Frankness: a poetry pamphlet

FRANKNESS: a poetry pamphlet

UNLOCKED

I wish I'd given you my heart locked in a box that I'd crafted from my favourite dreams with a key made from the memories we made. You might well have unlocked it. If you had, we could have been incandescent. But we are not and we never will be.

Soon, I will craft a new lock, and give my time to another. Perhaps, she will manage to open my heart, if I give her the chance I denied you.

NECTAR

Falling for you stung. But, when you gave it to me, your time was nectar.

HOPE

I cannot help but miss you. I waited too long to tell you. I wish that I had told you.

I do not want to get over this. I said I was because I am a liar. I think you'll be happy with him.

I hope you will be content. I hope you won't forget me. I don't know if I'll fall so far again.

I know that I missed my chance. I thought you were too good for me. I know I felt more than you did.

I will probably move on. I thought that I was moving on. I was so thrown by what you said.

I would love to meet up soon. I wonder if you feel the same. I hope we are still friends.

STAY

I'll drive you up dry stone walls when my mind feels hellish.

But I will crave your approval; I will devour it until I am full. Is it our turn to be happy? Maybe together we'd be whole.

Though I can be antisocial, please persevere with me.

I know we can soar together; I'll try not to be the mastermind.

I'm hard work but I can amuse. I hope you're not a mind reader.

You don't have the faintest clue about my direful disposition. But I cannot evoke in words how much I want to grow.

MEJOR AMIGA

You had a choice and yet chose me. I will not take that for granted again.

You have such a capacious heart that you forgave me everything.

I had nothing to offer you except for my spirit, which you never sent back, although it was broken.

GROW

I am not thriving but I'm not giving up either; stay and watch me grow?

LEAVES

I sometimes have amaranth or celadon leaves, depending on the season and my inclination.

I am rooted in bole soil that is dusted with sarcoline sand.

But you know that. You see me every day.

I do not relish the feeling when I lose my leaves.

It is as though I am naked, disrobed in the bitter cold.

So, if you were to light a fire near me, I would, initially, be grateful. And then, just like the others, I would be consumed, burnt down.

But, if you spare me, I promise I will show you my beautiful amaranth and celadon leaves.

FLOWERS

I am not like a sunflower. My mind does not follow sunlight.

If anything, I worry I'm gorse: so prickly and liable to hurt.

I am not calm enough to be lavender, and need its scent to get to sleep.

I'm not a foxglove or deadly nightshade, though there were secrets I didn't keep.

I'm not open enough to be a lotus despite my tendency to divulge all.

I am not wild enough to be heather, although I grew up by the moor.

I am not at all like a narcissus; I am the opposite of one today.

In fact, I'm not like any flower, but I must still grow anyway.

RAIN

There's a storm in me. I can't see for all the rain. But storms always pass.

FOUNDATIONS

I am not a cuckoo but I have returned to the nest.

I am not where I wanted to be but I must try to get there.

I am not at equilibrium but this is unavoidable.

I'm trying to make a life but building it on weak foundations.

I AM NOT I am not lost for, wherever I went, I always longed for home.

I am not alone and I am glad of this though I am afraid of loss.

I am not cold. I worry that I am but my mind is just different. I am not sure and, until I am certain, my steps may seem diminutive. I can't be rash.

I did not work so hard to play a role that's a façade.

COMFORTABLE

Back where I began, I am trying not to get comfortable.

Each rejection humbles me, when they inform me that I'm unwanted.

I must move incrementally, fighting to be present and stay positive.

I have no choice but to find out who and what on earth I really am.

MASK

Some of my traits are integral; without them I'm nobody.

I can hide them for a while but wearing a mask drains me.

My mind is evidently different, and some find it hard to co-exist.

I can only blend in because I am a decent actress.

If you want me to be myself, think about what you are asking.

I would love to be myself with you but please don't resent me when I do.

PULL UP

I am worn down, eroded, because I am not like them.

I am not blossoming, as I don't always nourish myself. I am not what I want to be, due to unforeseen circumstances. I am not confident anymore; time has changed me. Due to unforeseen circumstances, I am not what I want to be. As I don't always nourish myself, I am not blossoming.

Because I am not like them, I am worn down, eroded.

BUT

I had it back then: a sense of efficacy; but I have lost faith in myself.

I have to figure it out: a role that I can perform; but I am getting despondent.

I have a lovely family: a mix of water and blood; but I dislike needing their help. No, I haven't found the answer: a speedy resolution; but I must refuse to give up.

This is a poetry pamphlet, which touches on the themes of love, change and growth.