, and you are the way that you are. wanna be mad at me.
‘IS NO DISCUSSION TO BE HAD, THAT’S THE SCENE. HE SAYS HE LOVES HER, SHE SAYS HE’S CHICKEN SHIT. HE DRIVES OFF THE CLIFF, THEY DIE TOGETHER,’ IS FILMMAKER DE’CABRINI TALKING TO THE STAFF. ‘WE GET THAT THEM DYING TOGETHER IS IMPORTANT TO YOU, NO ONE GOES TO THE MOVIES FOR A BIOPIC ON DIVORCE,’ IT’S LYNDA, BY THE WAY, ‘BUT — THEIR RIDE TO THE END IS SO MEAN, AND SAD, AND ANNOYING. WE WANT THEM HOT AND HEAVY WITH ONE ANOTHER AND HELP ME OUT HERE GUYS, WE ALL AGREE, WE GOTTA MAKE GOOD WITH THE SPICE,’ SHE INSISTS. ‘I KEEP MY EXPLOSION?’ ASKS DE’CABRINI. ‘YES, YOU WILL KEEP THE VERY EXPENSIVE, SOME MAY SAY EXCESSIVE ON LOCATION MURDER SUICIDE SCENE,’ ANSWERS LYNDA. ‘EXCESSIVE? THE TEAM THINKS I’M EXCESSIVE? YOU ALL THINK I’M EXCESSIVE?’ THE CLAIM FLUSTERS DE’CABRINI, ‘I DON’T KNOW WHY THINGS NEED TO GET DONE THE WAY I SAY SO, BUT IT IS USUALLY WHAT WORKS BEST. PLEASE, IF ANYONE HAS A MUCH MORE AFFORDABLE IDEA AND OR CARES TO REWRITE A SCENE, BY ALL MEANS, SHOW ME THE FUCKING WAY,’ SAYS DE’CABRINI. ‘YOU ARE MISCONSTRUING WHAT I’M SAYING AND BEING UNCOOL, RIGHT NOW,’ REPLIES LYNDA. ‘WHAT ARE YOU SAYING?’ SINCERELY ASKS DE’CABRINI. ‘CAN WE PUT THE CAR IN CRUISE CONTROL AND HAVE OUR COUPLE SHARING SALIVA BEFORE THEIR DEATH’S EXPLOSION?’ REQUESTS LYNDA.
GIBBERISH SOUND GOOD, MAKE. THE STAGE, AND A COLLECTION OF SHOES. KICKS, LADYWEAR, BOOTS, SCATTERED ON THE FLOOR. EACH PAIR WITH A NOTE UNDER IT. TO AWAKEN IN THE MIND OF ANOTHER, AND CARRY A STRANGER’S ARMOUR. WHAT TAKES PLACE? I DON’T KNOW, BUT RECORD ALL OF IT, ON SOME CANNON, MICROPHONES, HIT THE LIGHTS, CAMERA, ROLLING, ACTION! // would God refuse your suit? is it ‘cuz you walk funny, is it because you — talk funny, would God refuse the day, if — ? the lands people, //
the dudes are at the bar, it’s bartender eddy looking to tell man of the year, two years in a row, ‘you need a move, you got — a move?’ ‘a move? no, I don’t have ‘a move.’ help me out?’ ‘help you out? no, I don’t have any moves for you, all I got is cinema trivia and dialogue.’ ‘sure, that too, that’ll be great.’ ‘what am I, some sidewalk show?’ ‘i’ll give you a hundred dollars.’ gimme, gimme, gimme — Benjamin Franklin’s looking good, bartender puts it in his pocket. ‘i’m thinking, Dirty Dancing, remember? ooh-girl I love you so much, I lift you up in the air, I ease you to your feet, we have sex. a move further popularized in an inappropriately funny, family, friendly-flick titled; Crazy, Stupid, Love. the good stuff — you know, Along Came Polly, ooh-girl I love you so much, look, I eat peanuts off the ground for you. i’m a germaphobe, you know i’m a germaphobe — I eat peanuts off the floor to show you my bravery, let’s get together. how about a sports drink? try giving her a sports drink, it’s cute, it’s casual, it’s a sheltering symbol of your hots for her,’ suggests bartender eddy, Take #1 He brings her the drink. She says, ‘are you stupid? I told you mind your distance.’ Take #2 She goes, ‘what are you doing?’ Man of the year, two years in a row, is drinking-spilling the sports drink all over his suit, ‘looking to get rid of whatever image you have of me that makes it to us not being together,’ he says, Different takes, different reactions,
THE WORLD WANTS THEM TOGETHER, FUCK YOU, WE DON’T KNOW THEIR BUSINESS. THE ZEN MASTER MAKES HIS WAY TO THE COUPLE’S DAUGHTER, SARAH — SHE’S NINE. ‘CAN I SIT HERE?’ HE ASKS. ‘NO,’ SHE REPLIES. ‘THAN I’LL STAND,’ THE ZEN MASTER ANSWERS AND CONTINUES, ‘I WOULD LIKE FOR YOU TO STOP CRYING.’ THE KID LOOKS AT THE OLD HEAD AND WOULD LIKE TO SAY SOMETHING GOOD LIKE, GET BENT, GO FUCK YOURSELF, EAT MIERDA CABRON. SHE CAN’T, SHE’S A KID, HOW ELOQUENT COULD SHE BE? INSTEAD — SHE SAYS, ‘YOU’RE AN ASSHOLE.’ SIMPLE, EFFECTIVE, SHEEK. THE ZEN MASTER DIGS INTO HIS COAT AND FLASHES HIS CIGARETTE, ‘YOU SEE THIS? ARE YOU LOOKING AT IT? I QUIT TWO DAYS AGO AND YOU’RE PUSHING ME LADY. YOU ARE PUSHING ME,’ POCKETS THE THING, ‘LISTEN, IF WE’RE GOING TO DO THIS, YOU HAVE TO GIVE ME SOMETHING TO WORK WITH, I AM NOT RESPONSIBLE FOR THE NONSENSE THAT HAS YOU ALL BOOHOO’ EYED,’ SAYS THE ZEN MASTER. SARAH GETS UP AND LEAVES THE BACKYARD. THE ZEN MASTER UNDERSTANDS HIS JOB, HE HAS TO GO AND TALK TO THE KID. MAKES HIS WAY TOWARDS SARAH’S ROOM, OPENS THE DOOR, AND IS MET WITH CONTENTION. ‘I DON’T WANT TO TALK TO YOU, GO AWAY,’ SAYS SARAH. ‘WELL, WE SHOULD, BECAUSE WE’RE GOING TO BE INVOLVED IN ONE ANOTHER’S LIFE FOR A LONG TIME,’ REPLIES THE ZEN MASTER. ‘WHO ARE YOU? NOBODY KNOWS YOU, BITCH. LIL BITCH. OLD HEADED ASS, BITCH!’ SPITES SARAH. ‘I TOLD YOU WHO I AM, I’M THE ZEN MASTER. THE CLAIM HAS BEEN SUCCEEDED AFTER MANY OF YEARS WORTH OF RESEARCH AND PRACTICE, PRACTICE AND RESEARCH DEDICATED TO THE COMMITMENT OF BEING ZEN. SO, COOL IT, DUDE!’ THE ZEN MASTER BREAKS THROUGH, SARAH EASES UP ON HIM. ‘ALRIGHT. WHAT OF WITH YOU, HOW YOU GET HERE, HOW DO YOU KNOW MY FAMILY?’ ASKS SARAH. ‘I REPRESENT A THIRD PARTY. YOUR PARENTS, THEY OWN EQUITY WITH A BIG TIME NETWORK, THE NETWORK AND YOUR FOLKS HIRED ME TO MONITOR, REGULATE, AND LOOK OUT FOR YOUR BEST INTEREST,’ ANSWERS THE ZEN MASTER. SARAH AREN’T YOU CLEVER, ‘YOU’RE MY NANNY,’ SHE REPLIES. THE ZEN MASTER SNAPS, ‘HERE! TAKE MY GUN AND SHOOT ME. NO HARD FEELINGS KID, GIVE A SHIT ABOUT YOUR WELL BEING, I NEED THIS GIG TO PAY FOR THE GOOD STUFF,’ TUCKS THE HEATER BACK INTO ITS SLEEVE. ‘YOU — LIKE THAT? GLOCK 19,’ SNIFFS AROUND, ‘WHAT’S THAT? DID SOMEONE SHIT THEIR PANTS?’ A QUIET SARAH DID NOT POOP HER PANTS. ‘SO — YOUR PARENTS WANT ONE ANOTHERS HEADS ON A PLATTER, BIG DEAL, YOU GOT ME IN YOUR LIFE, NOW. I’LL SEE YOU TOMORROW MORNING, WE TALK OVER SOME COCO PUFFS,’ THE ZEN MASTER HAS SPOKEN, MAKES HIS WAY OUT. ‘ZEN MASTER,’ SAYS THE LADY. ‘YEHHS,’ ANSWERS THE ZEN MASTER. ‘ARE YOU EVER GOING TO ASK ME ABOUT THE PICTURE GLASS, ON THE DRESSER?’ ZEN MASTER TAKES A LOOK, ‘THAT’S A SIGNED PHILIP SEYMOUR HOFFMAN PHOTO, PAPA TOLD ME HE’S THE ZEN MASTER,’ SARAH LEADS ON. ‘NO, YOUR FATHER IS WAY THE FUCK! OUT OF LEFT FIELD. EXCUSE ME, DO YOU MIND IF I,’ ZEN MASTER PUTS THE CIGARETTE IN HIS MOUTH, GRABS IT, POCKETS IT,
‘I AM — A ZEN MASTER, YES. PHILIP SEYMOUR HOFFMAN, HALL OF FAMER, GOOD MAN, HE QUOTED THE TALE OF OUR ORIGINAL ZEN MASTER. KID IS GIFTED A HORSE FOR HIS BIRTHDAY, EVERYONE SAYS, IT’S GREAT. ZEN MASTER SAYS, WE’LL SEE. KID FALLS OFF THE HORSE AND BREAKS HIS FOOT, EVERYONE SAYS, IT’S AWFUL. ZEN MASTER SAYS, WE’LL SEE. A WAR BREAKS OUT, KID CAN’T GO DUE TO THE INJURY, PEOPLE SAY, LUCKY HIM. ZEN MASTER SAYS,’ THE ZEN MASTER LOOKS AT THE KID FOR ASSISTANCE, NOTHING. ‘POINT BEING, YOU GOTTA KNOW HOW TO STAND IN BALANCE DESPITE GOOD OR BAD,’
#1,525 index and mentions; Thelma and Louise, 1991 Dirty Dancing, 1987 Crazy, Stupid, Love, 2011 Along Came Polly, 2004 Charlie Wilson’s War, 2007 Like That, We Don’t Trust You, 2024 Breakfast at Tiffany’s, 1961
IT’S TUESDAY MORNING, IMPORTANT DAY FOR OUR JEWELER, TIFFANY’S HUSBAND, LILS’ FATHER. HOW DO YOU THINK TIFFANY FEELS? SHE WOULD LIKE NOT TO BE TEASED ABOUT HAVING FALLEN FOR A JEWELER. THE JEWELER HAVING FALLEN FOR TIFFANY, WHAT SORT’OF COINCIDENCE IS THAT? WELL, I DON’T KNOW TIFFANY, THAT’S CAESAR’S WIFE. FACT IS SHE LIKES TENNIS SHOES, SNEAKERS, TENNYS. NO LOUBOUTIN, JIMMY CHOO, NOTHING, TIFFANY LIKES STREETWEAR. DOESN’T OWN MUCH JEWELRY; REGULAR GIFTED NECKLACES, A FEW ACCESSORIES, AND A FOUR CARAT, COLORLESS, GRADE E CLARITY VVS ONE EMERALD CUT DIAMOND WEDDING RING, OF COURSE. THEY OWN A BIG HOUSE, THE DUDE’S NAME IS CAESAR, IT’S COMING ALONG. CAESAR’S LOOKING AT COATS, LOOKING AT SWEATERS. IMPORTANT CLIENT, IMPORTANT ASSOCIATE. THE WORK SPEAKS FOR IT SELF OR DRESSED FOR THE PRESENTATION? ‘WHAT’S THE DEAL, CAESAR?’ ENTERS TIFFANY. ‘I WANT IT TO BE DONE. I’M EXCITED, IT SHOULD BE GREAT, BUT IT’S NOT DONE,’ ANSWERS CAESAR. ‘THAN THAT’S WHAT YOU HAVE TO SAY, SORRY, AHEEMGOTBARS, I NEED MORE TIME,’ INSISTS TIFFANY. ‘HONEY, THE MAN’S ON TOUR, I CAN’T HAVE HIM SCHEDULED TO BE HERE AND HAVE HIM LEAVE WITH NOTHING,’ SAYS CAESAR. ‘CAESAR, PLEASE. ASK HIM FOR A FEW DAYS. YOU — ARE A GREAT ARTIST, HE’LL GIVE YOU MORE TIME. WORST CASE SCENARIO, YOU SCHEDULE TO DELIVER WHERE HE LANDS, NEXT,’ SAYS TIFFANY. ‘YOU’RE RIGHT. IT’S WHAT I HAVE TO DO,’ YES CAESAR, TIFFANY HAS RESOLVED YOUR CONCERNS, ‘HE CAN’T LEAVE THE BUILDING EMPTY HANDED,’ CAESAR FURTHER REVEALS. ‘YOU’LL THINK OF SOMETHING, COME. LET’S HAVE BREAKFAST,’ SAYS TIFFANY,
, latest edit, , written by, Fredy Romero