6 Deacons
David Witman, Deacon Moderator, dpwitman@hotmail.com Rev. Rex Childs, Associate Pastor, rexc@fpcnaples.org
You may recall that the Deacons have a newly invigorated Inner-Missions Committee. We started out by filling some requests from Church members for transportation to services, events or appointments, for medical equipment, and for various other daily needs where help was needed. Unfortunately, while we know that there are members who could use some help from day to day, we are experiencing the same phenomenon the Stephen Ministers have been seeing for many years. People are reluctant to ask for help for many reasons – from not wanting to impose to not wanting to admit that one needs assistance at times. Below is an interesting recent article written by a research psychologist which addresses this reluctance to ask for help. Why this Stanford researcher says you should ask your friends for more favors: ‘We are a collaborative society’
P u bli sh ed C NB C S a t, S e p 1 7 2 02 2 9:0 0 A M ED T Upda t ed M on, S ep 19 2 02 2 1 0:3 0 A M E DT R e po rt e d by Aditi Shrikant on study by Xuan Zhao, S T A NF OR D RES E ARCH ER
Need a ride to the airport? Or help hanging your curtain rod? These pesky tasks are often made easier by asking a friend for help, but many of us are reluctant to do so. People consistently underestimate others’ willingness to lend them a hand, according to a new study published in the journal Psychological Science. Help-seekers also overestimate how inconvenienced the person they are asking for a favor will feel. “It can be nerve-wracking to ask a stranger for help,” says Xuan Zhao, a social science research scholar at Stanford University who co-authored the study with Nicholas Epley, a social cognition professor at the University of Chicago.
Sunday, September 11
“In our research we found people underestimate both strangers’ and friends’ [desire to help].” Throughout history, there has been a debate about whether we live in a selfish society or a collaborative society, Zhao says. “Over the past few recent decades, there has been more and more evidence that we are a pro-social and collaborative society,” she says. “That’s part of our winning strategy of evolution.”
Still, we underestimate how positive others feel about doing us a favor, Zhao’s research found. “When we need help it can be stressful and you have a lot of worries,” she says. “You might be trapped in your own concerns. All of that makes it easy to overlook other people’s willingness to help.” American culture might also exacerbate the situation. “People are taught to be self-sufficient and there might be a stigma to the idea of seeking out help and you might be concerned about being perceived as weak or inferior to other people,” she says. Those eager to help might be treated with suspicion, as research shows most people expect others to act mainly out of self-interest. If a friend agrees to help you build a dresser, you might be wondering what favor they will ask you in return down the line. Generally, though, people help because helping makes them feel good, Zhao says: “It’s called warm-glow giving. The idea that helping other people makes us feel good ties back to the idea that it is something written in our genes.” So, if you or someone you know needs some assistance with daily activities, please contact David Witman, dpwitman@hotmail.com. We will contact you and endeavor to find another church member to help. Help someone to feel the JOY of helping you.
CHURCH TOUR All are welcome to join a "Behind the Scenes" church tour on Sunday, November 13 following the worship service. The guided tour is intended to orient, inform, and familiarize you with the spaces and activities that take place at FPCN. The 30 minute tour will include the Offices, Choir Room, Mase Christian Education Center, Youth Room, Chapel, and other areas with historical perspectives from parishioners.
Following the worship service join us in Spencer Hall for some refreshments and to Participants should assemble at the front of the meet your deacon Sanctuary 15 minutes following the church service. If you think about how you feel when you’ve We are looking for additional volunteers to help helped out a friend, it might start to make and other members lead or assist with upcoming tours. sense. “Helping other people makes you feel good because it creates a moment of social insays. your parish. Contact Sarah Nichols for additional information, connection,” she “It makes you feel valued and needed by other people and if you are successful at helping them it makes you feel competent, and everyone likes feeling competent.”
sarahsnichols@gmail.com or 615.268.5407.
