Role Reversal Adults and Aging Parents

Adults and Aging Parents

BY JEAN MARIE JOHNSON

“I’ve long since retired, my son’s moved away I called him up just the other day I said, “I’d like to see you if you don’t mind” He said, “I’d love to, Dad, if I can find the time You see my new job’s a hassle and the kid’s got the flu But it’s sure nice talking to you, Dad It’s been sure nice talking to you”

If you’re thinking “I’ve heard that before,” pat yourself on the back for remembering because it’s a stanza from Harry Chapin’s 1974 folk rock hit “Cat’s in the Cradle.” The popular lyrics continue to strike a chord. On the one hand, they capture a little boy’s desire to “grow up just like you, Dad.” And on the other, it is a lamentation because, you guessed it, that is exactly what happens. One day the little boy is pining for his busy dad’s attention, and then, in a flash, it is the dad who is pining for time with his now grown son.

HEALTHY ROLES AND GOALS

The song’s title, “The Cat’s in the Cradle” has come to refer to the experience of someone who doesn’t take enough time for the other in a relationship, or who is constantly cancelling plans.

It’s a familiar phenomenon for many of us. And, it is just one way that parents and their grown children seem to reverse roles. But we need to be careful here because mental health and aging professionals encourage us not to think in terms of “reversal,” as if it were an absolute. Instead, it’s helpful to take a step back to:

• Be mindful that as with all close relationships, how the adult child and their aging parent relate and provide one another with support over time will evolve

• Adult children are most helpful when they focus on helping their aging parent deal with the many changes that accompany aging

• The aging parent can support this goal by retaining responsibility for herself while acknowledging and asking for help when needed

SET THE RELATIONSHIP UP FOR SUCCESS

SageMinder, which provides services for seniors, recommends a proactive approach to preparing for shifting roles. Consider these six actions:

• Have honest and respectful conversations with one another. It can be helpful to sit down to “assess the situation” together, before a crisis happens or a big decision needs to be made.

• Meet your own needs and say “no” in order to protect priorities you each have. Remember that each person’s individual needs, apart from the parent/child relationship, matter and should be respected.

• Cultivate a deep respect and realistic trust in one another. Build on the bond you already have and remember that by working together you will both feel respected.

• Ask for help from each other and from others. No one goes it alone. Lean on one another and by all means, reach out to friends, neighbors, and services that can provide both emotional and practical support.

• Take good care of yourselves. While

“good care” varies from person to person, it is important to attend to your mental, emotional and physical health.

• Avoid secrets and guilt trips. Candor tempered with compassion can help you work together to find new solutions to emerging challenges.

And that goes for both the adult child as well as the aging parent.

Clemmons Country Store

Helps Bring Local Businesses to Life

BY AMY HILL

Shopping local and supporting small businesses and vendors has never been more imperative. Ditch the drive-thru and long lines at Target and try something closer to home instead. Perfect for working families in need of a quick, restaurant-quality dinner at home, or homeowners looking to decorate their living spaces with unique art pieces and greenery, Clemmons Country Store brings a wide variety of local goods to the Clemmons community and helps keep the beauty of owning a small business alive.

Since the store first opened in 2000, owner Sherrie Billings and her husband Tim have been selling high-quality, local products to the Clemmons community. Clemmons Country Store customers rave about the hot commodities found on the store’s shelves, including birdhouse gourds and jewelry crafted by local artists, along with delectable homemade desserts and baked goods from local staples such as Camino Bakery. Sherrie and Tim love selling local products and giving talented bakers and artisans the opportunity to shine and showcase their goods.

In order to determine which products are sold at Clemmons Country Store, Sherrie and Tim research each product and are dedicated to knowing where each item is made and/ or grown before selling it to their customers. To maintain the integrity of their goods and services, Sherrie and Tim ensure that food items are produced from licensed kitchens, and that all plant vendors are licensed through the N.C. Department of Agriculture. Without following these guidelines, Sherrie and Tim run the risk of compromising the health of their customers – something they work diligently to prevent. When the store first opened over two decades ago, Sherrie attended pop-up seasonal markets to find different suppliers for products sold instore. Now, Clemmons Country Store’s stellar reputation has spread so much throughout the community that new suppliers approach Sherrie and Tim on their own to inquire about joining their team.

How exactly did the idea for Clemmons Country Store come about? After seeing a need for a store in the Clemmons area focused on selling local products, Sherrie took the reins and made Clemmons Country Store the flagship location in Clemmons for local food and fare. Prior to owning Clemmons Country Store with Tim, she earned a bachelor’s degree in criminal justice and worked as a private investigator for years. After getting married and giving birth to her daughter, her hectic schedule of managing a family while frequently traveling as a private investigator became overbearing. With her father and brother owning service stations throughout Clemmons, she became one of the only female owners/ operators of an Exxon convenience store. In 1999, however, Sherrie signed the lease for Clemmons Country Store’s current location and was able to fulfill her desire of selling local products to the community.

Clemmons has turned out to be the dream location for the store that Sherrie envisioned it would be. She and Tim enjoy the small-town feel of the area, and the amazing and loyal customers who shop daily. Part of the fun of owning a local business for Sherrie and Tim is getting to know their customers by name and sharing exciting moments and memories with them throughout the years. Over the last 20 years, Sherrie and Tim have seen children grow up and become adults, who then bring their children back into the store to continue their shopping tradition. To Sherrie and Tim, the family-like atmosphere of running Clemmons Country Store is the labor of love.

With fall just around the corner, Clemmons Country Store is gearing up to change with the season. After enjoying a bounty of fresh produce this summer, Sherrie and Tim look forward to stocking the store with fall’s pumpkins, mums, pansies, scarecrows, fall flags, hay bales and autumn décor. Customers will find delicious fall produce and year-round staples, such as their popular local honey and elderberry, chicken pies, and quiche. Shoppers looking for a delicious and easy dinner can take advantage of the numerous take-and-bake items for sale in the store, such as lasagna, lobster and crab ravioli, and enchiladas.

To keep your home feeling green as the leaves fall off the trees, Clemmons Country Store is the perfect place to find plants and garden goods. If you’re a new plant parent, Sherrie suggests initially investing in a low maintenance plant, such as one of their locally grown perennial garden mums sold in-store this fall. Fall mums should be watered several times per week with no deadheading required. Want to put some of the store’s locally produced honey to use? Sherrie and Tim share recipes in the store and anticipate discussing plenty of apple dumplings and pumpkin pie recipes to try as we transition into the fall season.

Interested in seeing what Clemmons Country Store has to offer? Stop by in-person at 2690 Lewisville-Clemmons Road, or visit http://www. clemmonscountrystore.com/ to read more about the products sold in-store. For the latest updates from Sherrie and her team, check out the store’s Facebook page and follow @ clemmonscountrystore on Instagram for all things local.

I WishI Knew

BY JEN OLENICZAK BROWN

You know that song lyric, “I wish that, I knew what I know now, when I was younger?” from the band The Faces? Read on to what Forsyth County women wished they knew when they were younger – maybe it will be exactly what you need today:

Rejection doesn’t mean that there’s anything wrong with you. People show you how they feel about you…they don’t have to tell you…pay attention. – Miranda

You do not expand infinitely in all directions. – Jillian No one can make me happy/ complete/whole. I am all of those things with and without anyone else. If it is to be, it’s up to me. – Becka

I wish neurodiversity were laid out for everyone. That way, neurodiverse folks wouldn’t feel like aliens, and neurodiverse folks could have some empathy. – Heidi

Flossing is more important than you think. – Amy Don’t be so caught up in raising a good kid that you forget you already have one. – Lydia If I knew I was worthy of love, I would have never married him. – Jennifer

Don’t get married because you think you have to by a certain age to have kids. – Amanda Always use sunscreen – and that’s not enough, use more sunscreen! – Natalie

You can tell someone to take a hike (in fact, it may be necessary sometimes) and still be a nice person. – Adrienne Never compromise who you are for another person. Remain true to yourself and the right partner will come along and celebrate exactly who you are. – Christina

Living life in any way, having organization or a routine or health and wellness – is specific to each of us. It doesn’t need to be like anyone else. – Lisa

Growth and change in myself may cost me people in my life, but the cost of an inauthentic life is much higher. – Michelle

In order to establish credit, one must actually use the credit they have and not just have it for emergencies. – Shanata Having order and organization in your life is not overrated and makes embracing spontaneous opportunities so much easier. - Linda My boundaries are valid. – Jacqueline Consent is everything. – Emalia

You are worthy of a life full of love, happiness and a full belly. – Leslie Ann

Your job isn’t as important as you are. You need to reserve some time to live your own life, and not pour 70 hours a week into a job where they will not hesitate to replace you if you feel the need to scale it back. – Dina I have learned how to embrace the skin I am in and be body positive for my beautiful daughter. – Bianca I wish I had learned that it really was ok to be Queer. I was the only one in my life that had to be comfortable with my sexuality. Once I finally figured that out, I fell in love with myself and the love of my life whom I’ve spent almost 18 years with. – Vanessa

There is always another option. Just because you don’t see it, doesn’t mean it doesn’t exist! – Alexandra Saying no is not offensive. “No” is a complete sentence. – Angela

Work and a paycheck are not the goal. Life should be about the moments. Love fiercely and with your whole heart. – Shelia Five simple words I learned at 70 I wish I had learned as an early teen: “YOUR LIFE IS YOUR OWN.” – Dana

You don’t have to earn the right to be comfortable in your own body. – Brooke I wish I’d known at 12 that it is ok to be gay, instead of 36. – April

WHAT MOTIVATES YOU?

With my type-A personality, I’m motivated by the thrill of setting and achieving goals. But I’m most motivated when I help other women on my Beautycounter team achieve their goals. I love coaching women over the hurdles toward their goals and then celebrating their achievements. There’s no better feeling!

WHAT IS YOUR PROUDEST ACHIEVEMENT?

Professionally, passing bar exams in 2 states within 2 years was a proud achievement. But I’m actually most proud of making the decision to leave my law practice to strike out as an entrepreneur in direct sales. Leaving a “regular” job to work with a new, unproven company was a bold choice that has paid off in all aspects of my life. Beyond professional achievements though, raising my sons to be kind, confident, Beauty Countergenerous kids is my proudest achievement, and it is definitely a work in progress!

WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE SEASON?

My favorite season is always the one that we’re in! I love these last days of summer that fade into a crisp, colorful autumn. Along with cozy sweaters and warm drinks I like the routine of back to school, homecoming gatherings, and more structured days. While the days growing shorter is a bit sad, the prospects of holiday festivities just around the corner makes it happy.

WHAT ARE YOUR FAVORITE BEAUTYCOUNTER PRODUCTS?

My favorites are the Overnight Resurfacing Peel and the All Bright C-Serum. At age 48, this combo is my daily go-to for the most glowing skin. Overnight Peel has skin-smoothing gentle acids that work overnight for a smoother, more even complexion (with no visible peeling), and the C-Serum has 10% vitamin C, Turmeric, and Camu Camu fruit (they call it superfruit for a reason!) for visibly brighter skin. You don’t need a drawer full of products to keep your skin naturally glowy. Just a few of the right products will get the job done! Ask me for free samples if you want to try it for yourself! Find me on IG @ncjennifer or contact me via my website: beautycounter.com/jenniferertl.

JODIE BRIM PHOTOGRAPHY

JENNIFER ERTL Founding Member & Managing Director

336-830-9807 | NCJENNIFER@GMAIL.COM WWW.BEAUTYCOUNTER.COM/JENNIFERERTL