The Best Advice My Therapist Ever Told Me

BY JEN OLENICZAK BROWN

One of my favorite things to do in conversations with friends when they are going through it? Quote my therapist. I joke that I owe her so much – but truly, having that third party to your life is incredible. We reached out to women across Forsyth County to see what was the best thing their therapists said. Enjoy, take what you need and pass along what your friends and family need!

Not everything is about you. – Wren

It’s ok that I don’t do things like “everyone else” (meaning neurotypical people) and that I should never apologize for asking for changes or adjustments that help me function and live better. – Jess

The version of me that someone else created in their mind is not my responsibility. – Annie

Anxiety isn’t intuition. – Sarah It’s ok to be a crying emotional pile of goo. – Aimee

Logic can’t be used to explain or replace something that wasn’t put there with logic to begin with. – Chrissy.

Be gentle with yourself. – Lia

It’s okay to grieve a loss you are actively choosing. It’s still a loss. – Chelsea

No feeling is final. – Danielle

Don’t rush through your feelings of sadness, grief, or anger. Take your time, and find a healthy way to cope when needed, but don’t try to skip through it. Be ready to move to the other side of it when the time comes, but don’t let anyone else convince you that you should be “over it by now”. – Dina

As you can, remember to be flexible with yourself. We do not always feel strong, even when we are being strong; and strength can present itself in many different ways. – Alison

You will not be a victim for the rest of your life. – Jasmine

You cannot be empowered and a victim. – MariPat

You can’t have a rational conversation with an irrational person. – Terri

No is a complete sentence. – Tamara.

Other people may not like you because they see traits of themselves they don’t like within them. – Katie

You don’t need to treat everything as if it’s a life or death situation. – Annie There are two kinds of people. Givers and takers. Givers need takers and takers need givers. But givers and takers that don’t learn to set and maintain boundaries are when relationships get unhealthy. – Gloria

Take care of yourself. Even when you don’t want to. Even when you don’t feel like you deserve to. You do. And it is so worth it. – Ali

Empathy without boundaries is self-destruction. – Mary

Feelings aren’t facts. – Kathryn

Listen to your body. – Carla

You can only control your actions and reactions; you can’t control others. So let’s work on you. – Mari Kris

Don’t you ever let anyone speak for you! – Miranda

To be successful at anything in life, I must take care of me first. – Elizabeth

Just because it ended, doesn’t mean it can’t begin again. – Sarah

It wasn’t your fault, and “fixing it” isn’t your only purpose for existence. – Heather

Your problems follow you wherever you go, but where you are may change the way you process them. – Jennifer

Stop “shoulding” on yourself. – Pam

One decision at a time. – Aileen

You’ve gotten through 100% of the things that have happened to you. Why worry about what might happen when you’ve always been able to figure it out before. – Jessica

Own your power. – Cassey

Feel your feelings. – Kate

And from Stephanie Adrian, LCSW, Fulcrum Counseling: My favorite piece of advice is “sometimes self-care is about deciding what you won’t do.” Whether it’s saying no to a stressful family event, or deciding to go out to eat instead of cooking, or maybe putting aside that work you need to do in order to have fun with friends. I got really tired of people telling me to take bubble baths; I hate bubble baths. I feel like a lot of women especially feel like they need to say yes to everything. We load up our plates and then struggle to carry them. Sometimes you just have to take something off your plate.

JEJ Photos

Start From Scratch

“Accessories will always help to make a room more beautiful, stylish and put together.” ~ unknown

As an interior redesigner, I like nothing better than to use furniture and accessories my client has in their home to create a beautiful space. But there are times I start from scratch and help my client purchase some or all new items, including accessories for their home. The larger furniture items and rugs are easier than shopping for all the accessories, which take more of my time but are so important in the end result. When accessories are needed, where do you start?

1. Whether the accessory will be on a tabletop, wall, or shelf, the first and most important is to know the size of the space where the accessory will be placed. If a shelf, the depth, height, and width need to be measured. A good rule of thumb (guideline) is to fill the shelf with items that fill 2/3s the width of the shelf. If you are hanging a mirror, picture, or architectural item on a wall, measure the width of the furniture piece (sofa, console, etc.) it will be hung over; the wall art should measure approximately 2/3s of that width. For example: if the console is 60”, a picture should be 40”. This works for a mantle also. If hanging on a wall by itself, follow the same guideline.

2. I can ‘run my legs off’ shopping for accessories, but if I know the size, color, and object I am shopping for, I can shop online. Lamps are a good example; bedside lamps should be approximately 26 -28” tall. My rule of thumb is that the shade should be no wider than the table the lamp sits on. In a family room, 28” – 30” is a good height.

Accent lamps can be shorter. Pillows are great accessories and are a means of adding pops of color. Try to mix shapes and textures. 3. Don’t forget to shop your home for accessories you may have put away or weren’t sure where to use. If you can use accessories that you already own that have meaning or a ‘story,’ these are the best! You might love the item and appreciate it more if it is used in a different place.

4. You can shop for reasonably priced accessories at consignment stores, yard sales, Target, Homegoods, etc.

5. Keep in mind when you are shopping that you will be accessorizing a shelf, mantle, vignette, etc., using an odd number of items (1, 3, 5…. more tend to look cluttered). By varying the heights, shapes, and textures, the items will add visual interest and depth.

6. Add interest to your space by accessorizing with books. Books can stand, lie flat, or elevate an object. Their spines can add color or distract. If you don’t like the color of the book, try turning the spine so you see the pages. I always remove book jackets and never use paperbacks. 7. Don’t forget to use elements of nature as accessories as they bring ‘life’ to your décor.

Whether it’s green plants, wood, shells, baskets, etc., these elements will add texture and help to create a beautiful home.

8. Remember, it may take several shopping trips to fine the items you love…..it’s a process!

Don’t just buy to fill your space.

You’ll be much happier with the end results if you take your time to accessorize your room.

Thank you for reading my article each month. It is my pleasure to help you create a beautiful home where your family can come to be loved, refreshed, and encouraged. Need help? Give ReDESIGNS by Ava a call….336-345-2929 to make an appointment.

Securities offered through LPL Financial, Member FINRA/SIPC, Investment advice offered through Independent Advisor Alliance, a registered investment advisor, Independent Advisor Alliance and Marzano Capital Group are separate entities from LPL Financial.

Making Dollars, Making $ense

4 Types of Accounts for your College Savings Dollars

BY STEVEN GALLO, CFP®, PARTNER, FINANCIAL ADVISOR

It’s no secret that college is one of the major expenses most folks will face. In a 2020 report titled, Trends in College Pricing and Student Aid1 , the College Board indicated the average annual in-state cost of attending a four-year public college came to $26,820. For out-of-state students the average cost came to $43,280, $54,800 for those students attending a private university. As a parent with a child not too far off from college, these numbers certainly got my attention.

One universal truth of all long-term saving goals would be – the earlier you start, the better – and saving for college is no different. We talk about the importance of putting money away for retirement as soon as possible. That’s because time plays a major role when it comes to compound growth. If you put money away as soon as your child is born, you have almost 20 years of growth potential—and you don’t have to invest as much each month as you pursue your goal. There are many different types of accounts you can utilize as you save for college. Here is a list of the types of accounts we use with our clients at Marzano Capital Group.

• 529 plans: These state-sponsored plans allow parents to put their savings in an investment account with their child as beneficiary. As the owner of the account -- named for the IRS code section that created it -- the parent does not pay income taxes on earnings. If the kid doesn’t go to college, parents can transfer the amount in the account to another family member. Moreover, parents do not have to pay federal income taxes when withdrawing money as long as the cash is earmarked for college expenses, such as tuition and books.

• Coverdell Education Accounts: Coverdell Education Savings Accounts work similar to 529 plans, offering tax-free investment growth and tax-free withdrawals for qualified educational expenses. However, the maximum annual contribution to Coverdell ESA is $2,000 and there are annual income restrictions limiting parents who can contribute.

• Roth IRA: Using a Roth IRA to save for college gives you flexibility and offers a number of advantages. For example, if you withdraw your Roth IRA contributions early for college expenses, you won’t be taxed or penalized. You can also leave your earnings in a Roth for retirement, while withdrawing the principal to pay for the cost of education. In addition, if college is not a fit for your child, or their education is paid for by other means, like a scholarship, you can simply keep the money in your Roth IRA for your own retirement.

• Investment Account: An account for long-term savings looking to achieve a higher return in exchange for taking on more risk. Typical investments include stocks, bonds, mutual funds, and exchange-traded funds (ETFs). You will pay taxes on your investments as you realize gains and income from dividends and interest. However, if you don’t use all the funds for college expenses you can reallocate them to other longer-term goals like retirement.

College costs are projected to continue to increase. The best time to start savings toward any longer-term goal is early and the next best time to start is today. Whether you use one of the above accounts or a mix of them, the key is to get started. If you would like help determining your best college saving strategy or any long-term savings plan, check us out at www.marzanocapitalgroup.com.

1 Source: College Board, https://research.collegeboard.org/trends/college-pricing Prior to investing in a 529 Plan investors should consider whether the investor’s or designated beneficiary’s home state offers any state tax or other state benefits such as financial aid, scholarship funds, and protection from creditors that are only available for investments in such state’s qualified tuition program. Withdrawals used for qualified expenses are federally tax free. Tax treatment at the state level may vary. Please consult with your tax advisor before investing. A Roth IRA offers tax deferral on any earnings in the account. Qualified withdrawals of earnings from the account are tax-free. Withdrawals of earnings prior to age 59 ½ or prior to the account being opened for 5 years, whichever is later, may result in a 10% IRS penalty tax. All investing involves risk including loss of principal.