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The Mustard Seed Cafe Located inside Nassau Health Foods, The Mustard Seed is Amelia Island’s only organic eatery and juice bar, with an extensive, eclectic menu featuring vegetarian and vegan items. Daily specials include local seafood, free-range chicken and fresh organic produce. Salads, wraps, sandwiches and soups are available — all prepared with our staff’s impeccable style. Popular items are chicken or veggie quesadillas, grilled mahi, or salmon over mixed greens and tuna melt with Swiss cheese and tomato. Open for breakfast and lunch, 8 a.m.-3 p.m. Mon.Sat.

833 T.J. Courson Road 904-277-3141

Lulu’s at The Thompson House Lulu’s owners, Brian and Melanie Grimley, offer an innovative lunch menu, including po’boys, salads and seafood “little plates” served in the gardens of the historic Thompson House. Dinner features fresh local seafood (Fernandina shrimp is the focus every Thursday), and nightly specials. An extensive wine list and beer are available. Open for lunch and dinner Tue.-Sat., brunch on Sun. Reservations are recommended.

11 S. Seventh Street 904-432-8394

PLAE Restaurant & Lounge Located in the Spa & Shops at Amelia Island Plantation, PLAE serves bistro-style cuisine. The full bar lounge at PLAE has become an instant classic, with artistic décor and live entertainment nightly. Now you can PLAE during the day, too! Open for lunch Tue.-Sat. 11:30 a.m.-2:30 p.m. Open at 5:30 p.m. for dinner daily; reservations accepted.

80 Amelia Village Cir. 904-277-2132

Moon River Pizza

Cafe Karibo Homemade sandwiches, salads and soups are served in a relaxed atmosphere in this charming building in the historic district. Delicious fresh fish specials and theme nights (Pad Thai and curry), plus vegetarian dishes, are also featured. Karibrew Brew Pub & Grub — the only one on the island — offers on-site beers and great burgers and sandwiches.

27 N. Third Street 904-277-5269

29 South Eats This chic, neighborhood bistro has it all — great ambience, fantastic food, an extensive wine list and reasonable prices. The eclectic menu offers regional cuisine with a modern whimsical twist and Chef Scotty Schwartz won Best Chef in Folio Weekly’s 2007 Best of Jax readers poll. Open for lunch Tues.-Sat., 11:30 a.m.-2:30 p.m., for dinner 5:30-9:30 p.m. Mon.-Thur., till 10 p.m. Fri. and Sat. Brunch is 10 a.m.-2 p.m. Sun.

29 S. Third Street 904-277-7919

Brett’s Waterway Café Overlooking Fernandina Harbor Marina, Brett’s offers an upscale atmosphere with outstanding food. The extensive luncheon and dinner menus feature daily specials, fresh Florida seafood, chicken and aged beef. Cocktails, beer and wine. Casual resort wear. Open at 11:30 a.m. daily.

Fernandina Harbor Marina at the foot of Centre Street 904-261-2660

T-Ray’s Burger Station

Moon River Pizza treats customers like family. Cooked in a brick oven, the pizza is custom-made by the slice (or, of course, by the pie). Set up like an Atlanta-style pizza joint, Moon River also offers an eclectic selection of wine and beers. Open for lunch and dinner Mon.-Sat. Dine in or take it with you.

T-Ray’s offers a variety of breakfast and lunch items. In addition to an outstanding breakfast menu, you’ll find some of the best burgers you’ve ever put in your mouth. The Burger Station offers a grilled portabello mushroom burger, grilled or fried chicken salad and much more. The spot where locals grab a bite and go! Now serving beer & wine. Open Mon.-Fri. 7 a.m.-2:30 p.m., Sat. 8 a.m.-1 p.m. Closed Sundays.

925 S. 14th Street 904-321-3400

202 S. Eighth Street 904-261-6310

Ciao Italian Bistro You’ll find this charming Italian Bistro located in the heart of Amelia Island’s Historic District. Whether dining indoors or outside on our covered patio, your experience will be a memorable one. Choose from a fantastic menu filled with authentic homemade Italian dishes and a wine list that will leave your palate pleased. Contact us for reservations or catering needs. Open Sun.-Thurs. at 5 p.m., Fri. and Sat. at 11:30 a.m.

302 Centre Street 904-206-4311

Sliders Seaside Grill Oceanfront dining at its finest. Award-winning crab cakes, fresh daily seafood specials and homemade desserts. Sliders has Amelia Island’s only waterfront Tiki Bar, as well as a children’s playground and live music every weekend. The dining experience is complete with brand-new second-story banquet facilities, bar and verandah. Open at 11 a.m. daily Mon.-Fri. Make Sliders Seaside Grill your place to be for friends and family, entertainment and the best food on the East Coast. Call for your next special event.

1998 S. Fletcher Ave. 904-277-6652

Jack & Diane’s

The locals’ favorite hangout! Dine inside or on the patio of this cozy, renovated 1887 shotgun home in historic downtown Fernandina. From the crab & shrimp omelet to the steak & tomato pie, “The tastiest spot on Centre” offers food with attitude and unexpected flair. Live music elevates your dining experience to a new level. Come for breakfast, stay for dinner! You’ll love every bite! 708 Centre Street 904-321-1444

David’s Restaurant & Lounge Located in the Historic District, David’s is a place to have a dining experience, not just dinner. Offering the freshest seafood from around the world and serving only the finest prime aged meats. Dover sole, Chilean sea bass, soft shell crab & nightly fresh fish special. Filet Oscar, rack of lamb & and our signature 16oz grilled-to-perfection ribeye always available. Add foie gras or a Maine lobster tail to any entrée. Elegant but chic atmosphere. Bar & lounge with live music and complimentary valet parking on Fri. & Sat. nights. Private dining offered up to 12 guests in our Wine Room. Private parties up to 50. Wine Spectator rated. Lounge open 5 p.m.: open 6 p.m. for dinner, nightly. Reservations highly recommended.

802 Ash Street 904-310-6049

Amelia Island is 13 miles of unspoiled beaches, quaint shops, antique treasures and superb dining in a 50-block historic district less than one hour north of Jacksonville 2 | | MAY 7-13, 2014

MAY 7-13, 2014 | | 3


MAY 7-13, 2014 • VOLUME 28 • NUMBER 6


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Cover Design and Illustration: Shan Stumpf PUBLISHER • Sam Taylor / ext. 111




EDITOR • Jeffrey C. Billman / ext. 115 SENIOR EDITOR • Marlene Dryden / ext. 131 A&E EDITOR • David Johnson / ext. 128 WRITERS-AT-LARGE Susan Cooper Eastman Derek Kinner CARTOONIST Tom Tomorrow CONTRIBUTING WRITERS Rob Brezsny, Daniel A. Brown, John E. Citrone, Julie Delegal, AG Gancarski, Nicholas Garnett, Claire Goforth, Janet Harper, Dan Hudak, Shelton Hull, MaryAnn Johanson, Amanda Long, Heather Lovejoy, Nick McGregor, Cameron Meier, Jeff Meyers, Kara Pound, Merl Reagle, Scott Renshaw, Carley Robinson, Chuck Shepherd, Melody Taylor and Abigail Wright

ART DIRECTOR • Shan Stumpf / ext. 116 GRAPHIC DESIGNER • Katarina Lubet / ext. 117 GRAPHIC DESIGNER • Dana Fasano / ext. 117 PHOTOGRAPHER • Dennis Ho / ext. 122



Folio Weekly is published every Wednesday throughout Northeast Florida. It contains opinions of contributing writers that are not necessarily the opinion of this publication. Folio Weekly welcomes both editorial and photographic contributions. Calendar information must be received two weeks in advance of event date. Copyright © Folio Publishing, Inc. 2014. All rights reserved. Advertising rates and information are available on request. An advertiser purchases right of publication only. One free copy per person. Additional copies and back issues are $1 each at the office or $4 by U.S. mail, based on availability. First Class mail subscriptions are $48 for 13 weeks, $96 for 26 weeks and $189 for 52 weeks. Please recycle Folio Weekly. Folio Weekly is printed on recycled paper using soy-based inks. 27,000 press run. Audited weekly readership 111,191.

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9456 Philips Highway, Ste. 11, Jacksonville FL 32256 Phone: 904.260.9770 • Fax: 904.260.9773

f you’ve been around the block as a journalist, chances are some bureaucrat or another has tried to screw you on access to public records: “Those documents you requested seem to be missing.” “We’d be happy to forward you that email. That’ll be $832.45.” This is all part of the game — the more resistance, the better the likelihood you’re onto something good. But in the few months I’ve lived here, I’ve noticed a troubling default toward secrecy among Northeast Florida’s public officials, one that stands in stalwart opposition to good government. Just last week, for instance, Fourth Judicial Circuit State Attorney Angela Corey ejected Times-Union reporter Andrew Pantazi from interviews with medical examiner candidates. Sure, maybe the California pathologist the search committee hired was the best candidate and, had everything been done in the open, the result would have been the same. But we’ll never know, and that’s the problem. After the committee’s lawyer determined that these interviews should in fact be conducted in the open, the committee promised to eventually re-air its deliberations. Of course, the decision has already been made, and this “public” interview process will be nothing but theater. A few months earlier, during the Michael Dunn trial, Corey told local news agencies it would cost them $6,500 — $35.61 per hour of supposed labor — for jail staff to produce recordings of Dunn’s phone calls. Again, these are public records, and shouldn’t be exorbitantly pricey or irksome to obtain. That’s not how this is supposed to work. The idea behind the state’s Sunshine Law is that a transparent government is more likely to be free of corruption or incompetence. Corey apparently knows better — or thinks she does. And she’s not alone. Recent history offers examples aplenty of local agencies trying to shirk their obligations to the public they ostensibly represent. The Jacksonville Sheriff ’s Office recently told T-U reporters they’d have to pay more than $70 an hour (!) to review public records. Last year, the newspaper sued the city of Jacksonville for negotiating in secret with the Police & Fire Pension Fund. (Circuit Judge Waddell Wallace declared in December that the negotiations were illegal.) In 2011, a Jacksonville man, Curtis Lee, sued that pension fund for overcharging him for records he requested, and won. (Over the years, Lee has spent upward of $90,000 trying to get local agencies to turn over records.) And back in 2007, after a three-year, $9,000 fight that “highlighted the city’s contempt for public records laws,” Folio Weekly contributor Marvin Edwards forced the city to “discover” 25 boxes of records — which officials had previously claimed didn’t exist — related to the city’s quests to lure the Jaguars and the Super Bowl. Earlier this year, state Rep. David Hood, R-Daytona Beach Shores, rolled out a bill to streamline the public records process and reduce the fees agencies can charge to review records. That Legislature had other priorities. Sunlight, as they say, is the best disinfectant. Our public servants serve us. Their records are our records. Their meetings are our meetings. It’s high time they acquiesced to that reality. Jeffrey C. Billman twitter/jeffreybillman


Look, Ma, We Have Integrity!

I simply could not let you spew nonsense in your latest editorial [Editor’s Note, “The War Is Over,” Jeffrey C. Billman, April 23] without a response. You actually publishing this would prove at least that you have some editorial integrity. You liberals simply drink the Kool-Aid and move merrily along, mindless of reality. Just because a federal government office releases unsubstantiated claims, you publish them as gospel and ridiculously claim that “the war [over Obamacare] is over.” You hail “reasonably priced” protection. Exactly who do you think is paying the bill for those “less fortunate” (or less motivated) individuals? You and I are. You hail that “children can stay on their parents’ plan until they are 26 years old.” A generation ago, living with your parents and being dependent upon them a day past your 18th birthday was a stigma, certainly not something to be proud of. How can anyone actually be proud of breeding government-dependent citizens? How about researching some real facts before you spew mindless drivel? The Washington Post has reported that a great percentage of those signed up haven’t actually paid any premiums yet (and many won’t). Does Amazon or Ford count sales when no one paid for the merchandise? A great percentage of the newly signed-up are not previously uninsured, which was the primary goal of the health care act. Between 5 and 6 million lost their existing insurance last year because of Obamacare. These people signing up now in the program weren’t previously uninsured, and cannot be honestly counted. And many of the newly signed-up were previously insured, but now have less expensive premiums by qualifying for subsidized programs where you and I pay for the balance of their premiums. According to McKinsey & Company, about 27 percent of the reported new signees for Obamacare were previously uninsured. A pretty dramatic failure. Goldman Sachs reported that approximately 1 million previously uninsured signed up for Obamacare before the March 31 deadline. Forbes reported three-fourths of the new signees say their new premium is higher than their previous health care premium. When you look at the actual facts, the Affordable Care Act has been a dramatic failure. The war is not over, far from it. Every day that passes, we find out more lies and hidden bad news in this killing legislation. There will be many, many more battles before this life-sucking legislation can be declared dead or alive. For our collective sake, I pray that it dies quickly. Mike Devine

Search for Truth

I read John E. Citrone’s article [Cover Story, “Godless in the Bible Belt,” April 23] with great interest. I grew up in Tennessee and was raised much as he is raising his daughter. My father was an outspoken agnostic, my mother a non-churchgoer who dabbled in the New Age

while never renouncing her Christian roots. They taught me to tell the truth, to work hard, to reject racism, to read widely and to think independently — and they left it up for me to decide for myself matters of faith, encouraging my interest in anything that was positive. When I was 10, someone gave us a New Testament in modern English. I began reading it during my summer vacation and it started me thinking more deeply about moral issues and about God. A televised Billy Graham crusade a year later led to my conversation to Christ, which has lasted for the past 45 years. Literally overnight I changed from a selfish, insecure little bully who was tormented by fear-filled nightmares to a happy kid who made friends with the outcasts at school. I never had another of those terrifying dreams. When I wanted to start attending church, my mother took me to the church of my choice (and later joined me), and my father, while maintaining his own opinions, made sure I always had a ride to church. I’m grateful that my parents gave me the freedom to choose my faith at a young age, even when my choices were far different from their own. My faith in Jesus Christ has been the greatest source of joy and meaning in my life. I’m incredibly thankful for parents who never force-fed me religion or unbelief, but lovingly supported me in my own search for truth. Unfortunately, I think that my experience is the exception. Most atheist or agnostic parents seem to expend as much effort as any fundamentalist to ensure that their children do not stray from their parents’ worldview and value system. I’ve also observed that quite often atheism is less a rejection of God than a reaction to rigid, coercive parenting or to immaturity and hypocrisy among those who profess a faith which they don’t live well. I hope that the freethinkers and agnostics in your article who are raising children will not repeat the mistakes their own parents made, but will give their children the freedom, even before they are fully grown, to explore faith and make real choices of their own. Margaret Meyer

Fire and Brimstone

I wanted to commend you on a well-written piece [“Godless”]. I was raised in a Catholic family but became a skeptic about age 10. My mother quit the church in 1962, when the pope issued his encyclical on birth control (“I’m not going to let some celibate old man tell me I have to be a baby machine”). We came to Jacksonville in 1968. I was flabbergasted by the fire-and-brimstone ravings of the local Bible-thumpers. I had never been exposed to anything like this in my life. I could only surmise that these people were insane. Forty-six years later, I suspect my first impression was spot-on. Michael Ray FitzGerald, PhD

Correction A story in last week’s issue [Music, “The Heartland Wants What It Wants,” Nick McGregor, April 30] included an incorrect date for The Head and the Heart’s concert. The band plays on Thur., May 8, at Ponte Vedra Concert Hall. We regret the error. If you would like to respond to something that appeared in Folio Weekly, please send an email with your address and phone number (for verification purposes only) to We reserve the right to edit letters for grammar, clarity and space.

MAY 7-13, 2014 | | 5

NEWS BUZZ Keep Calm and Sine Die

Now that the Greatest Legislature Money Can Buy™ has declared Mission Accomplished — the mission being to boost Gov. Rick Scott’s slagging re-elect and make him look slightly less cretinous — and called it a year, we thought it fitting and proper to cast a wistful glance back at the legislative session that was and take stock of how our elected representatives went about the people’s business. (Tl;dr: Ugh.) We begin this odyssey with a look at what the Legislature didn’t do, a subject about which we could write Tolstoyian volumes: It did not, for starters, broach the subject of expanding Medicaid, which means more members of the state’s working poor, like Charlene Dill [News, “Falling Into the Gap,” Billy Manes, April 16], will die completely unnecessary deaths in the name of political obstinacy. The GOP-dominated Legislature also (unsurprisingly) failed to lift a finger to further LGBT rights, shooting down bills to add sexual orientation to the state’s nondiscrimination laws — it’s still totally cool to fire someone for being gay — and create a domestic partnership registry [Cover Story, “Marriage Equality. Now,” Jeffrey C. Billman, Feb. 5]. Nor did lawmakers advance a proposed constitutional amendment to offer businesses tax credits for installing solar panels or a bill to protect the state’s springs — and, of course, we won’t be creating an online voter registration system. Democracy shouldn’t be too easy. Here’s some not-terrible news: While the Senate overwhelmingly passed the odious SB 1714 [News Buzz, April 16], the House did not, and the damn thing is finally good

6 | | MAY 7-13, 2014

and dead. SB 1714 — backed by the Florida Beer Wholesalers Association, which has controlled the state’s beer distribution for decades — would have allowed craft brewers to sell 64-ounce growlers (finally), but only in exchange for a ban on selling their bottles and cans directly to the public. Oh, and the insane bill to allow any yahoo to carry his gun during an emergency crashed and burned, too. The Legislature did get some stuff done: In between slashing taxes by $500 million (it’s an election year, after all), passing the largest budget in state history (a porky $77.1 billion), expanding the state’s Stand Your Ground law to include warning shots (what could possibly go wrong?), and siphoning off even more tax dollars for private school vouchers, the Legislature found time to tackle the big issues, passing a bill forbidding judges from using foreign law, especially scary Muslim or queer European law). And lawmakers also cracked down a little more on abortion rights, because of course they did. Worth mentioning: You’ll hear a lot of talk

this fall about how this year’s budget contains the most education spending ever, which is true in a nominal sense, but not really. The $6,937 per student the state is spending this fiscal year is still less than the $7,126 it spent in 2008, and well below the national average. We’ll conclude on the high notes, such as they are: In a transparent sop to the Hispanics whom Republicans are desperate to court, the Legislature acquiesced to basic human dignity and passed a bill to allow children brought to the U.S. illegally access to in-state tuition rates. (Both Gov. Bat Boy and perpetual wet noodle Charlie Crist have flip-flopped on the issue.) And the Legislature legalized a strain of lowTHC marijuana, known as Charlotte’s Web, used to treat children with epileptic seizures. Naturally — this is Florida — the bill does nothing for the thousands of individuals who will medically benefit from the varietals that get you high. For them, there’s Amendment 2, coming this fall.

Math Is Hard

While serving in the Florida House of Representatives, future Lt. Gov. Jennifer Carroll raked in close to $100,000 in consulting fees from Allied Veterans in 2009 and ’10. But, as we now know, neither her financial disclosure forms nor her income tax filings correctly reported that income. Carroll also reported to the IRS she earned $48,000 from Allied Veterans, while the nonprofit reported it had paid her $72,000. Soon after the Florida Department of Law Enforcement questioned Carroll about her involvement with Allied Veterans, she resigned (at Rick Scott’s behest) as lieutenant

governor — right before a law enforcement sweep netted 57 people for running an illegal gambling operation. Two weeks ago, the FDLE announced Carroll hadn’t done anything illegal, though it has forwarded the matter to the Florida Commission on Ethics. A week later, the Fleming Island Republican pled her case to the Times-Union, blaming Scott for dumping her at the first sign of trouble — “I felt so betrayed,” she said, sprinkling in wonderful words like “treacherous” and “backstabbing” — and hinting at a juicy tell-all set to drop in August, just in time for Scott’s re-election bid to hit the homestretch. Hell hath no fury, etc. Anyway, since Carroll’s been in the news lately, and since she’s explaining away the discrepancies in her tax filings that led to her dismissal as mere oversights she’d be happy to correct, we feel compelled to note here that this isn’t the first time Carroll’s math has been, well, problematic. Actually, you could say there’s a pattern. As Folio Weekly’s Susan Clark Armstrong reported in 2006, Carroll stated on financial disclosure forms that her net worth rose from $397,000 in 2002 to $202 million (!) in 2006, all on a military pension of $60,000 per year. In 2004, Carroll claimed her net worth was $271,122; the next year, she claimed $23 million, with no explanation for the Lebron-like leap. And then in 2006, Carroll reported her net worth at $202 million. She told Armstrong it should have been $2.3 million, and that she’d made a mistake filling out the form. As then-state Sen. Jim King quipped: “What a difference a decimal makes.” What a difference indeed. — Jeffrey C. Billman and Susan Cooper Eastman



The 2014 session passed without the Legislature doing anything to address Florida’s pending water crisis


y the time the 2014 legislative session ended last week, the House and Senate had looked at nearly 1,000 bills each. They’d addressed everything from the establishment of a Law Enforcement Officers Hall of Fame to penalties for the possession of spiny lobsters in Florida to creating an official Florida Storytelling Week. But one issue they refused to address, at least not in any meaningful way, is the potentially devastating water shortage staring down the entire state. “Another year has gone by without tackling one piece of water quality or quantity issue legislation,” says state Rep. Linda Stewart, D-Orlando, who sponsored the Springs Revival Act, introduced in the House on March 4, that went nowhere. “We’ve had not one single discussion about it.” The problem, says Stewart (and waterconservation experts), is that the state keeps putting off dealing with water conservation and quality issues, despite the fact that our population is growing quickly — as a result, water demand is going up while supply is becoming dangerously low. According to the Central Florida Water Initiative, a joint venture of the St. Johns River Water Management District, South Florida Water Management District and Southwest Florida Water Management District, Orlando is using as much water as it safely can from the Floridan Aquifer, where 90 percent of the region’s potable water comes from — and

consequently, the CFWI has proposed raiding the St. Johns River to make up the difference. Though Central Florida treats the aquifer as if it had a never-ending supply of water, the quantity is finite. “The current levels of groundwater withdrawals in the Orlando area are reaching the limits of sustainability,” says Hank Largin, public communications coordinator for the St. Johns River Water Management District. Currently, Central Florida pulls approximately 800 million gallons of water per day from the aquifer — and the aquifer can’t handle much more. “Technical experts from the Central Florida Water Initiative teams have determined that only about 50 million gallons per day remain.” But growth projections (and constant requests from businesses, cities and counties that want permission to pump ever more water from the aquifer to meet their needs) say that over the next 30 years, demand for water is going to far surpass what the aquifer can deliver. As Central Florida pumps more and more out of it, that region runs the risk of saltwater intrusion — as aquifer levels run low, they make way for coastal waters to flow inland. Saltwater intrusion can make fresh water undrinkable, increases the presence of minerals and nutrients in bodies of freshwater, and can harm crops. Too much pumping will also mean noticeable drops in the water

MAY 7-13, 2014 | | 7

NEWS levels in local lakes, rivers and streams, and reduction of flow in springs (which is already happening), as well as shrinking wetlands, which are vital for filtering pollutants from the water that reaches them. Yet, water-management districts continue to issue permits to businesses that want to increase the amount of water they consume. “They continue to give away consumptive use permits as if we had water to give,” Stewart says. “But we don’t have it. They just passed legislation to approve a 30-year consumptive use permit request — yet we don’t even have enough water for consumptive use past four years, let alone 30. They simply do not understand, nor do they even acknowledge, that there’s going to be a problem.” “Right now we have an anti-regulation, de-regulation leadership in this state,” says St. Johns Riverkeeper Lisa Rinaman. “They want to fuel growth, and they don’t want people to think we have a water problem and we have to conserve, when that’s really what would sustain future growth if we do it smartly.” Though the Floridan Aquifer supplies water for drinking and irrigation in Central Florida, what happens down there matters here in Northeast Florida, especially if the CFWI makes good on plans to drain 150 million gallons a day from the St. Johns, which critics say could lead to a host of environmental problems that would be very difficult and pricey to reverse, and have potentially disastrous effects on our region’s ecosystems. Though the Senate has moved on some water-conservation bills this session, the House has failed to do so. And without similar or matching legislation in both houses, bills to address the state’s water-shortage problems were a dead issue this session. Stewart says that the House leadership decided it would rather wait another year before dealing with the water crisis. Why? Politics. Stewart says House Speaker Will Weatherford held off on water legislation because he wants to leave it for Majority Leader Steve Crisafulli to address when he becomes speaker next year. “Weatherford stated in the House that he would fund a lagoon project, some funding for the Everglades and for Lake Okeechobee, which runs into the Everglades, and that’s it,” she says. “His comment was that he wasn’t going to do anything further because when Crisafulli gets in as Speaker, that’s what he wants to tackle. He wants it to be his legacy, so we’re going to let him do it. … It’s extremely frustrating.” In the meantime, she says, the CFWI — a committee charged with figuring out how, exactly, Central Florida is going to meet its water needs in the coming years while accessible sources literally dry up — is working on a comprehensive regional water supply plan. A draft of the plan was finished late last year and should be finalized in May. Among other things, it says that by 2035, the population of the area covered by the CFWI is projected to grow from 2.7 million to 4.1 million; to make sure that people have enough water to drink, Central Florida will need more than 1,100 million gallons of fresh water per day. That’s 300 million more gallons than it draws now — and about 250 million more gallons than the aquifer even contains to be pumped. Short-term solutions for meeting those needs include pumping water from

nearby rivers and tributaries, including the St. Johns, but that carries with it a price. The St. Johns is already suffering from more nutrients than it can easily dilute — storm water runoff, fertilizers and wastewater running into the river are poisoning its waters — and pumping water out of it will only compound the problem. Desalinization plants that can remove the salt from seawater are also being considered, but they are wildly expensive. Plants that can safely sanitize wastewater will likely also have a growing role in the future of the state’s water supply. “We’re going to be saddled with the future pollution problems in the St. Johns,” says Rinaman, “and we as a community will be responsible for cleaning it up. If we don’t start living within our water means, it’s going to cause us paying for more expensive water. The costs of making the water potable will get more expensive and will be passed on to the consumer. It’s pay now or pay later.” Right now, Stewart says, our legislators should be funding water conservation, management and protection — something they’ve been historically slow to address. “This is going to have to be dealt with,” Stewart says. “You cannot give water to subdivisions or to people that you don’t have. I think we only have like a year or two left in the aquifer — we don’t have that fresh source of water that we have always had access to, so we’re going to have to put plans together to do deals, and they are not cheap. … Water has been abused and misunderstood for over 10 years now, and we’re getting to a critical point.” Though lawmakers declined to do anything meaningful this session, later this year, voters will have a chance to address the issue for themselves. Amendment 1, which will appear on the Nov. 4 ballot, will ask voters to amend the state’s constitution to set aside one-third of all real-estate documentary stamp tax revenues (paid when a property is sold) to fund water conservation, management and restoration projects. If the amendment passes, Stewart says, it would force the state to put plans into place for spending money to conserve the water resources we’re overusing. Conservationists estimate that the amendment could generate up to $5 billion over the course of a decade if it passes. Of course, Stewart says, expect to see a big pushback by business interests who don’t want the doc-stamp measure passed. “Their idea is to go and stick a straw in the [Econlockhatchee River, a tributary of the St. Johns River] and suck the water down so they can have water for a subdivision,” she says. “You’re going to see all kinds of ideas come up for how to get water, but unless you tackle water quality and quantity and new water resources, you are not going to tackle water. You’re just not.” “There’s all these ways for us to live within our water means,” Rinaman adds. “We’re not getting serious about doing so. Until our elected officials start focusing on aggressive conservation, it’s going to force these extremely expensive infrastructure projects that are going to damage our rivers and springs.”

“Water has been abused and misunderstood for over 10 years now, and we’re getting to a critical point.”

8 | | MAY 7-13, 2014

Erin Sullivan A version of this story originally appeared in Orlando Weekly. Additional reporting by Travis Crawford.


CHERYL MOTT, SECURITY OFFICER AT THE MAIN LIBRARY Folio Weekly: What’s the funniest, leastnormal thing you’ve ever found in a person’s bag? Cheryl Mott: A gun. It was a middle-aged man, probably late 30s, early 40s guy. Were you scared? Yes. But it was taken apart. The clip was taken out. I asked him if he had a permit for it. He might have been a militia-type person; he said he didn’t care about library rules and that he only adhered to the Constitution. It was scary. Do you carry a weapon yourself? No, I don’t. Do you ever get homeless people coming through? All day! Have you had to send anyone away for having something in his bag? Yes, for alcohol. Probably a couple times a day. Beer? Liquor? I’ve seen a six-pack before. What did you tell him? You can’t bring that in the library! What did they say? They were like, “But I said, like, I’m not gonna drink it.” And I said, “Yeah, right.” Were they just kids? No! Adults. Do you actually work for the library or for somebody else? It’s a security company. I’m a contractor. How long have you been doing this? I’ve been working for this company about six months. At what other kinds of places have you done security? The stadium. It’s the same job but there’s

more people, larger volumes of people. Do you work at other libraries as well? I have. Smaller ones. I worked at Brentwood. So why security? Actually, I come from retail management and I don’t see it as that different, because you’re protecting assets and enforcing policies. It’s really a lateral move to me. Why’d you leave retail? I was working lots of hours. The hours here are pretty good. Nine in the morning to six or seven in the evening. But you work more hours than that in retail. Has anyone ever tried to steal anything from the library? [Laughs.] One guy had some magazines. They beeped as he walked out. He was like, “No, these are my magazines,” and I said, “Um, it says ‘Main Library.’ I’m pretty sure they’re not yours.” I said, “Take them to the librarians and check them out again,” and I saw him just throw them on the shelf and leave. But I’m pretty sure he was gonna use them for personal usage. They were Katy Perry in her bikini top. And Shakira. He probably was gonna take them home and beat to ’em. How often do the alarms beep? Maybe about three or four times a day. But it’s probably not intentional; some people don’t desensitize the thing at the self-checkout. Do you come to the library when you’re not working? Absolutely! On my off day, I come here and take the computer classes. Dennis Ho MAY 7-13, 2014 | | 9


THE RIGHT TO REFUSE Jacksonville’s failure to pass LGBT protections has real-life consequences for real-life people


udos to the city of Neptune Beach for passing a law last month to ban discrimination against the LGBT community. If only the Jacksonville City Council had been able to pull that off when it should’ve. Instead, two years ago, we witnessed one of the most embarrassing episodes in Jacksonville political history when, despite bipartisan support from many community leaders, including former Mayor John Delaney, the Council failed to pass a bill to expand the city’s Human Rights Ordinance. The expansion of the HRO would have guaranteed the LGBT community equal protection under the law. It failed to pass in two iterations. The original and more stringent was smacked down 17-2. A compromise failed 10-9. Local political watchers remember vividly the switcheroo that Councilman Johnny Gaffney pulled. After riding the fence, even teasing support, Gaffney twerked at the last minute, claiming to have been “confused” and powerless to resist a tidal surge of constituent opposition. At least Gaffney had a position — maybe two. That’s still better than the impotent Alvin Brown. Mayor Next Level sat on his hands during the whole debate, serving up a big “F you” to the LGBT community that mobilized on behalf of his campaign, only to find that he didn’t feel inclined to pay them back for support he hadn’t courted in the fi rst place. Why take a stand on anything more controversial than a Paul McCartney concert? Gutless and vacuous. That’s a big reason why Peter Rummell’s money will work against the mayor next year, not for him. Rummell cited Brown’s diffidence on the HRO as a reason he has broken with the mayor he did so much to install, in favor of state GOP chairman and rumored mayoral wannabe Lenny Curry. For career pols, human rights are but mere abstract concerns; for real-life gays and lesbians, these leaders’ failure to lead has real-life consequences.

Consider the case of local musician Alex E — known for her involvement in Tomboi, Wild Life Society, PRZM and Ritual Union — who posted on Facebook recently that a Westside thrift store had “just profiled me in their store and kicked me out, because I’m gay.” “I definitely was thrown out,” Alex says. “My friend and I were walking around the store looking for clothes” when an employee approached (with two enforcers not too far behind) and “said we needed to leave. I asked why. She said they have the right to refuse service to anyone for any reason.” The reason, according to Alex: She and her friend, who is biracial, were showing affection for one another — kissing and holding hands. And the people who asked her to leave were white. She figured that might have something to do with it. That and homophobia. Even assuming everything Alex alleges is true, it’s not illegal — not under state or Jacksonville law. This isn’t the first time she’s faced harassment on account of her sexual orientation, either. “I’ve been followed to my car with girls, spat on, called faggot, chased [and have heard] rape threats,” she says. “I’m comfortable with who I am. Unfortunately, the rest of the world isn’t the same.” Discrimination against people perceived to be gay is a Duval County tradition. Faded scenesters from the Einstein A-Go-Go days may remember the rednecks driving by the Jax Beach club back in the Reagan-Bush era yelling “faggot” from their truck windows at the goth kids out front. Jarring as that was for the targets of the harassment, we’ve come to assume that we are past that. Clearly, we are not. Clearly, there are people who cling to atavistic hatreds. Clearly, other cities are willing to enforce the expectations of a truly civil society. Clearly, we’re not there yet.

“I’m comfortable with who I am. Unfortunately, the rest of the world isn’t the same.”

10 | | MAY 7-13, 2014

AG Gancarski twitter/aggancarski

MAY 7-13, 2014 | | 11

© 2014

COMING ATTRACTION Karen Sadler’s World Arts Film Festival wants to rekindle Jacksonville’s love affair with the movies — and help kids with special needs along the way Story by David Johnson Photo Illustration by Shan Stumpf, Dreamstime photo elements


here was a time, about a century ago, when Jacksonville billed itself as the Winter Film Capital of the World, and with good reason. This was where New York City producers traded the snow and cold for sunnier, more scenic locales. This was where silent era star Oliver Hardy (of the famous Laurel and Hardy comedy team) shot his first film (1914’s Outwitting Dad), where Kalem Studios opened in 1908, where Metro Pictures (later the first M in MGM) originated, where the first full-length Technicolor picture was filmed (1917’s The Gulf Between, now lost to history), where Norman Studios produced silent films with all African-American casts in the Roaring Twenties. But this was also where moviemakers set buildings afire just to watch (and film) them burn, where filmmakers drove a car off the Main Street Bridge, where directors staged machine-gun fights Downtown. “That kind of shenanigan doomed the film industry here,” says local author and 12 | | MAY 7-13, 2014

historian Wayne Wood, who documented some of the city’s movie history in his book The Jacksonville Family Album: 150 Years of the Art of Photography. The Bohemian Yankees quickly wore out their welcome. There were other factors, of course — World War I, the rise of Hollywood — but Wood points to the 1917 election of Mayor John Wellborn Martin, a teetotaling anti-film crusader, as the crucial moment when the city lost its filmmaking mojo. Since then, Jacksonville’s support of the movie industry has come and gone in fits and spurts. The Jacksonville Film Festival brought independent film to the city for a decade before screening its last picture in 2012. Sun-Ray Cinema’s eclectic mix of special events and the efforts of owners Tim Massett and Shana David-Massett to screen indies have won the theater a fanatical following. But Northeast Florida is as well known for what might have been as for its share of screen time in Cool Hand Luke, Tigerland, The Devil’s Advocate and G.I. Jane. Into this void steps the relentless Karen Sadler, a producer with a deep history in the

music video industry in New York City (she’s worked with A Tribe Called Quest, LL Cool J and Russell Simmons, among others), who aims to raise Jacksonville’s film profile both regionally and globally. Described by supporters as a tour de force, a born leader, a little puppy nipping at your leg, a producer with “the heart of an artist,” Sadler founded the World Arts Film Festival in 2013 with a broad mission to go “beyond age and beyond ability” — to inspire professional and first-time filmmakers, including those with special needs, and to reignite a passion for the medium in her adopted hometown. That may sound grandiose. But then again, Sadler may be an uncommon visionary with the tenacity and sincerity necessary to connect the world and film in Jacksonville again in a significant way. (Her celebrity cachet won’t hurt either.)


Karen Sadler isn’t a name-dropper. It took more than an hour talking with her in Hemming Plaza and several phone calls before she delved into the details of her career with

music and film heavyweights in the 1980s and ’90s. After finishing a presentation for a Pecha Kucha event last month at the Museum of Contemporary Art Jacksonville, Sadler mingled with members of the audience taken by her ardor for film, arts and education. By then, MOCA was closing, so we sat on a bench in Hemming (even as an animated debate was still rumbling in another part of the plaza) — across from the Downtown Main Library, where her World Arts Film Festival will take place May 15, 16 and 17. Sadler is a reservoir of boundless energy; she looks to be in her mid-40s, but dodges even a question about the ages of her son and daughter — “They’re grown” is all she tells me — much less her own. At a meeting of World Arts Festival organizers, Sadler clutches a silver thermos, a gift from her daughter, like a security blanket (her drink of choice is tea, not coffee). She’s quick to trust her collaborators and does not micromanage. This thing might be her baby, but she’s not uptight about it. She was born in Trinidad, arrived in

the U.S. as a 2-year-old, and moved around as a child because her father taught civil engineering at several far-flung colleges. She lived in Montréal from age 11 through her college years at Concordia University. “The day that I found film is one of the most memorable days,” she says. “I walked into an English class. [The teacher] said, ‘I’m a filmmaker and I’m making this film this weekend and you guys are all invited.’ ” That was the beginning of a great, lifelong love affair. After earning a degree in visual arts, Sadler took on New York City, paying her dues first at commercial production companies Knightsbridge and Shooting Stars, working her way through every level of the industry (production assistant, coordinator, assistant producer, supervising producer), and ultimately becoming an executive producer. Around 1990, she started her own production company, the first in the industry devoted solely to representing music video directors. She worked on videos with Public Enemy, Method Man, Ice Cube and A Tribe Called Quest, all back when MTV was relevant and the excitement was palpable. (She reminisces about the night Def Jam co-founder Russell Simmons arrived at her house party just after recording Run-D.M.C.’s “Walk This Way.” “He was like, ‘Oh my God, this was so good.’ ”) She stood at an important nexus in the industry: “Film industry by day, music industry by night; I couldn’t have had a better life.” Sadler collaborated with top directorial talents from New York University, Rhode Island School of Design and Maryland Institute College of Art in Baltimore as they were honing their craft. Many went on to major success in the film and TV: • Charles Stone III, who directed the original Budweiser “Whazzup?” ad, based on his short film True. • Millicent Shelton, who directed Salt-NPepa’s “Let’s Talk About Sex” and earned an Emmy nomination for 30 Rock. • Andrew Dosunmu, whose feature films Restless City and Mother of George premiered at the Sundance Film Festival. Sadler credits Simmons with first recommending she meet a young filmmaker

“Jacksonville has always loved the movies. It just hasn’t always been able to support them.”

named Brett Ratner, best known for directing the Rush Hour trilogy, Red Dragon and X-Men: The Last Stand. (Marvel fanboys haven’t gotten over that last atrocity.) Sadler and Ratner worked together for more than two years before he broke into features.


But then, in the late ’90s, a crazy thing happened. “My daughter was 5,” Sadler says. “We were living in the Village, and we pretty much had everything we could possibly ask for in a New York state of mind. I had gone to Washington Square Park with her one day, and we were hanging out. I looked up and realized we were in line for a swing. That was it. It was over. I said, ‘We’ve got to get out of here.’ ” A friend who’d moved from Connecticut to Atlantic Beach convinced her to visit. Within weeks, Sadler had decided to move to Northeast Florida. And then, after two years commuting to New York by plane, Sadler took a step back from her career and turned her focus to arts education. A friend called one day, telling Sadler there weren’t any creative outlets for her daughter, who had autism. “I had watched this little one grow up. She was wonderfully creative,” Sadler

recalls. “I said to her mom, ‘Let’s do something about this.’ ” A friend had seen the camps that Joey Travolta (yes, John’s older brother) was leading for children and teens with autism spectrum disorders on the national news. Sadler reached out to Travolta and partnered with the HEAL Foundation (Healing Every Autistic Life) in Ponte Vedra Beach and the University of North Florida to organize film camps. Each summer from 2008 to 2011, these camps brought together 50 children — about 30 with autism, along with their siblings — and some three dozen UNF education students. “Here was a perfect opportunity,” says associate professor Karen Patterson, department chair of UNF’s Exceptional, Deaf and Interpreter Education program. The camps provided a hands-on learning experience that textbooks never could. “It’s making filmmaking something that’s not special, not just for the elite. It’s something for all students.” They are “ready to turn the key as soon as we can for another summer camp,” Sadler says. But to do that, they need money — about $100,000. Enter the World Arts Film Festival, the primary tool to spread awareness for Sadler’s World Arts Education nonprofit, the umbrella organization for the film camps and other programs.


This is a copyright p


In 2008, Sadler began pondering a newFor questions, please call your advertising repre film festival as an opportunity to present the FAX YOUR PROOF IF P kids’ works from the camps and bring top filmmakers and films into Downtown. About 2,000 people attended last year’s fest at MOCA over three days in April. PROMISE OF BENEFIT SUPPORT ASK FOR ACTION Produced by KAC Che “Like any other small organization with a big idea, there’s growing pains, but you wouldn’t trade it for the world,” Sadler says. One advantage this year is that the screenings, panels and workshops will all be held on one floor in the library’s conference center. Another is the move to May, which Sadler believes will work better for students coming to the festival. “I don’t think I could have kept going if I hadn’t heard wonderful words from so many different people [last year],” she says. “That’s what I heard from families: ‘It’s very special and we need this.’ ”

Karen Sadler

Photo by Dennis Ho MAY 7-13, 2014 | | 13



Synopsis: The human face is impossible to ignore. Its varieties are endless, and its expressive possibilities are seemingly infinite. New York City is one of the world’s great melting pots. It’s a showcase for the human race, as well as the human face. A simple camera gives us license to guiltlessly savor our innate voyeuristic compulsions. It does not steal anything from its subjects; moreover, it allows people to share their humanity anonymously, fixed in a moment of unrehearsed candor. This is a photo-poem that celebrates the physiognomy and multiformity of one of the world’s greatest people-watching pageants.

This is a copyright protected proof ©

stions, please call your advertising representative at 260-9770. RUN DATE: 041614 R PROOF IF POSSIBLE AT 268-3655




Produced by KAC Checked by

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Family Time

Please Resist Me

Amaqqut Nunaat (The Country of Wolves)

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Beautiful antebellum Inn with spacious guest rooms boasting the modern amenities guests love while safekeeping the old world charm. Romantic working fireplaces, antiques from around the world, private baths, whirlpool tubs, spa robes and fresh flowers are a few of the luxuries you may expect. Enjoy our beautifully landscaped gardens, fountains and our sweeping verandahs. Feast on a delicious gourmet breakfast each morning and sip wine ‘neath 500-year-old oak trees. All your worries will drift away.

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Director: Neil Christopher Country: Canada Synopsis: A hunting excursion evolves into an otherworldly encounter as two brothers navigate the spirit realm in this ethereal and haunting animation that celebrates the ancient art of Inuit storytelling.

Director: Helen Cotton Country: United Kingdom Synopsis: This is a short yet intense film about four families who spend a week camping together in the countryside. Filmed by the families themselves, it follows the trials and tribulations of their time away from home. Through different activities, they have the opportunity to get to know each other and overcome their fears. And, most important, they get to share their own problems; indeed, the film reminds us that we are never alone.

Hannah Lost Her Smile

Director: Dani Bowman Country: United States Synopsis: One bright morning, Hannah awoke and went to the bathroom to wash her face and brush her teeth. But when she looked at the mirror, to her surprise, she’d lost her smile. Will Hannah ever get her smile back?

Faces of New York

Please Resist Me

Sadler’s vision for this festival is quite different than the one she had for Jacksonville Film Festival, which she co-founded with Joan Monsky in 2003. Then, Sadler’s focus was on providing a festival that would connect the city’s disengaged neighborhoods. The city is more connected now, she says. She left the Jacksonville Film Festival after helping get it off the ground, saying she turned her focus on other projects and raising her kids. After her departure, the festival went through several organizers, scaled back its schedule and even rebranded itself as the Jax Film Fest, before putting on its last event in 2012. In the end, the bulk of the work seemed to fall on just a few, some of whom were volunteers. The films in World Arts are all shorts, generally 1 to 20 minutes long, with a mix of professional and amateur talent from the U.S. (including Northeast Florida) and more than 30 other countries. Australian hip-hop and spoken word artist Luka Lesson will be a virtual guest; three of his music videos will be screened. When his work was selected, he didn’t know of Sadler’s extensive background in the music business. “All of a sudden, I was, like, don’t look at my video,” Lesson says with a laugh, speaking via Skype from Australia. Lesson (real name: Luke Haralampou) also plans to share his new album, EXIT, which dropped earlier this month, with attendees. California animator Dani Bowman, a 19-year-old with autism who’s had three films screen at Comic-Con in San Diego, brings Hannah Lost Her Smile to this year’s World Arts fest, after showing Mr. Raindrop and The Namazu last year. Bowman founded the Power Light Animation Studios at age 11 and began working professionally at 14. “I like that all people with disabilities get to show their abilities,” says Bowman, who has taught animation at Travolta’s camps in

Jacksonville and elsewhere. “Not only do you get to see the screenings, you get to see the art.”

Director: Wayne Wood Country: United States

Artist/Co-Director: Luka Lesson Country: Australia


“Jacksonville has always loved the movies. It just hasn’t always been able to support them,” says Wood. The historian, who has supported independent film opportunities here since the 1970s (along with Folio Weekly movie columnist Pat McLeod), sees World Arts as ambitious and focused, another worthy effort to bring great film to the city’s doorstep. Sadler, always effusively positive, buys in completely to the idea of Downtown’s resurgence — and her festival’s role in it. “I still love New York, of course, but this is an entrepreneur’s paradise,” she says. “I love that openness about Jacksonville.” Her approach to and goals for her film projects are markedly different from those of the filmmakers who lit up (and burned down) Jacksonville a century ago. Memories of her 17-year-old self discovering that love of film and her family life, shaped around colleges where her father taught, helped her write the script for her life. She often repeats one of her father’s sayings: “If you teach the love of learning, the learning itself will follow.” Her supporters, many of whom are volunteering for the festival, share that vision. “If Jacksonville is going to speak to the world, it needs to speak through a number of mediums,” says Keith Marks, executive director of Party, Benefit & Jam, a nonprofit organization that’s assisting Sadler. “Jacksonville has tended to be a bit culturally insular. And in regard to children, this city will only be as intelligent and creative as its citizens are. Jacksonville needs to invest in youth in a big way if it wants to be a culturally dynamic place to live in the future.”

ADVERTISING PROOF SURFprotected CAMP proof © This is a copyright Synopsis: Virtual guest Luka Lesson, a hip-hop artist, presents three films, curates segments of the sound environment room and delivers a filmed message from his home in Australia.

For questions, please call your advertising representative at 260-9770. FAX YOUR PROOF IF POSSIBLE AT 268-36



Director: Natalie Bogart PROMISE OF BENEFIT Country: United States Synopsis: Fathom Sphere sets out on International Go Skateboarding Day to document how locals celebrate this holiday. It was filmed in several locations around Northeast Florida including Kona, Monument, Emerson, Atlantic Beach and Downtown, and the response is overwhelmingly positive. Skaters and enthusiasts were excited to see their culture portrayed positively. This documentary showcases skateboarding through the eyes, ears and wheels of locals. Local musicians provide the soundtrack.



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Une Balade a la Mer (A Ride Towards The Sea)

Director: Damien Stein Country: France Synopsis: In this animated film, a small character decides to go out to face the city and nature to free his goldfish. But the cadence of his own will presents him with numerous surprises: every person, every element of the city he will cross could threaten him. Sources: World Arts Film Festival and filmmakers

WORLD ARTS FILM FESTIVAL SCHEDULE 10 a.m.-10 p.m. May 15-17 Main Library Conference Center, 303 N. Laura St., Downtown Jacksonville Day passes (10 a.m.-6 p.m.) $8 for students/seniors; $10 for general public All-access one-day pass (10 a.m.-10 p.m.) $25 FILM BLOCKS Each day, blocks of films are shown every hour; Q&As follow each block. Daytime films are appropriate for all ages. Films screened after 6 p.m. may have some adult content; information will be posted on location. PANELS & WORKSHOPS Panels and workshops are held throughout each day and evening. DAILY WORKSHOPS & PANELS • Theater improv workshops • Experimental film workshops: Attendees contribute to an experimental film to be shown at a later date on the festival’s website and at events throughout the year. • Multiscreen room: Multiple films are shown simultaneously. • Sound environment room: Attendees experience the elements of sound. FEATURED SPECIAL INTEREST PANELS May 15: Young Directors Panel May 16: Pitch Panel: Improve Your Pitch Workshop, Screenwriting Panel, Young Directors Panel May 17: Casting Panel, Young Directors Panel SPECIAL SCREENING May 17: HBO film Autism, The Musical AFTER-PARTIES Receptions and locations of after-parties TBA. MAY 7-13, 2014 | | 15



Our Picks Reasons to leave the house this week


Texas has a long line of psychedelic legends, from Roky Erickson in the 1960s to The Black Angels in the 2000s. Give ’em a little time, and El Paso’s Holy Wave will ascend to that Lone Star throne. The band’s 2014 album Relax inspires just such a sentiment, combining hazy drones with paisley-clad surf rock and flourishes of Beatlesesque Baroque pop. Holy Wave’s recorded output is great for inducing a narcotic torpor, but performing live the freaks wave a more propulsive, trance-inducing flag. With Blueprint, Count Bass D, DJ Rare Groove, Early Disclaimers, 8 p.m. May 12 at Shanghai Nobby’s, St. Augustine, $8.


British metalcore stalwarts Architects tossed the rulebook, cookie cutters and any expectations of them coasting on the success of previous albums out the window with Lost Forever // Lost Together, their sixth studio release and much-needed breath of fresh air into a tired, formulaic scene. Guitarist and primary songwriter Tom Searle demolishes conventional breakdown/verse/chorus song structure, keeping us guessing with atmospheric meanderings that give way to pummeling, impulsive riffs seamlessly blending calculated rhythms with accessible, organic emotion. While standing toe-to-toe with the most brutal screamers, singer Sam Carter delivers cathartic, soaring cleans to drive the material forward. 6 p.m. May 10 at Underbelly, Downtown, $13.




Modern bands that keep it between standard Americana’s well-trodden white lines rarely make waves with the persnickety critical establishment. But over the course of seven rambling, raucous albums, Portland’s Blitzen Trapper has managed to wow tastemakers like Seattle’s Sub Pop Records, which released three of the band’s records between 2008 and 2011, and heartland dad-rock fans nationwide. Suffusing everything from honky-tonk to psych-folk to AM pop to countrypolitan to prog-rock to glam funk, all with astonishing instrumental chops, intelligent narratives and heartfelt sentiment, Blitzen Trapper thrives on a razor’s edge between ironic mimicry and loving homage. With Matrimony, 8 p.m. May 9 at Jack Rabbits, San Marco, $15.

Caring for her father, who’s succumbing to Alzheimer’s, Ava has become a self-proclaimed hermit. Trying to provide her sister with some form of romantic companionship beyond sipping whiskey and making ceramics, Delmarie (who lives next door) subjects her to disastrous blind dates with mismatched suitors and one cocktail party from hell. The production, under the direction of hometown success story Ian Mairs, explores the family dynamic and the boundaries we set to stay out of the nuthouse. May 9-25 (8 p.m. Thur.Sat.; 2 p.m. Sun. matinees) at Atlantic Beach Experimental Theatre, Atlantic Beach, $15.


The movers, shakers and plié-ers of Jacksonville Dance Theatre are back, now collaborating with the best local artists to create original works to move you. Host of NPR’s State of the Re:Union and poetry slam wordsmith Al Letson contributed his prose, to which artistic director Tiffany Fish created a duet to make the words dance off the page and across the stage. Rebecca R. Levy’s new choreography features live Klezmer music (Jewish party jams) by Guy & The Yehudas. The rest of the 10-dancer company presents new and classic dances by acclaimed choreographers. 7:30 p.m. May 10 at Munnerlyn Center for Worship & Fine Arts, Episcopal School, San Marco, $8-$25. 16 | | MAY 7-13, 2014


Dance-punk peaked in the mid-2000s, with most of the genre’s biggest names moving on stylistically in the ensuing years or simply vanishing into the ether of the Internet era’s earliest musical crazes. But The Faint was plying its throbbing, synth-spiked trade long before the electro-clash bubble burst. And with 2014’s release Doom Abuse, the band’s first studio album in six years, the Omaha boys hit the same frantic, throbbing, politically minded high notes they first exhibited way back in 2001 on masterpiece Danse Macabre. It might sound nostalgic, but The Faint’s thrash-inspired onstage energy never gets old. With Reptar and Solid Goldberg, 8 p.m. May 9 at Freebird Live, Jax Beach, $15.

MAY 7-13, 2014 | | 17

18 | | MAY 7-13, 2014



ver the last 20 years, Conor Oberst has represented so many things to so many people, it’s hard to believe one man is capable of so much. From soul-baring emo rock to penetrating lo-fi folk to cathartic digital pop to shaggy alt-country to fiery agit-punk, the Omaha native has channeled nearly every form of American music through his feverish mind. Amazingly, nearly all of it has come out smelling like sonic roses and bearing Oberst’s unmistakable stamp of quavering vocals, hook-drenched instrumentation and intensely personal insight. With more than 20 albums, multiple business ventures and a mystifying public persona, we examined nine of the many lives lived so far by Conor Oberst.

1. The teenage prodigy.

Oberst first appeared onstage at age 12 and, at 13, self-recorded his first album of original material, Water, in his parents’ basement. By 16, he’d released three more solo cassettes and performed with at least five other bands (see No. 6), all of which set the stage for his hypersensitive, incendiary work with Bright Eyes. That band’s first album, A Collection of Songs Written and Recorded 1995-1997, was released before Oberst even turned 18.

2. The tortured lyrical firebrand.

More than any of his emo contemporaries, 34-year-old Oberst has a gift for incisive storytelling that was, even at a young age, so visceral and throat-grabbing no one could turn away. Oberst tried, mind you; many of his early performances involved him either averting his eyes from the audience all night or performing with his back to the crowd. For those who grew up clinging to every word on early masterpieces like Fevers and Mirrors and Lifted, that selfloathing approach just made the stories — some autobiographical, some mythical, some intimate, some universal — knife even deeper.

3. The production savant.

As a solo artist, Oberst took early inspiration from outsider folkies like Daniel Johnston and Elliott Smith, embracing their lo-fi selfrecording ethos that relied solely on acoustic guitars and four-track recorders. Like Smith, though, Oberst and Bright Eyes bandmate Mike Mogis developed a production style so exotically guttural, symphonically sparse and comfortably discombobulating that the orchestrated kitchen-sink sound came to define the so-called “Omaha Sound” that, thanks to Mogis’ steady workload, prevails today.

4. The electronic visionary.

As early as Bright Eyes’ 1998 debut full-length, Oberst was toying with the construction of folk and pop songs using drum machines, tape noise and experimental feedback, elements eventually peppered throughout his work. In 2005, Oberst even released two albums simultaneously: the folk-based I’m Wide Awake, It’s Morning and the slick, electro-bathed Digital Ash in a Digital Urn. The trial-and-error approach inevitably turned off many of the purists who originally hailed Oberst as a folk prophet. The shameless genre-hopping also presaged the way that indie music circa 2014 gleefully embraces sonic direction from across the creative spectrum.

5. The mellow roots rocker.

Interspersed among Bright Eyes’ incisive emo tours de force were several unabashedly countrified moments, including a large chunk of I’m Wide Awake, It’s Morning. In 2007, with critical attention on Bright Eyes reaching a critical mass, Oberst finally put that Americana

SHAPESHIFTER Indie rock icon Conor Oberst has many stylistic lives. Here are nine fascination front and center, turning his entire creative focus toward a brand of dusty, rollicking roots rock he and his backing Mystic Valley Band perfected during a two-month retreat in Mexico. Oberst’s last three full-lengths — 2008’s Conor Oberst, 2009’s Outer South and 2014’s forthcoming Upside-Down Mountain — all ramble and roll in a similar vein, touching on electric blues, honky-tonk and classic rock.

6. The ubiquitous collaborator.

Before he formed Bright Eyes, Oberst either founded or played with at least five other bands: dance-punkers Norman Bailer, who eventually became international sensations The Faint; emorockers Commander Venus (with Tim Kasher of Cursive and The Good Life fame); politically minded ragers Desaparecidos; and bubblegum poppers Park Ave. Since catapulting to worldwide stardom, Oberst hasn’t given up on his collaborative ways, either. In 2004, he teamed up with Mogis, M. Ward and My Morning Jacket’s Jim James to form the appropriately named supergroup Monsters of Folk; in 2013, he personally directed Desaparecidos’ reunion; and earlier this year, he had Swedish folk stars First Aid Kit provide backing vocals for his new album. On his current tour, Oberst has LA folk-pop experts Dawes opening for him — and as his backing band.

7. The unabashed lover of Florida.

Bright Eyes’ 2007 album Cassadaga was purportedly inspired by Oberst’s fascination with the Central Florida spiritualist camp, while his self-titled 2008 solo album kicked off with

a song called “Cape Canaveral” (sample lyric: “Saw the migrants smoke in the old orange grove/And the red rocket blaze over Cape Canaveral”). It’s not exactly a full-fledged love letter but, since most indie icons treat Florida as an annoying afterthought, we’ll take it.

CONOR OBERST with DAWES 8 p.m. May 13, Ponte Vedra Concert Hall, 1050 A1A N., $35, 209-0339,

8. The business executive.

Oberst’s older brother Justin founded Lumberjack Records in 1993 as a college class project — but also to release Conor’s debut record, Water. The following year, the label morphed into Saddle Creek Records, and by the turn of the century, Saddle Creek — now governed by a collective of longtime Omaha friends — had become the spiritual home of impassioned indie rock. In 2004, Oberst founded Team Love Records to release smaller projects from lesser-known musicians, and in 2012, he opened a bar, Pageturners Lounge, in downtown Omaha.

9. The perpetually pissed-off agitator.

Oberst has made very vocal stands for various liberal causes since the early 2000s, most notably immigration reform (see Desaparecidos’ 2012 single, “MariKKKopa,” about notorious Arizona lawman Joe Arpaio).

But he doesn’t reserve his wrath for just racist politicians. On 2000’s Fevers and Mirrors, Oberst recorded a fake radio interview to skewer the media’s obsession with his supposed neuroses and scathingly personal lyrics. More recently, in January, Oberst told Rolling Stone, “I don’t know if it makes me an asshole to not want to talk to my fans. But I’m not going to sit on a fucking computer and try to talk to some fucking 16-year-old in wherever-the-fuck.” That line felt particularly shocking, considering the fact that a North Carolina woman claimed on her Tumblr account the month before that Oberst had raped her in 2003, when she was 16 years old. Oberst has vehemently denied the accusation, filing a countersuit for libel in February. 88888

So which of these Conor Obersts will Northeast Florida music fans see when he hits Ponte Vedra Concert Hall on May 13? We hope it’s a sampling of each of the man’s many iterations, though the show will surely focus on Oberst’s new country-flavored album Upside-Down Mountain, which drops May 20. After all, since 1993, Oberst has embodied nothing if not perpetual forwardlooking motion. “I don’t relate to a lot of my earlier songs,” he told Rolling Stone in January. “They were extremely verbose. That might be cathartic when you’re doing it, but it doesn’t necessarily hold up.” Nick McGregor

MAY 7-13, 2014 | | 19

Painting with a Twist

Limelight Theatre

292 S.R. 312, St. Augustine, (386) 965-7066 paintingwithatwist/staugustine

11 Old Mission Ave. in Uptown St. Augustine 904-825-1164,

268 Solana Rd., Ponte Vedra, 687-4307

Celebrate Mother’s Day with live theatre! Limelight Theatre has been entertaining St. Augustine for over 20 years with dramas, comedies, musicals and more. Join us for a Mother’s Day matinee of the award-winning family drama “Other Desert Cities,” by Jon Robin Baitz, and moms receive a complimentary glass of wine! Tickets for our May 16-18th touring production of “RED” are also on sale now. Gift certificates are available by calling the box office at (904) 825-1164. We hope to see you in the Limelight!

1525 San Marco Blvd., Jacksonville, 399-8399 This is not your average art class … it’s FUN art, not fine art! At Painting with a Twist, you can bring your favorite bottle of wine or beverage and enjoy step-bystep instruction with our experienced, enthusiastic local artist! You’ll leave with a one-of-a-kind creation and a new-found talent you’ll want to explore. A perfect gift this Mother’s Day is a fun day of painting … with a TWIST! Book a private party and choose from over 3,500 paintings. Purchase gift certificates for this or any occasion from the location closest to you!

Claude’s Chocolate 6 Granada St., St. Augustine 145 Hilden Rd., Ste. 122, Ponte Vedra (US 1) 829-5790,

Aviles Inside Hilton Historic Bayfront Hotel

Your Mom Deserves the Perfect Treat! Truffles, bonbons and more. Each perfect piece is hand-crafted with premium Belgian chocolate and a palette of the finest fruits, nuts and spices from around the globe. Pick up a box or we can ship it for you! Call to or visit us today to pick up the perfect Mother’s Day gift!

32 Avenida Menendez, St. Augustine, 829-2277 Mother’s Day Brunch served from noon-3 p.m. Carved Herb-Crusted Prime Rib, Waffles, Eggs Benedict, Fresh Seafood and Salads. Plus your choice of one Bloody Mary, Glass of Champagne, Mimosa or Poinsettia. Free parking onsite for restaurant guests Call to make reservations today!

20 | | MAY 7-13, 2014

Gigi’s Buffet in Ramada Mandarin 3130 Hartley Rd., Mandarin, 694-4300 Treat your mother to the feast she deserves at Gigi’s Buffet, where there is something for everyone! Brunch will feature Chef-carved delicacies such as Roasted Turkey Breast and Baked Ham. Full breakfast options will also be available with made-to-order omelets. Feast from 11am to 4pm.

MAY 7-13, 2014 | | 21


FOR METAL’S SAKE Shai Hulud, the aggressively loud

product of an angry kid, has mellowed with age — just a little


22 | | MAY 7-13, 2014

ven though it went mainstream more than Fox believes the 2003 album That Within 30 years ago, heavy metal is still one of Blood Ill-Tempered represents the band’s music’s most insular genres. Sonic purity, biggest leap in instrumental and lyrical quality aesthetic urgency and an overall sense of — and he credits much of that to the influence sacrosanct solemnity are hallmarks, which of Kleisath and Fletcher. “Steve opened explains how a band like Shai Hulud can be the door to us learning to be progressive; considered legendary, even revolutionary, we simply would not sound the way we do inside metal’s tight-knit community, but without him. And when Fletcher joined the registers barely a blip on the radar of those on band in 1999, he and I personally unlocked the outside of it. something within ourselves and opened some door in our minds to learn, experiment Founded in South Florida in 1995, Shai and take things further. That learning and Hulud was originally rooted in that decade’s maturing process continues to this day.” melodic hardcore scene. But as time went on, the band’s rotating cast of supporting players Another constant of Shai Hulud’s nearly — most notably singer Chad Gilbert, who went 20-year existence is the revolving door of on to birth New Found Glory, drummer Steve approximately 35 band members who’ve cycled Kleisath and bassist Matt Fletcher — helped through. While some metal purists look down guitarist Matt Fox expand into other avenues of on Shai Hulud because of it, Fox, the only loud, aggressive music. remaining original member, argues that it’s From the conceptual vagaries of progressive actually a testament to the band’s staying power. metal to the sonic fury of thrash punk to “It’s always been difficult for people to join the hybridization of what came to be known the band and feel as passionately about it as as metalcore, Shai I do,” he says. “Shai Hulud has harnessed, Hulud has become an SHAI HULUD WITH SEEKER extension of myself. bludgeoned into 7:30 p.m. May 12, Underbelly, Downtown, $10, It’s the contents of my submission, and 353-6067, heart, the thoughts channeled every strain of my mind, and the of heavy music into its blood, sweat and tears of my body.” far-ranging sound. Fox credits that no-holdsThat meticulous nature extends to Shai barred identity to the band’s formative years in Hulud’s recorded output, as well; in the last and around Fort Lauderdale. “Shai Hulud will forever be a South Florida 15 years, the band has released just three hardcore band,” he says, even though they full-lengths (in 2003, ’08 and ’13) and a small were based out of Poughkeepsie, N.Y., for handful of singles, compilations and split EPs. many years and Fox now lives in New Jersey. “We will not put something to tape if it’s not “That area was ripe with heavy music when worth putting to tape,” Fox says. “We have I was growing up there in the ’90s. Florida is never had filler, and we never will have filler.” huge part of what makes Shai Hulud sound While contemporary metal trends have like Shai Hulud.” obviously passed Shai Hulud by, for many fans Metal fans looking for something purer that stolidity is the band’s foremost magnetic than the major-label state of the genre attraction. The band members don’t quite fit during the ’90s immediately latched onto the in with today’s hardcore or metalcore scenes blind anger of Shai Hulud’s debut EP, 1997’s — “There’s an element of fashion that goes Profound Hatred of Man, and full-length along with both those things, and Shai Hulud follow-up, Hearts Once Nourished with Hope is not fashionable,” Fox says — which allows and Compassion. Asked to recall his outlook them to fill a niche as the thinking man’s on the world at the time, Fox laughs. “I wrote favorite metal band. “We’re less aggressive the first Shai Hulud song, ‘This Wake I Myself and more melodic these days. We concentrate Have Stirred,’ while sitting on the toilet; one of more on mentally stimulating somebody’s my early lyrics was ‘Don’t extend your hand to ideas than making a fist fly in the air. Not that we don’t like that as well.” me/I’ll rip it off.’ But what did my 22-year-old mind really know or hate about the world? I Nick McGregor was just some angry kid.”


JOHN WESLEY (of Porcupine Tree), ARTILECT 8 p.m. May 7 at Jack Rabbits, 1528 Hendricks Ave., San Marco, $10, 398-7496. TURKUAZ CD Release Show 8 p.m. May 7 at Underbelly, 113 E. Bay St., Downtown, free, 353-6067. KATCHAFIRE, MAOLI, JAMEN 8 p.m. May 7 at Freebird Live, 200 N. First St., Jax Beach, $15, 246-2473. RED BLACK MAIN, BRITTNEY LAWRENCE, THE GRAVE DIGGERS 5 p.m. May 7 at Jacksonville Landing, 2 Independent Dr., Downtown, free, 353-1188. CHARLIE & THE FOXTROTS, RADIO BIRDS, GOVERNOR'S CLUB 7 p.m. May 7 at Burro Bar, 100 E. Adams St., Downtown, free, 353-4686. JON PARDI, KIMBERLY PAIGE 5:30 p.m. May 8 at TPC Sawgrass, 110 Championship Way, Ponte Vedra Beach, $25-$100, 273-3235. MARY BRAGG, DIXIE RODEO 7:30 p.m. May 8 at Mudville Music Room, 3104 Atlantic Blvd., St. Nicholas, 352-7008. COMBICHRIST, WILLIAM CONTROL, NEW YEARS DAY, ULTRA SUCK MEGA FUXXX, PRANAYAM 7 p.m. May 8 at Aqua, 11000 Beach Blvd., Southside, $17, 997-2063. GO ASK ALICE 6 p.m. May 8 at Jacksonville Landing, 2 Independent Dr., Downtown, free, 353-1188. THE HEAD AND THE HEART, LOST IN THE TREES 8 p.m. May 8 at Ponte Vedra Concert Hall, 1050 A1A N., $30, 209-0399. THE MAIN SQUEEZE 8 p.m. May 8 at 1904 Music Hall, 19 N. Ocean St., Downtown, $10. PROPAGANDA, SWOOPE, JGIVENS, KIDD SWIFT, DJ EFECHTO 8 p.m. May 9 at Murray Hill Theatre, 932 Edgewood Ave. S., Murray Hill, $8-$12, 388-3179. THE FAINT, REPTAR, SOLID GOLDBERG 8 p.m. May 9 at Freebird Live, 200 N. First St., Jax Beach, $15, 246-2473. THE FAB FOUR 8 p.m. May 9 at Ponte Vedra Concert Hall, 1050 A1A N., $42.50, 209-0399. BLITZEN TRAPPER, MATRIMONY 8 p.m. May 9 at Jack Rabbits, 1528 Hendricks Ave., San Marco, $15, 398-7496. CLOUD 9 9 p.m. May 9 & 10 at Ragtime Tavern, 207 Atlantic Blvd., Atlantic Beach, 241-7877. I SEE STARS, LIKE MOTHS TO FLAMES, GHOST TOWN, RAZIHEL, MISS FORTUNE 6 p.m. May 9 at 1904 Music Hall, 19 N. Ocean St., Downtown, Arlington, $15-$18, 223-9850. THE REMAINS 9:30 p.m. May 9 & 10 at Whitey’s Fish Camp, 2032 C.R. 220, Fleming Island, 269-4198. TONY FURTADO, BRENT BYRD 8 p.m. May 9 at CafÊ Eleven, 501 A1A Beach Blvd., St. Augustine Beach, $15, 460-9311. BLUEPRINT, COUNT BASS D, DJ RARE GROOVE 8 p.m. May 9 at Burro Bar, 100 E. Adams St., Downtown, $5, 353-4686. PURPLE HATTER’S BALL: Beats Antique, Emancipator Ensemble, New Mastersounds, The Heavy Pets, The Nth Power, Space Capone, Rising Appalachia, Greenhouse Lounge May 9-11, Suwannee Music Park, Live Oak, 364-1683. BEGGAR’S RIDE, MARK MANDEVILLE, RAIANNE RICHARDS 7:30 p.m. May 10, Mudville Music Room, 3104 Atlantic Blvd., St. Nicholas, 352-7008. MARION CRANE CD RELEASE PARTY, BLEEDING IN STEREO, GHOSTWITCH 8 p.m. May 10 at Jack Rabbits, 1528 Hendricks Ave., San Marco, $8, 398-7496. LETLIVE., ARCHITECTS, GLASS CLOUD, I THE MIGHTY 6 p.m. May 10, Underbelly, 113 E. Bay St., Downtown, $13, 353-6067. SMELLS LIKE GRUNGE (Nirvana cover band) 8 p.m. May 10 at Burro Bar, 100 E. Adams St., Downtown, $5, 353-4686. GARRETT ON ACOUSTIC, LAUREN FINCHAM & BLUE HORSE, COUGAR BARREL Starts at 10:30 a.m., May 10 at Riverside Arts Market, 715 Riverside Ave., 389-2449, free. ASHTON TAYLOR, BETHANY & THE TROUBADOURS, CHELSEA SADDLER 8 p.m. May 10 at Freebird Live, 200 N. First St., Jax Beach, $8, 246-2473. BRYCE ALASTAIR BAND, TOM BENNETT, BRENT BYRD 8 p.m. May 10 at 1904 Music Hall, 19 N. Ocean St., Downtown, $12. MIKE PINTO, B-SIDE PLAYERS, OJO DE BUEY 8 p.m. May 11 at Freebird Live, 200 N. First St., Jax Beach, $15, 246-2473. SHAI HULUD 7:30 p.m. May 12 at Underbelly, 113 E. Bay St., Downtown, $10, 353-6067. HOLY WAVE, BLUEPRINT, COUNT BASS D, DJ RARE GROOVE 8 p.m. May 12 at Shanghai Nobby’s, 10 Anastasia Blvd., St. Augustine, 547-2188.

/TU4U +BY#FBDI '-r#*3% 






WAIT, WHAT? The psycho-surf rockers of Daikaiju dress as kabuki-masked mystery men and shred epically in a mad, mad, interactive live show. (The Japanese word daikaiju means “giant monster.� Godzilla is the most famous.) The Huntsville, Ala.-based four-piece (yes, Huntsville) grounds its prog-metal riffs and math-rock complexity in surf rock for a May 13 show at Shanghai Nobby’s in St. Augustine. FALSETTA, DEAR ABBEY 8 p.m. May 12 at Jack Rabbits, 1528 Hendricks Ave., San Marco, $8, 398-7496. THE AQUABATS!, KOO KOO KANGAROO 6:30 p.m. on May 13 at Freebird Live, 200 N. First St., Jax Beach, $18, 246-2473. DAIKAIJU 9 p.m. May 13 at Shanghai Nobby’s, 10 Anastasia Blvd., St. Augustine, $5, 547-2188. CONOR OBERST, DAWES 8 p.m. May 13 at Ponte Vedra Concert Hall, 1050 A1A N., $35, 209-0399. YOU KNEW ME WHEN 9 p.m. May 13 at Underbelly, 113 E. Bay St., Downtown, $5, 353-6067. ODESZA, KODAK TO GRAPH, LEGINGE 8 p.m. May 14 at

Original CafĂŠ Eleven, 501 A1A Beach Blvd., St. Augustine Beach, $8, 460-9311. CHER, CYNDI LAUPER 7:30 p.m. May 14 at Veterans Memorial Arena, 300 A. Philip Randolph Blvd., $26.50$105.50, 379-5196. MIKE SHACKELFORD 7:30 p.m. May 14 at Mudville Music Room, 3104 Atlantic Blvd., St. Nicholas, 352-7008. V-8 DEATH CAR, CHIEFORIA, MASTER RADICAL 8 p.m. May 14 at Burro Bar, 100 E. Adams St., Downtown, $5, 353-4686. ARPETRIO 8 p.m. May 14 at 1904 Music Hall, 19 N. Ocean St., Downtown, $7.










THE 1975

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6-18: Terravita/J Rabbit 6-19: 6-27:

Andy Grammer Shot Down in Flames


Saltwater Grass/Bonnie Blue


The Pure Zeppelin Experience


Sidereal/Hours Eastly




Cultura Profetica


Fortunate Youth

MAY 7-13, 2014 | | 23





t the risk of sounding completely out of touch with modern metal genres, I’m going to steer clear of trying to classify Marion Crane — other than to say they are some subgenre of metal. And, to be honest, the only metal I really listen to anymore is of the darkest sort: Sunn O))), Sleepytime Gorilla Museum, Fantomas. And, I am somewhat reluctant to admit, the last Mastodon album was pretty freaking good. But given my proclivity for macabre theatrical heaviness, my expectations for the new Marion Crane release were fairly low. Still, I made a personal vow to review the album in context, or as close to in context as I could, given my lack of interest in new metal. And I was pleasantly surprised. This is not to suggest that I’m in love with the band’s five-song EP, Rock is Dead … And I Know Where the Bodies Are Buried, which hits on May 10 with a release party at Jack Rabbits in San Marco. But fans of whatever genre this is will like this album very much. The album opener, “Murder TV,” is by far the best track on the record. A crunchy start-stop ballbuster about fame in America, it hits all the marks. Chunky guitar tone. Big, tom-driven backbeat. Lots of yelling and profanity. And, in spite of all that, it’s still a great song. “Zero Chamber” follows, and the tone temporarily slips. There’s some solid metal riffage here, but this one’s a little too predictable. The acoustic strumming and distorted AM-radio guitar breaks only serve to emphasize the point that it’s designed strictly for radio audiences — if such a thing even exists anymore. Should I even mention the lyric “I will smile while chewing razorblades”? Let’s move on. Redemption comes with track 4, “Savior,” which is thick, heavy and tightly executed. And despite my misgivings about metal singers’ tendency to vocal affectation, I get it: You gotta sound pissed off or no one will believe you’re pissed off. Yet this one works very well,

an aggressive piece that would whip up a manic pit at a live show anywhere. Especially impressive is the drum arrangement, with nicely placed Smashing Pumpkinesque snare builds. The dual lead work isn’t bad, either. The closing track, “Freakshow,” is medium-tempo moody rocker that brings the album to a suitable close, albeit a bit early. Why only five songs? “We had previously released a full-length album [The New Religion],” says lead singer and chief songwriter S Thomas Crane, “but then came to the conclusion as a band that, with the new music market as it is, it makes more sense for us to go with EP releases from here on out. The iTunes world has changed the industry, and people just don’t go for fulllengths like they used to. We’d rather record four or five songs and release EPs with more regularity than waiting two or three years in between full-length releases.” Especially notable on Rock Is Dead … is the production — clean, crisp, dense. “This album was recorded with Stan Martell in Kingsland, Ga.,” says Crane. “This is our second release. Our first album, which came out in 2012, was also recorded with Stan. He’s a brilliant musician and engineer, and I would highly recommend him to any band out there.” As for the band’s chosen genre, Crane generalizes even more than I have: “I’d say we’re a hard rock band. It’s that simple to me. I don’t think it needs any more genre specification than that.” Touché.

Should I even mention the lyric “I will smile while chewing razorblades”? Let’s move on.

24 | | MAY 7-13, 2014

John E. Citrone

MARION CRANE with BLEEDING IN STEREO and GHOSTWITCH Jack Rabbits, San Marco, 8 p.m. May 10; $8 in advance, $10 at the door

ON GUARD May 15, Jack Rabbits WOODY PINES May 15, Underbelly MICHAEL FEINBERG May 15, The Parlour FRANKIE BALLARD May 15, Mavericks HANGMAN’S CROWN, GUT THEM LIKE PIGS May 16, Burro Bar DIGDOG May 16, Jack Rabbits GLADYS KNIGHT May 16, T-U Center TEGAN & SARA, LUCIOUS, THE COURTNEYS May 16, Ponte Vedra Concert Hall CRAFT BEER FEST: Something Distant May 16, Veterans Memorial Arena THE GIPSY KINGS May 16, The Florida Theatre THE WINERY DOGS, BILLY SHEEHAN, MIKE PORTNOY, RICHIE KOTZEN May 16, Freebird Live SCREAM OUT LOUD, THE OFFER May 17, Murray Hill Theatre CHRIS BOTTI May 17, The Florida Theatre BOONDOX, BUKSHOT, AQUALEO May 17, Aqua SUNSPOTS, MADDY’S TWIN May 17, Freebird Live MARK WILLIAMS & BLUE HORSE, CLARAN SONTAG, PINE FOREST SCHOOL OF THE ARTS May 17, Riverside Arts Market LYME IN THE SOUTH MUSIC FEST: Pat DiNizio (of The Smithereens), Alisa Turner, Gregg Kirk (of Zen Engines) May 17, River City Brewing Company JERRY GARCIA BAND COVER BAND May 17, Jack Rabbits WILLIE NELSON & FAMILY, ALISON KRAUSS, UNION STATION, JERRY DOUGLAS May 18, St. Augustine Amphitheatre ROCK ON THE RIVER: Fitz & the Tantrums, Kongos, Sleeper Agent, Wild Cub, Orwells May 18, The Jacksonville Landing CANDY KANE May 18, Mudville Music Room SUPERSUCKERS, GORILLA CANDY, DARKHORSE SALOON May 18, Jack Rabbits THE 1975 May 19, Freebird Live JACK JOHNSON, ALO May 20, St. Augustine Amphitheatre DALE CRICER, DELL SUGGS, BOB PATTERSON May 21, Mudville Music Room STAGES & STEREOS, DARLING PARADE, THE ORPHAN THE POET May 21, Jack Rabbits ANTIQUE ANIMALS May 22, Mellow Mushroom Jax Beach CRANFORD HOLLOW May 22, Jack Rabbits STYX, FOREIGNER, DON FELDER May 23, St. Augustine Amphitheatre WORTH ROAD, SUMERLIN, AS WE ARE, RYVLS, 3 KNIGHTS AND A ROSE May 23, Murray Hill Theatre JAZZ FEST AFTER DARK: Fusebox Funk, Herd of Watts, Groove Coalition, Heavy Pets, Big Something, Squeedlepuss, Wobbly Toms, Guy & the Yehudas, Goliath Flores, The Dog Apollo, Rickolus, Civil Brute, Jeremiah Johnson, Arvid Smith, Albert Ayler Commemoration May 23, Underbelly, 1904 Music Hall, Burro Bar, Dive Bar, The Volstead, Karpeles Manuscript Museum JAZZ FEST AFTER DARK: Moon Hooch, SPORE, Lumagrove, Dewars, Four Families, Canary in the Coalmine, The Frontier Needs Heroes, Snake Blood Remedy, Cougar Barrel, The Weighted Hands, Christina Wagner, The Sh-Booms, Mama Blue, Skeleton Bros., Goliath Flores, Albert Ayler Commemoration May 24, Underbelly, 1904 Music Hall, Burro Bar, Dive Bar, The Volstead, Karpeles Museum BRENT BYRD, SAVANNA LEIGH BASSETT, JORDYN STODDARD May 24, Riverside Arts Market PRIMITIVE HARD DRIVE May 24, Jack Rabbits BOOTSY COLLINS May 25, Mavericks OFF JAZZ CONCERT: Musiq Soulchild May 25, Florida Theatre JAZZ FEST AFTER DARK: Tambor, Naughty Professor, Noisebender & Joe Yorio, JacksonVegas, Parker Urban Band, Project Improv, Willie Evans Jr., Paten Locke, Patrick Evan, Co-Alition, Universal Green, Whole Wheat Bread, All Night Wolves, Taylor Roberts, Albert Ayler Commemoration May 25, Underbelly, 1904 Music Hall, Burro Bar, Dive Bar, The Volstead, Karpeles Manuscript Museum OLD CROW MEDICINE SHOW May 25, St. Augustine Amphitheatre LUCINDA WILLIAMS May 25, Ponte Vedra Concert Hall UH HUH HER May 26, Jack Rabbits MAYDAY! May 27, Jack Rabbits STEEZ CLICK, NATHAN RYAN, PHAT J, JJ DAMON, POTENT DA ROCKSTAR, PINKYKILLA, THROWDOWN KID May 28, Aqua KEVIN GATES May 29, Aqua TARRUS RILEY & THE BLACK SOIL BAND, DEAN FRASIER May 29, Freebird Live LADIES WITH LYRICS: Julie Durden, Rebecca Zapen, Brenda David May 30, Mudville Music Room MARUTA, PANSPERMIA, CUTE & CUDDLY KITTENS, LEPROSY May 30, Burro Bar BREAD & CIRCUS, DANIEL AMEDEE, BETHANY & THE TROUBADOURS, WEEKEND ATLAS, CATALYST May 30, Jack Rabbits PRIMITIVE HARD DRIVE, PIPESTONE, A NEW DECREE May 30, Freebird Live TRAVELIN’ LIGHT, DEE ABOOD May 31, Mudville Music Room CHICAGO May 31, Metropolitan Park JESSE MONTOYA, PRETTY POLICE STATE, SPIRAL BOUND, JACOB CREEL May 31, Riverside Arts Market DISPLACE, HOLEY MISS MOLEY May 31, Underbelly U2 BY UV May 31, Freebird Live SWITCHFOOT, THOUSAND FOOT KRUTCH May 31, St. Augustine Amphitheatre

MARUTA, PANSPERMIA, CUTE & CUDDLY KITTENS, LEPROSY May 31, Burro Bar JEREMIAH DALY, COREY KILGANNON, ALEXIS RHODE, JACOB HUDSON, SUMMER GOODMAN May 31, Murray Hill Theatre MATT HIRES, THE WILD AFTER, KYLE COX June 1, Jack Rabbits AMERICAN AQUARIUM, BRYCE ALASTAIR BAND June 2, Jack Rabbits ANDREW JACKSON JIHAD, CHEAP GIRLS, DOGBRETH June 5, Jack Rabbits SCUM, DMIZE, STATIK OF RX June 6, Aqua WEEZER June 6, St. Augustine Amphitheatre DRIVE-BY TRUCKERS, WATER LIARS June 6, Ponte Vedra Concert Hall GRIM ZIPPER TOUR: Scum, Dmize, Statik of Rx June 6, Aqua APPETITE FOR DESTRUCTION (Guns N’ Roses tribute), RED & WHITE CRUE (Mötley Crüe tribute), Poison’d June 6, Freebird Live ARCHNEMESIS June 6, 1904 Music Hall SONGWRITER’S CIRCLE ANNIVESARY: Larry Mangum, Mike Shackelford, Jamie DeFrates June 7, Mudville Music Room BOSTON June 7, St. Augustine Amphitheatre CHRISTOPHER CROSS June 7, Metropolitan Park P.S. CANCER SUCKS BENEFIT: Parkridge, Rosedale, Winter Wave, Attis on the Pine June 7, Jack Rabbits ANIMALS AS LEADERS, CONQUERING DYSTOPIA, CHON June 8, Murray Hill Theatre G-MAYN-FROST, ASKMEIFICARE, XXII, LEGIT, INFAMOUS June 10, Freebird Live THE PAPER JETS June 10, Jack Rabbits THRILL KILL KULT June 10, Aqua TREEHOUSE!, SUN DRIED VIBES, WHO RESCUED WHO June 11, Jack Rabbits ACOUSTIC ALCHEMY June 12, Ponte Vedra Concert Hall MOVE LIVE June 12, Florida Theatre FOXY SHAZAM, LARRY & HIS FLASK June 13, Freebird Live OTTMAR LIEBERT, LUNA NEGRA June 13, Ponte Vedra Concert Hall MIDNITE, 100% ST. CROIX ROOTS June 13, Jack Rabbits THE CORBITT BROTHERS, LEFTY WILLIAMS BAND, APPLEBUTTER EXPRESS June 13, Underbelly FLORIDA COUNTRY SUPERFEST: Luke Bryan, Jason Aldean, Eric Church, Miranda Lambert, Florida Georgia Line, Little Big Town, Big & Rich, Easton Corbin, Colt Ford, Joe Nichols June 14-15, EverBank Field AMB, PRAY, RAZORZ EDGE June 14, Aqua SHAUN PEACE BAND June 14, Jack Rabbits ROD MacDONALD June 14, Mudville Music Room COUNTING CROWS, TOAD THE WET SPROCKET June 14, St. Augustine Amphitheatre THE ROUGH & TUMBLE June 17, Burro Bar PLASTIC PLANETS June 17, Jack Rabbits TERRAVITA, J. RABBIT June 18, Freebird Live ANDY GRAMMER June 19, Freebird Live GYPSY STAR, REBECCA ZAPEN June 19, Mudville Music Room GOO GOO DOLLS, DAUGHTRY, PLAIN WHITE T’S June 19, St. Augustine Amphitheatre ZOSO (Ultimate Led Zeppelin Experience) June 19, Mavericks HUMMING HOUSE June 19, Jack Rabbits OKOA REFUGE BENEFIT: Grey Paluszynski, Be Easy June 20, Murray Hill Theatre MERCYGIRL, WHOSOEVER SOUTH June 21, Murray Hill Theatre ANDY KING’S SUMMER SOLSTICE SOIREE June 21, Mudville Music Room PAUL McCARTNEY June 22, Veterans Memorial Arena CRANFORD HOLLOW June 25, Jack Rabbits SUMMER HORNS: Dave Koz, Mindi Abair, Gerald Albright, Richard Elliot June 26, Florida Theatre JIM CARRICK, MAJA GIATANA June 26, Mudville Music Room REBELUTION, IRATION, THE GREEN, STICK FIGURE, DJ MACKLE June 27, St. Augustine Amphitheatre SEVEN HANDLE CIRCUS June 27, Jack Rabbits SOSOS June 28, Jack Rabbits THE WOODGRAINS June 29, Jack Rabbits CHRIS HENRY July 3, Mudville Music Room THE PURE ZEPPELIN EXPERIENCE July 4, Freebird Live LEGIT, G MAYN FROST, ASKMEIFICARE, ALCATRAZ, PINKYKILLA, SYLENT VYLENTZ July 12, Freebird Live DAVE MATTHEWS BAND July 15, Veterans Memorial Arena RAY LAMONTAGNE, JENNY LEWIS, THE BELLE BRIGADE July 15, The Florida Theatre JEREMY MESSERSMITH July 18, Jack Rabbits ALL NEW ATMOSPHERE July 20, Jack Rabbits OPOSSUMHOLLER, POOR RICHARDS, THE SENSES, SNAKE BLOOD REMEDY July 24, Jack Rabbits CULTURAL PROFETICA July 25, Freebird Live YING YANG TWINS July 25, Jack Rabbits EMMYLOU HARRIS July 26, T-U Center FALL OUT BOY, NEW POLITICS July 27, St. Augustine Amphitheatre THE SOULSHINE TOUR: Michael Franti & Spearhead, SOJA, Brett Dennen, Trevor Hall July 30, St. Augustine Amphitheatre GAVIN DEGRAW, MATT NATHANSON July 31, St. Augustine Amphitheatre ELLIS PAUL, DONNY BRAZILE Aug. 8, Original Café Eleven

A&E // MUSIC ULTIMATE ELVIS BASH Aug. 9, The Florida Theatre CROSBY, STILLS & NASH Aug. 10, St. Augustine Amphitheatre ROCK N’ BLUES FEST: Johnny Winter, Edgar Winter, Vanilla Fudge, Peter Rivera, Kim Simmonds Aug. 14, The Florida Theatre PANIC! AT THE DISCO, WALK THE MOON, YOUNGBLOOD HAWKE Aug. 16, St. Augustine Amphitheatre THE FRESH BEAT BAND Aug. 22, St. Augustine Amphitheatre ZZ TOP, JEFF BECK Sept. 7, St. Augustine Amphitheatre THREE DOORS DOWN ACOUSTIC Sept. 7, Florida Theatre CONNECTION FESTIVAL: Kermit Ruffins & the BBQ Swingers, Less Than Jake, Surfer Blood, Whole Wheat Bread, Treme Brass Band, Orquestra el Macabeo, La Quilombera, This Frontier Needs Heroes, Jackie Stranger, Weekend Atlas, Northe, Ego Killer, Jah Elect & the I Quality Band, Universal Green, Orange Air, Alexis Rhode, Ryvls, Professor Kilmure, Ruffians, The Gootch, AskMeIfICare, Dirty Automatic, Woven In, Garrett on Acoustic, Tom Bennett Band, Mondo Mike & the Po Boys, Artilect, Oscar Mike, Kana Kiehm, Parker Urban Band, Knock for Six, Never Ending Struggle Sept. 12-14, Downtown Jacksonville 1964: THE TRIBUTE Sept. 13, The Florida Theatre MOTLEY CRUE, ALICE COOPER Oct. 19, Veterans Memorial Arena LOS LONELY BOYS Oct. 21, The Florida Theatre CELTIC THUNDER Nov. 15, The Florida Theatre JOE BONAMASSA Dec. 16, The Florida Theatre


DAVID’S RESTAURANT & LOUNGE, 802 Ash St., 310-6049 John Springer every Tue.-Wed. Aaron Bing every Fri. & Sat. DOG STAR TAVERN, 10 N. Second St., 277-8010 Working Class Stiff at 9:30 p.m. every Tue. PALACE SALOON, 117 Centre St., 491-3332 Buck Smith every Tue. THE SURF, 3199 S. Fletcher Ave., 491-8999 Brett Foster at 6 p.m. on May 13. DJ Roc every Wed. Honey Badgers every Sat.


MVP’S SPORTS GRILLE, 12777 Atlantic Blvd., 221-1090 Live music 9 p.m. every Fri. & Sat.


CASBAH CAFE, 3628 St. Johns Ave., 981-9966 Goliath Flores at 8 p.m. every Wed. Live jazz every Sun. Live music every Mon. ECLIPSE, 4219 St. Johns Ave., 387-3582 DJ Keith every Tue. DJ Free every Fri. DJ SuZi-Rok every Mon. MELLOW MUSHROOM, 3611 St. Johns Ave., 388-0200 Live music every Sat. MOJO NO. 4, 3572 St. Johns Ave., 381-6670 Wes Cobb 10 p.m. on May 23. Live music every Fri. & Sat.


(All venues in Jax Beach unless otherwise noted)

200 FIRST STREET, Courtyard, Neptune Beach, 249-2922 Tammerlin at 7:30 p.m. on May 9. Just Jazz on May 10 BILLY’S BOATHOUSE, 2321 Beach Blvd., 241-9771 Jetty Cats at 6 p.m. on May 9. Kurt Lanham at noon, Jetty Cats at 5 p.m. on May 11. Live music every Thur., Fri. & Sun. CANTINA MAYA, 1021 Atlantic Blvd., Atlantic Beach, 247-3227 Live music May 9-12 CASA MARINA HOTEL, 691 First St. N., 270-0025 Charlie Walker at 2 p.m. on May 11 CULHANE’S IRISH PUB, 967 Atlantic Blvd., Atlantic Beach, 249-9595 Robbie & Felix May 9. Irish music 6:30 p.m. every Sun. FLYING IGUANA, 207 Atlantic Blvd., Neptune Beach, 853-5680 3 the Band 10 p.m. on May 9. DeFunk at 10 p.m. on May 10. Red Beard & Stinky E 10 p.m. every Thur. Darren Corlew 1:30 p.m. every Sun. FLY’S TIE IRISH PUB, 177 E. Sailfish Dr., Atlantic Beach, 246-4293 Wes Cobb every Thur. Charlie Walker every Mon. FREEBIRD LIVE, 200 N. First St., 246-2473 Katchafire, Maoli, Jamen at 8 p.m. on May 7. The Faint, Reptar, Solid Goldberg at 8 p.m. on May 9. Ashton Taylor, Bethany & The Troubadours, Chelsea Saddler, Daniel Johns on May 10. Mike Pinto, B-Side Players, Ojo De Buey at 8 p.m. on May 11. The Aquabats!, Koo Koo Kangaroo at 6:30 p.m. on May 13. The Winery Dogs, Billy Sheehan, Mike Portnoy, Richie Kotzen on May 16 GREEN ROOM BREWING, 228 N. Third St., 201-9283 DiCarlo Thompson at 9 p.m. on May 10 ISLAND GIRL CIGAR BAR, 108 First St., Neptune Beach, 372-0943 Live music every Fri. & Sat. JAXON SOCIAL, 1161 Beach Blvd., 595-5660 Spade McQuade at 9 p.m. on May 9. Old City at 9 p.m. on May 10. Live music every Sat. LANDSHARK CAFE, 1728 Third St. N., 246-6024 Open mic

every Wed. Matt Still every Thur. LYNCH’S IRISH PUB, 514 N. First St., 249-5181 Barrett Jockers every Wed. Split Tone every Thur. Dirty Pete every Sun. Be Easy every Mon. Ryan Campbell every Tue. MELLOW MUSHROOM, 1018 N. Third St., 246-1500 Legacy on May 8. Wes Cobb on May 10. Herd of Watts on May 15 MEZZA, 110 First St., Neptune Beach, 249-5573 Neil Dixon every Tue. Mike Shackelford every Thur. MOJO KITCHEN, 1500 Beach Blvd., 247-6636 Live music every Fri. NIPPERS BEACH GRILLE, 2309 Beach Blvd., 247-3300 Live music every Wed.-Sun. NORTH BEACH BISTRO, 725 Atlantic Blvd., Atlantic Beach, 372-4105 Larry & the Backtracks at 7:30 p.m. on May 9 RAGTIME TAVERN, 207 Atlantic Blvd., Atlantic Beach, 241-7877 Small Fish on May 7. The Lyons on May 8. Cloud 9 at 9 p.m. on May 9 & 10. Bread & Butter on May 11. Billy Bowers on May 14 THE SHIM SHAM ROOM, 333 First St. N., 372-0781 Live music every Mon. & Thur. DJ Nick Fresh every Fri. WIPEOUTS GRILL, 1589 Atlantic Blvd., Neptune Beach, 247-4508 Dial Tone 7-11 p.m. on May 8. Mike Lyons 9:30 p.m.-mid. on May 9


1904 MUSIC HALL, 19 Ocean St. N. The Violent 5 on May 7. The Main Squeeze at 8 p.m. on May 8. Bryce Alastair Band, Tom Bennett, Brent Byrd at 8 p.m. on May 10. Arpetrio on May 14. Live music every Thur.-Sat. & Mon. BURRO BAR, 100 E. Adams St., 353-4686 Charlie & the Foxtrots, Radio Birds, Governor's Club on May 7. Blueprint, Count Bass D, DJ Rare Groove on May 9. Smells Like Grunge (Nirvana cover band) 8 p.m. on May 10. V-8 Death Car, Chieforia, Master Radical at 8 p.m. on May 14. Live music every Wed.-Sat. DOS GATOS, 123 E. Forsyth St., 354-0666 DJ NickFresh 9 p.m. every Sat. FIONN MacCOOL’S, Jax Landing, Ste. 176, 374-1247 Spade McQuade 5-8 p.m. on May 7. Braxton Adamson 5-8 p.m., Chuck Nash Duo 8:30 p.m. on May 9. Spade McQuade 8 p.m. on May 10 JACKSONVILLE LANDING, 2 Independent Dr., 353-1188 Red Black Main, Brittney Lawrence & the Grave Diggers 5-9 p.m. on May 7. Go Ask Alice from 6-10 p.m. on May 8. Boogie Freaks 8 p.m.-mid. on May 9. Rick Arcusa Band, The Gootch 8 p.m.-1 a.m. May 10. Live music every Thur.-Sat. MARK’S DOWNTOWN, 315 E. Bay St., 355-5099 DJ Roy

WEDNESDAY Small Fish THURSDAY Lyons FRIDAY & SATURDAY Cloud 9 SUNDAY Bread & Butter Atlantic Blvd. at the Ocean "UMBOUJD#FBDIt

MAY 7-13, 2014 | | 25

A&E // MUSIC Luis every Wed. DJ Vinn Thur. DJ 007 every Fri. Bay Street every Sat. MAVERICKS, Jax Landing, 2 Independent Dr., 356-1110 Justin Adams at 8 p.m. on May 9. Joe Buck, Big Tasty every Thur.-Sat. UNDERBELLY, 113 E. Bay St., 353-6067 Turkuaz CD release show at 8 p.m. on May 7. Truthful Justice on May 8. Showcase, Dani Deahl on May 9. Letlive., Architects, Glass Cloud, I the Mighty at 6 p.m. on May 10. Shai Hulud at 7:30 p.m. on May 12. You Knew Me When at 9 p.m. on May 13. Woody Pines on May 15


MELLOW MUSHROOM, 1800 Town Center Blvd., 541-1999 Jim Essery on May 9. Live music every Fri. & Sat. WHITEY’S FISH CAMP, 2032 C.R. 220, 269-4198 The Remains 9:30 p.m. on May 9 & 10. Open mic 9 p.m. every Thur. Deck music at 5 p.m. every Fri. & Sat., 4:30 p.m. Sun. DJ BG every Mon.


CLIFF’S BAR & GRILL, 3033 Monument Rd., 645-5162 Big Engine at 9 p.m. on May 9. Cupid's Alley at 9 p.m. on May 10. Live music every Wed., Fri. & Sat. Open mic every Tue. SALSA’S MEXICAN RESTAURANT, 13500 Beach Blvd., 992-8402 Live guitar music 6-9 p.m. every Tue. & Sat.


GATORS DOCKSIDE, 485 S.R. 13 N., Ste. 1, 230-4353 Sandy Lythgoe & Biker Bob from 2-6 p.m. on May 11. Bonnie & Clyde Duo 2-6 p.m. on May 17. Bonnie & Clyde open mic 2-6 p.m. on May 18 HARMONIOUS MONKS, 10550 Old St. Augustine, 8803040 Open mic: Synergy 8 p.m. every Wed. World’s Most Talented Waitstaff 9 p.m. every Fri. MONKEY’S UNCLE, 10503 San Jose Blvd., 260-1349 Live music May 8


KICKBACKS, 910 King St., 388-9551 Ray & Taylor 8:30 p.m. every Thur. Robby Shenk every Sun. MURRAY HILL THEATRE, 932 Edgewood Ave. S., 388-7807 Propaganda, Swoope, JGivens, Kidd Swift, DJ Efechto at 8 p.m. on May 9. City Wide Prom at 7:30 p.m. on May 10. Lastwatch, Ursa Minor on May 13. Scream Out Loud, The Offer May 17. Live music every Fri. & Sat. RAINDOGS, 1045 Park St., 379-4969 Queef Huffer, Leprosy at 8 p.m. on May 11 RIVERSIDE ARTS MARKET, 715 Riverside Ave., 389-2449 Garrett on Acoustic, Lauren Fincham & Blue Horse, Cougar Barrel starting at 10:30 a.m. on May 10


ANN O’MALLEY’S, 23 Orange St., 825-4040 Lonesome Bert & the Skinny Lizard 8:30 p.m. May 9. The Afterwhile 8:30 p.m. May 10. Brent Byrd 4 p.m. May 11. Ricardo May 12. Open mic with Smokin Joe every Tue. CAFE ELEVEN, 501 A1A Beach Blvd., St. Augustine Beach, 460-9311 Tony Furtado, Brent Byrd 8 p.m. May 9. Odesza, Kodak to Graph, LeGinge 8 p.m. May 14 CELLAR UPSTAIRS, 157 King St., 826-1594 Rick Levy & the Falling Bones May 9. Chillula May 10. Vinny Jacobs May 11 HARRY’S SEAFOOD, 46 Avenida Menendez, 824-7765 Billy Bowers 6 p.m. on May 7 KINGFISH GRILL, 252 Yacht Club Dr., 824-2111 Doug McRae 6 p.m. May 8. Katherine Archer at 7 p.m. on May 9 MELLOW MUSHROOM, 410 Anastasia Blvd., 826-4040 Paper City Hustlers on May 9. Live music every Fri. MILL TOP TAVERN & LISTENING ROOM, 19-1/2 St. George St., 829-2329 Adam Lee at 9 p.m. on May 7. Go Get Gone at 9 p.m. on May 9. The Impediments at 9 p.m. on May 10. Colton McKenna at 1 p.m. on May 11. Aaron Esposito 9 p.m. every Thur. David Strom at 9 p.m. every Mon. Donny Brazile at 9 p.m. every Tue. SANGRIA’S, 35 Hypolita St., 827-1947 Mitch Kuhman 6-10

p.m. on May 1. Live music every Thur. SHANGHAI NOBBY'S, 10 Anastasia Blvd., 547-2188 Holy Wave, Blueprint, Count Bass D, DJ Rare Groove at 8 p.m. on May 12. Daikaiju at 9 p.m. on May 13 THE STANDARD, 200 Anastasia Blvd., 274-2090 Rising Appalachia at 7 p.m. on May 7 TRADEWINDS, 124 Charlotte St., 829-9336 Live music 9 p.m. May 9 & 10. Matanzas every Sun.-Thur. Elizabeth Roth every Sat. Keith Godwin & the Rio Grande Band every Sun.


BLACKFINN GRILLE, 4840 Big Island Dr., 345-3466 Live music 5 p.m. every Wed., 9 p.m. every Thur.-Sat. SUITE, 4880 Big Island Dr., 493-9305 Live music 9 p.m. every Fri. & Sat.


JACK RABBITS, 1528 Hendricks Ave., 398-7496 John Wesley (Porcupine Tree), Artilect at 8 p.m. on May 7. Blitzen Trapper, Matrimony at 8 p.m. on May 9. Marion Crane CD release party, Bleeding in Stereo, Ghostwitch at 8 p.m. on May 10. Falsetta, Dear Abbey at 8 p.m. on May 12. Lakeview Drive, The Kickdrums on May 13. On Guard on May 15 MUDVILLE MUSIC ROOM, 3104 Atlantic Blvd., 352-7008 Mary Bragg, Dixie Rodeo at 7:30 p.m. May 8. Beggar’s Ride, Mark Mandeville, Raianne Richards at 7:30 p.m. May 10. Mike Shackelford, Steve Shanholtzer, Eddy Cotton, Tyler Denning, Luke Peacock at 7:30 p.m. May 14 RIVER CITY BREWING COMPANY, 835 Museum Circle, 398-2299 Lyme in the South Music Fest: Pat DiNizio, Alisa Turner, Gregg Kirk on May 7



AQUA, 11000 Beach Blvd., 997-2063 Combichrist, William Control, New Years Day, Ultra Suck Mega Fuxx, Pranayam at 7 p.m. on May 8 ISLAND GIRL, 7860 Gate Pkwy., Ste. 115, 854-6060 Live music every Fri. & Sat. LATITUDE 30, 10370 Philips Hwy., 365-5555 VJ Didactic on May 8. Blonde Ambition at 9 p.m. on May 9 & 10. Live music every Thur.-Sat. MY PLACE BAR & GRILL, 9550 Baymeadows Rd., 7375299 Chuck Nash Band May 9. Carl & the Black Lungs May 10. Fat Cactus every Mon. Chuck Nash every Tue. PURE NIGHTCLUB, 8206 Philips Hwy., 800-694-1253 City Limits, Wale 9 p.m. on May 8 WILD WING CAFE, 4555 Southside Blvd., 998-9464 Chris Brinkley May 7. Chilly Rhino May 8. Kurt Lanham, Georgia Southern May 10 WORLD OF BEER, 9700 Deer Lake Ct., Ste. 1, 551-5929 Roshambeaux 8 p.m. on May 8 WXYZ BAR, 4812 Deer Lake Dr. W., 998-4448 DJ Bizzi at 8 p.m. every other Fri.



HWY. 17 ROADHOUSE, 850532 U.S. 17, Yulee, 225-9211 Live music every Fri. & Sat. RAZZLES SPORTS BAR, 8209 W. Beaver St., 562-8487 River City Kats at 7 p.m. on May 7 & 14 THREE LAYERS COFFEEHOUSE, 1602 Walnut St., 355-9791 Open mic at 7 p.m. on May 8. Doug & Heather at 8 p.m. on May 10. Live music every Sat.


THE HILLTOP, 2030 Wells, 272-5959 John Michael every Wed.-Sat. PREVATT’S SPORTS BAR, 2620 Blanding Blvd., 282-1564 DJ Tammy 9 p.m. every Wed. THE ROADHOUSE, 231 Blanding Blvd., 264-0611 Stump Water 10 p.m. on May 9 & 10. DJ Big Mike 10 p.m. every Thur. Live music every Fri. & Sat. TNT LOUNGE & LIQUOR, 5406 C.R. 218, 406-4710 Joe Oliff 9:30 p.m. on May 9 & 10


26 | | MAY 7-13, 2014


PUSSER’S GRILLE, 816 A1A N., 280-7766 Lance Neely 6 p.m. May 7. Aaron Koerner 6 p.m. May 8 & 14. Dopelimatic 8 p.m. May 9. Yankee Slickers 8 p.m. May 10. King Eddie & Pili Pili at 6 p.m. on May 11. Live music every Wed.-Sun. TABLE 1, 330 A1A N., Ste. 208, 280-5515 Jesse Cruce 6 p.m. on May 7. Gary Starling Jazz Band on May 8. Quimby Duo at 7:30 p.m. on May 9. WillowWacks at 7:30 p.m. on May 10. Deron Baker at 6 p.m. on May 14. Live music every Wed.-Sat.


Want to see your band’s concert dates listed here? Email all the details – date, time, venue, ticket /admission price and the band name (of course; duh) – to or Deadline is 4 p.m. Friday.



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PARENT TRAPPED ‘Neighbors’ features an adorable kid, scattered laughs and Seth Rogen being Seth Rogen, but little connective tissue





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irst, a bold statement: Elise and Zoey Vargas desperate hope that they actually belong hanging BENEFIT out with college kids; theirPROMISE refusal to OF buckle may be the most adorable human children when the war begins provides a similar charge ever captured on film. Jointly playing baby of edgy risk in otherwise predictable days. Stella Radner — the progeny of first-time parents Mac (Seth Rogen) and Kelly (Rose And it’s perfect that they’re matched against Byrne) — in the new comedy Neighbors, the Teddy, a senior whose quest to be worthy of the Vargas twins become generators of involuntary frat’s Wall of Honor by throwing a legendary awwwwwws every time they break out a fourparty is built on his fear that nothing worthwhile toothed grin or a squeal of delight. Nobody was awaits him after graduation. Neighbors is built immune at the preview screening I went to: not on the classic (or tired) foundation that the critics, not hulking frat guys there for the gross- antagonists are really more alike than they realize out comedy, nobody. — in this case, people clinging to a familiar sense So what conclusions should one draw from of what makes a happy existence, digging in the fact that the single most memorable thing their heels against the perspective adjustments in an ostensibly raucous, escalating battle of required for the next transitional life moment. pranks is a cute baby? If that sounds a little heady for a movie in That is, perhaps, unfairly dismissive of the which the fraternity holds a fundraiser in which generally funny Neighbors, directed by Nicholas they sell plaster casts of their penises as dildos, Stoller (Forgetting Sarah or a scene where Mac Marshall, Get Him to the has to manually express NEIGHBORS Greek) from a script by Kelly’s milk-engorged **G@ first-time feature writers breasts after her pump Rated R • Opens May 9 Andrew J. Cohen and breaks — well, yeah. Like Brendan O’Brien. It many of the comedies by Judd Apatow and his disciples — Stoller wrote casts Rogen in a comfortable role as a genial for Apatow’s short-lived TV series Undeclared pot-smoker, and a wonderfully wild Byrne in a — Neighbors is much more concerned with comfortable role where she’s allowed to speak jokes than structure. That allows plenty of with her own Australian accent, as Mac and room for rambling riffs, as when Teddy and Kelly are forced to contend with the Delta Psi frat brother Pete (Dave Franco) reconcile a fraternity buying the suburban house next door. previous dispute with various analogs for the Though they initially try to play nice with “bros before hos” sentiment, and most of them the party-hearty crew led by chapter president are good for laughs. But it becomes hard to Teddy (Zac Efron), the escalating noise levels circle back around to anything resembling a disturbing their sleep lead them to start a thematic idea in the middle of a fusillade of conflict from which no one could escape punch lines and pratfalls. without some sort of humiliating incident. Finally, with Neighbors, we settle for a Neighbors actually latches onto a solid collection of decent gags and set pieces, rather notion underlying all the mayhem: the Radners’ ambivalent transition into responsible than something that coheres around the idea of growing up with a little bit of grace. married-with-a-kid adulthood. Their Notwithstanding an exchange between Mac interaction with their less-encumbered friends and Kelly at the end that sounds like an attempt Paula and Jimmy (Carla Gallo, Ike Barinholtz) to convince us they’ve learned from this has them thinking they can still manage to experience, the movie is far less a product of be hip even with a mortgage and precious mature contemplation than it is a case of easily smile-machine Stella; there’s a great early scene distracted joke-telling. You laugh, and then in which their spontaneous plan to go to a rave your attention wanders, and you laugh a little with Stella in tow, requiring the gathering of more, and then … Oh, my God, isn’t that the mountains of baby gear, ends with them asleep in their own entryway before they even leave the cutest baby you’ve every seen? house. The couple’s early efforts to be the cool Scott Renshaw pals to Teddy and his Delt brothers represent a

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MAY 7-13, 2014 | | 27

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ccording to Irish myth, a selkie is a seal capable of shedding its skin and becoming human — a variant of the mysterious mermaid, but with flippers instead of a tail. A selkie is also the focus of two wonderful movies I had the pleasure of revisiting this past week, one a mini-classic of sorts, the other (the more recent one) an overlooked delight. Both were filmed in Ireland and reflect, in different ways, the beauty and color of the land and the language. Let’s start with the latest first. Written and directed by Neil Jordan, Ondine is the story of recovering alcoholic Syracuse (Colin Farrell), his wheelchair-bound young daughter (Alison Barry) and a beautiful naked woman, Ondine (Alicja Bachleda), whom Syracuse snares one day in his fishing net. Taking the stranger into his home to care for her, Syracuse discovers a new world of possibilities. He could use some good luck, and Ondine seems to have brought it with her. For one thing, Syracuse’s nets are filled with fish, apparently attracted by her singing. For another, Syracuse is soon in love with her. Crippled by kidney disease, Syracuse’s daughter is entranced with the beautiful Ondine as well, convinced that she’s a selkie. Syracuse’s alcoholic ex-wife, however, is nonetoo-pleased by the stranger’s influence on her daughter and is anxious to bring Syracuse back into her own purview. Meanwhile, the parish priest (Stephen Rea), whom Syracuse consults in the confessional in lieu of an AA meeting, has no idea what to think. Featuring marvelously understated and unsentimental performances from its three leads, Ondine is a real charmer with genuine suspense in the third act, as Jordan’s script veers in an unexpected direction. To reveal more would be criminal. The Secret of Roan Inish (1994), meanwhile, is the Citizen Kane of selkie movies. Written, directed and edited by John Sayles, the film is an unabashed fairy tale for the proverbial children of all ages. Everything a typical Disney movie is not, Roan Inish celebrates the wonder and magic and, most important, the humanity of the selkie myth. Set shortly after World War II, the story centers on Fiona, a 10-year-old girl who, after the death of her mother and the disappearance of her baby brother at sea (adrift in his cradle), goes to live with her grandparents and young cousin, recently dispossessed of their family home on the remote island of Roan Inish. With an open mind and heart to stories of Ireland’s legendary past and the family’s apparent link to a selkie, Fiona embarks on a quest to find her baby brother and restore the family homestead on Roan Inish. Released more than 20 years ago, The Secret of Roan Inish is an experience ripe for re-discovery — one of those films that, like its themes of family and tradition and heritage, is truly timeless. Sayles, one of America’s best independent filmmakers, has executed a flawless blend of folklore, fantasy and realism that’s quite intelligent, visually stunning and emotionally fulfilling. That’s a heady blend indeed. Pat McLeod

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THIS IS YOUR BRAIN ON DRUGS: What you see here is producer, comedian and marijuana user/advocate Adam Hartle interviewing a pot plant, and that’s as good an encapsulation as we could ever hope to write about the locally produced pro-weed documentary Mile High: The Comeback of Cannabis, which screens on May 14 at Sun-Ray Cinema in 5 Points and will make you wonder if maybe the folks at Partnership for a Drug-Free America don’t have a point.

**** ***@ **@@ *@@@




SUN-RAY CINEMA Finding Vivian Maier and Fading Gigolo are at Sun-Ray Cinema, 1028 Park St., 5 Points, 359-0049, The Sound of Music screens May 11. Mile High: The Comeback of Cannibis runs May 14. TV series Cosmos is at 9 p.m., Mad Men 10 p.m. every Sunday; check for updates. — Marlene Dryden LATITUDE 30 MOVIES 300 Rise of an Empire and Need for Speed are screened at Latitude 30’s CineGrille Theater, 10370 Philips Highway, Southside, 365-5555, — M.D. WGHF IMAX THEATER The Amazing Spider-Man 2, Island of Lemurs: Madagascar 3D, Great White Shark 3D and Born to Be Wild 3D are screened at World Golf Hall of Fame IMAX Theater, 1 World Golf Place, St. Augustine, — M.D.


2 STATES Not Rated Love is universal – and so is in-law trouble, apparently. In this Bollywood rom-com-dram, Krish (Arjun Kapoor) meets Ananya (Alia Bhatt) at college. They fall in love, much to the dismay of their families, who are cultural polar opposites. The couple wants to show everyone it’s the real thing. In Hindi. — M.D. ANAAMIKA Not Rated The Indian thriller stars Nayanthara-Sekhar Kammula as a woman trying to find her husband amid chaos in Pakistan. In Hindi. — M.D. THE AMAZING SPIDER-MAN 2 **@@ Rated PG-13 This one’s gotten all kinds of fanboy guff for more than a year now, with complaints ranging from an overstuffed cast of villains (Spider-Man 3, anyone?) to the allegedly cheap, cut-sceney look of the FX to the utter unreality of casting a black actor in the role of a guy who throws thunderbolts from his body. (Don’t worry, kids: Cliven Bundy understands your concerns, even if the rest of us are more concerned that Jamie Foxx’s take on Max Dillon seems to owe a lot to Jim Carrey’s Edward Nygma in Batman Forever.) Sure, there’s a precedent for comics flicks sacrificing story to ensemble, but really – was anybody holding out for that solo Rhino flick? Maybe Marc Webb has committed a colossal blunder in rushing toward a Sinister Six movie and maybe he hasn’t – and maybe we should all just judge for ourselves. — Steve Schneider

BEARS Rated G Disney takes us on a fascinating documentary voyage into the world of those cuddly, hirsute homosexuals just looking for love and acceptance in … oh, wait. It’s about actual bears. With claws and stuff. Toughing it out in Alaska. Hey, that could be interesting, too. Remember, they can see Russia! John C. Reilly narrates. — S.S. BRICK MANSIONS Rated PG-13 The late Paul Walker’s penultimate film takes place in “a dystopian Detroit,” which has to be the redundancy of the month. But dig this: It’s not just any old dystopian Detroit like you see on the news or in a Robocop movie, but a walled-off dystopian Detroit that’s a holding cell for the area’s most dangerous criminals. Helluva creative spin, right? Unless you count that the flick is a remake of the French District B13, which as The Guardian pointed out, was in turn “wantonly ripped off from John Carpenter’s Escape From New York.” But hey – at least it’s not a sequel! Costars David Belle and RZA. — S.S. CAPTAIN AMERICA: THE WINTER SOLDIER ***G Rated PG-13 Steve Rogers (Chris Evans), aka Captain America, hasn’t had time to cope with after-effects of one-way time travel, via cryonic sleep, from the 1940s to the 2010s, but he’s starting to face his disconnect. Costars Samuel L. Jackson and Scarlett Johansson. And Stan Lee! — M.D. DIVERGENT Rated PG-13 Beatrice Prior (Shailene Woodley) is labeled a Divergent, a group of misfits considered so dangerous that their destruction is being plotted. So she hooks up with another outcast – Four (Theo James), who’s really just one person. Costars Kate Winslet, Ashley Judd and Zoe Kravitz. — M.D. DRAFT DAY Rated PG-13 Here in J-ville, we love Draft Day – every year, there’s a chance to get some awesome players added to our already awesome Jaguars roster. Dream on, River City. Costars Kevin Costner, Chadwick Boseman, Jennifer Garner, Deion Sanders, Aaron Goldhammer and Chris Berman. — M.D. FARMLAND Not Rated The documentary describes the American farming tradition, how it’s evolved and how those who carry on are able to survive. It’s an eye-opener for the food-clueless among us, which is, you know, pretty much everyone. — M.D. FINDING VIVIAN MAIER ***@ Not Rated • Sun-Ray Cinema Vivian Maier was a photographer in the last half of the 20th

century, but few knew it. She shot street scenes and people while also nannying for wealthy Chicago and New York City families. Her work was unearthed by the documentarian and historian John Maloof, the film’s co-director. — M.D. GOD’S NOT DEAD Rated PG Josh Wheaton (Shane Harper) is a college student having trouble in philosophy class. Professor Radisson (Kevin Sorbo) doesn’t believe there is a God, shaking Josh’s faith. Costars Dean Cain and Willie Robertson. — M.D. THE GRAND BUDAPEST HOTEL **G@ Rated R Director Wes Anderson guides a great ensemble in this, The Twee-est Story Ever Told, including Edward Norton, Saoirse Ronan, Bill Murray, the adorable Bob Balaban, Adrien Brody, Willem Dafoe, Jason Schwartzman and Owen Wilson. The com-dram, about Gustave H (Ralph Fiennes), concierge of an elegant European hotel, is largely told by the 1960s version of lobby boy Zero Moustafa (F. Murray Abraham) about his time at the hotel and the madcap adventures he and Gustave had. — M.D. A HAUNTED HOUSE 2 Rated R If you’re in the mood for a sendup of supernatural verité, you might want to think about saving your cash for a while instead of blowing it on Marlon Wayans’ latest round of colon jokes masquerading as genre parody. It’s your choice, of course. I’m just saying that, sometimes, the devil you know is still a dickweed. — S.S. HEAVEN IS FOR REAL Rated PG Have you noticed that this seems to be the season of the beatific death-where-is-thy-sting story? On TV, you’ve got your Resurrection, which offers the helpful reassurance that your Uncle Max who farts at the Thanksgiving table will be keep on coming back even after his ticker craps out from all that breading. And in the theaters, you’ve got Heaven is For Real, a Greg Kinnear pay-it-upward vehicle based on the best-selling book about a kid who died for a bit and came around bearing all sorts of details about the Great Beyond. Personally, I prefer my tales of life after death to star zombies and vampires, but I understand why there need to be other-side stories for people who will only accept immortality if it follows in the tradition of Jeebus. Still, what I wouldn’t pay to see Dead is Dead and That’s Your Lot, starring Ricky Gervais and financed by the Atheist Alliance of America. — S.S. JODOROWSKY’S DUNE ***@ Rated PG-13 Alejandro Jodorowsky, the iconoclastic director of hallucinatory surrealist films El Topo and The Holy Mountain, gets the full-on fanboy documentary treatment as director

Enjoy Craft & Import Beers!

1 – 6 p.m. Riverside Arts Market 715 Riverside Ave.

LEGENDS OF OZ: DOROTHY’S RETURN Rated PG The Baum family’s eagerness to exploit – I mean, “further” – patriarch L. Frank’s legacy is why we have this animated musical, which premiered last year in France but is only now getting a wide release here. The use of Lea Michele’s tonsils as the voice of Dorothy is ostensibly the big draw, but the theater geeks in your social circle will be sucked in by Bernadette Peters and Megan Hilty, who played mother and daughter on the late, endearingly awful SMASH. Peters voices the character of Glinda the Good Witch … which just happens to be the same part Hilty played on Broadway in Wicked. Hey, don’t laugh! How much time do you spend memorizing RBIs? — S.S. MOMS’ NIGHT OUT Rated PG Filmmakers Jon and Andrew Erwin of the anti-abortion polemic October Baby continue to let us know what they think women should be up to, this time in a comedy about moms who make the mistake of having their husbands watch the kids so they can enjoy an evening out on the town. That’ll learn the selfish cunnies to stay in the kitchen! If you think the Erwins’ perspective is a bit skewed, take heart – they actually let a real live female-type-person co-write this thing: Andrea Gyertson Nasfell, whose screenwriting oeuvre is heavily reliant on concepts of angels, missionaries and Christmas. See? Diversity out the wazoo. Costars Sarah Drew, Trace Adkins, Sean Astin, Patricia Heaton. — S.S. NEIGHBORS **G@ Rated R • Opens May 9 Reviewed in this issue.

Live Music. Food. Fun.

KOTHA JANTA Not Rated The Bollywood romcom costars Allu Sirish and Regina Cassandra. In Telugu.

FREE Admission!!

$5 for Souvenir Sampling Cup & 1 Free Drink. Drink Tickets & Unlimited Sampling Packages Available

Benefiting the St. Johns Riverkeeper

Sunday, June 22

Frank Pavich chronicles the 85-year-old Chilean filmmaker’s failed quest to film Frank Herbert’s sci-fi epic Dune.

NOAH Rated PG-13 Russell Crowe stars as the patriarch acutely aware of the weather – God has told him a great flood is coming and he’d better hightail it to the high seas with his family and a lot of animals if he wants to survive. Turns out he’s quite the fighter. Costars Jennifer Connelly, Anthony Hopkins, Nick Nolte, Ray Winstone and Emma Watson. — M.D. OCULUS Rated R This horror movie, about a young woman trying to blame a murder on a supernatural being so her brother – who’s been convicted of the crime – gets out of jail, was filmed in Mobile, Ala. One scary goddamn place fersure. — M.D. THE OTHER WOMAN Rated PG-13 Nick Cassavettes directs Cameron Diaz as a woman who forges an unlikely alliance with her three-timing boyfriend’s wife and mistress. Silly old me was under the mistaken impression that this would be a sideways riff on The Women, but the Internet set me straight: It’s actually a grown-up version of John Tucker Must Die. Thanks, trolls! I almost said something stupid. Costars Nikolaj CosterWaldau, Leslie Mann, Kate Upton, Don Johnson (a role model for roués worldwide) and Nicki Minaj. — S.S. THE QUIET ONES **@@ Rated PG-13 If you thought Waiting for Superman had fully explored the dangers of the U.S. educational system, check out this based-on-reality horror picture, in which a bunch of college students are hired to prod the psyche of a disturbed girl and end up unleashing a malevolent spirit. Even worse news: Mark Zuckerberg screws them on the patent. — S.S. RIO 2 Rated G City parrots (Jesse Eisenberg, Anne Hathaway) are dropped deep in the Amazonian jungle. The animated kids’ feature costars Andy Garcia, Jamie Foxx and Kristin Chenoweth. TRANSCENDENCE **G@ Rated PG-13 Christopher Nolan’s longtime cinematographer, Wally Pfister, makes his directing debut with this slice of cautionary sci-fi, in which a scientist (Johnny Depp) seeks to accumulate “the collective intelligence of everything ever known” and combine it with “the full range of human emotions.” Hey, Johnny: We already have that. It’s called “Patton Oswalt.” Costars Kate Mara, Rebecca Hall, Paul Bettany, Morgan Freeman. — S.S.

MAY 7-13, 2014 | | 29


SOCIAL SECURITY An art gallery owner and her husband are visited by her mother; will she stay? Staged through June 8; dinner served for evening shows at 6 p.m.; matinees, 11 a.m. Sat. and noon Sun.; at Alhambra Theatre & Dining, 12000 Beach Blvd., Southside, $38-$55, 641-1212, OTHER DESERT CITIES Brooke visits her parents after six years to tell them her memoir is about to come out. Staged 8 p.m. May 8-10 and 2 p.m. May 11 on Limelight Theatre’s Matuza Main Stage, 11 Old Mission Ave., St. Augustine, $10-25, 825-1164, THE FOX ON THE FAIRWAY Golf club manager Henry runs an inter-club tournament; 8 p.m. May 8-10 and 15-17 and 2 p.m. May 11 at Players by the Sea, 106 N. Sixth St., Jax Beach, $20-$23, 249-0289, THE COLORED MUSEUM Museum exhibits express the African-American journey in George C. Wolfe’s satirical take on the experience, 7 p.m. May 9, 2 and 6 p.m. May 10 and 3 p.m. May 11 at Stage Aurora Performance Hall, 5188 Norwood Ave., Northside, $15-$25, 765-7372, MUSICAL THEATRE SHOWCASE The one-night show of musical theater is staged 7:30 p.m. May 9 at Douglas Anderson School of the Arts' Main Stage Theatre, 2445 San Diego Rd., San Marco, $10, 346-5620, BAY AT THE MOON Atlantic Beach Experimental Theatre presents hometown success story Ian Mairs, in town to direct his play about the ties that bind siblings and the boundaries set to maintain sanity, May 9-25 (8 p.m. Thur.Sat., 2 p.m. Sun.) at Adele Grage Cultural Center, 716 Ocean Blvd., Atlantic Beach, $15, 249-7177, ALICE IN WONDERLAND Lewis Carroll’s classic with a concert-style twist, 7:30 p.m. May 12 and 13 at Gamache Theatre, Flagler College’s Ringhaver Student Center, 50 Sevilla St., St. Augustine, $20, 829-5807,


ARIES SPEARS Best-known from Mad TV, Spears appears at 8 p.m. on May 8, and at 8 and 10 p.m. May 9 and 10 at The Comedy Zone, 3130 Hartley Rd., Mandarin, $22-$27, 292-4242, MICHAEL MALONE Malone, who won the Seattle International Comedy Competition, appears at 8:04 p.m. on May 8 and at 8:04 and 10:10 p.m. on May 9 and 10 at Comedy Club of Jacksonville, 11000 Beach Blvd., Southside, 646-4277, $6-$25, KEN MILLER Funnyman Miller appears at 8 p.m. on May 9 and 10 at Latitude 30, 10370 Philips Highway, Southside, 365-5555, ERIK GRIFFIN Griffin was Montez on Workaholics, he dropped a debut comedy album and his half-hour Comedy Central Presents special aired this year. 8 p.m. May 15-17 and 10 p.m. May 17 at The Comedy Zone, 3130 Hartley Rd., Mandarin, $18-$20, 292-4242, ERIK RIVERA Rivera provided some comic relief to The Tonight Show with Jay Leno that one time. He appears 8:04 p.m. May 15 and 8:04 and 10:10 p.m. May 16 and 17 at Comedy Club of Jacksonville, 11000 Beach Blvd., Southside, 646-4277, $6-$25, MAD COWFORD IMPROV Weekly improv shows based on audience suggestion are held 8:15 p.m. every Fri. and Sat. at Northstar Substation, 119 E. Bay St., Downtown, $5, 233-2359,


LA CAROLINE ROCK OPERA FUNDRAISER The cast of this locally produced rock opera serves crêpes from Little Family Crêpes, while performing song and theatrical numbers with Philip Pan of the Jacksonville Symphony Orchestra, 6 p.m. May 7 on the rooftop of Museum of Science & History, 1025 Museum Circle Dr., Southbank, $60. The rock opera, written by playwright Jennifer Chase with composition by John E. Citrone, premieres at MOSH Oct. 14-25. IMPROVISATION FOR TEENS Atlantic Beach Experimental Theatre holds an eight-week improvisation workshop for teens in grades 9-12 at 3 p.m. every Thur., through June 5 at Adele Grage Cultural Center, 716 Ocean Blvd., Atlantic Beach, $160, 249-7177, PUBLIC PERFORMANCE LICENSES Attorney Carolyn Herman discusses licenses and Jazzland Café owner Carole Freeman, a jazz vocalist, discusses her real-life encounters with ASCAP, 6:30-7:30 p.m. May 8 at The Art Center Cooperative, 31 W. Adams St., Downtown. LOVE AT HIGH NOON LUNCHEON A meet-and-greet and lunch with romance writer and publisher Brenda Jackson is held noon May 9 at Café Karibo, 27 N. Third St., Fernandina Beach, $20, 277-5269, CALL TO ARTISTS The Art Center calls for art in any media depicting what makes Jacksonville “our town.” Deadline is May 7. Show runs May 8-July 8 at Art Center Premier Gallery, 50 N. Laura St., Downtown, 355-1757, SAVE MORE AND SPEND LESS Clark Howard, a nationally syndicated consumer expert who specializes in helping consumers save more, spend less and avoid getting ripped off, speaks at 6:30 p.m. May 8 at University of North Florida's University Center, 12000 Alumni Dr., Southside,

30 | | MAY 7-13, 2014

free, 620-4200, MOB FEST Marketing Our Businesses Fest, which allows an entrepreneur promote a product, service or program – charging the fee to the vendor – celebrates its one-year anniversary, 10 a.m. May 10 at E3 Center for Entrepreneur Development, 138 E. Duval St., Downtown, 525-2299, PORTRAIT PAINTING SESSION Live model portrait painting with Elbert Schubert, 10 a.m.-noon May 10 at The Art Center II, 229 N. Hogan St., Downtown, $5 for members, $10 for nonmembers; artists bring supplies. FABRIC ART WITHOUT NEEDLE AND THREAD Learn how to add fabric to artwork without using a stitch; all supplies and equipment provided; 10 a.m. May 17 at TAC II, 229 N. Hogan St., Downtown, $30-$40, 355-1757, AUDITIONS AT ACT Amelia Community Theatre auditions for The Foreigner. Roles are available for one man and six women, 4:30 p.m. May 17 at ACT’s Studio 209 Theatre, 209 Cedar St., Fernandina Beach, 261-6749, SIMPLY NATURAL HAIR EXPO This natural hair and beauty expo highlights grassroots concepts of beauty and wellness, featuring exhibits of local entrepreneurs, beauty and wellness workshops and a Nubian fashion show, 11 a.m. May 18 at Jacksonville Marriott, 4760 Salisbury Rd., Southside, 733-0705, CREATIVE DRAMA SUMMER CAMPS Atlantic Beach Experimental Theatre holds one-week and two-week ageappropriate camps, for grades 1-9, starting June 9, at Grage Cultural Center, 716 Ocean Blvd., Atlantic Beach, $160-$320, 249-7177, NATURE & WILDLIFE EXHIBIT Works in any medium that celebrate the beauty of the natural world are eligible – wilderness and landscape images, birds, marine life and the diversity of creatures in the great outdoors – for the fifth annual exhibition, held July 26-Aug. 31 at St. Augustine Art Association. Submit up to three images online by June 2; $45, 824-2310, ACTEEN STAGE LAB Children and teens in grades 6-12 learn street style and ambush theater at 6:30 p.m. every Wed. at Limelight Theatre, $80 per session, 825-1164, CALL TO ARTISTS The Art Center seeks photographers and video artists to present slide shows or videos at Art Walk at its studios. Artists must have their own projection equipment. $25 fee. For details, email FIGURE DRAWING TAC II hosts figure-drawing sessions with a live model at 7 p.m. every Tue. (no session during the week of First Wednesday Art Walk) at TAC II, 229 N. Hogan St., Downtown, $5-$10, 355-1757,


RIVER CITY DULCIMERS The River City Dulcimers & Friends perform, featuring hammered dulcimers and acoustics, in a free concert at 6:30 p.m. May 7 at Main Library, 1895 Town Center Blvd., Fleming Island, 278-3722, RiverCityDulcimers. MAJOR-MINOR CONCERT This showcase features the JSYO’s top-tier ensembles, the Philharmonic and Repertory Orchestras, playing with their professional mentors in the Jacksonville Symphony Orchestra, 8 p.m. May 9 at 300 W. Water St., Downtown, $5-$10, 633-6110, FREE BRASS CONCERT The Ancient City Brass Band performs, 5 p.m. May 11 at St. John’s Cathedral, 256 E. Church St., free. INTERMEZZO University of North Florida’s Dr. Gary Smart performs piano pieces by Mozart, Debussy and Prokofiev, followed by jazz improvisations from The Great American Songbook. Soprano Marilyn Smart joins her husband in song selections by Debussy and Gershwin. 3 p.m. May 11 in Hicks Auditorium, Main Library, 303 Laura St. N., free, 630-2665, PIANO 4-HANDS RECITAL Pianists Kathleen Vande Berg and Linda Wills perform at noon on May 14 on the grand piano at Memorial Presbyterian Chapel, Sevilla St., St. Augustine, free admission. GLADYS KNIGHT Knight, a seven-time Grammy-winner who’s scored No. 1 hits in pop, R&B and adult contemporary, appears 8 p.m. May 16 at the Times-Union Center’s Moran Theater, 300 W. Water St., Downtown, $59-$80, 633-6110, FIESTA WITH ST. AUGUSTINE ORCHESTRA This spring concert features a program of Latin music as part of the week-long music celebration, Romanza Festivale of the Arts, at 8 p.m. May 16 at Lightner Museum, 25 Granada St., St. Augustine and 3 p.m. May 18 at Christ Episcopal Church, 400 San Juan Dr., Ponte Vedra Beach, $15, 655-7944, FABIO MECHETTI’S FINALE Mahler’s Symphony No. 3 is the final concert with Mechetti on the podium as music director. Mahler’s longest piece is performed in its entirety without intermission, 8 p.m. May 16 and 17 in Jacoby Symphony Hall, 300 W. Water St., Downtown, $25-$59, 633-6110, SPRING CONCERT Orange Park United Methodist Church’s Hand Bell Choir performs a spring concert, 6:30 p.m. May 19 at the Main Library, 1895 Town Center Blvd., Fleming Island, free, 278-3722, CONCERT ON THE GREEN The 27th annual concert by the

PERFECT STILLNESS: University of North Florida graduate Jessie Barnes (whose piece is pictured) is May’s guest artist at Southlight Gallery in Downtown Jacksonville. The May exhibit, Ctrl + Alt + Image, also features work by 24 UNF photography students. Jacksonville Symphony Orchestra includes Tchaikovsky’s 1812 Overture and patriotic and American favorites, 8 p.m. May 25 at Magnolia Point Golf & Country Club, 3670 Clubhouse Dr., Green Cove Springs, $12-$15 or $75 for dinner package, 278-8448, KELLY/SCOTT JAZZ SEXTET Northeast Florida jazz sextet, led by vocalist Lisa Kelly and trumpet/flugelhorn player JB Scott, performs at 11 a.m. and 7:30 p.m. on May 30 at Friday Musicale, 645 Oak St., Riverside, 355-7584, CHICAGO The American band opens Starry Nights series with the Jacksonville Symphony Orchestra, at 6 p.m. on May 31 at Metropolitan Park, 1410 Gator Bowl Blvd., Downtown, $84, 354-5547, WASTE NOT WANT NOT CONCERT Orange Park Chorale performs a benefit concert for local charity organization Waste Not Want Not, 8 p.m. May 31 at Sacred Heart Catholic Church, 7190 U.S. 17, Fleming Island. CHRISTOPHER CROSS Five-time Grammy-winning singersongwriter, accompanied by the Jacksonville Symphony Orchestra, appears at 6 p.m. on June 6 at Metropolitan Park, 1410 Gator Bowl Blvd., Downtown, $84, 354-5547, FOUR CENTURIES OF KEYBOARD MUSIC Second of a series of performances and commentaries, pianist Rosalind J. Elson plays works of Pezold, Frescobaldi, Purcell, Haydn, Grieg and Cruse at 3 p.m. June 6 in the Choir Loft of Shepherd of the Woods Lutheran Church, 6595 Columbia Court, Jacksonville, free, 268-6701. JAZZ IN PONTE VEDRA The Gary Starling Group (Carol Sheehan, Billy Thornton, Peter Miles) performs 7:30-10:30 p.m. every Thur. at Table 1, 330 A1A N., 280-5515. JAZZ IN RIVERSIDE Trumpeter Ray Callendar and guitarist Taylor Roberts are featured at 9:30 p.m. every Thur. at Kickbacks Gastropub, 910 King St., 388-9551. JAZZ IN MANDARIN Boril Ivanov Trio plays at 7 p.m. every Thur. and pianist David Gum plays at 7 p.m. every Fri. at Tree Steakhouse, 11362 San Jose Blvd., 262-0006. JAX BEACH JAZZ Live jazz is presented 6-9 p.m. every Fri. at Landshark Café, 1728 Third St. N., 246-6024. JAZZ IN NEPTUNE BEACH Live jazz is featured 7:30-9:30 p.m. every Sat. at Lillie’s Coffee Bar, 200 First St., 249-2922. JAZZ IN ST. AUGUSTINE The House Cats perform from 9:30 p.m.-1 a.m. every Sat. at Stogies Club & Listening

Room, 36 Charlotte St., 826-4008. JAZZ IN ARLINGTON Jazzland Café features live music at 8 p.m. every Sat. and 6-9 p.m. every Tue. at 1324 University Blvd. N., 240-1009, JAZZ IN ST. AUGUSTINE Live jazz is featured nightly at Rhett’s Piano Bar & Brasserie, 66 Hypolita St., 825-0502.


FIRST WEDNESDAY ART WALK An art walk, featuring more than 50 galleries, museums and businesses and spanning 15 blocks, is held 5-9 p.m. May 7 and every first Wed., Downtown. May’s theme “Downtown is on Fire” includes a commemoration to the 1901 Fire and Jacksonville history, with blacksmiths and Jacksonville University's glassblowing students in Hemming Plaza. Local artist Mark Zimmerman creates an interactive memorial to the 1901 fire. Jax2025 hosts a celebration onstage. marketing; DOWNTOWN FRIDAY MARKET Arts and crafts and local produce are offered 10 a.m.-2 p.m. May 9 and every Fri. at The Jacksonville Landing, 2 Independent Dr., Downtown, 353-1188. RIVERSIDE ARTS MARKET Garrett on Acoustic, Lauren Fincham, Mike Pearson and Cougar Barrel perform; local and regional art, food artists and a farmers market are featured, from 10 a.m.-4 p.m. on May 10 under the Fuller Warren Bridge, 715 Riverside Ave., free admission, 389-2449, ARTRAGEOUS ART WALK Downtown Fernandina Beach galleries are open for self-guided tours, 5:30-8:30 p.m. May 10 and every second Sat., 277-0717, JAX BEACH ART WALK More than 30 local artists display works, 5-9 p.m. May 13 and every second Tue., along First Street between Beach Boulevard and Fifth Avenue North, Jax Beach, NORTH BEACHES ART WALK Galleries of Atlantic and Neptune beaches are open 5-9 p.m. May 15 and every third Thur. from Sailfish Drive in Atlantic Beach to Neptune Beach and Town Center, 249-2222, WILD AMELIA NATURE FESTIVAL The three-day festival features a sea turtle release and a nature cruise on May

16, a free Eco-Expo from 10 a.m.-4 p.m. on May 17 at Atlantic Recreation Center, as well as photography classes, workshops and eco-tours May 16, 17 and 18. Class admission ranges from $25-$40 per class. A behind-thescenes group tour is held at Jacksonville Zoo on May 18, $60. For a full schedule, go to NAMI BENEFIT FESTIVAL National Alliance on Mental Illness Jacksonville includes a guided walk around historic Ortega, 9-10 a.m., with DJ Matt Basford, Ronan’s School of Music, Eric Wendorf, Hugh Rankin Tuba Man, the Concert Ballet Company, silent auction, kids’ activities, arts and crafts, 11 a.m.-3 p.m. May 17 at Ortega Methodist Church, 4807 Roosevelt Blvd., Ortega, $10, 388-5166. UPTOWN SATURDAY NIGHT The self-guided tour features galleries, antique stores and shops open from 5-9 p.m. on May 31 and every last Sat. in St. Augustine’s San Marco District, 824-3152. FIRST FRIDAY ART WALK The tour of Art Galleries of St. Augustine is held June 6 and every first Fri., with more than 15 galleries participating, 829-0065.


ALEXANDER BREST MUSEUM & GALLERY Jacksonville University, 2800 University Blvd. N., Arlington, 256-7371, The permanent collection features carved ivory, Chinese porcelain, pre-Colombian artifacts and more. AMELIA ISLAND MUSEUM OF HISTORY 233 S. Third St., Fernandina Beach, 261-7378, The children’s exhibit Discovery Ship allows kids to pilot the ship, hoist the flags and learn about the history of Fernandina’s harbor. BEACHES MUSEUM & HISTORY PARK 381 Beach Blvd., Jax Beach, 241-5657, The exhibit Waiting for the Train: Henry Flagler & the Florida East Coast Railroad is on display through June 1. CRISP-ELLERT ART MUSEUM Flagler College, 48 Sevilla St., St. Augustine, 826-8530, Lily Kuonen’s PLAYNTINGSSGNITNALP opens with a reception held from 6-9 p.m. on May 16. She discusses her work at 5 p.m. The exhibit continues through June 20. CUMMER MUSEUM OF ART & GARDENS 829 Riverside Ave., Riverside, 356-6857, Art collectors share the pieces that inspired their love of collecting in Collector’s Choice: Inside the Hearts and Minds of Regional Collectors, running May 17-Sept. 14. FSU Professor William Walmsley displays his works through July 8. The Human Figure: Sculptures by Enzo Torcoletti is on display through September. A Commemoration of the Civil Rights Movement: Photography from the High Museum of Art is on display through Nov. 2. KARPELES MANUSCRIPT MUSEUM 101 W. First St., Springfield, 356-2992, Revisiting French Light, Florida Light, an exhibit held in cooperation with the Sister Cities Association and Nantes, France, features watercolors, oils and acrylics by Gordon Meggison; on display through June 28. The permanent collection includes several other rare manuscripts. MANDARIN MUSEUM & HISTORICAL SOCIETY 11964 Mandarin Rd., 268-0784, The exhibit The Maple Leaf, which features artifacts and information from the Civil War era, runs through December. MUSEUM OF CONTEMPORARY ART JACKSONVILLE 333 N. Laura St., Downtown, 366-6911, Leigh Murphy’s exhibit Observing Objects, an exploration of watercolor, runs through May 11. Shaun Thurston’s Project Atrium: One Spark runs through June 6. Students from MOCA’s educational outreach program, Rainbow Artists: Art and Autism display their work through June 1. The exhibit New York Times Magazine Photographs, curated by Kathy Ryan and Lesley Martin, runs through Aug. 24. MUSEUM OF SCIENCE & HISTORY 1025 Museum Circle, Southbank, 396-6674, Uncovering the Past: Archaeological Discoveries of North Florida is on display through August. VISITOR INFORMATION CENTER 10 W. Castillo Dr., St. Augustine, 825-1000, Journey: 450 years of the African-American Experience is exhibited through July 15. WORLD GOLF HALL OF FAME & MUSEUM Honoring the Legacy: A Tribute to African-Americans in Golf – an exhibit that features photographs, audio, video and golfing memorabilia from the late 1800s to the present – is open in the permanent collection.


ABSOLUTE AMERICANA ART GALLERY 77 Bridge St., St. Augustine, 824-5545, Original Pierre Matisse prints are featured. The permanent display features oil paintings, sculptures and prints from international artists. THE ART CENTER MAIN GALLERY 31 W. Adams St., Downtown, 355-1757, Paintings, pastels, sketches and photography by a diverse group of member artists are displayed. THE ART CENTER PREMIER GALLERY 50 N. Laura St.,

Downtown, 355-1757, The exhibit Wood – Depictions and Transformations wraps up May 7. Jacksonville Life, an exhibit of “things that made our city great,” opens May 8 and continues through July 8. BUTTERFIELD GARAGE ART GALLERY 137 King St., St. Augustine, 825-4577, The artist-run gallery features a wide range of traditional and contemporary works by several local artists. CORSE GALLERY & ATELIER 4144 Herschel St., Riverside, 388-8205, Works on permanent display include several by Kevin Beilfuss, Eileen Corse, Miro Sinovcic, Maggie Siner, Alice Williams and Luana Luconi Winner. THE CULTURAL CENTER AT PONTE VEDRA BEACH 50 Executive Way, 280-0614, Beyond the Beaten Path, featuring David Ponsler’s sculptures and George Wilson’s photography, runs through May 9. Jacksonville Coalition for the Visual Arts Spring Show runs through May 9. FIRST STREET GALLERY 216-B First St., Neptune Beach, 241-6928, Joan Carver – who specializes in watercolor, pastels and oils – opens the exhibit Color It Coastal, which runs through May 20. FLORIDA MINING GALLERY 5300 Shad Rd., Southside, 425-2845, Diogenes The Dog & Ryan Rummel, an exhibit of approximately 20 pieces from each artist, opens with a reception held at 7 p.m. May 22. GALLERY725 725 Atlantic Blvd., Ste. 5, Atlantic Beach, 345-9320, Water. Fire. Wood features works by Tonsenia Yann, Ken Daga, Matthew Winghart, Linda Olsen and Flew, through May 17. THE GALLERY AT HOUSE OF STEREO 8780 Perimeter Park Ct., Ste. 100, Southside, 642-6677, Painting, art glass, photography, woodcrafts, pottery and sculpture are featured. GEORGIA NICK GALLERY 11A Aviles St., St. Augustine, 806-3348, The artist-owned studio displays Nick’s sea and landscape photography, along with local works by oil painters, a mosaic artist, potter, photographer and author. HASKELL GALLERY & DISPLAY CASES Jacksonville International Airport, 14201 Pecan Park Rd., Northside, 741-3546. Keith Doles’ Street Series and Street Corners is displayed through June 29 in Haskell Gallery, located before security. Dorian Eng’s Chinese and Japanese art in the form of threaded balls and thimbles called Temari and Yubinuki is displayed through July 7 in Connector Bridge Art display case, located before security. Marsha Glaziere’s Eclectic Coffee Spots in Puget Sound is a collection of paintings, photographs and impressions, displayed through July 5 in Concourse A and C display cases, after security. HIGHWAY GALLERY Nine artists – Nathaniel Artkart Price, Ken Daga, Ashley C. Waldvogel, Brianna Angelakis, Christina Foard, Linda Olsen, Sara Pedigo, Zach Fitchner and Russell Maycumber – are featured on digital billboards throughout the city in collaboration with Clear Channel through July. THE LOOKING LAB 107 E. Bay St., Downtown, 917-239-3772. The exhibit Art in Empty Store Fronts features multimedia video art and sculptures by Crystal Floyd and David Montgomery. PLANTATION ARTISTS’ GUILD & GALLERY 94 Amelia Village Circle, Amelia Island, 432-1750, Several paintings by Edibeth Farrington are on display through May 10. REDDI ARTS 1037 Hendricks Ave., San Marco, 398-3161, Works by local artists are featured, with a focus on “emerging artists for emerging collectors.” Collections change monthly. ROTUNDA GALLERY St. Johns County Administrative Building, 500 San Sebastian View, St. Augustine. The St. Augustine Camera Club’s third annual Juried Member Photography Show is on display through July 24. ST. AUGUSTINE ART ASSOCIATION 22 Marine St., 824-2310, The Florida Artist Group (FLAG) presents its annual juried exhibit through May. SOUTHLIGHT GALLERY 201 N. Hogan St., Ste. 100, Downtown, 553-6361, Ctrl + Alt + Image, an exhibit of select works by 24 UNF students enrolled in the Alternative Camera & Alternative Photographic Processes course, is on display at the UNF ArtSpace. The gallery’s May exhibit features pieces by 49 artists, including guest artist and UNF graduate Jessie Barnes. The FACE to FACE mural is also on display. SPACE:EIGHT GALLERY 228 W. King St., St. Augustine, 829-2838, Features lowbrow, pop surrealism, street and underground art by nationally and internationally acclaimed artists.

For a complete list of arts events, go to folioweekly. com/calendar. To submit your arts-related event, email Print deadline is 4 p.m. Monday, nine days before publication. Due to space constraints, not all events appear in print. MAY 7-13, 2014 | | 31

DINING DIRECTORY To have your restaurant listed, contact your account manager or Sam Taylor, 904.260.9770 ext. 111 DINING DIRECTORY KEY

Average Entrée Cost: $ = Less than $8 $$ = $8-$14 $$$ = $15-$22 $$$$ = $23 & up BW = Beer/Wine FB = Full Bar K = Kids’ Menu TO = Take Out B = Breakfast R = Brunch L = Lunch D = Dinner *Bite Club certified = Hosted a free Folio Weekly Bite Club tasting. Join at BOJ = 2013 Best of Jax winner F = FW distribution spot


29 SOUTH EATS, 29 S. Third St., 277-7919. F In historic downtown, the popular bistro’s Chef Scotty Schwartz serves traditional world cuisine with a modern twist. $$ L Tue.-Sat.; D Mon.-Sat.; R Sun. BRETT’S WATERWAY CAFÉ, 1 S. Front St., 261-2660. F Southern hospitality in an upscale waterfront spot; daily specials, fresh local seafood, aged beef. $$$ FB K L D Daily CAFÉ KARIBO, 27 N. Third St., 277-5269. F In a historic building, family-owned spot serves worldly taste fare: homemade veggie burgers, fresh seafood, made-fromscratch desserts. Dine in or on oak-shaded patio. Karibrew Pub offers beer brewed onsite. $$ FB K TO R, Sun.; L D Daily CIAO ITALIAN BISTRO, 302 Centre St., 206-4311. Owners Luke and Kim Misciasci offer fine dining: veal piccata, rigatoni Bolognese, antipasto; house specialties are chicken Ciao, homemade-style meat lasagna. $ L Fri. & Sat.; D Nightly DAVID’S RESTAURANT & LOUNGE, 802 Ash St., 310-6049. In Historic District. Fresh seafood, prime aged meats, rack of lamb served in an elegant, chic spot. $$$$ FB D Nightly DICK’S WINGS & GRILL, 474313 E. S.R. 200, 491-3469. 450077 S.R. 200, Callahan, 879-0993. BOJ winner. See Northside. $ FB K TO L D Daily JACK & DIANE’S, 708 Centre St., 321-1444. F In a renovated 1887 shotgun house. Favorites: jambalaya, French toast, mac-n-cheese, vegan, vegetarian selections. Dine inside or on the porch. $$ FB K B L D Daily LULU’S AT THE THOMPSON HOUSE, 11 S. Seventh St., 432-8394. F Creative lunch: po’boys, salads, little plates served in a historic house. Dinner: fresh local seafood, Fernandina shrimp. Reservations recommended. $$$ BW K TO R Sun.; L D Tue.-Sat. MOON RIVER PIZZA, 925 S. 14th St., 321-3400. F BOJ winner. Northern-style pizzas, with more than 20 toppings, are served by the pie or the slice. $ BW TO L D Mon.-Sat. THE MUSTARD SEED CAFE, 833 TJ Courson Rd., 277-3141. Awarded Snail of Approval. Casual organic eatery and juice bar, in Nassau Health Foods. All-natural organic items, smoothies, juice, coffee, herbal tea. $$ TO B L Mon.-Sat. THE PECAN ROLL BAKERY, 122 S. Eighth St., 491-9815. Sweet and savory pastries, cookies, cakes and breads. Everything’s made from scratch. $ TO B L Wed.-Sun. PLAE, 80 Amelia Village Cir., 277-2132. Bite Club certified. Omni Amelia Island Plantation Spa & Shops. Bistro-style venue has an innovative menu: whole fried fish and duck breast. Outdoor dining. $$$ FB D Mon.-Sat. SALTY PELICAN BAR & GRILL, 12 N. Front St., 277-3811. F See ICW sunsets from second-story outdoor bar. Owners T.J. and Al offer local seafood, Mayport shrimp, fish tacos, po’boys, original broiled cheese oysters. $$ FB K L D Daily SLIDERS SEASIDE GRILL, 1998 S. Fletcher Ave., 277-6652. F BOJ. Oceanfront place serves award-winning handmade crab cakes, fresh seafood, fried pickles. Outdoor dining, open-air 2nd fl oor, balcony. $$ FB K L D Daily T-RAY’S BURGER STATION, 202 S. 8th St., 261-6310. F This spot in an old gas station offers blue plate specials, burgers, biscuits & gravy, shrimp. $ BW TO B L Mon.-Sat.


DICK’S WINGS & GRILL, 9119 Merrill Rd., Ste. 19 & 20, 745-9301. BOJ winner. See Northside. $ FB K TO L D Daily LA NOPALERA MEXICAN RESTAURANT, 8818 Atlantic Blvd., 720-0106. See Mandarin. $$ FB K TO L D Daily LARRY’S GIANT SUBS, 1301 Monument Rd., Ste. 5, 724-5802. F See Orange Park. $ K TO B L D Daily


THE CASBAH CAFÉ, 3628 St. Johns Ave., 981-9966. F BOJ winner. Middle Eastern/Mediterranean fare. Patio, hookah lounge. Wi-Fi, bellydancers. $$ BW L D Daily CLAUDE’S CHOCOLATES, 3543 St. Johns Ave., 829-5790. F In Green Man Gourmet, this shop has wines, spices, fresh fruit ice pops and Belgian chocolates. See Ponte Vedra. $$ TO ESPETO BRAZILIAN STEAK HOUSE, 4000 St. Johns Ave., Ste. 40, 388-4884. F Churrascaria gauchos carve the meat onto your plate from serving tables. $$$ FB D Tue.-Sun. THE FOX RESTAURANT, 3580 St. Johns Ave., 387-2669. F Owners Ian & Mary Chase offer fresh diner fare: burgers, meatloaf, fried green tomatoes, desserts. Breakfast all day. Local landmark for 50+ years. $$ BW K L D Daily LA NOPALERA MEXICAN RESTAURANT, 4530 St. Johns Ave., 388-8828. F See Mandarin. $$ FB K TO L D Daily MELLOW MUSHROOM PIZZA BAKERS, 3611 St. Johns

32 | | MAY 7-13, 2014

Ave., 388-0200. F Bite Club certified. BOJ winner. See Beaches. $ BW K TO L D Daily MOJO NO. 4 URBAN BBQ & WHISKEY BAR, 3572 St. Johns Ave., 381-6670. F BOJ winner. See Beaches. $$ FB K TO L D Daily PINEGROVE MARKET & DELI, 1511 Pinegrove Ave., 389-8655. F BOJ winner. For 40+ years serving hearty fare: Cuban sandwiches, burgers, subs, wraps, homemade chicken salad, in a family spot. Onsite butcher shop cuts USDA choice prime aged beef. Craft beers. $ BW TO B L D Mon.-Sat. SIMPLY SARA’S, 2902 Corinthian Ave., Ortega, 3871000. F Down-home cooking from scratch: eggplant fries, pimento cheese, baked chicken, fruit cobblers, chicken & dumplings, desserts. BYOB. $$ K TO L D Mon.-Sat., B Sat.


AL’S PIZZA, 8060 Philips Hwy., Ste. 105, 731-4300. F BOJ winner. See Beaches. $ FB K TO L D Daily BROADWAY RISTORANTE & PIZZERIA, Ste. 3, 10920 Baymeadows Rd. E., 519-8000. F Family-owned-andoperated Italian pizzeria serves calzones, strombolis, wings, brick-oven-baked pizza, subs, desserts. Delivery. $$ BW K TO L D Daily INDIA’S RESTAURANT, 9802 Baymeadows Rd., Ste. 8, 620-0777. F Authentic Indian cuisine, lunch buffet. Curries, vegetable dishes, lamb, chicken, shrimp, fish tandoori. $$ BW L Mon.-Sat.; D Nightly LA NOPALERA MEXICAN RESTAURANT, 8206 Philips Hwy., Baymeadows Junction, 732-9433. F See Mandarin. $$ FB K TO L D Daily LARRY’S GIANT SUBS, 3928 Baymeadows Rd., 7377740. 8616 Baymeadows Rd., 739-2498. F See Orange Park. $ K TO B L D Daily PIZZA PALACE RESTAURANT & PIZZERIA, 3928 Baymeadows Rd., 527-8649. F Relaxed, family-owned place serves homestyle cuisine. Local faves include spinach pizza, chicken spinach calzones, ravioli, lasagna, parmigiana. Outside dining; HD TVs. $$ BW K TO L D Daily SNEAKERS SPORTS GRILLE, 8133 Point Meadows Dr., 519-0509. F BOJ winner. See Beaches. $ FB K L D Daily ZESTY INDIA, 8358 Point Meadows Dr., 329-3676. Chefs combine Asian methodology with European template t o create dishes like tandoori lamb chops and rosemary tikka. Vegetarian items are cooked separately in vegetable oil. $ BW TO L D Tue.-Sun.


(Locations are Jax Beach unless otherwise noted.)

AL’S PIZZA, 303 Atlantic Blvd., Beaches Town Ctr., Atlantic Beach, 249-0002. F BOJ winner. Celebrating more than 20 years, Al’s is a repeat Best Pizza winner in the annual BOJ readers’ poll. New York-style and gourmet pizzas. All-day happy hour Mon.-Thur. $ FB K TO L D Daily BREEZY COFFEE SHOP CAFE, 235 Eighth Ave. S., 241-2211. F Casual, family-owned shop serves fresh-baked goods, espressos, locally roasted coffees, vegan and gluten-free options. Sandwiches, local beer. $ BW K TO B R L Daily BUDDHA THAI BISTRO, 301 10th Ave. N., 712-4444. The proprietors are from Thailand; every dish is made with fresh ingredients, beautifully presented. $$ FB TO L D Daily CASA MARIA, 2429 S. Third St., 372-9000. F Familyowned-and-operated place offers authentic Mexican fare: fajitas and seafood dishes, hot sauces made in-house. The specialty is tacos de asada. $ FB K L D Daily CRUISERS GRILL, 319 23rd Ave. S., 270-0356. F BOJ winner. Locally owned and operated for 15+ years, this casual place serves half-pound burgers, fish sandwiches, award-winning cheddar fries and sangria. $ BW K L D Daily ENGINE 15 BREWING CO., 1500 Beach Blvd., Ste. 217, 249-2337. F  BOJ winner. Gastropub fare: soups, flatbreads, sandwiches, including BarBe-Cuban and beer dip. Craft beers and brew groups. $ FB K L Tue.-Sun.; D Nightly FLYING IGUANA TAQUERIA & TEQUILA BAR, 207 Atlantic Blvd., Neptune Beach, 853-5680. F Fusion of Latin American and Southwestern-influenced fare: tacos, seafood, carnitas, Cubana sandwiches. 100+ tequilas. Outdoor seating. $ FB L D Daily LANDSHARK CAFE, 1728 Third St. N., 246-6024. F Locally owned & operated. Fresh, off-the-boat local seafood, fish tacos, houseground burgers, wings, handcut fries, tater tots; daily specials. $$ FB K L D Daily; R Sun. LA NOPALERA MEXICAN RESTAURANT, 1222 Third St. S., 372-4495. F See Mandarin. $$ FB TO L D Daily LARRY’S GIANT SUBS, 657 N. Third St., 247-9620. F See Orange Park. $ K TO B L D Daily LILLIE’S COFFEE BAR, 200 First St., Beaches Town Ctr., Neptune Beach, 249-2922. F Locally roasted coffee, eggs, bagels, fl atbreads, sandwiches, desserts. Dine indoors or out, patio and courtyard. $$ BW TO B L D Daily MELLOW MUSHROOM PIZZA BAKERS, 1018 Third St. N., Ste. 2, 241-5600. F Bite Club. BOJ winner. Hoagies, salads, gourmet pizzas: Mighty Meaty, vegetarian, Kosmic Karma. 35 tap beers. Nonstop happy hour. $ BW K TO L D Daily METRO DINER, 1534 Third St. N., 853-6817. F BOJ winner. See San Marco. $$ R B L Daily MEZZA RESTAURANT & BAR, 110 First St., Beaches Town Ctr., Neptune Beach, 249-5573. F Near-the-ocean eatery, 20+ years. Casual bistro fare: gourmet wood-fired pizzas, nightly specials. Dine inside or on the patio. Valet parking. $$$ FB K D Mon.-Sat.

Lucy Carolino, Precious Tan, Loiz Tan and general manager Jean Jones of The Dim Sum Room on Southside Boulevard show off several varieties of dim sum, including pork shiu mai, shrimp dumplings and barbecue por k buns. Photo: Dennis Ho MOJO KITCHEN BBQ PIT & BLUES BAR, 1500 Beach Blvd., 247-6636. F BOJ winner. Funky Southern blues kitchen. Pulled pork, Carolina-style barbecue, Delta fried catfish, all the sides. $$ FB K TO L D Daily M SHACK, 299 Atlantic Blvd., Beaches Town Ctr., Atlantic Beach, 241-2599. F BOJ winner. David and Matthew Medure fl ippin’ burgers, hot dogs, fries, shakes, familiar fare, moderate prices. Dine inside or outside. $$ BW L D Daily POE’S TAVERN, 363 Atlantic Blvd., Atlantic Beach, 241-7637. F American gastropub named for the poet. 50+ beers, gourmet burgers, handcut fries, fish tacos, Edgar’s Drunken Chili, daily fish sandwich special. $$ FB K L D Daily RAGTIME TAVERN & SEAFOOD GRILL, 207 Atlantic Blvd., Beaches Town Ctr., Atlantic Beach, 241-7877. F For 30 years, popular seafood place has scored many awards in our BOJ readers poll. Blackened snapper, sesame tuna, Ragtime shrimp. Daily happy hour. $$ FB L D Daily SLIDERS SEAFOOD GRILLE & OYSTER BAR, 218 First St., Beaches Town Ctr., Neptune Beach, 246-0881. Beachcasual atmosphere. Customer faves: fish tacos, gumbo. Key lime pie, homemade ice cream sandwiches. $$ FB K L Sat. & Sun.; D Nightly SNEAKERS SPORTS GRILLE, 111 Beach Blvd., 482-1000. F BOJ winner. Full-service bar (with more than 20 beers on tap), TV screens covering entire walls and cheerleader s serving the food. Happy hour Mon.-Fri. $ FB K L D Daily


AKEL’S DELICATESSEN, 21 W. Church St., 665-7324. F New York-style deli offers freshly made fare: subs (3 Wise Guys, Champ), burgers, gyros, breakfast bowls, ranchero wrap, vegetarian dishes. $ K TO B L Mon.-Fri. AMERICAN GRILL, Jacksonville Landing, 353-7522. Fullservice restaurant serves traditional fare: pot pies, steaks, burgers, pizza, pot roast, vegetarian dishes. $$ BW L D Daily BENNY’S STEAK & SEAFOOD, Jax Landing, Ste. 175, 301-1014. This steak-and-seafood house serves Continental cuisine with such signature dishes as the Filet Christian. $$$ FB K L D Daily CAFÉ NOLA at MOCAJax, 333 N. Laura St., 366-6911. F Shrimp & grits, gourmet sandwiches, fresh fish tacos, homemade desserts. $$ FB L Mon.-Fri.; D Thur. & ArtWalk CASA DORA, 108 E. Forsyth St., 356-8282. F Chef Sam Hamidi has been serving genuine Italian fare for 36+ years: veal, seafood, gourmet pizza. The homemade salad dressing is a specialty. $$ BW K L Mon.-Fri.; D Mon.-Sat. CASA MARIA, 12961 N. Main St., Ste. 104, 757-6411. F See Beaches. $ FB K L D Daily CHICAGO PIZZA & SPORTS GRILL, Jax Landing, 354-7747. F Chicago-style deep-dish pizzas, hot dogs, Italian beef dishes from Chicago’s Comastro family. $$ FB K TO L D Daily CHOMP CHOMP, 106 E. Adams St., 762-4667. F Eats at moderate prices – most less than $10. Chef-inspired street food: panko-crusted chicken, burgers, chinois tacos, bahn mi and barbecue. $ L Tue.-Sat.; D Fri. & Sat. CINCO DE MAYO, Jax Landing, 329-2892. Authentic yet mild dishes: fajitas, tacos, burritos, enchiladas. Din e indoors or outside. $$ FB L D Daily FIONN MacCOOL’S IRISH PUB & RESTAURANT, Jax Landing, Ste. 176, 374-1547. BOJ winner. This pub offers casual dining with an uptown Irish atmosphere, serving fi sh and chips, Guinness lamb stew and black-andtan brownies. $$ FB K L D Daily HOOTERS, Jax Landing, Ste. 103, 356-5400. The chain, popular for its waitresses, features wings, steamed shrimp, oysters, burgers, seafood, sandwiches. $$ FB TO L D Daily KOJA SUSHI, Ste. 222, Jax Landing, 350-9911. F BOJ winner. Owners John and Tony, in the sushi game for 10+ years, offer sushi, sashimi, and Japanese, Asian, Korean cuisine. Hard-to-find items like baby octopus salad, too. Dine inside or out. $$ FB L Mon.-Fri.; D Nightly VILLAGE BREAD CAFE, Ste. 175, Jax Landing, 683-7244. Locally owned; bagels, omelets, sandwiches on homestyle

bread, salads, pizzas, pastries. $ TO B L Mon.-Sat. VITO’S ITALIAN CAFE, Jax Landing, Ste. 174, 355-3002. Traditional Italian and Mediterranean menu: pasta, steak and seafood entrées. Desserts, including tiramisu and cannoli, are homemade. Daily happy hour. $ FB L D Daily ZODIAC GRILL, 120 W. Adams St., 354-8283. American favorites and Mediterranean fare in a casual atmosphere; panini, vegetarian dishes. Daily lunch buffet. Espressos, hookahs. Happy hour Mon.-Fri. $ FB L Mon.-Fri


GRASSROOTS NATURAL MARKET, 1915 East-West Pkwy., 541-0009. F BOJ winner. See Riverside. $ BW TO Daily LA NOPALERA MEXICAN RESTAURANT, 1571 C.R. 220, Ste. 100, 215-2223. F See Mandarin. $$ FB TO L D Daily MELLOW MUSHROOM PIZZA BAKERS, 1800 Town Center Blvd., 541-1999. F Bite Club certified. BOJ winner. See Beaches. $ BW K TO L D Daily MOJO SMOKEHOUSE, 1810 Town Center Blvd., Ste. 8, 264-0636. F BOJ. See Beaches. $$ FB K TO L D Daily TAPS BAR & GRILL, 1605 C.R. 220, 278-9421. F 50+ premium tap domestic, imported beers. Starters, burgers, sandwiches, entrées, made to order with fresh ingredients. Lots of TVs for watching sports. $$ FB K L D Daily WHITEY’S FISH CAMP, 2032 C.R. 220, 269-4198. F Real fish camp serves gator tail, freshwater river catfish, daily specials, traditional meals, on Swimming Pen Creek. Outdoor Tiki bar. Come by boat, motorcycle or car. $ FB K TO L Tue.-Sun.; D Nightly


4 BONES BARBECUE, 14286 Beach Blvd., Ste. 20, 419-9855. Classic Southern barbecue: Pulled pork, brisket, chicken, turkey, ribs, chorizo served market-style by the pound. Mac ’n’ cheese, baked beans, cole slaw, green beans. Specialty sandwiches, banana pudding. $ K TO L D Tue.-Sat. AL’S PIZZA, 14286 Beach Blvd., Ste. 31, 223-0991. F BOJ winner. See Beaches. $ FB K TO L D Daily DICK’S WINGS & GRILL, 14286 Beach Blvd., 223-0115. F BOJ winner. See Northside. $ FB K TO L D Daily LA NOPALERA MEXICAN RESTAURANT, 14333 Beach Blvd., Ste. 39, 992-1666. F Tamales, fajitas and pork tacos are customer favorites. Some La Nops have a full bar. $$ FB K TO L D Daily LARRY’S GIANT SUBS, 10750 Atlantic Blvd., Ste. 14, 642-6980. F See Orange Park. $ K TO B L D Daily THE TENT HOOKAH LOUNGE, 12041 Beach Blvd., Ste. 4, 551-2962. Authentic fare, hookahs and flavored tobacco, specials and live belly dancing and fl oor seating, in keeping with that authenticity thing. Open late. $ BW L D Daily TIME OUT SPORTS GRILL, 13799 Beach Blvd., Ste. 5, 223-6999. F Locally-owned-and-operated grill serves hand-tossed pizzas, wings, wraps in a clean, sporty atmosphere. Daily drink specials, HD TVs, pool tables, darts, trivia. Late-night menu. $$ FB L Tue.-Sun.; D Nightly


DICK’S WINGS & GRILL, 525 S.R. 16, Ste. 101, St. Johns, 825-4540. BOJ winner. See Northside. $ FB K TO L D Daily METRO DINER, 12807 San Jose Blvd., 638-6185. F BOJ winner. See San Marco. $$ R B L Daily TAPS BAR & GRILL, 2220 C.R. 210 W., Ste. 314, St. Johns, 819-1554. F See Fleming Island. $$ FB K L D Daily


AL’S PIZZA, 11190 San Jose Blvd., 260-4115. F BOJ winner. See Beaches. $ FB K TO L D Daily ATHENS CAFÉ, 6271 St. Augustine Rd., Ste. 7, 733-1199. F From the dolmades (stuffed grape leaves) to the baby shoes (stuffed eggplant), Athens has all the favorites. G reek




This is a copyright protec

This isFor a copyright © questions,protected please callproof your advertising re

FAX YOUR PROOF For questions, please call your advertising representative at 260-9770. FAX YOUR PROOF IF POSSIBLE AT 268-3655 PROMISE OF BENEFIT PROMISE OF BENEFIT



RUN DATE: 042314 Produced by KL SUPPORT ASK FOR ACTION Produced by KAC_ Checked by Sales Rep RE_


This is a copyright protec

For questions, please call your advertising re FAX YOUR PROOF




Produced by KAC

Photos: Caron Streibich

PIE IN THE SKY Get it hot, cheap and easy (pizza, that is) at Moon River


love pizza. And you do, too. I mean, who doesn’t? There’s something intrinsically comforting and magical about the harmony of that scalding-hot gooey cheese, a proper smear of flavorful sauce, a mishmash of crazy toppings and the crisp, chewy crust. We all have lists of our favorite pizza joints in town, but there’s something to be said about a place around the corner that’s good, cheap and easy. And sometimes I just like the laidback vibe, fun décor, wafting music and oversized comfortable booths at Moon River. It’s low frills: walk in, peruse the chalkboard menu, place your order, pay. You’ll receive a framed postcard that’s totally random (think Mr. Rogers or My Little Pony on roller skates), which will help your server know who ordered what. Grab a seat and they’ll bring it to you. Feeling healthy? Begin with a salad. I enjoy the Greek, because it’s fresh and simple but not wimpy — leafy Romaine topped with sliced tomatoes, strips of green pepper, both green and black olives (olive lovers, rejoice!), fresh mushrooms, slices of onion and crumbles of feta cheese. And the accompanying creamy Caesar dressing is dreamy. (I dunk my pizza crust in it, too.) If you’re not counting calories (lucky you), start with the pesto stix ($4.75) or bread stix ($4.50), which are generously portioned and perfect for sharing. Moon River’s pizza is best when ordered as an entire pie rather than just a slice or two. My favorite is the white (large $16.50, slice $2), which is sauce-less and topped with a blend of mozzarella, feta and Parmesan, extra virgin olive oil, fresh garlic, oregano and a sprinkle of black pepper. On other occasions, I’ll grab a slice of the vegetarian just because it’s so stacked with

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veggies. Like, there’s literally a pile, and many of them are raw (tomatoes, onions, peppers). More cheese is then added on top and re-melted. You can, of course, create your own pies from the list of two dozen toppings, and there’s options for gluten-free crust and vegan cheese. In addition, Moon River offers great $7 calzones that you can customize at 50 cents per additional topping, so load ’em up to your heart’s content. Caron Streibich

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MOON RIVER PIZZA 1176 Edgewood Ave. S., 389-4442 925 S. 14th St., Fernandina Beach, 321-3400 MAY 7-13, 2014 | | 33


ADVERTISING PROOF GRILL ME! This is a copyright protected proof © NAME: Rudolph Smith



contemporary American cuisine – seafood, steaks, pork, burgers, salads, sides and desserts – using locally sourced ingredients when possible. $$$ FB K L Mon.-Fri.; D Nightly MSHACK, 10281 Midtown Pkwy., 642-5000. F BOJ winner. See Beaches. $$ BW L D Daily OVINTE, 10208 Buckhead Branch Dr., 900-7730. BOJ. Tapas, small plates of Spanish and Italian flavors: ceviche fresco, pappardelle bolognese. 240-bottle wine list, 75 by the glass, craft spirits. Outdoor dining. $$ FB R, Sun.; D Nightly

RESTAURANT: Elizabeth Pointe Lodge, 98 S. Fletcher Ave., Fernandina Beach representative at 260-9770.

For questions, please call your advertising BIRTHPLACE: Fernandina Beach FAX YOUR PROOF IF POSSIBLE AT 268-3655


RUN DATE: 042314


FAVORITE RESTAURANT (other than mine): Ruth’s Chris Steak House


Produced by KAC_ Checked Cajun Rep RE_ FAVORITE COOKING by STYLE: Sales


FAVORITE INGREDIENTS: Fresh herbs and spices IDEAL MEAL: Filet mignon, lobster tail and fresh veggies WILL NOT CROSS MY LIPS: Cow tongue INSIDER’S SECRET: Can’t tell! CULINARY TREAT: Gotta sample everything! beers. $$ BW L Mon.-Fri.; D Mon.-Sat. DICK’S WINGS & GRILL, 10391 Old St. Augustine Rd., Ste. 1, 880-7087. F BOJ winner. See Northside. $ FB K TO L D Daily HARMONIOUS MONKS, 10550 Old St. Augustine Rd., Ste. 30, 880-3040. F American-style steakhouse features Angus steaks, gourmet burgers, ribs, wraps. $$ FB K L D Mon.-Sat. KAZU JAPANESE RESTAURANT, 9965 San Jose Blvd., Ste. 35, 683-9903. The new place has a wide variety of soups, dumplings, appetizers, salads, bento boxes, sushi, entrées, maki handrolls, sashimi. $$ FB TO L D Daily LA NOPALERA, 11700 San Jose Blvd., 288-0175. F Tamales, fajitas and pork tacos are customer favorites. Some locations offer a full bar. $$ FB K TO L D Daily LARRY’S GIANT SUBS, 11365 San Jose Blvd., Ste. 3, 674-2945. F See Orange Park. $ K TO B L D Daily THE RED ELEPHANT PIZZA & GRILL, 10131 San Jose Blvd., Ste. 12, 683-3773. F This casual, family-friendly eatery serves pizzas, sandwiches, grill specials, burgers and pasta dishes. Gluten-free friendly. $ FB K L D Daily RENNA’S PIZZA, 11111 San Jose Blvd., Ste. 12, 292-2300. F Casual New York-style pizzeria. Calzones, antipasto, parmigiana, homemade breads. $$ BW K TO L D Daily


ARON’S PIZZA, 650 Park Ave., 269-1007. F Familyowned restaurant has eggplant dishes, manicotti, New York-style pizzas. $$ BW K TO L D Daily DICK’S WINGS & GRILL, 1540 Wells Rd., 269-2122. BOJ winner. See Northside. $ FB K TO L D Daily THE HILLTOP, 2030 Wells Road, 272-5959. Southern-style dining. Specialties: New Orleans shrimp, certified Black Angus prime rib, she-crab soup, desserts. $$$ FB D Tue.-Sat. KRISTIN’S ON THE RIVER, 2511 Blanding Blvd., 3899455. This newly re-opened spot serves seafood and American favorites. $$ FB K TO L D Daily LA NOPALERA MEXICAN RESTAURANT, 9734 Crosshill Blvd., 908-4250. 2024 Kingsley Ave., 276-2776. F See Mandarin. $$ FB TO L D Daily LARRY’S GIANT SUBS, 1330 Blanding Blvd., 276-7370. 1545 C.R. 220, 278-2827. 700 Blanding Blvd., Ste. 15, 272-3553. 1401 S. Orange Ave., Green Cove Springs, 284-7789. F All over the area, they pile ’em high and serve ’em fast. Hot/cold subs, soups, salads. $ K TO B L D Daily THE ROADHOUSE, 231 Blanding Blvd., 264-0611. F Wings, sandwiches, burgers, quesadillas; 35+ years. Pool tables, darts, foosball, TVs. 75+ imported beers. $ FB L D Daily

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AL’S PIZZA, 635 A1A N., 543-1494. F BOJ winner. See Beaches. $ FB K TO L D Daily CLAUDE’S CHOCOLATES, 145 Hilden Rd., Ste. 122, 829-5790. Hand-crafted in the onsite factory, with premium Belgian chocolate, fruits, nuts and spices. Cookies and popsicles. Claude’s will ship your order. $$ TO LARRY’S GIANT SUBS, 830 A1A N., Ste. 6, 273-3993. F See Orange Park. $ K TO B L D Daily RESTAURANT MEDURE, 818 A1A N., 543-3797. Chef David Medure creates with a wide range of global flavors. The lounge offers small plates, creative drinks and entertainment, including happy hour twice daily. $$$ FB D Mon.-Sat.

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34 | | MAY 7-13, 2014

AL’S PIZZA, 1620 Margaret St., Ste. 201, 388-8384. F BOJ winner. See Beaches. $ FB K TO L D Daily BLACK SHEEP RESTAURANT, 1534 Oak St., 355-3793. BOJ winner. New American favorites with a Southern twist, made with locally sourced ingredients. Awesome rooftop bar. $$$ FB R Sat. & Sun.; L D Daily BOLD BEAN COFFEE ROASTERS, 869 Stockton St., Stes. 1-2, 855-1181. F BOJ winner. Small-batch, artisanal coffee roasting. Organic, fair trade. $ BW TO B L Daily CORNER TACO, 818 Post St., 240-0412. Made-from-scratch “semi-swanky street food,” tacos, nachos, gluten-free and vegetarian options. $ BW L D Tue.-Sun. DICK’S WINGS & GRILL, 5972 San Juan Ave., Westside, 693-9258. BOJ winner. See Northside. $ FB K TO L D Daily GRASSROOTS NATURAL MARKET, 2007 Park St., 384-4474.

F BOJ. Juice bar has certified organic fruit, vegetables. Artisanal cheese, 300+ craft/import beer, organic wines, produce, meats, wraps, raw, vegan. $ BW TO B L D Daily HAWKERS, 1001 Park St., 508-0342. The new spot is based on Asian street vendors. A collection of hawker recipes is served under one roof. $ BW TO L D Daily LARRY’S GIANT SUBS, 1509 Margaret St., 674-2794. 7895 Normandy Blvd., 781-7600. 5733 Roosevelt Blvd., Westside, 446-9500. 8102 Blanding Blvd., Westside, 779-1933. F See Orange Park. $ K TO B L D Daily METRO DINER, 4495 Roosevelt Blvd., Ortega, 999-4600. F BOJ winner. See San Marco. $$ R B L Daily MOON RIVER PIZZA, 1176 Edgewood Ave. S., 389-4442. F BOJ winner. See Amelia Island. $ BW TO L D Mon.-Sat. THE MOSSFIRE GRILL, 1537 Margaret St., 355-4434. F Southwestern dishes like fresh fish tacos and chicken enchiladas are popular. Happy hour runs Mon.-Sat. in the upstairs lounge, and all day Sun. $$ FB K L D Daily O’BROTHERS IRISH PUB, 1521 Margaret St., 854-9300. F Traditional Irish fare like shepherd’s pie with Stilton crust, Guinness mac-n-cheese and fish-n-chips. Outdoor patio dining is available. $$ FB K TO L D Daily SUN-RAY CINEMA, 1028 Park St., 359-0049. F Beer (Bold City, Intuition Ale Works), wine, pizza, hot dogs, hummus, sandwiches, popcorn, nachos, brownies. $$ BW Daily


AL’S PIZZA, 1 St. George St., 824-4383. F BOJ winner. See Beaches. $ FB K TO L D Daily AVILES RESTAURANT & LOUNGE, 32 Avenida Menendez, 829-2277. F Hilton Bayfront Hotel. Progressive Europeanflavored menu; made-to-order pasta night, wine dinners, chophouse nights, deluxe breakfast buffet. Sun. champagne brunch bottomless mimosas. Free valet. $$$ FB K B L D Daily CANDLELIGHT SOUTH, 1 Anastasia Blvd., 819-0588. F Brand-new on the island, the casual restaurant originally in Scarsdale, N.Y., offers fish tacos, sandwiches, wings, desserts and sangria. Daily specials. $ BW K TO L D Daily CARMELO’S MARKETPLACE & PIZZERIA, 146 King St., 494-6658. F New York-style brick-oven-baked pizza, fresh sub rolls, Boar’s Head meats, cheeses, garlic herb wings. Outdoor seating, Wi-Fi. $$ BW TO L D Daily CLAUDE’S CHOCOLATES, 6 Granada St., 829-5790. Inside The Market. Wine and chocolate pairings, soft-serve ice cream, a coffee bar, fresh fruit ice pops, cookies. $$ TO CRUISERS GRILL, 3 St. George St., 824-6993. F BOJ winner. See Beaches. $ BW K L D Daily DICK’S WINGS & GRILL, 4010 U.S. 1 S., 547-2669. BOJ winner. See Northside. $ FB K TO L D Daily THE FLORIDIAN, 39 Cordova St., 829-0655. Updated Southern fare: fresh, local ingredients from area farms. Vegetarian, gluten-free, too. Fried green tomato bruschetta, grits with shrimp, fish or tofu. $$$ BW K TO L D Wed.-Mon. GYPSY CAB COMPANY, 828 Anastasia Blvd., Anastasia Island, 824-8244. F A mainstay for a quarter-century, Gypsy’s menu changes twice daily. Signature dish is Gypsy chicken. Seafood, tofu, duck, veal. $$ FB R Sun.; L D Daily HARRY’S SEAFOOD BAR & GRILLE, 46 Avenida Menendez, 824-7765. F New Orleans-style. Cajun, Creole, Southern flavors with a modern twist: fresh seafood, steaks, pork, jambalaya, shrimp. Daily happy hour. $$ FB K TO L D Daily LA NOPALERA MEXICAN RESTAURANT, 155 Hampton Point Dr., 230-7879. F See Mandarin. $$ FB K TO L D Daily MELLOW MUSHROOM PIZZA BAKERS, 410 Anastasia Blvd., 826-4040. F Bite Club certified. BOJ winner. See Beaches. $ BW K TO L D Daily MOJO OLD CITY BBQ, 5 Cordova St., 342-5264. F BOJ winner. See Beaches. $$ FB K TO L D Daily PACIFIC ASIAN BISTRO, 159 Palencia Village Dr., Ste. 111, 808-1818. F BOJ winner. Chef Mas Lui creates 30+ unique sushi rolls; fresh sea scallops, Hawaiian-style poke tuna salad. $$-$$$ BW L D Daily TEMPO, 16 Cathedral Place, 547-0240. Newish fusion place specializes in healthful American fare with a Latin flair. $$ BW TO L D Tue.-Sun.


MOXIE KITCHEN + COCKTAILS, 4972 Big Island Dr., 998-9744. Chef Tom Gray’s place features innovative

CRUISERS GRILL, 5613 San Jose Blvd., Ste. 1, 737-2874. BOJ winner. See Beaches. $ BW K L D Daily DICK’S WINGS & GRILL, 1610 University Blvd. W., 448-2110. BOJ winner. See Northside. $ FB K TO L D Daily FUSION SUSHI, 1550 University Blvd. W., 636-8688. F Upscale sushi spot serves fresh sushi, sashimi, hibachi, teriyaki, kiatsu. $$ K L D Daily MOJO BAR-B-QUE, 1607 University Blvd. W., 732-7200. F BOJ winner. See Beaches. $$ FB K TO B L D Daily


BASIL THAI & SUSHI, 1004 Hendricks Ave., 674-0190. F Pad Thai, curries, sushi, served in a relaxing environment. Dine indoors or on the patio. $$ FB L D Mon.-Sat. THE GROTTO WINE & TAPAS BAR, 2012 San Marco Blvd., 398-0726. F Varied tapas menu of artisanal cheese plates, empanadas, bruschettas, homestyle cheesecake. 60+ wines by the glass. $$$ BW Tue.-Sun. LA NOPALERA MEXICAN RESTAURANT, 1631 Hendricks Ave., 399-1768. F See Mandarin. $$ FB K TO L D Daily MATTHEW’S, 2107 Hendricks Ave., 396-9922. Matthew Medure’s flagship. Fine dining, European-style atmosphere. Artfully presented cuisine, small plates, extensive martini/ wine lists. Reservations. $$$$ FB D Mon.-Sat. METRO DINER, 3302 Hendricks Ave., 398-3701. F BOJ winner. Original upscale diner in a historic 1930s-era building. Meatloaf, chicken pot pie, homemade soups. $$ B R L Daily PIZZA PALACE 1959 San Marco Blvd., 399-8815. F See Baymeadows. $$ BW TO L D Daily


360° GRILLE, LATITUDE 30, 10370 Philips Hwy., 3655555. F Seafood, steaks, burgers, chicken, sandwiches, pizza. Dine inside, on patio. $$ FB TO L D Daily ALHAMBRA THEATRE & DINING, 12000 Beach Blvd., 641-1212. Longest-running dinner theater. Executive Chef DeJuan Roy’s menus coordinated with stage productions. Reservations suggested. $$ FB D Tue.-Sun. CASA MARIA, 14965 Old St. Augustine Rd., 619-8186. F See Beaches. $ FB K L D Daily DICK’S WINGS & GRILL, 10750 Atlantic Blvd., 619-0954. BOJ winner. See Northside. $ FB K TO L D Daily THE DIM SUM ROOM, 9041 Southside Blvd., Ste. 138D, 363-9888. Dim sum favorites: shrimp dumplings, beef tripe, sesame ball; plus traditional Hong Kong noodles and barbecue. $ FB K L D Daily. LARRY’S GIANT SUBS, 3611 St. Johns Bluff S., 641-6499. 4479 Deerwood Lake Pkwy., 425-4060. F See Orange Park. BOJ winner. $ K TO B L D Daily MANGIA! ITALIAN BISTRO & BAR, 3210 St. Johns Bluff Rd. S., 551-3061. F Chef/owner Tonino DiBella offers fine dining – fresh seafood, veal, steaks, New York-style pizza, desserts. Happy hour Mon.-Sat. Patio. $$$ FB K TO L D Mon.-Sat. MELLOW MUSHROOM PIZZA BAKERS, 9734 Deer Lake Ct., Ste. 1, 997-1955. F See Beaches. Bite Club certified. BOJ winner. $ BW K TO L D Daily SEVEN BRIDGES GRILLE & BREWERY, 9735 Gate Pkwy. N., 997-1999. F Local seafood, steaks, pizzas. Brewer Aaron Nesbit handcrafts award-winning freshly brewed ales and lagers. Inside, outdoors. $$ FB K TO L D Daily TAVERNA YAMAS, 9753 Deer Lake Court, 854-0426. F Bite Club certified. BOJ winner. Char-broiled kabobs, seafood, wines, desserts. Belly dancing. $$ FB K L D Daily WATAMI BUFFET, 9041 Southside Blvd., Ste. 138D, 363-9888. All-you can-eat sushi, plus choice of two items from teppanyaki grill. $ FB K L D Daily. WORLD OF BEER, 9700 Deer Lake Court, Ste. 1, 551-5929. F Apps and bar food: German pretzels, hummus, pickle chips, flatbreads. Craft drafts from Germany, Cali, Florida (Bold City brews), Ireland, Belgium. $$ BW L D Daily


DICK’S WINGS & GRILL, 12400 Yellow Bluff Rd., Ste. 101, 619-9828. F BOJ winner. NASCAR-themed spot has 365 kinds of wings, half-pound burgers, ribs. $ FB K TO L D Daily HOLA MEXICAN RESTAURANT, 1001 N. Main, 356-3100. F Fresh Mexican fare: fajitas, burritos, enchiladas, daily specials. Happy hour daily; sangria. $ BW K TO L D Mon.-Sat. LARRY’S GIANT SUBS, 12001 Lem Turner, 764-9999. See Orange Park. $ K TO B L D Daily SAVANNAH BISTRO, 14670 Duval Rd., 741-4404. F Low Country Southern fare, taste of Mediterranean and French. Crowne Plaza Airport. Crab cakes, New York strip, she crab soup, mahi mahi. Rainforest Lounge. $$$ FB K B L D Daily.


THE DIVINE WOW, KILLING WOLVES & EVIL TWINS ARIES (March 21-April 19): Bright, colorful, noisy fireworks displays excite the eyes and ears and lift the spirit, but the smoke and dust produced can harm our lungs with heavy metal residue. Toxic chemicals released may pollute streams, lakes and groundwater. What’s an alternative? Nothing. No one’s offered a benign firework variety. If one is invented, it’ll be by an enterprising Aries researcher. The tribe enters a phase when you’ll have good ideas on how to make risky fun safer, ensure vigorous adventures are healthy and maintain constructive relationships with exciting infl uences. TAURUS (April 20-May 20): Free jazz emerged in the 1950s as a rebellion against jazz conventions. Its meter is fluid, its harmonies unfamiliar, sometimes atonal. Song structures may be experimental and unpredictable. A key element in free jazz is collective improvisation – riffing done not just by a featured soloist, but by a whole group of musicians playing together. To prepare for adventures in the days ahead – which will resemble free jazz – listen to its pioneers: Ornette Coleman, Charles Mingus and Sun Ra. Don’t fall prey to scapabobididdilywiddilydoobapaphobia, a fear of freestyle jazz. GEMINI (May 21-June 20): Apple and Exxon are the most valuable companies in America. In third place, worth more than $350 billion, is Google. Back in 1999, when the future Internet giant was less than a year old, Google’s founders Sergey Brin and Larry Page tried to sell their baby for a mere million bucks. The potential buyer was Excite, an online service thriving at the time. Excite’s CEO turned down the offer, leaving Brin and Page to go forward on their own. Lucky, right? Today they’re rich and powerful. I foresee the possibility of a comparable development in your life. An apparent “failure” may, in hindsight, turn out to be the seed of future success. CANCER (June 21-July 22): “You can’t have your cake and eat it, too” is an Englishlanguage proverb. It means you’ll no longer have any cake if you eat it all up. The Albanian version of the adage is “You can’t go for a swim without getting wet.” Hungarians say, “It’s impossible to ride two horses with one butt.” According to my analysis, you soon disprove this folk wisdom. You will, in effect, be able to eat cake and still have it. You somehow stay dry as you take a dip. You figure out how to ride two horses with one butt. LEO (July 23-Aug. 22): I know this might come as a shock, but … ready? … you are God! At least godlike. An influx of crazy yet useful magic from the Divine Wow is boosting your power way over normal levels. There’s so much primal mojo flowing through you, it’s hard if not impossible to screw up. Don’t fret. Your stint as Wild Sublime Golden Master of Reality may not last more than two weeks, three tops. Not long enough to turn into a raving megalomaniac with 10,000 cult followers. VIRGO (Aug. 23-Sept. 22): In your imagination, take a trip many years into the future. See yourself as you are now, sitting beside the wise elder you will be. You’re lounging on a beach, gazing at a lake. It’s twilight. A warm breeze feels good. You turn to your older self and say, “Any regrets? Is there anything you wish you’d done but didn’t?” Your older self tells you what that thing is. (Hear it now.) And you reply, “Tomorrow I’ll start work to change all that.”

LIBRA (Sept. 23-Oct. 22): Over 100 years ago, the cattle industry pressured the U.S. government to kill wolves in Yellowstone National Park. By 1926, wolves had nearly vanished. In the ensuing decades, elk herds grew unnaturally big, not hunted by their natural predator. The elk decimated Yellowstone’s berry bushes, eating the wild fruit with such voracity, grizzly bears and other species went hungry. In 1995, environmentalists and conservationists got clearance to re-introduce wolves to the area. Berry bushes are flourishing again. Grizzlies are thriving, as are other deprived mammals. This tale is an allegory for your life in the months ahead. Time to do the equivalent of replenishing a wolf pack. Correct the imbalance. SCORPIO (Oct. 23-Nov. 21): Listen closely to the voices in your head. Though there may be weird counsel from some, it’s also possible one of those voices might offer sparkling insights. As for the voices sending from your lower regions, around your reproductive organs: Hear them out, too. Be most attentive and receptive to the voices in your heart. They’re not infallible, but they contain a higher percentage of useful truth than the others. SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22-Dec. 21): Kangaroo rats are at home in the desert, having evolved over millennia to thrive in arid conditions. They’re so well-adapted, they can go a very long time without drinking water. It’s admirable to have achieved such a high level of environmental accommodation, but don’t do anything like it. Don’t adjust to the harsher aspects of your environment. Now’s a good time to start planning an alternate solution. CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19): “Those who control their passions do so because their passions are weak enough to be controlled,” said writer William Blake. Challenge this theory in the weeks ahead. Your passions will surely not be weak. They may verge on being volcanic. You’ll manage them fairly well and express them with grace and power rather than let them overwhelm and cause a messy ruckus. No need to tamp them down and bottle them up; you find a way to be uninhibited and disciplined as they get to play.

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AQUARIUS (Jan. 20-Feb. 18): Spend quality time having non-goal-oriented fun. Lounge around in fantasyland as you empty your beautiful head of compulsions to prove yourself and meet others’ expectations. Take off the mask stuck to your face and make funny faces in the mirror. You need two or three nice long naps, gorgeous. Bake some damn cookies, even if you never have. Soak your feet in Epsom salts as you binge-watch a TV show stimulating 1,000 emotions. Lie in the grass and stare lovingly at the sky to recharge your spiritual batteries. PISCES (Feb. 19-March 20): Your evil twins asked me to speak to you on their behalf. They sincerely apologize for any and all misunderstandings that may have arisen from their truly innocent desire to show you what you were missing. Their intent was not at all hostile or subversive. They simply wanted to fill in some gaps in your education. OK? Next your evil twins want to humbly request that you no longer refer to them as “Evil Twin,” but instead pick a more affectionate name, like, say “Sweet Mess” or “Tough Lover.” If you promise to treat them with more geniality, they will guarantee to quit being so tricky and enigmatic all the time. Rob Brezsny

MAY 7-13, 2014 | | 35


“Whoever said, ‘Money can't buy you friends’ clearly hasn't been on the Internet recently,” wrote The New York Times in April, pointing to various social media support services that create online superstars by augmenting one’s Facebook “friends,” Twitter “followers” and Instagram “likes.” The reporter described how, by paying a company $5, for example, he immediately acquired 4,000 “friends,” and had he splurged for $3,700, could have had a million on his Instagram photo account. Such services have been around for two years, but earlier, cruder versions (sometimes, just unmonitored email addresses) are now sophisticated “bots” — groups of computer code created on algorithm farms in India and elsewhere — that “behave” on social media with original messaging (often “drivel,” wrote the Times) as if they were real people.


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In April, Haagen-Dazs announced two new ice creams (in Japan): carrot orange (with pulp and peel bits) and tomato cherry (from tomato paste). A South Wales ice cream maker (“Lick Me I’m Delicious”) announced in April it’s perfected an ice cream containing about 25mg of at 260-9770. Viagra per scoop (not yet generally available).

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Arley, Warwickshire, England, in a March story demonstrating her skin condition in which writing words on her skin makes it puff up for about an hour before receding. It’s referred to by doctors as the “Etch A Sketch condition” (formally, dermatographia), and despite occasional pain, she described it as “cool” and a “party trick.”


Cornell University graduate student Michael Smith, disappointed at the paucity of research on the pain of honeybee stings, decided to evaluate stings himself (but in line with the Helsinki Declaration of 1975 on safe selfexperimentation). Smith’s protocols required five stings a day on various body sites for 38 days — at least three on each of 25 body areas. The worst, according to his pain index, were the nostril (9.0) and the upper lip (8.7).


North Carolina’s Wake Forest Institute for Regenerative Medicine is already well known to NOTW readers for creating functional organs in the lab (most notably, growing a human bladder and a rabbit’s penis). In an April article in the Lancet, the program announced it had implanted artificial vaginas in four women in the U.S. A functioning vagina, the director told BBC News, “is a very important thing.”

RUN DATE: 050715 In January, London’s Daily Telegraph found three THE EYES HAVE IT




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Owner Christian Ingber opened a sandwich shop in Gothenburg, Sweden, called “A Fucking Awesome Sandwich.” An American expatriate told Stockholm’s The Local that Swedes think English “curse words” are “cute and charming.”


China’s Chengdu Commercial Daily reported in March that Liu Yougang, 23, had surgery to remove a whistle he’d swallowed when he was 9. He’d been having worsened breathing — and made “shrill whistle sounds” when asleep.


London’s Daily Star featured Sarah Beal, 43, of

36 | | MAY 7-13, 2014

While Medicare is still among the most costly federal services, and U.S. doctors continue to drop out of the program because of paltry fees for some procedures, other specialists are rewarded with such outsized compensation that almost 4,000 physicians were paid $1 million or more for 2012, and about 350 of those accounted for nearly $1.5 billion, according to Medicare records released in April 2014. West Palm Beach ophthalmologist Salomon Melgen took in more than $20 million and treated 645 Medicare patients with a total of 37,000 injectable doses of Lucentis (a much more expensive drug than the popularly regarded equivalent, Avastin), according to Business Insider. Taxpayers could have saved more than $11 million with Avastin on Melgen’s billings alone, according to an April Washington Post analysis. Chuck Shepherd



HOT BUTCH GIRL Hey, black Incahoots cut-off shirt, name R_, #27 on back. Buff arms, legs; couldn’t take my eyes off u on rowing machine! You can row my boat anytime! ;-) Sincerely, Hot brunette femme, hot pink tank top. When: May 3. Where: Riverside YMCA. #1358-0507

MUDVILLE GRILLE TRIVIA NIGHT You: At bar, waiting for (first?) date. My buddy and I were woefully undermanned for trivia; you jumped in to help! Me: Blue-shirted guy with onion ring fetish. I like how we connected; you were busy when your date came. Did it work out? :-) Where: Mudville Trivia. When: April 4. #1350-0423

MEET FOR BREAKFAST AGAIN? You: Detective, JSO Organized Crime Unit, PDDS Division. Me: Work from home for IT company. We sat beside each other at breakfast. Chatted; hoped you’d ask me out; you didn’t. Single? Meet for breakfast again? Get in touch. When: May 3. Where: U.S. 17 Waffle House. #1357-0507

I SAW MY FUTURE ISU hanging at a friend’s. Looking into your eyes, there was something about you; you felt it, too. You: Blue jeans, black top; I remember smile most. Your voice was a sign from heaven; my angel was there for me to love. When: 2011. Where: Captiva Bluff. #1349-0416

CUTIE WITH TEA & HOOKAH Amsterdam, Tuesday 9-11 p.m. You: Zip-up hoodie, alone. We made eye contact. Me: Black dress. I went to bathroom; my friend said you’d leave number. So excited; you left suddenly without saying anything, before I said hey. Went outside, you were gone! Meet again? :) When: March 30. Where: Amsterdam Hookah Lounge. #1356-0507 HOT BRUNETTE, COLORFUL TOP, WHITE SHORTS You: Gorgeous brunette at Salty Pelican Saturday night; with a friend. We shared a moment; we both felt it. Hope you read this, hope to hear back. You’re one in a million – beautiful green-eyed brunette. When: April 26. Where: Salty Pelican, Fernandina. #1355-0507 BEAUTIFUL POKER PLAYER @ PLAYERS ISU after poker Wednesday night, Players Grill, with redheaded friend. Your beautiful blonde hair caught my eye. You: White top. Me: Black blue-striped golf shirt, admired you from the bar. You hugged girls; I want one of those hugs! When: April 23. Where: Players Grill. #1354-0430


DAD NEEDS CUSTOMER SERVICE Came in with daughter; you helped her find a skirt. Help me find a way to your heart? You: Short blonde hair, folding shirts, men’s section. Me: Salt & pepper, gray in beard, love to jog, hope things work out for us ;-). When: March 28. Where: Forever 21 Avenues. #1348-0416 PUBLIX SMILE & WAVE BLONDE BEAUTY Atlantic & Hodges Publix. You: Pretty blonde, blue eyes, blue workout clothes. Me: 6 feet tall, blue eyes, blue shirt. Eyes met on opposite lines. Almost sprained my neck. You smiled, waved, left. Should’ve run after. Both seasoned. Don’t get many chances for connection, desire I felt. Take a chance. When: April 3. Where: Publix Atlantic/Hodges. #1347-0409 ATLANTIC BLVD. CHOPPER HOTTIE W/ VA TAGS You: Harley jacket, copper Chopper westbound with buddy. Blowing me kisses. Me: Pink hair, tattoos, gray Chevy Cobalt. Come see me at Regis salon in Town Center so I can catch some of those kisses. When: April 3. Where: Atlantic Boulevard. #1346-0409 DONOVAN’S IRISH PUB You: Alone at bar, ball cap, having dinner, talked football with others. Me: Blonde, pink shirt across bar with friend. Made eye contact; I felt attraction across the room. Wish I had your name; didn’t want to be rude to friend. Asked bartender if you were a regular; sadly, didn’t know. Hope you see this. When: March 30. Where: Donovan’s. #1345-0409


YOU HELD DOOR OPEN FOR ME ... To go in. Me: Tall brunette, blue shirt. You: Brown hair, beautiful eyes, burgundy shirt/ jeans, black Chevy SUV or Escalade. I think you went in Walmart after I did. I looked for you; love to meet again. When: April 21. Where: Walmart Gas Station Philips Hwy. #1353-0430

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ISU LOOKING AT ISU! At Mandarin Library; reading the back of Folio Weekly, laughing. Assumed it was ISU. You: Cute brunette, wonderful laugh. Me: Tall muscular brunette, checking DVDs out. Love to know the person behind the laughter. Where: Mandarin Library. When: April 16. #1352-0423


POOLyour BOY & FORMER POOL GIRL We were parked next For questions, please call advertising representative at 260-9770. to each other. You weren’t satisfied with the car wash. I FAX PROOF IFI should POSSIBLE AT 268-3655 borrowed your YOUR vacuum. Loved your tattoo. have ...

SO WAS IT THE ALTERNATOR? You: Inadvertently at my moving sale, Atlantic Beach, Sunday a.m., working on buddy’s wife’s Jeep. You looked sexy underASK the hood SUPPORT FOR working with your hands; my morning was more exciting! Bummed you never returned. Take me for a ride in your Altima before it sells? I’ll handle the heat! Where: Eakin & Sneed Law Firm, AB. When: April 13. #1351-0423

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contact briefly. I feel like a fool for not asking for your number. Describe me and let’s start the revolution. When: March 19. Where: Papa John’s. #1343-0326

ATTENTION, HOPEFUL ISU WRITERS: The limit for these notices is 40 words. After Folio Weekly’s May 14 issue, all ISU submissions with more than 40 words will be disallowed. Please keep messages short & sweet: 40 words or fewer! Thanks!






olio Weekly Bite Club host Caron Streibich welcomed 30 dinner guests, who were treated to Chef Brian Shreve’s warm welcome and delicious cooking at Neptune Beach’s Mezza Restaurant & Bar. After gobbling up a well-plated steak tartare adorned with a stack of housemade potato chips and whipped dijon mousse, guests moved on to a colorful golden and red beet salad atop arugula, blood orange segments, goat cheese and toasted pumpkin seeds. The main course was a favorite among the diners — seared ahi tuna with a purée of fennel, salsify and Brussels sprout leaves. For dessert, the airy homemade three-cheese cheesecake with generous drizzle of blueberry sauce was a hit. Each course was complimented with a wine pairing. Visit to see the Mezza Bite Club video. Photos by Dennis Ho


1. Dahlia Hosten and Denielle Hosten 2. Donnie Jarrett, Eli Ramirez, Ibian Martinez and Analisa Kobelt 3. Chef Brian Shreve and Niall Falloon 4. Janet Foster and Katie Marple 5. Mike Field, Kipin Alexander and Caron Streibich

MAY 7-13, 2014 | | 37

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CHRISTIAN IN THE ATHEIST BELT Believers can be discriminated against, too, you know


read John E. Citrone’s well-written “Godless in the Bible Belt” [Cover Story, April 23] with a great deal of sympathy. It is not easy to hold views that you think most of those around you oppose, or to have people in authority disparage your beliefs — much less those of your child. It’s outrageous to think that some states had laws against atheists holding office. If those statutes are still on the books, I cannot imagine that they wouldn’t be tossed out by the Supreme Court if challenged — as they certainly should be. (Want to start a petition? I’m game.) Like Mr. Citrone, I oppose all religious discrimination, which includes discrimination against atheists. I also oppose the teaching of dubious science in schools (as, incidentally, do most mainstream churches, which have joined lawsuits opposing the teaching of creationism as a scientific theory). The article brought to mind some of my own experiences with religious prejudice, which differ from Mr. Citrone’s in one minor aspect — most of the discrimination I’ve seen was done by atheists instead of to them. (Let me clarify here that by “atheist,” I do not mean simple unbelief, but rather that variety which believes religion to be harmful.) Since I am an academic, I have noticed such discrimination most often in universities. (Not the one I work for now; please don’t fire me.) On one occasion, the faculty talked openly about not hiring the front-running candidate because she let slip — at a party — that she was a Christian. On another occasion, when I proposed setting up a course on psychology and religion (a topic with an enormous body of empirical research), a special university commission was appointed to investigate. The members admitted that no such commission had ever been appointed for any other proposed course (and had the grace to look embarrassed). So far as I know, no other proposed class was ever subjected to such scrutiny again. As an undergraduate, I had a number of professors who made anti-Christian and pro-atheist remarks in class. Indeed, research shows that vocal undergraduate Christians may face

discrimination by faculty. Mr. Citrone was especially concerned about misinformation taught in schools. So am I. Among many counterfactual narratives, I have found three to be routinely taught. (A lot of what we “know” just ain’t so.) As an undergraduate, I was taught that religion is psychologically harmful, and associated with pathology. In high school and even middle school, I was taught that religion suppressed classical learning to make the Dark Ages dim and ferociously fought the Scientific Revolution. Also, I was taught Christianity was responsible for most of “the horrors of history,” such as slavery and the mistreatment of native populations, and that Europeans gave the natives religion to make them docile. Actually, considerable evidence exists that each of those canards has it almost exactly backwards.

and he continued to publish.) The case was not taken as a warning by other astronomers of the time, who didn’t stop their research. Though the isolated Galileo incident is often cited, the systematic suppression of entire lines of scientific inquiry by the antireligious Nazi and Soviet regimes is rarely mentioned. It would disrupt the Church-versus-science story. Mr. Citrone’s article says that, historically, atheists have not been treated kindly by the church. This has sometimes been true, and must be condemned by Christians. (So, too, the boneheaded remarks of Alabama Gov. Bentley, which were certainly not in the spirit of Christ.) But then, believers haven’t been treated kindly when atheists have been in power. When antireligious forces came to power in the French revolution’s Reign of Terror, Nazi Germany, Soviet Russia, Communist China and Pol Pot’s

Most of the discrimination I’ve seen was done by atheists, not to them. Active religious involvement is associated with superior mental health (also physical health and a number of other desirable characteristics). Christian institutions preserved classical writings after the barbarian invasions, and actively supported the Scientific Revolution. Such institutions opposed slavery and the mistreatment of native populations; the slavers tried to keep missionaries away from Africa and the Bible away from their “property.” (For good reason: Christians played a major role in the abolition of slavery.) Incidentally, most of the Enlightenment figures supported slavery, and some, like Voltaire, invested in the trade. The Galileo affair is often presented in classes as typical of religious interference with science. Actually, it was an aberration in many ways. (Galileo refused to clarify that he wasn’t speaking as a theologian, and he called the pope “Simplico” in a book; he wasn’t executed or tortured but rather kept under house arrest,

Cambodia, heads rolled and blood flowed. Today? The typical Christian today lives in a third-world country and is persecuted. In the United States, churches are often targets of arson, shootings and bombings. The popular media often presents Christians in an unfavorable light. (Do your own experiment. As you watch TV or movies, make a note each time a religious character appears, and put a plus sign if the character is presented favorably, or a minus sign if presented negatively. Look at the ratio.) How tolerant are atheist leaders? Well … Michael Onfray, “France’s high priest of militant atheism,” according to The Wall Street Journal, said that atheism “can no longer tolerate neutrality and benevolence” in its battle against religion. Atheist writer Sam Harris says people who take their children to church are guilty of a “ludicrous obscenity”; Richard Dawkins says those who believe in “god” are delusional and implies that teaching children

religion is worse than molesting them sexually (not claims that can be supported by research). Dawkins and Daniel Dennett have already made noises about preventing parents from raising their children as religious. Now, sure, it’s far better to elect an honest atheist than a hypocritical cynic claiming to be religious. But given the history of atheists in power, and the remarks of some leading atheists, you can see where voters might be a little skittish. Mr. Citrone believes religion is declining, and that it is a good thing. I am somewhat skeptical concerning the first point, as numbers and percentages have fluctuated wildly over the centuries; many secular trends announcing themselves as the Wave of the Future have quietly sloshed into the past. But, insofar as religion really is declining, the reasons may not be reassuring. Believers tend to be somewhat more educated than the general public, not less. Going through a scientific education does not reduce belief. Scientists are no less likely to be believers than the general public. It seems unlikely that education is responsible for any decline in religious involvement. So what is? One possibility is the greater number of broken families. Atheism is more common among children of divorce, those raised with much family strife, and children from abusive homes. It’s also possible that electronic distractions leave little time to contemplate the meaning of life. But it’s the second point which deserves more attention. Would it really be a good thing if regular churchgoing declined? Those who are religiously active tend to give more to charity and be more law-abiding than others; are we sure we want to be rid of them? They’re also less likely to believe in flying saucers, Big Foot, ghosts, etc.; is it possible the decline of religion would be marked by the rise of pseudoscience? A Gallup poll suggests that those who are very active in their religion are more tolerant of different viewpoints than the uninvolved or superficially involved. If more people drop out of church, it’s entirely possible intolerance may increase. Anti-Semitism increased in Germany as church attendance declined. Of course, some, like Mr. Citrone, might attribute anti-gay bias to Christian teachings. And it’s true that many who are opposed to gay rights cite the Bible. But they usually cite it incorrectly. Despite claims of angry letter-writers, no saying of Christ condemns homosexuality. Though Sodom stands for homosexuality in the popular mind, the prophet Ezekiel says the city was destroyed because the rich neglected the poor. People are not anti-gay because they read the Bible; they distort what the Bible says (if they read it at all) because they are anti-gay. Getting rid of religion would change the rationale but not the bias. None of this invalidates in any way Mr. Citrone’s concerns. On the contrary, it suggests that they need to be broadened to embrace those of other viewpoints. We should take greater care that the information given in our schools is fact-based and as viewpoint-balanced as possible. And we need to constantly guard against discrimination against those who hold different beliefs. Even if those beliefs are called religious. Drew Sappington

The author is a psychologist and academic, and the author of Hidden History of St. Augustine.

Folio Weekly welcomes Backpage Editorial submissions. Essays should be no more than 1,200 words and on a topic of local interest or concern. Email your Backpage to Opinions expressed on the Backpage are those of the author and do not necessarily reflect those of the editors or management of Folio Weekly.

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