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THIS WEEK // 04.01-07.15 // VOL.29 ISSUE1 COVER STORY



FOLIO WEEKLY’s guide to the dreamers, hackers, artists, hipsters, bleeding hearts, musicians, nerds, crypto-libertarians, whackos and freaks scratching their entrepreneurial itch at THE WORLD’S LARGEST CROWDFUNDING FESTIVAL.




BY DEREK KINNER The world mourns the loss of MOLLY HATCHET drummer and Jacksonville music legend BRUCE CRUMP

BY DANIEL A. BROWN “IT FOLLOWS” is a genuinely creepy film that flips the script on teen horror movies




BY KARA POUND Local Americana ensemble CANARY IN THE COALMINE release their debut album



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Bobby Pendexter /

PUBLISHER • Sam Taylor / 904.260.9770 ext. 111


EDITOR • Matthew B. Shaw / ext. 115 SENIOR EDITOR • Marlene Dryden / ext. 131 A&E EDITOR • Daniel A. Brown / ext. 128 WRITERS-AT-LARGE Susan Cooper Eastman Derek Kinner CARTOONIST • Tom Tomorrow CONTRIBUTING WRITERS Rob Brezsny, John E. Citrone, Julie Delegal, AG Gancarski, Dan Hudak, Shelton Hull, MaryAnn Johanson, Pat McLeod, Nick McGregor, Cameron Meier, Jeff Meyers, Kara Pound, Scott Renshaw, Chuck Shepherd VIDEOGRAPHERS • Doug Lewis, Ron Perry INTERNS • Jessica Gilpin, Darby Moore


ART DIRECTOR • Chaz Bäck / ext. 116 SENIOR GRAPHIC DESIGNER • Dana Fasano / ext. 117 PHOTO EDITOR/GRAPHIC DESIGNER • Dennis Ho / ext. 122 DESIGN INTERN • Samantha Sotter / ext. 117


BUSINESS MANAGER • Amanda Engebretsen / ext. 119 VICE PRESIDENT • T. Farrar Martin

PUBLISHER Sam Taylor / ext. 111 SENIOR ACCOUNT MANAGERS Kathrin Lancelle ext. 124 • Downtown, Riverside, Northside, San Marco CJ Allen ext. 120 • Beaches, Ponte Vedra Beach, Amelia Island ACCOUNT MANAGER / SPECIAL EVENTS MANAGER Ro Espinosa ext. 129 • Southside, Avondale, Arlington ACCOUNT MANAGERS Csaba Farago ext. 125 • St. Augustine, Intracoastal West Anieca Turner ext. 130 • Mandarin, Orange Park DO JAX ACCOUNT MANAGER Mariana Dimla FOLIO WEEKLY IS PUBLISHED EVERY WEDNESDAY THROUGHOUT NORTHEAST FLORIDA. It contains opinions of contributing writers that are not necessarily the opinion of this publication. Folio Weekly welcomes both editorial and photographic contributions. Calendar information must be received two weeks in advance of event date. Copyright © Folio Publishing, Inc. 2015. All rights reserved. Advertising rates and information are available on request. An advertiser purchases right of publication only. One free issue copy per person. Additional copies and back issues are $1 each at the office or $4 by U.S. mail, based on availability. First Class mail subscriptions are $48 for 13 weeks, $96 for 26 weeks and $189 for 52 weeks. Please recycle Folio Weekly. Folio Weekly is printed on recycled paper using soy-based inks. 27,000 press run. Audited weekly readership 97,085.

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LESS THAN TWO YEARS AGO, it was hard to imagine that in place of the Downtown’s per-usual tumbleweeds and shadowy voids, a couple thousand people might want to spend a day (or three) hobnobbing in the city center amongst creative types. But, during 2014’s One Spark event, roughly a quarter of a million humans did just that. Say what you will about the now-annual thing that happens downtown — and Folio Weekly’s writers have plenty to say in the pages that follow — Elton Rivas and company know how to bring people to the urban core. Regardless of how many people attend One Spark 2015, when the masses do descend upon Downtown Jacksonville in early April, to anyone paying attention, the city will look markedly different. The Haydon Burns Library is vacant no longer. A spruced-up Hemming Park buzzes nearly every afternoon. Pedestrians and cycling city councilmembers can safely cruise the Southbank Riverwalk. A fancy café/candy shop/ cocktail lounge occupies the once-vacant Seminole Club, while the Marble Bank Building, Laura Street Trio, and Bostwick Building are each in different phases of repurposing. Thanks to Downtown Investment Authority (DIA)’s loan program, five new businesses will soon occupy previously empty spaces (because beggars can’t be choosers, two are sandwich franchises), including the longtime-empty retail space below the 11E building. Without even broaching improvements to the surrounding neighborhoods of Brooklyn, Riverside, or Springfield, it’s clear Downtown has some forward momentum. Let’s not get ahead of ourselves, though. For a city-center, the completion of all of the above projects represents a floor, not a ceiling. To be sure, blighted buildings still dominate the cityscape. A majority of retail space (or potential retail space) sits unoccupied. Residential property values in the urban core remain inverted — so much so, the director of the DIA says it’s going to take a special kind of “urban pioneer” to invest there. And, while Hemming Park has plans to install it, there is currently no public wi-fi network Downtown, making Jacksonville one of the few big city centers in 2015 without high-speed, wireless Internet. A few weeks back, I had an interesting discussion with a friend who owns a small, techrelated business. As his business expands, the friend’s main problem continues to be recruitment. Competing not just with traditional talentmagnets like New York City and San Francisco, but with emerging Southeast tech-hotbeds like Austin, Charleston, and New Orleans, Jacksonville is consistently a hard sell for the young, welleducated, and diverse individuals sought by businesses like that of said friend. As a dedicated businessperson, the friend left no stone unturned in his attempts to remedy the situation, even taking his concerns to the Jax Chamber. There, he says, he was given the following advice on how to sell the city to potential employees: Tell them about cost of living. Ouch. The truth hurts. For now, when selling Jacksonville to a young person who may be considering living four-deep in a tiny apartment under the lights of New York City or amid the bustle of New Orleans, what else could you possibly say about Jacksonville? Are you going to tell them about Downtown Jax’s new Jimmy John’s sandwich shop? Will you treat them to a brisk

jaunt on the fancy new walking path? You wouldn’t want them using the Skyway to get the lay of the land. And you certainly wouldn’t want to lie and say #downtownisonfire — unless, of course, you’re reporting a smoldering urban inferno, in which case, in lieu of hashtags, dial 911. Jacksonville is in a tough spot. If you’ve lived here for any stretch of time, Downtown seems relatively exciting. Not so much from the outside looking in. Endless studies show a majority of Americans now wish to live in communities where they can walk to work, to shop, and to eat. From empty-nest-boomers to newly graduated millennials, Americans are choosing brownstones over white picket fences. Suburban sprawl is out; urban renewal is in. Cities from Flagstaff to Raleigh are investing in their urban centers, not only to placate the creative class, but because a strong central hub is more likely to attract the next generation of taxpayers. Even for those who never visit Downtown, a densely populated, economically thriving nucleus creates a tax base that can benefit everyone. The DIA knows all of this and uses similar justification for many of the Authority’s proposed initiatives. Still, without a pension deal, the city is virtually broke, and when it comes to revitalized downtowns, lots of other cities are way ahead of Jacksonville. All this is to say, with the progress that’s been made in the urban core, the importance of the next few months should not be oversold. One Spark’s festive atmosphere will undoubtedly shine a positive light on the improvements to Downtown, especially for those still unaware of said improvements. And, just as this mass of humanity arrives to reap the rewards of progress, a rare opportunity presents itself: There are elected offices still up for grabs, including eight city council seats, sheriff, and the top job — mayor. Choices made in the May 19 elections have the potential to advance or impede progress. And, while voting is a respectable start, a highly aware, progressminded bloc of voters would be ideal. So, whether you come for One Spark or to hang in Hemming Plaza or to eat a damn Jimmy John’s sandwich, I encourage you to make your way Downtown in the coming weeks. After you do, I urge you to become civically engaged. Find out who supports progress, economic and otherwise. Learn who is realistic about the sacrifices necessary to solve the pension crisis. It’s never been easier to be informed on candidates and issues. Check out the Jax Young Voter’s Coalition website ( Follow Folio Weekly’s own politico-columnist AG Gancarski on Twitter and read his election coverage on floridapolitics. com. Pick up a copy of the Times-Union. Read some back issues of Folio Weekly (folioweekly. com) — plug, plug. Befuddling enlightenments found on the pages of this publication include which council person saw the devil in a modern art museum, and which one sees the devil, well, everywhere. You’ll also be clued in to which candidates think everyone — regardless of sexual preference, or gender identity — should be given equal protection under the law (hint: neither of the current mayoral candidates). Again, find out who supports progress. I mean real progress. Then, of course … vote. Matthew B. Shaw twitter/matthew_b_shaw

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THE MAIL DEAR MR. BILLMAN, Just wanted to say how sorry I am that you are leaving Folio Weekly. Having just moved, with reluctance, to the Jacksonville area but upon discovering Folio Weekly and reading your columns, I became much more excited about living here. As a progressive, I have been astounded at the abundance of ignorance that abounds in this conservative part of the country. Your column was a bright light shining on the hope that maybe Jacksonville was moving forward and I might find a more progressive community. Needless to say, I am extremely disappointed that you are leaving the weekly. I hope your departure does not change the tone of the paper. I wish you the best of luck in your new venture and thank you for some very enjoyable reading. D. Cameron

WOY, JEFFREY C. BILLMAN’S NOT EVEN cold and dead in the ground yet (figuratively speaking) — but already you’re doing casual reviews [Bite Sized, March 18] about $225-apiece ($325-apiece including wine) meals! The review on “Salt” and its menu catering to “1%-ers” was revealing. Is this going to be the future of Folio Weekly? (If so, please give me hints as to which particular local employers pay hard-workers enough to throw that money around! Thank you.) David Nielsen If you would like to respond to something that appeared in the pages of Folio Weekly, please send an email (with your name, address and phone number for verification purposes only) to


FOLIO WEEKLY IS TURNING 28 and we can’t let go of our twenties. A lot has changed in Northeast Florida since 1987, but Folio Weekly is still kicking (to the chagrin of a few). But alas, progress always carries with it a hint of sadness. Remember THE MILK BAR? Remember EINSTEIN A-GO-GO? Does the number 618 ring a bell? How about the MOTO LOUNGE? Many of the cultural institutions we’ve loved over the years didn’t weather the storms of changing trends, plummeting economic circumstances, or the mass exodus of artists and creative types. Our April 8th issue will be a trip down memory lane and we want to know what places you really miss. Let the tears steam down on your keyboard as you pontificate nostalgically (but please keep your weepy salutations in the 50-75 word count range). Please e-mail your reverie-driven masterpieces to, or post them to our Facebook page. DEADLINE IS TUESDAY, APRIL 7.

BRICKBATS & BOUQUETS BRICKBATS TO FLORIDA DEPARTMENT OF JUVENILE JUSTICE A scathing report by the Marshall Project, in conjunction with Vice Media, found Florida to be the worst state for juvenile justice. Though things at DOJJ have improved under new leadership, among the report’s findings: Florida transfers more juveniles to adult court than any other state, and Florida holds more juveniles in adult facilities (all privately run) than any other state.

BOUQUETS TO FLORIDA SUPREME COURT The court made two key decisions in March regarding the state’s juvenile sentencing guidelines. Juvenile offenders in Florida can no longer be sent to prison for life if they haven’t killed someone, and those convicted of murder can no longer be sentenced to life-without-parole. The rulings bring Florida in line with recent U.S. Supreme Court decisions.



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BRICKBATS TO SMG WORLDWIDE They must have been suffering from severe mental illness during last month’s March Madness games at the Veterans Memorial Arena. SMG, which manages all of the city’s sports and entertainment facilities, mercilessly gouged attendees, charging $30 to park at the arena, when, unbeknownst to the city’s visitors, the sports complex’s periphery boasts endless free parking spaces. No word yet on what SMG will charge those arriving for June’s Country Superfest.

BOUQUETS TO NATURAL LIFE The Jacksonville clothing, gifts, and home décor company raised more than $35,000 through the Community First Natural Life Musical Festival in March and promptly cut a check to the Children’s Home Society of Florida’s Buckner Division.

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KNOW SOMEONE WHO DESERVES A BOUQUET? HOW ABOUT A PROVERBIAL BRICKBAT? Send your submissions to Submissions should be 50 words and directed towards a person, place, or topic of local interest.

APRIL 1-7, 2015 | | 7


A MODEST ROCK STAR The world mourns the loss of MOLLY HATCHET drummer and Jacksonville music legend “IT DIDN’T SUCK.”

That’s how original Molly Hatchet drummer Bruce Crump jokingly described playing in front of thousands and thousands of fans in a multitude of high-profile arenas in the U.S. and around the world at the height of the Jacksonville band’s fame in the late 1970s and 1980s. But in the last decade, Crump didn’t consider himself a rock star, his widow, Kristin Crump, said in an interview last week. “I was not married to a rock star,” Kristin says. “I was married to Bruce. He was just my husband; he was my best friend. He didn’t feel that way [a rock star] and, quite frankly, neither did I. It was history, his past, and that was it.” What sucks is that Crump died unexpectedly early on March 16. He was 57 He’d been fighting throat cancer since 2003, but despite the health issues and numerous associated medical procedures that took a toll on his physical health, he kept rocking on, even forming his own company to mentor up-and-coming drummers. Nothing stopped his love of playing drums with not one, but two local bands — White Rhino and China Sky. The cause of the death has been determined to be from complications from his 12-year battle with the cancer. Fans of the band White Rhino said he was struggling with what seemed to be a bad cold during their show the previous Saturday night, March 14, though he was playing as hard as ever and the band put on a great show. Family said he had been sick all week, but he insisted on driving five-and-a-half hours from a family vacation in Naples to Dick’s Wings & Grill on Jacksonville’s Northside to complete an obligation to the band. Husband-and-wife music photographers and videographers, Trevor and Eileen Bild, shared the last time they saw their friend. “Bruce came out from behind the drums — they were doing a sound check — right out to the edge of the stage, stuck his hand out to welcome me whole-heartedly, which he has always done,” Trevor Bild says. Bild says Crump was suffering from what seemed to be a terrible cold, but during a break told him that no matter how bad he felt, it all went away when he was sitting behind his drums. “I looked at him and said ‘passion.’ He looked at me with fire in his eyes, pointed at me, and said ‘Yes, it’s passion,’ ” Trevor Bild says. When Crump first saw that Eileen was there, he left her with one last memory she says she’ll never forget. “He smiled, perked up, then blew me a kiss,” Eileen Bild says. What also didn’t suck, Crump told me in an interview last September, was his family life. He said he was very happily married, had six great kids — four of his and two of Kristin’s — and couldn’t ask for more.

CRUMP JOINED MOLLY HATCHET AT 18, right 8 | | APRIL 1-7, 2015

out of high school. Rock and roll was always in his blood and he continued to carry on with his bands, playing with the same gusto he did when he joined the band that would go on to become worldfamous. Crump and his band members experienced the usual trials and tribulations of being rock stars — egos leading to members quitting, drug and alcohol excess — but almost all came back home. Crump split from the band in 1982 to seek more opportunities in California, then joined up with another rock outfit in Canada. But he came back in 1984 to rejoin Molly Hatchet and stayed with them until 1990, when the band decided to take a year off. What was supposed to be a year hiatus wound up being the end of Crump’s association with Molly Hatchet. Someone else bought the rights to the band and it continues, but with only one original member, founder Dave Hlubek, who sits in on only the occasional live show. Crump eventually moved to Virginia, but returned to Northeast Florida last June to join China Sky and White Rhino. China Sky, with Crump on the drums, released a new CD in February that’s been globally well-received, members say. Despite living in constant, agonizing pain since his cancer diagnosis and resulting surgeries and procedures, Crump rarely let on how he felt, friends and family say. Richard Dappa Smith, bassist and original member of China Sky, said most people would have hung it up after going through so much. Not Crump. “Unlike what a lot of other people might have done, he was involved in a successful recording project right up until the day he died,” Smith says. Crump had numerous surgeries and procedures to address cancer-related issues, including many in his last weeks of life, but still made his final show.

“I was not married to a ROCK STAR,” Kristin says. “I was married to BRUCE.”

KRISTIN CRUMP FIRST MET her future husband in 1987 during a Molly Hatchet concert, when she was 20 and attending Michigan State. She said she was first struck by his looks. Crump, while a fearsome drummer, had also become somewhat of a teen idol, his mug plastered across the pages

of several of the day’s hottest music mags. “He was just standing there in jeans and a sweater. I said to a friend, ‘Oh my God, that guy is so good-looking,’” Kristin Crump says. Her friend took it upon himself and approached Crump to introduce her, asking him what he thought about her. She says Crump replied, “She’s lovely.” They talked for a short while and then he said he had to go help the band, which is when she realized he was the drummer. Skip forward 23 years to 2010. Kristin never forgot Bruce Crump and a friend who was on Facebook looked him up. They found him; the friend asked online if Bruce remembered her. He said no, but asked Kristin to start her own Facebook page so they could chat. She did, and one thing led to another, including six-hour phone conversations. “We were totally, completely in love with each other before we saw each other again,” she says. “He was the funniest person and I am a funny person. We would laugh our asses off.” When they did meet face-to-face, the deal was sealed. She moved from Houston into Crump’s Virginia home, then eventually moved to St. Augustine to take care of Bruce’s mother and with promises of steady band work for Crump. The two married in July 2013 and were together for four years. Crump, though always suffering pain and other side effects of his cancer, immediately jumped back into the Northeast Florida music scene, playing with White Rhino and China Sky and recording. He also started his own drum school.

And despite divorces, he was a loyal father. “He was always there for us even when he wasn’t physically present in our life,” his oldest child, Jessica, 26, says. His son, Bradley, 23, who acquired a love of drums like his father’s when he was eight years old, said his father was his biggest mentor. “Our parents were divorced when we were very young, but he was always there for us,” Bradley says. “When I was about 13, he said things like, ‘holy shit.’ I was doing things he couldn’t do. But I still can’t play ‘Flirtin’ with Disaster’ like he did. I try, but just can’t get it down.” Crump also had two other sons, halfsiblings of Jessica and Bradley’s, Jaden, 13, and Kyle, 11.

NEWS OF CRUMP’S DEATH reverberated around the world. The UK’s Classic Rock Magazine ran an obituary. A fan from Finland posted on The Original Molly Hatchet Group’s page (which is administrated by Tom Nitzsche and formerly Crump and has well over 7,000 members): “Southern rock is popular in Finland. We mourn the loss of the hardest-rocking drummer in that genre, RIP Bruce Crump.” Back home, original Molly Hatchet founder Dave Hlubek, upon hearing news of Crump’s death, said Crump was “a tremendous person and talent who will never truly be appreciated and that he is loved and will be deeply missed.” Hlubek is one of only three su rviving members of the original six — the other two are bassist Banner Thomas and guitarist Steve Holland. Original lead singer Danny Joe Brown died in 2005; guitarist Duane Roland in 2006. When Thomas left the band in the early 1980s, Riff West took over on bass. He died in November. Crump’s recent bandmates say they have always been in awe of his drive despite the physical diversities he faced. One of his closest friends, guitarist and founder of White Rhino, Steve Wheeler, remembers Crump driving up from Naples the day of his last show, despite suffering all week from something family members thought might be the flu; a demonstration of his loyalty to his bandmates and the business. “That’s the kind of guy he was,” Wheeler says. “He was a joy to play with. The band can suck, but still sounds great because the drummer is great.” China Sky bassist Smith said that Bruce Crump, though humble and unaccepting of the role of rock star, made an impact on many people’s lives. “He didn’t stop. This is the legacy he leaves to most everybody. Bruce left a huge impact on people in and out of the music world.” Derek Kinner

The celebration of Bruce Crump’s Life and Legacy is held from 3-8 p.m. on Sunday, April 19, at Harmonious Monks, 320 First St. N., in Jax Beach. Kristin Crump, Jessica Crump, Joey McLain, Tim McGowan, Billy Nail and Steve APRIL 1-7, 2015 | | 9


GEORGE ZIMMERMAN IS BACK …And he’s learned nothing


haven’t written about George Zimmerman since January 2014, when he created a “painting” of our ridiculously high-profile State Attorney, Angela Corey. In that column, I riffed on the idea that Zimmerman would do a piece of art depicting Corey, dedicating a few hundred words to a description of the painting: “The primitivist rendering of the subject, the eyes frozen without soul, the Katherine Harris bangs, the gaudy necklace like a Kool Moe Dee gold chain; this painting lays it all bare like a chicken plucked and slaughtered.”

I went on to say the painting was “intended to establish a market price for anything with his imprimatur. A price for the celebrity that comes with shooting a teenage boy in cold blood, whom he stalked in the dead of night for entirely specious and whacked-out reasons.” Well, the painting shtick has come and gone for Poor Georgie, yet he’s still intent on flogging his narrative, and rehashing and reframing the one story in his life that has any meaning whatsoever; you know — the one about the time he killed Trayvon Martin and got away with it. He’s back at it again, this time in an “interview” with (since, apparently, Sean Hannity no longer returns the endomorphic slug’s calls). He’s been away for a while, though he’s popped up now and again — a speeding ticket here, a domestic violence rap there. But he’s still ready to play the blame game for a live mic. Everyone, he says, was trying to screw him over, from the Department of Justice to “Barack HUSSEIN Obama.” No one investigated “to see if [my] civil rights were violated” despite “credible threats” from “domestic terrorists.” Zimmerman, who killed a kid whose crime was walking home from a convenience store with Skittles, says he was failed by the judicial system when they dared to put him on trial. Luckily, he is a man of faith: “God does everything for a purpose and he has his plans and for me to question them would be hypocritical, even blasphemous.” Translation: Too blessed to be stressed! Well, not really — he’s clearly stressed as hell. He feels betrayed by the Congressional

Hispanic Caucus, which he somehow expected to champion his cause, but which instead sided with the Congressional Black Caucus, along with almost everyone else with open eyes and a working brain. “They used characteristics of my personality to frame me as a white racist,” he groused. Zimmerman laid into President Obama for “inflaming racial tensions” by saying that if he had a son, that son would look like Trayvon Martin, whining that “I am also my parents’ child and my life matters as well.” This phrase — seemingly a throwaway — is in reality a spotlight aimed at the soul of Zimmerman, putting that epic sense of entitlement in the starkest possible relief. In Dostoyevsky’s Crime and Punishment, a guilty man is weighed down by the burden of murder to the point of distraction. In the George Zimmerman saga, a likewise guilty man seeks exoneration in the field that matters most to the narcissist: popular culture.

I am also my parents’ child and MY LIFE MATTERS AS WELL.”

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When he addressed his more recent legal troubles, it was the same crap. He told people to “put themselves in my shoes” and “ask what is the media’s agenda” — a classic tactic often employed by abusive personalities who would rather lash out than commit to any restorative and honest self-examination. Some criminals learn from their mistakes, and that’s a road to redemption. Zimmerman, for whatever reason, believes that he was not substantially in the wrong. Until he gets his mind right, redemption will never come. AG Gancarski twitter/aggancarski

APRIL 1-7, 2015 | | 11

Folio Weekly’s guide to the dreamers, hackers, artists, hipsters, bleeding hearts, musicians, nerds, crypto-libertarians, whackos and freaks scratching their entrepreneurial itch at the world’s largest crowdfunding festival.

curve when it came to seeing the potential of Jacksonville’s urban core. A lack of employment during the country’s continued rocky and uneven economic recovery may actually be encouraging folks to scratch an entrepreneurial itch. And young, formerNortheast-Florida-expats are moving back to the city in droves, bringing with them their own unique ideas about the way forward in the River City. Let’s not forget the festival’s creators. As illustrated in the articles that follow, One Spark no longer belongs to the organizers, or the city, or the angel investors who have promised to show up. One Spark now represents something bigger — much bigger than the prize money and much bigger than the validation that comes with having done a swell job. The yearly event has been embraced by a collection of dreamers, hackers, artists, cool dudes, bleeding hearts, musicians, nerds, crypto-libertarians, whackos and freaks. The creators have validated One Spark. The festival provided the spark; the creators brought the kindling. We can only hope the fire burns bright enough — and large enough — to reward all who helped light it. Matthew B. Shaw twitter/matthew_b_shaw

2014 ONE SPARK RECAP UP FOR GRABS: This year creators are competing for more than $300,000 in cash. Attendees can vote for and/or contribute actual money to their favorite projects. Aside from seeking those contributions, creators can earn prize money through the following awards:

In one of the more memorable scenes from any show that aired during television’s most recent golden age, Donald Draper (John Hamm) — fictional, genius creative director of fictional ad agency, Sterling Cooper, was unnerved by his young equally fictional protégé, Peggy Olson (Elizabeth Moss), when she accused him of a lack of graciousness. “You never say thank you,” she demurred. His retort: “That’s what the money’s for!” From an observer’s perspective there are plenty of reasons to be excited about the World’s Largest Crowdfunding Festival. One Spark will provide some of the most flattering light imaginable for a downtown with a ton of forward momentum. The food trucks are back, as is the beer village. There’s a speaker summit, a ton of live music, and it’s spring in Florida for godssake! But, although Northeast Florida has embraced it, the idea of One Spark has yet to be substantiated by a sufficient and reliable source of funding. And, in drumming up excitement for this year’s festival, the people behind One Spark have had to continuously bang away in the face of adversity and mounting criticism. There was the disappointing creator registration and attendance numbers at the Berlin incarnation of One Spark in September. Shad Khan pulled the rug out from underneath affiliate Kyn shortly thereafter. Then there was a leadership shuffle in December. And most recently, the registration deadline in mid-February brought to light the news that 55 fewer creators signed up for this year’s festival. 12 | | APRIL 1-7, 2015

Then there’s the grind of the actual festival, which from the prospective of a creator, can seem exploitative. It goes something like this: Creators pay to enter their project in the festival and take multiple days off from their day job, One Spark throws a party for which the creators provide the bulk of the entertainment and, in return, the creators compete for (no guarantees) a modest sum of money — $15k goes to this year’s top jury prize, vote-getters, and contribution earners). One Spark has taken much of the criticism to heart. The company made improving the festival’s phone application (which attendees use to vote for their favorite projects) a top priority this offseason. New project categories have been added, such as Social Good, to level the playing field of competitors for each prize pool. And, in an effort to better prepare potential creators, the company originated a series of workshops to serve as a sort of training ground for April’s main event. The idea being, creators who participate will

be better equipped to take advantage of fundraising opportunities during the festival. But, when sermonizing on the merits of participating in One Spark, founder Elton Rivas continues to uphold that the most valuable thing any entrepreneur can receive from their week of work is the validation of their idea. In the words of Don Draper: “That’s what the money’s for!” But those familiar with Mad Men know that even Don Draper often misses the big picture. Three years ago, no one would have ever imagined that over the course of a long spring weekend, 250,000 people would find their way into Downtown Jacksonville. The founders of One Spark had a good idea, committed themselves to it fully, and made the damn thing happen. In addition, there’s a lot happening on the periphery of One Spark that makes what’s going on inside the festival all the more exciting. Trends in urban renewal have illuminated Downtown Jacksonville (and surrounding neighborhoods) as a sort of blank canvas, ripe for creative restoration — One Spark was ahead of the

CATEGORY AWARD: The project with the most votes in each category gets $15,000. JURY AWARD: A panel of jurors will select a favorite project in each category to receive $15,000. INDIVIDUAL CONTRIBUTIONS AWARD: Who’s the best at actual crowdfunding? Projects that receive the most individual contributions will receive a $15,000 bonus. JACKSONVILLE AWARD: An honorary juror will select the project that promises to have a significant positive impact on the city and award the creator(s) $5,000. ART // 2014 WINNERS JURY PRIZE ($10K): PROJECT ATRIUM To say this collaboration between local artist Shaun Thurston and MOCA to showcase emerging and mid-career artists on a unique scale has garnered its share of attention since receiving the Jury Prize, would be quite the understatement. TOP VOTE GETTER ($11,930.15 • 1,167 VOTES): THEATER ON A MISSION (TOM) The mission – to take performing arts to developing countries – was helped in large part by the votes they received last year and is now well underway with several projects scattered across the African continent. MUSIC // 2014 WINNERS: JURY PRIZE ($10K): SIDEREAL The Jacksonville Beach Pop-rock/reggae band took home top honors last year, carrying the ire to the summit of Mt. Zion (i.e. #1 on the i-tunes reggae charts). TOP VOTE GETTER ($11,309.92 • 792 VOTES): GRANDPA’S COUGH MEDICINE Voters spread the love around the music category in 2014, but ultimately the banjos rang louder than the rest. TECH // 2014 WINNERS: JURY PRIZE ($10K): PARTPIC The part-replacement application took top honors and followed up their One Spark performance with a second place finish at San Francisco’s tech festival, DisruptSF. TOP VOTE GETTER ($11,149.49 • 695 VOTES): EARTHGUY.COM – The group-deal website is up and running, offering users discounts on a range of items and activities from dance lessons to test prep to afternoon mimosas (all three in the same day would make for a hell of a first date).

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Experienced musicians see One Spark as an opportunity to be heard

Like all creators at this year’s One Spark, musicians face a long list of to-do’s that extend well into the weeklong festival. Rehearsal, making and distributing flyers, tending to social media — not to mention juggling multiple gigs at multiple locations throughout the week. And since the festival’s incentive system translates votes into cash, the all-important job of shouting the band’s creator number from the rooftops also falls on the shoulders of the musicians themselves. For One Spark participant Connor Hickey, however, the festival is more about exposure than money. “You’re better off talking to other bands and venue owners than trying to get votes from passers-by,” says the frontman and songwriter for local indie band Fjord Explorer. “The crowd wants to see the tech stuff.” For the third consecutive year, Hickey and bandmates Jack Twachtman, Jordan Chase White and Austin Johnston will load up their gear and spend the entire One Spark week pouring their hearts into their live performances in an effort to attract a crowd. But with two years of prior experience to draw from, they plan to do things a little differently this time. “I took a week off work the first year,” says Hickey. “I didn’t do that the second year and I’m not doing it this time, either.” With their sights set on a big fiscal prize, Fjord Explorer practiced vigorously that first year, playing five shows over the course of the week. The band garnered enough votes to take home roughly $210. Whether the practice and preparation was worth the payoff depends on whom you ask, but here’s a telling stat: The band played more than a dozen shows the following year, became a top three finalist for the $10,000 jury prize, and took home a grand total of $4.50 (“I still have the check framed on my wall,” Hickey says). So, anecdotally at least, there seems to be little correlation between the number of shows played during the festival, the preferences of the jury, and the number of dollars netted. Second-year participant Mike King hopes that’s not the case. “[Last year] I knew I was going to go into One Spark with the intention of releasing an EP, to help fund it,” says the singersongwriter. “Within the week of One Spark, I played about 50 shows. I’d play an hour show here, leave, go somewhere else, play another hour show, and I walked away with about two hundred bucks.” Using the money he earned at the festival, King eventually released his EP. “The goal this year is to go in with the idea of producing an LP with at least 10 songs on it,” says King. 14 | | APRIL 1-7, 2015

To achieve his goal, King plans on playing even more shows this year. “My strategy is to use the entire One Spark footprint as my venue,” he says. “Throughout the festival, I’m going to take my guitar and walk all around and do pop-up shows.” Previous anecdotal evidence not withstanding — more than the pleasantness of a band’s music, or number of shows they play — the key to success in the music category might have to do more with a band’s creator number. “We spouted our number off to anyone who would listen,” says Fjord Explorer’s Hickey of his first year at One Spark. “The second year, we just played as many shows as possible and forgot about the number.” While Hickey’s Springsteenesque strategy is praiseworthy, local acoustic duo Strangerwolf might have an ace in the hole. “Our creator number is 22222,” says Strangerwolf frontman Rick Kennedy. Along with his percussionist cousin Ryan Kennedy, Rick Kennedy’s Strangerwolf is a first-time One Spark participant. Despite an indelible creator number, the duo is not going to leave their success up to chance. “We’re booked for one show a day right now,” says Rick, “but the advantage of being a twopiece is, we don’t have a full band to set up.” He continues, “Right now, we’re doing a bunch of promotional stuff, sorting a bunch of business cards, getting flyers made, getting promotional photos for social media.” A familiar-sounding list, with one addition: tempered expectations. “To be honest, we don’t expect to get enough votes to make any money,” says Kennedy. The members of Strangerwolf also had the foresight to ask previous participants for advice. “We were just told to work our butts off and play as much as we can, get out there and just promote your name.” Hickey — who once gave up a week of work only to earn back half of what he would have made at the day job — would agree with that. As he succinctly advised, “Don’t focus on the money. Just play music.” Dennis Ho

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A light look at the some of the festival’s darker projects Time will tell if the winners of One Spark’s Technology category will play a role in advancing the goals of our collective society. And while many of this year’s crop of creator projects appear poised to make Northeast Florida a smarter, safer, and more advanced place to live, a handful of the projects introduced for One Spark 2015 would derive utility from a world that doesn’t exactly jibe with the utopian vision put forth by city leaders and professional marketers. From Bling Bullets to potential robot armies, the One Spark Technology category has plenty to offer the festival-goer who once upon a time read Philip K. Dick and saw it, rightly, as a vision of the future. #22119 BLING BULLETS: In the words of a famous New Orleans rapper from a bygone epoch, “Bling Bling!” These guys have a dream — a world full of Swarovski crystal-tipped bullets, a stylistic touch guarandamnteed to animate drive-by shootings, now to be held at the intersection of function and fashion. The people behind Bling Bullets need only $25K to take this idea on the road to trade shows outside Florida. If they get $100K, perhaps they’ll upgrade the crystals to actual diamonds. Bling Bullets may not be the most creative idea at One Spark, but these folks are the only ones with a guaranteed body count. Recommended with any purchase of Bling Bullets: a Kevlar track-suit. #21807 3D PRINTED EVIDENCE: While Bling Bullets are suitable for a swaggy six-shooter, inevitably those bullets will be used for a more quotidian purpose, such as evidence in a criminal trial. This is where 3D Printed Evidence comes in. This Jacksonville company promises to be a “one-stop shop for all 3D printed demonstrative evidence models,” from the scaling of crime scenes to forensics, to accident reconstruction. Whether you’re tracking how a Bling Bullet went through a wall or, as stated on the companies website (, “printing a scaled

model of a collapsed building due to a bombing, or structural deficiency,” 3D Printed Evidence allows one to prove conclusively what the media is covering up. The inventor, Josh Weinberger, asks for an investment of only $5K, to purchase a new 3D printer. Seems reasonable. #22218 PLUG & PLAY SOLAR PANELS

#22217 COLLAPSIBLE PANIC ROOM: Those of us who have worked cubicle jobs know that a panic room can be where we spend 40-plus hours a week. But what if you’re not at work and feel

that sense of existential dread descend on you like vultures on carrion? In a situation like that, the collapsible panic room’s got your hookup! This “bulletproof collapsible panic room is built with specific care for the safety of children,” claims the all-too-brief description on That’s great news; after all, if you’re in the market for a panic room, you’re keenly aware of your own vulnerability. These guys need a mere $10K to build a full-sized functional prototype and to complete the patent process. With just one Like on the project’s Facebook page and a relatively sparse About section that says simply “Ask for Collapsible Panic Room’s website,” the creators will likely need the money to do some other things (there are some neat pictures of two-by-fours and unfinished frames on the page, though). We hope they’ll tighten their game up before the festival starts. #22218 PLUG & PLAY SOLAR PANELS: Being cooped up in a panic room without electricity is no fun. How would you charge your phone? Microwave a burrito? Play a rousing game of electric football? With these modular solar panels, you don’t have to worry. Use the natural energy of the sun to power your survivalist dreams, as you navigate the postapocalyptic dystopia! These cats need only $110k of seed money — a small price to pay for a power source you can take with you! #22245 LUBOTICS LIFE-SAVING LEGGED ROBOTS: This company’s founder claims that LuBotics will “push the envelope of what bio-inspired robots can be made to do, and how they can be used to save lives.” I’m all for saving lives, but why stop there? The beauty of legged robots is their versatility. Sure, you could restrict them to socially constructive tasks — helping nurses, rescuing earthquake victims — or you could “push the envelope” further.

Let’s suppose you’re Lenny Curry or Mike Williams and you’ve made a campaign promise to restore all those cops to the streets: With LuBotics, it’d be easy. These robots will never need a pension and, quite likely, will never conspire to set up a chain of Internet cafés designed to serve “allied veterans.” These sociorobo-engineers need $300K for 18 months of technology development and “feedback” from first responders and military personnel, a virtual steal when looking at the potential human resources problems LuBotics could solve. #22419 BITCOIN RESOURCE GROUP: Tired of the hegemony of the Fed? An alternate currency might be just the ticket for you. Wall Street is getting hip to Bitcoin, which is actually gaining cultural cachet beyond the crypto-libertarian set (the digital currency even sponsored a college football bowl this year). For just $10K in greenbacks — which (real talk) no one exactly believes in anymore — the Bitcoin Resource Group will “provide resources to businesses and entrepreneurs who want to learn about and expand the use of Bitcoin in Jax.” This is perfect for those biz types who want to keep transactions off the books — one or two of you may be reading this. Who knows if any of these projects will be greenlighted? They may be too dark for some, but to those of us who understand the non-negotiable dystopian nature of our world, they make sense in a way that shinier, happier projects never could. AG Gancarski twitter/AGGancarski

how will this year’s projects impact the future?

#22119 BLING BULLETS Hard to argue the merits of this project (though, for obvious reasons, you’re advised not to argue with the creators of Bling Bullets at all).

#22117 COLLAPSIBLE PANIC ROOM Nothing says, “I got mine, Jack!” like an impenetrable fortress of solitude.

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#22245 LUBOTICS LIFE-SAVING ROBOTS Though Lubotics’ intentions are good, this project’s slippery slope is best illustrated in James Cameron’s 1991 documentary Terminator 2: Judgment Day. Ever heard of Skynet?

#21758 WOLF AND SHEPHERD COMFORT DRESS SHOES It would be a mistake to dismiss the social impact of comfortable shoes, especially when you think about the dress-shoe wearing demographics. Imagine a kinder, gentler Wall Street. Or, an easy-going legislature that works long hours to get things done. Or, mellow Jersey Shore guidos who drink responsibly and only stay out until a reasonable hour. We can dream, can’t we?

#22251 TERRAPEG BUILDING SYSTEM A reduction in waste provides a net benefit to society, but the potential of Terrapeg Building System’s fiberboard technology (it’s recycled, sustainable, inexpensive, and easy to ship) could change housing in the developing world.

#21841 10,000 TREES JAX Quick Science lesson: Trees are good. 10,000 new trees are better.

THE ART OF COMPETITION Artists grapple with the highs and lows of the One Spark experience Local visual artist Shaun Thurston is easily one of the biggest One Spark success stories. In 2013, Thurston’s entry, “20 Murals in a Year,” placed third in the art category — earning more than $4,000. The next year, Thurston’s “#projectatrium” — created in collaboration with Museum of Contemporary Art (MOCA) Jacksonville — received 1,068 votes, placing third again. He was awarded just over $1,766, as well as the juried award in art for a $10,000 check.

street from an orphanage in Bondo, Kenya,” explains Chelsey Cain, founder of Theatre on a Mission. Cain, 20, born and raised in Jacksonville, is a student at the University of North Florida. “The land will become the first school of the arts in the country for the Kenyan people, which we will open in the summer of 2016 upon our return to Kenya,” she says. TOM also used the crowdfunding cash to provide two weeks of free dialysis to patients at Kijiji Medical Center, fix a broken well in

a small village outside Nairobi, and adopt a baby elephant, appropriately named Tom. “One Spark is an extremely positive experience because it gives artists an avenue to showcase their work and tell their stories on a much larger scale than what was previously accessible to them,” Cain says. “Some people might view the competitive nature of One Spark as a negative, putting artist against artist,” she continues. “However, I saw it as a healthy competition that just pushed all of us to think outside the box and

find creative ways to get our projects and passions in front of the public.” Local photographer Doug Eng says he can understand those who take advantage of the opportunity and find success and those who have a less-than-stellar experience. “Initially, I thought One Spark would be an ideal way for artists to introduce their projects and receive funding,” says Eng, who scored second place in Arts in 2013 for Beyond the Façade, where he covered vacant storefronts



In total, One Spark has brought the 35-year-old Jacksonville native and Riverside resident more than $15,000. “The first time I entered was a test. I wanted a way to ask the people of Jacksonville if they had any interest in me painting more murals around the city,” Thurston says of “20 Murals in a Year,” in which he created public art across the urban landscape, from 5 Points to Laura Street. The second time, Thurston says, the One Spark experience felt more controlled and organized. “I was working with the MOCA staff and the execution of the work was completed over several weeks, with months of planning beforehand,” he explains. “For six months before One Spark, I was rushing to complete my goal. Everything happened in perfect synchronicity and all that it required of me was every waking hour until the deadline.” Thurston donated half his winnings to the museum and, though he didn’t enter One Spark 2015, he’ll give talks and exhibit work at MOCA and just “hang out during the festival.” Another success story is that of Theatre on a Mission (TOM), a student-driven, nonprofit service project that takes the performing arts to developing countries. The group participated in One Spark 2014 and won first place in Arts, scoring $11,930.15. The money has been put to good use. “We were able to use the One Spark money to put a deposit on a piece of land across the APRIL 1-7, 2015 | | 17

THE ART OF COMPETITION <<< FROM PREVIOUS with printed images of his photography. Eng won just over $4,200. “The allocation of funds is similar to ArtPrize, a very successful arts festival in Grand Rapids,” he explains. “From most of the artists I spoke to when I entered, there was disappointment in the amount of money actually received — even the top five winners.” Eng says he’s also heard concern from local visual artists that some entries weren’t traditional “art” projects. “People could enter in any category they chose. So an individual artist could compete with large nonprofits and charities,” Eng explains. “Of course, there are a few success stories, too, so I would leave it up to an individual to determine if One Spark is right. Like everything else, the more you put in, the more you get out.” This year, there are 95 projects in Arts. In 2014, there were 609 creator projects, with 128 Arts participants. That’s about a onequarter reduction, giving this year’s artists and visual-art related contributors a much higher potential piece of the crowdfunding pie. Other promising (or at least interesting) Arts contributors this year include Spark Attack (#22000), an eight-foot-tall breaching great white shark’s head, constructed by UNF sculpture students, that will float in the Hemming Plaza fountain. The Keebles Cabaret (#22162) is a motherand-daughter variety stage show hoping to earn funding to make a mockumentary of their touring travels. The project page explains, “It’s a unique blend of elements

from Waiting for Guffman, Arrested Development, Hee Haw and Smokey and the Bandit all rolled into one show.” And then, perhaps most intriguing because of its mystery, is Patrick’s Awesome Project (#22451), in which Patrick gives absolutely no clue about what he’ll display. Past winner Shaun Thurston thinks curbing one’s enthusiasm is an appropriate tack. “I don’t think One Spark is inherently positive or negative for artists,” says Thurston. “I’m sure that collectively, creators have experienced the full spectrum of love/hate for the festival. It’s a great way to find out how thousands of people respond to what you are doing. Connecting with other creators is the best reason to participate; going in with expectations is a mistake.” Kara Pound

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One Spark’s complicated relationship with tech Technology. Tech. Tech Scene. These are notions that have evolved from being the purview of quiet tinkerers to being the platform by which proverbial rockstars are made. [Disclosure] I have, over the past two years, been involved directly and peripherally with various projects alongside the creators and organizers of the One Spark event, most notably serving as a mentor at the KYN accelerator. Ask Chad Pry what technology is and he’ll say something like, “It’s an approach — it’s a way of thinking about systems and tools and humans and organization that is built on the capacity to rapidly respond to change.” Pry, chief technology officer of New York-based HR startup Recruitifi and formerly a software architect with General Assembly and Groupon, lives and breathes the notion of tech-asapproach. He is in every sense a purist, and is consistently frustrated with the mounting presence of buzzwords in the technology industry — as well as with what he sees as a decreasing concern with the understanding of the methods and practices that actually create innovation. In Pry’s mind, innovation is not Meerkat; rather, innovation is understanding a problem well enough to recognize that easy live streaming might be a solution. This is a consistent theme in the modern technology milieu. The last 30 years have seen tremendous evolutions in technology, not only in the Moore’s Law sense — things are getting smaller, faster, lighter and sleeker — but in how we even approach the development of tech. Technologists are recognizing that some solutions benefit more from being modular or adaptable than they do from being robust — this is particularly true in web-based software. This ethos change has given rise to architectural concepts such as Object Oriented Analysis and Design (reductively: a mode of building software that improves modifiability and extensibility) and iterative development approaches like Agile. These are deeply technical practices but they also serve as a sort of codified vernacular. Walking around South by Southwest Interactive, the tech showcase at Austin’s storied festival, yields conversations about the Enterprise Unified Process or Model-View-Controller or Multiplatform Persistence. One’s ability to conduct oneself about these topics with nuance rapidly determines placement on the “techiness” scale. Jacksonville’s technology and arts festival is One Spark. The now-six-day event, grandly styled the World’s Crowdfunding Festival, is often compared locally with SXSW or even TechCrunch’s Disrupt, while peripheral conversations credit it for building the tech scene in the city and driving it forward. To listen to discussions in Bold Bean or Hemming Park, one might think of One Spark as a panacea of innovation and technology and business where the Next Big Thing is going to happen. These are exciting notions, visionary notions. And vision is important. Vision is a key part of what made Google and Apple and Facebook and Tesla what they are today. Navigate to the technology section of the creator projects on One Spark’s website, however, and you’ll observe what might be best termed an identity crisis. The vision of

being world class, suggested by One Spark’s marketing but really carried to fever pitch by the community, is harder to find in play. Projects range from the comprehensive and buttoned-up (visionaries of “performance foam technology” for dress shoes Wolf & Shepherd) to the already-been-solved-severaltimes (re:Boot, a code/technology school whose mission sounds quite similar to the established, successful General Assembly) to the probably-going-to-be-intenselycontroversial (bedazzled ammunition company Bling Bullets). Projects under the Technology heading often seem vaguely technological, and rarely world-changing.

This is not inherently a problem. In the general sense of stimulating entrepreneurial spirit within the local community, One Spark seems to be successful. Selecting for the projects created by teams in the five-county area, there’s a wide variety of ideas people seem to be venturing outside the garage to test in a market, and that’s certainly one of the features of great innovation scenes. One Spark has done what many never would have had the wherewithal to approach — it’s gotten people — who probably wouldn’t have before — to start experimenting, and doing so publicly. The problem is at the high end. The World Class part. The innovation part. The Technology part. While One Spark has been instrumental in propelling general entrepreneurism in Northeast Florida, examples of how the festival has raised the standard of innovation in the community are harder to find. One of the best technology projects the festival has hosted is Atlanta’s PartPic, a visual search engine for replacement parts that allows users to search for appropriate substitutes by simply taking a photograph of what needs to be replaced. Visual search engines are built on the back of both intensely complex algorithms and highly branched workflows — in other words, they’re about as high tech as apps can get. PartPic won the juried technology prize at One Spark last year (and was a finalist at industry-defining Disrupt SF 2014) but received almost no attention from the local community (less than 1 percent of the crowd votes). This disparity suggests that despite One Spark’s success in driving entrepreneurial spirit, the community

still struggles to grasp what defines great technology and innovation. Over the last two years, there has been an earnestness overtone to a large amount of local press (and the occasional PR pop in a national) concerning the local technology scene’s building momentum, about its grand potential, and its ability to compete on a national scale (typically, One Spark is at the center of that coverage). However, as top innovation and design firm AKQA’s Rem Reynolds says, “Winning isn’t potential. Winning is execution.” Jacksonville has a plentitude of potential, but its history of execution is thinner. When we think about newly minted technology “scenes” like Austin, Boulder or Kansas City, we see places where startups are being funded past the seed stage, where [large] exits (when a company is acquired or has an initial public offering on the stock market) are happening, where established firms like Google are opening new offices. Over the last two years, virtually none of this has been a part of the Northeast Florida story. There is a historic distaste among technologists for marketers, because marketing has to address the problem of building

emotional, human connections between tools and customers. It often does this by co-opting technical language and flattening it, making it bigger but ultimately less specific. Innovation. Web-Scale. Agile. Disruptive. These are words with deep technical significance, which gets lost or diminished each time they appear in marketing toolkits. But this is an opportunity, not a problem. If a company claims to be innovative or disruptive, it is (knowingly or unknowingly) inviting a conversation about what exactly gives it those qualities, and it’s in this forum that the community can begin to move in the direction of improvement. In that regard, marketing has done what technology always struggled to — it’s gotten people to have the right conversation. One Spark has accomplished the initial legwork of getting a scene of people previously unaware to actually talk excitedly about innovation, technology and disruption. But this is only the floor, not the ceiling. We should continue to expect to see this conversation mature. As we stroll through the streets next week visiting creator booths and having conversations about creativity, it is time to start asking the next question: How? How are you disrupting? How are you innovating? How are you going to modify, extend and support this? We may not get the responses we’re looking for, but if we can start asking the right questions, we don’t have to worry about the answers. Spencer Pitman twitter/alcesbull

FOR GOOD WORKS Social entrepreneurs compete in new category

Jessie remembers the nights. She’d wake up in a terror. She’d lie pinned to her bed. Her hearing was hyper-alert. Heart pounding. The house creaking, a branch brushing against a window, a menacing shadow, all adding to the panic. Someone was inside. He was going to kill her. “It happened every single night,” she says. “I cried myself to sleep. In the daytime, I was always exhausted.” Atlantic Beach businessman Michael Hosto understands Jessie’s fear. In 1978, when he was 11 years old, a man broke into his St. Louis home at 4 a.m. The man raped his mother. She didn’t yell for help because she feared her children would get out of bed and the man would attack Michael’s twin sister, too. After that, everything changed. “Because it happened in our home, there was never a place after that where my mom felt safe,” he says. “And it has lasted to this day.” When Hosto first heard about the One Spark crowdfunding festival, he decided to act on an idea he’d tossed around for years. After undergoing brain surgery a few years ago, Hosto began a recovery aided by a special friend: his pet German Shepherd. The dog was constantly by Hosto’s side, a loyal guardian and companion. This led him to believe a German Shepherd’s natural instincts as a protector would help a rape survivor feel safe and its loving nature would support the emotional healing process. During One Spark 2013, Hosto’s idea, Guardian Therapy Dogs, earned $1,043.67. But, he says, the money wasn’t important. It was the impetus the festival gave him to commit the idea to action. “I had this idea for years, and I always wanted to do it. But I never had the time,” Hosto says. “One Spark inspired me to start Guardian Therapy, to take it from idea to action.” Jessie, who asked that Folio Weekly use a pseudonym for her and her dog, received the first Guardian Therapy Dog. For Jessie, her German Shepherd Sasha has been a world-changer. Before Sasha, she says, “I felt very uncomfortable. I couldn’t talk to my family. I felt very prickly. I Just didn’t trust people. When I got her, it was like I had somebody who I knew would be there for me. And I know if someone tries to hurt me or if I was in danger, she would protect me.” This year, One Spark has added a Social Good category for contributors like Hosto. Previous One Spark participants say it’s important to have a category for social entrepreneurs, or businesses organized around the common goal of initiating social change. In the past, these kinds of projects competed in other categories. Consider Kristin Keen, whose 2013 project, Rethreaded, earned the most votes. Rethreaded recycles T-shirts into scarves and necklaces to employ and support women leaving the sex trade. With a 20-foot-tall house made of 500 recycled and dyed T-shirts that she built in Main Street Park, Keen garnered a lot of attention — 1,443 crowd votes and $7,066, to be exact. Since then, she’s built a manufacturing facility and a storefront that features products made by women from all over the world. The organization employs four women, including a bookkeeper and an event planner (paid for by a grant from Delores Barr Weaver) and two women who create the company’s necklaces and scarves.

“We didn’t really fit, and a lot of organizations didn’t really fit. We entered in the art category,” says Keen. “It’s cool that they now have a Social Good category, for those like us who are doing social entrepreneurship, trying to use business to solve a social problem.” As One Spark has evolved, the organizers recognized the large number of social enterprise and nonprofit projects entered, and decided it needed its own category, says One Spark community and public relations director Meredith O’Malley Johnson. This year, 108 projects will compete in the Social Good category. “I believe it is the largest category,” O’Malley says. It’s a crowded field, but Fort Myers cabinetmaker Frank Schooley hopes his 2015 creator project will help make a dream come true for those still reeling from the 2010 earthquake that demolished a large part of Haiti. Schooley is seeking crowdfunding to build a three-room school and furnishings for a village in the northwest part of the Caribbean nation. When Schooley’s business dried up after the 2008 real estate collapse, he began to fiddle around with furniture design on his computerized cutting machine. Because it was cheap, he used wood fiberboard for his mockups. Fiberboard is made of recycled wood chips and fibers. It’s inexpensive, it doesn’t glue easily and often splits when boards are nailed together. As Schooley experimented with his designs, he gained a respect for the material. The inventor in him refashioned an ancient carpenter’s fastener out of a hole and peg to assemble his pieces. It was sturdy enough to use for furniture and for assembling structures. This year, Schooley will exhibit his Terrapeg Building Systems in the food court at The Jacksonville Landing. Schooley says a Terrapeg shelter can be shipped flat; a whole house and furnishings can be assembled in three hours. One of the first structures he built has held up well after four years on the grounds of a Fort Myers church. “We think that the Terrapeg house, or shelter-in-a-day, is a very important building, going forward, to house and comfort the billion people a year who don’t have adequate housing, who are homeless because of natural disasters, or war, or not having a home just because they are too poor.” Like many creators in the Social Good category, Schooley hopes his project can be a world-changer. Susan Cooper Eastman

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Our Picks

Reasons to leave the house this week


The fourth annual Five Points Springfest has a little something for everyone. Motorcycle enthusiasts are encouraged to roll up in their vintage, custom and café bikes, and there will be family-geared activities, arts and crafts vendors, food trucks, craft beers and killer live music by the likes of Moya Moya, Speaking Cursive, Laurel Lee & The Escapees, Cougar Barrel, Herd of Watts and Analog Bourne. 2-10 p.m. April 4 in the 1000 block of Park Street, Riverside.



Philly contemporary jazz group Pieces of a Dream was formed in 1976 by then-teenagers bassist Cedric Napoleon, drummer Curtis Harmon and keyboardist James Lloyd. Since then, the band has released 16 albums and, while they’ve gone through some line-up changes since its inception, jazz greats Harmon and Lloyd have continued to make the band a favorite at clubs and jazz fests alike, on the strengths of their undeniable skills at shifting gears from ballads to straight-up funk. 8 p.m. April 4 at The Ritz Theatre & Museum, Downtown, $27-$34,



The wait is over. You’ve perfected your recipe for those zesty, bag-to-mouth artisanal pork rinds. After 10 months of research and development, your “Vern Troyer Locator” app is up and running. This week, One Spark, the world’s largest crowdfunding festival, returns to downtown Jacksonville and hopeful creators vie for votes and cash infusions from a purse of $300K that can turn their dreams into realities. And last year’s event drew a crowd of more than 260,000 people! Over the course of the festival’s five days, you can check out the creators’ booths, hear their pitches, listen to notable speakers and hang out with thousands of your new best friends while enjoying some great live music, craft beers and tasty eats. April 7-12 in downtown Jacksonville; for a schedule of events and info on locations, check out our listing on page 28 or go to





Jacket: A Juried Video Showcase, is a one-night-only screening of videos by 17 international contemporary artists. Chosen from a pool of more than 100 submissions, the selected works (including Krystal Perez’ Drifting Away, 2014, pictured) explore the commonalities as well as disparate ideas and methods found within contemporary video practice around the world. 7 p.m. April 2 at Crisp-Ellert Art Museum, Flagler College, St. Augustine, 20 | | APRIL 1-7, 2015

The exhibit Reflections: Artful Perspectives on the St. Johns River features pieces by Emily Arthur [pictured, Blackwater with Moth (for Audubon) no. 1, screenprint with etching and lithography, 2015], Sarah Crooks Flaire, Jim Draper, Doug Eng, David Engdahl, Brian Frus, Tiffany Melanson, Hiromi Mizugai Moneyhun, Allison Watson and Barry Wilson, working in a variety of media to reinterpret river-themed works from The Cummer Museum of Art & Gardens’ permanent collection. During the exhibit’s run, there will be exhibitions, performances and special events, including a panel discussion with the artists moderated by curator Holly Keris, with the focus on highlighting the importance of the St. Johns River. Exhibit runs through Oct. 18 at The Cummer Museum of Art & Gardens, Riverside,

APRIL 1-7, 2015 | | 21



FERRELL and HART typical shtick comedy limps along


n its opening moments, Get Hard features so James thinks. At their engagement party, two shots of Will Ferrell’s pale white with John Mayer playing a song for them, backside. This is expected — James is arrested and charged Ferrell shows his derriere in all with 43 counts of securities fraud his comedies, and he gets it over and 30 counts of embezzlement. GET HARD with early here. Now the movie He maintains his innocence. **@@ can be creative. Daring. Try new James is sentenced to 10 years Rated R things. Push boundaries. Make in maximum security at San us laugh for reasons we didn’t Quentin State Prison. He’s given know existed. That Get Hard attempts to 30 days to get his affairs in order. Accordingly, do all of the above is laudable; that it only he completely freaks out. He enlists the guy moderately succeeds is, well, laughable for who washes his car, Darnell (Kevin Hart), many reasons. to teach him to survive in prison. To be Ferrell plays millionaire fund manager clear, director Etan Cohen is asking us to James King, and he’s on top of the world. believe that even though James is smart His gold-digging fiancée Alissa (Alison enough to run billion-dollar hedge funds, Brie) can’t wait to spend her life with him he’s so blatantly ignorant he thinks Darnell in their mansion. Her father, Martin (Craig has been in prison just because he’s AfricanT. Nelson), also happens to be James’ boss, American. Ordinarily this would be offensive, and things couldn’t be better at work. Or but Darnell is in on the joke, and Cohen

DON’T MESS WITH TEXAS ON THE ONE HAND, it is absolutely ridiculous that a quality fi lm like Cold in July gets so little exposure on the big screen. Given limited release at the end of May last year, the movie was pulled from theaters 10 weeks later after a total domestic gross of $433, 223. On the other hand (thanks to its recent debut on home video), you can see the film for a fraction of what you might’ve forked over at your local Cineplex. The producers’ and distributor’s loss is your gain. Based on a 1989 novel by prolific East Texas writer Joe R. Lansdale, Cold in July is a crime thriller along the lines of the Coen Brothers’ Blood Simple and John Dahl’s Red Rock West, with the major exception that this neo-noir exercise has no femme fatale or romantic triangle. Instead, the focus is on two fathers trying to do the right thing in terms of their very different sons. When Richard Dane (Michael C. Hall) accidentally kills a man who’s burglarizing his house, he sets into motion a series of events that eventually has the mild-mannered pictureframer taking on the unwelcome role of vigilante killer. Repelled by the initial notoriety attending his act of self-defense, Richard is unexpectedly confronted by his victim’s father (Sam Shepard), tough ex-con Russell, who threatens revenge on Richard’s young son. And he’s just the kind of man who can do it, police protection or not. However, the two fathers soon come to realize 22 | | APRIL 1-7, 2015

the dead man is not who they thought he was. Enlisting the aid of private investigator Jim Bob Luke (Don Johnson), the men begin to unravel a complicated web involving police cover-up and a ruthless porno ring that specializes in snuff films. Totally on their own and outside the aegis and protection of the law, the unlikely trio is up against killers, one of whom is Russell’s son. Co-written and directed by Jim Mickle, Cold in July has tension and suspense to spare, with utterly convincing performances from the three stars. Hall is completely different from the cool, prepossessed serial killer he played for seven years on Dexter. As Richard Dane, he’s a fish out of water, a loving family man trying to atone for a guiltless act of self-defense. Sam Shepard (who, like Tommy Lee Jones and Robert Duvall, is never less than superb) is a tortured man, trying to atone for his own failure as a father. The biggest surprise in the cast is Don Johnson as the wild, somewhat wacky Jim Bob

gets some good laughs from Darnell’s wife (Edwina Findley Dickerson) and daughter (Ariana Neal) as a result of the situation. The burden of the bulk of the laughs, however, lands on Ferrell and Hart, and both are up to the challenge but not always effective. James’ training includes how to fight, survive a riot, always be on guard, etc., and in each scenario, Ferrell and Hart never lack for energy. What they do lack, though, is chemistry. They’re almost awkward together, in fact. It’s as if they’re consumed with doing their own thing to make sure they appeal to their fan base, and forget that the collaborative power of comedy is stronger than what an individual can provide. A prime example: When they’re in the makeshift prison yard and Darnell imitates a contentious African-American, Latin and gay confrontation. The scene requires Hart to shift gears in a nanosecond, but for Ferrell to just stand there, as the straight man, likely unsure if he should improv to keep the scene going or just let Hart do his thing. Conversely, Ferrell has a moment later on in the comedy in which he goes on a trash-talking rant that requires Hart to just sit and listen. Add to this some truly desperate moments, and you have a comedy that probably reads real funny on paper but doesn’t play well on the big screen. This is Cohen’s first feature directing gig, and no doubt Ferrell and Hart’s lack of chemistry is in part due to the way the film was shot and edited. Timing, pacing, and editing are essential in comedy; a great joke can be delivered perfectly by the actor but if it’s not presented correctly, all the humor will be lost. This is not to say that happened all the time in Get Hard, but it happened enough for more jokes to miss than hit. Dan Hudak


Luke, a man who knows his grim business and has absolutely nothing to atone for. A colorful character, Jim Bob makes appearances in some of Lansdale’s other books as well. This is director Mickle’s fourth feature fi lm, following three good (and each very different) horror films: Mulberry Street (2006), Stake Land (2010), and We Are What We Are (2013). Unlike many other genre directors, Mickle evokes complex characterization in his fi lms. Cold in July is not a horror movie, but a mainstream thriller, its complicated characters nonetheless confronting horrors of the realistic variety. Joe R. Lansdale, the Elmore Leonard of East Texas, must have liked what Mickle did with his book. The two are currently working on a proposed TV series featuring Hap and Leonard, the unlikely heroes of several other Lansdale books. That’s good news for his many fans, like me. Pat McLeod





SUN-RAY CINEMA What We Do in the Shadows, Insurgent, Get Hard, It Follows and An Honest Liar screen at Sun-Ray Cinema, 1028 Park St., 5 Points, 359-0049, Check website for details. LATITUDE 360 MOVIES Mockingjay: The Hunger Games and Big Hero 6 screen at Latitude 360’s CineGrille Theater, 10370 Philips Hwy., Southside, 365-5555, THE CORAZON CINEMA & CAFÉ The Treasure of the Sierra Madre and Rose Water screen at Corazon Cinema, 36 Granada St., St. Augustine, 679-5736, Unbroken starts April 3. WGHF IMAX THEATER Insurgent, Hidden Universe, Deep Sea Challenge, Island of Lemurs and Humpback Whales screen at World Golf Village Hall of Fame IMAX Theater, 1 World Golf Place, St. Augustine, 940-4133,


CHAPPIE Rated R In which Neill Blomkamp, director of District 9 and Elysium, dishes out more of the socially relevant sci-fi. (Hey, remember when that phrase would have been redundant?)

(Designated Ugly Fat Friend) within her social circle. The narrative of identities remade and bitch-queens dethroned is bound to captivate, especially if you’re too young to have seen Mean Girls, let alone She’s All That. One lucky preview attendee called the movie “a party.” Then again, Duff Man says a lot of things. Costars Bella Thorne, Mae Whitman, Robbie Amell and Allison Janney. — S.S. FOCUS *@@@ Rated R Will Smith brings his trademark rascally hip charm to Nicky, a con artist. Jess (Margot Robbie) is an aspiring grifter Nicky takes under his wing. The story lacks so much actual focus leading up to the finale that when the twist comes, we don’t care. — D.H. FURIOUS 7 Rated PG-13 Thank God for Dwayne Johnson. And Vin Diesel. And Jason Statham. And Ludacris. And Kurt Russell. But as awesome as these dudes are, no one can make us forget Paul Walker. (Damn. Can we take back the Kurt Russell?) GET HARD **@@ Rated R Reviewed in this issue. THE GUNMAN **@@ Rated R Mercenary sniper Jim Terrier (Sean Penn) kills people. He’s also in love with Annie (Jasmine Trinca), a doctor. Years

NAZI ART: Helen Mirren and Ryan Reynolds go to court to retrieve her family’s art stolen by the Third Reich in Woman in Gold.

This time, the king of futuristic metaphors presents us with the case of Chappie, “the first robot with the ability to think and feel for himself.” I think we all know who that’s supposed to represent: Rand Paul! Will Chappie help humanity save itself from robots whose intentions are far less noble? Or will his stance on medical marijuana doom him in the early animatron primaries? — Steve Schneider CINDERELLA **G@ Rated PG Director Kenneth Branagh’s version is an earnest retelling of Charles Perrault’s fairytale of the Disney animated classic. The screenplay by Chris Weitz goes heavier on the backstory, introducing the beloved mother (Hayley Atwell) of young Ella (Lily James) before mom’s untimely passing and Ella’s merchant father (Ben Chaplin) remarrying, ultimately leaving poor Ella with a stepmother (Cate Blanchett) and two stepsisters (Holliday Grainger, Sophie McShera) who treat her poorly, as traditional stories about the orphaned scullery maid’s step-family characters are wont to do. It’s a generally bright, cheery interpretation, built around plucky Cinderella’s determination to follow her mother’s deathbed advice to “have courage and be kind.” This variant is about only the humans: about Cinderella and her first meeting in the woods with a fellow who calls himself Kit (Richard Madden) but is in fact the crown prince; about Kit’s trying to convince his father, the king (Derek Jacobi), that he should be allowed to marry for love; about their courtship at the ball, and so on. It’s almost entirely a nice, slow-build romance between two very nice people. — Scott Renshaw THE DUFF Rated PG-13 A sequel to The Simpsons? Don’t we all wish. This teen melodrama isn’t a paean to Springfield’s favorite beer, but the story of a girl who learns she’s considered a DUFF

later, the conflict kicks into gear as Jim tries to track down those who ordered his murder. In London, he talks to old friends Terry (Mark Rylance) and Stanley (Ray Winstone), and in Barcelona, he chats with Felix (Javier Bardem), who’s now married to Annie. Awkward. Director Pierre Morel’s (Taken) film also takes us to Gibraltar – you’d think all the traveling would lead to a grand sense of adventure, but it doesn’t. — Dan Hudak HOME Rated PG The HBO production of The Normal Heart showed that Jim Parsons can handle a lot more than The Big Bang Theory. So what has he chosen for his all-important transition to mainstream cinema? Lilo and Sheldon! You don’t have to strain too hard to hear a whole mess of Dr. Cooper in his voicing of Oh, an alien who strikes up a friendship with a human girl. Baby steps, I guess … but a few more play-itsafe moves like this, and I’m going to claim a violation of our Roommate Agreement. — S.S. INSURGENT ***@ Rated PG-13 Insurgent gets all the important stuff right, and elevates it a step above the first film. It sneakily undercuts a lot of the tropes of what’s become a subgenre: the young-adult hero’s journey. The apocalyptic future sci-fi exploits of Tris Prior (Shailene Woodley) tell of her difficulties fitting in a societal system that divides people into Factions by temperament and talent but doesn’t recognize that a person can’t be as easily defined as, say, nothing but brutally honest like members of the Candor caste, who work as lawyers, or always hippiehappy like members of the Amity caste, who are farmers or artists. Tris doesn’t fit in because she’s a special case called Divergent, showing aptitude for all the Factions (which also include brainy Erudite, brave Dauntless, and selfless

APRIL 1-7, 2015 | | 23

A&E // FILM “IT FOLLOWS” is a genuinely creepy film that flips the script on teen horror movies



ithin the first minutes of It Follows, we techniques helping propel the film forward. know where we are headed. That is not More notably, Disasterpeace’s music score of to say that the much-touted horror film pulsating synths and ambient washes is one of more the effective soundtracks for horror flicks from writer-director David Robert Mitchell is in recent years. The combination of inventive instantly predictable, but rather his premise is so ingeniously simple, the inevitable destination camera work, a pulse-pounding soundscape, Mitchell’s use of recurring motifs, like bodies will certainly be a dark, terrifying place. The film opens at night, with a teenaged girl of water, and scenes that contrast the suburbs with the ’hood, helps further elevate It Follows frantically fleeing her house. A few minutes above typical horror fare. Most important, later, unsurprisingly, we see the girl’s mangled, Mitchell’s script is free of any needless subplots contorted, dead body by the shore of a lake. and stays on point. There is really only one Mitchell just as quickly lays out the plotline story: A malicious being that is bound to kill is that It Follows will travel. Teenager Jay (Maika on the prowl. Monroe) goes to the movies on her first date Mitchell deliberately sidesteps some of the with jock-type-dude Hugh (Jake Weary). While conventions of many teen horror movies to there, Hugh is spooked by the arrival of a great affect. There is none of the goofy, comic woman who is apparently invisible to Jay. relief that sours many films in the genre. He Cut to second date and, after the leans into a minimalist approach, with a fairly obligatory-car-sex-on-a-moonlit-night, Hugh, low body count, and he doesn’t waste time on in a highly questionable demonstration of pillow talk, covers Jay’s face with a chloroform- random, needless carnage. In fact, with such a short trail of corpses, waiting for the inevitable soaked rag. When she awakes, Jay is in a slaughter of the next victim only decrepit warehouse, strapped into sharpens the edginess of the plot. a wheelchair, with Hugh leaning IT FOLLOWS There’s the fairly typical into her ear, nervously explaining, ***@ ongoing undercurrent of the “It’s gonna follow you. Somebody Rated R body + sex = horror/death gave it to me. And I gave it to you.” trope in It Follows, sadly the Soon the titular “It” arrives in the form of a lumbering, zombie-like nude woman. same horrifying equation that pursues me each morning when I stagger into the shower, Once satisfied that Jay can now see “It,” Hugh keening in self-revulsion. But in using the — literally — drops her off in front of her film’s expected sexual encounters, invariably house and speeds away. See ya on Facebook! employed as a scare set-up in countless other Infected with a sexually-transmitted-entity teen horror movies, Mitchell takes a simple (welcome to college!), Jay is now cursed to idea and stacks the rest of his storyline on top, being pursued by a creature that can take the which works in part since his low-key, tight form of anyone. Her only chance of survival style ensures It Follows never becomes selfhinges on passing it on to the next hapless referential, i.e., “Look at what I am doing with victim, through intercourse. Upon hearing the teen/sex/horror movie.” of her date-night escapades, Jay’s friends It Follows stumbles in a few places. At one seem surprisingly nonplussed about her new, point, the kids decide to visit an abandoned malevolent social disease, while the everattentive Paul (Keir Gilchrist) is smitten with a building in the ghetto, ostensibly to flee from “It.” But Mitchell uses the location for reasons doe-eyed puppy love that can’t bode well. that are somewhat obvious for its spook factor It Follows is drawing comparisons to John and it’s an ultimately needless moment in the Carpenter’s Halloween and rightfully so. There’s a similar sense of measured dread: “It” film. Even worse, in the closing scenes, Mitchell travels with the same casual lurch as Michael throws the whole damn game by resorting to Myers’ distinctive walk, the commonplace the very same horror movie clichés he spent setting of the suburbs invites a “This could the previous hour-plus trying to defy. happen to you” quality and parents are for Those missteps aside, Mitchell has created the most part suspiciously absent, not unlike a worthy and imaginative horror film with in Halloween or, for that matter, Charles M. It Follows, albeit one that might crush any Schulz’ Peanuts TV specials. chances of taking it to the “next level” on that Cinematographer Mike Gioulakis does a crucial second date. deft job of using 360-degree pans and keeping Daniel A. Brown the lighting at a creepy Instagram-dim, both

24 | | APRIL 1-7, 2015

A&E// FILM LISTINGS Abnegation). Costars Kate Winslet, Jai Courtney, Mekhi Phifer and Zoë Kravitz! — MaryAnn Johanson IT FOLLOWS ***@ Rated R Reviewed in this issue. JUPITER ASCENDING **@@ Rated PG-13 This bloated sci-fi cheese, an intergalactic, over-the-top saga that simultaneously wows and confounds, was written and directed by Andy and Lana Wachowski. Jupiter Jones (Mila Kunis) is destined for great things and true love but, as the movie opens, she’s cleaning toilets. Good guy half-man/half-wolf Caine (Channing Tatum) saves her. He’s unfairly ambushed by three space goons and heroically/ inexplicably fights his way through the attack. Interplanetary siblings Balem (Eddie Redmayne), Titus (Douglas Booth) and Kalique (Tuppence Middleton) control planets all over the solar system. Earth belongs to Balem; Titus wants it. Knowing Earth’s rightful heir is Jupiter (the person, not the planet), Titus sends Caine to protect her from Balem’s goons, but they’re captured. Complications ensue. THE LAZARUS EFFECT Rated PG-13 The horror/thriller costars Olivia Wilde, Mark Duplass and Evan Peters. Some medical students devise their own resurrection methods. Not the best way to utilize all that technical doctor-like knowledge stuff. McFARLAND USA *G@@ Rated PG Starting in 1987, McFarland High School’s cross-country running team won nine out of 14 state championships in California, in spite of McFarland being one of the poorest towns in the nation. It’s a great story, whose triumphant underdogs conquer not only sport, but also racism – the team members were all of non-white Hispanic descent – and classism, and who (mostly) lived happily ever after. Costars Kevin Costner and Maria Bello. — Danny Bowes OLD FASHIONED Rated PG-13 It’s an old-fashioned (what are the odds?) love story in which a young woman falls for an antique shop owner who’s a “reformed frat boy” – my favorite character description ever. In this level-headed, unexploitative, anti-sensationalist Christian film, the chief narrative complication is its hero’s wholesome determination to keep coitus within the bounds of holy matrimony. Wow. — S.S. RED ARMY Rated PG If you like your true-sports pictures with a sharper edge, here’s a documentary about the Russian ice-hockey team’s rise to dominance during the Cold War. Political analogies are explored, cruel coaching practices are denounced, and co-producer Werner Herzog gets to stand on semi-familiar ground by presenting the tale of a metaphorical bear who’ll rip your head off. (See what I did there?) — S.S. RUN ALL NIGHT ***@ Rated R “I’ve done terrible things in my life,” Liam Neeson’s Jimmy Conlon says in the opening lines of the film and, boy, he’s got that right. Murder mostly, but abandoning his family and being a terrible father are right up there. For his entire adult life, Jimmy’s been an assassin for New York City mob boss Shawn Maguire (Ed Harris, another stalwart veteran), whose hot-headed son Danny (Boyd Holbrook) is primed to take over the family business. Jimmy’s estranged son Michael (Joel Kinnaman) works as a limo driver and, through a

weird coincidence, Michael happens to witness Danny murder someone in cold blood. Michael and Danny fight, which culminates with Jimmy killing Danny. — D.H. THE SECOND BEST EXOTIC MARIGOLD HOTEL **@@ Rated PG This … uh … second installment in the tales of the Jaipur, India hotel catering to British seniors feels like a featurefilm re-creation of the formula they used for The Love Boat. Costars Bill Nighy, Judi Dench, Dev Patel, Tena Desae, Ronald Pickup, Diana Hardcastle, Richard Gere, Penelope Wilton and Maggie Smith – a treasure to be cherished as long as we have the pleasure of her company. Waitasec ... Richard Gere? — S.R. STILL ALICE ***G Rated PG-13 This sad, beautiful film stars Julianne Moore as Alice, a linguistics teacher at Columbia University, who’s just turned 50. She’s getting forgetful. The diagnosis: Early-onset Alzheimer’s disease. The reaction: complete shock and terror – it’s rare for someone her age to be afflicted with the debilitating disease. Moore, who’s phenomenal, goes from energetic and vibrant to flustered and defeated. It’s a heartbreaking transition, progressing quickly. Co-writers and directors Richard Glatzer and Wash Westmoreland give ample time to the effect her condition has on her family. This movie punches you in the gut with inevitabilities and life’s unfairness, leaving us with tears in our eyes and the hope that it doesn’t happen to us. — D.H. WHAT WE DO IN THE SHADOWS ***G Not Rated The New Zealand offering takes one of the oldest recurring ideas in folklore and horror – the vampire – and drives a stake deep into the heart of ... well, you get the idea. Written and directed by Jemaine Clement (Flight of the Conchords) and Taika Waititi (writer-director of New Zealand’s 2010 smash hit, Boy), Shadows essentially injects a shot of macabre into the buddy picture scene, focusing on a group of vampires living in a decrepit house on the outskirts of Wellington who’ve allowed a camera crew to document their day-to-day – or rather night-tonight – existence. Costars Jonathan Brugh, Ben Fransham, Cori Gonzalez-Macuer and Rhys Darby. — Daniel A. Brown WOMAN IN GOLD Rated PG-13 Before they discovered the therapeutic hobby of flying passenger planes into mountain ranges, some Germans were actually kinda dicks. For instance, did you know they stole other people’s paintings? Honest to God! They just up and swiped family portraits that weren’t even their property, forcing folks like Helen Mirren to spend six decades trying to get the damn things back. All of which leads me to wonder what we’re going to be trying to retrieve from ISIS in 2075: Selfies from a trip to Dave & Buster’s? — S.S. THE WRECKING CREW Not Rated When I was learning to play music, there was a column I enjoyed reading in Guitar Player magazine called “Pickin’ on Me.” In it, session great Tommy Tedesco shared tales from his lucrative career as an unsung studio musician, playing it smooth for countless others. I found it positively inspiring to know that I too might one day be able to score similar backup work, should my nearly foolproof plan to attain fame and fortune at the top of the charts hit an unexpected, long-shot snag. Now, however, it’s almost 40 years later, Tedesco’s dead, and there’s a documentary out about the legendary work he and his fellow multitalented musicians did on recording after recording for others who reaped the fame and glory and the big bucks. And if I can fish enough change out of my sofa, I might be able to go see it. — S.S.

GO SPEED RACER, GO! Paul Walker (in his final film) and Vin Diesel star in the car-happy heavy-action flick, Furious 7.

APRIL 1-7, 2015 | | 25



British comedy production squashes the story of the boy wizard into a fast-moving, fun show


et me begin this article by telling you that Potted Potter several times over the years to I don’t know the difference between Luna coincide with new material. Lovegood or Lord Voldemort. I have no “When book seven came out and films clue what Bat-Bogey Hex, Bulbadox Powder six, seven and eight came out, it seemed, at or Boggarts do. I’ve never even read one of the the time, it was extra work,” says Turner. “We seven Harry Potter books or seen one of the thought, ‘Oh, it would be nice if we had a eight films. show that was just a show.’ But, actually, that’s I have, in no way, contributed to the $15 what really helped us and what I think has billion the Harry Potter brand is estimated to contributed to the longevity of the show.” be worth. Turner and Clarkson are not only the But that doesn’t mean that I’m a hater. In creators and writers behind Potted Potter. fact, I love the idea that a bunch of teenagers They’re also — more often than not — the are utilizing their intellectual capacity and ones traveling the world performing the wit to outsmart the bad material. guys rather than dressing “We found that POTTED POTTER: THE like a bunch of hoochies updating it, changing it and UNAUTHORIZED HARRY and trying to find a date to keeping it current really the prom. helps the show,” Turner EXPERIENCE Meet Jeff Turner and explains. “And it helps Dan 7:30 p.m. April 7-9, 8 p.m. April Daniel Clarkson. Two-time and me. We’ve now done 10, 2 and 8 p.m. April 11, 1 and Olivier Award-nominated the show about 1,600 times 4 p.m. April 12 at Times-Union actors and Brits who in the last 10 years. If it had Center for the Performing Arts’ share the same sentiment, been the same all that time, Terry Theater, $25.09-$80.09, Turner and Clarkson are if we hadn’t killed each the creators behind Potted other, then we would have Potter: The Unauthorized killed ourselves.” Harry Experience, a parody that examines all Aside from escaping mutual homicide or seven Harry Potter books in 70 minutes. suicide, Turner and Clarkson have dodged “The way we’ve written the show is that legal troubles. The Harry Potter brand has we don’t want it to be exclusive — that’s not virtually left them alone to do what they do. what Harry Potter’s about. It’s not a secret “If they really wanted to, they could club or anything,” says Turner. “We want absolutely crush us,” Turner says. “Dan and anybody who wants a bit of a laugh or a bit of I really like the books and that comes across entertaining to be able to enjoy it.” in the show. It’s a loving parody. If we got up Since its creation in 2005, Potted Potter there on stage and made fun of it and it came has evolved from a couple of struggling from a nasty place, then we wouldn’t have actors having a laugh onstage to sold-out lasted a week.” performances all over the world; from Ireland Going forward, the prolific duo will and Mexico to the Philippines and Dubai. continue to create family-friendly parodies Starting April 7, the play touches down here as based on comedy and fantasy. They’ve also part of the FSCJ Artist Series. written Potted Pirates, which examines “Americans laugh at the same things that everyone from Long John Silver to Blackbeard, Brits laugh at, which was a real relief for us,” as well as Potted Panto, a Christmas-themed Turner says. “And also British culture is pretty pantomime show. en vogue out here at the moment with Harry “The formula that Dan and I go by is that Potter, obviously, and Dr. Who and Sherlock, if it makes us laugh, then it’s a keeper,” Turner and you still like people like the Queen and says. “Of course, there’s been a few stinkers The Beatles.” over the years. We do improvise and try things Though there are no more books or movies on stage and not everything can be gold. So we try it once or twice and if it doesn’t work, then slated for future release, it’s fairly safe to say it’s quietly retired.” that the young wizard won’t be going out of style any time soon. And that’s just fine with Kara Pound Turner and Clarkson. They’ve had to revise

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POTTED POTTER This comical stage production, subtitled The Unauthorized Harry Experience – A Parody by Dan and Jeff, condenses all seven Harry Potter books (plus a real-life game of Quidditch) into 70 minutes, staged at 7:30 p.m. April 7-9, 8 p.m. April 10, 2 and 8 p.m. April 11 and 1 and 4 p.m. April 12 at Times-Union Center for the Performing Arts’ Terry Theater, 300 Water St., Downtown, 442-2929, $25.09$80.09, ON GOLDEN POND Mike Farrell (M*A*S*H) stars in Ernest Thompson’s Tony-winning drama about a sometimesturbulent relationship between a woman and her father, and difficulties the elderly face. Executive Chef DeJuan Roy’s themed menu is featured; April 1-May 3, at Alhambra Theatre & Dining, 12000 Beach Blvd., Southside, 641-1212, $35-$55,


GARY STARLING JAZZ ORGANIZATION Plays 7:30 p.m. April 1 at Mudville Music Room, 3104 Atlantic Blvd., San Marco, $10, 352-7008. A TRIBUTE TO NAT AND CANNONBALL ADDERLEY Trumpeter Terell Stafford and saxophonist Dick Oatts are featured in this tribute to the two jazz greats at 7:30 p.m. April 2 at University of North Florida’s Robinson Theater, 1 UNF Dr., Southside, 620-2878, $8-$25, JU CHAMBER ENSEMBLES Jacksonville University chamber groups, including the Honors Chamber Ensembles, perform at 7:30 p.m. April 2 at JU’s Terry Concert Hall, 2800 University Blvd. N., Arlington, 256-7386, PIECES OF A DREAM The Philly contemporary jazz greats perform at 8 p.m. April 4 at The Ritz Theatre & Museum, 829 N. Davis St., Downtown, 807-2010, $27-$34, CUMMER FAMILY CHAMBER SERIES Pianist Yasuko Tasumi plays at 7:30 p.m. April 7 at University of North Florida’s Recital Hall, 620-2878, STUDENT JAZZ COMBOS JU jazz students perform at 7:30 p.m. April 8 at Jacksonville University’s River House, 256-7386,

BEACHES MUSEUM & HISTORY PARK 413 Beach Blvd., Jax Beach, 241-5657, Palmettos, Piers & Pioneers, an exhibit about Palm Valley, runs through April 5. CUMMER MUSEUM OF ART & GARDENS 829 Riverside Ave., 356-6857, Reflections: Artful Perspectives on the St. Johns River, through Oct. 18. Rothko to Richter: MarkMaking in Abstract Painting from the Collection of Preston H. Haskell, through April 22. All Together: The Sculpture of Chaim Gross, through Oct. 4. British Watercolors through Nov. 29. Public garden tours are 11 a.m. every Tue. and Thur. KARPELES MANUSCRIPT MUSEUM 101 W. First St., Springfield, 356-2992, One Man’s Concerns, an exhibit of Gil Mayers’ mixed-media works, is on display through April 29. LIGHTNER MUSEUM 75 King St., St. Augustine, 824-2874, Curator-led monthly tours are featured at 10 a.m. every first Wed. MANDARIN MUSEUM, WALTER JONES PARK 11964 Mandarin Rd., 268-0784, Permanent exhibits include the Civil War steamship Maple Leaf artifacts, Harriet Beecher Stowe items and Mandarin historical pieces.

MUSEUM OF CONTEMPORARY ART JACKSONVILLE 333 N. Laura St., Downtown, 366-6911, The Art Aviators Exhibition opening reception is 2-4 p.m. April 4. The exhibit is on display through Aug. 16. Project Atrium: Angela Glajcar is on display through June 28. WHITE, featuring 20th-century and contemporary artists working with the color white, through April 26. John Hee Taek Chae, featured in annual Barbara Ritzman Devereux Visiting Artist Workshop, displays in MOCA’s UNF Gallery through April 26. MUSEUM OF SCIENCE & HISTORY 1025 Museum Circle, Southbank, 396-6674, Odyssey’s SHIPWRECK! Pirates & Treasure, has been extended through April 5. Skies Over Jacksonville, a live star show, 2 p.m. daily in the Planetarium. Cosmic Concerts presents Laser Motown at 7 p.m., Beatles at 8 p.m., U2 at 9 p.m. and Dark Side of the Moon at 10 p.m. on April 3 in Bryan-Gooding Planetarium.


44 MONROE ART STUDIO & GALLERY 44 Monroe St., Downtown, 881-0209. Kaytee Esser and Linda Carter sign copies of their automobile-themed book Classic Car-Ma

5-9 p.m. April 1. ALEXANDER BREST GALLERY Jacksonville University, 2800 N. University Blvd., 256-7371. The Division of Visual Arts Annual Thesis Exhibition is on display through April 25. THE ART CENTER II 229 N. Hogan St., Downtown, 355-1757. Under the Sea and Beneath the River is currently on display. BUTTERFIELD GARAGE ART GALLERY137 King St., St. Augustine, 825-4577. The exhibit Community Art Eggstravaganza opens during First Friday Art Walk, 5-9 p.m. April 3. The exhibit is on display through April 28. CRISP-ELLERT ART MUSEUM 48 Sevilla St., St. Augustine, 826-8530, Jacket: A Juried Video Showcase, with video works by 17 international artists, is featured 7 p.m. April 2. Department of Art & Design Faculty Exhibition is on display through April 17. THE CULTURAL CENTER AT PONTE VEDRA BEACH 50 Executive Way, 280-0614. Selected works by Claire Kendrick and Paul Ladnier display through April 27. Jenna Alexander’s exhibit Even Me is on display through April 17. FIRST STREET GALLERY 216-B First St., Neptune Beach, 241-6928. Recent works by Ginifer Brinkley are on display


COREY HOLCOMB The comic of The Tonight Show and Last Comic Standing, is on 8 p.m. April 2, 8 and 10 p.m. April 3 and 6, 8 and 10 p.m. April 4 at the Comedy Zone, 3130 Hartley Rd., Mandarin, $25-$28, 292-4242, DALE JONES Jones, who’s appeared on Last Comic Standing, is on at 8:04 and 10:04 p.m. April 3 and 4 at Comedy Club of Jacksonville, 11000 Beach Blvd., $10-$17, 646-4277, STEVE NETTA Funnyman Netta appears at 7:30 and 10 p.m. April 3 and 7 p.m. and 10 p.m. April 4 at Latitude 360, 10370 Philips Hwy., Southside, $15, 365-5555,


ACTORS WANTED Amelia Musical Playhouse seeks actors for its upcoming production of the musical Songs for a New World at 6 p.m. April 3 at 1955 Island Walkway, Fernandina Beach, 277-3455, HELLO DOLLY AUDITIONS Limelight Theatre auditions for the beloved musical, 6 p.m. April 6 at 11 Old Mission Ave., St. Augustine, 825-1164, COMMUNITY FOUNDATION GRANTS The Community Foundation of Northeast Florida accepts submissions for Art Ventures (deadline May 15) and Dr. JoAnn Crisp-Ellert Fund (deadline May 15). For details, go to VERBAL ESSENCE Open mic poetry and musical performances, 7 p.m. every Mon. at the Ritz Theatre & Museum, free, 807-2010,


FIRST WEDNESDAY ART WALK The downtown art walk, held 5-9 p.m. April 1 with a theme of eARTh Day, features more than 13 live music venues, more than 13 hotspots open after 9 p.m. and 50 total participating venues, spanning 15 blocks in Downtown Jacksonville; jacksonvilleartwalk. com, FIRST FRIDAY ART WALK The tour of Art Galleries of St. Augustine is held from 5-9 p.m. April 3 and every first Fri., with more than 15 galleries participating, 829-0065. COMMUNITY FARMERS & ARTS MARKET Baked goods, preserves, honey, crafts, art, hand-crafted jewelry, 4-7 p.m. every Wed., 4300 St. Johns Ave., Riverside, 607-9935. DOWNTOWN FRIDAY MARKET Arts & crafts, local produce, 10 a.m.-2 p.m. every Fri., The Jacksonville Landing, 2 Independent Dr., Downtown, 353-1188. RIVERSIDE ARTS MARKET Local and regional art, a free yoga session 9-10 a.m., local music – Victoria Zarienga, a River Stage wedding, John Carver Band and UNF Jazz Ensemble 2 starting at 10:30 a.m. April 4 – food artists and a farmers’ row, 10 a.m.-4 p.m. every Sat. under Fuller Warren Bridge, 715 Riverside Ave., free admission, 3892449,


AMELIA ISLAND MUSEUM OF HISTORY 233 S. Third St., Fernandina Beach, 261-7378, Portraits of American Beach is on display. AMERICAN BEACH MUSEUM American Beach Community Center, 1600 Julia St., Fernandina, 277-7960, nassaucountyfl. com/facilities. The Sands of Time: An American Beach Story, celebrating MaVynee Betsch, “The Beach Lady” is on display.

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A&E // ARTS & EVENTS April 2-May 25. An opening reception is 7-9 p.m. April 3. GRACE CHURCH OF AVONDALE 3519 Herschel St., Avondale, 387-0418. Laura A. Stasi’s Seeking the Savior is on display through April 25. GULANI VISION INSTITUTE 8075 Gate Parkway W., Ste. 104, Southside, 616-2821. Susanne Schuenke’s works exhibit through April 12. An artist’s tour is held at 4 p.m. April 7. J. JOHNSON GALLERY 177 Fourth Ave. N., Jax Beach, 435-3200. There is Only Dance: The Paintings of Yolanda Sánchez is on display through May 15. MAIN PUBLIC LIBRARY 1960 Ponce de Leon Blvd. N., St. Augustine, 827-6920. The opening reception for the first Teen Anime Exhibit is 5-7 p.m. April 1. RITZ THEATRE & MUSEUM 829 N. Davis St., 632-5555, Through Our Eyes 2015: Wouldn’t Take Nothing for My Journey (An Artistic Revolution), works of 20 local African-American artists, displays through July 28. ROTUNDA GALLERY St. Johns County Admin. Bldg., 500 San Sebastian View, St. Augustine, 471-9980. The opening reception for the exhibit A Day without Violence is 8:15-9 a.m. April 7. The exhibit is on display through April 23. SOUTH GALLERY FSCJ’s South Campus, 11901 Beach Blvd., Southside, 646-2023. Heroes of the Underground: A Student Response Project is on display through April 1. SOUTHLIGHT GALLERY 201 N. Hogan St., Ste. 100, Downtown, 438-4358, Southlight artists create works from 6-9 p.m. April 1 at Hemming Park. ST. AUGUSTINE VISITOR INFORMATION CENTER 10 W. Castillo Drive, 825-1053, staugustine-450/tapestry. Tapestry: The Cultural Threads of First America, which explores the intertwining cultures of Hispanics, Africans and Native Americans and how they helped form the foundation of the American culture, is on display April 4-Oct. 4. THRASHER-HORNE GALLERIES Thrasher-Horne Center for the Arts, 283 College Dr., Orange Park, 276-6750, thcenter. org. Works by Sarah Crooks Flaire and Charlie Brown are on display through May 28.


FAMILY FILMS AT LIBRARIES Funny Family Films with popcorn are featured at 7 p.m. April 1 at South Mandarin Branch Library, 12125 San Jose Blvd., 288-6385. School’s Out Movie for teens is featured at 2 p.m. April 3 at Mandarin Branch Library, 330 Kori Rd., 262-5201, MARINELAND KAYAK ADVENTURE Ripple Effects Ecotours’ Florida Master Naturalist certified guides lead a paddle 10 a.m.12:30 p.m. April 3, starting at Marineland, 101 Tolstoy Lane, St.

Augustine, $55 adults, $45 kids 15 years old and younger. For reservations, call 347-1565 or GUIDED CULTURAL HIKE Guana Tolomato Matanzas Research Reserve personnel lead this hike 8:30-10:30 a.m. April 4; meet at Trailhead Pavilion, west of Guana Dam, 505 Guana River Rd., Ponte Vedra. Wear closed-toe shoes. $3 parking fee, RSVP at gtmresearchreserveexplorations., 823-4500. EASTER EGG HUNT IN ATLANTIC BEACH The city of Atlantic Beach presents its annual Easter Egg Hunt for children 10 and under, featuring pony rides, petting zoo, games and free refreshments, from 10 a.m.-1 p.m. April 4 at Jordan Park, 1671 Francis Ave., 247-4038, SISTERS IN CRIME The Florida Sisters in Crime get together from 10:15 a.m.-noon on April 4 at Southeast Regional Library, 10599 Deerwood Park Blvd., Jacksonville. Deputy Director Penelope Knox, of the local branch of the U.S. Marshals Service, is the featured speaker. NATURE HIKE A ranger leads a hike at 2 p.m. on April 4, starting at Ribault Club, Ft. George Island Cultural State Park, 11241 Ft. George Road. Bring bug spray and bottled water. Admission is free; 251-2320, littletalbotisland. DAILY EVENTS AT HEMMING PARK Hemming Park offers daily events, including free yoga, group fitness and live music, across from City Hall, 117 W. Duval St., Downtown; for a full schedule of events, go to hemming-park-events. JACKSONVILLE SHARKS VS. ORLANDO PREDATORS Our hometown arena football heroes the Sharks go all Jaws on the Predators at 8 p.m. on April 3 at Veterans Memorial Arena, 300 A. Philip Randolph Blvd., Downtown, $12$142.50, 620-0700, 630-3900. LEGALLY SPEAKING Megan Wall of St. Johns Legal Aid discusses “Should You Put Someone Else’s Name on Your Deed?” from 10-11 a.m. April 10 at River House, 179 Marine St., St. Augustine, 827-9921. FREE TAX HELP Jacksonville Public Libraries offer tax preparation assistance through April 15. For times and locations, go to


TUESDAY, APRIL 7 9 a.m.-noon Speaker Summit featuring Jeff Hoffman, Maya Penn, Ted Murphy and Jason Zook at The Florida Theatre. 1:30-5 p.m. Speaker Summit featuring Jack and Suzy Welch

The opening reception for an exhibit of recent works by GINIFER BRINKLEY is 7-9 p.m. April 3 at First Street Gallery in Neptune Beach. 28 | | APRIL 1-7, 2015

A&E // ARTS & EVENTS at The Florida Theatre. 6-7:30 p.m. Opening ceremony is held at Hemming Park. 7:30-11 p.m. Concert: Echosmith and Mates of State at Hemming Park. WEDNESDAY, APRIL 8 11 a.m.-9 p.m. Creator Showcase, featured in 20 square blocks of Downtown. 11 a.m. Voting and crowdfunding starts. 11 a.m.-10 p.m. Food Village 3-9 p.m. Creator Pitch Deck, Hemming Park 4-9 p.m. Beer Villages open. 5-9 p.m. Creator Music Stage, Jacksonville Landing 8 p.m.-1 a.m. One Spark After Dark Concert: Canary in the Coalmine, This Frontier Needs Heroes, Ha Ha Tonka.

ONE SPARK SOUNDS: Musical artists SUNBEARS! (top) and Mates of State are among the many bands scheduled to perform during the One Spark crowdfunding festival. THURSDAY, APRIL 9 11 a.m. Voting and crowdfunding starts. 11 a.m.-9 p.m. Creator Showcase, Downtown. 11 a.m.-10 p.m. Food Village 3-9 p.m. Creator Pitch Deck, Hemming Park 4-9 p.m. Beer Villages open. 5-9 p.m. Creator Music Stage, Jacksonville Landing 8 p.m.-1 a.m. One Spark After Dark Concert: On Guard, Empire Theory, SUNBEARS! FRIDAY, APRIL 10 11 a.m. Voting and crowdfunding starts. 11 a.m.-9 p.m. Creator Showcase, Downtown. 11 a.m.-10 p.m. Food Village 3-9 p.m. Creator Pitch Deck at Hemming Park 4-9 p.m. Beer Villages open. 5-9 p.m. Creator Music Stage, Jacksonville Landing 8 p.m.-1 a.m. One Spark After Dark concert: Wilder Sons, Domino Effect, Somebody Else. SATURDAY, APRIL 11 9-11 a.m. 5K run, Hemming Park. 11 a.m. Voting, crowdfunding starts. 11 a.m.-9 p.m. Creator Showcase, Downtown 11 a.m.-9:30 p.m. Beer Villages open 11 a.m.-10 p.m. Food Village 3-9 p.m. Creator Pitch Deck at Hemming Park 5-9 p.m. Creator Music Stage, Jacksonville Landing 8 p.m.-1 a.m. One Spark After Dark concert: Gold Light, Sleepwalkers, Kopecky Family Band. SUNDAY, APRIL 12 11 a.m. Voting, crowdfunding starts. 11 a.m.-noon Creator Pitch Deck at Hemming Park 11 a.m.-1 p.m. Creator Pitch Deck, Food Village 11 a.m.-1 p.m. Creator Music Stage, Jacksonville Landing 11 a.m.-3 p.m. Creator Showcase, Downtown. 11 a.m.-5 p.m. Food & Beer Villages open. 1-4:30 p.m. Award Finalist Pitches, Hemming Park 3 p.m. Voting closes. 5-7 p.m. Closing Ceremony, Hemming Park All events are held in Downtown Jacksonville. For details and to purchase tickets for speaker summits and to register for the 5K run, go to

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Supergroup THE BASEBALL PROJECT combines a love for America’s two favorite pastimes: baseball and rock


a dart through your heart, but rather a foul ball ports and music have always had an tattooing some laces to your forehead if you intertwined relationship. Athletes want to aren’t paying attention. be rock stars, and vice versa. Baseball, of “We thought having a band about water polo all the sports, may have the greatest connection would be really boring,” says McCaughey. “It has of all with music. There were odes written to been a fun songwriting exercise; there really is greats like Babe Ruth and Mickey Mantle, John an endless number of tales to pick from.” Fogerty branded “Centerfield” into the brains of When you go see The Baseball Project this anyone whoever went to any ballgame from the week at Colonial Quarter, you can expect a ’80s onward and, most recently, the Dropkick couple of things. Firstly, the songs are fun and Murphys partnered with the Boston Red Sox to the band is great. Secondly, you are going to tackle the Broadway B-side “Tessie” from the hear a bunch of tunes about baseball, ranging 1902 musical production, The Silver Slipper. from things the casual fan may know about As baseball (arguably) is this country’s (Alex Rodriguez’s steroid saga, on “13”) to national pastime, it has existed long enough things only the most hardcore fans may know for writers and artists to build up a fascination (the near-perfect game thrown by Harvey with it, due largely in part to the extremely Haddix in 1959, on “Harvey Haddix”). excellent documentary work of Ken Burns. “We all read a lot about the sport, we all And for many generations of kids, until follow the current doings. Every once in a recently really, baseball was the team sport we while, something comes up that is really crazy all played. It holds a place in Americana lore and we have fans that come up and ask us ‘You and a connection to musicians that football or know who you should write a song about?’,” basketball have yet to occupy. says McCaughey. “The Hall of Fame was giving That connection has brought together a us a behind-the-scenes tour and the tour guide collection of accomplished musicians with a asked if we knew the story about Larry Yount. common passion for hardball: The Baseball We all assumed that he was Hall of Famer Project. Founded by Scott McCaughey (Young Robin Yount’s brother but Fresh Fellows) on vocals we didn’t know anything and guitars, Steve Wynn THE BASEBALL PROJECT about him. Apparently, he (The Dream Syndicate) on with CHUCK PROPHET came in and hurt himself guitars and vocals, Peter 7 p.m. April 3 at Colonial Quarter, 33 warming up before an Buck (R.E.M.) on guitars, St. George St., St. Augustine, $23 inning and never played Mike Mills (R.E.M.) on bass (SRO), again. The arcane stuff like and vocals and Linda Pitmon (The Miracle 3) on drums, that fascinates us.” The Baseball Project is exactly what it sounds There are great stories about the Say-Hey like: A group that creates all sorts of rock songs Kid in “Sometimes I Dream of Willie Mays,” about baseball. Obviously — based on who cautionary tales about putting your phone down they are and what they’ve already accomplished and paying attention at the ballpark in “Look — they are tight. The guitar work is superb and Out, Mom” and a wacky ditty about the potential the rhythm section is deep in the pocket, while double-life of Japanese great Ichiro Suzuki with maintaining the loose style needed for the pub“Ichiro Goes to the Moon.” These aren’t novelty rock style they play. songs for novelty’s sake (to wit, “The Super Bowl Though the theme is unique, it doesn’t Shuffle”). There is a certain sincerity behind overpower the music. “I don’t think it gets lost,” the lyrics. “Gratitude (For Curt Flood)” tells explains McCaughey via cell phone, driving the story of Flood’s struggle to become the first through Florida en route to a slew of Grapefruit player to be a free agent, opening the door for League games. thousands of future players to earn millions of “I think more people are attracted to the dollars, essentially changing the game forever. “They Played Baseball” tells of ballplayers who music we make instead of the baseball stuff. We are human beings, men who can make mistakes, have lots of fans who are fans of the music more reminding us we should be careful just whom we than they are of baseball. They hear bits from put on pedestals. the past from each of us and we end up creating As a warm-up, watch Ken Burns’ 18-andsome new baseball fans along the way.” a-half-hour Baseball documentary in one The lyrics, however, are quite notable, not crazed sitting and then head out to the quite like anything else. These aren’t songs Colonial Quarter this weekend, armed with the about love between a boy and girl, but between backstories behind the lyrics. The music will a fan and a player, or even a fan and a ballpark. rock you on its own, but you may want to know These aren’t songs about the government who Ed Delahanty is and how he died. Play ball! keeping the working man down, but rather about the Hall keeping a player out (sorry, Dale Danny Kelly Murphy). These aren’t songs about Cupid firing

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Local Americana ensemble CANARY IN THE COALMINE release their debut album



was time to get the hell out of Dodge. t’s taken local Americana folk outfit Canary Pounds and Wicker transformed their in the Coalmine more than five years to duo into a full-on band, featuring some of release their debut album. This wouldn’t Jacksonville’s musical heavyweights including seem like a big deal, except the sextet fronted Smith, Pan, bassist/pianist Peter Mosely and by songwriters Jessica Pounds and Sandy drummer Eric Bailey. Wicker has been garnering quite a lot of “It makes it incredibly difficult, but it’s also attention throughout Northeast Florida one of those things that you just have to deal within that time. with if you want the best of the best,” Wicker “It encompasses our brand of Americana says of scheduling practice sessions and gigs. folk, but more eclectic,” Pounds explains of “Everybody’s got their own thing going on, Who Fears the Devil? which dropped in midbut we’ve kind of got it down now.” March. “There are tunes on there that are a little Influenced by everything from Southern bit more traditional with a bluegrass feel and gospel music and Skeeter Davis to Nina then there are some that are — we always use Simone and Nancy Sinatra, Canary in the the term ‘eerily hopeful,’ in that it’s conveyed Coalmine is looking forward to a busy lyrically as well as musically.” year with their debut album release and a Who Fears the Devil? features 10 original Southeast spring tour that takes them from songs written by Pounds and Wicker. It Savannah to Knoxville. was produced by Matt Grondin through “We’ve never really toured before, so this Parlor Studios in New Orleans and includes will be the first time for us as a band to go performances by band members Philip Pan, out,” Wicker says. “We’ve gotten some pretty of the Jacksonville Symphony Orchestra, and great shows where venues have offered to put longtime area music veteran Arvid Smith. us up in hotels, or whoever’s promoting the There are also appearances from show has offered to let us stay with them.” percussionist Nate Werth of Grammy AwardCanary in the Coalmine is also returning winning band Snarky Puppy, drummer Mark to the One Spark crowdfunding festival on Raudabaugh of Donna the Buffalo and Tania April 8 for a performance at the After Dark Elizabeth, currently serving as five-string series at the JAX Chamber lot on Bay Street in fiddle player/violinist for The Avett Brothers. Downtown Jacksonville. “We started work on the album about three “It was awesome years ago,” says Pounds. to be a part of it even CANARY IN THE COALMINE, “We took two trips to though it was in a HA HA TONKA, THIS New Orleans over the smaller capacity than FRONTIER NEEDS HEROES course of six months and some of the other people 8 p.m. April 8, One Spark After Dark, then went through the who got out there,” JAXChamber Parking Lot, 22 E. Bay St., mixing and mastering Pounds says of playing Downtown, process. We weren’t in at One Spark 2014. “You a rush. We also had to can feel the energy. decide if we were going Downtown was buzzing. to go on a label or release it independently; we It was awesome to see the creativity and we’re decided that an independent release was the glad to be a part of it again this year.” best option for us.” With band members ranging in age from 23 to 64, and in occupations from antiques dealer Pounds, age 30, and Wicker, 23, lyricists to symphonic violinist, finding time to tour or and vocalists, met in July 2009 busking on even put out an album has been difficult. Asheville, North Carolina, streets. “It was love at first sound,” as the band’s website explains. “Although we have different experiences Within months, they settled in Jacksonville and this huge age range, at the end of the day, and formed Canary in the Coalmine. when you put us on stage, we share this very The band name is derived from a small common vision and this common experience,” songbird miners kept with them to detect Pounds says. “We came together as organically as we could have and, to me, that’s one of the dangerous gases like methane or carbon best things about this experience.” monoxide. If a gas was present, it would kill the canary before the miners, giving them a Kara Pound head start. If the canary stopped singing, it

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Looking for something to do after choir practice? Death metal heads VITAL REMAINS (pictured) perform with VALE OF PNATH, MADHAUS, THE NOCTAMBULANT and SATURNINE on April 6 at Jack Rabbits.


5 p.m. April 1 at 1904 Music Hall, 19 Ocean St., Downtown. SPADE McQUADE 6 p.m. April 1 at Fionn MacCool’s Irish Pub, Jacksonville Landing, Ste. 176, Downtown, 374-1247. NO ZODIAC, KNOCKED LOOSE, BODY SNATCHER, CULTURE KILLER, BARGAINERS, CARRY THE WEIGHT, PITY OFFER 7 p.m. April 1 at Jack Rabbits, 1528 Hendricks Ave., San Marco, 398-7496, $10. DAN EVANS 7 p.m. April 1 at Ragtime Tavern, 207 Atlantic Blvd., Atlantic Beach, 241-7877. JEFF ZAGERS, CAYS, MOUTH MOUTH, OBELISK, RATE)OV(DECAY, SCARED RABBITS 9 p.m. April 1 at CoRK Arts District, 2689 Rosselle St., Riverside, $5. JASON IVEY 6 p.m. April 2 at Pusser’s Bar & Grille, 816 A1A N., Ponte Vedra Beach, 280-7766. TAKE COVER 7 p.m. April 2, Ragtime Tavern. BE EASY 7:30 p.m. April 2 at Latitude 360, 10370 Philips Hwy., Southside, 365-5555. The BRIGHT LIGHT SOCIAL HOUR, MIGRANT KIDS, MARATHON RUNNER 8 p.m. April 2 Jack Rabbits, $10. 1964 The TRIBUTE 6:30 p.m. April 3 at St. Augustine Amphitheatre, 1340 A1A S., St. Augustine, 209-0367, $29.50-$49.50. LYNYRD SKYNYRD 8 p.m. April 2 & 3 at The Florida Theatre, 128 E. Forsyth St., Downtown, 355-2787. The BASEBALL PROJECT, CHUCK PROPHET 7 p.m. April 3 at Colonial Quarter, 33 St. George St., St. Augustine, 342-2857, $23 (SRO). KING EDDIE & PILI PILI 8 p.m. April 3, Pusser’s Bar & Grille. MEDAL MILITIA (Metallica tribute), SHOOT to THRILL (AC/ DC tribute), EVICTION 8 p.m. April 3, Jack Rabbits, $8. Rock With Live: A MATTER of HONOR, JUST LIKE GENTLEMEN, A CALL for KYLIE, WITH EYES ALIVE, MX TRACY, ALEXIANDER 8 p.m. April 3 at Freebird Live, 200 N. First St., Jax Beach, 246-2473, $8. The HEAVY PETS, DYNOHUNTER, S.P.O.R.E., BELLS and ROBES, ARDENCY 8 p.m. April 3, 1904 Music Hall, $12 advance; $15 day of. DARRELL RAE 8 p.m. April 3, Latitude 360. J.W. TELLER 9 p.m. April 3 at Burro Bar, 100 E. Adams St., Downtown. LITTLE MIKE & the TORNADOES 10 p.m. April 3 & 4, Ragtime Tavern. ROOT of ALL 10 p.m. April 3 at Lynch’s Irish Pub, 541 First St. N., Jax Beach, 249-5181.

LOVE MONKEY 10 p.m. April 3 & 4 at The Roadhouse, 231 Blanding Blvd., Orange Park, 264-0611. CARL & the BLACK LUNGS 10 p.m. April 3 & 4 at Flying Iguana, 207 Atlantic Blvd., Neptune Beach, 853-5680. Riverside Arts Market: VICTORIA ZARIENGA, RIVER STAGE WEDDING, JOHN CARVER BAND, UNF JAZZ ENSEMBLE 2 10:30 a.m. April 4 at 715 Riverside Ave., 389-2449. SouthEast Beast Fest: NEW FOUND GLORY, CAPSIZE, COUNTERPARTS, H20, CITIZEN, DEFEATER, TURNSTILE, THIS WILD LIFE, CRIME in STEREO, FIREWORKS, GIDEON, A LOSS for WORDS, The ORPHAN, The POET, ARTIFEX PEREO, BAD LUCK, BOYS NO GOOD, VILLAINS, XERXES, LIFE of AGONY, BIOHAZARD, WISDOM in CHAINS, EARTH CRISIS, The BANNER, ROTTING OUT, TRUE LOVE 11 a.m. April 4 & 5 at Aqua Nightclub, 1100 Beach Blvd., Southside,, $50. CAN-DOO Fest: O.A.R., TISHAMINGO, THE CORBITT BROS. Noon April 4, Metro Park, Downtown, $35, Five Points Spring Fest: MOYA MOYA, SPEAKING CURSIVE, LAUREL LEE AND THE ESCAPEES, COUGAR BARREL, HERD OF WATTS, ANALOG_BOURNE 2-10 p.m. April 4 at 1000 Block of Park Street, Riverside. ALLELE, FALL to JUNE, PRIDELESS, SECONDS AWAY, CHAYO NASH, SIMPLE NATURAL 5 p.m. April 4, 1904 Music Hall, $10. DELLA MAE, The WILLOWWACKS 7 p.m. April 4, Colonial Quarter, $20 (SRO). REBECCA DAY, JENN THOMPSON 7 p.m. April 4, Pusser’s Bar & Grille. CORBITT BROTHERS, COME BACK ALICE, HOLY MISS MOLLY 8 p.m. April 4, Freebird Live, $10. FINBAR, MY EXCUSE, PARADIME, FRINGES, ANTHONY & the SECOND VERSE 8 p.m. April 4, Jack Rabbits, $8. OCEANSTONE 10 p.m. April 4, Lynch’s Irish Pub. AARON KOERNER 3 p.m. April 5, Pusser’s Bar & Grille. VITAL REMAINS, VALE of PNATH, MADHAUS, The NOCTAMBULANT, SATURNINE 7 p.m. April 6, Jack Rabbits, $8. One Spark Opening Ceremony: MATES OF STATE, ECHOSMITH 7:30 p.m. April 7 at Hemming Park, 303 N. Laura St., Downtown, SAMUEL SANDERS 6 p.m. April 8, Pusser’s Bar & Grille. NEIL DIXON 7 p.m. April 8, Ragtime Tavern. The STEEP CANYON RANGERS, RIVERNECKS 7 p.m. April 8 at Ponte Vedra Concert Hall, 1050 A1A N., 209-0399, $35 (SRO). BAREFOOT MOVEMENT 7:30 p.m. April 8 at Mudville Music Room, 3104 Atlantic Blvd., San Marco, 352-7008, $10. One Spark After Dark: HA HA TONKA, THIS FRONTIER NEEDS HEROES, CANARY in the COALMINE, DJ LIL’ BOY 8 p.m. April 8; SUNBEARS!, EMPIRE THEORY, On GUARD, DJ LIL’ BOY 8 p.m. April 9; SOMEBODY ELSE, DOMINO EFFECT, WILDER SONS, DJ LIL’ BOY 8 p.m. April 10; KOPECKY, FIREKID, GOLD LIGHT, DJ LIL’ BOY 8 p.m. April 11 at JAXChamber Parking Lot, 22 E. Bay St., Downtown,



APRIL 1-7, 2015 | | 33

LIVE + LOCAL MUSIC JEFFRIES BAND, JUKE April 16-18, Spirit of the Suwannee Music Park MICHAEL MARTIN Band, CRAZY DAYSIES April 16, Jack Rabbits The SPLINTERS April 16, Ragtime Tavern BONERAMA April 16, Mojo Kitchen FSCJ Interpreter Fundraiser: JULIE DURDEN April 16, Mudville Music Room ROBERT IRVINE April 16, The Florida Theatre GRAVY, FUTURE THIEVES April 17, Jack Rabbits FLYLEAF, FIT for RIVALS, DIAMANTE, FALLING for SCARLETT April 17, Freebird Live BOOGIE FREAKS April 17 & 18, Ragtime Tavern PAUL LUNDGREN BAND April 17 & 18, Flying Iguana FRATELLO April 17 & 18, The Roadhouse HERITAGE BLUES ORCHESTRA April 17, Ritz Theatre Springing the Blues: CHUBBY CARRIER & the BAYOU SWAMP BAND, SELWYN BIRCHWOOD, EDDIE SHAW & the WOLF GANG, TINSLEY ELLIS, JOHN NEMETH, SAMANTHA FISH, SHARRIE WILLIAMS, The LEE BOYS, CEDRIC BURNSIDE, LIGHTNIN’ MALCOLM, KARA GRAINGER, BETTY FOX BAND, BACKTRACK BLUES BAND, HOMEMADE JAMZ BAND, BRADY CLAMPITT, LINDA GRENVILLE, JIM McKABA & AFTER HOURS BAND, PARKERURBAN BAND, WOODY & the PECKERS, BAY STREET, UNCLE JONNY’S BLUES MACHINE April 17-19, SeaWalk Pavilion The LACS April 18, Mavericks A NEW DECREE April 18, Jack Rabbits CHAQUIS MALIQ, LEE HUNTER, JOEY KERR & MARY LOU, SCOTT JONES DANCERS April 18, Riverside Arts Market The RED JUMPSUIT APPARATUS, SKYLIT DRIVE, WOLVES at the GATE, BREAKING THROUGH April 18, Beach Blvd Concert Hall MARY LOU, LEE HUNTER April 18, Mudville Music Room BOB DYLAN April 18, St. Augustine Amphitheatre The WHO, JOAN JETT & the BLACKHEARTS April 19, Veterans Memorial Arena ISKA DHAAF Apirl 19, rain dogs CAGE the ELEPHANT April 19, Mavericks DICK DALE April 21, Jack Rabbits STOKESWOOD, GHOST OWL, S.P.O.R.E., LUCKY COSTELLO April 22, Freebird Live TONIGHT ALIVE April 22, 1904 Music Hall NICK DITTMEIER & the SAWDUSTERS April 22, Jack Rabbits

34 | | APRIL 1-7, 2015

SMOKE UP, JOHNNY: Local faves CARL & THE BLACK LUNGS play April 3 & 4 at Flying Iguana in Neptune Beach.

TIM BARRY, SAM RUSSO, WEIGHTED HANDS April 23, Jack Rabbits TOMMY TALTON April 23, Mudville Music Room MID-LIFE CRISIS April 23, Ragtime Tavern The Very Best of Celtic Thunder: DAMIAN McGINTY April 23, Florida Theatre ALAN JACKSON, JON PARDI, BRANDY CLARK April 24, St. Augustine Amphitheatre BHAGAVAN DAS April 24-26, Karpeles Museum HOME FREE A Capella Group April 24, Ponte Vedra Concert Hall RAIN (Beatles tribute) April 24, The Florida Theatre CHERUB, MYSTERY SKULLS, FORTBOWIE April 24, Freebird Live CLOUD 9 April 24, Ragtime Tavern TYLER the CREATOR April 24, Mavericks MIKE SHACKELFORD April 24, Mudville Music Room COMFORT ZONE April 24 & 25, The Roadhouse BLACK CAT BONE April 24 & 25, Flying Iguana JEFFERSON STARSHIP April 25, Ponte Vedra Concert Hall SCHOLARS WORD April 25, Freebird Live CLAY RENDERING, ARS PHOENIX, BURNT HAIR, MOUTH MOUTH, VIRGIN FLOWER April 25, rain dogs PAUL LUNDGREN BAND April 25, Ragtime Tavern Duval Spring Fest: JAH ELECT & the I QUALITY BAND, DEZ NADO, ASKMEIFICARE, BIG BOI MONEYMAKERS, LANKDIZZIM, MR. LOW, B.O.A.T., ANTONIYO GREENWAY, MR. WHITTY, MONI, JOHN CRUIZ, BANGEM, G SLIM April 25, Jack Rabbits RIDE with ME April 25, 1904 Music Hall LaVILLA JAZZ BAND & CHAMBER ORCHESTRA, MIKE SHACKELFORD & STEVE SHANHOLTZER April 25, Riverside Arts Market CHRIS O’LEARY GROUP April 25, Mudville Music Room Welcome to Rockville: SLIPKNOT, KORN, GODSMACK, SLAYER, MARILYN MANSON, MINISTRY, SLASH, MYLES KENNEDY & the CONSPIRATORS, TESTAMENT, EXODUS, PAPA ROACH, BREAKING BENJAMIN, SUICIDAL TENDENCIES April 25 & 26, Metro Park The MOWGLIS, NIGHT RIOTS, FENCES, HIPPO CAMPUS April 26, Jack Rabbits PERMISSION April 26, Ragtime Tavern MIKE SHACKELFORD Acoustic Night April 26, Bull Park, Atlantic Beach The ROBERT CRAY BAND, SHEMEKIA COPELAND April 27, Ponte Vedra Concert Hall

KURT LANHAM April 29, Ragtime Tavern CHRIS BOTTI April 30, The Florida Theatre MARCHFOURTH MARCHING BAND April 30, Freebird Live GAMBLEFEST KICKOFF April 30, Mudville Music Room WILCO May 1, St. Augustine Amphitheatre SIDEWALK 65 May 1 & 2, Ragtime Tavern WEEKEND ATLAS, LANEY JONES & the SPIRITS May 1, Burro Bar EARL SWEATSHIRT May 1, Mavericks TOOTS LORRAINE, BAY STREET May 2, Mojo Kitchen IRATION May 2, Mavericks HOZIER May 5, The Florida Theatre NEUTRAL MILK HOTEL May 7, Ponte Vedra Concert Hall BRAND NEW, MANCHESTER ORCHESTRA, KEVIN DEVINE May 7, St. Augustine Amphitheatre GHOST of the BLUES May 8, The Florida Theatre JOSE FELICIANO May 8, St. Augustine Amphitheatre ZZ TOP, JEFF BECK May 9, St. Augustine Amphitheatre JENNY LEWIS May 9, Ponte Vedra Concert Hall LISA LOEB, FLAGSHIP ROMANCE May 10, Ponte Vedra Concert Hall MAT KEARNEY, JUDAH & the LION May 11, Ponte Vedra Concert Hall JASON ISBELL, CRAIG FINN May 12, The Florida Theatre STRUNG OUT, RED CITY RADIO, LA ARMADA, FLAG on FIRE May 13, Freebird Live NATURAL CHILD May 13, Shanghai Nobby’s JOHN MAYALL May 13, Ponte Vedra Concert Hall REAL FRIENDS, KNUCKLEPUCK May 14, Freebird Live RODNEY CARRINGTON May 14, Times-Union Center PIERCE PETTIS May 14, Café Eleven NEEDTOBREATHE, BEN RECTOR, COLONY HOUSE, DREW HOLCOMB & the NEIGHBORS May 14, St. Augustine Amphitheatre ED KOWALCZYK May 15, Ponte Vedra Concert Hall STANLEY JORDAN May 15, Ritz Theatre JOHN FOGERTY May 15, St. Augustine Amphitheatre OLD CROW MEDICINE SHOW, DEVIL MAKES THREE May 16, St. Augustine Amphitheatre Starry Nights: THE BEACH BOYS, JACKSONVILLE SYMPHONY ORCHESTRA May 16, Metro Park IGGY AZALEA May 18, Veterans Memorial Arena DEVON ALLMAN May 20, Mojo Kitchen STEVE EARLE & the DUKES, The MASTERSONS May 21, Ponte Vedra Concert Hall Jax Jazz Fest: SOUL REBELS, TITO PUENTE JR. ORCHESTRA, FELIX PEIKLI & the ROYAL FLUSH QUINTET, ROMAN STREET, KELLYLEE EVANS, SPYRO GYRA, MACEO PARKER, POSTMODERN JUKEBOX, JAZZ ATTACK (Peter White, Richard Elliot, Euge Groove), MICHAEL FRANKS, JACKSONVILLE SYMPHONY ORCHESTRA, PEABO BRYSON, ANDY SNITZER, IGNACIO BERROA, NOEL FREIDLINE QUINTET, LISA McCLENDON, ELISHA PARRIS, LINDA COLE & JOSH BOWLUS, ERIC CARTER, JOHN LUMPKIN TRIO May 21-24, Downtown Florida Folk Festival Kickoff: DEL SUGGS May 21, Mudville Music Room CHRIS THOMAS KING May 21, Mojo Kitchen BIANCO DEL RIO May 21, Times-Union Center TODD RUNDGREN May 22 & 24, Ponte Vedra Concert Hall Palatka Blue Crab Fest: JEFF COFFEY, AMY DALLEY, HIGHWAY to HELL (AC/DC tribute) May 22-25, Downtown Palatka BOSTON May 24, St. Augustine Amphitheatre MIKE SHACKELFORD Acoustic Night May 24, Bull Park, Atlantic Beach KINGSLAND ROAD May 24, Jack Rabbits Rock on the River: AWOLNATION, PANIC! at the DISCO, ROBERT DELONG, VINYL THEATRE, PALM TREES, POWER LINES, EVERSAY May 25, Jacksonville Landing FRICTION FARM, CHARLIE ROBERTSON May 28, Mudville Music Room

LIVE + LOCAL MUSIC DEAD WINTER CARPENTERS May 29, Mojo Kitchen MIKE SHACKELFORD May 29, Mudville Music Room PSYCHEDELIC FURS May 31, Ponte Vedra Concert Hall BRIT FLOYD (Pink Floyd Tribute) June 2, The Florida Theatre RUSTY SHINE June 6, The Roadhouse KIM WATERS June 6, Ritz Theatre The GIPSY KINGS June 11, The Florida Theatre SETH WALKER June 11, Mudville Music Room BOOGIE FREAKS June 12 & 13, The Roadhouse DAVID CROSBY June 13, Ponte Vedra Concert Hall Florida Country Superfest: ZAC BROWN BAND, KEITH URBAN, BRANTLEY GILBERT, COLE SWINDELL, TYLER FARR, DAVID NAIL, COLT FORD, DANIELLE BRADBERY, SWON BROTHERS June 13 & 14, EverBank Field CHARLI XCX June 15, Freebird Live Happy Together Tour: The TURTLES, FLO & EDDIE, The ASSOCIATION, MARK LINDSAY, The GRASSROOTS, The COWSILLS, The BUCKINGHAMS June 16, Florida Theatre PIERCE PETTIS June 26, Mudville Music Room NATURAL INSTINCTS June 26 & 27, The Roadhouse STYX June 26, The Florida Theatre FOR KING & COUNTRY June 27, Christ Church Southside MICHAEL RENO HARRELL June 27, Mudville Music Room MIKE SHACKELFORD Acoustic Night June 28, Bull Park, Atlantic Beach DON McLEAN July 2, The Florida Theatre CHILLY RHINO July 3 & 4, The Roadhouse Warped Tour: ALIVE LIKE ME, AS IT IS, BABY BABY, ARGENT, BEAUTIFUL BODIES, BEING as an OCEAN, BLACK BOOTS, BLACK VEIL BRIDES, BLESSTHEFALL, BORN CAGES, KOO KOO KANGA ROO, BOYMEETSWORLD, CANDY HEARTS, ESCAPE the FATE, FAMILY FORCE 5, FIT for a KING, HANDGUNS, HANDS LIKE HOUSES, I KILLED the PROM QUEEN, KOSHA DILLZ, LE CASTLE VANIA, LEE COREY OSWALD, M4SONIC, MATCHBOOK ROMANCE, NECK DEEP, NIGHT NIGHT RIOTS, PALISADES, SPLITBREED, The RELAPSE SYMPHONY, TRANSIT, The WONDER YEARS, TROPHY EYES, WHILE SHE SLEEPS, YOUTH in REVOLT July 6, Morocco Shrine Auditorium STEVE FORBERT TRIO July 10, Mudville Music Room BARENAKED LADIES, VIOLENT FEMMES, COLIN HAY July 11, St. Augustine Amphitheatre SHANIA TWAIN July 15, Veterans Memorial Arena CHROME HEART July 17 & 18, The Roadhouse SLIGHTLY STOOPID, DIRTY HEADS, STICK FIGURE July 23, St. Augustine Amphitheatre PURE PRAIRIE LEAGUE, FIREFALL, ATLANTA RHYTHM SECTION July 25, The Florida Theatre ROB THOMAS, PLAIN WHITE T’s July 25, St. Augustine Amphitheatre MIKE SHACKELFORD Acoustic Night July 26, Bull Park, Atlantic Beach MY MORNING JACKET, MINI MANSIONS Aug. 1, St. Augustine Amphitheatre “WEIRD AL” YANKOVIC Aug. 16, The Florida Theatre TIM McGRAW Aug. 20, Veterans Memorial Arena MIKE SHACKELFORD Acoustic Night Aug. 30, Bull Park, Atlantic Beach NICKELBACK Sept. 1, Veterans Memorial Arena BRITTANY SHANE Sept. 25, Mudville Music Room AMELIA ISLAND JAZZ FEST Oct. 8-15, Fernandina Beach The CHARLIE DANIELS BAND Oct. 22, The Florida Theatre TAB BENOIT Oct. 22, Ponte Vedra Concert Hall MARK KNOPFLER Oct. 27, St. Augustine Amphitheatre RONNIE MILSAP Nov. 29, The Florida Theatre BRIAN REGAN Dec. 13, The Florida Theatre

BORN AND RAISED: Northeast Florida’s finest, LYNYRD SKYNYRD, perform April 2 & 3 at The Florida Theatre.

music every Wed.-Sun. BRASS ANCHOR PUB, 2292 Mayport Rd., Ste. 35, Atlantic Beach, 249-0301 Joe Oliff April 1 & 8 CASA MARINA HOTEL, 691 First St. N., 270-0025 Ryan Crary, Johnny Flood April 2 CULHANE’S, 967 Atlantic Blvd., Atlantic Beach, 249-9595 DJ Hal every Sat. ESPETO BRAZILIAN Steakhouse, 1396 Beach Blvd., 388-4884 Steve & Carlos 6 p.m. April 2 FLYING IGUANA, 207 Atlantic Blvd., Neptune Beach, 853-5680 Red Beard & Stinky E April 2. Carl & the Black Lungs 10 p.m. April 3 & 4. Darren Corlew April 5 FREEBIRD LIVE, 200 N. First St., 246-2473 Rock With Live: A Matter of Honor, Just Like Gentlemen, A Call for Kylie, With Eyes Alive, MX Tracy, Alexiander 8 p.m. April 3. Corbitt Brothers, Come Back Alice, Holy Miss Molly 8 p.m. April 4. Treehouse, Cloud 9 Vibes, Ellameno Beat April 10 HARMONIOUS MONKS, 320 First St. N., 372-0815 Live music 9 p.m. every Fri. & Sat. Dan Evans, Spade McQuade 6

p.m. every Sun. Back From the Brink 9 p.m. every Mon. LILLIE’S COFFEE BAR, 200 First St., Neptune Beach, 249-2922 Lauren Fincham April 3. Hot Shock April 4 LYNCH’S IRISH PUB, 514 N. First St., 249-5181 Root of All 10 p.m. April 3. Oceanstone 10 p.m. April 4. Live music nightly MELLOW MUSHROOM, 1018 N. Third St., 246-1500 Live music every Wed.-Sat. MEZZA Restaurant & Bar, 110 First St., N.B., 249-5573 Neil Dixon every Tue. Gypsies Ginger every Wed. Mike Shackelford & Steve Shanholtzer every Thur. NORTH BEACH BISTRO, 725 Atlantic Blvd., Atlantic Beach, 372-4105 Live music every Fri. & Sat. OCEAN 60, 60 Ocean Blvd., A.B., 247-0060 Taylor Roberts 7 p.m. April 1 & 2 RAGTIME TAVERN, 207 Atlantic Blvd., Atlantic Beach, 241-7877 Dan Evans 7 p.m. April 1. Take Cover 7 p.m. April 2. Little Mike & the Tornadoes 10 p.m. April 3 & 4. Three the Band April 5. Neil Dixon 7 p.m. April 8


DAVID’S Restaurant & Lounge, 802 Ash St., 310-6049 John Springer every Tue.-Wed. Aaron Bing 6 p.m. every Fri. & Sat. GREEN TURTLE TAVERN, 14 S. Third St., 321-2324 Buck Smith every Thur. Yancy Clegg every Sun. Vinyl Record Nite every Tue. SLIDERS, 1998 S. Fletcher Ave., 277-6652 Live music every Wed.-Sun.


CASBAH CAFÉ, 3628 St. Johns Ave., 981-9966 Goliath Flores 9 p.m. every Wed. Live jazz every Sun. Live music every Mon. ECLIPSE, 4219 St. Johns Ave. KJ Free 9 p.m. every Tue. & Thur. Indie dance 9 p.m. every Wed. ’80s & ’90s dance at 9 p.m. every Fri. MELLOW MUSHROOM, 3611 St. Johns, 388-0200 Live music every Thur.-Sat.


(All venues in Jax Beach unless otherwise noted)

BILLY’S BOATHOUSE, 2321 Beach Blvd., 241-9771 Live

APRIL 1-7, 2015 | | 35

LIVE + LOCAL MUSIC SLIDERS SEAFOOD GRILLE, 218 First St., Neptune Beach, 2460881 Live music 6 p.m. every Thur., 6:30 p.m. every Fri. & Sat. WIPEOUTS GRILL, 1589 Atlantic Blvd., Neptune Beach, 2474508 Live music every Fri. & Sat.


1904 MUSIC HALL, 19 Ocean St. N. Moon Hooch, Lucky Costello, Solar Ellpisis 5 p.m. April 1. The Heavy Pets, Dynohunter, S.P.O.R.E., Bells and Robes, Ardency 8 p.m. April 3. Allele, Fall to June, Prideless, Seconds Away, Chayo Nash, Simple Natural 5 p.m. April 4 BURRO BAR, 100 E. Adams St. J.W. Teller 9 p.m. April 3 DOS GATOS, 123 E. Forsyth St., 354-0666 BlackJack every Wed. DJ Brandon every Thur. DJs spin dance music every Fri. DJ NickFresh every Sat. DJ Randall 9 p.m. every Mon. DJ Hollywood every Tue. FIONN MacCOOL’S, Jax Landing, Ste. 176, 374-1247 Spade McQuade 6 p.m. April 1 & 8. Brett Foster 8 p.m. April 4. Live music 8 p.m.-mid. April 10. Live music every Wed.-Sun. JACKSONVILLE LANDING, 2 Independent Dr., 353-1188 The Sweet Low Down Band 5-9 p.m. April 1. Ritmo y Sabor 8 p.m. April 3. Boogie Freaks 8 p.m. April 4. Red Beard & Stinky E 9 p.m. April 8. Austin Park 9 p.m.-mid. April 9 MARK’S DOWNTOWN, 315 E. Bay, 355-5099 DJ Roy Luis every Wed. DJ Vinn every Thur. DJ 007 every Fri. Bay Street every Sat. MAVERICKS, Jax Landing, 356-1110 Joe Buck, DJ Justin every Thur.-Sat. UNDERBELLY, 113 E. Bay St., 699-8186 Live music most weekends


WHITEY’S FISH CAMP, 2032 C.R. 220, 269-4198 Live music every Fri. & Sat. DJ Throwback 8 p.m. every Thur. Deck music every Fri., Sat. & Sun.


CLIFF’S Bar & Grill, 3033 Monument Rd., 645-5162 Live music April 3 & 4. Live music every Fri. & Sat. JERRY’S Sports Grille, 13170 Atlantic Blvd., 220-6766 Lucky Stiff April 3. Mr. Natural April 4 YOUR PLACE, 13245 Atlantic, 221-9994 RadioLove April 2


HARMONIOUS MONKS, 10550 Old St. Augustine Rd., 880-3040 Open mic: Synergy 8 p.m. every Wed. SAUCY TACO, 450 S.R. 13, 287-8226 Stu Weaver 7 p.m. April 3


CLUB RETRO, 1241 Blanding Blvd., 579-4731 ’70s & ’80s dance 8 p.m. every Fri. & Sat. DJ Capone every Wed. THE HILLTOP, 2030 Wells, 272-5959 John Michael plays piano every Tue.-Sat. PREVATT’S SPORTS BAR, 2620 Blanding Blvd., 282-1564 Live music April 4. DJ Tammy 9 p.m. every Wed. THE ROADHOUSE, 231 Blanding Blvd., 264-0611 Love Monkey 10 p.m. April 3 & 4. Boogie Freaks 10 p.m. every Wed. DJ Big Mike 10 p.m. every Thur. Open mic auditions every Mon.


PUSSER’S GRILLE, 816 A1A, 280-7766 Samuel Sanders 6-8 p.m. April 1 & 8. Jason Ivey 6 p.m. April 2. King Eddie & Pili Pili April 3. Rebecca Day, Jenn Thompson 7 p.m. April 4. Aaron Koerner 3 p.m. April 5. Catoe White April 9 TABLE 1, 330 A1A N., 280-5515 Savannah Aust April 1. Gary Starling April 2.


ACROSS THE STREET, 948 Edgewood Ave. S., 683-4182 Backwater Bible Salesman April 6 MURRAY HILL THEATRE, 932 Edgewood Ave. S., 3887807 Corey Kilgannon EP release, Joshua Wicker, Boysin, The Somethings April 4 RIVERSIDE ARTS MARKET, 715 Riverside Ave., 389-2449 Victoria Zarienga, John Carver Band, UNF Jazz Ensemble 2 starting 10:30 a.m. April 4

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THE FAUX FAB FOUR: Deemed the “Best Beatles Tribute on Earth” by Rolling Stone, 1964 THE TRIBUTE perform April 3 at St. Augustine Amphitheatre.


BARLEY REPUBLIC, 48 Spanish St., 547-2023 Live local music every Thur.-Sun. CAFE ELEVEN, 501 A1A Beach Blvd., St. Augustine Beach, 460-9311 Caravan of Thieves 8 p.m. April 10 THE CELLAR UPSTAIRS, 157 King St., 826-1594 The Committee April 3. Gary Douglas Campbell 2 p.m., The Committee 7 p.m. April 4. Vinny Jacobs 2 p.m. April 5 DOS COFFEE & WINE, 300 San Marco Ave., 342-2421 Jazz every Sun. HARRY’S, 46 Avenida Menendez, 824-7765 Local live music nightly MILL TOP TAVERN, 19 St. George St., 829-2329 Denny Blue 5 p.m., True Blue 9 p.m. April 3. Donny Brazile 5 p.m., True Blue 9 p.m. April 4. Stava Nala 1 p.m., Donny Brazile 5 p.m. April 5 PAULA’S BEACHSIDE GRILL, 6896 A1A S., Crescent Beach, 471-3463 Denny Blue open mic jam 6-9 p.m. April 1 TRADEWINDS LOUNGE, 124 Charlotte St., 829-9336 Live music 9 p.m. every Fri. & Sat.


INDOCHINE, 1974 San Marco Blvd., 503-7013 Dance Radio Underground, Sugar & Cream, Black Hoodie, Bass Therapy Sessions, Allan GIz-Roc Oteyza, TrapNasty, Cry Havoc, every Sat. JACK RABBITS, 1528 Hendricks Ave., 398-7496 No Zodiac, Knocked Loose, Body Snatcher, Culture Killer, Bargainers, Carry the Weight, Pity Offer 7 p.m. April 1. Bright Light Social Hour, Migrant Kids, Marathon Runner 8 p.m. April 2. Medal Militia (Metallica tribute), Shoot to Thrill (AC/DC tribute) April 3. Finbar, My Excuse, Paradime, Fringes, Anthony & the Second Verse 8 p.m. April 4. Vital remains, Vale of Pnath, Madhaus, The Noctambulant, Saturnine April 6. Sick of Sarah, The Last Year April 9 MUDVILLE MUSIC ROOM, 3104 Atlantic Blvd., 352-7008 Gary Starling 7:30 p.m. April 1. Barefoot Movement 7:30 p.m. April 8. Julie Durden, Meredith Woodard, Lauren LaPointe 7:30 p.m. April 9 THE PARLOUR, 2000 San Marco Blvd., 396-4455 Live music every Thur.-Sat.


AQUA NIGHTCLUB, 11000 Beach Blvd., 334-2122 SouthEast Beast Fest: New Found Glory, Capsize, Counterparts, H20, Citizen, Defeater, Turnstile, This Wild Life, Crime in Stereo, Fireworks, Gideon, A Loss for Words, The Orphan, The Poet, Artifex Pereo, Bad Luck, Boys No Good, Villains, Xerxes, Life of Agony, Biohazard, Wisdom in Chains, Earth Crisis, The Banner, Rotting Out, True Love, Biohazard, Letlive., Rotting Out, Earth Crisis, Kids Like Us, Another Mistake, Apathy, The Banner, CDC, Chains, Cross Me, Down in It, Drown, Engraved, Head Creeps, Incited, Lifeless, Old Wounds, Point Blank, Rhythm of Fear, Sworn Enemy, True Love, Vulgar Display, War Story April 4 & 5 BAHAMA BREEZE, 10205 River Coast Dr., 646-1031 Tropico Steel Drums April 1 CORNER BISTRO, 9823 Tapestry Park Cir., 619-1931 Matt Hall every Wed.-Sat. Steve Wheeler every Fri. LATITUDE 360, 10370 Philips Hwy., 365-5555 DJ Fellin April 2, 3 & 5. Be Easy 7:30 p.m. April 2 MELLOW MUSHROOM, 9734 Deer Lake Ct., Ste. 1, 9971955 Live music every Wed.-Sat. MY PLACE BAR & GRILL, 9550 Baymeadows Rd., 7375299 Chuck Nash April 7. Fat Cactus every Mon. Live music


9 p.m. every night WHISKEY JAX, 10915 Baymeadows Rd., 634-7208 Live music every Wed.-Sun. WILD WING CAFÉ, 4555 Southside Blvd., 998-9464 Open mic April 2. Live music every Fri. & Sat. WORLD OF BEER, 9700 Deer Lake Ct., Ste. 1, 551-5929

Mitch Kuhman 8 p.m. April 2. Live music every Fri. & Sat.


SHANTYTOWN, 22 W. Sixth St., 798-8222 Weed, Blunt Gutz 9 p.m. April 10



FOR TOO LONG, I HAVE BEEN TEARING LOCAL musicians’ releases to ribbons, often to the chagrin, more often to the amusement of, the reading audience and the musicians themselves. Sure, once in a while you get the guy who wants to kick your ass in a dark parking lot at 2 a.m., but for the most part, everyone’s good-humored about it. Still, as a tip of the hat to some of the bands I have taken a bite out of, and to give them a taste of revenge, I sent out copies of my new Dovetonsil double-CD release, Chant Unchant, to local musicians about whom I have written, and I asked them to review it right here in THE KNIFE. Some submitted very lengthy critiques. Others kept it brief. For the uninitiated, I have been writing, producing and performing music since I was in my teens. When I began writing original music – both commercial and personal – I distinguished my own material by using the name Dovetonsil. That band, in all of its various configurations, has released three albums.

groove into a chill folk number. That’s what I enjoyed. I would like to thank John for letting me write a brief, if not grammatically incorrect and pointless, review.” SAM FARMER, guitarist for URSULA: “Dovetonsil could be an exercise in selfamusement for John or an attempt to maintain sanity between professional gigs that range from apathetic restaurant crowds to animatronic penguins. John could have easily kept Chant Unchant to himself. I, for one, am glad he’s decided to share. Only a few songs miss the mark for me, but with 33 songs – from absurd musical theater to Aristocrat-esque, instrumental mathmetal – I can afford to be picky.”


OK, ON WITH THE REVIEWS … We’ll begin with songwriter SUMMER GOODMAN, who has an EP out on Jacksonville University’s Dolphinium Records. She submitted a fiveparagraph critique. Here are the highlights: “As some of you may be aware, the main man behind this album recently reviewed mine (igniting quite the internet scandal, I might add). [Chant Unchant is] a massive album, containing 33 songs. The second track is ‘Remi and the Runaways.’ I couldn’t find myself fully buying into this tale, and for some reason it reminded of the song from Rent that nobody really likes. It’s a little too melodramatic for my tastes. One of my favorite tracks is ‘Antahkarana.’ It’s a song entirely of vocals, all of which Mr. Citrone did himself. No easy feat. Apart from being flat at a few points, including the last note (I felt robbed), it was an almost seamless blend of harmonies that put a smile on this snobby vocalist’s face.” Next up, TOMMY BRIDGEWATER, bassist for THE GROOVE COALITION: “This CD is as close to a masterpiece as you can get. The vocal performances by Katie Sacks and Aaron DeCicco are stellar. Odd time signatures, straight funky stuff followed by Americana and punk. It reminds of the days when musicians really spent time to make the album an experience instead of a product driven by sales. Sonically, It’s the shit. I’m afraid most of this record won’t get any radio play because it just too fucking good for radio. But, if I know John, radio play was never the goal.” Now a word from metalhead PHILLIP NEWTON, guitarist for THE NOCTAMBULANT: “ ‘Gundown,’ ‘Kitty with a Man Face,’ ‘Seaside’ and ‘I Believe’ were my [favorites] off this album. One song will have super-tight harmonies, then the next will be a Dead Milkmen-esque punk song, a tune like something Dillinger or Mr. Bungle would put out, followed by a deceptively sweet-sounding jazz tune, an ’80s electric synth

JUSTICE KRAGIEL, drummer for THE EMBRACED: “Spock’s Beard. Grandpa’s Cough Medicine. Tool. Genesis. Led Zeppelin. Dream Theater. Faith No More. Victor Wooten. My bad high school garage bands. Limp Bizkit. Buckwheat. Planet X. The Flobots. Miles Davis. Satan. Cheesy Musicals. Platypus. Pain of Salvation. Coffeehouse acoustic acts. Beck. The Mahavishnu Orchestra. Stoned-sounding musicians that are not stoned. Weird Al Yankovic. Elevator Muzak. And, of course, Frank Zappa.” From hip-hop artist MR. AL PETE: “Some of these joints, I would definitely ‘let my nuts hang and do some back flips’ (for you ‘Knife’ readers, reference back to when he ‘Knife’d’ me, and it means ‘kick some dope rhymes effortlessly’). Great work, Mr. John, let’s create something in the future.” We’ll close with a few words from GRANT NIELSEN, leader of JACKSONVEGAS. When I wrote about his latest effort, a generally favorable review, his fans were up in arms because I said one of his songs sucked. Well, it did. So this is what I got from Nielsen: “I figured you were gonna have enough people giving you the ‘compliment sandwich’ and kissing your ass on this thing, so I just gave you a paragraph roasting it instead.” Chant Unchant is a schizophrenic musical nightmare of epic proportion, laden with unnerving dissonance and sacrilegious motifs. There are also some bad points. I’m joking, of course … It’s all bad. I honestly can’t tell if this scattershot attempt at a record offers something for everyone or nothing to anyone. My only hope is that John Citrone can somehow forge a relationship with Jesus. Praise Him.” John E. Citrone APRIL 1-7, 2015 | | 37

Levi Broadwell and Al Chanthalack at Tomo Japanese Restaurant, on Penman Road in Jax Beach, make sushi while putting curry katsudon, pork belly and ramen on display. Photo by Dennis Ho


29 SOUTH EATS, 29 S. Third St., 277-7919, 29southrest F In historic downtown, Chef Scotty Schwartz serves traditional regional cuisine with a modern twist. $$ L Tue.-Sat.; D Mon.-Sat.; R Sun. BARBERITOS, 1519 Sadler Rd., 277-2505. 463867 S.R. 200, Ste. 5, Yulee, 321-2240, F Southwestern fare; burritos, tacos, quesadillas, salsa. $$ BW K TO L D Daily BRETT’S WATERWAY CAFÉ, 1 S. Front St., 261-2660. F Southern hospitality, upscale waterfront spot; daily specials, fresh local seafood, aged beef. $$$ FB K L D Daily CAFÉ KARIBO, 27 N. Third St., 277-5269, F Family-owned spot in historic building. Veggie burgers, seafood, made-from-scratch desserts. Dine in or on oak-shaded patio. Karibrew Pub next door. $$ FB K TO R, Sun.; L D Daily CHEZ LEZAN BAKERY CO., 1014 Atlantic Ave., 491-4663, Fresh European-style breads, pastries: croissants, muffins, cakes, pies. $ TO B R L Daily CIAO ITALIAN BISTRO, 302 Centre St., 206-4311, Owners Luka and Kim Misciasci offer fine dining: veal piccata, rigatoni Bolognese, antipasto. Specialties: chicken Ciao, homemade meat lasagna. $ L Fri., Sat.; D Nightly DAVID’S RESTAURANT & LOUNGE, 802 Ash St., 310-6049, Historic district fine dining. Fresh seafood, prime aged meats, rack of lamb. $$$$ FB D Wed.-Mon. DICK’S WINGS & GRILL, 474313 E. S.R. 200, 491-3469. 450077 S.R. 200, Callahan, 879-0993. BOJ winner. SEE

PLAE, 80 Amelia Village Cir., 277-2132, Bite Club. Bistro-style venue serves whole fried fish, duck breast. Outside. $$$ FB L Tue.-Sat.; D Nightly THE SALTY PELICAN BAR & GRILL, 12 N. Front St., 277-3811, F BOJ winner. 2nd-story outdoor bar. Owners T.J. and Al offer local seafood, Mayport shrimp, fish tacos, po’boys, cheese oysters. $$ FB K L D Daily SLIDERS SEASIDE GRILL, 1998 S. Fletcher Ave., 277-6652, F Oceanfront; handmade crab cakes, fresh seafood, fried pickles. Outdoor dining, open-air 2nd floor, balcony. $$ FB K L D Daily TASTY’S FRESH BURGERS & FRIES, 710 Centre St., 321-0409, Historic district. Freshest meats, hand-cut fries, homemade sauces, hand-spun shakes. $ BW K L D Daily T-RAY’S BURGER STATION, 202 S. Eighth St., 261-6310. F BOJ winner. In an old gas station; blue plate specials, burgers, biscuits & gravy, shrimp. $ BW TO B L Mon.-Sat. THE VERANDAH, 6800 First Coast Hwy., 321-5050, omni Extensive menu of fresh local seafood and steaks; signature entrée is Fernandina shrimp. Many herbs and spices are from onsite garden. $$$ FB K D Nightly


DICK’S WINGS & GRILL, 9119 Merrill Rd., 745-9300. BOJ winner. SEE PONTE VEDRA. LARRY’S GIANT SUBS, 1301 Monument, 724-5802. F SEE ORANGE PARK.


ELIZABETH POINTE LODGE, 98 S. Fletcher Ave., 277-4851, F BOJ winner. Award-winning B&B. Seaside dining, inside or out. Hot buffet breakfast daily. Homestyle soups, sandwiches, desserts. $$$ BW B L D Daily JACK & DIANE’S, 708 Centre St., 321-1444, F In renovated 1887 shotgun house. Jambalaya, French toast, mac-n-cheese, vegan/ vegetarian items. Dine in or on porch. $$ FB K B L D Daily LULU’S AT THOMPSON HOUSE, 11 S. 7th St., 432-8394, F Po’boys, salads, local seafood, local shrimp. Reservations. $$$ BW K TO R Sun.; L D Tue.-Sat. MARCHÉ BURETTE, 6800 First Coast Hwy., 491-4834, Old-fashioned gourmet food market and deli, in the Spa & Shops, Omni Amelia Island Plantation. Continental breakfast; lunch features flatbreads. $$$ BW K TO L D Daily MOON RIVER PIZZA, 925 S. 14th St., 321-3400, F BOJ winner. Northern-style pizzas, 20+ toppings, by the pie or the slice. $ BW TO L D Mon.-Sat. THE MUSTARD SEED CAFÉ, 833 TJ Courson Rd., 277-3141, Casual organic eatery, juice bar, in Nassau Health Foods. All-natural organic items, smoothies, juice, herbal tea. $$ TO B L Mon.-Sat. THE PECAN ROLL BAKERY, 122 S. Eighth St., 491-9815, F The bakery, near the historic district, offers sweet and savory pastries, cookies, cakes, bagels and breads, all made from scratch. $ K TO B L Wed.-Sun.

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FLORIDA CREAMERY, 3566 St. Johns Ave., 619-5386. Premium ice cream, waffle cones, milkshakes, sundaes and Nathan’s grilled hot dogs, served in a Florida-centric décor. Low-fat and sugar-free choices. $ K TO L D Daily THE FOX RESTAURANT, 3580 St. Johns Ave., 387-2669. F Owners Ian & Mary Chase offer fresh diner fare: burgers, meatloaf, fried green tomatoes, desserts. Breakfast all day. Local landmark for 50+ years. $$ BW K L D Daily HARPOON LOUIE’S, 4070 Herschel St., Ste. 8, 389-5631, F Locally owned and operated for 20+ years, the American pub serves 1/2-pound burgers, fish sandwiches, pasta. Local beers. $$ FB K TO L D Daily MELLOW MUSHROOM, 3611 St. Johns Ave., 388-0200. F Bite Club. BOJ winner. SEE BEACHES. MOJO NO. 4 URBAN BBQ & WHISKEY BAR, 3572 St. Johns Ave., 381-6670. F BOJ winner. SEE BEACHES. To get listed, call your account manager or Sam Taylor at 904.260.9770 ext. 111 or DINING DIRECTORY KEY

Average Entrée Cost $ = Less than $8 $$ = $8-$14 $$$ = $15-$22 $$$$ = $23 & up BW = Beer/Wine FB = Full Bar K = Kids’ Menu TO = Take Out B = Breakfast R = Brunch L = Lunch D = Dinner Bite Club = Hosted free FW Bite Club tasting. Join at

2014 Best of Jax winner

F = FW distribution spot

PINEGROVE MARKET & DELI, 1511 Pine Grove Ave., 389-8655, F BOJ winner. 40+ years. Burgers, Cuban sandwiches, subs, wraps. Onsite butcher cuts USDA choice prime aged beef. Craft beers. $ BW TO B L D Mon.-Sat. RESTAURANT ORSAY, 3630 Park St., 381-0909, BOJ winner. French/Southern bistro; emphasis on locally grown organic ingredients. Steak frites, mussels, pork chops. Snail of Approval. $$$ FB K R, Sun.; D Nightly SIMPLY SARA’S, 2902 Corinthian Ave., 387-1000, simply F Down-home fare, from scratch: eggplant fries, pimento cheese, baked chicken, fruit cobblers, chicken & dumplings, desserts. BYOB. $$ K TO L D Mon.Sat., B Sat.


AKEL’S DELICATESSEN, 7825 Baymeadows Way, 733-4040. F SEE DOWNTOWN. AL’S PIZZA, 8060 Philips, Ste. 105, 731-4300. F SEE BEACHES.

BROADWAY RISTORANTE & PIZZERIA, 10920 Baymeadows Rd. E., 519-8000, F Family-owned-and-operated. Calzones, wings, brick-ovenbaked pizza, subs. $$ BW K TO L D Daily INDIA’S RESTAURANT, 9802 Baymeadows, Ste. 8, 620-0777, F BOJ winner. Authentic cuisine, lunch buffet. Curries, vegetable dishes, lamb, chicken, shrimp, fish tandoori. $$ BW L Mon.-Sat.; D Nightly LARRY’S GIANT SUBS, 3928 Baymeadows Rd., 737-7740. 8616 Baymeadows Rd., 739-2498. F SEE ORANGE PARK. NATIVE SUN NATURAL FOODS MARKET & DELI, 11030 Baymeadows Rd., 260-2791. SEE MANDARIN. SAUSAGE PARADISE DELI & BAKERY, 8602 Baymeadows Rd., 571-9817, F New spot has a variety of European sausages, homestyle European dinners, smoked barbecue, stuffed cheeseburgers. $$ TO L D Mon.-Sat. SNEAKERS SPORTS GRILLE, 8133 Point Meadows Dr., 519-0509. F BOJ winner. SEE BEACHES. THE WELL WATERING HOLE, 3928 Baymeadows Rd., Ste. 9, 737-7740, New bistro has local craft beers, wines by the glass or bottle, champagne cocktails. Meatloaf sandwiches, pulled Peruvian chicken, homestyle vegan black bean burgers. $$ BW K TO D Tue.-Sat. WHISKEY JAX, 10915 Baymeadows Rd., Ste. 135, 634-7208, New gastropub has craft beers, burgers, handhelds, tacos, whiskey. $$ FB L D Sat. & Sun.; D Daily. ZESTY INDIA, 8358 Point Meadows Dr., 329-3676, zesty Asian/European; tandoori lamb chops, rosemary tikka. Vegetarian cooked separately. $ BW TO L D Tue.-Sun.


(Locations are in Jax Beach unless otherwise noted.)

AL’S PIZZA, 303 Atlantic Blvd., Atlantic Beach, 249-0002, F New York-style, gourmet pizzas, baked dishes. All-day happy hour Mon.-Thur. $ FB K TO L D Daily

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DINING DIRECTORY ANGIE’S SUBS, 1436 Beach Blvd., 246-2519. ANGIE’S GROM, 204 Third Ave. S., 246-7823. F BOJ winner. Subs made with fresh ingredients for more than 25 years. One word: Peruvian. Huge salads, blue-ribbon iced tea. $ BW TO L D Daily BEACHSIDE SEAFOOD RESTAURANT & MARKET, 120 Third St. S., 444-8862, Full fresh seafood market serves seafood baskets, fish tacos, daily fish specials, Philly cheesesteaks. Dine indoors or on second-floor open-air deck. $$ BW K TO L D Daily BOLD BEAN COFFEE ROASTERS, 2400 S. Third St., Ste. 201. F BOJ winner. SEE RIVERSIDE. BUDDHA THAI BISTRO, 301 10th Ave. N., 712-4444, Proprietors are from Thailand; every dish is made with fresh ingredients. $$ FB TO L D Daily CANTINA MAYA SPORTS BAR & GRILLE, 1021 Atlantic Blvd., Atlantic Beach, 247-3227. F Popular spot serves margaritas, Latin food, burgers. Sports on TVs. $$ FB K L D Tue.-Sun. CULHANE’S IRISH PUB, 967 Atlantic Blvd., Atlantic Beach, 249-9595, F Bite Club. Upscale pub owned and run by County Limerick sisters. Shepherd’s pie, corned beef; gastropub fare. $$ FB K R Sat. & Sun.; L Fri.-Sun.; D Tue.-Sun. ESPETO BRAZILIAN STEAKHOUSE, 1396 Beach Blvd., 388-4884, Just relocated, serving beef, pork, lamb, chicken, sausage; full menu, bar fare, craft cocktails, Brazilian beers. $$ FB D Daily EUROPEAN STREET CAFÉ, 992 Beach Blvd., 249-3001. F BOJ winner. SEE RIVERSIDE. FLYING IGUANA TAQUERIA & TEQUILA BAR, 207 Atlantic Blvd., Neptune Beach, 853-5680 F Latin American, Southwest tacos, seafood, carnitas, Cubana sandwiches. 100+ tequilas. $ FB L D Daily HARMONIOUS MONKS, 320 First St. N., 372-0815, F SEE MANDARIN. LARRY’S GIANT SUBS, 657 Third St. N., 247-9620. F SEE ORANGE PARK.

RAGTIME TAVERN & SEAFOOD GRILL, 207 Atlantic Blvd., Atlantic Beach, 241-7877, F For 30+ years, iconic seafood place has served blackened snapper, sesame tuna, Ragtime shrimp. Daily happy hour. $$ FB L D Daily SALT LIFE FOOD SHACK, 1018 Third St. N., 372-4456, BOJ winner. Specialty items: signature tuna poke bowl, fresh rolled sushi, Ensenada tacos, local fried shrimp, in modern open-air space. $$ FB K TO L D Daily SLIDERS SEAFOOD GRILLE & OYSTER BAR, 218 First St., Neptune Beach, 246-0881, Beach-casual. Faves: Fresh fish tacos, gumbo. Key lime pie, ice cream sandwiches. $$ FB K L Sat. & Sun.; D Nightly SNEAKERS SPORTS GRILLE, 111 Beach Blvd., 482-1000, BOJ winner. 20+ beers on tap, TVs, cheerleaders serving. Happy hour Mon.-Fri. $ FB K L D Daily SURFWICHES SANDWICH SHOP, 1537 Penman Rd., 241-6996, Craft sandwich shop has steaks and hoagies made to order. $ BW TO K L D Daily TACOLU BAJA MEXICANA, 1712 Beach Blvd., 249-8226, BOJ winner. Fresh, Baja-style fare: fish tacos, tequila (more than 135 kinds) and mezcal. Bangin’ shrimp, carne asada, carnitas, daily fresh fish selections. Made-fresh-daily guacamole. $$ FB K R Sat. & Sun.; L D Tue.-Fri.


AKEL’S DELICATESSEN, 21 W. Church St., 665-7324, F New York-style deli offers freshly made subs (3 Wise Guys, Champ), burgers, gyros, breakfast bowls, ranchero wrap, vegetarian dishes. $ K TO B L Mon.-Fri. THE CANDY APPLE CAFÉ & COCKTAILS, 400 N. Hogan St., 353-9717. Sandwiches, entrées, salads. $$ FB K L, Mon.; L D Tue.-Sun.



Surfwiches Sandwich Shop 1537 Penman Rd., Jax Beach BIRTHPLACE: Chester, Pennsylvania


FAVORITE RESTAURANT: Marker 32, Intracoastal West BEST CUISINE STYLE: American GO-TO INGREDIENTS: Rigatoni, tomato, basil IDEAL MEAL: Fresh pasta, fresh herbs, clams, shrimp, scallops, rigatoni, tomatoes, basil, crushed red peppers WILL NOT CROSS MY LIPS: Don’t care for salmon; love everything else. CELEBRITY SIGHTING: Tyson Alualu, Jaguars defensive end CULINARY TREAT: Finding half an Italian hoagie in the fridge.

LILLIE’S COFFEE BAR, 200 First St., N.B., 249-2922, F Locally roasted coffee, eggs, bagels, flatbreads, sandwiches, desserts. Dine indoors or out, patio and courtyard. $$ BW TO B L D Daily THE LOVING CUP HASH HOUSE, 610 Third St. S., 422-0664. New place has locally sourced fare, locally roasted coffee, gluten-free, vegan, vegetarian, healthful and un-healthful dishes – no GMOs or hormones allowed. $ K TO B R L Tue.-Sun. MELLOW MUSHROOM PIZZA BAKERS, 1018 Third St. N., Ste. 2, 241-5600, F Bite Club. BOJ winner. Hoagies, gourmet pizzas: Mighty Meaty, vegetarian, Kosmic Karma. 35 tap beers. Nonstop happy hour. $ FB K TO L D Daily METRO DINER, 1534 Third N., 853-6817. F BOJ winner. SEE SAN MARCO.

MEZZA RESTAURANT & BAR, 110 First St., Neptune Beach, 249-5573, F Near-the-ocean spot, 20+ years. Casual bistro fare: gourmet wood-fired pizzas, nightly specials. Dine inside or on the patio. Valet parking. $$$ FB K D Mon.-Sat. MOJO KITCHEN BBQ PIT, 1500 Beach Blvd., 247-6636, F BOJ winner. Pulled pork, Carolina-style barbecue, Delta fried catfish, sides. $$ FB K TO L D Daily M SHACK, 299 Atlantic Blvd., Atlantic Beach, 241-2599, F BOJ winner. David and Matthew Medure flip burgers, hot dogs, fries, shakes. $$ BW L D Daily NORTH BEACH BISTRO, 725 Atlantic, Ste. 6, Atlantic Beach, 372-4105, F Bite Club. Chefdriven kitchen; hand-cut steaks, fresh local seafood, tapas. HH. $$$ FB K R Sun.; L D Daily OCEAN 60, WINE BAR, MARTINI ROOM, 60 Ocean Blvd., Atlantic Beach, 247-0060, BOJ winner. Continental cuisine, fresh seafood, dinner specials and a seasonal menu in a formal dining room or casual Martini Room. $$$ FB D Mon.-Sat. POE’S TAVERN, 363 Atlantic Blvd., Atlantic Beach, 241-7637. Gastropub, 50+ beers, gourmet hamburgers, ground in-house, cooked to order; hand-cut French fries, fish tacos, Edgar’s Drunken Chili, daily fish sandwich special. $$ FB K L D Daily

CASA DORA, 108 E. Forsyth St., 356-8282. F Chef Sam Hamidi has been serving genuine Italian fare for 35+ years: veal, seafood, gourmet pizza. The homemade salad dressing is a specialty. $ BW K L Mon.-Fri.; D Mon.-Sat. CHOMP CHOMP, 106 E. Adams St., 762-4667. F Chefinspired street food: panko-crusted chicken, burgers, chinois tacos, bahn mi and barbecue. $ L Tue.-Sat.; D Thur.-Sat. FIONN MacCOOL’s IRISH PUB & RESTAURANT, The Landing, Ste. 176, 374-1547, Casual dining with an uptown Irish atmosphere, serving fish and chips, Guinness lamb stew and black-and-tan brownies. $$ FB K L D Daily OLIO MARKET, 301 E. Bay St., 356-7100, oliomarket. com. F From-scratch soups, sandwiches. Home to duck grilled cheese, seen on Best Sandwich in America. $$ BW TO B R L Mon.-Fri. SWEET PETE’S, 1922 Pearl St., 376-7161. F All-natural sweet shop has candy made of all natural flavors, no artificial anything. Several kinds of honey. $ TO Daily ZODIAC BAR & GRILL, 120 W. Adams St., 354-8283, Mediterranean cuisine and American fare in a casual spot, panini and vegetarian dishes. Daily lunch buffet. Espressos and hookahs are available. Happy hour Wed.-Sat. $ FB L Mon.-Fri.


GRASSROOTS NATURAL MARKET, 1915 East-West Pkwy., 541-0009. F BOJ winner. SEE RIVERSIDE. MELLOW MUSHROOM PIZZA BAKERS, 1800 Town Center Blvd., 541-1999. F Bite Club. BOJ winner. SEE BEACHES. MOJO SMOKEHOUSE, 1810 Town Center Blvd., Ste. 8, 264-0636. F BOJ winner. SEE BEACHES. WHITEY’S FISH CAMP, 2032 C.R. 220, 269-4198, whiteys F Real fish camp. Gator tail, freshwater catfish, daily specials, on Swimming Pen Creek. Tiki bar. Come by boat, bike or car. $ FB K TO L Tue.-Sun.; D Nightly YOUR PIE, 1545 C.R. 220, Ste. 125, 379-9771, F Owner Mike Sims’ idea: Choose from 3 doughs, 9 sauces, 7 cheeses, 40+ toppings. 5 minutes in a brick oven and ta-da: It’s your pie. Subs, sandwiches, gelato. $$ BW K TO L D Daily

APRIL 1-7, 2015 | | 41


AL’S PIZZA, 14286 Beach Blvd., Ste. 31, 223-0991. F SEE BEACHES.

APPLEBEE’S, 13201 Atlantic Blvd., 220-5823. SEE MANDARIN DICK’S WINGS, 14286 Beach Blvd., 223-0115. F BOJ winner. SEE PONTE VEDRA. LARRY’S GIANT SUBS, 10750 Atlantic Blvd., Ste. 14, 642-6980. F SEE ORANGE PARK. OCEANA DINER, 13799 Beach Blvd., Ste. 3, 374-1915, Traditional American diner fare served in a family atmosphere. $ K TO B L Daily TIME OUT SPORTS GRILL, 13799 Beach Blvd., Ste. 5, 223-6999, F Locally-ownedand-operated. Hand-tossed pizzas, wings, wraps. Daily drink specials, HDTVs, pool tables. Late-nite menu. $$ FB L Tue.-Sun.; D Nightly


DICK’S WINGS, 525 S.R. 16, Ste. 101, 825-4540. BOJ winner. SEE PONTE VEDRA. METRO DINER, 12807 San Jose Blvd., 638-6185. F BOJ winner. SEE SAN MARCO.


AKEL’S DELICATESSEN, 12926 Gran Bay Pkwy. W., 880-2008. F SEE DOWNTOWN. AL’S PIZZA, 11190 San Jose Blvd., 260-4115. F SEE BEACHES.

APPLEBEE’S, 14560 St. Augustine Rd., 262-7605, Completely remodeled in the area – new look, new appetizers (half-price after 10 p.m.) Most are open until midnight or later. $$ FB K TO L D Daily ATHENS CAFÉ, 6271 St. Augustine Rd., Ste. 7, 733-1199. F Dolmades (stuffed grape leaves), baby shoes (stuffed eggplant). Greek beers. $$ BW L Mon.-Fri.; D Mon.-Sat. BROOKLYN PIZZA, 11406 San Jose Blvd., Ste. 3, 288-9211. 13820 St. Augustine Rd., 880-0020. Brooklyn Special. Calzones, white pizza, homestyle lasagna. $$ BW TO L D Daily THE COFFEE BARD, 9735 Old St. Augustine Rd., Ste. 13, 260-0810, New world coffeehouse has coffees, breakfast, drinks. $$ TO B L D Tue.-Sun. DICK’S WINGS, 10391 Old St. Augustine, 880-7087. F BOJ winner. SEE PONTE VEDRA. GIGI’S RESTAURANT, 3130 Hartley Rd., 694-4300, In Ramada. Prime rib, crab leg buffet Fri. & Sat., blue-jean brunch Sun., daily buffets. $$$ FB B R L D Daily HARMONIOUS MONKS, 10550 Old St. Augustine Rd., Ste. 30, 880-3040, F American steakhouse: Angus steaks, burgers, ribs, wraps. $$ FB K L D Mon.-Sat. LARRY’S GIANT SUBS, 11365 San Jose Blvd., 674-2945. F SEE ORANGE PARK. NATIVE SUN NATURAL FOODS MARKET & DELI, 10000 San Jose Blvd., 260-6950, F Organic soups, sandwiches, wraps, baked goods, prepared foods. Juice, smoothie and coffee bar. All-natural, organic beers, wines. Indoor, outdoor dining. $ BW TO K B L D Daily WHOLE FOODS MARKET, 10601 San Jose Blvd., Ste. 22, 288-1100, F Expansive prepared-food department with 80+ items, full-service/ self-service hot bar, salad bar, soup bar, dessert bar, pizza, sushi, sandwich stations. $$ BW TO L D Daily


ARON’S PIZZA, 650 Park Ave., 269-1007, aronspizza. com. F Family-owned restaurant has eggplant dishes, manicotti, New York-style pizzas. $$ BW K TO L D Daily DICK’S WINGS, 1540 Wells Rd., 269-2122. BOJ winner. SEE PONTE VEDRA.

THE HILLTOP, 2030 Wells Rd., 272-5959, hilltop-club. com. Southern-style fine dining. New Orleans shrimp, certified Black Angus prime rib, she-crab soup, desserts. $$$ FB D Tue.-Sat. LARRY’S GIANT SUBS, 1330 Blanding Blvd., 276-7370. 1545 C.R. 220, 278-2827. 700 Blanding Blvd., Ste. 15, 272-3553. 1401 S. Orange Ave., Green Cove, 284-7789, F For 30+ years, they pile ’em high and serve ’em fast. Hot/cold subs, soups, salads. $ K TO B L D Daily THE ROADHOUSE, 231 Blanding Blvd., 264-0611, F For 35-plus years, Roadhouse has been offering wings, sandwiches, burgers, quesadillas; 75+ imported beers. A large craft beer selection is now served, too. $ FB L D Daily


AL’S PIZZA, 635 A1A N., 543-1494. F SEE BEACHES. DICK’S WINGS & GRILL, 100 Marketside Ave., 829-8134, F BOJ winner. NASCARthemed; 365 kinds of wings, 1/2-lb. burgers, ribs. $ FB K TO L D Daily LARRY’S GIANT SUBS, 830 A1A N., 273-3993. F SEE ORANGE PARK.

PUSSER’S BAR & GRILLE, 816 A1A N., Ste. 100, 280-7766, F BOJ winner. Bite Club. Caribbean cuisine, regional faves: Jamaican grilled pork ribs, Trinidad smoked duck, lobster macaroni & cheese

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dinner. Tropical drinks. $$ FB K TO L D Daily RESTAURANT MEDURE, 818 A1A N., 543-3797, Chef David Medure offers global flavors. Small plates, creative drinks, happy hour. $$$ FB D Mon.-Sat.


13 GYPSIES, 887 Stockton St., 389-0330, 13gypsies. com. BOJ winner. Bistro serves authentic Mediterranean peasant cuisine updated for American tastes; tapas, blackened octopus, risotto of the day, coconut mango curry chicken. $$ BW L D Tue.-Sat. AKEL’S DELICATESSEN, 245 Riverside Ave., 791-3336. F SEE DOWNTOWN. AL’S PIZZA, 1620 Margaret St., Ste. 201, 388-8384. F SEE BEACHES.

APPLEBEE’S, 8635 Blanding, Ste. 201, 771-0000. 6251 103rd St., 772-9020. 843 Lane Ave. S., 378-5445. SEE MANDARIN.

BLACK SHEEP RESTAURANT, 1534 Oak St., 355-3793, New American with a Southern twist; locally sourced ingredients. Rooftop bar. $$$ FB R Sat. & Sun.; L D Daily BOLD BEAN COFFEE ROASTERS, 869 Stockton St., Stes. 1 & 2, 855-1181. BOJ winner. F Small-batch, artisanal coffee roasting. Organic, fair trade. $ BW TO B L Daily BREW FIVE POINTS, 1024 Park St., 714-3402, brewfive F Local craft beer, espresso, coffee and wine bar. Rotating drafts, 75+ canned craft beers; sodas, tea. Rotating seasonal menu of waffles, pastries, toasts, desserts to pair with specialty coffees, craft beers. $$ BW K B L Daily CORNER TACO, 818 Post St., 240-0412, Made-from-scratch “Mexclectic street food,” tacos, nachos, gluten-free and vegetarian options. $ BW L D Daily. DICK’S WINGS, 5972 San Juan Ave., 693-9258. BOJ winner. SEE PONTE VEDRA. EUROPEAN STREET CAFÉ, 2753 Park St., 384-9999. BOJ winner. 130+ import beers, 20 on tap. NYC-style Reuben, sandwiches. Outside dining at some. $ BW K L D Daily GRASSROOTS NATURAL MARKET, 2007 Park St., 3844474, BOJ winner. F Juice bar; certified organic fruits, vegetables. 300+ craft/import beers, 50 wines, organic produce, humanely raised meats, deli, raw items, vegan, vitamins, herbs. Organic wraps, sides, sandwiches, salads to go. $ BW TO B L D Daily HAWKERS ASIAN STREET FARE, 1001 Park St., 508-0342, BOJ winner. Authentic dishes from mobile stalls. $ BW TO L D Daily JOHNNY’S DELI & GRILLE, 474 Riverside Ave., 356-8055. F Casual spot offers sandwiches, classic salads, homefries. One word: Reuben. $ TO B L Daily KNEAD BAKESHOP, 1173 Edgewood Ave. S. Locallyowned, family-run; made-from-scratch pastries, artisan breads, pies, specialty sandwiches, soups. $ TO B L Tue.-Sun. LARRY’S GIANT SUBS, 1509 Margaret, 674-2794. 7895 Normandy, 781-7600. 8102 Blanding, 779-1933. F SEE ORANGE PARK.

METRO DINER, 4495 Roosevelt Blvd., 999-4600. F BOJ winner. SEE SAN MARCO. MONROE’S SMOKEHOUSE BAR-B-Q, 4838 Highway Ave., 389-5551, Wings, pulled pork, brisket, turkey, ribs. Homestyle sides: beans, baked beans, mac-n-cheese, collards. $$ K TO L Mon.-Sat.; D Fri. MOON RIVER PIZZA, 1176 Edgewood Ave. S., 389-4442. F BOJ winner. SEE AMELIA ISLAND. MOSSFIRE GRILL, 1537 Margaret St., 355-4434, F Southwestern fish tacos, enchiladas. Happy hour Mon.-Sat. upstairs lounge, all day Sun. $$ FB K L D Daily O’BROTHERS IRISH PUB, 1521 Margaret St., 854-9300, F Traditional shepherd’s pie with Stilton crust, Guinness mac-n-cheese, fish-n-chips. Patio dining. $$ FB K TO L D Daily RAIN DOGS, 1045 Park St., 379-4969. Bar food. $ D SOUTHERN ROOTS FILLING STATION, 1275 King St., 5134726, Healthy, light vegan fare made fresh daily with local, organic ingredients. Specials, served on bread, local greens or rice, change daily. Coffees, teas. $ Tue.-Sun. SUSHI CAFÉ, 2025 Riverside, Ste. 204, 384-2888, F Sushi variety: Monster Roll, Jimmy Smith Roll; faves Rock-n-Roll, Dynamite Roll. Hibachi, tempura, katsu, teriyaki. Indoor or patio. $$ BW L D Daily


AL’S PIZZA, 1 St. George St., 824-4383. F SEE BEACHES. APPLEBEE’S, 225 S.R. 312, 825-4099. SEE MANDARIN . AVILES, 32 Avenida Menendez, 829-2277 F In Hilton Inn Bayfront. Progressive European menu; made-to-order pasta night, wine dinners, chophouse nights, breakfast buffet. Sun. champagne brunch, bottomless mimosas. $$$ FB K B L D Daily BARLEY REPUBLIC, 48 Spanish St., 547-2023, barley Old City’s only Irish gastropub in historic area has fish & chips, shepherd’s pie, lambburger, craft beers and spirits. $$ FB K TO L D Daily CANDLELIGHT SOUTH, 1 Anastasia Blvd., 819-0588. Casual spot offers fish tacos, sandwiches, wings, desserts,

sangria, daily specials. $ BW K TO L D Daily THE FLORIDIAN, 39 Cordova St., 829-0655, thefloridian Updated Southern fare; fresh ingredients. Vegetarian, gluten-free. Fried green tomato bruschetta, grits with shrimp, fish or tofu. $$$ BW K TO L D Wed.-Mon. GYPSY CAB COMPANY, 828 Anastasia Blvd., 824-8244, F Local mainstay 25+ years. Menu changes twice daily. Signature dish is Gypsy chicken. Also serving seafood, tofu, duck, veal. Sun. brunch. $$ FB R Sun.; L D Daily MELLOW MUSHROOM, 410 Anastasia Blvd., 826-4040. F Bite Club. BOJ winner. SEE BEACHES. METRO DINER, 1000 S. Ponce de Leon Blvd., 758-3323. F BOJ winner. SEE SAN MARCO. MOJO OLD CITY BBQ, 5 Cordova, 342-5264. F BOJ winner. SEE BEACHES. SALT LIFE FOOD SHACK, 321 A1A Beach Blvd., St. Augustine Beach, 217-3256, BOJ winner. SEE BEACHES. TEMPO, 16 Cathedral Place, 547-0240. The Latin American fusion wine bar and restaurant offers traditional American fare with a Latin flair; sandwiches, too. $$ BW L D Tue.-Sun.


APPLEBEE’S, 4507 Town Ctr. Pkwy., 645-3590. SEE MANDARIN. BRIO TUSCAN GRILLE, 4910 Big Island Dr., 807-9960. Upscale Northern Italian fare, wood-grilled and ovenroasted steaks, chops, seafood. Dine indoors or al fresco on the terrace. $$$ FB K TO R Sat. & Sun.; L D Daily M SHACK, 10281 Midtown Pkwy., 642-5000, mshack F BOJ winner. SEE BEACHES. OVINTE, 10208 Buckhead Branch Dr., 900-7730, ovinte. com. European-style dining influenced by Italy, Spain and the Mediterranean. Small plates, entrée-sized portions, selections from the cheese a charcuterie menu. $$$ BW TO R D Daily


ALLURE THAI & SUSHI, 1004 Hendricks Ave., 674-0190, F Authentic dishes: Pad Thai, curries, sashimi, fresh sushi, daily specials. $$ FB L D Mon.-Sat. BISTRO AIX, 1440 San Marco Blvd., 398-1949, bistrox. com. F Mediterranean and French inspired cuisine includes steak frites, oak-fired pizza and a new raw bar with seasonal selections. $$$ FB TO L D Daily DICK’S WINGS, 1610 University Blvd. W., 448-2110. BOJ winner. SEE PONTE VEDRA. EUROPEAN STREET CAFÉ, 1704 San Marco Blvd., 398-9500. BOJ winner. SEE RIVERSIDE . $ BW K L D Daily FUSION SUSHI, 1550 University Blvd. W., 636-8688, F Upscale sushi spot serves a variety of fresh sushi, sashimi, hibachi, teriyaki, kiatsu. $$ K L D Daily THE GROTTO WINE & TAPAS BAR, 2012 San Marco Blvd., 398-0726. F Artisanal cheese plates, empanadas, bruschetta, cheesecake. 60+ wines by the glass. $$$ BW Tue.-Sun. HAMBURGER MARY’S BAR & GRILLE, 3333 Beach Blvd., Ste. 1, 551-2048, F Wings, sammies, nachos, entrées, specialty drinks, burgers. $$ K TO FB L D Daily KITCHEN ON SAN MARCO, 1402 San Marco Blvd., 396-2344, New gastropub features local and national craft beers, specialty cocktails and a seasonal menu focusing on fresh, locally sourced ingredients and cuisine. $$ FB L D Daily MEZZE BAR & GRILL, 2016 Hendricks Ave., 683-0693, Classic cocktails, fresh basil martinis, 35 draft beers, local/craft brews, Mediterranean cuisine. Hookah patio. Happy hour. $$ FB D Daily MATTHEW’S, 2107 Hendricks Ave., 396-9922, matthews Chef Matthew Medure’s flagship. Fine dining, artfully presented cuisine, small plates, martini/ wine lists. Happy hour Mon.-Fri. Reservations. $$$$ FB D Mon.-Sat. METRO DINER, 3302 Hendricks Ave., 398-3701, F BOJ winner. Original upscale diner. Meatloaf, chicken pot pie, soups. $$ B R L Daily MOJO BAR-B-QUE, 1607 University Blvd. W., 732-7200. F BOJ winner. SEE BEACHES. PIZZA PALACE, 1959 San Marco, 399-8815, F Family-owned; homestyle faves: spinach pizza, chicken spinach calzones, lasagna. Outside dining. $$ BW K TO L D Daily TAVERNA, 1986 San Marco, 398-3005, Chef Sam Efron’s authentic Italian; local produce, meats. Craft beers, handcrafted cocktails. $$$ FB K TO R L D Daily


360° GRILLE, LATITUDE 360, 10370 Philips Hwy., 365-5555, F Popular place serves seafood, steaks, burgers, chicken, sandwiches, pizza. Patio, movie theater. $$ FB TO L D Daily AKEL’S DELICATESSEN, 7077 Bonneval Rd., 332-8700. F SEE DOWNTOWN. ALHAMBRA THEATRE & DINING, 12000 Beach Blvd., 641-1212, USA’s longest-running dinner theater; Chef DeJuan Roy’s themed menus. Reservations. $$ FB D Tue.-Sun. APPLEBEE’S, 5055 JTB Blvd., 296-6895. SEE MANDARIN.


BARBERITOS, 4320 Deerwood Lake Pkwy., Ste. 106, 807-9060. F SEE AMELIA ISLAND. DANCIN DRAGON, 9041 Southside Blvd., Ste. 138D, 3639888. BOGO lunches, an Asian fusion menu. $$ FB K L D Daily DICK’S WINGS, 10750 Atlantic Blvd., 619-0954. BOJ winner. SEE PONTE VEDRA. THE DIM SUM ROOM, 9041 Southside, Ste. 138D, 363-9888, Shrimp dumplings, beef tripe, sesame ball. Traditional Hong Kong noodles, barbecue. $ FB K L D Daily EUROPEAN STREET CAFÉ, 5500 Beach Blvd., 398-1717. BOJ winner. SEE RIVERSIDE. LARRY’S GIANT SUBS, 3611 St. Johns Bluff S., 641-6499. 4479 Deerwood Lake Pkwy., 425-4060. F SEE ORANGE PARK.

MELLOW MUSHROOM, 9734 Deer Lake Ct., 997-1955. F Bite Club. BOJ winner. SEE BEACHES. MONROE’S SMOKEHOUSE BAR B-Q, 10771 Beach Blvd., 996-7900, SEE RIVERSIDE. THE PIG BAR-B-Q, 11925 Beach Blvd., Ste. 5, 619-0321, Bite Club. This popular fourthgeneration barbecue institution has been family-owned for 60+ years. The signature item is mustard-based “pig sauce.” $ BW K TO B, L D Daily

TAVERNA YAMAS, 9753 Deer Lake Ct., 854-0426, F Bite Club. Char-broiled kabobs, seafood, wines, desserts. Belly dancing. $$ FB K L D Daily TOMMY’S BRICK OVEN PIZZA, 4160 Southside, Ste. 2, 565-1999, F New York-style thin crust, brick-oven-baked pizzas (gluten-free), calzones, sandwiches. Boylan’s soda. Curbside pick-up. $$ BW TO L D Mon.-Sat. THE VISCONDE’S ARGENTINIAN GRILL, 11925 Beach Blvd., Ste. 201, 379-3925. The area’s only Argentinian place. Traditional steaks, varieties of sausages, pasta, sandwiches, empañadas, wines. $$$ BW TO L D Tue.-Sun.


HOLA MEXICAN RESTAURANT, 1001 N. Main St., 356-3100, F Fajitas, burritos, enchiladas, daily specials. Happy hour; sangria. $ BW K TO L D Mon.-Sat. LARRY’S GIANT SUBS, 12001 Lem Turner Rd., 764-9999. SEE ORANGE PARK.

Photo by Caron Streibich


SOUTHERN STYLE SCHOOLING Student-driven buffet a homestyle success

or coffee. We then headed to the selections on FOR THE PAST EIGHT YEARS, EVERY FRIDAY the self-service buffet. from 11 a.m. to 1:30 p.m., historic St. Johns First was a salad bar with chopped fresh Episcopal Cathedral’s Taliaferro Hall has been spring mix, diced hardboiled eggs, peppers, transformed into a busy lunch venue. The twist: bacon bits, crumbled blue cheese, grated The meal is orchestrated by students from the Clara White Mission’s culinary training program. carrots, cucumber, tomatoes and beyond. Our two soup choices were ham-and-splitGiven the Mission’s decades-old track record for helping serve the poor and homeless pea or Italian minestrone. I went with a cup of in Jacksonville, I was thrilled to learn that more the minestrone and enjoyed an abundance of kidney beans, pasta and chopped vegetables. than 700 aspiring students have graduated And now we beheld the feast. Bypassing from the program – which teaches lessons the rice pilaf and rolls, I went straight for the from food preparation to commercial cooking fried Cajun turkey (a to menu development winner!), meatloaf and catering, over the (moist and flavorful), course of 20 weeks. CLARA’S AT THE CATHEDRAL grilled-cheese-andThese talented tomato sandwich, boiled students prepare and ST. JOHNS CATHEDRAL red potatoes, sautéed serve a Southern-style 256 E. Church St., Downtown cabbage (buttery and buffet lunch. Perhaps delicious!) and baby most impressive is programs/claras-at-the-cathedral/ carrots. The students the fact that the menu earned two thumbs up – changes weekly and everything tasted fresh and homemade. is posted on the mission’s website each More than a good meal, Clara’s was a nice Wednesday. The previous week’s offerings escape from a busy Friday workday. As we included baked vegetable spaghetti, brownate, the soft sounds of a violin filled the air and sugar-glazed baked ham, Southern fried natural light from the many windows fl ooded chicken, creamed skillet corn, collard greens the dining area. and sweet potato souffl é – yum! Despite having a full stomach, I made sure to taste each of the three desserts – warm THE COST FOR THE BUFFET LUNCH was $10, bread pudding with peaches and whipped collected on our way in the door (parties of topping, peanut butter cookies, and an six or more can make a reservation, but fewer ambrosia salad. The bread pudding won me than that and you may be seated with others over. I can’t wait to go back. – which only adds to the experience). After being seated, we were greeted by a student Caron Streibich with a warm smile offering us our choice of sweetened, unsweetened or tropical iced tea,


APRIL 1-7, 2015 | | 43


MAN’S BEST FRIEND Researchers are preparing a study to confirm that dog slobber, by itself (and not just the psychological advantages of playing with and petting a dog), might provide human health benefits (such as relief from asthma, allergies and inflammation). Specialists from the University of Arizona and University of California San Diego point to existing evidence of the comparative healthfulness of dogowning families and suspect that canine saliva, like yogurt, may have unusual probiotic value.

INDIA JUSTICE Since NOTW last visited the judicial backlog in India (2013), the problem has worsened. The open caseload grew to 31,367,915 by the end of that year — a quantity that, if all of the country’s judges, working around the clock, each resolved 100 cases an hour, it would still take 35 years to clear. In January, Bloomberg Business Week reported lawyers needlessly fatten the backlog with multiple filings, mainly to jack up fees (and thus encouraging “extortion threats,” in place of “law,” as the preferred method of resolving disputes). BIG AND BRIGHT Death-penalty opponents have long sought a clear-cut case in which an obviously innocent person was wrongfully executed; unsurprisingly, the great state of Texas looks about to provide that: Cameron Todd Willingham (convicted in 1992, executed in 2004). Since his trial, arson evidence “proving” murder has been thoroughly discredited, and recently an ex-cellmate’s 1996 letter surfaced — demanding that his own prosecutor comply with the sentence-reduction he was promised if he claimed Willingham “confessed” to him. In fact, the cellmate’s sentence was substantially reduced after he wrote the letter, though the cellmate later appeared grievously remorseful. Prosecutor John Jackson is facing a state investigation for not disclosing the sentencing promise before trial. ELF JUSTICE Public policymaking in the United States is often gridlocked by recalcitrant ideologues, but at least administrators aren’t constrained by elves, as they are in Iceland. After seven years of controversy, the country’s Road Administration recently approved a new pathway near Reykjavik that had been delayed by a troublesome, 70-ton boulder in the rightof-way — which couldn’t be dislodged because

44 | | APRIL 1-7, 2015

it’s believed to be a “church” for the country’s legendary “hidden people.” The elves’ leading spokeswoman, Ragnhildur Jonsdottir, finally declared, to officials’ great relief, that the elves had accepted the boulder’s relocation to the side of the road, having “been preparing for this for a long time, moving their energy to the new location.” WANT FRIES WITH THAT? Four weeks ago, NOTW noted that a United Nations representative opposed a suggestion to open certain meetings to the public, fearing it would invite spectators in the gallery to throw “mayonnaise” at the delegates. However, two months earlier (and unknown to NOTW), the Belgian prime minister, defending his country’s austerity measures, faced a group of protesters who had rained French fries topped with mayonnaise upon him.

RECURRING THEMES Japan may have its cat restaurants (where loaner felines lounge during meals) and even its penguin bar in Ikebukuro, and London (as reported here a month ago) an experimental owl cafe (with specially domesticated birds perched on diners’ shoulders), but not to be outdone, an entrepreneur in Seoul, South Korea, guesses his Thanks to Nature Cafe will be a big hit — with sheep wandering through the dining room. After all, according to the lunar calendar, 2015 is the Chinese zodiac Year of the Sheep. Owner Lee Kwang-ho said his novel business model has attracted visitors from Macedonia, Saudi Arabia and New Zealand, among other countries. HOME UNIMPROVEMENT Recent cases to add to the classic “Don’t DIY” Files: Fred Horne of Columbus, Ohio, burned down his house in February trying to smoke the bedbugs out of his couch. Only that one piece of furniture caught fire, but carrying it out of the house, Horne got stuck in a doorway, and the blaze spread. Near Darwin, Australia, in February, an unnamed woman living in an RV came faceto-face with a snake and decided to encourage the serpent to leave by lighting a fire under the RV’s floor. The vehicle was destroyed but, said the police superintendent, “we don’t know what happened to the snake.” Chuck Shepherd


TWINKIES, WORDSWORTH, & “DON’T! STOP! DON’T STOP!” ARIES (March 21-April 19): “Choconiverous” is an English slang word that’s defined as having the tendency, when eating a chocolate Easter Bunny, to bite the head off first. Adopt this direct approach in everything you do in the coming weeks. Don’t get bogged down with preliminaries or sidetracked by minor details, trivial distractions, or peripheral concerns. It’s your duty to swoop straight to the center of the action. Be clear about what you want and unapologetic about getting it. TAURUS (April 20-May 20): The American snack cake Twinkie contains 68 percent air. Among its 37 other mostly worthless ingredients are sugar, water, cornstarch, the emulsifier polysorbate 60, the filler sodium stearoyl lactylate, and food coloring. You can’t get a lot of nutritious value by eating it. Consider the fruit known as the watermelon. It’s 91 percent water and six percent sugar, yet it also has a good amount of Vitamin C, lycopene, and antioxidants, all of which are healthful for you. So if you’re going to eat a whole lot of nothing, watermelon is a far better nothing than a Twinkie. That’s your apt metaphor next week. GEMINI (May 21-June 20): You may be as close as you’ve ever gotten to finding the long-lost Holy Grail — or Captain Kidd’s pirate treasure, for that matter, or Marie Antoinette’s jewels, Tinkerbell’s magic fairy dust, or the smoking-gun evidence that Shakespeare’s plays were written by Francis Bacon. At the very least, you’re ever-so-near to your equivalent of those precious goods. What can you do to increase your chances of actually getting it? A tip: Visualize in detail how acquiring the prize will inspire you to be even more generous and magnanimous than you already are. CANCER (June 21-July 22): People are paying attention to you in new ways. You wanted that, right? You’ve been emanating subliminal signals that convey messages like “Gaze into my eternal eyes” and “Bask in the cozy glow of my crafty empathy.” Now what? One possibility: Go to the next level. Show the even-more-interesting beauty you hide below the surface. You may not think you’re ready to offer the gifts you’ve been “saving for later.” But you always think that. Reveal more of your deep secret power. LEO (July 23-Aug. 22): Some folks believe unquestioningly in astrology’s truth and power. They imagine it’s an exact science that can unfailingly discern character and predict the future. Others believe all astrology is nonsense, that everyone who uses it is deluded or stupid. I say both groups are wrong. Both have a simplistic, uninformed perspective. The more correct view is that some astrology is nonsense, some is a potent psychological tool. Some of it’s based on superstition, some is rooted in a robust mythopoetic understanding of archetypes. Employ a similar appreciation for paradox as you evaluate a certain influence currently making a big splash. In one sense, it’s like snake oil; you should be skeptical. In another sense, it’s good medicine that can truly heal. VIRGO (Aug. 23-Sept. 22): According to Biblical stories, Peter was Christ’s closest disciple, but acted like a traitor when trouble came. After Christ was arrested, in the hours before the trial, Peter denied knowing his cherished teacher three different times. His fear trumped his love, leading him to violate his sacred commitment. Is there anything remotely comparable to that developing in your sphere? If you recognize any tendencies in you to shrink from devotion or violate your highest principles, root them out. Be brave. Stay strong and true in your duty to a person, place or cause you love.

LIBRA (Sept. 23-Oct. 22): Marketing experts say consumers need persistent prodding before they’ll open their minds to possibilities outside their entrenched habits. The average person has to be exposed to a new product at least eight times before it fully registers on his or her awareness. Remember this rule of thumb as you seek attention and support for your brainstorms. Make use of the art of repetition. Not just any old boring, tedious kind of repetition, though. Be as sincere and fresh presenting your goodies the eighth time as you were the first. SCORPIO (Oct. 23-Nov. 21): In Cole Porter’s song “I Get a Kick Out of You,” he testifies that he gets no kick from champagne. In fact, “Mere alcohol doesn’t thrill me at all,” he sings. The same’s true about cocaine. “I’m sure that if I took even one sniff that would bore me terrifically, too,” Porter declares. With this as your nudge, and in accordance with astrological omens, identify the titillations that no longer provide the pleasurable jolt they once did. Acknowledge joys that have grown stale and adventures whose rewards have waned. Search a new array of provocative fun and games. SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22-Dec. 21): English writer William Wordsworth (1770-1830) wrote hundreds of poems. Among his most famous was “I Wandered Lonely as a Cloud,” also known as “Daffodils.” The poem sprung from him after a walk he took with his sister around Lake Ullswater in the English Lake District. They were delighted to find a long, thick belt of daffodils growing close to the water. In his poem, Wordsworth praises the “ten thousand” flowers as “Continuous as the stars that shine / And twinkle on the milky way.” If you’re ever going to have your version of a daffodil explosion to inspire a burst of creativity, it will be in the weeks ahead. CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19): Your subconscious desires and conscious desires seem to be at odds. What you say you want is not in precise alignment with what your deep self wants. I’m worried that “Don’t! Stop!” might be close to morphing into “Don’t stop!” — or vice versa. It’s confusing. Who’s in charge here? Your false self or true self? Your wounded, conditioned, habit-bound personality or your wise, eternal, ever-growing soul? It’s a good time to retreat to your sanctuary and get back in touch with your primal purpose. AQUARIUS (Jan. 20-Feb. 18): Sometimes you’re cool, other times you’re hot. You veer from acting aloof and distracted to being friendly and attentive. You careen from bouts of laziness to bursts of disciplined efficiency. You’re either building bridges or burning them; on occasion you’re building and burning at the same time. You’re a master of vacillation and a slippery lover of the in-between. When you’re not completely off-target and out of touch, you’ve got a knack for wild-guessing the future and seeing through false appearances everyone else sees as gospel truth. I’m thoroughly entertained! PISCES (Feb. 19-March 20): How can you ripen the initiatives you’ve set in motion in recent weeks? Of the good new trends you launched, which can you now install as permanent enhancements in your daily rhythm? What can you do to cash in on the quantum leaps that have occurred, maybe even figure out how to make money from them? Time to shift from being lyrically dreamy to fiercely practical. You’re ready to convert lucky breaks into enduring opportunities. Rob Brezsny





A Tense Situation

330 A1A NORTH 280-1202


1 Gentlemen Prefer Blondes author 5 Clear-headed 10 One on the other side 15 Wilbur’s pet 19 Word before “worm” 20 One from the heart? 21 Old-womanish (anagram of LIANE) 22 Quiet exercises 23 Result of an OreckBissell summit? 25 New batch of chicks? 27 “Beats me,” slangily 28 Vestal virgins? 30 Zero 31 Boxer’s foot 33 Bound 34 Aida’s love 38 Q. “What were you doing at the lumber yard, Tarzan?” A. “___” 42 Proscriptions 43 Other than: abbr. 44 “To summarize ...” 45 Game cry 46 Spread’s other name 47 Pokes 50 Customer-service reps for a certain condiment? 55 Where the Skunk flows 56 Crying sounds 58 They may hold gold 59 Leans 60 Give way 62 Frisky stablemate 63 Stratford slammer 64 Some mag pages 65 Soft and smooth on top? 68 Lemon or peach, e.g. 71 Designer’s first name 72 New Haven students 73 He leaked the Pentagon Papers 75 Charlotte ___, V.I. 78 Gas or electric co. 79 Cold-caller’s goal 80 Diana of The Avengers 81 Redundant library sign? 84 Merchandise 1





85 Painfully divided 86 AFL’s partner 87 Condoleezza’s successor 90 Chiller of a sort 91 Shin kicker 93 Get a little sloppy with the stickum? 98 Devalue 100 Moderator 101 Actress O’Connor 102 Forest female 103 Beach-access route? 107 Infamous prison 109 Headline about escaped lions? 112 Where the teetotaler walked? 114 Franc’s successor 115 He really digs rock 116 Suggestions 117 Tablemate of Allure 118 Day-to-day deterioration 119 Starts to wake 120 Seductive dance 121 Can’t do without


1 “Hey, it’s a ___” 2 Where to find 21 pips 3 Bookstore section, perhaps 4 Avoid 5 Pago Pago people 6 Caveman of the comics 7 Bric-a-___ 8 Emulate Durer 9 Comic-book gun sounds 10 Challenged the Colorado 11 Like losses, sometimes 12 Look at 13 Nonwinners 14 Fallen giant of 2008, ___ Brothers 15 Nora, opposite Nick 16 Pooh pal 17 It might be fragile 18 ___-blasted 24 Detaches, as a brooch 26 Dream locations? 29 Paul, Elton or Bono








28 31








































59 63














80 84 88






109 110 111





































33 40






44 47



27 30




Acts like an ass? Odd and funny Sponge (off of) Up ___ (in trouble) Part of BTU Business outfit? Able-bodied boast Reaction to too many compliments Yule hang-up Bud’s bud Butter dye Lodge letters Kingdoms Working models? Fire evidence Safe to swallow Story setting Terrifying Passion Lout, in Canada Beloved novelist’s first name ___ tab Source of game news New driver, typically It might have a hymnal on it Parisian street Kin of a 401(k) Pull (on)

Solution to On the Road Again (3/25/15) C A S E




32 President after Wilson: 74 inits. 75 35 Juicy fruit 76 36 Put out (effort) 77 37 Folks near firths 78 39 Wave-related 79 40 Failed utterly 82 41 “It’s either them ___” 83 42 eBay actions 84 45 Camille portrayer 88 46 “Fire” gem 89 47 Editor’s measure 91 48 Cross 92 49 Temple University athletes 93 51 Got sick suddenly 94 52 Where Van Gogh painted 95 Sunflowers 96 53 In working order 97 54 Ruses 99 56 In the Bedroom actress 100 57 Scandinavian city 104 61 Seething 62 Tiny hairs 105 63 Chutzpah 106 66 Released 108 67 English church official 109 68 One who succeeds? 110 69 Wanderlust, e.g. 111 70 Carton contents 113 71 The Clampetts, e.g.

105 106 112

102 107











APRIL 1-7, 2015 | | 45


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HELLO, YOUNG LOVERS (aka ISU writers)! The limit for ISU notices is 40 words ONLY. No messages with more than 40 words will be accepted. Please keep your message short & sweet. Thanks! BEAUTIFUL SOCCER HOOLIGAN You: Blonde, glasses, ripped rolled-up jeans, yellow sweater, Armada scarf, temp cheek tattoo. Me: Dark hair, glasses, full sleeves. You behind me, half-time refreshment line. We smiled in section 141 top. Let’s sit side-by-side. When: March 28. Where: EverBank Field. #1513-0401

FILL HER UP You: Tall, handsome, blue shirt that said “Refill.” Me: Sexy, in orange dress. Looking for headphones; made small talk. Wanted to request your number, but you looked exhausted from work. Let’s make beautiful music, Mr. Refill. When: Dec. 30. Where: Best Buy. #1501-0107

HAITIAN GENTLEMAN IN PINK Mr. I make airplanes crank for a living. Ms. Blonde sitting alone on corner reading Folio Weekly ISU impatiently waiting; meanwhile collecting the worst pick-up lines. White boy was smooth; you, however, have my attention. When: March 28. Where: Outside De Real Ting. #1512-0401

LOVER FOUND AT WALMART REGISTER? Sunday, 0:45 a.m., S’s register. You: Tan jacket, eyeglasses, nice-looking man, very friendly, holiday spirit. Me: Blue jeans, jeans jacket, right behind you. Should’ve carried conversation further. Looked for you later. When: Dec. 21. Where: Normandy Walmart. #1500-0107

BEST ASS I’VE SEEN You: Sweaty, dark hair, petite, beautiful Asian lifting heavy (humping weights? Never seen that workout), engrossed in weights and convos with gym regulars. Sorry, couldn’t stop staring. Let’s train together. Whatever you’re doing is working. When: March 16. Where: LA Fitness Atlantic Beach. #1511-0325

8-8-14; MEANING OF TIME? Easy answer. Time means nothing, absolutely nothing outside context of you. Hours seem like hours, days like days. Dice don’t match. Cards on my heart’s table come up different. Don’t fret; the UNIverse loves us; it’s MASTER of time. When: Aug. 8. Where: Pagan Idol. #1436-1224

0% IRISH, 100% DRUNK You: Orange sack pack and white sleeveless shirt. Me: White collared shirt and green tie. Didn’t expect to have a dance partner. Will you shake it off with me again? When: March 17. Where: Brix Taphouse. #1510-0325

TELL[ER] ME ABOUT YOU You: Nice, redheaded, long braid bank teller, remembered my papa’s last name. Me: Young, blonde-bearded, with whitebearded retired police officer. Let’s have coffee sometime; officially meet! When: Dec. 19 FOP Christmas Party. Where: FOP Lodge #530. #1435-1224

LITTLE DRUMMER BOY You: Black, bald, beautiful. Me: Hungry and watching. I was behind you in line while you pretended to play drums like Lars Ulrich. Can I play with your drumstick? When: March 6. Where: Taco Bell @ Hodges. #1509-0311 FREEBIRD EXPENDABLES SHOW On 2/25. We talked at the very end by merchant stand. Had a short conversation; you mentioned you’re finishing up a teaching degree. You: Very cute brunette, awesome smile. Would like a chance to see you again! When: Feb. 25. Where: Freebird Live. #1508-0304 I SAW U Connection Made!

GIRL WITH THE SCAR On her face, eye to forehead. ISU at gay bar, long ago; wanted to know you. My heart skipped a beat. You were and still are the most beautiful woman I’ve ever seen; always cross my mind. When: April 2014. Where: The bar. #1507-0304 NICE TO MEET YOU You: Tall, handsome, broken wrist. Me: Cute, athletic, long sandy hair. Helped me sign out paddleboard; said it was nice to meet. Maybe you caught my name; don’t know yours. Meet 11 a.m. Feb. 13 at the lake. When: Jan. 31. Where: UNF Lake Oneida. #1506-0211 ASIAN GODDESS SNAP FITNESS Me: Purposefully stretching longer, in safe creeping distance. You: Gleaming from sweat, holding handstand a respectable amount of time! Took off shoes, socks; caught me watching. Kept gaze. You smiled, continued poses. Left before drool commenced. When: Jan. 20. Where: Snap Fitness. #1505-0204

LOVED THE SHOW... You: Brunette, glasses, stunningly beautiful; upstairs with some guys. Loved watching you put on lipstick; you looked at me, eyes communicated deep hunger. My girlfriend told you I thought you were beautiful. I’d love to talk. Me: Long-sleeved green shirt. You know. When: Dec. 13. Where: OP Kennel Clubhouse. #1434-1224 HOPE WOMAN I SAW READS THIS... You: long, black, curly hair, glasses, tan complexion, beautiful smile!; headed to NY. Me: Non-descript white guy. Not sure you saw me; thought we locked eyes. Couldn’t keep my eyes off you! Remember? When: Dec. 4. Where: Jax International Airport. #1433-1224

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DEM PINSTRIPES THO ... Light glittered off your beautiful bald head. Gave me that look, poured drink. Hands touched as you gave me the glass. Instantly knew you’re my only bartender. Liked big orange you gave me. Personal bartender? When: Dec. 13. Where: Time Out Sportsbar & Grill. #1432-1217

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V. & T. AT TOWN CENTER ISU at Aeropostale and American Eagle where we introduced one another. I didn’t want to ask you for your number in front of my daughter. I’d love to see you again, T. When: Dec. 10. Where: Town Center. #1431-1217

NOTICE IS HEREBY GIVEN that the undersigned, desiring to engage in business under the ficticious name of Beautiful Earth at 2533 Chesterbrook Ct. in the County of Duval in the City of Jacksonville, Florida 32224 intends to register the said name with the Division of Corporations of the Florida Department of State, Tallahasee, Florida. Dated at Jacksonville, Florida, this 4th day of March 2015. Owner: Rohini Espinosa.

SAMSUNG MAN AT BJ’s We both purchased Samsung Chrome on Sunday. You said I’d like keyboard. I said: hope I can get used to it; wanted to ask are you married? Me: Tall, light-skinned. You: Brown, handsome. If unattached, look me up. When: Dec. 7. Where: BJ’s Atlantic Blvd. #1430-1217

HOTTIE IN A HAMMOCK You: Tall, leggy, brunette, great skin, rocking in hammock by her pool. Me: Scotch-loving bald guy who still loves a Fierce Polish Viking. Hoping you’ll rock me tonight like your body rocks in that hammock. When: Jan. 28. Where: Beside the pool. #1504-0128

MISSING TOOTH GIRL You: Attractive girl, purple dress, missing a front teeth. Me: Handsome devil, orange tank top. I commented I liked your gap before I realized it was a missing tooth. Let’s hop back, get a fountain drink together? When: Dec. 4. Where: Kangaroo San Pablo. #1429-1210

HOT COFFEE MAN You: tall, dark hair, carrying Starbucks. Me: tall, yellow shirt. ISU at Starbucks 20 minutes earlier; again in parking garage stairwell. You held door open for me, I smiled, thanked you. Did you remember me? Let’s get coffee. When: Jan. 22. Baptist Medical Ctr. Garage. #1503-0128

LIBRARY LOOKER Nothing spooky about you staring at me, the redhead, on Halloween from Deerwood library check-out line. Tall guy in jeans, what would’ve happened had I held your lengthy stare? Let me know. When: 11:30 a.m. Oct. 31. Where: Southeast Regional Library. #1428-1203

BAYMEADOWS BUSINESS You: Bald white guy, sharp dresser, older white Saturn. Me: Slim white guy. Had my eye on you; said hi when you wished me Happy Holidays on Christmas Eve. Let’s have lunch sometime! When: Dec. 24. Where: Baymeadows management company. #1502-0114

CAN’T GET U OUTTA MY MIND ISU at hospital visit; made my heart pump fast. You: prettiest nurse in white and blue; finest shape, lips, hips, face. If you were mine, I’d hold you in my arms, treat you like a queen. When: Nov. 26. Where: St. Vincent’s Hosp. #1427-1203

46 | | APRIL 1-7, 2015

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APRIL 1-7, 2015 | | 47