30 minute read
PFLAG - Sam Dawson
by Focus
focus_contributor.
PFLAG
with SAM DAWSON
from Parents and Friends of Lesbians and Gays
is month I wanted to chat about the situation parents fi nd themselves in if their child is struggling quietly or obviously with their own identity and sexuality. In these restrictive times tensions can rise and everyday situations are still going on as does life.
There is no universal way of approaching your child or loved one about their sexuality as each person is unique and responds to situations differently.
Parents and family members can sometimes experience feelings of guilt when they fi rst learn of their child or loved one’s attraction to people of the same gender.
Some parents react with shock, denial and anger to the news that their child is lesbian, gay or bisexual. One response is to wonder “How could he/she do this to me?” This is not a rational reaction – but it is a human response to pain.
We liken this reaction to a grieving process: here you are grieving over losing an image of your child or loved one and losing what you saw for the future of your child or loved one. While their future may not be what you envisaged, that does not mean your child or loved one will not have a happy and fulfi lling life and that your relationship with them will not be a fantastic one.
Some parents feel that they did something “wrong” to raise a child who is lesbian, gay or bisexual. This belief stems from the dominant view in society that labels gays, lesbians and bisexuals as less than heterosexuals. There is no evidence that different parenting styles or family situations have a bearing on sexual orientation.
As you work through your feelings, you can take courage from the fact that the one thing your child has “done” to you is to trust that your relationship will grow as a result of you knowing the truth.
What families can provide is an environment in which a young person can understand themselves and strive to reach their full potential.
Our culture and society provide us with messages about a number of issues, including sexuality.
The negative messages and myths we have learned from our society about sexuality are very strong and not easy to dismiss. Religion is another strong infl uence too. However, developing a better understanding of your child or loved one, and becoming more familiar with the issues will help reduce these uncomfortable feelings.
Some parents may confront another source of guilt. Parents who see themselves as “open-minded” believing they have put sexual prejudice behind them are sometimes stunned to realise they are uncomfortable when they learn it is their child who is lesbian, gay or bisexual.
These parents not only have to grapple with suppressed, deep-rooted personal fears of same-sex attraction but also have the added burden of dealing with their conscious self-image of being “open- minded”.
It helps to concentrate on real concerns – what your child needs from you now. Try not to focus on the guilt. It is baseless and it accomplishes nothing for anyone. Neither you nor your child had or will have any control over the arrival and determination of your child’s sexuality.
This is the same for parents experiencing everything that goes with a transgender child.
Support can be gained from a counsellor or therapist experienced with family issues and sexual orientation. You may want to talk to someone about your own feelings and how to work through them. You may feel that you and your child need help communicating clearly through this period or you may recognise that your child is unhappy and needs help with self-acceptance. There are like-minded people out there and help is closer than you think.
PFLAG is an acronym for Parents and Friends of Lesians and Gays and it is globally recognised although it absolutely encompasses everyone in the LGBTI world. It is here to give help, support and information to families and friends right here on the Coffs Coast.
pfl agcoffscoast.com PFLAGcoffcoast 0417 861 045
COFFS HARBOUR AND DISTRICT FAMILY HISTORY
Cheryl Dal Pozzo, Secretary of the Co s Harbour and District Family History Society, was kind enough to outline what they o er and how to go about starting research on your own family history.
Can you tell us about the Coffs Harbour and District Family History Society and what it is you do?
We are located at 169 Rose Avenue, Coffs Harbour.
We were fi rst formed in 1984 with the aim of promoting the study and preservation of family histories.
As it was pre-computers our resources were limited to books and microfi che with readers which was slow as you had to scroll through them, year by year, which was very time consuming.
Today our numbers have grown signifi cantly along with so many resources online that cover not only Australian information but many overseas countries and more information being added all the time.
Our Society receives journals from other Societies and these are available at the rooms.
As we have progressed, we are now readily accessed via our website at www. coffsharbourfamilyhistory.com that includes events and copies of our own journal Genie Allergy which is published quarterly along with a copy of membership form.
We also have a facebook page coffsharbourfamilyhistory
The Society members meet to exchange knowledge and information and experiences in our own research journey.
Some members volunteer their time to act as monitors in the rooms assisting anyone interested in tracing their family links.
How would someone best go about starting their research?
First get a book and write down all you know about yourself and your family, working backwards until you hit a brick wall. Don’t use scraps of paper that may get lost.
As you go, keep records of where you fi nd your information, e.g. family, entries in family bible, certifi cates, photos, important documents, and if they belong to someone else ask if you can get a copy for your records.
There are forms available online and in the family history rooms that will assist you in recording all the information on birth, death, marriage, parents and siblings. The more information you have before you start your research the better chances you will have of getting answers to your unknown information.
What are the advantages of becoming a member?
Becoming a member of CHDFHS Inc. offers you many benefi ts. You will get full access to our comprehensive collection of family history indexes and databases, books, microfi lms, microfi che and computer resources as well as helpful advice and assistance from the duty monitors. Our resources are not limited to the Coffs Harbour District but include many covered Australia and overseas.
In addition you will have: • Free access to major subscription websites (Ancestry.com, Findmypast, TheGenealogist,
British Newspapers Archive and the Biographical Database of Australia). • Access to many restricted images of microfilms, etc. available from LDS FamilySearch as our Society is an affiliated library. Your personal login is required to access the site in our room. • Borrowing Library: selected books, CDs and DVDs as well as exchange journals from similar organisations are available to be borrowed by members. • Free attendance at workshops generally held on a monthly basis (excl. January and December). • Special rates for full day seminars generally held twice each year in lieu of the monthly workshop. • Free quarterly issue of the Society journal Genie Allergy. • Free publication of your research interests in Genie Allergy and in our Members Interests Directory. • Regular emails advising of events, Society and other genealogy related news.
With CHDFHS Inc.’s membership of both AFFHO (Australian Federation of Family History Organisations); and NSW & ACT Association of Family History Societies Inc., you may be entitled to reciprocal visiting rights (free or discounted) at other family history societies (you will need to show proof of your membership). Annual subscription is payable on 1st July each year at $45 per single and $60 for families of two living at the same address.
For those that are interested in doing some research, what are the rooms’ Opening Hours and how does it all work?
The rooms are normally open Tuesdays, Wednesdays, Thursdays and Saturdays. The rooms are closed on the 4th Saturday of the month in the afternoon to accommodate our workshops from 1pm to 4pm where we have speakers who talk on subjects of members’ interest and twice a year we have guest speakers for a full day 9am-4pm Seminar. Any changes, members will be notified by email.
At present due to Covid, we are only open 10am to 12pm with mandatory masks, distancing and check in each time you visit the rooms.
Should you wish to use computers etc please book by emailing as pre booking is essential.
Members are free with non-members being asked to pay a small fee.
WE ARE
ALWAYS WILLING TO ASSIST TO THE BEST OF OUR ABILITIES, ANYONE WANTING We have many pioneer registers, cemetery records including convicts and many other ASSISTANCE IN resources readily available. THEIR FAMILY There are also many copies of many RESEARCH. individuals’ own published family histories in our library for use by members. We are always willing to assist to the best of our abilities, anyone wanting assistance in their family research. For anyone wanting assistance in your research you need to email your request to the rooms and after receiving payment of $20 for the initial search the research team will spend two hours searching to see what information we hold. You will then be contacted to see if you wish to proceed and discuss the fees for further research.
You also run workshops and seminars, what do you have coming up?
On 28th August we have a seminar on DNA with Diane Smith being held in Cavanbah Hall. We are hoping this can go ahead. Emailing your intention of attending is required beforehand. Masks and checking in on the day is essential.
How do people get in touch?
Should you have any questions or research requests please contact us by email at coffsgenie@gmail.com
Thanks Cheryl.
RODGER PRYCE
He has a clear purpose to put things right, deliver outcomes that make a worthwhile di erence and give the Co s Coast the leadership it deserves.
Through community engagement, good decision making and positive action. We had a chat to Rodger to find out why he deserves your vote.
What position are you hoping to gain in this Coffs Coast Election?
I am standing for the Mayoral position, supported by a group of Councillor candidates called the Together We’ll Fix It group.
What do you bring to the position?
40-odd years as a resident of the Coffs Harbour Community, during which time I have participated in the raising of a family, undertaken a number of community roles including President of the Coffs Harbour Pony Club and the business community’s representative on the Council’s Strategic
My extensive business experience, including Planning Committee for over 20 years doing business with Council provides a well rounded, the Coffs CBD. Having lived in Mullaway, Emerald Beach, Moonee, Bucca, Korora, Coffs balanced knowledge of Harbour and now what works and what Brooklana, I am conscious doesn’t. of the different dynamics within our community and how important it is to consider the needs of the community as a whole. I have also owned investments in
most other areas of Coffs Harbour including Sawtell, Toormina and Boambee East. My extensive business experience, including over 20 years doing business with Council, provides a well rounded, balanced knowledge of what works and what doesn’t.
What are you passionate about?
Having come from very humble means during my childhood, I see the shape of the future Coffs Harbour being full of challenges. I relate best to those who are trying to raise a family and to create a secure family environment for their kids, not only now, but for their kids’ kids as well. This is right now a major concern with the pressures of survival and fear for what the future might hold. We need to urgently address the out of control escalation of rents and housing costs. We all live in Coffs Harbour because of what it offers, we need to preserve these values with a passion.
What would you change if you were elected?
77,000 people currently make up our Coffs community, they need to be heard and they have not been. We pay one of the highest levels of rates of any Council area in NSW and yet the delivery of services is below average. This is not a good reflection of business governance and must change. It is pretty much an "us" versus "them", divided community which is toxic and needs to change. My goal is to break down the barriers to engender inclusiveness, it never
If we pay more and get used to be this way in less then we need the past and does not a forensic need to be this way in the investigation future. Consultation processes with urgently of why, the community may tick convenient boxes, compared to other however an engaged, cohesive community Council areas, we only exists if the wishes of the community rate so poorly. are implemented. People on either side of a counter have a barrier between them, I don’t like counters.
The elected Council representatives should be the ultimate decision makers for the community. How would you implement these changes?
Transparency needs a massive shake up, too much happens behind a cloak of secrecy. It is our future, our money, we need to and are entitled to know. If we pay more and get less then we need a forensic investigation urgently of why, compared to other Council areas, we rate so poorly. When our roads, footpaths, reserves are in a mess and we have our Council staff working out of the area engaged in, for instance, upgrading sewer at Moree, we need to get out of that, bring our staff home and fix up where we live.
Continued over...
What do you love about our region?
The beaches, the hinterland, the climate, the space we have around us to enjoy.
We all came here for a reason, the last thing we want is a Mini Melbourne or a Same as Sydney mindset, which unfortunately from where I sit, seems to be happening. Our hinterland, the mountains meeting the sea is so unique, so much to enjoy, so much natural beauty, I love it.
What do you think we are lacking in our region?
The correct vision as to where we are going in the future and how we should be looking after the overall community. We need to work together, we are so fragmented, these are tough times.
The pandemic has hit the region hard – how can you assist businesses and constituents of Coffs Harbour?
The Council can be proactive in putting in place initiatives to encourage those coming out of lock down to support those in our community who are struggling the most, e.g. the small business owners of the CBD. Why not put on entertainment, create some life, encourage a light and positive attitude. This can also be repeated in areas like Woolgoolga and Sawtell.
There is another, major, underlying result of the pandemic and that is pressure on housing. Any forecasts of future population growth have been thrown out the window, we are considered a safe haven, people will flock here wanting to lessen the risk of getting the virus. This puts major pressure on our housing supply and major pressure on prices. Consider those saving for a home, or even those trying to find rental accommodation, if you think it is bad now, well it is about to get a whole lot worse. There is no way we can fit an additional 30,000 new residents into the land we have for housing now and what if that figure becomes 40,000? Those that have the financial means will push out of Coffs those that are trying to survive. When we have zoned residential land sitting as paddocks for over 20 years, we have a problem.
If elected as Mayor what will you do straight away?
Engage forensic accountants to see why we pay more rates than most other Councils in NSW and yet our provision of services is lower than most other Councils. Close Coastal Works. Two brands for the same business, when the business should e correct be administering the provision of services for vision as to our LGA is fundamentally where we are flawed when the provision going in the future of services is below and how we should average. be looking a er the Determine why $47 overall community. million from last financial We need to work year’s work budget was together, we are so not spent. fragmented, these Negotiate with Forestry are tough times. to relocate a new tip site, urgently, through our State representative. Establish a consultative group to engage with, representing different areas of the Coffs Harbour Local Government area from a geographic, ideological and demographic selection basis.
How can we find out more?
You can email us team@cctogether.com.au or follow our Facebook page www.facebook.com/ Togetherwefix
Thanks Rodger.
e Council can be proactive in pu ing in place initiatives to encourage those coming out of lock down to support those in our community who are struggling the most, e.g. the small business owners of the CBD. Why not put on entertainment, create some life, encourage a light and positive a itude.
MOOSE FOR MAYOR
A er 4 years on the Council, Paul Amos (known be er as ‘Moose’ to many people) is going for Mayor. We talked to him about why and what a Council run by Moose would look like.
What made you
want to run for Council in the first place?
My family has been connected to this community for generations. I felt it was my turn to contribute as I am in the privileged position of being able to do so. I realise a lot of good people may wish to contribute as a councillor but personal circumstances do not allow for this. I had a good friend pass away at the time and this was also a motivation. I felt I had some aptitude for the role and wanted to see if I could fulfill this.
What do you think you bring to the Council?
I’m fortunate to have lived in Coffs for most of my life and have been involved with a lot of community groups over the years. I think this means a lot of people feel pretty comfortable picking up the phone and telling me what their local issues are so I can take them forward. I go for a swim at the jetty before work each day and people just come and have a chat about issues. I pick up my phone and talk to people. I’m not sitting in my house making decisions without talking to a lot of people first, which means I think that most of the time I’m representing what a lot of people think. I’ve run a large business, so I know what’s required to run a budget responsibly. I’m also at a time in my life where I have the time and energy to look at the papers properly. Sometimes we’ll get up to 800-1000 pages of reading before a Council meeting. I take it very seriously that it’s my job to read through these and be across the details. I look at the figures closely and if you ever listen to a Council meeting, you will notice I am consistently making sure the Council management are being held to account on where they are spending money and whether this is getting the best value for local people.
What is the best part of being involved
with the Council?
Having the ability to shape the opportunities my kids and grandkids will have living in the region is fantastic. I can see how some of the decisions we’re making impact positively on how people live their lives day to day. It’s definitely also nice when people come and tell you that you’re doing a good job. I have fought hard on some issues and it’s nice to know some people are noticing.
What is the hardest part of being a
Councillor?
You’ll never please everyone and sometimes people will perceive things without bothering to listen to what happened at a Council meeting. It’s natural to win some battles and lose some, but it’s challenging when you’ve done your research, you know what the community wants and the vote goes against you. Unfortunately, community views have been largely ignored in some decisions and that has been the biggest challenge for me to see that happening.
What are the key decisions you see facing the Council in the next 4 years and where do you stand on these?
Each year we get told there is zero backlog on local maintenance, but I know this is not the case. There are still large parts of the area that don’t have decent curb and guttering and footpaths. Our tip stinks out the town and we’ve got to sort out how the local agriculture industry is affecting things like our coastal waterways so we get this balance right. We have to get these priorities in order because they affect people’s health and quality of life. As many people know, I have been against the new Cultural building in the centre of town because I don’t think it delivers what our area needs. Now that this has been approved, the challenge will be to make sure this doesn’t go over budget and we can make it as useful as possible. The other thing is that I will fight hard for the Jetty foreshores and coastal parks to be a place that the community can enjoy for free. The State Government owns most of the land and we have been successful in getting some of it back for the local community, but I think we can do more on this front to make sure that it’s there for future generations to enjoy. The community spirit that drives our town comes from things like the markets, festivals and sports clubs that operate in our parklands and we need to make sure that is preserved.
You were the only Independent candidate to make it onto the Council. Has this helped or hindered your progress?
I think it has hindered me in some votes as I haven’t had other people vote in blocks, but in many ways it has helped because I am not obliged to vote a certain way just because my buddy did. I can look at things without worrying about how I am supposed to vote. I look at the research, I talk to people and make a decision on that basis.
Why would someone vote for you and not some of the large groups who have already thrown their hat in the ring for Mayor?
I would just say that I’m a true independent and what you see is what you get. I have enough experience now having been in there for one term to know how to run things smoothly. I don’t think it’s responsible to put your hand up for Mayor having not been on the Council at all. It would be like the 17-yearold on the open footy team wanting to be the Captain for their first game. I also think you need a bit of life experience to be a good Mayor. To be able to front up to meetings with State and Federal members and put up a good fight for our local area and hold your own. Hopefully I’ve earnt my stripes in the past 4 years. People know how hard I work and how passionate I am, and they know what they are going to get if they vote for me. I’m not trying to get a large group of people in there to drive my own agenda. I don’t work for any of the political parties. I don’t represent a particular club. I think it’s a positive thing to have an independent Mayor.
Tell us about why you selected the team that you have with you this time around.
I will have a small team and be very selective because I think it’s important people know who they are voting for and that I can vouch for each person. It’s not a matter of just roping in whoever I can find to get votes my way. I wanted to make sure I can look people in the eye and say if this person gets onto the Council, Coffs will be better off. I can confirm that the first person I asked was Scott Wolgamott because he is one of the most intelligent men I know, is a passionate Coffs Harbour resident having raised his family here despite being from Minnesota originally. Scott has been a huge part of developing the agricultural industry here. He also has a strong social conscience and is an avid outdoors enthusiast, so I think he balances the commercial and environmental considerations well. In the next 3 years, we need to work out a way for our agricultural community to function in an environmentally sustainable way to protect the natural assets we have here.
Finally, can you tell us why you’re called Moose?
I have a few colourful responses to that question.. but the truth is I grew up living up the hill from good mate Deane Crockett and his Mum (Betty) used to call out to us when it got dark. Paul AMOOOOSE she would yell, and we’d make our way home. I’ve been called Moose since school times and some people still don’t know my real name! Paul Amos will be running for Mayor in 2021 as an Independent Candidate. His family have lived in the area for 5 generations.
e State
Tegan Swan is a seasoned councillor and previous Deputy Mayor who brings with her lots of experience and always has an ear open to listen to her community and to strive for the best outcomes. She is hoping to be a councillor again and to take up the position of Mayor.
TEGAN SWAN
What position are
you hoping to gain in this Coffs Coast Election?
I would love to become the Mayor in this next election, I would also be very honoured to be a Councillor for another term.
What do you bring to the position?
A LOT of learning from this last term! There’s talk around wanting all new councillors, I know from experience how daunting and unexpected the ride is and believe me, we need a mix. The experience I’m bringing with me this time is valuable in understanding processes, trusting myself and building on where we’re at.
I’ll also bring my ears so I can listen and be responsive to our community, and a willingness to work through the different and competing expectations so we can use them to create the best outcomes each time.
What are you passionate about?
I never expected to be so passionate about being in Local Government that’s for sure! But representing our community has my whole heart and I hope I get to do it for a long time. I’m passionate about encouraging people to be engaged in the decisions that impact their future. I’m passionate about different perspectives, beliefs and priorities being recognised as a strength and empowering us to all work together
I love our especially when we want location and different things. environment; I love I’m passionate about our unique creating thriving and communities, the individual charm of each area. I love our connected communities and seeing Coffs Harbour recognised as the best place to live or visit businesses, especially anywhere! with everything What would you they’re facing! I love change if you were our people and the elected? way they show up for I would like to change each other. the culture of how we perceive the value of local government and our council. We need to review how we serve and interact with our community. If we ensure we’re doing the little things well, we’ll be trusted to do the big things too. There is so
much goodness already being delivered, I’d love to see that recognised and celebrated, to create an environment where we can continue to grow and see opportunities for improvement in a positive respectful way.
How would you implement these changes?
The reality is... slowly! Making changes at this level involves understanding existing policies, strategies and responsibilities already in place and working to prioritise the objectives that suit this desired direction. Councillors and Mayors can implement new things or changes by working with their fellow councillors, utilising Notices of Motion in council meetings and taking the time to ensure they are across the items of business that come before them each meeting to ensure resolutions of council are in line with the changes they are seeking to achieve.
What do you love about our region?
EVERYTHING!!! I may be biased but I LOVE us! In my opinion we are the best place in the world. I love our location and environment; I love our unique communities, the individual charm of each area. I love our businesses, especially with everything they’re facing! I love our people and the way they show up for each other. I love the individuals and groups who are creating opportunities, taking risks to grow our city and make it even better in so many ways.
What do you feel we are lacking in this region?
There will always be things we don’t have that we need. Let’s focus on solutions rather than problems. Right now, the priorities are addressing housing pressures so many people are facing, implementing long term sustainable waste solutions, opportunities to create more employment and industry growth and engaging young people in designing what the future of our city should look like.
The pandemic has hit the region hard – how can you assist businesses and constituents of Coffs Harbour?
We need to support each other as we recover and adjust to what life looks like now. It’s important to understand and respect the
Our priority as a local government body needs to be people over profit, if this remains our focus we will recover faster and strengthen the trust and respect our community has for our council. evolving nature of what people need, what they’re struggling with and what opportunities they see. If we’re listening, implementing, responding and working together we will get through this stronger and more connected. There already are and will continue to be financial impacts to our community. Our priority as a local government body needs to be people over profit, if this remains our focus we will recover faster and strengthen the trust and respect our community has for our council.
If elected as Mayor, what will you do straight away?
I’ll support all our new councillors to feel valued and confident in their role, to appreciate the positive impact they can make on our community. I’d also love to create listening sessions around our Local Government Area so we can regularly hear from our community and I wouldn’t mind taking our council meetings on the road so we can physically demonstrate all areas of our LGA are equally important and included.
Thanks Tegan.
DEAN EVERS
AN OPEN LETTER TO THE ELECTORATE: THE CHOICE IS IN YOUR HANDS!
Hello. My name is Dean Evers and I am running as an independent candidate for the position of Mayor at our upcoming council elections.
Standing as a Mayoral candidate to represent the residents and ratepayers of Coffs Harbour is a role I do not take lightly. I hope this letter gives some insight to who I am and what I believe in.
I have been asked many times ‘Why am I running for Coffs Harbour Mayor?’ Firstly, I am not a politician. I have no plans or aspirations to become a politician and I have no affi liations with any political party. I simply want to see YOU – the people of Coffs Harbour – get the common sense leadership YOU deserve. Open, transparent, compassionate leadership.
Secondly, currently, there is disharmony over poor decision making and there is concern about the lack of transparency. YOU can bring change by voting for a new kind of representative. YOU have my pledge that, if you bestow on me the privilege of Mayor, the “best interests of the community” will be at the forefront of every decision and action I support or table. Finally, I am about “Putting YOU, the People First”.
Coffs Harbour has my HEART. I have called Coffs Harbour home since moving here in the spring of 1994, and I believe Coffs Harbour remains the best place to live and raise a family. Coffs Harbour has so much potential and I want to see Coffs Harbour realise its potential.
My background is 22 years in the Human Services sector and I am founder of local charity Hope for the Homeless - Coffs Harbour Inc. I have an additional 15 years in commercial and business leadership. This experience has provided me with an incredible insight into human nature and the knowledge and skills needed to lead in current and future challenging times. With strong communication and relationship skills, I have consistently taken leadership roles throughout my professional and community life.
There are many contentious issues facing the new council to address and these issues will be discussed at length by the newlyelected Council, and as a collective they will be addressed in some shape. Although I have my own personal views on a wide range of issues I realise that I cannot commit to any action as, if elected, I am only one voice. What I can do is commit to the highest standards of integrity in ensuring all issues will be vigorously debated in an open and transparent manner so as to meet the best expectations of the community.
I will bring the following skills and qualities as Mayor:
• Demonstrated commitment and dedication to our community • Leadership and advocacy • Community development and consultation • Organisational and fi nancial literacy • Commitment to sustainability and the preservation of our natural environment • Enthusiasm, determination and focus on delivering positive outcomes.
My HEART is in this community. I am asking for YOUR VOTE. I want to apply the same passion and commitment that drives me every day to make a difference in our community to the role of Mayor. In that regard, YOU have my promise that I will listen to YOU and consult with YOU and adhere to the Mayoral Oath of Offi ce.
There is a saying I have always believed in “I wondered why somebody didn’t do something – then I realised I am somebody.” I want to continue to make a difference and I need you to believe in me, to bring out the best in Coffs Harbour.
Remember in December – the choice is in your hands!
Vote Dean Evers, Mayor for Coffs Harbour City Council, on December 4th.
