DETERMINATION

By Kinyatta E. Gray

In hindsight, Tiffany Carter, just like the rest of us, had no idea how much COVID and the resulting global pandemic would impact her life.

Fortunately, the pandemic did not stop her plans at all; in fact, this global crisis allowed Tiffany to focus on what mattered most and she set out to prove to herself that a determined woman is unstoppable. Tiffany managed to achieve an Ed.D. from Drexel University despite the COVID-19 pandemic.

As Tiffany prepares for yet another graduation after attaining the highest levels of education, I had an opportunity to meet with Dr. Carter and learn first-hand how she did it.

Dr. Tiffany Carter currently serves as a Program Manager, responsible for providing innovative leadership and strategic direction in the management of high profile programs within a Federal government agency. In this role, she demonstrates her passion for education, special emphasis programs, inclusive diversity and impacting and empowering others, in the development of leader development programs. Prior to joining the Federal government, Dr. Carter served in higher education as the Associate Director of Admissions at Southeastern University, Assistant Director of Admissions at Trinity University and various positions in the University of Maryland System. Dr. Carter earned a Bachelor of Arts in English from the University of Maryland College Park, Master of Science in Organizational Counseling from The Johns Hopkins University and a Doctorate of Education in Educational Leadership and Management, with a concentration in Human Resource Development, from Drexel University. Ms. Carter is also a certified Association for Talent Development (ATD) Consultant and International Coach Federation - Associate Certified Coach.

She enjoys spending time with her husband of 15 years, two children and fur babies, two dogs and a hamster. She loves nature, hiking, grounding and traveling anywhere the ocean awaits. In her spare time, she enjoys reading a good book that enlightens her soul and challenges her thinking to aspire to new levels in life.

COVID-19 definitely impacted Tiffany's family and work life -- for the better. She took advantage of the opportunity to spend real quality time with her husband and children. The best part was the ability to pause and get more in tune with herself. Prior to COVID, she did not believe she was existing, but to some degree, she was. She did a great job getting up each day, prepping the kids for school, going to work and returning home. She and her husband would help the kids with their homework and/or projects, get them to their extracurricular activities, cook dinner, then she would take her doctoral classes twice a week for 4-6 hours and the list goes on...just to do it all over again the next day. She and her husband, together, got it DONE. However, when the pandemic hit, everything literally stopped. She felt like she could breathe! Yes, she had to figure out a new schedule, as to what worked best for her children in their new virtual school environment, she and her husband had to work out when each of them would be what she called, the shorthand lunch cooks. Yet over time, she and her husband had more time to teach their children life skills, such as how to cook, do laundry, mow the lawn and more. They still vacationed infrequently, but not the typical beach vacation. Instead, they went camping, even hunkered down in a cabin in Asheville, NC and Chattanooga, TN; went hiking to enjoy the simple things in life- like nature and most importantly, each other.

The moments of quietude enhanced her level of self-awareness, and that was when she became more intentional about setting goals and teaching her children the same. They created vision boards and did creative things together. But, for her, what she truly learned when it came to work-life, was not to let work dictate her life. People often get consumed with work, it just happens. People get so bogged down with busy work, desiring to climb the corporate ladder, and not take time to do things that really make an impact. One can get busy just being busy. So, she began to think about what was important to her like how much did she like her job? She learned how valuable she is and began to think about what is next for her. By working at home, she also learned how to protect her energy and space so that worklife would not seep into her home atmosphere. She learned to keep them separate. She respects her time. When it was time to disconnect, it was time to disconnect and be with her family. She learned how to say no to some things and yes to herself. She put herself first- unapologetically, and discovered newfound peace and joy. Though COVID-19 had a negative impact on the world, it was a blessing she was able to experience positivity.

She had learned how to listen to her body, ask for help, and practice gratitude. There were times when she had to take a time out. Being home for the majority of the time, believe it or not, was draining; not having an outlet, being in mommy mode all day, and not having a break to decompress from her workday. Then having to carve out time to complete school assignments, defend her dissertation proposal and conduct her research study last summer - needless to say, it was a lot; however, she had her husband next to her to help her along the way. You see, it was not only the challenges faced with the COVID-19 pandemic, but also in light of the racial tension in the world during the same time. She faced emotional hardships as a woman of color and raising Black children. She took time to be in touch with her raw feelings, cried often; with the help of God, her husband, and friends to unleash, she was able to get back on track, be intentional to continue to pursue what she wanted to accomplishwhich was to make a difference, focusing her research study on a topic that will impact others and complete her Ed.D., in the midst of COVID-19.

Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. She often felt like she was unable to give her husband and children 100% of herself. However, she made concerted efforts to be fully present when she was spending time with them. When wife/mom guilt set in, she would let her family know how she felt and wanted to hear how they all felt. Communication was key and helped her work through the guilt of her pursuing her dream. In fact, she slightly delayed completing her degree in order to spend the Christmas holidays with them, and disconnected from schoolwork to enjoy the holidays with her family because to her, time is something you can't get back. So, yes, she sacrificed and found a middle ground that she could live with. To her, it was worth it. She realized that her children were watching her. She had to practice what she preached and show them the way (no pressure, right?). She wanted them to witness what it looked like to pursue a degree, work hard for what you believe in and achieve it. Yes, they saw her cry when she got frustrated at times. Working full-time and meeting competing work demands of instituting a highly visible leader development program, in addition to leading 3 other programs - it was hard to stay on top of everything and not miss a beat. There were times she believed she could not complete the research study, until God reminded her that He had people strategically placed in the workplace and in her personal life to encourage her. God certainly knew what she needed and when she needed it. She was reminded that completing her degree was not only for her, but to help other women of color. She was convinced of her purpose.

Dr. Carter shared with me that goal-setting is one of the many keys to her success and encourages our readers to start with small goals and work toward the bigger goals. Here are some of Dr. Carter’s goals spanning over the next five-years:

God, herself, family and her faith. She has so much to live for and work to do. Her heart is full with gratitude, with the life she has been gifted. Despite the loss of her mother in 2007, the life she lived and all she deposited into Tiffany, continues to motivate her. She takes time to pause to reflect on a time she lost hope and motivation. In fact, she did not want to go on in life without her mom. She felt like God ripped out her heart when He took her mother to return to Him. However, one night, Tiffany had a dream where her mother appeared. As Tiffany was crouched in the fetal position, she recalled her mom coming from behind her, and wrapped her arms around her waist and lifted her up to her feet and whispered in Tiffany's ear, "You have to keep going. Come on now, Tiffany, get up. " She has held on to that particular dream that incessantly serves as a reminder to her that she is her mother's legacy. Her children motivate her because she is responsible to instill things in them to continue her mother's legacy, as well hers and her husband's. She knows that with God, she can and will achieve great things.

The Carter family would have traveled to Hawaii in June, 2021. (Let’s hope that they can travel there soon)!

“Education is the most powerful weapon which you can use to change the world. ” ~Nelson Mandela.

“The greatest legacy one can pass on to one’s children and grandchildren is not money, or other material things accumulated in one’s life, but rather, a legacy of character and faith. ” ~Billy Graham.

Dr. Tiffany Carter’s determination and commitment to excellence and achieving her brand of victory serves as a success and “how to not be defeated” model for us all.

Photo Credit: Rae Marcel @raemarcel (IG) and @raemarcelphotography (Facebook) Make-up Artist: Kiara Nichole @ki_topurpose (IG)

KINYATTA E. GRAY IS A PUBLISHED AUTHOR, EDITOR-IN-CHIEF OF FLIGHTSINSTILETTOS MAGAZINE AND, C.E.O. OF FLIGHTSINSTILETTOS, LLC.