Finchley Community Magazine

o mmunity C F I N C H L E Y

YO U R

F R E E

LO C A L

M AG A Z I N E

M AY/J U N E 2 0 2 0

ISSUE 1

I can see a

RAINBOW The power of positivity

LOCAL INSPIRATION The magic of Spike Milligan

by JANE MILLIGAN I LOVE N3 – a local walk with unique history WELL-BEING – learn and practise self-love

FREE

DIGITAL EDITION

BRINGING OUR COMMUNITY TOGETHER

welcome

Community FI N C H L E Y

YOU R

FRE E

LO CA L

M AGA ZINE

EDITOR Nicola Harrison SUB-EDITOR Diane Langleben

FRONT COVER IMAGE: DEMAERRE/ISTOCK / ILLUSTRATION/LAUREN REBBECK

DESIGNER Richard Cooke

Special thanks to: My Rich for being totally and unwaveringly awesome in his support and creativity My wonderfully kind volunteer sub-editor Diane My fabulous friend and business coach Zuzana

H

ello everyone!

It is with great happiness that I welcome you to the first issue of Finchley Community Magazine.

As one of the many start-ups in this current climate where so much is uncertain, the one certainty is that we need the support of our local community more than ever.

Our focus is to: connect, share, inspire and create a positive community buzz!

In many ways, having to start our magazine online has been a blessing because we have very quickly got a high number of followers on social media and our audience grows daily.

We have been contacted by a number of local, interesting people and businesses who are writing articles for us and advertising.

These are good indications that what we offer is needed and wanted by our local community.

I do hope you will be part of this magazine by sharing your story of Finchley with our wonderful, heart-warming community.

My Dad for knowing I would love creating this

Nicola

My Mum for just always believing in me

www.finchleycommunity.wixsite.com/fcmag

My Rosa for inspiring me Marika and Jon for kindly sharing their expertise

nicola.fcmag@gmail.com

www.facebook.com/fcm.nicola www.twitter.com/@NicolaFCmag www.@instagram.com/finchleycommunitymagazine

Finchley Community 3

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contents

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Contents Famous in Finchley

Surviving lockdown

Stephens House & Gardens

Self-love

I love N3

The kindness of others

Housework happiness

Creative club

Online awareness

Radio heads-up

6 Jane Milligan reflects

10 Finchley’s hidden treasure 14 A walk with history

20 Behaviour researcher, Shiri Atsmon 24 Author, Miriam Halahmy

32 Pre-school teacher, Nicky Reynolds 36 Business coach, Zuzana Taylor 38 The ripple effect

39 Finchley in Springtime 40 Presenter, Bex Salmon

Spreading joy

28 Artist, Sonya Elizabeth

Finchley Community 5

jane milligan

Jane Milligan Reflects on life growing up with her famous father and what Finchley means to her

F

inchley is extremely special a thing, a huge expanse of lawn and to me, my birthplace, my first wooden swing hanging from a giant family home. tree; the third section was messy and I was born in North wild, and overgrown to a child’s head London in the late 60s height. It reached the banks of Dollis and spent my first eight idyllic years Brook where we could paddle and fish; growing up at 127 Holden Road, sometimes we rode downstream on a Woodside Park. The house was a pretty piece of passing wood. typical four-bed Edwardian family Spike had a built a studio at the end home with a long garden that stretched of the garden, like a work cabin where from our house down he could escape to to Dollis Brook. write. The studio had “We all completely electricity, a desk to Spike bought it believed that pixies, work on and a chest in 1955, the perfect place to raise his of wooden drawers fairies and other young family. It was with manuscript mythical creatures filled a great family house paper, pens and most lived at the bottom importantly, teathat came with a very magical garden. This making equipment. of our garden garden was made Spike was at the in Finchley” up of three sections: peak of his success as a nearest the house was writer and sometimes the ‘smart’ bit, with pretty flower beds he worked on his scripts, radio shows and rabbit run outside the kitchen’s and poetry in this quiet spot. picture window; the middle section had I remember it being a child’s dream the put-up swimming pool, famously environment. Time at the end of the where ‘he’s fallen in the water’ became garden with Dad was special. Here he Finchley Community 7

invented a fairy kingdom which he would feed into our imaginations.

We all completely believed that pixies, fairies and other mythical creatures lived at the bottom of our garden in Finchley. On the left you can see some of the letters Dad wrote to us.

I’m pretty sure my three siblings would agree it was a truly magical time in our childhood.

The Milligan family thrived in this environment, until the local authorities approached us with an offer to buy our house, because they wanted to develop the land to build flats and houses.

Our street became a building site and in August 1974 we finally moved from Holden Road to live in Monkenhurst, a rather crumbly gothic folly, on the edge of Hadley Wood.

A special place Finchley was most special to my Dad. Many of his comedy mates had settled in north London in the 50s with their young families.

My sisters and brother were all born and schooled in north London. Most of us settled in the borough of Barnet at some point or another and my sister Sile and I are still here.

Family was everything to Spike, and Finchley is where his own family were born and grew up. He became very active in the community and spent a lot of time wrangling with the council and the local politicians about various issues in the area, mainly conservation.

Photos from my family album • That’s me as a baby!

• My treasured fairy letters • The family swing carved by Dad • My 16th birthday; Spike dressed as Adolf Hitler and I am a pink rabbit – all perfectly normal

jane milligan When a local amenity group, The Finchley Society, was set up in 1971, he was one of the first to join. He became its president and later its patron.

The Society’s achievements include conserving buildings and areas of beauty that would have been lost to time and the developers. I continue to stay in touch with the core of the group, lovely people who are dedicated to Spike’s memory, so much so that they started a fund to raise money to have a statue erected in his honour which sits in the gardens at Stephens House.

This is a most wonderful tribute created by the gifted John Somerville, after fund-raising efforts

by Barbara and Derek Warren and David Smith. They are an awesome bunch of superhumans. We are eternally grateful.

Community spirit Community means a lot to me. I am close to my immediate neighbours and we look out for each other’s welfare; many friends also live nearby.

I am so lucky to live in such a lovely part of London. I spend a lot of time

walking my dog locally and long to see the disused community buildings being used for local people to meet and enjoy some human company, in a cafetype environment.

One of these buildings, in Dollis Brook open space, is an old bricked-up building, sitting there doing nothing.

There are so many people in our borough, alone and bored, some with mental health issues, some just lonely.

Out of such ideas come actual plans and sometimes they are put into action. My Dad was the best example of this I can give you, he is not here to action these ideas so I will have to pursue them myself.

Spike was always doing something for charity, he used his status for good wherever he could. He must have raised thousands in his lifetime.

Not many people know about this side of him. His compassion was everything. He hated injustice and any form of cruelty, especially to children or animals. This could be the smallest orphaned fox cub being potentially gassed in the local park or Brent Lodge being demolished to make way for new housing. n

M Y T O P 3 F AV O U R I T E T H I N G S T O D O I N F I N C H L E Y : 1 Long walks along Dollis Brook with my dog imagining the fairies still living by the brook 2 Passing Tally Ho corner, scene of past Christmas carol-singing gatherings by the giant Christmas tree, and shouting Tally Ho!

3 Visiting Stephens House and Gardens for a cuppa with my friend Malcolm Godfrey who runs the place. The house is a great meeting spot and where I got married. I can chat with my Dad’s statue close to the house and see his Broadwood grand piano on display inside

Finchley Finchley Community Community 0 9

stephens house

Stephens House & Gardens Malcolm Godfrey and Holly Collier shed light on the future of Finchley’s hidden treasure

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tephens House & Gardens is the former home of Henry Charles (Inky) Stephens, son of the inventor of the famous blue-black ink. Upon his death in 1918, he bequeathed Avenue House to the people and nearly 10 years on from then, the house and gardens opened to the public. Avenue House and its outbuildings have become home to a family of charities, small businesses and societies, providing an important local facility for the community.

Since 2002 the house and gardens have been managed by the independent charity Avenue House Estate Trust under guidelines set out in the legacy of Henry Stephens. The charity receives no regular external funding support and relies almost entirely upon the income it generates from hiring the facilities for functions and events, and from the visitor cafĂŠ in the stables.

In 2014 the name was changed to Stephens House & Gardens to better interpret the history of the place.

Membership The Trust is most grateful to those members who make a regular financial contribution. All regular donors are offered membership and can sign up via our website (www. stephenshouseandgardens.com) where they can also learn about membership benefits including discounts on hiring the house or visiting the cafĂŠ.

The Trust has always struggled to get across the message about how the Gardens are funded and how all-yearround free admission is facilitated, many still believing that the gardens are a park managed by the local authority. The grounds are a privately managed open space, to which the Trust allows public access, free of Finchley Community 11

charge. Within the Gardens can be found playgrounds, fitness equipment and an arboretum with many rare trees. All in all, the Gardens are a space in which to breathe and are a much needed and well-used community facility. All the Trust asks in return is that users follow a few simple rules and are mindful of the needs of others.

Stephens House The amazing house offers excellent opportunities for business and private events as well as family parties, right on your doorstep. Not many London venues can boast a Victorian mansion and 10 acres of landscaped gardens for your wedding pictures, or the space for the young guests to let off steam while the grownups let down their hair.

The House has also featured in some well-known television productions including the ever-popular Grantchester and Call the Midwife.

Impact of coronavirus On 24 March 2020, Stephens House & Gardens closed temporarily to the public, as restrictions began to be 12 Finchley Community

imposed across the country as a result of the COVID-19 pandemic. This was a difficult decision to make and came as a disappointment to its many regular visitors. Many public parks have remained open or in some cases have recently reopened, and because the public assumption is that Stephens House & Gardens are also a public park, people question why we are not also open.

Currently, the staff is feeling this financial impact at first hand; some have lost their jobs and others have been furloughed. The opening of the Gardens would require the Trust to bring in staff. While employees remain furloughed, and until opening can again generate an income, the Trust will not be able to open the Gardens in isolation.

However, even when the current lockdown ends and there is some relaxation of the rules on hospitality venues, the financial recovery of House and Gardens will not be instantaneous.

To ensure the future, the business will need to be rebuilt and the local community can be highly instrumental in attaining success. n

stephens house

H OW CA N T H E C O M M U N I T Y H E L P ?

•B ook your next family or business event in the House • Visit the Gardens and use the café •H elp us deliver history, join our Visitor Services Team as a volunteer, become an explainer, host tours, staff our fascinating small museum and other exhibitions •H elp us deliver public events in the house and gardens • Join in with our ever-popular programme of family-fun events •B ecome an ambassador for Stephens House & Gardens and let others know who we are and what we do by meeting and informally chatting with gardens users

•B ecome a volunteer gardener and help to maintain the historic landscape of the gardens; help to tend the pond, our natural habitats and develop the bog garden •B ecoming a volunteer allows you to learn new skills and meet new people; regular volunteers enjoy all the benefits of being a member •H elp us explore currently untapped income streams •B ecome a member and offer regular financial support •M ake a donation: www.stephenshouseandgardens.com/ get-involved/support-us/donate

The opportunities are only limited by the imagination, many currently not available but only for the lack of human resources. Simply visit the website (www. stephenshouseandgardens.com) and find out how to do your bit to make Stephens House & Gardens your community facility and preserve it for future generations.

The trustees recognise that this is a challenging time for many, both businesses and individuals. However, please consider donating to Stephens House & Gardens. It is easy to set up a donation online, either as a one-off or as a regular donation.

These donations will make a real difference at a time when financial help is needed to ensure that Stephens House & Gardens are reopened and continue to be enjoyed by the community.

Malcolm Godfrey is the general manager of Stephens House & Gardens and Holly Collier is a social media marketing consultant.

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history

I♥ N3

WALKING

Along the way, enjoy finding out interesting local history including which Victorian gentleman built his fortune from knicker elastic!

Words: Stephen Benton / Photography: Richard Cooke

STARTING POINT: WEST FINCHLEY STATION

This is rather like a little country station, especially on the platforms.

This station is on the branch line that was built from Finchley Central to High Barnet in 1872. Although it looks quite old, it was only opened in March 1933.

According to architectural historian, Nikolaus Pevsner, the fittings for this station came from old stations in northern England — Ryhill and Wintersett. So maybe this explains why it does not look its age.

This modest and small station was there to serve new housing developments. Initially the line was operated by the London and North Eastern Railway (LNER).

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The section of line from East Finchley to High Barnet was incorporated into the London Underground network through the ‘Northern Heights’ project begun in the late 1930s.

West Finchley station was first served by Northern line trains in 1940.

LNER service stopped in 1941 so that West Finchley became a station served only by the Underground.

STOP 1: NO. 60 COURTHOUSE ROAD Turn left out of the station, go along Nether Street and take the first right which is Courthouse Gardens. Keep to the right hand pavement. Notice the house numbers go up to the low 30s

walking N3 and then suddenly jump to 64.

If you look carefully you will see a street sign which shows we have moved from Courthouse Gardens to Courthouse Road. We have strayed over the border into N12, but there is an interesting N3 connection. We are looking for Number 60 just on the right.

Harry Beck This house was the home of Harry Beck from 1936 to 1960. He is famously credited with creating the iconic tube map in 1933.

When we get to Finchley Central Station, we will see a replica of his map and a plaque saying that Harry Beck used Finchley Central for many years to get to work. This was because for the first few years he lived here, the trains from the new West Finchley station were not Underground trains but steam trains!

STOP 2: FORMER DRIVE TO NETHER COURT Return along Courthouse Road/ Courthouse Gardens. Turn right at Nether Street and then take a right into Eversleigh Road.

Go to the end and ahead is our next stop.

Nether Court Immediately opposite Eversleigh Road is a gateway and a pathway leading into parkland. This leads on to Finchley Golf Course.

This was once the grand entrance drive to the 15-bedroomed home of a wealthy Victorian businessman, Henry Thomas Tubbs. The house, called Nether Court, was built in the early 1880s. He had made his money from knicker elastic!

After his death the house and grounds lay unused but eventually became Finchley Golf Club in 1929, with the house as its clubhouse.

history STOP 3: DOLLIS BROOK VIADUCT Now go along Gordon Road as if you had taken a left turn out of Eversleigh Road. As you walk along Gordon Road you will see across the allotments a railway viaduct (our next stop).

At the end turn right into Dollis Road and find a place to view it.

Railway viaduct If you are lucky, you will see an underground train high up there on that viaduct, but this is another bit of the Northern Line which was built as a ‘normal’ railway. This is the branch line that runs between Finchley Central and Mill Hill East, which is also from the ‘Northern Heights project of the 1930s.

Apparently the greatest elevation above the ground level is here on the Northern line at Dollis Brook viaduct over Dollis Road – some 18 metres (60ft) above the ground. But this is not the highest place above sea level.

Finchley Central Station Enter the station and go on to the nearest platform for central London. There are several things to see: firstly, a board put up by the Finchley Society, which advertises the Stephens Collection Museum and a little information about the first train here in 1867. A little further along there is a small plaque commemorating Harry Beck, and a copy of his original schematic map of the Underground network.

STOP 5: NUMBER 53 LICHFIELD GROVE

STOP 4: FINCHLEY CENTRAL STATION

Leave the station by the footbridge. Turn left into Station Road, right into Wootton Grove and left into Lichfield Grove.

Our next stop is just on the left.

Retrace your steps along Dollis Road. At the end, do a right into Nether Street. Go over the railway bridge — you will have to cross to the left-hand pavement and continue to the end. At the cross roads, go straight across into Chaville Way, which leads down to Finchley Central station.

Terry Thomas This was where the comedian and character actor Terry-Thomas (1911– 1990) was born. He added a hyphen to his name in 1947, saying it was “not for snob reasons but to tie the two names together. They didn’t mean much apart; together they made a trade name”.

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walking N3

STOP 6: STEPHENS HOUSE AND GARDENS Continue along Lichfield Grove.

Turn right into Sylvan Avenue and at the end go right and soon on the left you will see a gateway into a park — go in there.

Inky Stephens You are now in the wonderful grounds of Stephens House (known until recently as Avenue House). This was the home of Henry Charles Stephens (1841–1918), also known as Inky Stephens. It was, however, his father, Dr Henry Stephens, who invented in 1832 an indelible “blue-black writing fluid”, which became famous as Stephens’ Ink and formed the foundation of a successful worldwide company which lasted for over 150 years. Inky Stephens left the house and grounds to be opened to the public and today they are run by a charitable trust.

There is a nice little inky museum in the house — also check out their website for events throughout the year: www.stephenshouseandgardens.com The Gardens Continue straight ahead, and then after the building called “the Bothy” turn right just before the exit gate. This leads towards the house.

The Spike statue Before we get to the house you will come across a sculpture of a man sitting on a bench on the left. It is none other than Spike Milligan — you may wonder why he is sitting in a public

gardens in Finchley — he lived in Finchley from 1955 to 1974.

When The Finchley Society, was set up in 1971, he was one of the first to join. He became its President and later its Patron. In 2004, a group of his friends, family and The Finchley Society raised funds for the creation of a life-size bronze statue by John Somerville Ahead is the house. It has the Finchley motto — Regnant Qui Serviunt — They rule who serves.

STOP 7: CINEMA SITE Now leave the house and grounds and turn right into East End Road.

Then turn right into Regents Park Road and continue to the junction with Arcadia Avenue.

history 1920’s cinema This building is on the site of an old cinema — with the unusual name of the New Bohemia.

The cinema was built in 1920. There had been a cinema called The Bohemia in Ballards Lane until 1914, hence the name New Bohemia. A curious name for a respectable suburban Finchley.

In 1928, it became part of the Gaumont chain and carried on as a cinema for 30 years until it was closed in 1959.

STOP 8: ST MARY’S CHURCH Cross the main road and take the road which runs off at an angle to the right called Hendon Lane.

Our next stop is just a little way on the right.

15th century church This is the church that gave its name to Church End before the area became better known as Finchley Central. It seems to be the only really old building round here, some of it dating from the 15th century, although altered in both the 19th and 20th centuries. It is really

worth a visit inside as it is beautiful and so atmospheric.

Mayor of Finchley Tucked away at the side is a seat for the Mayor of Finchley from 1933.

Perhaps a reminder of how different things used to be in local government.

I cannot imagine a church installing a special seat for the Mayor these days.

STOP 9: FINCHLEY GARDEN VILLAGE On leaving the church, turn right and then take the second right into Hendon Avenue and follow this round as it veers to the left.

Our next stop is way down the end of this road where you turn left into Village Road.

Frank Stratton This single street forms Finchley Garden Village, a lovely garden suburb built between 1909 and 1914.

It was designed by a man called Frank Stratton. The landmark war memorial also commemorates Stratton.

walking N3

STOP 10: COLLEGE FARM Leave the suburb and the road becomes Cyprus Avenue.

Continue to its end, where it meets Hendon Lane. Turn right, cross over and take the first left into Cyprus Road. Then take the first right, Salisbury Avenue.

Go to the end and our next stop is ahead.

College Farm At first you will see the entrance, but as you now turn left along Fitzalan Road, you will see a large open space, with a fenced driveway. All this area belongs to College Farm. The farm itself is “being redesigned” but there is quite a lot of information about the shop,

which claims to be North London’s largest equestrian and pet store.

The farm was developed by Express Dairies in the 1880s and was called a “Model Dairy”. I wonder how it survived the encroaching suburban development.

STOP 11: HENLYS CORNER At the end of Fitzalan Road turn right. You can look back along the drive of the farm. Continue to the big road junction ahead of you.

There you will see a statue of a naked lady! n This walk is adapted from London Post Code Walks. Find out more at londonpostcodewalks.wordpress.com

The naked lady There is an interesting sculpture on the green to the right of Regents Park Road as you come to Henlys Corner.

This is called La Délivrance by Émile Guillaume and dates from 1920. The statue was created as a celebration of the First Battle of the Marne when the German army was stopped from capturing Paris in 1914.

In 1920, Guillaume exhibited the statue at the Paris Salon, where it was bought by newspaper magnate Lord Rothermere. Lord Rothermere presented the statue to the Urban District of Finchley. Finchley Council intended that this would serve as a war memorial and be placed at the main entrance of Victoria Park, which is just off Ballards Lane. Lord Rothermere did not like this and told the Council that they could only have the statue if it was placed at its present location. This was so that he might see it when driving to visit his mother, who lived in Totteridge!

Finchley Community 19

Housework happiness

W

hen families are cooped up in isolation, it’s harder to keep the home looking tidy.

Moreover, there’s more housework to do, especially in the kitchen (more meals to cook and clear up, more snacks, more dirty water glasses everywhere), and the living room area (where kids will spend more time).

The lockdown, however, creates a golden opportunity for families to learn how to do the housework together as a team. This means children can learn skills that will serve them for life, and parents can divide the housework in a more equal way between them.

However, like with many other skills, families may feel unsure about how to motivate their kids to help,

20 Finchley Community

without arguments or fights. Shiri Atsmon, the founder of Helpful Kids, tells Finchley Community Magazine about her rescue plan: ‘I suggest calling a special family meeting with one parent/carer leading the “‘agenda”, with the solutions being decided together as a family — no matter how young the kids are,’ says Shiri.

She adds that another point to stress is that women tend to take on more housework themselves (Eve Rodksy calls this the ‘she-fault’ in her book Fair Play) so it’s beneficial to set the expectations early on before tensions run high and everyone is still in a relatively good mood.

Below, Shiri explains a typical process that families will go through if they want to create a cleaning schedule which involves all family members.

© LIGHTFIELDSTUDIOS/ISTOCK

Shiri Atsmon gives an insight into how the lockdown creates a golden opportunity for families to learn how to do the housework together!

home life Talk with each of your children (one-on-one) • Tell them you came to them first because you respect their opinion and understand that they also have things to do • Go over the principles of your plan and discuss the options. Follow their advice if you can • Show them the instructions are all written down and that they have to follow these standards. Don’t go into too much detail at this stage • Ask how they would prefer to give feedback. Explain that like any skill you have standards. Do they prefer giving feedback right then and there or perhaps stick to the positive and discussing later when everyone is together?

• Show them how all the work is fair and equally distributed between siblings. Establish that no one is allowed to opt out of the cleaning sessions, for any reason, because it reduces morale and collaboration Most likely they won’t need convincing.

However, if they do, you could consider telling them plainly you cannot do this without them (it’s true!) and you are lucky to have them (even more true!).

If they ask what’s in it for them, you can explain the benefits of dusting, cleaning and hoovering to their physical health, and of tidying to their mental wellbeing.

Should your children be paid to help?

If you have a clear opinion on the matter then follow it. However, don’t 22 Finchley Community

“It’s amazing the difference music can make to put everyone in a good mood” assume your kids are expecting to be paid or are reluctant to help. If you are not 100% sure, and particularly if you have teenagers, why not ask them for their opinion? Explain your conflicting arguments and see what they have to say.

Family meeting • After you have spoken with your spouse and kids, have a short family meeting to announce the plan formally. Use it to motivate the troops and hand them a personal copy of the plan • Explain the benefits of keeping a tidy and clean home for your physical and emotional health • Make them feel good about working with you. ‘We’re stronger together’ • You can use my new video course to facilitate the discussion with your family: helpfulkids.kartra.com/page/ familycleaningschedule Working with your kids • Keep your demonstration short, sweet and clear • Work on the common areas together (parents and children) at the same time everyday • Add music. It’s amazing the

housework difference music can make to put everyone in a good mood. However, make the list with everyone’s choices rather than your own • Yield control — there isn’t one way to do any type of housework. You can teach them ‘your way’ and explain why it achieves good results, but once you’ve shown them, leave them to it • Don’t wear them out — think a sprint not a marathon • Stick to the amount of time you promised a job will take. You could use a timer and let them stop when it goes off, or even beforehand if they need a break. This helps to achieve longer-term cooperation • If there is fighting and unkindness announce that this kind of behaviour adds to cleaning time. Try not to be the judge but ask them to focus on the cleaning. Discuss deeper issues privately • Once the room is clean express how it benefits the family so they can see the bigger picture and feel appreciated. Compliment them with: ‘Thank you for wiping the

countertop, it’s so nice to have breakfast on a surface that’s clean and smells so lovely and fresh’, ‘This area is my favourite place to have my morning coffee’, ‘Thank you for clearing the sofa, it helps me start my day on the right side’, ‘Your room looks lovely, a really nice place to relax away from everything that’s going on outside’ • Let them hear you sing their praise to your spouse or to someone else over the phone. This will help them develop a strong self-esteem and add meaning to the cleaning Troubleshooting • Don’t wait for things to get out of control to solve them • If something isn’t working, call a family meeting and ask for your children’s opinion on how these issues can be solved • Caution: don’t let the cleaning become the only thing you communicate with your children over. They can easily feel that it’s the only thing you care about. n

Shiri Atsmon is a behaviour researcher, and as part of her career researched how families do their housework all over the world. Shiri decided to use her expertise in behaviour change to make housework a bit more interesting. She has been conducting workshops from her home in Church End for families who wish to teach their kids life skills.

She has three children, ages 16, 14 and 11. She says that she loves how active the Finchley community is, where one can always reach out to neighbours knowing they are there to help.

Facebook and Instagram: @helpfulkidz Finchley Community 23

Online

awareness Miriam Halahmy’s new book asks, ‘Just who are you talking to online?’

© PEDRO FERNANDES/ISTOCK

M

y most recent young adult (YA) novel, Always Here For You, (Zuntold Books), was launched in February 2020, at the Safer Internet Day, at The Archer Academy, East Finchley. My book asks, ‘Just who are you talking to online?’.

In these strange days of lockdown, our young people are turning more and more to social media to stay in touch with the outside world. But while we all enjoy social media, we have to keep safe online.

My book was inspired by news reports of two teens who were groomed online, met their groomers and sadly lost their lives.

One was a teenage girl, the same age as the main character in my book. The other teenager was a boy who met his groomer through computer gaming. I actually didn’t know that gamers could private message each other. This is a method used by some groomers

who prey on teenage boys online.

However, for my book, I chose to focus on a girl’s experience.

Always Here For You is about Holly, 14, left isolated and lonely now that her best friend Amy has moved away and Mum and Dad are out all the time, helping poor Gran. More and more, Holly finds herself home alone. There’s no-one to hang with at school anymore, and Holly feels she has reached rock bottom. Until she finds Jay, also 14.

He’s caring and funny and they have so much in common. They chat online for hours and half the night. Holly knows to be careful — they’ve had all the warnings in school. But as she rows with Mum and Dad, and Amy never messages back, Holly feels the only person who understands her is Jay. ‘I’m always here for you’, messages Jay, ‘Not your Mum and Dad or Amy.’ But is Jay all he seems? Is Holly in too deep? Should she agree to meet him face to face?

Finchley Community 25

author

Always Here For You ‘A heart-stopping portrayal.

Essential reading for teens and parent of teens — this book may well save lives.’

Angela Kiverstein, Jewish Chronicle

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Online safety There is a rising concern about online safety, especially as our young people might be using social media more haphazardly during lockdown.

This month, two mothers shared with me stories of their teenage daughters, both 13, meeting strangers online.

In the first instance, the mum said, ‘My daughter told me that she has finally started reading your book today and then she wrote me a letter asking if she could contact this boy on Snapchat she had met on some kind of app. She wanted to exchange photos on Snapchat “so I know it’s not 50-yearold man.” Anyway, she wrote in her letter that she didn’t want to go behind my back and wanted to check it out with me; she also said she wanted to check it out with me because of reading your book especially’. Apparently, reading my book had spooked the girl into speaking to her mother before connecting with a complete stranger over social media. The mother was very relieved!

The second mum told me her 13-year-old daughter had been groomed online. She felt that Always Here For You highlights this most prevalent problem and shows how important it is to get children to open up about it. Her daughter had felt ashamed she didn’t realise what was happening to her. In an excellent development, her school started to do sessions about online grooming.

The mother commented that it is very important to catch this problem before it even starts.

Online grooming I did a lot of research for my book. I approached Friern Barnet School to ask if I could have a focus group of Y8 girls to discuss how they used social media and how Holly might meet Jay. The girls made it clear it wouldn’t be over Facebook so I just wrote about messaging — it would be an app like Snapchat.

As I created chats between Holly and Jay, I shared them with my group and they said how well it worked for them; ‘That’s just how we do it.” They also made some great suggestions.

My husband works in child protection and he and his colleague, Steve Harris, gave me a great deal of information. Steve pointed out that if you are chatting all day and half the night on your phone, then in a few days you would feel as though you had known someone for months.

I met with someone from the NSPCC who confirmed that my book was on the right lines and made further suggestions, especially about

research sources. I read dozens of case studies and collected cuttings from newspapers.

Online grooming is a growing problem and one that we should all be rightly concerned about. Some young people meet their groomers the day after making contact.

I would like Always Here For You to show young people, teachers, librarians, parents and carers, how quickly someone can meet a stranger online, fall under their influence and become separated from family and friends.

The Internet is a great place — providing you stay in control.

That’s my Safer Internet message. n

Miriam Halahmy has lived in Golders Green with her husband and two children (now grown up) for 38 years.

Her children went to Barnet schools and she was a teacher in Barnet for 10 years.

She has been writing since childhood and in the past decade has published seven novels for children and teens as well as educational books.

Her novels are realistic fiction, focusing on issues that are important to young people today. Her first YA novel, Hidden (Troika Books) was longlisted for the CILIP Carnegie Medal and Sunday Times Children’s Book of the week. It has been adapted for the stage and toured successfully in autumn 2018. www.miriamhalahmy.com Finchley Community 27

abstract art

Spreading joy Sonya Elizabeth creates abstract floral artwork that is filled with colour and movement

A

fter studying fine art and travelling the globe working as a photographer, Sonya fell into the corporate world in her late 20s. It didn’t take too long before itchy feet got the better of her and she handed in her notice and moved to Arad, a small dusty town in the middle of the Israeli desert.

‘It was an amazing experience,’ Sonya reflects whilst gazing out over her charmingly overgrown but abundantly floral West Finchley garden. ‘A complete contrast to North London’. The experience of living in Israel inspired Sonya to create a series of photographic works: 20 Metres from The Merkaz Klitah and the award winning Yam Hamelach have both been exhibited internationally.

The move back to Finchley from Israel in 2008 was meant to be temporary but, in the way of a true whirlwind romance, Sonya met and fell in love with her now husband within a week of her return. Raising a family became Sonya’s top priority and she found a great community of parents around West Finchley.

She adds: ‘Without me even realising it, art and creativity took a backseat. I was so busy rushing around with my children that the first five years of parenthood were a bit of a blur.’

However, all that changed one rainy summer’s day in 2018.

While attempting to keep three small children amused, Sonya took out the paints out and picked up a paintbrush.

As soon as the first drops of colour hit the paper she realised what had Finchley Community 29

artist

been missing. ‘It was as if creativity had been building up inside me and in that moment, those first marks on the paper opened up an outpouring of self-contained colour, pattern and joy.’

Sonya started an Instagram account that day in order to document her daily paintings: @sonyaelizabethart and quickly gained followers. Interest in her work led her to launch www. sonyaelizabeth.co.uk in October 2018.

It was only when Sonya’s youngest child started nursery that she was really able to devote more time to her ever-growing art portfolio.

A typical day would consist of getting the kids out of the house to school and nursery, then rushing home for a precious two hours of painting before having to dash out again.

The extra time also gave Sonya a chance to develop her artworks further. Using her paintings as a starting point she combined her photography and imaging skills to create a range of cushions, silk scarves and greetings cards.

30 Finchley Community

“Making images that lift people’s spirits and bring joy are incredibly meaningful” Since the coronavirus lockdown, finding time to paint has become ever more of a challenge but she still manages to sneak the odd moment in whenever possible. ‘I have become very adept at whipping the paints out for 30 minutes here and there, while clearing away toys, home-schooling and preparing meals for a family of five.’

Sonya finds it difficult to introduce herself as an artist: ‘Being at art college during the mid-90s was tough when I just wanted to create beautiful images. My medium at the time was photography but decorative art was not highly regarded. I remember my tutor berating me for admitting that I wanted to make pretty pictures because he said that they were not meaningful. Now life experience tells me otherwise, I would love to go back and reassure my younger self that it is ok because making images that can lift people’s spirits and bring joy are incredibly meaningful.’

Sonya’s children and husband, however, have no problem proudly introducing Sonya as a ‘famous’ artist’!

Paying attention to her surroundings is incredibly important to Sonya. From the beautifully tended neighbourhood

abstract art

front gardens of West Finchley to the small weeds that spring up out of the cracks in the pavement, and in less confined days, the wonderful parks and walks of Finchley.

‘I love springtime. Maybe it is the colour, maybe it is the new green leaves after their absence during winter. Whatever the reason, on my daily walk, I take in the colours and remember small details. I think our days are enriched by stopping to notice the small things. Each one of my artworks is inspired by the colours, tones and beauty I see around me. I take the patterns and hues back to my kitchen studio and let the ideas flow out on to canvas and paper.’

Sonya’s impatient nature makes acrylic paint her perfect medium of choice. The paint dries quickly enough to enable the layers of colour to build up creating the original hues, unique patterns and effects that have become the defining feature of Sonya’s signature style. n

Sonya was due to take part in the East Finchley Festival and Arts Depot Spring Showcase for the second year running.

She was also set for a solo exhibition in May but unfortunately the coronavirus pandemic has meant that all these events have been cancelled.

In the meantime, she intends to continue creating new works and sharing insights into her creative process on Instagram.

Sonya Elizabeth Art: sonyaelizabeth.co.uk Finchley Community 31

S U RV I V I N G LO C K D OW N A N D B E YO N D !

In these challenging times, life has changed — not only for us, but for our children. Nicky Reynolds shares her ideas to make a positive out of a negative

32 Finchley Community

O

ur day-to-day routines have been totally turned upside down because of the lockdown.

Many parents are working from home; their children are also home from school or nursery. The situation is totally new for us all. So, how can we make things work for the whole family? Hopefully, I can help, just a little, by giving some tips and ideas to help keep children occupied and happy. But first, I think it would be useful to share some ‘principles’ to bear in mind when spending time with your children.

SOCIAL AND EMOTIONAL HEALTH IS PARAMOUNT Many children will be feeling anxious with the disruption to routine. They will also be missing their friends and families. and probably not happy about having to stay in. Many will have

picked up on articles on the news about coronavirus and be worried — possibly even about family or friends dying. It will help if you: • Make sure you give your child time to express these anxieties • Point out the positive aspects of lockdown, for example, that you have more time together as a family • Give lots of cuddles — young children find physical contact very soothing TRY TO KEEP SOME KIND OF ROUTINE The predictability of a routine is reassuring for young children.

This definitely does not mean that you should rigorously schedule activities for every minute of the day. Keep a basic structure such as breakfast, lunch, dinner, bedtime — and be flexible about what happens in between.

Finchley Community 33

inspiration PLAY IS LEARNING There is no such thing as ‘just playing’.

Einstein said: ‘Play is the highest form of research’. In fact, play allows children to practise new skills, put their own ideas into practice, and to explore and make sense of the world. Let them play!

IT’S OK FOR YOUR CHILD TO BE ‘BORED’!

Boredom often leads to creativity — it allows children’s minds to wander and daydream, searching for stimulation; they may well come up with their own ideas for things to do, paint or play.

Lockdown is a chance for us all to slow down, rather than have activities organised every moment of the day.

SCREEN TIME IS NOT ALL BAD Many parents will be feeling guilty about the increased ‘screen time’ their children are currently having. There is a perception that all screen time is equal, which is not the case. Some suggestions: • There are plenty of educational apps

and games. ICT skills will be vital for the future. Suggestions for apps which are free or inexpensive can be found at www.sitters.co.uk/blog/15-besteducational-apps-for-kids.aspx • Take virtual tours of museums, zoos and theme parks. See www.. goodhousekeeping.com/life/travel/ a31784720/best-virtual-tours/ It’s all about balance — parents balancing the need to work from home with looking after children, and children balancing active time with ‘quiet time’.

BE KIND TO YOURSELVES! Lockdown is also hard for parents.

You are your children’s rock and it’s so important that you take some time out for yourselves in order to stay strong for them — whether by having a bath (alone), a quiet cup of tea or a solitary walk. Don’t worry about housework too much — your children will remember the time you spent with them, not what a mess the house was in! n

Nicky Reynolds has been the manager of Essex Park Community Pre-School for almost 10 years. The Preschool is a real hub of community in Finchley, bringing together families from many different backgrounds who would probably never have met otherwise. Nicky and her team love seeing children grow, and really enjoy supporting them to develop and blossom in their time at the preschool. She also values being able to work with families, providing support to them too. Although often hard work, she finds it a fantastically fun job because there’s never a dull moment with 20 three-year-olds around. She is missing ‘her’ children SO much at the moment . . .

34 Finchley Community

surviving lockdown

ACT I V I T Y I D E AS Allow your child to take the lead, don’t focus on achieving an outcome; it’s just about the process, which is so important BUILD A DEN • Use blankets, tables, chairs and cushions to create a cosy space • Add imaginative-play toys, picnic things, teddies or dolls and dressing-up items; encourage your child to suggest what else is needed • Share a story together in the den • Don’t be in a hurry to clear this away — children love small spaces and you’ll be amazed at the number of different ways they use their den LOOK THROUGH FAMILY PHOTOS • Bring out photo albums — look at the pictures and talk about relationships (e.g. ‘Nanny is my Mummy’) and how people in your family have changed • Talk about things you did as a child — what is the same as or different from things children do now?

• Draw pictures of your family and make a family tree: either a standard diagram or an actual tree with branches —- it’s a great way to feel connected with family who you may not be seeing right now GO ON A SCAVENGER HUNT • Make a list of things to ‘spot’— use pictures for pre-readers and tick them off as you find each one. It can be done indoors or outdoors • Visit buggyandbuddy.com/30-freeprintable-scavenger-hunts-for-kids/

GET CREATIVE • Provide a selection of paper, pens and paints for writing and drawing • If you don’t have paint — there are many ways to make it. See: www. smartschoolhouse.com/diy-crafts/ make-homemade-paint • Raid your recycling bin: toilet rolls, cereal boxes, cardboard and shredded paper are all great materials to use for craft activity • Let your children use their imaginations — what they have made may not obviously be a ‘castle’ or a ‘rainbow’— but they will have had an idea, so speak to them about it, listen to their explanation, record their words and label their creation with them READY STEADY BAKE Children love to feel grown up and responsible — feeling that they can be helpful can really boost their selfesteem — baking is a great example of how to promote this. Choose simple recipes which they will be able to carry out (mostly) independently.

Don’t worry too much about what the finished product looks like!

ONLINE RESOURCES • Turn your house into a virtual zoo with Google’s 3D animals • Ideas for craft activities: www. thesprucecrafts.com/crafts-forpreschoolers-and-toddlers-1254268 n Finchley Community 35

well-being

Self-love The transformational power of loving yourself well Written by: Zuzana Taylor

Why am I talking about self-love?

Because that’s where love starts. It starts with loving yourself. You first!

Does it sound selfish?

It might, but if you cannot love yourself, how can you love others and everything around you? The way you treat yourself sets standards on how others treat you.

Self-love is unconditional Self-love is an ongoing, expanding, learning process — a self-love journey.

The more you learn and give, the more you get. As you learn to love yourself, you learn to love others, and you get love in return in all forms.

Watch and be aware While practising self-love, you become more confident and accepting of yourself and situations you find yourself in.

Spring is a time for new beginnings, and is a reminder of how beautiful change can be. Now is a great time to learn and practice self-love.

What is self-love to you?

Write down whatever pops into your mind first. There is no right or wrong — just simple observations of what you feel and need to know in this moment.

36 Finchley Community

20 self-love thoughts Choosing myself, recognising what is best for me 1

Learning to set boundaries and being able to say ‘NO’ 2

Speaking my truth, how I feel and what I am going through 3

Loving my body the way it is at this moment 4

Loving the way I choose to dress and look every day 5

Listening to my body’s needs; seeing the warning signals to help me avoid pain and discomfort 6

Supplying my body with nourishment that is balanced and healthy 7

Giving my body physically what it has been designed to do: move, be challenged to keep it strong, relax and stretch 8

Making time to do what I love and having guilt-free ME time 9

10

Learning from my falls and

self-love mistakes, and using them to learn, grow and move on Not comparing myself to others, as we are all on our own journey.

Learning to be self-motivated and self-inspired 11

Not blaming others for current problems; instead finding ways to heal those wounds and change my limiting beliefs 12

Feeding my brain and soul.

Spending quality time connecting with myself: reading, practising yoga, kindness, meditation, mindfulness, going for walks in nature . . .

17

Being aware that everything is energy. Where and how I spend my energy and how to gain energy 18

Trusting the journey I am taking and enjoy being in the NOW 19

Following my intuition, my internal gut feeling

Finally, loving and accepting myself for who I am

Adhering to my integrity; being who I truly am and going back to this in times when I feel lost

I have shared 20 things about self-love; there is always more to learn.

13

14

Allowing myself to dream BIG. All achievements start with a dream.

Identifying my dreams and desires, and making time to connect 15

Letting go of everything that no longer serves me, physically and mentally 16

20

Perhaps write your own?

It is an exciting and rewarding journey with many benefits. Start falling in love with YOU today!

What is the first thing you are going to do to love yourself even more?

Zuzana x Zuzana Taylor has lived in Finchley for 20 years, with her husband and two children. They love living in a tree-lined street, with open spaces and parks.

Their neighbours are friendly and there is a good community spirit. Zuzana is a self-employed, holistic transformational business coach. Her passion is to empower mothers to build successful businesses with clarity and confidence while living fulfilled lives. www.zuzanataylor.com Finchley Community 37

kindness

The

kindness of

others

‘It’s only when you pause for a moment, that you can begin to see clearly’

I

f someone had told me eight weeks ago that being in lockdown was most likely one of the best things that could have happened for our community, I would have thought how could that possibly be?

What I have noticed is that being in isolation has actually released the very best in so many of us.

We have all seen and heard the truly wonderful stories about the immensely kind and giving nature of people such as the NHS front-line heroes and Captain Tom. The simple truth is that when someone shows kindness, the ripple effect of that good energy touches so many.

38 Finchley Community

If lockdown had only lasted two weeks, this new way of connecting to each other and ourselves would have been forgotten. With this extended lockdown, there is now time for the positive outcomes to make their way into a long-term more fulfilling way of life for everyone.

And it is because of the kindness of others in the community that Finchley Community Magazine is here today and you are reading our very first issue – this is a proud moment for us!

We would love to hear your thoughts, if our articles have inspired you, and what you would like to see included in future issues. n

Lily, 9 yrs

Leo and Ariella, 6 yrs and 3 yrs

Creative club Finchley in springtime Ellaysha, 3 yrs

Misha, 9yrs

Anna, 6 yrs

Ella, 5 yrs

Rosa, 4 yrs

Rosa, 3 yrs

radio

Radio Heads-Up There’s a new and exciting initiative bursting on to the scene via your radio!

N

orthbound Radio is the brainchild of Sevan Brown, Cordell Fraser and Terry Smith.

A brand-new community station, with a stellar team covering a myriad of things you need to know about the leafy loveliness that is north London and beyond.

Though not exclusive to north London when it comes to guests and stories, the main drive is community and building awareness around what the locals would like to know, share and suggest.

Owing to the untimely lockdown to keep us all safe during unprecedented times, the due date for the station to go live had to be put back from mid-March to end of May 2020, all being well.

Currently, presenter Bex Salmon is broadcasting on Instagram live, Monday to Friday at 2.30pm. Bex chats to a host of interesting, creative, funny and wellknown people. From local champions, to actors, producers, charities, councillors, fitness experts and more —and even more to come!

Sunday mornings (bi-monthly) at 11am on Instagram will see an audience

Email: info@northlondonradio.co.uk Web: www.northboundradio.co.uk 40 Finchley Community

Bex Salmon

Sophie Medlin

with dietician Sophie Medlin; she is an expert in everything to do with food and nutrition, and a volunteer at The Nightingale Hospital, London. Sophie will be exploring the vastly diverse fooderies and eating habits of north London dwellers too, often with a guest on board.

For monthly mindfulness and calm, join yoginis Isabelle and Tam. Catch them on the last Friday of every month at 10.30am.

There’s a roster of new and talented DJ/presenters, all with superb handles on both current and underground music genres coming to the station as well as magazine programmes, live interviews, community interest and audience-driven shows that will make up this soon-to-be packed local gem.

There is much creativity, business acumen and secreted brilliance to be found in those living and working in north London. They are eager for you to discover them and share their stories.

Get in touch with the team if you have a story to tell, a suggestion to make or a talent to offer. n Twitter: LdnNorthbound Instagram: Northboundradioldn

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online music sessions Sharing precious time together

Amy Thatcher Monkey Music High Barnet, Mill Hill & Whetstone @monkeymusichighbarnet @monkeymusic_highbarnet @monkeymusicnews

www.monkeymusic.co.uk

“We did our first Monkey Music class online the other day and it’s fantastic!

My 10 month old daughter absolutely loved it. Well worth signing up for.”