Fearless Life Magazine: Love is...

Jan./Feb./Mar. 2022

Candid With

The Carrees THE RELATIONSHIP EXPERT

Eugene & Sylvia Koonce Terrance & Lucretia Hawthorne Jocquita Williams Denise King Eddie & Tiara Hedgepeth Malene Bautista Shanique’ Thomas

IMAGES BY LAJOY PHOTOGRAPHY FEARLESSLIFEMAGAZINE.COM

Love Is….

CONTENTS 03

Editor’s Note

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Entrepreneur Spotlight Get to know serial entrepreneur and life coach, Dr. Shunte’ Howze.

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Feeling Chef-ish?!

Plated Artistry by Chef Bamboo: Learn to make creamy tarragon white wine mussels.

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Mental Health 6 Small Efforts That Will Encourage Healthy Relationships

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Everyday Inspiration Family Matters shares the Importance of making time for family.

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Cover Story The Relationship Expert Pastor Calvin Roberson

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Money Matters Every Business Owner Needs a Team of Trusted Advisors.

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Candid With The Carrees A candid conversation with Isaac & Dietra Carrees on love, legacy, healthy friendships, and more.

17 Love Is…..

A collection of diverse perspectives on Love.

22 Living Luxe 10 Design Tips to Spice Up Your Bedroom 23 The Elements of Marriage Love is Worth It: dives into why marriage is worth the work and risk.

08 Cover Story The Relationship Expert: Marriage Ain’t For Punks

Pastor Calvin Roberson

IMAGE BY LAJOY PHOTOGRAPHY

24 She Is Fearless Meet Marcella Boothe: Survivor.

Advocate. Blogger.

25 Let’s Heal Daddy Broke It, The Father Fixed It: Allowing God to heal the brokenness of childhood trauma.

26 Intentional Men I Love You, Man! Discusses the importance of men expressing love.

27 Joy Resides Here Find your focus, happiness and joy with friends.

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Candid With The Carrees

A candid conversation with Isaac & Dietra Carrees on love, legacy, healthy friendships, and more.

Feeling Chef-ish?!

Plated Artistry by Chef Bamboo

PHOTOGRAPHY BY ALEX D. ROGERS

E T

DITOR’S NOTE

Teneshia D. Phillips

his issue is about love. I hope you connect with an article or story that meets you where you are and shows you how great life can be if you choose to love again. Maya Angelou once said, “Have enough courage to trust love one more time and always one more time.”

I am dedicating this issue to my Love, Antonio Phillips.

We have been together for over 20 years, and we have been married for 17 years!

Babe, thank you for being my greatest supporter in all that I do. Thank you for pushing me to go after my dreams. Thank you for loving the new parts of me I am discovering daily.

Thank you for loving me deeply and unconditionally. I love you, and I appreciate you.

Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength, while loving someone deeply gives you courage.

—Lao Tzu

I have had a lot of fun curating this issue simply because I love LOVE! In this issue, you will find an incredible interview with Pastor Calvin Roberson from Married at First Sight that Antonio and I co-hosted with James and Monica Miller. Of course, we discussed the show (if you did not know, I am a fan!), but we also talked about his new book, Marriage Ain’t For Punk, and so much more.

We also conducted a phenomenal interview with gospel singer Isaac Carree and his amazing wife Dietra Carree, where they shared their wisdom and perspective on

several topics. Check out this candid conversation on love, legacy, healthy friendships, and almost everything in between.

We have a special collection of statements regarding Love Is from a variety of individuals that have experienced love in a real, powerful, and significant way. We hope that you find something within one of the stories that will resonate with you and encourage you to be open to love.

We have debut articles from two new writers, Venus Ethridge and Tanesha Sands.

Venus shares the importance of family time in a powerful premiere article. Tanesha, a Blogger, shares her journey to finding freedom, community, and love in her friendships.

You will not want to miss our articles on the 6 Small Efforts That Will Encourage Healthy Relationships, Every Business Owner Needs a Team of Trusted Advisors, 10 Design Tips to Spice Up Your Bedroom and I Love You, Man! I pray that you see that God is love in this issue, and we can’t love properly without him. Don’t believe me? Read 1 John 4:16.

As Always Be Fearless, Teneshia D. Phillips Editor in Chief

Connect With Me @tpmgmtgroup

@tpmgmtgroup

www.tpmgmtgroup.com Jan./Feb./Mar. EDITION 2022

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Entrepreneur Spotlight Meet

Dr. Shunte Howze

Photo Credit: Kelley Raye of Kelley Raye Photography

Business Consultant & Life Coach Dr. Howze, Thank you for taking the time to speak to our readers. First of all, how are you?

I’m doing well! Just staying focused and learning how to just be in the moment! It’s freedom and it feels wonderful.

Would you please tell our readers about your journey into entrepreneurship?

My journey to entrepreneurship was just that, a journey...lol! You know how you hear God and you know it’s God, but then question if that was really Him because you’re looking at your flaws, lack of this/that, your finances, and then just the idea of this “BIG” thing, well that’s how it all began for me in 2008 with my first business.

I was comfortable at my job. I had just had my first daughter in January, money was good and life was good. Then by June, the company I was working for closed. I heard God say, so now are you going to trust me or are you going to continue to rely on a job. I went from making really good money to $400/month. At that time, I heard God say, I am the source! Everything that you need to start this business you have, from the knowledge to the relationships to the in-depth experience. I began with a $1 box of envelopes from Dollar Tree and about 24 flyers to mail out to different companies.

God showed me how to go to the state’s website, look for agencies with deficiencies in specific areas, and create a marketing letter from that information. That’s all I had to sacrifice. Let me say, I didn’t go to school for business management or marketing. All that I am in business and am becoming is through watching other CEOs, research, and the greatest part has been hearing the voice of the Lord give me direction. I mailed out those letters and got a call/ email from over half of them requesting my services. I said okay, God, it’s you and me! Show me how to make this work and He did.

I began SGH Consulting and Supportive Services in 2008. I have since helped establish and grow multi-million dollar businesses with my consulting firm. I have obtained and maintained state contracts. I’m currently working to procure a federal contract for my company. I am the founder/executive director of Genesis Outreach, Inc (non-profit) and I’m a certified Life Coach of Purposed-Life Coaching Services. All of this couldn’t have come without the wins and losses (lessons)! It came with sacrifices of my time with my family, friends, and myself. It came with profits and losses to the point where I couldn’t pay myself because I had to make sure that I always paid my staff. There were times that due to invoices not clearing yet, I had to take my own personal money from my household to make sure that my staff was paid, while making payment arrangements on my own bills. The question becomes, what are you willing to sacrifice now to get to your bigger picture? To live your Purposed Life?

What inspired you to establish Purposed Life Coaching Services, LLC? I’ve done mostly everything social service/human service over my 22 professional years, and I was sitting down one day just trying to figure out what I really wanted to be when I grow up some more... lol. So, God and I were just having a conversation and I said I love talking, as you can tell, and I love helping people. I don’t want to go back to school because I am schooled out. Lord, what can I do?

God said life coaching. I said what exactly is that and how long is that going to take because I’m not going back to anyone’s school for years. I researched it and said this is what I am called to do.

In June 2019, God gave me Purposed-Life Coaching. I know that I was called to coach single parents, single women, people trying to figure out their purpose and next steps in life. Why Purposed-Life?

Because our life is already pre-destined. The Bible says “In Jeremiah 1:5, “the word of the Lord” came to the prophet Jeremiah, who was a young man at the time. God said to him: “Before I formed you in

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the womb, I knew you, and before you were born I consecrated you; I appointed you a prophet to the nations”. God showed me the butterfly but then he showed me the monarch. He then showed me the monarch to the butterfly and said, trust the process. Your purpose is created from within. It’s already inside of you. You just have to go through the process and trust it to find out what was already there. So that’s why my purpose has a “d”. It was already there, and I just had to trust the process!!

What do you love most about the work that you do?

I love that I can use my journey and things that I’ve gone through and overcome to help someone else. I don’t consider it work because I love talking and sharing information with people. This is my ministry and I’ve been given the opportunity to help people transition from brokenness to wholeness.

You recently turned 40 and Fabulous (Happy Birthday!!). Please tell us how your faith has been tested and grown stronger throughout your life.

I heard someone say, “If you want to make God laugh, tell Him your plans”. See, I have always been a visionary. Dreaming big dreams, seeing myself on platforms and stages all over the world. I saw myself as a multi-millionaire with the husband and kids and the nice house. I’ll take you back a little. When I got married in 2001, graduated undergrad in 2004 with my first degree, bought the house, got a good job making good money, driving a nice car, had the beautiful baby girl, that life was just peachy! Then, life happened; the company I worked for closed in 2008, I went through a separation in 2013 while pregnant with my 2nd baby girl, and my contracted position was ending in May of that same year. But God stepped in and reminded me that I had been through other things in life and that He never left me hanging and never left me down. Whenever I went through a challenge, I always came back stronger and better. But, during this particular year, I felt my back was against the wall, not knowing what I would do as a single mother with my 5-year-old daughter and my other daughter to be born in July. Now, remember I started my first business in 2008, but I was still working part-time jobs to supplement income as needed. I had been doing consulting here and there. Some clients had money to pay for my services, while others left me high and dry. All I could do was pray and trust God like never before. I just knew that going back to work for anyone wasn’t an option with two little ones. God showed up and He showed out in 2013. Not only did He bless me with 2nd beautiful baby girl, Zion, who also was born on July 4th, but He also allowed many of those clients that didn’t have their money for my services from the years before to call me and tell

me that they had their money and were ready to move forward. I went from “I don’t know” to my overflow. God not only blessed me financially but He blessed people around us to bless us so well that my girls didn’t need anything. We had so many shoes and clothes in the attic for years that they had to grow into them. I’m saying God opened the windows of heaven and poured us out blessings that we had not room enough to receive to where I was able to bless others and I’m still able to do so to this day. I didn’t lose anything but gained so much...

I’m not just talking material things, I am talking about my peace of mind, a stronger relationship with God, a greater awareness of who I am as a woman of God, my mind is renewed, and the true essence of love that only God can give! I was broken but God healed me and not only did He heal me, but He also made me a Whole Woman! So, this 40th year birthday for me signified me stepping into the Promised Land!

My seasons will be just like this and they won’t change. My 40 acres and a mule...lol. This is my year of planting seeds back into the grounds that helped me to BEcome who I am today. So, I decided that I am going back to all of my schools from elementary to grad school and sow back into the schools so that little girl and little boy of color will know that “if Dr. Shunte’ Howze did it, I could do it too”. See that little girl, Shunte’, dreamed a dream, with God’s direction, she developed a plan, and with God’s blessings, she BeCame and is BeComing all that she visualized and believed that she would be and more!

Finish this sentence. Being fearless is....

Being free! Free to be me in all that God has called me to be, walking authentically and intentionally in my purpose and on purpose!

How can everyone keep in contact with you on social media? https://www.facebook.com/Purposed4Life https://www.instagram.com/ purposedlifecoaching/ https://www.linkedin.com/in/shuntehowze

Feeling Chef-ish?!

Pho to Co u yo es rt

f Ch

ef Bamboo

Meet This Issue’s Featured Chef

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harleston, SC, native Anthony Rivers, professionally known as Chef Bamboo, has perfected the craft of curated meal experiences. Chef Bamboo studied at the worldrenowned Le Cordon Bleu. Chef Bamboo is Atlanta-based, but he is a traveling chef as well. He founded a private chef service business, Plated Artistry, in 2019. When asked for a specialty, Chef Bamboo shares that he loves to prepare all types of dishes but enjoys creating dishes with Duck and Lamb.

Directions

Creamy Tarragon White Wine Mussels Ingredients 2-3 lbs fresh cleaned mussels 6 Tbsp unsalted butter ½ small diced red onion & shallots 2 thin sliced garlic ½ thinly sliced fennel 1 ½ cup Prosecco wine 3 sprigs tarragon 2 cups heavy whipping cream 2 Tbsp chopped chives and parsley (Optional baguette or curly fries for serving)

1. Place them in a large bowl of cold water, allowing any grit or sand to sink to the bottom. Allow mussels to soak for 10-15 minutes before discarding water.

Then, gently run under cool water while discarding any grit.

2. After cleaning, set aside in fresh cool water and throw away any cracked mussels that don’t close after tap.

3. Next, on low heat, let’s sauté or sweat out our shallots and red onions for about 1 minute, then toss a fresh sprig of tarragon in to take it to another level. (I just gave you a Chef Bamboo secret) 4. Pop-open your favorite white wine; for this dish, my go-to would be a light-bodied Prosecco. Pour a glass of wine, set it next to the stove, and apply the 1 ¼c to the pan. The rich, crisp honeysuckle and pear taste brings this vibrant dish alive.

5. Now, you may get a little flame action or flambé due to the heat burning out the alcohol. This is perfectly normal. (Fellas, your lady will be under the impression that you know what you’re doing).

6. Once the magic trick is over, apply the heavy cream.

Bring to a steady boil for about 3 minutes and dump cleaned mussels in a pan. Give a quick stir and cover this beautiful smelling pan.

7. While the mussels cook for about 4 to 6 minutes, enjoy a few sips from your glass previously poured.

Remove from heat after 6 minutes and uncover the top. Garnish with chopped parsley or chives and serve immediately.

8. This highly aromatic dish can be prepared on a lazy weekend or on a romantic night where flowers and candles are involved (hint, hint).

Jan./Feb./Mar. EDITION 2022

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6 Small Efforts

Photography Credit: A. Howard Photography LLC

That Will Encourage Healthy Relationships As we enter February, the month of “love,” let us pause and look at healthy relationships. For most of us, defining relationships will differ based on our experiences, history, and teachings of what a relationship should look like.

A healthy relationship can be defined in different ways since those two words encompass so many different situations and people. So, let’s break it down. A relationship defined by Webster’s dictionary is the state of being related or connected, the state of interaction between two or more people, groups, or countries. The word health means the condition of being free from illness or disease. So, if we put the two definitions together, a healthy relationship is a connection between two or more people free from disease or illness.

While that may have been simple to define, it is not always easy to gauge whether a relationship is healthy, nor is it easy to ensure that it remains healthy once it begins.

Some people feel they are better off without relationships, but the truth is that at some point in our lives, we have all had a connection or interaction with others. Although people would like to say they need no one in their lives, the truth is we all need some human interaction, whether in continuous engagement or daily passing. If we look through several chapters in the Bible, we will see that even Jesus had relationships, some healthy and, unfortunately, some unhealthy. If we are created in his image, then not only can we assume that we will have relationships, but that they will not all be healthy, which is something we must be able to recognize.

The quality of our relationship can impact our mental health in many ways.

The relationships that are “toxic,” full of negativity, lacking trust, respect, care, boundaries, and but not limited to communication, can lead to stress, loneliness, isolation, low self-esteem, or depression.

Poor-quality relationships can be worse for our mental health than being alone. Research shows that people in negative relationships experience significantly worse outcomes than those who have no relationships or choose to isolate themselves (2).

Relationships that are enjoyable and respectful provide opportunities for positive experiences that affect self-esteem. “Being in a stable relationship is linked to both physical and mental health benefits, including lower morbidity and mortality (1)”.

Developing healthy relationships is crucial to our mental and physical health. Healthy relationships encourage respect, security, consistency, trust, care, communication, and boundaries.

Understanding and identifying the characteristics of a healthy versus unhealthy relationship is essential to our overall health.

The following are efforts that you can put in place to encourage healthy relationships in your life:

Estrella Rogers LCSW, RPT-S CCC

Relationships that are enjoyable and respectful provide opportunities for positive experiences that affect self-esteem. “Being in a stable relationship is linked to both physical and mental health benefits, including lower morbidity and mortality (1)”. events, being present in the moment, and showing the other person they are a priority.

Learn The Other Person Remembering the importance of knowing who you are in a relationship with is very important. So often, we put our expectations on others without finding out who they are as a person. For example, if you are a parent, do you take time to sit and listen to what your child wants, what makes them laugh, and learn their likes and dislikes? The same will go for any relationship, whether intimate or business.

Communicating Your Needs and Boundaries In relationships, we often become timid when sharing our needs and wants. However, if you wish to have the other person understand your needs, you must learn how to communicate them.

Listen Be open to hearing what the other person wants and needs in your relationship. Hear them without judgment or opinions.

Trust, Honesty, and Security These three may be self-explanatory, but it is essential for a person to feel safe in a relationship, whether it’s privacy or knowing that they will not be betrayed or lied to; these are all important to ensure safety in a relationship.

Respect Remember the individual you are in a relationship with deserves to be uplifted and treated with value and worth.

Seek counseling if needed. Every situation is different, and although I’m providing an overall general view of a healthy relationship, the truth is there are so many layers to our situations. If you feel you are in an unhealthy relationship and realize it affects your mental health, please seek help and begin the journey of self-love, confidence, and learning the value and implementation of a healthy relationship.

“Healthy Relationships.” Student Health and Development. 2007. mentalhealth.org Relationships in the 21st century: the forgotten foundation of mental health and wellbeing Relationships in the 21st century: the forgotten foundation of mental health and wellbeing https://www.edu.gov.mb.ca/k12/cur/physhlth/frame_found_gr12/rm/module_e_lesson_1.pdf 1

Be Present Whether you are a parent, spouse, or friend, your presence is important in the relationship. Putting your phone down, going to

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2

FAMILY MATTERS Venus Ethridge is a graduate of Florida Agricultural and Mechanical University in Tallahassee, Florida. She also holds a Master’s Degree in Business and Public Administration and is lastly a Certified Life Coach specializing in marriage, family, relationships, personal and professional coaching.

There are so many issues families face on a daily basis. I wanted to start this article out with a poem.

Take time to work; It is the price of success.

Take time to think; It is the source of power.

Take time to play; It is the secret of perpetual youth.

Take time to read; It is the fountain of wisdom.

Take time to be friendly; It is the road to happiness.

Take time to dream; It is hitching your wagon to a star.

Take time to love and be loved; It is the privilege of the Gods.

Take time to look around; It is too short a day to be selfish.

Take time to laugh; it is music to the soul.

-Anonymous

I

n today’s family dynamics, we fail to take time. Family structure has evolved to be highly multifaceted, encompassed with the pressures of the current economy and the downward spiral of work-life balance. The average family operates in robot mode, consistently doing the same repetitive cycle daily. While most families do not view this as an actual problem, the impact of this continuous cycle on your family dynamics is extremely damaging.

We begin to forget to tell each other “I Love You”, the intimacy deteriorates between family members, and there is a sense of emptiness that occurs, which affects each of your loved ones inversely. When we fail to take time to play, laugh, smile and communicate with one another, we miss out on the love…we miss out on the memories. We will eventually look back at the missed opportunities and realize it is too late to get those moments back.

Ask yourself, when was the last time I left work early and surprised my wife with an impromptu lunch date? When was the last time I gave my kids a hug and a kiss for no reason, looked them in their eyes, and said, I love you? When was the last time you packed the family up on a Saturday morning for a countryside drive or a trip to the beach? When was the last time my family and I sat at the dining room table instead of in front of the television- to eat dinner and talk about what was going on in their life?

These are the important things we fail to hold value to; these are the things that fall by the wayside; these are the actions that are so very necessary in today’s families. We must remember to cherish the simple things, celebrate the big things, love each other and support each other because, after all….. YOUR FAMILY MATTERS. Jan./Feb./Mar. EDITION 2022

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THE RELATIONSHIP EXPERT

Calvin

Roberson MARRIAGE AIN’T FOR PUNKS

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earless Life Magazine founders Antonio and Teneshia Phillips team up with contributing writers and marriage advocates James and Monica Miller for this candid, fun, enlightening, and freeing interview with Pastor Calvin Roberson.

Pastor Cal is a relationship expert, speaker, author, progressive pastor and TV personality, most recently known for his Married at First Sight role. Pastor Cal has been helping build and restore relationships for 20+ years. He is true to it, not new to it. Read on to learn more about his new book, ‘Marriage Ain’t For Punks’, his belief in Married at First Sight, his perspective on love, relationships, and more.

IMAGE BY LAJOY PHOTOGRAHY

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Teneshia Phillips: We’ve been following you, of course, as an expert on Married at First Sight, but also, we follow your page on Instagram, @marriageaintforpunks. So, how did you and Mrs. Wendy start the organization ‘Marriage Ain’t For Punks?’

Pastor Cal: Actually, ‘Marriage Ain’t For Punks’, we’ve been around for 13 years. I think. We started that under a different name back then, my wife and I. It was ‘Married and Naked’, emotionally naked. Well, the other naked too, if you’re married. But anyway, we started doing marriage conferences, so we were doing conferences all around the country.

The first conference was in Ohio, and then we did some in Texas, Georgia, and the Bahamas. So, we were all over the place doing marriage conferences. And then we found that ‘Married and Naked’ actually was copywritten or trademarked by someone else, where it wasn’t emotional nakedness.

So, they were selling something that we didn’t want to be a part of.

So, we changed it to ‘Marriage Ain’t For Punks.’ One day, we were sitting down and thinking, “Marriage, this thing ain’t for punks.” And I said it on the show years ago. It was in the first season I was in; season four. I told Nick was his name. Sonya and Nick. I told Nick. I said, “Man, look, marriage ain’t for punks. This is for grownups.” And I think, boom, it just caught and just went on from there. So, we decided to name our conferences, ‘Marriage Ain’t For Punks’ since that time.

Teneshia Phillips: Marriage ain’t for punks! So, Antonio and I are reading your book. What takeaway do you want the readers to grasp other than marriage ain’t for punks?

Pastor Cal: Well, the one thing that I hope people get from it is, first of all, that I want people to manage their expectations. Set high ones,

but manage them. And understand that… We all know, everybody who is married, you all know marriage takes a lot of effort, et cetera. But I also think that when we realize that the people we’re married to are just as fearful as we are just as vulnerable as we are, your spouse’s feelings are hurt just as much as you, male and female. Somebody has a ridiculous notion that men’s feelings don’t get hurt or that men are not sensitive.

That’s all BS because…, And so, I hope that people get from this that regular, normal, ordinary people can have extraordinary marriages, but it takes extraordinary effort to do it. And that through communication and vulnerability and creating your own norm, whatever that is.

When I look at Wendy and me, our marriage and the way we do things may not be how you guys do it or how the other couple here does it, but it’s our norm and it works for us.

So, I want people to do that within the bounds of their morality and belief system. You have to find your own norm in marriage.

Monica Miller: So, in your book, you stated that marriage doesn’t work, people work. Can you expound a little bit on that?

Pastor Cal: Oh gosh, yes. Marriage is simply an institution. It’s simply a contract. It’s a moral contract.

It’s a legal contract. Marriage is simply the thing that we entered into. It’s almost like getting in your car and just sitting there and wondering why you haven’t gotten to work yet. People always say, “My marriage is failing.” No, your marriage ain’t failing; you’re failing. There is nothing wrong with the institution of marriage. People have this thing about, “Well, I don’t want to get married.” No, there’s nothing wrong with the marriage.

There’s something wrong with the people. What happens is that we idealize our marriage as to what we

think it ought to be… the bunny, rabbits and Skittles, and all that stuff. We idealize what we think it ought to be.

When in essence, marriage is simply two people coming together, making a legal and moral agreement that we’re going to support one another and accomplish goals that benefit not only us but our entire family. That is it. Now how you get to that goal is completely up to you guys. How you do it is entirely up to you. But the fact that marriage doesn’t work, people work. What I’m trying to say here is that if you put forth great effort, you are going to have great results and hence a great marriage. If you put forth little effort and expect the other person to do things that you’re not doing, you’re going to have little results and, therefore, a bad marriage. So, marriages can be whatever you want them to be.

Teneshia Phillips: Switching gears a bit. Do you all expect the couples to make it? Sometimes as I’m watching, I feel like you guys over the last couple of seasons have done the opposites attract, and I’m looking at it like, “Oh my God.” Pastor Cal: You know, it’s funny because…. I’ll be honest with you because every time we match a couple, and we’ve been accused of doing things for drama and all this.

And that annoys me because I’m not going to do this for drama. When I started doing this back in 2015, I think it was when I had my first season; I told them, “Look, I’m only going to do this if it’s real. I am an actual pastor. I don’t just play one on TV. I am one. And I actually counsel couples. And I’m not going to play around with it. “Let’s put these people together. I know this will be a lot of fire.” No! Do we know that every couple is going to work? We sincerely hope. And let me take you a little bit through the process.

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I tell my wife now, “I appreciate you. What appreciation means is that she has increased in value.

Something that appreciates, whether it’s a watch or a car or a fine piece of jewelry or whatever, or a stock, it increases in value. The longer you have it, the more demand there is. The more you go through, the more people want it, the more valuable it is. And that’s how it is in marriage; because of what we’ve gone through over these years of being married, because of what we’ve gone through, because of what we’ve experienced.

So, she’s worth more to me now, she’s more valuable to me now than she was when we were first married. So, she has appreciated in my view.”

PHOTOGRAPHY BY MARIE THOMAS

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By the time we choose couples to be married, we’ve vetted them for three months or so. Okay? We’ve gone through background checks.

We have gone through psychological evaluations. They have two rounds of background checks, two rounds of psychological evaluations where they’ve sat in front of real psychiatrists who dig into this stuff.

We do social media evaluations. We do health screenings. And then even to get on the show, you’ve got to answer a 75-question questionnaire, and then after you get on the show, you’ve got to answer a 500-question questionnaire.

James Miller: Did you feel that it was going to work? Did you honestly, when you first started?

on the show, what are some of the specific things that couples can’t get past in marriage?

Pastor Cal: There are a couple of things. One is they find it very difficult to embrace change. I try to tell couples that as you are growing, you change. I think you guys said that you’ve been together for 18 years.

new things about you. And then it’s almost like growing to a different level of love every day because I’m finding out new things. There are things that I liked when we first got married that I don’t like anymore.

But that’s something that we have to embrace now and understand that, “Hey look, we’re changing.”

The Millers: Yes.

I tell people, (look at) couples who’ve been married for 50, 60 years, and they’re still tapping each other on the butt and all of that. And you’re like “Eew” It’s more than just the physical. They’ve learned to embrace change. And they realize, “Hey, I love who’s inside all that wrinkly skin.

Pastor Cal: And Antonio, you guys have been together for 16?

Antonio Phillips: 16 years.

Pastor Cal: 16 years. Are you the same people you were when you were married?

Teneshia Phillips: Absolutely not.

Pastor Cal: I believed it. When I talked to Chris Coelen, who is the CEO of the production company, Chris at that time, he said, “Look, I’ve been married for 13 years. I believe in marriage. And this is not Housewives. This is not that kind of thing.” And we talked about it.

And then they asked me to join the show. So, when that happened, and he convinced me that they were really focused on marriage and not just for us, the experts, but also the production and everyone from camerapersons to producers, to PA’s, you name it. Everybody is rooting for the couples to be successful. People are just as excited behind the scenes when they succeed and just as depressed when they fail.

Teneshia Phillips: I think we saw that with Chris and Paige because there were so many times that the producers would step in and have to say something. And it’s like the whole world is trying to help them out.

Pastor Cal: They try, man. I give them props. They try.

Monica Miller: So, with the couples that you’ve counseled, and I’m sure there are many other’s than the ones

Pastor Cal: No, you’re not. And I think that it’s kind of funny because one of the toughest things that I’ve seen people deal with is how to embrace differences and how to embrace the fact that your spouse is not the same person as when you were first married. Your spouse will not be the same person as when you were first married. It’s just not going to happen. Every event you have in life, every experience you have in life, whether it’s a death, a birth, losing a job, getting a new job, losing a house, getting a house, anything, a sickness, everything changes you.

And I think couples have a habit where they start saying, “Well, we’ve grown apart.” No, no, no, no, no. You didn’t embrace the change that’s happening. And I think the beauty in marriage is that you’re different with every day that goes by. My wife is not the woman that I married. She’s just not the woman I met, and I was looking at her. I was like a creeper, just looking at her (laughing). She’s not that same woman. Physically, I think she’s more beautiful, but she’s not that same woman. And I’m sure not the same guy. But the beauty in marriage is learning how you’ve changed and then discovering the

Teneshia Phillips: I love it. I love it.

In the past, I would tell Antonio, “I’m good” or “I’m okay” because I hadn’t embraced how I was changing. I feel like I lost myself along the way, so I couldn’t articulate to him how I was feeling or what was going on within me because I hadn’t tapped into it either. But then, I started going to therapy, which has helped me become a lot more vocal and in tune with myself and my feelings and my needs and wants. And so, it makes me able to better communicate those things to him now.

Pastor Cal: That’s awesome. That’s brilliant. And communication is it, man. It’s key, and I talk about it in the book; the difference between talking to, talking at, and talking with. And I think just learning how to communicate with your partner, realizing that look, when I tell my wife now, “I appreciate you.”

What appreciation means is that she has increased in value. Something that appreciates, whether it’s a watch or a car or a fine piece of jewelry or whatever, or a stock, it increases in value. The longer you have it, the more demand there is.

The more you go through, the more people want it, the more valuable it is. And that’s how it is in marriage; because of what we’ve gone through over these years of being married, Jan./Feb./Mar. EDITION 2022

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because of what we’ve gone through, because of what we’ve experienced. So, she’s worth more to me now, she’s more valuable to me now than she was when we were first married. So, she has appreciated in my view.

Teneshia Phillips: Paster Cal, I love the representation of having you as a black man, as a pastor on the show. It makes me incredibly proud when I see you come on the screen.

The other thing that I really love is the representation of your faith. Not just on the show, but on Instagram and in real life, you live life. And I think as Christians, sometimes our walk looks boring, and I appreciate that you live and put it out there for other people to see that it’s okay to dance. It’s okay to have fun and to enjoy life, to laugh.

Because growing up, that was one of my struggles. “I don’t want to be one of those weird people.” It was hard for me to say ‘yes’, because I’m like, “What does it look like?”

Because if it looks like this, I don’t want to do it.

Pastor Cal: I’m a firm believer that… A lot of times, when I meet atheists, and they say, “Well, I don’t believe in God.” I have to think about that. I believe atheists don’t believe in the God they have been shown. It’s like, “Oh, you believe in God. And this is how you are. Well, I don’t want to believe that. I don’t want anything to do with that.” So, I often think it’s like, I cannot believe there’s a God who lives through a person like you. Do you know what I mean? So, if we can present to them something different, my wife and I can go to get our salsa on, or I’m still trying to teach her the running man, or if we want to go out and have a few drinks with dinner. Look, Jesus turned water into wine.

Hey, look, I’m not even going to play. I’m not even playing.

I’m not that pastor. I’m not. I’m not that pastor.

Monica Miller: Well, let me tell you, we, I appreciate that because growing up in the South, we’ve seen it all. You can’t do this. It’s a whole list of things you can’t do. And so, when you grow up, just like Teneshia said, “I don’t want to do that. I don’t want to be that.” But then you learn, teach yourself, expose yourself to different things, and you know, having a pastor like you, we appreciate that because when we see it… I can show my Mama, “See, look, Pastor Cal. Look what he does.”

Pastor Cal: Legit. I actually am ordained. I have degrees in theology.

Teneshia Phillips: So, I just wanted to say that before we close, I appreciate that because it is freeing. I struggled for a long time with religion and having a religious mindset.

So, it has been freeing. It has helped me on my journey to know God for myself, and I love it.

Pastor Cal: God bless you guys. Thank you so much.

Teneshia Phillips: Thank you, Pastor Calvin.

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IMAGE BY LAJOY PHOTOGRAHY

If you put forth great effort, you are going to have great results and hence a great marriage. If you put forth little effort and expect the other person to do things that you’re not doing, you’re going to have little results and, therefore, a bad marriage. So, marriages can be whatever you want them to be.”

Every Business Owner Needs a Team of Trusted Advisors Marcus Gold, MBA

I

f you’re a business owner, you are used to wearing a lot of hats. Still, you can’t be an expert at everything, which is why it’s important to build a network of trusted professionals that you can turn to for help whenever the need arises.

No matter how successful you are, there are plenty of reasons to establish a professional network. In addition to exchanging contacts and referrals, there’s also the opportunity to share ideas and receive free advice from specialists in their field.

And, much like getting a second opinion on a medical procedure, your network can act as a system of checks and balances by making sure you weigh all your options.

Ask yourself: Whom should you invite to be part of your network? While the members may vary depending on your strengths and weaknesses, your team should probably include some—or all—of the following professionals: Attorney: Unless you have an in-house counsel or a legal background yourself, an attorney—especially one with some experience in your industry—is almost a necessity. Among other things, an attorney can help defend you and your company from potential lawsuits, review contracts, and help with succession planning.

Accountant: While most people only use their accountant during tax season, business owners will find that an ongoing relationship can save them money in the long run. Not only can an accountant keep you from running afoul of the IRS, but they can also show you how to structure your business and become a more tax-efficient operation.

Banker/Financier: As we all know, cash flow is the lifeblood of any business. And in today’s restrictive lending environment, having a banker in your corner can be a real boon. By providing easy access to credit or letting you hear about the most favorable rates, a banker can be an invaluable addition to your team.

Insurance agent: A professional insurance agent can help you prepare for a number of critical business issues. Specifically, an insurance agent can help your business overcome the loss of a key employee, enhance your executive benefits package, fund a buy-sell agreement, and protect your family’s future by insuring your business interests.

As you can see, there are a host of advantages to creating a network of professionals with expertise in their field. Best of all, it’s a win-win for all parties, so setting one up may be easier than you think.

This educational, third-party article is provided as a courtesy by Marcus Gold, MBA Financial Services Professional New York Life Insurance Company.

To learn more about the information or topics discussed, please contact Marcus Gold at 910.320.2793, MGold01@ft.nyl or visit www.marcusgoldnyl.com *Neither New York Life Insurance Company, nor its agents, provides tax, legal, or accounting advice. Please consult your own tax, legal, or accounting professional before making any decisions.

Jan./Feb./Mar. EDITION 2022

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Candid with

The Carrees PHOTOGRAPHY BY ALEX D. ROGERS

Recently, Antonio and I sat down and spoke with Isaac and Dietra Carree. According to their IG Bio’s, Isaac is an award-winning singer, songwriter, producer, author, and actor. His wife, Dietra, is a Jesus-loving dance mom, VA girl, and a proud AKA. Antonio and I will say this; they are an amazingly authentic, honest, and fun couple who inspire us. We hope you all can learn from their candid perspective on the topics we discussed during our conversation.

Love Is. Dietra: Love is patient. Love is about compromising. Love is a choice also. Those are the things that come to my mind first.

And just marriage in general, anybody can go downtown and get married, but what about the endurance and just choosing to continue to live out life with a person when you don’t feel like, or you’re like, I have the right to go right now. I have the right not to stay, but I want to see what tomorrow can bring or if things can change. It’s just a willingness to do it. So, I would say love is patient.

Isaac: Yes, it is. It would be a level of compromise if I added anything to that. You have to be willing to compromise. It can’t just be what you want, how you want it. There has to be a level of compromise, and there has to

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be individuality. I sometimes think when people get married, they lose who they are. I’m big on that. We are one, but we are two individuals.

I’ve always felt like what has helped us is having our lives together while maintaining our individuality. She has her life. She has her friends and her community. I have mine.

I think, sometimes when people give up their individuality for marriage. As soon as you get tired of each other, it’s this big blow-up. You have to keep your identity. I think that’s a level of love that says, ‘Hey, go, do you. Take girl trips. Do all this stuff.’ Go. I got our daughter. Go do your thing. That’s a level of love and security. A level of security to know that you’re covered if you’re gone.

I’m covered if I’m gone. Love is a million things. These are the actions that stand out in our home.

Love is patient. Love is about compromising. Love is a choice also.

Those are the things that come to my mind first. And just marriage in general, anybody can go downtown and get married, but what about the endurance and just choosing to continue to live out life with a person when you don’t feel like, or you’re like, I have the right to go right now. I have the right not to stay, but I want to see what tomorrow can bring or if things can change. It’s just a willingness to do it. So, I would say love is patient.”

Best Marriage Advice.

Dietra: One thing his mom told me before we got married was, ‘I’m not going to be a messy mother-in-law.’

She said ‘But if you come to me for advice or ask me my opinion, then you’re inviting me in. Just know that once you invite me, I’m in, but I won’t be messy.’ That stood out to me because I honestly have taken it to other relationships as well.

Meaning if you’re out there just talking about your business, then sometimes people may know more than they need to know. Then, they might end up holding something against your spouse when they don’t need to when you guys have already made up.

So, with that said, I have just tried to keep that in mind. It’s been very helpful, honestly.

Isaac: Honestly, that’s good because the less stuff can invade your relationship, the better. One of the things that have helped us is aligning ourselves with other couples that have a real marriage. So the husband really loves his wife, and the wife really loves her husband. Because you realize that you’re not the only ones having issues and having problems, and you can bounce things off of one another.

Dietra: My grandmother, who is now 91 and has been married 77 years, told me this when I got married; she said, ‘What you start they’re going to expect for you to continue it. So I’m letting you know now.’

Persevering.

Isaac: I believe every marriage goes through those phases where you’re just not vibing, and you’re not feeling one another, you’re in two different spaces. For me, a lot of mine boiled down to me trying to hone in on my career being a provider for the family. Often, I would isolate myself when I had a lot of stuff going on in my mind. I check out. For me, video games, whatever it is, it’s my space to process.

What I’ve learned and what I’m still learning is that it pushes her away when I do that. But I’m not the type of person that would be like, ‘I’m going through a lot right now. Could we sit down and talk?’ I’m not that guy. I’m the kind of guy who got to make it make sense in my mind.

Then, once it makes sense in my mind, I can live it out and put it into action. She wants me to be like, ‘Can we sit down and talk?’ But I’m like, ‘ugh.’

Dietra: I know enough about him now. I sense it. If anything, he doesn’t know, but I’m praying for him. I see the disconnect, but I know he doesn’t want to talk about it. So, a lot of times, I just take things to prayer. Prayer is always the best thing, but I would prefer a conversation.

Isaac: But I would prefer to pray about it from this perspective. When she takes things to God like that, it forces me a few days later to come to her and tell her what I was going through without her having to come to me. I was like, ‘This happened. I’ve been going through this boom, boom, and boom. She was like, ‘Okay. Well, I felt that. I’ve been praying for you.’

Intentionally Connecting.

Isaac: If I can be honest, the pandemic helped us with that.

Because my wife worked and she was going to a job, she’ll be gone eight to 12 hours a day. If I’m in town, I would see them in the evening, or I’m out of town. So, we didn’t have a lot of time, or we didn’t utilize our time, I should say, wisely to make time for just being intentional, doing certain things together. But when we were forced to be in the house together all the time, I was scared. I don’t know how she felt, but I was nervous. I had never been around my wife or daughter this much because I was always in and out.

But it, subconsciously, drew us together closer. We had those moments when she needed her space, and I needed mine. We would go to different parts of the house, but we would find ourselves coming back together. Whether it’s watching movies, talking, playing games, whatever it was. It was nowhere near as bad as I thought it would be.

Sometimes God has a way to put you in situations when you don’t necessarily utilize the time you’re given to make it happen. Things that I wouldn’t do or things that she wouldn’t do, God forced us into a situation where we had to do it. Now it’s like, ‘Okay, cool.’ Now, pretty much we go out and do something every week.

Dietra: I think counseling has helped with staying connected or just the communication part, learning and trying to figure out different strategies of how to talk to each other and figure out little things. I think that’s the main thing.

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Therapy.

Dietra: Therapy has helped us. I started individual, he did individual, so it was just working on the things we saw in ourselves that were brought out over last year or the last couple of years.

Therapy is needed, but it’s so… When I started being more vocal, like on social media and stuff about going to therapy, he was like, ‘Some of the mothers from back home are hitting me up. You better pray about it.’ I’m like, ‘Of course.’

Isaac: That’s that old school, I’m from North Carolina, and she’s from Virginia, that’s that old school ‘pray about it, pray about it.’ That’s cool, but you got to start talking to somebody also. You got to get that stuff out of you, and you got to talk to somebody when you can keep it 100, and they will give you an audible answerback.

They’re going to provide you with instructions and tools. Sometimes it’s not necessarily getting an answer back; it is more so getting it out of you. She does her individual, I do my individual, and then we come together and do some stuff. It’s a process, but it helps.

Healthy Friendships.

Isaac What helped us was finding couples that weren’t needy. We needed strong, not perfect relationships, but relationships that have stood the test of time. Often, when we hang out with our friends, we’re not talking about marriage. We don’t make every outing or gathering a counseling session because that could be annoying. We have fun together. We laugh, we joke, and we talk. Sometimes the guys end up in one room; the girls end up in another.

They have their thing, and we have our thing. But for the most part, it’s just the community, being around other couples.

If I need to go to one of the brothers, I could. If she needed to go to one of the girls, she could. I’m cool with the girl she’s going to. She’s cool with the guys I’m going to. Meaning she trusts that if I go to them, they will give good, sound advice, not just what I want to hear and vice versa. So that’s important to me.

That helped us because we didn’t always have that either. Then these friends landed, and they’re lifers. They’re just good people.

Your tribe got to know your vibe. If all of us are going in the same direction, whether spiritually, emotionally, financially, business-wise, we’re bouncing ideas off each other, building one another, and supporting one another. We’re not in competition with one another, and we’re not jealous of one another.

Some of our friends got more money than us, and we’re cool with that. We don’t feel any way about it and vice versa. It’s just one of those things where you have to be secure about who you are. Sometimes friendships can be weird because if you have friends trying to compete with you, it never works out if you have friends who are trying to keep up with you. It’s like, if you can afford to drop this on this kind of money on this and I can’t, I’m not going to feel anyway. I’m going to celebrate the fact that you’re able to.

Legacy.

Dietra: I always think about time. My mother passed in 2020 from COVID. I always think about it. I remember she came to Georgia; she came on a train. I just think if I had known that when I put her back on that train, what else would I have said differently? I always think about the last… I try to think about my moments with family. I want them to be

impressionable, and I want them to make sense. I want our legacy to be familyoriented because I always think about tomorrow’s not promised, literally. We had to learn it and see it the hard way.

It is not promised. Making moments matter to me is important to me.

Isaac: She’s big on memories. You can buy this, and we can buy that. That’s cool. It’s the memories for her, building something that can outlive us. I think that’s the key, creating something that could outlive us and instilling something in our daughter that she can run with and always say, my parents did this, my parents did that. I heard somebody say, ‘When I die, I want to die empty.’ I want everything in me to have been accomplished, but we don’t plan to go anywhere anytime soon.

Dietra: As he said with our daughter, I want to ensure that our values are carried out or instilled. I always question am I enough or am I doing enough? Even when it comes to religion, are they getting it? Churches are so different now than when we grew up.

So much is acceptable now that wasn’t before. The long-term is what I always focus on. Hopefully, it’s carried on and lived out.

**Bonus Topic** No Risk No Reward.

Isaac: It was a specialty project. It was a specialty album. I was in the space of my life where I felt like women needed to be spoken to. But, I really wanted to do it from a relationship standpoint. So, a lot of the songs lean toward that space where I just felt like…You see relationships in the world, but you don’t really see a lot of relationships in the church be celebrated.

Unfortunately, the album ended up coming out in a pandemic. So, it didn’t really get out there as I wanted it to. But for those it was supposed to touch and reach, it did, so I’m grateful.

*Editor’s Note* The No Risk No Reward album is one of our favorites, and it helped Antonio and me through a rough season, and we are so grateful for it. It is available on all streaming platforms if you haven’t listened to it.

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LOVE IS… Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5 It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6 Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7 It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

8 Love never fails.

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1 Corinthians 13:4-8 New International Version

Jan./Feb./Mar. EDITION 2022

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LOVE IS… Eddie & Tiara Hedgepeth Married for 14 years Our LOVE is……valuing each other’s happiness and needs as much as one’s own! It is affectionate, communicative, magnetic, and protective; which makes us vulnerable! This love is fun, trusting, and true! This love is choosing EACH OTHER during difficult times! This love is making the conscious decision to fight for what God has joined together!

This love is REAL!!!

Malene Bautista Single Love is compromise, sacrifice, patience and choosing each other every day. I think as a younger generation, we are redefining what love and forever looks like but I believe at the core, it is all encompassing.

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Terrance & Alveria LuCretia Hawthorne Married for 20 years Love is Unconditional. It has absolutely no conditions.

Love always seeks to give the advantage and never takes the advantage. Love doesn’t hurt, It’s not an emotion. It’s an emotional experience.

Love is an unbreakable spiritual connection. Love bears all even through sickness and health. Love has sustained Our marriage for over 20 years and counting.

In fact, love has always been the center of our marriage.

We most definitely depend on our love for one another to get us through the most trying times of our life. Love never fails, and I will continue to love my Queen to life.

Denise King aka Aunt Niecy Married for 20 years Love is fearlessly bold and never gets old Love is listening with your ears and communicates by answering considering the heart Love makes it hard to be apart Love is as intense when you are not around Love is respectful and not deceitful Love is feeling protected Love is doing small things to cause a smile Love is manifested as an action and not just a feeling Love is loving you even in spite your faults Love is knowing God is the foundation…..

Without God everything fails

Jan./Feb./Mar. EDITION 2022

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about it, there are various love languages that most of us will acknowledge exists, with that in mind we cannot view Love as a one size fits all endeavor that can easily be captured in one statement.

In March of 2015 I tragically lost the love of my life, Earl, a man who I had spent 21 years growing in love, and had planned to grow old with, as we travelled the world together.

Since his death, I have spent numerous days, several months and years trying to process this deep loss of my love. I’ve learned through this processing that Love is never ending even when the person you love is no longer walking beside you, you will FOREVER carry them in your heart. This has helped me mend - I still have some sad moments – but I also still have him with me, and as I move into the next chapter of my life, I can move ahead with courage and strength because even with my broken heart, I still can feel his love pulling it all together.

For me, the best way to express love in regards to losing someone would be:

Jocquita Williams Widowed for 6 ½ years There are so many different thoughts and feelings in regards to what Love is and what Love should look and feel like. After experiencing so much love yet having it tied with loss, hurt and grief in the past few years, I think that for me, I will have to say love can look different for each individual relationship, and through different chapters of our lives. When you think

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It’s okay to carry that love forward into your next chapter, because the flame still exists, and that is okay. Although it took some time I have opened my mind and heart to the idea of loving someone new and being loved by someone other than my husband.

I have started dating and I am feeling hopeful that I will be able to continue to Get up, Get Out and Live Honey! To this new chapter in life I would say: I’m moving ahead with the lessons I have learned from having loved and been loved by Earl and that was ---- Love is putting in what you hope to get back in return – Understanding, Honesty, and Commitment.

Eugene & Sylvia Koonce Married for 35 years We have been in covenant for over 30 years.

Love has grown from the first glimpse across the college campus grounds to cooking our favorite meal in the kitchen. Love knows how to write your narrative. Love is the glue that perfects our imperfections. Love is the thread woven into every victory, disagreement, and lesson.

Love makes the purpose and dreams realities.

Love bonds the commitment of the “I DO”!

God is love, and all will be futile without His foundation and blueprint to follow.

Photo Credit: whoiskoonce

Shanique’ Thomas Engaged Trey, Love is…you. Nothing more. Nothing less.

Love is what you have shown me since the very first day we met. When we met, I was facing a lot of adversity. I did not know if I was going or coming. God sent you to me to show me grace.

You have shown me that I do not have to “keep it together” all the time. You have shown me that I do not always have to be the “strong” one.

Love is allowing God to lead us and not lean unto our understanding. It’s learning to be with someone you can’t live without rather than just be with. So, when things get rough, you realize who and what you’re fighting for. Love is rare. The term is used too loosely. I have found my “love” in you, and real Love is rare and hard to find.

Jan./Feb./Mar. EDITION 2022

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Living Luxe

10 Design Tips to Spice Up Your Bedroom

Christina Walker C. Renee Interior Designer LLC www.iamcrenee.com info@iamcrenee.com

Christina Owens

“Here are a few ways to spice up your bedroom to reflect a loving and peaceful space. Put some action into these tips and see how it sets the mood for romance well after Valentine’s Day”

L

ove is in the air! February is when many reflect on love and make a more significant effort to show it to their loved ones. Love is an action word; it is what it does. So many of us look for the perfect gift with the hopes of making our loved ones feel special. This year, consider creating spaces in your home that will constantly remind you both of love. Here are my tips to add romance to your bedroom.

1. Add soft drapery to your room, your color of choice. Remember to measure for the right length. Proper length is essential to the room’s scale; it brings everything into appropriate balance.

2. Nice bedding, adds layers and layers. Always protect your mattress with a protection cover, mattress pad, or foam topper of your choice for comfort: fitted and flat sheet, soft and cozy comforter plush throw blankets, lots of pillows.

3. Soft lighting, who wants to come into a room that looks like a lab or supermarket lighting? Use soft white, warm lighting, recess lighting, and string lights to bring in a nice ambiance.

4. Tap into a sensual scent of your choice: scented candles, room sprays, essential oils diffuser, and wall plug-ins. And my favorite pillow sprays. They help relax you

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and aids in a good night’s rest. Some scents act as an aphrodisiac. Find a local candle specialty shop that offers scents that trigger certain moods for a romantic night.

5. Grab a fresh bouquet of flowers. Roses are always a must this time of year; red, pink, and violets are always beautiful.

6. Add in soft music of your choice. Find a Bluetooth speaker. Most are easy to hide with Alexa. Then create that special playlist (you know the one).

7. Eliminate the TV for a few nights; if it must stay, add screen savers that add to a romantic night like a fireplace or starry night.

8. Large area rugs that 9x12 are large enough for your queen or king-size bed to fit on. Large area rugs will allow you to step onto something warm and plush on a cold night or day. It can also add texture and pattern to the space, making it sexy.

9. If you don’t have a fireplace in your room, add one!

You can add an electric one that mounts flush on the wall. This adds more ambiance and keeps you warm for those cold and cuddly nights.

10. And as always, I have to give you a little something extra. Find a small sexy sleek drink/wine cooler to keep nearby. You can find a nice one on Amazon to store cool drinks. This keeps you from having to leave your new romantic room. Wink Wink…..

LOVE Is WORTH IT James & Monica Miller W

hen I think about what “love is,” 1 Corinthians 13:48 is the first thing that comes to mind (feel free to check the verse if necessary). Although I believe all the things included in those verses to be true ... I also think there is so much more to it. The complexities of Love and the different ways that it is manifested depending on the type of relationship are astounding, to say the least.

Love is an amazing phenomenon, unique because it transcends race, gender, financial status, power, and position to provide immense joy, excitement, satisfaction, and perpetual happiness.

While simultaneously possessing the ability to cause unthinkable despair, jealousy, pain, and chronic stress.

When it comes to intimate relationships, specifically MARRIAGE, which is our topic of focus for FLM, Love can be like walking through a minefield blindfolded on the chance of getting to heaven on earth on the other side.

With no guarantees, why would someone take such a chance??

I’m glad you asked... If there is one thing that I would advise anyone to seek out and find in their lifetime, it would not be money or riches, houses or cars, clothes or jewelry. No, without a doubt, it would most definitely be LOVE! That’s right, in my experienc-

Love is the one investment where I wholeheartedly believe that the risk is definitely worth the reward, and typically the higher the risk, the greater the reward.

es in this lifetime being married to the Love of my life for 18 years and counting, Love is the one investment where I wholeheartedly believe that the risk is definitely worth the reward, and typically the higher the risk, the greater the reward. So yes, Love can be many things to many people in many different ways, and when it comes to finding it and sharing it with the Love of your life, LOVE IS absolutely WORTH IT!!

Jan./Feb./Mar. EDITION 2022

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SHE IS FEARLESS

Marcella Boothe

By Denise King

M

arcella Boothe is the newest YouTube sensation attempting to change the narrative of social media via her blog, Speak with Your Girl Marcella. While Marcella has found success as a blogger, she is so much more. Marcella is a wife, mom, foster mom, aspiring actress, philanthropist, multilingual socialite, and survivor of childhood trauma and abuse. She is fearless!

Marcella’s childhood was full of trauma. One example that depicts just how severe the abuse she endured was the story of her teenage pregnancy. At age 16, Marcella began seeking love, attention, and validation from boys and became pregnant.

Ultimately, her mother found out about the pregnancy when she was five months. After seeing Marcella in the bathroom one day, her mother kicked her in the stomach and caused her to suffer a miscarriage. The abuse continued until she finally fought back. Marcella has recalled her abuse and chronicled the healing process via her YouTube channel.

Marcella struggled to find love as she continued to seek validation and love from men to compensate for the affection and attention her mother never gave her. Although her journey has not been easy, she never gave up on finding a partner that would treat her right and love her properly. Twice divorced and now a mother of three, she has found her forever!

Marcella feels that the third time is a charm.

Marcella is also a cancer survivor. Not wanting her family to worry about her, she decided to face her diagnosis alone. Ultimately, her family became aware when she had to have surgery. While this was the best decision for her, she acknowledges that she suffered in silence, which was not healthy for her mental health.

A Philanthropist at heart, Marcella gives back by volunteering at the polls and serving on local committees within her community.

In addition, she advocates for foster care and proudly serves on the Board of Directors for the charity “Tidewater Friends of Foster Care.”

During the Pandemic, social media became an outlet for many, including Marcella. She turned to social media because she couldn’t travel. During this time, she became friends with celebrity blogger Khyle Paylor, creator of The Black Socialites blog. Khyle gave her the handle MarcellaSpeaks_. Marcella started going live with Khyle and his friend RJ Allen to recap the Real Housewives of Potomac episodes. The tragic passing of Khyle brought other content creators together in the same circles, which led to Marcella’s creating her platform.

Marcella started her YouTube channel, “Speak with Your Girl Marcella” with a mission to inspire, educate and motivate. She covers a wide range of topics from childhood trauma, financial tips to commentary on reality shows. You can also catch Marcella as she relieves stress by dancing and performing skits on TikTok under the handle Marcella976. Marcella also facilitates a group on Facebook called “All the Real Housewives Discussion.”

When asked what it means to be fearless, Marcella stated, “Taking things head-on, having confidence in God, and taking each day one at a time!” She further said, “I have been all over the world, but I have learned that to have true peace, you have to have peace within yourself wherever you are!”

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Jan./Feb./Mar. EDITION 2022

Lets Heal

‘DADDY BROKE IT, AND THE FATHER FIXED IT’ Quencia Mangum

I waited. All my friends and I waited for my Daddy.

I

t was my birthday. Daddy promised to come and take my friends and me out following choir rehearsal. I was so excited. Daddy was coming! I was a true Daddy’s girl.

We waited. All my friends and I waited. They kept asking me where he was. It was getting late. “He said he’s coming!” I responded with a little frustration.

It was my birthday. Daddy never came.

We were going on a trip…with Daddy. I got dressed before lying down for bed. Daddy was coming early in the morning, and I wanted to be ready. I was excited yet a little unsure. Daddy said he was coming, but he said that many times before. Nevertheless, I waited. I didn’t get much sleep because I tried to stay up and wait for Daddy.

Daddy never showed up…again.

He was my hero. I was the annoying little girl always talking about her Daddy. He was my favorite person and the one who could do no wrong until, eventually, I grew up and stopped waiting.

I stopped looking for Daddy to show up. I stopped looking for Daddy to validate me. I stopped looking for Daddy to fix things.

For a while, I was angry. Daddies weren’t supposed to let their little girls down, so I thought. However, as an adult seeking to heal from my trauma, I chose to stop looking, not because I was angry or wanted to give up on him, but because I realized that maybe he didn’t know what “showing up” looked like. Maybe he, too, was still seeking validation from the one who was supposed to be the hero in his own story. Maybe, just maybe, he didn’t know how to “fix things” because all he had ever known was how to make do with what was broken.

After suffering heavily from multiple failed relationships, I soon understood how crucial it was to resolve my Daddy issues. So, finally, I mustered up enough courage to start the journey of fixing myself by turning to the One whom I was certain would show up for me, and not only me, but he’d show up for Daddy, too. I knew Daddy needed Him just as much as I did. The truth is, The Father had already shown up for the both of us. The Father had already validated us long before we were ever born. Not only that, but The Father had already fixed everything that would ever be broken within us. He knew our stories. He knew what effect my Daddy’s history and decisions would have on me. The Father knew, and He was always there. For every lunch date. For every basketball game. For every singing contest. The Father never missed a beat

for every good day and every bad day. And while He was always loving on me, He was always loving on my Daddy, too.

Our trauma, mistakes, and decisions may have broken us, but The Father’s love was always there to fix us and extend grace beyond comprehension. That is why we humbly give a pass to our dads, moms, sisters, and brothers. We should also give ourselves a pass because sometimes we don’t know the ‘how’, which is okay.

People often do better when they are loved and shown better.

There are those that The Father will confidently choose to show His love in the earth because he knows, just as He did, they will lay aside the victim role to win a soul, and we all know that ministry begins at home and then spreads abroad. The challenge at times is knowing when to take ourselves out of the equation. The truth is that our brokenness is hardly ever about us. When we are connected to The Father, we are always on assignment, and we don’t get to choose what or who those assignments are. What we get to do is trust every broken, fragile piece in the hands of The Father, and we get to trust that He will make a beautifully flawed story and masterpiece out of it. No matter how broken we are, we are never beyond repair in The Father’s eyes. The most beautiful, most valuable art pieces have a story of pain, sweat, and sometimes, tears. Yet, when you look at the masterpiece, you will see that it was all a necessary part of the journey to fulfilling its purpose.

If there is someone that you feel has left a void in your life, take a moment to set them free. Set them free from your expectation of what they should or shouldn’t have done. It is not your responsibility or purpose to spend the rest of your life asking “why?”. Some answers will never come. What will come is love, peace, forgiveness, and grace that you can only experience from a perfect Father. Daddy may have broken it, but The Father is always available and willing to fix it. Just know, He is going to start with fixing you first.

Jan./Feb./Mar. EDITION 2022

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I Love you, MAN Carl Cox

M

any men downright cringe when you mention the “L” word. Men, it’s not our fault. Your past experiences and current environment determine your thoughts, actions, and responses to everyday situations. Many men have never been shown or taught a masculine version of love. It’s been a toxic display that has trickled through generations.

Let’s read 1 Corinthians 13:4-7

How do we break the cycle? First, we must begin to teach men in a way that breaks the curse plaguing us right now. The Bible must become the Patriarch Blueprint.

When I teach this chapter the “Intentional Men” way, it gives Men a blueprint of what love looks like and allows His Word to be the standard we are to live as Men.

A Man never gives up striving for greater.

He never loses faith in God. He is always hopeful and endures through every circumstance 26

Jan./Feb./Mar. EDITION 2022

“Love is patient and kind. Love is not jealous or boastful or proud, or rude. It does not demand its own way. It is not irritable, and it keeps no record of being wronged. It does not rejoice about injustice but rejoices whenever the truth wins out. Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance.”

A Man is patient and kind. A Man is not jealous or boastful, proud or rude. He does not demand His own way. He is not irritable towards his family and keeps no record of being wronged because he knows his value. He does not rejoice about injustice but rejoices whenever truth wins. A Man never gives up striving for greater.

He never loses faith in God. He is always hopeful and endures through every circumstance because God has called him to instill Morality, Humility and be the Defender to those entrusted to him.

Father, may every man reading these words now allow them to be the starting point for how they are to live and love as Men. In Jesus name, Amen.

STAY CONNECTED WITH CARL COX IG:@carl.ox.cox

Joy Resides Here…

Healthy Friendships

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Tanesha Sands

ature conversations, hard conversations, accountability, honesty, respect, support, and love, are just some ingredients to cultivating a healthy friendship. Unfortunately, friendships aren’t the easiest to steward. It takes a lot of dedication and patience to grow with similar individuals but very different from you. To illustrate, all of my friends love Jesus, and we all attend the same church. However, we’re all walking down different paths within our Christian walk. We hold each other accountable for our differences as we grow and mature in Christ.

As we transition into February, the month of love, I wanted to share the love I have among my friends. When we think of February, we think about romantic love shared between couples. Fortunately, love is so much better than that.

Love is broad because Jesus is love. It’s funny how we have boxed Valentine’s Day around romantic love when platonic love is just as powerful. There are many scriptures surrounding friendships, most importantly covenant friendships.

Jesus said in John 15:13 that “greater love hath no man than this, that a man lay down his life for his friends.” While you don’t have to lay down your life to have a covenant friendship, it’s important that you exhibit that amount of godly love towards your friends in order to be a covenant friend. https:// www.bethesdaseniorliving.com/blog/ what-is-covenant-friendship-and-tipsfor-developing-it-as-a-senior Making friends as an adult may be difficult. No one gives you a manual on how to navigate through friendships.

For me, building community has been extremely difficult. Growing up an only child, my mom was my best friend. I

mean best friends as in she came to me for everything and I went to her for everything. But, there wasn’t an outside outlet, so I struggled with opening up to others.

Now let’s fast forward to my adult years. I’m in my 30’s, and I’m losing friends. Wondering what was happening, I challenged myself to search within to determine why I continued to struggle with friendships. Now, I have friends, but I’m too busy trying to make new friends. So, a reality check made me realize I don’t know how to be a friend. Y’all see those pictures at the beginning of the blog? Yes, my one besties I’ve been friends with her for nine years and the other my besties of 3 years. Two incredible individuals who have been in my corner since day 1.

Well, how did you learn to cultivate your friendships? I’m glad you asked because God took me into a space of restoration for six months. During this time frame, I evaluated how I viewed my platonic relationships. There was space for healing from the friendships lost during this time, as well as tons of love for the friendships I’ve always had. It became obvious that I needed to steward what I already had before wanting more. As a friend, I’m very low maintenance. So, the joys of having a ton of friends do not bring me joy.

Once I found my focus, I found happiness and joy with my friends. I have a few new girlfriends I’m building community with, but I’m taking my time.

I’ve been eager to have something new in past seasons when I already had it.

This season is all about building on the fruits of my covenant. Friends who I do life with. Friends who I’ve learned to open up to. I’m learning how to be kind to myself in all areas of my life.

Learning how to manage my two best friends showed me that for me, two are enough.

Jan./Feb./Mar. EDITION 2022

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