Page 1

Foreign Correspond,ents' Club of Hong Kong

Vol.2 No.7


Ww The Officers: Fl ublished monthlv as

President

l'

Anthony Paul First Vice President Frank Beatty Second Vice President Keith Jackson

The editor's heart-felt thanks go out this issue to the club members who responded to his frantic appeal for material with which to fill this

growing magazine (20 pages this

Treasurer

edition). People like Kevin Sinclair, Dr Henry A. Singer, Ma Kam So-li, Al Chambers and Ed Neilan. Don

Derek Davies Secretary

Ronk, as usual, gave a great deal of moral and technical support. So too did the many members who said

Donald Wise

they like this sort of style and format. With 20 pages now to fill, the editor needs even more help. He will not shut up until there is so much help that the magazine produces itself and he can retire with Lucky Kev and Jimmy the

The Staff: Editor

Derek Maitland

copy boy in the Bahamas.

Photographer

Hugh Van Es

an

organ of the ForĂŠign Cor-

respondents' Club of Hong Kong. Offices at 1sth Floor, Sutherland House, 3 Chater

Road, Hong Kong. Tel: 5-

237734 and

5-233OO3.

Cables: COBCLUB HONG KONG. Address all correspondence to: Editor, Foreign Correspondents' Club of

Hong Kong, 1 5th Floor, 3 Chater Road, Hong Kong. Adver-

Sutherland House,

tising: Nida Cranbourne, First Floor, 30 lce House St., Hong Kong. Tel: 5-248482.

Printed by Yee Tin Tong Printing Press, Ltd., Aik San Factory Building, Ground

Floor, Block A, 14, Westlands Road, Ouarry Bay, Hong

Advertising

Nida Cranbourne

Kong. Tel: 5-622271-7.

LE@W PARIS

,4t2y't,,.,,''

Sole Aqents: FRENCH FASHIONS LTD.,

m

r tÂĄt t'ttl

.,


IN SEARCH OF THE GREEN

DRAGON NIGHTCLUB By DEREK MAITLAND

About half way through their historic six-day official visít to

China, UPITN's Nick Ouin and the corporation's president, Clarence E. "Dusty" Rhodes, ran into a press correspondent in Peking. So

weighted down, were they, by the rigours of official function.s and sightseeing tours that they g'reeted him with abandoned joy and the old 64-dollar question:

"What do two

clean-limbed,

able-bodied fun-loving pals do for

an evening of rampant excitement

in PekingT" "Well, we all go to the

Green

Dragon Nightclub," the cor-

respondent informed them.

"The Green Dragon Nightclub?

What's the Nightclub?"

G

reen Dragon

"You mean you've never

been

thereT You mean you've never seen

w

Nick Auin (top) at The Wall and (above) with UPITN president Dusty Rhodes.

Ouin was flabergasted. He broke out in an unhealthy sweat. W¡th the Gang of Four apparently packed off to oblivion and the Chinese Communist leadership apparently anxious to bring their nation in from the cold, it was true that China's austere lifestyle was showing signs

inside the city l¡m¡ts of Peking, and were free to talk to anyone," said

Ouin. "ln Peking we were even able to take walks on our own without being accompanied by our in-

terpreter. Dusty was even allowed to take photographs unhindered.

'What we found was a lot of ¡nstance. Particularly

"People were not wearing the same drab uniforms any more - in fact, the only Chinese still done up in the old Mao suits and boilersuits

clothing, both in the stores and on the streets, convinced us that

Canton, Ouin and Rhodes had been

reins normally associated with

c

softening

a bit. ln

Peking ãnd

free to duck under the tight official China visits, and had seen enough to convince them that life in China was beginning to relax.

"We were allowed to

go

anywhere we wanted in Canton añd

slacks.

"That's not to say that fashions have suddenly gone wild. The men st¡ll look drab in white shirts worn over dark trousers and the women, though extremely attractive on the

evidence of greater liberalisation in lifestyles in both cities. Stores were selling a wider variety of consumer

of

visitors at Peking airport. "The younger girls are stepp¡ng out in colourful shirts instead of the old blue proletariat blouses and a lot of them are start¡ng to flaunt a bit of femininity by wearing tighter

goods,

loth ing.

for

appeared to be officials welcoming

whole, show no evidence of makeup or groom¡ng, "But the greater varíety of there's an

acceptance

by

the


oovernment that the people want to ðoll themselves uP a bit."

But fishnet stöckings and

Red

Star garters?

"Where is this Golden Dragon Nightclub?" Ouin demanded - his voTce but a hoarse whisPer amid the twilight symphony of bicYcl-e squeaks ãnd clanks and the soft chatter of familY groups on this

wide Peking boulevarde. "You mean you've reallY never

been there?" lt was the correspondent who was now f laberoasted. "You mean to say uou've- never seen the celebrated

b"r""

of the Seven Revolutionary Martyrs where these Young farmgirls with cheeks like Peach

blossôms and blushing faces writhe to and fro between the tables wear-

inq nothing but forage caPs and ba-ndoliers ót Rf-¿Z ammunition?" Ouin was struck sPeechless, lt was true that in discussions with Chinese broadcasting authorities, he and Rhodes had just glanced through a broad breach in China's armour -ln against Western influences.

this, the first

dialogue

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the nation's leading communes U PITN and China's their I Broadcasting AuthoritY, blowing kisses and wigglingwhile Ouin and Rhodes had sought to frilly bums in the footlights open a satellite down-leg into off-duty shock troops from the blossoms between Centra

Peking, offering the Chinese a 10minutè daily TV news package

already Japan,

togethe show nat¡ona e

mohasis on

U

nited

Russian border hurl lotus

on to the stage and drink champagne from silver slippers? Liberalisation or not, it still didn't seem to add up. True, the two men had spent a thoroughly relaxing day at the

States

domestic news. TheY hadn't exactlY been shown to the door. Far from it. "They expressed a growing interest in all overseas news, Particularly stories emanating from Washington," said Ouin.'"|-heY said

they were interested in taking

uP

our offer, but as yet they've got no technical facilities for receiving a satellite broadcast.

"However, they are currently transmitting their own news via satellite to the Asian Broadcasting

Union and Eurovision, and theY told

us they're also totallY

reconstructing their studio facilities in Peking, presumablY to set uP for a down-leg. "Otherwise, the imPression we were given was that since Chiang Ching and her gang had been oust-

ed fiom control of the

Chinese media, the entire television system

was being overhauled, particularly in regard to format and Presentation.

"New production ideas are being introduced to raíse Chinese newscasts to Western standards, and Central Broadcasting Author¡ty officials openly admitted to us that there've been a lot of comPlaints from the public about news formats which are pretty heavy, with the -foreign content dealing mainly with featule material with strong social messages, industrial discord in the West, United Nations meetings and that sort of thing. The presentation

is straight out of the fifties' "The producers themselves talk-

ed about a whole new era

of

realism in television broadcasting,

and obviously they're being allowed

greater leeway on content

and

Star commune, an

Red

ideological

showpiece just outside Peking - the memory of which had Ouin waxing e loquently.

"What impressed us was the of the workers'

delightful setting

homes in a tranquil rural scene," he reported "A lot of thought had obviously gone into the lifestyle of the

place, with the homes equiPPed with little courtyards where the families could grow their own

f

lowers and vegetables and the

whole complex set a mongst

orchards and fields. "We were able to sit down with the workers,who chatted quite freely with us, askÍng questions about the United States and EuroPe. lt was a free exchange of views - a'll conducted over freshlY Picked and

delicious white Peaches. "l would have quite happil! settled there myself." But Ouin's overall impression of

both cities was still their "remarkable drabness, with little attempt made to beautify or aesthetically enhance the urban areas." And there was still that

general strict regimentation of Chinese life. For all that, Ouin found the People "very quiet, and not making the

usual noise associated with the

Chinese in Hong Kong," and said he certainly'saw no evidence of dis-

content.

"l saw no indication, either, of

vivre. 'ioieSodewhat was all this about thè Green Dragon Nightclub, where

visitors and-expatriates and China's

ruling clique soothed their jaded sensés amid abandoned revelry and people spoke in whisPers about the

and powers of decision' óroduction ' "Add to that the fact that theY're showing interest in a wider variety of Western TV drama and entertainment - like The SweeneY - and

ðeliôhts'of the lucky door Prizes? Ouiñ could contain himself no

Bevies of G-stringed beauties from

like."

there's certainly more than just room for speculation that China's riqid lifestyle is loosening uP"' But naked nightclub shows?

longer.

For God's sake, he

"Where rs this place?"

croaked'

The correspondent raised a hand to his head and tapped it. "Up there," he said, grinning. "You can go there anY time You

r


TAIWAN

IN SEARCH OF

PRIME MINISTER CHIANG How does he do it? While the rest of the party swelters under the hot Taiwanese sun, Richard Hughes is offered shelter under the sunshade'of the delightful Melinda Liu, Taipei-based correspondent of the Washing-

By KEVIN SINCIAIB

ton Post and Newsweek.

The whisper started

going

around the bar at the Hotel Appolo

in

Taichung, Central Taiwan, at

lunchtime.

"We're going

to see Chiang

Ching-kuo this afternoon." Nobody knows how the rumour started, but none of a group of 30

newspaper, televis¡on and radio

reporters touring Taiwan were going to miss out on the rare chance of interviewing the Prime Minister of the Republic of China. The Taiwan Government lnfor-

mation Officials shepherding the group of journalists around the lsland could not confirm that the Premier would be at the museum they planned to take us to. But they couldn't deny it. either, so a motley group of British, American, Taiwanese, Hongkong,

New Zealand, Brazilian, Swiss. Italian and Japanese reporters

trooped aboard a bus and headed towards a museum at the historic fishing port of Lukang, reportedly the oldest Chinese settlement on

Next day, at breakfast,

the

whisper got around: "We're going

to meet the Premier at Puli village." We got to Puli to be greeted by singing children in a nursery school. There were ducks. There were affable village elders. There were monstrous water buffalo. There was no Prime Minister.

He had left 10 minutes before we arrived. Later that day, the bus stopped on the road to Fuchou, near the Bridge of Loving Orchids, under the shadow of the Temple of Spiritual

Officials clustered nervously near

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We were waiting, we were told, for Premier Chiang. He was passing by soon, and would stop and talk to us.

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Ten minutes passed. No Premier

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the gate but finally the flag was eastern Taiwan. He seemed to be enjoying lowered, the bus was filled and. amid muttered oaths in assorted himself And nobody was asking any languages, historic Lukang was left behind.

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New Village in Central Taiwan, At the museum, once a stately Government officials showed the private home, there was no sign of visiting reporters a film of Prime Minister Chiang dancing with Prime Minister Chiang.

Taiwan.

YOUR

Otfice ConcePts (Æiq) 202 Far East Exchange Bu¡ld¡ng, Hong Kong. fel 5-260104/7 . ln Assoc¡ation wilh the Avant Garde Group


and the Pacific." lt's a middle- to

B

s b all pals 'Danat the FCC."

Solon, now with the National TransPortation PolicY Study Commission in Washingto.n' askeã to be remembered to Art

Ed Neilan, the former Hong Kong

based Asia corresPondent for Coolev News Service, once gave a newlv-h¡red CNS Saigon

Mitter, Chartie Smith, Bert OkuleY, David Bett, Tim Rossi, Erigid Snow' Nevìlle ChesneY and "all other

correspondent a few tiPs on how to ãp"t.i" successfully in this part of

colleagues,"

Rel Etlis wrcte in

from

and had this to saY: Johannesburg -'1 now hãve the exalted t¡tle of

everv dav. Büt sóriouslY, Neilan knew Asia, loved Asia and knew how to handle

Southern Africa Bureau Chief for

orofile of Anna Chennault and some ãf Paul "Zeke" Paddock's memories as the last pre-revolution American diolomat in China. "But we also look at the lighter,

ABC News and a brand new office

oooular. human side of the US-

Asia situation," saYs Ed, and this is borne out bv the September issue's

starting to make like a

news

now largely filled w¡th Far Eastern memorabilia'

*

*

{€

"NaturallY I

would

have

oreferred to be transferred back to 'Hong Kong . . . but maYbe next

S

eventh Stteet,

Parkmore'


Republic

One of the world authorities on aviation law, Dr Harold Poulton,

everyone at the club . . . and tell my closer friends I will be communicatĂ?ng with them as I get a

director of Australia's Ansett Transport lndustries. A law

Sandton, Johannesburg, Transvaal,

of South Africa, 2196. Telephone: 783-l 536. "Please give my best to

chance."

*

*

*

U.S. correspondent seeking another journalist with whom to share three-

room office, already leased, at

Kennedy Terrace. Your

2 share,

$1,2OO monthly. Call Los Angeles

Times, 5-250695.

*

*

OBE, lunched happily at the FCC last month. He has just retired as Executive General Manager and a

graduate from Melbourne and Yale Universities, he led many Australian

delegations to international conferences and was aviation

adviser to the Libyan and Tanzanian governments. At the Royal Aeronautical Society's annual lecture in London in 197 1 , he made the historic

proposal that Australian domestic

airlines should be permitted to

*

Nick Quin, the proud co-owner

of a quaint little pub called the John O'Gaunt, which nestles amid the

green of rural England for the benefit of thirsty wayfarers, has

pleasure in announcing that he has decided upon a name for the next public house 1o be purchased by this entrepreneur.

It is to be called THE OKULEY ARMS in memory of an

unforgettable accident and the pool table source from whence the funds are coming for said purchase.

develop regional services "suited to

the performance of aircraft in the domestic fleets" - a suggestion that may not remain dormant as Skytrain services develop. He is currently completing a book which

will be the definitive work on the

law and history of Australia's twoairline system.

Dr Poulton was escorted by one

of the FCC's transient addicts,

Ansett PR chief Ross Alexander,

and seemed to enjoy his beef spareribs and house-wine - "Aussie, of course," he noted. I

Something

to

look

getting bored.

isntt ust the

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O

Disaster struck the next morning on the way back to Beirut when ABC's chartered Lear jet crashed on takeoff. Four killed, no survivors.

BITUARY

DAVE JAYNE

- HEJ

KNEW ITALLAND ENJOYED IT By

Al Chambers

The last time I saw Dave Jayne the best a person could give it. was aboard the White House press How many nights there were in plane after President Ford's 1975 the Vietnam winding-down years China Trip. Bloody Mary's in hand that Dave and the rest of us stayed and crammed into the TWA charter, up, sequestered away in our editing we relaxed for the first time in a rooms trying to explain to our couple of weeks and reminisced respect¡ve New York offices what about that trip and some of the film we had and how it could be other exciting events and used. And then the time on the experiences we had shared as satellite at five-thirty in the television competitors in the morning, with Dave often showing previous couple of years. Naturally, his marvelous sense of humor and it wasn't long before a deck of cards good spirit while the feed was were out and matchsticks became delayed or the machines didn't poker chips. work properly. He knew how to do Dave had been the chief ABC it all and to enjoy what he was producer on that trip and had put doing. together some brilliant Dave's last story apparently was programming. Many of us remarked one of his best. Working with that his ABC team had not only Barbara Walters as correspondent, been competitive but had probably the team flew to Lebanon for an done the best work. interview with Yassir Arafat. For the He was the kind of man whom first time, the PLO leader said that people enjoyed working with or under certain conditions, he would even against - always fair in a recognize lsraeli sovereignty. With business not known for its fairness, news like that Dave rushed to the

always honest, sometimes

in

and always competitive in

a

situations where others were not, profession that so often demandeb

nearest satellite-feeding point, which was Amman, Jordan, and prqduced a lour-minute segment for ABC's evening news program.

Dave was only forty but

had

done so much and made so many friends. He'd circled the globe many times and played a key part in just about everything important that

ABC News had tried in

recent

years. High points ranged from the

exciting six weeks

in China

on

ABC's one-hour documentary, his job as ABC bureau qhief in Chicago just after leaving Hong Kong and what he was doing at the end as

senior producer on the evening news program in New York City. But for all the work, there was

also time for the family. Dave and his wife Betsy had many friends in Hong Kong and were active in all kinds of activities. When they

moved from here, he was vice

president of the FCC and involved

deeply in club activities.

The

Jaynes's four children spent the

formative years in Hong Kong. Somehow or other, even in the middle of Vietnam coverage, Dave found tíme for Little League. He was one those rare people who know what was important in life and enjoyed doing it all.

O Upon hearing news of Jayne's death, FCC president Tony Pad, on

assignment in Thailand, sent a cable to the dead newsman's widow expressing the club's condolences. The telegram read: "Friends colleagues

at Hongkong Foreign Correspondents CIub

deeply saddened to learn of David's passing stop He was a much liked

highly esteemed professional stop Our thoughts are with you."

I

THE GREAT SCOTT Like fellow comedian Les Dawson, when Les made his

celebrated lunchtime appearance at

the FCC last year, this year's visiting entertainer Terry Scott was in a delicate state of health.

"He's not been well," exPlained June Whitfield, Scott's 'TV wife"

and co-star in the Hilton Playhouse production A Bedful of Foreigners. "Hi's suffering from a very bad case of scotch," she added. Despite that, Scott, like Daw-

son, went on to prove that Britain's capacity for humour hasn't gone under like the pound. And he proved also that he's an undisputed master of the double

entendre and the lusty "Cor blimey!" vein of British comedy. From the moment he first stepped shakily to the mike, Scott went straight to the crux of his gag-style with an anecdote coupling one of his famous Carry

On films, Carry on Up the Khyber with a one-time operation for removal of infectious warts "in a very unmentionable place." From that point on the flayed the audience with below-belt punches sprinkled with gentle taps of witticism.

Psychiatry: A chap went to a psychiatrist and said'l'm very

worried, doc. lth¡nk l'm

a

(Cont. page I 2)

I


home in a terrible state. 'How could you do this to me?' he cries. 'How

schizophrenic.' The psychiatrist sa¡d

'Well sit down. That makes four of

could you be so blunt about it?

us."

Death: 'When they buried this notorious sex maniac, the inscription on his tombstone read He believed in sex after death. That's the only reason he went." Sex: "l now seem to be try¡ng to

Couldn't you spare my feelings instead of shocking me to the core like that?'

"'Well, pussy's dead, isn't she?'

"'But you could have been a bit more delÍcate about it. You could have sent a telegram saying something like Passy's on the roof and won't come down. Then a cou-

do all night what I used to do all night." Politics: "When Lord Stanstead

entered the Labour cabinet he changed his name to AnthonY

n he changn. Now that Sea Oil he's

- to Abu Sick humour: "This is a

Wedçwood-Benn."

thoroughly obnoxious joke. Sick. Honible. A chap's standing on a street corner selling matches. A

ple of days later you could

have

day's workl' "'l'm blind,' says the vendor.

"'Blind? How long have

Pussy passed away last n¡ght. And I wouldn't have ended up in a tizzlike

find a table with a full bottle of

could have sent a final one saying th is.'

"A year later, he goes off on

another holiday in Spain. Two days

THE GREAT

"'No. l've been totally blind since

the day I was born.'

"'l

rely a lot on my sense of smell

and touch.' "'You mean that if I buy a box of matches from you, you can tell exactly how much money I drop in your tray?' ,,,Yes,,

"'How much are they?' "'Two new pence.' "'Here, l'll buy a box. And now l'm dropping two coins into the

tray. Right?' "'Right.'

The man walks off. Then

he

turns, doubles back and says to the

blind vendor:

"'l don't

mean to upset you, but

I

think you should know that you're coloured."'

Homosexuality: "Two poofs sharing a flat, and one goes off for a holiday in pain. Before he goes, he

tells his friend 'Look after the flat while l'm away, and look after pussy

-

make sure she gets plenty

of food and water and a clean kitty litter every day.'

"He's away two days and

he

gets a telegram from hís friend say-

ing Pussyb dead. He rushes back

12

'Anything. Anything but this!"

witchodoctor explains the test.'You see that first hut thereT lnside you'll scotch on it. You have to drink the entire bottle straight down. lf you can do it, you live. lf you can't, you die. OK?'

"

'Alright.'

" 'Now, see that second hutT lnside that hut there's a cage with a huge lion in it. You have to go into that cage and overpower the lion and, with your bare hands, pull one of it's teeth out. lf you do it, you live. lf you don't, there won't be much left of you anyway. OK7' " 'l'll do anything.'

" 'Good,

Now see that last hut?

who has never been

The pro circuit: "l once appeared

at the

Walthamstowe Palace. a ghastly place, in a review called Goodnight Vienna. There was

"

lnside that hut there's a woman

SCOTT

lot,

haven't you.'

this?'

a

"Your mother's on the roof and won't come down."

a

"'How do you manage to sell matches if you're totally blind like

The

witchodoctor says 'You don't have to. Maybe you'd prefer to undergo

you could have sent one saying Pussy getting weaker. Then you

thingT'

(Audience laughs)

go this way. Not like this!'

"So they drag him out of the cooking pot and they point out three huts to him, and the

you

"'Well, you've missed a

appeals to him. 'Please don't let me

the tribal test.'

up there. Firemen on the way.fhen, after giving me time to get over that

been blind?' "'Since birth.'

"'You mean you can't see

"Then the tribal witchdoclor appears, and the missionary

sent another one saying Pussy still

man comes up and starts up- after he gets there, he receives braiding him for being a lazy telegram. lt says:

shiftless malingerer. 'Why don't you get a proper job and do a decent

ing pot and'start doing a wild dance

around him. He's sitting in there with the water getting hotter and hotter and his flesh getting softer by the minute and he thinks 'Oh. God. God! I can't go like th¡s. Not this way.'

an

old doorman there, the sort of bloke who comes with the props and has

it all come and go. I asked him: 'How do you think Goodnight VÍenna will go over in Walthamseen

stowe?' He thought a bit, then sniffed. 'About the same as Goodn¡ght Walthamstowe in Vienna."' Scott rounded off his perfor-

mance with a few comments about Hongkong's television program-

ming, which he referred to, amid general agreement, as "mediocre rubbish." Then he launched into a joke which he warned would "absolutely shock you." And it tended

sexually

satÍsfied. She's a tigress. A wild animal. No-one has ever been able

to conquer her. lf you can do it, you live. lf you can't, you go back in the cooking pot, OK?'

" "

'Alright.'

'Off you go. And good luck.' "The missionary bounds into the first hut, and the whole tribe is quiet as they wait to see what happens.

and after a couple of minutes

he

emerges waving the empty whiskey

bottle, and he rs

absolutely

smashed! He's staggering and falling all over tlie place. The tribe goes wild with excitement. "'OK,' he yells,'\y'ühere's that bloody lion?' "They guide him to the next hut and he topples in there, and then for the next five m¡nutes or so the whole hut shakes and resounds

to do just that. lt had the magic with horrible screaming and roaring word beginning with F and ending and tearing sounds. Finally, he with K every second word. Not staggers back out, and he's very many non-members had stood up nearly torn-to piecesl His clothes in front of the FCC and done that. are ripped to shreds, and he's Then he concluded with a final covered in cuts and gashes and story that brought the curtain and bruises. But he's alíve I the the house down. This is a condens- tribesmen go absolutely ape. He raises his torn arms weakly to ed version of it. "There's this missionary in acknowledge their cheers. " 'Alright!' he yells triumphantly. Africa, and the natives suddenly turn against him. as they often do.

and they throw him into a big cook-

'Now where's that frígging woman who wants her tooth out?" a


FOCUS HENRY'S

First of all, don't lísten! Hong Kong is the noisiest city in the

world. They are drilling for the subway, blasting for high rise buildings, radio and TV sets are going at full volume, mah jong tiles are clicking

away at all hours of the day

HINTS By Henry Singer

Dr Henry A Singer bounded into Hong Kong just over a year ago to take up a post as visiting professor of communication at Hong Kong Polytechnic. You should see him today. Or maybe you shouldn't. He

refuses

to talk to

anyone as he

staggers into the FCC leaning on a

white cane and unable to hear for the wads of cotton wool stuffed in his ears. He is anything

suffering from a form of shell shock known only to old Hong Kong hands. Luckily, he can still laugh

about

it - when

his throat clears

enough to make sounds.

question you ask any merchant,

shopkeeper or passerby, the first answer is usually, "What?" People in Hong Kong have become so hard

of hearing that most of them don't know the difference. lf you want to avoid this happening to you, get some ear plugs that filter out most of the background sounds.

Secondly, don't smell. The hairs in your nose are not strong enough to filter out the local dirt and grit. That is why Tiger Balm has been so successful. No one is quite sure of

its medicinal value, but rubbing some in your nostrils will help to thicken the filtering system of the

GEORGE OLIVETTI. UTOPIA DAILY CHRONTCLE, FORCOR, HONGKO.NG (DEC

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FOLLOWING

IMMEDIATE SWEEP

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Kowloon

and

night and the buses on every street squeal, grunt and groan. All these collective sounds have created a strange behavioral pattern among the res¡dents. No matter what

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nose hairs so less dirt gets through

help to keep the pollution from getting inside and infecting Your throat passages. Fourthly, if any of these techniques fail, you will have the Problem of locating a doctor or a dentist' This will be one of your greatest survival problems. Most practitioners in Hong Kong take Post graduate courses in preparing and Presentยกng bills to patients, This has

reached

a fine art and

manY

specialists hold informal seminars every saturday between races at

the Jockey Club, comparing

the

newest and most effective techniques of bill rendering. Check with a local resident and ask to see his

doctor or dentist bill. lf it has odd numbers such as $4Ol or $567 this is a clue that the man is a specialist in post graduate billing. The odd numbers at the end are to distract you from

the big numbers up front. The most

expensive are Chinese doctors with English sounding names or British doctors with three sets of letters

after their names. Either of these factors could account for doubling the bill. Fruit or jewelry: You may have noticed the proximity of the fruit stands to the jewelry shops in the

tourist areas. This is a devious trap.

Carrots or tangerinesT You will also

see that the price differential between the fruit and jewelry is

gettยกng closer and closer, This is to

throw you off guard. lf you're going to pay $25 for a piece of fruit, for a few dollars more you might as well get a piece of jade. Or it can work the other way too. lf one is going to pay $1OO for a piece of jade, you might as well get an apple for $1O. and enjoy it immediately.

Topless bars and C hinese medicine shops: Freud comes to Hong Kong. But it's a trap for the middle-aged man. The medicine

shops have a variety of dried homs and animal organs and every possi-

ble combination of Ginseng root. The prices range from $25 to

$25,0OO. This can become a bad head trip for the bull who thinks that there is a relatiortship between price and prowess. He may not get

what he's paying for at

the medicine shop, but he certainly is going to pay even more for what he doesn't get at the topless bars. Food: Hong Kong is a 24-hour

stomach with wall to wall

restaurants. Everything that crawls, walks, swims, flies or runs is fried,

steamed, pickled, broiled, peeled and barbecued.

There are tourist places that are very good and overpriced.There are some out of the way places that are

cheap but awful. Most eating places are somewhere in-between.

The best value in town are the buffet luncheons. You can eat a

delicious buffet at some of the best hotels in town for half the price of

half the food at dinner in

the

evening. The only trouble is that they won't let you use a doggy bag to take home the extras. So one has

the choice of one meal a day or getting into the competยกtion for

an

amah. Amahs are now intervยกewing families and will accept jobs only on

the size of the color TV and

the

scope of their benefits and payroll. Once you get past this hurdle there is the battle of the supermarkets. ln most cities supermarkets compete

T

and help to lower food prices. ln Hong Kong they compete to raise prices. So it comes down to a package deal between the luncheon

buffets and MacDonald's Hamburgers.

Gambling: Although there is a good deal of betting on the races and in mah jong games, the biggest

gambling casinos are called BANKS. They come from every country and in every shape and

almost on every block. They play by

very interesting rules since all the odds favor the house. For example.


vou mioht oet as much as

lVzo/o

in-

i"r".t ii vo-u olaced $5000 with a bank for ãne year. However, if You want to borrow the same amount from the same bank, it would cost you 10 times that amount in interest. Also, on every check You must DaY a stamp tax. lf l'm not mistalien, wasn't this how the American Revolution got startedT Anyway, everytime You cash a check there is another stamp tax' Anvtime vou trade one kind of mohev foi another there is also a commission. And if Your balance ever falls below a certain amount they charge a PenaltY along wìth the conventional charges for overdrafts, underdrafts and stop payments.

The best way to beat the money

in Hong Kong is to get a credit card. ln this way You can

game

charg daysl you h witho

'rtY bill PaY

ln-

terest, You may go to the company offices and pay in cash. This will cut

out the dealer and house cut on Transportation: fhis is the best

your ' money.

deal in iown and the deluxe buses

for $1 give the most value for

Your

money. Any place You can get to bY

a deluxe bus. take it

-

even

if

You

spend the night in Kwun Tong. , .

Whatever you do, try

to

avoid taking the double decker buses. These are 4O-year-old re-worked machines from London. Unless You

need the exercise or have a thirst for risk-taking, double decker buses can be hazardous to Your health' The drivers ride with their left foot on the brake and their right foot on

the accelerator. TheY break uP the monotony of their triPs bY raPidlY

accelerating when a passenger gets

on board.

They especially love the challenge of the EuroPean

oassenoer. There is a white line in [he fron-t of the bus and their goal is

Kowloon Hurlers is a man named

Wong. Back in 1975 he was able to

flip á

German passenger clear

a o

c)

È

Tel: 5-227335

oete for annual awards in these bames. You may notice on some of the buses there are little figures near the front door. This is the driver's record of hurled and tumbled passengers. Finally, after you have been here a few months, peoPle will be asking

you how you like Hong Kong' Be careful how you answer - it could affect your stay. lf it is a Chinese

and you give an unfavorable answer, he will think You are antiChinese. lf he is English, he will

? cLos

¡i

Íe

El8 E.o

': etg. ä5.f

:= q[F ;

ØoØ

æ

:.= .+ E dx

33E

:Ë BÊE = !

I

complementary and confusing enough to get you off the hook. I

3

--l

2

Ground Floor 6 Duddell St. Hong Kong

collector, the driver lurches the bus in such a way that you come tumbling down the stairs, Drivers com-

to see how far they can hurl You alonq the bus corridor. One of the mosi popular drivers with the

H I

Printing House,

As you can imagine, this

manoeuvre takes split second timing and is very rare. More common is the exercise when you try to

negotiate the stairs to the second floor. When you are half way up, and on a signal from the ticket

:

Tollorlng and ßeoÐ-madc clothlng

across the bus and out the back door before it had closed.

+o.

J= r-Þa ¡Ðlìì^

B ldg.

I =


"OK, dingbat -five bucks?" "ls the Pope a Catholic?"

With that, one of the greatest

shows on earth takes Place over the FCC's 18th floor pool table. lt's the

-Aku ley E nterta in m ent Sp ec ia I one hour, or maybe five, of slaPstick hilarity that puts the Three Stooges and Laurel and Hardy to shame and

teeters on the edge, then swoons into the pocket. Jim surveys the

RINSE

room with a broad sheet-eating

grin. "l'd like to explain that shot to you," he says. "But then we'd óotl¡ ve totally confused."

Qu in

makes one wonder whether Groucho Marx didn't secretlY come out of retirement and train these two clowns so that his talents would live for another generation' One also gains the distinct impression that the pool table was installed to boost the club's flagging entertainment facilities. No sooner had it appeared when chronic schizophrenia broke out amongst certain elements of the

Hugh Van Es is another much improved player. God knows how. His shooting style is so bizarre that you'd swear he had side-sights on

BLOOD

his cue, like a recoilless rifle. He doesn't position himself over the

cue, sighting down the top edge of

the shaft like a normal human

being. He holds the thing at arm's length at a 4S-degree angle to his body as though he's trying to hoôk Jim Miller's stunned snake off the table. He crouches down so that his eye is about level with the side of

the stick, and then somebody jokingly says: "Fire one!" And

membership. Nice guys who were noted for their geniality and sense of reason suddenly started flexing their muscles and curling their lips like Paul Newman and trying to

Blam!

one of the - a ball interdicts pockets. Enemy position is completely neutralised. "You assholes aint seen nuttin

yet," Hugh subtly reminds his troops as he checks out the

hustle other ex-nice guys for

anything ranging from five bucks corner to $ 1 0O on the eight ball.

a

"Break his goddam fingers for that" and "How would you like this pool cue rammed rightupya !" were uttered by gentlemen to whom the

coordinates for his next H & E. Admen Ken Kiernan and Richard Hawson appear regularly as a standup duo, with Ken playing rhe straight-man, sweating euietly over every careful shot, and Dick providing the gags and generally chopping years off his partner's life.

broke out. Pool cues ended

shot, and

Charming little ph.rases like

8v DEREK MAITIAND

very thought of an injured doggie was previously enough to set them weeping quietly in the toilet. Fights

Dick's favourite gag is his SOFB it goes something like

uP

this.

looking as though they'd been used

to unclog a number of

blocked

drains. For several weeks it was the cue

ball that did most of the work

-

scuttling with monotonous regularity down the hole like a rabbit down a burrow. Some matches were played in reverse,

starting with the cue ball and black and ending up with a// balls on the table. On many occasions the white fled the table altogether and ended up on the floor. Then a couÞle of real pool sharks sidled into the game, and from that point on the general standard of

play improved out of sight

and

things began to get deadly serious.

But fortunately, in this

phase

of professional

current

earnestness,

humour still reigns on the 18th floor

and there are precious moments of

manic despair summed up every now and then by Jim Miller when he bustles his way down on to the table, chalks his cue and yells:

"John Henry - put that goddam wheelbarrow down. You don't

know nuthin' about machinery !" Miller is well up in the running as 16

most improved player of the year. When he first stalked the table six months ago you could tell he'd let his game lapse for a number of

years, his life sidetracked

by

mundane things like making a living and raising a family. He'd line the cue ball up on a two-foot shot at a stripe nestled against the cushion within inches of a corner pocket and blast at it like a howitzer. For a

few moments, the whole table would look something a pinball machine - balls flying everywhere, lights flashing, bells ringing - and Jim would shake his head and

declare: "Not enough chalk on the goddam cue." Nowadays, Jim addresses the same sort of shot - a two-foot thing requiring restraint and finesse - and lays into it like a Tennessee farmer at a cornered snake. And the same thing happens - balls spinning and rocketing all over the place. And at

the end of all the mayhem an incredible thing happens - the stripe rolls wearily toward a hole,

KEN: "Richard, why don't you trickle the four off the seven and

into the corner pocket." DICK: "Ken, why don't I double the four into the side?" KEN: "OK, Richard - if you think that's a fair thing." Dick doubles the four into the side pocket.

KEN: "That's my partner! Look

at him go! Now slice that

seven

into the corner there."

DICK: "Why don't I put that two

away first?"

KEN' "OK, put the two away

rst." Dick puts the two away into the bottom corner. "KEN: "What a player! What a champ I Now slice that seven." DICK: "OK, I'll slice the seven." KEN:"Good boy." Dick slams the cue ball at the seven. He is pleasedw¡ththe result. "What a shot! Did you see that?"

fi

KEN: "Er, Dick - what comes after seven?" DICK: "Eight." KEN: "That's what you just sank, Dick."


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"

Dick bawls, hurling his cue at the wall and throwing himself headlong on the floor.

Vernon Yates

is also a

skilled

eight-ball potter, sometimes potting long before the rest of his balls are down. He also plays some fine games with not so much as a smile on his face as he quietly demolishes the table amid the tears, temper tantrums and heckling of the rest of

it

you spent most of your childhood."

Then there are the moments

when the serious set are locked in

combat over the table, qvith money riding on the game, and someone has cut a vital shot too fine and is slumping over the cushion in a state of near-suicidal anguish, and the doors are flung open and in blows Fast Eddie Tseng, the Taiwan Typhoon.

"What a stupid shot,"

Eddie

the crowd. There's another hard

declares cheerily, and for a moment

sharks guaranteed to play pool the way its supposed to be played. Like the quiet Scot, Andy Sloane, and Les Leston, Mike Holbeche, Keith Jackson, Frank Beatty, Malcolm Surry, newcomer Alastair Sutherland, Reverend Don Ronk, the Aussie battler Steve Eddy - and Barry Kalb, who's as skilled at pool as he is at virtually everything that involves parting suckers from their money, and who plays a particularly vicious game of 5O-point straight pool the way .Newman played it in that damn movie that started this entire caper. Kalb plays so well that he's often heard to say tliings like: "The trouble with pool is that

fluffed it is going to beat Eddie to death with his cue. "How'd you miss a simple shot

core of dispassionate hustlers and

people immediately know where

it looks as though the guy

who

like that?"

Other players tear the broken

man away from Eddie's throat, and as they lead him off to a quiet corner Eddie starts coaching from the sidelines. "Don't waste your time on that shot - go for the fifteen."

"Shut up, Eddie." "Look at that three sitting there. Boy, any dingbat could get that." "Eddie, shut up."

"l told you that

three wouldn't

go. Boy, did you blow the whole

game with that shot !"

As another would-be homicidal

maniac is led away, Fast Eddie gets on the table. And one immediately marvels at the amazing adaptability of the Chinese. Eddie has not only mastered American pool, he's also transformed it into a blend of Peking Opera and revolutionary ballet in which he's both the male lead and prima donna.

Watch him as he positions himself for his shot. lt's pure poetry in motion. He studies the table, then he rises gracefully up on to his points, then sinks slowly down until his eyes are about in line with the lip of the table. His delicate arm and wrist movements have been known to reduce hardened ballet-lovers to

tears and trigger applause from

thunderous

the nearby yantze

tables.

His shot and follow-through are

timed so perfectly that observers speak of him in terms normally

reserved for the great Nureyev. Having amazed everyone with his

finesse, he then renders them absolutely breathless by sweeping down the table, executing a blurring

pírouette, then a twinkling pas de deux, lhen up on points again for his next movement.

He's shooting stripes,

He's

already sunk four of them, running

the table. He lines up on his fifth stripe, lining the stripe up on the cue ball. Unorthodox, to say the least - but that's Fast Eddie. His partner is fascinated.

I

The Srnootlrer Moven lets ycrl¡ cln¡cty yctt.l'trtove. We know fnorn 32 yeans of expenience that mov¡ng doesntt lìâve to be a ckìaotic t¡usiness. We'll come to youF horne and give you a real¡BÈ¡c quoÈat¡on, and if you'r'e satisfied with Èhat we'll expertly pack and containerise youF poseessions and insune Èhern ¡f you wistr. We'll pnovidc! you wiÈlr experienced service...anywlT ere in door-to-door Èl-ìe world. Call Jol-rn Moore at 5-714?37 catch lì¡ñr aÈ the Fcc... for that srnooÈher trlctve.

or'

t

"Uh, Eddie. .." "Shut up. l'm concentrating."

I

i

"ButEddie..." "Don't bother me. Just watch

the corner pocket." Another perfect

shot. The

audience

goes

unashamedly wild with joy. Eddie turns and bows and raises his slim

arms into

a rainstorm of

crimson

roses.

"Eddie!" his partner screeches. "You sank the goddam cue ball off the stripe ! What the hell's-a-matterwith-you !" Eddie is stunned. "YOU

DOGGGGGGG!

Why didn't

you

warn me?" "You told me to shut up!"

And so on. One day there'll inevitably be the long-threatened FCC Pool Championship, at which normal decent peace-loving club members will be able to watch these delinquents carve each other up at

first hand. Meantime, there's always the Auin-Okuley Entertainment Special - if you've got four or five hours free to watch complete insanity. I


TtA/hy

in the world do so many travelers like the Reader's Digest?

Probably because we're so easy to read. In light installments. An article or two at a time. \Me're lots of fun, too. Our pages are peppered with humor. With many articles about the exciting cities and countries of the world. The Digest is an international magazine. That's why we appeal to internàtional travelers. Digest is also handy to carry. To read at airports, aboard jetliners, in hotel rooms. And, at home. If you're looking for travelers, just look at who's reading the Reader's Digest. Reader's Digest is the best-selling magazine at Asian newsstands (where travelers pick up their reading material).

Bought at Newsstands Reader's Digest As¡a Edition

Time

Newsweek

Philippines 27,576 7,333 6,800 Malaysia 9,2N 2,717 2,1û Korea 9,612 4,478 1,948 lndonesia 10,40 5,520 5,000 Pakistan 4,500 3,650 2,Vs Singapore 4,560 2,392 2,2û Taiwan 965 1,116 Zffi Thailand 2,200 1,616 1,700 Japan 4,000 5,634 7,001 Hong Kong/Macau 2,050 2,291 1,951 Sri Lanka 1,600 558 200 TOTAL: 78,m 37,1il C1,061 Source: ABC Analysis of Paid Circulatron Reader's Digest, Dec 1976 issue Time, July '19, 1976 issue

Nemweek, Oct 25, 1976 issue

RBff.{?

is good for business. Yor¡rs.

19


The Art of Commtrnication Hong Kong has been in the communications business for over 1 50 years. The art of communication is a Chinese tradition and today the Fortune Teller, with his little bird picking out your fortune, works in sight of the towering office blocks where busi nessmen commu nicate with

the rest of the world through Cable and Wireless. Multi-national companies use telephone, telegraph, telex, leased circuits and television to keep in contact with their i nternational offices. The most distant office is now only a telephone number away. Efficient commu nication

has made Hong Kong one of the world's largest business centres and nucleus of the East. The Cable and Wireless Group of Companies know

efficient communication means eff icĂŹent business, that's what Cable and Wireless is all about.

@-ccllrle&wireless communlcatlon systems

&

servlces

New Mercury House. 22 Fenwick Street, Hong Kong. Telephone: 5-2831 11.

f e|t-x'.73240

The Correspondent, Vol 2 No.7 1977  
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