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DECEMBER 5, 2011

Home Quarter Farm Life POSTCARDS FROM THE PRAIRIES

We all do ridiculously stupid things sometimes… Just never forget how to apologize JANITA VAN DE VELDE

have a statue. It’s a regal woman who stands about five feet tall, and she’s holding what appears to be a horn of plenty. That, or she’s fondling her left breast, I’m not entirely certain. At any rate, when I placed her out in our front yard last year, the neighbours in our bay started a pool on how long she would last. I didn’t see the problem but they were like, “Don’t you remember what it was like to be a teenager? That thing will be smashed by a hormonal, pimply faced, angry person inside a month. It’s a perfect double-dog dare. You’ll see.” Well, I chose to stick to my guns and hoped for the best, but secretly I feared for the sultry woman’s life. And so the days passed. Months. Every morning on the way to work we’d back out of the driveway, and there she’d be, standing erect, proud, and protecting our front yard. At one point she did get kidnapped and held hostage by the rugby team, although they returned her alive (well, not really) and unharmed. Apparently she was a hot-ticket item and scored big points for their scavenger hunt. But for the most part, she was left alone. That is until this past summer. I was wandering around the house in early August, gearing up to do some housework, when mercifully the phone rang thus distracting me from doing anything useful. As I was chatting with my sister on the phone, I happened to look out my front door just as two girls were approaching my statue, giggling, whispering, elbowing each other as if to say, “You do it. No, you do it!” I almost knew it was going to happen before it did. And then it came — an arm shot out and shoved my lady, and she went ass over horn of plenty into the shrubs. I don’t remember

hanging up on my sister, but I did. I went flying out of my house wearing a bright-purple dress with a large patch over the top of my chest, covering the stitches from a mole I recently had removed. In hindsight, it may have looked as though I had just got home from heart surgery. Needless to say, whether it was from my outfit or me trumpeting at the top of my lungs, I must have looked completely bat shit. The girls jumped 10 feet in the air and took off like their pants were on fire. I shouted out after them, “Hey, I saw that girrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrls!” I wanted them to know that I had witnessed the whole thing unfold and that I could easily identify them. Sort of. When relaying the details of said event later that evening to my husband and sister, I said they had to be teenagers, close to six feet tall if they were an inch. In all likelihood, gang members with sleeve tattoos. I rather shamelessly admitted that what I had done was extremely dangerous and brave, and should not be attempted by the average person. In my mind’s eye, I was a smalltown hero, avenging neighbourhood crime and statue bullying. I boldly declared, “Now, one of two things will happen. Either my statue never gets harassed again, or by tomorrow morning, it’ll be smashed to smithereens. Either way, I’ll be here waiting.” By this point in the story, I could see I was dangerously close to losing my audience so I was about to make minor adjustments to the story to amplify my heroic behaviour, when something caught my eye. There was a letter hanging out of my mailbox. My inner detective lunged outside and greedily opened what appeared to be a handwritten note. Here’s what it said: ”Dear Nabors, I am so sorry about what happind. It was my friend. And she is very sorry. I will never do it agine. And I know it was very very worg. Ps. To know me better hear is a picher of me” (to protect said juvenile, I’ve withheld her name and her picture)

Now at first glance at the spelling, I thought perhaps one of my brothers was in town — upon closer inspection however, I realized the punctuation was far too advanced. My sister took one look at the letter, then the photo, then looked at me and declared, “So really, what you’re trying to say is that you spend a large portion of your day terrorizing small, adorable children. Nice.” I snatched the letter back and stared at the photo. What a clever child she was, attaching a picture of herself most likely taken years ago when she was still young, dewy and innocent looking. Point to you, Miss Petty Crime. For some reason, this whole incident reminded me of a letter my mom recently found. While going through old boxes containing report cards and other school crap, she came across two letters written to her, one from me when I was eight years old and one from my sister, who would have been five at the time. My mom had been in the hospital for a bit so my note went something like this: “Dear Mom, I hope you are having fun in the hospitle. We are havng fun. I helped Dad do dishes. Dad took us bowlng. I did not win. We miss you. Come home son.”

NOW FOR MY SISTER’S LETTER: “Dear Mom, I hope you are having fun in the hospitle. I am havng fun two. I helped Dad do dishes two. Dad took me bowlng two. Janita did not win. She got mad. We miss you. Come home son. P.S. I love Jesus.” The little goober had pretty much copied my letter word for word, and then to add insult to injury, added in the clinching postal script, P.S. I love Jesus. What kind of five-year-old does that? It was sheer brilliance on her part, one-upping me with a near-perfect God-fearing statement that put her right up there with the Big Guy. It also made her look more spiritual than me, hence depositing her as rightful owner of the favourite child

The handwritten note. badge. Not that her competition for that has ever been fierce. What did I learn from all this? That it’s not about being perfect. It’s about being a big enough person to apologize to someone when you’ve done something wrong or hurt their feelings. That little girl who tormented my statue got it right. I wish I could meet her, give her a great big hug, thank her for the laugh, and tell her parents that they’re raising her right. I would also tell the clever little kitten that I totally got a kick out of how she dropped her friend under the bus while apologizing. But hey, I enjoy that sort of humour. And remember, if you can’t imagine apologizing to someone face to face, then drop a letter in their mailbox. Hell, attach a photo of yourself from high school to really throw down the charm... who can get mad at a mullet wracked by a Toni

Home Permanent? If it’s a particularly heinous crime, then don’t be afraid to throw in a “P.S. I love Jesus.” After all, he’ll be making the final call so best to have him on your side all the way. As for me, I’ll be writing a few apology notes myself, although I plan on attaching my sister’s photo to all the letters. No sense in being a damn fool about it. Merry Christmas friends, and may 2012 bless you big. † Janita Van de Velde grew up on a farm near Mariapolis, Man. She holds a bachelor of science degree in agricultural economics from the University of Manitoba, and has worked for a financial institution since graduating. She lives in Regina, Sask., with her husband Roddy and their children Jack, Isla and James. Her first novel, Postcards Never Written, was the recipient of the Saskatchewan Reader’s Choice Award and also listed by CBC as one of the top funny books in 2009. She donates a portion of proceeds from the sale of her book to World Vision to help those less fortunate. For more information, or to order her book, visit her website at www.janita.ca

Healthy, inexpensive meals NDSU AGRICULTURE COMMUNICATION

“

e eat an excess of empty calories but lack real nutrition to keep us healthy,” says Megan Ness co-ordinator of the North Dakota State University Extension Service’s Expanded Food and Nutrition Education and Family Nutrition programs. Plus, the rising cost of food can put a strain on families’ budgets, according to Debra Pankow, NDSU Extension family economics specialist. But that doesn’t mean eating nutritious food necessarily is more expensive.

“Tried-and-true food shopping techniques such as using coupons, planning meals and shopping with a list are more important than ever for those wishing to stretch their food dollar,” Pankow says. Here are some tips from the NDSU Extension Service on making quick, healthful meals without breaking the budget: • Check the weekly grocery store ads and plan menus around what’s on sale. • Make a grocery list to cut down on your trips to the store. That can save time and money, and help you avoid impulse buying. Remember to check what you already have at home.

• Limit your shopping to one or two stores. Driving to several stores for special deals can waste time and gas. • Use coupons only to purchase foods you were planning to buy anyway. • Compare store and national brands. Most store brands are similar in quality to name brands but cost less. • Compare prices using “unit prices.” The unit pricing on the front edge of the shelf shows you whether the regular-priced super-sized package is a better deal than the sale-priced regularsize package. Be sure to look up and down the grocery shelves.

Sometimes the higher-priced items are at eye level. • Aim for serving a variety of foods from all of the food groups: grains, fruits, vegetables, dairy and protein foods. • Buy fruits and vegetables that are in season. If buying canned produce, choose fruits without added sugar or syrup and vegetables without added salt, butter or cream sauces. • Tu r n l e f t o v e r s i n t o “planned-overs.” For example, if you had whole roasted chicken one night, shred what’s left, add mayonnaise and chopped celery and use it for sandwiches. Or use leftover spaghetti sauce

to make lasagna or homemade pizza, or freeze it for a quick dinner later. • Find a block of time when you can make a few recipes at once and then freeze them to use later. • Create healthful snacks at home. • Don’t use a credit card to pay for groceries unless you plan to pay off your bill each month. Otherwise, you may be adding interest charges to the cost of the food. † For more information on making nutritious meals and stretching your food dollar, visit http://www.ag.ndsu.edu/eatsmart and http:// www.ag.ndsu.edu/foodwise