OCTOBER 21, 2013
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Home Quarter Farm Life SEEDS OF ENCOURAGEMENT
Tools for in-law relationships Learn about each other’s values and differences in order to be more accepting ELAINE FROESE
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here seems to be a few fall weddings on our calendar this year, and I hope this column finds you wrapping up your harvest. I’ve been spending non-combine days writing my next book Farming’s In Law Factor, and would like you as readers to give me feedback on these tools we (Dr. Megan McKenzie and I) are developing. As parents, welcoming a new bride to the farm, or relating to a well-acquainted DIL, take a look at these questions and compare the answers with your spouse. Tool for the founding generation to better relate to daughterin-law (DIL): • What new insights or outlooks has our DIL brought to our family? And brought to our farm? • What do I most appreciate about our DIL? What conscious things do we do to embrace our DIL and make her feel loved and accepted? • What strengths does she offer to our farm team? • What has she taught me? • How has our DIL shone the light on some of our unwritten family rules or norms? • How has our DIL made our son’s life better? • What do we need to forgive or let go of to make our relationship with our DIL stronger? • What fears has our DIL helped us to overcome?
• Three ways that we can show more care for our DIL are to: 1. 2. 3. • If I held nothing back, I would tell my DIL... • What sacrifices have we made for the next generation? Tool for the next generation to better relate to mother-in-law (MIL): • What do I most appreciate about my MIL? What conscious things do I do to embrace my MIL and make her feel loved and accepted? • Three ways that I can show more care for my MIL are to: 1. 2. 3. • What has she taught me? • What sacrifices have your in-laws made for you and your spouse? • How has your MIL been a role model for you? You can repeat the questions for sons-in-law (SIL) and fathers-in-law (FIL). As we have been researching, there is very little written about inlaw relationship building on family farms. Therefore, we are striving to develop practical tools to help families learn about their values and differences, in order to be more accepting and gracious with each other’s strengths and intentions. Try this chart out and let us know what you think. It is adapted from work in Australia by Mick Faulkner’s Agrilink Agricultural Consultants, whom I had the pleasure of working with in August.
VERY PLEASED
POINTS OF CONCERN
PLEASED
MOSTLY SATISFIED
MIXED
MOSTLY DISSATISFIED
UNHAPPY
VERY UNHAPPY
1. I feel accepted by my in-laws. 2. I’m able to try new things on the farm. 3. There are clear expectations of me. 4. We work well to make decisions as a family and I feel my voice is heard. 5. The level of criticism in the business is OK. 6. I feel that what I do on the farm is valued. 7. I feel my investment of labour is turning into equity and/or fair compensation. 8. Another important issue for me is:
How happy are you with your farm in-laws? And they with you? This is a tool for self-reflection and awareness, or you can share it with the farm team to better understand their happiness factors. If in any of these points of concern you are dissatisfied or unhappy, your farm is functioning below potential. 1. If one or more in-laws feels they are not accepted by their in-laws, this could show a lack of respect or closure of the gate to kinship and being fully included as part of the family. 2. If someone is not able to try new things on the farm, this could be resistance to change, and/or a power imbalance between family members and farm managers. 3. If expectations are unclear this may be a sign of role confusion, unrealistic expectations and
poor communication flooded with assumption. 4. Good decision-making allows for all voices to be heard. A lack of this may show a power struggle, or poor communication habits. It could be that the “women are to be kept out of business” in some families. Not having a voice can also be a sign of pure disrespect. 5. If a farm family is critical and judgmental it nurtures destructive behaviour and negative workplace culture. 6. Lack of appreciation is a huge stumbling block to business success. This is particularly so for the generation Y group (born after 1980) who expects more feedback than previous generations do. 7. Financial reward is important for survival and recognition. The goal for most adult children successors or business partners is to
become owners, and be fairly compensated for their sweat equity and labour. Please share your results with me and I’ll send you a free e-copy of my current book Do the Tough Things Right. If you would like a complimentary coaching call, go to www.elainefroese.com/contact and share your request. My fax is 204-534-3222. I am now a mother-in-law (MIL) with a wonderful DIL who is studying hard to become a nurse. Each season of our lives brings new challenges and opportunities. Let us all work together towards more harmonious relationships to strengthen our farm teams. † Elaine Froese, CAFA, CHCoach writes from her seed farm in Boissevain, Manitoba. Book her for your winter agricultural conference; she’s the thought leader your farmers need to hear. Visit www.elainefroese.com or call 1-866-848-8311 for coaching.
Bird Lovers Bed and Breakfast Retired farming couple enjoys running B and B BY EDNA MANNING
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fter their children left home about 15 years ago, Judith and her husband Glenn Annand adapted their farm home to accommodate a bed and breakfast. Located near Mossbank, Saskatchewan their operation, Bird Lovers Bed and Breakfast, was ideal for American hunters who came in the fall. “We had the facilities on the farm for them to house their dogs and clean and store their birds,” Judith Annand said. Two years ago when they retired from farming, they located property north of Outlook overlooking the South Saskatchewan River with a bed and breakfast business in mind. “We decided to design it so it could be used as a bed and breakfast, or if another family takes over, it would be suitable as a family home as well,” she said. The couple designed the new bed and breakfast as modern, high-end accommodation with guests’ comfort and preferences in mind. Private guest entrances mean visitors can come and go as they please. Two bedrooms, two bathrooms plus a Murphy bed can
accommodate a family or two separate groups. A self-serve breakfast bar includes dry cereal as well as coffee, yogurt, fruit, cheese and whole grain bread. “We have such a terrific view here, and there are lots of things to do for families or individuals. There’s the old CPR Railway Bridge, called the Skytrail, across the river that’s been converted into a wooden walkway. The Skytrail is Canada’s longest pedestrian bridge, sprawling 3,000 feet across and 150 feet above the South Saskatchewan River,” said Annand. Nearby parks include the Danielson Provincial Park and the Outlook and District Regional Park. “There is also a nine-hole golf course close by, which is one reason we chose this spot for our bed and breakfast. Also, we’re only an hour from Saskatoon and the Dakota Dunes Casino is on the route,” she said. Outlook has a heritage museum, an art gallery, a recreation complex, and numerous health-care services and facilities. The Annands continued with the name Bird Lovers Bed and Breakfast, although with a slightly different
fit. “We’re not set up for hunters now, but for birdwatchers it’s great. We have ospreys that nest close by; we have all the raptor birds as they migrate, as well as ducks, geese, owls and sandhill cranes. “We’ve met so many terrific people over the years,” Annand says. “One of my favourites was a publisher who came several times from New York. Sometimes he’d bring Richard Ford, a Pulitzer prizewinning author. Last year we had two couples from the U.S. who were with a group of about 25 jiggers, the little two-man railway cars. The group organized trips for the jiggers on abandoned railway lines,” she said. Annand hopes they can provide a getaway for people who just want to experience a bit of rest and relaxation at a quiet location away from the city. “Operating a bed and breakfast is something my husband and I have enjoyed doing together a long time. It fits with our retirement plans.” For more information, phone Judith Annand at (306) 867-9669, email judithannand@yahoo.ca or visit www.birdloversbandb.ca. † Edna Manning writes from Saskatoon, Sask.
PHOTOS: EDNA MANNING
Top: The bed and breakfast was designed with guests’ comforts in mind. Bottom: Judith Annand in the kitchen of her bed and breakfast.