FW's Newsletters 2006

FW’S FW’SARCHIVES NEWSLETTERS – NEWSLETTERS - JANUARY 2006 2006 Copyright Copyright William WilliamR. R.Idol Idol 2005 2005

JAN

(2-7) FW – READER FEEDBACK – CHOOSING HAPPINESS: LIFE & SOUL ESSENTIALS – THE SCIENCE OF POSITIVE FEELINGS – BUILD THIRD AGE COACHING INTO YOUR BUSINESS – LINKS

FEB

(8-14) FW – “THE DWINDLES” – “TEND AND BEFRIEND” – ADULT NOT THE HIGHEST STAGE OF DEVELOPMENT – “WHAT'S NEXT” AS YOU ANTICIPATE RETIREMENT? – CPSI APPEAL – LINKS

MAR

(15-21) FW – FROM “THE DWINDLES” TO “BARE TREES” – ELDER WISDOM CIRCLE – THE GUEST HOUSE – JUNG, INDIVIDUATION & THIRD AGE – LINKS

APR

(22-26) FW – INTERVIEW WITH BILL SADLER, AUTHOR OF "THE 3RD AGE" – A SPIRAL EXPLORATION FOR “WOMEN OF A CERTAIN AGE” – CHANGING LIFE OPTIONS: THE RICHES OF 3RD AGE – LINKS

MAY

(27-40) FW – NOTES ON THIS NEWSLETTER – “FREUD AND THE FUNDAMENTALIST URGE” – “THE SELF: A UNIFYING CENTER” – “THE ENNEAGRAM & SPIRITUALITY” – LINKS

JUN

(41-46) FW – NOTES ON THIS NEWSLETTER – CONFESSIONS OF AN ELDERWOMAN – THAT PRECIOUS, PATIENT MAN – THIS MONTH'S LINKS

JUL

(47-53) FW – A PARABLE OF PART AND WHOLE – WE’RE ALL PRODUCTS OF THE SAME ANCIENT FORCES – WONDER WOMEN – “A RIOTOUS MIX” – EVENT: THE LEADER’S NEXT JOURNEY – LINKS

AUG (54- 59)

FW – WHY AM I DOING WHAT I’M DOING? – THE LEADER’S NEXT JOURNEY – CHOOSING CONSCIOUS ELDERHOOD – SKOAL: THE BENEFITS OF DRINKING – LINKS

SEP

(60-66) FW – BUILD A LIFE PORTFOLIO – WOMEN OF A CERTAIN AGE – WHO AM I ANYWAY? AM I MY RÉSUMÉ? – HOW NOT TO FAIL RETIREMENT – EGO, ESSENCE & 3RD AGE – LINKS

OCT

(67-73) FW – PARADOX, CONTEMPLATION & BEING – A CAR SALESMAN YOU CAN TRUST – ENTERING OUR THIRD AGE – LIVE LONG? DIE YOUNG? ANSWER ISN'T JUST IN GENES – LINKS

NOV

(74-83) FW – OPENING UP LIFE IN THE 2ND HALF – DON'T MESS WITH GRANDMA! – OLD BUT NOT FRAIL: A MATTER OF HEART AND HEAD – RETHINKING RETIREMENT: CHOOSING TO WORK – LINKS

DEC

(84-89) FW – 3RD AGE COACHING TELECLASS – VIDEO GAME TEACHES MATURITY – NINTENDO COURTS THE GRAY GAMER AT AARP – ELDERS USE REALITY TV TO IMPROVE POLITICAL – LINKS

1

FW’S NEWSLETTERS - JANUARY 2006 Copyright William R. Idol 2005

=========================================================== THE CENTER FOR THIRD AGE NEWSLETTER - JANUARY 2006 1.

2.

3.

4.

5.

6.

FATHER WILLIAM’S MUSINGS FOR JANUARY READER FEEDBACK: CUT QUANTITY AND KEEP RICHNESS CHOOSING HAPPINESS: LIFE & SOUL ESSENTIALS THE SCIENCE OF POSITIVE FEELINGS BUILD THIRD AGE COACHING INTO YOUR BUSINESS THIS MONTH'S LINKS

=========================================================== JANUARY'S QUOTE – MARJORIE WILLIAM’S "THE VELVETEEN RABBIT” Becoming real "…doesn't happen all at once," said the Skin Horse. "You become. It takes a long time. That's why it doesn't happen to people who break easily, or have sharp edges or who have to be kept carefully. Generally, by the time you are Real, most of your hair has been loved off, and your eyes drop out and you get loose in the joints and very shabby.

But those things don't matter at all, because once you are real you can't be ugly, except to people who don't understand…" http://digital.library.upenn.edu/women/williams/rabbit/rabbit.html =========================================================== 1. FATHER WILLIAM’S MUSINGS FOR JANUARY The space between the ending of the old year and beginning of the new is a natural time for reflection, and that's how this I've spent much of the past week.

A gift from my daughter, Susan, considerably deepened this process. It's a little book called "The Velveteen Principles” (see LINKS) that uses a beloved children's story to remind us of what's truly important – becoming real.

This is especially relevant to this Third Age of ours.

One of my ways of reflecting is keeping a daily journal.

I re-read some entries from a month ago, and they were filled with appreciation for the beautiful aspects of this life.

That's how I'm feeling in 2005's fading twilight, and, while it may sound strange, I am most grateful for being able to feel such depths of gratitude.

I wasn't always able to do this, but Third Age has opened doors that were closed to me earlier. During my 2

FW’S NEWSLETTERS - JANUARY 2006 Copyright William R. Idol 2005

recent reflections, a truth I realized years ago (at least intellectually) came back to me: MY QUALITY OF LIFE AND HOW I FEEL ARE THE SAME. It doesn't matter what the external circumstances are around me; all that matters is how I feel - my internal experience.

From some perspectives, this can sound very selfish and might lead one into the error of hedonism.

I confess I made that error for a while in the 70’s when I used Janis Joplin’s lyrics "Get it while you can" and "You know you've got it if it makes you feel good” as pleasure measurement criteria.

But at 67 I am a bit older and wiser. Those "Get it" and "got it" phrases focused me outward on the physical, sensual world, not on the internal possibilities. While that may be appropriate for Second Age’s emphasis on tangible achievements, it’s a passing thing (like puberty) we don’t want to overdo.

Now I understand my quality of life is about learning to choose how I feel - how to create my own world of feeling - no matter what seems to be happening on the physical plane around me.

This, of course, is what the wise ones of all traditions (including Gandalf, Yoda and Dumbledore) have been offering for millennia, and I've known it intellectually for decades.

But "talking the talk" and "walking the walk" are two vastly different things Now I'm able to "walk the walk" with greater and greater frequency and consistency. That's because I've reached an age where the seductive sensuality of the physical (whether in the forms of sex, drugs and rock-androll or security, belonging and status) has become largely irrelevant. I recognize that many see the great sin of Third Age as being "inactivity."

Not me. As I relax more and more into what I always considered “the ordinary," I find worlds I never knew existed.

What is this "relaxing into the ordinary" all about? What it's not about is SIGNIFICANCE, and that's what I've been addicted to seeking ever since I can remember.

Whether it took the form of being fourth-grade class president or football star or the coolest teacher or the most sought-after consultant, etc., the addiction was always to the opinions and measures of the external world. What endless work that was! No matter how far along I got, there was always someone or something more SIGNIFICANT, and I had further to go. Even my attempts at escape from this trap were corrupted.

If the attempt was meditation, I wanted to be the BEST meditator.

If it was saving the world, I wanted to be the most SIGNIFICANT world-saver. If it was being spiritual, I wanted to be the MOST spiritual.

3

FW’S NEWSLETTERS - JANUARY 2006 Copyright William R. Idol 2005

"Relaxing into the ordinary" simply doesn't care about being BEST, SIGNIFICANT or MOST anything. "Relaxing into the ordinary" means, as clearly as I can see it, knowing I am only a tiny, tiny element of this magnificent and incomprehensible universe - and reveling in the parts I get to touch.

One of my images for this comes from The Godfather, Part 1.

As the Don, Marlon Brando has been painfully addicted to SIGNIFICANCE for way too long. When he finally escapes, it is as an old man who has withdrawn from the world of power. We see him sitting in his tomato garden watching his grandson delight in running among the plants. There is no other scene in the movie where he is as happy and fulfilled - and, at that moment, he is not at all SIGNIFICANT in Second Age terms.

I hope these musings are of help to you as you find your way in this mysterious Third Age terrain.

If you have experiences you’d like to share, please send them to FatherWilliam@ThirdAgeCenter.com.

For additional thoughts of mine on making this shift from outer to inner: http://www.thirdagecenter.com/J03%20Outer%20to%20Inner.pdf =========================================================== 2. READER FEEDBACK: CUT QUANTITY & KEEP RICHNESS I want to thank all of you who sent in feedback about the newsletter.

Here's a sample: “I find the newsletter a valuable addition to my reading list…”

“Packs a lot of wisdom in a small space…”

“Interesting newsletter for December - as usual. chew on…”

Always something to

“I value and anticipate your monthly musings…”

And then there was this one: “I never thought I'd hear myself say it, but as for feedback to your newsletter, I need my information in shorter bites. It is too much for me to read, absorb, integrate, share, find relevant in a busy, challenging life.

4

FW’S NEWSLETTERS - JANUARY 2006 Copyright William R. Idol 2005

“If your audience is elders, no matter what others may think about all the leisure time we have, it is a myth for many of us. And it may just be that we are as affected as the younger generations in our (in)ability to take in too much data at one time. So I respectfully request that you not sacrifice any of the richness of your publication, only some of the quantity.”

What a wonderful challenge! I understand what this friend means because I also tend to blow by things that look too long to read. Bill Sadler’s THE THIRD AGE says clearly that this time of our lives is about embracing paradox, and this request poses a wonderful paradox!

How does one "not sacrifice any of the richness… [but] only some of the quantity”?

I'm making my first attempt to live in this paradox with this newsletter.

Except for my musings, you should be able to tell quickly whether you want to pursue the other pieces or not. Let me know how this works for you… =========================================================== 3. CHOOSING HAPPINESS: LIFE & SOUL ESSENTIALS

BY STEPHANIE DOWRICK Stephanie Dowrick is a beautiful person, a wonderful friend and a profound thinker. She has the rare distinction of being a #1 bestselling author of both fiction and non-fiction.

Her new book, “Choosing Happiness: Life & Soul Essentials," is a down-to-earth guide for taking charge of your feelings and your life - and makes a powerful connection between managing your inner reality and influencing the larger world.

The promise of this book is simple: right now you can be happier.

“One of the songs my children used to sing when they were little – and I imagine countless small children are still singing it – went, “If you’re happy and you know it, clap your hands.” This line was repeated many times, accompanied by highly enthusiastic hand-clapping, proving in those sweet, simple moments that happiness was something we could identify, experience and celebrate. At least, while we are young.

“As we get older, we may still be happy. And we may know it. But for most of us there will also be times when we seriously doubt our capacity for happiness. And we may certainly wonder about the explosion of unhappiness that the World Health Organisation predicts as the greatest health problem our world will face from 2020 onwards…”

5

FW’S NEWSLETTERS - JANUARY 2006 Copyright William R. Idol 2005

“I wrote “Choosing Happiness” believing that there are essential skills and insights that we can identify and develop that will allow us to be happier – and to interact with others in ways that are satisfying and rewarding.

This book did not begin with the idea of happiness.

In fact, it began with the idea of the “essentials”.

What are the essential psychological skills and insights we need that will make most difference in how we experience our own lives – and affect the lives of other people?”

For more on Stephanie and "Choosing Happiness," go to: http://www.stephaniedowrick.com/index.php?option=com_content&task=view&id= 84&Itemid=29 =========================================================== 4. THE SCIENCE OF POSITIVE FEELING I am very aware of how diverse we human beings are, especially when it comes to deciding what is "real" and what isn't.

Neither my musings nor Stephanie Dowrick’s writings will seem "realistic" to many.

Extensive scientific research has been done on the impact of positive and negative feelings on our minds and bodies.

If you’d like some solid scientific evidence for how important appreciation, gratitude and happiness are to your physical health and well-being, see: http://www.heartmath.org/research/research-overview.html =========================================================== 5. BUILD THIRD AGE COACHING INTO YOUR BUSINESS You are invited to participate in our 12 week “Coaching for Third Age Fulfillment” teleclass, a training/licensing program especially designed for experienced coaches who are interested in working with that "booming" demographic - people around 50 and older who are redefining the look of aging and retirement.

Time: Tuesdays, February 7 - April 25, 7:30-9:00 PM EST For questions, please contact either Melita or Nancy: Melita DeBellis 802-434-6600 (Melita@ThirdAgeCenter.com ) 6

FW’S NEWSLETTERS - JANUARY 2006 Copyright William R. Idol 2005

Nancy Cosgriff 651-433-3679 (Nancy@ThirdAgeCenter.com ) =========================================================== 6. THIS MONTH'S LINKS: DON'T LET THE MYTHS OF AGING HOLD YOU BACK… http://www.thirdagecenter.com/Lobster-Pot18.htm “THE VELVETEEN PRINCIPLES”: A GUIDE FOR THIRD AGE… http://www.velveteenprinciples.com/ ELDERSHIRE: A NEW VISION OF THIRD AGE LIVING… http://www.eldershire.net/intro.php ===========================================================

7

FW’S NEWSLETTERS - FEBRUARY 2006 Copyright William R. Idol 2005

=========================================================== THE CENTER FOR THIRD AGE NEWSLETTER - FEBRUARY 2006 1.

2.

3.

4.

5.

6.

7.

FATHER WILLIAM’S MUSINGS FOR FEBRUARY “THE DWINDLES” – A POEM OF THIRD AGE TRANSFORMATION “TEND AND BEFRIEND” INSTEAD OF “FIGHT OR FLIGHT” THE ADULT IS NOT THE HIGHEST STAGE OF DEVELOPMENT “WHAT'S NEXT” AS YOU ANTICIPATE RETIREMENT? SPECIAL APPEAL TO CPSI FOLKS FROM DORIE SHALLCROSS THIS MONTH'S LINKS

=========================================================== FEBRUARY'S QUOTE – ALAN KEIGHTLEY Once in a while it really hits people that they don't have to experience the world in the way they have been told to. =========================================================== 1. FATHER WILLIAM’S MUSINGS FOR FEBRUARY Last month's musings on the "Joys of Being Ordinary” brought reader feedback that’s highlighted another primary paradox of Third Age: ENGAGEMENT IN THE PHYSICAL WORLD VS. DETACHMENT FROM THE PHYSICAL WORLD One wise woman friend (who also sent in the “Tend & Befriend” info in #3) wrote: “As women, we are hardwired to give and serve and tend to others.

It’s in our DNA... it is unconscionable to me that I could be any other way... Besides, if elder years are not about service and serving, what are they about? What else is more important than that?”

Another wise woman friend shared her poem, “The Dwindles” (#2 below).

It’s a profound reflection on the transformation from engagement in "action/activism/and activity" to the detachment of "nature's garden and the small" in the Third Age of life.

Clearly some of us move toward greater detachment and “the small” in Third Age, and others move toward greater engagement with others. Either can be 8

FW’S NEWSLETTERS - FEBRUARY 2006 Copyright William R. Idol 2005

a form of profound service, but that service can often be harder to see in detachment than engagement.

How do we honor these different paths with such opposite outward manifestations?

For me, there are two parts to achieving this mutual regard. The first is to recognize the enormous imbalance toward the masculine that has been made "normal" in western culture. Matthew Fox captured this powerfully in a simple question and answer: Q: “What do the Enron Corporation, the Catholic Church and the Bush Administration all have in common?”

A:

“An excess of patriarchy.”

"An excess of patriarchy" means any form of culture – family, school, religion, business, state, nation or association - that is unbalanced toward the Masculine (not the same as male) and thereby short-changes the Feminine (not the same as female).

While male and female refer to whether we’re biologically men or women, Masculine and Feminine refer to traits and behaviors historically associated with men and women, but in fact available to us all.

(For more on Feminine and Masculine, see link at end).

It’s my belief (as well as that of many other thoughtful men and women) that the pendulum has swung too far towards the Masculine for too many centuries, and it's now time to help the Feminine in all of us come to the fore.

While "Tend & Befriend" is an important part of this, there are many other ways of expressing our Feminine as well, and not all require the kind of engagement that comes so naturally to my wise woman friend.

Being led by the goddess into her mysteries is one. Collecting, organizing and making available the wisdom of the ancestors is another.

Fully participating in the waiting for the birth of the new life is still another.

It is expressions like these my natural Feminine leads me toward, and less so engagement with the outer world.

I’m grateful there are others whose journeys lead them to active service, and I honor and support their service.

So embracing the paradox of ENGAGEMENT/DETACHMENT requires first that our expressions of both rise from individually healthy, rather than culturally conditioned, balances of Feminine and Masculine.

The second requirement is to make the service in detachment clearer to those committed to engage9

FW’S NEWSLETTERS - FEBRUARY 2006 Copyright William R. Idol 2005

ment.

If we don't, we can expect our turning away from the world to be seen at best as withdrawal and at worst as selfishness.

This is no easy thing, but I’ll give it a small try here.

I’m very fortunate to have a colleague and mentor who has 2+ decades more life experience than I do.

Here’s part of our recent exchange on the value we find in detachment: From: Father William To: Elder Ed I'm now regularly seeing alternative realities I can choose at any time to replace the one I have thought is so real on this plane.

This is important to me because I am so easily influenced by my surroundings. If I put myself in a crazy environment and stay there for any length of time, what was obviously crazy when I entered will become "normal" to me. I saw this clearly when I went through Marine basic training. One of the many great things about my Third Age is being much more detached from the world around me than I was when I was younger...

From: Elder Ed To: Father William I think you're right about what's "normal." For me, when a situation or place or set of characters normalizes, I begin to forget the possibilities for alternatives...

I'm finding my personality gets in the way, sometimes, of making breakthroughs to a higher level of understanding.

Yet that's obviously why we are here, isn't it?

From: Father William To: Elder Ed I like very much the way you say "when a situation or place or set of characters normalizes, I begin to forget the possibilities for alternatives." That defines "normal" very deeply for me - a state we believe to be more usual than other states and therefore expect to happen more frequently and (this is the more dangerous part) to be more real.

At this moment I feel able to entertain hundreds, thousands, millions of possibilities for realities, none of which is "normal."

This is because I've just done a very deep meditation.

As I get caught up in the day, those possibilities will recede to the point of invisibility. I am gaining some confidence that I can bring them back by returning to my center, and I'm starting to believe that Third Age, for me, is learning to live in that 10

FW’S NEWSLETTERS - FEBRUARY 2006 Copyright William R. Idol 2005

center most of the time. It is a place of great detachment and very, very different from the life of engagement I've lived previously…

Obviously this is a huge subject we've opened up, and these musings barely scratch the surface. If you’d like to follow the continuing dialogue with Elder Ed, you can find it at: http://blogs.salon.com/0004489/ For more on Feminine & Masculine including a simple self-assessment tool, see: http://www.thirdagecenter.com/LTF-00%20XS%20of%20Patriarchy%20Intro.pdf =========================================================== 2. “THE DWINDLES” – A POEM OF THIRD AGE TRANSFORMATION

BY DOVE WHITE Woman in prime power climbed mountains, traveled far raised children three, race then sailed the seas, inspired community, shared meetings, championed causes…

Once upon a time of action/activism/and activity.

Woman of dwindling endurance reduces obligations, protects your privacy, forgives, forgets, creates focused priorities.

I said, read, listen to bird calls, am inspired to write, with more time available for family and friends.

When harmonies center is lost amidst over-stimulation of aging senses, my prayer is to recall body ephemeral, sold eternal.

Life is more about being than doing.

Even in the dwindles I remember to exercise, rest and to eat well, as I open to nature's garden and the small.

11

FW’S NEWSLETTERS - FEBRUARY 2006 Copyright William R. Idol 2005

© Dove White, Autumn 2005 =========================================================== 3. “TEND AND BEFRIEND” INSTEAD OF “FIGHT OR FLIGHT” THANKS TO WISE WOMEN FRIEND LFS A study at UCLA debunks the old theory we learned about reactions to fear as FIGHT OR FLIGHT. Those are MALE reactions, measured by and with male subjects in times of crisis. When women are afraid or in crisis they have a very different reaction which is: TEND AND BEFRIEND. My own experience and observing other women bears out this theory perfectly.

Try the TEND AND BEFRIEND method...you'll like it. It brings you naturally into a life of service and love. What else is more important than that?

For more see: http://www.anapsid.org/cnd/gender/tendfend.html =========================================================== 4. THE ADULT IS NOT THE HIGHEST STAGE OF DEVELOPMENT FROM "THE TAO OF POOH" BY BENJAMIN HOFF “But the adult is not the highest stage of development. The end of the cycle is that of the independent, clear-minded, all-seeing Child. That is the level known as wisdom. When the Tao te Ching and other wise books say things like, "Return to the beginning; become a child again" that's what they are referring to. Why do the enlightened seem filled with light and happiness like children? Why do they sometimes even look and talk like children? Because they are. The wise are Children Who Know. Their minds have been emptied of the countless minute somethings of small learning and filled with the great wisdom of the Great Nothing, the Way of the Universe.”

If last month’s “The Velveteen Principles” touched you, try "The Tao of Pooh"… http://winnie-the-pooh.ru/online/lib/tao.html 12

FW’S NEWSLETTERS - FEBRUARY 2006 Copyright William R. Idol 2005

=========================================================== 5. “WHAT'S NEXT” AS YOU ANTICIPATE RETIREMENT?

BY MELITA DEBELLIS My father is 87 years old. He retired nearly 20 years ago, after spending 37 years as superintendent of schools in my hometown.

He was one of the “lucky” ones – from the generation that could expect to hold the same job for their entire career.

After he retired, my father dabbled for a bit in real estate.

He also taught math at the local community college, until it became a little tough for him to drive at night and in bad weather.

Eventually he experienced some health problems (heart attack, quadruple bypass), and the serious illness and death of my mother when he was 77.

In the 20 years since he retired, I don’t think a week has gone by that he hasn’t suggested to me that I should take – or teach – some classes in the local college.

The remarkable thing about my father is that to this day he still looks at the want ads.

I used to think he was doing that to find me a different job (maybe I wasn’t living up to his expectations), but I came to realize that in reality it is a hobby for him. Actually, it may be even more than that, because he continues to see possibilities for himself in the listings he reads…

For the rest of Melita’s article, go to: http://www.thirdagecenter.com/Lobster-Pot19.htm =========================================================== 6. SPECIAL APPEAL TO CPSI FOLKS FROM DORIE SHALLCROSS I've been on a mission lately trying to track down some of CPSI's Third Agers.

Three of our fine former leaders passed on this year - Clayton Morgan, Bob Barnett, and Bruce Whiting.

I'd like to reach out to others who are still out there but we've lost contact.

I'm sure we have a few CPSI Third Agers who are your readers. If they want to be in touch again to contact me… dshallx@highstream.net =========================================================== 13

FW’S NEWSLETTERS - FEBRUARY 2006 Copyright William R. Idol 2005

7. THIS MONTH'S LINKS: HUMOROUS NEWS RE RETIREMENT OPTIONS FROM “THE ONION”… http://www.theonion.com/content/node/44679 CONFERENCE CALLS TOO EXPENSIVE?

NO EXTRA FEES HERE…

http://www.freeconference.com/home.asp ARE YOU LOOKING FOR A THIRD AGE COACH?

HERE THEY ARE…

http://www.thirdagecenter.com/coaching-disclaimer.htm ===========================================================

14

FW’S NEWSLETTERS - MARCH 2006 Copyright William R. Idol 2005

=========================================================== THE CENTER FOR THIRD AGE NEWSLETTER - MARCH 2006 1.

2.

3.

4.

5.

6.

FATHER WILLIAM’S MUSINGS FOR MARCH FROM “THE DWINDLES” TO “BARE TREES” ELDER WISDOM CIRCLE: YOUR EXPERIENCE IS VALUABLE THE GUEST HOUSE JUNG, INDIVIDUATION & THIRD AGE THIS MONTH'S LINKS

=========================================================== MARCH'S QUOTE – ELBERT HUBBARD “Do not take life too seriously.

You will never get out of it alive.”

=========================================================== 1. FATHER WILLIAM’S MUSINGS FOR MARCH The older I get the more sense Elbert Hubbard's advice makes.

By Third Age it's gotten very clear, at least to me, none of us are going to get out of this life alive, so having a sense of humor and perspective about it seems like the way to go.

In my continuing email dialogue with Elder Ed, I get a lot of support for humor and perspective. He calls it "relaxing into participation.”

I'm pretty sure I know what Ed means by "relaxing into participation," but I’m not much good at doing it with consistency yet.

We moved house this month, and as my son Scott says, "Remember, Dad, you do not transition well."

And I don't.

But this was a very easy local move that was complete in two days with all boxes unpacked. Not a big deal. I even played golf on the first of the two days.

But son Scott was right - I do not transition well.

When the disorientation and depression hit, I consulted Ed. I hope this part of our exchange might be as helpful to you as it has been to me… _______________________________ To: Elder Ed From: Father William Sent: Friday, February 24, 2006 15

FW’S NEWSLETTERS - MARCH 2006 Copyright William R. Idol 2005

Subject: “Relaxing Into Participation” – More, Please No matter how well I think I've done moving, it definitely takes its toll on me. I'm ready to hear more about what you mean by "relaxing into participation"…

To: Father William From: Elder Ed Sent: Saturday, February 25, 2006 Subject: RE: “Relaxing Into Participation” – More, Please Evidently it was a shocker, this move? Did it wipe out a lot of the serendipity that you had previously felt confident in?

Anyway, let's get down to the “relaxing into participation” thing immediately.

First, remembering the relaxation aspect....when you've just experienced a change which roughs you up somewhat, what's the first thing one usually does?

Look for a means of sedation, no? A way of withdrawing from the tension you just went through. What do you usually do? (...I USUALLY HAVE A MARTINI OR THREE...)

Second, finding your bearings.

Getting into participation your own way.

It'll be different from mine.

So let's review first what participation means.....it means finding a "fit" of some sort, maybe some fellow travelers, a synergistic framework in which you can comfortably operate, some place which fits your own bent and companions who at least respect your take on things. How that works out in practice for you will inevitably be different from the way it would be for me because of all the facets in each other's lives which make us into different personalities with special baggage! (... MY PRIMARY FORM OF "PARTICIPATION" THESE DAYS IS CREATIVE SOLITUDE, LIKE DOING THESE MUSINGS...)

The really important notion here is the relaxing part in which we drop the frameworks of control that we formerly operated under--and I think the latter is the hard part, the hard work, involved in relaxing into participation from being in charge like maybe we once were.....it's a whole different kind of game now.

Still a game, but this one allows us to have equals who push back when we try to do the same to them!

There are no General MacArthur's in this company - we all smoke corncob pipes. And we 16

FW’S NEWSLETTERS - MARCH 2006 Copyright William R. Idol 2005

can swear at each other with impunity, which we find we must do from time to time. (... ALONG WITH ED’S HUMILITY, I LOVE HIS HONESTY. I LEARN SO MUCH FROM HIM BECAUSE HE DOES NOT PRETEND TO BE FARTHER ALONG THAN HE IS...)

To: Father William From: Elder Ed Sent: Monday, February 27, 2006 Subject: More on “Control” I had a "funny" experience today: I lost control over something that you would think I'd be glad to lose control!

I've been doing my own income taxes for years, and I guess I was rather proud of my ability to do so.....well, now that Marge and I have been married for a year, plus the fact that my daughter is an accountant with income tax experience, I suddenly find that I'm no longer in charge of that. You know what.....I suddenly became very chagrined that I was no longer making the decisions which depended (in previous years) on my own knowledge of the best way to handle things!

Talk about a sore loser!

Of course after an hour of internal pouting (I didn't tell Marge, of course) I calmed down enough to accept the inevitable.

But this points to the disparity between reality and our own cherished perceptions of things--my god, I never would have thought I'd be capable of such a reaction!

Control's frameworks manage to "frame" us every time, it appears. We take control for granted until we lose it –then we spite ourselves in trying to regain it. What a lesson… _______________________________

Isn't Ed a model for all of us? “Giving up control" is such a lovely notion, and how hard to do!

I've had the concept for at least 35 years in various forms ("Let It Be," "Be Here Now," "Let It Flow," etc.*) I'm grateful to Ed for many things, and one is helping me see that Third Age is for "relaxing into participation" – and that I have until 90 to do it!

That's the kind of support I need… *For a Jungian framing of this idea, see #5 below.

If you'd like to follow our on-going dialogue on "relaxing into participation", you can find us at: 17

FW’S NEWSLETTERS - MARCH 2006 Copyright William R. Idol 2005

http://blogs.salon.com/0004489/ =========================================================== 2. FROM “THE DWINDLES” TO “BARE TREES” SENT BY JAN RENSEL “The Dwindles" poem and the theme of service through engagement/ disengagement reminded me of my favorite poem by Anne Morrow Lindbergh from her collection “The Unicorn and Other Poems”: Bare Trees Already I have shed the leaves of youth, Stripped by the wind of time down to the truth Of winter branches. Linear and alone I stand, a lens for lives beyond my own, A frame through which another's fire may glow, A harp on which another's passions blow.

The pattern of my boughs, an open chart Spread on the sky, to others may impart Its leafless mysteries that once I prized, Before bare roots and branches equalized; Tendrils that tap the rain or twigs the sun Are all the same; shadow and substance one.

Now that my vulnerable leaves are cast aside, There's nothing left to shield, nothing to hide.

Blow through me, Life, pared down at last to bone, So fragile and so fearless have I grown!

Jan and I worked together 30 years ago at The Evergreen State College in Olympia, Washington, and she is one of the most beautiful of people I know. She and her husband, Alan, are anthropologists who have studied the native people of Rotuma for many, many years. To see more of their work, go to: http://www.hawaii.edu/cpis/people_6.html http://www.hawaii.edu/oceanic/rotuma/os/hanua.html =========================================================== 18

FW’S NEWSLETTERS - MARCH 2006 Copyright William R. Idol 2005

3. ELDER WISDOM CIRCLE: YOUR EXPERIENCE IS VALUABLE Elder Wisdom Circle is comprised of the Elders (volunteer seniors) who offer advice and our support staff. We are based in the San Francisco Bay Area with Elders all over North America. We are one of the largest providers of personal advice anywhere. The mission of our association is to promote and share elder know-how and accumulated wisdom. We also have a goal of elevating the perceived value and worth of our senior community.

Our Elders can help with most any problem providing a personalized reply to each request. Our service is totally confidential and easy to use. Be sure to check out the new Advice TV feature of our site, the link is located on the homepage: http://www.elderwisdomcircle.org/ =========================================================== 4. THE GUEST HOUSE RUMI (Translation by Coleman Barks) This being human is a guest house.

Every morning a new arrival.

A joy, a depression, a meanness, some momentary awareness comes as an unexpected visitor.

Welcome and entertain them all! even if they’re a crowd of sorrows, who violently sweep your house empty of its furniture, still, treat each guest honorably.

He may be cleaning you out for some new delight.

The dark thought, the shame, the malice, meet them at the door laughing, and invite them in.

Be grateful for whoever comes, Because each has been sent As a guide from beyond.

For more about Rumi, go to: 19

FW’S NEWSLETTERS - MARCH 2006 Copyright William R. Idol 2005

http://www.poetseers.org/the_poetseers/rumi/bio/ =========================================================== 5. JUNG, INDIVIDUATION & THIRD AGE ROBERT D. GRAY Jungian theory suggests there exists in each individual a natural direction of personal development.

Wilson Van Dusen called this our “Natural Depths.” Every life, from the moment it is born, seeks this potential and is naturally drawn to it.

It represents the full realization of our genetic, intellectual, and spiritual potential. Jung called this path Individuation.

We Use the First Part of Life to Develop the Ego Typically, the time from birth to adulthood is developmentally aimed at the production of a stable ego, that is, a relatively consistent representation of the Self and the focus for consciousness. Until its stabilization in early adulthood, the ego is driven and drawn, molded and founded in unconscious process.

Maturity Begins Our Process of Individuation With maturity, each person begins the move towards individuation in which the projections of unconscious process (and with them the possibility of personal growth) are brought increasingly under conscious control.

What had been unconscious is now brought into the realm of consciousness and the individual is led to fulfill the potential that lay dormant in the primitive psyche. This is the path of individuation in which the individual becomes increasingly conscious of his own potential and the directions it implies, In Third Age We Fully Realize Our Potential Classical Jungian psychology held that individuation was the course laid out for the latter part of life.

If we can use our Third Age, we find there is accessible to each of us a path which represents the highest good and the fullest realization of our potential – a road of maximum benefit for which all of our personal biology yearns and which, when found, moves life into high gear. It is the “Bliss” referred to by Joseph Campbell in the oft repeated, and little understood maxim "Follow your bliss."

When we open to and follow our personal paths of individuation, our unique 20

FW’S NEWSLETTERS - MARCH 2006 Copyright William R. Idol 2005

Natural Depths come into full bloom, and we experience life in ways never before possible!

Adapted from “Ericksonian Approaches to the Ego-Self Axis” presented by Robert D. Gray at St. Francis College, Brooklyn, NY. June 5, 1997. =========================================================== 6. THIS MONTH'S LINKS: FOR MORE ON ERIKSON'S PSYCHOLOGY & EIGHT STAGES OF LIFE… http://www.ship.edu/~cgboeree/genpsyerikson.html TV FOR BOOMERS – A PBS SERIES ON WHO BOOMERS ARE BECOMING… http://www.boomerstv.com/ ARE YOU LOOKING FOR A THIRD AGE COACH?

HERE THEY ARE…

http://www.thirdagecenter.com/coaching-disclaimer.htm ===========================================================

21

FW’S NEWSLETTERS - APRIL 2006 Copyright William R. Idol 2005

=========================================================== THE CENTER FOR THIRD AGE NEWSLETTER - APRIL 2006 1.

2.

3.

4.

5.

FATHER WILLIAM’S MONTHLY MUSINGS INTERVIEW WITH BILL SADLER, AUTHOR OF "THE THIRD AGE" A SPIRAL EXPLORATION FOR “WOMEN OF A CERTAIN AGE” CHANGING LIFE OPTIONS: THE RICHES OF THIRD AGE THIS MONTH'S LINKS

=========================================================== APRIL'S QUOTE – ALVIN TOFFLER "The illiterate of the 21st century will not be those who cannot read and write, but those who cannot learn, unlearn, and relearn." =========================================================== 1. FATHER WILLIAM’S MONTHLY MUSINGS It must've been over 35 years ago when I first read Alvin Toffler's quote above, and I remember thinking, "Well, of course!

So who doesn't know that?" I was in graduate school as the 70’s began, and, even though I was already over 30 (and therefore untrustworthy), I became part of the Boomer generation that was already changing the world.

How exhilarating it was to be part of that righteous wave!

Being young and arrogant, I assumed Toffler's wisdom applied to everybody but me and began teaching others how to cope with change.

Once again my arrogance has caught up with me, and I know I'm not alone.

As I embark on this Third Age of mine, I'm finding it very difficult to "unlearn" four decades of indoctrination. Second Age made very clear that the point of life is ACHIEVEMENT and the method of accomplishment is DOING. Failure to endlessly achieve or, God forbid, to be eternally active signaled the onset of decline and decrepitude.

As Bill Sadler's research shows, full maturity requires leaving behind the EITHER/OR world of Second Age and moving forward into the BOTH/AND world of Third Age. In Toffler's words, we have to "unlearn" decades of singular focus on measurable ACHIEVEMENT and DOING so we can relearn the new possibilities of paradox, especially those of intangible FULFILLMENT and 22

FW’S NEWSLETTERS - APRIL 2006 Copyright William R. Idol 2005

BEING. I’ve found this to be a very difficult transformation, and I get almost no help from the culture around me, particularly those organizations that are supposed to be supporting my development. Think about the ads you've seen specifically directed at Third Agers.

Don't almost all show "active people" DOING and ACHIEVING important things? Isn't the message that, with their product's help, you, too, can stay "forever young”?

Where are the balancing images of contemplation, solitude, inactivity and BEING? To "unlearn" an established pattern of living, we need a powerful new vision to pull us forward into our next stage of life. We had these previously. We wanted to "grow up" because the culture presented enticing and seductive visions of the futures to come. As Third Age begins, we experience just the reverse. Cultural visions now encourage us to "stay young" and "remain active." There is enormous pressure to hold on to what we've been and almost no impetus to move forward into our Elderhood. No wonder so many of us feel stuck.

But I'm finding a delightful way through this desert. With the help of my colleagues at the Center, I've managed to create a powerful vision for my Third Age despite what the culture bombards me with. Yes, it's taken five years, and, yes, I've had to do most of it on my own, and, yes, I've had to filter and screen cultural influences carefully (living in New Zealand and Vermont without TV helps greatly).

Once I got some of the Second Age limitations out of my way, I could experience myself as I am becoming and not as I had been.

Solitude and contemplation are much more natural to me now than earlier in life.

I love my empty days of reading, musing and working in the yard.

I still enjoy DOING and ACHIEVING (like creating this newsletter, my blog and radio shows), but I also delight in the inactivity of BEING and FULFILLMENT. When my days have enough space and solitude, I don't fill them completely with the distractions of my ADD mind, and I occasionally am able to be empty. It is in that emptiness that I become receptive, and the surprises of Third Age come most easily.

My transformation has been a conscious, five year process.

Many others, like Jung, have needed similar lengths of time for their own individuation.

Of course, I had no idea it would take so long when I began in 2001, and it's clearly far from over. But I'm over some kind of hump and feeling very positive about moving into my eighth and ninth decades (okay, I'm only 67 but that's almost the end of my seventh decade).

23

FW’S NEWSLETTERS - APRIL 2006 Copyright William R. Idol 2005

Now I recommend this journey highly, but I wasn't always such a believer.

When the group that formed the Center did our first retreat together, Jimmy read Browning’s poem “Rabbi Ben Ezrs" which begins: Grow old along with me!

The best is yet to be, The last of life for which the first was made…

Gil (a tennis player whose knees were going) and I (the eternal youth) weren’t buying it. “Maybe ‘the last of life’ can be good, but ‘the best’?

No way!”

I'm a believer now and want to share my experience with others caught like I was. My hope is that my musings, blog and radio show excerpts help you on your unique journey of unlearning the EITHER/OR of Second Age and relearning the BOTH/AND of Third Age. If I can be of personal help, you can write me at FatherWilliam@ThirdAgeCenter.com.

FW’S Place: www.thirdagecenter.com/FW%20Index.htm

=========================================================== 2. AN INTERVIEW WITH BILL SADLER, AUTHOR OF "THE THIRD AGE" MONDAY, APRIL 10, 2006 - KBS TV1 - 10 PM UTC/GMT+9 HOURS Korean Broadcasting Station (KBS) will air a one-hour interview taped in Oakland CA with Dr. Sadler to discuss his book and the work of The Center for Third Age Leadership.

As the national service channel, TV1 is the sole public broadcasting station in Korea and offers programs through KBS World TV to satellite channels and stations in Canada, Europe and the USA. We will post additional broadcast times and stations here for this program as they become available.

For more information see http://world.kbs.co.kr/ =========================================================== 3. A SPIRAL EXPLORATION FOR “WOMEN OF A CERTAIN AGE” OFFERED BY NANCY COSGRIFF & BEATA RYDEEN

24

FW’S NEWSLETTERS - APRIL 2006 Copyright William R. Idol 2005

There seems to be a growing desire for us women, especially those of us in mid-life and beyond, to come together to share our stories, to learn from each other and to give and receive affirmation and inspiration for our lives and work. Through the sharing of our personal journeys in women’s circle, we create a collective wisdom which energizes our vision and renews our courage for living with heartfelt intention each day.

We can step anew into the world with a greater sense of meaning and purpose and joy.

As both a long time member and facilitator of women’s groups and workshops over the years I have heard variations on these questions come up repeatedly.

How can I fully befriend and embrace my whole self—body and soul-with all of my strengths as well as my “flaws” and foibles?

How can I create a positive identity and claim my value, wisdom and power as an older woman?

What is our “her-story?”

What do the stories of our ancestors and other women here and now have to do with me and my challenges?

What passions (and paradoxes?) do I want to live by?

What paradoxes must I learn to hold in balance?

How is my sense of mortality and of the divine serving me in all of this?

How do I want to be a contribution to the world?

In one of the Center's licensing teleclasses for Third Age Coaches, my colleague, Beata Rydeen, described a personal vision to plan and facilitate a retreat for women in Tuscany.

We discovered we both knew of the same beautiful olive farm there called Montestigliano that would be perfect for gathering women and exploring some of these questions.

We soon became partners in the endeavor.

From that marvelous synchronicity came the plans for our offering: a renewal retreat in Tuscany this September.

We would love to have you join us!

Please visit our website at www.spiralexplorations.com flyer and bio information on Beata and Nancy.

RESERVE YOUR PLACE BY MAY 10 - DEPOSIT DUE BY MAY 15 25

for

a

complete

FW’S NEWSLETTERS - APRIL 2006 Copyright William R. Idol 2005

=========================================================== 4. CHANGING LIFE OPTIONS: UNCOVERING THE RICHES OF 3RD AGE

BY WILLIAM A. SADLER, PH.D. TO BE PUBLISHED IN THE LLI REVIEW, LATE SPRING, 2006 The Longevity Revolution has not only given Americans the equivalent of a 30-year life bonus, it has changed the structure of the life course. A new period emerging in the middle of life – The Third Age – provides unexpected opportunities and challenges for individuals, society, and Lifelong Learning programs. The author reports on significant findings from 20 years of research, using longitudinal studies, of people who have been creatively redesigning their lives in the Third Age, making it an era of fulfillment. These people have been transforming aging during their 50s, 60s, and 70s. Instead of following the decrement model of aging, their lives have moved in new directions with personal growth and renewal. The author describes the Six Principles of second growth reported in his last book; he then explains and illustrates key findings in his next book. All of the people in the latter have been redefining retirement. Two key ideas emerging from their lives are: Third Age Careers and Third Age Life Portfolios. While usual retirement has meant not working, these people have continued working, but have redefined it to express a new identity and sense of purpose. They have also organized in life portfolios a complex array of diverse interests – work and play, family and friends, self-care and community service, and learning. Lifelong Learning programs are challenged to design experiences that fit this new view of aging. They can help their Third Age students discover the potential for second growth and provide a supportive community to facilitate their development and potential contributions to society and the future.

To read the full article go to: http://www.thirdagecenter.com/Changing%20Life%20Options.pdf =========================================================== 5. THIS MONTH'S LINKS: HUSTON SMITH IS PROFILED BY GERONTOLOGIST STEPHEN SAT... http://www.asaging.org/networks/FORSA/a&s-171.cfm 26

FW’S NEWSLETTERS - APRIL 2006 Copyright William R. Idol 2005

BOOMERS & THEIR PARENTS DIFFER ON "LEAVING A LEGACY"... http://www.allianz.com/azcom/dp/cda/0,,862314-44,00.html AGESOURCE WW LINKS TO 100’S OF ELDER-RELATED SITES... http://www.aarp.org/research/agesource/ ===========================================================

27

FW’S NEWSLETTERS - MAY 2006 Copyright William R. Idol 2005

=========================================================== THE CENTER FOR THIRD AGE NEWSLETTER - MAY 2006 1.

2.

3.

4.

5.

6.

FATHER WILLIAM’S MONTHLY MUSINGS NOTES ON THE REST OF THIS NEWSLETTER EXCERPTS FROM “FREUD AND THE FUNDAMENTALIST URGE” EXCERPTS FROM “THE SELF: A UNIFYING CENTER” EXCERPTS FROM “THE ENNEAGRAM & SPIRITUALITY” THIS MONTH'S LINKS

=========================================================== MAY'S QUOTE – ALBERT EINSTEIN "A human being is a part of a whole, called by us “universe,” a part limited in time and space. He experiences himself, his thoughts and feelings as something separated from the rest... a kind of optical delusion of his consciousness. This delusion is a kind of prison for us, restricting us to our personal desires and to affection for a few persons nearest to us. Our task must be to free ourselves from this prison by widening our circle of compassion to embrace all living creatures and the whole of nature in its beauty." =========================================================== 1. FATHER WILLIAM’S MONTHLY MUSINGS I got an e-mail yesterday from one of my longest-standing and most thoughtfully engaging friends, Chris Rago. I first knew her as a student at The Francis Parker School in Chicago in the 60’s, and now she's a literary agent, wife and mother of three daughters from 23 to 10 and a Third Ager. In my humble opinion, her Direction of Error is definitely not toward selfishness; no one I know spends more energy and time being concerned for others than Chris. She wrote: “I have this horrible voice in my head that thinks being selfish is the worst possible sin.

I don't think it is.

Wasting your life is worse.

And not having any fun.”

Chris's words really made me think for both of us.

What came is how important it is to distinguish between "selfish" and "self-like."

I know "self-like" is a new word, but what I'm talking about is just like the 28

FW’S NEWSLETTERS - MAY 2006 Copyright William R. Idol 2005

distinction between "childish" and "child-like" and even more important.

Both "childish" and "child-like" describe qualities of children. But "childish" is a negative and dismissive judgment of immaturity ("She's so childish!") while "childlike” is a positive appreciation of purity, playfulness and spontaneity ("She has a childlike innocence"). While it's essential to grow out of our childishness, I never want to lose my childlikeness.

If I did, I'd make the “worse mistake” of “wasting my life,” and I sure wouldn't be "having any fun" while I was doing it!

The same is true on the larger level of the self. As infants, we do start out in total “selfish” mode because we can't do anything for ourselves.

When we're uncomfortable (cold, hungry, frightened) we wail, and someone (usually mom) comes and fixes it for us. This is a powerful first learning, and it's hard to give up.

I know people well into Third Age whose first response to any problem is to wail and wait for someone to fix it.

Doesn't happen. What does happen is family and friends avoid the wailing and the person.

Just like we had to leave the womb behind, we have to leave behind the infantile luxury of being the center of the universe. To have a life worth living, selfishness has to go. It's hard work, and none of us ever does it completely.

But because we give up being “selfish” doesn't mean we want to give up being “self-like” any more than we want to give up being "child-like."

We want and need to be self-nurturing, self-respecting and self-loving.

And giving up selfishness no more guarantees we'll keep our “self-likeness” than giving up “childishness” guarantees we’ll keep our “child-likeness.”

Most cultures recognize the need to root out "childishness" and “selfishness" and have evolved powerful taboos to make sure this happens. So most of us have learned it's VERY BAD to be either "childish" or "selfish."

But there are no offsetting structures to make sure we keep and grow our "child-likeness" and "self-likeness."

In this dreadful imbalance, how do we keep ourselves fully alive?

I'm finding this is one of the things Third Age is for. I no longer care very much what other people think about me. My primary relationships now are with myself, my family, a few very intimate friends and my personal version of Spirit.

Both "child-likeness" and "self-likeness" are welcome and critical to all those relationships. Third Age is letting me blossom in ways I didn't do earlier, and it is so much fun!

If, like Chris, you ever hear a little voice in your head saying “being selfish is the worst possible sin,” it might help to remember her response:

29

FW’S NEWSLETTERS - MAY 2006 Copyright William R. Idol 2005

“I don't think it is. fun.”

Wasting your life is worse.

And not having any

P.S. Isn't it amazing we have to invent the word "self-likeness”? aren't going to be like ourselves, who are we going to be like?

If we

For more of FW: www.thirdagecenter.com/FW%20Index.htm =========================================================== 2. NOTES ON THE REST OF THIS NEWSLETTER After I answered Chris's e-mail, I realized that I hadn't addressed the most important question: HOW DO WE KNOW WHAT OUR “SELF” IS SO WE CAN BE THAT "SELF"?

As The Center for Third Age Leadership, our first level of work is to help people make the very difficult transformation from Second Age into Third Age. There are three major tasks involved: 1. Change deeply imprinted negative images of aging; 2. Redefine success from achievement to fulfillment; 3. Build a Third Age identity based on paradox.

Each of these tasks requires profound changes in one’s unconscious image of “self,” and, in my case, most of those changes have come slowly over the last five years.

While all the tasks are essential and important, this newsletter focuses on the third. In responding to Chris’s e-mail, I came to a new understanding of the essence of my paradoxical Third Age identity.

For me, the "meta-paradox" of my Third Age Identity is that of psyche and Spirit, of ego and Essence, of persona and Higher Self. I want to emphasize this is my personal framework and not necessarily shared by my colleagues at The Center; I know I will get some healthy debate from a number of them. And I am not alone in seeing this paradox as fundamental in our evolution into our full potential. Einstein also said: “The intuitive mind is a sacred gift and the rational mind is a faithful servant.

We have created a culture in which honors the servant and has forgotten the gift.”

30

FW’S NEWSLETTERS - MAY 2006 Copyright William R. Idol 2005

In Einstein's terms, part of our Third Age work is to correct the relationship between servant and master, between rational mind and intuitive mind. It doesn't matter to me what language we use to phrase the paradox, and I invite you to choose terms that make it possible for you to explore.

The rest of this newsletter offers three attempts to answer the question, "WHAT IS SELF?" These are rather lengthy excerpts since I've tried to include enough of the original articles so you could get a sense of what their authors meant without going to the web site and reading the whole thing.

I do recommend you read them in their entirety – there are some amazing perspectives offered, and I don't want my editing to do them injustice.

The first is a perspective on Freud's notion of the self. He was an atheist all his life and had no time for notions of the human being that moved into the realm of Spirit.

For Freud, our identities were limited to the physical, mental and psychological, and whatever paradoxes we encountered would be within those limits. This is not how I choose to think, but it's important to consider this viewpoint.

The second is by Robert Assagioli who was a disciple of Freud and split with him over the issue of whether there was something more than the physical and the psychological.

The third is by Don Riso and Russ Hudson who are the people behind the Enneagram Institute.

They build on the thinking of Assagioli and offer an understandable process for how to consciously move toward a healthier partnership between the ego and Essential Self.

I am, which is probably readily apparent, partial to the second and third views. Two of my most brilliant friends, David and Jim, disagree with my perspective strongly and side with Freud.

Probably many of you do too.

Aren't we wonderful in our diversity! Knowing that, I offer you the possibility that there is a Self beyond the self that seems so familiar to us… =========================================================== 3. EXCEPTS FROM “FREUD AND THE FUNDAMENTALIST URGE”

BY MARK EDMUNDSON, THE NEW YORK TIMES, APRIL 30, 2006

31

FW’S NEWSLETTERS - MAY 2006 Copyright William R. Idol 2005

At the center of Freud's work lies a fundamental perception: human beings are not generally unified creatures. Our psyches are not whole, but divided into parts, and those parts are usually in conflict with one another. The id, or the "it," is an agent of pure desire: it wants and wants and does not readily take no for an answer. The superego, or over-I, is the internal agent of authority. It often looks harshly upon the id and its manifold wants. The superego, in fact, frequently punishes the self simply for wishing for forbidden things, even if the self does not act on those wishes at all. Then there is the ego, trying to broker between the it and the over-I, and doing so with the greatest of difficulty, in part because both agencies tend to operate outside the circle of the ego's awareness. The over-I and the it often function unconsciously. Add to this problem the fact that "the poor ego," as Freud often calls it, must navigate a frequently hostile outside world, and it is easy to see how, for Freud, life is best defined as ongoing conflict. In a passage in "The Ego and the Id," Freud observes that the ego is a "poor creature owing service to three masters and consequently menaced by three dangers: from the external world, from the libido of the id and from the severity of the superego…”

About this conflict — about this painful anxiety — what is to be done? Humanity, Freud says, has come up with many different solutions to the problem of internal conflict and the pain it inevitably brings. Most of these solutions, Freud thinks, are best described as forms of intoxication. What the intoxicants in question generally do is to revise the superego to make it more bearable. We like to have one glass of wine, then two, Freud suggests, because for some reason — he's not quite sure what it is in scientific terms — alcohol relaxes the demands of the over-I. Falling in love, Freud (and a thousand or so years of Western poetry) attests, has a similar effect. Love — romantic love, the full-out passionate variety — allows the ego to be dominated by the wishes and judgment of the beloved, not by the wishes of the demanding over-I. The beloved supplants the over-I, at least for a while, and, if all is going well, sheds glorious approval on the beloved and so creates a feeling of almost magical well-being. Take a drink (or two), take a lover, and suddenly the internal conflict in the psyche calms down. A divided being becomes a whole, united and (temporarily) happier one…

Freud believed that the necessary tensions, not are not — but because Freud, a healthy psyche

inner tensions that we experience are by and large because they are so enjoyable in themselves — they the alternatives to them are so much worse. For is not always a psyche that feels good…

32

FW’S NEWSLETTERS - MAY 2006 Copyright William R. Idol 2005

But another way to look at Freud is to see him as someone who suggests that a considerable measure of freedom and even relative happiness can come from following a self-aware middle way. If we are willing to live with some inner tension, political as well as personal, we need never be overwhelmed by tyranny or fall into the anarchy that giving into the unconscious completely can bring…

Mark Edmundson teaches English at the University of Virginia. He is currently completing a book about the last two years of Freud's life.

For the whole article click below (you will probably need an on-line subscription to The NYT to access it): http://www.nytimes.com/2006/04/30/magazine/30wwln_lede.html?pagewanted=1&_ r=1 =========================================================== 4. EXCERPTS FROM “THE SELF: A UNIFYING CENTER”

BY ROBERTO ASSAGIOLI (NOTE: Psychosynthesis began around 1910 with the Italian psychiatrist, Roberto Assagioli (1888-1974), a contemporary of both Freud and Jung. In its most basic sense, psychosynthesis is simply a name for the process of growth - the integration of previously separate elements into a more comprehensive unification or synthesis. It believes each of us has an innate drive toward the unfolding of ourselves, and that we can choose to consciously support that process.)

In our examination of the have been considering the tuted by some dominating “function” like maternity, or finally, by the intense

various forms and types of psychosynthesis, we group in which the unifying Center is constitendency of the personality, such as a vital or an activity or social or professional task, admiration of a hero, or superior being.

But these centers are not apt to produce either a complete psychosynthesis, in which every single element in us is coordinated and harmonized in a living unit, or an entirely independent psychosynthesis, one not based, that is to say, on elements foreign to our own being.

To realize such a complete and independent psychosynthesis another kind of Unifying Center is needed. In the first place this Center must be of a different nature from that of all the single elements which constitute our 33

FW’S NEWSLETTERS - MAY 2006 Copyright William R. Idol 2005

psyche. It must be different form and superior to them because then only can it have the power to dominate and rearrange them in an organic unity.

In other words, the unifying Center must not be only psychological, but spiritual…

But, if to find out what out “I” is, we turn to scientific psychology which has till recently held unquestioned sway and even now dominates in the universities, we are completely frustrated. To this question psychology has no answer, not because it does not know, but because it does not wish to know. The way has been deliberately barred by the denial, a priori, of the existence of a real subject. It has chosen to be, according to the unfortunate expression of Laing, a “psychology without soul.”

In fact, as William James said some years ago, for psychology, “souls are not in fashion.” Such a denial, a priori, is quite without justification.

To justify it the proof of the nonexistence of the Higher Self should be given. This proof does not exist...

That the conscience imposes itself on the ordinary self is one of the most convincing proofs of the existence of the Soul. The laws of association alone, the mechanical action and reaction on one another of the various psychological elements, are entirely insufficient to explain the superior manifestations of psychological life. Reason, creative imagination, moral judgment, selection, acts of will imply a synthetic, directive, and creative activity. But this activity does not take place in the empiric self, in the light of ordinary consciousness. Only the results reach this personal self. And in certain cases when the activity of the Spirit is intense and its results break suddenly, almost violently into ordinary consciousness, a more or less confused sense of the mysterious power that is influencing it is felt. The poet who feels within himself an inscrutable power that dictates inspired verses, the monk to whose consciousness is revealed the power and greatness of the Supreme Good, the patriot to whom the imperious voice of conscience dictates sacrifice for the victory of his country, all who have similar experiences concur in testifying that there is a powerful inner force which operates on the ordinary consciousness impelling it in the direction of its profoundest aspirations.

When the existence and marvelous power of the deeper self is recognized, the “Know Thyself” of the Delphic Oracle acquires a new and profounder meaning. It no longer means only “analyse your thoughts and feelings and actions”; it means study your most intimate self, discover the real being hidden in the depths of your soul, learn its marvelous potency.

34

FW’S NEWSLETTERS - MAY 2006 Copyright William R. Idol 2005

At this point, I should like to forestall a possible objection, or eliminate a possible misunderstanding. The fact that we have spoken of the ordinary self and the profounder Self must not be taken to mean that there are two separate and independent “I’s”, two beings in us. The Self in reality is one. What we call the ordinary self is that small part of the deeper Self that the waking consciousness is able to assimilate in a given moment…

The recognition of the existence of the Self and of its nature, is of immense spiritual value. Such a recognition constitutes a real revelation for the individual. It is the beginning of a new life, and the necessary foundation for a successful effort toward self regulation, toward freedom and inner regeneration; that is to say, for a real Psychosynthesis.

For the whole article (and much more on Psychosynthesis) go to the site below and click on the article title: http://two.not2.org/psychosynthesis/articles/index.htm =========================================================== 5. EXCERPTS FROM “THE ENNEAGRAM & SPIRITUALITY”

BY DON RISO & RUSS HUDSOM At the beginning of our transformational work, it is easy to feel frustrated and overwhelmed. It is also easy to begin to see the personality as an enemy that must be defeated since it is, after all, the repository and residue of so much "baggage" from our past, with all of its hurts, damage, and disappointments. When we are tempted to think this way, it is good to realize that the personality is not separate from us—in fact, it is an important and legitimate part of ourselves: the problem is simply that we mistake the part for the whole. Personality depends on our identifying with certain states, feelings, thoughts, and reactions even though whenever we do so, we experience ourselves as less than the totality of who and what we really are.

The spirituality of the Enneagram does not divide us into good (Essence) and bad (personality), but simply recognizes that when we are identified with our personalities, we forget that there is much more to us. The personality has the function of closing us down so that we can feel more defended against a threatening and uncertain world. At one time in our lives, in childhood, this response was adaptive and necessary. We had to 35

FW’S NEWSLETTERS - MAY 2006 Copyright William R. Idol 2005

identify with whatever qualities we found in ourselves in order to defend ourselves more efficiently and to find our place in the world…

But as we expand more fully into our Essential nature, our senses are awakened—seeing, hearing, smelling, tasting, touching, intuiting. The world is more immediate and has a deeper impact on us; everything becomes more vivid and alive. We have all had moments in which a veil seems to have been removed so that the enchantment of even the smallest things touches us deeply. We experience the world once again with the innocence of a child, with all of the awe and mystery of life restored.

When we are functioning in personality, however, to varying degrees, our attention is caught up in imagination and is looking to the future or toward the past. Personality is always in some kind of reaction to the present moment. When we are functioning in Essence, we are grounded, present, and receptive to the moment. We see precisely what is necessary, and with exquisite economy, we are able to do it without unnecessary effort or resistance. We are capable, substantial, and real.

Further, because it is not what is real in us, but merely a construct in our minds, personality does not have any authority or power in itself.

When we are lost in personality, it is not surprising that we often feel powerless, confused, and unsafe because we are basing our identity on an artificial construct. (If we are identified with something that is not real, then many things are going to be extremely threatening.) Our entire identity structure has been built up in our memory and imagination, whereas our true power and authority comes from our Essence, from our contact with the Divine. And yet, ironically, we fear and resist opening to that which is most real in us. When we trust in the process and give ourselves over to it, however, our authentic self comes forth. The result is real integrity, love, authenticity, creativity, understanding, guidance, joy, power, and serenity—all of the qualities we are forever demanding that personality supply.

The part of this process that is so difficult to understand is that we do not have to do anything to experience our true nature. The almost magical part is that our old personality patterns change without effort on our part in proportion to the depth of awareness that we bring to them. All we need to do is to stop identifying with the agendas of our personality. The effort is in waking up and letting go. The rest will take care of itself…

36

FW’S NEWSLETTERS - MAY 2006 Copyright William R. Idol 2005

From this perspective, saying that one is interested in spirituality but not psychology (or vice versa) is like saying that you want to learn to be a writer but are not interested in spelling or grammar, or that you want to be a doctor but do not care about biology. Psychology that does not address peoples' spiritual hungers is not going to lead to any complete and satisfying result. It is like climbing only half way up a mountain, or taking a dish out of the oven when it is only half-baked. We still get some benefits, but do not achieve the final goal. Psychology without spirituality is arid and ultimately meaningless, while spirituality without grounding in psychological work leads to vanity and illusions. Either way, disappointment and deception result. To be most effective, spirituality and psychology need to go hand in hand to reinforce the best in each other.

Another challenge is the common belief that to live in Essence is to have left personality entirely behind. This is not the case since both personality and essence are integral parts of each other, two sides of the same coin—the whole self.

“In the best of all possible worlds the acquired habits of personality would be available to one's essential nature and would help one to function adequately in the social context in which he or she lived, and for a realized being this undoubtedly is the case. The ordinary person, unfortunately, lacks the ability to make use of personality to carry out essential wishes. What is essential can manifest only in the simplest instinctive behavior and in primitive emotions.

“All this is not to say that essence is always noble and beautiful while personality is an alien crust of useless cultural barnacles. According to Gurdjieff, "as a rule a man's essence is either primitive, savage and childish, or else simply stupid." The essences of many are actually dead, though they continue to live seemingly normal lives. The development of essence to maturity, when it will embody everything that is true and real in a person's being, depends on work on oneself, and work on oneself depends on a balance between a relatively healthy essence and a personality that is not crushingly heavy.... Both are necessary for self-development, for without the acquisition of personality there will be no wish to attain higher states of consciousness, no dissatisfaction with everyday existence; and without essence there will be no basis of development.”

(Speeth, The Gurdjieff Work, 48-49) As one becomes liberated from the negative aspects of personality, Essence becomes developed. Or, more aptly, the balance between Essence and personality shifts from personality to Essence until more of the self is living 37

FW’S NEWSLETTERS - MAY 2006 Copyright William R. Idol 2005

out of its Essence (that is, authentically, from the depths of its being).

The personality remains ready to be employed as a useful and necessary tool, but only as an extension and expression of the deeper, essential self—a self that, because it is an expression of Essence, remains unfathomable to the ego mind. Without some degree of personality to express the self in ordinary daily life, we could not communicate with each other and, ultimately, our Essence would be unrecognized and remain undeveloped.

The full development and expression of the true self is what we seek, and this cannot be done in a vacuum. Because we cannot live without form, our human Essence must express itself through the forms of our personality type, just as talents must be expressed in action if talent is to be developed. A dancing master does not become so perfect a dancer that the master no longer dances. Dancing is not forsworn as evidence of having achieved perfection: on the contrary, mastery is expressed by losing the self in the dance.

If we are fortunate, we are nurtured and guided in our development toward a stable, well-integrated ego, one that is therefore "ripe" for transformation. The idea is not to return to the infantile state, but to mature as adults so that we can move ahead with the process of transformation. In the famous phrase of Jack Engler, "You have to be somebody before you can be nobody," and we must develop a whole, well-integrated personality before we can really "give it up" in the transformational process. The healthy, well-functioning human ego plays a crucial role in the process of self-realization, and so our developmental deficiencies must be healed if our transformative experiences are to have any lasting effect.

Thus, personality is as necessary to the development of the soul as Essence, and it is to be used for living in the world and for contributing to it. The aspects of personality that are more congruent with our Essence are the healthy personality states we find at Levels 1 to 3 for each type.

Moreover, those personality states themselves develop to become finer expressions of our essential self as we continue to evolve. Once we have begun to integrate and to live in Essence more habitually, we become the master of our ego and are increasingly able to express ourselves freely and appropriately. Ego no longer controls us: Essence speaks through personality.

The danger is that many students begin to identify with essential states— in effect, creating a "new, improved" ego identity. For example, we can have an extraordinary spiritual experience and feel liberated from our usual sense of ourselves only to have identification cause our usual sense of self to claim the experience and make it part of our self-image. One 38

FW’S NEWSLETTERS - MAY 2006 Copyright William R. Idol 2005

moment we feel an abiding serenity and oneness with the universe, and the next, identification with the ego subtly slips in and we are telling ourselves how spiritually "advanced" we are. We may even start anticipating how impressed our teacher (or therapist or spouse) is going to be with our new state or new insights. Of course, by this time the experience of immediate awareness and real oneness has been lost…

The move to Essence is not an escape from ourselves but the growth of freedom from those aspects of ourselves that have made us unfree and subject to suffering. The move to Essence is a supremely positive thing—not a negation of our individuality, but the occasion in which we become deeply alive and in possession of ourselves. We hinted at some of this in Personality Types: “Attaining the goal of a full, happy life, ripe with experiences well used, means that each of us will become a paradox—free, yet constrained by necessity; shrewd, yet innocent; open to others, yet self-reliant; strong, yet able to yield; centered on the highest values, yet able to accept imperfection; realistic about the suffering existence imposes on us, yet full of gratitude for life as it is.

“The testimony of the greatest humans who have ever lived is that the way to make the most of ourselves is by transcending ourselves. We must learn to move beyond self-centeredness to make room within ourselves for others.

When you transcend yourself, the fact will be confirmed by the quality of your life. You will attain—even if only momentarily—a transparency and a radiance of being which result from living both within and beyond yourself. This is the promise and the excitement of self-understanding.” (456) The quality of your life is confirmation that, in the moment of presence, you have attained Essence—your deepest, truest self. The transparency and radiance that result from living in Essence is the sign that Essence is not only desirable but attainable. The state of "transparency"—of openness and unselfconsciousness—makes the essential self accessible to others. And the "radiance" that results from self-transcendence—self-possession and profound happiness—emanates the many particular qualities of love.

“Enlightenment cannot be according to any system. It has to resolve and clarify your own situation. The realization must satisfy and fulfill your heart, not the standards of some system. The liberation must be of you, you personally....The quest does not bring about improvement or perfection. It brings about a maturity, a humanity, and a wisdom.” (Almaas, Essence, 181-182.)

39

FW’S NEWSLETTERS - MAY 2006 Copyright William R. Idol 2005

We have seen much the same about the limitations of any system, including the limitations of the Enneagram. While Almaas says that "the quest does not bring about improvement or perfection," he means that the process is one of self-discovery—not of self-improvement. We are correcting a case of mistaken identity, not trying to "fix up" our false identity. In fact, when we discover our true nature, and recognize that we are Essence, we see that all of the noble qualities we have been seeking are already here— part of us… https://www.enneagraminstitute.com/spirituality.asp =========================================================== 6. THIS MONTH'S LINKS: WANT YOUR THIRD AGE TO BE ABOUT DOING WELL AND DOING GOOD? http://www.civicventures.org/ WANT YOUR COMPANY TO BE ABOUT DOING WELL AND DOING GOOD? http://www.robinhood.org.nz/ FOR LANCE AND ALL YOU OTHER GOLFERS... http://skepdic.com/enneagolf.html ===========================================================

40

FW’S NEWSLETTERS - JUNE 2006 Copyright William R. Idol 2005

=========================================================== THE CENTER FOR THIRD AGE NEWSLETTER - JUNE 2006 1.

2.

3.

4.

5.

FATHER WILLIAM’S MONTHLY MUSINGS NOTES ON THE REST OF THIS NEWSLETTER CONFESSIONS OF AN ELDERWOMAN THAT PRECIOUS, PATIENT MAN THIS MONTH'S LINKS

=========================================================== JUNE'S QUOTE – “JANIE, I HARDLY KNEW YE…” =========================================================== 1. FATHER WILLIAM’S MONTHLY MUSINGS

Death is now an on-going part of my life.

This is new for me.

In the last year three very close friends have died, and on Memorial Day Weekend my sister, Janie, was killed in an auto accident.

Her memorial service was held in Aspen, Colorado, on June 3, and that experience is the inspiration for this month's musings. I hope what I learned that day may prove as important to you as it has to me.

Janie and I weren’t really close and didn’t know a great deal about each other’s lives. After I went away to college in 1956 we never lived in the same town again and only saw each other periodically. We had a disagreement and didn’t communicate much during the second half of the 80’s. Then we reconnected and truly began to enjoy our monthly phone calls and emails.

We were planning to get together while I was back in the states this summer, and she was going to visit us in New Zealand next year.

I knew Janie was a being of light and joy. A friend said of her: “One of the funniest women in this valley, and so smart.

She’s probably one of the most quick-witted people I’ve ever known. She was a delight. She always made everyone laugh.”

What I didn't know about Janie was what a magnificent friend and leader she had been for so many.

She worked as executive assistant to the general manager of The Little Nell Hotel in Aspen (the town were money has no meaning). This meant, of course, she was continually put in the position 41

FW’S NEWSLETTERS - JUNE 2006 Copyright William R. Idol 2005

of trying to please people paying so much they felt entitled to Nirvana while at the same time keeping staff (who couldn't even afford to live in Aspen) happy and motivated.

What a knife edge to walk!

I could never manage such a balancing act.

Hundreds of people came to the service which was held on the deck of the Ajax Tavern at the foot of Aspen Mountain.

It's impossible for me to fully describe the impact that day had on me. It began during the scheduled speakers (family, longtime friends and hotel management) and became overwhelming as past and present employees told story after story about how much Janie had meant to them.

One person said, "She was the soul of The Little Nell."

For the rest of the day I had people come up and tell me their personal stories of connection with Janie.

Almost all spoke of her humor, outrageousness and profoundly deep caring.

And her own brother and didn't really know she was so incredibly loved.

This is three days later, and all I can think about is how much of her magnificence I missed.

Part of the reason was we were busy and far away from one another. But I now think the real problem was that we both collaborated in maintaining a stereotype of the other that should have been discarded long ago. She was three years younger, and we always thought of each other as "Little Sister" and "Big Brother."

We even signed our emails "LS” and "BB.” It seemed affectionate and cute.

But now I know it also kept us locked in frames of perception that prevented us from seeing each other fully. As one of high school classmates said to me, "You and your friends were the cool guys we looked up to.”

While I hadn't thought of it previously, now I know something in me kept living up to being a "cool guy" with my only sister instead of showing her all of myself.

I'm pretty sure she was doing her version of the same thing, and, as a result, we missed knowing huge parts of each other.

I knew this insight was a final gift to me from Janie. That night I told my four kids I was not going to miss knowing another loved one. We talked about how hard it can be to see through long conditioned filters like "Big Brother / Little Sister" and "Parent / Child," and we pledged to interrupt such patterns when ever we noticed ourselves maintaining them. Thank you for this, Janie - I wish I had learned it in time for you.

One of the things I did know about Janie is that she wanted to be Irish.

She made countless trips to Ireland and loved the land and the people.

Many of her friends thought she actually was Irish. So I’ll conclude this tribute with a sad line from an Irish song: 42

FW’S NEWSLETTERS - JUNE 2006 Copyright William R. Idol 2005

“Janie, I hardly knew ye…” =========================================================== 2. NOTES ON THE REST OF THIS NEWSLETTER The two pieces that follow share some of the difficulties readers and friends are encountering as they move into later Third Age. "CONFESSIONS OF AN ELDERWOMAN” invites participation in a dialogue about how to cope with the declining health of a beloved partner.

“THAT PRECIOUS, PATIENT MAN” shares some of the feelings and realities that come after a beloved partner has died.

If you have experiences to share, I’ll make sure they get to Louise or Paynie. Send them to: FatherWilliam@ThirdAgeCenter.com =========================================================== 3. CONFESSIONS OF AN ELDERWOMAN LOUISE FRANKLIN SHEEHY Growing older, aging, sage-ing--- whatever the term we use, there are realities that confront us as we move up into our 60s, 70s and 80s that need our full attention if we are to live lives that are conscious, aware, juicy and meaningful.

I’m one of those people who has glorified the aging process, looking to it as a time of harvesting life’s riches, being more at home within my own skin and psyche, enjoying the fruits of a life well-lived, enjoying grandchildren and the special joys they can bring. All of the above have been real and true for me, but then a different scenario appeared and it came with ill health —first my husband’s, then mine.

What I’m learning is that aging is much easier to glorify one is healthy and strong, rather than when one is sick, vulnerable. I’m also learning that if your spouse is sick while you are not, the quality of life diminishes no matter prevent it. So there is a lot of adjusting to do, whether aging that provokes it, or your spouse’s.

and enjoy when dependent, and and declining, what you do to it is your own

I meet a lot of women who are taking care of elderly sick husbands. They didn’t intend for married life to end up this way after 35, 40 or 50 years 43

FW’S NEWSLETTERS - JUNE 2006 Copyright William R. Idol 2005

together, but now their husband has had a stroke, or cancer, or Alzheimer’s and the caregiving job is theirs.

Even this scenario doesn’t faze most good women, until they themselves get sick and there is no one to take care of them. If adult children live far away or are consumed with careers and families of their own, the need for a community of good friends is essential at such a time and in my case, saved my life when I was just home following surgery and unable to do much of anything for myself and in the house.

I needed help with everything that needed doing and it was my women friends who came to the rescue.

What do people do without large support communities to shoulder the load when the going gets rough?

I learned a valuable lesson during that recuperation time and it had to do with the importance of building a strong and reciprocal community during one’s life so that when decline begins to happen there are many people to help. But I also learned how reluctant we all are to ASK for help and often fret because something isn’t getting done that needs doing, mainly because nobody was asked to help do it! Simply by asking for help, assigning the coordination to others, one has only to sit back and receive the largesse from generous and loving friends. And that in itself is a valuable life lesson---to learn how to receive when most of us (especially women) are so accustomed to being on the giving end.

Now it is time to learn the art of gracious receiving, an art form as nuanced as the art of giving.

I‘d love to hear from others about how this works in their lives: How do they handle periods of prolonged illness and decline when there is need for so much support?

Do people call on others to help or tough it out alone?

What shall we be doing now to ensure that as we age we have the community of folks in place who can be there when we need them and they need us?

This is the “new family” of the 21st century. Many of us cannot count on actual family members to be there for us when the chips are down, so it is necessary to create “families of choice” who will come through.

How do people do this?

What’s been the experience of your readers in this situation?

44

FW’S NEWSLETTERS - JUNE 2006 Copyright William R. Idol 2005

I want to know what works for others and what doesn’t.

I'd like to know how others prepare for these inevitable times of need.

What psychological preparation works best? =========================================================== 4. THAT PRECIOUS, PATIENT MAN

BY PAYNIE PATTERSON This is my take on old age -- so far. (I never felt old till 80 -- but that's when it all started coming apart for us. As Louise said, it's easier to like old age when one is healthy and well.)

When my strong and healthy and vigorous husband suddenly developed a pain in his side one evening, he atypically seemed to panic and asked me to call 911. EMS was there in a flash! I chose to ride with him in the ambulance, not wanting him to be carted off all alone with strangers to I knew not where. EMS took him to the hospital in Easley where they did some tests and said that he had an aneurysm on his aorta which could pop at any minute. Hence: The first thing I knew, they flew him away in a helicopter -- leaving me behind, after all, and now without a car to follow him to the hospital. Fortunately our former daughter-in-law, Sandy, came and got me so that together we went to Greenville. In spite of all our efforts, we were unable to find him that night. By 3 we gave up and I went to Sandy's for the night. By the next morning we were able to locate Pat, my husband, in Intensive Care.

They had done an exploratory operation in the night, trying to locate the source of his pain.

No one EVER found what had caused his original pain. However, for the next 10 days there were PLENTY of sources of pain for that precious, patient man.

In the hospital he developed pneumonia, a case of raging diarrhea, delusions from the narcotics, lost 20 pounds and was slit from stem to stern.

Now, what had been a strong and healthy man was left practically a basket case. By this I don't mean to be writing a diatribe against the hospital, nor the doctors. We came in late at night without our own doctor and with a mysterious ailment which was difficult to diagnose.

I expect everyone did the best they could.

For us, however, it was an extremely difficult time and the whole experience weakened Pat in ways from which I think he never really recovered.

So: KEEP OUT OF HOSPITALS if you can.

If you can't -- then be glad we have them there when we need them. It beats the heck out of coping alone.

45

FW’S NEWSLETTERS - JUNE 2006 Copyright William R. Idol 2005

I, too, am learning that praising aging is much easier to do when you're not the one doing it! However, I'm ashamed to complain because I'm fortunate in many ways. I'm thankful to be healthy -- although unbalanced from a stroke.

(There are SOME who say I've always been unbalanced – smile.)

Due to Pat's frugality, I'm not in poverty. I have good friends who are supportive. I have a pleasant condo with green around. I can still drive and have a car. I can see to read and do emails and write... and what a great blessing it is to be able to see!

I have family who love me and friends who do, too. What a blessing that is! I can still think (a little) and remember (a little) and do my bills and finances. I can walk and talk and sit up and take nourishment (smile) and even prepare it.

I do NOT like being here without Pat. I try to think about things that are good about being alone: Late at night I can sit up reading in bed with the light on and not hear groaning (^_^); I don't have to fix meals EVER -although I do, of course.

Other than that I can't think of anything I like about Pat's being gone.

How fortunate we were to have had 60 years together and to have worked out a relationship wherein we were happy together.

Since I think being unhappy is a terrible waste of life, I work at being happy every day and when I find myself drooping, I do something right then to change things.

At least I'm FREE. People fight to the death for this blessing.

Remember Janis Joplin: "Freedom’s just another word for nothing left to lose.

Freedom ain't worth nothing, but it's FREE!" Enough of this, eh?

Be Happy!

=========================================================== 5. THIS MONTH'S LINKS: ANIMATION OF KATRINA'S FLOODING OF NEW ORLEANS... http://www.nola.com/katrina/graphics/flashflood.swf FOR WOMEN WRITERS OF THIRD AGE... http://www.prweb.com/releases/2006960/6/prweb393361.htm WHY DOCTORS ARE AFRAID OF BEING THE PATIENT... http://www.prweb.com/releases/2006960/6/prweb393434.htm =========================================================== 46

FW’S NEWSLETTERS - JULY 2006 Copyright William R. Idol 2005

=========================================================== THE CENTER FOR THIRD AGE NEWSLETTER - JULY 2006 1.

2.

3.

4.

5.

6.

FATHER WILLIAM’S MONTHLY MUSINGS A PARABLE OF PART AND WHOLE WE’RE ALL PRODUCTS OF THE SAME ANCIENT FORCES WONDER WOMEN – “A RIOTOUS MIX” SEPT 30 EVENT: THE LEADER’S NEXT JOURNEY THIS MONTH’S LINKS

=========================================================== THIS MONTH’S QUOTE IS A RIDDLE… "What is greater than God, more evil than the devil, the poor have it, the rich need it - and if you eat it, you’ll die.” =========================================================== 1. FATHER WILLIAM’S MONTHLY MUSINGS According to Paul Harvey, 80% of kindergarteners get the answer to the above riddle, while only 17% of Stanford University seniors do.

If you want to try to figure it out, pause here before you scroll down and see the answer…

NOTHING.

NOTHING is greater than God, NOTHING is more evil than the devil, the poor have NOTHING, the rich need NOTHING and the if you eat NOTHING, you will die.

47

FW’S NEWSLETTERS - JULY 2006 Copyright William R. Idol 2005

So, like the Seinfeld show, this month's musings are about NOTHING, which, in one form or another, now seems to be the answer to every riddle I have.

What is it I need to do? NOTHING. Who is it I need to please? NO ONE. Where is it I need to go? NOWHERE. What do I need to be? NOTHING. How can I need to be NOTHING? That is an almost incomprehensible shift in perspective for me. I've ALWAYS believed I needed to be SOMETHING - the toughest kid, the best football player, the coolest stud, the greatest teacher, the unforgettable consultant and, in my current life, the wise and mellow elder.

The pattern of "There's a right way to be and you need to be it” was imprinted way before I can remember.

I've known for some time that needing to be NOTHING was my next stage of development. My sister's death a month ago pushed my intellectual knowing over the hump into emotional and spiritual knowing - the kind of knowing that means CHANGING and GROWING. Growth always seems like such a great idea until I’m actually doing it.

Since Janie died, I've gone deeply internal.

It's been learning, not brooding.

I've communicated very little with the outside world.

I haven't done my blog at all, and I've been short with good friends.

If you're one of them, I apologize.

I'm disoriented in a way I didn't expect. I'm the only member of my family of origin left, and I feel my own and other's mortality as a very real presence. Suddenly I have so much more empathy for Paynie who wrote last month's peace titled, "THAT PATIENT, PRECIOUS MAN.” Her partner, Pat, is gone, and she lives without his companionship.

It's now real to me I could lose Donna and be on my own. Certainly one of us will live on without the other at some point. When that happens, where do we look for relationship? This may be the most profound of Third Age questions.

My answer is I have to learn to be in relationship with the whole of creation (variously called The Infinite, God, The Other, The Larger, Nature, etc.) This brings me back to the riddle’s answer of NOTHING. In relation to the Infinite, I am essentially NOTHING. No matter what my Ego has liked to think I’ve been, in reality I am only one of an infinite number of “unique identities.”

It's confusing, and focusing, to find something I've been playing with philosophically all these years suddenly become as basic as hot and cold.

48

FW’S NEWSLETTERS - JULY 2006 Copyright William R. Idol 2005

If there truly is "nowhere to go, no thing to be," what's the point? The only point is to "Be Here Now.” Ego is terribly uncomfortable with this.

How will I know I am worthy? More importantly, how will I know I am "special"? That is what I have always tried to be – VERY, VERY SPECIAL… Suddenly we (Ego and Self) are realizing not only are we not SPECIAL now, but that we never have been.

It was all illusion made possible by very limited perspective.

If Ego can't exist without being SPECIAL, how can Ego and Self go forward together into relationship with the Infinite?

This seems like the emerging paradox of my Third Age. Ego's very nature is about creating a unique identity, a persona that can be successful in the world and recognized for that success by others.

How does Ego now submit to a Self that knows all such identity is illusion? How do Ego and Self come together around the great paradox of being BOTH A PART AND THE WHOLE? Waves and the ocean can be a powerful metaphor for this paradox of PART (Ego) AND WHOLE (Self).

Each wave can think it’s a tiny, vulnerable and separate entity, alone and at risk in a hostile sea. Caught in this perspective, each wave knows it is fragile and very temporary; once it crests, life seems to be over.

I like thinking of waves (and myself) as expressions of the ocean's (and Spirit’s) wholeness.

Like waves, each Ego has a journey which includes rising to a physical crescendo, folding back into the Self, breaking on the shore and being reabsorbed into the great, eternal ocean.

When we live in this perspective, we experience the joys of being BOTH PART AND WHOLE, and our lives are continually filled with meaning.

In “Seasons Suite” John Denver sang it this way: Riding on the tapestry of all there is to see So many ways and oh so many things Rejoicing in the differences, there’s no one just like me Yet as different as we are we’re still the same And oh I feel And oh A part

I love the life within me a part of everything I see I love the life within me of everything is here in me

Living and loving our paradox of Ego and Self seems to me the great challenge of Third Age. I hope sharing some of the bumps on my journey helps you with yours…

49

FW’S NEWSLETTERS - JULY 2006 Copyright William R. Idol 2005

For more of Father William, go to: www.FatherWilliam.org =========================================================== 2. A PARABLE OF PART AND WHOLE FROM THE INTRODUCTION TO “ILLUSIONS” BY RICHARD BACH "Once there lived a village of creatures along the bottom of a great crystal river.

"The current of the river swept silently over them all - young and old, rich and poor, good and evil, the current going its own way, knowing only its own crystal self.

"Each creature in its own manner clung tightly to the twigs and rocks of the river bottom, for clinging was their way of life, and resisting the current what each had learned from birth.

"But one creature said at last, ‘I am tired of clinging. Though I cannot see it with my eyes, I trust that the current knows where it is going. I shall let go and let it take me where it will.

Clinging, I shall die of boredom.'

"The other creatures laughed and said, 'Fool!

Let go, and that current you worship will throw you tumbled and smashed across the rocks, and you will die quicker than boredom!'

"But the one heeded them not, and taking a breath did let go, and at once was tumbled and smashed by the current across the rocks.

"Yet in time, as the creature refused to cling again, the current lifted him free from the bottom, and he was bruised and hurt no more.

"And the creatures downstream, to whom he was a stranger cried,'See a miracle! A creature like ourselves, yet he flies! See the Messiah, come to save us all!'

"And the one carried in the current said, ‘I am no more Messiah than you.

The river delights to lift us free, if only we dare let go. Our true work is this voyage, this adventure.'

50

FW’S NEWSLETTERS - JULY 2006 Copyright William R. Idol 2005

"But they cried the more, 'Savior!' all the while clinging to the rocks, and when they looked again he was gone, and they were left alone making legends of a Savior."

For the full introduction: http://yearightproductions.com/home/short_story_from_illusions.htm For more on Richard Bach: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Richard_Bach =========================================================== 3. WE’RE ALL PRODUCTS OF THE SAME ANCIENT FORCES FROM OLIVIA JUDSON’S CONCLUSION TO “THE WILD SIDE” Over the past month, I’ve explored an abundance of questions, organisms and phenomena within biology. For my last column in the series, I want to talk more personally, and reflect a little on how studying evolution has changed my view of life…

For starters, it gives us a powerful framework for understanding the natural world. At first, the diversity of life seems bafflingly complicated, and frankly, rather dull — detail follows detail in an endless trudge. But the study of evolution helps us to resolve patterns — details take on sudden significance. For example, the Australian brush turkey and its relations have an unusual habit. Instead of sitting on eggs, they build big incubation mounds, usually out of piles of rotting leaves. The birds (often just the male) tend the mound, making sure the eggs are kept at the right temperature. But when the eggs hatch, the chicks leave immediately: they have to fend for themselves from the start. On the basis of this, we can predict that in these species, many aspects of behavior must have evolved to be genetic, because there’s no one to teach them. In particular, they must be able to recognize members of their own species, despite never having seen one. And from the moment they leave the mound, they must be able to recognize and escape from potential predators. An error could be fatal.

But it’s more than that. Studying evolution has changed the way I look at nature. For knowing that all of us — oak trees and venus fly traps, starlings and brush turkeys, humans and sea urchins, not to mention bacteria harvesting light from the glowing vents at the bottom of the sea — are the 51

FW’S NEWSLETTERS - JULY 2006 Copyright William R. Idol 2005

products of the same ancient forces is something that brings me enormous pleasure, awe and a sense of peace. As I have learned more about other organisms, I have come to regard them (and us!) with increasing amazement and delight…

Olivia Judson, an evolutionary biologist, is the author of “Dr. Tatiana’s Sex Advice to All Creation: The Definitive Guide to the Evolutionary Biology of Sex,” which was made into a three-part television program. http://judson.blogs.nytimes.com/ =========================================================== 4. WONDER WOMEN – “A RIOTOUS MIX”

BY THE NATIONAL FILM BOARD OF CANADA “Wonder Women” is a riotous mix of ladies fresh out of their creators’ imaginations. They're raring to go.

At 96, Louise's plans sometimes miscarry, but her sense of humour is foolproof. Mabel manoeuvres between work, teenage daughters, an elderly mother - and hot flashes. A hard scrabble farmer enjoys a simple relationship with her animals: she loves them, kills them, eats them. A Norwegian woman uses humble means to thwart an ill-intentioned king.

Sophie, at her retirement party, announces that she doesn't have time to be old. Phyllis juggles the demands of her flock of sheep with the ardour of her suitor.

Two friends rock and knit together while their lives flashback to memorable moments.

In Wonder Women, the ordinary becomes extraordinary. This collection of seven award-winning animation films reflects the richness of the human experience. http://www2.nfb.ca/boutique/ibeCCtpItmDspRte.jsp?formatid=52128&minisite=1 0005&respid=50409&_ref=ibeCZzpEntry.jsp =========================================================== 5. SEPT 30 EVENT: THE LEADER’S NEXT JOURNEY A DAY OF WORKSHOPS FOR THIRD AGE LEADERS -

How Not to Fail Retirement 52

FW’S NEWSLETTERS - JULY 2006 Copyright William R. Idol 2005

-

Women of a Certain Age Build a Life Portfolio Ego, Essence & Third Age Who Am I Anyway? Am I My Resume?

Saturday, September 30, 2006 8:30 AM — 4:00 PM Montpelier, VT $195, Couples $325 Call 802-434-6600 to register or for more information. =========================================================== 6. THIS MONTH'S LINKS: FOR LEONARD COHEN FANS... http://www.leonardcohenimyourman.com/ FOR THE CHEAPEST AIR FARES WE’VE SEEN... http://www.kayak.com/ FOR AMAZING TECHNOLOGY DEALS ONCE A DAY... http://www.woot.com/ ===========================================================

53

FW’S NEWSLETTERS - AUGUST 2006 Copyright William R. Idol 2005

=========================================================== THE CENTER FOR THIRD AGE NEWSLETTER - AUGUST 2006 1.

2.

3.

4.

5.

6.

FATHER WILLIAM’S MONTHLY MUSINGS WHY AM I DOING WHAT I’M DOING? THE LEADER’S NEXT JOURNEY CHOOSING CONSCIOUS ELDERHOOD SKOAL: THE BENEFITS OF DRINKING THIS MONTH'S LINKS

=========================================================== THIS MONTH’S QUOTE – THOMAS A. EDISON "Hell, there are no rules here-- we're trying to accomplish something." =========================================================== 1. FATHER WILLIAM’S MONTHLY MUSINGS When I came across this quote of Edison's, I loved it on sight. It's been my attitude through much of life and has generally worked out pretty well.

It was the meta-message of most of my teaching and corporate consulting.

Now this "no rules here" wisdom is guiding me through Third Age. That's because Third Age is a new frontier where the old rules don't apply.

Pioneering generations like ours create new homes and lives in unknown territory. We have to discover what works in the new world and let go of what doesn't. The letting go is more difficult than the discovering in my experience.

Old habits, perspectives and beliefs die hard - especially those continually and powerfully reinforced by surrounding cultural institutions.

Our Second Age obsession with achievement, status and wealth is a collection of such habitual beliefs, and is very difficult to release without deep reflection usually initiated by a life-changing experience.

This month's second piece, “WHY AM I DOING WHAT I’M DOING?” is a real wake-up call for all of us.

It introduces CEO Eugene O’Kelly’s personal experience with this phenomenon and the posthumous book that resulted from it, “Chasing Daylight.”

54

FW’S NEWSLETTERS - AUGUST 2006 Copyright William R. Idol 2005

This month’s third and fourth pieces offer gentler ways to give yourself a Third Age wake-up call. "THE LEADER’S NEXT JOURNEY" focuses on making the difficult transformation from organizational position, status and achievement to personal fulfillment.

"CHOOSING CONSCIOUS ELDERHOOD" puts this work in the context of ancient tribal tradition.

There are many "no rules here" environments that can help you on your journey into Third Age and to becoming fully who you are. I encourage you to avail yourself of such support because it’s almost impossible to make this transformation immersed in Second Age society.

There’s one more source of support I highly recommend. Even though Third Age is a new frontier for many, there are those who have done much pioneering already. The territory is unknown to us not because it's virgin, but because we, and many of our forebears, haven't experienced it.

This can make the journey seem scary and even overwhelming.

Our Second Age egos would like to think we're the first to take on such a frightening challenge (this is why Lewis and Clark's expedition still gets so much press). Such arrogance is a mistake. Without Sacagawea and others like her, Lewis and Clark might still be this side of the Rockies.

One of my most important supports in my own Third Age transformation is my own version of Sacagawea. I call him Elder Ed. We met three years ago in a Third Age retreat and have stayed in almost daily e-mail contact since.

His patience, understanding and wisdom have been a continuing beacon for me, and especially in the difficult times. I was lucky to find Ed because my family has no tradition of elders and guidance across generations. If your family does, you are very fortunate. If you're generationally adrift like me, I can't recommend strongly enough that you find your own version of Sacagawea or Elder Ed or Miyagi or Yoda or Gandalf…

More Father William and Elder Ed at www.FatherWilliam.org =========================================================== 2. WHY AM I DOING WHAT I’M DOING?

BY STEFAN STERN Eugene O’Kelly was at the top of his game. The 53-year-old chairman and chief executive of KPMG in the US was working hard, supporting a happy family, maintaining a busy social life and making plans for a long, wellearned retirement.

55

FW’S NEWSLETTERS - AUGUST 2006 Copyright William R. Idol 2005

Last May he went for a check-up with a neurologist to investigate a slight facial droop, which he presumed was caused by Bell’s palsy or some other stress-related complaint. A scan revealed he was suffering from terminal brain cancer and had only three months to live.

As Mr O’Kelly explains in “Chasing Daylight,” his account, published posthumously, of his final weeks of life, he looked on this news as a kind of blessing. He would have 100 days to make a good death: to say goodbye to colleagues, friends and family, and to plan a future for his wife and children. Like the accountant he was, Mr. O’Kelly wanted to close the book on his life and leave his affairs in good order.

The diagnosis also got him thinking about his career and what it had truly meant. “Before my illness, I had considered commitment king among virtues,” he writes. “After I was diagnosed, I came to consider consciousness king among virtues.”

This was no death-bed conversion to sloppy sentimentalism. Mr. O’Kelly now believed, like Socrates, that “the unconsidered life is not worth living.”

And he felt sorry for colleagues and peers who had not had the chance to reflect more seriously on their lives…

For the rest of the article, go to: http://www.ft.com/cms/s/8bdf02da-d3b2-11da-b2f3-0000779e2340,s01=1.html =========================================================== 3. THE LEADER’S NEXT JOURNEY THE CENTER FOR THIRD AGE LEADERSHIP Personal transformation is hard.

Each transformation demands we lose – and then grow – a new identity that will work in our new station in life.

Remember crossing the divides between childhood and adolescence, high school and being grown up, single and married, individual and parent, worker and supervisor?

Recall those journeys fully and you’ll remember the anxiety as well as the excitement: “What are they thinking about me?”

“Am I doing okay?” Can I really do this?”

Isn’t it great we’re past all that? But those transformations were a snap compared to moving into Third Age. Why? Because we wanted to be teenagers, grown ups, married, parents and successful. Who wants to get old?

56

FW’S NEWSLETTERS - AUGUST 2006 Copyright William R. Idol 2005

AS ONE DOOR CLOSES… As Second Age comes to an end, we may wonder, "What's next?" Or, as Peggy Lee sang, "Is this all there is?"

These can be difficult questions when leaving an organizational leadership role to grow older on our own, particularly in cultures that glorify youthful activity.

In societies like ours the riches of maturity and Third Age are invisible to most, especially to leaders who have been in the "center of the action” for three decades or more. Who are we when we no longer have or want all that activity and “busy-ness” as the point of our lives? What sacrifices have we made to our careers?

ANOTHER DOOR OPENS… What dreams have we left behind along the way? What new opportunities for contribution might be waiting for us? What’s next?

Perhaps these questions are there for you now; perhaps that time is still some years away. In either case, the work to make the profound transformation into Third Age takes longer and is more difficult than most people imagine. But in recent years some helpful maps for guiding our journey into this new frontier have emerged.

If it’s time for you to create a renewed sense of identity and new directions for your talents and leadership, consider embarking on THE LEADER'S NEXT JOURNEY… http://www.thirdagecenter.com/LNJ-flyer.pdf =========================================================== 4. CHOOSING CONSCIOUS ELDERHOOD

BY RON PEVNY Six mature adults and their three guides, each engaged in silent prayer, stand on a point at the edge of a richly forested mesa in Utah. The chill of a late-Springtime dawn at 8500 feet is being dispelled as the sun rises over the high peaks a mile or two to the east and sunlight gradually envelops the point, making luminous the new green of the oak brush emerging from a long, cold winter. The raven soaring overhead pierces the silence as it calls the world to come to life and revel in a new day. The walls of the high-desert canyons that intersect 1000 feet below where they stand 57

FW’S NEWSLETTERS - AUGUST 2006 Copyright William R. Idol 2005

are emerging from darkness to reveal a stunning palette of color ranging from light gray to beige to vermilion. To the west, and the direction of the Canyonlands, it seems one can see forever. A new day has begun in the season of new beginnings for a group of people seeking new ways of being in their Elder years…

For the rest of the article, go to: http://www.animas.org/ElderQuestArticle.pdf =========================================================== 5. SKOAL: THE BENEFITS OF DRINKING NICHOLAS BAKALAR Another bit of “no rules here” wisdom…

A Danish study involving almost 60,000 men and women concluded that alcohol may be the best medicine for keeping the heart healthy.

Differences were found in how much of the medicine helps the heart to keep the beat.

Each person gave information about their eating and drinking each week.

A drink was defined as approximately 1/2 ounce of alcohol.

The participants were studied for almost six years, and at the beginning of the study all were free of heart disease.

At the end of six years there were 749 heart disease cases among the women, and 1,238 for the men.

Interestingly, drinking histories indicated that for men, the more they drank, the lower their risk of heart disease. Those who drank once a week lowered their risk by about 7%. Those who drank every day had a 41% lower risk than those who did not drink at all.

For women, one drink a week lowered the risk by 36%, with no gain for drinking more than that.

While it was not clear why the difference in genders, researchers suggested that for women the alcohol may boost estrogen production, which falls after menopause.

(Approximately 80% of the women in the study were post-menopausal.)

From: “Drinking and health: Another Gender Divide” by Nicholas Bakalar.

International Herald Tribune, June 8, 2006, pg. 11, and “The Positive Aging Newsletter” by Kenneth and Mary Gergen, Issue #38. =========================================================== 58

FW’S NEWSLETTERS - AUGUST 2006 Copyright William R. Idol 2005

6. THIS MONTH'S LINKS: BE THE CENTER OF YOUR FAMILY WITH A FREE WEBSITE... www.familylobby.com/tell-me-more.asp WANT TO LEAVE A VERY INTIMATE LEGACY? www.prweb.com//releases/Silent/Hands/prweb416544.htm SPEAKING OF TRANSFORMATIONS, REMEMBER WERNER ERHARD? http://www.transformationfilm.com/film_summary.htm http://skepdic.com/est.html ===========================================================

59

FW’S NEWSLETTERS - SEPTEMBER 2006 Copyright William R. Idol 2005

=========================================================== THE CENTER FOR THIRD AGE NEWSLETTER - SEPTEMBER 2006 1.

2.

3.

4.

5.

6.

7.

FATHER WILLIAM’S MONTHLY MUSINGS BUILD A LIFE PORTFOLIO WOMEN OF A CERTAIN AGE WHO AM I ANYWAY? AM I MY RÉSUMÉ?

HOW NOT TO FAIL RETIREMENT EGO, ESSENCE & THIRD AGE THIS MONTH'S LINKS

=========================================================== THIS MONTH’S QUOTE – LAO TZU “A leader is best when people barely know he exists, when his work is done, his aim fulfilled, they will say: we did it ourselves.” =========================================================== 1. FATHER WILLIAM’S MONTHLY MUSINGS At the end of this month Center colleagues will gather in Vermont to enjoy and learn from one another. As part of this reunion, some of us will offer our newest thinking as part of “THE LEADER’S NEXT JOURNEY” (see #7), so it seems appropriate these musings should be about leadership.

I’ll begin with a story from 1985…

THE ESSENCE OF LEADERSHIP – M.B.M I'd been invited to Oslo, Norway, to present our “Visions & Systems” Leadership Program for a select group of European executives.

These were world-class leaders who had enormous experience, intelligence and authority. They were used to leading, not being led. Even though I was a young punk in my forties back then, I knew enough not to think I was their teacher. Instead I had them open the program by each giving a talk to the group. The topic was: “What Is the Essence of Leadership?”

All the talks were good, but one stood out and I remember it to this day.

Ingrid was a vice president for a major airline. She began by saying: “For me, the essence of leadership is M.B.M." 60

FW’S NEWSLETTERS - SEPTEMBER 2006 Copyright William R. Idol 2005

"M. B. M.," I remember thinking, "what the hell is that?"

"M. B. M. stands for "Managing By Mothering," she said, "because it was in raising my children I learned most of what has made me successful in my leadership, and I feel sorry for the men around me who haven't raised children because they’re at such a disadvantage. They make their leadership difficult in ways no experienced mother would dream of.”

As you might imagine, this raised a few male hackles around the room, including my own. But Ingrid went right on and within minutes had at least all of us who were fathers eating right out of her hand.

"For example," she said, "if you've raised a four-year-old you know you never ask the question, ‘What do you want for dinner?’ because the answer is likely to be ‘Ice cream and cake’ or some other nonsense you're not about to do.

What you say is, ‘Do you want a ham or tuna fish sandwich for dinner?’

"In other words, you give choice among options you’re willing to live with.

This is the essence of participatory leadership.

For years I've watched the men around me ask, ‘What do you think we should do here?’ and then have to spend enormous energy dealing with inappropriate requests that should never have been on the table. Of course there are times when you want out-of-the-box, off-the-wall thinking, but not when the point is to get dinner made.

When you want creativity, you structure productive brainstorming sessions; when you want day-to-day efficiency, you structure simple, practical choices. Any mother knows this, but not enough fathers do.”

But this was not Ingrid’s most powerful lesson for me.

She went on to give another example of how not to do things with people, young or old: "The most frequent and costly error I see the men around me make," she said, "is resisting energy instead of guiding it.

If you've managed a two-year-old boy, you know you only resist the direction of his energy as a last resort.

If he’s doing something you don't want, you don't block that energy - you guide it into a more productive channel.

In other words, you give him something more interesting to do. With two-year-olds, if you make them stop you get tantrums.”

I knew what Ingrid was talking about before she finished this example.

Matt had just turned three in 1985, and I’d created more tantrums in the previous twelve months than I could count. For whatever reasons, I, like 61

FW’S NEWSLETTERS - SEPTEMBER 2006 Copyright William R. Idol 2005

a lot of men, react very poorly to having our authority challenged. When Matt was doing something I didn't like, I would tell him to stop.

He would keep doing it. I’d tell him to stop again, adding a threat of banishment to his room.

He'd keep on doing.

In no time I’d have escalated us to nuclear confrontation, picked him up by his little arms, carried him to his room, plopped him solidly on his bed and said, "And you'll stay here until you learn to do as you’re told!" The result of my actions was to make us both unhappy and negatively charge the entire atmosphere of our home. Not what I’d call inspired leadership by a long shot.

As Ingrid spoke, I remembered how differently Matt's mom, Nancy, handled these same situations. When Matt was doing something she didn't like, she would pick up some interesting object and say, "Oh, Matt, look at that this! Isn't this amazing? Look how it…” and Matt would come over to her, get fascinated with this new possibility and the difficulty would be resolved with no escalation or crisis at all.

It wasn't until I heard Ingrid tell this story that I understood how off-base I’d been.

I always thought Nancy was "weak" because she let her authority be challenged.

Now, instead of thinking Nancy was a weak and I was strong, I understood Nancy was smart and I was stupid.

For almost twenty-one years I've told this story to remind myself that guiding energy works so much better than resisting it, and I still too often confront rather than collaborate.

Again, having the concept doesn't make up for missing the experience. I often wonder if those men now lucky enough to be raising their children are developing leadership capacities that are second nature to most mothers.

The best part of Ingrid’s talk was her closing line: “If you've been a mother, you already have the essence of great leadership within you.

All you have to do is remember that five-year-olds come in all ages.”

I knew she was right in 1985, and I know she's still right in 2006. There are times each day when one of my "hot buttons" gets pushed, and I am at best five years old.

After 68 years of watching people closely, I know this is true for all of us.

The major difference between Ingrid and I (and maybe many women and men) is that she sees these regressions as obvious and normal whereas I still think of them as inexcusable personal failures in both myself and others.

How much better my life and leadership would be if I could respond to the adult five-year-olds in my life as a loving mother responds to a child in distress!

62

FW’S NEWSLETTERS - SEPTEMBER 2006 Copyright William R. Idol 2005

So what does Ingrid’s story have to do with helping leaders make a personal transformation into Third Age? A great deal, I think. Just as many of us never considered “mothering” skills relevant to Second Age leadership, we may also be missing the shift in leadership required to be a Third Age Elder.

For an approximation, try describing the difference in attitudes and behaviors between being a great parent and a great grandparent (or between being Princess Leia and Yoda or between Aragorn and Gandalf).

Today’s world is desperately seeking mature Elders.

If we are to answer that call, we need to open ourselves to the possibilities of Third Age Identity. This is a profoundly different and deeper process than extending Second Age by denying who we’ve become and clinging to the trappings of youth.

While you may not be able to make it to “THE LEADER’S NEXT JOURNEY” on September 30th, I hope the following workshop descriptions (#2-#6) will aid your thinking about this “different and deeper process” of creating your personal Third Age Identity. The world needs you…

More on “THE LEADER’S NEXT JOURNEY” at: http://www.thirdagecenter.com/LNJ-flyer.pdf More Father William at www.FatherWilliam.org =========================================================== 2. WORKSHOP: BUILD A LIFE PORTFOLIO DR. WILLIAM SADLER How might you design a fulfilling Third Age Life Portfolio and why? What questions should you be raising about yourself? Your relationships? Your community? Your legacy? What obstacles might you encounter, and how will you overcome them? Learn what Bill’s research has taught us and begin to build your own life portfolio.

Dr. William Sadler did the original research that led to his eye-opening book, “The Third Age, 6 Principles of Growth and Renewal after 40”.

His most recent book, written with Jim Krefft, is titled, “Changing Course: A Cure For The Common Retirement.” =========================================================== 63

FW’S NEWSLETTERS - SEPTEMBER 2006 Copyright William R. Idol 2005

3. WORKSHOP: WOMEN OF A CERTAIN AGE NANCY COSGRIFF We’ll explore the issues and challenges in our culture facing women over 50. What popular images have we internalized? Which help and which hinder? How might we create a positive, authentic identity as women in Third Age? Here we will share some of our experience, look at strong feminine models/archetypes and open up new awareness and opportunity for ourselves.

Nancy Cosgriff, a woman in her sixties, has worked as a consultant to leaders and organizations and as a teacher, facilitator, personal coach and spiritual guide. She is currently working on a doctoral degree in spirituality studies. =========================================================== 4. WORKSHOP: WHO AM I ANYWAY?

AM I MY RÉSUMÉ?

MELIA DEBELLIS & LES ROSENBLOOM Letting go of our professional identities – and that sense of being a leader - to find a deeper sense of self is tough work. The opportunity of this journey is to fully become who you are as you step into “what’s next.” Perhaps it will be unlike anything you’ve done before; maybe you are concerned others won’t understand. Who is that person who will make that dream happen? And how will you do it?

Through powerful discussion, hands on exercises, and the practical lessons from personal experience with this journey, we will help you move forward beyond the roadblocks to a place of vision clarification and planning of next steps.

Dr. Les Rosenbloom was Director of The Center for Professional Development at Corning Community College. In his first year of retirement he’s experiencing the challenges and opportunities of stepping into a different, yet meaningful life.

Melita DeBellis, a recovering attorney and HR professional, knows the fulfillment that comes from journeying through transformation and finding one’s passion. As a Life and Career Coach, she is passionate about helping others know the same.

64

FW’S NEWSLETTERS - SEPTEMBER 2006 Copyright William R. Idol 2005

=========================================================== 5. WORKSHOP: HOW NOT TO FAIL RETIREMENT JIM KREFFT Many stumble badly trying to transition from the world of work; in short, they fail retirement.

In co-writing “Changing Course” with Bill Sadler, Jim uncovered five major reasons people fail retirement. Learn which of the five might put you at risk of failing your retirement, and learn strategies to counterbalance these obstacles.

Jim Krefft has 20 years experience implementing large-scale organizational change. He specializes in helping others build workable action plans for change. Jim also co-authored “Powerhouse Partners: A Blueprint for Building Organizational Culture for Breakaway Results.” =========================================================== 6. WORKSHOP: EGO, ESSENCE & THIRD AGE BILL IDOL Third Age offers the possibility of creating a true partnership between our egos and our Real Selves. This takes time and isn’t easy.

In 2001 I retired from my Second Age life. I'd made personal transformations before, but this time there was no place attractive to go. All our culture and AARP offered was "stay young" and "remain active." “Hanging on” to what was made no sense to me.

With wise guidance, Third Age has become the most delightful period of my life. Come ready to explore the paradoxical Third Age process of aligning Ego and Essence – and to laugh a lot!

Bill Idol has 68 years of life experience. Since 1969 he's specialized in the psychological dimensions of leadership and advised business executives across the world. Now he uses his experience to help others enjoy their own transformations into Third Age. =========================================================== 65

FW’S NEWSLETTERS - SEPTEMBER 2006 Copyright William R. Idol 2005

7. THIS MONTH'S LINKS: TRAVELING WITH A PET? http://www.petswelcome.com/ INTERESTED IN COMPARING THE WORLD’S RELIGIONS? http://www.himalayanacademy.com/resources/books/hbh/hbh_ch-6.html HERE’S ANOTHER APPROACH TO GOLF (JUST FOR YOU, LANCE)… http://www.naturalgolf.com/MoeStory.aspx ===========================================================

66

FW’S NEWSLETTERS - OCTOBER 2006 Copyright William R. Idol 2005

=========================================================== THE CENTER FOR THIRD AGE NEWSLETTER - OCTOBER 2006 1.

2.

3.

4.

5.

6.

FATHER WILLIAM’S MONTHLY MUSINGS PARADOX, CONTEMPLATION & BEING A CAR SALESMAN YOU CAN TRUST ENTERING OUR THIRD AGE LIVE LONG? DIE YOUNG? ANSWER ISN'T JUST IN GENES THIS MONTH'S LINKS

=========================================================== THIS MONTH’S QUOTE – BEV STANFORD, CLASS OF 1956 "These are the mellow years, thank goodness." =========================================================== 1. FATHER WILLIAM’S MONTHLY MUSINGS Two weeks ago I went to my 50th high school reunion and came away with gifts of new and deeper relationships than I ever imagined would occur.

The quote above is from one of my classmates, and I think she got it exactly right: "These are the mellow years, thank goodness.”

Connections are possible now that were never possible then.

Even though we were small class, like all adolescent groups, we had our cliques.

I was so determined to be part of what I considered the “ingroup” that I literally couldn't see the riches many others had to offer.

This isn't true 50 years later, and what helped me know it was this piece Carol Scholz Gambino wrote in advance: "First a disclaimer: "We've all attended events covered by the press, and I suspect in reading the paper the next day, we've all wondered if the press attended the same event we did.

"So, I'd venture, it would be with any description of our years at Burroughs.

Each of us might wonder if we were at the same place at the same time.

Were we to take a vote, how many would say, ‘the best of times?’ How many ‘the worst?’ I'd be willing to wager ‘the worsts’ have it. But it was a vastly different experience for all.

67

FW’S NEWSLETTERS - OCTOBER 2006 Copyright William R. Idol 2005

"I've thought a bit about why I'm coming to this reunion and what I really want/need to accomplish.

First, of course, I want to see my old friends. But it's much more than that. I'd like to have a chance to talk to those of you I never really knew, mainly to learn new things.

Not to go home with regret, but to go home with ‘value added.’

Ultimately I'd like to remember the children we were -- and we were children -- and rejoice in our adulthood 50 years later. Too, for those who have become too adult and entirely too proper, I hope we all can go home with just a little of that spark of rebellion that got us through the Class of 1956 at John Burroughs School."

These thoughts of Carol's helped me approach and connect with old and new friends much differently than I had done in the past.

In e-mails since, classmates and have said things like: “What a reunion! Felt like graduation, saying good bye...You all feel like cousins, and I take family pride in how well everyone is doing and how great everyone looks.”

“I loved the 50th. Thank you all for being who you are, and for having been a part of my life.

“A final thought. Knowing that in high school I was sometimes unkind to others, I hope a kind of blanket "amends" will be acceptable if my antics ever hurt or offended any of you. If they did, please let me know so that I can make my apology a more personal one.”

“It was the best! ... and we certainly improved with age. low, I suppose.”

Yes, mel-

So what does our 50th high school reunion offer to the rest of you out there?

Maybe a bit of motivation to reconnect with someone in your past who, like you, has grown into “the mellow years."

For me, experiencing how wonderful these old acquaintances have become was liberating.

It was like being surrounded by mirrors reflecting my own growth back to me. If they’ve evolved and matured so much, then probably I have, too.

The same goes for all of us in Third Age. I encourage you to find some old mirrors reflect your emerging beauty back to you…

More Father William at www.FatherWilliam.org =========================================================== 2. PARADOX, CONTEMPLATION & BEING 68

FW’S NEWSLETTERS - OCTOBER 2006 Copyright William R. Idol 2005

WITH GLENDA BISSEX Glenda and I were teachers together 43 years ago at the Francis Parker School in Chicago.

She not only hired me into the best job of my life, but she was also my original inspiration to migrate to Vermont.

We’ve stayed in touch over the years, and her comments on some of my Musings are, as always, profound…

“You wouldn't know it from my silence but I've read and appreciated your monthly messages. I even have notes for some responses: “PARADOX--Yes! I'm finding this key, very difficult to sustain, and very rewarding when I can. I gain support from my Buddhist practice; certainly not from modern Western culture, which wants me to be logical.

“NO POSITIVE IMAGES OF CONTEMPLATION--how true. Just look at the AARP Magazine (which you may not look at), and which claims to have the largest circulation of any magazine. If a woman is on the cover, she's 70 but looks 45. "Successful aging" is belying your age and keeping up with activities of the younger generation. Stay young or rot, mentally and physically, seem to be the options.

“IS "BEING" REALLY "INACTIVE"? Like meditation, it's only externally inactive--something a culture devoted to externals has a hard time seeing.

The stillness of the body allows another range of inner activity/ exploration…”

I couldn't agree more with Glenda, and people I admire have tried to tell me about the reality of this inner activity and exploration for decades.

I've got five children and four grandchildren. I want to help them understand that there’s another world waiting for them as they age. It’s this internal universe Glenda writes about, and I wish it could be as a real to young people as the physical decline that makes it possible.

But that wishing may be just another one of my mistakes. I didn't know at 8 that I was really going to like girls at 12 just like I didn't know a 12 I was going to love mowing lawns in my 30’s.

And at 30 I had no idea that I’d love staying home on the weekends at 50.

Perhaps the inability to correctly anticipate our future is part of it being our future.

Still, now that I'm enjoying my Third Age so much, I wish the images and corresponding expectations of our latter years were not so negative. Yes, there’s value in having reality exceed our expectations.

If I expect something’s going to cost me $40 and it only costs me $35, I'm happy. By the same token, if I think the same thing is going to cost me $30 and it costs me $35, I'm unhappy. But our expectations of aging are so exagger69

FW’S NEWSLETTERS - OCTOBER 2006 Copyright William R. Idol 2005

ated toward the negative that I think they actually help create the negative reality we're so afraid of.

The basic premise of NLP is right on the way we phrase reality is the way we’re going to live it.

So how can we help each other and our kids anticipate the potential of Third Age for “being, stillness and inner exploration” more positively?

That's a question worth answering, and Glenda offers some great pointers in her book Partial Truths. You can find it at: http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/0435072242/sr=8-4/qid=1144389888/ref=sr_1 _4/104-3707954-3647915?%5Fencoding=UTF8 =========================================================== 3. A CAR SALESMAN YOU CAN TRUST

BY DANIEL KADLEC, TIME, JULY 31, 2006 Robert Chambers, 62, wanted to scale back his work hours and responsibility. So he left his career in computer services and began selling cars, seeing it as a fun way to stay as busy as he wanted while generating some income. But he quickly grew disillusioned with his new job. "I got sick of watching guys high-five behind glass walls" after they had bullied someone "who makes $10 an hour" into overpaying, he says.

That's when Chambers discovered his calling. He founded Bonnie CLAC (Car Loans and Counseling), a nonprofit that attempts to negotiate fair car prices for the working poor and offers them low-rate loans. Since launching his firm in Lebanon, N.H., five years ago, Chambers has underwritten $10 million in loans, and his clients have saved an average of $7,000 over the life of their loan, he says.

Chambers and others like him are an emerging face of philanthropy in the U.S. Individually, they will never have the impact of, say, Bill Gates, whose foundation can lay claim to assets that dwarf the gross domestic product of many not-so-small countries.

But collectively, regular people who have just retired or are approaching retirement age are making their distinctive mark as social entrepreneurs.

And why not?

They are part of the healthiest retirement generation to date. "A second, non-core career with a focus on service will be their hallmark;' predicts Marc Freedman, founder and president of Civic Ventures, a think tank dedicated to helping people find careers and volunteer work as they age.

70

FW’S NEWSLETTERS - OCTOBER 2006 Copyright William R. Idol 2005

Chambers, for his part, takes a salary for his do-good efforts. But that's a small reason he's in the game. "It's changing people's lives;' he says of his loan and counseling service. By making reliable transportation affordable, he helps clients hold a job, which builds their credit.

Civic Ventures recently established a $100,000 Purpose Prize who are over 60 and making a difference in the world. They will be named in September, and all finalists are eligible for a grant to further develop their ideas.

Freedman was worried that he might not get enough nominees, but he has received more than 1500.

Chambers is a finalist. Among the others are Martha Rollins, 63, of Richmond, Va., who runs a furniture store and cafe staffed by ex-convicts; June Simmons, 64, of San Fernando, Calif., whose nonprofit trains social workers to cut down on life-threatening errors in their care of the elderly; and Charles Dey, 75, of Lyme, Conn., who places high school students who have disabilities in paid internships that provide a workplace mentor.

Chambers hopes to use any prize money to expand his New England auto-loan operation across the U.S. If more folks can afford to get to work, more will, he reasons. That's making a difference. =========================================================== 4. ENTERING OUR THIRD AGE

BY DONNA ZAJONC My 55 year old body has new aches and pains each day, sagging skin in all the wrong places and wrinkles reserved only for “old” people. However, as my body ages, my mind and heart become clearer about what questions I want to ask and the contributions I want to make. I don’t believe I am alone.

Over 75 million Baby Boomers are entering their Third Age--that time after Middle Age and before Old Age where our desire for short term comfort gives way to our longing to make a contribution.

I believe history judges the success of each generation by the quality of the questions that are asked rather than the problems that were stressed.

It is the power of the questions, both individually and as a culture that inspires our dreams and visions.

We Baby Boomers began our adulthood in the 60’s asking questions about justice, equality, fairness, and what are the conditions that create a 71

FW’S NEWSLETTERS - OCTOBER 2006 Copyright William R. Idol 2005

world that works for all. As Third Agers, our generation can again ask questions and take action that ushers in a new era of possibility and social transformation.

During our Third Age, the urgency of our questions becomes more pronounced. Time is beginning to run out. Will we Boomers free ourselves from life’s entrapments that prevent us from asking the bigger questions? I believe we will.

For the rest of this article, go to: http://www.dazzleblast.com/blast/archive/23/99/POH_Aug_2006_21_Aug_2006.ht ml =========================================================== 5. LIVE LONG? DIE YOUNG? ANSWER ISN'T JUST IN GENES

BY GINA KOLATA Josephine Tesauro never thought she would live so long. At 92, she is straight backed, firm jawed and vibrantly healthy, living alone in an immaculate brick ranch house high on a hill near McKeesport, a Pittsburgh suburb. She works part time in a hospital gift shop and drives her 1995 white Oldsmobile Cutlass Ciera to meetings of her four bridge groups, to church and to the grocery store. She has outlived her husband, who died nine years ago, when he was 84. She has outlived her friends, and she has outlived three of her six brothers.

Mrs. Tesauro does, however, have a living sister, an identical twin. But she and her twin are not so identical anymore. Her sister is incontinent, she has had a hip replacement, and she has a degenerative disorder that destroyed most of her vision. She also has dementia. “She just does not comprehend,” Mrs. Tesauro says.

Even researchers who study aging are fascinated by such stories. How could it be that two people with the same genes, growing up in the same family, living all their lives in the same place, could age so differently?

The scientific view of what determines a life span or how a person ages has swung back and forth. First, a couple of decades ago, the emphasis was on environment, eating right, exercising, getting good medical care. Then the view switched to genes, the idea that you either inherit the right combination of genes that will let you eat fatty steaks and smoke cigars 72

FW’S NEWSLETTERS - OCTOBER 2006 Copyright William R. Idol 2005

and live to be 100 or you do not. And the notion has stuck, so that these days, many people point to an ancestor or two who lived a long life and assume they have a genetic gift for longevity.

But recent studies find that genes may not be so important in determining how long someone will live and whether a person will get some diseases — except, perhaps, in some exceptionally long-lived families. That means it is generally impossible to predict how long a person will live based on how long the person’s relatives lived...

This is the second article in a series looking at the science of aging.

Other articles will explore body image and frailty and who ages well and why. The articles will remain online at nytimes.com/aging.

A video profile of 92-year-old Josephine Tesauro and how her genes might explain her longevity is online at nytimes.com/health. =========================================================== 6. THIS MONTH'S LINKS: ENJOY A FILM THAT CELEBRATES LOVE AND SEX AT ANY AGE... http://www.boyntonbeachclubthemovie.com/ JOIN A FILM CLUB THAT LIFTS YOUR SPIRIT... http://www.spiritualcinemacircle.com/index.shtml INVESTIGATE THE MULTI-DIMENSIONED LIFE THAT BEGINS AT 50... http://www.eons.com/about/gettingstarted ===========================================================

73

FW’S NEWSLETTERS - NOVEMBER 2006 Copyright William R. Idol 2005

=========================================================== THE CENTER FOR THIRD AGE NEWSLETTER - NOVEMBER 2006 1.

2.

3.

4.

5.

6.

FATHER WILLIAM’S MONTHLY MUSINGS LEARNING TO OPEN UP LIFE IN THE SECOND HALF DON'T MESS WITH GRANDMA! OLD BUT NOT FRAIL: A MATTER OF HEART AND HEAD RETHINKING RETIREMENT: MORE BOOMERS CHOOSING TO WORK THIS MONTH'S LINKS

=========================================================== THIS MONTH’S QUOTE – P.D. OSPENSKY "It is only when we realize that life is taking us nowhere that it begins to have meaning." =========================================================== 1. FATHER WILLIAM’S MONTHLY MUSINGS On September 30 The Center held a day of workshops for Third Age leaders in Montpelier, Vermont (see #2 below).

A few days later I received this from an old friend who'd been in attendance: “There was certainly, by my take, a different ring to your presentation than that of the others...I sense you stand a bit off to the side of the group of The Third Age Center, not only in your own perception but in their eyes as well....”

My friend's perception is spot on.

In a recent exchange with a Center colleague who’s very committed to our work and to helping others find their passion in Third Age, I said, "I'm no longer looking for passion it's serenity that calls me now."

Not that I haven't loved the passions of my life!

How wonderful they were, and how ecstatically I immersed myself in them.

And I imagine I will have a few more such encounters before this life is up.

But these days I consistently choose to relax into acceptance of what is and the peace that comes with that opening. My friend Elder Ed calls it "relaxing into participation” with the Oneness, and this makes more and more sense to me.

74

FW’S NEWSLETTERS - NOVEMBER 2006 Copyright William R. Idol 2005

Put another way, I'm finding my Third Age is primarily about moving into and experiencing realms called, for lack of better terms, "spiritual" and "mystical."

This is the difference my friend noticed a month ago, and it's this difference that makes Ospensky’s quote above so profound to me.

When I thought life was taking me somewhere, the point was to get there, not to be present in this here and now.

Here's how Andrew Harvey uses a few more words to put this same idea: "All major mystical traditions have recognized that there is a paradox at the heart of the journey of return to Origin. ...Put simply, this is that we are already what we seek, and that what we are looking for on the Path with such an intensity of striving and passion and discipline is already within and around us at all moments. The journey and all its different ordeals are all emanations of the One Spirit that is manifesting everything in all dimensions; every rung of the ladder we climb toward final awareness is made of the divine stuff of awareness itself; Divine Consciousness is at once creating and manifesting all things and acting in and as all things in various states of self-disguise throughout all the different levels and dimensions of the universe."

So the possibility I glimpse for this Third Age of mine is, as Elder Ed puts it, to “relax into participation" with the Wholeness that is the Oneness. I'm sure this sounds a little bizarre to many of you; it certainly would've sounded more than little bizarre to me most of my life. But it's what makes sense to me now.

In James Carse’s terms, it's time for me to experience the difference between Finite and Infinite Games. And you know what?

I don't have a lot of company in the human sense (that's why I value my communication Elder Ed and a few others so much). This really is an internal journey, and one's traveling companions come from many different planes. Sometimes I think I'm in the space bar in Star Wars, and it's beginning to feel as homey as Cheers…

Okay, okay, I've gotten pretty far out there this time, and it's where I am. As always I want the BOTH/AND. I want to be "relaxing into participation" and still in touch with life and people I care about.

So far I don't think I’m "laying my religion on my friends," as Joni Mitchell sang, and I certainly don't want to. I truly admire the different passions and paths of my colleagues; without them there wouldn't be a Center for Third Age Leadership!

And it is very difficult to describe, much less share, the intangible realities of those "spiritual" and "mystical" realms. Over the years music has consistently helped me experience phenomena that lay beyond my ra75

FW’S NEWSLETTERS - NOVEMBER 2006 Copyright William R. Idol 2005

tional grasp, especially the lyrics of Paul Simon, Joni Mitchell, Kris Kristofferson and John Denver to mention a few. These words from Denver's "Season's Suite" capture amazingly well the feeling of my current path…

Do you care what’s happening around you Do your senses know the changes when they come Can you see yourself reflected in the seasons Can you understand the need to carry on Riding on the tapestry of all there is to see So many ways and oh so many things Rejoicing in the differences, there’s no one just like me Yet as different as we are we’re still the same And oh I feel And oh A part A part A part

I love the life within me a part of everything I see I love the life within me of everything is here in me of everything is here in me of everything is here in me

P.S. Father William hasn't gone off the deep end entirely; the rest of the newsletter is focused on the more tangible issues of Third Age. Enjoy...

More Father William at www.FatherWilliam.org =========================================================== 2. LEARNING TO OPEN UP LIFE IN THE SECOND HALF

BY MELITA DEBELLIS To retire or not to retire, that is NOT the question. The real question – and opportunity - for boomers contemplating the second half of life is how to open up life by “changing course”.

Such is the focus of the work of The Center for Third Age Leadership, as well as “Changing Course, A Cure for the Common Retirement”, the new book by two of its principles, Dr. William Sadler and Dr. James Krefft.

The concept of “opening up life” and experiencing unprecedented growth and renewal has traditionally not been associated with the later years of life. The Third Age, however, is an emerging life stage corresponding approximately to ages 50 to 80 that has been made possible by our increased 76

FW’S NEWSLETTERS - NOVEMBER 2006 Copyright William R. Idol 2005

longevity.

The hallmark of the Third Age is personal fulfillment, which is possible as one works and learns to shift focus from external expectations to personal, inner-directed understandings of self, success, aging and becoming.

Because we are living longer, we have a longer period to direct our focus inward and experience the growth, renewal and fulfillment that comes from doing so.

Such was the message presented on September 30th during The Center for Third Age Leadership’s day-long program in Montpelier, Vermont entitled “The Leader’s Next Journey”, designed to support individuals in moving beyond the professional roles and identities that have defined them for 20, 30, or 40 years.

Through a series of presentations and workshops led by Drs. Sadler and Krefft and other associates from the Center, participants gained an insight into new options, opportunities and challenges of the Third Age – and learned how to make the most of its unprecedented opportunity.

Among the topics highlighted: a) creatively designing the second half of life by building a Third Age life portfolio; b) the particular issues and concerns of women of a certain age; c) the steps for building a satisfying Third Age identity; and d) finding personal fulfillment in retirement by properly understanding and preparing for it.

Notable among the participants were citizens of Korea, where the forced early retirement of men after years of single-minded focus and dedication to their careers is resulting in a high suicide rate for men.

These guests recognized the crucial need for their male citizens to open themselves up and travel an inward journey of personal transformation in order to identify themselves more fully in a context far beyond their professional roles. Such is the opportunity and lesson available to anyone interested in embracing their complete self to find the promise of Third Age. www.thirdagecenter.com =========================================================== 3. DON'T MESS WITH GRANDMA! An elderly Florida lady did her shopping and, upon returning to her car, found four males in the act of leaving with her vehicle. She dropped her shopping bags and drew her handgun, proceeding to scream at the top of her voice, "I have a gun, and I know how to use it! Get out of the car..!!"

The four men didn't wait for a second invitation.

They got out and ran like mad. The lady, somewhat shaken, then proceeded to load her bags into 77

FW’S NEWSLETTERS - NOVEMBER 2006 Copyright William R. Idol 2005

the back of the car and got into the driver's seat.

She was so shaken that she could not get her key into the ignition.

She tried and tried, and then it dawned on her why.

A few minutes later she found her own car parked four our five spaces farther down. She loaded her bags into the car and drove to the police station.

The sergeant to whom he told the story couldn't stop laughing. He pointed to the other end of the counter, where four pale men were reporting a carjacking by a mad, elderly woman described as white, less than 5 feet tall, glasses, curly white hair, and carrying a large handgun.

MORAL: IF YOU'RE GOING TO HAVE A SENIOR MOMENT, MAKE IT A MEMORABLE ONE! =========================================================== 4. OLD BUT NOT FRAIL: A MATTER OF HEART AND HEAD

BY GINA KOLATA, THE NEW YORK TIMES, OCTOBER 5, 2006 At 79, Dr. Robert Butler, still works 60 hours a week. He is president and chief executive of the International Longevity Center, a research and education foundation in New York and a professor of geriatrics at the Mount Sinai School of Medicine. He says he expects nothing less of himself, attributing his vigor in part to his luck in having excellent health and in part to something more subtle. He never bought into the pervasive stereotypes of old age.

Dr. Butler noticed the problem when he was a medical student. He recalls the private names doctors had for the elderly like crock and old biddy. In the decades since, he says, attitudes among doctors and the general public have not really changed. And, he adds, the stereotypes have an effect. “My experience with older people is that they certainly do get cowed by this,” he said.

But how much, and to what extent people get cowed surprised even researchers. It is hard to avoid seeing or hearing demeaning depictions of the elderly. There are greeting cards that make old people the butt of jokes.

There are phrases like “senior moment” to describe a memory lapse. Then there are the ways older people are treated. For example, researchers find that people use “elderspeak,” speaking louder and using simpler words and sentences when talking to old people.

78

FW’S NEWSLETTERS - NOVEMBER 2006 Copyright William R. Idol 2005

Still, when Becca Levy, a psychologist at Yale University, began her work on stereotypes’ effects on the elderly, she was not sure that she would find anything of note. She had examined the area with a study finding that older people in two cultures with a positive view of aging, China and the deaf Americans, fared better on memory tests than older people in the general American population.

Such studies are tricky, though, because there can be hundreds of differences between cultural groups, and something else could be responsible for the memory differences. So Dr. Levy and her colleagues decided try a method that was used to study the effects of stereotypes about race and gender. The idea is to flash provocative words too quickly for people to be aware they read them.

In her first study, Dr. Levy tested the memories of 90 healthy older people. Then she flashed positive words about aging like “guidance,” “wise,” “alert,” “sage” and “learned” and tested them again. Their memories were better and they even walked faster.

Next, she flashed negative words like “dementia,” “decline,” “senile,” “confused” and “decrepit.” This time, her subjects’ memories were worse, and their walking paces slowed.

Thomas Hess, a psychology professor at North Carolina State University, came to a similar conclusion about the effects of stereotypes of aging.

In his studies, older people did significantly worse on memory tests if they were first told something that would bring to mind aging stereotypes.

It could be as simple as saying the study was on how aging affects learning and memory. They did better on memory tests if Dr. Hess first told them something positive, like saying that there was not much of a decline in memory with age.

But, Dr. Levy wondered, were there long-term effects of believing the stereotypes of aging? She found a study that could provide answers, the Ohio Longitudinal Study of Aging and Retirement. The two-decade-long study included 1,157 people, nearly every resident of Oxford, Ohio, who was 50 or older and was not suffering from dementia. And it had questions about beliefs about aging.

It turned out that people who had more positive views about aging were healthier over time. They lived an average of 7.6 years longer than those of a similar age who did not hold such views, and even had less hearing loss when their hearing was tested three years after the study began. The 79

FW’S NEWSLETTERS - NOVEMBER 2006 Copyright William R. Idol 2005

result persisted when the investigators took in account the participants’ health at the start of the study, as well as their age, gender, and socioeconomic status.

Some like Dr. Suzman were swayed, but Dr. Hodes urges caution. As provocative as the data may be, he notes, the studies cannot tell for sure what is cause and what is effect. It may be that people who had negative attitudes about aging somehow knew that they were not really well.

Dr. Hodes confesses that in this case indirect studies may be the best that can be done. To obtain direct evidence would require randomly assigning some participants to keep hearing negative comments about themselves as they age and others to hear positive things. “How ethical would that be?” he asks.

If it is true that perceptions of aging affect memory, behavior and health — and many researchers are betting that they do — that may bode well for today’s middle-age people, Dr. Levy says. They may not be quite so willing to declare themselves old when they reach their 60’s and beyond and they may be less likely to believe the stereotypes of old age.

Still, Dr. Levy and others say, it can be difficult to resist the pervasive stereotypes of aging. Many people may accept them without realizing it.

“Then they become a self-fulfilling prophecy,” Dr. Levy said.

But not for people like Dr. Butler or Mr. Bialokur, who managed to escape that trap. Others, too, say they have thrived simply by ignoring the stereotypes.

Anita Vazzano, who turned 75 on Aug. 9, says she just does not give old age much of a thought. A widow who lives alone, she still works, taking a bus each day from her home in Bensonhurst, Brooklyn, to her office in Manhattan. She knows many people become weak and frail when they grow old, but that is not her, she says. “It has to happen someday, but that day is so far off,” Mrs. Vazzano says.

She knows the stereotypes. She has seen the offensive greeting cards. And she hates them.

“If I was old,” she says, then catches herself and laughs. In her view, she adds, old age, “is not going to happen for a long time.”

80

FW’S NEWSLETTERS - NOVEMBER 2006 Copyright William R. Idol 2005

http://www.nytimes.com/2006/10/05/health/05age.html?ei=5070&en=f4413a6f62f 54f39&ex=1162094400&adxnnl=1&adxnnlx=1161922795-wOv3+vAkMB/UnT8GYb818w =========================================================== 5. RETHINKING RETIREMENT: MORE BOOMERS CHOOSING TO WORK

BY TAYLOR GANDOSSY, CNN, OCTOBER 26, 2006 As a high tech executive, Jean Dibner managed people and money. Now, instead of supervising employees, she controls clay and bronze, drawing in details instead of dollars.

"I had accidentally stumbled upon sculpture when I was taking a pottery class," Dibner said, explaining her leap from the high-tech world to art.

"It didn't matter if I was good at it or not, I really did want to try it."

A decade later, after voluntarily retiring from the high-tech world, her sculptures are award-winning and mostly commissioned.

As companies pare away pension plans and the future of Social Security seems increasingly precarious, more and more baby boomers are choosing to work beyond the age of traditional retirement.

But others, like Dibner, see a prolonged career as a way to explore new interests or test untried talents.

Nearly six in 10 baby boomers who intend to work after retirement say they want a job that gives them a greater sense of purpose, according to a 2005 MetLife Foundation/Civic Ventures New Face of Work Survey.

"The baby boomers were the first generation to have a lot more career freedom, but it seems like [for] at least some of them, that ended up not being the case," Randall Hansen, a career advice writer for the Web site Quintessential Careers, said.

"They fell into a job that they kind of hated or didn't get as much satisfaction from but stayed in because of first mortgages, and then college tuitions, and now that their kids are out of college, now they finally feel like they have the freedom to change careers."

For Bob Shipley, retiring was a step toward freedom. "I decided I didn't want to do that anymore," he said of his 30-year career as a general man81

FW’S NEWSLETTERS - NOVEMBER 2006 Copyright William R. Idol 2005

ager in the laundry business. Marrying his business savvy to an interest in wine, he and business partner Craig Ciciarri established a New Jerseybased company that allows people to make their own customized wine, picking everything from the grapes to the bottle's label.

"If you take your passion and take what you know, you probably have a pretty good business idea," he said. His 5-year-old company, California Wine Works, brings in about 150 student-customers each year, who in turn make about 12,000 bottles of wine, he said.

Planning for retirement has always been focused on money, Marika Stone and Howard Stone, authors of "Too Young to Retire," said.

But after people nail down their financial need -- their IRAs, and their 401(k) plans -the next thing that comes up is: "What am I going to do with the time?"

Marika said. "And it can be a very terrifying thing to people who haven't given it any thought at all."

Sheila and Letty Sustrin, twin sisters who taught kindergarten and first grade side by side for 38 years, said retirement was not only terrifying, it was unimaginable. "We'd been fighting it for many years," Letty said.

But a financially appealing retirement package convinced them to leave their classrooms in 1998, and they said they had to find a way to pass the time. "We'd always wanted to write," Letty said. So they did, spinning out in 2002 "The Teacher Who Would Not Retire," a children's tale not so far from their experiences. Surprised by the book's success, they wrote "The Teacher Who Would Not Retire Goes to Camp," which was released three years later.

"We go to children's groups and private and parochial schools," Sheila said. They read to young children, and teach about retirement. Their second careers are as fulfilling as their first, the sisters said.

Although some employees sitting in cubicles may long for the end to their work lives, sun-drenched days with tee-times, knitting and visiting the grandchildren, Howard Stone said retirees shouldn't retire, at least in the traditional sense of the word.

"Those who say 'I'll never work again' are making a major, major mistake.

Because they're going to find themselves adrift, away from a community purpose and a sense," he said.

Dibner, who spends her days coaxing life from stone -- forming the bump of a pregnant belly, a man's folded forehead, a boy's unruly curls -- said work is how she's found herself.

82

FW’S NEWSLETTERS - NOVEMBER 2006 Copyright William R. Idol 2005

"Once you begin doing this sort of thing, I think there's not a way of turning it off," Dibner said. "Sculpture is not something I do, it's really who I am." =========================================================== 6. THIS MONTH'S LINKS: VEGGIES, NOT FRUIT, SLOW MEMORY LOSS BEST... http://www.rush.edu/rumc/page-1134772424562.html READY TO KISS THE CORPORATE LIFE GOODBYE? http://www.escapefromcubiclenation.com/get_a_life_blog/2006/04/real_life_e xamp.html BEAUTY IS NOT EVEN SKIN DEEP http://www.campaignforrealbeauty.com/home_films_evolution_v2.swf WHAT DO OLD PEOPLE DO WHEN THEY GET BORED? http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1WaF4WS-yaU ===========================================================

83

FW’S NEWSLETTERS - DECEMBER 2006 Copyright William R. Idol 2005

=========================================================== THE CENTER FOR THIRD AGE NEWSLETTER - DECEMBER 2006 1.

2.

3.

4.

5.

6.

FATHER WILLIAM’S MONTHLY MUSINGS “COACHING FOR THIRD AGE FULFILLMENT™” TELECLASS VIDEO GAME THAT TEACHES MATURITY INSTEAD OF VIOLENCE NINTENDO COURTS THE GRAYER GAMER AT AARP ELDERS USE REALITY TV TO IMPROVE POLITICAL LEADERSHIP THIS MONTH'S LINKS

=========================================================== THIS MONTH’S QUOTE – LILY TOMLIN

“The trouble with the rat race is that even if you win, you're still a rat.” =========================================================== 1. FATHER WILLIAM’S MONTHLY MUSINGS

In last month's Musings I wrote: "I'm no longer looking for passion - it's serenity that calls me now. Not that I haven't loved the passions of my life!

How wonderful they were, and how ecstatically I immersed myself in them. And I imagine I will have a few more such encounters before this life is up. But these days I consistently choose to relax into acceptance of what is and the peace that comes with that opening.

My friend Elder Ed calls it relaxing into participation with the Oneness, and this makes more and more sense to me.”

Elder Ed sent this in response: “I want to comment on your remarks about passion or serenity. When an engine is not capable of functioning it is generally regarded as junk-when humans are incapable of functioning we often ask why that is so....is it because of lack of passion?

“In this elder community I can watch old persons like myself "performing" under many different circumstances...it's interesting to observe the differences among the residents (we have about 800 total now that the new building has been completed--some of the newer ones are only about 84

FW’S NEWSLETTERS - DECEMBER 2006 Copyright William R. Idol 2005

your age.) How does it look to me? Is there any "passion" among them? I guess it all depends on what you mean by having passion (just as it could be asked about whether a person exudes "serenity") I'd sum it up as being more important, possibly, to ask whether or not a certain resident here is "genuine" about what he or she is feeling and/or doing. To act with passion is, after all, a relative thing--the same being true for serenity.

And so, in general, the older population appears to be neither passionfilled nor serene. (Of course I'm wondering how I appear to others!)

“If I'm right that genuineness takes precedence over all other considerations, then the question is refocused to examine the authenticity with which one lives--something which seems more significant than whether one does or doesn't have a residue of passion or serenity left in this world! I think that the authentic individual has an inner structure which guides him and maintains a purpose (to which he alone may be privy--if he is even conscious of same). That very authenticity gives him all the essential passion and serenity that he needs.

“How does the resident population here stack up in the authenticity department? I'd say that it is widely divergent, but that individuals who seem authentic appear to be as rare here as in the larger community around us...”

And I wrote this back to Elder Ed: “Thank you for opening this clarity for me. ticity - not passion or serenity!

Of course it's about authen-

“Throughout my earlier life I've been a very passionate person (on more levels than I want to talk about), and that passion got in my way of authenticity a great deal of the time. I imagine it may have been the reverse for you, and that your "observer" was an obstacle to your behaving authentically with others. I'm finding a great deal of authenticity in my serenity, but that certainly doesn't mean that's the path for anyone else.

When we get excited about what's turning up on our path, it's hard to talk about it without implying it’s somehow a "better" path. And you caught me at it once again. Thank you.”

I’m continually amazed at how I can turn virtually anything into a form of competition - into a rat race!

Of course it’s not better to be serene than passionate or old than young. I want to be authentic, I want to be the author of my own life, and I imagine the same is true for all of us.

How wonderful it is to have friends like Elder Ed who lovingly remind us of the deeper truths.

85

FW’S NEWSLETTERS - DECEMBER 2006 Copyright William R. Idol 2005

I love this time of year.

No matter what tradition you follow, it seems the people who began it were committed to living authentically.

Perhaps we could let the spirit of the season remind us to live this part of our lives more authentically, too.

Could there be anything more foundational to a truly fulfilling Third Age? Happy Holidays from Father William...

More Father William at www.FatherWilliam.org =========================================================== 2. “COACHING FOR THIRD AGE FULFILLMENT™” TELECLASS

Nancy Cosgriff, Melita DeBellis and The Center for Third Age Leadership, are pleased to invite you to participate in our Winter 2007 installment of the “Coaching for Third Age Fulfillment™” teleclass. This 12 week program is a training/licensing program especially designed for experienced coaches who are interested in working with that "booming" demographic people around 50 and older who are redefining the look of aging and retirement.

Based on the groundbreaking study of adults in midlife by Dr. William Sadler detailed in “The Third Age – 6 Principles of Growth and Renewal after Forty”, this program will provide you with a step-by-step coaching process utilizing challenging exercises & creative techniques, a Coaching Guide and client Workbook, licensing for use of our coaching materials and logo, a listing as a licensed Third Age Coach on our website, www.ThirdAgeCenter.com, and ongoing support.

The class format involves significant coaching practice using the Third Age coaching concepts and principles.

In addition, participants are highly encouraged to work with a client for the duration of the class utilizing the Coaching for Third Age Fulfillment™ client workbook. Course materials include Dr. Sadler’s book, “The Third Age”.

The teleclass will be held on Tuesday evenings starting on January 9th, 2007 and running through March 27, 2007 (not held Dec 26). The time will be 6:30 to 8:00 p.m. Eastern Time.

The investment is $850.00 plus a $40 materials fee, including a copy of “The Third Age”.

86

FW’S NEWSLETTERS - DECEMBER 2006 Copyright William R. Idol 2005

For details and to register, please click on “upcoming events” on our website, http://www.thirdagecenter.com/Events2.htm.

For questions, please contact Melita or Nancy @ThirdAgeCenter.com. =========================================================== 3. VIDEO GAME THAT TEACHES MATURITY INSTEAD OF VIOLENCE

A HOLIDAY GIFT RECOMMENDATION FROM FATHER WILLIAM How about giving a present this year that helps the youngsters grow in character instead of violence?

A year ago I got one of these for myself and loved it, but I wasn't sure how a dedicated 14 year-old gamer like my grandson, Vincent, would take to it.

After almost a year he still says “it's my favorite game.” His folks and I are delighted because the games’ biofeedback technology actually teaches self-management and meditation skills. I can't recommend “The Journey to Wild Divine” and "Wisdom Quest" highly enough. This year the other grandkids get theirs... https://www.myaffiliateprogram.com/u/wdivine/e.asp?e=3&id=3465 =========================================================== 4. NINTENDO COURTS THE GRAYER GAMER AT AARP

BY ERIC TAUB, THE NEW YORK TIMES, OCTOBER 30, 2006 Over the weekend, the company proved that it believed its own press releases. For the first time, it took its products to Life@50+, an annual event sponsored by AARP, and held this year in Anaheim, Calif. The event, intended for those over 50, attracted more than 20,000 people and featured a wide range of panel discussions, celebrities and exhibitors showcasing products for older Americans.

“Nintendo has never gone after grandparents before,” said Amber McCollom, a senior manager of public relations for Nintendo. “We're targeting this audience for themselves, not just their grandchildren.”

Technology is playing an increased role at the Life@50+ events, said Bruce Sanders, AARP's director of national events. He noted that 18 tech companies were exhibiting this year, compared with 10 when the event was held in Las Vegas in 2004 (the 2005 gathering in New Orleans was canceled because of Hurricane Katrina).

87

FW’S NEWSLETTERS - DECEMBER 2006 Copyright William R. Idol 2005

Still, successfully promoting video games to an audience more used to card games than video ones could be a struggle. Nintendo's booth was in unusual company on the show floor, surrounded by those promoting the American Academy of Audiology, Lighthouse International and the Southwest Lawn Bowls Association.

In addition to Wii, Nintendo also promoted portable Nintendo DS, which includes a series help to improve brain functioning. To entice walked the show floor wearing buttons that “Ask Me My Brain Age.”

its Brain Age game for the of exercises that ostensibly visitors, Nintendo employees said, rather optimistically,

http://www.gamespot.com/ds/puzzle/brainagetrainyourbraininminutesaday/revi ew.html =========================================================== 5. ELDERS USE REALITY SHOW TO IMPROVE POLITICAL LEADERSHIP

THE ASSOCIATED PRESS, NOVEMBER 29, 2006 TORONTO: Former U.S. President Bill Clinton raises money to fight poverty and AIDS. Former U.S. President Jimmy Carter builds houses for the poor and pushes for peace. Now some former Canadian leaders are trying to inspire young, civic-minded types on a reality TV show.

Ex-prime ministers Brian Mulroney, John Turner, Joe Clark and Kim Campbell will be judges on the Canadian Broadcasting Corp.'s "The Next Great Prime Minister."

Comedian Rick Mercer will host the one-hour special in which the former prime ministers will grill five finalists before a live audience March 18.

The ex-leaders and members of the audience will then have an equal vote to pick the winner.

The CBC has set a Dec. 15 deadline for Canadians aged 18 to 25 to submit short videotaped speeches about why they should become prime minister and what they would do once in office.

"This hunt for our future leader will engage our youth while providing our audiences with an early glimpse at the political leaders of tomorrow," said Kristine Layfield, executive director of network programming at CBC Television.

88

FW’S NEWSLETTERS - DECEMBER 2006 Copyright William R. Idol 2005

The show aired last year for the first time and created buzz when one of the contestants nearly walked off stage in a bundle of nerves, insisting he could not go on.

"The Next Great Prime Minister" is based on a nationwide competition started in 1995 by Frank Stronach, founder of auto parts giant Magna International, one of the show's sponsors.

Stronach's daughter, Belinda, tried to position herself as future prime minister, contesting the leadership of the Conservative Party in 2004. She finished second to Stephen Harper, who toppled nearly 13 years of Liberal Party rule in January and was named prime minister.

The winner of "The Next Great Prime Minister" will receive a C$50,000 (US$44,000;€33,000) cash prize and paid internships in corporate and government organizations.

Last year's winner, Deirdra McCracken, is working on her master's degree in political science at the University of Laval, where her thesis will look at how journalists cover public opinion polls. http://www.thenextgreatprimeminister.ca =========================================================== 6. THIS MONTH'S LINKS: WANT TO E-MAIL NON-COMPUTER RELATIVES, FRIENDS & ELDERS?

http://www.techcrunch.com/2006/11/27/presto-because-computers-scare-old-pe ople/ OSHER LIFELONG LEARNING IS WORTH KNOWING ABOUT...

http://www.usm.maine.edu/olli/national/about.jsp HERE’S HOW THE HOLIDAYS LOOK DOWN UNDER...

http://www.geocities.com/farrellfamily/xmas3.html ===========================================================

89