Barney
- The Movie
by STEPHEN WHITE
“BARNEY: THE MOVIE”
EXT. SCENIC RURAL HIGHWAY DAY
A MINIVAN breezes down a SCENIC COUNTRY HIGHWAY.
(SONG: "GRANDPA'S FARM")
ALL
We're on our way, we're on our way, On our way to Grandpa's farm, We're on our way, we're on our way On our way to Grandpa's farm!
(Continues)
Inside the van is THE NEWTON FAMILY most of whom are happily singing. Spirits are high, but clothing is rumpled from the trip.
The driver is DAVID (DAD) NEWTON, a pleasant looking 35+. He wears a happily goofy Hawaiian shirt. His wife CHRISTINE (MOM) NEWTON, 35+, also sits up front, dressed casually. She is attractive in a natural way- neither using nor needing much makeup.
In the center row of seats is CODY NEWTON, age 9. He is nice looking in a down to earth "all boy" way. Cody isn't singing with the others- he's distractedly watching the scenery roll by while he absently toys with a FOOTBALL in his hands. Next to him, safely strapped into a BABY SEAT, is Cody's baby brother FREDERICK (FIG) NEWTON, an adorable 12 month old boy. The baby is tickled by the family singalong.
In the third row of seats (just in front of the LUGGAGE and BOXES stored in the van's rear) is ABBY NEWTON, a perky looking 7 year old girl, and her best friend MARCELLA WALKER, 7 years old and Black. The girls are having a great time.
ALL
Down on Grandpa's farm
MOM
There is a little white duck ALL Down on Grandpa's farm DAD
There is a little white duck
ALL
The duck, he makes a sound like this-
Abby leans up to sing to the baby.
ABBY Quack! Quack! ALL
The duck, he makes a sound like this
This time, Marcella leans up to sing in Cody's ear.
MARCELLA QUACK! QUACK!
Cody remains cool, but taps the football a bit more restlessly.
ALL Oh! We're on our way, We're on our way, On our way to Grandpa's farm, We're on our way, We're on our way... (Big ragged ending) On our way to Grandpa's fa-a-arm!
The singers applaud themselves. Cody looks restless.
ABBY Are we almost there?
MOM (To Dad) Your turn.
DAD
Almost! They live just the other side of Merrivale.
CODY (To Abby) What's your hurry? We're gonna be stuck there for a whole week.
MOM "Stuck"? Cody Newton, you've always loved visiting the farm!
I know...
CODY
DAD
Yeah- it's fun! You can help Grandpa with all kinds of farm chores like, uh... (a beat) milking the chickens...
KIDS (Laugh at this; even Cody)
MOM
You city boys just don't know anything about farms!
DAD
I know this farm was a good place to find a wife...
GIRLS Eeeeeeewwwwwwww!
ABBY Love talk.
BABY FIG (Blows "raspberry" with his tongue)
CODY
Yeah, I like the farm. Only...
ABBY
Only his best friend didn't get to come!
As Cody shoots his sister a look, Marcella needles Cody.
MARCELLA
My parents told my brother to be careful on that skateboard. But noooo...He's got "boy brains".
CODY
He's got a broken arm.
ABBY
You can still play with us, Cody.
CODY
I wanted someone to toss the football with!
MARCELLA
Hey, I can throw better than either one of my big brothers!
ABBY
Well Cody is good at catching the football! (Bragging) His friends even call him "butterfingers"!
CODY Thanks, Abby.
The car hits a small bump...and Cody drops the football. Marcella fails to stifle a laugh as Cody retrieves it.
DAD Cody, your Mom and I are only going to be at this teacher's convention for two days. When we get back to the farm, you and I can toss the football around okay?
CODY Okay. Thanks, Dad.
ABBY Are we almost there? DAD
(To Mom) Your turn.
MOM Almost! ABBY I'm bored...
MOM
Do you want to look for out-of-state license plates?
KIDS
Did it.
MOM
Count telephone poles?
KIDS
Did it.
MOM
Well...Marcella, why don't you open that box from your cousin?
MARCELLA
Oh yeah!
Marcella retrieves the box, and starts to open it.
ABBY What is it?
MARCELLA Hey...!
ABBY What is it?
MARCELLA It's a dinosaur!
CODY Cool! I love dinosaurs and... AW w w...
Abby lifts the BARNEY PLUSH out of the box, as Marcella removes the LETTER. Cody is keenly disappointed.
CODY That's not a dinosaur...it's a doll!
As Marcella looks at her letter, Cody takes the Barney plush and pretends to threaten Fig with it.
CODY
Grr! Grr! See- it doesn't even scare Fig!
Fig giggles and claps his hands while looking at Barney...
MARCELLA (Reading)
Dear Marcella, This is my friend "Barney". He can talk, and sing, and dance, and play games.
DAD (As TV announcer) Batteries not included!
MARCELLA (Reading)
For a big surprise, just use your imagination. Love, Cousin Tosha.
Cody passes the plush back to the girls with mild disdain.
CODY
Use your imagination? What does that mean? That's silly!
The van recedes from view down the scenic highway.
CODY (VO) Are we almost there?
MOM & DAD (UNISON) (VO) Your turn!
(MUSIC: INSTRUMENTAL REFERENCE TO "GRANDPA'S FARM")
EXT. MERRIVALE TOWN SQUARE - DAY
The van drives down the MAIN STREET of the MERRIVALE TOWN SQUARE. It is a quaint, inviting street very "Heartland, USA". There are PEOPLE OF VARYING ETHNICITIES hanging BANNERS and DECORATIONS. The van passes under a large colorful BANNER: Merrivale FOUNDER'S DAY CELEBRATION This Saturday! Parade * Bake-Off * Fireworks & Fountain Dedication
DAD
Hey, look here "Merrivale Founder's Day Celebration this Saturday. Parade, bake off, fireworks..."
ABBY
Hey that's tomorrow! Can Grandma and Grandpa bring us?
MOM
Well...maybe. But don't count on it, okay?
CODY
I bet we miss all the excitement...
The van rolls down the road.
EXT. GREENFIELD FARM - DAY
The minivan approaches on a small country road, then turns under a colorful WOODEN ARCH SIGN which says GREENFIELD FARM.
DAD
We're here! Welcome to Greenfield Farm
There is a beautiful VICTORIAN FARMHOUSE and a large RED BARN with some ANIMAL PENS nearby. A large FIELD OF CORN is bordered by a beautifully wooded countryside with impressive hills.
CUT TO:
GRANDPA GREENFIELD, a 60+ farmer in weathered denim overalls. He wears a HORN WITH RUBBER SQUEEZE BULB from a hip loop, like a gunslinger. He sits on the FRONT PORCH SWING next to RALPH the FARM DOG, an agreeable mongrel mix. On seeing the van, Grandpa hurries to the SCREEN DOOR.
GRANDPA
Eliza! The kids are here! Shake a leg now!
GRANDMA GREENFIELD comes bustling out the screen door in happy disarray. She is 60+ and wears a flour dusted COUNTRY PRINT COOKING APRON and MATCHING PRINT OVEN MITT. There is a dab of flour on her nose.
GRANDMA
Oh my goodness! Do I look alright?
GRANDPA
Beautiful, as always. Got a little dab of flour on your nose though... Grandma dabs her nose with the mitt, putting even MORE flour on.
GRANDMA
Is that better?
GRANDPA
Much better c'mon now!
The happy grandparents descend the porch steps to greet the newcomers, who spill out of the van and stretch. There is an overlapping cacophony of greetings, hugs, and handshakes.
ALL (ad lib and overlap as necessary)
MOM
Mmmm- it's great to see you, Mom!
GRANDMA
Oh, Christine. David.
Grandma's mitt dots everyone with FLOUR as she spreads hugs.
DAD Looks like you're baking today...
GRANDMA
I'm trying to invent a new kind of pie for the Founder's Day bake off!
GRANDPA
I'm the official taste-tester and guinea pig!
MOM C'mere, Pop...
Mom gives Grandpa a hug causing a (SFX: LOUD HONK).
CODY What is that?
GRANDPA
Oh, I've been using the horn to scare crows out of the field!
He positions himself like a gunfighter, squinting at Cody.
GRANDPA (As Clint Eastwood) Go ahead...steal my corn.
Grandpa draws and gives the horn a quick (SFX: HONK).
MARCELLA You're funny!
GRANDPA
And you're Marcella! I never forget a pretty lady. (to Abby) Hey Abby! How's my favorite granddaughter?
CODY Hi, Grandpa!
GRANDPA (To Cody) And Cody! How's my favorite... (catches self) uh...one of my favorite grandsons.
Cody is slightly wounded by this demotion.
CODY Oh- uh...fine.
GRANDPA Say, where is that new grandson of mine?
MOM Right here, Pop...
Mom has retrieved baby Fig from his car seat. The grandparents quickly turn to the tot...leaving Cody looking lost.
DAD Cody- think fast!
CODY What...?
Cody turns his head too late. A football bounces gently off his chest, thrown by Dad who is unloading LUGGAGE.
DAD Oops- sorry. My fault. Just unloading the van.
Marcella strolls past as Cody retrieves the ball.
MARCELLA Butterfingers.
10.
MONTAGE as Dad and kids, heavily laden, carry things between house and minivan. Abby carries a VIOLIN CASE. Baby Fig sits on the lawn in his CAR SEAT, next to Ralph the dog. They watch with interest until the process is completed.
DAD
Okay- that's it! Time to get back on the road.
MOM
Oh I hate to go so soon...
CODY (Only to Mom) Do you have to go? I mean, at all?
MOM
What's wrong, Cody?
CODY
It's just...
Cody struggles to find the words.
CODY Well...you and Dad are leaving together, Abby has got Marcella to play with, and Grandma and Grandpa just want to see Fig.
(A beat)
It's like nobody has time for m... (interrupted)
Cody is suddenly cut off by (SFX: HAPPY BARKING & BABY GIGGLES). Mom, distracted, goes to investigate. Cody sighs deeply.
Ralph the Dog is happily barking, bouncing and tail wagging while looking into the open side door of the minivan.
GRANDPA
Here now, Ralph! What's got into you?
Grandpa looks into the van.
GRANDPA
Ah-ha! It's a stowaway! Who are you, sir?
Grandpa pulls out the Barney Plush.
MOM That...is Barney.
MARCELLA
He's sharing my vacation!
Dad glances at his watch.
DAD Whoa! Look at the time! Gotta run!
He grabs his wife by the hand, and drags her playfully along. Dad ruffles Cody's hair, kisses Abby, and waves to Fig- all in a brisk walk to the van.
MOM Cody...We'll talk just as soon as I get back, okay? (A beat) Okay?
CODY Okay.
MOM Abby, be good. Have fun, Marcella. Frederick, don't make too many poopy diapers.
GIRLS Eeeewwwww!
OTHERS (ad-lib goodbyes)
DAD Aaaaaaand we're outta here!
The van pulls away, leaving a happy crowd behind the girls wave, and Grandpa honks his horn (SFX: HONKS). But Cody simply watches the receding van, looking forlorn with football in hand.
CODY
Aaaaaaand they're outta here.
INT. CODY'S BEDROOM DAY
Cody tosses his duffel and football onto the BED without enthusiasm. The room is devoid of anything fun. Walls, of muted color, are unadorned except for an old PENDULUM CLOCK which (SFX: TICK TOCKS), underscoring the starkness. Cody scans the room, then looks out the open window to see if there is, at least, a view.
Cody looks down on...a PIG PEN. A PIG, wallowing in the mud, looks up and snorts a derisive (SFX: MOIST RASPBERRY).
CODY
Okay. Here I am. It's Summer Vacation and I've got no one to talk to, no one to play with, and absolutely nothing to do.
(A beat) Wait! I know! I can stare at the ceiling for a week! UHhhh....
He spreads his arms and flops dramatically onto the bed.
CODY Oh yeah. Now I'm having fun.
INT. SECOND FLOOR HALLWAY / CODY'S BEDROOM - DAY
Abby and Marcella, holding the Barney Plush, creep towards Cody's door. They suppress giggles as they peek around the door. Cody is listlessly tossing his football straight up, then catching it.
Marcella puts Barney in the doorway. The girls remain hidden.
ABBY (Funny voice) COoooo dy. Oh, COoooody!
Cody neither looks or breaks his catching rhythm.
CODY What?
ABBY
It's me Barney! Won't you come and play with me?
CODY No.
ABBY
We can use our imaginations!
CODY
Great. Why don't you imagine that I'm playing with you.
The girls stand in the doorway. Abby looks slightly hurt.
ABBY Well okay, Mr. Grouchy.
MARCELLA
See you later...
The girls leave but Marcella pokes her head back into view...
MARCELLA ...Butterfingers!
Surprised, Cody fails to catch the descending football- which bounces off his face with a resounding (SFX: SPLAT)!
CODY Butterfingers, huh?!
Cody darts off the bed and scoops up the Barney Plush!
CODY C'mon, Barney- let's play "keepaway"!
A mad chase ensues. Cody bobs and weaves, keeping Barney away from the laughing girls. He dives past them into the girls' bedroom.
INT. GIRLS BEDROOM - DAY
(Note: This bedroom used to belong to "Mom". It still contains TOYS and MEMENTOS appropriate from girlhood to High School. It's much more inviting than Cody's room.)
The girls run into the bedroom...but it seems to be empty!
ABBY
He's gone!
MARCELLA How'd he do that?
14.
Puzzled, they explore the room. When they are safely distant, Cody suddenly rolls out from under the bed, and dives out the door!
CODY
Can't catch me!
INT. SECOND FLOOR HALLWAY DAY
Cody comes running into view out of the girls' room. He scurries under the ATTIC STAIRS to hide. The girls come running after.
MARCELLA
Now where is he?
ABBY The attic!
The girls run up the attic stairs and out of view. Cody climbs out and runs around the hallway, looking for a new hiding place.
MARCELLA (VO)
I don't think he's up here!
ABBY (VO)
Let's go back down!
Cody runs for the BATHROOM DOOR.
ABBY There he goes!
INT. BATHROOM DAY
Cody runs into a clean, old fashioned bathroom. He puts the Barney Plush inside an OLD ENAMELED BATHTUB WITH FEET. Cody pulls the TRANSLUCENT PLASTIC SHOWER CURTAIN just before the girls run in.
MARCELLA
Caught you!
CODY
Were you chasing me?
ABBY Yes. Now can we have Barney back?
CODY Barney? Do I know a...Barney?
ABBY
Co-deeee! Where is he?
CODY
I don't know, Ab-i-gail. Why don't you "use your imagination"?
Abby and Marcella are annoyed.
ABBY Okay, I will!
MARCELLA
Me too!
The girls furrow their brows, eyes closed, as they concentrate.
CODY No Barney? Maybe you should use more imagination!
Abby opens one eye briefly to give her brother a dirty look. Cody laughs but behind him, (VFX/SFX: MAGICAL SPARKLES) begin to flit around the outlines of the tub and shower curtain! Through the murky curtain, an INDISTINCT PURPLE SHAPE is growing!
CLOSE UP of the bathtub's legs...as they VISIBLY BEND under immense weight!
A VERY LARGE PURPLE SHAPE is now behind the curtain, and as the last of the (VFX/SFX: SPARKLES disappear) a (SFX: SHOWER) begins!
BARNEY (VO)
Dum dee DUM, dee doo doo dum...
The girls open their eyes, slack-jawed. Cody slowly turns around. (SFX: SHOWER TURNS OFF, LAST WATER GURGLES DOWN DRAIN.).
There is no sound or movement from THE SHAPE. Cody cautiously reaches for the curtain's edge.
Suddenly, a purple hand pulls back the curtain, revealing FULLSIZED BARNEY still with some drops of water on him.
BARNEY
Towel, please!
At this request, the two girls smile...then laugh. Cody remains frozen- his hand outstretched. Marcella hands a TOWEL to Barney.
MARCELLA
Here's a towel, Barney!
BARNEY
Thank you, Marcella!
As Barney buffs himself dry, he says...
BARNEY
Oh, and thank you, Cody! It's so nice to have a shower after a long car trip.
CODY (Dazed) Uh-huh.
Barney climbs from the tub. CLOSE-UP of tub legs as they flex back up to normal position. Barney notices that Cody still has his arm outstretched...and carefully drapes the moist towel over it.
BARNEY
Oh- here you go. Thank you!
The girls are happy and smug. Barney holds their hands as they walk out of the bathroom. His feet make (SFX: HEAVY THOOMPS) on the wooden floors. Cody remains frozen.
BARNEY
Now - what were we doing, Abby?
ABBY
We were playing make believe, remember?
BARNEY
Oh yes I just love playing make believe!
MARCELLA
Hey, why don't we go play in the attic?
Cody finally starts to thaw. (SFX: LAST DRIPS FROM SHOWER)
CODY
(Flat)
A dinosaur. (disbelief)
A dinosaur? (It hits!)
A dinosaur!
Cody snaps to life! He becomes aware of the moist towel, and tosses it aside as he runs out of the bathroom.
INT. ATTIC DAY
Abby, Marcella and Barney jabber like old friends as they explore the ATTIC. It's a very large space, filled with INTERESTING KNICK-KNACKS. There are high ceilings with EXPOSED RAFTERS and BEAMS. Light streams in through a number of ROUND ORNAMENTAL WINDOWS a colorful and inviting fantasy land for kids.
ABBY
And that's my Mom's old rocking horse...
MARCELLA
I'm going to ride a real horse while I'm here!
BARNEY
You are?
MARCELLA
Uh-huh! I've always wanted to ride a real horse.
BARNEY
Oh h h, that'll be fun!
Cody bursts in from the top of the stairs.
CODY
Hey! You're a dinosaur!
BARNEY
Yes, I know!
CODY
But...but you can't be a dinosaur!
BARNEY
I can't?
CODY
No!
Marcella and Abby, tickled, take turns inspecting Barney.
MARCELLA
I think you're wrong, Cody. I think Barney can't be...a chicken!
BARNEY (Chuckles)
ABBY
And I think Barney can't be...a chipmunk!
MARCELLA
But he could be a dinosaur.
ABBY
A dinosaur. Definitely.
CODY
Oh, you don't know anything about real dinosaurs.
MARCELLA
Do you?
CODY
I saw "Jurassic Park" three times! Dinosaurs are big and mean...and they eat people!
ABBY
Do you eat people?
BARNEY
Oh, I'd never do that! My favorite food is peanut butter!
CODY Peanut butter?!
BARNEY
With grape jelly- cause it's purple, like me! (Chuckles)
GIRLS (Laugh)
CODY
And that's another thing! Real dinosaurs don't laugh...or talk... or do anything at all! 'Cause there aren't any real dinosaurs anymore!
BARNEY
Well, I'm as real as your imagination... (a beat)
And that's something that is very real!
MARCELLA
Don't you remember, Cody? Cousin Tosha said to use our imagination for a surprise!
ABBY
We used our imaginations...and Barney got big!
CODY Imagination can't do that! (A beat) Can it?
BARNEY
Oh...you'd be surprised what imagination can do!
(SONG: "IMAGINATION" / ORIGINAL APPROX 2:00)
This song should be uptempo and fun, covering ground similar to the "Just Imagine" song from NBC Special. We need to establish that Imagination can allow anyone to do almost anything...and go almost anywhere. The song can also touch on who Barney is someone who loves to be with children, and to share the fun of their imaginations. Also, to help explain the Barney "mythos", we might suggest that imagination works in some surprising ways when Barney is around. Note that song should have lots of visual imagery and ways to augment this with props in the attic. Also, the emphasis should be on simple pretend play...but we should also see just a hint of "Barney Magic". Nothing spectacular yet, though.
In true "movie musical" style, the other characters can sing along with Barney where appropriate (probably only the girls, for now).
20.
Throughout the song, the girls happily play along with Barney. Cody is occasionally pulled into the moment- but he's still attempting to shake off this fantasy.
-------------
As the song ends, Barney is in the center of a humorous tableau with the girls. Cody, feeling odd man out, is resentful.
CODY
I'm still not buying this...
ABBY
C'mon Cody it's fun to use imagination!
CODY
I don't need imagination! (Significantly) I've got the Internet!
Barney and the girls share a look of surprise.
CODY
So listen, "Barney"...if you're only here because of our imagination, you're about to disappear!
GIRLS
Co-dy!
Cody scrunches his eyes tightly shut.
CODY
I...do...not...believe in you!
(MUSIC: Magical suspense) After a beat, Cody slowly opens his eyes to see Marcella and Abby looking at him with faint annoyance. Barney is noticeably absent between them.
Cody smiles with relief...then is startled when Barney leans into frame and puts a hand on his shoulder! The two are nose to nose.
BARNEY
That's okay, Cody. (a beat) I believe in you...
(MUSIC: MAGICAL 3-NOTE "I LOVE YOU" REFERENCE) Cody is stunned as Barney rejoins the girls.
BARNEY
Dum dee DUM dee dum...
CODY
(A bit too casual) Excuse me. I'll be right back.
INT. CENTRAL HALL/STAIRWAY/LIVING ROOM LATE AFTERNOON
Grandpa sits in his BATTERED RECLINER, feet up, reading a copy of "Fields & More Fields" MAGAZINE. Ralph the dog snoozes by his side. Grandma sits in an UPHOLSTERED CHAIR, expertly PEELING APPLES. An OVEN TIMER (SFX: TICKS) on the lamp table near her.
CODY
Grandma! Grandpa! You are not gonna believe this!
Grandma pauses in her peeling. Grandpa barely glances up.
GRANDPA Probably not.
CODY There's a dinosaur upstairs! (a beat) A dinosaur! Upstairs!
GRANDMA A dinosaur? GRANDPA
Oh yeah. Purple with green spots?
CODY You've seen him?!
GRANDPA
'Course I did. He was under Marcella's arm.
GRANDMA
Oh, that's right! His name is "Barney".
GRANDPA Cute little fellow.
CODY
No- you don't get it! He's bigger now! He's gigantic!
22.
Cody extends his arms, hopping, to indicate Barney's new size.
GRANDPA
A giant stuffed dinosaur, eh?
CODY No! He's a real dinosaur.
GRANDMA (Shudders) Like in "Jurassic Park"?
GRANDPA
The kind that ate a lawyer?
CODY YES!
GRANDPA
Terrific! (Joking, to Grandma) I'll raise 'em on the farm to sell! Oh, they'll be very popular...
CODY Come up and look! Please?
GRANDMA
Well if it means that much to you...
As she puts her apple peeling aside and rises, the kitchen timer sounds (SFX: DING!). Grandma immediately dons her oven mitts.
GRANDMA
Oh my there's the oven! Time to take out my "Spaghetti and Peach" pie! (Cheery, over shoulder) It's something brand new!
She bustles to the kitchen. Grandpa winces and looks for escape.
GRANDPA Spaghetti and Peach...? (a beat) Hang on there, Cody I'll take a look at your dinosaur!
Grandpa starts for the stairs, but is stopped by (SFX: BABY CRIES).
GRANDPA
Uh-oh. Sorry, sport- sounds like I need to change a diaper. (continues)
Grandpa rolls up his sleeves as if preparing for surgery.
GRANDPA (Signature phrase) ...and one thing about diapers is diapers won't wait.
CODY But...what about the dinosaur?
GRANDPA
Does he need a diaper changed?
CODY No...!
GRANDPA
That's a relief! Well, tell this dinosaur...uh, "Barney"...he can stay if he promises to keep out of the way.
Grandpa chuckles as he watches Cody drag himself back upstairs.
GRANDPA
The games these kids play! Wonder what he'll imagine next?
INT. ATTIC LATE AFTERNOON
Cody, shaking his head, trudges into the attic.
CODY
Oh Bar-r-r-ney...
Barney and the girls are playing "dress up" near an OPEN TRUNK OF OLD CLOTHING. Barney sports a BOWLER HAT and WOODEN CANE.
BARNEY Yes?
CODY (Chilly)
If you promise to keep out of the way, Grandpa says you can stay.
24.
I promise!
BARNEY
Suddenly, everyone's attention is drawn to an overhead rafter behind and very near Cody. They hear (SFX: BJ's SIGNATURE WHISTLE) and see (VFX/SFX: COLORED SPARKLES FORM OUTLINE WHICH RESOLVES INTO BJ). BJ sits atop the rafter, happily kicking his legs.
BJ Great! Does that mean I can hang around, too?
Cody's eyes are like saucers. Before he can respond, he hears (SFX: MAGICAL SPARKLES) and looks towards Barney and the girls.
CUT TO the large clothing trunk. A silly out-of-date WOMAN'S HAT floats up, supported by (VFX: SPARKLES WHICH RESOLVE INTO BABY BOP). BABY BOP sits in the trunk with the hat obscuring her eyes.
BABY BOP
And me! I want to play, too! (Noticing hat) Ooh- I like this hat!
GIRLS (Laugh happily)
Baby Bop plays in the clothing as Barney makes introductions. He uses his cane as a pointer.
BARNEY
Looks like some more of my friends have "popped in" for a visit! Marcella...Abby...Cody, I'd like you to meet BJ!
BJ balances on the rafter like a tightrope walker.
BJ Hey! How ya doin'?
GIRLS Hi, BJ!
BARNEY
Uh, BJ...do you need some help getting down from there?
BJ NO-o-o-o-o problem!
25.
He hops off the rafter and drops out of sight (SFX: CRASH, with residual tinkles & rattles).
CUT TO: BJ, sprawled clumsily across a SHEET-DRAPED PIECE OF FURNITURE, with other RANDOM ATTIC CLUTTER knocked around. He waves away a small cloud of DUST.
BJ (Coughing) Sor-r-ry.
Marcella and Abby share a significant look.
MARCELLA
Boy brains.
Abby nods in agreement.
BARNEY
And this is Baby Bop, BJ's little sister!
BABY BOP
Hello, Marcella! Hello, Abby! Hello Abby's brother!
CODY
Cody.
Baby Bop pokes through the trunk.
BABY BOP That's what I said. (A beat) Hey where's my blankey?
Baby Bop digs furiously through the trunk, happily throwing things on the laughing girls (SFX: HUMOROUS "FWINGS").
BABY BOP (Sighs) Here is my blankey!
Baby Bop cuddles a worn YELLOW BABY BLANKET.
BABY BOP
Mmmm-m-m. (A beat) Soft.
Cody slowly backs up...forgetting that BJ is behind him
26.
CODY
This is just too much...
Cody jumps as BJ speaks.
BJ Wow!!!
BJ is looking out a LARGE CIRCULAR WINDOW.
BJ
Hey Sissy, check it out! We're on a farm!
Baby Bop scurries to join her brother, pushing a TOY BABY CARRIAGE (SFX: SQUEAKY WHEELS) with her blankey hanging over the side.
BABY BOP
Let me see! Let me see! Are there animals?
BJ Yeah- look!
BABY BOP
Moo-cows! I see moo-cows! Look, Barney!
BARNEY
Okay!
Barney joins the young dinos at the window. Ad-lib about sights.
CODY (Whispered, to girls) Come with me quick!
Cody takes Abby by the hand and rushes towards the stairs...then realizes that Marcella is smugly standing pat.
CODY Marcella come on!
MARCELLA
You didn't ask me nicely...
CODY What?!
Barney turns his head to give a friendly tip on etiquette.
27.
BARNEY
Try saying "please", Cody! That would be nice.
MARCELLA
Yes, it would be!
CODY (Clenched teeth) Marcella, come on- please...?
MARCELLA
Okay!
Cody grabs her hand and hurries towards the stairs with both girls in tow. The girls toss happy goodbyes as they go.
ABBY Bye!
MARCELLA Don't go 'way!
As the kids leave, Baby Bop tattletales to the other dinos.
BABY BOP Cody said "please" but he didn't say "thank you"!
Bop peeks out the window again, still talking to herself.
BABY BOP You're s'posed to say "thank you".
INT.
LIVING ROOM - EARLY EVENING
Grandpa, in his easy chair, receives a questionable looking SLICE OF PIE from Grandma.
GRANDPA
Hmm...thank you. (Stalling) What did you say this pie was again?
GRANDMA
It's "Spaghetti and Peach"! And it just might be a winner at the Founder's Day bake-off!
28.
CLOSE UP of steaming slice of pie as Grandpa tentatively gets a forkful. Inside, large slices of PEACH are tangled with SPAGHETTI.
GRANDPA
Might be...
With trembling hand, Grandpa lifts the fork to his open mouth as Grandma watches expectantly. But suddenly...
CODY
Grandma! Grandpa!
Cody comes tumbling down the stairs again, this time with the two girls (still wearing dress up clothes).
GRANDMA Mercy! What's all the commotion?
KIDS
(Ad lib...Cody excited, girls happy)
Grandpa sees his chance to act while Grandma is distracted...
GRANDPA (Urgent whisper) Ralph!
Ralph the dog springs to attention. Grandpa puts the pie plate in the dog's mouth, but holds onto the fork.
GRANDPA
You know what to do, boy!
Ralph takes the plate into the kitchen, steps on a pedal to open the TRASH CAN lid, then shakes the pie into the open receptacle.
In the living room, Cody and the girls talk at cross purposes as Grandma and Grandpa try to sort things out.
KIDS
(ad-libbing; no real sense)
Grandma puts fingers to her mouth and blows a (SFX: PIERCING WHISTLE) while lifting one oven mitted hand like a policeman.
GRANDMA
Now then, what's all this about?
GRANDPA
Let me guess it's that purple dinosaur again!
CODY
No! (a beat) It's the other dinosaurs!
GRANDPA
Well, that woulda been my second guess...
CODY Abby...Marcella...please tell them about the dinosaurs!
The girls flit carelessly about as they explain.
ABBY Okay. There are three dinosaurs in the attic.
MARCELLA
We were playing dress-up with them. See?
GRANDMA
Oh, that's nice.
CODY Now do you believe me?
GRANDPA
Of course, of course! Always did! (a beat) These new dinosaurs...they as big as the first one?
MARCELLA
Well, the yellow one with the baseball cap...
ABBY ..."BJ"...
MARCELLA
He's smaller than Barney, but he's pretty big. And his little sister Baby Bop...
ABBY
She's the green one with pink ballet shoes...
MARCELLA
...she's kind of small.
ABBY
For a dinosaur. MARCELLA
Yeah, for a dinosaur.
Grandma and Grandpa exchange a look as they try to make sense of this. Cody wears a sickly smile- aware that this testimony hasn't helped much. Grandpa gestures with his forkful of pie.
GRANDPA
Cody, I don't believe you mentioned where these dinosaurs are coming from...?
Cody grimaces..
CODY They come...from our imaginations.
GRANDPA
That's sort of what I thought.
ABBY
Can they stay?
Is it okay?
MARCELLA
GRANDMA Well...?
Grandpa tries to soothe Cody's hurt feelings by being jolly.
GRANDPA
Sure! Why not? Let 'em play in the attic... (To self) That oughta scare the mice.
ABBY Thank you!
MARCELLA
Yeah, thanks! C'mon, Abby!
31.
GRANDMA
Hold on- you can play your dinosaur games later! It's time for dinner. Everyone wash up now!
The girls scamper back up the stairs. Cody stands mute.
GRANDMA
Aren't you going to wash up, dear?
CODY
But... (a beat) Sure, Grandma. I guess so.
Cody gives a quick glance of disappointment to Grandpa, then trudges up the stairs.
At this moment, Ralph the dog returns to Grandpa's side with the EMPTY PIE PLATE. Grandpa does a double-take, then deftly takes the plate just as Grandma turns to notice.
GRANDMA
My goodness! You ate that pie quickly!
GRANDPA
Sure did!
GRANDMA
You're already down to the last bite!
Grandpa realizes with horror that he still has a dripping forkful of pie in his other hand. Trapped!
GRANDPA
So I am. The last bite of Spaghetti and Peach pie...
Grandma watches with beatific happiness.
GRANDPA
Well, here goes.
Grandpa reluctantly puts it in his mouth. He suffers in silence a forced smile not fooling anyone but Grandma. His chewing makes (SFX: MOIST SHLURPS & SPLORTS). Through puckered lips, he says...
32.
GRANDPA
Mmm-m-m. Sweet...salty...and slippery!
EXT. FRONT PORCH - NIGHT
After dinner, the family relaxes on the front porch on a (VFX: BEAUTIFUL STARRY NIGHT). They hear (SFX: CRICKETS and OCCASIONAL FARM ANIMALS). Grandpa sits on the PORCH SWING between the two girls. Grandma is in a ROCKING CHAIR. Cody sits quietly on a PORCH RAIL. Ralph happily gnaws a BONE in the yard below.
ABBY Great supper, Grandma MARCELLA & CODY
Yeah!
GRANDMA
Why, thank you! Didn't seem like your Grandfather ate much though...
GRANDPA
Had sort of a funny taste in my mouth.
GRANDMA (Teasing)
It goes with that funny look on your face.
KIDS (laugh)
Grandma walks behind the swing and pats Grandpa's head.
GRANDMA
Come along, dear- you can help me wash the dishes.
Grandpa follows, mock protesting all the way.
GRANDPA
Here, now- washing dishes isn't a man's job!
(A beat)
Drying dishes- now that's a man's job.
Alone, the kids appreciate the night sky.
MARCELLA
Pretty night, huh?
ABBY
It's better than "pretty". It's... Barney appears around the corner of the porch.
BARNEY Bee-YUT-iful!
CODY
Huh?!
Startled, Cody falls off the porch rail (SFX: CRUNCH). Barney peeks over the rail and sees Cody looking up from a bush. BARNEY Oops- sorry!
CODY No problem.
As Cody climbs from the bush, Barney talks to the girls. BARNEY Where are your Grandparents?
ABBY
You just missed them.
BARNEY
Oh. Well, I'm sure I'll see them soon.
Cody climbs the steps, picking leaves off his clothing.
CODY Yeah but will they see you?
Cody looks from Barney to the screen door should he fetch his Grandparents? He reaches for the door...
MARCELLA
Barney, would you push us in the swing?
BARNEY
I'd be happy to! C'mon Cody...there's room for three!
Barney gives the empty center area a come hither pat. Cody reluctantly sits between the girls. Barney gently rocks them.
34.
ABBY
I think the whole world looks good from a porch swing...
BARNEY
Uh huh. Especially on a night like this...
(SONG: "NIGHT SWINGS" / ORIGINAL - APPROX 1:30)
This is a gentle song about porch swings and starry nights. The song should accommodate ambient night/farm sounds. Also, there should be a theme line about how the end of the day is a good time to think about how special this day was...and how special tomorrow will be. Perhaps the stars each represent a promise of something good to come, etc. The feeling should be magical.
VISUAL NOTE: It would be nice to have twinkling stars in the heavens, but DO NOT use any shooting stars or "magical" effects in the sky. We are saving this for later.
As the song nears its end, the camera cranes up to reveal BJ and BABY BOP, listening from OPENED ROUND WINDOWS above. Bop's blankey hangs out the window, gently blowing. The young dinos sing the final lines, attracting the kids' attention. ------------
Abby and Marcella scamper into the yard to look up at the young dinos. Cody only goes to the porch rail again.
ABBY
Hello, up there!
BJ
Hello, down there! Why don'cha come up and play?
BABY BOP
I'm playing with the baby buggy!
MARCELLA
We'll be right up!
The girls go tumbling into the house. Cody sits on the porch rail.
BARNEY
Aren't you going to play, Cody?
CODY
Nah.
BARNEY
Is something wrong?
CODY
Yeah. Sort of. But it's not anything you can help with.
BARNEY
It isn't?
(A beat) Hmmm, let me think...
Barney taps his foot on the porch (SFX: BOOMPS).
BARNEY
Ah! I've got it! You need to wish on a star!
CODY
I can't imagine that would make things better...
BARNEY
Maybe you should "imagine" it. (Slightly mysterious)
Besides, I think there's a very special wishing star in the sky tonight.
(A beat)
And it's right... about...there!
Barney sweeps his hand up towards the night sky, and points to a (VFX: GLITTERING COMET WITH TAIL). It is moving, but slowly. Cody is awed by this strange and wonderful sight. The light casts a gentle sparkling glow on his face.
CODY (Quiet; sincere)
Okay. Okay, I will make a wish! I wish...that tomorrow I could do something really important...and that people will believe me.
(A beat)
I wish...everyone would think I'm special.
The moment lingers, then breaks.
CODY
There how's that for a wish, Barney? ...Barney?
36.
The dinosaur is nowhere in sight. Cody shrugs with resignation and heads for the screen door.
CODY
I must be nuts!
From INSIDE the house, Cody is momentarily framed by the open door as he looks at the (VFX: GLITTERING COMET). He then turns inside and lets the screen door close- obscuring, but not hiding, the comet. Start to zoom towards it, then CUT to next shot.
EXT. VFX: SHOOTING STAR NIGHT
In this VFX SEQUENCE, the "comet" is seen from a much closer view. It makes a (SFX: WHOOSH! and MAGICAL TINKLES) and there is a distinct EGG-SHAPED OBJECT within the COLORFUL GLOW. The egg flies in a straight trajectory as it heads for the ground. The glow is magical and fanciful not a "fiery re entry".
As the egg skims almost parallel to the ground, it slaps the tops of a series of PINE TREES, each bending to absorb some of the speed, each gentle impact making little BURSTS OF MAGIC SPARKLES.
EXT. BARNYARD. NIGHT
Having lost most of its speed, the glowing egg strikes the earth rather gently, but with enough momentum to keep rolling across the BARNYARD. It rolls until it reaches a WATER TROUGH & HANDPUMP near the barn. The egg barely taps the trough...causing a WOODEN BUCKET balanced on the corner to fall neatly covering the egg with a (SFX: PLOP)! The egg's glow can be seen between the rim of the bucket and the ground...then gently fades away.
All is quiet as Ralph comes over and gives the bucket a curious sniff. Suddenly, the bucket gives a slight jiggle and (SFX: TAP TAP), as if something had moved briefly inside. Ralph, startled, gives one warning "woof" before darting off. Then all is still.
EXT. FARMHOUSE - DAY
The farmhouse and surrounding hills are bathed in the golden light of sunrise (SFX: ROOSTER CROW).
INT. ATTIC DAY
Another (SFX: ROOSTER CROW) is heard through an OPEN ATTIC WINDOW. BJ awakens with a start and Baby Bop stirs; each has a makeshift bed. Bop's baby carriage is nearby.
BJ (Pained) Ai-yi-yi...It's an alarm clock with feathers!
BABY BOP (Yawns luxuriously. Smacks lips)
INT. DINING ROOM DAY
Grandparents and kids are gathered at a happy, noisy BREAKFAST TABLE. Cody is reserved, but not sullen. Baby Fig, in BIB and MESSY FACE sits in a HIGH CHAIR with a bowl of STRAINED FRUIT. Grandma, wearing a DIFFERENT COUNTRY PRINT APRON & MATCHING OVEN MITT, runs in and out of the kitchen, constantly serving things. Grandpa holds a NEWSPAPER which largely obscures him (and his vision of anything else) unless lowered.
ABBY
Oh Grandma, here's a picture I drew for you!
Abby gives Grandma a CRAYONED PICTURE of BARNEY, BJ and BABY BOP.
GRANDMA
It's just lovely! (A beat) What is it? MARCELLA
That's Barney, BJ and Baby Bop!
CODY
The dinosaurs...?
GRANDMA
Of course! The dinosaurs.
From behind the newspaper, Grandpa holds out his COFFEE CUP. GRANDPA Coffee, please...coffee, please.
38.
Grandma retrieves the POT OF COFFEE from a nearby WARMER to fill his cup. They tease one another.
GRANDMA
I guess you're too weak to get it yourself...
GRANDPA (Quoting)
"A weak man needs strong coffee." (A beat) Thank you. The filled cup disappears behind the newspaper.
GRANDMA
And what are you children going to do today?
CODY
We'd like to go see the Founder's Day Parade...can you take us?
Grandma spoons food into Fig's mouth.
GRANDMA
That would be fun...but I'm afraid I need to stay home and take care of dis widdle man here. (A beat)
Besides, I'll be baking pies all morning. Our neighbor Miss Goldfinch... (Aside) Remember her?
ABBY & CODY (Exchange wry look) OHhhh, yes!
GRANDMA
She said she'd come and take my pies to town for the baking contest.
GRANDPA (Disinterested) Good for her.
39.
GRANDMA
I've invented recipes for "Chocolate Brussels Sprout pie"... "Strawberries and Broccoli pie" and "Bananas and Celery pie".
Humorous "icky face" reaction from Fig.
GRANDMA
Just once, I wish I could win a prize ribbon...
She sighs, and sweeps back into the kitchen, unnoticed by Grandpa. From the opposite side of the room, Barney enters!
BARNEY
(Inhales as if to speak)
But Grandpa's coffee cup strikes again.
GRANDPA
Coffee, please...coffee, please.
The girls watch with amusement, and Cody with disbelief, as Barney picks up the coffee pot and refills the cup. Grandpa sees nothing.
GRANDPA
Thank you.
Barney puts the coffee pot on the table and walks out, saying...
BARNEY
Oh, you're welcome!
Grandma sweeps in through the kitchen door and picks up the coffee pot, just as Grandpa peeks suspiciously over the paper. He gives her a quizzical look, then shakes it off. Cody shakes his head.
ABBY
Grandpa, could you take us into town?
GRANDPA
Guess it might be fun...
From outside, he hears (SFX: CROWS). Grandpa quickly jumps up from the table. He wears his horn.
40.
GRANDPA
What the...? Consarn it! (To kids)
I'd like to, but I've just got to keep those crows out of my corn! (a beat)
And one thing about crows is crows won't wait!
He gives the horn a (SFX: HONK), then departs. He runs past the window, honking, with Ralph (SFX: BARKS) following. The kids are more amused than disappointed. Grandma makes the best of things.
GRANDMA
Oh, but I'm sure you children can have fun right here!
With her back turned, Grandma doesn't see BJ beckoning the kids from the doorway. Behind him, Baby Bop passes towards the screen door happily pushing the baby carriage (SFX: SQUEAKY WHEELS).
BJ Yeah! There's a million great things to do on a farm!
Grandma turns around just after BJ disappears out the screen door.
GRANDMA
That's the spirit, Cody! Or...was that you, Marcella?
The kids chuckle, Cody somewhat ruefully, and tumble out of the dining room and out the nearby screen door. Grandma again turns her back as she stacks DISHES on a SETTEE.
Baby Bop hurries back in. She picks up two LARGE MUFFINS from a basket on the table, puts one in front of baby Fig, then asks...
BABY BOP
Can I please have a muffin, Grandma?
GRANDMA
Of course, dear!
Baby Bop happily scrambles out of the room, as Grandma slowly turns around- puzzled in hindsight by this odd voice. She looks...and sees a smiling Fig, holding his MUFFIN and giggling. Grandma, wide-eyed, drops into a chair.
GRANDMA
He talks!
Baby Fig gets a huge giggle out of this.
EXT. BARNYARD - DAY. & INT. BARN - DAY
The girls and dinosaurs happily skip across the barnyard. Baby Bop (noshing her muffin) pushes her baby carriage. Cody is starting to make tentative peace with having the dinosaurs around.
(SONG:
"FUN ON THE FARM" ORIGINAL - APPROX 2:00)
In this song, show the kids and dinos having lots of fun in various farm locations. Lots of quick cuts, interesting angles, farm animals, and slapstick. Also, Cody is drawn into the fun activities over the course of the song- by song's end, he's at least able to enjoy playing with the dinos, even if he still feels a bit nettled by their presence.
The song should be about different fun things to see and do on a farm; we should include things like tractors and animals. It should also have a simple repeating chorus, possibly including "animal sounds" (Ba a a, Moo, Oink, etc)
Fairly early on, it would be nice for Barney to step into the barn- chickens quickly dive out- then immediately step back out wearing a FARMER'S COSTUME. Kids and young dinos might also put on KERCHIEFS or STRAW HATS if a cache is found.
On a couple of occasions, our characters should interact briefly with the BUCKET standing, dancing or sitting on it. It may give a little wiggle afterwards, unnoticed by anyone.
It would be nice to pose one or more characters atop a non moving TRACTOR. It would also be nice to show Barney leading AGNES the HORSE around but no children ride her (yet). We should also see a WOODEN GARDEN WAGON somewhere (though it's not critical yet).
As a continuing bit of business, Baby Bop gives baby carriage rides to a variety of creatures a chicken, piglet, baby goat, rabbit, etc. As punch line, she could have Ralph the dog in there, if he'll fit somehow. Whenever she gives a ride, it's to a "baby" even if the animal is fully grown: i.e., "dog baby", "chicken baby", "bucket baby", etc.
42.
At some point, one or more dinos should dance into a stand of corn moments before Grandpa (honking) would come out nearby, look around, then disappear into the field again...just before our dinos return.
In the BARN INTERIOR, we might have a cow with a RIBBON tied to her tail. When Barney dances near her, she looks over her shoulder- then whaps him in the face with her tail.
Also in the barn, we need to show A ROW OF NESTING HENS, and some WOODEN CRATES marked "EGGS" (Not critical for song but will be used later). We also need to see that there is a SECOND ACCESS DOORWAY into the barn, which is NOT on the same wall as the "main" doors.
Above the BARN DOORS, there is also a HAYLOFT DOOR. (We don't need to use it yet it just needs to exist).
In the BARN INTERIOR, we should be able to see a ground level and an upper level. As the song nears its end, we should have all characters dancing on the upper level. One by one, the three human kids will jump into a pile of hay. Finally, Barney jumps causing an EXPLOSION of hay that fills the frame. When the hay settles, Barney is sitting on his fanny, with the hay spread out around him in all directions sort of a "ground zero" effect.
As everyone laughs below, Baby Bop and BJ are seen in the UPPER LOFT. BJ stands atop a BENCH, holding a BLOCK & TACKLE.
BJ
This is great! Yah hooooo!
He pitches off the bench and swings the length of the loft. At the far end, he puts out his feet to stop himself and knocks a LARGE HAY BALE over the edge. It falls to the ground (NOT near anyone) with a very substantial (SFX: THUD!). BJ looks contrite.
BJ
Oops. Sor ry.
AGNES the HORSE, looking on, does a big lip curling (SFX: HORSE LAUGH), causing others to laugh. As Barney chuckles, his FARMER OUTFIT (VFX: DISAPPEARS). Barney then drops an over stated hint...
BARNEY (Smacks lips)
Mmm-mmm-mmm! After all that fun, I'm sort of...thirsty!
43.
Barney takes a large WATER DIPPER off a HOOK, then looks around.
BARNEY
HMmmm. Here's a water dipper...but I can't find the water bucket. (Broad hint) Can you find it, Cody?
Cody is puzzled by this play-acting, but is willing to help.
CODY
Uh...sure! I think I saw it out by the pump.
Cody hurries out of the barn.
EXT. BARNYARD DAY
Cody goes directly to the water bucket. He lifts it casually... then does a double-take as he sees the EGG.
CODY
Hey...!
Excited, he picks it up and runs towards the barn door. He holds the egg high, while he carries the bucket in his other hand.
CODY
Hey! Look what I found! Look what I... (interrupted)
Cody stumbles over the bucket! The egg flies into the barn, going over the heads of the surprised group.
BARNEY
Uh oh!
Barney quickly kicks out one foot and rolls Baby Bop's untended baby carriage under the egg's path! It lands inside with a (SFX: PLOP) and rolls to a safe stop (SFX: SQUEAKY WHEELS).
CODY (Continuing) ...found.
MARCELLA
Definitely a butterfingers.
Everyone gathers around the carriage as the egg is removed and examined. Cody's enthusiasm quickly returns.
BABY BOP
What is it? Can I give it a ride? I wanna give it a ride!
CODY
It looks like some sort of...egg or something.
MARCELLA
It's too big to come from a chicken!
BJ
Maybe it was a really BIG chicken! He notices the quizzical looks from others.
BJ Hey, it was just an idea!
BABY BOP I wanna give it a ride!
BJ, realizing that Bop is getting to be a mild pest, pats his sister on the back, and leads her away from the group. She pushes the carriage (SFX: SQUEAKS).
BJ
Maybe later, Sissy. I don't think the cat has had a ride yet...
BABY BOP
Ooh, yeah! Here kitty, kitty, kitty!
Barney and the kids study the egg from all angles.
ABBY
Look at the colored rings.
MARCELLA
Barney, have you ever seen an egg like this?
BARNEY
I don't imagine so...
ABBY
Maybe Grandma will know!
CODY
Yeah, c'mon!
45.
Everyone runs happily toward the house. Barney does a one legged spin as they pass him. He holds onto the egg.
BARNEY
Whoa-oa-oa! (Chuckles)
INT. KITCHEN - DAY
The three children tumble into the KITCHEN, where Grandma is in full pie baking swing. The kids are momentarily distracted.
MARCELLA
Wow!
ABBY Grandma...!
As Grandma pulls an ODD LOOKING PIE from the oven, the kids look around. The spacious country kitchen is crowded with FRUITS & VEGETABLES of every description. DOZENS OF EMPTY PIE TINS are stacked precariously, next to a huge lump of PIE DOUGH, a ROLLING PIN, and some PIE TINS WITH RAW DOUGH waiting to be filled.
MULTIPLE SAUCEPANS of PIE FILLING are (SFX: GURGLING, RATTLING & STEAMING- almost musical) on the stovetop. MIXING BOWLS, SPICES, AND UTENSILS are scattered about. It's a noisy, colorful cross between a pie factory and a mad scientist's lab. Abby's CRAYON PICTURE of the dinos is on the REFRIGERATOR.
GRANDMA
I've made up my mind I'm going to win a ribbon! So I'm making every pie I can imagine...from "Blueberry Beef" to "Banana Macaroni Meringue"!
ABBY
Grandma, Cody found an egg!
GRANDMA
Yes, we have lots of eggs, dear...
MARCELLA But this isn't a chicken's egg!
GRANDMA
It isn't?
CODY
No, it's bigger, and it has colors, and...(interrupted)
GRANDMA
Well, if it's not a chicken egg, I can't be much help. But I know who would!
(A beat)
Mildred Goldfinch- our neighbor on the other side of the field!
This sparks happy recognition in the Newton kids.
CODY
The bird lady!
ABBY We met her last year!
GRANDMA
She's a bird watcher, dears. I think she knows everything about birds and eggs and things. Why don't you take it to her?
The kids dive for the door.
ABBY Great idea!
MARCELLA
Thanks, Mrs. Greenfield!
CODY
See you later! GRANDMA (Laughing) Be home by lunchtime!
ABBY We will!
EXT. GREENFIELD FARM / FIELD DAY
Barney, Marcella, Abby and Cody happily march through a bright sunlit field with Greenfield Farm in the distant background. The girls wear BELT POUCHES and Cody carries the egg in a BACKPACK.
BARNEY
Ah! What an EGG cellent day for a walk!
ABBY EGG-straordinary!
MARCELLA EGG-stremely!
CODY (Can't think of pun) EGG...uh...egg...?
BARNEY EGG citing?
CODY EGG zactly!
They step across a SCENIC BROOK, and head into SUN-DAPPLED WOODS.
MARCELLA
Now who is this "bird lady", again?
ABBY
Oh, we just call her that. Her name is Miss Goldfinch- and she's really nice!
CODY
Last Summer, she took us out birdwatching with her. She even taught us some birdcalls!
MARCELLA
Like what?
CODY
Well, a robin's whistle goes kind of like this... (He whistles)
ABBY
And a bluejay makes a sound like this... (She imitates the harsh call)
OTHERS (Laugh)
EXT.
48.
BARNEY
And the Ruby-spotted Duck-billed Norwegian Woodpecker makes a sound like this!
(Ridiculous, long, loud birdcall)
KIDS
(Laugh) MARCELLA
Do that again!
WOODSY AREA DAY
On hearing (BARNEY'S LUDICROUS BIRDCALL) MILDRED GOLDFINCH pops up from behind a BUSH, looking around through OVERSIZED BINOCULARS.
GOLDFINCH
Holy Moley! That sounds like a Ruby spotted Duck-billed Norwegian Woodpecker!
She lowers the binoculars and listens to the (REPEATED BIRDCALL).
GOLDFINCH
A purple one!
She is an energetic 50+, and presents a funny birdlike appearance (both in look and quick, quirky mannerisms). She wears a PITH HELMET adorned with a COLORFUL PLUME. Her KHAKI HIKING SHIRT & SHORTS are accented with a COLORFUL BANDANNA worn around her neck. BRIGHT YELLOW KNEE-LENGTH SOCKS and ORANGE TENNIS SHOES give her a "Bird leg" look. Her HEAVY RIMMED ROUND GLASSES give her eyes a birdlike appearance. She wears a FLASH CAMERA on a cord around her neck, where it fights for space with the OVERSIZED BINOCULARS.
From her pocket, she takes a WELL WORN BOOK "The Field Guide to Feathered Friends", issued by "Bird Buddies International".
GOLDFINCH
If I can get a picture, they'll HAVE to put me in the Field Guide to Feathered Friends!
With camera at the ready, Miss Goldfinch goes prowling through the bush. To help lure her quarry, she too sounds the birdcall.
49.
GOLDFINCH (RIDICULOUS BIRDCALL)
Barney and the kids hear (GOLDFINCH'S BIRDCALL) from a distance.
CODY
Hey, did you hear that?
BARNEY
I guess my birdcall really called a bird!
ABBY
Let's see if we can find it!
Both groups approach each other through the tall grass, each occasionally sounding the (LUDICROUS BIRDCALL). Finally, Barney and the kids creep into a clearing.
ABBY (Whispering)
We must be really close, now.
Cody spots a small movement in some tall grass.
CODY (Whispering)
I think it's right...over...there.
Our group tiptoes towards the movement. Suddenly, Miss Goldfinch pops up, with the camera held to her eye!
GOLDFINCH
Say CHICK a dees!
OTHERS (Startled)
Ah!
The camera FLASHES (SFX: FOOF!) and a PICTURE immediately spits out from the camera. We get a quick CLOSE UP OF PHOTO which shows Barney and the kids with humorously startled expressions.
GOLDFINCH (Also startled)
Oh!
CODY
It's Miss Goldfinch!
At this, Miss Goldfinch cocks her head quizzically, then smiles.
50.
GOLDFINCH
I know you! It's the Newton kids, right?
ABBY
Uh huh! And this is our friend Marcella!
GOLDFINCH
Say CHICK-a-dees!
Before the kids can react, Miss Goldfinch takes another FLASH picture. The kids blink to clear their eyes.
MARCELLA
And this is...(interrupted)
Miss Goldfinch checks out Barney with great enthusiasm.
GOLDFINCH
...a Ruby spotted Duck billed Norwegian Woodpecker! And he IS purple!
(A beat; puzzled) Big, too.
BARNEY Actually, I'm a...
GOLDFINCH
No, don't tell me! I'm good at this...
She thumbs through the FIELD GUIDE, looking at Barney occasionally.
GOLDFINCH
A Purple plumed Peruvian Parrot?
BARNEY Nope.
GOLDFINCH Yellow toed Violet Wood warbler?
BARNEY Sorry.
GOLDFINCH
Aha! Got it! It was here all the time! An Emerald bellied Dancing Dodo!
BARNEY
Not actually...
GOLDFINCH
Well you've got to be in the book!
MARCELLA
But Miss Goldfinch, Barney is a dinosaur!
GOLDFINCH
A dinosaur?
She cocks her head back and forth between Barney and the kids, then shrugs the matter off.
GOLDFINCH
Well! That explains it! This is a bird book! I'm a member of Bird Buddies International! (Laughs)
Who the heck has time to keep track of dinosaurs?
(To Barney) No offense.
None taken!
BARNEY
CODY
But Miss Goldfinch, we've got a question about birds!
ABBY
Or about an egg, anyway...
MARCELLA
Show her, Barney!
Barney removes the egg from Cody's backpack, and holds it for Miss Goldfinch's birdlike inspection.
GOLDFINCH
Yeowtch! I'd hate to be the bird who laid that!
CODY
I just found it at my Grandparent's farm...
52.
GOLDFINCH
I'm not sure what kind of egg it is! We'll have to take it back to my place to check!
OTHERS (ad-lib agreement)
GOLDFINCH Attennnn-SHUN!
All snap to surprised attention. Miss Goldfinch smiles approvingly.
GOLDFINCH Bird Buddies s s...move out!
Miss Goldfinch leads the marching group through the grass. Abby follows, carrying the egg, and Barney brings up the rear.
The marchers approach a LARGE TREE surrounded by BIRDS.
GOLDFINCH
Okay, we're almost there!
BARNEY
I guess your house must be on the other side of that tree..?
GOLDFINCH
Guess again! My house IS that tree!
OTHERS (ad-lib surprise and puzzlement)
GOLDFINCH
See what I mean?
Everyone looks up to see a FANCIFUL TREE HOUSE. The house has many BIRDHOUSE-LIKE FEATURES, and there are LIVING BIRDS of all types (including EXOTICS) in the branches and on the ground.
EXT. GOLDFINCH FRONT YARD - DAY KIDS
Wow! BARNEY It's Stuuuu pendous!
GOLDFINCH
Thanks! It's brand new! I won it in a contest!
MARCELLA
What kind of contest?
GOLDFINCH
I wrote a slogan for a birdseed company!
Barney and the kids are impressed by wandering FLAMINGOS, EMUS, COCKATIELS, PEACOCKS and the occasional PENGUIN. There are FANCY BIRDBATHS scattered about. There is an ELEVATOR embedded in the TREE TRUNK, and Miss Goldfinch presses the BUTTON (SFX: PING!).
BARNEY
Oh, I'm sure we'd all like to hear it!
Everyone enters the ELEVATOR.
GOLDFINCH
Well...if you insist... (Clears throat; then quotes) "Bixley Brothers Birdseed The seed picky birds pick to peck"
CODY
That was the winning entry?
GOLDFINCH (Laughing)
That was the only entry!
The elevator doors come to a full close. (SFX: DING!)
INT. GOLDFINCH HOME DAY
The ELEVATOR DOORS open. Barney and the kids react with surprise.
GOLDFINCH
Here we are! Home sweet home and it's definitely "for the birds"! (laughs)
The group steps into a fantasy land of birds! The interior of the home is BRIGHTLY COLORED, and ECCENTRICLY MODERN . LIVING BIRDS perch and fly at will. Beautiful BIRD CAGES with OPEN DOORS are everywhere. A small TELESCOPE points out a ROUND WINDOW. The occasional TREE BRANCH snakes around the room and/or ceiling.
54.
Along the back wall, there are LARGE SHELVES with CLOSED DOORS. There are also FRAMED PHOTOS OF BIRDS, and a FRAMED COPY OF THE BIRD BUDDIES CREDO. On a shelf, there is a DISPLAY OF EGGS ON STANDS, RANGING FROM HUMMINGBIRD SIZE TO OSTRICH SIZE.
KIDS Wow!
BARNEY You sure have a lot of feathered friends!
Miss Goldfinch takes the egg from Abby and puts it upright on a small STAND on her DESK in the foreground. The kids run around the room taking in the sights. Abby is checking out a MYNAH BIRD.
ABBY Hello!
MYNAH Hello! I'm Dinah!
GOLDFINCH
That's Dinah the Mynah bird.
On a nearby perch, an OWL turns its head toward the Mynah.
OWL Whooo? MYNAH I'm Dinah!
OWL Whooo? MYNAH I'm Dinah!
OWL (A long beat, then) ...Whooo?
MYNAH Diiiiii-nahhhh!!!! (exhales "Pshew!" in frustration)
The kids recoil in surprise at this blast, then smile.
GOLDFINCH
Those two really get on each other's nerves.
(a beat)
But I love them both...and all birds, everywhere! (Aside, to bird) Hit it, Dinah!
(MUSIC: the mynah establishes the opening notes of next song)
MYNAH
Me-me-me-me-meeee!
BARNEY
Oh! A song in a "mynah" key!
(SONG: "BIRD SONG" / ORIGINAL APPROX 2:00)
This is a fun, energetic song about the glories of birds. Miss Goldfinch begins the song, but all should participate. It should make extensive use of the PROPS in Miss Goldfinch's home. Keep in mind that squeaking, squawking, funny faces, flapping wings, etc, would all be fun. Consider a song form in which the verse lists lots of fun bird qualities and species...and a chorus which gets back to the idea that, it all starts with an egg.
It might be nice if Goldfinch's house opened onto some platforms or branches outdoors...and some of our staging could take place out amongst the branches.
Also, consider having Miss Goldfinch sing the final verse while holding her "Field Guide" open as if it were a hymnal (organ music under briefly)...then rolling into the big finish.
GOLDFINCH
Now- let's find out exactly what kind of egg we've got here!
CODY
Yeah! Goldfinch leads the group to her EGG DISPLAY.
GOLDFINCH
Let's see...I've got everything from hummingbird eggs to ostrich eggs...
MARCELLA
But none of them look like our egg!
56.
GOLDFINCH
You're right! But we'll still find out what it is!
BARNEY
How will we do that?
GOLDFINCH
Couldn't be easier! I'm sure I'll find it...(continues)
She opens the SHELF DOORS to reveal a HUGE INVENTORY OF BIRD BOOKS. Others express quiet awe.
GOLDFINCH
...in one of my bird books!
TIME PASSES in a series of DISSOLVES. Bit by bit, the large bookcase is emptied completely. BOOKS are stacked around the room. The group examines one book after another...but the more books they've gone through, the droopier everyone gets. Finally, the last book is spread open on the desk near the egg. Miss Goldfinch turns the last few pages, then closes the book with firm finality.
GOLDFINCH
I can't believe it! This egg isn't in ANY of my books!
ABBY That's terrible...
GOLDFINCH
No! It's great! It means that just maybe, I've finally discovered something new!
Miss Goldfinch paces excited but unsure what to do.
MARCELLA
That's great!
GOLDFINCH
No it's terrible. I'll never get the people at Bird Buddies International to believe me... (Aside)
I've made a couple of teensy little mistakes reporting birds in the past.
Miss Goldfinch smiles wistfully...just a hint of melancholy.
GOLDFINCH
I just wanted to be someone special. (To Cody)
There's nothing wrong with that, is there?
Cody recognizes a kindred spirit.
CODY
No. There's nothing wrong with that.
Barney and the kids rebuild Miss Goldfinch's enthusiasm.
BARNEY
Miss Goldfinch, I've got a feeling that if you try just one more time, you'll get your name into the Field Guide to Feathered Friends!
ABBY "Mildred Goldfinch...
MARCELLA
...Bird Buddy of the Year!"
GOLDFINCH
Ya think so? By golly I'll do it! I'll do it right now!
(A beat)
First, I'll need a picture!
She picks up her camera and prepares to shoot.
GOLDFINCH
Okay! Say CHICK-a-dees, a-a-and...
Before she can shoot, the egg wiggles and tumbles from the stand. It rolls several inches then stops.
CODY
Did you see what I saw?
BARNEY
I think I saw what you see...
GOLDFINCH
Forget the "see saw"...that egg moved!
Marcella places the egg back in the stand as all watch.
MARCELLA
Well...it's not moving now.
GOLDFINCH
Probably just the wind blowing this tree around and... (interrupted)
ABBY
No, wait! Look!
Everyone leans in for a close look. The egg wiggles ever so slightly. Suddenly, the BOTTOM RING of the egg bursts into (VFX: NEON BRIGHT COLOR, which casts off some SPARKLES, then the GLOW FADES AWAY). Afterwards, the bottom ring is a BRIGHT COLOR, in contrast to the other dull rings.
CODY
I've never seen an egg do that before!
GOLDFINCH
Neither have I! Let me check something...
Miss Goldfinch produces a STETHOSCOPE from her desk drawer, and listens to the egg.
GOLDFINCH (Whispers to others) Be perfectly quiet!
Everyone is quiet except for the (SFX: AMBIENT BIRDS). Goldfinch quickly puts a finger to her lips.
GOLDFINCH
SHhhh!
The (SFX: AMBIENT BIRDS) abruptly cease to make noise. Everyone leans in as Goldfinch moves the stethoscope from spot to spot. She hears nothing...nothing... nothing...then...
GOLDFINCH (Shouts)
John James Audubon! That egg is ALIVE!
OTHERS
Yayyy!!
The kids jump for joy Barney is excited, too. (SFX: AMBIENT BIRDS) returns. Goldfinch studies the egg intensely.
BARNEY
Is it going to hatch?
GOLDFINCH
Not quite yet. But I think it will...(Continues)
CLOSE UP of egg with rings.
GOLDFINCH
...when the last of these rings changes color.
Miss Goldfinch again points her camera at the egg.
GOLDFINCH Say CHICK-a-dees!
The camera flashes.
GOLDFINCH
I'm going to take this picture straight to the World Headquarters of Bird Buddies International!
CODY
But what about the egg?
GOLDFINCH
I'll be counting on you to take care of it, Cody! It's very important.
CODY
O Okay. But how?
GOLDFINCH
Well, it shouldn't be too hot...it shouldn't be too cold... (interrupted)
ABBY
It should be jus s st right.
GOLDFINCH
Did you learn that from school?
ABBY
I learned that from the Three Bears!
BARNEY (Chuckles)
60.
GOLDFINCH
Oh. But most importantly, don't let the egg break!
MARCELLA
It seems pretty strong...
Miss Goldfinch sets an OSTRICH EGG next to the Egg.
GOLDFINCH
Oh, a big egg like this one is strong. But...if you hit the shell in just the wrong way...
Goldfinch inspects the ostrich egg, then gives it a small (SFX: WHACK) with the end of a PENCIL. The egg is suddenly covered with (VFX: CRACKS) After a beat, the OSTRICH EGG FALLS INTO PIECES.)
BARNEY & KIDS (Humorous unison: GULP!)
CODY
Don't worry, Miss Goldfinch- I'll take care of it.
Cody places the egg back into his backpack.
GOLDFINCH
And I know you'll do a good job! Just make a little bed of hay for it in your grandparents' barn and don't let it out of your sight!
CODY Okay I promise.
Miss Goldfinch stands by an open balcony, the sky visible behind her. She is excitedly flapping her elbows, like a bird pre flight.
GOLDFINCH
Fine! Well, I'll be back later tonight. (Dramatically) I'm going to fly to Bird Buddies International!
ABBY
You can fly?!
GOLDFINCH
Sure! Of course, I'll be on an airplane.
BARNEY & KIDS
INT. BARN DAY
OHhhh....
Barney and the kids enter the barn. Cody removes the egg from his backpack, and places it on a small bed of HAY.
BARNEY
Did any more rings change color?
CODY
Umm no, not yet.
MARCELLA
I wonder where BJ and Baby Bop are? ABBY Probably back in the attic they love it up there!
BARNEY
I think I'll go check...
Barney ambles towards the house. Cody sits by the egg.
ABBY
And we should go in for lunch!
CODY
You go ahead, Ab- I think I'll watch the egg.
MARCELLA
You'll watch the egg? I know you miss cable-TV, but this is ridiculous!
CODY
But Miss Goldfinch said...
Marcella lifts the egg (with some straw underneath) and places it into a SMALL WOODEN CRATE marked: EGGS
MARCELLA
When she said to watch the egg, she didn't mean WATCH the egg. She just meant to keep it safe!
She closes a HINGED LID and gives it a pat.
MARCELLA
There! It's safe. Okay?
ABBY I'm hungry!
CODY
I don't think... (interrupted)
MARCELLA
That's cause you have boy brains.
Annoyed, Cody follows the girls out of the barn.
CODY
Okay, okay! Let's go have some lunch!
He takes one last look at the crate. It looks safe.
CODY
I guess that egg's not going anywhere.
62.
INT.
CENTRAL HALL / ENTRYWAY DAY
Barney enters the house, and hears (SFX: BABY BEGINS CRYING).
BARNEY (Cheery)
Uh-oh, I'd better go check the baby!
Barney ambles down the hall and turns into the baby's room. The crying instantly stops. Simultaneously, Grandpa steps out of the dining room and looks around.
GRANDPA
Hmm! Thought I heard Frederick crying! Must be my imagination...
The kids tumble in from outside, distracting Grandpa.
ABBY & CODY
Hi, Grandpa!
Hi!
MARCELLA
GRANDPA
Hey, hey- look who's here!
ABBY
Grandpa, we found this egg and saw Miss Goldfinch and...(interrupted)
Grandpa laughingly guides the kids into the dining room.
GRANDPA
Now just hold on with your stories until after you've eaten. Lunch is on the table, and one thing about lunch is lunch won't wait.
The kids look exasperated as they are led into the dining room.
INT. BABY'S ROOM DAY
Baby Fig, looking forlorn in his CLOTH DIAPER, stands in his CRIB.
BARNEY
Hello, Frederick!
FIG (Baby sigh) BARNEY What seems to be the problem?
FIG (Meaningless baby gabble)
Fortunately, Barney speaks the language.
BARNEY
Oh? A dirty diaper? I can help with that...
Barney places Fig on a changing table, drops the offending diaper into a DIAPER PAIL, then begins fitting a CLEAN DIAPER.
FIG (Baby chatter)
64.
BARNEY
What? You're tired of the same old look? Well, let's use a little imagination! (Chuckles)
Barney's arms move in a quick flurry (SFX: FLAPS and THWIPS).
BARNEY
Ah! Perfect!
CUT to Fig, who is resplendent in a very fancy TINY WHITE SUIT apparently made only of FOLDED WHITE DIAPERS!
FIG (Giggles gleefully)
EXT. BARN DAY
CUT to a shot of the barn door, just as a RATTLETRAP TRUCK pulls up in front of it. On the door of the truck is a LOGO and the PAINTED WORDS:
G.G. GAJOOB Fresh Eggs and Produce Farm to Market
The EGG MAN, a friendly-looking fellow dressed in coveralls with MATCHING LOGO and GIMME CAP, enters the barn.
INT. BARN DAY
He approaches the ROOSTING HENS, and tips his hat cordially.
EGG MAN
Ladies.
He opens the lid of a SMALL WOODEN CRATE marked EGGS, and sees CHICKEN EGGS stacked neatly inside.
EGG MAN
Ah! Fine, fresh eggs all ready to go to the store- and "Grade A" from the looks of 'em!
He lifts the crate and begins to leave with it, then notices the CRATE WITH OTHER EGG inside (lid is closed).
EGG MAN
Oops- Almost missed a box! You've been busy, girls!
He happily lifts the second crate, then walks out of the barn.
65.
INT. DINING ROOM DAY.
The kids chew huge wads of FOOD. They are anxious to talk.
ABBY (Mouth full) Now canny tella bouta negg? (Now can we tell you about the egg)
GRANDMA
Oh, Abby! You really shouldn't speak with your mouth full.
Abby rolls her eyes and keeps chewing. Grandpa shakes off the kids' odd behavior as Grandma takes SERVING DISHES off the table.
GRANDPA
Pies coming along okay, Eliza?
GRANDMA
Fine, fine. I'm just not sure which pies I should have Miss Goldfinch take to the contest for me.
(Thoughtful) That "Lemon Pickle Pie" looks promising...
Grandpa makes a slightly pained face, then rises. He gathers DISHES to take to the kitchen. Cody hastily swallows his food.
CODY
Grandma- we need to tell you about Miss Goldfinch!
ABBY
And about the egg!
GRANDMA
Yes, yes- the egg...oh! Eggs! That reminds me, I need to get more eggs from the barn to cook with!
Suddenly everyone hears (SFX: TRUCK BACKFIRES) from outside, causing them to look out the window.
The truck is departing, with EGG CRATES visible on the OPEN TRUCK BED. The truck is (SFX: BACKFIRING) as it goes.
GRANDPA
Too late! There goes the egg man!
66.
The kids exchange a worried look.
CODY
The egg man?
GRANDMA
He's the nice man who takes our eggs to the store in town!
She sweeps into the kitchen, with Grandpa following.
GRANDPA
Yep- we had a whole box full for him today...
Now, both grandparents have disappeared into the kitchen.
MARCELLA
A whole BOX full...?
KIDS WhoaaaAAA!
The kids explode up from the table, and scramble for the door. They encounter Barney as he ambles up the hall.
BARNEY
Dum dee doo, dum dum...
ABBY Barney! The egg!
MARCELLA
It might be gone!
BARNEY
Uh oh!
CODY
Come on!
Everyone dashes out the door (SFX: SCREEN DOOR and BARKING DOG).
Grandma backs into the dining room (pushing swinging door with her fanny). She carries a PIE WITH A SCORCHED WHOLE GRAPEFRUIT EMBEDDED IN THE TOP, and a PIE SERVER.
GRANDMA
A a and for dessert "Liver and Grapefruit Pie"...oh!
She turns to discover the empty chairs, just as Grandpa comes in carrying DESSERT PLATES and FORKS.
GRANDPA
Huh! Looks like they've run off to play some more!
GRANDMA
I'm glad they're having fun! After all... (a beat)
A farm isn't very exciting.
INT. BARNYARD DAY
Barney and the kids streak towards the barn.
BARNEY & KIDS
WhoooooaAAAAA!
BJ and Baby Bop watch this action from the ATTIC WINDOWS.
BABY BOP
What are they doing!?
BJ
I think they're having a race!
BABY BOP
Ohhhhh... (A beat)
I thought they had bees on their bottoms.
INT. BARN DAY
Barney and the kids come roaring into the barn.
CODY
The egg really is gone!
BARNEY
Uh oh!
MARCELLA
What are we gonna do?
CODY
We've got to go get it!
ABBY
But how? (cynical)
We can't all ride on Agnes!
68.
Agnes the horse nods in vigorous agreement.
CODY
And there's nothing else here except a little wagon. Marcella has a slightly mischievous look.
MARCELLA
I think I have an idea.
BARNEY
Great! (Curious) Uh...Just what did you have in mind?
EXT. BARNYARD DAY
Suddenly, Agnes the horse comes galloping out the barn door with all 3 kids aboard! Cody is at the reins with the girls behind him. There is a ROPE attached to the SADDLE, which leads to Barney who stands upright in the SMALL GARDEN WAGON!
BARNEY
Whoa-ho-HO!
EXT. COUNTRY ROAD - DAY
Agnes gallops to the road with Barney "skiing" behind. Barney's extended hand clips the ENTRY ARCH SIGN, causing it to wobble back and forth (SFX: BOIIIING!)
ABBY
Are you okay, Barney?
BARNEY
Teeee riffic!
CODY
Good! Agnes follow that truck!
Agnes races forward. Barney sways awkwardly. Inside the truck, the Egg Man is blissfully unaware that he is being followed.
Gradually, the horse gains some ground on the truck. The kids see TWO EGG CRATES on the open bed of the truck.
ABBY
I see the box!
69.
MARCELLA
Yeah- but I see a bump!
The truck takes a sharp BUMP as it crosses over a RAILROAD TRACK. An EGG CRATE goes flying off the bed!
CODY
No!
The box hits the ground, spilling CHICKEN EGGS.
CODY
Chicken eggs...! (Calls a warning) Bump, Barney!
BARNEY What?
Agnes easily crosses the railroad tracks. But when Barney hits them, he does a full (VFX: LOOP THE LOOP).
BARNEY
Whoaaaa!
The kids wince, but Barney lands back on his wheels.
BARNEY
Tah dahhhh!
The truck begins to pull away.
CODY
He's going faster! We'll never catch up!
MARCELLA Barney! We're too slow!
BARNEY
Just use your imagination!
MARCELLA
(To self)
Okay, I'm imagining that Agnes is a real race horse...
Suddenly, a line of (VFX/SFX: SPARKLES) passes from Agnes' nose to her tail. As it travels, "Agnes" is replaced by a THOROUGHBRED RACEHORSE, and the kids are all wearing COLORFUL JOCKEY OUTFITS.
ABBY What's happening?
MARCELLA
All right!
CODY
This is getting very weird!
ABBY Go, Agnes, go!
The rejuvenated RACEHORSE runs magnificently!
BARNEY (Calling Race) Aaaand they're off! Coming down the straight-away, it's Egg Man in the lead, but Agnes coming up fast on the outside, with Cody, Abby and Marcella hanging on! And trailing the pack is...Oh! It's me! (Chuckles)
EXT. MERRIVALE OUTSKIRTS DAY
The truck enters the outskirts of town the RACEHORSE closing fast.
ABBY We're coming into town!
CODY
Good he'll have to stop soon!
EXT. BLOCKED STREET MERRIVALE MAIN STREET DAY
Suddenly, the Egg Man sees that the road is partially blocked with several BARRICADES. A LARGE BANNER proclaims: "Merrivale Founder's Day PARADE ROUTE". A POLICEMAN turns to see the truck speeding towards him, blows his whistle (SFX: WHISTLE) and raises his hand.
POLICEMAN
Stop!
71.
The Egg Man pulls hard on the steering wheel as he slams on the brakes! The truck does a 180˚ spin as it stops...but the EGG CRATE goes flying past the barricades and skids down the center of the empty street. The sidewalks are lined with early PARADE WATCHERS.
Now the policeman sees a galloping horse and dinosaur headed his way! He again blows his whistle.
POLICEMAN
Stop!
Cody pulls back on the reins.
CODY Agnes! Whoa!
As the horse skids to a stop, a brief tracing of (VFX: MAGICAL SPARKLES) converts Agnes and the kids BACK TO THEIR ORIGINAL CONDITION. Meanwhile, Barney's momentum sends him shooting between barricades as he releases the rope!
BARNEY
Gangway!
Barney tries to keep his balance and sees the EGG CRATE in the street in front of him. He readies himself to make a grab.
BARNEY
And...I've...got it!
Barney snatches up the crate (standing on one foot to do so)...but the crate was upside down. The lid opens as the box is lifted and carried away. The egg spins on the street, unharmed, then stops.
BARNEY
Then again, maybe I don't... Uh oh!
Barney nearly runs down a CLOWN carrying a STREAMER OF BALLOONS.
BARNEY
'Scuze me!
After the near collision, the clown is left holding the BOX, while Barney drags the balloon streamer as he sails down the street.
On a DECORATED REVIEWING STAND, THE MAYOR, his/her ASSISTANT, and a few BIG-WIGS are waiting for the parade to start. As they watch, Barney goes sailing past, balanced on one foot and pulling the Balloon Streamer through the air.
BARNEY
Whoaaaaaa!
The crowd cheers and applauds. The dignitaries are confused, but also applaud. The Mayor speaks into the MICROPHONE.
MAYOR (LOUDSPEAKER)
Now that's the kind of wholesome family entertainment we need more of!
The Mayor steps back from the mic, still waving at the crowd.
ASSISTANT
Yes sir, Mr. Mayor! (a beat) But...what was it?
MAYOR
(Smiling, waving) I have no idea.
EXT. SIDEWALK - DAY
On the sidewalk which fronts the parade route, "Founder's Day" DECORATIONS abound, and there are numerous PEOPLE IN COSTUMES walking around making Barney less noticeable. Lining the sidewalk, and looking towards the street, FAMILY-TYPE CROWDS wait for the parade. Barney and the kids come running breathlessly together from opposite directions.
ABBY Barney! Did you get the egg?
BARNEY
No, it's still out there on the street!
CODY
Come on!
Everyone hurries towards a break in the crowd.
BARNEY
Oop! Wait a minute!
The kids screech to a stop just before reaching the curb.
MARCELLA
What is it, Barney?
BARNEY
What are the rules about crossing the street?
ABBY Oh...uh...always look both ways?
BARNEY Tha-a-a-at's right!
They make their way to the edge of the street.
CODY (Cynical) Okay, first we look this way...
They all look down the street- it is completely empty.
CODY ...and there's nothing coming. Now we look that way and...
In unison our party turns their heads to look the other way. Their eyes bug out with surprise and shock.
They see a large MARCHING BAND TIME-STEPPING IN PLACE just a few feet from the EGG! The band BEGINS TO PLAY. (MUSIC: MARCHING BAND)
BARNEY & KIDS (Barely audible) (ad-lib: No! Wait! Hold on!)
Barney and the kids are drowned out by the music, and wince as the band comes MARCHING towards the egg. A row of STOMPING FEET approach the egg. One by one, miraculously, the feet step over the egg in perfect cadence. Barney and the kids watch, petrified, as the band does FANCY MARCHING PATTERNS, criss crossing over the egg.
ABBY Oooo- I can't look!
MARCELLA Tell me when it's over!
The band moves on...revealing the egg intact!
CODY Hey! It's over!
74.
MARCELLA
Is it a scrambled egg?
BARNEY
Nope!
ABBY
But it's about to be a pancake!
As the (MUSIC: BAND CONTINUES IN BACKGROUND, perhaps playing "ANIMAL FAIR"), we now see a LARGE, FESTIVELY ADORNED ELEPHANT lumbering towards the egg. Riding on its back is the FOUNDER'S DAY QUEEN, carrying a SMALL BOUQUET OF FLOWERS.
MAYOR (VO/LOUDSPEAKER)
And here she comes- Merrivale's own Founder's Day Queen!
The elephant's feet slam the road with each step heading straight for the egg. With the elephant's foot coming ever closer in the background, the egg's (VFX/SFX: SECOND RING UNDERGOES GLOWING COLOR CHANGE) at the last possible moment.
BARNEY
Look another ring is changing color!
The elephant's foot stops inches above the still-glowing egg...causing the Parade Queen to lurch to a stop. The elephant lifts the egg with its trunk and examines it.
ELEPHANT
Huhhhh? (Elephant curiosity)
PARADE QUEEN (Forced smile)
Come on, Jumbo, let's keep movin'!
The elephant continues to walk down the parade route, swinging its trunk...and the egg...from side to side.
BARNEY
Follow that elephant!
Barney and the kids chase down the crowded sidewalk.
MARCELLA
OHhhh...What would Miss Goldfinch say if she could see the egg?
INT. JET'S PASSENGER COMPARTMENT DAY
CUT to SNAPSHOT OF THE EGG. It is held in Miss Goldfinch's hands.
GOLDFINCH
Ah, wait till Bird Buddies International gets a look at you! (laughs delightedly)
Miss Goldfinch is in an AIRPLANE SEAT, still wearing her camera, binoculars and hat. Her laugh is interrupted as a smiling FLIGHT ATTENDANT stoops to display a PLASTIC TRAY with PACKAGED PEANUTS.
FLIGHT ATTENDANT
Nuts?
GOLDFINCH
Oh, shucks no! I'm just excited! (to self)
Ahh...It's nice to know that the egg is in good hands.
INSERT: Miss Goldfinch's jet arcs through towering clouds.
EXT. PARADE ROUTE DAY
The egg still sways in the elephant's trunk as it walks. Barney and the kids chase along the sidewalk.
MARCELLA
Oh, I wish Mister hose nose would give us back the egg!
BARNEY
Don't worry- I'm sure the egg will be just fine... (thinks) ...as long as the elephant doesn't sneeze!
CODY
What would make an elephant sneeze?
The Parade Queen sniffs her flowers, wrinkles her nose, and... . PARADE QUEEN ah...AH...CHOO!
76.
The flowers scatter, falling around the elephant's trunk. The elephant sniffs, rolls its eyes, and...
MARCELLA
Oh no...!
ELEPHANT
ah...AH...AHH CHOO!
The egg flies through the air, towards Barney and the kids. They strain to catch it...but it sails over their heads.
EXT. JUGGLER'S STREET CORNER - DAY
Suddenly, the egg is snatched out of the air by a man's hand! (SFX: SMACK!) It is a STREET CORNER JUGGLER, who has a small STAND with other JUGGLING PROPS. A scattering of PEOPLE look on.
JUGGLER (Deadpan)
Thank you this'll do just fine. And now, on with the show.
He juggles the EGG, a HEAD OF LETTUCE, and a MELON.
JUGGLER
Notice if you will, ladies and gentlemen...that at no time...do my hands leave my arms...
He speaks with the distinctive stop-and-start cadence used by jugglers as they concentrate. Barney tries to get his attention.
BARNEY
Uh...excuse me?
JUGGLER
Whoa!
Momentarily surprised, the juggler lets the melon fall to the ground...where it splatters (SFX: SHPLOP!) alongside OTHER DROPPED & BROKEN PRODUCE at his feet. Even so, he keeps his eye on the egg and lettuce as they continue to spin in the air.
JUGGLER
You took me by surprise...my large purple friend. (a beat)
And you should never...ever... surprise a juggler. (a beat)
Except on my birthday.
Without stopping, he adds a GRAPEFRUIT to the juggled objects.
JUGGLER
You see, there are two things a juggler should always remember. (a beat)
Never take your eyes off what you're juggling...
ABBY
But Mister...! The juggler winces again and the lettuce splatters on his feet.
JUGGLER
And never wear your good shoes.
He deftly adds a CAULIFLOWER, without breaking rhythm.
JUGGLER
Yes, what is it young lady?
ABBY That's our egg you're juggling!
JUGGLER
This thing is an egg? (a beat) Where did you get it the Easter Ostrich?
ABBY Please...I'm worried about it.
JUGGLER Will it bounce if I drop it?
ABBY No.
JUGGLER
Okay. (a beat) Now we're both worried about it. Reaction shot from Barney and kids. They hang on every move.
JUGGLER
But your egg is perfectly safe... because I know...almost everything...about juggling.
BARNEY
Uh...what don't you know?
JUGGLER
I don't know...how to stop. He continues juggling, looking a bit unsure of himself.
INT. CENTRAL HALL STAIRWAY DAY
CUT to BJ and Bop coming down the stairs. Bop drags her blankey.
BABY BOP
My tummy is hungry!
BJ
Yeah, mine too. Maybe we can ask for some... (suddenly distracted)
As BJ and Bop turn into the dining room from the staircase, they see DOZENS OF ODD PIES covering every surface.
BABY BOP ...pie!
BJ
Wow...!
BABY BOP Pies and pies and pies!
Baby Bop reaches for a pie, but BJ stops her.
BJ
Wait, Sissy. We need to ask permission first.
BABY BOP
Oh. Okay.
79.
BJ walks to the kitchen door, then calls through it.
BJ
Mrs. Greenfield?
On the other side of the door, Grandma WASHES DISHES in a SUDSY SINK. A considerable pile of DIRTY DISHES sits nearby.
BJ (VO)
Oh, Mrs. GREEeeenfield!
GRANDMA
(To Self)
Heavens that must be Mildred Goldfinch! (Calling) I'm here in the kitchen!
BJ speaks through the closed door, as Bop examines pies.
BJ Can I take a pie?
GRANDMA
Would it be too much trouble for you to take all of them?
BABY BOP (Hushed; to BJ) Take all of them?
They exchange a "high five". BJ calls back through the door.
BJ NOo o o o problem!
BJ and Bop eagerly start gathering pies.
BJ (Still calling) They sure look tasty!
GRANDMA (VO)
I just hope one of them is good enough to win a ribbon!
BJ
Well, I'll sure let you know!
Grandma walks towards the kitchen door, wiping her hands.
80.
GRANDMA
This is really so nice of you, Mildred, I just don't know how... (continues)
She opens the kitchen door. There are no pies (and no dinos) anywhere to be seen.
GRANDMA
...to thank you. Oh! (Baffled) I wonder how she did that?
INT. ATTIC DAY
CUT to BJ, walking backwards and motioning with his hands...
BJ (like Construction worker) Okay, bring it on back, bring it on back...
He is guiding Baby Bop, as she jauntily pushes her baby carriage (SFX: SQUEAKY WHEELS) with a TOWERING TEETERING STACK OF PIES. BABY BOP (Giggles)
BJ
Careful! We don't want anything to fall!
EXT. JUGGLER'S STREET CORNER - DAY
CUT back to the juggler, now beaded with sweat and looking pretty desperate as he works.
JUGGLER
Okay, we don't want anything to fall...but I'm getting really tired. (a beat)
So I'm going to try...an old juggler's trick...that just might work. It's called...the "Three Duck" trick.
BARNEY
How does it work?
81.
Like this... (a beat)
JUGGLER
One...two...three DUCK!
On the count of three, the juggler hurls all objects straight up into the air, then covers his head as he "ducks".
BARNEY, KIDS, ONLOOKERS (ad-lib shock and surprise)
The CAULIFLOWER explodes on the sidewalk! A few feet farther away, the GRAPEFRUIT splatters! But the egg is nowhere in sight. The Juggler uses this opportunity to slink off.
CODY
Hey...The egg must have come down on something soft!
BARNEY
How do you know that?
CODY (A bit queasy)
Cause I didn't hear anything go SPLAT...
MARCELLA, ABBY (Concerned) Eeeewwwww!
BARNEY
Then it must be around here somewhere...
But as Barney and the kids glance quickly around, they see only a distracting hodgepodge of PEOPLE, some in COSTUMES, PARADE PERFORMERS, people carrying BALLOONS and other vaguely EGG SHAPED DISTRACTIONS, etc. Everyone seems to be in motion- the egg could be traveling in almost any direction. The kids begin to lose hope.
MARCELLA
I don't see it...
CODY
This is not good.
ABBY
It's really lost, isn't it?
All three kids sit heavily on a BUS STOP BENCH looking dejected.
BARNEY
AWwww, don't give up.
(Cheery)
Hey, maybe we should just try looking over here...!
He takes a few steps...but the kids aren't following.
BARNEY
Or maybe we could look over this way some more and...
He steps jauntily in the other direction...but the kids don't budge, lost in gloom.
CODY
We already looked over there.
MARCELLA
Yeah...
Abby is near tears.
ABBY
Barney, the egg is really lost, okay? It's lost...and we'll never find it.
Barney studies the sad children, then says...
BARNEY
I guess you're right! You won't ever find it!
The kids are surprised.
BARNEY
At least, you won't ever find it just by sitting on that bench. Or by being so sad...
(SONG: LOST THINGS ORIGINAL APPROX 1:30)
In this song, Barney tries to cheer the kids up and inspire them to start looking around again. NOTE: From a developmental standpoint, young children tend to think that when things are lost, they've virtually ceased to exist. In this song, we want to reassure them that lost things will eventually turn up somewhere, somehow. Nothing really "disappears"...it just happens to be someplace you haven't looked yet.
83.
As the message in Barney's song takes root, our group again begins actively searching for the egg. MONTAGE of shots as they look in interesting places.
As the song finishes back on the original street corner, the egg still hasn't been located, but everyone has had their mood lifted.
ABBY
I don't know where that egg is- but I'm not going to be a quitter!
MARCELLA
Me neither!
BARNEY
Oh, good! I'm just sure things will start looking up soon!
CODY Looking up...? (a beat) That's it!
MARCELLA What's "it"?
CODY
All this time we've been looking around...when we should have been looking up!
OTHERS
Huh?
In unison, they all tilt their heads back. They look up from the spot the juggler had the egg...up several stories, past a FLAG POLE with HANGING BANNER...and there, balanced on the edge of the roof, sits the EGG. A number of PIGEONS also flutter around.
CODY
There it is!
BARNEY
I guess what goes up doesn't always come down!
MARCELLA
Look there's some stairs!
Visible through an OPEN DOORWAY, we can see a STAIRCASE leading upwards. Everyone runs in that direction.
84.
ABBY
Ohhhh, we've got to get up there before it falls off!
Barney breathlessly tries to keep a positive perspective.
BARNEY
Don't worry! Remember, things could always be worse!
CODY
How? BARNEY
Well, there could be a lot more stairs to climb...
EXT. "BIRD BUDDIES INTERNATIONAL" BUILDING - DAY
CUT to a huge flight of MARBLE STEPS leading to a WASHINGTON, DC STYLE BUILDING adorned with MAJESTIC BIRD STATUES. Miss Goldfinch has tiredly made it to the top, and looks up to read the ENGRAVED LETTERS above the MARBLE PILLARS:
GOLDFINCH
"Bird Buddies International" (a beat)
I can hear 'em already: "Mildred Goldfinch, you're a hero!"
INT. CLASSIFICATION DESK - DAY
FEATHERBY
Mildred Goldfinch, you're a loony!
These words are issued point blank by MR. FEATHERBY, an officiously snooty bureaucrat, wearing a BOW TIE, BRIGHTLY COLORED BLAZER with the BIRD BUDDIES LOGO/CREST, and a NAME TAG which says: MR. FEATHERBY, CLASSIFICATION. He stands behind a COUNTER, on top of which is a MANILA FILE filled with PAPERS. He is framed by TWO LARGE OPEN BIRD BOOKS on ROTATING STANDS, also on the counter. Behind him, we can see a vast array of FILE CABINETS, which are being serviced by CLERKS in BLAZERS. There is a BIRD MOTIF in the decorating.
Mildred Goldfinch, looking small but feisty, stands on the other side of the desk with her SNAPSHOTS. The area she stands in is RICHLY DECORATED with lots of POLISHED WOOD and PAINTINGS & STATUES OF BIRDS. On the open door behind her, we can see the painted words: "CLASSIFICATION DEPT."
85.
GOLDFINCH
Now listen here... (She checks his name tag) "Featherby"! I'm telling you my friends and I have discovered something brand new!
FEATHERBY
Miss Goldfinch, I have your file right here. You have "discovered" new birds 57 times in the past. And every time, you were absolutely wrong.
GOLDFINCH Every time?
Featherby looks through the file, shaking his head in disbelief. One by one, he pulls out REPORTS which have SNAPSHOTS attached. As the conversation unfolds, various CLERKS gravitate to Featherby's side, until he is holding court for a gallery of snickering people.
FEATHERBY
For example, your "Wood necked Tailflapper" turned out to be... (a beat) a feather duster.
SNAPSHOT of FEATHER DUSTER.
Okay, but...
GOLDFINCH
FEATHERBY
The "Great Honking Roadrunner" was a fried chicken delivery truck...
SNAPSHOT of MOVING VEHICLE WITH GIANT CHICKEN HEAD & TAIL.
GOLDFINCH
It was moving so fast...
FEATHERBY
And your "Giant Yellow billed Song Sparrow"...well, really!
SNAPSHOT of SESAME STREET'S "BIG BIRD" on a TV SCREEN.
FEATHERBY
He has his own TV show!
GOLDFINCH
I thought he looked familiar...
Featherby casually handles the snapshot of the egg.
FEATHERBY
And now you bring in a snapshot of some thing... (interrupted)
GOLDFINCH
It's an egg!
FEATHERBY
You might as well claim that it's, well... (joking) ...a dinosaur's egg!
This gets an appreciative laugh from Featherby's underlings.
GOLDFINCH You know about the dinosaur?
FEATHERBY Pardon me?
GOLDFINCH
Ah nothing.
FEATHERBY (Cold finality) Miss Goldfinch, that so-called "egg" is like nothing...on...Earth.
GOLDFINCH
And if a bird hatches from it...?
Featherby taps his finger on a copy of the FIELD GUIDE.
FEATHERBY
If a bird hatches from that, we'll put your picture on the cover of the "Field Guide to Feathered Friends".
GOLDFINCH
It's a deal! (a beat) Oh, and one more thing...
FEATHERBY
Yes...?
87.
The assembled smirking group leans toward Goldfinch. She quickly whips up her FLASH CAMERA.
GOLDFINCH
Say CHICK-a-dees!
The camera FLASHES, leaving the group blinking and staring blindly into space. Several surprised clerks have tossed FILES into the air, and PAPERS drift down around the bedazzled snobs.
ALL (Ad lib dazed reactions)
She glances appreciatively at the snapshot.
GOLDFINCH
Now that's a picture worth taking back to Barney and the kids!
EXT. ROOFTOP - DAY
From a ROOFTOP STAIR ENCLOSURE, Barney and the kids come tumbling breathlessly onto a FLAT ROOF with a 3 FOOT RAISED WALL around the edge. (SFX: PARADE SOUNDS) come from the street below.
CODY Where's the egg?
ABBY
It's over there!
The EGG sits balanced on the RAISED WALL nearest the Parade Route.
BARNEY
Oh boy!
Suddenly, a PIGEON lands atop the egg, causing it to wiggle ever so slightly. Barney and the kids screech to a halt.
MARCELLA
Oh, bird!
CODY
Maybe if I just...Oop! (interrupted)
Cody takes a few steps forward, but the pigeon FLAPS ITS WINGS, causing the egg to wobble. Everyone freezes until the bird calms itself. They speak in NERVOUS, HUSHED TONES.
BARNEY
Let's try not to scare the bird.
CODY
Why not? She's sure scaring us...
ABBY
Maybe we could do something to make her like us...
MARCELLA
Yeah! Cody, make a sound like a nice, fat, yummy worm!
CODY
Get real! (a beat) Pigeons eat bread crumbs.
MARCELLA
Okay- make a sound like a bread crumb!
CODY (Opens mouth, but can't think of sound)
ABBY
Maybe if we pretend to be pigeons, she won't be scared...
BARNEY
Good idea...Croo! Croo!
Barney and the kids make humorous pigeon-y movements and "pigeon calls"... lightly flapping their "wings", crooking their necks about, and staring with vacant, unblinking eyes.
OTHERS
Croo...croo...croo...
Bit by bit, they get closer.
CODY Croo! (a beat) I feel so silly...!
ABBY But it's...croo!...working.
89.
BARNEY
Just a little closer...croo!
Unexpectedly, a CAT appears, licking it's lips.
CAT MEOW!
The frightened pigeon flaps its wings! The egg wobbles!
MARCELLA
Oh no!
The pigeon takes flight! The egg falls over the edge!
BARNEY
Whoaaa! Gangway!
Barney dives over the edge of the building after the egg and disappears! The kids are shocked!
ABBY Barney?!
There is a (SFX: KA THWANG!) sound, and Barney comes briefly flying up into view.
BARNEY
Yes?
He disappears again.
MARCELLA
Are you okay?
(SFX: KA THWANG) Barney bounces back into view again.
BARNEY
Fine, thanks! And you?
As he drops from view again, the kids rush to the edge of the building. Barney is using the FLAGPOLE which extends from the lower story as a trampoline. After taking this in, Cody asks...
CODY
But Barney- did you catch the egg?!
With a final (SFX: KA-THWANG!) Barney comes flipping back onto the rooftop with a significant (SFX: THUD!).
BARNEY
Nope but this time, it did land someplace nice and soft!
90.
But where?
MARCELLA
Barney points down from the roof.
BARNEY
On top of that woman's hat!
He refers to a WOMAN wearing an EXTRAVAGANTLY DECORATED HAT. The EGG is nestled in with the other decorations. She is being escorted by a MAN as they walk in the front door of Merrivale's fanciest restaurant: "CHEZ SNOBBE".
CODY Look she's going into a restaurant!
MARCELLA
All we have to do is go ask her for it!
ABBY
Nothing's going to stop us now!
INT. "CHEZ SNOBBE" LOBBY - DAY
MAITRE D' Stop!
Barney and the kids come to an abrupt halt just inside the door of the "CHEZ SNOBBE" blocked by the disdainful French MAITRE D'.He wears ELEGANT CLOTHING, and sports a PENCIL MOUSTACHE. In the background, we hear some (SFX: DINING SOUNDS & VIOLIN MUSIC)
MAITRE D'
No one gets into "Chez Snobbe" without a reservation! (Sneers)
Especially little children and... (inspects Barney) ...and whatever you are.
BARNEY
My name is Barney!
CODY
He's a dinosaur!
MAITRE D' Fascinating. Now go away.
91.
Abby has slipped past the Maitre D', and sees the EGG still perched on the WOMAN'S HAT as she sits with the MAN.
ABBY
I see it!
The Maitre D' takes Abby's arm and escorts her back to the group. He then begins to "shoo" everyone back towards the exit.
MAITRE D'
I told you, no one gets in without a reservation!
As this conversation takes place, a MAN IN WAITER'S GARB hurries in from outside, walks past the group and into the restaurant. The WAITER has GREASED BACK HAIR and a PENCIL MOUSTACHE.
CODY
Hey he got in without a reservation!
MAITRE D'
That's different. He works here. (a beat) Good day...and good bye.
EXT. OUTSIDE "CHEZ SNOBBE" DAY
Barney and the kids are herded out of the restaurant.
BARNEY Well! I think someone got up on the wrong side of bed this morning!
CODY
So now what?
Marcella notices a LAUNDRY EMPLOYEE who is rolling a RACK OF WAITERS JACKETS from his LAUNDRY TRUCK.
MARCELLA
I've got an idea Abby, do you still have crayons in your tote bag?
ABBY
Yeah, I think so...
Abby unzips her BELT POUCH and takes out SEVERAL CRAYONS. Barney and Cody exchange a quick, puzzled glance.
92.
MARCELLA
Okay- hold still...
Marcella takes the BLACK CRAYON, and quickly scribbles a PENCIL MOUSTACHE on Abby's upper lip. She then pulls Abby's hair back.
MARCELLA
Well...how does she look?
BARNEY
Just like a waiter..! (Chuckles)
INT. "CHEZ SNOBBE" DINING ROOM - DAY
In the elegant interior of CHEZ SNOBBE, WAITERS scurry about, pushing CARTS WITH SILVER DOMES. A VIOLIN PLAYER strolls. CUSTOMERS are enjoying fashionably late LUNCH cuisine. The atmosphere is broken by a new sound (SFX: BOOMP...BOOMP...)
CLOSE UP of a CRYSTAL WATER GLASS. Tiny ripples bounce across the surface of the water, in sync with the (SFX: BOOMP...BOOMP).
The glass belongs to STEVEN SPIELBERG, who is examining the ripples only moments before BARNEY lumbers past his table. Barney is dressed in WAITER'S GARB, and has a CRAYON PENCIL MOUSTACHE. It is his feet which made the (SFX: BOOMPS) Behind him are the three kids, all of whom have WAITER'S GARB, MOUSTACHES, and SLICKED-BACK HAIR. They approach the TABLE where the wealthy-looking MAN (GERARD) and WOMAN (CASSANDRA) sit, examining LARGE ELEGANT MENUS.
GERARD (Affected)
Oh, here's our waiter at last.
BARNEY
Ah...yes. But first, might I speak to you about your hat...?
CASSANDRA
My hat? Do you like it?
As Cassandra tilts her head back to address Barney, the EGG rolls off her hat, and lands amidst a SALAD on a SILVER SERVING DISH moments before a real WAITER lowers a SILVER DOME over it...and pushes the CART away.
BARNEY
Uh...yes! It's a lovely hat!
93.
CASSANDRA
Thank you for noticing! (a beat) Not everyone notices.
The KID WAITERS begin to pursue the CART, but the Maitre D' steps into their path. He fills their field of vision.
MAITRE D'
Here now! Don't you waiters have anything better to do?
CODY ("Grown-up") Oh! Ah...yes, sir!
ABBY, MARCELLA (Grown up) Yes! Right away!
The Maitre D' raises a suspicious eyebrow, but leaves. The kids are dumbfounded to see DOZENS OF IDENTICAL CARTS & TRAYS being wheeled around the dining room!
ABBY Which one is it?
MARCELLA
We'll just have to look!
Cody shrugs in Barney's direction. Barney is forced to keep stalling at the table of snooty Gerard, and pleasant Cassandra.
GERARD
Waiter, what do you recommend on the menu?
Barney glances at Gerard's menu.
BARNEY
Let me see...uh-huh....ah! (a beat) May I suggest the peanut butter and jelly sandwich?
GERARD
You may not!
BARNEY
Perhaps the grilled cheese sandwich would be more to your liking?
GERARD
Grilled cheese?!
BARNEY (Enticing) Comes with french fries...
GERARD
You're reading from the children's menu!
BARNEY
Oh! So I am! (a beat) Is that a problem?
Meanwhile, the kids peek under various DOMES, but find only FOOD.
CASSANDRA
Gerard...I think I'd like a peanut butter and jelly sandwich.
BARNEY Very good! And for you, sir?
GERARD
Oh, all right- I'll have the same.
He passes Barney the menus with a dismissive air.
GERARD
And to drink, we'll each have a glass of the White.
BARNEY
Excellent! Two peanut butter sandwiches...(continues)
He turns to leave for the kitchen.
BARNEY ...aaaand two glasses of milk.
As Barney approaches the kitchen, he has a quick chat with Cody.
BARNEY Any luck yet?
CODY
No- can you keep stalling?
95.
I think so!
BARNEY
Barney pushes open the door to the kitchen.
BARNEY
Fortunately, dinosaurs know a lot about fine dining...
INT. ATTIC DAY
BJ and Baby Bop sit sprawled amongst the carnage of a pie eating binge. There are CHUNKS OF PIE CRUST, and EMPTY PIE TINS everywhere. Both dinos have CRUMBS on their BLOATED TUMMIES, and scattered around them. Both have PIE FILLING STAINS on their mouths and fingers. Baby Bop is wearing her blankey like a bib. Both are overstuffed and can barely move.
BJ
Ai yi yi...I don't think I could eat one more pie.
BABY
BOP
(Hiccup) 'Scuze me. (A beat) There is only one more pie.
Ralph the dog pushes a FINAL PIE to within the dinos' reach. The pie features WHOLE PICKLES in a sea of BRIGHT YELLOW CUSTARD. The pie has a BOTTOM CRUST, and is not in a pie tin.
BABY BOP
It's a Lemon Pickle Pie.
BJ Lemon Pickle?! OHhhh... (A beat) That's my favorite!
BJ takes a huge bite of the pie, and chews. (SFX: MOIST SHPLORTS & CRISP PICKLES). Ralph covers his eyes with paw. BJ blinks his eyes rapidly and smacks his lips (SFX: HUMOROUS "SOUR" STINGER).
BJ (Puckered lips)
Man, that's sour! (sighs)
It just doesn't get any better than this!
96.
Baby Bop nods tired agreement and lets fly with...
BABY
(Explosive BELCH!)
BOP
Neither dino reacts to this yeoman belch. BJ continues to eat as Baby Bop daintily dabs the corner of her mouth with her blankey.
INT. CHEZ SNOBBE DINING ROOM DAY
Barney hovers over his customers as the kids continue their search. Gerard and Cassandra are just finishing their meal.
BARNEY
And did we save room for dessert?
Gerard lowers his glass of milk to reveal a milk moustache.
GERARD
No, we did not.
CASSANDRA
But the peanut butter and jelly sandwiches were delicious!
BARNEY
I'm sure the Chef will be tickled. (a beat) And will there be anything else?
GERARD
I don't think...(interrupted)
CASSANDRA
Yes! I'd like to hear a song.
BARNEY Excuse me?
CASSANDRA
A love song...please Gerard?
GERARD (Grudgingly)
If it will make you happy...
BARNEY (To Gerard)
Oh...you're going to sing?
GERARD
Certainly not! Chez Snobbe is famous for its singing waiters!
BARNEY
It is? Uh we are?
MAITRE D' Is there a problem here?
BARNEY
No, not really...
GERARD
My wife would like to hear a song from your singing waiters and strolling violin player- is that too much to ask?
MAITRE D'
Of course not! I will send them to your table immediately.
The Maitre D' sweeps away.
BARNEY
Well, I'm glad that's all taken care of. Now if you'll just pardon me...
The Maitre D' returns with the 3 kids in tow. He carries a VIOLIN and BOW under his arm. The kids shoot desperate looks at Barney.
BARNEY
Then again, maybe I'll stay.
MAITRE D'
And here we are! The Chez Snobbe singing waiters and...
He hands Abby the violin- and lifts a threatening eyebrow.
MAITRE D' ...Violin player.
BARNEY (To Cassandra) And you wanted to hear...?
CASSANDRA
A love song.
98.
Of course. (To kids) A love song.
BARNEY
KIDS (Unison)
GULP.
Abby lifts the violin to her chin, making a great show of adjusting her head and hands stalling, in fact.
CODY (Whispers to Barney)
She's only had 3 violin lessons...!
Abby plays a few squeaky notes of "Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star". She notices that people are looking at her curiously.
ABBY
Just making sure the violin works...
BARNEY
Oh, I imagine it will sound just fine!
As Barney says "imagine", he briefly lays a reassuring hand on Abby's shoulder. There is a quick play of (VFX: MAGICAL SPARKLES) dance across the violin. Abby once again prepares to play...but now, smooth beautiful notes come out! She has become a virtuoso, and plays a jaw dropping flourish!
(SONG: "LOVE THEME" / ORIGINAL APPROX 2:00)
In this song, which amounts to a parody of the schmaltzy songs inserted in many children's films, the kids struggle to ad lib some sort of a love song, without having much of a clue what romantic love is about. Indeed, at their age, they tend to think of "love stuff" as borderline gross...so their lyrics and sentiments will be highly skewed. For example, they might describe a kiss as being as nice as being licked by a dog. Or that when they hold hands, they don't even worry about getting cooties.
During the song, Gerard will look pained and aghast, Cassandra, feeling romantic, simply drinks it up. Other diners and the Maitre D' may stop what they're doing to listen...but don't interrupt.
As the song ends, Cassandra is the first to start applauding.
99.
CASSANDRA
That was just beautiful! I'm goose bumps all over.
The other restaurant patrons and wait staff also applaud. Barney and the kids take dramatic bows. Gerard sips his milk petulantly as the Maitre D' places a piece of paper on the table...
MAITRE D'
Your bill for the meal...
AND a second piece of paper...
MAITRE D'
...And your bill for the song.
Gerard does a spit-take at the amount. Meanwhile, a WAITER is pushing a CART with DOMED TRAY into the kitchen.
WAITER
Man...they just don't write songs like that anymore.
He pushes the cart in through the KITCHEN DOOR.
INT. CHEZ SNOBBE KITCHEN DAY
The Chez Snobbe Kitchen is in marked contrast to the dining area: it looks more like a "Greasy Spoon" diner. COOKIE the cook is a pot bellied man in an undershirt and apron, chewing a CIGAR BUTT, as he stirs a BOILING POT. There is much activity and noise.
WAITER
Hey, Cookie what should I do with this tray?
COOKIE
Just empty it out.
The waiter lifts the dome's lid and sees the EGG atop the lettuce.
WAITER
Hey...what's this? (a beat)
Cookie take a look at this!
COOKIE
What, you've never seen leftovers before?
100.
WAITER
Not like this...
Cookie walks over with some annoyance. He gives the slightest double-take as he sees the egg, then lifts it for better examination a slobby Hamlet examining Yorick's skull.
COOKIE
That...is the "Chef's Surprise".
WAITER
It is?
COOKIE Yep. Cause I'm the Chef...and I'm surprised.
WAITER Yeah, but what is it really?
COOKIE (Dismissive) If nobody ate it...it's garbage.
Cookie drops the egg into a METAL GARBAGE CAN, where it falls softly on top of NON DISGUSTING RESTAURANT GARBAGE. But as the egg sits there, it undergoes an unnoticed (VFX/SFX: COLORED RING CHANGE)...just before a GARBAGE CAN LID is clamped over it.
INT. CHEZ SNOBBE DINING ROOM - DAY
Barney and the kids continue peeking under DOMED TRAYS.
CODY 'Scuze me... MARCELLA
May I?
ABBY Just a peek...
BARNEY (Intrigued) Hmm! Lamb chops!
Barney and the kids converge near the kitchen.
ABBY I couldn't find it!
101.
MARCELLA
Neither could I!
CODY
But we've checked every tray out here!
Suddenly, the WAITER comes pushing his CART with DOMED TRAY out of the kitchen. All eyes open wide. Barney halts him.
BARNEY
Pardon me...just checking.
Barney lifts the lid the kids look on in high hopes. But they only see a HUMOROUSLY EXOTIC FOOD CREATION.
WAITER Looks good, huh?
BARNEY
Well, I was really looking for something more like...oh...a big egg with colored rings on it?
WAITER
Oh the Chef's Surprise.
The lid is returned to the tray.
CODY
You've seen it?
WAITER
I just threw it out!
MARCELLA
Where?
The waiter points towards the kitchen door.
WAITER
It's in a garbage can out in the back alley.
ABBY
Let's go!
INT. CHEZ SNOBBE KITCHEN DAY
Barney and the kids go running through the kitchen as Cookie looks on from a CLOUD OF CIGAR SMOKE, surprised but eternally grumpy.
102.
BARNEY & KIDS WHOAaaaaaaa!!!!
Barney and the kids disappear out the ALLEY DOOR. Cookie flicks CIGAR ASHES into his bubbling stew pot.
COOKIE Must be break time.
EXT. GARBAGE CAN ALLEY DAY
Barney and the kids come bursting out the back door, tossing off their UNIFORMS and rubbing off MOUSTACHES.
BARNEY
Okay, where's the garbage can? Oh, it's right...
ALL ...there!
They point in four different directions!
BARNEY UH ohhh....
Both sides of the alley are lined with DOZENS OF IDENTICAL GARBAGE CANS. At one end of the alley, there is a pile of LARGE EMPTY CARDBOARD BOXES, beyond which the parade crowd is visible/audible.
CODY
There must be a hundred garbage cans!
MARCELLA
Come on let's start looking!
Abby lifts the lid from a GARBAGE CAN, and immediately winces at the bad smell. There is a PARTIAL FISH (head, skeleton & tail) near the top of the NOT-TOO DISGUSTING TRASH.
ABBY
Peeeee yew! A fish!
Marcella crinkles her nose as she holds a GARBAGE CAN LID.
MARCELLA Ooh! Stinky cheese!
103.
Thus begins a MONTAGE with GARBAGE CAN LIDS clinking and clanking (percussion to music track?) as Barney and the kids explore. Each time, there are different funny-face reactions to evil smells: nose pinching, holding breath, even curiosity trying to figure out what something is...or was.
As Cody investigates a GARBAGE CAN, a tiny RATSY-LOOKING STRAY DOG hops up and down behind him, yap-yapping annoyingly.
CODY
Hey, go away! Go on shoo! Get your own garbage can!
The dog gives Cody a quizzical look- then trots over to a GARBAGE CAN close to the end of the alley (Parade side). The dog jumps up and pulls the garbage can over with a resounding (SFX: CRASH!), which gets a startled reaction from our group.
ALL
Huh? CODY
Oh it's just that little dog. The dog disappears into the mouth of the garbage can.
ABBY AWwww...
MARCELLA
I guess he's looking for a snack.
BARNEY
But that's not what he found! Look! The dog noses the EGG out of the garbage can!
CODY
The egg!
ALL Here boy! Here! (whistle)
The little dog gives a couple of (SFX: YAPS), then uses his nose to quickly roll the egg out of the alley and towards the parade route! He disappears around the corner!
EXT. SIDEWALK / ALLEY ENTRANCE - DAY
Barney and the kids tumble out of the alley.
104.
MARCELLA
There he goes!
The dog gives the egg another push with his snout, and it rolls onto a TANGLE OF STRINGS laying on the sidewalk near someone's feet. The dog turns to yap at Barney and the kids.
BALLOON SALESMAN
What's the problem little fella?
The tangle of strings leads to a LARGE BUNDLE OF HELIUM BALLOONS being held by a BALLOON SALESMAN, who extends a friendly hand toward the little mutt. But the feisty fido turns on him, and starts chewing on the man's pant leg!
BALLOON SALESMAN
Hey! What are you doing? Watch it!
In the confusion, the salesman lets go of the balloons! As they rise, the STRINGS on the sidewalk roll up around the sides of the egg...and balloons and egg go rapidly floating into the sky.
BALLOON SALESMAN
My balloons!
CODY
My egg! BARNEY
My goodness!
The balloons rapidly recede into the sky. MARCELLA
I guess we'll never get it back now...
Cody squares his jaw. He's reached a turning point.
CODY
Yes we will! It's just going to take imagination right Barney?
Cody dashes to the alley. Barney and the girls follow, confused. BARNEY
Oh! Right!
EXT. GARBAGE CAN ALLEY - DAY
Cody feverishly pushes EMPTY CARDBOARD BOXES together.
105.
CODY
We're going to need some tape or something...
Marcella reaches into her BELT POUCH and finds COLORFUL STICKERS.
MARCELLA
I've got some stickers- will they work?
CODY
They'll have to...
MONTAGE of close ups as Cody uses the STICKERS to tape box edges together. At one point, Cody grabs a clean-looking TOILET PLUNGER from a garbage can to use. The others are baffled.
BARNEY
I wonder what he's doing?
Finally, Cody stands back to survey his handiwork.
CODY (Breathless) Okay...that's it!
ABBY That's what?
CODY
Just look, Abby- it's an airplane!
Cody's creation is vaguely shaped like an aircraft. There is a LARGE BOX at the rear which also contains a PLUMBER'S HELPER "CONTROL STICK", TWO MEDIUM SIZED BOXES with STUBBY WINGS in the center, and ONE SMALLER BOX in front. The entire thing is held together with patchwork pieces of cardboard, and lots of COLORFUL STICKERS. The aircraft is pointed away from the parade route.
MARCELLA
You know it does look a little like an airplane...!
CODY Sure it does!
BARNEY
It's got wings and everything!
106.
ABBY
Shouldn't an airplane have a tail?
CODY
I already thought of that! Cody gives Barney a slightly smug look.
EXT. GARBAGE CAN ALLEY DAY
(MUSIC: Dramatic military) CUT to a shot of the end of BARNEY'S TAIL, then follow it to reveal that his tail extends from a ROUND HOLE in the REAR BOX, where Barney is sitting. Barney wears OLD FASHIONED AVIATOR GOGGLES AND SCARF, and has his hand on the "control stick". The kids are also seated in "takeoff" positions in the airplane; Cody and Marcella are side-by side in the center/winged boxes, and Abby sits in front.
BARNEY
Pilot to co pilots! Is everyone ready!
CODY Ready!
MARCELLA Ready!
ABBY Ready! BARNEY
Then prepare for takeoff...and use your imaginations!
The kids scrunch their faces, summoning all the imagination they can. (VFX: MAGICAL SPARKLES) begin to dance around the airplane.
BARNEY
You're doing it...!
The airplane begins to scoot forward (SFX: DRAGGING CARDBOARD) and pick up speed. The distant alley exit grows closer. The kids open their eyes, but continue to "use imagination"
BARNEY
That's it!
The walls of the alley are racing by! The box is starting to bounce/skip a few inches into the air. Suddenly, a HUGE GARBAGE TRUCK pulls into the end of the alley! (SFX: WARNING BEEPS)
107.
ABBY Look!
CODY
Don't stop! We can do this!
MARCELLA (Chanting) Imagination...imagination...
Barney turns to camera and speaks urgently to the audience.
BARNEY
Uh oh! We need all of YOU to use your imaginations too! Get ready One...Two...Three...NOW!
As Barney says "now!", there is a renewed (VFX: BURST OF SPRINKLES) and the box airplane shoots forward like a rocket sled! At the last possible moment, it arcs up over the garbage truck- and bursts out into the light! (MUSIC: Triumphant)
ALL WHOAaaaaa!!!
EXT. VFX FLYING SEQUENCE - DAY
The airplane shoots around trees and buildings.
CODY Yes! OTHERS (Cheering)
They do a quick swooping pass over the parade route, causing ONLOOKERS below to register surprise, then burst into applause.
EXT. REVIEWING STAND DAY
After the fly by, the dignitaries are also applauding. The Mayor speaks into the microphone while pointing skyward.
MAYOR (LOUDSPEAKER)
Now that's the kind of exciting, space age technology we can all be proud of!
The Mayor steps back from the mic, still working the crowd.
108.
ASSISTANT
Yes sir, Mr. Mayor! (a beat) But...what was it?
MAYOR (Smiling, waving)
I still have no idea.
EXT. VFX FLYING SEQUENCE - DAY
Barney and the exhilarated kids fly over town. The wind buffets the craft and blows their hair. They have to speak up to be heard.
MARCELLA
I don't see the balloons- or the egg!
CODY
They're probably pretty high by now!
ABBY
Then let's head for the sky!
BARNEY
We're on our way!
The aircraft goes soaring upward as a song begins.
(SONG: "FLYING SONG" ORIGINAL APPROX 2:00)
This should be an exciting, exultant song about being in flight.
Over the course of this song, Barney and the kids fly amongst PUFFY WHITE CLOUDS as they MAKE LONG SPIRALS UPWARD in search of the balloons & egg. At some point, Marcella takes a JAR OF BUBBLE SOLUTION from her belt pouch, and makes a trail of bubbles through the sky (by holding the BUBBLE WAND into the breeze).
The cardboard plane should do AEROBATICS, and possibly interact humorously with CLOUDS SHAPED LIKE ANIMALS (or other things).
During an instrumental passage in the song, Barney and the kids actually fly alongside a COMMERCIAL JETLINER.
109.
INT. JET'S PASSENGER COMPARTMENT DAY
Mildred Goldfinch, looking resolute, glances out her WINDOW and sees Barney and the kids waving from the CARDBOARD AIRPLANE.
GOLDFINCH
Jumpin' Jaybirds!
She waves in a slight daze, then turns away and rubs her eyes. A different FLIGHT ATTENDANT holds a TRAY of PACKAGED PEANUTS.
ATTENDANT #2 Nuts?
GOLDFINCH
I'm starting to think so.
EXT. VFX FLYING SEQUENCE DAY
Barney and the kids finish singing their song while soaring through the air. Merrivale can be seen far, far below. Above, a cluster of balloons comes into view.
ABBY
I see the balloons!
BARNEY
Hold on, everybody! We're almost there!
CUT to the EGG suspended from the BALLOON STRINGS, as the BOX AIRPLANE approaches. Suddenly, the second to last (VFX: COLORED RING CHANGE) occurs...
CODY
Look at the egg!
MARCELLA
It's changing again!
The last little "energy burst" causes the strings to part! The egg drops, moments before Barney and the kids come zooming past!
The egg plummets downwards towards the center of Merrivale's Town Square. The Cardboard Box Airplane pulls to a stop in mid air!
BARNEY
Pilot to co-pilots! We are cleared for landing! Hang on!
110.
Barney puts the plane into a power dive! It's a race between the egg and the airplane...and the ground is coming up awfully fast.
CODY
Go, Barney, go!
EXT. REVIEWING STAND - DAY
On the ground, the parade has ended, and the PARADE WATCHERS and PERFORMERS listen to the Mayor speak from the Reviewing Stand. In the background is a faintly heard (SFX: FALLING BOMB WHISTLE).
MAYOR (LOUDSPEAKER)
And so, as the highlight of this wonderful Founder's Day celebration, it gives me great pleasure to dedicate...(continues)
He sweeps a hand in the direction of the park behind him.
MAYOR (LOUDSPEAKER) (Continuing) ...Merrivale's beautiful new fountain! Turn it on, boys!
Suddenly, a HUGE JET OF WATER erupts in the center of a LARGE ROUND REFLECTING POOL from a FLAT-TOPPED ORNAMENTAL PEDESTAL. DOZENS OF SMALLER FOUNTAIN JETS around the periphery of the reflecting pool spray arcs towards the central pedestal.
The egg and airplane plummet straight for the fountain!
With a significant (SFX: SPLASH) the egg falls into the central spray of water- the impact is absorbed and the egg is held aloft!
It's too late for the plane to pull up.
ABBY Uh oh...bath time!
The cardboard box airplane belly flops into the reflecting pool, creating a tremendous (VFX/SFX: SPLASH!)
EXT. REVIEWING STAND - DAY
The dignitaries on the reviewing stand are SPLASHED by the landing. The Mayor inadvertently speaks into the microphone.
MAYOR (LOUDSPEAKER)
Awwww...I'm all wet!
The crowd cheers and applauds this "honesty in government".
EXT. MERRIVALE FOUNTAIN - DAY
Barney and the kids, no worse for wear, stand in the fountain. BATTERED & SOAKED CARDBOARD BOXES drift around.
MARCELLA
Next time we go flying, remind me to imagine I've got a parachute!
BARNEY
Or maybe some wheels!
Abby points at the egg, bobbing high above them in the fountain.
ABBY
Well, there's the egg...But I don't think our airplane works anymore.
CODY
I've got one more idea...but we're going to need a lot of help...
EXT. REVIEWING STAND DAY
The still-dripping Mayor is trying to regain some sort of dignity.
MAYOR (LOUDSPEAKER)
Well, I'm glad that the new fountain has made such a "splash" with everyone. Now, as I was saying, every man and woman in Merrivale has had a hand in this fountain...(interrupted)
BARNEY
Uh...excuse me!
Barney has climbed onto the reviewing stand. There is considerable confusion as he ambles to the microphone and addresses the crowd.
BARNEY (LOUDSPEAKER)
I think every child in Merrivale should have a hand in the fountain, too! Follow me, kids we need your help!
A CHEER goes up from HAPPY KIDS in the crowd. They all break ranks to follow Barney back to the fountain. ADULTS, intrigued, also follow. The Mayor and dignitaries, baffled, trail behind.
EXT. MERRIVALE FOUNTAIN DAY
Barney arrives back at the fountain a jolly pied piper with a huge group of kids. Abby and Marcella stand just outside the fountain. Cody stands beside Barney.
CODY
I sure hope this works...
BARNEY
So do I. But one thing's for sureyour idea has a lot of imagination!
Barney addresses the throng of kids.
BARNEY
Boys and girls, we'd like you to find a spray of water somewhere around the fountain...then cover it like this!
Barney points to Abby and Marcella, who stick their hands over two of the SMALL SPRAYS OF WATER (with much fun splashing and laughter), and push down until the sprays are completely covered.
BARNEY
Look like fun?
Yeah!!!
CROWD OF KIDS
BARNEY
Ohhhhh kay! Get ready!
(a beat) Get set! (a beat) Get wet!
113.
There is a happy dash for the fountain. MONTAGE of shots as kids laughingly try to subdue every SMALL SPRAY on the periphery of the fountain. As more and more of the peripheral sprays are "capped", the CENTRAL FOUNTAIN squirts higher and higher (from the increased pressure) with the EGG balanced on top. When only the CENTRAL FOUNTAIN remains, Cody says...
CODY
It's your turn now Barney.
BARNEY
I'm on my way!
Barney backs up a long distance from the fountain. He looks like a golfer lining up a long putt. He waggles his tail back and forth a bit, then starts jogging in place. He begins breathing in quick puffs. He continues to build up jogging speed, until his legs and feet are almost a blur! (SFX: REVVING WHINE OF JET ENGINE)
BARNEY
Ready or not...here I come!
Like a rocket, Barney dashes straight for the fountain! He bends deeply and SPROINGS high into the air over the heads of the kids!
BARNEY
Whoa ho HO!
Barney's huge jump lands him (seat first) atop the CENTRAL SPRAY of water- and the spray is instantly capped as he plops down on the FLAT TOPPED PEDESTAL. CUT to the EGG, just as the supporting column of water disappears. The egg hangs in empty space for a beat, then drops...directly into Barney's waiting hands!
BARNEY
Well, that wasn't so hard!
(a beat)
Uh-ohh...
Barney is reacting to a (SFX: RUMBLING SOUND). Suddenly, Barney goes rocketing upwards atop a POWERFUL STREAM OF WATER.
BARNEY
Whoaaaa! Ooops!
Carried by the upward momentum, the egg goes flying out of Barney's hands! It arcs up and away from the fountain.
BARNEY
Cody! Catch the egg!
114.
Oh, no...!
CODY
Cody runs while looking upward. The egg is soaring high and fast. He runs hard, jumping over BUSHES as he goes. He reaches far ahead of him as the egg comes whistling down.
ABBY
Please don't be a butterfingers, Cody!
Cody makes a final desperate leap forward and skids on his shirtfront across GRASS with arms extended...and catches the egg, inches above the cement sidewalk!
CODY (Can't believe it)
I got it...! I GOT IT!
A huge cheer goes up from everyone in town at the same moment 100 STREAMS OF WATER burst upwards (as kids lift their hands to applaud). Barney bounces humorously aloft on the stream of water.
BARNEY Super-deeee-DUPER!!!
Cody holds the egg up, victoriously. His SHIRT is GRASS-STAINED. Marcella and Abby hug and dance with delight. Kids are splashing and laughing in the fountain. Adults don't understand this, but also cheer and applaud. Happy chaos reigns in the town square.
INT. ATTIC SUNSET
BJ looks out the open ATTIC WINDOW at SUNSET. He doesn't notice the sound of (SFX: SQUEAKY WHEELS)
BJ
I wonder where everyone is?
BABY BOP
Look, BJ!
BJ turns- and is shocked to see a MOOSE charging straight at him!
BJ AHhh!
BABY BOP
I'm giving Moose Baby a ride!
115.
BJ shakes his head, examing the MOOSE HEAD in Bop's baby carriage.
BJ (Quiet suffering)
Ai yi yi...
He glances out the window then reacts to a surprising sight.
BJ
Hey, here come Barney and the kids!
EXT. BARNYARD - SUNSET
Barney and the kids are happily heading for the barn. Agnes the horse trots behind, then stops. The kids are appropriately RUMPLED and Cody's SHIRT is GRASS STAINED. Cody carries the egg.
BARNEY
Here we are- home sweet home!
CODY
And I'm taking this egg straight to the barn, where I can watch it!
The party walks into the barn without Agnes. The barn doors are open just enough to accomodate everyone.
INT. BARN - SUNSET
As they enter the barn, Abby picks up a CARDBOARD BOX.
ABBY
Here's another box we can build a nest in!
Cody is about to speak, but Marcella cuts him off.
MARCELLA
And this time it's not an "egg" box.
Cody smiles. Abby puts the box on the floor, and Marcella puts some HAY inside. BJ and Baby Bop enter the barn. Bop is pushing her baby carriage (SFX: SQUEAKS).
BJ
Hi, everybody, I...
He notices the disheveled garments.
BJ Whoa- nice clothes!
BARNEY
Hi, BJ! Hello, Baby Bop!
BABY BOP
Hullo. (To kids) Can I give the egg a ride?
Baby Bop goes unanswered as Cody kneels and lowers the egg into the box. Cody then sits down tiredly near the box.
CODY There. I'm glad that's over!
BABY BOP I wanna give the egg a ride!
BARNEY Maybe later, Baby Bop.
BABY BOP
Okay.
Baby Bop happily wheels her baby carriage towards the OPEN BACK DOOR of the barn. The group is distracted by (SFX: BARKS) as Ralph the dog comes happily through the barn doors. Abby rubs his head.
ABBY
Hi, Ralph! Aw didn't anybody play with you, today?
BJ
Sure we did! Up in the attic, I even taught him to play fetch!
MARCELLA
You did?
BJ holds his RED HAT. BJ Sure- watch this! BJ gives his hat a toss.
BJ Okay, boy- fetch!
117.
Ralph grabs the hat, then bolts out the barn door away from BJ.
OTHERS
(Laugh)
Marcella starts to speak, but BJ cuts her off.
BJ
I know..."boy brains"!
BJ runs after Ralph. Barney happily follows.
BJ
Hey, come back Ralph! Here boy!
BARNEY
I'll help catch him! (Chuckles)
EXT. BARN DUSK
The kids, still laughing, hurry to the barn doors and step outside in time to see Barney and BJ running around the corner of the house. It is getting dark, and LIGHTS are visible in the farmhouse.
ABBY
Oh! We'd better get cleaned up for supper...
MARCELLA
Yeah we are pretty messy!
CODY
You go on I'm not letting that egg out of my sight.
MARCELLA
Good idea!
The girls go happily towards the house.
ABBY
We'll bring you a piece of pie or something...
CODY
Thanks.
118.
INT. BARN DUSK
Cody glances to be sure the box is still there (several yards away). He smiles, then picks up the WATER BUCKET and inverts it to use as a stool. He leans tiredly against the wall of the barn, just looking at the box. He has a tired smile of accomplishment.
ABBY
Uh...Cody?
Surprised, Cody looks to see the girls standing just inside the barn doors. He doesn't notice that they look a little queasy.
CODY
Oh- hi, Ab. Did you bring me that pie?
MARCELLA
No...we brought something else.
The barn door opens wider, to reveal MOM and DAD.
CODY (Delighted) Mom! Dad! You're back early!
Mom quickly gives Cody a hug.
Oh, you...
MOM
Cody is enjoying this...but when Mom pulls back, she has the look of a worried parent, now awash in relief...and annoyance.
MOM ...how could you do this, Cody? Why did you run away from the farm?
DAD
You gave us all quite a scare, son.
CODY Wha...? We didn't run away!
Grandma and Grandpa enter the barn. Grandma carries Fig, who still wears his "Diaper Suit".
GRANDPA (Jocular)
Okay, where's the ringleader of this band of outlaws? Oh- there he is!
GRANDMA
When you children didn't turn up, we called your parents right away!
MOM
Cody, I know you were unhappy...but running away is never the right thing to do.
Cody does his best to respond- but grows increasing emotional.
CODY
But we didn't run away! See, Marcella's toy dinosaur...
GRANDPA ...Barney...
CODY
He got really big! And alive!
The adults exchange puzzled glances. The words pour from Cody.
CODY
And then we found this big egg under the bucket and it's got colored rings that light up, and Miss Goldfinch...
ABBY
...the bird lady...
CODY
...She said it was something new and important! But the egg man took it to town and Barney...
MOM ...the dinosaur?...
CODY
He helped us go after it, and we got caught in a parade and the elephant sneezed and...uh...we all had moustaches and worked in a restaurant and we went flying in a cardboard box and...and...
Cody is frustrated and exhausted.
120.
CODY
...oh, I don't know. I don't know why I'm telling you all this. (Beaten) Even I wouldn't believe it.
Dad puts a gentle hand on Cody's shoulder.
DAD
That's okay, Cody... (a beat) We believe in you...
(MUSIC: MAGICAL 3-NOTE "I LOVE YOU" REFERENCE)
Cody looks at his parents, newly aware of their love and support. Cody then hears (SFX: GALLOPING HORSE APPROACH) and smiles.
CODY
That's good- 'cause there's someone I really want you to meet...
BARNEY
Hi yo, Agnes!
Suddenly, Barney bursts into the barn atop Agnes the horse! He wears RHINESTONE-STUDDED COWBOY REGALIA and waves a COWBOY HAT in the air. The horse rears majestically.
BARNEY Ho ho! Hi, everybody!
KIDS Barney!
As the horse settles, the adults go into shock. Grandma looks woozy and hands off Fig to Mom, just before she sits down hard atop Grandpa's SQUEEZE HORN on a bale of hay (SFX: HONK). Mom and Dad exchange stunned looks. Cody is on his feet, next to Grandpa.
GRANDPA
Well, I'll be a... (Delighted) There really is a dinosaur!
CODY Yes, sir!
GRANDPA
And...there are more dinosaurs?
121.
As Barney and Agnes ride further into the barn, BJ (wearing his HAT again) is pulled through the scene on the ROPE/WAGON apparatus. He answers Grandpa's question in passing.
BJ
Yeah! Cool, huh? Whoaaaa...
As the dinos disappear from view, the adults are edging towards laughter. Grandpa closes the barn doors. Mom hugs the two girls.
MOM
So you really didn't run away! You were all chasing...an egg?
Mildred Goldfinch enters the barn, bursting with energy. It is DARKER outside.
GOLDFINCH
That's right! And you've never seen anything like it! (Distracted)
Oh Hi, Barney.
Barney returns, no longer wearing the cowboy outfit.
BARNEY
Hello, Miss Goldfinch. Have a nice flight?
GOLDFINCH
Pretty good, thanks- and your flight?
BARNEY
Lots of fun, but the landing was a little rough.
KIDS
(ad lib agreement)
Dad, trying to make sense of it all, interrupts the pleasantries.
DAD
Now hold it this is all about an egg? Where is it?
CODY
It's right in that box!
122.
GOLDFINCH
Thank goodness! Cause when that egg hatches, we're all going to be famous!
BJ, in the BARN LOFT with BLOCK & TACKLE in hand, has heard this.
BJ Famous? Yah-hoooooo!!
He swings across the loft, and again bumps a LARGE BALE OF HAY with his feet. As the stunned group watches, the hay bale falls on top of the cardboard box, and SCRUNCHES it flat (SFX: THUD!)
Seeing his error, BJ faints backwards out of view.
BJ OHhhhh....
Stunned, everyone is slow to notice (SFX: SQUEAKY WHEELS)...
BABY BOP (VO) (Tuneless sing-song) La-la-la-la-la...
Baby Bop comes through the barn doors, pushing her baby carriage.
BABY BOP La-la-la...Oh! Hello! (Giggles)
I did it! (a beat) I gave the Egg Baby a ride! See?
She lifts her blankey...to reveal the egg, safe and sound. The group's shock begins to turn to happiness.
CODY
You...gave the egg a ride?
BABY BOP
I took it out of that box and... (Sensing trouble) OHhhh. Did I do a bad thing?
BARNEY
Oh, no, Baby Bop. You did a very, very GOOD thing!
Happy pandemonium ensues, as all gather to see the egg.
123.
ALL (ad-lib cheers and laughter)
BJ is on his feet again in the loft. He punches a happy fist victoriously in the air.
BJ
Yes! Unexpectedly, the egg wiggles a bit- then stands upright!
ABBY
Hey- look at the egg!
As everyone watches, they see the (VFX: FINAL RING CHANGING COLOR), as the other rings (VFX: GLOW BRIGHTLY).
MARCELLA
The last ring is changing color..!
GOLDFINCH
Hold onto your hats, everybody. Here comes the exciting part..!
The egg, still wiggling a bit, begins to CRACK a few inches from the top. A TINY PIECE OR TWO is PECKED OUT FROM INSIDE. (SFX: CRACKING SOUNDS). Soon, a rough CRACK rings the top of the egg. There is a moment of silence, then the HEAD of the BABY BIRD pokes up- wearing the top of the SHELL like a hat.
BABY BIRD (Sweet/funny)
Chirp?
The bird's voice is musical/magical not earthly.
ALL (ad-lib oohs & ahhs)
Miss Goldfinch shakes Cody's hand, as if he were the "proud pop".
GOLDFINCH
Congratulations, Cody- It's a bird! (a beat)
Or at least I think it is...
The Baby Bird is now completely OUT OF EGG. It is obviously not of an earthly species, but it is still CUTE & FUNNY LOOKING. It has LARGE EYES, a small JEWEL-LIKE CRYSTAL on it's forehead, and DARK FEATHERS over which IRIDESCENT COLORS are reflected. It looks a bit RUFFLED (being freshly hatched) but very LOVABLE.
124.
Barney carefully picks the bird up, and holds it for the children to see more clearly. The others stand back a bit.
BARNEY (Soft and gentle) Here you go, little fella. That's right...I'd like you to meet some very special friends of yours.
ABBY Hi, Baby Bird! Hi!
MARCELLA
It's so cute.
Cody reaches tentatively to touch the bird's head. It responds with pleasure...cozying up to his touch like a kitten.
CODY
Does that feel good? Huh?
BABY BIRD ("Satisfied" chirps)
BARNEY
I think the baby likes you, Cody!
MARCELLA
Y'know, we went to a lot of trouble for you...
ABBY Yeah. But we sure had fun!
BABY BIRD ("Questioning" chirps)
BARNEY
Do you want to get down? Okay...
Barney lowers the bird to the ground, where it begins to hop around...exploring. In the background, Grandma is suddenly struck by a puzzling thought.
GRANDMA
Wait a minute. If Miss Goldfinch was flying in a plane today...who took my pies?
We did!
125.
GRANDMA
Oh! (Disappointed)
Well...I guess I didn't really need to win some old ribbon.
BABY BOP
But you did win!
BJ
Yeah! You make the best pies in the whole world!
Baby Bop hands Grandma a PINK RIBBON with childlike WRITING which says "BEST PIES".
BABY BOP We made this for you!
BJ
We used a piece of Sissy's hair ribbon.
Grandma notices that one side of Baby Bop's hair bow has been cut short. Charmed, she attaches the hand made "award" to her apron.
GRANDMA
Thank you both, very much.
She gives them each a Grandmotherly kiss.
BABY BOP (Giggles) You're welcome!
BJ
AWwwww....shucks.
Miss Goldfinch watches the hopping baby bird.
GOLDFINCH
Well, this is one for the books, huh?
(Pulls Field Guide from pocket) Hey, what am I saying? I'm one for the book...and right on the cover...if I just get a picture!
She takes aim with her flash camera.
GOLDFINCH Say CHICK a dees!
126.
The camera flashes (SFX: FOOF!) causing a strange reaction in the Baby Bird. It immediately turns to look quizzically at the camera, and hops forward, trying to get near.
BABY BIRD ("Urgent" chirps) (a beat) ("Puzzled" chirp)
The little bird seems confused...and somewhat distressed.
ABBY What's the matter, baby?
CODY Something's wrong...
GRANDPA
I think it was the camera.
Miss Goldfinch, puzzled, aims again and shoots. (SFX: FOOF!) Again, the tiny bird hops towards her camera, wanting something.
BABY BIRD ("Questioning" chirps) (a beat) ("Sad" chirps)
GOLDFINCH
There's something about this camera that it wants... (a beat) I just don't know what.
The baby bird hops to the closed barn doors, as if wanting out.
BABY BIRD ("Questioning" chirps)
BARNEY
Ohhh. I think I know...
EXT. BARN & BARNYARD - NIGHT
Barney opens the barn doors. The baby bird looks up to see a STARRY SKY and FULL MOON. A few puffy CLOUDS float about. The little bird cranes its neck and sings to the heavens...
127.
BABY BIRD
Fwee-FWEEEEEEeeeeet! Fwee-FWEEEEEEeeeeet! (continues)
The baby bird's song is PLAINTIVE and BEAUTIFUL- simple, ethereal notes which seem to echo out into space.
CODY
I don't understand, Barney.
BARNEY
You will...
The baby bird continues to sing. Suddenly, a (VFX: BEAUTIFUL STREAK OF LIGHT) becomes visible in the night sky!
ABBY Look there!
OTHERS (ad lib interest & surprise)
BJ Al-riiiight!
BABY BOP
It's pretty!
GRANDPA
It's some kind of shooting star!
But the STREAK OF LIGHT doesn't act like a shooting star- it curves, and turns around to head straight towards the farm. As it punches through CLOUDS, they are ILLUMINATED FROM WITHIN...
CODY
No...it's my "wishing star"! (To Barney) Or something a lot like it... Barney gives Cody a small nod of acknowledgment.
GRANDMA
Oh my goodness- it's coming right for us!
MARCELLA
(Intuitive)
No. It's not coming for us...
128.
The barnyard scene is illuminated by RADIANT COLORED LIGHT as the object SLOWS TO ARRIVE. There is a shape within the light. Little Fig smiles brightly, and points.
FIG
Mom my! (Giggles)
It is a BEAUTIFUL MOTHER BIRD, flying in for a landing. She is majestic, rather like an other-worldly eagle. The trailing edges of her wings (VFX: RADIATE LIGHT) and she is bathed in a glow as she flies. On her forehead, a JEWEL LIKE CRYSTAL GLOWS. As she comes in for a landing, she is flapping above the group.
MOTHER BIRD (Eagle vocalization- majestic)
GOLDFINCH
Of course...!
The Mother Bird gracefully lands. She is large over 6 feet in height. As she tucks her wings under, the BEAMS OF LIGHT are cut off, though she continues to GLOW. She cocks her head quizzically at the group.
BABY BIRD ("Questioning" chirp)
MOTHER BIRD ("Strong but maternal" eagle vocalization)
Baby Bird isn't quite sure what to do. It hops a few steps toward the Mother Bird, then looks back at Barney and the kids.
KIDS (ad lib gentle encouragement)
It looks back toward the Mother Bird...very uncertain.
BABY BIRD ("Puzzled" chirp)
The Mother Bird slowly leans forward, lowering its head. The CRYSTAL'S GLOW seems to increase slightly. Then...(SFX: FOOF!) A bright (VFX: FLASH OF LIGHT) bursts from the crystal exactly like the flash from Goldfinch's camera. (Note: The flash is beautiful- not "blinding")
BABY BIRD ("Happy recognition" chirps)
129.
The Baby Bird rushes to its Mother. The two nuzzle in happy recognition. The Baby Bird's CRYSTAL gives a little (VFX/SFX: PIFF!) of light, and Mother Bird returns a nice (VFX/SFX: FOOF!).
Meanwhile, all other cast members are cheering, hugging, and a bit misty-eyed. Miss Goldfinch takes a picture of the birds.
GOLDFINCH
I don't need a flash for this picture they've got their own!
Baby Bird, more confident now, hops back towards Barney and the kids, "calling" Mother Bird over for introductions.
BABY BIRD ("Happy" chirps)
Mother Bird approaches with great dignity, and examines the group. The kids are shy in her regal presence.
MOTHER BIRD ("Strong but warm" vocalization)
She bows her head to the group.
CODY What's she doing? BARNEY
I think she's saying "thank you".
Baby Bop watches happily from the sidelines with her brother.
BABY BOP You're s'posed to say "thank you".
The birds nuzzle each other lovingly.
GOLDFINCH (Choked up)
Sort of makes me feel like giving someone a hug. Aw, what the heck c'mere ya big lug!
Miss Goldfinch unexpectedly gives Barney a big hug.
BARNEY (Chuckles shyly) AWwww....
GRANDPA
Well, one thing about hugs...is hugs won't wait.
He gives Grandma a squeeze.
BARNEY
Tha a at's right! You should never wait to tell someone you love them...
(SONG: "I LOVE YOU" APPROX 1:30 - NEW ARRANGEMENT)
The various family members are all together. Barney serenades them as they exchange little hugs.
BARNEY
I LOVE YOU, YOU LOVE ME, WE'RE A HAPPY FAMILY, WITH A GREAT BIG HUG AND A KISS FROM ME TO YOU, WON'T YOU SAY YOU LOVE ME TOO.
Now, the kids step out from the adults just a bit, to share a special moment with Barney.
BARNEY & KIDS
I LOVE YOU, YOU LOVE ME WE'RE BEST FRIENDS LIKE FRIENDS SHOULD BE, WITH A GREAT BIG HUG AND A KISS FROM ME TO YOU, WON'T YOU SAY YOU LOVE ME TOO. (Music note: NOT full closure yet!)
As SYMPHONIC INSTRUMENTAL continues under, Mother Bird suddenly opens her wings, scattering dramatic (VFX: STREAMS OF LIGHT). She looks encouragingly at her Baby.
MOTHER BIRD ("Encouraging" vocalization)
BABY BIRD ("I can?" chirp)
131.
The Baby opens its own wings to reveal (VFX: CUTE PASTEL RAYS OF LIGHT). There are reactions of awe and laughter from the group, as the two birds (VFX: TAKE FLIGHT, DO A QUICK LAP AROUND THE AREA, THEN SOAR INTO THE OPEN HAYLOFT DOOR). As Mother Bird settles down in some HAY with Baby next to her, the song continues...
ALL (Soft & Warm) I LOVE YOU, YOU LOVE ME, WE'RE A HAPPY FAMILY...
Barney and the kids finish the song with a nice hug.
BARNEY & KIDS WITH A GREAT BIG HUG AND A KISS FROM ME TO YOU, WON'T YOU SAY YOU LOVE...ME...TOO.
CUT to BJ and Bop, on the sidelines. Baby Bop looks tired.
BABY BOP (Quiet; sleepy) That's nice. (Yawns broadly)
BJ Yeah...but I think it's time you were getting to bed. C'mon, Sissy.
BABY BOP Oh kay...
The two young dinos are traced in an outline of (VFX/SFX: MAGICAL SPARKLES) and disappear. Baby Bop's blankey remains on the ground.
BABY BOP (VO) (Slightly magical) Hey, where's my blankey? Oh...
Suddenly, the blankey lifts into the air as if being picked up... then disappears in (VFX/SFX: MAGIC SPARKLES).
Barney and the kids laugh, but the adults look a bit stunned.
GRANDPA
Well, are we going to get any more surprises tonight?
BARNEY
Oh, I imagine so... (Chuckles)
Suddenly, (SFX/VFX: SKYROCKETS) burst in the night sky.
ABBY Wow look!
DAD
It must be the fireworks display from town!
OTHERS
(ad lib pleasure and surprise)
The birds glance at the fireworks from their "nest". Each gives a little (VFX: PULSE OF LIGHT) from their head-crystals: sort of a friendly "hi, neighbor" reaction.
CODY
(To self)
This has been the best day. (To Barney) Thank you, Barney... (a beat) ...Barney?
Cody is just becoming aware of Barney's absence when baby Fig points over his mother's shoulder, towards the open barn doors.
FIG
(Giggles) Bah nee!
As the (SFX: FIREWORKS) continue, the camera tracks through the barn to find the BARNEY PLUSH sitting on a BALE OF HAY next to the EMPTY EGG. After a beat or two, there is a (VFX: SEQUENTIAL GLOW) from the egg's rings (in sync with "I LOVE YOU" MUSICAL NOTES)...followed by a single (VFX: MAGICAL WINK) in Barney's eye.