Families Health
What Makes a
Healthy Family?
A Grandfather’s Perspective BUMPS AND BABIES
“Children are like tiny flowers and need to be nourished like plants in a garden” said educator Friedrich Frobel when he launched ‘Kindergartens’ (children’s gardens) in Germany in 1840.
A
s parents our job is to plant our ‘tiny flowers’ in high quality soil, ensuring they get adequate sunshine and a steady flow of clean water, so they become emotionally robust teenagers and adults. I’m thinking of soil as love, sunshine as laughter and water as the wisdom our children require to negotiate the journey of life. At the top of our ‘job description’ as parents is the provision of the ‘high-quality soil’ of love. They won’t grow well without it. Kids spell love being there for them – always. Kids spell love time – unhurried time when we are paying attention with our eyes, ears, hands and hearts. One of the best parenting choices I made was to lie on the bed before lights out with my kids and read them stories. And even more importantly, lying there after lights out telling them my stories and listening to theirs. Recent research concludes the best single predictor of a child’s emotional health and happiness is what researchers call a strong ‘intergenerational self’ which means they have a sense of belonging, a sense of where they fit in the world. And this they learn through the telling of stories. When I reminisce on my childhood it’s quickly evident that my best memories aren’t about stuff, they’re about shared experiences with mum and dad and my 3 brothers. When my 3 kids reminisce about their childhood their most vivid memories are not about stuff, but about shared experiences as a family, such as mealtimes, playtimes, birthdays and especially holidays. The ‘high quality soil’ of unconditional love provides our children with the best possible chance of a healthy life. The sunshine of laughter and fun is essential to create a healthy
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Your Local Families Magazine – Brisbane Issue 3 - April/May 2014
growing environment. Studies show kids laugh 300 to 400 times a day and adults laugh 12 to 17 times a day. What happened? The most influential teacher in human history said if we want a high quality life we need a childlike attitude or we won’t get it. And laughter and fun rate near the top for kids. One time my mum was staying with us and after a few days she remarked, “There’s not enough laughter in your home!” Thanks mum. But a quick analysis proved her right. We found the season of our late 20’s and early 30’s was the most stressful season of our life, and yet perhaps the most important for the formation of our children. ‘Laughter really is the best and cheapest medicine around’ Laughter for kids comes in part from us entering their world, from playing in their world – both outside our home and on a small screen. From having a cat or a dog. From watching funny television or movies… from allowing them to laugh at our inability to dance or negotiate basic technology. Without sunshine tiny plants don’t stand a chance. And so with fun and laughter for our children. One of the primary features of our parenting job description is to train our kids. It’s providing ‘clean water wisdom’ that is caught more than taught. The best definition of wisdom I ever heard was ‘applied knowledge’. It’s not enough to tell our children about life or direct them to sources of information on a small screen. More than anything, it’s transformation by imitation. Regardless of what we say, our children will copy our behaviour. Could it be our child is having a tantrum because we have them? Could it be that our child is resentful, because we don’t forgive those who hurt us? On the other hand maybe our child is willing to share because they see us share. Maybe they speak kindly to