A Slave to Anger (This is a model, not the actual person)
E
ven though I was a pastor, I struggled with the blight of anger! It wasn’t always that way though. As a young boy, my best friend was my dog. He was always by my side, and I couldn’t imagine going anywhere without “Barney!” Then there was ol’ “Lightning,” our horse, who was slow, but still gave me a decent ride. It was my job to keep his stall clean and brush him down daily. Although it was a lot of work, I really didn’t mind. We lived on the edge of town surrounded by acres of fields and forest, an ideal setting for unending hours of exploration. I loved roaming the woods with “Barney” or just sitting with him down by the pond. Best of all, I could go hunting most any time I wanted. It was heaven on earth, and I was the envy of all my friends at school. Life couldn’t have been more perfect — until that fateful day when Dad came into the barn to tell me about some new plans he had. I couldn’t believe my ears as he told me we’d be moving to the city where he would be enrolling in school to earn a seminary degree. You see, he’d met the Lord a year earlier and soon after felt a call to the ministry. Prior to last year, we hadn’t attended church, except when we visited my grandparents. But when I turned seven, my parents felt it was time my brothers and I got involved in Sunday School. Upon hearing my dad’s news, I just stood in shock for a moment, then tears began coursing
through the dust on my cheeks. Over the years, the anger inside grew, but I strove to keep it in check, trying time after time to overcome my angry outbursts. However, it was so strong that most anything would set me off, and my anger always got the best of me. I determined I’d have nothing to do with the ministry, seeing it as the ruination of my life. When “Janie” and I got married, we moved far away from my parents. I plunged into business, hoping to close the door forever on the pain accompanying my memories. I did very well in the business world and advanced quickly up the corporate ladder. We had three beautiful children, but I was well aware that they feared me — as did my wife. Although I had everything I’d ever wanted and was making plenty of money, I still wasn’t happy. My success was totally unfulfilling. This realization forced me to contemplate the purpose of my life, which brought me back to what I’d learned about God as a child. As I acknowledged the emptiness inside, a strong desire to become a pastor began to take root. It shocked me at first because I had been against the whole mind set of the ministry for so many years. In no time at all, I turned my back on business and left the corporate world to enter Bible college. Despite the fact that I was in seminary for several years, I was still a slave to anger, never
learning how to deal with the root. And unfortunately, no one ever confronted me about it either. Anger had eaten away at the core of my life for as long as I could remember. I could do pretty well putting up a front in public, but my poor family was the primary outlet for my frustrations. My plan was to go to Faith Family to learn how to minister to the hurting in my church. However, during my time there, I became emotionally drained as I relived the painful experiences of my own past. I wept freely as the wounds were uncovered. It was hard to understand why the hurt was still so strong after all those years. I had doubted that they would ever come in line. I can’t tell you how many times I’d tried to let it all go, but I guess I was just stuck! Dr. Bill explained that while I had mentally forgiven my dad, my emotions surrounding those hurtful events hadn’t been dealt with. He asked the Lord to shed His light on what was causing my pain. As he prayed for me, Christ revealed His truth to my heart, setting me totally free! I can’t explain it except to say it was God bringing me His revelation and performing a miracle in my heart. I was finally able to experience the elusive relief I’d sought for years! And, completely unbeknownst to me, God had removed the anger while healing my pain as well! The next day when I arrived at my session, I was amazed that situations which would have made me livid the day before, didn’t bother me even a little! At the end of my time at FFM, my thought was, I came to learn, and I certainly did, but first and foremost, I needed it for myself! When I was reunited with my congregation, I took a bold step in sharing how the Lord had delivered me from my terrible anger problem.
I told of the cleansing truth and the resulting freedom in my life. I began offering classes for those seriously interested in gaining emotional and spiritual freedom. I was able to start leading my people as they allowed the Lord to expose the lies they’d believed and reveal His truth to them. My frustration of being ineffective had totally disappeared. A spark of life started spreading throughout my congregation, and those who were ignited began developing into valuable assets. Not long after, our family had a reunion at my dad’s home. At the first opportunity, I pulled Dad aside and confessed my bitterness toward him. I explained that even though I’d done my best to be forgiving, the hurt had stayed with me. I shared what had happened during my time at Faith Family, and how God had healed my wounds and set me completely free from anger. I concluded by saying, “Dad, I’m sorry for the many years of tension between us.” His throat was too tight to speak, but his wide open arms and strong hug said it all. As we embraced, the healing tears of father and son mingled together to wash away all those years of pain. The next morning, I sought Dad out to say good-bye. I found him still in bed and concern filled me as I rushed to his bedside whispering, “Daddy?” His eyelids flickered slowly, and a wrinkled hand groped weakly for mine. As we clasped in farewell, those watery blue eyes focused one last time on my face while a small smile played on his lips. Gone were the old familiar tensions between us. A new and glorious peace reigned supreme as my father left this world to go home to be with the Lord!
Fifteen Years Later fter all these years, the World Trade A Center tragedy is still wrecking havoc on
our environment! The fires that burned for three weeks and toxic clouds that resulted were loaded with the most cancercausing chemicals in the world. Because of this, there are folks who suffer from illnesses such as chronic fatigue, fibromyalgia, cancers, brain fog, allergies, asthma, and much more. EPA studies show that one hundred percent of human fat biopsies contain dioxins, PCBs and other cancer-causing chemicals. These chemicals result primarily from industrial smoke stacks, power plants, and waste incineration. The toxic smoke from the Twin Towers tragedy contained enormous amounts of PCBs, dioxins, heavy metals like mercury, aluminum, arsenic and cadmium, as well as, phthalates and hundreds of volatile organic hydrocarbons. Most of these chemicals don’t go away. They are picked up in clouds and rain out all over the country.
HealthPoint Wherever they fall, they persist in the soil to be absorbed by plants that we use for food. Animals grazing on this vegetation actually concentrate these chemicals many times more than plants, making them an even more toxic source. As well, the oceans don’t dilute these chemicals as much as we would hope, and fish concentrate them. Once in the body, these chemicals are not easily metabolized. Some of them lasting more than thirty years. Only when each person’s total body burden of chemicals reaches a certain point does he then manifest a disease. Cadmium, for example, can cause and mimic anything from arthritis or high blood pressure to kidney disease or prostate cancer. It seems like the world will never run out of ways to poison our environment. But there is good news! You can fight back by using a far infrared sauna, eating as healthy as possible, as well as, taking the needed supplements appropriate for your individual body.
My Sheep Hear My Voice
What does this new year hold for
you? Do you believe you can depend on God to pull you through? Or does fear hold you captive, making you dread the future? Fear is not God’s way! He said, through the Apostle John, that perfect love casts out fear (I John 4:18). And His perfect love is in you! Therefore, you have a very simple job to do. Let the love of God which abides in you by the Holy Spirit come out by yielding to His leading in your life. I said it was simple, but I didn’t say it was easy. The real work is to learn the difference between the voice of the Holy Spirit and the voice of your flesh. Jesus said, “My sheep hear My voice…and they follow Me” (John 10:27). If you are His “sheep,” you are able to hear and follow. However, your own “want to’s” might get in the way of following His will. The Lord will not force you. You must choose to follow, but His call to do so never waivers. Your flesh is much the same in that
it calls you to do your “own thing.” James says it this way, “Each one is tempted when he is drawn away by his own desires and enticed” (1:14). But how do you learn to “hear” His voice? Where do you get “ears to hear” what God is saying? Spending time with the Lord is the key to learning to “hear.” Your time of prayer should be continual. Paul said, “Pray without ceasing.” That doesn’t mean to stay on your knees 24/7. It means to keep a line of communication open with the Lord all the time. Picture yourself wearing a headset. Prayer is a dialogue, not a monologue. You share with God your concerns, yes, but then, you listen to what is on His heart as well. Most people sense what God wants them to understand rather than hearing an audible voice. Spending time interacting with God will open a whole new relationship with Him that will bring comfort, peace, wisdom, discernment, direction, and the list of benefits could go on and on!
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The Truth shall make you free
everal months ago, I had the opportunity to work with a man who was going through a difficult time in his life. I’ll call him “Blair.” He shared that he was having a hard time overcoming several patterns that were keeping him from a stronger relationship with his wife and with Jesus. He felt that he could handle them, and tried over and over to allow the Lord to lead him to victory. Each time, however, he would fail and fall into discouragement, which simply made the matter worse. He began to think his situation was hopeless. He wanted to be strong and overcome his tendency to walk in independence, but he couldn’t figure out how to let go. “Blair” had been brought up to believe that if something needed to be done, it was up to him to find a way to do it. This is not unusual for American males since rugged individualism is the accepted norm, and the man is supposed to be able to “fix” whatever is “broken.” As we talked, I reminded him of Gal. 2:20, that he was crucified with Christ, and the only life he has is the life Jesus bought for him on Calvary. He knew that in his mind, but the reality of it hadn’t reached his spirit. I shared with him that when we invite Christ into our heart, we die! Not physically, of course, but we must recognize that we no longer belong to ourselves. We belong to God. He bought us body, soul and spirit. We are His! As the light of this began to dawn on him, “Blair” said, “Then I am no longer independent, but rather, interdependent!” He realized that he had been filled with God’s Spirit and simply needed to recognize the Lord had all the answers to give him victory. If he would rest in the reality that Christ’s life in him was the component he’d been ignoring, he could achieve what he had been struggling to gain. It was like what Watchman Nee once said, “One of the most frustrating things we do is to try to get into a room we’re already in!” I also reminded “Blair” that much the same thing was true about him and his wife. God said that when they united their lives in marriage, the two would become one. So he was no longer independent from his wife, but interdependent there as well.
The only difference was that with the Lord, his interdependence was actually total dependence – his abilities, his strengths, his personality, but under God’s control. On the other hand, with his wife, the two now made one – each adding to the other. Not one doing and the other watching, or one with all the ideas and the other with none, but rather complementing each other with their combined strengths, making a super team! “Wow,” he said. “I hadn’t thought about it that way, but I see where I’ve been missing it. I was trying to solve problems in my own strength when God has given me two helpers – His Spirit and my wife! What an idiot I’ve been!” The more he thought about it, the more excited he became. He left with a renewed vision, a renewed hope and a renewed plan of action. No longer determined to “fix it” himself, he had made a dramatic shift in his understanding. Not long ago I spoke with him again and he said, “It’s working! I don’t ‘get it right’ all the time, but my wife has seen such a change in me, saying, ‘I’ve got my husband back – the one I fell in love with way back when.’” Over the last thirty-eight years, as this ministry has grown and changed, our life has expanded to encompass many people who have become like family to us. We hear from some who have kept us up on all that is happening in their lives. We love hearing about the growth and freedom they continue to experience, but we are also grateful for those who share the struggles they’ve encountered. Our joy is to provide on-going help and encouragement to any who have received ministry at Faith Family by keeping up with them through emails. Plus, we hope our publication, The InnKeeper is a blessing to all who read it as we share that God’s mercies and compassion are new every morning. (Lam. 3:23) I’m also reminded of John 8:32 where Jesus said, “You shall know the truth and truth shall make you free.” Real freedom is always available ... just trust Christ for it!