CLASSIC (non-faith-based): Parent & Leader Guide by Explicit Movement

GROW IN CONFIDENCE. KNOW YOUR IDENTITY. PROTECT YOURSELF FROM VICTIMIZATION.

PARENT & LEADER GUIDE

FOR GIRLS

Join the Journey

A Special Edition with wisdom and encouragement for teen girls to:

• Bolster self-value and confidence • Promote positive self-image and strength • Grow up aware and equipped to protect themselves and others

• Honor their personal power to be both brave and beautiful

PARENT & LEADER GUIDE

WELCOME TO THE PARENT & LEADER GUIDE AUTHORS/EDUCATORS: Cathy Lynne Fong, Erin Chinen, Loraine Hotoke, and Michele Okimura.

WELCOME TO THE BRAVE & BEAUTIFUL JOURNEY! Thank you so much for making the time to invest in your teen and in your

relationship with her! We believe that you will find this to be a transformational experience for you both, as the articles will be relevant to your personal growth as well. We believe you will grow together. If you are going through this Journey book with a small group of participants, we believe you are in for a deeply meaningful time together as well! A team of educators collaborated to put together discussion questions and optional activities for each chapter for you to use as a springboard in your times of meeting together. Please know that the discussion questions are optional, and you can pick and choose which questions you would like to use, as well as create your own questions. Be inspired with spontaneous questions as the discussion flows. The activities provided for each chapter are also optional. We encourage you to be creative and create your own activities! The lessons are typically geared for small groups, so please adjust the activity if you are doing a 1:1 mentorship as a parent, teacher, or leader. We welcome you to dive in and enjoy the journey yourself. We hope this will be a transformational experience for all involved.

IMPORTANT NOTES TO CONSIDER BEFORE YOU BEGIN: • •

Be positive, affirming, and encouraging to your teen whenever possible! Be mindful to NOT dominate the conversation. Make it a point to listen more than you talk.

•

Express gratitude when your teen shares a good point.

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Make the discussion times as enjoyable, loving, and meaningful as possible so you both look forward to your times together.

•

Thank her when she took a risk and shared vulnerably with you.

•

The discussions can be serious at times, but remember that laughing together also grows the bond between you and your teen!

BRAVE & BEAUTIFUL

PLEASE READ THE FOLLOWING REMINDERS TO HELP ENSURE A SUCCESSFUL EXPERIENCE FOR BOTH YOU AND YOUR TEEN GIRL(S)! WHAT IS THE PURPOSE OF THIS GUIDE?

The purpose of this guide is to give you helpful ideas for meaningful discussions on the vital topics covered in Brave & Beautiful. The discussion time after each chapter can strengthen your emotional connection with your teen, heart to heart. This can be a powerful mentorship tool! We also provided optional activities you can do in small groups.

Verbally processing the content with someone as mature as you, will help teen girls to digest the material and have a deeper learning experience. Going through the material with someone also ensures they will complete the Brave & Beautiful Journey. The ending chapters of this journey book have vital information that could literally save lives! WHO SHOULD GO THROUGH THIS WITH A TEEN GIRL?

Because Brave & Beautiful is for teen girls and the articles are coming from mostly female perspectives covering common female issues, it is more natural and comfortable for a mom or female mentor to go through this with teen girls. However, we do understand that in some cases, a father may want to go through this with their teen, which is also fine. *Going through this with a small group of teen girls can also add beneficial and enriching perspectives to the discussions. IMPORTANT: THIS IS NOT A TIME TO GIVE ‘LECTURES’ OR GIVE ADVICE (UNLESS THE TEEN GIRL ASKS FOR ADVICE).

Our desire is that going through Brave & Beautiful together with your teen or group of teens will be a positive, enjoyable experience for everyone! As a parent or mentor, you want to create a safe place where your teen girl feels comfortable to open up and freely share her thoughts and feelings. •

This is not a time where your teen passively listens to your advice or teachings.

•

This is not a time to quickly ‘correct’ your teen’s line of thinking.

•

This is not a time to try to force your teen to agree with your perspectives.

•

Seek to understand you teen first before seeking to be understood.

However, in the discussions, there will be opportunities to pass along your wisdom naturally as you share your thoughts and life experiences. This is a time to really listen to your teen and seek to understand her. If your teen feels that you really care about what she has to say, she will appreciate being heard. If you

listen to her without negatively judging her, she will want to share things with you—which is what you want! WHAT DO YOU DO IF YOUR TEEN SHARES SOMETHING SHOCKING, DISTURBING, OR UPSETTING TO YOU?

Because the topics and discussion questions encourage vulnerability, your teen may very well muster the courage within herself to share something that may shock, disturb, or upset you. Prepare yourself now, so if this happens, you are ready to respond with love and compassion, and NOT react in anger or shock. If you do react in anger or shock, this may cause your teen girl to not want to open up to you —she may decide that you are not a safe person to confide her secrets to. Put yourself in her shoes. If you confessed something very private to someone when you were a teen, how would you want them to respond? As a parent or mentor, it can be SO easy to react in anger or shock when your teen shares something upsetting. The tendency can be to want to control the situation and your teen! Having a plan on responding calmly using self-restraint can help you should such a situation arise. Your strong reactions can cause your teen to shut down emotionally if they do not feel honored or heard. Refer to the article following this introduction entitled, “Empathetic Responses That Promote Connection.” Respond with kindness, gentleness, love, and empathy—not judgment. Know that it took courage for your teen to share what she did. You can affirm your teen girl and thank her for sharing her heart with you. Take this opportunity to love on her and communicate that you want to always be there for her. BECAUSE YOU WILL BE SHARING YOUR THOUGHTS AND LIFE EXPERIENCES IN THE DISCUSSIONS, HOW VULNERABLE SHOULD YOU BE WITH YOUR TEEN?

Part of creating a heart connection with your teen involves you sharing some of your life experiences with her. You will create an atmosphere of vulnerability when you share about the struggles you went through, your failures, and what you learned from them as it relates to the subject being discussed. It is so valuable for your teen to learn more about your story! They may particularly appreciate stories about your teen years.

WHAT IS A RECOMMENDED READING PLAN?

There are 25 short chapters, so we recommend reading one chapter per week in chronological order. The chapters are short (4-8 pages) and can easily be read in a short amount of time. The discussion time can be anywhere from around 30 minutes or more, depending on how a particular topic impacts your teen and your available time. If the conversation seems to be going longer than usual and you need to end it due to your schedule, you can always continue the conversation at a later time. Sometimes the best conversations happen while in the car together or at random times when hearts are open. *NOTE: If your teen is going through a particular struggle in the present, you can opt to skip ahead to a later chapter that addresses what she is currently going through. For example, if a close relative of your teen passed away, you could decide to skip ahead and go through the chapter SHE CRIES on grieving. Like a magazine, you can skip ahead to what is most relevant, then return back to the order we have laid out for the journey. Although the chapters are ordered to build upon each other, feel free to skip around to chapters that are most relevant and will best serve your teen girl(s). THIS PUBLICATION IS FOR MIDDLE SCHOOL AND HIGH SCHOOL GIRLS. CAN A YOUNGER GIRL GO THROUGH THIS?

Because the first three-fourths of the content focus on growing a girl’s confidence and knowing her identity, you could easily go over the first three-fourths of the journey with younger girls using your judgment. The older a girl is, the more mature she is and the more she will have a deeper grasp on the lessons. However, the articles do support younger girls! The last chapters cover the heavier subjects of pornography, sex abuse, and sex trafficking which may not be as age appropriate for younger girls (You may decide to pick and choose articles that you feel are helpful for younger girls.). However, as a parent or mentor, you can use your judgment since some research has shown that the average age for first exposure to pornography is 8 years old. Knowing your audience and their exposure level might help you determine if it is important for your younger audience to be aware of online predators and pornography issues.

BRAVE & BEAUTIFUL

CAN A YOUNG ADULT WOMAN OR OLDER WOMAN BENEFIT FROM GOING THROUGH THIS BRAVE & BEAUTIFUL JOURNEY?

Although the target group for this publication is middle and high school teen girls, we understand that many women of all ages struggle with having confidence and believing that they are brave and beautiful. We have found that many women (women in their 20s through 60s) who have journeyed through this publication have been deeply touched and impacted. We know this resource can speak to girls and women of all ages. The valuable information about sex trafficking and the various other topics covered can be gleaned and passed on to young people through the women who have gone through this Brave & Beautiful experience! PLEASE REFRAIN FROM ASKING TO READ YOUR TEEN GIRL’S PRIVATE THOUGHTS THAT SHE SHARED ON HER INTERACTIVE PAGES.

We strongly urge parents and mentors to please honor their teen’s privacy regarding the interactive pages that she filled out—unless she willingly wants to share her writings or art with you. We want every teen girl to be honest and vulnerable in her reflections and journaling. Knowing that others will be reading her private journaling without permission would greatly hinder the effectiveness of her experience. BRAVE & BEAUTIFUL SHOULD BE KEPT AND REFERRED TO EVEN IN YOUNG ADULT YEARS!

We want our teen readers to feel honored and blessed by the quality and excellence of this publication. We envision that they will keep Brave & Beautiful for decades to come as a tool and reference guide. Sex trafficking also happens during young adult years and in colleges. We pray this will be a resource the readers will refer to again and again.

A RIGHT OF PASSAGE EVENT FOR YOUR TEEN GIRL WHO TO INVITE?

You could invite a few or many women who are especially close to your teen girl. They could be family members and/or mentors. You can choose to involve your teen girl in deciding who to invite to this event. This will be a powerful time of women affirming and loving on her, welcoming her into the season of becoming a young woman! PREPARATION

Ahead of time, ask the women invited to write a one-page (or so) letter to your teen girl, expressing their love and sharing their wisdom as she enters a new season of her life. They can include their hopes for her. Inform them that they will be reading their letter to her as part of the program at the event. Their letters will later be put into an album for your teen girl to keep forever.

We have added this additional activity that can be so meaningful for your teen girl. We wanted to mention this idea to you now so you can be envisioning the possibilities as you feel led—be creative! This celebration event can help her to grow in confidence and know her value! Be innovative and simply use this activity as a springboard to tailor it to how you want to encourage your teen girl. Here are a few milestone ages that this activity can be applied to: • In the Jewish culture, when a girl turns 12, a Bat Mitzvah celebration takes place as a coming-of-age ceremony into adulthood. • A girl’s Sweet 16 Debutante Birthday party or her quinceanera can also be considered a coming-of-age ceremony in America.

Ask the invited guests to bring a gift that has a symbolic meaning which expresses what they appreciate about your teen girl and communicates how they see her. They are to attach a positive meaning to the item they gift to her, which they will share at the event. Encourage them to be creative! Plan the details of the party using your creativity to make it special and memorable! AT THE CELEBRATION

Sometime during the event, have a time where each of the invited guests presents their letter and gift to your teen girl. Each woman is to read their letter, give their wrapped gift to her, (have your teen girl open the gift) and explain the meaning behind the gift they gave. It is also special to take photos during the event including a final group shot. AFTER THE CELEBRATION

Collect the letters written to your teen girl. You could simply place them into an album along with any photos from the event, or you can make this into a scrapbooking project. This could be a craft project you do, your teen girl does, or you do together.

• When a girl graduates high school, this can also be a year to celebrate with this activity, since she will be moving onto college, higher education, trade school, or the workforce.

EMPATHETIC RESPONSES THAT PROMOTE CONNECTION

It is not always easy to know what to say when someone tells you something very personal. There is power in words. Careless words keep people isolated and silent for years. Supportive words bring healing, restoration, and courage to talk about their burden or their experiences. Here are some tips on what to say vs what not to say when someone shares vulnerably.

WHAT TO SAY:

After someone shares something vulnerable, it can be hurtful to not say anything, quickly change the subject, or make a joke/comment to lighten to mood.

• You are very brave and courageous to talk about what happened.

When appropriate, a hand on the shoulder, a hand squeeze or a hug also can communicate comfort and empathy. *Do not start immediately sharing your experience that is similar. This time is not about you. It is about listening to them heart-to-heart. Giving advice and encouraging words comes later after they feel validated and heard, and you sense they are ready for that.

• Sounds like you are feeling really (angry, sad, excited, shocked etc.) by what happened. I don’t know exactly what to say right now except that I’m here for you. • I’m so sorry that happened to you. • This must be so tough for you.

• It took a lot of courage to talk about this, and I’m proud of you. • I am here to help you through your sadness. • We will walk through this together. • I care about you. I am here to listen and help you in any way. • I am so glad you are sharing this with me. • You are not alone.

WHAT NOT TO SAY

• • • • • • • • • •

You just need to let go and move on. Other people have it worse than you. You’re making too much of a big deal of this. Are you just trying to get attention? I can’t believe this really happened. Tell me every detail and don’t leave anything out. How come you just can’t forgive? Did you enjoy it? (referring to abuse) What are you going to do about it now? At least… (minimizing issue)

BRAVE & BEAUTIFUL

• I believe in you! • I’m so sorry that awful thing happened to you. You didn’t deserve this (abuse, hurtful situation) • You are not to blame. This is not your fault. (if they were a victim of abuse) • Healing is possible. You can be whole again. • Forgiveness for such a deep hurt is a process and will happen over time. • What I hear you saying is… (reflect back what they said/ reflect back what you sense they are feeling.)

GROW IN CONFIDENCE. KNOW YOUR IDENTITY.

urney

FOR GIRLS

BRAVE & BEAUTIFUL CLASSIC PARENT & LEADER GUIDE Copyright © 2023 Releasing Generations Published by Releasing Generations Printed in the United States of America All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, distributed or transmitted in any form or by any means, including photocopying, recording, or other electronic or mechanical methods, without the prior written permission of the publisher, except in the case of brief quotations embodied in critical reviews and certain other noncommercial uses permitted by copyright law. All articles, art, and photographs have been published and printed with the permission of their creators.

ISBN: 979-8-9862965-3-1 Art Direction and Graphic Design: Ahava Design, LLC. Photos by Unsplash and Pixabay.

BRAVEANDBEAUTIFUL.WORLD Brave & Beautiful is a publication created by Explicit Movement, a Christian faith-based movement that heals and empowers youth and young adults to walk in sexual integrity and healthy relationships. We provide faith-based resources that equip youth, young adults, parents, and church leaders to have conversations concerning healthy dating and navigating sexuality issues with confidence, leading the way for young people to thrive in relationships. CREDITS COVER Floral pattern: Maria Galybina. 4-5 Photography by Luminous: Emily Ganiko. Unsplash. 10 Louisa Wendorff/Austin Lord Photography 12-14 “Brave.” Merriam-Webster. com Dictionary, Merriam-Webster, /brave. Accessed 17 Apr. 2021. “Beautiful.” Merriam-Webster.com Dictionary, Merriam-Webster, /beautiful. Accessed 17 Apr. 2021.

Dear Readers,

It is a fact that girls who believe they are important and have value, who are confident, who have a strong sense of hope, and who have goals for a positive future…are less vulnerable to falling victim to damaging and even dangerous situations. Having such positive attributes will help keep you from falling into the wrong hands, from becoming a victim of sexual violence, and becoming a victim of predators. Therefore, the reason for this publication is to build and lift you up to thrive! Knowing your value and worth will help you walk out your purpose! May each page impart encouragement, wisdom, hope, and practical tools for you to be emotionally healthy. You have a unique story. You have a unique design to who you are. We want to celebrate YOU during this time despite where your journey has taken you up to this point. Your joys, your pain and suffering, your loneliness, your heartbreak, your loving moments, and your victories matter. Your story can be woven together into something brave and beautiful that can change the world. SO! Jump in and be fascinated by your discoveries!

Blessings to you! Michele Okimura, Executive Director, Explicit Movement

Brave & Beautiful. Take a moment to ask

What is my purpose? What is my name? What am I known for? Am I hidden in shame? Confident or Much Afraid. Lonely or Sad. Sunshine or Nervous. Rejected or Mad? Let hope fill your heart. Be refreshed in the new. Grow and bloom forth To be perfectly you. It’s time to ARISE! Beloved One, now. Finding your sparkle? Seek and learn how. New visions of life, You are created to see. Born Brave and Beautiful! You are destined to be.

REAL TRUTH.

REAL LOVE.

••

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Journey 01

Journey 02

SHE IS BRAVE & BEAUTIFUL

SHE RELEASES

SHE DISCOVERS

SHE STANDS

30 SHE ACCEPTS

SHE CRIES

40 SHE BELIEVES

SHE PERSEVERES

58 SHE EXPRESSES

SHE PROTECTS

70 SHE SPARKLES

SHE BLOOMS

76 SHE RESTS

Celebr ate s •• She Blooms •• She

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Journey 03

Journey 04 Listen

PORNOGRAPHY

20 SHE LOVES

SEXUAL ABUSE & TRAUMA

30 SHE GIVES

SEX TRAFFICKING

40 SHE DREAMS

VOICES OF FREEDOM

48 SHE CREATES

HOPE RISING

SHE CELEBRATES

56 SHE ARISES

She Lstens!

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We are Explicit Movement. We know that youth and young adults around the world are hurting with insecurities about their identity and are often confused when it comes to the topic of sex and how to have healthy relationships. The struggle is intensified by often distorted views of sexuality and relationships promoted by pornography, the entertainment industry, and culture in general. Explicit is a faith-based organization that helps youth and young adults heal from abuse and empowers them to have healthy relationships. We want them to know their value and have a healthy concept of sex. We engage in real and relevant conversations and provide resources that honestly explore and equip teens, young adults, parents, and leaders on topics concerning healthy dating and navigating sexuality issues. We also care deeply about the issue of sex trafficking and want to empower youth with the awareness, knowledge, and practical tools to protect themselves.

OUR APPROACH

Join the Movement! Together we can

Our leadership team has decades of combined experience working with and supporting teens, young adults, parents,

and church and community leaders. Over the past several

years, we have witnessed the transformation of thousands of young people in Hawaii and across the world. You are not alone in your struggles.

visit us at ExplicitMovement.org

BRAVE & BEAUTIFUL

PART 1

Embrace who you really are! What is of great importance is to know and embrace your immense value. You must not define your worth by what others say or even what negative things you may say about yourself. Your foundation must be built on the fact that you are special, unique, and important! It is from that place of knowing your worth that your values are formed and your decisions and choices are made. For example, if a girl believes she has little or no value, is not good enough and is unlovable, then you can imagine what kinds of choices she will make in life and the dangerous traps she can fall into. She has the potential to become vulnerable and fall prey to predators. These people commonly disguise themselves as loving and caring but are filled with malicious and selfish intentions. On the other hand, if a girl believes that she has incredible, infinite value—not with a prideful heart, but with a healthy self-love—then she is in position to fulfill her purpose and calling with strength, love, and confidence. She will make a difference in this world by touching and impacting lives for good along the way.

She is Brave & Beautiful She Discovers She Accepts She Believes

Welcome to the first section of this Brave and Beautiful Journey. This section will lay a solid foundation for you to build on. There are incredible things to discover about yourself that may even surprise you! You will learn to accept yourself as a uniquely designed individual that was never meant to be compared to anyone. You are a standalone masterpiece. You are like a diamond—you were designed to reflect specific brilliant facets that have never been revealed in history and will never shine upon this earth again. The challenge for you will be to not just know that you are valuable, but to believe it. This first section was created just for you to help truth to make its journey from your head to your heart. Enjoy your trek on this pathway of discovery and don’t forget to smell the roses along the way! If you open your heart, you will never be the same as you just may experience a miracle! Did you know that some of the most profound miracles are the miracles of the heart? This entire Journey was created with you in mind. Enjoy this gift. Will you begin this journey with child-like curiosity and wonder?

Ready. Set. Dive in beloved! 9

Brave Beauti s i e sh

BRAVE & BEAUTIFUL

in the ordinary moments adds up

to an extraordinary, successful life.” ANDREA T. GOEGLEIN

B RAVE & B EAUTI FU L JOU RN EY: SH E IS B RAVE & B EAUTI FU L

“All the bravery that lines our lives,

& e

JOU RN EY 01 • CHAPTER 01

tiful.

Brave brave

adjective. \ brāv \ braver; bravest

having or showing mental or moral strength to face danger, fear, or difficulty : having or showing courage

2. making a fine show : COLORFUL brave banners flying in the wind 3. EXCELLENT, SPLENDID

“Yes, I am imperfect and vulnerable and sometimes afraid, but that doesn’t change the truth that I am brave and worthy of love and belonging.” BRENÉ BROWN, RISING STRONG: HOW THE ABILITY TO RESET TRANSFORMS THE WAY WE LIVE, LOVE, PARENT, AND LEAD

How is Being Brave Like a Volcano?

ot lava seeps up from deep within the earth. In a similar way, courage erupts from deep inside, from a spirit of power, love, and wisdom within you! As you grow and discover the things that set your heart ablaze, passion and courage can become a stronger force that has the power to melt away fear and intimidation.

Red is often associated with war, strength, power, determination, passion and love.

The vibrant colors of red, orange and yellow combine in a dance of fire over your heart.

Yellow can stand for freshness, positivity, clarity, honor, and loyalty.

BRAVE & BEAUTIFUL

Orange combines the energy of red and the joy of yellow and is known to represent enthusiasm, fascination, creativity, encouragement and success.

“Be fearless, because the world needs what you have to give.” EILEEN ANGLIN

Painting by Francis Oda

These attributes can describe the facets of bravery you need to live out your unique purpose. Lava also flows and creates new land, new ground. In a similar way, you have the power to not only reclaim ground that was stolen, but also make new ground and enlarge your territory and influence for good!

You are a brave-hearted woman, and this world needs your presence, passions, and talents! So be courageous, and fear not! ”Courage is on display every day, and only the courageous wring the most out of life.” ZIG ZIGLAR You are a Brave-Heart!

Beautiful beautiful adjective. beau·ti·ful | \ byü-ti-fəl \

1. having qualities of beauty : exciting aesthetic pleasure 2. generally pleasing : EXCELLENT

You are a beautiful darling! A beautiful sweetheart! You are beautiful beyond words!

Know you are a beautiful bloom in this world.

BRAVE & BEAUTIFUL

How is Being Beautiful Like a Field of Flowers?

niversally, flowers are considered beautiful and are used to decorate and adorn people and places. There are literally thousands of various kinds of flowers in this world.

Fun Facts: Did you know that there are about 400,000 flowering plant species in the world? That is more than the types of bird and butterfly species

combined! For those of you who love roses, there are over 4800 types of roses known worldwide. Flowers come in almost every color imaginable: shades of white, red, blue, yellow, pink, purple, green, and orange! The shapes, sizes, and designs of flowers around the world seem limitless—yet they are all beautiful in their own unique way, just like the girls and women in the world! What is your favorite flower?

Tulips? Roses? Lilies?

Sunflowers? Peonies? Daisies? Carnations?

You, beautiful you, are also unique in design and color, gracing the planet with your very being. Many flowers release a sweet fragrance. Take a moment to reflect on the countless bottles of floral perfumes made from a floral essence. Do you have a favorite floral fragrance?

May your life release a sweet, pleasant, refreshing, fragrance wherever you go! One bloom is beautiful, but the scene of a field of many colorful flowers blooming together creates a breathtaking feast for the eyes! Bold and delicate, vibrant, and pastel, all swaying in the breeze on a moonlit night. Just as a standalone, single flower is magnificent by itself, there is another kind of beauty displayed when that flower is in a bouquet with other types of flowers. In a similar way, we can appreciate the beauty that emanates from the sisterhood of friends and family in our communities and around the world! Lastly, a field of flowers can be more beautiful than the most elegant of royal attire!

“

Beauty is being the best possible version of yourself on the inside and out.” AUDREY HEPBURN

Painting by Danielle Iranon

She Disco

BRAVE & BEAUTIFUL

B RAVE & B EAUTI FU L JOU RN EY: SH E D ISCOVERS

Life is also about

discovering your unique

and wondrous design!

JOU RN EY 01 • CHAPTER 02

overs.

look at you girl! The world is waiting...

ver wonder why you were created? What is your purpose?

How do you discover your own unique path in life?

Yikes! Those distracting confusing voices can get us off track! There can be SO many voices screaming at us constantly about who we SHOULD be or what we SHOULD be doing! Pressures and expectations to be this or that can come from others or even ourselves!

Maybe you are known as

Let’s pull back the drapes. What is hiding behind the curtains when those labels and roles are stripped off? There is so much more to you than labels— labels are so limiting! There is so much untapped potential within you waiting to be discovered and explode forth! What do you base your worth on? The Truth: Your worth does not come from the kind of clothes you wear, how many friends you have, how talented you are in something, or even how high your grades are in school. It’s not even based on your ‘performance,’ though the world may speak this. Though

*the smart one *the serious one *the funny one *the creative one *the shy one *the crazy one *the stable one *the sporty

one *the artistic one *the expressive one *the laid back one, or *the bossy one.

tempting, be careful to not base your value on how many followers or likes you have on social media. You have a purpose far greater and wider than you could ever dream of. You are on a journey of discovering the complex and brilliant facets of you and the hidden gems placed within you! You, beautiful you! The world is waiting!

“The world is waiting for you, never give up on your dream(s). Arise and make an impact, there are people who are just waiting for your story which will give them a turn around in their lives.” WISDOM KWASHIE MENSAH

she is self-aware. The questions you ask yourself...matter!

eing self-aware is not a natural thing for people—it’s a skill to be practiced and learned! It is crucial to grow in our self-awareness so we can continue to grow and learn from our experiences. This makes it possible for us to make positive changes, make better choices, and understand ourselves. Being self-aware helps us get in touch with our emotions which can lead us to handle them in the best possible way

BRAVE & BEAUTIFUL

rather than stuff them or react wildly to life situations without any thought.

Some helpful self-awareness questions:

Self-awareness also helps us to improve our relationships by growing in understanding of others and learning how to communicate more effectively.

At the beginning of each day, you can ask yourself:

Seek counsel when you reflect! Sometimes we do not know our own hearts—but if we process our thoughts with someone who really knows us and roots for us, like a trusted family member or mentor— they can share insights that may often surprise us!

• What kind of person do I want to be today? • What attribute do I want to grow in? (for example, patience or kindness) • What is the one thing I really want to accomplish today?

“Self-awareness gives you the capacity to learn from your mistakes as well as your successes. It enables you to keep growing.” Lawrence Bossidy

“If your emotional abilities aren’t in hand, if you don’t have self-awareness, if you are not able to manage your distressing emotions, if you can’t have empathy and have effective relationships, then no matter how smart you are, you are not going to get very far.”

Daniel Goleman

"If you want to change and grow, then you must know yourself and accept who you are before you can start building."

"Until you take the journey of self-reflection, it is almost impossible to grow or learn in life."

John Maxwell

Iyanla Vanzant

At the end of each day, you can ask yourself:

If you had a concerning incident, you can ask yourself:

• What went well today? • What did not go well—would I do anything differently? • What is something I learned or discovered today? • What is one thing I learned about myself today? • What 3 things am I grateful for?

• Why did I react that way? • How do I feel about that? • Why do I feel this way? Does it remind me of a past experience?

There are numerous self-reflection questions a person can ask themselves depending on the situation—but you can start with a few each day to grow in your own self-awareness!

“You are worthy of love and respect. You are beautiful, gifted, and intelligent. Don't let the storm make you forget it.” – Russell T. Davies DISCOVER YOU! DO THIS. GETTING TO KNOW YOURSELF. What runs you down? Stresses you out? Makes you angry? Makes you afraid? Makes you sad? Makes you happy? I feel emotionally drained when:

I dislike:

I lack peace.

losing.

I am unhappy.

being wrong.

I don’t feel safe.

being in conflict with someone.

I feel overwhelmed by challenges.

being rejected.

I get excited and energized when: I get things done. I am getting along well with others. I am involved and gather others to join in. I gather facts and knowledge and am accurate. Do I :

I usually feel refreshed and energized when: Tend to see the cup half full (I tend to focus on the positive)

I am around people interacting with them.

Tend to see the cup half empty (I tend to focus on the negative)

When I have my alone time.

Rank 1-6, 1 being the number describing you most, and 6 being the number describing you least. I feel most loved by people when: They give me a gift.

They take time to do activities with me that I enjoy.

They give me a hug or physical affection.

They take time to listen to me and have quality conversations.

They say affirming, encouraging words to me verbally or written.

What makes you feel alive and sets your heart on fire?

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They do things for me.

SHE KNOWS HERSELF. YOUR DESIGN: KNOW THYSELF What builds you up?

What is that one thing that gives you energy?

What in particular do you have FUN doing?

What are 3-6 top things you value?

“Your visions will become clear only when you can look into your own heart. Who looks outside, dreams; who looks inside, awakes.” – Carl Jung “Without reflection, we go blindly on our way, creating more unintended consequences, and failing to achieve anything useful.” – Margaret J. Wheatley “Great leaders develop through a never-ending process of self-study, self-reflection, education, training, and experience.” – Tony Buon

doodle

You're OK

“No one can make you feel inferior without your consent" - Eleanor Roosevelt We all have a desire to be liked, but confidence is

“ I will be fine even if they don’t”

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Whoa!

THERE WAS NO ONE EXACTLY LIKE YOU IN ALL OF HISTORY.

you are marvelous. Do you know your value? . . . Take time to ponder. Reflect on your strengths, gifts, and talents.

YOU ARE NOT A MISTAKE.

YOU ARE UNIQUE – ONE OF A KIND!

“WHAT LIES BEHIND YOU AND WHAT LIES IN FRONT OF YOU PALES IN COMPARISON TO WHAT LIES INSIDE YOU.” RALPH WALDO EMERSON

YOU ARE AN OVERCOMER.

YOUR VERY EXISTENCE IS A MIRACLE.

“BEING A SUCCESSFUL PERSON IS NOT NECESSARILY DEFINED BY WHAT YOU HAVE ACHIEVED, BUT BY WHAT YOU HAVE OVERCOME.” FANNIE FLAGG

YOU HAVE SOMETHING THAT ONLY YOU CAN GIFT TO THE WORLD.

YOU ARE LIKE A DIAMOND CREATED TO REFLECT FACETS OF BRILLIANCE THAT ONLY YOU CAN ILLUMINATE. "THERE HAS NEVER BEEN ANOTHER YOU. WITH NO EFFORT ON YOUR PART YOU WERE BORN TO BE SOMETHING VERY SPECIAL AND SET APART. WHAT YOU ARE GOING TO DO IN APPRECIATION OF THAT GIFT IS A DECISION ONLY YOU CAN MAKE."

THERE WILL NEVER BE ANYONE LIKE YOU IN THE FUTURE.

DAN ZADRA

WHOA.

“A POSSIBILITY WAS BORN THE DAY YOU WERE BORN AND IT WILL LIVE AS LONG AS YOU LIVE.” MARCUS SOLERO

ACTIVITY

In addition to journaling with words, you can also do Mindful Doodling! Whether stick figures or intricate designs, release your creativity! Draw Yourself As A House. Then pause and reflect on what your drawing reveals to you about yourself.

Look over the list of words to the right. Circle the words

that highlight in your

heart—words that you like and have positive feelings about when you read them.

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organized

resourceful

respect

adventurous

loving

free

loyal

imaginative

safe

compassion

creative

generous

independent

hard-working

persevere

strong

confident

brilliant

daring

overcoming

friendly

musical

intelligent

responsible

unity

humble

artistic

honest

successful

collaboration

brave

considerate

practical

helpful

ambitious

WORD COLLAGE Write, print out, or cut out words that inspire you from old magazines or the newspaper—words that move you emotionally. (Feel free to include words you circled below)

competitive

mercy

flexible

healthy

humor

energetic

justice

capable

exciting

integrity

determined

trust

dynamic

devoted

spiritual

witty

wisdom

healing

excellence

genuine

fun

tolerant

encourage

kind

wild

peaceful

relaxed

beautiful

protect

action

joyful

faithful

bold

leader

HEY GIRL!

time to get dressed!

hen you get ready in the morning, what is your routine? Of course, getting dressed for the day is part of the plan.

Did you ever consider yourself a princess? Many little girls imagine themselves as a princess—maybe you were one of them, or maybe not. Regardless of whether you can relate to the image of a princess, take a moment to consider looking at yourself as not only a princess, but a warrior princess. You see, we live in a world where there are both good and evil forces at work. You can see this in the daily news. There are great and good things that people do to better society and help people, and then there are issues of corruption, crime, and tragedies. So, in the midst of your teenage life when so much is going on, you need to be aware of this:

THERE IS THE BATTLE YOU MUST FIGHT IN. PRINCESS WARRIOR, PLANT YOUR FEET AND STAND STRONG IN WHAT IS GOOD AND TRUE. Your purpose is worth fighting for, and it is far greater than what your grades are, how great you look in your outfit or new haircut, your accomplishments, or how many awards you have won. That means...you don’t give up even though you might feel like it at times. So, girl, plant your feet on the ground and stand strong. Invest in growing as a person and gain wisdom from trustworthy, mature people around you.

Graphic by Constance Woods / ConstanceWoods.com

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“

We gain strength, and courage, and confidence by each experience in which we really stop to look fear in the face... we must do that which we think we cannot.” ELEANOR ROOSEVELT

“

Never bend your head. Always hold it high. Look the world straight in the eye.” HELEN KELLER

FIGHT FROM A PLACE OF VICTORY. Imagine yourself as a girl with a sword, a Warrior Princess—the perfect combination of beautiful femininity and courageous strength. You are not only a Sweetheart, but you are also a Braveheart. Let’s get dressed ladies!

THREE FIERCE FIGHTERS: WARRIOR PRINCESSES Joni Eareckson was 17 when she misjudged the shallowness of the waters of Chesapeake Bay and took a dive. She severely injured her vertebrae leaving her paralyzed from the shoulders down. After her accident, she struggled with depression, suicidal thoughts, anger, and her spiritual beliefs. However, there finally came a time when she decided to fight for her purpose and refused to give up on life. She learned how to paint by holding a brush in her teeth, she became a singer recording several albums, wrote over 48 books—and even starred in a movie about her life! Among her many accomplishments, she was also awarded many prestigious awards for her work. Joni’s perseverance and ‘fight’ was truly inspirational, touching people all over the world. Malala Yousafzai was 15 when she was shot by the Taliban in Pakistan. Yet that did not silence her voice. She stood strong and courageously continued to be a strong advocate for girls’ education in Pakistan, winning her the Nobel Peace Prize in 2014. Being a fierce ‘warrior princess’ can mean fighting for the welfare of others. 14 year old Trisha Prabhu was so moved when she learned about a girl who killed herself after being bullied online. After many months of research, she invented a product called ReThink, which helps teens who are about to bully someone online, to reconsider such an action. During the test phase on 300 middle school and high schoolers, the results were that 93.4% of students were less likely to post their damaging messages! ReThink was the Grand Prize Winner of Harvard University's President's Innovation Challenge. ReThink has impacted tens of thousands of people! It takes courage to step out on a limb for others, and Trisha did it.

the big reveal Poem by Michele okimura

SHE IS and is becoming… She is a magnificent intention. She is a chest full of treasures and gems. She is a masterpiece being painted. She is a priceless gift given at the perfect time. She is the sunshine on a gloomy day. She is a bundle full of ideas and creativity. Her intelligence sparks innovation and solutions. Her voice is worthy to be heard. Her dreams matter. Her kindness and compassion heals and restores. She is a beacon of hope, integrity, and justice. She ignites joy. She greets each day with positive expectation. She discovers new mountains to conquer. She soars with strength on eagle’s wings. She was born for such a time as this. She is a glorious mystery being revealed. And so much more... Who is this sign and wonder? Yes, she is you!

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ENJOY YOURSELF and BE YOU

REFLECTION What lines from the poem especially touch your heart?

Which lines do you like and aspire to be more of?

Which lines are hard to believe about yourself?

We are all in the process of ‘becoming.’ It is a life-long process, so be intentional yet patient with yourself!

“You alone are enough. You have nothing to prove to anybody.” MAYA ANGELOU

Write down a few lines from the poem that stood out to you and take a minute to meditate on them, soaking them into your heart. Remember, we are all in the process of becoming better versions of ourselves. Even if you could not see yourself in these ways—there is so much potential within you. Remember, growing is a process and takes time and intention.

She Acce

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B RAVE & B EAUTI FU L JOU RN EY: SH E ACCEPTS

“Being authentic begins with unconditional self-acceptance—imperfections and all.” AZIM JAMAL AND BRIAN TRACY

JOU RN EY 01 • CHAPTER 03

epts.

Do you have a difficult time accepting yourself or parts

of yourself? What are barriers that prevent you from fully embracing who you are?

One of the quickest ways to become discouraged, envious, or intimidated is to compare yourself to others. Learn 5 KEYS to accepting yourself and be FREE from the Comparison Trap!

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THE COMPARISON TRAP BY LEILA FUJINAKA CERTIFIED JOHN MAXWELL LEADERSHIP COACH

’m so excited you’ve started your journey!

For many years I damaged my selfesteem by constantly comparing myself to others, and I didn’t even realize it! I often found myself trying to be someone I was not. I denied my true identity and uniqueness by shrinking back and being less just so I could be like the person I compared myself to. I tried to hide my flaws and compared my weaknesses to other people’s strengths. Once I learned about the negative power that comparing myself to others had over me, I searched for keys to break out of this trap and committed to change! This freedom is available to you too.

1. STARVE THE MONSTER: Protect your thoughts from negativity.

Do you define yourself through the lens of a mean inner critic leading you to compare yourself to others?

A negative outlook influences your thoughts and magnifies your shortcomings. This impact is a trap! It can take hold and make it hard for you to change the way you view yourself.

In today’s world, negative influences primarily come from other people, news, media, and social media. In fact, more than 50% of news and 62% of social media is negative! Friends and family can affect your self-esteem and mess with your inner thoughts, leaving you discouraged about your future and life.

2. OWN IT!! MISFIT IS YOUR SWEET SPOT!

Ever feel like a misfit? Do you find when comparing yourself to others you try to copy what others do or think, only to realize that’s just not you?

This is a common pitfall of unique individuals who feel like misfits. They feel like they don’t fit in even when they try their hardest to. Each of us is created to see the world in our own way, with unique ways of thinking or displaying a unique personality. If you find yourself feeling like a fish out of water, find a new stream, one that suits you. If you’ve spent a lot of time comparing yourself to others, it will most likely take a bit of time for you to adjust your perspective and create a new ‘ideal you’. You may discover your true self for the first time!

3. Get personal with gratitude!

Are you aware of how much time is lost when focused on comparing yourself to other people? Comparison takes your eyes off your goals and can cause you to feel bad about how you’re doing. When we focus on other people's paths rather than our own, we lose perspective on where we are headed and lose sight of the progress we’ve made.

Perfection comparison can cause us to feel helpless, stressed, or shameful. However, failures and mistakes, though painful in the moment, can be a great help to us if we’re able to learn from them and make needed adjustments. Everyone experiences failure. If you’ll allow yourself to be mentored by your mistakes, you’ll be further ahead than your counterparts. Give yourself grace and patience in the process. Learn to accept your role in the failure but don’t stew in the negative emotions! You can move forward with more wisdom and insights that you gained.

Take the time to look at what you’ve accomplished so far and measure yourself against yourself, not another person. Be grateful for the many things you have in your life. Trade the trap of comparison for inner acceptance and contentment.

“I did then what I knew how to do. Now that I know better, I do better.” MAYA ANGELOU

4. Pick yourself back up after failure.

5. Seriously! Cultivate self-awareness!

Ouch! Ever made some pretty huge mistakes or experienced painful failures? I have.

Do you find you are defensive? Controlling? Are you unable to recognize how other people experience you?

Have you ever compared yourself to those you think have never made those same mistakes?

When we improve our self-awareness, we find that we will become more comfortable with who we are. Selfawareness is not something you are born with, it’s a skill you practice and develop!

Get this: Embarrassment from a failure is NOT the end of the world!

If you struggle with comparing yourself to others, know that you are not alone in this struggle. Comparison can rear its ugly head at any given moment no matter what age you are, but it doesn’t have to be that way. My greatest joy would be that you would implement some of the points in this article and begin developing selfawareness to know when comparison is trying to hook you once again. You are a powerful, young woman with so much to conquer ahead of you AND so much to offer the world. You do not have to look or be like someone else. In fact, the world is tired of phony. Comparing ourselves pushes us towards being phony. Be on a mission to embrace your unique personality, your unique style, and unique characteristics. There isn’t anyone like you...so live out your uniqueness courageously!

“ “ “

Beauty begins the moment you decide to be yourself.” COCO CHANEL

A flower does not think of competing with the flower next to it. It just blooms.” ZEN SHIN

To be yourself in a world that is constantly trying to make you something else is the greatest accomplishment.” RALPH WALDO EMERSON

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“Don’t let your mind bully your body.” - JUNE TOMASO WOOD

ACCEPT & APPRECIATE YOUR BODY What do you like about your body? What don’t you like about your body?

Some people are blind, deaf, or without limbs. Some people have lost their sense of taste or smell. Some people have heart problems. What would change in your life if you focused on what your body CAN do rather than on your looks?

You may not like certain parts of your body—yet your body, no matter what size, color, or build—is part of who you are. Grow in accepting yourself fully!

BE THANKFUL FOR YOU! Write down 3 things you are thankful for about your physical body : personality :

character :

values :

When thoughts of comparison come up, celebrate the great qualities you already do have!

ACCEPT EVERY PART OF YOU!

“Resolve never to criticize or downgrade yourself, but instead rejoice that you are fearfully and wonderfully made.” – ELIZABETH GEORGE “Change is possible, but it must start with self-acceptance.” – ALEXANDER LOWEN

List 10 things you love about yourself. Do one a day if you want to.

1. I love

2. I love

3. I love

4. I love

5. I love

6. I love

7. I love

8. I love

9. I love

10. I love

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Write down nice things people have said about you. Choose one thing to meditate on each day.

Draw yourself as a flower.

doodle 37

TREASURE BY LEA HANASHIRO

I hate my red, frizzy hair!!!

his was the first thought I had every time I looked in the mirror. I was totally convinced by society that boys were attracted to girls with brown or blonde hair, not red hair. All my friends had blonde or brown hair and boyfriends. So why would a boy ever look at me and say “She’s hot, I wanna go out with her!”? Then came college and I found myself just hoping I would catch someone’s eye enough to ask me out. Every time I would compare myself to another girl, there was always something I wanted to change about me. It took me awhile to realize that I was actually judging my own self! This led me down a road full of fear, negative thoughts, and self-hatred. What was I afraid of? Deep down I was afraid of not being good enough for someone to love. Believing that to be true left me vulnerable to a bad relationship or being taken advantage of! I had to learn new thoughts about myself that would lead me to a place of feeling loved, knowing I am lovable, and believing that there is someone special who would love every part of me. Out of

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these truths, I could live every day more confident in my true self. What is the lie that swarms around you every day when you look at yourself in the mirror or when you compare yourself to the girls around you? What is that lie that keeps you disconnected from people or causes you to be overwhelmed by fear and anxiety rather than being the young and free woman you were created to be? Perhaps you hear this in your head: “I’m not pretty or thin enough to be desired by someone.” Or even “I’m not lovable.” With whatever confusing thoughts you’re struggling with today, I encourage you to focus on the truth that you are a young woman and a treasure worthy to be seen and known by the world.

Ways to Treasure Yourself Treasure your thoughts: Your thoughts are powerful and can inspire

you if you focus on the positive. If you have dark thoughts, you can choose not to dwell on them. You can problem solve, help a friend, innovate, and think of creative ideas—wonderful thoughts that make a difference! Treasure your emotions and feelings: Observe your emotions. Grow in self-awareness of what you are feeling so you can take steps to grow and become emotionally healthy. Pay attention to your intuition—for example, note that gut feeling you have when something seems wrong or dangerous, or an amazing opportunity or idea to act upon! Treasure your body: Although there may be aspects of your body that you may not like, reflect on aspects of your body that you can treasure and be thankful for! Can you see? Some people are blind. Can you hear? Some people are deaf. Can you walk? Some people cannot walk. Can you taste? Some people have lost their sense of taste. Treasure your body.

but I want it!

know. Sometimes it can be hard to accept things the way things are right now, right? Ever feel unsatisfied? Restless? Hopeless? Bored? Ok, let’s be honest. I am sure there are relationships and circumstances in your life that you wish were very different. It can be hard to simply accept things that need to be accepted and find peace in your life. It can be a challenge to be content with your • situation • skills and abilities • looks and personality • wardrobe Let’s admit it! Many of us like nice things, popular things, stylish things, and things that our friends have that we don’t have! We live in a consumer

culture that lures us to always want more, more, more! Wanting more is not necessarily a bad thing, but it can be damaging when our top goals are to fulfill those desires. Through all the life lessons and growing pains we experience, we can attempt to find contentment and peace each day with what we do have. Are you content with who you are and who you are becoming? Yup! There sure is a tension between taking action steps to grow, stretch, improve, and advance, and being at peace and satisfied with how things are. By changing our perspective, we can find peace in the moment and accept what we cannot change... at least right now. There is also the element of patience and timing to consider in our longings.

Seeking to be fulfilled by ‘things’ may give us a temporary high, but in the end it will leave us still thirsty for more. Let’s aim to grow in contentment and gratitude in the midst of our sometimes chaotic world.

“It’s almost impossible to be satisfied in your own life if you’re constantly looking at what someone else has.” RACHEL CRUZE, FINANCIAL EXPERT

“Contentment is not the fulfillment of what you want but the realization of how much you already have.” ANONYMOUS

She Believ

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B RAVE & B EAUTI FU L JOU RN EY: SH E B ELI EVES

"Believe in yourself! Have faith in your abilities!

Without a humble but reasonable confidence in your own

ves.

powers you cannot be successful or happy." NORMAN VINCENT PEALE

JOU RN EY 01 • CHAPTER 04

Declare the following statements, pausing after each one, and allow yourself to feel it!

I am uniquely and wonderfully designed. I am a treasure. I am released to dream. I have permission to be me. I have courage to try new things. I have permission to fail. I learn from my experiences. I am called forth to create good things. I love myself for who I am and who I am becoming. I have greatness within me to make a positive difference.

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The point is, who told you? Was it a family member? Was it a classmate? Was it yourself?

THE TRUTH:

You have immense and incredible value. You were planned and purposed. You are NOT a mistake.

who told you? Exchanging lies for the truth

“

She understood her worth which made her powerful. The world gravely needed a hero so she became one. No superpowers really, just a strong woman who took no nonsense from anyone.” RANDALL CORE

Many of us have grown up having people around us label us, reject us, call us names, and put us down through words and actions. Sometimes we judge ourselves and tell ourselves lies that contradict the truth of our immense and incredible value. Who told you, you weren’t good enough? Who told you, you are worthless? Who told you, you are not loved? Did anyone ever put a negative label on you? “People will try to label you not good enough, too slow, too old, too many mistakes. You can’t stop negative comments or prevent negative labels, but you can choose not to let them hold you back.” JOEL OSTEEN

An experiment was done in a high school class where each student wrote the words, “I am SPECIAL,” on a sheet of paper. In the next 24 hours, if someone said or did something that was

somewhat hurtful, they would tear off a portion of that sheet that represented how much the action or words ripped at the statement that they were special. By the next class period, the students were to share what their sheets looked like. The result was that the vast majority of the class had little, or NO sheets of paper left! Negativity in the world we live in abounds. HOWEVER, we must be careful about judging ourselves and believing lies about who we are. Hold on to the truth that you are special and valued!

Try out this quick activity! You will need two sheets of paper.

1. On one of the sheets of paper, write down a list of negative words you would use to describe yourself (could be words such as ugly, not-good-enough etc.). Write whatever comes to mind. These are negative judgments or labels you have put on yourself. 2. Next, on the other sheet of paper, make a new list of words that are opposite, positive words from the list of negative words you first made. These positive words represent your value and your potential!

3. Next, crumple up the first sheet of paper with the negative words and throw it away. 4. Meditate on the list of positive words and for each word, say, “I am .” Declare the positive about yourself. Even if you don’t quite believe the statements fully, there is power in you speaking out these positive statements! You want to renew your mind in how you think about yourself. The negative beliefs only serve to hinder your amazing potential within you!

Jot down 3 of your favorite positive, affirming words in this box:

FASHIONED FOR LOVE BY NANCY VUU

Nancy Vuu is a Dreamer. Because she dreams, profound creativity is expressed through her luxury fashion brand. Nancy Vuu Inc. Couture Designs continues to grace red-carpet events such as the Grammy’s, American Music Awards, and films. In addition, her designs have been featured in Vogue, Harper’s Bazaar and Elle magazines around the globe.

Now she shares her story with Brave & Beautiful on how she found her true value and worth that “qualifies the un-qualified to greatness.”

fashion. It all began when I was a young girl. I dreamed of one day becoming a fashion designer. As I grew up, I forgot about this dream. One day, everything changed as I was reminded of my dream while attending a women’s conference where I had a profound spiritual experience! Suddenly, in this room filled with thousands of women, I heard an audible voice asking, “Do you know your daughter?” When the voice spoke, immediately everything shut down, I could not see or hear anyone or anything else in the room. All I could hear was this voice, and I saw a vision of a big scroll roll out in front of my eyes. As the scroll opened, I saw my older daughter’s face. I replied, “Of course I know my daughter, that’s Isabella.” The voice replied, “Well, your daughter, along with every other little girl in America, dreams of wearing these exquisite gowns simply to be a princess. Then I saw my daughter twirling with the most exquisite gown. I replied, “That’s so true!” Every girl wants to be a princess who is loved, valued, and has dignity.

Hello Brave & Beautiful one! I am so excited to share with you how an ordinary girl like me who did not qualify as ‘great’ in the public eye, became a special ambassador in the world of

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The voice came back and asked, “What about all the other children in the world who all long to be a princess, but they can’t even fathom wearing a gown. They are thinking about whether or not they

are going to live, have food, and shelter.” Then I saw children from all different nations who were very sick, who did not have food or water. These children were abandoned and abused. My heart sunk as I felt like I was carrying the weight of the world. The voice came back again, and instructed me, “Start designing, and tell these little girls that no matter what their circumstances are, they are loved and are true princesses! At this point, I did not know how to sew or know anyone in the fashion industry, but I replied, “Wow! What a great idea!” My heart said a big “yes” to the dream. I now work in the fashion industry to clothe children and young ladies to remind them of their incredible true value and immense worth! To this day, I still do not know how to sew, but I have been on wonderful adventures where I have the privilege to clothe young ladies like yourself, celebrities, and royal family members. It’s not only our own gifts and talents that qualify us to do great works. Yes, we can use those things too, but it is our love for others and our calling to a higher purpose that qualifies us. Though I had forgotten about my dreams of becoming a fashion designer as a little girl, my dream came back to

myself. I said, “No, that will never happen. I’m not even a real designer and I don’t even know how to sew!” But in that moment, that same voice that I heard the day at the conference spoke again to me saying, “No! You are a designer. I made you to be a designer, now move in your role!” Immediately when I heard those words, it was as if a blanket of truth and identity floated from the sky and gently fell on me. I was able to believe that I was meant to be a fashion designer and knowing this has enabled me to walk out my purpose and destiny with confidence and perseverance. How many times have we let our friends, family or the world rob us of this truth? Or even worse, how many times have we disqualified ourselves? We must learn how to silence the lies that say we are not good enough. Instead, we need to believe that we are precious treasures, and we have something beautiful and brilliant to give to this world. Do you know what you were made for? I firmly believe you are fashioned for love and greatness. Believe that you have a noble purpose and that you have a hope and a future worth pursuing. I declare to you: “May you go forth in strength & courage to pursue your dreams and calling!” life years later! I now know my calling and purpose to fulfill this amazing dream. I believe the dreams and passions we have reside deep within us – we just need to discover them over time. I want to encourage you to share your dreams with your parents or trusted

mentor and explore ways to pursue your dreams in an honorable way. You are fashioned for love and greatness! I remember one time; I experienced another vision of being a worldrenowned designer styling royal families. I rejected the vision at first. I disqualified

Be BY NANCY VUU

This Brave and Beautiful being you see here is an inspired vision I had of a young girl entering womanhood. I saw her clothed in the exquisite beauty and extravagance of the finest garden. Grace and strength were upon her, and she had no fear of the future as she held a sword representing truth and proudly wore her golden crown. She knew how to walk in her power as a confident, wise, and brave young woman. She also knew when to stand firm in what is good and true. She was a mighty princess warrior. Wherever she went, she released beauty and strength to the world. This Brave and Beautiful being lives within us. She is you. She is me. She is clothed in roses & flowers. Her couture garden gown reminds us that we are like a garden full of luscious life within us. She displays unmatched beauty because her beauty is one-of-a-kind and unique to her. She is adorned with a crown as her immense value is etched in her mind and heart. She carries a sword of truth that disarms the negative attacks that come against her. She moves forward in combat boots ready,

Credits: Creative Director: Nancy Vuu www.nancyvuu.com info@nancyvuu.com Illustrator: H. Ashour

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On page 48, color this same image and bring it to life in your own way. It can symbolically represent brave and beautiful you!

prepared and positioned to flow in fierce love, greatness, and victory. Her body and hair is made of olive leaves that bring healing and comfort to herself, her family, her community and to the nations. May the brave and beautiful spirit within you arise, for you are born and positioned for such a time as this to your generation. May you radiate LOVE & GREATNESS to those around you!

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Reflect and journal any insights you gained while coloring the previous page. Why did you choose those particular colors as you brought your image to life? In what ways does this image depict beauty and bravery to you? Journal freely!

YOU ARE AN IMPORTANT PIECE BY MARGARET VESNEFSKI

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n 7th grade my family and I moved from Southern California to Taipei, Taiwan where my parents grew up. I was completely devastated. I had finally found my group of friends and the thought of making new friends in a foreign place sounded next to impossible.

Barely into the first three months of starting school, I was off to a record start. Within a short span of time, I had managed to projectile vomit all over the screen in health class while trying to run out of the room with my hands unsuccessfully covering my mouth. Weeks later, feeling like I missed the bandwagon on getting my period when it happened to all the girls around me, I suddenly felt a gushing sensation in my panties in English class. When I looked down, I had leaked blood onto my floral pink jumper and left an obvious stain on the beige chair when I got up. Back then, it seemed like everything terrible happened to me more than anyone else. All I longed for was to fit in and not to stand out. But for whatever reason, I kept standing out in all the ways I didn’t want to. The more I tried to be like everyone else, the more it would backfire. I even got a boyfriend, held hands, and played truth or dare because I thought that was what I was supposed to do. Instead, I was constantly getting my feelings hurt. Since my parents weren’t home that often, I would blast

my music and cry in the bathroom so no one could hear me. I felt like I was an awkward piece of a jigsaw puzzle that was put in the wrong box. Years later, I began noticing this phenomenon—things happened backwards for me! Hard things were easy, and simple things that made sense to others were hard for me. Sometimes, I would struggle with an overwhelming sense of loneliness, and I would feel it the most when I was surrounded by my family. I always felt like I wanted to escape somehow. However, I began to take notice of the times I did make positive contributions that mattered to others around me. Overtime, I came to realize that I am an important piece in this world! Sometimes you may question why you are a certain way in your personality, your physical attributes, and even the family you are born into. I want to encourage you that you are an important piece that can specifically influence others, change lives, and impact the world. So hang on to all the spaces and places in you that you might not like at the moment or think are special. Be patient with yourself.

“

All of us, at some time or other, need help. Whether we're giving or receiving help, each one of us has something valuable to bring to this world. That's one of the things that connects us as neighbors— in our own way, each one of us is a giver and a receiver.” FRED ROGERS

IS A JIGSAW PUZZLE COMPLETE WITH ONE PIECE MISSING? NO. “You are part of a puzzle in someone's life. You may never know where you fit. But, someone's life may never be complete without you in it.” ANONYMOUS

You are an ever-blooming, unique, and stunning masterpiece!

“I am not concerned with outer obstacles, only the inner ones.” ANNE COLEMAN LADD, SCULPTOR

BRAVE & BEAUTIFUL

t u o h s ut! o

I AM Declarations Take a moment in silence. Close your eyes. Think about positive words you would love to believe

more about yourself. Write down positive words or descriptions. Examples: I am courageous. I am

loved. I am a light like the brightest star in a dark night. Quickly write down whatever positive words come into your mind!

After you are done writing, speak these statements out loud regularly. This can help solidify the truth of your value and help you to believe! There is power in your written and spoken words.

I am I am I am I am I am I am I am

M IND F UL LET T ERING Trace the lettering - it does not have to be perfect! Enjoy the process of creative lettering

BRAVE & BEAUTIFUL

Action Steps

YOU GO GIRL! LET’S WALK IT OUT. she is Brave & Beautiful you!

••

She is BRAVE AND BEAUTIFUL. She DISCOVERS. She ACCEPTS. She BELIEVES.

CHOOSE ONE OR MORE OF THE FOLLOWING ACTIONS STEPS:

1. In Ghana, West Africa, it is customary for people

to say, “It’s true. Thank you!” whenever someone

3. Create an identity statement—one sentence that

reflects at least one of the many facets of who you

compliments them on anything. The next time

aspire to be. Make it a positive statement, as you

someone gives you compliment, respond by saying,

are a gift to this world. After writing it, say it out

“Thank you!” In this way, you can pro-actively affirm

loud daily for one whole month. You may decide to

your value and worth. A compliment is like a gift, so

continue this activity each month with a new positive

receive it with gratitude and do not reject it!

statement. Using a word-picture like an animal or

2. Write in depth for 5-10 minutes about one of the values that you hold dear. It could be you value

family, a loyal friend, a skill or talent you have, or an attribute like honesty or justice—anything in particular that you value. OR Make a list of the values that are most important to you. This affirmation activity can help you to believe that you have immense worth. What you value matters—it is part of

object can be helpful in communicating your heart. Examples of this are: • I am sunshine giving hope to the hopeless. • I am a lioness that is brave and protects the weak. • I am a creative problem solver that makes a difference.

your identity and your contribution to the world!

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PART 2

You have a voice that is meant to be heard. Finding your own roar and unique expression is a

Do you make space for rest that restores and refreshes

journey and a process of discovery. You have a voice

your weary body and soul? Giving yourself that much-

literally and figuratively to make a positive difference

needed pause to reflect and restore your balance and

and declare what is good and true in this world!

positive energy is wise and healthy!

You are meant to express yourself!

Welcome to this second section of Brave and Beautiful

You were designed to express yourself in sometimes quiet, unassuming, tender ways, and other times loud, bold, and public ways. You never know when one of your spontaneous, profound moments will reveal the

where you will be encouraged and learn ways to embrace and treasure: • more of YOU and the unique ways YOU enjoy expressing yourself

treasures inside of you.

• the practice of rest

You were meant to sparkle!

Continue your journey with positive expectation.

You will gain ways to celebrate your unique and beautiful sparkle. You. A radiant, shining star. Sparkle! Glitter! Glow! Twinkle! Go light up this world!

What treasures will you discover? May your eyes and ears be attentive, so you won’t miss the gems along your path!

You also have a mind and body that are meant to have a rhythm of rest. Let’s pause.

“When the whole world is silent, even one voice can be powerful.”

It may seem unnatural or uncomfortable to prioritize

MALALA YOUSAFZAI

rest, since many of our lives are immersed in the hustle. Some of us may even crave the hustle and feel compelled to always run at full speed. We live in a world full of distractions, pressures, expectations, and unexpected trials. It can be second nature for us to want to always pursue the next thing! Other priorities often compete with what is most healthy for us.

BRAVE & BEAUTIFUL

She She She

Expresses Sparkles Rests

She Expres

BRAVE & BEAUTIFUL

B RAVE & B EAUTI FU L JOU RN EY: SH E EXPRESSES

You have a voice. Nobody else on the planet

has your unique voice, your mind, your heart,

your story, or your hopes and dreams.

JOU RN EY 01 • CHAPTER 05

sses.

seven ways to express you! Write it! Draw it! Paint it! Make it! Dance it! Capture it!

ou are unique. And how you love to naturally express yourself will be unique too. Sometimes just talking out your thoughts or feelings can’t seem to fully express what is in your heart—but maybe baking a dessert, singing a song, painting a picture, dancing it out, or taking a photo hits the spot!

1. Write a poem

Maybe you want to express a value, conviction, a certain positive message to others or maybe just something private for yourself.

It can rhyme or not rhyme. It can follow a pattern or not.

Journaling is always a great ‘go to’ way to express yourself, but sometimes journaling sentences may not quite do it for you. But writing a poem, for instance...maybe then the words might flow out like a river. Here are some possible ways you can explore expressing yourself. Why not try some new expressions? You may just discover something new about yourself!

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Poetry can allow you to freely express your feelings without the constraints of needing to use correct grammar. You can even make your poem into something artistic to look at. One word repeated, or a phrase or question can be expressed randomly. Be inspired and freely write!

Poetry can be especially helpful to write during intense, sad, and difficult times or immense, joyful times because it can help you release those deep, dark or excited and exuberant feelings you have.

volumes and move the heart. Photos and videos often can be a blessing to others. Capture a moment by taking a photo or video with your smartphone or camera when something is highlighted to you or when you are inspired to do so. Attach a meaning to that moment. Consider taking a moment to interpret the photo as it can express an inspirational message.

3. paint or sketch it

Painting or sketching can be a great way to express yourself. Whether you are more realistic or abstract, there are no rules! Even painting a canvas one color can mean something to you!

2. film it or take a photo

You can express yourself in a multitude of ways! It has been said, “A picture is worth a thousand words.”

The famous artist Pablo Picasso said, “Every child is an artist. The problem is how to remain an artist once he grows up.”

A photo or a video captures a moment, and the interpretation of it can speak

Unlike what teachers can sometimes teach you about coloring within the

lines, I challenge you to color outside of the lines! Expand the possibilities! There are no rules when you are creating a painting or sketch—be as free and as wild as you want to be! Have courage to express yourself through this visual way. Try releasing your feelings and thoughts in this way and see what happens. Have fun experimenting!

4. make it

Maybe some of you like to build things, sculpt things, produce a film, bake things, put together something graphically, or craft things...the list goes on! Something you make can express your thoughts and emotions in a tangible, symbolic way—especially if you like to work with your hands. Many different types of materials or media can be used! How you decorate cookies or cupcakes can also be considered mini sculptures. Arranging flowers from your garden can express a message using the colors and designs you choose! There are unlimited

ways to express a thought or emotion through your ‘creations.’ Attach meaning to them.

5. dance it

For some of us, dancing it out releases what is inside of us! Whether hip hop, popping, ballet, hula, jazz, lyrical styles, contemporary or cultural dances... or just however—go for it! You don’t have to be a professional to dance. It is interesting that you don’t have to ‘teach’ a toddler to dance—they just start moving their bodies to the beat of a song. Most cultures, if not every culture, have their own form of dance. Maybe we were all made to dance in our own way? Dancing does not always need to be a formal performance in front of people. It can be an authentic expression from within. Consider playing a favorite song that expresses your emotions and dance to it! Even doing a ‘happy dance’ for a few minutes when something amazing

happens can bring a release of the joy inside of you.

6. play your instrument or sing a song

Making melody can be an effective way to express our hearts. Singing a sad song when we are sad or singing a happy song when we are happy can bring great expression. Playing a beat on a drum can express joy or anger—or playing a certain melody on any instrument can be a ‘voice’ that can powerfully and simply express our heart and mind without words. Play whatever melody comes out freely. Or sing a song while just making up the melody and words in the moment. Explore new ways of expressing yourself through music.

7. write a story or a script

Whether writing a fictional story to express yourself or journaling a real account with real emotions, writing can get what is inside of you onto paper.

express yourself. You have a story to tell...

You have a voice.

“I want to write, but more than that I want to bring out all kinds of things that lie buried deep in my heart. I can shake off everything as I write; my sorrows disappear, my courage is reborn.”

Keep this in mind as you go through Brave and Beautiful.

ANNE FRANK, DIARIST

Journaling, writing down your thoughts, is one of the most profound practices! It can help you connect with your deepest feelings and help process and work out difficult, even painful situations. It may help you discover creative solutions and fresh insights you didn’t know you had within you. It also is recording your story, your personal history, that is being written with each new day.

BRAVE & BEAUTIFUL

We know your life can be busy and it is challenging to start a new habit, but journaling can change your life! Whether you journal on your computer or write with pen and paper, you can start with simple and small baby steps.

From whispers to a roar Just maybe your soft whispers will turn into a mighty roar that impacts this world in ways you couldn’t even imagine

•

HOW TO BEGIN

•

Start with writing about anything you want to write about.

•

Reflect on your day.

Pick a time of day that is best for you to write.

•

What are your feelings and thoughts?

•

If you don’t know how to begin, make a list of things you are grateful for.

“Owning our story and loving ourselves through that process is the bravest thing we’ll ever do.” - Brené Brown THE POWER OF YOUR STORY Think back over the different stages of your life. Recall significant and memorable experiences. The events in your unique life story shaped who you are today. On this timeline, from birth to present, graph and label 3-5 significant events in your life that are positive memories. Also mark and label 3-5 significant negative events in your life that had caused you emotional pain. • What were your greatest successes? • Was it an individual success or a team success? • When did you feel most excited? Recall the greatest challenges and painful times you had to overcome.

BIRTH

PRESENT

*Use the space above and below the timeline for your recordings.

How did you feel doing this timeline activity?

How did each experience change you? What did you learn from each experience you recorded?

Looking at your timeline, you see the hills and valleys of life you experienced. Do you notice any themes or patterns? If so, make note of them here:

BRAVE & BEAUTIFUL

“Vulnerability is the center of shame, scarcity, fear, anxiety, and uncertainty. But it is also the birthplace of love, belonging, and joy.” - Brené Brown

Meditate on your timeline for a moment. Do you notice anything? Is there something you never saw or realized before? If so, what is highlighted to you?

COURAGE TO BE VULNERABLE It can be scary to reveal our personal secrets or things about ourselves that we would rather hide from others. It takes courage to express such details. Being vulnerable and sharing transparently with safe, trustworthy people builds connections that can heal and lift off toxic shame from our lives. Being vulnerable can give us the help and strength we need to blossom in life!! It is a powerful and meaningful experience to feel heard—for someone to know the good, the bad, and even the ugly about your life, and still love and accept you without judgment. When this happens, we can experience tangible love through someone else. So how do you know when to share and with whom? The following are some helpful clues to know some of the characteristics of a safe person. • Someone who is non-judgmental and accepts you as you are • Someone who will speak the truth in love to you • Someone who loves you no matter what you do • Someone who you feel comfortable being yourself with • Someone who believes in you • Someone who is encouraging and comforting • Someone who is a good listener • Someone who can keep what you share confidential (not someone who gossips) Vulnerably expressing yourself to people with whom you feel safe, such as a parent, close family member, close friend, mentor, or counselor, can bring you the support needed to navigate through the twists and turns of life.

fun & fearless fashionista! How we dress expresses something unique about us.

e all have our own style of dress. What is your favorite outfit? Some of us go for comfort and like the casual, sporty, simple or free-spirited look, some of us like to dress creatively, some like the well-tailored look, some of us like the frilly dresses. We each express ourselves uniquely.

Ever wonder how the way we dress may tie into our own desires to be noticed? For some of us, we can dress to impress, to get noticed, or to feel like we belong. You can be beautifully stylish on the outside, but how are you ‘clothed’ on the inside?

“Beauty is a radiance that originates from within and comes from inner security and strong character.” JANE SEYMOUR

How about ‘clothing’ yourself with the following:

compassion kindness humility

gentleness patience forgiveness

love strength dignity

Look carefully at the list above that describe some facets of inner beauty. Out of the list above, what are the attributes that you easily display? Which aspects would you like to grow in? Think of someone you would describe as having a beautiful heart or radiates a noticeable inner beauty and elegance. Let your inner beauty shine brightly. Outer beauty will fade over time with age, but inner beauty can last a lifetime, touch lives, and leave a meaningful legacy.

BRAVE & BEAUTIFUL

May you radiate the sunshine within you! Be uniquely stylish! ‘Clothe’ yourself with the right things!

JOURNAL Out of the list below, what are the top three attributes you feel you need to ‘clothe’ yourself with today?

*compassion * kindness * humility * gentleness * patience * forgiveness * love * strength * dignity

Take a moment to reflect on how you can creatively express these attributes this week. Briefly journal your plan of actions here:

THE POWER OF WORDS BY FIONA CUSTER

’m not sure when I started journaling, but I remember doing it as a tween. I had so many thoughts and feelings bottled up that needed to spill out somehow, and typically they found their way into the world through words on a page. I started a lot of entries with “Dear Fiona…” followed by questions to my future self, such as, “Did you ever meet your celebrity crush? Did you get married?” I also journaled a lot about the feelings I had about my parents and my friends. Sometimes I would even write entries that were like poems, creatively expressing my deep love and gratitude for different moments I’d had in life. I loved using words to express myself.

As I got older, I realized that I also loved using words to express how I felt about my friends or boyfriends. I would write notes, long emails or just tell those closest to me how much I loved or appreciated them. In my early adult years, I found myself in jobs where powerful and convincing words were keys to success. Whether I was selling clothes, helping people choose which meal to order as a server, or guiding women to find the right skincare, words mattered. One of my favorite ways

BRAVE & BEAUTIFUL

to use the gift of words was to coach women through childbirth. I was a doula (labor coach) for seven years. Through words, I was able to empower, encourage and surround women with the support they needed to bring their little ones earth side. On my way to each birth, I always sought wisdom for the right words at the right time. Specific words affect people in specific ways. I wanted to be sure to use the best words for each mom as I served them with my presence and words while they gave birth. And you know what’s awesome? You can tap into the gift and power of your words right NOW! Your words can make an impact. There are people all around you that are desperate to hear encouragement, truth, hope and joy. We are all given the responsibility to steward our words wisely. Words can leave an imprint on someone’s heart for their entire life. The good ones and most definitely the bad ones. You can use your gift of words creatively in so many ways - either to build up those around you or tear them down. Be mindful of when negative or hurtful

words want to flow out of you. Once they are out, they can never be brought back in. Words have power to give life, create realities, and damage hearts… sometimes for years to come. Perhaps there is someone in your life right now who needs a word of encouragement. Don’t feel limited in how you can use your words. You could write stories that speak of the wonder of life. You could write poems to share with anyone who has meant something to you. You could write songs or make videos to express yourself or to share what you are learning right now. You could teach and instruct those around you with your words. The options are endless, you have been designed in a unique way. You see the world through eyes that have been wonderfully made.

We need your perspective; you are not a mistake. Never discount your thoughts and ideas. If you feel unsure or nervous about writing, I encourage you to just begin writing in a journal or notebook. Try expressing yourself in a private way and it will prepare you for more public expressions if that should be how you are led to share. We have all been given minds to create sentences and thoughts for a reason. As we walk through our years here on earth, we should aspire to be life givers and life makers in all that we say and do. There is an awesome acronym that you can take with you and apply to all your words as you express them in a multitude of ways.

“

The acronym is T.H.I.N.K. T – Is it True? Are the words that are about to cross your tongue or fingertips, truthful? If not, evaluate why you may want to share a lie. H – Is it Helpful? Will your words aid someone on their way through life or hinder them? I – Is it Inspiring? There are plenty of negative words coming out of other people’s mouths. Be the change! Be the difference! Commit to a life that inspires others! N – Is it Necessary? Some comments and opinions are better left in our heads. I struggle with this one. Snarky comments want to spring from my mouth before I can stop them. K – Is it Kind? Unkind words can sink deep and last a lifetime. Let’s not add to the criticism that some choose to spew from their mouths. Choose to build others up! May this handy acronym come to mind as you exercise your gift of words in this world, online and in person. Never forget how powerful your words are, they may be easy to say or write but the effect of them has the potential to last a lifetime!

Throughout human history, our greatest leaders and thinkers have used the power of words to transform our emotions, to enlist us in their causes, and to shape the course of destiny. Words can not only create emotions, they create actions. And from our actions flow the results of our lives.” TONY ROBBINS

“

Be mindful when it comes to your words. A string of some that don’t mean much to you may stick with someone for a lifetime.” RACHEL WOLCHIN

“

Words are containers for power, you choose what kind of power they carry.” JOYCE MEYER

She Spark

BRAVE & BEAUTIFUL

B RAVE & B EAUTI FU L JOU RN EY: SH E SPARKLES

“Precious jewel, you glow, you shine,

reflecting all the good things in the world.

Just look at yourself.” MAYA ANGELOU

JOU RN EY 01 • CHAPTER 06

kles.

sparkle! The world needs your twinkling. How many people do you think would be affected if you turned off your shining light? The truth is, you have no idea how many lives your sparkle will inspire and impact in your lifetime! Will you go past your comfort zone and step bravely into the unknown to sparkle more of who you are—a gift to this world? The choice is yours. The moments you do step out are moments to celebrate—there is no growth without risk!

DISCOVER / ACCEPT / EMBRACE / CELEBRATE YOU! There are so many various temperament and personality tests you can take to discover more of your design that are worth taking. Some are even free online! Explore and take some of those tests to discover more of who you are, who you are not, and your strengths and weaknesses. You will be continually changing, maturing, and blossoming forth throughout your life. Know that you have a unique and specific design that you will continually grow into more as you mature! It will be a process and an interesting journey as you discover the facets of your own sparkle and live it out!

We each have unique… • personalities and temperaments • past experiences • insights and knowledge • ways we think about things • gifts, talents, and abilities • strengths and weaknesses • callings and destinies • passions and creative expressions And so much more!

"Maybe our sparkle comes from somewhere deeper inside, somewhere so pure and authentic and real, it doesn't need gloss or polish or glitter to shine." MANDY HALE

"A generous heart, a spontaneous smile, and eyes that sparkle with delight can be part of any woman's signature look once she awakens to her authentic beauty." SARAH BAN BREATHNACH

"Every day is a great day to give love, spread joy, and sparkle!" SHERI FINK

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ACTIVITY Let’s have some fun! Take a look at these four common groupings of traits that generally separate personality types (of course we can have traits in more than one group, but we usually will relate strongest to one type). Note that the Myer Briggs personality test has broken it down further to 16 personality types and combinations! Which one do you most identify with?

• ANALYTICAL • ORGANIZED • PERFECTIONIST • ORDERLY AND FACTUAL • LOVES ROUTINE • PROMPT/MEETS DEADLINES • RESERVED • PERSEVERING • INQUISITIVE • DETAILED AND METICULOUS

• FEELS EMOTIONS • FRIENDLY AND RELATIONAL • TEAM-ORIENTED • EASY GOING AND NON-DEMANDING • GOOD LISTENER • CARES A LOT ABOUT WHAT PEOPLE THINK OF THEM • VALUES HARMONY • LOYAL • TENDS TO WANT TO AVOID CONFLICT • SYMPATHETIC AND NURTURING

• TASK-ORIENTED • DOES WELL UNDER PRESSURE • NATURAL LEADER – TAKES CHARGE • COMPETITIVE • DECISIVE AND BOLD • COMMUNICATES TO THE POINT • TENDS TO DIRECTLY CONFRONT WHEN IN A CONFLICT • ENJOYS CHALLENGES • SELF-RELIANT

• ADVENTUROUS • NATURAL PROMOTER AND MOTIVATOR • ENERGETIC • ENJOYS BEING SPONTANEOUS • FREE-SPIRITED • TAKES RISKS • VERY VERBAL AND MIXES EASILY • NATURAL VISIONARY • OPTIMISTIC • LIKES VARIETY

WHAT ARE SOME THINGS THAT YOU ARE PASSIONATE ABOUT?

How many people does it take to make a difference? One.

One song can spark a moment, One flower can wake the dream. One tree can start a forest, One bird can herald spring. One smile begins a friendship, One handclasp lifts a soul.

One candle wipes out darkness, One laugh will conquer gloom. One step must start each journey, One word must start a prayer. One hope will raise our spirits, One touch can show you care.

One star can guide a ship at sea, One word can frame a goal. One vote can change a nation, One sunbeam lights a room.

One voice can speak with wisdom, One heart can know what’s true. One life can make a difference, That difference starts with you. -UNKNOWN

ACTIVITY: Briefly list down 1-3 recollections of a specific moment or moments in time that impacted you for the better. ONE moment’s experience can be unforgettable and impactful.

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pssst!

secrets for shining “It is our privilege and our adventure to discover our own special light.” MARY DUNBAR

“Shine with all you have.” KATELYN S. IRONS

Are you ready for more blooming? You can tear this out or take a photo of this to remind yourself of these stepping stones that will point you in the right direction!

1.GROWING IS GOOD!

Be teachable. Be humble enough to grow from every experience. With our many imperfections, we are all in the process of maturing. What can you learn from your circumstances? Are you growing in compassion? Confidence? Reflect on this and be gentle and patient with yourself in the process. “Do the best you can until you know better. Then when you know better, do better.” MAYA ANGELOU

2. CARE FOR your emotional health

Practice self-care. Love and value yourself in healthy ways. Take time to do activities that fill you up, refresh you, and give you peace. Take steps to grow in emotional health. If you have experienced any trauma, or are struggling with ongoing depression or anxiety, get help for your healing!

3.care for your body Grow in taking care of your body to keep it healthy, strong, and energized. When you are drained and burnt out, it is difficult to sparkle. However, when you have a zest for life, you will naturally be an uplifting source of encouragement to others. Our emotional and physical health are interrelated.

4.FIND YOUR TRUE FRIENDS

Some friends build you up while others can drain your energy. Reflect on the advice your close friends are giving you. Are they safe, wise, and trustworthy? Do they want what’s best for you? Consider their maturity and character before giving them your ear on important matters. Good friends lift you up. Sometimes it can be a painful, lonely season trying to find true friends. If this is you, continue to persevere in seeking out good friends. At the same time, we can all work on becoming that true friend to others!

5.PASSION AND FOCUS

Seek to discover activities you enjoy and look for opportunities to dive in! You have unique interests, skills, gifts, and talents! Explore things that interest you. Do more of what you love. “Find something you’re passionate about and keep tremendously interested in it.” JULIA CHILD

6.STAY TRUE TO YOU

We all have those moments when we find ourselves comparing ourselves to someone, experiencing rejection, or feeling intimidated by someone due to their status, looks, or otherwise. The desire to please others to fit in and belong is real! Staying true to yourself can be easier said than done. Continue

to practice being your most authentic, genuine self and seek out friends who appreciate you for being you!

7.challenge yourself

Challenge yourself with a new goal or pursue something new in life. When you are expanding your capacity and are growing, this can give you a great sense of fulfillment and purpose, enabling you to glitter and shimmer in new ways. You are more capable than you think! Start with just one goal—one change you make daily can make all the difference!

8.KEEP YOUR SENSE OF HUMOR

Don’t forget to the keep the fun factor in your life. It is always good from time to time to do something fun that brings laughter and a sense of childlike joy. Sometimes as we are growing up, we can take life so seriously and forget how to be lighthearted and childlike. When was the last time you acted silly or goofy—or did a happy dance when something great happened! How has your sense of humor been lately? Being able to relax and have a good laugh can restore that twinkle in your eye!

9.be others focused

You can intentionally be the source of goodness and light in someone else’s life each day. Smile more. Give compliments, and positively affirm others—your words are powerful. Many people go for days, weeks, or months without receiving any words of affirmation that validate the facts that they matter and are seen and noticed. Your acts of service and kindness expressed to others shine out rays of sunshine to the world. As you give out goodness to others, you receive back encouragement and joy that will fuel your inner flame to shine brighter.

She R

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B RAVE & B EAUTI FU L JOU RN EY: SH E RESTS

“When you rest, you catch your breath and it holds you up, like water wings…” ANNE LAMOTT

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Rests.

the rhythm of rest. Fast. Fast. And fast! Sometimes, life can so busy and fast paced!

If we keep going non-stop, we can end up being less productive in the long run!

Rest. Yeah...but when am I going to find time to do that? And how much is too much rest when things gotta get done?

MENTAL REST

How do we slow down in a sometimes fast-paced world with school, family obligations, time with friends and activities? The answer is not always easy. It is good to value time to restore and refresh. Taking time out to rest is often not something that many of us naturally make time to do.

PHYSICAL REST

Why is getting a good night’s sleep important? A good, nightly rest can benefit us by: • helping us to have sharp thinking and good memory • regulating our mood • giving us physical strength to perform better in physical activities • keeping our natural immunity to illness strong

Our brains need rest in order to gain fresh perspectives and to be able to come up with innovative ideas. When possible, take a 15 minute power nap (set your alarm) the next time you feel sluggish. A power nap can help to reset your brain. Take part in healthy activities that rest your brain from analytical thinking. Sometimes doing non-linear activities like walking your dog, washing dishes, listening to music, or looking at artwork can help! Say no to sensory overload! Give your senses a rest as well from smartphone notification sounds and device screens by turning off your devices during times of relaxation. Rest allows our body, mind, and spirit to renew, refresh, and be restored so we can approach our life once again with renewed energy, strength, and focus.

HERE ARE SOME ‘REST-FULL’ ACTIVITIES YOU CAN START DOING TODAY! • Plan a time of quiet that can include journaling or reading (take a break from looking at your phone, computer, or the television). • Carve out regular time to rest that is unplanned and unstructured—a time to rest your brain and body. • Plan a time for recreational rest! What do you like to do for fun? What activities do you enjoy

doing that does not require a lot of mental and emotional energy? • Plan times to be in nature. Be in places with natural surroundings (could be your favorite park or take a walk where you see nature around you). Such activity can refresh us physically, mentally, and emotionally. For example, you could take a walk, lie down and watch the clouds, watch the sunset, hike, or swim in the ocean or lake.

• How about sitting or lying down in silence daily for 3-5 minutes? Taking a moment to rest your mind can require effort but can give you a moment of rest for your brain and body. • Aim to enter into a restful place once a week to refresh to thrive and be healthy!

“Real rest feels like every cell is thanking you for taking care of you. It’s calm, not full of checklists and chores. It’s simple: not multitasking; not fixing broken things.” JENNIFER WILLIAMSON

BRAVE & BEAUTIFUL

Don’t forget to

breathe. breathe.

breathe again.

BE FILLED WITH PEACE Did you know that deep breathing can actually calm you down? It can help clear your mind and give your brain a reset. We rarely use our full lung capacity when we breathe normally. Deep breathing gives our body a good dose of the much needed oxygen that our bodies need to thrive.

TRY THIS RIGHT NOW: 1.

Find a comfortable position.

2. Close your eyes. 3. Put one hand gently on your heart and the other on your belly. Take a slow deep breathe for about 3-4 seconds, inhaling through your nose. Your belly, not your chest, should expand. 4. Exhale slowly for 6-7 seconds through your mouth. 5. Repeat a few to several times depending how you feel. Try doing deep breathing at least once to a few times throughout the day and see how you feel, especially when you are stressed! TIP: You can practice deep breathing when you are waiting for someone or something or to simply to take a brief break from doing your homework or an activity!

TRY THIS ACTIVITY: 1.

Find a place where you can be alone and rest, preferably in a lying down position.

2. Play some peaceful instrumental music. 3. Take 3 deep breaths, slowly exhaling. You could imagine a peaceful place in your mind. 4. Try not to think about things that cause you to feel anxious, such as dwelling on a problem. Just rest and relax for several minutes. 5. After your time of resting, you can journal any thoughts that come to your mind. Enjoy the moment of resting your body, mind, soul, and spirit. This can be a great activity to do daily—whether it be for just 5 minutes or longer! Breathe and just be.

“Most of the things we need to be most fully alive never come in busyness. They grow in rest.” - Mark Buchanan “Your calm mind is the ultimate weapon against your challenges.” — Bryant McGill, Social Entrepreneur

There is something infinitely healing in the repeated refrains of nature—the assurance that dawn comes after night, and spring after winter.” RACHEL CARSON

resting in nature

ake time to rest in nature. When you gaze at trees, the ocean waves, flowers, or various animals, you can make connections to a meaningful message. For example, when looking at a huge tree, you could be inspired to be like a shade tree to people, being a safe place—like how the birds make their nests in the branches of the trees. When looking at the vast ocean, you could get an inspirational thought that a problem you are wrestling with is actually a small thing in the context of the vastness of your whole life. We can gain positive perspectives when in the posture of rest!

“Look deep into nature, and then you will understand everything better.” ALBERT EINSTEIN

We can soak in the beauty of nature through the sights, sounds, smells, and our sense of touch. Just being in natural surroundings can help reduce stress and anxiety and give us a sense of peace. For example, going on a hike, swimming in the ocean, or going on a boat ride can refresh our minds and reset our emotions. Take time to soak in nature moments as a regular habit! Take time to smell the roses, so to speak! “The earth has music for those who listen.” WILLIAM SHAKESPEARE “In all things of nature there is something of the marvelous.” ARISTOTLE

BRAVE & BEAUTIFUL

“A sunrise or sunset can be ablaze with brilliance and arouse all the passion, all the yearning, in the soul of the beholder.” Mary Balogh, Best Selling Author

Are you a mountain person or an ocean person? Where is your favorite place to be outdoors? As you envision this place, describe the view, the sounds, the smells in this place that you love:

Why does this particular place bring you peace?

ACTIVITY Take a walk with your smartphone or camera. It could be around your neighborhood, at a park or even at your school. Take a photo of something in nature that catches your attention. It could be a tree, a rock, a flower, a puddle of water, or an ant! When you have time, spend some quiet time looking at the photo. Pay attention to thoughts and impressions that come to you. Write your thoughts below: I took a photo of a What does the photo speak to your heart?

Make it a practice that when you are in nature and something is highlighted to you or grabs your attention, take a pause. What is it that your eyes are feasting on or what are your ears are hearing? Soak it all in and enjoy! “In nature, nothing is perfect and everything is perfect. Trees can be contorted, bent in weird ways, and they're still beautiful.” ALICE WALKER

M IND F UL LET T ERING Trace the lettering - it does not have to be perfect! Enjoy the process of creative lettering

BRAVE & BEAUTIFUL

Action Steps

YOU GO GIRL! LET’S WALK IT OUT. ••

she is Brave & Beautiful you!

She Expresses. She Sparkles. She Rests.

CHOOSE ONE OR MORE OF THE FOLLOWING ACTIONS STEPS: 1.

Be a flavor. You are unique! Discovering your likes and dislikes can develop your voice in this world.

down its attributes as a reminder of ways you want

Pick two questions from below—one from the DISLIKES list and one from LIKES list. Journal your answers. Have a conversation with someone you know and ask them the same two questions you chose. Share your answers with one another and enjoy expressing yourselves!

Diamond: Purity/Commitment/Faithfulness/Love

to sparkle. Ruby: Nobility/Passion/Purity

Emerald: Balance/Harmony/Growth/Abundance Amethyst: Peace/Calm/Wisdom/Hope Sapphire: Virtue/Wisdom/Royalty

Aqua Marine: Transformation/Loyalty/Truth

Dislikes: 3.

•

What frustrates you often?

•

What is one thing you would change about your world?

•

What is one negative attribute that is upsetting to you and why? (like dishonesty, greed etc.)

Create your own rhythm of rest. Try these ideas and see what works for you: • Take a regular powernap of 15 minutes in the afternoon (set your alarm) • Take a 10-15 minute walk outside each day

Likes:

• Take a relaxing bath

•

What topic do you love to talk about and why?

•

What would you like to learn more about and why?

• Turn off your phone for a designated period of time daily

•

What do you love to do for fun and why?

2. When we think of sparkling, visions of glittery jewels can easily come to mind.

Gems have historical and cultural meanings. Pick a gem below that represents attributes you aspire to have. Take a screenshot photo of that gem and write

• Read a good book you enjoy 4.

Put yourself in a posture to rest. • Find a quiet place free from distractions and get into a comfortable position. • Take 3 deep breaths and focus your mind on a peaceful scene. • Try not to think of anything and rest your entire being for 3-5 minutes.

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SHE IS BRAVE & BEAUTIFUL JOURNEY 01 • PAGE 10~15

DISCUSSION QUESTIONS •

What does it mean to be brave? Describe what being brave means to you.

•

Who is someone you know personally or know of whom is brave? Why did you pick him/her?

•

Would you describe yourself as brave? Why or why not?

•

When have you displayed a level of courage?

•

What does it mean to be beautiful? Describe what being beautiful means to you.

•

Who is someone you personally know or know of who you would describe as a beautiful person? Why?

•

Would you describe yourself as beautiful? Why or why not?

•

Knowing beauty goes beyond outward appearances, what is one situation where you displayed your beauty?

ACTIVITY

Brave & Beautiful Walk About Instructions: 1.

Explain that the group will go on a short walk outside.

As they are walking, each of them is to look for an object, a plant, a person, or something in nature that represents bravery—or represents what beauty is.

When something catches their eye, they are to meditate on how that particular thing speaks of bravery or beauty. They will be sharing with the group what comes to mind.

Each girl is to let you know when she made her choice and is ready to share her related message about bravery or beauty with the group. (*You can share an example such as: “I saw a bird’s nest in the tree. I realized it takes courage for the baby bird to take its first leap out of the nest to fly for the first time. Even though it is their instinct, it still is a risk and takes some courage. I need courage to spread my wings to fly into my unknown future.”)

When each girl in the group lets you know she has something to share, have the group stop and listen to what she has to say while looking at what was highlighted to her. *Each person must have a turn to share about their particular object, plant, or scenery that speaks to them about bravery or beauty.

ADDITIONAL ACTIVITIES 1.

Using magazines, have the girls make a collage of images and words that express bravery and beauty. Encourage them to put this collage in a place where they can be reminded to aspire to express their bravery and beauty to this world!

BRAVE & BEAUTIFUL

Have each girl stand and declare, “I am BRAVE AND BEAUTIFUL!” Have the rest of the group applaud and cheer that person in response, celebrating and affirming that statement. It may be difficult for a girl with a low view of herself to say it, but this can give them a positive experience declaring their worth!

Have each girl decorate a large smooth landscape rock with a paint pen, writing “I am brave and beautiful!“ They can use this as a constant reminder of who they are, and they can work on embracing this belief about their value.

NOTES

SHE DISCOVERS

JOURNEY 01 • PAGE 16~29

DISCUSSION QUESTIONS •

Refer to page 21. Take turns sharing your answers to all the questions: - What builds you up? - What is that one thing that gives you energy? - What do you have fun doing? - What are the 3 top things you value?

•

Read the poem on page 28. These are true statements for each one of you, so perhaps you will discover a new way of looking at yourself that you never considered before. - Which 2 or 3 statements do you find were highlighted to you. - Why do you think those particular lines stood out to you? - Which statement do you find difficult to believe about yourself and why do you think that is so?

•

What is something you are discovering about yourself?

ACTIVITIES IMPORTANT PIECE GAME Materials Needed: • children's jigsaw puzzles with 25 or 50 pieces (Puzzles can be put together fairly quickly in pairs or a group of 3-4.) • (optional) large handmade jigsaw puzzle piece prop • (optional) prizes for teams for first place, second place and third place Instructions:

Hold up a jigsaw puzzle piece or an enlarged handmade jigsaw puzzle prop as you reinforce with the girls that every one of them is unique and needed. Discuss how in a jigsaw puzzle, every single piece is needed to complete the picture. In a similar way, each one of them has something to contribute of value to the greater whole.

Have the girls form groups of 2-4 and give each team a 25-piece jigsaw puzzle to work on. They are to put their puzzle together when you say “Go!” The first team to complete their puzzle wins. Every team needs to complete their puzzle!

BRAVE & BEAUTIFUL

DISCOVERY PLATES Materials Needed: • thin paper plates (Attach a string to each plate so the plate sits like a necklace around their neck—except flip the plate necklace so the plate lays on their back.) • pens for every person Instructions: 1.

Explain that sometimes we can DISCOVER something about ourselves by how others see us. Sometimes other people can see the gold in us that we can't see. (Give an example from your personal life.)

In this activity, first have the girls ‘wear’ their plate necklaces where the plate sits on their back.

Explain that they are going to freely write a POSITIVE word, phrase or sentence on each other's plates affirming positive attributes about that person (demonstrate). Remind them that the words should all be encouraging and affirming! *If they do not know someone well enough to list a positive attribute, suggest that they simply do their best to write down a positive word. (Examples: a positive word that comes to mind as ‘courage,’ or ‘cheerful’)

Explain that once they finish writing on one person's plate, then they are to find someone new who doesn't have anyone writing on their plate at that time. They are to write on someone's plate only once.

As a facilitator, you can gauge when to end the activity. When done, have the girls remove the plate on their back and read their affirmations.

Ask the teen girls, “What did you discover about how others see you?” Encourage the girls to keep their plates and reference the positive words to encourage themselves.

NOTES

SHE ACCEPTS

JOURNEY 01 • PAGE 30~39

DISCUSSION QUESTIONS •

Why is it so hard to not compare yourself to others?

•

How do you think social media has promoted the comparison trap?

•

What are some things girls can say to themselves to get out of the comparison trap?

•

How has our culture promoted comparison—especially in physical appearance?

•

What do you notice about the girls you know in general, without naming names, about the areas of comparison they struggle with?

•

Do you have an easier time accepting others or accepting yourself? Why?

•

If you feel comfortable sharing, what areas of comparison do you struggle with?

ACTIVITIES ACCEPTANCE GAME

Materials Needed: • one blindfold for each pair of girls

• paper • pen/marker

• copy of a list of objects for each team (sample list: happy face/tree/heart/bird/football/ chair/ stick figure/flower/sun/grapes/fish)

Instructions: 1.

Pair up the group and give each pair a blindfold, a piece of paper, and a marker.

Explain that one of them will be blindfolded and must draw a series of simple things that their partner will read off.

The non-blindfolded person can give verbal advice but cannot draw the object. Despite the flaws they each have, they must work together.

The team that finishes first wins and if there is a tie, the judge can determine which has the most accurate drawings to determine the winner.

Post Activity Discussion Questions: Remind the girls that in this game, each partner had a handicap—a flaw that they couldn't do much about. One could not see and the other did not have use of their hands. Have the teen girls discuss the following questions: - How did they work together despite their flaws towards a solution? - In what ways can it be deflating to not be able to change something about yourself that you want to change? (We all can have such thoughts at times. Maybe there are things about your physical appearance you wish you could change.)

BRAVE & BEAUTIFUL

- It can feel like an impossible task to live up to the expectations of the culture around us. What are things we can do to accept ourselves more and how can we be gentle to ourselves in our weaknesses? - Read the following three quotes and pick your favorite one. Share what you liked about the quote chosen.

“Learning to accept yourself is more important than making other people accept you. It’s how you see yourself that really matters.” PICTUREQUOTES.COM “Because true belonging only happens when we present our authentic, imperfect selves to the world, our sense of belonging can never be greater than our level of self-acceptance.” BRENE BROWN, DARING GREATLY: HOW THE COURAGE TO BE VULNERABLE TRANSFORMS THE WAY WE LIVE, LOVE, PARENT, AND LEAD

“When we give ourselves compassion, the tight knot of negative self-judgment starts to dissolve, replaced by a feeling of peaceful, connected acceptance—a sparkling diamond that emerges from the coal.” KRISTIN NEFF

HEALTHY SELF LOVE

Materials Needed: • paper and pen for each person

Instructions: 1.

Discuss the following questions in groups of 2-3: - What does having a healthy self-love mean to you?

- What is one thing you like and value about yourself?

- What does it look like and sound like?

- In what ways do you show care for yourself?

Have each person draw a large oval of their face on paper and sketch their hair only (no facial features).

Next, have each girl write words about herself on their blank face space, sharing what she likes and values about herself. (for example: friendly, responsible, caring, honest, strong, smart in math, etc.)

Encourage the participants to keep this sheet as a gentle reminder to accept themselves and to not compare themselves to others.

SHE BELIEVES

JOURNEY 01 • PAGE 40~55

DISCUSSION QUESTIONS •

Some people care very much about what others think of them. Sometimes our culture, our temperament, or upbringing can affect how we see ourselves. On a scale of 1-10, 10 being you really care about what others think of you, where are you right now?

•

What are the pros and cons of depending on what others think of you? How does social media affect you or others you know in the area of self-value and self-worth?

•

To hear others tell you that you are valuable and priceless is one thing, but to BELIEVE it in your heart can be another story. What are some of the hindrances to believing you are valuable?

•

What is your take-away from Nancy Vuu's article on pages 44-45.

ACTIVITIES ART WITH A PURPOSE

Materials Needed: • laptop/phone to look up famous quotes that affirm their value • scrapbooking materials (i.e. printed paper, embellishments, glue, glue sticks, stickers) • printer • paper to print out their chosen quote(s) • scissors • cardstock sheet for each girl • (optional) inexpensive acrylic frames to frame the project

Instructions:

Ideally, have each girl prepare ahead of time and come with a printed favorite quote affirming their value and worth, or prepare and provide printed quotes to choose from.

Have each girl create their own art using scrapbooking paper and materials that embellish their quote.

Have a time of sharing at the end of the activity where each girl shares why they chose that quote.

As an option, you can provide inexpensive acrylic clear frames or simply have them put their artwork up on their bedroom wall or someplace where they can read it out loud often!

BRAVE & BEAUTIFUL

I AM STATEMENTS

Materials Needed: • an XXL inexpensive t-shirt with negative words written on it (i.e. dumb, ugly, freak, stupid, trash, worthless, a mistake, junk, etc.) using a sharpie marker • another XXL shirt with positive words of affirmation written on it (i.e. beautiful, brave, chosen, amazing, worthy, good enough, lovable, etc.) • paper • pen Instructions: 1.

Have a volunteer come up front and put on the negative shirt over their clothes.

Discuss how in life people can label us negatively and sometimes we can label ourselves too. Read out loud many of the negative words.

Explain how such labels and negative words can soon become core beliefs that we may not even be fully aware of. Our choices and reactions in life are deeply influenced by such beliefs. Discuss how such negative beliefs can prevent us from making healthy choices and can harm our relationships.

Have the volunteer take off the negative shirt and put on the positive shirt. Now discuss how we are to put on the ‘new’ and clothe ourselves on the inside and out, with the truth of our great value. Read aloud the positive words on the positive shirt.

Pass out a paper and pen to each person. Have them write at least five I AM statements that are positive statements of who they are. Have a time of sharing their statements in small groups of 2-3.

NOTES

SHE EXPRESSES

JOURNEY 01 • PAGE 58~69

DISCUSSION QUESTIONS •

In general, on a scale of 1-10, 1 meaning strongly disagree and 10 meaning you strongly agree, what do you believe about your voice being worthy to be heard?

•

There are seven ways the article on pages 60-61 shares to express yourself. Which one of the seven most resonates with you? Why?

•

Do you believe journaling regularly will benefit you in expressing yourself? Share what your experience has been in journaling your thoughts, ideas, and feelings.

•

After doing the activities on pages 64-65, what was one take-away you had? Consider sharing one of the high or low moments in your life, how you felt and any lesson(s) you may have learned.

•

Looking at what you've written on page 67, what is one attribute you want to work on clothing yourself with? Why?

•

What is one take-away you had from the article “The Power of Words” on page 68-69?

ACTIVITIES PHOTO EXPRESSIONS Materials Needed: • smartphone for each person (for taking pictures) Instructions:

Discuss briefly how people can express themselves in so many ways! How we think and how we communicate who we are can be a very creative, expressive process!

Explain that as a group, we will take a walk. While on the walk, they can feel free to take photos of things that they are drawn to—close-ups or pics of scenery—anything they are drawn to. *If a park is nearby, you can have the group freely wander about taking photos for about 15 minutes.

After taking photos, have the group gather back together and have them pick their favorite photo that expresses something they want to share. It could be a reflection they have or an encouragement they want to give to others.

Have each share with the group the photo they chose and what it is they want to express to the group about their photo.

Celebrate the creativity and uniqueness of each person!

BRAVE & BEAUTIFUL

NOTEBOOK (OR BOX) COLLAGE Materials Needed: • clear strapping tape or clear self-adhesive lamination • magazines and/or newspapers • (optional) premade printed positive words and graphics of things that girls can pick from to represent who they are

• glue and scissors • blank paper • hardcover composition notebook or a box with a cover (shoe box size) for each person (can be purchased from craft stores or online)

• (optional) label or paper with each girl's name on it

Instructions: 1.

Explain that words and images can express who we are, our likes and passions, activities we love to do, and more. Explain that they should select, cut, and glue words and images that represent them and make a collage on the front cover of their hardcover composition notebook. If they want, they can use the blank paper to write something they want to add or write their favorite quotes to be included. *If using a plain box, they can cover the entire cover of the box.

When done, they should cover their collage with clear strapping postal tape to protect their artwork and create a laminating effect. They can use the notebook for a journal or for a specific purpose of their choice. If they have designed a box cover, they can use their box to store cards they have received and knickknacks that are precious to them—or for another purpose.

Have the girls share their finished project with each other so they can learn more about each other as classmates or friends. This gives each an opportunity to express themselves creatively. Compliment them on a job well done.

ADDITIONAL ACTIVITIES 1.

Discuss in pairs or small groups: What is the value of honoring one another's voices and expressions vs. being quick to criticize or judge within the group. Discuss how we must acknowledge that speaking up is a vulnerable act to express oneself.

Refer to the article, “Seven Ways to Express You.” Pick any theme such as ‘brave‘ or beautiful’ or ‘innovative.’ Have the girls choose one of the seven ways to express that theme and make it their project. Have a time of sharing these projects in small groups or the entire class. Make sure to create a culture of celebrating one another's bravery and vulnerability in expressing themselves!

Have each girl reflect on one issue in their world that they care about or are passionate about. For example: homelessness, art, animal rescue, the rise in suicide, or health. Have each girl write a blog-style message about it that can be shared with the rest of the group. Celebrate each expression! After each girl reads her blog, she is to stand up and declare, “I have an important voice!” After each girl declares this, instruct the rest of the group to respond by applauding and cheering for them. This will help create a supportive culture in the group.

SHE SPARKLES

JOURNEY 01 • PAGE 70~75

DISCUSSION QUESTIONS •

What is your take-away from this chapter?

•

What is one thing you are good at that comes naturally to you?

•

On page 73 which personality grouping do you most identify with?

•

What is a passion you have? Do you make time to invest into that passion? Why or why not?

•

How can your passion help others?

•

Review the “9 Secrets to Shining,” article. Which of the topics listed do you want to focus on in order to shine brighter? Share one tangible action step you will do this week.

•

Who is one person you admire that has a special sparkle? What is that sparkle that inspires you about them?

ACTIVITIES TWINKLE, TWINKLE STAR! Materials Needed: • As a leader, make a sample star craft with cardstock ahead of time. Write your name in the center. Trace with glue and put glitter on it. Write positive words about yourself around your name, inside the star. • one cardstock star cut out for each girl (size 8.5" x 11") • folder paper for each person • glitter • glue • (optional) peaceful, instrumental music • (optional) music player/speaker • (optional) crayons, markers, colored pencils Instructions

Have the group initially sit in a circle.

Instruct each girl to write her name at the top of her folder paper.

They are then to pass their paper around in a circle, so everyone has a chance to write ONE positive word that describes each girl. Continue the rotation until each person has her own paper once again. If they do not know everyone well, encourage them to think of a positive word reflecting an impression they have of the person, and write down what comes to them.

Instruct each girl to write her name in the middle of the star, then write the positive words she received from her group in the space around her name. If she wants, she can trace her name with glue and sprinkle glitter on it.

After everyone is done with their craft, have each girl share their star and read aloud in an “I am” statement using all the positive words on their star.

BRAVE & BEAUTIFUL

THE SHAPES ACTIVITY Materials Needed: • four 8 ½ x 11 cardstock sheets with each of these following shapes represented in a drawing: square, triangle, circle, the letter ‘Z’

Instructions 1.

Discuss how every person has their own unique temperament, strengths, and weaknesses that they bring to this world. We can appreciate our differences, although sometimes it can be hard to get along with or understand people who are different from us.

Hold up the 4 shapes and ask each person to decide which shape best represents who they are if they had to pick a shape to represent themselves. *If you have a large group of 8 or more (the larger the group, the more dynamic this activity will be), you can designate a part of the room where you want the squares to gather, the triangles to gather, the circles to gather, and the Z’s to gather. They are to share amongst themselves WHY they picked that shape and each group will be given 5 minutes to plan a 15-30 second presentation to the rest of the group of what that shape represents and communicates to the world (their interpretation).

In a small group, simply have each girl share why they picked that shape to represent herself. What does she like about the shape she chose? What are the temperament aspects that all the people who chose a certain shape have in common?

This can be a fun activity to reveal our differences and the various ways we sparkle and add our ‘flavor’ to the world!

Have the girls who chose the same shapes sit next to each other and share WHY they chose that shape.

Affirm each girl in how they sparkle and what they add to the world, as this activity revealed.

NOTES

SHE RESTS

JOURNEY 01 • PAGE 76~85

DISCUSSION QUESTIONS •

What consumes most of your waking hours, and are these activities healthy for your mind and heart? Why or why not? What can you change to make healthy choices with your time?

•

It is recommended that children ages 6 - 12 need 9 to 12 hours of sleep and ages 13 - 18 need 8 to 10 hours of sleep. How much sleep do you average a night and are you getting enough sleep for your health and well-being?

•

If you get the average recommended hours, share one way you are able to get a good night's rest. If you typically get below the recommended sleep hours, share an idea or change you can make to increase your sleep hours.

•

Share with the group your favorite downtime activity and how it helps you to rest and refresh.

•

Complete the statement: “When I can't sleep, I ...”

ACTIVITIES REST AND RELAX

Materials Needed: • towels/blankets/pillows to lie on • peaceful, instrumental music (available through YouTube or various apps) • music player/speaker Instructions: 1.

Have the girls find comfortable positions to rest. They can sit, lay down, rest on a table, or just find a comfortable position sitting in a chair. *Or you could do this activity outside and lay towels and blankets on a grassy area.

Play the music prepared.

Discuss: How or what did you feel during this session? What did you see, feel, hear? Was this a positive, refreshing activity? If so, how so?

NOTES

BRAVE & BEAUTIFUL

MINI PEACE / REST GARDEN Materials Needed: • garden base options: cookie tin, shoe box lid, plastic food container, old cookie sheet (small size), • picture frame with back, etc. • small rocks and fine sand (can be bought or found outside) • a "gardening design tool" (such as a skewer, fork, toothpick, thin make-up brush) • additional detail items such as small air plants, shells, figurines, etc. • peaceful, instrumental music • music player/speaker Instructions: 1.

Have each girl bring a box or lid of any kind, some rocks, fine sand, and a skewer or toothpick. *You may wish to supply or have them bring additional items like: small air plants, shells, tiny ceramic figurines, etc.

Provide time for the girls to spend creating their own personal peace/rest gardens. Remind them that it is designed to quiet their minds to be able to focus on restoring their peace.

Have a time of sharing where everyone can look at and appreciate one another’s creative mini gardens!

JOURNAL Materials Needed: • journal

• pen or pencil

• Brave & Beautiful journey book

Instructions: 1.

Have the girls journal about a burden in their life that prevents them from being able to rest and restore. Give suggestions if needed such as work, school, family, friends, neighbors, sports, extracurricular activities, hunger, health issues, etc.

Ask them to journal, expressing their burden or problem.

When they are done, have them think of three steps to help alleviate the burden. Have them rank the steps from easiest to hardest.

When everyone has completed Step 3, have them journal again, giving encouraging advice to themselves to come out from under the burden and move into more daily peace. They can refer to articles about rest in their Brave & Beautiful journey book.

Give them time to be quiet and to write. Discuss if their perspective on their burden changed after making a plan for change.

GROW IN CONFIDENCE. KNOW YOUR IDENTITY.

urney

FOR GIRLS

ISBN: 979-8-9862965-3-1 Art Direction and Graphic Design: Ahava Design, LLC. Photos by Unsplash and Pixabay.

BRAVEANDBEAUTIFUL.WORLD Brave & Beautiful is a publication created by Explicit Movement, a Christian faith-based movement that heals and empowers youth and young adults to walk in sexual integrity and healthy relationships. We provide faith-based resources that equip youth, young adults, parents, and church leaders to have conversations concerning healthy dating and navigating sexuality issues with confidence, leading the way for young people to thrive in relationships. CREDITS COVER Floral pattern: Maria Galybina. 3 Photography by Luminous: Emily Ganiko. Dreamstime. 26 Photography: AmericanReject.movie 48 CDC study description from: About the CDC - Kaiser ACE Study: cdc.gov/violenceprevention/aces/about. CDC quote on linking to brain development and chronic healthy problems: November, 2019, Adverse Childhood Experiences (ACES) Preventing early trauma to improve adult healthy: cdc.gov/vitalsigns/aces/index.html. Descriptions of ACES from: ncjfcj.org/publications/findingyour-ace-score/.ncjfcj.org/wp-content/uploads/2006/10/Finding-Your-Ace-Score.pdf. 72 By @nataliaandreichenko1384

WELCOME BACK TO

Brave & Beautiful — vol.2

REAL TRUTH. REAL LOVE.

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Bave  Beauful Jurney

e l e ases

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Sh eB

e li e ev

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c o v

e r s •• She Accepts ••

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l •• S h

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ifu

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B ra ve

She s

a e B

Journey 01

Journey 02

SHE IS BRAVE & BEAUTIFUL

SHE RELEASES

SHE DISCOVERS

SHE STANDS

30 SHE ACCEPTS

SHE CRIES

40 SHE BELIEVES

SHE PERSEVERES

58 SHE EXPRESSES

SHE PROTECTS

70 SHE SPARKLES

SHE BLOOMS

76 SHE RESTS BRAVE & BEAUTIFUL

Celebr ate s •• She Blooms •• She

es •• She Re sts

a rk l

Pro

te c t s

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Journey 03

Journey 04 Listen

PORNOGRAPHY

20 SHE LOVES

SEXUAL ABUSE & TRAUMA

30 SHE GIVES

SEX TRAFFICKING

40 SHE DREAMS

VOICES OF FREEDOM

48 SHE CREATES

HOPE RISING

SHE CELEBRATES

re a e t e s •• S h

ri s

s •• S

• She Crie s s • nd

eS ta

D r e am

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s •• She Give e v o s • eL •

She Lstens!

56 SHE ARISES 5

ve se

PART 1

She She She

Releases Stands Cries

how’s your heart? How is your soul doing? What is going on in your inner world?

own emotional health? We are made up of our mind, will, emotions, thoughts, attitudes, our character, and even have a moral makeup—in other words, our inner world.

can affect us for years to come—and even our physical health over time. The culture we live in and our family culture often may not model or teach us how to handle our emotions in a healthy way.

Caring how we appear to the world is not a ‘bad’ thing, but do we ever take a look at what is inside and invest in our

The purpose for these next three chapters, She Releases, She Stands, and She Cries, is to support you in navigating the negative emotions of anger, fear and sadness. These three common emotions are often ‘stuffed’ and handled in unhealthy ways that

Entire books have been written on each of these subjects! We hope to plant seeds of truth in your mind and heart and share some helpful tips along your journey to becoming ever more emotionally and mentally healthy, strong, and thriving!

e are so much deeper, wider, and more multifaceted than what the eye can see. For some of us, fashion and make-up and pedicures can be a fun way to express our own unique style and flair! Yet, ponder how much time and money we invest in improving what is on the inside.

BRAVE & BEAUTIFUL

Your Emotional Health Matters!

Did you know that your ability to achieve and sustain success is impacted by your emotional health? If we are in the depths of depression, filled with steaming rage, feeling bitter with unforgiveness, or paralyzed by fear, our life will be impacted. We can try to comfort ourselves through ways such as watching porn, shopping, obsessing over social media, getting good grades, drinking, doing drugs, having sex, gaming and even working to escape and distract ourselves for the moment. Your entire being is so important! IT'S OK TO GET HELP! If you feel you need additional support, for starters, you can go for counseling or seek out support from a trusted mentor. ACTIVITY: Reflect on the following questions and rate yourself from 1 to 10 (1 being poor, 10 being excellent) on your emotional health in the areas of your mind, will, and emotions: MIND:

How has your thought life been about yourself, others, your circumstances?

Do you tend to have positive and hopeful thoughts or do you find yourself stewing in negative and cynical thoughts?

WILL:

How have you been managing the virtue of self-control?

Are you a pushover where you have little boundaries and can’t say no? Are you a control freak?

Have you been making good and wise choices? EMOTIONS:

Do you find yourself on an emotional roller coaster? Are you stuffing your emotions?

Do you feel peaceful and contentment overall?

Are you aware of your emotions? Do you avoid facing your emotions?

NOTES

She Releases. Stands. Cries. 8

BRAVE & BEAUTIFUL

B RAVE & B EAUTI FU L JOU RN EY: SH E RELEASES

“If we really want to love we must learn how to forgive.” JOU RN EY 02 • CHAPTER 08

MOTHER THERESA

ACTIVITY

Doodle or draw something that makes you angry or draw your anger.

GET IN TOUCH WITH YOUR FEELINGS.

Chart your feelings in a day to become more self-aware!

Hysterically happy! Cheerful Positive Peaceful Content Neutral Bored Little irritated grumpy Super annoyed Frustrated Depressed

8am

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10am

12pm

2pm

4pm

6pm

8pm

10 pm

steps. It also can be painful to face those hurts and work through them. Sometimes it can seem easier to stuff the hurts and avoid thinking about them. But then we become the BY MICHELE OKIMURA walking wounded without realizing it. A betrayal, an abuse, or a humiliation e ALL have experienced are examples of traumatic hurts that being hurt and offended! can take root in our hearts. A deep It is normal to go through hurt feels like a knife through your intense feelings of anger, sadness, heart—it is wounding and very painand pain when we are hurt by people ful! Forgiving such hurts is a process or situations. that often involves getting Forgiveness is a vital “You may not help from a mature mentor or professional component of our healing ‘feel’ like counselor—there is no process. Holding on forgiving, but shame in getting help and to unforgiveness can forgiveness is having others walk with torment us mentally and emotionally, stealing away also a choice.” you through your process of forgiveness! our joy and peace. Over

FORGIVENESS AND HEALING

time, holding on to bitterness can also increase our risk of suffering from physical health issues. Forgiveness is for our benefit so we can be free from the chains of unforgiveness. Isn’t it so easy to get annoyed by others? Forgiveness typically can be given fairly easily and quickly for minor hurts or irritations. Minor hurts are like getting a pin prick on your finger—it irritates, but it is easier to let go of. However, healing for deep hurts will usually take time and comes in

Like peeling an onion, sometimes our hurts find their roots in past experiences. Healing usually happens layer by layer as we pursue becoming whole and healthy. Have patience for yourself in the process. You may not ‘feel’ like forgiving, but forgiveness is also a choice. And it can take time. Your heart can heal in a variety of creative ways, so your healing experience will not look exactly like someone else’s. Beloved, pursue your healing through the pathway of forgiveness. Freedom awaits you!

what forgiveness is not

The following are two easy to remember steps you can take when forgiving someone who has hurt you. These steps can be part of your process of healing.

1. You can verbally forgive

the person (or yourself) in a private moment. Imagine the person is in front of you. Speak forgiveness to the person as if he/she were right there. I have found this envisioning can help our hearts to give forgiveness more genuinely. You can say something like this:

“(name of person), I forgive you for (say specifically what they did that hurt you).” If you still feel angry or hurt, that is ok. Remember, healing is a process.

2. Journal your reflections.

Consider writing down some positive hopes for that person, such as expressing hope that this person will get the help they need to be a better person, that they will have a turnaround in their life, or regardless, hope the best for them in their life. Being able to have a positive thought towards them can be a victory or a sign to yourself that you are healing.

FORGIVENESS DOES NOT MEAN: • We must deny our hurt or anger. • We have to work to change our feelings. Feelings will change over time in the process of healing. • We must ‘forget’ the offense. • The offender was not wrong. • The offender is not accountable. • It is the same as excusing what happened. • You need to now trust the person.

LETTING GO Moments of pain from our past experiences can trigger and stir up feelings of shame and beliefs that can blur our perceptions. Part of the process of healing and being restored is healing and forgiving.

“He who is devoid of the power to forgive is devoid of the power to love.” MARTIN LUTHER KING JR.

What memories from the past trigger angry feelings in you?

What do you wish you could tell the person you’re angry with about how you were hurt by them?

“When a deep injury is done to us, we never heal until we forgive.” NELSON MANDELA Who or what do you need to forgive?

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ACTIVITY Write on the balloons all the things you want to let go of. Envision yourself releasing the balloons with your burdens into the sky! This is an activity to help you ‘let go’ of those things weighing heavy in your heart. Draw more balloons if you need to. Feel free to color the balloons. For deeper hurts you may need to reach out to a trusted person in your life who can walk with you through the forgiveness process.

letting go:

POISON OR PEACE BY TISHA LEHFELDT

e have all been there. Someone says something rude to us. Or worse, the bad treatment towards us or someone we love can feel horrible. In an instant, our inner emotional world is upside down and a mess! Anger, hate, and unforgiveness have us spinning mad! However, now, you and I have a choice.

Do we forgive them or withhold our forgiveness? Friend, here's the truth. Unforgiveness will always trap and imprison us, and forgiveness will always set us free. I heard this saying once, “Unforgiveness is like drinking poison and waiting for the other person to die.” Wow. That's some truth. Here's another, "To forgive is to set a prisoner free and discover that the prisoner was you." I don't know about you, but being a prisoner or dying does not sound like fun. For me, I'm convinced that

choosing forgiveness, as difficult as it is, is always the best way to live. I want to share with you two personal secrets that have helped me move forward and forgive a person who has hurt or offended me. My first secret is: Keep the end in mind. Let me expand. At the end of my life, I want kindness and love to be my driving force. My passion is for people to believe in the goodness of others because of me. What about you? What is your end in mind? Please take a moment and think about it. If you don't have an anchor, which is the end in mind, you can drift and end your life way off course. Unforgiveness will lead you to be a person that is constantly angry, pent up, judgmental, bitter, and indifferent. Unfortunately, choosing not to forgive a person or yourself will always take you off course. My second secret is: To remember hurting people hurt people. Other people have damaged the person who hurt you. Perhaps their mom, dad, spouse, friend, or coworker said or did something awful to them in the past, and they are still hurting deeply from it. By remembering this truth, it allows me to tap into some real compassion and genuine mercy!

“Forgiveness is not always easy. At times, it feels more painful than the wound we suffered, to forgive the one that inflicted it. And yet, there is no peace without forgiveness.” MARIANNE WILLIAMSON

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Friend, today is your day. Don't let this moment pass by. Peace can be yours right now if you choose to forgive and release that person or yourself. Don't continue to be poisoned by unforgiveness and lead a life marked by hate, bitterness, and anger. Remember, if you invest love and forgiveness, you will tend to receive love and forgiveness. Choose to lead a life that exudes life, love, and kindness! And, peace will be yours!

Here are some questions to ask yourself: • What is my end in mind? • Why do I expect people not to fail me when I'm human and fail too? • How high a price am I willing to pay to stay angry? • Do I want a life filled with poison or peace?

I am hoping your answer is peace!

Power clean your heart! Sharing with a trusted mentor or counselor about your struggles can be helpful in courageously facing what is in your heart. Journaling or drawing what is in your heart can release thoughts and feelings that have been suppressed within you. You can begin the process of opening the door to more healing. It takes courage to do so. Maybe now is the time for you to journal or draw something to express what is in your heart regarding this subject of forgiveness—whatever it is! Use the space below to journal and/or draw what comes to you:

“It's not an easy journey, to get to a place where you forgive people. But it is such a powerful place, because it frees you.”

TYLER PERRY

“It's one of the greatest gifts you can give yourself, to forgive. Forgive everybody.” MAYA ANGELOU

doodle

WHAT’S MY PARENTS GOT TO DO WITH IT? BY BETH BACHRAN

id you ever consider that your parents were once BABIES? Well, they used to be babies and they used to be kids. Can you imagine that?! They used to be cute, little, innocent, wide- eyed, drooling little ones! They had hopes and dreams about what life could be like, as little kids should. BUT when they were kids, they may not have been parented perfectly. Let’s face it—who is parented perfectly? NO ONE! Their hearts may have been broken over and over by being misunderstood or hurt. Maybe your parents • were raised in a super strict home with harsh discipline. • were rarely given love, kindness, or encouragement. • were not given space to make mistakes. • were not praised or affirmed. • were abused and rejected. • experienced various traumas for which they still need healing. • were abandoned by one or both parents. • had parents who were so absorbed in their own struggles that they did not receive much attention.

BRAVE & BEAUTIFUL

They grew up the best way they knew how—just like you are now. Fast forward. Now they are YOUR mom or your dad. I know there are days when it seems that they JUST DON’T GET IT! There are days when they are silently hoping they will get it right, but they cannot read your mind any more than you can read theirs. Conflicts between you and your parents can hurt your heart…and it hurts their hearts. Maybe there are days when your parents are fun and enjoyable to be around and life is good! (We all like to focus on those days.) And maybe there are those days when you are sweet, kind, and helpful towards them. What?! Haha And then there’s those days when you are ALL NOT connecting. Relationships are a two-way street! Both sides need to give patience and grace. And your parents are probably doing the best with what they have… they are still in the process of growing and learning as well. Negative experiences can start layering on top of each other. It can be tricky to trust and give your parents space to fail. And it can be really hard to want to cooperate when they’re just not there for you in the way you need.

One thing you can do is care for your own heart. You can be there for you and remind yourself that you will never leave you. You will listen to your heart and learn to be honest with yourself… you can trust that the future will be full of good times, (and difficult times too because, hey, we’re human!) However, the negative experiences can start to have a big effect on HOPE. For example: If your parents rarely provided for your needs, it may be hard for you to believe you will be cared for in your life. • If your parents are usually mad and disapproving towards you, you may tend to believe that all people are looking at you with eyes of judgment. • If your parents are not guiding you, it may be difficult to turn to other trusted adults, because you are used to figuring things out on your own. • If your parents do not show interest in your life, it may be hard for you to believe that others see just how wonderful you are! On the positive side…if you have loving, supportive, parents who are safe places for you to open up to, then it is probably

easier for you to trust that the future will be safe. Work on forgiving your parents for ways you feel they have failed you. This is something that will make you feel great happiness and freedom. It’s not that they haven’t hurt you, it’s just that you have the ability to let some things go! Here’s an activity to practice some of these things:

JOURNAL ACTIVITY 1. Get a piece of paper. 2. Journal by writing each parent a letter. *You will NOT be giving them this letter so feel free to express yourself. The treasure will be how your heart will feel when you express things on this paper that you may not even know need to be written down. Your letter might look something like this sample: Dear Mom/Dad, I never reflected on the fact that you were once a teenager like me. One thing I need from you is One thing I want you to know about me is (could be a dream of yours or anything you want them to know about you) One reason I am thankful for you is

Make the words your own and express whatever you want! If your letter happens to be full of negative emotions and hurtful words you expressed, it’s ok. Did you know that when we express pain, it actually helps our brains feel less of it? That’s better than holding it in!

3. Once you are done writing, tear the letter up and throw it away. Those were your private thoughts. 4. If you’re brave you might want to show your parents kindness and cooperation. I mean, let’s give them the benefit of the doubt and try and believe they are doing their best (even though it may not seem like it to you). Remember, your parents were once just babies who had to grow up! If you want to, you may then write a loving letter to your parents to actually give to them, expressing your needs, your true feelings, your dreams, your thanks towards them, and your positive desires for your relationship with them. This step can feel really big! It’s ok if you’re not ready to be that open, but maybe pop that in the back of your mind and even think about this for the future. You are worth being heard and seen! I don’t know you, but I already think you’re wonderful!

BRAVE & BEAUTIFUL

JOURNAL

doodle

FORGIVe YOUR SELF

“Forgiveness is a gift you give yourself.” SUZANNE SOMERS

“Forgiving yourself, believing in yourself and choosing to love yourself are the best gifts one could receive.” BRITTANY BURGUNDER

“Forgive yourself; you are not perfect. Show yourself grace; you are still learning. Show yourself patience; you are on a journey.“ SHANNON YVETTE TANNER

BRAVE & BEAUTIFUL

On a scale of 1 to 10, how much are you a perfectionist? On a scale of 1 to 10, how much grace and forgiveness do you give yourself when you mess up?

Sometimes we have done things that we are ashamed of and still carry pain about it. Many of us know it is a good thing to forgive others, but did you know that it is a good thing to forgive yourself as well? Sometimes forgiving yourself is more difficult than forgiving someone else!

ACTIVITY Go into your bedroom or bathroom where there is a mirror you can look into. Have a private moment with yourself. Look deeply into your own eyes and say, “I forgive you.” Just be. This may be an easy task, or it can be an emotional task. Either way, you are ok. Spend a moment taking in your own gentle forgiveness to yourself!

“People, even more than things, have to be restored, renewed, revived, reclaimed, and redeemed; never throw out anyone.” AUDREY HEPBURN

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B RAVE & B EAUTI FU L JOU RN EY: SH E STAN DS JOU RN EY 02 • CHAPTER 09

When you are afraid, you will stand. When you feel like shrinking in fear, you will stand. When you feel anxious, take courage. Stand firm. Believe for the best!

“Yes, I am imperfect and vulnerable and sometimes afraid, but that doesn’t change the truth that I am brave and worthy of love and belonging.” BRENÉ BROWN

UNRAVELING OUR MENTAL MESS! BY MICHELE OKIMURA

Ever feel a mental mess of anxiety overcome you? Entire books have been written on how to manage and overcome fear and anxiety, so we are just scratching the surface here! We can attempt to avoid feeling stressed by distracting ourselves through unhealthy means such as binge eating or going shopping to feel the thrill of buying stuff! Some of us may have even turned to drugs, sex, or porn to medicate stress. Such actions may give us a moment of relief and comfort but will not be helpful for us in the long run.

When you are feeling anxious, ask yourself, “Why am I feeling anxious?” Reflecting on why you are feeling stressed can help uncover the internal dialogue you are having—a dialogue that you may not even be aware of! What if what you are thinking is not true?

There are some good things that can come out of feelings of anxiety.

Our thoughts directly affect our emotions. Faulty, distorted thinking happens when we believe something to be true that is false or could very well be false. Faulty thinking causes a huge ball of mental mess! It can fill us with hopelessness, paralyze us with fear or guilt, and trap us in unnecessary pain! It is dangerous because it affects your relationships and limits your potential.

Anxiety can:

All or nothing thinking:

• motivate us to accomplish our goals and creatively problem solve.

‘All or nothing’ thinking exaggerates things to be much bigger than they are. Could you be assuming the worst-case scenario? Is your imagination going a bit wild? Are you thinking too black and white? Maybe you got a C on your report card so you feel like a failure. Or someone offended you, so you think they are a horrible person. This is extreme thinking.

• give us clues to any unhealthy thinking patterns that need adjustments! • be a warning signal that we are in danger, moving us to take positive action.

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If we use words like *always, *never, *all, *everybody in our statements, we are probably having a faulty thought. You take things personally:

Do you take offense at something a person said or did before you have all the information? Could you be jumping too quickly to a negative conclusion? Could you be interpreting the situation wrongly? Maybe someone didn’t return your text so you think he/she must be avoiding you. Perhaps they were sick in bed all day, or maybe they had to tend to an important situation. Maybe someone you know didn’t greet you as you passed by, so you now think they must dislike you. Perhaps they did not notice you because they were deep in thought or depressed. Believing the positive before assuming the worst can be helpful. And...stop mind reading. Don’t assume you know someone’s intention without checking with them! Communication is so fragile in that we can so easily misinterpret something—and sometimes even hear something that was not said! Checking

your understanding with the person can be enlightening and helpful! Hopeless thinking:

This line of thinking affects our outlook for the future. Hopeless thinking has a cynical and negative ring to it and can often include the word “never” and “always.” Examples of hopeless thinking are: • I’ll never be happy at this school. • My family will always be messed up. • I’ll never find a trustworthy friend. Yet, there is so much hope for a positive future! Adopt a positive perspective and believe for the best.

Do you suffer from severe fear and anxiety? If you are experiencing fear and anxiety that is negatively affecting your daily functioning, seek professional help!

Your reactions could be rooted in a traumatic experience that needs healing. It can be extremely helpful to have a professional counselor give you tools to manage your stress and walk with you to victory!

• Difficulty sleeping or often having nightmares.

Constant, intense, fearful, anxious thoughts have a toxic effect on our physical bodies. Chronic fear and anxiety weaken our immune system. Therefore, it becomes so very important to learn how to manage those emotions.

Life can be messy and working on our mental mess is an ongoing process!

If you suffer from any of the symptoms below, seek support from the resources in your community: • Difficulty concentrating. • Constant irritability or emotional outbursts. • Spending more time isolated and alone.

• Constantly feeling overwhelmed. • Panic attacks (rapid heartbeat, difficulty breathing).

Believe the best of people and circumstances before assuming the worst.

Sometimes the best thing you can do is not think, not wonder, not imagine, not obsess. Just breathe and have faith that everything will work out for the best.” UNKNOWN

• Physical problems such as headaches or a digestive issue.

“Breathe darling. This is just a chapter. It’s not your whole story.” S.C. LOURIE

“Stress is self-created, I decided to stop manufacturing it. We can choose an internal calm and joy even amid the chaos.” BRENDON BURCHARD

DON’T LET THE FEAR OF REJECTION STOP YOU! BY KATHLEEN MONTELEONE

ejection. Yikes. Just saying it hurts. I never thought rejection would become such a huge theme in my life. I’ve lived with it, written a movie about it, talked about it on podcasts, and now here I am well, writing about it again. I’ve always wanted to be a big Broadway Star. I mean, huge. Not a few shows here and there, not the chorus girl in the back, but the headliner who wears a boa as a normal daily fashion choice. I’ve loved singing, dancing, and acting since I can remember, and I pursued all three through high school. By the time college came around, I knew I just had to go to New York City! I attended an arts college and got my degree in acting and musical theatre. So far, the dream was panning out perfectly. Post college I found myself auditioning for a brand-new reality show. Yes, the “American Idol” type where you pin a number to your chest and sing your heart out for 8 seconds for the judges to either accept you or decline you. Well, I was accepted and at 23, I was on National Television. My dream continued along just as planned. I made it to the top four, then, uh oh. I was voted off. Wait, what? I was planning on winning! How could America vote me off? Didn’t people like me? I’ve given my all to this. What happened to the dream? The plan? The second I “got the boot,” it felt like my heart took a dagger and poisoned me with embarrassment, grief, and straight up pain and confusion! I was just so, so sad. And I was so mad that I had come this far only for this to happen. This left me feeling so crappy!

BRAVE & BEAUTIFUL

It’s been 13 years since that moment of elimination, and rejection still hurts. But this is what I want to say about rejection; although it is disguised as the Big Bad Wolf, it can be one of our biggest helpers. It’s the friend who may have a prickly personality but can have your back. On the other side of rejection is a new path, a new idea, and a stronger and a happier you if you learn how to respond to it well. Rejection can tell you what to change, what to forgive, what to let go of, or what to hold onto. The mistake I made after my big elimination was that I let rejection sit around me like a blob of jello that complained all the time. It took over my thoughts and started telling me who I was and what I was going to be. Until one day, I spoke to rejection and said “I can’t just let you take up my space. I need to put you to work.” So, I started writing. Something I had never done before, but I did have this really unique, funny and bizarre experience of being on a

reality show. How many people can say that? I wrote out the funny, hard, painful moments, and the moments I wished would have happened. Thirteen years later, I wrote a movie called AMERICAN REJECT. I also produced it and starred in it! If someone would have told me on elimination night that this rejection would end up taking me from being a sad actor to launching a writing and producing career while building my acting career, I wouldn’t have believed you for a second! I say all this because I would never have stepped into these areas of creativity without rejection. People usually don’t step out and take risks because of the fear of failure and rejection. I get that. We want to protect ourselves. But I ask you: What do you have that you wish you could do that you haven’t done because of fear of rejection? Think of the thing you think you could be ridiculed for or possibly unfollowed on Instagram because of. Harsh. I know. Is it picking up a guitar? Sewing your own clothes? Sharing your poetry? Writing or performing a song? What is it? And if the mockery, fear and rejection were actually your helpers and the fuel to your engine, would you do it?

After I had finished the movie, I was on a run around the park near our house. I felt the feeling of “it is finished.” I could see and understand the entire bigger picture. I thought I was on the show to win and begin my big Broadway career. I realized that though I was on the show and rejected, that rejection gave me the inspiration to make this movie. If I had not been rejected, none of this would have happened. It was all about me ultimately making this movie to inspire others. The reality show was just the beginning. I was blown away that all along, I was destined to for this - something so much bigger than what I could see then. The next time rejection sinks in and tries to talk to you, talk back! Say, “Hey, how are you here to help me? What have you got for me today?” Let rejection teach you, help you, and guide you. You may be in for something in your future that is beyond your wildest dreams. I hope you can find your past rejections today, look them in the eye, and say, “Let’s get to work!”

When you are facing a scary situation or find yourself overwhelmed with anxiety, pause.

DEEPER AND DEEPER STILL

Grow Deep Roots

When the winds of life roar against you and the negative “what ifs” torment your mind, pause. When it feels like you are drowning in fear, pause. Perhaps this is an opportunity to catch your bearings. Plant your feet and dig your toes more solidly into the soil of hope and grow your roots deeper. Like a tree, allow the storms to anchor

yourself with deeper roots. Yes, it is true you may bend in the storm, and some branches may even fall off, but you can arise stronger if you hold onto hope. Will you use such moments to allow your roots of fortitude to grow deeper, and deeper still? Yes! You can! Believe you will!

Talk r to you… soul

“Do not anticipate trouble or worry about what may never happen.” BENJAMIN FRANKLIN

BRAVE & BEAUTIFUL

ACTIVITY What are the three biggest things that cause you anxiety?

What three things would you love to do if you weren’t afraid?

Draw or describe someone you know who is often content and at peace.

What are some things you are very fearful of?

TRY THIS WHEN YOU FEEL ANXIOUS OR AFRAID: 1.

Try smiling. I know it may feel silly to do so, but there have been medical studies that showed that smiling can actually reduce stress!

“Peace begins with a smile.” MOTHER THERESA 2.

Stand up in a superhero stance for a minute with your legs slightly spread apart, chest out, chin up, and hands on your waist with your arms angled out. Science research has shown that standing this way alters our brain chemistry, so we feel more confident and fearless!

Declare a positive affirmation out loud such as, “I will get through this!” or “I am brave and believe everything will work out!” You can create your own affirmation that relates to your situation.

Take a walk, exercise, or do something fun that “fills you” and brings you joy. Many times, getting active, walking in the sunlight, seeing the vast sky can give our brains a reset to see things in a different perspective that brings us peace.

“Be sure you put your feet in the right place, then stand firm.” ABRAHAM LINCOLN

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B RAVE & B EAUTI FU L JOU RN EY: SH E CRI ES

“If we can laugh, fine. And if we’ve got to cry, CHARLES BUKOWSKI

JOU RN EY 02 • CHAPTER 10

we’ve got to cry.”

Doodle something that makes you SAD or expresses what sadness looks like to you.

Let Your Feelings Be Known.

GOOD GRIEF! BY SHERYL SARMENTO Professional Counselor

BRAVE & BEAUTIFUL

I’ve had many losses in life. My parents divorced when I was an infant, and I went from house to house throughout my childhood. I changed schools, neighborhoods, and houses more times than I could ever count. With every change, there were multiple losses. I did not know what to do with my feelings,

so I numbed them through drugs, alcohol, and other forms of escape. I eventually learned how to deal with my sadness and grief. Many people do not know how to grieve and do not understand that grief is good.

WE ALL HAVE LOSSES IN LIFE:

Have you experienced any of these losses? Check off the ones in your life.

o loss of a pet. o loss of a parent through death or divorce.

o loss of someone you were close to through death or move in location.

SOME COMMON SYMPTOMS OF GRIEF • Heaviness in the chest or tightness in the throat.

• Unexpected outbursts of anger or crying.

• An ‘empty feeling’ or loss of appetite.

• Difficulty concentrating on a task at hand.

• Feeing guilt over something said or done, or something left unsaid or undone.

• A feeling that the loss isn’t real and didn’t happen at all.

o loss of a relationship or

• Intense anger at the person for dying, and later feelings of guilt for being angry.

o loss of hopes and dreams.

• Mood changes over the slightest situations.

friendship.

o loss of popularity on social media and more.

All these losses cause sadness that affects us in one way or another. When a loss happens, it causes something called grief. Grief creates a deep sadness. That sadness has to go somewhere and often resides in our heart, our mind, and our body. It is easy to be happy and excited with people who have something to be happy about, but have you ever tried to cry with someone who is crying and to be sad with someone who is sad? That is exactly what we are supposed to do… weep with those that weep, cry with those who are sad and who need to cry. We naturally want to help a grieving person “fix their pain,” but this can be more hurtful than helpful. Saying things like, “They are in a better place,” or “Don't be sad,” or “Just try to be happy,” are all things that are counterproductive, even if we have good intentions. What helps grieving people to heal is being a good listener, allowing them to express their feelings, and letting sadness come out in ways that will help them heal.

• Sleeplessness or troubling dreams or sleeping too much. • A need to retell and remember things about their loved one, to a point of repetition that becomes a burden to others.

HERE ARE SOME WAYS WE MIGHT TRY TO AVOID OUR GRIEF • Taking drugs and alcohol.

• Overeating.

• Having sex with multiple partners.

• Addiction to social media.

• Watching pornography.

• Depression.

• Escaping into playing video games.

• Isolating from others.

• Cutting.

• Suicidal thoughts.

HERE IS WHAT YOU CAN DO INSTEAD: 1. Recognize and acknowledge your loss or losses. Take time and make time to grieve. 2. Interestingly, historically in the Jewish culture, people made time to grieve. The average grief period was 30 days minimum. In today's world, 30 days may not be possible for you; do what you can to carve out times where you can really focus on grieving.

5. If you like to express yourself creatively, draw or paint a picture, write a poem, write a song, do a craft, or create a dance to express yourself. The creative arts can help bring healing. 6. Look at pictures, make a collage, watch a movie or do something that reminds you of your loss and helps you to cry to get those feelings out.

3. Find a grief group or a close friend who can acknowledge your grief, listen to you without trying to fix your pain, and just be with you through your grief journey. If you go to church, you can ask for prayer.

7. Prepare yourself on birthdays, holidays, and whatever other days might bring back memories of your loss. Try to be with someone or do something that will help you get through that day.

4. Journal about your loss and how it makes you feel. Be honest and don't hold anything back. Grief often causes anger, especially if there was something unjust that happened to cause the grief. Writing your feelings and thoughts down can help release some of that pain.

8. You can ask for professional help and find a good counselor or mentor who can help you walk through the journey to wholeness.

Sometimes, it is so good just to cry it all out. There is healing in crying tears.

DECLARATION TO RELEASE TEARS BY SHERYL SARMENTO

I declare that tears are good because they help us to heal. Tears are a gift and are not to be suppressed. Shedding tears is not a weakness, and it will even make me stronger when I do release those tears. I have nothing to be ashamed of when I cry alone or in a crowd of people.

BRAVE & BEAUTIFUL

Men and women alike need to cry. Tears are one way that our body naturally releases our emotions and causes a cleansing feeling in the process. Today, I commit myself to the grief process fully and will do whatever else I need to do in addition to shedding tears to be healed of the losses in my life.

SADNESS. LONELINESS. HOPE. Navigating Loneliness BY ABI KROONTJE

t was not until I was 28 years old that I went on my first official date…ever. I always thought, well maybe it’s because I’m not pretty enough, because I’m not skinny enough. There must be something wrong with me, which is why I’m never the one chosen, why I’m always the pursuer and never the pursued. There was a deep loneliness that I felt that ached within my heart. I was longing to be loved. The loneliness of singleness is just one type of loneliness. There are many other reasons that loneliness finds a doorway to settle into our hearts.

moments are never wasted if we stop to recognize what it is we can learn from it.

• Conflict With Family: Maybe you feel like the people who should be closest with you don’t/can’t understand what you’re going through.

We feel that ache of loneliness in our hearts because we desire to be in authentic relationships with others. It is a strength to realize that we need people! To fully be independent, or fully dependent is not healthy. But a healthy amount of interdependence can open doors to a more fulfilling, impactful, and purposeful life. I know that we can rationalize in our heads that sometimes we would be better off without any close relationships because of the hurt and pain that they could potentially bring into our lives. But I would challenge you to look at the people who don’t have any close relationships with others. Many times, they are often cynical, grouchy, closed-off, and unhappy. No one enjoys being around them and “strong” is not a word that most people would use to describe them.

• Romantic Relationship: Maybe you look around at all the seemingly “perfect” couples on social media or in movies and feel that longing to be pursued by someone in that same way.

For a variety of reasons, people will come in and out of our lives and we’ll go through seasons of loneliness. However, we can choose how we want to go through those seasons and the things we want to prioritize in those times.

• Loss of a Loved One: Maybe you recently lost someone who was really close to you and you feel a deep void now that they’re gone.

Pursue meaningful relationships with authentic people.

• Close Friendships: Maybe you wish you had that close type of friend/s who really get you and who you can fully be your crazy self with.

Most, if not all of us, have felt varying degrees of loneliness at some point in our life. I used to think that my loneliness would be solved if only I had a boyfriend who loved me. But then I got a boyfriend, we got married, moved away from all of my friends and family, and I felt lonely again—even though my amazing husband treats me like a queen. Navigating loneliness is not easy, but it is worth it. It gives you time to build within yourself a foundation for the community that you want to be a part of. It is precious. It is deepening. It builds a grit that doesn’t come from times of lavishness, safety, or comfort. I find that seasons of loneliness can reveal deeper things in me if I take the time and the courage to process through it. Hard

I remember having a tight knit group of friends that formed during a time in my church youth group. We would constantly hang out with one another, laugh, play games, and we would never get bored of our time together. A friend of mine invited his co-worker to play volleyball with us on Sunday nights. I remember her being incredibly shy, and closed-off at first, but she kept coming out. She seemed to really enjoy herself and we could see her really open up. We became really great friends and later she shared with me that she had never been in such an amazing group of people before. She was super skeptical at first, unsure of why people were so nice, thinking that we just wanted something out of her. But we didn’t. We wanted to freely love her, not expecting anything in return. She had never experienced that type of community before.

We take great time and care towards the things that we prioritize in life. When we recognize the importance and meaningfulness of relationships, then we will shape our life to reflect this value. Relationships take hard work, and they take time. They take vulnerability—a willingness to be open and warm with people. If you are in the midst of a season of loneliness, take this time to reflect on the kind of community you want to be in. Our communities begin to reflect the type of people we are. What type of person do you genuinely want to be and what type of people will that attract? Then begin to shape your life to reflect these values. You must recognize that this type of authentic community doesn’t come overnight. It is a process of perseverance and can take time. This I know for sure. I am thankful for the seasons of loneliness as they taught me a lot about myself. But we were designed to thrive in community with other people, so invest well. When I was single, I had time to invest into my relationship with my girlfriends. I would ask them out for coffee or dinner dates to try different restaurants. Other times I’d offer to help them with projects they were doing, or we’d volunteer at non-profit events together. This furthered the time we spent together, and it helped us to do something that allowed us to care for other people. This is how I pursued community. As someone who is now married, my husband and I invite people over to our house for dinner and games, or to watch movies. We set aside a part of our paycheck so that we can purposefully be generous to other people. No matter the season, this value of relationships is a priority in our life, and we shape our lives and character to reflect that.

BRAVE & BEAUTIFUL

Spend some time processing how loneliness can actually be viewed as a gift to you… 1.

What would you want your community to look like?

Who are people that you would want to be in community with? What characteristics about them attract you? Do you possess those same qualities? If not, how could you grow in those areas?

What are areas of your life that you thought would fill your loneliness? Did they end up satisfying you? Why do you think humans feel lonely?

Do you have a relationship in your life (family, friends, boyfriend, etc.) where you have experienced being truly loved for who you are? What did that feel like?

How can you use the time you have now to invest into other relationships?

You can use this season to develop yourself as an individual before needing to care for someone else or needing to be cared for by them. You can find out who you are so that you are secure and confident when someone comes along, knowing that you don’t have to be someone else in order to be someone who can receive their love.

I feel so alone

We all want to have a place to belong. So many of us feel lonely at times, longing for loving connection with others That is a human need—to love and be loved. Sometimes we can feel lonely in a crowd. Did you know even the most famous, successful people can feel lonely? Know that you are not alone in your situation of feeling lonely! Think of someone you could reach out to and share your heart. Think of creative ideas you can act upon to grow and bloom even in the midst of feeling alone!

M IND F UL LET T ERING Trace the lettering - it does not have to be perfect! Enjoy the process of creative lettering

BRAVE & BEAUTIFUL

Action Steps

YOU GO GIRL! LET’S WALK IT OUT. ••

she is Brave & Beautiful you!

She Releases. She Stands. She Cries.

CHOOSE ONE OR MORE OF THE FOLLOWING ACTIONS STEPS: 1. Doing a symbolic physical act can help us to

release our tears, anger, unforgiveness, and pain.

Try one of these activities to release forgiveness towards someone you are having difficulty

2. The following activity can help us with the fears we struggle with:

•

Pick a favorite quote addressing fear.

•

Name it! Name the fear you have.

forgiving.

•

Go to a beach or lake and gather rocks along the shore. The rocks symbolize the pain and

unforgiveness you are carrying. Throw the rocks

one by one into the water as far as you can,

releasing your burdens in your mind as each rock leaves your hand.

•

Write your thoughts about forgiveness on a

biodegradable helium-filled balloon. Go outside

and let the balloon go and watch it as it rises to the sky.

•

• Think of a positive step to face your fear and take that step, even if it is a small one.

3. If you realize you have not allowed yourself to

grieve over a loss in your life—take 10-15 minutes

alone each day for a week to think about your loss. During the 15 minutes, you could:

• Journal your feelings and thoughts. •

Write a letter (it will NOT be given to them) to

by choosing to forgive them or express your

desire to be free from unforgiveness. Then, rip the paper up into tiny pieces and throw it into

the trash as a symbol of letting the burden go.

If you lost a loved one, look over old photos or

old letters/emails, and recall fond memories you

shared. Allow yourself to cry.

the person who hurt you and be raw and real in

expressing your anger and pain. End the letter

Read it aloud.

• •

Write a poem or goodbye letter to the person or pet you lost.

Listen to a song that touches your heart in a

good way. Let the tears flow.

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PART 2

You are on a life journey from being hidden to being

Welcome to the next section of Brave and Beautiful

seen, and from seed to bloom. Take a moment to

where you will be encouraged to bloom right where

celebrate every step you make towards maturing and

you are planted and in every season of your life. As you

growing—You were meant to blossom.

bloom, you will encounter resistance to your growth

What does it take for a flower seed to bloom? At first, a seed is hidden. Over time, a seed becomes buried in soil. Then the seed must burst open—but that is just the beginning! The plant then senses the heat from the sunlight above, and the moisture of the soil creates the

—whether it be external trials that come your way or whether you struggle with the turmoil of the rough emotional seas of the heart.

You will

environment for it to push forth outwards and upwards. •

gain strength for the journey—yes you will need it!

•

learn ways to protect your heart so you grow

However, as the plant pushes upward, it meets resistance—the weight of soil that surrounds it. It also

healthy, strong, and tall.

must find a pathway through rubble and rocks that may block its way. That takes perseverance.

•

receive essentials for blooming in every season

The plant also has protective layers in its design as it

of life so you can release your gorgeous color to a

grows. Then, over time, the plant blooms…imagine

sometimes black and white world.

yourself blooming in full color in glorious display.

BRAVE & BEAUTIFUL

She She She

Perseveres Protects Blooms

She Persev

BRAVE & BEAUTIFUL

B RAVE & B EAUTI FU L JOU RN EY: SH E PERSEVERES

“Life is not easy for any of us. But what of that? We must

have perseverance and above

all confidence in ourselves. We

must believe that we are gifted for something and that this

thing must be attained.” MARIE CURIE

JOU RN EY 02 • CHAPTER 11

veres.

DARE TO WALK ON WATER BY SILVIA HOFFMANBECK

ow many times do we hear that unique and unforgettable people are determined to defy the status quo of society, go against the current, and choose the road less traveled? Those people did not only withstand the status quo but by defying the laws of nature, they went against the currents of society, breaking the glass ceiling. They figuratively walked on water! The only thing that set them apart from others is that they dared to be different and did not settle for the status quo. When we go to school, we tend to follow trends. We can start believing society's lies that vanity equals success. Nothing is further from the truth! Open your eyes and look around to see the truth from the lies. Contrary to what society tries to portray, vanity does not equal happiness. On the other hand, a truly victorious life is carved with vision, one step at a time. Dedicate yourself to mastering your talents and passions wherever life finds you. Because there is no perfection in life, we persevere through the storms that come. Learn how to handle problems wisely and work hard to reach your full potential. Be patient and gentle with yourself in the process. Remember that no one is perfect on this earth.

BRAVE & BEAUTIFUL

Dare to reach for the stars while understanding that it will require perseverance. Life is not only about the destination. It is also about the process of growing, enjoying the journey, and taking steps forward. Do not doubt yourself, fall into negative peer pressure, or listen to voices that tear you down. You will start sinking when you see yourself through the

mirror of negative comments. It is possible that your ‘best self’ will be able to see how fearless, powerful, and beautiful you are. Looking at yourself in the mirror with true love for yourself will help you to shine. Your beauty can have a lasting effect! Who do you choose to believe? Is it the mirror that does not reflect the actual image of your true self? Or “the mirror

Walking On Water. Painting by Silvia Hoffmanbeck

of your best self” that reflects your power, bravery, and beauty? Do you see your glow from the inside out with joy and confidence? Sometimes as you push through the challenges of life, you need to consider who you are surrounding yourself with. Dare to walk away from unhealthy and abusive people or relationships. I know it is hard to persevere through

the stormy seas of life alone without support. Reach out and receive help from those who are trustworthy and wise. Your future is worth fighting for because 20 years from now, the only one who can help guarantee success is you… in the best version of yourself. It all starts now by making the right choices to become the best person you could ever be. Choose to push forward

despite your fears. Reach for your dreams and full potential, becoming the most extraordinary woman you could have ever dreamed of being. Dare to be your best friend, telling yourself how amazing and strong you are. Persevere through the storms of life and walk on water!

Heartbreak to Hope

BY THAYS LIMA, AUTHOR OF LUST FOR LOVE

Persevering through trials can be an up and down battle at times. We can have the raw emotions of feeling hopeless, deflated, discouraged, fearful, worried, angry or overwhelmed. We can even struggle with tormenting cynical and negative thoughts—after all, we are human! Random thoughts can sometimes swirl through our minds—but they express what is going on inside of us. Sometimes we can feel like taking a mental break and simply sit down and pause in the midst of the journey and ruminate in the observations and conclusions we make about what we see around us. Yet ,we can still speak to ourselves to get up once again to push forward with hope and a dream. This poem expresses the thought process of one brave young woman who journeyed from heartbreak to hope. Maybe you can connect to some of her words.

Nobody is perfect, but perfection is what we strive for.. Right when i really try to; My failures are looking back at me like - “Who are you??” Some people's integrity is going extinct, Never did i think that i'd be in a place where the choices i made, The risks i've taken, have been paid off in patience. Maybe it's the messes, The tests, the long days of being stressed, Not knowing if your friend is really a friend Or a snake slithering in the grass. But heartbreaks make us. They're a chance being given to our soul to replace parts, Being taken from the core of our faint hearts. And fear makes you do things you don't want to do. Questioning in your heart the only thing you know is true. Scared to be yourself, but that was a younger you. What really has changed though, if a front is what you put out too? "Happily married" is something many in our generation don't know about. Many parents are either not together or are but in doubt. Egos are high and true happiness is low. Some stay for the kids until everything explodes.

BRAVE & BEAUTIFUL

Generations of structure being broken down. It's not your fault if your parents are still in doubt, But you can't blame them for what you wish to have learned about. Growing up together is something that we should share. Listening with an open mind and not a judgement in your glare. I pray we live with no regrets. The moments we invest need to be selfless, To inspire change in the hearts of the helpless. True love is the only answer because it always wins!

JOURNAL Journal your thoughts about the concept of persevering. Here are some ideas for journaling, but feel free to journal what you want to: • Write about a past experience when you had to persevere through a difficult situation or season. What did you learn from that experience. • Journal about a current challenge you are persevering through. • Write your own poem about perseverance—be creative. Share your raw emotions and thoughts! • Draw a picture of what perseverance looks like to you.

doodle

STRUGGLING WITH SUICIDE TO SUNNY-SIDE-UP BY DAWN O’BRIEN

e are all just children trying to find home. I was nine when my parents got divorced. Done were the years of fights, cold shoulders, unspoken words, and the YELLING! You’d think it would have gotten better, but it was like jumping from a hot sidewalk into lava.

My Mom had custody of me and three little sisters. When we got to the airport, she said goodbye. She had a one-way to California; we were headed to live with her family in a poor country. We soon found ourselves in dark places—hungry, abandoned, bullied, and abused, even sexually. And so alone. There was no help or hope; just bad and worse. DARK PLACES

Many of us experience various types of trauma growing up. Trauma is just a word for intense bad things that happen to good kids and can cause them to make bad choices, like self-harm and suicide, or smoking, drinking, drugging, etc. Toxic stress from these traumas can damage brain development (yikes!) and is linked to mental illness and chronic health problems later in life.

BRAVE & BEAUTIFUL

The CDC (Center for Disease Control) Kaiser Permanente Adverse Childhood Experiences (ACE) Study is one of the largest research studies that investigated the connection between childhood traumas and later-life health and well-being. This study focused on 10 common traumas naming them Adverse Childhood Experiences known as ACEs. Have you experienced any of the following 10 ACEs? (experienced before a person turns 18 years old)

o Physical Abuse (Were you often

slapped, shoved, grabbed, or ever hit so hard that it left marks or injured you?)

o Emotional abuse (Were you often

sworn at, put down, or humiliated or made to feel afraid of being physically hurt?)

o Sexual Abuse (Did an adult or person at least 5 years older than you ever touch your body in a sexual way or attempt or actually have oral, anal, or vaginal intercourse with you?) o Physical Neglect (Did you often not

have enough to eat, have to wear dirty

clothes, have no protection, or were you not given medical attention when you needed it?)

o Psychological neglect (Did you often

feel that nobody in your family loved you or thought you were special, or your family members did not feel close or did not support each other?)

o Addiction (Was anyone in your

household a problem drinker, an alcoholic, or addicted to street drugs?)

o Mental illness (Did a household

member suffer with depression, mental illness or attempt suicide?)

o Your mother treated violently (Did you often witness your mother treated with physical violence or threatened with a weapon?) o Separation/divorce of parents (Did you parents ever get separated or divorced?) o Incarcerated (Did a household member ever go to prison?)

Having ONE is damaging to a child; a high score is four or more. How many do you have? Being mindful of this may

help you to seek healing and resolve root issues in a winning way to possibly avoid health issues later in life. I have nine of the 10, so I joke that I’m a poster child for ACEs. I “aced” the ACEs test, LOL! What’s not funny is the bad choices I made and dark places I ended up. Like jail. Or my darkest and loneliest place: suicide.

SUNNY SIDE UP!

When I turned 14, I was over being a throwaway kid in a dumpster world. I planned my suicide for a Sunday afternoon. I walked into a church and heard a hope-filled message. My life flipped upside-right from death and darkness to life and light. It’s a roller coaster ride as I’m still working it

out…but OH THE RIDE! Friend, you’re reading this for a reason: you need to know that you are valuable beyond the mess and darkness. You DO have a future and a hope, and there IS HELP! YOU ARE NOT ALONE!

Find a trusted teacher, family member, or school counselor and get help! There are people in your community who care and want to help and support you!

“The most beautiful people we have known are those who have known defeat, known suffering, known struggle, known loss, and have found their way out of the depths. These persons have an appreciation, a sensitivity, and an understanding of life that fills them with compassion, gentleness, and a deep loving concern. Beautiful people do not just happen.” ELISABETH KUBLER-ROSS

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BRAVE & BEAUTIFUL

B RAVE & B EAUTI FU L JOU RN EY: SH E PROTECTS

Guard your heart and treasure yourself.

JOU RN EY 02 • CHAPTER 12

ects.

GUARDING YOUR HEART BY CHARIS LOGAN

“Guard your heart. It’s a precious thing that not everyone deserves.” UNKNOWN

hen I was a teenager, I’m pretty sure I was the only one who was not allowed to have a boyfriend…and actually didn’t. From even before middle school, my parents had many conversations with my brothers and I about how the purpose of dating is for marriage, so we were not allowed to date until after we graduated from high school. “Just have fun,” they said. “Save yourself the needless heartache and drama. Just have lots of friends of the opposite gender. And guard your heart!” And we listened. Yes, there was a bit of fear in me of getting in trouble, but even more than that, I respected my parents and didn’t ever want anything to get in between us, which I knew a lie of that size would. Although that was in place, it was definitely not easy to fulfill this commitment. I was a “late bloomer” and guys didn’t start to notice me until 9th grade. Up until then I just saw myself as “the friend” and truly didn’t mind it. Of course, all that changed when I started to notice that guys were starting to notice me. Just don’t tell them, they would say. It could be our little secret. But I would confidently stay firm on my decision, to which they’d reply: Well, don’t worry…I’ll wait for you.

BRAVE & BEAUTIFUL

I can’t tell you just how many times I heard that same conversation play out. But what became even more predictable was when they would inevitably grow tired of waiting and move on to the next girl who was ready to be their girlfriend. And yes, it hurt every time. Every. Single. Time.

HERE ARE SOME TIPS ON HOW TO GUARD YOUR H.E.A.R.T. ESPECIALLY WHEN YOU DO START DATING:

It was not easy to see and hear about how this guy who seemed so interested in me—who told me that I was beautiful and amazing and worth the wait—was now dating and doing a lot of other unmentionable things with another girl (you know how word gets around). I was crushed.

Honesty

But each time it happened, I grew stronger, and I learned something very important about boys: Never trust what a guy says; trust what he does. Looking back on my teenage years, I can honestly say that I have no regrets when it comes to the guy arena. There’s never a day that I look back and wish that I had disobeyed my parents and dated. Seeing the guy’s true motive and character (after the fact), I’m pretty sure I know how it would’ve ended— needless heartache. I grew up hearing people quote a famous Hebraic Proverb, telling me to “guard my heart,” but I never really knew what that meant. Sure, it sounded good, but what did it actually look like? Only after being well into my adult years did I realize that my experiences of not dating as a teenager actually helped to equip me in guarding my heart. When I started dating, heartache did come along with it, but thankfully (for the most part) it wasn’t needless. You want to guard your heart because it is so precious and valuable. When you do this, a Hebraic Proverb says it will determine the course of your life.

Be honest with yourself and with others. You don’t have to tell the whole world when you are crushing on someone but begin by being honest with yourself! And as this crush starts to evolve, be honest with a few trustworthy individuals. Once you start to hide things, it gets easier to rationalize and justify poor choices, and deceit only leads to a bad relationship.

Emotions come second Your emotions and feelings for someone aren’t necessarily controllable, but your actions are. You may have heard the term “Follow your heart,” but what I like to say in this situation is, “Don’t follow your heart (emotions/feelings), follow your head!” Don’t let your emotions rule you and make the decisions for you. One of the best ways to guard your heart and have a clear head when trying to figure out if this person is for you is to not let the relationship get sexual. I know that it’s hard to not hold hands and hug for hours (and then all the other stuff too)! But trust me, when we get sexually involved, it messes with our head and all of a sudden, things are not so clear anymore.

Allow others in Allow others into your life. Don’t be afraid to set boundaries for your relationship. Physical, emotional, and psychological boundaries are all important and you should never feel bad for setting them. But the truth is that boundaries are always hard to keep! This is why we need other people involved in our lives—no person was meant to be an island.

Get someone that you respect, love and want to imitate to help keep you accountable to the boundaries that you set. I believe that accountability starts with YOU. Accountability is taking ownership for our actions and allowing someone else to know about it. You may have heard the phrase “Don’t ask, don’t tell” but with accountability, the phrase should be “Don’t ask, DO tell.” This basically means that even if your “accountability partner” isn’t asking all the hard questions, you have assumed the responsibility to share ALL. Just because they didn’t ask the right question doesn’t mean that you don’t share it. Another good way to determine if this person is the one for you is to have others around. Let this person hang out with your friends and hang out with theirs. This is a good way to see how this person interacts with others. Does this person act the same way with different groups of friends? That will reveal a lot about their character.

Risk management High Risk Management is a business term that is used when a business is venturing out and it basically means that before they make any big decisions or changes, they must consider all the RISKS (e.g., liability, accidents, uncertainty in economy and finances, natural disasters, etc.). The same thing should be implemented in the process of a relationship. Because your heart is so precious, you should

take into considerations all the RISKS. Taking it to the next level could jeopardize your friendship, you risk getting your heart broken, or maybe people talking about you. It’s wisdom to consider all the risks before making a big decision like this.

Trust the process Taking things slowly may seem very insecure and scary but know that you can TRUST THE PROCESS. Are you just trying to not be single or are you trying to be in a meaningful, longlasting relationship? If your desire is the latter, you can trust the process. You don’t have to be afraid of your partner losing feelings for you, because if there really is something special there, it will only grow stronger! Part of this process is working on yourself. Be proactive in studying and learning signs of a healthy relationship versus being in a controlling or co-dependent relationship. Lastly, we all have an idea of what we want in a partner. If you’re like how I was, my “list” was VERY long lol! Patient, kind, strong, healthy…having a list is good, but I want to challenge you to BE WHAT YOU WANT. We can have a list that goes on forever, but we need to BE all of those things before putting that expectation on someone else. So, trust the process and work on YOU. Let a person who is worthy of your heart work hard to prove their worthiness. You are precious and loved and deserving of only the best!

KNOW THE SIGNS! BY MICHELE OKIMURA

You may recognize many of the following names: Reese Witherspoon Rhianna Oprah Winfrey

Tina Turner

Whitney Houston

Gwyneth Paltrow

Halle Berry

Mariah Cary

Madonna

Charlize Theron

What do these celebrities have in common? They were all at one time the victim in an abusive relationship. Becoming involved in an abusive relationship is more common than you think! I recently had coffee with a girlfriend who shared about her abusive boyfriend that she had as a young adult woman. Her boyfriend had been mentally, emotionally, physically, and sexually abusive towards her for years. She eventually got out of it, but she went through a long journey of healing. She now works in a business office along with several other young adult women co-workers. She shared that she observed her coworkers’ behavior over many months—like how they would nervously rush to answer their phone and other behaviors she used to have when she was in an abusive relationship. She had her suspicions… and her hunches proved correct as over time, 11 of the women confessed they were in abusive relationships with their boyfriends! She tried to be of help to them. Wow. It can be that common.

BRAVE & BEAUTIFUL

One key way to avoid being involved in an abusive relationship is to learn what makes up a healthy relationship. Invest in learning what a healthy, respectful, honoring, loving relationship looks like! You might wonder, well why on earth would someone get involved with an abusive partner? The relationship typically does not begin that way. Usually, the new friend is initially kind, friendly, charming, and loving. So, you can see how a person can get easily bonded to their new partner—even fall in love in the beginning stages of their relationship. KNOW THE SIGNS

This article is written to equip you to protect yourself from getting involved in an abusive relationship—and to seek help if you are in one. Another reason for this article is that maybe you are a friend of someone who may be in an abusive relationship, and you can do your part to help in some way—even if it is to encourage your abused friend to get help to leave their toxic relationship. It is best to be aware of the early signs of an abusive relationship, since it is easier to leave a controlling, abusive relationship early on rather than after a long period of time. If you are in an abusive relationship, you may find yourself often feeling fearful, anxious, hopeless, shame, confused, depressed, and guilty in the relationship. You may also suffer with nightmares due to the trauma you are experiencing.

Warning Signs

• The person displays a violent temper and physically hurts you in anger. • Displays cruelty to animals or children. MENTAL/EMOTIONAL ABUSE

This happens when a person is controlling, manipulating, and intimidating in the relationship. This type of abuse causes the victim to feel mental stress and fear. Warning Signs

• A little jealousy can be normal, but extreme jealousy is a red flag. They are possessive and always want to know where you are and who you are with. • They have a very bad temper. They yell and swear when angry. • They act like they know what is best for you. • They want you to focus on their needs and how they feel, showing little or no concern for your needs and how you feel. • They try to isolate you from your friends and family over time, so they have you to themselves. • They ‘silence’ your voice and you don’t get to have a say in a lot of matters. They don’t respect your opinions. • They act like they can do no wrong and nothing is their fault.

There are 3 main types of abuse:

• They blame you for their behavior and think they can act the way they do because they are justified.

PHYSICAL ABUSE

• They twist the truth making you question your recollections.

This happens when a person is physically hurt through means such as kicking, hitting, choking or pinching.

• There is growing control over your life such as how you dress, your schedule, and your activities. In

HOW TO SUPPORT A FRIEND IN AN ABUSIVE RELATIONSHIP

extreme cases, even permission to go to the restroom is required by the abuser. • They try to manipulate you by threats to harm themself. They may even threaten to kill themself if you leave them or don’t do what they ask. Remember, you are not their savior. Such behavior is a sign they need more professional help. • They threaten to hurt you or hurt someone you care about if you do not do what they want you to do. • They ridicule, criticize, and put down you down regularly. They are sarcastic. • They publicly humiliate you. • They act nice to you when they want something. Sometimes they act very nice after abusing you, but the ‘niceness’ only lasts for a time before they are abusive once again. SEXUAL ABUSE

This can happen in nonconsensual or unwanted sexual behaviors. Warning Signs

• You are forced to watch pornography when you don’t want to. • Your partner inappropriately touches you and forces you to have sex (rape) without your consent.

It can be a challenge and bit tricky to know how to help a friend who you suspect or know of who is in an abusive relationship. The main thing is to be there to support them. Let them know you are there should they want to leave the relationship. You can be a resource to them for outside professional help in helping them to leave the relationship safely. It is ultimately their choice to leave the relationship or not. Yet, you can be a supportive friend in the process.

LEAVING THE RELATIONSHIP CAN BE THE MOST DANGEROUS TIME If you are in an abusive relationship, many times leaving the relationship can be a most dangerous time due to threats to harm you or those you care about. The abuser may very well carry out their threats, so it is important to get professional and expert help in creating and implementing a safe plan for you to leave. Advocate for yourself and your needs. Look for resources and find people you can safely share with and ask for help. You are not alone! You do not have to go through this by yourself. Look into counseling and support services. You deserve to be treated with honor and respect, brave and beautiful one!

WHERE TO GET HELP

Call the National Domestic Violence Hotline available 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, 365 days a year. 1-800-799-7233

• Your partner makes you feel guilty or fearful if you don’t comply to their demands—they manipulate you with their words to get you to do what they want. • Your partner forcibly takes off your clothes or makes you do things sexually that you don’t want to do.

In the same way, if we are striving to be good, lovely, and admirable people we have to be careful about what we add or mix into our minds and hearts. Zig Ziglar, a well-known motivational speaker, says it this way:

“You are what you are and where you are because of what has gone into your mind. You can change what you are and where you are by changing what goes into your mind.”

HAVE YOUR CAKE AND EAT IT TOO!

Protecting Your Heart BY ELISA NAKAMURA

Whenever I am in a new situation: moving to a new town, starting a new job, joining a new group, this cake has been a sure-fire way to make new friendships! Pre-heat oven to 350 degrees F˚

1 1 3 8 ½ 1

box chocolate cake mix (devil's food or regular chocolate) box chocolate pudding mix large eggs ounces sour cream cup oil cup water

Put all ingredients together in a bowl and mix until combined (batter may be slightly lumpy). Add 2 cups chocolate chips & mix. Spray a bundt pan with non-stick spray, then pour batter evenly into the pan. Bake for 1 hour, turn the oven off and open the door slightly. Allow the cake to remain in the oven for another hour with the heat off.

To serve: Remove cake from the oven and place a plate face down over the top so

that it covers the entire pan. Flip the pan & plate over together and remove the pan just before serving. This cake is rich enough to serve without icing, but if you want you can heat 1 cup of chocolate chips and 1/2 cup of whipping cream on low, whisking gently until a creamy chocolate glaze forms. Drizzle this over the cake before serving.

Optional: Go into the yard and get a teeny tiny piece of dog poop and add it to your

batter. No one will ever see it or even taste it. It will just be your little secret.

Wait! No! Who would ever ever do that? Of course you wouldn't want to make or

eat anything like that! Gross! You only want good, wholesome and delicious things in your cake, right?

BRAVE & BEAUTIFUL

So, we need to be selective about what we allow ourselves to watch, listen to and contemplate. We may tell ourselves, “Well it's only this one horror movie” or “That pornography is just my little secret” or “the sarcastic angry YouTuber is just funny.” But all of that is going into the mix of our souls. Mahatma Ghandi said, “True beauty consists of purity of heart.” Protecting what comes in through the windows of our eyes and ears—being picky about what you let into your mind and heart is a smart move. But what if you already have a bunch of junk in there? Good news—unlike a cake batter that’s already been mixed, there is a way to get the junk out of us. Just as you eat and wash every day, you can be deliberate about feeding your mind with good, noble, and admirable ideas. Additionally, you can work to “clean out” your mind by refusing to go over and over a past mistake in your mind; you can refuse to let the voices in your head tear you down. When those damaging thoughts start running around in your head, try saying out loud, “I am so grateful that I am not the person I used to be. I can learn from the past, but it doesn’t define me. I am excited about who I am becoming.” Choose to pour courageous, kind, wholesome, generous, and beautiful ideas into yourself. Now that’s a sweet recipe!

“

Love everyone, but don’t give your heart to just anyone. Your heart is not a gift, it is the prize. DR. TOYIN OMOFOYE

“Bloom where you are planted.” ANONYMOUS

She Bloom

BRAVE & BEAUTIFUL

B RAVE & B EAUTI FU L JOU RN EY: SH E B LOO MS

JOU RN EY 02 • CHAPTER 13

ms.

Blooming in Every Season of Life. Painting by Elisa Nakamura

Draw yourself as a flower.

BRAVE & BEAUTIFUL

blooming in your season. H

knowing YOUR SEASON!

ow would you describe the season you are in now?

Spring blossoms? Like the intense pinks and reds of tulips? Falling orange and yellow maple leaves—or a wintry breeze? Or is it like a warm summery day drinking lemonade? Let your imagination speak.

Sometimes we don’t realize the season we are in and can take things into our own hands to control the situation! But the truth is, it can be too heavy a burden to try to control circumstances or people. This will cause anxiety, fear, and stress in our lives.

Doodle what season you are in now. Reflect why you identify with that season.

Are you in a season of learning? Resting? Persevering? Hardship? Waiting? When

you can realize what season you are in, it can help you to make the most of your situation and be patient with yourself.

“There is purpose in your season of waiting.” MEGAN SMALLEY

It is OK if things take time.

“Be aware of what season you are in and give yourself the grace to be there.” KRISTEN DALTON

“There is a season for everything under the sun—even when we can’t see the sun.” JARED BROCK

ACTIVITY

In each box, write a word or phrase, description, or sketch with a short interpretation of what each season means to you. How would you define each season for yourself?

WINTER

SPRING

SUMMER

FALL

“EVERY NEW SEASON OF YOUR LIFE WILL BE AN OPPORTUNITY FOR YOU TO LEARN AND GROW. DON'T CELEBRATE THE GOOD WITHOUT CELEBRATING THE BAD BECAUSE THEY BOTH WORK TOGETHER TO PREPARE YOU FOR THE NEXT SEASON OF YOUR LIFE.” THERESA LEWIS

BRAVE & BEAUTIFUL

“IF MY BODY WERE A TREE TRUNK, THE RINGS WOULD SURELY REVEAL THE TIME IT HAS HAD TO MATURE.” - ROBERT M. HENSEL

RINGS AND THINGS BY MICHELE OKIMURA

rees are amazing historians. They are like timekeepers, recording time. The rings of a tree reveal not only the length of its life, but recounted through its patterns and intricate designs is the record of its journey through life. • Moments of painful injury. • Times of persevering through the fires. • The years when it drank up the overflow of refreshing rain. • The years when the tree endured the painful push and strain to survive during times of dryness and lack. Yet the unique designs of the tree rings display a kind of beauty divine when looked at altogether. The shape of the

rings reminds us that the place which may seem like the sad ending may also be the beginning of something new and fresh. It actually could be the start of the next big thing in your life that causes you to bloom further! Like a tree, we grow season by season, adding a new layer to our lives each year. We become stronger and can bloom in new ways. Like the tree, you were not meant to have rings that look the same, even, and uninterrupted. Reflect on your past experiences. You have a history worth remembering. There is a glorious, brave beauty that is unveiled in your rings, the chapters of your life!

REFLECTION ACTIVITY

What do the various seasons of life express to you?

Spring

often represents new life. Winter has melted away, there is new growth, flower buds, and green sprouts. What does the spring season mean to you?

Summer

days can mean the freedom of vacation time, summer berries, and days basking in the warm sun. What does the summer season mean to you?

Fall

leaves can represent change and transition—the old leaves fall away making way for winter—yet what a vibrant

show fall leaves display! What does the fall season mean to you?

Winter

time can mean different things—like a time of rest when many plants and animals hibernate. It could also mean the festivities and fellowship of the holidays, or a time of chilly loneliness for some. What does the winter season mean to you?

Journal and describe a spring season you once had, sharing what you learned and how you grew.

Journal and describe a summer season you once had, sharing what you learned and how you grew.

Journal and describe a fall season you once had, sharing what you learned and how you grew.

Journal and describe a winter season you once had, sharing what you learned and how you grew.

WISDOM FROM EVERY SEASON What do you consider your biggest mistakes in life so far?

What were some lessons you learned from them? Wisdoms gained?

BRAVE & BEAUTIFUL

essentials for blooming: Keep a water bottle with you whenever possible! Add zing! You can add flavor to your water with:

Here are some preparation tips that can help ready your brain for good night’s sleep:

• slices of any citrus fruits (or juices)

• Don’t look at online devices or watch T.V. 30-60 minutes before you go to sleep. Researchers have found that exposure to the blue light that radiates from devices stimulates the brain and makes you less sleepy. Read something enjoyable instead!

• slices of cucumber or mint leaves • berries

EAT. DRINK.

Hydration! All living things from the tiniest bacteria to the largest elephant need water to survive. Drinking fresh water is essential for self-care and a healthy body so that you can bloom! How much water should you drink? Many experts say at least 6-8 cups per day is minimum! Benefits of drinking water: • It can improve your brain function and mood (When dehydrated, you can experience brain fog and feel grouchy!) • It can help lower your sugar cravings. (Too much sugar can weaken your immune system making you more vulnerable to illness.) • It can help improve your physical performance and energy levels. • It can help minimize headaches. (Dehydration can cause headaches.) • It helps prevent bladder infections and constipation! • It can help you maintain your weight. Not to be TMI, but how do you know if you are drinking enough water? If your urine is a pale yellow, this is usually a good sign you are hydrated.

Ok...so you may like your sweets and fast foods… and maybe you really don’t like fresh vegetable salads and fruit. But eating clean and healthy has a direct effect on our emotional, mental, and physical health! Even though the experts have conflicting opinions on how much protein we should eat or whether we should be gluten free, we do know that cutting down on our sugar intake, eating less processed foods, and eating more fresh vegetables and fruits is healthy. We can train our palate to enjoy eating healthy! The less sweets we eat, the less we will crave it.

“Your diet is a bank account. Good food choices are good investments.” BETHENNY FRANKEL

• Aim to go to sleep and wake up at the same time to get into a rhythm. • Get out in the sunlight! Some researchers have found that people who got more of the morning sun tended to fall asleep faster and wake up less compared to those who got less morning sun. Consider taking a walk for 10-15 minutes in the early morning sun. • Don’t drink caffeine late in the day. • Refrain from taking a long nap during the day! • Improve your bedroom environment so it is comfortable and conducive for a good night’s sleep. Reduce the noise (get earplugs if you must). Your body was created to sleep in the dark so make your room as dark as possible.

SLEEP.

Are you a night owl? Getting enough sleep is vital for your health! Plants and animals alike take time to rest and well…sleep, so to speak. A good night’s sleep restores and refreshes your body. The American Academy of Sleep Medicine has recommended that teenagers should sleep 8–10 hours per day! But it is not only the quantity of sleep, but the quality of sleep that is important as well.

“A good laugh and a long sleep are the best cures in the doctor’s book.” IRISH PROVERB

There are so many times and seasons we go through. The following are just some examples. There is a time and season:

• to prepare and a time to maintain.

• to throw away and a time to gather up.

• to take apart and a time to put back together.

• to fight and a time for peace.

• to detach and a time to embrace.

• to be born and a time to pass away.

• to weep and a time to laugh.

• to be silent and a time to use your voice.

• to work hard and a time to rest.

• to break and a time to repair.

JOURNAL THIS It can be helpful to acknowledge the season you are in. Knowing your current season can bring understanding and a level of embracing this time. Looking at the bold phrases aboves, what season do you think you are in? You can choose a phrase above or use your own words to describe the season you are in. Why did you describe your current season this way?

ONE DAY AT A TIME

BRAVE & BEAUTIFUL

flourish.

M IND F UL LET T ERING Trace the lettering - it does not have to be perfect! Enjoy the process of creative lettering

BRAVE & BEAUTIFUL

Action Steps

YOU GO GIRL! LET’S WALK IT OUT. she is Brave & Beautiful you!

••

She Perseveres. She Protects. She Blooms.

CHOOSE ONE OR MORE OF THE FOLLOWING ACTIONS STEPS: 1. Purchase a flowering plant or buy seeds to grow a flowering plant. Follow the care instructions as

best you can. Use this plant as a reminder to bloom where you are! Whether you are successful or not

in growing the plant—it's ok! You just might discover you enjoy caring for plants!

4. Once you start dating, it can be especially helpful to create safe, appropriate boundaries to guard your

heart and relationship so it is as healthy as can be.

Consider interviewing successful couples you know

of who you admire and glean wisdom from them on what makes a great relationship and what can be helpful. Consider having a mentor support you as

2. Find a quote that encourages you to not give up!

you navigate your relationship.

Frame it or put it on a post-it note where you will see it regularly. Commit it to memory!

3. Think of someone you know going through a

challenging time. Write a card of encouragement

and give it to them—or send a text expressing that you are there for them and encourage them with your favorite quote about perseverance.

1-888-373-7888

TOLL-FREE HOTLINE | 24/7 CONFIDENTIAL

Get Help Report Trafficking

M IND F UL C OLORING

“

ROYAL CROWNS ARE WORN BY ROYAL PRINCESSES. YOU ARE DESERVING OF HONOR. YOU ARE CROWNED WITH HONOR AND BEAUTY BECAUSE YOU ARE A SPECIAL AND VALUABLE TREASURE. WALK AS SOMEONE DESERVING OF HONOR AND RESPECT! THIS IS YOU. YOU ARE BRAVE. YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL.

S PA C E TO P RAC T IC E, D RAW, OR JOURNAL :

SHE RELEASES

JOURNEY 02 • PAGE 08~21

DISCUSSION QUESTIONS •

Look at the chart you created on page 10 Look at your highs and lows and process what caused them. What could you have done differently to change the lows so that those emotions are not repeated? What can you do to sustain the highs throughout your day?

•

Anger is a common emotion a person feels when they are hurt or offended. In which ways do you commonly express your anger from the list below: - I don’t typically express my anger – I hold it in. - I vent to others – and can fall into gossiping. - I usually am passive-aggressive and do things to get back at the person. - I can blow up, raise my voice, and express how angry I am. - Other: (fill in blank)

•

There are two types of forgiveness discussed in this chapter—forgiving yourself and forgiving others. Which type of forgiveness is easy for you and which type is difficult? Explain.

•

Choose one of the things that you wrote on a balloon on page 12-13. What is a step you can take to fully let it go and move on?

•

Share with the group why you think forgiveness is such a difficult task for many people.

ACTIVITIES ACROSTIC POEM

Materials Needed: • journal

• pen or pencil

• Brave & Beautiful journey book

Instructions: Create an acrostic poem using one of the words from Audrey Hepburn's quote on page 19 (restored, renewed, revived, reclaimed, redeemed) to give encouragement to release unforgiveness.

FORGIVING MYSELF Materials Needed: • journal or stationary

BRAVE & BEAUTIFUL

• pen

Instructions: Option 1: Write a forgiveness letter to yourself, expressing gentleness and forgiveness for something you regret doing or saying that still bothers you. Conclude the forgiveness letter with a statement of forgiveness, understanding, lessons learned, and a positive outlook going forward. Option 2: Write a forgiveness letter to a person who hurt or offended you (This can be a simple journal activity - this letter is not something to send to the person who caused the offense). Explain how you were affected by the hurt at the time and the feelings you are still experiencing. Conclude the forgiveness letter with a statement of forgiveness, understanding, and even empathy for the offender. FORGIVENESS ROLE PLAY Materials Needed: • Prepare role-playing cards in advance. Each card will state a different scenario. Examples of content: - “Your classmate shared your poor test grade with other students in the class.” - “Your friend didn't show up for lunch in the cafeteria as usual and you saw her eating with another group.” - “Your father did not encourage you when you were going to take your driving test” - “Your mother did not acknowledge you when you helped her clean the floor,” etc.

Instructions: 1.

Explain that you will do role-playing activities to practice asking for forgiveness and giving forgiveness. Share how when you know you did something that offended someone, it’s best to go beyond just saying, “Sorry.” What is ideal is to get into the habit of saying, “Will you please forgive me for (name specifically what you did)?” Share that this role-playing activity will give them practice in asking for forgiveness in this way. Discuss that when someone asks you to forgive them, an ideal response is, “I forgive you.” However, if you still feel upset about the offense, you can express yourself honestly, yet graciously by saying something like, “I forgive you. I am still upset and hurt and will need some time to heal or cool down. Thank you for acknowledging what you did. That means a lot and I know it took courage for you to come to me.”

There are many situations, and each situation may call for slightly different steps, but asking for forgiveness and giving forgiveness is a great general practice.

Model one situation in front of the group as an example of what you want them to do when they pair up.

Have each girl choose a card and sit with a partner. Have them decide who will be the person asking for forgiveness, and the one giving forgiveness to start off. Have the girls practice giving and receiving forgiveness by role-playing using the scenario cards. *Have them take turns in the role playing so each person has a chance to ask for forgiveness and give forgiveness.

SHE STANDS

JOURNEY 02 • PAGE 22~29

DISCUSSION QUESTIONS •

What is something that you were afraid of as a young child?

•

We can have many fears. Do any of you have phobias/big fears—like you freak out if there is a lizard or a spider in your room? Maybe you are afraid of heights or of riding on airplanes. What are they? (As a leader, share any of your phobias if you have any!)

•

Discuss how we can struggle with fears such as: - fear of rejection - fear of failure - fear of what others think - fear of what the future holds - fear of getting sick - fear of getting a certain someone you know angry...and more.

•

What is a take-away you had from the article “Unraveling Our Mental Mess”?

•

What are some helpful tips you have learned and can apply to yourself when you realize you are fearful or anxious?

•

What is something you are often anxious about?

•

Discuss that rejection is not a measure of our worth. Everyone has their own special qualities that can empower them to move past rejection and hurt. Encourage the girls to consider themselves forgiven, loved, free, beautiful, gifted, talented, strong, gentle, sincere, motivated, smart, friendly, loving, etc.

•

Have the girls decide on one descriptive, positive word you just mentioned or a different word they can think of, that can help them see past any feelings of rejection.

ACTIVITIES AFFIRMATION ROCKS Materials Needed: • a medium or large river rock for each girl (can be found in garden supply stores) • one large rock big enough they can stand on (like a stepping stone) • paint pens (colored sharpie pens may also work) Instructions:

Have each girl find a quote or word which communicates that she is created for great things.

Have the girls use the paint pens to decorate their rock and write their quote. Remind them to use their rock as a reminder - an anchor for their thoughts when they are anxious or fearful.

Discuss how a rock is a sure foundation for a structure compared to shifting sands. Read aloud this quote from Abraham Lincoln, “Be sure you put your feet in the right place, then stand firm.”

BRAVE & BEAUTIFUL

Have each girl take turns and stand barefoot on the rock for a few seconds in a superhero pose with chin up, and hands on waist. Remind the girls they can purpose to stand firm and persevere even when scary trials come.

Discuss how sometimes it is good to ask for help, because at times, we all need the support and strength of others to keep us standing!

FACE THOSE FEARS! Materials Needed: • (optional) YouTube videos to preview (or you can choose your own) Here are some shorter clips that are not as extreme as some others. [Game Show Showdown]. (2013, September 8). Walk of Fear Killer Karaoke [Video]. YouTube. https://youtu.be/FEqlDB_rS0E [Game Show Showdown]. (2014, August 5). Fear Factor Moments Beware [Video]. YouTube. https://youtu.be/Z_igtl4xODI • Fill three plastic gallon bags with each of the following, then place into three boxes. Each bag should be open at the top so they can stick their hand in it but cannot see what is in each bag: #1: Sliced olives in some oil

#2: Slime mixture of water and flour

#3: small stuffed animal

• paper towels and hand wipes for clean-up Instructions: 1.

Share that at one time, the TV show Fear Factor was very popular, making people do and even eat scary things—yet participants willingly volunteered to compete with other contestants to win the competition.

Introduce and show the YouTube video you chose.

Have everyone share if they would willingly do what was shown in the video.

Discuss why they think the show was so popular. Could part of it be that it was amazing to see people push through their fears to win the competition?

Share that they will have their own mini fear-factor moment. They must each put their hand in box #1 in ONE dip, feel around for 2-3 seconds, then clean off their hand. Then do the same in boxes #2 and #3. They need to silently guess what each item is in the bag.

After they have all participated, have each girl share what they think was in box #1, #2, and #3, before revealing the truth.

Discuss various reasons why people experience fear:

- You can experience fear if you think about possibly not getting what you want. - Fear could also stem from thinking you will get something you don’t want.

- Fear could be triggered by expecting something bad is going to happen and not liking it.

- Fear also could be stirred up like in this game where you don’t know what you’re touching, but your mind makes it up! 8.

Discuss how fear can cause us to do desperate things! Ask, “Does anyone know of a situation when someone was so afraid, that they did something unusual or extreme? Share!”

In what ways can fear be a good thing?

SHE CRIES

JOURNEY 02 • PAGE 30~39

DISCUSSION QUESTIONS •

Discuss how cultures can dictate how we express emotions. Have girls share how comfortable they feel in sharing their emotions with their family members and/or with friends. Discuss that emotions can be both high and low.

•

For some, crying is an easy way of releasing emotions. For others, crying is looked at as being weak. When you think about crying, what do you associate it with? Why do you feel this way?

•

Share with the group a time when you freely cried. Was it in a private place, or public?

•

Have you ever cried in public? If yes, how did it feel? If not, were you held back by what you thought others would think?

•

Have you ever cried while listening to a song or while watching a scene in a movie? If yes, how did it feel? If you feel comfortable, share what song or what movie scene caused you to cry.

•

Have the group silently re-read “The Declaration to Release Tears.” Have each girl choose one declaration that they want to stand on when it comes to crying. Have each girl share why that particular declaration was meaningful to her.

ACTIVITIES PILLOW COMFORT

Materials Needed: • a white/solid pastel colored pillowcase or a white/solid pastel colored pillow for each girl • fabric markers of various colors • newspaper/cardboard to use to keep ink from bleeding through fabric

Instructions: Encourage each girl to decorate a pillowcase or a small white or solid color pillow using fabric pens. This pillow will be a tangible reminder that everyone cries and that shedding tears is not a weakness. Girls can decorate using favorite quotes, words, and/or symbols of comfort or strength.

MOVIE WATCH Watch an appropriate movie as a group that often triggers crying (brainstorm in advance—possible movies like Imagine, A Walk to Remember, Lion, etc.) This is a good opportunity to release those tears in a good way!

BRAVE & BEAUTIFUL

COMFORT CARDS

Materials Needed: • cardstock blank cards and envelope set for each person • scrapbooking paper and embellishments • glue, scissor, pens Instructions 1.

Discuss that when someone experiences any type of loss, it is comforting to have a friend acknowledge their pain and to receive a card that validates their feelings! Expressing empathy, crying with them, and a hug can give more comfort than a lot of words. Here are some examples: - “I am so sorry for your loss.” - “I don’t know what to say, but I want you to know I am here for you.” - “I love and care about you so much!”

Give the girls time to create the cover of a card that they can use in the future to give to someone who experienced a loss. They can write 1-3 short sentences inside for the sentiment.

NOTES

SHE PERSEVERES

JOURNEY 02 • PAGE 42~51

DISCUSSION QUESTIONS •

As a leader, share about a time when you had to persevere through a difficult trial. What was it like? How did you manage? What did you learn? Ask each of the girls to share about a situation or moment when they had to persevere.

•

What factors do you think contribute to someone giving up on life vs. not giving up?

•

Share about a challenging time when you chose to give up—or persevere.

•

Who is a person you know who had to persevere through a most difficult time? Briefly describe their circumstance.

•

Suicide is something that touches many of us. How many of you know of a famous person, family member, someone in your school, or friend who committed suicide?

•

Knowing that teen suicide is a real issue in America and in many other countries, why do you think someone would get to the point of killing themselves when still a teenager?

•

Refer to the article, “Struggling with Suicide to Sunny Side Up: Finding Home.” Looking at the 10 Adverse Childhood Experiences listed, go through the list and if they feel comfortable, have each person just share the number of traumas they have experienced on that list—including you as a leader. Affirm that they are not alone in their struggles. What was a take-away from this article?

ACTIVITIES MARSHMALLOW TOSS *For this introductory game, you will need at least 4 girls to play. Materials Needed: • plastic cup for each girl • plastic bowl for each pair of girls

• bag of marshmallows for each team

Instructions:

Split the group of girls into pairs. Give each participant a plastic cup and each pair a bowl and a bag of marshmallows.

Have the teams start one arm’s length apart, each holding a plastic cup. They must toss a marshmallow from one plastic cup to the other. Once they successfully get the marshmallow transferred between cups, then they are to put it in their team’s bowl.

After they have done this, then one team member must take a step back before they toss the next marshmallow. Once they successfully toss the marshmallow from one cup to the next, they put it in the bowl and repeat the process of taking another step back away from their partner.

BRAVE & BEAUTIFUL

For every marshmallow that hits the ground, they must remove one from their bowl. This continues until a team is ten steps apart and has ten marshmallows in their bowl.

The first team to get ten marshmallows in their bowl and eat them all wins!

If the marshmallows get used up before getting 10 in their bowl due to missing the mark, then the team with the most marshmallows in their bowl wins.

Discuss how this is a game of perseverance and that oftentimes, perseverance in real-life trials is really hard! Have someone read a dictionary definition of perseverance.

STAND UP FOR YOUR SISTER (best done in larger groups of 10 - 400 or more, the larger the group, the more impactful.) •

This can be a powerful group activity. Please feel free to create your own tailored list of questions you feel are appropriate for your group of girls.

•

Meet with any assistant leaders before the session to go over the general overview of the activity. Have your assistant leaders participate in the survey as well and ask them to circle “YES” to questions that they think the girls might have a hard time answering honestly so that there will never be the potential of only one person standing up alone.

•

This activity is more age-appropriate for high school age girls. Please use your judgment if you are considering using this activity with middle school girls.

Materials Needed: • Brave & Beautiful journey book • peaceful instrumental music • music player/speaker • copies of “Stand Up for Your Sister“ worksheet on the next page (one copy

per girl) or copies of your tailored, edited version of the worksheet • pen or pencil for each girl (DO NOT use pens w/ different colors)

Instructions: 1.

As a leader, know that the purpose of this activity is for the girls to discover they are not alone in their struggles and in their past experiences listed in the ACES list on page 48.

Distribute copies of the “Stand Up for Your Sister” worksheet. - Emphasize that they are NOT to write their name on their paper, because we want each worksheet to be anonymous. We want each person to feel safe to be completely honest. - Reassure the girls that everyone is filling out the same form, so no one will know who wrote on each sheet. - Ask the girls to answer as honestly as they can, because the power of this exercise comes in the honesty in which they are willing to answer. (Remind them again that their papers should NOT have their name on it.) - Remind them to respect other people’s privacy. They are not to look around at anyone’s paper!

Tell the girls that when they are done filling out the worksheet, they should fold their paper in half to hide their answers.

Have the girls fill out the worksheets.

After everyone is done, collect the worksheets, shuffle the pile, and distribute them randomly to the girls.

Tell the girls that they will be representing a fellow girl who filled out the paper they are holding.

Explain that you will read each statement. If a “YES” was circled on their paper for that corresponding question, they are to stand until you tell them to sit back down.

Encourage the girls that after each statement is read, they should look around to see how many girls are standing for each statement.

Read each statement slowly and have girls stand if their paper says, “YES.” After a few seconds, have the girls sit back down.

After you are done reading each statement on the list and the activity is over, collect the worksheets for your personal data.

Encourage the girls that this activity shows that they are not alone, and we can grow and overcome together! As a leader, be ready to comfort and empathize, as these are sensitive topics.

10. (Optional) Follow-up questions you can discuss in small groups: - What are you feeling/thinking after doing the "Stand up for your Sister," activity? - Describe a time in your life when you persevered. How did you feel after you accomplished your task? - What is one thing currently that you need to persevere in?

NOTES

BRAVE & BEAUTIFUL

STAND UP FOR YOUR SISTER Please DO NOT write your name on the paper. We want to allow you to answer HONESTLY and ANONYMOUSLY. Papers will be collected and mixed up so nobody will know whose paper is whose. Circle Yes or No if you have…

I struggle with believing I am loved, and I am valuable.

I often struggle with anxiety.

I feel anger or hatred towards someone.

I have thoughts of hating myself or hating my body.

I have had suicidal thoughts within the past year.

I have cut or harmed my body in the past year.

I struggle with depression.

I have been sexually abused, or inappropriately touched.

I have been verbally abused.

I have emotional pain about my relationship with my mom or dad.

I have been physically abused. (physically hurt by someone)

I struggle with loneliness.

I struggle with feeling pressured by my parents to perform.

I have great hope for a positive future.

I have someone who I can talk to about difficult struggles in my life.

I desire to make a positive difference in this world!

SHE PROTECTS

JOURNEY 02 • PAGE 52~59

DISCUSSION QUESTIONS •

What was a take-away from the “Guarding Your Heart,” article? What is one of the tips you want to implement to guard your heart?

•

What was a take-away from the article “Know the Signs,” about abusive or controlling relationships?

•

Why do you think it is important to have the wisdom to know the signs, or ‘red flags,’ of an unhealthy relationship?

•

Discuss how sometimes we can be blinded from seeing serious character weaknesses in a person we are in relationship with because we like them. It is true nobody is perfect, however, we can be vulnerable to getting involved in unhealthy relationships that are controlling and damaging.

•

How important do you value the input of trusted adults or mature friends regarding your close relationships? Rate this using a scale from 1 to 10, 10 representing that you value the wisdom and feedback of trusted adults and mature friends who care deeply about your welfare. Share why.

ACTIVITIES CHOCOLATE CAKE Materials Needed: • baking supplies (mixing bowl, cake pan etc. if baking the cake as a group activity before the discussion) • small plates (one for each girl) • forks • toothpicks • tape • small pieces of cardstock or small index cards cut in fourths • pen/pencil for each girl • Brave & Beautiful journey book

Instructions:

Bake the chocolate cake recipe on page 58 (or make it a fun activity to bake together before you begin your discussion).

Review the main idea of the article “Have your Cake and Eat it Too,” - that we don't go into the yard and put poop in our cake before we eat or serve it.

Ask the girls to reflect on what negative things they would like to remove from their lives such as gossip, negative thinking, cynical attitudes, complaining, self-rejection etc.

BRAVE & BEAUTIFUL

Ask the girls to reflect on what positive things they want to put into their lives such as compassion, gratitude, generosity, encouragement, sense of humor or kindness.

Give each girl a small cardstock/index paper. Have them write what they want to put into their ‘cake’ symbolically on a small cardstock paper. Have them tape a toothpick to the back of the paper.

Serve each girl a slice of chocolate cake and have them stick their toothpick with their cardstock mini sign on their cake.

Have each girl share what they've chosen to remove from their life and what they would like to replace it with.

Now have the girls enjoy the cake!

NOTES

SHE BLOOMS

JOURNEY 02 • PAGE 60~71

DISCUSSION QUESTIONS •

In what area do you feel you are growing and blooming? If you can’t think of any area—what area do you see at least a hint of growth and the hope of blooming?

•

If the girls know each other fairly well, have them share about each member by answering this question: In what ways do you see (name of girl) blooming? Sometimes other people see growth in us that we don’t see ourselves.

•

If the group is small enough, you can have each share their picture from page 62 and share what type of flower they picked and why they picked that flower.

•

Have a time of sharing of how each girl defined the four seasons of life on page 64.

•

Have each girl share which season best describes the season they are in right now and why.

ACTIVITIES SEASONAL CHARADES (GREAT ICEBREAKER) Instructions: 1.

Tell girls to think of their favorite season and choose an activity they can act out.

Each girl acts out their favorite activity and the other girls need to guess what activity it is and what season(s) the activity can be done in.

BLOOMING IN WISDOM Materials Needed: • personal journal for each girl • pen/pencil • Brave & Beautiful journey book • (optional) soothing music, device to play music on • (optional) crayons, markers, colored pencils Instructions:

*Ahead of time, prepare individual encouraging notes for each girl on a nice card to give them at the end of this activity. Affirm them in the ways you see each girl blooming and blossoming forth.

As a leader, share your journal entry from page 66 from the section “Wisdom from Every Season.” Share one of your biggest mistakes in life and the lessons learned or wisdom gained.

BRAVE & BEAUTIFUL

Have each girl reflect and journal about any wisdom in life they have gained from a person they have observed or interacted with—it could be wisdom gleaned from something they said or from their actions. It could even be wisdom they gleaned of what NOT to do in life, as they observed the negative consequences that came after a person made a bad choice.

BLOOM WHERE YOU ARE PLANTED Materials Needed: • seeds of different flowers (pick those that are easy to grow) • 4-inch planter jars • potting soil • smartphone or camera for each person Instructions: 4.

Share that the quote, “Bloom where you are planted,” was originally from the Bishop of Geneva, Saint Francis De Sales. It was later made popular by artist Mary Engelbreit.

Have each person explain what the quote, “Bloom where you are planted,” means to her.

Have each person share ways that they are blooming where they are planted.

Take a walk outside and have the girls take photos of flowers that are blooming where they are planted. Share that some flowers grow in unexpected places like in a crack in the cement or out of a rock wall.

After a time of taking photos, gather together again and have each girl share their favorite photo with the group. Have each share why that picture was her favorite.

Ask, “Did you learn anything new about blooming from this activity that you can apply to your life? If so, please share!” Discuss.

10. Have the girls choose which kind of flower they want to plant and teach them how to plant their seeds in the soil in their container. 11.

Make sure that each girl understands the care instructions on how to grow that particular flower they chose, noting how much sunlight is required, how often to water, and how long it takes from seed to sprout.

12. Encourage the girls to try this simple gardening activity to remind them to bloom where they are planted. Discuss that in order for seeds to bloom, they require care and attention—just like how in order for people to bloom, they need to care for themselves with intention!

GROW IN CONFIDENCE. KNOW YOUR IDENTITY.

urney

FOR GIRLS

ISBN: 979-8-9862965-3-1 Art Direction and Graphic Design: Ahava Design, LLC. Photos by Unsplash and Pixabay.

WELCOME BACK TO

Brave & Beautiful — vol.3

REAL TRUTH.

REAL LOVE.

••

Bave  Beauful Jurney

e l e ases

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Sh eB

e li e ev

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c o v

e r s •• She Accepts ••

x p re s s e s

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l •• S h

i D e

ifu

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B ra ve

She s

a e B

Journey 01

Journey 02

SHE IS BRAVE & BEAUTIFUL

SHE RELEASES

SHE DISCOVERS

SHE STANDS

30 SHE ACCEPTS

SHE CRIES

40 SHE BELIEVES

SHE PERSEVERES

58 SHE EXPRESSES

SHE PROTECTS

70 SHE SPARKLES

SHE BLOOMS

76 SHE RESTS

Celebr ate s •• She Blooms •• She

es •• She Re sts

a rk l

Pro

te c t s

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Journey 03

Journey 04 Listen

PORNOGRAPHY

20 SHE LOVES

SEXUAL ABUSE & TRAUMA

30 SHE GIVES

SEX TRAFFICKING

40 SHE DREAMS

VOICES OF FREEDOM

48 SHE CREATES

HOPE RISING

SHE CELEBRATES

56 SHE ARISES

She Lstens!

re a e t e s •• S h

ri s

s •• S

• She Crie s s • nd

eS ta

D r e am

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s •• She Give e v o s • eL •

ve se

PART 1

Ever feel discouraged, disappointed, or overwhelmed

Part of loving is giving from a generous heart. It can be

with life’s dramas? Pausing to find what you can be

challenging to love others when we struggle with our

thankful for can lift you up from that dark place, high

own selfish desires from time to time! Why be generous?

enough to take a breath of fresh air. Being grateful is a

In this section, we will explore these topics and learn

key to growing in your emotional health. Thankfulness

about the power of being young women who celebrate

will help you to relish good times, give you extra

life, love others, and are generous givers.

strength to deal with trials, and can even improve your relationships! Celebrating the positive and being thankful can fuel your heart—but it is not always easy! Perspective changes things.

“

Gratitude can transform common days into thanksgivings, turn routine jobs into joy, and change ordinary opportunities into blessings.” WILLIAM ARTHUR WARD

How do we love others well? It is easy to love people we like and feel comfortable with, but what about when it is difficult to love?! And what does it mean to be a good friend? How do we love in healthy ways?

BRAVE & BEAUTIFUL

She She She

Celebrates Loves Gives

She Celebr BRAVE & BEAUTIFUL

B RAVE & B EAUTI FU L JOU RN EY: SH E CELEB RATES

Celebrate the blessings in your life.

Be thankful!

JOU RN EY 03 • CHAPTER 14

rates.

focus on whatever is good, inspirational, noble, beautiful, excellent, and positively noteworthy! “One small positive thought can change your whole day.” ZIG ZIGLAR

10 10

BRAVE && BEAUTIFUL BRAVE BEAUTIFUL

A HEART OF GRATITUDE BY JENNIFER FINULIAR

n today’s world where information and images are at our fingertips, it is easy to be swept up and carried off into the whirlwind of thinking we need MORE, we should be doing MORE, we deserve MORE!

That whirlwind can cause us to see only what we do not have, rather than being grateful for what we do have. If we are not careful to put gratitude at the forefront of our hearts, it will be challenging for us to make room in our lives for “much,” or for the “more,” in life that our grateful hearts do desire.

Gratitude is simply defined as the state of being grateful. It involves expressing thanks or appreciation for something, from a gift to life itself! A heart of gratitude recognizes the positive things in life and how they affect us. This can range from acknowledging a beautiful rainbow in the sky after the rain, or a fun time you had with a friend, to the feeling of thanksgiving that comes from escaping a serious illness. It is important to practice a heart of gratitude to keep us positive and help us shut the door on the negativity, the lies, and the shortcomings of life that will only steal our joy! Be intentional to live a life that will bring you joy in return! Participate in activities that you love to do to use your gifts! Take in the beauty of your environment. Hang out with people who truly exude love and positivity—people that you enjoy being around. Be thankful for your gifts and your surroundings. There are many fantastic benefits to having a heart of gratitude!

• Do you desire to be successful in life? Be grateful! “Research on the effects gratitude has on our biology shows how being thankful increases our longevity, our ability to use our imagination, and our ability to problem-solve.” - Dr. Caroline Leaf • Gratitude changes our outlook from negative to positive and can help lift us out of depression. • Our mental and emotional health will improve. We will be able to bounce back quicker after going through sad, frustrating, or troubling situations in life if we meditate on what we can be thankful for and celebrate the good! • Our physical health can be positively affected! It is a known fact that our mental and emotional health has a profound effect on our physical health, especially in the long term. • Our relationships can thrive as we become joyful and pour that joy out rather than have a complaining, negative attitude. • We will begin to remember how much we are loved and live every day with fresh hope and excitement! The concept of being thankful is nothing new! Having a heart of gratitude helps us remember the good things instead of dwelling on the not-so-great things in life. There will always be imperfections, but when we cultivate within ourselves the attitude of gratitude, we quickly remember that there will also always be something to smile about. This simple mindset adjustment can help keep us healthy and thriving in more ways than one!

“Cultivate the habit of being grateful for every good thing that comes to you, and to give thanks continuously. And because all things have contributed to your advancement, you should include all things in your gratitude.” RALPH WALDO EMERSON

The Gratitude Project. The brighter side of life. GRATITUDE Without pausing, list 20 things you are grateful for (big and small):

What is something you are grateful for that you did not have 3 years ago? Jot down the nicest thing someone said to you in the past week:

LIVE WITH A GRATEFUL HEART:

Do one or more of these action steps this week! • Before you go to sleep each night, write down or meditate on at least 3 things you are grateful for. This may help you have a peaceful and restful sleep! • Send a thank you text, message, or make a phone call to someone who has done something nice for you or said something helpful. • Pay attention to the little things in life like the beauty in a flower or a bird’s song! Take that moment to be grateful that you have eyes to see or ears to hear something beautiful when there are people in the world who do not have this privilege. • Tell a person in your life that you appreciate them and share why. • Express your gratitude to someone—even if it simply means giving them a hug. • Focus on the good in your life. Every time you feel discouraged or down, take a pause to reflect on what you can be thankful for despite your circumstance.

“When I started counting my blessings, my whole life turned around.” WILLIE NELSON

BRAVE & BEAUTIFUL

Draw something that represents celebration in your life.

doodle

Pay attention to unexpected miracles. Noticing a picture perfect nature scene before you. A moment of surging confidence knowing you will be fine. Finally finding a solution to a big problem. Finding the right words that comforts someone’s shattered heart. An ‘aha’ moment where you learned something. A timely text from someone that lifted your spirits. Finding something you were frantically looking for! A belly laughing moment that took away your depression. A perfect song that verbalizes what is in your heart. A fulfilled desire, hope, or dream.

slow down and smell the

BRAVE & BEAUTIFUL

roses.

ACTIVITY

In the clouds above, jot down some favorite minor miracles you have experienced.

BY MICHELE OKIMURA

ow can we celebrate the good in life when the dramas of life can be SO hard at times?

Becoming a thankful person involves renewing our minds and reframing how we think about the situations we go through.

“

Everything can be taken from a man but…the last of the human freedoms– to choose one’s attitude in any given set of circumstances...” VIKTOR FRANKL, PSYCHIATRIST

Reframing means seeing things in a new way. Reframing is a way of changing the way we look at circumstances and therefore, changing our experience of them. Reframing can help turn a stressful situation into a challenge that can be bravely overcome.

to tackle their dysfunctional thought patterns, they had fewer bouts of depression, anxiety, anger, grief, shame, jealousy, and all other toxic emotions… It just takes intentional and consistent effort.” HOW ARE YOU REFRAMING SITUATIONS THAT YOU GO THROUGH? A changed perspective has the power to:

• change a test into a TESTIMONY. • change a mess to a MESSAGE. • change a trial into a TRIUMPH. • change scars into STARS.

REFRAMING TAKES EFFORT.

BE CAREFUL WHO YOU LISTEN TO.

Don Colbert, M.D., author of the book Deadly Emotions: Understand the MindBody Spirit Connection That Can Heal or Destroy You, writes “I've worked with countless people who have discovered that once they made a sincere effort

I personally need to be around people who are positive and hopeful. If you surround yourself with negative people who complain a lot, your thinking will probably be negatively affected over time.

BRAVE & BEAUTIFUL

How do you respond to your mistakes and failures? Do you beat yourself up inside? Are you quick to become defensive and blame others? Do you get depressed easily? Despite what negative things others may say to put you down at times, hold on tight to positive perspectives on things. Yes, take responsibility for your mistakes and choices, learn from them, and then focus on the good that can come out of situations. Become thankful. SOMETIMES YOU WIN. SOMETIMES YOU LEARN. John Maxwell wrote a book entitled: Sometimes You Win, Sometimes You Learn. It doesn’t have to be “sometimes you win, sometimes you lose.” In any trial, reflect and ask yourself what lessons can be learned to better yourself and grow. That is a win! For example, recall how many attempts Thomas Edison made to invent the lightbulb. A reporter asked Thomas Edison, “How did it feel to fail 1,000 times?” Edison replied, “I didn’t fail 1,000 times. The lightbulb was an invention with 1,000 steps.” Thomas kept positive, persevered, and learned from each attempt! In a similar way, how could you reframe a failure you experience such

encouraging quote on it. She later took this framed photo to a local art store who agreed to sell her work. One day, a customer walked in and noticed Linda’s framed photo of wildflowers. Right away, she frantically asked the store owner to please get her in touch with the photographer! She desperately wanted to purchase the framed photo but could not afford it.

as doing badly on a test or project? Instead of being angry at yourself, you could reflect on this situation as an opportunity to learn and grow in studying more effectively. You could make an appointment with your teacher to gain helpful tips to achieve better success next time. If you performed poorly in a sports game, could you reframe the situation as an opportunity to grow from any new insights? Ask yourself at the end of each day, “What did I learn today? What will I do differently?” Be thankful for the little life lessons you gain each day. LET’S REFRAME! Becoming a thankful person is a process. We must be pro-active to reframe our thinking. Our thinking affects our emotions which affects our actions and choices! Learning how to reframe situations will help us to celebrate the good and be thankful in the midst of our hardships. Now this doesn’t mean that we should never get angry, anxious, or sad! Having such emotions makes us human.

However, we can always work on reframing the situation differently to see what we can be thankful for or what good can come out of even the worst of situations. DOORS OF OPPORTUNITY TO MAKE A DIFFERENCE. Reframing a situation can help you to see opportunities in front of you that you wouldn’t have otherwise seen or realized. For example, a certain photograph, a painting, or a circumstance can mean different things to different people. The following is a true story that shows how reframing can lead to amazing, unexpected outcomes. One day, a woman named Linda took pictures of scenery as she was hiking near a cliff in the city of Waimea, Hawaii. She was amazed at the beauty found in the hard places along the trail. In one of her photos, she captured some wildflowers growing along a stone wall. She framed this photo and, using her skill in calligraphy, wrote an

Linda was contacted immediately and made her way to the store. This customer then explained to Linda that she recently had contemplated suicide and had decided to kill herself while walking on that exact same hiking trail that Linda took pictures of. However, as she was walking near the cliffs, she thought more deeply about what she was about to do. A positive quote she had memorized in her past came to mind that helped her to decide not to kill herself. That exact quote was written on Linda’s photo of flowers! Linda ended up giving the framed photo to this customer because it meant so much to her! The positive quote that was written on Linda’s framed photo reframed this woman’s perspective from painful despair to being hopeful for the future! Thoughts and even pictures have the power to shift us into having an attitude of hope and gratitude.

Let’s reframe! —

Let’s be thankful and celebrate the good every day!

“The most important words we will ever utter are the words we say to ourselves, about ourselves, when we are by ourselves.” –Al Walker

ARE YOU THANKFUL FOR WHO YOU ARE & ARE BECOMING? Reframing How You See Yourself BY MICHELE OKIMURA

ecently, I realized I had a certain perception about myself I wasn’t aware of. While working on this amazing Brave & Beautiful publication, I was finding myself swimming in uncharted waters regarding my experience! Though thrilled about this project, I also felt the weight of decisions I needed to make behind the scenes. I realized that I saw myself as someone who wanted to serve you, the reader, so you would be uplifted…but I was fearful of failure! Yikes! To be honest, I have often found it difficult to see myself as a confident, courageous woman…although I desire so much to be just that! What I didn’t know was that I was about to strongly address this negative belief I had. On a particular Friday, I engaged in meetings with many people throughout the workday. I was shocked, as throughout that day from early morning to late afternoon, a total of 6 different people (independently of each other) initiated in telling me the exact same thing! As I conversed with each person about work topics, every one of them paused at one point in the conversation and initiated in telling me that they wanted me to know that they see me as a courageous, brave woman. One person even said my courage and confidence inspired them! I was very surprised! Sometimes other people can see the gold in you that you can’t see yourself. Later that same day, I decided to re-read some encouraging messages from people that I had collected over the years. A now-distant friend, Rabson Chandaro from Tanzania, Africa, had shared with me several years earlier an affirming message.

BRAVE & BEAUTIFUL

I didn’t realize until I read what Rabson had shared that I seriously needed to change my perception of myself! Here is an excerpt of what Rabson shared with me:

“…Its about how your view yourself. If you have a small view of who you are, you will build something that equals your view of you.” I was deeply moved and so encouraged. I hope that what Rabson shared rings true for you too, as I believe it relates to your life as well! What kind of life do we want to have? A life that counts and makes a big difference in the world, or a life that is insignificant? Let’s take the limits off of ourselves and dream big! I was also encouraged to be thankful for the life I have and how I am uniquely designed. I encourage you to do the same. Brave and beautiful you, take a moment to be thankful for your life, even if in this moment it may be hard to see the good. REFRAME HOW YOU SEE YOURSELF. We are learning an overcoming lifestyle. Instead of being overwhelmed with what we are not, we can be overwhelmed with the goodness of who we are! Reframe how you see yourself and celebrate your growth each step of the way!

From Sad to Celebrating We all experience failures and make wrong decisions at times. We are all in the process of maturing. With humility and a humble heart, start this process of reflection: • Take time to reflect on the situation

• Admit when you are wrong

• Decide you will learn from mistakes

Then ask yourself these questions: • What went wrong?

• What lessons learned can I take with me

• What was my contribution to what

• What can I be thankful for and celebrate

• Why did it go wrong? went wrong?

going forward?

in this situation?

Reminder: When we experience a loss due to a failure or wrong decision, it is healthy to take time to grieve.

Take time to cry and release your pain and sadness. Forgive yourself. Then reframe the situation and see the good that can come out of what happened – like lessons learned and wisdom gained!

SEE THE BEAUTY OF WHO YOU ARE. BELIEVE IT. YOU HAVE GREATNESS WITHIN YOU. YOU ARE AN OVERCOMER. BE PATIENT AND GENTLE WITH YOURSELF. YOU ARE A GIFT.

She loves people well.

She Lo

BRAVE & BEAUTIFUL

B RAVE & B EAUTI FU L JOU RN EY: SH E LOVES

JOU RN EY 03 • CHAPTER 15

oves.

BEING A GOOD FRIEND BY JET NELSON AND MICHELE OKIMURA

IF YOU HAVE EVEN ONE CLOSE FRIEND, YOU HAVE A PRICELESS GIFT—SOMEONE WHO KNOWS YOU—THE GOOD, THE BAD, THE UGLY—AND STILL IS LOYAL AND FAITHFUL. • Someone who cares, listens, lends a hand, and will stand by you through thick and thin.

• Someone who will speak the truth to you…even if it hurts. • Someone who makes your day brighter.

• Someone who you have shared losses, laughs, hopes and dreams with.

• Someone who believes the best in you and fights to support the best for you.

You can be that friend to others! How can you learn to be a better friend? Be open, yes. Be available, of course— but choose to love and trust friends who value what you value, and those people will be at your side for life.

LOVE BY LISTENING

Listening is not just polite. It is a way of loving, honoring, respecting, and connecting with someone else. Listen with intention!

“I felt it shelter to speak to you.” EMILY DICKINSON

• Give the speaker your full attention (put your phone away). • Show that you are tracking with what they are saying through your nods or brief comments/phrases. • Mirror back what the person is saying from time to time by rephrasing their words back to them. For example, if your friend is telling you a story about a time when they were stressed out, you can respond by commenting back, “WOW! So you were really stressed out!” • Maintain good eye contact. • Don’t interrupt. • Listen without wishing to speak yourself.

LOVE BY GIVING

Especially if you know one of your friends needs some encouragement—maybe they are struggling with doubts, a hurt, confusion, or discouragement—reach out and be there for them. • • • • • •

BRAVE & BEAUTIFUL

Text, call or visit them. Help them with a task. Take them out for a run or walk. Give them a much-needed hug. Get them a gift—could be small like their favorite candy bar! Think of creative ideas to encourage them.

LOVE BY BEING INTERESTED

Ever felt especially cared for when someone took a genuine interest in what you were saying? How did it feel to be heard? Reaching out to make new friends or to initiate and carry on a conversation can be described as engaging in the art of conversation. Sometimes it can be easier to talk about ourselves during those awkward silent moments in a conversation—but instead, have some hip-pocket questions you can ask a person to show you are interested. Ever been in a one-way conversation where you showed interest in what he/she was saying, but they didn’t show interest in you? It can be tough during those times to be loving and patient, but it can also be a good opportunity to practice listening. How wonderful it is when there are those fun and heart to heart conversations where both you and your friend flow in a two-way conversation! Showing interest is a great way to connect you to others! • Have a heart that cares. Being a good friend starts with a heart attitude that truly cares about others. • Smile when you greet others. Smiling at appropriate times can cause people to feel more at ease with you. Sometimes we can forget to smile. • Take interest and find common ground! Ask questions to learn more about the person you are talking with. Try to find things in common so you can have a lively conversation about a topic. • Make the other person the star of the conversation. Be sensitive to not dominate the conversation. • Encourage. Empathize. Validate feelings.

LOVE BY SPENDING TIME

Another simple way to be a better friend is to make the effort to spend time with your friends. When a friend comes to mind, you can either call them right away or set up a reminder to yourself to call them later. It's a simple but a brilliant action step! So often we think of someone and then forget to text or call them. You can initiate plans to get together to just hang out or do an activity together. It takes straightforward intentionality to let our friends know that we’re thinking of them. Giving your friends the gift of your precious time can mean a lot!

LOVE BY BEING REAL - THE VULNERABILITY FACTOR

The friendships that last the test of time are the ones that have deep roots. This doesn’t necessarily include your oldest friends that you’ve known since kindergarten—this is about the depth of emotional vulnerability you share with someone. It can be more comfortable to keep the ugly and raw details about your life hidden from the people in your life, but if you desire close friends, then honesty is vital. Being open about the struggles and messiness in your life with someone that you trust and love will strengthen your bond with that person. Your closest friends will love you even at your worst, and they will encourage you and lift you up in those times. Be a loyal and trusted friend to others as well. When your friend shares vulnerably with you, keep their confidence and don’t tell others without their permission unless they are planning to physically harm themselves or others (get help for your friend in those cases!).

“

You know you are with true friends when they lift, encourage, correct, and then spur you on. LISA BEVERE, LIONESS ARISING: AWAKEN THE POWER OF THE UNTAMED LIFE

“

Close friends are truly life’s treasures. Sometimes they know us better than we know ourselves. VINCENT VAN GOGH

BRAVE & BEAUTIFUL

for real!

be a safe person.

The Power of Empathy BY VICKY WONG, MSCP, LMFT, LMHC, NCC, AND MICHELE OKIMURA

t is not always easy to know what to say when someone is vulnerable and tells you something very personal. There is power in words which can encourage and uplift or hurt and destroy. Careless words keep people isolated and silent for years. Supportive words can be healing and can also give people courage to share more deeply about themselves. After someone shares something vulnerable, it can be very hurtful to not say anything, quickly change the subject, or make a joke/comment to lighten the mood. When appropriate, a hand on shoulder, a hand squeeze or a hug also can communicate comfort and empathy. Don’t start immediately sharing your experience that is similar. This time is not about you. It is about listening and connecting. Giving advice and encouraging words comes later after they feel validated and heard, and you sense they are ready for that. Lastly, keep their confidence and ask for their permission before telling anyone else. The exception would be if they are about to hurt themselves or another person. Here are some tips on what to say vs what not to say when someone is opening their heart to you.

WHAT NOT TO SAY: • You just need to let go and move on. • Why can’t you just let it go?

• Other people have it worse than you.

• You’re making too much of a big deal of this. • You just need to trust things will be fine. • Are you just trying to get attention?

• I can’t believe this really happened.

• Tell me every detail and don’t leave anything out. • Did you enjoy it? (the abuse)

• What are you going to do about it now? • At least...(minimizing issue)

WHAT TO SAY: Sounds like you are feeling really (angry, sad, excited, shocked etc.) by what happened. • I don’t know exactly what to say right now except that I’m here for you. • I’m so sorry that happened to you. • This must be so tough for you.

• Thank you for having the courage to share that with me.

• You are very brave and courageous to talk about what happened. • I am here to help you through your sadness.

• I care about you. I am here to listen and help you in any way. • I am so glad you are sharing this with me. • You are not alone. • I believe in you!

• I’m so sorry that awful thing happened to you.

• You didn’t deserve this (abuse, hurtful situation)

• You are not to blame. This is not your fault (if they were a victim of abuse) • Healing is possible! You can be whole again.

• Healing for such a deep hurt is a process and will happen over time.

• What I hear you saying is…(reflect back what they said/reflect back what you sense they are feeling).

LOVE BOUNDARIES

riendships are ever-growing and ever changing. Some friendships may last a lifetime, while some close friendships may last only for a season. Friends move away, or you move away. People go through different life stages. New friends can come into your life unexpectedly. Unfortunately, conflicts or misunderstandings can happen that may change a relationship. Through it all, know that there are boundaries in love and in relationships. It is normal and healthy to have various levels of closeness in relationships. Friends and family members would fall in one of these categories. It can be helpful to think of relationships in three different groups. OUTER CIRCLE RELATIONSHIPS First, there are people in the outer circle of your life that would fall into the category of acquaintances—people you may have met once to a few times, but you really don’t know each other. These could be people who you met in passing. Maybe you had a few short conversations with them, but you spend very little time with them, if at all. MIDDLE CIRCLE RELATIONSHIPS Secondly, there are people who you would consider pretty close to you. These relationships would fall in the middle group, as they are closer to you than mere acquaintances. People in this group could be people in a group of friends you hang out with sometimes or often. Maybe you do certain activities with these people such as sports, dance, music or other extracurricular activities. They could even be your favorite shopping buddies. Though you

BRAVE & BEAUTIFUL

have a good level of trust with these people, they do not know you deeply.

the bad, and ugly about you yet still accept and love you!

INNER CIRCLE RELATIONSHIPS

“The more others encounter us honoring the boundaries we have set for our lives, the more they will know that they

Hopefully, you have people in your life that you would consider in your ‘inner circle’. It could be just one to a few people who you feel safe with and who will keep what you share with them confidential. If you are in great need, people in your inner circle would be the first people you would call. The level of loyalty runs strong with these relationships. You would gladly sacrifice for them, and they would gladly sacrifice for you. It can be a challenge to find and develop such deep, trustworthy relationships where you connect at a deep heart level. They know the good,

can trust us with their lives.” DANNY SILK

You want to use wisdom and not allow just anyone into your inner circle. You don’t want to have ‘walls’ in building relationships either. However, you only have a limited amount of time and energy to invest into relationships. Continue to make new friends. You never know if a new friend may later become an inner circle friend! If you

feel you do not have inner circle friends presently, be patient and look for opportunities to get to know others. We all need those close, supportive people in our lives.

ACTIVITY

On this circle grid, write in the names of some of the people who are in the outer, middle, and inner circles of your life. This could change over time. Doing this activity can help bring love boundaries to your awareness which can be helpful!

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Always try to be a little kinder than is necessary. J.M. BARRIE

DID YOU KNOW?

Check out YouTube videos by searching for 'Rice Experiments with Words' and 'Water Experiments with Words.'

“Words can inspire. And words can

destroy. Choose yours well.”

ROBIN SHARMA

– Call Out the Gold –

“Be careful with your words. Once they are said, they can only be forgiven, not forgotten.

“Words are powerful. They have the ability to create a moment and the strength to destroy it.”

“The magic of words is that they have power to do more than convey meaning; not only do they have the power to make things clear, they make things happen.”

CARL SANDBURG

UNKNOWN

FREDERICK BUECHNER

BRAVE & BEAUTIFUL

What is Love?

Love celebrates the good. Love is compassionate and kind. Love perseveres and endures. Love comforts and heals. Love is unselfish and sacrifices. Love is loyal and true. Love forgives. Love gathers and unites. Love is full of hope.

Love is a fruit in season at all times and within reach of every hand. MOTHER THERESA

She G

BRAVE & BEAUTIFUL

B RAVE & B EAUTI FU L JOU RN EY: SH E CON N ECTS

“The most truly generous persons are

those who give silently without hope of praise or reward.”

CAROL RYRIE BRINK, AMERICAN AUTHOR

JOU RN EY 03 • CHAPTER 16

Gives.

the power of generosity. Are you open-handed or tight fisted when it comes to being generous to others? When it comes to giving, you can give away your time, your money, material things, and your service to others. But why does generosity matter?

BEING GENEROUS HELPS YOU TO FOCUS OUTWARd Being self-centered and self-absorbed are not positive character qualities. Let’s face it! How many of us like to be around stingy people who only think about themselves? When you are intentional about being generous and helping others to succeed, you will experience the positive payback of loving and serving others—and gain a greater sense of confidence and value.

YOU WILL BE REFRESHED We all know that to increase our chances of living a long healthy life, we need to have a healthy diet, manage our stress, and exercise. Interestingly, a 2003 research study at the University of Michigan found that being generous may increase our life span! The researchers discovered that people who regularly did volunteer work had a lower death rate than those who didn’t volunteer.

“True generosity is an offering; given freely and out of pure love. No strings attached. No expectations.” SUZE ORMAN

ADDING VALUE TO THE LIVES OF OTHERS

“I have found that among its other benefits, giving liberates the soul of the giver.” MAYA ANGELOU

Imagine this…you are 80 years old. You are at your birthday party. People are coming up to the mic to express their birthday thoughts to you. Let’s say you did pretty good financially in life up to that point. Will they say that they were so impressed with your grand house or the amount in your bank account? Probably not… What would you want them to thank you for? A good guess might be you would want them to thank you for the ways you made a positive difference in their lives. That’s the stuff that makes a life worth living and worth remembering.

When you are generous towards someone, especially someone in need, you will probably feel a sense of joy and fulfillment that you made a positive difference in this world. Your sense of purpose receives a boost!

“Sometimes when we are generous in small, barely detectable ways it can change someone else's life forever.”

It has also been found that people who struggle with depression will usually feel uplifted after volunteering to help others.

MARGARET CHO

“It is not how much we give, but how much love we put into giving.” MOTHER THERESA

BRAVE & BEAUTIFUL

If you had the resources and you could practice radical generosity, what are some of the things you would want to do to benefit others and your community?

ACTIVITY

“Those who are happiest are those who do the most for others.” BOOKER T. WASHINGTON

“Give and give again. Keep hoping, keep trying, keep giving! People who give will never be poor.” ANNE FRANK, WRITER, HOLOCAUST VICTIM

PASSING ON YOUR WISDOM On a separate paper, write a letter to your younger self of 3 years ago. What life lessons would you want your younger self to know? What wisdom have you gained from your experiences? What lessons have you learned that can be passed on to encourage and help someone else?

Write one to three names of those peers or younger ones in your life that come to mind below. Make it a point to encourage them. Pass on your wisdom! You never know how one conversation could change a life for the better!

What are some important mistakes or wrong choices that you have made that you hope others will avoid? Next to each mistake listed, briefly jot down what you learned from that mistake or wrong choice.

Look for an opportunity to share some of your wisdom with someone younger than you to support and help them through life. Share stories from your life and lessons you learned.

BRAVE & BEAUTIFUL

MODEL GENEROSITY EVERYDAY 10 Things You Can Give Away

How about making it a point to do at least one generous act daily? This practice can change your life and impact others!

1. SMILE. GREET OTHERS.

We sometimes forget to smile. Smiling can be contagious and has amazing physical and emotional health benefits! Smiling also helps to spread positivity and makes you look more attractive.

2. HUG. GIVE A HANDSHAKE. PAT SOMEONE ON THE BACK.

Hugs and loving touch can help reduce anxiety and fears (while being sensitive to what is appropriate in each situation). Just look up YouTube videos on the power of hugs to learn about this amazing phenomenon!

3. SHARE A KIND WORD TO COMFORT, ENCOURAGE, OR CHEER ON.

Kind words can literally brighten someone’s day and have the potential of impacting someone for life! Speak it, text it, write it!

4. COMPLIMENT.

One of the most generous things you can do is give someone a compliment to communicate love, respect, affirmation, value, honor, and gratitude!

5. DO SOMETHING FOR SOMEONE. HELP OUT.

Serving others makes a difference in this world and leads to having a sense of purpose.

6. MAKE SOMETHING FOR SOMEONE. BE CREATIVE!

Write a poem, make a card, bake cookies… there are many creative things you can make to encourage someone.

7. SHARE OR GIVE AWAY WHAT YOU HAVE.

Sharing fosters connection between people. For example, you can share a funny story to spark some laughter (good medicine for the soul), you can share your food or material things with others, and you can share your wisdom. Sharing is love in action!

8. GIVE YOUR TIME TO SOMEONE.

We can lose, kill, and waste time, but we can also invest time into someone or serve a good cause! Everyone only has 1440 minutes in a day. Let’s aim to make our moments count.

9. PURCHASE A SMALL GIFT—EVEN IF IT’S SOMEONE’S FAVORITE CANDY BAR!

Buying gifts does not have to cost much! This small gesture communicates you were thinking of the person and wanted to bless them!

10. DONATE FINANCES TO A WORTHY CAUSE. Whether you have a good amount of money or very little money to donate, there may be opportunities for you to donate money to a worthy cause OR be a part of a fundraising campaign. Be creative! Some people even do a fundraiser for their birthday sharing with friends and family that instead of giving you a gift, they can donate to a worthy charity of your choice.

M IND F UL LET T ERING Trace the lettering - it does not have to be perfect! Enjoy the process of creative lettering

BRAVE & BEAUTIFUL

Action Steps

YOU GO GIRL! LET’S WALK IT OUT. she is Brave & Beautiful you!

••

She Celebrates. She Loves. She Gives.

CHOOSE ONE OR MORE OF THE FOLLOWING ACTIONS STEPS: 1. Spend 3 days in a row journaling about 3 different positive experiences you’ve had in your past (one

• What is something you are thankful for that happened to you recently?

those experiences.

• What is something sad or upsetting that happened to you recently?

per day). Express your feelings and thoughts about

2. Every day for a whole week, do one random act of

kindness for someone. Think up some creative ideas. Sometimes it is fun to do acts of kindness in secret!

3. Practice the art of purposeful gathering by creating moments to help people feel known, honored,

loved, and appreciated. Initiate planning a simple gathering with friends, such as a movie night, a

small party with a purpose or theme, or a picnic.

Activate your imagination! Maybe have a short list of fun questions everyone must answer. For example: • Where did you love going to as a child? • What was something embarrassing that happened to you?

• What made you feel brave recently? 4. Create a Gratitude Journal and daily list three or more things you are grateful for. 5. Search for a free ‘Five Love Language quiz’ on the internet to discover your top love language. Take

the test with a friend(s) to discover how they best

receive love. Be mindful to show them love in their

top love language so they really feel it! It is also good to become self-aware of how you best receive love from others! 6. Consider volunteering and giving your time to serve a good cause in your school or community.

• What is one way you’d want to be more like your parents and one way you’d want to be different?

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PART 2

Ever wonder… •

What is my potential?

•

What are my dreams that are waiting to be fulfilled?

•

What gifts are inside of me that are yet to be discovered and nurtured?

•

What problems will I creatively solve?

•

What useful, innovative ideas am I going to contribute to improve things?

•

What lives will I forever impact for good?

People are like that. If they are placed in limiting, harsh, negative environments, their growth is hindered. But if they are placed in an encouraging environment that promotes growth, then they have a greater chance of reaching their potential! Welcome to this next section that will create a space and place just for you to launch towards your incredible potential! This section will call out the gold in you in more ways than one! Prepare to be activated. Get ready to dream more!

These are great meditations for you. Whoa Girl! Arise in the splendor of your beauty. You are created to be a History Maker in your own right! Yes, that is you, but maybe you don’t believe it quite yet. Did you know that some species of fish grow to the size determined by their environment? If you put them into a small aquarium, they will forever remain small, but when released into a lake or stream, they grow very large according to their intended size!

BRAVE & BEAUTIFUL

Open your heart to embrace your creativity that is part of your intricate design. Your creativity has the potential to solve problems, invent new products or strategies, impact the world through the arts, and so much more! Your story is meant to release something powerful to this world—something so beautifully brave.

She She She

Dreams Creates Arises

She Dr

BRAVE & BEAUTIFUL

B RAVE & B EAUTI FU L JOU RN EY: SH E DREAMS

Dream on. Dream big. Discover your dreams, then take action.

JOU RN EY 03 • CHAPTER 17

reams.

“There is no greater gift you can give or receive than to honor your calling. It’s why you were born. And how you become most truly alive.”

“When I dare to be powerful, to use my strength in the service of my vision, then it becomes less and less important whether I am afraid.”

OPRAH WINFREY

AUDRE LORDE

WHAT AM I HERE FOR?

“Dream big, dare greatly, and shine brightly.” ROBIN SIEGER

THE WORLD IS WAITING FOR YOU TO BE WHO YOU WERE DESIGNED TO BE AND DO WHAT MAKES YOU...FULLY ALIVE! TAKE COURAGE...IMAGINE...IMPACT OTHERS! SPEAK YOUR DREAM OUT LOUD.

BRAVE & BEAUTIFUL

WHAT ARE YOUR

DREAM BIG.

PASSIONS?

There is so much more for you!

“ THE FUTURE BELONGS TO THOSE WHO BELIEVE IN THE BEAUTY OF THEIR DREAMS.” ELEANOR ROOSEVELT

WHY

ENVISION. TAKE ACTION.

BE A DREAMER?

dreamers are welcome BY MICHELE OKIMURA

Are you willing to go on a journey to unlock the dreams within you and unleash your passion and beauty in greater ways? Maybe, just maybe, there is an untamable, bold, wild dreamer inside of you that has yet to be awakened!

What is a dream? It is a picture of the future that you want to live someday. It involves our aspirations and hopes. We can have all kinds of dreams - even the fun ones!

Why dream? Because YOU WERE DESIGNED TO DREAM! Imagine a blank white canvas in front of you. What would you do if someone told you, “Go ahead and paint! I am excited to see what you come up with!” I wonder what would appear on the canvas of your imagination. Sometimes our dreams are forgotten…but they can later be brought back to life. I believe we human beings were designed to dream! You and I have the ability to envision, imagine, and dream!

WHY DREAM? YOU ARE A HUMAN TREASURE BOX WITH HIDDEN RICHES INSIDE. What things are slumbering inside of you that needs to be awakened? Dreaming can be like pulling to the surface some of the most unique and greatest parts of who you are—the gems within you!

WHY DREAM? YOUR DREAMS CAN POINT TO YOUR PURPOSE What moves your heart deeply will most probably be part of your life’s mission and calling. Have you ever done an activity, and after you were done, you had the feeling, “I was born to do this!” If you haven’t yet, you are on a journey to discover

BRAVE & BEAUTIFUL

what it is! It is a profound thing to see people joy-filled and fully alive as they do what they were made for.

Why dream? Your dreams could change the world. What if you were purposed to be a part of something that is meaningful and bigger than yourself? All great world changers and history makers started with having a dream. And so can you. Your dreams just may have the potential to impact the world and the lives around you in a big way! Picture the possibilities that can lie within a dream. An entire nation was changed under one man’s dream to be president. That man was Abraham Lincoln. Every invention in the world was dreamed up by its inventor. The following is a true story of how one dream changed the lives of numerous women in a city devasted by a terrible natural disaster. In 2011, a destructive tsunami hit Japan. Sue Takamoto, a missionary from America, was helping to clean up the wreckage when she noticed a pile of broken dishes. Suddenly an idea hit her! A business dream was birthed. Sue’s idea was to make jewelry out of the broken dishes! The Nozomi Project (nozomi means ‘hope’ in Japanese) is a business that brings income, dignity, and hope to the women in Ishinomaki, Japan, by training women to make jewelry out of broken pottery. The women working at Nozomi lost their livelihood in the tsunami, so this created a way to provide jobs for them. But there is more! As broken dishes were being transformed into elegant treasures, lives were being renewed with dignity and hope.

here! Note the meaning we can glean from this story – BEAUTY CAN ARISE OUT OF BROKENNESS! This is true for the broken dishes in Ishinomaki and for our lives.

that in mind, know that the phases of life you go through can all help to prepare you to pursue your dreams.

CREATING A DREAM Culture. How would it feel to not only have someone believe in you and your dreams, but also have others work alongside of you to help those dreams come true? Such a culture would be amazing! Let’s cultivate that kind of culture where we are!

Dreaming involves risk… it costs something. Dreaming involves risk… it costs something. There is also a sobering side of dreaming. REMEMBER— greatness often comes through serving the needs of others! Pursuing dreams requires sacrifice, perseverance, pushing through trials, picking yourself up when you fail, and overcoming negative judgments other people may make about you and your idea. It also means we must be willing to take action steps towards making the dream come to pass!

Dreams may not turn out as expected. Dreams may not always turn out as expected. For example, maybe a person dreamed of owning their own business, but once they had a business, they experienced unexpected challenges! But we grow through those surprises. Even if we do achieve our dreams, we still need to continue forward with new dreams and visions for the future.

DISCOVERING YOUR DREAMS How do you discover your dreams? It is a process, a journey of discovery that you need to choose to begin. Your present abilities will probably not take you to the finish line. With

You see things; and you say, ‘Why?' But I dream things that never were; and I say, ‘Why not?‘ – George Bernard Shaw

DreGa!m BI

GOING ON A TREASURE HUNT There are treasures within you. It takes time to learn which dreams are part of your purpose and calling in life and which dreams may be just a hope for this season. There may be dreams hidden in your heart waiting to be discovered! It can be helpful to do the following activities on your pathway to discovery.

ACTIVATION 1: What are some personal dreams for yourself? (for example being a great friend, be physically fit etc.)

What are some dreams for your family?

What are some dreams for the people in your community?

ACTIVATION 2: Your destiny and purposes may even be found in some of your dreams! Brainstorm some dreams in these following categories for starters to activate your dreaming: List 5-8 things I would like to have:

List 5-8 of your FUN DREAMS (for example I would like to bungee jump someday...dream big!):

List 5-8 places in the world you would like to visit someday:

What are some skills you would love to master? (for example, cooking, volleyball, play an instrument, fix a car)

What are some of your EMOTIONAL DREAMS? (for example, overcoming a particular fear, forgiving a person who really hurt you).

ACTIVATION 3: THE CONCERNS OF YOUR HEART The special concerns you have for society may also give you a clue to discovering your passions and dreams. If you had the power and resources needed to solve 3 problems in your community or world, what would those problems be?

BRAVE & BEAUTIFUL

ACTIVATION 4: WHO INSPIRES YOU Sometimes we see something in someone else that inspires us. Who Inspires you, past or present?

Why are you inspired by this person? What qualities do you admire about him or her?

ACTIVATION 5: MORE!

SHINE MORE. CARE MORE. GIVE MORE. MORE JOY. I WILL BE: (circle all that apply to who you want to be or be more of!)

Adaptable

Cooperative

Grateful

Kind

Productive

Adventurous

Creative

Grounded

Loving

Reliable

Articulate

Determined

Honest

Motivated

Responsible

Assertive

Enthusiastic

Hard-Working

Merciful

Secure

Brave

Encouraging

Imaginative

Organized

Stable

I AM NOT A HAS-BEEN. I’M A WILL-BE.

Balanced

Flexible

Influential

Patient

Self-aware

Lauren Bacall

Compassionate

Focused

Innovative

Persevering

Strong

Confident

Forgiving

Insightful

Positive

Visionary

Content

Generous

Joyful

Prayerful

“

“Most of the things worth doing in the world had been declared impossible before they were done.” - Louis D. Brandeis “While some may see them as crazy ones, we see genius. Because the people who are crazy enough to think they can change the world, are the ones who do.” - “Think Different” (Apple Computer Ad) “Thousands of perceptions, hunches, ideas, and intuitions race through our brains every day. Some are pure genius. Give them the red light for at least long enough to write them down.” - Ralph Ford

“There is no doubt that creativity is the most important human

resource of all. Without creativity,

there would be no progress, and

we would be forever repeating the same patterns.” EDWARD DE BONO

She Cr

BRAVE & BEAUTIFUL

B RAVE & B EAUTI FU L JOU RN EY: SH E CREATES

JOU RN EY 03 • CHAPTER 18

reates.

your creative f low Are you in your creative flow? Some of you reading this may have experienced a situation where you stepped out creatively and were criticized or rejected...which made you hesitant to risk again or even think you are creative. Here are thoughts to ponder:

Every human being is creative in their own unique way. Do you agree? If you disagree, hopefully by the end of this chapter you will agree!

Whether a person is a *Parent *Mechanic *Doctor *Landscaper *Musician *Photographer *Business person *Artist *Athlete *Hairdresser *Mathematician *Cook *Construction Worker *Technician *Engineer *Teacher *Architect *Plumber *Government official *Electrician *Student *Farmer *Manager or in any role, creativity is required. Everyone needs some level of creativity to • solve a problem • resolve a computer issue • write a paper • compose a text on your phone (especially if you use emojis!) • create a social media post

BRAVE & BEAUTIFUL

• dress themselves for the day • make a sandwich • make a chart • organize items • create a speech or presentation • decorate a room • put on make-up • plan an event

THE FUN FACTOR When you find yourself in your creative flow and create something, you will typically feel a sense of fulfillment, satisfaction, and probably experience a dose of joy and maybe even excitement. Creating can be fun.

In this section, be open to embracing your creativity in new ways AND disregard any notion that you are not creative!

“ “

Creativity is seeing what everyone else has seen, and thinking what no one else has thought.” ALBERT EINSTEIN

The creative process is a process of surrender, not control.” JULIA CAMERON

“Creativity is inventing, experimenting, growing, taking risks, breaking rules, making mistakes, and having fun.” MARY LOU COOK

Do Something Creative Every Day.

YOU ARE A MASTERPIECE! BY JAN TETSUTANI

Many people struggle with believing they can be creative. Usually, creativity is associated with the arts, but I assure you, it is so much more than that! Think about it. A smartphone started with an idea in someone’s imagination before it ever existed. The same can be said with a medical procedure, a new business strategy, how to bring unity in the midst of conflict, advancing technology, sports, science, stories, visual arts, poetry, or even helping someone in need. Creativity looks beyond the obstacles and sees the possibilities. The majority of the time the purpose of something is determined before it is created. The creator did not create a chair, and then think it would be for sitting. A paintbrush wasn’t made to stir soup. Just as a ladle wasn’t created to paint. You are made with a purpose! You are uniquely made with different gifts, talents, passions, experiences, perspectives, and stories. You have a unique expression like no one else. Don’t allow yourself to get caught up in the comparison trap. Sometimes we can feel of little or no value, because of the way we’ve been treated. We may feel stomped on, rejected, and discarded. But this does not change your value. If a hundred-dollar bill were to drop on the ground, get trampled on, and get into the gutter—would it still carry its value? Of course! Because its value has never changed, despite what it has been through. Your value never changes! In the art world, what makes a masterpiece so valuable is its uniqueness and beauty. It can cause the admirer to pause, reflect and be inspired. When you reflect on

the vastness of an ever-expanding universe, recognizing the beauty of the stars in the night sky, it can cause one to wonder. Like the stars in the sky, you too, can cause people to wonder, to pause, to be inspired. Copycat paintings are not as valuable because it is not the original, but, you—you are THE original, one-of-a-kind masterpiece!

TAKE SOME TIME TO REFLECT 1. Take some time to lay on the ground and look at the stars in the sky. What does it cause you to think or feel? 2. What is unique about yourself (what do you feel passionate about, what are your gifts & talents, your skills, your unique perspective, your experiences)? 3. How would you feel about your friend trying to be someone else? Why would that upset you? Have you been comparing yourself to someone else? 4. What are some ways that you can dream and creatively express yourself this week? Could you paint, write poetry, compose a song, write out the business idea you have been thinking about? Could you figure out a solution to a problem your friend is facing? Have you been facing a problem? Could you brainstorm some ideas to bring a solution?

Creativity surrounds me. Art is seen in nature.

A painted, glorious sunset in the sky. Sitting on that mountain rise,

COLOR

I watch the river flow.

My eyes drink in beauty. Flowers of every kind. Captured color.

Intense, vibrant saturation and soft wispy pastels.

Crazy colors in iguanas, birds,

saltwater fish, butterflies, and fruits.

The symphony for eyes is prepared.

Maybe, just maybe… no, surely, surely! Dare I believe with a humble heart

that I bring gorgeous color to the world?

Yes! My uniqueness is the essence of creativity. I am designed with beauty, personality, Intelligence, and mystery!

I am a masterpiece bringing the gift of who I am to the world.

THE DIRTY DOZEN

CONQUER THOSE CREATIVITY KILLERS! There are obstacles that can put a limit or downright stop our creative flow. We can become more aware of creativity killers and overcome them by changing our perspectives. Be open to looking at your beliefs or character issues that are stunting your free flow! Let’s take a look at the Dirty Dozen creativity killers. Check off the ones you struggle with the most and focus on overcoming those hurdles.

o LIES AND LABELS: Specifically

surrender any beliefs you have that

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of your creative design. Taking baby steps out of your comfort zone may lead to open doors and you’ll grow your capacity to create!

say you are not creative or intelligent!

o FEAR of failure: Creating anything

in your own unique way!

to fail. With each experience, you

Believe that you are a creative genius

o RULES to ‘color in the lines‘:

University professors, even at the most elite ivy league schools,

encourage their architect students to forget the rules to ‘color in the

lines’ that they learned in childhood! By freeing their imagination, they

puts yourself in a vulnerable position will grow and learn things as you

keep your heart teachable. Making a mistake does not make you a

mistake! Remember that Thomas

Edison had numerous failures before he finally invented the light bulb that changed the world!

are then able to envision the most

o ANXIETY, STRESS: Creativity can

considered works of art! Set your

clear mind, peace in your heart,

amazing buildings that can be

imagination free—it’s like a muscle

that needs to be exercised. See what

is possible! May your childlike wonder and curiosity rise once again!

o FEAR of being judged and

rejected: Being afraid of being

judged or rejected will freeze up your

flow more freely when you have a a positive outlook, and an

expectation that inspiration will

come. Seek help if you suffer from chronic anxiety. Do activities that

can help decrease your anxiety, such as deep breathing, exercise, and meditating on positive quotes.

creative flow. Despite the fact that

o DEPRESSION: Seek help if you find

work, take steps of faith and explore!

of sadness and lethargy. Focus on

some may judge you or dislike your

It is worth the risk to discover more

yourself depressed and in a tailspin

being grateful and celebrate what blessings you do have. Be in community with other people who will walk with you to victory.

o NEGATIVITY: Stewing in negative thinking can hinder your creativity due to the swirl of dark thoughts filling

your mind. If you struggle with disappointment or feel

disillusioned towards a situation or person, pursue getting help. Practice gratitude.

o PEOPLE PLEASING: You cannot please everyone. Yes, it can be helpful to consider feedback from others, but do not let your motivation be to please others.

o PERFECTIONISM: Valuing excellence in whatever we

do is a good thing. Yet, the stress and drive to be perfect

is unhealthy and damaging to overall health. Silence that harsh task master’s voice inside of you!

Creating and innovating takes time. Some helpful tips to overcome this hurdle are:

• Write down some goals. • Set priorities: what are the most important tasks today or this week?

• Write a to do list to follow. • Find a time and place with no distractions for creating.

This may be necessary for some creative projects. This can provide self-care. Creating can fuel your soul and inspire others!

o MENTAL BLOCK: Sometimes we can get so familiar with looking at things and situations in the same way.

Sometimes, you need to challenge yourself to think of new options and to ask yourself the question, “What if…?” Think

o PRIDE: Humility will keep you teachable and ever-

out of the box. Do something new or learn something new

equipping from others. Humility will also aid you when you

to us when doing non-linear things like walking the dog,

Other people’s ideas may spark even more creative

need a mind break from over analyzing to get creative.

growing. It requires a humble heart to consider input and

to stretch you mind. Remember, inspiration often comes

need to collaborate with others for any creative project.

washing dishes, or talking a walk! Sometimes, we just

directions and ideas in you.

o LACK OF TIME: Ever find yourself too busy or exhausted from constant activities? Do you tend to procrastinate?

Do you have difficulty managing your time so you are not productive when you should be? How many hours do you spend on social media? Are you addicted to your phone?

COLOR OUTSIDE THE LINES “

Gutenberg connected the coin punch with the wine press to create the printing press. Mendel connected math with biology to create genetics. Fred Smith connected the hub and spoke idea of

the wagon wheel to the U.S. Postal Service and created Federal Express. The roll-on deodorant was modeled after the ballpoint pen. Drive in movies inspired drive-in banks. The common

cocklebur inspired the design for the billion-

dollar Velcro industry. You have the power to connect—use it! ROGER VON OECH

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BE A COURAGEOUS CREATIVE! The world needs you WHAT DO YOU LIKE TO DO? • Crack jokes to make people laugh?

• Act in a play?

• Develop a new recipe?

• Draw or dance?

• Solve a math problem?

• Strategize to score points for your sports team?

• Capture a moment with your camera? • Write a poem?

• Create a thought-provoking post?

• Produce a film?

• Sing or play an instrument? • Do science experiments? • Organize a mess?

• Create an offensive strategy in a sport?

Getting in touch with your creative identity may involve looking back to your childhood when you were probably the freest to express yourself, when you didn’t care if you were being silly, you enjoyed play, and often used your imagination.

EXPLORING YOUR CREATIVE MIND Let’s explore. Maybe you will discover something about yourself you can appreciate. How did you use your imagination and creativity as a child? What activities did you enjoy doing in your playtime? What toys did you play with? List down the ways you expressed your creative mind:

“

EVERY CHILD IS AN ARTIST. THE PROBLEM IS HOW TO REMAIN AN ARTIST ONCE HE GROWS UP. PICASSO

Presently, what activities do you gravitate towards doing? What do you enjoy doing? Check off and briefly describe activities that you connect with: Visual Arts: Media: Health: Crafting: Producing: Math: Designing: Organizing: Technology: Performing Arts: Communication: Culinary: Music: Problem Solving: Sports: Writing: Science: Other:

It is your time to ARISE.

Shine! Live out loud your inspired life.

She A

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B RAVE & B EAUTI FU L JOU RN EY: SH E ARISES

JOU RN EY 03 • CHAPTER 19

Arises.

She arises. Unfurling her wings to fly. Daring to be powerful. Her hopes and dreams are a flaming torch in her heart. She celebrates others as they arise. Behold the brilliance Of her ARISING. I am her.

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THE LIONESS ROAR IS ARISING! BY MICHELE OKIMURA

“She is a Lioness. Let her believe in herself!” AVIJEET DAS

he lioness is truly an amazing animal. We all have heard that the lion is the king of the jungle – that makes the lioness the queen of the jungle. And like a good queen, she serves, fights for, and cares for her community. It has been said that the lioness is a symbol of strength, beauty, elegance, and passion. I propose, there is a lioness inside of each of us…we each have our own kind of roar we bring to the world. Maybe there is a wild side in each of us—something untamed and limitless waiting to be discovered and unleashed! A lioness is a creative word-picture that can inspire us. Here are some interesting facts about the lioness that speak to our lives:

STRENGTH AND POWER DISPLAYED Did you know that the lioness is the one that hunts for the pride? She is the one that does the main hunting and provides food—which calls for fierceness, strategy, and instincts. They are faster and lighter than a male lion, making them effective hunters. All of

us can display courage and fierceness for good things like justice issues and standing up for the disadvantaged. We have sound minds to think, strategize, plan, and implement. And I do believe there is such a thing as women’s intuition—an instinct that enables us to sense things in our gut that often times are accurate! “These women are talented and gifted, fearless yet honoring, connected yet self-contained, present yet far reaching, compassionate yet fierce, pure but not naive, strong and gentle, simple yet highly strategic.” LISA BEVERE, LIONESS ARISING: WAKE UP AND CHANGE YOUR WORLD

TENDER NURTURER The lioness cares for her young and protects them. Some of us are naturally more nurturing towards little children than others, but in our own unique way, each of us has the capacity to care, bring comfort, safety, and encouragement to others. We can also ‘birth’ new ideas, movements, solutions, inventions and so much more! We can care for our families, teams, businesses, workplaces, and more.

Search for some YouTube videos of a lioness hugging their owner and you can see the level of affection they are capable of! In the same way, your hugs can bring much love, healing, and comfort to people as well!

TEAMWORK The lionesses also work together to bring their prey down—they operate as a team. Imagine being a company of teenage girls and women of all ages who celebrate each other and cheer each other on without comparison or competition! We can learn to grow in valuing the gold in each other and work together for the greater good. We each have our gifts, talents, and abilities that are so varied and powerful. Together, we can accomplish great things! “In groups, lionesses become a creative and strategic force to be reckoned with, acting as one to change the world around them.” LISA BEVERE, LIONESS ARISING: WAKE UP AND CHANGE YOUR WORLD

Awaken that lioness inside of you and release your roar!

as you arise...choose wisely. Ever hear of crab mentality?

here is a story about a bunch of live crabs that were piled up in an open bucket. Each time one of the crabs attempted to climb out of the bucket and was almost to the top, the other crabs would pull it down! This can be related to some people who pull down those who try to grow and improve themselves, who do something different, and who aspire to reach for

their dreams. Like the crabs, they can criticize and be negative in an attempt to discourage any positive change within their friend who wants to arise. As you arise, choose your friends wisely. We can have various layers of friends, ranging from those who we are super close with to those who are more like acquaintances…and everything in between!

Friends can greatly influence you in the right ways or the wrong ways. Your life will be impacted greatly by the people who are running beside you in life, who link arms with you, who lift you up (not pull you down), who have your back, and who challenge you to grow! Choose wisely!

SOME FRIENDS… • MAY BE IN YOUR LIFE FOR YEARS OR FOR A BRIEF SEASON • MAY BE IN YOUR LIFE FOR A SPECIAL REASON • WILL BE YOUR FAVORITE ACTIVITY BUDDY • MAY BE A FAR-AWAY FRIEND

• MAY BE SO DIFFERENT FROM YOU

• MAY HAVE A LOT IN COMMON WITH YOU • REALLY ‘GET’ YOU

• STRENGTHEN YOU WHEN YOU FEEL WEAK

• HELP YOU TO REACH YOUR HIGHEST POTENTIAL

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ARISE IN CONFIDENCE BY DENNISA BUMGARDNER

or as long as I can remember, I’ve struggled with confidence. In fact, most girls do, according to studies on what social scientists refer to as “the confidence gap.” There is a major difference in confidence levels between genders. Most girls are significantly less self-confident than boys of the same age. Spoiler alert: we already knew that! Let’s face it, whether it’s the impact of the objectification of women in our culture, the bullying from internet trolls or the comparison trap we get stuck in because of social media, it is becoming increasingly hard to find confidence on our own. For me, 2020 truly magnified the intensity of this struggle. After losing lifelong friendships, being gossiped about, and slandered, my confidence was at an all-time low because there’s nothing like the critics of the world to make you feel insignificant. It was the perfect storm of self-doubt and comparison that ultimately turned into major depression.

based on the amount of likes I get, the number of followers I have or the brand of clothes I wear. It’s not in a number on a scale or the size of my waist, but my confidence is knowing and believing in my heart that I have immense value just by being me. If you are struggling with confidence, I encourage you to meditate on positive quotes about your value and embrace the fact that you are truly special, gorgeous in your own way, and are a treasure!

“

I was always looking outside myself for strength and confidence, but it comes from within. It is there all the time.“ ANNA FREUD

Sis, the good news is when you go through hard things, you learn a lot about yourself. What I learned from my experience was that I wasn’t alone in my struggle. I was reminded of countless women who historically struggled to see themselves as strong and confident. You see, my confidence is not in who I am or how well I perform. It isn’t

SHE ARISES VICTORIOUS BY SILVIA HOFFMANBECK

here are two most amazing days in our lives—the day we were born, and the day we discover why we were born. I was lost in Computer Programming and Information Technology when the glorious moment arrived. I thought I had my life figured out, but I was wrong. A significant event changed my life forever, and I decided to become a warrior and change the world one soul at a time as a counselor. I realized I was born to help others. Viktor Frankl was a psychiatrist imprisoned in the Death camps of Nazi Germany, where he lost everything. His entire family was destroyed before his eyes. They took him to the death camps where he wondered day by day if he would live or die. He daily witnessed the horrors committed against humanity. One day, the soldiers separated the prisoners to the right and left. Viktor was sure he would die. They had to

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undress and stand in front of the soldiers. His captors sent the people in Viktor's group to the showers, and he almost fainted in disbelief when he felt actual water running over his head! He then realized that the other group to the left marched to their death. After the shower, a soldier gave him an old and rugged coat; in the pocket, he found a note that helped him to have a purpose and love life with all his heart, soul, and strength. Viktor Frankl realized that war could take everything from him except the last of human freedoms. He was free to decide how this would affect him. He chose to have a purpose, and this changed his fate forever. After three years in the death camps, Viktor Frankl emerged victorious and stronger than ever, whereas others lost their heart. Love, and zest for a purposeful life, even in the worst circumstances, kept him alive to help others to find meaning. Viktor Frankl was a Holocaust Survivor, psychiatrist, and founder of “Logotherapy.” He wrote the book “Man's Search of Meaning” and went on to help millions. He said that we have the freedom to choose how we

will react to adversity in order to live a meaningful and purposeful life. When we are young, we think we have little power to make a difference around us, but we couldn't be any more wrong. Young people can positively influence their surroundings. Here are some mighty warriors that can inspire you:

ROSA PARKS refused to give up her bus seat to a white person in Alabama in 1955. Her courageous act inspired millions and sparked a turning point in the Civil Rights movement that continues today.

SUSAN B. ANTHONY was a great advocate for civil rights and social justice, the abolition of slavery, women’s suffrage, and women’s property rights. Her involvement led to the 19th amendment, which gives women the right to vote.

MARIE CURIE: First woman professor of General Physics at the University of Paris in 1906, developed the X-Ray Unit and won two Nobel Prizes in 1903 and 1911.

DR. MAE JEMISON: American Physician, first African American female NASA astronaut in 1987.

MOTHER THERESA: At the age of twelve decided to help people worldwide, and in 1979, received the Nobel Prize for her work.

AMELIA EARHART: The first aviator to fly across the Atlantic Ocean alone in 1928.

ROSE MCGOWAN: Activist who spoke out against her sexual abuser, studio head Harvey Weinstein, and women were empowered to share similar stories, ushering in the era of #Me Too and #TimesUp.

ADA LOVELACE: She passed away long before the computer age, but her mathematical algorithms and analytical engineering skills in 1840 gave her the title of “First Computer Programmer.”

MARGARET HAMILTON: Computer Scientist and business owner credited with coining the term “Software Engineer,” Hamilton designed the Apollo Space Program's flight software.

NANCY PELOSI: Democratic Leader of the United States House of

Representatives, the first female to serve as Speaker of the House.

QUEEN VICTORIA: Taking the throne at the early age of eighteen, enforced a law that every child had to attend school.

SALLY RIDE: First American woman to go to space and the youngest astronaut to have made the trip.

GRACE HOPPER: Computer Scientist who developed the idea of programming code as having its own language, popularizing the still used COBOL computer coding language.

SANDRA DAY O'CONNOR: First woman to serve as Associate Justice on the Supreme Court of the United States, on the bench from 1981 to 2006.

MAYA ANGELOU: Activist and poet, worked alongside Martin Luther King Jr. and Malcolm X to assure equality for all.

RUTH BADER GINSBURG: Female Justice of the Supreme Court who made a significant impact on equality, civil rights, and social justice, critically acclaimed for the films RBG and the 2018 biopic “On the Basis of Sex.”

KAMALA DEVI HARRIS: The United States' first female vice president, “Breaking the Glass Ceiling,” the highest-ranking female official in U.S. history, and the first African American and Asian American vice president, serving as the 49th Vice President of the United States.

HELEN KELLER: was an American author, a political activist, and the first deaf and blind person to earn a college degree, proving that the only obstacle in achieving one’s dreams is yourself. And all you girls in the world, pursue a meaningful life with your own dreams and purpose. Wherever life finds you, take one step at a time to make a difference. Imagine yourself breaking stereotypes and not limiting yourself. Find a compelling cause and be an example for all the strong, wise, brave, and beautiful young women like you. You have the power! Choose wisely and arise victorious!

Peaceful Ocean by Asia Brynne Anderson

need new glasses? Maybe you need new glasses—new lenses for new vision. As little

girls, many of us had curiosity and boldness to explore our world

and express ourselves…before insecurities, intimidation, doubt, lies, negative words, and comparing ourselves crept in to distort our

ability to see clearly. As we envision our future, let’s get some clarity about how we see ourselves and the world so we can dream

and envision with eyes of hope and anticipation of the good!

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GOT VISION? BY MARY COLBURN

an we be real for a moment? Being a teenager ain't easy, I know. I became a teenage mom at 19-years-old and today, I’m a mother of five children and a wife to my high school sweetheart.

I grew up running barefoot through overgrown sugar plantation fields in the North Kohala countryside on the Big Island of Hawaii. I was confident, brave, and free. At eight-years-old, I would pretend to be an official giving important speeches from a grand stage. Imagine me shouting to an imaginary audience - sometimes my dogs - with my tiny voice echoing in the streets while they howled in applause. My vision was to become a great public speaker; someone who had the ability to capture people’s attention and keep them entertained. It was a bold and unapologetic vision that came from the truest version of myself. However, life often brings unexpected change. At 13, my family abruptly decided on moving to the dizzying Honolulu city on Oahu Island. I did not like this move. I was heartbroken

to leave the rural comforts of my hometown and the carefree lifestyle we had. In this new town, I was confronted with a very different way of life. It wasn’t easy. People who I thought were friends proved to be untrue. I was constantly reminded that I didn’t fit in. Taunts like, "You’re too skinny," and "You’re too pretty,” were hurtful to me, especially when I’d never questioned myself before. The vile negativity from people, including those close to me, felt as if the world was conspiring to bring me down. As most teenagers, I wanted to be liked and to fit in. Was I tempted to pick up a cigarette to fit in? Yes. Was I pressured to the point of drinking alcohol and partying? Yes. But did I ever succumb to the pressure? No, never! However, the more I believed the dark lies about my worth, the more the vision of life dimmed and diminished. That innocent girl who dreamt of someday becoming someone special had slowly faded away because of the critical and callous voices that were allowed in. I knew I needed to get up, get moving, and start living again. Questions swirled and filled my mind. How do I find the momentum and dream again? How can I possibly overcome the chorus of negative voices that seemed louder than the still and quiet voice of truth? Fortunately, I was able to reaffirm my life’s vision by actively working on the following:

MY MIND It’s not surprising that people nowadays spend too much time staring mindlessly into electronic devices. When we misuse our time streaming TV shows, movies, and idling on our favorite smartphone apps, we become disconnected from what’s important. I’ll admit that I’m not perfect, and

there’s a chance that sometimes, my screen time can get excessive. I am not opposed to taking mental breaks by shifting focus to entertainment. However, staring blankly at a screen all day is not ideal. Focus on content that helps you grow in positive ways and makes you smarter. For example, set time aside to read a good book, listen to a podcast, or watch an online video course. In time, you will develop a sharper and more capable mind that will improve your life.

MY HEART It is easy for our hearts to be discouraged when we watch mainstream news reports filled with conflict, contention, and pessimism. And of course, there’s an ever-present social media that can be a dangerous path into criticism and endless disagreement. This is why you need to invest in your heart. Take breaks to meditate and examine your thoughts. If they are overly negative, you need to change them. Negative thinking will degrade your heart and lead your life downwards. I spend time to invest in my heart, but you should find what works for you. For instance, you can start a gratitude journal or use an affirmative mantra. Regardless of what you do, make time nourishing your heart because that is the essence of who you are.

“

Ones vision is not a road map but a compass.“ PETER BLOCK

Investing wisely into your mind and heart will ensure a successful journey to developing a vision for your life.

ACTIVITY TIME: YOUR VISION Journal your thoughts below.

1. GETTING STARTED What do you do in your free time? Why do you do those things?

2. DISCOVERING YOUR PASSION What is a topic you love talking about? Why do you think that fires you up?

3. DEFINING SUCCESS Why do you exist? What do think your purpose is? What are you good at?

4. CORE VALUES Reflect on what is important to you. List 3-5 core values.

“Vision without action is merely a dream. Action without vision just passes the time. Vision with action can change the world.” -Joel A. Barker

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5. CASTING A VISION • • • •

What is your why? What are you passionate about? What would you like to accomplish? If you are not sure how to answer these questions—be patient! This is a process of discovery!

6. FIND THEMES Now, look back over everything you have written. Do you notice any similarities or themes from your answers? Record these below.

7. YOUR PERSONAL VISION STATEMENT Write a personal vision statement. • • • • • •

It does NOT have to perfect. Have it express what matters most to you, what you stand for, and the kind of person you want to be. It can be a sentence or a paragraph. Your vision statement will continue to evolve over time, but you can begin here. Write it in present tense. Review your vision regularly and make changes as you grow and mature.

“Write your goals down. Write your goals on paper and not in your mind. That makes the vision plain. Spend quality time with yourself and review your life.” -Oscar Bimpong

here you stand. 68

Maybe…someday? The buzzing and swirls of a busy life with schoolwork, extra-curricular activities, family life and our social life can distract us into so many directions! Yikes! We can’t avoid those unexpected twists and turns of life but we don’t have to be at the mercy of our circumstances either. We can take time to remind ourselves that we have purpose. Finding your purpose can feel overwhelming and out of reach. It is a journey of discovery that involves reflecting on what is in your heart along the way. Here are some projects that can serve as a daily compass to keep you moving in the right direction towards your future, while staying true to yourself.

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Your Values

list 3-10 values you have.

LETTERS TO YOURSELF

• YOUR VALUES: It is good to recognize what values you feel especially strongly about. Values help us to grow, and they guide us in our decisions. Our strong beliefs can also give us clues to our unique purpose on what we are meant to impart to this world. It could be values such as: honesty | creativity | cooperation | peace | compassion | nature Take a few minutes and write down your values. Print them out and put them somewhere where you will view them often. You can get creative and add graphics or drawings to your list. You can frame it if you want to! • LETTERS TO YOURSELF: How about writing a few letters to your future self? Fill those letters with words of encouragement, faith, strength, and hope. Ask a friend to mail these to you monthly or quarterly—whatever you decide! It's like giving yourself a pep talk and it may just work out where you receive the encouragement just when you need it.

MAKE A VISION BOARD

• MAKE A VISION BOARD: Creating a vision board can be a fun project to do by yourself or with others. It can inspire you to keep going towards your goals. Create a vision board with items such as photos, graphics, magazine clippings, quotes, words—selected items that will remind you to live purposefully. It can be as simple or as complex as you want it to be. Get creative! Then keep it in a location in your room where you can look at it from time to time! • FOCUS WORD -OR- WORDS: See if you can express your vision for the year in just one word or a short phrase. For example, you may choose the word ‘generosity’ as an attitude you want to live out. It could be a verb, adjective, or noun! Spend time meditating on this word and do some research to unpack its meaning for you.

FOCUS WORD -ORWORDS

You can write it, paint it, or sketch it. You can take a photo of what you created and make it the background image on your devices or place it on your mirror, so you see it daily. Examples of verbs: breathe, connect, heal, nurture, love, dance adjectives: pure, simple, healthy, wild, creative, peaceful nouns: freedom, compassion, gratitude, generosity, courage

Truth cards

• TRUTH CARDS: Part of growing, thriving, and arising is believing the truth. It is vital to replace negative beliefs with positive truths. What are the conversations you have with yourself? Create small cards on cardstock paper with your favorite short messages to yourself. Keep these tiny cards in your wallet or bag and look at them when you have time during the day, when you are waiting for something or have any down time! A quick read can help keep your attitude and perspective positive and renew your mind! They could be quotes that keep you inspired and encouraged.

Little girls with dreams become women with vision. ANONYMOUS

Taking a risk & stepping into the unknown.

Vision - Step. Photo by Asia Brynne Anderson

As you reach for something Brave & Beautiful, you might just discover something that will change everything. Taking a RISK can be scary! Risk exposes you to the possibility of loss, failure, or danger, but it also exposes you to unlimited rewards and possibilities. And it can change your life for the better. You, the butterfly, can emerge through the struggle from your cocoon more magnificent and breathtakingly dazzling than ever before.

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how will you give something Brave & Beautiful to the world?

M IND F UL LET T ERING Trace the lettering - it does not have to be perfect! Enjoy the process of creative lettering

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Action Steps

YOU GO GIRL! LET’S WALK IT OUT.

she is Brave & Beautiful you!

••

She Dreams. She Creates. She Arises.

CHOOSE ONE OR MORE OF THE FOLLOWING ACTIONS STEPS: 1. Become a bigger dreamer by learning about a

famous person you admire. Research their backstory and learn about their life journey—the victories, the setbacks, and hardships they pushed through.

Journal your discoveries:

3. Creativity expresses itself in unlimited ways—

through math, science, writing, business, a sense of humor, problem solving, the arts, fixing things, inventing things, and the list goes on! Reflect on

ways that you express your creativity. Pick one of the expressions you have. Explore opportunities around

• What positive insights/truths have you gleaned from their story that moves you to dream?

• How did their story capture the nature of risk? • In what ways were they beautifully brave? 2. Explore the arts! Whether you are actively involved in the arts or not, we are all created to appreciate artistic expressions such as an eye-catching

you to develop and grow in that creative expression— maybe it is taking a class, doing a project, starting a blog, or talking with a person who is creative in the

same way to glean practical help to develop yourself to a more excellent level in that area!

4. To arise means to be brave and take a risk—to make a choice to grow and stretch yourself out of your

comfort zone! Try one or more of these actions this

painting, photo, a good movie, an amazing song

week…push forward instead of pulling back:

yourself to something creatively artistic and glean

• Speak up in a conversation even though someone may disagree

or dance—or nature itself! Get inspired by exposing meaning and insights from art. Here are some ideas: • Attend a live music or dance performance (or watch a video) • Go to see a live play • Visit an art museum • Watch a good movie • Visit the aquarium or zoo

• Reach out to a person you would like to get to know and initiate a short conversation • Share an idea you have that you haven’t told anyone before • Is there an idea you want to act upon, yet you find yourself hesitating? Say YES! Take baby steps to do it and start your adventure!

1-888-373-7888

TOLL-FREE HOTLINE | 24/7 CONFIDENTIAL

Get Help Report Trafficking

SHE CELEBRATES

JOURNEY 03 • PAGE 08~19

DISCUSSION QUESTIONS •

When was the last time you expressed gratitude to someone?

•

Who is a person you know personally or know of who has a positive outlook on life and celebrates life despite their circumstance or handicap? Share briefly about this person. (As a leader, share as well).

•

In what ways can being grateful each day affect your mood and perspective?

•

In what ways can being grateful improve your relationships?

•

What is a take-away from the “Let’s ReFrame,” article?

•

Watch a short YouTube Video of your choice about Nick Vujicic that clearly displays his positive celebration of life and thanksgiving despite his handicap. Ask the group to share their take-aways. In what ways does Nick inspire you to celebrate life more? *Or you can show a video about another inspirational person and discuss take-aways.

ACTIVITIES THANK YOU JOY! Materials Needed: • timer (can use your phone) • Brave & Beautiful journey book Instructions: Start off with this fun icebreaker: Make Me Laugh

Divide group into 2 teams.

One team must make one person from the other team on the hot seat laugh within 1 minute. They can do anything except touch the person.

If the person on the hot seat shows their teeth (before the minute is up), it's considered laughing and the other team gets a point. The other players on the side can be in charge of keeping time.

You can repeat the above instructions so each person in the group has a chance to be in the hot seat if there is time.

Highlight that celebrating life by being grateful is a great way to add joy and laughter to your life! Sometimes celebrating also includes having a sense of humor whenever possible!

On page 12, you had to list 20 things that you're grateful for. Without looking at your list, let's practice that same exercise again together. Everyone, take a turn and share 5 things off the top of your head, big or small, that you're grateful for. Try to think of something you didn't already write if you can. Have a time of sharing.

BRAVE & BEAUTIFUL

Ask the following questions to the group and have the girls share. If the group is large, you can have them break into smaller groups. - What is something you are grateful for that you did not have 3 years ago? - What's the nicest thing someone said to you in the past week? - Which action step from the list found on the bottom of page 12 (correct page number) did you practice this week? How did it go?

Ask each girl to choose an action step from page 12 that she will practice this week for their application.

Have everyone share one thing they’re grateful for from this meeting together.

THANK YOU CARDS Materials Needed: • ready-made thank you cards (one for each girl) or blank cardstock that can be folded into a card and decorated • pen/pencil • (optional) peaceful instrumental music • (optional) music player/speaker • (optional) crayons, markers, colored pencils, scrapbook paper and embellishments, glue sticks, stickers • As a leader, write a thank you letter to someone you appreciate, giving specific examples of why you're grateful for that person OR be ready to share a beautiful thank you note that someone wrote to you. You will need this for the activity.

Instructions 1.

Discuss how a handwritten note is special these days when so many things are digital. Read aloud a thank you note you received from someone or a note you wrote to give to someone, as an example of things which can be expressed. The more specific the better!

Give each girl a thank you card or blank paper.

Have them write a letter to someone in their life, thanking that person for something specific. They may add a drawing or decorate their card if there's time.

Play soothing music during this activity if you desire.

Encourage the girls to mail, hand-deliver their thank you card (if it's possible), or better yet, read their card to this person.

Encourage the girls to make it a lifestyle practice to write handwritten thank you notes to people to express their gratitude.

SHE LOVES

JOURNEY 03 • PAGE 20~29

DISCUSSION QUESTIONS •

Referring to the article, “Being a Good Friend,” which way of loving others do you want to improve in and why?

•

Looking at this same list, how do you typically show love for others?

•

Of the many ways of expressing love, how do you prefer others show their love for you?

•

Relook at the article “For Real, Be a Safe Person.” Share a time when you were hurting, opened your heart, and then someone said or did something that made you feel worse! What did they say? (So, you can avoid making that same mistake towards others.)

•

Recall a time when you opened your heart, were vulnerable in your sharing and the person who listened to you made you feel comforted and safe. What did they say or do that made you feel you could trust them and that you felt understood?

•

What qualities make a good friend?

ACTIVITIES THE LISTENING EAR Materials Needed: • chart paper • marker Instructions: 1.

Discuss the difficulty in being a good listener—that active listening takes practice and that we must learn the skill and art of listening. We can always grow in improving our listening skills!

As a group, brainstorm the actions that a good listener does and doesn’t do (such as eye contact, not being on their phone etc.) and record their ideas on the chart paper.

Share that today you will give them two tools to practice in active listening—which are: 1. REPHRASING: Learn to rephrase what the person just said in your own words. 2. REFLECTING BACK FEELINGS: Use a phrase to affirm and rephrase what you think they are feeling.

Emphasize that the rule is, they cannot comment, give advice, or say anything else aside from rephrasing or reflecting back feelings. Explain that using these two skills takes focus and effort!

Call up a volunteer to partner with you to model what you want them to do. You and your volunteer should face each other while sitting in chairs in front of the group.

Have the volunteer share about a problem or concern they have. (They can make one up.)

BRAVE & BEAUTIFUL

As a leader, during the natural pauses in the conversation, rephrase back to the volunteer what you are hearing, such as, “So you are saying that you went to the store and then...” If you want to, you can ask, “Is what I said accurate?”

During the activity, reflect their feelings back to them using appropriate phrases such as, “It seems that you are feeling very sad and disappointed about what happened,” or “It sounds like that really angered you.”

Have the group break into pairs and have them practice being the listener and the person sharing a problem or concern. Give them 5 minutes (or longer) for each round.

10. Discuss as a group how that experience was for them. 11.

Encourage them to practice these two active listening skills in their conversations to help the other person feel listened to and valued.

APPRECIATION NOTES Materials Needed: • pencils • stationary for each participant • (optional) peaceful instrumental music • (optional) music player/speaker Instructions 1.

Have participants write a letter expressing love/affirmation to a friend or family member that was placed in their inner circle on page 27. Music can be played while the girls are writing.

If participants are somewhat well acquainted with each other, ask them to either verbally share or write on paper the gifts, talents, skills, and personality traits that they appreciate about each member of the group.

FIVE LOVE LANGUAGES Materials Needed: • a copy of the “Five Love Language Quiz” for each person (you should be able to easily find a free downloadable quiz online) • pen/pencil Instructions 1.

Have each person take the “Five Love Languages Quiz.”

Have each person share their top two main love languages. It can be fun to learn more about the best way to express love to friends and family in the ways they best receive love.

SHE GIVES

JOURNEY 03 • PAGE 30~37

DISCUSSION QUESTIONS •

What does it mean to be generous?

•

What is the most generous gift you have received? Who did you receive it from? Why is it special to you?

ACTIVITIES CREATIVE GIFTS Materials Needed: • paper and pencil for each participant Instructions: 1.

Ask each participant to generate a list of gifts for others that do not cost any money.

Ask each participant to share their list and create a group list of gift ideas.

If participants are well acquainted with each other, they could do a gift exchange. Ask each participant to pick a name from “a hat.” The participant gives a gift that must be inspired from the heart to express their love and appreciation for the recipient at the next meeting. Another option is to encourage each participant to give a gift to someone they appreciate in the coming week and share their experience at the next meeting.

BAKED GOODIES Materials Needed: • recipe and ingredients for a baked good of choice (like cookies, brownies etc.) • utensils and dishes • packing materials Instructions:

During the meeting prior to doing this activity, brainstorm as a group and create a list of people or groups of people you could give baked goods to (such as the elderly in your church, a needy family, an organization that houses the homeless, or the local fire station, etc.)

During the meeting prior to doing this activity, also decide on the baked good that the group wants to provide.

As a group, follow the recipe and prepare and package the baked goodies.

The group can also create tags or notes with encouraging words on them for each bag of goodies.

If possible, deliver the goodies to the recipients as a group.

Debrief as a group any take-aways from this activity as related to being generous.

BRAVE & BEAUTIFUL

HOLIDAY GENEROSITY Materials Needed: • Make a list of materials needed depending on what holiday gifts or project the group decided on. The project can be as small and simple, or as large as the group decides. The ability to commit their time is a determining factor in how big or small to go. (Examples: You can coordinate Samaritan’s Purse Shoe Box Gift Giving for Christmas such as Operation Christmas Child, or make Valentine gifts for the patients in a local elderly care home etc.)

Instructions: 1.

As a group (or even parent/mentor and teen girl pair) plan and implement this holiday project that demonstrates generosity with a holiday theme. Be creative and innovative!

Debrief the experience after the project is completed.

RADICAL GENEROSITY Materials Needed: • Look up ‘Acts of Generosity’ or ‘Big Tips for Servers’ on YouTube and find a great clip of generosity in action that you can show in your group meeting. There are some great clips of customers giving waiters or waitresses huge tips that are very moving. • The movie, The Ultimate Gift Instructions: 1.

Discuss how generosity is not necessarily about the amount given, but it’s about attitude. For example, someone who has very little but gives much of what they have can be considered very generous.

Discuss how we might imagine that IF we had MORE money, then we could be more generous. If you are not generous with a little, you probably won’t be generous if you have a lot. Generosity is a heart issue.

As a leader, give examples of generosity you have experienced in your life.

Watch the YouTube video showing radical generosity that you prepared and discuss take-aways.

Watch the movie, The Ultimate Gift and discuss take-aways.

As an optional application—the next time you go out as a group for a snack, practice radical generosity and give a HUGE, unexpected tip to the server along with words of affirmation and gratitude! Discuss take-aways from that experience. As a leader, you could pay the tip or ask if any of the teens want to add to the tip!

SHE DREAMS

JOURNEY 03 • PAGE 40~47

DISCUSSION QUESTIONS •

What is something that excites you? What is something you can do this week or this month to take a step towards exploring this?

•

The burdens of our heart can spur us to dream of a better world—and perhaps you can be part of the solution in those very areas! Share 1-2 issues in your community or world that especially burdens you and share why. (Examples: homelessness, political corruption, racism—anything that really concerns you.)

•

What are 1-3 fun dreams you have? (travel to a certain place, bungee jump etc.)

•

What is one dream you have for your future?

ACTIVITIES DREAM MOBILE Materials Needed: • hanger for each girl • assorted colors of yarn • beads/feathers • cardstock paper (can be various colors of cardstock or thicker scrapbooking paper) • color markers/colored pencils/crayons

• scissors • hole puncher • glue • peaceful, instrumental music • music player/speaker

Instructions: 1.

Play peaceful instrumental music.

Ask each girl to think of dreams they currently have for themselves.

Ask each girl to draw a picture or write a word to represent each of their dreams, cut and decorate their paper, and tie it onto their hanger to create their Dream Mobile.

If time permits, ask girls to share their Dream Mobiles.

JAR OF DREAMS Materials Needed: • glass jar for each girl • assorted colored strips of paper 1” x 2” • permanent markers • glitter, various embellishments like rhinestones found in craft stores. • craft glue • (optional) pretty, printed tissue paper or paper napkins

BRAVE & BEAUTIFUL

• matte MOD PODGE (typically found in craft stores or on Amazon) • scissors • brushes • peaceful, instrumental music • music player/speaker • (optional) glitter glue

Instructions: 1.

Play peaceful music.

Ask each girl to think of dreams they currently have for themselves.

Ask each girl to write each of their dreams on a different strip of paper then add it to their Jar of Dreams. If they need assistance thinking about their dreams, you might prompt them to think about their dreams for their career, extracurricular activities, family, living location, etc.

Have the participants decorate their jar with glitter and/or embellishments.

Optional: If you provided pretty, printed tissue paper or paper napkins and MOD PODGE, have participants cut out the designs they want (like printed flowers) and with a brush and MOD PODGE, participants can decoupage their jar. (The MOD PODGE will dry clear.) Check out YouTube for how-tos. Adding embellishments after decoupaging is optional.

DREAMING BIG Materials Needed:

• laptop or smart phone for each participant

Instructions: 1.

Discuss the power and practice of dreaming big and looking at possibilities.

Discuss that there are many people living now or in history who have dreamt big and have accomplished so much because of their ability to have vision despite their circumstances. Such people can inspire us to dream big as well.

Give each person about 20 minutes to search on the internet for a person they know of who accomplished a dream they had and read about their journey.

Have each girl share in the large group some fast inspirational facts about the person they read about.

BUCKET LIST Materials Needed: • paper and pen

Instructions: 1.

Have each person spend a few minutes creating a bucket list of 10 things they would like to do in their life.

Have a time of sharing 1-3 things from their list with others.

SHE CREATES

JOURNEY 03 • PAGE 48~55

DISCUSSION QUESTIONS •

Many people relate the word creativity only to the arts. However, every person is creative in their own unique way. What do you like to do to express your creative side? Solve problems? Create systems and organization? Play a musical instrument? Sing? Dance? Invent? Paint? Doodle? Bake? Write? Work on Arts/Crafts? Strategize?

•

Expressing our creativity and innovation requires RISK! People may judge you, your idea may not work, or other challenges may arise. Do you sometimes hold back in expressing your ideas or acting on a creative idea or are you a natural risk-taker and love the challenge? What tends to keep you from taking risks?

•

What do you do to get into your creative/innovative zone?

•

IBM conducted a survey in 2020 involving 1500 CEOs of businesses in 60 countries and in 33 industries to find out what they believed was the #1 key to success. Guess what! CREATIVITY ranked #1 above having vision and management abilities. Why do you think creativity is so important to having a successful business?

ACTIVITIES READ ALOUD STORY Materials Needed: • read aloud website or hard copy of the book “Ish” • peaceful, instrumental music • music player/speaker Instructions: 1.

Google a Read Aloud or borrow the book, “Ish” by Peter Reynolds (This is a story about a little boy who doesn't think his work is perfect enough to display and throws out his drawings. His sister picks up all of his discarded work and displays them because they are ___ ish. The little boy realizes that it's ok to not be perfect and instead appreciates and values being -ish.)

Discuss: - Which character do you relate the most to? Why? - What do you think the characters learned? - What lesson do you think the author wants you to remember?

Put on quiet, reflective music and tell the girls to be open to inspiration to write a song, create a dance, sketch a picture, create a recipe, or write a poem, etc.

Ask for volunteers to share their creation.

BRAVE & BEAUTIFUL

INSPIRED PAINTING Materials Needed: • acrylic paints • paper plates or plastic paint palates • canvases (you can find good deals at Walmart) • brushes

• peaceful, instrumental music • (optional) pencils • paper towels • cups with water to rinse brushes for each person

Instructions: 1.

Explain that everyone will be painting something they are inspired to paint.

Have the group close their eyes as they spend a couple minutes envisioning something that represents an encouraging message.

Have participants put a few dollops of various paint colors of their choice onto their plate or palate to begin with and have them start painting.

Play peaceful music.

Have a time of sharing their painting, the meaning behind it, affirming everyone’s creation!

INNOVATION Materials Needed: • large box of drinking straws for each group of 2-3 people • bag of larger “T” pins for each team Instructions 1.

Discuss that creativity spans beyond the arts and is needed in business, every single career and industry. Have the group brainstorm and call out examples of creativity and innovation in action in non-artistic work. For example, creativity and innovation is vital in: - Construction work - Medical surgery - Plumbing

- Science research - Architecture - Engineering

- Computer programming

Brainstorm ways that we all create every day and don’t realize it! Creativity is at work in many activities. Some examples to get the ideas flowing are: create a text with or without emojis, make a sandwich, solve a math problem, fix something that broke, plan an event, write a paper etc.

Discuss how creativity and innovation can increase when you collaborate with others for ideas and solutions.

Break up the group into groups of 2-3 and give each a box of straws and pins.

Explain that they will be given 20 minutes to build the tallest structure that is able to stand tall and not collapse using the straws and pins to attach them together.

When time is up, have fun looking at everyone’s creations!

Discuss what were their take-aways regarding creativity at work in the activity.

SHE ARISES

JOURNEY 03 • PAGE 56~73

DISCUSSION QUESTIONS •

What is a take-away from the article, “The Lioness Roar is Arising”?

•

Referring to the article about the crab mentality, have you ever personally experienced or observed the crab mentality happening? Have a time of sharing.

•

Share your personal vision statement from page 67.

ACTIVITIES ARISE ACTIVITY Materials Needed: • 6 pieces of paper per participant • 1 large poster board size paper per participant

• pencils/markers/crayons/ colored pencils • scissors • glue

Instructions: 1.

Give each participant 3 pieces of paper. On each piece of paper, have the girls write about something they want to overcome and rise above. When done, have them crumple and throw away each paper.

Give each participant 3 new pieces of paper and ask them to write down things that they look forward to aspiring toward. Have them glue these onto a larger poster board paper, decorate it, and place it someplace in their room, home, etc. where they will be able to see it daily and be reminded of who they are arising and aspiring to be!

WORD PICTURES Materials Needed: • journal • computers/printers if available Instructions: 1.

Have the girls decide on a word that expresses an attribute they want to arise in. For example, maybe the word ‘kindness’ or ‘courage’ comes to mind.

If computers are available, visit: https://wordart.com to create a word cloud as another creative way to visualize the way one is arising and growing. If using this style of word art, then each girl can write down additional related words to represent that area they are arising in.

REMINDER MUGS Materials Needed:

• dishwasher Safe MOD PODGE (available online, Amazon, craft stores) • flat brushes

BRAVE & BEAUTIFUL

• scissors • cardstock, scrapbooking paper

• (optional) glitter • pre-printed quotes that have to do with arising forth. It could be along any of the themes covered in the Brave & Beautiful Journey. They must be sized to decorate a mug with. *Or if possible, have a laptop and printer available so girls can search for 1-2 quotes online that they can print out. • (optional) scrapbooking sheet that already has many various positive sayings to cut out. In this case, the girls can simply choose and cut out their favorite saying. • white mugs, one per participant (mugs can be purchased online or at Dollar stores - make sure they are clean by wiping with alcohol to remove any oils or grime) • laptop to watch a YouTube Video on “How to make mugs with dishwasher safe MOD PODGE.”

Instructions 1.

Discuss how we all need reminders to walk out the themes in Brave & Beautiful—discuss how growth and change is a process! Explain how the project today is about decorating a mug with powerful words that will help them to stay the course.

Introduce this project by watching a YouTube on how to use Dishwasher Safe MOD PODGE.

Give the participants time to create their mug with a quote(s) and embellishments.

Have a time of sharing what they created and why they chose their particular quote. Celebrate everyone’s creation.

Encourage the girls that they can use their mugs to drink or as a container for items! The purpose of this mug is to remind them of a truth or encouragement to live by!

LETTER TO YOUR YOUNGER SELF Materials Needed: • lined paper or journal for each person

•

pens

Instructions 1.

Discuss that as each girl has matured over the years, each of them has gained new insights that they didn’t have when they were 5 or 8 years old in elementary school. Each of them has grown and is arising forth in many ways.

Ask each girl to reflect about who they were as a little girl.

Explain that they are going to do an activity that can be an interesting way to discover the wisdom they now have—all part of the arising process. Explain that they are to write an encouraging letter to their younger self.

Discuss how their younger self had an innocence and a childlike way of viewing the world. Explain that sometimes our childhood holds good memories, and some may have sad, even traumatic memories. Regardless, their older self has gained new insights about life over the years.

Have each girl write a short encouraging letter to their younger self. Have them express loving affirmation to that ‘little girl’ and encouraging words to persevere, knowing there is a rising up that is happening in later years!

GROW IN CONFIDENCE. KNOW YOUR IDENTITY. PROTECT YOURSELF FROM VICTIMIZATION.

urney

FOR GIRLS

ISBN: 979-8-9862965-3-1 Art Direction and Graphic Design: Ahava Design, LLC. Photos by Unsplash and Pixabay.

Welcome to Journey 4!

Dear Reader, You are called to be a Brave Heart. She listens. In this next section, you are called to listen to wisdom. We will give you tools to protect yourself from being coerced and victimized into sex trafficking by friends, schoolmates, online predators, or strangers—people you know or don’t know well— in person or online. Our heart is for you to not walk in fear, but instead walk in wisdom and confidence! May this publication empower you to protect yourself and others you care about. TWO MILLION WOMEN MISSING EACH YEAR: Susan Tiefenbrun, a professor at the Thomas Jefferson School of Law in San Diego, California, discovered after extensive human trafficking research that more than two million women are missing each year due to being bought and sold for sexual exploitation.

• Take a moment to ponder this fact.

• Allow this crisis to touch your heart.

ANTI-SEX-TRAFFICKING is a justice issue and a cause we invite you to join. Have the courage to LISTEN and be moved in your heart.

Let us make a difference together!

Michele Okimura Executive Director, Explicit Movement

BraveAndBeautiful.world

PORNOGRAPHY

SEXUAL ABUSE & TRAUMA

SEX TRAFFICKING

VOICES OF FREEDOM

HOPE RISING

Imagine A Place… BY MICHELE OKIMURA

Imagine a place. A place where light exposes darkness So that nothing is hidden. A place where people are invited To dance and embrace what is good and true. Imagine a safe place. A place where vulnerability is welcomed, Safeguarded, and honored. Where voices are heard And genuine love transforms lives. Imagine a resting place. Homes. Where children and youth Freely entrust their hearts to their parents. A safe home, where answers to difficult issues Are discovered together…with no shame. Imagine an honoring place. Where integrity and dignity are embraced. Where hearts are protected and valued. A place where battles to protect relationships are won. Where lives are celebrated and differences are respected.

BRAVE & BEAUTIFUL

Imagine a healing place. A place where no person feels alone, unwanted, unloved. A place where each understands their immense value. Where lives and broken relationships are restored. Where forgiveness, grace, compassion abound. Imagine a brilliant place. Where individuals, families, Cities and nations experience true transformation. Because of unity of heart and vision. Because of the commitment to honor Each person’s gifts, talents, and design. Imagine a place. Where no one hides in the darkness, Or in the loneliness of their personal closets. But is welcomed and beckoned forth To partner with others to help change the world.

Nothing happens just because we are aware. But nothing will ever happen until we are

aware

GARY HAUGEN

LISTEN

PART 1

+ Pornography + Sex Abuse + Sex trafficking

Connect the dots...

Welcome! You are closer to the finish line! This final stretch of your pathway brings you to an important destination. Previous chapters have prepared you to now LISTEN to the voices you will hear in this section. Lean in and keep your heart open as you: • Listen to truths and stories that will enlighten your mind and move your heart. • Listen to the voices of encouragement cheering you on to walk in your personal power as you make positive, healthy choices. • And listen even more to the voices of wisdom that can literally save your life and the life of your friends. BUT FIRST, THERE ARE SOME DOTS TO BE CONNECTED…

Ok, we get it! Talking about the following topics is not light and comfortable conversation! Yet these activities saturate our culture today and may sooner or later touch your life if they have not already: PORNOGRAPHY: The average age of first exposure to

pornography in America is 8-11 years old. We live in a culture where almost all, if not all teen boys have viewed or are addicted to pornography. Teen girls viewing pornography is on the rise and is often considered a normal pastime. Yet, viewing pornography damages relationships, fuels the demand for sex-trafficking, and promotes violence against females. We want to empower you to live healthy and victoriously. SEX ABUSE: There is a strong correlation between having

been sexually abused and being more vulnerable to being sex trafficked. Research has shown that 93% - 98% of sex trafficked victims were previous victims of sex abuse or molestation. The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention findings state that more than 1 in 3 women and nearly 1 in 4 men have experienced sexual violence involving physical

contact at some point in their lives. It is possible that, even though you have not been sexually abused yourself, you may know someone who has been mistreated in this way. You may have wondered how you can help them heal. We are here to empower you. SEX TRAFFICKING: What?! You may think that sex

trafficking is irrelevant to you, that it might happen to other people, but certainly not to you! Hopefully you are correct. But recruiters, who often pose as friends, seduce, trick, manipulate, and deceive teen girls into being trapped. It will benefit you greatly to know their tactics to better protect yourself and other teen girls you know. HEALING: We hope this section will not only encourage you

personally, but also support you as you grow in becoming a safe place for your friends and loved ones in need of help. Get ready to gather golden nuggets of insight, wisdom, and tools that will help you to shine successfully and brilliantly as brave and beautiful you!

“Wisdom is the right use of knowledge.” CHARLES SPURGEON

Pornography Sexual Abuse & Trauma Sex Trafficking

Connecting the Dots… 10

BRAVE & BEAUTIFUL

Hey girl! What does PORN have to do with It?

“The most powerful sex organ is actually your brain. If you are regularly feeding your brain images that are designed to inspire lust, its gong to be difficult to rule your thoughts and keep you from violating your virtues.” -Kris Vallotton

it is grooming young women and girls to be taken advantage of, abused, or even trafficked for sex. And yes, I mean you too.

FREE FROM PORN!

LIVING AN EMPOWERED, HEALTHY SEXUAL LIFE YOU CAN BE PROUD OF By Dean Kaneshiro

Porn is destroying the lives of young women. And the scariest part? No one wants to talk about it. In fact, hardcore pornography itself is not just a fastgrowing addiction for young women today, but it is silently doing something equally destructive all around them as well: it is creating a pornified culture. Pornified culture is a term I first heard from Dr. Gail Dines who uses it to describe how violent, objectifying, women-hating porn is slowly influencing every part of our culture…without us even recognizing it. Think about the posters and ads and magazine covers you see in shops and at the mall. Or YouTube music videos from female pop stars and hip-hop artists. Or the hyper-sexualized selfies on your friends’ Insta or Snapchat. Or the normal, everyday occurrence of sexting a guy you think is cute after he hits you up: “send nudes.” There is a strong cultural pressure on young women and girls to sexualize themselves for the pleasure and acceptance of others. It’s not just limited to porn, as awful and dehumanizing as that is. It is creeping into every aspect of our culture. And here’s where it gets super scary:

BRAVE & BEAUTIFUL

If you can break the lie “this will never happen to me” and awaken to the slimy tricks of how pornified culture is grooming you to be taken advantage of, you can stay free from its toxic influence. And not just that, you’ll be on your way to living an empowered and healthy sexual life you can be proud of. The only question is: are you willing to do the hard work necessary to know the signs, get free…and stay free?

3 KEYS TO BREAKING PORN’S POWER You ready? Here we go…

1. Cut out harmful social media and

pornified media. The majority of young women your age confessed that their #1 struggle on social media is comparing themselves with other girls’ bodies. Am I right? You’re getting pornified. For many of you, it’s time to take the 21-Day Unplugged Challenge. This is when you grab a few friends or family members and together you cut out all social media for 21 days (you may want to include entertainment screens as well, like video games, TV, and streaming movies and sites like YouTube). We do this as a family twice a year and it’s amazing how it detoxes your heart and rewires your mind (…BTW, if you’re thinking right now, “I could never do this!” then chances are you NEED to do this;). Another thing you may need to do is delete social media apps that feed your insecurities, encourage you to compare yourself with others and are filled with pornified culture (and have hooks leading into hardcore porn itself, which every social media app has). Delete them, Dean? Are you crazy? Well, maybe not.

I’ve got one 20-something friend of mine who gave up his iPhone and switched it out for a flip phone for months... hold up, did you catch that? He switched it out for a FLIP PHONE FOR MONTHS until he could detox his mind and flush out his heart. He had to delete certain apps and streaming services because he was losing his soul. In other words, he was truly loving himself. If you know—and you already do as you’re reading this—that there are social media apps, TV shows, or streaming services you’re connected to that are dragging you down a dangerous path, you’ve got to cut that stuff out today. Your life is too valuable. Here’s the trick: don’t play with fire... don’t fool around with your heart. If you truly love and respect yourself, GO BIG and fight for a healthy future.

2. Capture a vision for an awesome sexual relationship in marriage. Did you know that overall married people have the BEST sex? Oh stop it, that’s not how the movies and porn make it look like. Right? Movies, TV shows, and porn always make it seem like hooks-ups are hot but married people are boring and stingy. And yet study after study— including a recent one from Arizona State and Illinois State Universities—reveal that it’s true: in general, married couples have the best, most satisfying sex lives! One reason for that is because sex is not just physical (as our pornified culture makes us believe). It is emotional, spiritual, and engages all of who we are, including the bonding chemicals in our brain that deeply connect us to the person we have sex with. Consider this perspective: when sex happens outside of the life-long promise of a marriage— continuously breaking that powerful brain/body chemical bond—it promotes brokenness, fear, disappointment, and confusion. You are more than your body.

So when you have a vision for something powerful and beautiful, it’s easier to say NO to the things that come your way to destroy it. A YES to the amazing design and security of marriage is a NO to pornography, hook-up life, and pornified culture in all its forms.

self-acceptance. It looks like this: “I am a human; therefore, I have value.” Not like this: “I am sexy, therefore people check me out, therefore I have value.”

3. Build your value and identity in

In fact, for example, a young woman who is looking for affirmation from others is a sitting duck. A girl who is desperate for attention may be tempted to make unhealthy choices regarding her sexuality.

the fact that you are a human who deserves to be loved.

This might be hard for you. In fact, it’s hard for us all. Pornified culture teaches that our value comes from how hot we are... how much others look at us, comment about us, and want to have sex with us. And we can translate that attention into the fact that we now have VALUE. And it feels good. So we pornify ourselves to get more attention. See how the trap works? So we must replace sexual attention from guys or girls with self-love and

In a pornified culture this is hard, daily work that takes place in our minds and hearts. But it’s critical.

And honestly, that’s the core of the majority of toxic issues you’ll ever deal with right there. So do the hard work to build your value and identity in the right thing. To the degree that you have done that is the degree that you’ll be free from pornified culture, sexting, hardcore porn addictions, and hook ups that will poison your soul.

LIVE FOR LOVE Imagine life as an adult—an empowered woman who knows who she is and is free from porn and the trap of

LIVE FOR LOVE THE HUMAN SIDE OF PORN: HEART TO HEARTH By Brittni De La Mora

Brittni De La Mora is one our much-loved Explicit Movement Speaker Team Members. Her beautiful story is an inspiration. Once known as one of the most famous porn stars in the world, she now speaks with her husband Richard through Love Always Ministries. Brittni travels around the world sharing about the love that set her free. I had blonde hair and braces. I was terrified as I spun around the pole at the strip club in Mexico for the first time at the age of 16. “What am I doing? How did I end up here?” I thought. Life had taken a sudden turn, but as I heard the applause of people cheering me on as I took my shirt off, I thought I had finally found what my soul had been hungering for...affirmation. Growing up in my household I never heard the words, “I am proud of you. I love you. You’re doing an amazing job.” I was a straight A-student, I should have heard those words. Instead, I heard, “I hate you! I wish you were never born. You’re a loser.”

living for the pleasure of others. Imagine looking into the eyes of your soon-to-be-partner on your wedding day without the fear of sexual images of yourself floating around out there online (or in revengeful ex-partner’s phones)... and with nothing to hide in darkness or shame. It’s time to fight today for a reality where you deeply know your value and you are free from the slavery and traps set by pornography. THAT is a sexually satisfying vision for your future. Get educated about the harms and pitfalls of porn and how predators manipulate young women to trap them into sex trafficking. Take action in setting yourself free…whatever it takes. You can do it. Your life is worth it. Dean Kaneshiro is the creator of the Family TECH Game Plan Online Course (FamilyTechGamePlan.com) and is a certified Building Family Connections instructor through the Medical Institute for Sexual Health. He teaches on parenting, marriage, dating, and sexuality.

These words broke me of all courage and robbed me of my confidence. I didn’t know who I was nor what I was purposed for on this earth. The day I realized my life had no real meaning was the day my search began. I knew I wanted to find love, but I had no idea what that even looked like, nor where to find it. After jumping from man to man ending in heartbreak after heartbreak, I ended up in the strip club. That night I received so much affirmation, I thought I had finally found my purpose in life. I also thought I had found real true love. Never in my life had I been more affirmed than I was that night in the strip club. The affirmation made me feel like I finally belonged somewhere, I didn’t feel like a reject in the strip club. I felt wanted. At 18-years old, the strip club led me into the adult film industry where I was named one of the world’s hottest porn stars. However, something was still missing. Suddenly, what once fed my hunger now left me hungry. Affirmation was no longer enough to feed my soul. I needed something more, something greater than myself. It was a process and quite a journey, but I left the adult film industry and now have found such great meaning in life through my faith, in being married to my wonderful husband, and being a mother to my children. I finally feel that that empty place in my heart is now full to overflowing!

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BRAVE & BEAUTIFUL

S PA C E TO P RAC T IC E, D RAW, OR JOURNAL :

Pornography Sexual Abuse & Trauma Sex Trafficking

Connecting the Dots… 16

BRAVE & BEAUTIFUL

FACT:

A great percentage of sex trafficked victims in America have a history of childhood sexual abuse, putting them at higher risk.

“The one thing shared by 84 percent of survivors is a history of childhood sexual abuse.” J. RAPHAEL AND K FEIFER

Sexual Abuse

DEAR VICKY…

QUESTIONS FROM A TEENAGER By Vicky Wong

WHAT IS IT? DEAR VICKY, WHAT IS SEXUAL ABUSE?

That is a great question to ask – people may have different beliefs about what it is. Here are some helpful definitions: • It’s any sort of sexual contact, sexual touching or penetration into your private areas that is non-consensual (without permission), unwanted, forced, threatened and against your will. • It’s any sexual contact with someone who is not capable of consent, for example, someone drunk, drugged, has physical limitations or mental health issues. • It’s exposure to offensive remarks, verbal suggestions, or insults about a person's body or sexual activities. • It’s exposure to distressing or unwanted sexual images, pictures or movies. Hope that helps!

WHAT ABOUT PORN? DEAR VICKY, MY UNCLE WOULD ALWAYS WATCH PORNOGRAPHY RIGHT IN FRONT OF ME? IS THAT SEXUAL ABUSE? 18

BRAVE & BEAUTIFUL

Yes, openly watching and exposing explicit, graphic and disturbing pornographic movies with a child or teenager is a form of sexual abuse. These images are distressing and have longterm effects and memories that are traumatizing to talk about and remember.

CHILD ABUSE DEAR VICKY, WHAT IS CHILD SEXUAL ABUSE?

This is also a great question. Note that laws may vary in different nations, but in the USA, sexual abuse is any sexual act with a child under age 18 by an adult or an older child. Older children can sexually abuse younger children which could include younger siblings or younger cousins. There’s a power difference so the adult or older child touches or forces the younger child to do things sexually he/she does not want to do. These include:

• Sexual touching of any part of the body with or without clothes. • Sexual intercourse or penetration into your mouth. • Showing or taking explicit pornographic pictures or graphic images.

CAN CHILDREN ABUSE CHILDREN? DEAR VICKY, CAN SEXUAL ABUSE HAPPEN BETWEEN CHILDREN?

Yes, sexual abuse happens when there is sexual activity without permission as a

result of physical force, manipulation, threats, emotional trickery or teasing to make the other person co-operate. It’s done deliberately to sexually stimulate the other person. In many instances, one child takes advantage of another child’s naiveté, and the victim isn’t really aware of what is happening to them. Yet those acts are highly traumatizing to the child victim.

SOMEONE I KNOW DEAR VICKY, IS SEXUAL ABUSE USUALLY DONE BY STRANGERS OR PEOPLE THAT YOU KNOW?

Children most often are abused by someone they know, and a person they or their parents trusted. This includes family members, family friends, babysitters, neighbors, and acquaintances. Only a small percentage of sexual assaults on children are ever reported to the police. Many victims don’t share their stories until years and decades later.

ABUSE AT WHAT AGE? DEAR VICKY, AT WHAT AGE DO KIDS USUALLY GET SEXUALLY ABUSED? DOES THIS HAPPEN OFTEN?

The most common age of child sexual abuse is between 8-12 years of age. According to the American Association for Marriage and Family Therapy; the Rape, Abuse and Incest National Network; and the WINGS foundation:

• 1 in 4 girls and 1 in 5 boys will be sexually abused by the time they turn 18. • 1 in 6 women and 1 in 33 men will survive a rape or an attempted rape in their lifetime. • Men are more commonly the offenders but approximately 20% of child sexual offenses are committed by women.

WHAT HAPPENS? DEAR VICKY, WHAT DOES SOMEONE WHO’S BEEN SEXUALLY ABUSED GO THROUGH?

A victim of sexual abuse went through a trauma. Imagine being in a severe car accident and being hit by a driver that totaled the car and nearly totaled you. You’re in the hospital fighting to survive. You are needing immediate medical attention and a strong support system to help you restore strength and life inside of you. Just like the car accident, the sexual abuse victim often feels ‘totaled’—emotionally, mentally, and physically. Every day can feel like a battle to survive because you feel you can never tell anybody about it. There is too much fear, shame, guilt, and lies in your head believing the abuse was all your fault or

something you deserved. You can feel like there are no doctors to help, no family members you can turn to, and nobody there for you to talk through your pain. The truth is: you can be healed and restored. It’s a process that takes courage, trust, and finding the right people to help.

Thank you for asking these important questions especially when research has shown that more than 1 in 4 women have been sexually abused in their past. If you haven’t experienced sexual abuse, chances are you know someone who has. The truth is, the vast majority of sex trafficked

victims have experienced sexual abuse in their past, making them extremely vulnerable to being groomed into sex trafficking. I hope this column equipped you with some powerful knowledge and understanding!

Vicky Wong is a licensed Marriage and Family Therapist and Mental Health Counselor. She holds a Master of Science in Counseling Psychology from Chaminade University. Additionally, Vicky is a Licensed Minister with the Assemblies of God denomination. Along with her husband, Rev. Terry Wong, they pastor Calvary Assembly of God in Honolulu, Hawaii.

Blessings!

EXPLORING AND UNDERSTANDING TRAUMA

NAVIGATING THE JOURNEY TOWARDS HEALING By Melody Stone

Trauma is an emotional scar that results in deep pain, shame, or guilt from witnessing or being the victim of violence or a terrible event. A car accident, being bullied, experiencing sexual, verbal or physical abuse, being abandoned or rejected, or the death of a loved one are common experiences that may result in a person being diagnosed with Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. PTSD affects our ability to think rationally, make decisions and process information, trust ourselves or others, heal from painful experiences and function in our daily lives. Imagine walking through a jungle and suddenly encountering a tiger. With your heart racing and adrenaline rushing through your body, a normal survival response would be to run away, attempt to defend yourself by fighting off the tiger, or freeze, maybe playing dead. This fight, flight or freeze response is a survival mechanism operating within the sympathetic nervous system. It is like stepping on a gas pedal of a car to escape a dangerous or frightening situation. The cerebral cortex, the cognitive and reasoning part of your brain, goes off-line when trauma occurs. Then the limbic system releases chemicals triggering shock, confusion, and panic. This overwhelming experience is like throwing a lot of papers into the air on a windy day, and then struggling to collect them. Common responses from trauma include intrusive flashbacks, nightmares, difficulty concentrating or sleeping, disconnecting from reality, becoming over-reactive, or panic attacks. It is important to note that depression, anxiety, and stress also mimic some symptoms of PTSD, however trauma from PTSD affects the body in more intense ways.

Since we cannot think our way out of trauma, we can use techniques that will help our brain go back online. The parasympathetic nervous system functions like brakes on a car helping our body slow down and regain control. • An effective way to calm the nervous system is to breathe deeply and slowly 5-6 times. • You may count things in a room like all the brown books on a shelf or the leaves on a plant. • “Creature comforts” including a warm drink, a snack, or a soft blanket help a person become grounded and safe in the present moment. Another powerful way to stabilize is to imagine making a trip to a real or imagined safe place; a warm sandy beach, grassy meadow or even your bedroom. Close your eyes and take a few minutes to imagine a happy, peaceful place. Notice details about this place like the temperature, colors and sounds in your surroundings. You may notice someone is there with you, like a close family member or close friend. Are they saying or doing anything? Continue observing all these details as though you are in a movie. Then open your eyes and recall what you just experienced including your strongest feelings.

Often people notice they have a sense of deep peace, happiness, and security. As your brain comes back online, your body relaxes, and you can think more clearly. Accessing a safe place can be a useful coping skill, releasing stress when you are anxious or fearful, like before taking a difficult test or going to the dentist. Recovering from trauma often requires professional help from a trained therapist as well as support groups, and friends. Their job is not to “fix” the problem or person by giving advice, minimizing the trauma, making false promises, judging, or enabling the person. The best ways they can be helpful are to listen, be patient, and encouraging. Their love and support can be like a healing salve on a deep wound. Trauma is not something we just “get over.” Be patient with yourself. It often takes months or even years to heal, especially if these events happened repeatedly over a sustained period when we were young. If a primary caregiver was responsible for our abuse, this often impairs our ability to develop healthy, trusting relationships. Choosing to be grateful every day helps us become aware of all the good in our lives. This doesn’t mean of course, that nothing bad is ever going to happen in life. However, developing a thankful attitude releases powerful endorphins (positive brain chemicals).

BRAVE & BEAUTIFUL

Pursue your healing! It is a journey, and it takes courage to push forward. You are an overcomer, brave and beautiful one! Gradually, your hope can be restored as you realize healing is possible. Your story of perseverance may someday help others to heal.

“One day you will tell your story of how you overcame what you went through, and it will be someone else’s survival guide.” UNKNOWN “Trauma creates change you don’t choose. Healing is about creating change you do choose.” MICHELLE ROSENTHAL

“You are stronger than you think. You have gotten through every bad day in your life, and you are undefeated.” UNKNOWN “Instead of saying ‘I’m damaged, I’m broken, I have trust issues.” I say “I’m healing, I’m rediscovering myself, I’m starting over.” HORACIO JONES

STANDING STRONG AGAINST SEXUAL HARASSMENT By Melody Stone

“When we don’t understand what inappropriate sexual behavior is or when we lack the words to describe what we have endured, we become the voiceless. We live in a society focused on sex, and the images we see in media often discredit and objectify women, creating a false standard that is based on judgements and lies. Throughout history, in every culture, women have experienced challenges relating to objectification and inequality. Being objectified means to be treated like an object that can be consumed like a product and used for someone’s gain or pleasure. For this to occur, others embrace false beliefs that devalue another human being...”

UNDERSTAND THESE TERMS: SEXUAL HARASSMENT: “When another person harasses you repeatedly with sexual comments, content, or actions. For example, it may include verbal comments about your body, requests for sexual favors, sexual jokes, or visual flashing, mooning, facial expressions, or electronic sharing (sharing sex-related pictures, videos, posting rumors on social media, requesting naked or inappropriate selfies.) It can also include unwanted physical contact.” COERCION: “When someone threatens, tricks, manipulates or forces you to do something you don’t want to do.”

IF YOU OR SOMEONE YOU KNOW IS EXPERIENCING SEXUAL HARASSMENT 1. Know that it is not your fault! 2. Your voice matters. Don’t keep a secret because of fear of

being judged or threats from others. There are people who can help you if you reach out.” With permission, the above excerpt is from Focus on the Family, Brio Magazine Article: June/July 2018, “Let’s Protect Our Bodies and Our Boundaries,” “It’s Time to Take a Stand Against Sexual Harassment, Assault and Abuse.” (pp 26-29)

If you are involved in an uncomfortable or abusive situation you might say something like, “You are being really inappropriate and rude right now and I won’t be treated disrespectfully. Stop this right now!” Look directly at the person and speak in a calm tone of voice. You want to set firm boundaries in a “matter of fact” way. Removing yourself from the person and situation also sends a clear message that you respect yourself and won’t be mistreated. It is important to remember that we often teach people how to treat us by our words and our actions.

3. You matter. Take the next step. Talk with an adult that you know and trust, such as a parent, teacher, counselor, principal, or medical professional.

4. It can be stopped. Your life is not defined by what has been done to you or by the choices you have made. When you share with a person you trust, this can be the first step to freedom and healing!

As females, we should be courageous and strong, being willing to stand for justice. When we know how to establish and maintain healthy boundaries, it is a sign to others that we value and love ourselves. Sometimes loving and valuing ourselves can be the most difficult thing to do because of our own negative feelings, guilt, shame, what we have been told, and/or how others view us. Our life experiences, society’s views, our own beliefs and past or present choices also impact our perceived value. Sometimes loving and respecting ourselves involves changing our behaviors or choosing to change our faulty beliefs. This could involve walking away from an unhealthy situation, “calling out” or “calling in” other’s behaviors, or breaking up with an abusive, controlling partner. Taking these steps requires courage and strength. Melody Stone M.A.Ed., Counseling, LMHC Certified Trauma trained therapist | Ambassador and professional trainer with Shared Hope International | Founder, “Hawai’i Island Safe Net,” A Christian volunteer network providing support and services for at-risk youth and survivors of human trafficking | Founder, Hawai’i Island Coalition Against Human Trafficking.

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BRAVE & BEAUTIFUL

S PA C E TO P RAC T IC E, D RAW, OR JOURNAL :

STEPPING STONES: THE HEALING PROCESS By Vicky Wong

Here are some helpful steps that open the door to your inner healing journey. They will encourage you if you have been sexually abused. Please know you can restore and rebuild, as what lives inside of you is one of beauty, compassion, courage and joy! If you have not been abused, knowing these steps will help you be a source of wisdom and encouragement for someone who has been abused.

TIME DOESN’T HEAL ALL WOUNDS Recovering from sexual abuse is a process that is different for each person. If you have experienced trauma, you need time to process deep wounds, whether you were touched once or touched repeatedly. Memories and emotions can stay frozen in time. They are released and restored as you become ready to work through them. Those feelings and details can still be as vivid, scary, and disturbing today as they were when the abuse first happened. There’s no timetable for healing. For some, it may take months, a year, or longer to walk through suppressed and distressful memories, and come to a place of self-discovery, identity and truth.

START THE PROCESS WITH YOURSELF AND A PERSON YOU TRUST. I had to find courage and strength within myself to admit that something very wrong happened to me. I had suppressed a lot of my painful memories in my own unhealthy denial. It was time to be honest with myself that a broken little girl lives inside of me who is bound in fear, abandonment, and shame. Yet I knew that little girl deserved to rediscover joy and hope and receive genuine love from others. I knew I needed to find both a close friend and a professional counselor who could walk this journey of restoration with me. I wanted at least one or two persons who could listen with understanding, empathy, love, and compassion. I started talking a little at a time about what happened. Sometimes all I could get out was a few words or a sentence, but my voice was starting to form a story of understanding. I needed to talk, and I wanted to find some answers. I learned that vulnerability to be honest with myself, and to ask for help from others isn’t a sign of weakness but rather a sign of strength in being brave and courageous in my healing journey. It feels so good to be rescued out of these chains to freedom and joy. I am now connected to a healthier part of me willing to let people help me form a new story of hope.

BRAVE & BEAUTIFUL

HEALING HAPPENS IN RELATIONSHIPS It is hard to heal yourself in isolation because healing happens with the support of people, in healthy relationships. Building a support system and being willing to connect with others on a deeper level is crucial. It is not an easy or simple process to find safe people you can trust who exhibit understanding, empathy, and genuine love. Supportive relationships are vital to recovering. Having fun activities and connecting with people is the start towards healing.

FINDING SAFETY AND SUPPORT Everyone needs a place of safety. A safe place is where positive words with sensitivity and understanding can happen. It is a place free from negativity, judgment, condemnation, and accusatory questions and advice. A safe person is someone who can guide you to share openly by listening attentively with encouragement and offering positive words of support. They support you as you are ready to talk openly and allow you to stop when you’re ready to stop.

THE JOURNEY BEGINS… 1. CONNECT: It starts with connecting with one person who

is supportive, empathetic, and calm in listening. A safe person could be a family member, close friend, counselor, teacher, community worker, or a church leader who is available on a regular basis to spend time with you. I went to professional counseling where I started cautiously speaking for the first time with someone who could help me work through my thoughts and feelings from the past. We met weekly, and sometimes twice per week. Once I found my courage and confidence, I started sharing my story as I slowly broadened my circle of support.

2. GROUP SUPPORT: Some schools, churches, community

centers, and hospitals offer reputable inner healing support groups established especially for abuse and trauma recovery. You may find people in those places who are willing to walk alongside your journey of healing and self-disclosure. Hearing other people’s stories who have similar experiences will help you feel connected and loved with people who understand.

RESTORING AND RENEWING VICKY’S STORY By Vicky Wong I grew up in Vancouver, Canada, in a very traditional Chinese family with five siblings. I have three older brothers, and I was the fourth child. Boys are given a greater status and hierarchy in my family, so my brothers were considered more important than me. I was taught as a little girl that my job was to serve my brothers. I was always very afraid of my oldest brother. He was violent, mean, and engaged in ‘dark’ activities. The first abusive incident happened between us when I was around 9 or 10 years old. He came very close to me and started grabbing my body’s private areas on top of my clothes. I felt startled, deeply offended, scared, shocked and ran out of the room. Unfortunately, what I hoped was an isolated incident continued with each time being more violent and with greater physical force in holding me down. Being paranoid was a new normal as I stayed hypervigilant knowing he could be in hiding and suddenly pounce on me at any time. My brother was all about power and control. Fear caused me to be immobile and unable to fight back. I felt like a rag doll being trampled on - helpless, defenseless, powerless, voiceless, filthy and always feeling dirty. I had my dad’s favor and my brother hated me for that, which justified doing bad things to me with no remorse.

I was broken on so many levels. My healing process took courage and determination to get restored. It was a process of accepting the things I cannot change and finding courage to change the things that I can. I had to be brave over and over to discover that I can be on a positive journey and found a rainbow of hope that leads to life and renewal to wash away shame. I now realize what happened to me wasn’t my fault. I am a victim but that doesn’t mean I stand alone and isolated forever. It is a daily journey of finding healthy connections and positive relationships with “safe people I trust” to work through my healing journey. I have worked hard to rescue and restore the broken little girl inside of me. And that little girl now has answers that make sense, a family who loves, and a positive hope for the present. I enjoy the adult Vicky who is finding a greater understanding of my past, and the ability to forgive myself and my brother. There is comfort, hope, forgiveness, joy, and strength being renewed in me now. Though my brother meant me harm, through my suffering, I discovered my greater purpose - to restore lives. I became a mental health, marriage, and family counselor, and now have the privilege to help others find their journey of inner healing, renewal, and hope.

MY STORY: TEARS OF SORROW TO JOY By Karla Takazono

What do you remember when you were seven years old? Was it learning to ride a bike or learning to read? It was different for me. My parents traveled a lot due to their line of work. Whenever my parents would go on trips, they would have me stay at friends’ homes. One night, while my parents were away on one of their trips, my friend’s older sister came into the room when I was alone. She locked the door. Silence filled the room as she began to tell me what she would ‘do to me sexually’ and what ‘I would do to her sexually.’ I was so confused! Fear gripped me as I tried to process what she

was saying. I did what she told me to do. This trauma caused my whole world to change. Shame entered my heart. I began to hide and clothe myself in shame. It wasn’t long before I ran into another situation that reinforced my shame as a teenager. One Friday night, I decided to hang out with a boy that I had started talking to on social media. “I can’t believe he wants to hang out with me,” I thought with excitement. Although something deep down inside told me to run, I stubbornly went. As he reached out to grab my hand, he led me down the beach from the party we were at. He began to kiss me and tell me that I was beautiful. My heart started to race. Suddenly, he began tearing

off my clothes. Everything happened so fast. “Is he doing what I think he’s doing?” I thought as he pushed me down. Forcing himself upon me, I screamed, “No! Please stop!” But he wouldn’t! It was so painful and confusing. I was raped that night. Shame overwhelmed me, and thoughts tormented me, “Was this my fault? Did I deserve this? I feel so disgusted with myself! I am such a wreck!” I felt so alone and powerless. It wasn’t until I finally decided to pursue my healing that hope grew within me. My heart was like a wounded heart covered with band-aids. It had become infected because I didn’t know how to clean it correctly. But healing slowly came and my shattered heart was made whole.

“My heart was like a wounded heart covered with band-aids. It had become infected because I didn’t know how to clean it correctly. But healing came and my heart was restored!”

BRAVE & BEAUTIFUL

No matter how small or huge you believe your mess is, there is hope for healing! Shame can enter your life from a variety of ways. We all can struggle with varying levels of shame from not performing perfectly, from our failures or wrong choices, or from hurtful things said or done to us. We can overcome broken ways of coping and learn healthy ways to thrive in life. I believe there is joy, freedom, and pure love awaiting you! There is forgiveness for yourself and others! You have a voice that deserves to be heard. Beautiful One, do not hide and run from your trauma, as I did for many years, but open your heart today to healing. There are those in your community who are equipped and trained to support you and help you to heal and be restored!

BE A SAFE PLACE

HOW TO SUPPORT A FRIEND OR FAMILY MEMBER WHO HAS BEEN SEXUALLY ABUSED By Chris Yanuaria

HOW TO HELP A SURVIVOR OF SEX ASSAULT

Sex assault can have traumatic long-term effects on an individual. If you have never experienced sexual assault yourself, you may not be able to fully understand what a survivor is going through. You may find it difficult to know what to say or how best to offer support. You cannot take away someone’s traumatic experience but you can play a crucial role in their healing process. If your family or friend shares with you they have been sexually assaulted, here are some tips:

LISTEN

It takes a tremendous amount of courage for a survivor to share their story. It's important to provide a supportive, nonjudgmental environment where they can be heard. If someone has not shared their story with you yet, let them know you are available whenever they are ready to talk. Don’t pressure the person to tell their story or try to change the subject to something lighter. Just listen. If someone opens up to you, they trust you and need someone to talk to. Try using statements like:

fix the situation or give too much advice. Instead, if they choose to seek out medical attention or report it to the police, offer to go with them. You can share suggestions like speaking with a sex assault advocate or a counselor, but let the person make the final decision. Try saying: • “I care about you. Know that I’m here to support you in any way I can.” • “You are not alone in this. How can I help?”

• “Thank you for sharing your story with me.” • “It took a lot of courage to tell me about this.” • “I’m sorry this happened to you.”

BELIEVE AND REASSURE

Sex assault survivors worry no one will believe them-- or worse, fear they will be blamed. Avoid questions that sound like you don’t believe their story. Oftentimes survivors will blame themselves for what happened. Reassure them that they have nothing to be ashamed of. Sexual assault is always the perpetrator's fault and NEVER the survivor's fault. You can say: • “I believe you.” • “This is not your fault.” • “You didn’t do anything to deserve this.”

LET THEM TAKE THE LEAD

It’s normal to want to take charge when someone you care about is hurting; however, with sex assault victims you might want to think again. Sex assault strips away a person’s sense of power and control. Allow your loved one to make their own decisions on the next steps to regain their power. Don’t try to

EDUCATE YOURSELF AND OFFER RESOURCES Learn more about the issue and the struggles survivors go through. Research national and local agencies and share that information with your friend or family member. If a loved one is in immediate danger or has a serious physical injury as a result of a sexual assault, call 9-1-1, and seek medical attention. You can make a big difference by being loving, compassionate, and empathetic!

Chris Yanuaria received his Master’s in social work at the Myron V. Thompson School of Social Work at the University of Hawaii at Manoa. Chris facilitated violence prevention workshops and trainings to students, faculty, and staff at the University of Hawaii at Manoa for many years. He also invested much time in helping to eliminate the issue of human trafficking locally, nationally, and abroad.

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Trace the lettering - it does not have to be perfect! Enjoy the process of creative lettering

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S PA C E TO P RAC T IC E, D RAW, OR JOURNAL :

Pornography Sexual Abuse & Trauma Sex Trafficking

Connecting the Dots… 30

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“Every two minutes, a child is trafficked for the purpose of sexual exploitation in the United States.” - U.S. Dept. of Justice

“Any one of us could fall

victim to sex trafficking.” - FBI Agent

Sex Trafficking

WHAT IS SEX TRAFFICKING? By Shantae Williams, Psy.D.

Sex trafficking, often referred to as modern day slavery or prostitution, is when a person uses force (i.e. beating, kidnapping, etc.), fraud (i.e. posing as a photographer for a modeling agency, etc.), or coercion (i.e. becoming someone’s boyfriend or girlfriend in order to take advantage of them, etc.) to trick someone into engaging in a sexual act in exchange for something of value to that person. For minors (people under the age of 18), sex trafficking is when a sexual act (e.g. sex, stripping, pornography, etc.) is exchanged for something of value (money, drugs, protection, etc.) to that person or a third party; force, fraud, or coercion does not need to be present for minors to be considered a victim of sex trafficking. Most people think sex trafficking is what we see in the movies; a person is kidnapped and taken to another country where they’re drugged, raped and repeatedly sold for sex. Although this does happen, it is very rare; more often a person is “recruited” or tricked into sex trafficking by someone they trust. The majority of sexually trafficked children in the United States are lured into trafficking by a friend who is also being trafficked, their parents (this is called familial trafficking), or a trafficker (pimp). To truly understand how sex trafficking works, and why a minor is considered a victim of sex trafficking even if they say they want to do it, you need to understand risk factors and recruitment tactics of traffickers. Risk factors, are things that are occurring in a person’s life that makes them vulnerable to being sex trafficked. Risk factors of sex trafficking include but are not limited to: being a minor, being female, being lgbtq+, having a history of sexual molestation, having an absent parent, being bullied, having low self-esteem, having mental health issues (depression, anxiety, etc.), having family problems (fighting a lot with your parents, parental divorce, etc.), having access to social media, having an older significant other, wanting to be loved, and the list goes on. Basically, anything that makes you need someone you can trust and depend on in your life, or makes you feel bad about yourself, can make you vulnerable to sex trafficking.

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Sex traffickers are trained to look for people who have experienced these risk factors. Their main goal is to be seen as a trusted person, so they can eventually exploit this trust to manipulate a person into doing things they would normally never do. Some traffickers admit to targeting teens who have stricter or religious parents, because they know they will likely not report the incident to their parent. Most victims report that they would have never imagined becoming a victim of sex trafficking. This is not something people think of doing on their own; someone sees the risk factors and targets them. Most targeting occurs over social media where it’s easy for a person to learn who you are; your likes and dislikes; where you live; where you hang out; who you hang out with; anything they need to know to gain your trust. They then find a way to connect with you. Before you know it, you’re in an intense

relationship you either feel you cannot live without, or are fearful to leave due to physical abuse or blackmail. Many victims feel stuck in sex trafficking because they fear their family and friends finding out, and rejecting or judging them. In most cases this is not true. The best way to avoid or get out of being trafficked is to tell your parents, a trusted adult, or a friend you know. There is also outside support and resources available if you don’t have anyone in your life you can trust. These resources can connect you to people who will help you through the struggles you may be experiencing. The best defense to avoid being trafficked is to make sure you’re not being lured or tricked. Remember, if it feels too good to be true, it usually is! Your body has a way of telling you when something is wrong; it’s called your gut instinct. When your gut tells you something is wrong,

listen to your body; it can save your life. Avoiding getting involved in sex trafficking will save you a lifetime of severe mental health issues. Find resources to help you with any risk factors you struggle with in order to ensure you’re not vulnerable to exploitation.

If you or someone you know is or was involved in sex trafficking, and needs help, know you are not alone and there is help and light at the end of the tunnel! Call the National Human Trafficking Hotline at 1 (888) 373-7888 or text “HELP” or “INFO” to BEFREE (233733) they will connect you with help. You can remain anonymous.

REMEMBER, HELP IS A PHONE CALL AWAY!

Knowledge is powerful if it changes your life for the better.

PROTECT YOURSELF! WAYS RECRUITERS GROOM TEENAGERS WHO COULD BE A RECRUITER?

• Recruiters could be strangers or friends you meet at school, afterschool programs, and other public places. • A recruiter could be a male or female trying to gain your trust. • Be especially cautious of older teens or adults who try to get you to go with them someplace. • Know that a recruiter can ‘groom’ a victim over varied time. Some victims are lured within hours or days, while others are lured over many months by a good friend or boyfriend. STRANGERS: Recruiters can be strangers who are good-looking, charming, friendly, seemingly sincere, smooth talking, people who know how to connect heart to heart with you. These recruiters can approach you at malls, beaches, restaurants—anywhere. They could also falsely pose as modeling scouts, trying to get you to meet up with them to get you into ‘modeling.’ CLASSMATES: Recruiters could also be a classmate or an upper or lower classman at your school. They gain your trust as a friend, so you would never think they had a plan to coerce you. BOYFRIEND: Unfortunately, your new boyfriend or boyfriend of several months who has been a great guy to you could be playing the role to gain your trust so he can later recruit/trap you into sex trafficking. NEW FRIENDS: Sometimes recruiters are new friends you’ve made—he or she could be a new friend that your classmate introduced you to and you have all hung out together so you consider him or her a trustworthy friend. FAMILY MEMBERS: In some cases, sadly, recruiters can be family members or relatives.

WHAT KINDS OF TACTICS DO RECRUITERS USE TO GROOM VICTIMS? • Recruiters exhibit charming behavior. They say words and act in ways that can seem too good to be true. • Recruiters’ words initially make you feel very special and cause you to believe they are there to support you.

RECRUITERS MAY SAY SOMETHING SIMILAR TO THE FOLLOWING LINES TO BUILD TRUST AND FRIENDSHIP TO MANIPULATE YOU: “Tell me everything about you. I want to know everything!” These types of statements try to get you to share deep, dark secrets with them so they can use this information to manipulate and blackmail you in the future. Refrain from disclosing details about yourself and your past with someone you do not know well. Be careful not to reveal too much about yourself too quickly. “I have never met anyone like you. I feel I can trust you with anything. I have told you things I have never told anyone else.” This is a tactic to try to make the victim feel responsible for the mental health and well-being of the trafficker. When the victim tries to leave, the guilt of leaving someone who trusted them with everything prevents them from leaving. Beware when someone starts to use guilt to manipulate you. “You are so beautiful! I love you!” Traffickers often target a person who is overlooked, especially someone wanting love, attention, and affirmation as a result of their family and peer experiences. For example, if two girls are walking down the street, and one of the girls is obviously more physically attractive than the other, the trafficker will approach the less attractive friend, the one who receives less attention from others, and will disregard the more attractive person. If the more attractive friend later tries to intervene when she sees her friend being mistreated or lured into danger, the trafficker probably would accuse the friend of being jealous because she is used to getting more attention due to her looks. Afraid to lose the one person who views her as beautiful, a girl might not heed her friend’s warnings and, as a result, become isolated, vulnerable to being exploited. We all desire affirmation, attention, love, and encouragement. However, though you may appreciate positive words, be cautious around a person who showers you with compliments— you do not know if their motives are for good or to control you.

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“You are too hot to be wearing those shoes! You need to get with me so I can upgrade you!” A comment like this makes victims feel good, and then immediately the trafficker belittles them, making them feel vulnerable. Traffickers and recruiters utilize this tactic to capture a victim’s attention with flattery, but also embarrass them by pointing out their low-quality clothes or accessory. The recruiter gives the victim an opportunity to elevate their status through promises of ‘upgrading,’ buying them new shoes, clothes, designer bags, or other items they want or need. This also increases the victim’s sense of obligation to the recruiter. The person may attempt to establish a sexual relationship with you in return for the gifts and to further bond you to him or her. Avoid a person who desires to ‘upgrade you.’ Many of us like nice material things, but this is often a tactic to trap, deceive, and trick you into being trafficked. Be brave. Decline the offer and walk away from the situation. “You want to make some money? I can show you how you can make a lot of money!” This lures in victims who come from impoverished backgrounds. Victims never make money; they may be given small amounts of money in the beginning to gain trust or earn some wages by being ‘bottoms’ or ‘recruiters,’ but they get nowhere near what their trafficker makes. Money given to victims is often taken back at later time. Do not go for such fast money opportunities! Seek wisdom from wise trusted mentors in your life. “You may as well make money for what someone is taking from you anyway.” Because traffickers often target youth with a history of molestation and sex abuse, they often use this line, which seems to make sense to someone who is actively being victimized at home. You are deserving of respect and honor. Though this line may seem to make sense to you if you have already been sexually active or abused, seek help from trusted mentors. Beware of falling into this trap and do not sell yourself short!

WHAT OTHER SIGNS SHOULD I LOOK FOR TO KNOW IF I AM BEING GROOMED? TRAFFICKERS TRY TO ISOLATE YOU FROM FRIENDS AND FAMILY: A person who often uses shame and control to keep you away from friends and family is a red flag! TRAFFICKERS TRY TO KEEP YOU DEPENDENT ON HIM/HER: A recruiter tries to get you to think he/she is the only one who will take care of you to get you to depend on them. This person may attempt to learn your biggest wants and needs so they can manipulate you slowly into becoming dependent on them as a close friend. They may make promises to you that they will fulfill your dreams.

WHAT SHOULD I DO IF I SENSE SOMETHING ‘DOESN’T SEEM RIGHT’ OR SAFE?

CAN TRAFFICKERS BE AGGRESSIVE TOWARDS POTENTIAL VICTIMS?

• Pay attention to your ‘sensing’ or ‘feeling’ - if you feel something's not ‘quite right’ or is making you feel uncomfortable, fearful, or ‘strange’, pay attention to those ‘red flags’. If you get caught in a conversation with someone suspicious, be strong and assertive by excusing yourself and leaving swiftly as soon as possible! Contact a trusted friend or relative who can help you or come pick you up.

Be vigilant and aware of your surroundings especially when you are walking alone in an area with few people or no one around. Take notice if someone is following you, or a car or van is following you.

• If someone is bothering and/or following you in public by constantly trying to talk with you, get another adult involved. For example, if you are at a mall, go to a store employee or store manager and say something like, “This person keeps following me. Please help me.” • Be aware of abusive or possessive behaviors in people and notice their reaction when you say no to something they want you to do. If they don’t respect your decision, if their response is controlling, rageful, intimidating, manipulative, or just too charming, seek help and safety.

• Kidnapping: Be aware of your surroundings when walking (or jogging) alone on sidewalks and in parking lots. Although rare, there have been cases where traffickers have tried to force someone into their vehicle. • Drugging your drink: Be aware of your drink when out with friends. There have been situations where a trafficker has put drugs, sometimes called “date rape drugs” in the drink of victims so they can be taken. Do not accept a drink from someone else and keep an eye on your drink when you are in a group you don’t know well. Be wise and be aware.

10 TIPS! 1.

Tell a family member where you will be going and when you will return and keep in contact with them when you are out and about with someone you do not know well.

Set up a safety word with your family, so if you say that word, your family member knows you feel you are in danger.

Memorize at least one trusted friend’s or family member’s phone number.

4. BEFORE making any decisions, check with a trusted family member or a wise mentor when offers almost seem too good to be true. 5.

Consider allowing 2-3 people to track your phone via GPS so they know your whereabouts at all times. Some phones allow this. You could allow them to track you varying amounts of times, such as just for an hour, a day or all the time. This type of tracking can be completely under your control.

6. Never get into a car with a stranger and avoid being alone in an isolated place with strangers. 7.

Don’t hesitate to call 911 when you feel you are in danger.

8. When going on a date, especially the first few dates with someone you do not know well, plan to meet up in a public place until you feel comfortable and feel you know them. Even better, suggest an outing with a group. 9. If a new friend or stranger offers to buy you expensive gifts, refrain from receiving such gifts, as this could be a tactic to control you later. 10. Traffickers prey on youth who run away from home. If you are having trouble at home and are tempted to run away—there are other options. Running away will put you at risk of being lured into dangerous situations. Seek help from your school counselor, a trusted mentor or relative.

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YES, IT CAN HAPPEN TO YOU! By Dean Kaneshiro

You could be in danger of falling into the trap of an online predator. And the quickest way to fall into it is believing this lie: that would never happen to me. In fact, it’s happening to young women and girls just like you all over the world. And for many of them, it ends in deep depression, drugs, or even suicide. So I’m thrilled you’re reading this right now! Because the good news is that you can avoid being a victim to an online predator if you get educated on how they work and make wise choices online that will keep you safe and healthy.

BECOMING A VICTIM IS PRETTY SIMPLE…JUST ASK SERENA

When Serena was in eighth grade, she had a crush on a boy (1). He asked for a naked video of herself. In a moment of high emotion, she sent one to him. And that’s when her life changed forever. He asked for more—and flattered by his attention—she sent him more. Kids at school began to look at her strange and she soon realized he had shared the videos with his friends…and someone even posted it on Pornhub! Students began to text her and ask her for naked videos, otherwise they would show the ones they already had to her mom. This began a downward spiral in Serena’s life. She began to skip class, fight with her mother, cut herself, and she even took so many medications she ended up almost killing herself. She eventually left home at 16, became homeless, tried

to hang herself, and then started to sell nude images and videos of herself online to make money after getting deep into drugs and opioids. Listen to how she described how she viewed herself: “I’m not worth anything anymore because everybody has already seen my body.” At 19 years old, Serena was free from drugs and living in her car in California, but still dealing with the trauma and working through the pain. “I was dumb,” she says. “It was one small thing that a teenager does, and it’s crazy how it turns into something so much bigger.” And let what she says next sink in: “A whole life can be changed because of one little mistake.”

HOW YOU’RE BEING SEXUALLY GROOMED RIGHT NOW…AND YOU DON’T EVEN KNOW IT

Even before that first video of Serena ended up on Pornhub (which was viewed over 400,000 times), she was being groomed by porn. More specifically, by a pornified culture. So how does our pornified culture work hand-in-hand with predators to trap young women into their destructive ways? There is a horrifying story about

an imprisoned pedophile, a man who sexually abused his stepdaughter when she was in elementary school. When asked how he prepared her for his abuse, he shrugged and said, “I didn’t have to do much grooming at all. The culture did it for me.” Did you catch that? The culture did it for me. Let that sink in. So what does that mean? It means that as pornography becomes normal for young women your age—in fact, it becomes sex education— then the violent and awful ways women are treated in porn is something girls think is normal and expected of them. And it prepares them to be sexually taken advantage of. When every music video, live performance at the Super Bowl, magazine cover, Insta post, and TikTok dance a girl watches makes her believe her value is connected to how much attention she gets from men in a sexual way, she is being groomed for abuse. This makes young women—just like you—more susceptible to the traps of online sexual predators.

HOW THIS WORKS Here’s what you can do—starting TODAY—to break out of pornified culture and empower yourself so you don’t become a statistic. Get educated about the ways online predators groom young women over social media. Let me break down how online predators hook you in and ruin your life. You’ll recognize some of these tactics from Serena’s story. First, these creepy 60 year-olds create fake online profiles, disguised as cute 17 or 19 year-old young men (and sometimes they are cute 17 or 19 year-old young men). Then they shadow you, carefully watching what you post, monitoring your emotional state, and looking for clues to how you feel about yourself so they can take advantage of you when the time is right. Let’s say you post about having a fight with your mom, or you post about how depressed you feel. This is when they strike. They DM you, flattering you or expressing how they totally understand how you feel. This is how they get their hooks in you.

Their eventual goal is for you to share a sext with them—a nude or semi-nude photo or video of yourself. Once they have this, then they’ve got you. PLEASE READ THIS PART SLOWLY: that sexted photo or video is the key because this is how they control you from that moment on. They threaten to post the photo or send it to your parents if you don’t do whatever they ask of you next, which could be sending more sexts, explicit videos of yourself, interacting sexually with them over FaceTime or a live stream app…or even meeting up with them in person! Now burn this next point in your brain forever, as it is the #1 practical key to staying free from the trap… You ready?

NEVER TAKE SEXUALIZED PHOTOS OR VIDEOS OF YOURSELF.

the pressure from these predators by sending more photos or videos because of their threats. Your parents will help you navigate through it. LISTEN: go straight to your parents or a trusted adult. No matter the consequences, it’s better than what will happen if you let these predators ruin your life. So I hope you’re getting the point here: it is NEVER worth it to take sexualized photos or videos of yourself! Reject pornified culture and be strong. Stop your girlfriends from sexting. Make sure your guy friends don’t joke about it or ask girls for them. No matter how cool they make it look in movies or in TV shows online, it isn’t. It will destroy your life. Just ask Serena. You can read Serena’s full story in the New York Times article, “The Children of Pornhub” by Nicolas Kristof, Dec. 1

NEVER trust your boyfriend, friends, or guys you’ve never met before with photos or videos like this…ever. And if you do make this mistake, tell your parents immediately…no matter how scared you are. NEVER give in to

MORE ONLINE TIPS TO PROTECT YOURSELF By Sarah Siegand

We live in a super-connected world, one where you can form and deepen real friendships through digital communication and sharing experiences in online spaces (which is amazing). But the flip side of that super-connection is the tremendous vulnerability that comes with encountering others online who may not be what they seem. In our line of work, we tell students and parents alike that it’s important to watch out for red flags when interacting with others, and that includes noticing when people online just seem too nice. This could be in the form of comments on a social media post like, “You seem very mature. And beautiful too!” It might come as a direct message (DM) from someone you don’t really know saying, “I heard you had a bad day.” Or even a message from a teacher you know who seems kind of like a friend. As crazy as it sounds, someone who seems helpful, supportive, or kind might actually be out to hurt or exploit you online. All it takes is the opportunity to build

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trust with you and one single solitary moment of vulnerability on your part. A common tactic is soliciting nude or sexy images from you, as the previous article explained. Social media, gaming platforms, YouTube, messaging apps—any form of digital connection can be used to groom a victim. Kristy was an A+ student who played the piano at church and was an all-star softball player. But she started talking to a nice guy on Snapchat who she thought was a teenager with mutual friends in common. One night she snuck out of her home to meet up with him and realized he was actually much older, and he intended to harm her. He abducted her, drove her to another state, dyed her hair blue and sexually abused her on camera for days before the FBI was able to track her down and rescue her. Online predation has exploded over the past few years. According to the National Center for Missing and Exploited Children (NCMEC), their Cyber Tipline received 10.2 million reports of online child exploitation in 2017, and by 2019, that number had grown to 16.9 million. They also report that the average age of an exploited victim online is 15. This shows us two things: that the stereotype of victims being naive children who are easily deceived is inaccurate, and that the sophistication of predators and traffickers is growing to be able to trick teens who often think of themselves as very internet-savvy.

HOW CAN YOU PROTECT YOURSELF FROM ONLINE PREDATORS AND SEX-TRAFFICKERS? DON’T SEND ANY NUDE PHOTOS TO ANYONE!

isolate you. These are all tactics of abuse and victimization.

HERE ARE SOME ADDITIONAL IMPORTANT RULES TO LIVE BY.

Set social media platforms on private and turn off location information. Don’t accept or reply to message requests from strangers, and never message with teachers or coaches on social media platforms. Healthy adults will know this is inappropriate and will reach out for needed communication in ways that offer accountability, such as email or group threads where comments are visible by all. The best bet is to keep your social media and gaming connections to people you actually know as real-life friends.

Do NOT meet up with anyone you met online. Traffickers can easily pose as teenagers by using fake photos of themselves, leading you to believe they are someone you might trust more easily. Meeting up with someone you don’t actually know in real life can put you in an extremely dangerous situation, where your physical safety is in jeopardy. Do not give out personal information. Do not share information like your phone number, address, school, or neighborhood information with anyone you meet online. This could put you and your family in danger. Remember, even a student at a rival school might be looking for anyone who can be manipulated into exploitation. Be careful about using dating apps and messaging apps. The person who is building an online relationship with you could be a sex trafficker. Once a romantic relationship or friendship is established, they can take advantage of the emotional bond you feel, which can be used as a method to control, manipulate, and

Report any grooming or exploitative behavior you come across. Every young person needs to know how to block other users online and report inappropriate behavior in online platforms. In addition, making a report to Cybertipline.org is crucial, as they have access to worldwide databases of criminal activity and are actively looking to catch predators (social media sites have a poor track record of acting on reports made to their platforms, but it’s still important to try nonetheless). Yes, our world can be scary at times, but there is still so much good to be found. Share these tips with a friend and commit to helping each other stay safe online. You don’t have to live in fear, and

walking with others who are aware of the dangers can strengthen your strategy to avoid exploitation and grooming. Together, you and your friends can stay connected online without becoming vulnerable. *Note that not all online predators are sex traffickers. Some predators try to lure victims solely for themselves and are not associated with any sex trafficking rings. Nonetheless, sex traffickers use online platforms such as social media, YouTube, and gaming connections to groom victims.

Sarah Siegand is the co-founder of Parents Who Fight, an online safety organization that educates parents and students about dangers online and how to walk in wisdom and balance with digital communication. Learn more at parentswhofight.com.

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YIKES! IT HAPPENED TO ME! By Raiza Garcia

It was September 3rd, 2020, Labor Day, a day that I planned to relax with friends on the shore of Waikiki Beach in Hawaii. During the confusing COVID-19 pandemic season I was living in, the world continued to shift with shutdowns, restrictions, and school closures. One thing that was certainly not slowing down was the rise of sextrafficking. As a community activist, teacher, and mother, this heinous crime had been one on my heart to fight against for years. Little did I know that on this beautiful day in Hawaii, I would be scouted and pursued by what seemed to be a “recruiter” of some sorts. As I sat on the shoreline with water splashing on my legs, there were very few people in the area. I was in conversation with my friend when I suddenly felt a close presence. I glanced to my right and there was a phone just a few inches away from my face! A long arm attached to a very handsome young man was holding it. I asked him what he needed, thinking to myself, “Why on earth is this phone in my face? And has this young man lost his ability to use words?” “Put it in,” he whispered. “Excuse me?” I replied. I looked closely and saw the phone interface was opened to add a phone number. “Put your phone number in,” he insisted. “You are the most beautiful woman on the beach! Where are you from? Brazil? You have to give me your number so we can chill,” he chimed. “I could be your mother. You are wasting your time.” I kept insisting sternly, yet politely.

“Age is just a number,” he continued.

“I am in a relationship and am not interested,” I spit back. “Oh, but you have never been with a Hawaiian boy, I could show you a good time you would not forget,” he retorted. He was relentless and smooth with one line after another as if trained to persist without exception. I politely attempted to shut this young man down for a few minutes. I didn’t want to cause a scene, but I needed this young man to leave me alone! I countered, “Look I am not interested for many reasons.” I shared that I believed in saving sex till marriage and that I had a strong spiritual faith. All of a sudden, this fast-talking, player hustler transformed before my eyes! He was caught off guard. “I uh, respect that,” he stammered. For the first time, he stood bewildered at a loss for words. Yes. I explained to him that maybe he was caught up in some things he shouldn’t be involved in.

He targeted a woman who knows her value and is also savvy to the ways recruiters of sex-trafficking work to seduce women, teenagers, girls and boys into the horrific, evil world of exploitation. Just because someone is complimenting my outside beauty- I owe them nothing. Not my name, phone number, social media handle. Nothing. Since that encounter, I have reflected back to my youth. The teenage Raiza would have probably given this young man her phone number. I thought of how just one wrong decision, like giving a phone number to someone with evil intentions could have destroyed my life. These thoughts stirred something inside me, reigniting my passion to continue to be a light in this fight against exploitation of youth, empowering girls to know how precious and valuable they are, to understand what a healthy and honorable pursuit looks like, and educating adults in the community about this issue. You deserve honor and respect—not to be objectified or manipulated—but protected and celebrated as a brave and beautiful masterpiece!

As he walked away, I glanced at my friend who is a professional in the fight against sex-trafficking. She said, “And that is how a scout works!” I watched the young man walk straight into the fancy car he rode in. He was certainly not at the beach to hang-out and enjoy the day. Maybe he was the young scout sent out to use his good looks and charm to reach his quota of girls to recruit. Was the driver of the car, who watched him the whole time from afar, the trafficker selecting targets? Maybe it was a strange prank? Who knows? But what I do know is this young man arrived and left in a flash.

WHAT KEEPS A VICTIM TRAPPED? Why don’t victims of sex trafficking just run away? This may seem like the logical thing to do, but it is not easy and is probably an extremely dangerous choice. Victims experience emotional, physical, and psychological abuse, so running away is not as simple a solution as it seems.

ONCE TRAFFICKED, WHAT ARE COMMON THREATS MADE TO KEEP THE VICTIM TRAPPED? Traffickers use fear and control tactics to keep victims trapped and afraid to get help.

“I video-taped you having sex. If you tell anyone, I will show this video to your parents and all your friends and family. I will make it go viral in your school. Such threats cause much fear due to overwhelming shame the victim feels.

“If you tell anyone, I will kill (or harm) your parents (or brothers/sisters/your family)!” This causes great fear because the victim wants to protect their family’s lives. Traffickers may even show the victim a gun or weapon to intimidate them further. Traffickers may threaten to kill the victim herself as well.

WHAT ARE OTHER TACTICS THAT TRAFFICKERS USE TO KEEP VICTIMS TRAPPED? DRUGS & ALCOHOL: Traffickers will often drug victims. Traffickers can make victims addicted to drugs and/or alcohol and therefore, more easily control them. VIOLENCE AND VERBAL ABUSE: Traffickers can use physical and verbal abuse, violence, and even torture, to keep victims controlled. PORNOGRAPHY: Traffickers often make victims watch hard core porn

(which often includes violence towards women) to get them de-sensitized to all kinds of sexual acts and acts that can even cause physical pain. Watching porn helps to normalize what they see and experience. EMOTIONAL BOND: Oftentimes, an emotional bond forms between the victim and abuser where the victim wants to stay in the relationship. Victims may believe their trafficker is the only person who loves them. LEAD VICTIMS TO BELIEVE TRAFFICKING IS THIER ONLY OPTION: NOTE: In some situations, such as poverty, some girls willingly go into sex trafficking as a way of making a living and because they see no other options or job opportunities for themselves.

REQUIREMENT TO REPAY THEIR DEBT: Traffickers can intimidate their victims and require them to repay them BRAVE & BEAUTIFUL

financially for giving them housing and food and other material things they purchased for the victim. ISOLATION: Especially if the victim is taken to a foreign country where they do not speak the language, the victim can feel helpless and even more dependent on their trafficker.

Most victims want to leave the sex trafficking lifestyle but feel trapped and helpless. This is where community members like yourself can make a difference by reporting suspicious activity to your local police or the National Human Trafficking Hotline.

IS MY FRIEND BEING TRAFFICKED? SOME POSSIBLE SIGNS

Listen. The silent cry. Do you hear it? Because sex trafficking has become more and more common on school campuses and in public places, you may have a friend or classmate you suspect may be trapped in trafficking. You are not sure, but maybe you think you might be hearing her silent cries.

BUT WHAT ARE SOME POSSIBLE SIGNS?

HERE ARE SOME POSSIBLE INDICATORS THAT MAY SUGGEST THAT SOMEONE IS A VICTIM:

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Shows an inability to attend school regularly or has many unexplained absences.

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Runs away from home regularly.

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Makes references to travel to other cities frequently.

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Visible bruises from physical trauma

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Is depressed, withdrawn, fearful and/or very anxious.

•

Is often hungry or malnourished or lacking needed medical care.

•

Dresses inappropriately.

•

Displays a sudden change in how they dress, their behavior, their relationships, or material possessions. Oftentimes, victims are coerced by expensive gifts.

•

Has a "boyfriend" or "girlfriend" who is much older.

•

Engages in promiscuous behavior that seems unusual or uncharacteristic from their typical behavior.

•

Makes references to sexual situations or uses sexual vocabulary that previously was not typical in her language or is not typically used by peers your age.

NEXT STEPS: Don’t be a bystander—you can help. Make notes of your concerning observations and report your suspicions to your school counselor. Instead of approaching the

person you suspect might be a victim, seek guidance from your school counselor for any further next steps.

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BRAVE & BEAUTIFUL

S PA C E TO P RAC T IC E, D RAW, OR JOURNAL :

she is Brave & Beautiful you!

Pornography Sex Abuse & Trauma Sex Trafficking

CHOOSE ONE OR MORE OF THE FOLLOWING ACTIONS STEPS: 1. Take inventory of any way that you may be influenced by the ‘pornified culture’ you live in as described in the first article, Free from Porn. • Have you posted things that were motivated by a desire for people to like your body? Or do you look at posts to compare your body to others? Choose to stop looking at and posting posts that promote body comparison. • Do you look at porn regularly or from time to time? Choose to stop and reach out for help if you have difficulty stopping. • If your friends watch porn as a group, choose not to participate and consider sharing with them some harmful effects of porn. 2. If you have ever been sexually abused—even touched inappropriately by an adult, child (sometimes a child is victimized by another child), or teen—have you sought help and healing for that traumatic experience? If not, you can get help by reaching out to a trusted family member or relative, or trusted adult. Review the steps to healing in the article Stepping Stones: The Healing Process and consider walking them through.

3. Review the articles “10 Tips” and “More Online Tips.” Make a copy of the “10 Tips” and memorize them. Consider doing the following actions today or this week: • Set up a safety word that only you and your family knows. • Memorize at least one trusted friend’s or family member’s phone number • For your safety, allow 2-3 people to track your phone so they know where you are. • Set social media settings on private and turn off location information setting. 4. Practice being a safe place for others. Memorize empathetic statements you can say and actions you can do, to be a safe place for someone who shares with you about their trauma. Review the article Be a Safe Place and practice being a safe place for others whenever they share vulnerably about something painful. This article will give you things you can say and do that can bring a level of healing to them.

Start the process by sharing with one trustworthy person. Seek help from professional counseling.

1-888-373-7888 BRAVE & BEAUTIFUL

TOLL-FREE HOTLINE | 24/7 CONFIDENTIAL

Get Help Report Trafficking

Action Steps

YOU GO GIRL! LET’S WALK IT OUT. ••

PART 2

+ Voices of Freedom + Hope Rising

Hope rises.

Let Freedom Ring! There are silent cries…and you are beginning to hear them more and more. Now it is time to raise your voice together with others and declare,

“Let Hope Arise!” In this section: • Ask yourself, “How is my heart being moved?” • Consider ways you can become involved in helping others to be rescued, healed, restored, and protected! Imagine this. As you arise, you just might become that miracle needed in someone’s life. Yes you—a brave and beautiful miracle.

“Hope is the belief that a thriving future is possible, and you have the power to make it so.” CASEY GWINN “Hope is being able to see that there is light despite all of the darkness.” DESMOND TUTU “Once you choose hope, anything is possible.” CHRISTOPHER REEVE

Voices of Freedom 48

BRAVE & BEAUTIFUL

Listen to the voices of survivors and be changed forever.

A LETTER TO YOU FROM THE HEART DEAR SISTERS, I am Kawai. I am a survivor. I would prefer to be called a ’survivor’ rather than ‘victim.’ I was born and raised in Hawaii. Not long ago, I was your typical 15-year-old teen who cared about her looks, popularity, parties, and of course…boys! I was a very insecure teen, worried about my body image and beauty standards. I didn't have much planned for my future. All I wanted to do was party with my friends and live a reckless life. I had always told myself, “You only live once. Make the most of it!”. Due to my behavior and the bad influences that were affecting me at the time, I transferred from a public school to a small private school that I didn’t even know existed. This is when my behavior and thought process started to get out of control! I never believed sex trafficking was real in Hawaii, a place often called ‘paradise.’ I had no clue that I was about to be groomed and sex-trafficked into a dark world. After I moved schools, an extremely popular, older boy soon became interested in me. So many girls wanted him. So of course, I felt on top of the world knowing that I had THAT boy! He was your typical bad boy with tattoos, gold chains, nice clothes, money, always invited to parties, and always had drugs on him. In the beginning of our relationship, it was as if he could never do anything to hurt me. Yes, we had a cupcake stage. I gave him my heart. He knew nearly everything about me. He knew I didn't have a great relationship with my family. He knew I craved attention and affection, which is exactly what I got from him with a little twist no one saw coming. Anything he wanted me to do, I did. “Why”, do you ask? Because of the simple line he often told me, “If you really love me, you would do it.” That simple line became a tool to abuse, manipulate, and control me. After four months in the relationship, he started to show his true colors. He knew I did not have a support system. I believed there was nobody else in my life who would listen to me or understand me. He abused me sexually, physically, emotionally, and mentally. I ended up running away from home on May 26, 2015. While living away from home, I attended a party that was held in Waikiki, a famous tourist area in Hawaii. The party was nothing I was used to. I was surrounded by older men and women who were drugged up and I was vulnerable to be taken advantage of. I stayed for the heck of it and ended up becoming drugged myself!

BRAVE & BEAUTIFUL

I woke up in a dark room. No clothes. No phone. Just a thin blanket that did not cover my whole body. My body was aching, bruised up, and I had a terrible hangover. I had become an object that was worth money. After this incident, I was sold around to multiple men, raped, beaten, and starved. I felt so alone, helpless, worthless, and unloved. Months later I was miraculously found, rescued, and brought home to my family. However, I was not the same person, I was barely identifiable—new hair, 50 pounds lighter, swollen face, and much more. The hardest part about this experience was my healing process. I did not know where to begin. I spent many painful nights crying and asking, “Why me?” My healing process took many tears, trials, tribulations, therapy sessions, and most of all, learning to love myself and know my worth. Learning to love myself was the hardest part. How could I love myself when all I identified myself as were the mentally abusive names I was repeatedly called for the past 6 months? I prayed to forgive myself, forgive my traffickers, and to move on. I wrote every day in a journal about how I was feeling. I now look back on that journal and smile. Yes, smile. I smile because the teenage girl I was when I wrote in my journal is now someone who is able to walk in public by herself without going into a panic attack. I am a young woman now—a woman who has been through trauma, survived, and recovered. I know I am not an object for a man to buy for $500. I know I should not let myself be vulnerable to men just because I’ll get ‘attention’ out of it. I am a woman of immense value, as each of you are!

I speak to you from my heart. I hope my story will give you wisdom and inner strength to protect yourself from danger and give you the encouragement and inspiration to know that you have incredible value and purpose! I learned that when you fall, you get up. You try again. You forgive. You discover the beauty you have to give to this world and give it!

free

FINALLY FREE

A STORY FROM A SURVIVOR SUBMITTED BY ZOE INTERNATIONAL BASED IN THAILAND One New Year's holiday, I went to stay at my aunt’s house. While I was there, my aunt asked me if I wanted a job working at a restaurant in the big city. I thought it sounded like a good idea and would be a way to earn money and help my grandmother, who I lived with. I took the bus as my aunt had directed and, after many hours of traveling, I arrived at the restaurant. The city was very busy and different from what I was used to. When I got inside the restaurant, a few other girls were also waiting to hear about the job. That night a man met us at the restaurant to explain. He told us that our job was not serving food—but that we would be giving sexual services to men. I didn’t know what to do. I had no idea how this promise of a “good” job had turned out like this. I didn’t even know where I was, or how I could escape to find my way back to my grandma’s house. Had my aunt known about this all along? I felt confused, alone, and uncertain about what to do next.

One night, the owner was very nervous and told us to stay out of sight. We did not know why, but we heard shouting and the sound of police sirens. We were crouching down in a laneway just outside the back of the club when some of the other girls took a risk and ran away down the street into the night. I was too scared to run and remained hidden, my heart pounding. All I remember next was that a bright light was shining on me and suddenly I was pulled up out of my hiding place. I felt confused at first, but the reassuring voices of the rescue team were telling me that I was safe. The ZOE Child Rescue team alongside local police successfully rescued Mina and some of the other girls that night and brought them to a safe house. The owner of the bar was successfully prosecuted. ZOE was able to reunite Mina with her grandmother. Mina is now safe and working a job that she loves. Mina thanks ZOE, for giving her “new life…life to the fullest” which is what ZOE means in Greek.

I felt scared. I was trapped. Unable to escape, I was taken to another location where we started “work” the next night around 9pm and didn’t finish until 5am. Night after night, once the clients had all left, we girls would collapse exhausted and sleep upstairs above the club until it would all start again the next night. The owner forced us to work every day.

BRAVE & BEAUTIFUL

*Based on real life events. In an effort to protect her identity, her name and the details of this case may have been slightly changed.

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Hope Rising 54

BRAVE & BEAUTIFUL

A generation is arising that stands strong against this injustice.

There is Hope Rising. Many people around the world are being moved to take action and do their part! Organizations are rising up in communities and nations that are committed to heal and restore victims of sex-trafficking. It starts with you. And it starts with me. Let us connect with this cause and be fueled by passion to help bring transformation and freedom. The journey to making a difference involves sacrifice, years of perseverance through hardship, and keeping the vision alive in your heart when you sometimes feel so alone! But dreams do come true that change history.

let’s dream and discover what is possible.

“SHE NEEDED TO BE ABLE TO SEE HER LIFE IN THE FUTURE AS DIFFERENT THAN IT WAS IN THE PRESENT. SHE NEEDED TO BELIEVE THAT HER DREAMS COULD COME TRUE.”

- CASEY GWINN, HOPE RISING: HOW THE SCIENCE OF HOPE CAN CHANGE YOUR LIFE

BRAVE & BEAUTIFUL

D O O D L E S O MET H ING T H AT ILL UST RAT ES H OP E:

The Global Crisis. HEARTS ARE BEING STIRRED TO ACTION

The sex trafficking of women and children has been going on for thousands of years. With the growth of online access to pornography, the demand for buying sex has soared around the world. Like the illegal drug industry, enormous amounts of money are being made by sex traffickers who are also involved with organized crime organizations and gang activity. Industry recruiters can be school classmates, boyfriends, or people considered online friends. In some cases, traffickers can even be family members. BE INSPIRED WITH HOPE. We share these stories to inspire and bring you hope that organizations around the world are helping to recover, heal, and restore victims of sex trafficking.

BRING AWARENESS TO OTHERS AND BE PART OF THE SOLUTION. Share with others what you have learned about this issue and think of creative ideas to become part of the solution.

JOIN US. Is your heart being stirred? You can join in the fight by partnering with Explicit Movement as we connect with various organizations and ministries locally in Hawaii and globally. Together let’s make a difference!

Explicit Movement is honored to partner with Zoe International and other organizations in their fight to end human trafficking. Together, we seek to bring healing and restoration to survivors of sexual exploitation.

BRAVE & BEAUTIFUL

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D O O D L E S O MET H ING T H AT ILL UST RAT ES F REED OM:

BECOME A

FREEDOM FIGHTER

For to be free is not merely to cast off one's chains, but to live in a way that respects and enhances the freedom of others. NELSON MANDELA

BRAVE & BEAUTIFUL

HAVE ALL OUR THE RISING WHERE SISTERS GONE? OF THE SISTERHOOD By Michele Okimura

Some of us have our gal pals we love and treasure who • have our back, • support us through thick and thin, • we can trust with our heart, • shoot straight with us when we need some feedback, • keep it all in confidence when we ‘blah’ out our rawest feelings, • point us in the right direction when the rubber meets the road. • will think the best of us before assuming the worst. • appreciate us just as we are. Yet some of us have an unmet desire to have that kind of sister friend—maybe you once had a friend like that, but lost that friendship through varying circumstances, or maybe you never experienced that type of sister bond with a friend. Finding those girlfriends, those girlfriends who ‘get us’ and we ‘get them,’ can be a process and can take patience. AND...while in middle or high school, it is a fact that we can go through the heartache and the stress of various social dramas that can be discouraging, frustrating, even painful at times... leaving us feeling lonely, alone, and maybe even feeling misunderstood. My hope for you is that you will be blessed with at least one close friend. We all need safe places, a harbor for our hearts in a trusted friend. We need mutual friendships where we can be there for our friends in the same wonderful ways they are there for us. Some of us may not relate at all to the concept of being part of a ‘sisterhood’, but I like to think of ourselves as a sisterhood of sorts symbolically.

62 BRAVE & BEAUTIFUL BRAVE & BEAUTIFUL

When I hear of sex trafficking and how there are over a million (some say millions) ‘missing’ girls and women on the planet who are most likely missing due to the horrors of trafficking and slavery, my heart breaks. Many cultures around the world throughout centuries to the present day have tended to silence, demean, degrade, use, and abuse women. Though it is true that boys and young men also fall victim to sex trafficking— the majority of victims are female. Because I am a woman, I feel a special empathy for my missing ‘sisters’ in the human race. We can be mighty warriors and freedom fighters in our own unique way! We can support and fight for honorable causes. We can unite heart to heart and arm in arm. Life is not about a competition, so let’s refrain from competing to ‘one up’ each other. Instead of comparing ourselves to each other, let us learn to celebrate one another more and more! As we stand alongside brave and beautiful women of all ages who want to make a positive difference, know that: • we are nurturers and we are leaders. • we are gentle and we are fierce. • we are compassionate and we stand strong for justice. • we are healers and we are protectors. We are friends, daughters, mothers, and sisters. Will you consider ways you can help bring shining justice, mercy, and restoration to the world? We can do this together. Let us cultivate sisterhood and build healthy and life-giving community with others.

LET THE SISTERHOOD ARISE!

IF EVER THERE COMES A TIME WHEN THE WOMEN OF THE WORLD COME TOGETHER PURELY AND SIMPLY FOR THE BENEFIT OF MANKIND, IT WILL BE A FORCE SUCH AS THE WORLD HAS NEVER KNOWN.” MATTHEW ARNOLD, NINETEENTH-CENTURY BRITISH POET AND PHILOSOPHER

LOVELY ONE, IF YOU DARE TO DREAM, YOU MUST BE BRAVE ENOUGH TO FIGHT.” LISA BEVERE

ONE WOMAN IS A TINY DIVINE SPARK IN A TIMELESS SISTERHOOD TAPESTRY COLLECTIVE; ALL OF US ARE WILD WOMEN.” JAN PORTER

PARTICIPATING IN A SISTERHOOD WITH OTHER WOMEN IS HUGELY IMPORTANT IN MY LIFE AND A SOURCE OF JOY.” CHRISTY TURLINGTON

WOMEN ARE GOING TO FORM A CHAIN, A GREAT SISTERHOOD THAN THE WORLD HAS EVER KNOWN.” NELLIE MCCLUNG

THE RISING

OF THE

SISTERHOOD

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BRAVE & BEAUTIFUL

Action Steps

YOU GO GIRL! LET’S WALK IT OUT.

she is Brave & Beautiful you!

••

Voices of Freedom Hope Rising

CHOOSE ONE OR MORE OF THE FOLLOWING ACTIONS STEPS: 1. Throw a movie night or a viewing party where you invite friends to watch a movie or video(s) about sex-trafficking so they can gain awareness and prevention tips. After viewing, have a short discussion about their take-aways. 2. Form a book club and go through Brave & Beautiful with a group of friends and discuss your take-aways after each chapter! 3. Use your social media to help educate people about the issue—share posts about facts and ways to prevent sex trafficking. 4. Raise Funds for an Anti-Sex Trafficking Organization. Be creative!

5. Creatively express the importance of sex trafficking awareness and prevention through the arts then share your work with others: • Write a poem.

• Write a skit about the issue.

• Write a song. • Make a creative film to educate others and to help prevent sex-trafficking.

• Paint or create graphics to further the anti-sex trafficking cause.

6. Look for ways to support anti-sex trafficking organizations who do good work.

• Collect loose change: You can do your own fundraiser by collecting loose change from people you know and donate the proceeds to a credible local anti-sex trafficking organization or ministry you know of. • Give up your birthday presents: You can throw yourself a birthday party but tell guests instead of buying you a gift, they can donate money towards your fundraiser to support an anti-sex trafficking organization of your choice.

1-888-373-7888

TOLL-FREE HOTLINE | 24/7 CONFIDENTIAL

Get Help Report Trafficking

Listen to the silent cries and speak up for those who cannot speak for themselves. Ensure justice for those being oppressed. Yes, speak up for the helpless ones, and see that they get justice.

hey, Brave & Beautiful you,

Make the world a better place.

NO ONE CAN DO EVERYTHING BUT EVERYONE CAN DO SOMETHING. - MAX LUCADO

be the change. BraveAndBeautiful.world

PORNOGRAPHY

JOURNEY 04 • PAGE 10~15

DISCUSSION QUESTIONS

•

In this chapter, which of the articles stood out to you the most and why? What was a take-away?

•

What were your thoughts about the topic of pornography before reading this chapter? Did your viewpoint change in any respect, or did the articles just reinforce what you already knew? If so, how did it change?

•

What is something new you learned about pornography?

•

What was your takeaway from Brittni’s article, “The Human Side of Porn, Heart to Heart”?

•

There is a saying, “Porn kills love,” that ‘Fight the New Drug’ organization has used since they began. In what ways do you think porn kills love?

•

It is a fact that exposure to porn, especially as a child or young teen, can cause a pornography addiction even in girls. There is a growing number of girls and women struggling with a pornography addiction. Without naming names, what is your observation of teen girls watching porn in your school or among your network of people you know? Why do you think that is?

•

What factors in society and culture do you think contribute to the pornography epidemic?

•

There is a great amount of violence towards females displayed in pornography. When boys and men view this, many falsely believe that women like to be physically hurt. Pornography can cause the viewer to become more violent. What are your thoughts about this issue?

•

Dating someone who watches porn: Research has shown that watching porn has a negative effect on relationships and is a leading cause for divorce among married couples. When a relationship you are having with your boyfriend or future boyfriend becomes a serious, committed relationship, what are some helpful questions you can ask regarding pornography to keep your relationship healthy, honest, open, and thriving?

•

It is good to have a plan to keep each other accountable on vital matters. Don’t be afraid to talk about this! How can you be sensitive, non-judgmental, yet pro-active?

•

Do you have any questions about pornography? Any comments or thoughts? As a parent or leader, share that you may not have all the answers, but together, answers can be discovered!

ACTIVITIES

BRAIN FACTS! Materials Needed: • smartphone or laptop, internet access to gather information on the negative effects of pornography on the brain and/or relationships. • paper for notes, or laptop for recording facts on a document.

BRAVE & BEAUTIFUL

Instructions: 1.

Have the participants do research on the negative effects of pornography on the brain and/ or relationships. They can read articles and research studies to gather interesting and helpful information. You can decide to have participants work in pairs or individually. *ANOTHER OPTION: You can have the participants visit: https://fightthenewdrug.org and research articles on their site.

You can give them 15-30 minutes to gather the information.

In a small group (or as a mentor/teen girl pair) have a time of sharing their findings and facts.

Discuss what was highlighted to them when learning about the negative consequences of watching pornography.

PORN VS LOVE Materials Needed: • Preview the video on: https://fightthenewdrug.org under videos entitled “Brain Heart World.” As a leader, use your judgment to watch the video together with the teen girls. This would be suitable for many teen girls to watch.

Instructions: 1.

Ask, “Why do you think it is important to be mindful of what we are fixing our eyes on? And fixing our mind on?”

Share an example of how what we ‘feed’ our eyes can influence our minds and our choices.

If you went ahead and watched the video Brain Heart World together, discuss your take-aways.

NOTES

SEXUAL ABUSE & TRAUMA JOURNEY 04 • PAGE 16~29

BEFORE DISCUSSING, PLEASE READ THIS IMPORTANT NOTICE! Please check your state laws to see if you are a mandated reporter of sex abuse. If you are a mandated reporter, then if a minor shares with you that they were or are being sexually abused, you are mandated to report this to government authorities. If you are NOT a family member or relative of the teen girl or girls in your 1:1 mentorship or small group, please mention this BEFORE your discussion: If any of the girls have been sexually abused in their past (even if they were inappropriately touched) or are currently being abused, then please instruct them to NOT share about this in the group. This is private information that you would not want the girls in your small group to have to navigate through. You want to handle such a sensitive situation in the best way. Instead, encourage them to tell a trusted family member, relative, or adult to get help. If you are in a 1:1 mentorship and the teen girl wants to share with you as a trusted adult or family member, then respond compassionately and be prepared to help. Due to the sensitivity of this issue, we did not provide any additional activities, as this topic lends itself more to a meaningful, helpful dialogue.

DISCUSSION QUESTIONS •

In this chapter, which article stood out to you the most and why? What was your take-away?

•

What are new facts you learned about sexual abuse?

•

Remind the girls that sexual abuse and trauma can range from being inappropriately touched to more aggressive situations. Nevertheless, such incidences can affect a person in various ways.

•

What are some practical things you can do to help safeguard yourself from being in such a potentially dangerous circumstance? (Discuss various situations such as going into an elevator alone with a man, walking alone in a parking lot, or being in a crowded bus, etc.)

•

Reflecting on the article on sexual harassment on page 21, what are some practical ways to stand up for yourself should a classmate or someone in authority harass you? It is good to address inappropriate actions as soon as they happen, rather than letting bad behavior go on and on—it helps to have a plan. What are some words you can say or actions you can take in the following situations: (discuss possible ideas such as walking away, or assertively saying, “Please stop!”) - A guy teases you or someone else about a private body part. - A guy snaps your bra strap with his fingers. - You are in a store and as a person walks behind you he/she inappropriately touches you. - Someone starts to tell you crude, sexual jokes.

BRAVE & BEAUTIFUL

•

If the discussion is open and flowing well, as a leader, you may consider sharing any personal experiences you have had regarding sexual harassment, and ask the group: - What are some other sticky situations that you have experienced or observed where inappropriate actions took place or inappropriate words were said? - Going forward, should that happen again to you, what could you do to walk in your power to help put a stop to the harassment?

•

If you are with older teens, use your judgment to briefly share a hope-filled, inspirational testimony of healing from the shame and pain of sexual abuse if you have one—either from your life, someone famous who shared their story publicly, or a person you know of without sharing their name. After sharing, ask: - What are your thoughts or take aways from what I just shared? - Do any of you have a hope-filled story of someone who was sexually abused and who got healing— and maybe is speaking out to help others?

•

Do you have any questions about sexual abuse? Any comments or thoughts? As a parent or leader, share that you may not have all the answers, but together, answers can be discovered!

NOTES

SEX TRAFFICKING

JOURNEY 04 • PAGE 30~47

DISCUSSION QUESTIONS •

In this chapter, which article stood out to you the most and why? What was your take-away?

•

What are some new things you learned about sex trafficking that you didn’t know before?

•

On pages 37-39, there are two articles about online protection. Which tip or tips especially stood out to you that you want to apply to your lifestyle right away?

•

Referring to the article, “Yikes! It Happened to Me!” ask: - In what way did Raiza handle the situation in a wise way? - Could she have done something differently? If so, what is another way she could have handled the situation? - What would you do if someone approached you and kept complimenting you? - What would you do if someone followed you around trying to get you to come with them or get your phone number?

•

Sex trafficking happens in many, if not all communities at some level. However, many people are unaware that it is happening around them. In your school or community, how prevalent do you think sex trafficking is? Share any experiences or something you observed that looked suspicious. *Remind the participants that throughout Brave & Beautiful, the sex-trafficking hotline is handy for them to call should they need help or someone they know want help.

•

Ask the group if they have any questions or comments about sex trafficking.

ACTIVITY AWARENESS ART Materials Needed: • index cards • three mini posters with the words FORCE, COERCION, and FRAUD written on them. • drawing paper or canvas for each participant, or poster paper if you want the group to work in pairs. • colored pencils, markers, or paint (for painting on canvases) Instructions:

Have the girls write a definition of sex trafficking in their own words on their index card.

Ask for volunteers to share their definition.

Review the definition of sex trafficking in the first paragraph in the article, “What Is Sex Trafficking?”

BRAVE & BEAUTIFUL

Discuss what they think the definition of the words force, coercion, and fraud are. Then share these simple working definitions: - Force: when violence is used to control someone - Coercion: when threats and manipulation are used to control someone - Fraud: when lies and deceit are used to control someone

Share and discuss: When you think about the subject of slavery, which usually involves putting a price on someone’s life, treating a person as property or an object to be used, what thoughts and feelings come up for you?

Share the following statistics: - There are millions of modern-day slaves in existence today. - Thousands of people get trafficked every year. - The United Nations Children’s Fund (UNICEF) reported that they estimate over one million children and teens enter the sex trade every year. - The National Center for Homeless Education found that approximately 1 in 3 runaway teens will be approached by a sex-trafficker within 48 hours of being on the street.

Give each participant a drawing paper or a canvas. Using colored pencils, markers, or paints, have them create an image that expresses anything they want to express about this issue of sex trafficking.

The following are just some ideas to encourage the girls to be creative! There is no right or wrong way! *Another option is to work in pairs, creating their message on poster paper. - It could symbolize the pain of victims. - It could communicate a message against sex-trafficking. - It could illustrate an awareness message. - It could express their feelings.

After the artwork is done, have a time when each participant shares their artwork. Encourage each participant to make positive observations about each piece and share what it communicates to them personally.

NOTES

VOICES OF FREEDOM JOURNEY 04 • PAGE 48~53

DISCUSSION QUESTIONS •

Which of the two testimonies by the survivors touched your heart the most? Why?

•

Know that it took courage for these survivors to share their personal stories with you. If these survivors were sitting in front of you right now, what questions would you ask them? What would you want to tell them?

•

Think of each of these testimonies as letters from an older sister to you, a younger sister. What is something you learned from these real-life stories?

•

Did your perspective about sex trafficking or victims of sex trafficking change? If so, what new perspective did you gain?

•

A person’s story is precious and powerful. When we take time to reflect on a person’s story, gems of wisdom and insight can be imparted to us. What is a lesson learned or insight you gained that you want to apply to your life going forward?

ACTIVITY FREEDOM FIGHTERS

Materials Needed: • lined paper • pens • printed photos from the internet depicting or expressing ‘freedom’ (for example, a bird flying, a horse running free, a wide-open field, etc.) • (optional) drawing paper and colored pencils or markers

Instructions:

Discuss together the concept and feeling of ‘freedom.’

Share your pictures depicting the feeling of ‘freedom.’

Share that in this chapter, the voices of survivors were voices of freedom. They were once slaves and captives, and now they are free. Their voices are now being heard all over the world through Brave & Beautiful.

Explain that you will have them do a simple creative project—a simple poem. They are to begin each line with the words, ‘Freedom is...” They can use symbolism and their imagination to express the concept of freedom through writing. Their poem can be literal or imaginative to express what freedom is. Statements can be humorous or serious.

BRAVE & BEAUTIFUL

You can read the following examples: - Freedom is a green sprout breaking free, rising from darkness to light. - Freedom is the sound of drumming gone wild. - Freedom is a butterfly somersaulting from flower to flower. - Freedom is a cloud laughing in the sky. - Freedom is a loud scream bouncing from mountaintop to mountaintop. - Freedom is a stampede of buffalo pounding new land. - Freedom is the whisper of the wind tickling my face. *As a leader, you could decide to give the participants a 2nd option to simply write a free poem to express their thoughts.

Encourage the Freedom Writers that there is no right or wrong way to express the concept of freedom.

You can give them 10-15 minutes to write.

If time permits, as an option, they can illustrate a favorite line from their poem.

After everyone is finished, have a time of sharing their poems. Applaud and celebrate each person’s poetry!

NOTES

HOPE RISING

JOURNEY 04 • PAGE 54~65

DISCUSSION QUESTIONS •

As we learn more about this heavy subject of sex trafficking, it can be easy to lose hope for change. Yet, why do you think having hope is important?

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Do you have hope that sex trafficking can and will decrease in the world around us? Why or why not?

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What spoke to you in the “Rising of the Sisterhood” article?

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Did you gain any new perspectives about the power you have as a rising young woman?

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There was a quote mentioned by Matthew Arnold: “IF EVER THERE COMES A TIME WHEN THE WOMEN OF THE WORLD COME TOGETHER PURELY AND SIMPLY FOR THE BENEFIT OF MANKIND, IT WILL BE A FORCE SUCH AS THE WORLD HAS NEVER KNOWN.” Do you think this is true? Why or why not?

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You can be the change. Together we can be the change. Everybody can have a part in being part of the solution. What is a way you can empower others to: - grow in confidence? - know their identity? - grow in wisdom? - protect themselves from being sex-trafficked? (themes of this journey)

ACTIVITIES

BRAVE & BEAUTIFUL THEMED CELEBRATION

Whenever we hit a milestone, it is time to celebrate! Completing the Brave & Beautiful 4-part journey is a great accomplishment! If you are a mother-daughter, or mentor-teen girl pair who went through Brave & Beautiful together, planning a special meal at a restaurant can be a special time to share together as brave and beautiful women.

BRAVE & BEAUTIFUL

If you led a small group of girls through Brave & Beautiful, you can plan a meal at a restaurant or a special party hosted in a home. You may use this opportunity to delegate certain preparations to the girls so they can practice leading and planning! Using the Brave and Beautiful theme, you can create fun favors and décor. The following is a list of optional activities you can do in parent-daughter/leader-teen girl pairs, or with a group of teen girls. Please use these ideas as springboards to create new activities as you are inspired: •

Times of Affirmation: Have each person have an opportunity to be in the ‘hot seat’ where everyone else share ways they each see that person as brave (or if in a pair, take turns being in the ‘hot seat’). Then they are to share what are a few beautiful qualities they appreciate about the person.

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Testimonies: Have each person share one or two ways they were changed by the Brave & Beautiful Journey. How did they grow?

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Self-Awareness: Have each person share one thing they learned about themselves. In what way(s) do they see themselves differently in a more positive way?

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Connecting Dots Reflections: Have each person share one big take away after reading the articles about pornography, sex abuse, and sex trafficking.

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Rising of the Sisterhood: What is one way you would like to make a positive difference regarding the issue of sex trafficking?

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Craft: Do a simple craft to create something beautiful as a memento of the occasion.

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Flower Arrangement Activity: Knowing each type of flower is unique, like how each teen girl is unique, purchase a variety of flowers from a wholesaler. Purchase inexpensive vases from a craft store. Have the girls create their own flower arrangement. When done, celebrate each person’s beautiful creation!

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A Gift: As a parent or leader, you may want to give your daughter or each teen girl participant a memento from you. For example, it could be a book, a piece of jewelry, or a journal. Attach a special meaning to your gift and express your message when you give your gift.

WORTHY CAUSES

Materials Needed: • smart phone or laptop to do research on the internet • chart paper and markers for each pair or group of three • chart paper on wall

Instructions: •

Discuss how many people in your community and globally are making a difference in the anti sex trafficking movement.

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Pair up the girls or form groups of 3 and give each group a chart paper and marker.

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Instruct each group to research anti sex trafficking organizations on the internet and find one or a couple of organizations (depending on how much time you allot) that are doing good work.

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Once they decide on which organization they will be reporting on, they are to write the name of their organization of choice on the chart paper on the wall. Explain that you want each pair or group to

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do a different organization, so if someone already wrote their choice on the chart paper, they simply choose another organization.

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ANOTHER OPTION: Prior to the meeting, as a leader, come up with a list of organizations and have the groups pick one of them to research.

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Instruct the groups to research the organization and on their chart paper, write: - the name of the organization - mission or vision statement - a brief summary describing the work they do

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Have a large group time of sharing about the various organizations.

BE THE CHANGE

Materials Needed: • Make copies of the article entitled, “Ho‘ōla Nā Pua Means ‘New Life for Our Children,” or read the article aloud. (see next page for article)

Instructions:

Introduce this time by discussing the power of hope, and what can happen when people lose hope and become hopeless.

Discuss how hope can spur us on to dream big and be a catalyst for positive change and solutions!

Have the group read the article silently or read the article aloud to the group.

Discuss how great solutions often start with a dream and a vision that someone has. One person can make a difference! Extra-ordinary things can happen when we collaborate with others. Have everyone share something that stood out to them in the article.

Discuss and brainstorm simple ways that the group can help support a local anti-sex-trafficking ministry or organization who is doing good work, ideally in your own community. It could be an organization that heals and restores girls or functions as a safehouse. It could also be a ministry that works with at-risk girls.

Contact the organization to inquire about any needs they may have that your group can meet—for example, maybe they need donations for personal hygiene items or little gifts of encouragement. This is an opportunity to be creative and be generous! It can be a one-time gift or it may turn into ongoing support.

Decide how the group can support the organization chosen.

BRAVE & BEAUTIFUL

ARTICLE There is hope rising. Many people around the world are being moved to take action and be the change! Here is just one of those stories of how great work can start with just one person’s dream. The journey to making a difference involves sacrifice, tears of perseverance through hardship, and keeping the vision alive in your heart when you sometimes feel so alone! But dreams do come true. May the following story inspire you that you can make a difference too!

HO‘ŌLA NĀ PUA ~ NEW LIFE FOR OUR CHILDREN OUR STORY

The vision of Ho‘ōla Nā Pua began over a decade ago, when Jessica Muñoz was working as a Nurse Practitioner in the emergency room and began to notice signs of physical and psychological abuse being endured by sexually exploited children in Hawai‘i. Given the hidden nature of child sex trafficking, the true abuse was often misidentified and left untreated, despite it being the most horrific crime against children. In simple terms: she became aware of a sex trafficking crisis in Hawai‘i, with no sustainable solution for intervention. On her drive home from a long shift in the Emergency Room, President and Founder Jessica Muñoz looked over at Mt. Ka‘ala as the sun was setting. The clouds parted and beams of light began to shine through the sky illuminating the dark peaks of the valleys below. At that moment, her vision for Ho‘ōla Nā Pua became clear: we must shine the light into the darkness of sex trafficking and watch new life for our children come forth. When victimization goes unrecognized, its population often falls through the cracks of a social system where neither justice nor adequate care is guaranteed, resulting in trafficked youth that become revictimized with little hope for healing. Exploited youth were not being told that they matter; that it was not their fault they were victimized; that they have a right to a life free from violence; that someone will continue to walk a path toward healing with them. Exploited youth need immediate intervention and complex treatment for healing that is specialized to their age, gender, and trauma. It became clear that more needed to be done and Jessica became devoted to “shining the light.”

Ho‘ōla Nā Pua began one conversation at a time. These conversations with stakeholders and community leaders in both the public and private sector were unpopular and at times uncomfortable; however, each conversation planted a seed of hope, developed relationships, and began a transformational growth in the community. Pursuing a systemic change (through a multifaceted community collaboration) provides the resources, policies, and practices that provides solutions to the crime of sex trafficking in Hawai‘i. Our youth can embrace their bright futures through a continuum of care, trauma-informed systems, and comprehensive holistic treatment. Ho‘ōla Nā Pua has led positive change throughout Hawai‘i with their proven community programming and services such as Hoku Groups, Starfish Mentoring and Advocacy, Education & Awareness Training. In addition, they opened the highly anticipated Bromley Family Pearl Haven Campus, a residential treatment center offering a continuum of trauma-informed care for healing and sustainable society reintegration. The Pearl Haven campus, gives exploited youth renewed hope for a bright future and has rapidly become a clinical model for national and global replication in the fight against sex-trafficking worldwide. Children are our future. The crime of trafficking threatens the fabric of our society. Every child deserves to be safe. Partnership, generosity, and action will change the future of our at-risk youth and those exploited. Join in our commitment to prevent of sex trafficking and provide care for children who have been exploited.

BRAVE & BEAUTIFUL