GROW IN CONFIDENCE. KNOW YOUR IDENTITY. PROTECT YOURSELF FROM VICTIMIZATION.
PARENT & LEADER GUIDE
FOR GIRLS
Join the Journey
A Special Edition with wisdom and encouragement for teen girls to:
• Bolster self-value and confidence • Promote positive self-image and strength • Grow up aware and equipped to protect themselves and others
• Honor their personal power to be both brave and beautiful
PARENT & LEADER GUIDE
WELCOME TO THE PARENT & LEADER GUIDE AUTHORS/EDUCATORS: Cathy Lynne Fong, Erin Chinen, Loraine Hotoke, and Michele Okimura.
WELCOME TO THE BRAVE & BEAUTIFUL JOURNEY! Thank you so much for making the time to invest in your teen and in your
relationship with her! We believe that you will find this to be a transformational experience for you both, as the articles will be relevant to your personal growth as well. We believe you will grow together. If you are going through this Journey book with a small group of participants, we believe you are in for a deeply meaningful time together as well! A team of educators collaborated to put together discussion questions and optional activities for each chapter for you to use as a springboard in your times of meeting together. Please know that the discussion questions are optional, and you can pick and choose which questions you would like to use, as well as create your own questions. Be inspired with spontaneous questions as the discussion flows. The activities provided for each chapter are also optional. We encourage you to be creative and create your own activities! The lessons are typically geared for small groups, so please adjust the activity if you are doing a 1:1 mentorship as a parent, teacher, or leader. We welcome you to dive in and enjoy the journey yourself. We hope this will be a transformational experience for all involved.
IMPORTANT NOTES TO CONSIDER BEFORE YOU BEGIN: • •
Be positive, affirming, and encouraging to your teen whenever possible! Be mindful to NOT dominate the conversation. Make it a point to listen more than you talk.
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Express gratitude when your teen shares a good point.
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Make the discussion times as enjoyable, loving, and meaningful as possible so you both look forward to your times together.
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Thank her when she took a risk and shared vulnerably with you.
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The discussions can be serious at times, but remember that laughing together also grows the bond between you and your teen!
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BRAVE & BEAUTIFUL
PLEASE READ THE FOLLOWING REMINDERS TO HELP ENSURE A SUCCESSFUL EXPERIENCE FOR BOTH YOU AND YOUR TEEN GIRL(S)! WHAT IS THE PURPOSE OF THIS GUIDE?
The purpose of this guide is to give you helpful ideas for meaningful discussions on the vital topics covered in Brave & Beautiful. The discussion time after each chapter can strengthen your emotional connection with your teen, heart to heart. This can be a powerful mentorship tool! We also provided optional activities you can do in small groups.
Verbally processing the content with someone as mature as you, will help teen girls to digest the material and have a deeper learning experience. Going through the material with someone also ensures they will complete the Brave & Beautiful Journey. The ending chapters of this journey book have vital information that could literally save lives! WHO SHOULD GO THROUGH THIS WITH A TEEN GIRL?
Because Brave & Beautiful is for teen girls and the articles are coming from mostly female perspectives covering common female issues, it is more natural and comfortable for a mom or female mentor to go through this with teen girls. However, we do understand that in some cases, a father may want to go through this with their teen, which is also fine. *Going through this with a small group of teen girls can also add beneficial and enriching perspectives to the discussions. IMPORTANT: THIS IS NOT A TIME TO GIVE ‘LECTURES’ OR GIVE ADVICE (UNLESS THE TEEN GIRL ASKS FOR ADVICE).
Our desire is that going through Brave & Beautiful together with your teen or group of teens will be a positive, enjoyable experience for everyone! As a parent or mentor, you want to create a safe place where your teen girl feels comfortable to open up and freely share her thoughts and feelings. •
This is not a time where your teen passively listens to your advice or teachings.
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This is not a time to quickly ‘correct’ your teen’s line of thinking.
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This is not a time to try to force your teen to agree with your perspectives.
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Seek to understand you teen first before seeking to be understood.
However, in the discussions, there will be opportunities to pass along your wisdom naturally as you share your thoughts and life experiences. This is a time to really listen to your teen and seek to understand her. If your teen feels that you really care about what she has to say, she will appreciate being heard. If you
listen to her without negatively judging her, she will want to share things with you—which is what you want! WHAT DO YOU DO IF YOUR TEEN SHARES SOMETHING SHOCKING, DISTURBING, OR UPSETTING TO YOU?
Because the topics and discussion questions encourage vulnerability, your teen may very well muster the courage within herself to share something that may shock, disturb, or upset you. Prepare yourself now, so if this happens, you are ready to respond with love and compassion, and NOT react in anger or shock. If you do react in anger or shock, this may cause your teen girl to not want to open up to you —she may decide that you are not a safe person to confide her secrets to. Put yourself in her shoes. If you confessed something very private to someone when you were a teen, how would you want them to respond? As a parent or mentor, it can be SO easy to react in anger or shock when your teen shares something upsetting. The tendency can be to want to control the situation and your teen! Having a plan on responding calmly using self-restraint can help you should such a situation arise. Your strong reactions can cause your teen to shut down emotionally if they do not feel honored or heard. Refer to the article following this introduction entitled, “Empathetic Responses That Promote Connection.” Respond with kindness, gentleness, love, and empathy—not judgment. Know that it took courage for your teen to share what she did. You can affirm your teen girl and thank her for sharing her heart with you. Take this opportunity to love on her and communicate that you want to always be there for her. BECAUSE YOU WILL BE SHARING YOUR THOUGHTS AND LIFE EXPERIENCES IN THE DISCUSSIONS, HOW VULNERABLE SHOULD YOU BE WITH YOUR TEEN?
Part of creating a heart connection with your teen involves you sharing some of your life experiences with her. You will create an atmosphere of vulnerability when you share about the struggles you went through, your failures, and what you learned from them as it relates to the subject being discussed. It is so valuable for your teen to learn more about your story! They may particularly appreciate stories about your teen years.
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WHAT IS A RECOMMENDED READING PLAN?
There are 25 short chapters, so we recommend reading one chapter per week in chronological order. The chapters are short (4-8 pages) and can easily be read in a short amount of time. The discussion time can be anywhere from around 30 minutes or more, depending on how a particular topic impacts your teen and your available time. If the conversation seems to be going longer than usual and you need to end it due to your schedule, you can always continue the conversation at a later time. Sometimes the best conversations happen while in the car together or at random times when hearts are open. *NOTE: If your teen is going through a particular struggle in the present, you can opt to skip ahead to a later chapter that addresses what she is currently going through. For example, if a close relative of your teen passed away, you could decide to skip ahead and go through the chapter SHE CRIES on grieving. Like a magazine, you can skip ahead to what is most relevant, then return back to the order we have laid out for the journey. Although the chapters are ordered to build upon each other, feel free to skip around to chapters that are most relevant and will best serve your teen girl(s). THIS PUBLICATION IS FOR MIDDLE SCHOOL AND HIGH SCHOOL GIRLS. CAN A YOUNGER GIRL GO THROUGH THIS?
Because the first three-fourths of the content focus on growing a girl’s confidence and knowing her identity, you could easily go over the first three-fourths of the journey with younger girls using your judgment. The older a girl is, the more mature she is and the more she will have a deeper grasp on the lessons. However, the articles do support younger girls! The last chapters cover the heavier subjects of pornography, sex abuse, and sex trafficking which may not be as age appropriate for younger girls (You may decide to pick and choose articles that you feel are helpful for younger girls.). However, as a parent or mentor, you can use your judgment since some research has shown that the average age for first exposure to pornography is 8 years old. Knowing your audience and their exposure level might help you determine if it is important for your younger audience to be aware of online predators and pornography issues.
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BRAVE & BEAUTIFUL
CAN A YOUNG ADULT WOMAN OR OLDER WOMAN BENEFIT FROM GOING THROUGH THIS BRAVE & BEAUTIFUL JOURNEY?
Although the target group for this publication is middle and high school teen girls, we understand that many women of all ages struggle with having confidence and believing that they are brave and beautiful. We have found that many women (women in their 20s through 60s) who have journeyed through this publication have been deeply touched and impacted. We know this resource can speak to girls and women of all ages. The valuable information about sex trafficking and the various other topics covered can be gleaned and passed on to young people through the women who have gone through this Brave & Beautiful experience! PLEASE REFRAIN FROM ASKING TO READ YOUR TEEN GIRL’S PRIVATE THOUGHTS THAT SHE SHARED ON HER INTERACTIVE PAGES.
We strongly urge parents and mentors to please honor their teen’s privacy regarding the interactive pages that she filled out—unless she willingly wants to share her writings or art with you. We want every teen girl to be honest and vulnerable in her reflections and journaling. Knowing that others will be reading her private journaling without permission would greatly hinder the effectiveness of her experience. BRAVE & BEAUTIFUL SHOULD BE KEPT AND REFERRED TO EVEN IN YOUNG ADULT YEARS!
We want our teen readers to feel honored and blessed by the quality and excellence of this publication. We envision that they will keep Brave & Beautiful for decades to come as a tool and reference guide. Sex trafficking also happens during young adult years and in colleges. We pray this will be a resource the readers will refer to again and again.
A RIGHT OF PASSAGE EVENT FOR YOUR TEEN GIRL WHO TO INVITE?
You could invite a few or many women who are especially close to your teen girl. They could be family members and/or mentors. You can choose to involve your teen girl in deciding who to invite to this event. This will be a powerful time of women affirming and loving on her, welcoming her into the season of becoming a young woman! PREPARATION
Ahead of time, ask the women invited to write a one-page (or so) letter to your teen girl, expressing their love and sharing their wisdom as she enters a new season of her life. They can include their hopes for her. Inform them that they will be reading their letter to her as part of the program at the event. Their letters will later be put into an album for your teen girl to keep forever.
We have added this additional activity that can be so meaningful for your teen girl. We wanted to mention this idea to you now so you can be envisioning the possibilities as you feel led—be creative! This celebration event can help her to grow in confidence and know her value! Be innovative and simply use this activity as a springboard to tailor it to how you want to encourage your teen girl. Here are a few milestone ages that this activity can be applied to: • In the Jewish culture, when a girl turns 12, a Bat Mitzvah celebration takes place as a coming-of-age ceremony into adulthood. • A girl’s Sweet 16 Debutante Birthday party or her quinceanera can also be considered a coming-of-age ceremony in America.
Ask the invited guests to bring a gift that has a symbolic meaning which expresses what they appreciate about your teen girl and communicates how they see her. They are to attach a positive meaning to the item they gift to her, which they will share at the event. Encourage them to be creative! Plan the details of the party using your creativity to make it special and memorable! AT THE CELEBRATION
Sometime during the event, have a time where each of the invited guests presents their letter and gift to your teen girl. Each woman is to read their letter, give their wrapped gift to her, (have your teen girl open the gift) and explain the meaning behind the gift they gave. It is also special to take photos during the event including a final group shot. AFTER THE CELEBRATION
Collect the letters written to your teen girl. You could simply place them into an album along with any photos from the event, or you can make this into a scrapbooking project. This could be a craft project you do, your teen girl does, or you do together.
• When a girl graduates high school, this can also be a year to celebrate with this activity, since she will be moving onto college, higher education, trade school, or the workforce.
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EMPATHETIC RESPONSES THAT PROMOTE CONNECTION
It is not always easy to know what to say when someone tells you something very personal. There is power in words. Careless words keep people isolated and silent for years. Supportive words bring healing, restoration, and courage to talk about their burden or their experiences. Here are some tips on what to say vs what not to say when someone shares vulnerably.
WHAT TO SAY:
After someone shares something vulnerable, it can be hurtful to not say anything, quickly change the subject, or make a joke/comment to lighten to mood.
• You are very brave and courageous to talk about what happened.
When appropriate, a hand on the shoulder, a hand squeeze or a hug also can communicate comfort and empathy. *Do not start immediately sharing your experience that is similar. This time is not about you. It is about listening to them heart-to-heart. Giving advice and encouraging words comes later after they feel validated and heard, and you sense they are ready for that.
• Sounds like you are feeling really (angry, sad, excited, shocked etc.) by what happened. I don’t know exactly what to say right now except that I’m here for you. • I’m so sorry that happened to you. • This must be so tough for you.
• It took a lot of courage to talk about this, and I’m proud of you. • I am here to help you through your sadness. • We will walk through this together. • I care about you. I am here to listen and help you in any way. • I am so glad you are sharing this with me. • You are not alone.
WHAT NOT TO SAY
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You just need to let go and move on. Other people have it worse than you. You’re making too much of a big deal of this. Are you just trying to get attention? I can’t believe this really happened. Tell me every detail and don’t leave anything out. How come you just can’t forgive? Did you enjoy it? (referring to abuse) What are you going to do about it now? At least… (minimizing issue)
BRAVE & BEAUTIFUL
• I believe in you! • I’m so sorry that awful thing happened to you. You didn’t deserve this (abuse, hurtful situation) • You are not to blame. This is not your fault. (if they were a victim of abuse) • Healing is possible. You can be whole again. • Forgiveness for such a deep hurt is a process and will happen over time. • What I hear you saying is… (reflect back what they said/ reflect back what you sense they are feeling.)
GROW IN CONFIDENCE. KNOW YOUR IDENTITY.
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urney
FOR GIRLS