COLLETTE STROGANOV

“I was stuck in this victim’s mentality”

Three years ago, Collette Stroganov felt the bottom drop out of her life. In the aftermath of her second D.U.I., it seemed as though she had lost everything ̶ her job, her car and, worst of all, custody of her beloved daughter, Maylana.

She also lost her freedom. Sitting in the Santa Rosa County Jail, she became so depressed she was placed in solitary confinement. There would be plenty of time during the next 30 days to examine the past 30 years of her life and see how things had gotten this way.

Stroganov was a mixed-race child who was adopted when she was one. Her biological mother, whom she met once when she was 11, was Native American. Her biological father, whom she never met, was Latino. The family that adopted her was white.

“I experienced racism growing up in a white family,” she says. “And one of the things I struggled with was not feeling that I fit in.”

Stroganov grew up in Novato, but since her father was in the military, the family moved around a lot. She lived in Puerto Rico, New York, Oregon and all over the Bay Area, an outdoorsy kid who enjoyed the freedom that living on a safe military base offered.

“The only real rule we had,” she says, “was that we had to be in when the streetlights came on.”

As a teenager, she grew rebellious. She experienced abuse in the family she struggled to feel a part of, and felt overwhelmed at times by feelings she couldn’t identify.

“I was struggling with anxiety and depression,” she says. “But I didn’t know that then.” Hace tres años, Collette Stroganov sintió que su vida se hundía. Después de su segundo D.U.I., parecía que lo había perdido todo: su trabajo, su automóvil y, lo peor de todo, la custodia de su amada hija, Maylana.

Ella también perdió su libertad. Sentada en la cárcel del condado de Santa Rosa, se deprimió tanto que la pusieron en confinamiento solitario. Habría mucho tiempo durante los próximos 30 días para examinar los últimos 30 años de su vida y ver cómo las cosas habían llegado hasta allí.

Stroganov era una niña mestiza que fue adoptada cuando tenía un año. Su madre biológica, a quien conoció una vez cuando tenía 11 años, era nativa americana. Su padre biológico, a quien nunca conoció, era latino. La familia que la adoptó era blanca.

“Experimenté el racismo al crecer en una familia blanca”, dice. "Y una de las cosas con las que luché fue sentir que no encajaba".

By Dana Perrigan

Writer | Journalist | Book Author

She turned to alcohol, which offered a quick ̶ if temporary ̶ escape.

After high school, Stroganov became a licensed pharmacy technician. She met the man who would become the father of her child. They were both into partying with drugs and alcohol and when Stroganov became pregnant, the relationship became abusive. She wasn’t sure she wanted to have a child, but finally decided to go ahead. “It was the best decision I ever made,” she says.

Her next decision was easier. After her boyfriend beat her up on her birthday, breaking her collarbone and putting her in the hospital, she decided to leave him and move to Oregon, where she had friends and family.

Soon she was working three jobs, still struggling with anxiety and depression.

“I was stuck in this victim’s mentality,” she says. “I felt I was entitled ̶ that I deserved to drink.”

She ran into an old high school friend. For a while, the relationship seemed good. But shortly after he started smoking meth, he became abusive. Once again, Stroganov decided it was time to leave.

“I drove to California with a black eye and eighty dollars in my pocket,” she says.

Returning to Novato to stay with a girlfriend, Stroganov got a job in the telecommunications industry. But her ex-boyfriend in Oregon began threatening and harassing her at work. It got so bad the company instituted new security protocols.

Stroganov started drinking again and got her first driving under the influence conviction. A friend suggested Alcoholics Anonymous, but Stroganov wasn’t keen on the idea. She imagined a bunch of drunks sitting around with brown paper bags. But after getting her second D.U.I., she knew she needed to do something.

“I had to admit to myself that my way wasn’t working,” she says. “I had to set my pride aside and learn how to ask for help.”

Stroganov credits her A.A. sponsor with giving her that help. At her suggestion, she took a job at a local coffee shop. She connected with the community and started taking classes at Santa Rosa Community College. She also met the man she would eventually marry. Stroganov creció en Novato, pero como su padre estaba en el ejército, la familia se mudó mucho. Vivió en Puerto Rico, Nueva York, Oregón y en todo el Área de la Bahía, una niña que disfrutaba al aire libre que disfrutaba de la libertad que le ofrecía vivir en una base militar segura.

"La única regla real que teníamos", dice, "era que teníamos que estar dentro cuando se encendieran las luces de la calle".

Cuando era adolescente, se volvió rebelde. Sufrió abuso en la familia de la que luchaba por sentirse parte y, a veces, se sentía abrumada por sentimientos que no podía identificar.

"Estaba luchando contra la ansiedad y la depresión", dice. "Pero yo no sabía eso entonces".

Se volvió hacia el alcohol, que le ofreció un escape rápido, aunque temporal.

Después de la escuela secundaria, Stroganov se convirtió en técnico de farmacia con licencia. Conoció al hombre que se convertiría en el padre de su hijo. A ambos les gustaba divertirse con drogas y alcohol pero cuando Stroganov quedó embarazada, la relación se volvió abusiva. No estaba segura de querer tener un hijo, pero finalmente decidió seguir adelante. “Fue la mejor decisión que tomé”, dice.

Su siguiente decisión fue más fácil. Después de que su novio la golpeara en su cumpleaños, le rompiera la clavícula y la internaran en el hospital, decidió dejarlo y mudarse a Oregón, donde tenía amigos y familiares. Pronto tuvo tres trabajos, todavía luchando contra la ansiedad y la depresión.

"Estaba atrapada en la mentalidad de esta víctima", dice. "Sentí que tenía derecho, que merecía beber".

Se encontró con un viejo amigo de la escuela secundaria. Por un tiempo, la relación pareció buena. Pero poco después de que él empezara a fumar metanfetamina, se volvió abusivo. Una vez más, Stroganov decidió que era hora de dejarlo.

“Conduje hasta California con un ojo morado y ochenta dólares en el bolsillo”, dice.

Al regresar a Novato para quedarse con una amiga, Stroganov consiguió un trabajo en la industria de las telecomunicaciones. Pero su exnovio en Oregón comenzó a amenazarla y acosarla en el trabajo. Se puso tan mal que la empresa instituyó nuevos protocolos de seguridad.

Stroganov had always wanted to go back to school, but didn’t think it would be possible to do so. Her husband encouraged her and she finally decided to give it a try.

The past year, says Stroganov, has been amazing. She has a 4.0 grade point average and is working toward an associate degree in human services addictive studies and advocacy. She wants to eventually become a drug and alcohol counselor, to work with the incarcerated and help them transition back into society.

Stroganov was also recently accepted into Communidad San Dimas’ Excell Network Program and an Archdiocese of San Francisco / Reentry Scholarship Stipend Fund financed through a grant to the California Catholic Conference restorative justice programs from the Catholic Campaign for Human Development (CCHD).

In the meantime, as president of Students for Recovery, treasurer of the Second Chance Club and a member of the Human Services Advisory Committee, she gets to support others along the way.

“It’s the coolest thing,” she says. “I’m all in.” Stroganov volvió a beber y consiguió su primera condena por conducir bajo los efectos del alcohol. Un amigo sugirió Alcohólicos Anónimos, pero a Stroganov no le gustó la idea. Se imaginó a un grupo de borrachos sentados con bolsas de papel marrón. Pero después de obtener su segundo D.U.I., supo que tenía que hacer algo.

"Tuve que admitirme a mí misma que mi camino no estaba funcionando", dice. "Tuve que dejar mi orgullo a un lado y aprender a pedir ayuda".

Stroganov le da crédito a su patrocinador en A.A. por darle esa ayuda. Por sugerencia suya, tomó un trabajo en una cafetería local. Se conectó con la comunidad y comenzó a tomar clases en Santa Rosa Community College. También conoció al hombre con el que eventualmente se casaría.

Stroganov siempre había querido volver a la escuela, pero creía que no era posible hacerlo. Su marido la animó y finalmente decidió intentarlo.

El año pasado, dice Stroganov, ha sido asombroso. Tiene un promedio de calificaciones de 4.0 y está trabajando para obtener un título de asociado en servicios humanos, estudios adictivos y defensa. Ella quiere convertirse eventualmente en consejera de drogas y alcohol, trabajar con los encarcelados y ayudarlos en la transición de regreso a la sociedad.

Stroganov también fue aceptada recientemente en el Programa Excell Network de la Comunidad San Dimas y en un Fondo de Estipendio de Becas de la Arquidiócesis de San Francisco / Reingreso financiado a través de una subvención a los programas de justicia restaurativa de la Conferencia Católica de California y la Campaña Católica para el Desarrollo Humano (CCHD) a nivel nacional.

Mientras tanto, como presidenta de Estudiantes en Recuperación, tesorera del Club Segunda Oportunidad y miembro del Comité Asesor de Servicios Humanos, puede apoyar a otros en el camino.

"Es la cosa más genial", dice ella. "Ahora voy con todo".

“Estaba atrapada en esa mentalidad de víctima”

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JOHN CUNNINGHAM:

“Each and every one of us has a purpose, and this right now is a place of preparation to propel me into my purpose. And I’m grateful for the opportunity.”

LINDSAY CROFT:

“I've recently been looking into being a court reporter, and I feel that would be like a good life choice for me.”

JOSEPH KRAUTER:

“It makes my heart happy to learn things and get bolstered up like that, to know that I have a pursuit and a purpose and that education is like a huge vehicle for that. It makes me so happy.”

LAKISHA RICHMOND:

“Also, being around people that are just like me. They see like, wow, she’s in college, she’s doing it. She’s actually pushing forward no matter if she’s taking one class. I think that that’s a big tool for me because I’m able to help others around me.”

LILLIANA GONZALEZ:

“I’m bettering myself. Right now I’m taking sociology classes because one day I would like to become a Social Worker. I love helping people.”

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SY YEN HONG:

“I believe that through education, it allowed me to be able to communicate with others who didn’t come from the same background as I did, whereas in the past it would be hard for me to even speak to people where I felt that they wouldn’t understand my background.”

YUNIA GUARDADO:

“I'm taking classes, I’m improving in my life, and I’m excited to see what’s the next chapter of my life right now.”

JESSY MARTINEZ:

“I kind of have an understanding of what it’s like to not - to feel like you have no one in your life, to feel completely alone and to feel like no one’s willing to listen to you, so I feel like they might be in the same place I used to be.”

HEATHER LEACH:

“I changed my major from business to sociology because I am really enjoying working in the nonprofit field and I feel my lived experience, matched with the proper education, can get me so much further through life.”

OMAR BREEDLOVE:

“Who I really was, was not who I had been. So when I looked at who I really was and the type of person that I am and the things that I enjoy, one of the things that I found that I enjoyed was helping other people.”