Riverfront Times, July 26, 2023

FRONT BURNER 6

MONDAY, JULY 17. The FDA approves a vaccine for respiratory syncytial virus, or RSV. The viral infection is the leading cause of hospitalization for newborns, so this is great news for all parents, no matter how skeptical they are of those newfangled vaccines that have been saving lives for 300+ years! (Editor’s note: They will not find it great news.)

TUESDAY, JULY 18. A 22-year-old Bangladeshi immigrant working at the BP in Dogtown is shot to death around 3:30 a.m. Hours later, a 19-year-old person of interest in the case escapes police custody near Lafayette Square … in handcuffs. How??!!

WEDNESDAY, JULY 19. Here’s something we didn’t see coming: Police say the teen who fled custody in handcuffs is no longer a person of interest. Instead, he’s apparently the St. Louis version of that old TV series The Fugitive — fleeing the police in a town where the police

Previously On

LAST WEEK IN ST. LOUIS

kill a whole lot of people. Can’t blame the guy for running. Also: Levi Henning was killed a few weeks ago, executionstyle, after beating a murder rap. Now prosecutors have charged the brother of the young woman Henning was originally charged with murdering. Jacorren Riley, 25, has been charged with first-degree murder. His family had spoken openly of their frustrations with Circuit Attorney Kim Gardner as the case dragged on during her tenure. Apparently, they gave up on the justice system and took matters into their own hands. Devastating.

THURSDAY, JULY 20. The Cards beat the

5 QUESTIONS with Brett Johnson, Protector of Foreskins

By day, Brett Johnson, 45, works in a steel yard, but by evenings and weekends he marches to protect foreskins.

Johnson is the director of Cockfight, an organization that advocates banning circumcision. You may have seen his irreverent signs at parades or around town such as “A Grinch Stole My Inch” or “Let Your Sons Keep Their Lucky Charms.”

Though the organization is based in Lawrence, Kansas, Cockfight and its volunteers travel across the Midwest to large events to spread the word. You may have seen them at a Mizzou football game, the Grand Pride Parade downtown or at other large events. Johnson is also working to open satellite offices in Missouri to keep spreading the word.

How did you become anti-circumcision?

I first had the epiphany that circumcision is genital mutilation when I was actually reading an article, probably like 15 years ago, about female genital mutilation in Africa. And they surveyed some of the African women, and they reported that [the majority of] the women whose genitals were mutilated were happy that it was done to them. I made the connection that these women can be deceived about something so horrific. I thought to myself, could American men be similarly deceived about circumcision?

Isn’t female genital mutilation much more extreme?

The foreskin is not, as is popularly believed in American culture, just a useless piece of skin. That’s one of the myths. It’s full of nerves. It has something like three times as many nerves as the rest of the penis. It’s the same kind of nerves that’s in your fingertips. So when you cut that off, you’re drastically changing the mechanics of sex as nature intended it.

How did you start Cockfight?

I traveled around with the Bloodstained Men. Their volunteers are from all over the country, and they just pick a different region or state of the country every couple of months, and protest mainly at street intersections. As we went around, we were reaching audiences of all ages. And I’d constantly hear from parents who would say, “Oh, if only I had known, I would not have circumcised my son.”

I got frustrated hearing that all the time. I was like, “We need to be reaching people before they start families.” We tried to come up with

Cubs 7-2, en route to a six-game winning streak. “Are the Cardinals finally pulling it together?” the Post-Dispatch asks, a sure sign they’re about to blow it again.

FRIDAY, JULY 21. Blow it they do; the Cubs win 4-3, though we plan to blame it all on the ump. Also: The great Tony Bennett is dead at age 96, RIP. Some better news: Boeing will invest $1.8 billion into new construction in north St. Louis County, with a plan near the airport that will cost more than the much-vaunted NGA and bring 500 new jobs. Wowza!

SATURDAY, JULY 22. It’s Barbenheimer

weekend, and the multiplex is packed! Less happily, a boat at the Lake of the Ozarks crashes into a house, injuring eight. Unsurprisingly, the driver was arrested for Boating While Intoxicated — proving that the most dangerous place in Missouri is near a dumbass.

SUNDAY, JULY 23. The Post-Dispatch reports on yet another supposed nonprofit cashing in while administering grab-ngo lunches — one reason the state suspended the program earlier this year. Jacob Barker reports that Life360 Community Services paid the Reverend Ted Cederblom a six-figure salary to administer the program, even while he was also pastor of Life360 Church. The program paid another six family members, including Cederblom’s wife, son, two brothers and sisters-in-law, as well as paying the church rent and administration fees. Even wonder why we can’t do nice things? Grift is why we can’t do nice things.

a brand that would appeal to young people that is kind of edgy. It’s kind of irreverent. It’s funny. I do feel like we are on the right track. You have some interesting signs!

Our message can be depressing. It’s not every day that a man finds out that the best part of his penis was stolen from him before he was a few days old, and before he could even object. But we do our best to make it fun and educate them on this issue as painlessly as possible. We’ve got one that’s like, “Circumcision is unnecessary roughness” for football games. For Pride month we came up with “Celebrate, don’t amputate. Stop circumcision.”

What’s your ultimate goal?

We do want to ban circumcision. We feel like it’s such an egregious human rights violation because we are talking about a person’s genitals, and to be cutting off a healthy body part is just unconscionable to us. It’s going to require a mass movement. And so that’s what we’re trying to start.

Brett Johnson (center) with Cockfight at the St. Louis Grand Pride parade. | COURTESY PHOTO

WEEKLY WTF?!

VOX POPULI

We Love St. Louis, Until It’s Time to Live Here

BY G.F. FULLER

Sign Watch!

What: the best custom sign ever

Where: the Hill neighborhood, obviously

What we love about this: The owner of this home not only took the time and expense to make this sign, but did so with Italian flair. Simply the best way to be told to buzz off.

It should be said: The street this sign is on is truly one of the worst for parking. Do people still park here? Absolutely.

15 SECONDS OF FAME

HATER OF THE WEEK WHO WAS PUT IN HIS PLACE

Attorney General Andrew Bailey

Missouri Attorney General Andrew Bailey has done a lot of dumb things since he took office in January. He recently signed a prudish and embarrassing letter full of misinformation telling Target he disapproved of its Pride collection. He tried (and failed) to dismiss a lawsuit that’s attempting to overthrow Missouri’s abortion ban. He also didn’t bother to appeal a decision that said the Missouri Attorney General can’t tell Missouri school districts what their mask policies should be during a pandemic. That was a lawsuit his predecessor, Eric Schmitt, filed, but Bailey took the L.

And thankfully, the Missouri Supreme Court dealt him another loss last week.

The story begins when Anna Fitz-James tried to start an initiative petition to legalize abortion in the state. The amendment, which would be voted on, would ensure that people could maintain access to birth control and abortion by enshrining it in our state constitution. Part of getting started with the initiative petition was having it approved by the secretary of state, but that couldn’t happen because Bailey wanted to quibble with the cost estimate that state Auditor Scott Fitzpatrick drew up. As part of a petition process, the state auditor has to include a fiscal note summary that explains how much the measure will cost or save state or local governmental entities. Fitzpatrick had concluded that challenging the ban wouldn’t cost or save the state any money.

Bailey said that was wrong and held up getting the petition approved by the secretary of state.

According to the courts, there is nothing in state law that “gives the attorney general authority to question the auditor’s assessment of the fiscal impact of a proposed petition.” The court also estimated that FitzJames lost at least 100 days due to Bailey’s dilatory tactics. That was time supporters could have been gathering signatures to get the initiative on the ballot.

On the upside, the judge only needed two days to come to his conclusion and since it was the Supreme Court (of Missouri), Bailey is out of luck. We love to see him lose.

City pride looms in the air in the City of St. Louis at Citypark, the stadium for St. Louis City SC. Without a mascot, the team has adopted cityness as its complete identity, its very essence and embodiment. Drums maintain the rhythm of fans chanting S-T-L, singing songs to the tune of “We’re Not Gonna Take It” and “Hey, Baby” but with words like “Oh, St. Louis city” instead. Scarves declare “All For City,” a calling like that of a nation. The Lou’s flag is waved constantly; the fleur-de-lis is this place’s Stars and Stripes. Players sport St. Louis’ coat of arms: jerseys that are blue, red and the yellow of a French lily flower. A Purina ad declares boldly, “OUR CITY. OUR PETS.”

The togetherness is contagious. At Citypark, it’s always we: “Hey! We’re St. Louis city,” the crowd shouts; “Our City,” the international gas station On the Run advertises. The corporate sponsors of St. Louis City SC — World Wide Technology, Enterprise, Hoffman Brothers, Schnucks and Dobbs — are also illuminated in solidarity, yet each is headquartered outside city limits. For these companies, a truer marketing strategy would state “Your city. Our county.” In reality, these companies and we fans might give all for St. Louis to win but would never share the blame for the city’s debilitated infrastructure, failing schools and depleting population. Frequenting attractions like the Armory bar, City Foundry and the new Top Golf is much easier and more convenient. So is crossing city lines once more on the ride home.

After the soccer game I, along with 22,000 others, mobbed city streets devoid of attention, barren at almost all other hours of any other day. From the brand-new, high-tech, open-air stadium, we walked over collapsed sidewalks, loose gravel and mudded wood planks that replaced the city’s concrete path. Then, we “St. Louisans” saddled in cars, spilled onto highways designed to destroy city neighborhoods and accommodate suburban commuters during urban renewal. Through interstates, we returned to our own cities: the gated communities

of the Central West End and University Hills, seemingly safe from St. Louis’ crime but only a short ride away from its liveliness; the rich hills of Ladue and Town and Country, far enough from the ills of closeness and community that mansions may be built; the suburban sprawl of south county and west county, home of strip malls, office parks and big box stores.

It felt great being under one roof, cheering for one team and imagining one city, even though I knew it wasn’t true. That night, we beat Inter-Miami CF 3-0, but since 1876, we’ve gone 0 for 7 on city-county reunification attempts.

Last January, as St. Louis’ resident rapper Sexyy Red ascended to national attention with her single “Pound Town,” I laughed at a tweet that read something like “If you don’t like Sexyy Redd, then you must hate St. Louis.” I assumed the tweet was sarcastic and ironic because equating people’s loyalty to the “Ghetto Superstar” (an album of hers) with their love of their city seems implausible … because Sexyy Red is from the county, specifically Normandy, not the city. The Twitter user does make a good point though: Nelly is getting old, and Sexyy Red (or Big Boss Vette) might be all we’ve got to bring this collection of counties and municipalities together.

We all have reasons to feel whole. For advertisers and corporations, it’s to make money. For the city’s teams, it’s fandom. And for residents of the greater St. Louis metropolitan area, it’s because it simply makes us feels good. I enjoy the uproar of the old Rams dome (home-away-from-home for the Arlington-based Battlehawks), and I can understand the hype around soccer — although I still won’t buy the $7 bottles of water at Citypark. I do want this city to be whole, yet until it is, our feelings are the products of advertising and marketing, chants and slogans. They attempt to unify a disunified city. They aren’t real, and unless they miraculously manifest politically and economically, they accomplish little in a divided city.

G.F. Fuller is a writer from St. Louis.

Francis Howell School District Rescinds AntiRacism Resolution

Many objected to the move by the all-white school board

Written by MONICA OBRADOVIC

The all-white board running the Francis Howell School District voted to rescind a resolution displayed throughout school buildings that acknowledges the impact of racism on staff and students.

A previous board governing the public school district in St. Charles County originally approved the resolution in 2020 after the police killing of George Floyd in Minneapolis ignited a push for racial justice. The majority conservative board, of which most members were elected in the past 15 months, voted to rescind the resolution, along with all other resolutions approved by previous iterations of the board, last week.

All resolutions adopted by the board will now be rescinded within 75 days after a majority of board members who signed the resolution are out of office. The board could choose to bring certain resolutions back, however.

The anti-racism resolution says, in part: “We will promote racial healing, especially for our Black and brown students and families. We will no longer be silent. We are committed to creating an equitable and anti-racist system that honors and elevates all, but one that specifically acknowledges the challenges faced by our Black and brown students and families.”

Several people spoke against the rescinding at the meeting last week. Those opposed to the vote packed the board’s meeting room and shouted “shame on you” when the majority of the board voted to end the resolutions. Many held signs saying “move forward, not backward.”

Several of those in opposition

were part of Francis Howell Forward, a nonpartisan PAC created in opposition to the conservativebacked PAC Francis Howell Families. The latter supported the board’s newer members.

Jamie Martin, president of Francis Howell Forward, says the community has repeatedly pleaded with the board not to revoke the anti-racism resolution. Their concerns have gone unheeded, she says.

“Most of them did not respond to the emails sent by our community members and our families,” Martin says.

The stated purpose of rescinding the resolutions was so the board could express its own views on matters relevant to current times, supporters said. They rebuffed claims that the proposal was targeted specifically at the anti-racism resolution. Yet the new policy requires rescinded resolutions to be removed from display in school, and only the anti-racism resolution is displayed, multiple parents said.

The policy states: “The board recognizes that such resolutions are a reflection on a moment in time — specifically, the time the resolution was adopted — and resolutions shall not be used as a rationale for decisions within the district or act in any way to obligate the district to take a specific course of action.”

The St. Louis Post-Dispatch first reported news of the board’s intent to rescind the anti-racism measure. Only two current board members, according to the daily, served on the board when the resolution was approved three years ago. The other five members of the

seven-person board were elected in April 2022 and April 2023.

Janet Stiglich and Chad Lange were the two members on the board at the time of the resolution’s passage in 2020 and were the only two members to vote against rescinding it.

Stiglich questioned why the board suddenly needed a policy to sunset resolutions.

“If your concern is the wording of the resolution … let’s get together and come up with a solution we can all agree with,” Stiglich said. “That’s what elected people do. We expect our students to problem solve, why can’t we as a board do the same thing?”

Another member of the board, Jane Puszkar, said she’s yet to hear proof of how the anti-racism resolution actually prevents a child from harm. But she has, however, known a child who endured religious discrimination.

“My thought on the policy is, what has it really done?” Puszkar said. “How effective has it been? Show me proof. I haven’t gotten any. All I’ve gotten is a lot of hateful email.” This comment caused the crowd to loudly guffaw. “You’re out of order,” Puszkar said to people who objected. “So are you,” someone said from the crowd.

Even if its impact wasn’t clear, the anti-racism resolution gave minority members of the Francis Howell School District hope, residents who spoke to the RFT said.

“It was such a spark of hope after all the years of trauma we experienced as brown and Blacks and non-traditional students,” Kimberly Thompson says. “And now they want to take that hope from us.”

Both of Thompson’s children are graduates of the district, and Thompson also attended, or, in her words, “survived,” the district. She recalls multiple racist incidents she endured as a student. “I experienced so many needless and senseless wounds, sometimes on a daily basis, simply because of the color of my skin,” Thompson says.

For Pastor B.T. Rice, whose two teenage grandchildren attend the district, rescinding the resolution was a major step backwards. He says Black children in the district have been called a litany of names meant to degrade people of color, including “Aunt Jemima,” “coon” and “Blackie.”

“Enough is enough,” Rice says. n

Parents protest rescinding an anti-racism resolution at a Francis Howell School Board meeting. | MONICA OBRADOVIC

“You’re out of order,” a board member told the audience. “So are you,” someone said from the crowd.

Woman at Center of County Sex Scandal Sues

The woman says she was filmed without her consent giving oral sex to the then-chief of staff for Sam Page

Written by RYAN KRULL

The woman who was filmed giving oral sex to the then-chief of staff for St. Louis County Executive Sam Page in a county government building is now suing a host of people for allegedly disseminating the video. The suit identifies the woman only as “Jane Doe.”

Doe filed suit last week in St. Louis Circuit Court against both Calvin Harris, the former chief of staff, who is alleged to have shot the video without her knowledge, as well as former Missouri Representative Shamed Dogan

Board of Aldermen Won’t Tackle Airbnb Regulation Just Yet

The legislation has been punted to the fall

Written by MONICA OBRADOVIC

The St. Louis Board of Aldermen will revisit legislation meant to curb crime and violent parties at shortterm rentals later this year.

The board held its last meeting before summer recess last week and won’t reconvene until September. Aldermen will take up short-term rental regulations then.

In May, Ward 4 Alderman Bret Narayan introduced two bills, Board Bill 34 and Board Bill 33, that were the culmination of a years-long effort to regulate shortterm rentals offered through platforms such as Airbnb and Vrbo.

Board Bill 33, as it’s written now, would require a permit to operate a short-term rental in the city and for hosts to receive a business license to rent out any units

(R-St. Louis County) and Rodney Leger, a Chicago man who now faces criminal charges for sharing the video without her consent.

The fourth and final defendant in the suit is Constance Vaughn, a woman allegedly in an “on and off again” romantic

they don’t live in. Property owners would also need to assign a “short-term rental agent” to respond to concerns 24/7. Hosts would be limited to four permits for units they don’t live in, and permits could only be held by an individual, not an LLC.

At hearings for the bills, Narayan has said he did not want to rush the process and did not anticipate them getting through the Board of Aldermen before summer break.

“We always intended to have several meetings on this board bill, and with the amount of input we’ve received from the community, I wanted to implement that feedback into a committee substitute bill and have further discussions,” Narayan tells the RFT

Vitriol toward short-term rentals has boiled in recent months. City officials see them as magnets for crime or large parties that turned violent, while shootings and other criminal activity have been tied to short-term rentals. Last month, a 23-year-old man was shot after leaving a party at a short-term rental in the Shaw neighborhood.

“Right now, we’re in the wild west with short-term rentals in St. Louis,” Narayan said at the committee hearing.

St. Louis is one of a growing number of major U.S. cities that has considered regulating short-term rentals as the industry expands — even in the midst of

relationship with both Harris and Leger. The suit accuses Vaughn of disseminating the video to Leger “for purposes of harassing, embarrassing, humiliating, and attacking” Doe.

Doe says she committed the sex act in February or March of 2022 and that

both she and Harris are identifiable in the video he shot.

The suit says that Dogan, Vaughn and Leger obtained the video in such a way that they ought to have known it should have remained private.

According to the suit, Dogan attempted to justify his actions by citing state transparency laws. However, the suit accuses him of sending the video “for purposes of his political campaign.” At the time, Dogan was seeking to unseat Harris’ boss, Page, although Dogan later lost in the Republican primary.

Dogan sent the video via email to County Councilman Mark Harder, who sent it to Clayton Police. According to KSDK, the email’s subject line was “Tax Dollars GROSSLY Misused at County Executive Office.”

The suit, filed by attorney Grant Boyd, accuses the various defendants of negligent infliction of emotional distress, as well as violating state law by disseminating the video to humiliate Doe. That claim rests on the state’s so-called “Greitens Law,” which was inspired by allegations that the former governor took a nude photo of his then-mistress without her consent. n

what’s been coined nationwide as an “Airbnbust,” a trend that indicates the market is oversaturated.

Analytics site AirDNA reports that available listings rose 18.9 percent from April 2022 to the same time this year. But in 2021, Airbnb hosts’ average income rose 85 percent, according to Airbnb.

Some hosts who spoke to the RFT were for the regulations.

“There needs to be something,” host Scott Schumaier says. “Nobody from the government makes sure there’s a basic

safety apparatus in place.”

But for other hosts, the proposals seem to overtax and exert needless control on what they see as an already “selfregulating” system. Most major shortterm rental platforms have a no-party rule, and hosts say the platforms already weed out bad actors.

“That’s the problem with the city,” says Karl Hawkins, who runs an Airbnb out of an alley house in Soulard. “They take a sledgehammer when they need a flyswatter.” n

Calvin Harris (pictured) was the chief of staff for the St. Louis County Executive. | COURTESY PHOTO

In St. Louis city, many people have become frustrated with short-term rentals. | BRADEN MCMAKIN

Circuit Attorney’s Office Is Stabilizing

Written by RYAN KRULL

Last week — six weeks into his new job as circuit attorney for St. Louis — Gabe Gore held a press conference to tout improvements he’s made at the troubled office he inherited, including clearing a chunk of the case backlog and re-establishing relationships with St. Louis police and other area prosecutors.

However, Gore also said that prosecutors in his homicide unit still cary caseloads he described as “unsustainable,” estimating that these attorneys are currently tasked with handling between 60 and 65 cases each.

Gore was officially sworn in as circuit attorney on May 30 after being appointed by Governor Mike Parson earlier that month. Gore’s predecessor Kim Gardner

resigned amid a flurry of scandals and an effort by the state attorney general to remove her from office. In the weeks leading up to that resignation, it was revealed that homicide prosecutors in Gardner’s office carried caseloads in the hundreds, and the number of cases assigned to each attorney only went up as staffers fled the office.

Gore stressed that reducing homicide prosecutors’ caseload to the 60 to 65 range was in part made possible by the assistance of federal prosecutors and private attorneys who are now loaning time to the Circuit Attorney’s Office.

According to Gore, the eight assistant U.S. attorneys cross-designated to work for the city are collectively working on 20 homicide cases. Three private attorneys on loan from area law firms are each handling 10 homicides apiece.

“Right now, the attorneys are going above and beyond to carry these caseloads,” Gore said. “We’ve got to get the number of attorneys up to a level where we can have reasonable case loads and where we can really be effective on all our cases.”

Gore also highlighted a reduction in the office’s case backlog. He said that

when he took over as circuit attorney around 4,500 applications for charges had yet to be filed. That number is down to about 2,000 now.

The reduction, he said, came thanks in large part to staff from St. Louis County and Franklin County working in the city’s warrant office on a temporary basis to help process the backlog.

Gore brushed off questions as to whether he had uncovered anything about how Gardner ran the office that warranted further investigation.

“That’s not something that I’m looking at,” he said. “My focus is on moving forward.” n

Gabe Gore says the caseload is still unsustainable for his homicide unit, but things are turning around

City Circuit Attorney Gabe Gore inherited a huge case backlog. | RYAN KRULL

“We’ve got to get the number of attorneys up to a level where we can have reasonable case loads and where we can really be effective on all our cases.”

Go Ask Alice

The City Museum’s City Nights

Alice in Wonderland was a trip down the rabbit hole

Photos by MAX BOUVATTE

Words by ROSALIND EARLY

In the summer, City Museum hosts parties on its rooftop. Each one is different. One year we went and there were local bands playing live as people shot down slides and rode the fer-

ris wheel. On July 21, the party’s theme was Alice in Wonderland, and we can’t think of anything more perfect for the City Museum rooftop, which is our own little wonderland in St. Louis. There was food, drinks (including canned cocktail sampling from 4Hands 1220 Spirits) and art installations.

Neon mushrooms and other immersive art projections were added to make you feel like you were hanging out with the Mad Hatter, but the giant praying mantis and school bus dangling off the side of the roof are always there. Bonus: No one got their head lopped off. If you want to be a part of the City Nights fun, then the next event is Friday, August 4, and costs $25 to $52. n

A CELEBRATION OF THE UNIQUE AND FASCINATING ASPECTS OF OUR HOME

We Are Part of a

Micronation

fun

The MicroCon convention commenced last month at a Holiday Inn in Joliet, Illinois, a perfectly adequate place for people from all over America to gather for an event featuring speeches, diplomacy, athletics and a bit of dining and dancing.

In some respects, it looked like any other convention at any other hotel — at least for the first minute, or two. It didn’t take much more time than that to appreciate that this was a special group, indeed.

For example: There are three young men representing the Grand Republic of Moontonia, a micronation they established and now govern across several small plots of land in south St. Louis — as well as that one tract of land they claim on the moon.

The idea might sound odd at best, malevolent at worst, but at MicroCon, the Moontonians were among their fellow travelers, or at least fellow imagineers. Think of MicroCon as sort of a United Nations for Americans who’ve laid claim to ordinary plots of land and turned them into their own idiosyncratic nation states.

For these micronation founders, the goal is not splitting from the U.S. or establishing actual sovereignty. Instead, it’s about dreaming up a new nation that coexists with the old one — and with maps, a lexicon and sometimes even a language, having a lot of fun with the idea.

Take Moontonia, a micronation headed up by the Supreme General Commander Grand Sergeant Major Chief Master Sergeant Su-

By Thomas Crone

preme Leader King Iain Turnbull, leader of the Grand Republic of Moontonia, governor of Moonvia. Those allied with Moontonia — like his top lieutenants and MicroCon buds Benjamin Ellis and Matthew Lucy — can refer to him as Supreme Leader, King, Sir or Iain.

In real life, he’s an 18-year-old St. Louis native who lives with his parents and began Moontonia as a fourth-grade school project. The actual assignment didn’t go perfectly, Turnbull acknowledges: “I did mine wrong. I failed to meet one of the criteria.” After reading a book about a kid who created a society based on the watermelon, the class was supposed to make a society based around a different fruit, but Turnbull based his society off “the preservation of nature” as a whole.

Even so, he was off and running, ultimately parlaying an interest in both politics and lunar travel into “something that evolved into a side hobby.”

Moontonia has a web presence, one of the most important elements of any micronation. The well-maintained moontonia.org describes the place as “a sovereign independent micronation. Our currency is the ‘Moon Ruble,’ however, shops will also take USD.

We also hold the unofficial title of the only micronation in St. Louis, Missouri. We strive to let our citi-

zens prosper while also protecting and maintaining nature. We value teamwork, friendship and just plain old fun!”

The smallest state in Moontonia is Ragrad, which is the one not found in south St. Louis but rather on the moon. An uninhabited 10foot by 10-foot area, Ragrad was named after Ra, the sun god. Notes the site, “This state is run by the Commander of Religion and Sciences.” That’d be another friend, Montana Knight, also aged 18.

Moontonia’s other five territories, as noted, are scattered around south city. Turnbull and his two lieutenants work at Clementine’s Naughty & Nice Creamery and are able to chat a bit at work, keeping tabs on their micronational activities around town. One of the states, called Bentonia, is known in many quarters as Benton Park — just the park, not the neighborhood around it. Another is the former Central Visual and Performing Arts High School on Garrison Avenue, which they chose because it looked like a castle and was for sale at the time. Now in private hands (not theirs, alas), they call it the state of Mooncastle.

Turnbull says that “young people bring new ideas” to the micronational movement, adding, “This has been my life’s work for a few years.”

The creation of the term “micronation” is often credited to another young American: Robert Ben Madison, the Mad King of Talossa, who started his own micronation at age 14. It’s true: Midwestern kids with imaginations are at the heart of the micronational movement.

As Atlas Obscura has written about Talossa, “The territory lines of the Kingdom of Talossa started out small, its boundaries encompassing just the bedroom of a 14-year-old Milwaukee boy who had just lost his mother. It was December 26, 1979, when young Robert Ben Madison decided to secede from his country, declaring his bedroom to be the sovereign nation named after the (quite lovely) Finnish word for ‘inside the house.’”

This kind of wholesome stuff is much of the contemporary micronational scene’s backstory, as young people claim a small territory in or around their homes.

In other cases, it’s the heads of a family who declare that they and their kin have micronational status. That’s the case for the Republic of Molossia, which was founded in 1977 and now holds 11.3 acres of land near Dayton, Nevada. That micronation is under the benevolent rule of Kevin Baugh and contains multiple members of his family. They seem to have totally signed onto the idea, with Molossia rocking one of the biggest contingencies at MicroCon.

A total of 133 people were registered at MicroCon’s U.S. outing this year, with 42 micronations represented, augmented by a dozen members of the media. That was a bit of a bump from Continued on pg 16

The supreme leaders of Moontonia, a fictional nation located in and around south St. Louis: Benjamin Ellis, Iain Turnbull and Matthew Lucy. | THOMAS CRONE

Micronationalists are carving out new nation states in St. Louis and across the U.S. They’re small, they’re preposterous and they’re a lot of

MICRONATIONS

Continued from pg 15

last year’s COVID-19-delayed gathering in Las Vegas, but was also small enough that many of the primary events were easily held inside a single ballroom. That said, the hallways nearby also held some life, as registrants set up displays that evoked a middleschool science fair.

While this slender area was a central hub of participant activity, the entire hotel was given over to occasional micronational chatter. In the main lobby, huddled around pots of free coffee, micronationalists riffed on the impact of Latin on the creation of their own individual microlanguages and the dissolution of this kingdom or that principality, these threads of conversation spilling from Reddit or Discord into the IRL realm.

At night, the same groups assembled at the manmade pond out back, having the same conversations as a chorus of frogs sang along to their stories, “regular” hotel guests sneaking glances at the costumes, which ranged from micronational T-shirts to white-

glove formal. Anyone staying at the inn was going to be treated to some MicroCon info — whether they wanted it, or not.

Just like their real-world counterparts, micronations have policies and protocol. Sometimes, they clash — the history of Molossia notes not only its robust recycling program and ban on incandescent lightbulbs but also its three-week war with Mustachistan in the spring of 2006. (After an invasion a few years later, the nation was briefly dubbed Kickassia, but the Molossian government’s successful reinstallation put a halt to that three-day experiment.)

And micronations, too, have athletic programs. Among the unlikeliest things at MicroCon might well be the sports. There’s a full morning of lightly competitive athletics, based on the ideals of the Olympics — the Nemean Games, a name brought back to life from ancient Greek athletics.

About 30 folks gathered in a creekside field in Joliet on the final Friday morning in June for the primary athletic component of MicroCon 2023. Three

events were wed into the morning’s activities, all of them liberally adapted from the official versions.

It turns out that you can hold a shot put competition without the actual tool of the sport, the heavy, metallic, projectable “shot.” Just sub in a tennis ball. You can have a discus contest with only a couple of dog frisbees and some willing throwers. You can run multiple heats of the 50-meter dash if you’ve got enough folks willing to sprint across a pock-marked grassfield, found aside an abandoned tennis court, next to a picture-postcard creek, below a suburban subdivision. At MicroCon all of this was not only possible, but was actually done.

Part of that is thanks to a huge assist from Matthew “Fearless” Salzer. This resident of Lemoore, California, previously spent four years as a wrestler at Missouri Baptist University in St. Louis County and is now among the Nemean Games’ small corps of officials and referees.

Last year, in Las Vegas, the Nemean Games drew only six competitors to a Vegas park on a brutally hot morning. This year,

the heat in Joliet was real, but not as oppressive as in ’22, and just over two dozen athletes took part. And the vice president of the Micronational Olympic Federation was deeply involved in scorekeeping and general wrangling.

That’s one of several titles Salzer enjoys, including his status as baron within the Royal Republic of Ladonia, for which he serves as Minister of Religion, Irreligion and Grappling. (A lifelong wrestler, he’s also helped establish the IRL Sequoia Sumo Club in California.)

“I just want to get across that the micronational community does actually have a history of sports,” he says. “Obviously, we’re all not going to be the most athletic people.” No reason not to play.

The Nemean Games, with its tennis balls and frisbees and sprints, was indeed a bonding experience. A colorful character, Salzer says this year’s Nemean Games “was definitely a step up from where we came from, our humble origins. We had something that ballooned into what’s beyond anything I could have possibly imagined.”

And speaking of imagination …

Continued on pg 19

Molossia is a family-led micronation going strong in its fourth decade. | THOMAS CRONE

Supreme General Commander Grand Sergeant Major Chief Master Sergeant Supreme Leader King Iain Turnbull, leader of the Grand Republic of Moontonia, shows off his brass. | THOMAS CRONE

MICRONATIONS

Continued from pg 16

Princept Anna I of the Circle of Belmoor notes that their micronation, based in Columbia, Missouri, was very much an outgrowth of the pandemic, a classic COVID-19 idea that grew into, you know, a real thing. To the point that Anna I, a “former theater kid” (known as Anna Ralls-Ulrich in normie circles), was invited to speak at MicroCon, laying down a solid summation of the role of ceremony with the micronationalism movement. Organized and thorough, Anna I’s lecture showed an affable personality engaging with a topic that’s

still new to them.

The Circle’s website (circlebelmoor.wixsite.com/website) instructs, “The Incorporeal Principality of the Circle of Belmoor is a micronation founded in 2020. Based around shared values and community care rather than a land claim, Belmoor exists to promote equality and community to its citizens. The Writ of Belmoor was signed on September 5, 2020. This national holiday is now known as Circlemas.” The website further states — in a refreshing bit of candid reality — that “all citizenship in the Circle of Belmoor is dual citizenship in conjunction with the citizenship of the physical macronations in which its citizens reside. The Circle of Belmoor

exists in supplement to, and not in replacement of, the physical nations in which citizens reside.”

Ralls-Ulrich began her research at the dawn of the pandemic. Midway through the year, she’d learned enough to cook up the idea of the Circle of Belmoor, influenced as much by cinema as by already existing micronations. Even so, as other micronations came to the newly crowned Princept Anna I’s attention, they were key in creating a more fixed, formal notion of what the Circle might be all about.

Thinking back, Princept Anna I says, “I was, like, ‘OK, well, the first thing we need is our founding document. So I looked up a bunch of other major nations, kind of what their founding documents

What Micronations Are (Typically) Not

If you are a person who likes to study geography, you might come across names on the map that suggest micronational status. Europe, alone, claims places like Andorra, Lichtenstein, Vatican City, Monaco. They’re recognized by international bodies such as the United Nations. They are, yes, nations, just very small ones.

Assuming these places are part of the micronational movement is somewhat understandable. They’re micro, they’re nations. But they’re real, true, tiny places on a map with full recognition around the world. This is one mild inaccuracy in the way the general public views micronations.

Another is that micronations are born by people with major bones to pick with the government that surrounds them. True, a big part of micronationalism has to do with establishing a core identity outside of the

host nation state’s norm. But American splinter/protest groups like the Branch Davidians and the Bundys of Nevada aren’t playing the same game.

For the Free Press, reporter Adam Popescu recently profiled “Texians,” citizens of the Republic of Texas who are finding community in something of a statewithin-the-state. They, too, recently held a conference.

Popescu wrote in that July 3 piece, “Men of No Country,” that the Republic of Texas is “a sovereign citizen group that’s been around since the mid1990s and claims to have around 10,000 members. The FBI estimates there are around 300,000 U.S. citizens who claim no allegiance to the elected government in any form — and their numbers are rising. For some members of the Republic, their goal is to meet and vent at town halls. … Others want a full secession. In the meantime, they’re busy

looked like. I found templates online, and then I obviously did a lot of modifications.”

With The Princess Diaries as a notable influence, the Circle’s definitely been about the flash and sizzle of its royal elements, incorporating things “like titles, awards, nobility, stuff like that. In our early months, it was all about brainstorming it out.”

That said, there’s also a serious effort to incorporate inclusion through LGBTQ+ verbiage, diverse citizenship and a general notion of goodwill, as “we’re focused specifically in mutual aid, community care.”

Anna I works in real estate as a day job, but the micronational

Continued on pg 20

figuring out how to disobey the courts, avoid taxes, and generally find ways to circumvent the U.S. government.”

Again, this is not modern micronationalism, per se, though some minor states may take on this type of breakaway, secessionist language.

What is notable is that a host of micronations are headed up by former members of the U.S. military, and there’s a definite sense of militarism that runs through some of the younger members’ micronations, with epaulets on many a military-styled jacket at MicroCon. But there’s not an implicit sense that any of these folks would engage in actual gunplay with the jurisdictions that surround their micronation.

Walking through MicroCon, you can’t help but wonder if someone there — be they dressed to the nines in political cosplay or fitting in more subtly — is representing the goals of the greater state, just there to low-key keep tabs on the MicroCon community.

Princept Anna I of the Circle of Belmoor founded her micronation as a pandemic project in 2020. | THOMAS CRONE

A former wrestler at Missouri Baptist University, Matthew Salzer helps facilitate the Olympic-style Nemean Games that allow micronation to compete against micronation. | THOMAS CRONE

MICRONATIONS

Continued from pg 19

aspect of their life stays central. MicroCon was a way to establish some real-world interactions with folks who otherwise might have only been names on a screen.

“The goal was to meet people and make more friends, and I’m definitely doing that,” they say. “You know, because for most of us, this is not a job. It’s not for me, as well. I mean, I’ve got my day job, I’ve got my double life as a writer. And then, because writing doesn’t pay the bills, I’ve got this, which I guess would fall under ‘hobbies.’”

Anna I guesses that they spent from 50 to 100 hours on things like the website, speech prep for the MicroCon address and other odds and ends to a pandemic project that continues to thrive. Not all of their friends are hip to what micronationalism is about, but that’s where events like MicroCon come in. You have an idea. You execute the idea. You discuss it online. And once every two years, you come together to compare notes, to hash out ideals, to engage in some relaxed diplomacy in the pastel hallways of a Holiday Inn in Joliet, Illinois.

Sometimes, you even get to level up, sharing your mission and ideas of best practices with everyone in the whole community.

Anna I was able to knock their speech outta the proverbial park. The address may spur more activities for the micronation, which has paused a bit after its hot start in 2020. MicroCon’s mighty wind is likely going to help propel the micronation for a bit. But there’s no end game, per se; it’s all about the experience, the enjoyment, the education.

“The process,” says Anna I, “is the product.” n

SHOW-ME MICRONATIONS

Searching for micronations can be a bit of a daunting task, as these places can come and go without much fanfare, leaving nothing more than a trail of years-old Reddit mentions in their wake. The site micronations. wiki suggests that Missouri’s micronational community features more defunct and inactive communities than live ones, despite the state’s representation at MicroCon.

Some of the names might indicate the general political vibe of those lost-to-the-ages places: the Federation of Secundomian Socialist Republics, the Democratic People’s Republic of Kirkland, the People’s Republic of Domolica, the Socialist Republic of Kinderia.

One state, Ethosia, reportedly active in the Ozarks, is “home to a majority German/Anglo population with

many of its inhabitants able to accurately trace their ancestry to Germany and England.”

An entry from micronations.wiki shows the internal political fissures that can break out in the micronational world: “Ethosians would find hope in the month of December 2020 when the original leader, Gabriel Sebastian, was granted the position of governor in the Federation of American States, a micronation dedicated to a reformed America. Sebastian worked hard with the government to recognize Ethosians and Ethosian lands as ethnic territories but to no avail. Sebastian would run for president against the nation’s founder, Gabriel Hackman. Hackman would go on to purposely lie to the public and submit fraudulent reports after Sebastian was taking the lead in key states. Once

news got out, Sebastian and his government in Missouri declared independence on the 15th of December 2020 from the Federation on the basis that Ethosia was a rightfully independent group that deserved self rule from the tyranny of President Hackman. The Federation and Ethosia to this day have conflicted ties with each other.” Wild!

Notable here, too, is that micronations often offer citizenship to people from anywhere in the world, sometimes even offering royal titles for a bit of extra coin. So there’s no exact way to say how many people in Missouri might be a citizen of places hither and yon. At least dozens? Almost certainly. Hundreds? Probably. Thousands? Maybe barely.

Just know that someone playing chess at your local coffeehouse might just be a micronationalist, a quiet member of a unique subgroup of the world’s citizens.

You might think of MicroCon as sort of like Model U.N. for people with big imaginations. | THOMAS CRONE

The Nemean Games included competitions in shot put (a.k.a. a tennis ball) and discus (a frisbee) as well as a 50-meter dash. | THOMAS CRONE

CALENDAR

BY RIVERFRONT TIMES STAFF

THURSDAY 07/27

Feed Me, Seymour

The cult classic play Little Shop of Horrors plants its roots this summer at the Muny (1 Theatre Drive, 314-361-1900). The musical tells the tale of a skid row floral shop — occupied by Seymour, a meek clerk smitten with his coworker — that takes a turn towards the gaudy when an unusual plant starts pulling profit. While everything seems to be coming up roses, this bud has a thorn — the plant has an insatiable appetite for human blood. Seymour, entrapped by his desire to keep generating revenue and impressing his coworker, goes to extreme lengths to feed the bloodthirsty botanical. What will this carnivorous plant sink its teeth into next? Check out the “comedy worth dying for” each night this week through Monday, July 31, with performances starting at 8:15 p.m. Tickets and more info at muny.org.

Down with Dolphins

The Discovery Channel celebrates Shark Week this month — and more importantly for our purposes, so does the St. Louis Aquarium (201 South 18th Street, 314-9233900). This week, through Sunday, July 30, celebrate mankind’s favorite dead-eyed maritime teeth factories by heading over to the aquarium to touch a shark in the Touch Pool. Kids can make a shark hat and walk the rope bridge across the top of Shark Canyon, which shakes as you cross the 250,000-gallon shark habitat. (Don’t worry; they’ll probably be fine.) All this and more, and all in the name of nature’s wettest murderers. The St. Louis Aquarium is open Sunday through Thursday from 9 a.m. to 5 p.m., with extended hours until 8 p.m. on Fridays and Saturdays. Tickets are $18.57 to $32. For more info, visit stlouisaquarium.com.

Circus of Horrors

When an event’s website has an immediate bright red warning against the prying eyes of minors, you just know that it’s go-

ing to be good. So it is with the Paranormal Cirque by Cirque Italia, an undertaking that is so “wicked, dangerous and sexy” that no one under 13 will be admitted, and those under 18 must be accompanied by a parent or guardian. The Paranormal Cirque promises a thrilling experience that will expose viewers to a macabre combination of theater, circus and cabaret, but with “European-style” flair. Whatever that means, it’s apparently not fit for young ones. Interestingly, the show is taking place at the St. Louis Galleria (1155 St. Louis Galleria Street, 314-571-7000), so you may wonder, “How scary could something be if it’s at a mall?” Never (or maybe “ever”) fear: Reviews of past Paranormal Cirque performances say the experience is truly frightening — attendees even have to navigate a maze just to find their seats. The show runs from Thursday, July 27, through Sunday, July 30, and showtimes vary. Ticket prices range from $15 to $60. For more information, visit paranormalcirque.com.

FRIDAY 07/28 Fest On

St. Louis’ finest festival featuring barbecue, whiskey and live music is returning to Maplewood. Presented by the Riverfront Times in partnership with Schlafly Beer, the second annual Pig & Whiskey Festival will feature barbecue samples from a host of local heavy hitters, as well as three days of national and local acts, including Murphy Lee and Kyjuan from the St. Lunatics, Bone ThugsN-Harmony, Grace Potter, 40 Oz to Freedom and Everclear. Parents: No need to get a sitter for this one. The kid-friendly festival even features a kids area, along with cooling zones and a vendor village. The fun runs from 4 to 10 p.m. on Friday, July 28, noon to 10 p.m. on Saturday, July 29, and Noon to 7 p.m. on Sunday, July 30, at Schlafly Bottleworks (7260 Southwest Avenue, Maplewood; 314-241-2337). Tickets are free, but VIP tickets ($100 and up) will get you access

to an open bar, free appetizers, better views of the stage and even meet and greets with the performers. More information and tickets at pigandwhiskey.com.

Furry Friends

If you’re feline frisky this weekend, get your tail over to the St. Louis Area Cat Show. Running from Friday, July 28, through Sunday, July 30, at the Purina Farms Event Center (300 Checkerboard Loop; Gray Summit; 314-982-3232) this kitty party will have more than 100 cats on display. Representing more than 60 breeds, these four-legged furballs will be competing to see who is the prettiest and who is the most talented. Get a close-up look at all of your favorites, including Japanese Bobtails, Persians, Devon Rexes, Rag Dolls, Maine Coons and more. Tickets for Saturday and Sunday cost $8 for adults, but on Friday all ages can get in for $5 from 3 p.m. until 8 p.m. All kids four and under get in for free, and the first 50 kids through the door get a free coloring book. And don’t

Pig & Whiskey Festival returns to the Schafly Bottleworks this weekend. | MAX BOUVATTE

forget your wallet, as there will be plenty of cat-themed goodies to buy at the Meow Mall, too. Visit tinyurl.com/28y8pnay for more info.

SATURDAY 07/29

Succ ’Em Down

Cacti and succulents might be the perfect plants. If you’re a beginner to gardening this is doubly true, because they are generally low-maintenance plants that don’t require much attention besides adequate sunshine and not too much water. If you’re advanced, well, you can get wild with the box-shaped Pseudolithos cubiformis, or a spiral aloe, or one of the other unique offerings that can be found at the Henry Shaw Cactus and Succulent Society Show and Sale, held at the Jost Event Center (8195 Lackland Road, Overland; 314-919-1800). Society members will be showing crazy succulents from around the globe, many of which you won’t come by anywhere else. For be-

ginners or advanced growers, there will also be a plant sale with both easy-to-grow specimens and more unusual ones. But no matter what you purchase, the ven-

dor will have a care sheet to send home with you. The show runs from 9 a.m. to 5 p.m. on Saturday, July 29, and 9 a.m. to 4 p.m. on Sunday, July 30. For more details,

WEEK OF JULY 27-AUGUST 2

check out hscactus.org/events/ show-sale.

They’re Grrreat

What does a tiger celebrating its own special day look like? No idea, but you can find out for yourself on International Tiger Day at the Crown Ridge Tiger Sanctuary (19620 Crown Ridge, Ste. Genevieve; 573-883-9909). The celebration will feature food, games, facepainting, and, of course, our big, striped, Frosted-Flake-peddling friends. Have you always wanted to meet a tiger keeper? This Saturday, July 29, from 10 a.m. to 2 p.m. is the purrfect time. Best of all, 100 percent of the proceeds go to the Global Federation of Animal Welfare-approved sanctuary’s mission to care for the big cats. Tickets are $10 each, and kids ages three and below get in free. More info at crownridgetigers.com.

TUESDAY 08/01

An Odd Abusing of God’s Patience

Does The Merry Wives of Windsor work as a 1990s-style sitcom with doltish husbands who have wisecracking, out-of-their-league spouses? You bet your Falstaff! The conceit behind St. Louis Shakespeare Festival’s new production is so brilliant, the only reasonable reaction is to be mad you didn’t think of it first. Veteran St. Louis director Suki Peters guides a cast of six in a madcap 90-minute version of the classic circa-1602 comedy. Actor Carl Overly Jr., whom you may remember as Cornwall in the festival’s widely acclaimed 2021 production of King Lear, takes on the Kevin James/Falstaff role. And, like any good sitcom, it’s totally free. Performances begin at 6:30 p.m. every Tuesday through Sunday from August 1 to August 27, and staging includes no less than 24 parks across the metro — so something is bound to be convenient. The kickoff show on Tuesday, August 1, takes place at the corner of Cherokee Street and Texas Avenue. See stlshakes. org/calendar for 23 more al fresco options. n

Get low-maintenance plants at the Henry Shaw Cactus and Succulent Society Show and Sale on Saturday. | COURTESY PHOTO

See a pretty kitty at the St. Louis Area Cat Show. | VIA FLICKR / NICKOLAS TITKOV

Sweet and Savory

Crepes and Treats displays Saul Juarez’s remarkable talent with both pastries and crepes on Cherokee Street

Written by CHERYL BAEHR

Crepes and Treats 2752 Cherokee Street, 314-354-8098. Thurs.-Fri. 10 a.m.-6 p.m.; Sat-Sun. 9 a.m.-6 p.m. (Closed Mon.-Wed.)

We would likely not be discussing Saul Juarez’s delightful Cherokee Street cafe, Crepes and Treats, were it not for a high school cooking instructor who refused to take no for an answer when Juarez tried to drop her class.

It wasn’t because he lacked interest — quite the contrary. Having immigrated to the U.S. from Mexico roughly a year and a half before he was slated to graduate, Juarez had a significant number of transfer credits that allowed him to fill his schedule with electives he found interesting. Cooking was at the top of that list, but when his guidance counselor realized that he was missing some required courses, he had no choice but to withdraw from the class. His instructor protested, but then relented — or so it seemed. The next day, the counselor informed Juarez the conflict had been taken care of. Confused, he returned to his cooking class and was greeted by his teacher, who asked, “What? You don’t think I was going to let you go, did you?”

Juarez was both humbled and thrilled that his culinary instructor saw something inside him, but he wasn’t all that surprised. As long as he can remember, he’s been passionate about baking, an interest that was sparked when he began helping out at a family friend’s bakery at age six. Not tall enough to reach the prep counter, he stacked four-by-fours on top of each other to gain enough height to help out, and he continued taking every opportunity he

could find to work in the business throughout his youth and into his high school years.

After that vote of confidence from his high school teacher, Juarez was inspired to pursue culinary studies, first at community college in southern California and eventually at the Culinary Institute of America’s Napa Valley campus. This led to a career as a pastry chef with the Four Seasons Hotel brand, a chocolate stage in Spain and then back to the Four Seasons, which transferred him to its property in downtown St. Louis. There, Juarez worked at the hotel’s then-restaurant, Cielo, until it changed concepts, and he left to help open the Angad Arts Hotel’s now-shuttered Grand Tavern by David Burke, where he worked until March of 2020.

Like most of his peers, Juarez found himself out of work when the pandemic hit. He found work with McArthur’s Bakery and helped open its sister restaurant, Pioneer Bakery, and though he was happy with the stable work during such an unstable time, he couldn’t shake the feeling that it was time to branch out on his own. He knew he wanted to show St. Louis his depth of pastry expe-

rience but decided to start small with a creperie as a way to introduce himself to his adopted hometown. In the summer of 2021, he and his wife launched Crepes and Treats inside Dutchtown’s Urban Eats incubator, where they gained enough of a following to graduate to their own storefront.

That standalone location opened in the heart of Cherokee Street this past May. For Juarez,

the decision to plant his flag on a street associated with Latin cuisine and culture was intentional. In his words, he wanted to show that a Mexican American chef is capable of making more than tacos — not that there’s anything wrong with opening a taqueria. He simply sees tacos as one of a myriad of things he and his fellow Central American culinarians are not only capable of preparing, but do every day as the backbone of U.S. kitchens. For him, Crepes and Treats is not only a passion project and business endeavor; it’s a pronouncement.

And what a pronouncement it is. From the moment you step into Juarez’s small storefront and eye the delicacies that adorn his pastry case, you understand his skill. Though the counter-service cafe is simple — gray-blue walls, black wooden tables and nondescript artwork — the pastries make a powerful impression. Inch-thick chocolate chip cookies, which Juarez cooks in a mold, could be mistaken for round blondies. Not only do they impress with their thickness, they are also a masterwork in incorporating chocolate into the batter. Juarez lay-

Continued on pg 26

Crepes and Treats features sweet and savory crepes, baked goods and more on Cherokee Street. | MABEL SUEN

Saul Juarez is the chef-owner. | MABEL SUEN

CREPES AND TREATS

Continued from pg 25

ers hunks of dark chocolate as if he’s making a laminated pain au chocolat, making each bite an embarrassment of chocolate riches that remain molten even at room temperature, thanks to his generous use of butter. Alongside the cookie, a cheesecake is so rich and delicate it practically jiggles in the case with the vibration of nearby foot steps. This luxurious, silken masterpiece of the form, accented simply with vanilla, baked with a graham cracker crust and cut into a square, is like a high-end version of the decadent no-bake varieties of my youth.

The heart of Juarez’s operation, however, is the creperie, where Juarez translates his pastry prowess into delicious sweet and savory offerings. The apple pie crepe, for instance, shows a chef’s touch thanks to its cubed apples, which are gently softened but remain firm enough to hold up and provide texture to the dish. A cinnamon brown sugar glaze coats the fruit, which is both stuffed inside the crepe and placed atop it, giving each forkful the taste of classic apple pie. The cookiesand-cream crepe is equally wellexecuted, though infinitely more decadent thanks to Juarez’s liberal use of thick, sweet pastry cream.

Crushed-up chocolate chip cookies are folded into the cream and spread on the dough as it cooks, then folded together so that each layer of the crepe contains the concoction. If you have a raging sweet tooth, this is the go-to order.

I preferred the balance of the strawberry and dulce de leche, which pairs peak-of-the-season berries with the sweet, caramellike sauce. The acidity of the sliced

fruit cuts through the sweetness of the dulce de leche, giving the dish the taste of a caramel-covered strawberry. Another favorite, the cinnamon roll crepe, stood out both for its cinnamon- and sugarinfused cream cheese and Juarez’s impressive handiwork fashioning the crepe into the coiled shape of an actual cinnamon roll.

His savory offerings also impress. The BB represents the classic creperie pairing of thinlyshaved Black Forest ham and rich brie cheese. Tart berry sauce drizzled atop the crepe gives the dish a wonderful sweet-and-savory

taste. The caprese crepe is an especially delicious standout. Here, thick slices of fresh mozzarella cheese are folded into a crepe as it cooks so they melt slightly; Juarez then tops the crepe with the fresh mozzarella, juicy tomatoes and a mouthwatering pesto that ties the flavors together with a verdant, garlicky snap.

Perhaps Juarez’s most impressive offering is his Choricrepe, which serves as a delectable hybrid of his Mexican background and French pastry training. Mild Mexican chorizo and scrambled eggs are cooked together, then

folded inside the crepe along with vinegary hot sauce. It’s the perfect marriage of a crepe and a breakfast burrito — a nod to where Juarez is from, where he’s been and how he became the chef he is today.

His talent has long been evident to the people who worked with him along the way; today, it’s clear to all of us who get to eat his wonderful food. n

The mango and passionfruit mousse has a brownie in the center. | MABEL SUEN

The cinnamon roll is covered with chocolate and caramel sauce. | MABEL SUEN

Chef-owner Saul Juarez makes magic in the kitchen. | MABEL SUEN

SHORT ORDERS

SpanishInspired, Chef-Driven

Idol Wolf, the new restaurant and bar at 21c Museum Hotel St. Louis, opened July 25

Written by JESSICA ROGEN

The bar at the new Idol Wolf in the forthcoming 21c Museum Hotel St. Louis (1528 Locust Street, 21cmuseumhotels.com/stlouis) is bright and airy with a semi-circular bar and gleaming bottles. It feels exceedingly modern and fresh, and a vertical brick design under the bar extends into the dining room. Here, lower curved ceilings make for a more intimate experience.

The setup feels a little old world and a bit like an upscale wine cellar, which makes perfect sense when considering Idol Wolf aims to fill a hole in the St. Louis dining scene as a Spanish-inspired, chefdriven concept headed up by Executive Chef Matthew Daughaday, formerly of Juniper, Reed’s American Table and Niche.

“There’s a lot of history to Spain and St. Louis and the origins of St. Louis,” Daughaday says. “So it makes sense from a historical standpoint, in telling the kind of history of St. Louis, I think it fits in there nicely. It’s some of the best food in the world.”

Idol Wolf, which began taking reservations for dinner on July 25, aims to provide a sharable eating experience. There is seating for 100 guests in the dining room as well as a private-events space and a billiards lounge that will have its own small bites menu. The main menu, Daughaday explains, combines larger plates that are meant to be substantial enough to serve as a meal by themselves with the smaller tapas with which diners might already have experience.

The dishes utilize both fresh lo-

cal ingredients and some imported from Spain, such as soppressata, chorizo and even fire-roasted tomatoes. Seafood, more than anything else, dominates the menu, and Daughaday points to the grilled octopus — served with potato presse, chorizo spice, herbs and lemon aioli — as a particular favorite.

“I spent a lot of time on how to get octopus nice and tender,” he says. “It has this kind of smoked paprika rub on it … I made it kind of unique to us.”

There are also snacks, such as fried Marcona almonds or pan con tomate; meat-based tapas, such as beef cheek empanadas; and significant vegetable-based offerings, such as watermelon gazpacho, patatas bravas and “chorizo” roasted hen of the woods.

The latter is served with chorizospiced butter and smoked aioli on an arepa. Daughaday describes how it is basted in the same spices

as chorizo (though there is no sausage involved).

“It takes on flavor really well,” he says.

Idol Wolf’s food offerings are meant to be approachable, giving diners an introduction to exciting Iberian cuisine. That’s balanced with a bar and coffee program. Director of Food & Beverage Dylan Rauhoff explains that the bar menu includes drinks that feature plenty of nods to Daughaday’s food menu, Spanish drinks and classic drinks made with Spanish liquors, like a Ximenez (a Spanish wine grape) old fashioned that’s sweetened with Ximenez sherry.

“Determining how these spaces each interact, the three different experiences you have at Idol Wolf — the dining room, the lounge, billiards room — just creating from that has been a lot of fun,” Rauhoff says.

Both Rauhoff and Daughaday

came on at Idol Wolf in September last year. Since then, both say they’ve been refining the concept for the restaurant, doing research, developing the space’s aesthetic and everything else that one needs to do to get a restaurant ready to open.

Rauhoff describes it as a steady effort, but one that was fun and defined by the “great team” that has been put together, which includes Chef de Cuisine Jonathan Duffe.

Idol Wolf will eventually also open for brunch and another concept, Good Press, a cafe, will open in the hotel on August 8.

“It’s been great,” Rauhoff says. “It’s been an exciting process.”

“I just look forward to people coming down here,” Daughaday adds. “It’s a perfect place in time for downtown St. Louis.”

The menu at Idol Wolf is Spanish-inspired and seafood forward. | BRADEN MCMAKIN

Matthew Daughaday is the executive chef at Idol Wolf. | BRADEN MCMAKIN

The drinks menu contains nods to the food menu crafted by Daughaday. | BRADEN MCMAKIN

A ‘Food Revolution’

The founders of Nature’s Bakery announce an initiative to address food inequity in St. Louis

Written by MONICA OBRADOVIC

More than 18 percent of St. Louisarea residents live in a food desert, according to the USDA. A new initiative hopes to change that.

Food City, by the family that founded Nature’s Bakery, will work to create a more inclusive, sustainable food ecosystem in the St. Louis area by supporting a diverse range of nonprofits and stakeholders including farmers, youth and workers who want to build a career in food.

It’s part of the Serving Our Communities Foundation launched by the Marson family, the former owners of Nature’s Bakery who sold the snack brand to KIND in 2020. Since then, the Marsons have geared more toward improving the communities where their former brand operates, including St. Louis.

Food City will launch August 1 with a rallying cry of “food for all,” Jan Marson says. A grant competition will kick off the initiative with up to $150,000 available to packaged food brands owned by underrepresented founders. Awardees will participate in an accelerator program with mentorship and receive access to manufacturing facilities and equipment.

But first and foremost, the leaders behind Food City just want to listen to the St. Louis community to discover what the most dire food equity needs are, according to Darren Jackson, executive operations director of Serving Our Communities.

The initiative plans to survey St. Louisarea residents and underrepresented food entrepreneurs on what barriers they face in finding the food they need or what hampers their paths to success.

“We really look at this as a regional opportunity for St. Louis where we can step in and start to serve and meet the needs of those working in the food industry — from education and farming and gardening, all the way up to entrepreneurship,” Jackson says.

Jackson came to know the Marsons through his work with Mission: St. Louis where he helped people transition out of prison. His work there involved workforce development, and he heard positive reviews about working at Nature’s Bakery’s

Darren

facility in Hazelwood. He eventually met Marson and her husband, Dave Marson, and they started working together.

“It’s been really cool to find the right partners to bring not just beauty to the community but to serve alongside and develop leaders,” Jackson says.

Jan Marson had to learn business the hard way. She was an occupational scien-

[FOOD NEWS]

PuraVegan Kitchen Closes

The last day of operations was July 25

Written by ROSALIND

EARLY

PuraVegan Kitchen announced last week that it would be closing its doors. There will be a store closing sale on Saturday, August 5.

Monica Stoutenborough shared the news on Facebook, explaining that when the cafe opened in 2012, it made headlines for serving not just vegan food, but raw food. She had to teach customers how to pronounce vegan. Stoutenborough operated PuraVegan as a cafe that also offered yoga, meditation, and cooking and nutrition classes. There were sound healing sessions, art workshops and metaphysical shopping.

When she started PuraVegan, Stoutenborough assumed it would be a few years of hard work before things could run smoothly without her. “I sure was wrong! Just when you think things are set up operating smoothly, things

tist before she and her family started Nature’s Bakery, and knew much more about the human brain than packaged snacks.

It wasn’t smooth sailing in the beginning. Marson recalls that she didn’t know the “very basic concept” of what CPG, or consumer packaged goods, were at her first board meeting. “I had to look it up on my phone real quick,” she says. “I really came in not knowing what I didn’t know. I have the greatest respect now for food and how it’s made.”

But Marson “learned by doing,” she says. Nature’s Bakery sells baked fig bars and sold for a reported $400 million to KIND, a Mars company, while Marson was chairwoman and CEO.

People came into Marson’s life who put her in the right direction, she says. Food City aims to provide the same mentorship that Marson found in her own career.

St. Louis is ripe with potential, Marson, a Nevada native, says. It’s her adopted city and where she hopes to start a “food-manufacturing revolution.”

“Who knows once we start having these conversations where that can go,” Marson says. n

happen, key employees move on, refrigerators full of desserts break down, pipes burst in apartments overhead, and I could just keep going on and on and on,” she wrote.

After eight years of working more than 80 hours a week, the pandemic hit and gave Stoutenborough a new perspective. “The cafe hours were drastically reduced & service was limited to comply with mandates. In exchange for what I lost, I got a sweet taste of having time with my family again. It quickly became clear to me that I would never give up that family time again.”

Stoutenborough changed PuraVegan into a meal- and drink-prep service that delivers directly to clients.

That shift, which happened in 2021, was a positive one, according to Stoutenborough. Then came the time to renew her lease on the cafe space and commercial kitchen, and Stoutenborough decided she wants to move on.

“After years of developing recipes and classes, I am closing to focus on new opportunities. I have some ideas mulling around, so if you’re interested stay tuned or join the email list at puravegan.com.”

She says that St. Louis vegans are in good hands, though. “Now you don’t have to look hard or far to find plant based food, as it’s available in every single grocery store — plus there are loads of incredible dining options! Humans of St. Louis and the world are embracing plant-based food, and I love it!” n

CHERYL BAEHR’S BAGEL PICKS

Eight months ago, if you would have asked around for where to get a bagel in St. Louis, you would have received not a recommendation, but the lamentation, “Nowhere. Bagel Factory closed.” Seemingly overnight, this changed as several concepts that had been working themselves out for the past few years finally came to fruition. These five represent the best of our current bagel game — no bread-slicing allowed.

Bagel Union

When it comes to bread, Sean Netzer and Ted Wilson can do no wrong. First, they gave us the outstanding Union Loafers, and now, they are among the leaders of St. Louis’ current bagel movement with their excellent Webster Groves shop, Bagel Union.

Lefty’s Bagels

What started out as an at-home project by brothers-in-law Doug Goldenberg and Scott “Lefty” Lefton has resulted in the excellent Lefty’s Bagels, whose key identifier is the subtle sweetness when you bite into this chewy, New York-style specimen.

Deli Divine

Owner Ben Poremba wanted Deli Divine to be a deli, not a bakery, so he outsourced production to the only place he could do so to create a traditional, New York Jewish deli experience: the Big Apple. The bagels are parbaked, finished at Deli Divine and topped with accoutrements.

C&B Boiled Bagels

Owners Matt and Amy Herren hope C&B Boiled Bagels will be the go-to bagel wholesaler for St. Louis-area restaurants. For now, you can get their excellent wares at their Wood River storefront.

Meshuggah Cafe

Beloved Delmar Loop coffee shop

Meshuggah Cafe uses bagels from Companion as a perfectly respectable canvas for delicious toppings, including cream cheese and verdant pesto.

Jackson, executive operations director of Serving Our Communities, says Food City seeks to support underrepresented food entrepreneurs. | COURTESY TYLER SMALL

REEFERFRONT TIMES

A Taste of Outer Space

STL Space Treats will take you on a delicious high

Written by ROSALIND EARLY

Jermasa Dees, 37, started STL Space Treats, an infused treat company, out of necessity. “I had already dipped my little pinky toe in it,” she says about making edibles. But when COVID-19 hit, she realized she would need to focus more on her burgeoning side hustle.

At the time, Dees was a general manager at a vegan bakery that closed temporarily due to the pandemic. Dees needed income and acted fast.

“I just was playing around,” she says. “I didn’t know what I was doing. I started getting good feedback, and then when my back was against the wall, I needed to sink or swim. Either I’m going to do it or not. So I took a chance on me.”

Dees already had a customer base. She made cakes privately for clients (and still does if you want to try her non-infused baked goods). “I can do that in my sleep, make a cake with no problem,” she says.

But when it came to infusing treats, she wasn’t so confident. She started with brownies. “The reason it was brownies was because someone [I knew] bought some vegan, infused brownies, and they were not baked all the way. They were raw.” Dees knew that she could make something better than that.

“That’s what lit a fire under my ass for real,” she says.

Still, Dees needed to learn a bit more about infusing and wanted to find a product that had a longer shelf-life than brownies. She started studying how to make candy and says that having the free time during the pandemic helped her develop her skills and build her business.

“If we would have never went through that pandemic, I would have never picked Space Treats back up,” she says.

Now, Dees can create all kinds of foods infused with THC, Delta-8 or CBD. She can do low-dose or highdose treats. (We tried her 50 mg THC gummy, and it was a knock out in more ways than one.) She can also cater to any diet. Her treats run the gamut from standard diet to gluten-free to vegan. And not everything has to be a dessert; she is also known for her infused fried rice.

“You can infuse anything,” she says. “You can infuse juice. You can infuse alcohol.”

Dees is able to take on clients because she has a caregiver license.

“I get clients daily,” Dees says. “Some of these clients make me cry. Some people call me and say they have an uncle going through stage 3 chemo, and [my] gummies are the only thing that soothes him.”

One of Dees’ earliest clients was her own 84-year-old grandmother, who deals with chronic pain. For her, Dees makes infused Cheez-It-style crackers. “I just love

how what I’m doing is helping people,” Dees says. “It’s not even about the money.”

Dees’ success has gotten her noticed by none other than weed-enthusiast Afroman. For New Years Eve, STL Space Treats was asked to cater the VIP lounge at Broadway Boat Bar. The Lounge’s concept was that it was all infused food. Dees brought her fried rice, and everyone loved it, and it led to more bookings for STL Space Treats.

When she was starting out, Dees did events around Missouri to promote her product. “Now it’s to a point where people contact me,” she says. Despite the growing popularity, STL Space Treats is still just a team of one. (Though Dees’ boyfriend helps.)

She rents out space in a commercial kitchen where she creates the treats. She packages them herself and takes them to events or delivers them to clients. She’s always grateful when her boyfriend can come along to an event, otherwise it’s difficult to even take a bathroom break. Dees would love to be able to add employees and a business mentor, but her biggest frustration is with social media.

“It’s harder to advertise my company because you get blocked,” she says. The social media companies will flag her for offering infused products, despite Dees being careful in her wording and photo selection. “Every two days, I’m waking up to something that says you are banned, you can’t do this,” she says. “It can be something as simple as a flier. I hate that cannabis is so taboo. This is from the Earth. I’m not selling you crack.”

Despite the issues, including trouble finding a bank, Dees loves what she does. She co-hosts Galactic Wednesdays every week from 6 p.m. to 9 p.m. with Rooted Buds, where she offers her fried rice and other infused foods. The event includes networking and games. Visit @stlspacetreats on Instagram for more information.

The event has grown an audience, and Dees calls it a calm and relaxing atmosphere. She hopes one day to open a store or to see her stuff in dispensaries across Missouri. “I’m going to see what happens with that,” she says. “The only way I’m going to get it is if I try.”

Jermasa Dees started concentrating on building her company STL Space Treats during the pandemic. | BRADEN MCMAKIN

[VIDEO GAME REVOLUTION]

The First in 33 Years

St. Louis game developer makes a new game for the Atari VCS

Written by ROSALIND EARLY

An independent game studio in St. Louis has created a new game for a very old console.

Graphite Lab, an independent gaming studio headquartered at Maryville University, has a new game, Mr. Run and Jump, coming out at the end of this month. It will be released in all the places you expect — Xbox One, Nintendo Switch, Playstation 4 and 5 — but you can also pick up an old-school cartridge and play it on your Atari 2600 Video Computer System. The Atari VCS, as it’s called, was created in 1977 and was among the first homegaming consoles. At the time, most people went to the arcade to play video games. The VCS was famous for games such as Space Invaders, which look like stone-age technology today. During its heyday in the early ’80s, the company bought Pac-Man,

[COMEDY]

Dirty Talk

CULTURE 35

Written by NINA GIRALDO

For Zach Towers, growing up queer in a religious household in Missouri predestined his own sex life to be … a journey, to put it nicely. Today, Towers hopes to make conversations around sex more accessible to those who need it. That’s why the St. Louis-born comedian, writer and actor started After Hours with Zach Noe Towers on Sirius XM, a new sex-positive talk show that premiered on June 15 on the Netflix Is a Joke Radio station.

After Hours creates a space for everyone to laugh at sex, Towers says. He

but Atari lost ground to Nintendo and stopped making the console in 1992.

Still, it remains a classic console among gamers. Graphite Lab engineer John Mikula wanted to see if he could code a game for the old system. It was a passion project, says Matt Raithel, owner of Graphite Lab.

“As an engineer with lots of respect for the craft, he wanted to see what it was like to make games for a console that started our industry,” Raithel explains. “He saw it as a challenge, kind of like climbing … the first mountain ever climbed.”

brings on comedians as guests including Billy Wayne Davis, Bob the Drag Queen, Dave Merheje, Steph Tolev and Taylor Tomlinson.

“We bring sex out of a shameful space and into a lighthearted place where people can share stories and commiserate on what a roller coaster sex can be,” Towers says. “We definitely do not shy away from any topic.”

Towers is also host of The Elite Daily Show on Verizon’s Go90 network and the comedic Out On Stage series. He was regularly featured on E!’s Nightly Pop, seasons one and two of Dating: No Filter and season three of Netflix’s Dear White People. All are accomplishments that he owes to the art scene in St. Louis, he says, where he joined Muny Kids! at age 10.

“Growing up, [being queer] was a bullseye for bullies,” Towers says. “The Muny was such a sigh of relief for me because there were other little boys who took dance class, and there were other little boys who were celebrated for having a beautiful singing voice instead of being made fun of.”

Towers studied musical theater at Indiana University before moving to Los Angeles in 2008, where he kickstarted a

When Atari saw the game, it liked it so much that it agreed to publish it. It will be the first new game published by Atari for the VCS since 1990.

Mikula came up with the characters for Mr. Run and Jump. The main character has to, well, run and jump through obstacles to collect gems and defeat a threat to his hometown called the terrifying void. Raithel says it is akin to a Mario Bros. adventure.

The Atari VCS version will have “80 screens of platforming action across six different worlds,” according to a press

release. The scoring for the game starts at 25,000 points and decreases for each second that elapses. Colliding with an enemy drops your score by 100 points. The cartridge will be available for $59.99 on atari.com starting July 31. Only 1,983 copies of the game are being sold.

The only way to play the VCS version is on the Atari console. The version that will be coming out everywhere else is a thoroughly modern game. It has “similar mechanics” but is “way more complex and has a lot more modern features like time trials,” Raithel explains.

Raithel says that this is not the company’s first collaboration with Atari, which still produces modern games for other consoles. They also worked together on the game Kombinera, a puzzle game.

Raithel says it’s a dream to be at Graphite Lab. “I want to make games matter here in my hometown,” he says. “We’ve invested in developing a studio and growing the talent.” n

“To say I felt blindfolded and spun around in circles before I entered my own sex life is putting it lightly,” Towers says. “I was really fumbling around in the dark when it came to learning anything about sex, much less gay sex.”

After Hours is a space for everyone to learn about sex, Towers says. With the show’s camera setup, he hopes it will one day evolve into a late night format — a sexy one, of course.

While Towers still gets nervous to perform, he does not get shy talking about sex, which he thinks is hilarious.

“I just want more resources out there telling people sex is good, it’s beautiful, it’s fun, it’s funny, it doesn’t have to be scary,” Towers says. “Someone’s gone through what you’re going through right now, and you’re not alone, and you shouldn’t feel bad about it. So I just want people to feel freer to be themselves and not feel judged or alone.” n

career in TV, film and standup comedy.

Having been raised in a religious household in Missouri, there was almost no discussion about sex, Towers says. Even in his public education, sex was taught in very clinical terms and only as something existing between heterosexual couples.

After Hours with Zach Noe Towers airs biweekly on Thursdays at 8 p.m. CST, with replays Fridays at 7 a.m. CST and Saturdays at 8 p.m. CST. Netflix Is A Joke Radio is available to SiriusXM subscribers across the nation in their cars on channel 93 and on the SXM App.

Mr. Run and Jump goes through challenges to find his dog. | COURTESY GRAPHITE LAB

St. Louis native and comedian

Zach Towers is making fun of the most taboo of topics, sex, on the radio

Zach Towers started a new radio show on Sirius XM. | COURTESY PHOTO

The only way to play the VCS version is on the original Atari console.

MUSIC 37

St. Louis Rapper Sexyy Red Has

Volatile Week

From getting bashed for visiting a local high school to getting romanced by Drake, the rapper was busy

Written by MONICA OBRADOVIC AND ROSALIND EARLY

St. Louis rapper Sexyy Red has taken heat for her appearance at a high school in St. Louis.

The 25-year-old artist, a St. Louis native, is best-known for her hit “Pound Town,” which, like most of the rapper’s songs, details her sexual exploits with wildly lewd and catchy lyrics. So some people were shocked when the rapper was asked to perform at a high school in her hometown.

From the looks of the school’s gym, we believe Sexyy Red performed at Hazelwood Central High School. School officials did not respond to our request for comment seeking details.

Sexyy Red shared a video of her entrance on Twitter and captioned it: “What school should I go to next it’s been a minute!” The video showed the rapper throwing up her middle fingers as she entered the school’s gym. Students screamed as she walked inside and ran to swarm the rapper.

Commenters on Twitter were quick to criticize Sexyy Red for performing for students. “So nobody gon ask why the first thing she do when she walk in is flip off a bunch of children,” @I_Am_BigCee commented.

“We love u niece but no school unless it’s college. Your songs are not for school kids,” wrote @taylorstaxxx.

Sexyy Red later defended her performance in a tweet, saying it was all for charity.

“Y’all do know I went there to give the boys money for they haircuts and girls bundles for prom week cause I remember when I needed help with my prom stuff,” the rapper wrote.

Whatever criticism Sexyy Red has drawn for this, it is surely just a blip on the rapper’s seemingly steady rise. In recent months, she’s collaborated with the likes of Nicki Minaj and received recognition from Cardi B and Post Malone.

In fact, just a few days after the school incident, she was cozying up to one of the most famous rappers in the world when she went to Brooklyn to see Drake perform at the Barclays Center.

Drake is currently on his It’s All a Blur tour and was playing the arena last week when he walked off the stage in the middle of the concert to give Sexyy Red a hug. The crowd cheered as he kissed her on the forehead and said, “Look, they got my baby mama here tonight.”

The “God’s Plan” rapper and

Sexyy Red had met up backstage for some canoodling that both of the stars posted on their social media. Drake posted a photo of him kissing Sexyy Red on the cheek and captioned it, “Just met my rightful wife @sexyyred.” He then captioned another picture, “If my girl see ya’ll backstage being thirsty it’s gonna get smokey.”

Sexyy Red posted similar photos, and fan reactions were mixed but largely positive. “Break his heart. We need another album,” Anthonyuncensoreddd wrote.

“Drake be thirst af when a new young female artist come,” xyoung22x wrote.

(Drake has been accused of grooming due to his friendship with Millie Bobby Brown, who is 18 years younger than him, and other incidents.)

“To be honest, I really believe Drake respects her free spirit and just wants her to win. This photo is him showing his support,” another fan wrote.

All Sexyy Red had to say? “I’m yo favorite rapper favorite rapper.”

Let ’em know, Sexyy Red. n

MATISYAHU + G. LOVE & SPECIAL SAUCE PLUS CYDEWAYS SAT, AUG 5

LEANNE MORGAN TWO SHOWS! THURS, AUG 10 FRI, AUG 11

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PLUS ACACIA STRAIN

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Sexyy Red knows what she’s about. | SCREENSHOT

Under the Pink

Barbie is existential brilliance — and also a lot of fun

Written by EILEEN G’SELL Barbie

We are living in difficult times. Girls’ self-harm and suicide rates are spiraling; women are more burned out than ever taking the second shift. Boys are slipping behind in school and struggling to graduate; men are more and more often the victims of deaths of despair.

Could Barbie be to blame?

It’s tempting to trace the troubles of both genders to the iconic blonde doll. After all, from the beginning, she has perpetuated impossible beauty standards, relentless consumption and the unrealistic expectation that female-identifying people never stop teeth-smiling. With her impressive résumé (astronaut, doctor, teacher, president), she’s also encouraged the “girls can be everything” mindset that backfires when girls and women realize, “Oh, we actually can’t. Or, at least most of us can’t.” Whether regressive pin-up or a blown-out girl boss, Barbie can’t be the perfect role model. Gender ideals, past and present, have always been too fraught.

The excessively hyped Barbie movie knows all this, but also knows how much fun it is to both embrace these roles and mock them. Directed by Greta Gerwig and co-written with Noah Baumbach — best known for directing off-beat indie hits such as Lady Bird and The Squid and the Whale — Barbie is not a movie for people who seek an evening of simple fuchsia escapism. Nor is it a movie for kids (though, at the matinee I attended, little girls in sparkling crowns howled with laughter from the front row). It is a movie for those who can earnestly revel in the unabashedly femme — pastels, lipstick, sparkles! — but are also open to a startlingly sober exploration of gender inequality and late-capitalist dread.

“Thanks to Barbie, all problems of feminism have been solved,” says the voice-of-god narrator (Helen Mirren) dur-

ing an intro aerial shot of “Barbieland,” a relentlessly peppy matriarchy of plastic houses near a sun-lit beach. From here, our heroine — dubbed “Stereotypical Barbie” (Margot Robbie), as she resembles the model invented by Mattel CEO Ruth Handler in 1959 — sets off on yet another perfect day in her perfect world.

All the women around her are also “Barbie,” and represent actual dolls sold in real life (with certain welcome exceptions; one Barbie is plus-size and another is played by trans actress Hari Nef). The Kens in Barbieland — also a range of races, though less so body type — are mostly a diversion. They hold no positions of power, and are mostly around to lift Stereotypical Barbie (henceforward called just Barbie) in the air at one of her nightly dance parties. “Stereotypical Ken” (Ryan Gosling) courts Barbie’s attention to his constant disappointment; Barbie doesn’t want to kiss him and prefers a “girl’s night” to a roll in the (plastic) hay.

Things go awry when Barbie suddenly has “thoughts of death” and her upper thighs display a faint ripple of cellulite. Something is wrong — very wrong! Consulting “Weird Barbie” (Kate McKinnon), Barbie is advised to take a portal to the real world and confront the girl who’s playing with her — the girl whose malaise and indignation are responsible for the doll’s dysfunction. Much of the humor in the “real world” comes from Barbie’s befuddlement that women don’t run it and Ken’s wild glee that, in fact, men do.

Crucially, Barbie is not a film that tries to convince its audience that the patriarchy is real and should be upended. It is a film that assumes we already know

it’s real and can laugh (and cry) at all the ways it is absurd and hurts people of all gender identities. In the film’s second half, a mother and daughter from the real world (America Ferrera and Ariana Greenblatt) help Barbie in her dual mission to 1. restore order in Barbieland, which has fallen apart in her absence, and 2. figure out her individual purpose once she realizes her blonde, perky cluelessness is terribly retrograde.

Robbie’s knack for physical comedy (and grace; see her lead turn in I, Tonya) is on full display, as is her impressive range of emotional expression. I can’t think of any other actor today who could both make you believe she is a plastic doll and gradually become so real and vulnerable that her former lack of substance becomes all the more unsettling. Robbie’s not going to get an Oscar nomination

for this film, but she should. Gerwig and Baumbach might very well get a nom for Best Screenplay, and they will deserve it. This is a film when, just as you ask, “What in the name of plastic stilettos is going on here?” a squad of suited Mattel execs (led by Will Ferrell) storm Venice Beach in neon rollerblades or a West Side Storyinspired dance battle erupts between dueling Kens. This is a film that delights in the absurdity of Barbie to expose the absurdity of gender in the world we live in.

“How did this movie get made?” my partner asked me around two-thirds through. Good question. Gerwig and Baumbach fought to keep artistic freedom with the script, even when Mattel and Warner Bros. initially insisted on approval, and so what could come across as yet another nostalgic Hollywood cash-grab is instead a send-up of both consumerism and conservative gender roles. Barbie ultimately asks what it means to be mortal, what it means to be alive — and it takes these questions seriously.

“If you’re celebrating all that is, you’re also celebrating everything that will come to an end,” Gerwig said at the New York premiere for Baumbach’s White Noise, in which she starred. For the half-hour prior, I watched as my press colleagues posed question after question to her romantic and creative partner, until she artfully coopted a query about the film’s buoyant take on death. The audience cheered — as did I.

No one will be surprised that Barbie will make a lot of money. What is shocking is that Gerwig didn’t sell her soul to make it. I’ll take that as some small progress.

Directed by Greta Gerwig. Written by Greta Gerwig and Noah Baumbach. Starring Margot Robbie, Ryan Gosling, Issa Rae, Will Ferrell and America Ferrera. Now playing everywhere.

Barbie (Margot Robbie) and Ken (Ryan Gosling) are prepared to journey into the heart of darkness — a.k.a. the real world. | COURTESY WARNER BROS.

Much of the humor in the “real world” comes from Barbie’s befuddlement that women don’t run it and Ken’s wild glee that, in fact, men do.

Fire From the Gods

Oppenheimer does something all too rare in Hollywood: It trusts its audience

Written by CLIFF FROELICH

Oppenheimer

Christopher Nolan bases his ambitious biopic of J. Robert Oppenheimer (Cillian Murphy) on a Pulitzer Prize-winning account of his subject’s life, American Prometheus, and the physicist’s shaping hand in the creation of the atomic bomb undeniably qualifies as the modern equivalent of stealing fire from the gods. Although Oppenheimer is spared Prometheus’ physical punishment for that hubristic act — his liver remains safe from endlessly recurring consumption by an eagle — the film devotes much of its three-hour running time to the noncorporeal forms of retribution he suffers: the U.S. government’s Cold War-era accusations of Communist Party membership and possible Soviet spying, and his own escalating concern over the world-annihilating capacity of the weaponry he helped birth. American Prometheus’ subtitle is “The Triumph and Tragedy of J. Robert Oppenheimer,” and Nolan places equal emphasis on both aspects, inextricably entwining them throughout the film.

Given Nolan’s persistent interest in the manipulation of time and space — it’s a central feature of several of his films — the director seemed almost fated to chronicle Oppenheimer’s insights into theoretical physics and their eventual practical application in the A-bomb. Characteristically, Nolan chooses to tell his story in nonlinear fashion, relating the key events in Oppenheimer’s life largely (if not entirely) in chronological order but interweaving them with two other narrative strands — labeled “Fission” and “Fusion” — whose intimate connection is only slowly clarified.

The first, “Fission,” concerns the 1954 hearing to determine the renewal of Oppenheimer’s security clearance, where the allegations of his “treasonous” behavior are aired. The second recounts his contentious relationship with Atomic Energy Commission Chairman Lewis Strauss (Robert Downey Jr.), which be-

gins when Strauss offers Oppenheimer the directorship of Princeton’s Institute for Advanced Study in 1947 and culminates in Strauss’ 1959 Senate confirmation hearing as commerce secretary. Nolan helps audiences negotiate this labyrinth by shooting the Strauss “Fusion” sequences in luminous black-andwhite, but the film rivals Asteroid City in its daunting structural complexity.

In fact, what’s most remarkable about Oppenheimer — among an array of superlative achievements — is its refusal to simplify, its trust in the audience’s intelligence. That faith may ultimately prove misplaced — recent events amply demonstrate that the American public’s historical and scientific ignorance shouldn’t be underestimated — but I can’t help but admire the film’s bracing assumption of our collective knowledge of physics (or at least its basics), events in the Spanish Civil War and World War II, the Red Scare hysteria, and Cold War nuclear politics. Partially constructed as a thriller — focused on revelations about Oppenheimer’s postwar tribulations — the film nicely delivers on that superficial level, but it operates more as a rich psychological case study, exploring its subject’s interior thoughts. Nolan actually shows us occasional flashes of what the younger Oppenheimer sees in his mind’s eye: abstract swirls of cosmic matter that serve as precursors to the Trinity test’s disquietingly beautiful atomic detonation. Later, after the U.S. government drops bombs on Hiroshima and Nagasaki, the film reflects Oppenheimer’s increasingly distressed viewpoint — what

exactly has he wrought? — by having backgrounds sometimes subtly vibrate and threaten to fracture, and he twice sees nightmarish visions of flesh melting.

Longtime Nolan collaborator Cillian Murphy exquisitely conveys the anxieties and complicated emotions of Oppenheimer, to whom he also bears an uncanny physical resemblance. Instead of the typical hagiographic treatment, the film and actor never heroicize or sanctify Oppenheimer — he always remains condescending, willful, capricious and selfsabotaging. At his first meeting with Oppenheimer, Manhattan Project Director Leslie Groves (a predictably terrific Matt Damon) offers a succinct and entirely accurate summation of his flaws, and Murphy bravely foregrounds rather than disguises those attributes. Because of Oppenheimer’s prickly behavior and often opaque motivations, we never warm to the character but instead come to admire him only grudgingly.

Nolan takes a similarly sophisticated approach to the many other players in his drama: In a postwar Oval Office meeting, Oppenheimer confesses to President Harry Truman (an unrecognizable Gary Oldman) that he feels as though he has “blood on my hands,” but no one in Oppenheimer emerges entirely clean or sullied. For example, the two principal women in the film — wife Kitty Oppenheimer (Emily Blunt) and lover Jean Tatlock (Emily Pugh) — sometimes act erratically or irresponsibly, but they’re both accorded moments of grace and resolve (with Blunt particularly effective in Kitty’s security-clearance inter-

view). And even the film’s least sympathetic figures — Strauss, security officer Boris Pash (Casey Affleck), interrogator Roger Robb (Jason Clarke), informer William Borden (David Dastmalchian) — largely avoid cartoon villainy: Their motives are scarcely pure, but patriotism (however misguided) and national interest at least partially inform their actions.

Oppenheimer adopts a similarly nonjudgmental attitude toward the knotty moral questions that it addresses with both thoughtfulness and thoroughness. Were Oppenheimer and his team wrong to build the bomb? Despite his fears of Nazi Germany’s own pursuit of nuclear weapons, physicist Isidor Rabi (David Krumholtz) refuses to participate fully in the project because of his ethical concerns, but he then appears at the Trinity test to lend support. Should both (or any) bombs have been dropped on Japan? The film allows Secretary of War Henry Stimson (James Remar) to make a persuasive case, but Oppenheimer seems of two minds: Hiroshima, yes; Nagasaki, no. Should the U.S. expand the arms race by developing the H-bomb? Oppenheimer adamantly opposes that escalation, but Edward Teller (Benny Safdie) and Strauss provide substantial counterweight.

Some will see the film’s avoidance of definitive conclusions as equivocation or both-sidesism, but it again reflects Nolan’s respect for his audience: Oppenheimer is the rare summer blockbuster that demands our active engagement, not our simple-minded acquiescence. And that’s a far more satisfying kind of thrill. n

Directed by Christopher Nolan. Written by Christopher Nolan, based on the book by Kai Bird and Martin J. Sherwin. Now playing everywhere.

Benny Safdie as Edward Teller, left, and Cillian Murphy as J. Robert Oppenheimer. | MELINDA SUE GORDON © UNIVERSAL PICTURES

Unsettling Sorrow

With The Years, the Midnight Company delivers a compelling and somber drama

Written by TINA FARMER

The Years

and deep longing that blankets the siblings like thick fog.

The play opens on Andrea’s wedding day, when she is mugged while running an unplanned work errand. Consumed with dread, her attacker rationalizes his actions but is clearly racked with guilt. For her part, Andrea tries to pretend nothing happened; she doesn’t want to file a police report and plans to repay the stolen funds from her own account. Back at the house, Eloise is stumbling through a different, though not entirely surprising, misfortune. Both sisters are enveloped in a pervasive uncertainty that influences every action, causing them to sublimate their true feelings with empty assurances.

The tragic heroine Anna Karenina observed that “every unhappy family is unhappy in its own way.” Cindy Lou Johnson’s affecting The Years illustrates this assertion through the uniquely sad yet tender tale of two sisters, Andrea and Eloise. The intimate drama, directed with sensitivity by Joe Hanrahan, reveals the tragedies that shape the women’s lives. While the audience may not find answers to every question, well-connected and controlled performances draw us into the pain

Preparations for the wedding bring up unresolved feelings each attempts to stifle accompanied by the well meaning, if sometimes awkward, attempts at cheerfulness and order from their cousins. The characters’ lives, including Andrea’s mugger, intersect over the following years, each scene marked with confusion and unhappiness. And, though this device stretches plausibility, it does so with necessary intention, eventually coalescing through unexpected honesty and acts of absolution that offer comforting release.

Johnson’s characters are psychologically complex but guileless, showing but not quite seeing (or

not wanting to see) the truths in front of them. Alicen Moser and Summer Baer are well paired as sisters Andrea and Eloise, reliant on each other with a peculiar and effective detachment that suggests shared trauma. Moser and Baer are sympathetically connected, creating authentic characters that feel cut from the same cloth yet individually distinct. Ashley Bauman and Joey File are a study in contradictions as cousins Isabella and Andrew. Bauman is a constantly moving and fussing presence, as if any issue can be solved by polite resolve and the perfect decor. File is more observant and contemplative, seeking beauty and hidden substance where it is least expected. Joseph Garner, as Bartholomew, is puzzling and preternaturally erratic but has a forceful and unforgiving conscience. Michael Pierce rounds out the cast in two key scenes.

The Years languishes in the gray spaces between recollection and response with a heavy tragic tone. The characters feel realistic but beautifully and compellingly out of sync with the world. They are suspended in dense air, thick with the sense that something more meaningful is just eluding their grasp. The effect is almost hypnotic, viscerally emotional and quite fascinating. Though weighted with sadness, the story and evocative performances deliver a surprisingly cathartic resolution. n

Written by Cindy Lou Johnson. Directed by Joe Hanrahan. Presented by the Midnight Company at the Chapel through Saturday, July 29. Showtimes vary by date. Tickets are $20 to $25.

The Years reveals the tragedies of sisters Andrea and Eloise. | JOEY RUMPELL

OUT EVERY NIGHT

Each week, we bring you our picks for the best concerts of the next seven days! To submit your show for consideration, visit https://bit.ly/3bgnwXZ. All events are subject to change, especially in the age of COVID-19, so do check with the venue for the most up-to-date information before you head out for the night. Happy showgoing!

THURSDAY 27

CHAMBER MUSIC SOCIETY OF ST. LOUIS: 6 p.m., $25. World Chess Hall of Fame, 4652 Maryland Ave, St. Louis, 314-367-9243.

CREE RIDER & PHIL WRIGHT DUO: 7 p.m., free. Das Bevo Biergarten, 4749 Gravois Ave., St. Louis, 314-224-5521.

ENUFF ZNUFF: w/ the Quireboys, Bad Marriage 8 p.m., $20. Red Flag, 3040 Locust Street, St. Louis, 314-289-9050.

FOSTER AND THE FELLOWSHIP: 7 p.m., free. St. Louis County Library, 16400 Burkhardt, Chesterfield, 636-728-0001.

THE HAMILTON BAND: 9 p.m., $9. Broadway Oyster Bar, 736 S. Broadway, St. Louis, 314-621-8811.

HUNTER: 3 p.m., $5. Hammerstone’s, 2028 S. 9th St., St. Louis, 314-773-5565.

JULIA JACKLIN: 8 p.m., $15. Off Broadway, 3509 Lemp Ave., St. Louis, 314-498-6989.

LA JONES BLUES: 7 p.m., $5. Hammerstone’s, 2028 S. 9th St., St. Louis, 314-773-5565.

LOMELDA: 8 p.m., $18. Blueberry Hill - The Duck Room, 6504 Delmar Blvd., University City, 314-727-4444.

MANCHESTER ORCHESTRA: w/ Jimmy Eat World 7 p.m., $29.50-$69.50. St. Louis Music Park, 750 Casino Center Dr., Maryland Heights, 314-451-2244.

MATTIE SCHELL: 8 p.m., $15. Joe’s Cafe, 6014 Kingsbury Ave, St. Louis.

NELSON: 8 p.m., $40. Diamond Music Hall, 4105 N Cloverleaf Dr, St. Peters, 636-477-6825.

PIERCE CRASK: 4 p.m., free. Broadway Oyster Bar, 736 S. Broadway, St. Louis, 314-621-8811.

RIG TIME: w/ Direct Measure, Keep, Fortunate Son, Pinkville 8 p.m., $10. The Sinkhole, 7423 South Broadway, St. Louis, 314-328-2309.

FRIDAY 28

ANDY COCO & CO.: 3:30 p.m., free. Broadway Oyster Bar, 736 S. Broadway, St. Louis, 314-621-8811.

BIG RICH MCDONOUGH & THE RHYTHM REN-

EGADES: 7 p.m., $15. BB’s Jazz, Blues & Soups, 700 S. Broadway, St. Louis, 314-436-5222.

BRET MICHAELS: 7 p.m., $26-$250.50. Hollywood Casino Amphitheatre, I-70 & Earth City Expwy., Maryland Heights, 314-298-9944.

BRNA & BOBBY JAY’S “WELCOME TO PLANET ERF”: 10 p.m., $15-$20. The Dark Room, 3610 Grandel Square inside Grandel Theatre, St. Louis, 314-776-9550.

CAVETOWN: 6 p.m., $46-$51. St. Louis Music Park, 750 Casino Center Dr., Maryland Heights, 314-451-2244.

CRYSTAL LADY: 7:30 p.m., $25. Kirkwood Performing Arts Center (KPAC), 210 E Monroe Ave, Kirkwood, 314-759-1455.

DIESEL ISLAND: 7 p.m., free. Das Bevo Biergarten, 4749 Gravois Ave., St. Louis, 314-224-5521.

GUSTO: w/ Papi Tone 7:30 p.m., $10. Pop’s Nightclub, 401 Monsanto Ave., East St. Louis, 618-274-6720.

HONKY TONK HAPPY HOUR: 4 p.m., $5. Hammerstone’s, 2028 S. 9th St., St. Louis, 314-773-5565.

LUMINAL: 7:30 p.m., $15. Blueberry Hill - The Duck Room, 6504 Delmar Blvd., University City, 314-727-4444.

MARTY ABDULLAH & THE EXPRESSIONS: 8 p.m., $5. Hammerstone’s, 2028 S. 9th St., St. Louis, 314-773-5565.

THE MEDITATIONS: 7 p.m., $25-$30. The Broad-

[CRITIC’S PICK]

Pig & Whiskey Festival w/ Murphy Lee and Kyjuan, Grace Potter, Bone Thugs-N-Harmony, 40 Oz to Freedom, Everclear and more

5 p.m. Friday, July 28, 12 p.m. Saturday, July 29, and 12 p.m. Sunday, July 30. Schlafly Bottleworks, 7260 Southwest Avenue. Free, with VIP options available. 314-241-2337.

Last year’s smash-hit festival featuring barbecue, whiskey and live music will be taking over Maplewood this weekend. The second annual Pig & Whiskey will take place Friday, July 28, to Sunday, July 30, 30 at Schlafly Bottleworks. Presented by the Riverfront Times in partnership with Schlafly Beer, the free event will feature barbecue samples, as well as three days of national and local acts, including Murphy Lee and Kyjuan from the St. Lunatics, Bone Thugs-N-Harmony, Grace Potter, 40 Oz to Freedom and Everclear. Tickets are free, but VIP passes will get you access to an open bar, free appetiz-

way Boat Bar, 1424 N Broadway St, St Louis, 314-565-4124.

PAPADOSIO: w/ Resonant Language, Acid Katz

7:30 p.m., $20. The Hawthorn, 2225 Washington Avenue, St. Louis.

PAPADOSIO: w/ Resonant Language, Acid Katz

7:30 p.m., $20-$40. The Hawthorn, 2225 Washington Avenue, St. Louis.

PAUL THORN: 8 p.m., $38-$45. City Winery St. Louis, 3730 Foundry Way, Suite 158, St. Louis, 314-678-5060.

RIVERBEND BLUEGRASS: 7:30 p.m., free. The Frisco Barroom, 8110 Big Bend Blvd., Webster Groves, 314-455-1090.

STONE HEN: w/ Cloud Machine, Zantigo 8 p.m., $10. The Heavy Anchor, 5226 Gravois Ave., St. Louis, 314-352-5226.

STORMRULER: w/ Tomarum, Volcandra, Necrotic Theurgist 8 p.m., $12-$15. The Sinkhole, 7423 South Broadway, St. Louis, 314-328-2309.

SUNFLOWER SOUTH: 5 p.m., $10. The Attic Music Bar, 4247 South Kingshighway Blvd., 2nd Floor, St. Louis, 3143765313.

VOODOO WHO: 8 p.m., $20-$25. The Big Top, 3401 Washington Avenue, St. Louis, 314-533-0367.

SATURDAY 29

ALL ROOSTERED UP: noon, free. Broadway Oyster

ers, better views of the stage and even meet-and-greets with the performers. Don’t worry about the heat or the kids at the festival. There will be multiple cooling stations, a free kids zone and an STL Road Pony shuttle.

p.m., $22.50-$225.50. Enterprise Center, 1401 Clark Ave., St. Louis, 314-241-1888.

SAM HUNT: 7:30 p.m., $34.75-$119.75. Hollywood Casino Amphitheatre, I-70 & Earth City Expwy., Maryland Heights, 314-298-9944.

SAWED OFF EP RELEASE: w/ Fortunate Son, Furnace Floor, Mürtaugh 8 p.m., $10. The Sinkhole, 7423 South Broadway, St. Louis, 314-328-2309.

SLAPSHOT STL: 5 p.m., $10. The Attic Music Bar, 4247 South Kingshighway Blvd., 2nd Floor, St. Louis, 314-376-5313.

SOUFSIDE JEREI: UNPLUGGED: 10 p.m., $20. The Dark Room, 3610 Grandel Square inside Grandel Theatre, St. Louis, 314-776-9550.

STORMRAZOR: w/ Sewer Urchin, Stinkbomb 8 p.m., $10. The Heavy Anchor, 5226 Gravois Ave., St. Louis, 314-352-5226.

THREE-BRAINED ROBOT: w/ Dee Bird, Grain, Fakespacetan 6 p.m., $5. Milque Toast Bar, 2212 S Jefferson Ave, St. Louis, 314-833-0085.

TIM & LISA ALBERT: 3 p.m., $5. Broadway Oyster Bar, 736 S. Broadway, St. Louis, 314-621-8811.

TREY SONGZ: 8 p.m., $45-$225. Enterprise Center, 1401 Clark Ave., St. Louis, 314-241-1888.

SUNDAY 30

CAROLYN MASON BAND: 4 p.m., $15. Broadway Oyster Bar, 736 S. Broadway, St. Louis, 314-621-8811.

EKKSTACY: 8 p.m., $20. Off Broadway, 3509 Lemp Ave., St. Louis, 314-498-6989.

ERIK BROOKS: 8 p.m., $5. Hammerstone’s, 2028 S. 9th St., St. Louis, 314-773-5565.

GRAND FINALE: 7:30 p.m., free. The 560 Music Center, 560 Trinity Ave., University City, 314-421-3600.

JENNIFER KNAPP: w/ Sarah Peacock, South for Winter 7 p.m., $22-$28. City Winery St. Louis, 3730 Foundry Way, Suite 158, St. Louis, 314-678-5060.

PARAMORE: 7 p.m., $37.50-$133. Enterprise Center, 1401 Clark Ave., St. Louis, 314-241-1888.

PAUL BONN AND THE BLUESMEN: 3 p.m., $5. Hammerstone’s, 2028 S. 9th St., St. Louis, 314-773-5565.

SOULPLAY: 7 p.m., $20. The Dark Room, 3610 Grandel Square inside Grandel Theatre, St. Louis, 314-776-9550.

TRAFFIC DEATH: w/ Snafu, Snort Dagger 8 p.m., $10. The Sinkhole, 7423 South Broadway, St. Louis, 314-328-2309.

—Sarah Fenske

Hometown Heroes: Local acts on the lineup include DJ Charlie Chan Soprano, Elliott Pearson and the Passing Lane, Hillary Fitz, DJ Kimmy Nu, the Vanilla Beans, Katarra, Mammoth Piano, Tree One Four, Vallie Golde, Jesus Christ Supercar, Nathaniel Carroll and the Party Line, and Matt F Basler. For a full schedule, visit pigandwhiskey.com.

Bar, 736 S. Broadway, St. Louis, 314-621-8811.

BIG GEORGE JR. & THE NGK BAND: 8 p.m., $5. Hammerstone’s, 2028 S. 9th St., St. Louis, 314-773-5565.

BOXCAR: 5:30 p.m., free. The Gramophone, 4243 Manchester Ave., St. Louis, 314-531-5700.

CLUSTERPLUCK: 10 p.m., free. Broadway Oyster Bar, 736 S. Broadway, St. Louis, 314-621-8811.

THE DANGER ZONE BAND: 7 p.m., $20. BB’s Jazz, Blues & Soups, 700 S. Broadway, St. Louis, 314-436-5222.

HARD BOP MESSENGERS: 7:30 p.m., $25. Kirkwood Performing Arts Center (KPAC), 210 E Monroe Ave, Kirkwood, 314-759-1455.

HOT HANDS WONDERLAND: 6 p.m., free. Crossroads Bar, 11440 Concord Village Ave., St. Louis, 314-842-7009.

THE IMPRACTICAL JOKERS: 8 p.m., $49.50-$150. Stifel Theatre, 1400 Market St, St. Louis, 314-499-7600.

KANSAS: 7:30 p.m., $45-$125. The Fox Theatre, 527 N. Grand Blvd., St. Louis, 314-534-1111.

KEVIN BUCKLEY: 7:30 p.m., free. The Frisco Barroom, 8110 Big Bend Blvd., Webster Groves, 314-455-1090.

THE MOUNTAIN GRASS UNIT: 8 p.m., $15. Blueberry Hill - The Duck Room, 6504 Delmar Blvd., University City, 314-727-4444.

R&B KICKBACK: w/ Trey Songz, Monica, Tamar Braxton, Silk, H-Town, Jon B, Keke Wyatt 7:30

MONDAY 31

MONDAY NIGHT REVIEW: w/ Tim, Danny and Randy 7 p.m., $5. Hammerstone’s, 2028 S. 9th St., St. Louis, 314-773-5565.

THE OPERA BELL BAND: 7 p.m., free. Yaqui’s on Cherokee, 2728 Cherokee St, St. Louis, 314-400-7712.

SOULARD BLUES BAND: 9 p.m., $8. Broadway Oyster Bar, 736 S. Broadway, St. Louis, 314-621-8811.

TUESDAY 1

DECLAN MCKENNA: 8 p.m., $30. Delmar Hall, 6133 Delmar Blvd., St. Louis, 314-726-6161.

THE FRONT BOTTOMS: 7:30 p.m., $35-$45. The Pageant, 6161 Delmar Blvd., St. Louis, 314-726-6161.

NAKED MIKE: 7 p.m., $5. Hammerstone’s, 2028 S. 9th St., St. Louis, 314-773-5565.

PETER KENDALL CLARK: 7:30 p.m., $20. Blue Strawberry Showroom & Lounge, 364 N Boyle Ave, St. Louis, 314-256-1745.

STEVE BAUER AND MATT RUDOLF: 9 p.m., free. Broadway Oyster Bar, 736 S. Broadway, St. Louis, 314-621-8811.

SWEEPING PROMISES: 8 p.m., $15. Off Broadway, 3509 Lemp Ave., St. Louis, 314-498-6989.

WEDNESDAY 2

DREW LANCE: 4:30 p.m., free. Broadway Oyster Bar, 736 S. Broadway, St. Louis, 314-621-8811.

HOT MULLIGAN: 7:30 p.m., $27.50. The Pageant, 6161 Delmar Blvd., St. Louis, 314-726-6161.

Grace Potter will be one of the headliners at this year’s Pig & Whiskey Festival. | COURTESY GRACE POTTER

Mürtaugh w/ Sawed Off, Fortunate Son, Furnace Floor

8 p.m. Saturday, July 29. The Sinkhole, 7423 South Broadway. $10. 314-328-2309.

Those familiar with the St. Louis band Mürtaugh’s prior output — which was released on a pair of EPs in 2018 and 2019 — will likely find its latest work wholly unrecognizable. Whereas those earlier sets of songs hewed closer to straightforward hardcore punk with discernable rock & roll influences delivered for the most part at a mid-tempo pace, the newest iteration of the band has pushed all aspects of its sound to 11 and beyond. Part of that is the recent inclusion of local weapon of mass percussion Corpsegrinder (no relation) on drums, best-known for his work with such bygone acts as Who Fucking Cares?, Head On Collision and Sayonara. CG has an enviable knack for playing lightning-quick fastcore beats with machine

JOHN MCVEY BAND: 8 p.m., $5. Hammerstone’s, 2028 S. 9th St., St. Louis, 314-773-5565.

MARGARET & FRIENDS: 3 p.m., $5. Hammerstone’s, 2028 S. 9th St., St. Louis, 314-773-5565.

RABBIT EAR MOVEMENT 10TH ANNIVERSARY

SHOW: 8 p.m., $10. The Heavy Anchor, 5226 Gravois Ave., St. Louis, 314-352-5226.

TELETHON: w/ Mid Tempo Death March, A Living Hell 8 p.m., $10. The Sinkhole, 7423 South Broadway, St. Louis, 314-328-2309.

VOODOO GRATEFUL DEAD: 9 p.m., $14. Broadway Oyster Bar, 736 S. Broadway, St. Louis, 314-621-8811.

ZAINAB JOHNSON: 8 p.m., $30-$35. City Winery St. Louis, 3730 Foundry Way, Suite 158, St. Louis,

gun precision, which pushes guitarist “Uncle” Dave Carr and bassist Jimmy Nichols’ riffage to the near breaking point without taking it off the rails. In keeping, frontman Matt Monroe has switched up his delivery as well, eschewing the shouted, hardcore-style vocals of the past for a truly disgusting, guttural sound that borders on straight-up death metal. In sum, the newly reformed Mürtaugh now specializes in D-beat-damaged rippers with clear influence from the likes of Discharge (obviously), Wolfbrigade and even Darkthrone, with a little bit of Motörhead tossed in for good measure. It’s a welcome change of pace and makes Mürtaugh one of the more interesting hardcore acts playing in St. Louis today.

BEN NORDSTROM AND STEVE NEALE: Sat., Sept. 9, 7:30 p.m., $25. Blue Strawberry Showroom & Lounge, 364 N Boyle Ave, St. Louis, 314-256-1745.

A BENEFIT FOR JON SNOW: Fri., Aug. 18, 8 p.m., $15. Blueberry Hill - The Duck Room, 6504 Delmar Blvd., University City, 314-727-4444.

BLUES AT THE ARCH FESTIVAL NIGHT ONE: Fri., Aug. 11, 5:15 p.m., free. Gateway Arch, 200 Washington Ave., St. Louis, 877-982-1410.

BLUES AT THE ARCH FESTIVAL NIGHT TWO: Sat., Aug. 12, 10 a.m., free. Gateway Arch, 200 Washington Ave., St. Louis, 877-982-1410.

CELEBRATION DAY - A TRIBUTE TO LED ZEPPELIN: Sat., Oct. 7, 7:30 p.m., $25-$30. Chesterfield Amphitheater, 631 Veterans Place Drive, Chesterfield.

COTTON CHOPS: Thu., Aug. 3, 4:30 p.m., free. Broadway Oyster Bar, 736 S. Broadway, St. Louis, 314-621-8811.

DEAD POET SOCIETY: Sat., Sept. 2, 8 p.m., $20. Blueberry Hill - The Duck Room, 6504 Delmar Blvd., University City, 314-727-4444.

DIANA ROSS: Fri., Sept. 15, 8 p.m., $76-$251. The Fox Theatre, 527 N. Grand Blvd., St. Louis, 314-534-1111.

DIZZY ATMOSPHERE: Fri., Aug. 4, 7:30 p.m., $15-$20. The Focal Point, 2720 Sutton Blvd., Maplewood, 314-560-2778.

DREW LANCE: Wed., Aug. 9, 4:30 p.m., free. Broadway Oyster Bar, 736 S. Broadway, St. Louis, 314-621-8811.

EMILY CAVANAGH & CARL BANKS: Thu., Nov. 16, 7:30 p.m., $15. Blue Strawberry Showroom & Lounge, 364 N Boyle Ave, St. Louis, 314-256-1745.

GAVIN DEGRAW: W/ Brandon Ratclif, Tue., Aug. 15, 8 p.m., $34.50. The Hawthorn, 2225 Washington Avenue, St. Louis.

GRAHAM CURRY & THE MISSOURI FURY: Sat., Aug. 26, 7:30 p.m., $20. Blue Strawberry Showroom & Lounge, 364 N Boyle Ave, St. Louis, 314-256-1745.

HELMET: Wed., Oct. 11, 8 p.m., $27.50. Delmar Hall, 6133 Delmar Blvd., St. Louis, 314-726-6161.

HONKY TONK HAPPY HOUR: Fri., Aug. 4, 4 p.m., $5. Hammerstone’s, 2028 S. 9th St., St. Louis, 314-773-5565.

HOT HANDS WONDERLAND: Sat., July 29, 6 p.m., free. Crossroads Bar, 11440 Concord Village Ave., St. Louis, 314-842-7009.

IVAS JOHN BAND: Sat., Aug. 5, 7 p.m., $15. BB’s Jazz, Blues & Soups, 700 S. Broadway, St. Louis, 314-436-5222.

J. HOWELL: Sun., Aug. 6, 8:30 p.m. City Winery St. Louis, 3730 Foundry Way, Suite 158, St. Louis, 314-678-5060.

JAZZ IS DEAD: 25TH ANNIVERSARY TOUR: Sun., Aug. 6, 7 p.m., $25-$55. The Big Top, 3401 Washington Avenue, St. Louis, (314) 533-0367.

MISPLACED RELIGION: Sat., Sept. 9, 7:30 p.m., $10. Blueberry Hill - The Duck Room, 6504 Delmar Blvd., University City, 314-727-4444.

MONDAY NIGHT REVIEW: W/ Tim, Danny and Randy, Mon., Aug. 7, 7 p.m., $5. Hammerstone’s, 2028 S. 9th St., St. Louis, 314-773-5565.

NAKED MIKE: Tue., Aug. 8, 6 p.m., $5. Hammerstone’s, 2028 S. 9th St., St. Louis, 314-773-5565.

NAPALM READERS: W/ Prunes, Janatrix, Fri., Aug. 4, 8 p.m., $10. The Sinkhole, 7423 South Broadway, St. Louis, 314-328-2309.

NATE’S MUDPIE HOOTENANNY: Sat., Aug. 5, 3 p.m., $5. Hammerstone’s, 2028 S. 9th St., St. Louis, 314-773-5565.

NICK CARTER: Thu., Oct. 5, 7 p.m., $32-$97. Family Arena, 2002 Arena Parkway, St. Charles, 636-896-4200.

PAPADOSIO: W/ Resonant Language, Acid Katz, Fri., July 28, 7:30 p.m., $20. The Hawthorn, 2225 Washington Avenue, St. Louis.

PAUL BONN AND THE BLUESMEN: Sat., Aug. 5, 8 p.m., $5. Hammerstone’s, 2028 S. 9th St., St. Louis, 314-773-5565.

PAUL CAUTHEN: W/ Colby Acuff, Wed., Sept. 27, 8 p.m., TBA. The Hawthorn, 2225 Washington Avenue, St. Louis.

PAUL NEIHAUS & FRIENDS: Sat., Aug. 5, 3 p.m., $15. BB’s Jazz, Blues & Soups, 700 S. Broadway, St. Louis, 314-436-5222.

PROFANATICA: W/ Panzerfaust, Thu., Aug. 3, 7:30 p.m., $20. Red Flag, 3040 Locust Street, St. Louis, 314-289-9050.

RABBIT EAR MOVEMENT 10TH ANNIVERSARY

SHOW: Wed., Aug. 2, 8 p.m., $10. The Heavy Anchor, 5226 Gravois Ave., St. Louis, 314-352-5226.

RADKEY: Sat., Aug. 12, 8 p.m., $12. Blueberry Hill - The Duck Room, 6504 Delmar Blvd., University City, 314-727-4444.

SAMANTHA CLEMONS: Thu., Aug. 31, 7:30 p.m.,

$15. Blue Strawberry Showroom & Lounge, 364 N Boyle Ave, St. Louis, 314-256-1745.

A. SAVAGE: Mon., Oct. 30, 8 p.m., $20. Off Broadway, 3509 Lemp Ave., St. Louis, 314-498-6989.

SISTER HAZEL: Sat., Sept. 9, 8 p.m., $25. The Hawthorn, 2225 Washington Avenue, St. Louis.

SOULARD BLUES BAND: Mon., Aug. 7, 9 p.m., $8. Broadway Oyster Bar, 736 S. Broadway, St. Louis, 314-621-8811.

SOULJA BOY: Sat., Aug. 19, 8 p.m., $35. The Hawthorn, 2225 Washington Avenue, St. Louis.

STROBOBEAN: W/ Algae Dust, Lucky Shells, Space Quaker, Sat., Aug. 5, 8 p.m., $10. The Sinkhole, 7423 South Broadway, St. Louis, 314-328-2309.

SUNFO: W/ TRSH, Blush, Young Animals, Thu., Aug. 3, 7:30 p.m., $10. The Sinkhole, 7423 South Broadway, St. Louis, 314-328-2309.

Cling to the Beast: Mürtaugh is technically opening this show, which is a release affair for death metal act Sawed Off’s latest, Forced Blunt Trauma. Fortunate Son and Furnace Floor round out the bill.

314-678-5060.

THIS JUST IN

—Daniel Hill

AARON KAMM & THE ONE DROPS: Fri., Aug. 4, 10 p.m., free. Broadway Oyster Bar, 736 S. Broadway, St. Louis, 314-621-8811.

AIR SUPPLY: Fri., Feb. 23, 8 p.m., $50-$80. River City Casino & Hotel, 777 River City Casino Blvd., St. Louis, 314-388-7777.

ANDREW DAHLE: Tue., Aug. 8, 9 p.m., free. Broadway Oyster Bar, 736 S. Broadway, St. Louis, 314-621-8811.

ANDY COCO’S NOLA FUNK AND R&B REVUE: Thu., Aug. 3, 9 p.m., $12. Broadway Oyster Bar, 736 S. Broadway, St. Louis, 314-621-8811.

JEFF HARNAR SINGS CY COLEMAN: Fri., Sept. 15, 7:30 p.m., $25. Blue Strawberry Showroom & Lounge, 364 N Boyle Ave, St. Louis, 314-256-1745.

JEFF IN LEATHER: W/ Pagan Athletes, Aura, Wed., Aug. 9, 3 p.m., $10. The Sinkhole, 7423 South Broadway, St. Louis, 314-328-2309.

JEREMIAH JOHNSON BAND: Thu., Aug. 3, 7 p.m., $5. Hammerstone’s, 2028 S. 9th St., St. Louis, 314-773-5565.

JOHN MCVEY BAND: Sun., Aug. 6, 3 p.m., $5. Wed., Aug. 9, 7 p.m., $5. Hammerstone’s, 2028 S. 9th St., St. Louis, 314-773-5565.

KINGDOM BROTHERS: Fri., Aug. 4, 8 p.m., $5. Hammerstone’s, 2028 S. 9th St., St. Louis, 314-773-5565.

LUISA SIMS: W/ Shane Devine, Mon., Aug. 7, 7:30 p.m., free. Yaqui’s on Cherokee, 2728 Cherokee St, St. Louis, 314-400-7712.

MARGARET & FRIENDS: Wed., Aug. 9, 3 p.m., $5. Hammerstone’s, 2028 S. 9th St., St. Louis, 314-773-5565.

THE MENZINGERS: Sun., Nov. 26, 7:30 p.m., $33. The Pageant, 6161 Delmar Blvd., St. Louis, 314-726-6161.

TAYLOR FEST: Fri., Sept. 29, 9 p.m., $20. The Hawthorn, 2225 Washington Avenue, St. Louis.

TEMPTATIONS: W/ Four Tops, Fri., Oct. 6, 7:30 p.m., $55-$150. The Fox Theatre, 527 N. Grand Blvd., St. Louis, 314-534-1111.

TESSERACT: Sat., Oct. 21, 8 p.m., $27.50-$49.50. Red Flag, 3040 Locust Street, St. Louis, 314-289-9050.

TIM SCHALL: $15. Blue Strawberry Showroom & Lounge, 364 N Boyle Ave, St. Louis, 314-256-1745.

TRICKS: W/ Jane Wave, Jenerator Jenkins, Dour, Mon., Aug. 7, 8 p.m., $7. The Sinkhole, 7423 South Broadway, St. Louis, 314-328-2309.

VANILLA ICE: W/ Rob Base, All 4 One, Tag Team, Fri., Aug. 4, 8 p.m., $37.50-$120. Alton Riverfront Amphitheater, 1 Henry St, Alton.

VOODOO DOORS: Fri., Aug. 18, 9 p.m., $15-$20. The Big Top, 3401 Washington Avenue, St. Louis, 314-533-0367.

VOODOO UNCLE TUPELO & WILCO: Wed., Aug. 30, 9 p.m., $14. Broadway Oyster Bar, 736 S. Broadway, St. Louis, 314-621-8811.

YES: Mon., Oct. 23, 7:30 p.m., $49.50-$114.50. The Factory, 17105 N Outer 40 Rd, Chesterfield, 314-423-8500. n

Murtaugh. | COURTESY PHOTO

[CRITIC’S PICK]

SAVAGE LOVE

Take Care

BY DAN SAVAGE

Hey Dan: I have a partner of several decades who needs me, as I am his primary caregiver and he’s been going through a prolonged health crisis. But we have been sexless for two decades. There are multiple reasons for that, on both sides, some of which include the fact that I’m just not that physically attracted to him anymore, even if I once was, even if I love him, even if I still feel sexual desire, just not in his direction. I have no interest in renewing our sexual relationship, especially not now, given the condition he’s in. I don’t even know if he’s capable anymore. But I don’t want to give up being a sexual being. I also don’t think he would be open to opening the relationship and allowing me to get my needs met elsewhere. He’s very traditional in that sense, and I’m scared to ask. I think it would break his heart.

Yet, at the same time, he’s kind of getting his needs met via porn, which he hides, and he’s very reluctant to talk about, although I understand. Not because I watch or enjoy porn, but because I understand he has needs, and I am not fulfilling them. I guess in his mind it’s different because he’s not engaging in a relationship with someone else, so it’s not cheating. Although I could argue that the amount of hours he spends watching porn and the extreme types he views certainly feels like something close to cheating to me. Not quite sure what I’d call it. I kind of mind when it’s bordering on jailbait and/or violent situations, I do find those subjects more problematic, but I’m trying really hard not to judge, even when it’s more disturbing to me, because I don’t want to add to his shame. These are just fantasies, and he wouldn’t act on them. He can’t act on them. I am trying not to mind, and consider myself grateful that he is getting his needs met somehow, and I’m off the hook.

My question, I guess, is how do I broach the topic that I have needs, too? And maybe get permission to get them met elsewhere without hurting him?

I’m not going to leave him. I can’t. That would be cruel. But I don’t want to spend the rest of our lives (and his might not be that much longer) living like a nun.

Married Or Martyr

You don’t wanna meet your husband’s sexual needs, assuming he’s still capable of being sexual; in fact, the thought of being sexual with your husband who’s on his way out — is so unappealing that you don’t even want to risk broaching the

subject of sex, MOM, for fear he might get ideas about being sexual with you. But you can somehow risk monitoring the porn your husband consumes, MOM, porn he tries to hide from you (however unsuccessfully), porn you could help him hide from you (by turning a blind fucking eye), and porn you should be grateful he has access to (porn gets you off the hook).

While you were never that sexually attracted to your husband, MOM, at some point you made the difficult transition from sexual and romantic partner — or presumed/default sexual and romantic partner — to caretaker. Even people who enjoyed strong sexual connections with their long-term partners sometimes have to make that awful transition, and the sex dwindles away. But sex was never an important part of your marriage and you stuck around anyway, and now you’ve taken on profound obligations and responsibilities that transcend sex; you’re not there to get him off, you’re there to see him out. That’s a loving thing to do or it’s a thing that can be done lovingly (some people are monstrous to their dying partners) — and the less resentful you are about the pressures and deprivations that come with being a caretaker, the more loving a caretaker you’ll be.

So there’s your rationalization, MOM. If discreetly getting sex elsewhere without seeking your husband’s permission — thereby sparing your husband a painful and pointless conversation that would only highlight what never worked about your marriage at the end of his life will bring you some small measure of happiness, I think you should go ahead and get sex elsewhere. It’s entirely possible your husband is no more interested in having sex with you than you are with him — it’s possible he prefers porn at this stage of his life — but regardless, MOM, your husband didn’t ask for your permission before he figured out a way to take care of his own needs. He did what he needed to do. You should do the same.

P.S. But for the love of Christ, MOM, stop looking at his browser history or dusting his DVD collection or whatever.

Hey Dan: Here’s the situation: I’m involved with someone who is depressed, and I don’t know how to help him. His depression has caused him to lose the ability to experience pleasure, for the most part. He’s on anti-depressants, but not the kind that impact your libido. How do I lift his spirits and get him to enjoy sex again?

Blues Clues

“It can be very difficult when someone you love needs help but won’t get it,” says John Moe, host of Depresh Mode, a podcast that tackles depression with

humor and without stigma. “You can only lead the horse to water, right? It’s a tricky move that depression pulls where the disorder sort of builds a protective shield around itself where the person is so devoid of hope and self-regard that they don’t think help is either possible or deserved, when in fact it’s both.”

While your partner is already on antidepressants and therefore has sought some sort of treatment, if he’s still struggling with depression — and having no libido can be a sign that someone is struggling — he may not be on the right anti-depressants and/or anti-depressants aren’t the only treatment he needs.

“When I was at my low point, before diagnosis and before treatment, I didn’t think I was worth getting better,” said Moe. “Finally, my wife said, ‘If you don’t love yourself enough to go see someone, do you love me and the kids?’ I said sure, of course. ‘Then do it for us,’ she says. And I did. The other line I know sometimes works when people don’t want to get help is to just ask how the status quo is working out of them. Like what exactly is so great about the current situation that you want to hold on to? Not so much about sex, really, but getting help can lead to a better mental state where sex becomes more feasible.”

Follow John Moe on Twitter @JohnMoe and the DepreshMode podcast on Instagram @depreshpod.

Hey Dan: I’m active-duty military, and my wife is as well. We are apart for now, but she will be where I am in September. I made a huge mistake. I was scrolling on Reddit and came across a subreddit that was intriguing. All I wanted was to get a release through photos. The stranger on the other end asked for my WhatsApp information so they could send me photos. I ended up sending an inappropriate picture back to get a “rating” and wound up in a blackmail situation after the recipient of my photo threatened to send it to my wife. Obviously, I didn’t want that to happen so I sent money, but this person on Reddit still sent a screenshot to my wife. I told my wife I messed up bad. I feel so angry and resentful toward myself, and I’m in therapy now working through my issues. I have an unhealthy relationship with porn, and I should have sought out for help before I ended up sending an inappropriate photo to a stranger on Reddit. My wife knew I watched porn, and she was OK with that, but she isn’t OK with this. I love my wife, and I don’t want it to end over a single penis picture sent to a random person. I didn’t seek a conversation or anything else from this stranger. I’m trying to understand and forgive myself. I just feel so much anger toward myself. What can I be doing to earn my wife’s

trust back? Was it cheating? I guess my biggest question is, why did I do this?

Picture Include Consequences

You had your dick in one hand and your smartphone in the other — that’s why you sent that pic — but you also sent it because you wanted to feel wanted. Sometimes a married person in a monogamous relationship needs to have their desirability affirmed by someone who isn’t their spouse; sometimes we need to hear we’re hot from someone whose job it isn’t to tell us we’re hot. People used to get that need met by strangers in hotel bars or people they briefly interacted with at work — people used to get that need met in ways that didn’t create a digital trail — but nowadays we get that need met online. Instead of flirting with someone you were never going to be in the same room with again, PIC, you connected online with someone you were never going to be in the same room with.

Was it cheating? Well, I wouldn’t consider it cheating, but I’m not your wife.

As a general rule, I think monogamous couples should define cheating as narrowly as possible. Touching someone else with your dick? Obviously, that counts. Flirting with a stranger you’re never going to meet in person? I don’t think that counts. If we want monogamous marriages to survive routine temptations, online and off, I think we need to round things like this — not just what you did, PIC, but what you got caught doing — down to stupid-but-forgivable rather than rounding them up to cheating-and-unforgiveable.

But again, PIC, I’m not your wife. Once the woman you married gets past her initial shock and anger, I would hope she could see that you were the victim here — the victim of your own poor judgment, but also the victim of an online sociopath and a victim of revenge pornography. You shouldn’t do that thing where you’re so theatrically angry with yourself that your wife feels manipulated into comforting you. You need to let her be angry, you need to apologize to her, and then, when things calm down a little, you can talk about what you actually did. You flirted with a stranger, which is something your wife has probably done herself, and that stranger turned out to have an ulterior motive and a vindictive streak … and the dick pic you were stupid/horny/needy enough to send them.

If your wife can forgive you for flirting with a stranger like this, then this marriage can be saved. If she can’t, then this marriage is probably doomed.

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