VOL. 41 | ISSUE 17 | February 10-16, 2021
LU ST T H E
I S S U E By Jelyn Jordan
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NEWS & VIEWS Feedback We received comments in response to last week’s cover story, which was an excerpt from Medicare for All: A Citizen’s Guide (Oxford University Press) by Abdul El-Sayed and Micah Johnson. This country [absolutely] needs #medicareforall. The current system is a mess that does not guarantee healthcare as a right. —@chris_cholagh, Instagram I just want healthcare to NOT be tied to a job. Think of the number of people who forego entrepreneurial pursuits...stay in jobs they hate...all because of their health insurance. —Alicia Thornwell, Facebook
Ah, my daughter spoke of this epidemiologist Dr. Abdul El-Sayed, who has also been a professor at WSU in Detroit. I think America needs to shift in order for a social medicine program to take place. This pandemic and last 4 years may be the shift needed for this; a basic medical program. The problem is America believes in stratification in wealth and goods, and it will be necessary to have a basic plan with access to higher health care for it to survive. —@motorcitylive, Instagram Kind of boomer level embarrassing that the wealthiest nation on earth for most of a century doesn’t have universal healthcare. —Patrick Martin, Facebook Sound off: letters@metrotimes.com.
Vol. 41 | Issue 17 | Feb. 10-16, 2021
Publisher - Chris Keating Associate Publisher - Jim Cohen
News & Views Feedback ............................... 4 Informed Dissent .................. 6
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The Lust Issue:
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Arts & Culture Weed + Valentine’s Day....... 16 Savage Love ......................... 20 Horoscopes .......................... 22
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EMPLOYMENT
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Industrial Engineering Manager, Plastic Omnium Auto Inergy, Troy, MI. Manage &lead industrial engrg team to engr &dvlp new architectures &lean mfg concepts for Inergy blow-molded, corrosion resistant plastic fuel tank syss incldg 6 co-extruded, multilayer structures such as Outer virgin HDPE layer; Regrind layer; Outer Adhesive (low density polyethelene, a plastic) layer, EVOH layer; Inner Adhesive layer; Inner virgin HDPE layer; PZEV Fuel Tank Syss; Twin Sheet Blow-Molding; Fuel Tank Syss for Hybrids; Blow molded plastic filler pipes incldg filler heads; &INBAFFLE. Define &implement key control characteristics that define upper &lower limits to mfg tolerance within plastic blow molding process incldg plastic parison settings, die gap settings, pressure settings, cycle time settings, water flow settings to the mold, to ensure process capability &stability to produce fuel tanks. Evaluate &approve production layouts using AutoCAD, specifying machines cycle times &operator work balance using MTM tool. Coach &mentor IE Team of Sr IEs&IEs. Manage blow mold press capacity across N. America region. Bachelor, Industrial, Chemical, or Mechanical Engrg. 12 mos exp as Engineer, defining &implementing key control characteristics during blow mold trial dvlpmt, that define upper &lower limits to mfg tolerance within plastic blow molding process incldg plastic parison settings, die gap settings, pressure settings, cycle time settings, water flow settings to the mold, to ensure process capability &stability to produce fuel tanks, or related. Mail resume to Ref#2524, POAI Human Resources, 2710 Bellingham Dr., Troy, MI 48083.
metrotimes.com | February 10-16, 2021
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NEWS & VIEWS
Gov. Ron DeSantis, the mini-Trump who runs Florida.
YES MARKET MEDIA / SHUTTERSTOCK.COM
Informed Dissent
Nuts, cheaters, and Ron DeSantis effre
I can show you the future of the R epublican P arty in two numbers, one q uote, and two legislative proposals. R eady? L et’s start with the numbers: 1 9 9 , the H ouse R epublicans who opposed stripping Q Anon lady Marjorie Taylor Greene of her committee assignments on Thursday; and 6 1 , the H ouse R epublicans who voted to remove R ep. L iz Cheney from her leadership position last Wednesday. Cheney’s transgression, of course, was voting to impeach Donald Trump for plainly impeachable acts — which immediately produced a primary challenge and the threat of censure from the Wyoming GOP . Y ou could interpret the caucus’s 1 45 – 6 1 vote in her favor as a sign that the party is moving past Trump, as some B eltway reporters did. B ut it was a secret ballot. The vote over Greene’s committee seats was not. Greene had Trump’s support, and a vote against her amounted to a public repudiation of the party’s leader and his base. So R epublicans bent themselves into pretzels trying to defend Greene without defending her lunacy. Some claimed to take at face value her newfound commitment to reality.
. illm n
n t e o se oor s e a mitte t at 9 / 1 1 and school shootings were not false a s a ro n o appla se ever one — and said she’d abandoned Q Anon in 2 0 1 8 : “ I was allowed to believe things that weren’t true, and I would ask q uestions about them and talk about them, and that is absolutely what I regret.” ( Not only is that a bizarre mea culpa, but it’s a lie.) Others said Democrats would rue the day they asserted “ a new right to be able to ex ercise a veto over minority committee assignments,” as R ep. Tom Cole put it, a thinly veiled acknowledgment that R epublicans o l ab se t e prece ent at t eir first opportunity. At a press conference on F riday, an unrepentant Greene declared that the party “ doesn’t belong to anybody else” but Trump. ( Weirdly, she also made R ep. Matt Gaetz, R -F lorida Man, horny. “ It was so good I almost had to smoke a cigarette afterward,” he told F ox News.) After the last week, the dynamic among H ouse R epublicans is clear: At least a third, probably more, are full MAGA. Those with reservations mostly keep them to themselves. The handful with brains and s ines won’t be welcome much longer.
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The party may be Trump’s, but the White H ouse isn’t. That brings us to the q uote, from a woman named Alice O’L enick: “ I will not let them end this session without changing some of these laws. They don’t have to change all of them, but they’ve got to change the major parts of them so that e t le st e s ot t innin [italics mine].” Contex t is everything, so here it is: J oe B iden won Georgia by 1 2 ,0 0 0 or so votes emocratic ens on sso and R aphael Warnock won by razorthin margins, too. So the legislature began its session this year by creating a Special Committee of Election Integrity — led by an infamous vote suppressor, state ep arr lemin an filin a raft of bills to restrict ballot access: eliminating automatic registration, ballot drop box es, and no-ex cuse absentee voting, for starters. e ostensible stification according to F leming, is election fraud: “ Democrats are relying on the alwayssuspect absentee balloting process to inch ahead in Georgia and other close states.” As became blindingly obvious during Trump’s post-election bullshit campaign, however, the only truly suspect
thing was that Democrats voted in numbers R epublicans didn’t like. The reality is what O’L enick said. She’s the R epublican chairwoman of the elections board in Gwinnett County in the Atlanta suburbs. In 2 0 1 6 , H illary Clinton won the county 5 1 –4 5 , a 1 9 ,0 0 0 vote spread. In November, B iden won it 5 8 –4 0 , a 7 5 ,0 0 0 -vote margin. O’L enick made the classic political a e o tellin t e tr t ep blicans don’t stop voters in Democratic areas from voting, they won’t be able to compete in a rapidly changing state. So that’s what they’re doing. F inally, the legislation, which takes us to F lorida and the mini-Trump who runs it, R on DeSantis, a man who is neither compelling nor charismatic but nonetheless intuits the belligerent mentality that was central to Trump’s appeal. L ike Trump, DeSantis’s political patron, he scorned ex pertise during the pandemic — pushing herd immunity, banning mask mandates, withholding information from the public, purchasing absurd q uantities of hydrox ychloroq uine, even siccing his cops on a prominent critic — while his state racked up more than 2 7 ,0 0 0 deaths. Also like Trump, DeSantis saw protests against police brutality as a chance to burnish his authoritarian cred. In his case, it was a bill that makes it a felony to pull down racist statues, allows the state to overrule any local government that cuts its police budget, and severely increases penalties for criminal acts committe rin a va el efine “ riot.” The bill also prohibits “ mob intimidation” — in other words, protests, if the DA says the protest carries the “ threat of force” — and makes dox x ing a first e ree mis emeanor And when Trump got banned by Twitter, DeSantis saw an opportunity. H e proposed a law — obnox iously unconstitutional, stupidly impractical, and the opposite of laissez-faire — to slap a a fines on social media companies that deplatform a political candidate. J ust to underline this: DeSantis wants to re uire private corporations to provide politicians with a free platform from which to spread propaganda, regardless of whether it’s factual, disseminates hate speech, or ex plicitly calls for violence. This is the future of the R epublican P arty: ex tremists acting with impunity, politicians owning the libs and basking in victimhood, and a party that unapologetically cheats when it can’t win. If there was a post-Trump civil war, it didn’t last long. et n ormed issent deli ered str i t to our in o . Su scri e tod t illm n.su st c .com.
metrotimes.com | February 10-16, 2021
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NEWS & VIEWS
Kelley O' Neill
Guests drink beers under Batch Brewing Co.’s “Fauci Fieldhouse” outdoor pavilion.
KELLEY O’NEILL
Closed — for now
Some Michigan restaurants are deciding not to reopen for indoor dining, even though it’s allowed B y L ee D eV ito
Before you make a reservation
for a table for two at a romantic restaurant for V alentine’s Day, consider this: some workers don’t want you there. Michigan allowed restaurants to reopen for indoor dining at the beginning of the month, following a “ pause” ordered in November to blunt the surge of COV ID-1 9 cases. The news was embraced by the many restaurant owners who have seen their business plummet during the pandemic. B atch B rewing Co. owner Stephen R oginson isn’t one of them. “ We are open, but we’re not reopening for indoor dining currently because of the health risks to our employees, and in general, because of the low percentage of people that have been vaccinated,” R oginson tells Metro Times. “ So we’re taking a cautious approach for the time being.” As with just about every other restaurant during the pandemic, times are tough for B atch B rewing Co. L ike others, o inson pivote to o erin eate o tdoor seating, which is considered more safe. B ut business isn’t what it used to be, and the outdoor heating has added
an additional ex pense. R estaurant labor costs are ideally supposed to make up around a max imum of 3 0 % of revenue. Now, R oginson says, B atch is running at about 5 0 % labor costs. Instead, R oginson tried to make the most of the situation by using the downtime to invest in his business. In April, early in the pandemic, he built a large pavilion — a pole barn with a metal roof and no walls — to ex pand his outdoor seating. H e’s taking the pandemic so seriously that he dubbed the structure the “ F auci F ieldhouse,” named after the infectious-disease ex pert. Even in Michigan’s brutal winter, customers continue to come to drink beers and eat food from rotating popup chefs. B atch B rewing Co. has also pivote to o erin canne beer to o as well as curbside carryout food, but R oginson says it’s not enough to save the business. “ P eople come here to hang out,” he says. “ This place is very much about the ex perience, so the curbside was never oin to be si nificant eno to sustain [us].” R oginson says the decision not to
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reopen was a personal one: A childhood friend who also owned a brewery and barbecue joint in Cincinnati died of COV ID-1 9 in December. “ I decided we’re not doing indoor ntil t e entire sta is vaccinate an until the majority of people have had the option to get vaccinated,” he says. The way things are going, that might not be until late 2 0 2 1 . Still, R oginson acknowledges he’s one of the luckier ones. The pavilion adds a potential 1 0 0 seats to his business. “ If we’re able to survive the pandemic, it’ll be a great asset,” he says. P lus, not every restaurant has a lot as large as B atch B rewing Co., which is situated on the outskirts of Corktown. “ A lot of owners are in a much tougher predicament than I am,” he says. “ My approach is by no means necessarily replicable or some sort of gold standard. It’s just dumb fucking luck.” While many restaurant-goers have welcomed the return of indoor dining as a return to “ normal,” and though COV ID-1 9 cases have continued to decline in Michigan since their peak during the holiday season, the virus is still very
much a threat. In ordering the “ pause” on indoor dining, the former Michigan Department of H ealth and H uman Services director R obert Gordon had made an enemy in the Michigan R estaurant an o in Association ic file a lawsuit against him, arguing that its industry was being unconstitutionally targeted. According to the MR L A, Michigan hotels and restaurants represent 1 0 percent of the state’s GDP and more than 1 2 percent of its workforce, and lost 3 ,0 0 0 businesses and more than 2 0 0 ,0 0 0 jobs throughout the pandemic. A judge dismissed the case due to the fact that restaurants are at risk of spreading COV ID-1 9 because diners ave to ta e t eir mas s o to eat On the same day last month that Governor Gretchen Whitmer announced the state would allow indoor dining to resume, Gordon abruptly resigned. At a press conference, Whitmer refused to ex plain why, but earlier that day Gordon had cautioned against indoor dining. “ Today’s announcement is possible because of our progress over the last two months,” Gordon said in a statement. “ Even so, the science is clear that unmasked, indoor activities like dining and drinking are still a source of high risk around COV ID-1 9 . The safest course remains to support your favorite restaurant with carryout, delivery, or outdoor dining.” Though Detroit recently announced that restaurant workers are now eligible for the vaccine, and R oginson says he and his employees are signed up to get them as soon as possible, he knows that t e vaccines on t o er imm nit “ It protects us from, theoretically, the orst e ects o t e isease e sa s “ It’s going to make sure that, if and when we get it, that we don’t end up in the hospital.” As an owner and employee — R oginson says he’s been logging 8 0 hours a week lately — he sees the risks that resta rant or ers ace first an “ When you’re here and you don’t have this thing at arm’s length, and you see the people who work for you and how this is their livelihood, you cannot take that lightly,” he says. H e adds, “ I’m trying to make the best out of the situation and keep my employees as safe as humanly possible.” Chef Godwin Ihentuge of Y umV illage in Detroit’s New Center area has also decided not to reopen for indoor dining, and, like R oginson, he’s used the pandemic as an opportunity to make changes to his business. L ast year, he pivoted his restaurant to Y umV illage Afro-Caribbean Market P antry, which he describes as a bodega- or bazaar-style marketplace that sells apparel, spices, recipe books, soaps, fresh-sq ueezed
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NEWS & VIEWS juices and smoothies, cocktails to-go, and other sundries, in addition to his carryout service, which now includes a meal plan featuring Afro-Caribbean “ TV dinners” that Ihentuge says now accounts for 3 7 % of his business. H e’s also pivoted to making newsletters, po casts an even o erin coo in an African drumming classes — anything to keep the company on people’s radars. Ihentuge says the change was born of necessity. As of F eb. 1 , Michigan restaurants are allowed to reopen with a 2 5 % capacity, with rules calling for social distancing and mask-wearing when diners aren’t eating, and a 1 0 p.m. curfew. Centers for Disease Control and P revention guidelines call for much more thorough cleaning to disinfect spaces bet een ests ent five percent capacity is only, like, eight people for us,” he says. “ It’s just not manageable. It’s not like before, where I was just ipin o a table an t en m tr in to do that in the midst of answering phones and taking online orders.” H e adds, “ At the end of the day, you can only buy so many gift cards. And so we took it upon ourselves to try to invest in things that will bring the revenue in so that we could continue to s pport o r team an o r sta an also stay open.” H e says the marketplace model will remain even after the pandemic ends. The owners of Michigan & Trumbull, a Corktown Detroit-style pizza restaurant that opened its brick-andmortar last year, have also decided not to reopen for indoor dining. Co-owner Kristen Calverley says they closed indoor dining back in November based on their own observations about the surge of coronavirus cases in Michigan. Calverley and her husband are lucky in that they’re both able to work the restaurant, with the help of another employee, which helps keep costs down. The decision not to reopen was partially made because their children, ages 6 and 1 2 , stay at the restaurant during the day, while they attend school remotely. “ I had a couple of shifts where I personally felt uncomfortable, and like I was putting my family at risk,” she says. Though they tried to open their rooftop patio for outdoor dining, they found the cost to keep the propane heaters running was prohibitive. P lus, as a pizza spot, they do plenty of carryout. “ We were kind of hoping we would get to the point where we wouldn’t work as much as we always have, but it looks like that’s just getting pushed back a bit,” Calverley says. Still, “ There’s really nothing else we would rather be do-
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ing,” she adds. Ultimately, Calverley and her husband are fortunate because they’re in control of their situation. Many other restaurant workers aren’t so lucky — they have no other choice but to return back to work because they have bills to pay. o fin t at en spea to m peers, they have a similar mindset where it’s like, would it be great to be open? Y es,” she says. “ B ut are we bummed that we’re not open? Not necessarily. No one wants to get sick. And sometimes the ex penses of operating when you’re at such a reduced capacity is just not worth it, either.” Calverley says she wishes the restaurant industry could do as other business owners have done and use this downtime to reimagine itself. Too many restaurant workers lack benefits an financial sec rit a or e to employees in other industries, she says, and restaurant workers are treated as ex pendable. “ This is a career for a lot of people,” she says. “ It’s unfortunate that people don’t view it that way.” She adds, “ We all are just trying to keep our heads above water. If we could take a breath and sort of unify, I do feel like there’s a great opportunity to kind of overhaul the entire industry.” One bartender, who works one day a week in addition to her full-time job as a funeral home director and asked for anonymity in ex change for candor, tells Metro Times that she doesn’t believe restaurants should reopen now. “ I know we need to save and help restaurant workers, but reopening for dine-in is not the way to do it right now,” she says. “ On top of guests being rude and not understanding the rules, this is an atmosphere that spreads the virus. At funeral homes we are limited to 2 5 people, who need to be masked the whole time they are in our building. Y et restaurants, depending on size of co rse can ave si nificantl more t an people o all ave t eir mas s o Still, she says, “ I feel for my fellow service industry workers and I miss t e e tra cas b t on t e ip si e t e month of J anuary at my funeral home was brutal. J ust as cases seem to be going down, we reopen. I feel cases are just going to spike again and I’m going to be st c in t e mi le selfis sounding, I know.” She adds, “ P eople are ignorant. Give service industry people money to pay for their lives so they’re not risking their own so people can have a fucking craft beer and not have to clean up after themselves.”
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FEATURE Brandi Love Fleshlight
WeVibe GSpot wireless
Batteries Not Included 20 sex toys, gadgets, and surprises to make it through Valentine’s Day in quarantine By Jerilyn Jordan
If you would’ve told us that we would’ve spent most of 2020 —
and, as it’s shaping up, most of 2021 — alone, at home, in bed, with one hand in our pants and the other in a Doritos bag, we would have said “we’re more of a Takis Fuego family,” but yeah. We sure have done a whole lot of masturbating the last year, and it’s made us realize how much we miss intimate touch, but also just how normal regular masturbation has become. Long gone is the stigma attached to being single and also horny, and for those with significant others in their pandemic pods, it’s fun to incorporate toys, tools, and other surprises into the bedroom, because sometimes you need to boost sexy time into high gear after applying acne cream, binging The Office while eating day three of microwaveable dinners. No shame, but also, no game.
While it remains safest to stay home, stay masked, and stay at least six feet away from anyone not in your household, there isn’t a damn thing that says we need to stay away from ourselves, which is why this list of must-have pandemic sex toys might just keep us satisfied until it’s safe again to pursue the real thing. In the meantime, vaccinate us, daddy.
For anyone who wants to stick their wang in the Death Star Optimum Power Masturball Stroker, $69.95 Lover’s Lane, various locations, loverslane.com OK, so this isn’t a Star Wars trademarked product, but the Optimum Power Masturball Stroker does look like the Death Star. But instead of fucking the galaxy, it provides oral-like pleasure to your nether region. The sinister-looking Masturball features 10 vibration functions, three compression functions, and “sensitive tickler pads” for, you know, stroking. It’s also rechargeable and can last for one hour of play, which, let’s be real, is a long time to be stroking your lightsaber. Oh, and unlike the Death Star, this thing is waterproof.
For anyone who misses a tireless mouth on that spot Lora Dicarlo Baci Clitoral Massager, $160 Spectrum Boutique, online only, spectrumboutique.com
If you’ve been quarantining solo, then you probably miss clitoral stimulation — and we’re not talking about the vibrator kind. We’re talking suction, baby. Now, while it could be argued that nothing beats the real thing, the Baci Clitoral Massager from Lora Dicarlo is a damn good alternative. Offering two types of clitoral stimulation simultaneously gives the sensation of both lips and tongue stroking and sucking, thanks to air pressure tech. Easy to hold, USB rechargeable, and made of easy-to-clean silicone; we think you might have just found your new best friend. (Or at least we have.)
For anyone who wants to take their orgasm to a higher plane The Amethyst - Original, $249.99 Chakrubs, online only, chakrubs.com Once offered through Gwyneth Paltrow’s GOOP, you know, right next to GP’s “THIS SMELLS LIKE MY VAGINA” candle ($75), this Detroit-born brand
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is all about restoring balance through hand-crafted playtime tools that should never be relegated to the bedside table drawer. Chakrub specializes in smooth and sleek sex toys made from natural crystals, with the intent to arouse, heal, and create the perfect moment of zen. When it comes to one of Chakrub’s classic offerings, this amethyst toy is meant to promote positivity through meditative and calming strokes, and can be used to enhance lucid dreaming, imagination, and intuition.
For those who need to behave themselves — and who also rarely lose their keys Asylum 4-Ring Locking Chastity Cage, $109.99 Janet’s Dungeon, 2317 Fort St., Wyandotte; 734-285-2609; janetsdungeon.com Have you been touching yourself a bit too much? No, we know, there’s no such thing, but for those who lack control and want someone else to take over, welcome this device, which will lock your little — or big — Houdini up so you can focus on, well, more pressing matters. The Asylum Chastity Cage is stainless steel and curves for your curve with a removable cap at the tip. Now, here’s where things get tricky: The kit comes with a lock and key set so you can eventually free your peen, which you will absolutely want to do at some point. For an added challenge, you could ask your quarantine partner to hide a few around the house. Just, for the love of god, don’t forget where they are or do anything to piss off the key hider.
For the person who is very new to butt stuff but wants to give it a whirl Luxe Beginner Plug Kit, $28 Spectrum Boutique, 0nline only, spectrumboutique.com Don’t over anal-yze it. Despite the rise in the popularity of butt stuff, not everyone is down to knock on their backdoor. But for those newbies who want to see what all the fuss is about before trying with a partner, there’s the Luxe Beginner Plug Kit. Think of it like training wheels for your butt. Each of the three uniquely-sized silicone plugs offers a tapered tip to make insertion and removal a smooth experience, allowing you to build up to the largest of the plugs. If you want to, you’ll be a butt stuff pro in no time.
For lovers who are quarantining apart but want to get all up in there We-Vibe Jive Hands-Free G-Spot Vibrator, $119; We-Vibe Pivot C-Ring, $109 Lover’s Lane, various locations, loverslane.com Our hearts and parts go out to any couples, lovers, and side pieces who’ve been unable to do the deed due to the ultimate mojo killer — the pandemic. Well, there’s an app for that — and some fun vibrating toys to go with. The company We-Vibe offers a variety of toys that sync up with phone apps so lovers near or far can play along. For those with a neglected G-spot, there’s the Jive Hands-Free G-Spot Vibrator that pairs with the app that allows for customizable vibration patterns. There’s penis rings, too, which can also
Masturball Stroker
Vesper Crave necklace OxBalls SackJack
Olga Heart double dildo
Asylum 4 ring chastity cage
Uberime tentacle
Le Wand
be controlled via an app but, if used with a partner, can provide some fun rumbles for them, too.
For those who need some backdoor — and perineum — love Lelo, Hugo Remote Prostate Massager, $219 Lover’s Lane, various locations, loverslane.com Prostates need love, too. Bring those P-spot orgasms to new heights with a little help from Hugo. Though this toy can be enjoyed solo or during couples play, the Hugo Remote Prostate Massager by Lelo has two motors in the base and tip for interior and exterior pleasure and comes with a remote so you can play with yourself in more ways than one. Not only does the toy boast a smooth shape for easy insertion and offers six vibration patterns, but it also has an external motor to massage the perineum. For those not in the know, cisgender males and those assigned male at birth can achieve prostate orgasm by, well, massaging the prostate internally or by giving the perineum (aka the taint) a nice rubdown. Massage together That’s for you to find out. Oh, it should be noted that this toy can be enjoyed by everyone because, yeah, it’s that good.
For those who want a powerful massager (wink, wink)
Le Wand Rechargeable 10-Speed Wand Massager, $136 Cirilla’s, various locations; cirillas.com There’s a reason wand massagers are
among some of the best selling vibes on the market. Maybe you recall stumbling upon this massager in your parents’ bathroom cupboard and thinking, “Well, my mom does complain about having a sore neck a lot,” only to, many years later, realize that wands hold a magic that no wizard can possibly possess. This particular wand, the Le Wand echargeable variety, offers distinctive, very rumbly vibration speeds up to , PM and patterns. If you haven’t guessed by now, the wand is the clitoris’s best friend, one that will never let you down or stand you up. After all, you can’t recharge a best friend, now can you?
For the person who misses a very specific phallus Clone-A-Willy Vibrating Silicone Molding Kit, $49.95 Spectrum Boutique, 0nline only, spectrumboutique.com Penises are like snow akes, and each one is totally unique. From veins, creases, and curvature, it’s likely that everyone who likes penises has a favorite one, or two, or, OK, maybe three to enjoy. But if you can narrow it down to the top tip, there’s the Clone-A-Willy kit, which allows you to copy your fave phallus. The medically tested IY dildo mold kit walks you through the process of casting your own toy, which includes an optional Slimline vibrator.
Well, folks, sometimes toys that only vibrate don’t do the job. Sometimes you need an extra push, or in the case of this warming toy, a thrust. The Zalo esire Preheating Thruster offers an auto-thrusting capability to imitate intercourse with six different thrusting patterns. And for those who want to heat things up, this thruster has a preheating option to match your perfect body temperature. It’s also splashproof, USB rechargeable, and, did we mention the thrusting?
For those who want to live out their double-penetration fantasy minus the people BS Atelier, Olga Heart Double Dildo, $133.99 Cirilla’s, various locations; cirillas.com If the idea of filling yourself up — you know, in all the ways one could, uh, be filled up, but without the performative pressure — gets your mojo moving, and if you like hand-crafted strapless strap-ons from Valencia, Spain, this double-donger is a fun investment. Apparently, BS Atelier toys are made in a small workshop in Spain with medical-grade silicone, including the Olga Heart Double Dildo that features a hand-painted heart (aw!) and, you know, plugs for each end to be enjoyed with or without a harness.
For the person who needs an extra push Zalo Desire Preheating Thruster, $145
For those who want to give their pelvic floors a workout and give themselves a discreet orgasm at the same time Lelo, LUNA Beads, $59
Spectrum Boutique, 0nline only, spectrumboutique.com
Lover’s Lane, various locations, loverslane.com
Hate working out? Uh, hard same. What if we told you that you could strengthen your pelvic oor muscles while on your, like, 35th Zoom call of the day, and, you know, maybe also feel a little tingle in the process? Look no further than the discreet LUNA Beads by Lelo, which serve as a weighted Kegel exercise tool. If you didn’t know, the vaginal wall and pelvic oor muscles are pretty darn important. Not only are they key to sexual function, but they also help with organ support, posture, stability, and sphincteric function, too. The LUNA Beads come with four interchangeable weighted balls (two -gram balls and two -gram balls , and an easy-to-insert silicone harness and pull cord for easy removal. Just by inserting them, your bits are doing the work, but you can also do some tighten and release exercises while they’re inside to take things a bit further. But here’s where the workout gets fun. The weights roll around within the ball, creating a delicate and silent vibration sensation, so Barb from Accounting will never know that you’re multitasking on the other side of the screen.
For those who like their butt play to be metal AF Le Wand Swerve, $135 Lover’s Lane, various locations, loverslane.com OK, so we know what you’re thinking: Why would you want to stick a big ol’ hunk of metal junk in your trunk? Well, for one, the Le Wand Swerve isn’t your average hunk of metal. And, secondly, why the hell not? Anyway,
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WeVibe cockring
Zalo Desire preheating thruster
Clone-A-Willy kit
Touch lube warmer
Laura DiCarlo Baci clitoral massager
the Le Wand Swerve is a dual-ended and textured stainless steel anal toy that provides weighted pressure that, dare we say, not even the real thing can provide. It’s easy to clean, and you can submerge the toy in either hot or cold water to bring your backdoor pleasure to your preferred temperature. Either way, it’s gonna be hot.
For those folks who want to swap sweatpants for chains … but back into sweatpants Delilah Bra and Garter Set, $44 Lover’s Lane, various locations, loverslane.com Look, we get it. Putting on anything that doesn’t feature an elastic waistband sounds like a goddamn nightmare. But maybe, just maybe, for a couple of hours you could look to your inner Rihanna and spice up that virtual booty call you’ve been putting off because, well, Real Housewives and pandemic fatigue. Lover’s Lane has all the fetishwear to turn your wardrobe from “Are you OK?” to, well, something less sad than concern over your personal hygiene. The Delilah Bra and Garter Set comes in a variety of sizes and is made from a stretchy leather-like fabric.
For those who want to step up their whackin’ it in tube sock game Oxballs SackJack Textured Cock and Ball Stroker, $66 Spectrum Boutique, 0nline only, spectrumboutique.com Say goodbye to crusty tube sock jerk ses-
sions, the Oxballs SackJack is here! The textured cock-and-ball stroker acts as a sleeve to meld to one’s twig and berries to elevate masturbation, thanks to the inner nubs and ridges that will serve up a stroke for stroke. That’s, like, a lot of stimulation, y’all. Good luck finding a dumb ol’ sock that can do that!
For the human who wants to bang like an extraterrestrial Uberrime Xenuphota Alien Tentacle Silicone Dildo, $69 Spectrum Boutique, 0nline only, spectrumboutique.com We cum in peace? This, as you can see, is not your average dildo, and it’s not for an average orifice. The ideal humanoid to take on the textured 6.75-inch Uberrime Xenuphota Alien Tentacle Dildo is for those who might fancy a cephalopod or who has watched Aliens a wee too many times. It’s described as having some “squish,” but hard enough to maintain some vigorous probing.
For those who see the value in treating themselves — and lubing up Touch Lubricant Warmer, $119 Lover’s Lane, various locations, loverslane.com We sure have come a long way from digging our hands in a crusty jar of Vaseline to lube up for solo or partnered sexy time. Never again will you spit in your hand or interrupt the session to, like, grab a slippery-ass bottle, which will absolutely make a gross squirty sound. The future is now,
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Le Wand Swerve
thanks to the hands-free Touch Lubricant Warmer, which is an automated heating dispenser for your lube of choice, with three dispensing options. Did we mention that it heats the lube so you don’t startle your genitals? They’re very jumpy.
For those who want to hide their insatiable needs in plain sight Crave Vesper Vibrator Necklace, $69 (silver), $79 (rose gold), and $149 (gold) Spectrum Boutique, 0nline only, spectrumboutique.com This ain’t your grandma’s pearl necklace. OK, that’s not, like, what we’re saying. This is actually the oh-so-sleek and chic Crave Vesper Vibrator Necklace that, at first glance, is a striking pendant that would look beautiful adorning any set of cleavage. But with a closer look — and touch — the stainless-steel Crave necklace offers three levels of vibration and pulsation. Worried about sound? Don’t be. This necklace will make less sound than you will after using it. (Spoiler alert: This makes a great gift … for us … who have wanted to get our hands and other parts on this bad boy for years. Honey? Are you reading?)
For those who want to take their Fleshlight to the next level Fleshlight on a Mission Mount by Liberator, $175 Fleshlight Girls Brandi Love Hearthrob, $79 The Fleshlight is a classic masturbation toy for a reason, and it’s time for
the negative stigma to stop. As one of the most joked-about tools, the Fleshlight is a pleasure maker for the ultimate pleasure seeker. The Fleshlight on a Mission Mount by Liberator takes Fleshlight use to new levels and angles for a more realistic and handsfree thrust sesh for your penis. Made with firm and supportive foam, the On a Mission positions the Fleshlight at the perfect angle to simulate sex with a partner or create a comfy way to deliver some oral while you go to town with your Fleshlight friend.
For those who want to get in shape the sexy way — and for those who don’t get motion-sick easily PowerPole Pro, $399 Lover’s Lane, various locations, loverslane.com Alexa, play “Earned It” by The Weeknd. That’s right, folks, you too can be the pole-dancing diva — or divo — of your dreams. If Yoga by Adrienne videos on YouTube are no longer cutting it as far as your daily workout goes, spice it up with the PowerPole Pro Portable Dance Pole, which was created under the advice of professional pole dancers. As long as you follow the installation instructions, the PowerPole Pro touts itself as being able to endure the rigor of high-impact routines. Oh, did we mention this bad boy spins? So pop a dramamine and fire up the ol’ oom, because date night just got a whole lot more dizzy.
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CULTURE
Most folks are still mostly smoking their weed rather than eating it, vaping it, or rubbing it onto their skin.
Flowers are still the queens of the marijuana world.
COURTESY OF HERBOLOGY CANNABIS CO.
For Valentine’s Day, get your lover (marijuana) flowers B y L arry G abriel
A few years back I had a discussion with some folks who were looking to open up a marijuana business in Detroit. According to these investors, analytics told them that in four years the vast majority of the marijuana market would be ex tracts rather than o ers at asn t appene et F lowers are still the q ueens of the marijuana world. C3 Industries is one of the bigger pla ers in ic i an it five i rofile o ti e annabis s ops across the state, in addition to the Cloud Cover Cannabis grow business. P resident and CF O V ishal R ungta says t at o er is to percent o t eir sales, and he ex pects it to maintain that market share as the industry grows. are a a o ner o erbolo annabis o an erbal ealin in R iver R ouge, sees something similar. “ F lowers are still the No. 1 seller,” he sa s Abo t to percent o sales are o ers
at means t at most ol s are still mostly smoking their weed rather than eating it, vaping it, or rubbing it onto their skin. If you add in the very si nificant ille al mari ana mar et ic is almost totall abo t o ers buds are really the behemoths of the marijuana business. ot t at t ere aren t times en edible and ex tract sales spike upward. a a reports t at en is stores first began selling recreational marijuana, sales of vape cartridges and edibles picked up. “ P eople were buying everything t e re cannabis c rio s tr in everything — they still are,” he says. o ar t e oli a s t ere as a spi e in e ibles an cartri es e re reall nice stoc in st ers a a e pects a similar spi e or alentine s a an as enerate a custom card and stickers to go along it t ose alentine s a treats err illen o ner o e reen o se in Walled L ake, agrees that “ buds are
16 February 10-16, 2021 | metrotimes.com
the cream of the crop,” but he ex pects a pickup for infused products for alentine s a too e s stoc e p on cannabis-infused items, such as chocolate-covered cherries, chocolates hearts, and Mackinac Island fudge. ere s even a little somet in ne or t e o er lovers pre rolls rappe in rose petals. “ I try to do special products during holidays,” Millen says. Special products for special occasions — that seems to be the case for all kinds of consumable products. ari ana isn t an i erent t as you peruse — and maybe get confused — by the myriad of products, remember ost ol s are an in in t ere with a good old-fashioned joint, even i it s rappe in rose petals
Democratic Senators say they’ll file legislation to legalize weed is is t e first time e ve ear this kind of thing from as high up
the ladder as the U.S. Senate. L ast week, Senate Majority L eader Chuck Schumer, along with Sens. Cory oo er an on en all emocrats anno nce t at t e re or ing on comprehensive marijuana reform legislation. is co l be t e bi c ance it a ne a ministration resi ent oe i en ran on a plat orm t at as marijuana-friendly. ere are no etails o t e possible legislation, but one indication is that marijuana tax money would go toward helping communities that ave s ere most rin t e ar on r s st as ic i an s le ali ation law was aimed. P ractically speaking, two federal policies nee to c an e ne is t at marijuana needs to be removed from Schedule 1 of the Controlled Substances Act, and banks need to be able to do business with marijuana companies without the fear of money-laundering charges. F or the average patient or user, that would mean they can use a credit card at the marijuana shop. It would also mean removal of the shady but real chance that anyone involved in the marijuana business could be charged under prohibitive e eral la even t o t e re operating legally under state law. n ecember t e o se passed the Marijuana Opportunity, R einvestment, and Ex pungement Act t e first cannabis le ali ation bill ever to ma e it to t e oor o on ress e vote ell lar el alon party lines, with six Democrats votin a ainst t e bill an five ep blicans voting for it. e le islation o l remove marijuana from the federal Controlled Substances Act, ex punge some criminal records, create funding for people and communities impacted by the War on Drugs, and allow for more testing and research of cannabis.
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CULTURE Q:
I’m positive you’ve written something about this in the past. I have searched your archives but have only m n ed to nd eo le r uin in t e comments about this topic when what I want is your advice. My 1 6 -year-old son is stealing our sex toys. My son took my husband’s handheld toy several months ago. I found it where it shouldn’t have been and let my husband know. H e talked to our son and told him these are personal items, like a toothbrush, and that he needed to stop taking them. A few weeks ago I noticed my dildo was missing. I thought I had misplaced it or that my husband hid it somewhere. As it turns out, our son took it. We talked with him again and stressed that these are personal items and not something to be shared. I want to get him his own toy so he stops taking ours. My husband is sq uicked out about it and I agree it’s weird to have your parents buy a toy for you, but he clearly wants one. I don’t want to pick it out. I want to give him a prepaid gift card and have him pick out what he wants from the website of a reputable shop. Is there a better way to handle this? —Mama In H ouston
Savage Love B y D an Savage
A : Teenagers. Going into their rooms
for even a second — even just to leave clean and folded laundry on their beds — is an unforgivable invasion of their privacy, a world-historical crime on a par with the Nazi invasion of P oland, an atrocity that should land Mom and Dad in a cell in the H ague. B ut that same kid will tear their parents’ bedroom apart looking for Mom and Dad’s sex toys, any cash Mom and Dad have at home, Mom and Dad’s secret stash of pot, etc. B ecause while they’re entitled to absolute privacy, Mom and Dad — or Dad and Dad or Mom and Mom — aren’t entitled to any privacy at all. ( And your son may never forgive you for the embarrassment you caused him when you asked him not to steal — and not to use — your dildo.) H ow do you handle this? Y ou could forbid him to go into your bedroom. Y ou could even put a lock on your bedroom door. B ut you’ll forget to lock it one day or one day he’ll learn to pick the lock and before you know it he’ll be back in your bedroom picking through your sex toys. Y ou could run out the clock. Y our son is 1 6 years old and he’ll hopefully be out of the house in less time than it took
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lon eno to elp im fill o t t ose college applications.
Q:
JOE NEWTON
to get him out of diapers. Twenty-four short months, hundreds of millions of COV ID vaccinations, and a few college applications are all that stand between you and having your house all to yourselves again. At that point, you and your husband won’t have to worry about your son stealing your sex toys — hell, at that point you can make a lovely centerpiece out of them for the dining room table. B ut while running out the clock allows you to avoid some sq uickiness, you’re still gonna have to worry about him swiping your sex toys or — even worse — swiping one, using it, and then putting it back without cleaning it properly. Most 1 6 -year-old boys can’t clean themselves properly; the odds that your son is capable of sterilizing your dildo after using it on himself are very, very low. ( The odds that your son can make you wanna jump in a time machine and go back 1 7 years and sterilize yourself? V ery, very high.) Y ou could buy him some sex toys. I think this is the best option. Get your son a gift card that he can blow on some toys for himself at a reputable sex toy shop. Or you could pick out a few for him — you already have a pretty good an le on t e t pe o se to s e fin s appealing — and leave those toys for him on his bed nex t to his clean and folded laundry. H aving a few sex toys of his own won’t necessarily stop him from tearing your bedroom apart — there’s still o r pot an cas to fin b t it will make him less likely to tear your bedroom apart looking for sex toys. And perhaps most importantly, buying your son some sex toys will allow you to suspend your disbelief and pretend your son isn’t looking through your sex toys
A few weeks ago in your column, you were responding to a guy who was unsure about his relationship because his boyfriend’s kinks didn’t match up with his own. Y ou said that kinks are “ hard-wired” and that, for someone who has them, acting on their kinks is necess r or t em to e ul llin se li e. o . t le t off t e e t me. This is something I’ve struggled with most of my life and that made things so cr st l cle r. rom t e time s rst sexually aware, I knew I was gay and t t s ttr cted to S . m e years out of a 2 0 -year relationship. My partner and I dabbled in B D SM, but I never felt like he was really into it. H e was j ust doing it for me. When I asked what I could do for him, he’d always say “ nothing.” That made it even more disappointing. The relationship didn’t end o er is stuff ut re ret stic in it it nd n un ul llin se li e or so lon . e in stuff st rted so e rl or me. H ard-wired doesn’t even begin to describe it. Pre-puberty, I was fascinated when I saw guys getting tied up on TV , in comics, and in movies. B ut now here I am, single and 6 3 years old. I haven’t dated anyone since my relationship ended. I don’t want to date purely vanilla people or people with kinks that aren’t compatible with mine. I’m j ust not sure what to do. Any advice? —I’ve N o C lever Acronym
A:
In the column where I described kinks as hard-wired — which they are for most people, INCA, although some folks do manage to acq uire them — I didn’t advise kinky people to date only other kinky people. So long as a kinky person isn’t ( 1 ) being shamed and ( 2 ) is allowed to enjoy their kinks with others who share them, a mix ed kink/ vanilla relationship can work. So don’t limit yourself to dating only guys who are into B DSM. Date vanilla guys you meet through mainstream dating apps, but be open about your kinks from the start and be clear about your intent to enjoy your kinks with guys who share them. And date kinky guys you meet on kink dating apps — there are plenty of guys your age on R econ, the biggest personals site for kinky, gay, and bi men, and guys of all ages who are into guys your age. Good luck.
V isit metrotimes.com to see the full article. Q uestions? mail@savagelove.net. Follow D an on Twitter @FakeD anSavage, savagelovecast.com.
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CULTURE ARIES: March 21 – April 19 Author Anton Chekhov made a radical proposal: ” P erhaps the feelings we ex perience when we are in love represent a normal state. B eing in love shows people who they should be.” In accordance with astrological potentials, my beloved Aries darling, I invite you to act as if Chekhov› s proposal were absolutely true for at least the nex t two weeks. B e animated by a generous lust for life. Assume that your intelligence will reach a peak as you ex press ex cited kindness and a ectionate compassion e a o nt of fond feelings and cheerful empathy and nourishing ardor. TAURUS: April 20 – May 20 oet an filmma er ean Cocteau told the following story about Taurus composer Erik Satie ( 1 8 6 6 – 1 9 2 5 ) : When Satie died, his old friends, many of whom were highly accomplished people, came to visit his apartment. There they discovered that all the letters they had sent him over the years were unopened. Satie had never read them! H ow sad that
he missed out on all that lively ex change. I beg you not to do anything that even remotely resembles such a lack of receptivity during the coming weeks, Taurus. In fact, please do just the opposite: Make yourself as open as possible to en a ement an in ence. I understand that the pandemic somewhat limits your social interactions. J ust do the best you can. GEMINI: May 21 – June 20 On behalf of the cosmic omens, I demand that the important people in your life be reliable and generous toward you in the coming weeks. Y ou can tell them I said so. Tell them that you are doing pretty well, but that in order to transform pretty well into very well, you need them to boost their support and encouragement. R ead them the following words from author Alan Cohen: “ Those who love you are not fooled by mistakes you have made or dark images you hold about yourself. They remember your beauty when you feel ugly; your wholeness when you are broken; your innocence when you feel guilty; and your purpose when you are confused.” CANCER: June 21 – July 22 F or a while, poet Alfred de Musset ( 1 8 1 0 – 1 8 5 7 ) was the sex ual partner of Cancerian novelist George Sand ( 1 8 0 4– 1 8 7 6 ) , also known as Aurore Dupin. H e said that after intense love-making sessions, he would fall asleep an a e p to fin er sittin at her desk, engrossed in working on her nex t book. Maybe the erotic ex change inspired her creativity? In accordance with current astrological potentials, I recommend Sand› s approach to you. V igorous pleasure will coordinate well with hard work. As will deep release with strong focus. As will tender intimacy with clear thinking. ( P .S., I know your options for pleasure and intimacy may be somewhat limited because of the pandemic. Call on your ingenuity and resourcefulness to work the best magic possible.) LEO: July 23 – August 22 L eo poet Warsan Shire suggests, “ Document the moments you feel most in love with yourself — what you’re wearing, who you’re around, what you’re doing. R ecreate and repeat.” This would be an ex cellent ex ercise for you to carry out during this V alentine season. Y ou› re in a phase when you› re likely to enhance your lovability and attract ex tra support simpl b intensi in an refinin t e a ectionate compassion o eel and ex press toward yourself.
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Free Will Astrology B y R ob B rez sny VIRGO: August 23 – Sept. 22 I wish the pandemic would give us a short break so we could celebrate the V alentine season with max imum sensual revelry and ex travagant displays of joyful tenderness. I wish e co l rip o o r mas s an or et about social-distancing and hug and kiss everyone who wants to be hugged and kissed. B ut that› s not going to happen. If we hope to be free to indulge in a L ush L ove and L ust F estival by V alentine Season in 2 0 2 2 , we› ve got to be cautious and controlled now. And we’re all counting on you V irgos to show us how to be as wildly, lyrically romantic as possible while still observing the necessary limitations. That’s your special task. LIBRA: Sept. 23 – Oct. 22 Author R aymond Carver wrote, “ It ought to make us feel ashamed when we talk like we know what we’re talking about when we talk about love.” That seems li e a ars oversimplification to me. P ersonally, I think it’s fun and interesting to pretend we know what we› re talking about when we talk about love. And I think that will be especially true for you in the coming weeks. In my astrological opinion, you should be discussing love ex tensively and boldly an ima inativel o s o l re efine what love means to you. Y ou should re-evaluate how you ex press it and reconfi re t e a it or s in o r li e SCORPIO: Oct. 23 – Nov. 21 I’m turning over this horoscope to psychologist J ohn Welwood. H is words are the medicine you need at this juncture in the evolution of intimacy. Study the following q uote and interpret it in ways that help illuminate your relationship with togetherness: “ A soul connection is a resonance between two people who respond to the essential beauty of each other’s individual natures, behind their facades, and who connect on this deeper level. This kind of mutual recognition provides the catalyst for a potent alchemy. It is a sacred alliance whose purpose is to help both partners discover and realize their deepest potentials.” . SAGITTARIUS: Nov. 22 – Dec. 21 Transform yourself with the sweetest challenge you can dream up. Give yourself a blessing that will compel you to get smarter and wilder. Dazzle yourself as you dare to graduate from your history. R ile yourself up with a push to become your better self, your best sel o r ama in l lfille an masterful self. Ask yourself to leap over the threshold of ordinary magic and into the realm of spooky good magic.
And if all that works out well, Sagittarius, direct similar energy toward someone you care about. In other words, transform them with the sweetest challenge you can dream up. Dare them to graduate from their history. And so on. CAPRICORN: Dec. 22 – Jan. 19 I invite you to compose a message to a person you› d like to be closer to and whom you› re sure would like to be closer to you. B e inspired by what poet Clementine von R adics wrote to the man she was dating, telling him why she thought they could start living together. H ere› s her note: “ B ecause you tex ted me a haiku about the moon when you were drunk. B ecause you cried at the end of the movie D ie H ard on Christmas eve. B ecause when I’m sick you bring me fruit, kiss me on the mouth, and hold me even though I’m ross eca se o brin me o ers or no reason but on V alentine’s Day you gave me a bouq uet of R eese’s P eanut B utter Cups. B ecause every time I show you a poem I love you’ve read it already.” AQUARIUS: Jan. 20 – Feb. 18 I’ve adopted some lines from poet Walt Whitman for you to use in composing a love note. Send it to a person you know and love, or to a person you want to know and love, or a person you will know and love in the future. H ere it is: “ We are oaks growing in the openings side by side. We are t o fis es s immin to et er e are two predatory hawks, soaring above and looking down. We are two clouds driving overhead. We are seas mingling, two cheerful waves rolling over each other. We are snow, rain, cold, darkness. We circle and circle till arriving home again, voiding all but freedom and our own joy.” PISCES: Feb.19 – March 20 “ To heal is to touch with love that which was previously touched by fear,” wrote author Stephen L evine. I propose you make this theme a keynote for your best relationships in the coming days. What can you do to alleviate the anx iety and agitation of the people you care for? H ow might they do the same for you? If you play along with the cosmic rhythms, you will have ex traordinary power to chase away fear with love. This week’s homework: H ow has the pandemic changed your approach to getting and giving love? H ow have the restrictions on our ability to mingle with each other altered the ways you seek intimacy? FreeWillAstrology.com
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for the quartine must not be sick. Must be clean and wear mask. Outcalls only incalls are at your cost. Hey I’m here to help. This is Candy melt in your mouth so try my massages they’re sweet as can be!!! (734) 596-1376
ESCORT
FOOT GODDESS EBONY Let my feet have fun with you. Hourly session $200. No blocked calls/texts will be answered. Not an escort | 24/7 | In Call 517-715-7173
TO ADVERTISE WITH DETROIT METRO TIMES CALL (313) 961-4060
Naturally dominant you should have a love & fetish for chocolate pie. Fetish fantasies a guarantee submissive visitor 313-671-0546
ADULT ESCORT
MALE MODEL
Bi guy seeks hot bi model looking guy to workout with, grab a bite, hang with etc. few times a week, possible travel. You should be masculine and at least 6’2 or taller, athletic, slim, toned and defined in all areas. All after 5 pm with flexible schedule-hours. $4-500/week. brown6355@yahoo.com
CARS
DISH TV $59.99 For 190 Channels + $14.95 High Speed Internet. Free Installation, Smart HD DVR Included, Free Voice Remote. Some restrictions apply. 1-855-380-2501.
STUDENT LOANS
STRUGGLING WITH YOUR PRIVATE STUDENT LOAN PAYMENT? New relief programs can reduce your payments. Learn your options. Good credit not necessary. Call the Helpline 888-670-5631 (M-F 9am-5pm Eastern)
NOTARY
NEED A NOTARY Please call 248.747.2993
LEGAL SERVICES
NEED HELP WITH FAMILY LAW? Can’t Afford a $5000 Retainer? Low Cost Legal Services - Pay As You GoAs low as $750-$1500Get Legal Help Now! Call 1-844-821-8249 Mon-Fri 7am to 4pm PCT
metrotimes.com | February 10-16, 2021
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