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46 CURRENT • January 31-February 6, 2018 • sacurrent.com sacurrent.com • June 28-July 4, 2017 • CURRENT 51
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I am a 38-year-old lesbian, very femme, very out. I have a coworker I can’t figure out. We’ve worked together for a year and gotten very close. I never want to put out the wrong signals to coworkers, and I err on the side of keeping a safe but friendly distance. This is different. We are each other’s confidants at work. We stare at each other across the office, we text until late at night, and we go for weekend dog walks. Her texts aren’t overtly flirty, but they are intimate and feel more than friendly. I’ve never had a “straight” girl act like this toward me. Is she into me? Or just needy? Is it all in my head? Workplace Obsession Roiling Knowing-If-Nervous Gal
promotion away from becoming her supervisor and your company doesn’t incentivize workplace romances by banning them, ask your coworker out on a date — an unambiguous ask for a date, not an appointment to meet up at the dog park. And this is important: Before she can respond to your ask, WORKING, invite her to say “no” if the answer is no or “straight” if the identity is straight. Good luck!
I’m a lesbian, and my partner recently reconnected with a childhood friend. At first I felt sorry for him, as he was having a health crisis. But he’s better now, and his pushy behavior really gets to me. He texts her at all hours — and when he can’t get in touch with her, he bugs me. When I refused to go on a trip with him and his Five weeks ago, a letter writer jumped husband, he guilt-tripped me for down my throat for giving advice to weeks. He constantly wants us lesbians despite not being a lesbian to come to his house, but they’re myself. Questions from lesbians have chain-smokers. I’m going to Los been pouring in ever since — lesbians Angeles to interview a celebrity for apparently don’t like being told who they a project, and now he’s trying to may or may not ask for advice. Three insert himself into this trip because weeks ago, I responded to a man whose he wants go starfucking! He also coworker asked him if he might want wants to officiate at our upcoming to sleep with the coworker’s wife — a wedding! My partner won’t stand coworker who was “not [his] boss” — up for me when I say no to this guy. and people jumped down my throat for How can I get my partner to listen entertaining the idea because it is NEVER to me or get her jackass friend to EVER NEVER EVER okay to sleep with leave me be? a coworker and/or a coworker’s spouse. Can’t Think Of A Clever Acronym And now here I am responding to a question from a lesbian who wants to Burn it down, CTOACA. Call or e-mail sleep with a coworker. Farewell to my your partner’s old friend and tell him you mentions, as the kids say. think he’s a pushy, unpleasant, smelly Here we go, WORKING… asshole and that you don’t want to hang Your straight-identified workmate out with him — not at his place, not on could be straight, or she could be a trip, and not at your wedding, which a lesbian (lots of lesbians come out he not only won’t be officiating but, if later in life), or she could be bisexual you had your druthers, he wouldn’t be (most bisexual women are closeted, attending. That should do it. You can’t tell and others are perceived to be straight your soon-to-be wife who she can’t have despite their best efforts to identify as as a friend — that’s controlling behavior bisexual) — and lots of late-in-lifers and/ — but she can’t force you to spend time or closeted folks don’t come out until with someone you loathe. some hot same-sex prospect works up the nerve to ask them out. If your mail@savagelove.net coworker isn’t currently under you @fakedansavage on Twitter at work and you’re not an imminent ITMFA.org