conceptual interpretation

Conceptual Interpretation Nobody goes anywhere with an open mind. We all build up a view of everything, from people to places, on scant information before later and fuller knowledge. Life runs far more smoothly, when the wheels of social diplomacy are well oiled and some people don’t mind a conversational clash at a dinner party. It’s a relief to find that just for a change, it is rather less than perfect. Some even act as if they have been expressly invited to spice up the tempo with a confrontation. In my opinion, I find the working week demanding enough without verbal fisticuffs intruding on what should be a pleasantly convivial Saturday evening. So I could have done without my colleague going too far over the spare ribs.

A fellow guest was extolling the virtues of boarding school, which he pronounced would teach his son to get on with absolutely everybody. A few heads nodded in agreement, but down the table my colleague’s voice boomed in bafflement, who on earth would want to get on with everybody? The candles in the company spluttered. Back at the office, I reproved my colleague for his untimely bluntness. Why can’t he heed Oscar Wilde’s adage, that it’s absurd to divide people into good or bad. People are either charming or tedious is the topic, which leads us into a long running argument concerning the virtues of candor versus etiquette. His position is quite simply that there is nothing that cannot be said. He judges it healthy to be outspoken.

Operating in a tough and challenging industry, he doesn ’t expect or desire to be a “universal buddy”. He prefers to be loved by a handful of real friends, than slapped on the back by scores. Social diplomacy makes sense to me.

This is not to say that I wouldn’t snap at the local guard, who tells me that only first class passengers can eat in the restaurant car (do second class travelers come in with a diminished appetite?) or fight a fierce corner, if I feel myself or someone I care about has been wronged. We live in increasingly aggressive times, and

so, if I must, I can retort just as brusquely as the next woman. But, though it may seem feeble, I dread initiating offence or hurting feelings. Why are some people better at getting on with their colleagues, than others? Why are some of us infinitely careful to smile and hail a passing acquaintance in the street while others merely grant or pass by without acknowledgement? What is the “X” factor that enables one manager to solicit your agreement to produce an overnight rush report, while another prompts you to stick two fingers up his/her retreating back?

Insensitivity to the world around us is a truly curious failing. After all most people would agree that it is better to be affable, than aloof. But although it costs nothing to be gracious and considerate, the world still has its quota of people who lack (to borrow medical parlance) the bedside manner of everyday life. Once in a while, there comes a moment when something clicks, when hearts and minds meet, when the chemistry is right and a golden age is born.

Such moments create stars, unforgettable teams, legends, and lifelong attachments, and are worth celebrating from the fact that, coming up with the right idea at the right time is very significant and magical. It is a glorious time ­ very special, unforgettable, and unrepeatable.

That’s not to say that one expects to make the best mates of the world, his wife and the archly unhelpful assistant in the travel agents. We’re not talking about making people like us on an intimate friendship basis.

We’re talking about managing ‘not to make them dislike us’ or raise their hackles, or maybe even about sweetening someone else’s day in a passing encounter, rather than fueling the friction.