LIBRA
SEP 23 - OCT 22
Career, parenting, finance—you’re Kate Middleton balancing three children and a future crown. The truth is, you’re going to drive everyone mad if you continue to juggle such an twisted act of perfection. Show some humanity.
TAURUS
APR 20 - MAY 20
You work hard and we all rely on you to be sturdy, but like Prince Charles, you can come across as a bit pompous and stubborn when you get lost in the seriousness of your role. Lighten up! Or we’ll make you abdicate.
GEMINI
MAY 21 - JUN 20
Oh, wow. You’re a real daredevil and everyone loves you for it, but sometimes you push things a bit too far. Like Prince Harry circa 2005 at a costume party, remember to learn from your mistakes and heed the advice of the elders who love you. JUN 21 - JUL 22 CANCER Look out Meghan Markle, Cancer is coming through. People really want to hate you because you’re charming, delightful and accomplished, but don’t let them dull your sparkle. You deserve all of your successes. JUL 23 - AUG 22 LEO Like a good bottle of red and the Queen Mother, you just kept getting better with age. You’re no longer bothered by the opinions of insignificants and you’re done with everyone’s nonsense. Cherish your new sense of self and use it to influence others. AUG 23 - SEP 22 VIRGO Your trajectory isn’t clear yet—there are few annoying [fatherly] obstacles in your way. Give yourself a few years and, like Prince William, you will be a well-loved leader of your community. But it’s a long road so make sure you don’t lose your lust for life.
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OCT 23 - NOV 21 SCORPIO What do you and Princess Diana have in common? First of all, you’re a good person. A voice of the people who can’t stand pretension. But you’re on target to become a victim to someone else’s cause. Be careful or make sure it’s worth it.
SAGITTARIUS
NOV 22 - DEC 21
You’re mischievous and say some outlandish things, but like Prince Phillip, your heart is (probably) in the right place. But no one will ever know for sure if you don’t give people a chance to see the softer side they’re not expecting.
CAPRICORN
DEC 22 - JAN 19
Almost everything you do is careful and considered—you rarely let your hair down. Like the Queen, you can seem a little cold and detached and people have a hard time getting to know you. Let a bit of love in.
AQUARIUS
JAN 20 - FEB 17
The world is not always kind to you, Aquarius, but it’s made you a survivor. You keep your cards closer to your chest than Camilla Parker-Bowles and while it doesn’t make you a particularly popular person, it does get you what you want.
PISCES
FEB 18 - MAR 19
You’re quite zesty and you don’t get bogged down in the muck of life. You’d rather trot around an event in a fabulous hat like Princess Beatrice and Eugenie than be politicking in Buckingham Palace. No one takes you seriously, but who cares?
ARIES
MAR 20 - APRIL 19
Like Prince Andrew, no one knows who the heck you are. Who cares if you’ve publically disgraced yourself before? You’re way too much of a loner. Reveal a bit more of yourself to the world and we might actually like you.
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