Page 1

Deputy: Josephine Franks jfranks@

Editor: Imogen Carter living@


Deputy: Mona Tabbara mtabbara@



Living’s guide to the unspoken rules of approaching the opposite sex

T TO U O S E O G E N O THIS Facebook stalking is great THE LAYDEES for some light background research,


Don’t bring up past relationships in an attempt to casually get across how cool and laid back a girlfriend you were/will be when your victim finally gives in and realises how much they want to marry you. You’ve been talking about your ex-boyfriend for an hour and 45 minutes. You are a psycho.


scanning for any potential, minor obstacles I think they call them ‘girlfriends’or seizing the opportunity to stare directly at their face for a good hour in the comfort of y o u r own


Do adhere to the mantra ‘less is more’. If you’re looking to attract a ‘nice boy’ keeping it simple whether it’s your fashion, conversation or general brain capacity, is the key to sexcess. If, however, you’re out for… a different kind of attention, then by all means pull those pleather Topshop hot pants an inch higher for optimal c h e e k exposure.


home, but if your skills in this area are worthy of commendation from the KGB, then extreme precaution must be taken. Letting slip how much you ‘love-that-round-necknavy-blue-jumper-with-the-teal trim-that-youwore-toyour-friend’s-18th-birthday-partyon-the-17th-July - back - home -in-London is, as I found out the hard way, a deal-breaker. I don’t see the problem either; it was a really nice jumper.


Was it the leftover kebab you ate from the bin for breakfast this morning? Was it ****???? The symptoms are all there, but unfortunately as of yet there has been no proven cause of your verbal diarrhoea. Many girls suffer from a severe case of this all too common illness, for which the only cure is a heavy dose of STFU. Whilst small talk is a necessary evil if you want to put the groundwork in on your new prey, they –apparently- don’t want to know about how the men in your family suffer from IBS, or about how you used to eat the plants in your house as a baby. Keep it cute, put it on mute.


Finally and most importantly; be yourself. Unless ‘yourself’ is verging on a clinically insane, emotionally unstable eager beaver. If that’s the case then lock yourself away – you are a hazardous threat to the general public and be absolutely anything and everything other than yourself.


Whether it’s that stack of dishes accumulating mold by the sink or the intimidating To Do list pinned at eye level on the wall, there are plenty of things which are Hidden in Plain Sight for students in Bristol. This issue e2 pokes its slender nose into the hidden nooks and crannies of student life in Bristol. Be it bars and shops that are slightly off the beaten track or the the hidden rules of social conduct with the opposite sex, e2 is here to reveal all.

Isobel Allen

e2 is brought to you by Living : Imogen Carter, Josephine Franks and Mona Tabbara will meet at 1.15 in the White Bear on Tuesday 6th of November Style : Lizi Woolgar and Anisha Gupta will meet at 1.15 in the White Bear on Wednesday 7th of November Travel : Alicia Queiro and Alex Bradbrook will meet at 1.15 in the Refectory on Monday 5th of November with e2 editor : Ant Adeane Illustrators: Alex Norris Sara Daoud

e2 online editor: Nicola Reid





Lads, we’ll start with an easy one. Go easy on the cringe-factor, okay? Leave those ‘witty’ euphemisms to Paddy McGuiness: no girl wants to hear the phrase, ‘let the cock see the doodle-do’ - even though it is hilarious. You might be surprised to learn that the best way of getting a girl in your camp is just to talk to them like a human being, rather than a receptacle for as many sexually-orientated jokes as you can muster. Act like perhaps they could become a friend, rather than a one-night stand that you can barely remember.

hope in hell if any girl onto the fact that all an unconscious ratingin the heads. Keep this secret between us men, for God’s sake!


Whilst it is perfectly acceptable to be inspired by the success and popularity of music artists such as Tinie Tempah, Drake and Lil’ Wayne, there is one thing that you must bear in mind: it is not in any way cool to mimic the way they talk or act. Especially if you’re white. Pretending to be some grime-artist from ‘the hood’, when really you’re a middle-class, posh boy from Oxford is just going to make you look a tad silly; if you drop the Nword and call people ‘Dawg’ whilst wearing a blazer people will probably just laugh at you.


Let’s get another this straight, One Direction are awful. They are an effeminate parade of pre-pubescents, whining about girls with such bland, generic statements -’So c-come on, you got it wrong, to prove I’m right I put it in a song’- that, if he could, Shakespeare would step out of his grave and bitchslap every last one of them across the face. Their dress sense is equally bad. Don’t get me wrong, they are not entirely to blame for the trend, but the boy-next-door look they seem to go for just spells out ‘bell-end’ in my book. DO NOT go for any idiotic junk. Ludicrous tshirt statements like ‘cover me in chocolate and throw me to the lesbians’, whilst a pleasant idea in theory, just make you look like a dick. Allow your personality to be the stand-out member of your social arsenal, rather than your luminescent trousers, jeez.


Regardless of the social situation, quietly gathering in amongst a group of your friends and rating every girl out of ten isn’t going to win you many fans. Whether she’s a passable five - who, you concede, you’d shag out of sympathy- or a smoking-hot ten who you’d pay/beg/do anything for just to get a sight of the left nip, you haven’t got a

clocks guys have system a

“If you drop the N-word and start calling people ‘Dahwg whilst wearing a blazer people will probably just laugh at you”


Finally, for those of you who have played your cards right and end up with a lovely girl to take home - clever you - let’s just make one thing clear: chronic masturbation aside, never, ever base your taste in women on any form of erotica, it’s just not a good idea. At all. Seriously. Whilst the God-awful Fifty Shades trilogy may have widened the horizons of some of our female counterparts, at no stage is it acceptable to whip-out a pair of handcuffs, pick up the cane and grab a bottle of squirty cream from the fridge and exclaim that you are a sadist. Not cool, man. Benjamin Winstanley

flickr x-ray delta






I noticed this article not only because it set off my pun alarm but because, in my head, they were real cows. It reminded me of a game my friends in Cumbria used to play in the early mornings called ‘Cow Tipping’. In actual fact, the story involved some famous concrete cows in Milton Keynes that had been artfully graffiti-ed into skeletons, which led me to the question: is it ok to art all over someone else’s art? I really enjoyed it when Banksy took over the Bristol Museum, but I was less impressed when I saw someone had actually spray-painted some amateur tag over a Banksy near Bristol Infirmary. At least the graffiti before your graffiti was GOOD, I mean what kind of point were you trying to make? Which I guess answers my question - don’t art over someone’s art unless you do it well.

DAILY MALE A study found that 78% of front-page articles are written by men and 84% of those quoted or mentioned in such articles are male, which caused a bit of a kerfuffle among lady-folk. What are they complaining about? There’s a whole section of some papers dedicated to women where they get way more exposure than men do. It’s called page three.


CHANGE.ORG What an email address! It promises such hope and actually delivers it, unlike the posters at Disneyland which promise that ‘all your dreams will come true at the once upon a time firework display’ - a cruel lie unless all your dreams consist of are sparklers and Catherine wheels. Here was a lovely example of petitions making a difference. The Underwater Club lobbied alongside Jujitsu and Lifesaving Club to get the swimming pool to restore its pay-as-you-go policy and they succeeded with the help of UBU VP Hannah Pollak. This successful petition proves the value of speaking up and why the UBU team’s faces are plastered all over the Union, beaming at us like the West County’s answer to The O.C. They made all that effort to look approachable so you would approach them: APPROACH THEM. APPROACH THEM NOW.

GET UP, STAND UP According to a recent study, people spend far too much time sitting down, at detriment to their health. Professor Stuart Biddle of Loughborough University, who worked on the study, helpfully says: ‘There are many ways we can reduce our sitting time, such as breaking up long periods at the computer at work by placing our laptop on a filing cabinet’. Well Stu, I thought of a few student-friendly ways to break up our sitting-time as well: stand up in respect every time the X Factor judges walk on stage; stand up while making particularly strong points during seminars and instead of sitting down for a hot date, tell them you’re saving their life and take them to an art gallery instead.

BEWARE the small and furry Behind the exterior of this pretty city lurks a common foe; our biological predecessors from the animal kingdom, ready to reclaim what they feel to be rightfully theirs. Fellow students, think back, if you will, to Noah’s Ark themed fancy dress nights in Freshers’ Week. What better cover for an animal takeover than monkeys disguised in monkey onesies? Thank God the Exhibition cider numbed their plans. Yet it shan’t be long until the beasts regroup. Many of you will have seen some of these creatures on a sunny day at Bristol Zoo. But have you really seen them? That cunning, defiant glint in their eye you mistake for boredom, as if to say, ‘It will soon be you exhibited behind this mesh.’ And don’t even get me started on the aquarium. These are not simply the ramblings of an

“For your own safety, I implore you not to visit Lizard Lounge” inebriated Fresher at silly o’clock, but are grounded in real evidence. What do you think Banksy was trying to tell us in this very city when he painted the gorilla with the intense gaze in a pink mask, or the menacing bear about to duel with riot police? And was the ‘Wow Gorilla’ campaign, sixty funky gorillas planted all over Bristol’s prime locations, not merely a brazen demonstration of territorial

conquest? Yet they will not rest at such visual hints of domination. The Bristol Pound, featuring designs including perhaps our most diabolical foe, the reindeer, hint at deeper efforts amongst the fauna of the south west to control our banking systems. The sheer havoc they could wreak with a student loan. I implore you not to visit Lizard Lounge. I say this in full knowledge that my reptilian reference may tar me with the same brush as other conspiracy theorists and undermine what is otherwise a credible warning. I fear my time is shortening, for it is not only those in the wild to be feared; but also those which reside with you. That’s right, Mr. Tibbs will eventually turn on you. I hear they are also in cahoots with a secret underground cell which may be known to you as the University’s ‘Veterinary a n d Zoological Society.’ One final, important warning before they…

Maria Hughes

Dry Your Eyes, Mate As a self-confessed ‘sobaholic’, I have always envied those stronger individuals amongst us who have the, often unacknowledged, superhuman ability to hide their emotions from the world. Each and every time I open the floodgates placed oh-so-conveniently slap-bang in the middle of my face, I curse the day I was told that crying is the best remedy for sadness. ‘Let it all out, you’ll feel better’, the lying b******s used to say. ‘There’s no shame in crying’. Well, if you are like me and cry every time you drop a pencil, then it saddens me to tell you (so much so that I am on the brink of tears as I type this), that there is indeed a great deal of shame in crying. Crying is for the weak. Crying leaves you red-faced and snivelling in front of a group of people who once respected you, and will now forever remember you as ‘the one who cries’. Now, I must make it clear that I am referring to crying in public; crying alone whilst recreating a rather hopeless and tragic Bridget Jones-esque scene is perfectly

acceptable. That is the way in which all crying is to be done. Alone, forever.

You may be reading this thinking that I am being overdramatic and a little insensitive to those people who simply wear their heart on their sleeve. I disagree: if your heart is anywhere near your sleeve - a sleeve which is probably more tear-soaked and soggy than a toddler with a cold – then you should consider either opening a biology text-book or consulting a doctor. Imagine any situation involving somebody crying in public. Can you honestly say that you feel any form of empathy towards them? That you want to help them? The answer, of course, is no. If you know the person, you are embarrassed to be their friend, as they choke and sob their way through an increasingly awkward bus journey. If a total stranger explodes into uncontrollable tears, you will never, ever, become their friend, largely out of fear that they will repeat the episode. There is, of course a, lesson here; whether you’re suffering from freshers’ flu, you’ve argued with a friend, or there’s been a personal/family tragedy, do not, for God’s sake, weep in public. Some things are best left unseen, and this is indeed one of them. JT’s ‘Cry Me a River’ is a cruel, nasty lie. Do not believe it. Save yourself from eternal humiliation. Save your mates from the long process of having to cut you out of their life to keep their own social status. And lastly save the tears for your bedroom, with a box of chocolates and the Shameless box-set. Otherwise, you can wave goodbye to your friends, social life, and any money left from your student loan, as you’ll probably spend the whole bloody thing on tissues.

Victoria Halman




SPEAKEASY Most of you will have walked past Hyde & Co. at some point, blissfully unaware of what goes on behind that unassuming wooden door. I’d tell you where it is, but that would be cheating. And even when you know where it is, getting in is another thing. My first attempt saw me skulking around the Triangle for quite some time before locating the ‘top hat’ that is the sole giveaway of the entrance, only to be scrutinized through a sliding peephole by a curiously dressed barman who asked us to come back in half an hour. We were intrigued - but not that much. Perhaps this was part of the initiation, we thought, to test

how much you want it. In which case we’d failed. We went home instead. Months later and a friend’s birthday finds a group of us successfully on the other side of door, curiosity abated. Perhaps it was because I was expecting a Sex and the City vibe, all glamour and Cosmopolitans on tap, but I couldn’t help feeling a little disappointed. Think less Mr. Big, more Al Capone. For those of you not in the know, Hyde & Co. models itself on the Prohibition-era ‘speakeasies’ that popped up in 1920s America to cater for illegal boozing.

It’s certainly different, with quirky décor and appropriately attired staff, not to mention the ‘House Rules’, which include ‘no excessive noise’, ‘no standing at the bar’, and strangest of all, ‘no man is to approach a lady, unless of course he is invited to do so’. So definitely not one for the students then. The arrival of the menus causes a similar level of bewilderment. I recognize the words ‘gin’ and ‘rum’ amongst the spitfires, swizzles and fizzes, and realise with horror that my knowledge of the more refined alcoholic beverages is somewhat lacking. Would it be inappropriate to order a humble mojito? One smashed glass and a hefty bill later, we decide that this probably isn’t the place for us. Marketing itself as Hyde and Co.’s older, wiser sibling, The Milk Thistle describes itself as ‘a venue for the discerning drinker’ and indeed, I like to think my tastes have become a little more refined since the days of Basics vodka. Once inside another

‘secret’ door (the novelty quickly wears off) The Milk Thistle offers a refreshing alternative to its Clifton counterpart. The service is instantly more friendly and relaxed, and the whole atmosphere livelier; there’s even music. The drinks are much the same - very strong and probably quite nice if you knew what you

“My knowledge of refined alcoholic beverages is lacking. Anyone for a Woo Woo?” were tasting - as is the taxidermy and other such imposing remnants from the Victorian age, but it feels a lot less stuffy and pretentious than Hyde & Co. So the secret’s out. They’re a fun change of scene for an occasional spot of time travel, and the exclusivity both venues aspire to is undeniably enticing, but in reality without this they would be just another over-priced, over-hyped bar. Anyone for a Woo Woo?

Jane Walton



Dream a little dream

Films and television bombarded me with various clichés about university life and gave me certain expectations, primarily that by December I would be eating cold Aldi value beans with my bare hands and that a year later there would be more drugs in my system than some shuffling nutter roaming the corridors of Broadmoor. What I didn’t expect was the shower.



No feeling I’ve had matches the sheer vertical cliffface of hatred I feel towards the Mira Sport shower in unit 4a’s bathroom. Mira is the Hamlet of the shower world, a whiny teenager vacillating between oxymoronic temperatures of arctic frost and ‘Ishouldn’t-have-worn-this-jumper-near-the-log-fire’ warmth. If Mira were a person this would be their awful first impression, but an actual conversation would reveal their greatest flaw: water pressure. Akin to having a pervy giraffe lasciviously swatting flies off my face, on a good day it might rouse itself to the water pressure equivalent of a heavily medicated old man dribbling slowly on the top of my head.

“the water pressure of an old man dribbling slowly on my head” I’ve always had a deep suspicion of showers – the skin blanching heat and the banal inevitability of the accompanying full-length mirror that forces confrontation with the frank inadequacy of the human body. Yet showers are constantly thrust upon us as being as acceptable as a Nando’s, reading on a Kindle and collaborations between Jay-Z and Kanye. Just like Amin, Gaddafi and Mao, shower lovers create a ‘regime’, a regime that orbits entirely around showering in the same way that a Catholic Mass revolves around chanting nonsense incantations whilst simultaneously playing Simon Says. It’s no wonder that Bret Easton Ellis had his charmingly sociopathic serial killer protagonist Patrick Bateman slavishly following a strenuous showering regime in ‘American Psycho’. Showering is the kind of maniacal, narcissistic activity that Charles Manson and Ted Bundy enjoyed. Now, don’t get me wrong, there is nothing wrong with good personal hygiene but my preferred method of washing - the bath - has been cast into cultural purgatory along with four-piece guitar bands and thinking the Royal Family are vile. Still, I’d probably rather drink bleach than get back in the Mira Sport.

Illustration: Camilla Barden, Words: Will Lloyd

Living reveals the secrets of your slumbers z




If your Freshers’ Week was plagued by dreams of finding yourself in the dining hall completely naked, you’re not alone. Dreams of nudity surface when you are trying to impress others and indicate a fear of being left defenseless or unprepared. The nuances of dream interpretation depend on how you wear your birthday suit – if you embraced naturism in your dreaming state, congratulations on your carefree ways. Conversely, if you managed to avoid attention in your dream, it is most likely that you are exaggerating your fears.


Panic not if you dream of all your teeth falling out – sure, it means you’re concerned about your appearance and fear rejection, of ageing and/or sexual impotence, but rest assured that we’re all likely to dream it at some point. Just don’t go expecting any visits from the tooth fairy. If you’re being chased around the Triangle by an angry bouncer on a normal night, I’d advise heading for the hills sharpish. In dreamworld, however, the best plan of action is in fact the opposite; confront your pursuer to escape your nightmare, as they most often embody an aspect of yourself. On the other hand, if you’re the chaser, it’s an indication that you’re either ambitious or having to catch up with the crowd. Chaser or chasee, pin down the hench man who’s making

you run and make the best of the situation. Remember that dream of flying across the Downs like Superman? Soaring through the sky represents success and control – be warned though, if your slumber ended with a tumble down Avon Gorge, your fortune might be about to take a turn for the worse.

Illustration: Josh Gabbatass

tock…unsurprisingly, the unrelenting ticking clock, along with dreams of arriving late and memory blocks in exams, signals anxiety or agitation. Expressing a lack of self-esteem, confidence and preparation, these dreams luckily aren’t a reflection of failure in the real world, instead indicating a

preoccupation with the fear of letting others down. Don’t worry though, I think you’re doing really well.


Ticktock, ticktock, tick-


Falling dreams are often accompanied by muscle spasms and, according to Freud, indicate that an individual is contemplating succumbing to a sexual urge or impulse. Take comfort in the fact that if the guy you brought back from Bunker is sleep-spasming before you turn the lights off, you’re doing something right.

Lara Kottsieper

Èçó÷èòå íàø ìèð It’s Russian for ‘explore our world’ Graduates

When it comes to the Gazprom Marketing & Trading business, there’s a lot waiting to be discovered. Rather than go into too much detail about our exciting graduate career opportunities here though, we’d like to point you towards our website. Once you’re there, you’ll be able to learn how we take a different approach to assessment, hear from some of our current graduates, and take a tour around our amazing new offices. To discover more, please visit

The Energy to Succeed

The LGBT+ Support Group is a safe space run by students for students to chat through questions or worries about sexual orientation or gender identity. Every other Thursday from Thursday 1 November The Just Ask Office, UBU Richmond Building For more information go to

Travel Photo

We facebooked, emailed and tweeted, in search of your travel snaps .

We have a winner! Well done Emma-Victoria Farr, who took this photo of Innsbruck in Austria during her year abroad.

Runner up: Louise Burfitt - Regensburg, Germany

Runner up: Alistair Scott - Teufelsberg, Berlin, Germany


One full inbox, several hours and an emotional rollercoaster later...

Runner up: Emily Hall-Strutt - orange trees in Seville, Spain

Runner up: Lydia Greenaway - schoolgirls in Pune, India

Runner up: Lucy Edwards - budget aquarium in Nanjing, China

Runner up: Emma Chowdhury - attack of the bees! Bologna, Italy Runner up: Will Marment - Bairro Alto, Lisbon, Portugal (right)


Issue 3 5.11.2012

Results are in for Part-time Officers and PGT Senate Rep Following a week of voting and campaigning, over 400 students cast their votes to elect eight Parttime Officers and one Postgraduate Taught Senate Representative. Unfortunately this paper went to print before the results were announced on Friday 2 November in BAR 100 after the Bristol Mayoral Hustings - find out who was elected at The Part-time Officers are unpaid student representative who continue with their studies alongside the officer role and have no set hours. The term of office for a Part-time Officer is one academic year.

Each part-time position has a specific area of responsibility as defined in the Union’s Constitution. Like Full-time Officers, each Part-time Officer’s core role is to represent the students at the University of Bristol as an embodiment of our vision to help “University of Bristol students to create a world class student life for themselves”. The Part-time Officers include: • Black & Minority Ethnic Students’ Officer • Disabled Students’ Officer • Environmental Officer • Ethics Officer • International Students’ Officer • LGBT Officer

• Mature & Part-time Students’ Officer • Widening Participation Officer (There were no nominations for WP Officer; look out for more information about the position at • Women’s Officer The Postgraduate Taught Senate Rep will join the two current PG Research Reps, Cerelia Athanassiou and Mike Limb, in sitting on the University Senate, their highest academic committee, focusing on decisions around teaching and learning, examinations and research & enterprise at Bristol. Senate Reps work closely with

school- and department-levels Student Reps and also sit on the Students’ Union Education Executive, a more informal group that meets to discuss educational priorities and policy and also co-ordinates education campaigns. Find out who was elected to each of these positions at

Out with the old, in with the new

F code:



On Tuesday 30 October, the Students’ Union’s new online shop went live at The online shop enables students, alumni and staff members to purchase from an extensive range of University of Bristol merchandise. UBU is the only place selling official



line sho

New on



ersit for Univ

tol me y of Bris

University of Bristol memorabilia and with the brand new site it’s easier than ever to show off your Bristol pride. The new site allows shoppers to browse through a range of clothing, accessories, gifts and stationery. Purchasers looking to ‘try before they buy’ can still visit the shop in the ground floor foyer of the Richmond Building: Home of the Students’ Union or the UBU Info Point on Tyndall Avenue. Look out for the launch of brand new products, including a range of hats, so make sure to regularly check the shop site for the latest updates and sales. The Students’ Union first started selling University of Bristol merchandise over twenty years ago

and began selling online in 2006. Since then the shop has gone from strength to strength, extending the product lines every year and launching a range of Fairtrade products supporting the lives of farmers in Sri Lanka and Bangladesh. UBU is dedicated in ensuring that our products are from ethical supply chains and that we maintain and improve upon our Green Impact status. All income generated from sales is put back into the Students’ Union to help fund student activities and services. Check out the new shop today at:

usho www.ub

ON THE ROAD TO UBU News | Issue 3 | 5.11.2012


UBU launches Investors in Diversity surveys Following success in achieving Investors in People and receiving a Bronze Award in June 2012 from SUEI, the national Students’ Union quality standard, UBU is now focusing on Investors in Diversity (IID). IID is ‘more than just a highly prized and prestigious quality

mark. It is an all-encompassing approach to managing equality, diversity and inclusion effectively’ ( A large part of achieving IID relies on student and staff feedback about UBU’s current services. Meeting the needs and valuing the diversity of the University of

Bristol is an essential element of ensuring that UBU becomes the best Union that it can be for its members, the university and the wider community.

any work that needs to be done and formulate a plan of action for the whole organisation.

Please complete the 20min IID survey at www.surveymonkey. com/s/B9JMRXG. The feedback from this survey will help highlight

Student Council: more Fair Access Fund attendees than last year launched to support student activities

The first Student Council of the 2012-13 academic year took place on Tuesday 30 October in the Winston Theatre with more students attending than at any meeting last year.

Following reports from each Full-time Officer, there was an opportunity for students to ask questions about what they have accomplished so far and will be working on going forward.

Approximately 180 representatives from sports clubs, societies, halls, courses and faculties joined UBU’s Full-time Officer team to elect students to Executive Sub-Committees, listen to reports and Motions and ratify the election of Student Trustees that took place on 8 May last year.

The evening also marked the re-launch of Change One Thing, UBU’s easy online way to nominate changes to be made at the University and vote on other students’ ideas.

Executive Sub-Committees are small working groups made up of Full-time Officers, Part-time Officers and most importantly students from societies, sports clubs, halls of residence and course representatives. They include: • Democracy and Engagement • Welfare • Community • Education • Equality

Each month, the 3 ideas with at least at least 180 votes will be put considered at Student Council. Take part at changeonething. The next Student Council will take place on 20 November. Reports from this meeting can be viewed online at For comments from the night (and for future meetings), follow the Twitter hashtag #ubudemocracy.

UBU has established a ‘Fair Access Fund’ to support students who want to participate in its activities but are restricted due to costs. The initiative was launched after a Motion at Student Council in February 2012 called for ‘fair access to UBU clubs and societies’. The Motion recognised that the costs of participating in some sports clubs and societies are prohibitively expensive for some students. Students can now apply for support up to £200 which can be used to pay membership fees, trip costs and purchasing equipment or kit. Applications will be considered by a panel comprising of Vice President Sport & Health Hannah Pollak,VP Activities Martha West, the Activities & Participation Manager, and

one other representative of UBU. Hannah Pollak commented: “The Fair Access fund represents a very important step by UBU to actively improve access to clubs and societies for all students irrespective of financial circumstances. The elected officer team feel strongly about campaigning on improving access to clubs and societies over the course of this year and we are very happy with this initiative.” There are 8 funding rounds throughout the year with the following closing dates: 7 and 30 November, 31 December, 31 January, 28 February, 31 March, 30 April and 31 May. Applications are available to download from the under Committee Resources.

New workshop: How to Save a Life Run by SRSH, the How to Save a Life workshop addresses how to support somebody who is experiencing an eating disorder.

The free workshop will talk about the traits of eating disorders to help build understanding and how

to handle a difficult conversation with a friend or family member. • When: 6 November 5-6.30pm • Where: Brunel Suite at UBU Visit for more information about support.

TOTAL: £5,950.00 UBU News | Issue 3 | 5.11.2012







Visit demo2012 for the latest national updates

Coach tickets on sale at the UBU Info Point and at demo2012




Check out #demo2012 on Twitter and add your voice to the conversation




Forum: Why we’re attending #Demo2012

Bristol city Polling Day Make your voice heard!

Forum: Democratising Education





Banner making session

Day of the Demo! + Demo on Tour

‘National Union of Students’ on Facebook



Sunday Have you booked your place on the UBU coaches to London yet?





Look out for a follow-up event in the week of 15-30 November

(and Student Council)






Find out more: • Contact us: UBU News | Issue 3 | 5.11.2012


25 3

Monday 5th Launch of Investors in Diversity consultation • (details at Thinking Futures: UoB SSL Festival • 5-9th Nov (details at Tuesday 6th How to Save a Life (eating disorder) workshop • 5-6:30pm, Brunel Suite at UBU

Your What’s On Guide Nov - Dec 2012

University Challenge Trials • 6pm, LT1 3-5 Woodland Rd ( Bristol Drugs Project Drop-in Session • 6-8pm, Just Ask Centre, 4th Floor of UBU Livesoc Band Night • 7pm, Ar2 (free members, £1 non-members) Django’s Jazz Funk Soul Jam Session • 8pm, The Big Chill (£2 members, £3 non-members) Wednesday 7th Education for Sustainable Development Event • 2-4pm,Vic Rooms ( Friday 9th BRAG Oktoberfresh • 9-10th November, Anson Rooms (details at Saturday 10th Bristol Social Enterprise Conference • 10am-5pm,Victoria Rooms Monday 12th SRSH Eating Disorders Support Group • 6:30pm, Just Ask Centre, 4th Floor of UBU Stand Up Bristol Comedy Night • 7:30pm, BAR 100 (free!) Tuesday 13th Just Ask Academic Writing Skills Workshop • 10am, Brunel Suite Bristol Drugs Project Drop-in Session • 6-8pm, Just Ask Centre, 4th Floor of UBU Student Volunteering Speed Dating • 7-10pm, Brunel Suite ( Wednesday 14th Forum: Why We’re Attending the NUS Demo 2012 • 6pm, Anson Rooms Thursday 15th Mayoral Elections Voting Day • All day, city of Bristol LGBT+ Support Group • 6:30pm, Just Ask Centre, 4th Floor of UBU Friday 16th SMUT: Student Media United Bar Crawl • (details at Tuesday 20th Bristol Drugs Project Drop-in Session • 6-8pm, Just Ask Centre, 4th Floor of UBU Student Council • 6pm (details at Django’s Jazz Funk Soul Jam Session • 8pm, The Big Chill (£2 members, £3 non-members) Wednesday 21st NUS Demo 2012 • All day, London (details at Monday 26th

Tuesday 4th Bristol Drugs Project Drop-in Session • 6-8pm, Just Ask Centre, 4th Floor of UBU UoB Science & Philosophy Launch • 6-8pm,WMB ( Django’s Jazz Funk Soul Jam Session • 8pm, The Big Chill (£2 members, £3 non-members) Wednesday 5th 12 Days of Christmas in BAR 100 • (continues through 14th December) Saturday 8th Symphonia Winter Concert • 7:30pm, All Saints Church, Pembroke Road Monday 10th

SRSH Eating Disorders Support Group • 6:30pm, Just Ask Centre, 4th Floor of UBU

SRSH Eating Disorders Support Group • 6:30pm, Just Ask Centre, 4th Floor of UBU

Stand Up Bristol Comedy Night • 7:30pm, BAR 100 (free!)

Stand Up Bristol Comedy Night • 7:30pm, BAR 100 (free!)

Tuesday 27th Bristol Drugs Project Drop-in Session • 6-8pm, Just Ask Centre, 4th Floor of UBU Django’s Jazz Funk Soul Jam Session • 8pm, The Big Chill (£2 members, £3 non-members) Thursday 29th

Thursday 13th LGBT+ Support Group • 6:30pm, Just Ask Centre, 4th Floor of UBU Friday 14th END OF TERM

LGBT+ Support Group • 6:30pm, Just Ask Centre, 4th Floor of UBU Butcombe Brewery Tour • 7pm, pick up from UBU (details at Friday 30th Close of Investors in Diversity consultation • (details at

Don’t miss out on BAR 100’s weekly specials;

MON: 2-4-1 Iced Tea Cocktails TUES: RAG Quiz Night WEDS: Sports Night Fever Feeder

A hard copy version of The LIST is available each term at the UBU Info Point, the Richmond Building and around the University precinct. If you would like to submit an event for next term, please contact by 14 December.

UBU News | Issue 3 | 5.11.2012

THURS: Live DJ + Drinks Deals SAT: Karaokee Night with Prizes





The whiter side of beauty In Africa, Asia and the Caribbean, women are putting themselves at risk to aspire to the Western ideal. Skin bleaching is a topic rarely touched upon in Western society, but in an increasingly globalised world, the pressure to conform has led women and men to take extreme measures in the pursuit of beauty. In Pacific Asia, 2009 estimates placed the value of the skinwhitening market at 13bn, whilst in 2010, ACNielsen held India’s whitening cream market at $432m alone, growing at a rate of 18% each year. But who would actually buy these products, and why? Analysts have defined two distinct categories in the skin-whitening cosmetics market. The first classification includes highend skin-whitening products, developed for wealthy women of colour in order to diminish ‘discoloration’. The second group are ordinarily cheap and brandless, often containing low-cost, harmful toxins and are consequently targeted at poor non-white consumers who are desperate to change their skin colour by any means possible. In 2007, London shop owners

Yinka and Michael Oluyemi were fined £100,000 for selling illegitimate skin-bleaching products containing the regulated substance hydroquinone, and other illegal steroids. However, EU law enforcement and customs are often left powerless to punish these backstreet retailers covert internet sellers due to their anonymous nature. Such influential figures as Michael Jackson can be seen as role models for those who wish to embark on a race transformation, with his transition turning the trend for plastic surgery across the globe increasingly Eurocentric. A recent Channel 4 programme documents the new focus on such procedures as rhinoplasty, double eyelid surgery and ‘facesmashing’, which involves crushing the cheekbones to reconstruct a European facial structure. Such distinguished beauty brands as Dior and Clinique have produced extensive campaigns which promote this white ideal to the Asian and Pan-African market. A recent Middle Eastern advertisement for Fair and Lovely Skin Cream, features a young woman aspiring to become a television presenter, whilst proclaiming that, ‘the obstacle to obtaining my dream job was my skin’ and ending with, ‘Fair and Lovely... For total fairness’, implying that to move up in

“Bursting with retro charm, The Birdcage in Bristol is an innovative new destination where music, fashion and cafe culture blend to create a thriving creative scene and social hub in the heart of the city.”


the world of work, one must change their colour in order to succeed. In Thailand, the beauty brand Lactacyd White Intimate, has gone one step further in promising ‘bright and translucent’ skin in the most intimate areas of the body, suggesting that by acquiring a fairer vagina, women are more desirable to men. Across Southeast Asia, darker skin is linked to the concept of a lower class, due to its association with long days spent labouring in the rice paddies. This longing for lighter skin insinuates that the old wounds left by traditional stereotypes and such colonial oppressions as the slave trade and the caste system have never fully healed. It must be known that unless an effort is made change, the skin bleaching industry will continue to exploit pre-existing racial prejudice for profit, in order to endorse the myth of a white ideal.

Camel Cord Trousers, New Look, £22.99

Navy Lace Dress, Topshop, £40

r, Aztec Print Jumpe River Island, £40

Plum skirt, River Island, £18

Navy/Camel Desert Boots, Topman, £46

Wedges, Office, £65


Aztec Pocket Coat, Riv Island, £45

Chloë Bushell

Coat, Topshop, £110

A hidden treasure!


Deputy: Anisha Gupta deputystyle@

Editor: Lizi Woolgar style@

It’s a bold, and some would say wearyingly proverbial aim. After all, haven’t we all had enough of Bristol’s omnipresent art sect who, it would seem, have infiltrated every alternative orifice in Bristolian society? Soon you won’t be able to enter a single shop on Park Street without wading through a flood of vintage clothing, vinyls from independent 80s bands, antique furniture and calendars devoted to suicidal abstract expressionist painters. The embarrassing truth is I’m actually quite partial to all of the above, so when I stumbled into the Birdcage one Monday after a traumatic day of spending my wages on silk scarves it was like discovering a cultural oasis. I immediately fell in love with the vintage bicycles fixed to the walls, the shabby Chesterfield sofas and the sort of mismatched vintage china that you might find at your grans. As I sipped at my ethically-sourced Chai Latte and tucked into my delicious home-made cake, I had a browse of the refreshingly varied collection of vintage clothes at the back of the room. Yes, it’s all a bit clichéd but, then again, so am I. Nathan Beesley

Leggings, Warehouse, £28

Winter Wardrobe Overhaul Autumn/Winter for many may mean cold mornings, dreary afternoons and early nights, but for the fashionistas among us, it’s a great excuse to put those summer trends into winter hibernation and bring AW12 into plain sight! Here is what you should be wearing this season o inspire your wardrobe overhaul.

FOR HER: Swap your Pastels for Plum/Berry tones Swap your Florals for Lace/Paisley Swap your Sandals for Wedged Boots FOR HIM: Swap Chinos for Cords Swap Stripes for Aztec Swap Espadrilles for Desert Boots

Simone Robinson


Models: Flick HC & Becky Todd Hair & Make-up: Anisha Gupta & Becky Pile Photographer: Zoe Nash Stylists: Alice Johnston & Lizi Woolgar



Unsung heroes When discussing style icons, the likes of Alexa Chung, Kate Moss and the Olsen twins are bound to crop up. And quite right too, as these fashionistas deserve credit for providing invaluable wardrobe lusting. However, more often than not, the faces of real fashion pioneers go unrecognised. It’s now well known that most celebrities employ the creative eye of a stylist to help them saunter down the red carpet or step out the front door in style. Despite this, the architects behind these outfits don’t usually get widespread recognition, and these stylists who exclusively style celebrities usually aren’t the ones dictating trends either. With the exception of a few - Nicola Formichetti, the ‘artist’ behind many of Lady Gaga’s, err, ground-breaking ensembles - celebrity stylists are constrained by their client’s specific image, having little opportunity to fully push the boat out.

for decades to come. It’s not just at fashion shoots that stylists exert their influence either. They are now used by most brands as consultants to build, uphold or transform a label’s image. In fact, many well regarded designers began life as stylists, including Rei Kawakubo of Comme des Garcons. After creating a name for herself from successfully revamping the image of fashion house Bottega Veneta, stylist Katie Grand now acts as a consultant for many high-end brands, including Marc Jacobs and Louis Vuitton.

“more often than


not, the faces of real fashion pioneers go unrecognised” Stylist Melanie Ward, for example, with a

couple of expert photographers and the help of a sprightly fifteen-year-old Kate Moss, ignited the grunge movement in the 1980s. Through her irreverent styling, Ward created an entire aesthetic that was to litter the catwalk, streets and fashion pages

e: l y t S t e r Sec y t i r Cha op Sh ist l k c e Ch

Consultants such as Grand contribute throughout the entire design process, from the initial setting of a brand’s seasonal mood, to the final preparations for fashion shows. Often it’s the stylist’s ability to translate an initial design into a commercial product that is crucial to the success of a designer. Although stylists are generally hidden away and lack the iconic fashion status of their celebrity contemporaries, they are slowly getting well-deserved recognition, from those


DO: Visit Regularly. If possible visit on a two week rotation, this is when most of the new stock is put onto the shop floor, ensuring you get to see the new pieces first. Also visit early on in the week, as most people donate on the weekend. Prepare to rummage. Visiting a few shops is essential as different shop owners will have different preferences, you will soon learn which style suits you. Work in a charity shop. It means that you find the best items first and you often get given them for free! Look at labels. Buying an Atmosphere or George at Asda piece probably won’t be worth the money. Instead look out for respectable brands such as Chiltern and Jaeger (of course any hidden Chanel or Dior pieces would be fantastic, but let’s be realistic here). Bring a belt. You never know what a shirt or dress may look like once it has been synched in at the waist.

Deputy: Anisha Gupta deputystyle@

Illus t Kat ration: y Pa pine au

Editor: Lizi Woolgar style@

Hidden Flaws

Whilst not the most glamorous item in your makeup bag, concealers are essential for hiding imperfections and creating a clear, flawless base. This trio of products are my go-to favourites. 1) Garnier Miracle Skin Perfector: BB creams (Blemish Balms) are not just all hype and no cover. is moisturising and protecting and evens your skin tone with a healthy tint. For a fuller coverage just substitute for your usual day cream and apply your foundation on top. 2) Rimmel’s Hide the Blemish Concealer: This is a handbag staple. This creamy stick is, as the name suggests, ideal for dotting on blemishes as it blends easily with long-lasting coverage. 3) DiorSkin Nude with SPF15: To me, scrimping on your foundation seems ludicrous, it’s worth spending that little bit extra to get a good base. The hydrating fluid formula creates a dewy effect and enhances natural beauty. Apply this one with (clean!) fingers as the warmth of your fingertips blends the product into your skin seamlessly.

Garnier BB Cream £7.50

Rimmel Concealer £7.50

Dior Diorskin Nude £31 Emily Brighton

DON’T: Just stick to your usual size. Be prepared to go up a size, as the sizing system has had to become accustomed to our growing waistlines, meaning that many vintage clothes and shoes are smaller than today’s standards. If it’s too big, remember that you can always get a piece fitted later at a local tailor. Forget the accessories. Headscarves and leather satchels are some of the best vintage items out there, whilst different pendants and chains can be bought separately so you can assemble your own jewellery as you wish. Just browse the clothes. Books, films and furnishings are all available and can create a unique, vintage feel to any room. Be put off by the smell! Wash your garment as soon as you buy it, air it and if there is still an odour; add a tablespoon of bicarbonate of soda to your machine wash, it will be gone in no time! Chloë Bushell


Hidden in Plain Sight As a student, one of thousands in Bristol, it can be easy to feel overlooked. These specially selected sartorialists all stand out for their original everyday style. Whether they go for subtle minimalism, quirky details or big, bright colours, they really know how to put a look together. We salute you! Aisha Zoe, 19 Wearing: Trainers from Size, leggings from Topshop, scarf from Vivienne Westwood, top from Topshop, jacket from Ebay, jewellery from Shop Dutty in Stokes Croft. Inspiration: Comfiness and the 80s. What sets her apart from the crowd: I’m a singer, so I chose clothes that make me feel unique and that add an element to my performance. Christmas Wish List item: Leopard and white Nike Air Maxes. Joey Stanford, 18 Wearing: Head to toe H&M. Favourite brand: H&M One word to define his style: Minimalist. Inspiration: I like plain and basic clothes. Winter clothes in particular are my favourite. Christmas Wish List item: A comfy cream grandpa jumper.

Olivia Ward, 20 Wearing: Boots from Moda in Pele, shorts from House of Fraser, jumper from Warehouse, jacket from Barbour, bag from Mulberry and necklace from All Saints. Favourite brand: Mulberry. One word that describes her style: Elegant. Personal trademark: I always wear heels. Christmas Wish List item: A Mulberry bag that I can’t afford! Arthur Guinness, 21. Wearing: Trainers are from Comme Des Garcons for Converse, jeans by All Saints, shirt from India, jacket by Folk, satchel from Cambridge Satchel Company Inspiration: My girlfriend, she’s quite into fashion. Favourite brand: Folk. What sets him apart from the crowd: I sometimes grow a moustache. Follower of current trends?: No I go against the curve.

Ellie Vincent

Honey, I Shrunk the Models The plight of models with eating disorders has been written about so frequently and covered in so many different mediums that they have become something of a troupe of the fashion world. Along with gay designers, eccentrically dressed bloggers and spikyheeled editors it is possible for models to fall into a familiar box of thinness that needs no further explanation. It’s an easy, crowd-pleasing option. All models have eating disorders, right? That’s a prerequisite for the job. Both no-one and everyone are to blame. The fashion industry makes up 20% of the British economy; it is an important and influential part of our culture. No person in a position of power wants to jeopardise this by wrecking part of a system that helps to make the country (and many individuals) so wealthy. And there is precedent to say that using ordinary sized models makes less profit. In 2009, German fashion and lifestyle magazine Brigitte adopted a ‘no models’ policy, saying they were tired of ‘fattening up’ skeletal models on Photoshop, and began to use their averagesized readers as models instead. Although their intention was

ostensibly admirable, the magazine’s circulation did not increase due to their decision and in September this year they decided to return to using traditional models in their pages. Readers complained that they ‘sometimes feel distracted from the fashion if it is presented by a “normal woman”’. The message here is clear – the public do not want realistic models. They want fashion to be, as Karl Lagerfield says, about ‘dreams and fantasy’.

has long had a problem with women. Disputes about what shape the female form should be have been present through the ages, ranging from the desirability of being soft and shapely in the 19th century to today’s popular unhealthy look. The literal disappearance of today’s women, dieting themselves out of sight, could be a representation of the female struggle to be heard. Men outnumber women in parliament four to one and just 23 cabinet members are women. Not all models have Could the disappearance of eating disorders, of course. the traditional female form People who are naturally be an apology for daring to very tall and thin are exist at all? genetic freaks of nature Although there are that are celebrated by clearly pressures about the society. Whilst dieting to male appearance anorexia achieve this look does is predominantly a female not necessarily lead to disease with men making an eating disorder, it up only around 10% of its encourages unhealthy sufferers. Society’s issue eating patterns and bad with women – the Daily self-image, which put those Mail ‘sidebar of shame’ susceptible at a higher risk is a perfect example of mental illness. Eating of this – combines the disorders have the highest representation of women in the fashion industry and mortality rate of any the media to create an mental illness, including alcohol and drug addiction, environment where women feels they must be thin to and 20% of the people who have anorexia will die be accepted. through complications of The situation is the illness, including heart improving, slowly. Italy’s attacks and suicide. fashion industry abide by a code of conduct Society that requires models to provide a medical certificate proving that they do not have an eating disorder, which is a step in the right direction that could be implemented worldwide. Media saturation is heavy, and the public is aware of the problem. The danger is accepting it as the norm. Apart from anything, it is unpleasant to constantly be looking at photographs of women who look ill. They are seriously ill, and it is up to us to vote with our wallets to boycott the industry that is condoning it. Alice Johnston

Editor: Alicia Queiro travel@


Deputy: Alex Bradbrook deputytravel@

Kashmir – or ‘Paradise on Earth’, as most Indians know it – is the northernmost, predominantly Muslim state in India. It was the first stop on a month-long trip that a female friend and I took to the subcontinent this year. On the flight from Delhi to Srinigar, the capital of Kashmir, we were in high spirits, in anticipation of the heavenly Himalayan landscapes, lakes with floating houseboats and the mystique described in Salman Rushdie’s Midnight’s Children and Led Zeppelin’s Kashmir. Our first day, however, did not go as planned.

Another example was a story we were told whilst on the trek about a shepherd and his daughter. The ‘shepherds’ are large families living in log cabins perched on hilltops in the Kashmir Valley. They are a religious and largely uneducated population, due to the difficulty in accessing schools from such remote areas. We were told of a woman who ran away from home to escape the marriage her father had arranged for her, only to be found and beaten violently for disobeying him.

“Are we free as individuals to dress as we please in any part of the world?”

Upon arrival in the main square in Srinigar we were met by a barrage of salesmen, each trying to sell us a week’s holiday on his houseboat. Aggressive, pushy and in-your-face, they accosted us as we got off the dusty airport shuttle bus with shouts, prods and jabs while we said, over and over again, ‘No thanks. No, NO!’ Finally we agreed to a ‘free’ ride in a rickshaw to Dal Lake – the vast lake surrounded by a Himalayan crust of ice-capped mountains, on which Rushdie’s character Tai the boatman rowed his shikara. However, on getting out, we realised that the driver was expecting us to check into his houseboat and, when we declined, he said: ‘Shit English people... You ruin our Kashmir.’

Got a holiday snap to share? Send it to travel@ epigram. And don’t forget to see who won the Travel Photo Competition on pages 8-9 of this issue...

did not abide by Islamic dress code would be subject to ‘angry reactions’ from locals. Kashmiri women – who often do not wear full veils – have in the past been targeted by having acid thrown in their faces in a campaign to enforce Islamic dress code. So, the question is: should a western woman abide by the local ethos and cover her head to show respect in a Muslim region, or are we free as individuals to dress as we please in any part of the world? It soon became apparent, however, that the dress code was the least of our worries. As two girls travelling in Kashmir we felt increasingly objectified and vulnerable.

Our experiences led us to scrutinise the position of women in Kashmir. Though I would definitely recommend going to the region to see the landscapes and experience the hospitality and generosity of most Kashmiri people, I would advise against travelling alone as women there – an unfavourable condemnation in an area that is angling for Western tourism.

Lucy Paterson

Halfway through a trek in the Kashmir Valley – the Himalayan region revered by trekkers worldwide as being one of the most beautiful – I began to be verbally harassed by our mountain guide, as it became clear that he did not see his role as merely professional. We were effectively trapped on a mountain with this man for three days, as he was the only person who could safely bring us down. I am certain

e! r e h e r e w u o y Wish

Dear e2, orocco No trip to cM omplete would be visit to without as souks its famou ing mazes overwhelm at are of alleys thwith the saturatedd culture of smells an daily life . Moroccan for all their However, d charisma , charm anience the exper oroughly can be th g and you exhaustind yourself might fin curl up in wanting torner for a a quiet cout-eye . spot of sh Love , kdale x Verity S toc

Lydia Greenaway

Kashmir, however, has been enjoying a sharp revival in Indian tourism, even though Western governments advise their citizens against visiting with stories of violence and anti-Western sentiment. This July, extremists warned visitors that western women who wore revealing clothing and


that if we had had a male companion, this would never have begun or continued for so long.

Rosy Roberts



Journeys in Shangri-La: hidden treasures and troubles in Kashmir


When you live in a foreign country, stereotypes and preconceptions are often the only things with which you are initially armed and the separating of these from the reality - or otherwise - is surely one of the most interesting aspects of life abroad. Indeed, Paris is arguably the city of stereotypes, subject of bold labels and lofty ideals, described through hyperbole and superlatives, all of which are inescapable and ingrained within our collective consciousness. Most obviously, the cigarette-smoking, espressosipping, beret-sporting man who symbolises Paris to much of the world certainly does exist - perhaps minus the beret - wine is often cheaper than soft drinks, and grabbing a croissant on the way to work is definitely the done thing. The Eiffel Tower, meanwhile, is stunning and yes, my bedroom does have high ceilings, a wooden floor and shutters.

“Look deeper into the culture and society, and you’ll find that the surprises are increasingly of the positive kind.” Yet to take this concept of Paris as representative of the city as a whole is to ignore what makes it one of the most intriguing places to live in and to explore. Though there’s undoubtedly reason behind the stereotypes, thinly veiled by these superlatives is a city imbued with intriguing contradictions and a Jekyll and Hyde character. Even the notorious search for accommodation in Paris highlights the contrasts prevalent in the city. From street level every Parisian building is stunning. Yet once you ascend the windy, breakneck staircase to the sixth floor - 6ème étage, sans ascenseur, the words dreaded by every student in search of accommodation - pass the luxury 200m squared apartments, you’ll encounter the infamous chambres de bonne. Formerly maids’ quarters usually found at the top of the building, they are shoebox rooms, where some poor student attempts to eat, sleep and shower. The contrast with what lies below could not be more striking and is a constant reminder of the social deprivation which haunts Paris’ past and its present. The sight of homeless families in the shadow of the Eiffel Tower and on the edge of the most in-demand postcodes in the world is a disturbing juxtaposition. Yet as much as Paris’ veiled world has a darker side to it, it ultimately reveals a culture far richer than meets the eye. Tiny, dark bars down little alleyways invariably provide a better night out than the bright lights of Les Champs and the depth of culture in terms of music, art and literature is undeniable. Witnessing the Paris you don’t see in the movies is striking and surprising, but perhaps only with this knowledge can other aspects of the city be opened up and the Parisian culture be fully embraced. Look deeper into the culture and society, and you’ll find that the surprises are increasingly of the positive kind.

Darius Barik

Flickr: Nachett

! r u o on t

An infiltration of a lads’ holiday: Part Three I first open my eyes at 16 minutes past eight, and the room spins around me. I am definitely still drunk. By my bed is a pint glass of water and a packet of Alka-Seltzer tablets. My drunken self, to its merit, always remembers to prepare for a hangover.

unpleasantries seem not to have sullied the overall experience of the night.

It is only after I have taken the first few sips of insipid, effervescent liquid analgesic that I come to fully appreciate my surroundings. Sunlight is streaming unapologetically into the room, gently warming the fug of stale breath and other bodily gases that are seasoning the 500 or so cubic metres of air that my roommate and I have been sharing for the past few hours.

‘Didn’t he go home with that girl?’ replies Spray Tan. ‘She looked a bit grimy, to be honest – I wouldn’t have gone there.’

In the bed opposite me, Spray Tan is lying with his mouth open, sheets falling off the bed. A steady stream of saliva is moistening the corner of his pillow. I put in my earphones and try to go back to sleep while listening to recordings of The News Quiz.

Spray Tan and I leave Bloody Good Laugh to compose himself, and rush to Adrian’s aid.

A couple of hours later, the calming tones of Sandi Toksvig have given way to the decidedly harsher sound of Bloody Good Laugh, in the bathroom, emptying the contents of his stomach. The morning’s

‘Fucking great night, mate,’ says Bloody Good Laugh, between spitting morsels of half-digested döner kebab into the toilet bowl. ‘Where’s Adrian, though?’

Almost on cue, my phone rings. It is Adrian. ‘Mate,’ he says. ‘I’m at the police station.’

“Good job I’ve got my dad’s American Express. Plenty more lash cash courtesy of Adrian Senior.” It transpires that ‘the girl’, who, in

retrospect, did seem rather suspiciously keener on Adrian than the established norm, was – for want of a better phrase – a woman whose company came at a price. Adrian, blissfully unaware of the contract he had entered into, was understandably somewhat taken aback when his newfound friend requested her palms be greased with a small wad of Euros. When it became clear that Adrian would not be providing manual lubricant of any kind, the ensuing altercation between Adrian and her ‘supervisor’ caught the attention of the local constabulary. ‘They made me pay her, and I’ve got to pay a fine for fighting in the street,’ Adrian laments. ‘Good job I’ve got my dad’s American Express, though. Plenty more lash cash courtesy of Adrian Senior.’ ‘Might I suggest that, given that one of us got so drunk he committed an act of misdemeanour, and another is, presumably, still hugging the lavatory as though it were his newborn child, that we take the night off? Perhaps we should go out for a paella and play a game of Scrabble...’ ‘Stop being a twat,’ says Spray Tan. ‘As soon as Bloody Good Laugh can stand up, we’re re-boarding the lash train.’ Old habits, I suppose, die hard.


Flickr: Will Spaetzel

A day in ... Brooklyn A student guide to Manhattan’s hidden hipster sister Move over Manhattan - Brooklyn is the new, cooler kid on the block. From converted warehouses, to gorgeous waterfront views and fantastic food, Brooklyn is a Mecca for New York’s trendsetters. Start your day with a croissant at Almondine, a French bakery in DUMBO – an amusing acronym for an area named ‘Down Under the Manhattan Bridge Overpass’ – before taking a walk around Brooklyn Bridge Park to see urban regeneration at its finest, and to get a picture-perfect view of Manhattan’s skyline. If you’re feeling energetic, you can walk across the Brooklyn Bridge for views of New York up and down the East River. Later on, take the East River Ferry to Williamsburg, a neighbourhood at the forefront of Brooklyn’s art scene. If you’re there at the weekend, stop by Brooklyn Flea — an outdoor market with everything from clothing to antiques. Bedford Avenue, the main thoroughfare, houses a mishmash of Puerto Rican bodegas, fun restaurants and unique shops. After traipsing around Williamsburg, take the subway to Park Slope. The neighbourhood is notorious for being a haven for young families, but gorgeous tree lined streets and a bustling atmosphere make up for the often chaotic vibe. A wander around Prospect Park, Central Park’s smaller, more natural

cousin is also must-do in this area of the city. From here, it’s only a short walk to the recently refurbished Brooklyn Museum. Explore the small but impressive art collection, the period rooms or one of their ever-rotating special exhibits for some mental stimulation. When that’s all too much, go to the glass pavilion outside and relax before you head for dinner. In the early evening, take the bus to Red Hook, a sleepy neighbourhood that’s more reminiscent of a seaside town than the Big Apple. There’s not much to see in the way of landmarks, but the streets themselves are an interesting study in contrasts. A short walk down toward the water is Hope and Anchor, a casual American restaurant with weathered wooden panels. Choose from a laundry list of different burger options or other American classics. After dinner, you can either walk along the water or pop over to nearby Fort Defiance for live music and an afterdinner cocktail, for a lively end to a day in the side of New York that is so often forgotten about. Flickr: Andrew C Mace

Paris: Europe’s most two-faced city

Emilia Morano-Williams

Editor: Alicia Queiro travel@


Deputy: Alex Bradbrook deputytravel@

Forget Barcelona, Paris and Dublin...

Did you know that direct from Bristol Airport, amongst the hoardes of flights to these clichéd, been-there-done-that destinations, there are dozens of fascinating, undiscovered places, that you can visit from as little as £30 return? Here are a few of Travel’s favourites...


UK) 395 nner r: co

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nd) Poznan (Pola

affection Having lived in Buenos Aires, America’s ‘European’ capital, for almost two months, I think it is fair to say, to my disappointment, that I will never be a true porteña. From fashion to cuisine, dating to slang, the porteños, as BA’s inhabitants are known, really do have their own take on everything. On arrival, I wondered if my plane had landed on the right continent as I struggled my way through the taxi journey in Spanish and received replies in what sounded like an Aztecan tribal tongue. It turned out that this was simply - or actually rather complicatedly - lunfardo, the porteño personalised slang adorned with excessively prolonged a’s, plenty of rolled r’s and a lack of th’s, to which we Bristoltaught Spanish students are not accustomed. And my vocabulary could do with some work too. It turns out that the confused, awkward look I received upon asking for cold and flu medicine was due to the fact that I had actually asked for constipation medicine. Sadly, things weren’t looking up when I asked where I could have sexual relations with a bus (coger, meaning ‘to catch’ in Castilian Spanish, means something else entirely in South America). At that moment I realised that if I had any hope of surviving, it was out with my trusted Collins Spanish dictionary and in with some real Argentine friends.

Flickr: quinn.anya

The good, the bad and the ugly sides of student backpacking With backpacks full of intrepid travelling gear and a determination to experience the real South America, my travelling companion and I embarked on our journey: starting in Peru, traversing through Bolivia and Paraguay and ending in Rio de Janeiro. Most of these destinations would not be easy to explore luxuriously even if your budget permitted it – and ours certainly did not.

‘It is surprising how many Peruvians you can fit in a small vehicle at any one time’ Upon arrival in Lima, it was decided that we would start as we intended to go on, so we didn’t take a taxi to the area in which we wanted to stay. Instead, we bundled ourselves into an odd little truck driven by a madman. It is surprising how many Peruvians you can fit in a small vehicle at any one time, and even more surprising when said Peruvians start screaming and shouting. After stumbling off the death wagon, tired and stressed, I turned to look at my travelling partner. Expecting to find the same exasperated expression on his face, I was truly horrified when I was met with a completely genuine grin and the words: ‘That was fun!’. I knew then that this would only be the beginning of putting ourselves through stressful situations, all in the pursuit of a cheap and authentic experience.

insistence on sticking to a strict budget also introduced us to the culinary delights of pollo broaster, fried chicken with rice or chips, though which part of the chicken you receive is somewhat of a lucky dip – something I discovered after receiving a deep fried chicken head. Oh, the joys of budget travel. To our disappointment, we couldn’t find any budget way of visiting Machu Picchu, so having parted with a fairly hefty entrance fee, it was decided that, to save the bus fare up to the entrance, walking up Wayna Picchu and back down to Aguas Calientes would definitely be the most sensible and enjoyable way to see one of the Seven Wonders of the World. This day was truly one of the most amazing I have ever had, despite a combination of sun stroke, thousands of stairs and not enough water or food throughout the day, leaving me struggling to walk properly for a week after.

Luckily, friend-hunting proved easier than expected given the language barrier. In fact, as I gazed out the aeroplane window wondering what the land of steak and polo had in store, little did I know that my first Argentinian friend was a little closer than expected – sitting right next to me in row 16. It was over a misunderstanding involving a low-calorie meal that we bonded. Lucia proceeded to enlighten me about how most porteños only eat healthily - hard to believe when you can get anything delivered to your door here, from ice-cream to alcohol - and that she needed to go on a diet - she’s about a size four. 14 hours later we had exchanged life stories and contact details. Within five days, we were in her apartment sipping maté - the porteño fuel, an overly bitter version of green tea and, unsurprisingly, also an appetite suppressant. And two months later with daily messaging, weekly lunching and an invite to her family’s beach house under our belts, friendship sounds like an understatement.

Althpugh I contracted serious food poisoning and stayed the night in hostels which literally brought me out in a rash, I still wouldn’t have chosen to do the trip any other way. For every upset stomach, there is a wonderful experience that you would have otherwise missed out on. In each stressful situation, you find out first-hand how that country functions. While many of the experiences of budget travel are ones you enjoy with hindsight, there really is no other way to do it.

Sophie Padgett

In true backpacker style we decided not to book a hostel for the first night, a decision which led to us sleeping in a very basic room with one single bed and curiously wet walls. Our

Sophie Padgett


dodging and copious amounts of public

Flickr: guillen perez

South America’s hidden surprises


Argentina: Friend hunting, letch


oyUggGirl Flickr: UggB


Béziers (Fra nce)

Any British girl in Buenos Aires could testify to the difficulty of managing an undisturbed stroll down the street, to the local butchers, or even in your own apartment block. It seems porteño men really and truly believe that girls love being courted in the street, especially through incomprehensible mutterings and kissing actions with sound effects. Not to mention the King-Kong style facial hair which all men seem to sport in a deluded hope to bagsy one of the three girls at the pre-boliche - yes, lunfardo again. Who knew the term pre-lash had an Argie equivalent? One word the porteños fully understand is persistence. After a group of us met at the house of a friend’s landlord, Nacho, he managed to repeatedly and unsuccessfully ask four of us Brits to get a drink with him on separate occasions – always using the line ‘Are you from Buenos Aires? Your Spanish is so good, you must be a porteño.’ Lies, lies, lies! There really should be a travel guide on how to avoid people like Nacho. If only I had listened to the warning bells on arrival when the man at customs publicly proposed to me as I sweatily lifted my three enormous suitcases onto the conveyor belt. The average Bristol student musn’t be put off by the plethora of fitnessfreaks, overly hairy men, very public displays of affection and taxi drivers rehearsing for the next Grand Prix. Something about the people – their liveliness, friendliness to newbies or, of course, their excellent steak – leaves you wanting more of this vibrant porteño culture.

Sophia Hadjipateras Foreign Correspondent in Argentina

e2 254  

Issue 254 of e2, Epigram's lifestyle supplement

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