Editor: Imogen Palmer lifestyle@ epigram.org.uk
Freshers’ Survival Guide e2 helps you navigate the highs and lows of what may be one of the most overwhelming weeks of your life 1) Embrace it all. Just because you planned on becoming head of Indie Soc, doesn’t mean you can’t enjoy Bunker. 2) Talk to Everyone. Even that guy on the bus. That girl over there eagerly reading her copy of Epigram. During Freshers’ normal social decorum does not apply. As the year goes on, friendship groups will become more defined so now is the time to build those bridges. Right now. No pressure or anything! By day three you may have reached your tether with the number of mutual friend discussions you can have, but power through because they will often lead to some great conversations with complete strangers. A DMC (deep and meaningful conversation) on the way back from Lounge is always the best way to sober up. 3) FOOD. Better than booze for luring new friends in to your room without any suggestive ulterior motives. Particularly effective after a night out.
H S RE or
F MESS ?
2 e k o o neaw l ctua
on your flatm ates Lounge
4) Freebies. Collect them left, right and centre. Who knows when you’ll need them? 5) Leave your bedroom door open. Sure, there may be a draft but it’s the best way to show neighbours that you’re welcoming. Just remember to close it when you’re getting naked (or not, we don’t judge). 6) Remember to keep your front door closed. As far as I know, nobody is a big fan of being robbed. Freshers’ week or not, play safe. 7) Don’t be a pussy! This is not the time to whinge about a hangover. Drink water; take some aspirin and man up! After all freshers’ only happens once. 8) However, it’s OK to cry. Even those who were dry-eyed during Schindler’s List often find that the mayhem of Freshers’ can get to them too. Enforced partying with people you’ve just met isn’t a walk in the park for most and it can all get a bit overwhelming. If you find yourself weeping whilst on a lonely walk down Whiteladies just remember the words of the sometimes wise, late Michael Jackson: you are not alone! 9) Don’t miss the registration meetings. However tempting it is to sleep off your hangover, missing vital documents and information on your course is way more stressful. After all, university IS about education. Apparently. 10) Condoms. 11) Be who you want to be, not who you were. Throughout secondary school you may have acquired a reputation as the shy one in your group. Were you always overshadowed by your best friend? Well, where’s that biatch now? Have you always been drawn to the dark side and fancied becoming a Goth? Now’s your chance! Dye your hair and pierce that lip. Just make sure you take the correct safety precautions. Red skin and infected piercings aren’t the best look. 11) And finally…Make the most of it! Yes it is cliché, but let’s be honest- the freshers’ experience is a series of clichés. They just happen to be very fun ones.
Welcome (back) to Bristol
and welcome, of course, to the new look e2
This year things are a little different.
Deputy: Mariah Hedges deputylifestyle@ epigram.org.uk
Lifestyle : Imogen Palmer and Mariah Hedges
losing your keys
Each issue we take a theme you know and love - or possibly hate - and turn it on its head leaving you the freshest, most relevant content.
who will meet 1pm, 11th October at The White Bear
n Dan’ i y x e g a ‘S out Findin ebook with hon of him your p y r o em any m in s r i a e st h t n ow y d g pin librar p i r T ASS the losing your phone
who will meet 1pm, 14th October at The White Bear
So whether you’re feeling fresh or more of a mess let e2 guide you through the fiery gauntlet that is Freshers’
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As you can, hopefully, tell from our Pollock meets Carmen Miranda cover our topic this issue is FRESH MESS.
What’s On : Olivia Stephany Fashion : Francesca Clayton and Lizzy Bullock Travel : Verity Stockdale
who will meet 2pm, 12th October at The White Bear
Money : Alex Denne
who will meet 5.30pm, 13th October at The Hill
with e2 editor : Matthew McCrory illustrator : Sophie Sladen cover photography : Jamie Corbin
losing your dignity accidentally sexting your mum
e g n u Lo
10. 10. 2011
The Real ‘High Renaissance Man’ Tom Stourton (left) studied History of Art at the University of Bristol and is now one half of the comedy duo ‘Totally Tom’ with Tom Palmer. They were nominated for Best Newcomer at this year’s Edinburgh Fringe Festival and recently filmed a pilot for Channel 4’s Comedy Lab
Beer or cider? Beer. I don’t like cider breath Itchy Feet or Shit the Bed? I never went to either but why not Shit the Bed? Gap year travel or Lads on tour? Lads on Tour Skins or Inbetweeners? Inbetweeners Edinburgh or London? London Hogwarts or Middle Earth? Middle Earth
I’ll be in a series of statements? That’s going to make me sound switched on. I wish I had a hilarious anecdote about Freshers’ week. But it was pretty standard really. I really enjoyed my experience of Bristol. Living in a really nice house with good mates was the most consistent highlight. Tom and I have been friends since school. We’d done sketch comedy in the past but ‘High Renaissance Man’ was the first thing we’d put together on a larger scale.
Tom was busy with his degree whereas I didn’t have a lot to do. I used my student loan to buy a video camera. We never expected it to get this much attention. My friend suggested we put it on Youtube and it went on from there.
I guess there are some rather depressing parallels to be drawn between me and the ‘High Renaissance Man’. I did History of Art and attempted to DJ unsuccessfully on a number of occasions.
I’m constantly making a tit out of myself in small embarrassing ways. There were times in Edinburgh I’d meet a comedian I really respected and just act like a huge dork around them.
Luckily nobody came in drunk enough to heckle. That would have been a bit depressing for them at three in the afternoon. It’s good to see as much of others people’s stuff as possible to keep you on your toes. You know, you assume what you’re doing is really original until you see someone else. The Bristol Revunions were amazing in Edinburgh. I don’t want the ruin the end but it was very original. Maybe Tom is the Harry to my Ron as he is slightly better looking. Only slightly. He tends to type while I maintain the pretence of helping by being in the room playing with a ball or something. We’re pretty good at telling one another if something isn’t working - if the timing is off or the idea is a bit shit.
We’ve got a friend that keeps on telling us not to ‘sell-out’. I might at some point - you need to pay the rent. We’ve had a script commissioned by the company Baby Cow so we’ve spent the last three weeks lying in the sitting room not coming up with anything. But the plan is to come up with something and write that. Youtube is great. Putting something on there is like a ready-made calling card for producers.
Dojos was a lot of fun. Is that still cool?
Confreshional reshers’ Week was one big blur. The days were F spent rushing around introductory meetings which, being new to the city, were hard to find. On
top of that, being bombarded with information is a struggle to digest when hungover. The nights, in comparison, started with the compulsory ‘pre-lash’ which was followed by freezing bar-crawls down Whiteladies which finished in sweaty clubs dancing to what seemed to be an endless repeat of ‘Gold Dust’ by DJ Fresh . My neighbour appreciated the song so much that he proceeded to play it every night out for the rest of the year. He will be forever associated with that song. The only way I can distinguish all these nights were the different costumes worn in order to comply with the theme of each event. The emphasis on costume is almost ritualistic. Mornings after would be spent emerging hazily to discover the block littered with empty bottles, lost chairs and once a shopping trolley which came as a surprise. Apparently this was a birthday present to a flatmate - there’s only so far loans will stretch. A road sign had the chance to sample the hall grounds and we’re still not sure who lugged it back. If you have never lived in a small community, the speed at which gossip spreads in halls may come as shock. My naïve Freshers’ self soon grew to learn that it spread like wildfire. Everyone knew everything about everyone so you had to be careful what you were remembered for.
There’s also the idea, perhaps fictionalized by film and television, that you would automatically become best-friends with everyone in your block. Nevertheless in my experience people’s true colours only started to emerge once the novelty of Freshers’ had worn off a bit and the ‘work’ had started. One friend discovered that her flatmate had a habit of throwing food around when drunk. Initially it was funny and helped to clear out their overcrowded student fridge, but, by mid-November his antics were becoming tiring. Food-wise, I also started to experience the phenomena of food stealing or ‘borrowing’ as some preferred to call it. Luckily on my floor the only dangeruous item to leave in the fridge was milk; semi-skimmed seemed especially popular. One flatmate, in vain, even started buying whole milk in an attempt to stop his being stolen. The floor below mine suffered so badly from this that their fridge sat near-empty at most times. Despite this, Freshers’ year was a unique experience. It was not only the most chaotic but also the most enjoyable time of my life so far. Sadly, before I knew it my parents were once again in Bristol helping me to move out. So, make the most of your time as a Fresher, and your results not counting, while it lasts. Anna Rowley
Flickr: Chives photography
Deputy: Mariah Hedges deputylifestyle@ epigram.org.uk
Editor: Imogen Palmer lifestyle@ epigram.org.uk
s I watch the rest of the fresh meat unloading their belongings from their cars, parents mournfully looking on as the realisation that they are leaving their precious children behind them sinks in, I can’t help but wonder…what does this year have in store for us? Who will be caught on the infamous Bunker Pullcam and who will catch Freshers’ flu? Who will be receiving firsts, and who will be needing first aid? Who will be the trendsetters, the losers, the druggies, the rahs? I suppose only time will tell. I’m nervous, but it’s unsurprising, as I’ve never done anything like this before. Same school my whole life, no gap yah and a close, intimate clique of friends at home – I can’t quite believe that I’m about to meet people outside the bubble I call North London. The first person I talk to is a girl on my corridor called Annie. With her hair ‘messily’ scraped back into a high-pony, blonde highlights and a Maje leather jacket, she looks like she’s walked straight off the set of Made in Chelsea. Surprisingly though, she’s actually really friendly, asking me questions as though she’s genuinely interested in my answers. We walk to the introductory talk together where we meet the rest of our floor; a good-looking guy dressed in chinos and a navy Barbour jacket, Fei, stands out in my mind. In the talk we are warned of three things: meningitis, the danger of crossing the Downs by ourselves late at night (this is aimed specifically at the boys), and the consequences we will have to pay if we are caught stealing road signs. Our unit tutor explains the plan for this evening – we need to ‘smurf up’ and get down to Syndicate. We retreat to our own rooms to get blue and I think about the week in store for me – I hope I can handle going out and drinking every night, and won’t miss Rob, my boyfriend at Cambridge, too much. I am shaken out of my thoughts though as I hear everyone uniting to pre-drink in the stairwell. We play a quick round of Ring of Fire, then Arrogance. Will, who dares himself to run naked through the corridor, is relieved to see he has an Eight of Hearts when the cards are revealed, although Annie, who has unfortunately picked a Three of Spades, the lowest card of the group, is made to carry out her own dare – she downs the rest of her vodka amongst cheers of ‘We like to drink with Annie, ’cos Annie is our mate, and when we drink with Annie, she gets it down in 8-7-6…’. We continue playing until everyone is sufficiently blocked and at around midnight, as a group of twelve scantilyclad smurfs, we head out into the night. KS
A fresh take on food
My opinion of a food establishment can be instantly enhanced by their possession or utilisation of condiments. Whether a pretentiously non-existent ‘jus’, or ‘coulis’, in some uppity establishment or in a regular Bristol cafe, condiments make all the difference. A good condiments tray will make my day - Start the Bus for example boasts three types of Tabasco, THREE. Unfortunately, as a student, expensive dining is not so accessible; the ‘herb crumb’ and ‘pomegranate reduction’ will have to wait. In the mean time we can do it ourselves at home. No need to go over the top, just remember our little food saviours- the condiments.
it takes is a little know how to transform and refresh repetitive dishes into a taste extravaganza. Now the moment you’ve all been waiting for. I am about to reveal the best condiment I have ever encountered. It’s expensive and comes in a pretentiously small and chic jar. It goes a long way and for anyone with a flair for spices it could, potentially, change your world. The problem with many spice accompaniments is that they add a burn without injecting much flavour. Belazu Rose Harissa combines great taste with a kick to create the ultimate condiment to be matched with any savoury dish. Regular Harissa is easy to get hold of and a cheaper alternative but is more of a paste and doesn’t have the same effect. Harissa is basically a chilli paste, but Belazu combines fresh chilli in their oh-so-fine oil with rose and over forty other spices to create the stuff of dreams.
Cheap student food can be instantly enhanced and dishes refreshed by a few carefully selected sauces or seasonings. We’ve got the basics: salt, pepper, and all those standard herbs and spices but I feel we are scrimping. Whilst it is true that less Flickr: petery is often more with these things, as a student a pricey little pot or jar often doesn’t make it in the basket because it seems to make more sense to buy more cheap food than splash out on a transformative item. A dull It’s not for everyone but I urge you to go and pick something- any sort of macaroni cheese can be transformed with a splash of Lee and Perrins. Just a dash strange jar or pot which takes your fancy. Experiment. Condiments are key. of balsamic can enhance a salad or meal. Sundried tomato paste creates richness It’ll only cost a few pounds, last ages but could change your culinary world unattainable by other means in sauces, whether for pasta, casserole or stew. Easy. All . Kate Kelley
10. 10. 2011
Make it cheap - make it fresh Are you looking for a fresh start to the year or are you just keen to avoid freshers’ flu?
Well we’ve got a secret ingredient we’d like to share that’ll save you some cash and bring great food to the table. Being students, we have learnt how important it is to budget, especially in the food department. We’ve figured out that if you can locally source your fruit and vegetables there are pounds to be saved. There’s also the added bonus of a boosted immune system, more money for nights out and delicious food reaching your tummies. The soaring prices of supermarket produce challenges the notion that they provide the best value for money and any form of service to the community. Who says Sainsbury’s Basics is the only option out there? In the current recession, we are aware that many small businesses are depleting rapidly, but it’s usually these small businesses that simplify bargain-hunting. Gloucester Road is home to a host of humble farmers’ markets and fresh fruit and vegetable businesses such as Gardeners Patch or Biggsy’s Feel’n Fruity. It is family green grocers like these that aim to stock locally sourced fresh fruit and veg that sell at a far cheaper price than your local supermarkets. For example, an avocado in Sainsbury’s costs you around a £1 whereas you can expect to pick up three for the same price on Gloucester Road. When we spoke to Jackie Gardener from Gardeners Patch she mentioned how ‘we stock the same things as big supermarkets but without all the packaging. Plus our produce is locally sourced from farmers around Bristol.’ Not only are these stores far cheaper than our local supermarkets, but their produce must be stacked full of good nutrition.
“Who says Sainsbury’s Basics is the only option out there?” We propose that you take a step out of your usual supermarket routine and make a trip to Gloucester Road. We’re sure you will relish the experience. We nipped down the other day with a recipe for chicken and butternut squash stew and experienced great service as the shop assistant rushed around plucking out the chillies and garlic from the wicker baskets. Now whilst we can’t promise this service, what we can promise is great value for money. So get down to Gloucester Road to sample the fresh fruit and vegetables and to beat the ever rising prices of the supermarkets. It’s also a crafty way to keep that fresher’s flu at bay! Alice Straker and Victoria Foot
A fab alternative to the Kebab Beans on toast
you will need: beans, toast Flickr: (West Digital)
SOCIETY SLUT S
ociety Slut struggles in the summer time. It is long and arduous and there is a distinct lack of organised fun. In a moment of desperation I ended up at the local gym stepping in time to Now 64 with a group of middle aged women in uncomfortably tight swimming costumes. This was not ideal. Which is why, upon it’s eagerly anticipated return to the Bristol Society Scene, I was determined to kick-start the year with something fierce, something that would make me seem tough to strangers, something martial-arts-esque but without the pyjamas. Lush, I thought, that’ll make me sound pretty fierce and intimidating when I tell people in the pub. And indeed, it does, even if the vision I had of Kickboxing prior to my experience differed vastly to what actually unfolded. Misconception Number One: it will be full of angst-y men channelling their testosterone fuelled aggression into bouts of violence. WRONG: the male-female ratio was 3:1 and they appeared to be irritatingly friendly. Misconception Two: an angry coach with a voice like a steam train will grunt ‘you wanna be the best doncha?!’ and make you run up stairs, punch through pieces of wood at close range and catch flies with chop sticks. The session took place
1) Make toast 2) Heat beans (optional) 3) Combine serving suggestion
at Power Sports Gym - quality name - on Hampton lane. This meant there was a distinct lack of stairs to run up and while the man leading the session did look professionally beefy, he did not chew a cigar or shout incomprehensibly, which was quite encouraging really. Misconception Three: there is Kickboxing involved. Ok I exaggerate but over half the session is spent doing circuits to warm up- skipping, jogging, side-steps, sit-ups, crunches, stretches, touch your toes, touch the floor, do the ‘shrimp across the floor (???). I felt the ‘POWER’ the gym’s name suggested. I wasn’t surprised at the general lack of composure and excessive perspiration as the warm-up on its own beat a gym session. Actual Kickboxing begins in the second half of the session and this did meet my expectations as it involved a certain amount of kicking. And boxing. Ah, that’s why there is all that stretching…so you can kick your opponent in the FACE with your now extra-flexible energy legs. Practicing the technique even beat Aquasize as at the end we got to attempt to beat the crap out of each other. Ok, it was called ‘sparring’ and most people took it at their own pace but seeing as it was my first society and I wanted to impress all my new friends and twitter followers, I went Rambo on this twiglet of a girl. It was going pretty well on my part - I managed to block a few and knock a few myself - until I misjudged a kick and got her in the crotch. While this may not be the end of the
world for a lady, it’s still a tad awkward if you’ve only just met. I wasn’t there to make friends anyway so I don’t know why she got so bothered. Some people are just so self-involved. Kickboxing is a pretty funky way of keeping fit, especially if you are a natural. For others, they may as well head to Knitting Soc if they’re going to cry about a slip of the elbow in their face. email Captain Jenny Whinny for more email@example.com
Pull F Persp actor : 9 / iratio n : 12 10 / Dign ity : 2 10 / 10
Editor: Imogen Palmer lifestyle@ epigram.org.uk
Lost in translation I arrived two years ago as an international student from Hong Kong and was met with a barrage of British-isms that I didn’t quite understand. It wasn’t a language barrier per se. In fact, it wasn’t at all as both of my parents are Scottish and I only speak English (unless you count a fairly impressive array of Cantonese swearwords). Rather, I encountered a cultural conundrum. After two years of looking like a twit, or a numpty, a noggin or a ninny, if you’d prefer (All British for: fool), I now feel that I have at least begun to grasp the oddities (British: strange parts) of what it means to be British. So to those of you starting a new life not only as a university student, but also as a resident of the United Kingdom, I offer you my guide to baffling Britishisms that you will encounter, and some words and phrases that will hopefully help you to decipher the country’s cultural code. Meeting People, Tea and the Weather The chances are that as an international student you, like me, arrived in halls at least a couple of days before your native British peers. Now in a flurry of suitcases and flustered parents, your once solitary hall has been transformed into one abuzz with “Hi’s!” and “What’s your name’s?” Now it is finally time to meet the baffling Brits. Tea (or Brew, Cuppa) It continues to astonish me how much of the daily activity centres on the kitchen, the kettle and the Great British Cup of Tea. Both comforter and icebreaker, the act of tea making is ingrained in British social behavior and serves as the context for a large portion of casual interaction. So if you’re looking for a way to fast track a friendship, pop the kettle on and choose one of the following topics to chat (British: talk) about: Fit Freshers (British slang for Attractive First Year Students) This is an appropriate topic of conversation for speaking to either male or female Brits. Saying that someone is fit means that they are hot, sexy, or just plain old good-looking, without necessarily meaning that they are particularly muscular or athletic. Note: This traditional use of the word is also in use. Football (or Soccer) If you value your life, do not refer to it as soccer in front of anyone British. You will get ripped (British: teased, made fun of) for being foreign, and they will then assume that your use of the term means that you know nothing about the game itself. An excellent way to begin male bonding in Britain, I would strongly advise all male Freshers to become fluent in football ASAP. Weather Yes, it is boring, and yes, everyone knows that it is, but, for whatever reason, British people are borderline obsessive when it comes to the country’s weather patterns and are always willing to talk about it. Note: if you breach this subject remember that it is always either too hot, too cold, too wet or too windy; it is never a pleasant temperature. What Happened Last Night (or Gossip) Although maybe not quite as prone to gossiping as their friends across the pond (American: ‘pond’ referring to the Atlantic Ocean), British people do love a good natter (discussion) on what happened last night. This is particularly true of female Brits during Freshers’ Week who will frequently resort to the universal language of gossip to overcome all potential crosscultural barriers. Caution: Only to be used in a controlled environment and in moderation, because no one likes an arse-hole (British: take a guess), no matter where you come from. Stephanie Linning
Dear Pandora, I recently started at Bristol and I’m having trouble making friends. I study Aeronautical Engineering and with so many contact hours I feel like I’m missing out on all the parties my friends from halls are talking about. I’ve met a few people on my course but they all seem a bit dull. I’ve tried suggesting that we go out for a drink after lectures but they all claim to be too busy (doing what?).
s ’ a r o Pand Box
What can I do to get more involved? (name censored for privacy)
Deputy: Mariah Hedges deputylifestyle@ epigram.org.uk
The Revolution shall not be televised What fresh hell is this?
reshers’ Week. Oh those crazy shenanigans we all had, trailblazing our way through never-before discovered territory: blue body paint, £1 snake bites, attending lectures feeling seven shades of vom, not attending lectures because you feel seven shades of vom and awkwardly getting off with someone who’ll inevitably cause you to spend the rest of the year developing an overwhelming interest in tarmac whenever they walk past. That’s right, Fresh-warrior. Blaze that trail. So, bearing all of this in mind, I think we can safely predict the five words on every new student’s lips:... Societally dictated arbitrarily enforced fun. Is that...not...what you were going to say? It now seems like blasphemy against the god of Freshers’ to make it all the way there, and not get out and plant your dignity flag in Bunker (oh how I’ve missed your sticky floors and confusing double toilet) as a sad souvenir you’ll never be able to reclaim. You don’t want to be the one left behind in the Columbia with the command gear and the dehydrated space nuts. No one wants to be Michael Collins. And if that extended metaphor didn’t get you off, then I really have nothing to offer you. But, as someone with a mild allergy to the word ‘should’, the idea of seven days of organised fun, during which we mutually have the best week of all our lives, makes me raise an eyebrow. I had seven formative experiences in my fresher’s year. One of them’s too dirty to talk about. Three of them involved crying uncontrollable into my dubstep-hangover camomile tea. One of them was a spiritual epiphany and one was heavily based around salted caramel brownies (note to skint students- DO spend your last pennies on the artisan baked goods that abound in Bristol, so that you can’t afford to do laundry. You won’t regret it and, contrary to popular belief, that musk is both edgy and alluring). But the most important thing I learnt - and learning at university, I think, seems appropriate - is that blasphemy might be a good thing. That is, if it means challenging norms and questioning the ‘should’ brigade. Much as the spontaneous nights that involve throwing a random amount of make up at your face and necking a red bull in the cab are inevitably better than New Year’s Eve, your best experiences may well not fall in a pre-ordained week. Shock horror, they may not fall in university at all. And that’s ok. And if they do, and your first night, dressed as a smurf and drunkenly hugging people who probably wouldn’t save you from a burning building, happens to be the best night of your life, that’s ok too. It seems like a grim prospect to me, but there’s really no accounting for taste; some people like clubbing with strangers, some people like keeping their wife and children in a concrete bunker under their house. And look, we’re right back to Bunker. Give or take a few inappropriate Fritzl references, the general summary of what I’m trying to say is mostly peace and love. Make friends with people you actually like - proximity is no guarantee of a kindred spirit, so if your well-timed abortion gag is met with silence, run for the hills; do things you enjoy - when the rest of the known world is going to Oceana, follow that man with dreads who recommended you a reggae night in Stokes Croft, and Jah guide you; and if someone comes up to you on your first day and sheepishly mentions how worried they are about finding a house next year, SHOOT THEM, shoot them in the face. No, really, I mean it, those people are who AK47s were designed for. Rachel Schraer
I rather expect that you’d like me to say what you want to hear rather than tell you the the truth. Unfortunately, Pandora doesn’t play that game. The problem is that you’ve picked a painfully boring, one-dimensional course. Isn’t Aeronautical Engineering just talking about planes and playing with calculators? I suggest that you spend some time with those studying something a little more, multifacted. Someone who is learning how to think rather than simply how to ‘do’. Do you understand what I’m saying here? Talk to a linguist or philosoper and truly expand your mind. Yours truly recently graduated in Philosophy and German (first class honours since you ask) and much richer, in spirit of course, having done so.. You probably hadn’t considered this but read something outside of your course. ‘For fun’ if you will. I recommend Dante’s Inferno, in the original of course. Maybe then you’ll see how snivelling and self-indulgent your ‘problem’ really is.
10. 10. 2011
HARVEY NICHOLS BRISTOL SECRET SHOPPING PARTY TUESDAY 11TH OCTOBER 6.30PM – 9PM Come and experience the first ever private shopping party for students in Harvey Nichols Manchester. - Complimentary drinks, treats, beauty treatments, tips, demos and offers - 10% Discount on the night* - Complimentary goody bag when you spend over £50 - DJs playing all night - Free transport to the store at 6pm and 6:30pm from Bristol University Students Union building
To attend the party pick up your Harvey Nichols wristband from the Freshers’ Hub, visit the store or simply turn up on the night with NUS card. *Excluding certain departments
Editor: Olivia Stephany firstname.lastname@example.org
Best of Bristol
WE ARE THREE SISTERS
1. The Slow Food Market Fast food is so 2010. Head down to Corn Street on the first Sunday of every month to experience a delicious mix of artisan food stalls, special menus, cooking demonstrations and a celebration of all things slow. Also check out Brooks Guesthouse which has a lovely garden space for chilling out in the sunshine.
2. The Tobacco Factory Market If you’re a sucker for all things organic and eco-friendly, check out the food and craft market which takes place in the Tobacco Factory car park every Sunday. All the produce is locally sourced so come along to support the Bristol community and sample some delicious treats. Also don’t miss the Tobacco Factory Café Bar which serves brunch, tapas, coffee, cake, and lovely local beers throughout the day.
Practically everyone knows and loves the Brontë sisters so come along to see Blake Morrison’s imagining of the lives of Charlotte, Emily and Anne Brontë in the 1840s, Yorkshire.
4th – 8th October Tobacco Factory £13 (£9 Concs)
3. The Harbourside Market
EUROPE LOVES CINEMA; AMELIE
The weekly Harbourside Market gives us another opportunity to explore high-quality, locally produced food and crafts. You’ll find a whole array of food, art, and crafts on Saturdays and books, records, and plants on Sundays – there is something for everyone!
This beautiful French classic was originally called Le Fabuleux Destin d’Amélie Poulin. Directed by Jean-Pierre Jeunet and starring Audrey Tautou, Amélie perfectly depicts contemporary Parisian life through the eyes of a shy, French waitress.
4. Whiteladies Road Farmers’ Market Are you sick of intensively farmed, overpackaged food flown half way round the globe before it even gets to the supermarket? Conveniently placed if you’re living in Stoke Bishop or Redland, Whiteladies Road Farmers’ Market provides students with reasonably priced, local, seasonal food. Open on first and third Saturday’s of every month.
12 October Watershed £5.60 with NUS
5. Bristol Book Market Come and search for your favourite authors among a huge collection of books at the Bristol Book Market on the first Sunday of every month on Wine Street. This market has already been awarded the National Association of British Market Authorities ‘Best Small Market 2011’ prize since it opened last year so it’s definitely worth a visit! Olivia Stephany
Cabot Circus student takeover My mother always harps on at me, ‘It’s not a bargain unless you actually need it’. She has a point, sort of. But no one ever needs a pair of shiny galactic American Apparel leggings or yet another edgy single-sleeved playsuit from Urban Outfitters – we just want them. However, with tight student budgets, it can be difficult to justify spending £60 on something the size of a handkerchief fashioned into a crop top. Therefore, on Tuesday 11th October students in Bristol are invited to take part in a massive student discount event taking over Cabot Circus.
SHIT THE BED
Shit the Bed returns to In:motion with another massive line up! Don’t miss out on the first one of the year - it’s guaranteed to be a big one! And don’t forget to buy your tickets in advance because they’ll sell out quickly. 14 October Motion £16.50
The event kicks off with registration at Quakers Friars at 4:30pm where Krispy Kreme will be giving out free doughnuts (in my opinion, making a trip down is worth it if only for that). To speed up the registration process, students should go onto www.studentlockin.com but must remember to take student cards with them on the day. If you’re a twitter user, use the hashtag #studentlockin to join in on the fun. The event itself will take place from 5:30pm to 8:00pm – two and a half hours to snatch as many bargains as you can from a whole host of shops including Topshop, New Look, House of Fraser, Crew Clothing and many, many more. With bargains in the bag, pop along to one of the many restaurants taking part and grab some food with 50% off at Tampopo, 40% off at GBK and many more reductions. Aside from the discounts, there will be heaps of street entertainment too, ranging from abseiling to a surf simulator and even visiting reptiles from Bristol Zoo. Sometimes we all need a little retail therapy and to spend the ensuing days racked with guilt and avoiding our online banking. After a stressful first couple of days back in lectures, come along on Tuesday evening, make the most of the discounts and put that student loan to good use. Verity Stockdale
If you fancy hitting an exhibition this fortnight, head down to the Here Gallery to see photographs, collages and handmade books by the Bristol-based artist, Tom Cops.
14 October Here Gallery, 108 Stokes Croft Free
UNPUTDOWNABLE LITERARY FESTIVAL 2011
Whether you’re a massive bookworm or just enjoy the occasional holiday book, this brand new literary festival will get you thinking again. Discover big names alongside lesser knowns in a variety of events that are taking place throughout the city. 14 October - 23 October Venues across Bristol
10. 10. 2011 ‘SUNDAY IN THE PARK WITH GEORGE’ AUDITIONS
WE WILL ROCK YOU
14 October The Motorcycle Showroom, Stokes Croft, Bristol
BRISTOLUNCHOSEN FILM CAMPAIGN
UBU PHOTOSOC INTRODUCTORY TALK
Ever wished you really understood your camera but never had the chance to learn? Come along to the PhotoSoc Introductory Talk to find out how you can get the most out of your camera.
October 18th is UK AntiSlavery Day. Join millions of students, workers, and ordinary people across the country and take action to end slavery. Film: ‘The Hunt for Britain’s Sex Traffickers’
18 October Hall 2, Colston Hall, 13 Colston Street, Bristol
SKILL-SHARE; HOW TO WRITE A SONG FROM SCRATCH
16 October Tobacco Factory £7 per session (or £50 for the whole course)
20 October MR5C, Student Union
Lead vocalist of the alternative rock band Fightstar, Charlie Simpson has always prided himself on being a rocker, but he is now re-inventing himself as a folk artist. We’ll see how that one goes.
Check out Thekla’s newest weekly clubnight featuring the best in international, national and local DJ talent in house, garage, techno and bass.
Take a break from the stressful uni week with a night out at Wobble - the deepest dubstep, drum and bass and generally wobbly beats with regular guest Djs. Join us there every Tuesday during term-time
19 October Anson Rooms, Student Unionr £12.50
Every Friday Thekla £5
Every Tuesday Thekla £4 NUS
ENGINEERING AND IT CAREERS FAIR
A fun 3 hour course on how to decorate cupcakes with butter icing and sugarcraft. You don’t need to bring anything except yourselves! No previous experience necessary.
As part of the Bristol Festival of Literature, SilverWood Books is running an event at Foyles Bristol to help writers successfully selfpublish their work. Get involved as this is an awesome opportunity for all those aspiring authors out there. 19 October
With a variety of different employers and organisations exhibiting each day, this is a vital event to attend if you’re thinking of going into Engineering or IT after university.
16 October Aztec Hotel, Aztec West, Almondsbury, Bristol BS32 4TS
Foyles (bookshop), Quakers Friars, Cabot Circus
19 and 20 October Wills Memorial Building
CUPCAKE DECORATING COURSE
Have you got a great set of vocal chords but absolutely no clue how to go about song-writing? Come along to this course to learn how to broaden your skills.
A unique pop-up cinema event at Bristol’s boldest new arts space, supporting the Free West Papua Campaign. Independant films, fascinating speakers, food & drink and music.
Until 15 October Bristol Old Vic Studio
Friday, 14 October MR5C (Student Union)
11-29 October Bristol Hippodrome £29.50-£43.50
GALVANIZE PRESENTS.. EYE-D
Written by Natalie McGrath and directed by Emily Watson-Howes, Coasting is a ‘must-see production...a marvellously fresh and vitally engaging piece of brand new theatre’ in Bristol.
Ever fancied yourself as a bit of a performer? Don’t miss the auditions for Music Theatre Bristol’s first production of the year – Sunday in the Park with George. See MTB’s Facebook page for more details.
Written by author/ comedian Ben Elton, sellout rock-opera We Will Rock You features 31 of Queen’s greatest songs. Don’t miss out on this rock theatrical sensation!
women went to in order to look good in the‘Austerity Britain’ of the Second World War. It was a time of making the best of what was available and this resonates with consumers today. Since the 1920s, skirt length has long been linked with economic prosperity. The Hemline Index suggests that in good economic times women raised their hemlines to show off their silk stockings , then when times were harder women lowered their skirts to hide that they weren’t wearing any. Although silk stockings haven’t followed us into 2011, recent seasons have seen the popular resurgence of both the maxi and the midi skirt. Fashion was ladylike and elegant in the 40s and 50s and we’re now seeing that again with pencil skirts and classic silhouettes everywhere on the highstreet for Autumn. So why are the 60s and 70s - periods commonly associated with ‘free love’ and the mini skirt - back too? Despite the seemingly obvious opposition to earlier, more refined decades, it does actually
make sense. As much as today’s society has in common with the economic side of wartime Britain, it is an era with a different mindset and set of social customs, many of which seem distant and outdated today. Many of the differences between the 40s and modern society came about through social and political movements in the 60s and 70s such as feminism and the gay rights movement. Together, the two generations seem to make sense in our modern perspective: the mindset of the 60s and the frugality of the 40s. The amalgamation of two trends that aren’t traditionally associated with one another to create something entirely new is exactly what fashion is about: reinventing the old to make it fresh. Taking past trends and reimagining them for a new generation isn’t a lack of inspiration, but a testament to a designer’s originality in creating modern, wearable clothes that represent both our fashion history and our current identity. Lizzy Bullock
A lesson in fashion history
Metal Collar Necklace, ASOS, £12
Dalmatian Boots, Topshop £75
Elie Tahari 2011
Pencil Skirt, River Island £15
Max Mara 2011
Alexander McQueen 1995
When Helmut Newton first took the now iconic photgraph of Yves Saint Laurent’s ‘Le Smoking’ tuxedo in 1975, the brand became famous for their masculine-cut suits, and have sent a different version down the catwalk every year since. This year, the androgynous trend proved its enduring popularity as designers across the globe revealed their own interpretations of YSL’s masculine aesthetic. From white tuxedos with bow ties at Jason Wu, to cropped suit jackets and sequins at the Olsen sisters’ label The Row, the Autumn/Winter 2011 collections revealed that the designers of the present are more than familiar with the icons of the past. Israeli-born designer Elie Tahari’s offering of black lace bodices with sheer panelling bore a striking resemblance to Jean Paul Gaultier’s 2001 cut out corset, and with the fetish look a major trend this season, everyone from Topshop Unique to Louis Vuitton was channelling their inner vamp. The infamous 1995 Alexander McQueen show ‘Highland Rape’ was another apparent reference point for the designers of 2011 as a veritable tartan army was sent down the runway. Max Mara updated their clean cut aesthetic by offering subdued tartan dusted with glitter, while Burberry combined the trend with a nod to the 60s through their checked coats in primary colours. The 60s wasn’t the only decade to crop up on the catwalk; a popular alternative was the 40s, as seen in glorious technicolour at Gucci, and in the ladylike elegance at Donna Karan, while there were even a couple of 50s-style Teddy Boys at Dolce and Gabbana. Modern designers’ fascination with the history of fashion is seen year after year and in collection after collection. The creations that emerge from this fascination fuse past and present in a way which not only serves as testament to the continued influence of the innovators of the past, but as a herald of the promise of the future. Francesca Clayton
Leather Front Tee, Topshop, £50
Jason Wu 2011
or the past few seasons the catwalk has seen a dramatic increase in the number of designers referencing past eras. Trends from the 40s, 50s, 60s and 70s have slipped back into fashion like they never left in the first place. But why have these looks suddenly become fresh again and what does this say about us as consumers? Fashion has always acted as a barometer for the socio-economic climate of the time. Designers take influence from the world around them - and the market they are selling to - when envisioning future collections in order to remain relevant. As we remain entrenched in recession, the excess of couture and the luxe trends from seasons past start to seem tasteless as consumers struggle to make ends meet. Having less disposable income increases our desire for well-made pieces that can be worn over and over again. It comes as no surprise then that the fashion world has gone 40s and 50s mad. The ‘recessionista’ ideology of today is essentially a modern version of the lengths
Jean Paul Gaultier 2001
Deputy: Lizzy Bullock deputyfashion@ epigram.org.uk
A fresh perspective
Yves Saint Laurent 2002
Editor: Francesca Clayton fashion@ epigram.org.uk
Hat, H&M £12.99
10. 10. 2011
Increase your wardrobe’s shelf life I
t’s hard to let go of a fond fashion friend, like the fail safe summer dress which always guaranteed flattering photos or the go-withanything shorts that took you from beach to bar and back again. So, when you find something which compliments you perfectly, don’t cast it aside at the first sign of cold weather, but, like a faithful friend, hang on a little longer. The key is reinvention. Returning to university is the perfect time to reinvent yourself so why not put a new spin on some old clothes while you’re at it? Take that dress and carry it through with a few carefully selected items which channel this season’s latest trends. The androgynous look is in so take your nice dress, then think brogues with ankle socks and a bowler hat. Add some wet look leggings and heels for a fetish feel, or take an old jumper, the more vintage looking the better, and shove it over your dress with some heavy tights or socks for a dressed down look that’s perfect for winter. Kate Kelley Dress, Topshop, £50. Brogues, H&M, £24.99. Hat, Topshop, £25. TIghts, River Island, £9. Jumper, Topshop, £38. Leggings, H&M, £14.99 Shoes, River Island, £55.
ason Wu’s Autumn/Winter 2011 collection showcased masculine bow ties and structured tailoring alongside feminine skirts with floral detailing. We asked five University of Bristol students what they thought of the look.
‘I love the bow tie! I want a paisley one.’ Hannah, History, Third Year ‘She looks like a funeral director- but the kind that would make you forget about your dead uncle.’ Matt, Philosophy, Second Year
he evenings may be drawing in but open any high fashion glossy this season and the images are playful, light-hearted and full of life. Winter collections are typically dominated by austere gothic glamour and vampish scarlet pouts; however, this time around there is an evident shift in the market from the forbidding to the fun. A personal favourite is Helena BonhamCarter’s campaign for Marc Jacobs. She may have appeared as the Red Queen in Tim Burton’s Alice in Wonderland, but in this campaign she is the queen of kooky fun. There is a youthful feel to the shots that makes the fashion not only more accessible, but in a strange way more desirable. Similarly, Weber’s portraits of 14 year old Hailee Steinfield eating pizza relays the message that Miu Miu’s A/W ’11 collection is real, down-to-earth and wearable. Chanel’s latest offering sees model Freja Beha Erichsen posing in a photo booth: old-school perhaps, but for Chanel something entirely new and unexpected. Campaigns for high-end brands are becoming quirkier and fashion advertising is becoming increasingly innovative rather than classic. Sultry, contrived images are being rejected in favour of the light-hearted approach of current collections.
Student Zahra makes the most of the October heatwave by finding a new way to wear her old baby ballet skirt. Top, Selfridges. Animal print bandeau and black tube skirt (just seen underneath), Topshop. Belt, American Apparel. Shoes, Office.
‘It’s not quite right but I can’t work out why…I think the skirt’s quite old-fashioned? The shirt could work with something more casual on the bottom.’ Becky, Drama, Third Year
‘She looks like a waiter.’ Tom, Geology, Third Year
‘I think it would only work on someone in the city. If a student wore it I think it would look a bit formal.’ Sadie, Philosophy, Third Year
The fresh face of advertising And it isn’t just the pictures that seem to appeal to a younger market this season. In Stephen Meisel’s Fall 2011 Campaign Movie for Lanvin, models Karen Elson and Raquel Zimmermann dance to Pitbull’s ‘I Know You Want Me’ while wearing the latest couture fashions, offering a refreshingly youthful perspective on the iconic fashion house. There is also a lot to be said for the inclusion of pets in recent campaigns. Pugs à la Louis Vuitton are the order of the day and this is catching on in the middle-market with brands like Tommy Hilfiger and Clarks getting in on the act. It speaks volumes of the way in which fashion advertising is no longer just about the clothes, but about the attitude. From Chanel to Jigsaw, brands are working harder than ever to prove that their fashion is more fun, flirtatious and forward thinking than the rest. French Connection’s recent financial turnaround – which coincides with their latest series of adverts directed by photographic / filmmaking collective Leila and Damien de Blinkk - proves that marketing is key. The ads are creatively inspiring and put an entirely fresh perspective on the French Connection brand. And it would seem that ’fresh’ is just what Autumn/Winter ’11 is all about. Sophie Dee-Shapland
Editor: Francesca Clayton fashion@ epigram.org.uk
Deputy: Lizzy Bullock deputyfashion@ epigram.org.uk
Double page clockwise from left:
The New Forties Dress coat, Shop Dutty. Boots and bag, stylist’s own. The New Masculine Shirt, trousers, bow tie, Shop Dutty. Clock necklace, Elsie Riley. Coat, belt, shoes, stylist’s own. The New Shearling Coat, Shop Dutty
The New Midi Skirt Jumper, Shop Dutty. Jewellery, Elsie Riley. Skirt and boots, stylist’s own. The New Stripes Polka dot shirt, Shop Dutty. Shorts and shoes, stylist’s own The New Sixties Lace dress, Shop Dutty. www.shopdutty.com 116 Cheltenam Road www.elsieriley.com 59 Broad Street
a breath of fresh air vintage clothes put a new twist on the latest trends
10. 10. 2011
Beauty Rescue Me T
he start of university means late nights, numerous drinks and the dreaded next day hangover. But instead of hiding in your room, too scared to look in the mirror at the damage done by the night before, here are some top tips to get you looking fresh and feeling fabulous. • Cleanse, tone and moisturize as often as you can. This will open the pores, clean the skin and repair the damage done by late nights and copious amounts of alcohol. • Apply tea-tree oil to any blemishes that occur as a result of too many chips on the way home from a night out. Its anti-bacterial properties will help spots disappear in a few days. • Foundation, concealer and a pink blush will help rebalance the colour of your skin, making you look fresher than you feel. Avoid foundation if you don’t need it and use a mineral one if you have sensitive skin.
Photography, Harriet Layhe
• Curl lashes and apply a nude eyeliner pencil to the waterline and on the inner corners of the eyes to make you look wide awake.
Styling, Francesca Clayton, Lizzy Bullock Hair & Make up, Coco Creme Model, Suzi Simms
Liz Earle Cleanse and Polish £13.75
MAC, Mineralize Satinfinish Foundation, £22.50
Rimmel Sexy Curves Mascara, £8.19 Coco Creme
Editor: Verity Stockdale travel@epigram .org.uk
Lifestyle What’s On Fashion
I did not see my year abroad featuring two months covertly following strangers around Montmartre with a camera. The prospect of going to study at photography school in Paris was almost too idyllic a situation that I refused myself any wild expectations, judging it safer to treat the year ahead of me as a blank slate.
fifty photography students clambering over each other to get the best shot of a little hornrimmed spectacled Jean-Baptiste or Clémence, their innocent faces lit up by our flashes and the lurid neon lights of shop window displays.
Still sans domicile, I was quite alarmed to receive a letter with an extensive list of all the expensive chemicals I would need to buy in order to set up my own darkroom. After narrowly avoiding living with a flirtatious 60 year-old English man called Willy, I finally found an apartment in the charming area of Pigalle and had somewhere to store my new purchases.
me of being scared of
On day one, we were ushered into a tiny classroom to meet Madame C - the tyrant darkroom manager - who aggressively laid down the rules. Our first project was a two month assignment - ‘The People of Montmartre’. No pigeons, no bikes, no tourists. The first few trips proved unsuccessful. Madame C accused me of being scared of people because my pictures were full of backs, upon which she gave me some invaluable guidance - prey on the over sixties and the under tens, the vulnerable. By Christmas, we were all adept at stalking in time for the winter project - ‘Little Children Gazing Into The Window Displays of the Department Stores onBoulevard Haussman.’ Picture
‘‘ Madame C accused people because my pictures were full of backs’’ Our studio projects were equally as taxing. Under the guise of simplicity, we were given titles such as ‘egg’, ‘red pepper’, and ‘haribo, chopsticks and a plate’. In a frantic bid to make these still-lives interesting, afternoons were spent charging around Paris looking for a mini-deckchair small enough for an egg and trying (unsuccessfully) to carve the words salt and pepper into a pepper. Madame C was not impressed. However, after months spent in my dark(bath)room, I finally won her over with a portrait of a young Parisienne smoking - I think the teacher mistook the cold and apprehensive expression that arouse, when I timidly asked her to pose for me in hesitant French, for ‘mystery’. Sophie Wright
Photo of the fortnight
Flickr: Francisco Diez
A stalker in Montmarte
New York, New York
An eternal symbol of hope? New York, New York. So good they named it twice. Broadway, Fifth Avenue, Upper East Side and The Empire State Building are known worldwide, but is our modern perception of the city that never sleeps clouding what was once a symbol of hope to millions of immigrants throughout the world? With the media being flooded with stories of the 9/11 attack for the ten year anniversary, New York has been brought to the spotlight as a city of great loss and perhaps even vulnerability. Having recently acquired The Readers Digest Book of World Travel from 1967, I decided to investigate what perceptions of New York were prior to the 9/11 disaster. Somewhat surprisingly the experiences of the writer in the city were very similar to my own. The cliché tourist must-dos of skating at the Rockefeller Centre with ‘pretty girls showing off their pirouettes’ and shopping for ‘exotic delights, little dogs of unlikely breed and books for the most esoteric of tastes’ may differ
slightly in the present day, but the underlying factor remains. Regardless of the fact that I was skating with a bright orange drag queen in a tutu and shopping for Jimmy Choo shoes, Abercrombie and the famed Bloomingdales ‘Little Brown Bag,’ the city is still one of indulgence and pleasure. Whatever you want, whenever you want it - you can guarantee that the ‘Big Apple’ will deliver. Be it a carton of milk at four in the morning or fancy French champagne at the Waldolf Astoria, the general consensus seems to be that if you want it, you will get it. The Statue of Liberty may now be dwarfed by the magnificent sky scrapers but the idea of New York as a city of dreams remains the same. However, even then there was an underside to New York with the dramatic extremes between rich and poor. The author in 1967 even strays as far as to say ‘you may as well admit the whole place is built on greed.’ On my own trip I went to see a gospel choir in Harlem who sang to honour a recovered heroin
addict in their congregation. While this was a very moving experience, it was a far cry from the jaunty show tunes of Broadway. It seemed that for every ambitious over-achiever there was a poverty-stricken immigrant who had failed at their American Dream. Yet the city itself embodies the ideal of this Dream. While every individual then and now, poor or wealthy, ‘respects the American ideal and the chance for every man to achieve opulence’, the city also appears to have this never failing hope for the future. Our perception of the city may be clouded by the horror of the terrorist attack but even from the recent coverage of this we see hope. The Twin Towers may be gone but New York will not admit defeat. A new ‘Freedom Tower’ is being built in its place showing the city as an image of strength and hope. Whether standing on the viewing balcony of the Empire State Building in 1967 or having a helicopter ride around Manhattan at night in modern day, the awe of the skyline truly makes you believe that anything is possible. Georgia Lord
Sophie Wright : Paris, France
Girl, Paris This photograph was part of a project on the people of Montmartre. After a couple of hours desperately looking for a genuine French person amongst the hoards of tourists that swarm around and envelope the quartier, I finally found this lady taking a break outside from work. A cigarette dangling from her lips, she looked like the perfect antidote to the beret-clad American family frantically buying macaroons on her right. The moment was too good to miss from a distance so I asked her to pose for me. To see more of Sophie’s photography, please go to www.sophiewright.tumblr.com
10. 10. 2011
The World’s... Most Questionable Hangover Cures Germans call them “wailing cats”, Danes call them “hammering carpenters” and the French call it a “wooden mouth”. It is universally acknowledged that the only actual cure to hangovers is, simply put, a swift departure from life. Living and breathing existence is unbearable - there is no such thing as a cure. You have to ride it out, barging around with the temperament of an ork being denied its preferred parking space and a head imploring to explode on the spot – each time kidding ourselves with the mendacious mantra, “never again...”. The hangover is nothing new. As far back as the Ancient Greeks and Romans, legendary for their raucous banquets, we discover weird and wonderful ways to survive the deathly morningafter. The Greeks would opt for a protein-rich breakfast of sheep lungs and two owl eggs whilst the Romans favoured deep-fried canaries (I wonder if there is a niche in the market for the next KFC family bucket?). This might seem peculiar but apparently such creative remedies have far from subsided with the passing years. Even the cowboys of the Wild West are rumoured to have laced their morning cups of tea with rabbit droppings to ease the pain of a night on too much whiskey.
A recurring target for such hangover remedies appears to be the sour taste buds. Romanians are partial to tripe soup made by boiling the offal in vinegar, garlic, hot pepper and sour cream, while “Haejangguk”, the Korean submission, consists of dried cabbage, vegetables, pork spines and coagulated ox blood - some ingredients undeniably needed to replenish the body of starved nutrients, some undisputedly just plain revolting.
“Living and breathing is unbearable” However, if something a little more substantial than a bowl of soup should be required, perhaps a roll-mop herring (Germany) or pickled sheep eyes in tomato juice (Mongolia) might be more ones cup of tea, with or without the rabbit droppings? Looking to Italy, the Sicilian traditional cure is the consumption of the driedout nether regions of a bull and in the East, the Japanese like to eat “Umeboshi” – the pickled “ume” fruit, eaten by Samurais, so sour that is has been known to make tongues curl and faces screw up in pain. Well, if it is good enough for
Samurais and those who instituted organised crime, who are we to argue? If none of the above ingested antidotes appeal, one could always take the Puerto Rican preventative approach. This involves taking half of a lemon and massaging the juice into the armpit of the offending drinking arm prior to a solid session of self-inflicted intoxication – rather like a citrus roll-on, you could say. There is some dispute over whether this in fact achieves the best results before or after a stint at the drinking hole, so it may be best to do both for maximum effect. I like the British approach. That is not a Prairie Oyster Cocktail (try it if you have a stomach of steel), hair of the dog or caffeine-charged Irn-Bru (I would rather have coffee, thanks). Nothing beats a full English breakfast – a plate so loaded with greasy goodness that one is immersed into a foodinduced coma for the remainder of the day, in blissful ignorance. Perhaps these repugnant “cures” are so-called having been based on an assumption that they will make one never want to touch alcohol again, thus curing us of any hangover-induced ailment for the rest of eternity. But where’s the fun in that? Verity Stockdale
Stripping off with strangers Fresh Adventures in a Japanese Spa Japan is renowned for being a bit crazy : after all, it is the home of Harajuku girls and the danjo dance, a place where you can buy your porn in manga form, and where your sumo sex symbols come in XXL. So perhaps it was fitting that my first day in the country took me out of my comfort zone and sent me diving – quite literally – into the ohso-Japanese onsen culture and getting my kit off in the public baths. Those in question were, in fact, a fancy complex in Osaka called Spa World with two floors housing their onsen - a European Floor and an Asian Floor. The floors were strictly segregated by sex and switched on a monthly basis, restricting us ladies to the European Floor. The gender segregation made the impending threat of nudity a little less threatening, but as we entered the female changing rooms and were faced by naked Japanese women left, right and centre, it still seemed a daunting prospect. We tried to sneak inside in our bikinis upon which a stern, matronly woman sent us straight back to the lockers. Nakedness was the only option.
But no, I forget - we were not totally naked. We were instead each armed with two of the tiniest, thinnest, most pointless towels – ribbons if you like? You could maybe conceal one nipple with them, but that was about it. Whatever illusions we had about retaining any vestiges of modesty vanished along with our clothes. The one redeeming factor was that luckily my friends and I are all pretty blind and the awkwardness was somewhat removed along with our contacts lenses. A day of blurry nakedness awaited.
“You could maybe conceal one nipple with them, but that was about it.” The European Floor seemed to be attempting some thematic tour of classical Europe, but with a delicate pornographic touch. Ancient Rome? Naked women. Greece? Naked
women enjoying a medicinal bath together. Finland? Naked women in a log cabin sauna. Spain? Naked women enjoying a casual drink and tapas whilst resting their feet in miniature jacuzzis. Atlantis (yes, apparently that’s part of Europe now)? Naked women snoozing next to glass walls of tropical fish. Lots of naked women. We spent the first ten minutes squealing, giggling and trying to conceal our nether regions whilst Japanese women looked on unimpressed. However, soon we were embracing the nakedness. I enjoyed a naked nap, a naked outdoor swim and a naked salt scrub. I even enjoyed the strangest shower of my life, where we all sat at tiny dressing tables and poured water over ourselves whilst smothering ourselves in as many of the complimentary creams and moisturisers as was humanly possible – the dirty backpacker instinct kicked in. We stayed for hours and by the end of the day, I felt incredibly relaxed, liberated and smooth-skinned. Public nudity - don’t knock it ‘til you’ve tried it! Leah Eades
AIR MAIL “Never boring, always unpredictable. Chile, te amo.” “Why do you want to go to South America when you could go to Spain? We could come and visit you and it’s much, much safer. Please, don’t go to South America!” My dad tried his best to convince me that Chile wasn’t a great idea. Alas, he should not have worried; Chile has a reputation for being South America’s most stable and developed nation. To some, “stable and developed” might mean boring and predictable, but this is far from the case. August was a phenomenally moving display of Chileans fighting for their rights. Thousands in agreement with the cause took to the streets to demand free university education. Friends of mine living in the centre of the city had to put up with tear gas seeping into their homes for days at a time and trying to go anywhere central was a nightmare. Disturbingly, a protesting teenager was shot dead. We were issued with emails from our university warning us against participation on the basis that we could be deported if we got involved. Needless to say, the heavyhandedness of the carabineros - the police
force - remains controversial. Two days of national strike following the student protests cemented August as “strike month” and President Piñera’s unpopularity escalated to new heights. Ironically, constant parallels are being drawn between Piñera and Pinochet, providing particularly amusing bus-stop graffiti. On September 11th, more protests broke out to mark the anniversary of the military coup, ousting Allende from government and resulting in his death on the same day in 1973. Since I have been here, authorities have confirmed that Allende did in fact commit suicide, ending many years of speculation and closing a controversial chapter of Chilean history. Vigils were held at my university for staff and students who disappeared under the Pinochet regime, a poignant example of how “stable and developed” Chile is still trying to heal the wounds of its divisive past. A week later, the country reunited to celebrate Chilean Independence and the solidarity displayed in the ensuing fiestas patrias was a far cry from previous tumultuousness. I am so glad I didn’t listen to my dad. I feel like I am part of something magical here – a country looking back on its past so it can write its future, rocked by twists and turns which set it back before enabling it to flourish. Never boring, always unpredictable. Chile, te amo. Lucy Hill Chile
Editor: Alex Denne treasurer@ epigram.org.uk
If you’ve been lumbered with sorting out ‘bills and stuff’ in your new house, e2 feels your pain. Arguably as important as paying your bills and knowing your bin day, finding contents insurance as a student is daunting and can easily be overlooked. Using comparison websites or going direct to insurance brokers is a student’s nightmare because many of the questions asked just don’t make sense if applied to student housing.
As a student you have several choices when it comes to doing laundry: you can use a laundrette, you can buy a new or second-hand a washing machine, or you can rent one. Use a laundrette: Some people have a soft spot for the fresh smell of laundrettes, but pay as you go laundry has its downfalls. You have to wrestle with coins and dodgy machines, play bad games on your phone whilst waiting for your washing to finish, and then lug it home, with occasional embarrassment as your cross-dressing habits are revealed to your neighbours.
If your house is secured with solid locks and an alarm, then it would probably be worth going down the ‘normal’ household contents insurance route. The only problem is that judging the total value of your household contents can be difficult. It’s hard to tell whether your housemate’s Persian rug is a family heirloom or cheap IKEA copy. It’s not worth giving up on insuring your valuables at the expense of peace of mind. There is a decent alternative to make sure that if you do happen to fall victim to a housemate’s drunken cooking disaster you won’t be left penniless after replacing all your stuff. It’s surprisingly good value to insure yourself year-round through Endsleigh and they’re recommended by the NUS so you know that they’re not exploiting students. It seems that Endsleigh know the student content insurance market well considering that you can pay in 12 monthly instalments of £9.99. Alternatively you can use your student loan to pay £119.88 upfront.
Assuming the following about your laundry habits, you’ll do 28-36 weeks of washing at uni over the year, with two washes per week and drying done at home, if laundrettes are £2-£3 per wash, then you’ll be spending somewhere in the range of £112-£216. It’s a large range, so you may want to consider re-calculating with your local prices & habits.
“it should be possible to grab a washing machine for £30 - £90”
For £9.99 a month, you get the following benefits: • £500 cover for University Property • £250 cover for individual clothing items • Mobile phone cover with an excess of £75 for accidental loss, £50 otherwise • £600 cover for groups of things like CDs, DVDs, and photographic equipment • £800 of Laptop & gadget cover including cameras, netbooks, iPods with an excess of £50 for each item you claim
• £3000 cover for your room which includes £200 cover for Library Books - should any burglars fancy perusing your ‘An Introduction to Western Philosophy’ or ‘Intermediate Microeconomics’ The laptop and the mobile phone insurance also come with 30-day worldwide cover and a guaranteed replacement within one working day after the acceptance of your claim. If you have TV in your room, it’s covered, but not if it’s in a communal area.
The Office seasons 1,2 & Christmas specials for £7.99 at HMV, Play & Amazon
Microsoft Office Professional 2010 download for £33.18 (v.gd/6XsK6c) or hard copy with 2 licenses for £37.89 (v.gd/fJhHWY)
Buy new: Which? has ‘Best Buy’ washing machines from £244, and because it’s a ‘Best Buy’, it should be easy to sell for a reasonable price on eBay or Gumtree when you move out. Let’s say a five person house buys a new washing machine for £250, and then sells it for £80 a year later, then each person has essentially rented a washing machine for 12 months for (£250 - £80) = £170. £170 divided by 5 is £34 each, and you’ll have free manufacturer warranty for the duration, along with an appliance delivered to your door. Buy second-hand: If you have the time, check eBay or Gumtree regularly and it should be possible to grab a working washing machine for anywhere in the region of £30 - £90. Good deals will go within a couple of days of being listed though, so the more often you check for new listings, the more likely you are to get a better deal. It may even be possible to resell the washing machine for a similar price to which you bought it. However, it is worth considering the possible maintenance costs of a machine out of warranty. Rent: It’s also possible to rent a basic washing machine for £3 a week, but over a 52 week period (although many companies employ a minimum 17 month contract) this would amount to £156, only slightly less than purchasing a new machine and then reselling.
Published on Oct 9, 2011