ENOUGH. Magazine Issue 2

SUMMER 2021 | ISSUE 2

ENOUGH. A MAGAZINE PREVENTING THE NEXT SURGE IN EATING DISORDERS FOR GENERATION Z

A RISE IN EATING DISORDERS AMID A GLOBAL PANDEMIC Discussing some of the leading research of the surge in eating disorders during COVID-19.

THE INTERVIEWS

Featuring people's stories and their differing perspectives on disordered eating through their recovery journeys.

RECOVERY DURING SUMMER

Discussing ways to challenge common fears when it comes to recovery and body dysmorphia during the summer season.

ENOUGHZINE.COM

Enough.

YOU ARE ENOUGH. Contact Us Catherine Colbert Email: enough.zine1@gmail.com Phone: 301-318-2440

1.

Table of Contents 3. FROM THE EDITOR 4. EATING DISORDER STATISTICS AND COVID-19 6-8.THE QUARAN-FIFTEEN 9-22. THE INTERVIEWS 23-26. SUMMER 27-30. THE DO’S AND DON’TS 31. WORKS CITED

2.

Catherine Colbert

FROM THE EDITOR When I was 10, I took a permanent marker and wrote on a whiteboard a timeline of my life and some goals I wished to accomplish by the time I was 75. It contained a wide variety of things, including having more than 20 children to have my tv show on TLC and becoming a Guinness Book of Records holder for the longest headstand. Little me also included some reasonable goals such as owning a pet panda and marrying Justin Bieber. Although I am now 17 and some of my dreams have changed, I often look back and reflect on the person I used to be, especially during the past year spent in a pandemic. I believe many people have been in a similar boat as we have all lost or gained something during this time. For many people, it has created a struggle for their relationship with food. Studies have shown the pandemic has produced a surge in eating disorders. As we approach the end of this pandemic, the question becomes how we handle this surge, those affected, and how we prevent it in the future. This is what we sought out to answer with our summer issue, dedicated to providing information about disordered eating during the COVID-19 pandemic through the perspective of different individuals and part of their stories. We hope you enjoy Issue 2. and our allaccess, virtual, free magazine platform. We have worked hard and diligently to create a platform to help spread awareness, teach, and inspire those currently struggling with disordered eating.

Eating Disorder Hotline (800) 931-2237

3.

Eating Disorder Statistics and COVID-19

Canva A 2021 study report showed that Hospital admissions due to eating disorders increased by 30% in female patients 12-18 years old. Various medical professionals provided their input and argued that the root of this spike in cases was derived from many different causes. Some factors they claimed contributed to these skyrocketing numbers included: the loss of familiar routines and connections with friends, anxiety/stress from the pandemic, food insecurity at home, boredom, isolation, the loss of friends and family members, being fixated on appearances while on camera on zoom, etc. In a Hartford Healthcare article Dr. Jennifer Downs, MD, noted that “Some kids got caught up in the health craze and continued to an unhealthy point.” Officials began to act quickly as the mental health impacts of the pandemic intensified. The National Eating Disorder Association (NEDA) reported a 40% increase in calls to their hotline since March of 2020. They even included a specific section on their website for COVID-19 RESOURCES.

They stated, “Everyone deserves support for their eating concerns, and NEDA wants to connect you with resources that can help in addition to professional help. In this time of great uncertainty and disturbance, we face the added danger that isolation brings to those among us who are struggling with an eating disorder.” With that being said, the association provided viewers with options such as video check-ins, a link to the hotline, NEDA network virtual support groups, 24/7 chat forums, and listed options for free and low-income support. However, this did not change the fact that eating disorder rates were heightened not only by the increase in new cases but the severity and impact on those who were previously struggling. While being stuck at home with nothing to do and messages on social media on preventing the “quarantine 15” it has continued to amplify eating disorders on both ends of the spectrum. As our lives are slowly coming back to the ordinary and more people are getting vaccinated, it is crucial to recognize that many of these issues that developed during the pandemic or were heightened will not disappear overnight. Life returning to somewhat normal is not an excuse to stop trying to support those who may have been affected.

4.

THE QUARAN-FIFTEEN

EATING DISORDER RECOVERY DURING LOCKDOWN

I was forced to confront my issues with food head-on with the beginning of a pandemic and going through caffeine withdrawal. I didn't have a way to distract myself and had to face the repercussions of my actions and self-harming behaviors.

One thing I did was start cooking, which is something I never do. I was trying to eat, which was a huge improvement for me, considering at that point, under any other circumstance, there was pretty much no chance I was going to try and prioritize nourishing myself. I was on a pretty good streak for the first few weeks, and I was very proud of myself, but unfortunately, that didn't last as long as I hoped.

March 13th of 2020, the notorious day when all of our lives were changed as a global pandemic struck. As we were fixated on TV screens, Covid rates, Tiger King episodes, whipped iced coffee, and cloud bread, there was a whole new pandemic forming in and of itself, a surge in eating disorders and mental health issues across the globe.

The two-week break that we were supposed to have turned into over a month and lasted the entire third trimester of my sophomore year until the summer. With that being said, as the school year was concluding, it contributed to a lot more stress while constantly in my room as I felt as if I was losing control and began spiraling back into my old habits.

I think we all have some story from March 13th and can remember what happened the day our lives changed. I was in school; I even made a TikTok about the day after our final full upper school assembly with our computers out, teaching us how to properly use zoom and the rules about attending virtual school for the next two weeks. But then, everything in the world stopped, and it forced me to reflect on myself.

All of this new free time led to me feeling somewhat worthless and trapped. I couldn't control anything whatsoever, and I started to punish myself again as I had before the pandemic.

The start of the pandemic was during the height of my Anorexia. At this time, the thing I consumed the most was iced coffee and caffeinated liquids rather than food. I also avoided eating during school hours, considering I was too occupied from eight to six every day. However, that changed while we went into quarantine, considering I was no longer obligated to physically go somewhere for nine hours a day.

I found myself beginning to exercise a lot. Many of you probably remember the Chloe Ting challenge that occurred at the beginning of quarantine. I tried it but unfortunately failed. So I began relying on other forms of exercise and developed a habit of biking.

Normally, biking is recognized as a more leisurely form of exercise and as a form of travel rather than intense cardio, but before I knew it, I was biking at least 14 or 15 to even 20 miles a day.

continued on page 7

6.

I would just bike and bike and bike because it got me out of my house away from my family and distracted me. I thought it was beneficial and was helping me and no one else viewed it as an issue because they didn't consider biking "exercise."

What I didn't take into account was the fact that I was also barely eating again. One day, it was close to 100° with a very high UV index, and I went out with no water and without having eaten.

I went on the same trail that I had gone on almost every single day, and about eight miles into it, I honestly felt that I was about to collapse. The only other times I felt like this was when I would go a long period without eating and would have blurry vision every time I walked up a flight of stairs (which I had talked about in my story in issue 1).

I had convinced myself that I shouldn't care about how much energy I was burning on these several-hour bike rides because I was eating more.

When I was doing it, I never felt the need to stop. In the 17 years that I've been alive, there have only been a few times when I needed to stop while biking. The first time was when I tried biking four miles during my life where I was overweight and struggling with binge eating disorder and now on a blazing hot day in the middle of a trail where I only had two options.

I could either keep biking forward to the end of the trail, which brought me to the middle of the city or go back towards my house. My heart was racing in this heat, and I stopped and sat on a bench. A few minutes passed, and I began to reflect on what I was doing to my body and convinced myself that it would be much worse if I didn't go back now.

I made it to the main road about 2 miles from my house. I even tried to get water from McDonald's but then learned that they would not serve people on bikes in the drive-thru.

At that moment, I got a call from my dad, and he asked where I was because I had been gone for so long, and I had yet to update him.

I didn't give much detail, but he offered to come and pick me up at this McDonald's, so he did, and he put my bike in the back of his car.

We ended up going through the drive-thru anyway. I got my water and a kid's happy meal, and let me tell you, I felt a lot better sitting in the air-conditioned car and going back home than I would've if I had kept going in the other direction. Still, I went home that night, and I took a long shower because I had been dripping in sweat and couldn't stop thinking about the fact that I didn't have anyone that I could talk to about this, or so I felt at that moment.

Unfortunately, my habits did not change much, and I continued to spiral until September, when school started again virtually. I distinctly remembered my first day of junior year and after the first day of classes feeling petrified and going on another one of my long bike rides.

I came home that night, and I stood in the kitchen after realizing I hadn't eaten anything, so I started to make a box of mac & cheese that I found in the pantry. As I waited for the water to boil, I started to cry because I felt as if I couldn't do it.

How was I supposed to handle the most difficult year of high school if I couldn't even handle my relationship with food? I couldn't stop crying, and my dad overheard me and went to hug me.

He tried to assure me that it would be OK and that I could do it and I could handle the year, but it didn't change how I felt at that moment.

continued on page 8

7.

As school started, I had less time to go on these long bike rides; I began to feel the physical effects of what I was doing to my body once again. Still, this time it was a combination of how I had initially felt with the true long-term impact of an eating disorder.

I convinced my dad to put me back into eating disorder therapy and talk to someone about the issues that I was having. But, unfortunately, when we view eating disorders on social media or what we may hear about them, it often doesn't include full detail on the physical impacts they can have or what recovery can cause.

Three years ago, I never imagined that I would have consistent problems like struggling with extreme bloating and gas, weight fluctuations, constipation, vitamin deficiencies, breakouts, muscle loss, fatigue, etc. and other symptoms that people don't seem to recognize as part of long term effects of eating disorders.

One thought I had reminded myself throughout this process is the fact that eating disorders don't just go away overnight. It's a constant battle, but we can try to do many things to help prevent other people from struggling with the same issues, including finding ways to cope with stress while trying to heal properly.

There isn't just one cause of an eating disorder; a complex combination of factors can cause them. There are many different types, but that doesn't mean there's only one valid form of an eating disorder. The reality is that anyone can develop an eating disorder. Trying to combat societal norms and diet culture is difficult but not impossible. It is a group effort that needs to be made.

Canva

8.

THE INTERVIEWS

One of the most effective forms of education is through learning from other people's stories and hearing about their experiences. With that being said, in this issue of ENOUGH. we have chosen six individual stories to feature. Those featured were asked to answer the same questions discussing their experiences through eating disorder recovery, the advice they have to offer to others in recovery and discuss the impact of COVID-19 on their eating disorder or their recovery journey. If you'd like to be highlighted in our next issue, please make sure to fill out the inquiry form on our website.

CATHERINE COLBERT, 17 Did COVID/ quarantine affect your eating disorder in any way?

Initially, my relationship with food improved. I would argue that part of that had to do with the fact that I was eating on a more regular basis, and I didn't have to eat in front of other people; however, that soon changed. What had initially been recognized as a twoweek break soon, the stress of the pandemic caught up with me. I relapsed on multiple occasions throughout the past year, and I am continuing to find a balance in life, learning not to punish myself for things that I can't control. I am proud of myself for the improvements that I have made because I have come quite far. However, there is still a long journey ahead of me. Recovery doesn't happen overnight.

How have your family and friends responded to your eating disorder?

If I'm entirely honest, most of my family didn't even know that I struggled with food and with an eating disorder until I released the first issue of my magazine. When I was struggling and tried to discuss it, I was told that I was overreacting and that I didn't have a problem or was selfish because there are people out there who struggle with malnutrition. The only reaction that I would get when I saw my extended family was "wow, where did the other half of you go" or "is this a new person?" and would compliment me on my weight loss when in reality was struggling with anorexia. Even at this point, when I have tried to explain that I am in recovery, many still think it is recovery from binge eating disorder. They have interpreted it as me trying to develop a healthy lifestyle because they continue to believe that I was not small enough or sick enough to have a form of anorexia. Aside from that, though, I am grateful that I was provided with a team of medical professionals who helped guide me in the right direction and help me during my recovery journey.

If there is one thing you would like to change about the way family, friends or society view eating disorders, what would it be?

In terms of family members, I would change their perspective on eating disorders. I wish that they recognized when an issue occurred before the point of no return and help support that person while struggling rather than only taking action when a problem is too severe. I would offer some advice for people to be more cautious in terms of the language they use or things they may say to someone who may be struggling with body image issues. Even if the comment may not mean to be rude or mean, many things can be triggering to people struggling with an eating disorder or who are in recovery, so it is important to set those boundaries and be cautious.

continued on page 11

10.

CATHERINE COLBERT, 17

Imagine your eating disorder was a person sitting in front of you. If you could say one thing to your eating disorder, what would it be?

I would say that you exist and have been my longest and most toxic relationship. I've seen the different sides of you, but more importantly, I felt the effects on you physically and mentally. You create this form of abuse that no one deserves to have to suffer through, yet you continue to affect millions of other people and me, so screw you because I'm much better off without you.

Unfortunately, I can assure you everyone else is too.

If you could offer advice to anyone who has struggled or is currently struggling with an eating disorder, what would it be?

One of the most important things is to remind yourself that you are not only beautiful on the inside and out, but you are a fighter, and you are strong. I know that may sound cliche considering it's been said a million times, but it's true. I'm going to be honest, struggling with an eating disorder and working to recover are by far some of the hardest things you'll probably ever have to do, considering food is something that we need to live. At this moment, you are both your best friend and your worst enemy as you are working to recover. It's going to be tough, but it's okay to struggle to have bad days and good days because the ultimate results matter most in terms of recovery. I would also write a list of what you want to see by recovering from your eating disorder and a list of goals, whether big or small, that you may have because I can assure you they will have more of an impact than you think.

11.

ANONYMOUS, 28 Did COVID/ quarantine affect your eating disorder in any way?

COVID and quarantine really affected my anorexia, and most especially my over-exercising habits. Eating disorders are mainly anxiety disorders, and when the pandemic started, my anxiety went through the roof. At first, it was because of the uncertainty of the virus. But eventually, my anxiety came from my inability to leave the house. Sitting in the same chair, in the same room, day after day, with nowhere to go, really affected my mind. I felt like I was going crazy. I started to hate waking up. I have hobbies to keep me busy, but doing them alone for months on end eventually made them feel like a dread too. As a result, I spent a lot of time exercising. Hours and hours. Anything to keep me from sitting in my armchair again. Exercise was one of the main things that provided any real action to my day. Luckily, I now know better than to cope with my anxiety that way.

How have your family and friends responded to your eating disorder?

I can't say that my family really understands it. They're immigrants, and it can be really difficult for them to wrap their heads around mental health issues. They don't ask that many questions and I'm not sure if they've done any research on their own. Based on the comments they make sometimes, I suspect that they haven't. Nonetheless, they're incredibly supportive of my recovery and they want me to get better no matter what. As for my friends, they're incredibly loving and caring. I talk to them more about the day-to-day of what I'm facing and going through. Some have had similar experiences, and some haven't. But we have strong friendships, and they're supportive. I will say that since I've committed to recovery, I've had to alter my relationship with many friends by putting up boundaries so that I can commit to self-care. Some of those friends have still been adjusting to this change, and I have to admit that that has hurt a bit. But recovery has been better than protecting people's feelings. And I refuse to feel guilty about creating boundaries that ultimately serve my life. So I'm still moving forward.

If there is one thing you would like to change about the way family, friends or society view eating disorders, what would it be?

I wish we didn't see eating disorders as something that only affects a "certain kind of person". First of all, when people think of the term "eating disorder" they think of anorexia and imagine young, white women, who are nothing but skin and bones. And that couldn't be far from the truth. I don't fit any of those descriptors and yet I dealt with anorexia for about 15 years. And furthermore, eating disorders take on so many forms, that I think people who have eating disorders don't know how to identify the issues they're facing.

continued on page 13

12.

ANONYMOUS, 28 -{cont.] For example, I think that the "body positivity movement" has shielded many people from exploring that they may be experiencing binge eating disorder. On the flip side, general fatphobia in the medical community also shields doctors from suggesting that their patients see eating disorder specialists about binge eating. As I mentioned, eating disorders are truly anxiety disorders at their core. Some people decide to restrict food and some decide to over-indulge. I've been at both sides of the spectrum, and yet the core issue was exactly the same. Anxiety. Depression. Insomnia. You name it. From my daily observations, I truly believe more people have eating disorders than you would expect.

Imagine your eating disorder was a person sitting in front of you. If you could say one thing to your eating disorder what would it be?

When you came into my life, you were trying to show me that something was wrong and needing fixing. I didn't listen to you. I was so young that I didn't even know how to listen to you. Instead, I used you to cope. In a way, I'm grateful that you've been a guidepost for so long, helping me know when my life was wildly off track. Luckily, I don't need you anymore. I'm a better listener now.

If you could offer advice to anyone who has struggled or is currently struggling with an eating disorder, what would it be?

Don't try and do this alone. Eating disorders are very complicated to treat, and you don't have the personal tools to do so on your own. Get whatever help you can, as soon as you can. I'd suggest a trauma-informed therapist who also focuses on EMDR therapy. It has been a godsend for me.

More than anything else though, for any therapeutic intervention to work, you have to want to get better. The reason why my eating disorder ruled my life for 15 years was that for 15 years there was a part of me that wanted to be skinny more than (or at least as much as) I wanted to be happy. I didn't want the depression and anxiety and insomnia, but I also wanted to starve myself at least a few times a week if I needed to. Recovery doesn't work like that. You can't have your cake and eat it too. To fully recover, you have to want full recovery more than you want your eating disorder. It may be hard to recognize now, but your weight, your looks, and your body are not nearly the most important, or interesting, or valuable things about you. When you're willing to try and believe that, recovery will come quicker than you could ever imagine.

13.

ANONYMOUS, 15 Along with their interview, this individual asked if they could submit their own story and share more about their experience. Their story is featured first, then their interview.

Since elementary school, I’ve struggled with my body image; however, I've never acted on the hatred I felt for my body until quarantine began. I can remember the exact day I started viewing my body as my enemy.

It was my first day of sixth grade, and I was more than thrilled to see all of my friends. I walked into the cafeteria where my class was gathered and ran up to my best friend to give her a giant bear hug. After giving me a toothy grin, she looked me up and down and asked me, “Did you run over the summer?”.

I was confused, I didn't understand what she was trying to ask, so I asked her to clarify, to which she said something that would haunt my thoughts for the next three years, “You've gained weight, did you stop exercising?”

I did not find the clarity I was looking for; in fact, I had more confusion than I had first felt. Was I overweight? I didn't want to be. However, looking back at pictures of a 13-year-old me, I realize I was a healthy weight. I was already on the skinny side and nowhere near fat; however, I did not recognize it then.

For the next few years, I was ashamed of my body, yet acting on that feeling was something I began during quarantine.

Like many, I was isolated from the world: I never saw my friends or family in person, and I began ignoring texts and calls. Then, I started cutting myself off from the world, even from the people I lived with, as I would shut myself into my room all day and night.

The isolation of quarantine let me isolate myself with only my thoughts. The hatred I felt for my body became incessant, and wanting to be skinny became an obsession. I began to compulsively exercise, going through two collegiate level workouts a day.

I could not stop and would only end my workouts when I would collapse from exhaustion. I had lost weight, but I still was not satisfied with the results.

One night, I snuck into my parent’s bathroom and stole two packages of high-strength laxatives. I began taking the pills daily, using almost five times more than the safe dosage was.

Unfortunately, this is when I developed body dysmorphia, which was diagnosed a year later.

I experienced body dysmorphia as having a distorted image of my body. If I lost weight, I would be unable to tell.

Looking back on it, it was like I was looking at a photoshopped version of myself—a version that exaggerated every feature. I only saw myself as being overweight, ugly, and undesirable.

continued on page 15

14.

ANONYMOUS, 15 The laxatives’ side effects had a massive toll on my health: I had completely drained myself of electrolytes and became severely dehydrated.

Because I was taking so many, I began to have heart arrhythmias. I would become very dizzy every time I stood up and would constantly collapse.

Because of this, I physically couldn’t exercise anymore. So I stopped compulsively exercising, but I began something else. Despite taking the pills and losing weight at an alarming amount, it still wasn’t enough.

At first, eating felt guilty. It was difficult to eat if I wasn't distracted, and the temptation to track calories could be overwhelming at times. Still, over time, I could return to a healthy weight, eat healthier, and view my body more positively.

Nothing is more important than dedication to your recovery. While some days can be difficult, remaining strong and reminding yourself that you are enough is the key to defeating eating disorders.

I began to cut food out completely-only eating one meal a day. The dizziness got worse, large amounts of my hair started to fall out, my period would stop and become irregular, and I was so tired I couldn't perform everyday tasks. In addition, I was constantly cold, and a small breeze would cause me to freeze up.

There was no end to my restricting-nothing I would do would be enough. Eventually, I had had enough- I wanted to tell someone.

I had always been very close to my mom, a psychologist specializing in eating disorders in adolescence. At the time, I knew little about her work, but I knew that she had worked with hundreds if not thousands of people in similar situations as me and would hopefully help-which she did.

She got me into therapy, and we threw out the laxatives and journals tracking my calorie intake.

She would watch me eat meals and made sure I wasn't doing anything else to lose weight.

continued on page 16

15.

ANONYMOUS, 15 Did COVID/ quarantine affect your eating disorder in any way?

Like many, my quarantine was spent in isolation. I had the entire day and night to myself, which often led me to spend hours scrolling through social media, seeing celebrities post photoshopped pictures, posting ads of impossibly skinny models, etc. The scrolling was endless; the posts were everywhere-Pinterest, Instagram and Snapchat. Quarantine gave me the free time I was not used to having, and much of that time was spent focusing on what I saw as flaws and imperfections.

The time alone allowed my insecure thoughts to spiral-worsening my feelings about myself.

How have your family and friends responded to your eating disorder?

Reactions have varied-i could not have asked for a “better” reaction from my parents. They were sad and struggled to comprehend how their once happy and lively daughter developed an eating disorder. I think it was tough for my mom to accept, as she had spent her career working in mental hospitals and eating disorder treatment facilities. I imagine it must have been hard to watch her daughter go through what she had seen other children go through, but because of her experience, she knew what treatments would be helpful to her and understood what I was going through. I told a few close friends who were also very supportive; however, a couple of peers encouraged my eating disorder, suggesting new diet and fasting plans, different laxatives and vitamins, and even began offering to throw up as a “quick and easy” way to lose weight. a doctor I visited dismissed my eating disorder, saying I was “barely underweight” and I should “simply stop taking the laxatives.” This was disappointing to hear, and I felt like my attempt to have an eating disorder had failed. Looking back on it should be a good thing, but at the time was very discouraging. While there were a few negative responses, I feel fortunate that the majority were supportive.

continued on page 17

16.

ANONYMOUS, 15 If there is one thing you would like to change about how family, friends, or society view eating disorders, what would it be?

I wish people would understand that ending your eating disorder takes a lot of mental strength and determination-the guilt I felt after eating full meals was challenging to complete. I would end up subconsciously counting calories. I wish people would understand that it can feel like there is no end-like nothing will be enough. I want the media would stop showcasing underweight and photoshopped models. I wish more people understood that eating disorders could start early in one’s life. I hope people who are struggling with an eating disorder recognize that they are enough.

Imagine your eating disorder was a person sitting in front of you. If you could say one thing to your eating disorder what would it be?

I would ask if they would ever be satisfied.

If you could offer advice to anyone who has struggled or is currently struggling with an eating disorder, what would it be?

I would want them to know that it’s so important to put all of your efforts into treatment and that it does get better. It takes time and effort, and more strength than most people could comprehend, but eventually, eating becomes easier and not stressful, and it does get better. Recognizing that you want to stop your eating disorder is crucially important, and realizing that you and your body are enough is equally important.

17.

MARY ROJACK, 17 Did COVID/ quarantine affect your eating disorder in any way?

COVID and quarantine definitely affected my eating disorder. Structure and routine are two things that I value and are necessary for my life to thrive. When COVID hit, I finally got back on my feet after being in the hospital and PHP. I recently returned to school, and life was starting to feel somewhat normal. But before I knew it, I was really struggling again.

When I am busy with school, sports, and other activities, I tend to do very well with my recovery. At first, I didn't really understand why because during the thick of my eating disorder, all I wanted to do was stay inside and not do anything. Not only because of my lack of energy but also because I did not want to live life anymore. Once quarantine began, I realized I liked being busy because it took my mind off of food and my body and helped me to realize that life has much more to offer than my constant desire of wanting to shrink myself. As COVID continued, social media served as both a good and bad outlet for me. I felt the need to lose weight because diet culture consumed Instagram and tik tok, especially during the beginning of lockdown. Everywhere I looked, an advertisement or influencer preached about how everyone should use the downtime to lose weight! Right…because in the midst of a global pandemic, we should all be focused on how we look and make ourselves smaller rather than keep ourselves healthy and stay informed on how we can limit the spread of this rapidly growing disease! WRONG. Throughout quarantine, I definitely struggled, but I also learned so much. I created an Instagram blog inspired by influencers similar to Victoria Garrick and Brittani Lancaster to share my story. I am thankful for quarantine because it has made me stronger and has increased my willpower to fight against my eating disorder.

How have your family and friends responded to your eating disorder?

At first, my family and friends didn’t know how to react. And quite honestly, neither did I. I didn't want to believe in them, and they just wanted to help. But the question was how? In the beginning, I was praised by my friends. I always wanted to lose weight, and once I did, they praised me. I took their attention and ran with it. I used their praise as motivation and kept going, ultimately leading me into a spiral. By no means am I blaming my eating disorder on my friends. However, it shows that our society is brainwashed by diet culture, even at such a young age. As my eating disorder got worse, I pushed everyone out of my life. I spent little to no time with friends, and I avoided my family as much as possible.

Their positive comments turned negative. At the moment, I failed to realize it, but reflecting on their “negative” comments, they were really trying to help. They were saying things out of love because they didn't know what else they should do. Hearing the words “too skinny” coming out of my grandmother's mouth fed my eating disorder. I just wanted to keep going. was always sad and irritable, affecting my relationships in all aspects of my life. I felt so alone because I felt like no one loved me, but truly it was me, not loving myself. After asking and receiving the help I needed, my friends and family are nothing but supportive.

continued on page 19

18.

MARY ROJACK, 17

-{cont.] Of course, at times, it feels as though no one understands my problems, and in reality, it's the truth. But at the end of the day, I am so lucky and grateful for my support system and would not be where I am today without them.

If there is one thing you would like to change about the way family, friends or society view eating disorders, what would it be?

I would change the stigma surrounding eating disorders. So many people who struggle with eating disorders are so ashamed and feel the need to hide their struggles due to the stigma. This needs to change. Eating disorders are not a choice and this message needs to be heard. When someone is recovering from an eating disorder, the voice inside of their head does not go away! It is a constant battle everyday and it takes a lot of strength to fight against the ED. If you could offer advice to anyone who has struggled or is currently struggling with an eating disorder, what would it be?

Everything is going to be okay. I know how hard it is, but you have to keep fighting. Even when you feel like you want to give up and that it is never going to get better, reflect on the progress you have already made. Your ED is not a choice, but you have the choice to fight against it. You are stronger than you think and life is so much more than shrinking yourself. You will find your purpose, but I know for a fact that your eating disorder is not your purpose. Recovery is worth it and you deserve to love yourself no matter what stage of life you are in.

19.

ANONYMOUS,18 Did COVID/ quarantine affect your eating disorder in any way?

In a way, it prompted my disordered eating as well as let me get away with over-exercising.

How have your family and friends responded to your eating disorder?

My family is still in disbelief that I even have an eating disorder. They have tried to be supportive, but it just kind of ended up fueling my ED. My family and close friends in our bubble started to notice that I was losing weight, and the praise I was getting from this started to cause a huge problem. I now not only had bulimia, I now had people encouraging me to hurt my body.

My family would encourage me….To work out more. To eat less. They even got excited when I ate a singular carrot for lunch. The more runs and walks I would go on, the more “I’m so proud of you!” “You look amazing!” I got it.

If there is one thing you would like to change about how family, friends, or society view eating disorders, what would it be?

I wish society would stop promoting eating disorders. If you go on tik tok, not only are there videos showing people's weights as they drop. There are people glamorizing recovery. People are promoting disordered eating. This, for me, just made me feel invalid. Because I am not “sick enough” like the people that show up on my fyp. I wish my family just noticed and paid a little more attention to how they were saying things about reacting to certain situations.

Imagine your eating disorder was a person sitting in front of you. If you could say one thing to your eating disorder, what would it be?

I would probably say nothing. That voice doesn’t even deserve a single word from me. It ruined me. And I will forever have open wounds from the trauma. I will never be “normal” again. Or my old self.

If you could offer advice to anyone who has struggled or is currently struggling with an eating disorder, what would it be?

You don’t have to have an eating disorder diagnosis to have disordered eating or disordered thoughts. If you think you have an eating disorder, you probably do. And please seek help. You are not a failure for needing help. You're so strong and brave for even realizing that you are starting to go down a rabbit hole.

20.

ARABELLE BLALACK, 16 Did COVID/ quarantine affect your eating disorder in any way?

My eating disorder actually started a little bit after quarantine. After I began recovery, I wondered what caused it, and I truly believe it was due to quarantine. I think September to December of 2020 was the hardest, especially because of the holidays. I now realize that the main cause of my eating disorder was because I was never leaving the house, which allowed me to spend an excessive amount of time on social media. I was already pretty insecure at the time so seeing all these super-thin models and influencers all over the internet just gave me more reasons to hate my body and the way I looked.

How have your family and friends responded to your eating disorder?

My family clearly tried to be supportive and help me the best they could. My sister was actually the first to notice my eating disorder. She would point out when I didn’t eat at dinner or order a salad instead of my favorite meal at a restaurant. My friends were pretty supportive, but I didn’t want anyone to know, so I was glad when they didn’t point it out. When it got worse, my parents started to make comments about how I was getting too thin. My mom tried to help me by telling me how she had a pretty serious eating disorder in college. Overall I felt very loved and supported by the people around me.

If there is one thing you would like to change about how family, friends, or society view eating disorders, what would it be?

I feel like today's eating disorders can be glamourized by the media, especially in tv shows and movies. They definitely create a false narrative. It is not glamorous to lose your hair or almost pass out every time you stand up. I think that eating disorders should also not be a shameful thing to talk about. Shaming someone's mental health will only make it more deadly. The stigma around eating disorders prevents people from reaching out for help which could be deadly.

21.

ARABELLE BLALACK, 16

Imagine your eating disorder was a person sitting in front of you. If you could say one thing to your eating disorder, what would it be?

If my eating disorder were a person sitting in front of me, I would actually be quite calm. Though there would be many things I would like to say to it, the one thing that I would make sure I said was that it couldn’t control my life. I know that I will always have negative thoughts, and there will be things that trigger me, but I can not let that get in the way of doing things I enjoy, like hanging out with my friends, writing and playing music, and doing my best in school.

If you could offer advice to anyone who has struggled or is currently struggling with an eating disorder, what would it be?

The type of advice to give to someone with an eating disorder can’t be cliche because saying something like “you are beautiful” will not work. People with an eating disorder will not believe, or at least I didn’t. I think the best advice you can give someone is that it is not worth it. You will lose so much more than you gain. I know something that I would have loved to hear was that I don’t want to look back and realize I spent all this time worrying about my appearance then making memories with the people I love.

22.

SUMMER 2021 | ISSUE 2

OF THE YEAR

RE

E

ME

G DISORD ER

Y

ING THE HO TT ES

TI

IN AT

O

R VE

DUR

T

C

M M E R U S

V V I I A A D D R R AA U U PP Despite what you may think from the

In a sense, I've always felt quite in tune with

beautiful pink poncho girl in the photo

my body no matter what considering I've

above, I wouldn’t view myself as the biggest

spent so much of my time being fixated on

fashion icon.

small details and what I viewed to be as flaws on the body I was given. When I was

Part of that has to do with the fact that the

very young, I would argue that I didn't

majority of the time, I prioritize comfort

struggle with self-confidence.

over any fashion trend. However, the core of the issue lies more in my struggle with

In fact, there was nowhere I felt better

what is known as body dysmorphia. “Body

than when I was up on a stage performing;

dysmorphic disorder (BDD) a distinct

whether it was while I was singing or

mental disorder in which a person is

putting on concerts with my cousins for

preoccupied with an imagined physical

our family during Thanksgiving, or during

defect or a minor defect that others often

summer swim meets where I would beg my

cannot see. As a result, people with this

mom to watch me swim as I participated in

disorder see themselves as "ugly" and often

the aquatic sports that I loved.

avoid social exposure or turn to plastic surgery to try to improve their appearance.”

continued on page 25

24.

That didn't last for too long, though. As I

Now I understand how I may sound now,

got older, I began to despise the body I was

and you're probably thinking, “Wow, that

given and refused to wear a swimsuit . I quit

girl is ungrateful. That is a once in a

the swim team and every other sport that I

lifetime opportunity.” But for me, it was a

had once participated in because I refused

harrowing experience with self-

to let anyone see me wear shorts, better yet

consciousness during the peak of my

a swimsuit. I didn’t wear a swimsuit more

struggle with anorexia.

than twice for over three years. This included during the month-long trip that I

I'm not sure where my mind was at this

took during the summer before my

moment; I had been freaking out at the

sophomore year to Costa Rica to participate

thought of having to wear a bathing suit or

in community service work and explore one

show myself in some way or another, and it

of the world's most beautiful countries, and

led me to do anything in my power to try

it's magnificent beaches.

and prevent it.

With that being said, a lot of the itinerary

I could not fathom the idea of wearing

for this trip included water-based

anything that revealed even the smallest

activities. I can't even begin to tell you the

part of my body. While everyone else wore

number of excuses I came up with to try

the swimsuits and water shoes

and avoid having to go in the water.

recommended, I was in a pair of flowy pants

However, there was one that could not be

with a shirt and AirForce 1 sneakers, but

avoided considering two of the days were

that still was not enough.

spent on a white water rafting trip in the rainforest where we spent the night in a

I went so far as to wear a gigantic, not just a

cabin-like place you could only get to by

poncho but a pink plastic poncho to cover

boat or white water raft.

myself, even more, considering its reality was it did not even serve its purpose of

This took place the first day after I'd arrived in Latin America alongside a group

protecting me from getting wet, and I was absolutely miserable.

of teens from all over the world I did not know. Considering I had only been in Costa

During the first day of the white water

Rica for 12 hours before we took a bus to a

rafting excursion, I recall the group

cart attached to a tractor which took us

stopping at a waterfall for lunch. As I sat by

down to the rafts we would spend the next

myself on the side of the rocks, every other

few days in, it meant that they were not

person went into this waterfall and swam in

going to leave me alone on the mainland. I

the small body of water underneath.

had no choice but to go in the water, unfortunately. continued on page 26

25.

I was asked multiple times if I cared to join

But if there's one thing I've realized, it is

them or questioned why I didn't come in, and

the fact that no matter what I do, how much

as I reflect on my adventures and past

I exercise, what I eat, or how much I wish

experiences, I realize this wasn't the only time that I could crawl out of my own skin and I had done this and try to hide.

get a new body, the reality of it is that I can't.

In all honesty, I wanted to join them. I mean, who wouldn't? It truly was a one-of-a-kind

When I was born, I was given the gift of my

experience, yet I was too focused on my

body, and it isn't something that I can

appearance and self-loathing to enjoy it truly.

return. It is something that I meant to

It saddened me that I would rather overheat

cherish. Even if I have a love-hate

and embarrass myself by wearing a giant

relationship with the body that I was given I

plastic bubble than trying to work and face

continue to be grateful for it. I'm learning to

those fears.

love and respect it more and more every day.

I still think the funniest part of the story,

I don't want to be notorious for wearing

though, is the fact that even though I was

jackets, hoodies, sweatpants, or giant pink

completely covered, I still managed to get a

plastic ponchos in hundred-degree weather.

severe second-degree sunburn on my right

Instead, I want to explore the world and

arm and, in the end, had to wear long sleeves

enjoy life without the struggle of body

to cover myself and protect my skin from the

dysmorphia.

sun.

I want to feel confident enough to be in But the reason I tell this story because,

pictures, cherish different moments, and not

despite the fact this took place two years ago

waste them being fixated on my appearance,

now, there have been many instances where I

but I'm the only one who can change how I

felt this same way. Almost every day, in a

view myself.

sense, as I get up in the mornings and have to pick out an outfit to wear. So I may have

If you're in the same boat having similar

grown a lot as a person during this time, but

struggles, you have to remember that the

it doesn't mean that I am completely healed or only person can change the way you feel don't continue to have struggles.

yourself. So the next time you are wearing something you don't feel confident in,

In terms of recovery, I have come a long way,

whether it be a normal outfit or swimsuit or

but that struggle with body confidence and

a rain poncho, I want you to remember the

how I look persists.

gift of your body and everything, but it does for you, not for its flaws.

26.

THE DO’S AND DON’TS FOR FAMILIES AND ACQUAINTANCES OF INDIVIDUALS WITH AN EATING DISORDER.

THE DO'S Some of the things I wish people had said and appropriate ways to support your partner or person who may be struggling.

DO talk to your person about how they are feeling, listen to what they have to say, and understand what they need.

People in recovery need to have a strong support system and a group of people they can feel comfortable around. They may not want to talk about it at all, but they must know they have someone to talk to if they want to.

DO some research on information about eating disorders.

Having a better understanding of some of the science and behaviors behind eating disorders can help you be a support person. There are so many misconceptions and false information about eating disorders that are shown on social media, so doing proper research plays a key role in DO ask your person how you can best help them.

It is essential that you check in with them and let them know you support them.

There may be times when they don’t necessarily know what they need at that moment, so remember to be patient and understand. Talking to them can be helpful so that you can learn the skills to support them properly.

DO recognize that recovery is a journey, not an overnight process.

It can be difficult to realize that eating disorders are not simply cured. It can take a long time which can cause frustration. It is not an easy path but standing by them and not giving up as a member of the support team is the best thing you can do.

DO make sure you are taking care of yourself!

Although being a support person is an important role, you need to make sure that you are taking care of yourself too! Self-care is NOT selfish!

continued on page 29

28.

THE DONT'S Here are some of the things I wish people did not say, as well as some appropriate ways to support your partner or person who may be struggling.

DON’T tell someone with an eating disorder to “Just eat” or ask them why they “don’t eat.”

For many individuals with eating disorders that often involve restrictive habits, these types of questions or statements can potentially be quite triggering and or toxic. Eating Disorders are not just about the food considering most of the time; they are often formed around different complexities and internalized issues.

Eating Disorders are mental illnesses and should be recognized as such.

DON’T ask someone who is struggling with a mental illness if they have taken their meds yet or have seen their therapist this week.

As a person in recovery, this is a question I have been asked many times and something I know the majority of people I know personally with similar struggles have been asked. This type of question can make a person feel as if they are genuinely broken or if something is wrong with them. It's like asking someone up front why they aren’t “normal” or what's wrong with you. We all have struggles in life. Sometimes they come in different forms, which we need to respect when it comes to recovery.

DON’T say, “Just copy the way that I eat.”

Generally speaking, a misconception has been formed that if you follow the same diet as someone and have the same exercise plan, you will look exactly like them.

This is NOT true. If every person on the planet had the same diet and completed the same exercise routine, we would all still look different, considering every body is unique in its own way. We all metabolize foods at different rates and need certain things and specific plans that fit those needs. We all come in different shapes and heights, and sizes, and it is impossible to get that same body type naturally. Just because what you do suits your needs doesn't necessarily mean it will be suitable for another person.

continued on page 30

29.

THE DONT'S Some of the things I wish people did not say and appropriate ways to support your partner or person who may be struggling.

DON’T say, “You eat like crap.”

This is something that I have been told constantly and is by far one of the most harmful things I have been told. Now I understand it may not seem like a harmful statement but in reality, when someone is trying to recover from an eating disorder, what matters most is that they are working to improve themselves. They are trying to recover rather than shame them for the work that they have done or what they are doing. It is okay if you have dessert. It is okay to have pizza or carbs or anything, especially in moderation, because food is supposed to be something we enjoy. Not only do we need it to live, but it can also be a great part of life.

Nourishing your body is not crap!

DON’T tell someone that they are selfish because of their eating disorder.

No one should feel ashamed for having to ask for help or for needing support again. Everyone has struggled in life. What is important is that we surround ourselves with people who will help us and want to do so; telling someone they are selfish, or lying isn't beneficial to anyone. It isn't fair to compare one person struggle with an eating disorder to another's. No one should fear reaching out for help or feel that they will be ashamed for doing so.

DON’T say to someone that they don't have an eating disorder.

Unless you are a medical professional or treat this individual, it is not someone else's job to tell someone what they do or don't have. People deserve to feel validated, and telling someone that they don't have a problem is not something that will benefit you or that person.

DON'T say, "can you eat more? You're making me feel fat."

30.

Works Cited https://anad.org/get-informed/about-eatingdisorders/eating-disorders-statistics/ https://www.khanacademy.org/humanities/ushistory/rise-to-world-power/1920samerica/a/1920s-consumption https://blogs.oregonstate.edu/digitalmarketing/20 19/11/08/how-advertising-affects-society-andour-life/ https://academic.oup.com/her/article/21/5/719/7530 94 https://www.nationaleatingdisorders.org/mediaeating-disorders https://www.webmd.com/lung/news/20210331/eati ng-disorders-are-up-during-the-pandemic https://nourishrx.com/10-things-not-to-say-tosomeone-with-an-eating-disorder/ https://www.npr.org/sections/healthshots/2020/09/08/908994616/eating-disordersthrive-in-anxious-times-and-pose-a-lethalthreat https://www.hsph.harvard.edu/news/hsph-inthe-news/eating-disorders-in-teensskyrocketing-during-pandemic/ https://edsource.org/2021/eating-disordersamong-teens-surging-during-thepandemic/650882 http://familiesforrecoveredeating.com/caregiverdos-and-donts/ https://www.nationaleatingdisorders.org/helpsupport/contact-helpline https://labblog.uofmhealth.org/rounds/studyhospitalizations-for-eating-disorders-spikeamong-adolescents-during-covid https://med.stanford.edu/psychiatry/about/covid1 9/eating.html https://www.aafp.org/news/blogs/freshperspectiv es/entry/20201217fp-anorexia.html https://centerfordiscovery.com/blog/coronavirusquarantine-and-eating-disorders/ Touyz, S., Lacey, H. & Hay, P. Eating disorders in the time of COVID-19. J Eat Disord 8, 19 (2020). https://doi.org/10.1186/s40337-020-00295-3 Shah, Monica et al. “Eating disorders in the age of COVID-19.” Psychiatry research vol. 290 (2020): 113122. doi:10.1016/j.psychres.2020.113122

Swinburne University

Serur Yaffa, Enoch-Levy Adi, Pessach Itai, JoffeMilstein Marit, Gothelf Doron, Stein Daniel. (2021) Treatment of eating disorders in adolescents during the COVID-19 pandemic: a case series.

Journal of Eating Disorders 9:1. https://www.businessinsider.com/what-overexercise-does-body-brain-health-2018-4 Franques, Jérôme et al. “Sensory Neuronopathy Revealing Severe Vitamin B12 Deficiency in a Patient with Anorexia Nervosa: An Often-Forgotten Reversible Cause.” Nutrients vol. 9,3 281. 15 Mar. 2017, doi:10.3390/nu9030281 https://www.apa.org/topics/covid-19/eatingdisorders https://pediatrics.aappublications.org/content/earl y/2021/07/06/peds.2021-052201 https://www.webmd.com/mental-health/eatingdisorders/news/20210713/hospitalizations-forteens-with-eating-disorders-rose-sharply-duringpandemic

31.