DEFINING MOMENT

COMING OUT — MY DEFINING MOMENT

By Rachel Grant

Image by DisobeyArt from IStock / Getty Images Plus

I see the relief on their faces when they understand that they aren’t broken or weird.

It’s an interesting thing – being a coach. My life experiences, who I am, how I navigate my own relationships - well, it all becomes a part of the work I do with my clients.

Sometimes, this creates a bit of internal tension for me.

What do I share? What do I hold privately? How do I keep the focus on my clients while still using my own lived experiences to support them?

Lately, more and more of my clients have been sharing with me about their struggles to be authentically themselves when it comes to their desires and identity.

One woman has always known she was bisexual, but was afraid to tell her husband - worried it would end their relationship. One person is navigating an open relationship and all of the feelings and communication that come with that. One woman is feeling frustrated because her husband can’t hold space for the idea that she could want to be with a woman. One male client needed support in normalizing his nonheteronormative fantasies. In these sessions, I’ve been sharing my own experiences that relate to these struggles and the journey it’s been to embrace myself, love myself, trust that my desires are my own and not born out of trauma.

I see the relief on their faces when they understand that they aren’t broken or weird.

All of these conversations have got me wondering how many more of my clients (or followers) might be feeling these things, struggling in these ways, but might be hesistant to broach the topics with me since for the most part I present as a heterosexual woman in a monogamous relationship.

And while of course we don’t have to identify in the exact same way in order to relate to another person, it just feels like the time is now for me to come out to my community more fully.

I am a bisexual woman who is in an open relationship. My primary partner is a man. My secondary partner is a woman.

Damn - that feels great to say out loud!

Image by Andrea Migliarini from IStock / Getty Images Plus

What’s really true is that there are people who have come before me who have inspired and encouraged me to come out: Glennon Doyle, Sarah Buino, and Ellen just to name a few. And I know that their stories helped me first personally claim these identities, and now today, to say, “If you really want to see me, know me, then you should know this!”

I always tell my clients that I’m not going to ask anything of them that I wouldn’t do myself.

So coming out, being vulnerably, authentically me ... well, it’s just a must at this point.

And my hope is that I can pass along to anyone who is struggling to embrace who they are, what they feel, what they want, this truth - it is 100% OKAY TO BE YOU!! ABOUT THE AUTHOR

Rachel is the owner and founder of Rachel Grant Coaching and is a Sexual Abuse Recovery Coach. Rachel holds a Master of Arts in Counseling Psychology and is the author of Beyond Surviving: The Final Stage in Recovery from Sexual Abuse and Overcome the Fear of Abandonment. You can download both free on her website.

She works with survivors of childhood sexual abuse to help them let go of the pain of abuse and finally feel normal.

Her program, Beyond Surviving, is specifically designed to change the way we think about and heal from abuse. she has successfully used this program to help her clients break free from the past and move on with their lives.

Reach Rachel here or on Facebook.

So coming out, being vulnerably, authentically me...well, it’s just a must at this point.