8 minute read
INDESTRUCTIBLE
By Brooke
My abuse was very overwhelming, I had years of thinking I was a burden, a problem in my own sibling’s mind because he was also mentally abusing me over his own guilt and shame.
I am picking up the left over pieces of my broken self after five years of sibling sexual abuse (SSA).
Hello I am Brooke, I am a 16-year old teen survivor of child sexual abuse suffered by my brother who is five years older than me. I want to share my thoughts on how my abuse started and ended along with where I am now in my journey of trauma healing. My abuse was very overwhelming. I had years of thinking I was a burden, a problem in my own sibling’s mind because he was also mentally abusing me over his own guilt and shame. We argued daily because I was angry, hurt and betrayed by my older brother, someone I thought I could always trust. I remember how mean he was throughout the years he was causing the harm. It seemed like just the slightest things would set him into arguing mode toward me.
The abuse caused me to sink into a deep state of depression. I could not sleep well, and I had a lot of nights knowing at any moment of my young life that my brother would prey on me again and again constantly for years. In between sixth and seventh grade I started noticing a change in my behavior and how I presented. I noticed that I was dressing more boyish and I started letting my school grades slip. I went from being an A and B student most days to skipping assignments and not completing the homework task. This made me stressed because my parents were worried about my grades then.
For some reason I just could not bring up my grades, probably due to depression. I had taken the “Tutor Route.” I just couldn’t think straight on what I was supposed to be doing, like I was in a mental fog from all my depression and anxiety. I had thoughts I just couldn’t control. I even took counseling starting in sixth grade, I thought maybe I could open up to my counselor about my sexual abuse and that she could get me out of this nightmare my abuser was putting me through. I hoped that maybe I wouldn’t be in this mess anymore.
I felt too much shame to say my brother was sexually abusing me.
He would tell me if I ever told we would both go to jail for a long time and I would be the cause of my family falling apart. He told me I would make mom sad and dad disgusted.
The abuse carried on five years until I finally had enough courage and told my mom on May 31st 2023 after he picked another argument over me asking my mom to watch a movie when she had returned from her doctor’s appointment.
That was the day I was set free from inner turmoil. My parents believed me, which I should have known they would.
My brother was confronted within minutes of my own disclosure. He admitted to the damage he had been causing me for a long time. My parents made sure to see that I received justice and I want to share the things I mentioned in my Victim Impact Statement. I wanted the judge to understand how bad this had impacted my life.
He needs to be held responsible for my ongoing emotional suffering. I am here to provide my statement, to share my side of the story ,and how this has impacted my life. My sexual abuse began between the ages of ten and eleven and went on until I was fifteen. I went through many years of selfdoubt, severe depression, and insecurities because of everything that happened. In that time, I had lost all hope and trust in everyone, I felt like I had no reason to live, and there was no one I could turn to about the abuse I suffered by my brother.
I want to stress the importance that this was not just sexual abuse, but a lot of mental abuse.
He would say horrible things to me; that I was psycho, a retard because I was diagnosed with Autism. He also said I would be the one to go to jail for his actions and the sexual abuse he carried out on me if I ever told anyone. He said that it would be my fault for the family breaking up. There were times when he bribed me with money and gifts to keep my silence. My brother exposed me to very disturbing pornographic images over the course of the abuse. My innocence was ripped from me due to his poor self-control and decisions and it was not fair. I had plans to wait until marriage, with the person of my choosing. That should have been my decision.
BROOKE’S VICTIM IMPACT STATEMENT:
I am not sure if I am ready to see the person who harmed me, my biological sibling, because that is what I consider him now, no longer a brother.
The abuse occurred every few months. He would wait until both my parents were asleep and then call me to the basement area where his room was located to abuse me.
He started sexually abusing me after my mom picked up a second job to help with bills because my dad got injured at work and lost most of his right hand . My mom was working 55-60 hours weekly for a few years and my father slept a lot, healing from his amputation and depression.
I finally broke my silence, telling my parents after my brother started another argument, saying mean things to me.
He ended up admitting to it all and turning himself in to the police.
At least he finally admitted to his wrongs, but can I say I have forgiven him yet? No, but I am working on getting to that point because I do not want to remain angry and stressed.
He has caused me so much grief, anger, selfharm, and severe PTSD. I was hospitalized for a week after everything came out in the open due to my depression. I have been in counseling for several years. I was unsure of my own sexuality and how I identified myself because my trust was broken when it comes to men. He did not just molest me; he fully raped me 1-2 times. This should not have happened to me.
I do want to see my brother get help for his issues and have told my attorney and victim witness advocate all this. I do ask that he serves time and I know he carries three felonies and a potential max sentence of 30 years. I want him to be placed somewhere he can receive proper sex offender help and therapy services for his pornography addiction. I do not want to see anyone else hurt the way I was by him.
He needs to know I will live up to the statement of “What doesn’t break you makes you stronger.”
This has me looking into a new career field to help other victims of sexual abuse. I will become a voice and take a stand for other victims. He needs to know he did not win because I am a stronger person today as I write this impact statement. Thank you to all who have stood behind me through this battle. Without you all I would not be the person I am today.
Life After Receiving Justice
I am about two months out from my sibling’s sentencing and my court appearance to read my Victim Impact Statement.
I feel like I am learning to love myself again which has been missing for many years.
My parents have stood beside me throughout the entire process, and they are even helping me with raising awareness for sibling sexual abuse. We want to help lower the rates of teen suicide, help educate parents on the real dangers of the Internet, and especially pornography which my brother had become addicted to.
I have plans to finish school and then attend college for a degree in either forensics nursing for sexual assault victims or to become a licensed clinical therapist.
I want other victims to know if I was able to find my voice and disclose it to my parents, proceed with the path of getting justice through the judicial system, then you can do it too.
I know this is a very embarrassing thing for anyone to disclose at any age, but it is happening more than society likes to admit.
Let us break the chains, and silence surrounding Sibling Sexual Abuse by educating children about personal boundaries, respect towards siblings, and the dangers online because at some point most children are exposed to harmful sexually explicit materials such as pornography and need to be armed with the tools to help them make decisions to steer clear of it.
Written by a teen survivor, Brooke
