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CHUCK RAGAN FACTS

80 facts about the manliest man in the world.


CHUCK RAGAN FACTS est. 26.08.11


WHO IS CHUCK RAGAN? Chuck Ragan is an American singer, songwriter and guitarist. He is one of the lead singers for Gainesville, Florida based punk rock band Hot Water Music. The group disbanded in 2006, and the other three members went on to form punk band The Draft, while Ragan launched a solo career playing folk music. He has since released three studio albums (Feast or Famine, Gold Country and Covering Ground) on Side One Dummy. Hot Water Music reformed in 2008, but Chuck still performs and records solo material on the side. He is also the founder of The Revival Tour, an acoustic collaborative music event. As well as all of this, Chuck Ragan is also the manliest man in the world.

In this book are 80 brilliant facts about Chuck Ragan, courtesy of Chuck Ragan Facts. But first, here's a little back story on how the idea was born‌

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THE FACTS STORY

“I first saw Chuck Ragan playing with Hot Water Music in September 2003 when they supported Alkaline Trio in Portsmouth. I was a month shy of being 17 and thought ‘this is a cool band’. Gradually over the years that sense of them being a cool band changed into a full blown Hot Water Music obsession. When they announced their reunion I was stoked and sure enough after seeing them destroy London in May 2010 I drunkenly walked to the stage door and met the man himself for the first time. I’m not entirely sure where the idea that Chuck Ragan is the manliest man in the world first came from but I’m fairly sure it was from a conversation I had with my sister. When I went and interviewed Frank Turner in January 2011 for my podcast and asked him if this idea was true or not, the smile on his face told the whole story. ‘That is not the first time I’ve been asked that question’, he then told me that him and his US tour manager, Casey (who has also tour managed Chuck), used to sit and make up stuff about Chuck while they were on tour in America.

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Fast forward to August and I’m in Portsmouth to see Hot Water Music again and low and behold meet Casey and tell him this story. After watching Chuck Ragan roam the venue that night and having people continuously trying to buy him drinks I started formulating more of these facts in my head. When I got home that night I set up this Twitter account not thinking it would go anywhere, but thanks to a re-Tweet from Frank Turner within 20 minutes of setting it up, I had 400 followers within 48 hours. Since then it’s grown nicely and I’ve met some really nice people. I’ve written some funny facts and I’ve written some that weren’t so good but there are only so many jokes you can make about massive beards and building houses. I think my favourite bit was where a lovely journalist asked Chuck in an interview about the account and Chuck mentioned that the ‘real Chuck Ragan Facts would be pretty boring’. I’ve no idea why he is claiming these things aren’t real! Thanks” Chuck Ragan Facts 7


When Chuck Ragan is at the bar, ten people offer to pay for his drinks.

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Chuck Ragan can pull off double denim.

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“The sun only rises in the morning because Chuck Ragan allows it to.” @fthc

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The sweat from just one of Chuck’s shirts is enough to power an entire city, for a week.

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“I hear Chuck Ragan doesn’t have milk with his cereal, he has Ol’ Diesel.” @Kylem17

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Chuck has so much testosterone, even the ladies leave his show with full moustaches.

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“At a @fthc show there are 300 woman in love with Frank. At a Chuck Ragan show there are 300 men in love with Chuck.” @hausedave

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Chuck Ragan doesn’t sit on the Revival Tour Bus between cities. He grabs two frying pans and some rope then "road skis� from the back all the way to the next stop.

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The word “woodchuck” was invented for Chuck Ragan as lumberjack’s wouldn’t change to lumberchuck.

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“Chuck can catch a fish, gut it, cook it, serve it, build your deck and still make the stage by nine.” @hawkeman

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Chuck Ragan could survive a zombie apocalypse simply with a harmonica and a “can do� attitude.

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“When Chuck shaves his beard a mighty forest regrows from his trimmings” @TheCarpetIslava

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“When Chuck Ragan cuts up onions he makes them cry” @vialister

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“Chuck has a beard, Jesus had a beard. Chuck is a carpenter, Jesus was a carpenter. Coincidence? Ha, Jesus wishes.” @melekalikihucki

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“@hausedave wouldn’t have gotten mugged in the C’mon Kid video if Chuck Ragan was there.” @gregwithers

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Chuck Ragan understood Inception first time.

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Chuck Ragan can sense someone plastering a wall incorrectly up to 100 miles away.

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“Chuck puts gravel in his drinks instead of ice.� @originalchull

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Chuck Ragan would be allowed to put baby in the corner.

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9 out of 10 women think about Chuck Ragan during sex with their partners. 10 out of 10 men do the same.

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My mum asked me “Is it going to be cold tomorrow?”, my reply was “Probably ‘cause Chuck Ragan’s in Amsterdam now”. She looked confused.

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The only thing that could make The Revival Tour better would be @fthc and @tommygabel, and Chuck giving out free hugs at the door.

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“Chuck Ragan could get a hole-in-one using a rugby ball… Somehow.” @DanielJSmith

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Chuck Ragan taught high school kids advanced wood work aged 9. At age 12 he was teaching advanced beard growth.

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Get your loved ones the perfect Xmas present: The Chuck Ragan work out DVD. The DVD includes Chuck’s personal routine…

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‌dead lifting tree trunks, pulling tractors around with your beard, knocking down walls with bare hands and petting kitties!

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Chuck Ragan smokes sticks of dynamite.

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When kids come and trick or treat Chuck Ragan’s house they get a mini harmonica and a demonstration on the correct way to plane wood.

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Chuck Ragan could simply walk into Mordor.

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Humans are said to have evolved from apes. Chuck Ragan evolved from a massive fuckin’ bear.

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Chuck Ragan came before both the chicken and the egg.

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Chuck Ragan could refuse the godfather’s offer.

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Chuck Ragan once won a singing competition using sign language.

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#thingsyoucantimaginechuckragandoing one of those punk rock jumps guitarists do.

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#thingsyoucantimaginechuckragandoing assembling Ikea furniture.

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#thingsyoucantimaginechuckragandoing the Macarena.

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The Chuck Ragan equation: Manliness = facial hair ร— harmonica use รท by dry stone wall building2

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Chuck Ragan could win a staring contest with a mirror.

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#thingsyoucantimaginechuckragandoing ordering a skinny, decaf latte with soya milk and hazel nut foam‌

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‌Chuck Ragan would simply order a black coffee!

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The frozen foods isle is kryptonite to Chuck Ragan. He can't understand why no one else hunts and skins their own food.

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If Chuck Ragan was a drug the main side effect would definitely be uncontrollable beard growth and an insatiable desire to saw some wood.

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If Chuck was on the titanic he would've just punched the iceberg out of the way.

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Before Chuck Ragan was born leap years didn't exist. However the extra gravitational pull created by Chuck now causes February 29th.

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Rome wasn't built in a day. If Chuck Ragan was the contractor it would've been.

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If Chuck Ragan leads a horse to water you can be damn sure it's gonna drink!

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If Chuck Ragan had created the world he wouldn't have rested on the 7th day. He'd have invented hard wood flooring much earlier.

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Chuck Ragan once got pulled over. He let the cop off with a warning.

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Chuck Ragan fought the law, and Chuck Ragan won.

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When Chuck Ragan hikes he simply walks in a straight line. Trees move out of the way, rivers part and ravines close up.

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The dark is scared of Chuck Ragan.

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Chuck Ragan never gets tired. He simply sleeps when it becomes too dark to see the trees he is chopping down.

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Chuck Ragan doesn't get drunk and fall over. He gets drunk and thinks the floor looks lonely so he gives it a hug.

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Life once gave Chuck Ragan lemons. Chuck threw them back at life and dared it to do that again.

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Chuck Ragan once had a mullet. And it looked good.

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"Chuck Ragan takes no prisoners. He doesn't get chance, they hear his manly footsteps half a mile away and run off." @tenaciousdazz

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Chuck Ragan doesn't make typos. You read the words wrong.

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" If a radioactive spider bit Chuck Ragan, the spider would get Chuck Ragan powers." @britnicjack

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#chuckraganbumperstickers My other car is a harmonicar.

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Roses are red, violets are blue, Chuck Ragan will always, be manlier than you.

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#chuckragancocktails The Boat: Hollow out huge tree trunk into a canoe. Fill with guinness. Serve with little umbrella.

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"Chuck Ragan never plays air guitar, he just carves himself one out of the nearest tree." @sparkletasia

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There is no razor blade capable of shaving Chuck Ragan’s beard. He has to use a meat clever. 

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“Order a Chuck Ragan at the bar and you’ll get a pint of Guinness and a shot of Jamesons.” @MichaelBerinoto

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“Chuck Ragan goes big buck hunting armed only with an acoustic guitar and a throaty growl.� @RWalkerdotcom

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The Rambo films were inspired by Chuck Ragan’s vacations. They had to add the guns though, Chuck didn’t need them. 

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Before becoming a musician Chuck Ragan tried and perfected the following jobs: glass chewer, truck juggler, master beardsman and shark rider. 

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“When Chuck Ragan snaps a string he grits his teeth, plucks a hair from his mighty beard, re-strings that sucker and moves on.� @Wayfarer1945

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Chuck Ragan mixes concrete with his bare hands. 

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“I’m tired of people comparing Chuck Ragan to God. I mean, he’s good but he’s no Chuck Ragan.” @VeniVidiVito

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Chuck Ragan’s new album contains a warning that “listening to this record may result in unexpected beard growth and desire to use heavy machinery”. 

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Chuck Ragan’s dressing room rider consists of plaster, a hammer and a spirit level so he can repair any shoddy venues he ends up in. 

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Apple are set to announce a new Chuck Ragan app. It’ll show you the nearest hardware shop and the best fishing spots. 

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Chuck Ragan could hit a 300 yard drive… with a putter.

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Chuck Ragan doesn’t put gas in his car. He cuts holes in the floor and does it Flintstones style.

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Carlsberg don’t make musicians but if they did Chuck Ragan would still be better.

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Chuck Ragan snacks on packets of nails.

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“When Chuck Ragan goes fishing he just stares into the water and the fish hop into his boat.� @ Laughterisguilt

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There is nothing Chuck Ragan can't cure with Guinness‌

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"‌I've seen him bring animals back from death with Guinness." @aflightandacrash

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SO, WHAT WAS ALL THAT ABOUT?

I, like many other Chuck Ragan fans, have been thoroughly amused by Chuck Ragan Facts on Twitter since August 2011. Such a simple yet genius idea. Although there are a lot more "facts" than those featured in this book, there have been some real gems amongst them. It is those gems that I have chosen to be compiled into this book. With the nature of Twitter, brilliant as it is, the old @ChuckRaganFacts are lost to new followers. So along with the Chuck Ragan Facts Tumblr (chuckraganfacts.tumblr.com), this preserves some of the best in Chuck Ragan Facts, thus far.

Collated and designed by Emma Prew (@emmaprew) From the mind of Chuck Ragan Facts - he does have an actual name but I'll let you work that out for yourself. I did. Of course, this would be nothing without the man himself, Chuck Ragan.

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Chuck Ragan Facts