The
In search of Robin’s missing plot
Robin’s
Robin claims his plot was stolen by aliens when he parked up at Charnock Richard Services on June the 18th, but there have been various sighting of Robin’s plot in several locations around the UK. Skeptics claim Robin’s plot was never there in the first place, if it didn’t exist, how can it be lost? Others say it’s a publicity stunt as Robin has just released a new single.
RIGHT, IT’S LIKE THIS RIGHT, NO FUCKING JOKE, I WAS AT CHARNOCK RICHARD SERVICES AND THIS LIGHT FLASHED IN THE SKY AND I LOOKED UP AND IT’S A FUCKING BIG UFO RIGHT ABOVE ME, IT WAS LIKE A BIG FUCK OFF BLACK TRIANGLE WITH RED LIGHTS ALL AROUND IT AND A GREEN LIGHT ON EACH CORNER YEAH. THERE WEREN’T JUST ME WHO SAW IT, BRENDON SAW IT TOO, BRENDON THE CAR AIR FRESHENER THAT IS, HE SAID “ROBIN WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT IN THE SKY” AND I JUST STARED AT Robin, THIS BIG FUCKING what the fuck IC UFO, I COULDN’T is that in the MAG SAY ANYTHING I sky? WAS LIKE IN Fresh SHOCK OR SOMETHING. AND IF YOU THINK I’M FUCKING MAD SAYING A CAR AIR FRESHENER SAID THAT, WELL IT’S A FUCKING MAGIC FRESH AND THEY CAN TALK COS THEY’RE FUCKING MAGIC, RIGHT! . .
A conspiracy? The plot thickens as the story of Robin’s plot continues.
L
THEN THIS BIG FUCKING BEAM OF LIGHT APPEARS AND THE NEXT THING I KNOW I’M LIED ON A TABLE INSIDE THIS BIG FUCKING UFO AND THIS ALIEN THAT LOOKS SOMETHING LIKE DANNII MINOGUE COMES OVER AND PROBES ME WITH A BLUE LIGHT STICK RIGHT, AND IT HAD FOUR ARMS AND WAS GREEN AND. . .
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. . . I TRIED TO GET OFF THE TABLE BUT I WAS FUCKING STUCK, LIKE BY SOME INVISIBLE FORCE. I WAS FUCKING SHITTING MYSELF AND SCREAMING BUT NO VOICE WAS COMING OUT, YOU KNOW LIKE WHEN YOU HAVE ONE OF THEM FUCKING NIGHTMARES, YOU KNOW WHAT I’M TALKING ABOUT RIGHT. I WAS FUCKING SHIT SCARED. THEN I FEEL SOMETHING FUCKING BAD MAN AND I REALISE THE FUCKING ALIEN THAT LOOKS LIKE DANNII MINOGUE IS PROBING MY ANUS WITH THE FUCKING BIG BLUE LIGHT STICK. MY FUCKING ARSE WAS SORE FOR A MONTH AFTER THAT, I KID YOU NOT. SO THAT’S WHAT HAPPENED, THE NEXT THING I’M BACK IN THE CAR ON CHARNOCK RICHARD SERVICES. I DIDN’T LOSE THE PLOT, IT WAS FUCKING STOLEN BY A FUCKING ALIEN THAT EXTRACTED IT TROUGH MY FUCKING ARSE. THAT’S HOW THEY GOT IT AND I DON’T KNOW HOW THE FUCK I’M GOING TO GET IT BACK.
BUT THEN SOMETHING ELSE WHEN I CAME AROUND IN THE CAR BRENDON SAID “DUDE YOU’RE A FUCKING SUPERHERO” I DIDN’T KNOW WHAT HE WAS TALKING ABOUT BUT THEN I SAW MY REFLECTION IN THE REAR VIEW MIRROR AND FUCK ME, HOW DID THAT HAPPEN, I GUESS THE ALIEN STOLE MY PLOT, BUT GAVE ME SUPERPOWERS IN RETURN.
Dude you’re a fucking superhero!
IC MAG
FRESH
FUCK ME BRENDON YOU’RE RIGHT, I’M A FUCKING SUPERHERO, HOW THE FUCK DID THAT HAPPEN? ME AND YOU BRENDON, WE CAN RULE THE WORLD... OR SAVE IT. WHATEVER COMES FIRST EH MATE! THEN I WAS FUCKING HUNGRY, SO I GOT A BURGER BEFORE HITTING THE M6 AND FUCKING OFF HOME. THAT’S HOW IT HAPPEND AND THINGS HAVEN’T BEEN THE FUCKING SAME SINCE I LOST THE PLOT. . . I MEAN HAD IT STOLEN!
Dagenham
The The
Ruth Wilson
SIGHTINGS Eye Witness Testimonies I REMEMBER IT JUST LIKE YESTERDAY. IT WAS A BUSY MORNING I’D FINISHED 3 LOADS AND I WAS GONNA GO TO JO’S CAFÉ FOR A CUPPA AND A SPLIFF, (WELL I CAN’T A FAG IN HERE ANYMORE, ILLEGAL YOU KNOW) WHEN I HEARD A VOICE BEHIND ME SAY “HAVE YOU GOT CHANGE FOR SOAP POWDER PLEASE LOVE” WHEN I TURNED ROUND IT WAS ROBIN’S PLOT, I RECOGNISED IT INSTANTLY, I GAVE IT TWO FIFTY PENCE’S FOR A ONE POUND COIN AND IT BOUGHT SOME MACHINE POWDER THEN PUT ITS DIRTY WASHING IN. WAS VERY POLITE, MUST SAY!
“ROBIN’S PLOT CAME INTO MY LAUNDRETTE TO DO ITS DIRTY WASHING” Shannon Jones
Bridgend I PUT A PAIR OF HEDGE TRIMMERS ON EBAY I DID, TO MAKE A QUICK QUID AND THEY SOLD FOR 3 QUID, I COULDN’T BELIEVE IT I COULDN’T, I ONLY BOUGHT THEM FROM THE POUND SHOP FOR A POUND. I’VE NEVER USED THEM THOUGH, LIKE NEW THEY WERE. ROBIN’S PLOT WON THE BID, WHEN PICKING THEM UP FROM MY HOUSE ROBIN’S PLOT SAID “DO YOU WANT ME TO TRIM YOUR BUSH BEFORE I LEAVE LOVE, I’LL DO IT FOR A FIVER”, I SAID “NO THANKS” AND IT GOT ON ITS WAY. I THOUGHT NOTHING MORE OF IT UNTIL THE NEXT DAY WHEN TANYA FROM NEXT DOOR POPPED OVER TO BORROW MY MINGE TRIMER AND SHE SAID SHE’D HEARD FROM DANIELLE THAT KAYLEY HAD TOLD SAMI THAT ROBIN HAD LOST HIS PLOT. AND CAN YOU BELIEVE, IT WAS RIGHT HERE OFFERING TO TRIM MY BUSH FOR A FIVER, SO IT WAS!
“ROBIN’S PLOT OFFERED TO TRIM MY BUSH, SNIP SNIP”
No location (psychic - in the mind)
Dick Aconker
ROBIN’S PLOT FIRST CAME TO ME IN A DREAM, IT WAS HAZEY BUT VERY CLEAR, IT DIDN’T SPEAK BUT I KNEW WHAT IT WAS SAYING. I’LL TRY TO TUNE IN TO ROBIN’S PLOT NOW, YES IT’S COMING THROUGH. I CAN SEE THAT ROBIN’S PLOT IS SAD AND I CAN ALSO SEE THAT ROBIN’S PLOT IS HAPPY. IT’S IN A PLACE WHERE THERE’S LOTS OF WATER, BUT IT’S VERY DRY. I GET A TERRIBLE SENSE OF DANGER, BUT ROBIN’S PLOT IS SAFE. HE’S ALONE BUT THERE ARE OTHERS. I CAN SEE A LINK WITH IRELAND AND THERE SEEMS TO BE AN ASSOCIATION WITH THE COLOUR GREEN, I’M GETTING A NAME BEGINNING WITH M BUT IT’S FADING, OOOO IT’S GONE. . BUT DON’T FORGET YOU TOO CAN BE PSYCHIC, BUY MY BOOK CONFESSIONS OF A COLD READER LANGUAGE TRICKS & BARNUM STATEMENTS MADE ME RICH. AVAILABLE IN SUPERMARKETS NOW!
“ROBIN’S PLOT CAME TO ME IN A DREAM, HE’S IN DANGER BUT HE’S SAFE”
TAKE THAT
YOU CRIMINAL, EXPOSING YOUR UNDERWEAR IS A CRIME. MY TOXIC SNOT WILL GLUE YOUR JEANS UP! TAKE THAT. . .
EM CREATIVE MEDIA COPYRIGHT 2010
HAS ROBIN DISCOVERED HIS SUPERPOWER IN SUPERHUMAN TOXIC SNOT?
TO BE CONTINUED...
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