emotional intelligence
M
uch depends on how adjustments go during the early days of marriage, for this is the time when the foundations of a successful marriage are laid. Many unsuccessful marriages spring from ignorance and misinformation. Some young married people have been so misinformed that they develop a deep sense of guilt whenever they think of the other sex. This colors their whole attitude toward life and creates strong inhibitions which may bring on an attitude of coldness and lack of understanding for the marital partner. Such people often assume hypocritical attitudes, with the result that even the marriage itself may be doomed. The only solution to such problems lies in gaining a new appreciation for the true facts of life. Although it is true that some married people live together without a well-balanced attitude toward sex, they are rare exceptions. The great majority of marital failures seem to break down at this point. Doctors are continually reminded of this, for so many of the nervous illnesses seem to arise from this source. A thorough knowledge of the human anatomy and physiology will help in solving some of these problems that arise between husbands and wives. Each must realize that sex is one of the normal functions of life, just like breathing, eating or sleeping. Within their proper sphere none of these should cause embarrassment to anyone, but any of them, if carried to excess, may result in weakness and ill-health. Marriage is a merger of two different individuals. These differences are perfectly natural, some of them arising from powerful substances produced in the human body. The presence of these chemicals bring on profound changes in form and behavior, especially in the female, while in the male there may be little change from day to day. The woman is never quite the same from one day to the next. Every month she passes through what is known as her menstrual cycle. This is brought about by the ebb and flow of vogue afrique » Issue 09 Vol 5. 2009
“...If husbands and wives are going to be happy together, they must be willing to make allowances for each other’s needs and feelings.˝ the chemical hormones in her blood stream. This results in a wide variation of feelings towards herself, her husband and even those around her. These changes are often difficult for most men to understand. They are baffled by the almost unpredictable swings of mood, for which the lady herself is really not responsible. In fact, she is often as perplexed over these changes as her husband, but there may be little she can do except learn to live with them as best as she can. All of this has much to do with a woman’s happiness during her married life. There are times when she has an enormous amount of energy, and other times when she may feel that the tide has gone out completely. These changes are brought on by the rise and fall of the hormones or chemicals which are produced by her endocrine glands. These powerful little “factories” are sometimes called “ductless glands” because they pour their chemicals directly into the blood stream, and by this means they are carried to every organ and tissue in the body. The same thing occurs in both sexes, but in the male there is little change from day to day. In the female things are vastly different. From one week to the next throughout most of her adult life there is a constant fluctuation in the level of certain hormones. Internal chemistry thus has a profound effect upon her outlook on life, including her attitude towards her husband. It is therefore important for a husband to understand what is taking place in his wife, enabling him to make allowances for her frequent changes of mood. These mood variations are something like the weather. If you don’t like it, wait awhile. This explains why there are times when a woman may be very affectionate and other times when she may feel quite indifferent. She cannot help these feelings, since they are part of her nature. If husbands and wives are going to be happy together, they must be willing to make allowances for each other’s needs and feelings. A woman was never meant to become the slave of a man, nor a man of a woman. It was the plan of the creator that they should work together as a team in the training of their children and in the building of their home. They were to grow together, live together, and understand each other more completely as the years go by. And through this closest and most beautiful of all human relationships they were to find the supreme joy of creating a truly happy home. 35