The Odyssey Project 2024
Heroes: Eric Banuelos, John Barros, David Cardiff, Jesse Gutierrez, Leuguin (Leo) Gutierrez, Andrew Liu, Coleen Pascual, Matthew Thayer, Qirui Xie.
Eric Banuelos The Hero
Eric Banuelos
The Monster’s Eye
Eric Banuelos The Ally
John Barros
The Hero & Adventure’s Map
John Barros
The Monster’s Eye
Ally
John Barros Scylla
John Barros Ithaca
David Cardiff
The Hero & The Ancestor
David Cardiff
The Monster’s Eye
Scylla, Charybdis & Calypso
David Cardiff Ithaca
The Hero
Jesse Gutierrez
I want to be helpful and an inspiration to others, a good person in the community, someone who can make a difference. That’s a hero to me, that’s the identity I would like to have as a hero.
Jesse Gutierrez
The Ally
My daughter is my supportive and kind presence. She has been by my side throughout my struggles and always a strong positive presence. She has been my greatest ally.
Ally’s letter: Please give Jesse the strength to be a good and kind man and fulfill all his dreams.
The Monster’s Eye
Life is full of wrong turns and temptations that I am committed to avoid; I am a good person and will overcome those challenges with a positive spirit. I am getting better every day, happy to lead a life where I can take control of my destiny.
Jesse Gutierrez
Ithaca
The place I want to finally enjoy the rest of my life is a bit like Santa Barbara: sunny, warm and colorful, with a serene beach and a few good people to share it with.
Leo
The Hero
The Ally & The Monster’s Eye
Ithaca
Leo (Leuguin) Gutierrez
The Hero
Andrew Liu
I spend most of my time preparing for combat, but it’s very similar to yearning for a friend.
This morning the first thing I did was stretch, go to the bathroom and drink water. I then got ready to go to school.
A tired animal stirred from its resting position and looked for where its next meal could be.
Heroic Name:
Andrew comes from Greek and means “manly”.
Liu comes from a royal family in China and so is a very common name, but originally meant “kill” or “destroy”. This name may have come about because these ancestors were warriors, but I think it may be fitting because I think my heroic trait may be facing challenges with tactical empathy.
As my parents moved to America and I was raised in California I like my first name as it represents one ideal of Western culture.
Andrew Liu Adventure’s Map
One of my first memories was being pushed on a toy cart and falling on my face. I did not remember getting on the cart, or if I asked someone to push me. I did not know it then, but my way is to learn by facing challenges. I became aware when I started elementary school that academics and athletics were valued by people and I undertook both without hesitation. Constantly pushing myself I fell many times, learning how to keep my seat and how to heal and reorder myself. The stronger I get, the more I value kindness and peace. Still I train and learn how to defend myself, to understand strategy and teach others. In studying science and philosophy I decided that I want to pursue soil remediation, agriculture or fishing. I stand to meet my potential and to support the people in my life. I stand for my ideals and to create a safer community. One of my most important ideals is truth and so I am most likely to act when I feel someone is lying. I am also interested in everyone’s talents and so I want to protect them and help them bring it out.
Andrew Liu
The Ally
My ally is named Joseph and I ask for what I can do better and new ways I can approach my goals for myself and my people.
Ally’s letter:
I am Joseph, well known as a competitor and mentor, and I am compelled to speak for Andrew’s situation on the island of Fortuna Rd, in the area of Isla Vista. He has suffered repeatedly in his own search for adventure and by the hands of those wishing to take away the respect that he has earned in his lifetime. And yet he stands and carries his heavy ruck, and takes care of himself so that he can continue to meet the challenges he seeks or that find him. He does not always know who he contends with or what his long term goal will be but he trains every day so that he is prepared for the journey. He travels the island’s immediate vicinity, but remains confined in his differences to other people. I ask the court to show him the path and open his mind to the lives of others and he will be ready to relate to others and tell his story.
Andrew Liu
The Monster’s Eye
The Monster Writes:
People often try to keep me away with loud noises, or hurt me to feel stronger. I never intend to do anything threatening, people just imagine who I am from what they think. In understanding this, I realize that people do not know how and why they hurt others, or that those others do not deserve it. But while they may be wrong to impose like this, words of pacifism or aggression cannot resolve the conflict. People in this situation need to be vigilant and defend themselves, and do what is best for them.
Andrew Liu
Addictions & The Underworld
Addiction Statement:
I can relate to addiction in terms of substances such as caffeine and nicotine, although I do not think I have had a substance addiction. Addiction to me is what I do to avoid the important work I want to do or what I am supposed to do. It can be watching videos, reading, walking, eating or drinking. When I feel that I have suffered or strained myself, it does feel restful to engage in these activities. But I learned to remind myself to not harm my health and to always return to my goals. I think addiction is so difficult because it produces a feeling of incapacity that is hard to escape.
The Underworld First Writing:
Dear Andrew, I sacrificed many relationships in my life as I battled for my own health. I recognized this mistake, but it was too late. I know you also have to fight for what is important to you, but remember to always make time to spend with people who may need you. I was weak at the end of my life, but was strong as I said goodbye. You are strong, and must also prioritize relationships.
The Underworld Second Writing:
Beloved ancestor, I struggle to maintain relationships as I embark on my journey and adventure. Can you tell me how you would like me to change?
Dear Andrew, the people in your life miss you and those that you see as authority figures would be grateful to hear your contribution. Be careful that in your effort to have this adventure, you do not go off your path. Always do what is best for yourself and you will find the will to reunite with your people.
The Hero
When I was 9 my whole world as I knew it was uprooted. First it was little changes and adjustment to my everyday life as a nine-year-old. I was switched schools, my brother and sister were no longer going to school, if I found it odd, I just didn’t question it. Then my dad who has been living abroad as far as I can remember came home. I didn’t know or was sure if he was also as nervous meeting me as I was. I remember nights fantasizing how life would be like if my dad was around in my regular life. It was a novel idea to me and little did I know how the tables would turn on me. It was like I was being pulled away by such an enigmatic force, my feet unable to find steady ground to hook and sink into. I understood why he was away, I knew he lived far to provide for us, but was clueless to the bigger picture.
I remember being told to say my goodbyes and as a nine-year old who should I possibly be saying goodbye to indefinitely?
I remember getting in the car and looking for my grandma or my “apo” as I knew her confused and sad as why she didn’t want to say goodbye to me. Confused as to why my mom was crying, because isn’t she coming with us? Getting on a plane with my siblings and my dad whom I didn’t feel connected to and unprepared for the new normal waiting for me in California.
I remember being asked if I spoke English which is now funny to me as nobody thought to check before taking me into a new country. Luckily, that skill was hidden and when it came down to it I did know English.
Life was very different as I knew it. I couldn’t just go outside and play with the neighborhood kids, my mom wasn’t just in the next room or at work but a whole continent away. Suddenly it was my mom in the little screen in the computer and my dad was the constant presence. unprepared with no choice but to adapt. And adapt I did, and from then I think I never stopped changing to fit my environment.
The Ally & Lotus Land
Ally: The Universe
I am the force which is effected on to the world, making connections and taking care of the people who live within my realm of power. Those who believe that life is simply not just this, partaking in the whimsey of this illogical world. And as much as I am an omnipresent king who does not make my actions known except for those who understand the interconnectedness of everything, and watch over and protect the humans who have lost hope in their lives bogged down by the daily bustle of things yet still have a belief that things can change and there is as much power within themselves even without miraculous events. Those who see the little things as a gift and respite from the bigger challenges they are currently facing. My human, at such a tender age, I’ve witnessed go through challenges many know but remain unspoken. She remains resilient in the face of constant struggle. She has become hopeless and withdrawn from the world, only trusting herself and a higher being as without me, the meaning of these tests stay as just hardship and not growth as a person. She has been an island all to herself, captaining and rowing a lone ship amongst stormy seas. Yet there is belief in a better world and slowly she is learning that there are others for her not bound by familial duties but out of choice. I ask you to please place these wonderful people in her path and coax her out of her solitary shell. Show her how far the people in her life will journey for her and stand by her even if she feels lacking. Strengthen her belief by example and allow her to spread her joy and worries amongst the people in her life. Lift the heavy burdens she bears by providing her pillow of support to push through or fall back on.
Lotus Land
My first year of college was the first time I was entirely alone again. Traversing a new unknown world and once again I went into it blindly and with no expectations, only doing what was expected of me. Funnily enough, I don’t remember a lot from that first year. It was happy and was directionless but with a goal entrusted to me to do well to think of my parents. I faced a lot of criticisms regarding my chosen major, making me retreat further and put up a wall between my feelings and my outward expression in the real world. My roommate tells a funny story of being awoken by the smell of an aerosol dry shampoo, my perfume, and a cloud of smoke around me as I started my day by smoking, already cocooning myself from the world I was about to step foot into. I now realized I was numbing myself from my emotions unprepared from the onslaught of the gales were even cracked a little bit open. I regret not remembering much and preferring to be alone and high than making new friends as in my head I already had friends, they were just hundreds of miles away. I regret finishing the year with nothing much to show from it. I was confused and angry with myself because wasn’t I a high-achiever? Why was I letting my grades slip, not nurturing my relationship, joining gigs and clubs and making my presence known in Santa Barbara. I was content to be silenced and emotionless, dealing life as a joke with a general disregard to my future cause what was the point? In the end it was necessary for me sink so low and face unfamiliar challenges. I felt like a waste of money and attention and here I was squandering it all away with nobody to hear my voice as I also didn’t hear my own cries of help as I added another layer to my alarmingly enclosing walls.
The Monster’s Eye
My Cyclops’ Eye of Inferiority
Imposter syndrome, lack of encouragement in STEM, different upbringing, unpreparedness in college, underperforming in my interests
The monster writes:
I am the product of two cultures not by choice but of necessity.
I am among people who will not consider my plights before theirs. I must not lose myself.
I am holding on as tightly as I can.
Too tightly oas my children may say
I am no longer in my native country. I embrace the culture even stronger.
I impose these values onto my children.
I want them to know where they come from.
I pray dearly they’ll see it the way I do.
But maybe I’ve lost sight of why I was doing this. Rowing them further instead of inviting them in.
The rift grows bigger and I cling harder
Amplifying my voice even louder unable to hear others in my fear.
I pray we are able to find our way back. that’s it’s not too late and we can understand each other again.
We were once fighting the same fight, but I do not know when I was the only one still fighting. Looking back and watching helplessly as the string that tethered as frayed and snapped.
Lost and untethered, I wait us to find our way back to each other.
Scylla & Charybdis
Survival Tactics
My Scylla is distraction and escapism. To overcome her I must expect more from myself, dream bigger. I must have a goal and find a passion even if it’s not an endgoal to keep me motivated and be better, feel improvement by being in tune with my emotions and my body through mindfulness. As well as being clear with intentions and setting small goalposts to eventually realize my dreams.
My Charybdis is judgement, and how people in the world see and think of me. To overcome their challenge I must plant my feet deeper in the ground, stay true to myself and not change based on how others may see me. I don’t want to get lost in the views of others, I want to stand out for myself, uncompromising. To believe in myself harder even if it’s to ----- their thoguhts and perception of me. I know that in time if I just stay authentic to who I am, I will wholeheartedly believe this and drown out the naysayers.
The
To Coleen
You asked if I think I lived a fulfilled life. I know you only saw me in passing and for most of it I was in pain, getting picked up for various appointments, surgeries, or what not. My passing was sudden but not unexpected, I hope in my absence, my daughter finds peace and acceptance. She had to face things most girls her age could never have dreamed of. But I lived as best as I could with what I was given. My illness was a constant struggle but I never let that turn me bitter. I savored the moments I had with my loved ones, I continued to do things and enjoyed without letting my pain take control of my life. I was happy, surrounded by family in my last days and I couldn’t ask for a better way to have then than among them with good memories of me. I fought hard everyday for them and their unconditional support strengthened and carried me far I life.
The Ancestral Spirit
Dear Dad,
I didn’t know you before you were my dad. I didn’t know how you were like before me, your personality, I didn’t get to from the same bond that my brother and sister did before you were removed from my childhood.
I only know you strong and feel your hardships and even then you didn’t let yourself be know. I know it was hard hard for you to be a single dad raising three kids in a country you didn’t know. How hard you worked so we wouldn’t see the burden you carry on your back. But I could feel it, I know you want me to have everything I could ever had. You are the strongest person I’ve ever known and you did it all because of your great love for your family. I know that at my lowest point you would tell to pray and believe that everything will be better. I may not hold the same beliefs as you, but your hope and faith live in me. Instilled by your sacrifice and resilience. No matter what has happened or will happen you accomplished your goal. You brought your family together. From you, I learned to have love, hope even things were bleak. You’ve told me you worry about me more than my other siblings, but I want you to believe in me with the same strength you believe in God. I know I am not there yet but I am getting there. I want you to know I have goals and dream of my own and know that I must work hard to achieve them. Yet you are never out of the picture. My siren says to give in, plug my ears and let the world pass me by, with nothing to name.
Tribute & Ithaca
Tribute to my lovely roommate
Although we have not known each other for long we have lived together for almost three years. You have seen me as a stranger, friend, and eventually my sister. In the time I have lived with you, I can confidently say that you see me for who I really am and more. You have given me a space where I can share my worries and you shared your own unique perspective with the world. I thank you for believing in me and recognizing the strength behind my struggles. Even though we don’t have year-upon-year of memory and time together, you’ve shown me people will accept me for me. Your praise and faith in me gives me comfort and solidifies my confidence in myself and my choices. In my worst days, you were there just to be present and as you said “give me the tools I need to solve my own problems.” You are a positive and shining force to those around you and you have taught me to be kinder and to give other people chances. I’ve also seen you at your lowest and your care towards people remain even if they have hurt you. You allowed me to be more emotionally vulnerable and expanded my mind. If I could lead a life with just a quarter of your whimsey and wonder, I would be honored to have experienced it.
Ithaca
Home is filled with memories, of a kitchen filled with my brother, sisters, and me running around, causing chaos with our parents resigned. To our antics, of recent additions like Zeke and Olivia exploring their new unfamiliar terrain as they take their first steps. Of the place we all were forced to stay at for weeks on end during COVID, existing even when doing separate activities. Lately, home was not just felt like home at all.
I can feel the changes, small and imperceptible as they are but causing ripples to my reality. It no longer feels alive, roaring with music and laughter, and life. And acknowledging this, I know something has festered in the foundations. Too many things unraveled, too many people hurt but it is not too late. I want to reanimate my home and restore my connection.
The Hero
I, urge you
He is alone. He wanders all things hoping to be welcomed home. Many have hosted him, but none could help him, and none would keep him.
There is something that hunts him. Some days it is many paces behind him. Some days it is a foot away. Some days it’s on his back. Some days its hands are around his throat.
He runs, though he is weary and his legs are lead. He fights, though his skin is bruised and his hands are bloody.
He tries to love, though his heart is withered and calloused.
Show him a way, that his roaming may cease. Give him a path, that he may escape the thing that hunts him, and find solace at last.
The Monster’s Eye
I don’t know what possessed me to do it. I had fought with my music teacher for the thousandth time. But that fight wasn’t very special. My grades were fine. Sports were tolerable. But I just wanted to move on. Come to think of it, I don’t know why my mom agreed to let me try.
I auditioned. It went horribly. I couldn’t follow the accompaniment and I stopped partway through. I got in anyway, off of potential.
I felt like I was drowning for the first 6 weeks. I wondered every day if this would be the day that I quit. I don’t know what kept me going. I learned to swim soon enough.
When I got my grades back, I couldn’t believe it. I had expected just to pass, but my grades were almost unimprovable.
Thoughts of going back were just memories now. When I got good grades, all of a sudden I was now eying college. I never thought about college when I was at Frostig.
Assumption
Food is quite underrated as an addiction. It is quite bad for you, and on a shorter timescale than you might think. And that’s just your health. For all the talk of body positivity in recent years, most people don’t like fat people, and they certainly don’t find them attractive. It’s about as expensive as alcoholism or tobacco addiction, maybe even some drug addictions, if it’s bad enough.
Food has no high. You just think about the food all day and then you get it and you gobble it up and then there’s nothing. There’s nothing to distract you from the shame and the disgrace of what you have done to yourself. There’s nothing to console you as you go home.
With alcohol, you can avoid it completely if you’re trying to recover. With gambling, you can avoid it completely. But you have to eat, every day, for as long as you are alive.
I try to stimulate family activities. My family is naturally inclined towards solipsism, and I try to get us all to behave as a family when I can.
I am primarily responsible for the tortoises. It’s not easy.
I curse Matthew for his cowardice. So often could he help us, and yet he remains in bed, or affixed to his computer.
Ithaca
My siren says: worry about me. Think about me and maybe you can solve me. You can fix your sorry life, if you just come towards me and talk to me don’t look as I feed upon you. You’re winning, you’re winning, don’t look down, don’t look down. It will all be over soon.
Scylla(loneliness, obesity, depression, etc.): Medical help, Interaction with humans, Help of loved ones.
Chyribdis(Fear of world ending): Focus on today, put one foot in front of the other. Focus on what I can do. Ignore the world to the extent that I can.
Unconditional love is often spoken of as though it were gentle. Conditional love and unconditional love usually coexistst, and they are often mistaken for one another. Conditional love is pretty and happy and content. Unconditional love is usually angry, even hostile. Unconditional love is not forgiveness, it is not acceptance, it is not pride or shame. Unconditional love is love that can’t help itself, no matter how much it wants to. Unconditional love is bitter and exhausted and aggrieved. But it is still love, and it loves. This is what my mother gave me.
Home is stressful and relaxing at the same time. Home is where I want to escape to and escape from. Home is heaven and hell.
My Ithaca is a life I’m content with and proud of (relatively speaking).
The Hero
My life has been full of ups and downs. I used to have a very naive and unrealistic idea when I was very young that once I got through a certain period of time my life was going to be full of happiness. I’ve been looking forward to this day since I was a kid. But it never came, and it even felt farther and farther away. As a result, I have taken many detours and been frustrated many times.
I have been a naughty child since I was born. I have run into countless disasters, suffered countless beatings from my parents, suffered discrimination and prejudice from various teachers. This was my daily life in elementary school, just getting beaten. After entering middle school, the surrounding environment made it impossible for me to continue to be naughty because everyone was working hard to get to a better high school. So I started to get lonely because I felt like I didn’t fit in with the people and things around me. Of course, in addition to loneliness, I also experienced all kinds of things in junior high school.
I can say without exaggeration that it is because of that experience in junior high school that I have never been afraid of anything in the rest of my life because they are far less difficult than the things I experienced in junior high school. In high school, I began to become disciplined and think of ways to improve myself. I started working out and training like crazy for basketball. I also began to form a good habit of reading. In high school, I improved both mentally and physically. Then I left my hometown where I had lived for many years and went to study far away. I went to Beijing, and then I came to America.
I also experienced a lot of hardships and setbacks in the United States, but I always insist on moving forward. I am currently continuing to work in my passion for theatre. My story is not finished. My name is Qirui, and I am the man who will laugh at everything.
The Adventure’s Map
This picture is a good reflection of my life, especially my basketball life. I have been playing basketball since junior high school, but because I am not so tall and strong, I am easy to be bullied by other players. They looked down on me, they laughed at me, they wouldn’t even let me play with them because I was so bad at basketball. However, my passion and love kept me from giving up and kept me going forward.
I knew I couldn’t physically overcome those tough players so I wanted to work on my dribbling and shooting. Because these two skills can be learned through hard work. I go to the basketball court every day without stopping. I was the first one to get up from the dorm because I would go to practice on the court. I was the last one back in the dorm because I would go to practice on the court. I gave up my lunch time every day to practice on the court.
Finally, about a year later, I realized one day that I was different. I dribble like Kyrie Irving, I shoot like a Stephen Curry. In one practice, I anklebreak the man who used to laugh at me the most. After that, he never laughed at me again. In the future, I may encounter more ridicule and difficulties, but I am not afraid because being underrated is my biggest motivation. I enjoy disappointing people who want me to fail.
The Monster’s Eye & The Ally’s Letter
This is your best friend from junior high. It’s been a long time since we’ve seen each other. I hope you’re well. I just want to check that you’re living up to those dreams you told me about, which is theater. We used to do a lot of funny things together whether it was intentional or not. These humorous things will lay a solid foundation for you to do comedy later on. I still remember the confusion and confusion when you put down your face to consult me on what college major I should choose. We had a great chat and I encouraged you to go ahead. Do you remember what I said to you? A lot of people are trying to be funny but only you can make us laugh. I hope this inspires you. If there is a dream then it is worth a try. Come on, brother.
I hope you’re well. And I sincerely wish you success in pursuing your dreams.
The Fallen Warrior
My fallen warrior was myself in the last few months. I was working on a project a few months ago but it was a group project rather than an individual project. Given the need to work with people then this means that I definitely need to sacrifice and change some of my own ideas and things that I am used to. I made a lot of sacrifices, I expended a lot of energy, I expended a lot of money, and so on. Everything I do is for one purpose only: to want this collective project to be as good as possible. However, I made the ultimate sacrifice and the result I got was the most painful. No one appreciated my work, no one recognized my work, no one even said thank you to me at the end. I have sacrificed countless amounts of my own personal time and possessions to this group since I am a person who takes responsibility very seriously. But in the end I got the worst result of all. I did all I could for the collective according to all the standards required. But they don’t seem to appreciate it and even think it’s my job to serve them. I was very hurt at that time.
I thought I was a warrior in the process of making these sacrifices but it turns out I’ve been knocked down. It’s been a while since that time, and if this fallen warrior could give me any advice, it would be: Never give your all for anything again. Be guarded against everyone and don’t reveal all your true thoughts.
The Ancerstor’s Spirit
I want to write to myself in the 2020 pandemic. Dear Epidemic Version Qirui, how are you doing? I hope you’re well. I admired you at that time. You were smart, planned, disciplined, strong, committed, goal-oriented, visionary, creative, and so on. In addition to not growing in height, you seemed to improve yourself in every way. When you faced the turning point of your life, you were so calm, and in the end, you used your passion and courage to write a different path. Now, I have encountered some confusion, I hope you can help me find the right direction and let me go forward as before.
