El Ojo del Mar - July 2011 by Roberto Rojas

Saw you in the Ojo

FEATURE ARTICLES

COVER STORY

David Harper goes back in time to learn how another American president handled a war that was far more crucial to the United States than the two wars that the country is currently waging.

COVER STORY

Index...

VOLUME 2 NUMBER 12  D IR EC T OR Y  PUBLISHER Richard Tingen

EDITOR-IN-CHIEF Alejandro Grattan-Domínguez Tel: 01-800-765-3788

6 Cover by Dani Newcomb

MODERN MATURITY

Margaret Van Every deals with an extremely somber subject and like so many of our contributors, finds the humor in the most unlikely places.

BEACH-FRONT RUMINATIONS

Duncan Aldric waxes philosophically about a special beach in Mexico that he thinks is located on a special energy point found at various places on Earth.

MEXICAN CURRENCY

Victoria Schmidt has fun dwelling on the special nature of Mexican currency, and believes the paper money looks and feels like Monopoly money. Luckily, it’s worth a great deal more.

COLORFUL CHARACTERS

Jeannie Weiner has always thought that Hollywood, California is the Offbeat Character Capitol of the World—but now realizes that it has nothing on Puerto Vallarta.

MYSTERIOUS DIASAPPEARANCES

Bob Tennison relates the tale of a grandmother who once entered Mexico on a six-month visa and never returned to her own country. It’s complicated.

CLASSIFIEDS

decide you can’t live without it after all).

As you wind up the spring housecleaning, and wonder what to do with the 3 boxes of stuff you never use anymore, consider advertising it in the Ojo Classifieds. The Classifieds are free, they are also displayed on-line, and they are simple to set up. Go to the Classifieds at www.elojodelmar. com and follow the instructions to list your items. You can also modify your ad yourself (for example, if you decide to add a second item), or delete it (once it’s sold, or you

Each month we extract the items in the website and print them in the Classified section of the magazine. You can follow the same procedure to find second-hand items that you need, or good deals that will re-fill those boxes you just emptied.

El Ojo del Mar / July 2011

Associate Publisher David Tingen Director of Marketing Bruce Fraser Graphic Design Roberto C. Rojas Jazmin Eliosa Associate Editor Jim Tipton Contributing Editor Paul Jackson Contributing Editor Mark Sconce Staff Photographer Xill Fessenden Staff Writers Ilse Hoffmann Floyd Dalton Sales Manager Bruce Fraser 333 559 2046 info@elojodelmar.com Office Secretary Iliana Oregel

ADVERTISING OFFICE Calle Niza #152, Puerto Vallarta Send all correspondence, subscriptions or advertising to: El Ojo del Mar www.elojodelmar.com info@elojodelmar.com Ave. Hidalgo 223 (or Apartado 279), 45900 Chapala, Jalisco Tels.: (376) 765 3676, Fax 765 3528 PRINTING: El Debate El Ojo del Mar aparece los primeros cinco días de cada mes. (Out over the first five days of each month) Certificado de Licitud de Título 3693 Certificado de Licitud de Contenido 3117. Reserva al Título de Derechos de Autor 04-2007-111412131300-102 Control 14301. Permisos otorgados por la Secretaría de Gobernación (EXP. 1/432 “88”/5651 de 2 de junio de 1993) y SEP (Reserva 171.94 control 14301) del 15 de enero de 1994. Distribución: Calle Niza #152, Puerto Vallarta All contents are fully protected by copyright and may not be reproduced without the written consent of El Ojo del Mar. Opinions expressed by the authors do not necessarily reflect the views of the Publisher or the Editor, nor are we responsible for the claims made by our advertisers. We welcome letters, which should include name, address and telephone number.

By Alejandro Grattan A Life Well-Justified

recounted in a poem, when a prison official walked him to the door, Ross, he told me with a look of disgust written all over his smarmy mush, you never learned how to be a prisoner. I can’t think of a greater epitaph, nor of a more magnificent life lived to its absolute hilt—and of such stuff are heroes made. John Ross will forevermore be one of mine.

ALEJANDRO GRATTAN is a former screenwriter/ film director who has published seven novels. Two of his novels are in over 1000 libraries in the US and Canada. He co-founded the Ajijic Writers’ Group 23 years ago and has been the Editor of El Ojo del Lago for the past 16 years. grattan@prodigy.net.mx

here is a line in the Bible (one of the very few that I can remember!) that says something The late John Ross about how lucky that man is “who can walk into his own house justirights. In the chamber, Ross recalled fied.” an appearance before the Board 40 Recently, I had cause to rememyears before, when he was dragged ber that line when a friend sent me from the same room for disturbing an obituary notice about a fellow the peace. He blamed an “attack” by ex-pat I never met—but now will the San Francisco Police Department forever regret that I was not fortufor the loss of his left eye. Ross told nate enough to have known him. It the Board, “Death was on our plate” would have been an honor to shake when he went to Baghdad as a huhis hand. man shield during U.S. bombing. The obituary was written by Mary “Life, like reporting, is a kind of Jo McConahay and reads in part as death sentence,” he follows: Journalist, investigative poet “Life, like reporting, said. “Pardon me for and social activ- is a kind of death sen- having lived it so fully.” ist John Ross died In 2010, under peacefully today at tence,” he said. “ParLake Pátzcuaro in don me for having treatment for liver cancer, he toured Mexico, where he lived it so fully.” nationally with “El had lived on and off Monstruo: True Tales for the past 50 years. of Dread & Redemption in Mexico He was 72. The cause was liver cancer. City,” already a cult classic, using a A national award-winning author handheld magnifying glass to read of ten books, fiction and nonfiction, his words before packed audiences. Ross received the American Book One of the earliest resisters of the Award (1995) for “Rebellion from Vietnam War, Ross spent two and a the Roots: Zapatista Uprising in Chihalf years as a prisoner of conscience apas,” and the coveted Upton Sinclair in a federal penitentiary for refusAward (2005) for “Murdered by Capiing the draft. Upon his release, he talism: 150 Years of Life and Death on the American Left.” The first journalist to bring news of the indigenous Mexican Zapatista revolution to English-speaking readers, Ross was widely regarded as a “voice for those without a voice,” who stood with the poor and oppressed in his brilliantly stylized writing, suffering beatings and arrests during many nonviolent protests. An iconoclast who took every chance to afflict the comfortable and educate the public, in 2009 Ross turned down honors from the San Francisco Board of Supervisors, which had praised him for telling “stories nobody else could or would tell,” and as an organizer for tenants’

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LINCOLN AND THE COPPERHEADS —Yesterday and Today By David A. Harper

emocrats and RepubliAnti-war protestors disrupted recans, left and right, are cruiting and some of the press spread separated by many isfalse rumors in their support and magsues but opposition to war has been nified Confederate successes and minone of the most basic principals of imized Union successes in the field. the Democratic left in the USA since In the South such action would have the party was first been considered seformed circa 1800. Against this backdrop ditious and therefore It first became vitri- Lincoln did illegally it did not happen. In olic when the Civil the North, those opWar started. Activ- override the Constitu- posing the war and ists hurled hateful tion a number of times. the newspapers supwords about and atporting them were tempted to sabotage the war effort in called “Copperheads.” They did much the North. Lincoln, a Republican, was damage to the war effort both psycalled, among other things: liar, monchologically and physically. ster, despot, fiend, ignoramus, monLincoln was unsure how best to key, etc. (Sound familiar?) handle this problem. Mindful of First

El Ojo del Mar / July 2011

Amendment rights he was handicapped in a time of war while his opponent had no such restrictions (familiar?). On the subject he said: “Must I shoot a simple soldier boy who deserts, while I must not touch a hair of a wily agitator who induces him to desert?” Against this backdrop Lincoln did illegally override the Constitution a number of times. His governing principal was that a nation must be able to protect itself against expression that causes insubordination or actually obstructs the raising of armies. When the Copperhead press deliberately printed a lie saying that the Lincoln administration had decided to draft (familiar?) 400,000 men it caused draft riots in New York that had to be put down by the army. As a result Lincoln ordered the New York newspapers, the Journal of Commerce and the World to be closed and had their owners imprisoned. General Burnside, military commander in Ohio, also had the Chicago Times shut down. Lincoln illegally suspended the writ of habeas corpus three times during the war. Fortunately there was no ACLU then. One of the leading Copperheads, former congressman Clement Vanlandigham was arrested on General Burnside’s orders after making a speech against the war and denouncing “King” Lincoln in very unsavory terms. He was tried by military tribunal and sentenced to two years imprisonment. Lincoln decided to commute his sentence to “banishment” to the Confederate states. He survived the war and even ran unsuccessfully for Governor of Ohio. Interestingly he died in 1871 when he accidentally shot himself with a gun he thought unloaded. He was defending a client accused of murder and intended to prove that the man who had been killed had killed himself accidentally while taking a gun out of his pocket. In demonstrating this to his colleagues in a

hotel room he shot himself and died from the wound. The defendant was found not guilty and so it could literally be said that the lawyer gave his life for his client! General U. S. Grant was also bitter about the copperheads as he had to use troops from the front to guard prisoners in the north from copperheads who planned to release and arm them. In his memoirs he wrote, “The copperhead disreputable portion of the press magnified rebel successes and belittled those of the Union army. The North would have been much stronger with a hundred thousand of these men in the Confederate ranks and the rest of their kind thoroughly subdued, just as Union sentiment was in the South.” Today, First Amendment rights and the ACLU protect all those who wish to damage the war efforts in Iraq and Afghanistan and attack US Presidents with lies and innuendo. Leaks that damage the US image abroad are somehow considered acceptable, unless of course created by a foreigner. The recent leaks produced by the Australian editor in chief of WikiLeaks, Julian Assange, have been attacked as damaging to the war effort and his arrest has been proposed. But has anything done more damage than the USA’s own press in plastering Abu Ghraib pictures all over the world? Or hammering away at the illegality of the Guantanamo prison and the failure to give dangerous terrorists held there habeas corpus rights? As Walt Kelly’s Pogo famously said, “We have met the enemy and he is us.”

DAVID HARPER was born and educated in England. Worked and resided in Hong Kong, Panama and South Africa. A US citizen, he retired in 2008, and moved to Mexico where he met and married Susan.

The Poets’ Niche By Mark Sconce msconce@gmail.com Lord Byron, Childe of Passion

ime spent pouring over poems and their poets has convinced me of one thing certain: Any attempt to discover a connection between a poet’s behavior here on earth with the sublimity or beauty or sensitivity of his or her poetry is quite likely to fail. This month’s poet amply supports that finding. Byron’s short 37 years were filled with financial scandal after sexual scandal after-- including but not limited to incest with half-sister, Augusta. “Mad, bad—and dangerous to know,” said one jilted lady. He made Buttafuoco, even Casanova, look like pikers, yet was among England’s best ever poets, a very Romantic poet indeed! Of “Mad, bad—and dan- the course it works other way, too. Take a poet gerous to know,” said like Guest—Eddie Guest who led an one jilted lady. exemplary life but wrote such god awful poetry back in the 30s that my dear mother, rest her soul, was driven to say, along with Dorothy Parker: “I’d rather flunk my Wassermann Test than read the poems of Eddie Guest.” Distant relative of Charles the First, Lord Byron (no one called him George) had an ambivalent take on the aristocracy—at once, one of them, but contemptuous of so many of them. The pressure they exerted finally forced Byron to flee the country in 1816, never to return.

But the poor dog, in life the firmest friend, The first to welcome, foremost to defend, Whose honest heart is still his master’s own, Who labours, fights, lives, breathes for him alone, Unhonour’d falls, unnoticed all his worth-Denied in heaven the soul he held on earth: While Man, vain insect! hopes to be forgiven, And claims himself a sole exclusive Heaven. And from one of his most quoted poems: She walks in beauty, like the night Of cloudless climes and starry skies; And all that’s best of dark and bright Meet in her aspect and her eyes; Thus mellowed to that tender light Which heaven to gaudy day denies. P.S. For those who care about such things: To those who maintain that Byron had a club foot, please know that recent medical investigation and evidence reveal that the deformity resulted from a case of spina bifida. Despite that deformity, he swam the Hellespont, after Leander, in a remarkable time of one hour and ten minutes.

MARK SCONCE--Antiochian, Nepal Peace Corps Volunteer, Berkeley Journalism Student, International Model Agent, Pushkin Aficionado, Poet, Writer.

Adieu, adieu! my native shore Fades o’er the waters blue; The Night- winds sigh, the breakers roar, And shrieks the wild sea-mew. Yon Sun that sets upon the sea We follow in his flight; Farewell awhile to him and thee, My native Land - Good Night! Sojourning in many countries, particularly in the Levant, the shores of the Aegean, he died of a fever contracted in Missolonghi, Greece in 1824 at the age of 37 while fighting for Greek independence from Turkey. By then he had completely captivated the world with his good looks, his heroic air (Byronic) and of course his amazing poetry beginning with Childe Harold’s Pilgrimage and ending with Don Juan, considered by critics his most artistically successful. But there were many, many lyric poems in-between, and we here have just a little room for some of the most famous. First, for you writers: But words are things, and a small drop of ink, Falling like dew, upon a thought, produces That which makes thousands, perhaps millions, think; ‘Tis strange, the shortest letter which man uses Instead of speech, may form a lasting link Of ages; to what straits old Time reduces Frail man, when paper - even a rag like this - , Survives himself, his tomb, and all that’s his. from Don Juan If you love dogs, you love Byron. Remember this excellent excerpt from the Inscription on the Monument to his dear dog, Boatswain:

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Joyful Musings By Joy Birnbach Dunstan, MA, LPC, MAC The Times They Are A’Changin’

y mom tells me the right over the 8-track phase), and I world feels like it is industriously recorded my albums changing too fast for onto tape. That project wasn’t even her to make sense of it anymore. I complete when CDs took over. Now used to look at her like she’d dropped I don’t even bother owning music; I in from another planet. It all looked just “stream” audio from somewherenormal enough to me. out-there. The drug culture of the ’60s Years ago, I worked as a typefrightened her as she struggled with setter. That’s a career that has gone raising two adventurous teenagers. obsolete in today’s digitized world. Magical mystery trips on exotic halHow many of you worked a job that lucinogens were way more frightenhas gone the way of the dinosaur? ing than the alcohol that flowed at With the increasing insanity in sociher own teenage parties. ety these days, at least my career as a There is a constant barrage of psychologist is not likely to go obsonews about abuse and violence. lete any time soon! Mom grew up hearing news on I’ve had a quote from Ogden the radio or reading about it in the Nash taped to my keyboard for many newspaper in black years: “Progress and white. Seeing “Progress might have might have been graphic video of right once, but been all right once, all these events in livit has gone on too ing color almost as but it has gone on too long.” Oh, how true! they happen makes long.” There’s only so much the world look change and innovamuch more scary than the world she tion a human being can accept and grew up in. accommodate. Maybe that’s the real And nowadays, technology is reason we have limited life-spans. pretty much unavoidable. Mom has There’s a mounting number of had a cell phone for years (my brothnew things that baffle me these days er insists she carry one for emerand make my head spin. It often feels gencies), but she still can’t retrieve like my head is full and just can’t her voicemail or program anyone’s manage another “upgrade.” When I phone number. She wouldn’t convisit the States, newspapers are filled sider using a computer until she diswith ads for stuff I can’t even idencovered online bridge. She’s adapted tify. Pretty soon, the newspapers some since then, but only minimally. themselves are likely to disappear. She still doesn’t surf the web or send I’m constantly asking my son what personal emails (it takes forever to something is or getting his help to type using only two fingers), but make it work. He looks at me like I even without calling her, I now rest just dropped in from another planet. easy knowing she’s alive and well I wonder how long it will still all look each day as I receive her many fornormal to him? warded jokes and stories. For years, I adapted and embraced a brave new world. Change was welcome and exciting. And for the most part, it still is. To a point. But I’m getting tired of it myself these JOY DUNSTAN is a fully-acdays. The number of changes I’ve credited therapist. She and seen come and go is mind-boggling. her husband Terry have I once had a large collection of lived in Mexico for many records (remember those?). Then evyears. joy@dunstan.org erything went to cassette (I skipped

El Ojo del Mar / July 2011

THAT SPECIAL TIME OF LIFE By Margaret Van Every margaret.vanevery@gmail.com

gg cells peak numerically during the embryo’s 20th week of gestation at around 6 or 7 million, after which they dramatically degenerate and decline in number throughout a woman’s life. Only about 500 cells are actually used for potential fertilization, and at menopause only a few thousand remain. Since peddlers caught wind that menopause is a market, they’ve coined a pretty phrase for it— “that special time of life.” What’s special about it is that a woman runs out of eggs, and her body runs amok when all the eggs are gone. Does she miss the eggs? Hell no, she never saw one unless the thing was zapped. For forty years she’d see the bloody wash that flushed the eggs away, the corks and rags. Nonetheless, some say she grieves when all the eggs are gone—grieves she’ll see the bloody messenger no more, grieves for lost potential. But this is a special time of life, they say. Could this be what they mean: for want of estrogen her bones will thin, her back bow, her privates atrophy, and she may be incontinent, a fancy word for needing diapers. Flashes, sweats, and migraines, too, make this a special time, but not to worry, she’s not sick, she’s changing. Hairs on her head may take a mind to go and leave her bald; those hanging on, lose luster, turn gray. Whiskers will sprout where never seen before. Wrinkles, wens, and spots will force character on this woman’s face, before so bland. Her arteries will harden, mental functions blur, and equal at last with men, she’ll be at risk of heart disease in all its forms. During this special time, if husband or lover views The Change with patience, sex could be a blast, there being no concern for pregnancy or prophylaxis. Children grown and gone, the bedroom’s finally safe for sex, the sanctuary dreamed of all those years. The problem is, the lady out of eggs may be out of something else— desire, because ‘t was hormones all along that made her like it so and now she can’t seem to give a fuck, plus the prick in question may not find the sagging flesh and shriveled parts appealing. So, what’s a prick to do that has its own depletion woes, running out of juice and jazz, running out and down? Take heart. You see, it’s his special time of life, as well. This simultaneous coming apart is part of nature’s plan for golden years. How sweet it is to come of age together and fall downhill like Jack and Jill, hand in hand, and laugh the whole way down—that is, till someone breaks a crown.

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BRIDGE B RIDGE B BY Y THE THE SEA S EA By Ken Masson masson.ken@gmail.com

ne of the first adages aspiring bridge players learn is “Eight Ever, Nine Never.” This refers to the best way to play suit combinations when

El Ojo del Mar / July 2011

you hold 8 or 9 cards in a suit missing the queen. The theory is that with just 8 cards you should always finesse for her majesty but when you hold 9 cards you should play for the drop. But like many things in bridge – as in life – there are exceptions and it would have been beneficial to the declarer of this month’s hand to be aware of them. The bidding was competitive which always leads to some uncertainty as to what the final contract should be. East passed in first seat and South opened 1 heart. West took advantage of the vulnerability to make a weak jump overcall of 2 spades and this put North on the spot. With 11 high card points and four hearts North had to decide whether to make a conservative bid of 3 hearts or the more aggressive 4 hearts. Even though the queen of spades was of dubious value on the auction, North decided to take a shot at the heart game. East pondered whether to enter the fray by bidding 4 spades which could have been a good non-vulnerable save against 4 hearts but decided that with 2 aces and the trump queen there was a reasonable chance of defeating South’s contract, so he passed. West led the jack of spades, which would not have been everyone’s choice, but with East holding the Ace, no harm was done. When the jack held the trick, West continued with a spade which was ruffed

by declarer. Without much further thought, South led a small trump to dummy’s ace and another one back to his king, only to get the bad news that the “nine never” maxim had failed him this time. Even with careful play from then on, declarer lost a trick in each suit (he took the normal club finesse, losing to the doubleton queen). What South had failed to take into consideration was the fact that West’s bid of 2 spades altered the probability of where the queen of hearts might be. The theory of vacant spaces states that when the distribution of one or more suits is known, the probability that an opponent holds a particular card in any other suit is proportional to the number of vacant spaces remaining in his hand. Therefore, any missing card is more likely to be with the opponent who is known to hold fewer cards in another suit. Thus, with West having shown a probable 6 card spade suit (leaving 3 spades in the East), there are 10 vacant spaces in the East hand versus only 7 in the West, making the odds in favor of finessing East for the queen of hearts. Of course, if West had opened the bidding at the one level, or made a takeout double, it might have been necessary to place the queen of hearts with him to justify his bidding. That’s what makes this game endlessly fascinating! Questions or comments: email: masson.ken@gmail.com

KEN MASSON has been playing, teaching and writing about bridge for 35 years. Originally from Dublin, Ireland, Ken has been living in Toronto since 1967. He and his wife and bridge partner, Rosemarie, are now in their third year wintering in Mexico.

LAUGHING L AUGHIN NG B BEACH: EACH: H Healer ealer & Friend By Duncan Aldric

tanding at the threshocean, I can still swim these days if old of where the water I am careful about the riptide and churns and toils to break cycles of waves. down, over centuries, the sand You see, where I swim is between that is the edge of the beach that two sets of outcropped rocks. The has become my friend and healer, currents, riptides and eddies can be I allow my body to be pulled and a bit daunting but with care, I can pushed, urged and cajoled back think of no more powerful mediand forth and even side to side. cine for healing everything from Today, the waves are slow, long arthritis and disintegrated discs and only about four or five feet high. to mental agitation caused by the What is special about today, as evhate and blame of the selfish in the ery day here is special in some difworld. Spiritual growth is the gift ferent way, the waves and tide and of this friend I call Laughing Beach. sand have all worked to provide a Nature is filled with these places of “ditch” in the sand where the waves healing and beauty. don`t “break” in a long row, they My roommate, Sasquatch, of churn and roll in place, each wave whom you have heard me speak befor several seconds, allowing you to fore, thinks that this beach is locatstand in place and feel the actions ed on a special energy point found of the wave act upon you for secat various places on the Earth. He onds at a time. Healthy movement also thinks, based on the similar sizfor mind, body and spirit. es and shapes of some of the rock There is no one else on the beach outcroppings, that this used to be a except a white dog, location whereupnot yet fully mature Nature is filled with on was once built a but with a gifted these places of heal- temple. nature of loyalty, It is my undering and beauty. play, trust and comstanding that the radeship—and recognition, she is water, now brown and somewhat not mine but if I ride my bike into sick looking, was, not more than a town and she is there with her owncouple of generations ago, bright er, she spots me from afar and runs aqua blue, the result of a thriving to greet me every time (sometimes reef that has since been ripped stopping traffic in the process!)). out for various human activities She is resting after I spent some having nothing to do with loving time wrestling with her and throwthe planet, loving others nor giving a coconut into the ocean for her ing thanks—and everything to do to retrieve. Though I try to keep an with lining the pocket book. What eye on her (I am trying to break her a change has undergone this place, of the habit of digging up crabs to still so willing to offer friendship chase (in play) because she doesn`t and health to me, an interloper. understand that the crab is harmed Imagine, if you will, a people neiand often killed by this), I am nonether governed by men nor women theless pulled into the breath of the but rather by goodness, who spend ocean. their lives sharing the land and Shenna, a scientist/surfer friend ocean, doing nothing knowingly of mine, has taught me to listen for to destroy or harm either and dothe breath of the ocean. And wow, ing everything to give thanks and the ocean DOES breathe… in cycles honor. Who toil for no other reaand cycles within cycles. Some days son than to eat and to create art the waves, at times, are simply too by building temples at points of giant for me to swim, but having great energy to heal the poor of learned to feel the breath of the spirit, body and soul. And, perhaps

most importantly, to simply give acknowledgment and gratitude for the beauty and bounty that is this Earth and Sky.

DUNCAN ALDRIC Born and raised in Virginia, BA in Philosophy and a BS in Telecommunication Media. Professional horse trainer. 20 years motorcycle enthusiast, five years total time living in Mexico. Currently writing a novel.

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Wondrous Wildlife By Vern and Lori Geiger err Toadzilla

exico is home to some of the tiniest wild creatures and to some of the largest, but this guy truly is king of toad family. The Giant Toad also known as the Cane Toad or Marine Toad is one of the largest toads in the world and is the largest species in its family. These guys weigh in at four to five pounds and grow up to nine inches in diameter. Thankfully the myth that toads can give you warts is just that, a myth; or one could get a whopper of a wart from these guys. The giant toad can be found from Texas to Peru, Giant Toads are not picky

toad or should we say the â&#x20AC;&#x153;Orkin Toadâ&#x20AC;? keeps pests in their place. They are a huge help to the agriculture industry as they clear out hoards of insects that would otherwise destroy crops. Australia, Hawaii, and Florida to mention a few have imported them to control pest populations that were destroying sugar cane crops, hence the name Cane Toad. Toads are amphibians, so they can be found on dry land or in water. The female is bigger than the male, but that seems to be the only difference between the two genders. The skin is reddish-brown to greeneaters and will consume just about evish-brown across the back, covered in erything they find. They will even eat many hard warts, and light gray, yelpet food left out around residential low, or white, on the underbelly. Reproareas, as well as, carrion, and garbage. duction in the Giant Toad is quite interThey have also been s rel released leased d esting in that either known to eat snakes, This venom iis sex is capable of egg birds, and small over the skin in as a de-- laying. Male toads mammals, such as fense mechanism anism as itt have an ovary that mice. Their primary become active if ake a pred-- will food source, howev- will often make something happens er, is insects, includ- ator sick if the toad is s to damage the tesing ants, termites, ticle. Toads breed all crickets, and beetles. eaten. year long, and each Because of their voracious appefemale can produce two clutches of tite these toads have been introduced eggs each year. Females will lay anyas a natural pest controller, the giant where from 8000 to 35,000 eggs at

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a time; though few survive to adulthood. Only 0.5% of these toadlets will live to reach maturity, which is one to two years of age. Amazingly, the eggs may hatch anywhere from one day to a week. The tadpoles have a tendency to gather together underwater, feeding and swimming, and this makes them vulnerable to predators. It takes about two months for them to develop into a small toad. Although they may seem quite defenseless they do have a resource to make them an undesirable meal. They have large sacs, called parotid glands, over the shoulders that are filled with venom. This venom is released over the skin as a defense mechanism as it will often make a predator sick if the toad is eaten. Giant Toads are able to expel the venom quite a distance, and it comes out as a thick, white substance that can cause paralysis, blindness, and even death, depending upon the species involved. In Modern times the toadâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s toxins have been used in new ways; in Japan as a hair restorer and in China during cardiac surgery to lower the heart rates of patients.

By Victoria Schmidt

Mexican Currency

admit it. I am dumbfounded by the currency of Mexico, coming from the USA where all currency was green and on cotton fiber and uniform size for the notes, and the coins while in various sizes, were uniform in color. The currency from my first trip to the ATM in Mexico reminded me of Monopoly money. The bills were various sizes, different colors and some of it felt like plastic. As I began to accumulate them, the coins themselves were even more confusing. There were several different sizes but everything looks incredibly alike. The 1¢, 2¢ and 5¢ all looked the same to me at first glance, and I was constantly confused about the $10 peso coin and the 10¢ coin until I realized the $10 peso coin was big, and therefore worth more. Duh. But now, nearly four years later, I have additional conundrums. Why does the Bank of Mexico reissue money so frequently? There are two different sizes of $100 and $200 pesos notes…and several different designs. One design has no real obverse or reverse. Some $200 peso notes have what looks like statues on both sides. And the $500 peso notes have two different men on two different notes, and one has a woman on the opposite side. But at least so far, the colors have stayed consistent. However, what drives me round the bend are the centavos! The newest issues of the 10¢ and 20¢ are the worst. They look like tiny buttons! The printing is so small I can’t tell the difference between the 10¢ and 20¢, because the size seems virtually the same—miniscule! I can’t even see them when I drop them on the floor! Like everyone else in Mexico, I have that container where I collect the coins that are useless to carry, and wonder what I will do with them as they mount in numbers. Personally, I think the

centavos are getting smaller because it costs more to produce them than they are actually worth. Ever curious, I looked up the content of the 1992 series 10¢. Ready? They’re made of stainless steel, chromium, nickel, carbon, silicon manganese, sulfur, phosphorous and iron. Who knew so many items of the periodic table of elements could be fused into a tiny coin? I don’t know what the more recent issues are made of, but I think the final products are more valuable as products used in arts and craft projects. Maybe they could be used to form chainmail. No one I’ve met seems to be thrilled with these little nuisances. Most businesses round up or down to the nearest 50¢. Fine by me. Banks only take them because they have to, and did you know that Mexico doesn’t use those wonderful little paper rolls to organize their coins? Nope. They use scotch tape. Imagine the dexterity it takes to roll ten 10¢ coins together? Those little buggers roll everywhere, and are so small they could be lost under a fingernail! Imagine being the unlucky employee at the bank that must roll those coins. I bet the tape is worth more than the coins by the time they get done with them! Since most businesses seem to round to the nearest 50¢ perhaps the 10¢ and 20¢ should be permanently retired from circulation. Until then, I’m moving my stash into the empty fivegallon water bottle!

In 2002, we’re dealing with the syndrome of looking as though we’re not wearing a bra at all.

VICTORIA SCHMIDT was a systems supervisor for several documentary film companies. She and her husband Tom moved to Mexico from the Mid-West a few years ago. She has contributed several articles to technical magazines in the US.

Saw you in the Ojo

The Gospel According to Will Rogers

ill Rogers, who died in a 1935 plane crash with his best friend, Wylie Post, was probably the greatest political sage the US ever has known. Enjoy the following: 1. Never slap a man who’s chewing tobacco. 2. Never kick a cow chip on a hot day. 3. There are two theories to arguing with a woman. Neither works. 4. Never miss a good chance to shut up. 5. Always drink upstream from the herd.

6. If you find yourself in a hole, stop digging. 7. The quickest way to double your money is to fold it and put it back into your pocket. 8. There are three kinds of men: The ones that learn by reading. The few who learn by observation. The rest of them have to pee on the electric fence and find out for themselves. 9. Good judgment comes from experience, and a lot of that comes from bad judgment. 10. If you’re riding’ ahead of the herd, take a look back every now and then to make sure it’s still there.

El Ojo del Mar / July 2011

11. Lettin’ the cat outta the bag is a whole lot easier’n puttin’ it back. 12. After eating an entire bull, a mountain lion felt so good he started roaring. He kept it up until a hunter came along and shot him. The moral: When you’re full of bull, keep your mouth shut. ABOUT GROWING OLDER... First ~ Eventually you will reach a point when you stop lying about your age and start bragging about it. Second ~ The older we get, the fewer things seem worth waiting in line for. Third ~ Some people try to turn back their odometers. Not me. I want people to know why I look this way. I’ve traveled a long way, and some of the roads weren’t paved. Fourth ~ When you are dissatisfied and would like to go back to youth, think of Algebra. Fifth ~ You know you are getting old when everything either dries up or leaks. Sixth ~ I don’t know how I got over the hill without getting to the top. Seventh ~ One of the many

things no one tells you about aging is that it is such a nice change from being young. Eighth ~ One must wait until evening to see how splendid the day has been. Ninth ~ Being young is beautiful, but being old is comfortable. Tenth ~ Long ago, when men cursed and beat the ground with sticks, it was called witchcraft. Today it’s called golf. And, finally ~ If you don’t learn to laugh at trouble, you won’t have anything to laugh at when you are old.

RHYTHMS OF THE NIGHT By Jeannie Weiner

he road, once dusty, is now large room, he bellows, “Want to go on a paved in stone, but the three day fishing cruise?” tiny, clean coffee shop is “No thanks.” still across from the sign, “NO TIMEThe man leans sideways. I notice his SHARE, DISCOUNTS, WHALE WATCHeyes are deep blue in a sea of red. As he ING, SUNSET CRUISES.” leans forward, I hope his dangling cigaAs I sit savoring rette doesn’t burn me. the coffee and eating When he pulls his shirt “Want to see my my favorite sandwich over his face and flints tattoos?” with scrambled egg, “I’m not much of a jalapenos, onions and it across the room, the tattoo person.” tomatoes, I chat with small area erupts. When he pulls the owner, telling her his shirt over his face I’m grateful she’s in business during and flints it across the room, the small these down times. After paying her, I area erupts. Keys, cigarettes and loose walk across the road to Scot’s Tours. change scatter on the cement floor. As “How much for the Rhythms of the his head reappears, he grins and edges Night?” close to me. Scotty points to one of the white plastic lawn chairs and hitches up his leather belt. He is preparing for a leisurely discussion. A simple question to Scotty is rarely answered with one sentence and today is no different. Scotty, a Mexican citizen, was born in one of the two countries considerably north of his shop in Nuevo Vallarta. With his grizzled face and blotchy pale skin, Scotty appears to be an older man wrinkled from too much sun, but he’s probably about sixty something. Dressed in cotton clothes and sandals, his language switches easily from Spanish to English. Before he answers my question, we discuss the virtues of Rhythms of the Night – the food, the music and dancing, the lush island, and the boat trip. Because this travel agency is a garage-like edifice with several lawn chairs, some in the sun, some shaded, a desk, chair, telephone, and mounds of pamphlets and flyers, passers-by on the street comfortably step inside for conversation and information. Some tourists wait politely until Scotty pauses his conversation, but acquaintances jump right in, so I shouldn’t be startled when I feel a vigorous tap on my arm. I look up to see a grinning man in shorts with a two-day growth of hair on his face and no hair on his head. His wide grin allows me to see he has missing teeth and at least one large gold filling. Speaking as though I were across a

He turns his forearm inches from my face. Too close to properly focus, I believe his tattoo has a USA or Canadian flag. I cannot read what is written in black and red going laterally down his arm. “Well, well, whatcha think?” “Nice,” I answer. Scotty smiles as the man turns toward him. “Call me a cab, amigo?” he asks Scotty. “Where you goin’?” Scotty dials the phone and asks for a cab. “Bucerias.” “You’re in Bucerias now, man.” “Lots of places. Gotta go lotsa places.” In a business-like tone, Scotty tells the taxi company that a customer needs to go to “various lugares.” I return to the discussion of Rhythms of the Night. I still don’t know the price. As Scotty rattles away on his calculator, a car drives up. The tattoo man has picked up his belongings and shoved them into the pocket of his shorts. His shirt is on Scotty’s desk. When he sees the car, he begins to shout, “Mannie, amigo, hola, hola.” Lunging toward the car, he opens the driver’s door and pulls a smiling man out to give him a bear hug. Still sitting on his lawn chair, Scotty

raises his voice slightly and addresses the driver. “Mannie, you ever get your reverse fixed?” Tattoo man continues to hold Mannie, the driver, in a stranglehold. “I pushed him backwards about five times yesterday. He’s my amigo, no?” Scotty throws the shirt into the open car window and the vehicle speeds away. “He should’ve waited for the cab,” says Scotty. “But Mannie can make a lot of money with this man. He has a lot of money.” “That guy?” “Yeah, he owns a buncha stores and a bar. After driving around in that car all afternoon, Mannie can get his reverse fixed. Been out about a week.” The next day, after my husband and I thoroughly enjoyed Rhythms of the Night, I saw Mannie and asked about his car. He was on his way to get a new transmission.

JEANNIE WEINER winters in Mexico. She lives in Michigan where she is a freelance writer. She has recently published her first novel, Santa Fe Sister.

Saw you in the Ojo

IIT’S T’S O OKAY KAY TO TO G GET ET O OLD—Everybody LD—E Everybody D Does oes IIt, t, Sooner S ooner o or r LLater! ater! By Scott Richards

hy apologize for grey hair, it looks good with black. So does white in case you go straight there not pausing at salt and pepper. Concentrate on all the things we are no longer expected to do, speeds we must maintain, or goals no longer sought. Why grieve so young, don’t give up on life. Move to Mexico, live again and then die. Head south and rejoice we are all still breathing. Take control of the later years, in case we forget, they are the only ones left to do things our way. Don’t waste them idling in a resentful society

where age is a plague, where people avoid you in case some of your oldness could rub off on the young and wrinkle-free. How the American society is so petrified of ageing and death is amazing. We are the international dealers in death and yet we are the least equipped to look into the mirror and see old age planting its tendrils. Westerners in general seem the most embarrassed of this natural process.

Who is to say someone is done with living, the IRS, Emily Post, Vogue? They are made to feel guilty for ailments, age spots, a limp, things that used to be up are now mostly down, or forgetting to zip a fly. We all go through the motions of life and death, but not everyone sees it as a negative. Take the reins, head south and don’t stop until there are smiles on the faces of the old people. North of the border versions of life and living read like a handbook

El Ojo del Mar / July 2011

for the rich and famous. Be good looking, make money and then spend it disguising the inevitable. Face lifts, hair color, lypo…S--- happens—live with it, not die because of it. Instead of being kicked to the curb in a country mortified after thirty, the elderly can live here gracefully, with respect and even admiration of past accomplishments. I have met and talked to many souls that have come down near what they figured was their end wanting to at least die somewhere warm and found a rebirth in their seventies, or even later. Who is to say someone is done with living, the IRS, Emily Post, Vogue? Dare to start and maybe even finish those projects never attempted while mired in tax returns and baby diapers. It’s Geriatric Time, so make the most of it. Take a page from our Mexican neighbors on the natural course life takes from the womb to the grave. Admire their more honest, reality- based view of the art of living and the grace in dying. Don’t let a case of the “Oldies” stand in the way a moment longer. Quit dying and start living, there is really no other choice for the brave. The inevitable will come, but what will you be doing when it does?

SCOTT RICHARDS grew up in Southern California and after college hit the road to high adventure in the Caribbean, never to return. He is here with his wife, thoroughly enjoying Mexico and his new found mistress and taskmaster - the written word.

EVERY MAN’S DREAM By Robb Howard

hand from the dinghy in the soft sanhe warm wet wind blew dy bottom. Reversing the engines over the Mexican hills and dragged the anchors until they bit into the bay. The smell of and held firm. Deflate and store the rain and the perfume of wild flowdinghy below, put chafe guards on ers and herbs engulfed the boat. the anchor lines, secure everything A storm was coming, not just any above and below storm, an act of naice-cold knife deck and we’re ture that drove fear An into every sailor, through the heart, a ready except for the final preparation, an ice-cold knife pray. through the heart, a hurricane. The rain came, hurricane. fat heavy drops building to a deluge. The three boats in the bay maThe wind at 25 knots and rising. Fifty neuvered into position to avoid colliknots and the rain became horizonsions and be able to help each other tal sheets of water. 70 knots and the in a life-threatening emergency. We sound of a NASCAR race attacked set two anchors in a V formation off your ears and made verbal comthe bow. The second anchor set by

munication impossible. Eighty-five knots, batten the hatches and keep praying. An eternity goes by and suddenly silence—the ear-pounding roar of a freight train to the eerie stillness of a church. The radio crackles to life, sailors checking on sailors. Everyone is OK. On deck, adjust the lines, set the chafe guards, in minutes we do it again in reverse, a rerun. The anchors slip and catch, the opposite wind and the freight train go by. The cruising life—every man’s dream is occasionally a nightmare.

ROBB HOWARD has spent a lot of time sailing the oceans of the world. In a previous life, he owned a nationwide business that helped lawyers prepare cases for trial. He has lived in Mexico for several years.

Saw you in the Ojo

Wherefore Art Thou, Grandma Minnie? By Bob Tennison

t a church function in DalIas, a friend asked me if I had made up my mind about moving to Mexico. At that time I was still undecided. He went on to tell me about their trip to Copper Canyon, when his wife and he took their Grandma Minnie. Her Grandmother had taken care of her since she was five years old when her parents were killed in a hotel fire. Margoâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s Grandmother Minnie was one swinging lady. Her favorite saying was that she had the only motorized broom in the area. She smoked, drank scotch, and fre-

quently used language that would make a sailor blush -all the things that my mother told me not to do as I was growing up. She was about to celebrate her 90th birthday and

El Ojo del Mar / July 2011

sorrow and inability to think clearmany times had stated that the ly. They decided to close up the only thing she wanted to do and sleeping bag and put her on top had wanted to do for at least 10 of the camper along with the rest years was to see Copper Canyon of the luggage. By the time they in Mexico. She had many friends were finished putting everything who had made the trip, had seen in place for the trip home, they fell dozens of pictures of it and it was into bed exhausted, hoping they the only thing left of the things she would hear the alarm when it rang. desperately wanted to do. Margo At sunrise, he went outside to sehad collected enough money from cure the luggage. He thought he the death of her parents that she was dreaming when he looked up would and could be able to grant and found that all of it, including her this wish. Margo and her husGrandma Minnieâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s sleeping bag, band went shopping for a camper was missing. The top of the camper trailer that would meet their needs was totally empty. for a real first class trip. He was too stupefied to believe The scenic trip down was most that this was really happening, but enjoyable for all of them, as none it was true. Margo almost fainted of them had been to Mexico before. when he told her what had hapThey made many stops along the pened. She had to sit down for way in order not to miss anything. about ten minutes before she came Camp grounds were available outside. She finally looked up at the which they had checked out on a top of the camper and collapsed in tourist guide map to ascertain their his arms, remaining locations well before leaving. They He was too stupefied there until she was arrived in Copper to believe that this finally able to acCanyon early in the was really happen- cept reality. They eventumorning of Mining, but it was true. ally discussed what nieâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s birthday. they were going to They set up do at the border. They would have camp before leaving for the Canto leave as planned but did not yon, which was only a few miles want to report the theft as it would away, and the splendor and magcause major problems. Should they nificence of the views were more be asked why they had no luggage than they had anticipated. They or equipment in their camper they covered as much as possible, phocould not explain it without caustographing the spectacular views ing more problems. The border from every possible angle until the crossing turned out to be as lengthy daylight began to fade. They deas anticipated because they did recided on their way back to camp to port the loss of their luggage and return early the next morning for fiequipment as well as when and nal viewing and more photos from where it happened. What with different locations. They returned forms to fill out and papers to sign, to their campsite to have a drink it took about three hours. Grandma and an early dinner in order to be Minnie was not mentioned. Shortly well rested for an early departure after crossing they got out of the the next morning. car, held hands, faced Mexico and Minnie wanted to spend her bid farewell to Grandma Minnie. last night there in a sleeping bag under the stars, so they settled her before leaving to go inside to finish cleaning up and packing. He went outside to say good night to Minnie and had the shock of his life to discover she was dead. He called Margo to come immediately. They were both grief and BOB TENNISON is from panic stricken with the realization Texas, and was a flight that they could not repeat this to attendant for many any official and would be unable years, a job which took to leave Mexico for who knew how him to many places and gave him a long, and it would cost a fortune to great deal of comedy material. have her body shipped back. Reality had to be faced through their

BORDER BOREDOM By Ed Tasca

ecause of the current U.S. recession, the fed’s less aggressive pursuit of illegals and a severely reduced flow of Mexican immigrants across the U.S. border, it’s been reported that U.S. border agents - normally alert, professional and keen k - are having a hard time managing the lack of action and the ennui. When the order came down to border patrol supervisors from The Chief of Border Patrol to “Keep the men sharp and provide a learning experience as well,” many possibilities tweeted to life, none of which came by way of Air Traffic Controllers. I can share with you some of the more compelling that didn’t have to do with mobile phone games or body scan simulations. Living off the land. One sector chief chose to instruct his team (Troop A) on the torturous discipline of living off the land and surviving any and all kinds of unpleasant conditions, such as eating scorpions, luring roadrunners into snares made of sage brush and a sock, and using your underwear to treat gingivitis. The training sounds arduous but the men are allowed certain basic, useful tools: a string and a bottle cap. Regrettably, after three days, two of the men from Troop A were found wandering dazed around the outskirts of Laredo pleading for a Snickers. Another agent, living in a dug-out built from palm fronds and cow patties, was heard screaming, “Amigos, come on in! Just don’t forget the pozole!” The training was later banned. Advanced Physical Fitness. Troop B chose advanced physical fitness based on the programs used by Navy Seals. The PowerPoint training presentation, which was projected on the

st fence separating steel sep paraati t ng tthe he bor rde d r wi itth h border with the U.S. and Mexico, went fetchingly at first, until the lesson on how the Seals claw-climb steel fences at night carrying eighty pounds of food and gear and a dog was shown. The presentation could be seen from bluffs on the Mexican side of the fence, and crossborder immigration picked up significantly. Politicians stepped in and the lessons were replaced by Kindle feeds of Jumping Jacks. Learning Transcendental Meditation. After two weeks of intense introspection, four decorated law enforcement agents of Troop C became so spiritually inspired and enlightened they went AWOL; and were reportedly last seen healing the sick in and around Ixtlahuacán using nothing but Reiki non-touch healing and essence of lavender. The AWOL agents returned home frustrated within two weeks, claiming they couldn’t figure out IMSS paperwork. The Eco-Patrol. One group of agents, Troop D, chose to spend its slow hours cultivating the barren areas around the border fence and growing heart-healthy foods, herbs and seeds to be shared with colleagues. The little biosphere regrettably had to be abandoned when it was discovered by inspectors that their extremely popular “nopal” patches turned out to be peyote. The Book Club. Finally, one motivated team, Troop E, concerned with more intellectual pursuits, decided to test an all-male book club—that’s right in situ - right there in the gritty

bleakness of the desert. Several uniformed and armed men gathered around a campfire during their slow time to discuss The Kite Runner. Bowls of Tostitos were served, along with a homemade dip made of mustard. (Records indicate it was a cup of mustard.) Opening discussions were unanimous that the book didn’t have the subtlety and sensitivity of the latest Penelope Cruz movie. And that the person who chose the book didn’t bring enough Tostitos. When a fistfight broke out over the Tostitos, the troop supervisor brought out a box of Cream Crackers. “Cream Crackers!” one combatant yelled, “They don’t have any taste. That’s why only the Brits eat them.” (He proved his point by crumbling several crackers over an ant hole and pointing out that even the ants wouldn’t touch them.) The Book Club Troop were suddenly besieged by hunger-frenzied, disoriented members of the Living Off the Land experiment who smelled the Tostitos. Another fistfight broke out over the Tostitos, until members of The Transcendental Meditation team stumbled in, broke up the fight and forced everyone into a group chant. A renegade member of the Eco-Patrol heard

the commotion and brought “nopal.” For the sake of his men’s safety and sanity, Chief of the Border Patrol, still wishing to have his Mexican enemy return, had one more idea. He organized one sector of the border patrol into an all-volunteer Mariachi band and ordered a parade along the fence. Unfortunately, Mexicans living across the border in Chihuahua complained about the noise.

ED TASCA’S novel The Fishing Trip That Got Away was recently published by the Roseheart Publishing Company. Ed’s an award-winning humor writer (winner in the prestigious Robert Benchley Society Humor-writing Award three years in a row--judged by Dave Barry). Also winner of humorpress.com awards and the 2008 winner of M. Culbertson’s Life and Humor Award.

Politicians stepped in and the lessons were replaced by Kindle feeds of Jumping Jacks.

Saw you in the Ojo

PAY THE GARDENER WHAT HE’S WORTH! By M.A. Porter

He continually seeks to please by off you have a good gardener, fering creative ideas, and warns me you know how it feels: That about plagues well in advance. He special guy who’s always out washes my windows and takes care there, toiling to create lush beauty of the swimming pool. When we travjust for little old Señora. Oh, and el, he comes over the wages that you I cannot see how pay- every day to check pay him. I’m lucky enough ing my gardener an- the house (verified by our house sitter) to participate in the a f o r e m e n t i o n e d other 15 pesos an hour and is kind to our situation: I have a is going to send Mexi- pets. Swoon! Due to circumgardener who has been with my house co’s inflation rate into stances beyond his control, my gardenfor over 10 years. the cosmos. er recently found He’s a natural botahimself in need of more work. So I nist and takes great pride in his work. decided to help him by advertising He works from the minute he passes his qualities to various expatriates. It through the gate until he departs.

was a big success – nine people lined up to interview him; most of whom I did not know. Because I care about my gardener, I thought I’d ‘vet’ these applicants before I passed the opportunity on to him. My husband thought this might be folly – after all, I am not my gardener’s mother, nor could I fully predict the dynamics between my gardener and another employer. But I had to do it. I’m glad that I did because after conversations with various ‘vettees’, my gardener was able to land two jobs in gardens where he’ll be challenged – which he enjoys – and for people who are respectful and who will pay a fair starting wage. He is quite pleased. But I am also glad that I did the vetting because I learned something about expatriate sensibilities. I pay my gardener well and many of the vettees told me that I was paying him too much. If we expats pay more than market rates, they explained, we upset the economy down here. I am not an economics expert, but I cannot see how paying my gardener another 15 pesos an hour is going to send Mexico’s inflation rate into the cosmos. Sure, if I can’t buy another margarita because I pay my gardener so well, then the waiter makes less. But my gardener no doubt plows that money in the micro-economy of his barrio. So, it probably evens out. I feel the wages that I pay my gardener to be fair. (Re: Above bragging.) Every six months, I sit down with my gardener and give him an employee review, much as I did with my former employees in the USA. We talk about how he’s doing, what he needs from me, I document it and we shake hands – and guess what. He improves. So, at one of these meetings two years ago, I gave him a sig-

nificant raise. And, recently, he took on more responsibility and promised that he could do the work the same amount of hours. He has followed through, and I have rewarded him again. By my calculations, after talking to the vettees, I conclude that I pay my gardener 22 percent above what they claim are “market rates.” He’s worth every penny. And, I have recently investigated how we can begin paying our gardener’s IMSS costs, as he will soon be losing his coverage if the private gardens in which he works can’t pony up. Which, they don’t have to. But I mentioned the IMSS angle to several vettees, one of whom grew frustrated with me and hung up. One vettee said, “I need to keep my costs down.” Which, I understand. Another said, “Why would you do that?” So I asked her, do you not have good medical coverage in Canada? She sputtered and said, “Yes, of course.” So I asked, why then do you not want your gardener and his family to have good coverage? I had the same conversation with a US citizen who, I know for a fact, routinely flies first class to the USA to access health care services. She answered that she doesn’t want to participate at that level of expense with someone as insignificant as a gardener. (Okay, so maybe she didn’t say “insignificant”, but that’s what it felt like.) One US citizen who has lived here for years said, “Mexicans don’t care about IMSS anyway. They can go to the health center for free.” None of them made my “good vettee” cut. They also won’t become friends.

MARGARET PORTER was a newspaper publisher in the States and has published several articles in major magazines. She has lived in Mexico for five years and is working on an historical novel.

El Ojo del Mar / July 2011

HOW OLD IS TOO OLD TO MOVE TO MEXICO? MEXICO? By Bob Dietz

ing in a World y 91-yearWar II military old father, plane 72 years Ray, sold his ago, our progress is Florida condo and asked only fifty feet closer to to move to the La Floresta Guadalajara. But still no complaint. Convalescent Home. It is seven Does this man have patient Mexiblocks from my home in Ajijic. This is the story of that transition. can blood in his veins? He leans over to tell me that the two nurses I flew to Gainesville, Florida want us to join them for dinner at to pick up a man who had conthe hotel restaurant. O.K. now tell solidated all of his worldly posme you’ve been on a double date sessions into a bank account and with your father? How do I explain one checked bag. That’s a lesson this to my wife? Yeah honey, I in reverse materialism. Our deparcouldn’t help it, my father was just ture day featured tornado warna bad influence. Why do I keep visuings and no plane was allowed alizing Rickey Ricardo saying, “Lucy to fly. We patiently waited in this ju got sum splainin to do.” snack bar airport for eight hours. After a very enjoyable dinner My dad and I, and his trusty walker, with our escorts and repeated asstuck in airport hell. I’m waiting for surances that the $400 each, gorcomplaints. But not one was utgeous hotel suite and dinner was tered from his now parched lips. He complimentary, he seems to enjoy this unavoidable delay. What happened to the just floored me. He After the TSA grop- North American rush, whispered, “ If the ing, eight hours of rush, don’t let any- airline offers you this again tomorwaiting provides a row take it.” This perfect opportu- thing get in my way? isn’t aviation hell, nity for a father and son to do a lot of catching up. he`s having a great time. What happened to the North American rush, Four bags of peanuts, one hamrush, don`t let anything get in my burger and three sodas later, the way? Has this gringo achieved a skies cleared and we apprehenmore laid-back Mexican attitude sively boarded the aircraft. He’s before we’ve even made an apexcited, but looks spent. But wait, is proach landing on Mexican soil? that the voice of an angel I hear? It’s Fifteen minutes after we were the strawberry blond stewardess airborne, he asked me,” How does asking for volunteers to unbuckle, the pilot put the brakes on and deplane, and be regally rewarded stop the plane in midair?” What? to help solve what has become an We are flying at 600 miles per hour. overbooking situation. This is goHe thought we were sitting still in ing to be a test for him for sure. midair. I guess avionics have greatJust how much adventurous spirit ly improved since World War II. does he have? Since I had no way The retirement home had perto measure that, I simply said paramitted us to paint and decorate dise looks better in the daylight. It his pool view room prior to his arcan wait a day. rival. So he was pleased upon seeSo we dragged our disappointing his new digs. The love and care ed bodies back into the airport and of the management and staff has stood in line for another hour with to be experienced to be truly aptwo nurses who shared our plight, preciated. In his first three weeks and waited to be compensated. in Mexico, he reversed most of the After spending the entire day in anill effects of self-neglect. The cans ticipation of his first flight since be-

and microwave diet was replaced with fresh food prepared by a loving cook. His ankle swelling disappeared in one week. Yeah, dad you can stop taking the Prilosec, heartburn medicine you’ve taken for three years too. The expectations of daily showering and clothes changes was instituted by the staff. A wonderful, and caring doctor injected some medicine into his hip joint and he parked the walker and started using just a cane. Even in Mexico, where ingenuity is highly regarded, his pants with the big yellow paper clip in place of the broken zipper, will not be considered stylish. New pants, a successful trip to the dentist and optician and he has completed a makeover that even Oprah’s producers would envy. How did all this happen so efficiently? Didn’t his age hamper things? No, it was all his attitude. It seems attitude is more important than age. I saw him even reach for the hot sauce yesterday. Dad, you are one cool gringo and even though I’ve lived here three years, thanks for teaching me to be more Mexican. Did we answer

the question of how old is too old to move to Mexico? Maybe not, but we now know the bar has been raised to north of 91 years old.

Saw you in the Ojo

Hooray For Hollyweird By Danny Dominguez CARS FOR SALE: Cargo trailer, fully enclosed. Dust seals on doors, jack stand with wheel. Spare tire. Locks for hitch, hitch ball and doors. Like new. US$1,300 or equal in pesos. Call: Bud (376) 766-1127 or geebudgee@gmail. com FOR SALE: Mercedes 1982 SD500 Turbo Charged 5 Cylinder Diesel, needs works to restore it to its classic status $3,500 pesos or best offer. NO e-mail, please Call: (387)763-3266 FOR SALE: Excellent Convertible. Imported, Mexican plates, insurance paid for 2011,taxes and importation paid until 2010. Motor 2.5 ltrs, working great. New tires, new shock, magnesium rhins, $35,000 pesos. For appointment Call Luis at Cell: 331113-6192 FOR SALE: Chrysler Cirrus LXI 2002. Three-owner car - Mexican plated (Jalisco); very well maintained and low mileage. Always kept in garage for protection of exterior. 68,000 pesos. Call: (387) 761-0094 FOR SALE: 1993 Mercury Villager, 7 passenger van, automatic, A/C blows cold, 154,000 miles, cloth interior, clean, one owner, U.S. plated $3,995U.S. Call: (376) 763-5367 FOR SALE: 2005 Ford Taurus, runs good, needs somebody work, reduced from $67,000 to $44,000 pesos or USD, please call John (376)765-2726

GENERAL MERCHANDISE FOR SALE: Choice of 2, cold, makes ice, good for bar, boat or bedroom. e-mail your phone# for appointment at: ge1612@yahoo.ca FOR SALE: Golf Clubs a complete set of left handed golf clubs 2000 pesos call: (376) 766-3537 FOR SALE: Large amplifier, built in speaker, dual guitar/mic inputs w/ individual volume control, dual cassett player/recorder with tape speed control, echo feature, earphone jack allows for privacy. $600 No email, Please Call Lee Borden at (045) 333496-5883 FOR SALE: Casio Portable electric organ w/hard case and collapsible stand, 12v/120v adaptor synthesized instruments, back up rythums, digital recorder, earphone jack allows for privacy. Very lightly used, new condition $2500. No email, Please Call Lee Borden at (045) 333-496-5883 FOR SALE: Harley Davidson touch lamp, new in box $400. No email, Please Call Lee Borden at (045) 333496-5883

FOR SALE: Bar Style Table. Round 30” diameter laminated top on 42” high metal pedestal base. Includes 3 tall, wooden, swivels stools w/back rests and brass foot rails. Excellent conditions $4000. No email, Please Call Lee Borden at (045) 333-4965883 FOR SALE: Limoges dinner service for 10. Many serving pieces & extras. White/gold trim. 2,000 USD or 24,000 pesos, email: losbravospv@hotmail. com FOR SALE: TRANSLATOR and held ECTACO iTRAVL English/ Spanish + 18 other languages Audio/ Text Language Translator - many accessories and software ($600 NEW - used once) $200 US, Exotic Skin Cowboy Boots (Justin) size 9-1/2 D ($1000 NEW) $250, Ostrich Attache Case 24K Gold Hardware ($4000 NEW) $500, RARE Napoleon Hill “Keys to Success” Original VHS Set $100, Matt Bacak “Internet Millionaire” 25 DVD’s complete instructional course set (PD $2000) $500. Call: (314) 334-8097 FOR SALE: Oxygen Equipment, in great condition: Respironics Millenium 5L Oxygen Concentrator, Oxymatic Conserver OM 400 Series, Continuous Flow Regulator, The Vest & 8 M6 tanks, 5 full. Carrying case for the tanks, lots of canulas & other extras, e-mail: beachteachmx@hotmail.com FOR SALE: Tracker Tundra 20 Boat, 280,000.00 or 25,000.00 USD. Really nice boat, 20ft long, capacity up to 9 people, GPS fishfinder e-mail with any questions! juliana109@hotmail.com

COLLECTABLES FOR SALE: Puerto Vallarta Restaurant Guide. Beck’s Best has progressed into the largest (123 pages) most up-to-date dining guide in the PV Bay Area involving hiking from spot to spot, dining, taking notes and pictures, talking to owners and managers. www.cafepress.com/vallartaguide. Amazon Kindle: www.amazon.com/dp/ B004NEVX7I FOR SALE: Incredible collection of 750 different Mexican stamps, all pictorial, all mint and never hinged. Call James Tipton, (376) 765-7689. FOR SALE: Mexican Stamps are hot! (And beautiful!) I have full sheets of 150 different Mexican pictorial stamps. 2011 Scott Catalog value over $2,500 US. All yours for $1,000 US. James Tipton, (376) 765-7689.

El Ojo del Mar / July 2011

was under the impression that she ver a film career that was playing the lead in the picture. spanned several nerveWhen I informed her otherwise, she searing years, I met screamed, “Ronnie, that bastard! I’ve many world-class characters. Some been humping him for the last six were sad, like my actor pal who at age months for a bit part!?” Just then I no81 was still waiting for his first big ticed the formerly-reclusive Ronnie break; or impressive, like the famous shuffling through the shadows at the thespian John Carradine, who knew far end of the sound stage. Shakespeare so well he could answer Later, he and I became pals, any question with an appropriate though I often teased him that he quote from the Bard; or comical, like would do anything to make a movie Peter the Hermit, who used to wandeal, (so would I, for that matter), der along Hollywood Boulevard in a a charge he righteously denied. To long white beard, flowing robe and prove my point, I called him one day, wooden staff like some bit player in a pretending to be a wealthy lettuce Biblical epic. grower from the San Joaquin Valley, But for pure, uncut idiosyncratic anxious to commission a screenplay. antics, none matched those of a I mentioned that I had seen action in handsome, elderly gent I will call a submarine service during WWII, and “Ronnie.” In his younger days, Ronnie if he could had worked at WarI called him, pretend- asked write a script about ner Brothers, speexperiences, cializing in “dialect ing to be a wealthy let- my which I modestly dialogue,” and had tuce grower. mentioned were the written the Celticstuff of memorable movie drama. sounding dialogue for Bogart’s Irish Of course, he could do it if the recharacter in the Bette Davis film Dark muneration was sufficient. Oh, fine, Victory and Indian-sounding words and could he write the main part for for Jeff Chandler in Broken Arrow. my son, who loved movies but had no By the time Ronnie and I met, acting experience? Ronnie allowed as however, he had been reduced to to how that might be possible. Then scribbling low-budget quickies and the hooker: could the lad star in the had forged an unbreakable bond with picture, even though he’d been rebourbon whiskey. He had just dashed stricted for the past several years to off an utterly forgettable script called living inside an iron lung? The Lucifer Rose, which I (quite by acWell, that was too much even for cident and at the last moment) had Ronnie and he finally jumped ship, been employed to direct. When I ofsputtering a string of obscenities at fered several suggestions for improvthe so-called lettuce grower, before ing the terminally hopeless script, slamming the phone down. Ronnie flew into a fit. Grabbing his I miss those colorful characters, liquid pacifier, he disappeared into his though their country cousins here in office just off the sound stage, saying Mexico run the Hollyweirdos a close he would make the changes but never second. wanted to see my ugly face again. For the next few days, pages of the revised script would be slid out from under his office door and carried DANNY DOMINGUEZ to the set, where I was frantically, at is a former screenwriter age 23, trying to pretend that I knew and lawyer who has what I was doing. Then, on the third lived for several years in day, something brought Ronnie out San Luis Potosi, where he spends of hiding. We were shooting a scene much of his time giving free legal with an attractive young girl who advice to ex-pats.

SURVIVORS By Patricia Hemingway

oy M. Crandall, M for we got there, were “Well, we’re half Marion, was my mother’s way”. Being a man of the depression, father. He showed up at maybe he figured his thoughts weren’t our door when I was thirteen, and he a fit topic for kids. He’d had four of his was broke and sixty-five and couldn’t own, and my mother was the first. She work anymore. I don’t believe he had recalled the nice house they’d lived anywhere else to stay while he waited in when she was still the only child, for his old age pension, so he came to and the well-off family next door who San Antonio, Texas, to the duplex of his treated her like one of their own. The oldest daughter and her three kids. way she told it, I could tell that was the Granddaddy was a man from the greatest time of her life. depression. Everything about him said When Granddaddy got his penso: his thin face and the way he never sion, he left on the bus for Guadalajara, ate much; the way he wore his brown where he could live on his few dollars, felt hat in the summer, when anybody and be around Mexican people. He else would have left it back home; and especially loved Mexican women, my the pipe he treasured, practically his mother said. She also said Granddaddy only possession. When he came to liked to sip brandy in the afternoons. stay with us he had one penny in his She found out one evening when pants pocket. My mother told us. she went to offer some to a friend-He was still nice looking, and she rarely drank unless she had comsported a pure white Granddaddy He especially loved pany: mustache. Wearing had been getting his hat, his pleated Mexican women, my into it while she was pants hanging on mother said. at work, and filling his slender frame, his up the dark-colored was a pleasing silhouette. He neither bottle with tap water. stooped nor asserted himself unnecWhen I was 35 I took a plane trip essarily. to Guadalajara and stayed for a week. Granddaddy joined us in our reguI wanted to see the plaza full of roses lar family entertainment: watching tv. Granddaddy had described to us, and On the ‘good program’ nights, it was in 1980 they were still there. He spoke mandatory that we all sit down tooften of ‘Tilackey-packey’, that’s how gether in the living room. Nothing like he said it. Like a wooden cart coming a good drama. That’s how my mother down a cobblestone street, one turn of raised us. Granddaddy sat right there, the wheels at a time. with tears rolling down his cheeks, Granddaddy always said he boardwhen it was a really good one. ed at Miz Whitehouse’s. Where Miz My mother told of Granddaddy Whitehouse’s was I never knew. My when he was young, set up in a busisister says he fished the lake in Joconess of his own. He had a full head of topec. All I knew was Miz Whitehouse auburn hair and wore a nice tweed favored him; she kept his room for him suit with a belt in the back. Grandwhile he came back up to stay with us daddy never met a stranger – male or for a month at a time. female. He would start up a conversaHe brought us a serape made of tion with whoever was waiting for the rough, dark gray wool with colored bus beside him, and by the time the stripes across the top and bottom. We bus got there, he would have a name kept it for as long as I can remember, and phone number on a scrap of paeven though the wool was scratchy. It per, with promises to get in touch. was from a place none of us had ever But he didn’t have much to say to been to. Our world was small, neighchildren. He and I walked to the Piggly borhood-bound. No car to travel even Wiggly many an afternoon. The only to the other side of town. words Granddaddy would say, when Granddaddy had actually lived in a

Mexican city with a beautiful plaza, its shrubs cut delicately into the shapes of animals, where he sat on benches between beds of roses and watched another world go by. While I was in Guadalajara, I took a bus tour around Lake Chapala. The bus stopped in several small towns, and we were allowed time to shop. In Ajijic I found what I was looking for: a beautiful white wool serape. I made the bus driver wait while I paid for it in a tiny shop that had a dirt floor swept clean and a manual device for running through credit cards. I can still hear the clicksmack! as they made an impression of the raised plastic numbers, and the serape was mine. Granddaddy lived with us for several months before his first pension check arrived. He smoked a tobacco that smelled sweet, like burning cherries. When he turned his pipe upside down and tapped it on the ashtray, I pretended to empty it but instead I put the small wad of tobacco in a fruitcake tin I kept under my bed. After Granddaddy left us for Guadalajara, the house was empty. I got out the tin and sniffed the sweetness of the tobacco and cried for him. He loved to tell about a parrot that lived in the bar around the corner from Miz Whitehouse’s: Whenever anybody in the bar would use a ‘cuss’ word, the parrot would squawk: “shee—wha— whaa!!” Granddaddy told and retold this story, and whoever was over that day would die laughing. Granddaddy would slap his thigh and tilt his head back and laugh out loud, showing his tobacco-stained teeth. “Shee—wha— whaa!!” he would say at least one more time. I can see him in that bar overlooking the lake. After a day of fishing, he goes there. Everybody knows him: “Ola, Raoul.” He sits down and orders a glass of brandy and pays for it with his pesos. He has enough left over to buy

a drink for the beautiful woman who slides into the booth beside him. The parrot perches nearby, and waits for someone to speak. PATRICIA HEMINGWAY lived in the San Francisco Bay Area for 35 years before relocating to Mexico in January 2011. She has been writing since the 1980’s, and is also a quilter and fiber artist.

Saw you in the Ojo

CANADA CONFEDERATION DAY By Robb Howard

Did you thank the Irish?

n army of 23,000 men, mostly battle trained veterans of the American Civil War. 500 Mohawk Indians trained in the French and Indian wars and the War 1812 and 100 Black veterans of the American Civil War. Scattered along the border, trained and ready to attack... Canada. In the 1850s, the United Irishmen and their militant arm, the Fenian Brotherhood, correctly forecast that the political climate in the United States was going to lead to a civil war. When war came in 1861, the Fenians had raised military units comprised of Irish immigrants in the major cities of the eastern and southern states.

These units joined both sides in the war with the goal of gaining the experience and skills necessary to fight England for Ireland’s independence. The leadership of the Fenians, John O’Mahony and William Roberts, believed that a successful invasion of the Canadian provinces, known as British North America, would give them leverage and bargaining power in their struggle with England for Irish independence. In April of 1866, a group of 700 members of the Fenian Brotherhood massed on the eastern coast of Maine at Eastport for an attack on Campobello Island, New Brunswick. Campobello controlled access to the Bay of Fundy and the

El Ojo del Mar / July 2011

Maritime provinces of New Brunswick and Nova Scotia. Before the invasion began U.S. forces arrived and dispersed the Fenians. Although the attack never took place, the people of New Brunswick and Nova Scotia saw their vulnerability and began to campaign for a Confederation of Canadian provinces. Prior to this, the Maritime Provinces had been unreceptive to joining the other provinces. The Fenian forces then adopted the name, the Irish Republican Army, the first use of this name and wore green uniforms with buttons embossed with “IRA”. The IRA had secured an understanding with President Andrew Johnson, formerly President Abraham Lincoln’s VicePresident, that U.S. forces would not interfere and would recognize, “any accomplished facts”. The U.S. had sold the IRA all of its weaponry including 3 warships in Brooklyn harbor. The IRA assembled along the border of Canada under the command of Major General Thomas, “Fighting Tom”, Sweeny. The strategy was a threepronged attack on Montreal, Quebec City and Toronto. On May 31st, 1866, an advance party of 1,000 to 1,300 troops under Colonel John O’Neill crossed the Niagara River near Buffalo, New York into Canada. The IRA forces captured Fort Erie and cut all telegraph lines and the Buffalo and Lake Huron railroads before they proceeded inland. In March of 1866, 10,000 Canadian Militia had been placed under arms to counter the Fenian threat. This militia was ordered to defend against the IRA advance from Fort Erie. On June 2, at Ridgeway, Ontario, the Canadian Militia and a company of the Queens Own Rifles were defeated by the IRA and forced into retreat. Shortly after the IRA had crossed the Niagara River, the U.S. Navy gunboat, Michigan, prevented supplies and 5,000 reinforcements from crossing into Canada. Colonel O’Neill’s forces without

supplies and reinforcements rested at Ridgeway and then returned to Fort Erie. Before reaching Fort Erie they were attacked by another Canadian force which they defeated and sent into retreat. The IRA left Fort Erie and crossed back into the U.S. where they received a hero’s welcome. The last major attack by the IRA was led by General Spier and his Executive Officer, General Mahon with a force of 1,000 men. They crossed from Vermont into Canada on June 7th defeated the Canadian forces and occupied Pigeon Hill, Missiquoi County, Quebec. They plundered several nearby towns and retreated to the U.S. when the U.S. Army seized their supplies in Vermont. Unknown to the Fenians and their U.S. supporters, President Andrew Johnson had been in reparation negotiations with Britain for their support for the Confederacy during the Civil War. As a result of these negotiations, strengthened by the U.S. actions against the Fenians and IRA, the British paid the U.S. $15 million dollars. The American people, angered by President Johnson’s betrayal of the Fenians demanded his impeachment. He survived the congressional impeachment by 1 vote. The Fenian action failed to end British rule in Canada and did nothing for the cause of Irish independence, but a few months after the attacks, the Canadian provinces united as a confederation under the British North American Act of 1867. The battle of Ridgeway became known as, “the battle that made Canada.” So, on July 1st, as you toasted the 144th birthday of the Confederation of Canada, I hope you lifted a glass to the Irish who gave the formation of the Confederation a little push. CHEERS!

Service

THE OJO CROSSWORD

DIRECTORY ART GALLERIES - THE AJIJIC ART HOUSE Tel: (376) 765-5097

MOVERS

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AUTOMOTIVE

- BALDERAS Tel: 01 (33) 3810-4859 - SEYMI Tel: 01 (33) 3603-0000, 3603-0256

- MOBILE DIAGNOSTIC & REPAIR SERVICE Cell: 333-506-7879 Pag: 14

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COMMUNICATIONS - MAILBOXES, ETC. Tel: (322) 224-9434

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CONSTRUCTION/ARCHITECTS - ARCHITECTURAL DESIGN/CONSTRUCTION Arq. Juan Jose Rodriguez Tel: (322) 225-8248 Pag: 14

DENTIST - PATY ASCENCIO D.D.S. Tel: (669) 668-0548

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PERSONAL ASSISTANCE

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REAL ESTATE - COLDWELL BANKER MANZANILLO Tel: (314) 334-2000 - ESFERA INMOBILIARIA Tel: (333) 629-3481 - FOR SALE BY OWNER Tel: (333) 899-2827 - MEXICO PROPERTY RESOURCES Tel: (315) 351-7489, 108-3425 - PENINSULA Tel: 01 322 221-0204 - RE/MAX - PERLA PACIFICO Tel: (314) 333-2904 - REENA EGGER Cell: (322) 173-8712

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RENTALS Pag: 11

HOTELS / SUITES - CIELO ROJO Tel: (311) 258-4155 - COCO CABAÑAS Tel: (335) 004-2686 - LA MISSIÓN Tel: (322) 222-7104, (322) 222-4822 - LA MANSION DEL SOL Tel: 01 800 715 9339 - LOS CUATRO VIENTOS Tel: (322) 222-0161

NOTARY

- MANZANILLOGURU.COM Nextel: (314) 12 03 974, ID 62*160932*2

BOUTIQUE - LA BOHEMIA Tel: (322) 222-3164 - MARIA DE GUADALAJARA Tel: 322-222-2387

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- NOTARIA 1 - Raúl Gordillo Tel: (314) 332-1611

BANK INVESTMENT - ACTINVER Tel. 01-800-705-5555

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- SANTANA RENTALS Cell: (315) 104-3283

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RESTAURANTS/CAFES/CLUBS Pag: 10 Pag: 23 Pag: 17 Pag: 15 Pag: 03

LAWYER

- CASA DELLA PIZZA Tel: (314) 333 6010 - BURRITO REVOLUTION CO Tel: (322) 223-0438 - JOLANDAS Tel: (315) 351-5449 - JUANITOS Tel: (314) 333-1388 - THE RED CABBAGE CAFE Tel: (322) 223-0411

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SOLAR ENERGY - FFF LAW OFFICES Tel: (33) 3616 3749

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- E2 ENERGIAS Tel: (33) 3673-5499

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INTERIOR DESIGN TOURIST ATTRACTIONS - JAIMAH Tel: (322) 22 121 98, 333 791 0550, (329) 29 836 79, (314) 333 6700 Pag: 13

- VALLARTA BOTANICAL GARDENS Tel: (322) 223-6182

MASSAGE THERAPIST - CECILIA MONTAÑO Cell: 333-642-9672

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MEDICAL SERVICES - HOSPITAL ANGELES DEL CARMEN Tel: 01 (33) 3813-0042

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ACROSS

DOWN

1 National capital 6 Stay 10 Middle East dweller 14 Root beer brand (3 wds.) 15 Black 16 Zeus’ wife 17 Name 18 Golden 19 Fresh 20 Opera solo 21 Author of “Sense and Sensibility” 23 The __ (final word) 24 Compass point 26 Scandinavian nation 28 Oriental, like Genghis Kahn 31 Lawyer (abbr.) 32 Stage of life 33 Half a byte 36 Alack’s partner 40 Salad 42 Swish 43 Northeast by east 44 Lotion brand 45 Alternate route 48 Rankle 49 Formal “your” 51 Mental health 53 Talks back 56 Soft cheese from Greece 57 Compass point 58 City in India 61 Posttraumatic stress disorder 65 Economics abrv. 67 Island 68 Snow slider 69 MGM’s leo 70 Brink 71 Attack 72 What you stand in 73 Germ 74 Give

1 Information 2 What a bald man is missing 3 Negative (prefix) 4 Musician (3 wds.) 5 Reverence 6 Started 7 Wading bird 8 Dummy 9 Agreement between nations 10 Expression of surprise 11 Check out books again 12 Athletic field 13 Ribald 21 Skillfully 22 Negative 25 Long time 27 Baseball’s Nolan 28 Face covering 29 Gawk 30 Come close to 31 Dog food brand 34 Type of dressing 35 Cave dweller 37 Jacob’s son 38 A wager (2 wds.) 39 Gorgeous 41 Quickness 45 Medicine amounts 46 Usages 47 Gnawer 50 Skirt edge 52 What a diner needs 53 Dandy 54 Computer characters 55 Pass out 56 Renowned 59 Ranch hand 60 Anger 62 Same score 63 Sego lily’s bulb 64 Outlined 66 North northeast 68 Compass point

Saw you in the Ojo

BARRA DE NAVIDAD COSTA ALEGRE ROTARY- Meetings: Wednesdays, 9:00 am, Cabo Blanco Hotel, www.costalegre-rotary.org. MANZANILLO MUJERES AMIGAS LUNCHEONS- Monthly throughout the year, first Wednesday of each month, El Caribe Restaurant, 1:00 pm. Contact: Candy King, 044-314-103-0406, candyk@coldwellbankerbienesraices.com THIRSTY THURSDAYS – MANZAMIGOS- Weekly throughout the year, to be announced each week – www.manzamigos.com, 6:00 pm. Contact: Gerry Szakacs, manzamigos@gmail.com, to join: Shime Dawson, collectors140@yahoo.com AMIGOS POR UN REFUGIO ANIMAL EN MANZANILLO AC – Monthly throughout the year, third Wednesday, Hotel Playa Santiago, 11:30 am. Contact Debi Teter 314-376-5974. ara.mzlo@yahoo.com. MAZATLAN AMERICAN LEGION- meet the 3rd Tues. 1pm at the Olas Atlas Steakhouse. Call Ed Cunningham, Commander, Tel. 136-0773, paradise1940@aol.com AMIGOS DE LOS ANIMALES- To report injured, abandoned domestic animals, adopt pets or to find information at Tel. 986-4235 FRIENDS OF MEXICO- 2nd Tues. 10am at the Vineyard Church on Camarón Sabalo north of the Panama Bakery in the Golden Zone. Social hour 9am. www.friendofmexicoac.org HANDS ACROSS THE BORDERS- Meetings 2nd Friday of the month 9am at The Vineyard for coffee or breakfast. MAZATLAN MEMBERSHIP LIBRARY-A non-profit with both English and Spanish titles. Summer hours Mon-Fri 10am to 2pm. Tel. 982-3036, mazlibrary@gmail.com NORTH ROTARY CLUB- Meets every Tues. night 8:30pm at El Cid clubhouse. CENTER ROTARY CLUB- Meets every Tues. at 8 am in the Agua Marina Hotel. WEST ROTARY CLUB- Meets every Thurs. night at 8:30pm at the Agua Marina Hotel. TRES ISLAS ORPHANAGE FUNDS- Serving Orfanatorio Mazatlán Salvation Army Home for Children, Father Tovar’s Home for Boys (Hogar San Pablo), Ciudad de los Niños, and FloreSer. One hundred percent of your donations tax deductible. Please visit www.orphanagefunds.org BOYS HOME (HOGAR SAN PABLO)- Paseo del Centenario #9 Centro, Tel. 982-3720 MAZATLAN ORPHANAGE- Zaragoza #227-A Centro Tel. 981-2214 President Cristina Peña de Herrera. SALVATION ARMY HOME FOR CHILDREN- Major Frizzell Tel. 980-7609 HOSPICE MAZATLAN- Sierra Rumorosa #33 Fracc. Lomas de Mazatlán, For Info: Lois Croly Cell: 669-5441. www.hospice-mazatlan-aip.org MELAQUE ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS- Wednesday and Sunday 5 pm at San Patricio by The Sea Church. Contact Sharon 315-355-7203. PUERTO VALLARTA ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS- Meetings Monday to Friday at 8am and 8pm at #1712 Francisco Medina Ascencio in the Hotel Zone. AL ANON- Monday and Friday 6:30 pm step study Saturday 9am. 222-3906, 222-2521 EXPATS IN VALLARTA- July 9 and 22. Wine appetizer evenings. For locations and time check www.expatsinvallarta.com, NARCOTICS ANONYMOUS- Daily 5pm. 222-3906, 222-2521 CODA STEP SISTERS- Tuesday 6:30pm. 222-3906, 222-2521 NIC ANONYMOUS- Monday 9am. 222-3906, 222-2521 ARTS- a 12 step program for creative people, Tuesday 8pm more info Bill at 222-5711 LIONS CLUB- Wednesdays 9:30 pm, Madero #280, 322-222-0313 OVER EASTER ANONYMOUS- Tuesday 5pm. 222-3906, 222-2521 ROTARY CLUB PITILLAL- Thursdays, 9:00 pm, Outback Restaurant. OLD TOWN FARMER’S MARKET- Saturdays 10-2, Pulpito 127. www.oldtownfm.com. Re-opening Nov. 5. NUEVO VALLARTA FRIENDS OF BILL W. Mon. Wed. Fri. 6pm Vallarta time. In Paradise Plaza upper level follow signage to US Consul, to ‘door with notice ‘Friends of Bill W” Contact Adriana (322)297-0064 LO DE MARCOS ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS- 10am at Emiliano Zapata 37, contact Judy Te. (327)275-0328 RINCON DE GUAYABITOS ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS- Monday and Friday 4pm at Peñamar Hotel. ROTARY CLUB MEETINGS- Wednesday, 7:30 am, Restaurant Piña Colada. SAN BLAS ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS (English) - Tuesdays 5:00 pm. Saturdays, 10:00 am. Calle Sinaloa #20. Tel: 323-106-1135 SAN PANCHO ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS- Friday 6:30pm. Tel. (311)258-4488 AL ANON- Monday 5pm. Tel. (311)258-4488 CODA- Wednesday 5pm at Museum next to San Pancho Café more info Glenda Tel. (311)258-4488 SAYULITA ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS-Tuesday, Thursday and Saturday 6:30pm. 222-3906, 222-2521 AL ANON- Thursday 5pm 11 Primavera Street. 222-3906, 222-2521 YELAPA Generic 12 Step meetings on Sunday 4pm at Hotel Lagunitas

El Ojo del Mar / July 2011

The Ojo Crossword

English Church Services – Puerto Vallarta Assembly of God 1 de Junio #333, Col. El Calvario, Pitillal, 322-4163743 Sunday 10:30 AM –English translation Calvary Chapel Pablo Picasso/Diego Rivera #105 (beside La Playa store, just off Ascencio), 322-293-5455 Sunday 10:30 AM - English translation, and 6:30 PM – in English Wednesday 6:30 PM – in English (Bible Study) Centro Cristiano Nuevo Amanecer Sierra Aconagua #111 (next to Bancomer branch on Ascencio), 322-222-3330 Sunday 10:00 AM – English translation Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints Emiliano Zapata #420, 322-209-0592 Sunday 8:00 AM and 12:00 Noon – in Spanish (translators avail.) Sunday 1:00 PM – in English (Sunday School) Worship in Paradise At Paradise Community Centre Sundays 10:00 am Pulpito 129, old town, www.worshipinparadise.org Christ Church by the Sea Blvd Fco. Medina 7936 (across from Airport) Sunday 10:00 am - In English www,christchurchbythesea.org, 322-209-0895 First Baptist Church Argentina #181 (corner Peru, 1 block north of Malecon), 322-222-1722 Sunday 9:45 AM – in English Iglesia Maria Reina de la Paz Albatros #270, Col. Marina Vallarta,322-209-1545 Sunday 11:00 AM - Bilingual Jehovah’s Witnesses Milan #271, Col. Versalles bthomson@prodigy.net.mx Saturday 4:00 pm and Monday 7:00 PM – in English Parroquia de la Santa Cruz Aguacate #233 (at Lazaro Cardenas), Old Town, 322-222-0989 Sunday 11:00 – part English Parroquia De Nuestra Señora De Guadalupe Miguel Hidalgo #370 (2 blocks E. of City Hall, corner of Independencia, Downtown) 322-222-1326 Saturday 5:00 PM – in English Sunday 10:00 AM – Bilingual

English Church Services – Mazatlan San Judas Tadeo Av. De La Ostra, Col. Sabalo Country Sunday 8:45 AM – in English The Vineyard Church Camaron Sabalo #335, Golden Zona (beside Budget Car Rental) Sunday 9:00 AM – in English

English Church Services – Manzanillo Pedro’s Cazuelas Restaurant Miramar Beach Sunday 5:00 PM – in English

English Church Services – Melaque St. Patricio By-The-Sea Sunday 10:30 AM, www.sanpatricio-by-the-sea.com

El Ojo del Mar / July 2011