IT TAKES A VILLAGE - FINDING YOUR MOM TRIBE

Nabila Mayet

Finding mom friends or what is known as a mom tribe is an essential part of surviving motherhood. Our lives are on the fast track, and it may not always be easy to find a group of like-minded mothers to connect with and talk to. Radio Broadcaster, entrepreneur, and mom Nonala Tose Dagada believe “We all need an authentic support structure in our lives no matter where in life we find ourselves.”

Working mothers need support now more than ever. In many homes, mothers are still the primary caregivers to the children, the diary-keeper, chef, and driver, and shouldering this extra load is beginning to get quite heavy.

There is a saying about how moms can lift a car off their children if the situation ever arises, while this may be true, the question remains whether moms should bear the weight of being the sole support and calm for their children? Yes, while a mom can ensure her home life, work life, social life and every other part of life is in order but at what cost? It comes at an exorbitant price: their mental health and overall sanity. Nonala says the African proverb “it takes a village to raise a child” can be expanded to “it takes a global village to raise a child.”

She emphasises that many factors contribute to raising exceptional children, and as a firm believer in God, she knows that her children were meant to shine their own light in the world, with many people playing a role in igniting that flame. For African mothers, Ubuntu means that every child is everyone’s child, and Nonala values the mamas who go out of their way to help her when her hands are full.

Moms deal with enough as it is - and at some point, they too need a place to be themselves, to vent, and to chat with like-minded moms who share in their stresses. It is for this reason that Nonala founded Mamafluencers, a platform that originated during the COVID-19 pandemic to offer mental health support to professional mothers. The aim of the platform is to help moms navigate the challenges of motherhood.

Initially focused on helping mothers cope with the new world of work, Nonala realised the importance of normalising the presence of children during online meetings. While completing her Honors Degree in Psychology, a lecturer encouraged her to investigate what the South African Depression and Anxiety Group (SADAG) does with support groups and to expand the purpose of Mamafluencers to address the need for mental health support among mothers.

The platform aims to provide an authentic support structure for mothers, recognizing that the absence of such support can have a significant impact on mental health.

Why join a mother’s group?

Parenting is not only one of the most important jobs a mother can do but it can be argued that it is also the toughest. Some days parenting can feel like you’re in a warzone with no weapons and it is for these times when you’re feeling stuck, burnt out and out of options that a mom group will help you regain your sanity and show that you’re not alone. A mother’s group is a good platform to share feelings, ideas and sometimes just to vent!

You are not alone!

Whether you have a tantruming toddler or a troubled teen - a support group will help you realise that you are not alone. It provides an open, honest, non-judgmental space to talk about the stresses of motherhood, work and everything in between. By realising that other moms are going through similar hardships you can stop believing that you’re a “bad mom,” or that your child is “bad.”

There are no perfect parents or children - and by coming together and sharing ideas, struggles in a secure space you can rest assured that you and your child will be just fine - mistakes and all.

Self-Care

When you have a lot on your plate it can be overwhelming and could also lead to burn out or a mental breakdown. As such taking the time to focus on you is a very important form of self-care.

Networking Opportunities

A big advantage of joining a parenting group is that it is a place to network, share ideas, generate leads and referrals whether work or home related.

How to find a moms group

Talk to other parents at the playground or grocery store and ask if they know of any good groups.

If you have special needs or concerns, try contacting organisations like SADAG that cater to your situation. Whether you’re parenting multiples, have postpartum depression, raising a child on your own, or caring for a preemie, these groups may be able to refer you to a specialised local or online group.

Connect with other moms online

If you can’t find like-minded mothers where you live, or you just enjoy getting support and advice from others online, try a community like those created by SADAG. Women can join Mamafluencers by sending a WhatsApp message to 072 441 9870, and a link to the application form will be provided. The vetting process is crucial to maintain a safe space for professional mothers to discuss their experiences and seek support.

The creation of support groups for mental health, specifically targeted towards mothers in influential spaces is of utmost importance. Reach out to institutions like SADAG for more information on how to lead a support group. Let’s hold each other’s hands in the pursuit of good mental health.