Everything You Always Wanted to Know About Ordinary People Issue 1

I am a 95 year old German woman and experienced Nazi Germany as a civilian I am a 17 year old blind guy who was shot by his father I am a former Disneyland cast member. I was Alice in Wonderland I am a Syrian immigrant in Germany I am a Waffle House grill operator I am the guy with two penises I am a retired bank robber

AMA/Issue 1

I am a phone sex operator

4

Ask

Me

2

Anything

3

4

Everything You Always Wanted to Know About Ordinary People.

5

6

When people meet the first time, they might spend a considerable amount of time talking about nothing. It takes time to learn what’s really interesting and usually a lot of trustbuilding is involved. “Ask me anything� is a format, that entitles people to cut out the small talk and get straight to the worthwile part. Over time hundreds of people have offered themselves up Foreword

7

to be interrogated via Reddit’s crowdsourced question-and-answer sessions. The assembled Redditors are prompted to ask whatever they want. Questions are voted up and down, and generally speaking, the most popular ones get answered. These interviews can last for as little as an hour or go on for several days.

Celebrities usually use the format towards their professional interest, 8

but regular people tend to open up in fascinating ways. Something about the site licenses people to say and do things that they otherwise wouldn’t. And users suddenly develop eager interest in people they probably wouldn’t even notice offline.

Reddit is, at least by declaration, a socialconvention-free zone.

The genius of the AMA: It imports the aspirational norms of honesty Foreword

9

and authenticity from pseudonymous Internet forums into a public venue with 11 million subscribers. And many of the question-answerers try to follow along, albeit less comfortably than the pseudonymous or anonymous.

This book collects eight AMAs of people who might seem utterly average at first, but experienced and did things in their lives, which made for fascinating 10

biographies. Behind an avarage face often lies a fascinating story.

You only have to ask.

Foreword

11

12

15

I am a 95 year old german woman and experienced Nazi Germany as a civilian 49

151

I am a Waffle House grill operator 185

I am the guy with two penises

I am a 17 year old 225 blind guy who I am a retired was shot by his bank robber father 79

I am a former Disneyland cast member. I was Alice in Wonderland

257

I am a phone sex operator

119

I am a Syrian immigrant in Germany Table of Contents

13

14

I am a 95 year old german woman and experienced Nazi Germany as a civilian

15

Submitted by samuirai

16

I’m sitting here with my grandmother.

She was born in May 1920 and lived all her life in a village in the Black Forest. She went to board school from 6-14 y/o and to a college of housecraft afterwards, where she took afternoon lessons in office work. With 17 she got her first job in a law and collection office. At this time she was active in the Bund deutscher Mädchen 17

(BDM) and in church group. Leaders from the BDM didn’t support her role in the church group and wanted her to stop going there. She refused and was called ‘stubborn’.

From 1939 to 1945 she worked at a company where the wife of the I am a

18

owner was half jew.

They were the only jews in the village and didn’t get imprisoned, because their company was important for the war. In 1944 she got engaged to her first partner. He had to go to war and was missing for 7 years, until she got

95 year old German woman

19

notice that he died at christmas eve, when Englishmen attacked on the december 24. In 1942 her father was at war too. He got captured by the Russians and was imprisoned for 3 1/2 years. When he I am a

20

came back he was extremely underweight from starvation and work. 1955 she got engaged to my grandfather. His first wife died in DĂźsseldorf because of bombing. He died in 2000 in a car accident.

Oh and by the way, I explained reddit to her as a computer newspaper.

95 year old German woman

21

I am a

22

[dylanmurphy97] While your vil-

lage was occupied, did you live in a state of fear, or was there an air of acceptance about the situation?

[samuirai] “When we first

[QuirkyQbana] Firstly Thank you for sharing your story with us on reddit! I wish you health and happiness from Brussels.

Question: As a young woman in a working environment how were you perceived from the typical stay at home mother type? (During the war and post war era)

heard that they were coming, we fled uphill into the forest. We were “It was very normal. Alscared there, because most every women we didn’t know what had to work during the would happen. But we war. And after the war were told to return and many women stayed, stay at home. So w e like I did. Nobody said went back and waited. I should be a housewife.”

First we were insecure [cumbert_cumbert] Who looked after the children while the of what would come, women and men were otherbut once the Moroccan wise preoccupied? soldiers where here and “In the beginning I had came to each house, nanny, and later my they didn’t do anything. mom took care of my kids. I also only worked And they were only looking for jewels and part-time so I was home at lunch.” food. This is when we calmed down. Shortly after french soldiers [jaimystery] Have you ever travcame and they also elled outside of Germany?

Where you surprised to learn stayed at each house about the concentration there. The young french camps? man staying at my “When I was younger place was very polite we visited Austria. But and nice. he even placed we never visited France or England. And I newspaper on the place where he slept to was also very angry at the Englishman for the not make it dirty.”

95 year old German woman

23

dead of my fiancee at christmas eve.”

“Yes. My dad told me some stories about it.

But they were only rumours and I didn’t believe him. And afterwards I was shocked that it was true and even worse. When he came back after war imprisonment he said, that we couldn’t believe how horrific it was.” (his dad didn’t support the nazis and was very angry when he had to go to war.)

[Techynot] What did she think about the Nazis back then?

What was her opinion about the war? And how do they compare to her thoughts today.

many of my friends would be drafted. We were very scared of the war. But nowadays we know what Hitler really intended. And it was horrific. My dad always said that it was bad but I didn’t believe him.

There was a difference in the generations. We young people supported it and liked it, but many of our parents didn’t support it and always said that it’s bad. After the war I realised that my dad was right. And I felt extremely bad.” [fiftystorms] How aware was your community of the concentration camps?

“I thought that the coun- “No we didn’t know. tries wouldn’t like what When my dad had to go Hitler does and that to war, we heard of war is probably coming. rumours that there were But it happened faster camps for jews in the than we thought. east. And that we I mostly though that wouldn’t believe how everything couldn’t be bad it was for them that wrong. But I didn’t there. But when I heard support the war, beit at first, I didn’t because I was scared that lieve it. But when a I am a

24

you. Nobody liked friend of my dad was coming back, he told us them. In our village, we knew the people in how he saw jews in terrible conditions. Es- the SS, and they knew pecially children that us (small village). So we were begging. He even felt safer. In our house we had a young French gave them food but soldier, and he was very they told him, if he does it again, he would polite.” get shot. Still during the war we heard more [mrsmalcolmreynolds] Do you experience lots of deprivaand more stories. But tion after the war? If yes, what we never heard how bad sorts of things were hard to get? What “inventions” were it really is. I think the created to fill shortages? first time we really “Yes, we god food cards heard of how bad con- from the city hall, centration camps were which rationed what we was after the war. The were allowed to buy. french soldier who was But we were able to buy at my house told us, a lot of things on the that we will soon learn ‘black market’. For exabout a lot more horample I used to go to a rific things the germans farm and beg for getdid.” ting more food. The food we were allowed to buy was less and less [vjosiah] Do you feel people (and soldiers) in the village and wasn’t enough. were more hostile/scared when you were under German There were no clothes rule, or when occupied by the to buy. Only clothes for French?

“We were scared of the work was available.”

SS. When you would have said something, they would have taken 95 year old German woman

25

[TheUnamedChild] Let me re-

peat what many have said, thanks for giving us the opportunity to ask questions. My question is, I heard that living in Germany under Hitler was actually not bad. He turned the country around from a crushing depression. Could you shed some light onto this?

“Yes definitely! Thats how Hitler tricked us.

Life was nice. We had no issues with food and work. Before that there were beggars every day at our door asking for a few cents. With hitler everybody had work. And I was very happy about the freeway down to lake constance. Hitler should have left the other countries alone. That was his mistake. He was craving for power.”

in my village didn’t like them much. But we also only had two half jews, which were owners of a very important company. And that’s why nobody said anything against them.”

I asked her what common views about jews were: “They were too business oriented. They were always about the money. It was nothing about the religion.

They were just seen as different people.” sidenote: she had difficulties to remember any particular prejudices. It just seems like they had a bad view, without real reasons.

[Wheeelerv] What is your opin-

[moritzclus] Thanks for doing

this in first place, and second: Did anyone in your village really hate the Jews living there, not just because they where supposed to do so? Greetings from Germany, Bodensee!

ion on German patriotism?

While I was living in Bayern, my German friends seemed hesitant to show any national pride. Is this a common way of thinking? Perhaps they were being polite in front of their American friend?

“We had bad opinions “No. We are not proud. about the jews. A lot of Our history has takprejudices. The people en my pride away from I am a

26

Germany. Now it slowly “My dad saw how many starts to get a bit more jews were collected open again.” in trucks and thought that it was horrible.

When my dad met local [blackjacksandhookers] Did your people in the east, they father and the man you married in 1955 ever talk about didn’t had anything their experiences on the Eastagainst Germans. They ern Front? Or about things they witnessed there? were wondering why “They told about a lot Germany did this. And of dead soldiers from he told us how nice the east and west. Most they were to him.” of the people got sent I asked now a few times to the eastern front. about atrocities, but Also my first fiancee I presume they didn’t was at the eastern front, tell her much about it. but was sent to the Or she would tell me.

Eiffel, where the Eng- She also mentioned lishman attacked. They that she still has a coltold me about how lection of old letters crazy cold it was. We that her dad sent to her used to send them mom during the war. socks and additional And suggested that we clothing. The soldiers should look for them who got home for and read them. Maybe vacations told stories there is something in how they almost got there. killed. And how it was a back and forth.” [blackjacksandhookers] Thanks very much for the reply! Also if it’s possible to get another answer to a more sensitive question: did your relatives talk about any atrocities they saw in the east?

95 year old German woman

27

[aerial1981] What does she think of the Hitler Youth movement, and how they used the public schools to brainwash the children into joining it?

[deleted] Which one are you in this [→ p. 29] picture?

The second visible girl face from the left

“I was out of school when this started. [thetalosprinciple] How did Germany’s views of Hitler change I only know they had to over time? How was he viewed say ‘Hail Hitler’ in before he rose to power?

After he was Cancellor of Gerthe morning and at the many? During and after the end. We were very war? excited about the BDM. “We were enthusiastic It was so much fun. at the beginning. BeThe economy was im- cause everything proved so much changed radically. Life through Hitler, that was great. I kind of I thought groups were supported his plan of great. From time to making a ‘healthy natime we had some po- tion’. For example told litical presentations, us that the disabled and my dad was very people would be brought angry at me for going in nice houses, were there. But most of not allowed to marry, the time we sang tradi- but otherwise they tional volkslieder – we were taken care of in a never really sang nazi good way. To make songs. We danced. the population healthiWe dressed nicely and er. Over time this view marched – like on this changed, when we picture. [→ p. 29] There heard more and more were a lot of fun activi- stories and rumors how he treated disabled ties for us.” people and of working camps, we started to not be as supportive I am a

28

95 year old German woman

29

anymore. Even before the end of the war we realised that Hitler is bad and is to blame for everything.” [gene1113] At the age of 95, what is your favorite invention?

For example my great grandmother once explained about when she first day presliced bread. Thank you so much for doing this AMA.

movies. We listened to a radio sometimes.

But there was not much propaganda as far as I can remember. Even at the Jungmädel, we were just a village. And it was never really political. We usually just had activities like singing.”

“The most important invention is the washing [Johnny_Tempest] Black forest …

I have a question. Are their machine. Any other hams the greatest hams in the technologies come secworld? ond. It’s so amazing “No. The best ham is what kind of technolo- from Italy. But the Black gies got invented.”

Forest ham is great too. We often got ham from Italy, because that [BoxBopChallenge] As a teenager during the rise of the one was better.”

Third Reich, were you exposed to a lot of the propaganda, such as “Triumph of the Will”?

If so, did the propaganda succeed in giving your friends and peers pride in their country and the ideals of the Reich?

I’m curious to see how effective it was.

[eladarine] How does Germany view German participants (your first partner and your father) in the war, today? Are they swept under the carpet or are they celebrated or somewhere inbetween? Thanks!

Bless you!

“I don’t think that I have seen this. We didn’t “We never celebrated have a cinema or TV. soldiers. We were And we never saw any never proud of the war. propaganda movies.

But they were also When we watched some- not viewed as guilty or thing they were regular bad, because they were I am a

30

forced to fight.” gratefulness, I suppose, for all the British soldiers who fought I asked, what is your rein world war II. action or feeling if somebody tells you “I [DEDson] What do you think is fought in the WW2”. the most amazing thing you She says: “Then I know have seen humanity achieve in your long life? What do you that he was forced to consider your best personal fight. And if he wouldn’t accomplishment? have gone, he would “The technology. Washhave gotten punished.” ing Machines, TVs, ...”

“During the war, when “I’m the most proudest our soldiers visited of my job. I was very us, we were a bit proud respected and trusted of them. Only when we and I was allowed slowly realised that to write the secret conwe were loosing the war, tracts in the company.” [go_sens] What job did you do? the opinion changed.

We wanted to have our “I was a secretary.

I wrote letters they dicmen back. And our cities were destroyed. tated to me with a typeThere was no prestige writer. I also learned stenography to quickly for being a soldier.” take notes. I had my [Epiphroni] This is really interown desk and my own esting because it’s the complete opposite to Britain, typewriter.” and conscription existed here too. Here there are war memorials in every single small town, with names of all who fought on them, and, for example, the majority of private schools have plaques with the names of former pupils who went to fight on them also. Add to this the church memorial services every year, etc.

I would say there’s a strong sense of pride and ...

95 year old German woman

[unimatrix_0] Grüss Gott. How

did you hear about the end of the war? What was the reaction where you were?

“I don’t remember where I was when I heard it. But I remember that I was very happy, because I was expecting

31

my fiancee to come back. I thought he was in english imprisonment, and the English released soldiers very early. Unlike the Russians. But he never came back. I waited 7 years for him.”

[↑ Enchanted_Bunny] [That_Jewish_Boy] If it is your

aunt’s father then that would be your grandfather wouldn’t it? [theoldno2] I’m guessing aunt by marriage.

[DarthLurker] So spouses grandfather, or their kids great grandfather ...

[ScrewAttackThis] What? No. Your aunt/uncle isn’t always related by blood. If your father’s brother marries a woman, [KiwiNachSchland] That is so she is your aunt but her father incredibly sad. May I ask what is not your grandfather.

[MuonManLaserJab] Grandfather happened to him? [samuirai] “He died in the Eifel. - in-law. I’m uncertain where The Englishman attacked the aunt could come in. on the 24th december (at christmas). And the Germans [↑ That_Jewish_Boy] [Enchanted_Bunny] She’s techniwere not prepared. That’s why I will never visit England. cally my half-aunt I’m very angry that they [↑ Enchanted_Bunny] attacked at christmas eve.

Shortly before the war ended [Dark_Plasma] Feild artillary is all estimation and fuzzy math. he was home for vacation because he rescued a comrade Source – im a forward observer. out of the sea. And a neigh- [dietbroccoli] 26x4/3.14 = 33.12 bour said to him, that if he Fire the fucking missiles! always goes on vacation like [HEBushido] Friendly fire isn’t. this, we will never win the [↑ Drunk-Scientist] war.”

[Drunk-Scientist] Eifel around [samuirai] „Yes I think that was Christmas Eve was probably the one. I think I remember the midst of the Battle of that name.“ the Bulge during the Allied [chiped_rock] My father’s only counter-offensive.

[Enchanted_Bunny] My aunt’s fa- brother survived The Bulge in a ther died at that battle. The foxhole, with two dead men. artillerymen miscalculated and He was never the same. a shell fell short. [sneakywaffles1] Man, if I was in [NiggyWiggyWoo] My grandfather a war on the scale of WW2, fought in that battle. He was and shelled my own people ... a master sergeant, and earned How the hell do you even live several medals including a with that? It’s inevitable when silver star, and a purple heart war is on a scale such as (both were earned during the that, but still. You have to live Battle of the Bulge.) with yourself, the person that The silver star was awarded to fucked up a shell. him when he crawled into the

I am a

32

middle of a firefight to retrieve a wounded high ranking official, but by the time my grandfather reached him, the official was shot in the head. So he just retrieved the body. My GF was renowned for being stubborn, and a total badass.

He once fell off a ladder, and broke his back (unbeknownst to him.) He carried on for a week before going to the hospital, for obvious back pains (this was after the war).

He died on April 1st (yeahhh ...

April fool’s day) many years before I was born (not from the war, but of pancreatic issues).

I sincerely would give my left nut just to have met the man.

I’ve only seen 2 pictures of him in my entire life.

[Katastrophenalarm] My Dad told

me the following: My Granddad’s best friend died in his (my Granddad’s) arms on Christmas eve 1944 in Belgium from artillery shelling by Allied forces. He never get over it and all following Christmas eves the memories came back and really messed him up at a time were the family should have had a good time. Unfortunately he died in the 70’s due to his smoking habits and I never met him.

Thanks for pointing out the name of this battle, I’ll verify if this really happened during „Battle of the Bulge“ and hopefully reveal another missing part of my family’s history. That is why I love reddit.

[SallySubterfuge] My grandfather was a staff sgt. In the US 9th Armored Division which captured the Remagen bridge

95 year old German woman

during the Battle of the Bulge.

He made it home and lived to be an old man who was loved by many. Thank you for sharing this post OP. [↑ samurai] [UgbaEnglish] As an Englishman

this is quite upsetting to hear.

You would be welcome here always, i’m sorry to hear about your fiancee. The loss of a loved one is a pain that transcends geography and nationality and political values; whatever the situation your loss is your loss and you have every right to be angry. War is usually caused by a minority of people in each country and it is the citizens who suffer most. From one citizen of a country to another I wish you luck and give my deepest condolences for your loss.

Kind regards, A slightly jarred Englishman EDIT: Thank you kind stranger for the gold and I have to say I didnt expect so many positive responses to this comment, I didnt really expect much at all lol. But I’m really happy there are lots of people who feel the same way!

One more quick edit: Just wanted to clarify as it seems I have potentially offended a couple of people. A) I have no idea why people think i’m apologising for the British fighting the Nazis? I’m not. B) My apology is purely for her loss, no matter the circumstances I am sorry for her loss.

Simple. Nothing more nothing less. C) Shouting that i’m wrong to show compassion to this woman because your grandparents fought in world

33

war 2 is a non-argument. In fact a large percentage of my very much naval family, died in world war 2. But those who survived taught me that Germany had its victims too and to show compassion to anyone regardless of creed or colour.

[Itchy_butt] My mother was 14 in Berlin when her mother was killed in an allied bombing.

As far as she knew, she was the only one pulled out of the building alive.

After she came to Canada, her best friend for over 20 years was a British woman who had lived in the south of England during the blitz. They both were very afraid during thunder storms, and could each understand the other’s fear. Hearing air raid sirens in tv shows was the same.

Nationality didn’t phase them ... they both knew what war could do and how horrible life could become. They bonded over that.

[UgbaEnglish] Wow that’s interesting and kind of beautiful too. War is a strange concept to get your head around for someone like me who has, for the most part, led a very comfortable life. I think it shows a great level of understanding and spirit to be able to look at a person who, through your governments eyes, should be your enemy and see them as a victim just as much as you. No doubt that bond was a strong one indeed. [↑ Itchy_butt] [SalishSailor] Interesting, my

grandmother survived bombings in Munich and now has a

I am a

coffee or bridge group or something with a couple of old ladies who survived bombings in Britain. They’re good friends, basically having similar histories despite being on opposite sides. [sneakywaffles1] “Nationality

didn’t phase them ... they both knew what war could do and how horrible life could become.”

I hope we all never forget. The war touched more or less everyone in some way. Some more cruel than others. I hope we never end there again.

We don’t need to bond over horrible shit, let’s rather bond humanity together over space travel or something less destructive. [deleted] This sounds like a Lifetime movie that I would actually watch. I don’t mean that disrespectfully, it’s the exact kind of „story about women aimed at women“ that I’d really enjoy. [bickbastardly] That’s a hell of story right there.

[BoogalooShripm] I am glad to

hear that something positive came out of something horrible.

[↑ UgbaEnglish] [samuirai] She teared up. „I

would have never though that I will ever hear an Englishman would ever feel sorry for me for this. I just wish I could tell his twin sister about this. She lost two more brothers. But she died a little over a year ago. This all was

34

so horrible. If I would still be able to travel, I would like go there.“ Thank you for your kind words. Empathy doesn’t mean to excuse the wrongdoings of Nazi Germany.

[UgbaEnglish] Ahh that’s wonderful to hear and it’s a shame that his twin sister couldn’t live to see the world change for the better. Thank you both for taking the time to come here and share and enlighten us, I wish you both the best of luck in life and I hope the coming days will be good to you. Much love, Your friend in England [samuirai] Just a minute ago she said „now I’m not mad at englishman anymore“ [UgbaEnglish] I’m glad. :) Tell her thank you for listening and also you yourself have done a cool thing allowing your grandma to connect with so many people regarding her experiences.

Ahh I feel all warm and fuzzy now :D

a part of a newer generation is learn and improve based on the suffering of those before us.

Besides im sure you’re a lovely person, if he’d looked past the surface for just a second he would probably have found that hard to deny as well.

[Betterthanbeer] My Gran sheltered a young German airman, shot down over Scotland.

Her rationale was that this teenager was nobody’s enemy, and she hoped some Frau would do the same for her son.

He became something of a local hero. Rather than go into the shelters during raids, which would seem hypocritical, he joined up with the firefighters. It was a bit of an open secret. He eventually gave himself up, due to imposing on other people’s rations.

[UgbaEnglish] That’s fascinating, I really like stories like this.

Good chap! [jmadrox] Great comment. My

grandfather was a Polish pow, he was captured by the connecting fight in Japan Germans, forced to watch on the way to the Philippines his house burnt to the ground, I caught sight of an old man separated from his family staring at me. It wasn’t a glare then forced to work as no better than a slave for years. He was of hate, it was more a look of disgust. I don’t think we’ll ever beaten beaten within inches of his life, spat on and he was be forgiven ... not from that only 12. I asked him, when I generation anyway.

[UgbaEnglish] I’m sorry to hear was 12, „do you hate the Gerthat, who knows if that man mans got what they did to had good reasons to feel the you?“ He said „no, hate is what way he feels, the fact recaused it. They were brainmains that you are not your washed, or following orders. fore bearers as I am not mine. There is to much hate in the I guess people like that will world already, it doesn’t need hold their prejudices and a pre- mine. judice by its very nature wont change easily, all we can do as [egalroc] When I was making a

95 year old German woman

35

[skankyfish] This is beautifully

put. I’m a Scot (living in England) and far too young to remember the war, but I’d echo every word. I’ve visited Germany and had nothing but gratitude at the welcome I received and respect for the country and people. I feel lucky to be living at a time where I can not just remember the war (albeit it secondand third-hand) but be part of the generations who work towards stopping it happening again. I feel like the internet has a big part in that – the more connections we make across countries, continents, religions and other barriers, the harder we make it for our governments to engineer these conflicts.

[UgbaEnglish] Couldn’t agree more. Im having a slight disagreement with another chap on another comment about allowing the more influential minority to make such heavy decisions for the whole. Arguably the internet is the first big step towards that. Well put sir! [skankyfish] Cheers!

did, I shouldn’t stay for pride of my country. I should just grab my passport, my money, my family and get out. Your words reminded me of his.

[UgbaEnglish] I think that was a wise man and frankly i’m flattered by that, very much so, I think it’s a good point as well that ones loved ones should, and always will, come first and to let ideology ruin that could be nothing less than a tragedy.

Thanks for commenting! :) [↑ samurai] [madziepan] I hope your Grand-

ma gets to hear this. My family are mostly from my local area which is a village in the North of England. This is a piece of local history about the war and I hope it can help improve your Grandmas opinion of us during the war.

Nearly all soldiers involved in war are doing it out of duty and patriotism, and the effect they have on others lives haunts them forever. You have the deepest compassion from me for your loss.

During WW2 our village was much smaller and very out of the way of fighting. One day, [hippiebanana] I expect this will a plane landed, broken, with get buried now, but I wanted an unexploded bomb. The imto add: I visited Bosnia several pact created a crater which years ago and spoke to a can still be seen today. Local man who told me that when a farmers rushed to the scene tank is bearing down on your and pulled a young 17 year old city, or people are shooting at soldier from the plane – a your family from the mounGerman soldier. What they did tains, there is no nationalism. for him fascinates me. Despite There is only you and the all the anti german popaganpeople you love. He believed da, the avarge local people no country was worth fighting banded together. They gave for and told me that if I ever him fresh clothes, a lace to stay, saw signs of my own country job on the darm, food etc. fracturing the way Yugoslavia They burnt the unuform and I am a

36

lied to officials that the plane had been empty. They risked their lives to keep him out of a pow camp. He stayed here, he settled with a family in one of the new council houses built post war which is the house I grew up in. My old next door neighbours (rip <3) would fondly recall him. [samuirai] in a very sad tone „that is nice ... that is the other side of the war“ [↑ samurai] [throwaway241214] As an English-

man I find this comment understandable, but you must understand that in war everything is unacceptable. My grandfather was a pilot in the RAF, he was a flight sergeant in air recon. Based in the north of England. Before the war in 38, he flew missions into Germany to film the German Navy, fast in fast out, low. He explained to me that it was his job, he had a preservation to get home. We was shot down the day after war was declared and captured.

He was held by the police and handed to the Gestapo and placed in a camp with political prisoners for 8 months, then moved to a work camp ... Summing up he was treated very badly- so much so that is unit was NOT told that he was held by the German forces, effectively declared as missing in action and the KIA. When the Russian forces pushed forward, he found to his shock that the German Guards left the camp unguarded as they fled.

We he and other camp POWs left and moved into a town 95 year old German woman

close by, the town folk would not even given them water- he pleaded, but of it came on deaf ears.

As I was young, and during the 70’s asking my Grandfather about it, he would tear up, i never understood. Until after he died, at the wake, a two surviving members of his unit told me what he had to do to survive behind the lines. They explained to me that he was held in Belsen, he was witness to the extermination of fellow soldiers and civilians in that camp. It haunted him every single day for the rest of his life, I would remember him getting up a 1 or 2am to get a sniff of brandy to help him sleep.

You see the German forces systematically killed woman and children if front of him and in his bible there were little marks within the texts and numbers, this was his tally of those wthat were killed. I stopped counting at 758. Sadly today, all his comrades are at rest, the last was laid to rest in 92.

I still have his bible, I still have his red cross cards he wrote but never sent.

[EyesEarsMouthAndNose] During WWI, soldiers on the ground of both sides would have an informal cease fire on Christmas to give respect to the Prince of Peace. It looks like that tradition did not carry over into WWII. [LegateVarrus] That only happened in 1914 to my understanding ... Once the generalship were informed of the fraternizing they put a stop to it immediately. It did not occur again, to my knowledge,

37

through out the war.

[ReginaldDwight] I always think this is bizarrely wonderful every time I read about it. To be able to set aside all the preconceived notions about the enemy, all the propaganda floating around in their minds in order to exchange carols, souvenirs, allow the other side to respectfully bury their dead all because it’s Christmas and neither side felt like continuing to shoot at each other that day in the midst of a vicious war is almost unthinkable. I mean that in a positive way ... it’s just impressive that so many pockets of soldiers along the western front spontaneously did this. Not surprising, however, that both sides were given very strict orders against fraternization the next year and by 1916, everyone was so bogged down and sick of the war that they had no interest in friendly exchanges with the enemy. [collinsl02] Well throughout the war there were regular organised case fires to bury dead, but these didn’t really involve fraternisation like Christmas 1914.

the ‚true americans’, not the fake we see today) [RedSocks157] you’re not wrong, you’re just as asshole [heretohelphomie] Did you respond to the right comment?

[Tempestyze] ye

[↑ samurai] [heretohelphomie] I imagine a lot

[JustSomeBear] How was your

of the English are still a little upset, too.

[Tempestyze] You don’t sound credible, given your country massacred millions of indigenous people after the war during decolonization. Oh and you raped the US and introduced the Europeans there, killing off hundreds of thousands of real INDIGENOUS Americans tribes (which were I am a

[VladaBudala] Well, Germans did the quite similar thing when they bombed Belgrade on the morning of Easter.

German soldier writing „Happy Easter“ on a bomb.

[Moviefone_Kramer] That’s terri-

ble although I doubt the Germans let their guard down because it was Christmas eve. [zdrose] yes, that is her version of course. She didn’t know the realities of front line war.

experience with soldiers who had to stay in Germany after the war (in order to do hours to be able to return home)? I’ve heard some very nice things and very bad things about them.

“There were no soldiers staying after the occupation. We were a small village. There were 38

military barracks, but I would be hostile. They know nothing about it.” were looking for jewels and food. And we heard about stories [A_solitary_sock] How were you that they raped a and you’re family affected by post ww1 hyper inflation in few women, but not in Weimar Germany?

“We lived in a home be- our village. So we longing to the compa- hid a lot of young girls. ny where my mom, dad We also didn’t speak the same language. So and I worked. Our family lost everything. we had to communicate with hand signs.”

My grandfather had a ropery and he earned a lot. He kept a lof of [H_Junior] After WW2, did you ever think that another money in a cigar case. world war was DEFINITELY He kept this money like coming at any moment? a treasure because he “Yes of course! When wanted to buy a house. you (pointing at OP) And he always hoped were born, there were that it would be worth news and rumours anything again.” about Russians attacking. And I was crying the whole night and was [one2one2v2] What was it like to live in a village occupied by so scared.” the Moroccans?

Did your father suffer from PTSD or did you know anyone who had “issues” after the war?

[SicTransitEtc] What was your favorite part about growing up in a village in the Black Forest?

Has the village become a bigger city or is it similar today to the way it was when you were a girl?

“The Moroccans were only there a few days before the French came.

The French soldiers “It didn’t change much. sent Maroccans ahead A lot of people moved incase the germans away and a lot of people 95 year old German woman

39

your own life while helping.” my oma says: “Don’t be alone. Eat together.

And if you have to go into a retirement home, don’t be alone. Look for people to communicate with.”

My oma was an indepen[Blahblahblah2063] Do you have any tips on how to keep stay- dent women who did ing physically active throughactivities every day on out the years?

“Every morning me and her own. Until she my husband did gym- got her stroke a few nastics. Even at my old months ago. This has image I did some exercis- pacted her and my moms life a lot, because es each morning. We now she is living here also went hiking each and needs help with sunday.” a lot. We are fortunate enough to pay for [archydarky] Any helpful advice additional help. If we to give to someone when it comes to taking care of older would not have it, relatives? Tips that make it we would try to find a easier for both the caretaker good retirement-home and recipient.

Also, do you think German culand visit as much as ture has advanced during the time that you have been alive? we can. moved in. A lot of old jobs went away, like the tannery, which the village was very famous for. We have some more industry, but the character of the village is still the same.”

Are there things that you prefer from a certain time period?

Thanks for your time.

My mom: “if you can pay for it, it’s very helpful to get an assistant.

So that you don’t loose I am a

40

[Berg_Man] When and how did you realize that Germany had lost the war? Were newspapers being honest in 1944 and 1945 about the country’s situation?

[HamburglarrPLS] Do you have any close connections to anyone captured by the Nazis?

“No, nobody. But almost.

My cousin’s mother was “The newspaper didn’t a known communist.” write about that Germany was losing the war.

[White_ghost] When did you realize the war was turning They were not allowed quickly against Germany? And to. We knew about how did you feel? it from the soldiers that “over a year before the were on vacation and end of the war we startfrom rumours.” ed to know. We heard more rumours and stories from soldiers that [lwill0110] What was it like in were visiting.” the BDM? What did you do that you really enjoyed? What did you dislike?

“I prepared stories at home to read the next day. We sung a lot of Volkslieder and did a lot of sports. I played the guitar at that time.

I always tried to avoid political topics. I was very careful about politics. It was too dangerous if you said something wrong.” [markaflias] Did you eat knödel

back in the days ? Thx for doing this and keep on going.

[whiteboys] What do you think

of the world today? What are your thoughts of the United States?

Very loudly: “The world is crazy! It was more peaceful back then.

Humans are much more aggressive nowadays.”

“Everything comes from america. America is excessive. In the past I would have liked to go to america but today I think it’s exaggerated now.”

“Yeah of course.”

95 year old German woman

41

when they told me I either have to build a house or give up the property, I decided to marry. And my hus“The business I worked band also wanted to build the house then.” closed after the war.

Because it was a cloth mill. We would have [PM_ME_ANYTHING_UWANT] how needed to upgrade much did the views in the post war years truly reflect the to new machinery, but reality of the war? Did Germans there was no money. try to bury the past - what was living under the occupied But I found a job at an allies like in comparison? attorney office for “No. We were glad when about 2 years. After Hitler was gone. We that I got a job at a were very sad that Gersmall company, which many was so destroyed. is now very big. But I But we also destroyed was not a secretary any- a lot. They were honest more. I was working about it. For example in sales. I stayed there the newspaper wrote until old-age pension. that we were guilty of January 1955 I married. the war.”

I had one dead birth in the 4th month. But [recommendable] How did you then I got my first meet your husband in 1955 and could you share a happy daughter 1956 and my memory about your engagesecond daughter in ment?

1957. I reserved a prop- “I decided to go to a erty for a house for dance party in the next two years. But I haven’t village. My good friend had the money to didn’t come with me, build a house yet. So so I meet up with other [Esenem] A lot of these questions have focused on the WW2 period, so I would like to ask; Do you have any experiences or stories you would like to share from the 50’s/60’s/70’s?

I am a

42

a man with a good job, friends. It was dark in the living room where who can sustain a we met. And I thought family; and children” there is a friend of mine sitting there, and [Antnik45] Whilst your village was under occupation during I poked him with my World War 2, was there a umbrella. But then it certain consensus about how people viewed other countries turned out that it was as enemies? In other words, another man. I was did you and your community see the Allied Forces as a real sooo embarrassed. But threat to you before the end it was fine and we deof the war? cided to go all together “We didn’t see them to the dance party. as enemies. This young A friend joked that I will french soldier who marry him, I said that stayed with us was so would be ridiculous. But nice. I never had a enI lost that bet and emy stereotype against married him 6 months people from anothlater.” er country. I was glad “We went to the city when the war was over.” hall and asked for an extension on the [tenminuteslate] Which was the best decade and why? property we had until “When I was young. So we were married. they agreed. And I was from 20-28.” very happy.” [marley88] What was your [scooping_kiwis] As a 95 year

old, what are your top 5 activities you believe everyone should do at least once?

perception of the British and Americans during the war?

Thanks for this interesting AMA!

“I was not very well “Join friends for activ- versed. I didn’t know ities; find a good part- much about them.

I felt like the english ner and marry; find 95 year old German woman

43

soldiers were more ‘soldier’ than the americans. The american soldiers are so wishywashy. I don’t really know.”

[TheBeachWhale] Thanks so

much for doing this! How did you almost get shot? What did you leave the house for?

Would you mind telling the story? Thank you so much!

“During the occupations when the french soldiers arrived, nobody was allowed to leave the house. I really liked the neighbours women who was sick. So I thought, she is alone, and I could go over to her house and keep her company. I thought I could quietly/quickly run over there. Just when I wanted to enter the house, a bullet hit the ground next to me.

I was very scared and didn’t want to go back home. And my mom didn’t know that I went to our neighbour.

Half an hour later I ran I am a

back. But there were some people who left their houses and got shot. My mom was very very angry.” [soyougottoletmeknow] I’m an Israeli Jew, my grandparents are both holocaust survivors.

I’ve been very patriotic for my first ~25 years in Israel, but as a dad in my thirties I feel disillusioned and cheated

by Israel. Every terrible country is terrible in its own way, and comparisons hardly serve the discussion because so much is different, and of course Israel is nowhere like Nazi Germany at the height of the holocaust - but Israel is doing terrible things to my mind. We’re not the victim anymore, we’re a nuclear superpower controlling a population as big as our own with military might; we told ourselves our imaginary friend gave us our land, and completely ignore the people who were already there.

I often felt there like a decent German in the early 1930s, like a decent white South African in the 1980s. So I left. My small family moved to Europe about two years ago. I’m a decently successful lawyer, did well in Israel and in Europe. My English is splendid, my manners are half-European, my wife and daughter are happy here. But I’m homesick like I can’t describe. I miss my friends, I miss my country, I miss my language, I miss the beach. I feel like I’ve given

44

up and ran away, which is sort of what I did. In my twenties I spent so much time trying to help my country in the army (I was an officer, served eight years), and in hindsight all I did was wrong, or, at least, just didn’t help.

I want to go home. Life in Israel is, indeed, reasonably good.

The economy is OK if you’re upper middle class, Tel-Aviv is such a wonderful city (other than during the biennial war on Gaza, when you suddenly discover how racist very nice people can be). I’ll devote half my work to pro-bono cases, I’ll send my kids to one of the very few Israel-Arab schools, I’ll do what I can to shield them from the fascism and racism encroaching on Israel. But my taxes will still fund the occupation of Gaza.

I desperately want to hear your grandmas advice. What does she think? And, to clarify, I’m not asking her for personal advice, to go back or not.

I want to know what does she thinks decent Germans should have done in her times.

I understand she didn’t know about a lot of things. Had she known, and was able to leave ... would she?

anything, because they would have taken you away. Communist people who demonstrated, were taken away. I as an insignificant person feel powerless. You should be careful to not loose your job. Though, I would never have left Germany. That would have been too easy.

I wouldn’t have been brave enough to do anything” She added “I never liked to do the ‘Hail Hitler’ greeting because it’s distasteful and preferred to say ‘good morning’.” [hitlershomie] Out of the 95

no doubt about awesome years

Oh wow. This is a heavy you’ve lived, what memory sticks out the most? Edit: topic :( I wish you please disregard name. Totally all the best to you, your not his homie. family and kids.

“My amours.”

“Even if we had known. laughing loud I would have been too scared. We wouldn’t have been able to say 95 year old German woman

45

[jujihai] Thanks for doing this!

Did your husband talk about the way the Russians treated him in the prison camp?

[rsdude0] Please tell us what advice you would give to young people today about living life to it’s fullest and overcoming adversity?

“It was horrible. Not “Listen, I want to tell enough food. Always you something. I had wearing the same cloths. those problems too.

If they didn’t follow I lost people. they got hurt. They Just pull together, life didn’t tell much. Rus- goes on!” sian prison camps were worse than english [FrenchLama] Hi! I’m a French or french prison camps.” young man. Thank you and [maximusprime7] How do you feel about people who don’t believe the Holocaust was real?

your grandma for doing his AMA! Stories are great.

Does your grandma have any advice about German girls ?

“It makes me so angry when we make a date “That’s so stupid. So and he arrives 30-60 stupid.” min late. This also happened to my husband “I’m very angry at on our first date. I was computers. Since they very very angry about exist family life is that. So angry that destroyed. Everything when another man sat is centered around next to me, I went to your computers.” oops! drink coffee with him.” [allstarrunner] What was your

reaction when you found out Hitler had killed himself?

“Good.”

[doffensmush] Did you vote for the Nazi party? (this can mean that you weren’t a Nazi but were just in the hype so much that you voted for the Nazi party if that is the case)

She was too young to vote in ~1933 (13 y/o) I am a

46

“When I was older there was nothing to vote on.”

[doffensmush] did your parents vote for the nazi party?

“No, they voted social democrats. Or another democrat party I don’t remember.”

95 year old German woman

47

48

I am a 17 year old blind guy who was shot by his father

49

Submitted by Nighthawk321

50

My name is Ross Minor. Iâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;m 17 years old.

When I was eight, I found out my parents were getting a divorce.

My father, upset with it, shot me in the right side of my head while I was asleep.

He shot and killed my brother Ryan, and then committed suicide.

The bullet passed through my head and out my left temple and into my left palm.

As a result, I lost my 51

left eye, all the sight in my right eye, my sense of smell, I have depression, and PTSD. After the event, I was in the hospital for I believe 5 weeks. Thankfully it was during the summer, so I wasnâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t held back a grade. After everything that happened, I spent most of my childhood moving from school to school, trying to find a one that would adequately provide my needs as I am a

52

a blind student. My mom more or less gave all of my brothers belongings away, save a few special ones that we keep in a box.

When I began school again, everyone was very accepting of me and it was almost like nothing had changed. But when 4th grade rolled around, mom had to pull me out because it was costing her thousands upon thousands to pay a teacher for 17 year old blind guy who was shot by his father

53

the visually impared (TVI). We then switched states and enrolled me in a public school for half a year until we decided to move back to our original home.

There I attended yet another public school, already forgotten by my friends.

When I was in 7th grade, that was when we dropped our lives, moved states, and enrolled me in a school for the blind. At my previI am a

54

ous schools, I felt like a social outcast and I felt like going to a school for the blind would be more accepting. I stayed there for a while, but after a couple years I wanted to experience life with sighted people. So now I attend a private school and that’s where I am now.

As far as my dad’s side of the family, they’ve cut off all contact with me and my mom and 17 year old blind guy who was shot by his father

55

blame her for what happened. Edit: Thank you to everyone who has been so supportive of me.

I am a

56

[SoloJota] How do you use the computer?

[Nighthawk321]

With a keyboard, haaha jk.

I have a program on my computer that reads the text on my screen.

gusted by how often I hear of the huge disparities found in services from county to county and state to state.

My mom had to take the school system in Charlotte, NC, to due process. We eventually won the case, [Dalner] Just watched the XMO but no after we ended video and came here to tell you how a courageous and up moving to Florida inspirational person you are. and enrolling me in the Also, I love your username man, is it a step brothers reference? Florida School for Thank you for watch- the Deaf and Blind. I’ve ing! No it isn’t, I’ve just since left that school used it for as long as I and settled in a nice little private school to can remember lol. finish the rest of high [seluj1234] Hey mate. I see life school. hasn’t been easy for you. All my thoughts go to you, but I’m 99% sure that if you made it way until now, nothing else can stop you in life. How is your mum? hope she is holding up Much love from France

Thanks mate! For a while, mom struggled with extreme depression. Now she is engaged and doing fantastic.

[ChompyGator] Where did you did you finally find a place that had a school to adequately teach you? I am a special education teacher and am dis-

[flyingsaucerinvasion] is it

difficult to remember what the colors look like?

Nope not at all. I don’t think that’s something I could ever forget. [eddietwang] may have been

asked elsewhere but how do you reddit?

Only about 10’000 times :) I have a program on my computer that reads the text on my screen.

17 year old blind guy who was shot by his father

57

[icatsouki] Is your depression getting better? Stay strong man you have inspired a lot of people, trust me going through something of that degree and staying strong is very admirable. Best of luck to you

Oh yes it has improved a ton since I got on antidepressants.

[ziburinis] The US is still so behind in serving the needs of people with disabilities. One school district didn’t teach a guy to read because he was deaf and they said he couldn’t learn, which was a lie.

Yeah I very much believe it.

[dick-nipples] As a father of two young kids, I just can’t fathom how a man could get to the point of doing something like that ... Were there any warning signs that you can remember, or was it just a random act, out-of-the-blue?

My mom knows more of the back story, but at the time, no, we had no idea.

[PainMatrix] Sorry if you posted this already, but what’s the backstory?

[Nighthawk321] Almost nothing tbh, just that my parents were getting a divorce. [nutmegtell] Divorce brings out the very very worst in people.

I’m terribly sorry for the loss of your brother and all the PTSD.

I am a

No child should go through that. My heart goes out to your mother. What a mess. [username_00001] I found my parents divorce documents when I was a kid. Searched them through to get a better understanding of what happened. DONT DO THAT. DO NOT DO THAT. I would have been much happier just not knowing in that situation.

It really is just an awful situation and people doing what they need to do, it isn’t “them”, it’s an awful expression of both sides that the attorneys wrote up. [wood3029] While I was living with my parents at 23, my mom left the house (10 years in the making), and my dad developed a bad Drinking and Anti-depression medication routine that made me and my brother kick his ass (mostly chew him out, but one MAJOR fight) a few times (my whole family is made of assholes, but the things he was doing was getting out of hand). He has stopped using antidepressants.

Not saying this is anything close to what he has encountered, but I’ve never been so unaware of who someone was because of the situation. edit: Moving all of his guns into my safe was the FIRST thing we did. [ghost_zebra] When I was ready to get a divorce, he snapped and shot himself. I consider my children and myself to be incredibly lucky that we were unharmed. Especially for how violent he had the tendency to be.

[2crudedudes] Maybe this isn’t the right question, but please

58

understand that I really don’t get it. How’d you wind up marrying a guy like that? What about him made you ignore his violent temper?

[Thin-White-Duke] People usually don’t start off like that. [ghost_zebra] Well, for me, I was very young. I was the nerdy girl, in school who never got much attention from boys, one day I meet one who actually likes me! About 4 months later I got pregnant and we thought it was the greatest thing ever!

I was only 17 and still, he was extremely nice to me and I thought life was going to be perfect. Then I moved in with him, we got a tiny apartment next to my school, he lost his temper a few times while I was pregnant but I was convinced he was very sorry and he promised he’d never do it again, he just over reacted because he cared so much. Believing everything had to get better, I married him in a courthouse so I could get I on his insurance (baby #2). Things didn’t get better and only got worse, count less evidence of cheating, drugs, a lot of abuse ...

When I actually wanted out, I couldn’t. I literally had nowhere to go. My parents were living in a house that needs condemned (horders) and I had no friends anymore, no job, nothing. He made sure I completely relied on him to survive.

Eventually I grew enough to realize that my kids and myself deserve better, that I COULD survive. I started applying for jobs and finding ways to get out. When that realization sunk in that I was really done, he snapped and killed himself

only telling me, “it’s too late, it’s all over”. That was almost 5 years ago and it taught me a lot about life, and to never ever settle or think there’s something I can’t do. [↑ Nighthawk321] [BigglesNZ] I guess your dad

wanted to punish your mum in the worst way possible for wanting to divorce him.

It sounds like he was a terrible psychopath and there was probably many good reasons for the divorce. I’m saddened that you (as an innocent child) bore the brunt of his anger.

[Rain12913] How do you make sense of why he did it?

And how do you feel about him?

[StNic54] I don’t think there is any sense to be made in those situations.

[2crudedudes] Unfortunately, a lot of things in life just happen.

There is no universal “sense” as humans understand it.

[Rain12913] Right, but what I was asking is how does he make sense of it. We all have explanations for the things that happen in our lives, whether we’re conscious of them or not. Often these explanations are not fully developed, or have built in beliefs that haunt us, particularly when they’re in regard to something extremely painful. It can help to work on shaping these narratives that we carry with us, or at least to bring them into conscious awareness so that we can someday begin to process them. And I’m not suggesting that OP needs to do this work now, I’m simply

17 year old blind guy who was shot by his father

59

curious about how he’s making but when I was college aged, I met up with some people sense of this. who were enrolled at Western [deleted] So you have no clue Michigan University’s school why your dad did it other than for blind (i’m not entirely sure if it was a separate school, the divorce? Familicide is pretty common. the guys who or just specialized classes, or do it usually have something what) and several of them in common. have you read up were great friends of mine for a long time. I don’t know on this stuff? do you think your dad has anything in com- how many other colleges might have something like that, mon with other men who’ve but just throwing it out there. killed their family?

OTOH, as a southerner, you’d [plumbtree] Well he definitely probably want to shrivel up and has at least one thing in com- die during Michigan winter. mon with them. [deleted] a genuinely interesting [PainMatrix] Also father of question to OP and it’s gettwo young kids, seriously can’t ting downvoted, i bet because even imagine the multiple people are deeming it insen- levels of hell I’d have to pass sitive ... shame. through before even fath[Bobstein_bear] Yeah I mean oming something like this as we can’t be the only ones who an out. [supermainlander] It happens, it’s are curious about the backstory and history that lead up really sick and sad. Reminds me of this Canadian guy who to this terrible event. [deleted] [deleted] stabbed his two kids 20+ times after his wife left him. He [↑ PainMatrix] said he did it so she would [wise_comment] Did you ever never be happy again. https:// have adult heart to hearts with en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Guy_Turcotte your parents in High School? _killings [I_have_popcorn] That story I mean, we talked and they started treating me like a not- made me cry. I hate people. kid, but the real earnest heart [all_the_pineapple] I can’t bring myself to read about that ... to hearts didn’t happen until the mid to late twenties, for me i just can’t imagine how someone could ever do that. at least [robhutten] Read all the friendly [↑ Nighthawk321] and positive things people [FormerGameDev] Hey Nightare saying in this post. People hawk, I know this isn’t relevant are generally wonderful; to the topic I’m replying on, don’t let the aberrations disbut since we have to put tract you from that. non-questions in subthreads, I figured I’d just reply to you [↑ supermainlander] somewhere, so you’d see it. [jochillin] I just truly can’t comI can’t say how they compare prehend feeling that way. I love to any other blind university, my wife, and I would be broken I am a

60

hearted if she completely betrayed me, but I can’t imagine her being able to do anything that would bring me to the point that I would want to hurt her, and myself, so badly that it was worth my child’s life. I can only think their brain is damaged in some way, physically or via trauma.

[MechanicalTurkish] I think people that do things like this already have a screw loose, which is probably why their partner wants a divorce in the first place. The divorce/betrayal may trigger the insanity, but isn’t the cause of it. [cfdagola] I believe this to be the case, people act upon stress in different ways.

But those that go so far to the extreme where they murder suicide. there was probably already some red flags in general that were ignored while dating. i’ve had my heart broken many times. And i’ve NEVER thought about killing myself or hurting anybody. I just cried a lot and then moved on with my life. [↑ jochillin] [bahgheera] It’s not brain dam-

age, it’s mind damage.

psychology of why this happens. In half of all cases, family annihilators kill the mother of the children in addition to the children. In the other half, letting the mother live with what’s happened is seen as a more fitting punishment than killing her.

Some men see themselves as more than head of their household, they see their wives and children as both their property and a defining part of their masculinity. A divorce means the loss of that family.

Add in the fact that most divorces are initiated by the wife and the perception (true or not) that she will get the house and custody of the kids as well, and the anger/bitterness/ resentment can rise to dangerous levels. It is most often an act of revenge/punishment against the wife, and sometimes the father is so upset by the thought of losing his kids (“She’ll take them away from me, they’ll be raised by their stepdad, she will turn them against me”) that he would rather kill them. It’s a case of, “If I am losing my family, nobody else (and especially no other man) can ever have them.”

[↑ supermainlander] Lington] Yeah I’m sure OPs dad [↑ supermainlander] [ToukanLab] Oh my gosh he’s wanted to leave his ex wife

suffering, which is why he did not kill her too [introverted-mess] It’s actually

more common for fathers to murder their families than people think. There’s even a specific term for them: family annihilators, and there’s been research done into the

from the same province as me ... This is disgusting, I’m feeling stomach pain just imagining how sad this is and I’m not even a father, not even an adult yet ...

[KingAarron] I love how Canada

still released him from prison even after that.

17 year old blind guy who was shot by his father

61

[supermainlander] It was a big

issue. He went to low security psychiatric institute the first time aroubd. Very low security, lots of “freedoms”, etc. The trial was found invalid and he was tried again. Got 14 years in real jail.

potentially making the situation worse.

[sportznut1000] Just based off of stuff ive either read or possibly just seen in an movie but i think this is their reasoning: either they see death as being a better option the [2crudedudes] He either never life with the suffering like someone below said or its a jealloved those kids or really hated himself that he didn’t ousy or selfish thing. “Well if care about his own feelings shes going to leave me then im going to make sure she has [↑ Nighthawk321] to live with the pain of not [njerome] Often it can be trighaving her kids or her kids are gered by a total psychotic dead because shes leaving break ... People do some crazy, me” Ridiculous either way and crazy stuff when that happens, very selfish either way but i and often with zero memory imagine they just hate the othof anything that happened er person so much that they during the break. It’s pretty dont want to see them happy interesting stuff, when it isn’t horribly awful ...

[Freikorp] While it’s important [K-ZooCareBear_] Seriously, has to not just say “mental illness” anyone read about the man and move on, some people in my hometown who had a are born with serious cognitive complete psychotic break issues. Some people are while opening his Uber Driver damaged at some point in life, app & drove around Kalamazoo mentally, and never recover, on a mass shooting spree. leading to things like this. You Some idiots are saying it is all are on a relatively “normal” baseline so of course you could an act to try an insanity never consider doing it. If defense, but there are some you were born differently, or if genuine signs the man just “snapped”. My heart goes out you suffered life altering trauma, there’s really no way to not only the victims but his family as well. And yes, sit- to say what you would end up uations like this should make doing without sufficient mental health care, even if you say mental heath issues a topic you’d in no way ever do it no of conversation. People (myself included to an extent) matter what happened to you.

It’s important to realize things aren’t as educated as they should be about not only see- like this can happen to anyone no matter how pure and ing the “signs” of mental illness, but also what to do when good and strong they think they suspect a problem. they are.

There really isn’t a lot individ[cunning_linguist_69] An underlyuals feel they can do without ing issue wouldnt come out stigmatizing the person or suddenly in a divorce. It would

I am a

62

show signs earlier in life. People who are mentally healthy don’t murder their family out of nowhere.

[StNic54] Likewise – I have two young kids, and while life can be tough being a parent, it’s really hard to imagine damaging someone else, much less innocent children.

at that point you probably might be.

[Awkward-Bear] Well, exactly.

But if you think life is all pain, then you might think you’re saving people from that pain.

[Longboarding-Is-Life] I’m no psychology expert but a lot of times when people who are psychopaths want to commit suicide they sometimes kill their family to to “save” them from the grief not realizing that grief is not as bad as dying.

[Awkward-Bear] Well, if you are going to kill yourself and see life as worse then death, it makes sense that you would see it the same for others too.

[KingGumboot] It’s still another whole level of fucked up though. When I was at the worst stage of my depression I got pretty suicidal, but to think that death would be preferable for the people around me too is a big jump from that. [lizbot-v1] If you’re interested in this topic, look into “family annihilators”. They really are just a whole different type of suicidal. I got morbidly interested in this when I was watching murder documentaries during my dark phase :P [Awkward-Bear] and people get depressed in different ways too. You could be depressed because you think there is something wrong with you, but you might think there is something wrong with the world as a whole.

[Ishmael1217] If you are incapable of empathy, yeah. Which

[trowawufei] Eh, I think most sui-

[↑ Awkward-Bear] [banana_pirate] Yay for ethical

consistency?

cidal/depressed people exaggerate how happy everyone else is. They usually think there’s something wrong with them or their life, not so much everyone else’s.

[Skiddle1138] I’ve never thought everyone else spends their days jumping with joy. My wife, best friend, and uncle have been suicidal, my mother is on antidepressants, my friend’s sister and another friend’s father hanged themselves.

These people make up about half of my regular social interactions so I know everyone isn’t happy all the time, and I’m still often depressed and at times have suicidal thoughts.

When you’re depressed you don’t think about how everyone else feels, for the most part you don’t really care about anything at all until you either start caring again and lift out of the depression or start caring just enough to work up the energy to end it. [↑ Longboarding-Is-Life] [PhilomathOR] This seems like

it would require some level of empathy which, by definition, psychopaths lack.

[Dtapped] Nah, narcissism really. Feeling like everyone else would have such a shit

17 year old blind guy who was shot by his father

63

life without you because you’re [NullxByte] But if they were a the center of the universe. psychopath, wouldn’t they not care about “saving” their [RubberDong] they are saying family from grief? Considering suicide is a selfish act. killing psychopaths are suppose others because they wont to have no empathy. I’m not a be able to cope with the pain psychology expert either, of losing you ... well ... that takes but it almost seems out of it to another level. character for a psychopath to commit suicide like that.

[Raz0rLight] Im not sure that I would call that psychopathic, [imanze] https://en.m.wikipedia.org/ as psychopathy is essentialwiki/Familicide – Some of those ly defined by diminished em- statistics are very scary ... pathy, remorse, and lack of a moral compass. In this case, [KT_ATX] You don’t really have to be a psychopath for this while there were absolutely (since that’s actually a pretty psychologic issues. I doubt psychopathy would be a motive specific clinical term). Murto “save” someone from grief. der-suicide is associated with many different psychological [WrongPeninsula] I’m no shrink disorders and ailments. Often either, but that rationale PPD, severe depression, and sounds more like the reason- so on can include such an ing of a narcissist than that of element. a psychopath. [hilaryjean] Narcissists are [ikeepmakingnewaccs] A lot of the time people who are psychopsychopaths.

[CaptCurmudgeon] The dark paths do this as the ultimate way to control their partner. triad is a group of three personality traits: narcissism, [Sir_Cunt99] Psycopathes dont Machiavellianism and psycare about anyone. The only chopathy. [hilaryjean] Exactly. The Mask reason he would do that is for of Sanity. https://en.wikipedia.org/ selfish reasons. wiki/The_Mask_of_Sanity [↑ dick-nipples] [darklordoftech] Society encour- [mylarrito] A lot lies in how little

ages people to do what’s best for others whether or not others want it. I suspect that this is a product of that belief.

[Try-Another-Username] nice, haven’t thought that before

support structures men have to deal with break ups. There is quite a bit of literature on this, but iirc it’s a combination of the emotional trauma, the loss of face, and few/bad ways of dealing with this situation. [sugarfreeme] Or they get vinTheir world feels ruined, their dictive and want to “get back” despair and anger is endless, at the ex-spouse. Or if they lose and they want revenge. custody, sometimes it’s a “if Anecdote: childhood friend of I can’t have them, no one will”. my parents is being left by his

I am a

64

wife (two kids, not his). He becomes suicidal and my parents are with him pretty much every day for a year or so.

This is a grown man (50’s), great job, close friends and no history of mental illness or even melancholy. It’s just a very traumatic event (can be), and they have no tools to deal with it and the feelings that come with it. That’s how I view it at least. [silentorbx] As a father too I am

geniunely upset hearing about this story. What kind of cowardly evil insane piece of shit shoots their own kids while they sleep? Seriously fucked.

I don’t understand how anyone could possibly believe in any sort of God who gives any shits when stuff like that happens. If only there was a way to predict what people should not be parents. I don’t know, it just all is so fucked and makes no sense. There’s no nice way to go about it.

Some people really should just not breed. [cyberblade42] You are a father

who’s username is dick nipples.

You sound better then my biological and step father XD [edbro333] There is a reason

father’s aren’t given custody.

They commit most murders

[Bruss48] Because of your loss of sight and smell, are you other senses heightened? Are you able to feel things and taste things better?

Yes they are, especially my hearing. I mostly rely on my sense of touch and hearing.

[The-Potato-Lord] Ok first of all

respect man. I am so amazed by what you’ve managed to accomplish already and I’m sure you’ll go far. I have four questions but don’t feel like you need to answer everything.

I’ll split them into separate questions so it’s not just a wall of text.

Does your reading program thing read everything on screen or only stuff on certain areas of the screen, and can you adjust the speed of the voice?

Yes and yes. I control it using the keyboard.

I’m able to read by heading, by link, by paragraph, by edit box, etc.

I’m able to change the pitch, voice, rate, and volume of it as well. [tinnyminny] Is there a mindset

that you’ve formed as a result of this tragedy?

Yes, it takes pain to grow. I know Reddit 17 year old blind guy who was shot by his father

65

doesn’t like that saying, but it’s what I’ve lived by.

[The-Potato-Lord] How has your

loss smell affected your taste?

Like, do you still taste a full range of flavours or only the five basic tastes; bitter, sour, sweet, salt and umami (not many people have heard of umami it’s hard to describe but it’s basically savory).

Yeah I’m still able to taste, it’s just slightly dulled. If you gave me a grape flavored and a green apple flavored candy, I’d be able to tell the difference. If you gave me a strawberry and a cherry, I wouldn’t.

[-selina-] My heart hurts read-

ing this. You are a warrior, Ross. Can I ask you your views on gun control in the US? Stay strong xx

[The-Potato-Lord] Do you actu-

ally just see black now?

Not exactly, I sort of see my own mind. Since I use to be able to see, I know what colors look like. Because of that I sort of see what I picture in my mind, if that makes sense. [kiky23] So essentially you

imagine things based upon the things you’ve seen in your past? That’s awesome.

Yes, exactly!

[TacoSwimmer] What are your

hobbies?

I play video games.

I’m the captain of the swim team. I play the drums, piano, guitar, and I sing. I like to read and do various extreme sports.

I believe that guns [BobaFettyWhopper] Have you forgiven your father? Unshould have extremely derstandably there has to be strict restrictions, some feelings of anger towards him. multiple screenings, Yes I have. I’m not nearetc. ly as angry as I use to be. I’ve pretty much accepted it for what it is.

I am a

66

[whenim30iwilllook20] What

do you plan on doing with your life? If you have an idea of course, I’m 21 and I know fuck all, haha.

I want to be a musician, a motivational speaker, and a programmer for sure. [exegg] This is overwhelming ...

I live in a pretty violent country where people are shot everyday, but this was just mean.

What memories do you have from your brother? How was he like? And to the event itself, do you remember anything?

Pain? How long did it took to recovery?

I was asleep when I was shot, so I didn’t feel any pain. I was in the hospital for about 5 weeks or so. I definitely remember my mom.

I was more of a mamas boy, while Ryan liked to hang out with dad. [treasurebum] I mean this in a

nice way. Do you ever find moments of black humour help you? Have you ever managed to find any lighter moments when looking at your predicament?

A blind guy walks into a bar.

[AnUbiquitousUsername] If you

could teleport to any point in your life for about 60 seconds, and can not be in the same room as yourself, when would you teleport to?

Honestly, I know it sounds kinda fucked up,

by I wouldn’t mind being there when I went blind. Maybe in the hall, listening to all of it happening. [qui_gon_john] Hey. My condo-

lences for the rough hand life has dealt. Moving around, did an education system ever adequately meet your needs?

Nope not really. Most people didn’t know how to deal with a blind student haha.

[Champ2947] How were you treated at schools because of what happened? Also did this strengthen your relationship with your mom if you don’t mind me asking? Also, major respect to you and thank you for doing this.

Oh yes. I make jokes I wasn’t necessarily about my blindness on bullied at school, but a daily bases, lol. people kept their 17 year old blind guy who was shot by his father

67

distance and didn’t really talk to me because they were intimidated by my blindness.

[AnUbiquitousUsername] Please answer this however you want.

Do you think there is a bigger purpose or meaning to the events in your life? Or is it just luck and chance?

[HoriCZE] Have you played

some older versions of Mortal Kombat when you were younger (before the ... well you know), if yes: do you still remember the characters so visualize them as those characters you play in Mortal Kombat X or do you use your imagination to visualize them?

I use my imagination.

I just started MK a little over ayear ago.

At this moment in my life, I believe it’s just [DriskyBusiness] 1v1 me mortal luck and chance and combat? Fair warning I have effects from my deter20/20 vision. In all seriousness though how you learned mination to make to play is incredible something of my life.

Haha sure, even though I’m shit at playing [SrSkippy] How do you type so online. Have a hard time well? Proper use of homophones, capitalization, punctu- getting use to the lag. ation, the works ...

Just practice I suppose.

[Alybank] Have you ever thought

about getting a guide dog?

[kiky23] How did family friends

react? Did you retain any friends from before the accident?

The family was devastated, especially mom.

I have kept in touch with a handful of friends from my childhood.

I am a

Yup, I’m getting one in July.

[Sipues] Hello Nighthawk321!

I have so many questions.

1) Have you been able to forgive your father? Please, don’t get me wrong. I think that he was the most horrible and egoist person in the world, but, in order for you to continue with your life, you’ll need to find some peace and acceptance.

2) have you been in love?

Have you met a special person already?

68

a few I imagine from TV shows I use to watch when I was a kid. For example: Gorro = That giant slime villan from Teen Titans. Kung Lao = Zuko from Avatar.

In MK9, I absolutely 1) Yes, I have accepted hated doing the ladder because I couldn’t what has happened a stand Grro/Kintaro/ long time ago. 2) Yes I have been in love, but Shang/Chao, sorry for the bad spelling. I hatnothing more than silly teen love for about ed them because they discouraged the normal a year or so. I don’t way you’re suppose to currently have a GF. 3) Yes it does. 4) I want play MK, with combos.

Every time I would try to be a motivational to do a combos, I would speaker, a musician, get my face smashed. and a programmer.

And oh God I couldn’t stand Kintaro’s flying [JellophantOfCake] Hey man. jump thing, or was that I thought that you being able to play Mortal Kombat is Gorro. pretty sweet, so I had a few 3) You were able to see until the age of 8. When you listen to an audio book now, does your imagination gives you enough material?

4) what do you want to be in the future?

I apologize for so many questions and I’m not an English native speaker. edit: you have already answered my first question above.

questions in regards to MK and other fighting games.

First, I was wondering how you imagine what the characters you play look like.

Second, I was wondering if there are any fighting games besides Mortal Kombat that would be feasible for you to play? Third, what match ups in MK do you hate/like?

[SilverChallenjour] What is your

favorite band or genre of music? Also I’d like to add that the way you keep going is very inspirational, keep being awesome.

Thank you! I mainly listen to rock and metal, A few are just figments but sometimes I’ll of my imagination, but listen to dubstep, Jazz, 17 year old blind guy who was shot by his father

69

or piano. Some of my [HiImJin] Hey Ross, long time no see. I don’t know if you refavorite bands are: member me, but my name is 1 A Day To Remember jin. We hung out with Arthur in 5th grade at hawk ridge. That’s 2 Our Last Night a crazy story man. It’s super 3 Sick Puppies cool seeing you on Reddit and reconnecting. How have you 4 Yellow Card been doing? I had no idea you 5 Five Finger Death moved to Florida. Let’s talk again soon!

Punch Wow! I totally remem6 All That Remains ber you! If you have 7 Blink182 a Twitter, follow me @ ross_minor, or add me [robtehsamplist] Do you think its on FB. worse being blind from birth or blinded during life after being able to see?

[sassosaurus] Hey :) I saw you Definitly blind from said that you imagine your birth. Since I use to be surroundings from the colours and images you remember. able to see, I know I was wondering if your dreams what colors look like, are also visual, or whether other senses take priority more I have an understanding when dreaming? Thanks for of what size and depth the ama! is, and I’m able to know Most of my dreams are when someone is able blurry. to see me: a lot of blind people born blind have [HotDogen] Probably going to get buried, BUT! Have you trouble with that. ever tried any echo-location?

Yes I use it all the time.

[Tooup] If you could meet

anyone alive today who would it be?

Hmm, either Bill Gates or Steven Hawking.

I am a

[Tasher88] Just watched your

video. I’m so sorry you went through this. As a father of two (soon to be three! Just found out my wife is pregnant!) I cant even imagine a father doing this to their own flesh and blood. Did your father leave any note or other clues as to why

70

he did what he did? I know you said your parents were going through a divorce, but was that the sole reasoning? Did your father have a history of mental illness? Everything happens for a reason, even if that reason is beyond our own ability of understanding. It clearly wasn’t your time to go. Keep your head held high man. You’re destined to do good things in life. Best of luck!

you just now, and I truly wish you happiness and peace.

Question time, I read in a previous comment that your sense of touch and hearing is heightened, so my question is, what do you consider to be some of the best/worst textures?

Thank you for your feedback! I absolutely hate the feel of the inThank you, that’s very sides of pumpkins, nevkind of you. My dad er again. My favorite did leave several suicide texture would probably notes, but I have yet to be, hmm, silly puddy? read them.

I also like really soft [Tasher88] Do you think you will things. ever read them? Or is it one of those things that you’d rather not ever do? I don’t think I could read them if I were in your shoes, but then again ...

I’d also be curious as to what the content was. Thanks for doing this AMA, you’re an amazing person.

Thank you! I think I will read them one day, but not anytime soon.

[TheCobras] Hey dude. I watched your speech at XMO, and it put a lot into perspective for me. I loved the last bit, where you mentioned how a small act like a high five, or a handshake, or a hug can mean a lot to people. And also to reach out to people, because we don’t know what someone is going through, because often is is kept hidden from the world. My thoughts are with

[jessicabp95] You said that your

father was “suspected to be a narcissist and a sociopath.”

Was there reason to suspect that before he committed the murders? Were you afraid of him? Was he religious and maybe went crazy and thought he was sending his kids to heaven? How long did it take for you to forgive?

Also wanted to say that you are good looking. I think that the girl you were obsessed with made a huge mistake and will be sorry If you echo locate, do you know how to make clicking noises to bounce the sounds?

My father wasn’t religious, but I was too young to know that anything was wrong.

17 year old blind guy who was shot by his father

71

My mom noticed certain things, how he would handle his more, and other things, that sort of tipped her off that something may be wrong. I’m not sure how long it took me, I think it was more of a gradual thing.

Thank you, I’m flattered. I honestly wasn’t obsessed with her, it’s a lot more complicated than what I outlined in my speech haha.

There are two types of echolocation, active and passive. Active is when you make the clicking noise and bounce the sound off of objects. Passive is a constant sense that allow me to detect objects: I guess it’s like a sixth sense. [veracite] I read recently about

a successful eye transplant for a blind pig. Do you keep up with this kind of research?

Do you have hope of one day restoring your eyesight or smell? Also, do you play computer games like MUDs? I I am a

play Alter Aeon which has a huge blind community.

Thanks for doing the AMA!

I keep up with it from time to time, but I honestly don’t know if I would want my sight back. It would be amazing, don’t get me wrong, but being blind is who I am now. And yes I do play Alteraeon, who’s your char?

[CrimzonGryphon] Who in M K X

sounds the hottest?

Hmm, probably Sonya. [ilikebigbuttsyoyo] Hi Ross! I’m

your age, I can’t even think about going through what you have been through, you’re really brave! What are your plans for the future, what do you want to do? I’m sorry if this has been asked! A big hug from Portugal friend! :)

Haha thank you, hugs back! I plan to go to college. I want to be a programmer, musician, and motivational speaker.

72

[LuckyNumbrXIII] How did you/ your brother sleep through the sound of the other being shot?

I was the first to be shot, and my brother was a deep sleeper.

[Keithious] Did you father seem a little nuts before? Did he seem depressed or lacking empathy?

I never really noticed much, but I was a kid.

My mom said that he seemed to lack empathy.

[Feasternator] Hello Ross, stay strong man. What did you have for breakfast?

Thank you! Two hard boiled eggs, a protein bar, and some milk.

How about you?

[Sadaxer] Do you have or use

some kind of phone? Or some gadget that makes everyday easier for you? You seem so patient with all the duplicate questions on here, that’s very kind of you!

I feel that everyone’s questions deserve to be answered. I have an iPhone.

[FascinatedLobster] Hey Ross!

This may be a dumb question, but are you able to text?

Do you have to use a cell phone with actual buttons or an app that reads texts?

Yes I do text, I have an iPhone. Every Apple device has a program on it called Voiceover that allows blind people to use their devices. settings\general\accessiblity\voiceover [Overthinks_Questions] Who’s your favorite Mortal Kombat character? Do you find professional wrestling less enjoyable without smelling what the Rock is cooking?

Erron black. And yes, yes I do.

[midmosquid] Sorry if this has

been asked, but has this affected your memory at all?

Nope, the bullet didn’t hit my brain.

[Intrigued1423] How is porn in

Braille?

Nonexistent

17 year old blind guy who was shot by his father

73

[GreenHatSam] A lot of communication is with body language.

How do you pick up what people aren’t saying with their words?

Good question. I like to think that I make up for it by being able to hear certain inflections in their voice, but sometimes it is difficult and I misinterpret things.

[KazuoKuroi] Best wishes from

Virginia. I’ve got rather shitty eyesight myself and will probably eventually go blind myself, not looking forward to it.

What is your favorite memory back from when you had sight?

Hmm, I was once in the Bahamas and I saw a young lady tanning topless, that was quite asight!

[M4rissaL4uren] Hello! I hope

you are doing well! Sorry if you’ve already answered this, but what other video games do you play? Also, I wanted to let you know that you are a quite an attractive fellow. ;)

I play MK, Injustice, Naruto, Left For Dead2, and Pokemon. Thank you <3, I’m flattered.

I am a

[DorotheaCurious] How have

you navigated the loss of your brother? How do you maintain your emotional connection with him? Do people complaining about their (living) brothers make you mad?

No they don’t make me mad, not at all. I have a few possessions that use to be his that I still keep around.

[Insert_Nickname] Been reading

your AMA for half an hour now, and I didn’t thought I could have so many questions for a blind person until now, so here are some ...

You said you play videogames like Left 4 dead or Injustice, but how does a blind person navigates through a 3D environment like the one in L4D or anticipate the moves of the adversary in Injustice? And if you use that reading software to describe the scene or whatever, is it really that fast?

Cause I’ve played both of those games and they’re exhausting ...

Since you like TV and (I hope) movies so much, have you ever seen (no pun intended) a TV show or movie that portrays blindness as it is in reality, if so, which one? Also, is a show like Daredevil, which features a blind guy, easier to follow than other ones?

And finally, how was the recovery process? Was it as hard as I can imagine or worse? Is there anything you don’t miss from having sight, if that’s

74

possible? How do you dream?

In images or simply blackness?

Sorry for stressing your reading software so much, but I had to ask! And let me say, congrats on such a great attitude towards an act like the one you suffered. You’re truly an example to follow! Thanks!

I posted a link in the main of me playing video games on youtube.

None really portray blindness correctly, but I do like the show Daredevil.

The recovery wasn’t nearly as bad as one would think. I had many friends and family memers helping me out.

I dream in color, but it’s more of blurry than anything else.

[AnUbiquitousUsername] Please

answer this however you want.

Do you think there is a bigger purpose or meaning to the events in your life? Or is it just luck and chance?

At this moment in my life, I believe it’s just luck and chance and effects from my determination to make something of my life.

[devonha] What’s it like when you first meet someone? I know most people immediately sum up other people based on their clothes, looks, hair, etc.

What major factors go into your first impression of someone?

Their voice, the things they say, etc.

[AnUbiquitousUsername] Be-

cause I like asking odd questions, how did you learn about the “birds and the bees?”

From watching American Pie, talking with cousins, and not being clueless haha. [amanforallsaisons] You know

you’re now Reddit’s video game playing Daredevil with “NightHawk” as your badass superhero name, right?

Thanks for doing this.

I’m perfetly fine with that :).

[jimbolic] Hey, you are loved.

I teared up reading your introduction. Have you got a paypal account? Would like to send you pizza money.

Wow, that is so kind of you, but there’s no way I could except your money. I’m honored though.

17 year old blind guy who was shot by his father

75

[TheMuffinMansion] Thank you for doing this AMA! I was feeling pretty low today until I read your responses. Your attitude gives me so much hope, I love learning that there are people like you in this world. Do you have a personal motto, or a favorite quote or saying?

Thank you :). It takes pain to grow.

[Glossus_inBuccinator] I’m more

than twice your age, and my own back story is to your back story what a crack in the sidewalk is to the Grand Canyon.

You’re so young, and yet you have become a mentor for me and so many others. I can say from experience that “being the strong one” and “being an example for others” can be a lonely and exhausting place.

I can’t even imagine what it’s like for you to be able to handle yourself the way you do.

You appear calm, mature, intelligent and grounded. It is absolutely astounding. You are saving your own life, and you’re saving others as well.

But more than that, you’re improving the quality of life of others. You’ve improved mine tonight, just by being an example for me, and giving me perspective. Do you have any advice for how you have managed to cope with what he did? What has helped you the most? You’ve mentioned your mom has been your biggest advocate, but do you have any specific advice?

You mentioned that you want to be a motivational speaker.

If you do, please continue to be I am a

down-to-earth. Don’t become one of those “reach for the stars” kind of blowhards. Stay you. And thank you from the bottom of my heart for being you.

Yes. I could have just thrown a pity party, wallowed in my own self pity, etc. Instead, I decided I was going to prove to the world that I’m more than that. I always think to myself, and maybe I should make this my saying, it’s going to take more than a bullet to the head to bring me down. My advice to others would be to allow people to help you, but to not allow them to bring you down.

[Avalina2] How are you so good looking? The biggest crime here is that you cannot see yourself

My mom is beautiful, maybe that’s where I get it from haha. Thank you though, I’m flattered.

76

17 year old blind guy who was shot by his father

77

78

I am former Disneyland cast member.

I was Alice in Wonderland.

79

Submitted by LOLalice

80

I worked there for three years, I also did Wendy from Peter Pan. No, there are no underground tunnels. Yes, I know the jack sparrow who did the interview for LA magazine.

He’s a creep. None of the girls liked him. Ask any­thing and i’ll tell.

81

I am a

82

[jtq1] What is the strictest/most

ridiculous rule that Disney has for its cast members? I’m under the impression that there are quite a few, so please correct me if that is not the case.

[Dagur] You didn’t get paid for

the time it took you to put the costume/makeup on?

yes if i gave myself the allowed hour to get ready, but honestly it [LOLalice] the worst is clocking in. you are took me more than not allowed to clock an hour to really get the in early which i under­ makeup right and the stand, so you have wig right as well as all to stand by the clock the clothes. i did not want to look half assed and wait till its time to clock in. but if you i really cared about how alice looked so i are even one minute would go early to crelate you incur points ate perfection. against you that can be used to fire you. they may have upped [tint] Ever get vomited on? it to a 3 min cushion no but i did get peed but sometimes i would on once :-/ it was a baby, get there 30 min early leaky diapers … they to have extra time to get happen! haha makeup and wig on, and id forget to clock [tint] So how does a general day work there (from arriving in on time since i was to going home)? Ever have busy getting ready. so to sing or do the parades? This is LA right? Also, what did you even if they KNEW do for lunch? i was there i was still general day is getting counted as late. that there looking like a got a lot of people fired slob (no point in getting often. pretty at home) not gonna lie, some of the girls look busted as hell in the morning. former Disneyland cast member

83

amazing what some makeup and a wig can do. LOL anyways, you get ready and then usually start your day in your designated area. alice gets to roam anywhere between main gate and fantasy­ land. there is a set list, seven 45 min sets in a day with an hour lunch somewhere in there we used to do a castle show song and dance thing (unbirthday song). i liked that because it was quick and gave me a nice 30 min break instead of 15. we would do a musical chairs set usually after lunch with the panio guy (johnny was the best piano guy ever) other than that it was just being hunted by angry, tired mothers who wanted pointless, worthless autographs. then when you are done with your day you take all the makeup off, wig I am a

off, costume off and go home. its a pretty fun job, just high stress and high injury risk. oh and its anaheim, bout 45 min from LA [UndeadArgos] First, you seem

like an awesome person!

I have a 2 year old daughter named Alice and we just got back from her first trip to WDW (our 3rd since we got married 5 years ago :P (we’re big fans)) We spent two days in the Magic Kingdom and didn’t manage to see Alice at all :( Do you know if Alice’s “roaming area” would be roughly the same at WDW?

im not sure about WDW but next time you go you can always ask guest services to call and ask when and where alice will be. they have access to set times and whatnot that way you can get a pic of your alice with alice :D [UndeadArgos] You’ve said a

number of times that the parents are the worst part of the job. Why is that, and how can I avoid being a part of that?

parents can be pushy or mean a lot of times

84

with characters. demanding that their child is next when other children have been waiting patiently. also ive seen mom catfights over me and how i would choose the order of the kids. i picked the most polite children first. then some parents felt the right to grab or hold me physically from lea­ ving since im so small. they figured i was to be treated like a child because im practically the size of one. the best parents were the ones armed only with a camera and a smile. they took their pic, they were polite and they moved on. [marquis_of_chaos] Here are

some quick fire questions: What was the best thing about your job?

What was the worst thing?

Were do they really keep Walt Disney’s frozen head?

What is the most egregious thing you saw staff do?

What was the biggest rip off that Disney did to its customers? former Disneyland cast member

Did you ever take the costume home?

What was your favourite costume?

Ever feel like slapping customers?

What’s the worst thing a customer ever did to you?

the kids, the parents, LOLWOT, falsely report things to get others fired, the ticket prices, no but i should have stolen one, alice of course, YES, stab me with a pencil. :D [OMFG-Spot] How many cast-

members were furries, and did anyone ever use their cos­ tume for yiffing?

LOL how funny that you should ask. i actually walked in on some nonsense in a breakroom once. so nasty. hahaha haha. i dont know how many of em were into that though. probably a handful. [lowbot] What was it like

wearing the whole getup in the summer heat?

horrible. its about 3 layers of clothing + stage makeup that you had to keep reapplying as it 85

melted off your face in the sun. usually in the summer my #1 goal was to find a shady place to let the people attack. getting mobbed in the sun SUCKED. the costume was tights, bloomers, leotard (spagetti strap in summer short or long sleeve in winter) dress, apron. also in winter sometimes i would wear a little red riding hoodish cape that was blue. then a wig so all the girls who do alice have the same hair. :] my face does look extremely similar to alice. i think i looked more like the actual character than most of the other girls.

more tagged photos on fb. i dont know what happened to the rules but it looks like they got tossed out the win­ dow. i liked it better when there was more mystery and “magic” to it. [omnilynx] I bet I’ve seen you.

What did your significant other think of your role? Did you get any propositions while in character?

Edit: Oh, here’s a great one.

What simple things can we, as tourists, do to make your jobs easier?

the significant ­other i had at the time could have cared less. i think he came to see me once, and not by choice. i had at least 20 marriage proposals to which i would reply “but im only 12”. and a simple [nmerrill] How strict were thing people can do is the rules exactly? Were you NOT BUY AUTOGRAPH allowed to talk about your job to friends/family? I have BOOKS. characters heard that you have to keep pretty silent about it HATE them. its best to in the beginning pretty just be polite and take strict. dont tell anyone a quick photo or get a etc. but as time went by quick hug. also be under-­ i kept seeing more and standing when a charI am a

86

acter needs to leave. i knew a few girls who are so overheated when they got done with sets that they would literally take their heads off back stage and pass out. :-/ [Jawshem] Do the young kids really believe you are the character? Any good cute kid stories?

yes lots of children really believe it and thats what made it special. the best cute kid story is a make a wish girl i met. she was 6 years old and almost blind from her condition, but she could see if you were close enough. i spent hours with her on 3 different days that she was there, the last day the mother was sobbing and telling me how i was her daughters angel and how they were so happy she got to see me before she lost all sight. she asked if alice could join them at the char­acter dinner. in former Disneyland cast member

wonder­­ful disney fashion my managers said NO, alice could not extend her hours into character dining. so i said fuck it, got out of costume, went and bought her an alice doll and went to the dinner as myself to give her the doll. i figured she was almost blind and would have no clue i was alice without all the blue. i approached the mother at dinner who instantly started baw­ ling and hugging me, i gave the little girl the alice doll and told her i was alices friend. i gave the mother my con­tact info and kept in touch with the family. the little girl passed away shortly after but the mother sent me a beautiful photo of her daughter and i walking down a path holding hands. she also sent me a silver ange that hangs on my wall. i was 87

told they buried her with the alice doll. i cry thinking about it, but im glad i have those me­ mories. there are SO many more amazing stories but that is my favorite.

EDIT: figured i could show this since my face is not in it. it stays on my fridge. :]

you won’t be here to hold my hand. For your information theres an inflamation in my tear gland.

[Neo_Player] And if you think you see some tear tracks down my cheeks, Please.

Please, don’t tell my mates. [↑ Deep-Thought] [drgir1friend] FotC and Hitch­

hiker’s user name.

[↑ indrid_cold] [Misio] Yeah its like reddit has

some sort of grit issue in it’s interface. Oh god, it’s getting worse :( [internetpaladin] Oh god I think think it’s spreading into real life! [↑ indrid_cold] [deleted] I would wear lab

[indrid_cold] goddammit, I’m gonna have to start wearing safety glasses when I read Reddit because once again I’ve got something in my eye [BananaGod] It’s just been raining … on my face. [bobstar] My eyes are just a little sweaty today. [qwerty_0_o] I’m just cutting onions. [drgir1friend] … I’m making a lasagna. For one.

[Deep-Thought] I’m sitting at this table called love, staring down at the irony of life. How come we’ve reach this fork in the road … and yet it cuts like a knife? [flail] I’m not weeping cause

I am a

goggles, just to be safe. No noxious fumes, particulate, or anything like that. [girlprotagonist] The goggles – they do nothing. I cried anyway.

[PacktLikeFishees] “No, it’s cool.

I’m just giving my eyes a bath.” [zepenguin] I needed to clean my eye anyway …

[OriginalStomper] Beer goggles work just as well [↑ indrid_cold] [VulturE] Oh, quiet down Usopp. [geft] That part really did make

me cry. The series is a masterpiece.

[VulturE] It didn’t feel like an anime to me until episode 230. Sadness overcome by happiness can happen in cartoons too, but something like Usopp nearly dying fighting Luffy, or Robin wishing to die, can only happen in an anime. And if I had my way, the stupid ice family arc would

88

DIE A HORRIBLE DEATH. [deleted] Hi from a month ago, what anime are you talking about exactly?

[VulturE] One Piece. Up until episode ~230, it was following the DBZ/original Naruto track: Find someone/something to save. Find out your opposition is tougher than they look. Get the shit beat out of you briefly, and then beat the hell out of them and SAVE THE PLANETZ. This is the same path as 99% of most US cartoons. In my opinion, an anime is something that is more than this. It introduces hard life choices, internal conflict, and in some cases death. Akira being popular wasn’t an accident: It was a showcase of this.

People either loved it or hated it. It’s the reason why I list Avatar (the cartoon, not the movie) as an anime, even though it isn’t.

Anyways, throwing internal conflict into One Piece at episode 230 and making tough decisions made it really shine then. Going off on a tangent in the story line is also another fine point. Currently in the anime, Luffy’s goal is to become the pirate king, yet he stopped progress to save Ace. In a cartoon, there wouldn’t have been the Ace drama (or it would have lasted one episode). In my previous comment, I was being very frustrated with the stupid Ice Family Arc (what­ ever their name was). It was the worst of everything after episode 230. The animations of Luffy getting the SHIT beat out of him and pummled were too much (in the initial conflicts with the Ice family). former Disneyland cast member

[deleted] Oh, cool. Thanks! [↑ Vulture E] [geft] I was referring to the

manga. Only a truly great manga can make people cry.

[VulturE] Ah … I agree then. I can imagine the manga being infinitely amazing. I just finished up with Nana and I had the same effect in some places. [↑ LOLalice] [thanksjerk] Your story ­reminded

me about the girl with cancer who wanted to watch Up before she died. Life can be pretty terrible sometimes, but it’s pretty great that there are people like you around to soften it up a bit.

[LOLalice] yeah when i saw that story a few months ago i cried. i met lots of children with so little time and i remember them all.

[Jawshem] LOLalice you have humbled me. That’s a beautiful story. [huginn] They need to make a

Disney movie out of that story.

[nunobo] You are awesome. [robjarvis] My sister works

backstage at Disneyworld but she started out in the college program workin’ in the parks.

She never experienced anything as magical and heartwar­ ming/breaking as your story (which btw there’s a tear in my beer :’( ) but her friend was a bellhop for the Tower of Terror and had a similar encounter.

Racking my brain for the details, but her friend said that

89

the make a wish boy said it was the best ride he’s been on all day, so she let him and his family take the chicken elevator back up and go on the ride a few more times. It truly made his day and his parents were hysterical, thanking her.

He passed shortly after his trip too :( Pretty much, thank you.

Disney catches some shit but it’s stories like these that make me remember what they’re all about. [deleted] [deleted] [HerbertMcSherbert] Sounds like they just need the management to give them a little space to be even more wonderful too. It turns out the real Disney magic is in the cast members like these …

[deleted] I don’t understand,

what is this salty discharge?

[KKJS] Semen? [deleted] Why do you know

what semen tastes like?

[KKJS] Well, I could have been

a girl now couldn’t I? But I’m not actually. Fun story. There was this one time after me and the girlfriend had been doing some horisontal gymnastics, and she’d made me come on her stomach. I think it was because it was less messy and easier to clean up.

Anyway, I made some remark, probably a joke, and she got pissed!, probably some joke about salty tears, and she calmly took a hand, dipped it in the little pool on her stomach and just wiped it down the side of my face, hitting my mouth in [deleted] Wow. That’s the first the process. I was not pleased. time I have cried since my dad So, yeah, I guess you could say passed away in August. You my girlfriend gave me afacial. are such an amazing and won[↑ deleted] derful person for going out of your way for this girl. You’ll be [deleted] you mother effer! I remembered forever by many laughed, but I still had down people, me and, especially, the vote you.

[KKJS] I couldn’t help myself, girl and her family. it was just too easy [deleted] you are awesome. i wish there were more people [↑ LOLalice] [reignoverme] How did you put like you in the world. water in my eyes? :( [pdfarsight] Brought a tear to [canadug] What a beautiful my eye.

[Treees] Yeah, I haven’t cried memory that you will have for like this in a while. the rest of your life. It will [grandhighwonko] I haven’t cried make an awesome fallback like this since the Elena’s thought for you to pull up Notes story yesterday. Reddit on rainy/shitty days.

[LOLalice] its a beautiful is making me very weepy.

[MattJayP] Any chance of a link thought but one that makes to said story? I’m being a bit me cry if i think about it emotionally masochistic lately. too much. there are a few children i met over the years [deleted] I want to marry you. that have that effect. there I am a

90

was a boy too i met who was 7 and was autistic. so i just sat with him and sang him a song from alice in wonderland since his mom told me it was his favorite movie and he watched it 20 times a day (most autistic children latch onto a movie like that) well when i was done singing the song he yelled “ALICE” and hugged me. then his mom started screaming and crying and i had to ask her what was wrong and it was at that point she had told me he had never said a word in his life and that was his first. i had to leave shortly after because of how powerful it was. i probably cried backstage for about 20 min. ive worked with autistic children in my past and i just knew that one word meant SO much to that mother, to hear her sons voice. like i said there are SO many stories like this. its one of the reasons i may go back, i know i changed some lives. [finebushlane] Wow, i’m a 25 year old man working in an office in NYC and my eyes started watering reading this comment. Thanks for sharing Alice :) [↑ LOLalice] [SizzlingStapleCider] I find this,

while much less of a story, much more moving than the first story.

[Thelonious_Cube] Oh, man - I

really don’t need to be crying at work right now, but Alice, you should be proud - that’s wonderful.

former Disneyland cast member

[johnleemk] This touched me

even more than the make-awish girl. I have an autistic sibling to whom Disney movies are the world, so that’s pro­ bably why. :( Thanks for this AMA, by the way – I come by occasionally and this is I think the first one I’ve ever upvoted. It’s informative, it’s touching, it’s interesting, it’s heart-breaking – it’s amazing.

[LOLalice] yeah, for some reason disney movies are great for autistic kids and adults alike! have you ever taken your sibling to either of the parks? [johnleemk] Nope, we lived in Malaysia until about a year ago, when we moved to New Zealand, so the nearest Disney theme park is probably in Hong Kong I think.

It would be interesting to see how my sister reacts to seeing her favourite characters in real life. She has autism, ADD, and something like mild Down syndrome – she spends most of her free time watching Disney movies, and has a habit of pausing and rewinding the same stretch of film, so she watches the same handful of scenes for hours.

[LOLalice] oh yes ive seen the kids do that. or line things up in perfection, for hours on end. i bet she would love to see her characters in person, but for some it can be overwhelming. i had a few times where an autistic child out of love and over excitement would injure me, LOL. not that i ever really cared because i knew it was unintentional. you should show her

91

some videos on youtube of the characters at the park and see how she reacts.

[↑ LOLalice] [deleted] Okay, I got a little

[HerbertMcSherbert] like i said

[EasilyAnnoyed] I’m not crying.

there are SO many stories like this. I think I could read all of them. I’d even buy the book, if you would write it (and feel free to add stories from other cast members too). There are many days we need reminders of truly important things in life. I’ve had nice cars, great holidays, fantastic experi­ ences … but one that stands out as a treasured memory is spending days digging a septic tank under the hot tropical sun in a Muslim area of the Philippines (recently conflict-torn), covered head to toe in sweat that soaked every centimeter of my clothing, so the little kids watching me dig would have a decent ­bathroom in their new donated house.

Some of the hardest, least rewarded but most rewarding work I’ve ever done. The ability to look back with happiness at our past is built from moments such as these you’ve shared with us.

[LOLalice] a book would be a fun idea, but knowing disney they would want all the credit. oh and they would censor out anything that they dont like. like me breaking the rule of seeing a guest out of costume. and your experience sounds amazing. id love to do something like that someday.

misty in the eyes there.

I’ve just got something stuck in my eyes. [karmavoid] Best Alice ever!

[brainburger] That pic made me

think of The Walk to Paradise Garden.

[↑ LOLalice] [falsabaiana] Aw that’s so sad

and lovely at the same time.

The photo is really beautiful and touching knowing the story behind it. Would you be willing to scan it?

[LOLalice] i do not own a scanner :[ [nopodcast] try the kinkos … [stroud] i love you [goldbat] Beautiful picture &

beautiful memory. :) I’m not waterworks again. sounds like a Disney fan but am a fan of a very rewarding experience, kids and imaginations. thanks for posting!

[shwiggy] oh lord here go the

I am a

92

[gasface] You’re a beautiful

soul.

now … ?

[LOLalice] yes, i have a lovely

tall nerdy reddit loving boy-

[lunchboxg4] It’s been said over friend. :D [jadedconformist] … and please and over already, but I feel it

tell me you wear the outfit when you … yeah.

[LOLalice] no but he got me a nice oversized reddit shirt i can wear with heels ;] [CloudDrone] That was so [jaxspider] Reddit must know sad … I’m crying right now. I the username of such a feel all mushy inside. redditor. [juma606] Nope. No tears on We shall compliment him for this one either. Please Lord, his great mating skills and open my cynical heart. shower him with bacon.

[LOLalice] perhaps the other [embretr] I would have spilled story i just posted about an coffee on principle if I had any autistic boy may help you? LOL right now. Nice! [rexmons] *sigh … c’’est la vie … [obizuth] Dammit, you got me [lobido] Your good heart crying all over my keyboard. touched me, too. Thanks for [Dummies102] so many being you. tear-jerkers on reddit today [jk3us] let’s make October 28 [repoman] “the little girl pasthe annual make-everyonesed away shortly after but the on-reddit-cry day. mother sent me a beautiful [MattJayP] I am so for making photo of her daughter and me this an annual thing. walking down a path holding hands.” FTFY [deleted] This made me cry.

Protophobic I voted you up friend [deleted] I do not knwo either of you but thatnk you for being a hero in my book. I hope that [donaldjohnston] Was there any at one time I may touch somesort of security around you? one’s life like that. can’t be reiterated enough – this story is amazing, and you are such a good person for doing it.

[zaklauersdorf] My heart just

grew three sizes …

[deleted] That fucking Disney.

Good on you for going to the dinner anyways.

[MattJayP] Blame idiot managers, not Disney. [rexmons] … so Alice … are you (ahem), seeing anyone right

former Disneyland cast member

if you were lucky in the busy season you would get a host that could assist in crowd control. spring break is by far the worst. one day i had 3 police officers help me get away from a 93

mob, i was only 5’0 and about 95 lbs so i was pretty scared. i was also very fortunate that they were nearby in the park to help. if you are with your unit aka other characters from your film its easier to get around. being alone is like placing a target on yourself. [marquis_of_chaos] Is there a

hierarchical structure to the cast members, are people characters more important than animal characters and do people characters look down on the animal actors?

no matter where you went, on stage or off people stared. im not sure i liked the way it worked though really. its weird having other cast members stare cause you are just an employee like they are. it was a pay issue as well, the face characters made $5 + an hour more than the fuzzies. [dimmak] How many languages do you speak?

i know English and Spanish fluently. i know some Japanese, actually there is. its German, Chinese and kind of a high school sign language too. mentality. face charac- you pick up a lot from ters are at the top working there and in(the popular kids) then teracting with so many its the regular coscultures. tumed characters, then the hosts and it goes [maltize] What are you doing downhill from there. with yourself now? most of the face charac- affiliate marketing and ters were “too cool” acting. weird combo i to sit with regular char- know! acters or people in other departments at lunch sometimes. and I am a

94

[Desidiosus] What were some of your scripted lines you had to deliver in different situations? Did you always have to use an English accent?

here were no real scripted lines, it was 99% improv. and yes i always had to speak with an english accent. i think i was pretty good too because i had an english family tell me they thought i would be an american girl O_o hahaha. guess i fooled em! [deleted] Ever seen the Alice in

Wonderland porno?

LOL NO. do not want. [bookey23] Did you ever come

into work hung over/still drunk?

Any good stories about people who did?

i actually auditioned hung over LOL. and yeah there was this girl who did daisy duck, she was like 4’10. she would show up to work every day dressed like a hooker at 6am and smelling like booze. but she was such a rare former Disneyland cast member

height that they let her get away with murder. [pl303] What made the Jack

Sparrow actor such a creep?

What were the reasons none of the girls liked him?

And if he was a creep, is there a reason he was kept on staff?

(Disney wouldn’t have any problem pulling in good actors for this role if they needed to)

i dont know i think it was that he tried too hard, or maybe it was the fact that he dressed as jack sparrow in his free time … most of the guys that did it were awesome. he was just a strange guy [deleted] Is the magic ruined?

kinda … yeah :[

[OMFG-Spot] Why did you leave

and what are you doing now?

i left because i was fired. not because i did anything bad mind you, but because disney is an ass kissing contest and im no ass kisser. its ok, ive moved on to bigger things. like the disney channel haha 95

[rusrs] Did they have the clean un-

derwear controversy while you were there? If so, how bad was it?

kind of? i refused to share tights with anyone and kept my own pairs separate. i know there was a ringworm issue for a bit and at one point i though i had gotten it but instead it was http://en. wikipedia.org/wiki/Pityriasis_rosea i was freaked

out and that was the “im not sharing anything with anyone ever again” stand that i took against them. they did not like the fact that i would not share but after being covered in those red patches for 2 months i was not really caring about what they thought. they got lazy sometimes and would not wash things we would sweat in all day. so nasty.

I am a

[NakedTonyDanza] What did you

think about playing a character that was essentially supposed to be hallucinating on mushrooms?

i thought it was cool actually. gave me an excuse to act confused or dense when someone asked questions i did not feel like answering [music-box-love] Oh fun! I love watching you and the mad hatter be ridiculous and silly in the park. Especially the musical chairs. It’s my favorite.

Anyways, my question is, what was the audition like? I’ve always wondered what kind of things they ask you to do and act out. And how many other people auditioned with you?

the audition is a 2 day process that starts with about 1000 people and usually about 8-10 get hired. it starts with a basic lookover 10 at a time in rows. you are either put on one side of the room or the other. if you are on the side with the fat girls you know you are done. so like one side of the room is crying and the other side is uncomfortable but trying not 96

to laugh. the uglies get sent out. then it goes to dancing. they teach you a routine and you perform it 4 at a time twice in front of the managers. then after everyone is done they call numbers. separate the room again. if you are on the side with the good dancers its the same process as the first. the bad get sent home. then its on to wigs. they try the wigs on you and you go back, if they like it on you they take pics, if they REALLY like it they ask you to put the full costume on then take pics. then you are put in a room. maybe 100 people are left at this point. you are called out one by one and either given a paper to come back the next day or you are told to go home. the next day involves about 20 people that come former Disneyland cast member

back. they test your dialect and improv skill. make you sing, dance again. then its the sit down interview where they pretty much tell you yes or no. when i was hired 12 people made it out of 1000. thats 12 face characters. i was the only alice that made it that audition.

[BMikasa]â&#x20AC;&#x201A; Did this spawn any

romantic relationships?

for me no, i had a rule called DDD. Dont Date Disney.

[Jynx1989]â&#x20AC;&#x201A; If you do not mind

me asking, how well does Disney pay?

not well enough for the amount of scars and permanent neck and back damage i received while there.

97

[deleted] I had an ex that was

offered to take over for an Ariel who had just been fired (while the ex was doing an internship) She ended up turning it down because she didn’t want to drop out of college and be full time disney. I guess speaking wasn’t a problem because she’d be the Ariel with legs, sans voice. but she had blonde hair, and I’m not sure how they’d reconcile that - wig or dye?

All in all though, she was the most frightening person I’ve ever dated. She was obsessed with the Disney channel.

Seriously – I would go over to her apartment after work and if a Steelers game wasn’t on (also obsessed with the Steelers) something like Suite Life or Hannah Montana was always on the TV. so weird.

Gotta say though – kudos to you face roles. You’re all hot.

chances are she was a huge liar then. character dept does not have interns and the only way in is an audition. nobody is really approached about being brought in. and the walking ariel speaks. and all characters wear wigs for a uniform look. i’ve met tons of girls who lie about having worked there. they say they did prinI am a

cesses and such the years i worked there and i knew everyone so i laughed in their faces for lying. sorry you dated such a nutcase. [klarth] What’s the most obnoxious guest you ever dealt with? How about the worst thing you ever saw/heard about someone getting fired for?

the most obnoxious guest was hat lady. she carried a bag of knitted hats and chased captain hook all day. she was the worst. and the best firing story ever is the story of a guy named nader. i can use the name cause there is no way in hell they will ever hire him again. he was tigger all the way back by the pooh ride. he decided that it was his last day. HE decided this. so he bounced allll the way through the park, past other tigger in town square, and out the front gate. then he de98

cided fuck it, he was already THAT FAR so he hopped over into disneys california adventure park, hopped all over that park and straight into a show that was going on. by this point management was FREAKING out because what could they do? you cant take down tigger in front of hundreds of kids, you just CANT. so they waited, while he performed in a show he was not really involved in and finally got him backstage. LOL honestly i think he deserved a medal of honor, not a firing but hey. LONG LIVE NADER. [PurpleDingo] Hey, I just moved

really close to the park and can hear the fireworks every night. Those aren’t year round, are they?

Okay, on to the real question: I’ve seen some real freaks around the park before (most of them are probably Disneyland Virgins hah) but I’m sure you’ve seen way worse.

former Disneyland cast member

What’s the most sketched out you’ve ever been by a visitor?

honestly this is an interesting story … there was a man who came every tuesday for years, taking photos of the girls and asking for autographs. i was honestly freaked out by him at first, till i learned his story about how he used to be an alcoholic and his doctor said he needed to find something else to do besides drinking. so he became involved with weekly visits to the park, earning him the name “mr. tuesday”. and when girls first met him sometimes they were freaked out like i was but when i gave him a chance i learned he was one of the most awesome people i may ever meet. he was so nice, he would bring me so many photos of myself working that i never could have taken myself and provided me with 99

awesome memories of my days. i was very upset to find he had taken his own life last year. i worry that maybe those who could not accept him drove him to that decision but i guess i’ll never know. and yes the fireworks are pretty much every night except in the off season. im 2 blocks away from the park LOL. get used to em, i have. [brokennoggin] You have no

idea the kind of smile you put on my face with this AMA. I think you might actually enjoy an anecdote because I was one of those guys that approached a character and asked her out. I hadn’t planned on doing so, and never did so prior or since. She too was Alice, but at the Magic Kingdom at Disney World, and I threw her off guard with the way I approached it.

You may feel like you’re acting like a twelve year old because you’re completely in character, but not everybody is always in that frame of mind.

For some reason, she caught my eye and wasn’t like a regular Alice so I decided to play a bit of a game with her. It wasn’t crowded and I started joking with her and hatter

I am a

laughing about stuff. They got a kick out of me knowing some of the subtle speak they had to use like “I’m a friend” instead of saying you’re the character. I went on a long “I have a friend, who’s a close friend of another friend … who thinks he’s a really close friend of Winnie the Pooh.” That confused everyone around except the two of them. They didn’t have any handlers, and a kid ran up to hatter, and I turned to Alice.

“You wouldn’t happen to have a good friend a little older who might want to have some tea and watch one of those talking pictures with me sometime?”

It’s almost scary how it almost seems like a dream to me now. Not entirely sure if it happened or not; almost as if I fell down the rabbit hole with her and emerged back into my real life later. I have no regrets letting her go because I was far too young at the time, but I do wonder “what if” every once in a while.

She said the way I approached her initially was one of the sweetest things a random person did to her while working.

What’s the sweetest, or nicest, thing someone had done to you while you were in character?

oh wow that was interesting. i had many propositions but at the time i was uninterested in others since i was taken. sounds cute

100

though. id have to say the nicest thing anyone ever did for me while i was in character was make beautiful photo books for me and give them to me on set. there were some japanese girls that would come see me once a year and bring me one and there was another family from australia that would bring me books as well. (i still have them all) or i remember every valentines day getting cute cards from people all day.

[laundryboat] Read through this

whole post. Seems like most of the questions are about peripheral things. I’d like to hear about you being Alice, what you said and did, e.g., what were some of your favorite lines, how did bring a smile to kids, how did you approach kids if they weren’t sure who you were, how did you act if you were with a whole family, can you give an example of what you mean be “improv”, etc. Thanks.

former Disneyland cast member

as alice i would say lots of things. usually playing off of people taking what they say and twisting it into a story or a game of questions. if i was in a hurry to somewhere i would ask people which way the white rabbit went, they would point and i would scurry off. some of the favorite lines we had were with people whos birthdays it was. the mad hatter only celebrates UNBIRTHDAYS so we would run away from people if it was their birthday screaming “NO DONT TOUCH ME! BIRTHDAYS ARE CONTAGIOUS!” hahahaha the kids who did not know who i was were funny, they would call me cinderella and i would exclaim “do i look like i clean cinders?” further confusing them. interacting with whole families was no dif101

ferent than interacting with one person, its just more people to play off of and have fun with. an example of improv could be some of the stories we told, we would do a story time every now and then, and take a simple story like goldilocks and the 3 bears, and change it to goldilocks and the 3 armadillos. we would make a mess of the story, making it up as we went using people in the crowds to act out the parts we describe. over all creating amazing times for all involved. [laundryboat] Wow, that sounds like a lot of work. Much more demanding than sitting back and having your pic taken like I imagine Cinderella.

It must be awesome to entertain people as a job. I don’t know how you get “into character” or psyche yourself up, but I think it must be intoxicating to see people feed off your energy and have a fun time.

just … easy. the second you do your mirror check and walk out into the open you are alice. no exceptions. yes that stroller that just hit your leg hurt but you are alice so no saying “holy fuck that hurt” you just kind of have to say “oh my” and thats it. and i miss the energy. i consider going back at times. [nutterbutter00] You said a lot

of cast members got married. Any funny pairings? Like Mickey married to one of the 7 dwarves, prince charming married to tigger, etc.? :)

i know of a minnie/pluto marriage LOL. but id have to say the best pairing of all time while i was there was the two aladdins.

at first it was difficult to “get into character” but after a while it was I am a

102

[midgeporn]â&#x20AC;&#x201A; Ok, Iâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;m sorry, but I have to ask: Is this you?

former Disneyland cast member

103

[metacali]â&#x20AC;&#x201A; Just wanted to say

that this is magical.

I am a

104

[rexmons]â&#x20AC;&#x201A; ... so Alice ... are

you (ahem), seeing anyone right now ...â&#x20AC;&#x2030;?

former Disneyland cast member

105

[radialmonster]â&#x20AC;&#x201A; What guy doesnâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t want pictures with a princess?

I am a

106

former Disneyland cast member

107

[radialmonster]â&#x20AC;&#x201A; I read a lot of the

other comments about the sexual attraction of Alice, and your response (quite correctly) is that Alice is only 12. I think part of the attraction is that you princesses don't look 12, nor are you really 12.

And all the Alices I have taken photos with were gorgeous!

[deleted]â&#x20AC;&#x201A; I FUCKING LOVE

ALICE IN WONDERLAND. Not a question, I just had to say it.

I am a

108

former Disneyland cast member

109

[ch33rful_id10T] Is this you?

That’s me at DCA.

I am a

110

[LOLalice]â&#x20AC;&#x201A; No, but i am in this video a lot, though i wont say which one i am.

former Disneyland cast member

111

[aliceomalice]â&#x20AC;&#x201A; Are either of these you?!

I am a

112

[LOLalice]â&#x20AC;&#x201A; ew no haha. those look like ugly florida girls [aliceomalice]â&#x20AC;&#x201A; grrr, i really want to know which one you played!!!

former Disneyland cast member

113

[gcanyon] A mundane question: what is your natural hair color?

(I’m wondering about complexion matching to Alice’s) [LOLalice] My natural hair color is blonde. we had one girl with black hair. it was fun for people to see her get out of costume because it would confuse them.

[alcaponeben] Is it weird to say

that Alice is my favorite female disney character and I fantasize about her?

My girlfriend is dressing up as Alice for Halloween. And it is highly possible that I suggested it to her. I love you, Alice.

[LOLalice] Nice. though i hope you dont fantasize about 12 year olds on a regular basis ... haha I am a

114

[Abrockhead]â&#x20AC;&#x201A; Is this you? If it is I owe you a print.

former Disneyland cast member

115

I am a

116

[deleted]â&#x20AC;&#x201A; I want to marry you.

former Disneyland cast member

117

118

I am a Syrian immigrant in Germany

119

Submitted by ghouta2germany

120

My short bio: I used to live in the town of Jobar which is the gateway or the battle front to the Ghouta. After losing my mother, my sister and many more loved ones and friends to the bombardments of the Assad Regime as well as many who died under torture or simply vanished.

In May 2014, I had to leave Syria and head for Lebanon. From there, along with few friends 121

we took a very risky and perilous journey to Germany. A journey that took us from Lebanon to Algeria in mid July 2014. In late July, we sailed on board those dangerous and very crowded ferries from the Libyan coasts heading for the Italian shores before being picked up by a NATO warship on duty in the Mediterranean.

We spent five days on board the NATO ship I am a

122

until it finished its tour, picking up more refugees on the way before heading back to Italy.

July, 2014 the journey begins at Beirut International Airport. Next stop: Algeria.

Syrian immigrant in Germany

123

Arriving to Algeria

Hidden in Algeria I am a

124

Crossing the Algerian and Libyan desert. With nothing above our head, the sun was excruciatingly hot. A never ending journey.

Syrian immigrant in Germany

125

We were almost held captives. Couldnâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t leave for fear of exposing ourselves to the local authorities in Libya.

Leaving the shores of Libya heading for Italy.

I am a

126

On board the NATO ship.

Nothing above our heads for days, but at least weâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;re safe.

Syrian immigrant in Germany

127

I am a

128

[deleted] As a Syrian, what are your opinions on the SSNP in Syria? Did you see much of them, or just from Assad’s Ba’ath Party?

Also, before the war, how enforced was conscription into the Army after education? Did you serve, or was it easy to dodge the draft?

[ghouta2germany] I’m

Army service is mandatory to all fit and able me in Syria no exceptions unless you’re an only child. There are ways to delay it: studies, bribes, pay a fee so that someone else serve in your place if you’re an expat etc. but ultimately, you will have to serve. If you have money and connections you can delay as much as possible.

not really into politics and SSNP does not mean much to me. I’m sorry. As for the Ba’ath, well it’s what got us to where we are now. Politics in Syria is a very [DistortedLines] “no exceptions touchy subject and the unless you’re an only child“ regime managed very My understanding is that you can also dodge it if you were well to make us disinterthe only male child, correct? ested in local politics. Correct. But you still You can talk about for- have to your circonscripeign politics as much tion branch every year as you want, but do not and prove to them you touch the inner politics. are still an only child So quite frankly we up to a certain age if I all dodged politics in remember correctly.

Syria. Syrians say: I did serve in the army.

El Heit El Heit Ya Rabbi [blogsofjihad] Did you get out of the army before the war startSitrak. Not sure how ed? I’m guessing since you’re to translate that! You 29 you probably served your four years in the 2005-2009 seem to be a Syrian, pertime frame. haps you understand You figured it out right. and can translate it to others.

Syrian immigrant in Germany

129

[Shadow-Seeker] What was it like in the army?

[MrAnon515] Do you still have family in Ghouta, and if so, are you still able to contact them?

A masquerade with a hint of organized humi- Yes I do. Most of my living family members liation wrapped in corruption reaching so are scattered inside the regime controlled high up you can’t imagine. Horrible condi- part of Damascus. tions. Bad treatment. I contact them through An institution where you Viber, Whatsapp and get to earn a degree in Skype when possible. lying, cheating, treach- They use satellite internet inside Ghouta. ery and hate.

I don’t know how it works and it’s not very [deleted] Can you tell something about your background? reliable.

How did you manage to stay alive in Jobar?

[Akton] What would you say I used to work in home was the most stressful or appliances with my scary part of the entire journey? family. We moved a lot.

Often retreating deep I must say that before inside the Ghouta, then the journey, you need to know that I was not back to Jobar when possible. My last known able to bury my mother and sister. I was not place of stay was the town of Ein Tarma you able to attend their fumight know it if you’re neral and I was not able familiar with Damascus. to say farewell to them in their grave. None of us, my brothers and I, were able to do so despite being less than 15 minutes from where they were. That was

I am a

130

heart breaking and [lurer] Do you have any hope of this conflict ending in a beyond stressful. They positive way (national reconciwere at a hospital liation and persecution of criminals from both sides) and morgue inside Damasif yes how do you think that cus and we were inside will happen?

Jobar and there was Frankly, I do not have no way we could cross high hopes the conflict the checkpoints. We had is going to end soon or some distant relatives in a positive way. There take care of the funeral. has been too much That I will never recov- bloodshed … too much.

The regime dragged er from.

Journey wize: The all its sympathizers with smugglers got lost in him in this conflict the Libyan desert for and they have become two and half days. We accomplices in many sincerely prepared to ways. But the human die then. Another truck part of me still hopes filled with women and for a miracle. children flipped over.

We had to muster what[shele] I am very sorry for your loss. Thank you for uploadever energy we had ing the photos and making an left, all of us young and AMA. Have you been able establish yourself a bit in Gerable men to bring it many? back up.

Slowly but surely. It’s difficult, but I have no [gubbsbe] Did you consider choice. joining a rebel group?

No. Otherwise I would [watewate] Where did you learn have stayed. I’m not English?

What was the composition of a military and violence the people on the boat like? As aficionado. in, were most Syrian refugees?

Where did they come from?

How much did you pay for the trip/crossing?

Syrian immigrant in Germany

131

My english is fair. My of your original documents?

Sorry for bombarding you with cousin is doing the this many questions,I’m just work for me. This AMA curious and would love to get some insight on this. Lastly, was his idea. welcome to Germany and I Loooooots of Syrians. hope you feel welcome! Good luck for the future!

A lot. We also had a fair number of Africans. As I explained previously, I was always a fan of I was very lucky, the cars, engines and whole thing cost me 3000 US dollars. I’ve German automotive engineering so Germany met people who paid held a special place in 10’500 Euros!!! my heart. Sounds weird [Techynot] How did u find that amount of money? You said u but that was the reason ate tree bark at one point.

Eating tree bark doesn’t quite honestly.

I used to work with my mean we didn’t have family in home applimoney. What good is money for if you can’t ances before the war.

The German governbuy anything with it. We were under siege. ment is taking good care of us. I cannot comPlus I borrowed from relatives and had other plain. Do I feel safe? relatives send me mon- I could never feel entirely safe after what I’ve ey to Lebanon. seen in Syria. Its difficult to flick the switch [confusedgerman23] Thanks for doing this, I have some and forget. questions. Why did you choose No I did not get rid of Germany as a destination? my documents. You What was your profession in Syria before the war? Do never know what might you want to stay here forever happen, so I kept them or are you planning to go back after this war ends? How with me. is the accommodation? Do you feel safe and do they take Thank you very much. care of you? Did you get rid

I am a

132

[confusedgerman23] Firstly, thanks for your reply. This may sound rude and it’s definitely a hard question, but I have a hard time believing that your love for German engineering is the sole reason for choosing Germany as destination.

Do you get financial benefits by the government here in Germany? What is your plan for the next few years? Did they offer you some kind of apprenticeship ?

My choice for Germany was sincerely motivated for the previously mentioned reasons, but it could’ve easily been Sweden, France or Austria. Perhaps the question is why a Western rather than an Arab country. Arab states, unfortunately, do not provide any legal status to refugees like me. So I needed a country that will provide me with a legal status. A country that will give me back some form of dignity and recognition after my Syrian national ID card became a document for racial profiling inside Syria and my birth Syrian immigrant in Germany

place, clearly stated on the ID card decided whether I was to be arrested or let go and sometimes live or die when I crossed checkpoints. I needed a country that was capable to provide me that security. Arab states do not easily provide any of that. This conflict seems to eternalize everyday.

I do get aid. Germany has been very good to us.

I plan to learn the languge and I’m already looking into hitting the school desks again and obtain some sort of professional diploma to work or start my own work here in Germany. I hate sitting on my behind and do nothing. I feel that Syrians refugees are getting a lot of hate because they are seen like other refugees who sit down and collect benefits, but I know that 133

Syrians in particular are very hard working and anyone who’s been to Syria could agree with me. We really like to work. That’s my opinion no offence to others, but that’s also what I heard from so many.

and on. There were many types of bombing /shelling: Mortar, artillery, tanks and the most devastating were the airstrikes and the TNT barrels. Let’s not forget the chemical weapons. I was there when they killed thou[CIA_Shill] Hi, congratulations sands within minutes on reaching a safe haven in using sarin gas.

Europe, I hope you find peace No, food was very scarce. again there.

How often were you shelled/ The regime withheld bombed a day and was this effective in targeting resis- everything and when tance fighters or reducing they let it in it was not their support from local civilians? Were you able to source enough. I’d say less enough food to survive in than 20% of what was Jobar? To what extent did you supposed to get in. have freedom of movement in Jobar? How did you escpe We often resorted to eat Jobar? Who would you like to see ‘win’ the civil war or do grass, tree leaves and, you believe all sides have lost believe it or not, tree legitimacy?

What are your thoughts on the bark.

Kurds and the possibility of Certain areas of Jobar them establishing a Kurdish were strictly off limit state? Do you believe that there is significant support for and controlled by fundamental Islam amongst the rebels. But in gennative Syrians? What steps would you like to see the intereral, moving in Jobar national community take in was easy and free Syria?

Bombing was on daily but at what cost? You basis. Sometimes they’d never knew when a TNT barrel or an artilskip a day. Bombing often started at 11pm lery shell would fall.

I am a

134

I escaped after six of negotiations with third party men who played both sides.

I bribed some officers to close their eyes when I passed through the checkpoint. It was very risky and I could have easily been duped and taken to jail or worst shot on the spot.

I was dead anyways so I did not care anymore at that point.

I guess I was lucky and my momâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s soul was watching over me! I do not see anyone wining at this point. I do not think Syria will ever be united again. I think Syria is going to be divided to several states.

No comments on the Kurds.

Depends who you ask.

If you ask someone whoâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s seen his family being slaughtered before his eyes and children die an agonizing death, then chancSyrian immigrant in Germany

es are he or she might join the devil himself to defeat the regime and see Bashar hanged to death. But in general, most people are not fans of ISIS. Al Nusra is a different story. Al Nusra do not compare to ISIS. I have not seen or been in contact with any ISIS members.

In fact there was no ISIS when I left. But Al Nusra was in our area and despite being considered radical they kept to themselves and would simply tell the guys to join the fight but never force them like ISIS does.

Take action and stop denouncing. Enough talk. The people need action. Give them an air embargo, stop Russia from interfering, never mind Iran, and I guarantee you the real patriotic rebels will drive the regime and its allies in less than a 135

month. Maybe too op- blood, urine and all timistic but that’s my sort of bodily fluids. opinion.

Lice, ticks, rats and [CIA_Shill] Thank you so much many more creatures for your response, from your description it sounds like hell were a calamity they in Syria, no human should had to endure on a have to suffer such things and I’m very sorry to hear that you daily basis. The second have suffered so much. time he we went to work Trust me, what I’ve in the morning and seen does not compare never came back. All to what others have we know is that he’s seen or endured. Wait somewhere imprisoned till my brother who in Damascus. is imprisoned hopefully [deleted] He’ll be safe Insha’allah. I hope Syria gains a victory gets out one day and against their oppressors soon, let him do an AMA and it’s been too long. hear what he got to I hope so. say. He was arrested at the beginning of the [the_red_wheelbarrow] What conflict just because he would be your preferred soluwas from Jobar and tion to the war in Syria? And in what circumstances would jailed for 4 months withyou be happy to come back out any criminal charge. there?

He emerged thinner I frankly don’t see any solutions at the mothat a stick and had permanent knee injury ment. To me it’s a deadfrom being squeezed lock … stalemate as with 70 prisoners in a far as I’m concerned. very tiny cell and that The international community is not doing was the least of his problems. The had dead enough to pressure the corpses left with them regime. There’s a clear lack of intention in the cell for days.

They slept in a pool of in replacing the regime.

I am a

136

Russia and Iran are there is a new depressing video of a market being bombed doing whatever they or refugee camp. want to support the re- These bombs have killed 10x people than ISIS could gime. So … I don’t see more ever dream of killing. Not to any short term solution. mention the 10,000+ tortured to death, and the several The regime is practidozen regime massacres that cally finished but it’s have killed thousands or the thousands more random still being supported killings by snipers and soldiers from here and there. etc. The regime has also bepeople as well they just On the other hand you headed don’t publicize it like IS does. got ISIS and co. It’s They also start to seem much “secular” when you sad, I feel very sad for less see pictures of them writing my country, for my “Ya Ali” on barrel bombs or spray painting it on Sunni people and all the inno- mosques and villages they cent lives being wasted. take over. Bar none the regime

has caused more death, human suffering and damage to Syria than all the other [zombiekidlikesturtle] are you groups put together. isisdisplaced? [deleted] I heard 10,000 plus No. Isis was not that tortured to death more than ago. Probably a lot more big when I left. I’m re- abyyear now. When you think about gime displaced. that number- 10,000 people [zephyrg] This seems to me to tortured until they died- it just be a significant reply as drives home how fucked up western media mostly reports Assad and his regime are.

[MikasaChan] The 10,000 ISIS being the main negative comes from the “Caesar reforce in the Syrian conflict. port” released last year which It’s getting increasingly easy was thousands of pictures to forget about the regime which governed and forced taken by an ex-Assad military Syria into this situation. photographer. It contained [MikasaChan] The majority of the photos of over 11’000 people 3 million Syrian refugees almost all with obvious signs are from rebel held areas that of torture. Not only have many the regime has bombed more been tortured since then, into smithereens. Every time but also Caesar was based the rebels take a pro-rebel in Southern Syria so he only town the next day the regime photographed a fraction of the starts barrel bombing the crap total that were killed. There were probably thousands more of it. Like clockwork. It’s sad torture victims from Idlib and because literally every day Syrian immigrant in Germany

137

Aleppo that were not included in the report.

The report is sad for many reasons. One is just the human suffering it documents. In the collection were photos of Hamza Ali Al-Khateeb the 13 year old boy the regime arrested for spray painting antiregime grafitti. They then tortured him to death, cut off his penis and then gave his body back to his parents. That event was basically what started the protests. Also a lot of well-known activists who disappeared are in the collection as well. Activists from different towns have set up sites where friends and family can identify their family members from the collection.

The saddest thing is the fact that we have some of the best evidence of war crimes the world has ever seen yet they still let Assad continue his killing. [deleted] Yes, that’s the report I was thinking of. And that was just by January 2014.

[MikasaChan] It’s kind of hard to wrap your mind around.

Killing on that scale is unfathomable.

there is not even a chance Syria will obtain peace in the next decade. [↑ zephyrg] [NikNakWhack124C41] My hus-

band left syria because of the regime, people always ask about ISIS but he lost more people to the regime than anything. But the media only talks about isis, not the regime. [deleted] Exactly. I saw statistics from Syria Campaign the other week showing that over 95% of civilian deaths in Syria have been at the hands of the regime, with a little over 2% from da3sh. [deleted] If the regime had an Islamist instead of secular veneer, than their crimes would get much more coverage. Sad state of affairs. [↑ zephyrg] [genitaliban] Well, now they’re

reporting that. In the beginning of the conflict, they reported what happened then, which is what OP experienced. So this doesn’t mean they’re lying.

[MikasaChan] Except 90% of what they report is just clickbait fear-mongering. Hugely important events in Syria get [↑ MikasaChan] barely any attention while the [stagethepoop] “Bar none the latest ISIS beheading/stoning/ regime has caused more crucifixion gets top play every death, human suffering and time. Meanwhile dozens of damage to Syria than all civilians are killed every day by the other groups put together.” one of the most ruthless and That is probably true. blatant bombing campaigns But every other armed group in modern times and it doesn’t including the FSA did conduct get a peep. As terrible as a the same crimes (maybe beheading or stoning is its not except the bombings) in a lower that important in the grand scale. I am dead unsure Syria scheme of the conflict yet its would become a better place the only thing that gets attenafter a regime change. I think tion. And getting attention is

I am a

138

exactly what ISIS wants when Kurdish advance wouldn’t it puts out these videos out even be there. Or the fact that and the media plays right into the rebels just captured their hand because fear sells almost all of Idlib province and have almost completely papers. [genitaliban] I just checked – turned around what had been first article on Syria/IS I could 2 years of regime momenfind on their websites each: tum. A huge story - literally the FAZ has a dossier on Assad’s entire momentum of the war distress, Zeit has a similar one, shifting and almost nothing NZZ writes about the Druze about it. Or how the Druze problem, SZ reports that war is in the South of Syria are about expensive, heute says that the to get sucked into the conflict US is sending ground troops, opening what could be an entirely different front in the war. and Tagesschau apparently has nothing on Syria / IS at all. Nothing.

If you go on major news sites None of that screams “fearyou have to really search for mongering” to me. actually important news about Edit: Though I just now realized people here were talking Syria, because the front about Western media in gen- page articles are always ISIS. eral, not about German media It is fear-mongering because in regard to OP ... media realize scary buzzwords [MikasaChan] Yes Western like ISIS attract views. Unmedia in general. Reddit is a fortunately their obsession pretty good indicator of it. with ISIS has come at the cost Completely baseless stories of ignoring important events about ISIS members catching or crimes done by the regime on a hugely greater magniEbola (a two for one combo ISIS and Ebola!) get the front tude than ISIS. page, but I haven’t seen anything about Assad’s crimes for [↑ zephyrg] years. Its just common sense. [USmellFunny] All the forces A headline with crucifixion in it fighting in the Syrian Civil War are negative. is going to get more clicks then a story about a city no one has heard about in Syria [↑ zephyrg] getting captured by a group. [lol-da-mar-s-cool] western meAssad has been using Chlorine dia mostly reports ISIS being in Syria for the last year and the main negative force in the it gets almost no mention.

Syrian conflict.

And the average person prob- ... that’s because they are? ably knows nothing about ... and this one man’s story that because the news just cov- somehow disproves that? ers ISIS on repeat.

[Anthem40] You ought to read [MikasaChan] Just look at front up on the history of the Assad page of worldnews right now. regime during the civil war.

All the stories are ISIS stories. [lol-da-mar-s-cool] I’m very familiar with the conflict, in fact If ISIS wasn’t involved then I’m sure this hugely important I have extended family over Syrian immigrant in Germany

139

there. The Assad regime has definitely done a ton of morally reprehensible shit, I’m not arguing that they haven’t. All sides, including the rebels have blood on their hands. Anyone that knows anything about the conflict realizes that ISIS are on a whole other level, and are inarguably the most negative force in the region. [deleted] There are a lot of fucked up people in Syria. ISIS, Assad, Al Qaeda. For some reason people seem to think they have to pick a side. [drummer1248] The regime and Isis seem to be on the same level of brutality. Both behead enemies, both torture and both target civilians. [marshallsbananas] And one happens to be orders of magnitude more stable than the other. [drummer1248] Stable? By what measurement? Assad isn’t in control and is indiscriminately barrel bombing.

Edit: This is what OP said about Assad in a reply “The dead piled up daily and still the people chanted Silmia Silmia (Peaceful Peaceful). Syrians were very cautious and knew the viciousness of the regime right from the start. The massacres of Hama in 1982, the massacre of Palmyra prison in 1980 and Aleppo are still fresh in the minds of our parents. So yes they knew the regime was not going to be gentle but many were pushed and stretched to the limits so they did not care anymore especially when the regime stepped up the violence.“ Assad has been extremely unI am a

stable for years. I think you’re watching too much CNN [marshallsbananas] I think you’re reading too much reddit. [↑ lol-da-mar-s-cool] [teh_fizz] No they’re not. ISIS

is relatively new to Syria.

Everyone I know who died was killed by the regime. People were kidnapped and tortured.

Some returned, others died in captivity. The regime is way more dangerous than ISIS. [↑ zephyrg] [Melicalol] Lets be honest here.

ISIS is utter shit. Bunch of lunatics who countries like Russia, Iran, Turkey and lets not forget the big one, the US gave /give them a shopping spree of Weapons.

[Harinezumi] Russia and Iran support Assad, and the only weapons the US sends ISIS’s way explode on arrival.

The Turkish government, OTOH, seems completely at ease with Turkey becoming a major transit hub for ISIS fighters, weapons, and money. [smm2000] Considering that ISIS has thousands of humvees in perfect working order, I doubt that all US weapons supplied to ISIS exploded on arrival.

[Harinezumi] The US supplied them to the enemies of ISIS, though. Unfortunately, the Iraqi army tends to run when someone looks at it funny.

[Dommy73] They mostly have homemade technicals and tgat bit of actual military hardware is what they stole from iraqi army when they abandoned them.

140

washers, stoves etc. The Italians simply asked ed out to be a complete fraud.

He couldn’t even speak Arabic. me: Where do you want He deleted his account when to go? I answered, he got outed. It was just some pro-Assad kid from the West. Germany. As simple as Big drama on /r/syriancivilwar that. One week later when it happened. [zombiekidlikesturtle] Yeah it was I found myself in a hilarious small village not [deleted] He came back as learncoder right? At first he pre- far from Munich along tended to be Israeli but evenwith others. tually everyone started calling [↑ zombiekidlikesturtle] [MikasaChan] isisdisplaced turn-

him out as being isisdisplaced because he used the exact same rhetorical s tyle and focused on the same points.

[MikasaChan] Yea that’s him. He no longer pretends to be Israeli, but he still won’t admit to being isisdisplaced. Honestly kid must have mental problems. Either that or someone was paying him to smear the rebels. I don’t know how someone could put that much effort into faking something like that. [deleted] I suspect quite a few pro-regime and pro-Hezbollah people on social media and reddit are paid shills. I’m sure there is more than a few on the Syrian Civil War subreddit from the looks of it. [passerby_me] Thanks for this AMA. I have 2 questions.

What do you for a living before the war? How do you get to germany from Italy? Thanks in advance.

[kebabji] Did you participate in the protests at some point?

Who didn’t in a way or another. We all chanted Silmia Silmia. We all chanted Hurria Hurria.

People forget that.

All they remember is ISIS and beheadings.

So unfortunate, so heart breaking. We gave so many lives during those peaceful demonstrations only to see it all hijacked by ISIS and ruthless mercenary thugs claiming to be Islamists or pretending to be FSA.

My family owned a home appliances business. I sold fridges, Syrian immigrant in Germany

141

[ButlerianJihadist] Did you take part in the armed uprising personally? Were you a part of any rebel group?

a lash at them without anyone stopping it.

Ultimately, they had to protect themselves and fight back … and it was exactly what the regime wanted so that it could the legitimacy it was looking for to hit with a massive force.

No I did not. I supported the peaceful marches at the beginning of the conflict. The ones that chanted: Silmia Silmia (Peaceful Peaceful). I keep repeating it because people have short memories and [The_GanjaGremlin] How secure they forget that before is the siege of East Ghouta?

Are people able to easily get ISIS, before Al Nusra, in or out? before Hezbollah inter- Very secure. Almost 95 fering, before scenes to 100% Venturing of beheadings, EVEN in and out was a certain BEFORE the Free Syrian death. It was extremely Army, for months we dangerous. chanted Peaceful Peaceful and all we got was [deleted] As an American I more deaths, more torwish my country would accept ture and more imprismore Syrian refugees.

Has anyone you know tried to onment. Young men, immigrate to America? Have women, children, elders they been successful? ... all dead or simply I have a lot of relatives vanished. I did not par- in Canada but North take in any armed America is a far reach confrontation but many for me. did because they had no choice. The regime pushed them into a corner and was taking I am a

142

When we reached the Italian shores or Sicily, the ferry signaled SOS. A NATO ship to our rescue. Although we were a swimming disThe journey was very tance from the Sicilian difficult and physically coast at one point, demanding. We spend the NATO ship did not almost a week in let us disembark and the desert inside trucks kept us on board for few without anything above more days till they our heads. We got finished their tour of lost in the Libyan desert duty and picked more for two and half days, refugees on the way. So we then thought that we once again were were were really going to sleeping without anydie and prepared for it, thing above our heads no joke! One truck but the skies. Food was carrying women and scarce: A water bottle children flipped over and a rice bowl was our at one point in the mid- daily ration. dle of the desert.

We were held captives [deleted] Can you tell us who at one point in Libya the smugglers were? What nationality, what was their backand were not allowed to ground? Also, how were relatalk, move or look tions between migrants from sub Saharan Africa and those outside. Once again we from the middle east? Did you thought that we were interact at all? going to die.

They were mainly LibyThe ferries were not in an Amazigh (Berbers). good conditions. Over- They had some Tuniscrowded, but at least we ians that worked for them. They were scary had safety jackets. [thelord4444] This is amazing,

exactly what i was looking for. Can you please tell me how the journey was? how dangerous the boats are? what are the chances of drowning? how did you handle the passports and ID’s?

Syrian immigrant in Germany

143

and could not be trust[tha2ir] I used to live in Midan and a lot of my family lived ed, but we had no in Jobar. I have no questions choice. Very bad treatbut I want to wish you the very best of luck and inshAllah ment. Very bad. We everything will only get better did not interact with from here, for you and for Syria. :) them. We were a large I hope so too. group of Syrians who kept to ourselves.

[MesmerizingMe] How do you [FreedomByFire] how did you know they were amazigh?

We asked.

[FreedomByFire] Interesting. Did they speak amazigh and could you describe them if possible.

Thanks.

We did not interact with them a lot and they spoke to us in Arabic. I don’t mean any disrespect to the Amazigh btw. Every nation has good and bad people.

They just happen to be the bad ones. I think such job requires people of their caliber.

feel about the rising tensions Europeans are showing due to the increase of number of immigrants across the Mediterranean, and do you actually experience any of the personally?

I have not experienced any form of racism or hate so far. I’m glad for that and I hope to never see any. [hawksfan222] Are you religious?

What is your take on Islamist groups such as Islamic State and Al-Nusra? Do you see them as Syrian opposition or just a opportunist terrorists ?

I’m a normal muslim who prays and fasts and respects the teachings [deleted] How did they get of moderate Islam. I there?

They’ve been there for do not go imposing my view on people and I more than 22 years. do not interfere in their They’re old expats. business.

I did not have any contact with ISIS. It did I am a

144

not even exist when I [fdgsdhersersduj] was the nato ship german? left or maybe it did but Italian. (OP’s cousin it wasn’t that important. As for Al Nusra, here: Look closely at the insignia on the Helithey were there and I’ve seen them. They copter, I’m pretty positive it’s Italian) mostly kept to themselves, never bothered [fdgsdhersersduj] how far from me. Some people told the libyan coast did they me that they would ask pick you up? where did most other people go from italy, the guys to join them to what countries? and explain to them that About 12 hours or 300 its their duty to do to 400 KM. so but they never forced By order of priority: anyone to do so. Al Germany, Netherlands Nusra gained popularity and Sweden. Then and legitimacy because some asked to go to they installed some Denmark and Norway. form of justice also. As far as the rest of the [deleted] What happened Al Nusra, I cannot realonce you arrived in Italy? How ly tell you. Maybe the would you describe the treatment you received? How long guys in our area were did you spend there before nice. I don’t know! your - I guess - asylum request to Germany was approved?

I don’t see any of them How did you get to Germany in the opposition, esthen? How much did the boat journey cost? pecially not ISIS. ISIS Good luck for your new life in is serving the purpose Europe. of the regime, distort- Italian coast guards ing the image of Islam were extra nice to us. and shifting public Some people said we attention from the root were lucky and that cause of the problem. they fell on rude guards.

Syrian immigrant in Germany

145

My experience was nice with them even nicer than their German counterparts or less serious I should say.

They made us feel more at ease. About a week.

I had the opportunity to leave the next morning but I was too tired.

I took a train from Modena to Nuremberg.

The whole journey cost me 3000 us dollars. Some people paid 10500 euros. [yhelothere] Why do you think Assad bombed your neighborhood? Was it specifically to bring terror to the civilians or were some fighters near you?

Thanks und willkommen in Deutschland!

cus (Abbasyeen square) and beyond.

[Stefan_Zhirkov] What do you and your relatives left behind think of Zahran Alloush?

People have mixed opinions. Depends who you ask and whether they are benefiting (financially) from the group you are asking about. Money rules in certain areas … most areas I’d say. The war left nothing so whoever pays earns respect and loyalty.

[AndyAwesome] Can you tell me why there seem to be 90% young males on these refugee boats? Why dont the women and old people take the trip?

Jobar is a strategic point Old people cannot make to enter Ghouta. They such journey. It’s very needed to control Jobar physically demanding. badly so it was a mix Women are often left of everything: fighters in Lebanon or Jordan gathered in Jobar, force while their men fix their the civilians to flee status, provide them and blame the rebels for and hope to repatriate their misfortune, push them to wherever they the line of fire as far as are later on. possible from DamasI am a

146

human being, not an animal or a parasite.

Impossible. Can’t depart They treat me like a human being with flesh from any airport to Germany without a and blood. They know what respect is and German visa. [anarchokawaii] how’d you get they show it. A lot into libya then? of Syrians who support Through the desert.

Assad here are now labeling me as a traitor [Plutonium_239] Are you grateand an bigot and sayful to the German government ing that I had all that and people for accepting and caring for you and other in Syria before the war.

Syrian refugees?

To them I say: I wish What do you like most about Germany, what do you dislike a ‘Time Machine’ existmost? ed so that you can go How do you feel about the PEGIDA movement? who back in time to 2005 or believe that Germany is being made too accept far more 2009, put yourself refugees than other European in the shoes of a normal countries and that the German government cares more middle class person about refugees than it’s own who does not have conpeople by providing them with nections or lots of housing, welfare etc.

How can I not be great- money, go to a government building to get ful to someone who offered me safety, sup- something, anything, a certificate or a permit port and took me in when I was in dire need? and lets see the how Of Course I’m gratemuch respect, nice ful and anyone who says words or smiling faces otherwise is a liar. you’re going to see What I like about Ger- and hear. Go server one day in the army and many? People here make me feel like I’m a lets see how much re[anarchokawaii] why didnt you just take a plane directly to germany?

Syrian immigrant in Germany

147

spect and dignity you are going to encounter if you dont bribe your way all the way up.

I’m not familiar with PEGIDA. I understand what it is now that you are explaining.

I really can’t say much about it, except they have the right to view us this way, but what can I do? I just got here and I’m intending to become an active member of Germany and not a parasite. I cannot change their view or the view of the politicians who are behind them except say to them war is a very ugly thing and Germany knows exactly how ugly war is. Please be patient with us and do not rush to judgement.

We are not here to change your way of life or step over your values. Look closely and you’ll see that it’s not the freshly arrived I am a

that is stirring problems in here but rather those who been here for generations and have either been marginalized, ghettoized or choose not to integrate in the German society. France is suffering tremendously from this and I hope that Germany does not get to that position. I’m still fresh here. I need sometimes to understand and start to engage in the German dynamics and politics.

[Mabsut] If it’s too personal

don’t answer, but do you prefer an Islamic Syria or a secular one, and why? No offense but most people of the Ghouta and typically any rural area seem to be hardcore fanatics of imposing religious rules on others, but as you’ve cleared up in the other comments; money is the main player and currently the only successful and rich groups opposing Asad are the Islamist ones, and many uneducated people think (thanks to Islamist propaganda) that Asad’s sectarian policies are becuase of secularism, while in fact Asad’s very far from being secular unlike what many people say.

148

First: Allah yessalmak Second: Interesting question! Yes ghouta is a rural area. People inside ghouta are more conservative and more religious but not fanatics and definitely not ISIS like fanatics. Far from it. However, you cannot throw away the fact that Islam is their catalyst because they grew up in a muslim society and it’s they only thing they know but that doesn’t mean they are fanatics. If I pray 5 times a day, fast Ramadan and don’t drink alcohol does not make me a fanatic and want to kill infidels as ISIS is doing.

If you ask them, they will tell you that they want a democratically elected government that respects and does not step over the major religious important points. A lot of them want a Turkish model.

Syrian immigrant in Germany

Erdogan is maybe not very well liked but Turkey has improved a lot in the past ten years.

A lot of them look at the Turkish economy and the standards of living and are envious of that when they know that a ‘Islamic like’ government is in place and has provided to helped providing that. They look at Turkey and see a democracy where you can criticize the government and not be tortured to death.

149

150

I am a Waffle House grill operator

151

Submitted by MrJacksEnigma

152

I’m mainly doing this because someone last night said I should.

I got called into work tonight, so I figured, why not? I’ve been with Waffle House for 3.5 years, so I’ve seen a lot.

My Proof:

153

Edit: Guys, the response to this has been way more than I anticipated. Keep asking questions, I’ll be here all night. If I don’t answer immediately, I’m ya know, cooking.

Edit 2: I’m struggling to keep up with all the questions. Will answer as soon as I can guys. Sorry! Edit 3: Again, sorry for the delay in answering. We got kinda busy. Im trying to catch up!

I am a

154

Edit 4: Alright guys and gals, it’s been real fun, but it’s time for bed. I absolutely loved doing this. I’ll totally respond more when I wake up, if there are more questions. Thank you for all the questions!

Waffle House grill operator

155

I am a

156

[A-fat-knight] What’s your favorite meal at Waffle House?

[MrJacksEnigma]

I typically just eat a Burger, if I’m working.

But if I’m off and happen to stop in, I either get Ribeye and Eggs, or an All-Star. They’re both a lot of food, for the best price. [squattmunki] I ate there once

and watched the grill guy cook my food. He touched raw bacon and then buttered toast without washing his hands. I should’ve walked out but I was slightly intoxicated and hungry.

Is this the norm?

with a bunch of shit in it, and put his hashbrowns in his burgers.

[Jenkins92] What is the best

experience you can take away from working at Waffle House?

Honestly, it really prepares you for doing things under pressure, and at a fast pace.

You have to be able to manage many things at once when it’s busy.

[JamesGoodall] I never thought

the four months I put into WH would help me any more than just paying for my summer shenanigans, but it got me hired on the spot at my current job. That shit isn’t a joke. Whenever my coworkers complain about how busy Sunday rush is I just laugh and remember weekend lunch when the small grill was covered in bacon and the big grill was just a layer of carpet of hash browns.

It’s not, at all. There are very stringent rules on that. Hell, the training video in the back talks about it. We are supposed to wear gloves at all times, and change It’s always been said them after touching that people look at you raw food. differently if you have experience from WH. [X-Yz] What was the most You know how to handle stoner-esque order you’ve gotten before? your shit.

This one guy got a bunch of originals (tiny hamburger patties) and a triple hashbrown Waffle House grill operator

157

[SLUgamer] How long is the

training to become a cook at WH?

It varies from person to person. The training is basically you working at the meat grill, and learning by watching. I trained for about 3 weeks, then got thrown on my own shift.

[newcirclejerkmod] Not a bad

gig. What’s your area like (to gauge cost of living compared to that wage)?

Currently I make $8.50 an hour, and I live in a decent 2 bedroom apartment with a roommate, have a car payment, a phone bill, and insurance. It’s not the best, but I make due with what I can. [lamarcs] What does it take Now, if I was making $15 to be a Master Grill OP, and what does your career an hour, I’d be much progression look like? more capable of taking They’re currently of myself. restructuring Grill Ops care[desenagrator] How many hours pay plans, and everydo you work a week? one is going to have to ~40. Except for this re-do testing. It’s a week, because it’s 50.

3part thing, with having Guy called in tonight, you cook a lot of food, so here I am.

[Klashus] how much is your then a written test, and rent? an evaluation by 3 big- I pay $400 a month. ger managers.

Edit: Current career [ElCaptainRon] Canadian here, progression is, after I love waffle house, friendly staff, good cheap food, favtesting and everything, ourite part of going down I can make up to $15 south besides warmth. How do I make proper waffle house an hour if I get the highgrits, and any other advice est rank. you have on breakfast preparation?

We get our grits in a packaged container, and I am a

158

just throw them and [noshore4me] What’s your favorite book? boiling water in a pot.

God’s Debris by Scott It’s a consistency thing when you know Adams. they’re done, and I [dreadpiratewombat] Now that can’t really describe it.

Waffle House has capitalized [Southernerd] Why the fuck

can’t I get waffle batter pancakes?

Because it’s Waffle House, not Pancake House. Seriously, we can get in trouble for making pancakes.

[tzenrick] How bad does the

weather have to get for you to get a day off?

The store would literally have to be destroyed. There was a really major flood last year, and we still had to come to work. [deleted] Scattered, smoth-

ered, chopped, or diced?

Edit: and why?

on the “smothered and covered” concept to a ridiculous level, do you hate hashbrowns?

Hashbrowns have never been my favourite to eat. Also, I always eat them plain. [luurrkker] Is there a rivalry bet-

ween Waffle House and Huddle House? I’ve always kind of seen the two as the 24 hour restaurant version of Ford/ Chevy or Coke/Pepsi. If so how heated is the rivalry?

I’m pretty sure Huddle House and Waffle House get along fine.

Huddle House is franchised, IIRC. [AutomationWiz] How do I per-

fectly fry an over easy egg?

Scattered well. Like, al- Just practice it, it takes time. most burnt. Edit: I don’t like things in my hashbrowns, and crispy is super good.

Waffle House grill operator

159

[BoogLife] Where do you plan to

go after this job and what are your dreams in life? I’m guessing you don’t want to work there forever, right?

I want to eventually go to school for Psychology. Ultimately, I just wanna help people.

Though, if I wanted to, I could retire off of Waffle House. They have a really good stock program.

[THE_area_supervisor] I’ve never

been. Should I go?

Totally! It’s definitely an experience. [draco5374] What shift do you

work? I know from years of waffle house patronage that first shift is full of cranky old people, second shift is boring as hell, and third shift gets all the fun drunks and crazies.

Also, what secret off menu items do you know about and/ or make for customers on an occasion?

I work third shift, am currently at work. I’ve made big-ass sandwiches where you take two waffles and put an All-Star in between Comment your heart them. Giant breakout! Or your Bacon salt! I’m definitely not fast wraps with so much gonna work here forstuff in them. I’m a ever, but if you are that legend around here for dedicated, you have making crazy shit. good options. [iheartbaconsalt] Oh oh, sorry to

comment so much, but this is EXACTLY what Dell fed to all of us. TONS of stock options.

Then Y2K and BAM, that new house I wanted is now, “maybe a used couch.”

[GayAndAllergicToNuts] I like your

chocolate chip waffles. I know they’re not “yours” but you know what I mean. Have you ever tried acid?

[swish_] How many fights have you seen? and what was the worst one?

I’ve not seen any fights, but I’ve almost been Never tried acid. They involved in quite a few. are my chocolate chip waffles, don’t let them lie to you.

I am a

160

[bigpandamonium] Waffle House [MrJacksEnigma] Look here, is on my restaurant bucket list. Fucker.

What should I order when I go? [mflbatman] I’m picturing you your spatula in a It depends on what you holding threatening manner. Accurate? like to eat, honestly.

[MrJacksEnigma] Or a knife. [lingh0e] A spatula would hurt I hate that answer, but more.

I can’t just tell you [ming_the_merciless] It’s definitely take longer. what to eat.

[PSX_] Or the waffle iron [MrJacksEnigma] Right?

[Owenleejoeking] Well that ended [GoogleyEyedNopes] When the that quickly inevitable ape-pocalypse [MrJacksEnigma] Lol. comes how long could a group [UnicornsAreRea1] Spatula is of four survive off the food more threatening. in your store? Assume that said monkey business starts the [↑ mflbatman] day you receive a fresh deliv[blackbeltboi] Waffle House is ery of food. the only place I’ve ever been If we can cook things, threatened by the server.

It was all in good fun, but the then a pretty good whole place went silent when while. The commissary Mrs. Boogie told me she was „gonna use this knife to stays pretty stocked. cut that fucking smug grin off my face“ after I ordered a chocolate chip waffle. This [IrishWeegee] What item on the all occurred because and I’m menu do you dread to be quoting here „this skinny ordered? Like something that white bitch was just in here before y’all and she ordered is just too much hassle and when you’ve got bacon, hash like 20 god damned chocolate chip waffles, don’t order and waffles all going at the same time then this thing no god damned chocolate comes up. My guess would be waffle.“ the ribeye but idk.

That 3am on Martian Luther King Jr. Day is the sole reason Fucking. Poached.

I still go to Waffle House Goddamned. Eggs. one of the best nights of my [IrishWeegee] Oh god, I could life. It’s worth noting this was see those being a bitch. on a college campus and Not much else you have to set the only reason we went to a pot of water for.w Waffle House in the first place [MrJacksEnigma] It’s my all is because we saw the girl time least favourite thing to she was talking about walking cook. into our dorm will multiple [southchiraqtwerkteam] I know to go boxes of chocolate chip what I’m ordering 16 of ... waffles.

Waffle House grill operator

161

[Lutraphobic] Upvote for Martian in advance and can just reheat

Luther King Jr [sharpMR] ... Martian Luther King Day?

them in a minute (place in bowl, pour some hot water on top and voila ... )

[↑ MrJacksEnigma] [ThePartyTrick] Poached eggs

[↑ southchiraqtwerktea] [Thorston] Make sure that you

are easy to cook mate, this is the same principal I use at my cafe, only without transferring to ramekin then to spoon then to pot, just straight in the pot. Also the plate is unnecessary. This way also, if they get left in a bit too long they don’t go to hell. http://www. channel4.com/programmes/how-to -cook-like-heston/articles/all/ poached-eggs-recipe [MrJacksEnigma] I’ll look into it. [tsilihin666] This is the most entertaining AMA I’ve read in a long while.

[MrJacksEnigma] Thank you! [masonkbr] But really, you did a great job answering so many questions. Honestly one of the best AMAs ive read in awhile.

[MrJacksEnigma] Thank you.

I really tried. It’s been kinda rough.

[Mijeman] I like that you capitalized „fucker,“ specifically addressing him/her by their new name.

[MrJacksEnigma] Haha.

[DakiniBrave] I like you already [MrJacksEnigma] Yay! [lls666] Can recommend sous

vide poached eggs ... Can fill up the while damn pot with eggs in their shells. Once done they will simply slide out of the shell when you crack ’em. Of course they take ages (45min) but you cook them

I am a

don’t order the next one until the prior one is served. [↑ MrJacksEnigma] [valicat] Only because they can’t

make you make hollandaise.

[MrJacksEnigma] True that. [arkanis50] Eggs Benedict is my go to meal at places I’ve never been – if they can get that right, they’re okay by me. [towishimp] You must be disappointed a lot ... [arkanis50] I am :( [valicat] On behalf of every line cook that has ever worked brunch – go fuck yourself. :) [arkanis50] Hahaha!

[OperationJericho] Yes! One of my favorite places to go for any celebration was a sorts of brunch place, so sad it’s closed now. They had tobacco fried eggs Benedict on top of in house made English muffins and thick cuts of local peppered ham. There were thin fried onion rings on top that were infused with tobacco leaves and an awesome hollandaise. That with a Bloody Mary made my day. I was so disappointed when it closed, even though we only ever went for Mother’s Day brunch and various other birthday/ celebration brunches.

[ManofManyTalentz] That’s a lot of tobacco in there [NotUrMomsMom] Tobacco or Tabasco [OperationJericho] Tobacco. I’m not sure what specific tobacco

162

leaf they used, but it was good. [deleted] If they get it wrong you might not be able to make it back.

[VelvetElvis] You know that’s the butter scraped off the tables from the night before, right?

Never, ever, ever, ever order hollandaise at a restaurant for fucking breakfast or brunch.

See Anthony Bourdain’s essay on the topic for more info.

That’s all butter that was on somebody else’s table the night before. [arkanis50] Mmm recycled butter ... [halifaxdatageek] Haha, I’ve read a lot of Bourdain, and I don’t remember this one. Source?

[VelvetElvis] It was in Kitchen Confidential. I knew it was early.

[halifaxdatageek] Also, on a sec-

ond reading, I assume you meant he said it CONTAINED last night’s butter, and not that last night’s butter WAS the Hollandaise, haha. That makes more sense, and is something I could believe restaurants do. [↑ valicat] [sscutchen] Not at Waffle

House. There’s no place like home for the hollandaise. [craznazn247] Oh my god. I made hollandaise from scratch once. It took like 20 minutes just for that alone. Granted, it was delicious and fattening with a whole stick of butter in it, but still ... shit takes too long.

[DaRealGeorgeBush] Yall serve poached salmon? Cus i got a http://www.theguardian.com/books/ craving.

2000/aug/12/features.weekend1 [halifaxdatageek] To be fair, he

has since amended his statements, saying restaurants have picked up their game. „As he and his Ecco editor Dan Halpern discuss the 10th anniversary of Kitchen Confidential’s publication in these promotional videos, however, Bourdain is ready to acknowledge that the world has changed drastically. “‘Fish on a Monday’ – that thing’s gonna be on my fucking headstone,” he sighs. “It’s how many years later?! Eat the fish. Unless you’re at an Irish pub on Monday morning.”

[↑ MrJacksEnigma] [bdjorn] Aww, I always order

poached eggs. I didn’t know I was a dick customer until this moment.

[MrJacksEnigma] They’re just super annoying to make if it’s busy.

[MrSkoozi] I work at a breakfast place in Canada, and on Sundays I poach at least 200 eggs. I feel your pain. Especially when some stupid fuck asks for eggs poached between med and hard or some bullshit like that.

[MrJacksEnigma] Right? [s0m30n3e1s3] what, don’t you

have the pot of water already boiling? just that he went on a long rant [MrJacksEnigma] Nope. [s0m30n3e1s3] well that’s just a about it. It might have been on one of the early seasons of poorly organised kitchen, No Reservations. whoever designed it/set it up [↑ halifaxdatageek] [VelvetElvis] I don’t remember,

Waffle House grill operator

163

should be ashamed [MrJacksEnigma] True that. [imlulz] It’s just a very small and rather efficient line setup.

Many of them only have two burners, so when you are cooking eggs constantly, they are always in use.

[Sterling__Archer_] That’s my job [Catness_NeverClean] How do

[↑ MrJacksEnigma] [Growtreant] cut off the top of

[kitty_muffins] There’s a really easy method you can use to make poached eggs using a microwave. You essentially microwave the egg in a bowl with a little water in it. Egg comes out perfectly poached.

Google it, and you’ll find instructions from the website the Kitchn.

[Sporktrooper] I’m something of a poached egg connoisseur (not really but I really fuckin’ like poached eggs). Cooking poached eggs in a microwave is a damn tragedy, and yes I can tell the difference. Cracker Barrel tried that shit on me once and I had to speak to the manager.

you cook poached eggs? [emptyshark] Crack an egg into boiling water and pray it doesn’t fall apart.

[Catness_NeverClean] Well there are lots of ways to do it. I’m wonder how WH does it speci[↑ bdjorn] fically. [frizzlefrupple] You’re not a [MrJacksEnigma] It’s like boiling dick customer ... You can order an egg but without the shell. whatever they have on the [turkeypants] Where are you menu and ask for it any way you’d like. They can say „no“ if from and why do you keep they don’t want to do it, other- putting U’s in „favorite“? wise you’re a paying customer You do not belong at Waffle and their job is to make you House and should have been food. deported. [retrofuturist] I wouldn’t say [MrJacksEnigma] Im from Alayou’re a dick customer if you bama. I like the u. simply order something a [DaveLambert] Don’t worry about it. I’ve never been to the UK; restaurant offers. [christiandb] well you can rectify American all the way. But peothis by biting your own cheek, ple say I spell „grey“ wrong; repeatedly that the „e“ is a Brit thing. I [inbeforegif] Well just because don’t care; it’s the way I prefer one guy doesn’t like making to spell it. And it’s not wrong. them shouldn’t stop you.

[MrJacksEnigma] Yes!

a beer/pop can and boil water inside. The small area hugs the egg and it poaches with no work. Problem solved, except for health codes.

[MrJacksEnigma] Neat.

[OperationJericho] I’ll have to remember this for my next hunting trip, sounds like a great pre nap after a hunt meal when in the cabin in the woods.

[PREPAREyourANGUS] Because how hard is it to poach a goddamn egg properly?

[MrJacksEnigma] Pretty fucking difficult if it’s busy.

[PREPAREyourANGUS] oh

I am a

164

[zeurydice] My friend, who had never been to Waffle House, ordered poached eggs when I went with her and I was kind of shocked that you even serve them. Why would anyone order poached eggs at Waffle House? It just ain’t right.

[MrJacksEnigma] Classy poor people. [waldotherogue] I hated making old fashioned omelettes for the one old bastard who would ordee them every wednesday. [deleted] [deleted] [MrJacksEnigma] Right? [moe_fugger] I’d rather make an old fashioned as opposed to a regular omelette. It’s just quicker [Wisens] I used to wash dishes

and that little thing that the egg sits in while it is being poached is the worst thing to clean. You can let it soak all day and that shit won’t come off.

I’ll never order a poached egg just because of that.

[MrJacksEnigma] Right on, man. [leeroy2682] people are more picky about poached eggs then anything ... ANYTHING, including steak [MrJacksEnigma] This is true. [blackgalion] No steak is still the worse. I once had a customer return a steak because it tasted too much of the grills.

Since I grilled her steak on an almost clean grill, I was not sure how to react, so I grilled it a little more and put it back on her plate. She ate the dann thing saying it was excellent.

Waffle House grill operator

[intbah] Thank you for making

me feel guilty when ordering them in the future ... I love them ...

[MrJacksEnigma] Hate you.

[brandonp95] Does WH not leave a hot pot of water on at all times specifically for poached eggs?

[MrJacksEnigma] Nope. [johnathonk] I dont think i’ve

ever seen a pot at waffle house.

[MrJacksEnigma] There are.

At least 5.

[Gurnie] Protip for poached eggs: Get water to a LOW simmer. Add simple white vinegar to water (I never measure but it’s never more than 1/4c in a small pot of water). I assume you have close to room temp eggs sitting around WH. Take a spoon (slotted is best) and stir water. Crack the egg and GENTLY drop into water.

The swirl helps encapsulated the delicious (and hopefully runny) yolk. Generally 3 minutes for room temp egg, 4 for fridge temp egg. Slotted spoon lets vinegar water drain when removing your egg from the water. Source – I make a poached egg for breakfast every morning. I am the mother fucking egg poaching master [MrJacksEnigma] We don’t have vinegar.

[Thestonersteve] Not basted?

[MrJacksEnigma] Basted isn’t

that bad, honestly.

[drfattyphd] Lol. I am a breakfast

cook, too, and I hate my current job, but I stay because we

165

don’t have poached eggs on the menu.

[MrJacksEnigma] I love my job. [drfattyphd] Usually I do, too.

But on the weekends, an office job starts to sound really good. [horsenbuggy] I want to ask

about the difference in working in an open kitchen where customers can watch you cook their food. But you may not have ever worked in a regular kitchen. What do you think the main difference is? Do you feel pressured because we can all watch you?

shook our heads. I don’t remember how the rest went down, but we found out that we looked VERY similar to a couple who had just lost a newborn in the newspaper due to some weird accident. Anyway, we were totally creeped out and never went back to that spot.

Thanks for being awesome!

That’s fucking creepy.

After Master, is Rockstar (fucking awesome names, right) and that’s the highest you can Never worked in a go in terms of cooking. closed kitchen, but it’s You can get into manslightly more stressful agement, but that’s just because you HAVE to not my thing. do things the right way, or someone is gonna [anewview2c] I want my hashnotice. browns scattered. Thin and [iheartbaconsalt] Someone ask-

ed as a part of another question, but there wasn’t really a clear answer. What is the next step up on career path after Master Grill Op? I have a weird Waffle House story too. My wife and I used to hit lots of Waffle Houses while driving around Texas. We stopped at one spot in south Austin near the airport and ordered drinks, but the waitress just stood there for almost a minute looking sad. Then she suddenly says, “I’m sorry about your angel,” and we’re just kinda freaking out, maybe she’s on drugs. We just kinda I am a

crispy. I ask for scattered but they always do the same fucking thing no matter what.

How do I counter this?

Honestly? Keep sending them back until they are the way you want them.

166

Waffle House grill operator

167

I am a

168

Waffle House grill operator

169

I am a

170

Waffle House grill operator

171

I am a

172

Waffle House grill operator

173

I am a

174

[Shenaniganmaster] All the

Waffle Houses in my area are terrible ... What makes yours so good?

[Doc_Haus] How do you make your omelets so freaking fluffy???

Practice, and the omeHonestly, it’s because lette mixer helps a lot.

I work here. Not being cocky, I just give a shit [ihatepersons] My first night about the food I send in a kitchen (not waffle house), the guy training me threw a out. I absolutely hate for container of vinegar on the grill someone to not have a and ran away. Do you know my pain? good experience when No. But im guessing they come here. there was a lot of popping?

[MattyNiceGuy] Why are you not making delicious waffles in Michigan? We love waffles in Michigan ... but we must travel into Ohio to enjoy Waffle House. We do not love the Ohio. This is problem. Why you not waffle Michigan? We are nice.

I don’t have control over where stores are built. I am so sorry.

Write a letter to corporate. [i_lie_except_on_31st] Why the

fuck is there not a Waffle House in Rhode Island? Or Connecticut? Or Massachusetts?

Nothing above Pennsylvania!!

Moved in October. I miss WH.

[LKT_TID] I got to the states

today and drove past a waffle house ... I’m a vegetarian, should I go? If yes, what veggie options may have meat in ... ya know, by accident?

If you explain you’re a vegetarian, you should be able to get whatever you want with no meat in it.

[Washurhandsafterupee] What’s

your favorite waffle House themed jukebox song?

None of them. They all fucking suck, and if Corporate just doesn’t you play them, I hate expand, I dunno why. you.

I think they should be nationwide.

Waffle House grill operator

175

[fahzbehn] Are you allowed to

experiment at all and try new grill ideas?

Yeah. I do it all the time.

[fahzbehn] Have you figured out

if there’s such a thing as “too much bacon”?

There is not.

[HeckaFrosty] It’s my under-

standing that 80% of people who eat at WH are either drunk or hungover ... Which one would you say you get more of?

The drunks. Definitely the drunks.

[OldBeercan] Hey buddy. Your the bestorite. I love yuo for super thin stakes that are pepper salted to perfection and coooked a bit. dem shits ar delicus. udaman.

Exactly.

[zealousduck] So my local Waffle House often employs additional security during the night shifts (college town, things get rowdy) Is this something your location also does or is this a particularly rare thing?

It’s rare around here, but I’ve heard of it.

[adlittle] What’s the wackiest

late night shenanigans you’ve seen at la maison du waffle?

Also, thanks for your hard work keeping us late nighters fed!

This guy came in only wearing a robe once.

Was weird.

[I_See_Wrong_People] I have

heard that Waffle House line cooks use a highly precise method of placing various condiments and items on plates to communicate silently with other cooks about EXACTLY what goes onto that particular plate. Is this true and if so, can you explain it to us?

Yeah. It’s the marking system. It’s hard to explain, but based on what the condiment is, and where it is on the plate, it translates in our head as a certain thing.

[bovineone] Can you give some

specific examples and their meanings?

Like jelly packets indicate cooking eggs, and dependent on where it is decides what type of eggs. [robotsatan13] Here is a cheat

sheet for the marking system.

I’ve never heard of, or seen, anything like this before. [→ p. 177]

I am a

176

[ICameBack4uSaul] How did you

become a waffle house cook?

Did you got to school? Are you trained in culinary outside of waffle house?

queen. How can I talk my wife into changing her stance on Waffle House?

What the Fuck. That’s Was unemployed for 6 crazy. Just tell her it’s months. Went to Waffle super rare and doesn’t happen often at all.

House, applied. Got hired. We train in store. [dh5alpha] What is the crazi-

[CDC_] One time I was in a

Waffle House and I watched a woman do a line of cocaine right on her table, she sat there for a moment, and then vomited all over the place, all while laughing in between jets of vomit.

My wife was with me and still refuses to go to any Waffle House. But I love Waffle House and couldn’t care less about the stupid coke-head-vomitWaffle House grill operator

est thing you’ve seen and/or the drunkest person you’ve served?

Guy who wanted pork chops for the same price as Bacon. I threatened to put him through a window.

177

[annerevenant] The Waffle

House I used to go to all the time started out putting the chocolate chips and walnuts inside my waffle but then stopped suddenly and told me company policy says they couldn’t anymore, is this true? I really miss those waffles.

[hogwartsbirthcontrol] Crazy,

what was your coworker arrested for? And waffle house staff are awesome, never had bad customer service

Meth.

[IlIlIIII] Why don’t you have

Chocolate chips in wafcheddar cheese? fles can ruin the Waffle I have no idea. [t_ran_asuarus_rex] is it “come iron. Sorry man. The for the show, stay for the food” walnuts should be good or “come for the food, stay for the show”? i always witnesthough. sed fights whenever i ate there.

[bouncy_ball] I once played the monster mash a shit load of times in a row on the jukebox at a waffle house. Do you hate me?

Yes.

[hogwartsbirthcontrol] My brother

and I hit every waffle house from Nashville to San Diego on a road trip a few years back.

Had one waitress somewhere near Oklahoma city tell us not to look one guy in the eye because he was going to be arrested by the sheriff’s outside for murder once he finished his meal.

Has anyone ever told you they were a convict/been arrested at your store?

The second one. [ramblersrambling] I always get

a triple hashbrown with everything including chili AND gravy. I always get weird looks when I order it and it usually makes for a good laugh, but I think it tastes awesome.

Do you ever get some odd requests when it comes to making a person’s meal?

We’ve had some weird things, like peppers in a Waffle.

[bouncy_ball] I’m sorry. Also the two egg breakfast is a decent bit of food for like 2 bucks.

We’ve had people be arrested, yeah. I had a Yeah, it’s not that bad. coworker that got arrested once.

I am a

178

[LadyLilly44] My sister worked

ata WH in Maryland when we were growing up. She was working almost to the point of as late as she could (being 16) and got held up by a guy with a box cutter. Ever get held up with any sort of weapon?

(I partially just wanted to tell the story)

ing alcohol in here.

[almost_ubiquitous] What’s the

worst combo of hashbrowns that you’ve had to cook?

What’s the best? Also, what else can I put in my hashbrowns?

There is no best and worst, really. We Nahh. It’d be a bad day put whatever in hashfor that person though. browns. [lurch350z] Does traffic really

increase late at night? Also, thank you for being so willing to make my hash browns extra crispy on those drunken adventures.

It depends how many bars are around.

No problem, man!

[PMmeYourKindWords] I have on a rare occasion had my grill operator serve pancakes. Me and him have quite a history that includes putting out an 18 wheeler tire fire with a pan of water, locking a drunk college student in a bathroom to prevent a stabbing, and playing candy crush together. So two questions. How rarely do you, make pancakes and what’s the most ridiculous thing that has happened at your Waho?

I’ve made pancakes once. The craziest thing is probably when I almost got into a fight with a dude for bringWaffle House grill operator

[Gareth_hornwood] Why is Waffle House so fucking amazing to eat?

Probably because you’re high.

[InTupacWeTrust] Care to give

us some Waffle House recipes?

I might get in trouble. [savannah0719] How do you get

the hash browns so perfectly crispy? I’ve tried so many times and can’t perfect it.

Practice, lots of it.

[MonsterRayn] Okay. This has almost nothing to do with the grill. Just waffle house in general.

One time I went in there. In the early morning, of course.

All I wanted, desperately, was some kind of omelet, and the scattered/smothered/ covered hash browns. They informed me that I could not have an omelet, as “the omelet machine is broken”.

179

Now ... are Waffle Houses just forbidden from making omelets the traditional way, are they incapable, or was this just a one-off from a dumb location? Please, restore my faith in humanity.

was a one-off. Some Waffle House employees are idiots.

[turkeypants] I specifically have

a question about this. I like my eggs over easy. I’ve been eating and cooking them this way for decades. I ordered them this way at a huddle house, which I understand its not your thing, and this lady serves me some eggs that when I cut them open a river of raw uncooked egg white goo drained out and made a little lake on my plate. I sent them back and then proceeded to hear the cook have a loud conversation with the waitress about me about how people don’t understand how to order eggs in a restaurant. Have you ever in your life heard of this kind of egg, where someone would actually order an egg that has a pool of raw uncooked egg white in it? I mean I’ve heard of runny eggs but there’s no way that something someone could even eat with a fork much less would want to eat. Please tell me that’s not a real thing because I had to go tell that lady that I could hear her and could you please stop having a conversation about me and fix my eggs. I mean over easy or over light or various other ways to describe a cooked white and a runny yolk, I am a

none of these involve raw uncooked transparent egg white goo do they? Is there any such egg that anybody serves and does it have a name?

Here’s how it works/ makes the most sense to me: Over easy/light-white runny, yellow runny.

Over medium-white done, yellow runny.

Over well/hard-white done, yellow done.

[bovineone] Waffle House is ap-

parently known for their ability to continue operating the restaurant during emergencies without gas, electricity, or refrigeration by offering reduced menus and using special contingencies.

Have you worked during one of these types of emergencies?

Did you have any special advance training or practice drills to learn what to do in such situations?

We have an emergency training drill in the back.

[CaptainCimmeria] Can I get a hamburger with a fried egg on it, and an order of hashbrowns scattered, smothered and peppered?

You can. As soon as you show up here.

180

[destin325] the light hearted

and funness of the questions and answers make this one of the better AMAs I’ve visited.

Thanks for doing it. what is a secret way to have someting prepared that’s not listed? and a follow up, do you appreciate/allowed to accept tips? I remember trying to tip the WH chef because of his bomb eggs n cheese and he looked like I was talking in Japanese.

and syrup, and a water.

I shit so hard later that day ...

Why does this happen to me?

It happens to me too.

It’s provably the oil and shit. Food is kinda greasy here. [i_only_troll_idiots] This was the

wrong fucking thread to read when starving and stuck trying to be quiet so as not to wake my kid ... ULTIMATE SAD FACE That said, in your expert opinion, what is the perfect waffle?

I like thick with some walnuts and some berries cooked in, relatively tiny amounts of whip cream, syrup and powdered sugar on top. Bonus points for a recipe! Edit: waffles for breakfast today, OP is officially the devil lol

Well Thank you. I just answer Honestly. Just tell them what you want, and how you want it done. It’s not difficult to make special things. It’s weird getting tipped. I really appreciate it, but it I like plain waffles with doesn’t happen often. butter and syrup. [chocological] So in my family,

we have a saying that the dirtier the Waffle House is, the better the food is. What do you think?

I disagree. It’s just busier there. [ltdan-icecream] Everything I

eat from your establishment makes me shit my fucking pants later. Not literally ... but, my stomach always fucking kills me afterwards. Last time I ate at a waffle house I decided I’d take it easy and get a waffle, with some butter Waffle House grill operator

[Biomortis] From a Georgia town that has multiple Waffle Houses within sight of each other, there is one that just attracts all the crazy. Most notable was when I was there in the middle of a weekday night with a buddy after a long shift, (we were the only 2 customers) and this skinny old black lady in a dirty pink sweatsuit and a newspaper rolled up under her arm comes shuffling in. The guy at the griller glances at her, his eyes go wide, and he just walks over to the phone, calls the police dispatch and quietly tells them

181

there is a crazy lady causing trouble.

Meanwhile, the lady had shuffled over to the left to what used to be the smokers area and starts saying something about Jesus.

The grill guy yells, “Don’t you start, you know you can’t be in here” and she starts spouting something about the evil inside her and it has to come out. At this point, the waitress walked to the back out of harm’s way. The grill guy turned to us and said, “Hey guys, you should leave. Don’t worry about your bill. It’s about to get nasty.”

I am quite enjoying my patty melt and hashbrowns (scattered, smothered, covered, chunked and diced with a packet of mayonnaise) and large glass of cold milk so I am not exactly keen on leaving.

But, she started yelling louder about Jesus and evil and some other religious bullshit, and then more about how the evil has to come out. She then grabs her waistband, pushed her pants down to her knees and proceeds to squat while preaching, “I gotta get this evil out of me!”

Yeah, we got the fuck outside before she got the evil out.

The cops were pulling up as we exited and we hung out in the parking lot to watch the show. Fortunately, they got to her before she let loose the shitstorm and were apparently well acquainted with her and ultimately it was over rather quickly.

We went back in and finished our food and they comped our meal so they got a $20 tip.

I am a

Fun night. What’s the craziest thing you have seen on your shift?

That story is crazy as Fuck. We had a guy drunk fall and break his back outside.

[Aeroaxis] I worked at a waffle house as a cook for a year on third shift. We would always have stoners come in like at 2 or 3 pm and give me ideas of stuff to make (i.e. a bacon chicken waffle w/ it cooked in the waffle maker). What’s the craziest invention you have made one grill master to anouther?

I took an All-Star with hashbrowns double covered and chucked and put it in between two waffles. This dude ate the whole thing.

[AppleShampew] I really hope

you see this and get to answer it.

Ok, so I get the all star every time. Scrambled, bacon, grits, toast, with the all kinds of fruit jelly please. I like to get bert’s chili instead of the waffle. This is when it gets tricky. The waitress either says “yeah, no problem.” Or, I am told that I cannot sub the waffle for the chili, no exceptions. I always leave a bigger tip than normal if they allow this switch. In fact, my entire waffle house experience is

182

based on if I get the chili rather than the waffle. Also, the Hank or Dolly on the jukebox.

I know, crazy for the dude in his mid 20’s with the Sum 41 hoodie to throw some of that shit on ... but hey, it’s the south right?

Is there some kind of rule that says, “You can’t sub anything on the all star?”

If there is, then fuck that rule.

I want chili instead of the waffle, god dammit.

Greetings, from North Carolina.

Generally the rule is, if it’s the same price as a Waffle, you can sub it.

Sorry for the delay in answering!

[B0NERSTORM] So is there

some kind of requirement for people hired there to be interesting and cool as shit?

I only went once while in Texas after a hard night of drinking at like 2am. The waitress and the grill operator were two of the coolest, funniest people I’ve ever met.

A drunk couple came by later and the dude slapped the chick in the face right in the restaurant. The grill guy immediately jumped over the counter to separate them and the waitress lady swore if the dude took even a step towards her she would knock his goddamn head off. After the cops came they went back about their business of making our meal like it was no big thing. Biggest tip ever.

Waffle House grill operator

You get some people that work and are awesome as shit. People always lose their shit when I show them I can solve Rubik’s Cubes. [puppeto] Not sure if you’re fa-

miliar with Biloxi, MS, but what in the hell is Waffle House’s obsession with my home town?

We are sitting at about 15 WH’s within less than 10 miles of each other. Along the beachfront for example we literally have a WH across the street from a WH! What gives?! Is WH trying to own the entire coast?

It happens. They’re popular, for sure.

[kaikaikaisauce] A lot of these

“I work here AMA” ends up with the OP talking crap about the store/restaurant. I really enjoy this OP. Tbh being from Hawaii, I’ve never heard of this Waffle House. What is it and what’s this jukebox I’ve been reading about?

It’s a chain-diner restaurant, and the jukebox is a hate machine.

183

184

I am the guy with two penises.

185

Submitted by DoubleDickDude

186

FAQ: Both are 100% functional. What I was born with is called Diphallia. I did NOT absorb a twin. Itâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s not genetic or inherited.

I am bisexual and in a committed relationship with a man and a woman, but have permission to stray only with James Francoâ&#x20AC;&#x2030;... wherever he is. :)

187

I am the

188

[IrideTheDirt] Hi, thanks for

doing the AMA! How old were you when you first realized you were “different”?

[DoubleDickDude] No idea.

I always knew I had an extra one. My mom told me the other boys only had one, so I was special.

[quirkybitch] Is one more sensitive than the other?

Not really.

[forte2] Have you ever consid-

ered getting one removed?

In my mid teens. Yeah.

Now, hell no. [kckeller] Why not now?

[OrangeredValkyrie] Teenage

years: “I hate everything about myself. What makes me different makes me terrible and disliked.”

After teens: “I’m pretty okay with this stuff now.”

[beedee4] How do women

react when they find out?

Varies from girl to girl.

Some have been like WOW. Some have been like THATS FAKE! Some have freaked out like, called me names.

Most are pretty curious, but i don’t have casual sex anymore, i stopped a few years back.

Didn’t like the empty feeling inside after a one night stand. Did a lot of those in my late teens. A LOT of them. But for the most part, girls were nervous and some changed their mind at the last minute. dudes NEVER change their mind, they always want it even if they’re freaked out a little. lol

Pretty much got it there dude. It was the bastards I went to school with. They made life hell after they realized [twelveinchtyrone] Thanks for my two cocks weren’t doing this AMA by the way! going away. So then What type of reaction do you get from women you are I was the butt of jokes. with? Do you tend to warn And they hated me them before hand? because the slutty girls I’ve been in a serious liked me. lol relationship with a girl guy with two penises

189

and a guy for a while now. I call it monogamous because we are exclusive. She enjoys it.

The three girls before her enjoyed it. It’s sort of, made a few run screaming in the past.

Usually the ones I get to know well before we date are cool with it. I don’t talk about it otherwise, like if im not going to have sex with you, you wont know i’ve got two dicks. lol

now. Besides, i can’t figure a value for my dignity. the only reason I let photos out is because i thought people might like to know, at least one guy with two normal dicks exists. all the others are pretty scary looking and i feel for them. [zach2thefuture] Can you

cum out of both of them at the same time?

Yes.

[zach2thefuture] Is it like this

[quirkybitch] Have you ever considered a career in porn?

Serious question.

Yes I did, a few years ago. But decided against it. its one thing to be unique its another thing to be a novelty. i’d only be popular for so long and then i’d just be another blip in the hiccup of the porn business. the pay is shit from what i’ve seen and I don’t need money, I’m comfortable I am the

but for guys?

HAHAHAHA Not quite. [michaellicious] Tell me, what’s

it like having a boyfriend and a girlfriend at the same time?

Any awkwardness between the three of you?

Actually no awkardness.

They were a couple before they mutually started dating me. She 190

is straight, and he is bisexual and discovered he was when after four months of them both knowing me, they found out about my cocks. It clicked and we’ve been together since. [doctordiddy] So do they like

each get one?

[HoustonRocket] And if the girl

uses the wrong dick is it considered cheating?

Nah. lol

[10ac] Do you have a favorite?

Yes. the right one. The left one has a grudge against me for it too. lol [kinjobinjo] What is the worst

thing about having two penises? What is the best thing?

Do you pee/ejaculate out of both? How does it affect your sex life? Sorry if these are too personal but I’m just really curious how it changes your life on a day to day basis.

Worst? Briefs/under[shark758] Do you have a girlwear. I wear a small/ friend or are you waiting for medium in the waist the right 3 boobed woman to (28-30”waist) so briefs come along? that can hold it all toLOL yes, a girlfriend and boyfriend. no need gether are too big, and briefs that fit everyfor 3 boobies. lol where else, i fall out of [this_sucks1121] How do women both sides. Best? react when you whip it out having two cocks. dunduring sex?

You mean before sex? no how to answer the sex life part. I’d have to some freaked, others have had only one at didnt and some laughed so nervously it one point to know how having two effected made them go soft.

Not ideal situation. ;) it. Its great though, no complaints. no need to apologize. I didn’t have to do this so … its cool. guy with two penises

191

[FlipWhispers] I honestly expect-

ed to see one teensy extra wiener when I clicked on the link yesterday but was surprised to see they were similar in size. Are you happy they are that way or would a lil one have been easier to deal with?

I like them the way they are. They’re more proportionate to each other than they look in photos. im limited to holding the camera myself. If one had been smaller, it’d be more difficult to deal with. So yeah I like that they’re the way they are.

[10ac] Are there any possible

complications you have to watch for?

My prostate gets inflamed if I don’t ejaculate enough. I’m probably the only guy with a legit reason to orgasm at least once every day or two days. My prostate gets stimulation from both cocks and creates a lot of seminal fluid. So when i cum it has to be squeezed every few days to get I am the

all the excess out. Otherwise it feels bloated and painful.

[I_REMOVE_COCKS] God I love

this AMA.

[DaEpicLeprechaun] OP don’t go

near this guy …

[coolguyomega] he has 2 lives

though. EDIT: thanks for the gold!

[GourmetPez] He’s James Bond.

You only live twice [unbiasdpredsposition] I dont get it? [coolguyomega] youre still here? the show is over.

[Sewos] ahh who cares [↑ DaEpicLeprechaun] [yoyopo13] Never trust a lepre-

chaun.

[cheapjew] Unless he’s still in

high school.

[Mr_Derisant] I loved that movie!

[Solo242] Unless you happen

to just want one. [parisinla] or do, if he’s james franco!

[SquishyWizard] Or his box.

[DIRTYASS_PANTS_MEAT] Don’t TELL OP WHAT TO DO! [↑ I_REMOVE_COCKS] [metao] “redditor for 1 year”–

You’ve been waiting a long time for this AMA, haven’t you?

[CarlSagan6] NO!! DOUBLEDICKDUDE, IT’S A TRAP.

[my_apps_suck] I guess Double-

DuckDude knows where to go if he is sick of his left dick.

I hear he prefers the right one anyway.

[BrainOfSweden] Why would a dude owning two ducks have any interest in removing his dick ;)

192

[my_apps_suck] Thanks for

Its important to raise awarepointing this out, I laughed way ness.

[Grope_a_Dope] But why is it harder than I should have at called blue balls? What exactly your response! happens? I’ve never had this [↑ I_REMOVE_COCKS] happen, so I’m curious.

[Punkergirl14] Watch this guy if [Jipz] Blue balls is when you have been sexually aroused you want to keep your dicks, for a longer period of time withOP. [deleted] I’m gonna shit my out ejaculation (like an entire pants! night of snuggling without [SwagMasterPimpNigga] Go for it getting to orgasm), you start [doyouevenIift] then don’t destroy getting ridiculous pains in one of his cocks your testicles and pelvis. Like [Stinjy] Lookout OP RUN!!!! really bad, almost as if you [wojwilk] THIS NAME IS are permanently kicked in the SO FUCKING FITTING! I CANT nuts. You can get somewhat EVEN BEGIN! immediate relief simply by [Rairu21] Your name, maybe masturbating until orgasm. you can help this guy Your balls don’t really turn blue [KarlMarx513] What an AMA to though, don’t know why it’s start off the new year? called that. [alkku] You can do it to the [MamaDaddy] Maybe because OP. Twice. Once in a lifetime they are sad. :( opportunity. edit: blue balls ain’t nothing [Metal_For_The_Masses] I would but a good ball feelin’ bad.

[DeviousVerendus] They just feel imagine that if he wasn’t into sad and blue o: his having two dicks, you’d be the one he went to to fix it. [deleted] They don’t turn blue [deleted] Watchout, DDD but they get seriously swollen [flipsometits] Your username and kinda purplish. [suckeredpunch] There are othcould leave OP like the rest er options … of us.

[Always-Stoned] I can have sex [↑ DoubleDickDude] all night long with multiple [DiggerNicks13] That is very climaxes and no ejaculation. interesting. Is this problem be- My gf asked me if I ever get blue balls, and the answer is cause of having an extra penis or is it another condition no. However, when I do finally cum the next day it explodes altogether? [senorchaos718] Blue balls. all over the place and feels [fuck_your_everything] It’s funny, fucking amazing. but a lot of people don’t know this. Blue balls can be pain[↑ Grope_a_Dope] [zeporscheguy] Like getting ful to the point of leaving you kicked in the balls but not as unable to walk properly. [zeporscheguy] Very true. Blue bad. Generally the result balls is a serious condition that of lots of stimulation over a receives very little attention. lengthy period of time without I believe in preventative care. release. If you want to simuguy with two penises

193

late, squeeze your balls fairly hard. [boydeer] You get pain in your groin and your balls feel bruised. And it feels like weird pressure. I don’t think that sounds as bad as it is, but all you have to do is jerk off and you’re okay. [howsyeronions] “but all you have to do is jerk off and you’re okay.” A code in which I’ve lived my life. [bornintheusofeh] Pretty much ...

Yeah

[nmhaas] Blue balls creates

pain all over the pelvic region.

An inflamed prostate can be just one of the side effects if it goes on long enough.

[DiggerNicks13] I have one

moderately sized penis and this happens to me if I don’t ejaculate for a week. I get prostatitis, which is very irritating and painful.

[Beard_of_Valor] To clarify the other replies: It’s systemic.

Other people could have the [ONE_ANUS_FOR_ALL] Well same prostate issues with one you’ll be feeling really … blue. dick, so it’s not the only way you never want to have this happens, but since he has this happen, it’s a Real downer. double the stimuli his body [Grope_a_Dope] So … sadness ended up compensating this and painful balls? way.

[ONE_ANUS_FOR_ALL] And the [↑ DoubleDickDude] worst lower abdomen pain you will ever experience. It’s [CaptainTerror42] So when deeper than just the balls. you masturbate, do you do one If you want to try out your pain in each hand? [moclov4] shouldn’t this be the threshold, simply smash your nuts with a hefty rubber top question? mallet and enjoy. The dis[↑ DoubleDickDude] comfort will be great, but not greater than a traumatic case [kyabupaks] Ouch. Good thing you don’t have kids; it’d of blue balls. be impossible to jerk off with [↑ fuck_your_everything] them running in and out of the [Lego_Legz] We should start a room you’re in. I’m just saying that because as a guy with walk-a-thon or some shit …

[DeviousVerendus] Wank-a-thon. an extremely high sex drive, FTFY and as a father … with a 9 year [fuck_your_everything] End the old child, it’s impossible suffering, blow your friends to get off on my own in peace today. because I know she’ll run into my home office when I least [↑ senorchaos718] expect it. Even if it’s midnight. [zeporscheguy] I have this same Locking the door isn’t even an option – it’d only piss my issue with only 1 penis. wife off. :( [zefy_zef] No, but seriously is [JasonGD1982] You can’t just this what blue balls actually is? go for a quick jerk when you’re pooping or taking a shower? inflamed prostate?

I am the

194

[kyabupaks] I’m the kind of guy who likes to savor the pleasure, build it up before the finale, whether alone or with the wife (or another lady). Doing it on the toilet or in the shower just doesn’t do it for me.

EDIT: I’m sure that some of you are thinking “Another lady?

CHEATER!!”

Allow me to point out in advance that we have an open relationship; we used to swing together at parties. We’re at the point where we’re comfortable enough to have fun with other people on our own; she’s more into BDSM with her slaves and subs, while I’m more into experiencing different women on a FWB-only basis. Although she’s far more active than I am these days, I’m too busy driving everyone in the family around, working at my day job, focusing on preparing my business to launch, and being a father. No time for social life nor encounters with other ladies for the time being. I do miss it, though. ;) [Dinkle-berg] You don’t get jealous? Do you love each other? [kyabupaks] Of course, we love each other to death. We’ve been together for 22 years now, with two kids.

Jealous? In the very beginning when we got into the lifestyle there were bumps down the road, but we dealt with them.

Sometimes rationally, a few times irrationally. As we grew older and more comfortable with each other and understanding of each other’s different fantasies/tastes, the easier it got. So we pretty much got over that greeneyed monster hurdle. ;)

guy with two penises

[ThirdDegree] I’m very curious

about this, because you have exactly what I want in a wife. Have a few questions if you have the time. How often do you know the dudes she’s fucking? and How often does she know the women you are fucking? How was the topic approached/agreed upon?

Was it just obvious or was there convincing involved? [kyabupaks] Certainly, I’d love to answer your questions. I’ll start with answering the last one.

We both were sluts even at the beginning of our relationship, which was in high school.

We started out as best friends, then FWB. We never saw any problem with each other banging people other than one another. In college, we officially became a couple, so that frame of mind stuck with us. No convincing was involved on the behalf of either one of us.

The caveat is: we MUST use safe sex with others outside of our relationship. No ifs, buts, or whys. If any outsider has a problem with that, it all stops right there – that jerk is kickdropped out the door.

We pretty much put everything on the table, no secrets from each other. And trust is a priority in the relationship. If there is no trust and too much sneaking around, it won’t work out.

I’ve met a few of the dudes in person, and met most of the others on webcam when she’s talking to them online. We even give the guys a good show by fucking on cam every once in a while. They totally love it, and so do we! ;) As for me, she normally meets

195

the ladies I have fun with. However, I haven’t had any other woman for four years, because I’ve been way too busy with priorities in life. Yep, I miss it … at the same time, it takes too much work getting to know the other women before we hit the sheets; I don’t go for the “hello, let’s fuck right now” mentality. I want to be sure that the other woman is not a fucking psycho, that turns out to try to sabotage my relationship. Women are far more prone to pulling that shit, especially because of my ability to give great pleasure and my ahem, unusual endowment.

I’m satisfied with banging my wife for the time being. My time will come eventually. :) [rozie8100] Why does she still have time to go get off with other men, yet you haven’t had the opportunity to do so with other women in 4 years??

Seems a little one sided IMO.

Yes, having kids does complicate things, especially when they’re very young. Less time to go out and play, more commitment and attention to the child. Children ALWAYS come first, everything else second.

Being poor, it’s tough to find free babysitting for our daughter … so it’s easier if we go out and play on our own, so one parent can be available for the kids.

But for the past 4 years, I’ve been inactive in the lifestyle, due to the fact that other things I’m doing lately is taking a high priority over sex. See my other comments for more explanation on that. I don’t mind at all, though – sex is not the first thing on my mind anymore, since age does give many men (the responsible ones) far more self-control down the road. Even for ones such as myself, with an extreme sex drive. ;) [ionlyjoined4thecats] Thanks for the response! Very informative :)

[↑ kyabupaks] [ionlyjoined4thecats] Do your kids [↑ kyabupaks] know you guys have an open [MrchntMariner86] Did you just

relationship? I would imagine having kids would complicate such things, but maybe I’m wrong. [kyabupaks] Our son, who’s 16, pretty much figured it out and asked us straight out about it.

So yes, he knows and he’s cool with it.

Our daughter? Not yet. She’s only 9, and it’s not appropriate to discuss who we are with her yet. We might not even bring it up at all until she’s an adult - every child is different; she’s more emotionally sensitive than our son is.

I am the

imply that you may or may not cheat on your wife?

[Dinkle-berg] No. [Camshaft92] DinkleBERG! [↑ DoubleDickDude] [deleted] If this isn’t humble-

bragging I don’t know what is.

[DoubleDickDude] uh maybe. ;) [farts-alot] i bet it looks like you

are milking a cow when you jerk off

[ChemicalPaynt] So how’d you

get through childhood?

[DollarStoreClassy] You don’t

196

produce sperm until you hit puberty. So he survived his childhood rather simply. [deleted] As most of us boys did, masturbating 5-8 times a day depending [marblefoot] Gosh, those were the days, weren’t they? [deleted] Yeah, where acquiring a porno mag meant a guaranteed cramped hand, blistered dick, and your mom’s fresia scented face lotion running out – unexpectedly.

[RichardLillard1] But he has two, so 10-16 times a day? [deleted] switch hit I would imagine [RichardLillard1] I wonder if this is a Mickey Mantle situation, choosing which one based on location, tiredness, or position … He said he favors the right one, so maybe it’s a 60/40 or 70/30 split? [sourcreamjunkie] I can confirm,

OP survived childhood.

[↑ DollarStoreClassy] [Forever_Awkward] Childhood

doesn’t end at puberty. Nor at the end of it, for that matter.

[DollarStoreClassy] Childhood is defined as the state of being a child. A child is defined as a human that is prepubescent (or under the legal majority age, though no one uses it by that definition). So it most certainly does.

[Forever_Awkward] Childhood isn’t defined as any one thing.

There are all sorts of definitions. None of them are more correct than the next. As far as I’m concerned, a person stops being a child when their brain becomes that of guy with two penises

a mature adult. Puberty is long gone before that happens for many. So it most certainly does not.

[DollarStoreClassy] Lol what a silly way out of an argument.

By your logic any word can be defined as anything, and it would be just as correct as the globally accepted definition.

[Forever_Awkward] Yes, that is exactly how language works.

Only there is no global definition. That’s where people seem to get caught up on this the most. There is a formal definition which is what you will find in a dictionary, but this definition, while considered by many to be the “most correct”, is often in the minority of usage.

Everybody has their own internal dictionary, and as similar as they are, they still vary wildly from person to person. The technical, formal definition of any one word is not as important as how the word is actually used in a practical sense. Each word, when considered by an individual, is much more than that. It’s a collection of memories and associations that are unique to that individual. While we can often come together, point to the page in a dictionary, and agree what a word should mean, it’s still going to invoke an entirely different thought process depending on who hears it. And that’s the entire point of language. It’s an interface which we use to crudely communicate thoughts. If you’re foolish enough to be distracted by the words instead of trying to see the thoughts that the person using

197

the words is attempting to express, then you’re going to have far more misunderstandings than is necessary.

Yeah Ive gotten stares and even had a few guys at various times go HOLY SHIT.

[Nicticattack] Has having both

ever landed you in a situation where you wish that you only had one normal penis?

two words: High School

[spizzard] Do you alternate

penis’ when you’re masturbating?

LOL I have, and I can, but usually just jerk the right one. The left one [deleted] Gay guys dream! gets caught up in the Yeah, hah. Truth there. mayhem sometimes, but either way he gets off too. lol [CrapThunder] Do you shower at the Y or wait until you get home? How do you deal with the triple takes? I’m assuming you get stares and not just sneak-a-peaks.

I generally avoid public bathrooms and if I do use one i try to use the stall and not a wall urinal. There’ve been times where I’ve had to use the urinal and because i have one muscle that controls my piss, it lets the stream flow out both my dicks.

So unless i pinch off one of them it comes out both and that doesn’t feel good. So I have to take both out to pee.

I am the

[new_zealand] Has a female ever asked to put both inside her at once?

Yep. Many.

[Twigglesnix] Do you know if this

was a genetic mutation or a developmental abnormality?

Also, does having both penises stimulated at the same time feel better than a single one being stimulated?

It’s congenital and it’s from some crazy shit going on during development in the womb.

My mom had some difficulties leading up to me being born and they noticed something was up with the ultra198

sound but not clearly till i came out with two dicks.

Stimulation of both at the same time feels good, but better when they are being sucked or are inside someone.

Jerking them at the same time just feels like jerking … too hard.

I ususlly just jerk the right one.

[cantspellinator] Yes but how?

Do you hold them together to aim properly? [deleted] Just piss in two different urinals at the same time.

[Lord_of_hosts]

[10ac] Did you have any nicknames in Highschool?

Johnson & Johnson seems like a pretty good one.

A buddy nicked name me Double D.

[JoeMcCarthy] Are you now or

have you ever been a member of the Communist Party?

[charklar] Boy do I have a treat for you, have you heard about the girl with two vaginas?? http://www.reddit.com/r/IAmA/comments/11uf2z/iama_female_who_ was_born_with_a_complete_uterine/

Theres gotta be a great Yeah i had and ive seen some pics. kind of joke reply here, but i hot but i’d end up decant think of one. stroying her. i pound pretty damn hard. [sirrix] Serious question – when she’d go from two tiny you pee, do you pee from both? I imagine that would get vagina holes to one big tricky at times. gaper. :) Yup and its not tricky, i’ve pee’d from both all my life ;) guy with two penises

199

[NickKevs] If you don’t mind me

asking, what was your singular best sexual experience so

Two dudes in my ass at the same time, with each dick in a different girl who were riding me, pussy to pussy, while a guy and girl stood over me and let me eat/lick/ suck on them while they fucked. [passportVAMOS] That doesn’t sound possible ... I tried to imagine how that’d work out and I don’t think it can. [geshikhte] I need a diagram.

[Mr-LePresident] Yes a diagram would be nice. I’m a visual learner.

I am the

200

[0xc000000f] “3 chicks, 4 dudes, 5 dicks“. Nsfw i guess.

[0xc000000f] edit: it seems a minority of people may find this unclear, so I drew another diagram from other perspectives. the blond hair will hopefully let you work out which perspective is which.

guy with two penises

201

[PM_ME_YOUR_PLOT] Don’t wor-

ry, I’ve got your back. Guy with red circle is OP.

I am the

202

[iamfromouterspace]â&#x20AC;&#x201A; impossible but tried [Bullz-Eye]â&#x20AC;&#x201A; needs more white space

guy with two penises

203

[DrawdatDoubleD]â&#x20AC;&#x201A; you guys sure

that this all happened the same time? i can fit the two girls and guy/girl at the front, but where the hell are those two butt-guys going to be? if you put up 2 guys for the ass, theres no possible way the 2 girl could ride him ... i donâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t get it ...

I am the

204

[Gyrant] I’m currently attempt-

ing to model this using CAD software. [ jdpatric] Man, I’m a civil engineer and I don’t think our CAD guys could handle that ... the software does have a limit ...

[AShittyBlend] I did it in blender and I don’t have my models rigged up yet, but here’s a basic armature to hold you until I do.

guy with two penises

205

[rjshatz]â&#x20AC;&#x201A; Jesus Christ, my sides.

That shit doesnâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t help at all but your MS Paint labels are killing me.

I am the

206

guy with two penises

207

I am the

208

[thedeejus]â&#x20AC;&#x201A; this should clear everything right up

guy with two penises

209

[sterling_mallory]â&#x20AC;&#x201A; I put this in a

gallery where it belongs.

I am the

210

[forestfluff]â&#x20AC;&#x201A; I tried to make a diagram. Here we are.

guy with two penises

211

[Billazilla] Needs. More. Engineers.

[AShittyBlend] How’s this?

I am the

212

[mrducky78]â&#x20AC;&#x201A; NSFW version

of this?

guy with two penises

213

[deleted]â&#x20AC;&#x201A; Challenge Accepted.

Edit: NSFW

I am the

214

[digitalsmear] Hmm. Not bad. [jonasis] this is it. you deserve

so much more upvotes! [deleted] Spread the love. The kind of love only Double D can provide.

[TheSharpestTool] Very tasteful.

guy with two penises

215

[cant_help_myself] When you helicopter, is it really super impressive, or does having an extra rotor just get in the way?

[hansjens47] What lottery numbers should I buy?

That would require a document stating that lol if im totally soft, its impressive. getting you give me half of the winnings when you them to go different directions, thats some- win. ;) thing I’d love to be able [Foonsaki] How often do you to do, but cant. sword fight?

Rarely, no one wants to [MOLDY_QUEEF_BARF] What’s go up against someone been your most memorable experience that only men with with two swords when two penises could experithey only have one. ence?

Usually having straight [forte2] Do you hang to the left, guys want to playwith it. right or … ? yes. ;) [thiney49] Do they both hang to one side of your pants, or do they split the seam?

When i go commando, which is almost always except in winter, they take their own sides.

The seam can be a pain sometimes because the skin between them is a little delicate and sensitive.

[ZBeebs] So when you masturbate, how do you control the mouse?

I am the

[Mugford9] Can one be hard and the other not?

Always starts that way.

Left one starts to get semi first, then stops at a certain point. Right one then gets rock hard and if I’m horny enough the left one will continue to stiffen up and get bigger. Once or twice, with a cock ring on, they’ve both been equally rock hard.

216

[viper1aa] Have you named

them?

lol no comment [who-the-hell-cares] Are you

a Ghostbusters fan? Have you ever crossed the streams?

[erinb55] Hey, I’m really curious

what they both look like erect.

I’ll post a pic soon. ;)

[Vikner] can you upload some

photos of those when hard?

i will soon.

HAHAHAHAHAHA. [CarlaWasThePromQueen] Ever have a quadruple stream while You can never cross the pissing? streams, it would be When hard, yes. bad. [bogidyboy] Is there a medical

term for it? Do you know anybody else with this condition?

How common is it?

Diphallia and its something like 1 in 500 million men. so not very common, and even more uncommon to be otherwise healthy and normal like me. most guys have tons of other abnormalities, like an extra leg or two assholes and stuff.

[Incidentalomatous] Medical

professional here with some questions. Have you had urological studies done to see how your urethra drains into both penises and if you have any other duplication of internal organs (like your prostate)?

Did they offer any sort of explanation as to the embryological cause of it?

Had one issue in my teens. The Y intersection where my urethra splits into two had some tension issues and was ballooning until the pressure was enough to force the urine [twisteddtoaster] What’s it like up and out. So they did having both of them in the some minor surgery same hole? and used catheters to Snug? ;) Its nice. i like hearing the moan- stretch and open up the Y some. no problems ing from the person I’m squeezed inside of. since. one prostate, but it’s bigger than averguy with two penises

217

age and it produces more seminal fluid than most, so at least once a week or so it has to be squeezed when i orgasm to release all the fluid. as for the how? i don’t know all the details, they told my mom that it could have been a lot worse and that i was rarer than boys who were on record. my mom refused a lot of tests and studies. she didn’t want me feeling like a freak growing up and told me i was special since i had two and everyone else had one. [iia] Is it gay if I want to see this guy jerk off? Or does the second dick cancel out the first one?

[Diemac] I bet your dad won all

the arguments if any other parent compared their kids to you. “well Andrew, my kid has two dicks. So Andy Jr. can suck it twice.”

Edit: Thank you so much for the gold. Fuck. I doubt you can see it now, but I just realized I have it. (mobile Reddit diode)

LOLLOLOL I’ll have to ask him.

[WentoX] Have you ever had

any special reaction from a doctor with this?

Yeah, one grabbed like five others in the building. That was the last time my mom let anyone examine me for any reason besides personal check-ups. She said “my son is not a freak show” and slapped one of them. lol [clone_a_willy] Would you be ok

Nah its not gay, tons with sharing pictures of them in action? Even though I try and TONS of straight picturing the ordeal, I still can’t guys have asked to see really wrap my head around it. How do you fuck with them? me jerk off, or have I imagine if you share an alwanted to jerk me off or bum with your SOs you might break reddit. more. ;) just curiosity.

I’d have to ask them if no worries. they’d be willing to do it. I’m almost getting to the point where I would I am the

218

be willing to do it.

[Joolybean] You ever just surprise a partner with them? Just But the issue is, some for shock value of “oh, yeah, loser ass website would forgot to mention I have two weiners.” save them and then In my teens, yeah. It charge membership to see them. Then I’d have was priceless. to get my lawyer on them and my identity [deleted] I’m surprised I don’t see anyone asking how would be out. So … it’s big they are. How big are they? all very tricky. righty is around 7 give or take, lefty is around [Militantpoet] Have you ever 6 give or take. peed and had both do the forked stream? That’s a catastrophe with just one penis, I can’t imagine how annoying it must be with four streams.

[jongideon] Let’s see Yahoo mine this story for their news feed.

Yeah it’s happened and Fuck that, i’ll bail like a is twice as devastating. fat kid in gym class.

[OK4U2LOVE] have you ever

successfully picked up a chick by telling her you have two dicks? I just came up with this pick up line for you “Hey do you like it with two guys” Yes: Well than perfect, you can get your double penetration from me, cuz I got them two dicks.

No: walk away in shame, you perverted bastard.

in my teens, yeah. but half of them bailed when they realized i was serious.

guy with two penises

[omega4relay] Have you ever ejaculated out of both while still lodged in a girls vagina and ass? What was the response of your partner?

Many, many, many times. and the response was ’oh my god i felt that’ lol or ’oh fuck’ [Furin] Do you have difficulties with sex toys, if you use them?

Also, what about condoms … ?

I like sex toys, especially inflatable dildos and usually like having one in my ass while

219

i have sex. trouble is i usually end up rupturing the inflatable dildo because i inflate it too big when its inside. spent a fortune replacing them. condoms are a pain, they slip off easy because i cant tug them all the way down. maybe i should cut the thumb and index finger off a pair of dish gloves? ;)

out, I’ll never be left alone again. so this is kind of proving that to me, but at the same time, a lot of fun. [crisp_and_leafy] Do you wake

up with morning wood on both cocks?

Not gonna lie, as a gay man your equipment is really hot!

I have before yeah. lol thanks man. as a bi dude, i appreciate that compliment. ;)

[cnralex] You’ve said that hav[jtdc] Can you write your first

and last name in the snow simultaneously?

[fstall303] I amazed by you and not because you have two penises. You are so open and content with your situation.

You’re whole situation is unique and I appreciate your candidness. People with a lot less abnormalities are so temperamental. Cheers mate

ing two penises used to be a thing of shame, and now is a thing of pride. How did that happen, was there a certain event or experience that changed your mind set? High school would’ve been difficult, but shit man, two dicks definitely seems to have its up sides!

Yeah, but back then the upsides were only in backsides. ;) honestly, Heh, thanks! You gotta it was the jerks i was realize, i never grew around that made life up with it as a deformity hell. once i was done or abnormality. it was with school, i realized just, my two cocks. I it was something to just know that if my be proud of. then when face or anything identi- it got around where fying about me gets i lived, i had to rethink I am the

220

how i handled my cocks. because its one thing to be KNOWN the guy with two cocks and another thing to BE the guy with two cocks. and being bisexual meant my dicks were in constant demand. so it got to be kind of a curse for a while.

[CynicScenic] The internet

can just go crash and burn now. We have peaked.

Gee, i think that’s a compliment. so thanks. :) [Varvars] Ever gotten a blow-

Yep

job from two girls/man at the same time?

[dybre] So has there ever been

that awkward moment when one person finishes the job before the other?

Nah, they both cum at the same time, but if you’re working on the left one you have to suck it out. The right one launches every time. ;) [Nacho_Papi] Peeing after sex

must be like a damn sprinkler system going off.

guy with two penises

221

how he noticed. He asked me in the locker room if he could please see them. i asked him “are you gay or someThere’s plenty of fakes thing?” and he said “no, out there, no one would but i think i am now.” care either way. it was great.

[Prosopagnosiape] Hey, I know

you said you’re not interested in doing porn, but have you ever considered getting a dildo cast of your nether regions?

I bet people would be well into that. Profit sans porno.

[Mysticninja] This is the best AMA I’ve read in a long time.

I love your attitude, responses, candidness … Total win.

Thank you! :) I had no idea anyone would give a fuck. I mean for me it’d be like one of you going “I am a man with 10 toes. AMA” lol [deleted] Fuck me, I can’t even

get one average sized penis and OP gets two.

Sorry bra. :(

[HoustonJay] Whats the best

reaction from someone seeing your double dick?

Hunky muscle dude at a gym i was at. I was working out in my jock strap and shorts and the shorts were very baggy and loose and i fell out of my jock on either side and some I am the

[insomniac10] You mention that you can do both holes. How easily are the bendable?

Just as easy as any other guys cock, just gotta be careful about how far i try to spread them away from each other. the skin at the base can only stretch so far. [mayonnnnaise] I have literally

had dreams about having 2 dicks and am baffled by the fact that it is actually possible.

Are you ambidextrous?

You mean ambidickstrous? yeas. lol

[derebi] Dude, some people

sometimes wish to be turned into a girl to have fun with newly acquired breasts, now I wish to have 2 dicks

I had a guy say that to me once at a club, so I took them out and put his hand on them and 222

said “Now you do.” he [Fhwqhgads] Was the second Lord of the Rings movie named was like “DUDE, not after you? cool!” then looked down The Two Towers. and was like “FUCKLMAO! KKKKK you got TWO!” yeah gave him his first [Gurpurr] It makes me happy facial in his car. lol that you’re so comfortable

No.

[praetroson] Have you ever made an effort to find someone with two vaginas?

[deleted] Just to summarize

what we’ve learnt.

He’s bisexual. He’s attractive.

He’s lives in a threesome.

He likes fisting others and being fisted. He likes putting things down his urethra.

He casually mentions the time six people had sex with him simultaneously. He shoots 12 times when he cums. Straight men magically turn bicurious around him. And on top of that, he has two penises. Well played, God. Good to know you didn’t waste that extra penis on a prude.

with this. I can imagine highschool was tough, shit, it’s tough enough with only one penis to worry about. I think I speak for all the men of reddit when I say you are doing the lords work by making sure you have the most insanely awsome sex life with your cocks. So here’s to you, DoubleDickDude, thank you for your service and continue to be an inspiration to us all.

Edit: I do words good

Thanks man :) comments like yours make me feel like it was worth doing this for the past five hours. lol

LOL! oh that last part was the best. lol Thank you for that! :) [Mollionaire] So instead of

a morning wood, you get a morning forest?

Pretty much!!

guy with two penises

223

224

I am a retired bank robber.

retired bank robber

225

Submitted by helloiamCLAY

226

In 2005-06, I studied and perfected the art of bank robbery. I never got caught. I still went to prison, however, because about five months after my last robbery I turned myself in and served three years and some change.

227

I am a

228

with, but most of all, I became a father and [helloiamCLAY] I evenwanted to just do my tually stopped counting. time while my son was I originally fessed up a baby instead of the to one bank, but they cops accidentally figurdidn’t believe me, so ing out who I was and I gave them two more. taking me to jail when I did time for those my son was older. three. [mazegeek999] How many banks did you end up robbing?

[mikey_mouse21] What made

you get into bank robbery and what made you turn yourself in?

Bank robbery is the real American Dream. We make movies about it, and as long as innocent people aren’t hurt or killed, our society loves bank robbers. Also, it seemed like a worthy challenge. I thought it would be quite an accomplishment if I could solve the puzzle and figure out how to get away with it.

I always figured prison was in the cards for me – even before I was doing crime – so it made sense to turn myself in and get it over retired bank robber

[StudentII] Would you have

harmed someone if you found yourself in a position between that and getting caught?

That depends on the situation. If it was just some random guy trying to be a hero, I would have probably gone to any extreme necessary to get away because that’s a challenge. On the other hand, if it was a cop or a security guard of some sort, I would have probably let them win.

Probably. [cathersx3] What’s the most memorable thing that someone has said to you while you were bank robbing?

One teller skimped out on me and didn’t give 229

me all I had asked for, and I told her, ”You can do better than that.”

She just shrugged – palms up like a little kid – and said, ”That’s all I got.” Pretty ballsy on her part. [deleted] And it probably was

all she had.

also instead of always though. My mistake. [salkhokhar] Was it just for the money or something more than that?

It was for everything but the money. It was fun, exciting, and addictive.

It wasn’t. She was being a really brave idiot. [bigfootmwfs] Can you discuss She also pocketed your MO? a $100 bill for herself. Sure. Walked in the Needless to say, she got bank and waited in line fired. like a regular customer.

[Subliminal_Pizza] How would Whichever teller was you know she pockets money available to help me is for herself?

When my lawyer first the one I robbed. brought all my paper- I simply walked up to work to me, I noticed them when it was my turn to be helped, and that the amount was $100 off for that partic- I told them – usually via handwritten inular bank. I told him I was 100% sure that structions on an envelope – to give me their they had the amount $50s and $100s. wrong. So he told the [gartacus] Hm. Doesn’t sound police, the police told like a whole lot. How much the bank, the bank would one teller even carry? checked the video …

In their top drawer, … and they saw her take it was usually less than it. Insane, huh? $10k. I probably averEdit: My previous com- aged around $5k per ment should have said bank. But it was pretty I am a

230

Don’t look at me low risk that way, so that was cool with me. This is not a joke [DrKushnstein] Did you carry a

No.

weapon??

[deleted] Did you ever actually [devllen05] Was there a threat involved? Or you just said ”give me this money” and they did it?

feel guilty about anything you did? I just want to understand your reasoning – thanks!

I never felt guilty because I never attacked or assaulted anyone.

No threat. I just told Under the circumstancthem what I wanted, es, I was as nice as I and they complied.

This is how it works in could possibly be to the America because the bank employees beamount of money a cause I did feel a little bank gives up ($5-$7k sympathy for them. on average) per bank I certainly don’t regret robbery is infinitely the experience of going less than the amount of to prison and finding business they’d lose if myself. [deleted] Thanks for replying :) shit got wild in a bank Out of curiosity, did you full of customers. ever feel that the concept of stealing money was wrong?

They just want to give I’ve heard some people argue you what you want and that legal stealing is just protected stealing, so I wonder for you to get the hell if your reason is similar. out of their bank.

Thanks!

I don’t believe there is such a thing as legal [Highzenboarg] What did you write on the paper when stealing. You either demanding the money? I find it hard to believe the bank steal or you don’t. I’d be worker would just say OK when happy to respond to a you write down give me $1000. Did you make threats? specific scenario you’re Give me all of your $50s talking about, but as a general rule, I don’t and $100s retired bank robber

231

think it’s wrong if two people willingly enter a contract even if one side benefits more heavily than the other.

As for me, I think morality is very subjective. I wouldn’t steal from an individual person because I’m not comfortable with that.

The banks, however, consider this kind of theft an acceptable loss, so that was okay with me being part of the loss that they consider acceptable.

Part of my process did begin with how poorly I thought rich people handled their money. I’d always thought, ”If I was that rich, I could change the world instead of just piling up cash.” I don’t use that to make bank robbery ”okay” but that’s what made it okay for me at the time.

I am a

[Ergonio] How did you deal with the camera’s at the bank?

I ignored them. They’re shitty and unhelpful. [modern_knight] Have you ever

run into any of the tellers that you robbed? How did your wife react when you turned yourself in? Did you tell her you were going to beforehand?

No. And she really didn’t. I mentioned it briefly on the phone, but that was about all.

We were already separated by then. It wasn’t a fun time. [f6fhelldweller] What city’s did

you rob them in?

Mostly in and around Texas – Rockwall, Garland, and Allen, to name a few. [that_blind_panda] Do all bank

robbers do it for the challenge like you did? I’ve always wondered why after they get away with a successful heist they continue and always get caught.

I think most first-timers do it out of desperation for their own personal financial problems, but career bank 232

robbers – in my opinion – do it for the rush or the thrill rather than financial reasons.

Doing one successful heist just makes you feel that much more confident, and eventually people let their guards down and stop being careful like they were in their earliest crimes. For me, I treated every single one as the most important thing in my life, and I went to great lengths to make sure I didn’t let myself get into a position to be caught.

fan of just stepping up and admitting where I was at fault, and I take a lot of pride in accepting responsibility for the things I’ve done. [deleted] How much planing did

you do before robbing a bank?

I researched for about five or six months prior to my first one. I studied mostly the things that people did to get caught, and I just tried to plan around those things. It’s hard to know how people get away since those details rarely make it to the news, but studying how people get caught was [Ninja_Kabuto] What’s the life incredibly helpful in lesson you can give me?

Without knowing about knowing what to avoid. your life, I don’t know Once I did my first what lesson might bank, very little planbe applicable for you. ning was needed for I think generally, it’s subsequent banks. I important to embrace never really scoped out a particularly location the shit you’ve done wrong and be account- other than to make sure there was parking able for the things you can change in your that was out of view from the bank. own life. I’m a big retired bank robber

233

[nje29] Why did you turn your-

self in?

[Copied from another answer of the same question.] I always figured prison was in the cards for me – even before I was doing crime – so it made sense to turn myself in and get it over with, but most of all, I became a father and wanted to just do my time while my son was a baby instead of the cops accidentally figuring out who I was and taking me to jail when my son was older.

[ifiwazatreeyouwldknw] 1) Did you have a mentor of sorts that you learned from? 2) Did you have a community of bank robbers that you would talk to?

3) If you could go back in time would you have still done it?

4) What do you do now for income? Thanks! Interesting AMA!

1) Only the Internet.

I studied countless reports of other robberies that had gone wrong and people who were caught.

2) No. I never told anyone what I was doing.

One of the main things I learned from research was that an overwhelming number of people are caught because they [kazneus] be honest, you didn’t do it solo. So just wanted out of changing diapers I never let anyone (not Finally, someone figeven my wife or best ured it out! friend) know what I was doing.

[PetitP00] What’s the average 3) Yes. I still acknowlamount of money you made edge what I’ve done, from a bank?

Not that much, honest- but the process and exly. Probably around $5k perience of going to prison and finding myper bank. self (as well as a purpose in life) has really made it all worth it, I am a

234

relatively speaking. It’s hard to regret something that has turned into something so good.

4) I was working in the oil fields until recently. Now I stay at home with my boys, and I am trying to get a book published and turn that into some sort of career, if at all possible.

I’ve been on a few shows, and people seem genuinely interested in hearing more, so that’s what I’ve decided to do.

[Stevo1654] What did you

[valley_pete] Trying to get those

life karma points back, eh?

Not a bad idea. EDIT: Reddit; the only place you’ll get down-voted for asking a non-sarcastic question to an admitted bank robber.

Not exactly. I don’t really believe in karma, per se. I just didn’t need the money, and I was happy to give anonymously to people who needed it more than I did (and more than the banks did, of course). [valley_pete] Fair point. I’d say

that was really nice of you, but ehhhhhh lol. Does that really count as being generous if the money wasn’t yours to begin with? Just a thought, not bashing you at all.

You can look at it a number of ways, I I used the majority of it guess. But I don’t have for charitable stuff an opinion on any like helping people in of them. You can either need or donating to say that it was chicken worthy causes. I gave shit and not generquite a bit of money ous at all since I stole to a local charity that the money, or you helps out the families can say that I risked of first responders who my freedom to give to are killed in the line the needy. of duty.

I think both of those are pretty inaccurate, but do with the money that you robbed?

retired bank robber

235

you know how people [GentalGenitals] Could you walk us through the process? like to spin things. For How did you choose a cerwhat it’s worth, I paid tain branch? Was there a specific time of day that was all that money back best? Any certain outfit/diswhen I got out of prison, guise? What did you say to the teller? Where did you go after so it indirectly endyour escape? ed up being my money Basic Outline: Stand in that went to those line like a regular charities after all. customer – Wait for the [godzillabitch] So, just out of curiosity, if you didn’t need it, next available teller why did you start robbing – Hand them an envebanks?

Seemed like a fun idea. lope and tell them to give me their $50s and Not really, but sort of. It’s the real Amer- $100s (usually this ican Dream. We make was written on the envelope rather than movies about it. It’s exciting. As a culture, me verbally saying it).

Turning around and we just love it. And I wanted to experience walking out like a regular customer. it and see if I could conquer the challenge. No gun. No threats.

No Hollywood drama.

And, of course, I was No mask. No disguise. crazy.

Nothing.

[Puthy] Did you have another job that paid your bills at Just a regular customer. the time? It sounds like you did it because you were too lazy In and out in the same to work maybe. amount of time as if Yes, I was a turbine me- I was making a deposit. chanic. And I worked in I generally chose a time the oil fields after of day when I thought prison. Both of those the cops were on shift jobs were easier than change, which was usubank robbery. ally around 3pm. Some I am a

236

cities actually publish [MisStitch] So do you keep your personal money in a bank? If that for whatever weird so - which bank? reason. I usually went Lmao. Actually, yes. to Chili’s or somewhere And they know about to eat and chill out. my criminal history because I went to high [Potethode123] Did anything school with one of ever not go as planned?

Yes. The last one I did. the girls that works at my bank. I keep a minThe teller freaked out as soon as I turned imal amount of money in the bank for obvito leave the bank.

She started screaming ous reasons – usually less than a thousand ”lock the doors, lock the doors” but I ignor- bucks or so. I actually think my account is ed it and just kept pretty close to zero for walking like nothing now. Bank of Texas. :) was happening. I got out before the doors [blackTANG11] 1) How much did were locked, but a guy you typically ask for? walking into the bank 2) What was the closest call you ever had as far as either seconds later already getting caught or hurt? found them locked. He 3) Were you always solo?

Did you ever meet or talk to was pissed, of course, any other bank robbers like because it wasn’t yourself? Can you give us a basic outline of your strategy/ closing time, and he approach? Firearm? Real/ thought he had gotten loaded? Mask? Did you do any pre-robbery set up or did you there too late. He just go into it and do the job? obviously didn’t realize Feel free to selectively answer the guy who had just 1) I didn’t ask for an walked out of the bank amount. I just asked and past him had just for all $50s and $100s robbed the bank. only.

2) The last one I did, retired bank robber

237

the teller freaked out as soon as I turned to leave the bank. She started screaming ”lock the doors, lock the doors” but I ignored it and just kept walking like nothing was happening. I got out before the doors were locked, but a guy walking into the bank seconds later already found them locked. He was pissed, of course, because it wasn’t closing time, and he thought he had gotten there too late. He obviously didn’t realize the guy who had just walked out of the bank and past him had just robbed the bank.

3) Always solo. I only met other bank robbers once I went to prison.

[Notmyrealname] You say that

you’re retired. But I know a guy who is looking to put together a crew for a major job. This is the one you’ve been dreaming of all these years. Are you up for one last job?

I am a

Lol, that’s funny. But no. That’s the kind of thing that’ll get you on the news (if you’re lucky enough to get away in the first place).

So even though I’m sure that’s a joke, I’ll treat it as a real question and say a big hell no. :) [ungh01] On a scale from 1-10, how fun was it? Scary?

I don’t think I would describe it as fun. It’s kind of like sex. Everyone will use a different adjective to describe it, but none of them are quite accurate. It’s just … aahhhhh. Ya know?

It was scary the first time I ever went to do it, and I chickened out.

I sat in my truck in the parking lot beforehand but couldn’t calm down, so I went home and came back the next day. Except for that one day when I backed out, I never experienced fear.

238

[EvanJenk] Why did you turn yourself in? Did you ever hurt anybody?

I never hurt anyone, no.

I always figured prison was in the cards for me – even before I was doing crime – so it made sense to turn myself in and get it over with, but most of all, I became a father and wanted to just do my time while my son was a baby instead of the cops accidentally figuring out who I was and taking me to jail when my son was older. [gaylis] What made you want to do this AMA? Is it pride, warning?

I wrote a book, and a friend of mine suggested that I do an AMA on here because people apparently like this kind of shit. I wasn’t so sure, and I figured I had nothing to lose in coming on here to see what people would like to know.

Ultimately, my purpose retired bank robber

is to just tell the better part of my story about how I’m not the guy I used to be and that it’s never too late to get your shit together and put your head on straight. I was a real piece of shit once upon a time, but I’m not anymore. I’m very happy with who I’ve become, and I’ll do anything possible to reach those who are walking down the path that I walked down a decade ago.

So if it’s just Q&A to a thousand people and I still reach that one person, then that’s good with me.

[LSTNYER] Friend worked at a

bank. She said if they ever get robbed, to look at the robbers shoes. They change their clothes, but hardly ever change shoes. Is that something you did?

No, I never worried about stuff like that because I was always long gone before the police 239

got there anyway. And nobody ever saw what I drove because I would always park behind another building that you couldn’t see from the bank.

drew no attention from other tellers. [abuden] Have you hurt or

killed anybody during a robbery?

No and no. I’m sure I scared a few people just by the nature of what [caross] Why did you only want was going on, but I nev$50 and $100s?

I don’t know about to- er assaulted anyone. day, but back then all of the marked bills, dye [schindlerslisp] is this based on you? [→ p. 241] packs, and tracking stuff was in $20s, so I Lol, no. But I actually definitely didn’t want do have that same hat. those. And $1s, $5s, [Quiquex] How much have you and $10s were such a told your kids about you prevismall denomination ous career? that they wouldn’t add My kids are 8 and 3, up to much anyway. so they don’t know anIt wasn’t worth the ex- ything yet. tra time for them to get everything out of [betterusername] Thanks for doing this, a couple questions their drawer. Also, for you. Here’s the part I don’t if someone else noticed understand: all the banks that I go to have a camera at the teller clearing out the teller pointed right at the their drawer, it might customers face. Was something like this not in place at look weird and trigger the time? some sort of response.

Additionally, did the tellers never put dye packets in with Getting out a bunch the money? of $50s and $100s, Last question: what about your getaway was different? In however, seemed to be some of your answers you say the quickest way and you planned the getaway and I am a

240

not getting caught very thoroughly and you focus on the actual robbery itself in other answers, but not what happened once you walked out.

or something like that with other businesses around. I parked my If all you have is a pic- truck out of view from ture or video of some- the bank so nobody could see what I was one, that’s not really getting into. useful. As long as I didn’t make it to the news, I was good to [Pommy356] How was the prisgo. And nothing I did on experience? was newsworthy beShitty and awesome. It cause nobody got hurt was like dying, except and I didn’t make a without the funeral. scene. No dye packs or I was removed from anything like that. everyone else’s life just Getaway was crucial. I as much as they were only robbed banks that removed from mine. were in parking lots Mail because the only retired bank robber

241

way I connected with my family and friends.

Prison is lonely and depressing, but it’s also a great place to really work on yourself if that’s what you want to do. Most men and women waste that opportunity. Thankfully, I didn’t.

[BullitproofSoul] As a retired

Prison Chaplain, I’m really stoked about you sharing that prison was a time to reflect and work on yourself. This is was sort of my running speech back at the jail: you’ll never get a better chance than this to do self-development. So many squander that opportunity, but a few really sink their teeth into it and end up living significantly different lives after they left. And that, I feel is more what Prison ministry should be about, and less the actual religious part.

May I ask if your enlightenment during incarceration had to do more vocation, or spirituality, or perhaps, I don’t know, unresolved psychological issues?

[Spavid] Truly cool username for a retired Prison Chaplain.

[BullitproofSoul] Lol, thanks. its actually the name of music production stuff. It has less to do with spirituality and more of a reference too a Sade song of the same name that I really like.

I am a

[↑ BullitproofSoul] [WhyDontJewStay] I like to think

of a prison sentence as a spiritual retreat. In fact, the conditions are a lot better than you’d find in a lot of Three Year Retreats within Buddhism.

[BullitproofSoul] That sort of thing has occurred to me too.

On several occasions, some have said that the main difference between a monastery and a prison is the demeanor of the people.

Thing is, though, what makes a prison much suckier than any monastery I know of is the psychological oppression.

Inmates really are treated like second class human beings by (most) staff, and that does long term damage to the soul.

I really don’t recommend prison for anyone who can avoid it by any means, but it is time that can be redeemed.

[WhyDontJewStay] Definitely get what you’re saying. Although, if you are already trained in meditation, enough that you are prepared to treat prison as a spiritual retreat, then the psychological oppression would be about equal to the traditional Three Year Retreat.

They don’t mess around. A lot of people actually run in to a lot of psychological problems during and after extended retreats.

You’re basically digging around in your consciousness, resetting patterns which release a lot of bottled up energy.

A lot of people can’t handle it and go crazy. There is also a problem that comes up, an affliction known as Lung. From the accounts I’ve heard, it can be extremely painful, phys-

242

ically and emotionally. My teacher’s teacher experienced it during his second Three Year retreat under Kalu Rinpoche.

Imagine spending 12-24 hours a day in meditation for most of a three year time span. From 4am until 12am. And then being required to ”sleep” in a shack so small that you can’t lie down (although this isn’t an everyday thing, it can be required for certain practices for extended periods like 3-4 weeks straight).

Anyway, what I’m trying to point out is that the traditional TYR (three year retreat) can be a lot more oppressive than prison. Yes, you have the option of leaving, but it can destroy important relationships, and it’s a commitment that you are expected to endure fully. But in prison, if you decide to stop practicing and just live life normally, Zyou can do that. A serious practitioner doesn’t have that option if they choose to commit to the traditional TYR. They have to ride it out. In fact, that stress ends up causing a lot of spiritual breakthroughs. You can’t escape, so you have to figure out how to make the situation workable. Otherwise you will have a physical and emotional breakdown.

Either way, neither Prison nor TYR are particularly pleasant options. Hell, true spiritual development isn’t particularly pleasant. But both situations have their pros and cons.

Spiritually speaking, they both offer an incredible opportunity for development. So if you retired bank robber

are getting ready to go to prison, learn a few meditation techniques. Get instruction from a qualified teacher. Then throw yourself into it. And of you are getting ready for a Three Year Retreat, try to treat it as of you have no choice but to be there. Imagine it as a prison sentence. You are not going on a vacation, you are not going to have a bliss filled trip. You are going in order to wage war on negative emotions. You are going in order to tear down the world you’ve spent your entire life constructing. You are stepping into a spiritual fire. Not in order to be happy. Not in order to be blissed out all of the time. You are doing it so you can wake up.

[BullitproofSoul] Pretty interesting. I suspect i don’t have nearly enough discipline for such a task. [↑ BullitproofSoul] [sfacets] I’m not sure how I feel

about people pushing their beliefs onto vulnerable men.

[BullitproofSoul] There’s no pushing of beliefs (proselytizing) in the correctional system.

Your job is to set up religious services of different faiths, and whoever wants to attend one, attends. If they want counseling, they put in a slip.

A large portion of the inmate population has no dealings with the Chaplaincy program whatsoever. [sfacets] So why have chaplains (which are Christian priests) at all? Why not have a religiously-neutral person in charge of the program? Chaplains don’t only run religious programs,

243

they also run religious services in prisons.

[BullitproofSoul] “chaplains (which are Christian priests)” Not quite. A Chaplain can be a minister of any faith. So a Muslim Imam can be a Chaplain, as a Jewish Rabbi can.

If you’d ever see a Chaplain’s meeting, it looked a bit like a joke :) with a priest sitting in that chair, a rabbi sitting in that one, an imam sitting in another “So why have chaplains (which are Christian priests) at all?”

There are plenty of answers to this question. Just a few: 1) Federal law requires the presence of a Chaplain to ensure the religious rights of inmates are being upheld, and to provide religious resources.

2) Inmates would throw a fit, almost literally, if you got a rid of all Chaplains. We provide a very desirable service to many. Alot of Chaplains are the most liked people in their facility (though not in my case).

They’re one of the few people on staff there whose job it seems is to not make the inmates feel like poop.

3) From a sociological perspective, Chaplaincy is a bit like the recreational program. You want inmates running around, doing exercises. It makes them less likely to fight on the wing. Religious programming is similar – its a chance to blow off steam.

“Why not have a religiously -neutral person in charge of the program?”

1) A person steeped in some religious faiths tends to have a stronger working knowledge of other religious faiths. For I am a

example, I am not Messianic Jewish, but I understand the basic workings of Messianic Judaism, and am much better position to explain the in’s and out’s of it to an Administrator (what they used to call wardens).

I’ve seen it where a Chaplain’s position is vacant, and some social worker is put in charge of the program during the interim. Its a bit chaotic. So if the inmates request to have Seder 6:30pm and the administrator asks, why can’t they just do it 5:30pm? A social worker might just shrug his shoulders, whereas a good Chaplain, even if he isn’t Messianic, won’t miss a beat, and reply “because the sun isn’t going down till 6pm on the date of the Seder, and the observance can’t begin until a few minutes after sundown”.

A good Chaplain is expected to use the knowledge of his own faith as a kind of springboard into a being an expert on all the other faiths, and how their practice looks in a correctional environment.

2) I’m not sure if a “religiously -neutral person” is even a thing 3) This question is actually somewhat answered by your next one. If you have, say, 30 religious programs in your jail every week, and you had a paid religious professional on staff, wouldn’t you want him doing, say, 5 of those programs per week, instead of 0?

Well, a religious minister could do 5, but a “religiously neutral person” could do none. “Chaplains don’t only run religious programs, they also

244

run religious services in prisons.” This is true.

1) Chaplains wear a few different hats. By far, the one they wear the most is the administrative hat. There is also something of a “lawyer” hat (they never tell you this before you take the job) where you are job is to keep the jail compliant with religious policy and ensure inmate’s religious rights are being upheld, in order to reduce the chances of litigation. In other words, if an inmate was in lock-up for a week and didn’t receive a Seder plate, he might sue the institution. Its the Chaplain’s job to ensure that doesn’t happen.

The other hat you wear, as a Chaplain, is to be the spiritual leader of the faith community you represent. So, if you’re a Protestant Chaplain, you’re not only the administrator of all religious services, you’re also the Pastor of the Protestant Community. They expect you to teach that faith properly to those who consider themselves part of that community Policy actually forbids a Chaplain from ministering in a faith that is not his own. So, for example, if the Imam doesn’t show for Jumu’ah on Friday, a Protestant Chaplain can’t step up and say “well, I’ll give the Kukbar today,” because he is not a Muslim Chaplain. He can sit in the room and “proctor” the service, while the inmates do it to the best of their ability, but not minister in it.

Hope this answers your questions.

retired bank robber

[↑ sfacets] [hurfery] I don’t think chaplains

push their non-secular beliefs on anyone unless the person wants to hear it. It’s not a conversion process. [sfacets] The fact that they are an integral part of the prison system and are often the only source of guidance available to prisoners (and Bibles are often the only religious books available) means that there is pressure on inmates who have little other choice to seek betterment. [hurfery] Prisoners often have a need for guidance and counseling, and because of the lack of therapists many of them have no other option than to talk to a chaplain even if they aren’t religious. Now, here’s my point from my previous post: they don’t have to read any religious books or start believing in anything supernatural just because they talk to a chaplain. Chaplains may offer support without bringing religion into it.

[BullitproofSoul] Thank you for thinking critically about these issues.

I can’t correct anyone objectively, because I only worked in two prisons in my tenure.

But …

1) Actually, therapists outweigh chaplains significantly. In the facility I spent most of my time at, there were about 15 therapists. Not counting social workers. I was the only chaplain, and this was for about 650 inmates.

2) These days, prisons are at least, if not more, pluralistic than the rest of society.

There’s no “the Bible is the

245

only religious book to read.”

At one point in my tenure, I was overseeing 8 groups: a) Protestant b) Catholic c) Jewish (Rabbinic) d) Messianic Jewish e) Seventh Day Adventist f) Jehovah’s Witness g) Muslim h) Secular Humanist … as well as, during my last few years, I oversaw the AA and NA programming. I even had a handful of Wiccan inmates, not enough to organize a formal congregation, but enough that i had to keep tabs on their needs being met, insofar as you can in a prison. [hurfery] I’m curious about several things, if you don’t mind answering some questions.

What did it entail to oversee the various groups? Were you personally religious at the time? Did you lead rituals/prayers/etc for faiths other than your own? If so, did you feel you were being genuine?

What is the relation between spiritual fulfillment and mental health, as far as you have observed? Is it possible to separate these things?

[BullitproofSoul] Hi Hurfery, I may have answered some of your questions in an reply I just wrote to someone else. I hope you can see them. I’ll reply to everything else here: “What did it entail to oversee the various groups?”

First and foremost a very strong administrative streak, and a gift for project planning. You’re essentially recruiting, training, and managing a volunteer workforce to manage the load of the services that you can’t handle or can’t administer. At one point I oversaw 123 volunteers.

I am a

“Were you personally religious at the time?” I was. But …

1) Its interesting to note that as my prison ministry began to ramp up, my relationship with my denomination deteriorated and eventually severed.

I entered into a long stage, which isn’t over, where i was jaded with the Protestant church’s focus on issues that I didn’t think should be our main focus. Stuff like picketing the Davinci Code premier just gave me SHM sense of “what are we doing?” While I was eager to get back to core issues like helping people have a vibrant, daily relationship with God, and helping men rebuild their humanity and masculinity as they prepared for re-entry into society.

2) I’ve never claimed to be a spectacularly holy person.

I’d say I’m about as moral as anyone you or me might know; perhaps less. I made alot of bad choices in my personal life during the time I was a Chaplain. I suppose one could ask “if you’re not that holy, why go into ministry” to which I would reply, I really love teaching and empowering people who are eager to change (like the OP) and believe I had a gift for it.

3) I did, thoughout however, maintain a deep relationship with God during my time at that post. Both personally, when i’d start my day in my kitchen having my personal time with God, and corporately, leading services with the inmates. I’m not ashamed to say that many of my most profound worship experiences happened in the prison chapel

246

alongside of convicted felons.

“Did you lead rituals/prayers/ etc for faiths other than your own? If so, did you feel you were being genuine?” This is against policy.

“What is the relation between spiritual fulfillment and mental health, as far as you have observed? Is it possible to separate these things?”

This is a really deep question, I mean, someone-shouldwrite-a-book about this deep.

Someone, more knowledgeable than me, should write about how, specifically in prison, their is the tendency to divorce psychological maturity from spiritual maturity.

Since I don’t know the answer to your question, I’d instead share something that I observed often. I talked to alot of inmates who would feel that the psychological treatment program in the jail was directly at odds with the freedom and liberty offered in Chapel.

Almost without fail, I’d notice that less mature believers, especially of the Christian faith, had an inability to reconcile the therapeutic program with their religious faith. They’s say things like “man they want me to rehash the 24 hours before the crime again (which can be a soul-wrenching experience) but can’t they see that I’m forgiven in Christ.”

They seemed to want to skip right over to a kind of forgiveness and absolution while evading doing the hard work of the soul that can often come through a therapeutic program.

On the hand, I’d meet handfuls of more spirituality mature inmates, and their attitude retired bank robber

was always a bit different. They understood that, although they couldn’t buy the philosophy of the psychological program wholesale, they understood a) Engaging the program was the right thing to do b) There was something useful for them in it and c) The ideas of psychology are not necessarily at war with the ideas of welltaught Christianity; in fact, most (though not all) of the ideas are highly reconcilable. I’m not sure if these comments answer your questions at all. [↑ helloiamCLAY] [ginger_beer_m] ‚Work on your-

self’ by doing what? Getting fit and stuff? [helloiamCLAY] No. Figuring out what the fuck was wrong with my head that made it where i couldn’t function like normal people in society. [llathosv2] I wish time out worked as well on my kid … [helloiamCLAY] You and me both. [samtheredditman] Yeah, his kid’s a dick.

[TasteTheRaimbow] Fucking Katyln [itislaboeuf] fucking caitlyn [↑ helloiamCLAY] [just_some_tall_bloke] I know

exactly what you mean. Unfortunately for me, it took a second stretch inside for me to get straightened out. I never did anything like banks, I was only in for a few months for theft each time. I still don’t feel like I function the same (mentally, at least) as other people, but I put on a damned good act now. Just the fear of going back a third time was

247

enough to break the habits that got me put away.

[CrochetCrazy] If it makes you feel better, we are all fucked in the head and we also fake it.

Some people just get good at faking it sooner than others. [↑ helloiamCLAY] [deleted] It sucks that prison

had to get you there, that must of been some rush. If you pull it off once and have that clarity before you get caught or as you say ‚catch yourself’ that addiction creates recklessness. hindsight is always 20/20 … great ama man.

[FrigOffLahey97] I really, really, really hope I don’t somehow become addicted to robbing banks.

it and fit in with the normies, but it won’t be honest. [↑ helloiamCLAY] [garaging] I would love for you to

elaborate on this. I think lots of people don’t quite see what their role is in society, or life.

Hell, some don’t even know how to begin figuring that stuff out.

What specifically did you find out about yourself? Do you think it took robbing banks and going to prison to get that education, and that without it you may still be lost? [helloiamCLAY] Take a peek here https://vimeo.com/ 79596722. Feel free to email me with more questions.

[ClumpOfCheese] I feel like [thirdlegsblind] Can you give me prison would be a great way to

the short on what you discovered?

[Throwaway43416] You sound

like a normal functioning person to me [-H-E-L-I-X-] Do you believe all

people who make a living through illegal means have mental issues? that would mean there are quite a lot of mentally unstable people out there considering that by 2020 or thereabouts its estimated that the majority of working people in the world will be making their money from the black market.

[KungFuHamster] Empathy for

break my reddit addiction. [mojsterr] Yeah? You really feel that way?

[ClumpOfCheese] Well I’m not lying, but I wouldn’t want to.

[TheCostalWriter] You should write about your prison experience. Like make that where your book opens up. You have beautiful analogies for it. “like dying, except without the funeral” “like church camp without the girls or weird counselors” Love it. [recovering_spaz] Have you

watched Orange is the New Black? Did you insist on kissing your partner before and after each job?

people and cooperation are just methods our genes evolved to build a better “tool” [Ferl74] Sadly most people don’t realize they need to work to insure their survival.

If you don’t feel it, you can fake on themselves. I never really I am a

248

understood the world until I knew me.

[AmITheHappyLoss] Sounds like grad school [Pommy356] Thanks for the answer, and good luck with that book contract!

[Enchanted_Bunny] So I take it

this wasn’t a very high security prison. Was that due to the fact that your robberies weren’t violent?

[GMY0da] How did you do that, working on yourself? Did you just sit there and think about something? Like what?

[HannasAnarion] One thing that

really makes me upset about America is how badly we treat our prisoners. You are one of a very, very small number of people who have come out unscathed, and an even smaller number who have come out better than before.

What can we as a society do to make more success stories like yours? [helloiamCLAY] I wouldn’t say unscathed, but it definitely was a time that I used for myself. Prison is terrible in our country, and it’s ridiculous how the system works (or fails, rather).

The prison system didn’t do shit for me. I did it for myself, and that’s what I think is important for people to know.

You have the power to control your own choices and thoughts. It’s up to you how you live your life.

[HannasAnarion] I understand how difficult it was, and how awful the prison system retired bank robber

is. I’m asking, from your unique perspective as someone who has not only survived but improved, what should the prison system be like? How can we change it so that it works for you instead of fucks you over? [helloiamCLAY] Gotcha. Well, I think it’s crucial to expose inmates to programs that help them instead of simply warehousing them. People in our culture have this boner for punishment, but it doesn’t really do any good if the people just get out of prison and get straight back to being criminal fuckheads.

So as a society, we should be more interested in the bad ones than the good ones when it comes to this kind of stuff because those are the ones who are fucking it up for everybody.

Not that I’m a preacher or anything, but even the bible talks about going after the one stupid sheep instead of staying with the entire flock. [↑ helloiamCLAY] [mitchrodee] What did you

expect/want from the prison system? As a whole, rehabilitating prisoners hasn’t really seemed to work out. Even if all prisoners were to be rehabilitated, most victims and most of society still expect the convicted be punished. Prison has pretty much always been seen as a form of punishment.

[Lectovai] What was life early on

for you like? I used to get tutored by this Colombian guy in middle school who tried to get start dealing coke when

249

he was in high school. He was desensitized from all that shit be had to deal with as a kid. Riots, car bombs, drug wars, and etc. He wanted in on robbing small businesses and drug dealing just for the money. It was never about the thrill of danger. [↑ helloiamCLAY] [SilkyButters] What were some

of the fundamentals to rebuilding yourself?

bly intense at the same time.

It’s like having sex while taking the SATs. You have to focus on both 100% even though that’s not totally possible, and that’s why it’s so rewarding when it works.

[shandromand] “In here, Mister

Garibaldi, you cannot hide from yourself. Everything out there has only one purpose. To distract ourselves from what is truly important.”

[UniversallyWeird] I would argue that from my experience the sentencing was VERY MUCH LIKE A FUNERAL! [helloiamCLAY] Good point.

[ginger_beer_m] ’Work on yourself’ by doing what? Getting fit and stuff?

No. Figuring out what the fuck was wrong with my head that made it where i couldn’t function like normal people in society.

[Shfydgi] When you were robbing a bank was it intense or were you calm the entire time?

I was calm and controlled, but it was incrediI am a

[mt_winston] What’s your favourite pastime?

Eating at Chipotle.

[EatItYoshi69] This has to be

one of my favorite AMA’s in a long time. 1) you never wore a mask or disguise so how did they not catch you on camera?

Did you know the placement of the cameras and how to avoid them? 2) did you ever get one of those ink cartridges that blew up on you and the money?? 3) what made you want to do the technique you used and not try to break into the bank and make a small fortune at one time and not have to do it again? 4) you said you met other bank robbers in prison, did any offer to do a job with you? Did any share advice or how they did it?

How I see it the big dirty would be tougher to execute but anyone that is convinced they can pull it off and is patient enough to study, watch, and learn the bank routine would be able to pull it off. But when

250

together on the outside and do more banks.

I did just fine by myself when I was still doing it, but I had also decided to quit for a reason.

Basic Outline: Most guys in prison all Stand in line like a reg- did it the same way. ular customer.

They walked in with a Wait for the next avail- gun and tried to be able teller.

Bonnie & Clyde. Which Hand them an envelope is how they ended up and tell them to give in prison. me their 50s and 100s (usually this was written on the envelope [radome9] What is your advice to a young man or woman rather than me verbally looking to get his our her bank saying it). robbing career going?

Turning around and To not do it. The mawalking out like a regu- jority of bank robberies lar customer are solved because No gun. No threats. No people don’t know how Hollywood drama. to not get caught. It’s No mask. No disguise. very hard to get away Nothing. with, and I don’t recJust a regular customer. ommend it to anyone.

In and out in the same It’s exciting at first, amount of time as if and it’s even addicting.

I was making a deposit. But like any addicNo dye packs. Nothing tion, you always want like that. more until you realI never entertained any ize that more is never ideas from guys in pris- enough and you’re on who wanted to get left feeling quit empty you do multiple robberies for smaller amounts of money the risk of getting caught goes up with every bank and robbery.

Sorry for all the questions, stuff like this has always fascinated me.

retired bank robber

251

was pretty shit-yourpants scary, but they didn’t fuck me up or anything. Once I was cuffed and cleared and all that crap, they all talked to me like I was [TittlesMcJizzum] So how much a rock star or somedid you get away with in total thing. It was really with all the banks you robbed?

How many banks did you rob? strange. They asked why And how much did you have to and all that stuff, but pay the police or courts after it wasn’t like the cop your sentence? $300 in court fees, and style of why. It was payment in full for the more like a fascinated amount I stole. curiosity. inside. A serious answer to a (probably) funny question, but that’s what comes to mind for me when I read it.

[flare2000x] How was it the

first time? It imagine it would be pretty scary. How did the police react when you turned yourself in?

It was scary the first time I tried, but I left and didn’t do it. I returned the next day and wasn’t scared. It’s not really something you can do if you’re afraid. Fear gets in the way of clear thinking.

The police were very professional. They sent the SWAT team to the hotel where I told them to come get me, so that I am a

[Superj569] What was your wife’s reaction when she found out? Thanks for doing this AMA, I wish you and your family the best.

My wife’s reaction was a weird mixture of shock and ”Yeah, I kinda thought something was going on.

[YomToTheGui] What was your most successful heist?

$26k was the best haul, but they were usually more like $5k-$7k.

252

pretty laid back most of the time. You learn the No. We divorced while way of life pretty quick in there if you’re smart.

I was in prison for personal reasons not related to my crimes.

[BUTTFUCKMYFACE] How did [dddarian] Are you and your wife

still together even after she found out about the robberies?

your family react to this?

[phildavies] Did you carry a

weapon? And what was prison like?

No. I strapped a hammer to my leg under my pants just below my knee in case I needed to break out of a locked door or something, but I never used a gun or anything like that.

Prison was like church camp without the girls or weird counselors.

I played a lot of chess and read a lot of books.

I also wrote a lot, of course. Mail is the highlight of anyone’s day in prison.

There are some pretty bad dudes there, but nobody really wants any trouble unless you just really fuck them over.

There’s always trouble if you want it, but it’s retired bank robber

They kind of didn’t react at all. Some of my family were sad that I was locked up, and others just pretended it wasn’t happening at all.

When I got out, a lot of them referred to my time in prison as if it was something that had happened to me rather than something I had caused.

[LopeyO] Why did the tellers give you the money if you had nothing to threaten them with?

Standard procedure at most banks.

[Magictadpole] How did you get away then? They would press some sort of alarm wouldn’t they?

Yes, and they always did. Button calls the alarm company. Alarm company calls 9-1-1.

253

9-1-1 dispatches an officer. An officer speeds to the bank. I’m out the door before all that happens. [tojoso] If you don’t make any threats, you simply ask for money and they give it to you … How serious of a crime is that? How are the laws written that make this kind of thing a crime in the first place?

I mean, objectively, what is different between asking a teller to give you $5000, and the boy scout standing at the exit asking you to give them $10?

My attorney would love you. [skunkwrxs] What do you want

to say to dissuade everyone in this thread from going and robbing a bank this afternoon now that we know how easy it is? (or maybe you don’t)

I would tell them to think about how they’d do it. Then I’d tell them to think of three ways that it might not work and how they would address each of those three things in extreme detail. Then I’d ask them how they planned to get away.

Then I’d also ask them I am a

what they’d do if they were an employee or customer inside the bank when it was being robbed and whether or not their getaway plan would work against their potential strategy as an employee or customer. I’d poke holes in every answer they gave me, and I’d show them how fucking stupid they are for doing something they obviously know nothing about.

Or if they had all the right answers, I’d tell them to go ahead and do it. I’d also tell them that the most important rule is never telling anyone, and then I’d call the police to let them know that so-and-so is considering robbing a bank because I would want to clear myself as an accessory before the damn thing every happened.

254

[o0i81u8120o] How do you feel

about doing this as a medium now to educate people and answer questions? More or less how do you like the questions and how does it make you feel to answer them? Are you reminiscent?

I don’t like or dislike the questions as much as I enjoy the ability to put myself out there and perhaps cause a spark in someone else’s imagination to do something productive with their own shitty circumstances. [ungh01] On a scale from 1-10, how fun was it? Scary?

I don’t think I would describe it as fun. It’s kind of like sex. Everyone will use a different adjective to describe it, but none of them are quite accurate. It’s just … aahhhhh. Ya know? It was scary the first time I ever went to do it, and I chickened out. I sat in my truck in the parking lot beforehand but could not calm down, so I retired bank robber

went home and came back the next day.

Except for that one day when I backed out, I never experienced fear. [traceyh415] how did you make sure you didn’t get the $ with the ink packs? i had a friend who used to rob banks (for heroin $) and that was how he got caught the last time.

Most of those are in the $20 bills, so I asked for $50s and $100s. Besides, most tellers forget that shit in the heat of the moment.

[CanYouLemon] Not sure if it’s

been asked but why did you turn yourself in? Also is prison food as bad as they say it is?

It has, but I don’t mind.

I became a father, and that changed the game.

Prison food is worse than they say. I lost 35 lbs in my first six weeks from simply not eating because it was so bad.

255

256

I am a phone sex operator

257

Submitted by swankytacos

258

Let’s talk about (phone) sex baby! I am your normal office worker/ wife/mom by day and a sultry phone actress by night. There seems to be some interest in this from the friends I’ve talked to so I thought you guys might be interested as well!

To give a little info about myself ... I am 25 years old. I do have a standard day job.

I have a husband of 3 years and a 1 year 259

old daughter. I am in a polyamorous relationship and my girlfriend is actually the one who got me into phone entertainment. I work from home for a company that dispatches the calls to me. Iâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;m an open book, so AMA! Edit: I guess I could also call this AMA Iâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;m a phone sex operator who got fired for doing an AMA. Thank you everyone for your great questions. Also thank I am a

260

you to those who suggested Niteflirt. Iâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;m getting one set up as we speak. I really did enjoy working for the company I was working for but I do think Iâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;m probably worth more than .30/min. This was a fun experience and definitely eye opening!

phone sex operator

261

[Frajer] who is your favorite customer and least favorite customer?

[swankytacos]

My favorite customer is a guy in his early 40’s who calls me pretty regularly. We usually talk for a while before we get down to sex and then when we do he is always really sweet about it.

He has a great sense of humor and I think we’d actually make great friends IRL. Least favorite customer isn’t really a particular guy, more a type of guy, and I know them as soon as I get on the phone. He wants me to do crazy stuff and stick random objects in my orifices and then as soon as he gets close to finishing he just hangs up. These guys get the fake stuff. I’m not gonna get invested in someone who’s going to hang up on me after 4 minutes.

I am a

[MeloneFxcker] So you do get more involved than just talking with your average customer?

If so why doesn’t just talking get the job done? can they tell?

I think they can tell the difference. Don’t get me wrong, I still have to fake my orgasms usually even for my best clients because masturbating for an audience isn’t the same as when you do it for yourself. But the general sounds of pleasure, using toys on myself etc. are usually real for my regulars.

[Tenebraum] I’m really curious about this line of work, so please forgive the bundle of questions I’m about to ask you!

1) How do you get into an interesting job such as this?

2) How much is your weekly salary with this job compared to your other one?

3) What are the requirements to be a Sex Operator?

4) On a scale of boring to FREAKING AWESOME! how do you feel about this job?

5) Have you had any REALLY crazy moment during any of your phone sex sessions?

Haha, no I don’t mind the bundle of questions!

262

1) I did some searching online for pso companies. I applied to 2 that I felt seemed legit.

I got a call a few weeks later and had a phone interview and they got me set up to start working the next night.

2) I get paid .30/min for time that I am actually on the phone. On a typical night I make $20-$60, I could make more if I wanted to stay logged on longer but I have my day job too. It pays a bit better than my day job but the money isn’t guaranteed (some nights are just slow) so I won’t be quitting my day job.

3) For my company at least … You have to be 18, have to have a land line phone, you have to have internet connection and AIM installed, you have to have a clear phone voice, and you have to be willing to take the taboo calls. phone sex operator

We’re not allowed to hang up because someone is freakier than we like.

4) It depends on the night. Most of the time I love it!

5) I’ve had people want to talk about crazy stuff, but nothing crazy has ever really happened. [someonethatiusedtobe] I wonder what the phone interview for a phone sex operation company is like?

Haha not nearly as interesting as you’d think.

It wasn’t the backroom casting couch of phone sex. The lady pretty much just went through the contract with me, how they operate etc.

She didn’t ask me for any kind of demo, but she did ask me if I was comfortable with elements of bdsm, playing other ages, if I could do any accents, things like that.

263

will tackle the “other peoples families are different” conversation, I guess we would say just that. Some families have 2 mommies, some have 2 daddies, some have 2 mommies and a daddy etc. I know that seems simplistic and it’s something we will have to deal with but I’m hoping society continues to become more open-minded about these things and We are in a triad so yes, it doesn’t turn out my girlfriend and hus- to be too much of an band are in a relation- issue. ship as well. Right [deleted] For what it’s worth one of our closest friends is in a now my daughter is so stable quad, and the kids think young that our girlit’s perfectly normal, their kids and ours. They have dadfriend is just like any dy and papa and mommy and other of our close mama, and that’s that. The only thing kids worry about is friends. If things beconflict between the adults. came more serious As long as you are all cool with each other, they’ll be cool with in the future, if we were it too. The poly drama, that to move in together, can mess things up. But then again, so can any relationship then she would be andrama. It’s just that poly draother mother figure ma tends to have a multiplier.

[Gamion] Fuck man, what if in my daughter’s life you had 6 people? Mom and although I doubt she’d dad? 8? WHAT IF YOU RUN OUT OF NAMES TO DIFFERcall her mommy. To ENTIATE? hyperventilating the question of how we begins [macfearsome] How are you

approaching raising your daughter while being in a poly relationship? I guess what I’m asking is if she’ll have two mommies and a daddy, or one mom and dad and a close aunt or something.

I guess what I’m asking is better said as, are you in a three person relationship where you are all together, or is your girlfriend not also his?

Though, I guess I’m also asking how you will tackle that when your daughter asks why her friends don’t have the same situation. I hope that’s not too personal or unwarranted. I don’t think you put your daughter in a bad place or anything, it’s just unconventional and I’m curious

I am a

264

[AppleSlacks] Like the reverse

of the Duggar family. Some lonely introvert kid … and his 20 parents.

[TrebleTone9] Now THAT would make great TV. [Clutter] I would watch that show. [whiskeyonsunday] A family can be 10 dads … That’s it, just 10 dads with no kids.

[pianojuggler4] UUID https:// en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Universally_unique_identifier [semperverus] So he should

mount each of his parents properly?

[spif_spacean] should-shoulda -shoulda-shouldtheguywith6momsinthe3thousanddollarsuit [deleted] You could do what we [↑ Gamion] do and just go with first names. [terradicktyl] Could use „Mama [Willhud98] Just keep switching [first name]“. languages [epigrammedic] or just use Popopopper123 numbers. 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6. Hey 6, Mom can you pick me up after Dad school!

Mommy [hansoloupinthismug] Worked for Daddy the Cylons!

Mama [jusmar] OP confirmed for Papa Cylon sleeper gathering intel Mum on humanity.

Pop ezpz [↑ epigrammedic] [-oWs-LordEnigma]

I don’t like that tone young man.

Go to your room.

[ItsMinnieYall] I do this with my dads wives. I think he’s up to 5.

I also count a couple girlfriends he’s lived with though.

Number 8 is a biiiitttcchhhh.

[↑ deleted] [zip_000] Is it an all points

attached quad? I guess I mean is everyone in the relationship bi? Or is it two swinging couples or something else? [redwolfpack] I’m curious as well!

Just seems interesting! :) [deleted] To be honest we don’t [↑ Gamion] discuss their sex lives. They [ghostfrog] Cass? are all physically affectionate [terradicktyl] Yes. with each other, and I have never asked who goes to bed [kfyoung] Thinking about the with whom. [monopanda] I’m in a „Quad“. sister wives shows. If I recall My wife and I date another correctly, they all call their actual mom „mom“ and the couple. My wife and girlfriend other women by their first have fooled around during names. threesomes but do not con[matmat07] Poppa and momma sider themselves to be dating.

[12084182] Mom 3 and Dad 5, Me and the other guy do come over here, you’ve got to not date or fool around to my see this! Wait, Dad 6, the fact girlfriend’s dismay. :-P that you are twins confuses me. [jTronZero] Good Lord, it’s hard phone sex operator

265

enough maintaining one relationship. People are crazy.

Not judging. It’s ok to be crazy.

Doesn’t make them any less crazy. I’ve found the secret to keeping out the poly specific drama is to not compete for attention. [goofball_jones] Interesting. I’d also liked to have them do an AMA perhaps. Would be an interesting subject, to see how they handle their lives.

[Aza_kitten] Definitely true. It’s definitely exploitable, as well.

I just don’t like the, „it’s raising the kids in a harmful freak show“ mentality if the relationship is a successful, poly one.

I’m not saying a single parent household is harmful either, but it just sucked sometimes. [deleted] Agreed. That said, breakups with two people can be pretty horrific and messy too.

[Aza_kitten] I would argue it’s

[↑ deleted] [1000meeting] That’s so fucking

more beneficial for a child to have 4 parents than 1. There’s always someone to pick them up from school, someone to attend concerts, to go on field trips, to drive them around.

There’s multiple incomes to provide. Always someone to cook dinner AND help with homework.

Source: grew up with a single mother my whole life. I should add; my dad is in my life and always was, but he worked out of state (all over states, actually) and I would be lying if there were not times that I seriously envied my friends in co-parent families who could do stuff I couldn’t because my mom couldn’t be in 2 places at once.

[BenAdaephonDelat] As a new parent, I wouldn’t mind having a 3rd person around who I could trust to give me a break from the crying.

The problem with poly relationships though is what happens if things fall apart. There’s not really any legal clarification for how these situations work, so a breakup when children are involved could get horrendously messy really fast.

I am a

cute!

[deskplace] C-C-C-COMBO

BREAKER

[deleted] „the kids think it’s

perfectly normal,“ Very sad …

[macfearsome] What’s so sad

about it?

[deleted] The fact that you even

have to ask is scary.

[macfearsome] You say while

dodging the question

[↑ deleted] [deleted] Why is it sad? Is it sad

when an American family thinks it is perfectly normal to live 500 miles from their nearest family relative? Or is it sad when a different family lives with their uncles, and aunts, and grandparents in the same house? Just because something is different from what you grew up with doesn’t make it abnormal, weird, or unhealthy. [deleted] Im not talking about the situations youre referring to. Im talking about raising kids in a home where the lines of mother and father are blurred.

Two moms and dads couldnt possibly be advantageous to a childs formative mind.

266

[deleted] “Two moms and dads said kids at a young age to ac-

couldnt possibly be advantageous to a childs formative mind.” Citation needed.

A kid doesn’t actually have any referent for how many adults are appropriate in a household.

As long as all the adults are supportive and loving, I don’t see a single downside to having more than 2 parental type people in a child’s life.

And as I point out, in many cultures, there are extended families living together so having many „moms“ and „dads“ is perfectly normal. [↑ swankytacos] [Jammy507] OP is Chinese

gangster aswell!

[↑ swankytacos] [shinkitty] That’s probably the

best way to handle it. I don’t know a whole lot about your situation, but I’m studying Child Development for my career and one thing I’ve learned about kids is they will notice differences. Skin differences, family differences, all differences.

The way you normalize it is just to explain that it’s okay to be different, and it doesn’t mean anyone should be treated differently.

I think it’s cool to see that someone is in a more unconventional relationship because some people are afraid of trying that kind of thing :) thanks for this AMA, and also your username is swanky.

[Mantan1701] And what if it messes with the kid? You think its fine that the whole idea of a stable 2 person parenting is too old fashioned now, that you’re willing to brainwash phone sex operator

cept the “new age” style of parenting? That’s why this country is going to hell. Bring on the downvotes … [shinkitty] Do you have any evidence that it messes with children at all? Studies have shown that children grow up healthily in any household, as long as the parents are open and considerate of the child’s questions and needs.

There is nothing ‚old fashioned’ about 2-person household. Some households have two parents and some don’t.

It’s just a thing.

There’s nothing brainwashing about anything. I really don’t know where you’re getting all this. I’m sorry you’re so angry. [↑ swankytacos] [macfearsome] Awesome, I’m

sure it’ll work out and conversations overall will be more open because of it! And thanks, triad was the word I was looking for.

[↑ swankytacos] [Mantan1701] You really are go-

ing to mess your kid up psychologically. This whole new age style you people are in goes against the grain of everything that is decent in this country. I can and will never understand how such a thing is considered decent.

Too damn open minded to the point your brains are seeping out your head. That’s my opinion and I’m sticking to it. Let the downvoting begin. [↑ swankytacos] [bobpuller] The guy must either

be so amazing neither of you

267

ladies could snag him on your own, or you’re both sea hags and the man is just happy to have two heaps of garbage.

[RepairmanSki] Shedding insecurity like a meteorite. [chickenmagic] Could you be any more insulting? [bobpuller] Yes [↑ swankytacos] [workythrows177] I wish that

I could form a triad myself, but big block gets put up by my girl on that end. So not cool … [↑ macfearsome] [Ariakkas10] Why is this always

such a hard question for people?

Bigotry isn’t natural born, it’s taught. [chickenmagic] Jealousy seems like a natural reaction to me.

Do you think that boils down to societal pressure? It seems to happen with other animals as well.

[Ariakkas10] Jealousy? Sure. My question is regards to the „What will you tell your kids!?!?“ hysteria.

Some dudes like dudes, some dudes like chicks, some chicks like chicks, and some people like both. What is the big deal?

It’s because the people who ask these questions are bigots and believe non-traditional relationships are inherently evil and that kids have an innate hatred for non-traditional relationships like they do.

The first question is legit … what will her kid call the adults.

Language tends to lag behind culture. But the second question is where it shows. [thurstylark] I think that some are probably asking out of a true I am a

willingness to understand, though. I know I am interested in the answer whenever this question is asked because my experience as a kid was totally different from the kid in question. Coming from my past and current experience, I don’t know how a kid would perceive this type of situation, or what I could tell them to help with understanding and acceptance.

I’m with you about using it as an argument against something like this, but I also think that some people intend no malice but instead wish to understand and help their own kids be open minded.

[Ariakkas10] You don’t know how a kid would perceive that situation?

They would perceive it how they are taught to perceive it. That’s my point. Kids don’t have an inbuilt opinion one way or another. Culture is learned, it’s not innate. The only understanding and acceptance they need it to not be taught how to hate. It’s as simple as that

[deleted] Do you ever get turn-

ed on by the interactions, or is it merely just work and a whole lot of acting?

A lot of it is acting, especially when the guys are kinda assholes about it. But I do get turned on by some of the conversations I have, usually with my

268

regulars, and I have [poisonivychick] How long does the average call last? had actual orgasms on I’d say my average call the phone. is probably around the 20 minute mark. Of [kathiejo] I’ve been thinking of doing Web-Cam stuff but this course I have some 3 sounds like something I would hour calls and some 3 be better at (no looks! just minute calls. sound sexy.)

How is the pay? Obviously it’s your 2nd job so if it was your full time job, could you make a living off it?

You get more calls at night and on the weekend. If you were to do it during the weekdays I don’t know how busy you’d bebut I know you do still get some calls. The tricky thing about it is that you’re kinda waiting around for calls.

You can’t really get into anything you can’t quickly get out of.

Web cams do pay a lot more and I’ve been thinking about getting into that, but the level of work goes up quite a bit too. I’d actually have to wear what I say I’m wearing lol.

[dieselxindustry] Do you ever actually do anything on your end physically or do you just talk and describe the the sex to the caller?

I find it easier usually to do the things I say I’m doing, rather than just faking it. So I guess I’m not actually a good actress. Like I mentioned in anothe t hang up in a couple of minutes I just give him some moany sounds but usually I do end up doing at least some of what I say I’m doing. [deleted] Do you ACTUALLY

masturbate/do whatever to yourself that the man asks, or do you just play along?

Also, you said you were polyamorous but that you’ve got a girlfriend. Does your husband not mind you talking with other men that way?

My husband doesn’t phone sex operator

269

a cruise in January with it :) He isn’t the jealous type and he knows that it’s just a job.

Sometimes when I tell a customer I’m married they’ll ask me to have my husband eat me out /finger/fuck me and he likes when that happens lol. Sometimes he [Jaylus] Have you ever recognised a caller from daytime does it anyway and I work, or had a caller that’s recjust act like the moans ognised you? Do you keep the sex phone work separate are from me masturfrom your daytime life or are you open with everyone about bating. Wow I seem to it? have got off track here.

No, I’m in the midwest I will tell my daughter and most of my calsomeday when she’s old lers are from the east enough to understand coast, that’s where it. If I do one thing difthe company is based ferently from my so maybe its advertised parents it’s going to be more heavily there, that this is a sex posiidk. My friends and my tive household. sisters know about the phone sex but I ha[mymassive] Have you considven’t told my mom :S ered live cam chat for a higher mind the talking, except that it interrupts our tv watching. He had to wait 40 minutes last night to resume the episode of Bates Motel we were watching. He likes the money though :-)

[cheesybagel] What does your husband think about it?

Will you ever tell your kids?

wage? It seems phone service is a dying medium

I’ve definitely considered it. It would be My husband likes the more of a time investextra money I’m bring- ment. If I ever decided ing in. We’re going on to quit my job and do I am a

270

had him driving to wal this full-time I would probably move to cams. mart to jerk off with the windows down. IF that really happened, [Dustygrrl] How common are non-male callers? Are they then kudos to that girl. much different from the male I’m not really into the ones? humiliation scene.

I’ve only had one female caller and she was [saltinado] Hi! How do you with her boyfriend. balance having so little time They were both too shy for yourself? You work during the day, and you work at to really talk to me so night, that sounds like a lot it was kinda lame. of work. Shoot, how do you [Cheapshades97] What are

you wearing “Jake from State Farm”?

Uh. khakis?

[demize34] What is competition like if any? Do you have to compete against other phone sex operators and worry about them stealing customers?

Right now we’re pretty busy and it doesn’t seem like there are a lot of girls. I’m kept too busy to worry about any of the other girls.

Although I did have a customer tell me about how one of our girls did this elaborate humiliation scenario with him the other day that phone sex operator

find time to actually have sex with your husband and your girlfriend?

It’s hard, I’ll admit. The nice thing is that being a contracted employee they stress that they can’t TELL you when to work. So if I want the night off I just send them a message saying I’m taking the night off. I don’t usually work on the weekends unless I’m bored and want to make extra money (they are SUUUPER busy on the weekends). My typical schedule is spending the mornings with my daughter, then I take 271

her to daycare and go to work until 7:30 pm.

Come home and have dinner with my husband and our daughter, put her to bed, log in, then my husband and I hang out while I wait for calls. Usually we can manage to get in a little cuddle/sex/ tv between calls. You’re right though. I’m stretched pretty thin some days. My husband and girlfriend are amazing and supportive though.

[TastyClamburger] So sweat-

pants and an old shirt … So hot! [mademesmile] Relevant!! [→ p 273-284, “Sweet Emotion” by Aerosmith] [un_salamandre] That ending … [contrasupra] Out of curiosity,

do you always give the same answer to this question, or do you switch it up? I imagine you get asked all the time and that the answer is always a lie.

The answer isn’t always a lie, but it’s usually at least made to sound sexier than it is.

Last night for instance, I had just got home from work and I logged in early expecting to have a little bit of time before I got a call.

I take my shirt off and [Longrodrington] What are you wearing right now? Heavy the phone rings. So breathing Well, Longrodington, when the guy asked me I’m glad you asked ;-) what I was wearing and I’m wearing a lacy red I said “Red lacy bra, a black mini skirt, black bra, a black tank top and some see-through tights and boots, it was the truth lol. Usured panties with a black satin bow on the ally I can get a feel for the guy before we back. get to that point and I’ll tailor my response to him. If he’s looking for an innocent teen I’m I am a

272

phone sex operator

273

Hi Honey,

how are you doing?

I am a

274

I’m doing good. How are you doing?

What’s your name?

phone sex operator

275

Billy

I am a

276

Uuh, I like that name

phone sex operator

277

How old are you, Billy?

I am a

278

Iâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;m 26.

phone sex operator

279

I am a

280

Guess what Iâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;m wearing Billy?

phone sex operator

281

Itâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s been real fun Billy

Call me again sometime.

I am a

282

phone sex operator

283

I am a

284

wearing a little t shirt and some white cotton panties. If he wants a real dirty girl I’m wearing my crotchless thong panties etc.

or relationship with you how do you feel and cope with it?

An overwhelming amount of the guys I talk to fit into one of two categories. A) They are lonely and need some kind of connection.

[Motttenrab] Do you have They need a woman to any go to lines to really get the just laugh at their customer excited?

Oh god, the second I joke or listen while they mention anything in my talk. or B) They are ass they lose their god- into something that they damn minds. can’t ethically explore [deleted] I’ve waited for this in any other way but AMA way too long. What are with another consenting you wearing baby? If it’s an Aaron Rodgers jersey then adult (incest, beastiI need your number right ality, etc.) Sometimes now! Seriously though, I’ve seen alot of askreddits the guys fit into both where women would quit not categories lol. because of the awful guys but because of the regulars It doesn’t bother me that would come to them be it a strip club, Webcam, or to talk to the guys who phone line because they want a connection. were lonely and just wanted They tend to be a lot someone to talked to them like a normal person. nicer than most.

How do you deal with those It’s sad that talking to type of people? Personally if I could do that kind of work I me is the highlight would, and I feel like I wouldn’t of their week for some have any feelings about it at all. It’s just work. However of them but I’m glad I’m not in the position so I can fill that role for I can’t really say for sure, so no judgement passed either them. It makes me way. But when you know someone isn’t coming to you feel more like a human to just jack it real quick being and less like a and they feel like they have human fleshlight. some kind of connection phone sex operator

285

[deleted] I can absolutly see

how you can handle the job. It seems like you’ve got a very personable and understanding personality. One last question because I can help but ask.

You said most guys fall into one of two categories. What’s the third? Is there a fourth?

Please just say yes and lie to me.

Oh absolutely. That wasn’t meant to be an all-inclusive list, just that most seem to fit those categories.

I talk to guys who just get off on having that interaction. Like, I’m putting the dildo in my pussy because he asked me to. If that makes any sense?

I don’t think everyone who calls a sex line is into weird shit or is depressed and alone.

That just seems to be most of them. [deleted] Have you ever had a

customer get mad at you because he thought you weren’t genuinely into it or sounded fake?

I had a customer get mad at me because he said I was confusing I am a

him with another guy and he was mad I didn’t remember him, but I take pretty detailed notes so that doesn’t happen. I don’t know why this guy suddenly decided to have another personality. Unless he’s actually got multiple personalities, in which case I feel bad for him.

[DelarkArms] Do you avoid non sex related conversations? If not Why, and how do you guide the conversation to something sexual. If yes Why?

I wouldn’t say that I avoid them, some guys just want to connect with a woman. I have found that USUALLY when a guy calls me and beats around the subject for a while it’s because he’s into something pretty dark and he’s easing into it. So I’m always a little wary of someone who doesn’t want to talk about sex until I know what’s going on.

286

[AquatikJustice] Okay, so story time and then a question.

Years ago (early- to mid- 90’s), my parents got a phone bill that was something like $1200 one month. After they interrogated my 12 year old self, they found out that my 9 year old brother and his friend had been coming home from school for a week, calling a sex line and talking to the girl on the other end for an hour until me or my parents got home.

The topic of conversation: pets and school. For an hour.

Every day for a week. Needless to say, the charges were refunded and someone lost their freedom for a good long while. How would you have handled that situation from the perspective of the lady on the other end of the line?

Haha, I like your brother’s style. Well if I was pretty certain it was an actual child and not an adult who likes to pretend to be a little kid and talk about school and pets (I would believe any fetish at this point) I would probably tell the dispatcher about my suspicions and let them handle it. Unless the kid played a very convincing adult I doubt he’d even make it past the phone sex operator

dispatchers to me in the first place. [deleted] When you say poly-

amorous does that mean your husband is only supportive of the phone sex? Or is it completely open? I’m just curious how that relationship works

No, we are polyamorous.

We are both dating the same woman right now. I have dated other men in the past. If he wanted to date other women right now in addition to the woman we’re with, I would be fine with that. Right now our spare time is pretty limited so we’re not pursuing additional relationships. We’re pretty happy at the moment with each other and our girlfriend. [kv0k] How do you get paid?

Per minute or per call? and does it change based on the time?

The rate I’m paid stays the same at .30/min.

We have per minute calls as well as blocks of calls. So if the dispat287

cher says a guy is a 5-40 that means I’m going to get paid for a minimum of 5 minutes.

After that first 5 minutes it’s per minute and they round up. So if we talk for 17 minutes and 20 seconds I get paid for 18 minutes. The blocks of time are … well, blocks of time lol.

If a guy pays for a 5 minute block and he’s allowed to have 2 extensions it means he’s paid for the first five minutes. When it gets close to 5 minutes I ask him if he wants to extend. If he does, he’s charged for the 7 minute block of time (the next block up), even if he hangs up at 6 minutes. The next block after that is 12 minutes. This becomes more important when you get to the higher blocks.

I am a

[mike19572] You actually got

fired? How did that happen?

Tried to log in last night and my password didn’t work so I asked a dispatcher and I was told the higher ups fired me. I never got an email or anything about it so idk.

I thought that blocking out the names would keep me out of trouble.

Guess not.

288

phone sex operator

289

With questions from

290

abuden adlittle aerial1981 Aeroaxis Akton alastoris alkku allstarrunner all_the_pineapple almost_ubiquitous Always-Stoned Alybank amanforallsaisons AmITheHappyLoss anarchokawaii AndyAwesome anewview2c annerevenant Anthem40 Antnik45 AnUbiquitousUsername AppleShampew AppleSlacks AquatikJustice archydarky Ariakkas10 arkanis50 AutomationWiz Avalina2jtq1 Awkward-Bear Aza_kitten A_solitary_sock A__Random__Stranger B0NERSTORM bahgheera BananaGod banana_pirate bdjorn Beard_of_Valor beedee4 BenAdaephonDelat Berg_Man Betterthanbeer betterusername bickbastardly bigfootmwfs BigglesNZ bigpandamonium Biomortis

Contributors

blackbeltboi blackgalion blackjacksandhookers blackTANG11 Blahblahblah2063 blogsofjihad BMikasa BobaFettyWhopper bobpuller bobstar Bobstein_bear bogidyboy BoogalooShripm BoogLife bookey23 bornintheusofeh bouncy_ball bovineone BoxBopChallenge boydeer brainburger BrainOfSweden brandonp95 brokennoggin Bruss48 BullitproofSoul ButlerianJihadist buttercreamroses BUTTFUCKMYFACE Camshaft92 canadug cantspellinator cant_help_myself CanYouLemonFrajer CaptainCimmeria CaptainTerror42 CaptCurmudgeon CarlaWasThePromQueen CarlSagan6 caross cartooncorpse cathersx3 Catness_NeverClean CDC_ cfdagola Champ2947 charklar cheapjew Cheapshades97

cheesybagel ChemicalPaynt chickenmagic chiped_rock chocological ChompyGator christiandb CIA_Shill clone_a_willy CloudDrone ClumpOfCheese Clutter cnralex collinsl02 confusedgerman23 contrasupra coolguyomega CrapThunder craznazn247 CrimzonGryphon crisp_and_leafy cumbert_cumbert CuriousTripper cyberblade42 CynicScenic DaEpicLeprechaun Dagur DakiniBrave Dalner DaRealGeorgeBush darklordoftech Dark_Plasma DarthLurker DaveLambert dddarian DEDson Deep-Thought DelarkArms [deleted] [deleted] [deleted] [deleted] [deleted] [deleted] [deleted] [deleted] [deleted] [deleted] [deleted]

291

[deleted] [deleted] [deleted] [deleted] [deleted] [deleted] [deleted] [deleted] [deleted] [deleted] [deleted] [deleted] [deleted] [deleted] [deleted] [deleted] [deleted] [deleted] [deleted] [deleted] [deleted] [deleted] [deleted] [deleted] [deleted] [deleted] [deleted] [deleted] [deleted] [deleted] [deleted] [deleted] [deleted] [deleted] [deleted] [deleted] [deleted] [deleted] [deleted] [deleted] [deleted] [deleted] [deleted] [deleted] [deleted] [deleted] [deleted] [deleted] [deleted] [deleted]

[deleted] [deleted] [deleted] [deleted] [deleted] [deleted] [deleted] [deleted] [deleted] [deleted] demize34 derebi desenagrator Desidiosus deskplace destin325 DeviousVerendus devllen05 dh5alpha dick-nipples Diemac dieselxindustry dietbroccoli DiggerNicks13 dimmak Dinkle-berg DIRTYASS_PANTS_MEAT DistortedLines doctordiddy Doc_Haus doffensmush doffensmushSoloJota DollarStoreClassy Dommy73 donaldjohnston DorotheaCurious doyouevenIift draco5374 dreadpiratewombat drfattyphd drgir1friend DriskyBusiness DrKushnstein drummer1248 Drunk-Scientist drunkeyjoe Dtapped Dummies102 Dustygrrl dybre

dylanmurphy97 EasilyAnnoyed EatItYoshi69 edbro333 eddietwang egalroc eladamrine ElCaptainRon embretr Emminora emptyshark Enchanted_Bunny epigrammedic Epiphroni Ergonio erinb55 Esenem EvanJenk exegg EyesEarsMouthAndNose f6fhelldweller fahzbehn falsabaiana farts-alot FascinatedLobster fdgsdhersersduj Feasternator Ferl74 Fhwqhgadsmazegeek999 fickle_floridian fiftystorms finebushlane flail flare2000x flipsometits FlipWhispers flyingsaucerinvasion Foonsaki Forever_Awkward FormerGameDev forte2 FreedomByFire Freikorp FrenchLama frizzlefrupple fstall303 fuck_your_everything Furin

292

garaging Gareth_hornwood gartacus gasface GayAndAllergicToNuts gaylis geft gene1113 genitaliban GentalGenitals ghostfrog ghost_zebra ginger_beer_m girlprotagonist Glossus_inBuccinator GMY0da godzillabitch goldbat goofball_jones GoogleyEyedNopes GourmetPez go_sens grandhighwonko GreenHatSam Grope_a_Dope Growtreant gubbsbe Gurnie Gurpurr halifaxdatageek HamburglarrPLS HannasAnarion hansjens47 hansoloupinthismug Harinezumi hawksfan222 HEBushido HerbertMcSherbert heretohelphomie Highzenboarg HiImJin hilaryjean hippiebanana hitbyacar1 hitlershomie hogwartsbirthcontrol holydragonnall HoriCZE horsenbuggy

Contributors

HotDogen HoustonJay HoustonRocket howsyeronions huginn hurfery H_Junior ICameBack4uSaul icatsouki ifiwazatreeyouwldknw ihatepersons iheartbaconsalt iia ikeepmakingnewaccs ilikebigbuttsyoyo IlIlIIII imanze imlulz inbeforegif Incidentalomatous indrid_cold Insert_Nickname insomniac10 intbah internetpaladin Intrigued1423 introverted-mess InTupacWeTrust ionlyjoined4thecats IrideTheDirt IrishWeegee Ishmael1217 Itchy_butt itislaboeuf ItsMinnieYall I_have_popcorn i_lie_except_on_31st i_only_troll_idiots I_REMOVE_COCKS I_See_Wrong_People jadedconformist jaimystery JamesGoodall Jammy507 JasonGD1982 JavaMonn Jawshem jaxspider

Jaylus JDisselt JellophantOfCake Jenkins92 jessicabp95 jimbolic Jipz jk3us jmadrox jochillin JoeMcCarthyâ&#x20AC;&#x201A; johnathonk johnleemk Johnny_Tempest jongideon Joolybean jtdc jTronZero jujihai juma606 jusmar JustSomeBear just_some_tall_bloke Jynx1989 K-ZooCareBear_ kaikaikaisauce KarlMarx513 karmavoid Katastrophenalarm kathiejo kazneus KazuoKuroi kckeller kebabji Keithious kfyoung kiky23 KingAarron KingGumboot kinjobinjo kitty_muffins KiwiNachSchland KKJS klarth Klashus krrishmaximus KT_ATX KungFuHamster kv0k

293

kyabupaks LadyLilly44 lamarcs laundryboat Lectovai leeroy2682 LegateVarrus Lego_Legz lingh0e Lington lizbot-v1 LKT_TID llathosv2 lls666 lobido lol-da-mar-s-cool Longboarding-Is-Life Longrodrington LopeyO Lord_of_hosts lowbot LSTNYER ltdan-icecream LuckyNumbrXIII lunchboxg4 lurch350z lurer lurkielurker Lutraphobic luurrkker lwill0110 Lynchie24 M4rissaL4uren MabsutA-fat-knight macfearsome mademesmile madziepan Magictadpole maltize MamaDaddy ManofManyTalentz Mantan1701 marblefoot markaflias marley88 marquis_of_chaos marshallsbananas masonkbr

matmat07 MattJayP MattJayP MattyNiceGuy maximusprime7 mayonnnnaise MechanicalTurkish Melicalol MeloneFxcker MesmerizingMe Metal_For_The_Masses metao mflbatman michaellicious midmosquid Mijeman MikasaChan mike19572 mikey_mouse21 Militantpoet ming_the_merciless Misio MisStitch mitchrodee moclov4 modern_knight moe_fugger mojsterr MOLDY_QUEEF_BARF Mollionaire monopanda MonsterRayn moritzclus Motttenrab Moviefone_Kramer MrAnon515 MrchntMariner86 MrSkoozi mrsmalcolmreynolds Mr_Derisant mt_winston MuffinPuff Mugford9 MuonManLaserJab music-box-love mylarrito mymassive Mysticninja my_apps_suck

Nacho_Papi NakedTonyDanza nathanb065 Neo_Player newcirclejerkmod new_zealand Nicticattack NiggyWiggyWoo NikNakWhack124C41 Ninja_Kabuto Nixon_Gold_Cat nje29 njerome nmerrill nmhaas nopodcast noshore4me Notmyrealname NotUrMomsMom NullxByte nunobo nurdle nutmegtell nutterbutter00 o0i81u8120o obizuth OK4U2LOVE OldBeercan omega4relay OMFG-Spot omnilynx one2one2v2 ONE_ANUS_FOR_ALL OperationJericho OrangeredValkyrie OriginalStomper Overthinks_Questions Owenleejoeking PacktLikeFishees PainMatrix parisinla pdfarsight PetitP00 phildavies PhilomathOR pianojuggler4 pl303 plumbtree

294

Plutonium_239 PMmeYourKindWords PM_ME_ANYTHING_UWANT poisonivychick Pommy356 Potethode123 praetroson PREPAREyourANGUS Prosopagnosiape PSX_ Punkergirl14 puppeto PurpleDingo Puthy Quiquex quirkybitch QuirkyQbana qui_gon_john qwerty_0_o radome9 Rain12913 Rairu21 ramalama-ding-dong ramblersrambling Raz0rLight recommendable recovering_spaz RedSocks157 redwolfpack Reffter ReginaldDwight reignoverme RemoteViewingTrainee RepairmanSki repoman retrofuturist rexmons RichardLillard1 robhutten robjarvis robotsatan13 robtehsamplist rozie8100 rsdude0 RubberDong rusrs s0m30n3e1s3

Contributors

Sadaxer SalishSailor salkhokhar SallySubterfuge saltinado samtheredditman sassosaurus savannah0719 schindlerslisp scooping_kiwis ScrewAttackThis selggu seluj1234 semperverus senorchaos718 Sewos SexyJesus001 sfacets Shadow-Seeker shandromand shark758 sharpMR shele Shenaniganmaster Shfydgi shinkitty shwiggy SicTransitEtc silentorbx SilkyButters SilverChallenjour simeoon Sipues sirrix Sir_Cunt99 SizzlingStapleCider skankyfish Skiddle1138 skunkwrxs SLUgamer smm2000 sneakywaffles1 Solo242 someonethatiusedtobe sourcreamjunkie southchiraqtwerkteam Southernerd soyougottoletmeknow spif_spacean spizzard

Sporktrooper sportznut1000 squattmunki SquishyWizard SrSkippy sscutchen stagethepoop Stefan_Zhirkov Sterling__Archer_ Stevo1654 Stinjy StNic54 stroud StudentII Subliminal_Pizza suckeredpunch sugarfreeme Superj569 supermainlander SwagMasterPimpNigga swish_ TacoSwimmer Tasher88 TasteTheRaimbow TastyClamburger Techynot teh_fizz Tempestyze Tenebraum tenminuteslate terradicktyl tha2ir thanksjerk that_blind_panda That_Jewish_Boy The-Potato-Lord TheBeachWhale TheCobras TheCostalWriter Thelonious_Cube thelord4444 TheMuffinMansion theoldno2 ThePartyTrick Thestonersteve thetalosprinciple TheUnamedChild THE_area_supervisor The_GanjaGremlin

295

the_red_wheelbarrow Thin-White-Duke thiney49 ThirdDegree thirdlegsblind this_sucks1121 Thorston throwaway241214 Throwaway43416 thurstylark tinnyminny tint TittlesMcJizzum tojoso Tooup ToukanLab towishimp traceyh415 TrapperKeeper treasurebum TrebleTone9 Treees trowawufei Try-Another-Username tsilihin666 turkeypants twelveinchtyrone Twigglesnix twisteddtoaster tzenrick t_ran_asuarus_rex UgbaEnglish unbiasdpredsposition UndeadArgos ungh01 UnicornsAreRea1 unimatrix_0 UniversallyWeird un_salamandre userbelowisamonster username_00001 USmellFunny valicat valley_pete Varvars VelvetElvis veracite Vikner

viper1aa vjosiah VladaBudala VulturE

12084182 2crudedudes

waldotherogue Washurhandsafterupee watewate WED1955 WentoX Wheeelerv whenim30iwilllook20 whiskeyonsunday whiteboys White_ghost who-the-hell-cares WhyDontJewStay Willhud98 Wisens wise_comment wojwilk wood3029 workythrows177 WrongPeninsula X-Yz yhelothere YomToTheGui yoyopo13 zach2thefuture zaklauersdorf ZBeebs zdrose zealousduck zefy_zef zepenguin zephyrg zeporscheguy zeurydice ziburinis zip_000 zombiekidlikesturtle -H-E-L-I-X-oWs-LordEnigma -selina1000meeting 10ac

296

Contributors

297

298

Everything You Always Wanted to Know About Ordinary People AMA/Issue 1

Sources All content originates from reddit.com. All images belong to their respective owners.

Bern University of the Arts Elisabeth Zahler

I am a 95 year old german woman and experienced Nazi Germany as a civilian

Mentored by Valentin Hindermann Printed in Bern 2016 June Typefaces Suisse BP Serif Suisse BP Int’l Paper Environment Natural 90 gm2 © All rights reserved, including the right of reproduction in whole or in part in any form

https://www.reddit.com/r/IAmA/comments/31esm0/iama_95_year_old_german_women_from_a_village_in/

I am a 17 year old blind guy who was shot by his father

https://www.reddit.com/r/IAmA/comments/4al0v0/iama_17_year_old_blind_guy_ who_was_shot_by_his/?

I am a former Disneyland cast member. I was Alice in Wonderland

https://www.reddit.com/r/IAmA/comments/ jr86w/im_a_former_disneyland_cast_member_i_was_alice_in

I am a Syrian immigrant in Germany https://www.reddit.com/r/IAmA/comments/39pspv/iama_29_m_syrian_who_ was_able_to_escape_from/

I am a Waffle House grill operator

https://www.reddit.com/r/IAmA/comments/333bn0/iama_waffle_house_grill_ operator_ama/?

I am the guy with two penises

https://www.reddit.com/r/IAmA/comments/1u75hh/i_am_the_guy_with_two_penises_ama/?

I am a retired bank robber

https://www.reddit.com/r/IAmA/comments/39b67t/im_a_retired_bank_robber_ama

I am a phone sex operator

https://www.reddit.com/r/IAmA/comments/35am3k/iama_phone_sex_operator_lets_talk_about_phone_sex/?

Colophon

299

I am a 95 year old german woman and experienced Nazi Germany as a civilian I am a 17 year old blind guy who was shot by his father I am a former Disneyland cast member. I was Alice in Wonderland I am a Syrian immigrant in Germany I am a Waffle House grill operator I am the guy with two penises I am a retired bank robber I am a phone sex operator

300

Colophon

301

302

NO IMAGE AVAILABLE

Colophon

303

304

NO IMAGE AVAILABLE

Colophon

305

NO IMAGE AVAILABLE

306

Colophon

307

Colophon

308

4

Everything You Always Wanted to Know About Ordinary People