Al Reem Al Nuaimi, Journal Entry #27

Journal Entry #27 Al Reem Al Nuaimi

moved my bed to the corner of my room when I realized you’d soon be gone. It was 2am and it took me forty-five minutes to push and position it on my own; it probably took you half that time to decide to let go.

It’s not easy to see the light when the moon refuses to glow because it does not want to greet the sun anymore. It’s not easy to say “I love you” after someone tells you that their love for you has always been conditional on what it takes to make you stay.

Your cat can’t speak but you convince yourself that it will scream your name every time it needs your help.

I don’t have suicidal thoughts anymore but I am often reminded that I once wanted nothing more than to be dead.

I am sick of always feeling like I’m being taken for granted. I wish your voice could be in my ears forever. You break my heart at least once a week but you’ll never know. I make no sounds while I let you; to be loved should be good enough of a virtue. I will never be who she is to you. I am sick of crying. Your ghost still follows me everywhere I go, and I let it. How can someone be so cold-hearted? I just want to talk to you the way we used to before, nothing more. Let me touch your skin and only then will I let you kiss my lips. Saying goodbye isn’t even the hardest part. I don’t know how to say hello again.

what we’ve all been waiting for

Yoon Hee Kim