The little Manual for a State of Well Being * the EGO*

TLM-1st Edition/Volume 4

July/August

The Little Manual for a State of Well-Being the EGO

Artist: Diana Mendieta

Ego (iːgou; egou)

Someone's ego is their sense of their own worth. 1

We will begin this Little Manual with the Greek mythology story about Narcissus, son of the river god Cephissus and nymph Liriope. Narcissus was distinguished for his beauty, and he only loved all the beautiful things. One day, while hunting, he got thirsty and--while leaning over a pool of water to take a drink--he saw his reflection in the water and fell in love with it. According to Greek mythology, it was a punishment created specifically for Narcissus, by the goddess Nemesis, for his callous rejection of women and men who fell for his beauty. Narcissus, not able to possess what he was looking at (his own reflection) in the pool of water, killed himself--his blood ponding and flowing down into the water and forming one single flower, which forever shares his name: Narcissus Jonquilla, 1

Collins English Dictionary. Copyright © HarperCollins Publishers

commonly known as the daffodil. Mostly, this story is a cautionary tale related to vanity; however, I am now going to explore it from the angle of the Ego.

“Whenever I climb I am followed by a dog called ‘EGO.’”

Friedrich Nietzsche

According to Sigmund Freud2, in his famous psychoanalytic theory3, he states that personality is composed of three elements, the ID, EGO and the SUPEREGO, which work together to determine the behavior of each of us--all humankind. In his analysis, the ID is based on the pleasure principle, which is our primitive instinctive behaviors we possess since birth. The EGO, based on the reality principle, develops from the ID and is the element in charge of dealing with reality and the things that could be satisfied appropriately in society--at the right time and place. The SUPEREGO is the element that provides guidelines for making judgments and, according to Freud, is divided into two parts: the conscience and the ego ideal. The interaction between these three parts has no limits.

When talking about the ID principle, my college Sociology professor gave the example of the satisfaction a newborn experiences when pooping. But after the newborn poops, he/she expresses discomfort until cleaned up, after which his/her pleasure is satisfied once more. I remember this very fondly because it is a great reminder of the primitive pleasures which we possess until the end of our conscious and unconscious mind, per se. The EGO, as Freud puts it, functions in the conscious, preconscious and unconscious mind and plays a very important role when expressing the ID’s primitive desires, which transforms it into an acceptable manner in the real world through delayed gratification (the ability to wait for the gratification of desired things or outcomes). For example, when you get hungry at school, while classes are in session, your mind starts picturing food, but you are also able to wait until lunch time by concentrating on the classwork. You accept that you will eventually experience gratification (eat lunch), thus you are being realistic about what is possible at the time. The SUPEREGO, according to Freud’s theory, starts to develop around age five and it holds the standards and ideals we receive from society and our parents. In the part of the conscience, it is the things that are forbidden and cause bad consequences and behaviors, which at the time are not satisfying because they cause guilt or remorse. In the part of the ego ideal, it includes the standards and rules of behavior to which the EGO aspires to.

“The Ego is not master in its own house.”

Sigmund Freud 2 3

Sigmund Schlomo Freud, born 6 May 1856 - 23 September 1939; Austrian neurologist and the founder of psychoanalysis.

Psychoanalysis, a clinical method for treating psychopathology through dialogue between a patient and a psychoanalyst.

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Then comes the fight between the three parts.

As Freud describes it in his psychoanalytic theory, when a person has a strong ID, the person exhibits more primitive impulses which could lead to a strong, decisive character, and could even cause the person to commit crimes and engage in obsessive behaviors. In the case of a dominant SUPEREGO, the person becomes more inclined to have a moralistic view of things that are viewed only as bad or immoral--the ethical component of personality. The EGO, however, has the function of trying to balance the other two, and takes a more realistic view of things, thus helping to balance the simple or critical thinking that could arise from each personality conflict. According to Freud, a moderate, healthy personality is the balance for the three parts.

How do we arrive at a healthy personality? As I explained in prior volumes of Little Manual, the PAST builds an EGO, and it is that load that we carry--which if not balanced well--can lead to a very unstable life. The mind, which stores the good/bad memories--the images of everyday life--is able to manage all this incoming data, according to your own perspectives, of course. To have a healthy personality requires this, as well as a balanced perspective of yourself. That is something we cannot stop doing; it may seem difficult, however, it is possible to manage with the power of the mind.

“Your ego screams for people to acknowledge you. But you must do nothing.

Take it. Eat it until you are sick. Endure it. Quietly brush it off and work harder.”

Ryan Holiday (Ego is the Enemy)

Incognito4could be the best way of presenting yourself with others.

Let’s consider this example. At an airport, coming back from Chicago, my layover was about three hours, so I had time to roam around the airport. Looking for a comfortable place to write, I found a coffee shop. There was no seating available, but I saw a man sitting at a table by himself. I asked if I could share the table with him, and he said it would be fine. As I opened my laptop, we started to talk about our travels: I was coming back from Europe, he was traveling to LA. We talked about our experiences when traveling: the accommodations, the food, etc. He told me about a cycling tour in Tennessee, which was of great interest to me, as someone who likes to explore nature in a more sustainable manner. The 2 ½ hours we spent talking was so entertaining for both of us. Before I said goodbye, I asked for his name. George, he said. Efra, I said. Two years passed, and one day, as I casually opened a business magazine, there he was: the man I met at the airport was the CEO of a big company. We never spoke about our professions; it was not necessary. It seemed the EGO was in balance between the two of us. The ego presence is limited when you show up

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Collins English Dictionary (ɪnkɑgˈniˌtoʊ) with true identity unrevealed or disguised; under an assumed name, rank, etc.

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incognito--without your titles leading the way and potentially denying your true and honest expression with others.

In a typical scenario, if you attend an event specific to your profession, or you are meeting a person interested in your contribution to a given industry, the sharing of professional titles and rank is a must. When talking about the social aspects of everyday life, mention of rank is not necessary. If you wisely think about it, imposing your particular rank in public, because of your “fat” EGO, will lead you to be regarded according to your own defined boundaries--thus limiting you and others from exploring or getting to know each others’ life circumstances beyond professional rank. The EGO, in general, is something we do live with, as Freud explains. It develops from a very young age and will eventually--if not controlled by a specific development phase--try to completely take over your inner self. There is a way to avoid this and that is by keeping a “Strong Inner Self”--which Freud referred to as Ego Strength. A person who is able to manage the imbalance between the ID and SUPEREGO, according to Freud, is a person who has a “strong ego.” Such a person is able to: manage frustration and stress; postpone gratification; modify or resolve internal conflicts and desires; and even grow intellectually as a consequence of those limitations. However, when there is a “weak ego,” the person’s reality will seem overwhelming and difficult to cope with, and they might view challenges as something to avoid altogether. This type of person could end up becoming an abuser of substances5 and fantasizing about everything--as an escape from reality.

“Destroy your illusions so you can see reality. Destroy your fears so you can take risks. Destroy your EGO so you can see life.”

Maxime Lagacé

The ego, in general, is never limited to certain circumstances of life. As we now know, and according to Freud’s theory, the three elements (ID, EGO and SUPEREGO) interact in our daily lives, so it is very important to remain aware of their potential. A good start to developing a balanced EGO would be to analyze yourself--beginning with your childhood memories, all the way to your present life. As explained in our previous Little Manuals, when we study and analyze our inner self--the objective as well as the subjective views--and important aspects of our past experiences, we enhance our levels of ego strength. If you were to ask me, Is this really necessary? My answer would be: It’s a must-do! If you neglect to do this work, allowing your life to just meander without direction--whether in the good or in the bad aspects--you will experience much incompletion: incomplete tasks, incomplete self, incomplete relations, and an incomplete healthy life, emotionally and physically.

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Collins English Dictionary (sʌbstəns) is a solid, powder, liquid, or gas with particular properties.

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“When ego is lost, the limit is lost. You become infinite, kind, beautiful.”

Harbhajan Singh Yogi

Everything, in general, is connected. There is no road to “nowhere!”

When building up your own life, even without a clear goal, you have to believe that you are carving your own road to “somewhere.” The sum total consequences of all your actions and life perspectives will eventually lead you to a particular place on this planet. You will then possibly connect with persons or places meaningful to you, because of the way you have managed your EGO, and worked to achieve a better understanding of the concept of delayed gratification. After making informed decisions and reaching your goal, you will experience a greater bliss. If your Inner self does not feel that your accomplishments have been set, then it is time to analyze your life. Remember, it is never too late; it is always the right time for a reset or to make personal changes in your life.

Going back to the story of Narcissus--as the myth of beauty we know--I believe that he did accomplish his goal. Let me explain. Narcissus’ EGO was too big to live with. His way of seeing himself, as the most beautiful man, made him concentrate only on that personal perspective--his looks. His ID was the most dominant element, if we analyze the myth applying Freud’s theory. He guided himself with the most basic primitive instinct, the pleasure principle. Narcissus lost the balance between the ID, EGO and SUPEREGO. I would even suggest that his SUPEREGO was never in play. Instead, he possessed a weak EGO which made him concentrate on himself and nothing else--to the point of causing his own death, as he fantasized over his own reflection in the water.

The end, sometimes, is not as we expect. The goal, however, can be set. The path in front of us might seem unclear, shady or even just a blank space. However, if after analyzing yourself, you are still not able to focus on a clear path, let go of the attachments you might have created from your past. Let loose and start from the beginning, set yourself a goal, keep in balance your EGO with its several counterparts and, remember, the END IS NEVER AS WE EXPECT! I will leave you with this, so you can make your own conclusion:

“Is that you or your EGO?”

Anonymous

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All pics by Efra Gonz.

EXERCISE - EGO * Strong Ego * Find a place to work on this exercise, somewhere you feel comfortable. This exercise can be done with the help of others, if needed.

AT THE TOP OF A BLANK SHEET OF PAPER (A SEPARATE SHEET FOR EACH OF THE HUMAN DEVELOPMENT PHASES, AS LISTED BELOW) WRITE THE FOLLOWING: INFANCY AND TODDLERHOOD EARLY CHILDHOOD MIDDLE CHILDHOOD ADOLESCENCE EARLY ADULTHOOD MIDDLE ADULTHOOD LATE ADULTHOOD (For the Infancy and Toddlerhood phase activity, ask your parents or other family members about details of your development at that age. Address each development phase in terms of the ID, EGO and SUPEREGO, making an analysis of yourself. After you have completed that activity, set up a goal. If all seems to be in balance, enjoy your life. This is the beginning of your aim to develop a strong ego, for a healthy life. Remember, the end outcome is never what we expect!

PEACE! LOVE! HAPPINESS! Remember to continue reading issues of my Little Manual, as we will be bringing in new topics which connect to the previous ones. This is a process of support for you, for a State of Well-Being! Don’t forget to share this with family and friends!

Article written by Efra Gonz Edited by Tammy Melody Gomez For any help or support you might need, contact Efra Gonz @ nochenoir@h mail.com

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