AVeryHappyValentine
HAPPY EVER AFTER BOOK TWO
ELISE NOBLE
Copyright©2024EliseNoble
ISBN:978-1-912888-76-4
Thisbookisaworkoffiction Names,characters,organisations,places,events,andincidentsareeithertheproductoftheauthor’simaginationorareusedfictitiously
Allrightsreserved Nopartofthisbookmaybereproducedortransmittedinanyformorbyanymeans,electronicormechanical,includingphotocopying,recording,orby anyinformationstorageandretrievalsystem,withoutwrittenpermissionfromtheauthor Inaddition,nopartofthisbookmaybeusedtocreate,feed,orrefineartificial intelligencemodels,foranypurpose,withoutwrittenpermissionfromtheauthor.
EditedbyNikkiMentges,NAMEditorial
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CHARLES M. SCHULZ
Chapter1
Chapter2
Chapter3
Chapter4
Chapter5
Chapter6
Chapter7
Chapter8
Chapter9
Chapter10
Chapter11
Chapter12
Chapter13
Chapter14
Chapter15
Chapter16
Chapter17
BonusChapter
What’sNext?
WanttoStalkMe?
AlsobyEliseNoble
MynameisSerenaCarlisle,andI’mafraud.
There,Isaidit
I’mafraud
Mybrotherpassedthegravy,andIpoureditovermyroastpotatoes.
“So,how’sthenewapartment?”heasked.
“Onthe small side, but it’s ina great location. Onlyone street awayfromthe Tube, and there are plentyofrestaurants nearby”
“Diditcomefurnished?”
“It’sratherminimalist,butI’llonlybethereforsixmonths.”
WhenIwaseightyearsold,KateHodgsontoldmeIcouldonlysitatherlunchtableifIwasavegetarian,andsinceKate’s mumwasayogateacherandherdadwasaTVchefandshewasthereforetheclosestthingtoacelebritythatFairoaksPrimary Schoolhad,I’dswornblindthatIdidn’teatmeat ThenI’dspentthenextfouryearspickingthehamoutofmysandwicheson thewaytothebusstopeachmorning,andevennow,IstillglancedbehindmeoutofhabiteverytimeIbitintoaburger.
I’dbeenpretendingeversince.
Like now, for example. Mynew apartmentinLondonwas a dump. Seriously. Iwouldn’thave beensurprised to see the roachesthatlivedunderthekitchensinkpackingtheirbagsandmovingout By“minimalist,”Imeantthattheonlyfurniturewas acoffeetablewithonelegshorterthantheothers,asinglebed,andamusty-smellingcouch,thelasttwoofwhichI’dcovered insheetsbecauseIcouldn’tbeartotouchtheactualfabric.Andby“plentyofrestaurants,”Imeantitwasaboveakebabshop andoppositeaChinesetakeaway.
Butitwaswithinmybudget,andthatwastheimportantthing.
“Sixmonthsisalongtimewithoutcreaturecomforts,”Liamsaid “Sureyoudon’twantmetobringsomeofyourfurniture? Icouldrentavan”
“No,no,it’sfine.Honestly.London’salongdrive.”
“Onlyacoupleofhours.”
“Don’tyouhavepackingtodo?”
“Tickets,money,passport,swimmingtrunks It’lltakemefiveminutes”
“Whataboutactualclothes?Aren’tyouplanningtoleavethehotel?”
Mybrotherglancedathisgirlfriend,andhercheeksturnedscarlet.
“No?”hesaid.
“Okay,okay,sparemethedetails”
Liamhad beendatingMarissa for a little over a year now, or a little over two years ifyoucounted the initial one-night standgonewrong.The“gonewrong”parthadinadvertentlybeenmyfault,notthatanyonehadrealiseditatthetime.Luckily, the hand of fate and a broken hip had given them a happy ending. Our parents were thrilled. Thrilled and relieved. “Marissa’sremarkablynormal,”Mumhadtoldme.“NotthekindofgirlIthoughtLiamwouldendupwithatall.”Ofcourse, the “normal” commenthad come two days before Marissa realised she’d wonthe bloodylottery Now theywere offto the Caribbeantogetsomewintersun
“We’restayinginasuite,”shesaid.“Ionlybookedaregularroom,butMrs.Finnegan’snieceworksatthehotel,andshe finagledusanupgrade.There’smeanttobeawhirlpooltubandacoffeemachine.”
You wouldn’t know Marissa was a multimillionaire Apart fromthe fact she’d taken driving lessons and upgraded her bicycle to a Volkswagen Polo, her life had barely changed. She still worked part-time in a care home because she liked chattingwiththeoldfolks,sheshoppedforyellow-labelitemsatTesco,andhalfofherclothescamefromVinted.Oldhabits diedhard,shesaid,althoughLiammentionedshe’ddonatedatidysumtothecatrescuethey’dadoptedtheirnewkittenfrom. Theshoelace-obsessedlittlefurballeyedupmyfeetfromacrosstheroom,andItuckedthemfartherundermychair
“HaveyoumetMarcyet?”Marissaasked “He’sflyingintomorrow.”
“Areyounervous?”
Iwavedahand.“Nervous?Oh,no,I’vemetsomanyactorsthattheyallstarttolookthesame.”
Yes,I’dmanagedtoturnmytalentforfakingitintoacareer Notaparticularlyillustriousone,ifIwashonest,atleastuntil three years ago, but I’d gone from regional theatre to three seasons of playing a ditzy police constable on Whispers in Willowbrook. The BBC mystery drama looked good on my CV, even if my job was far less glamorous than most people imagined.Earlymornings,latenights,alotofsittingaroundintheconverteddouble-deckerbusthatservedasourrestareain betweenscenes.
But on Boxing Day, I’d received the best slightly late Christmas present ever a phone call from Patrick Sheridan Visionary, acclaimed playwright, and last year’s Tony Award winner for Best Director of a Play. And he’d wanted me to auditionforajob.
Me!
Apparently,hewasabigfanofBritishcrimedrama
Itwasn’tsuchagreatChristmasforVirginiaPortman,who’dtrippedandbrokenherlegwhileleavingapartyonChristmas Eve,orherstand-in,who’dgonedownwithglandularfever,butI’dstilldancedaroundmycottagewhenIhungupthephone. Thenstubbedatoeonachair.ItwasatthatpointIconsideredthatmaybetheproductionofThe Other Woman wasjinxed,butI couldn’tafford to turndownwork. Actingdidn’tpaymuch. Usually, Irecorded audiobooks inthe offmonths whenIwasn’t communingwithcorpses,becausethebillswouldn’tpaythemselves
The Other Woman didn’thavemuchofabudget,butitdidhaveMarcdi Gregorio Hollywoodsuperstar,mediadarling, andoldcollegeroommateofPatrickSheridan.Hedidn’twanttogettypecast,apparently,whichwaswhyhe’dagreedtostar inPatrick’splayforpeanutsinsteadofplayingyetanotheractionhero.Theentirerunwassoldoutalready.
Nopressure,then.
AndMarissadidn’tseemconvincedbymyblaséattitude
“TheyalllooklikeMarcdiGregorio?But Imagine magazinesaidhewasoneofakind Doyouthinkyou’llbeabletoget usbackstagepasses?”
“That’snotreallyathingintheatre,butifwehaveawrapparty,youcandefinitelycomeasmydate.”
“I’mbeingditched for myownsister?” Liamasked, buthe was smiling. “Speakingofparties, are yougoingto our high schoolreunion?”
AnyjoyImighthavefeltmadeadashforthedoor,andthetensionsqueezingmybellyratchetedupanotch.Somefoolin Liam’s year hadgoneall AmericananddecidedFairoaks Grammar simplymusthaveahighschool reunion.Exceptbecause our classes were relatively small, she’d invited the two years above and the two years below to make up the numbers. Unfortunately,thatincludedme “No,I’mnot”
“BecauseoftheCarriething?”
The Carrie thing. Liammadeitsoundsoinnocuous,buthavingbloodthrownovermeattheschoolpromhadbeenanything buttrivialtoeighteen-year-oldme.I’dbeenridiculed,I’dbeenarrested,andI’dlostagoodfriendovertheincident. “Yes,becauseoftheCarriething”
“Thatwasjustonenight”
“Anightthatruinedmylife.”
OfcourseLiamwouldn’tunderstand.He’dalwaysbeenoneofthepopularkids.
“LibbySieberprobablywon’tevengo Iheardshe’sinthemiddleofanastydivorce”
“Really?Well,shealwaysdidhaveterribletasteinmen.”
Our feud had started when she accused me of flirting with her boyfriend, which was crazy, and I told her so. Darren Hendonwasacreep.ThelastthingI’dwantedtodowasattracthisattention.
Despite her constant sniping, I’d actually been looking forward to the prom The end-of-year bash at a local golf club promised a chance to dress up, to say goodbye to old classmates, and to sample the results of the “design a graduation cocktail”contest,evenifalcoholhadlostsomeofitsallureonceIwasoldenoughtobuyitlegally.
Inhindsight, Ishould have realised thatfate was tryingto send me a message. First, a shop assistanthad tornmydream dresswhiletryingtoremoveastubbornsecuritytag,thenI’daccidentallydyedmyhairorange,andbeforeIcouldbegalocal stylist to fix the problem, Damon Clarke dumped me in a row over popcorn we’d split the cost of a tub fifty-fifty, but apparently,I’deatenmorelikeseventypercent NevermindthefactthatIhadn’twantedtoseethemillionthinstalmentofthe FastandtheFuriousanyway,but Whatever.Whyhadn’tItakenthehint?
Stupid,stupidme.
InsteadoftearingupmypromticketandactingasifI’dneverwantedtogointhefirstplace,I’dsniffleddownthephoneto myfriendOwen,andOwenhadfeltsorryenoughformethathe’dofferedtodrivebackfromuniversityandpretendtobemy date.Owen,the nerdwho’dnever quite fittedinatFairoaks Grammar either.Owen,who’dspenthours helpingme withmy homeworkwhenheusedtolivenextdoor.Owen,who’dmovedtoCambridgetostudycomputerscienceonafullscholarship andleftagapingholeinmylife.He’devenpromisedtohireatuxedo.
Ishouldhavesaidno
IshouldhaveeatenapintofchocolateicecreamandcriedoverNetflix
IshouldhaveboughtoneofthosecustomisedvoodoodollswithDamon’sfaceandburneditonatinyfuneralpyre.
Butinstead,I’dtearfullyacceptedOwen’soffer,thenbeenforcedtoavoidhimforeverwhenhisrentedtuxedogotruined andLibbyandhercroniesturnedonhimtoo.ThelasttimeI’dseenhim,hewasonthephonewithmyparents,tryingtoexplain whyIwasbeingloadedintothebackofapolicevan
Didyouknowit’spossibletogetexpelledafteryourfinalexam?No,neitherdidI
“Youshouldconsidergoingtothereunion,”Liamsaid.“Holdyourheadhigh.Ibetyou’vedonebetterforyourselfthanall thoseidiotswhousedtohangoutwithLibby.”
Ayear ago, myanswer would have been“No way,” but today, a finger of smugsatisfactionpoked me inthe forehead. LibbySieber was goingthrougha bad break-up while I was footloose, fancy-free, and about to star ina playwithone of Hollywood’s hottest properties There would be a ton of PR, and didn’t dumb-ass reporters after a story always spread rumoursofromancebetweencolleagues?LucasCollinshadheldadooropenformeatanawardsceremonyonce,andthenext thingIknew,therewasapictureofthetwoofusonTwitter. Serena’s secret smile is romance on the cards for Detectives Cartwright and Hosier? AlthoughI’d watched mostofhis movies, I’d onlyever said one word to him “thanks” and ifI rememberedrightly,thesmilehadbeenbecauseIcouldfinallygobacktothehotelandgetoutofmyawfulbloodyheels And I’donlybeentherebecauseViola,myride-or-diebestiethroughtheatreschoolwho’ddecidedshepreferredbeingbackstage, hadbeennominatedforBestHair&Make-up.
“Technically,Ididn’tgraduate,”ItoldLiam.“I’dfeellikeafraud.”
“It’snotanofficialschoolevent Andyoupassedyourexams,didn’tyou?That’swhatmatters”
“Fine,I’llthinkaboutit CanyousendmethelinktotheFacebookgroup?Ideletedit” Liamnodded.“Goshowthemthatyoumadesomethingofyourself.Myfamousbigsister.”
Marissareachedacrossthetableandsqueezedmyhand.“Liammightnotsayitoften,buthe’ssoproudofyou.”
As it always did, a guilty chill ran through me because all I did was pretend. Pretend to be a cop Pretend people’s judgment didn’t bother me Pretend to be happy Liamwasanactualdoctor HesavedpeopleinreallifewhileIfakediton
ButjustasI’dpractisedahundredtimes,Iactedcoyandsmiled. “Thanks,littlebro.I’mproudofyoutoo.”
“HappyNewYear”
Hehelduphisglassinatoast,andIclinkedit. “Let’shopeit’sagoodone.”
“They’rehere!”thestagemanagerannounced.
Thecostumedesignerbeganfanningherself,andacrosstheroom,PriscillaPrenticeclosedhercopyofthescriptand satupstraighter PriscillawasplayingEliza,mycompetitionin The Other Woman,anditseemedtheanimosityextendedoff stage because so far, she’d beendecidedlycool towards me. Probablybecause I’d takenher friend’s role. She and Virginia PortmanhadbeenpalssincetheysharedtheroleofMatildaintheWestEndmusical.
Theconceptoftheplaywassimplebutquirky.We’dplaytwowomencompetingforthesameman,andattheendofAct Three,theaudiencewouldvoteontheendingtheywantedtosee OnwhichofuswouldgetMarc Sorry,ImeantRichard My mistake.Themarketingteamhadbilleditas“acaptivatingandemotionallychargedplaythatdelvesintothecomplexitiesof love, loyalty, and the power struggles that arise withinrelationships,” and tickets were changinghands for twice their face valueontheresalesites.PossiblybecauseMarctookhisshirtoffinthesecondact.
Two weeks to rehearse, one monthto perform We weren’tquite inthe WestEnd, butwe weren’ta millionmiles away Stickingwiththe“quirky”theme,PatrickSheridanhadchosenatheatreinDalston,aformerArtDeco-stylecinemasavedfrom demolitionandturnedintoaperformancespace.Rehearsalswereinashutteredprimaryschoolalongthestreet,andthatplace would be meetingthe wreckingball ina few months. So for now, we were sittingontinychairs, surrounded bycorkboards coveredinfadeddrawingsofcatsandrainbowswhilewewaitedforMarcandPatricktograceuswiththeirpresence.
Mypalmsbegantosweat,andmyphoneslippedoutofmyhand Dammit!Itbouncedoffmyfootandcametorestbeside Andi,oneofthestagehands,andofcoursesheglancedatthescreenasshehandeditbacktome
“OMG!MarcdiGregoriosplitupwithhisgirlfriend?”
“Maybe?Imean,that’swhatthestorysays.”
Priscilla’sperfectlypluckedeyebrowspinchedtogether.“Areyouonthatawfulgossipsite?Theylieabouteverything.” “Uh,Iwasjustcurious”
Andperhaps Iwas alsosignedupfor celebgossipcom’s freenewsletter The Daily Dirt promised to dishthe good stuff beforeanyoneelse.Forewarnedwasforearmed,afterall.
“Someofwhattheywriteis true,”Andi said.“Theybrokethenews ofScottLowes’s wedding.Brokemyfreakingheart too.”
“TheysaidVirginiasplitupwithTerrence,andthat’snottrue”
“Areyousure?”thepropertymasterasked.“IgotabuddywhoworksinthesameinvestmentbankasTerrence,andhesaid TerrencetookajobintheDubaioffice.”
“It’sonlytemporary,”Priscillasnapped.“They’reonabreak.”
Theguyheldupbothhands “Okay,whateveryousay”
“Ido say, so whydon’tyoukeep your nose outof ” Her scowl morphed into a sultrysmile “Patrick!How was your flight?”
Andtherehewas.Marcdi Gregorio,inthelightlytannedflesh.Hewasshorter thanI’dimagined hisbiosaidsixfeet, andhewasmorelikefive-ten butevenmorehandsomeinperson.Achiselledjaw,artfullydishevelledchestnuthair,andthe type of smile that went ping in a toothpaste advert And it wasn’t just his physical features that drew attention Marc di Gregoriohadanaurathatscreamed“lookatme,”thekindofconfidencethatI’dneverbeenabletofake,nomatterhowhardI
tried.
Patrickwasthesameage thirty-two buthishairhadgreyedout,andthefinelinesaroundhiseyesmadehimlookolder. Hissmilewaskindratherthansinful Thetwoofthemweren’talone,either Afilmcrewtrailedbehindthem,andIswallowed a groan.Myagenthadexplainedthata producer friendofPatrick’s was puttingtogether a “Makingof” documentary,butI’d hopedtheymightwaituntilaftertheintroductionstostartrecordingeverything.
Nosuchluck.
Andthepeoplekeptcoming Amake-upartist,abeefyguyIassumedwasabodyguard,severalassistants Soon,theold schoolhallwasburstingattheseams Themake-upartistpausedtostudymeandtuttedalittle Whatdidthatmean?Myskin wastoopale?Mydarkhairwastoothick?Orhadshenoticedtheworrylinesonmyforehead?
“Theflightwasdelayedbyanhour,”Patricksaid.
Marcseemedthemostrelaxedoutofallofus.“Theytoldusitwouldbetwohours,soweordereddinner,andthenwehad toboardbeforewefinishedtheappetiser”
Welivedindifferentworlds MydinnerhadbeenaTescosandwichasIreadthroughthescriptforthehundredthtime We hada basic storyline tofollow,butPatrickencouragedus toputour ownspinonthe roles.Havingtoimprovise was worse thanfollowingprecisedirections somanynewwaystogowrong.
Marclookedatme,andthenheglancedatPriscilla.Histrademarksmiledidn’twaverashesteppedforward,butmyheart hop-skip-jumpedwhenhekissedmeonthecheek
“SerenaCarlisle…I’mahugefanofyourwork.”
“Youare?”
“Britishcrimedramaisaguiltypleasure.”Hisgringrewwider,andhepointedhisfingerslikeapairofmanicuredpistols. “Crackingcases,onecuppaatatime?”Wow,heknewDetectiveCartwright’scatchphrase?“Tellmetheydidn’treallykillyou off?”
“Theyhaven’tmadeafinaldecisionyet.”
Inlastseason’s finale,DetectiveCartwrighthadbeenkidnappedbyamaniac,andwhentheclosingcreditsrolled,she’d beenlyingmotionlessinacellarwithbloodtricklingfromhermouth.Nobodyyetknew whethershe’dliveordie,including me
“Iftheycutyouloose,they’llregretit Trustme”Heturnedtomyco-star,andshequicklyschooledherfrownintoasmile “YoumustbePriscilla?”
Sheleanedinandofferedhercheek.“I’vejustfinishedarunintheWestEnd.” “Congratulations.”
Patrickclappedhishandstogether “Thankstothedelaysattheairport,we’realreadyoveranhourbehind,solet’sfinish the intros and getto work Folks, meetChris Barnett he’ll be producingthe documentarythatruns alongside the play, and before we leftLA, we agreed to a distributiondeal withone ofthe streamingservices. Theywantthe whole package the play,bothendings,andthe‘Makingof.’Don’tplanongettingmuchsleepover thenextsixweeks.Feather hasputtogether a rehearsalschedule” Feather? “althoughthatneedstochangetoaccommodatethelosttime.”
Awaifwithanoseringandpinkhairstyledinapixiecutsteppedforward “Uh,Ialreadylaminatedthem” “Thenyou’llneedtolaminatemore.”
“Ormaybeyoucouldemailanupdate?”Isuggested.“Thinkingoftheplanetandeverything.” “Ineedahardcopy,”Priscillasaid.
Ofcourseshedid Guessshewasn’tmuchofaneco-warrior “Ifweallstayanextrahourtonight,wouldn’tthatputusbackontrack?”Isuggested Patrickshookhis head. “We’re goingout for dinner tonight, and the table is booked for eight. Movingon, this is Carla McIntyre.Carla’sapsychologistattachedtotheUniversityofCoastalCalifornia,andshe’llbewritingapaperontheimpactof demographicsonrelationshipdecisions. The Other Woman isn’tjustaplay,it’safascinatingstudyofthehumanpsyche,don’t youagree?Willanaudiencewithahigherpercentageofmenmakeadifferentdecisionthanoneskewedtowardwomen?Isage acontributingfactor?Howaboutrelationshipstatus?”
“Willpeoplewanttoanswerthosequestions?”Priscillaasked.
“It’sanimmersiveexperience.Onlythosewhofilloutthequestionnairewillbeeligibletovoteonthefinalact.”
“Audiencememberscanremaincompletelyanonymous,”Carlaexplained “Butiftheydochoosetoleavetheirdetails,one luckywinnerwillreceiveasignedcopyofthescriptattheendoftherun.”
“Whatiftheylie?”thesoundengineerasked.“Whenmywifeturnedforty,shestartedcountingbackward.”
“It’showapersonidentifiesthat’simportant.”
“You’re as old as the womanyoufeel,” Marc quipped, and everyone except Priscilla laughed But mylaughter quickly fadedasIreaddownthescheduleFeatherhandedme Patrickhadn’tbeenkiddingwhenhesaidourliveswouldbehisforthe nextsixweeks notthatIminded,becauseIneededtopaymyrent andIdidn’tlovetheideaofwalkinghomefromtheTube stationatmidnight.Andwait, I wasexpectedtogotodinnertonight?Thereitwasinblackandwhite: Icebreaker @ Sushi in the City (Patrick, Marc, Priscilla, Serena).Imean,Ihadn’tbeenlookingforwardtocooking,mainlybecausethemicrowave wasonesparkawayfromameltdown,butacosymealwithMarcdiGregoriohadneverbeenapartofmyplan Theknotof tensioninmystomachpulledtighter,buthadn’tIwantedthis?Hadn’tIwantedtobeseenwithMr Hollywood?
Patricksmackedhimontheback.“Thenyou’reperpetuallytwenty-one,buddy.”
“Twenty-five.Alittlematuritycanbesexy.”
Maturity?Seriously?Iwastwenty-six,andsomedays,IwasamazedImanagedtoputmyshoesontherightfeet.WhenIhit fifty,wouldIfinallyfeellikeagrown-up?Sometimes,beinganadultsucked Theresponsibilities,theexpectations,thebills If they ever did a remake of 13 Going on 30, then I was the girl for the role. Carla was studying Marc closely. Did her professionalcuriosityextendbeyondtheaudience?
Isurehopednot.Theideaofbeingscrutinisedbynotonlythefilmcrewandtheaudiencebutalsoawomanwhomightsee throughmyactmadethehairsonthebackofmyneckprickle
Aladyinasuitclearedherthroatandcuthereyestowardsthecameraman Shelookedlikealawyer Wasshealawyer? Imageconsultant?Themoralitypolice?Nobodyclarified,butPatrickcheckedhislaminatedscheduleandthenhiswatch. “ActOne,SceneOne.WeneedRichardandEliza.”
ouldIjustgetapicture?”aprettyredheadasked.
SushiintheCitywasatinysliceofJapaninLondon,nottoofarfromLeadenhallMarket Theonlypeoplewhocould affordtoeattherewereinvestmentbankersandthegenerationallywealthy I’dfoundthatoutayearagowhenachapImeton Tinderinsisteditwouldbetheperfectplaceforourfirstdate.Hespentthreecoursesandwinetellingmehowhewasallfor equality, thenexpected to split the bill right downthe middle. Whichwould have beenexpensive but understandable if he hadn’tpickedthepriciestbottleofredonthemenu,drunkthree-quartersofithimself,andthenwasheditdownwiththreeshots oftop-shelfsake Andalackofself-awarenesswastheleastofhisproblems
I cringed at the memory I’d only been staying in London for a few days, and all I’d wanted was some company, but insteadI’dendedupwalkingbacktomyhotelbecauseIcouldn’taffordtheTubefare.
At least tonight, the fancysettingand the mâitre d’-slash-samurai guardingthe door meant we hadn’t beenbothered too muchduringthemeal,notinpersonanyway Ithadbeenhardtomissthepeopletakingpictureswhiletheypretendedtocheck their phones, and one blonde had evendone a not-too-subtle TikToklive Butfinally, a diner had beenbrave enoughto ask Marcforanautograph,andthatopenedthefloodgates.Allthroughdessert,asteadystreamofpeoplehadsidleduptothetable, scraps of paper inhand. Marc tookthe requests withgood grace, and Patrickseemed happybecause, as he never stopped remindingus,nopublicitywasbadpublicity.Priscillahadbeenpricklyfromthemomentwesatdown,andherirritationonly increased as Marc posed for selfies Atfirst, Ithoughtshe was annoyed atthe constantinterruptions, butthenIrealised the oppositewastrue shewaspeevedthatsomebodyelsewasthecentreofattention Whenacoupleaskedhertotakeapicture ofthemwithMarcandme,sheclenchedherjawsohardIthoughtshe’dcrackatooth.
Thankfully,theredheadwasthelastoftheselfiehunters,andthistime,Iofferedtoplayphotographerbecauseaccordingto Feather’sschedule,Priscilladidn’thavetimeforemergencydentalwork.We’dberehearsingtwelvehoursadayforthenext twoweeks I’devenoverheardAndiwhisperingaboutbringingasleepingbagtoworkwithher “Isitalwayslikethis?”Iaskedwhentheredheadhadgonebacktohertable
“Once you become better known, yes,” Priscilla told me before Marc could get a word in edgeways. “Fame can be bittersweet.”Hadshepractisedthatcondescendingsmileinthemirror?“Perhapssomedayyou’llexperienceitforyourself.”
Intheplay,thetwoofuswererivals mycharacter,Alice,wasaparalegalwho’dbeenforcedoutofaCitylawfirmafter Elizahadtakenadisliketoher Andnowlifewasimitatingart I wanted tolikePriscillabecauseifweallgotalong,thenext sixweekswouldbeaheckofaloteasier.ButIwasstruggling. Supportcamefromanunexpectedsource.
“You’dbesurprisedhowmanypeopleinLAhaveheardofSerena,”Marcsaid,thenturnedtome.“Enjoythepeacewhile youcan Iftwenty-year-old me had realised whata blessinganonymitywas, I’d have spentmore time inthe grocerystore Hell,maybeI’dhavechosentoworkthere”
“Youdon’tlikeyourjob?”
“Ilovemyjob.Thebullshitthatcomeswithit?Notsomuch.”
“Promo’sanecessity,folks,”Patrickremindedus.“Evenapassionprojecthastocoveritscosts.” Andtherent Andtheaforementionedgroceries
Priscillabeamedathim.“I’mhappytodoallthepromoyouwant,Patrick.”
“Goodtohear.Inthisindustry,it’simportanttobeateamplayer.”
Ishouldhavevolunteeredaswell,Iknew Ishould,butIcouldn’tbringmyselftoutter thewords Fraud, fraud, fraud I didn’tevenlovemyjob I’djustaccidentallyfoundsomethingIwasgoodat,andforagirlwho’dbarelyscrapedthroughher A-levels,theatreschoolhadrepresentedthebestchanceofearningalivingwage.
I agonised over the “teamplayer” point while a server dressed as Hello Kittyslid bowls of mochi and a selectionof dorayaki pancakes infrontofus,butbeforeIcoulddecideonthebestcourseofaction,Feather materialisedbesidePatrick, iPadinhand Muchwhisperingtookplace IheardMarc’snamementionedandsomethingaboutatape Myphonebuzzed.
“CallJessica,”Patrickinstructed,thengavehisheadalittleshake.“Bro,youmadeatape?” Myphonebuzzedagain.
“Atape?”
“WithSoreen?”
Soreen? Accordingto celebgossip.com, Soreenwas the name of Marc’s ex-girlfriend. I distinctlyremembered that fact becauseitwasalsothenameoftheUK’sfavouritebrandofmaltloaf,andwhoonGod’sgreenearthwouldnametheirchild that?
“Sure,wedidafewread-throughs”
Icouldn’tstand itanylonger. Nobodywas payingme the slightestbitofattentionanyway, so Islid the phone outofmy pocketandglancedatthemessages.
MARISSA
Haveyouseenthis?
VIOLA
OMGthatstudishung!
“Notthatkindoftape,youjackass,”Patricksaid “Asextape”
Priscillabegancoughing Goodgrief,didshealwayshavetobesomelodramatic?
“Oh, that tape.Soreensaidshedeletedit.”
“Well,shedidn’t.It’salloverBuzzHub.”
“Doesmydicklookgood?”
NowitwasPatrick’sturntobemelodramatic Hethunkedhisheadonthetableandgroaned,althoughthegroanwasbarely audibleoverPriscilla’sretching.Waitasecond…Wassheactuallychoking?
Flipping heck, she’d gone bright red, and if Patrick lost another cast member, he’d probably lose his mind as well. Thankfully,Liamhadbeenanenthusiasticmedicalstudent,andIknew allaboutabdominalthrusts.Ileaptup,squeezedhard, andapieceofdorayakipancakelandedinthewaterjug
Holy forking shirtballs We’d already had a sex scandal and a near-death experience, and this was only day one of rehearsals.
Twentyminutes later, Priscilla had beenloaded into the backofanambulance, whichshe didn’tneed butinsisted upon anyway.Featherhadgonewithher.Iwasn’tcertainwhetherthatwasbecausePatrickthoughtPriscillamightneedassistanceor becauseFeatherhadstartedhyperventilatingatthenewsofDickgate Patrickhadbeentextingfuriouslysinceherdeparture,but now he’dswitchedtopacingnear thebar,mutteringtosomeoneonthephone Marcwasspooningmeltedicecreamintohis mouth.Me?IwastryingtodecidewhethertoclickonthelinkMarissahadsent.Imean,itwasundoubtedlypooretiquetteto watchacolleaguedoingthenastyontheinternet,butIwasonlyhuman.Andfemale.Andhellacurious.
“Youseemremarkablyrelaxedaboutthis,”IsaidtoMarc.“Ithoughtyouweren’tkeenonpublicscrutiny?” “Can’tputthegeniebackinthebottle Icaneitheracceptthesituationorhaveanervousbreakdown Stressagesyou,did youknowthat?”
Yes,Idid.MyfirstwrinklehadappearedaftertheCarrieincident.Moreofafrownline,really,butI’driskedBotoxafter
snidecommentsfromsomeofthegirlsattheatreschool
“Iguesswe’reabouttotestPatrick’s‘nopublicityisbadpublicity’hypothesis.”Iglancedacrosstothebar,wherehewas stillpacing “Heseemsmoreupsetthanyoudo”
Marcshrugged.“He’sprobablytryingtoworkouthowhecanleveragethisintoarunonBroadway.”
“Seriously?”
“Thatwasalwayshisgoal,butnobodywantedtotakeachanceonaconceptlikethisone.”Marcfinishedhislastmouthful anddroppedthespoonintothebowl “Weshouldgetsomesleep Doyouhavearidehome?”
“I’lljusttaketheTube”
“Isthatsafe?”
“Yes?”
“Youdon’tsoundcertain.We’llgiveyouaride.”
AndhavehimseethehovelIwaslivingin?Nothanks
“Honestly,I’llbefine”
“Atleastletmefindyouacab.”
AdmittingtoMarcdiGregoriothatIcouldn’treallyaffordacabwouldbeworsethanusingmycreditcardtopayforone, soInoddedmyagreement.
“Thanks,Iappreciateit”
Marcdidcover dinner,whichwasonelessexpense,plusheheldthedoor openfor measweexitedtherestaurant.That littletouchonthesmallofmybackwasjusthimbeingfriendly,right?Dittoforthepeckonthecheekashehelpedmeintoa blackcab.I’dknownhimforlessthantwenty-fourhours,andhealreadyhadmystomachtiedinknots.Thiswasn’tmyworld. SerenaCarlisledidn’tdooff-setdrama
Myphonebuzzedagainasthecabpulledaway,andIthoughtitwouldbeanothermessagefromViola,butno,mybrother had added me to the school reuniongroup. I clicked on the link, more to stop myself fromclickingon the other link than anythingelse.FindingoutthatAnnetteSumnerhadmarriedalawyerwassomuchmorecivilisedthancheckingoutthesizeof Marc’sanatomy.
Thereunionball hadaValentine’s theme,hearts andflowers Oneoftheorganisers saidthevenuewas halfthepriceon February fourteenth probably because all the normal people were squashed into restaurants at tables for two so they’d decidedtospreadtheloveandmakeitacombinedevent.Yeuch.Iscrolledthroughtheupdates,thebragging,thegossip,the commentsaskingpeopleiftheyweregoingtotheparty.
Thenmyheartstuttered.
Pete Wilkins: Piper, are you going?
Piper? That had beenone of Owen’s old nicknames He was inthe group? Almost unconsciously, myhand went to my necklace.Itwasn’tanythingfancy,justaplasticgummybear onwaxedcord,butI’dwornitever sincehegaveittome.I’d beensixteenandmiserable,dreadingmyparents’disappointmentaftercollectingaDinmyGCSEmathsmock,butOwenhad alwaysfoundawaytomakemesmile.
Here’s a little bear hug for when you ’ re feeling blue. Because bears are tough and so are you.
The necklace had come witha card, and now I slid it out of mywallet and studied the words, the edges wornfroma decade ofbeingcarried around. Yes, I’d survive. I’d getthroughthe nextsixweeks, no matter how muchcrap gotslungmy way
Anewcommentappeared
Owen Cadwallader: Don’t call me that if you want me to answer. Owenwasstickingupforhimself?Fifteenyearsago,he’dacceptedthenickname,eventhoughhehatedit.Likeme,he’d alwaystriedtoflyundertheradar,butafterhewonalocalcontestbyrecitingpito2,736decimalplaces,thenewmonikerhad
beeninevitable. The Pied Piper. Hismumsaideveryonewasjustjealousofhismathematical ability,butIthoughttheywere jealous thathe also wona year’s supplyofpie fromSweetTreats, which, let’s face it, was the bestprize ever. We used to swingbythebakeryeverydayafterschooltocollecthisgoodies
Pete Wilkins: Sorry, forgot you had a sense-of-humour bypass. Owen Cadwallader: Or maybe none of your jokes were funny.
Iclicked onOwen’s profile, buthe’d locked itdown. Eventhe picture wasn’tofhim itwas a pi symbol. Ajoke? All throughourteenageyears,he’dbeenoh-soseriousinpublic,buthehadadeliciouslydarksenseofhumourhiddenawaywhere feweversawit Myfingerhoveredoverthe“addfriend”button,butintheend,Iclosedtheapp Sometimes,itwasbettertoletthepaststayinthepast.
“Haveyouseenthelatest?”ViolademandedthemomentIpickedupthephone.
“Whattimeisit?”Igroaned
“Like,tenpm?”
Tenp.m.inLA?Dammit!Whyhadn’tmyalarmgoneoff?
Probably because you forgot to set it, idiot.
“I’mlate.”
“Lateforwhat?”
“Rehearsal.”
“Isn’tit,like,sixa.m.overthere?”
“Yes,butwe’restartingearly.”
“Andyouhadalatenight,right?”
“Notstupidlylate Iwashomebyelevenand Wait,howdoyouknowIhadalatenight?”
“Becauseit’sallovertheinternet?Ican’tbelieveyouwentonadatewithMarcdiGregorioandyoudidn’ttellme.What happenedto‘sistersbeforemisters’?”
“What?WhywouldyouthinkIwentonadatewithMarc?”
“Becauseyouwerelookingcosyoverdinner?Becausehehadhishandonyourass?Becausehekissedyou?”
“What?Noneofthat’strue”
“Therearepictures.”
IgrabbedmyiPadandtypedmynameintothesearchbar,andohmygosh…Violawasn’tkidding.Therewerepicturesof Marcandmefromlastnight,dozensofthem,allcarefullycroppedtomakethemlooklikesomethingtheyweren’t.Patrickand Priscilla had disappeared fromthe table, the angle carefullyselected to make Marc and me appear closer together thanwe actuallyhad been Ditto for the snap as we leftthe restaurant His hand had definitelybeenonmyback, butnow itlooked lower.AndthepeckonthecheekasIclimbedintothecabseemedsomuchmoreintimate,probablybecauseIhadmyfreaking eyesclosed.
“We went for a ‘get to know eachother’dinner withPatrickand Priscilla, but thenPriscilla ended up inhospital, and Patrickhadameltdown,andthisisallfreakinglies WhatamImeanttodo?”
“Uh,breathingmightbeagoodidea?”
Isuckedinair.“Imeantaboutthewholesituation.ShouldIwritesomethingonsocialmedia?”
“No!Ifyoudenyit,thenpeoplewillonlybelieveitmore.”
“SoIsitbackandleteveryonethinkI’mdatingaserialwomaniser?”
“Imean,thingscouldbeworse AtleastMarcdiGregorioishot”
“Viola,hejustputoutasextape!”
“Technically,Ithinkhisex-girlfriendwastheonewhoreleasedit.Hellhathnofurylikeawomanscorned,right?Although he’sdefinitelygonnacomeouttheothersidelookingbetterthanshedoes.”
“Youthink?”
“EveryoneknowsSoreenMickelhoffisanattentionseeker She’salreadyrecordedanepisodeforherpodcast,andIhear
she’s booked on three talk shows this week so far. Have you watched the tape? There’s not a woman on this planet who wouldn’twantMarcdiGregoriolickingher ”
“Please,it’stooearlyforthis”Istruggledtomyfeetandswayedforasecond Morningsshouldbeillegal
“Hemightbeasexaddict,butatleasthe’sgoodatit.Areyousureyou’renotdating?”
“IthinkI’dknowifwewere.”
Although…DidLibbySieberreadthegossipcolumns?
“Butmaybe there’s a chance? Youguys have chem-is-try Itshines throughinthe video” There was a video? Crap ona cracker “True,hisrelationshipslastabouttwoweeks,max,butitwouldhelpoutwiththewholedryspell,wouldn’tit?How longhasitbeen?Overayear,right?Whowasthatguywhogruntedashecame?Dan?Don?”
“I’mgoingtohangupnow.”
“Call me if anything happens. Promise me. I can’t believe you’re in every gossip column and I’mfive thousand miles away”
“Gotosleep”
“HowcanIsleep?”
“TrytakingBenadryl.”
“Thedrugstoreclosedanhourago.Lifeofficiallysucks you’rehangingoutwithMarcdiGregorioandIhavetocampout indeepestWyoming”
“That‘endofcivilisation’movie?”
“Deathbykillerfungus.Ionlyhopethere’sindoorplumbing.”
Itossedthephoneontothebedandsaggedagainstthewall.Asextape?Goodgrief.Nothinglikethishadeverhappenedon Whispers in Willowbrook Theclosestwe’dcometoascandalwaswhenJohnHillier,whoplayedmyboss,gotarrestedfor drink-drivingafterherear-endedapolicecarataroundabout Exceptitturnedouthewasn’treallydrunk he’djusthadabad reactiontohishayfevermedicationandgotdisorientated.Luckily,nobodywasseriouslyhurt.
Butthiskindofrumour-gossip-scandal?Itwasinawholeotherleague.IwaswayoutofmydepthwithThe Other Woman, andIwouldn’tbeabletocomeupforairforsixlong,longweeks.
“Howareyoufeeling?”IaskedPriscilla.
“Fine”
IfI’dexpectedgratitudeforunblockingherairway,I’dbeensorelymistaken Priscillaseemedmoreannoyedwithmethan anythingelse.Shedidn’tseemtohaveanissuewithMarc,though.Today,thetwoofthemwererunningthroughtheir scenes firstwhileIwatchedandlearnedanddesperatelytriedtogetintoAlice’shead.
“Howare you feeling?”Carlaasked,slidingintotheseatnexttome.
Great Ashrink ThatwasthelastthingIneeded
“Areyouaskingoutofprofessionalcuriosityorconcernformywell-being?” Shelaughed.“Can’titbeboth?”
“I’mnotthrilledtohavepeopletakingpicturesofmeallthetime,”Iadmitted.
“Whyisthat?”
“BecauseIvaluemyprivacy”
“Andyetyouchoseacareerthatputyouinthepubliceye.”
“Bitofamistake,that.”
“Wasit?Onecouldarguethatyourcareerisgoingfromstrengthtostrength.”
Onecould,ifonetreatedthegossipragsasnon-fiction Yetsomehow,Iwasstilllivingaloneinaone-bedflatinthearse endoftown
“I’mhardlyamegastar.I’mjusttryingtopaythebillslikeeveryoneelse,andactingistheonlythingIwasanygoodat.”
“Ifyoucouldturnbacktheclock,wouldyoutakeadifferentpath?”
“I I’mnotsure”Nobodyhadeveraskedmethatbefore EveryonejustassumedIwashappy “There’sonemoment I guessyoucouldsayitwasadefiningmoment thatIwishIcoulderase.Andifthatdayhadbeendifferent,Ithinkmywhole lifewouldhavebeendifferent.Butwhatdoesitmatter?I’mapawninagameofchess.Nobackwards,onlyforwards.”
Carlaleanedincloser.“It’snotabreachofethicstotellyouthatyourcolleaguesdon’tthinkofthemselvesaspawns.Bea queeninstead,andthenyoucanmoveanywhereyouplease”
“It’snotthateasy”
“Onlyifyounevertry.”
“Areyouapsychologistoralifecoach?”
“Both.Coachingpaysthebills,butresearchismypassion.”
Whatwas mypassion? Ididn’thave one, notunless youcounted M&S profiteroles, whichwasn’tanaddictionI’d ever admittoininterviews No,Ijustsaid“myworkis mypassion”orsomethingelsesuitablytrite “I’llgiveitsomethought.”
Carlamerelysmiledandopenedherlaptop.
Be a queen.
IheldontothatthoughtduringmyfirstscenewithMarc,andnomatterhowmuchofacarcrashhispersonallifewas,the mancouldact IfIhadn’treadthescriptandlistenedtoPatrick’sdirections I want to feel the heat, people Let the sparks fly ImighthavereallybelievedthatMarcwasintome.Theinitialmeeting,thecosylunchourcharacterssharedasRichard’s apologyforknockingAlicedowninthestreet,thewayhishandlingeredonmyarmashefinagledhernumber.
ThenIwasintoamonologue,acallfromAlicetoherbestfriend.Shegushedovermeetingagreatguyandpuzzledoverthe factthattherewassomethingfamiliarabouthim,butshecouldn’tquiteputherfingeronwhat Hisface?Hismannerisms?He’d deniedmeetingherbefore,somaybeshewasimaginingit?Herexcitementthatlovemightbejustaroundthecornerfeltreal,as didthehorrorwhenAlicefinallyrealisedwhereshe’dseenhim.SmilingfromthephotoonEliza’sdesk.
Herex-boss’sdesk.
Thedeskofthewomanwho’dfiredher.
Thehonourablethingwouldhavebeenforhertowalkaway,buttheheatinherveinswarredwiththeprospectofstonecoldrevenge Elizahadruinedherlife,sowhynotreturnthefavour?
PerhapsIwasbiased,butIbelievedIhadthehardestjoboutofthethreeofus.Richard’sheartwouldbattleagainsthis sense of morality, but the ultimate decision lay with the audience. Would they choose Eliza or Alice? Eliza was a career womanwhosesenseofworthdependeduponherprofessionalachievements.Workcamebeforeherpersonallife.Shewasthe breadwinner, the provider, generous withmoneybut not withtime How manypeople would see a reflectionof their own relationshipinRichardandEliza?
Alicewasthemistress,society’sdirtylittlesecret.Evenafterdreamsofrevengeturnedintogenuineaffection,wouldthe audience thejudgeandjury allowlovetowinoveraring?WouldtheyreactpositivelytothechemistrybetweenAliceand Richard?
Onlytimewouldtell Time.
Wehadlessthantwoweeksuntilthecurtainwentup.
Thatnight,Ilayinbed,wildthoughtsrunningthroughmymindasIlistenedtoidiotsarguingoutsidethekebabshopbelow.But insteadofthinkingofonemanwhohadnobusinessbeinginmyhead,Ifoundmyselfthinkingoftwo.MarcandOwen.Onea workcolleaguewhomademythighsclenchalloftheirownaccord,theothertheboyI’dbeensecretlyinlovewithandthen lostbecause,justforonce,I’dgonewithmyheartratherthanmyhead.
Marc’slegalteamhadgotthesextapebanned,butashe’dsaidyesterday,youcouldn’tputthegeniebackinthebottle.As fastas the videos gotpulled down, more copies sprangup intheir place. Soreenclaimed to be a victimtoo someone had stolenherphone,shesaid DidIbelieveher?Notevenalittlebit Thosetearswereoverthetop,andifshe’dgonetothesame theatreschoolasIdid,she’dhavefailedtheimmersiveperformanceclassforsure
Marchadpostedadiplomaticstatement writtenbyJessica,theplay’spublicist expressingdisappointmentthataprivate momenthadbeenexploitedandsympathyforpoorSoreen’splight.Inprivate,he’dbeenroyallypissedwithher,buthehadto playthe game. We all did. Elegant swans onthe surface, feet furiouslypaddlingbeneaththe water to stayafloat. Although perhapsIwasmoreofaduck
Sleepeludedme,andIspentfarmoretimegooglingthewholeaffairthanIshouldhave,atthesametimethankingthestars thatIwasn’tthemainsubjectoftonight’sgossip.Clearly,thepaparazzihadcometotheirsensesandrealisedtherewasnoway Marc would date a girl like me. Whenthe articles started rehashingthe same old rubbish, mymind wandered to the other upcomingclownshow, and Ichecked inonthe reuniongroup. This time, someone more polite had asked Owenifhe’d be attending His answer? Probably not Two tiny words, but I wasn’t prepared for the rush of emotion when I read them Disappointmentcamefirstbecauseifhewasn’tthere,Icouldn’t“accidentally”runintohim,couldI?Buttherewasalsorelief, becausenow therewasnoreasonformetogotowhatAnnetteSumnerhaddubbedthe“Valentunion.”Instead,Icouldspend mysecondeveningoffreedomaftertheplayfinisheddecompressinginmyownbed,hopefullywithasuccessfulshowtoadd tomyactingrésumé NomoreMarc,nomorePriscilla MaybethewritersofWhispers in Willowbrook wouldbeimpressedby mysuccessandDetectiveCartwrightwouldbefoundalive?ThenIcouldgobacktomyregular,boringlifeandneverdarken Hollywood’sdoorstepagain.
Ishouldhaveturnedoffmyphone.
Ishouldhaveclosedmyeyesandcountedsheep.
Butlikeafool,Ikeptdoom-scrolling HayleeJacobswasofferinganyonegoingtothereunionatwentypercentdiscountin her salon Hair andaesthetics Ishuddered after myforayinto the world ofBotox, whichhadleftmyface ever so slightly wonkyforsixfreakingmonths,I’dvowedtogrowoldnaturally.
Melinda Jones: Is Jonny Versey still in prison?
What?Jonnyhadgonetoprison?Wow.Theteachershadvotedhim“Mostlikelytosucceed”intheend-of-yearassembly, althoughIsuspectedtheyweren’tawareheusedtosellbaggiesofweedbehindthebikeshedatlunchtime Iquicklygoogled him Oh It seemed he had been quite the entrepreneur Right up until the moment a police dog pulled him out of his Lamborghinibytheseatofhispants,he’drunthebiggestdrugsringinSurrey.
Rebecca Feltonwas usingthe opportunitytotryandflogscentedcandles toa captive audience,andhalfa dozenpeople hadleftsnottycommentstellingheritwasn’tthetimeortheplace.KatieBriggswantedtobuyacandle.ArthurWillisposteda picture ofa yachtinthe Caribbeanand said he couldn’tmake the reunionbecause he was goingonholiday His sister told everyonethathe’dbespendingaweekinacaravaninBognor,andHarveyYorathranareverseimagesearchandfoundthe yachtactuallybelongedtoaRussianoligarch.
Spyingonmyoldschoolmatesthiswayfeltweird.Atouchvoyeuristic,butoddlysatisfying.
Pepper Collins: Has anyone heard from Serena Carlisle? Is she coming?
Should Ibe flattered thatsomeone had remembered Iexisted or uncomfortable thattheywere talkingaboutme? Pepper CollinshadbeenfriendlywithLibby,sodefinitelythelatter.
Owen Cadwallader: After what you and Libby did to her at the school prom? I seriously doubt it.
Pepper Collins: I was only asking
Owen Cadwallader: How about you try apologising instead?
Afteralltheseyears,aftereverythingthathadhappened,Owenwasstilldefendingme?Itriedtoswallowthelumpinmy
throat,butitstubbornlystayedstuck.Wedgedfirm.Iwantedtoreachoutandhughimthroughthescreen,buttheonlythingI coulddowashitthe“like”button.ThenIplacedthephoneface-downonthecardboardboxthatservedasanightstand,closed myeyes,andtossedandturnedthewholenight
BeforeImetMarcdi Gregorio,Iusedtowonder how hecouldendupwithadifferentwomanonhis armeveryweek. Yes,hewasarich,handsomemoviestar,butmoneywasn’teverything,wasit?Lookswouldfade,andfamewasapain inthearse,evenheadmittedthat Butthemomenthislipstouchedmine,Iknew MarckissedlikeCasanovacrossedwithademon.Hegrippedthebackofmyneckwithonehand,andtheothersqueezed mybehind as a cloud ofpheromones settled over me and threatened to steal the air frommylungs. Fire zipped throughmy veins. Althoughthe scriptdidn’tstrictlycall for it, mylips parted, and the crew faded awayas his tongue slipped into my mouth The intensity of Richard and Alice’s first kiss wasn’t the only surprise No, the sensation of Marc’s A-list cock hardeningagainstmystomachshockedthehelloutofme.
“Let’skeepitlegal,folks,”Patrickcalled,andwhenIopenedmyeyes,Carlawasfanningherselfbesidehim.Priscillahad afacelikeathundercloud,andFeather’smouthwashangingopen.Oops.
“IknewtherewasareasonItookthisjob,”Marcmurmuredagainstmylips “BecauseyouwantedtoexploreLondon?”
“Somethinglikethat.I’mabigfanofexploring,butIthoughtyouwereasmall-towngal?”
Wait,didhemean…?Heflexedhiships,andholymacaroni hewascomingontome,thehornybastard. “Iwastalkingaboutthehistoryandthearchitecture.Areyoualwaysthisinappropriate?”
“Mostly,yeah”
“Youknowtherewasawholemovementaboutharassmentintheactingindustry?Lawsuits,op-eds,theworks” “Ifyou’refeelingharassed,youmightwanttoconsidertakingyourhandoffmyass.”
Dammit!IletgoasifI’dbeenburned.
“Sorry.”
“Fortherecord,thatwasn’tanobjection”
Patrickclearedhisthroat “Thisisgreatmethodacting,butweneedtorehearsethenextscene” WhichwasPriscilla’sscene,notmine,butMarckepthisarmaroundmywaistforabeatlonger. “Tobecontinued,”hewhispered,tooquietlyforanyonebutmetohear.
Myjellylegs threatened to give waywhenhe let go, thenthe heat turned frosty, and not onlybecause of the ice picks shootingfromPriscilla’s eyes No, itwas Owenwho dumped the bucketofcold water over me Notliterally, because he’d neverdothat,buthe’dsentmeamessageearlier,andthememoryofithadthesameeffect. Justoneline.
How are you?
Istillhadn’treplied WhatonearthwasImeanttosay?
Oh, I’m great! Apart from the fact that I found a cockroach in the shower this morning, and I’m eighty percent certain the guy in the flat next door is a drug dealer. Also, I have this weird love-hate thing going on with my co-star, who’s definitely an asshole but also really hot. And my other co-star hates me. So does my overdraft. I’ve barely slept in a week, and I’m terrified of screwing up in front of a live audience
“You’reintheway,”Priscillatoldme
“Sorry.”
“Andthere’snoneedfortongues.We’reinaplay,notanadultmovie.”
“Ididn’trealisetherewererules”
“That’s because you’re not a serious actress. What theatre experience do you have? Just a few bit parts in regional productions?”
Mypalmitchedtoslapher,andmaybeIwouldhaveifIhadn’tnoticedPatrick’sslygrinashewatchedusbickering.Many, manytimes,I’dwonderedwhyhe’dpickedmetoplayAlice,butsuddenlyitall madesense Lifeimitatedart Priscillaand Elizawerebothbitchyandserious,andwhethershewantedRichardornotwasn’timportant What was important?Shedidn’t wantme tohavehim.AndtherewasasparkbetweenMarcandme,justastherewasaninstantattractionbetweenRichardand Alice.
Awkward.
Ididn’twanttolikeMarc AndIwasn’tevensureIdidlikehim,nothispersonalityanyway Butmybodyrespondedtohis inawayIcouldn’tcontrol Thatterrifiedme Ididn’tdoflings.
Idefinitelydidn’tdoflingswithcolleagues.
AndIabsolutelydefinitelydidn’tdoflingswithA-listcolleaguesinthemidstofasex-tapescandal.
Buthotdamn,Violawasright MarcdiGregoriowashung Videoscouldbefaked,butI’dfelttheevidenceformyself Carlaofferedmeherpaperfan.“Here,youlookasifyouneedthismorethanIdo.”
“It’sthatobvious?”
“WhenIfirstdiscussedthisprojectwithPatrickandreadthescript,Ithoughttherewasatwenty-fivepercentchancethat the audience would pick Alice over Eliza, but I’m flipping that on its head Too bad there’s no reliable way to quantify personality”
HowwasIsupposedtorespondtothat?
I’m sorry I made Marc hard; I didn’t mean to. “Uh,willthathaveanegativeimpactonyourstudy?”
“No, because the study is about relativity Same actors, different audience demographics But from a professional standpoint,Ifindthepersonalityaspectfascinating”Shegavemeasidewaysglance “Bothonandoffstage” “IfeelasifI’minagoldfishbowl,”Iadmitted.
“Attimeslikethis,it’simportanttostaygrounded.Keeptalkingtoyourfamilyandfriends.Don’tgetcaughtupinaworld that’snotreal.”
Carla’s words hitanerve Ididn’thavemanyfriends,onlyViolareally,andIwasn’tgoingtodisturbLiamandMarissa whiletheywereonholiday Myyoungestbrother,Heath,stillhadsixmonthsleftinthearmy unlesshedecidedtoreenlist whichleftmyparents.Mydaddidn’ttalkmuchatall,andifIcalledMum,I’dnevergetoffthephone.Thetwoofthemwere planningtodriveupfromDevontowatchmeinthefinal show,andI’dhavetobegMarcnottogetquitesoheatedorshe’d startdroppinghintsaboutweddingbells.Mymumwasconvincedthateveryonewasdestinedtohaveahappyending,thatthere was a soulmate waitinginthe wings, butIdidn’tshare her optimism Infact, sometimes her cheerfulness made me wantto jumpoffacliff.
“I’lltrytostaygrounded,”IpromisedCarla. MaybethatwaswhyIpulledoutmyphoneandmessagedOwen.Theoldfriendmyhearthadneverforgotten.
Me: I’m good, thanks!In London, rehearsing for a play How are you?
Ifiguredhe’dtakeafewhourstoreply,butthemessagecamealmostimmediately
Owen Cadwallader: Also in London working. How are the rehearsals going?
HewasinLondon?Myemotionswereallovertheplacethisweek,buttheweirdmixofnervesandreliefwasnew.Owen wasclose.Notcloseenoughtotouch,butjustknowinghewasinthesamecitygavemeastrangesenseofcomfort.
Me: Intense We’ve got less than two weeks until opening night, so we ’ re here from dawn till dusk What do you do now? Are your plans for world domination working out?
Itwasanoldjokebetweenus.Owenhadbeenthegeniuswhowantedtochangetheworld forgood,obviously while I’dofferedtobehisglamoroussidekickaslongasIgotabadasscostume.
Owen Cadwallader: I head up the operations team for the UK arm of a software company Plans for world domination are currently on hold, but we do keep a lot of data safe.
Me: Software? I could have done with you three months ago when I clicked on a link to upgrade my laptop browser and ended up with three thousand ads for Viagra.
Owen Cadwallader: Did you take it to a specialist?
Me: No, I turned it off and put it in a drawer Andithadbeenlanguishingthereeversince,justonemorethingIdidn’thavetheenergytodealwith.
Owen Cadwallader: Want me to take a look? What?
Coulditreallybethateasy?Wehadn’tspokenineightyears,andalthoughadayhadn’tpassedwithoutmethinkingabout him,I’dbeentoonervoustogetintouch Nowhewasactingasifeverythingwerenormalbetweenus?Asifourfirstsort-ofdatehadn’tendedindisaster?AsifIhadn’tbeencartedoffcryinginhandcuffs? No,itcouldn’tbethateasy.Thestarsneveralignedthatwayforme.
Me: If you ’ re willing, I could courier it to you? I’d be happy to pay for your time Nothing Noresponse.
Istaredatthephonefortenwholeminutes,willinganotificationtopopup,butthescreenremainedstubbornlyblank. AndthenitwastimetogoandkissMarcdiGregorioagain.
“OMG!Tellmehe’sagoodkisser?”
Viola’sperkinessphysicallypainedmeatsixo’clockinthemorning,especiallywhenI’dhadnosleep “Who?”
“Howmanymenhaveyoubeenkissing?”
“Onlyone,”Imumbled.“Andinapurelyprofessionalcapacity.”
“Doesn’tlookthatprofessionaltome.”
“Huh?”
“Therearepictures,babes.Everywhere.”
Iscrabbled for myiPad and quicklyfound Viola wasn’tkidding. Marc and Iwere frontand centre oneverygossip site, lockedinapassionateclinch.Theimageshadbeencroppedsotherestofthecastandcrewweren’tvisible.
“Someoneleakedphotosfromyesterday’srehearsal”
“Oh,peoplealwaysdothat Butstill,they’re hawt ”
“NobodyleakedpicturesfromWhispers in Willowbrook. ”
“NoneoftheactorsinWhispers looklikeMarcdiGregorio.Aretherumourstrue?Iheardheoftengetsjiggywithhiscostars.”
“Viola!”
“What?”
“He’sbeenperfectlypleasant.”
“But?”sheprodded.
“Butwhat?”
“Isensea‘but’coming”
“But I’mconfused”
“Confusedhow?”
“There’schemistry,everyonetellsusthere’schemistry,andIthinkIevenfeltit.ButthenOwenmessagedme,anditwasas ifsomeonehaddunkedmeinavatofice.”
“Owen?”
“Owenwhousedtolivenextdoor.”
“Ohmigosh!Owenthegeekwhosentasolicitortorescueyoufromjail?”
“IprefertothinkofhimasOwenwhosavedmefromfailingGCSEmaths.OrOwenwhousedtobringmegummybears wheneverIfeltmiserable”
Owenwho “borrowed” his dad’s car to pickme up fromschool whenitwas rainingso Iwouldn’thave to walk Owen whofelloutofatreetryingtosneakintomybedroomwithicecreamwhenIwasgrounded.Owenwhowadedthroughmudto rescuemybootafterthelacescameundone.Owenwhogavemepiggybackshomefromthepub thepubweweren’tsupposed tobein whenmyfeetgottired.
We’dbeenfriends,goodfriends,maybe evenbestfriends,butthere hadalways beena cloudhangingover us Yes,he’d livednextdoorinthevillageofFairoaks,butweweren’tequals Hisfamilyownedabeautifullyrestoredfarmhouse,whilemy
familysquashedintooneoftheoldfarmcottages.I’dscrapedintoFairoaksGrammarbytheskinofmyteeth,andhewasinthe topsetforeverything.HisparentsthoughtIwasabadinfluence.Whichwasprobablytrue.
“Gummybears?Aw,that’ssosweet Whatdidhesay?Areyougoingtoseehim?”
“No,buthedidoffertotakealookatmydufflaptop,whichisgreat,isn’tit?IsaidI’dcourierittohim.Youknow,afterI getbackhome.”
“I’msorry,what?”
“Hedoessomekindofsoftwarestuffnow Figures Imean,hewasalwaysintocomputersatschool”
“You’reabloodyidiot”
“Huh?”
“You’regoingto courier your laptop?”
“Yes?”
He’d eventually replied yesterday, five minutes before midnight, and he’d sent me his office address HC Systems in Hertfordshire I’d googled the place, and it was just a brick-and-glass building on an industrial estate, nothing like Scaramanga’sislandlair.
“Serena, you might not be able to see me right now, but you should know that I’msmacking my forehead. I should be smackingyours.”
“What?Why?”
“He offered to fixyour laptop so youwould bringitto him. Personally Sheesh, ifyoutookGSCE how-to-understanddudes,you’dgetabigfatF.”
“But…but…whywouldhesuddenlywanttoseeme?He’savoidedmeforyears.”
“Ittakestwototango You’veavoidedhimtoo”
“Onlybecauseheignoredmefirst Isentthatmessage,remember?”ThedayafterIgotreleasedfromjail,Ihadn’tfeltupto speaking,butI’dtypedoutalong,heartfelttextsayinghowsorryIwasthathe’dgotcoveredinwhatturnedouttobeamixture ofredpaintandpigblood.Libby’sdadhadownedthelocalbutcher’sshop.“Heneverreplied.”
“Somaybehejustneededtimetocooloff.”
“Eightyears?”
“Messagehimbackandsayyou’lldeliverthelaptoppersonally” “Areyousure?”
“Trustme.”
“LasttimeItrustedyou,Iendedupsinging‘Copacabana’onstagewithabunchofdragqueens.”
“Thedragqueenswereawesome Comeon,admitit Youhadagreattime” “Ididn’thaveagreathangover”
“Just message Owen, and make sure you give him your number.” Viola giggled, and I heard another voice in the background.“Igottago.”
“Doyouhaveaguywithyou?”
“Serena,meetTrent Trent,meetSerena” Adeepvoicemumbled,“Hi.” “Uh,hello.”
ThenViolacameback.“Gohookupwithatleastoneofyouradmirers,babes.It’sbeentoolong.”
Ugh,thiswasyetanothernewpartofthe“fame”experience.Tonight,I’dbeenfollowedhome,orrather,backtothehorrorofa flatabove the kebabshop Embarrassmentwarredwithirritation,andembarrassmentwon Tomorrow,the internetwouldbe full of pictures of me fighting with the temperamental door lock while two barely clothed women staggered past, singing
