“W
ho will it be, Ever? Robbie or Eric?” Alistair’s voice is ice cold, slicing through the thick, musty air of the underground ritual chamber I’mshivering, trembling, quaking Myskinis stickywithStanley’s blood and Charlie’s cumdrippingdownmyinnerthighs.Ipressthemtogether,wishingtheywouldletmecoverup,butIcan’tbecausemy clotheshavebeenrippedtoshredsbyBen IneverthoughtI’dfeelsoexposed,soraw Themetallicscentclingstome,acruel reminderofeverythingthathashappened.HowdidIgethere?
“Ever?”Alistairpromptsagain,thegleaminhisblueeyessharpasthebladehe’sholdingouttome.
Ican’tkillanyone Mymind’sscreaming,butmyvoiceisahostage,burieddeepinside IglanceatRobbieandthenEric, bothrestrainedlikeanimalsforslaughter.Mystomachtwistsintoknots,andIwanttopuke,toscream,torun.Butmyfeetare lead,andmyvoiceisgone
Damienmoves,adarkshadowdetachingitselffromthewall.Hehasbeennoticeablyabsentfrom...everythingandpartof mewonderswhy Hiseyes,thosestormygreypools,neverleavemineashetakestheknifefromAlistair There’snohesitation inhismotion,nodoubtinhisgrip.Heknowsexactlywhathe’sdoing,anditscaresthehelloutofme.
“Ever.”Damien’spresenceisintenseandbrooding,andrightnow,it’sallfocusedonme.Hisblackhairseemstoabsorb thedimlight,andhispaleskinmakeshimlooklikesomeavengingangel ormaybethatshouldbethedevil senttotestme Damien’s hand, ice-cold and unshakeable, clasps mine. The knife, a sliver of light inthis hellishdark, presses into my palm “Decide,”hewhispers,soclosehisbreathisaghostalongmyneck
“Damien,Ican’t.”Thewordstumbleout,trippingoverthesobsthatwanttofollow.“Thisisn’tme.Please.”
Hislightgreyeyessearchmine.“Youhaveto.”
“Please,”Ibegagain,shakinglikealeafinastorm.“Ican’thavetheirbloodonmyhands.” “Ever,”heinsists,hisvoicelow,“choose.”
Damien’s fingers wrap tighter around mine, unforgivingas steel cables Itryto wrenchaway, buthe’s a force ofnature, immovable.Withhisotherhandatmyback,avoidingthewounds,heguidesmeforward,closertoRobbie,whoisbeingheld byCharlienowwhileBenhasEric,theireyeswidewithterror “Stop,” I choke out. Sweat slicks my skin, and my heart hammers against my ribcage, fighting for release from this nightmare.
Istumble beside him,eachstepheavywithdread.The dankair ofthe chamber clings tomyskin,thickwiththe scentof blood,sexandfear.Robbie’smuffledwhimpersdrillintomybrain,arelentlessreminderofwhat’sabouttohappen.
“Damien, please,” I gasp, trying one last time, even though I know it’s futile My plea dissolves into the cold silence, unanswered.
We stop in front of Robbie, and I flinch as Damien positions my hand knife in grip above Robbie’s exposed neck Charlie pulls Robbie’s head back, and Damienshoves the blade further into his skin. His hand over mine is paradoxically comfortingdespitethehorroritbrings;itpromisescontrolinasituationwhereIhavenone.
Myhandtremblesviolently,butDamien’ssteadiesit Hemovesmyarm,guidingthebladewithaprecisionthatbeliesthe chaos of our emotions. Aflashof silver followed bya horrifying, wet gurgle as Robbie’s throat blooms openbeneaththe knife’sedge
The sound punches the air frommylungs, a guttural crythat echoes off the stone walls. Robbie’s bodyjerks, his eyes lockingontomine,filledwithamixoffearandpainthatwillhauntme
Iwanttoscream,butthewordswon’tcome.They’retrappedinside,justlikeIaminthismomentofmadness.
Charlie’shandsclampdownonRobbie’sshoulders,anchoringhimtothespot.HishazeleyesarewildwithaferocityI’ve
neverseeninhimbefore Mygazeisrivetedtothehorrificscene Robbie’sbodythrashingweakly,hisbloodavividscarlet againstthestonefloor.
“Watch the life drain from him,” Damien murmurs close to my ear, his grip iron-tight on my hand, still clutching the bloodiedknife.Idon’twanttolook,butIcan’ttearmyeyesawayfromRobbie’sgaspingmouth,thelifefadingfromhiseyes asifsomeone’sslowlyturningoffalight
“Stop!” Iscream, butit’s like I’munderwater;everythingis muffled, distant. The roomspins, and for a moment, I’mnot here,notpartofthisgrotesquescene Thenrealitycrashesback,andI’mdrowninginit Mystomachchurns,bilerisingupmythroat.Thereisnoholdingbacknow.Idoubleover,retchingontothecoldfloor.The tangofvomitmixeswiththemetallicscentofblood,andIknowI’llneverforgetthis,neverescapethememoryofwhatwe’ve done Damiengathersmysweaty,tangledmessofhairandholdsitgentlyasIunleashthecontentsofmystomachalloverthe floornexttoRobbie’sdeadbody.
Throughthehazeoftearsandbile,IseeBenmove He’squiet,calculated Acoldwindinhumanform Hishandissteady ashetakesEricbythehair,tiltinghisheadback.
“Please,no “Eric’spleacutsthroughthethicksilence,alastdesperatecry It’sthesoundofpureterror,arabbitcaught inasnare.
“Shh,”Benhusheshimlikehe’ssoothingachild,notabouttoendalife.There’saswiftmovement,awetsound,andthen nothing Eric’sscreamisahalf-formedthingstrangledinhisthroat It’soverbeforeitreallystarts
Ican’tholdbackanothersurgeofnausea.Mybodyconvulseswithdryheaves,withnothingleftinsidemebuthorror.The roomisdeadlysilentexceptfortheechoofmygagging
Aroundme,theairisheavy,pressingdown.Weallstandfrozen,theweightofouractionssinkingintomyboneslikelead.
Thecopperystenchofbloodmingleswiththesoursmell ofvomit.It’sthescentofdeath,anditclingstous,aninvisible shroudI’llnevershakeoff.
We’remonsters.Allofus.
Mykneesbuckle,andthestonefloorgreetsmecoldandcruel It’slikemybodyknowswhatmymindcan’taccept;we’ve crossed a line thatcannever be uncrossed. Ishudder, eachbreathragged, tearingthroughme as ifit’s laced withshards of glass
“Ever.”Damien’svoiceslicesthroughthehaze,butwhenIlookup,hiseyesareastormIcan’tweather.They’resupposed tocomfortme,guideme,butthere’sadarknessinthemnowthatwasn’ttherebefore.
“Lookatme,”hecommands.Mygazeobeys,eventhougheveryinstinctscreamstolookaway,tounseethebloodthatstains myhands ourhands.
“Fuck,”Iwhisper,myvoiceforeigntomyears Itcomesoutabrokenthing,liketheremainsofinnocencethatoncelived here.Icanfeelthetremorsthatquakethroughmyfingerstothecoreofmybeing.
“Stay with us, Ever,” Ben says, his tone steady but his green eyes betraying the turmoil underneath “You need to stay present.Don’tretreat.”
ButhowcanI?Rightnow,everythingfeelstoosharp,toovivid.ThememoryofRobbie’slifeslippingawayundermyhand isanimagethatwillhauntme,clawatmefromtheinsideout
“Can’t...Ican’t...”Thewordsareafeebleattempttoholdontosomething,anythingthatisn’ttaintedbydeath.
“True Northhas beeninitiated,” Alistair states, his voice loud inthe chamber He lets out what sounds like a sighand mumbles,“Albeititwithsomepersuasion.”
“Fuckoff,”Damiengrowls “Itwasbyherhand” “Andyourstrength.”
“Stop! Stop! Just don’t...” I’m not the girl who walked into this chamber. That Ever is gone, a ghost swallowed by darkness Now,I’mamurderer,atoyforthesementouseandonlyapawninagamewheretheyarethekingsandknights Knights.
Silence envelops us again, a veil thatwhispers ofthings brokenand things changed Inits midst, Istand withthem my protectors,mycaptors,myco-conspirators inaworldthat’sbothfamiliarandforeign.
ImourntheEverI’veleftbehindasIwalkforwardonthisdarkpaththat’sbeenlaidbeforemewithnootherchoicenow buttoputonefootinfrontoftheother.
Blooddripsfrommyfingertips,stainingtheancientstoneflooroftheundergroundchamber.Ican’ttearmygazeawayfrom the carnage at my feet two bodies, lifeless, because of secrets and lies The Four Cardinals The other members, includingAlexandtheChancellor,seemtohavemeltedbackintotheshadowsandthenthere’sme. Me
EverKnight.
“Ever, look at me,” Alistair’s voice cuts through the murk in myhead, his eyes boringinto mine withan intensity that almost scares me more thanthe dead men He’s never looked at me like this before, like I’msomethingfragile, something precious.
Ishiver,angerandbetrayalknottedtightinmystomach
Hemovestowardme,swift,decisive.I’mtoonumbtofight,toolostinmyownhead.Hisarmswraparoundme,liftingme offthegroundwithease Ifeellikearagdoll,limpandbroken,ashecradlesmeandcarriesmeawayfromthesceneofdeath The tunnel is tight, the walls pressingclose, butAlistair doesn’tfalter. His steps are sure and steady, a rockamidstthe chaosswirlinginsideme.
“Staywithme,Ever,”hemurmurs as weemergeintothedimlightofthehouse His words sounddistant,muffledbythe poundingsilenceinmyears.
They’vetakeneverythingfromme mypeace,mycontrol,myinnocence ButI’mnotstruggling Ihavenowhereelsetogo.Nowhereelsetobecomfortedbuthere,inthecold,mercilessarmsofamanwhowillkillas easilyastakehisnextbreath.
PanicclawsatmeasAlistairtakesmetohisbedroom.Icringe,expectingtheworst,mymusclestensingforafightI’mnot sureIhaveleftinme.
“Shh,angel,”hesays,hisvoicelow,butIcan’ttellifit’sawarningorreassurance Idon’ttrustiteitherway His gripis firm,he takes me throughthe threshold,myheartslammingagainstmychest.Butinsteadofthe bed,we head straighttothebathroomwheresteamalreadycloudstheair Damientwiststhetaps,atorrentfillingthebathtub,whileBen’s handsworkontheshower,turningknobswithmechanicalprecision.
Alistairplacesmeundertheshower’sspraybeforeIcanprotest.Watercascadesoverme,warmandreassuring.Iscream fromthestingofwaterhittingthefreshcarvingsonmyback remindersofaritualIneveraskedfor.
Thesacrificialbloodthatpaintsmybody theevidenceofthenightmarebeneathourfeet washesaway.Iwatchitswirl intothedrain,ascarletspiralofhorroranddisbelief Then,asgentlyasamanlikeAlistaircanmanage,heliftsmefromthe shower’sassaultandlowersmeintothebath.
ThewarmwaterembracesmeasIsinkin,everymovementremindingmeofthepainbetweenmylegs,therawacheofmy lostvirginitytohim.Hishands,nowcaring,confusememorethanhisviolencedid.Theyalldo theirtouches,theirlooks.
As the tension knots inside me, I wonder what their care means. AmI more than a pawn now, more than just another plaything?Oristhisjustanotherformofcontrol,asoftercagecraftedbytheFourCardinals?
Benhovers witha quiet intensityas he reaches for the soft washcloth, his movements careful, deliberate. His touchis lighterthanawhisperagainstmyskinashestartstocleanmybody,eachgentlestrokeseemingtoaskforforgiveness Iwince fromthepainbutalsofromtherawnessofbeingsoexposed,sovulnerableunderhiscare.
“Forgiveme,”hemurmurs Thewordshanginthesteam,asheavyasthescentofsoap Hispleadoesn’tundotheroughness thatcamebefore,thewayheclaimedmybodywithnomercy,butIseetheregretflickeracrosshisusuallycomposedfeatures.
“Canyoualljustleave?Ineedtobealone.”
Alistair’sfrownissharp,ashadowpassingoverhisface.Damien’slipspressintoathinline,andCharlie’shandpausesat thedoorway.Theyexchangesilentlooks,aconversationwithoutwords,beforeAlistairgivesacurtnod.
“Ofcourse,angel,”Alistairsays,histonegentle Heleavesfirst,theothersfollowing,theirmovementsstiffastheyretreat fromthebathroom.Thedoorclicksshutbehindthem,leavingmewrappedinsolitude.
The silence after their departure presses in,fillingthe space where their presence hadbeen Alone,I’mleftadriftinthe warmbathwater,thevoidechoingwiththeabsenceoftheircomplicatedcomfort.
BeforeItakemynextbreath,tearsstreakmycheeks,hotandunchecked Ibreakdown,thegriefgnawingattheedgesofmy soul as Imourneverythingthat’s beenrippedawayfromme.Myoldlife,a distantmemorynow,shatters witheachsobthat wracksmybody.Thepainisarelentlesstide,overwhelming,pullingmeunder withtheweightofbloodspiltandinnocence lost
“Fuck,”Igaspbetweenraggedbreaths,cursingthedayIgotcaughtinthetwistedgravityoftheFourCardinals.Thecool porcelainrubsagainstmybareskinasIslidefurtherintothetub,kneesdrawnuptomychest
Mysobs bounce offthe bathroomwalls,the echoes a hollow symphonytomyagony.Butwitheachtear shed,something insidemeshiftsandlightens It’snothealing notyet butit’sastart Acleansing,perhaps Lettingthesorrowflowfeelslike purgingsomeofthedarkness,clawingitswaythroughmyinsides.
Abaptism.
“Byfuckingfire Shit,shit,shit”ThecurseisaragtoclingtoasIallow myselfthismoment Thissmall,fragilemoment whereI’mthegirl,brokenbutstillhere.Stillbreathing.
Unlike some
Iknowthere’sawindingroadahead,filledwithshadowsandprobablymoremonstersthanIcanimagine.Butrightnow,in thisechochamberofpainandrelease,Iletthetearsfall.Iletthemwashoverme,takingpiecesofthehorror,theheartbreak, withthem,andIholdontothesliverofhopethatmaybeIcanfindmywayoutofthisdarkness.
THE WATER HAS GONE COLD BY THE TIME I STOP CRYING, AND MY SKIN IS PUCKERED WITH GOOSEBUMPS. I PUSH MYSELF UP, limbs heavy as lead, the ache in my body a stubborn reminder of what’s been taken fromme what I’ve been thrust into. Grabbingtheedgeofthetub,Ihoistmyselfontoshakylegs There’satowelreadyforme,whiteandplush Theironystrikes meit’stheantonymofmysoulrightnow.
Clutchingthe fabric around me, eachstep awayfromthe bathtub feels like wadingthroughtreacle, butItrudge forward ThedoortoAlistair’sroomstandsopen,aportalbacktotheworldI’mnotsureIbelongtoanymore.
Stillalone,Ileavehisroomandmakemywaybacktomine,asanctuaryjustdownthehall
AsIpushthroughthedoortomyroom,Charliebreaksthesilencethat’senvelopedmesincethebathroom.He’sstanding there;allcasualcharmandeasysmilesaregone,replacedbyafurrowedbrowandeyesthataretoodamnknowing.
“Hey, love,” he murmurs, his voice soft, like he’s talkingto a spooked animal He’s holdinga tray sandwiches and a bottleofwater,lookingridiculouslypristine.
Ishakemyhead,themotionmorewearythandefiant “Nothungry,”Imanagetosay,mythroatrawasifit’sbeenscrubbed withsandpaper.
“I’ll leave it for later,” he replies, setting the tray down on the table near the window. His movements are careful, deliberate,likehe’safraidImightshatterintoathousandpiecesifhemakesanysuddenmoves.Maybehe’sright.“Youneedto keepyourstrengthupaftereverything.”
“Youmeanupchuckingalloverthefloordownstairs?”Iaskedsardonically,themorbidhumourcomingfromsomewherein mybatteredsoul.
“Andeverythingelse”ButIseetheflashofreliefinhiseyesthatI’mnotcatatonic,eventhoughIwishIwere Forsome reason,thereisawilltokeepconscious,tokeep,ifnotonestepahead,butonequalfootingwiththeseguys.IfIfallback,even afraction,I’mgivingthemtheopportunitytodragmeevenfurtherintotheirfuckedupworld.
Nofuckingthanks.
Charlie’sgazelingersonmelongerthanIcanstandbeforehequietlyleavestheroom.
I’maloneagain Thesilencerushesbackin,fillingthespacewherehispresencehadbeen Idropthetowelandcurlupon thebed,pullingthecoversaroundme.They’resoft,they’resafe,they’renotenough.Butfornow,they’llhavetodo.
Momentslater,thedoorcreaksopen,andAlistairwalksinwithapresencethatfillstheroom He’sgotthiswayofmoving confident, like he owns everyinchofthe space, metaphoricallyspeaking. His serious, intense eyes, like the summer sky, lockontomine,andforasecond,Ican’tlookaway.It’slikehehasgravityonhisside,pullingmeinwithouttrying.
“Angel,”hemurmursashecomescloser,sittingontheedgeofmybedinaboldmovethatIdidn’tgivemyconsentfor But whywouldthatstophimnow?
Mysharpremarkfalters There’sasoftnesstohimthatdoesn’tfitwiththerestofwhatIknow acontradictionthatmakes
myheartdoweirdflips.
Hishandreachesoutandtouchesmyarm.Instinctkicksin Ijerkback,skincrawlingwiththememoryofhandsthathave takenmorethanIwantedtogive Butthensomethinginsidemecaves,somebrokenpartthatcravesanydropofkindness,and myshoulderssag.
“You’reoneofusnow,”hesays,voicelowandsteady “You’reourTrueNorth”Thewordsfeelheavy,likethey’remeant tomeansomethingsignificant.
Ifrown,confusiongnawingatme “TrueNorth?Whatthehelldoesthatevenmean?”
“Itmeansyou’retheonewhoholdsustogether.You’rethelightweallgravitatetowardswheneverythingelseisdark.” Iswallowhard,notsureifIwanttobeanyone’sanything.Butthere’ssomethinginthewayhesaysitthatwrapsaroundthe chaosinmyheadandgivesitaname Apurpose
“Sowhatnow?”Myvoiceisawhisper,betrayingthestormraginginsideme.
Alistair’shandisstillonmyarm,warmandsurprisinglyreassuring “We’llkeepyousafe,”hepromises,andsomehow,I believehim.“We’rebyyourside,always.”
“That’snotananswer”
“Youaren’treadyforthatyet,sweetangel.Usethistimetorecover,toheal,tocometotermswiththelifeyouhaveshed andthelifeyouarewalkinginto.Withus.”
There’saflickerofsomethinginhisgaze,likemaybehe’sjustasscaredasIam Buthe’stherocknow,theanchorinthis insanity, and as muchas Ihate to admitit, his promise is a raftbobbinginmyturbulentsea. Iclingto it, lettingitpull me towardahopeI’mdesperatefor
Thesilencestretches,heavyandthick,wrappingarounduslikeawetblanket.Alistairisclose,hiswarmthseepingintothe chilledspacesofmybatteredself.Hisbreathghostsovermyhair,followedbythesoftpressureofhislipsonmyheadashe gathersmetohim.Ilethim,becauseanyportinastorm,asthesayinggoes.
“Youhavegivenmesomuchofyourself,EverKnight.I’msoproudofyouforeverything,andI’msohonouredIwasyour first”
Iwanttoscreamathimthathedidn’tgivemeachoice,butmaybehethinksIhadone.MaybeifI’dspokenup,demanded Ben,CharlieorDamienornoneofthem,thingswould’vebeendifferent Butthereisnopointdwellingonwhat-ifs.
“Stay,”Iwhisper,thewordbarelymakingitpastthetightnessinmythroat.Myfingersgripthesheets,knuckleswhite. Hisarmtightensaroundme,asilentoathinthewayhepullsmecloser.“I’mnotgoinganywhere,”hemurmurs,voicelow andsteady.
Astrangecomfortsettlesinmychest,notquitepeacebutsomethingclose atethertothehereandnow wheneverything elsefeelslikeit’sspirallingoutofcontrol.He’shere,andforamoment,that’senoughtokeepthedemonsatbay. Iclosemyeyes,lettingtheriseandfall ofAlistair’s chestlull metowardsleep;his heartbeatis aconstantinthechaos There’snoroomforpretencebetweenus,notnow.Notaftereverythingthat’sbeenstrippedbare.
“Sleep,sweetangel,”hemurmurs.
Idrift,theedgesofmymindblurringasexhaustionclaimsme Hisholddoesn’twaver,solidandreal apromiseetchedin fleshandbone.
Ever’seyelidsflutteropen,aslow,groggyriselikethedawncreepingoverEngland’ssleepyhorizon.Mybreathhitchesas her green eyes, cloudy from sleep, lock onto mine I haven’t moved all night, just watched her like some ancient guardian andnowshe’swakinguphere,inmyworld.
Reborn
Her gaze drifts aroundthe room,andshe blinks,disoriented,her vulnerabilitysharpagainstthe backdropofmyfamily’s power.
Shesitsup,thesheetspoolingaroundherwaist,andforafleetingmoment,Isenseherdesiretobolt toescapetheheavy historythatclingstothesewalls.Butshedoesn’trun;sheneverdoes.Shehasastrengththatsheprobablydidn’tknowshehad, evenwhentheworldtiltsbeneathherfeet
Ireachout,myfingersbrushingaloosestrandofhairfromEver’sface.It’sassoftassilk,andI’mcarefulnottotug,just lettingitslidebetweenmyfingertips Herskiniswarm,andIlingerforasecond,offeringherahalf-smile “Letmetellyousomething.There’ssomethingancientthatbindsus.Asectmadelongbeforeeitherofussteppedfooton thisearth.”
Shewatchesme,eyeswide,thegreeninthemflickeringliketheleavesoutsideintheearlymorningwind
“It was our ancestors,” I continue, tryingto keep the historysimple and digestible. “Part of that is, centuries ago, they forgedabondtolookafterthechosenonesinourbloodline Toguidethem,protectthem”
Herbrowfurrows,andshepullsthesheetscloser,almostasadefenceagainstmywords.“Chosenforwhat?”sheasks,her voiceamixofscepticismandcuriosity.
“Power,”Isayplainly.“Influence.Theabilitytoshapethings.Wearemeanttostandbyyou,beyour shieldifneedbe.” There’smoretoit,layersandshadows,butthosearetalesforanothertime.Rightnow,Ineedhertounderstandthebasics the foundationofwhywe’re here, together, inthis roomthatwhispers ofold secrets and promises “KnightsGate It’s notjusta nameorsomefancytitle.It’slegacy,Ever.It’sdestiny.”
Sheblinksatme,hereyesglassywithconfusionandahintoffear Sheshakesherheadslowly,tryingtodispelthefogof sleep,theharshrealitymouldingwithdisbelief.“Ifoundsomestuff.Itwasn’ttherewhenIlooked,andthenitwas.Didyou haveanythingtodowiththat?”shewhispers,grippingthesheetstighter.
Inod,leaningbackagainsttheornatewoodenheadboard.Theairfeelsheavyaroundus,eachbreathlacedwiththegravity of centuries past. “Yeah, we did. We can’t have that shit lying around for any old conspiracy theorist to find. But the old Librarianreplacedthemwhenweknewyouwouldgolooking Theyhavesincebeenremoved” “OldLibrarian?ThereisnooldLibrarian.”
“Notthekindthatworksinthelibrary,anyway”Iflashherasecretivesmilethatwidenshereyes “Oh.”
“So you’ll know thatthis started waybackinthe mid-1300s atthe foundingofour university. Our ancestors yours and mine,werepartoftheKnightsTemplar Buttheysplitoff TheycreatedKnightsGateasasect Theywerevisionaries,warriors oftheirtime,Ever.Andwe’rethemodern-dayremnantsofthatpower.”
Her jaw drops openslightly, and she juststares atme for a longmoment, silent Iwatchher struggle to wrap her mind aroundtheenormityofitall theideathatherlineageisentwinedwiththisancient,clandestinesociety. “Butwhatdoesthatmean?”
“Wearesecret,powerful,andboundbyblood.”Thewordstasteoldandpotentastheyrolloffmytongue.“Ourfamilies havebeenshapinghistoryfromtheshadowseversince.”
“Shapinghistory?”
Inod, unwillingto delve into the battles fought, the wars won, the politics and science. “The influence ofthe sectis all aroundus We’rejustacoginthewheel TheGuardiansofthisUniversity,thestronghold” Ever’shandstrembleasshepushesaloosestrandofherhairback,hermovementsdisjointed.Hergazeflickersawayfrom me,thenback,searchingmyfaceforanysignthatthismightbeajoke,agame Butallshefindsisthesolemntruth “Globalinfluence,”shemutters.
“Yes Butitallstartshere,withtherecruitment” “Recruitment.”Shescrunchesuphernose.“Isthatwhatyoudidtome?Recruitedme?”
“No.Youwererecruitedatbirth,assomeofusare.Buttokeepnewblood,wehavetorecruit.Youhavealwaysbeenpart ofthis,Ever,butlastnight,youwereinitiatedthroughthesacrificeofyourenemyandanointedasourTrueNorth IamNorth Cardinal.BenisSouth,Charlie,EastandDamien,West.Wewatchoverthiscampus,guarditandoursecretsatthemostbasic level Nextyear,whenweleave,themantlewillbepasseddowntothenow second-years,andsoon Thespiralstwisthigh andwide,andyoudon’tevenwanttodiveintothat.Yet.There’stime.”
“Dave”
Frowning,Itiltmyhead.“Who?”
Sheshakesherhead.“ChancellorAldritch.Howhighupishe?”
Unabletohelpthesmirk,Itakeherhandandcircleherpalmgently “He’stheChancellorhere Prettyfuckinghigh Heis calledanElder.”
“Mydad?”shewhispers
Ishakemyhead.“No,heisn’tpartofthis.Yourmother,ontheotherhand...” Shegulps.“What?”
“Yourlegacycomesfromher,skewedbytimeandcircumstance.Knightisyourmother’sname,notyourfather’s.Heisa merepawnonthisboard.”
Shefrownsfiercely “Idon’tunderstand”
“Those inthe know have kepttheir secrets despite their fall fromnoble grace. The Knights are still a powerful family, Ever,justunderthesurface”
“Thatmakesnosense.”
“Itwill,intime.I’velaidalotonyouinthelastfewdays.Wehadhopedtogiveyoumoretime,butthereareundercurrents whichhaveforcedourhand,nottheleastofwhichisthebetStanleyplacedonyou.”
“Stanley...”Shepalesatthereminderanddropsherheadintoherhands,tuggingherhair.“Fuck.Everyonehasliedtome.” “Toprotectyou”
“Jesus,”shebreathesout,thewordawispofsoundinthechargedsilence.“Don’tgivemethatbullshit,Alistair.Notnow.” “Thisisnotjusthistory,Ever it’saburden Oneweonlysharewhenthetime’sright”Ipause,watchingherabsorbitall “Andthattimeisnow,Ever.It’syourturntohelpuswieldthatpower.It’saboutprotection,aboutclaimingwhat’sours.”My fingerstracethelineofherjaw,asilentassertionofthepromiseI’mmaking.“We’vewatchedoveryouwithoutyouknowing, waitingfortherightmoment ItwassupposedtobeaftertheAlumniballwhenyouwereprimedandreadytoacceptthehistory ofthisplaceonadifferentlevel.”
Sheswallowshard,andIcantellshe’swrestlingwiththerealityofitall Thevulnerabilitythatflashesacrossherfacetugs atsomethingprimalwithinme,anurgetoshieldherfromeverymonsterlurkinginthedarknesswearedraggingherinto.
“Christ,Alistair,” she whispers,her hands ballingintofists ather sides “This is insane The killings,the gettingpeople kickedoutofschool,andGodonlyknowswhatelse...”
“Maybe,”Iconcede,myheartracingwiththegravityofwhatI’mrevealing.“Butit’sreal.Andwhetheryoulikeitornot, you’re partofthis ofus Youwere borninto this world ofpower and secrecy It’s time to embrace it” Myvoice is firm, needinghertoacceptthisfate,thispartofherlifethatshecannotwalkawayfrom.Ineedhertogatherherinnerstrengthand pushthe guiltand nightmares aside ofkillingRobbie and the murders she has witnessed, butit’s onlythe beginningofhow deepdownthisshitgoes.
“Embraceit,”sheechoesquietly,moretoherselfthantome Hergazelocksontomine,andIseethesparkofawarrior’s spiritignitinginherbatteredsoul,astormofgreen,churningwithquestionsandtheburdenofcenturies.Iseeher trulysee her notjustasEver,thegirlwiththecumbersomelegacyandthesharpwit,butassomeonewho’sbecomepartofmyvery essence
“Okay.Say,Ibelieveyou.Whatnow?WheredoIgofromhere?”
“Withus,andrightnow,wehaveamesstocleanup”
“Youmeanthechamberdownstairs?”Herexpressionisqueasyasshethinksaboutthehorrordownthere.
“No,a bigger mess.One brewingoncampus thatwe have justexacerbated. It’s time totake the gloves off, angel. Shit’s abouttogetreal,realfast.”
“Great,”shemutters,butIsmileandleanforwardtokissherlipssoftly,knowingshe’sgotthis.
Blood pounds inmyears, louder thanthe whispers thatsnake throughKnightsGate University’s stone pathways. It’s like theyallknow Thewaytheireyessliceintome,Imightaswellhaveitstampedonmyforehead:EverKnight,murderer, betrayerandwhore.
“Bitch,” someone Idon’tevenknow, hisses froma huddle ofstudents as Ipass The word clings to myskin, heavyand suffocating.Itrytoshakeitoff,tosteadymywobblylegsthatthreatentobucklewitheachstep.
I remember the blood the way it pooled beneath Stanley’s lifeless body after Alistair’s blade found its mark. And Robbie oh God, Robbie His face haunts my dreams, twisted in horror as Damien coerced my hand to end his life My stomachtwists,acidrisinginmythroat.Iswallow,pushingbackthe urge tovomitrighthere infrontofeveryone,under the judgementalgazeoftheancientoaksliningthequad
“Hey,Ever!Yougotsomethingtosayaboutthefire?”Thevoicecutsthroughthemurmursaroundme,sharpandaccusing.I turnandfindmyselfencircledbyagroupofstudents someIrecognise,othersjustfacesinthecrowd
“No,sofuckoffandleavemealone,”Imutter,butmyvoiceisfrail,drownedoutbythehostility.
“Come on, we know youdid it, so youcould get inwiththe Cardinals. Are youtheir little sluttymascot now?” a girl sneers,herwordsbarbedandvenomous
“Ormaybeshe’ssleepingherwaytothetop.Isthatit,Ever?Usingwhatyou’vegottostayintheirgoodgraces?”another adds,laughterbubblingcruellyamongthegroup
Heatcreeps up myneck, flushingmycheeks withshame and rage. Withtheir old moneyand darksecrets, the Cardinals have casta shadow over myentire existence since Istumbled into their world. Butnow, witheveryslanderous jab sentmy way,thewallscloseintighter,suffocatingmewiththeweightofaccusationsIcan’toutrun.
“Shutup,”Ispitout,moreforcefullythistime.“Youdon’tknowanything.”
Panicgnawsatmyinsides,clawingitswayupuntilitsitsthickinmythroat Ineedtoescape “Lookslikethelittleprincesscan’thandletheheat,”someonesneers,theirvoiceslicingthroughthetensionlikeaknife.
I’mabouttocrumble,butCharlieracesintoviewwithaglintinhishazeleyes “Ever,youhavetostopsneakingout,”he says smoothly, steppingbeside me, takingmyhand and kissingit for all to see. Despite the raised eyebrows and mocking laughter,hispresenceisashield,hisconfidencepushingbackagainsttheencroachingcrowd.
“Sneakingoutofhisbed?”
“What’sshetoyou?”
“You’redatingnow?”
“Whatabouttheothers?Isshefuckingallofyou?”
Charliechuckles,easyandunfazed “Ithinkyou’llfindthatisnoneofyourbusiness,sowhydon’tyoufuckoffbackunder therocksyoucrawledoutfromandleaveusthefuckalone.”Thegood-naturedattitudeisgone.Blownoffwiththestiffbreeze thatcameupoutofnowhere,almostinresponsetohisshiftindemeanour.
Theconfrontationloses steam Fast DeflatedbyCharlie Ihavetowonder whytheystill keepcomingafter me Clearly, peopleknowwhotheyareandwhattheycando,sowhydotheykeeppickingonme?Itmakesnosense.ButIbreatheeasier, theknotinmychestlooseningslightly
Butasheleadsmeaway,therumoursarealreadyspreadinglikewildfireacrossthecampus,twistingeveryinteractioninto somethingscandalous Ishouldbeannoyed,butpartofmefindsreliefintheirgossip It’seasiertodealwithwhispersabouta supposedromancethanthetruthofmyentanglementwiththeCardinals.
“Letthemtalk,” Charlie says, catchingmyeye. He shrugs, nonchalantas ifhe’s used to beingthe subjectofspeculation.
Well,Iguessheis CharlesSt James,ViscountBeaumont,hasalwaysbeenafigureofintriguearoundhere “Doesn’titbotheryou?”Iask,tryingtosoundasindifferentashedoes.
“Nothingbothersme,Ever,”hesayswithagrin “Life’smorefunthatway” IwishIcouldseetheworldthroughCharlie’seyes,evenforaday.Butaswewalkaway,themurmurscontinuetofollow us,paintinga picture ofus that’s far fromreality Yet,somehow,Ifindmyselfclingingtothe fiction it’s a respite fromthe darknessthat’sbecomemylife.
Charliesteersmeawayfromthecrowd,hisfingerslightlygrippingmyfingers Heknowsthespotsoncampusthatareofflimitstogossipandjudgingeyes.Weendupinaforgottengardenbehindtheoldmusicbuilding,overrunwithwildflowersand afewweeds.
“Noonewillbotherus,”hemurmurs,lettinggooncewe’reshieldedbyacrumblingstatueofsomelong-deadbenefactor “Ihavetogettoclass.”
“Ditch It’snotlikeyou’renotgoingtoacethisyearanyway”
“It’saboutmorethanthat,”Isnap,seeingSummaCumLaudewashedawayonaseaofbloodandsecrets.“Fuck.” “Iknow,”hesays soothingly,“butthis thingisn’tgoingawayyet Therewill beanother dramasoontotakethefocus off you.”
Ilookathim, reallylookathim. Charlie, withhis easycharmand carefree laugh, is prettymuchthe onlyconstantina worldthat’stippedoffitsaxis Rightnow,Ineedthatmorethananything “It’sallsomessedup,”Iconfess,thewordsspilling outbeforeIcanstopthem.
“Hey,”hesaysgently,pullingmedownontothegrassandsittingbesideme “You’renotaloneinthisshitstorm” Wesitinsilence,thekindthatisn’tawkwardbutfilledwithunderstanding.Ileanintohimslightly,seekingsolaceinhis presence.Hisarmfindsitswayaroundmyshoulders,andIletmyselfbeheld. “Ever?”
Thevoicemakesusbothturn.Benstandsafewfeetaway,hisgreeneyescloudedwithconcern.There’sahesitationinhis step,awarinessashecomescloser
“Hey,Ben,”Charliegreetshim,buthisarmstaysaroundme.
Ben’s gaze flickers over us, readingthe scene, and thenhe’s next to me, his hand reachingout to touchmine I have a flashbackofhow hetouchedmeinthatchamber,undercircumstancesI’mtryingdesperatelytoforget.Butnow,it’sdifferent; there’sanapologyinhistouch,asilentpleaforforgiveness.
“Canwetalk?”heasks,hisvoicelow.
“Sure,”Isay,thoughmythroatfeelstight.IpullawayfromCharlie,givingmyselfspacetobreathe.
Ben’shandiswarmagainstmyback,fillingmycoldsoulwithaheatthatishardtoignoreeventhougheveryinstinctwarns metorun.
“Ever,I ”Hetrailsoff,struggling Hiseyesmeetmine,andit’slikelookingintoamirrorofmypain We’rebothhaunted, bothbrokeninways thatwords can’tfix. Butrightnow, we’re also justtwo people tryingto find a wayforward. “I’mnot goingtodemandanythingfromyou,butIhopethatyoucanfinditinyourhearttoforgiveme.Iwaslostinthemomentofthe ritual,andyouwerethere,laidouthowI’vedreamedofyou Ishould’vetakenbettercareofyou”
Chokingbackthe sobofemotionthatwants tooverwhelmme,Ipress mylips together andnod.Idon’thate himor fear him Ijustneedaminutetoprocess
Everything.
Notjusthisactions
He probablywonders whyI’ve forgivenAlistair and Charlie so quickly, butit’s differentwiththem. Iexpected itfrom Alistair;hedidwarnmeafterall,andCharlieisjust...Charlie.ButBenwastheoneIwasfallingforonanintellectuallevel thatwasbeautifulandperfect Itwilltakemetimetogetoverhisactions
“Let’s justtake itone step ata time,” Iwhisper, nothavingthe courage to spill everythingI’mthinkingwhere God only knowswhoislisteningin,readytospreadmorerumours
Bennods, relief washingover his features. For now, that’s enough. We don’t have to speakof forgiveness or the past. We’rehere,together,andthathastocountforsomething
“Ihatetobethatguy,butweneedtoheadbacktothemanor,”hiswordsslicethroughthesilencethathadsettledaroundus. Hisgazeisserious,anditmakesmystomachlurch.
“Why?”Ifrown,mymindracingwithpossibilitiesthatcouldrequiresuchurgency “Weneedameeting.”Hedoesn’telaborate.
Charlie’shandfindsmineagain,histouchreassuring,grounding “Let’sgo,”hesays
There’sasteeledgetohisvoicethattellsmehe’salreadyslippingintohisrole,andfeartremorsthroughme.
Inod,risingwiththemenandlettingCharlieguidemeawayfromtheseclusionofourquietcorneroncampus.Hisgripis firmbutgentle,andI’mgratefulforthewarmthofhispresence.Aswewalk,Isenseeyesonus,hearthewhispersthatfollow inourwake.They’retalkingaboutus,abouttheCardinals,aboutthesecretsthatclingtothenameslikeshadows.
Butrightnow, Idon’tcare. Letthemtalk. Letthemguess and gossip. Mymind is onthe meetingahead and whyit’s so importantImissclassandontheunknownsthatwaitforusatKnightsGateManor.Charliesqueezesmyhand,asilentmessage ofsolidarity,andIsqueezeback
Thepathtothemanorisfamiliar,yetitfeelsdifferenttoday.Thetreesthatlinethewayseemtowatchuspass,theirleaves rustlingwiththeweightofuntoldstories Wedon’tspeak;there’snothingtosaythatcanchaseawaytheuneasethat’ssettledin mygut.
KnightsGateManorloomsbeforeus,itsivy-cladwallsrepresentingcenturiesofhistory
AfterAlistair’stalk,I’vecometo realise it’s a partofme, this place, justas muchas the bloodline Iwas borninto. My mother’s bloodline. Istill can’tquite processthat.Butnotforthefirsttime,IwishIcouldshedmylegacylikeasecondskin,befreeoftheburdensitbrings.
“Ever?Youokay,love?”Charlie’svoicebreaksintomythoughts
“Yeah.”Ilookupathim,tryingtoreadhisexpression.
Henods,andasBenopensthegrandfrontdoors,westepthroughtheentranceofthemanor,thedoorclosingbehinduswith asoundthatfeelslikefinality.AheadliesaconversationIknownothingaboutandcannotpreparefor,soallIcandoismove forwardandfaceit
Benleadsusintothestudy.Thedoorshutsbehindus,theclickofthelocklikeatriggerformyracingthoughts.Damienis leaningagainstthebookcasewithanunreadablelookplasteredacrosshisface.Alistairstandsbythefireplace,everyinchthe broodingleader
“What’sthisabout?”Alistairasks,eyesonmineandCharlie’sclaspedhands. Itrytoletgo,butCharlietightenshishold
“Consequences,”Bensayssharply,drawingalleyestohim.
IcastmyglancebacktoDamien.Somethingabouthissilence,hisnoticeableabsence,gnawsatme.Wasourkissandthe wayhelethisguarddownwithmejustarusetodrawmeintotheirwebofsecrets?
“The rumours we heard a few weeks back have been founded,” Ben continues. “Stanley had started gathering a sect, recruitingfromourownranksaswellasthefringes”
“Thatfucker,”Alistairhisses.“Iknewsomethingwascoming.Ifuckingknewit.” Damienpushes offfromthe bookshelf, his movements are fluid buttense He doesn’tlookatme, and thatsends a pang throughmychest.
What are you thinking, Damien?
Do you even care at all?
Stanley’s throat.
Alistair’s blade
Ican’tshaketheimages,thesounds thefinalityofitall.Theroomfeelslikeit’sclosinginonme,wallsinchingcloser witheverybreath It’s too much Robbie’s and Eric’s faces flashthroughmymind, their lives snuffed outwithouta second thought.
Gaspingforbreath,IyankmyhandoutofCharlie’sandpressittomychest.
“Hey,”Alistairisquicktomoveinfrontofme,hishandgripsmine,tightenoughtodrawthefocustohim,jarringagainst thechaosinmyhead.“Youneedtostaywithus.Rememberwhatwetalkedabout?Thisispartofthebiggerpicture.” Iblinkrapidly,tryingtofocusonthehereandnow Yeah,thisisreal,andit’snotgoingawaybecauseIwantitto Stanley, Robbie,Eric alllostinasickgameplayedbythosewhoneverfacetheconsequences.
Exceptnow,thereareconsequences Bensaidit
MyotherhandtremblesasIsmoothmyhairback,tuckingastraystrandbehindmyear.
“Yougood?”Alistairmurmurs,pullingmecloseandpressingakisstothetopofmyhead.
“Yeah,”Icroak “I’mhere”It’sallIhavetogivebecause‘good’isnotgoingtobemystateofmindforawhile ButIcan do‘here’.
Ben’svoiceslicesthroughthetension “We’vebeenhearingthingsaboutthislotforweeksnow” Ifeellikethatisinformationformyearsandthateveryoneelsealreadyknows.
“Rumoursmostly,”Charlieadds,armsfoldedacrosshischestnow thatAlistairhastakenmefromhim “ButIguessnow there’struthtothem.”
“They’remorethanjustwhispersindarkcorners,”Alistairconcludes,hisbluegazelockingonmine.Hedoesn’tblink,and itfeelslikehe’stryingtopeelbackeverylayerofmysoul
“Right.”Myresponsecomes outhoarsebutdetermined.IforcemyselftoholdAlistair’s staresoas nottogetlostinthe memoriesofbloodandbetrayal Ineedtobepresentinthismoment,notdrowninginthepast
“Wefindouttheirpurpose,theirnumbers,howfartheirinfluencereaches,”Damiensays,hislightgreyeyesintenseunder thestarklighting.
“Andwhattheirfuckingobjectiveis,”Alistairgrowls,acontrasttohisgentleholdonme.
“Could be nothing,” Charlie suggests witha shrug, thoughhis hazel eyes betrayhis concern. “Or itcould be our biggest
threatyet.”
“Eitherway,wedealwithit,”Alistairstates,afrostyedgetohisvoice.
“Doesthishappenoften?”IblurtoutintothesilencethatfollowsAlistair’sdeclaration “Factions?”Damienasks,finallylookingatme.“Allthefuckingtime.” “Oh”
“Butwehandleitandmoveon.”
“Handleit ”Irepeatsoftlytomyself,feelingtheweightofthosewords Igetthefeelingthatdealingwith,andhandling problemsmeanssomethingviolent,somethingpermanent,intheirdictionary.
Whatever this factionis,whatever darkness itbrings,I’mstandingintheeyeofthestormwiththeCardinals,andIcan’t affordtobetheweaklink Thewordsslipfromme,resoluteandclear “Thenlet’sdealwithit”
BENEDICT
needaminute.”
ThesecondEverstepsoutofthestudy,myguttwistslikeI’vebeenpunched Ican’tstandthespacegrowingbetween us,thischasmthat’smorethanjustthephysicaldistancestretchingout.Shemoveswiththatgraceshedoesn’tevenknow sheowns,herblondewavesasilentsirencall I’monmyfeetandafterherbeforeIcantalkmyselfoutofit
“Watchyourstep,”Alistairmurmurs,butIignorehim.Everistheonlythingonmymind.
“Ever,”Isay,almosttoolow,butshestops.It’slikeshesensestheurgencyI’mbarelykeepingcagedinsideme.
Sheturns,hergorgeouseyescatchingmine Maybeshethoughtshecouldslipaway,ghostthroughthisoldEnglishmanor withoutanyonenoticing.ButInotice.Alwaysher.
“Ben?”Her voiceisawhisper ofuncertainty,athreadpullingatme “Look,I’ll bebacktotalkstrategyor whatever the fuckyoudowithfactions.ButIneedaminute.Please?”
“Iknow,butcanwetalk,please?Somewhereprivate?”
Idon’twaitforheranswerbecauseIcan’t.Notwiththewaymyhandsareitchingtoreachout,tomakesureshe’srealand notjustsomedreamI’llwakeupfrom.Igrabherhand,herskinsoftagainstmine,andthecontactsendsajoltstraightthrough me
“Okay,”shesayssoquietlyit’snearlylostinthegrandeurofKnightsGate’sechoinghalls.
Wemovetogether,herhandinmineasIleadherawayfromtheshitthatisnodoubthittingthefandownstairs Alistairis pissed. He gets defensive aboutour territoryina waythatwe don’t, and that’s sayingsomething. Anyone encroaches onhis land,andhegoesspare.
Butthis is more important. There’s a storminmymind, thoughts clashinglike thunder, eachone screamingabouthow I needtofixwhat’sfracturedbetweenus.
Myroomisn’tfar,andeverystepcloserrampsupthetension,windingtightinmychest Ineedtogetthisright Forher For us.Whateverittakes,I’lldoit.BecausewhenEverlooksatmewiththoseeyesthatshiftliketherollingEnglishhillsoutside,I knowthere’snowalkingaway Notnow Notever
Leadingherintomyroom,thedoorshutsbehindus,aslightsoundthatfeelslikeitboomsinthesilence.
“Idon’tevenknowwheretobegin.”Hereyesmeetmine,thosegreenpoolsthatseemtoseerightthroughme.Iswearthey changewithherthoughts,andrightnow,they’restormyandfierce.
“Startwiththetruth,”shesays,andthere’sanedgetohervoice,asharpnessthattellsmeshewon’tacceptanythingless.
“Right,thetruth”Myhandsarerestless,soIshovethemintothepocketsofmyblackpants “IhatethewayItreatedyou It waswrong.”
“You’vesaidallthisearlier”
“Iknow,butit’seatingmealive.”
Sheshifts,crossingherarmsoverherchest,defensive.Thespacebetweenusisjustair,butitfeelslikemilesofthornsand ice
“I’msorry.ForeverythingIdid.Itwasmessedup,andyoudidn’tdeserveanyofit.”
Hereyessnapbacktomine,andthere’saflickerofsomethingthatmightbehope,ormaybeit’spain toohardtotell But it’sraw,andit’sreal,andit’smorethanIcould’vehopedfor.
Shesighsheavily “Thankyouforsayingthat”
“Nothingtothankmefor.Ishouldhavebeenbetter.Ishouldhave “ “Stop.”Sheholdsupahand,andIfallsilent.“Igetit,Ido.Theheatofthemoment,theknowingtherewasmoretocome.
I’mnotmadorafraid;I’mjustabitconfused Youactedinawaythatwasdifferenttohow Iperceivedyou,Iguess I’mnot blamingyou;I’mjusttryingtounderstandit.”
“Iknow Idon’tseemasintenseasAlistair,butunderneathit,I’mobsessiveandpossessive,andwhilethisstartedasan infatuationwithyou,I’vefallenforyouinwaysthathavescaredme.”
Hereyes,pooledwithtears,meetmine “Same”
“Fuck,Ever.”Withadeepbreath,Ileanforward,myhandsshakingastheyfindhercheeks.Herskinissoftundermytouch, anditfeelslikeeverythingelsefadesaway It’sjustus her pain,myguilt all ofithangingintheair,thickandheavy My thumbsbrushawaythedampnessfromhereyes.Hereyelidsflutteratthecontact,andforamoment,sheleansintomytouch, vulnerableandsodamnbeautifulithurtstolookather.
Shedoesn’tpullback,andthat’sallthepermissionIneed Closingthegap,Iwrapherinmyarms,pullingherclosetome Ourbodiespresstogether,atangleoflimbsandwhisperedbreaths.She’sawarmpresenceagainstme,realandsolid.It’snot aboutdesire it’saboutneedingtofeelconnected,tosharesomethingexposedandtrue
“Ben,”shebreathesout,hervoicecrackingwithemotion.Herarmscomearoundme,hesitantatfirst,thenwithastrength thatspeaksofherresilience We’retwopeople,scarredandsearchingforsomethinglikepeaceineachother’sembrace
“Shh, it’s okay,” Isay, thoughI’mnotsure who I’mtryingto reassure her or myself. Buthere we are, clingingto each otherasifwecansomehowmergeourbrokenpiecesintosomethingwhole.It’sadesperatekindofintimacy.
IpullbacksothatIcankissherdeeply,passionately,soIcanshowherwhatshemeanstome
It’sakissthatsealspromiseswithoutwords,asilentvow.Herlipsaresoftbutinsistent,andsherespondswithafirethat lightsupthedarkplacesinsideme Iknow thenthatI’mlosttothisgirl - toher touch,her taste,theveryessenceofher that somehowcalmsthehavocinmysoul.
Myhandsroamoverherback,carefuloftheinscriptiondownherspine,pullingherevencloser.Iwanttomemoriseevery curve, everyline of her bodyagainst mine. There are no barriers now, just a need and anunspokenforgiveness that hums betweenuslikeelectricity.
Itugather shirt,fingersdesperateandsearching “Ineedyou,”Iwhisper againsther mouth Thisisn’tjustaboutmaking love;it’sabouthealingthrougheachother.
Whenshedoesn’tstopme,Iyanktheteeoverherheadandliftherupwithoutbreakingthekissandcarryhertothebed Layingher downgently, I hover above her, drinkinginthe sight of her beneathme. Her chest is risingand fallingrapidly; there’sablushonhercheeksthatmatchestheintensityinhereyes.
The world outside this room doesn’t exist anymore. It’s just us our past hurts, bleeding into this single moment of connection.Reachingout,Iundoherjeansandtugthemoffasshekickshershoesoff,hermovementsmatchingtheurgencyin mine Ineedherbare,Ineedtofeeleveryinchofherskinagainstmine Sheliftsherhipscooperatively,andthedenimslides awaytorevealthesoftnessofherlegs,thevulnerabilitythatshenowoffersfreely.
Hereyesfollowmyeverymotion,stillfilledwithunshedtears
Likeamanstarvedofsustenanceforfartoolong,Istripoffanddescenduponherwithkissesthatchartapathfromherlips downtoherneck.Eachbrushofmymouthagainstherseemstoerasealittlemoreofthepainwebothcarry.Whenmyfingers unclipherbra,shegasps asharpintakeofbreaththatsignalspermissionandneed
Inonefluidmotion,she’sfreedfromanyremainingbarriers,andforamoment,wejustlookateachother bareinways thatgobeyondflesh ThebeautyofEverlaidoutbeforemeismorethanIeverthoughtpossible
There’s no rushingthis time everymovement is deliberate. This isn’t about lust; it’s about bindingourselves together afterbeingtornapart Fallingontoher,Islidemycockintohergently,hopingI’mnothurtinghertoomuch Shegasps,butshe doesn’tpushmeaway.Slowandsteady,Ikissawaythetearsthatspillontohercheeks.
Sheclingstometighterwitheverythrust,eachonewhisperingforgivenessandreignitingsomethingdeepwithinusthathad beensnuffed outbydoubtand pain Witheverytouch, witheverymoanthatescapes her lips, I’mpiecingbacktogether the shatteredfragmentsofourrelationship.
Herpussysoaksmycock,andIletoutanunfetteredgroan,thesoundrawandprimitiveinthequietofmyroom Herlegs wrap around me, pullingme deeper, and the world narrows to the slickheatofher, the clenchingtightness thatbeckons me furtherintotheabyss Witheachpull,Isinkintoanewlyforgedrhythmbetweenus
Ever’sbreathhitchesinherthroat,herfingersdiggingintomybackwithafierceurgencybeforeherbreathhitches,andshe easesup,rememberingtheflogging.Thepainissharp,butitanchorsme remindsmethisisreal andnotsomefever dream conjuredfromguiltandlonging
Iburymyface inthe crookofher neck, inhalingthe scentofher hair and feelingher pulse race againstmylips. “Ilove you,”Imurmur
“Ben...”
Witheachstroke,I’mtearingdownwallsandbuildingsomethingnew somethingfrighteninginitsintensity.Thisisn’tjust sex;it’saconfession,anabsolutionofferedwitheachshudderingclimaxthatwechasetogether.
Butit’shereyesthatbrandmedeepest;andmycockgrowsstifferinsideherasthetearsspilldownhercheeks.
Hertearsaretheconfessionthatpiercesthroughallthebullshit,allthehurtwe’vepiledonher.Hersobshitmeharderthan anyfistcould,andIknowwe’vebrokensomethinginher somethingwecan’tfixwithkissesorwhisperedpromises.
“Ever,fuck,I’msorry,”Iraspout,myvoicecracking Theintensityofthemomentistoomuch,andIslowmythrusts,trying togiveherspaceeventhougheveryfibreofmybeingscreamstokeepgoing.Butthisisn’taboutme;it’sabouther aboutus andthejaggedpathwe’restumblingdown
Shedoesn’trespondwithwords,justanodandabiteofherlipthattellsmeshe’sholdingbackadamofemotions.Buther armsdon’tletgo;theyholdonasifI’mherlifevestinthemiddleofaragingsea
Thesensationbuildsinsideme tightening,coiling butit’sovershadowedbytheneedtoprotecther,toshieldherfrom anymorepain.“I’vegotyou,”Isay.“Iloveyou.Iwon’teverhurtyouagain.”
Her body starts to shake beneath me a silent cry, a release of everything she’s been hoarding inside As she comes undone,mycontrolslipsaway.Myhipsdriveforwardwithanurgencythatmatchesthepulseofherheartagainstmine.
Weclimaxtogetherasherpussyclutchesmycockpossessively,afeelingthatIwillcherishuntilmydyingday There’sno hidingfromeachothernow;we’reexposedineverywaythatcounts.
“Ben,”shebreathesout,andhervoiceissofrailitnearlybreaksme
“Iloveyou,Ever.I’msorry,”Itellheragain,mytonegentle,thoughinside,I’mragingagainstthepainthat’sgotitsclaws inher.
Westaylikethat,pressedtogether,thesilencespeaksvolumes Her breathsevenout,andIwatchtheriseandfall ofher shoulders,feelingtheechoofherheartbeatagainstmine.It’smesseduphowcloseweare,andyethowfarapartwefeel.
Iclosemyeyes,holdingontoher,vowingtofightthroughthedarknesswithher,evenifIhavetodoitoneshatteredpiece atatime.
I’mcatchingmybreath, skinflushed, tears still brimming, whenAlistair’s voice slices throughthe quiet of Ben’s room. “Ever,weneedyoubackdownhere”
GlancingatBen,hegivesmeaseverestare,whichunnervesme.“Givemeasec,”Icallback,moreoutofstubbornness thananyrealintenttostall Ben’sfingerstracemycheek,asilentpromisethathe’srightbesidemeinthis,too Hedoesn’tneed tospeak;histouchsayseverything.Idon’tneedtoworry.
WedressquicklyandBentakesmyhand,leadingmedownstairs.
Whenweenter,thefacesofAlistair,Damien,andCharliegreetusasifthey’vesatherewaitingforustofinishhavingsex Great.
Theymustknow It’sprobablystampedonmyforehead,alongwitheverythingelse Theireyesaresharp,cuttingstraighttosomethingdeepinsidemethatsquirmsundertheirgaze.
“Sitdown,Ever,”Alistaircommands,pointingtoanornatechairthatsuddenlyseemsmorelikeathroneofjudgmentthana pieceoffurniture.Idon’tmissthewayhisblueeyesdarkenwithconcern orisitcontrol?
Whocantellanythinganymore?
“Everythingokay?”Ikeepmyvoiceeven,butIcanfeelBen’sgriponmyhandtighten He’shere,eventhoughIcantellby thelookonhisfaceheagreeswithwhateverisabouttogodown.
Damienleansagainstthemantelpiece,hisslateeyesscanningmelikehe’stryingtoreadapagethatkeepsblurring,buthe doesn’tmeetmygaze.SomethingI’mbecomingalltoofamiliarwith.
“Whatisthis?”Iask,sittingdowninthestraight-backedchair,lookingbetweenthem.Atensioncurlsaroundmythroat,and it’shardtobreatheforamoment.Whateveritisthey’reabouttosay,Iknowitwon’tbegood.
“Ever,weneedtohaveatalk,”Alistairstarts,hisvoicegruffwithworry.“You’vegottostopsneakingoutofthisgoddamn house”
Ifrown,crossingmyarmsdefensively.“Sneakingissuchastrongword.”
“Isit?”Thetwowordsareclipped,anditmakesmehidemysmilefromthataristocraticaccentthatalwaysgrowsstronger whenheisbeingserious.ItwarmsmethatIknowthisabouthim.It’ssomethingfamiliar,somethingIcanholdonto.
“Thismorning,youdodgedusbymakingusthinkyouweregettingcoffeeinthekitchen.Thenyouslippedoutthebackdoor andthroughthesidegate.Noton,angel.Wearenotyourjailers,andyouwon’ttreatusthatway.”
Pressingmylipstogether,Igivehimacontritestare.“Sorry.Itwasn’tintentional.” Liar, liar pants on fire.
Hiseyesnarrow “Thisisn’tthefirsttime KnowthatthisentirepremiseshasCCTVWemaynotbeonyourcasetwentyfourseven,which,tomygraveannoyance,iswhyyoukeepslippingoutofourgrasp,buttrustme,Ever.Keeppushingme,and youwill never bealoneagain AmImakingmyselfperfectlyclear?”
GlaringathimashemakesitsoundlikeI am injail,Iswallowbackmyanger.He’sonlytryingtohelp,andtobehonest, everytimeIstepoutofherewithoutachaperone,thingsgosideways.Fast.
“Icanseeyouaren’tconvinced,”Alistairstates,hisgazelockedontomine,hiseyeslikechipsofice “They’rebaitingyou, Ever.Thenewfaction,theywantariseoutofyou orpossibly,they’regunningforusthroughyou.”
“Me?” Iscoff, butmyheartraces atthe thought These games were never justgames They’re chess moves ina twisted powerplay.
“Bysneakingout,you’rehandingyourselftothemonasilverplatter,”Alistaircontinues,histonesharp
The realisationsettles like lead inmystomach. Mystubborn, independentstreakcould end up costingmore thanjustmy pride.
“Ever,yougetit,don’tyou?”Bensayssoftly.It’snotaquestionsomuchasaplea. FlickingmygazebacktoAlistairasheistheoneleadingthischargeagainstmyself-reliance,Isay,“Yes,YourGrace.” Hegrowlssoftly,hiseyestwoslitsasIgivehimexactlywhathewants,eventhoughmyindependencescreamsagainstthe concession.
“Good,”Alistairsays,hisshouldersrelaxingslightly “It’ssettledthen” Iglanceateachofthem,seeingtheharshlinesofworrysoften.Inthisdangerousgame,Ican’taffordtobetheweakestlink notwhenthestakesarethishigh Alistairisright I’vebeenafool,handingthesepeopletheopportunitytocomeatme But whathe says makes sense. Ifthis is the new faction, thenI’mtheir prime target. Itmeans theydon’tgive too muchofa shit abouttheguy’sinfluenceiftheyaren’ttheretowitnessit.Buttheymustbeprettyfuckingstupidtokeeptrying,isallIcansay. Look at what happened to Stanley, Robbie and Eric Mystomachchurns,butIswallowandpushitdown.I’mnotthinkingaboutthat.It’sonmy‘thanks,butnothanks’list. “Ifthat’s all,Ineedtogetbacktoclass,” Isay,mywords cuttingthroughthe tensioninthe room “Myacademic record meanssomethingtome.Nowmorethanever.”
Damiennods,detachinghimselffromthewall hispreferredplace Iwonderifit’sbecausethennoonecansneakupon him. Maybe I should try that. He moves innext to me, his presence is bothcomforting and unnerving like a stormcloud promisingrainbutholdingbackthedeluge.Thedistanceinhiseyescontradictstheproximityofhisbody.It’sunsettling.
“Let’sgothen,”hesays,voiceflat,yettheundercurrentsripplewithsomethingunspoken He doesn’tgive me a chance tohave a lingeringgoodbye withthe guys,whichIfindunsettles me more,especiallyafter whatBenand Ishared Itwas beyond how Iimagined our talkwould go, butitwas perfect Itdefinitelygoes some wayto erasingtheclaimingfromtheritual.
DamienandIwalksidebyside,ourshouldersnearlytouching.Thesilencehangsheavybetweenus,acurtainIcan’tseem todrawback.Istealaglanceathim,tryingtodeciphertheriddlesetchedinthetightlinesofhisjaw,thefurrowedbrow.My hearttwistswithconfusion.WhyishepullingawayjustasAlistair,Ben,andCharliegrowcloser?
Ifeel like I’mbalancingona knife-edge, myemotions for eachofthemsharp anddangerous The thoughtofchoosingis impossible howcanIpickasinglestarwhenthewholeconstellationbeckons?Isthatevenwhattheywant?Theyallseemto wantme,butisitacompetitiontoseewhogetsmeforthelonghaul,oraretheyexpectingmetotakeallofthematthesame time?Iguessthatissomethingonlytheycananswer.
OnceIgetupthegutstoask,ofcourse.
Aswestepontothequad,whispers slither likeserpents,eachhiss lacedwithvenombehindhands meanttodisguisethe hate.Myformerfriends,Lila,Crystal,Cass,andSasha,standhuddledtogether,theireyesflickingtomebeforeskitteringaway, guiltyandaccusingallatonce Thechillofisolationwrapsaroundmeeventighter Ihavenoonebuttheseguys Ican’tspeak tomyparents.Notyet.IneedtofigureouthowIfeelaboutthemlyingtomeallmylifefirst.
As we walkpast them, Lila’s voice carries inthe wind, edged withcruelty “Sneakingaround withthe Cardinals now Desperatemuch?”
“Guessshe’lldoanythingforabitofattention,”Crystaladds,hersnickerslicingthroughtheair.
“Pathetic,”Cassadds,whileSashaagreesloudly “Ditchingherfriendsforsomerichguys.There’sawordforthat.”
Their betrayal stings, a thousand needle pricks to myalreadyscarred trust Ikeep walking, myhead held high, buteach wordisaweightaddedtothewallI’mrebuildingaroundme.Damien’ssideglanceisasilentquestionormaybeanofferof solace,butIcan’treadhim
“Thoughtyourpresencewassupposedtoprotectmefromthisbullshit.”
Hesighs.“Yourfriendsarenotpartofthisotherside.Theydon’tknowthelengthswewillgotoinordertoprotectyou.”
“Please don’t hurt them,” I whisper, panic hittingmychest “They’re just hurt bythese rumours that I burned the house downandruinedtheirlives.”
Hisgazepiercesmine “Yourcompassionneverceasestoamazeme” “Amazeyou?Youlooklikethatstonegargoyleupthere,Damien.Zeroexpression.”Myirritationathisattitudeisfiringmy cylinders InaworldwhereIknownothing,Iwantsomefuckinganswers Heowesmethatmuch,Ithink
He doesn’tanswer rightaway. Whenhe does speak, his voice is soft, barelyabove the hiss ofderisionthatfollows us. “Ever,it’scomplicated.”
“Complicated,”Iecho,thewordtastinglikeash Iwanttorage,toscream,todemandanswers Butallthefightleavesme as quicklyas itrose. Instead, Iletthe silence wrap around us again, cold comfortas we navigate the treacherous waters of rumoursandlies
Wewalkon,astudyincontrasts:Damien,thestoicGuardianofthecampus,theonewhowatchesoverthewest,andme, thegirlcaughtwhoselifehasbeenrippedtoshredswithnoideahow tosew itbacktogetherandwonderingifthereiseven anypointintrying.
“Damien,” I say, stopping abruptly, forcing him to face me. “Did I... did I do something wrong?” My voice cracks,
betrayingtheturmoilinside.Seemsthere’sabitoffightleftinmeafterall.
Foramoment,there’sonlythesoundofourbreathingandthedistantechooffootsteps.Hisgreyeyes,usuallysoguarded, flickerwithsomethingIcan’tquitename “Ever,” he starts, and there’s a heaviness to his tone that sinks right into my bones. He leaves the sentence hanging, unfinished,andthespacebetweenusfeelslikeachasmIcan’tcross “Thisisn’taboutyou”
Iwanttobelievehim Ineedto,butdoubtisapersistentshadow,darkeningeverythought.“Thenwhatisitabout?”Iask, desperateforatruththatwillmakesenseofthechaos
Hereachesouttotracealinedownmycheekbeforepullingaway,andIfighttheurgetograbhishandandholdontohim. “Thingsaremovingfast,toofastforme.Ineedaminutetocatchup.”
“Toofastfor you?”Ibaulkathimandtheaudacity
Hesmilessadly.“Whenwesatinyourroom,kissedandheldeachother,wewereonequalfooting.Thathasshiftednow, andIneedtimetocometotermswiththat”
Ittakesmeafewsecondstograspwhatheistalkingabout.Ichokebackthenoiseofindignation. “Areyouserious?You’reblamingmefornotbeingavirginanymore?”
Hiseyesgowidewithshock.“What?No.Imean...no.”Hisfinalwordispunctuatedbyafingerjabtotheground. “Soundslikeittome.”
“It’s notthat We were the same,andnow we’re not Whenyoutake me,youwill have alreadydone that,anditwill be different.”
“WhenItakeyou?”
Helooksdown.“Ifthat’swhatyouwant.”
“Idon’tknowwhatIwant,”Ireplyhonestly.“Idon’tevenknowwhattheoptionsare.” “Thenask.”
Lettingoutabitterlaugh,Ishakemyhead.“Howeasyforyoutosay.” “Ichoosethis Ichooseyou,”hesays,andhishandfindsmine,hisgripfirmandcool “Youdon’tneedtochoose” Thecontactsendsajoltthroughme.Forasecond,Iletmyselfleanintohim,intothebedlamthatwe’vebecomeentangled in,andIfindaperversecomfortinit “Whateverthatmeans.”
Inthissharedsilence,somethingshifts,somebrittlebarriercrackingundertheweightofourcombineddefiance. Histhumbbrushesagainstmyknuckles,asmallbutsignificantgesture.Imeethisgaze,findinganunderstandingbetweenus atleast,thatneedsnowords.TherestI’mgoingtohavetodealwithsoonerratherthanlater.
MybarefeettapanervousrhythmagainstthesoftcarpetasIpacemyroom,thewordsofmyspeechswirlinginmyhead like leaves in a storm “The lineage of KnightsGate is both a blessing and a curse,” I mutter, glancing at the notes scatteredacrossmydesk.Thewallsfeeltooclose,suffocating,asifthey’reclosinginwitheverywhisperandsidelong glancethat’sbeenthrownmywaysinceIenteredthishouseofsecrets
“Hey,you’re doinggreat,” Charlie says,sprawledoutonmybeddressedonlyinlightgreyjoggers anda white tee.His wonderfullyever-changingeyes catchmine, bright witha mischief that cuts throughmyunease. “Just remember to breathe, Ever It’sjusthistory,andyoulovehistory Thisisjustyouspeakingonasubjectyoulove,right?”
Inod,tryingtobelievehim,butit’shardwhenmynamefeelslikeatargetonmybackrightnow.
Charliesitsup,hislightbrownhairatousledmessthatsomehowlooksintentional “Sayitwithconviction Likeyoumean it.”
“KnightsGatehasstoodforcenturiesasabeaconofknowledgeandprogress ”Istartagain,voicestrongerthistime,but theflutteringinmystomachdoesn’tcease.
Thedoor opens quietly,andAlistair steps in,his presencefillingtheroomlikesmoke.“Ever,you’vegotthis.”His blue eyesfindmine,seriousandintense Icanalmostseethegearsturninginhishead,alwaystwostepsahead Heiscladmuchthe sameasCharlie,yetitdoesnothingtodiminishthewavesofpowerandaristocracycomingoffhim.Inaweirdway,itfeels protective
“Thanks, Alistair,” I reply, feeling a thread of confidence weave through me. If anyone knows how to navigate the treacherouswatersofsociety,it’shim.
BenandDamienfollowAlistairintotheroom,andsuddenly,itfeelstoosmall,eventhoughthereisavastspacebetween usall.
“Yourspeechisinsightful,”Bensays,crossingovertomewithaconfidencethatmakesmesmileashekissesthetopofmy head, his white shirtsleeves rolled up starkagainsthis navyblue pants. “We will be there to give youstrength.” The calm reassuranceinhisvoiceissoothingthemessinmymind
Damienshootsmeasmallsmileashesitsonthebed,dressedinhisusualblackteeandjeans.
Their collective presence is a fortress,their beliefinme the shieldIdesperatelyneed.Itake a deepbreath,focusingon theirsupport.Foramoment,therumoursandthreatsfeeldistant,likeshadowschasedawaybythedawn.
Charliehopsoffthebedandwrapsanarmaroundmyshoulder,pullingmeintothefold.“You’vegotthis,Ever,”hesays witharareseriousnessbeneathhisusualjest Noddingasaknotformsinmystomach.
Then ask
Damien’swordscomeflyingbackatmetohitmeintheface,andIopenmymouth,butnothingcomesout.
“Whatisit?”Benasks,takingmyhandandgivingitasqueeze.I’mnotsureifithelpsormakesthingsworse.
“ThereissomethingIneedananswerto Rightnow Thisthingbetweenus Whatisit?I’mnotsureIcanchoosebetween you...”TheroomfeelssuffocatingasIstruggletogetthesewordsout.
Damien’s brow furrows, Charlie’s easy smile fades, and Ben’s hand tightens around mine But it’s Alistair who steps forwardwithanintensitythatpinsmeinplace.
“Whoisaskingyoutochoose?We’renotacrossroadsyou’reforcedtonavigate;we’rethecompassthatguidesyou,angel Allofus.”
Iblink,takenabackbythecertaintyinhistone.It’smadness,thisideaofnotchoosing,yetitoffersastrangecomfort,likea
lighthousebeamcuttingthroughfog However,confusionwinsout.
IstareatAlistair,hisdeclarationechoingintheroom Mymindraces,trippingoverthoughtsandpossibilitiesI’venever evendaredtoimagine.
“Isthatevenpossible?”Imurmur Thenotionofbelongingtoeachofthemfeelsforeign,alandscapetoovastandintricate to navigate. It’s not just about hearts and bodies; it’s about histories, futures, and souls intertwining in ways I can’t fully understand Idon’thavetheexperiencetograspthis Damienstepscloser.“Weseeyou.Allofyou.Andwe’renotbackingdown.”
Iclosemyeyes,tryingtocentremyself.Butmemoriesfloodinunbidden thedark,dankundergroundchamberwheremy life changed forever The fear, the pain, the figures that haunt my dreams I shiver despite the warmth from the bodies surroundingme.
Butanunexpectedcalmpiercesthroughtheturmoil Theseguysmayhavebeentheonestoshattermeintoamillionpieces, butthey’reherenow,holdingthosepiecestogether.
It’sfucked-up,butit’stheharshtruth
“Ever,”Charlie’svoiceisgentle,pullingmebacktothepresent.
Openingmyeyes,Ilookatthem.Maybethere’snoneedforchoiceswhenyourheartdoesn’tsegmentitself.Maybelove, therealgrittykind,isn’taboutchoosingasinglesafeharbourbutbravingtheopenseawithafleetatyourside
“Ineedtobeclear,”Isay,steadyingmyvoiceasmuchasIcan.“I’minunchartedwatershere.”Mygazeflickstoeachof them Alistair with his regal posture, Ben’s thoughtful frown, Charlie’s encouraging grin, and Damien’s inscrutable stare “Thisisnewforme,andIneedustotakethisslow.”
“Slowisgood,”Damiensays.“Ilikeslow.We’llnavigatethisatyourpace,Ever.”
“Andyours,”Imutterwithafrown,rememberingwhathesaidearlieroncampusaboutthismovingtoofast.
Asilentpactforms,anunderstandingthatwe’reall treadingintounknownterritory,butwearedoingittogether.We’rea knottoocomplextountie
“Okay,”Imurmur.“Okay.”
Theweightoftheimpendingnighthangsheavyonmyshoulders.Ever’seyesarewideandflickeringwithanervousfire. Therestofthemenarehere,casual,calm It’sthewayithastobe
“Stopfretting,”ImurmurtoEver,myhandfindinghers,givingitareassuringsqueeze.Shetriestosmile,butitcomes outmorelikeagrimace
Ipullherclose,myarmslippingaroundherwaist,andsheleansintome,herbodylanguagescreamingrelief.“It’sokay,”I whisper,pressingmylipstohertemple.Thesoftnessofherhairundermynoseisfamiliarandsoothing.
She’s scared, and I don’t blame her What we’re about to do is not for the faint-hearted, even though she is blissfully unawareoftherealreasonforthismeeting.
Herphonerings,andshefrowns,pullingawaytoanswerit
Herfacepales,andshepressesherlipstogetherasiftostopherselffromcrying.“Okay.Iunderstand.Thankyouforthe opportunity”
BenandIexchangealingeringglance.Heraisesaneyebrow,andIknowwhatthephonecallisabout.
“I’vebeenfired,”Everblurtsoutandburstsintotears.“Theysaidtheyneededsomeonemorereliablethanastudentwho canonlyworksomanyhoursaweekandoncertaindays Fuck Fuck!WhatamIgoingtodo?Itwasn’tmuch,butitwasmine Shit.IknewwhentheyrangmetheotherdaytosayitwasquietandIdidn’tneedtocomeinthatsomethingwaswrong!”
“Ever,therewasnowayyoucouldhavegoneintoworklastweekendanyway”
“ButIgotsacked!”
“Itdoesn’tmatter. Youwill find somethingelse, or, better yet, youwill focus onyour studies and maybe find something after.”I’mtestingthewaterandherlimits.Shewon’tacceptthislyingdown.Sheisfuriousandupset,butshewouldbemore soifsheknewitwasuswhoremovedherfromherwork.It’stoorisky,toomuchofavariable.Anythingcouldhappentoher there,evenwithusstandingoverher
Ipull her tomeandkiss her foreheadandher cheeks,chasingawaythetears ofragefromher eyes.“This is fine,angel. Youdon’tneedit”
Shesniffsandlooksaway,feelingdeflatedoversomethingthatwasn’therfault.Itpricksatmyconsciencemomentarily,but itisfleeting.Control.It’sallaboutthecontrolofhersafety.Nothingelsematters.
“I’llgetsomethingelse.It’sfine.I’vegotthis.”Evernods,herspinestraightening,theetherealqualitythatalwaysclingsto her,makingherseemlikesomewarriorqueenfromalong-forgottentale.
“Of course you do,” I murmur, hoping she soon has too much on her plate to forget about working and focuses on the mattersathand.“Let’smove.”
Everyonesnapstoattention:oldmoney,titles,legacy it’sallwovenintoourDNA,andtonight,weaddanotherthreadto thattwistedtapestry.
Tonight,wewalkthroughfire,butit’sanetthatEverneedsmorethananythingelserightnow. “Wait!”
Ever’sexclamationstopsmefromwalkingahead.
“Readittome,”shewhispers Iknowimmediatelywhatshemeans.“Youhaven’tlookedyet?”
Sheshakesherhead “Itwastoomuch,”sheadmits,hervoicecrackinglikethinice “Iwantedtoforget ButnowIneedto know.”
Ireachout,liftingthehemofhershirtgently.Myfingersgrazethescabsetchedintoherskin,andIforcemyvoicetobe
steady “InLight”Thelettersareraisedandredbuthealingnicely “InLight,”shemurmurs,butwhateverischurninginhermindremainslockedbehindthosestrikingeyes,asecretheldtight. Timeticksaway,slippingintothenightaswestandthere,boundbymorethanjustthescarsonherback “Comeon,weneedtoleave,”Isay,mythroatdry.
Shenods,andthegroupfallsintostepbehindusasIleadhertothecupboardunderthestairs Hersoftmoanofprotestis ignored,asthisistheonlywaywecangetwherewe’regoing.
Damienopensthehiddendoor,andwefiledownthetunnel,Ever’shandclutchingmineinadeathgrip,almostasifsheis expectingtoseethedeadbodiesandbloodpiledupwhereshelastsawthem.
They’renot.Thechamberhasbeencleanedandbleached,andshewhimpersinreliefaswepassthroughittotheopposite sidewhereapassagewayleadsintothemeanderingtunnelsundertheuniversity Theytwistandturn,leadingusdeeperintothe heartofsecrets.
“Welcome,”avoiceslicesthroughthesilenceasweemergeintoalargecavernundertheuniversitylibrary Wehalt,and theElderstepsfromtheshadows,hisfaceshroudedbythehoodofhiscloak.
Igivehimaregal nod,whichhereturns TheElder ismyuncle,mydad’sbrother Hispresencebringsupmemories,I’d ratherforget,soIfocusonEver.Itseemsweareallpushingshitasidetonight.
Ever’shandtremblesinmine,butherchinishigh.Isensethesteelinherspine shewon’tbreak,notundertheweightof hernameorthegazeoftheunknown
TheEldergesturesforustofollow.“Tonight,youjoinalineagethathasshapedempires.”Wemoveforward,therestofthe groupclosebehind HiswordsdirectedatEver,areasongmeanttoseduce,richwiththepromiseofpowerandunity
“YourmarkswillsymbolisetheKnightsGateshieldandcross,theessenceofyourbondandpurpose.”
IcatchEver’seye.There’saquestion,aflickerofuncertainty,butshemasksitquickly,herexpressionunreadableasshe closesoff.
“Commitment,”Isaysoftly,onlyforher,andforaheartbeat,Iseesomethinglikeboldnessflashacrossherfeatures.Then it’sgone,burieddeep,aswestepintothecircleoftheancientgathering Ever’sgazeflickerstothebrandingiron,glowingredinthedimlight.Hereyesarewidepoolsofconfusionandfear.
TheElderinthecentreofthecircleclearshisthroat,drawingourattentionbacktohim “Letusbegin,”hesays,histone commandingyetlacedwithreverence.It’sasifeverywordisapieceofhistory,echoingthroughtheages.
Onebyone,themenstepforward.There’snohesitationintheirmovements,justagrimacceptanceofwhat’stocome.The heatfromthebrandingironwaftsoverus,remindingmeofhellfire apurging,aconsecration.
Charlie’sthefirst,rollinguphissleevewithagrinonlyhewouldgiveinthefaceofupcomingpain.Asthebrandpresses againsthisskin,hisjawtightens,butnosoundescapeshislips
“Fuck,”Everhissesbesideme.“Whatthefuckisthis?” “Rites”
Shegivesmeafuriousglarefornotwarningher,butshedoesn’trun,makingmeevenmoreproudofher.
Benisnextashenodsatthemanholdingtheiron.There’saquietstrengthinhim,asteadfastnessthattellstheworldhe’s beenreadyforthismomentallhislife
Damienholdshiswristout,andwhenthesizzleoffleshhitsourears,hesmilesslowly,relishinginitashisdemonsgetthe paintheyseek
I’mnext.Theheatfromthebrandingironisapromiseofpainasitnearsmyskin.Idon’tflinch;it’snotevenanoption.The acridsmellofsearedfleshhitsmynostrils,andit’slikeabaptismofsorts
Theburnisdeep,asymboloftheoathI’vetaken,carvingitswayintomylegacy.Iseetheworryandabjectfearflickerin Ever’seyes,butInodather,reassuringwithoutwords.
Thesilencearoundusisalivingthingaswewaitfor Ever tostepup,everybreathheld,everyeyeonher slender form She’spale,lipspressedintoaline,butsheisthestrongestpersoninthisancient,shadow-drapedroom.
Weallknewitwascoming Shedidn’t “Fuck,”Imurmur,prideswellinginmychest.
Withthehissofsearedflesh,she’sbecomepartofsomethingmore partofus,boundbyfireandwill Ourwristsbearthesamemarknow,rawandredagainstourskin.It’snotjustinkorabadge it’sabrand,asharedburn that’llscaroverbutneverfade.Welookdownatthem,feelingtheweightofwhatwe’vejustswornto,thebondwe’veforged. It’saspermanentasthelegacywecarry,asenduringasthechallengesahead
Ever’shandtremblesslightlyasshetouchestheraisedskin,herfacebetrayingnothingofthepainIknowshefeels.
“Remember,” the Elder says, his voice echoingoddlyagainst the stone walls, “this markisn’t just burnand scar It’s a promisetothelegacyofKnightsGate.Youcarryourhistory,oursecrets,andthefutureofthissectonyourskin.”
Hiswordswraparoundus,areminderthat’saschillingasitistrue.We’vecrossedalinetonight;there’snogoingback. Thebrandingironmighthavesearedourflesh,butit’shiswordsthatbrandourminds.Wefeeltheweightofcenturiesresting onourshoulders,aburdenwe’vebeenchosentobear.
