“W
hat’sgotyouinsuchasourmood?”Kashasked.
Gunnergroundhisteethtogether.“I’mnotsour,”helied.Hehadgottentochurchtooearly.Whyhadhegottenthere soearly?Ohyeah,becausehe’dbeeninahurrytogetawayfromhisranch.
“HowarethingsgoingwithRockyandBullwinkle?”Kashasked Gunner’sjawstartedtohurt.
Bella,Kash’sgirlfriend,giggled “Isthatreallytheirnames?”
GunnerwaitedforKashtoanswerher,buthedidn’t,becausethatwouldhavebeenanormalthingtodo.“No,”Gunnersaid withoutlookingather.HelikedBella,buthedidn’tlikesittingbesidetheobnoxiouslovebirds.They’dbeentogetherforover ayearnow Shouldn’tthegiddinesshavewornoffbynow?
Polly,Kash’sdaughter,musthavesensedhisuneasebecausesheslidoffthepewandcameandclimbedupontohislap.He wrappedanarmaroundhersoshewouldknowshewaswelcome “Sothenwhydidyoucallthemthat?”BellaaskedKash.
“Becausethat’stheirnames”
“No,it’snot,”Gunnersaid.Hewasgoingtohavetofindanewpew.Butthenhe’dhavetositalone.Andhewouldn’tbe able to sitinthe backanymore. He was glad his brothers had all renewed their interestinGod, buthe resented thatthey’d infiltratedhisbackpew peace Hetookabreath NoneofthiswasBella’sfault,andhedidn’twanttoberudetoher “They didn’tevenknow eachother whenIhiredthem.Rocky’snameis Rocky.”HegaveKashsomeside-eyethathehopedwould scold him, but Kash only laughed “And the other man’s name is Simon His nickname is Bull Kash here has named him Bullwinkle,butIbetthefarmthathewouldnever,eversaythattohisfacebecauseBullwouldsquashhimlikeastinkbug.”
Pollygiggled “Stinkbug,”sherepeated
“Oh.”BellaelbowedKash.“Stopcallinghimthat.Idon’twanttohavetovisityouinthehospital.” Kashlaughed.“Don’tworry.IammanenoughtorunawaywhenIneedto.”
Gunnerrolledhiseyes SometimesKashremindedhimofagoat Goofy,stubborn,anddumb,butentertainingenoughthat peoplekepthimaround.
The service started, and Gunner silentlythanked God He stood for the openinghymnand kept Pollyinhis arms, even thoughshewasgettingheavyforthis.Hewoulddoitwhilehecould.HisbrotherColton’swifeAdelinewasexpecting,sohe hopedPollywouldlethimholdheruntilhecouldholdthatlittleguy.Orgirl.
Gunnerhadacceptedthathewouldneverhavekidsofhisown hewasfortynow,afterall buthe’dfoundthathereally likedbeinganuncle,sohewantedDenver,Colton,Ryker,andTucker tohavelots ofkids.As awesomeas Pollyhadturned out,hewasn’tsureitwassafeforKashtoreproduceanymore
Theyall satafter the hymn,andanelder approachedthe pulpitwearinga somber face.He sharedthatKathyFeeldyhad died the nightbefore Ahushfell over the congregation This was incrediblysad, as she’d beenyoungand leftthree young childrenbehind,butshe’dalsobeensickforalongtime,andtheyallknew thattheendmightbenear.Herhusbandhaddied onlyayearbeforeinaloggingaccident.Gunnerfeltalittlesickwonderingaboutwhatwouldhappentothekids.
He knew thatKathyhadanolder daughter too,andhe scannedthe roomfor her,findingher near the frontwithher head bowed. The elder wentonto askfor prayers for Kathy’s oldestdaughter, Nova, whichreminded Gunner ofher name. Nova wasacoolname Theprayerrequestwasvague,butitsoundedlikeNovawastryingtogetcustodyofhersiblings,andthatthis wasn’tgoingwell.
Theelderledaprayer,andGunner’sheartwentouttothewomansittinginthefrontpewallalone Despitehowtiredshe looked,shewasbeautiful.Herlong,thick,wavyhairmadehimthinkofautumnleaves.Herangularfacemadeherlookstrong. Aftertheamen,theystoodforanotherhymn,andBellaasked,“Howoldarethekids?” “Theoldesttworidemybus,”Kashsaid “There’sathirdoneinpre-school” “Idon’tgetit,”Bellasaid.“She’stheirsister,right?Whywouldn’ttheygivehercustody?” “Becauseshe’s crazy,”Kashsaid ComingfromKash,Gunnerknewthiswasn’taninsult Itcouldmeanavarietyofthings, andnoneofthemnegative.He’dprobablymeantthatshelivedlifeonthewildside likehe’ddoneforalongtime. “Don’tsaythat,”Bellascoldedhim Sheobviouslyhadn’taccuratelytranslatedKash’scomment “No,really,”Kashsaid.“She’satotalhippie.Shefollowssomefolkbandaroundthecountryinavan.CPSwantsyouto bemarried,employed,andhavingaplacetolivebeforethey’llgiveyoukids.”
Gunner’schestached Noonewasgoingtolovethosekidsliketheirownfamily. Itwasn’tfair ToNovaorhersiblings
“No,please,” Nova cried.“Notnow!” She tappedher van’s instrumentpanel withone finger,thoughshe knew full well thathervanhadbiggerproblemsthanafaultygaugeortwo.
Itwasmakingadeathrattle.
Thegaspedaldidn’tdoanything Shetoldherselftobegratefulthatshestillhadbrakes,butshedidn’tneedthemnow OldYellerwasslowingdownonitsown.
Shelookedupfromtheconsoletoseeacurlofsmokeescapefromunderherhood Thedeathrattlegavewaytosilence, andthevancoastedtoastop.
Novaguidedittotheedgeoftheemptyroadandthenlaidherheadonthesteeringwheel. Don’t cry Don’t cry
Shetookadeepbreathandsatup Shehadenoughproblems Beingemotionallystablewasprettymuchtheonlythingshe hadgoingforher.Soshehadto stay emotionallystable.
Itwasalreadywarmingupinthevan
Sherolledthewindowdownandtookoffheroutershirt.There,thatwasbetter.Thiswastanktopweather,anyway.
Shecheckedherancientprepaidphone,notexpectingtohaveasignal Shedid,though But,whowasshegoingtocall? Shehadfriends,sure,butnonewithinfivehundredmiles.
Sheclosedhereyesandwhispered,“Idon’tthinkI’veeverneededyoumorethanIneedyounow.Idon’tknowwhattodo. Pleasetellme Ifyouwantmetogiveup,pleasetellme Ifyouwantmetokeeptrying,pleasesendmeasign” She sensed more thanheard someone comingup behind her. She looked inthe rearview mirror to see a pickup coming. “Lord,pleaselethimbekind”Rich,handsome,andsinglewouldbegoodtoo,butkindnesswasallshereallyneeded Thetruckslowedandthencreptbyher.Betweenthewindowandthecowboyhathewore,shecouldn’tgetagoodlookat hisface Thenshelaughedoutloudwhenhepulledoverinfrontofhervan,andshesawthathehadtwogoatsinthebackofhis truck.
Hegotoutofthetruck. Whoa. Thatwasonetalldrinkofwater.Andhelookedfamiliar.
“Havingtrouble?”heasked Hisvoicewasdeepbutsoft,masculinebutgentle Shetoldherselftogetagrip.
“Itmadealoud clunk clunk clunk,andthenitjuststopped Andthere’ssmoke” “Iseethat.”Hepattedthehood.“I’lltakealook.”
Shepoppedthehoodandgotoutofthevan,checkinghimoutwhilehiseyesweretoobusytocatchherdoingso.Hewas olderthanher,agifttobluejeans,and where didsheknowhimfrom?
Sure, she’d grownup around here, but she’d forgottenmost everythingand everyone fromher childhood. Most ofit on purpose
“Lookslikeyou’vegotsomeheadgaskettrouble,”hesaid,straightening. “Soundsserious”
Hewipedhishandsonhispants.“Isupposethat’suptoyou.” Huh?
“IknowagoodmechanicinWestHope,butyou’reheadedinthewrongdirection.”Helookeduptheroad.“Areyoutrying togettoRapid?”
“I’vebeencampingatBearCreek?” Why did I just say that like it was a question? He nodded. “Well, Icangive youa ride there. Icancall Rodneyfor you, and have ittowed backto WestHope, to his place,orifyou’repressedforcash,I’msurehe’dtowittomyplace” Wow,thatwasreallygenerousofhim. Hestaredather,waitingforheranswer.
“I’msorry,”shestammered “Youlooksofamiliar IfeellikeIshouldknowyou” Helookedalittlescared.
“Pleasedon’tbeoffended I’mreallybadwithfaces ”Whenhestilldidn’tsayanything,sheadded,“Andnames” Asmallsmilecreptontohislips.
“Wegotothesamechurch MynameisGunner”
Thatmadesense.Therewerealotofpeopleatthatchurch,andshedidn’tknowanyofthem.“Well,it’sgreattomeetyou, Gunner.Thankyouforstopping.”Themomentgrewawkward,andhereyesflickedtohistruck.
Oneofthegoatslookedatherandletoutabone-chillingscream
Shecouldn’thelpbutgiggle.Itwasascaryscream,forsure,butalsofunny.“Whereareyoutakingyourgoats?”
“Totheirnewhome,justthissideofRapid”
“Areyoulikesomekindofgoatsalesman?”
Hechuckled “No Irunagoatrescue”
Herkneeswobbledabit.Wasshereallygoingtofallinlovewiththismanstandinghereonthesideoftheroadinhundred-
degreeheat?
Maybe.
No,shetoldherself Shedidn’thavetimeforthis “I’mhappytogiveyoualifttoyourcampground.”
Whatwasshegoingtodo?“Thanks,butIcan’treallycampatthecampgroundwithoutOldYeller” Helookedaround,andsherealizedhewaslookingforadog.
“That’swhatIcallmyvan OldYeller” “Oh...”hesaidslowly.“Well,Icantakeyouanywhereyouwant?”
Thetroublewas,shedidn’tknowwhereshecouldgo.
“Uh ”Helookedathistoes “BecauseIwasinchurchthismorning,Iknowalittleaboutyoursituation SoI’mnottrying tobenosyorcreepyorwhatever...butIhavearanchinWestHope.We’vegotaspareroomifyouneedaplacetocrash.I alreadyhavetworanchhandsstayingwithmeifthatmakesitlessweird”
Shewantedtojumponthatlikeatrampoline,butshedidn’twanttofreakhimoutwithhereagerness,soshetriedtoplayit demurely Shepretendedtothinkaboutit “Sure,I’dbegrateful”
“It’snotmuch,”hesaidquickly.“It’snottheBannonranchoranything.It’sactuallykindofancientand ”
“It’llbeperfect,”shesaidbeforehecouldfinishinsultinghisownranch.
“Allright YoumindifIdropthegoatsofffirst?”
Thegoatscreamedagainandbangeditshornsintothemetalcrate.Shewaitedforabreakintheruckustosay,“Notatall.” Shecertainlyhadnothingelseonherschedulefortheevening She’dbeenplanningonacampfireandapaperbackbylantern light.“Letmegrabmythings.”Shehurriedlyshovedasmuchasshecouldintoherover-sizedknapsack,butassumingthathis ranchhadelectricity,sheleftherlanternbehind.
Shelockedall thedoorsandthendoublecheckedthem.“Sorry,”shesaid,feelingself-conscious.“Idoubtanyonewould trytorobavanthatlookslikethis,buteverythingIownisinthere.”
“Noproblem I’minnohurry”
Sheglancedatthebackofthetruck.“Iwasthinkingmoreofyourgoats.Theyhavetobehot.”
“They’llbefine Theyjustliketocomplain”Didshedetectahintofsadnessinhisvoice?
Chapter4
The radiowas playinga sadsong,andNova was workinghardtoignore itwhenthe handsome semi-stranger pulledhis truckintoashortdriveway.Thedrivewayledtoadoublewidetraileronaverysmalllot.Whereweretheygoingtoput thegoats,thebasement?
“WereyouaroundfortheBlackHawksinkhole?”Gunnerasked “Thewhat?”
Hepointedouthiswindow “Seethatfence?”
“Yeah?”Behindthefencesatatleastahalfdozenhouses,butthegrassontheir lawnslookedtobewaisthigh.Itlooked likeascenefromanapocalypsemovie.
“Afewyearsago,agiantsinkholeopenedup,”heexplained,“andthosehousesstartedsinking” “What?”shecried.“IsthatathinginSouthDakota?Giantsinkholes?”She’dgrownuphere,butshecouldn’trememberany storiesabouttheearthtryingtoeathouses She’dforgottenmostofherchildhood,butsheknew herselfwell enoughtoknow thatsomethinglikethatwouldhavestuckwithher.
“I’veneverheardofanothercase Thosehouseswerebuiltonanoldgypsummine”
Thatdidn’tmakemuchsense.“Didtheynotknowtheminewasunderthem?” “I’mnotsureifthepeoplewho built thehousesknew,”Gunnersaidslowly,“butI’dbewillingtobetthatthepeoplewho bought thehousesdidn’tknow”
Shescootedalittleclosertohimforabetterlook.Ifitwerethiseeriefromfaraway,sheimagineditwouldbespectacular upclose “Canyougodowninthemine?”
“Noidea.”
“Weshouldgotry”
Gunner’sheadsnappedherway.“What?”
Shelaughed.“Yeah,wouldn’titbecooltogoin?Ilovecaves.”
“It’snotacave It’sanoldmine,andthatwouldbeareallybaddecision”Henarrowedhiseyes “Aren’tyousupposedto beonyourbestbehaviorrightnow?”
Ohyeah Shestraightened,feelingappropriatelychastised Hewasright Shehadtostopthinkingaboutfunandadventure EverythingwasaboutGabby,Conley,andMonanow.Herfunwasdone,sothatshecouldgive them thefunnestlifepossible.
Gunnerlookedoutthewindshield.“Herecomeournewgoatowners.”
Novalookedtoseeablondewomaninasundress,andalittlegirlwiththesameblondehairrunningtowardthetruck.Her longlocksflewoutbehindher,andhersmilespreadfromeartoear.
Theydidnotlooklikegoatfarmers
Gunnergotoutofthetruck,andNovawonderedifitwasokaytofollow.Theystartedchatting,andshecouldn’tmakeout whattheyweresaying Shefeltleftout,soshegotoutofthetruck
Gunnerstifflyintroducedherashisfriend,butSophiaandherdaughterMadisonweretooexcitedaboutthegoatstocare aboutNova.IfGunnerhadn’tmadeintroductions,theywouldn’thavenoticedshewasthere.
Gunnerwenttothebackofthetruck,andMadisonfollowed.Again,worriedthatshemightmisssomething,Novawenttoo and gotthere justas Gunner was scoopingthe firstgoatoutofthe giantcrate and loweringitto the ground. Itbleated what sounded more like a complaintthana thanks Thenittrotted offtwentyfeetto the rightbefore itturned to lookbackfor its friend.Theywerereallyclosetothestreet.Granted,itwasemptyofvehicles,butstill,wasn’tGunnerbeingalittleblaséwith hisgoatsupervision?
Butthen,whenheloweredthesecondgoattothedirt,thefirstoneranbacktohim,somaybethegoatfarmerknew more aboutgoatsthanshedid.
Madisongiggledandreachedouttopatoneofthegoats,whojerkedawayfromhertouch Shestuckoutatremblingbottom lip.
Gunner grabbedthegoatbythecollar andsquatteddowntobeeyelevel withthemboth “Don’tworry She’s beingshy She’s not used to riding in the truck. But in a few days, she’s going to be falling in love with you and begging for your attention”HeguidedMadison’slittlefingerstothespotbetweenthetwohorns
Madisongiggledandscratchedthegoat’shead.
Thistime,thegoatlether.“See?”Gunnersaid.“She’sfallingalready.” Shewasn’ttheonlyone
Themomsteppedcloser.“Comeon,honey,let’sshowthemtheirnewhome.”
“Thisiswhereshelikestobescratched”
Gunner grabbed one ofthe collars “Show us the way” Sophia turned and started walking, and Gunner followed, gently tuggingononeofthegoat’scollars.Afterabriefhesitation,thesecondgoatfollowed.
Nova,feelingdistinctlyoutoftheplace,broughtuptherear
Behindthetrailer,inasmallbackyard,wasthesmallestbarnshe’deverseen.Itwascobbledtogetherfromdifferentkinds
ofwood. Some ofthe boards had fadingpaintonthem red turned pink, a yellow thatalmostmatched her van, and a minty green.
Itwasthemostbeautifulbarnshe’deverseen Herheartachedwithadesiretobuildabarnjustlikethatforhersistersand brother.
Unlikethebarn,themetalfencearounditlookedbrandnew
“Nicefence,”shesaid,reachingouttogiveitashake.Yep,itwasassturdyasitlooked.
Sophiasmiled “Isn’titgreat?Gunnerbuiltitforus”
Novalookedathimwithaneyebrowraised.“Thatisonefull-servicegoatdelivery.”
Gunnerlaughed.“That’sonethingI’velearnedfromallmygoattime howtobuildfences.”
“Iwouldnever haveaskedhimtodoit,”Sophiasaid Sheputher armaroundher daughter’sshoulder asGunner ledthe goatthroughthe gate and into their tinynew pasture. “ButMadisonhere reallywanted goats,and Ijustwasn’tequipped for themyet,soGunnerspedupthetimeline”
“Soyoubuiltthebarntoo?”Novaasked.
Gunner’snodwasbarelyperceptible,butSophiasaid,“Isn’titgreat?Justtherightsize”
Gunner pulled the gate shutand nodded toward the ground. “They’ll eatthe grass inhere before sundown. Do youhave hay?”
Sophianoddedandpointedtoawoodshedbehindthehouse “We’regoodtogo” “Great.Callmeifyouneedanything.”
Sophiathankedhim,andthenMadisonrantohimandhuggedhisleg “Thankyou!”shechirped Hereacheddownandrubbedthetopofherhead.“You’rewelcome,pipsqueak.Youtakegoodcareofthem,allright?” Shegiggled.“Iwill.”
Nova fell into step withGunner, and theywere wordless ontheir wayto the truck, butwhenshe climbed in, she sensed somethingwaswrong.“Areyouokay?”
Heclearedhisthroat “It’salwaysbittersweetfindingthemnewhomes I’mhappy,ofcourse Thisisalwaystheplan,butI getattachedtothemindividually,andthenImissthem.”
Wow, who was this guy? He looked like a big, toughcowboy He looked like a guywho had never evenencountered a feeling,letalonesufferedfromone.
“It’sareallycoolthingyou’redoing.”
Hedidn’tsayanything,andthesilencefeltoppressive.
“Soaretheygoingtobejustpetsforthem?”
“Sophiasaidthatshewantstomilkone,butI’mthinkingthey’llmostlybepets,yeah”
Theywere quietfor a minute, and Nova was sad to be drivingawayfromthe sinkingvillage. Inanattemptto focus on futureadventuresinsteadofmissedones,shesaid,“SoI’mnow headedtoagoatrescuewhereI’mgoingtospendthenight Mighttherebeanybabygoatsatthisranchofyours?”Sheletherhoperingoutloudandclear.
“Onlyaboutadozen.”
Shecouldn’thelpbutsqueal
GunnerjumpedwhenNovasquealed.Wow,thiswomanwasreallyexcitedabouttheprospectofbabygoats.
“CanIcuddlethem?”
“Sure.”
Sheclappedherhands “Man,thatisthe best news Infact,that’stheonlygoodnewsI’vehadinawhile” “I’msorry,”hesaidandmeantit.
“Thanks”Shewentfromgiddytosoberonadime “It’ssomuch Idon’treallyknowwhattosayaboutit” “That’sokay.Iwasn’taskingyoutosayanything.”
Shesighed.“Iwaswithmymomattheend.I’mtheonewhotookcareofher,tookcareofthekids,butIguessthelandlord wasjustitchingtokickheroutbecauserightaftershediedtheytoldmethatherleasehadbeenupawhileago” “Really?”Hescratchedhisbeard.Thatdidn’tsoundverySouthDakotaofthem.
“Yeah,really Ithinkshemighthavebeenabitbehindonthepayments Shewasbehindoneverythingneartheendbecause themedical billswerejustsomuch.Anyway,Ithoughtitwouldbesimple,youknow?She’dleaveusforheaven,andthenI couldkeeplivingthereandjustgetajobandtakecareofthekids Istilldon’tunderstandhowitgotsocomplicated,butman ...itreallydid.”
“Wherearethekidsnow?”
“They’re ina temporaryfoster home,whichI hate Idon’tknow these people Idon’tknow thatmysiblings are safe or scaredorcoldor...”Shegotchokedup,andhewantedtoreachacrossthecabandcomforther,buthedidn’tknowhow. “Anyway,” she continued after several seconds, “theyare together for now, butthere’s no guarantee thatthey’ll staythat way.”
“CPSjustsaidno?Didtheytellyouwhatyouneededtochangetobeabletotakecareofthem?”
“Notreally,”shesaidangrily.“ThewomanI’mdealingwith,sheisarealpuritan.Shehatesme.Ithinkshe’dthrowrocks atmeifshecoulddoitwithoutgettingarrested.”
Hischestgrewhot,andhebecamehead-to-toeuncomfortable Surelyshewasexaggerating?
“ShesaidthatIhadtogetajob,whichobviously Iknewthat.HowelsewouldIsupportthreekids?Butshesaiditlikeit wouldneverhaveoccurredtome,andsheactedthesamewayaboutfindingaplacetolive Duh Iknowthatkidsneedaplace tolive,butIhadbeenthinkingthatwecouldstayinmymom’sapartment,soIwascompletelyblindsidedbytheeviction,and shejustgavemenotimetorecoverfromthat.Iwastryingtoplanthefuneralandtryingtodealwithherandstillhelpthekids withtheirgrief,allatthesametime.Andshealsosaid...”Hervoicecrackedagain,andshedidn’tfinishhersentence.
SoKashhadbeenright?Howoftendid that happen?Novahadn’tfinishedherlastsentence.Hadshebeenabouttosaythat thiswomanhadalsosaidthatsheneededtogetmarried?Gunnercouldn’timaginethatthiswouldbeaqualificationinthisday andage,butNovahadalsosaidthatthiswomanwasaPuritan,somaybe?Gunnerhadbeenaccusedinthepastofbeingnaive; maybehejustdidn’tunderstandhowthesethingsworked
“I’msorry,” she said a minute later whenshe’d recovered. “Ididn’tmeanto unload onyou. Youhardlyknow me.” She lookedathim,andhefeltalittlesquirmyunderhergaze.“AndIsupposeit’salittlelatetoaskthissinceI’vealreadyvented alloveryourtruck,butwouldyoumindkeepingthisbetweenus?”
“Ofcourse,”hesaidquickly.
“Thanks It’snotthatI’mashamed I’mnot Inmyview,Ihaven’tdoneanythingwrong Theyarejudgingmeunfairly Ihave livedanawesomelife.Justbecauseit’snotaconventionalonedoesn’tmeanthatit’swrongorshameful.ButIlearnedlongago nottotrustpeopleinWestHopesoI’dratherkeepthemoutofmybusiness”
In West Hope? hethought.WestHopewas incrediblyfriendlyandhelpful.Whatwas shetalkingabout?“Whataboutour church?”
Sheleveledahardstareathim “Whataboutthem?”
“Didyougrowupthere?” “Sortof”
Hedidn’tknowwhatthatmeant.
“Did you growupthere?”shesaid Henodded.“Isuredid.Mymotherwasafixtureinthatplace.” “Andyoudon’trememberme?” “Doyourememberme?”heasked Shelaughed.“Idon’t,butItrytoforgetthings.” Hedidn’tknowwhatthatmeanteither “Iwouldprobablyrememberyouifwewerecloserinage” Shewasstaringathimagain. “Imean,I’mquiteabitolderthanyou It’snotlikewewereinthesameSundayschoolclassorsomething” “Ithinkquite a bit isanexaggeration.Butanyway,I’mnotoffendedthatyoudon’trememberme.Whywouldyou?Alotof
kidshavegonethroughthatchurch.”
“Thatistrue.IaskedyouthatbecauseIwouldthinktheywouldbeabletohelpyou.”
“Yeah,right,”shescoffed
“Whatdoesthatmean?”Hefelthimselfbristleindefenseofhischurch.
“Imeanthat look,I’mjustnotbigonorganizedreligion”Shelookedoutthewindow Whatwasshetalkingabout?“I’mnotaskingyoutostartacommittee.I’mjustthinkingthattheycouldprobablyhelpwith thejobandtheplacetoliveand youknow,anythingelse”Hedidn’tknow ifthey’dfindher ahusband,butanythingwas possible.
Nova watchedthe fields roll pasther window.She was sayingtoomuch,butitwas sonice tohave someone interested enoughinher life to wantto listen. She wasn’tused to that. “I’msorry. I’mnottryingto be negative, butwhenIwas little,thepeopleinthatchurchwereprettyhorribletomeandmymom.”
“Theywere?”Hesoundedshocked
“Not all of them, of course, but it only takes a few kicks in the teeth to knock some loose. And yeah, my momwas a pregnantteen Thenshewasasinglemom AndIwaskindofanunrulykid Shewasagreatmominthatsheletmebeakid, buttherewerepeopletherewhosaidshewasn’tagoodmotherbecauseIwasalwaysrunningaroundwithallthisenergy.”She lookedathiscalm,stoicexpression.“Ibetyouwerejusttheopposite,weren’tyou?Ibetyounevergotintrouble.”
Heshiftedinhisseat “Somethinglikethat”Well,heobviouslydidn’twanttotalkabouthimself She’dhavetoworkon that,eventhingsoutalittle.“Sothewomenwhowererudebackthen,aretheyevenstillthere?”
Theywerefarmorethan rude,butshedidn’targue “Ihavenoidea AllIknowisIstartedgoingassoonasIgotbackto town.Ididn’twantto,butIknew Iwas goingtoneedall the GodIcouldgettogetthroughthis,andIwantedextra people prayingforme”
“Andwehavebeen.”
“Iknow.”Shewasbutcheringthis.Sheneededtostoptalking.“Butit’sbeenmonths,andnoonehastriedtoincludemein anything,noonehastriedtogettoknowme,andso,toansweryourquestion,no,Idon’tknowhowthechurchcouldhelpme I thinkthey’dprobablysidewithPriscilla.”
“Who’sPriscilla?”
“Sorry,theFamilyServicesSpecialistwhotookmybrotherandsistersawayfromme.”
Hesighed “I’msorrythatthechurchhasn’tmadeyoufeelathome AndeventhoughIwasaquietkid,Icanrelatetowhat you’resaying.”
“Really?”Herheadsnappedhisway.Whatdid that mean?
“Really Mymomwas a saint, and she was always at the church, always workingand helping, but our father was not alwaysatthechurch.Infact,heneverwas.Andeveryoneknewthathewasabig...well,hecouldbeunpleasant.Anyway,to makeitevenweirder,Iwasadopted,soyes,peoplewerenicetome Ididn’thaveitlikeyou ButtheyalwaystreatedmelikeI wasdifferent,andevenasayoungkid,IalwaysfeltlikeIdidn’tbelong.”
Herheartachegrew.“I’msosorry.”
“It’s okay.I’mperfectlycomfortable beingignorednow,butIjustwantedtosaythatIunderstand,a little,anyway.So,I could ask around and see if anyone there is hiring or knows someone who’s hiring.” Something in his voice gave her the impressionhedidn’treallywanttodothis
“Youdon’thavetodothat.Thanks,though.”
Heglancedather “Whatareyourskills?Imean,whatareyougoodat?”
Shelaughed.“Iplayameansnaredrum.”
He didn’t say anything, so she glanced at him, and his expression was hilarious. And a little bit adorable. He was stupefied.
“Otherthanthat,I’mgoodatkickingbackandenjoyinglife.AndthosearenotskillsthatCPSvalues.”
Hefrowned “Buthowhaveyoubeensupportingyourselfalltheseyears?Yeah,youliveinavan,butthatvanstillneeds gas.Youstillneedfood.”
“You’dbesurprisedathowlittleIneedtogetby ButIdowork Forstarters,Iofferyogalessonsontheroad Idothemfor free, but nearlyeveryone tips me. And sometimes I’ll runmerchtables for the bands. And occasionally, and I meanreally occasionally,I’llfillinforsomeoneonpercussion.”
“Really?”
Shelaughed.“Youdon’thavetosoundsoshocked.Andyes.I’mnotfillinginfor LynyrdSkynyrdor anything.Theseare small-timebands”
“Sorry.Ididn’tmeantooffend.”
“Youdidn’t Despite whatIjustsaid aboutthe churchfolk, I’mprettyhard to offend, and Igetthatpeople don’treally understandwhatmylifeislike.Orusedtobelike,Ishouldsay.”
“Butyou’redonewithallthat?”hesaidafteralongpause.“YoumadeitcleartoPatsyorPearlor ”
“Priscilla, yeah I made it clear But she acts like I’ma criminal, like I’ve been following bands around for less than honorablereasons.”
“Wow,thisisalot”
“You’renotkidding.”
“Andyou’reokay,leavingthatlifebehind?”
Shethoughtaboutthatforaminute.“Yeah,Ireallyam.”Shewouldmissit,butshecaredwaymoreaboutthekidsthanshe
Gunnerhadneverbeensogladthathe’dpulledovertohelpsomeonewithabroken-downvehicle andhe’ddoneitalot. This woman was downright fascinating. He wished that he could remember her from their childhood. Those would probablybesomeprettyentertainingmemories.
“Didyoukeepintouchwithyoursiblingswhileyouwereoutontheroad?”
“Honestly?Andpleasedon’ttellPriscillathis,butnotreally.”Sheheavedagreatsigh.“ThetruthisthatIlovedmymother dearly,butwedidn’treallygetalong EverytimeIwouldgohometovisit,shewouldgivemegriefabouthowIwaslivingmy life,howIwaswastingit.Whydidn’tIgetmarriedandsettledownlikeanormalperson?Andsothatwouldannoyme,andI wouldstayaway.AndsoIdidn’treallyknowthekidsthatwell,butthen...”
Hewaited Hedidn’twanttopress
“I’vebeentakingcareofher sinceshegotreallysick.Imovedinwiththem,andthesicker shegot,themoreIendedup takingcareofthekidstoo AndIjustgottoknowthem,andIfellinlovewiththem”Shelookedathim,hereyespleadingwith himtounderstand.“It’snotthatIjustlovethembecausetheyarefamily.Thereisthatkindoflovetoo,butIalsogottoknow themeachas individuals, and theyare eachso cool So eveniftheyweren’tblood, Iwould still love them Theyare great humans.”
Hethoughtshewasdonetalkingforawhile,butshetaggedon,“AndIwantthemtohavegreatlives,whichIdon’tthink they’re goingto have infoster care I don’t thinkI cangive themthe world It would probablybe a struggle to give them everythingtheyneedandwant,butatleastIwouldtry.Iwouldabsolutelyputthemfirst.”
Gunnerwassoimpressed Shewastakingonsomuch,andshesoundedlikeshereallywanted totakeitallon Thishadn’t allbeendumpedonher.She’dwillinglyscoopeditup.
“Well, Iwill help youinanywaythatIcan Mybrother’s girlfriend is a lawyer She used to be a lawyer here inWest Hope,butshemovedtoNewMexico.Still,shemightbeabletogivesomeadvice.Maybesheknowssomeoneherewhocould help.”
“WhydidshemovetoNewMexico?”
Gunner laughed, findingitfunnythatshe was more interested inthatthaninthe help Jenna mightbe able to offer. “She movedtheretobewithmybrother HaveyoueverheardofZionDenver?”
Shegasped.“Oh!IthinkIjustfiguredoutwhoyouare!”
Hechuckledruefully.“Great.”
Shelaughed.“Sorry!Iremember therewasthisbigfamily,andthatoneofthosebrothersnow starson Cheyenne. That’s yourbrother?”
“Yep”
“Soyou’reGunner...Denver?”
“Iamnot” Thank goodness “Theychangedhisname Sortof HisrealnameisDenverBridge IamGunnerBridge” She turned her whole bodyto face him. She now sat sideways, staringat him. This gave his self-esteema boost while simultaneouslyfrighteninghim.“Sowhataboutyourotherbrothers?Wherearethey?”
“Therestofthemarearound.Tuckerownsandrunsanoutfittingbusiness ”
“Outfitting?Likefashion?”
Helaughed “No,heguideshunts Andsometimeshiresotherguidestohelp”Heglancedather “Oh,youwerekidding” Shegiggled.“Justplaying.Goon.”
“AndColtonownsoneofthegymsintown Hegotmarriedrecently,andhiswifehasadancestudiointhegym” Shegasped.“Doessheteachadults?”
“Ihavenoidea.”Athoughtoccurredtohim.“Theymightbeabletorentstudiospacetoyouifyouwantedtostartayoga class”Whenshedidn’tsayanything,hesaid,“Itwouldn’tmakeyourich,butitwouldbesomething”Heglancedather Why wasn’tshesayinganything?
Sheshrugged “Maybe Goon”
Whydidn’tshe like thatidea? “So thenthere’s Ryker. He was a firefighter, and he gotinjured prettybadly. He doesn’t comeoutmuch,thoughhedoescomeoutmoresincehemetFrankie Thenthebabyofthefamily,ineverysenseoftheword,is Kash.He’sabusdriver.”
“Whydidyousayhewasababy?”
Oops, maybe he shouldn’thave said that Itwasn’tverynice “He’s justalways acted like a kid, butIhave to say, he’s gottenalotbettersincehemetBella.”
“Soundslikeallyourbrothersgetbetterwhentheymeetagoodwoman”
Hey,thatwastrue!Hehadn’treallyputthattogetherbefore.Ofcourse,heusuallydidn’tsitaroundevaluatinghisbrothers’ character “Notonlythat,butthesewomenhavealsobroughtuscloser together Westill fightconstantly,butitusedtobeso muchworse.”Hechuckled.“Thesewomenhavesortofdemandedthatweactcivil.”
“Goodforthem,”Novasaid. “Yeah,goodforthem.”
TheBridgeBrothers’RanchlookedjustlikeNovahadpicturedit excepttherewerenogoatsfrolickinginthefrontyard.
Gunnerhaddoneagoodjobofdescribingit,thoughhehadnotusedmanywords.Itlookedold,rundown,andinneedof someTLC.
Thepresentationdidnotimprovewhenshesteppedintothehouse Thelivingroomwasadisaster “Sorryforthemess,”Gunnersaid.“Ididnotrealizewhatslobswranglerscouldbe.”
“Theyliveinherewithyou,inthehouse?”
“It’snotideal,butit’stheonlyplaceIhaveforthem.It’saloteasiertofindhelpifIprovideroomandboard,andIcan affordtopaythemadecentwageifIletthemlivehere.Sofar,theyhaven’tcomplained.”Somethinginhistonemadeherthink that they might be complaining, but not in front of him He glanced up the stairs “They each get their own bedroom, but everythingelseiscommonarea.”
Shesensedthathedidn’tlovethisarrangement “Butyourranchismakingmoney,right?Sothisisn’tforever.” “Ihopenot”
This hurt her heart. This manwas workingso hard, sacrificingso muchto make his ranchwork. “CanIdo anythingto help?”Whenhedidn’tanswerimmediately,shesaid,tryingforlevity,“Makemeearnmyroomandboard!”
He shookhis head “Nah, I don’t want youwastingyour energyonmyproblems” He tooka breathand looked at her, seemingtojolthimselfoutofhissulk.“Icanshowyouyourroomsothatyoucanputyourstuffdown,butdon’tfeellikeyou havetostayinyourroom”
“Okay.Thanks.”Shefollowedhimuparicketystairwellanddownadimhallway. Heseemedabitembarrassedwhenheopenedadoortoanemptybedroom Therewasathinlayerofdustonthefloor,and therewasnofurnitureintheroom.Shemusthaveaccidentallyshownhersurprisebecausehesaid,“Sorry,Iforgottomention thatthere’snobed,butwehaveanairmattressthatIcanblowupforyou.It’llonlytaketwominutes.”
Shefeltbadmakinghimgotothetrouble “Ihavenothingagainstairmattresses,butit’sonlyonenight Icanalsojustcrash onthecouch.”
Helookeduncomfortable “It’suptoyou,butyouwon’thavemuchprivacyonthecouch Thatwouldputyoubetweenthe bedroomsandthebathroom andbetweenthebedroomsandthefridge.”
She stepped closer to himand lowered her voice. “Are your hands ... unsavorycharacters?” She was certainshe could handlethem,butshedidn’twanttobeharassedeither.
“Honestly,Idon’tknow.Theydogoodwork,butwe’renotfriends.Theyhaven’tbeenherelong.”
“Theyhadreferences,right?”
Henodded.“Theydid.I’mnotsayingthey’recriminalsoranything,butIjustwanttomakesurethatyoufeelsafe.”
Thiswarmedherheart Shecouldn’trememberthelasttimeanyonehadworriedabouthersafety Maybenoonehadsince hermotherwhenshewaslittle.“Idofeelsafe,”shesaidandmeantit.“Okay,airmattressitis,then.”Maybesheshouldtryto stayformorethanonenight.Hecertainlywasn’tusingthisroomforanything.Maybeshecouldrentitfromhim?Shewouldtry tofindawaytobringthatup.
Shedroppedherstuffandturnedtothedoor.“CanIgoseethegoatsnow?”
“Sure Oh,onemorething Ihavearulethatthere’snodrinkingontheproperty,buttheyfrequentlybreakthatrule So ” Hesteppedoutintothehallwayandpointedtotheclosestroom.“That’sme.Ifanyonegivesyouanytrouble,pleasewakeme up”
“Goodgrief!Whoaretheseguys?”
His face fell. “Sorry, when I invited you, I didn’t really think about these details. I lived alone for so long, I’m still adjustingtomynewcircumstances Icangiveyouaridesomewhereelseifyouwant”
Shereachedoutandsqueezedhis arm.“Will youstop?Iamsohappy andgrateful tobehere.”Andbesides,shehad literallynowhereelsetogo
Shefollowedhimbackdownthestairs,throughtheclutteredlivingroom,andintoamessykitchen.Disheswerepiledin thesink,anditsmelledlikesmoke Amanstoodwithhisheadinthefridge “Iaskedyounottosmokeinhere,”Gunnersaid.
“Itwasn’tme,”themansaid.Hepulledhisheadoutandthenstartledwhenhesawher.Hegaveheragoofylopsidedsmile ashelookedherupanddown “I’mRocky”
Sheglared,tellinghimwithhereyes, No way on earth.
Gunnerclearedhisthroat
Rockylookedathisboss.“Doyouknowthatthere’snofoodhere?”
“Ijustfilledthefridgeyesterday”
Rockyshutthedoor,andbottlesrattledinside.“Well,Iguessweateit.”
Gunnerranahandoverhisface.“I’llgogetsomemore.”
Rockytippedhishattoherandwentbackoutside.
“You’renotgoingtosavemoneyhavingthemhereiftheyeatamilliondollars’worthoffood,”shesaidunderherbreath “Iknow.”Gunnersighed.“Ineedtolimitthemtothreemeals,butsooftenI’mnothereatmealtime,soit’sbeenafreefor all”Helookedather “Butyou’reright It’snotideal ButinmydefenseIhavenoideawhatI’mdoing Myfatherneverhired hands.Hehadme.”
MaybesheshouldaskGunnerforajob Shecouldn’tcooktosaveherlife,butshecouldcleanakitchenandkeepafridge stocked.Andsurelytherewereotherthingsaroundherethatshecouldmanage.MaybeOldYellerbreakingdownhadbeenan actofprovidence.Maybesheshouldn’thavegottensomadatit.
Hestartedtowardthedoor “Comeon,goatsthisway”
Shefollowedhimthroughthebackdoorandgasped.
Itwasloveatfirstsight Asecondbarn,thisoneinbettershapethantheoneoutfront,stoodofftoherright,andinfrontof herlayagiantgoatpasture fullofadorablegoatsofallsizes,shapes,andbreeds. Hechuckled,andsherealizedhewaslookingather “I’mgladyoulikeit”
“Areyoukidding?Thisisparadise!”
He laughed heartily, whichmade her feel good aboutherself. She didn’tknow himyet, buthe didn’tstrike her as a man wholaughedeasily Hestrodetowardagate,andshefollowed “Doyouwanttogoin?” “Areyoukidding?OfcourseIdo!”
Heswungthegateopenandlethergofirst
Goatsfloodedtowardher,halfofthemscreechingtheirgreetings.Shereacheddownandstartedpattingthem,tryingtoget tothemallatoncesothatnoonewouldfeelleftout.Shestrodedeeperintothepastureandthenlaydownontheground. “Watchoutforthe...!”Gunnercried.
“It’sokay!”shesaid.She’dcheckedthegroundforCocoaPuffsbeforegoingdown.Ofcourse,oneofthegoatsmighthit the ejectbuttonwhile she was lyingthere, butshe wasn’tafraid ofa little herbivore poop The goats crowded around her, sniffingherandticklingherwiththeirnoses.Oneofthemnibbledonherfingers,givingheroneofthestrangestsensationsof herlife “Gosh,Gunner,don’tyoueverpayattentiontothesepoorsouls?”
Helaughedandcamecloser.“Allthetime,butit’sneverenough.Theyareattentiongluttons.”
Sherolledontohersideandproppedherheaduponherelbowsoshecouldlookathim.Oneofthegoatsbehindhergently buttedherhornsintoNova’sbehind.Thisalarmedher,andshethoughtaboutgettingup,butshedidn’twanttoadmitthatshe’d beennaïvetoliedowninthefirstplace.ShelookedatGunner.“Didyouseethat?”
Hissmilesuggestedthathehad “ShouldIbeconcerned?”
He shookhis head “I’mwatchingthemclosely, don’t worry, and General Lee wouldn’t hurt a flea We do have some crankyones” heglancedatthebarn “butthey’resequestered.”
Shelaughed.“Sequestered?”
“Yeah,they’reingoatjail inthebarn Iftheycan’tgetalongwithothers,theyhavetostayintheir cells SometimesIlet themoutfor a little isolatedyardtime,butnotoften.I’musuallytoobusy.” He suddenlylookedworried.“Imean,there are onlytwooftheminthere”
“Gunner,youhavesavedtheirlivesandnotgivenuponthem.I’mnotgoingtocriticizeyouforhavingagoatjail.” Hisfacerelaxed
“Itactuallysoundsreallysmart.”
Another goat, this one’s face speckled withgrayhairs, laydownbeside Nova’s stomachas if they’d beenbest friends forever Shewaschewinghercud NovaranahanddownherbackandlookedatGunner “Isthisoneofyourseniorcitizens?” “Notatall.She’sonlyabouttwo,butsheactslikeanoldlady.Ithinkmaybeshe’sdonesomehardliving.” Novalaughedathisphrasing “Howdoyouknowshe’sonlytwo?Dotheycomewithbirthcertificates?” Hechuckled.“No,Icantellbytheirteeth.”
Thisimpressedhermorethanitprobablyshouldhave “Wherearethebabies?”
“Theyareinaseparate,smallerpasture.Theyoungestarestillinthebarn.”
Shewantedtogoseethem,butshedidn’twanttotakeupanymoreofhistime.Surelyhehadotherthingstodo,likegoing tothegrocerystore “Youdon’thavetostayherewithmeifyoutrustmetohangoutwiththem Orevenifyoudon’t,IguessI don’thavetohangoutwiththem.OrIcandoitfromtheothersideofthefence.”Ugh.Shewasbabbling.“ImeanthatI’msure youstillhavethingsyouweresupposedtodotodaybeforeyouthrewoffyourwholeschedulebyrescuingme” Heshookhishead.“It’sSunday.ItrytorestonSundays,sowehaveallthetimeintheworld.AndIdotrustyouwiththem, butIalsowanttokeepaneyeonthem.Oneofthemmightgetjealousofyouraffectionsandgetalittlefeisty.”
Forsomereason,Gunnerusingtheword feisty delightedherinthebestway.
TheideatakingshapeinGunner’smindfeltsonatural,hewonderedwhenithadstartedforming.Itfeltlikeithadalways been there, which made himwonder if the idea was coming straight fromhis Creator. Of course, his brain was also capableofreason,andinthatway,heknewthattheideawaspatentlyinsane.
Butstill,helikedit
Hehadgivenuponmarriageandafamilylongago.Maybehehadneverhopedforittobeginwith.Gunnerhadneverbeen wantedinhiswholelife,andhehadneverbeenspecialenoughtoexpecttobewanted
Sohewasn’tsurprisedtobemiddle agedandsingle,andhewasn’tdepressedaboutiteither.Itwaswhatitwas,anditwasokay.Hehadaprettygoodlife,and evenifhelivedalonefortherestofit,itwouldstillbeokay.Hewouldmakethebestofit,andhewouldstillenjoyit.
Beingadopted made himbelieve that things could always have beenworse He’d beenbrought into this world bytwo people whodidn’twanthim.Iftheyhadkepthim,things couldhave beenunspeakablyawful.Soeventhoughhis life hadn’t beenperfect,hewasalwaysgratefulthatithadn’tbeenworse
Sowhatwouldithurttomaketheoffer?ThoughNovamightlaughinhisface,hethoughtheknewherwellenoughtoknow thatshe wouldn’ttake the ridicule further thanthat He was prettysure she wouldn’trunaround the countytellingeveryone whatafoolhewas.Hecouldendurealittleembarrassmentontheoffchancethatshemightlethimfixallherproblems.
“Whatiswrongwiththisgoat’seye?”Novaasked.Shehadgonefromlyinginthemiddleofhisgoatpasturetosittingwith herlegsfoldedinfrontofher NowsheheldCooter’sheadinbothherhands,gazingintohiseyes
Gunnerkneltforacloserlook.“Oh,he’shadaneyeinfection.Lookslikeithasflaredup.”Hestood.“Areyouokayhere foraminute?I’vegotsomeointmentinthebarn”
“Areyoukidding?I’mso okayhere.Icouldspendthenighthere!”Sheflungherarmsoutandtippedherfaceskyward.“I couldlivehere!”
He chuckled. “Okay. Be right back.” He walked away thinking, could she, though? Could this hippie chick full of wanderlustreally live here?Hehadnoideabecausehedidn’tknow her yet.Andstill,hehadsuchagoodfeelingabouther. Evenifhetookawayanyromanticnotions whichwerethere,simmeringbeneaththesurface hestillthoughttheideawasa goodone.Shewassomeonehelikedspendingtimewith,someonehewantedtogettoknow,someonewhowouldn’tdrivehim crazy
Rocky,who’dbeenleaningonthe fence watchingthemfromafar,said,“Is thatfine creampie all yours,or canIhave a slice?”
Gunnerstoppeddeadinhistracksandslowlypivotedtofacethewrangler.
Thewordsshotoutofhismouthbeforeheconsideredthem.“Ifyousayonemorewordabouther,you’refired.”
Rockychuckleduncomfortably “You’rekidding,right?”
Gunnercouldunderstandhisdisbelief.Hisnewbosshadbeennothingbutcalmandreasonablesofar.“Ifyouevenlookat heragain,you’refired”
Rockybackedup,holdinghishandsupwithhispalmsout.“Yes,sir.”
Gunnerwatchedhimwalkawayforabit,justtomakesurehewasreallyleaving,andthenturnedtoseeifNovahadseen orheardanyofthatawfulexchange,butshewastoobusywiththegoats.Goodthing.Gunnerputhisheaddownandheadedfor thebarn.
Sometime betweenfindingthe ointmentand returningto Nova, his pulse slowed This was good He didn’twanther to sensehisfuryanddecidehewasadangerouslunatic.
NowNovawascloselyexaminingDaisy’sbelly Shelookedupashegrewclose “Isshepregnant?” “Naw,she’sjustpudgy.”
Novatippedherheadbackandlaughedatthesky.
Hewasn’tsurehowtoreactashehadn’tbeentryingtobefunny HekneltbesideCootertoapplytheointment “Isthatacommonproblem,theeyes?”
Gunnernodded “Ilovegoats,butsometimesIthinkthey’renotsosmart Theyareconstantlyallowinghayandotherstuff togetintotheireyes,andthenitgetsallirritated.”
“Well,that’snotbecausethey’restupid!”Hervoicewasscaldinghot Helookedupquicklytoseeifshewaskidding,andshewasn’t.Itseemedhehadreallyoffendedher.
“Well,”hesaid,“theyalsopoopintheirwater,sothere’sthat.”
Her angryexpressionrelaxed “Okay, Iguess Ican’treallydefend that” She nuzzled Daisy “Don’tpoop inyour water, sillygirl!”
