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THE PUCKING BAD BOY

ANENEMIESTOLOVERSSECRETBABYHOCKEY

ROMANCE

A J SUMMERS

ATTRACTION PUBLISHING

Copyright©2024byAJSummers

Allrightsreserved.

Nopartofthisbookmaybereproducedinanyformorbyanyelectronicormechanicalmeans,includinginformationstorageandretrievalsystems,withoutwritten permissionfromtheauthor,exceptfortheuseofbriefquotationsinabookreview

CONTENTS

Prologue

Chapter1

Chapter2

Chapter3

Chapter4

Chapter5

Chapter6

Chapter7

Chapter8

Chapter9

Chapter10

Chapter11

Chapter12

Chapter13

Chapter14

Chapter15

Chapter16

Chapter17

Chapter18

Chapter19

Chapter20

Chapter21

Chapter22

Chapter23

Chapter24

Epilogue

AlsobyAJSummers

ThePuckingFakeBoyfriend

Partieshaveneverbeenmything EspeciallynotonHalloween

The ones I have been to since I started at NYU are almost interchangeable: outrageous costumes, a mass of screaming,drunkenbodies,lotsofboozeandcheapcandythatstickstoyourteeth Ihaveavoidedthemsincemyfreshmanyear. Untilnow.

Ifrownatmyroommate as she drags me up the stairs “Idon’tknow whatI’mdoinghere,” Icomplainfor probablythe twentiethtimetonight.

Carolrollshereyesatme “Ineedyoutokeepwatch,”shesaysaswestepintothehallofamusty,darkbuilding,andshe proceeds to dragme toward the elevator. “Remember? It’s Mark’s party, and I’mscared I’mgoingto embarrass myselfby drinkingtoomuch You’remysobersponsor”

Iletoutanaggrievedsigh.Thelastyearofroomingwithherhasbeenthebestofmycollegeexperience.Andso,forthe sakeofourfriendship,Imustendurewhateverthisnightbringsforthenextcoupleofhours.

“Fine,”Ihissasshepushestheelevatorbutton “We’regoingtobeinandoutofhereinthreehours,though Deal?”

Carolflashesmeasloppysmile.“Don’tgetallseriouswithme.ThispartyisprobablythemostexclusiveinallofNYU. Youmightevenendupmeetingsomeone”

“Idoubtthat.Chicks beforedicks.Remember mymotto?”UnlikeCarol,myromanticlifeincollegewas less ofamessy Halloweenpartyandmorelikeagraveyard Ihadnothadaboyfriendsincesophomoreyear,whenmyex,Patrick,hadcalledit offinthemiddleofscrewingme.IstillfeelsomeembarrassmentwheneverIrememberthatparticularlyhumiliatingmomentof mylife.

“Idon’tthinkIcandothis anymore,”hehadsighedinmyear,his penis growinglimp “Youareexhausting I’mtiredof yourweirdkinksandhavingtotellyouwhattodoallthetime.It’stoomuch.You’retoomuch.”

Ew Couldn’theatleasthavewaitedtotellmethatafterhemademecome?

“Here,”Carolsays,slippingherhandintoherjacketandpassingmesomethingaswewalkintotheelevator.Ibracemyself foraminibottleofvodkaorsomeotheralcohol sobrietyforCarolisanythingbeforefourdrinks.ButwhenIlookdown,I seeit’sanelaboratefeathermaskwillcovermywholeface.

“What’sthisfor?”Iwanttochuckitbackather.

“It’s a masked party It’s Halloween, girl” She has the gall to sound exasperated “Alotofcool students are here Rich ones,futurenationalathletes,afewguysvisitingfromCornell.Goandplay.”

Iletoutanothersigh Thispartywassoundinglamerbytheminute,butmaybeitwasagoodthingnoonewillbeableto recognizeme.

Islipthemaskonjustastheelevatordoorsopen,spillingusintoamustycorridor.Carolleadsmetotheseconddooron theright.Loudmusicisblastingthroughthespeakersevenbeforeweapproachtheroom.Sheslipsonherblackcatmask,and wewalkthroughthehalf-opendoor.

It’saregularparty,withalotofscreaminganddancinginthevastapartment Noonegivesusasecondglance

“I’llgofindMark,”Carolscreamsinmyear.“IfI’mnotbackinhalfanhour,comelookforme maybeinthebathroom.” Istarttoprotest,butsheletsgoofmyhandanddisappearsintothecrowd

Great,Ithink,pushingpasttheteemingmassofsweatingbodiesandheadingtowardthekitchencounter,theleastcrowded placeintheroom.Idumpmyselfononeofthestickybarstools,wishingIwasbackinmydorm.

“Whatareyousupposedtobe?”

Ijumpatthesoundofthevoice.

Male Hard Dominant

Iturnaroundtolookathim.Hetowersover

facewithaprominentnoseandnomouth.He’sdressedinaHenleythathugshisframe,revealingabulgingchestandmuscles. Andwhilehedoeslookgood,I’mmostlyintriguedbyonething.

Thereissomethingprimalaboutthebarelycontainedpowerofhisbody Mennevermakemenervous ButIfeeltinybeads ofsweatonmybrow.“Whatareyousupposedtobe?”Iaskinstead,makingsuretodisplaytheveryimageofcalmness.

Hetakesastepcloser,thedarkeyesunderneaththemaskboringintome “Someonewhoexpectsanswerswhentheyask questions.”

Iswallow Hard Heatpoolsbetweenmythighs Thisguyisarrogant,borderingonrude.

ButIdon’tfeelputoffbyitatall.Quitethecontrary.

Mysterymanisthecompleteoppositeofmyex Hewouldsurelynotcomplainaboutmebeingtoo much Thatawarenesssendsdesireleapingintomycore.

“So ”hemurmurs,takingastepcloser “Whoareyou?”

Myskintingles.Itdoesn’toccurtometonotanswerhim.

“Apissed-offroommate,”Imutter,staringdownatmyjeans NotexactlyappropriatewearforaHalloweenparty Hiddenbehindthemask,Ican’ttell ifhecrackedasmileatmyjoke,butIimagineitanyway.Heleans over,hooks two fingersunderneathmychin,andraisesmyheadtohis.

Iinhalesharply Hisscentfillsmynostrils Hedoesnothing,merelystaresatmethroughtheeyeslitsofhismask Hedoesn’tneedtodomuch.

BecauseIfeelmyarousal IhadnoideahowneedyIwasuntilhetouchedme “Ibetyou’repretty,”hemurmurs,settingasparkoffinmychest.“Followme.” He takes one ofmyhands, pullingme to myfeet. Dazed, Iobeyhim. Ihave never beenina situationlike this, butonce more,I’munabletostopmyselffromdoingwhatheorderedmeto.

MaybeIsubconsciouslywantedtobeapartofsomethinglikethisforalongtime.AndIhadabsolutelynoidea. Heleadsmethroughthemassofpeopleloungingaroundthecorridor,towardthebackoftheapartment Finally,heopensa doortowhatseemslikeawalk-incloset.

“Afteryou,milady”Hebows

Enteringaclosetwithacompletestrangermustbeoneofthemostrecklessthingsyoucoulddoatamaskedparty,where fewsocialnormsapply.

Buttheglimmerofexcitementinthepitofmybellymakesiteasytoignorecommonsense. Mybodyisinflames.

Wewalkintotheconfinedspace,andhebangsthedoorshutbehindus Themomentthedoorclicks,withoutawarning,he flipsmetofacethewall,whilehishands,hardandwarm,grabmybreasts,strokingthemandpullingmyshirtaside.

Withoutwantingto,Imoan,backingupagainsthim Astrangeboldnesswrapsitselfaroundme,andI’msuddenlypushing myselfupagainsthim.Hereachesdownandgrabsafistfulofmyass.Anotherraspingbreathescapesmythroat.

“Good girl,” he mutters, his fingers wrappingaround myneck, squeezinggently. His voice is a rumble, sendingsparks alongmynerveendings andheatingthebloodinmyveins “Herearetherules Ifatanypointyoudecideyoudon’tlikeour gameanymore,yousay‘stop,’andI’llletyougo.Understood?”

Inodmyhead,myheartbanginginmychest Somehow,this stranger is revealingandfulfillingmywildestfantasyall at once.

Hisfingersworkatmyjeans,tuggingandshoving Suddenly,heisyankingthemallthewaydown,andthelowerhalfofmy bodyisbare.

“Niceass,”hegruntsasIstepoutofthem.Hispalmspanksoneofmycheeks,makingitjiggle.Hiswordsarebluntand unfeeling, revealingno emotionat all And somehow, that makes me pine for himharder Has he done somethinglike this before?

Iclosemyeyesandpushmyassintohim,desperatetofeelhim

“Easy,”hesays,yankingmeawayfromhim.“Iwanttoenjoyyou.EverysinglesecondIgettofuckyou.”

Hiswordsmakemynipplesstandatattention

Idon’tjustwanthimanymore.Ineedhim.

Andthen,withouttheslightestwarning,hetugsawaythecrotchareaofmypantiesanddigshisfingersintomypulsating center

Ascreamripsoutofmewithoutwarning.

Hepullsmecloser,andforthefirsttime,Ifeelthefullstrengthofhiserection,hardandthrobbing,pressingagainstmyass “You’rewetforme,”hesays,pullingouthisfingers.ThenextthingIknow,heisslidingthemundermymaskandparting mylips,forcingmetosuckmyownfluidoffthem.“Ilikeyouwet.”

Everythingaboutthis isawetfeverdream.

Ihearhimtugathispantsandbriefs,therippingofacondom.WhenIturnaround,Icatchaquickglimpseofhimslidingit

on.Heis…perfect.Huge,thick,hardandthrobbing.Anunusual,largebirthmarktheshapeofavasegraceshisinnerthigh. Iholdmylipstightly,awarethatI’mtremblingwithanticipation.

And then, he is up against me, lininghis cockagainst myentrance, teasingmyopeningwithhis tip His hands find my breasts,squeezinghard.

“Iwanttohearhowmuchyouwantme,”hemuttersinmyear “Rightnow” Anotherlickofpleasurerisesupinmybelly.

“Please,”Igasp “Fuckme” Hepushesintomeinasingle,slowthrust,leavingmebreathless.Thenhepullsoutslowlybeforeslammingintomeagain, thistimewithnogentleness.

ExactlythewayIhadhopedPatrickwould Ikeepmyeyesshutagainstthethroesofpleasure,lettingmyselfenjoyeverysecondofhimfillingme.TonightisallIhave withhim Tomorrow,thiswillbeafeverdream,andyearsfromnow,IwillrememberitasthebesthookupIhadinmyentire life.

OrsoIthought

Twomonthslater,I’msittingonthetoiletseat,staringdownatapee-stainedstickwithacrosssignontop. Thesignthatchangedmylifeforgood.

Seven years later

“SO,theysentinthesexyone.”

AsanewsreporterwhoroutinelyinterviewsNHLandNFLplayers,Ihaveheardandseenitall Menwhoburstoutcrying inthe middle ofaninterview because theyhad no one else to talkto. Menwho confessed to havinga secretaddictionor a shamefulpast.Menwhowoulddrunkenlybegmetojerkthemoff. Butthisonetopsthemall.

Ilookup atthe unsmiling, hardened face ofReggie Turner, three-time championofthe NHLand soon-to-be retiree. He looks exactlylike the pictures and videos Ihave seenofhim Tall, hugelymuscular, sleeve tattoos onhis arms He is huge enoughtocrushmewithonehand.Hisfaceischiseledtoperfection,hisshortbrownhairframingitinthemostappealingof ways

“Whatdidyoujustsay?”Iask,thoughIheardhimclearly.Manyofmycolleaguesliketoletstarshaveittheirwaywhile interviewingthem,evenentertainingacreepyjokeorsomeflirtingifitmeantgettingtheirreportfinishedontime.Ipreferthe opposite approach: take charge of the conversation, let the star know quite earlythat youdon’t find themas fascinatingas everyoneelse,andsettherulesoftheinterview.

Italwaysworks

Reggie should be backtracking and apologizing for his inappropriate comment by now. The last thing I need is Reggie Turnerassuminghecanrideandcontrolmeforthenextfewmonths

Hestepsoffthetreadmill,hiseyesgrowingcolder.Hismusclesaresleekwithsweat,andhedriesthemoffwithatowelas hestridesuptome.

“You’resexy,”herepeats,completelyunrepentant “Seemslikeyou’retryingtohideit Dowdydress,boringglasses Don’t knowwhy.”

Istareathim,lostforwords,barelybelievinghedaredtosaysomethinglikethis IsheaNeanderthal?Hasn’theheardof‘Metoo’?

“Now,”hecontinues,unfazed,swipingabottleofwaterfromthenearesttable,“Iknowyou’vebeensenttodoaprofileon meorwhatever,butletmetellyouhowthisisgoingtowork.Youwillnotfollowmearoundlikealostpuppy.Instead,I’lltell youwhatyou’regoingtowrite.Thenyou’llputoutafewinterviewsaboutmeandconvincepeopleI’vegotaheartofgoldor whateverthehellpeoplecareaboutthesedays Thenwepart Isthatclear?”

Iblink.Twice.

Thismightbecomingasasurprisetothisoaf,butI’mtheonesettingtheruleshere Iclosemyeyesandtakeadeepbreath,remindingmyselftostaycool.Icannotaffordtogetupset.Completingaprofileon thismanistheonlythingstandingbetweenmeandthepromotionIdesperatelyneedtosendmysontotheprivateschoolofour dreams.

Okay.

Theprivateschoolofmy dreams

Anall-boysschoolontheUpperEastSidethatproducesHarvardalumniandWashingtonpoliticians.

Theprivateschoolmychilddeserves

IfIhadtotakeshit andgiveitback fromthebiggestassholeplayerintheNHL,thenthat’swhatI’ddo. Isquaremyshouldersandlockmygazewithhis.“We’rejustmeetingforthefirsttime.”Myvoiceisdrippingwithhoneyed annoyance.“So,IfeelobligatedtotellyouthatI’mnotthekindofjournalistwho’llletyoubossheraround.Andyes,I’mgoing tofollowyouuntiltheprofileisdone.I'mgoingtowatchallyourgamesandrecordyouractionsonandofftheice.Andwe’re

goingtohaveseveralsit-downinterviewswhereyoutalkaboutyourlifeinexcruciatingdetail.Thisiswhatyousignedupfor whenyourequestedanationalprofilefromus.”

Iexpecthimtoregisteramusementoroffenseatmyrefusaltobackdown ButReggieTurnergivesabsolutelynothingaway.

He takes another swigfromhis water bottle,the sweatonhis tattooedarms glisteninginthe lightas he moves,shadows playingontheindentsofhispowerfulchest.“Isignedupforthenationalprofileforonereasononly,”hesays,matter-of-factly. “Myagentmadeitquiteclear thatIhaveanabysmal recordofbranddealsfor ahockeyplayer who’splanningtoretirethis season.SaidIneededtoputmoreofapalatableimageoutthere.”

“Yeah,andthisiswhatyouhavetodotochangeyourimage.”Iraisemybrows,completelyunsympathetic.“Sitforafew interviewswithme Talkaboutyourself ShoweveryoneadifferentsideofReggieTurner” “Yousoundjustlikemyagent.”Hiseyesflashwithsomethingclosetoanger.“This is everysideofme.” Mybrowsriseevenhigher “Whatyouhaveonisn’tevenapersonality It’sacliché Broodyinkedguywhosleepswith womenforsportandpreferstospendmostofhistimealone.I’vegottobelievethere’smoretoyouthanthat.”

Hestayssilentforamoment,hisgrayeyespiercingme “Kindofhypocriticalofyoutosaythat”

“Whatdoyoumean?”I’mnotquitesureifIshouldbeoffendedornot,butI’mcertainlyintrigued. “Becauseyourwholelifeispretense.”

Furyshootsfromthepitofmystomachtothebackofmyhead “Whatdidyoujustsay?” He is supremelyunconcerned bymyanger. “Imean, lookatyou. You’re wearinga fake pair ofglasses, a boxy, dowdy shirt,andthemostirritatinglyboringskirtintheuniverse IfImetyourandomlysomewhere,I’dassumeyou’reoneofthose womenwhodress poorlybecause theyeither don’thave time todobetter or they’re tryingtoprove some asinine point.But judgingfromthehighlightsinyourhairandyourbrashredlipstick,youdoknowbetter.Youarefashionable.So,I’mforcedto guessthatthisisallafacade.Forwhateverreason,youwanttohideyourrealself.”

Myjawdropstothefloor.

“Are you talking about my ‘happy to not impress you’ outfit?” I snark back “And maybe I’m not in any of the three categoriesyouputoutthere.MaybeI’mjustasinglemomwhodoesn’tcarewhatclotheswillcapturethemalegaze.”

There Thetrumpcard IhatetalkingaboutCarltopeopleIonlyknowonaprofessionalbasis,andIdetestthefactthatI’ve gottousehimtoproveapoint,butIwoulddoanythingtowipethearrogantexpressionoffReggie’sfacerightnow.

Butmybigrevealdoesn’tevokethereactionIwashopingfor.Notevenadamneyebrowtwitch.

“You’reamom.”Hesmirks.“Figures.So,youavoidthe‘malegaze’becauseyou’resureyourchild son,Iguess won’t betoocoolwiththeideaofastepdad?Andyouthinkthiskindofattirewillkeepmenfromnoticingyou’resexy?How’sthat goingforyou?”

Iswallow,myfurybackingupforaseconddose. Howdidthismeetingturnintothisjerkanalyzingmylife?

Andworsestill,whyamImoreeagertoargueagainsthispointsthanreturntowhatweshouldbetalkingabout?

“Again,”Isay,foldingmytremblingfingersintoafist,“you’rewrong.AndIreallythinkweshouldbefocusingon ” “Yeah,”hesayssuddenly “Imightbewrong” Iwidenmyeyes,barelybelievinghejustcaved.

Butthen,hetakesastepclosertome,thetiniestglintinhiseyes “MaybeyourreasoniskinkierthananythingIjustsaid” Mycheeksgrowhot.Iexhalesharply,hatingmyselfformyownreaction.

“Mr Turner,thismeetingisnotaboutme,”Isay

“Sure,” he retorts, foldinghis massive arms across his chest, inkwindingaround the veins and the dents ofhis muscles, shiftingwitheverymovement.“ButIshouldgettoknowthewomanwho’sgoingtobefollowingmearoundforthenextcouple ofmonths So,I’mgoingtolayoutexactlywhatIthinkaboutyou,andyoutellmeifI’mclosetothemarkornot”

“I’mnotgoingto ”

“Saythisisnotaboutyoubeingasinglemom,”hesays “Sayit’saboutsomethingmore,likeyou’rescared” “Scaredofwhat?”Iask,myvoicesoundingshrilleventomyownears.

“Ofbeingseen,”hesaysblankly “You’reawoman,andyou’vegotneeds Hell,everywomanhas needs,singlemomor not. But then, you’re going the opposite way and dressing down because you don’t want to be noticed, especially while workinginanindustryknowntohavelotsofattractivesinglemen.Thatonlymeansonething:thatyou’realreadycertainthat theycannotsatisfyyourneeds”

Mycheeksaregrowinghotterbythesecond.Iwanttoopenmymouth,totellhimtostoptalking,butIcan’tbringmyselfto putacoherentverbandanountogether

He takes another step closer, so he is rightinfrontofme. Then, he bends slowly, so his toweringbulkcurves over my frame.“Coulditbe,”hemurmurs,eyespinnedonme,“thatyour needsinbedaredifferentfromthoseofmostwomen?That maybe you want something special? That maybe you’re wary of attracting attention from guys around you because you’re certaintheboynextdoorwouldneverunderstand?”

The heatonmyface is spreadinginwaves throughoutmybody. Itake ragged, harshbreaths as goosebumps rise onmy arms.

EveryonewhowarnedmeaboutReggieTurnerwasright

He isn’t scream-at-you-and-cause-you-to-shit-your-pants terrifying. He is look-at-you-and-know-every-piece-of-yourbeingterrifying

AndthatisthekindIcan’thandle.

Iwanttobackaway,togobacktomyofficeandletmybossknowthatI’mpassingontheofferofwritingaprofileofthis athlete.Apromotiondoessoundgood,buttherehastobeanotherwaytosendCarltotheall-boysschoolthatdoesn’tinvolvea manthatcanuncovermydeepestsecretswithasinglelook.

“Closetothemark?”heasks,interruptingmythoughts Ijumpathisvoiceandaminstantlyirritatedbymyreaction.

“No,”Ispitathim “You’rewrong”

Hedisregardsmywords.“I’mgoingtotrytoguesswhatyoursecretis,”hesays,leaningbacktodrinkmeupinhisgaze. His eyes restunabashedlyonmybreasts, and Imentallykickmyselffor wearingmypushup bra to this meeting He lingers, staringatthemlongerandharderthananyonehasdoneinalongtime.

Andthen,Ifeelit.

Athrillrunningdownmyspine,causingmynipplestohardenunderhisgaze Damn.

Helooksupatmeagain “You’vebeenfightingforcontrolsinceyouwalkedthroughthatdoor Tellsmehowmuchyou’re addictedtorunningthingsinyourpersonallife.”Hepauses,andI’mfilledwithtrepidationforhisnextwords. Hedoesn’tkeepmewaitinglong.

“YoumustbedesperatetoletgoofyourtypeApersonalityassoonyouwalkintothebedroom,”hesays,theglintgrowing larger.“Itmustbearelieftoletsomeoneelsetakethereins.”

Myheartmissesabeatbeforeitstartsbangingfranticallyagainstmyribcage Reggie does notseemto know the suddenupheaval his words justcaused inme. He continues onthattrackmercilessly. “Whatisitthen?”heasks,hisvoicelower “Likeitrough?Enjoybeingtoldwhattodo?” Mybrowiscoveredinasheenofsweat.Ishouldsaysomething,tellhimtobackoff.Butmymouthisjammedshut. Especiallyashereachesout,hookstwofingersundermychin,andpullsmyfacetohis.

“Don’t worry,” he mutters, his cold eyes lingeringonmine. “You’re goingto like workingwithme then. Unless you’re alreadyfreakedoutandyou’redesperatetogetsomeoneelsetocoverthisproject.”

Ibarelyhearhiswords I’mthinkingofhowridiculouslycloseheis,thewarmthhistouchisspreadingthroughmybody AndI’mthinkingofhisprevioussentence: Like it rough? Enjoy being told what to do? Yes,myentirebodyiswhispering Yes to both Reggie’spersonalityisnauseating,butIhavenothadsexinsevenyears.Maybethat’swhymyentirebodyistinglingathis touchandwhyatinypartofmybrainiscravingforhimtopounce.Toaskmetogetonmyknees.Toaskmetounziphim.To… Unless you ’ re already freaked out “No.”ThewordspillsoutofmylipsbeforeI’mevenawareofwhatI’msaying. ButIdon’tregretit

I’mnotgoingtobackawayfromthissoeasily.

Itakeadeepbreath,gratefulforthereturnofmyvoice

“You’renotnearlyasscaryasyouthink,Reginald,”Itellhim,stuffingallmyfeelingsintoatinyboxinthepitofmyheart soIcanreturnhisgazeevenly.“Theprofilestartsnextweek.Ilookforwardtoseeingyouthen.”

Iturnaroundandmarchoutofhisgym,myheadheldhighandmyshouldersstraight I’mnotgoingtoletthisassdelaymypromotion.AndIwishIcouldsaythatistheonlyreasonIamgoingtocontinuewith theprofile

Butthetiniestpartofmeisalsocuriousaboutwhatitwouldfeelliketoworkwiththefirstmanwho’smanagedtoturnme oninsevenyears

REGGIE

orry,Reg PulsePixel isstandingfirm It’sherornoone”

“Fuck.”Islammyfisthardagainstthetable.Abunchoffilesslipofftheedgeofthedeskandfalltothefloor,and Paul’sassistantscramblestopickthemup PaulKellerman,myagent,looksamused.“What’syourproblemwiththischick,anyway?Ranabackgroundcheckonher. She’ssqueakyclean.”

Ihuffinannoyance,staringattheblankwallbehindhisfigure Sevenyearsasahockeyplayerandsevenyearsofattending miserablemeetingssuchasthis,andIhadstillnotgottenusedtohowdamnsoullessPaul’sofficeis. “Fine,”Paulspitsafterafewseconds Ilikebeingaroundhim heunderstandsit’sfutiletryingtogetmetotalkaboutmyfeelings. “Doesn’tmatterwhyyoudon’tlikeher Theywantheronthisjob She’sgoingtodotheprofile” “Damnit.”Igrindmyfistintothesurfaceofthedeskfor thesecondtime.Paul’sassistantjumps.Iscowl athim,andthe colordrainsfromhisface.

“Ineedto um restroom,”hesqueaks,beforeheflingshimselfatthedooroftheoffice,yanksitopen,andslamsitshut behindhim.Icanalmosthearthesighofreliefheletsloosethemomentthereisadoorseparatingus.

“Idon’tlikeyournewassistant,”ItellPaulblankly Heshrugs.“Toughluck.Youlikedthepreviousonestoomuch.Ihadtoletthemgodueto…”Heclearshisthroatandlooks atmemockingly “ conflictofinterest”

It’sthetermPaul usesasaeuphemismformescrewinghissecretaries.Forsevenyears,Paul hadnoproblemsreplacing themoncetheinevitablehappened.Until thelastone,Angela,whoturnedhysterical inthisveryofficeafterItoldheritwas overbetweenus Paulfinallygaveupandhiredaman

“Icannotdo the profile withHarper Morris.” Iredirectthe conversationbackto the matter athand. “I’d rather we find someoneelsethanenduretwowholemonthsofherfollowingmearound”

Paul’seyesarethreateningtopopoutofhishead.“Areyouserious?”

Nooneelsedaredspeaktomethisway.Butthenagain,Paulisalsomyclosestfriend.

“Youcan’tswitchnow.This is thefreaking PulsePixel. Tookme months ofbeggingfor themto evenconsider it. Idon’t knowifyou’venoticed,butyou’vepracticallyshotyourreputationtohellduringyourcareer.”

Ishrug “So?”

Frustrated,Paulrunshishandsthroughhisthinninghair.

Wehavehadthisconversationseveraltimesinthepast ButIcanneverbringmyselftoreachtheleveloffrantichedoes

“Because,”hedragsouttheword,“thisisliterallyyour lastchancetoshow thecountrythatyou’remorethantheperson theythinkyouare a woman-lovingdickhead, whose onlyredeemingqualityis the fact that he canmaneuver the puckand outskatehisopponents.”

Thecornerofmylipstwitch.“ButIam awoman-lovingdickhead.”

“You’vegottobemorethanthatifyouwanttoattractbranddeals Afewotherplayersareretiringthisseasonaswell I’ve lookedaround.Thepersonwiththeleastnumberofdealsonthatliststillhasatonmorethanyou.”

“You’vepointedthatoutonlyamilliontimes”

Paul’s angstseems to be growing. “Because youdon’tlisten,” he spits. “Look, this year has beengood for you. You’ve pulledinatonofmoney.Butallofthat’sgoingtostopinafewmonths.EveryathleteintheUSknowsthis.Allyouhavetodo nowistosecureenoughlifelongbranddeals,soyou’llbesetupfortherestofyourlife But ”

“ButIfuckedmywaythroughallofthefemalefansthrowingthemselvesatmeandhaveruinedmychances,”Iinterrupt. “That’snotwhatIwasgoingtosay Therearealotofpromiscuoushockeyplayersoutthere Hardlythereasonwhynoone canstandyou.”

Iraise mybrows.The lastthingIplannedfor todaywas togeta dressingdownbymyagent.Still,mycuriositygets the betterofme.

“Why,then?”Iask,withoutthetiniestbitofsarcasm OneofthefirstthingsIpromisedmyselfnottodoaftergettingintothe NHLwastostayupdatedonnewsclippingsaboutme.Ibarelyknewwhattheworldthoughtofmemostdays,evenafterlarge dramaticmomentsonandofftheice

“Becauseyou’re…adarksoul.”

What?

“Youdon’tspeak.Toanyone.Aboutanything.You’remissingeverytimetheNewYorkRangersgoouttocelebrateawin. Whenthehockeyseasonisover,youdisappearuntiltheystarttrainingagain.Nooneknowsanythingaboutyourupbringing.”

Myfistscontractoftheirownaccord,trembling Iextendmyfingersmindfully,tryingtofocus

“I’mforced to inquire whyit’s anyone’s business how Ichoose to lead mypersonal life. Iplay, Iscore. Thatshould be enough”

“Because the brands don’t trust someone they don’t know. Look at every sports player out there securing brand deals. They’vegotsomethingincommon”

“They’recringey?”

Paullookspissedenoughtopulltheremainingtuftsofhairoffhishead.“They’reopen.RememberAdamSanchez?”

Bilerisesupmythroat “TheBostonBruinsguywhoburstintotearsduringthatinterviewabouthisdeaddog?Greatrole model.”

Paul ignores mysarcasm “Whatyoumightnotknow is how manybrand deals he gotfromthatalone,” he says “That’s whatadvertiserswant.Someonetheycantrust.Someonerelatable.Someonewhocanconvincepeopletobuytheirproducts.” Isaginmyseat.Interactingwithothers usuallytires me outafter a while.EventalkingtoPaul has its limits.Especially whenhekeepsdroningonaboutbranddeals.

“It’sallwellandgoodwhenyou’rebringinginmoneyontheice,”Paulsays.“ButI’vehadameetingwithyourfinancial managerandcrunchedthenumbers Afterretirement,thequalityoflifeforsportsplayersgenerallydeclines,unlessthey’vegot agoodbrandbehindthem.Rightnow,youdon’t.Andonyourpresentsavings,you’regoingtorunoutofmoneyintenyears. That’swhythisissoimportant”

Paulhasbeensayingavariationofthesameforyearsnow.AndwhileIgenerallychoosetotuneitout,Ican’tignorehim anymore,notwhenretirementisliterallyknockingonthedoor.

“IalreadysaidIwasgoingtodotheprofile,”Isaythroughgrittedteeth.“Butyou’vegottoreplacethatreporter.” “Why?”Paulsays,thewordcomingoutlikeachagrinedwarcry.

“Why?”Ispitbackathim “Becauseshe’sthemostaggravatingwomanI’veevermetinmylife Hadtheaudacitytotellme thatshe is planningongrillingme oneverysingle detail ofmylife andwritingitoutinexcruciatingdetail.Wouldyoulook forwardtothatshit?”

Paullooksconfused.“Reggie,that’sexactlywhatshe’ssupposedtodo.” Mythroatclampsup.“Whatshe’ssupposedtodoisfuckinglistentowhatItellhertowrite.Butshe’sintentonobserving everysingleaspectofmybehavior,likeI’madamnedlabrat” Paul’sconfusiongrows.“You’reliterallydescribingaprofile,”hesays.“That’sherjob.Unless…” Ilookupathimashiseyesdarkenwithsuspicion “Youwereplanningtoliethroughall ofit,weren’tyou?”Paul says.“Makeupsomestoriesthathavenothingtodowith you?Andyou’repissedatthisreporterbecauseshe’snotlettingyouhaveityourway” “That’sonewaytolookatit,”Imutterdarkly.

There are several reasons Harper Morris gets on my nerves. One, she is hot. Long, wavy brown hair that frames her diamond-shapedfaceinthemostdelicateofways,hugeboobsspillingoutofabra,andhipsthatswaywhenshewalks Even herdowdyoutfitmadeherlookthatmuchhotter.Shelookedlikethesexylibrarianinaporno.Sheisatinylittlething,butshe alsohasasortofetherealconfidencethatmakesherlookbiggerthanshereallyis Whenshewalkedintomygym,thefirstthingIthoughtaboutwashowtogethertogooutwithme. Shewasscorchinghot I’venever hadtobearoundawomanthatlookslikethatwhileknowingthatI’mnotsupposedto pursueher.

Icouldhavegottenoverthat,Isuppose.

Until Igota hunchabouther sexual preferences Itwas a combinationofhow she carriedherself,her clothes,combined withastronggutfeeling.IjustknewIwasright.

AlthoughI have sexwitha lot of women, I rarelyenjoyit deeplybeyond the initial release Routine sexis especially boring.Foryears,I’velookedformorethanwhatmanywomencouldofferme.WhichiswhyIfinditsoeasytogetridofthem afterward.

ButIcouldtellthatHarperisdifferent.AwomanwhoisthatdomineeringinreallifeissuretodoanythingIaskherforin thebedroom.

Justthinkingofitmakesmehard.

KnowingthatHarpermighthaveakinkwillmakeitalotmorechallengingtoworkwithher. Especiallysinceshedoesn’tseemlikethekindofwomanIcanseduceintosubmission Shewilldoexactlywhatshetold meshewould.

Observeandwritethetruth

AndifHarperMorriswritesthetruthaboutme,myreputationisgoingtotakeanevenbiggerhit.

IlookupatPaul’sconfusedface “Ican’tdoitwithHarperMorris,”Itellhim “Ijustcan’t” “Toughluck.” He looks completelyspent. “Lookat it this way. You’ve got two choices. Get over yourself, impress the woman,andcausehertodoaprofileonyouthat’llsendadvertisersrunningyourwayandsettingyouupforlife.Orletgoof thechancetobefeaturedonthebiggestonlinemagazineintheUSandbeforcedtowaittablesintenyears Yourchoice” Istareathim,hatinghiscandor,butknowingdeepdownheisright.

Twomonthsisn’tthelongesttimeintheworld MaybeIcanmanagetofoolHarperMorrisintowritingsomethingdecent aboutme.

IfIdon’tletmyintrusivethoughtswin,liketheonesaboutwhatshewouldlooklikenakedandwrappedaroundme

HARPER

“Hello,Harper”

Mybodystiffens.

Ihad painstakinglyplanned for this conversationnotto happen Came home fromworkwiththirtyminutes to sparebeforetheeveningrush.EvendecidedtoskipgettinggroceriesbecauseitmeantIcouldslipintomyapartmentwithout beingnoticed.

Butitdidn’twork

AsIturnaroundandfaceMatthew,theguylivingintheapartmentabovemine,Iforceapolitesmile.Helooksthesameas always Clean-shaven,lightblondhair glowingintheafternoonsuncominginthroughthewindows,delightedexpressionon hishandsomeface.

“Hello, Matt” Franticallypushingonthe elevator button, myinsides are alreadyclawingatme, demandingIgetas far awayfromhimasIpossiblycan.

“Haven’tbeenseeingyouaroundlately.”Hiseyesareearnestashedrawsclosertome.“Iwasworriedaboutyou…and Carl How’shedoing?”

At the mention of Carl, my frigid heart melts some. How could it not? Matt is everything any woman would want successful,attentive,goodlooking Andhealwaysasksaboutmyson Hewouldmakeaperfectstepfather.Justlikehe’sbeenhintingforyearsnow. Butwhileheisstunninglyattractive,thereisaproblem

Ihavedatedguyslikehim adorable,stable,safe. Boring.

EverytimeIconsidergivinghimachance,Irememberthewordsofmycollegeex-boyfriend

This is too much. You’re too much.

Matthew is everythingIcould ever wishfor ina partner ButIwould rather staysingle thanbe sexuallyrepressed and frustratedfortherestofmylife.

Andthat’sexactlywhyIhavebeenavoidinghim.

“He’sfine,”Isay.Ithrowaquickglanceattheelevatorandseethatit’sonthegroundfloor.RelieffloodsmeasIturnback tohimandaimasympatheticsmilehisway.“Buthe’suptherewaitingforme,soI’dbetterrun.”

“Sure Sayhitohimforme Butbeforeyougo,I’dliketoask ” Idon’tlethimfinishthatdreaded sentence. The elevator doors part, and Islip into the cabin, pressingthe buttonto my floorasquicklyasIcan Oncethedoorsclose,Iheaveasighofrelief.

You’re wary of attracting men because you ’ re scared they won’t be able to understand you Thewordshitmelikeapunchtomytemple. Iblink,almostabouttolookaroundforwhojustsaidthem. ButIrememberamomentlater Iclosemyeyesandletoutagrunt,frustrationgrowingquicklyinsideme.

Damn that jerk to hell

IhatedeverysecondofbeinginReggieTurner’shouse.Itwasgratingenoughwhenheexplainedtomehowtheinterview wouldgo,butnothinghadbeenworsethanhearinghimdescribemethatperfectly.

Andnow,awholeweekafterourfirstmeeting,Ionceagainadmitthetruthtomyself Everysinglethinghesaidaboutmeisright.IdoshyawayfromperfectmenlikeMattbecauseIknowtheywouldneverbe abletounderstandmyneedsanddesires ButthatwasnottheworstpartofmeetingReggie.

Mypulseraces as Iremember thefeel ofhis fingers tuckedunderneathmychin.Hehadn’tdonemuch,merelyraisedmy facetohis.

ButthatsingularactionwasenoughtomakemeunderstandthatReggieisaboutthestrongestalphamaleIhavemetinmy life.

AndIloveit

Myheart is clamoringwildlyagainst myribcage. Insevenyears, I had not met a manI thought could matchmysexual energy Butmybodyistellingmethat,ifgiventhechance,Reggiecould EvenifheisthebiggestassholeonplanetEarth AndalthoughIwantedtopersuademyselfthatIwasimmune,thatIwassafe,IhavetoadmitI’mnot.

It isn’t just that Reggie is a stunning man. Through my work, I meet a lot of athletes and celebrities. People who are powerful,domineering,strong ButthereissomethingelseaboutReggie Thethoughtofhimtakingchargeisdizzying Andknowingthatscaresme.Alot.

AsIstepoutoftheelevator,I’mdebatingiftakingthisjobistherightthing Iputmykeyinthelockandturnit.ThemomentIstepintomytidytwo-bedroomapartment,IhearCarlscreamforme. “Mommy!” he yells, and everysingle thoughtofReggie is forgottenas mysoncomes runningtoward me and wraps his stickylittlehandsaroundmywaist.

Ihughimback,happinessballooninginmychestatthefactthatI’mtouchinghimagain.Carlwasanunexpectedsurprise thatdrasticallychangedthetrajectoryofmylife

ButIdon’tregretgoingtothatHalloweenparty.

Mychestconstricts,andIpushthefeelingaway LookingdownatCarl,Iaskhimcheerfully,“Howwasschooltoday?” “Great!” he yells, with all the exuberance of a six-year-old. “But Grandma’s having problems helping me with my assignment.”

Ilethimleadthewayfromourcozylivingroomtooursmallkitchen.Mymotherishunchedoverthediningtable,drawing straightlinesoncardboard.

“Hey,”Igreether “Thanksforpickinghimupandwatchinghim”MyparentshadbeenhorrifiedwhenIcamehomefrom mysenior year ofcollegewithapositivepregnancytest,andfor amoment,Ithoughttheywouldkickmeout.ButonceCarl arrived,theirdisappointmentwasreplacedwithgratitudeandendlesslovefortheirgrandson IwaitformymothertotellmeaboutCarl’sday,asshealwaysdoesafterIthankherforwatchinghim.

Instead,aworriedsmilespreadsonherface.“Carl,”shesaysloudly.“Gofindusagreencrayon.”

Ashespeedsofftohisroom,Igivemymomaninquisitivelook,wonderinghowconcernedIshouldbe. “What’swrong?Didsomethinghappenatschool?”

Shesighs,herfingersflyingupandkneadingthegrayinghairsonhertemple “No,nothinglikethat Butlookatthis”Her eyesaretrainedonthecardboard.

Ilookdown,thewordsincoloredinkatthetopofthepaperregistering

Morris’s Family Tree

“Ohno,”Ihearmyselfwhisper

IwaswellawarethatthiswouldbeamongCarl’shomeworkduringhisfirstfewyearsofelementaryschool.Almostevery childinAmericahastodothisassignmentatleastonceintheirlifetime

AndIdreadeditforyearsnow.ButI’dassumedIhadabitmoretime,atleastuntilthethirdorfourthgrade. Ilookatmymother,notbotheringtohidethemoltenfear inmyeyes “What ?”Istart,notevencertainaboutwhatI’m goingtosay.

Butsheanswersmyquestionanyway.

“Hesayshistreeisskewed,”mymothermutters “Thatit’sgotonlyonebranch,andallofhisfriendshavetwo” Herwordsdigaholeinthecenterofmychest.Itakeadeepbreath,tryinghardtomaintainasmuchcalmasIcan.“Carl can’tbethefirstchildthatevergrewupwithoutafather Theteacherswillknowhowtoexplainthatfamiliesaredifferent” “Harper.” My mother breaks out her rarely used stern voice. “It’s not about the assignment anymore. Don’t you get it? Beforeyoucamein,hewasaskingquestionsabouthisfather”Shelingersinsilenceforamoment Alargerholeformsinmychest.

No, no, no.

IthasbeensixyearssinceCarlwasborn,andmymotherandfatherhavebeencuriousabouthispaternityformostofthat time.Itwaseasytostaysilentonthetopic.ItrulyhavenoideawhoCarl’sfatheris. ButIhavetosaysomethingtohimeventually

“Hehasn’taskedmeaboutityet.”IheldontotheflimsiestbitofhopethatCarlwouldnotbecurious. Mymomrollshereyes.“Whydoyouthinkthatis?”Hervoiceisreproachful.“Hebarelyseesyou,andevenheismature enoughtounderstandnottoaskyoudifficultquestionsduringthefewhoursyouspendtogether.”

Carl

Fatigueweighsheavilyonmyshoulders,andIslipintoachair.Everythingshesaidtonightcutsdeep. “I’mtryingmyhardesttoprovideforhim.”Ihatemyvoiceforsuddenlybreaking.“Andit’sfreakingdifficult.” “Iknowthat”Asympatheticgazecrossesherface “ButCarlhasalwaysgottobeyourfirstpriority” “He is.” Myvoice is turningshrill. “That’s whyI’ve beenpullingall these longshifts. Because I want to get himinto privateschoolassoonaspossible”

“Butthat’snottheonlythingyoucandotohelphim,”shecontinues,notbackingdown.“Youcanhelphimunderstandhis heritage Wherehecomesfrom,whohisdadis” Feelinglikeafailureofaparentisnotfun.

HowdoItellmysix-year-oldboythatIdon’tknowwhohisdadis?WhetherItellhimnoworwhenheisanadultmakes littledifference Istilldon’tknowwhothemanattheHalloweenpartywas Iletoutahugesigh.“Ican’tdothat,Mom.”

Not because I don’t want to, but because I don’t know the truth, either “Hey!”Carl’svoiceringsbehindme,interruptingmytrainofthought.“Foundthegreencrayon.Whatdidyouneeditfor, Grandma?”

Mymothertakesitwithasighandstartstoshadetheleavesofthefamilytree.IrealizeasecondlaterthatI’mholdingmy breath,waitingforCarltoaskmewhyhedoesn’thaveapaternitybranch.

Buthedoesn’t

Slowly,Ireleasemybreath,lettingmydespairseepoutofme,replacedwithasteelyresolution.

Mymotheriscompletelyright I’mnotbeingthebestofmomstomyson keepinglatehours,neverbeingaround,noteven abletotellhimwhohisfatheris.

ButthereisonethingIcando.Leavemysonfortwomonths,writethedamnedprofileofReggieTurner,andcomeback withapromotionthatwouldgivemestablehoursandenoughmoneytopayforprivateschool.

AllIneedtodoistogetthroughtwomonthswiththemostaggravatingmanontheplanet.

Withoutlettinghimhavehiswaywithme

CHAPTER 4

REGGIE

Socialgatheringsarenotmything Leastofallthepre-flightmeetupsattheairportshortlybeforegettingontheplaneto headtoagameinanothercity.

Whilelockerroombanter,teamhuddles,andgroupdinnersareall tiresomeintheirownway,thisoneis special And when it is the first game of the season, even more so. Everyone is in a mood so hopeful and happy it makes mine positivelyfoul,astheyalltradestoriesfromthelastseasonorhowgoodourchancesare.

IkeepmypositionasfarawayfromthehubrisasIcan,myarmsfoldedandmybackupagainstthewall Myteammatesare chatteringand jokinglike a bunchofpreschoolers. Thankfully, not a single one walks up to askme questions about myoff seasonorwhatIplantodowhenwegetofftheplane

Stayawayfrompeoplelongenough,andtheywilleventuallyrespectthatyouwanttobeleftalone.

I try not to focus too much on what they are saying But then, a word floats to my hearing from the nearest batch of chatterers.

Boston

Ilookaroundforthepersonwhosaidit It’sAaronKnightley,apimplylittlebratjustdraftedfromoneoftheDivisionOne colleges.Helooksasnauseatinglyhappyasanynewrecruitwouldaboutgettingtoplaytheirdreamsportonanationallevel.

Iforcefullyturnmygaze away, remindingmyselfthatit’s notAaron’s faultand thatitisn’tpossible anywayto cramthe wordbackinhisthroat.OurfirstgameisinBoston,andwearegoingtobethereforasignificantlylongperiodoftimebefore movingoutagain

Acknowledgingthatmakesmewanttobashmyknucklesagainstthewall. Ilookaroundforadistraction.Anythingwilldo.

Andthen,Ispother aflightattendantwhoisgrippingthehandleofhersuitcasemuchtootightlyassheheadsstraightfor me.

Iraise mybrows, silentlyurgingher to go back Sure, abouta dozenattendants have approached me like this, and they alwayshadthesamereason.Abouthalfthosetimes,Iwasinterestedenoughtosqueezemyselfinthedamnedplanetoiletand getiton.Ienjoyeddoingthatonceortwice,butmostofthetime,thesexwasmediocre,maybealittleboring.

AndthelastthingIwanttodoishavevanillasexwhileflyingtothecityIloathedmorethananythinginthenaturalworld. Butshedoesn’tstop.Sheheadsstraightforme,herfacegettingwhiterwitheachstep. It’sonlywhensheisafewfeetawayfrommethatIrecognizeher Wemetonlyafewmonthsago,onareturnflighttoNewYorkattheendoflastseason. Itdoesn’tsurprisemeintheslightestthatIforgother Theencounterhadprobablybeenuneventful,andIfounditbesttonot cluttermymemorywithanaverageperformance.

“Hi,Reg.”Anervoussmilespreadsacrossherface.

Areluctantshiverrunsthroughme.Iabsolutelycannotstandforcedfamiliarity,peoplepretendingtoknowmeonacloser levelthantheyactuallydo.

“Myname’sReggie,”Igrindout,keepingmygazeexpressionlessasImeethers “JustReggie” “Sure.”Herfaceturnsevenwhiter.“IjustthoughtI’dsayhi,youknow.And ” “Great Hi”

Hurtseepsintohereyes.Anyothermanwouldprobablybesofteningalittleatthat,maybeevenenoughtoapologize.

ButIdon’tfeeltheslightestbitcontrite.Beforewegotdowntoit,Imadeitclearthatitwasgoingtomeannothingtome whenwelanded Andsheagreed

ButIshould have foreseenthatshe would read a deeper meaninginto our tenminutes offunand make me outto be the villain

“IsentyouafewmessagesonInstagram,”shemutters.“Youhaven’treplied.”

Anirritatedsighescapesme.

“Idon’treplytofanmessagesonsocialmedia.”

Sheletsoutasmall,painedgasp “Fan?” Imeethergazesquarely.“Yes.”

ShelookslikeIjustrippedoutherkidneyandhandedittoher “Itdidn’tseemtomelikeyouthoughtofmeasafanwhen youfuckedmeintheplanebathroomafewmonthsago.”Hervoiceislowandthickwithvenom.

Adimmemoryofwhiskingherintotheconfinedspacecomestome Butagain,nothingregistersaboutthesex Itmusthavebeenunderwhelming.

“I canhardlyremember what happened that day.” I refuse to backdownas hurt mounts inher eyes. “But I thought you understoodwhatI’msureIsaid thatwhateverhappenedbetweenuswasaone-timething”

Herknucklesgowhite.Sheopenshermouthandthensnapsitshutagain.

Then,Iseetheworstthingofall:tearsstartinginhereyes

“Fine,”shespits.“You’reafreakingdick,ReggieTurner.AndIhopeIneverhavetoseeyouagain.”

The feeling is mutual

ButIkeepmymouthshutassheturnsawayandmarchesoff,headraisedhighinfauxdignity.

Myshoulderssagwithrelief.

“Imustcommendyou,”someonesaysoutofnowhere,andIturnaroundtoseeCoachErnestsmilingatmefromafewfeet away.“Thatwentbetterthanthelastone.Youknow,whathappenedatDullesairportwhenthatwomanwentintoascreaming fitbecauseyourefusedtoacknowledgeher?”

ThelastthingIneedrightnowisanoffhandlecture.

“Yourpoint?”Iaskthroughgrittedteeth.

Coachshootsmeasmallsmile.“Nothingatall.”Heraisesbothhandsup.“Only…thisisyourlastseason,Turner.Tryto keepitinyourpants.Noshoutingmatches,atleast.AllwewanttodoiswintheStanley.Nothingmore,nothingless.”

AsIopenmymouthtoreply,myeyescatchsightofHarperMorris,sittingononeoftheloungechairsbehindErnest Her fakeglassesareperchedonhernoseandherhairisupinaprimponytail.Sheisdressedinapuffyblousethatdoesnothingto hidetheupthrustofherbreasts,andhermatronlyA-lineskirtgoesdowntoherknees

ButIdon’tspareasecondglanceatheroutfit,eventowonderifsheiswearinganythingunderthatarchaiclookingskirt. Becauseasecondlater,Iregisterwhatsheisdoing.

Watchingme.Listeningintently.And…mystomachdoesaroughsomersault…scribblingonagiantnotepad. Ithitsmethenextinstant.

HarperMorrisjustwitnessedwhathappenedbetweenmeandtheattendant Andsheintendstowritethatintomyprofile “Now,”CoachErnestissaying,“weshouldreallybetalkingabout…” “Pardonme,Coach”IstormpasthimtowhereHarperisseated,herheadbentoverhernotepad “You’vegottobefuckingkiddingme.”Myvoiceisfilledwithadeadlywarning.

Shelooksupatme,andI’mchagrinedtoseeafakesmileofsurpriseperchedonherlips.“Hi,Reggie,”shechirps.“Didn’t seeyouthere”

Grabbingherbythearmanddragginghertoherfeet,soIcanyellinherfaceisprobablynotthebestidea.Foldingmyown armstomaketheurgesubside,Ihiss,“Fuckinganswerme,Harper Whatthehellareyoudoing?Whatareyouwriting?”

Thesmiledisappearsfromher face.“I’mdoingmyjob.Youknow,thejobyour agentbegged PulsePixel to consider for months The one thatinvolves anhonestprofile aboutyou, so our viewers canknow everythingthere is to know And right now,”shesays,raisingherhandsanddroppingthemagain,“you’renotgivingusmuchofaninsidepeek.Yourdramawiththat flightattendantisprettymuchthesameoldstoryeveryoneknowsaboutyoubyheart.”

“Whichispreciselywhyyoucan’twritethingslikethat,”Ispitather,myfurymounting HowthefuckdidIgetstuckwith thiswoman,outofthemillionsofreportersoutthere?“Thisprofileissupposedtoimprovethepublic’sperceptionofme.”

Harperstandsup,resolutionheavyinhereyes “Wellthen,”shesays “Youshouldhavethoughtofthatbeforeyourquickie onaplane.Classy,bytheway.”

Her voice is a little louder onthe last few words most likelyintentionally and Inotice a few ofmyteammates turn around.Someoneevensniggers.

WhenIlookbackatHarper,shehasthesmuggestlittlesmileonherface.

Mythoughtsmorphintoarock-soliddecisioninaquicksecond

Tohellwithpropriety,Ithink,asItakeherbythewristandwalkawayfrommyteamandtowardhandicappedbathroom. Harperletsoutatinygrowlofresistance,butIpushthedooropen,dragherin,andlockthedoorbehindus Suddenly,weareallalone.

AndI’mexcitedforwhat’sabouttohappennext.

Afewsecondsago,IwaspokingfunatReggieTurnerforhowclassyitwasthathegotitoninaplanebathroom

Butthenhegrabbedmebymywrist,andIjustfollowedhimintoanairportbathroom.

Liketheweakestwomanintheentireuniverse

Notmuchclassier,ifyouaskanybody.

Themerethoughtofhavingsexinapublicplaceisthrilling,andIdon’tfeelanounceoffearashelocksthedoor,shutting usin

EventhoughIstilldislikeReggie,particularlyafterhearinghowhetreatedthatpoorwomanoutthere.

ButthelasttimeIwasconfinedtoasmallspacewithamanwhoknewhowtohandlemywildside,Ihadthebestsexual encounterofmylife.

AndReggieisexactlythatsortofguy

Myheartslamsinmychestashepushesmeupagainstthedoorofthebathroomandstepsasclosetomeashecanwithout ourbodiesbrushing.

“I’mgoingtomakeonethingperfectlyclear”His voiceis low withwarning “This profileisn’taboutwhatyoumayor maynotwitnessoverthenextfewmonths.It’saboutwritingwhatwillsellmetoyouraudience.”

I’mdistractedbythelow simmer inmybelly Thereis somethingprimal abouthim,asluttybadboymagicthatturns me molten.

“Actually,it’snot”Defiantly,Istarebackathim,curioustoseewherethisisgoing “It’saboutyou Theprofileisgoingto sellanyway.Maybeit’llsellevenbetterifpeoplebelievethey’vebeenrightaboutyouallalong.”

Heslamshispalmonthewallnexttome.Nothardenoughtofrightenme,butenoughtomakemeunderstandthatheisnot happy Asintenseashisgazeis,Iknow thatReggiewouldneverhurtawoman Afly,maybe Anotherman,forsure Butnot me.Ifonlyheknewthatallhiscavemandisplayachievedwastosendahotcurrentzippingalongmynerveendings.

IyawnasloudlyasIcan,wantingtoconveyhowunscaryIthinkheis

“Wedonehere?”Apartofmeisabitdisappointed.NotthatIactuallywantedthistogomuchfurther,butIdidthinkitwas goingtoplayoutinamorethrillingway.

“Farfromit.”Hebringshisfaceevenclosertome.Icatchawhiffofhismintflavoredbreath.“Givemethat.” Iraisemybrows.“What?”

“Thatdamnpadyouwerescribblingon” Ilookdownatthe notebookI’mclutching. “Notgoingto happen.” Islip itinto the pocketofmyskirt. Reggie mightbe rougharoundtheedges,butI’mpositivehewillnotfumbleundermyskirtwithoutmypermission Hisfacedarkens,andheopenshismouth,probablytobellowoutyetanotheremptythreat,butIgettohimfirst.

“Youcanholdoffonwhateveryou’reabouttosay,”Ispit.“BecauseI’mnotpublishinganythingaboutyou…yet.” “Whatdoyoumean?”

IstraightenupsoI’mnolonger leaningagainstthedoor.Hestill hulksover me,butI’malittlemoreincontrol.“Thisis supposedtobeaprofileaboutthemanbehindthemask,Reggie I’mnotgoingtowriteastoryaboutwhatIjustwitnesseduntil Iknowwhyyoubehavethewayyoudo.”

HelooksatmelikeI’mbatshitcrazy “Whatthehelldoyoumeanbythat?”

“Youcansave yourself.” Asmile forms onmylips as Iwhip outmynotepad and pencil again. “You’ll looka lotmore tolerabletoourreadersifyoutell mewhyyoutreatwomenlikechattel.Youbehavedlikeajackasstothatlady,andIcould tellthatwasn’tyourfirstrodeo”

“RemindmetokillErnestthenexttimeIseehim,willyou?”

Iscribbledownhiscommentaboutkillinghiscoachandputitbackinmypocket

“Moreproofthatyoucarryaroundalot ofragefornoreasonanyonecansee,”Iadd.“Butlet’sgetbacktothethingaboutwomen.Didsomeonebreakyourheartwhen

youwereateenager,andyoudecidedtobecomeaprick?”

His eyes flashwithfury. “This isn’ta fuckingtherapysession. Also, you’re notgoingto write anythingaboutwhatjust happened That’sanorder” An order.

Myskincrawlswithgoosebumps Thebarelycontainedpowerinhisbodymakesmyfemininityclench Pushingthe moment ofweakness away, Isuckina deep breath. We’re finallygettinginto a groove. Ihave interviewed enoughrage-filledmentoknowthatthebreakthroughsarealwaysontheothersideoftheirthreats Ijustneedtopushalittlebitmore.

“Also,Inoticedyou’renottoofriendlywithyourteammates.Youdidn’tsayawordtoanyofthem,andtheyskirtaround youtoo Why’sthat?”

Heplacesoneofhistremblingfistsonthewallnexttomyhead.“Stoptalking.Now.” IfeelthetiniestbitofirritationasIlookupathim “Orwhat?You’regoingtomakeme?”

Heholdsmygazewithhis,histensiondissolvingintoasuggestivesmirk “Icouldmakeyou.”

Somethingaboutthewayhesaysthosewordscausesalumptoforminmythroat.Goosebumpsarerisingonmyskinagain, butIpaythemnoheed

“Youcanmakemeleaveyoualonefasterbytalking. ”

Hetakesastepforward Iinstinctivelyretreat,pressedagainstthedoor Headvancesagain

“Don’tyouremember?”hedrawlsinalowmurmur.“IfiguredyououtfromthesecondIsawyou.Asmuchasyoupretend youlovehunchingdownandscribblingabsolutegarbageaboutpeopleonyournotepad,youwantmore Youwanttobeseen, outsideofthishorribleoutfityou’vegoton.”

Mythroatstartstocloseonitself.

Howdoeshemanagetopushmeoffmygameeverytime,withoutbreakingasweat?

Andwhatdoeshehaveagainstmyoutfits?

“Maybeyouevenwantmetowrestlethenotepadoffyou I’dhavetotouchyou,andyou’rescreamingtobetouched” Myheartisbangingagainstmyribcage.

Iforceoutalaughthatsoundsfoolisheventomyownears.“Onceagain,you’regettingaheadofyourself.” “AmI?”hemutters.Hisfingersreachforward,fillingthespacebetweenourbodies.Iholdmybreathashepressesagainst thewaistofmyskirt.Thenhegoeslower,brushingpasttheedgeofmypocket.

Ilookupathim Hiseyesarestillonmine Heiswaitingformetostophim,topushhimoffmeandtellhimtobackoff ButIdonosuchthing.

Becauseheisabsolutelyright Iwanttoknowwhathistouchfeelslike. Lettinghimhavemeisoffthetable.Butmaybethereisabitoffuntobehadbydancingnearthecliff. His fingers push into my pocket and find my notepad, but they don’t close around it Instead, he pushes backward, his fingersscrapingmybum.

Withoutwarning,hegrabsandholdsontomyass Tightly Asuddentidalwaveoflustovercomesme.Anerrantmoanslipsoutofmymouth,unbidden.

Thereisaglimmerofknowinginhiseyes,andI’malmostembarrassedtolookupathim WhileIwanttouncoverwhoReggieTurneris,Iwanthimtoholdmeevenmore.

“See?”hemutters,hislipsaninchfrommyear.“Youwantthis.Badly.”

Hesqueezesmeagain,andmykneestremble Iwanttohavealittlebitmoreresolve,butithas beenalongtimesinceI havebeentouchedbyaman.

Andnowthatheisdoingit,I’mfindingitimpossibletopushhimaway Withmylastbitofstubbornness,Istraightendefiantly.

“You’renotgoingtomakemewritewhatyouwant”

Helooksmildlyamused.“Notyet,anyway.”

Hegivesmyassonelastsqueezebeforehewithdrawshishandfrommypocket.Ikeepmylipsjammedshut,nottrusting myselftoholdmymoan

Hisgazedipslower,findingmybreasts.Thereisnotanounceofshynessinhisstare.Hecaressesmewithoutatouch,and mycheststartstoheavewiththeweightofhisattention

“Notyet,”hemurmursagain.“Butverysoon,Harper,you’llbebeggingmetotouchyou.”

A burning sensation courses through my chest. I want to raise my chin and tell him to go to hell, remind him how inappropriatehiswordsare.

ButIcan’t.Becauseheissorightitactuallypainsmetoadmit.Apartofmewantstobeghimtotouchmerightnow.

“And whenIfinallysee younaked…” He reaches out casuallyand pulls me in, his fingers heavyonmyass. Mylungs constrictasmybreastsarecrushedagainsthispowerfulchest“…you’regoingtobebeggingmetoclaimyou.AndI’mgoing tofuckyousogood,you’llforgeteverythingbuthowtomakemehappy EvenifitmeanswritingonlywhatItellyouto” Heletsgoofme,movesmeawayfromthedoor,andslipsoutthroughit.

Myheartispounding,andmybodyistremblingasIstareafterhim

Irecall the flightattendant, the wretchedness inher gaze as Reggie refused to acknowledge her and she stormed away. I was sorryfor her and angryatReggie ButIalso feltslightlyicky Iwondered whyshe feltthe need to go to himwhenshe probablyknewthekindofpersonheis.Reggieisdeathlyattractive,butthereareamillionotherguysoutthere.Hemightbe masterfulatsex,butthereisnowayheisthatgood.

Butmaybe itisn’tjustaboutthat Itcould be the raw, unmatched power he exudes Suchthatcould make anywoman includingme dowhathewantsregardlessofherowndesires.

IamstartingtounderstandtheappealofReggieTurner

REGGIE

Themomentthebuzzergoesoff,myteammateseruptinanuproarthatreverberatesaroundthestadium Iskateawayfrom themessofscreamingandhuggingbodiesbeforeitgetstoodamnmuchtohandle.Handingmystickovertheglasstoa randomkid,Ileavetheicefor thewidepassagewaythatleadsdirectlyintothelocker room Iappreciatethatall the fansstreamingfromthebleacherskeepawideberthastheyruntotherink.

Ever since we came to Boston, mymood has takena positivelyhorrible turn, whichis impressive, consideringit was alreadyawful Buteverylittlethingaboutthiscityfuelsarageinsideme,andeverycellinmybodyisitchingtogetaway Notevenwinningour firstgame ofthe seasonhas appeased me. And rightnow, Iamdesperate to getbackto myhotel room,takeahotshower,andsleepforhoweverlongittakestowashthetirednessoffme “Goodgame.”

IscowlatthevoiceofCoachErnest,who,ofcourse,isstridinguptome “Ididwhatyouwantedmetodo,”Itellhim.“Wewon.Whatelsecouldyouneedfrommerightnow?”

Hekeepsanirritatinglittlesmileonhisface.“Iknow,Iknow,”hesays,puttinguphishands.“Youdon’twantpeopleto associatewithyouandallofthat Heavenforbid,weeverseeyouhappy Howyoumaintainagoodgameontheicewiththat attituderemainsamystery.Youeverthinkyourreportermightgoeasyonyouifyoushowyouhaveaheartbytalkingtosome ofyourfansbeforeyouleavetherink?”

“WhatthehelldoyouknowaboutHarper?”Iaskhim.

WehavebeeninBostonforallofoneweek,butHarperisalreadydrivingmebatshit Sinceourepisodeinthebathroom theoneIwassocertainwouldcausehertobackoff shehasgonecompletelymental.Hernextcourseofactionhasbeento nagmeconsistentlyaboutdoingasit-downinterview.Andnomatterhow manytimesItell hertobuzzoff,shetakesitasan invitationtoaskwithmoreintensity

AsmuchasIhatetoadmitit,Iamattheendofmyrope.Itishardtogethertoleavemebewhentheoneweaponinmy arsenalisuselessagainsther

NottomentionthatIfeelmyselffallingpreytohercharms.

The time we shared inthe bathroomwas a clusterfuck. WhenI touched her, a current of electricityzipped throughme, turningmycocktogranite. Athickcoilofhairunraveledoverhershoulder,brushingmyarm,andthescentofhershotmeinto anearcatatonicstate,leavingmewithaburningandoverwhelmingneedtoclaimher. Ontopofit,shedidnotseemscaredlikesheshouldhave AndwhileIwantalotofwomen,Harperisdifferent.Primarilybecauseeveryaspectofherpersonalityiseerilysimilarto mine Sheissomeonewhowantstobeincontrol

Exceptinthebedroom.That’smytheory,atleast.AndI’meagertotestitsvalidity. Justthinkingofbreakinghermakesherdamnnearirresistible.Makesmewanttogoonthechasethatmuchmore. “Ionlyknowshe’sbeenrecordingeverysingleactionofyourssinceyougothere.” Igrimace.Coachisright.EverypracticeofourshasbeenwatchedfaithfullybyHarper,whospendsthetimescribblingin her fuckingjournal OnceImadeitclear thatIwas notgoingtospeaktoher,shedecidedtoobservemeinstead Andevery timeIletoutmyangeratsomethingorsomeone,Inoticeshescribblesabitfaster.

“Yeah,well,”Isay “Whatelse?”

“Someoftheotherplayersgotuncomfortable,”Ernestsays,stillwearinghisloopygrin.“So,Ihadtoconfronther.” “Idon’twantanyofyoutalkingtoher,”Isaythroughgrittedteeth.ThelastthingIwantisforthiscircustogofullyblown. Coachshrugs,unconcerned “Ihadto Playerswereconcernedshewaswritingaboutthem ButwhenImetwithher,she seemedtounderstand.Madeitabsolutelyclearshewasinterestedinonlyyou.”

“That’sarelief,”Isay,myvoicetingedwithsarcasm

Hedoesnotseemtonotice.“Butshealsomentionedthatyouarenotwillingtoengage.”

“It’snoneofyourdamnbusiness.”Ipushpasthimandtowardthelockers.

Hehurries after me.“Itis,ifitinvolves her followingyouaroundandspyingonthe restofthe guys.Talkingtoher will makeallofthisgoawayfaster”

“Ionlysigneduptodotheprofiletoliftthebadpublicityaboutme.”IhatethatI’mstartingtosoundlikeabrokenrecord. “I’mnotgoingtoletherx-raymebecauseofthat”

“Youdoknowyoucouldmakethismucheasieronyourselfifyouspentasecondsmilingatthefansbeforeleaving?Maybe she’llfindotherthingstowriteaboutyou,then?”

Iscowlathim.“Soyoukeepmentioning.Andbytheway,yousoundexactlylikeher.”

“Maybebecausewehadaconversationbeforethegame,”hegrins.“Pleasantwoman.”

Myeyesaresmartingwithanger

“Whythefuckdidyoutalktoher?”

He shrugs “Because Iwantedto,” he says easily “Butshe didshare whyshe needs tolatchontoyouas tightlyas she’s doing.”

Myfingersfoldintofists Great Shemanagedtoconvincemycoachthateverythingsheisdoingislegit Harperisaboutto becomeevenmoreinsufferable.

“Shedidneedafavortoo,”Coachsaysnow.

“What,permissiontowatchmeintheshower?”

Hegrins.“Well,no,”hesays.“Shewantedtoknowifitwouldbeokaytotalktotheteamaboutyou.”

“You’vegottobekiddingme”

“Shementionedthattheprofilewouldsuckifshestartedtoreleasepiecesaboutyourattitudearoundthem.Saiditwould lookbadnotonlyforyou,butfortheNewYorkRangersasawhole.Anewdraftseasoniscomingup.Wedon’twantcollege playersavoidingusbecauseyougaveusabadrepbeforeyouleft.”

“That’snevergoingtohappen.She’s playingyou.Andshe knows exactlywhattosaytomake youbelieve her ideas are valid”

CoachErnestisunconcerned.“Ican’ttakeyourwordforitoverhers,”hesays.“She’sbeenworkingthepressforyears. Youronlyexperiencewiththemishow topissthemoff Andevennow,whenyou’vegotachancetohunkerdownandleave withagoodrep,you’rebeingstubborn.”

It’sgettinghardertokeepmycool.“Again,noneofyourdamnbusiness.”

“Well,itmightbe,”hesays,foldinghisarms.“ItoldherIwouldtalkthingsoverwithyou,butI’mconsideringgivingher thego-aheadtotalktotheguys.Itdoesn’tinfringeonyourrights,anditmeansshegetstodoherworkfaster.Plus,ifandwhen theycondemnyouasanoutlier,ittakesthestinkofyourprofileofftheteam”

Iclosemyeyesandtakeadeepbreath,tryingtokeepmyswirlingheadundercontrol.

“I’mnotgoingtoletyoudothat,”Isay,oncemyeyesareopenagain Coach’sgringoeswider.“Yeah,Ithoughtyou’dsaythat.Shedidaswell.So,sheofferedyouanout.”

“An…out?”

“Yeah,” he says “She’s inthe little café bythe stadiumwaitingfor you Ifyoudon’twanther askingthe teamquestions aboutyou,meethertheresoyoucanfinallystarttotalk.Yougettotellherwhattowriteaboutallbyyourself.”

Also known as a sit-down interview

Ernestclapsmeontheshoulder.“Seeyou,pal.”Hechucklesashestrollsaway.

Istareafterhim,fuming Still,thefuryIhaveforhimisnothingcomparedtowhatInowfeelforHarper Itwasdumbtothinkthatasimple‘no’wouldholdherback. Sheisplayingdirty.

It’stimeIdothesame

Twentyminutes later, I’msittingacross fromher ina nauseatinglycutesycafé I have never walked into before. She is wearinga matronlydress thatfalls below her knees Her wavybrownhair is ina tightupdo atthe crownofher head Her beautifulfaceisbareofmakeup,butsheisstillspottinghertrademarkredlipstick.

“I’mgladyoucame,”shesays,pureinnocenceonherface

Myjawclenches.“Let’sgetthisoverwith.”

Shestaresdownatthenotepad.I’mdispleasedtoseethatit’slookingwaymorewornthanitwasjustaweekago.Ishould havetakentheblastedthingwhenIhadthechance

“Let’sstartwithyourupbringing.Didyougrowupinahappyhome?”

Mymindwanders,thinkingabouthowitwouldfeeltobiteonthosefulllips “Doesn’tmatter” “Idisagree.”Sheisalreadyputtingpentopaper.

“WhatonEarthareyouwriting?”

Her innocent smile is still in place as she looks up at me. “Well, being shady about your upbringing usually points to somethingdarkerunderneath.I’mjustmakinganoteofthat.”

Ihavetoclampdownontheurgetostandupandputthisinterviewtoanendbeforeweevengetstarted.

Instead, I stay put and grit my teeth. “That’s absurd. It’s normal not to disclose your life history to a stranger who’s basicallystalkingyou”

She shrugs.“I’dtell anyone whoaskedaboutmychildhood.People whoholdbackas muchas youusuallyhave a lotto hide”

“Fine,”Ispit,foldingmyarms.“Let’splayagamethat’llhelpmeopenup.”

Awarylookwashesoverherfeatures “I’mnot goingto propose yousit onmyface.” I grinas she turns cherryred. “Youanswer a questionof mine for any questionyouwanttoaskme.”

Shelooksconfused “Whatgoodisthatgoingtodo?”

“First,yougettobeonthehotseatforonce.”Ireachforthemugofcoffeeinfrontofherandtakeasip.“Second,Igetto learnsomethingaboutyoutoo It’sonlyfair”

“Ifyouwantitthatbadly,alrightthen.”

“I have one other request though” My shoulders tense up with the weight of my words “No questions about my childhood.”

“Yeah,notnow,but ”

“Ever”ThewordcomesoutsternerthanIwanteditto,butIdonotregretit Thisisnonnegotiable

Shestaresatmeforafewseconds.Then,surprisingly,sheletsoutadeepbreathandmoveson.

“Fine,”sheagrees “Whendidyoustartlikinghockey?”

The questionis a lot easier thanI would have thought. “Inmyteens. I saw a game whenI was twelve and decided to becomeahockeyplayer.”

“Didyoutellyourparentsaboutyourdream?Didtheyhelpyou?”

Myshouldersstiffen.“You’veaskedaquestion.Igettoaskmine.Whatageisyourson?”

Thewarinessinhergazeincreases Good MaybethisgamewillworkevenquickerthanIexpected “InevertoldyouIhaveason.”

“Youjustlooklikeaboymommy”

Sheletsoutasharpbreath.“Idon’tevenwanttoknowwhatthat’ssupposedtomean.”Shepauses,asifweighingthepros and cons ofgoingalongwiththis game. “Mysonis six,” she says throughgritted teeth. “Myturn. Is your lackoflong-term commitmenttoromanticrelationshipsachoice,or dowomenfindyouutterlyrepulsivebecauseyouassumeyouknow every littlethingaboutthem?”

Herangerwashesovermyfurylikeasoothingsalve MaybethismeetingisgoingtobealotmoreenjoyablethanIthought

“Idon’tassume.Iknowforsure. ”

“Youdon’tknowanythingaboutme”

Ifeel atinytwingeofamusement.“Iwasrightaboutyouhavingason.Iknow youkeepdressinginthoseabsurdclothes becauseyouarehidingsomething.AndIknowhowmuchyouwantmetotouchyou.”

Herjawdropstothefloor

“You’reludicrous.Andwhollyinappropriate.”Thereisaslighttrembleinhervoice. Isitstraighterandleanin “No,I’mnot You’venotbeentouchedrightinalongtime Icantell AndifIhaddecidedtolift yourskirtandfingeryoubackinthatairportbathroom,youwouldhavegonealongwithithappily.Youaredesperateforme. Sure,youfeelguiltyaboutitandcoveritupwithyourquestions,butyouarenotfoolingme”

“Youdon’tgetto…”

Itake her hand inmine, brushingmythumb over her knuckles and fixingmygaze onhers. It’s softand small againstmy callousedskin Therestofherprotestseemstodieinherthroat

Iwaswrong,Irealize.Yeah,Harperisadifficultwomantobreak,butsheisstillawoman.Andmaybeitisnottheworst thingintheworldtobreakher I’mmoreattractedtoherthanIwouldlike,butaslongasIremainincontrol,Icoulddoublethe fun.

“Here’sthethingthough”Icontinuecaressingherhand Herskinislikevelvet “Youdon’tneedtopretendwithme Isee you.”

Ashiverrunsthroughherbody,butshedoesnotpullback.I’mnotsurprised.HarperisasobsessedwithwinningasIam.

“Youknownothingaboutme,”shemurmursweakly

“I’ll take thatchallenge.” Ithrow a cursoryglance atthe restaurantaround us. We are tucked ina corner, awayfromthe attentionofeveryoneelse Stillsittingdown,Idragmychairtowardthetable Harperletsoutasmallgaspasmykneesbrush hers.

Asmiletugs thecorner ofmylips.“Youwouldn’tbethis scaredofmegettingcloser ifyouweren’tworriedaboutwhat youwoulddoifItouchedyou.”

“I’mnotscared.”Hereyesarefilledwithspite,alongwithsomethingelse.

Daring.

Sheisdaringmetotouchher.Daringmetomakeherlosecontrol.

“Youshouldbe”

Iletgoofherhand,placingbothofmineonmyknees.Slowly,Ireachforwardandbrushoneofherlegs.Harperflinches, butshedoesn’tprotestorpullaway Ihavealwaysenjoyedachallenge.

“Youdon’tmindifItouchyouthisway,doyou?”MyeyesarenotleavinghersasIreachoverherunnecessarilylowhem, slippingpasther toned legs and slidingupward. Imightlike to playrough, butnotwithoutconsent. Her eyes are trained on mine,andIgofurther,untilI’mbrushingagainstthelowerpartofherinnerthigh.

Therearebeadsofsweatonherforehead,butshemanagestomaintainadisdainfulexpression

“So,what,you’regoingtofingermeintoforgettingyoupromisedmeaninterview?”

“Wouldyoulikemeto?”

Shelookssurprisedatmyquestion.Buthermaskdoesnotfall.Yet. “Classy”

“IneverclaimedIwas.”

Shenarrowshereyes.“Youthinkyou’requiteskilledatusingsextogetoutofdifficultconversations,aren’tyou?Isthat whyyoukeepfantasizingaboutmysexlife?Andyoukeepthinkingyou’reright”

“I’mrightaboutyou.”Iglidemyfingersevenclosertohercenter.Harpershivers,butshestaysput.“Youcangooffabout howdirtyIliketoplay,butitdoesn’thideonesimplefact”

“Whatisthat?”

“That you want this.” As I slide my fingers higher, I expect to brush against her panties, maybe even some granny underwearthatIwouldhavetopushaside.

ButImeetnothing.

She is completelybare underneath Nopanties,nohair Myfingers are brushingagainsther slick,pulsingcunt Aroil of heatwashesoverme,whileallthebloodfrommyheadrushessouth,makingmelightheaded.

AgutturalgroanescapesmeasIstarebackather Shetiltsherheadandsmirks Sheistheveryimageofpoise,andnoone passingbywouldguessthatsheisthiswetforme,andthatIaminchesfromslippingmyfingerintoher.

Somethingaboutherabilitytomaintainastraightfacefillsmewithaneedtobreakher. Iwanttoseeherunravel.

Slowly,Ibrushagainstheropening.Shepartsherlips,panting,herhipsmovingtowardme.

“Youfeelamazing,”Igrowl,notbreakingeyecontact Hereyesarehalfclosed,herlipsparted,assheshamelesslygrinds againstmypalm. “Is all this creaminess for me, baby?” Ismile as Ipushmyfingers into her,almostlosingthe lastshred of control

WhatIwouldgivenowifIcouldhaveherinadarkalleyalltomyself.

Shecocksherheadtooneside,stillpanting,thoughtryingtoregaincomposure.“Areyouaboutdone?Orareyougoingto keepfingeringmebecauseyouthinkit’llmakemeforgethowtodomyjob?”

It’saharshsentence,buthervoiceisinshreds.

Isaynothing,insteadslidingmyfingersinandoutofher,pinchingherclit Harper’steetharejammedtogether,likesheis tryinghard notto letouta traitorous sound. Buther core is pulsingaround myfingers, quickening. She is grindingher hips againstmypalmnow,andI’mabouttolosemymindimagininghowshewouldfeelwrappedaroundme

“Letgo for me, baby. Letme see youcome undone for me.” Ileaninto her, whispering, as Igraze mylips over her ear, bitinghergently.Herpussyconvulsesaroundmyfingersinapowerfulorgasm.Istrokeherclit,brushingitwithmythumbuntil shestopsshivering Mydickishard,andittakesallofmyrestraintnottowhiskherbacktomyhotelroom

Herforeheadisslickwithsweat,andherentirefaceisredderthanatomato.

Slowly,Islipmyfingersoutofher,thethrillofvictoryrushingthroughme

“Youcan’tkeepdoingthis.”Harper’seyesarefilledwithacrazedamountofconfusionandlust.“Iwon’tletyoudistract mefrommyjobbydoing ”

Holdingmygazewithhers,Iraisemyhandtomylipsandlickherjuiceoffoneofmyfingers.

Sheinhalessharply.Hergazedropstomymiddlefinger,stillslickwithherarousal,andIbrushitacrossherlowerlip.

“Nexttime,Iwanttoseeyoufallapartonmycock”

Lustfillshereyesassheswipeshertongueoverherlips,andI’mabouttoexplode.

Strange I’mnotquiteinthehabitoflosingmyselfwhentryingtoridawomanofhercontrol

Sheisbreathinghard,hercollarbonesrisingandfallingrapidly.Shestaresstraightbackatme,andwesilentlychallenge eachotherinastaringcontest.

Finally,withasighofdefeat,shepushesbackherchairandstandsup.

“Thisinterviewisover,”shemuttersbeforeturningaroundandstormingoutofthecafé,herskirtflutteringbehindher.

Iwatchher,thejoyofwinningsurgingupinsideme.Butthereisanother,evenmorepowerfulfeeling. Thestingofloss.

BecauseIwouldratherholdHarperinmyarmsasshegetsmetospillmydeepest,darkestsecretsthanhaveherwalkaway fromme.

“It’sbeentendays,Harper There’snowayyouhaven’tgotanythingtoreporttomeatall”

IletoutaraggedbreathasIdumpmyselfontothehugehotelbed.WewerestayingputinBostonforoveraweek, andI’vebeengettingusedtothesix-hundred-threadEgyptiancottonsheets ButIcouldbarelyenjoybeingstuckinafour-starhotelwhenIhadnothingtoreporttomybosses.

“Walkmethroughit.”Dora’svoicesoundslikesheischompingonsomethingontheotherendoftheline,butIcanalsotell sheisnothappy

“Idon’tknowwhattotellyou,”Isayhonestly.“Itisn’tgoingaswellasI’dhoped.”

“Whatdoyoumean?Ishebeingtight-lippedorwhat?”

Goosebumps formonmyskinas Irecall Reggie’s fingers slippingbetween my lips.Stomachfoldingfromthe memory, I closemyeyesasshamewashesoverme

Whatiswrongwithme?WhyonearthdidIlethimfingermeinarestaurant?

AndhowdidIletmyselfenjoyitsomuch?

Ithasbeenthreedayssincetheattemptedinterview,andIthoughtofhimeverysingleday

Thereis nodenyingthatIamintohim.Badenoughtoletgoofanyounceofself-respectIhadandlethimhavehis way withme

IfI’mhonestwithmyself,Iwashopingforsomethinglikethat.WhyelsedidIdecidetonotwearpantiesbeforegoingto thatcafé?ApartofmewantedReggietomakeamove

Andhedid.

“Harper?”

Istartleatthesoundofmyname

“Yeah,Igotnothing,”Isay.“Reggierefusestospeaktome.”

Doraletsoutafrustratedsigh “Thatdoesn’tmeanyouhavenothing You’vebeenshadowinghimforoveraweek” Ireachacrossthebedtomybedsidetableformytrustynotepad.Ittakeslessthanaminutetoflipthroughthepages. “Sure,I’vegotalotofinterestingstuffhereabouthim.I’vewitnessedafewofhistempertantrums,andI’venoticedhow muchofagrumpylonerheis.Hebarelyspeakstoanyone.”

“Whydon’tyouwritesomethingaboutthat,then?”

Ishakemyhead “That’sjustmoreofthesameold EveryoneknowsReggieTurnercanbeabitofanasshole Ithoughtthis profile was supposed to go deeper.” While I could not care less about branding Reggie as a sympathetic character to an audience,writingahalf-assedprofileisnotgoingtobodewellformypromotion

“Harper,” Dora chides, and Icantell her frustrationis mounting. “Youcan’twrite anin-depthprofile onsomeone who doesn’t want to openup to you. He’s got to saysomething. And we can’t wait around for himmuchlonger. We’re wasting preciousresourcesbykeepingyouthere.”

Myheartmisses a beatas fear ricochets throughmybody. Pullingme outofhere would meanwaymore thanlosingthe chance to write Reggie Turner’s profile Itwould also meanlosingmyjob promotionand never gettingCarl into a private school.Andthatmeanseverythingtome.

MybraingoesintopanicmodeasIthinkofsomething,anything,togetDoratonotgothroughwithpullingmeoutofhere I knowsheisrightaboutmywastingresources.

Mymindgoesbacktothedayatthecafé,beforeReggiehadmanagedtomakeafooloutofme.Hisfirstgroundrulehad beenformetoasknothingabouthispast Iamawarethatalotofcelebritieshaveawfulchildhoods,butmostofthemendup talkingaboutitsoonerorlater.

ButnotReggie Ispentmydaysintheroomgooglinghimfrantically,andIpulledupblankeachtime Hehasneverspoken abouthispast.EverytimeIsearchedhislastname,Ididn’tgetanythingeither.Iamconvincedhechangedhisnamesomewhere

downtheline.

“Iunderstandyou’remad,”ItellDoranow.“Butthere’sastoryhere.Ifeelitinmybones.Reggiehassomethingtohide, anditmighttakealotofdigging,butI’mgoingtouncoveritsoonerorlater” “I’mgoingtoletyou,”Dorasays.“Ifyoutellmehowyou’replanningtodothat.”

After tryingeverythinginmypower to make Reggie talkover the pastfew days, Icame up withnothing He is greatat deflectingandinitiatingsexualconversationstoavoidspeakingabouthimself.Andlikeafool,Ifallforiteverysingletime.

ThereisabsolutelynopointpretendingIcanconvinceReggietofessuptome Ihavetodosomethingelse.

AlumpformsinmythroatasIrecallReggie’sfingersbrushingpastmythighsandagainstmyopening.Itrynottoremember howdamnedgooditfelt,focusingonthelookonhisface,thesoundhehadletout He’dbeenturnedon,justasmuchasIhadbeen.

Reggiedistractedmebyseducingme Hehasdoneittwicenow Buttwocouldplaythatgame.

Myheartratequickens Idon’twanttousemyselfasbaitforthisprofile,butIwilldoanythingtoavoidbeingcalledback to New York and losing my promotion. Making sure my son enjoys the advantages of a good education is worth the embarrassmentoftryingtoseduceReggietogethimtotalk.

AndmaybeIwouldonlyhavetoplaythiscardonce AllIneedisenoughinformationtogetmestartedonthearticle Once Iknowwhatheishiding,itwouldbemucheasiertokeepDorahappyforthenextfewweeks.

Itwouldbuymesometimetofigureoutmynextmove

“Givemefivedays,”Iplead.“I’llcomeupwithsomething.Youdon’tneedtoknowhow.ButI’llgetthefirstarticleover toyoubeforenextweek.”

Sheletsoutaraggedsigh.“Fine,”sheagrees.“Fivedays.AndifIdon’tseesomethingbefore thattime eclipses, you’re comingbackhome.”

Thelinegoesdead Iclosemyeyes,myhearthammering I’mabouttodotheunthinkable.

ONE HOUR LATER, I’mstandinginfrontofLa Torte, a private club and today’s hangoutspotfor the New YorkRangers My palmsarecoldwithsweatasIsteppastthebouncersandintothedimlylitclubinterior.

Icatchsightofmyselfina reflective mirror bythe side ofthe mainhall I’mdressed ina tight, black, offthe shoulder dress,myhairinloosewavesthatspilldownmyback.

Ilook different Sexy

MystomachcontractswithguiltasIlookawayfrommyimage.AsmuchasIhatebeinghereandlookinglikethis,Ihave to.IthinkofCarlandthefutureIenvisionforhim.

Ifeelmystomachconstrictwithadifferentsortofemotion I’mcurioustohearReggietalkabouthischildhood ButIalso wanttowatchhimfallpreytomyseduction.

IfeeltheweightofstaresthemomentIpushthroughthepeopleonthedancefloor Afteryearsofgoingundertheradar,it’s strangetobesexuallydesiredbymen.ButIdon’tfeelnearlyasuncomfortableasIthoughtIwould.

Ifeel…alive.

Forthepastsevenyears,Ihavespentmylifehiddeninplainsight.IhaveenjoyedtakingcareofCarl,butbeingarounda packofsweaty,wildpeoplemakesmerememberwhatmytwentiescouldhavebeenifIhadn’tbecomeamother. Itcouldhavebeenpure,unabashedjoy Iremindmyselfthathasn’tbeenmeforaverylongtime.

Inoticeatleasttwomenmakeabeelinetowardme,butIpushpastthetinycrowdandmakemywaytotheback,whereI canscourtheareareservedfortheNewYorkRangers.IttakesafewmomentstospotCoachErnestchuggingdownabeerat thebar.

“Hi,”IsayasIslideuptohim.

Heglancesatmeonce,thendoesadouble-take.“Woah,girl.Youcleanupnice.”

IforceasmileasIslipontotheseatnexttohis “Toughday,huh?”

“Tellmeaboutit,”Ernestsays,signalingthebartenderforanotherbottleofbeer.“Practicewasamess.Especiallywiththe stuntRegpulled”

Myearsperkupinstantly.“Whatdidhedo?”

“Whatdidn’the do?” Ernest drawls as he snags the new bottle fromthe bartender. “Everythingwas fine until he got a weirdtextaroundbreaktime Turnedhimintoamonster andthat’ssayingsomething,consideringhowheisonanormalday” Ineedtoknowmore.“Whodoyouthinkthetextwasfrom?”

Ernestshrugs Heseems tobephasingoutoftheconversation “Whocares?Maybeitwasn’tevenatext Reggiealways getssuperevilwhenwe’reinBoston.”

“Really?Why?”

“Couldn’ttellyou.ButfromwhatIknow,hegrewuphere.Thisplaceholdsalotofmemoriesforhim.”

Myeyeswiden Ihadn’tknownReggieisfromBoston Hisfoul moodattheairportisstartingtomakeawholelotmore sense.

“Where’shenow?”Iask

“Notseenhimsincepractice.He’sprobablyatthehotel.Hespendsmostofhistimeholedupthere.”

Iswallow KnowingthatIwon’thavetoseduceReggieattheclubtonightisarelief

Butatinypartofmefeelsalmostdisappointed.Ican’tjoininthecrowdofpeoplehavingfun,butdoingsomethingrisqué inaclubisahugepartofbeinginyourtwenties.AndI’dlookedforwardtoexploringthatparttonight,evenifitwastofool Reggie

“Youshouldgofindhimatthehotel,”Ernestdrawls.“Hemightwanttoseeyou.”

“Idoubtthat”

Ernestshrugsandcontinuessippingonhisbeer,losinginterestintheconversation.

Ipushthroughthecrowdagainandmakemywayoutsidethebar Thefreshair hitsmelikeasprayofwater,andIwalk overtothenextblockwherethehotelis.

TheonlyemotionIfeelrightnowisexcitement.

I’monlyafewstepsawayfromthehotelentrancewhenadark,hulkingfigurestalksoutofit Reggie.

It’stoodarktomakeouttheexpressiononhisface,butInoticethesettohisshouldersandthewayhestormsoutofthe place.

HelooksevenmorefuriousthanErnestdescribed.Iwatchhimmarchacrossthesidewalkandslipintothedriver’sseatof acar.Hepullsoutontothestreet.

IhavenoideawhatReggieisdoingthislateatnight.Maybehedecidedtogotoalesspopularbartocooloff.Orperhaps heisstilldealingwithwhatevermadehimsofuriousthisafternoon

WhatIdoknowisthatIhavefourdaystogetinformationoutofhim. Icannotwastetonight

Istepuptothesidewalkandflagdownapassingcab,justasReggie’scaristurnsacorner.Mynervousnessisback,and myheartisracing,butI’mcompletelycertainofwhatI’mabouttodo.

“Whereto,miss?”thecabdriverasks.

“Followthatcar.”

CHAPTER 8

REGGIE

Ishouldbemorefuriousandlessnumb

Butabigballofacceptancehascrushedallofmyrageintodust. Islipoutofthecarandwalktowardthebuildinginfrontofme ItlooksliketheexactreplicaoftheoneI’dhadto gointoafewyearsagoontheoppositeendoftown.

Allpoliceprecinctsarethesame.

WitheverystepItake,anew,horriblememoryflashesthroughmymind ThefirsttimeIwasdetainedatthestation.

Accompanyingmymothertotheprecinctwhileshesportedabustedlip ThesecondtimeIwasdetained.

BythetimeIstepintothedrearybuildinganduptothefrontdeskofficer,everysingleshredofacceptanceisgone,andthe fieryrageinthepitofmybellyisburningagain,sendingflickersofmoltenfurydowneveryveininmybody.

Ihatethis.MorethanIhaveeverhatedanythinginmyentiredamnedlife.

Twoofficersareatthefrontdesk ThemaneyesmytattoossuspiciouslyasIstepuptohim

“Heretoreportacrime?”heasks,soundinglikeheisalreadyconvincedIperpetratedone. It’sbettertofocusonthewoman “I’mhereforasuspectthatwasbookedearliertoday”

Shegivesmeawelcomingsmilebeforeturningbacktoher colleague.“I’vegotthis,Hammel.”Heletsoutasmall grunt butnodsandstompsaway

Sheturnsbacktome,her grinalittlewider.“Sorryabouthim.”Shelooksatmealmostapologetically.“Hecanbeabit unfriendly.Whoareyouherefor?”

“Grayson”MythroatfeelstightasIforceoutthename Hereyeswiden,filledwithsomethingbetweendisgustandfear.

“Grayson?”shecroaks

Inod.Mypulseisthrummingwildlyinmythroat.Soon,it’sgoingtobecomedifficulttospeak.

“Okay,”shesays,andIwatchasshestruggles andfails tokeeptheemotionsonherfaceincheck.Shestaresdownat thescreeninfrontofherandstartstodrumonthekeypad.

“Says here he was booked yesterday for being in possession of a deadly weapon,” she says. “Bail’s been set at forty grand”

Forafractionofasecond,Iconsiderwhatitwouldfeelliketolethimrotinherealittlelonger.Butthen,whenIclosemy eyestoproperlyrelishthemoment,theimagethatpopsupistheblue,white,andredshieldoftheNew YorkRangers What wouldhappentotheteamifthenewsgotout?

Andworsestill,whatwouldhappentomeifHarpergothermanicuredlittlefingersonit?

Iopenmyeyes.Ihavenootherchoice.

“Fine.HowdoIpay?”

She takes me throughthe steps rather quickly Ina few moments, I’mfortythousand dollars poorer and a milliontimes angrier.

“Youcanwaitoverthere”Sheissuddenlysternandcool,noddingtowardthewaitingarea,whereabunchofdrunkenand sleep-deprivedpeoplearesprawledoutonbenches.“I’llhavemycolleaguebringhimouttoyou.”

Iignoreher,decidingtowaitonthestreet.ThelastthingIwantis tositdownnexttoabunchofpettycriminals,oneof whommighthaveasmartphoneandaccesstotheinternet MaybeIwouldhaveconsidereditinthepast justasIwouldhave consideredlettinghimrotinjail butthestakesaretoohigh.

It’smyfuckinglastseason Afteradecadeofback-breakingtraining,Ineedtofindawaytokeepcomfortablefortherest ofmylife.Andhavingapictureofmeinapolicestationgoingviralwouldnothelpmyalreadysourreputation.

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