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Upside Down isaworkoffiction Names,characters,places,andincidentsaretheproductsoftheauthor’simaginationorareusedfictitiously Any resemblancetoactualevents,locales,orpersons,livingordead,isentirelycoincidental

Copyright©2024byDanielleSteel Allrightsreserved.

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Danielle Steel

Chapter 1

ThelineoflimousinessnakeddownthedrivewayoftheBeverlyHiltonhotelatasnail’spacetodropoffstarsandstarlets, producers,directors,ingénues,thefamousandtheinfamousandtheunknownsandwannabes,desperatetobeseenatone ofHollywood’smostglitteringannualevents,theGoldenGlobeAwards Thegreatlyrespectedawardwassecondonlytothe AcademyAwards.Atsixty-two,ArdithLaw,oneofHollywood’sbiggeststarsforthepastfortyyears,hadwonthreeGolden Globessofar.AndshehadtwooftheAcademy’scovetedOscarstohercreditaswell.Thiswasaneveningshenevermissed, asmuchtopayherrespectstoherfellowactorsastobeseenherself Itwasoneofthosethingsonehadtodo Itwasexpected, andyouhadtokeepyourfaceoutthereifyouwantedtocontinuetogetwork,andyourfacehadtolookdamngoodoryou’d betternotshowup!

Ardith was known for the variety and depth of the roles she accepted, and the quality of the movies she starred in Occasionally,shetookasmall,unusualpartifitintriguedher,whichhappenedfromtimetotime,butasarule,sheonlytook majorstarringroles.Shewasanextraordinaryactresswithahugetalentandawell-deservedreputation.Shewaspickyabout thepartsshetook Shewantedtobeinmovieswithdepthandmerit,whichweren’talwayseasytofindafteracertainage She looked exceptionally good at sixty-two, was still beautiful, and unlike nearly every actress in Hollywood, she had had no “work” done. She preferred to keep her ownnatural face and leftitto the makeup artists onsetto correctwhatever needed attention.Andshewasneverafraidtotakeanimportantpartifitagedherbeyondheractualyears.

Ardithwantedroleswithsubstancethatstretchedhertothelimitsofherabilities Sheturneddownmostoftheeasyparts Althoughforthepasttwoyears,therehadbeennooffers.Noonedaredtocastherinminorroles,andproducersknewthather agent, Joe Ricci, would turn them down before the offers even got to her. But once she turned sixty, there had been no appropriatepartsfor her Shereadscriptsconstantly,lookingfor therightroles,buthadn’tseenanyshewantedtoplay Her highstandardsandperfectionismonsethadwonherthereputationofbeingdifficultoradiva,whichwasn’tentirelytrue.She was anextremelydedicated actress and demanded a lot of herself and everyone she worked with. So now and then, when othersfellshort,fortyyearsofthebestpartsavailableandproducerswhowoulddoalmostanythingtokeepherhappyhadled torarebutmemorableoutburststhatsupportedthenotionthatshewasadiva.Shewasaboveallaconsummateprofessional, andastartoherverycore.Itwasn’taboutego,butmoreaboutwantingtobetheabsolutebestshecouldbeineveryrole,atall times.Shehatedworkingwithlazyactors,andshehatedstupidityandphonies.Shewastruetoherselfandherhighstandards ineveryway Shewasanhonestwoman,andagreatactressmorethanadiva,nomatterwhatpeoplesaidwhodidn’treally know her. Her career was vital to her sense ofwell-beingand purpose. She had missed workingfor the pasttwo years but preferred it to acceptingroles insecond-rate movies. She was waitingfor the right filmto come along, and she knew that eventuallyitwould Inthemeantime,shereadeverybookandscriptshecouldlayherhandson

Her personal life had always takena backseatto her career, and itstill did. She had one daughter fromaneight-year marriage thatbeganinher twenties.She hadbeenmarriedtoone ofHollywood’s biggestproducers,JohnWalker.Theyhad beenapowerfulpairandhadmadeseveralmoviestogether,whichhadbeenlegendaryboxofficesuccessesandenhancedboth

their careers. Ithad beena tumultuous butcreative match, whichalso produced their onlydaughter, Morgan, who was now thirty-eightyearsoldandaplasticsurgeoninNewYork.

MorganhadavoidedtheHollywoodsceneallherlife,andchosemedicineasanexciting,satisfyingalternative.Itsuited her She was a partner ina successful practice of plastic surgeons, withtwo senior partners who had worked together for years.Onewasclosetoretirement,theotherwasinfullswing,andMorganwastheonlywomantheyhadeverinvitedtojoin thepartnership.OneoftheseniorpartnersalsotaughtatColumbiamedicalschool.Theysetthebarhigh.

ArdithwishednowthatshehadspentmoretimewithMorganwhenshewasyounger,butherowncareerhadbeenwhitehot then, and she was too often away on location and away from Morgan, and didn’t deny it. Ardith had missed all the importantmomentsandlandmarksinMorgan’slife,theschoolplays,herfirstprom,herfirstheartbreak,manybirthdays,and there was no wayto catchup She feltguiltyaboutitnow butthere was no wayto make up for it, or relive the past Once Morganwasanadult,thetwowomenwereverydifferent.Morganrespectedhermother’scareerbuthadneverenjoyedit,and thedifferencesintheirpersonalitiesandrespectivecareerswerehardtobridgenow.Theyspokeoften,outofdutyandrespect, butagreedonverylittle.Morganhadfewmemoriesofherfather,whohaddiedwhenshewasseven.Therehadbeenscandal aroundherfather’sdeath,whichhadtroubledherforyears

JohnWalker had died ina tragic helicopter accident, whichwas evenmore traumatic for Ardithbecause he was killed withtheyoungwomanhewasrumoredtobehavinganaffairwithatthetime,abuddingactresswhowasappearinginoneof hismoviesandwhosecareerhewasshepherding Shewastwenty-two,andArdithwasthirty-onethen Thelettersshefound afterJohn’sdeathwithhisprotégéeconfirmedherfearsandsuspicionsabouttheirinvolvement.Ardithhadneverforgivenhim forit.Thepresshadturnedhisdeathintoaluridevent.Morganknewthestoryonceshewasolder,andhadharboredillusions abouthimanyway Hisfilmsremainedastributestohim,buthisreputationasawomanizerlastedafterhisdeath Ardithknew itwasn’thisfirstaffairbyanymeansandhadsaidasmuchtoMorgan.Hecouldneverresisttheactressesinhisfilms.Ardith had never married againand had no regrets thatshe hadn’t. Itwas anexperience she never wanted to repeat, as she had no desiretobemarriedtoanothercheaterandshedidn’twantmorechildren Morganwasenoughtodealwithonherown,and theirrelationship had never beeneasy, and less and less so whenMorgangrew up She’d beenrebellious inher teens, and angryabouttheparentsshedidn’thave.Ardithreadilyadmittedthatalthoughshelovedher daughter,motherhoodwasn’ther strongsuit.Morganagreed.Ardithhadn’tbeenpreparedforhow muchsheneededtogiveachild,especiallyafterherfather died Theyoccasionallyhadagoodtimetogether,buttheydidn’tseeeachotheroftenanymore Ardithhadthetimetogiveher now,butMorgandidn’thavetheinterestorthetime.ShewasbusywithhercareerasaphysicianinNewYork,andhermother wasproudofher,butArdithstillhadherownlifeasastarinL.A.Morganwassingleatthirty-eightandsaidshedidn’thave timeforahusbandandchildren,orevendating Herworkandherpatientswereherpriorities Insomewaysshewaslikeher mother hercareercamefirst.Andthetableshadturned.Ardithhadn’tmadeenoughtimeforherwhenshewasachild,and nowMorganmadenoeffortforher.Itwasacycletheycouldn’tseemtobreak,andArdithhadacceptedthefactthatitwastoo late andtheywouldnever be close Theyexistedonthe peripheryofeachother’s lives Andlivingonopposite coasts,they sawtoolittleofeachothertohealthedamageofthepast Theyhadtheoccasionalnicedinnertogether,andthenMorganflew backtoNewYork,andtheydidn’tseeeachotherformonths.

Forthepasttwelveyears,ArdithhadfoundcomfortablecompanionshipwithWilliamWest,whowasalmostasbigastar asshewas Hehadbeenareadilyidentifiableherooverafifty-yearcareer,evenlongerthanArdith’s Hehadneverwonan Oscar, and hadn’ttakenthe challengingroles she had, butaudiences loved him. He tookparts thatendeared himto his fans. Sincehewasn’tasdemandingaboutthepartsheplayed,heworkedmoreoftenthanArdith,andstilldidoneortwopicturesa year HewasleavingintwodaysforEnglandonlocation,playingaworthwhilerole,althoughhewasnolongertheromantic lead.Atseventy-eight,hewashealthyandenergeticandwantedtocontinueworking,eveninslightlylessimportantparts.He hadnodesiretoretire.

Ardithalwayssaidthatthesixteen-year agedifferencebetweenthemdidn’tbother her Whenthey’dgottentogether,she wasfiftyandhewassixty-six,stillahandsomeman,andastar.Theyhadtheircareersincommon,andhewaskind,attentive, and good company. He had slowed downa little inthe pastfew years, butother thanthe handful ofpills and vitamins she handedhimeverydaytokeephimhealthy,hewasinsurprisinglygoodconditionforhisage.Nooneknewwhatwouldcome later, but for now he was doing fine and still working He hadn’t been as wise with money as she was He had never commandedthesalariesshedidandwasgrateful tobelivinginherhomeinBel Airforthepasttenyears.Hecontributeda small amounttoexpenses,butArdithdidn’texpectanythingfromhim.Hehadbeenmarriedanddivorcedtwice,toactresses bothtimes, had onlystayed married briefly, and had no children, whichkeptthings simple He had always beenfriendlyto

Morgan,butshewasalreadydoingherresidencyatColumbiabythetimeheandArdithgottogether,soMorgan’srelationship withhimwascordial butsuperficial.Shehadnocomplaintsagainsthim,hewasfriendlyandpoliteandgoodtoher mother, andhehadappearedmuchtoolatetobeafatherfiguretoher.Shesaidshehadnoneedforone,andshefoundhimsomewhat narcissistic,likemostactors,moreconcernedwithhisownlooks,projects,andproblemsthananyoneelse’s Ardithwasused to itand didn’tmind, and theywere eachthe longestrelationship either ofthemhad ever had. After twelve years, theyhad becomealegendaryHollywoodcouple,andwerealwaysseentogether.Itwasn’tagreatloveaffairandneverhadbeen,butit wascompanionshipforbothofthem Theyhadeachotherandweren’taloneorlonely

Whenthe car finallystopped infront of the Hilton, Ardithstepped out of the car, ina longsleekblacksatingown, which moldedherimpeccablymaintainedfigure Shehadawhitefoxwraponhershoulders,waswearingadiamondnecklaceand earrings she had borrowed fromVanCleef&Arpels, and her blond hair was combed ina smooth, elegantbun. She looked dazzling,andthepresswentwildwhentheysawher,flashingherpicture,shoutinghername,wavingtocatchherattentionas BillWeststeppedoutbehindherinanimpeccabletuxedo Shesmiledandwavedlikeroyaltyatthemassofphotographersand thefanshoveringnearthemattheedgeofthecrowd,andsheandBillglidedsmoothlyinsidetomaketheirwaydownthered carpetbeforethedinnerandawardceremonybegan.OnceArdithandBillwereinaroomoracrowd,alleyeswereonthem. Mostpeopleassumedthattheyweremarriedbynow,buttheyweren’t,andshestillhadnodesiretobe Shesaidtherewasno reasonforit,althoughBillremindedherfromtimetotimethathewouldpreferit,buthewasofapreviousgeneration.Andshe always pointedoutthatatthis pointmarriage wouldn’tchange anything.Theyhadlivedtogether for tenoutoftwelve years, and there was no additional benefit to marriage, except emotional reassurance she didn’t need. Ardith was a strong, selfsufficientwomanandpreferredherlifethatway

Bill had beaten prostate cancer five years before, which had left him healthy and cancer-free but unable to perform sexually,whichsheaccepted.Shewasyoungtogiveupsex,butitwasasacrificeshemadeforhim.Therelationshiptheyhad suitedher,andhimaswell Shecouldn’timaginemeetingsomeoneelsenowandhavingtoadjusttoanewman Shehadhad enoughmeninherlifeandwassatisfiedtohaveBillWestbethelastone.TheywerebothHollywoodiconsandthoughttobe theperfectcouple.Insomeways,beingwithamanhisageagedher,andinothersitmadeherfeelyoung.Theyseemedright togetherineveryone’seyes,includingtheirown Hewastheperfectsupportingactortoher,thestar

Theyspenthalfanhourgoingdowntheredcarpet,thenmadetheirwaytotheirtable,wheretheywouldhavedinnerand watchtheawards.TheGoldenGlobeswereimportantandoftenpredictedhowtheOscarswouldgotwomonthslater.Ardith and Bill were seated at a table ofcomparable major stars, and the TVcameras sought themout constantly Theywould be underclosescrutinyallnight,andBillhadalreadytoldArdithhewantedtogohomerightaftertheawardsandskiptheafterparties.HestillhadalottodobeforeheleftforEnglandtwodayslater,andhedidn’twanttostayoutlate,althoughshewould haveenjoyedit.Shedidn’twanttogotothepartieswithouthim,sosheplannedtoleavewithhim.

Ardithand Bill bothaccuratelypredicted who would winthatnight, and approved ofthe foreignpress’s choices, and after makingtheirwaybackthroughthephotographers,theyescapedwithoutattendinganyofthepartiesandwerebackatArdith’s houseinBelAirbeforemidnight ArdithhadalreadypackedmostofwhatBillwouldneedinEngland,buthekeptaddingtoit, afraidshehadforgottensomething.Shewasgoingtopackhisvariousmedicationsinhisbriefcase,withnotesaboutwhatto takewhen.Hefellasleepwithhisarmaroundherthatnight,withOscar,Ardith’stinywhitetoypoodle,onthebednexttoher. Shetookhimeverywhere,whichBill hadobjectedtoatfirst,buthefinallygotusedtohim Ardithclaimedthedogwasher soulmate,andhisconstantpresencewasnonnegotiable. ArdithwasanearlyriserandwasalreadyatthebreakfasttablethenextdaywhenBillappearedinanavycashmeredressing gownwithnavysatinlapels. She looked up and smiled whenshe saw him. She read the Los Angeles Times, The New York Times, and The Wall Street Journal everyday.Shehadaninsatiablehungerforknowingabouttheworldaroundher,moreso thanBill,whoread Variety fornewsofthefilmindustry,whichwasallthatreallyinterestedhim HesaidthatheleftArdithin

chargeofworldnews,andwassureshe’dlethimknowifthestockmarketcrashedorawarbrokeout,andshepromisedshe would.

“Didyousleepwell?”sheaskedhim,asshedideverymorning,withatenderlook.

“Idid”Hesmiledather “Ihatetoleaveyoufortwomonths,”hesaidwistfully,asshepouredhimacupofcoffee Buthe hadnodesiretoretireeither.Heenjoyedhisworkandlovedgoingonlocation.Itmadehimfeelbusyandalive,andimportant. “Ihadanemailfromtheproducerthismorning.Yourassistantstartstomorrow,whenIleave.”Aspartofhiscontract,andto inducehimtogoonlocationfortwomonths,theproducerswouldprovideanassistanttohelpArdithwithallthesmalltasks Billdidforher.Heworriedaboutherbeingaloneforsolongwithnoonetohelpherandfeltmildlyguiltyleaving.Hewas stillabankablenameandtokeephimhappy,theproducersagreedtoprovideArdiththeassistant,shehadguessedprobablya youngactresstheyknewwellwhowasn’tcurrentlyworkingandneededthemoney Andshewasgratefulforwhateverhelpan assistantwouldgiveher.Shewasexpectingafemaleassistant.Shehadahousekeeperwhocamedailyduringtheweek,and leftdinner for themiftheyweren’tgoingout. Ardithoftendrove herselfaround town, butused drivers too. She drove Bill whenhehadappointments,orhetookanUber.Shethoughtanassistantmightbesuperfluous,butBillwantedhertoacceptit.It wasfreeandanadd-ontohiscontract,whichhisagenthadnegotiated Itwasaperkforhertoshare,sosheagreedsomewhat hesitantly. Since itwasn’tArdith’s contract, theydidn’toffer her the opportunityto interview whoever theyhired. She was mildlyworriedthatanunknownassistantmightbemoreofanannoyancethanahelp,butshecouldalwaysfireherifshedidn’t likeher,anditmadeBillfeelasthoughhehaddonesomethingspecialforher,soshehadn’targuedaboutit

“Didtheytellyouanythingabouther?”Ardithasked,asshepouredskimmilkintoabowlofcerealforhim.Shewatched hisdietmorecarefullythanhedid.Hewouldhavepreferredbaconandfriedeggs,whichshedidn’tallowhim.Therewasa responsibilitythatwentwithbeingwithamanhisage Shewasasmuchanurseasagirlfriend

“No,theydidn’t,”hesaidabouttheassistant.“I’msureshe’llbeverynice.YoucansendOscartothegroomerwithher,” hesaid,ataskwhichhepersonallydidn’tlike.OscarhadneverbeenoverlyfondofBill.Oscarknew whohisfriendswere. Billwasn’ta“dogperson”andOscarknewit

“Idon’tmindtakinghim,”Ardithsaidbreezily

“What are youhearingfromMorganthese days?” he asked her. He was impressed byMorgan’s medical career. Even thoughtheyweren’tclose,Ardithfrequentlyaskedherformedicaladvice,whichMorganwasloathtogiveher.Ardithchecked onallofBill’smedicationswithherdaughter,tobesurethereweren’tdangeroussideeffectsthedoctorshadn’tinformedhim of.

“Nothingmuch.AllMorgandoesiswork,”sheansweredhisquestion.

“No maninher life?” He was sorryshe hadn’tmetsomeone bynow, atthirty-eight He thoughtshe should make some effortinthatdirection,as shewasn’tgettinganyyounger ifshewantedahusbandandachild.Bill hadold-school views on everysubject,particularlywomenandrelationships.

“Shesaysshedoesn’thavetime,”Ardithsaid Shehadstoppedremindingherdaughterofitherself ItwasuptoMorgan ifshewantedmarriageandkids Itdidn’tlooklikeitsofar,andshelovedherwork Morganhadneverbeenveryinterestedin marriage.“She’sthinkingaboutgoingtoVietnamthisfall,toworkonaspecial project,probono,helpingkidswithburns.It soundsawful,butnoble.”

“She’sagoodgirl,”Billsaidadmiringly,andleftthetableashorttimelatertofinishpacking Ardithdrovehimallover towntodolast-minuteerrands,andtheywerebothexhaustedthatnightwhentheywenttobed.Hehadtoleavethehouseatsix A.M.,astheproducerswerehavinghimpickedupforanine A.M.flighttoLondon.HewasgettingVIPtreatmentalltheway,due tohisageandstatus

Thealarmwentoffatfive,andhewasreadytoleavewhenthecararrived.HelookedlovinglyatArdithastheystoodin thedoorway,sheinhernightgown,andBillelegantlydressedforthetrip.

Helookedeveryinchamoviestar,inadarkgraysuit,blueshirt,andnavytie,withawell-cutnavyovercoat,andahat thatmadehimlookverydashing.Hewasexcitedtobegoingtoworkonafilmfortwomonths,andtohaveagoodrole,buthe wassorrytoleaveher.Shehadpromisedtovisithiminthreeweeks,andshewaslookingforwardtosometimealonewhile hewasgone.ShewasplanningtospendanightinNew Yorkontheway,tovisitMorganifher daughter hadtime.Theplan wasn’tdefiniteyet Morgandidn’tmakeplansfarinadvanceandsaidshewasswampedatwork

“Trytobehavewhileyou’regone,”ArdithteasedBill.“Don’tfallinlovewiththestar.”

“Youtoo,” he said, and kissed her. He had more to worryaboutthanshe did, buttheywere faithful to eachother. She stoodwavingfromthedoorwayasthecarpulledaway,andsheenviedhimforaminute Shewouldhavelikedtobeleavingto

workonafilmonlocation,andhopedshewouldbeoneofthesedays,fortherightmovie ItmadeBillfeelusefulandengaged tobeworking.Hehadthreesuitcasesforhiselegantsuits,andafourthonejustforshoes.HehadfriendsinLondonheplanned to see when they had breaks, and he wouldn’t be on set every day. The role wasn’t too physically demanding, unlike the projectsArdithusuallysignedonfor,whichrequiredmonthsofpreparation Hiscareerhadneverbeenasdemandingashers Hewastheonlyactorshe’deverbeeninvolvedwithwhowasn’tjealousofheranddidn’tpunishherforhersuccess,which was one of the reasons their relationship worked so well. He had never been resentful of her fame. Bill was easygoing, comfortable with who he was, satisfied with the degree of success he’d achieved, and didn’t want more than that Unlike Ardith,whohadalwayspushedherselfhard,physicallyandmentally,withtherolesshetook,alwayswantingtoachievemore. ItwaswhyshehadwontwoOscarsandhehadn’t,andhedidn’tmindthateither.Atseventy-eight,hewasjusthappytostillbe inthegameandtohaveworkatall Hehadneverbeenasambitiousordrivenasshewas Theywereagoodfitthatway

Shewentbacktobed,thinkingabouthimafterheleft,happyforhimthathewouldbeworking.Itwasanimpressivecast, whichwouldbefun,andafamousdirectorwhomBillhadworkedwithbefore.

Shefellasleep,wokeuptwohourslater,showered,andputonagreenfacemaskshedidn’tlikeapplyingwhenBillwas athome Itmadeherlooklikethewitchin The Wizard of Oz Thenshesatdowntobreakfastwiththepapersshereadevery day.Shewashalfwaythroughthe Los Angeles Times whentherewasthesoundofanexplosionoutside,orsomekindofmajor disturbance. She looked up insurprise, peeked throughthe blinds ofthe kitchenwindow, and saw anenormous motorcycle head straightfor the house and spinaround witha sprayofgravel The biker ridingitlooked like DarthVader or a Hell’s Angel,inahelmetwithablackshieldthatconcealedhisface,ablackmotorcyclejacket,tornjeans,andbikerboots,andhesat staringatthe house for a minute, lookingas thoughhe was goingto kill someone ifhe gotinside. Benicia, the housekeeper, camerunninguptoArdith,lookingterrified

“HelookslikeaHell’sAngel,shouldIcall thepolice?”shewhispered,whileArdithtriedtoevaluatethesituationand justhowdangerousthebikerwas.Helookedlikearoughcustomer.Oscarwasbarkingfranticallyfromthenoisethebikerhad alreadymadewiththeHarley

“Where are the panic buttons?” Ardithasked, whisperingtoo He looked menacingas he slowlygot off the enormous motorcycle.Youheardaboutguyslikehim,whobrokeintohomesorheldpeopleatgunpointwhiletheyrobbedtheminbroad daylight.

BeniciatookapanicbuttonoutofadrawerandhandedittoArdith,asshecontinuedtowatchhim,wonderingifhewas armedorgoingtobreakawindowtoenterthehouse.Ithadneverhappenedbefore.Shedidn’tlikegunsanddidn’tkeeponein the house, althoughBill thoughtshe should, for aneventsuchas this. Burglars and criminals inthe Los Angeles area were knowntobeprettybold Ardithwasholdingthepanicbuttoninherhand,abouttopressit,whilewatchingwhatthefearsomelookingbikerwasgoingtodo.Hetookthehelmetoff,andshesawthathewasunshaven,withafacecoveredinbeardstubble, andhadlongishhairthatlookedasthoughithadn’tseenacombinmonths.Hehadapowerfulbuild,andshehadvisionsofhim tyingthemupwhileherobbedthehouse Hedidn’tlooklikeadrugaddict,morelikeathug Hewasingoodshape,withbroad shoulders Hewalkedawayfromthekitchenwindows,strodeupthefrontsteps,andrangthedoorbell,whichwasn’twhatshe expectedatall.Ormayberobberswerejustthatbrazennow,theyrangthefrontdoorbell,grabbedyou,andtiedyouup.Shehit thepanicbuttonassoonasherangthebell andtiptoedtothefrontdoor togetabetter lookathimthroughthepeephole.He wasjuststandingthere,andsheknewthepolicewouldarriveinlessthantenminutes ArdithtoldBeniciatostayinthekitchen shedidn’twantherhousekeepergettinghurt andstoodontheoppositesideofthefrontdoor,wonderingwhattodobefore thepolicearrived.Billhadbeengoneforexactlythreehoursandtheywereunderattack.Sherememberedthenthathehadtold Variety thathe was leavingtownfor two months onlocation, whichshe didn’tlike Notthathe would be anymatchfor the hoodlumontheirfrontsteps,whowasbuiltlikeabodybuilderandlookedaboutthirtyyearsold,ifthat,probablyyounger.

“Whoisit?”Ardithshoutedthroughthedoor,curiouswhathe’dsay,andtryingtosoundfierceherself.Herthroatwasdry, andshewasshaking,buttheadrenalinerushoffearmadeherbrave

“It’sJoshGray.Ms.Law’sassistant,”hesaid,soundingmuchmeekerthanArdithassheletoutagaspandfeltherknees goweak.

“You’re what?” She unlocked and pulled openthe door and stared athim, inher bathrobe and bare feet, withher hair piledontopofherhead,andherfacegreenwiththeforgottenfacemask Sheandthefierce-lookingallegedassistantstaredat eachotherindisbelief.

“I’mhernewassistant…yournewassistant,”hesaid,hesitantly,assumingshewasArdithLaw.“I’msupposedtostartthis morning Mr West’sproducersentme”

“Andyoucametoworklookinglike that?”shesaidwithblatantdisapproval “Ithoughtyouweregoingtobreakintothe houseandkillus.Andyou’resupposedtobeawoman.”

“Sorry,theysentme.Fortwomonths.”Oscarthetoypoodleranintothehallfromthekitchenandbarkedfranticallyatthe man Ardithcouldhear sirensinthedistance,andinlessthanaminute,twosquadcarsarrivedandfour officersrantoward themwithgunsdrawn,asJoshGraylookedpanicked.

“Handsintheair,”thepoliceshoutedathim,asoneofthempushedhimtothegroundandhelayfacedownonthelawn. Ardithlookedembarrassed

“I’msorry,”shesaidtotheofficers,astwoofthemstaredather.“Itwasamisunderstanding.Ithoughtitwasabreak-in, butitwasjustmyassistantcomingtowork.”Shetriedtolookstarlikeandsoundcharmingandcasual,asJoshlookedupat themfromthe ground inshock, and she caughta glimpse ofherselfinthe hall mirror and saw the greenface maskshe had forgotten. “OhmyGod. I’mreallysorry.” The police withdrew quickly, and Joshgotto his feetand stared ather. She was unrecognizablewiththegreengooonherface,butshewasobviouslyArdithLaw.Itwasahellofanintroductiontohisnew boss,andhe hadn’twantedthe jobanyway.Joshwas anactor,outofwork,his nextmovie hadjustbeencanceledsoBill’s produceronthefilmassignedhimtoArdithasanassistantfortwomonths,whichJoshhadbeendreading

Hehadreadaboutherreputationasadivaandhadnodesiretobehercabanaboyfortwomonths,buthewasbeingpaid todoitandheneededthemoney,sincethesci-fimoviehe’dbeenhiredtodohadn’thappened.Butthiswasalotworsethana badmovie Hewasforty-oneyearsoldandhadbeenactinginsecond-ratemoviesforthelasttenyears,andwaitingontables Hewasstillhopingforhisbigbreak,andithadn’thappenedyet.ArdithLawwasclearlynotit.

“Comein,”shesaidtohimsternly,“beforethewholeneighborhoodseesus.”ShepickedupOscar,Joshwalkedintothe fronthall,andsheshutthedoorhardbehindhim “Whatareyoudoingcomingtoworkonthat thing?You’llterrifythewhole neighborhood.IthoughtyouwereaHell’sAngel.”

“Soyoucalledthepolice?”Hewasstillstunnedatwhathadhappened.

“Youlookdangerous Andwhydidn’ttheysendawoman?”

“Ithinktheyweregoingto,butshegotapartonsometeenvampiremovie,soyougotmeinstead Thesci-fimovieIwas supposedtodogotcanceledsoIwasfree.Ihaveafriendintheproducer’soffice.Hesetmeupforthejob.”

“Great.YoulooklikeDarthVader.Youcan’tcometoworkonthatthing,”shetoldhimashefollowedherintothekitchen, andBeniciastaredatthemboth,unabletounderstandwhyArdithhadinvitedtheirattackerintothehouse

“Idon’thaveacar,”hesaidpolitely,wonderingifshewascrazy,orjustweirdwiththegreenface.

“TakeanUber.Myneighborswillkillmeforthatracket.Icangiveyouacartodrivewhileyou’reatwork.”

“WhatexactlyamIgoingtobedoing?”heasked,lookingworried “TheysaidyouneededanassistantwhileMr Westis away.”

“Exactly.Youcantakethedogtothegroomer,pickuppackages,doerrandsforme.WhateverIneed,”buthavingamale assistantwasgoingtobeaproblem Hecouldn’tcomeintotheroomwhenshewasundressedortakeorderswhileshewasin thebathtub Hewasn’twhatshewantedatall,andtheyhadnevertoldBill theymightsendaman Hewasalmostuselessto her.

“I’mnotatrainedbodyguard,”hewarnedher.

“Idon’tneedone OrIdidn’tuntilyoushowedup YouscaredpoorBeniciatodeath,”shescoldedhim “Andyouhaveto cometoworkdecentlydressed,youcan’trunaroundtownlookinglikeaHell’sAngel.Doyouhaveajacket,likeablazeror something?”

Henodded “Doyouwantmetowearasuitandtie?”heaskeddismally “No,apropershirt,cleanuntornjeans,andajacketwillbefine,andrealshoesorrunningshoes,noaxemurdererboots.” Shelookedathimwithdisapproval.“Doyoulikedogs?”

“I’veneverhadone”Oscarwasstillbarking,andJoshdidn’tlookenthusedattheprospect “Doeshebite?”

“Onlypeoplehedoesn’tlike,”Ardithsaidcurtly.“Heweighsthreepounds.Youdon’tneedtoworryabouthim.”Asshe saidit,Oscarbaredhisfangsandlookedmorelikearabidguineapigthanadog.Joshlookedmiserable.

“Doyouwantmetogohomeandchange?”Sheconsideredit,stillinhergreenface,whichshehadforgottenagainwhile beratinghim Hehadupsetthemall,eventhedog

“You’re fine for today. Trynot to scare us to deathtomorrow.” He nodded, still rememberingwhenhe had beenlying facedownonthelawnminutesbefore,withtwoarmedLAPDofficerspointingtheirgunsathim.“I’llgetdressed.Youcanrun meintoBeverlyHillstodosomeerrands,thatwayIwon’thavetopark”

“Fine”Henodded,stillstunnedbythefirstmomentsofhisnewjob Thenexteightweeksseemedfrightening,givenwhat he’dseensofar.Acrazedmouseofadog,abosswithagreenface,armedpoliceforcinghimdownonherfrontlawn.Ifhe could have hithis ownpanic button, he would have. This was a lotworse thanhe had feared. She wasn’ta diva, she was insane,andhe was stuckwithher for the nexteightweeks Adrinktocalmhis nerves wouldhave beenappealing,andthen maybeshe’dfirehimandhewouldn’thavetodealwithherforthenexttwomonths.Butfornow,hewasonthehook,because hisdamnmoviehadbeencanceledandhehadtobeanerrandboytoalunatic.Hewantedtorunscreamingoutthedoor,buthe knewhecouldn’t Heneededthemoneytopayhisrent Benicialookedathimsuspiciouslyashesatdownatthekitchentable andwaitedforArdithtoreappearsohecoulddrivehersomewhere.AsfarasJoshwasconcerned,sheneededanexorcist,not anassistant,andashewaited,hereacheddowntopetthefrenziedtoypoodle,whobaredhisfangsathimagain,aspiringtobe Cujo

“Benice,”Joshwhisperedtohim.“I’mnotlikingthisanymorethanyouare.Ipromisenottobotheryouifyoudon’tbite me.Deal?”Oscarhesitatedforaminute,staredJoshintheeye,uncurledhislips,andmarchedofftofindhismistress,while Joshwonderedwhattheproductioncompanywoulddotohimifhequitonthefirstday.Itwasverytempting,andhewondered ifhe’dneedatetanusshotifOscarbithim Thiswasdefinitelyahighstressjob,andnotatallwhathe’dexpected Buthow muchworsecoulditget?Atleastthecopsdidn’tshoothim,buthecouldn’tbringhisHarleytowork,andhehadtodressto catertoher.Itwaspossiblytheworstjobhe’deverhad,anddivadidn’tbegintodescribeit.Adivawithagreenfaceanda savagetoypoodle Hecouldn’twaittogethome,smokeajoint,andhaveamartini Itwasgoingtobeavery,verylongeight weeksworkingforMs.ArdithLaw!

Chapter 2

WhenArdithcamebacktothekitchenhalfanhourlater,shewaswearingslacks,asweater,andablackcashmerecoat, and looked casual and chic, with her hair pulled back in a sleek ponytail, and just a hint of makeup She looked surprisinglynormalandyoung,andtherewasnohintofthegreenWizard of Oz face ShewascarryingOscarinablackBirkin bag. Since Josh hadn’t gone home to change, he was still wearing the same Metallica T-shirt, his battered leather biker’s jacket,andtornjeans.He couldsee now whyhis outfitwas inappropriate comparedtohow she looked.He was startledby howbeautifulshewaswithoutthegreenface,andshelookedsurprisinglyyoung

“I’msorry,”hesaidsoftly,“I’llweardecentclothestomorrow.Theydidn’ttellmewhatyou’dwantmetodo.”

“It’sall right,”shesaidmorecalmly.“Youcanstayinthecar.IhavetopickupsomethingIorderedatHermès,lookat somethingatChanel,andgetsomethingstosendtoMr WestinEnglandthatheforgottobuybeforeheleft,somespecialskin creamsandshampoo.AndIwanttogetabooktosendtomydaughter,”sheexplained,assheledhimtothegarage,wherehe saw anelegantblackRolls,ablackRangeRover,andanavyblueBentleysportscar.SheheadedtotheBentleyandhanded himthekeys “Iassumeyoucandriveacartoo”

Joshbrokeintoabroadsmile “Iseeyourpoint I’dlooklikeIstoleitifyouweren’tinthecarwithme”Shelaughed, andlookedevenprettier,muchtohissurprise.

“You’reluckythepolicedidn’tshootyou.”Shegotintothepassengerseat,andheslidbehindthewheelandturnedthecar on,asthegaragedooropenedandtheyheadedout ShetoldhimtogotoRodeoDrivefirst Thesewerethekindoferrandshe expectedhertodo.Shewasastar.Andshelookedveryattractivedressedtogoout.

“Isyourdaughterincollege?”heaskedher,andshesmiledagain.

“No,she’saplasticsurgeoninNewYork”Hewasstartled Shedidn’tlookoldenoughtohaveadaughterthatage “That’simpressive.”Hewonderedifshehadworkedonhermother’sface.Ardithlookedconsiderablyyoungerthanshe was.

“Whatkindofactorareyou?”sheaskedhim,astheydrovetoBeverlyHillsfromBelAir

“Anout-of-workactor,”hesaidruefully.“I’vedonealotofsci-fiandhorrormoviesthatyou’llneversee.”

“IdidahorrormovieoncewhenIwastwenty-two,”Ardithsaidwithagrin.“Iwashoarseforweeksafterward,Ihadto screamso much. Then my husband discovered me and turned things around. He got me a decent agent, which made a big difference Doyouhaveanagent?”

“Yes.Hedoesn’tknowmyname,”Joshsaid.

“Haveyoustudied?”

“Yes I’ve changed directions a few times Istudied voice and piano atJuilliard Mymother was a piano teacher My father wantedmetostudyphysicsandchemistry,whichIhated.Hewasaprofessor atMIT.After Juilliard,Istudiedfilmat USC,andwantedtobeadirector,andeventually,whenIwasaboutthirty,Ifellinlovewithacting,andI’vebeenwaitingon

tables ever since. I keep hopingmyship will come in. It hasn’t so far, but I’mnot readyto give up yet,” he said, and she nodded.

“That’swhatittakes.Youjusthavetokeepatituntilyoubreakdownthedoor.”Shefrownedthenasshelookedathim. “Howoldareyou?”Sheguessedhimtobeinhislatetwentiesorearlythirtiesatmost

“Forty-one.IfigureI’mdueforahugehitwhenI’mninety.Icandomaturepartsthen,”hesaidwithalopsidedgrin.

“Youlookabouttwelve,”shesaid,smilingtoo.“Ormaybethirty.Youdon’tlookforty-one.”

“Theyhavemeplayingallthewaydowntoearlytwenties I’llplayanything,vampires,aliens,serialkillers”

“Maybe youneed to be more selective,” she said seriously. “Don’t be so obliging. If you’re Juilliard-trained and did graduateworkatUSC,youhavethecredentials.Youdon’thavetotakeallthecraptheythrowatyou.Tellyouragentyoudon’t wantthosepartsanymore”

“ThenI’llgetnoworkatall.Ican’taffordtobedifficult,”hesaid.

“Yes,youcan,ifyou’reanygood.Areyouadecentactor?”sheaskedhimsincerely,lookinghimover.

“Iliketothinkso,ifIgotadecentpart.”

“Why didn’t you pursue singing, if you’re Juilliard-trained?” She was curious about him now He had an interesting backgroundandseemedintelligent.

“Inever loved it. Itwas mymother’s dreamfor me. Actingis mypassion. I’mwillingto waitfor the rightpart.” She nodded,thinkingaboutit,astheyreachedRodeoDriveandheparkedacrossthestreetfromHermèsandChanel

“Iwon’tbelong,”shesaideasily,andtookOscaroutofherbaganddumpedhiminJosh’slap.“I’llleavehimwithyou. Hegetsboredinstores.”

“SodoI,”Joshsaid,lookingsuspiciousofthedog

“He’llbefine,”shesaid,andhoppedoutofthecar.ShewashalfwayacrossthestreetwhenOscarbaredhisfangsatJosh again.

“Don’tstart,orI’llleaveyouatthegroomerforaweektillyoubehave We’restuckwitheachother,sodon’tgivemeany shit,”hesaidfirmly Oscarjumpedintothepassengerseat,ignoredJosh,andwatchedoutthewindowforArdithtoreturn,but atleasthehadstoppedsnarlingandshowinghisteeth.HeandJoshpolitelypaidnoattentiontoeachother,andJoshadmired thebeautifulcarhewasdriving.HethoughtaboutthethingsArdithhadsaidtohimaboutacting.Hesawawholeothersideof her whenshe did She had seemed crazyto himthat morning, and now she seemed like a decent humanbeingand he had enjoyedtalkingtoher.Shewasanoddcontradictionofelements.Heknewshewasastar,butshedidn’tactlikeone.Sheacted more like a normal woman, doingerrands,and notlike the legendshe was. She didn’tappear to be impressed withherself, whichsurprisedhim,givenwhoshewas

ShecamebacknearlyanhourlaterwithtwoenormousshoppingbagsfromHermèsandChanel.Fromthere,theywentto thebookstoreforherdaughter,andthepharmacyforBill.ShewasingoodspiritsbytheendofthedayandletJoshleaveat four-thirty

“I’msorryaboutmyarrivalthismorning Thanksfornothavingmeputinjail”Hegrinned “I’llcomedressedforwork tomorrow,andI’llleavemyHarleyathome.”

“Thatwouldbenice,”shesaidwithasmile,“andIwon’thitthepanicbutton.Sorryaboutthat.Wegotofftoabadstart.” “AndI’msorrytheydidn’tsendyouawoman”

“That’sokay,”shesaideasily,asshegaveOscarhisdinnerbeforeJoshleft.

“Solong,Oscar,seeyoutomorrow,”Joshsaideasily,andOscarturnedtogrowlathimbeforeheleft,thenwentbackto hisdinner

Afewminuteslater,sheheardJoshroarawayontheHarleyandwonderedwhathislifewaslikeasastarvingactor.He wastenaciousifhewasstilltryingtomakeitaftertenyearsofsci-fiandhorrormovies.Thatcouldn’tbealotoffun,andnow hewasstuckbeinganerrandboyfor her for twomonths Hedidn’tseemtohaveawifeandkidsatforty-one,or atleasthe hadn’tmentionedthemifhe did.She gotthe feelingthathe was one ofthose dedicatedactors whojustwouldn’tletgo.She wonderedifhehadtalentandwasanygood.HemusthavehadmusicaltalentatleasttohavegraduatedfromJuilliard.Hewas aninterestingguy,evenifshehadmistakenhimforanaxemurdererthatmorning.Buthehadlookedlikeonetoher.

JoshwasthinkingaboutArdithwhenhegothome,andtheadviceshehadgivenhimaboutnotgivingup Hewonderedif shewasright.How manymoresci-fi moviescouldhedo,orbadhorrormovies?Hewantedadecentpartsohecouldshow thathecouldact,buthadnevergottenone.Hewaswaitingforhisbigbreak,andnowhewasanerrandboy.Hewonderedif hisfatherhadbeenright,andactingwasawasteoftime Bothhisparentsweregonenow Theyhadhadhimlateinlife,andat

leasttheyhadn’thadtoseehimstarvingandlivinghand-to-mouth,neverinadecentmovie Ifhehadto,hecouldhavebeena pianoteacher,orplayedinsomehotelbar,butthethoughtofitdepressedhim.Hewantedtobeanactor,notapianoteacher like his mother. He had grownup as anonlychild inBoston, had gone to New Yorkto attend Juilliard, and had never gone backtoBoston BothhisparentshaddiedwhenhewasatUSCingraduateschool,sohehadstayedinLA andnevermoved backeastagain.Butsofar,hisperseverancehadn’tpaidoff,andhewonderedifiteverwould.Hehadalmostgottenmarrieda coupleoftimes,buthisactingcareermeantmoretohim,andhewasn’twillingtotakesomeboringordinaryjobsohecould supportawifeandkids Atforty-one,hedoubtedthathe’dever marrynow Marriagewasn’thighonhis list,andhis career wasstillmoreimportanttohim.Hehadn’thadagirlfriendinayear.

He wentto the gymafter workand had a good workout, and whenhe gothome, he satdowninhis sparselydecorated apartmentwithfurniture fromGoodwill and lita joint He thoughtabouthow well ArdithLaw lived, and how beautiful her homewas,andwonderedifthatwouldeverhappentohim.Itdidn’tseemlikeit,buthedidn’tcareifhelivedinatentonthe streetorinacave,aslongashegotagoodpartinadecentmovie.Hecouldtasteit,hewanteditsobadly,andhestillwanted toprovehisparentswrongthathewaswastinghistime,eventhoughthey’dneverseeitifhemadeitoneday.Withoutrealizing it,Ardithhadrekindledhis dreams thatafternoonandgivenhimhope again,andhe was grateful toher Eventhoughthe job wasmenial,hewasexcitedaboutgoingtoworkthenextday,althoughhecouldn’tridehisHarleyandhadtodresslikeanerd forher.Maybeheradvicewasworthmakingthesacrifice.Maybejustbeingaroundherwouldbringhimluck.

ArdithcalledMorganthatnight,after JoshleftonhisHarley.Shehadtocall early,becauseMorganwenttobedbyeightor nineo’clock,andgotupatfive A.M.,soshecoulddohersurgeriesearly.Onthedaysshewasn’toperating,shewenttothegym atfive,beforetheoffice Likehermother,shewasanextremelydisciplinedperson,andwithNewYorkbeingthreehourslater, Ardithalways had to remind herselfto call MorganearlyonCalifornia time, before she wentto bed. No matter whathour Ardithcalled,Morganalwayssoundedharassedandlessthanthrilledtohearfromhermother.Theybothhadtostruggletofind safesubjects,sotheywouldn’tirritateeachother

“Didtheassistanttheypromisedyoushowup?”Morganaskedher.

“Yes,”Ardithsaidnoncommittally.

“Howwasshe?”

“Shewasaman.Helookedlikeaserialkillerorabiker,Ihitmypanicbutton,andthepoliceshowedup,”Ardithsaid, andMorganlaughed.

“Thatmusthavebeenfun Didyouhavehimarrestedorjustkilled?”

“Iexplainedthatitwasamisunderstanding,buttheyhadhimfacedownonthegroundbeforethat,withtheirgunsdrawn” “Now that’s what I call a warmwelcome,” Morgan said, still laughing at her. “Did he quit?” Sometimes her mother amusedher,andtheybothenjoyedagoodchuckle.Itwassomethingatleast.

“Notyet,butmaybehewill He’s anout-of-workactor,desperatefor work Ifeel kindofguiltyusinghimas anerrand boy. He’s a bright guy. He graduated fromJuilliard, has a master’s in filmfromUSC. I don’t know if he can act, but his credentialsareimpressive.”

“Hashebeeninanydecentmovies?”

“Apparentlynot,”Ardithsaid.

“Ishecute?”Morganasked,amused.

“Idon’tknow Isupposehe’sdecent-lookingwhenhecleansupandisn’twearinghisbiker/serialkillerlook Beniciaand Ithoughthewasgoingtobreakintothehouse,whichiswhyIhitthepanicbutton Hemostlyjustseemslikeaniceguywhen youtalktohim.Hedrovemearoundtodomyerrandstoday.He’sterrifiedofOscar,whichisalittleweird.”Ardithgrinned.

“Well,atleasthecanhelpyouwhileBillisgone.Maybeit’snotsobadthathe’saguy.”

“I guess so, althoughI don’t reallyneed muchhelp Benicia and I manage just fine, unless he wants to do heavystuff aroundthehouse,buthe’snothereforthat.TheyonlygavemesomeonetohumorBill.”

“Well,it’sstillnotabadidea,ifhe’sadecentperson.”

“Whataboutyou?Whatareyouuptorightnow?”hermotheraskedher,andMorgansighed

“Workingdouble time this week, while one ofthe senior partners is awayata conventioninKorea. I’mseeingall his patients,andmyown.Itwasalongdaytodayandwillbeallweek.Buthehassomeinterestingpatients,soIdon’tmind,”she

said, butArdithcould hear thatshe was tired Morganworked too hard, butshe enjoyed it There was never a doubtinher mindthatmedicalschoolhadbeentherightchoiceforher.

Ardithwenttobedthatnightthinkingaboutherdaughterandhowdifferenttheirinterestswere,althoughtheirworkethic wassimilar AndArdithwasmissingBill,butitwasthewrongtimetocallhiminEngland Withaneight-hourtimedifference, hewouldbeasleep.Sherealizedwhenhewasawaythateventhoughsheenjoyedhavingtimetoherself,afterlivingwithhim fortenyearshewasafixtureinherlife,andherdaysseemedemptywhenhewasn’taround.

Intheend,shewaiteduntillater,soshecouldreachhimbeforehisearlymorningstudiocallforhairandmakeup Hewas happytohearfromher.Hesoundedgreat,lovedthecast,andwasenjoyingmakingthemovie.Shehadreadthescriptandhe hadagoodpart.HetoldArdithallaboutit,andshewishedshewasworkingtoo.Shewasn’tjealousofhim.Shewashappy forhim,butshewasreadytogobacktowork Shejusthadtofindtherightproperty,witharoleforherthatwouldbeaperfect fit.Sheneversettledforless.

Shesmiledbeforeshefellasleep,thinkingofhowstrongandyoungBillsoundedwhenhewasworking.Itwasjustwhat he needed instead of following her around between films, but that was what he did when he wasn’t working on a movie. Sometimes she feltguilty, buthis constantclose attentionmade her feel claustrophobic attimes Itwas oppressive, and she likedhavingtime toherself,tothink,toread,todigestwhatshe’dread,sometimes togobackandreadthe bookagain.She neededspace,whichhedidn’talwaysgiveher,butinexchange,shehadcompanionship,whichshehadmissedwhenshewas alone Whattheyhadwasmoremarriedthanhermarriagehadbeen Shewasanindependentwomanwhodidn’tneedconstant companionship,whichwassomethingBillneverunderstood,andhisfeelingswerehurtifshedidn’twanttobewithhimand neededtimealone,nomatterhowoftensheexplainedittohim.Aneedforsolitudeandintrospectionjustwasn’tinhisDNA. Billwasn’tadeepthinker,buthewasagoodperson,andshewashappyforhimwhensheheardhimsoundingsopleasedwith the movie. She was going to visit himinEngland in a few weeks. There were friends she wanted to see there too, and a directorortwoshewantedtomeetwithtodiscussfutureprojects,andwhatevertheywereworkingonatthemoment. WhenJoshshowedupforworkthenextday,hewasproperlydressedandlookedlikeagrown-up.Thistimeshesmiledwhen herangthedoorbell.Helookedhandsomeandyoung,butnotlikeajuveniledelinquentashehadthedaybefore.Hehadeven trimmed his hair himselfand shaved before he came to work He was wearingclean, pressed jeans, a white shirt, a tweed jackethesaidhehadgottenatavintagestore,andrunningshoes.Helookedlikeareal assistantasshehandedhimacupof coffeefromtheespressomachine,andhethankedher.Hestilldidn’tlookhisage,buthenolongerlookedtwenty-fiveeither.

“Thankyou,youlooklovely,”shecomplimentedhim Hewashandsome,andthetimehespentatthegymhadgivenhim broad shoulders and a powerful build He had a perfect body, and onlooks alone, she thought he should have beengetting better parts, if he was evena halfwaydecent actor. She suspected that his lackof workwas due to a lazyagent, and was thinkingofsendinghimtoherown,ifheprovedworthyafterheworkedforherforawhile.Therewasnorush shehadtwo monthstogettoknowhimandtogetasenseofwhetherhewasasseriousashesaidabouthisactingcareer Shesuspectedthat hewas,andshelikedhelpingyoungunknownactorsgetaheadiftheyhadtalentanddrive.Shehadafeelingthathehadboth.

Inthemeantime,shehadhimhelpheruncrateapaintingshehadboughtatauctioninNewYork.ItwasabeautifulFrench paintingofamotherandchildbyalittle-knownImpressionistartist ItremindedherofMorganwhenshewasalittlegirl,and Joshwasmovedwhenhesawit.HehelpedArdithpicktherightplacetohangit,putitonthewallforher,andthenhelpedher lightit.Hewasflatteredwhensheaskedhisadvice.Theymovedafewotherpaintingsaroundtomakeroomforitandfound therightplacesforthemtoo

HetooksomepackagestoFedExforher,broughtbackalistofthingssheneededfromthehardwarestore,andhelpedher putanadditionalrackinBill’scloset,whichshehadwantedtodoforagesandhewouldn’tlether.Thedayendedinignominy whenshehadJoshtakeOscar tothegroomer andpickhimup,butfor oncethedogdidn’tsnarl athim.Hesatquietlyinhis specialcarseatandlookedoutthewindow LookingathimmadeJoshsmile,andthenlaughoutloud Twodaysbeforehehad lookedlikeabiker,couldgotothegymwhenhewanted,andwasridinghisHarley.NowhewasalternatelydrivingaBentley andaRangeRover,andchauffeuringatoypoodlearound.Thedogwasnotpartofthemachoimagehehadofhimself,buthe waspartofthejob,alongwithhangingexpensivepaintingsandridingaroundwiththemostfamousmoviestarintheworld It wasalottoabsorbinashorttime.Helikedthewaypeopletalkedtohimwhenhewasproperlydressed,assherequired.He

realizedthatshe hada point People didn’tlookathimthe same wayina Metallica T-shirtandtornbiker jeans as theydid whenhewaswearingasportsjacketandacleancollaredshirt.

HewasintriguedbythewayshetalkedaboutBilloccasionally,withtendernessandrespect.Hehadasuspicionthatthe relationshipwasn’tpassionate,butsheobviouslycaredabouthimagreatdeal,andwasgenuinelyhappythathewasenjoying workonthe movie inEngland. She wanted the best for Bill, and she obviouslyloved him, eventhoughhe was almost old enoughtobeherfather.

ShehadmentionedtoJoshononeoftheirerrandsthatbothofherparentsweredead,whenhesaidthathiswere Shesaid thathershadnever approvedofher actingcareer either.Ithadbeenher lifelongdream,andshehadcometoL.A.rightafter highschoolfromasmallfarmingcommunityinnorthernCalifornia.Shehadgrownuponafarm,andshesaidherparentswere devastatedwhenshelefttopursueheractingcareerandwerevehementlyopposedtoit Joshwasstunned Shedidn’tlooklike anyfarmgirl heknew.ShesaidthatJohnWalker haddiscoveredher atanauditionandeventuallymade her a star.Andlike Josh,shehadworkedasawaitressbeforethat,topayherrent.Herparentswereevenmoreopposedwhenshetoldthemthat sheandJohnweregettingmarried.Shesaidherfamilythoughthewasexploitingher,whichsherealizedlaterwasprobably true Butintheend,itbenefitedthembothwhenshebecameastar

Shedidn’ttellJoshthatshediscoveredlaterthatJohnhadcheatedonherconstantly,alwayslookingforayounger,newer star,likethegirlhehaddiedwithinthehelicoptercrash.Heonlygotcaughtthattimebecausetheywerekilledtogether,and shefoundtheirlettersinhisdeskdrawer Shealsofoundoutovertimethattherehadbeenmanyotherslikeher ButArdithwas byfarthebiggeststarhehadevermade.Andevenifhehadexploitedher,ithadbeenafairexchange.Shehadhadaforty-year career as a Hollywood legend thanks to him. She thought it was worthit now, evenifhe had brokenher heart thirtyyears before

IthadbeenhardgivingMorgana fair image ofher father,because Ardithhadbeenangryathimfor solongandhadn’t forgivenhim.ButMorganhadcreatedherownversionthatsuitedherneedsforafantasyfatherwhileshegrewup.Sheknew therumorsandstoriesofhisindiscretions Theywerepublicknowledgeafterhedied Hehadbeenalegendaryladies’man Butsomehowinspiteofthatshehadinventedafatherwhomatcheduptoherdreams,whichpassedformemoriesnow Itwas asubjectsheandArdithneverdiscussedbecausetheirviewsaboutJohnWalkerweresodivergentanddiametricallyopposed. ThetruthaboutherfatherwasstilltoohardforMorgantoaccept,evennow.Morganhadcreatedtheimaginaryfatherwhomet herneedsgrowingup,andshestillclungtoit Itwaseasiertoblamehermothernowforwhatshehadlacked,ratherthanthe manwhowasnolongerthere.

JoshwasintriguedbywhatArdithsaidaboutherfamilyandherdaughter,aboutBill,aboutacting,aboutlife.Shedidn’t sharewithhimher historywithher latehusband Shedidn’tknow himwell enough Shewas adeep,sensitivewoman,with profoundideas,whichherealizednow waswhyshewasagreatactress,becauseofwhatshebroughtofherselftotheroles, not what theygave her. It was a lessonto himthat he knew he would remember longafter the two months he spent inher employ Herealizednowthatbeinghiredashererrandboy,asacourtesytoBillWest,hadbeenaserendipitousgiftinhislife Joshhardlyknew Ardith, buthe alreadyrealized whata remarkable personshe was She wasn’talways easy, butshe was unusualanddeep,andagoodperson.Hewonderedifherdaughterunderstoodthat,orifBillWestappreciatedit.Itintrigued Joshtoothatshehadnevergonetocollege,butwasveryknowledgeableonmanysubjects,intelligentandextremelywellread.

Afteronlyafewdaysridingaroundinacarwithher,performingmenialtaskstogether,hehadagrowingrespectforher Itwaslikeaplantbeingwatered,anditgreweachday.Hefeltlikemoreofagrown-upwithherthanheeverhadbefore.She expecteditofhim,justassheexpectedhimtodressproperlywhenhewentoutwithher,andhefeltbetterforit.Shemadehim risetotheoccasionanddidn’tcuthimapassbecauseitwaseasier Shetriedtoexplaintohimthatactingwaslikethat You couldnevergiveyourselfapasstotakeashortcut.Thelongwayaroundwasalwaysricherandbroughtwithitmorerewards. Itwassomethinghehadneverthoughtofbefore.

Alongwiththerespecthefeltashegottoknowhercameanurgetoshieldherandprotectherfromthepeoplewhowould takeadvantageofher,orcriticizeandexploither,andherealizednowthatthereweremany.Itwentwiththeterritoryofwho shewas.Withfame,shehadbecomeaneasytargetforthegreedy,theunkind,thejealous,andtheunfair.Andherealizedthat hewasguiltyofithimself,withalltheunpleasantthingshehadassumedaboutherbeforetheymet,noneofwhichhadproven tobetruesofar Hecouldseeatendencytobeadivafromtimetotime,ifsomeoneseriouslyirritatedher,buthefoundthathe couldteaseheroutofitandmakeherlaugh.Shehadagoodsenseofhumorandwaswillingtolaughatherself.

“SometimesIactlikeaspoiledbrat,”sheconfessedsheepishly.

“Youaren’t,though,”Joshsaidthoughtfully,enjoyinglearningabouther,andtouchedthatshewassoopenwithhim She wasanhonestperson,evenaboutherweaknessesandquirks.“Iexpectedyoutobeveryspoiled,andyou’renot.”

“I’musuallyonlyabratwhenI’mverytired.BilljustignoresitwhenImisbehave.Youcalledmeonitinthehardware storeyesterdaywhenIwasshortwiththesalesman IwasbeingMs Lawthen It’snotacardIusuallyplay”Joshhadgiven heralookthatbroughtherupshort,caughtherattention,andmadeherlaugh.

“Ithoughtyoumightslugme,butItookthechance,”hesaid,andshelaughed.

“Youwere right Youknow, it’s funhavingyouas anassistant It’s too bad you’re probablya verygood actor and you don’twanttobeanassistantforever.”Hemadeeverythingeasierforher,andshelikedtalkingtohim.

“Youmakeitverytempting.”Hesmiled.Helikedworkingforher,whichwasasurprise.

“You know, everything you learn in life you can apply to your acting In fact, you have to, if you want to grow and improve.”Listeningtoher,Joshrealizedthathehadn’tpushedhimselfinalongtime.Hehadbeendiligentaboutlookingfor work,buthehadn’ttriedtogrowasapersoninordertobringsomethingmoretotheroleshetriedoutfor,becausehehadbeen offeredsuchlousyparts.ButArdithpointedoutthatevenalousypartcouldbeimprovedifyouputmoreofyourselfintoit.It was whyshe was a goddess ofthe screen, and he knew he was a mere mortal compared to her and always would be Few actorsoractresseshadherstatureorhergift.Evenknowingherforashorttimewasanhonor.Hewantedtosoakupeverything she said to himin the next two months and remember it forever. And this was only the beginning. Every day was a rich experiencewithherandalifelesson Sheseemedtohavenoideahowpowerfulherwordswere

Bythe end ofhis first weekwithArdith, Joshwas deeplygrateful that bysome miracle he had gottenthe job, and he laughednowathowhehaddreadeditbeforeheknewher.Hecouldn’twaittogettoworkeverydayandspendhourstalkingto her Atothertimeshecouldseethatsheneededtobealone,andhequietlywithdrewandleftherinpeacetothinkordream He had never feltas attuned to another humanbeing, or meta womanhe liked and respected as much. She was nothinghe had expected,andeverydaywithherwasagift.

Chapter 3

TheweekhadseemedlongtoMorganinNewYork,coveringforherseniorpartner,seeinghispatientsaswellasherown. Shehadfollow-uppatientsaftertheirrecentface-lifts Twoofthemwerethrilledwiththeresults,andthethirdoneless so,butMorganassuredherthatitwouldsettleintime,andlookmorenaturalinafewmonths Somepatientshealedfasterthan others.SheadministeredBotoxshotstoanumberofherpartner’sregularpatients,andsawachildwithasevereburnonher arm,whowas her ownpatient.Thereweregoingtobeanumber ofskingrafts andsurgeries,butsofar thechildwas doing well Morganlovedtreatingher Shelovedtheworkshedidwithchildren,althoughshehadnogreatdesireforchildrenofher own.Herlifewasfullenoughasitwas,andshefoundhermedicalpracticetobeenormouslyrewarding.

She loved the group of doctors she worked with. They had a beautiful office and small surgery center adjacent to NewYork-PresbyterianHospital,wheretheyoperatedaswellonmoreseriouscases Shesawthatherlastpatientofthedayon Fridaywasanamesherecognized.Hewasherpartner’spatient,awell-knownTVanchorandcorrespondentonanimportant newsshow.HehadbeeninjuredsixmonthsbeforeinahotelbombinginNewDelhi,wherehehadbeencoveringastory.He hadsustainedadeepgashonhischeekandhadundergoneseveralsurgeriestorepairit Hewasscheduledforaroutinecheck ofhismostrecentsurgery,whichhadbeenverysuccessful Theseniorpartnerdidmagnificentwork Morganhadlearnedalot fromhim,andsheadmiredtherecentresultsagainwhensheexaminedthepatientpost-surgery.HisnamewasBenRyan,andhe wassurprisedwhenhefoundMorganwaitingtoexaminehim,andnothisgoodfriendwhohadperformedthesurgery.

“Andyis inSeoul,” she explained,andBensmiledas soonas he saw Morgan She was a tall,beautiful blonde,whose lookswerereminiscentofhermother’s,althoughshewaseventallerandhadamodel’sfigure.Benwastallaswellandhada weaknessforbeautifulwomen,althoughMorganwasolderthanthewomenheusuallywentoutwith.Buthisattractiontothe oppositesex,andappreciationofthem,encompassedallages Shehadasleek,elegant,sophisticatedstyle Shewaswearinga beigeskirtandcashmeresweaterthesamecolorunderherwhitelabcoat,andhighheels,whichmadehereventaller.Shehad iceblueeyes,longstraightblondhair,andakindexpressioninhereyeswhentalkingtoherpatients.

“WhyhasAndybeenhidingyoufromme?”BenRyansaidwithabroadsmilewhenhewalkedintoheroffice

“IthinkyoutwoareoldfriendsifI’mnotmistaken,”shesaidwarmly.

“That’strue.WewenttoHarvardtogether.Butthat’sstill noexcuse.”Inthecourseofhisbanter,sheexaminedthescar, whichwas greatlyimproved fromwhatithad been, accordingto the photographs inhis file, and he had possiblyone more surgeryscheduledinthecomingmonths,dependingonhowthisonehealedovertime

“Noproblems,nolumps,nopain,noredness?”sheaskedhim.

“None.Myfaceisstillslightlynumb,butit’sbetterthanitwas.Andyisamasteratwhathedoes.Itwasamesswhenit firsthappened Youcanhardlyseeitnow,andIcancoveritwithmakeupwhenI’moncamera”

Sincehehadgonetocollegewithherpartner,sheguessedthatRyanwasaroundsixty-threeyearsoldwithoutcheckinghis chart,althoughhedidn’tlookit.Hehadastrong,well-toned,athleticbodyandayoungface,withdarkbrowneyesanddark hair withgrayatthetemples Hewasastrikinglyhandsomeman,easilyoneofthebest-lookingmeninTVnews

knowmuchofhispersonalhistoryanddidn’tneedto.Theexaminationwasroutineandwasoverquickly.Morganwasgoingto a dinner partythatnight,givenbya friendshe hadgone tomedical school with,andhadn’tseeninseveral months.She had littletimeforsociallifewithherheavyschedule,andherdatinglifewassporadicforthesamereason.

She’dhadone serious romance incollege,withwhatshe referredtoas another “Hollywoodbrat,” the sonofa famous actor,whohadthesamecomplaintsshedidaboutparentstheyneversawandwhowerealwayseitheronlocationortoobusy todothethingsthat“normal”parentsdid.Shewouldhavemarriedhimifthey’dbothbeenolder,butbythetimetheywere,she was up to her ears inmed school, and he gota youngactress pregnantand married her instead He had beenmarried twice since, at thirty-eight, and she only got Christmas cards from him, with photos of his five children. His children were as beautifulasthethreewomenhehadmarried,andhewasawell-knowndirectornowhimself,stilllivinginL.A.

MorganhadfledCaliforniaassoonasshewenttocollegeatYaleforundergraduate,thenmedschoolatNYU,andnever movedbackwest.ShelovedherlifeinNewYork,andthepracticeshejoinedafterherresidency.ShewasaninveterateNew Yorkernow,andstillhadthesamedistastefortheHollywoodsceneshe’dhadsinceherchildhood,thesamecomplaintsabout hermother,andongoingresentmentsthathadneverentirelyfadedandflaredupfrequently.

BenRyanwas curious about her She was friendlybut a little cool, and unlike most womenhe met, particularlythose closer to his age, she made no attempt to flirt, and didn’t respond when he did. He always found resistance of that kind appealing,likecatnip.Hecouldneverresistawomanwhodidn’tleapintohisarmsorappeartowanthim.Morganmaintained aprofessional demeanor withall her patientsandwasonlywarmer withchildren Withadults,shekeptacool,professional exteriorthatwasstrictlybusiness.MostofBen’sconquestswereeasy,andhedidn’thavetoworkhardforthem.Helovedit whenhe did. Morganreminded himto make another appointmentinsixweeks to see her partner, his old friend, for another routinechecktodecideabouthisnextsurgery,ifheneededone

Shewasmakinganoteinhischart,atherdesk,fiveminuteslaterwhenhecalledher.Thereceptionistputthecallthrough.

“DidIforgetsomething?”sheasked,flusteredforamomentwhenshetookthecall.Thereceptionistknewhimbecauseof hisfriendshipwiththeseniorpartner

“No,Idid,”hesaid,inadeepsexyvoice “Iforgottoaskyoutodinner IwassobowledoverwhenImetyouthatyou had me ina daze the whole time youexamined me,” he said, and she laughed, caughtoffguard bywhathe said. She hadn’t expectedit,hewasverydirect.“Idon’tsupposeyou’refreetonight?I’mnotsureIcanwaitanylonger.You’readangerous woman,Dr Walker,”hesaid,andshelaughed,embarrassed,notsurewhattosay Hewasaveryattractiveman,buthewasa friendofher senior partner,andshedidn’tthinkitwouldbewisetogooutwithhim.Shehadnever goneoutwithapatient before, although she had dated several doctors, but had never fallen in love with any of them. She had escaped what she consideredthemaritaltrap Shewastotallyfocusedonhercareer

Aftergraduation,Morganhadwantedtoestablishhercareersolidly,unencumberedbymarriage.Andthemenwhowere seriousaboutherdidn’twanttowait.Theywantedawifeandbabies,andshedidn’twanttogetmarried.Shehadnevermet anymanshewantedtomarry Shewascautiousaboutwhoshewentoutwithandmadeitclearthathercareerwasherpriority Shewasnotunlikehermotherinthatway,andshehadneverdatedamanBenRyan’sage Hewasayearolderthanhermother, whichseemed like too wide anage gap to her. Inspite ofhis youthful looks and style, he was twenty-five years older than Morgan.

“Thismaysoundcrazytoyou,orlikealine,”Bensaidtoher,“butIknewtheminuteImetyouthatyou’resomeonevery special.I’veonlysaidthatonceortwiceinmylife,andIwasrighteachtime,andIknowIamnow.Areyoufreetonight?”

“No,”shesaid,hesitating.“I’mgoingtoadinnerparty,whichisrareforme.Igetupveryearly.Iperformmysurgeriesin themorning,andIneedtobefreshandwellrestedwhenIdo”

“Icantellyou’reveryseriousaboutyourpractice,orAndywouldn’thaveyouasapartner,”Bensaid.

“Idon’tthinkhe’dlikemegoingoutwithoneofhispatients,”Morgansaidsimply.“It’snevercomeupbefore.”Theyhad noofficialpolicyaboutit,butitseemedunprofessionaltoher

“He’sasensibleguy.Icanhaveatalkwithhimifthatwouldmakeyoumorecomfortable,”Benoffered.

“I’dratheryoudidn’t,”shesaid.“Maybewhathappensafterworkhoursdoesn’tconcernhim,ifwe’rediscreetaboutit.” Shewaswavering.ShewassorelytemptedtoseeBenRyanagainandflatteredbyhisattention.Shethoughthisnewscoverage wasbrilliant,andmanyofthemenshemetboredher,evenfellow physicians Itwouldbenicenottobetellingmedicalwar storiesonadate.Whileothersurgeonsbraggedabouttheiraccomplishments,shewasmodestaboutherown,andtheideaofan eveningwitha manoutofthe medical field was veryappealing. She tried to justifyitto herselfas she listened to his deep mellifluousvoice Therewasafluiditytoit,andsomethingverysensual

“Tomorrowthen?”heaskedher,pressingthepointhometowardavictory Hecouldtellthatshehadweakenedwhenshe askedhimtobediscreet.Hedidn’tgetmanyrefusals,butshemightthinkhimtooold.Hedidn’tknow how oldshewas but guessedhertobesomewhereinhermid-to-latethirties,givenherpositionandobviousexperience.

“Allright,”shesaidcautiously

“You’vejustmademeaveryhappyman.ShallIpickyouupateighto’clock?Doesthatworkforyou?”

“It’s perfect. I’mnotoncall tomorrow. I’ve beenoncall all weekfor emergencies, since Andy’s beenaway. He’s due backtonight,soI’moffthisweekend”

“That’sexcellent.Wheredoyoulive?”MorganhadanapartmentintheEastSixties,notfarfromthehospital,whichwas convenient, ina modernbuilding, witha view ofthe EastRiver. She gave himthe address and he promised to be there. As soonasshehungup,shehadamomentofregret,andwonderedifherseniorpartnerwouldbeangryifhefoundout,butthere wasnoreasonwhyheshouldhearofit,andBenhadpromisedhisdiscretion.

She thought about Ben all the way home, and was excited about the date, even if she felt guilty about it. He was so seductive and so direct and his attentionwas veryflattering. He had enormous charisma. He was a veryfamous man, and incrediblybright Hermother’sfamedidn’timpressher,shewasusedtoit,butBen’sdid Hehadaquick,sharpmindandwas veryintelligentandworldly.

Sheworeanewblackdressfortheirdatethefollowingnight.Itwaschicandsubtlysexy.Sheputherblondhairinabun, andaddedablackcoat,anddiamondstudearrings shehadboughtherself Her heels werehigh,her skirtwas short,andher legslookedterrific.NoneofitwaslostonBenwhenhepickedherup,andhelookeddazzled.Hehadacaranddriver,and tookhertoLeBernardin,oneofthebestFrenchrestaurantsinNewYork.Shehadneverbeentherebutheardalotaboutitfrom herpartners Theyhadaverylucrativepractice ThemenMorganoccasionallydatedtookhertosimpler,morecasualplaces Shewasn’tusedtobeingwooedatthelevelBendid.Dinnerwithhimwassophisticated,glamorous,andexciting.Hetoldher hehadbeenmarriedtwice,thefirsttimeinhistwenties.Ithadlastedforfiveyears,hehadn’tenjoyedtheexperience,andhe hadwaitedanother twentyyears toremarry Atfifty,he hadmarrieda thirty-year-oldweather forecaster onhis show Ithad lastedayearandendedinashockinglyexpensivedivorcethatwasalloverthetabloids,shevaguelyremembered

Hehadathirty-five-year-olddaughterfromhisfirstmarriagewhohesaidwasanartistandaperennialstudent.Shelived inParis,wastakingclassesattheLouvreforthethirdtime,andhadgonetotheBeaux-Artsbeforethat,andshelivedwitha FrenchboyfriendBensaidhedidn’tlikemuch HewasastarvingartistandBenthoughtshecoulddobetter Hesaidhedidn’t seeheroften,andhehadbeentravelingasaforeigncorrespondentformostofherchildhoodandhadmissedalotofimportant moments. He regretted it now, but it was too late. At thirty-five, she was no longer eager to spend time withher father. “I missedtheboatonthat,”heconfessedtoMorgan

“Anddoyouwantmorechildren,tomakeupforit?”sheasked,curiousabouthim.Shewonderedifherownfatherwould havesaidthesamethingsaboutherifhehadlived.Hehadbeengonemostofthetimetoo,andthenhedied.

“It’stoolateforme,”hesaidsimply “Idon’twantchildrenatmyage,andIhavemydaughter She’sterrific,andIwantto spendmytimenowwithanothergrown-up,andnotstartalloveragainwithayoungwifeandlittlekids Alotofmyfriendsdo, butit’snotforme.Idon’tknowhowtheydoit.Whataboutyou?Desperateforbabies?Isthatclockticking?”Shesmiledand shookherhead.

“I’ve never wanted children A husband maybe someday, but not kids It wouldn’t be fair to them My work is too importanttome.Myparents werebusy,myfather diedwhenIwas veryyoung,andmymother was always travelingfor her work.Iknow whatthatfeels like, as a child, and I’ve never wanted to do thatto someone else. Some people justshouldn’t have children IthinkI’mone ofthem So was she,” she said, and he looked relieved whenshe said it He was constantly running into women who wanted marriage and babies, since he usually dated younger women. Fromthirty on, most of the womenhemetwerereadytosettledown,especiallywithafamoushusband.Buthehadahabitofchoosingwomenfortheir looksandpersonalities,nottheirdepth Morganfeltlikejusttherightagetohim,andtherightwoman Helistenedraptlytoher allnight,andtheywerethelastcoupleintherestaurant.Hewalkedherhomeafterthat.Itwasacold,clearnight,anditwas invigorating. Their eyes were bright and their faces chilled when they got to her building. It was late and they’d had a wonderfultimeandhadn’tstoppedtalkingallnight.

“WhencanIseeyouagain?”heaskedherashehuggedher,andherdoormanwaitedatadiscreetdistance

“Ihaveaheavyweeknextweek,withalotofsurgeries.Januaryisalwaysabusymonth,aftertheholidays.”

“Nextweekend?” he asked hopefully, and she nodded. He didn’tkiss her. Itwas too soon, buttheir mutual desire was obviousandpalpable Hewasadazzlingmanandwouldbeeasytofallfor Morganhadn’tthoughtoftheiragedifferenceall

nightanddidn’tcare Benwas infinitelymoreworldly,sophisticated,andintelligentthananymanshe’dever goneoutwith Andhewasjustasimpressedwithher.Helovedthefactthatshewasn’tdesperateforahusbandandbabies,whichwasabig relieftohim.Hehadtoldherclearlyduringdinnerthathiscareerhadneverbeencompatiblewithmarriage.Andshewasn’t sureherswaseither,althoughbothofherpartnersweremarried Hehadalsoadmittedtoherthathewantedtowriteanovel whenheretired,buthehadnoplans toretirefor themoment.Hestill hadaheavytravel scheduleandademandingjob.He wasatthetopofhiscareerandintendedtostaythereforalongtime.Hewasincrediblycharismatic,andastar.Morgancould hardlywaitto see himagain His lips had brushed her cheekwhenhe lefther, and she turned to wave as she wentinto her building.Hewasstandingwatchingherwithaschoolboysmileonhisface,andthenhegotintothecarhe’dhadfollowthemto herbuilding.Benwasthemostexcitingmanshehadevergoneoutwith,andshelovedtheauraofsophisticationabouthim.He thoughtMorganwasthemostinterestingwomanhehadmetinyears,andsobeautifulitmadehisheartachetolookather They could bothsense thatsomethingpowerful had happened, and thatwithoutintendingto, theyhad started somethingdangerous thatnight,likeaforestfirethatneitherofthemcouldcontrolanddidn’twantto.

Ardithhadaquietnight.ShethoughtaboutBill,butitwaslatetocallhim.ShethoughtaboutJoshtoo,andhowpleasantand easyitwastotalktohim.They’dgottenalotdonethatweek,littleprojectsthatshehadwantedtodofor ages,thatweren’t worthhiringsomeonefor,andthatBillwouldneverhelpherwith Hehatedprojectsinthehouse,andsheenjoyedthem Josh hadgoneonerrandswithher.HewasgoodcompanyandOscarhadfinallystoppedgrowlingathim.Theyhadn’tmadefriends yet,butOscarwastoleratinghim,soatleasthewasn’tbarkingconstantlywhenJoshshowedupforwork.Joshwasturningout tobeareal blessing.Shegotalotdonewithhim.Hejokedaboutbeingher cabanaboyafter aweekofworkingfor her.He admired how open, direct, honest, and straightforward she was, so that he had forgottenhis earlier objections Ardithwas aboveallveryhuman.Andhewascomingtounderstandthepriceshepaidforfame.

Shewassurprisinglyisolatedandhadtodealconstantlywithpeople’smisconceptionsabouther.Theywerepublictides shecouldneverturnandjusthadtoendure,whichseemedunfairtohim,butwasthenatureoffame

Intwoweeks,shewasflyingtoLondontoseeBill,andJoshwouldbeoffwhileshewasaway.ArdithhadtalkedtoBill severaltimes,andhesaidhewastakingallhispillsandfeelingfine.Hewasenjoyingthework,thecastandcrew,andwasin goodspiritswhenshetalkedtohim Hesoundedlively,happy,andexcitedtobeworking Beingonafilmwasalwaysgoodfor himandrejuvenatedhim.Hehadaskedabouttheassistantandwas surpriseditwas aman,andshesaiditwas workingout well.AndBillwasmoreinterestedinhismovie.

Shewenttobedearlyandwasinadeepsleepwhenthephonerangatoneinthemorning Shealwaysanswereditatnight, incaseitwasMorganandtherewassomeunforeseenemergency Shegropedforhercellphonenexttoherbedandhelditto herear,withoutputtingherglassesontoseewhowascalling.Shecameawakeatthesoundofanunfamiliarvoiceattheother end.Itwas one ofthe producers inLondononlocationwiththe cast,andshe assumedhe hadcalculatedthe time difference incorrectly Itwasnine AM inLondon

“Ms.Law?”heaskedher,andsheansweredwithhereyesclosed.

“Yes.”Sheglancedattheclockthen,sawthetimeandsatupinbed.Shewasabouttoaskhimifshecouldcallhimback inthemorning,whensheheardthetoneofhisvoice,andcamefullyawakeinaninstant

“I’mafraidIhavesomeverybadnews.Mr.Westhadamassiveheartattackduringthenightandpassedawayinhissleep. Thedoctorassuredusthatheneverwokeupanddidn’tsuffer.Hediedpeacefully.”Ardithdidn’tsayawordforamoment,as thewordssankin,liketorpedoeshittingasubmarine Shefeltasthoughshewasdrowningthemomentsheheardthem There hadbeennowaytocushionthebadnews Theproducerhadtotellherthetruth

“Thatcan’tbe.Hedidn’thaveaheartproblem.Hejusthadacheckuprecently.”Shewantedhimtotellherthatitwasa mistake,itwasn’ttrue.ButBillwasseventy-eightyearsold,andithadhappened.Shesuddenlycouldn’trememberthenameof themanshewastalkingto “Whoisthis?Areyousure?”

“PeterPrice,I’mtheonsiteproducer.AndI’msovery,verysorry.Billwasawonderfulpersonandwealllovedworking withhim.Andyes,Iamsure.Wecalledtheemergencymedicalservicesassoonaswefoundhim,andthemedicalexaminer cameimmediately Billwasalreadygonewhensomeonewenttocheckonhimthismorning wetriedtorevivehim,buthe’d beendeadforseveralhours.Hedidn’tcometothesetthismorningandwaslateforhairandmakeup.I’msovery,verysorry. We’ll call theairlineandtheU.S.embassytodayandmakeall thearrangementstosendhimhome.Thereareformalitieswe

mustobserve I’llcallyouinafewhourswhenIknowmore Iwantedtoletyouknowimmediately,soyouwouldn’theariton thenews.Themediahavealreadygottenholdofit.I’msureitwillbeonallthenewschannelsthismorning.”

“Whatdo youneed me to do? Should Icome over?” she asked, feelinglost. She hadn’tdealtwithanyone dyingsince Morgan’sfatherafterthehelicopteraccident Thiswasaterribledéjàvu AndsheknewthatBillwasthelastlivingmemberof hisfamily,soArdithwouldhavetotakecareofeverything.ShefeltdazedasshelistenedtoPeterPricetellheraboutthered tape they’d have to getthroughinorder to send Bill’s bodybackto California. Ardithwas a personwho normallyhandled everythingandbalkedatnothing ShehadorganizedJohn’sfuneralperfectly,evenwiththescandalofthegirlwho’dbeenwith him.Butsuddenlynow,facedwiththenewsofBill’sdeath,shefelthelpless.ButBillwasseventy-eightyearsold,andithad tohappensomeday.Shejusthadn’texpecteditsosoon.Shethoughtshe’dhaveanothertenyearswithhim,butfatehadother plans

TheproducertriedtodelicatelyremindherthatitwasapainlesswaytogoandablessingforBill,evenifhardforhis loved ones. ButBill had none, excepther. She had beenlisted as his nextofkin, so theyhad called her. Attimes, she had thoughtofhimdiminishingslowlyeventually,maybebeingbedriddenforalongtime,andthendying.Shehadneverexpectedit tohappenthissuddenlyandthisswiftly Onephonecallandhewasgone,aweekaftershe’dlastseenhim Shehadn’thada chancetosaygoodbyeandhadnoinklingofit.Hehadtoldhereverydayonthephonethathefeltgreat.Washelyingtoher,or didhereallyhavenowarning?Anddiditmatternow anyway?Hewasgone,sweptawayonthetidesoflife,justashehad oncebeenbornintothisworld,andnowhistimewasup

Theirtwelveyearsoflovingcompanionshipwereover.Justthinkingaboutit,shehadneverfeltsoaloneinherlife.She keptremindingherselfthathehadn’tsuffered.Andmaybetheproducerwasright.He’dbeenhavingfunontheset,enjoyedthe camaraderiehehaddescribedtoher,hadentertainedeveryone,andtoldwonderfulstoriesofhisearlydaysinHollywood,and nowitwasover.Hehadgonetohiseternalrest,andArdithwasaloneagain.Shealreadyknewthathehadleftallhisearthly possessionstoher.Hehadnomoneytospeakof,andshedidn’tneedanythingfromhim,andneverexpectedit.Allshewanted now was another year or fiveor ten,andinsteadshehadnothing Itwas over Hewas goneandhewas never comingback, exceptforhisremains,tobeburiedwhenevertheysenthimforafuneralthatallHollywoodwouldwanttoattend,justasthey hadJohn’s,whichshehadhadtoorganizeinspiteofthehumiliationthatwashisfinalgifttoher.Shehadneverforgivenhim for it. She had nothingto forgive Bill for. He had simplygone to sleep and never wokenup. Itwas the wayalmostanyone wouldwanttodie,butshedidn’twanthimtodieatall Shewantedhimtocomehome

AsshesatinbedafterthecallandthoughtaboutBill’sdeath,shewaswrackedbygreatgulpingsobs,ofsadnessandloss, andgriefthatshehadn’tbeenwithhimwhenithappened.Andwhatwasshegoingtodonowwithouthim?Shewantedtocall Morgan,butshedidn’tdare SheknewhowbusyMorganwaseveryday,andshedidn’twanttodisturbherinthemiddleofthe night.TherewasnothingMorgancoulddoforBill orhermother.Itwasover,peacefully,swiftly,irrevocably.Bill Westhad leftArdith’slife,assmoothlyandquietlyashehadonceenteredit.Withoutasound,oragoodbye.AndArdithwouldhaveto makeherpeacewithitandlearntolivewithouthim Theagedifferencebetweenthemhadcaughtupwiththemintheend,and shewasaloneagain

Shesatinbedfortherestofthenight,wideawake,alternatelycryingandjuststaringintospaceandthinkingabouthim, themanhehadbeenwhentheymet,theonehehadbecomewithtime,ashesloweddown,andwhathehadmeanttoher.Itall blended together now Alegend had died, a sweet man, an old-school gentleman, a beloved companion, and for better or worse,shehadlovedhimasmuchasshewasable,whatevertheirlimitations.Andanimportantchapterinherlifewasover now.Shewasonherownagain.

Chapter 4

Ardithwaited two hours after she heard the news. It was six A.M. inNew York, and she called Morgan, knowingshe would be onthe wayto the hospital bythento beginher surgeries, before her office hours later inthe day Morgan answeredherphoneasshewalkedtothehospital,andwassurprisedtoseehermother’snumber Despiteoldgrievancesand their differences, she was concerned. Her mother was still relatively young, but anything could happen medically and her mothernevercalledheratthathour.Itwasthree A.M.inL.A.

“Areyouokay?”Morganaskedher

TherewasaflickerofhesitationbeforeArdithanswered,andalumpinherthroat.“No…yes…I’mokay.Billdiedinhis sleepinLondon.Theycalledmetwohoursagototellme.”MorgancouldhearthatArdithwascrying,asshedigestedthenews herself ShehadneverbeenclosetoBill,butsheknewthathermotherlovedhim,andtheyhadbeeninseparableforthepast twelveyears,eventhoughtheynevermarried.Morgandidn’tfullyunderstandtherelationshiporwhyArdithhadn’twantedto marryhim.Ardithsaidshethoughtitunnecessaryanditworkedwellenoughasitwas,althoughBillhadalwayssaidhewould havepreferredtobemarried,whichseemedmorerespectabletohim Ardithdidn’twanttobemorecommittedthanshewas Thelegalitiesweren’timportanttoher,sinceheronlymarriagehadturnedouttobeashamwhenJohnWalkercheatedonher Shedidn’twanttoruntheriskofbeingcheatedonagain,althoughMorgandoubtedthatBillWesthadeverbetrayedher.And sheknewthathisabsencewouldleaveahugevoidinhermother’slifenow.

“I’msosorry,”Morgansaidinashockedvoiceandstoppedwalkingoutsidethehospital Cell receptioninthehospital was spotty.She hadn’texpectedthis kindofnews,andBill hadseemedinrelativelygoodhealthfor his age,despite all the medications he took, manyofthempreventative. He had had no serious conditions once he beatthe prostate cancer. “What happened?”

“Amassiveheartattack.Withnowarning.Hewasfeelingfineandhavingfunonthepicture,andnowhe’sgone.Theysay hediedinhissleepanddidn’tsuffer.”

“I’msurethat’strue,”Morganreassuredher “I’msosorry Doyouhavetogoover?”

“Theproducerswilltakecareofeverythingandsendhimhome.Therearesomeformalities.Ihavetoplanthefuneral.” Ardithhatedtoaskherthenextquestion,butshewantedtoknow.“Willyoucomehome?”TherewassilenceatMorgan’send foramoment.

“When?Now?Ican’t,Mom Ihavesurgeriesscheduledallweek Whendoyouthinkthefuneralwillbe?”

“Idon’tknow.Iassumenextweeksometime.Itwillprobablytakethisweektogethimhome.”

“I’ll come for the funeral. Justletme know whenas soonas youcan, butIcanonlystayfor the day.” Bill wasn’ther father, or evenher stepfather He had beenpleasantand polite to her, butnever warm He was her mother’s companionand friend.ThiswasArdith’sgrieftodealwithnow,nothers.Morganwasacutelyawareofitanddidn’thavethetimetospend weeks or even days to comfort her mother. Her work schedule didn’t allow it, and the nature of their relationship didn’t encourage it either Her mother would adjust without Bill in time And Morgan thought Ardith had been spared years of

possible nursingatthe end. Itwas a mercythathe had gone so quicklyand so simply. He could have become anenormous burdentohermotherashegotolder,andnowhewouldn’t.Ardithwasfreetopursueherlifewithouthim.Morganthoughtit wasforthebestthisway,althoughshedidn’tsayittohermother.“I’msorry,Mom.Letmeknow ifthere’sanythingIcando fromhere,” whichtheybothknew there wouldn’tbe All Morgancoulddonow was offer comforttoher mother She didn’t havethetime,thenature,orthedesiretofillthevoidinhermother’slife.Theyhadbeentooseparateandtoodistantfortoo long. Ardithwas reminded yetagainthatshe would forever paythe price ofwhatshe hadn’tbeenable to provide Morgan whenshewasachild

“Iunderstand,”Ardithsaid,soundingshaken.Shehadnever feltasvulnerableasshedidnow.WhenJohnWalker died, shehadbeenyoung.Bill dyingnow made her face her ownmortalitytoo,anunpleasantthought,evenifhe hadbeensixteen yearsolder Butoneday,soonerorlater,somethingsimilarwouldhappentoher Shehadlostseveralfriendstocancerinthe lastfewyears,buttherehadbeentimewiththemtoadjusttotheloss,andprepareforit.WithBill,therewasnowarning.He wassuddenlyandinstantlygone.

Morganlookedather watchasshestoodoutsidethehospital.“Ihavetogo,Mom.Ihavetocheckmypatients,andI’m dueinsurgeryintenminutes Ican’tbelate I’llcallyouwhenIgettotheofficethisafternoon Oneofthemisalongsurgery thismorning.”Shewasdoingaface-lift.

“It’sokay,don’tworry.I’llbefine.AndMorgan…Iloveyou,”Ardithsaidinatendervoice.

“Iloveyoutoo,Mom AndI’msorryaboutBill Iknow how muchhemeanttoyou”Ardithhadtakengoodcareofhim andlovedhimtothebestofher abilities.TherehadalwaysseemedtobesomethinglackinginittoMorgan,maybebecause theyweren’tmarried,sodespitethelongevityoftheirrelationship,shehadnevertakenittooseriously.Shewonderedifshe’d beenwrong,andifithadbeenadeeperlovethanshethought,assheandhermotherhungupandshehurriedintothehospital andtooktheelevatoruptothesurgicalfloor.Hermotherwasclearlydeeplyshakenbytheloss,butsuddendeathwasalways shocking,evenifamercyintheend.Morganturnedhermindtoherpatientsthen,changedintoscrubs,andwenttovisittwoof thembeforeshestarted Theywerealreadysedated,andshewenttoscrubforthesurgeriesthatwouldoccupyherallmorning However upset she was now, Morganknew her mother would be fine Ardithwas a strongwomanand had come through worsebefore.Morganwasn’tworriedabouther,evenifsheknew shewouldbe sadfor a time,whichwas normal.Morgan wasn’tanurturer,particularlywithhermother.

Ardithsatinherbed,thinkingforawhile,aftershespoketoMorgan.Shewasn’tsurprisedbyanythingherdaughtersaid.She wasadoctor,anddeathwasn’tunfamiliartoher Andeventhoughinrelativelygoodhealth,Billwasn’tyoung Asoneofher friendssaidrecently,itwasboththeblessingandthecurseofbeingwitholdermen Soonerorlatertheydied,whileyouwere stillyoung.Thefriendwhohadsaiditalreadyhadanewmaninherlifesixmonthsafterherhusbandhaddied.Ardithknew thatwouldn’thappentoher.Shehadalwaysthoughtthatwhenever Bill died,shewouldprefer tostayalone,toworkharder thanshewas workingnow ifshefoundgoodparts,press oninher career again,travel,visitMorganinNew York,andlive freefromthecomplicationsofarelationshipwhereshehadtotakecareofsomeonewhowouldeventuallybeinfailinghealth. Evenifshefoundamanherownagenow,itwouldrequirealevelofcommitmentshewasnolongerpreparedtogive.Butshe hadn’texpectedtobefreedfromherresponsibilitiessosoon

Shewenttothekitchen,madeherselfacupofcoffee,andwentbacktobed,thinkingofBill andall shehadtodo.She stayedclosetothephone,waitingfornewsfromLondon.SheturnedontheTVtoseethemorningnewsandwasshockedto seeaveryhandsomeyounger photoofBill fill thescreen Thenewscasters reportedonhis deathinLondonthenightbefore and mentioned the highpoints of his career and some of his major films Theymentioned his two brief marriages to wellknownactressesmanyyearsbefore,showedaphotoofhimwithArdithattheAcademyAwardswhenshereceivedhersecond Oscar,andsaidtheyhadbeenconstantcompanionsforthepastdecadebutweren’tmarried.Theysaidhehadnochildren,that hisdeathwouldbemournedinthefilmindustry,thathewouldlongberememberedbyfans,andthatfuneralarrangementshad notyetbeenmadesincehehaddiedabroadonlyhoursbefore.Andthentheymovedontothenextstory.

Itseemedlittletosayaboutamanwhohadbeeninthepubliceyeforsolongandhadbeenadmiredbyfansallaroundthe world Asshelistened,Ardithwonderedifitwasenoughforalifeofnearlyeightyyears Wasthatreallyalltherewas?Overa hundredfilms,nochildren,nowifeintheend.ButsheknewithadbeenenoughforBill.Hehadbeensatisfiedwiththelifehe led, and never questioned himself the way she did. It was one of the major differences between them. Ardith always dug

deeperandquestionedherself Billwasalwayscontentwithhowthingswere,andstayedonthesurface Hewashappierasa result, and now itwas over. She satquietlythinkingabouthim. She heard Benicia movingaround inthe kitchen, she didn’t wanttoseeheryet.ArdithknewthatBeniciawatchedmorningTVandwassureshehadalreadyseenthenews.Shestayedin beduntilsheheardJosharriveatnine Sheputonabathrobeandwenttomeethiminthekitchen,whileBeniciavacuumedthe livingroom.

Joshwasneatlydressedandsmiledwhenhesawher.Shecouldseefromthecheerfullookonhisfacethathehadn’theard thenewsyet,andheseemedsurprisedwhenhesawherlooksosolemn

“Areyouokay?”heaskedhercautiously.Shelookedpaleandexhausted.ShehadbeenawakesincePeterPricecalledher fromLondon.

“Bill diedlastnight,inhis sleepinLondon,” she said,andJoshlookedshocked Due toanoddquirkoffate,he found himselfintheir inner circlenow,privytothesorrowsandjoysoftheir lives,andinexorablypartofthem.Itwasn’twhathe hadexpectedor intendedwhenhehadbeencastintheroleofher “errandboy,”as hecalledhimself,duringBill’s absence, andnowhewasoneofthem,andinoneshortweekhadcometocareaboutthem.

“Ohno!I’msosorry,”hesaid,movingtowardher Shelookedbereft,lostandalone,morethandevastated Shehadbeen caughtoffbalancewhenshegotthecall.Nowshewasfacingitsquarelyhourslater,butdeeplysadnonetheless.“WhatcanI dotohelpyou?”Joshsaid,asshesatdowninakitchenchairandlookedupathim.

“Idon’tknowyet I’mgoingtohavetodoeverything Hehadnoone” “Nokids?”

Sheshookherhead,lookingatJosh.“Justme.There’ssomeredtapeaboutbringinghimhome.Theproducersaredealing withit Afterthat,it’suptome Iwanttowriteadecentobituary I’llcallhisagent Hemadealotofmovies Hewasagood person,” she said sadly. She feltguiltynow thatshe hadn’tloved himmore thanshe did. She was faithful and devoted and attentivetohim,butsheknew thatshedidn’tlovehimunquestioninglyashedidher.Hehadlovedher unconditionally.With Ardith,therewerealwaysdeeperquestionsthathadnoanswers,whichwaswhyherperformancesweresobrilliant,because shealwaysdugdownforthehardquestionsandanswers,intherolessheplayedasinlife,andwasalwayscriticalofherself andherperformancesandrelationshipswithotherhumans.Shehadrealizedlongsincethatshehadnevertrustedanotherman afterherhusband.Herfatherhadbeenagoodman,buthaddiedyoungtoo,andhermotherhadbeenaweakwomanwhohad acceptedeverythingatfacevalue,whichhadgivenArdiththerolemodel ofwhoshedidn’twanttobe Andherparentshad neverunderstoodorapprovedofhercareerasanactress.Shehadbeenastrangerintheirmidstsinceherchildhood.Andthere hadneverbeenamanwhotrulyunderstoodher,notevenBill,whoacceptedherasshewaswithoutdiggingdeeper,butdidn’t reallyunderstandhereither Shehadnoillusionsaboutthat,evennow Joshmadehimselfacupofcoffeeandsatdownatthekitchentablewithher.Ardithdidn’tobject,itwas comfortingto havehimthere eventhoughshe barelyknew him.Buthewas brightandcaring.Benicia came inandlookedlike she’dbeen crying,toldArdithhowsorryshewas,theyhugged,andthenBeniciawenttotidyArdith’sbedroomandleftthemalone

“He always accepted me justas Iwas, evenwhenIwas bad or ill-tempered” Joshsmiled “He didn’tcare whyIdid whatIdid,hejustacceptedmeandneverpunishedme.Everyoneelseinmylifealwaysdid.Theykeptscore,justlikeMorgan does.Bill never did.He was sucha goodperson.He was uncomplicated,whichis whyitworkedfor solong.” She looked mournfullyatJosh, who didn’tcomment He justlether talk He knew she needed to, to workthroughwhathad happened “WhatdoIdowithhisthingsnow?There’snoonetogivethemto,”shesaid,asthoughthatmattered,butitwassomethingto keephermindbusy.

“Theremustbesomekindofmuseumforthefilmindustrythatwouldbehappytohavesomeofit,”hesuggestedquietly, andshenodded,rememberingtheHollywoodMuseum.“AndI’llcallhisagentandgetallthebiographicalmaterialtheyhave onhim,andIcanchecktheinternet,soyoucanwritetheobit.”

“Thankyou,”shesaid,gratefulforhisthoughtsthatwouldhelphernavigateherwaythroughit

HecalledthemuseumandBill’sagentandgotallthepertinentinformationforher.Heansweredthephoneforherallday, astheshockingnewsspreadoutintotheworldlikewater.Billhadbeenwelllikedandadmiredbyhispeers,andpeoplewere genuinelysadatthenews ofhis passing.Therewas nooneArdithwantedtotalkto,evenamongher friends.Sheneededto copewithherownemotionsbeforeshedealtwithanyoneelse’s,anddealingwiththebiographicalmaterialonBillthatJosh gatheredforhergaveherasafeplacetotakerefuge.Factswereeasiertodealwiththanfeelings.

Joshstayedlatethatnight,helpingherorganizethematerialforBill’sobituary.Likeeverythingelseshedid,shewantedit tobeperfectandaccurate Joshdidn’twanttoleaveheralone,andtheobituarywasagoodexcusetokeepaneyeonher He

feltsorryforherbutdidn’tletitshow Hecouldseethatshewascopingwithherownemotionsandcouldn’tdealwithanyone else’s.Morgancalledheronceandtheconversationwasbrief.

Ardithwasstillworkingontheobituarywhenheleftthatnight,andshehadadrafttoshowhiminthemorningwhenhe arrived Itwas beautifullywritten,andheonlymadeoneor twosuggestions,whichshethankedhimfor andincorporatedin whatshe’dwritten.

Peter Price called her fromLondonthatafternoon. The ambassador had helped themwiththe inevitable red tape ofan AmericancitizenofBill’scelebritydyingabroad HisremainsweretoarriveonFriday,whichallowedhertobeginplanning thefuneral.Shewantedittobeasdignifiedandtraditionalashewas,aneventthateveryonewouldrememberandthatwould paysuitablehomagetohim.Itwasthelastthingshecoulddoforhim,andshewasbearingthefullexpenseherself.Whenshe spoketohisagent,hisbank,andhisattorney,whoconfirmedthatshewasboththeexecutorofBill’sestateandtheonlyheir, shewasshockedathowlittlemoneyhehadleft.Helivedfrommovietomovieandwascountingonthecurrentonetofillhis coffersagain,forhoweverlongitlasted.Hisestatewouldhavetogothroughprobate,whichwouldtaketime,butineffect,he ownednothingofvalueandhadnoinvestments,andwhatmoneyhehadwouldn’thavepaidfortheflowersathisfuneral.She intended to payfor his final elegantfarewell, worthyofthe star he was, and Joshmade anappointmentfor her withbotha churchandafuneralhomethenextday,soshecouldmakethearrangements.Hehadinstantlybecomemorethananerrandboy, and was a seriously useful assistant, who helped her do everything, and he rapidly understood that she was paying for everything,justasshehadwhenBillwasalive Ithadneverbeenanissuebetweenthem,andshehandleditwithsuchgrace thatBillhadneverfelthumiliatedbyit.

The onlyshockingcall Joshreceived was at his apartment the next morning. He was due to take Ardithto the funeral home,whereshewasarrangingaviewingforBill’sfriendsandapubliconeforhisfans Joshwasorganizingsecurityforit, andfor her as well.Anemotional eventofthis kindbroughtthe crazies out,the police hadwarnedhim,andJoshwantedto makesurethatArdithwasprotected,sincetherewasnooneelsetothinkofthatnow.ShewasthinkingofBillandwhatwas duehim,andJoshwasfocusedonher

ThecallhegotthatmorningwasfromtheproducerofBill’smovie,whohadhiredJoshtoworkforArdithasanassistant fortwomonthsaspartoftheirdealwithBillWest,asacourtesytoBillandathisrequest,sincehewouldbeonlocationand unabletohelpher.Joshhadconsidereditajailsentencewhentheyofferedittohiminitially.

“Well,you’reoffthehook,”theproducertoldhimonthephone

“Forwhat?”Josh’sheadwasfullofthefuneralarrangementshewashelpingArdithwith,andnothingelse.Ithadbecome hismissiontohelpher,andhewasrelievedtobeusefultoherinameaningfulway.ShewasdisorientedandshockedbyBill’s suddendeath

“You can forget being Ardith Law’s slave.” There were six weeks left to run in the agreement, and Josh was being respectablypaid and needed the money. Itallowed himnotto workas a waiter while he waited for another minor partina movietocomethrough,sohecouldpayhisrent Andeventhoughhehadn’twantedthejobatfirst,themoneywasgood “We spoketoourlegaldepartmentthismorning TheagreementwasinasidelettertohumorBillWest,itwasn’tinhiscontract,but withhisdeath,thatpartoftheagreementisnullandvoid,soyou’redone.I’msurethat’sgoodnews.She’sprobablyabitchto workfor,andshehasnoclaimonus.Wehadnoagreementwithher.So,it’sover.Youcangivehernoticeasoftoday,orwe candoitforyou,ifyouwant Youdon’tevenhavetogoback You’reout Wefiguredyou’dbethrilled”

Joshwassilentforamoment,thinkingofallthethingshewasdoingforandwithher,andknewhisleavingwouldbeyet anotherblow.Shehadnooneelsetohelpher.Noassistantofherown,sinceshehadn’tdoneafilmintwoyears,andMorgan wasuninvolved,toobusyinNew Yorktohelphermother,anddidn’tseeminclinedto Sheseemedtofigureher mother had nothingelsetodoandcouldmanageonherown.

“I’mhelpingherwiththefuneralarrangements,”Joshsaidcarefully,thinkingaboutitashesaidit.“Ihatetoleaveherin thelurch”

“We’reverysorryaboutBill.Hewasagreatguy,butArdithLawisn’tourproblem.Wedon’toweheranythingandshe canaffordtohireanassistantifsheneedsone.Andwehaveascriptwe’rejustclosingadealonthatwewanttosendyouin thenextfewweeks.”

“Anotherhorrormovie?”Joshaskedinaflatvoice,andtheproducerlaughed

“No, a good one this time. A part we think you’d be perfect for. We’re going to send it to your agent. It’s a strong supportingrole ina dramatic film, witha greatdirector.” Itwas exactlywhatJoshwanted, butthe timingwas terrible. He didn’twanttoleaveArdithupsetandalone Hehadonlyworkedforherfortwoweeks,butfeltaloyaltytohernow,andan

attachment Heknewbetterthanmostpeoplehowvulnerableshewasunderneaththehard,confidentexterior,whichwasonlya front.

“Andshe’snotabitch,bytheway.She’sadecentwoman.”

“I’mhappytohearit Butyou’redone We’llpayyouthroughthisweek,andthenthearrangementiscanceled Wehaven’t toldheryet,weweregoingtoletheragentknow,asacourtesy.Weneverhadadealwithher,onlywithBill,toprovideheran assistantwhilehewasonlocation.”

“Don’ttellheragent,”Joshsaidfirmly “I’lltakecareofit,I’llgivehernoticetoday,andfinishouttheweek” “Fine.Andwe’ll getthatscripttoyour agentassoonaswesignthedeal.Ithinkyou’regoingtobeveryhappywithit. Thiscouldbeyourbigbreak.”

“Thankyou,Ilookforwardtoreadingit,”Joshsaid,distractedbywhattheproducerhadsaid Themoneytheyweregoing topayhimfortwoweeksasherassistantwouldcarryhimforawhile,andhecouldcoverhisrentwithhissavings.Hedidn’t needmuchmorethanthatatthemoment,andifhehadto,hecouldborrow moneyfromafriend.Hehadbefore,andalways paidthemback.Hesatstaringintospaceafterhehungup,figuringitout.Therewasnowayhewasgoingtoleavehernow, andshedidn’tneedtoknowthearrangementwasover Shewasagoodwomanandhecaredabouther,andshe’dhadahard blowwithBill’sdeathandnoonetosupportherthroughit.Workingforherforthenextsixweeks,tofinishouthistimewith her,wasagifthecouldgiveher.Hewaswillingtoworkforthenextsixweekswithnopay,andsheneverhadtoknowabout it Itwassomethinghecoulddoforher Hehadenoughinhisbankaccountnowfortwoorthreerentchecks,whichwasallhe needed.Hedidn’twanttoleavehertoworkasawaiterduringthenextsixweekshewassupposedtoworkforher.Shedidn’t need to lose himtoo, as her onlyhelper and personto leanon. She could hire anassistant later if she needed one, as the producersaid,butfornow,hewasgoingtodoeverythinghecouldtohelpherandgetherontheroadtorecoveryafterBill’s death.Thescripttheysaidtheywantedtosendhimsoundedinteresting,ifiteverhappened,butmostofthepromisestheymade andprojectstheytoldhimaboutfellthroughandnevermaterialized.Heexpectedtogobacktowaitingontablesinsixweeks. Inthemeantime,hewasgoingtobefullyavailabletoArdithtohelpher Shedidn’tneedtoknowhewasnolongerbeingpaid He had beenshocked whenthe producer called himto saythat his time as her assistant was over It was the last thinghe expected,butitmadesenseinthecircumstances.Hehadhatedtohear theproducer call Ardithabitch.Shewasn’t.Hewas sureshecouldbetoughwhensheneededtobe,butshehadn’tbeenabitchtohim,andifanything,hefeltasthoughtheywere friendsnow,andhewasnotgoingtoletherdowninherhourofneed

He arrivedontime totake her tothe appointmentatthe funeral home,andtomeetwiththe priestatthe Churchofthe Good ShepherdinBeverlyHills afterward She was clear, capable,andwell organized withthe arrangements she made She was spendingafortunetoprovideBillwithahero’sfuneralhewouldhavebeenproudof,andshehadabsolutelynoideathatJosh wouldbeworkingforfreenow.Itneverdawnedonher.

Ina quietmomentover a cup ofcoffee whentheygotbackto the house, he told her aboutthe scriptthe producer had promisedtosend,ifiteverhappened,andArdithlookedathimwithinterest.

“Show ittomewhenyougetit,”shesaid.“I’ll tell youwhatIthinkofit.Halfofwhatreallymattersinthisbusinessis pickingtherightscripts Alotofactorsoverlookthatandgetenthusedaboutthewrongthings Thewritingiskey I’mhappyto takealook,ifyouwantmeto.”Hecouldn’tthinkofanythingbetter.

“Thankyou.Mostoftheprojectstheytellmeaboutlikethatneverhappen,andIneverhearfromthemagain.We’llseeif theyevensendittome”Hedidn’tsoundoptimistic He’dbeendisappointedtoomanytimes

“Justletme know ifyougetit” Theywentbacktotalkingaboutthe funeral then Theyhadmade a lotofheadwaythat morning.ShehadpickedabeautifulphotographofBillfortheprogram,andthemusicsheknewwouldbemeaningfultohim. Therewasgoingtobeanoticeinthe L.A. Times ofboththefuneralandthepublicviewing,andJoshhadlinedupsecurityand policeprotection Itwasgoingtobeamajorevent,andtheyexpectedseveralthousandfansandfriendstoattend Oneofthe longtime heroes and stars of old Hollywood was being put to rest with a hero’s send-off. Ardith was paying more than adequatetributetohim,andshesawtoeveryminutedetailwithJosh’shelp.

ThefuneralwassetforthefollowingMonday,withafullmassattheChurchoftheGoodShepherd Bill’sbodywasdue backfromLondononFriday.Joshwasgoingtomeetthecasketwithherattheairport.Hedidn’twantherfacingthatalone.

WhenArdithcalledMorgantotellherthatafternoon,Morgansaidthatshewasbusythatweekendandcouldn’tcometo L.A.,butshewouldarriveonSundaynight,attendthefuneralwithhermotheronMonday,andflybacktoNewYorkMonday evening.ArdithwasholdingareceptionattheHotelBel-Airafterthefuneral,andMorgansaidshecouldn’tattendthateither andwouldhavetoleaveafterthechurchserviceandtheburialatHollywoodForeverCemetery,whichwasatleastsomething JoshthoughtthatMorgancouldhavemademoreefforttobewithhermotherforallofit,buthedidn’tsayanything,andArdith didn’targuewithher.Morganalwaysplacedfirmboundariesonhertimewithhermother,andArdithacceptedit,knowingthat shehadfallenshortinhermotherlydutiesinthepast Morganhadtheupperhandwiththat,andhadkeptscoreandnever let her mother forget it. At least she was coming. That was something, althoughshe would have little time to offer her mother comfortandsupport.ButArdithwouldhavefriendsthere,heragent,Bill’sfriends,andthefilmmakersthey’dworkedfor,and Joshdiscreetlyinthebackground Shewouldgetthroughit,evenwithoutMorganattendingallofit Joshthoughtitwasn’tnice of Morgan, but he never said a word. And he admired Ardith for her restraint. In her shoes, he would have said more to Morgan,butArdithknew better.Morgangave as muchofherselfas she wanted,andnever more,particularlytoher mother. AndJoshquietlyobserveditall.

Chapter 5

MeetingBill’s casket at LAX whenit arrived fromLondonwas a soberingexperience, whichmade Bill’s deaththat muchmorerealtoArdithandeventoJosh,whohadnevermethimandwenttotheairportwithher Thefuneralhome sentahearsetocollectthecasketwithBill’sremainsandtakeittothefuneralhometopreparehimfortheviewingonSunday

Ardithstoodonthetarmacwithadevastatedlookastheyloweredthecasketcarefullyonahydrauliclift.Theproducers inLondonhadsentBillhomeinasimplepinebox,andArdithhadselectedadignified-lookingmahoganycasketforthefuneral andtheviewing Shehadspentafortuneonit,whichwasthenatureoffuneralsinAmerica Joshhadbeenhorrifiedbywhat theycharged her for everyservice, and for everythingshe needed. It was above all a lucrative business, whichpreyed on peopleattheirmostvulnerabletime.AndinthecaseofastarofArdith’smagnitude,theytookadvantageofeveryopportunity. Josh tried to help guide her through the rough currents which she was navigating, he thought, with surprising grace and patience. Several times, he would have lost his temper, but he didn’t, for her sake, and Ardith was gracious and kind to everyone.

Watchingthecasketremovedfromtheplanewasupsetting,andshelookedshakenandpaleafterwardwhentheyleftthe airporttogohome Thecasketwasonitswaytothefuneralhomeinthehearsebythen,andshehadsignedallthenecessary documentstoacknowledgereceiptofWilliamWest’sremainsforburial.

“Areyouokay?”JoshaskedhergentlyonthewaybacktoBelAir.Shenodded,unabletospeakforaminuteasshewiped hereyes SeeingBill’scaskethadmadeitallmorerealtoher Itwasn’taboutwhatflowersandwhatmusic,orafancycasket Itwasaboutbringinghomethebodyofamanshehadlovedfortwelveyears,sharedherlifewith,andsharedherbedwithfor allofthoseyears.Amanshewouldneverseeagainandwhowouldneverbepartofherlifeagain.Howeverimperfecttheir relationshipmayhavebeen,ithadbeenhumanandreal,asrealastheywere,andhadcarriedthemthroughadozenyears She knewthatshewouldmisshim,onceallthefanfarewasover.Thatpartofitdidn’tseemrealtoheryet,sothemissingwasnot as acute as she suspected itwould be later. For now, Joshwas helpingto keep her distracted withthe arrangements, which wereall-consuming

“WhendoesMorgangethere?”Joshasked,ashedrovetheBentleybacktoBelAir.Hewasusedtodrivingitnow.

“Shelands ateleven P.M. onSunday. She should be atthe house atmidnight. She has a five P.M. flightbackonMonday afternoon.She’llhavetoleaveusbythreetocheckin.She’sgoingstraightfromthecemetery,aftertheservice.”Henodded, thinkingagainthatshecouldatleasthavecomefortheweekendtooffersomecomfort,andspentMondaynightwithhermother tobewithheratthereceptionandthenightafterthefuneral.Shemightbeanimportantsurgeon,butnoonewasthatimportant, and she did face-lifts for God’s sake, Josh thought, not open-heart surgery. She seemed heartless to Josh, and totally selfcentered,althoughhewouldn’thavesaidthattoArdith,buthethoughtitateverylimitandboundaryMorganset Whateverher grievances about her childhood, which Ardith had alluded to and seemed to take full responsibility for, it seemed a poor excuse to Josh. His parents hadn’tbeensupportive ofhis aspirations as anactor, butitnever led himto take itoutonthem whentheygotolder,becamesickandfrail,andfinallydied Hehadrespectedwhotheywereandwhattheymeanttohim,even

iftheydidn’tencouragehisactingcareer,andtheyhadhadtheirownstrugglesinlife,financiallyandinadifficultmarriage. HisfatherhadbeenadrinkerandhadoftenbeenharshwithJoshasaboy,whenhedidn’tmeasureuptohisfather’sacademic aspirations for him. He had beena hard taskmaster. His mother had beengentler. Theyhad made sacrifices to send himto Juilliard, which Josh was grateful for, even though he had decided not to pursue music as his career But the training and disciplinehadbeenexcellent.

Morgan didn’t seem to feel she owed her mother much of anything, and it saddened him for Ardith, who made few demandsofherdaughter MorganhadmadeitclearthatsincehermotherandBillweren’tmarried,shehadnorealobligation to be athis funeral, and a tokenappearance for partofitwas good enough whichitwasn’t, inJosh’s opinion. Whatwas happeningnowwasaboutArdith,notaboutherlongtimecompanion.ItwasArdithwhoneededthesupportthatMorgandoled outsosparingly Itwasasthoughsheblamedhermotherforherfather’suntimelydeathindisgraceyearsbefore,wheninfact Ardithhadbeenthevictimofit,notthecause.Itwasn’therfaultthathewascheatingonherandgotexposedduetothefatal helicopteraccident.Morgan’sviewofitwasskewed,andsheseemedtotakeitoutonhermotherateveryopportunity,thirtyoneyearslater,whichwasmorethanexcessive.EventshadpunishedArdithatthetime,andMorganhadbeenperpetuatingit ever since Itwas a longtime to be punished, althoughArdithseemed to have made her peace withitand was surprisingly forgivingofherdaughter.ItmadeJoshangrywatchingit.HewasgladtobetheretohelpArdith.

AstheydrovetowardBel Air,hetookaturnoffinBeverlyHills.Ardithwasstaringoutthewindow,didn’tnotice,and didn’tquestionituntiltheystoppedatasmallItalianrestaurant,whereheoftenatewhenhecouldaffordtogoouttodinner “Wherearewe?”Ardithlookedathiminsurprisewhenheparkedandturnedoffthecar.

“Luigi’s.TheyhavethebestpizzainL.A.,andsomereallygoodpasta.Youneedtoeat,”hesaidquietly.

“I’mnothungry,”shesaidmatter-of-factly

“Ihaven’tseenyouputfoodinyourmouthsincebreakfastandthatwashalfapieceoftoastyoudidn’tfinish.Thefoodis goodhere,andtherearenopaparazzi,”hereassuredher.“Noonecomeshere.”Shewaswearingjeansandablacksweater andbigdarkglasses,andhewassurenoonewouldrecognizeher

Shelaidherheadbackagainsttheseatandsmiledathim “Thankyoufortakingsuchgoodcareofme”

“Asyourofficialerrandboy,that’smyjob.”Witheverythingthathadhappened,hewasalotmorethanthatbythen,and theybothknewit.Hehadbeenmorethanafriendtoherforthepasttwoweeks,particularlyintheweeksinceBillhaddiedso unexpectedly Joshhadreallysteppeduptotheplateevenmorethansheknew,andshewasgrateful “Comeon,let’sgoeat I’mstarving.”Ithadn’toccurredtoheryetthatthestudiohadendedhisjobandwouldnolongerpayhim.Hermindwassofull ofthefuneral,andshewasstillsoshocked,thatithadobscuredeverythingelse.

“Metoo,”sheadmittedaboutbeinghungry,astheygotoutofthecar Theycouldsmellthepizzafromtheparkinglot,and itsmelleddelicious.

“Theyhavegreatspaghettiandmeatballstoo.”Theirdinnertogetherwasspontaneous,butseeingBill’scaskethadshaken herbadly,andJoshwantedtodosomethingtoliftherspirits Sheneededitdesperately Shedidn’twanttoseeherfriends,and Morganwasremainingaloofanddistantandofferinghermothernocomfort,sohesteppedintoprovidewhatnooneelsedid He wantedtodoit.Besides,she was barelyeatingandlookedas thoughshe hadlostfive or tenpounds thatweek.He was worriedabouther.Thefactthatshewasamajorstarnolongermatteredtoeitherofthem.Shewasjustawomanwhoneeded somecompassionandkindness,andhewashappytosupplyittoafellow human Hesensedthatshewouldhavedoneitfor him.

Shetookoffherdarkglassesoncetheysatdowninabackbooth,andsheorderedasimplepizza,andheorderedonewith everythingonit Thepizzaswereasdeliciousashehadpromised,andhetalkedherintosharingahotfudgesundaewithhim aftershefinishedherpizza.Hewashappytoseehereatingenoughforthefirsttimeinaweek.She’dbeenlivingonsnacksand PowerBarsuntilthen.Shelookedrelaxedasshesharedthesundaewithhim,andaskediftheyhadsenthimthepromisedscript yet Alltheyhadtalkedaboutallweekwasthefuneral,buteverythingwasorganizedbythen

“Ofcoursenot.I’llprobablyneverhearaboutitagain.NooneinHollywoodlikestosayno,sotheyjustvanishandyou neverhearfromthem.”Sheknewitwastrue.

“Untilyoufinallygetabreakfromsomeone.It’llcome,”shesaidconfidently,andhesmiledwrylyather.

“Thankyouforyourfaithinme Youdon’tevenknowifIcanact”

“Actually,Ido,”shesaid,smilingathim.“Ihadmyagentgetmecopiesofyourlasttwohorrormoviesandaparticularly ghastlysci-fimovie.Thescriptswereawful,butyou’reaverycredibleactor,ifthey’dgiveyouadecentscripttoworkwith.I