The Courier 1289 by The Courier Online

www.thecourieronline.co.uk Monday 17 March 2014 Issue 1289 Free

The Independent Voice of Newcastle Students

SIBLING RIVALRY Sartorial stand-off with the Olsens, Knowles and Delevingnes p.29

Est 1948

GOOD KIDS, MAD CITY p.28 GOT MILK? p.32

Campus crowns new NUSU officers By Anna Templeton and James Simpson News Editors A turnout of 20 per cent in the Student Union elections saw a new set of sabbatical officers and part-time officers elected. After four days of hard campaigning, over 4,000 votes were cast sealing the fate of the six new sabbatical officers and six part time officer positions. With the results revealed in the packed Venue, the respective current Sabbatical Officers announced the winners of their own positions. Editor of The Courier, George Sandeman announced the winners of the part time positions. The SU crowded basement of the Students’ Union first learned that the new Chair of Student’s Union Council was Thomas Wessely. RAG officers were Jessica Bayley and Emily Lloyd aptly named “RAG Dolls”. Scrutiny Officer was announced as Scott Thomas, Gender Equality Officer named as Rebecca Bates, the new LGBT officer called as Luke Allison and International Officer Jo Hoi Shan. The first Sabbatical position to be announced was Editor of The Courier, which was won by Tom Nicholson. Tom, running unopposed, received the most votes in the first round, of any position, receiving 1361 votes. Tom Nicholson, newly elected Editor of The Courier, expressed his excitement about his new position. “Extremely exciting. The paper has been a central part of my time at New-

castle for two and a half years now, and I intend to carry it on and try and maintain the standards at which George has set this year. It will be a challenge, but hopefully very rewarding, exciting and enjoyable!” When asked for his plans for the next year, Tom responded: “Mainly, I’ll be trying to vindicate the choice of the electorate in showing that I am quite literally better than nothing!” Next to be announced was Welfare and Equality presented by Emily Waller. The position was between three candidates with Olivia Jeffrey being successful, with a landslide victory receiving 820 more votes than her closest opponent Rich Parry. Olivia Jeffrey, Welfare and Equality Officer for 2014-15, said: “I don’t think it has hit me yet. I know that a clichéd thing to say but I just came in casually from the toilets thinking that I hadn’t been called. Then I heard Welfare and Equality Officer called – and it was me! “I’ve loved campaigning alongside everyone, they’ve been so friendly, and honestly I couldn’t have asked for a better group of people to campaign with, all throughout the week we were wishing each other luck. “It was so close but I am so excited to work with the saab team next year.” Education officer followed, which was the most hotly contested position with seven candidates running. The winner was David Morris receiving nearly double the amount of votes of his nearest rival Tom Gordon. Continued on page 4

IN WITH THE NEW: Meet your new Students’ Union sabbatical ofﬁcers. Image: Victoria Armstrong

Diver drives to win another national award By Sabine Kucher Deputy News Editor

Final year Business Management student Natalie Diver was crowned a winner at the National Undergraduate Employability Awards earning her award for Best Student Contribution to a small to medium sized enterprise. The national awards are the only national recognition highlighting undergraduate employability and attract high-profile support by PwC and The Guardian amongst others. Originally from Tynemouth, Natalie

was one of only four finalists for the award alongside fellow Newcas“I was delight- tle student, Alice McLinden. ed to receive Natalie said of such a high achievement: recognition for her “I was absolutely my contribudelighted to retion during my ceive such high recognition for placement.” my contribution during my placement year with Baggers Originals. “I always gave 100% effort and it’s so

rewarding to see that my hard work has paid off, not only in the company, but to be recognised for my achievements.” During her placement year, the 22-year-old helped secure £750,000 in free publicity and aided in gaining a £100,000 investment into the business. Commenting on her time with Baggers Originals she said: “I really enjoyed having the freedom to explore my own ideas and manage my own tasks and I think being involved in this type of work allowed me to develop my theoretical knowledge and put it into practice.”

“I believe that my main business skills include managing tasks efficiently, generating unique ideas and implementing them to completion and having the dive and motivation to always give my best to everything.” Her drive and motivation to succeed have been recognised at numerous occasions bagging the young entrepreneur National Overall Outstanding Student Employee of the Year last year as well as 10 other local, regional and national awards. The many achievements have opened new doors for the serial entrepreneur:

“In my placement year, I was selected by James Caan to be a Student Ambassador of the £112m Start Up Loans Scheme and I was appointed for this role at Buckingham Palace by Lord Young.” Natalie has shared her experiences and knowledge with those who want to follow in her path as the president of the Entrepreneur’s Society and a mentor to other student businesses Graduating this year Natalie is looking to the future: “I have just launched my new blog Orange Champagne and I have big plans to set-up my own business at some point in the future.“

News

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LIGHT MY SABERt Charlie Dearnley get the comic book 411 at Mertro Radio Arena

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COMMENT

9 10 SPORT

POPULARITY CONTEST Do the elections just reward people with more friends?

THE SHOWTIME TRIAL

“If you don’t like something, change it. If you can’t change it, change your attitude” - Maya Angelou

Will this be the most exciting season

36 39

EAT MY BALL Volleyballers smash their way to victory

The Internet celebrated its 25th birthday last Tuesday, the hashtag EarlyInternetMemories has been trending on twitter. Nostalgic tweets include “waiting hours for AOL to load” “Uploading photos overnight” and a favourite, simply “B UUUUURRRRRRR BIBBIIIIIIIIIIIIBIIIIIIIIIIBIIIIII DRRREEEE BBUUUUURRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR NININININIIIII BRRRRR BIPPP”.

Charity Celebrity

Backside battle

Toon treasure Alan Shearer competes against football rival in sports relief challenge this week. The two are battling it out to sit on 42,000 seats each in Wembley stadium. Shearer says he is “bruised but not broken” but adds that “he’d rather play 90 minutes of football any day of the week.”.

Mike Licht

Emily Keen

Bizarre

Hot fuzz

A woman has been sentenced to fourteen weeks in jail after microwaving her kitten. It has been reported the cat was set to ‘defrost’ as punishment for attacking her goldfish. Laura Cuncliffe sentenced her black and white Mowgli to five minutes in the oven after she found the remnants of her fish on the floor.

Is the live coverage either necessary or proper?

FORMULA VROOM

Cyber celebration

Medsin undertake charity sleepover to help the homeless

e h t

Technology

HUMAN PINGU

Wise words:

News Editors: Anna Templeton and James Simpson Deputy News Editor: Sabine Kucher and Emily Keen courier.news@ncl.ac.uk | @TheCourier_News

NEWS

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Monday 17 March 2014

Arthur Chapman (Flickr)

Politics

Environment

Mr Potato Head Water Mess-take

Igor Matovic, the leader of the Ordinary People party in Slovakia has sent an unusual pre election present to the Prime Minister. The donkey, sent carrying a sack of potatoes was apparently given to PM Robert Fico in response to his comment at last years regional elections that even a sack of potatoes could have beaten the far right candidate.

Animals

The river Ouseburn running through Jesmond Dene appears to have turned green and frothy according to dog walkers. It is not yet clear why the sudden change in water colour has occurred. The Environment Agency is investigating the incident of pollution, following reports of a white substance, which apparently entered the water on the evening of the 12th. A spokesman from the agency has said, “We are working with Northumbrian Water to identify the

22lb Pussy riot

A Portland couple have commenced a course of therapy for their twenty two pound pet cat. This comes after the animal reportedly trapped them in their bedroom and scratched their baby. Owner Lee Palmer says the cat “just went over the edge” and he had to barricade his family (including the dog) in the bedroom for safety.

NUSU, King’s Walk, Newcastle upon Tyne, NE1 8QB. Tel: 0191 239 3940

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Outrageous

A schlong shot

An underwear company in Montreal has started offering penis insurance for its male customers. The policy worth $50,000 covers injury or “detachment” and is offered to customers who purchase three of more pairs of UNDZ undergarments. Founder Bernard Dore says “A man can get insurance for his car, dog, house, land and life but not for his penis?” adding that the new policy will “allow men to protect their most important asset”. No female genitalia coverage is currently offered.

Celebrity

Froggy fetish

Ricky Gervais revealed a soft spot for frogs at the LA premier of the muppets last week. Ricky, who plays the evil Dominic Badguy in the movie, said “I’d do anything with a frog. I’d go to war,” he explains. “If you’ve got an evil russian frog next you, you can do anything.”

Money

Seven in heaven

A mobile number has been leased for over two million dollars at auction in Abu Dhabi. The sale included the phone number 777-7777 and a network package of 22,500 minutes, 22,500 texts and 100GB of data each month for two years. The buyer does not, however, own the number that apparently still belongs to the government. The phone regulator’s statement warning that they have the right to change or withdraw the number at any time did not deter the buyer.

Politics

Golf a-gender

George Osborne has been mocked for choosing his golfing buddys for the Bank of Englands Monetary Policy Committee. In response to the lack of women recruited onto the committee it is reported that Labour member Teresa Pearce said, “Until we have true diversity, we have to expect employers will still choose people they play golf with.”

Crime

Taking the biscuit

Dan Perry & Smial(Flickr & WIki)

A man in Texas has been arrested for theft whilst wearing a cookie monster onsie. Matthew Dwayne Coleman, allegedly took rebar piers and hurricane fencing and has been charged with $1,500. No cookies were reportedly stolen.

Editor George Sandeman Deputy Editor Tom Nicholson Web Editor Ben Brown News Editors Anna Templeton and James Simpson Deputy News Editors Sabine Kucher and Emily Keen Comment Editors Lydia Carroll and Joe Wood Deputy Comment Editor Victoria Armstrong Culture Editor Sam Summers Lifestyle Editors Evie O’Sullivan, Elizabeth Archer, Hazel Parnell and Katie Smith Fashion Editors Amy O’Rourke and Frances Stephenson Deputy Fashion Editors Rebekah Finney Beauty Editors Amy Macauley and Saﬁya Ahmed Arts Editors Millie Walton and Charlie Dearnley Deputy Arts Editor Laura Wotton Film Editors Muneeb Haﬁz and Jacob Crompton-Schreiber Music Editors Kate Bennett and Ian Mason TV Editor Beth Durant Deputy TV Editor Helen Daly Science Editor Lizzie Hampson Deputy Science Editors Peter Style and Emad Ahmed Sports Editors Nick Gabriel, Freddie Caldwell and Francesca Fitzsimmons Copy Editors Lucy Davis, Emma Broadhouse and Megan Ayres

nickstone333 (Flickr)

The Courier is printed by: Print and Digital Associates, Fernleigh House, 10 Uttoxeter Road, Derby, Derbyshire, United Kingdom, DE3 0DA. Established in 1948, The Courier is the fully independent student newspaper of the Students’ Union at Newcastle University. The Courier is published weekly during term time, and is free of charge. The design, text, photographs and graphics are copyright of The Courier and its individual contributors. No parts of this newspaper may be reproduced without the prior permission of the Editor. Any views expressed in this newspaper’s opinion pieces are those of the individual writing, and not of The Courier, the Students’ Union or Newcastle University.

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Monday 17 March 2014

Eat, sleep, cave, repeat By David Leighton Newcastle University’s caving society (NUCC) is just one of the hundred plus societies founded and maintained by students currently studying at Newcastle, it is also one of the most hands on. The society runs weekend trips every two weeks to the Yorkshire Dales and day trips when demand is high – with ‘no experience required and all equipment provided’, although members are welcome to use their own. During the 1st & 2nd of February the society participated in a cave-a-thon

we’re faced with the challenges of caving. It brings everyone together to form a tightly-knit group, which is reflected whenever we’re together – be it underground, out on the town, at a caving hut – even simply having a picnic or one of our regular film nights’. One month later, March 1st and I joined the society to get first-hand experience of what it is like to be a member. The mini-bus departed for Yorkshire on the evening, arriving at Clapham. When exploring the local caving systems the club stay at Greenclose House, the headquarters of the Northern Pennine Club, a farmhouse outside the Yorkshire

“The club bonds as we’re faced with the challenges of caving. It brings everyone together” members spent twenty four hours underground in a Yorkshire caving system. The system, Mistral, is part of the three counties system boasting some of the biggest caves in the UK, and was traversed using SRT (single rope technique). This particular exploit raised in excess of £500 for the Cave Rescue Organisation – a volunteer organisation comprising of local cavers, climbers and walkers for the Yorkshire Dales area, established 1935, supported entirely by donations from members of the public. Exploits such as these are part of what Jonathan Searle, Vice-President of the club, explains is ‘[His] favourite aspect of the club, the way the club bonds as

Dales National Park with amenities for all caving needs. The next morning the caving began in earnest. This expedition centred on exploring the local system Gaping Gill, a natural cave situated on the southern slopes of Ingleborough (one of the “Three Peaks” of the Pennines). Gaping Gill has a ninety eight metre pothole, this pothole drops into one of the largest underground chambers in Britain, Gaping Gill also holds the record for having the ‘tallest unbroken waterfall in England’ and the ‘largest underground chamber naturally open to the surface’. With multiple entrances to this system at varying levels of difficulty the society chose to split up, entering via Bar Pot, ‘A

LIGHTS IN THE DARK: A small team of cavers after conquering one of Yorkshire’s ﬁnest caves. Image: Caving club

LONG WAY DOWN: The caving club organise regular trips to some of the countrys most amazing caving hotspots. Images: Louise Anderson

popular entrance into the system as it is one of the easiest and driest’ and ‘Flood Entrance Pot’ an entrance that ‘Was one of the first alternative entrance(s) into the main system to be explored, now a popular entrance into the system’, named “Flood” as it is the driest place to exit if the system begins to flood. For the more casual explorer Bradford Pothole Club and the Craven Pothole Club, around August Bank Holiday, organise a winch above the shaft allowing any fee paying member of the public to hitch a ride to the bottom and back up, entirely risk free. However, Gaping Gill was not always this easy to traverse, first attempts to descend were unsuccessful, the closest being by John Birkbeck in 1842, ‘reaching a ledge approximately 55 metres down the shaft, now bearing his name’. The first descent to be completed in its entirety was made by Edouard-Alfred Martel in 1895. Furthermore in 1983 members of ‘Cave Diving Group’ made an underwater connection between Gaping Gill and Ingleborough Cave whilst on an exploratory expedition. Gaping Gill is also open for rock-climbers with an ‘Extreme rock-climb (being) possible up the main shaft, though it requires very dry conditions – The first free ascent was made in 1988’. On joining the society and what got her hooked club president, Louise Anderson, had this to say: ‘I joined the club in first year during the fresher’s fair and I signed up simply because I didn’t know what it was. I have since been lucky enough to visit some truly beautiful and unique places with a brilliant group of people. Caving gives you a chance to challenge yourself on a quite personal level, whilst at the same time learning to trust the other members of your group completely as you explore a completely different environment.’

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Uni medics benefit from sporting By Adam Martin The Newcastle University Sport and Exercise Medicine Society (NSEMS) hosted an informative musculoskeletal master class at the medical school last week. The event, which took place in the clinical skills centre, and was attended by 36 medicine students, consisted of six 15-minute practical sessions from sport and exercise medicine specialists. Amongst the experts were the Sunderland AFC physiotherapy team, from This potentially doctors Newcastle United devastating FC and local docissue was tors from the rugbrought to light by team, GatesThunder. A in 2003, when head heart specialist Manchester who has worked City and Came- with the Football was roon footballer Association also in attendMarc-Vivien Foe ance. Sunderland died on pitch AFC physios, Craig Tears and Peter Brand gave a practical class on knee injuries, a common occurrence in football. The pair demonstrated the methods behind how to spot certain types of injury. They also emphasised that older footballers have to be managed differently to younger players, due to an increased likelihood of injuries later in their careers. After

being invited to the event by former intern and NSEMS president, David Eastwood, Sunderland head physio Peter Brand said he was delighted to be at the event. Speaking to The Courier, Peter said: “David came and worked with one of our doctors, and spent time with physios and coaching staff. When he was there, he did a couple of projects which helped us. He got in touch with us, and I think from the football club’s point of view, it’s always good to help out in any way we can.” Brand was also asked whether or not the March 2012 Fabrice Muamba incident had changed any aspects of his profession. Muamba, playing for Bolton Wanderers, suffered a cardiac arrest on the pitch during an FA Cup tie against Tottenham Hotspur. He disagreed, stating: “no, I don’t think so because from both our football club’s point of view, and also the Premier League and the FA, everything was in place before the incident. The good structures that were in place obviously helped him, and it was a successful outcome.” Injury and disaster prevention were both key themes of the workshops. Heart specialist, Dr Antoinette Kenny delivered a fascinating presentation about the prevention of sudden cardiac death in sport. This potentially devastating issue was brought to light in 2003, when Manchester City and Cameroon footballer, Marc-Vivien Foé sadly died from the condition on the pitch, whilst playing for his international team. The

HEALING HANDS: Experienced professionals gave tips to Toon up-and-comers. Images: NSEMS

“It’s absolutely amazing. I’ve put everything into this from my heart and soul although I’ve probably lost my heart and soul tonight!” Continued from front page The newly elected Education Officer, David Morris, told The Courier: “I feel like everything is absolutely surreal, I don’t know what’s going on. I am so confused and it hasn’t sunk in. It makes it all worth it being aware of all the friends that have supported you and just making them proud. They put the hard work in and they deserve it.” Activities Officer was the closest election race with the final result coming down to only 15 votes. Amy Macauley reigned victorious over her rival Yasmin Smith to take the position into 2015. Amy Macauley, new Welfare and Equality officer, said: “It hasn’t sunk in yet, I can’t believe it! It feels absolutely amazing. Next year will be the best ever. Next year, I’m going to credit all students with the ncl+ awards, make them bigger and better than ever, as well as loads of other great things to benefit students.” Athletic Union Officer was “the most important position” according to current Officer Katie Rimmer who announced Caleb Jones as the new AU Officer Caleb managed to clock up nearly 7,000 hits on his campaign video on YouTube and beat his closest competitor Simon Miles by just under 500 votes. Caleb Jones, the new Athletics Officer, responded to his victory, saying: “It’s

absolutely amazing mate, I’ve put everything to this from my heart and soul - although I’ve probably lost my heart and soul tonight!” When asked about his campaign video, Caleb said how he had been working in the library and “Odetta’s Hit or Miss came on shuffle and I thought wait a minute, we’ve got a week left - I thought I gotta get the speedos out!” Current President Calum Mackenzie finally presented the newly elected president of the Students’ Union, “It’s absolutely saying: “I think you’ll unreal. Thank actually find President is you to everyone the most important position.” who helped the race out. I am ready Again was close with for the next just over 200 year to come. I votes in it. President didn’t honestly ofNew the Students’ think I would Union for 20141015, Claire win” Boothman said: “It’s absolutely unreal. Thank you to everyone who voted and everyone who helped out. I am ready for the next year to come. I didn’t honestly think I would win, so I put it behind me, looked at some more graduate jobs and started on my dissertation. But now… that’s gone out of the window!”

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Monday 17 March 2014

specialists and physiotherapist visit specialist reiterated that whilst the issue is uncommon (it affects about 1 in 45,000 people), it needs to be detected early - Kenny works on a screening programme for the condition at the Football Association. Elsewhere at the event, Dr Robert Middleburgh, a Newcastle University medicine graduate gave a further practical knee-related session. Additionally, Dr Ian Blain from local rugby league club, Gateshead Thunder gave a lesson in ‘on the field’ management, which involved himself and the students acting out a serious injury scenario. Dr Paul Catterson, a doctor from Newcastle United FC showcased a ‘portable ultrasound machine’ and gave students the chance to use the equipment. A lesson on injury taping was also taught. President of the Newcastle Sport and Exercise Medicine Society and event organizer, David Eastwood was keen to emphasise the importance of sport and exercise medicine as a discipline. He told The Courier: “ The faculty of sport and exercise medicine is very new. It came about when the London 2012 Olympic games were announced.” “There are very limited opportunities for undergraduates to get experience in sport and exercise medicine. As a specialty, not only does it include acute medicine for football and rugby teams, but it also introduces exercise to patients with chronic diseases such as diabetes. Exercise reduces your risk of cancers and improves your cardio-

vascular performance.” “It’s a medication that I think is quite overlooked, and there’s very little teaching of exercise as medicine within the University.” “I’ve got the society going, and we’ve had a great range of guest speakers in, including the medical director of the Great North Run, and an ex Newcastle Falcons doctor.” Eastwood was pleased with this particular event, stating: “it’s really good - we’ve got a good turnout here today, and there’s obviously some enthusiasm behind it.” Medicine students in attendance appeared to be enjoying themselves and were happy to get involved with the practical sessions. Second year medicine student, Hadyn Everson told The Courier: “It’s really cool. It’s helping out with exams and has been quite interesting. It’s quite relaxed.” When asked what he had enjoyed most about the day, he replied: “the ultrasound was really cool. We liked how it made anatomy make sense.” The three-hour master class ended with a round of applause for the specialists, and each attendee being presented with a certificate.

Want to get involved in NSEMS?

david.eastwood@ncl.ac.uk www.facebook.com/nsems1

Students brave chilly sleepover Newcastle University’s Homed society, a branch of Newcastle’s Medsin society, recently organised and undertook a sleepout in order to raise funds and awareness for the YMCA charity for the homeless. On Saturday 1st March twenty-one members camped out in sleeping bags on the grass outside Northern Stage. The sleepout lasted for twelve hours, commencing at 6pm and lasting until 6am. Father Allen, a member of the YMCA board of trustees also joined the students. Beth Wilson, a member of Homed so-

directly to the Newcastle branch of YMCA, specifically the Newcastle YMCA Byker Neighbourhood Youth Project. Their website says that the scheme “works with young people aged between 16- 25 years to support vulnerable and disadvantaged young people who are either homeless or at risk of becoming homeless. Newcastle YMCA have a team of youth workers who are always available to give one to one crisis support [and] we will tailor the support to each individual’s needs through crisis intervention work.” Beth speaks about the experience and the conditions they faced: “The night was quite wet and windy which I suppose contributed to a more authentic

ciety and organiser of the event spoke to The Courier about the motives of the sleepout: “The aim was to raise money for the Newcastle branch of the YMCA and promote awareness of youth homelessness.’’ The initiative was part of YMCA’s wider Sleep Easy scheme. The scheme’s intention is to spend a night sleeping in rough conditions in order to highlight the issue of youth homelessness. Also, to raise funds that will support the work of YMCA which is the largest and oldest youth charity in the world. YMCA works to aid the 75,000 young homeless people in England by providing them with safe accommodation and support. The charity provides shelter for 10,000 young people per night. The money Homed raised will go

experience. For one night it wasn’t too bad although we were all glad to be back in our beds when we’d packed up – a reminder of a luxury not all people have.’’ “We played games to keep warm, did a quiz, the YMCA did a soup run for us and some of their youth-workers came down to speak to us to share some of the fantastic work they do - it was great to see that the money is going to such a fantastic cause!” Beth also told The Courier that the response from the general public was incredibly positive: “In general passers-by were very supportive and interested in what we were doing. A few people even wanted to join us. People were very generous.’’ Homed has so far raised a total of £1300 as a result of the sleepout.

By Kate Dewey

“Passers-by were very supportive and interested A few people even wanted to join us”

BRASS MONKEYS: Volunteers spent all night in front of the SU building for charity. Image: MEDSIN

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Experts suggest cash for quitting smoking By Sima Nikolaeva A recent study from Newcastle University academics reveals that people are more likely to leave off bad habits for the sake of financial rewards. The team examined 16 previous pieces of research, which implied various financial incentives such as small amounts of cash, supermarket vouchers or entry into a lottery. This time more than 30,000 participants were involved and encouraged to quit smoking or take up other healthy behaviours, what has made Newcastle team’s study the greatest investigation of incentives effect ever carried out. Newcastle University Research Associate, Dr Emma Giles, lead author of the study, said: “This was an interesting finding and we were surprised at just how strong the effect was.“ In the paper, published in the journal PLOS ONE, the team found that even small incentives of as little as £3 could make people up to 50 percent more likely to change their behaviour, when compared with usual care or no intervention. It is not yet clear, which amount of money is meant to be the most effective. However, the study organised by Fuse (The Centre for Translational Research in Public Health) and funded by the National Institute of Health Research showed that larger incentives were no more likely to inspire people than smaller ones. Financial penalties scheme also seemed to be working. In that case participants had to hand over a certain

amount of money and would then get that back if only they fulfilled the stated requirements. Dr Giles also underlined an importance of scheme’s positive impact on people’s well-being as well as necessity to consolidate a successful experience. People who took part in these reward or penalty schemes were much more likely to adopt healthy behaviours, and if they continued they would have more chance of remaining healthy for longer.“However, there are still some arising questions, which need a further investigation to be done. For instance, it is not clear at the moment whether the effect works after “the team the rewards have stopped or not so found that that it could be even small applied for a long incentives as term. Ailsa Rutter, little as £3 director of The could work” North East antismoking group “Fresh“, said: “There is some evidence that incentives can work with some very targeted audiences and we keep an open mind. The most important thing though is that all healthcare professionals are stressing to their patients the important messages on smoking, which is still our biggest killer.” Experts say more work needs to be done to calculate whether any implementation of the technique as a policy would help NHS, which spends £9.4 billon annually on resolving people’s problems caused by smoking and obesity.

LIGHT IT UP: Over 30,000 participants took part in the university’s research. Image: DucDigital

The Courier

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Monday 17 March 2014

Interfaith understanding at Discover Islam Ever wanted to get a henna tattoo, try a colourful hijab on, taste some amazing delicacies from the other side of the world, or see what your name would look like in Arabic calligraphy? All of this and much more was on the agenda for the Islamic Society’s annual Discover Islam Week. The event ran between 10-14th March. The society’s volunteers were based outside every day between 9am and 6pm, and visitors were eager to explore the various opportunities on offer in the stalls. The Islamic Society’s president, Abdulaziz Al-Shareedah, told The Courier

also to prove the bias surrounding Islam is completely unjustified. Every day offered short thirty-minute presentation/talks on the nature of Islam, Islam vs. terrorism, women in Islam and many more. The setting of the marquee was also impressive, with various stands representing the Muslim home. One of the highlights of the week was the hijab challenge – simple enough to be wonderfully insightful. Every woman who wanted to see the world from a different perspective tried wearing a hijab for a day on Wednesday. The challenge was open to everyone and ended with an open forum on Wednesday evening where participants shared their experiences.

that the main purpose of the event is to raise awareness and promote the beauty of the enigma that is Islam culture. He also pointed out that one of Discover Islam Week’s main goals is to permanently erase the prejudice surrounding Islam and generate friendly dialogue, celebrating diversity and embracing multiculturalism. The marquee offered free literature and information stands, as well as a quiz board for everything Islam-related, which not only served to help visitors test their newly acquired knowledge but

The Islamic Society won the Ncl+ award for Best Society in 2013. It is one of the longest lasting societies, existing since the 70s, promoting unity and Muslim student welfare. Discover Islam Week is just one of the many other events organised by the society all through the year. Among these regular lectures, outreach events, Islamic classes and social and sports activities. The Islamic society also maintains all facilities that cater to the needs of Muslim students on campus.

By Antonia Velikova

“One of Discover Islam Week’s main goals is to permanently erase the prejudice surrounding Islam and generate friendly dialogue”

HARMONY: The Islamic Society’s message was one of cultural understanding. Image: Esmaeil Alansari

Film and Comic Con strikes back By Charlie Dearnley

USE THE FORCE: . Image: Luke Daley

On the 8-9 of March, Newcastle’s Metro Radio Arena was taken over by swarms of aliens, superheroes, and fantastical beings as part of Newcastle’s Film and Comic Con 2014. An event of unexpected popularity. Crowds of film, comic and sports fans descended upon the huge venue, with the chance of meeting some of the events’ star-studded guests. Amidst the group of over 30 celebrities were: John Rhys Davies (Gimli,) the seventh and There was eighth Doctors also a group of - Sylvester McCoy and Paul McStorm Troopand Carl ers and Ghost Gann, Weathers, whom Busters “danc- many will recoging to AD/DC’s nize from his role as Dillon in the Highway to original Predator. Hell” Astrophysics student Louise, who donned 8ft gold wings, a black frock and tall head dress, said: “Goddess Isis was only mentioned in the series so this is my take on how she would have looked. “I sometimes dress up as Wonder Woman, zombies, pirates and characters from Warhammer 40K. I like dressing up and doing make-up art. Today is great fun.” One convention participant on the Sunday, Daniel O’Brien, recalled John Rhys Davies’ Sunday Q&A as a highlight of the show, alongside posing for a photograph on the Game of Thrones Iron Throne. This in particular being something Daniel had “set out looking to do,

and it came out looking great!” The event, still only in its first year, boasted an unforeseen popularity. Though this resulted in many people being forced to queue for hours prior to entry. Upon Daniel’s arrival “the queue had… snaked all the way to the very back end car park.” Although his queue time was roughly one hour, he stated that, “hearsay from other queuers was that the Saturday visitors had it a bit worse with up to 3-4 hrs waiting.” Despite this unexpected influx of visitors, Daniel’s experience was still incredibly agreeable as he recounts that it was “very ordered and organized, and they were generally pleasant and understanding, desiring to process people promptly.” The queues were at least kept entertaining through costumed individuals. Comic cons are famed for extravagant outfits, and the Newcastle event was no exception. Daniel recollects a “Judge Dredd Judge prowling the queue outside at the start of the day.” There was also a group of Storm Troopers and Ghost Busters “dancing to AC/DC Highway to Hell.” Andrea Swinsco, 43, who originates from Lemington, Newcastle, is a director with Showmaster which puts on the shows. She said: “We have been running these events for many years, mainly in the Midlands and down south but we have been wanting to expand up into the North. Newcastle was the first on my list.” The convention was an undeniable success, if going on the unprecedented number of attendees alone. And although these numbers resulted in an undesirable amount of queuing, it was met with responsive care and organisation.

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NEWS STACK

White boards contra racism

SPEAK OUT: Students at the ‘I Need Feminism’ event last week. Image: NUSU Welfare and Equality

Job Title: E-marketing officer Employer: Engineered Solutions Closing date: 23/03/2014 Salary: £2400 bursary Basic job description: Developing digital footprint – email marketing, social media campaigns, e-commerce and advertising opportunities, as part of the general marketing plan. Actively promoting competitions and other interactive aspects of the website to subscribers and other business owners. Developing a digital dashboard of KPIs for the activity in question and suggesting improvements. Person requirements: The ideal candidate will have previous marketing experience with an emphasis on e-marketing. You will also have knowledge of website construction and editing capabilities. You must be proficient in the use of social media for business along with the skills and knowledge to drive traffic to a website. Location: Home, with regular visits to Northumberland Office. Job Title: Web Developer Employer: Venture Compliance Closing date: 23/03/2014 Salary: £2400 bursary Basic job description: We are seeking an individual to design and develop the online presence of the business, including a website and social media. The website, as the primary ‘shop window’ of the business, needs to be both contemporary and functional. Future development of the site may include a client portal function to retrieve and upload data. Person requirements: We require an able student who is capable of developing a professional website, including both the programming and artistic appearance of the site. No degree preferences but must be a competent programmer with experience of web development. App development skills would be an advantage but not necessary. Location: Newcastle upon Tyne. Job Title: Communications Assistant Employer: Nova International Closing date: 23/03/2014 Salary: £2400 bursary Basic job description: Person requirements: The ideal candidate should have a strong interest in sport and sporting events. You must be a very creative person with excellent attention to detail and a professional attitude to work. A strong team player, you will be required to travel occasionally to locations across the

UK to assist with local PR. Location: Newcastle upon Tyne. Job Title: Assistant Mechanical Design Engineer Employer: Newcastle University Closing date: 23/03/2013 Salary: £2400 bursary Basic job description: You will work alongside Mechanical Engineers supporting existing projects where design and stress analysis activity is required. The work performed will involve the use of standard CAD packages as well as more specialised gear design software and will involve overseeing the manufacture of components and fitting to test facilities. Person requirements: The ideal candidate for this position is a current 2nd or 3rd year Mechanical Engineering student, however all applications will be considered based on experience. You should have an interest in power transmissions and have experience in using CAD packages e.g. Inventor. Location: Newcastle University. Job Title: Web Developer Employer: Newcastle University Closing date: 23/03/2014 Salary: £600 bursary Basic job description: In order to promote peer learning and collaborative working, there is a need for a searchable and sortable platform that allows students to store and access their multimedia files e.g. video, audio, interactive PDF. This platform should fulfill the functions of teaching, learning and research in the long term. We’d like you to help build a platform that has intuitive UI for data upload/download, searching, sorting and file streaming. Person requirements: We are seeking a student with strong web development and programming skills: preferably familiar with MySQL, CSS, HTML, JavaScript and PHP. Location: Newcastle University. Job Title: Customer Service Advisor Part Time Employer: AA Closing date: 06/04/2014 Salary: £7.90 per hour Basic job description: We are currently recruiting for part time staff to work in our Member Retention Section. The department is often the first point of contact for most members who have a query regarding their membership; they may want to do something as simple as change their name and/or address, upgrade their existing

package or make a complaint. Person requirements: Looking for a career that you can fit around your study commitments? Are you a determined person who loves to have goals to achieve? Do you find it easy to engage others and build rapport? If yes, then why not apply for a job with the AA! Location: Newcastle upon Tyne Job Title: Health Care Assistant Employer: Care Visions at home Closing date: 30/03/2014 Salary: £7.25- £9.15 per hour Basic job description: Qualified Health Care Assistants are required to provide care in people’s own homes. Person requirements: Essential - Driver with access to a car and hold a QCF Level 1 or above. Contracts are on a zero hours basis and the induction period can be fitted in across the Easter vacation period. Location: Newcastle, Durham, Northumberland, North and South Tyneside. Job Title: Product Photography Asssistant Employer: Toffs Ltd Closing date: 23/03/2013 Salary: National Minimum Wage Basic job description: We are currently looking for a Product Photography Assistant for 1-2 days work. In this role you will help set up an in-house product photography studio for both flat and mannequin style shots as well as setting up the Camera. You will be responsible for photographing a batch of shirts for our website. Person requirements: Knowledge of photography and lighting equipment and a basic knowledge of Photoshop is required. Location: Gateshead. Job Title: Social Brand Representative Employer: Pads for students Closing date: 24/03/2014 Salary: £7.00 Per hour Basic job description: We are looking for enthusiastic sociable students to join our team and represent our brand when they are out doing what they enjoy, mingling with other students. The role entails engaging students with our marketing materials, letting them know what we are about and what we do for students on our accommodation search engine, encouraging them to register and use our website to find their perfect student home. Person requirements: Enthusiasm and ability to pitch our products to students. Location: Campus wide.

Last week Oxford University students of colour shared their experiences of being ‘othered’ as part of the campaign ‘I, too, am Oxford’. This campaign was motivated by a recent similar campaign held at Harvard University. Approximately 70 current Oxford students posed for p h ot o g r ap hs holding a whiteboard with examples of racism they have experienced, for instance: “as seen in your prospectus”, “why do you speak such good English” and “my voice is NOT the voice of all black peo-

ple”. A website set up in aid of the project points out that “students in their daily encounters in Oxford are made to feel different and othered from the Oxford community” and that “there remain “issues to be discussed” in reference to the 2011 report by the NUS which found that 1 in 6 black students had experienced racism in their time at university. Oxford University responded to the project by saying that they remained committed to listening to all their students and ensuring an inclusive experience.

‘Best of British’ drop in tables British universities are falling in global rankings according to the Times Higher Education World Reputation Rankings. Oxford University and Cambridge University have sunk to fourth and fifth respectively whilst American universities occupy the top positions, namely Harvard, MIT and Stanford. British universities fill only 10 of the top 100 places and the Universities of Sheffield, Leeds and Bristol have all fallen out of these rankings over the last three years. By contrast, United States universities are on the rise and now occupy over half of the places

on the Times Higher Education Rankings. Sally Hunt, General Secretary of the University & College Union, has commented that this represents complacence and a general downwards slide for British higher education. Cambridge University observed that this information demonstrates that Cambridge remains in a small group of elite institutions. A Bristol University representative echoed this, stating, “league tables provide a partial view”. Phil Baty, the rankings’ editor, disagreed: “The UK has some of the world’s biggest university brands: we must protect them.”

Page three tabloids taboo Nottingham University Student Union have banned page 3 tabloids from their Student Union shop following a vote last week. The Sun and The Daily Star will no longer be stocked in the Students’ Union’s shop. The decision has been criticised by their student paper, Impact, as a “stitch-up” with the Comment Editor, Robert Smith, commenting on the decision as displaying “the very worst side of student politics: undemocratic, unrepresentative, unaccountable, insular

and cliquey”. However, several SU officers including the Equal Opportunities & Welfare Officer, Mike Dore, reportedly backed the vote and stated that their vote to remove such publications reflected the feelings of those students they represent. President Ellie McWilliam tweeted during this motion “#democracyatwork”. Suggestions of a referendum to garner student opinion on the matter were disregarded. Several students in attendance at the discussion and subsequent vote called that a glaring lack of democracy.

Images: I, too, am Oxford, ReeSaunders, Gene Hunt

Victoria Armstrong

The Courier

Monday 17 March 2014

Comment thecourieronline.co.uk/comment

Comment Editors: Joe Wood and Lydia Carroll Deputy Comment Editor: Victoria Armstrong courier.comment@ncl.ac.uk | @Courier_Comment

NUSU: Electile dysfunction?

In the wake of last week’s NUSU elections for the sabbatical officer positions and the onslaught of posters, flyers and general campaigning, we consider: Do these elections actually represent who students want?

I’m all up for fair elections and for having my voice heard. However, I still think the whole election campaigns thing is going overboard. There are sheets with words on them all over campus (and, to be fair, they’re often so disfigured by the wind that I can’t read what they say), there are people with weird onesies/T-shirts pushing flyers in my hands, and putting posters up and while I’ve been there myself, there are some good campaigns, but there are others who can put me off from voting altogether. It’s not often the person that shouts the loudest and jumps the highest that makes an impression. Be subtle and affect me on a deeper level with your election campaigns, convince me that I have to vote for you without actually telling me that I have to vote for you. That will work much better than crowding me up while I’m in a hurry for my lecture so that I have to pick up my “I’ve already voted, sorry” shield. Stay classy.

From what I have been told the turnout rate to these elections has been quite low historically which is good evidence, but the question is for what? After having seen some of the pop culture heavy posters it just seems to me that maybe students simply have the perception that these elections are not to be taken seriously. When in reality, they most certainly are because these people’s decisions affect our student lives and for most of them it is a full time paying job they are running for. Now I totally get that if all the candidates were in suits and dresses we’d feel as disconnected as we do every time we see David Cameron in reflective overalls and a hard hat. However I think that maybe when we see banners with spray paint writing on them and people wearing bright coloured shirts it isn’t the right way to promote good, honest intentions. Lewis Barclay

Antonia Velikova

Mark Sleighthome

‘Is popularity such a bad reason to be elected?’

YES

‘I simply could not give a shit about the student elections’

Many argue that the SU elections for sabbatical officer are merely a popularity contest, and, to be honest, it’s hard to refute these

accusations. In my experience, the majority of votes are cast based on ties to a society or course or social group from which a person is running. Nonetheless, this does not demerit the value of having democratic elections in the Union… after all, is popularity such a bad reason to be elected? Being known and liked by many is a good indicator for a sabbatical position where approachability and confidence is key. And whilst many candidates focus on general campaigning via videos, flyering and keeping a presence around campus, manifestos often do feature prominently in the media. Even in the cases where they are not, these people are still displaying enthusiasm and dedication, not to mention using it as an opportunity to showcase their personalities. Ultimately, as the officers will spend vast quantities of time dealing with those who have voted them in, it is a positive thing that they are popular. Victoria Armstrong

YES

Campus is covered in campaign posters and I can’t walk anywhere without being given about fifty million leaflets for different candidates. As annoying as this is, there is an exciting atmosphere and lots of energy around the university. I think that the campaigns are imaginative and obviously a lot of thought has gone into them, and rightly so, since these elections are important and will affect students next year. Even though a few close friends of the candidates will probably vote for them, to say that every single person they know will automatically vote for them would be a massive exaggeration. As easy as voting may be, not that many people bother to do it. Most of those that vote actually care about the future of NUSU. And if that’s not enough, the AV system means that unless somebody was friends with all the candidates they could still rank others on merit. The elections are won through good ideas and campaigning, not popularity.

The NUSU elections, like many student-oriented elections around the country, portray an abject turnout year on year, which is ridiculed even more by the fact that all possible stops are pulled out to increase it, and even a fractional increase is viewed as an achievement. We students are flaunted with campaign teams approaching us whilst we go about campus, distributing cakes as bribes and practically telling us to vote for their candidate. The NUSU turnouts may say something for what the contest actually represents under the flamboyant boast of another facet of democracy in our University. It’s safe to say that underneath the surface, the NUSU elections are little more than a cliquish popularity contest, as it rings truth that the vast majority of all SU officers throughout the years, have had firm ground in societies and connections in their early years that they can rely on for support later on. Aaron Hedjazi

I can only talk for myself, but I simply couldn’t give a shit about student elections. Even the vague promises about greater representation or equality didn’t seem to matter. A lot of the appeal seemed to be invested in the hilarity or creativity of the campaigns, whether it be a man walking topless through Northumberland Street or an X-Factor style dance video. I even saw one desperate fellow trying to bribe people with sweets outside the union to grab a few extra points in the ballot box. Of course I don’t blame any of the candidates, because that’s the way it is, it’s not a serious referendum and no one I know of thinks otherwise – lovability is everything. I know that if I could have been bothered to vote for anything, it would have gone straight to the man who came to my flat and handed out the witty Pink Floyd beer mats. Having said that, I don’t mean to sound like I’m pissing on the candidate’s bonfire and I wish them all the best of luck, because I can understand how enjoyable an experience a year out on a sabbatical would be. Matthew Cordon

THE VERDICT: NO Image: polarpaul

It would seem that overall the general opinion is as low as you would expect on elections with such a small turnout. Most feel that these elections are an effort in producing pop culture themed media and attempting to coerce acquaintances into voting for you, whilst the candidates neglect to try and sell themselves by virtue of their mandates. Only Mark and Victoria felt these elections had any merit with the remainder swaying between disdain and

Image: rikkis_refuge @ﬂickr

10.comment

SOAP BOX

Monday 17 March 2014

The Courier

The great showtime trial

DOUCHEBAGS I’m going to say this, and I’m going to say it once and only once – if you’re rude to people who work in customer service, I hate you. I hate your guts. It’s not even just retail I’m talking about – if someone stops you in the street, or calls you up, or approaches you in any way and offers you to do whatever, you don’t start shouting abuse at them just because your metaphorical toe has been sore all day and now they’ve accidentally stepped on it. If you haven’t worked in customer service yourself (and chances are you haven’t, if you’re being like this), you have no idea how emotionally exhausting it is to keep the polite mask on for hours and hours and give time and attention to every single person. And we’re not talking just face-to-face interaction here. Talking to people you don’t know and, even more, asking them to buy things from you, is, psychologically strenuous enough. Don’t make it harder and more awkward by being a douchebag. Antonia Velikova

DAILY MAIL Now just wait a minute. Before you glance over this article as just another banal “I Hate the Daily Fail!” leftist splurge - just give me a chance… Now there is no denying that the Daily Mail is notorious for its frequent harassment of individuals, campaigns of hate directed at various minorities, and willfully deceiving and lying to its readers. That’s fair enough. But I really can’t be doing with the people who constantly moan about the paper, and then secretly visit its website for the latest mix of Kardashian goss and controversial comments a couple of times a day. If you hate the Daily Mail as much as you say, impose a personal boycott and stop reading the publication all together. But I bet I catch you 2 hours later flicking through MailOnline in an extra boring Friday afternoon lecture! (The above article is also applicable to those who simultaneously avidly read and moan about The Tab, VICE, BuzzFeed et al.) Calum Redhead

YOUTHS Let me set the scene... It’s a beautiful day at exhibition skate park: the sun is out, the slippy sludge of foliage has gone, and smiles are broad as a pleasantly fruity smoke drifts through the air from some mellowed onlookers. The chilled aura is shattered by a shout. A vulgar remark. Abuse. A small child has seen something that he feels the need to verbally attack, be it through naïve racism, homophobia or generic ignorant slack-jawed hatred. This child isn’t really a bad kid, he’s just trying to impress the bigger kids that tease him. He can’t fight back so unleashes his dissatisfaction with his own inferiority in the hierarchy of the skate park upon innocent passers by. Dude, if you want to be taken seriously don’t ride a scooter… or at least actually attempt to ride it rather than standing in the way and treating everyone’s ears as toilets. Social ignorance leading to racial and sexual prejudice is a serious issue in youth culture, and is brought to bear in the light of day at the skate park. Until this changes, it’s iPod in, Hip Hop on, and try not to bump into the abusive 3ft of disrespect. Charlie Dearnley

Image: SkyNews

The trial of Oscar Pistorius for the murder of girlfriend Reeva Steenkamp has caused a media storm and raised questions over the ethics and decency of presenting troubling events on live television

Victoria Kaye

here is so much controversy surrounding the Pistorious trial, but almost bizarrely, the fact that it’s televised seems to be one of the least contentious aspects. The reason for the trials not being broadcasted in the UK is due to the fact that we have a trial by jury system; due to this there is a strong danger that adverse media publicity could affect the jury’s decision - making a fair trial impossible. In South Africa, however, the verdict is decided by a single judge, as this individual is highly trained and fully aware of the law it is unlikely that they will be affected by the media coverage of the trial. I can see why the decision has been made to live broadcast parts of this trial; South Africa spends a lot of time trying to overcome accusations of corruption. Particularly with their policing and prosecution services, and televising the trial is a great way of proving that there is no miscarriage of justice.

So, pragmatically speaking, it’s a smart move. But ethically, it feels a bit icky. Whether Reeva Steenkamp’s death was an accident or homicide makes no difference to the devastation it has caused to her family and friends. There is a real possibility that turning the ruling of her death into a media circus

“Those who knew Reeva have already suffered enough” could make their sense of loss a whole lot worse. Thankfully, both Judge Thokozile Masipa and the Pathologist, Professor Saayman, seem hugely aware of this. As such they recently banned the pathology report from being broadcast and all forms of live media coverage. This included tweeting and blogging on the grounds that it was ‘against the morals of society’

SPICY HOT NEWS

Miliband’s hot pant delight

‘Red Alert’ on selfie sensation

d Miliband goes public with the Labour party’s new look who says it hopes it ‘‘will reignite interest in our policies’.’ In order to achieve his desired look, the hopeful politician has taken to wearing hot pants alongside fellow Labour MP and, in his own words, ‘‘international sex icon’’ Ed Balls. The pair of Eds have determinedly been getting across the country to show off their new trend. SHN’s Rebecca Looks has described the move as ‘‘a cheap ploy to re-brand the party. They’ve forgotten about policy and it seems their hot pants have gotten to their heads’’.

Images: freefrenchpunk, Gnu2000, Pete Souza

and may ‘harm the rights’ of the friends and family of the deceased. Does all this make it okay to watch the trial though? Especially if it’s helping to prove a point about South Africa’s justice system and the appropriateness of broadcasting each phase of the trial is carefully scrutinised and the welfare of all those involved is being considered. Well, it’s hard to decide. Forgetting the televised parts of the trial, the onslaught of media coverage is so invasive that the ‘big brother’ argument seems scarcely relevant when little journalist can just tweet from the courtroom when trial is in session. So watching the trial is probably the best way to understand the proceedings and to get the best and least biased overview of the evidence. As inappropriate as it feels, it does eschew any accusations of miscarriage of justice and it may even have the effect of taking media pressure off of the families. The public are likely to be more interested in the drama inside the courtroom than a mourning relative in berated by the press in a coffee shop. If that is the effect broadcasting the trial has, then that can be no bad thing; all of those who knew Reeva have surely suffered enough already.

T [Advertising promo] Obama’s cool guy sheen

Ever wonder what it would be like to be cool? Well now your dreams can become a smooth reality. Introducing the all new ‘Obama Spray’. With just a simple squirt and a guaranteed 24 hour lasting effect you can say what you want, do what you like, and everyone will still love you. Fancy dropping a few drone strikes on a work colleague or the Yemen or your mother-in-law? Never fear, with ‘Obama Spray’ you can do all this and still seem like a sound egg! Get it today at all major retailers. Get it today and become cool. Disclaimer: don’t apply if pregnant or Bill O’Reily.

he UN has issued a level 9 warning on the spread of the selfie virus. A recent study by the World Health Organisation has shown the ‘‘plague has spread across the majority of the industrialised world’’. Lead SHN reporter Rupert MacHackphone explained symptoms include ‘‘extreme narcissism’’ and ‘‘as we’ve already seen with Kim Kardashian severely photoshopped bodies’’. The official UN statement explains: ‘‘We knew that the disease had already spread among the Kardashian family, but now it seems to have become contagious.’’ In response, $7 trillion dollars has been raised to combat the spread of the virus. Piers Fitzfullofshit said ‘‘it is feared that if the disease continues to spread large swathes of the world will morph into similarly lifeless, uninteresting and unnatural people, eventually leading to the collapse of Western Civilisation as we know it’’. In other news: Russia performs war drills around the Ukraine border, 21 million people still remain in slavery, etc. Joe Wood

The Courier

comment.11 comment

Monday 17 March 2014

The

Questions over Question Time

Voice of

Prime Minister’s Question Time is a time-honoured tradition but it’s format has been the subject of criticism, with accusations of ‘yobbery’ and ‘twittishness’, so is it time for an update?

Al Bell

s there a ‘correct’ way to conduct political debate? Last year, Speaker of the House of Commons, John Bercow, referred to MPs’ behaviour during Prime Minister’s Questions as “yobbery and public school twittishness”. Bercow went on to address, in a letter, the leaders of the main political parties regarding the ‘Punch-and-Judy’ nature of PMQs. So, what should we demand from this weekly half-hour grilling? The debate surrounding PMQs has, ironically, become rather Punch-and-Judy-ish itself, and there are many factors to consider besides whether its rowdiness is positive or detrimental. The two important questions are: is there the right type of disagreement? And is there enough of it? A report published last month by the Hansard Society found that a majority of the public were “deeply dissatisfied” with the culture of PMQs. It is understandable that those who chance upon one session would (wrongly) assume that government always operates this way. Yet few would deny that genuine disagreement is fundamental to a healthy democracy - countries like North Korea show us why. Disagreement is symptomatic of free choice. In this respect, PMQs symbolises an open society. There is a fine-line to be trodden here: often the

openness of PMQs risks it collapsing into insults and political point-scoring. Whilst such political theatre is highly watchable, there are ways in which it can remain entertaining but engage in serious debate.

“Part of Question Time’s appeal is it’s theatricality” The Parliamentary Code of Conduct already outlines “unparliamentary language” – “you guttersnipe!” – but there is little deterrent if an MP’s only punishment is to retract and replace a statement. The Hansard report rightly recommends that greater powers should be given to the Speaker, such as being able to sin-bin misbehaving MPs. The most important aspect of PMQs is direct scrutiny of our Prime Minister. This is a format few other countries emulate, and exemplifies the UK’s modern democracy. Too often, however, PMQs collapses into one-upmanship.

Equally damaging are planted questions, which allow Cameron to trumpet recent policy successes – “does the Prime Minister agree that the economic upturn allows me to kiss his arse?” Insults and arse-kissing only waste time. More generally, any PM should be required to answer the bloody question! PMQs doesn’t need less disagreement – it needs more of it. Lots more. In Westminster as a whole, this is improving through the increased role of Select/Liason committees, and more frequent backbench revolts. But reforming PMQ culture need not mean stifling legitimate disagreement. Ed Miliband’s polite, but often boring and artificial questions prove that whether PMQs is rowdy or not, and the effectiveness of its content, are largely separate issues. The right kind of rowdiness plays an important role; considered reforms could ensure that David Cameron answers relevant questions whilst still under real pressure. PMQs should be serious-minded, but the essential drama of it is unavoidable. As it stands, PMQs is the most-watched weekly political event and therefore, Ed Miliband argues, the Commons should be setting an example to the public. He misses the point - part of its appeal is its theatricality. The content, not the principle, of PMQs needs changing: more guts, less guttersniping.

They can take our lives, but they can never take our fees

Image: maria_navarro_sorolia

Scotland: To fee or not to fee

What would Scottish independence mean for students? And would it be fair? Victoria Armstrong

n the 18th September 2014 Scottish people will vote to decide whether Scotland should leave the UK and become an independent country. Obviously, this would have massive implications for everyone in the UK, not least students. As demonstrated by student demonstrations in 2010, tuition fees are a controversial subject, and the confusion over what will happen to them in an independent Scotland could threaten to derail Alex Salmond’s ‘Yes’ campaign. At the moment, students from England, Wales and Northern Ireland have to pay up to £9,000 a year to go to Scottish universities, while students from Scotland and anywhere else in the EU go for free. This injustice is possible because according to EU law, universities in the EU must charge students from other member countries the same amount they charge their own students. This law does not apply to English, Welsh or Northern Irish students because they are technically from the

same country as Scotland - and the EU does not care about discrimination within member states. Despite pretty much every expert agreeing that it would be illegal for Scottish universities to charge British students whilst letting those from Scotland in for free, Salmond insists that this is what an independent Scotland would do.

Either option would prove an inauspicious start for an independent Scotland This is a complex situation, and the debate rages on, but it could be possible for Scotland to make all EU students pay tuition fees and then give Scottish students a grant. While this might be technically legal, to me, it just seems underhand. If this is not possible then Scotland would have two options: either charge fees for Scottish, Brit-

ish and EU students – killing Salmond’s claim of free university places for Scottish students, or let everybody in the EU go to Scottish universities for free. This would mean a massive loss of funding for the universities, and therefore major cuts. Unless Salmond wants to damage the quality of education in Scotland he would have to break his promise. Either way would be an inauspicious start to an independent Scotland. All this would change, however, if either Scotland or the UK left the EU. Then it would definitely be possible for Scotland to charge students from the UK and not Scotland. It is also worth remembering that Scotland may not even become independent, in which case the situation will most likely remain as unfair as it is at the moment. There is, therefore, a multitude of possible situations regarding Scottish tuition fees, and yet, like so many of the debates surrounding Scottish independence, Salmond is just insisting that it will all sort itself out. Meanwhile, those considering going to university in Scotland in the next few years – including the 16 and 17 year olds allowed to vote in the referendum – have no idea what a “yes” for independence could mean for them.

Reason No. 13: Free us from the Scots

t last; tyranny is ended. Pop a bottle of Bolly and let the cries of freedom rally round! The Scots have finally proven capable of organising themselves for long enough to demand ‘independence’ from glorious Britain. It is unbelievable to think that it has taken until now to get rid of the blasted Scots. Moreoverly, that it is they who are trying to abandon us I find unspeakably embarrassing. It is not the Scots who need to be free – rather, it is we, English brothers and sisters, who need to be freed from them. The rambunctious little island of plebs that goes by the name of Scotland should most definitely leave our sacred Albion. Yes, I call it an island. For as the historian and founding father of my lineage, Pugsimus Maximorius, noted ‘Scotland was once an island of its own that became locked unto the North English coast in order to sell shortbread and receive university tuition fee benefits’. In fact, the Scots have never wished to be one with Great Britannia. I remember my late father telling me about the great battles made by greatgreat-great-great Tory ancestors in the House of Parliament. In those days before the leftist healthand-safety PC brigade took over, brandy drinking in the House was not only permitted, but encouraged. The lefty Scottish Whigs, he said, fought for days - nay, weeks! - to try to secure their freedom from Britain. The blind fools! Now don’t get me wrong, there isn’t a plebeianhating pedigree alive who loves the innards of another beast soaked in its own blood more than myself. But as fond as I am of a nice belt of fine Reserve Scotch there’s no excuse for squatting on our northern beaches. By rights, that’s our sand which they’ve robbed with their highlands and mountains fiddle-faddle! Like a bad rash one might procure after a tug and tussle with a raucous Alsatian, Scotland leeches onto the plenteous belly of our mother nation with the ravenous teeth of some pernicious Chihuahua. Indeed, I don’t believe Hadrian put a wall up there for decorative purposes; if he wanted to do that he’d have made a nice trellis fence. But he made a wall, and a damned good idea it was, too. Of course, in this age of enlightenment, the Scots have likely learned to build ladders (or stolen the blasted technology from somewhere else, more likely) so a mere wall is unlikely to suffice. Desperate times call for desperate measures; I propose we physically divide England and Scotland completely, and set the wretches adrift in the North Sea. ‘Let them go’, I say. And if in this acrimonious divorce they should take away our Scotch, then that will prove no problem for a noble pug like myself. Not only do I have a well-stocked selection of Scotch in my cellar; I have my great British brandy ‘til the end. Ta-rah, Scots! Yours,

Pugs

Overheard by Joe Wood and Lydia Carroll Illustration by Flora Anderson

Pugs has got a new iPad, and he’s been dictating tweets to his manservant Timmons. Follow him on Twitter at @LaVoiceofReason

12.lifestyle

Monday 17 March 2014

The Courier

Lifestyle Editors: Evie O’Sullivan, Elizabeth Archer, Hazel Parnell and Katie Smith

7 ways to combat being cheated on

Buy a pet rock. He/she will understand all of your problems, listen to your brawling and crying, and it’ll sit patiently every single time. It’s silence speaks volumes. With a name like Rocky you know their mental strength will keep you going. And, on the plus side, you’ll never have to feed it, take it for walks, or clean up it’s poop. Feel the wisdom.

Have a fling simultaneously with three men at the same time — Terry, Ben, and Jerry. There’s only one thing you need more than watching a Leo DiCaprio or Heather Graham film right now, and that’s a filthy tub of utter love with Ben and Jerry in it. Even if you’ve just broken up with a guy or girl named Terry, at least whilst eating that chocolate orange, you can scream, “It’s not Terry’s! IT’S MINE!” whilst smearing chocolate all over your face, White Goodman style.

Start meditating and listen to natural sounds of the ocean; feel your soul being cleansed by the beautiful sounds of dolphins squeaking, gaining a sense of purity to your spirit from all that negativity of how that absolute knobhead cheated on you, whilst imagining you are drowning them in a pit of their own tears as deep as the sea, until their face gets mauled by whales… now that’s revenge.

Purchase the latest all girl-band album and boom Adele power ballads and Beyoncé songs to make you remember that you are an independent and strong person. You can get through this. You are single again. Independent. Like these songs, you can power through this. Learn all the lyrics and start belting your heart out. Who needs a man or woman like that in their life? Ain’t nobody got time for that.

“Put laxatives in their tea next time they come over, and then after they’ve drank it, tell them you’ve found out they’ve been unfaithful to you”

Once a cheater, always a cheater? This week two of our writers discuss this classic phrase and voice their opinions around cheating

Uh-huh

nce a cheat always a cheat - that old adage with the ability to either make or break a relationship. Can a cheater change its spots? My answer is no. Of course there are exceptions, but generally those whose lust has overtaken their loyalty, have definitely done it before or without a doubt, are going to do it again. Although I’ve never cheated myself, I know a handful of people who have, and yep you guessed it, they are all (minus the odd one) serial offenders. Those who have been caught in the act have vowed to never make the same mistake again, however, unfortunately for their other half, this only meant until the following week. As cliché as it sounds, actions do speak louder than words, so never be fooled by the sudden declaration of love you receive if you’re unlucky enough to cross paths with a cheater– more than likely, none of it will be true.

“ Cheating is one of the biggest sins of all - it’s demoralising, degrading, and downright dirty”

The number one reason why both guys and girls don’t cheat is because they can’t cheat. And what happens when they can? Well, there’s no going back. Once a person experiences the thrill of cheating, they’re going to want to do it again, again, and again. Cheating is just a bad habit, and like any other thing that gets your blood pumping, it takes a whole lot of will power to say no. When looking for a significant other, isn’t it obvious that choosing a cheat-prone partner is the wrong decision? No matter how much of a fittie they are, if they’ve committed the deadly deed, they should most certainly get the boot before things get serious. For me, cheating is one of the biggest sins of all - it’s demoralising, degrading, and damn right dirty. My advice? Stay away from those with wandering eyes. Jade Holroyd

Nope

e’ve all heard it before, whether given as advice by friends or used to slate someone we have our suspicions about. However, the saying ‘once a cheater always a cheater’ is definitely not true. People make mistakes all the time, but it doesn’t mean that all of their future relationships are doomed and that they should be branded a ‘cheater’. The act of cheating is different for each person and in every situation. I mean, are you really going to say that because someone aged 16 cheated that they will grow up to cheat in all future relationships? Cheating can occur due to immaturity - some people may not feel emotionally mature enough to be in a relationship resulting in them cheating on their girlfriend

“Our mistakes don’t define us, they don’t dictate to us where we are going” or boyf - but this certainly does not mean that they won’t ever be. Also cheating often takes place when people feel unhappy in their relationship, and it can be a mistake that proves their true feelings. If someone was genuinely not happy in their relationship and made an honest mistake, ending things as soon as they realised the cheating was a sign for how they felt, would you actually stamp them as a cheater forever? Although obviously no form of cheating is nice some cases are more forgivable than others. If somebody was to cheat in a fairly casual or new relationship, this doesn’t make him or her a terrible person who is incapable of having a serious relationship without yielding to the temptation to cheat. Above all everyone makes mistakes. Our mistakes don’t define us, they don’t dictate to us where we are going but rather remind us of where we have been- slightly cringey quote but it is 100% true. Just because you have made a mistake in the past it does not mean you are going to repeat that mistake in the future, we learn from our mistakes and we move on. Jessica Belton

So so so scandalous

Continuing this week’s theme of cheating, Amy Bolsor analyses three of the biggest celebrity sex scandals from the past decade....

Make a voodoo doll of your ex-partner or draw sadistic comic strips of all the creative ways you can possibly imagine of them dying in ways that somehow include very dark humour. Rocket to Mars with no oxygen? Or God strikes down all the unfaithful people on the planet who have cheated on their lovers, and they disintegrate into a pile of dust on the spot, with only their cartoon eyeballs remaining…

Prank call them twenty-six times from various different phones, when your ex texts or calls you back on the number asking who has been ringing them, leave the classic Liam Neeson message of: “I don’t know who you are. I don’t know what you want. If you are looking for ransom, I can tell you I don’t have money. But what I do have are a very particular set of skills; skills I have acquired over a very long career. Skills that make me a nightmare for people like you. If you leave me alone now, that’ll be the end of it. I will not look for you, I will not pursue you. But if you don’t, I will look for you, I will find you, and I will kill you.”

Wait — they don’t know you know they’ve been cheating yet? And you’re still together? Put laxatives in their tea next time they come over, and then after they’ve drank it, tell them you’ve found out they’ve been unfaithful to you. And DUMP ‘em right there. Then just wait gleefully until the next time they take a dump. Success = evil laugh Muhawahahaa…

Holly Suttle

The homewrecking scandal One of the most recent celebrity misdemeanours between Twilight star Kristen Stewart and the Snow White and The Huntsman director, Rupert Sanders, caused great controversy in the film world. When they were caught canoodling on the side of an LA road, revealing their affair, Rupert’s wife, Liberty Ross, a beautiful model turned actress and their two children were thrown into the limelight. The couple ended their 12 year long marriage because of the scandal, and R-Sands (think this name is quite fitting, don’t you?) has continued to pursue Kristen, admitting that he is in love with her. But this love is unfortunately unrequited, with K-Stew labelling the affair a ‘momentary indiscretion’, and that R-Patz, fellow Twilight co-star, is ‘the most important thing in my life’. So, sorry R-Sands, you might have to do some more grovelling to your ex-wife. Kristen is known for having a relatively hard exterior and has told us all to ‘judge away’. Oh, don’t worry, we are.

The sad but inevitable one Only two years after Ashley Cole and Cheryl Cole got married, rumours emerged about Ashley having affairs. In 2008, it came into light that the Chelsea football star had a brief affair with hairdresser, Aimee Walton, yet the loverat somehow convinced Chezza to take him back. Soon after the first rumor, a series of several other girls also came forward admitting they’d slept with him during their marriage. In Cheryl’s autobiography she admits that she was prescribed tranquilisers to help ease the pain, poor Chez. Arriving back in England, it appeared that although Ashley was texting Chez incessantly, he had been pictured hanging around with Playboy bunnies, Carla and Melissa Howe, hmmm lovely.

The one that just made everyone sad

The Brad Pitt, Angelina Jolie and Jenifer Aniston Hollywood love triangle, must be the most well known celebrity scandal in the last decade. Love blossomed for Brad and Ange on the film set of Mr and Mrs Smith, although they denied that any hanky panky occurred until Brad and Jen fully separated in September 2005. However, thanks to a new lawsuit between the News of The World and Angie’s stunt double, Eunice Huthart, we have absolute (kind of) proof that the affair began before Jen and Brad’s split. Naughty. The newspaper hacked Huthart’s voicemail to discover numerous stories about hotel arrangements, code names and dinner reservations between the two. It was also alleged that the pair checked into a hotel pretending to be a married couple in the summer of 2005. Poor Jen, I had hoped that Brad at least had enough respect for America’s sweetheart to wait a little while.

Culture The Courier

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Monday 17 March 2014

thecourieronline.co.uk/culture

India Tyndall, 2nd Year French & Spanish meets Jievan Rai, 3rd Year Politics

Jievan on India Describe your first impression of her in three words. Funny, easygoing, crippled (she had a broken foot). How was the experience of going on a blind date? Were you nervous? Not really considering it was the first time I was doing anything like this. What is your usual type, and does she fit it? I don’t really have a type, would probably have to get to know her more to answer that. Were there any awkward moments? No, it all went pretty smoothly.

Culture Editor: Sam Summers Sections: Lifestyle, Fashion, Beauty, Arts, Music, Film, TV and Science courier.culture@ncl.ac.uk | @CourierOnline

Blind date

Where? Jam Jar and Billabong Who paid? He did What did you drink? Jam Cocktails and a couple of pints

India on Jievan Describe your first impressions of Jievan in three words. Easy going, friendly and cute.

What did you talk about? The usual stuff, our courses, friends, etc. And our respective injuries.

Yay! What did you talk about? Holidays, nights out, she also had a good story about being attacked by a cheetah on safari.

Haha, I wonder how that came up? Were there any funny or awkward moments? He went to the bathroom, and then I went without waiting for him to come back and he thought I’d bailed.

Oh dear. Why is she single, do you think? No idea, I couldn’t really say! What were his/her best and worst features? Best: she was easy to talk to; Worst: she smoked, although I didn’t really mind.

At any point in the date did you understand why he is single? Nope, I don’t really know why!

Would you introduce her to your mum? Yeah, I think they’d get along.

What do you think is his best feature? He was a great date, and insisted on buying all the drinks.

Shag, marry or “see ya bye”? Shag. I’m just not ready for married life yet. Would you see her again? If she wanted to, I wouldn’t see why not.

And if you had to name a worst…? I don’t know! I can’t think of anything. Would you take him home to meet your Mum and Dad? Yeah, why not? I think they would like him.

“She also had a good story about being attacked by a cheetah on safari” Cute, sexy or hot? Cute Funny, sweet or smart? Funny How did you finish the date? Anything cheeky? Just a hug, nothing cheeky. Rate yo’ date: 7

Shag, marry or see-ya-bye? Marry.

“He was a great date, and insisted on buying all the drinks” Do you think there will be a second date? I would see him again but I’m not really looking to date anyone. Would you describe him as cute, sexy or hot? Cute. Would you describe him as mostly clever, funny or sweet? Funny. Do you have a usual type, and if so did he fit the bill? I don’t really have one, it’s personality that matters. So yeah, I guess he did fit the bill. How did the date end, anything cheeky? We walked to West Jesmond metro and split up. Just a little hug, it was all very PG. Rate yo’ date: 9

Unlucky in love? The Courier is here to help! Send your details to: c2.lifestyle@ncl.ac.uk

14.lifestyle

Monday 17 March 2014

The Courier

Lifestyle Editors: Evie O’Sullivan, Elizabeth Archer, Hazel Parnell and Katie Smith

Beautiful biblio-bakes

We’ve all stood and longingly stared at the selection of tray bakes in the libes. We sent Alice Fishman to the Robbo to ﬁnd out which ones are worth getting your wallet out for

Owen Bull

Final year nutritionist

A glimpse into the tormenting world of an eating disorder

s a nutritionist it would be tempting to bombard you with legions of figures stating the ever-rising number of people suffering with eating disorders in the UK. For example, hospital admissions for eating disorders have risen by 8% in 2014. But this statistic won’t help those you may be worried about in coming to terms with an eating disorder and seeking the advice they need. There is a misconception from some people that eating disorders are just for extreme female dieters, desperately seeking attention. This is a dangerous fallacy that undermines the incredibly serious nature of this psychological illness which grips people of all ages, genders and ethnicities.

“There is a misconception from some people that eating disorders are just for extreme female dieters, desperately seeking attention” While acutely aware of anorexia and bulimia there are many people suffering from the grip of an eating disorder that is left untreated because it can be difficult to spot. An example of this is orthorexia nervosa, which is characterised by a compulsive, overriding need to be “healthy”. Unfortunately the individual’s perception is incredibly rigid, meaning that for some orthorexics eating food that they haven’t prepared themselves is virtually impossible without suffering the consequences of anxiety attacks. But how can being too healthy possibly be bad for you? Orthorexia nervosa is characterised by rigid self-control and breaking any of the selfimposed dietary rules and specific exercise routines evokes massive feelings of guilt, self-loathing and anxiety for the sufferer. It is important to note that the belief of what is healthy is also often far from what is nutritionally appropriate and so strictly cutting all food groups, additives and non-organic food sources could lead to social isolation and certain nutrient deficiencies. Having recently reviewed a case study on anorexia nervosa the following story came to light. An elderly lady, bones protruding, crouched over a zimmer frame, slowly makes her way across the street. The thing was, whilst at first glance this frail woman seems to be in her 70s, she was in fact only in her 40s. Without the proper treatment anorexia nervosa had taken away a large portion of her bone mass. Nobody should take this devastating disease lightly. With the right treatment programme, this harrowing tragedy is avoidable.

“If you are afraid of approaching the subject then it may be best to contact student services who will be able to make sure they get the help they need” If you are worried that a friend may be showing signs of an eating disorder then ignoring the problem is not the answer. If you are afraid of approaching the subject then it may be best to contact student services who will be able to make sure they get the help they need. Alternatively, offer to visit the GP together, where a referral for specialist treatment may be available. If you need any more information on eating disorders the charity Beat is able to give all the info needed for all those affected by eating disorders.

Honeycomb and chocolate

9/10

Honeycomb and chocolate bake - The Hipster choice for those too cool to eat a boring old chocolate cake, this bake has hidden pieces of chewy honeycomb to spice it up. This crumbly chocolaty delight is intermitted with the smoky caramel flavour of the honeycomb, stopping it from becoming sickly sweet like the rocky road or the flapjack. Definitely my favourite choice on offer.

Cherry and white chocolate Rice Krispie cake - This super-sweet bake is made up of Rice Krispies studded with white chocolate and glacé cherries. The luminous cherries reminded me of old school dinner puddings; this cake would probably look more at home mouldering amongst congealed custard and browning bananas than in a café. The likely choice of a fresher on their biannual trip to the library, who’ll use the presence of the cherries to convince their mum they’re getting some of their five a day. A definite for those with a sweet tooth.

Pistachio and cranberry

5/10

This is definitely the most sophisticated choice on offer, the pistachio and cranberry topping gives the illusion that this is a healthy treat, perfect for gym bunnies wanting a quick sugar fix in-between hockey practise. It tastes very sweet and syrupy, with the oats creating a chewy texture intermitted with the odd waxy pistachio. This is really just a flapjack dressed up as a health food snack, probably wishing it was down in Costa amongst the biscotti rather than slumming it in the Robbo with the egg mayo sarnies. Slightly disappointing given the exotic appearance.

Rocky road - I’d recommend this one most for deadlines or women-trouble induced crises when you need a hearty chocolaty fix fast. A crunchy biscuit base is topped with a thick layer of smooth, slightly plasticy chocolate and fluffy marshmallows. So sugary it makes your teeth hurt, and leaving a slightly artificial aftertaste, this is no match for the rocky roads found in many a Newcastle coffee shop. I was disappointed by the lack of any fruit or nuts within the topping; in fact does this even qualify as a Rocky Road without them, or is it just an intruder blighting its good name? Good for cravings.

Tifﬁn 9/10

Cranberry and white chocolate 7/10

Rocky road

6/10

Tiffin- This bake is a mixture of everything that’s good in the world - dark chocolate biscuits mixed with crunchy pieces of digestive and topped with an extra creamy layer of milk chocolate. Just as good as the offerings at Costa or Starbucks but half the price, I’d recommend this to treat yourself after an intense study session. This is just like the fridge cake I used to make when I was little, so maybe goods for bouts of homesickness as nibbling on this took me right back to my childhood. Photos by Alice Fishman

I know a great little place called... The Stand

he Stand sits in the heart of the city, yet it can easily be overlooked by passers-by with its plain, almost coffee-shop-esque exterior. But looks can be deceiving. The Stand serves quality food everyday in its upstairs bistro, wherein you are met by a modern contemporary décor, showcasing local artwork on and creating a relaxed ambiance. Meanwhile downstairs The Comedy Club offers up hilarious acts six days a week.

“It’s a great place to score on cheap tickets for up-and-coming comedians” The Bistro offers a variety of dishes from Indonesian cuisine to traditional British fish and chips and you don’t have to worry about money, The Stand offers a reasonably priced 2 courses £9, 3 courses £12 on its Lunch Menu Monday-Saturday. In fact the only thing that could let this place down is the sheer amount of choice, you might need a few minutes to peruse the sheer variety they have on offer - just don’t be put off by the num-

Great for...

Summer drinks, or a cheap night out with friends.

When to go...

Red Raw on Wednesdays is only £2 with a valid student card. Arrive early to make sure you get a good seat.

Top tip...

Don’t sit in the front row unless you have a self-deprecating sense of humour.

ber of different menus! And for when those sunny spring days roll in (hopefully soon) The Stand also has an inviting courtyard to the back, perfect to relax in with friends with your choice beverage. As to the comedy, The Stand is far from a traditional comedy club - you don’t have to worry about huge drunken groups of heckling hen and stag do parties ruining the shows because they’re banned. Although the huge sardonic image of what appears to be a cowboy holding a gun to his head might appear off putting on first descending in the club, the comedians soon have you too distracted

from clutching your sides. A great event for any student is The Stand’s Red Raw night, a beginners’ showcase featuring up to ten acts every Wednesday, and for only £2 entry it’s worth a trip. With the likes of Geordie comedian Chris Ramsey gracing it’s doors (he was there again late last year testing out new material) it is a great place to score on cheap tickets for up-and-coming comedians or those old hands who are just dropping by to try out new material. Rebecca Dooley

The Courier

lifestyle.15

Monday 17 March 2014

thecourieronline.co.uk/lifestyle c2.lifestyle@ncl.ac.uk | @Courier_Life

Confessions of a student junkie

There’s no ‘D’ in lent

t’s day three of giving up the D (and the V for anyone wondering if it’s because I’m wanting to try new things) for Lent. I’ve told most who’ve asked that it’s because I’m a strong independent woman who does not need a man nor his penis to complete me or because I feel bad that I only sleep with absolute gods and I need to let other girls have a chance. But the truth is the only sex I currently have is either in a dream with a certain Mr. Gosling, or is the type you mostly regret and try to mentally block the morning after. My late night texts to friends about how I’ve had my heart broken once again by that boy whose name I’m struggling to remember or climbing into bed with my sober housemate wondering why a certain boy left when I threw up on them (apologies mate) need to become things of the past. I have decided that rubbing salsa into my bed sheets to try and seduce late night companions is something that happened one too many times, and finally I feel that the ultimate turning point is when you’re recognized for being ‘that girl who got into her friend’s Dad’s bed naked.’ Hello abstinence. Anonymous

Long days and even longer nights in the Robbo can mean only one thing: unhealthy addictions to everything from Diet Coke to the D. Three students tell us what they’re struggling to give up for Lent

I’m a secret Jeremy Kyle-phile

he conventional ‘I’ll give up chocolate for Lent’ would just not work for me - it’s not a choice but a necessity. So for this year’s Lent, it’s got to be Jeremy Kyle; the arrogant man of daytime TV has become a little too much of an obsession of mine. I now know too much of his scheduled programme times to say that my University timetable is full of riveting contact hours. Instead of studiously working in the library till the early hours of the morning, I find myself watching repeats of lie detector results, people who have been turned away from most dental practices and the worst catwalk of tracksuits and Uggs that the north has ever seen. This has all undeniably implanted itself into my daily routine and I have even resulted to YouTubing musical remixes of some of the show’s highlights (‘Sexual Contact’ is extremely catchy, I advise it) in order to get my Jezza fix, which some may consider a problem. So I feel a 40 day ban, although it would mean missing out on nail-biting DNA results and gripping tales of men who spontaneously tattoo their faces, would almost instantaneously benefit my IQ. Amy Tideswell

Diet Coke, I miss you every day

nless you’re on one can a day or more, I don’t think you can begin to understand my addiction. Addition may seem like a strong word, but one litre a day for as long as I can remember didn’t seen like a habit I could particularly control (along with my very little or non-existent willpower). If there were cans in the house it would act as the perfect accompaniment to my breakfast, lunch and tea. I even spent Valentine’s Day 2013 with it. I tried to quit over summer, after reading about someone else’s addiction (worse than mine, thank god) on the internet, but I just got fatter as I needed to replace it with another fizzy drink. As it’s now Lent, my housemates urged me to cull at least one of my addictions,. Mayonnaise seemed difficult as it’s one of my major food groups so I thought it was time to say bye to that heavily addictive, fizzy, black, cancer-causing, aspartame-filled can of heaven: diet coke. I miss you every day xoxo. Hazel Parnell

This lent, I’m giving up my dignity

American student Hannah Goldstein pushes British eccentricity to its limit in her latest social experiment involving fake blood, a plastic snake and a lot of awkward glances

t is a testament to English politeness that when I walked into my 9 am lecture covered in blood and with an artificial snake wrapped around my torso, no one asked. Eyes were averted, both parties felt embarrassment, and I tried to keep the tail of my snake from poking the girl seated in the aisle behind me. In my subsequent seminar my course mates openly speculated whilst I bit my tongue. I didn’t elaborate. Going into this social experiment I had only assigned myself one rule: no explanations. So they bounced ideas off of one another. Was this a particularly embarrassing morning after? Having pulled whilst out in fancy dress, was I now dragging my hungover ass to my 9 am, sans shower or wardrobe change? Had I lost a bet, or simply lost my sanity?

“Had I lost a bet, or simply lost my sanity?” Maybe the most accurate explanation is that I lost a bet with myself. I played chicken with my own sense of decency and it ended in a collision with my dignity as a casualty. I thought I had grown out of these sorts of games when I was eighteen, and used to mess with the people around me just to see how they’d react. Like the time I fabricated an identity and snuck my way into a thirty-something’s birthday bash. Surrounded by strangers and one wingman that knew the truth, I fabricated an alternate identity. Smoking Nat Sherman multi-colored cigarettes, I spun tales of faux grandeur, insisted I was a trust fund baby from New York, slumming it

in Oregon now that Mommy and Daddy had cut me off. I doubt they bought it, but everyone was too polite to call me out, or too fearful of offending me on the unlikely chance I was being honest. So they bit their tongues and I carried on drinking their wine. But my Newcastle peers hadn’t proven to be as malleable as the thirty-something Portlanders. Instead they stared but did not speak, confused, uncomfortable, and hesitant to play. I pushed myself to linger on campus after my seminar ended. But, making my way to the Men’s bar, I felt I was doing the university a disservice as I passed by a campus tour of potential Newcastle students. They gawked, I attempted to keep my composure, but feeling emotionally worn decided it might be time to head home. Before hitting Haymarket, I paused at Santander to put money into my account. The perfect professional, the man serving me smiled, and then asked politely about my state of dishevelment. I told him I couldn’t really say, but that I hoped the interaction had made his day a bit more surreal. He said it had, I thought, mission accomplished, and got myself back home and into the shower. So with a cleanly washed face and shampooed hair I walked to Tesco, feeling lighter in the disguise of normalcy. I vow, never again. However, three days later when I was ambling exhaustedly home from a themed house party. Alone, midday, in a Pikachu onesie, I stride down Osborne Road, unconcerned by the occasional confused glances. I realized where I went wrong in my experiment, and where I went right in Portland. The objective isn’t to shock for the sake of it; the objective is to have some fun.

Suzie Bliss

Ignorance is Bliss #3

t’s safe to say that there are some things in life which we’re better off not knowing. Much like a recent confession one of my housemates made to me this week. In our small bathroom, our toothbrushes are kept in their holder on the windowsill above the toilet. Mine however, in my vain attempt to maintain a healthy set of pearly whites, is an all-singing, all-dancing electric toothbrush. The price it must pay for being superior to its fellow brush comrades, is that it must perch precariously on the ledge. Below the precipice looms the depths of the toilet bowl and due to an unfortunate disagreement between one of my drunken housemates and the loo seat lid, our toothbrushes are at constant risk of drowning in the waters of the Jesmond’s sewage system. On multiple occasions we have marvelled at how our toothbrushes have miraculously missed taking a little dip in the pool.

“Some things in life we’re better off not knowing” Or so I thought. During one of our post-dinner tea-drinking talks, one of my friends piped up and ever so casually let it slip that she had knocked my toothbrush into the toilet. More than once; in fact, she couldn’t even remember the precise number of times she had done it. And then suddenly it was like Sunday confession and everyone was admitting that they had taken my toothbrush for a little swim, like it was the hottest day of the year and the town Lido was open. I realised that I would have rather not known that my toothbrush was now germ infested. And this made me realise that sometimes there are just some things you never need know. To think I could still be brushing my teeth thinking I was removing the bacteria from my mouth, rather doing something that is equivalent to licking the loo seat and then gargling with toilet water.

“Results day dawned and I was hungover, counting the hours” In this case, ignorance certainly was bliss, and while it is far easier and, all in all, a happier existence to not know some facts – there are times when we have to. Finding out my exam results this term was one of those times. The joy of post exam freedom is all too short and sweet. Nights out and hangover days are spent guilt free and you nearly forget what the interior of the Robinson library looks like. This year, I even got around to doing most of the activities that have been on our Newcastle ‘to do’ list for the past three years. But unfortunately, results day looms – you never know exactly when it’s going to be, your tutor merely sends an email saying ‘it’ll be some time this week’. So results day dawned and I was hungover, counting down the hours until I could muster enough energy to walk into uni and find out my fate. I eventually made the trek in only to arrive at Kings Gate ten minutes too late. Turns out results were available from 12-2 and 3-5. It was now 2.10pm, so I had fifty minutes of blissful ignorance left. Yet these were marred by my pounding headache and waves of nausea. Finally, on opening the envelope, I found that my marks were far from satisfactory. Compared to blissful ignorance this was woeful knowledge. But knowledge that has motivated me to buckle under and work hard for the rest of the year. Starting Monday.

16.fashion

Monday 17 March 2014

The Courier

Fashion Editors: Frances Stephenson and Amy O’Rourke Deputy Fashion Editor: Bex Finney

My week What not to wear in March the sun starts to make regular appearances, so do the fashion nightmares that in fashion As should be left for the beach, as Charlotte Davies explores

Bex Finney

ow it is officially spring our wardrobes need a little bit of a revamp to get rid of the chunky knits and parka coats (although this is Newcastle so maybe keep them on hand). It’s not quite cold enough to wear our knits, and not yet warm enough to done flip flops and no tights. Getting the combo just right is key or you end up sweltering or shivering on your way to uni. Choose some key pieces to stay on trend and survive the weather this spring. Wardrobe essentials include a full skirt, a boyfriend blazer and a slogan jumper. Full skirts are the in thing right now and are the perfect way to pull off feminine without wearing anything above the knee this season. Tutu styles, floral, gingham, there are numerous styles to choose from; tuck a fine knit sweater in to the skirt to keep the silhouette or for a more casual look let the jumper hang loose.

“Full skirts are the in thing right now and are the perfect way to pull off feminine without wearing anything above the knee this season” Walking in to uni is getting a bit (more) of a chore with heavy coats and parkas, instead opt for a boyfriend blazer and style using layers to keep the chill at bay. To look even more stylish go for a pastel coloured blazer instead of the usual black or grey. The oversized blazer goes with anything, layered over jeans or belted at the waist over a dress. Finally slogan jumpers have been seen all over the catwalk this season and they are the coolest form of expression this year. If you cant say it out loud why not say it on a jumper? The slogan jumper is actually a great look to wear on a night out, wear it with denim cut offs and killer heels (or converse if your more chilled) the shorts keep you flashing a little flesh and the jumper stops you from freezing your tits off on the hopeless taxi search at the end of the night.

his one is specifically for the chaps, tank tops. Suns out, guns out. I’m guessing this is the inspo? Unfortunately fellas, this is an item that I believe should be reserved for summer beaches only (and even then you’re treading on risky territory). Indeed a practical item when in humid summer heat, but in March the tank top really serves no purpose other than a throw back to the nineties. So, until the weather truly gets warm, it is definitely not time to say goodbye to sleeves.

’m not advocating you to light a flame to this item, or necessarily to put it to the back of your wardrobe for a few more months. When teamed with the right clothing this look can work well. However, when the crop top begins to expose a bit too much skin leaving little to the imagination in the colder months - its time to save the midriffs for the confinements of the beach. And if you must wear the crop top, high wasted items are vital! Showing less skin is both classy and practical in the remaining chilly months.

Pharrell through the ages

With Pharrell Williams quickly taking over the music industry with his tux and hat in tow, Muneeb Hafiz looks back at some of his earlier sartorial choices

2002

£3 hop Tops

Prior to the birth of his fashion empire, comprised by Billionaire Boys Club and Ice Cream, with fashion virtuoso and the mind behind BAPE, Nigo, in 2005, Pharrell was rockin countless tee’s and caps of all colours and creeds. His skater boy roots were perhaps the most pronounced in the early years of N.E.R.D, but there were always subtle yet crucial inflections of his penchant for hip-hop/punk culture and style. Skateboard P was throwing together the baggy jeans and base colour tees of skater shops with fur and big-ass jewellery in a melting pot of über comfort and hippy flair that just seemed to work.

2006

Topshop £58

he ultimate sin – flip flops. Once again as soon as the sun slightly peeps out, so do the toes of Britain. Toes, which in March are not fit for public display. As the temperature rises men in jeans (or even worse, trackie bottoms) and flip flops stream down Northumberland street and the loyal Havaiana brigade truly take over. However, the world is not ready, and will probably never be ready, to see the mass publics trotters anywhere other than a few feet from the sea…

Well into his stride with his BBC venture by this stage, camo was all the rage in Pharrell’s closet and a fundamental part of his brands’ essence. Reworking the vintage sand beiges and mud browns of classic camo-wear, with more vibrant clashes which on paper shouldn’t work but when worn by the king of cool exemplify the little stylistic idiosyncrasies of Pharrell’s look and vision. As a true monarch of streetwear, constantly defining and redefining tastes in fashion, this phase of Pharrell’s style was defined by conceptual simplicity but remarkable originality when put together. The less obvious constituent parts of his style, the glasses, the jewellery, the shoes, are just as important as the actual clothing.

2010

Coinciding with the fourth studio album of N.E.R.D, Skateboard P’s style in 2010 was much less Skateboard P, than Snowboard P. But, as is always the case with Pharrell, he blurs the line between distinct schools of style mixing military with punk, or cowboy with clean cut for example. Denim shorts are pretty much a certain no-no but when Pharrell rocks jorts (jean + shorts) with classic boat shoes, the jury is out on what is acceptable, well when you’re Pharrell that is. After just under a decade of trendsetting this is perhaps the most swaggalicious phase in the evolution of Pharrell’s style.

The present Maybe it’s the fact that the past few months has seen countless award ceremonies, or the fact Pharrell has been literally everywhere in the entertainment world, or maybe it’s just Pharrell hitting the big 40, but his latest volume of style can only be described as so fresh, so clean. Hailed as the Lanvin Don by some, the tux, the dinner jacket, the blazer has become the staple of Skateboard P look. Now it goes without saying that while the style sounds conservative, Pharrell has sprinkled a lil’ somethin to create somethin special time and again. Everything from the metallic ensemble of the Blurred Lines video, to trouser cutoffs with a perfectly tailored suit at the Oscars, this is a seasoned tastesetter at work. Long live Pharrell and that hat.

The Courier

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Monday 17 March 2014

thecourieronline.co.uk/fashion c2.fashion@ncl.ac.uk | @Courier_Fashion

You (won’t) ﬁnd me in da club

After a London nightclub placed a ban on real fur, Martha Ngatchu tells us what she thinks should be banished from the dance floor his is a bit controversial, as it seems to be the T-shirt of

t must be said that denim shorts are great, they’re a little bit naughty, they make your legs look long and they’re pretty comfortable. However, they have been so overdone. You can’t go out without seeing at least 20 girls rocking the denim short look and quite frankly it’s just getting a bit boring now. There are so many alternatives to denim shorts that show off a little bit more flair and fashion knowhow, yet everyone seems to play it safe with the denim short. What’s even worse is that the denim shorts are getting shorter and shorted. It’s commonplace to see bare butt cheeks on display in a nightclub, but this look is no longer reserved for the venue hostesses, clubgoers are also getting in on the action. I mean why not just go out in your knickers?

choice for Newcastle’s male population, but low v-neck Tshirts on guys has to go. Seeing meavage (man cleavage) is just not attractive, in fact, I find it a little offensive. Personally, I think there’s nothing worse than seeing a guy’s hairless chest poking out of a low cut top. Thanks to the likes of Geordie and Jersey Shore these T-shirts have become increasingly popular. It’s also thanks to these shows that these T-shirts are synonymous with obnoxious “lad” types. You know the ones, they walk around with their chest forward like they own the place. Guys, the tee may make your shoulders look broader and make you appear musclier but it also let’s everyone else know that you’re probably a bit of a tool. I think we should keep the cleavage baring tops to the ladies?

he idea that someone would actually wear a jumper or a sweatshirt into a nightclub baffles me, I struggle with simple long sleeves so something that’s actually knitted is going to be a nightmare! Nightclubs are hot, sweaty, sticky places without the thermal layer so adding a jumper into the mix is simply a recipe for disaster. In addition all the extra material acts as a tea-towel for inevitable drink spillages - you definitely won’t be leaving with a jumper the same colour as the one you went with. Although these pieces can be really fashionable, they’re not exactly appropriate club wear. Unless you want to end up smelling like a gym changing room after your night out on the town I would opt for something a little more airy.

unglasses in a nightclub are the ultimate fashion faux pas. There are no UV rays in a dark nightclub that your precious eyes need to be protected from. It really baffles me that people wear sunglasses into nightclubs all for the sake of looking cool. Whilst the idea of going incognito in some pretentious Ray Bans may be an attractive one, it isn’t very practical. Yes, you may look mysterious and illusive sporting sunnies and a pout, but when you start stumbling around because you simply cannot see, it’s going to damage your look significantly. The mixture of alcohol and darkness is dangerous enough without sunglasses on, why complicate things? I think sunglasses are best reserved for actual sunshine, or at the very least daylight. What’s potentially worse are glasses without lenses. If they’re not aiding your sight, why bother? Believe me, they look anything but cool.

Sprinting into spring

Kathryn Holland puts as at the starting line when it comes to the search for the perfect shoes for Spring/Summer

’S OR T I ED AVE F

his spring it’s essential that you’ve got a sweet pair of sneaks to keep your feet comfortable and stylish. Don’t be afraid to be bold with your colour choice when it comes picking your trainer. These New Balance in purple and yellow will brighten up any outfit. Don’t think that they just have to go with jeans and leggings, experiment by pairing them with a maxi skirt or dress. If however, you don’t feel like the experimenting kind, pair them with some Topshop bleached Mom jeans and plain tee. Not only are they great for everyday wear, try them on a night out to add extra style to your outfit. Not only will you look great your feet will feel fabulous! For £70.00 they may seem a bit pricey but it’s an investment you can’t really miss out on. They also come in orange, green, yellow and black and pink so there’ll be a colour out there for you. If it’s the slightly chunkier look that’s putting you off, New Balance 410 are a slimmer style.

he 90’s have been resurrected in these bad boys. Seen on the runway of Rag and Bone the chunky platform sandal is big this spring. Though they may seem quite masculine, this shoe is what the French would say is a jolie laide. These stacked sandals will elongate legs while simultaneously disguising the fact that you’re in a heel and that you made an effort. Because of the platform your feet will feel comfortable all day long. Pair them with a pair of coloured frilly socks, your feet will be warm as well as looking that bit more feminine. If you’re feeling the cold, pair them with a pair of jeans and biker jacket. If the sun does eventually come out (fingers crossed) try them with a flowery summer dress or ¾ length skirt. These beauties also come in leopard print which would be perfect with a pair of skinny black jeans or LBD for a night out on the toon.

vailable in stores from the 23rd March these little babies mark the revival of childhood holiday memories! The faithful ‘jelly’ has had many a comeback over the past few years, but I believe these ones are here to stay. For only £6.00 they are a must-buy! Keep it cute and wear them with frilly socks, not only will they look great but it will save the constant reapplying of plasters (jellies can rub). Despite this one downfall, they are so many joys to be had when wearing jellies. Firstly, being see through you can show off your recent pedi whilst still having your toes protected. Secondly they go with anything! Be it socks or tights, jeans or dresses there’s no wrong way to rock your jelly shoes. They’re also perfect for the transition from Spring into Summer, looking adorable with a floaty summer smock dress or rolled up jeans, a denim jacket and a baggy tee for when it’s still a little too chilly to flash the flesh.

hese come in either baby blue or pink and are a great way to incorporate pastels into your everyday look. Perfect for when you’re in a rush, just slip them on and you’re away. Being monochrome, they’re bound to go with just about everything in your wardrobe, meaning no sly purchases because ‘you need something to go with your new shoes’. In the summer you don’t want fussy footwear, the slip on shoe is breathable and easy to wear. What’s more with the athletic trend being a major hitter this season the slip on is an fabulous and simple way showing you’re down with the fashion know-how. Keep in with the athletic look and pair your pumps with running-style shorts and oversized slogan-tee. If you don’t fancy bearing your legs in the cold Newcastle air try them with some skinny jeans or maxi tube skirt with a checked shirt tied around your waist for that ultimate skater look.

18.beauty

Monday 17 March 2014

The Courier

Beauty Editors: Saﬁya Ahmed and Amy Macauley

Celeb endorsements: are they worth it?

The power and inﬂuence of celebrites is at an all-time high now, but are their endorsements enough to make you part with your pennies? Aditya Sharanaya and Charlotte Davies share their opinions

Yes

As an increasing amount of cosmetic products are released it seems more and more brands are shelling out billions to have their product aligned with a top celebrity. In fact, nowadays it’s somewhat uncommon to see an unfamiliar face on a cosmetic ad.

“Providing we know that using Loreal’s foundation won’t have us waking up as ‘Queen B’ herself then celebrity endorsement causes no harm”

Celebrity endorsement is truly something we can’t escape. Though it receives numerous criticisms that place consumers in the role of ‘victim’, I believe that providing we know that using Loreal’s foundation won’t have us waking up as ‘Queen B’ herself then celebrity endorsement causes no harm. Really, the only thing harmed in the process is the cosmetic companies’ bank balances.

Have you ever picked up a beauty product at a shop, looked at it for a considerable amount of time, stood there looking strange while you contemplate its effectiveness, worth of cost and just as you’re about to make your decision you glance over to the advertisement and the endorsement makes the decision for you? I agree this doesn’t happen too often. A picture, however, does speak a thousand words and if that picture, or more importantly the person in the picture, has led you towards a negative buying decision I am guessing it was because the ad was one the following:

“I am definitely not magically turning into Natalie Portman if I spray some Dior on myself ”

I believe it’s difficult to say that we aren’t influenced by the face on the ad. Cheryl’s locks, Emma Stone’s pout, Natalie Portman’s lashes. All have served as a crucial weapon in the world of cosmetic sales. And is there any fault with this? I don’t think so. Yes, the marketing technique has the potential to go very wrong; we all remember the Kate Moss incident. Naturally, it works both ways. A celebrity’s negative traits can be transferred onto a product also. But when the cosmetic company gets it right (think Beyoncé and L’Oréal), the idea works extremely well. As consumers, it is undeniable that we buy into the celebrity. Seeing the face of Beyoncé as opposed to any other model has a different effect. We automatically think ‘well if it’s good enough for Beyoncé…’ There is a sense of trust built when a celebrity attaches their name to a product. The item’s status is automatically elevated and naturally we want to be associated with this. This isn’t to say that we are all robots that rush out in masses to buy foundation at the cue of Beyonce’s face. Of course, it takes a lot more than just the use of a celebrities face to sell. But it is undeniably inevitable that celebrity endorsement has some effect. Whether its to attract or put off, the influence is very much there.

The Over-The-Top: I get that celebrities are excited about the products they endorse and this enthusiasm is met with optimism from the brand but some of them take it too far. I am going on an African safari and since I live in Newcastle I set out to buy some fake tan to achieve some tanned legs in shorts. What I want is some tanned healthy looking skin. What I don’t want is to look like a human in a carrot’s body. The Unreal: I dislike these the most. I am out trying to innocently buy some decent dark lipstick and I suddenly want to be Megan Fox. That bright shade of Mac lipstick, no matter how lovely, is not going to make me look like Megan Fox. The psychology behind such adverts is sickening and playing on insecurities and encouraging celebrity worship. I’d get plastic surgery not lipstick if I wanted to change my entire face. The Unrelated: The most unrelated beauty product advertisement award in my opinion should go to perfumes. I am definitely not magically turning into Natalie Portman if I spray some Dior on my-

self. I like the brands that actually include samples in magazines. If you really want a celebrity to endorse perfume or deodorant get a sportsman to talk about how he uses the perfume and it prevents him from smelling bad no matter how active a day he’s had. Just saying, NO-ONE sprays perfume to look sexy, they do it to smell nice. Beauty products are supposed to enhance and not change our appearance. Most celebrity endorsements in my opinion try to convey the opinion that we will somehow become like the celebrity if we use the product when they should instead be focusing on the credibility of the product and what it will do for the buyer as a person.

Show-stoppers at Oscars

Bridget Bunton talks us through the hottest beauty looks seen on this year’s Oscar red carpet and which celebs caught her eye

Best Bold Lip

Winner: Kerry Washington The Django Unchained and Scandal star displayed a gorgeously daring look with a striking plum lip coupled with natural eyes and a whimsical half up-do. The mom-to-be was absolutely glowing. Her makeup artist used Armani’s Rouge D’Armani in Plum 609 with Neutrogena’s MoistureSmooth Color Stick in Rich Raisin on top, if you want to splurge and copy Washington’s gorgeous pout. Honourable mention: Emma Watson. The Perks actress dazzled in a metallic Vera Wang gown and a perfect red lip. Perfect, I tell you.

“With a bright coral lip and soft eyes, Lupita Nyong’o was the epitome of a modern-day Cinderella”

he 86th Academy Awards gave us a night of firsts and record-breaking wins: I’m talking about Ellen Degeneres’ pizza party and ‘most retweeted selfie’ of course. They also showcased some of the most talented, and beautiful, actors in the industry. A few trends were spotted on the red carpet including bold lips and natural makeup coupled with lots of deep sideparts and Old Hollywood glamour waves as well as intricate/soft chignons. I selected my favourites of the Oscar beauty trends.

@TheEllenShow

Best Transformation Winner: Jennifer Lawrence J-Law’s red carpet look didn’t completely wow me, although I was digging the red Dior and reverse necklace thing she had going on. What did strike me was her after-party look. She amped up her subtle eyes with some smoky eye-shadow to match her insanely awesome Tom Ford mini dress. Her eyes POP and it’s gorgeous. She, in my book, can do no wrong.

Best Natural Look Winner: Cate Blanchett Blanchett reigns supreme with this beauty look. The Oscar winner for Actress in a Leading Role stunned with minimalist makeup to counter her intricate Giorgio Armani gown. Her glamorous deep side-part and soft waves completed the ethereal look. To get it, makeup artist Jeanine Lobell used a combination of taupe and light brown shadows with Giorgio Armani’s Rouge Ecstasy lipstick in #103: Incognito. Honourable mention: Jessica Biel. No one should be allowed to look that good, ever.

Best Male Look

Winner: Jason Sudeikis and Jared Leto I would be remiss if I didn’t give honor to the leading men of the night. Expecting parents Sudeikis and Olivia Wilde rivaled Brad and Angie as best couple of the night. Famous funny-man Sudeikis wowed in a navy and black Valentino ensemble. His awesome side-parted coif and actually tolerable beard (I’m not one for facial hair) makes him a winner in my book. Jared. Leto. Need I say more? The Oscar winner was perfectly adorable with mum by his side for the night. His baby blues and perfect ombre locks coupled with that striking deep-red bow tie pegged him as a favourite of the night.

Best Overall Look

Winner: Lupita Nyong’o The Oscar winner for her 12 Years A Slave performance had a total princess moment at the awards in an incredible pleated-Grecian-powder blue Miuccia Prada gown paired with a diamond Fred Leighton headband. Lupita’s makeup was equally stunning with a bright coral lip and soft eyes to complete her radiance. She was the epitome of a modern-day Cinderella.

The Courier

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Monday 17 March 2014

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Battle of the beauty boxes

Beauty boxes are little boxes of perfectly curated beauty ﬁnds, containing deluxe beauty products tailored for you and delivered to you every month so you can try before you buy. Grace Beddow shares three of the best

he beauty box craze seems to be at a peak at the minute, with new brands constantly emerging claiming to be the newest and best on the market. The concept of the beauty box is a subscription service where each month, you are sent around 4 or 5 high end samples of products by both well-known and more obscure brands. The concept originated in the US with Birchbox, which I envied when reading American bloggers’ reviews of a seemingly magical monthly Birthday present arriving in the mail. Now the beauty box craze has become so widespread, choosing between them is a daunting prospect, as because of the thousands of potential products that can be included, some months will be pleasing, and some disappointing no matter which you go for.

Love Me Beauty Box

The Love Me Beauty Box comes in at £12.95 including postage and is the most unique of the boxes I have come across. The USP of this box is that, unlike its competitors, this service is not a mystery set of samples each month, but a menu of three options is available for subscribers to choose before the box is sent. This means that you will know exactly which products you are going to receive before they arrive and this works both to its favour but also to its disadvantage. Knowing exactly what you will see as you tear back the tissue paper takes away the element of surprise, however, simultaneously is a positive aspect, as there is no danger of receiving a nail polish you already own or a prod-

uct for taming curly hair when your hair is poker straight.

Glossy Box

The Glossybox is priced at £13.25 per month including p&p and was the first UK beauty box that I became aware of. This little box received masses of publicity and was plastered over every magazine, blog and YouTube video as it was the first of its kind here, however it seems to have since fallen out of favour with many. Month by month, Glossybox seems to be the most changeable and hit and miss of the options, as some months seem to be excellent value for money, whilst others appear to be very bare, with only very tiny sachet samples.

Having been the American favourite, Birchbox has finally emerged in the UK and is priced at £12.95, which includes postage. This box is similar to Glossybox, in that it is a surprise assortment of samples and, because of this, each box will invariably be deemed both ‘bad’ and ‘good’ by different subscribers depending on personal preference. However, unlike Glossybox, Birchbox is slightly more adventurous with its range of products, as some past boxes have included teabags, beauty supplements and even popcorn. This seems to give

Tom Tibble as Christian Fail

Mate, I thought you were coming as Leonardo DiCaprio, not Leonardo Outright Crappio? In some cases, even if The Lad imitates successfully, death by banter may still occur. Always remember, banter lurks round every corner (OED, p. 429). If that juicy slice of OxLad English Dicktionary failed to fire you up for the hot release of this month, the much awaited Kindle version, and yes only the version that is rumoured to receive updates on new Ladisms each and every motherflippin’ week, then you may need to question your membership to the Ladnation. This new Kindle version has it all, highlighting tools, search tools, power on/off tools; it even has an online forum enabling you to chat to all your Lad buddies about your favourite new Ladisms. Anyway, what this all means for The Lad, is that whoever they wish to emulate, their effort must be clinical in its conviction. A friend of mine (photographed) tried to look like Christian Bale once, we’re talking a Bruce Wayne/Patrick Batemantype-look. As a result, this shambles happened. What a prick. As an employee of OxLad English Dicktionary Inc., I was one of the lucky few granted exclusive access to the Kindle version, and so I took to the online forum to survey who it is that Lads wanted most to look like. Answers ranged from Yoda to David Beckham, an admirable variety, but not particularly conclusive. To get some classic Lad bashing banter flowing on the forum, and therefore gain some online Ladcceptance, I posted a photo of that prick friend online. Though some users, namely ChestPressToby93 and ProteinKingClive2k7, went on and on about how devilishly handsome the prick friend was, the decision was unanimous that he looked more ‘Christian Fail than Christian Bale.’ Who do lads most want to look like? The safest option would be to look like yourself, because you can’t not be the best at that.

Charlotte Maxwell gives us a masterclass in hiding those hideous roots with a few money saving, nifty tricks

e all have bad hair days - particularly when our roots are growing out. Making themselves known, it can seem like there’s no wear to hide. But, fear not, you don’t need to resort to breaking out the beanie hat just yet. Here are some tips to help you along.

Birchbox

Blokey Beauty: Man crushes

he OxLad English Dicktionary, available in all good bookstores across the UK, is an archaic and vast scripture of Ladlore, a definitive guide that every Lad should keep on their bedside table, because if they did, they would find this insightful definition: Imitation (noun): The act of emulating a Higher Lad. Difficulty depends on ambition. Once The Lad begins the act of imitation, he opens himself up to the danger of being bantered to death e.g.,

Birchbox an edge over Glossybox, as the products can be slightly more unpredictable, which is mirrored in its quirky and cute packaging of a drawstring bag inside the box. Overall, I would say that the beauty box phenomenon is a fun subscription service for those who have a little extra cash to splash, however in the long run they work out to be rather expensive, with a yearly subscription costing around £150. However, out of the three, I would choose the Love Me Beauty Box as my subscription of choice, as you can try out new products, but with the security of knowing that they will be welcome additions to your makeup bag.

Rid your Roots

Dry shampoo

I am not au fait with this technique (dry shampoo with afro hair isn’t a great idea) - however, on Caucasian hair this will work like a dream. If you get your hands on some Batiste, you’ll be able to banish oily roots and have fresh, bouncy locks. Worried things will start going wrong during the day or you’ll smell a little clinical? Grab yourself a travel sized spray to pop in your bag and with Batiste offering 19 varieties of dry shampoo, you’ve got plenty to choose from.

Pump it up

Who’s your man crush? James Harden, the NBA player. I would let him dunk me any day Hannan Imran Pip Schofield. The ultimate silver fox. I’d love him to give me a tour of the Cube. Also, Paterson Joseph, aka Johnson from Peep Show. I find his brand of aggressively meaningless corporate mumbo-jumbo extremely seductive. Tom Nicholson Chris Hemsworth and Robert Downey Jr but only in their respective superhero outfits. James Simpson Jared Followill, bassist in Kings of Leon. For his well kept but rugged style, thumping bass rhythms, flowing dark hair and dazzling contemplating stair on stage. Peter Style I’ve always found David Dimbleby exudes an irresistible sexual charisma. That or Johnny Depp as Edward Scissorhands. Joe Wood If we’re talking about people who are hot right now, I have to say Chris Pratt and Idris Elba have been known to reduce me to blubbering seal noises with their beautiful faces, but if we’re talking all time it has to be Sir Christopher Lee. He’s more than just a talented actor with an amazing voice and chiselled features; he speaks like ten languages, is descended from Italian royalty, is an expert swordsman, released his first metal album at the age of 88, and was a member of the ‘Ministry of Ungentlemanly Warfare’ in WWII, basically meaning he killed a shitload of Nazis. To be honest, I’d still have sex with him today if he asked. Sam Summers Will Smith: funny, talented, charming and a constant reminder of what I’ll never be. Gagan Jagpal

Yes, a volumising blow dry could resolve all your root-related hang-ups. Adding extra volume, helps revitalise the hair and detract attention from your misguided midline. This camouflage trick is easily achievable at home - no need to be paying out for a hairdresser. Just lift a section of hair from the crown and passionately backcomb until you have the desired volumised impact. If you’re running late or in a hurry, a volumising spray can also give you a hand, in this department.

Wrap it up

Whether you fancy the turban or chic pirate look, all you need is to grab a headscarf and your roots are hidden from prying eyes. Various methods of tying scarves are all over YouTube - take a look at Shirley B Eniang and Ahsiek1118 for some inspiration. This method is perfect for covering any type of over-growth, whether it’s down to your highlights, your extensions, or your braids coming undone. “I don’t own a scarf ”, you might say - this I find hard to believe, but if you don’t own an appropriate scarf to tie round your head, it is possible to use a t-shirt.

“If you fancy the chic pirate look, all you need to do is grab a headscarf and your roots are hidden from prying eyes”

The Courier

Monday 17 March 2014

17-23Marchlistings.21

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Listings My Roots, My Culture

To 4th April Northumbria University

The BAM! Sistahood! Project has, for the last six months, been examining and sharing the cultural, social and political heritage of four generations of women who belong to ethnic minorities, some of whom are refugees from strife-riven areas across the globe, and all of whom live in the North East. My Roots, My Culture is a photographic record of all the work which the project has achieved since its inception. Free

Newcastle College Art Show: 16 Reasons

To 29th March Newcastle Arts Centre

This showcase of the best of the college students’ work used to be called ‘8x8’ - hopefully someone’s pointed out to the organisers that 8 x 8 = 64 and not 16, so at a very basic level the average punter’s expectations will have been changed. I mean, the average punter is likely to think that 64 bits of art represents better value for money than 16 bits of art. Then again, the average punter might also clock that it’s free and decide that it’s definitely worth a look round. Free

911

17th March Mill Volvo Tyne Theatre

Carlisle’s finest are back! Back! BACK!!! I know it feels like they never went away, but the ‘Private Number’ hitmakers have decided now is exactly the right time to hit the North with a glorious comeback spectacular. They sold 6 million singles (!) in their heyday, and 10 million albums (!!!), so clearly some people out there had been waiting a very long time for ITV2 to pick them out of the bargain bucket and stick them back on primetime (ish) telly. Be warned though: there may very well be jumping, spinning, and jumps which incorporate spins into them. Those among you who are easily overawed might want to avoid this gig and its attendant risk of heart failure. Tickets £22

Refugee Boy

18th March Northern Stage

Based on Benjamin Zephaniah’s enduringly popular novel about 14-year-old Alem, a refugee from Badme, Ethiopia, and his struggle to gain asylum in the UK, this production is on tour and has gained rave notices so far on its nationwide run. Tickets from £14.50

Dial M for Murder 18th March to 22nd March Theatre Royal

Hitchcock’s classic thriller has been rendered for the stage by West Yorkshire Playhouse and Mercury Theatre, which by all accounts ramps up the tension already inherent in a story about a meticulously planned murder plot which goes pretty disastrously wrong for all parties. Director Lucy Bailey comes to this project having worked extensively with the Royal Shakespeare Company, so if someone turns up in a ruff you’ll know why. Tickets from £12

Moscow Ballet: Swan Lake 18th March Mill Volvo Tyne Theatre

I’m reliably informed by those who know about these things that the Moscow ballet company are really really bloody good, and this Tchaikovsky kid who’s written the score for this ballet is going places, make no mistake. No, it’s not the Bolshoi, but these lads and lasses are still extraordinarily talented. At any rate, it’s going to be miles better than your mates’ moves in Basement, which I’ll wager are rather less Swan Lake and a little more dying swan. Tickets from £18

Miranda Hart live 19th & 20th March Metro Radio Arena

Call the Midwife’s finest is back! Back! BACK!!! It’s a bit strange to think of one of the most famous TV comedians in the country as a live performer, but it’s where she started out and presumably something she’s quite good at too. I mean, I think she’s terrible, but she’s won four British Comedy Awards and I’ve got none. Conclusive evidence to show that she’s a genius, or that the British Comedy Awards are wilfully ignorant of how good my as-yet-unreleased sitcom is? Draw your own conclusions. “Wonderfully funny - it made us laugh at ourselves because she was laughing at herself,” according to Arts Editor Charlie Dearnley’s mum while climbing a ladder. Charlie’s mum has an OBE, you know. Tickets £27.50

Metronomy 20th March O2 Academy

Totnes’s finest are back! Back! BACK!!! Their third LP (or possibly fourth; there was one at the beginning which sort of counts but sort of doesn’t), Love Letters, eschews the sparkling, streamlined yacht pop of their second (or third) effort, The English Riviera, in favour of gentle English synth psychedelia. Even while taking a slightly more sedate route through the Devon countryside, they pack an almighty wallop when you’re standing in the same room as them. Tickets £15.50

Hip Hop Coffee Shop 23rd March Laughing Cat Cafe, off Northumberland St

This one-off event, run by Newcastle Uni students studying hip-hop (imagine being able to just listen to A Tribe Called Quest and Wu Tang Clan for three years), combines graffiti art, live DJs, cracking food and banging coffee. It’s aimed at reconnecting hip-hop with its founding principles and disciples, so presumably Macklemore’s invite is not in the post. Free entry, students get 10% off all food & drink

22.arts

Monday 17 March 2014

The Courier

Arts Editors: Millie Walton and Charlie Dearnley Deputy Arts Editor: Laura Wotton

AV Festival: best of the fest If you haven’t already got round to visiting any of the AV Festival exhibitions this month, there’s still a load of events to get involved in and venues to visit. Arts Editor, Millie Walton picks the best of the bunch so that you can make the most of March.

Carnage crew

Lauren Hickin talks to Max Elten and Hew Rous Eyre, the infamous duo responsible for last semester’s Collaborators, about working together, living together and their forthcoming production of God of Carnage

T Digging for Sound (21 - 23 March) The second of the festival’s sound weekends offers up a range of interesting events across the city. On Friday head down to the Tyneside at 8.30pm for the screening of Pat Collins’s film ‘Silence’ following the journey of a sound artist in Ireland recording the sounds of a remote natural landscape. If that blows you away catch a screening of Collins’s second film ‘Tim Robinson: Connemara’ the following evening at the Tyneside at 6pm, documenting the work of artist, writer and cartographer Tim Robinson. Finish the weekend with a musical performance by artist, Richard Skelton and the Elysian Quartet (specialists in contemporary, experimental and improvised music) in the All Saints Church at 8pm. Akio Suzuki: na ge ka ke For those of you unfamiliar with the work of sound artist, Akio Suzuki get onto soundcloud and listen to his hypnotizing tracks created by self-made instruments and inspired by nature. It might not be as good as seeing him perform live, but his exhibition at the Globe Gallery is well worth a visit if only to glimpse into the artist’s astonishing imagination. You can also pick up a map of Suzuki’s ‘oto-date’ project, which takes you on a tour round the city to specifically chosen echo points - something alternative to do on a sunny day. Jessica Warboys Warboys’ solo exhibition at the Laing Art Gallery brings together a mixture of film, object and canvas, each interpreting space, time and landscape in varied ways. The display includes an impressive large-scale sea painting, created by dispersing pigments onto a canvas that is held under the sea and then dragged onto the sand. Wang Bing: industrial films A leading figure in documentary and Chinese cinema, Wang Bing is well known for his epic documentaries and poignant meditations on history. Catch the screening of his moving film about the suffering of Chinese deported for re-education in the forced labour camp in the Gobi Desert (19571961), ‘The Ditch’ at the Tyneside Cinema at 6pm on 27th March. Also pop into Stevenson Works to view part of Bing’s 14-hour film presenting a real time documentary of the work of crude oil extractors in China. The film runs as a looped installation throughout the month. Fiebres Adrien Lecoutrier’s atmospheric new film takes place amongst the gold and diamond mines on the plateaus of Venezuela following the journey of doctor, Pierre as he travels from camp to camp to treat the miners. It promises to be a captivating watch and is one of the festival’s cheaper screenings. 25 March, Star and Shadow 7.30pm. Serra Pelada - The Legend of the Gold Mountain Tyneside Cinema presents the UK premiere of ‘Serra Palada’ following its debut at the Rio International Film Festival. Once one of the world’s largest mines, Serra Pelada is now a deep lake entrenched in myth and conflict. Victor Lopes documents the legendary 1980s gold rush in scenes of epic proportion. 26 March, 6pm.

QUOTES SO SIMPLE:

he first few minutes of my conversation with ‘God of Carnage’ directors Max Elten and Hew Rous Eyre concern tea. Having met at Quilliam’s for the interview, it falls to Max to pick the punniest tea, Nutty but Nice, despite my being sorely tempted by Stollen Moment. I begin by asking how they work as co-directors. “I’m like a BMX,” Max starts breezily, “And Hew’s like the stabilizers. A big pair of stabilizers, like, they actually do something.” The humour from both is in plentiful supply, apart from when the contentious issue of venues is raised. The dates and performance space for ‘God of Carnage’ were recently subject to change. Max says, “I thought this play wouldn’t be stressful to direct, proving that the world was laughing at me.” “And me,” Adds Hew. Both directors feel that the Theatre Royal had an obligation, morally if not legally, to behave better, but are optimistic about their new venue. They describe the Bridge Hotel as having a warm atmosphere, with the added bonus

“Hew’s like the stabilizers. A big pair of stabilizers, like, they actually do something.” of being a new NUTS venue. As our talk moves to the play itself, it is clear that these erstwhile collaborators (pun intended) are more motivated by the merits of a script than attempting to carbon-copy previous successes. And at first glance, their previous NUTS play, ‘Collaborators’, couldn’t be more different from ‘God of Carnage’. The latter is a domestic four-hander, exploring ‘the dynamics of two middle-class couples

whose sons have had a fight; the cast of Collaborators was more than twice that size, whilst the play itself dealt with the much murkier subject matter of Stalin’s ghost writer.’ But Max and Hew assure

“Sometimes we don’t talk for five days...Words are said, books are thrown.” me that their touch of dark comedy remains with ‘God of Carnage’. The shrewd casting choices and deft handling of tonal shifts which characterised ‘Collaborators’ are also clearly in play with ‘God of Carnage’. Being housemates as well as co-directors, it isn’t long before a few sore points emerge. I ask which characters in the play they most resemble. Hew begins, claiming that Max is like Alan, (“because he’s a bit smug and likes lecturing people”) and Veronica (“with her cultural appetite”). Max is quick to get his own back, saying that Hew is most like Michael (“basically, a bit of a bigot”) and Anna (“because he needs me”). Max says dramatically – as he does many things – that when they disagree at rehearsals, “Sometimes we don’t talk for five days.” “Words are said, books are thrown,” Hugh agrees wryly. The two bicker good-naturedly as I ask about living together. Max is apparently something of a domestic god, or rather princess, as Hew corrects - “I am messy, but clean”, Max insists paradoxically. Hew, on the other hand, is a “filthy miser” who is the most likely to eat your food – “But I’m missing

a full pot of Pringles!” he maintains, to Max’s guffaws. So, why should everyone come to see ‘God of Carnage’? Because it’s a modern classic, according to Max, whilst Hew chips in that it won both the Olivier and the Tony award for best new play. Besides, as it’s a small cast, both directors hope that plenty of students will give this NUTS production “the support and backing it deserves”. In the face of genuine enthusiasm, undeniable talent, and a partnership that has proven to be successful, I will definitely be lending my support to ‘God of Carnage’. God of Carnage will be running 18th-19th March at 8:30pm with an additional 6pm performance on the 19th. Cast includes: India Brown, Richard Garrett, Annabel Niekirk and Jake Hodgkinson.

Desert island books

We asked David Leighton which four books he would take with him to maintain his sanity on a desert island. Here’s what he came up with... Desert Island Survival Guide

1984 George Orwell

Bear Grylls

peaks for itself really, obviously a bit pragmatic and boring but at the end of the day it’d be better than dying. Also it’s a little bit pricey, especially in hardback, but I think it would be worth it – besides it was either this or Ray Mears and he’s got a bit of an odd face.

ith this, I could pretend that there’s a silver lining to being stuck on a desert island: away from capitalism and corporate machinations. Unfortunately that isn’t entirely true as I much prefer hot chocolate, nail varnish and KFC to the liberation of insects or, worse still, a coconut.

Danny the Champion of the World

Roald Dahl

ainly because Roald Dahl is an absolute terrific creature, partly because this book makes me all warm and fuzzy inside, essentially it is my equivalent to Wilson. This one is a stellar choice in my opinion because Dahl is the master of escapist literature, a feelgood genius. So yeah, Roald Dahl and Tom Hanks, what more do you want stuck on a desert island?

Memnoch the Devil Anne Rice

book I’ve read more times than I can count, yet I still manage to gleam something new from it every single time. Sexy, funny and stylised all ‘ye-oldey’ I couldn’t really ask for more in a novel… it’s a mindblower. Also my edition has a peach on the front so I could ward off starvation by licking it.

The face of nature and civilization in this our country is to a certain point a very sufficient literary field. But it will yield its secrets only to a really grasping imagination. To write well and worthily of American things one needs even more than elsewhere to be a master. Henry James

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ach week we choose the best arty Instagram pic to feature in the paper. Whether its taken on campus, on a night out or in your own house, we want your snaps. Simply hashtag #nclarts and we’ll pick a weekly winner. Besides featuring in an award winning paper, the winning pic is worth a delicious bag of sweets too. Get instagramming, folks. This week’s winning pic is ‘Sunday Funday’ by Instagram user...

Creativity & Coffee

This week Iqra Choudhry discovers one of Heaton’s finest coffee spots, ‘Teasy Does It’

T Drinks Art Vibe

Vibrant and cheerful

ucked away near Heaton Park, ‘Teasy Does It’ is a great little place – it’s almost impossible to walk past its electric-blue front without deciding to go in. The décor is charming: all mismatched chairs and little tables; fairy lights by the door; posters and leaflets for local events everywhere. By the back, cushy armchairs and bookshelves beckon, and there’s an outdoor seating area perfect for days when the weather’s better. Needless to say, I’m in love with the place before I’ve even ordered. The teas and coffees are expertly made, and my latte is the best I’ve had in a while. It’s the kind of coffee you could drink all day, and the place is so welcoming that, come exam period, I can imagine doing just that. The menu boasts a variety of tempting dishes, all great value, handmade for the most part and absolutely delicious. ‘Teasy Does It’ also make cakes to order, at prices which make them an absolute steal.

ax Elton and Hew Rous-Eyre proved themselves to be a professional production duo in the successful Collaborators, this semester the pair are co-creating Yasmina Reza’s multi-award winning comedy, God Of Carnage. With just four characters and one-hour total performance time, this play is certain to be a moving and intimate performance. The plot follows the conflict between two sets of parents whose sons, Ferdinand Reille and Bruno Vallon, have been in a fight in the playground at school. Civil conversation quickly dissolves into a tense argument between the conflicting characters; trivial bickering however projects far bigger, deep-rooted career, class and gender contestations. Misogyny, racism and homophobia are all rich topics of debate. One of the most dramatic moments comes when Annette, Ferdinand’s mother, throws up on stage all over the table. Max commented that the play “offers a cynical but often close to the bone critique on issues such as marriage, children and perhaps most worryingly human instinct. It walks the tightrope between being kitchen sink drama and farce without ever seeming to dated, or at least that is what we hope.” This is a play of realism and profound satire but promises several laughs along the way. Harriet Sale

Put Your Sweet Hand in Mine

ith an impressive amount of multirolling from the seven actors, Tyne took me on a family’s journey of self discovery that was laced with tales of the river. The cast played live on stage as the music was seamlessly integrated to create an eerie, yet warming production. There were archival images projected upon the set of industrial crates, which created a documentary style approach, as each story was brought to life by the seven actors. Tensions between the old and the new, the loss of industry and the development of a diverse and integrated city were brought to the forefront as one character declared, ‘the past we inherit, the future we build’. Although at times I felt as if I were watching a ‘Come visit Newcastle’ advert, the poignancy of the piece was genuinely quite moving. This fruitful creation brought us hints of optimism as contemporary characters considered a rebirth for the Tyne that required political will and economic momentum. This intensely proud production leapt back and forth in time, preoccupied with the wonder of the river, solidarity and the families that were built on it’s edge. Aimee Vickers

ut Your Sweet Hand in Mine is a disconcertingly avant-garde and beautiful show which leaves you dreaming of Paris, passion and love. Staged in the space between two facing rows of chairs, the performance is intimate and uncomfortable; the constant, unavoidable eyecontact with the person opposite you certainly helped to sustain tension throughout. The actor and actress of this two-man show had no inhibitions and threw themselves into the performance: the presence of children from the local high school did not trouble them as they stripped down to their underwear and covered themselves in water (the big, bizarre finale). The script was brilliant, moving seamlessly back and forth between humour and desperate longing: at times, it even gave you the odd sensation that the actors could read your mind, as they began to describe your emotions and thoughts word for word. Put Your Sweet Hand in Mine tells a jumbled story of love between an ordinary man and woman, who meet on a metro in the heart of Paris on a night when it’s pouring with rain. Their life together involves a power-cut, a storm and a hearty power-ballad and is something that I won’t forget in a hurry. Jenny Hopps

Culture Lab 7 - 9 March

he NUTS production of Tom Stoppard’s Arcadia, promised to be a play ‘filled to the brim with sex literature and ‘pistols at dawn’’- and it definitely did not disappoint. With a fairly complex plot revolving around the relationship between past and present, order, disorder and the certainty of knowledge, the play could have been somewhat difficult to follow – however, this was certainly not the case. With the simple, yet enormously effective staging, the NUTS cast of Arcadia managed to portray the transition between the two time periods, set 180 years apart, effortlessly. The casting of the production was perfected down to a T. It would be wholly unfair to mention just a single name in merit of their efforts, because every single member of the cast deserves recognition for their first-rate performance. All of the comedy came off very well, with the audience left in stitches on several occasions. The cast’s depiction of more serious concepts, including scientific and literary debates, also deserves to be credited. I greatly applaud the cast and creative team behind this production; it was witty, charismatic, and it undoubtedly lived up to expectations. Jade Holroyd

The Bridge Hotel 18 - 19 March

Tyne

Arcadia

Theatre Royal 20 - 22 March

The Pillow Man

God of Carnage

...louise_lauren1...

Northern Stage 3 4 - 6 March

artin McDonagh’s The Pillow Man is by no means an easy production to pull off. Any play about child abuse, murder and depression is likely to present a whole host of issues, especially if it’s also meant to be a comedy, but NUTS put on a pretty good show. Designed by Luke Robson, the set was hugely impressive and one of the production’s greatest strengths. The simply built interrogation room (the setting for the majority of the action) functioned as a blank canvas for writer, Katurin’s imagination as his horrific tales were re-enacted before the audience’s eyes. However, it was the acting that really stood out as exceptional. Dan Lockett made a tortured and complex Katurin, whilst Ruaidrhi Johnston gave an astonishing performance as Katurin’s deeply disturbed brother, Michal. The duo continued to captivate the audience throughout their long and heavy scenes aided by solid performances from James Heaford and James Gibson as detectives Ariel and Tupolski. Despite the cast’s efforts though, the piece lacked pace partly due to a few line hesitations here and there but mainly due to long, unchanging scenes which could have done with some lighting variation. That said, it still made for an interesting, if not slightly harrowing, watch. Millie Walton

The Table

Northern Stage 27 February - 1 March

Northern Stage 7 March

nventive, unique, unforgettable, Blind Summit produced a masterclass of Japanese Bunraku puppetry with their delightful creation, The Table. Moses, a sophisticated string-free cardboardheaded puppet, operates via three performers; one handling movement of Moses’ head and left arm, one controlling the pelvis and right arm, and the third operating the feet – and all to hilarious effect. Voiced by director and puppeteer Mark Down, Moses retells the Bible’s version of his life, though the Bible seems to have forgotten one vital part - the fact that after leading the Israelites out of Egypt and indeed dying, Moses now finds himself marooned on a table. Moses’ contemplation of his table-bound fate, the play on the conventions of his puppet form, and the subsequent questions this raises about the Bible stories, combine to make this show brilliantly entertaining. Moses is inanimate but Blind Summit bring him to life, emphasizing that the belief of God, disregarding of what something means to be ‘true’, still brings comfort to many humans across the world. Self-billed as a performance of ‘epic biblical puppetry’, Blind Summit’s clever show more than delivers their claim. Tom Tibble

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Monday 17 March 2014

The Courier

Film Editors: Muneeb Haﬁz and Jacob Crompton-Schreiber

Sexy Sin-ema

Editor’s Sheperd looks at how sex is portrayed on the silver screen Word Jamie t’s the moment everybody dreads when of Evidence (which featured a pretty memorable paign as “the most extreme film you’ll see this year” Cinema Etiquette

oing to the cinema is a great experience and here in Newcastle we are lucky enough to have two wonderful cinemas right in the centre of town. To clarify, when I say going to the cinema is a great experience, I speak for the majority of cinema visits, which tend to pass without any notable incidences. There is rarely a better place to watch a film then a packed auditorium; whether everyone is laughing at jokes, gasping in horror, sitting in stunned silence or having a little cry when it all gets too much.

However, every film fan and cinema-goer will have suffered, possibly a multitude of times, a trip to the cinema that has been spoiled or at least soured by someone who simply doesn’t know how to behave in a cinema. It just takes one to disturb the peace and unfortunately there are rarely ushers around to scold misbehaving patrons. A phone is the most common tool of mischief, everyone has one and some even feel the need to use it during a film. The powerful backlit screen can illuminate even the gloomiest of auditoriums, a bright beacon telling everyone that you are a selfish annoyance – and that’s putting it mildly, keeping it PG and all. With Empire cinemas as well as BBC Radio 5 Live (under the eye of Mark Kermode & Simon Mayo) creating their own code of conducts, it seems The Courier is missing out. It’s time to remedy that fact with these 7 golden rules: mobile phone usage. No explanation needed, just no. 1 NO #OutofSightOutofMind talking. Discuss and theorise after the credits have rolled please. 2 NO #CommentaryIsOnTheDVD noisy eating or rustling. Soft rolls are ideal and big rustle-tastic crisp bags are forbidden. 3 NO #CinemaNotCineMUNCH room”. You know. 4 a#SaveItForTh eBedroom

NO acts which usually precede the cry of “Get

seats. It gets real annoying. 5 mentioned #FloorSpaceIsYourSpace

NO feet on the seats and no kicking of afore-

shoe removal. It shouldn’t need to be said but unfortunately it does. Do it at home only. 6 NO #TheseBootsAreMadeForWearing ice remnants at the bottom of a 5 litre Pepsi 7 the tankard. NO Slurping. There is no need to noisily slurp

#OnlyPerpsSlurp

Jacob Crompton-Schreiber

watching a film with their parents. The one bit of a pleasantly enjoyable movie that sends the room into an awkward silence and makes you put your hands over your face. You know for a fact that I’m referring to the infinitely embarrassing, the horrendously harrowing sex scene. However (without painting myself as too much of a pervert) I’d like to say that the majority of sex scenes we come across as viewers of predominantly Hollywood films are generally not too difficult to watch. The overall trend with Hollywood sex scenes is that they generally fall into two categories, either a) comedy copulation or b) “love making”.

“The 80s were probably the zeitgeist period for wholesome ‘love-making’” Where comedy copulation generally lends itself to puerile, adolescent comedies of the ilk of the American Pie franchise, Superbad, and the unforgettable sex scene in the first Scary Movie film between Jon Abrahams and Anna Faris, there are times when it crosses-over into “love making”. The passionate Italian flavoured romp between Jamie Lee Curtis and Kevin Kline in A Fish Called Wanda is quite frankly hilarious but at the same time still pretty passionate, however the ultimate fusion sex scene has to be the puppet “love making” in Team America: World Police which parodies every tonedtorsoed sex scene of the 80s before moving on to some pretty strange shit (literally). The 80s were probably the zeitgeist period for wholesome “love making” in Hollywood when the erotic thriller reigned supreme. Classics such as Body Heat, Fatal Attraction, Blue Velvet, and Body

scene where Madonna pours candle wax on Willem Defoe’s… ahem…) set pulses racing amongst cinema goers but again this sex was aspirational for cinema goers. The voyeuristic pleasure of imagining yourself in these sex scenes had an almost aspirational quality to them much like how movies like Wall Street reflected the glamorous “yuppie” movement. Despite these sex scenes taking place in tense circumstances, they generally didn’t leave a bad taste in the mouth. Fucked-up fucking should be left to the auteurs of world cinema. The king of strange sex has to be Danish filmmaker Lars Von Trier. When considering his previous releases such as Antichrist and The Idiots and the fact that his most recent film goes by the name of Nymphomaniac, you can sure as hell count Julie Andrews out of the picture and instead expect a four and a half hour shagathon in two volumes, with un-simulated sex and Shia LaBeouf just before he lost it all. 2000’s Baise-Moi (literally translated into English as “Fuck Me”), bore the tagline on its English language marketing cam-

which is a pretty good summation of this French version of Thelma and Louise times by 1000. The sex scenes here are brutal and unpleasant to watch which alongside the deeply troubling rape scene in Argentine director Gaspar Noé’s Irréversible and other French films of this period led to a media moniker of “New French Extremity”. But extreme sex wasn’t a European thing for the new millienium as in the 1970s Bernardo Bertolucci’s Last Tango In Paris shocked audiences with a new and innovative use of butter and big budget historical epics such as Caligula and Salò, or The 120 Days of Sodom were scandalising audiences with the gratuity we don’t even see in modern day dramas such as Game of Thrones. So while we may find ourselves cringing when watching a sex scene with our folks, I think its best that we spare a thought for our European brethren and the sordid sex it seems they take for granted.

Wild Wild Wes Anderson

Rosanna Bellini discusses what makes Wes Anderson so Wes Anderson

ou can guarantee that no one can polarise a discussion about directors more than Wesley ‘Wes’ Wales Anderson; whilst his fans think his idiosyncratic films are a thing of wonder, detractors firmly settle on the notion his work is fussy, pretentious and artificial. It’s unsurprising that people take such a firm stance on this particular director when most know him as an ‘indie’ director that produces cult films with a taste for character-derived humour, a rock and roll soundtrack and out-of-the-ordinary events. These could sound like the blasé plot devices of a Tarantino film or a Monty Python sketch but Anderson has moulded his own style of directing through use of his rare and special talent that most Hollywood directors are all too soon to dismiss the ability to convey

simple joys and interactions between people. This sounds far too basic to be a unique gift in the diverse film production of today but even amongst talented directors, scripts and characters struggle to possess the same level humanity and intelligent wit that Anderson appears to effortlessly capture. Now I’m not claiming that great directors such as Christopher Nolan, Martin Scorsese or Tim Burton fail completely to produce some flavoursome character portrayals - Tim Burton’s Big Fish is an absolutely wonderful Anderson-style romp - however each fail to consistently capture the small details of a joke or intensive emotion that Anderson manages to achieve. It’s interesting that an individual can form such elaborate and eccentric plots yet still manage to ground them with human emotion that make believability irrelevant. But don’t confuse this flowery gushing with the interpretation that his films are soft and meaningless, though all of his films show tenderness and humour, his vast array of film productions are both powerful and moving. Ever since his 2001 hit The RoyTenenbaums Anderson has al Tenenbaums, slowly immersed himself into his weirder and more wonderful world; simply take a look at his fourth film 2004’s The Life Aquatic With Steve Zissou that composes of an underwater adventure against a glow-in-thedark shark. Although MoonKingdom love-struck rise Kingdom’s 12-year-olds sounds basic enough, Anderson throws

in further details such as Khaki Scout camps as moral law, dancing to Françoise Hardy in underwear and a daring escape attempt on a crabbing boat. His claim that his work is “five degrees removed from reality” just doesn’t quite cover it. Although there are fears that he may alienate the average movie-goer new to his work, these are never completely realised with audiences leaving the cinema enraptured with his unique modes of storytelling and various re-watches result in a true appreciation for his art style.

“Anderson is unlike any director in the sense of storytelling and humour”

A true reflection on Anderson’s uniqueness could not be done justice by the mention of a very special actor that has just managed to break out of his Groundhog Dog loop to star in not one … nor two but seven of Anderson’s total eight productions Bill Murray. Same can be said about Owen Wilson who debuted in 1996’s Bottle Rocket whom is normally typecast in annoying and tiresome toilethumour comedies ultimately manages to shine in Anderson’s productions with joyous wit and charisma of a standard barely reached in simple comedy. I highly doubt that any typical director could see the true potential in a seemingly substandard actor and mold them into a rich and absorbing character. Although Anderson can rely on similar techniques such as a meticulously controlled colour palette and a enthrallment of childhood nostalgia, contrasting these techniques to, say Baz Luhrmann’s over-the-top visuals would be a highly superficial comparison. Anderson is unlike any director in the sense of storytelling and humour meaning that seeing his latest release of The Grand Budapest Hotel is well worth a trip to the cinema.

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“I saved Latin. What did you ever do?” Rushmore (1998)

The Grand Budapest Hotel (15)

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es Anderson encapsulates so many emotions in his films that it becomes impossible to pinpoint their exact temperament. They each have a unique feeling that they imbue upon the audience: they are warming, charming, engrossing, beautiful, mature, and stylish. The Grand Budapest Hotel is no exception. Each character in GBH is impeccably conceived. The cast is huge and star studded, though somehow every individual is personable and even the ‘bad guys’ are really quite charming. The hit-man come private eye Willem Dafoe was in fact one of my favourite characters, his stone cold stare and bone breaking brass knuckles rather endearing. And oh how that man can ski. Wes re-uses many actors here as in many previous films with a few new exceptions such as Jude Law (Young Writer), Ralph Fiennes (Gustave H.), Tony Revolori (Zero). With every individual so perfectly tailored and obviously sculpted by Wes himself there is potential for them to be slightly opaque, as everything is so precise and ordered, with very little room for the actors to play around. Saying that though, the lead role of M. Gustave H. is performed impeccably by Ralph Fiennes. I had completely forgotten that he was Voldemort. His acting is superb: witty, camp,

authoritative, and with an unhealthy lust for old blond women, Gustave H is beautifully portrayed. His obsession over the perfume ‘l’air de panache’ is simple yet delightful. Similarly, lobby boy Zero’s often-skewed drawn on pencil moustache is hilarious and quietly integral. The soundtrack has its own personality, and is completely intoxicating. I often caught myself smiling at the music, so perfectly crafted and suited to each scene. Largely created by award winning composer Alexandre Desplat, with an addition of Russian folk and a touch of Vivaldi, there is a consistent mood and character to the music, as it rises and dips with the pace of the film.

I cannot sing its praises enough. Wes Anderson, infuses his beautiful characteristic cinematography and scripting with a fast paced story of love, death and crime. There is still space for him to explore and move forward, tailoring his charming aesthetics and charismatic dialogue. Yet, consistently his films give hope, their beauty re-instilling all faith in humanity, and enthusing me to start the day with a smile.

300: Rise of an Empire (15)

Nymphomaniac (18)

Stranger By the Lake (18)

Kuzco Let’s be honest, Emperor Kuzco is a bit of a dick at the start of The Emperor’s New Groove, getting people chucked off cliffs for ‘throwing off his groove’ and what-not. But in classic Disney fashion, getting turned into a llama soon sorts him right out. Confusing morals in that one, I’ll admit.

More like this: To Be or Not to Be (1942) Charlie Dearnley

Richard I

When Hollywood met Sherwood, any sense of historical accuracy was decidedly thrown out of the window. The last minute cameo from Sean Connery (in RH: Prince of Thieves) as the suspiciously Scottish-sounding King of England was the icing on this particularly ridiculous cake.

3 George VI

partan crimson is swapped for Athenian blue in 300: Rise of an Empire, the testosterone-fuelled bloodbath that promises a return to former glory, but ultimately falls short. In this prequel-sibling-sequel to 2007’s 300, with events taking place before, during and after the events of the original, the plot remains largely unchanged from Zack Snyder’s epic. The noble Greeks, at the command of seasoned veteran Themistocles (Stapleton), are once again hopelessly outnumbered when facing off against the expansive Persians, this time lead by equally experienced and vengeance-seeking Artemisia (Green). The stylisation of deep colours and deeper blacks gives the film a graphic novel feel which mirrors the source material of Frank Miller. The most redeeming quality of the feature is the action scenes, ancient Greek soldiers slaughtering combatants, with blood, sweat and limbs flying around in abundance. Constant shifts between fast motion and slow motion heightens the audience’s thirst for blood and adrenalin. This intense action and the well-choreographed battle scenes do not save the movie however. As opposed to dialogue and character development taking a backseat to merely supplement the action, it seems as though talking is the norm. And it is this borderline-idiotic dialogue which really brings the film down, with conversations being unbearably awkward, lines being entirely unnecessary and often bad script being executed worse (especially by the likes of Jack O’Connell). Occasional cheap laughs, an excess of characters being brought back from the original and one of the most unnecessary sex-scenes ever in film do this movie no justice and prevent this exhibition of carnage from achieving greatness. More like this: Immortals (2011)

fter four hours of Lars Von Trier’s Nymphomaniac, I walked home shell-shocked, struggling to remember ever feeling so violated by a film in my life. It still remains branded in my mind. The directing, editing and script of these two films are nothing short of brilliant. The performances are equally fantastic (except for Shia Laboef whose British accent is awful). Von Trier once again demonstrates the ability to create layers of meaning that poignantly condense at the film’s climax, as in Dogville and Manderlay especially. Owing to this and to its sheer length, Nymphomaniac’s impact is massive. All of this lends itself to the remorseless verdict on human sexuality that the film suggests. As nymphomaniac Joe (Charlotte Gainsborough) tells her harrowing story to her rescuer Seligman (Stellan Skarsgard), we admire his incredible capacity to reserve all judgment. Increasingly, violence becomes the predominant sexual impulse of Joe’s stories, and the sexually violent content is mercilessly portrayed. We forgive Joe because of the immense suffering we see in her. Any final catharsis is, however, utterly stifled. Von Trier’s films can be seen as provocations in this way; the film seems to perpetuate its own violent sexuality by apparently raping its audience. I couldn’t love this film as I did his others, as it seems to deal with the subject of sexual depravity so intimately, only to eventually defile itself and its viewers as if in mockery. The impression disgusted me. The film remains a masterpiece despite such personal aversions to his vision. But, a warning: Nymphomaniac is void of empathy. For a redeeming approach to sexual addiction, watch Steve Mcqueen’s Shame instead. More like this: Shame (2011)

Daniel Lowther

’ll admit it, I’m quite partial to a high-budget and high-octane Hollywood Blockbuster. For me it’s entertainment at its finest. Stranger by the Lake is quite possibly the polar opposite of this notion. Instead of The Matrix’s CGI city of robots you’ll find yourselves whisked away to South Eastern France where the gorgeous and idyllic Lake of Sainte-Croix awaits. Stranger by the Lake sees Franck, an infrequent visitor to the lake, witness a murder that forces him to wrestle with his deepest emotions and desires. The trouble is, Franck finds himself hopelessly in love with the murderer after a number of erotic and passionate encounters and hence can’t bring himself to face the disturbing reality that his lover has committed an undoubtedly heinous crime. The French language is gorgeous and the dialogue here perfectly exploits its beauty. As the drama unfolds you’ll find yourself being ripped from your comfort zone and thrown into a sinister world of love, sex, death and everything grisly in-between. The frequent, explicit, and extended sex scenes make The Wolf of Wall Street look like a nunnery however they do sometimes make it seem like the story is stalling a little instead of ramping up the drama. Nevertheless, you’ll do well to find a more provocative and enthralling piece of cinematic artistry any time soon. If you’re expecting a conventional Hollywood thriller with reams of popcorn value then you’ll be disappointed. If, however, you’re willing to engage with a thought-provoking drama that will undoubtedly broaden your understanding of the murky depths of human emotion then you’ll find yourself enjoying a fine example of foreign cinema making a welcome foray onto UK screens. More like this: Weekend (2011)

Teddy McDonald

David Naylor

Colin Firth stammered and stuttered his way to a Best Actor Oscar win for his uplifting portrayal of Britain’s most memorable mumbling monarch. Imagine trying to sit through poor old George’s Christmas Day speech though; we’d still be listening now. (The King’s Speech)

Pontius Pilate

There seems to be a speech impediment theme emerging here. To this day it remains difficult to take Michael Palin seriously as a travel programme presenter, when in your head you can’t stop replaying the scene in which his indignant Roman prefect loses his rag because people won’t stop laughing at the name of his good friend Biggus Dickus.

Leonidas

Gerard Butler’s King Leonidas is undoubtedly the most badass movie ruler around. Besides delivering some of the most epic one-liners in film history, his personal body count puts him atop the charts. (300) Luke Davis

26.tvhighlights

Monday 17 March 2014

The Courier

TV Editor: Beth Durant Deputy TV Editor: Helen Daly

TVintage

he theme tune to this 90s classic is definitely a song that belongs on the sound track to my childhood. Auntie Mabel and Pippin were usually sandwiched between The Poddington Peas and The Moomins on a morning. I was never really an outdoors child, but seeing Auntie Mabel’s spotty aeroplane jetting off to a wool factory was a huge temptation. I like knitting, okay? However, I can’t say I was quite so impressed when they ventured down some sewers for the day. Poor Pippin. Whatever happened to good, old-fashioned, educational children’s TV? These days the little tinkers of this world have ended up with the following: floating creatures that do yoga when wind chimes aka Waybuloo and Me Too! I’d prefer not to discuss Me Too - it’s just a sad excuse for a not very Scottish, terribly sung Balamory. Anyway, enough of my complaints about the state of current childrens television - back to Pippin and her lady friend Auntie Mabel.

I think we all have that one episode that we absolutely loved. Some of us may well remember the one where Pippin somehow managed to buy some pretend poo in a joke shop and pretend that she had messed the floor. Oh Pippin, you joker. But, we must remember that Auntie Mabel liked to teach us about safety first. There was that one episode where a lady’s chip pan caught fire and she managed to get herself trapped in a cupboard. Pippin came to the rescue and managed to get the fire brigade just in time. What a surprise- Pippin to the rescue! How many Aunties does it take to change a light bulb? Just Mabel, and only when Pippin is on hand to find her a torch and hold it steady. And of course, Pippin then led our favourite Auntie outside to discover that the street lamp had gone out. We then learnt of course that when street lights don’t work we should call the council. And as students, we’ve all learnt that this only works when Auntie Mabel makes the call. Otherwise you have no other option.

Sometimes, I do end up wondering which one of them was educating us. But, Mabel without Pippin would be like Tesco without Value. In the same way that you need to have seen Come Outside: Crisps. Of course, as children we were all dying to know how crisps are made- I was particularly mesmerised by Skips. And there was the bonus of marmalade and eggs. I was put off the latter from the age of about 6 until the age of 20. If you’re a possible egg-phobe - avoid this episode. I and so many other 20 year olds were distraught on hearing that Pippin had passed away. But, Come Outside will live forever on YouTube for us to marathon one Sunday afternoon. Come on me dears, it’s time to fly! Charlotte Maxwell

True Detective

tarring Matthew McConaughey and Woody Harrelson, True Detective is a moody, gothic detective drama built around a dark storyline that is made all the more difficult to turn away from with the distinctive direction and cinematic style. The series follows the exploits of detectives Rustin Cohle and Martin Hart as they aim to solve the ritualistic murder of a young woman. Set against the backdrop of Southern Louisiana, the audience are treated to a retelling of events surrounding the case, providing an insight into the way these two detectives work, and giving us your classic ‘whodunnit’ tale. But things become complicated, as the flashback style of interviewing the detectives sees the 1995 case reopened as a similar killing takes place in 2012, throwing in the new question of how could the killer strike again if he was caught

back then. From here on out the story grabs you, slowly revealing the flaws of the characters and twisting and turning up to its climatic end. Harrelson and McConaughey are definitely the stars of the show, and they give you the best reason to invest in the program. This is not to say the rest of the cast are bland in anyway, but these two actors come across as being in a league of their own. Harrelson is enticing as the strong willed Martin Hart, a family man who is in a way consumed by the horrific essence of this case and determined to succeed. Then there is McConaughey’s Rustin, an outsider who takes his job in an equally as serious way but presents a wall around himself, whilst being disturbed by his own past of alcoholism and the death of his young daughter. The show almost acts as the stamp of approval on this truly being this era of a McConnaissance, and if Dallas Buyers Club was his ticket to Oscar glory, then True Detective is perhaps McConaughey’s ticket to winning Emmys and Golden Globes next year. Of course these characters also work brilliantly together as this abrasive dynamic duo, and the story becomes even more enticing when you throw in the fact that by

2012, they haven’t spoken to each other for years. The power of the acting is definitely elevated by the potent style of the show, with director Cary Joji Fukunaga gifting his audience with an intense visual piece that sees the Louisiana setting become as much an integral part of the storytelling as it is just another dramatic setting. What also helps is the delicious script writing that comes courtesy of Nic Pizzolatto, who presents his viewers with rich dialogue that is evocative and thought provoking in a way that opens up the narrative as both being simply pushed along by a we want to know who the killer is question, and being made stronger by deeper thoughts about religion and crime. As far as crime dramas go, HBO definitely have a hit with True Detective, a show that slowly simmers in its intensity and keeps you invested in many ways. Even if you’re not normally a person for slow reveals, I have to recommend this, because the intensity of everything just makes it feel like no time passes at all, and as you get hooked from the start, you just have to relax and enjoy the ride.

Jonathan Creek

Revolution

The Valleys

Sky Atlantic, Wednesday 9:30pm

BBC 1,Friday 9pm

t has been ten long years since Jonathan Creek graced our screens as anything more than a holiday special and things have certainly changed for the awkward deduction savant. As of the Easter episode from last year, he has taken a wife (or rather, had a wife take him), become domesticated and turned his back on a not so lucrative career as a magic trick inventor which honed his skills for answering the unanswerable in favour of a cushy desk job. Now, much like any Agatha Christie sleuth, he’ll only be allowed to solve a murder if the corpse (almost literally) flops, bespattered in blood, into his path. The first two episodes have been excruciatingly slow at getting to the crux of the matter, indeed leading the viewer in so many random directions as to make us a little uncertain whether there has been a crime at all until forty-five minutes in. The writers have clearly become too comfortable in their armchair of hour and a half long one-off specials and have forgotten how to write in a concise time frame. Interestingly in the first episode, there is no mystery at all. The viewer knows more about the murder than Jonathan does and that makes me feel very clever and warm inside. It was an alluring tactic if not a bit misplaced in the locked room murder genre. Still, it’s enjoyable. Looking too closely at a show like Jonathan Creek is much like looking too closely at a nipple: the closer you get the uglier they become so its best to recline and enjoy from a distance, leaving its artistry well enough alone. George Smith

f you think you’re tired from post-apocalyptic shows and never want to see them again: no, you’re not and yes, you do, we both know it. There is something very invigorating about a post-apocalyptic scene. And while Revolution only hypes up the trope, it’s definitely worth checking out, especially since NBC has renewed it for a second 22-episode season. Created by Eric Kripke, who most of us remember fondly from Supernatural’s best moments, and branded with J.J. Abrams’ name, Revolution depicts either someone’s greatest dream or their worst nightmare – all technology goes entirely kaput. All electricity blinks out, from iPhones to massive trains. Government collapses and Earth turns into a military-led society. In these stories, we have seen the ‘how’ many times now; the interesting part comes when the characters start asking ‘why’ and ‘who’? And so the surviving Matheson family manage to get themselves into some trouble because they have the answer in the shape of an USB flash drive. Chased by ‘baddie’ Sebastian Monroe who most likely fulfilled his lifelong dream and created his own republic, the family strives to overcome the crisis and restart humanity. I was conflicted by Revolution – the pilot already had way too much happening in one place, all odds saying it was trying to beat the ‘cancellation clock’. Apparently, it did okay, because it’s being renewed for a second season. While at times we believe we’ve seen enough of it, post-apocalyptic stories like these keep rekindling our faith in the future of humanity, no matter how long lost it is. Which is why we keep watching them with avid interest. Antonia Velikova

Christopher Addison

MTV, Tuesday 10pm

he Valleys is back for another series, yawn. Is it just me or aren’t these two-faced friendships, sex conquests and love triangles getting a bit tired now? The necklines of the guys’ shirts are getting progressively lower and lower as each season passes. I don’t know about you, but I’ve seen quite enough baby smooth chest for my liking. Outrageous reality show The Valleys is still going strong as it airs the first few episodes of its third series after heavy advertising rotation on MTV. Plucking 8 individuals from the South Wales Valleys, the show follows their so-far-unsuccessful search for fame and fortune. This series we are set to see the group taking the infamous Valleywood Nights away from Cardiff to Bristol, Liverpool and Dublin – look out. With new boy Jack, a male stripper and set to cause a stir, the show is wilder than before. Whilst the house members try to impress their ‘mentors’ Jordan and AK, they are more often than not seen being distracted from the road to glory, instead on the road to getting hammered. Each episodes features high heels, bulging biceps, love proclamations, fake boobs, fake hair, fake eyelashes and girls who forget to put their trousers on before going out, and not much else. I feel this show has a touch of the Jeremy Kyle-ness about it; you begin to feel good about yourself after watching someone legitimately ask what an assistant is. Despite the silliness involved and lack of substance the show does prove an entertaining watch. Katherine Jones

The Courier

featurestv.27

Monday 17 March 2014

Snog, marry or axe?

BBC3 has recently been axed with plans to make it an online-only channel. Ellie McLaren looks to see if we should let it go or if we should rally together and #SaveBBC3

oung people and celebrities alike have joined forces in a bid to save BBC3. The BBC have axed youth channel BBC3 with plans to make it an online only channel by 2015, in an effort to save the corporation £100million a year. Yet despite the public out roar against Tony Hall, Director-General of the BBC, I’m still so on the fence over the whole situation that I’ve started getting splinters on my bottom. The multi-award-winning channel, which has given us the likes of Gavin and Stacey and Little Britain over the years, is set to close next year if the decision is approved by the BBC Trust. Over the last few days, over 120,000 signatures have been collected in the online petition against the cuts, with the likes of Nick Grimshaw and Russell Kane urging their Twitter followers to do the same and force the Trust to decline the proposal. It seems to me that Grimshaw and Kane are so set against the move because it will reduce their bulging pay packets from the corporation: both head shows on the channel and have criticised the culling of such a culturally-driven channel. But their argument that new talent will not have a platform in the future is completely invalid in my opinion. New shows will still receive funding and be broadcast on the online version of the channel, which, to me, will get just as many views from students like us as well as others in the 16-30 age bracket. Think about it. The majority of student accommodations don’t offer a TV and Freeview (and even if they do, we can’t afford the TV licence), and we’re always too busy drinking/napping/procrastinating online to watch shows when they’re actually broadcast. iPlayer allows us to watch the stuff worth watching at our convenience already, so the new plan doesn’t even really change anything.

Chandler Bing

“I don’t want to be the guy who has a problem with his boss slapping his bottom.” “I’m hopeless, and awkward, and desperate for love.” “Hell is filled with people like you.” “Until I was 25, I thought the response to ‘I love you’ was ‘Oh, crap’” “All right, look if you absolutely have to tell her at least wait until the timing is right and that’s what deathbeds are for.” But let’s be honest, is there really that much worth watching on BBC3 nowadays? It’s become a channel of re-runs and less than impressive comedy. Dare I mention Bluestone 42, featuring Brian from My Parents Are Aliens? What were you thinking Brian?! In its heyday, BBC3 was the source of the best comedy around, acting as a testing-ground for shows destined for primetime BBC1 or BBC2. It was even quite good at drama, being the first home of Doctor Who spin-off Torchwood. I still watch BBC3, don’t get me wrong. But this is predominantly at 3am, drunkenly lolling on the sofa goggling at Don’t Tell The Bride or Snog, Marry, Avoid whilst still reminiscing about the takeaway

I’d just had at Salt ‘n’ Pepper. But when it’s gone, I can just pick up the remote and go to Dave and watch the brilliant crap on there instead. So my point is, are people actually that bothered about #SaveBBC3, or is it just a case of jumping on the bandwagon to look like you know and care about what’s going on in the news today? I’m not majorly fussed, if it goes it doesn’t really go anyway. We live in the 21st century, not the Dark Ages. It’s not a cull of youth expression and entertainment, it’s just a reinvention of it which, when you think about it, suits our needs more. So really, we maybe should be thanking Tony Hall for making BBC3 so modern and techy-whizzy.

Cartoon Network’s Adventure Time is the latest kids’ cartoon to break out into the adult world. Charlie Dearnley tries his best to explain how and why

Whose one-liner is it anyway?

Each week we pick a quotable character that delivers us perfect one-liners. This week we take a look at Chandler Bing

What time is it? ake is a magic dog capable of shape shifting; Finn is his adopted brother and the last human. Together they have magical adventures, heroically rescuing princesses from the cold clutches of the Ice King, exploring dungeons, and partying with Lumpy Space Princess. If you’ve never seen Adventure Time and all of this means nothing to you then oh my Glob, what the lump guys? Seriously, it is unacceptable. It’s a very difficult show to describe without sounding like appropriate loony bin material. In one episode an army of zombie candy people attacks Princess Bublegum’s castle and Finn strug-

thecourieronline.co.uk/tv c2.tv@ncl.ac.uk | @courier_tv

gles with keeping secrets… I sound insane. Every episode is only ten minutes long, making it far too easy to become completely embroiled in the psychedelic, rainbow intensive land of Ooo. It’s like an ADHD rainbow made of LSD tabs is vomiting onto a conveyer belt and passing swiftly before your eyes. Hours disappear in what feels like minutes. Time is comfortably fragmented. The land of Ooo by the way is the world of Adventure Time. There are so many names and references that it is almost impossible to talk about the show without having to constantly explain oneself. This creates a strange immature camaraderie be-

tween the show’s fans; the theme song even including the lyric “come on grab your friends.” As soon as you realize that someone else is remotely aware of the program the quotes begin, and cascade in a mass to challenge Jake’s infinite morphing potential. A battle also consistently ensues to discern who has the best Lumpy Space Princess impression, with both parties shouting in a whiney guttural tone “I just want a swimsuit body!” At this point I think it’s about time to bring up the Earl of Lemongrab. He is the single most terrifying children’s program character I have ever had the fortune to encounter. Yes, even more unnerving than Maca Paca, Iggle Piggle, and the Tweenies combined in some strange bigheaded fabric humanoid nightmare. Lemongrab is the heir to the Candy Kingdom, and woe is the day that he takes the throne. He is obnoxious, socially unaware, and eats those that attempt to flee his totalitarian home. But they don’t merely digest and die, they suffer a fate worse than any death imaginable. They live inside his belly. When his clone broke their porcelain son in a fight as to whether he should dance or sleep in a bonnet, he devoured him… I await the episode where Finn and Jake vanquish him once and for all with anxious trepidation. He’s far more bone chilling than the Ice King himself, the main man of evil and wrongdoing in the land of Ooo. He may be into the business of kidnapping, but all the poor lonely chap wants is love. And he has a splendid beard. Adventure Time is the Clangers of our generation. It is supposedly made for children but the reality it that its viewership is predominantly young adults, often embroiled in a substance heavy hobby, it’s pretty damn trippy! If you have yet to discover its surreal dreamlike world, go and check it out, the fun will never end.

“Donald Duck never wore pants. But whenever he’s getting out of the shower, he always puts a towel around his waist, I mean what is that all about?” “All right. Rock, paper, scissors for who has to tell the whore to leave.” “Oh man. In my next life I’m coming back as a toilet brush.” “I made cranberry sauce. No...chanberry sauce.” “I didn’t get to shake my belly like a bowl full of jelly.” “We swallow our feelings, even if we’re unhappy forever. Sound good?” “On a scale of 1 to 10, 10 being the dumbest a person can look, you are definitely 19.” “Well if I were a guy...wait, did I just say ‘If I were a guy’?” “Hi, I’m Chandler and I make jokes when I’m uncomfortable.” “Wait a minute, I know that hat. I was taken aboard that hat. They did experiments on me. I can’t have children!” “Sometimes I wish I was a lesbian. (Everyone turns to stare at him) Did I just say that out loud?” “Mr Millionaire, new from Snooty Playthings! Third wife sold separately!” “You know what this is like? This is like when my parents got divorced. Man, I hope Ross doesn’t try to kidnap me after Cub Scouts.”

Check us out online at thecourieronline.co.uk/tv

28.artsfeature

Monday 17 March 2014

The Courier

Thinking outside the blocks

Holly Suttle visited the Centre for Life to discover the magical miniature world of Warren Elsmore’s Lego sculptures. Lego so large that there’s no possibility of painfully wedging it between your toes

he latest exhibition open this month at Newcastle’s Centre for Life could be compared to a miniature version of the notorious Legoland. Featuring an enormous model of London’s St. Pancreas, the 2014 Olympic Stadium and much, much more, the exhibition titled ‘Brick City’ is both impressively innovative, charismatically creative and brimming with imagination from cities all around the world. Attending the exhibition, I felt some sort of nostalgic urge inspired by these buildings — I have never wanted to make something out of lego more in my life. All the models are made entirely by hand out of Lego and are extremely detailed in their design; despite each piece being no bigger than about 2cm cubed, the Lego buildings appear to have a faultlessly strong structure with the majority of the models being to scale. Looking closely at the St. Pancreas model made

me feel as if I was actually at the train station, the amount of detail that is in these buildings is phenomenal. Even a lego business man with a briefcase on his way to work features amongst many other lego pieces in this model. It is like staring into a miniature world, or London itself, where the city has been morphed into lego and you are the giant cyclops gazing in. If you stare long enough you expect the pieces to start moving at any minute. Who doesn’t love lego? Everyone remembers being a small kid, building rockets, houses and all sorts of things out of these plastic bricks. I vaguely remember owning a Harry Potter Lego Hagrid’s hut myself. Model maker, Warren Elsmore, talks in his interview about his designs, and how he managed to make the world’s most famous monuments out of thousands of pieces of Lego.

Meeting Warren Elsmore: The man behind the miniature models What inspired you to start building?

I started out as a kid, the same as everyone else did, playing Lego when I was little. I came back to Lego in my early twenties, and about five years ago, people started to ask me to do commercial builds. I was asked to do commissions of various things, but at the same time, I built the large St. Pancreas model as it’s a lovely building, so I built it because I liked it. At the start of 2012 I was approached by a publisher who said would you like to write a book for St. Pancreas and various other architectural icons, create them all out of lego and make instructions for how to build them.

There are an awful lot of bricks in that! How many pieces of lego did you use to make the model? Oh! I stopped counting. [Laughs] But probably about 180,000 for that one.

How long did it take you to build the London St. Pancreas building in total? About 500 hours overall.

Buildings like the Panthenon for instance, I noticed are filled with lego pieces of the same colour. How did you manage to distinguish between all the different pieces? Well, I have a large workshop, and neatly have all the bricks organised in containers. So for instance, I’ll order 1,000 or 2,000 of one colour and shape, and keep them organised and separated from the other Lego pieces. But with the Panthenon, it depends whether you want to use the arches that ‘Lego’ make, to get the dimensions and sizes right, or if you want to build your own arches. Making your own arches means the building will be significantly bigger, and potentially too big to move. I needed to use CAD (Computer Aided Design) to get the instructions for them and the dimensions right, so I know if it’s possible to make the design. You need to know things like measurements and

stuff beforehand, so you don’t make mistakes when building it.

Have you ever visited some of the places that you’ve made Lego buildings of in order to make the Lego buildings?

Some of them, some of them. Not the ones I’d like to! I’ve not been to Rio yet! [laughs] And I would like to go to South America. A lot of the smaller models I did freehand. The bigger ones I would have to design first on CAD.

Do you superglue the pieces together?

No — about 90% of the buildings are all just Lego. It’s only for structural reasons that I’ll use glue, just to make sure the models don’t break, especially when you have to haul them around. But Lego is usually strong enough. It’s the same Lego kids use!

eing his full-time job, many could argue that Warren’s love for Lego is a hobby gone too far. But Warren disagrees with this, as he believes that there is not another job in the world he’d rather have — Warren Elsmore is making giant lego models, and getting paid for it. Overall, I think he’s doing a good job. Through the jovial nature of his expressions and upbeat tone of his voice, it is more than easy to detect that Warren is enthralled to have such a large amount of interest from the public and equally has a large amount of pride for his Lego models.

Warren Elsmore is making giant lego models, and getting paid for it

As a self-renounced ‘AFOL’ (adult fan of Lego), Warren expresses the difficulty and intricacy of creating these buildings. Many have found the designs in his book absolutely spectacular, describing it as ‘fascinating’, ‘beautifully put together’ and a ‘wonderful gift for an adult Lego enthusiast’. Every one of his buildings has been beautifully photographed and printed in his book in high quality, complete with inspirational instructions on how to actually build the models yourself. Fancy building some-

thing? Well, if you want to impress, then you’ve got a long way to go with Warren Elsmore swiping the title of the master of Lego creations this 2014. Inspirational Lego work is not for the faint hearted; it appears you need a methodical and mathematical mind set to acquire the correct skills for this intense challenge of model making. And an awful lot of patience at that, too.

If you are an adult fan of Lego, or just a very big child, then get yourself down to Newcastle’s Centre for Life before the exhibition is over. Bookings can be done in advance online, or on the day — check out their website for availability (http://www.life.org.uk). If you can’t make it, then Warren’s book Brick City is available in store and online (RRP £12.99).

The Courier

fashionfeature.29

Monday 17 March 2014

Sibling rivalry

Fashion Editors: Frances Stephenson and Amy O’Rourke Deputy Fashion Editor: Bex Finney

The Fashion Editors give us the edit of their favourite fashionable siblings and their most memorable sartorial choices

Beyonce vs Solange Knowles

Solange

Queen Bey

Solange has so much more to offer in the style wars. Repeatedly photographed in fashion magazines wearing quirky patterns and co-ord suits, Solange is definitely more of a risk taker when it comes to fashion. Her white Phillip Lim trouser/T-shirt combo she wore to the ‘eBay celebrates the future of shopping’ event was sports luxe at its finest and more than that, it was just down right cool.

Queen B is called the Queen for a reason. She is flawless. From the throw back days when her mum would tailor make the outfits for Destiny’s Child to now owning her fashion line, House of Dereon, Beyonce is one sexy mama. Often sporting an OTT amount of bling and figure flaunting dresses, but then again if I had that body I probably wouldn’t even bother wearing clothes.

Mary Kate vs Ashley Olsen

Mary Kate

The 90s was an era of great television and if you were anything like me the Olsen twins were your ultimate style icons. Since the 90s the twin’s individual styles have developed and they are firm fashion faves. Mary-Kate has always had a bit more of a tomboy edge, as seen on Two of a Kind. Her style is a little more dishevelled, she often works bed hair, smudged eyeliner and oversized boyfriend shirts.

The Haim sisters

Alana Haim

Baby Haim tends to show off her AMAZING legs in her statement cut off Levis denim. A staple for any festival goer, Baby Haim upgrades to luxe tough mudder with a glamorous leather jacket and immaculately tamed extra long hair- tossed around with rock star sass.

Danielle Haim

Lead singer Danielle opts for casual LA chic more often than sexy seductress. Pictured in a safari shirt in a neutral tone, Danielle perfectly encapsulates the off duty rock star. Ray Bans complete the look and the signature Haim long locks let you know who’s sister she is.

Ashley

Ashley Olsen has always been one of my favourite fashion icons; her polished boho look is timeless. Ashley is often pictured wearing neutral tones such as black or tan and adds colour by throwing on a pink scarf or red lippy. To pull of her sleek style key pieces are essential; a black boyfriend blazer, white shirt, over sized shades and glossy blonde locks.

Cara vs Poppy Delavingne

Este Haim

Este makes the most of her blonde locks by off setting her hair colour with a Russian red lipstick as a rule. Older and wiser than the other two sisters, Este rocks floaty hippy dresses rather than short shorts, a look more accessible for those without the legs of a Giselle.

Cara

Cara’s off-duty style is the epitome of cool, with fun accessories, grungey make-up and a sense of humour. Cara makes use of bold patterns and is regularly pictured in dramatic slogan tees and patterned leggings, not shying away from bright colours either but still keeping it perfectly grungey.

Poppy

Poppy however, is often pictured in structured blazers and perfect, clean make-up. Her glossy blonde hair never seems to let a hair fall from place matching her preppymeets-cool style. Poppy’s style definitely resembles her place as the older sister, often opting for more sensible pieces than her sibling.

Illustrations by Emily North

30.music

Monday 17 March 2014

The Courier

Music Editors: Kate Bennett and Ian Mason

RAGE

against the

ROUTINE

Connor McDonnell doesn’t think Arctic Monkeys look good on the dance ﬂoor - or anywhere

fter witnessing Alex Turner’s pseudoprofound BRIT Awards speech, some seething epiphany resonated with me. What irked me the most was the comment about how rock ‘n’ roll will “smash through the glass ceiling”. To me, such a statement indicates that Alex Turner, the pretentious bellend, believes that his perception of ‘rock ‘n’ roll’ is constantly suppressed and in perpetual war with some unknown force. This is such a revolutionary teenage-boy claim about a situation that doesn’t even exist, something so tiny that nobody cares. When Turner dropped the microphone it was like watching him throw all of his toys out of the pram; you could almost feel the scorching shame of his bandmates, hidden underneath their broken smiles as they stood behind him. They picked up the BRIT award for Best Album with AM. There are two things wrong with that sentence: a BRIT AWARD (apparently, that’s still a thing), and AM as best album. Firstly, the BRITs are nothing more than the monopoly of charttopping artists basking in their commercial success with some meaningless trophy and title. What is exactly ‘rock’ ‘n roll’ about that, Alex? Secondly, AM as the Best Album of 2013 is a bold statement. Its content is nothing more than the same simple riff, taken from the early single ‘R U Mine?’, very slightly altered and plonked in to pretty much every song on the album.

“All that Arctic Monkeys have developed into is an image”

Following AM and their streak of awards, including their BRIT award, a lot of the hype for Arctic Monkeys came from that infectious NME bug where people seem to obey anything that comes crawling out of the popular music magazine. With NME having their tongues buried deep within Arctic Monkeys’ anuses – mainly Turner’s - any reader who is too simple-minded to pass their own judgement will also hail Alex Turner & crew as messiahs. I’m not usually one to say it, but their earlier stuff was genuinely better. To me What Ever People Say I Am… and Favourite Worst Nightmare contain the clarity of Arctic Monkeys’ roots, with their lyrics so much more personal, reflecting the atmosphere of Sheffield - the proper teenage angst kind of stuff. Maybe it is their move to America that has tainted their initial musical inspiration and emptied them of their originality, replacing them with some sexualised replica of what has come before - see Turner’s cheap Elvis imitations. That is all that Arctic Monkeys have developed into: an image.

The Take Off and Landing of Everything I

t’s been nearly six years since ‘One Day Like This’ dropped, the track that thrust a little known alternative rock band from Ramsbottom into major stadium tours and even the 2012 Olympic opening ceremony. ‘One Day Like This’ has since been omnipresent in our lives, being played at every sporting event and bar across the country, with its great, sweeping sound and great sing along lyrics, who can really blame it? Some thought it was perhaps a bit too big, a bit too grandiose, and it looks as if Elbow have agreed with them. The Take Off and Landing of Everything is a much simpler, more intimate affair than their previous album, 2011’s Build a Rocket Boys! And there are no songs attempting to recreate their most famous track.

“This album is Elbow doing what Elbow do best”

If that last paragraph implied that Elbow were attempting to mix things up with this new outing, though, think again. This latest album is Elbow doing what Elbow do best, delivering Garvey’s Northern pub philosophy-inspired lyrics on top of a slowly-building prog-influenced sound, all the while ensuring that each track goes in an unpredictable direction. You need look no further for an example of this then the title track ‘This Blue World’, a seven-minute opener which completely shifts little more than two minutes from the end with a sudden change in melody, all backed by mercurial keyboard. The make-up of Elbow hasn’t changed since its inception over fifteen years ago (in fact, the current line-up has existed longer than the Elbow name itself) and many of the band have settled down with families of their own. Why this is relevant is due

to The Take Off and Landing of Everything’s central theme of a bunch of middle-aged men struggling to come to terms with their age. ‘Charge’, one of the few more bombastically orchestrated tracks, demonstrates this, with lyrics seething of a middleaged man coming to terms with the existence of an entire generation that sees him as a relic - “Glory be, these fuckers ignoring me, I’m from another century”. This theme is carried through to ‘My Sad Captains’, with its distorted noise during a singalong moment, making the whole affair sound easy, describing middle-aged life as “a perfect waste of time”. Another track worth mentioning is the first single from the album, ‘New York Morning’. While the music itself sounds fairly good throughout (especially as it builds to the climax) there is something about Garvey’s lyrics which come off at times as dreary and over-emotional, and sometimes even slipping to a clichéd sense of city life, “Oh my giddy aunt, New York can talk”. Despite this however, the song’s closing moments build to a beautiful picture. There are some songs that divert from the standard Elbow affair this new album presents, and not very successfully - the weird, out-of-place electronic segment in ‘Honey Sun’. What we are left with is a distinctly Elbow-sounding album, and while many would argue that this lack of change is a bad thing, I would certainly argue otherwise. Elbow are a unique band, who deliver a competent performance every time, and when the album is as good as this, who needs surprises? Recommended download: ‘New York Morning’ Michael Hicks

A Perfect Contradiction

Under the Rainbow

If you like this, try ... Doves Kingdom of Rust

f Elbow’s gently euphoric sound tugs at your heartstrings, check out Kingdom of Rust, the fourth album from their fellow Mancunians, Doves. Frontman Jimi Goodwin is the main support on Elbow’s upcoming arena tour - so a dream lineup for fans of uplifting, melodic rock.

Lost in the Dream

Paloma Faith

Black Lips

Elbow

The War on Drugs

Recommended download: ‘Drive By Buddy’

Recommended download: ‘Only Love Can Hurt Like This’

Recommended download: ‘Under the Pressure’

lack Lips have managed to amass a grand total of six generally well received albums but still they’ve remained on the peripheries of wide-spread musical success, even when they had Mark Ronson as producer on their last release Arabia Mountain. To a certain extent they could be compared to post-punk outsiders, The Fall, in that they’re certainly prolific but their influence is at times omnipresent throughout their latest release Underneath the Rainbow. Their seventh release fuses their Deep South roots with their early 1980s, romanticised punk leanings to create the sort of album you’d expect to find in the psychobilly section of your nearest independent record shop. Opener ‘Drive By Buddy’ is a foot stomping hootenanny of a track and ‘Smiler’ is a rallying cry for nostalgic punks. ‘Make You Mine’, ‘Boys in the Wood’, ‘Dorner Party’, and ‘Do The Vibrate’ all pay their homage to classic rock ‘n’ roll but inflect it with the cynical mindlessness of The Ramones to create a 2014 release that sounds like it was released 35 years ago. In interviews during the production sessions, the band acknowledged the Southern influence that went into the recording of this album and I for one could picture myself driving down some dusty, desert road in some Quentin Tarantino directed crime caper with this album blasted on the soundtrack. Although Black Lips have tended to be lumped into the lo-fi scene of recent years, this is an album that pays too much attention to the past to identify with a current music mag description.

Jamie Shepherd

he third album from Hackney soul-pop songstress Paloma Faith is unfortunately well-named - a perfect contradiction to the initial promise of her earlier career. The arty and eccentric 32-year-old (32!) was once, perhaps unfairly, cast in the same light as the late Amy Winehouse, with soulful tracks such as ‘Stone Cold Sober’, ‘Upside Down’ and ‘New York’. Now she produces pick ‘n’ mix, feckless radio pop with Pharrell Williams. ‘Can’t Rely on You’ is still just as terrible as that time you saw it on Graham Norton. Her excuse is that she is ‘sick of being miserable’, tired of the ballads for which she was first acclaimed. Unlike her last album, this is certainly a fall from grace; the former backing singer is fading into the background, and sharply. The genre-defying theatrical jazz of ‘Other Woman’ and ‘Trouble with My Baby’ will no doubt have caught the money-making ear of West End overlord Andrew Lloyd-Webber. Perhaps it is the future. Or maybe, just maybe, it’s a car crash - and that of an L.A taxi driver who’s cassette is stuck on ‘70s disco. ‘Impossible Heart’ is so incredibly outdated, I cannot think of anyone who would listen to it, whilst ‘Taste My Own Tears’, despite initial promise, is all too familiar. The one highlight of the album, ‘Only Love Can Hurt Like This’ must be the template for any future record, although I’m not sure how she can return from this. Overall - a thoroughly disappointing listen.

Joe Tetlow

f Bob Dylan had fronted a post-punk band, the result may have sounded a lot like The War On Drugs’ third album Lost In The Dream. While a lot less echoey, shoegazy, and Velvet Underground-y than previous releases, this new, more polished sound lends itself extremely well to the trademark guitar plucking of lead singer and guitarist Adam Granduciel, creating an overall soundscape that is reminiscent of almost every single brooding musician I love from the mid ’80s-early ’90s. Opener ‘Under The Pressure’ has the menacing jangle you’d expect from the darkest realms of the 4AD label, while the synth opening of ‘Red Eyes’ sounds so like Suede’s ‘Animal Nitrate’ that I expected to hear Brett Anderson’s androgynous howl. ‘Disappearing’ has Joy Division’s haunted guitars, while ‘The Haunting Idle’ wouldn’t be out of place on a This Mortal Coil LP. Overall this album exudes a sensual melancholy that seems to pay homage to misery guts music-makers from Krautrock up to The Cure’s Faith period, but the overriding influence I heard is the Australian psych band The Church, who you might remember from their track ‘Under The Milky Way’, featured on the Donnie Darko soundtrack. While the album for obvious reasons shares sensibilities with releases by Kurt Vile (Granduciel was a founding member of Kurt’s backing band The Violators), Lost In The Dream seems less preoccupied with earthy wholesomeness and more with creating some cosmic connection with another plain. In other words - this one’s for the stoners.

Jamie Shepherd

The Courier

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Monday 17 March 2014

thecourieronline.co.uk/music c2.music@ncl.ac.uk | @courier_music

CULT

SceNE: Venues

Each week we take a closer look at a different spot in Newcastle’s music scene. This week: The Head of Steam

CLASSICS

ne of the most intimate venues in the region, the Head of Steam is also one of the easiest to find. Located on Neville Street right in front of Central Station, even the laziest of you are in for a treat. Head of Steam’s charm is in its intimacy: the venue is in the basement, doesn’t have a stage and viewing angles are at a premium - in every way it really should be shit. It isn’t. The lack of stage means that the audience and the band are in such close proximity that in popular instances the singer and the front of the audience can end up battling for room; it has the feel of a punk gig even in the most laid-back of circumstances. The sound resonates fantastically to hold the sound in a cavernous room, so you’re practically certain to leave with your ears ringing. The sign of a true old fashioned, no-frills gig. The Head of Steam is also a CAMRA-endorsed real ale pub, with a fantastic array of world beers to give even the mighty Brewdog a run for its money. It isn’t outrageously expensive and there is certain to be something new for you to try. If you don’t

Talking Heads

want to see the gig, there is an upstairs bar which is always lively, with people from all walks of life and easy-flowing conversation Lets be realistic though, it’s music you’re reading this article for, and the variety of gig listings is vast, with something on almost every night in the basement, be it local acts or larger national ones, Eagulls, who we featured recently, sold the place out last week, while the current listings feature everything from folk to heavy metal. One thing to keep in mind however is that the shape of the building is enormously unsuited to viewing bands. While this adds to the charm of the place, it does mean that if you really want to see the band you need to get down early or you’ll end up with a beam in your way - or even worse around a corner, completely out of sight of the

band. If you’re at the front however, you can literally feel the music, which is surely what gig going is all about. Directions: Walking: On the same street as Central Station, on the corner to the right next door to The Den Buses: This is Central Station, so pretty much any bus will go here, if you’re coming from Heaton then the Number 1 stops right outside, then follow the walking instruction. Metro: Central Station, then follow the walking instructions. Ian Mason

Are we entering an age of featured artist-overload? Christopher Addison and John Hardy debate

usic is all about creating your own artistic vision, giving listeners your view of life and delving into your own emotions. So when artists fill albums with a whole load of guests, they dilute their identity and make it hard for consumers to understand the whole point they are trying to make. The main problem with features is that it is an incredibly hard thing to create the right balance between each of the artists. Usually songs with featured artists end up going one of two ways. You are either treated to songs where it feels pointless for the featured artist to even be credited - as in the case of pretty much every Pitbull song where some random female singer comes on board for the pop hook - or you’re treated to a song that is meant to be led by a certain artist, but the featured performer ends up stealing the limelight. It’s like having a supportive friend who decides they’d better take control and goes on to just make things all

“When artists fill albums with guests, they dilute their identity”

about them. When you then takes things to the extreme by packing an album’s worth of material with features, then things just get more confusing and if an album is going to have lots of features, then the main artist has to continually keep control and in a way be selfish with their music, because they are ultimately telling their story and nobody else’s. But when you’re dealing with an art form that is as detailed and powerful as music, then only once in a blue moon will an artist be able to actually produce

Kate Bennett on The Comforts of Madness, the 1990 debut from forgotten shoegazers Pale Saints

lenty of bands from the late ‘80s/early ‘90s shoegazing scene have faded into obscurity over the intervening couple of decades: some deservedly, others less so. Pale Saints unquestionably fall into the latter category. While albums such as My Bloody Valentine’s Loveless, Slowdive’s Souvlaki and Ride’s Nowhere have since reached seminal status for fans of ethereal soundscapes and swathes of noise, Pale Saints’ The Comforts of Madness has quietly vanished into the footnotes of British indie history. The Comforts of Madness falls towards the dreamier, poppier end of the shoegaze spectrum, though it’s still experimental and clattering enough to elicit raised eyebrows from anyone less acclimatized to the genre’s blend of uncompromising distortion and shiver-inducing melody. Pale Saints’ frontman Ian Masters has one of the most arresting voices in alternative rock; his angelic, buttery choirboy tones come, perversely, as a shock when they kick in on opening track ‘The Way the World Is’, after the song’s frenetic, atonal cacophony of an introduction.

“An addictively unsettling listen”

an album with a range of other artists and still keep this control. At the end of the day I am not asking for artists to stop collaborating; just keep it to a maximum of two features an album.

Christopher Addison

widely criticised characteristic of LPs using a plethora of guest features is that they dilute the artist’s original vision. However, I believe this isn’t the case: if an artist’s vision has suffered at the hands of too many features, then it probably wasn’t so strong in the first place. Kendrick Lamar’s good kid M.A.A.D city and Kanye West’s Yeezus are two of the most critically acclaimed records of this decade. One of the plaudits they both received from all corners is that they were even stronger as a whole than the sum of their parts, and this was because of the artists’ unerring desire to mould every last detail to fit their aesthetic. However, a look at the albums’ production teams shows that they were far from being solo ef-

forts. On Kendrick’s LP, the more traditional hiphop record, each track is produced by somebody different, so it is testament to his work with these producers that there is such a distinctive sound to the album. Kanye’s record, which was far from traditional, involved him inviting in some of the most exciting young electronic music producers on the planet to work under his wing and create a ground breaking piece of work.

“If an artist’s vision has suffered from too many features, it probably wasn’t so strong in the first place” Of course, when many think of a guest feature a vocalist springs to mind. Guest vocalists help break up the monotony of a singular voice throughout a record. Furthermore, they’re what get people excited when an album track list is released. Think how many headlines take the format “X releases upcoming tracklist for Y: Z is featuring!” The prospect of talented artists collaborating together will not only always excite people but also it gives the opportunity for some truly excellent music. Long may it carry on. John Hardy

This juxtaposition of the beautiful and the strange is something Pale Saints have got nailed: whenever you think you’ve settled into a fairly standard jangle-pop track, they’ll wrongfoot you with a haunting key change, a sudden tempo-shift, a wiry guitar hook that scrapes against your eardrums like cutlery on china. It makes for an addictively unsettling listen, compounded by the off-kilter harmonies between vocals, guitar and bass. You constantly feel as though you’re hovering on the edge of a melodic resolution that you can’t quite grasp – and then when the band give it to you, in a big old anthemic chorus or bridge, the satisfaction is ten times as sweet. There isn’t a sub-par track on the album. ‘Sight Of You’, five minutes of languid basslines and adorably direct lyrics (“the things you said make me feel bad, my heart is sad”) amid a gradually building haze of ringing guitars, is a standout track – comfortably holding its own against better-known lovestruck shoegazing anthems like the Valentines’ ‘Sometimes’ and Ride’s ‘Vapour Trail’. ‘True Coming Dream’ and closing track ‘Time Thief ’ see irresistible, high-energy jangle-pop choruses emerge from ominously dissonant verses, like the sun coming out from behind a bank of cloud; ‘You Tear The World In Two’ builds its initially hushed layers of melody into an unstoppable wall of sound. The Comforts of Madness, as with any good shoegazer album, is a grower – but once you acquire the taste, you’ll be hooked.

For gig reviews, interviews and more web features, visit us online at thecourieronline.co.uk/music

32.science&technology

Monday 17 March 2014

The Courier

Science Editor: Elizabeth Hampson Deputy Science Editors: Emad Ahmed and Peter Style

Got milk? Well, we’ve goat silk

Spider silk can be used for numerous purposes, bullet proof vests, surgical threads and parachutes to name a few, however it is difﬁcult to farm, here enters the goat, Penny Polson tells us how goats could be the answer

enetic engineering of animals has taken some odd turns in recent years. We have used a green fluorescent protein taken from a jellyfish to create glow-in-the-dark cats, and created ‘environmentally friendly pigs’, which produce 70% less phosphorus in their digestive tract than the average counterpart. The cats are cool, and the pigs make our farming habits cleaner. But goats that produce a spider silk protein in their milk? What is the point of that?

“From an animal welfare stand point, the process is the same as any other dairy animal being milked”

Spider silk is an incredibly strong and versatile material. It has been used over the ages on wounds by the ancient Greeks, and is currently utilised by Solomon Islanders as fishing lines. It is also a highly acidic material, and is able to combat bacterial growth. Developers of the Spidey Goat claim that it is a good way of mass producing spider silk for new purposes, such as bullet proof vests, surgical threads and even parachutes. But why do we even need the goat? The problem of farming spiders is that they are territorial, and tend to kill each other if many are placed in small confinement. They are therefore not ideal candidates for packing in small space for the harvest of their silk. Goats on the other

hand have been farmed for thousands of years, are smaller than cows for space, and can be milked. The biosynthesis of getting the goat to produce the spider silk protein was done by Professor Randy Lewis, at Utah University. The protein for the silk of an Orb Weaving spider is very similar to a protein naturally found in goat’s milk. Therefore, it wasn’t difficult to place the gene from the spider which encodes for the silk production, and place it in the DNA which promotes milk production in the goat’s udders. This was the process which happened to Freckles the goat, who gave birth and began producing milk containing spider silk proteins. The individual proteins found free in the goat’s milk are then filtered out, and form the spider silk we are more familiar with. It seems like a relatively simple process, but the repercussions could be substantial. The combination of elasticity and strength makes it ideal for biomedical uses of ligament repair and even artificial tendons. Additionally, the antibacterial compounds mean it would decrease the risk of post-op infections. The military may also take a high interest in the compound, with spider silk proving to have a greater strength than steel and high

flexibility. Goat-spider silk may lead to whole body armour which is light and protects the head and face.

“Freckles the goat gave birth and began producing milk containing spider silk”

However, it isn’t quite as straight forward to say goat spider silk is in our technological future. It is an extremely high value commodity due to the lengthy process of raising the goats to an age when they can be impregnated in order for lactation to begin. Also, not all offspring will bear the gene for spider silk production, and even if they do, those born male have little use in the field. With so many genetically engineered organisms already being created, it would be difficult to argue about the specific ethics surrounding the spider silk goat – especially as it has a potentially viable financial future with medical and military interest. But some people do object to the overall process of ‘playing god’, and creating organisms which are not as they ‘naturally occur’. From an animal welfare stand point, the process is the same as other diary animals being milked, although extra attention to ensure there are no negative side effects occurring due to the extra protein would have to take place. Overall, Freckles the goat represents a big bound forward in the production of ultra-strong materials. How far the uses of spider silk will go is anyone’s guess, but it does have huge potential.

Trialsanderrors

Genetically engineered animals Glow in the dark cats: In 2007, South Korean scientists took skin cells from Turkish Angora cats and inserted a virus with genetic instructions to make red fluorescent protein, altering their DNA and producing glow in the dark cats. Enviropig: a pig has been genetically altered to aid its digestion of phosphorus. Pig manure is high in a form of phosphorus, which means when the manure is used as a fertilizer it causes algae blooms that deplete oxygen in the water and kill marine life. Scientists added an E. Coli bacteria to a pig embryo. This decreased the pig’s phosphorous output by as much as 70 percent meaning the pig was more environmentally friendly. Less flatulent cows: The cows digestion process produces lots of methane. This happens because of a bacterium which is a by-product of cows’ high-cellulosic grass and hay diets. Methane is a major contributor to the greenhouse effect, so scientists have been working to genetically engineer a cow that produces less methane.

ceridwen

What’s the point in Spritzing through a book?

Web Editor Benjamin Brown, a proud slow-paced reader, offers an argument against the dangerous habit of speed-reading, and how a new app is threatening to make this the new norm

n up and coming speed-reading app named Spritz has been flooding social media for the past week. It’s slogan, “Reading ReimaginedTM”, promises an imaginative new approach to digital reading, helping us to exceed our normal capacity for information absorption by doing away with the physical limitations imposed by our lateral eye movements. They are even coining a new verb based on their product name: “to spritz”, perhaps in the hope that it will become a welcome addition to the English lexicon. But let’s take a minute to examine what this company is actually trying to endorse. Speed-reading has always been extremely interesting from a research point of view. We have a tendency to become slightly obsessed with the idea of augmenting our natural capacities. The notion that we can become almost superhuman is compelling, whether it’s by drinking synthetic protein shakes as part of an exercise routine or by buying into an app that promises to help you play guitar like Django Reinhardt by learning to sight-read music as quickly as possible. But the truth is that no matter how much time is spent learning which notes fall where on a musical stave, nothing can replace the persistence and depth of understanding required to play a complex piece of music. Not only must the body be trained to make those pitches using a given instrument, but to play it well a good sense of rhythm needs to be internalised, and the emotions expressed by the composition as well as those felt by the musician

while playing it must be communicated. Not everybody wants to be a writer, but surely we should be promoting a similar level of understanding when approaching written content? Unlike music, the symbols and sounds of natural language are something that we have all developed a facility with. We need them to communicate and relate with others, as well as to understand and engage with the world around us.

“Spritz uses methods shown to be fads as early as 1972 when the pitfalls of speedreading were exposed” The issue of information overload is becoming more and more prominent. Data reveals just how easily distracted the average online reader is: article pages on The Courier Online have an average visit duration of just 37 seconds, which is nowhere near long enough to read an entire article. Of course there are some people who read an article from start to finish straight after selecting it, but the sad truth is that the large volumes of readers who become distracted and change their mind half a minute into the text have dragged down the average dwell time to a pitifully low figure. This is a pervasive problem that exists throughout the web, with the average visitor only reading 28% of a web page if they even read it at all. Enter Spritz, the exciting new product that prom-

ises to make reading less of a chore. How do they intend to do this? By enabling us to read faster using methods that were shown to be a fad as early on as 1972 when Mortimer Adler exposed the pitfalls of speed-reading in How to Read a Book. The whole notion of encouraging people to artificially read faster is completely misguided. We should be encouraging people to contemplate what they read, not just churn through it as fast as possible at a regular pace. Being able to pause or rewind in a clear and logical manner is part of the experience of reading. On their website, Spritz claim that “reading is inherently time consuming because your eyes have to move from word to word and line to line.” This is not at all convincing. When many people

read, they benefit greatly from the linear shape of a sentence, sometimes to the point of absorbing a whole sentence or phrase as if it were a single word. So as to present a more balanced argument, we must appreciate that speed-reading may have its place in certain contexts. An academic researcher, for instance, is faced with the arduous task of reading paper after paper and stopping to pick out relevant or interesting details as and when they come across them. In this case it might be useful to have the ability to read as quickly as possible, so that less time is wasted wading through the superfluous details. However, once somebody develops the habit of skimming, it may become difficult to break out of it when confronted by a piece of writing that does deserve to be cherished.

Photo: Wikimedia Commons

The Courier

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Monday 17 March 2014

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Would you give an arm and a leg to get rid of pelvic cancer?

Game Review: South Park: The Stick of Truth

Jones tells us whether Uni surgeons have successfully reattached a patient’s leg which had been attached to Martin the latest adaptation of a TV his arm. Ruth Davis shares the story of the innovative surgery needed to remove the series is a success or not tumour, and the unusual technique used to keep the healthy parts of the body alive

59-year-old has successfully recovered from an operation which involved attaching his calf to his arm. This pioneering surgery took place at Newcastle’s Freeman Hospital in August. Ian McGregor from Sunderland had a large cancerous tumour in his thigh, which had grown from the pelvis. Throughout the last decade there had been many attempts to treat this, but its aggressive nature meant they had all proved unsuccessful, leaving Mr McGregor in constant pain. Due to the location of the tumour, his leg needed to be amputated in order for it to be removed. However, doctors were wary of doing this because of the very large open wound which would be left on at the hip. They realised that calf muscles were the correct size and shape to close up the wound which would be left after amputation. This led to a team of three consultant specialists undertaking an 18 hour long procedure which had never tested been before in the United Kingdom. The surgery involved removing the lower leg,

“The arteries and veins of the calf muscles were connected to the circulatory system in the arm”

except for the bone, and attaching it to the forearm. This was necessary because there is a small amount of time after disconnecting a limb where it can be reattached, but not long enough for the time it would take to remove the tumour. The arteries and veins of the calf muscles were connected to the circulatory system in the arm, thereby keeping the calf alive by maintaining a blood supply through it. The supply is vital as it allows oxygen to reach the cells of the tissue. The muscle was kept on life support whilst the leg was then amputated, which allowed the tumour to be removed. After the amputation, the calf was disconnected from the arm, and the muscle transferred to the lower torso, allowing the repair of the large wound which was left

as a result of the leg amputation. There have been other instances of limbs being saved by attaching them to other parts of the body before reattachment can occur, such as a severed hand lost in an accident being attached to a foot to keep it alive in China last year. However, this particular procedure had never before taken place in the United Kingdom. Ian McGregor had known the surgeons hadn’t attempted this surgery before, and was given the choice as to whether or not he wanted to go ahead with it. His main reason for choosing to do so was the hope of being free of the constant pain he suffered from the tumour. The operation was successful, and all cancer was removed, meaning he is hoping to be healthier in the near future. Plans are underway to fit him with a prosthetic leg soon. McGregor commented on the operation that ‘it’s just amazing what they can do’. The specialists who performed the operation are planning to publish their work, hoping for a new avenue of thinking towards modern surgery.

Dr Triche

A dummy’s guide to quantum theory

Rosie Bellini gives us a helpful guide to what exactly the words “quantum mechanics” mean, and how our evolving understanding has helped us technologically

hysics is weird. There’s just no denying it. Even our bro Einstein declared, “the more success the quantum theory has, the sillier it looks”. And who can blame him when theories are published with particles that can exist in two places at once, cats that are both dead and alive at the same time (Schrodinger’s Cat) and events in the future affecting the past. Quantum physics to the average Joe sounds like deluded, incoherent ramblings and may result in the request of a breathalyzer test. But in reality quantum physics is a terrifying, yet magical area of science that is working furiously to try and accurately explain the building blocks of time, space and reality. So what exactly is it? In 1805, Thomas Young carried out the famous double-slit experiment that demonstrated the wave-like nature of light. ‘Quantum’ is just the sophisticated way of describing the smallest quantity that something can possibly be. Hence quantum physics is a branch of physics that deals with interactions that happen on a nanoscopic scale, specifically working with particles that are about a million times smaller than the thickest hu-

“Even our bro Einstein declared, ‘the more success the quantum theory has, the sillier it looks’” net_efekt

man hair. These particles make up everything in existence, from stardust to starbursts. Three of the main particles that you may have already come across (if you were actually paying attention in GCSE science) are protons (particles with a positive charge), electrons (particles with a negative charge) and neutrons (particles with no charge at all). Protons, electrons and neutrons are significant as they form the basic composition of atoms of all the known elements of the physical world.

“Quantum theory is the sassy area of physics”

Without knowing what the structure of an atom is and the structure of a nucleus, most of the physics and chemistry of today would not have been possible. This sounds like a bold and easily dismissible claim but consider that we would have very minimal knowledge of antimatter, radiation, mass and energy without quantum physics. Without the knowledge of energy, instantaneous communication through mobile phones or computers would just be wishful thinking. Without mass we’d have no chance of trying to tackle the worrying concept that almost all of the universe is missing. Though we can make a sound guesstimate that there are more than 100 billion visible galaxies in the cosmos, only 2% of their mass (material it’s made out of) is accounted for. Creepy right? For a science that deals with particles smaller than the eye that can see, quantum physics’ applications is dealing with massive quantities far beyond human

capacity. But the world of quantum physics goes far beyond just discovering which particles things are made out of. It’s the sassy area of physics that manages to flaw and reject the classical physics developed by Galileo and Newton and is still correct. This completely changes our understanding of time and space that up until the last hundred centuries we were sure were fixed quantities. If these are not fixed then how can we be scientifically sure of anything? You can be sure that quantum physics still continuously strives for an answer, one particle at a time.

zaimoku_woodpile

he Stick of Truth’s crowning achievement is its incredible writing and storytelling. The writing perfectly conveys South Park’s characteristic, uncensored humour, accompanied by in-house references straight from the start. Drawing inspiration from the television series, the art style, locations and NPCs appear identical to their TV counterparts. The sheer level of detail designated to each character’s representation within the game proves successful as you find yourself wondering whether you are simply within a South Park episode. Each character plays their own role within the game. Many can provide additional side quests, which may be explored at any time, in any order, and often provide additional experience points and items to customise your character. Despite the rewards gained, players are not required to pursue these quests and may continue with the story line freely, although exploration is encouraged. The combat system is easily accessible to both beginners and veterans alike, yet lacks considerable depth. Introduced through a series of inescapable introductory battles, the protagonist is guided through the basics of combat mechanics, of which timed commands provide the core attacking and blocking system within the game. Although simple to grasp, perfect blocking appeared surprisingly challenging to master. Some variation is introduced with the additional of skills, magic and partners, but the fights can sometimes become a repetitive series of button mashing to secure victory. Dividing your time between fighting, exploration and storytelling helps to alleviate this problem through keeping combat fresh.

“Mastering the combat system seems an easily avoidable task, allowing players to focus more on story immersion, without having to worry about random encounters or boss fights along the way”

Mastering the combat system seems an easily avoidable task, allowing players to focus more on story immersion, without having to worry about random encounters or boss fights along the way. The only real necessity arises within the hardest difficulty ‘hardcore’, where a missed block or power attack can lead to an untimely game over. But don’t worry, you can continue instantly with relatively little progress lost. Although I could continue to write about the positive aspects of the game, we must address the negative. Having completed the game once so far, I fear the replay value that the game offers. The large majority of the story line and additional quests provide little variation when repeated. Small exceptions do present themselves, such as the main story line, where there is some variety in possible story paths. Despite this, I don’t believe it proves enough to warrant an additional play through, at least not straight away. Overall, The Stick of Truth comprises a great single-player experience which can be, even to those unfamiliar with the South Park universe, a great pick-up to tide the time over before the more heavy-hitting releases drop later this year. It may only provide one or two play-throughs before the jokes become dry, but what am experience they will be.

The Courier

35.puzzles

Monday 17 March 2014

Puzzles There’s no quizness like show quizness, like no quizness I know. Hand in your answers at The Courier office to have a chance of winning drinks at MensBar

Crossword 2

Puzzles Editors: Tom Nicholson and Sam Summers

Win a MensBar voucher

Grandma’s Pictionary

I sat down with Grandma for a game of pictionary, but she’s just not very good, bless her. Can you help me ﬁgure out which common phrase she’s trying to draw?

3 4

10 11 12

Sudoku

8 6

Across

1 A traditional North East folk story about an ‘aaful’ dragon with a taste for sheep and mackems (7, 4) 5 The last letter in the Greek alphabet (5) 6 Where a dog lives when it’s not crashing on you sofa or ‘aving it large with its mates (6) 7 Where He-Man lives when he’s not crashing on your sofa or ‘aving it large with his mates (9) 9 A cube with dots on it that decides how well you do in Snakes and Ladders (4) 11 Glamour model Jodie and the disgusting swamp for which she is named (5) 12 Indie R&B artists who had a blog hit with 2013’s Woman (5) 13 A Microsoft search engine which may or may not still exist (4) 15 German discount supermarket (4)

The first person to bring the completed puzzles to The Courier office in the Students’ Union will be awarded the prize and the respect of their peers, which let’s be honest is priceless

Down

1 Late ‘90s/early ‘00s nu-metal band known for their hit ‘Rollin’’ and for being complete and utter bell-ends (4, 6) 2 Late ‘90s/early ‘00s British Prime Minister who had no pop hits but still managed to be a bit of a bell-end (5) 3 A nervous person or a big dead ship (5) 4 Brummie symphonic rock group who gave the world the classic that is ‘Mr Blue Sky’ (3) 7 ___ Washington, ___ Bush, ___ Gershwin, ___ of the Jungle (6) 8 Style of singing popular with cowboys and the Swiss, fatal to aliens in Mars Attacks! (5) 10 High-ranking officer of the law in rural America and medieval Nottingham (7) 14 A moody genre of film named after the French word for ‘black’ (4) 16 Spanish word meaning ‘snooker loopy’ (4)

Why did the mathematician go to the beach to do his trigonometry?

4 2 3 5 7

7 1 3

4 5

6 2

7 6 1 6 5

7 1

3 9 7 1 3 8

Oh, Smiggsy!

Because he wanted to be a tanned gent!

36.sportfeatures

Monday 17 March 2014

The Courier

Teams mixing

After this weekend’s season opener in Australia, The Courier assesses

McLaren

2013 was doubtless one of the worst years in McLaren’s history, finishing 5th – poor for a team of their calibre – without a single visit to the podium. The repercussions of 2013 are that McLaren has had a reshuffle at the top. Following several sub-par seasons in the Whitmarsh era, McLaren chief Ron Dennis is clearly keen to rejuvenate the weary team, stating that “if everybody matches my own commitment, passion

Tom MacKenzie

partnership of the 80s and 90s in 2015. The recognisable chrome and ‘rocket red’ McLaren of the past 8 seasons is now no more, following the departure of title sponsor Vodafone. The team are insistent they will have a new sponsor for 2014, although not for the first few races, so the Woking-based team will likely roll onto the Australian grid in their sponsor-less all-chrome test livery.

McLaren have endured a promising but somewhat turbulent testing period. and focus, then we will most definitely win.” A bold announcement indeed, but after all, he led McLaren to 7 of their 8 Constructors’ Championship wins. Ex Lotus F1 boss Eric Boullier has also been brought in as racing director to run the team on a day-to-day basis heading into their final season with long-term engine supplier Mercedes. McLaren will be looking to settle their new set-up and get back on track before reviving the iconic McLaren-Honda

McLaren has opted for the controversial ‘anteater’ look on their car rather than an overall lower nose like Ferrari and Mercedes have adopted. McLaren have endured a promising but turbulent testing period. The Jerez test had a frustrating start, with no track-time on the first day due. Testing got underway the next day, however, and feedback was positive. As testing continued, they encountered a problems in Bahrain, but Button report-

Ferrari Ferrari is the most iconic team in Formula 1 and holds the record of 16 constructors’ championships, however, the Italian marque has struggled in recent seasons and are looking for a strong 2014 to meet their own expectations and those of their passionate fans, the Tifosi. The main man that the team will look to in order to revive their fortunes is double world champion Fernando Alonso. The Spaniard is undoubtedly still a quality driver despite not having won a title with the team in the four years that he has been there. The consensus around the paddock is that if Ferrari provide Alonso with a winning machine then he will deliver them the title. One advantage that the team has this year is the addition of another world champion to partner Alonso in the form of Kimi Räikkönen. The enigmatic Finn experienced a mixed season with Lotus last year, but

ed he feels they have a strong starting point to develop from for the rest of the season and that there were no immediate handling concerns, unlike 2013. Despite this, he still believes they lack some pace and that other teams are ahead; although everyone will have to wait until the first race in Melbourne to really see where they stand. It has been F1 veteran and McLaren number 1 Jenson Button delivering most testing news to the media, but that’s not to say newbie Kevin Magnussen hasn’t played his part. Button is surely expected to outperform the Danish rookie this season, but following his consistently competitive times in each test and with a junior racing record to be proud of, it’s possible that Button might find himself looking warily over his shoulder if Magnussen finds his feet quickly. The young Dane may be new to the top tier of racing, but looking at McLaren’s history they don’t just hire anybody. After all, the last rookie to sign with them was Lewis Hamilton, and that went pretty well to say the least.

Freddie Caldwell

it is evident that he still has the pace to be a race winner and possibly even world champion again. He should at least provide Alonso with more of a challenge than his previous teammate Felipe Massa. The re-signing of Räikkönen may have prompted most of the headlines over the winter break but perhaps the most important return to Ferrari happened behind the scenes as Technical Director James Allison moved to the team from Lotus. He joins another Brit, Pat Fry, and between them they provide Ferrari with probably the most experienced technical team on the grid. Allison and Fry will need all of their expertise if they are to turn this year’s car into a winner. The indications from winter testing suggest that they are behind the Mercedes powered cars but ahead of those with Renault power such as Red Bull. We will need to get a few races into the

season before we can really establish who has a title-winning car this season but as always, the pressure is on Ferrari to produce. This year’s regulations mean that reliability will be more important than ever with fewer, more complicated engines in use. This means that even if Ferrari don’t begin the season as the fastest team on the grid, they should still pick up points if they can make it to the end of the Grand Prix. The development race will then be key and things look good for the prancing horse on that front thanks to their impressive technical team. Even if Ferrari aren’t initially competitive, the inter-team rivalry between the two very contrasting characters of Alonso and Räikkönen should still be fascinating. As usual the Italian team is likely to be close to the centre of attention in 2014.

PRANCING HORSE: Fernando Alonso takes his new Ferrari for a spin in Melbourne. Image: Getty Images

RACING STRIPES: Valtteri Bottas of Williams drives in practice for

Lotus

The team starts the year with major departures including team boss Eric Boullier who moves to McLaren and chief designer James Allison who has been poached by Ferrari. Lotus have promoted from within however with Nick Chester taking the helm of the design team and team owner Gerard Lopez stepping into Boullier’s vacant position. Money troubles have stuck with the team over the past 9 months; there has been widespread media speculation about whether Lotus will be able to match the big four in development terms over the course of the season. Losing lead driver Kimi Raikkonen to Ferrari due to a pay dispute with the team reportedly owning the iceman 14 million euros in salary and bonuses is a blow, but reinforcements have been called in, in the form of an enigmatic Venezuelan. To ease their budget woes Lotus have brought in Pastor Maldonado, a driver with undoubted one lap pace, but with that come the crashes and red mist moments, which have earned him a bad boy reputation and lend people to believe he only got the drive because of a certain 40 million euro cheque. Lotus have a relaxed team environment and a track record of improving drivers though, so we shall have to wait a few races before we judge the lotus spec Maldonado. Lead driver Romain Grosjean is something of a phoenix from the flames; his

Sam Charlton racecraft improved significantly over the course of the 2013 season and teamed with his undoubted speed, he was Vettel’s closed rival in final 9 races of the season, just watch the 2013 Japanese Grand prix for proof. The question is whether can keep up this standard in machinery which will more than likely be fighting at the back for the first few races; a late car and poor reliability from the Renault engine and energy recovery systems mean Australia will be a step into the unknown, with the team not guaranteed of even finishing the first 20 laps. However, the E22 looks like a neat car with bags of aerodynamic potential, with its twin tusk nose a departure from the solutions offered by other teams, and various other unique touches, such as an asymmetrical exhaust. More worryingly, it has recently been admitted that their brake by wire system, needed due to the excessive electrical harvesting which these new breed of F1 cars experience under braking, has been difficult to implement resulting in a lack of confidence on the brake for both drivers. Lotus’ season will be defined as a year of transition, however, the Enstone-based manufacturer know how to win, and as a team which have been consistently punching above their weight for the past 30 years, I wouldn’t count them out of a few big results later in the year.

The Courier

intramuralsport.37

Monday 17 March 2014

up the Formula the contenders in what could be the most chaotic F1 season in years

Williams 2014 could just be Williams’ year. They’ve got a new engine supplier in Mercedes, a new driver in Felipe Massa and a new Chief Tech Officer in Pat Symonds. They’ll look to bounce back from a terrible 2013 and hope bringing in fresh ideas and a reliable, powerful “power unit” (engine to you and me) can help them on the road to recovery. Valtteri Bottas remains to partner Massa, who brings Rob Smedley with him from Ferrari; the dream team reunited. This combination of youthful enthusiasm and experience behind the wheel of the FW36 could prove to be key to Williams’ 2014. Felipe knows how to develop a car and how to win races, whilst Valtteri will be looking to prove himself in a (hopefully) competitive car. Expect Massa to have the edge in the opening races, with Bottas getting up to speed after a few rounds, however, I think Massa will come out on top over the full season. If Williams can find some form this

the Australian Formula One Grand Prix . Image: Getty Images

Red Bull

There have hardly been any more eyecatching accomplishments around the world of sport in recent years than Red Bull’s Formula One dominance. With four Constructors’ and Drivers’ titles in the trophy cabinet, the team has rapidly evolved into a superior frontrunner since 2010. For many it was out of the blue when this status was destabilized due to significant alterations both in the technical regulations and the driver combination now assembled in Sebastian Vettel and rookie Daniel Ricciardo. Building a car around the dubious Renault turbo hybrid engine has troubled even Adrian Newey, arguably the essential figure in Red Bull’s success. Newey struggled not only with the new ERS system but also the increased amount of MGUs (motor generator units), which magnified the levels of heat in the vehicle raising troublesome questions for the brilliant designer. These complications saw the team experience a horrible pre-season facing numerous unresolved issues. While most of the races on the calendar last over 50 laps, Red Bull achieved a maximum of 20 consecutive ones throughout the whole of winter testing. Despite the better outcomes from the final preparations in Bahrain, overall the reigning champions have completed just 222 laps – less than a half of all the other major competitors. If it wasn’t for the biggest smile in F1

Peter Georgiev

of Daniel Ricciardo, one could scarcely find anything to cheer about for the Red Bull contingent. The Australian newcomer has come from Toro Rosso to step into the shoes of Mark Webber in what will be his debut top-flight season. Ricciardo is known for his talent and qualifying skills but whether this enough for him to become a decent replacement for Webber is yet to be revealed. After all, he has formed an alliance with no lesser driver than the current quadruple world champion Sebastian Vettel. At least on paper, Red Bull would definitely lack the experienced partnership quality in contrast to their top rivals. Ferrari are featuring former victors Fernando Alonso and Kimi Raikkonen while Mercedes also rely on another one, Lewis Hamilton, alongside Nico Rosberg. At the same time, Vettel will certainly take the leading role in the Austrian team leaving little confusion in terms of his intensions this season. Despite coming from the position of an underdog, the German will pursue a fifth-in-a-row world crown to match the record of his compatriot Michael Schumacher (20002004). Thus, in the end, the big question stands – will the Newey-Vettel-Ricciardo trio fire Red Bull to yet another victory or will the world witness the longawaited cut of the champion’s wings?

season, there will be a smile on the majority of F1 fan’s faces as most consider Williams to be at least their second team. It would be fantastic to see Williams back on top of the podium and consistently challenging at the front of the grid and, from testing, it looks like this could be a very real possibility. In the last Bahrain test especially, the Williams looked fast. Massa was trading fastest times with the Mercedes on the

car looks fantastic! The FW36 is, in my humble opinion anyway, the best looking car on the grid this season, with the most tasteful take on the new nose regulations. The car is also painted in the legendary Martini colours, which looks great. If you want an omen, Martini tend only to sponsor the “best”; think Porsche in Le Mans, Lancia in Rallying… you get the picture.

They’ve got the drivers, they’ve got the technical know-how, they’ve got the power and reliability... what else? The cars look fantastic! final day. Perhaps more importantly, the FW36 is reliable, with Williams getting the most millage on the final day and being right up at the head of the millage table for testing overall. So, they’ve got the drivers, they’ve got the technical know-how, they’ve got the power and reliability… what else? The

Mercedes

To some extent, Mercedes were a surprise package in 2013. When Lewis Hamilton made the switch to the Brackley-based team, very few predicted that the car would be as competitive as it was. Hamilton’s decision seemed to be justified sooner than expected as the team finished second in the Constructors’ Championship; their best finish since winning it as Brawn GP in 2009. Just like every other team, Mercedes have had to adhere to the new set of regulations introduced for 2014. The V8 engines have now been replaced by turbo units and in the hope of making Formula One more environmentally friendly. The engines are quieter and do not need so much fuel. However, under the new regulations the cars have less downforce, which ultimately affects their speed. Of the three engine Suppliers (Renault, Ferrari and Mercedes), it is the Mercedes unit that has proved the most reliable. Mercedes have therefore entered this new era of Formula One very strongly and have been installed as favourites for the Constructors’ title. In the first four days of testing at Jerez, Mercedes showcased their reliability immediately by being able to complete 301 laps more than any of their competitors. This reliability was consistent throughout the three testing weeks. By the end of the testing sessions, Mercedes had completed approximately 4,500km which stands as 3,000km more than

Ben Ashcroft

Michael Rowan

reigning champions Red Bull who have struggled with the seemingly problematic Renault engine. Over the two sessions in Bahrain, the fastest time went to the equally reliable Williams of Felipe Massa. However, the best time set by a Mercedes driver was only 0.02 seconds behind. The Mercedes time was set on used tyres that have considerably less grip suggesting that Mercedes may have more in the locker. Red Bull team principle Christian Horner has claimed that Mercedes’ advantage could be so substantial that they could lap the entire field twice. This does seem like an exaggeration, however, at the moment predicting which driver will

Image: Getty

You can expect Williams to grab at least a handful of podiums this year, maybe a race win or two, and maybe, just maybe, be in with a shout of the world title. All of the ingredients are there; they just need to put them together properly.

finish top at Mercedes would also be like suggesting who will win the title in Abu Dhabi. Although Lewis Hamilton won the title in 2008 in one of the most memorable title finales of recent times, he has yet to finish a season in the top three of the standings since. Alternatively, in his good friend Nico Rosberg there is a man who at times bettered him notching up wins in Monaco and Britain in contrast to his solitary success in Hungary. These two do seem evenly matched and this year represents their best chance at a title. For Lewis, the chance to claim a second title that his talents deserve and for Nico, a chance to emulate his father Keke who won the title in 1982. However, as a betting man and based on the fastest testing times in Bahrain, I would go with Hamilton. His best time of 1:33.278 was produced on used tyres and was 0.005 seconds faster than Rosberg’s best on fresh tyres suggesting that Hamilton can get just that little bit more.

38.sportintramural

Monday 17 March 2014

The Courier

Five-star Medics ease into semis Intra Mural Wednesday Cup Medics 1sts

Buckminster Fullerenes

ly effective, as the Medics went into the lead after only three minutes. From an early corner, no Buckminster defender came to clear the ball and Ben Stamer was able to scramble the ball to the back post from a few yards out. This early goal came to set the tone for the rest of the half, with the Medics dominating possession and creating many more chances than their opposition, with their back four resilient in defence and limiting the Buckminster frontline to only a few sights of goal.

By Liam Turnbull-Brown and Jack Dowswell in Longbenton

for the Medics’ second goal, as a freekick, won out on the left, was played in by captain Dave Edwards and was met firmly by a near-post header from centre-back Harry Preston. By this stage in the match, the twenty league places between the teams was clear to see, with the majority of the game being played in the Buckminster half, effectively becoming an attack vs defence training session at times. The Medics further extended their lead fifteen minutes later, as the Buck-

Much of the Medics’ attack was coming down from the left-wing, with Matt Anderson showing great skill and turn of pace

A convincing 5-1 victory over Buckminster Fullerenes proved to be the perfect tonic for the Medics 1sts as they cruised into the semi-finals of the Wednesday Cup with a fantastic all-round team display last Wednesday at Longbenton, following their first loss of the season in the Medics derby last week. The 1sts were left hurting as they went down to a 1-0 defeat from their Medics rivals, losing their 100% league record and tainting their otherwise perfect season so far. A cup tie against Buckminster Fullerenes, currently bottom of Division 3, gave them the perfect opportunity to respond and get themselves back to winning ways. This eagerness could be sensed in the way that the Medics started; keen to get the ball into attack and putting constant pressure on the Buckminster defence. This approach proved almost instant-

Even when they were to create goalscoring opportunities, such as Jack Wheatley’s fierce shot after ten minutes, they found Dale Anderson in goal in fine form, with the keeper showing good reactions to block the effort and parry it away. Much of the Medics’ attack was coming down from the left-wing, with Matt Anderson showing great turns of skill and pace, keen to take defenders on and get the ball into the box. He was well-supported by the industrious Andy Harris at left-back, with a great fluidity coming through from their link-up play. This was the route

minster defenders were unable to clear their lines from a corner, the ball was played in by Harris and striker Jack Ellis found space to neatly poke the ball in. The second half continued in a similar pattern to the first, with the Medics looking to keep their foot on the gas and show no release of pressure they had played with in midfield. However, they were to face a sterner task in the second half, with Buckminster looking more lively, growing more and more into the game compared to the few glimpses of attack they were limited to previously. Their intent to get back in the match

was plain to see as Wheatley went close in the first minute of the half. Despite playing a more invigorated Buckminster side, the gulf in talent between the sides remained the same and was visibly evident with the Medics notching their fourth goal of the afternoon, stinging Buckminster on the counter-attack. Edwards showed a great burst of pace and timed his run well to be sent through on goal, coolly rounding the onrushing goalkeeper and slotting into the unguarded net. With the result of the game more-orless wrapped up, barring a miraculous comeback, Buckminster were playing more for pride, keen to avoid one of the thrashings that the Medics have been dishing out regularly this season. To their credit, this seemed to free the players up, as they began to play some of their best football of the game. On sixty-four minutes Buckminster were rewarded for their good pressure, as they scored a consolation goal to make it 4-1. Like much of their attack, it came through good play from their front three, with the run from Philippe creating space for Wheatley in the box, who received the ball from Dina and placed a clinical shot past Anderson. This goal, although well-merited, was unable to provide the momentum that Buckminster needed to get themselves back into the game, with the Medics hit-

ting back with their fifth and final goal. Substitute Rishi Dhand brought a fresh injection of pace on the right-wing, finding enough time and space to play the right ball in, which found the run of fellow substitute Adam Duckworth who took it in his stride and slotted home past the helpless Harry Beckett in goal to seal the result and book the Medics’ place in the semi final, keeping their hopes of achieving a historic league and cup double still firmly alive.

Anderson Harris

Preston

Brunger

Durkan

Edwards

Jackson Morrant Anderson

Stamer Ellis

Wheatley

Philippe Dina

Boon

Jobe Birkhead

Robertson

Miller

Henderson

Targett

Beckett

IN THE HUNT: The 5-1 win for the Medics sees them keep alive their hopes of achieving a domestic league and cup double. Image: Kiril Matei

League Tables

Wednesday 11 a-side Football Division 1 1

Division 13

Division 2

Team

Pld

Pts

Newcastle Medics 1

Team

Pld

Pts

Aftermath FC

Team 1

Politic Thistle

Newcastle Medics 2

Boca Seniors

FC Bayern Toonich

Dyslexic Untied

SS Ladzio

Sub-Standard Liege

Henderson Hall

Roman Villa FC

Photogra16 17 8 18 37 phy: Nick7 7 40 1 Gabriel

Brown Magic FC

Castle Leazes

Newcastle Dynamos

Ecosoccer

Barca-Law-Na

Larrakins

Division After another round of41 Salisbury found himself ball in feet and tucked it Pld

40 11

Pts

Team Team

1 1 Sons of Law Pitches Barca Na

28 19

2 2 Newhist FC Medics 1sts Newcastle

28 22

3 3 KFC Henderson Hall

South Sandwich FC

19 29

Dyslexic 4 4 We need toUntied talk about KK

Newcastle Agrics FC

in action 3The Wildcats 1 5 11 20 10

Thundercats

Buckminster Fullerenes

5 5 FCCrayola Twente Bag Photography: 6 (R) Geogsoc 17 20 7 Aftermath

last season. 1 4 Andrew Beesley 2

7 (R) Borrusia Monchenﬂapjack Castle Leazes

ricochets, with the home to Pld Pld WW

11 12

1 2 4250 1415 26 28

F F AA

Pts Pts

12 12

2 2 5336 2220 24 26

11 12

1 4 2841 1529 20 22

12 12

19 5 5 2332 2926 15

11 12 11 12

10 12

5 7 2518 3522 12 15 8 9 1314 5347 79 8 10 1512 3142 44

The Courier

sportbucs.39

Monday 17 March 2014

THE GAFFER: Newcastle’s rowing coach Angelo Savarino is set to be honoured for his dedication to bringing out the very best of his crews . Image: Mike Irwin

Angelo racks up rowing royalties Rowing By Ivan Lazarov Newcastle University’s rowing coach has become the first person to be honoured with a prestigious new award from the sport’s governing body. Angelo Savarino was presented with the British Rowing Special Award in recognition of his outstanding contribution to the sport and the development of young rowing talent in the North East and UK. Angelo, who began his career at the University in 2005, said: “I was surprised and honoured when I heard I

was to be presented with this award. A coach is only as good as his athletes and the support that he has. This award wouldn’t be possible without the commitment and dedication from my athletes and colleagues alike. In fact, I feel I am being rewarded for other people believing in me.” Since his arrival at Newcastle University in 2005, Angelo’s efforts have seen the boat club go from strength to strength. The club has grown from a small team of nine senior men and five senior women, to one of 30 and 20 seniors respectively. Importantly, Angelo has also developed a strong coaching team to support

the rowers in their ambitions. The club has rowed to gold, silver and multiple bronze medals in the World University Championships. The men’s eight have won the championship’s eights race three years in a row at BUCS Regatta, the University Rowing Championships. Several students have gone on to represent their country, with six taking part in last year’s U23 World Championships in Linz, Austria - the most of any boat club or university in the country. Two rowers went on to scoop medals. Nicole Lamb won a silver medal in the women’s eight and Gemma Hall won a bronze medal in the lightweight women’s quad.

Angelo also coached the men’s coxed four at the event. Peter Sheppard, GB Rowing’s Chief Coach for Under 23s, said: “We felt Angelo was absolutely the right person to receive the first British Rowing Special Award because of his dedication to bringing out the very best in his crews, who have a unique loyalty to his programme. He and his athletes work incredibly hard and their results speak for themselves. The way he develops promising young rowers is inspirational and his work in developing the women’s squad has seen it grow into one of the best in the country alongside their men’s programme.” The GB Rowing honour is not the only

award Angelo has received recently. His achievements in last year’s Under 23 World Championships were recognised by the Italian National Association of Rowing Coaches, which has given him their ‘Italians in the World’ honour. The award is given to those who achieve ‘prestigious results on the international stage’. Colin Blackburn, Newcastle University’s Director of Sport said: “Angelo fully deserves the accolades he has received. His hard work has helped the University Boat Club become one of the best in the country and he inspires our rowers to do their very best every time. “We’re incredibly proud of him and the teams he coaches.”

Volleyballers set for success Continued from page 40 The second set started out with a beautifully received ball by the back row which allowed setter Lucia Cilloni to set to the outside for a precise cross-court hit by Robyn Sayers. The first set continued to progress in such a fashion with strong serving runs, aggressive blocks from Ioanna Loukaidou and powerful hits from Petra Adamova. The strong front row was backed by defence, especially libero Virgina Ledda, who picked up any balls that were tipped, spiked or set over the net. The second set came as bit more of a challenge for the NUVC Royals. It was as if all of their energy was put into the first set and they weren’t ready for the Leeds University women to start fighting back. The Newcastle women kept playing into the Leeds system, which left them always two points behind. However, as

always the girls managed to rally themselves and stop Leeds in their tracks to win the second set with a close 25-21 result. Sets three and four came as more of a shock to the Newcastle women when they both amounted to losses. An outside observer might have decided that it was the end of competition for the NUVC Royals, but the Royals knew better, and once again showed their dominance through teamwork in the fifth set. Excited to have won they are currently focusing their efforts on the final against the Northumbria 2nds, who will most definitely come to the game with a vengeance and drive to win. The NUVC Royals will have to summon their strength and concentration to not get complacent or nervous for the upcoming game on Wednesday the 19th of which the location is currently undecided.

SUCCESSFUL SPIKE: The Newcastle team celebrate a win at the sports centre. Image: Joseph Nolan

Sport

www.thecourieronline.co.uk Monday 17 March 2014 Issue 1289 Free

thecourieronline.co.uk/sport

Sports Editors: Nick Gabriel, Freddie Caldwell and Fran Fitzsimmons courier.sport@ncl.ac.uk | @Courier_Sport Photography: Kiril Matei

ON THE MEND: Medics thrash Bucksminter in the cup p.38

Jolly Volley hammer Poly Women’s Volleyball By Lucyna Mierzejewska NUVC Media Officer Newcastle’s women’s volleyball team have made it to the top of their league after a very intense game last week on Monday against the Northumbria 2nds. Both teams played extremely well, putting great effort into tactics and gameplay, but to Newcastle’s great pride the NUVC women dominated on court for a 3-1 win. The game started out on a stressful note for the Newcastle women with the Northumbria 2nds taking the first set 25-15. Some might have said the loss was due to pre-game jitters, but most of NUVC team would just call this, “making things interesting”. And so, taking this set-back in full stride the Newcastle women played – and won – the following three sets, nullifying any doubts that they weren’t deserving of first place in their division. Even with the annoying chants coming from the Northumbria supporters, the Newcastle women could not be thwarted from their goal. Not that the Newcastle supporters let their girls down, they were right there with them celebrating and chanting on every

point. The game continued but the booing and shouting was no match for the dependable serves of Bonnie Ma, who played a huge role, alongside Mayuna Takagi the Liberio, in digging the strong hits coming over the net.

advancing into the first division, currently the Newcastle women have their eyes set on the Northern Conference Cup. Just last week the NUVC Royals had to play Hull in the quarter-final of the Northern Conference Cup.

Even with the annoying chants coming from the Northumbria supporters, the Newcastle women could not be thwarted Petra Adamova, Stage 2 BioMed student and women’s captain, also asserted NUVC’s dominance with her powerful outside hits that either hit the floor or ricocheted off the Northumbria players’ arms eliciting supportive chants from the observers and fellow teammates. The winning point in the fourth set was scored by a well-placed hit coming in from the right side by Robyn Sayers, a first year Mathematics student, after a set from Lucia Cilloni, setter and President of NUVC Royals. This ended the game as a 3-1 win for the Newcastle women, which placed them first in their division. The Newcastle women’s volleyball team has had one strong season this year. From taking on difficult teams to

After coming off such a high and intense game the NUVC Royals had some trouble in finding their spirit and tenacity initially. Although the first two sets ended in a win for Newcastle, their slowness in reacting finally caught up with the Royals in the third set that resulted in a very long 31-29 loss. Before the beginning of the fourth set the girls managed to overcome the problems in communication coming from within the team to win the set and finally take the game. On the way back to the minivan that as of late has been their horse and carriage to and from games, the conversation was one full of chatter and anticipation for the next match. The Newcastle women had advanced to the semi-finals against Leeds University.

On Wednesday the 12th of March a very similar minivan carried seven girls and Coach Attila Berndt down to Leeds. Each team had high stakes ridding on this game because both wanted to prove their place in the league. The seven – Petra Adamova and Robyn Sayers from the outside, Bonnie Ma and Ioanna Loukaidou from the middle, Lucyna Mierzejewska from opposite, with Lu-

cia Cilloni as the ever dependable setter and Virginia Ledda as a sturdy new libero, were ready to continue their tradition of winning. After a concise first set which finished 25-9 for the NUVC Royals, Attila Berndt stated: “This is the best set you have played yet, now keep it at this level and let’s finish this.” Continued on page 39

Photography: Getty

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