Page 1 Monday 10 March 2014 Issue 1288 Free

E le ct S ion Guid pecial e ins Sa

bbat ide t and Pical Offic o art-T ers Offic ime ers

The Independent Voice of Newcastle Students

AA look SHADE TOO DARK? into the closed world of animal testing for cosmetics p.19


Est 1948


NU Apprentice 2014 winners crowned By Anna Templeton News Editor Last Wednesday saw the crowning of this year’s Newcastle University Apprentice, with Kane Avellano and Daniel Lipchev taking the £500 prize money. The NU Apprentice comprised of a series of events, which tested the competitor’s skills in teamwork, leadership, marketing and negotiating. Kane and Daniel won the process on their idea to set up Jesmond Cat Cafe. “It was a huge surprise to win. There were a few great teams there, so we just weren’t sure,” said Kane. Pairings for the final were allocated on a random basis so Kane, a second year Computer Science student and Daniel, who studies International Business Management and Japanese, didn’t know each other before the competition. Both said they were planning on keeping in touch after their victory. When asked what gave their team the edge, Kane pointed out “the idea and the amount of detail we went into. We had floorplans, 3D designs, logos, surveys....” “Lots and lots of details,” added Daniel. “We didn’t come up with everything at once, it was a process. While working we constantly improved.” 71 students, with a range of ages and degree type, applied to the competition. The initial applicants were cut down to just 40 people. The first week was a marketing task to create a new bottled drink and the

following week saw the competitors take part in a negotiating task, where the competitors were mixed into teams and had to source a number of different products. Among the items asked for were a Christmas card, parkin cake and a ‘free service’. One student had a full haircut and another female student committed to having a lock of hair snipped off. One team managed to secure a free massage from Kiehl’s to fulfil the task. The teams had to pay a £2 penalty per minute for being late, so ended up running through the city centre in order to make it back in time. Two out of five groups moved on to the next round, with 10 people in the final. Students were allocated random teams of two, and had just under a week to come up with their proposal, to create a new business plan for an enterprise in Jesmond. The final consisted of a 10-minute question and answer session in front of a panel of judges and a presentation of their business idea. The judges then revealed the winner, at the evening ceremony at Fat Buddah, with Kane and Daniel announced as winners. Other prizes were also given to top performers in areas of negotiation, leadership and teamwork. Olivia Jeffery, intern for Rise Up who helped organise the event, explained how “it was good to make the tasks challenging, because if we’d given them an easy ride it wouldn’t have been that fun. Continued on page 4

WIN: Apprentice winners stand with RiseUp interns and the owner of Luxe, Jesmond. Image: DocYOUmentary

Mitra already leaving his legacy in Mexico By James Simpson News Editor

A Mexican girl has been hailed “the next Steve Jobs” thanks to the unique learning programmes designed by Newcastle’s Sugata Mitra. The 12 year old Paloma Noyola Bueno has been learning using the educational philosophy created and developed by Mitra which focuses on individual driven learning enabling children to teach themselves using the internet. She is the cover story for this month’s Wired magazine.

Her teacher had seen the methods online after seeing a video describing the new philosophy and became inspired to implement it into his own classroom. The Mexican girl is from a small town just outside US border. The town is notorious for its gang problems and drug trafficking and reports have eluded that finding bodies is not uncommon. The school is located next to a rubbish dump and is locally known as “place of punishment” with 45% of students failing Maths and 31% of students failing Spanish, which are both core subjects,

according to Latinos Post. The teacher used these new The 12 year methods on all his students but old has been took to learning using Paloma them extremely the educational well, especially in such an impoverphilosophy ished area where created and resources such as developed by computers and the internet are Mitra extremely limited. It has been reported that Mexican

authorities have become interested in the young protégé and are considering providing the school with some funding after it has hailed great success. Sugata Mitra is famous for his education in the cloud scheme which he won a $1 million TED grant for last year. His project is centred on creating seven “schools in the cloud” which are effectively one room buildings with around six computers where children can be in control of their own learning experience. This developed from his first idea when working for a software company

in New Delhi where he placed a computer in an adjoining wall between his offices and a slum and observed what the reaction was. It turned out the children had taught themselves how to use the computer and were teaching themselves complex subjects such as DNA replication. His defining principle is that “the children are completely in charge”. The project has now developed and he has set up a “Granny cloud” which has recruited retired teachers to give seminars and be on hand across Skype to input into the children’s learning.



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MEET YOUR MAKER Christian Union organise a week of events around SU


9 10 SPORT

STRIPPED DOWN Is it right for students to start stripping for cash?


“Nobody and nothing will stop Russia on the road to strengthening democracy and ensuring human rights and freedoms.” - Vladimir Putin

A look at sports landmark victories

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BUCS BOAT SUCCESS Newcastle rowers drown opposition

Water good show

A unique concert is touring the UK that is taking listening to music to a whole new level. The concert, Wet Sounds, is underwater and the first of its kind. Its creator, Joel Cahen wanted to explore the difference between hearing music above and below water.

Condiment chaos

A teacher has been awarded £230,000 by a council after he slipped on some tomato ketchup in a corridor of the school he was working in. Essex County Council denies that there is a compensation culture within its schools, but that “claims are investigated fully and damages paid if the Council is liable.”

Jack Parker


Williamhartz (Flickr)

Money Matters

Inflamestructure Stripped for cash

A bus has burst into flames just off Scotswood Road in Newcastle. Passengers were evacuated from the bus after it was spotted billowing smoke from the back end. Firefighters were called and managed to contain the blaze, the bus however suffered severe damage, with the back half of the bus being destroyed.

Law and order


Lawyers have warned students who neknominate someone, that they could be prosecuted for manslaughter if the nominee dies as a result. It follows as five have died either directly because of or shortly after completing a neknomination. Lawyer Julian Young said: “There is a possibility, if someone knew that it could cause death, there could be a prosecution.”

NUSU, King’s Walk, Newcastle upon Tyne, NE1 8QB. Tel: 0191 239 3940

The Courier is a weekly newspaper produced by students, for students. It’s never too late to get involved in the paper, whether you’re a writer, illustrator or photographer. Just visit for more information.


Crocodile tears Ferrero shocker The National Geographic Society have been terrifying users of a Brazilian escalator by placing a 3D advertisement of a crocodile jumping up out of a river at the bottom of an escalator, so far the ad has been reported as being really effective.

Public transport

New Jersey College student Rachel Canning has unsuccessfully tried to sue her parents to force them to pay her University fees. Miss Canning fell out with her parents over her ‘disrespectful’ behaviour and left the family home at the age of 18. She hopes to appeal next month.


Compensation culture

Discussion of women and girls who play sports


Tuition tantrum


Go Play are hosting a zombie run throughout campus

e h t

Domestic dispute



Words of the Week:

News Editors: Anna Templeton and James Simpson Deputy News Editor: Sabine Kucher and Emily Keen | @TheCourier_News



The Courier

Monday 10 March 2014

A study into the backgrounds of strippers has found that 29.4% out of 200 strippers interviewed by Leeds University researchers were students, from mainly middle-class backgrounds. Many of the students who were interviewed said they were motivated not only by the excitement of being a stripper, but also by the money that could be earned. It has been speculated whether this unorthodox way of making ends meet is a response to the raising of university fees to £9,000.

A fish and chip shop owner in Preston has created the world’s largest Ferrero Rocher. John Clarkson says that he soured the recipe from America and set to work creating the 5kg sweet treat, which contains 25,000 calories, in their fryers. His wife Corrine said “The fryers had to be filled to maximum capacity to keep the ball buoyant” “We have the giant on display and it is creating a lot of interest.”


The big birthday

The English version of the song ‘Happy Birthday’ has just celebrated its 90th birthday. The song, which first appeared in 1924, was copyrighted by The Hill Sisters, whose estate, along with record company Warner Music, share the $2 million royalties earned each year.

Outdoor pursuits

Lost in Carnations

An Australian man, only identified as ‘Jason’ has become the only person to require police assistance for getting lost in his own garden. Jason saw a dingo enter his garden and decided to go out to investigate, however he became lost in the scrub of his garden, and rang the police. He was eventually found by 330 metres away from his home, uninjured. Jason says that he is grateful for the police’s assistance in rescuing him.


A snap too far...

A mother from Newcastle has been sacked from her job at The Money Shop for taking a photo of Newcastle United footballer Papiss Cisse. The photo was posted on Facebook by Natasha Shiels, who later got a call from her manager with the bad news. Shiels said “There’s me thinking ‘Eee there’s a footballer’ and I take a photo. I was just excited.”


Sea weed solutions

Images_of_money (Flickr)

Scientists at Newcastle University have discovered that a compound found in common seaweed could help stop the absorption of fat by the body. Scientists believe that it could reduce fat absorption by 75%. Professor Jeff Pearson described the early results as “extremely encouraging.”

Editor George Sandeman Deputy Editor Tom Nicholson Web Editor Ben Brown News Editors Anna Templeton and James Simpson Deputy News Editors Sabine Kucher and Emily Keen Comment Editors Lydia Carroll and Joe Wood Deputy Comment Editor Victoria Armstrong Culture Editor Sam Summers Lifestyle Editors Evie O’Sullivan, Elizabeth Archer, Hazel Parnell and Katie Smith Fashion Editors Amy O’Rourke and Frances Stephenson Deputy Fashion Editors Rebekah Finney Beauty Editors Amy Macauley and Safiya Ahmed Arts Editors Millie Walton and Charlie Dearnley Deputy Arts Editor Laura Wotton Film Editors Muneeb Hafiz and Jacob Crompton-Schreiber Music Editors Kate Bennett and Ian Mason TV Editor Beth Durant Deputy TV Editor Helen Daly Science Editor Lizzie Hampson Deputy Science Editors Peter Style and Emad Ahmed Sports Editors Nick Gabriel, Freddie Caldwell and Francesca Fitzsimmons Copy Editors Lucy Davis, Emma Broadhouse and Megan Ayres

Coffee Geek (Flickr)

The Courier is printed by: Print and Digital Associates, Fernleigh House, 10 Uttoxeter Road, Derby, Derbyshire, United Kingdom, DE3 0DA. Established in 1948, The Courier is the fully independent student newspaper of the Students’ Union at Newcastle University. The Courier is published weekly during term time, and is free of charge. The design, text, photographs and graphics are copyright of The Courier and its individual contributors. No parts of this newspaper may be reproduced without the prior permission of the Editor. Any views expressed in this newspaper’s opinion pieces are those of the individual writing, and not of The Courier, the Students’ Union or Newcastle University.

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Monday 10 March 2014

Students go absolutely Insane Insanity for bowel cancer cause By Kate Dewey A group of Newcastle students recently undertook a massive fitness challenge, to complete the Insanity fitness DVD in forty-eight hours. The event, named Insane Insanity, ran from midnight on the 1 March to midnight on 3 March in order to raise awareness and funds for The Beating Bowel Cancer Charity. The group of ten students successfully completed the sixty-day fitness programme at the Newcastle H.M.S Calliope Naval Reserve base. The team: Max Camozzi, Archibald Selka, Chris Thompson, Harry Sibbald, Jack Collicott, Joshua Crowther, Andy Hardman, Peter McElroy, Danny Reilly and Michael Garrard spent a total of 40.5 hours exercising with just 7.5 hours of rest periods. The Extreme Fitness website details the Insanity regime as: “the most punishing fitness program ever put on DVD”. It is a “high-intensity conditioning program that’s based on the principals of MAX Interval Training”. Fitness trainer Shaun T designed the sixty day programme which compromises of ten “insane workouts” each lasting between thirty minutes and an hour. When Andy Hardman was asked by The Courier how much preparation

training was undertaken he replied: “The funny thing is, none. We prepared by doing one Insanity workout. A few of us do CrossFit to keep generally fit but there was no specific training regime, we thought it would be a lot easier than it was.” Pete McElroy told The Courier just how challenging the task was: “We started with high morale and low expectations of how hard this would be. [But] within two hours we were seriously in awe of the challenge we had undertaken. Around six hours in we lost Danny Reilly though a long term knee injury and jealously watched him leave as we continued on. As the sun rose on the first day and our first two hour break came around our morale greatly improved. We had been going for ten hours and twenty minutes. After another eight hour stint our scheduled two hour break came around. It seemed at night when it was colder, quieter, darker and simply bloody boring we were tested the hardest. Grinding through the workouts we entered the ‘recovery week’ part of the sixty day program... ‘Core cardio and balance’ six times in a row. The final day seemed to fly by with the end in sight. After the recovery week there is a new set of harder ‘MAX’ workouts towards the end of the program but the support of friends cheering us on and joining in

TEAM EFFORT: The brave 9 who took on the daunting 48 hour extreme fitness challenge. Image: Facebook

for a workout or two really kept us going. After we finished […] we couldn’t quite believe it, the never ending stream of Shaun T’s commands was finally over. The onslaught had ceased.” The event was streamed live on their Insane Insanity webpage and both their Twitter and Facebook profiles kept people updated. During the event, £1400 was raised in addition to the £4700 already donated in the month leading up to the event. Their social media accounts enhanced the publicity of the event, their most notable retweet being by Sir Alan Sugar who has 3.3 million followers. Red bull

agnosed with Metastatic Carcinoma meaning the cancer had spread to affect her liver and lungs. After eighteen months of treatment her condition was diagnosed terminal and Chris claims that the event is for all those in a similar situation as his mother and family. Speaking about the fundraiser Chris said: “hopefully in years to come the research will get the better of cancer, people will start recovering, people will start beating cancer. “The whole thing has been incredibly touching. […] I can’t begin to explain how amazing it’s been […] the amount of fundraising and the amount of sup-

also retweeted the event. Max Comozi and Archie Selka both spoke to The Courier about the event’s goal and where the idea originated from: “We came up with the event before Christmas when we saw our flatmate doing a workout in the front room and thought it looked easy! Just a load of jumping around, how hard can it be? We set up the event to help our friend Chris Thompson who was and still is going through a tough time with his family because of his mother’s illness. Finally we started fundraising for ‘Beating Bowel Cancer’ with one month to go aiming to raise around £500. We did. In 6 hours. Within 24 hours we had raised £1000 and 3 days £2000. From then on we knew we had to take the whole challenge a lot more seriously.” In a video on the Insane Insanity webpage Chris describes his personal experience with bowel cancer. His mother, Judy Thompson, was diagnosed with bowel cancer in 2012 and later di-

port that’s been going on. I just can’t thank everybody enough”. Insane Insanity has so far raised a staggering £6711.85. The students excelled both their initial and altered target for the Charity. The Charity’s website details its purpose as being “dedicated to saving lives by working in partnership with individuals, local communities, clinical communities and government to improve public awareness of bowel cancer and to increase the rate of early diagnosis”. The impressive funds raised will work towards furthering the realisation of the Charity’s mission: “Beating Bowel Cancer Together”. The team would like to hugely thank their support network who helped them through the challenge, especially Elle Forest who provided much needed sports massages. A link to their Just Giving page can be found via their website or at

The Extreme Fitness website details the Insanity regime as “the most punishing fitness program ever put on DVD”

SWEAT DREAMS: The challengers only took 7.5 hours of breaks for refills and rub downs. Image: Facebook

Monday 10 March 2014

The Courier

Boogie knights crusade to triumph By Alice Fuller

Members of Newcastle University’s Dance Society joined competitors from 17 other universities from across the UK at Sheffield University last weekend. Competition was fierce but Newcastle won an impressive six trophies in styles ranging from lyrical to tap. Contemporary, choreographed by Charlie Burt and dance society president Inga Chen, bagged third place whilst advanced jazz, choreographed by Lucy Winckle and Yasemin Karanis came in second. After weeks of rehearsal Alex Lagutova was ecstatic when her advanced street routine placed second. Stavria Elia, the winner of the Best Dancer award at Edinburgh’s competition last month, also came second in the solo category beating off competition from eight other dancers. Newcastle entered the lyrical category for the first time this year and triumphed in first place with a stunning routine to ‘Gravity’ by Sara Bareilles, choreographed by Katherine Smith and Lucy Winckle. Katherine was also delighted when her advanced tap routine placed third in the category. Despite Newcastle’s success across these styles of dance, the judges were unable to recognise the balletic style and ability of the dancers in Newcastle’s advanced ballet team. The routine was pulled from the category for not containing enough traditional ballet and the judges even refused to give feedback on score sheets. Co-choreographer of the dance,

Stavria Elia said: “It was unprofessional of the judges to decide not to write any score sheets and then blame the organisers for not clarifying that they wanted a classical ballet piece, especially after admitting they had seen traditional ballet steps in the choreography.” The judges went on to apologise and agreed to give feedback on the routine. However, it was still removed from the category and therefore unable to place. Despite the disqualification, the dance society came home victorious. President Inga Chen, said “a huge well done to all the dancers who competed and a special thank you to our teachers, and our competition co-ordinator Claire Eden. This has been our most successful year so far and it’s rewarding that our hard work has paid off ”. As well as the dance society’s achievements at Sheffield, they also celebrated numerous wins at competitions in Edinburgh and Manchester last month. The Dance Society presents its annual dance show Get on Your Dancing Shoes at Northern Stage next week, Friday 14 and Saturday 15 March. The event will showcase the award-winning dances from the recent UK competitions and feature new routines, as well as duets and live singers. Show Co-ordinators Rachel Neylon and Chloe Jackson said: “The whole society has done amazingly this year and the show pulls together all our hard work. Rehearsals are looking great so far and we can’t wait to perform!” Tickets for their show “Get on Your Dancing Shoes” are available now atNorthern Stage tand on the website.

JAZZ HANDS: The society entered teams over a wide range of dance disciplines. Image: Alice Fuller

“A cafe, surrounded by cats and kittens running around, drinking a coffee and chilling” Continued from front page “The fact they were put on the spot, but in a fun environment, made it a great opportunity. The skills they learnt can be now transferred to jobs or even in creating their own businesses. They were thrown in the deep end and they did great.” When asked about the standard of competition, Olivia said: “I was really impressed; everyone was really hard working and determined. It was such a good atmosphere. Organising the event is one of the main things we do as interns, and it was a lot of fun.” Kane and Daniel’s idea was inspired by Daniel’s visits to Japan, where cat cafes are a popular concept. “Some people hate cats, but 90 per cent of people love cats,” Kane pointed out. “A cafe, surrounding by cats and kittens running around, drinking a coffee and chilling. Having a good time really.” Daniel spoke about seeing the cafes in Japan, and “thought there was no market for it here. We didn’t want to create something that would satisfy a demand, but rather create a demand for it. We thought it should be something totally new, totally different that nobody can think of.” When asked what they had gained from the experience, Kane told The Courier that “with things like this, you meet a lot of good people and you learn a lot about running businesses.” “I wanted to improve myself, and find out something new. I did learn a lot and gained a lot of skills, I also learnt a lot about myself, which is probably the greatest gift from it. My motivation is just go there, and give it a try,” answered

Daniel. “I haven’t thought about entrepreneurial ideas as a career, but after this, I think it’s awesome to think of ideas and it’s a fun process.” Students Victoria Wood and Michael Bediako were worthy runners up and Michael, a Mechatronics student, stressed the skills he learnt from the process. “For me, NU Apprentice was both thrilling and insightful. I was challenged into a whole new dimension of possibilities. I particularly enjoyed the Some people teamwork and hate cats, but the negotiation 90 per cent of task’’, he said. “Our presentapeople love cats tion for the final was an idea from my partner Victoria Wood, on a meal and grocery delivery service for the Jesmond community, offering pre-made meals, recipes and optimised ingredient measures. The aim was to cut down on food wastage and ensuring people paid only for what they needed.” Marek Tokarski, Entrepreneurial Development Office, spoke about the success of the event: “The participants put so much effort into each of the tasks and we’ve seen some exceptional performances. Congratulations to Daniel and Kane, who were worthy winners and delivered a great pitch in the final. Those who took part appeared to really enjoy it, as well as developing their enterprise skills and adding to their CVs.” The competition was also filmed by a Newcastle student start-up called DocYOUmentary and was shown at the awards evening.

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Monday 10 March 2014

Dedicated philanthropists dig for victory By Emily Keen Deputy News Editor Last week Newcastle celebrated its most philanthropic students with Student Volunteering week. Teaming up with Northumbria Student Union for the first time, Newcastle provided its most comprehensive volunteering week yet. SCAN took the lead on the environmental side whilst Volunteer Northumbria ran both an Art Project and Random Acts of Kindness Project. Phillip Hay, SCAN organiser outlined the benefits of the link with Northumbria: “We have been able to offer students a wider range of projects that they can get involved in over the week and this year, make things a little bit different.” On Monday, Newcastle’s volunteers could be found on the streets of Ouseburn, an area home to many students from both universities. Volunteers worked to transform the street planters on Stratford Road in Heaton, which had become overgrown and often used for dumping rubbish. Wednesday saw a trip to Leazes Park alongside Newcastle City Council Rangers, clearing out the pond and restoring it to its former glory. The week finished with work on the Newcastle Student Eats Allotment. The project’s aim was to get students involved in growing fresh fruit and vegetables and promoting sustainable living and healthy eating. International student Shelia told The Courier: “I learnt a lot about gardening under the guidance of the SCAN staff and park rangers. It was exciting to discover new plants and learn things such

as determining the age of the trees. This week has not only been fulfilling, but indirectly very educational!” For some students volunteering is not just a once a year activity. Louise Carney, third year Sociology student at Newcastle University, volunteers once a week in the Communications Team at St Oswald’s. Louise chose St Oswalds because of its connections with the University, speaking to The Courier she said: “I enjoy volunteering there because I feel it is a very important charity and very important to the local area.” Christine Ward, Volunteer Services Manager at St Oswalds said: “We’re using Student Volunteering Week to acknowledge and thank all of our student volunteers for the time, effort and skills that they donate to us alongside their studies. They make a huge difference to local families at a time when they need it most.” Christine outlines the benefits volunteering can have for students: “They can get work experience, learn new skills, meet new friends and mentors, and reinforce their studies. Volunteering can be invaluable and we would love to welcome more students to volunteer with us.” Phillip Hay spoke about the aims of SCAN, explaining how “we are here all year round and between our own projects and those with community groups, we have over two hundred opportunities for students. Student Volunteering Week is a great way to promote volunteering to students and to showcase the good student

DOWN AND DIRTY: Students from both Unis pitched in to help across a range of projects. Image: SCAN volunteers do in the local community. “A big plus of the week has been seeing students from both Universities volunteering together, something that hasn’t

happened in recent years.” Looking ahead to next year’s Student Volunteering Week, Phillip told The Courier that “we hope to continue to

develop this link and to do more joint projects in future which can hopefully go to show the positive impact that students can have on the city”.

Walking dead to takeover campus Run, Walk, Crawl if you have to to escape the zombie hoards! The inaugural Newcastle University campus zombie run will take place at 2.30pm on Wednesday 26th March on and around campus. If you prefer your exercise to be fun and exciting this may be the event you have been waiting for. A zombie run is the perfect way to wind down and have fun as the end of the second term approaches. Jo Day, organising the run as part of the successful Go Play – sport for all programme described the event as open to all staff and students at Newcastle University of all fitness levels. The run gives students and staff the

few. Make-up artists and face painters will be available on the day to help achieve your look. You may choose to be an escapee and run during the event. In this role you have one task, to survive. Avoiding the zombies and the trials of the run you will be guided by marshals through the route to the finish line. Costumes are of course required for this role too. Who knows when the zombie hoards could descend and catch you unawares, whatever you chose to wear just be ready to run. For both roles there is a £2 fee to participate, which goes straight to Sport Relief. Medals are going to be awarded for participation on the day. The course is 5K, (3miles) and, remember, no membership to any clubs

opportunity to choose to be a zombie or an escapee. In the role of as one of the un-dead you will be asked to shuffle to a specific ambush point, lurk around for your chosen human snack, catch them and feed on delicious brains which have been thoroughly exercised and grown this term. Get creative with your costume. Zombies don’t choose when they turn. Be a zombie bride, who would have thought you would end up as a zombie on your wedding day. The choices of costume are of course endless, a zombie school girl, mechanic, scientist, artist or footballer to name a

or societies is required, like all other Go Play events no previous experience is needed to take part. This is another one of the 25 sporting events Go-Play organises every term. All zombie run participants are asked to contact Jo Day in the Activities Centre, Level 1 in the Student Union or sign up on line via if they want to participate by Friday 21st March. Jo is also interested in hearing from people who would be prepared to marshal the event on 26th March – please contact Jo Day to volunteer at active. Go on; get involved!

By Wendy Carr

Zombies don’t choose when they turn. Be a zombie bride, who would have thought you would end up as a zombie on your wedding day.

THRILLER: Students will get the chance to don their best zombie outfits and make-up. Image: Go Play

Monday 10 March 2014

The Courier

Uni showcases global impact of research By Adam Martin Newcastle University has launched a new multimedia campaign aimed to highlight the global impact of its research. From ‘smart’ cancer drugs to Smart Grids for energy storage, The International Research Impact campaign draws attention to the positive impact academics are having around the world in areas such as health, the environment and engineering. The campaign features a series of case studies from across varying university faculties, showcasing work in a number of academic disciplines where the university is world-renowned. Abi Kelly, Director of Public Relations at Newcastle, explains: “As a civic university, our research is sharply focused on addressing the big issues facing the world today. Our academics are responding to the most pressing needs and demands of civil society and have an outstanding reputation for having international impact. “This campaign throws a spotlight on their success and demonstrates just how far Newcastle University’s international footprint reaches. Raising the profile of our global research impact will ensure we continue to attract the best quality students, staff and collaborations.” Hepatologists from Newcastle have recently established a safe and reliable non-invasive diagnostic technique for non-alcoholic fatty liver disease, a form of liver disease that is rapidly becoming commonplace in the Western world.

Until the breakthrough, the only accurate way to determine the severity of the disease was with a liver biopsy. In addition, a team from the School of Civil Engineering and Geosciences is helping to tackle the global problem of water pollution caused by mining. This work includes the trialling of a system to remove metal from water without the need for energy or chemicals. The ‘vertical flow pond’ in the Lake District National Park has been designed in collaboration with the Coal Authority, National Trust and Environment Agency, and funded by the Department for Environment, Food and Rural Affairs. The method could pave the way for cleaning up abandoned metal mines across England and potentially the world. Elsewhere at Newcastle, geographers and sociologists are conducting research into human trafficking in Nepal, helping women and children rebuild their lives after bad experiences. This major project was one of the first of its kind in the world. The School of Education, Communication and Language Sciences are currently trying to create low-cost education in Africa and Asia. Additional research projects involved in the campaign include the discovery of a gene responsible for regulating alcohol consumption which, when faulty, can lead to excessive drinking. A pioneering treatment for dementia is also being showcased. The research projects are currently being presented on a website (www.ncl. On Twitter, the campaign is using the Twitter hashtag, #ImpactNCL.

IMPACT: Sociologist from the Uni are researching human trafficking in Nepal. Image: Newcastle Uni

The Courier


Monday 10 March 2014

CU prompt week of reflection and debate By Ruth Davis This past week has seen an outdoor living room set up outside the Union, a lot of free food on offer and a surplus of yellow T-shirts. The reason for this is a week of events hosted by Newcastle University Christian Union, taking its name from the Mumford and Sons song ‘You Were Made to Meet Your Maker’, was to allow everyone the opportunity to explore the person of Jesus, regardless of their beliefs. There were various forms of events on offer, with a free lunch provided every day of the week alongside a talk given by Adrian Holloway. These talks explored topics such as whether science disproves Christianity and if there is reason to trust the Bible. Second year physiologist Rachel Hook commented on the good use of illustrations to make the talks relevant to everyone listening. The evenings saw St Luke’s Church provide a meal alongside a slightly longer talk, which discussed the evidential basis of Christianity, and explored the question what difference do the claims of Christ make to our lives? These talks were less academic, focussing on our capacity as human beings to personally experience god for ourselves, and thought by dental student Rebecca Knight to be ‘interesting and inspiring’. An area was set up on the grass outside the SU to look just like a living room, complete with tea and biscuits. It created a relaxed atmosphere where people

could come and have a drink and chat about anything, or ask any questions they may have. James Street, third year architect and president of the Christian Union discusses the purpose behind the week: “We believe God loves and wants a personal relationship with everyone. This week created a non-pressured environment to give everyone the opportunity to explore who Jesus says he is. Jesus claims ‘I am the way, the truth and the life’, and if this is true, then it’s relevant to everyone who’s ever lived. This week was a non-pressured opportunity to challenge your views, to explore possibilities by looking at the evidence and questioning it for yourself.” Reflecting on the week, third year Psychology student Beth Grist com“This week mented ‘‘it’s been cool seeing peowas a non ple so interested, pressured with myths about opportunity to Christianity bechallenge your ing dissolved and people learnviews, ing about their to explore creator who loves them so much’’. possibilities” Anyone with questions or wanting to find out more is still welcome to check the Christian Union website, Facebook, or Twitter. There will also be a follow on group meeting weekly on Monday evenings in Northumberland Street’s Costa to explore further the Bible’s claims.

CHILLING: The CU outside area was set up for debate and chats about Christianity. Image: Joe Wood

NE forefronts tumour study By Antonia Velikova Scientists from Newcastle University are involved with ground-breaking research which will revolutionise the ways childhood brain tumours are treated. The new study will explore new ways of tackling the most dangerous types of cancer that affect children. The research is co-funded by a £2m grant from The Brain Tumour Charity and Children with Cancer UK, and a further £2m from other sources, one of which Great Ormond Street Hospital Children’s Charity. A team of scientists from Newcastle University currently based at the Northern Institute for Cancer Research will look into the genetic and biochemical features of aggressive forms of brain cancer. “The benefits that we’re trying to bring to children with brain tumours are twofold’’, said the leader of the research team and Professor of Molecular Paediatric Oncology in the University, Steven Clifford. “Through understanding the biology of brain tumours in much more detail, we hope to be able to increase the cure rate. And for those children that survive their brain tumours, we also want to make sure that their quality of life is as good as it can be.” The North East is once again at the forefront of cancer research as a new life-extending breast cancer drug trialled in the region is available for women with the HER2 gene who have stopped responding to treatment has

been recently tested and is now available to all those who may need it. Newcastle is one of three UK centres that make up the INSTINCT network, created to further the understanding and treatment of aggressive childhood brain tumours. The network, which also includes the University College London Institute of Child Health and the Institute of Cancer Research in London, brings together the work of leading scientists and clinicians in the field of high-risk paediatric brain tumour. “Funding for INSTINCT’s work is critical,” Professor Clifford commented. “The money for this new programme will underpin our efforts for the next five years to allow us to make new biological discoveries and move those forward into the clinic.” The Newcastle scientists on the newlyfunded INSTINCT programme will focus on a type of fast-growing tumour known as medulloblastoma. In another strand of the research, they will work with the Institute of Child Health to investigate the genetic differences between very rare tumours known as ATRT (atypical teratoid/rhabdoid tumours) and ETANTR (embryonal tumour with abundant neuropil and true rosettes). The INSTINCT research project is part of an overall £10 million investment in UK brain tumour research, made possible thanks to £5 million in grants from the Brain Tumour Charity and £5 million matched funding from other sources.


Monday 10 March 2014

The Courier


Evictions follow drugs bust

GREEN FINGERS: SCAN’s Green market promoted sustainability and support local traders. Image: SCAN

Job Title: Newcastle Work Experience Fashion Blog Writer Employer: Kings and Dukes Closing date: 23/02/2014 Salary: £600 bursary Basic job description: Kings and Dukes is a designer clothing shop situated in Whitley Bay, selling men’s and children’s designer clothing for the past 24 years. We have a newly created website and are seeking a talented individual to write a weekly fashion blog highlighting trends, our latest products and features. The role will also include writing press releases and articles for the brand. Person requirements: We are seeking an individual with a passion for blogging and social media, and an interest in fashion. You should have excellent written and communications skills, with the ability and time to write a 250 - 500 word blog per week. Working hours are flexible. Location: Working from home (occasional meetings in Whitley Bay required). Job Title: NCS Sessional Worker Vacancies Employer: Catch 22 Closing date: 20/06/2014 Salary: £7.33 per hour Basic job description: National Citizen Service (NCS) provides young people in Years 11 and 12 from all backgrounds, and with varying abilities, with the opportunity and support to take on new challenges, learn new skills and make a difference. You will be responsible for working directly with young people to support their development and progression through each stage of the NCS. Person requirements: Experience of working directly with young people presenting violent and challenging behaviour and experience of leading the planning, delivery and evaluation of activities for and with young people. Able to work within a flexible timetable as this post requires working evenings, weekends and during school holidays. Location: North East Job Title: Sales & Retentions Advisor Part Time Employer: NRG Closing date: 10/03/2014 Salary: £7.14 per hour Basic job description: The role involves working as part of a large team handling both inbound and outbound customer calls. You will deal with various customer enquiries, explain details on their account and

be able to understand different customer requirements. You will be responsible for promoting business products and services to customers and retaining customer accounts. Person requirements: You should have proven customer service experience in order to apply. Due to the nature of the role candidates must be able to pass a credit check and provide satisfactory references. This role will also be subject to a Basic Disclosure. Location: Cobalt Business Park Job Title: Shop Assistant Employer: Rehill’s of Jesmond Closing date: 06/03/2014 Salary: Minimum wage applies. Basic job description: General shop duties to include: replenishing stock, handling cash, occasional lifting of heavy goods. Person requirements: Need to be punctual, reliable and living in the local area for the full academic term. Should be available to start ASAP. Location: Jesmond Job Title: Waiting Staff Employer: Café Rouge Closing date: 05/05/2014 Salary: Competitive Basic job description: Café Rouge is the UK’s premier French café brand with a broad all day offering of classic French dishes and wines. We are looking for committed, passionate and enthusiastic waiting team members to join our restaurant. Training will be given if you are successful. Person requirements: As a member of the Café Rouge Waiting Team, you will ideally have experience on the floor in a similar restaurant environment. You will be a team player who really believes that the customer experience is not just something that happens at the table and that every member of the team is just as important as everyone else. Location: Gateshead Job Title: Customer Service Advisor Part Time Employer: AA Closing date: 06/04/2014 Salary: £7.90 per hour Basic job description: We are currently recruiting for part time staff to work in our Member Retention Section. The department is often the first point of contact for most members who have a query regarding their membership; they may want to do something as simple as change their name

and/or address, upgrade their existing package or make a complaint. Person requirements: Looking for a career that you can fit around your study commitments? Are you a determined person who loves to have goals to achieve? Do you find it easy to engage others and build rapport? If yes, then why not apply for a job with the AA! Location: Newcastle upon Tyne Job Title: Male Personal Assistant Employer: Disability North Closing date: 04/03/2014 Salary: £8.50 per hour Basic job description: A Male Personal Assistant is required to work 6-9 hours per week supporting a 33 year old man. You will assist with various social and educational activities. The posts are most suitable for enthusiastic and motivated individuals, who have an interest in sport. Person requirements: You must have a sense of humour and be flexible around working hours. Driver preferred. Posts are subject to CRB checks and references. Location: Newcastle upon Tyne Job Title: Newcastle Work Experience Online Marketing Assistant Employer: North East Access to Finance Closing date: 23/02/2014 Salary: £600 bursary Basic job description: North East Access to Finance (NEA2F) acts as a signpost for local businesses to sources of finance and support in the region. In addition, NEA2F are working to develop new sources of public investment funding that will become available to the regions SMEs. The purpose of the placement will be to contribute to, and manage certain areas of a project designed to increase traffic to both NEA2F websites. Person requirements: Previous experience or knowledge of SEO and Google Analytics is essential and proficiency in MS Excel, PowerPoint, and Word is required. Attention to detail is crucial in this role along with strong organizational, project management and time keeping skills. Experience of working with CMS and building/administering content in CMS environments (particularly WordPress) is desired. Location: Gateshead

Two University of Nottingham students have been evicted from their halls as a result of a drugs bust. The students were found in possession of Class B drugs and have been given two days’ notice to leave their accommodation. A member of Hall staff confirmed that evidence of drug use had been found following a raid which took place at 7am on Tuesday morning. Although Dave Walton, the Compliance and Investigations Manager, could not provide an official comment as a result of stu-

dent data protection, he did confirm the University of Nottingham’s drugs policy. “When students first join Halls they are given a briefing by the warden outlining the University’s position on drug use. If a student is found in the possession of cannabis they are given a warning, if a second offence is committed then they are excluded from the Halls. If a class A drug is found then students face immediate exclusion and the police are informed”, Walton said. Other residents acknowledged that the students had broken Hall rules before.

Counselling cases on the rise The number of students seeking professional counselling because of mental health difficulties has risen at Goldsmiths. The most common issues were mood disorders, anxiety, depression, anger and academic issues. The number of issues seen by the Counselling Service rose by 32% between 2011 and 2013. Cases of anxiety more than doubled in a year, rising from 102 to 223 cases seen by the Counselling Service. The number of cases described as depression, anger and mood change, more than doubled in three years with 167 cases last academic

year compared to 76 three years earlier. Issues of self and identity also more than doubled last academic year. “In those circumstances, given how hard it is to get counselling on the NHS, it’s absolutely integral that a university should have a very well-funded counselling service,” explained Søren Goard, Education Officer at Goldsmiths Students’ Union. “The people that we do have in the counselling service are fantastic, if anything they deserve more support – they deserve more resources and I think the university needs to take it more seriously.”

Recycling scheme success Lancaster University has decreased its carbon emissions by 42% in comparison to the past six years, according to a statement by the University which revealed figures for the University’s recycling scheme from the academic years 200607 to 201213. Jonathan Mills, the Carbon, Environment and Sustainability Manager explained that the University’s carbon emissions from recycling and waste have fallen because “carbon emissions associated with reuse, recycling and recov-

ery are much lower than that associated with disposing of waste to landfill.” He also pointed out that “a massive amount of effort has been put into improving facilities for reuse and recycling at Lancaster over the years.” This allows Lancaster University to make an impact for its environment in the long-term. Mills’ advice to staff and students who wish to improve their recycling habits is to recycle or reuse as much as possible. Lancaster University is committed to helping reduce the rate in the future by trying to reduce its carbon footprint as much as possible.

Images: Pilar Torres, Rima Xaros, Michael Fawcett

Antonia Velikova

The Courier


Monday 10 March 2014


Comment Editors: Joe Wood and Lydia Carroll Deputy Comment Editor: Victoria Armstrong | @Courier_Comment

Student stripping: pole position? A new study in The British Journal of Sociology of Education has revealed that nearly a third of women working in lap-dancing and stripping positions are also full-time students. The study cited the rising cost of tuition fees and the appeal of earning large amounts of cash in hand as reasons behind the increase. But do these ends ever justify the means?


Dominique Daly

Since the upheaval of university fees and the looming reality of leaving our student years in serious debt, many students are feeling the pinch on their pockets and looking for quick money making alternatives to sustain their lifestyles. But at what cost do these quick-cash options come? It has been said that a third of strippers in the UK are students, paying their way for their education - but in reality, do they need to? These young girls have worked their butts off to get into university, and now they feel the need to get their butts out to stay there! Let alone the fact that stripping is undeniably degrading and an overtly sexualized profession which treats women as objects and requires that men feel in control of women to get his money’s worth. These women who partake in sex work to pay for an overpriced education seem to be overlooking the systems put in place by the government to ensure that tuition fees do not burden a student whilst they actually study. Student tuition loans enable every student to feel safe in the knowledge that their £9000 education is secure each year, and they don’t have to start paying back this money until they gain a job earning £21,000 and over. And even then these monthly repayments start as low as £30 a month – which is probably a lot less than student strippers even spend on sexy lingerie, fake tans and makeup to keep those sleazy men they rely on happy.


All is fair in love and war, and, apparently, in part-time university work. While I myself am not exactly a stripping fan, the one very important point we need to remember is that essentially no one took a stick and beat those students up until they shouted desperately “Yes! Yes, I give up! I shall now take my clothes off for money!” Somewhere along the line, a conscious decision to strip has been made on behalf of the (assuming female) university student’s part. Now I don’t know how much a stripper gets on a day-to-day basis but from what I’ve seen, read, and heard, I’d assume it’s a good load of cash. So if they’re in need and they don’t have scruples as to twerking for slimy guys for money – I say why not. At the age of 18, 19 or 20, you’re a conscious adult, with your own choices to make. The feminist-based double standard is also interesting here. For you and me, the objectification of the woman’s body might seem degrading and somewhat oppressive, that’s fine. But if the woman who exercises the stripper job herself doesn’t feel that way, and so I don’t see why it should be a problem for her to get the means to an end in any way that she deems acceptable. Everyone’s entitled to have their opinion on whether or not stripping is morally correct or not, however I don’t think anyone who works as a stripper, man or woman alike, needs to be berated by the choices they make for themselves.

“Students work their butts off to get in to uni; then they must get them out to stay there”


Image: Sean MacEntee

Antonia Velikova


Tony makes a fair point in saying that we shouldn’t berate someone for the choices that they have made as a willing adult; and that’s a nice ideal, isn’t it? However, I’m sorry to say that we don’t live in such a perfect world, and the watchful eye of future employers will not be so kind and accepting of a woman’s choice – empowering or desperate a move as it may have been- to take her clothes off and twerk it until her heart and her landlord are content. Now I’m not saying that all professions will look down on this as a previous occupation, and if a woman feels that dancing is her passion then go ahead shake it ‘til you make it! But assuming that most of these women who have taken the financial plunge of university in the first so they can aim for higher occupational horizons (such as lawyers, doctors, teachers and architects to name but a few) I dare say their CV maybe overlooked in favour of those students who chose to skip a few luxuries and live on beans on toast for three years instead. As someone who is currently struggling with finances and an inability to gain part-time employment I really do understand the plight of the skint student. But that said, I’m still not about to run down to For Your Eyes Only and jump on the pole! There’s much more to life than money and £300 a night now may cost a lifetime of regret.

The point Dominique makes that future employers that might have, mildly put, reservations towards hiring an ex-stripper is spot-on. And I’m sure that strippers themselves are also painfully aware of that fact – unless they live in a tin can, they can’t not know about the attitude towards their chosen profession. But the CV is something you essentially write to sell yourself - not a permanent record. If I’m applying for a competitive job in today’s competitive market I’d certainly have half a brain and not mention every miserable part-time job I’ve taken on during my university years for the sake of money. While this might be a bit of an idealistic viewpoint, I believe that the job you do while at university isn’t supposed to be in any way fabulous, and as long as you know you won’t be doing that for the rest of your life, there’s nothing wrong or shameful about that. If a person is driven enough, they’ll find other ways to work towards the goals in their life, using the money they get off their job as a temporary resource, until they move along to something much better. This applies to my not-glamorous-indeed call centre job, so why can’t it apply to strippers as well? Of course, there’s also the flipside of that coin, the strippers who go into the business and end up staying there for good. Again, while this is a combination of a couple of factors, it is in its essence still a consciously made choice on the strippers’

“At twenty you are a conscious adult, with your own choices to make”

What’s Francis flapping? What he said:

Lent is a good time for sacrificing. Let us deny ourselves something every day to help others.

What he meant:

I hope those bloody bishops and priests will restrain themselves a little...

What he said:

Let us pray for all good and faithful priests who dedicate themselves to their people with generosity and unknown sacrifices.

What he meant:

If only they could remain unknown... bloody hell! Where’s my rum?

Image: Catholic Church (England and Wales)

What he said:

Our Lady is always close to us, especially when we feel the weight of life with all its problems.

What he meant:

Glad she bloody is! Hell, I have 99 problems already, no need for dat bitch to make it a hundred.

Joe Wood



Monday 10 March 2014

The Courier

Calm down darlin’ it’s sport

CONTRACEPTION So the other day I went with my friend for a very scary doctors appointment. I was the hand to squeeze, but she was the one who had to have a 40mm-long tube yanked out of her arm. You know you get phantom pregnancies? Well I felt phantom pain whilst she had her implant taken out and it made me feel pretty pissed off, to be perfectly honest, at the injustice of the situation. Injections in the bum, taking a pill at a regimented time every day, the extremely intimate copper coil…it’s just NOT fun. But what’s the alternative? Well, we’ve all been through the painfully cringeworthy experience of sex education, but the realities are very different. The whole ‘condoms are rubbish’ argument is, so to speak, a bit floppy…but it’s just one of those opinions held by a lot of people. Male contraceptive pills have been in development for the past 50-odd years but, um, really? In the 5th century BC, Hippocrates tried heating men’s balls in a hot bath, but until guys show that level of commitment, it’s just not going to cut it…ouch! Anna Templeton

Image: russianconstructivism

Helen Grant’s comment that women should do feminine sports has sparked questions relating to how sports girls and women are perceived and treated

Jamie Shepherd

BUZZFEED I’d compare Buzzfeed to an opiate for 2 reasons: firstly because it is highly addictive and secondly because it’s doing a very good job of numbing people’s brain cells. With its intoxicating lists of “23 ways to know that you’ve found the one you love”, and its quizzes to determine “which minor Harry Potter character’s extended family member you are”, Buzzfeed caters for a lucrative market of procrastinating students gleefully wiling away hours in the library. It’s not essays that these students are putting off; it is nothing but sheer maturity. When I read these articles, I don’t know whether it’s my experience of being a “borderline mature student” (22 and single in-case you’re wondering) or whether I need to acknowledge that everyone reads as high-brow periodicals as I, I can’t help but feel as if the emotionally stunted writing style is only serving to turn the people reading it into gooey drips. If I see one more article about how to take lessons from Disney princesses then I will take my laptop and throw it out of a window on the top-floor of the Herschel building… probably. Jamie Shepherd

TROTSKY As someone whose Marxist credentials are almost non-existent, Leon Trotsky still resonates as an inspirational figure. As a revolutionary military commander, he built up the forces of the Red Army from scratch. He led the defeat of the White Army in the civil war of early Socialist Russia: a defeat for the idea of absolute monarchy of the Tsarist era, as well as a defeat for violent anti-Semitism (a point that even Winston Churchill was able to recognise). He was also an exemplary writer and intellectual with an uncanny talent for political foresight. He correctly predicted, in his fiery assault upon Stalinist terror in “the Revolution betrayed,” the eventual pact between Stalin and Hitler, which was to unite the two largest totalitarian powers. It was in 1934 when Trotsky was a lone voice for early intervention against Nazi Germany. This was at a time when the German Communist and Social Democrats were preoccupied with their own internal squabbles, and whilst the rest of the world believed he could be contained. International solidarity and “fascism equals war” is still an honourable Trotskyist tradition for the 21st Century. Matt Corden


don’t know if it was like this where anyone else grew up, but in my secondary school there was an incredibly strong gender divide along the lines of Physical Education and sports. In the winter months us boys were marched around the rugby pitch without fail for 2 hours every week come rain or shine in the skimpiest little rugby shorts imaginable with no other sport getting a look in at all. The girls on the other hand had such a wide range of activities. In terms of conventional sports they had the varying option of netball or hockey, and every now and then they got the luxury that for some reason was denied to us boys… FOOTBALL. As well, there were also the occasional classes in gymnastics and trampolining that the girls got to take part in while the studs on our rugby boots barely made a dint in the solidly frozen ground as every PE session we would endure nothing but rough, unforgiving rugby. You’d think that with all the focus on rugby, that our school team would be pretty good, but we were pretty much bottom of the league every year I was there (not that I’m suggesting my presence had anything to do with this) while the girls hockey and

netball teams excelled in regional heats. Instead of praise and adulation from their male peers the girls got nothing but scorn and envy from the alpha males in the school yard.

“This gendered sports anxiety is still something you’ll see on campus” The fact that females were experiencing a better form of athletic success than any of us boys were was to a certain extent threatening to the machismo of the muscle boneheads that captained our rugby teams. So naturally, as is unfortunate in most cases were a chauvinistic male is threatened by the success of a female this turned into a form of crude sexual



WW1 Kaiser Re-enactment


ladimir Putin has been hailed a hero with his First World War, 100 year anniversary celebrations in Crimea. In an interview he explains his hopes of ‘reminding people of the horrors of war caused by the invasion of a small and vulnerable nation by a dominant superpower.’ The move has already grabbed the attention of players from the original World War, with the USA and Britain preparing to ‘give a good show’ with fleets and troops mobilising. The Kremlin explained the desire to improve on the previous First World War stating ‘last time we had horses and rifles; today we have apache helicopters and nuclear warheads. We hope it will be an even more spectacular show!’

name-calling or the makings of assumptions of sexual orientation. As we got closer to Year 11 a lot of our shining female athletes stopped taking an interest in sports altogether for fear that they would get tarred with the lesbian brush and no longer be attractive to the “lads” in our school. To be seen to do something as unfeminine as sports was almost the biggest crime a girl on the edge of 17 could commit against their gender. This gender divide in sports still something you’ll see today on campus when you hear about girls that do sports like rugby or if you remember the contrasting advertisement for our women’s rugby team that felt like it had to show the girls dressed for a night out alongside an image in their uniform. There is still the association that girls that play rugby are somewhat lacking in femininity and bordering. This is aggressively masculine to the point that as a culture of men and women we have to make commiserations and apologise if our interests fall outside our preconceived notions of acceptable gender practice. A healthy interest, an interesting hobby, or any form of success should be praised and encouraged no matter who the person in question is.

Dave dials like a Downing Don Image: RPPIO

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avid Cameron has hit the headlines with news that he has grasped the technology of phone-calling. The Prime Minister released an official statement: ‘‘Me and Obama had just been chatting, talking about girls and tingz. Yeah it’s cause we’re bezzies and that. Like he said I can come over to his and have dinner sometime but I have to ask Samantha first.’’ In related news it has been revealed by lead SHN reporter Rupert MacHackphone that ‘Cameron is in fact the secretive and mysterious voice of the banker off Deal or No Deal? This is mainly due to him being the last person in the UK to use a wired telephone. In other news: Jihadist militants kill swathes of civilians in Nigeria, acts of violence continue to plague women in India, etc. Image: Joe Wood @David_Cameron

The Courier


Monday 10 March 2014

Dyslexia: science or excuse?


Voice of


The controversial book The Dyslexia Debate has ignited a new debate over the scientific validity of the diagnosing dyslexia. Is this new controversy founded or is it unfair to critique the condition?

Al Bell


enuine impairment or poor excuse? That’s the subject of a new war of words this week as dyslexia, the ironically hardto-spell condition that affects up to one in five people’s ability to read (and is also an anagram of ‘daily sex’), was branded a ‘meaningless label’ by top academics. In his controversial new book The Dyslexia Debate, Professor Julian Elliot of Durham University claimed that dyslexia, is so broad in scope that it’s almost impossible to determine who has a bona fide issue and who’s just a bit crap at English. But for once, this isn’t the fault of the benefit-scrounging poor or the tax-dodging rich, or even those pesky immigrants. The onus, says Prof. Elliot, lies with none other than the goody-two-shoes middle class. I always knew they’d been too good for too long! It would seem that in today’s competitive society, where children are put under ever-mounting pressure to perform academically from an early age, white suburban Waitrose-frequenting parents can’t stomach the thought of their offspring being anything less than brilliant at everything. Kids who

happen to be lacking in the linguistic department are branded dyslexic, which avoids the dreaded label of ‘stupid’. But scholars argue that because literacy problems are so diverse, the word ‘dyslexic’ has become overused and devoid of meaning. Kind of like ‘swag’ in a way, then.

“Who am I to dismiss a condition I know nothing about?” Victims of the terminological illness, are treated to liberties such as unlimited time extensions in exams, which I must say seems a little unfair. If the point of an exam is to test one’s ability to read and write, then it doesn’t figure that the lesser-skilled are blindly given an advantage. I sucked at PE

throughout school, but was I given magic boots? No! I had to endure sweaty defeat. But I took comfort in the knowledge that I’d be a champion after breaktime, analysing Lord of the Flies like a literary Paul Scholes. But variety is, after all, the spice of life. We can’t all be good at everything, and no hollow epithet is going to change that. On the other hand, who am I to dismiss a condition that I know nothing about? I’ve never had trouble reading (except for five minutes before a hungover 9AM), and it’s probably fair to say that Professor Elliot hasn’t either. For sufferers, it can’t be pleasant to hear that the ailment which has restricted you for your whole life is bogus, and maybe you are just a thicko after all. Harsh. So what are we to think? People struggle with literacy for all sorts of reasons: it could be down to genetics, mental impairment, your upbringing, a bad teacher, even just a lack of motivation. But one thing is certain. If we continue to use this umbrella term of dyslexia, individual circumstances will be overlooked, the quality of help will deteriorate and, worst of all, sufferers will believe their adversity is beyond their control. Arbitrary labelling removes the burden of personal responsibility, and that goes for society as a whole. The sooner we all stop putting each other into futile little boxes, the sooner we can start taking control of our own lives.

Percentages of mock-jurors who believe that any rape victim who did these things were either partially or wholly responsible for their rape Statistics: Amnesty International 2005


As claims that society has already achieved social equality gain force, it’s important to remember why Feminism still needs a voice pants’ opinions of where blame lay were recorded. changes the bottom line though of: it doesn’t matthis shocking report, it was shown that the many ter what she was wearing, or that she was walking Victoria Armstrong Inpeople do not hesitate to place fault with the victim alone at night, or that she didn’t report it straight


n light of last Friday’s campaign outside the SU, some have been asking the question: do we still need feminism? The answer to this is a simple and resounding ‘yes’. And in saying this, I’m going to focus in on one of many valid reasons: the fact that when rape cases are brought to court, the question of victim-blaming is still so prevalent. The issue of rape in general reveals how far behind our society truly is in regards to gender equality. Estimates of the amount of rapes in the UK annually vary from 60,000 to 90,000 of which 15,000 on average are reported. This is an horrific issue in itself, however, the real need for greater support for feminism comes after this, when we look at the cases that actually reach the court room. The perceptions that society holds in regards to when we can begin to blame the victims of rape are appalling. This can be seen from surveys done by Amnesty International of mock jurors where hypothetical situations were posed and the partici-

for a variety of reasons. 30% of people attribute full or partial blame to rape victims who were drunk at the time. Disturbingly, 8% of people fully blame the victim if they have had ‘many’ sexual partners. Clearly the notions of individual autonomy and a woman’s right to freedom in relationships and in her sexuality are far removed from a disturbing proportion of society’s psyche. Perhaps most worryingly, over a third of people believe that when it comes to consent, it is not a matter of saying ‘yes’; it’s simply an absence of ‘no’ being said or it not being said “clearly enough”. On the face of the matter, the UK appears to be very progressive compared to societies where rape victims are openly punished, disgraced and blamed for what has happened to them. However, whilst we do not stoop to shame-killing our rape victims, there is still a culture of finding the victim in some way to blame. We look for any reason to say ‘but she was wearing skimpy clothes’ or ‘but she let him buy her a drink earlier in the night’. None of this

away, or if she’d been drinking, or if she didn’t say no clearly enough. It’s still rape and it’s still entirely the perpetrator’s fault. Indeed the overall percentage of rapes that see a conviction is believed to be approximately 5.6%, one of the lowest conviction rates for any crime in the country. As UniLad posted ‘if the girl you’ve taken for a drink… won’t ‘spread for your head’, think about this mathematical statistic: 85% of rape cases go unreported. That seems to be fairly good odds’. Add the fact that there’s about a 95% chance of avoiding a conviction and it seems pretty clear that society has still not embraced feminism as fully as it must be. So yes, there is still a need for feminism. And no, feminist students are not ‘crazy dykes’ as some call them. They are the students who know that about 1 in 7 female students will be sexually assaulted during their time at university and do not think that that is acceptable and choose to do something about it.

No. 12: Knuckle down


ell it’s heading towards that time of year; the student body knuckles down and begins to comprehend the reality that is examinations and dissertations and the notion of the academic year heading towards a close.W I take no interest in such things myself of course, but one cannot deny that it is fascinating to watch the change overcome Newcastle’s less popular residents. Less of the alcohol-swilling and disreputable plebian behaviour for which they are famous, no, now one can see them scurrying like ants in search of worthwhile pursuits... the library and lectures and to a whole host of other, usually foreign, locales. “Earn those degrees that the nation is paying for!” Rah rah. I remember back to my glorious, pleb-free days at Oxford and the unwelcome feelings that came as I knew my university days were dawning on me. The notion of giving up a host of habits that were anti-social to a non-university crowd was positively nauseating. Of course, should one forgo the mundane choice of getting a job and simply choose to live at leisure, one may continue... there is still a certain air of societal disapproval though which can be off-putting. However, as if anyone would think themselves worthy to look down of my ancestry rah rah rah. A chuckle-worthy thought. After all, poverty is a choice and so is employment! I simply chose to inherit my gargantuan wealth allowing me my life of luxury and (well-deserved) relaxation. Having an excess of time is more necessary for those of the better-class in my worthwhile opinion. I’m sure there are those kumquat-minded individuals who argue elitism and virtue of birth, etc etc etc. Nonsensical garbage, it goes without saying. We who are born to wealth and born to it for a reason, we possess the innate superiority that allows us to consider politics and study the words of the greats like David Cameron, Vladimir Putin and the Caesar’s dog-food advertisements. Our time is considerably better spent in this way rather than performing repetitive physical tasks designed for those of considerably lower intellects. Such simple folk have little chance of understanding academic concepts and political complexities to the extent that it would be needlessly cruel to make them realise their inherent and overwhelming inadequacy. Indeed, if they had any power we would all simply be buried under an avalanche of their incompetence. That is not to say that these people do not have worth however! In the same way that I am above them in terms of what counts, they are built of tougher materials than my peers and me. We are not designed to deal with physical labouring in the bleak cold. In this way, we can see as Darwin proclaimed that we have all adapted to our position in nature and life. Thus I am not ‘elitist’ nor do I look down on others... we all have different premier qualities, but it just so happens that my qualities are amongst the better ones available, rah rah. Yours,

Pugs Overheard by Victoria Armstrong Illustration by Flora Anderson

Pugs has got a new iPad, and he’s been dictating tweets to his manservant Timmons. Follow him on Twitter at @LaVoiceofReason

Monday 10 March 2014

The Courier

Lifestyle Editors: Evie O’Sullivan, Elizabeth Archer, Hazel Parnell and Katie Smith

Fantasy threesome

Annie Lord


Britain’s most erotic love triangle with a political twist of naughtiness Sir Alan Sugar

Stage fright #7

hen women let men buy them a drink in a club they engage in an unwritten sexual contract much like a down payment on a house. By setting up this ‘contract’ men acknowledge they are willing to pay you to get drunk enough to sleep with them. For women it’s the ultimate lose-lose: sleep with him and you’re a hoe, if you don’t you’re a cock tease. My friend, who frequently dons the stride of pride, calls his pulling technique ‘The Trio’. It involves three steps: ‘isolate, intoxicate, dominate’, and he refers to the ‘intoxicate’ stage as the fundamental step for getting a girl into bed. Is this purely because alcohol is a GABA positive allosteric modulator which aids the loss of our inhibitions? Or is it because women feel obliged to honour the ‘contract’? Buying a girl a drink is the gentlemanly thing to do and it can be very attractive. Once on a night out in Harrogate, home of many a middle class posh boy, I was surprised when a bartender presented me with a bottle of champagne which had been sent over by a self-confessed millionaire sitting at the other side of the bar. Blinded by the excitement of drinking something which cost over £5, I blissfully ignored the signs that the drinks I was receiving were not free. Even when he told me to enter his name into my phone as ‘money’ I failed to recognise that he was a bel-

“For women it’s the ultimate lose-lose: sleep with him and you’re a hoe, if you don’t you’re a cock-tease” lend. As the night went on, one bottle had turned into two and one weird comment had turned into a few. When I rejected his offer to return to his I enjoyed having his credit card thrown at me as he demanded I bought rounds for the whole club. It was at this point I realised that accepting a drink is never free, because once you accept the drink, you have to put up with the guy who bought you it. My friend, Will, commented on the politically incorrect nature of this. What would happen if the roles were reversed and a guy approached a girl in the club and said ‘‘I’m a feminist. Buy me a drink’’? If you really like someone, petty stuff like whether or not they spent £2.50 on a Sambuca shot ceases

“Even when he told me to enter his name into my phone as ‘money’ I failed to recognise he was a bellend” to matter. I learnt this the other week when I was dragged back to TigerTiger for a birthday. A place full of old men sharking on sixth formers in short skirts. Because of this I was pleasantly surprised when a nice looking guy offered to get me a drink. The fact that he looked like Matthew McConaughey between films should perhaps have been a hint that he would not be buying me the vodka and coke I was conditioned to expect. The queue was long and as we were engulfed into the mob of sweaty vests and big pecs he continually asserted that he had no money. Despite believing him, I was still shocked when, after waiting 30 minutes, all he grabbed from the bar was two small plastic cups of tap water. We never spoke again. I like to tell myself that this was because I wrote down his number wrong, but maybe it is because after he went to all the trouble of getting me that cup of water, I didn’t even sleep with him afterwards.

For Alan’s apprentice in this endeavour, I imagine the most suitable candidate would be Nick Clegg. As a natural right-hand man, Cleggers has proven himself adept at screwing with a partner, so why not let him form a new coalition with the mighty Sir Alan. Fumbling around awkwardly whilst Alan takes care of the real business, Nick would be the perfect gentleman, serenading his mistress with apologies after every disappointing move but never giving up hope. We can only dream he’s as hung as his parliament, for all women would be safe in the hands of Clegg knowing that before the fruits of his labour are delivered, he’ll always be sure to withdraw.

Britain’s most erotic threesome would definitely require the presence of Sir Alan Sugar. Sugar is a man who knows what he wants and how he wants it, with that gruff domineering attitude that’s just so 50 Shades. Forever flanked by his trusty sidekicks Nick and Karen (Margaret got traded in for a younger model), one slave is just not enough for Sir Alan and his prized Tottenham Hot Spurts. With a name that gives the impression of a King’s Cross pimp, no celebrity threesome would be quite complete without Sir Alan and I’m sure he’d relish any opportunity to fire something a bit different across the boardroom.

Nick Clegg

The Queen

To complete this threesome, the only woman that could be powerful enough to handle the two studs would be (please don’t execute me), the Queen herself. Philip has long since been out of service and one can only image the sexual frustration that must be brewing under Her Majesty’s regal smile. The royal gates have been so heavily guarded over the years that they’re gathering cobwebs, so what better pair to breach them than Clegg and Sir Alan? The three are all old acquaintances, so there would be no need for any awkward introductions, and I’m certain the trio could go from tea at Buckingham Palace to foreplay on Alan’s boardroom table as quickly as one can call Jeeves. But who knows, it might have already happened before - does anyone really know how Sugar got knighted?

The outcome: And even if, most likely on account of Clegg’s participation, the whole experience was (as Alan would say) ‘‘a bloody shambles’’, we can be sure that our Queen would keep a stiff upper lip, think of England, and soldier on through. Jack Dempsey

How to negotiate a threesome


ell it’s somehow happened, you’re strutting out of a nightclub with a fully consenting adult under each arm, heading back to your place for hot coffee and a bit of Marvin Gaye. And then it strikes you: you didn’t think it would get this far, in fact you have no idea how to play this. A threesome can be a dangerous place, a man in the pub once told me that it is one of the leading causes of death in the developed world. Well fear not my horny chinchillas because Uncle George has a few handy pieces of advice to ladle out to you. I have been trawling the internet for years, watching “documentaries” with threesomes as the explicit subject matter and I can now say that I’m something of an expert in the area.

Step one: attaining your threesome The easiest way to do this is to belong to one of the following three professions: a pizza delivery man/ woman (preferably with a menu containing “hot Italian sausage”), an electrician specialising in air-conditioning, or a pool-boy/ girl. Understandably in this economy, employment options are scarce so the uniform of any of the above occupations may have to suffice. Now all you need to do is pack condoms and play

the waiting game. So far as I can tell, it’s only a matter of time until you have a couple of nymphomaniac clients who are unable to pay for your services and so an agreement must be arrived at.

Step two: know what you are getting into I t ’ s a little-known fact that whatever gender ratio you desire, that is to say two girls and one guy or vice versa, the gods of threesomes (Joey Tribbiani, Barney Stinson and the Marquis de Sade) will conspire to give you the oppo-

site. Be prepared to have your least favourite genitalia thrust in your facial region.

Step three: navigating the ground rules Eye contact between pre-threesome friends is strictly forbidden, but high-fiving and fist-bumping is not only acceptable but actively encouraged. Patience is a virtue, there will come a time when you will have to wait your turn. When this moment arises, ensure that you have a magazine or a novel close at hand in order to while away the minutes. A good phrase to bear in mind is “would this look good on camera?” If it wouldn’t then for the love of God don’t do it. Finally make sure that everybody knows which areas of your body are off limits and, if at all possible, mark these areas with fluorescent green dye.

George Smith

Culture The Courier


Monday 10 March 2014

Laura Green, 3rd Year History meets Alex Eyre, 3rd Year Medicine

Alex on Laura How did you find going on a blind date? Were you nervous? My housemates seem to think I’m a dating whore but a blind date is completely different, I was interested to see who I was going to meet – wouldn’t say I was too nervous though. Describe your first impressions of Laura in three words. Smiley, petite and attractive. What do you usually look for in a girl, and did Laura fit the bill? It’s pretty important for them to be up for a laugh and not take themselves too seriously. I tend to go for brunettes over blondes, but I’ve been known to dabble in both. She was pretty and game for a laugh, so yeah. Did the convo flow well? Yeah, after we grabbed a drink I don’t think we stopped talking til Jam Jar turned the lights up uncomfortably bright to kick us out - she was easy to talk to. What do you think is her best feature? Probably that she’s really ambitious.

“My house mates think I’m a dating whore” And if you had to name a worst? There was nothing bad really, but I was a bit gutted she wasn’t up for a rogue trip into town. It was probably for the best as I had an exam the next day. At any point in the date did you understand why she might be single? Not really, but I’m guessing she probably has no time seen as she’s constantly either locked down in the library or in a hungover state on a Megabus back from a night out somewhere. Any mentions of ex boyfs? Nope. What do you think your parents would make of her? They would probably be a massive fan, my rents love anyone with a life plan and as she put up with my chat over drinks – she stands a good chance or bearing theirs. Would your flatmates approve? It turned out they already knew Laura from RAG. I think they knew I was off to see her as they stepped up to give me a stern word or two making sure I’d ‘behave myself ’. So I’m guessing yes. Would you describe her as cute, sexy or hot? Cute. Would you describe her as mostly clever, funny or sweet? Funny. How did the date end, anything cheeky? We just said bye outside Jam Jar, nothing outrageous I’m afraid. Do you think you’ll see each other again? Probably, I’m not sure if it would be a date though – we’ll see.

Culture Editor: Sam Summers Sections: Lifestyle, Fashion, Beauty, Arts, Music, Film, TV and Science | @CourierOnline

Blind date

Where? Jam Jar Who paid? He did What did you drink? Beer, red wine and white wine

Laura on Alex

Describe your first impressions of Alex in three words. Charming, chatty and cute. What did you talk about? Erm, just general stuff really. We spoke a lot about our courses, hangovers, parents and we had a few mutual friends so we had loads to say. Were there any funny or awkward moments at the start? Luckily, no awkward moments so I was relieved as that was my biggest fear. He did unintentionally inform me of his occasional tendencies to get naked on nights out though. At any point in the date did you understand why he is single? Nope. Maybe he’s too busy with medicine. What do you think is his best feature? His confidence and he had nice eyes. And if you had to name a worst…? Maybe his love for Basement, and the fact he lives with all girls made me laugh but that’s not necessarily a bad thing. Would you take him home to meet your Mum and Dad? Yeah, why not? I imagine he would make a good impression on my mum and he plays golf so my dad would approve. Shag, marry or see-ya-bye? He’s definitely marriage material – he’s going to be a doctor. Need I say more?

“He has the tendency to get naked on nights out” Do you think there will be a second date? Don’t know about a date but, as I bailed on Basement and the casino on the night, I said I’d make it up to him so who knows? Would you describe him as cute, sexy or hot? Cute. Would you describe him as clever, funny or sweet? Awwww, I’d say he’s all of them. (Soppy, I know). Do you have a usual type, and if so did Alex fit the bill? I usually go for the generic type of tall, dark hair, dark eyes so yeah he fit it well. How did the date end, anything cheeky? Nothing cheeky I’m afraid. He did offer to walk me home though. The ultimate gentleman. Rate yo’ date: 8

Rate yo’ date: 7

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Monday 10 March 2014

The Courier

Lifestyle Editors: Evie O’Sullivan, Elizabeth Archer, Hazel Parnell and Katie Smith

Restaurant review: Peace and Loaf Peace and Loaf, 217 Jesmond Road, Newcastle Upon Tyne, NE2 1LA 0191 281 5222

Tom Tibble A

Pet Hate #1: Metro Etiquette

nyone that has ever used the metro will have probably witnessed the scenario I am about to sketch out. Haymarket platform is rammed, the upcoming train is rammed and for some people the part of the brain predisposed to logical decision-making is also rammed –rammed with shit. When a metro door opens its life as a normal door ceases and instead becomes the life of a pitch centre line for a mini game of dodge ball as two opposing sides, the Train Departers vs. Train Enterers, rush to the same central point to see who can claim the door space first.

“For some people the part of the brain predisposed to logic is also rammed with shit”

It could be simple. After all, people getting off the train, the Train Departers, just want to get off and the people waiting on the platform, the Train Enterers, just want to get on. But no, this is where the morons find their stage. The Train Departers have every right to make a swift move for the door space seen as though they are currently vacating the space that the Train Enterers so hungrily desire. Often though, a Train Departer’s attempt to exit the metro vehicle is met by the immovable force of the Train Enterer, a person whose needs are seemingly far more important than those of the Train Departer. What results is a socially messy merging; both teams meet in the middle of the door space and neither one can accomplish their overall goal of taking up the other’s position.

“The Train Enterer might be plagued by the fear that the train will leave the platform without them having gotten on it”

How might this conundrum be solved? The Train Enterer might be plagued by the fear that the train will leave the platform without them having gotten on it. That is fair enough, nobody wants to arrive for a train that they want to board, and then not board it. What the metro service affords the Train Enterer in these circumstances is the concept of enough time. This might mean that the door is open for an average of, for argument’s sake, ten seconds. It is reasonable to argue that ten seconds is not enough time but in light of making do with those ten seconds, a metro user should probably think about how best to use those ten seconds. The Train Enterer’s best chance of getting on the metro is by allowing enough space for the Train Departer to walk off, this then frees up space for the Train Enterer to enter the train and in the meantime, an awkward doorway hug come rugby scrum is avoided. This is blatantly obvious but like many blatantly-obvious-thingsthat-shouldn’t-happen, it happens. Perhaps the metro should commission a series of pedestrian equivalents to road signs; a right-of-way sign for Train Departers and a give-way sign for Train Enterers. Maybe the metro service should go the whole hog and make a system of traffic light signals for a hurried Train Enterer’s walk speed; red to halt, amber to mentally ready your walk and then green to go forward on to the metro vehicle itself. Ridiculous yes, but so is the idea of walking onto a metro before letting people walk off it.


eace and Loaf is headed by ex-masterchef professional, Dave Coulston, and his unique flair is something not to be missed. This new restaurant on Jesmond Road is really quite special. Our first impression of the restaurant was of the attentive staff and smart modern vintage interiors. For me, it was attention to detail, every furnishing had been clearly thought about and had its place, whilst things matched there was nothing sterile, which I believe established its unique flair. Atmos-

“Extra kudos for championing northern British foods that is all sourced as locally as possible.”

phere cannot be created on interiors alone though and there was a charming content buzz about the restaurant. Happy customers flooded in throughout the evening and whilst it was busy this equalized a more intimate ambiance created by the seating areas being spread over three open floors. The menu is certainly creative, offering enticing herb emulsions, fondant or terrine potatoes and Hanger Steaks with Oxtail and Smoked Bone Marrow. Often flamboyant and experimental food can just be pretentious, but when the first complimentary aperitif ’s arrived we knew that this chef could strike the balance between the beautiful and innovative. Extra kudos for championing northern British foods that is all sourced as locally as possible. And so, we were each spoilt by Cauliflower Cheese Panacotta, Mini Lamb Hotpots with Carrot Puree and Wild Mushroom Filo Cigars which were

just little teasers of the culinary delights to come. The exquisite presentation of our starters of Mackerel, Cucumber, Apple and Watercress and Scallop, Oyster Mushroom, Hazelnut, Parsnip and Rhubarb did not surpass the stunning flavours and textures that really did melt in your mouth. When the chef sent out another little stunner between our starters and mains it was clear that here they do not sacrifice overall quantity for quality either. I have never consciously used the word sublime before, but it is the only fitting description of our mains: Yellison, Rainbow Terrine, Roots, Shoots and Cabbage and Stonebass with Broccoli, Oyster and Ox tongue. If this isn’t enough to have you banging on the door for the next reservation wait for the best bit, for me this was heaven in a glass, we had Homemade Boozy Apple Sorbets with a generous splash of silky liqueur and finished with Prosecco and popping candy. Not desert, just a palate cleanser. If, like us, you cannot possibly choose one of the scrumptious sounding deserts, have the Assiette which a bite size of all the delicious sweet treats. Without being imposing, the staff are super friendly and very knowledgeable, making you feel that they would go out of their way to look after every customer’s individual needs. Special dietary requirements are all catered for but booking is definitely recommended. A meal here, starting at about £20 per head for the 3 course prix-fixe menu, may not appear to fit into the average student budget. However, for the quality of food, presentation and service it is extremely good value, making this the ideal place for visitors or an occasion. For a treat, go to Peace and Loaf for an exquisite meal. Harriet Sale

Dissertation de-stress

Dissertation hand-in dates are around the corner, but you’re still only halfway through and suffering from a serious bout of procrastination. You’re on the edge of a mental breakdown and have already found yourself tearing up in the library. But fear not, having already done one dissertation and signed myself up for another, I’ve got some timely advice on how to cope with writing your dissertation: 1. Always, always make sure you eat your

five a day. Mars, Twix, Crème Eggs, Haribo and Cadbury’s Dairy Milk should just about do it. Keep them at arms length at all times. It’s for your health after all.


Spending all your time in the library? Why not just move in? No rent, no bills and the group rooms on the 3rd floor are surprisingly comfy. The bathrooms may be communal but you’ll never lose your seat to a Fresher again.

3. Time is money, right? If you are finding that there aren’t enough hours in the day then simply stop doing all the non-essentials. My advice? Swap showers for wet wipe washes. Freshhh.

4. Legendary American writer, Hemingway

once said “write drunk; edit sober”, so who are we to disagree? Head to the union for a drink or six and then head back home ready to be inspired by the Jaeger flowing through your veins.

5. Daily exercise is key to staying healthy and

motivated. Walking to Dominos in the SU and carrying a six slice and Coke back to the library counts as both cardio and weight training. Perfect.

6. Not a coffee addict? I suggest you become one. Coffee will become your lifeline and you’ll soon be fluent in Starbucks, Costa and Café Nero. Another skill to add to the CV.

7. Sex. Sex will help you cope.

8. Give yourself a target. Placing a jellybean after every paragraph in a book can be a great way to boost motivation. You’ll soon find yourself ten books down and two stone up. 9. Don’t think you’ll ever get an Oscar? The

acknowledgements section at the beginning of your dissertation is the perfect moment to whack out your much practiced acceptance speech. Procrastination has never felt so good.

10. Finished? Why are you still reading? Josephine Ayer

The Courier


Monday 10 March 2014 | @Courier_Life

Six places to see before you die ...or at least before your student loan runs out

nam Sa Pa in Viet

Canterbury in New Zealand

Budapest in Hungary Illustrations by Elizabeth Archer

Budapest, Hungary

Budapest may not be one of the most obvious city-travel destinations in Europe, but let me assure you, it combines the rich history, architecture, music, art and scenery to rival more famous cities on the Danube such as Vienna. If Prague is the Paris of Eastern Europe, Budapest is the friendlier, less expensive alternative. Public transport is clean and inexpensive, but

“Budapest is as fascinating as it is beautiful” whenever I have been in Budapest I find it easier to walk everywhere – which incidentally makes me feel less guilty about how much of the delicious local food I manage to consume. My favourite restaurant is Apostlok, occupying a former chapel, an appropriate setting as the food is heavenly. Beyond food and drink (and I do mean drink – a popular local saying being: ‘water is for the feet’), there are many sightseeing opportunities. It is well worth the trek up Castle Hill to reach Buda Castle, whilst the neo-Gothic houses of parliament are well worth seeing when lit up at night. Budapest is as fascinating as it is beautiful and that is why it should be high on any interrailer’s bucket list. Lauren Hickin

Sa Pa, Vietnam If you take the long and creaky over night train to the Chinese border town of Lao Cai and then take a minibus along the perilous mountain track, you will come to the old, colonial mountain retreat of Sa Pa. Put on the map by the French around the turn of the 20th century, the town became notable as the site of a sanatorium for French soldiers serving in Indo-China and as a retreat from the unbearable tropical heat in the lowlands, which we noticed as soon as we got there. While the town itself is made up of impressive French buildings it is the natural that makes it awe inspiring. Dramatic mountain precipices, sheer valley drops, and terraced rice baddies abound for as far as the eye can see and the crystal clear lake in the

“Mother Nature screams: LOOK AT ME, I’M HOT” centre of the town are all examples of Mother Nature screaming “LOOK AT ME, I’M HOT”. The most interesting part of Sa Pa however is the people. Made up of many distinct ethnic tribal groups (Hmong, Dao, Giay) that live in simple villages alongside the paddies. If you ever end up here you HAVE to visit these villages and do a homestay. I just hope you can bare snake blood with your rice wine… Jamie Shepherd

Copenhagen, Denmark

If anything is to be said for Copenhagen, it is that it’s worth doing, and more than worthy of a place on every student’s bucket list. Located on the coast, its beaches and stunning botanical gardens are juxtaposed with the metropolitan rush of the city itself. Copenhagen encompasses everything any student could want on their travels – it is home to a wealth of museums, art galleries and stunning architecture. At the beating heart of the city lies Strøget, one of Europe’s longest (and budget-friendly) shopping streets, winding through the centre and past several of its main attractions. They also don’t call it the beer capital

“Copenhagen encompasses everything a student wants” of the world for nothing - Copenhagen is full of bars and bodegas, and some of the best music venues in Europe. Pop, punk, metal, electro and trance live side by side; the clubs and pubs all over the city are open until the early hours. The party never stops, and when it costs as little as it does, why should it? Forget all you’ve heard ever about Brussels, Berlin, Amsterdam and even Paris – if you could only see one European city, it should be this one. Iqra Choudhry

Lake Bled, Slovenia Situated in the North Western region of Slovenia, Lake Bled is perfect for geographers due to the Lake’s tectonic origin; the region has some of the most beautiful scenery in Slovenia.

“ of the best yet undiscovered destinations in the whole of Europe” Stay in Bled Backpackers Hostel, a five-minute walk from the Lake and situated in a chalet like building. You will be sat down by the manager, who will give you all the possible activities for your stay – gorge walking, white water rafting, bungee jumping, to name a few, as well as giving you the traditional and compulsory, blueberry shot. There are diving boards and swimming areas at the Lake, as well as a rail track toboggan run coming down the hillside. A traditional pletna boat with a single rower will take you to the island in the centre of the Lake, which has more swimming areas, a church and outstanding views. I haven’t tried Lake Bled in the winter, but you can ski there and ice skate on certain parts of the lake! It is one of the best yet undiscovered destinations in the whole of Europe, with activities lasting all year and the people being extremely hospitable, you can’t go wrong with a visit to Bled. Jenny Coles

Canterbury, New Zealand Aside from having Tolkien’s mythical creatures scampering over its mountains and with sheep outnumbering people 9:1, New Zealand may certainly seem to feel a little out of place to be on a student bucket list next to the traditional gapyar student destinations of Thailand or Vietnam. But think again. The Canterbury region of South Island is so unique that there is there is nowhere else in the world where you can go skiing at Mt. Hutt, bungee-jumping above Hammer Springs, swim with dolphins at Kaikoura and wind surfing in Pegasus Bay - all within a two hour radius of each other. With the prices of flights cheaper than you’d think and the New Zealand Dollar at 2:1 to the British Pound, the price of living and accommodation is more than affordable to the average graduate with a summer job. Out of all the regions Canterbury is easily the best as an outdoor activity playground where even the most cautious students will find their appetites for wanderlust satisfied - there’s no real excuse to not show the gapyar students a thing or two about real adventure. With a thriving European population snatching up British graduates, you may find yourself staying for longer than you thought. Rosie Bellini

Aruba, Jamaica “Aruba, Jamaica, ooh I wanna take ya” – Beach Boys’ “Kokomo” says it all. The Caribbean is known for two things: crystal clear waters, soft white sand. One particular tiny gem is Aruba. If you’re willing to splurge for some luxury, this is the place to go. Off the coast of Venezuela, this 33km long island is one in the Caribbean closest to the equator. With a temperature veering hardly from 25-30°C and incredibly kind locals, Aruba is an oasis for anyone looking to bask in the sun and get good and tanned. There’s a strip of resorts along Palm Beach in the town of Noord. I personally recommend the Hyatt Regency: just recently renovated and houses have their own spa. Parallel to the strip is the main boulevard, lined with numerous restaurants. There are street vendors selling trinkets and hand-made goods if you’re interested in the souvenir thing. If not, you can head to the Palm Beach Plaza for designer shops. Treat yourself for surviving finals and book a holiday in Aruba. As someone who has been there more than five times – I promise you will not regret it. Bridget Bunton

Hazel Parnell How to avoid being a library dickhead


xam and dissertation season is impending, it may have already impended upon you, and if you’re a frequenter of the Robbo you know that a lot of people (mainly rahs) have a warped sense of library etiquette. Here are 10 signs that you are breaking it and therefore are a library dickhead that everyone hates (you should probably starting working from home). 1. You leave your stuff on your desk without occupying it for a significant amount of time. I don’t care if it takes you 20 mins to walk down to pret/nudo to get yar lunch, stop being obnoxious. 2. You answer/make phone calls, IN A SILENT STUDY AREA. Sorry to be so angry but I really don’t get how anyone with any form of social awareness deems this as acceptable? The other day a girl answered her phone in a silent area, I glared at her so meanly that she packed up her stuff and left. This one is possibly the worst offender. 3. You have loud convos with your friends and don’t even try and whisper. No one cares what you and Felix got up to on your hunting weekend, and we probably wouldn’t understand. 4. Sleepers. These are people that occupy computers spaces and then choose to nap. If you want to nap go to a normal desk and don’t sleep on a computer. There’s plenty of other napping areas in the library (under the desks in silent study rooms, those snazzy new sofas on levels 3/4, on the toilet) 5. Crisp eaters. This is ok if it’s quavers or some other form of snack that doesn’t crunch if you leave it in your mouth for a while. Once someone took about 14 minutes to eat a packet of crisps, venom in the mouths of everyone every time a crunch was made.

“Film watchers. Just go home. Why take up the space and watch a film, eh?” 6. Film watchers. Just go home. Why take up space and watch a film eh? I do media and contrary to the stereotype we don’t actually watch many films, so literally no one has this excuse in the library. Just fuck off. 7. If you have an iPhone and put it on silent, it still vibrates. If you then put said iPhone on a wooden desk it makes a very loud vibrating noise. If you have headphones in you won’t hear this noise, but everyone else will. 8. Feet. Some people, in aid to get comfortable remove their shoes upon arrival to the library. In summer and if you have bad smelling feet (me) this is never a good thing. Bring some slipper socks in or clean socks. No one wants to be sick in their mouth at the smell of your feet. 9. Couples. There’s plenty of private study rooms to be coupley in…or how about go back to your houses? There’s definitely no need to lick each other’s faces or be “cute” In the presence of stressed students want to be sick on you. 10. People who moan about getting trapped in the library shelving units. Get over it, it was probably very funny to watch. Sorry for the rant, it’s third year.

Monday 10 March 2014

The Courier

Fashion Editors: Frances Stephenson and Amy O’Rourke Deputy Fashion Editor: Bex Finney

My week What I wore the night before Dugdale-Close shows us what she wore for a night out on the Toon and how in fashion Ede you can re-create the look with high-street bargains 45

er £ enc p S and rks Ma

Frances Stephenson


ondon fashion week has thrown out many new trends for AW14/15, one of the more controversial pieces has been the resurfacing of real animal fur. A fur coat is nothing new, in fact amongst the youthful sloanes of Jesmond, skinny jeans, trainers and a oversized fur is practically uniform. However, have you ever stopped to wonder if the fur you’re wearing is real or faux? All the big name fashion houses have brought mink pelts to their frontline collections for winter, Prada, Tom Ford and Louis Vuitton to name a few that were pushing real fur to LFW audiences. This will come as a shock to those who thought that real fur was a thing of the past, who needs the real deal when faux fur replicates the exact look without the ethical implications the real deal imposes on your conscience. For me, I believe that Vintage is the way to go if you must buy real fur. At least then you know the animal had already died and you are essentially recycling a hunk of weighty pelt. However, I think there is still something fundamentally strange about carrying around a dead body as an item of clothing.

“There really is nothing more glamorous that a fur coat, coupled with rouge lips and nails to channel the Gatsby vibe”

With that in mind, a faux fur coat, hat or scarf is definitely the way forward. I discovered an amazing selection at a store called Small Change Vintage down in Ouseburn, next to the Star and Shadow Cinema. They have lots of fake fur options that have the character and history of a real mink number but without the buyer’s remorse. When wearing fur day to day, just remember: faux fur has none of the softness of the real deal so don’t bank on lugging a large rucksack with this on, but at least you won’t have the weight of a guilty conscience weighing you down. There really is nothing more glamorous than a fur coat, coupled with rouge lips like Topshop’s ‘Brighton Rock’ and nails to channel the Gatsby vibe, so think about a false fur coat as an investment piece to glam up your wardrobe. Don’t feel like you have to stick to false mink fur, there’s faux shearling too if you’re that much of a worldie that you don’t like the thought of sheep being sheared.


ast night I had a very exciting event to attend. I was going to Revolution Newcastle for ‘Red Bull presents: A SHOWCASE OF SOUND’ which was an evening showcasing a new critically acclaimed film on music followed by numerous live dj sets from university competition winners to a crowd of music promoters, producers and students. A requirement from the event creators was a ‘smart casual’ dress code to make an evening full of free Red Bull cocktails and complimentary food a little more special, and a chance to get trainer wearing boys and girls in smarter attire for at least one night. Luckily I enjoy wearing a pair of Kurt Geiger boots as much as I like chucking on my battered Nikes for a night out and therefore I was prepared to take full advantage of this dress code and get some of the guys in shirts instead of their regular scruffy tee. As I knew it wouldn’t be a strictly formal, dress and heels kind of scene I decided on the ‘just going for drinks but it would be acceptable to go out clubbing after in this outfit’ look.

I recently bought this bomber jacket from Urban Outfitters despite the frowning disappointed from my rather empty bank account and have been desperate to wear it out ever since. It caught my eye as a stand out piece of clothing that’s not only practical for the continuous cold weather but it also manages to make any plain black outfit look a lot more eye catching and contemporary.

“The simplicity of the dress means that I can chuck it on as a casual outfit for a lecture or dress it up with a pair of heeled boots”

means that I can chuck it on as a casual outfit for a lecture or dress it up with a pair of heeled boots and a fur jacket for a night at Bijoux. To add a bit more detail to my outfit I pulled out my favourite pair of socks; the fabulous silver, glittery pair that although only get half an inch on show, add just enough sparkle to make my slightly battered Topshop heeled boots look a little more attractive. I for one am still stuck in this tartan phase as well being a little obsessed with Burberry’s AW/14 show and therefore try and wear my Burberry scarf as much as possible (of course mine is only a replica from a vintage shop but I like to think it still has the effect of a real piece.). However, once I arrived at the venue I swapped my scarf for a statement gold necklace for more decoration. The night lived up to expectations; it had an extremely cool vibe filled with people in equally edgy outfits. My jacket had a fun first night out and I’m certain it will be getting a lot more. My one word of advice would be to treat yourself to an item of clothing every once in a while because once you are out wearing it you almost forget that you perhaps shouldn’t have bought it. Jacket - Urban Outfitters Dress - American Apparel Scarf - Vintage shop Socks - Urban Outfitters Boots - Topshop

Along with the jacket I decided to go for the slightly simple option of this tight fitting black American Apparel turtle neck dress that I wear on the regular. The simplicity of the dress

You’ve got a trend in me

Kathy Davidson asks what the outspoken fashionistas of Newcastle have to say about her Burberry-inspired outfit

ed £69.99 Missguid

Jess A nice look, really like the top. I’m a fan of the oversized top look that’s around at the moment, it’s so similar to prada’s spring summer collection which I’ve really been digging. Her make-up is really pretty and doesn’t take anything away from the outfit.

Phil It’s what I imagine the female version of jacamo is - quite fashionable .The bag and the coat compliment each other.

Gemma It’s a very classy look and it’s a really relevant look at the moment with the smart jacket and top-knot. I especially like the necklace, it’s edgy and something I’d definitely choose for myself.

Sam I think she looks really sophisticated because of her classic coat and her hair tied up in a classy bun, but I’m not a massive fan of the shoes - she could have worn a more colourful pair to tie in with the top of the outfit and to brighten it all up a bit.

Nick I like the handbag and the trench style jacket, I think they match each other really well. I feel like the bottom half let’s down the outfit though - it’s a little too plain and could do with some more colour.

Bex I really like this look, especially the Burberry style trench coat and the handbag; you can’t go wrong with adding a designer accessory to your outfit. Although, I think a relaxed hairstyle would have given the look a more feminine twist.

The Courier


Monday 10 March 2014 | @Courier_Fashion

Paris v Milan: Fashion week face off As the Paris and Milan fashion weeks commence, Charlotte Maxwell asks: do Italians really do it better?


ouis Vuitton, founded over 160 years ago, is one of the world’s leading fashion houses. Their monogram LV is printed across most of their products and adds a chic edge to their designs. Their luggage and handbags, for me, are the pull. Travelling is usually a case of grabbing any old suitcase lying in your house- be it black or patterned. But with a Louis Vuitton case, you’re making a style statement- even if you’re just jumping on a train to Bradford. Never be tempted to buy a fake from the market place, it’s obvious and you will be judged. I beg of you, avoid taking these cases on coaches, they really don’t deserve that sort of battering; however, with dominant designs that grace the windows or unique boutiques and high-end stores, it would be no surprise that they could hold their own in any battle. With a new collection a foot, inspired by the sometimes rustic and unplanned routes of journeysthere is no doubt that we will be stunned by what Vuitton may pull out of the travel bag.


ouboutin is the one designer I just cannot get enough of. After spending most of my A level French oral exam talking about him, it seems only right that he is placed on a glorious pedestal here. You’ve all seen the signature red sole of Louboutins- it has become a classic and timeless statement. Giving any outfit, no matter how basic, a sense of sophistication and charm. They have become a wardrobe staple across the globe. Unfortunately, a student budget doesn’t stretch to their price. But, if you’re ever on the outskirts of Paris and come stumbling across a Louboutin outlet, don’t hold back. A classic nude or black court shoe is the perfect transition piece from day to night. And then of course, there’s the handbags to accompany you’re new best friends. Move over diamonds. If you’re looking for something a little more unique Louboutin has it all available. I’m even becoming tempted by the over-the-knee boots and I’m not usually a fan of the ‘Pretty Woman’ look.


olce & Gabbana: now this duo are so onform that they even got featured in a song from our younger days- remember ‘My Humps’ by the Black Eyed Peas? These guys have tried their hand at the majority of ventures since they met in 1982. Starting with women’s wear and then venturing into swimwear and lingerie. D&G have always shown great skill in using the body as an accentuating canvas for their designs. Colour and classic shapes have doused the catwalk year after year, giving D&G an established position in fashion history. Whilst charmed by all of their creations, there sunglasses present a certain ‘je ne sais quoi’ that other brands have not quite mastered. They have something to enhance all face shapes and a subtly strong style to support that venture. Seeing such simplicity and ownership within this response highlights that their intention was to place a stamp of style in the fashion world, no matter how big or small.


nd last, but certainly not least, Roberto Cavalli. If sand-blasted jeans and exotic prints tickle your fashion fancy, Cavalli is the way to go. Since creating his first collection in the 70s, his career and technique has developed immensely. Bold colouring and strong lines create a catwalk ambience that compels you to admire his designs. Cavalli has worked closely with our very own Victoria Beckham and this man knows how to dress a woman. However, like all designers, Cavalli has not bypassed criticisms. Having designed a swimwear range featuring Hindu goddesses in 2004, Cavalli received mass backlash from the Hindu community. This line was withdrawn and Cavalli made apologies for any offence caused. Since then, he has picked up momentum, working with son Daniele to create inspiring, fashion-forward men’s wear. He recently took Milan fashion week by storm; his models circled the stage in decadent evening wear and 1920s inspired flapper dresses, as flames lapped at their hemlines.

She thinks she’s made of candy

Spring has sprung and Aditya Sharanya tells us how to look good enough to eat in candy pieces and pretty pastels


Missguided co-ord


eginning of March, and ahoy spring is well upon us. Time to bring out the bright into your daily outfit. What better way to say spring than pastels? Bright yet subtle, girly yet classy. When it comes to styling pastels I believe there are three essentials that work beautifully in a pastel outfit. Including one pure white element in your pastel look brightens and brings out the depth of the faded colour elegantly. If you’re brave and feel particularly summery, white pants will scream elegance and oomph when added to your pastel outfit. They look sophisticated, lengthen your legs and work with many colours. Give white beads and jewellery a try for a quirky twist to your outfit. There’s nothing classier than a pure white scarf in a pastel outfit. It’s just high maintenance and probably more suited to you ladies out there that aren’t as klutzy as I am. A tan bag is a fashion staple in a girls’ wardrobe, and golden jewellery comple-

ments pastel colours beautifully. Golden dangling earrings with pastel coloured beads if you feel adventurous, or just a delicate golden charm on that handbag if you’d rather be subtly girly.

“The best thing about pastels is they always compliment each other; be it a monochrome suit or pastel trousers, a contrasting shade always works beautifully” A thin gold watch with delicate gold bracelets with a tan handbag takes the out-

fit from classy to chic. The best thing about pastels is they complement each other almost on all occasions. Be it a monochrome pastel suit or pastel trousers, painting your nails a contrasting shade works beautifully. Other ways you can fuse them is with contrast clutches or heels. I am in love with tie up pastel boots - they add a rocky edge to a pretty, girly outfit made up from pastel pieces. Personally I love pastel blue nail polish, it complements most day outfits strikingly while keeping it tasteful. Topshop do a beautiful range of pastel nail varnishes Mix and match, play around with these three essentials for a strikingly refreshing pastel outfit. My sandals are a brilliant example of a good match of white and pastel; they’re bright and tie the pastels in with the pink jeans. The good things about pastel outfits you can do

those summer hair looks you’ve been craving to all winter. If you have longer hair, a loose side braid looks great, if you however have medium length or short hair be bold and go all out with a glittery/ pearly glam pastel headband Matte shades are big this season in makeup so be sure to incorporate some peach, pink nude matte shades for your lipstick and eye shadow. These go beautifully with pastel outfits as well, whilst looking soft and feminine. Incorporate the three basic elements and finish with soft, pretty hair and makeup to be pastel perfect this spring. Co-ord; Missguided Watch; Follie Follie Shoes; SpyLoveBuy Clutch; Primark Nail Varnish; Topshop

Monday 10 March 2014

The Courier

Beauty Editors: Safiya Ahmed and Amy Macauley

Blokey Beauty: style steals

Connor McDonnell discovers the best products you can slyly steal from the girls that are surprisingly man-friendly

Go nude in spring Charlotte Dickson makes the transition from dark winter lips to nude shades


ude lips are a major trend at the moment, and as it is now March, switching your campy winter lip with a neutral shade can bring your look into spring. However, nude lips are not the easiest look to pull off, so here are a few tips on how to prep your lips before applying, how to apply and how to balance this look with the remainder of your face. I’ll also explain the products that I used to achieve my take on the look.



here is a certain belief that the majority of toiletries and grooming tools are strictly for female usage, but I bet there are a few red-faced guys out there whose lurking curiosity has overcome them in the confinement of their girlfriend’s bathroom. Here are some of the products that you lads use but are too ashamed to buy, among the arsenal of strewn arrangement of bottles and paraphernalia in Boots.

Fake tan

If you happen to be one of these moronic, simpleminded clones who idolise void personalities such as Joey Essex and the guys from Geordie Shore, you may find some charm in temporarily vandalising your body, smearing it with baby-shit* coloured fluid to go along with your finger-formed trumpets and ‘HMMME’s. However, I imagine that if you possess that level of arrogance you will stride over to the counter, with a bulging chest protruding underneath a t-shirt that is obviously too small for you and pay for the tan rather than steal it from your girlfriend. But you’re probably more interested in the promiscuity that these sleazy, god-like figures abide by, so a girlfriend is highly doubtful. *The official title currently pending on the Dulux colour chart.


Some might ridicule facemasks for being hyperfeminine and too much care for appearance, but then look at the anti-hero of American Psycho, Patrick Bateman. He has a tight facial treatment routine and he most definitely gets girls (albeit he is a psychopath but let’s not look at technicalities). I don’t particularly understand why guys condemn caring about their complexion, nor what is exactly feminine about it. It is like buying a car and never washing it just to retain some sort of established integrity. And to me that seems completely illogical.


Following on from facemasks, concealer is the quick-time solution to masking a rapacious blemish, a glowing whitehead or can even act as an enhancer of colour, obviously if you don’t fancy the fake tan theft. Concealer can also cover the black circles that form under your eyes if you have been a busy boy and had a late night with the girlfriend and you know exactly what I mean. Concealer is effectively a real life Photoshop, so don’t let your girlfriend have all the fun with cheating reality and indulge in the wonders of liquid magic.

Nude shades do not offer much coverage for dry lips, making chaps and cracks stand out more than they would with coloured lips, so preparation is a must. First, use a lip scrub to prime and refine your lips, Lush’s Bubblegum Lip Scrub is hailed by many beauty bloggers and will get rid of any dry skin and leave your lips tasting of candy floss (bonus). Next use a strong, clear lip balm to nourish your lips.


When choosing your shade of nude be careful and take your skin tone into consideration. Fair complexions should opt for peachy or pink undertones in the product to avoid the rest of the face looking washed out, whereas those with medium/dark skin can try peachy beiges, but should avoid really pale tones. To achieve my look, I opted for Rimmel’s Apocalips Lip Lacquer in 600 Nude Eclipse, as I feel that a hint of shine can brighten up this look. Other great nude lip products include Rimmel’s Kate Lipstick in 03, Topshop’s Lip Bullet in Crave and Revlon’s Super Lustrous Lipstick in Pink Incognito. Sheer and shiny shades are generally easier to pull off than matte lipstick, as the wrong shade can look as though you’ve accidently applied foundation or concealer to your lips by mistake.

“Switching your campy winter lip with a neutral shade can bring your look into spring”

Rest of the face

To make sure your nude lip doesn’t drain the colour from the rest of your face, remember to apply a warm pink blusher. To increase the longevity of cheek colour, try using a cream blush and sweep a similar shade of powder blush over the top. I opted for Topshop’s Cream Blush in Head over Heels, and then applied Clinique’s Soft Pressed Powder Blusher in Mocha Pink. For skin a dewy look is best, and eye-shadows should be kept quite neutral and warm as pink, gold and brown shades look best. For my eyes, I used Urban Decay’s Naked Basics Palette, using the Venus, Foxy, Walk of Shame, and Naked 2, before applying a thin line of Seventeen’s Make Your Mark eyeliner pen in Blackest Black and Benefit Bad Gal mascara.

From day to night

To add a bit of edge to this look and take it into the night, apply a bit more eyeliner and perhaps more brown shadow. The Naked 3 Palette has some lovely warm, glittery tones that would work well with nude lips, and a thicker line of black eyeliner can be applied along the lash-line and I’d recommend Rimmel’s Scandeleyes Eye Shadow Stick in 006 Blackmail for this. You could also add some bronzer to add contouring, No7’s Perfectly Bronzed Mosaic Bronzer includes shades of pink to balance out the brown, and ensures that you don’t get washed out.

Brow arch March W 1

For those who don’t know, it’s the female equivalent of Movember but without the embarrassment of being ushered away from school playgrounds. Grace Beddow explains what it’s all about ith Movember and Decembeard being month-long challenges for the guys, there is finally a charitable ‘challenge’ for the ladies in the form of ‘Brow Arch March’. This is an annual collaboration between Benefit and Debenhams, and consists of popping into a Benefit Brow Bar (the Eldon Square Debenhams is a participating counter) and getting your eyebrows waxed and shaped for a suggested donation of just £5. All the proceeds go to ‘Look Good, Feel Better’ (LGFB), which is a wonderful cancer support charity, providing free beauty treatments to women who are suffering from the visible effects of cancer treatment. The girls have definitely lucked out with this ‘challenge’; getting your eyebrows shaped by a Benefit brow pro for just £5 and donating to charity at the same time - what could be better? After you’ve had your brows waxed, shaped and perfectly groomed, you’ll want to maintain them, but with the fear of overplucking, underplucking, scouse brows or ‘where are your brows?’ It’s hard to know where to start.

Tweezing hairs from underneath the brow is a good place to begin, and a high quality pair of tweezers is vital for this. The Tweezerman offerings are great, and do last for years. When tweezing, less is certainly more, so avoid removing hairs from above the brow and bear in mind that the ‘arch’ should be roughly above the outer edge of your iris.

“Getting your eyebrows shaped by a Benefit brow pro for just £5 and donating to charity at the same time - what could be better?”

2 3

Using a pencil to fill in the slightly sparser areas works to create overall more full looking, yet natural brows. Benefit’s Instant Brow Pencil or Rimmel’s Professional Eyebrow Pencil are very effective when applied in short and soft strokes, mimicking that of thin hairs. An optional step for those with particularly unruly brows is to use a clear gel to ‘set’ the hairs into place. MAC’s Brow Set is a great option, or ELF’s Wet Gloss Lash & Brow Clear Mascara gives a very similar effect for a fraction of the price.

The Courier


Monday 10 March 2014

Lambs versus lipstick | @Courier_Beauty

Lucy Harper investigates the true price of that perfect colour of lipstick, and advises us to think twice before parting with our hard earned cash over something which has been made by causing pain and sacrificing lives


n order to write this article on animal testing for cosmetic products, I felt that I needed to research the topic hugely, using articles and blogs as a way to understand the pros and cons for using animals to experiment on for the makeup industry. With endless amounts of animal rights groups and campaigns my job was made easy with the argument against animal testing, with the idea that using animals for the cosmetic industry is simply ethically and morally wrong. This made me question as to why animal testing has been used and accepted for centuries as a way to ensure that products are safe to use for human consumption.

“Although animal testing is accepted as a necessary step in the forming of new drugs and medicines, the use of animals for cosmetics is clearly seen as unacceptable”

This question led me into looking at the use of animals for medical sciences. This practice has also been widely opposed, but whilst browsing the internet I came across one website claiming to have 40 reasons as to why animal testing is a necessary step in the progression of medical treatment. Some of the main arguments were quite convincing, pointing out that the majority of medical breakthroughs have happened by using animals to test on as their starting point, and the fact that animal testing isn’t unproductive as that animals like mice have very similar organ systems to human beings and therefore the research taken is quite accurate. This then brings up the question, how many animals should suffer for the benefit of human beings? The ideal answer to this question is obvious, that no animal should suffer for human experimentation however it seems that the advancement of medicine would be much slower if they were not used. Although animal testing is accepted as a necessary step in the forming of new drugs and medicines, the use of animals for cosmetics is clearly seen as unacceptable. One website that I encountered revealed some of the awful experiment processes that animals have to suffer, such as skin and eye irritation tests (animals get chemicals rubbed onto their skin or eyes and are not given any pain relief) and so called ‘lethal dose’ tests, which see animals forced to swallow lethal amounts of chemicals in order to see what chemicals have the worst reaction. One of the most shocking realities of animal testing for cosmetic products is the fact that the animals are killed after their suffering, again, without pain relief. It could be argued that this is to ensure further suffering for the animal, however it is clear that they shouldn’t have been suffering in the

“No animal should suffer for human experimentation however it seems that the advancement of medicine would be much slower if they were not used’’

first place. There are strong arguments against the use of animals in cosmetic testing. Thousands of ingredients and products have already been in use for decades in the make-up industry, and do not require further testing. It therefore seems unnecessary suffering is caused by cosmetics companies to invent new and innovative products. Numerous charities and organisations such as Cruelty Free International and Leaping Bunny have been set up in order to ensure that animals are protected from the cruelties of experimentation. The Body Shop, since it began in 1996, has been at the forefront of campaigns against animal cruelty and show how great and affordable products can be made entirely without the use of animals. It therefore seems unnecessary for these practices to continue in the 21st century. In 2009 the EU banned animal testing for cosmetic processes within Europe, which is a great step in the way to ensure that animal cruelty is reduced. The British government, from 1998, haven’t been able to give a licence to cosmetic companies within the UK if they are practicing with animal testing for their products. However, products from outside of the EU, do not abide by the same rules, and products can still be imported into European countries and consumed by the masses. It is a worrying thought as many of us may be buying products which have used animals to test with without our knowledge. After reading into the ‘for and against’ arguments for animal testing I can say that I am against the use of animals for the advancement of cosmetics (as I am sure that most people are), and I will be ensuring in the future that I am buying humane products over the counter.

Spring fling: New season nail art

Days are getting longer but the Toon weather can still be treacherous. Daisy Jane Ridley keeps our spirits up with the key nail trends this season, and advice on how to ‘nail’ the look

Snow white

White nails had a big moment in the Summer of 2013 and they are set to make a comeback… but with a twist. Paint the tops of your nail with a bright bold colour such as orange, purple or yellow and compliment the bright tone with a fresh white nail. This look works well with the sports luxe trend – pair your fresh white trainers with bold laces that match your nails.

Textured tips

This look was seen throughout New York Fashion Week by designers such as Nicholas K. Even in the Summer you can play it safe with the classic black nail, creating texture on the nail is really easy; use a matte nail varnish as the base and a sleek glossy top-coat for the tips. This gives a sophisticated subtle detail to an extravagant outfit.

Monochrome magic

The monochrome trend seems to be lasting forever - after all, black and white do look perfect together. You can even transfer the trend onto your nails with a hint of tartan too. Paint the base with a couple of coats of white and using Models Own Artstix Nail Art Pen, it couldn’t be easier to create the lines. Switch things up a bit by doing every other nail instead of your whole hand.

Shimmering skin Grace Beddow sorts out your skin worries and picks the perfect foundation whether you’re feeling flush or feeling the pinch


hoosing the right foundation for your skin type is no easy feat, but when the dreaded student bank balance has to be consulted, the pursuit of the perfect foundation gets even trickier. Beauty halls filled with hundreds of similar looking bottles can be daunting, but with these picks in mind, you’ll be able to find a foundation to suit both your budget and skin type.

Dry skin Luxury: NARS Sheer Glow Being one of the most talked about and reviewed in the world of foundation, it is to be expected that this product would find its way into my top picks. Its creamy consistency places it firmly in the ‘dry’ skin category, as the moisturising and nourishing properties mean that it does not cling to or emphasise dry skin areas. This choice is definitely one of those student loan day treats, but its longevity and (rather deceivingly named) medium coverage mean it is worth the investment. Low Cost: No7 Instant Radiance When every last dreg has been scraped from the bottle of your current foundation, and there is no choice left but to buy a new one with the limited end of term funds, this No7 pick is a good choice. Despite being nearly a third of the price of the ‘luxury’ pick, this foundation is nourishing, long lasting and, as the name suggests it gives a slightly dewy finish, which is good news for those of you who want to cheat a radiant and glowing complexion.

Normal skin Luxury: Chanel Vitalumiere Aqua Chanel is renowned for hefty price tags, however this foundation is worth every penny for those who are lucky enough to be in between the more extremes ‘dry’ and ‘oily’. The formulation of this product means it is suitable for many, as its water based property means no greasiness for oilier skins, but it also gives a slightly dewy finish, which means that slightly drier skins are catered for as well. Low Cost: Bourjois Healthy Mix Serum This is a foundation that possesses many of the properties of the Chanel favourite, but can be purchased without the danger of not having the funds to eat for a week. Like Vitalumiere Aqua, this foundation gives a natural slightly dewy finish, but with enough coverage to camouflage those dark circles and red areas.

Oily skin Luxury: Estee Lauder Double Wear This foundation is the ultimate choice for oily skin types, but at nearly £30, it is definitely one for the beginning of term when we’re feeling frivolous with our cash. This unsuspecting little bottle has won countless beauty awards and for good reason, as it gives a flawless and non-cakey finish when blended with a buffing brush, and lasts for hours without moving. Low Cost: Revlon Colourstay in Combination/ Oily formulation At less than half the price, but with much the same finish and formulation as Double Wear, this pick is one for the end of term when the overdraft is edging perilously closer. This foundation gives medium to full coverage and dries to a semi-matte finish, which is nice for the spring time when a completely matte complexion can look a little flat.

The Courier

Monday 10 March 2014

10-17Februarylistings.21 | @Courier_Listings

Listings LEGO: Brick City


We Are Scientists

The Stranglers

Everyobody has always loved LEGO, but appreciation of the little plastic bricks has reached an all time high with the unmitigated success of The LEGO Movie. In celebration, Life is hosting an exhibition of some of the most impressive LEGO sculptures ever made. Professional LEGO artist Warren Elsmore has meticulously recreated a series of real-life architectural marvels using nothing but an absurd amount of bricks and spare time. Featured are the Trevi Fountain, the Arc De Triomphe, Buckingham Palace and the London Olympics. The centrepiece is a model of St Pancras Station measuring 5ft tall, containing 180,000 bricks and 500 hours of manpower. Go and reward Warren’s effort by picking up a ticket and having a look at his incredible sculptures, and even try your hand at building some of your own. Tickets £7.25

Old people are really boring, yeah? Well, that’s what an idiot would say, anyway. HenPower is a new initiative to ‘henergise’ (their pun not mine) groups of ‘hensioners’ (ditto) by getting them involved in the exciting, laugh-a-minute world of hen rearing. They say dogs are man’s best friend, but apparently when that man reaches 70 he starts getting much more pally with chickens. The initiative, in partnership with Gateshead Council, has partnered dozens of chickens with loving OAPs, and now there’s a photography exhibition to document its success. Basically, it’s a massive room full of massive photographs of adorable old people cuddling, stroking, petting, and generally cavorting with adorable hens. It will cost you no pounds. Easiest decision you’ve ever made. Free

You probably remember these guys from their mid-’00s string of mid-chart hits, none of which I can remember. I’ll list them here to see if any jog your memory: ‘Nobody Move, Nobody Get Hurt’, ‘The Great Escape’, ‘It’s A Hit’, ‘After Hours’. If those ring any bells then I suppose this is something you’d be interested. They’re also doing an intimate set and Q&A over at the Loft for our very own NSR, so if you’re a fan you should do whatever you have to to get a seat. May God be with you. Tickets £17

Serial O2 Academy-botherers The Stranglers return yet again to the toon to delight you with their well-known, albeit getting less well-known by the day, pantheon of ‘70s and ‘80s hits. They did ‘No More Heroes’, remember? They also did ‘Peaches’, and ‘Golden Brown’, and a bunch of other songs they recorded before they boarded the tourbus equivalent of the Flying Dutchman, damned to travel from venue to venue for all eternity. Tickets £26

To 21st April Centre for Life

The Arctic Circle

To 27th April National Glass Centre

Those who’ve never braved the journey to Sunderland are likely ignorant of one of the North East’s most important institutions, the National Glass Centre. It is, as its name would imply, the national centre for glass. Glass! That’s like, at least in the top five most useful materials, and Sunderland is the national centre of it. That’s impressive. Anyway, there’s an exhibition of photographs by Chris Blade inspired by the Arctic, and they look pretty blooming impressive. Ice is nature’s glass, after all. Free

To 30th April Gateshead Civic Centre

Blazin’ Fiddles

10th March The Sage

It wouldn’t be hyperbole to say that Blazin’ Fiddles are probably the best fiddle band in the country. Well, maybe it would, but then I know next to nothing about fiddles. They’ve won a slew of folk music awards and earned a reputation for showcasing the diverse fiddling styles of the Highlands and Islands of Scotland, which sounds like high praise indeed. At the very least they’re the second best band with ‘Blazin’ in their name. Tickets £15

11th March O2 Academy

2nd March O2 Academy

Simon Bill: Lucky Jim

Small Change Opening Event

Do you like ovals? Simon Bill bloody loves them, so much so that he’s been painting them pretty much ceaselessly since 1999, and now he wants to show you them. Apparently, he’s inspired by ‘a very wide variety of sources, from philosophy to heavy metal, art history to cookery, Art Deco to neuroscience’, but basically they all look like ovals with paint on them. Quite god though, but For hardcore oval fanatics only, I’d say. Tickets Free

Small Change Vintage hasn’t been open long, but it’s quickly becoming one of Ouseburn Valley’s best attractions, and now it’s putting on a massive do to celebrate the opening of its café cousin, Coffee & Cigarettes. There’ll be free food, crazy gold, bands, DJs and arcade games, as well as supercheap books, comics and clothes shops. It’s shaping up to be, and I don’t say this lightly, the party of the century. Free

14th March – 1st June BALTIC

14th March Small Change Vintage


Monday 10 March 2014

The Courier

Arts Editors: Millie Walton and Charlie Dearnley Deputy Arts Editor: Laura Wotton

Mario Art

This week, Lauren Stafford discusses the importance of art in video games, and it relevance in the evolution of their visual appeal.


hitley Bay – or Shitley Bay to its dissenters – looks surprisingly pleasant this weekend. It might be the company, or it might be the rum. I’ve forgotten how much I enjoy visiting the coast and as we’re sauntering (staggering) back from the beach, I notice a forgotten, fluorescent vestige of my teenage years: the arcade. The arcade has a nostalgic appeal – chipped paint, repetitive shrill jingles and some unsavoury characters are all part its gaudy, crumbling charm. The games in them also reflect this aesthetic – loud and not exactly nuanced. So can video games, synonymous with lowbrow culture, ever be considered high art?

“I’m not daft enough to try and define “art”... not in 400 words and not on four hours sleep.” The Art of Video Games ran at the Smithsonian in March 2012 and was one of the first exhibitions of its kind to consider the evolution of gaming. MoMA too, in the same year, announced that they’d acquired fourteen video games, from PACMAN to Minecraft, as part of a growing collection of outstanding examples in interactive design. I’m not daft enough to try and define “art” or even the difference between “art” and “design” – not in 400 words and not on four hours sleep. Still, at the very least I can say that video games are a means by which different mediums are brought

together – animation, script, narrative, 3D modelling – there are many artistic and scientific skillsets channelled into one creative output. Nowadays, video games are complex. They exist across multi-platforms and technology has been developed significantly since the glorious days of Crash Bandicoot and his contemporaries. Dance mats are almost obsolete and anything seems possible. Plus, gaming can be powerfully mesmeric; this is usually allied with pejorative images of what I’d like to call the seemingly mindless “pizza box slob” with controller in hand and glazed expression– see the likes of Ed in Shaun Of The Dead who’s transformation into a zombie seems to have little affected his prowess on the PlayStation. But being transfixed isn’t necessarily always negative – one (wo)man’s bleary-eyed Tekken marathon is another (wo)man’s expedition toward a

sublime state of mind (maybe). Roger Ebert famously said that games could never be art because art can’t be “won”. Jonathan Jones, another skeptic, agrees and asserts taking video games seriously in regards to art is “undignified”. Of course, it’s a critic’s prerogative to grumble; my point is that sometimes it’s just too easy to be dismissive. POW. K.O. Game over.


Eye on the Munnery Viki Monk chats to comedian Simon Munnery about his award-winning tour, handling unresponsive audiences and walking around with a bucket on his head


e’s renowned for his performance as “Mr Buckethead”, he’s alternative and intuitive and always equipped with a makeshift prop or two - Simon Munnery is not your conventional comedian. We talk Geordies, Harmonicas and the logistics of performing with a bucket on ones head before his FYLM Stand Up tour reaches Newcastle on 8th April. You’ve done some quite alternative stuff in the past; can you explain about “Mr. Buckethead”? A friend of mine Andrew Bailey told me the best way to learn to play the harmonica was with a bucket on your head because the sound reflected back to you. He and I used to walk around work with buckets on our heads playing the harmonica. Then I became interested in the idea of a world in which by seeing something, you are responsible for it. Can we expect something similar from your FYLM tour? The FYLM Tour is slightly different. Basically I make a live film, I sit halfway back in the audience and talk into a camera and project my face with any graphics and cardboard animations. My theory is that the camera amplifies the face in the same way that the microphone amplifies the voice and

that it’s an instrument that should be used by live performers. Does this make for a less personal performance? Maybe or a crowd of about 30 people but any bigger than that I don’t think so, as it means that everyone in the room can see my face. Everyone is used to looking at a cinema screen but this is a live performance. And you make all your own props? Yes; often one dimensional cardboard cut-outs. Can we expect anything new? All the things I’ve done in the past are flat but I’ve realised that by tilting upwards you can have the animations moving towards the camera. I’ve created a new bit using that which I’m going to try out in Cardiff. Do you tweak your performances then from city to city? My view is that performances differ more from night to night than they do from city to city but I do obviously tweak it along the way- if something happens on the way from the station to the venue i’ll pop it in!

Have you ever performed in front of the Geordies before? Yes, I’ve been coming for quite a few years and the stand is a lovely venue. Do you ever get put off by a rowdy crowd? The heckling is all part of the live performance. The most important thing is the laughter. And how do you react to a tough crowd? I just do my shit! I rarely don’t put something in for fear they won’t like it. I always think that if they’re not laughing they’re saving it up for later! Do you have a go-to joke? I think when you’re in that mental state then even your go-to jokes turn out not to work, you’ve just got to take a deep breath and carry on and...hope!

“The heckling is all part of the live performance. The most important thing is the laughter.”

Simon Munnery performs his FYLM Tour at The Stand, High Bridge Street, on April 8th.

Desert island books

We asked 3rd Year English Lit Student Kate Bennett which four books she would choose to keep her company on a deserted island. Here’s what she came up with Ulysses James Joyce

Rebecca Daphne Du Maurier

To Kill A Mockingbird Harper Lee

lysses has a terrifying reputation, but putting the hours in reveals a dense and intricate beauty in this ‘day in the life’ of Dubliner Leopold Bloom. Joyce’s detailed stream-of-consciousness descriptions of Dublin and its colourful inhabitants over the course of a single day is different every time you read it – i.e. perfect if you’re stranded with limited entertainment.

aphne Du Maurier’s thriller follows a naive young girl through the early days of her marriage to an older man, struggling to manage her new household while continually in the shadow of her husband’s dead ex-wife. It’s fantastically tense and really accurately captures what it is to be young and completely out of your depth - and then, of course, there’s the plot twist...

love a good Southern gothic novel, and while To Kill A Mockingbird may not be as complex or epic as a Steinbeck or Faulkner, its humanity and warmth more than make up for it. You rarely encounter a first-person narrator as engaging as Mockingbird’s six-year-old protagonist, the wise-beyond-heryears Scout. Lee powerfully shows the costs of racism in this unflinching but ultimately uplifting depiction of a race-torn, economically deprived Deep South.




Any PG Wodehouse short story collection


ecause everyone needs a little light relief. I might have less than zero in common with the early-20th century upper-class twits of Wodehouse’s fiction, but his absurd situations and observant, flippant tone never fail to crack me up. His protagonists may be dimwitted but they’re always likeable enough for you to be pleased when they come out on top.

Then one day you look in the rearview mirror of your existence and realize that you can see clear down the hill-less and curveless and bridgeless road of your life, straight to the maternity ward where you were born. And then you go to college. Where your bland past meekly follows, sluggishly scraping its feet on the floor. I Was Told There’d Be Cake by Sloane Crosley

The Courier


Monday 10 March 2014 | @courier_arts

Pic of the Week #nclarts


ach week we choose the best arty Instagram pic to feature in the paper. Whether its taken on campus, on a night out or in your own house, we want your snaps. Simply hashtag #nclarts and we’ll pick a weekly winner. Besides featuring in an award winning paper, the winning pic is worth a delicious bag of sweets too. Get instagramming, folks. This week’s winning pic is ‘Butterfly Cabinet’ by Instagram user...


Creativity & Coffee

This week Izzy Ashton enjoys the buzzing atmosphere of Theatre Royal’s neighbour cafe, 9Bar

Poetry corner

Promoting the creativity and talent of Newcastle students This week, Holly Suttle presents two excellent sonnets: ‘After You Forgot’ and ‘Clean-Up Please!’

‘Clean-Up Please!’

‘After You Forgot’ Alice said she thought you had forgotten. Fathers don’t tend to forget their own child. To leave, retreat, abandon is rotten — Even forgetting is stronger than mild. Repenting for forgiveness seems unjust; You still stay so distant from our homeland, Only even your love how can we trust Under suspicion: your departure was planned. For another lady more loved than us, Over you chose and that choice still remains. Mutilated admiration, now dust, Gets in our eyes and sharply stings our veins. Out of our childhood, to adult, a cleft: That space in time, when you got up and left.


ocated in prime position next to the Theatre Royal on Grey Street, 9Bar provides a spacious seating area outside and a buzzing atmosphere inside. The interior is covered in bespoke vintage posters giving the café a cool old school, industrial vibe. The delicious coffee, served by friendly staff, is sourced from Bolivia and is all Square Mile (the owners of which are award winning coffee baristas). There is also a selection of teas, cold drinks, beer and wine on offer, as well as boasting ‘The World’s Best Cheese Toastie’. The menu offers a range of very reasonably priced food from savoury to sweet, with everything prepared fresh on site. Free Wi-Fi is another bonus, although the energetic music makes this more of a hangout spot rather than a workspace. The café’s hipster edge makes it a fun place to grab some refreshment before a matinee at the theatre, or just a catch-up with a friend.

Drinks Art Vibe

Animated and arty


“Wash up your FUCKING plates!” I start to scream, Why is it my flat-mates are never clean? This pile of rising filth make me so mad, My conscience has to plead, ‘It’s not that bad!’ But as the week unfolds, it just gets worse — As does my language when I start to curse “Bowls - FUCK! Pans… FUCK!” It’s like I have Tourette’s, I’m the only one who never forgets That festering plates of turd on the floor Will cost us twenty-five squid, maybe more; That’s a hefty fine of five trebles and A week’s worth of nights out, already planned! Perhaps if they read this they’ll stop and think, “Shit… I need to clean!” then run to the sink.

‘Poetry Corner’ is a new running feature in our Arts Section this semester encouraging the hidden poets amongst you to show off your talents to the student body. If you too would like to contribute to this section, don’t hesitate in emailing with your submissions. Whatever the content, length or style, we look forward to reading them.




Play it Again, Sam

pera North’s Macbeth will be performed at the Theatre Royal. Here the famous Shakespeare play is sung Italian with English titles. Verdi’s version is filled with enthralling music following the outline of the traditional story. Set in a totalitarian state in the 20th century, Macbeth returns home from war successfully. On his way his closest friend Banquo and him encounter three witches who make a marvellous prophecy. Incited by his wife and both their greed, Macbeth follows a dark path filled with bloodshed and tragedy. Friends become enemies and in traditional Shakespeare manner many lose their lives, plenty plots are made and betrayal is around every corner. The opera is dark and violent, topped off with sex as madness and ambition start merging. It has been critically acclaimed and appears to promise a gripping evening with captivating music. This opera is perfect for those who enjoy Shakespeare, as well as classical music and Verdi. This touring production will only be in Newcastle for two nights, so grab a ticket before they are sold out.

UTS’ Lizzy Carr returns with what promises to be another smashing hit in her already impressive portfolio of directing jobs. After making us laugh nearly to tears with No Sex Please We’re British last semester, Carr teams up with Jo Whitty to bring Woody Allen’s Play it Again, Sam to the NUTS stage. Set in San Francisco, this terribly witty play is probably one of Woody Allen’s all-time classics. The main character, Allan, is a 29-year-old neurotic writer for a film magazine, who is as addicted to antidepressants as he is to Humphrey Bogart. Bogart himself is a recurring imaginary friend of Allan’s, whose main job is to give him good-willed advice on how to handle women. Encouraged by his best friend Dick and his wife Linda, Allan often tries and, subsequently, fails to talk different women up. The plot thickens as he makes a move on his best friend’s wife and has a romance with her in a very Casablanca-nian fashion. Featuring Jack Drabwell as Allan, Theo Harris as Bogart, Charlotte Wood as Linda, and Adam Creissen as Dick, Play it Again, Sam promises to deliver many laughter and, possibly, some tears here and there. It will definitely be one of the must-see NUTS productions for this term. Antonia Velikova


Theatre Royal 11 March

Tanya Nies


Theatre Royal Studio 20 - 22 March


Annie Get Your Gun Northern Stage 2 27 February - 1 March

Northern Stage 2 24 - 26 February


irected by Lexy Phillips and Dan Galvin, the NUTS production of Laura Wade’s Alice has much to recommend it. The ambition of the piece is tempered by the simple but striking production style, the costumes and makeup are impressive and the performers are engaging. However, the main problem with this production is the script. The cast, from Esther Fearn as the conflicted heroine to Kathryn Norton’s particularly adorable dormouse, are compelled to rely on their physical comedy skills and engaging personalities, as the scripted material is not very helpful. That aside, the supporting performances were particularly strong. Some of my personal highlights included Jack Hewitt’s fastidious caterpillar, Megan Hindle’s unhinged Duchess and Chris Owen as a disturbingly creepy Cheshire Cat. Also worthy of note were players such as Freddie Hutchinson and Adam Stubbs, memorable in roles with very limited dialogue. Overall, the charm of the performances and great visual style of the production largely overcame the weaknesses of the script, making for a very enjoyable evening. Lauren Hickin


t comes as no surprise that Charlie Burt’s directorial debut is as polished and energetic as her choreography. This production of Annie Get Your Gun has substance to support its style. The pacing never lags, and the lyrical moments are given as much importance as the show-stopping production numbers (‘No Business Like Show Business’ is, of course, a highlight). Annie Get Your Gun tells the story of Annie Oakley, a backwater sharp-shooter whose skills with a gun threaten her blossoming relationship with former champion Frank Butler. Any attempt at this musical is only ever as good as its leading lady, and in the capable hands of Rachel Slattery, Annie is as endearing as she is hilarious. The casting of the other roles is consistently strong, with Will Hunter convincingly arrogant (and in good voice) as Frank and Colette Hunter shimmying like a pro as the fantastically awful Dolly. Resisting the temptation of going through the entire cast list for praise, another standout for me was Ellie Dodsworth’s beautifully understated interpretation of ‘Moonshine Lullaby’. This production continues to bolster NUTS’ reputation for producing great musicals. Lauren Hickin


Monday 10 March 2014

The Courier

Film Editors: Muneeb Hafiz and Jacob Crompton-Schreiber

Editor’s Word

Which Neeson are you? Are you an adrenaline junkie?

Oscars Highlights


he 86th annual Academy Awards are over. 12 Years a Slave rightly won the biggest prize of the night, Gravity came away the overall winner with 7 Oscars, and a random pizza delivery guy got the best drop-off of his career. Ellen DeGeneres’s observational, blasé, chill approach to her hosting duties worked for the most part, and was a marked improvement on last year’s MacFarlane fiasco, which left pretty much the whole world offended. As is always the case with major award ceremonies in their schmaltzy, uptight, pseudo-religious set-up, a break of convention is wholeheartedly welcomed, and this years Oscars definitely deliv-


Well, it looks like you’re not Liam Neeson then.

Nah, night-in with takeaway every time I need my fix

Do you see yourself as a mentor?

Ain’t nobody got time for that I’m dropping jewels every single day

Brian Mills of Taken ‘9 Mil-Neeson’

Big chat or Big bat? The ‘sel�ie’ 101

ered in that department. Here are a few. The infamous picture that broke Twitter and was a beautiful moment, and Kobayashi Maru-ed the thick, bourgeois air of the night. As a viewer you kind of wish you were there, in amongst the talented stars (and Lupita Nyong’o’s brother), It’s almost unfortunate that Liza Manelli didn’t quite make it into the shot and the image of her clinging to the back of the group desperately trying to get in the selfie was heartbreaking.

2 Mighty McQueen The typically reserved, almost stoic Steve McQueen finally let go with an almighty jump for joy that you can’t help but smile from ear to ear at. Aside from the bad vibes between screenwriter John Ridley and himself (see sarcastic open palm clap) it was a touching moment to see McQueen so elated, yet uncharacteristically nervous in his glory. The good vibrations among all the collaborators of the 12 Years masterpiece, both on and off the screen, were felt during the speech and jump and it was just a moment of genuine affection and

1 Adele Dazim: A mangling appreciation. The maniacal Travolta, a product of the shoddy workmanship of his overpaid barber, started off quite well. But from the words ‘wickedly talented’, delivered as if trying to imitate a DJ, yet layered with the thinnest blanket of comprehension of Idina Menzel, or Frozen, or life itself, the moment nosedived. Travolta completely mangles Idina Menzel’s name so much worse than any Starbucks employee, more like an ‘89 Reliant Robin being digested by a car-crusher, and churns out, through squinted eyes, and a strangely ironic respectful bow of the head, ‘Adele Dazim’. What the f*ck.

You have a very particular set of skills; skills that you’ve acquired over a very long career. Skills that make you a nightmare for people who wrong you. You get things done.

Are you fluent in many tongues?

Get on my bad side, I dare you. I double dare you I’m more of a lover than a lunatic. Big fan of the talking cure Negative

I strive for peace and do what I can, but I’m no Vader

Si! Oui! Ja! Yeah!

Godfrey of Kingdom of Heaven

Qui-Gon Jinn of Star Wars



Wise beyond your years, as a matter of fact, most people are unsure of your age when they meet you. Calm, collected, and clear in your path to knowledge and justice. A brilliant educator and a good egg all-round.

Do you have a master plan at work?

You’ve seen some shit in your time and are phased by very little. A great leader of the masses, loyal, and you have a lorra integrity. You try to right your wrongs where you can, but are often looking ahead than at the past.

Aslan of Narnia ‘Mufasa-Neeson’

You’re incorruptible. You’re always willing to compromise and are a seasoned diplomat, but when it comes to right and wrong, there is no grey area, you’re as good as they come. You’ve got mad scraps but don’t like to fight unnecessarily.

Of course, always. But if I told you I’d have to end you. Ha ha

Ra’s-al-Ghul of Batman Begins ‘Bat-Neeson’

A master of deception with a penchant for punishment. You’re resilient and a slippery ol’ kipper, with grand plans ahead, and are ruthless in your means to achieve them. A great leader of people, yet your underlings are expendable. It’s your way or the highway.

The Courier


Monday 10 March 2014 | @Courier_Film

“I’m too old for this shit” Lethal Weapon (1987)

The Book Thief (12A)



Buddy Cops



et in Nazi Germany, an orphan of innocent mind Liesel has her incandescent utopia torn apart by death and the catastrophes of World War II. Shipped off far from home to live in a new foster family, Liesel’s world is about to change as she is greeted by her new ‘thunder-cloaked’ mother (Emily Watson) and ‘accordion-hearted’ father (Geoffrey Rush). Liesel learns how to trust and imagine in a neighbourhood where happiness has burnt to the ground, along with all its inspirational literature. The Book Thief circles around the notions of taking risks, the importance of family and finding hope when all seems lost. Director Brian Percival takes on Zusak’s muchdesired, wondrous literary masterpiece with the film pivoting around Liesel’s (Sophie Nélisse) desire to be educated in reading and writing. In her village, reading is strictly forbidden. She meets Max (Ben Schnetzer), a Jew who remains within her home, cloaked from preying eyes. Throughout the film, Percival focuses upon the relationships Liesel makes and the struggles she must confront when trauma awaits. The film’s concept in itself is wonderfully constructed. A careful selection of actors each add emotional skill, and move every audience member.

Geoffrey Rush gives a mischievous, heart-warming performance, alongside newcomer Sophie Nélisse who has charm, innocence and a gift that is rare to find in modern cinema. The director’s expertise is made abundantly clear throughout, a playful snowball fight all within the brick walls of a dilapidated, yet charming basement is particularly memorable. The classical soundtrack exquisitely compliments the emotions of each scene, adding tingles to moments of unknowing, to hope when Liesel finds enchantment in her world of books. Percival’s use of silence and music are applied skilfully, knowing when words won’t fit the bill. Reminiscent of Zusak’s literary creation, there are interjections of Death’s voice throughout; having a

perfect combination of poignancy and seriousness. The camera techniques are superb, with even segments of the film using Liesel’s eyes to determine her anxiety, to Liesel’s intimate proximity to the camera, that it’ll give you chills for moments on end. The Book Thief oozes charm and beauty; coloured in a child’s innocence that can even melt the most resilient of hearts. Just make sure that when you watch it, don’t make the fatal mistake of forgetting the tissues! The ending itself made it worth five stars; and I’m one tough cookie to please!

Non-Stop (12A)

Ride Along (12A)

Bastards (18)

Schmidt & Jenko 21 Jump Street did not meet the expectations of its original fans, it’s safe to say. However, the one saving grace of this film was the chemistry between Channing Tatum and Jonah Hill. An endlessly entertaining and brilliant duo.

More like this: Lore (2012) Alex Gibbs

Riggs & Murtagh


Robert Murtagh’s infamous “I’m too old for this shit” quote has stuck with many, as did the brilliantly subtle humour of the Lethal Weapon series. These two are the original buddy cops and the only cops coming from primarily action backgrounds.

3 Agent J & Agent K


iam Neeson’s no-holds-barred performance in Taken aided the film in becoming a contemporary action-classic and subsequently prompted numerous Hollywood big-wigs to furiously dial Liam’s number when in need of a full-blooded action hero. Liam’s washed-up character finds himself slapbang in the middle of a wonderfully scripted and superbly-shot cat-and-mouse thriller that rarely forgets to provide thrills and action. The often nail-biting plot is occasionally tarnished with implausibility but when you consider the film is based within the confines of an over-sized tin can then Non-Stop comes up trumps. Neeson’s co-stars feed off of his utterly convincing performance to great effect, with Julianne Moore in particular demonstrating her considerable Hollywood-acumen as a genuine and obliging sidekick. Michelle Dockery (Downton Abbey) also excels by bringing a healthy measure of British decorum to proceedings in a chaotic whodunit atmosphere. Non-Stop is rich in cinematic dexterity. It’s funny, rousing, and eventually takes a nose dive into a brief but worthy exploration of morality which revolves around the frequently posed question of just who are the good guys in society. The ending provides an acceptable release of all the tension, emotion and thrills that have built up during a memorable journey into mile-high film-making. Non-Stop does what it says on the tin by delivering a relentlessly-revealing plot that blossoms in the company of a first-rate cast. Neeson et al. effortlessly steer the film into laudable airspace somewhere in between the ludicrous violence of Snakes on a Plane and ruthless suspense of Wes Craven’s Red Eye. Fasten your seatbelts folks ‘cause Liam’s back in gun-toting town. More like this: Flight Plan (2005) David Naylor



he movie opens with an energetic action sequence suggestive of a fast-pace and energetic movie. However, ten minutes in and no such luck, we soon settle into something distinctly average and wholly unfunny. The film centres on an overly enthusiastic and highly annoying security guard named Ben. His cop brother in law James takes him on a demanding and intense patrol for the day, to prove he is worthy of marrying his sister Angela. The unfunny sidekick fails to impress both James and us, with pitiful acting and clumsy, orchestrated violence. This 24 hour patrol is a painful combination of unrealistic car chases and cheap gags. Ben Barber (Kevin Hart) is like an annoying brother, both unamusing and aggravating and devoid of wit or originality. James Payton’s (Ice Cube) line “shut up before I tase you in the mouth” reflects the audiences growing impatience at his goofy incompetence. Even when the pair is faced with the most notorious criminal in the city, the following shootout in a strip club is utterly unconvincing, perhaps even a little comical. Whether director Tim Story meant to make an almost parody like film I am not sure, but even in the most dangerous and precarious situations there is no dramatic tension. Whilst the pair cannot be faulted on their enthusiasm, there is no chemistry between the two; they seem almost as annoyed at each other as we are with them as the heavy reliance on one-liners become increasingly tiresome. Whilst the film may be a cheap laugh for a rainy day, it is highly predictable. Without convincing characters or tack-sharp writing, it certainly isn’t an action comedy that will leave its mark.

astards is essentially bleak, disorientating and subduing. Female French director Claire Dennis (Beau Travail) lulls unsuspecting filmgoers at ease with the pretence that her latest film is a film noir, but it could quite as easily be argued a modern horror. Its fragmented narrative structure leaves us bewildered and patching together sordid details. Vincent Lindon stars as Marco, a sea captain returned to France to help his Sister whose husband has recently committed suicide and whose daughter has been subjected to extreme sexual abuse. We are given cluttered information; conversations and stark images, a woman walking trancelike through Paris, naked except for high heels, and the masculine expressiveness of Lindon, as Marco seduces his new neighbour, Raphaëlle (Chiara Mastroianni), in the apartment building he has just moved into. The mood of Bastards is exquisite, and makes our fumbling around in the dark seem a feat of hypnotism rather than a fault. The original score by Tindersticks moves between eerie and subtly menacing; perfectly suited to the films subversive feeling, and scenes are sublimely drab, amounting to a dense, depressed atmosphere. The vile plot gradually reveals itself from beneath this noir aesthetic in disturbing glimpses; we walk through semen and blood stained rooms with Marco, and are only later able to understand their awful significance. Marco’s romance with Raphaëlle and other elements of the narrative eventually, vaguely fit into place, but our imagination must fill in the gaps. The story suggested by Bastard’s is distressing in hindsight. A second viewing would yield greatly, but in one viewing Bastards provides an exciting experience; at once slow and sombre, but pulsing with putrid life beneath this.

More like this: The Other Guys (2010)

More like this: Oldboy (2003)

Ria Fretwell-Deery

Teddy McDonald

While not technically “cops”, Men in Black’s Agent J and Agent K are a brilliant duo and were the first to spring to mind while creating this list. Perfectly annoyed with each other and perfectly caring, these two are brilliant in all forms as an alien fighting team, or as a time-travelling mess.

2 Ashburn & Mullins The only women on this list, these two started off hating each other, then became the only person the other had. The Heat was hilarious and the chemistry between Bullock and McCarthy was as evident as any other duo on this list.

1 Angel & Butterman Must anything be said about these two? Excellently written, brilliantly directed and exquisitely played, Danny and Nicholarse are the epitome of the buddy cop team and Hot Fuzz will forever remain my go-to movie when I’m down, grumpy or in the mood for the amazing West Country accent. Sophie Baines


Monday 10 March 2014

The Courier

TV Editor: Beth Durant Deputy TV Editor: Helen Daly



little YouTube research to re-immerse myself with the brilliant world of Kenan Rockmore and Kel Kimble has Dyson-ed about 90 minutes of my life, such is the magic of the show. Let’s face it, Kenan & Kel didn’t rewrite the rulebook of sketch comedy, its dialogue and narratives won’t go down in the annals of television’s finest moments, and, from memory, its fandom was less a popularity tsunami than, say, sporadic drizzles of affection across the country. But what it did, and continues to do is cement itself as a cue, a landmark of sorts, in the childhood/pre-teen epoch of so many of us lucky ones born in the 90s.

“The scenarios for comic blunder were boundless” There’s an intrinsically special quality to something that reminds you of specific moments in time, and the ridiculously entertaining, OTT foibles and misadventures of the protagonist duo do just that. From Kenan choking on a screw in a tuna sandwich, to Kel masterminding the perfect donut, to the PIC’s catching the wrong flight and ending up in Hollywood after winning an Orange Soda contest, the scenarios for comic blunder were boundless.


BO and Sky Alantic seem to be the little channels that could, churning out a long list of stellar original programmes. Newest creation Looking finds us in the comedic realms of life as a gay man in San Francisco, as we follow a small group of very different friends navigating relationships, work and basic life stress. On the value of the premise alone it is easy to see this show as simply another version of HBO’s previous hit series Sex and the City, or even an accompanying piece to current hit Girls. Just trade in the girls for gay men, change the location to San Francisco, and you have another hit comedy drama. Yet whilst the similarities are kind of unavoidable, Looking is a totally different type of program. The writing is more thought provoking, the jokes are a bit more whimsical and light in their wittiness, and there is

Former Glee and Broadway star Jonathan Groff takes centre stage as the slightly awkward but completely charming Patrick Murray, a video game designer looking for love and making some silly mistakes along the way. Those mistakes occur through the continuingly needing to be defined relationship with suave Latino heartthrob Richie, and the clumsy flirtation with fetching new boss Kevin. Both of these supporting characters definitely highlight Patrick’s charisma and flaws, with English actor Russell Tovey making a great US TV debut as Kevin and stirring the dramatic plot nicely. If that isn’t enough to keep you interested then you’ve got some nice side-line stories like that of bitter waiter Dom, a man having to come to terms with approaching the realms of middle age and figuring out his place in life, whilst holding onto

dreams of running his own restaurant and seeing his Grindr days as thoroughly numbered. Or there’s frustrated artists assistant Agustin, who is desperately trying to seek out his own artistic merit and in the process seems to alienate pretty much everyone around him. The writers have created characters that are in certain ways consciously defined by their sexuality, but end up being so much more. We are presented with authentic situations that are detailed and are highly relatable, with the all of the cast giving high quality performances that feel natural and sincere. We are also treated to a drama that doesn’t thrust sex at you like similar dramas such as the US Queer as Folk, which ran from 1999-2004. Instead, sex is just another cog in the storytelling machine, with some frank discussions between characters allowing for boundaries to become confounded and stereotypes challenged. Looking is a show led by sophisticated writing and charming actors, and one that brings us a new, mature insight into gay culture and life in the 21st century. Christopher Addison


One Born Every Minute Channel 4, Monday 9pm


LoveFilm, Available to stream

ilk, exploring life at a London Chambers, returned this week for its third series. Maxine Peake and Rupert Penry-Jones star as rival Barristers Martha and Clive, whilst Senior clerk Billy (Neil Stuke) orchestrates the goingson at Shoe Lane with Machiavellian precision. The overreaching arc of the two previous series was Martha and Clive’s respective attempts to become Queen’s Counsel, aka Silk, the highest honour for a Barrister. Martha succeeded at the end of the first series, leaving Clive disappointed, but within the first five minutes of this episode, Martha lost a trial and Clive celebrated his promotion to QC in style. Now the old rivals are on an equal footing, it remains to be seen if there will be anything more than professional fervour between her passionate defence and his cool-headed prosecution. Billy, meanwhile, is losing the control he has maintained throughout the last two series, undermined at work by new Practice Manager Harriet (Miranda Raison) and betrayed by his own body as he continues to hide his prostate cancer diagnosis. The storyline of this episode was a little contrived, but undeniably interesting: the son of Alan Cowdrey (Alex Jennings), Shoe Lane’s Head of Chambers, is arrested after a protest for manslaughter, after a policeman he pushed hits his head on the pavement and dies. An extension of the “us” and “them” motif that has so far characterised the Barristers’ relationship with the police is stretched further than ever before, and makes for a compelling episode arc. However, as in previous series, the real strength of Silk is in its fascinating characters, brought to life by consistently strong actors. Lauren Hickins

ow into its fifth season, One Born Every Minute has amassed a cult following. Proving that it is not just for the broody women in all of us, the show has established itself as a hit irrespective of age and gender. Taking us on a journey of three couples’ highs and lows of childbirth, it covers the three N’s in all their glory; nostalgia, nappies and top quality natal care. Based in West County’s busiest maternity unit, Bristol’s Southmead Hospital, the fourth season is as suspense-filled as ever, covering angles head-on (literally). The first episode does not disappoint in showing us just how varied childbirth can be. We get to see the dramatic male transition from top lad to true family man as he kisses his newborn baby for the first time. We also see the boundaries of friendship being tested as one midwife delivers her childhood friend’s baby. And last but not least, we see a husband miss his daughter’s birth, followed by the heart rendering moment as he runs in late and sees wife and baby together. With emotional highs and lows in abundance, this series manages to get the balance right, taking us through childbirth from both the mother’s and the midwife’s angle. And while it’s still difficult to get over the shock of what babies actually look like straight from between a woman’s legs, the sentimental music in the background certainly helps you along. Back for 20 episodes this time, One Born Every Minute will satisfy all your emotional needs, and remind you that your workload is not nearly as painful as childbirth.

ichael Hirst’s epic drama Vikings originally aired in March 2013, and has since been billeted for a second running (comprising 10 episodes) on the Canadian History channel. Steeped in many Norse stereotypes (bloodlust, wanderlust and derring-do, to be exact), the program follows the bellicose quests of warlord Ragnar Lothbrok, who longs to capture the thenunknown kingdom of Northumbria. While the historical accuracy of a TV drama that chronicles an event roughly 1000 years old will always remain questionable, the show has drawn generous praise from critics. In the same vein to similar dramas such as Rome and Game of Thrones, Vikings has been lauded because of the focus given to its lush visuals and studied character development as opposed to mere sex and gratuitous violence. To add more weight to its credibility, the soundtrack is equally impressive; the theme song provided by Swedish artist Fever Ray (formerly Karin Dreijer of The Knife) with her single ‘If I Had a Heart’, giving a fitting and foreboding musical backdrop to a program whose content wasn’t designed for the faint-stomached. Empire magazine has been quoted as calling it ‘the most metal show on television’, and I honestly don’t think there is a better way of describing it. If you suspend reasonable belief of everything you’ve ever been taught about the historical perspective of this time period, you’re in for a treat. To use the simple cliché, Vikings really has the ‘whole package’.

Rosanna Hutchings

William Ibbott

Sky Atlantic, Monday 10:30pm


just more of a feeling of the show as really sweet, with flourishes of depth every now and then.

“Sex is just another cog in the storytelling machine”

“It will live on not simply because of a Nickelodeon addiction, but because of the characters” Here are two guys who go through a remarkable amount together, mainly down to Kel’s serious common-sense deficiencies, and come out the other end still the best of friends. Kenan, the relatively responsible and straightforward one (relative being a crucial word here) and the other, Kel, a jelly-faced loveable numbnuts, both felt relatable to as a viewer. That’s not to say winning Orange Soda contests or choking on tuna sandwich screws was commonplace in my experience of Leytonstone in the years 1996-2000, but the friendship, rapport and pillar of comedy in the relationship between Kenan and Kel was endearing and charming, in its own way.

Ultimately, Kenan & Kel will live on not simply because of a past Nickelodeon addiction but because of the characters. The legacy, if you will, of the show is the essential nature of true friendship in that its currency is the number of moments that you are able to laugh at years later, and boy did Kenan and Kel have them. The career trajectories of the duo post-K&K has differed massively, with Kenan a regular cast member of the coveted SNL, and Kel somewhat vanished off the face of the earth. And as devastating as the sour end to their companionship in real life is, Kenan and Kel brought the LOLs and are an act to remember. Muneeb Hafiz

BBC 1, Monday 9pm




The Courier


Monday 10 March 2014

Out of (gun) control After the cancellation of his prime-time US talk show, Antonia Velikova asks why our cousins over the pond seem to hate Piers Morgan even more than us.


he news that Piers Morgan’s prime-time CNN talk show Piers Morgan Tonight has been cancelled didn’t exactly cause an overflow of tears on either side of the ocean. Over the years, the former editor of the Daily Mirror has turned into one of these celebrities you feel obliged to hate. The accident that most likely led to Piers being kicked off CNN is probably the most telling one, being fairly recent. In a debate with Larry Pratt on America’s gun policies, and when faced with a reasonably sensible argument, Morgan resorted to an ad hominem – a personal attack, as he called his guest “stupid man”. While he certainly is not obliged in any way to agree with his guest (a controlled, moderated debate would have even been, should I say it, somewhat entertaining to watch), Morgan stepped over the line of professionalism by a mile. Morgan has been involved with one too many scandals in the UK in his time. He has practically worked in the gutter of British press, and has been implicated with phone tapping, printing out retouched photos, following people around, and many other unseemly things. One would think that after doing all that, no one would think of this man as a journalist. Alas, America did, putting him in the prime time slow on a network news channel. Yet the tower of cards that Piers was standing on has crumbled, and whether there’s a bright future ahead for him, only time will tell. After all that’s been said, though, it’s worth mentioning that while scavenging the Internet, I found some voices that shyly sounded over the mass shouting for Morgan’s near crucifixion, who actually support and believe that he is “pointing out truths that are too uncomfortable for the public

to handle”. In a way, while I definitely believe that Morgan can hardly be classified as a professional journalist, or a journalist at all for that matter, I find that, as with anything that concerns a wellknown face in the public sphere, social media definitely exaggerates the whole issue massively. Piers Morgan did succeed Larry King, who was a respected news anchor in the states. He also stayed on the CNN for three years – so, even if his ratings have fallen massively, apparently someone has been watching him all that time. In the case of the American media, his stance on gun control and political stance on so-called Republican topics has led to the main detractors

of his work over there. The conservative nature of American politics has led to good old Piers being classed as a liberal, and you all know how much Fox news hates a liberal. It is hard not to feel sorry for him just a little bit when he has half of Americas bible belt gun-toting rednecks breathing down his neck. How dare someone criticise the semi-automatic rifle they keep under their pillow? Perhaps Piers is representative of the majority of Brits trying to crack into the saturated dog-eat-dog nature of American network television, or perhaps his personality just makes him come across as a bit of a pompous knobhead. Ah well, all is fair in love and CNN.

We often have to wait a few months or even a few years before American series are broadcast over here. Christopher Addison takes a look at the logistics behind our predicament


Lizzy’s Life Lessons



irls, Sky Atlantic’s American import that answers the call for a modern day Sex & The City, never fails to make headlines. Most of those headlines are about the show’s creator Lena Dunham and her insatiable passion for saying ‘fuck you’ to the haters by baring her naked body for all to judge in nearly every episode. Journalists can’t understand it, feminists foam at the mouth over it and TV executives surely love the ratings boost. But there’s a lot to be said about Girls that has nothing to do with Dunham’s dimpled derriere.

The long wait round n today’s fast paced, multimedia society, you would think that people the world over would be able to watch TV shows as soon as they are released in their respective territory. Yet more often than not, UK audiences are being treated to TV shows weeks later than their American counterparts. But why exactly does this happen? The broadcasting of shows from the US is a problem in the UK in a variety of ways. First of all, there’s the problem that shows like the Big Bang Theory have, where UK audiences are finally treated new episodes or the start of a new season, yet just across the pond their already episodes ahead | @courier_tv

or even closing out the season. Then there are situations like the hilarious Fox sitcom Parks and Recreation: despite having begun its run back in April 2009, the show didn’t make it to UK shores until 2013, and by that time, it was already into its 5th season. Yet the issues don’t stop there. Just last year, ITV2 promoted new American comedy Animal Practice with a series of trailers, enticing audiences to see just what this show was all about. However, in a way this was a waste of a viewer’s time: if anyone actually did enjoy the series and became excited for new seasons, they would be highly disappointed to find out that it had already been cancelled back in

2012. It is one of those cases where you question whether we are being delivered high quality TV anymore, or whether everything is just about getting as many viewers as you can each week. The whole issue of broadcasting TV shows delivered from outside the UK seems to stem from broadcasting rights, and the negotiation to get the best deal and make the best amount of profit you can. To be fair to TV companies, this is something I can understand. Whilst the viewer becomes invested in these great programs, it is easy to forget the television industry is a business, and money needs to be made. However, this need for commercial gain compromises the artistic and entertaining merits of shows. Whilst trying to negotiate deals, TV companies may actually just be losing audiences, because why would I want to have to wait around and watch a TV program when I can use that little thing called the internet and view the episodes other people have already had the pleasure of seeing? The internet is in one way a saving grace in this respect, in that with the emergence of online streaming services like Netflix and Lovefilm, audiences appetites for TV shows can be satiated quicker. However, though we have these great new services, broadcasting problems still remain. Recently, Channel 5 announced that they would not be airing the latest season of US show Once Upon a Time. This is one show that is not available on sites like Netflix, so if companies don’t want me to illegally download TV shows, why make it so difficult to view them, or conversely, make it so expensive? TV is a great landscape of media where there is truly something for everyone, but if this kind of sloppy broadcasting continues, it won’t be long before we’re living in a world where TV is no more and the internet is everything.

Nakedness, in all its glory, is not limited to the rare few on the cover of Playboy. Nakedness, in fact, is not limited at all. It’s not limited to encounters of a sexual nature. It’s not limited to those who spend time at the gym. It’s not even limited to humans. Animals are naked and sometimes, so are we. We forget that we’re part of nature, not above it. And our natural state is to be butt naked. Television doesn’t have to be a square box projecting illusions, where real life situations are to be glossed over and versions of real people are to be dismissed. Dunham, along with her three co-stars who make up the titular ‘Girls’, are real, beautiful people. And if they would brush their teeth with no pants on in the morning, then God damn it, why shouldn’t their characters? Sex, in all its glory, is also a part of nature. Much like Marilyn Monroe’s famous quote, the ladies in Girls also go along with nature. There are a few cautionary tales to be heard. For example, it’s probably wise not to embroil yourself in the love tango with your female best friend’s freshly de-closeted college boyfriend. Likewise, also advisable not to don a florescent yellow fishnet vest if you feel like going out on the prowl. As for fantasies – the key lesson from Girls is that communication is essential. If you like getting freaky to be especially freaky, make sure your partner is on the same page. Make sure that everybody is cool with everything, so nobody feel used and feels the need to bitch you out in a coffee shop in front of your new girlfriend.

Graduating from art school, securing a job that can finance your $1000 a month Brooklyn apartment after working for free for a year and figuring out who you are as a woman can be super stressful, guys. It’s even more stressful when mommy and daddy cut you off mid-internship, and you’re forced to find your own way through the financial pitfalls of daily five-dollar coffees and dinner parties sponsored by Whole Foods. The only thing you have to remember is to remain calm. A rich businessman husband and a friend willing to cover your rent for six months are en route, until your Creative Writing degree is finally put to use in the first full time job you bother applying for. So, relax, take it easy and wait for your crack spirit guide to lead you willingly towards the light that is endless warehouse parties, awkward-almost threesomes and eventual rehab. And if all the drugs, dating and depressing diary entries become too much for you – just run away to Europe. It’s not easy being a Girl, you know. Elizabeth Atkin


Monday 10 March 2014

The Courier

AV Festival: Extraction

Arts Editor Charlie Dearnley delves into AV Festival 2014: A region specific audiovisual arts festival throughout March that digs deep on the theme of Extraction


exhibitions, 36 film screenings, 10 concerts, and 11 new commissions by international artists. AV Festival 2014 extensively explores the theme of Extraction, and is simultaneously refined in its program. Rebecca Shatwell, the Festival’s director and curator explained that the theme came to light through discussion with artists, studio and site visits, and research for her own practice. There seems to be a “strong interest in materiality, and abstracting raw materials” in many artists’ practice at the moment. This could potentially be credited to the technological age that we now find ourselves in, drowning in electronics and unwaveringly wading through the World Wide Web day by day. We are unreturnable reliant upon technology. Losing my phone feels like being caught naked in public: vulnerable, scared, and shivering from cold fear. When I forget to check my e-mails on all three accounts for more than six hours I get nervous and jittery, terrified that I have missed something. To explore raw materials and revert back to an unrefined, untainted geological requirement of society is then somewhat liberating, as these raw materials radiate both history and heritage. There is also potential for artists to discuss the political repercussions of post-colonialist global exploitation, as once extracted and refined raw materials are shipped, sold, and exploited across the globe. In an age of governance without government, the exploitation of raw materials on a global scale by multinational companies is an unavoidable social

“There is some inherent peaceful beauty in the simplicity of raw materials, and the spectacular landscapes they form. From vast expansive rolling hills, to crinkled coastal rock.” fact, and the continuing quest for rapidly depleting resources is a steady panic. But there is some inherent peaceful beauty in the simplicity of raw materials, and the spectacular landscapes they form. From vast expansive rolling hills, to crinkled coastal rock. The theme gives artists the chance to “explore the hidden geology of the region,” touching on its rich industrial heritage and integral mining history. The festival brings in a number of international artists, commissioning them to work responding to the North East, often creating site-specific work. Rebecca commented that there was a huge importance in inviting international artists to work in the

Lara Almarcegui’s Last Coal Extraction of Newcastle

Wang Bing The Ditch

region, whilst also supporting local galleries and strengthening relationships. The North East, and Newcastle in particular hosts an incredibly enabling art scene. In comparison to many major cities, which emit a dog-eat-dog, every man for himself attitude. People involved in the art community in Newcastle are positive about helping each other, and creating opportunities, rather than destructively clawing to the top of a shrinking pile. The AV festival doesn’t just feature shows in the widely known long-established galleries such as Baltic and the Laing, but includes local artist run spaces such as New Bridge. Rebecca remarked that the idea of including local gallery spaces was also about challenging them, and creating something different to their usual yearly programs. New Bridge Project Space is currently exhibiting Lara Almarcegui’s Last Coal Extraction of Newcastle. Featuring a vast metal cage structure once used within the coal mining industry, it now exists as a relic within a gallery space, its minimalist repetitive aesthetic assimilated beautifully into the raw industrial architecture of the building. The piece is sadly somewhat detracted from though through the inclusion of photography. Two images help in visually depicting how the object may once have been practically utilized but I’m not sure this is necessary. The cage itself holds a

Susan Stenger Sound Strata of Coastal Northumberland

commanding power without any explanation, as the viewer’s interpretation is less forcibly dictated. The uncanny unease at the obvious misappropriation of the cage through its inclusion in a gallery space is dominant without any photographic aid. This work’s links to raw materials and extraction are obvious, but some films and artworks are more abstract in their interpretation of the theme.

“I lay down on the floor and let myself drift into the depths of the harmonies... entirely overcome and swept away in the composition.” The film program has been handpicked with the documentary genre in mind, as Rebecca states that it is becoming increasingly common to blend documentary and fiction. She has been following the filmmaker Wang Bing for a long time, and sought to include him in the festival through a fascination in his radical approach to documentary. His fourteen-hour film Crude Oil showing at the Stephenson Works follows the long toiling working days of crude oil extractors in China’s Qinghai Province. With such a range of international artists I enquired as to whether she’d ever consider taking the festival out of the North East? She exclaimed that obviously some work may be exhibited elsewhere by the artists, but as a whole festival the region is integral. The vast range in approach to the theme throughout the expansive program of film, music and art is overwhelming, and yet Rebecca and the curatorial team have succeeded in maintaining a refined consistency to the festival. One commissioned artist who has delved into the history and culture of the region in the composition of her sound installation is composer Susan Stenger, whom I was fortunate enough to talk to in the moments before her train back to London. After a morning of running around town in the Newcastle Sun trying to soak up as much of the festival as possible before the fast approaching interview, I finally sat down on the floor of the office and picked up the phone. Still out of breath I dialed Susan’s number and the voice that answered was especially calm. I steadily hushed my dog like panting and regained composure, my breathing luckily fractured through a bad phone signal. What followed was frankly inspirational, and selfishly so, as an artist working predominantly with sound I found myself making notes for my own practice. I enquired initially if she was happy with her composition Sound Strata of Coastal Northumberland, currently exhibited in the Laing. Her enthused American voice returned that she was overjoyed, exclaiming that she had a chance to “sit and listen to the whole thing.” As “a sound environment” the music is immersive, and entirely enveloping. The specific positioning of various speakers about

the room results in “huge overtones and an active harmonic field,” and the resulting reverberating oscillations are entrancing, and as they throbbed through me I found myself becoming very aware of my own pulse. My own internal rhythm, recognized through relentless oscillating drones. It was an unexpectedly emotive and intimate experience. At this point it is probably wise to explain the installation. Upon entering the room one is faced with a wavering hanging case, housing a geometric cross section of coastal formations from the River Tyne to the Scottish Border. This geological drawing is the score for Susan Stenger’s composition, as she responded to individual rock types with specific instruments, playing on the mirrored layered texture of rock formations and droning sound. Site, cultural, and historical specificity were prevalent in Susan’s research and accumulation of sound. Amidst the slow moving drones are signature rhythms and melodies, such as the Piobaireachd, a solo pipe tune, far more pleasant to listen to than it is to try and pronounce or transcribe. She also recorded and met with many local musicians, such as Northumbrian pipe maker Andy May, fiddle player Stewart Hardy, the city of Newcastle pipe band, and musicians in the Cumberland Arms. The work is a journey: A multifaceted expedition that drifts and drives forward for 58 minutes with a “slowly ascending pitch trajectory,” before two minutes of silence herald the end and imminent recommencing of the composition. Even the sculptural installation of the artwork is signifying of this journey, as its shape is dictated by a bird’s eye view of the coast. The piece is touchingly emotive, unsurprising considering the socio-historical context of the area she explores, with such events as the Hartley mining disaster. Though she implores “there is also joy within the music”. Such a range of emotions is almost implicit within such a multi- faceted, layered composition. After a few minutes within the space I lay down on the floor and let myself drift into the depths of the harmonies, floating along on the sound waves, entirely overcome and swept away in the composition.

The Courier


Monday 10 March 2014

Cameo crusaders The 80’s dream

Boy George in The A-Team

The self-promoter

Snoop Lion (née Dogg) in 90210

TV Editors: Beth Durant & Helen Daly

TV editor Beth Durant looks at some of the most absurd musician cameos in television.

The trying-to-stay-relevant

Prince in New Girl In an attempt to grab in post-Super Bowl viewers, New Girl decided to throw Prince into the mix, because it’s not as though you get the chance to do this every day, unless of course you’re one of the character of a network show. Jess, the resident quirky girl of television, somehow gets invited to one of Prince’s many mansion parties with get best gal pal Cece, but the guys get shunned and have to gatecrash it. Nick in particular needs to get hold of Jess to resolve some earlier relationship problems, and who better to act as a mediator than Prince himself? In true agony aunt form, he sits awkwardly inbetween the couple, the couple who honestly should be getting the fuck over themselves so they can worship at the feet of the ethereal being who invited them over in the first place. Honestly, get your priorities straight. Keep trying Prince, we appreciate you.

How exactly does the Culture Club segue their way into an action packed episode of The A-Team? Face gets a job as a club promoter and thinks he is on his way to some quick dollar. Yet in true 80s fashion, it turns out that after booking Cowboy George for a redneck bar in the deep South, he actually booked Boy George. An easy mistake to make, even for The ATeam. This situation somehow turns into a jailbreak heist, and Mr .T and Boy George, standing on opposite sides of the masculine spectrum, form a short-lived bond after George kicks in a door with a particular sass (“I pity the fool who messes with my boy, George!’’) After many shenanigans involving helping to disguise Murdoch as a pregnant woman to gain access to a jailhouse, he agrees to play the gig for free despite demanding 1.2million about half an hour earlier, and gets cheered on by a bar full of homophobic cowboys as he plays Karma Chameleon. Just a standard episode of The A-Team.

It is truly no surprise to any of us that Snoop would stoop to the decrepit levels of a show like 90210. He’s been flogging car insurance for a while now, seemingly possessing no sense of shame or embarrassment over his thinly-veiled attempts to promote himself or a brand. That being said, we love nothing more than to see Snoop pop up on our screens, mumbling incoherent lines about living the high life. Luckily for our 90210 star Dixon, Snoop just happens to be chilling at the local car wash, as celebrities often do. Dixon spends a good minute and a half proclaiming his love for every album he has ever put out, while Snoop lounges against a wall and passively nods his way through the compliments like this sort of shit happens every time he comes to a garage. After some nonsensical rhyming fun and manly talk about cars, Snoop offers to take Dixon on a spin in his freshly washed car and hey, why not have a listen to his new single while they’re at it? What a nice thing to do for such a huge fan. Snoop, always the philanthropist.

“Okay partner, let me say this so that you hear. I want Cowboy George. I don’t want no English glitter prince. Now Cowboy George shows up,or you show up in a concrete bathroom at the bottom of Frasier Dam.” - Chuck Danford (redneck bar-dweller)

“Yeah that’s that uh, black on black Lamborghini, brand new tennis shoes, spooned and groomed, dipped and whipped, suited and booted, duded and looted.” - Snoop

“Nick, I never thought I’d say this, but I need to be alone with Prince.” - Jess

“That’s hot.” - Dixon

“Prince is terrible at Frisbee.” - Schmidt

The guardian angel

Tom Jones in Fresh Prince of Bel Air In what is possibly the greatest special effects sequence you will ever see, Tom Jones literally glides his way into Fresh Prince in a cloud of smoke and lightning to give Carlton some home truths, and maybe perform a song or two in true cameo style. Dragging Carlton down to the sofa with a quick ‘break it down to me’, he asks what’s wrong and why he is so unhappy. After another heart to heart, which seems to be a common theme of these guest star spots, Carlton realises how fucking ridiculous the whole situation is and just decides to throw all his caution to the wind. Tom breaks out into the quintessential ‘It’s Not Unusual’ and Carlton breaks into dance after realising life is too short to be unhappy. Pure Fresh Prince brilliance.

“Oh my god! It’s Tom Jones! What are you doing here?”- Carlton “Well, I’m your guardian angel.” - Tom “No offence Tom, but I always thought my guardian angel would be black.” - Carlton “I knew Otis Redding?” - Tom

“So do you like pancakes?” – Prince

The fan-service

The egocentric

Britney Spears in Sabrina the Teenage Witch

Pete Wentz in One Tree Hill

This entire segment just reveals that Sabrina is a bit spoilt, really. Her dad flies her to Paris and all she can do is complain about not being able to go see Britney in concert. And in a show where anything and everything can be conjured with the point of a finger, a dancing, lip-syncing Britney Spears is zapped right into their expensive apartment mid-‘Crazy.’ Truly magnificent. Britney doesn’t seem too worried about her predicament, even having a heart to heart about how hard it is to be in the public limelight, poor lass. A few scenes later and Britney is teaching Sabrina some very technical two-step dance moves while giving her boyfriend advice. Sabrina’s first world problems seem to bore her out by the end of a particular dance move and she asks to go home, suddenly realising where she is and what she’s doing. I don’t blame you Brit, her crop top and mom jeans were offending me too.

“As if you have any idea what it is like. You’re always surrounded by people.” - Sabrina “Sometimes that’s the loneliest place to be. Maybe that’s why I’ve been having these one-on-one dreams so often. They drive me crazy.” - Britney

In an effort to make sure the audience get the point, four different characters use the painful phrase “Pete from Fall Out Boy” in his first scene in which he is, for some ridiculous reason, cooking omelettes with one of the main characters. From then on it all goes downhill, as characters start quoting his own lyrics back to him and laud him as one of the greatest musicians of the early noughties (we’re talking back when Fall Out Boy were actually relevant) in what in possibly one of the most ego-stroking few hours of television I have ever seen. Every female character wonders why the hell ‘a rockstar’ would be with some ‘random high schooler’, and honestly I’m just wondering why anyone would want to date this dickhead anyway. He ends up bedding one of the main characters in a fast-tracked romance and sticks around for a while, somehow showing off enough acting chops to have a three episode arc. His bandmates also pop up to make references to their own music, just to add insult to injury. Stick to your day job, Pete.

“What’s up, Tree Hill. We’re Fall Out Boy. We love your breasts so make sure you take care of them.” Pete “Hey, look! Pete from Fall Out Boy.” - Rachel

Monday 10 March 2014

The Courier

Music Editors: Kate Bennett and Ian Mason


against the


‘My Hero’ or ‘The Pretender? Max Cameron on his distaste for Dave Grohl and the Foo Fighters With ‘All Apologies’ to the nicest man in rock, the Foo Fighters put the ‘band’ in ‘bland’. They headlined Leeds Festival and its warm-up event somewhere in the South in 2012, which drew larger crowds than Pulp the year before and Arcade Fire the year before that. Are you all idiots? What Foo Fighters do is write pop music for people who think that they hate pop music. At least One Direction and everyone who isn’t prepubescent and mental know that they’re shit. Foo Fighters’ songs are all just a wall of sound without any substance: they turn down the volume of the vocals (probably because Grohl can’t really sing) and we’re just left with television static - and when he gets bored he throws in some emotionless blues licks. Last Saturday it was 20 years since Nirvana’s final concert, and the cultural impact that they have had is phenomenal. They defined the so-called ‘Generation X’ of early ‘90s America, and continue to define the baggy-jeaned, long-haired 14 year old who was given a fake Stratocaster for Christmas and is just discovering real music.

G I R L Pharrell A

fter dominating the charts in 2013 as a producer and featured artist, Pharrell has fully stepped into the limelight with the release of his long awaited second studio album G I R L, a funk and pop-driven affair positioned as a pure jolt of infectious fun and a tribute to the ladies. Indeed G I R L seems designed to act as the antidote to the controversy of Robin Thicke’s ‘Blurred Lines’. Album opener ‘Marilyn Monroe’ typifies the record’s celebratory mood, as Pharrell compares his lover to a list of historic female figures and stylishly exclaims that she is better than them all. Aside from the weird Kelly Osbourne bit, it’s a solid opening number that features a Hans Zimmercomposed, grand string arrangement that adds a cinematic flourish to things and sets up this record as a bold and joyous album.

“Pharrell smartly ties together the whole record with his cohesive blend of funk driven production and classic disco beats”

Pharrell smartly ties the whole record together with his cohesive blend of funk-driven production and classic disco beats, captivating the listener with a sound of pure bliss. Lead single ‘Happy’ has already shown this to the world with its toe-tapping grooves and smiling sensibility, although conversely the song sounds a little out of place here. But it is with the Daft Punk-assisted ‘Gust of Wind’ that things really take off, a powerfully euphoric song all about this woman being a potent influence over Pharrell, which nicely blends old school rhythms

Sweet Disarray

“What Foo Fighters do is write pop music for people who think that they hate pop music” Nirvana’s most beautiful moment was arguably their show for MTV Unplugged, which was raw, emotional and incredibly delicate. In the shadows, gently splashing away at his quiet drum kit, was a baby-faced Dave Grohl - looking unhappy because he couldn’t hit his drums really, really hard or something. Why would we want to hear Kurt Cobain singing Bowie and old folk songs when we could have heard a glorified metronome? While on tour with Nirvana, Grohl reportedly decided to pick up a real instrument and start writing and singing, but he didn’t want to share his songs with the rest of the band as he didn’t think they were good enough - how sweet. But he was right. This isn’t to say that Foo Fighters have never written a good song. ‘All My Life’ (the one with the verses that sound like Morse code) and ‘Times Like These’, despite the really annoying timing in the chorus (seriously go and listen to it), aren’t that bad. I’m sorry Dave, I really am. You genuinely seem like a nice guy - I hear you look after your mum and stuff - and I know it will upset you if you read this, but at least you were still in a great band once.

with modern effects like Daft Punk’s trademark auto-tuned vocals. However, for an album that is a little collaboration-heavy, things are definitely hit and miss. ‘Come Get It Bae’ is another catchy, handclapheavy tune that finds Pharrell teaming up with wild girl Miley Cyrus, as each singer sensually tells the other to come and get their love. The sophisticated ‘Lost Queen’ is equally as sensual and catchy, and finds American singer Jojo coming out of obscurity for some lush background vocals over a sea of chilled R ‘n’ B beats. Yet while on paper a Pharrell and Justin Timberlake pairing seems like a match made in heaven, resulting song ‘Brand New’ comes across like an over repetitive reject from The 20/20 Experience. Then there is the Alicia Keys duet ‘Know Who You Are’, which is just another inoffensive slice of middle of the road, traditional R ‘n’ B. Whilst he may come across as the perfect gentleman, we can also question just how true this persona is early on in the album with songs like ‘Gush’, an overly sexualised track that tries too hard, while ‘Hunter’ finds Pharrell telling his girl how he is going to hunt her down, edging towards sleaziness with statements like ‘my sex is good’. G I R L leans more towards solid production value rather than being a complete package of inventive lyricism and strong vocals. Pharrell uses his falsetto well and creates a good handful of catchy tunes, but often we are treated to over repetitive songs that fail to reach any form of an exciting climax, and if G I R L is meant to be a celebration of women, then it certainly only goes so far in doing so. Recommended download: ‘Gust of Wind’ Christopher Addison


Daft Punk Random Access Memories


harrell obviously sang the vocals on the mysterious French superstars’ hit single ‘Get Lucky’ while Daft Punk repay the favour on ‘Gust of Wind.’ One of our albums of 2013, Random Access Memories superbly acquaints disco with chart masterpieces.

Love Letters

Rick Ross

Dan Croll

If you like this, try ...





Recommended download: ‘Compliment Your Soul’

Recommended download: ‘War Ready’

Recommended download: ‘Love Letters’

weet Disarray is the debut record from Dan Croll, an artist who has been listed in numerous ‘up and coming’ blogs and lists in the past year or so - and the album certainly lives up to the hype. Kicking off with the now familiar ‘From Nowhere’, Sweet Disarray moves from strength to strength, and it is difficult to find fault with any of the songs. Croll successfully manages to differentiate himself from the crowd of guitar-wielding singersongwriters that are fast reaching saturation-point, by embracing electronic elements and using them alongside four-part harmonies and traditional instruments (guitar, bass, drums and piano) to create a fairly original and identifiable groove-orientated sound. Singles ‘From Nowhere’, ‘Compliment Your Soul’, ‘In/Out’ and ‘Home’ are clear highlights, showcasing the different components which make up Croll’s sound, with ‘From Nowhere’, ‘Compliment Your Soul’ and ‘In/Out’ showing the funky electronic side to Croll’s sound, whilst ‘Home’ places much more emphasis on the folk elements to Croll’s sound, based around his acoustic guitar. Paul Simon has been listed as a major influence on Croll’s sound, and it’s easy to see why, with groovy beats and funky guitar stabs aplenty. A high profile jam with Paul McCartney at the Liverpool Institute of Performing Arts (mentioned in almost every interview) clearly paid dividends, as Croll has produced an album of quality pop songs, and it looks like he has a bright future ahead of him.

Adam Pizey

ith his sixth studio album, Mastermind, former correctional officer Rick Ross has created a tightly produced record that swings from grand, sample-based songs to straight trap beats, resulting in an LP that, while consistently good, doesn’t push many boundaries. The album opens with the track ‘Rich is Gangsta’, which has triumphant horns and a great beat that feels almost theatrical,introducing the themes that the album covers. ‘Drug Dealer’s Dream’ provides a classic trap beat with iconic 808 snare rolls, on which Rick Ross’ distinctive voice sits perfectly. Features from Jamaican musicians Sizzla and Mavado on the track ‘Mafia Music III’ form a song that’s something of a hybrid between trap music and Jamaican dub, adding some diversity to Mastermind, while the slow and heavy beat on ‘War Ready’ and its feature from trap veteran Young Jeezy combine to make one of the hardest songs on the album. While there are a number of stand-out tracks on the album, there are also not many that fall below the standard that is set across it. Although it’s consistent, one wish for the album might be that Rick Ross mixes up his production even more. His previous verses on songs like Kanye’s ‘Devil in a New Dress’ and Pusha T’s ‘Hold On’ show that Rick Ross is capable of rapping over a diverse range of beats. Mastermind is a great album, and definitely worth listening to if you’re in any way interested in hip-hop, but for Rick Ross to create a hip-hop legacy he needs to take more risks in both his production and his style of rapping.

Declan McCann

he English Riviera was the surprise success story of 2011, propelling Metronomy up the festival line-ups and onto the critics’ best of year lists with its inimitable collection of crunching basslines, seductive synths, and Joseph Mount’s whimsical lyrics. With a back catalogue of classic tracks ranging from Riviera’s ‘The Bay’ and ‘The Look’ to songs from 2008’s Nights Out such as ‘Heartbreaker’ and ‘A Thing For Me’, Metronomy’s fourth album Love Letters has a lot to live up to. As the album’s psychedelic cover implies, a very 60s feel abounds - noticeable on its title and standout track ‘Love Letters’, where a distinctively unsynthy and guitary track is complimented by a refrain that borrows every harmony ever synchronised by The Shangri-La’s. While this and ‘Month of Sundays’ channel the spirit of Mama Cass, the rest of the album is relatively limp in comparison. If you, like me, were significantly underwhelmed by lead single ‘I’m Aquarius’, don’t hold out for much better. Opener ‘The Upsetter’ starts off like something Empire of the Sun would have released if they were the Phoenix Club’s house band, and ‘Monstrous’ sounds like the jingle of some extremely annoying toddler’s toy. ‘Boy Racers’ and ‘Reservoir’ hark back to the minimalist nu-rave Metronomy built their name on but somehow manage to miss the mark, resulting in a pretty uninspired and beige soundscape. While I have images of this release’s predecessor strong in mind, I can’t help but feel, as a genuine Metronomy fan, a little cheated, bitter, and plain bored by Love Letters.

Jamie Shepherd

The Courier


Monday 10 March 2014 | @courier_music


SceNE: Venues

Each week we take a closer look at a different spot in Newcastle’s music scene. This week: Boiler Shop Steamer



oiler Shop Steamer is a hub of North East culture, showcasing the best of independent caterers offering eclectic food and drink incorporating everything from Mojito Cheesecake to authentic Mexican burritos, and all the while with the cream of the crop of local musical talent mixed with larger national artists serenading the night away. Hidden away behind Central Station amongst the throng of casinos and shopping trolley-based artworks, the Boiler Shop offers everything you could want from a night out. Tickets are usually under a fiver and feature a full bill of musicians from all manner of genres, from Red Dwarf legend Craig Charles to local heroes the Monkey Junk Blues Club. The event is effectively an indoor festival along a similar theme to Glastonbury, showcasing all manner of eclectic traders, differing from event to event with entertainment away from the music. The music runs into the night while the alcohol flows, usu-

ally finishing with DJs keeping the party going long after the bands have finished playing. Even if you want to go along and not catch the bands while simply enjoying the multitude of cuisines on offer, there’s plenty else to do, such as the unbelievably popular ping-pong tables. With the event held in a warehouse right behind Central Station it couldn’t be closer for either a precursor to a night on the tiles afterwards, or to jump on the Metro home when you’re done. Keep an eye out for listings as the array of acts and traders change dramatically by event, which runs monthly so as to keep excitement high. While you can always pay on the door, beware the later into the evening you go the busier it gets. While it is a large converted industrial warehouse, the demand is sometimes astounding and it can unfortunately feel like a cattle market when you want to go to the loo. Don’t let that put you off however, as the

treats far outweigh the drawbacks. One of the nicest aspects is that mostly, the products are all locally sourced, so anything you enjoy and want to sample again, you won’t have far to travel. Directions: Walking: The Steamer is located right behind Central Station. Walk through the tunnel facing Revolution, turn right past the shopping trolleys and it’s your first left. Buses: This is Central Station, so pretty much any bus will go here, if you’re coming from Heaton then the Number 1 stops right outside, then follow the walking instruction. Metro: Central Station, then follow the walking instructions. Ian Mason

Teaching Future Heads

Ever fancied learning the ins and outs of music from one of your heroes? Music editor Ian Mason sat down with The Futureheads frontman Barry Hyde, who has recently moved into the world of tuition.


Founder and frontman Barry Hyde, amongst promoting Sunderland’s own music festival, Split (which he and his bandmates founded to give a platform for local music), and personally training to be a chef, has returned to his real true love: playing and teaching music. He spoke to Ian about both his own musical background and what he feels he can offer the next musical generation. Obviously you’re offering lessons in multiple disciplines. Guitar, bass, keyboards, songwriting, music theory, improvisation, harmonization. Are you self-taught or do you come from a musical background? A bit of both really.... My Dad is one of the world’s great listeners, he still has an unquenchable thirst for music. His music collection is on the verge of


magine the scene. It’s 2006-2007. Pete and Amy are the Bonnie and Clyde of the tabloids and Russell doesn’t know anything about politics. Noel Fielding is the most fancied man in Britain amongst young teenage girls, and every self-respecting music loving young man has the biggest hair, the tightest jeans, and the pointiest shoes. Tote bags and copies of the NME are de rigeur fashion accessories for every Indie Cindy with “lego-haircut and polka-dot dress”. I was 14-15 years old at this time, a hell of a lot tubbier than I am now, and completely obsessed with Larrikin Love. Before Mumford and Sons came out and polluted our airwaves with their own brand of wank-folk, we had a semi-renaissance of indie musicians incorporating a more rustic feel to their music. It was centred on a number of musicians - Mystery Jetswhen-their-dad-was-still-in-the-band, Goldfrapp during Alison’s 4th regeneration as wood-nymph or white witch or whatever on Seventh Tree, and of course the fiery-haired folktronica pioneer Patrick Wolf. Out of everyone in this scene it was Larrikin Love’s The Freedom Spark which was blasted on repeat from my gig ticket-walled bedroom.

“‘At The Feet of Re’ convinced indie Jamie that the only cool thing to do was find a field and drink lots of cider underage”

f you have ever fancied learning to play an instrument, and have never had the opportunity, then why not take up learning from one of the North East’s most respected artists. Ask any musician on the local scene which act have had the most influence on upcoming acts, and more often than not their first response will be The Futureheads.

“I’m proud of the fact that I decided to become a musician, dedicated my energy and years to it and I still play everyday and I still love it.”

Jamie Shepherd on The Freedom Spark, the sole album from Noughties indie-folksters Larrikin Love

obscene. My parents held music in such high regard that to me and my brother (see Hyde & Beast) it seemed to be a very important thing. A noble choice. I’m pretty much self taught, everyone is really. You learn the most when you play by yourself. A few tips is all you need.

“Once you can play, the best way to keep on learning is to teach.” You obviously have your finger in a lot of pies musically - Split Festival and The Futureheads being the obvious two. What interested you in teaching? I started teaching when I was 17, I was a guitar addict working at a youth project. I loved it, but not long after I started The Futureheads and didn’t teach for years and years. I started going into my old primary school to do songwriting sessions and talks about creativity and of course certain friends would hassle me to teach their kids, as a favour. Eventually I just gave in to it and remembered how

much I love it. Once you can play, the best way to keep on learning is to teach. What do you feel you can offer to the next generation of musicians? Well, it’s tricky, I hope my lessons are enlightening, energizing and just a tad unusual. I don’t like the miserable, frumpy, grumpy music tutor cliché. I like to see my students grow, like watching a garden. It’s an amazing thing to witness. Do you have a proudest musical achievement yourself? Is there anything you would particularly like to achieve from teaching? I’d love to have my own music school. I’m proud of the fact that I decided to become a musician, dedicated my energy and years to it and I still play everyday and I still love it. How can people contact you to make bookings? Yes, I’m at Pop Recs Ltd. on Fawcett Street in Sunderland. It’s literally right round the corner from Sunderland Metro Station. Send me a message on Facebook and I’ll be delighted speak to you. Everybody welcome!

I was completely in love with the punky, gender bending snarl of ‘Six Queens’, the classic bluegrass feel of ‘Happy As Annie’, and the sun-drenched and stereotypically jangly ‘Downing Street Kindling’ where poet and renaissance man Edward Larrikin inquisitively asks us “Who says there has to be a beach to wear a bathing suit?”. It was ‘At The Feet Of Re’ which convinced fat, indie Jamie that the only cool thing to do in life was to find a field with all of your friends, drink lots of cider underage and pretend that you were in one of those really slow-motion camera adverts that come out around festival time. Boy did I buy into the indie dream. When Larrikin Love split up, I was devastated for weeks, but eventually I found strength to move on to my ‘Britpop Jamie’ phase, and then for the plain weird ‘Dubstep Jamie’, and onto this current phase of ‘Disco Loving Shoegaze Jamie’. Sometimes if I catch a strain of a guitar that is more obviously jangly than it needs to be and some fast fiddling, though, it takes me back to a time when I could look in the mirror and say “my name’s Jameh, and I’m an indeh”…

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Monday 10 March 2014

The Courier

Science Editor: Elizabeth Hampson Deputy Science Editors: Emad Ahmed and Peter Style

How close are we to... human cloning?

Stem cell research is highly debated, if we can clone cells can we clone humans? Louise Bingham takes a look at the possibility of one day looking at a real life double


he controversial process of cloning has been at the forefront of scientific research for decades. But have you ever imagined the possibilities if human cloning could be perfected, not only for medicinal purposes, but in your private life too? Dissertation stress getting you down? No fear, your clone is here to pick up the slack. Or (one for the ladies) the possibility of cloning your favourite star, so everyone can have their own personal Ryan Gosling, on sale in a shopping centre near you. The main idea behind human cloning seems admirable: creating a genetically identical copy of individuals to provide a store of stem cells and organs, which can be used to treat a variety of diseases with a minimum risk of rejection. However, the reality of therapeutic cloning, or somatic-cell nuclear transfer for the geniuses amongst you, is wrapped within a difficult social and ethical de-

bate. This has led to a whole host of complex regulations, prohibitive legislation and human rights movements all arguing opposing views. It seems that the ethical implications surrounding human cloning is the main opponent of development, and with such questions raised as ‘should scientists be allowed to play God?’; ‘what about the clone’s human rights, don’t they deserve as a good quality of life as anyone else?’; and ‘who dictates which embryos are destroyed and which develop? They all have a right to life’, the controversy around cloning may never be reconciled.

“Biologists created an embryonic clone of a person”

Despite the legions of human and animal rights activists opposing the research, scientists have continued to experiment with cloning. In 1996 Dolly

became one of the world’s most famous sheep, second only to Shaun, after becoming the first successfully cloned mammal. The process by which Dolly was created, in a simplified form, is this: a diploid cell was taken from the sheep that was being cloned and the DNA removed; this is then fused with a haploid egg cell from another sheep which has had its own nucleus, and therefore DNA, removed; once fused, the cell then develops into an embryo which is planted in the uterus of a surrogate ewe; the embryo develops normally within the uterus and, tah-dah, a lamb genetically identical to the first sheep is born. Seems easy enough right, so why not do the same with humans? In fact, the first license granted in the UK to research human cloning under the ‘Human Fertilisation and Embryology Act 2001’ was to our very own Newcastle University to investigate treatments for Parkinson’s, Alzheimer’s and diabetes in


“Despite activists opposing the research, scientists have continued to experiment with cloning”

2004. Work on human cloning has occurred continuously all over the globe in an attempt to perfect the risky process and, by May of last year, there was a breakthrough. A team biologists from the US and Thailand successfully created an embryonic clone of a person using their skin cells. Whilst this embryonic clone is unlikely to develop into a human, scientists are closer than ever to perfecting the cloning process and producing the first genetically identical human through somaticcell nuclear transfer. If this rate of research persists, and the embryonic cloning process can be perfected and extended through the surrogate stage allowing the embryo to develop into human form, human clones could be a reality within the next few decades. It seems that having a ‘backup body’ could be a reality in the not-so-distant future after all.


Cephalopod rights octopying the thoughts of the courts

Penny Polson submerges into the dark water world of animal testing, uncovering the reasons behind the new legislation inked onto paper surrounding the Einsteins of the deep


hen the importance of animal welfare is being considered, it is not often that invertebrates make the top of the list for protection. But that is what happened in the 2010 revamp of a previous EU legislation, which changed aspects regarding the treatment of animals for scientific research. Itt initiated the protection of Cephalopods, which includes octopus, squid and cuttlefish. This means that they have to be treated the same way most vertebrates are treated in science research – with the same euthanized death with anaesthesia, the same environmental complexity, and the same ‘humane end points’, where the animal is deemed to be suffering too much, and must be destroyed. Cephalopods have been popular in scientific research for studies involving nerves and puzzle solving. Mu ch Obsidian Soul

of the research involving how nerve fibres, work was completed using the 1mm wide axons of Giant Squid, which is up to 1000 times larger than mammalian axons. In research, octopuses have been seen to successfully navigate through mazes which have been altered with new obstacles, and will avoid crabs which have placed stinging anemones on their shell for protection. Instead, they will attempt to hunt them using an altered behaviour, which some scientists have suggested to be an example of adapted behaviour after experiencing pain.

“The best way to reduce the suffering of animals is to increase people’s understanding of them” Cephalopods also have the ability to perceive focused vision, like ourselves. Their relative brain mass to the rest of their body is larger than most fish and reptiles, and while it does not contain a cerebral cortex, which is where humans process pain sensations, their brain is very complex with

areas devoted to different tasks. It is definitely good that standards of animal welfare are increasing for scientific research, but it does raise a difficult contradiction in the booming seafood industry for squid and octopus. In this area, the same species which have been protected from suffering in animal testing are being hauled up in a net, and put on to ships where they either suffocate in the air or get gutted and killed. Animal welfare in fisheries is difficult to impose, as sea dwelling animals generally undergo excessive stress as an unavoidable aspect during net trawls. Land animals in agriculture are required to be stunned before death, which would also be a costly introduction to the fishing industry, and possibly difficult to administer by untrained fisheries operators. The best way to reduce suffering of animals used by humans is to increase the knowledge about what is being done on our behalf. Scientific research generally occurs in institutes paid for by the tax payer, and therefore has an obligation to respond to public concerns and needs. The same goes for animal slaughter and fisheries, which is brought by consumers. By using these animals as food, we are benefitting from taste and nutrition,

so it is not a stretch of the imagination that we should treat their deaths respectfully, and demand that it be administered as quickly as possible.

Brian Gratwicke

The Courier


Monday 10 March 2014 | @courier_science

WhatsAppening at Facebook Web giant Facebook recently decided to splash the cash and acquire IM service WhatsApp for a stunning $19b. Iqra Choudhry gives us the story behind the hugely successful app


hatsApp founders Jan Koum and Brian Acton are set to become billionaires as the company is being sold to Facebook for an estimated $19 billion. Jan Koum’s share in the company will make him a multi-billionaire, and grant him a seat on Facebook’s board of directors. The agreement to sell was signed outside a building where Jan Koum once lined up to collect food stamps – a poignant reminder of how far he’d come, or a middle finger to the world he used to inhabit? Either way, Koum’s story is an ultimate rags-to-riches tale. Born and raised in a rural town outside of Kiev in Ukraine, Jan Koum and his mother immigrated to Mountain View, California when he was 16. They had to leave his father behind, and were never reunited with him, as he passed away in 1997. In the US, Jan and his mother both worked to make ends meet. When Jan’s mother was diagnosed with cancer, they lived off her disability allowance, and Jan taught himself computer programming. He enrolled in university, but was more involved in working as a security tester. A chance meeting with Brian Acton, who was working for Yahoo, changed the course of his life. The two hit it off, and six months after their initial meeting, Koum also had a job at Yahoo and had dropped out of university. Koum’s mother passed in 2000, and after her death, he and Acton became close friends. Yahoo was on Robert Scoble

having conversations via these statuses, WhatsApp 2.0 was born, with a messaging component, and it went viral. The reason why WhatsApp has become such a phenomenon is its international and inclusive appeal. Users can send messages akin to the old-fashioned SMS to other users in different countries, free of charge (excluding the small annual subscription cost). The service is compatible with all types of smartphones, from iPhones, Android and Windows phones, and many others, a reason behind its secret success. WhatsApp also allows users to send picture, audio and video messages, and lets user know when messages have been delivered and when their friends have last been active on the app. The deal is significantly larger than Facebook’s previous blockbuster acquisition of Instagram, for $1bn in April 2012. So, Koum and Acton’s app took the world by storm. And the rest? Well, it’s history.

its way out, and over the next seven years, Koum and Acton watched the company they worked for struggle to compete with emerging internet giants. They were becoming bored, and both left the company in 2007.

Michael Hicks gives his picks of the finest gadgets revealed at the Barcelona trade show


ast week marked the start and end of Mobile World Congress 2014. Each year, mobile tech giants gather for the world’s largest exhibition to showcase the latest and greatest technology. As you can imagine, the trade-show floor has become a battleground with every company vying for attention. Here are three things that really caught my interest this year.


The crown jewel in the tiara MWC this year was without a doubt the Blackphone, from Silent Circle. A few years ago, if you announced that you were making a security-orientated smartphone, no one would have batted an eyelid. But in this world of espionage and institutions overstepping their mark, this thing caught more than its fair share of attention. The Blackphone promises two things: privacy and control. It operates a modified version of Android called PrivatOS, resulting in encrypted texts and calls, and anonymous web browsing. The level of control you have over privacy in this handset is phenomenal. An annoying app trying to access your Facebook friends to spam them? Block it. Not too sure about the wi-fi network you’re connected to? It will automatically disconnect when you leave a trusted area. And that’s only the tip of the iceberg of what this phone can do.

“Both failed to land jobs with Facebook, and Acton was also rejected by Twitter” In the next few years, they watched their savings dwindle as they tried to find work. Both failed to land jobs with Facebook, and Acton was also rejected by Twitter. (Tweets about his rejections have been found and retweeted millions of times over last week.) And then, when Koum bought an iPhone, he had a seminal idea. WhatsApp was born. Koum’s initial idea was one of a social networking app where users could upload statuses using only their phone numbers for login details. When people started

Mobile World Congress 2014: Highlights



Real deal with packet meals

Louise Cairns digests the issues that can add up with a typical student diet, showing the problems that processed foods possess and their effect on our bodies


e live in an age where convenience food is the norm. Gone are the days of having to think about your next meal, now the ever reliable corner shop is filled to the brim with a plethora of ready made meals, ready to end your day on a high note. Who can blame someone for picking up a ready meal lasagne after a long day of uni? This convenience does come at a price however, all sorts of chemicals and additives that seem to be reminiscent of a sci-fi movie litter the ingredient list. Is there any danger in the various additives and E numbers contained in everyone’s favourite snacks, or can we all tuck into our pot noodle of choice guilt free? A quick Google search shows a worrying amount of articles and journals revealing a rather sinister side to convenience food, here are just a few examples. Too much sugary treats really can be a bad thing. Natasha Harris, a mother of eight from New Zealand learnt this the hard way, Natasha is one of the few people to die from excessive Coke

consumption. Natasha was averaging ten litres of Coke a day, this equates to 2lbs of sugar and 870mg of caffeine. This high sugar and caffeine diet is suspected to have induced cardiac arrest in Natasha. In fact her addiction to the coke was so severe that she showed extreme withdrawal symptoms if denied her sugary drink of choice. The phosphoric acid (E338) contained in Coke style drinks is also extremely bad for your teeth, causing heavy amounts of tooth decay. There are also a few studies which suggest that it could even cause Osteoporosis, decreasing bone mass and density making them more prone to fracture.

“E110 has a worrying list of side effects”

Olestra is a fat substitute found in many low fat food alternatives, such as crisps. Manufacturers who use olestra claim that it is a calorie free fat source which retains all the flavour, sounds perfect right? Unfortunately there are a few unpleasant draw backs. Olestra is too big to pass through the intestinal wall to be absorbed, this means that the body receives no nutritional value from the fat. While this might sound like a plus, Olestra actually interferes with the body absorbing several vital vitamins such as vitamins D, K and E. Olestra absorbs any fat soluble nutrients as it moves through the intestinal tract, causing the person who consumed it to experience extremely un-

pleasant gelatinous diarrhoea. Remember those funny tasting, sugar free sweets that made your stomach feel a bit funny? Yeah, it’s sort of like that but even worse. Everyone loves Irn Bru, its unique taste and bright orange colour distinguishes it from all the other fizzy drinks that fill shop shelves. But the E Number that gives Irn Bru its colour is pretty worrying. Sunset Yellow FCF, also known as E110, has a long list of rather worrying side effects. Rashes, vomiting and migraines are just a few of the adverse effects that have been linked to the additive. With all this in mind it really might be best to make home made meals, rather than risk the minefield of food additives. Illustrations by Rachel Templeman

Karlis Dambrans Smartwatches have, so far, failed to capture the public imagination and explode in the way smartphones did a few years ago, but that isn’t going to discourage Samsung from trying. The new version of Samsung’s Gear sports a brand new Tizen-based OS, resulting in a much faster watch with a longer battery life. The watch will also come with a variety of fitness-related functions, such as calorie burn calculation and more on the horizon. The only worry is that Samsung maintains a vow of secrecy on the price, implying that the financially challenged sadly need not apply.

Sony Z2 Smartphone

Sony has been causing a stir because of this next entry, mere months after the Z1. Despite this, the Z2 looks as if it will be more than a worthy upgrade. Sony have packaged one of the most impressive screens in the market, a 5.2” IPS display which results in one of the most vibrant and astounding screens on any smartphone to date. While this does mean this handset is markedly larger than the previous iteration, the overall sleeker design more than makes up for this. The Z2 also boasts a 20.7 MP camera with 4K video recording, as well as being waterproof. If Sony would remove the bezels from the top and bottom of the display and fix the mildly clunky UI, then Sony are golden.

The Courier


Monday 10 March 2014

Puzzles There’s no quizness like show quizness, like no quizness I know. Hand in your answers at The Courier office to have a chance of winning drinks at MensBar


Puzzles Editors: Tom Nicholson and Sam Summers

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Grandma’s Pictionary

I sat down with Grandma for a game of pictionary, but she’s just not very good, bless her. Can you help me figure out which common phrase she’s trying to draw?


8 6


1 Film starring a horrendously fat Marlon Brando as Colonel Kurtz (10, 3) 6 Norwegian author of A Doll’s House (5) 7 Dishevelled (7) 9 Sad, sad film about dead, dead rabbits (9, 4) 13 Maker of cheapo watches which have unaccountably become massively popular with hipsters (5) 14 Having the status of a ruling elite who are pretty sure they have the divine right to do so (5) 15 Australia’s favourite daughter and pop princess (5) 16 ____ Walcott, injured footy man (4) 17 Fable-wrangler extraordinaire (5) 18 Widely considered the best dog ever (6) 19 Former students of an establishment (6)

The first person to bring the completed puzzles to The Courier office in the Students’ Union will be awarded the prize and the respect of their peers, which let’s be honest is priceless


1 Bond film with Duran Duran soundtrack (1, 4, 2, 1, 4) 2 Thin, French take on the pancake (5) 3 Very cheap place where young people stay on walking/biking/whatever holidays (5, 6) 4 Daft sod who mucked everything up in the garden of Eden (3) 5 1987 cult film starring Richard E. Grant and Paul McGann as unemployed actors (8, 3, 1) 9 Smoked fish, commonly eaten at breakfast (7) 10 Insensitive (8) 11 Pre-Raphaelite brother Dante Gabriel, or poet Christina (8) 12 It’s not right, but it’s ___ (4) 17 Pronoun used in second person address (3)

Which Irishdancer do they call the Lord of the stamps?


4 2 3 5 7


7 1 3

4 5

6 2

7 6 1 6 5

7 1

3 9 7 1 3 8

Oh, Smiggsy!

Michael Philately!


Monday 10 March 2014

The Courier

Sporting perfection

In the wake of Ronnie O’Sullivan’s phenomenal 147 in Cardiff last week, The Courier looks at other examples of flawless sporting feats

Ronnie O’Sullivan Whoever said “a handshake beats an autograph” merely described one of these moments. Moreover, this old saying certainly evolved into a personal motto for the lucky snooker fan who grabbed the hand of Ronnie O’Sullivan immediately after his triumphant 147 in the final frame of Welsh Open. Mesmerized by the Englishman’s sublime manoeuvres, one could easily compare him to a surgeon during a lifesaving operation; the stone-like face of Ding Junhui last Sunday exemplified this silent admiration. Long ago labelled “Rocket” for the breathtaking pace at which he could clear the table, O’Sullivan flawlessly illustrated this famous ability in the final episode of the Newport showdown. Remarkably, O’Sullivan is said to have achieved his first ever 147 at the age of just 15. It comes as little surprise that the boy was right then classified as the prodigy of modern snooker. Against Ding he set the break in motion with a clinical long shot but, in his own words, it wasn’t until the 60th

point he thought of actually going for the maximum. And what about that troublesome final red near the cushion? No worries, his left hand dealt with that. The same lefthand would go on to earn O’Sullivan a third Welsh Open crown by sealing a special 147. This is arguably his most special one to date, as it took The Essex Exocet clear of Stephen Hendry with whom he jointly held the record of 11 maximum breaks in professional competitions. Now Ronnie has added another one to a ravishing list of twelve perfect streaks which he began in 1997 with the fastest 147 in snooker history (5:20 min). Seventeen years later it seems that the genius from Chigwell hasn’t lost even a fragment of his excellence. The young man in a grey hoodie thus didn’t just receive a handshake from the Welsh Open winner. Rather, he was engraved with an invisible tattoo by a great master. Peter Georgiev

TAKE OFF: Ronnie ‘the Rocket’ O’Sullivan cleans up in the Welsh Open. Image: Getty

Jim Laker The words ‘perfect’ or ‘perfection’ are perhaps thrown around a little too loosely when it comes to sport. Rare is it that an individual, especially as part of a team, plays the perfect game. Rarer still is it that such an achievement be made against said teams biggest rivals. But that is exactly what Jim Laker managed at Old Trafford in the fourth Ashes test of 1956. After England had posted a first innings total of 459 Laker set to work, tearing through the Australian batting lineup which included figures such as Colin McDonald and Keith Miller. The offspinner took nine wickets in the first innings as Australia were dismissed for 84 in just over 40 overs, including a spell of

Jim Laker batting against Australia in the fourth Ashes test in 1956. Image: Wikimedia Commons

seven wickets for eight runs in just 22 balls. As I said, perfect performances are hard to come by, and 9 wickets in a single innings is probably as close as someone could get, right? Wrong. England asked Australia to follow on and were chasing a victory which would ensure at least a draw in the series and retain the Ashes, but two days of heavy rain put that prospect in jeopardy. When the skies finally did clear on the fifth day, Australia looked to be in a position where they could save the match, resuming at lunch on day five at 112-2. Jim Laker had other ideas. He had taken those first two wickets, and as the pitch dried came into his own. The tourists eventually collapsed to 205 all out, with Laker becoming the first man to take 10 wickets in a single innings of a test match (10-53), a feat which has since only been matched once by India’s Anil Kumble, who took 10-74 in 1999 against Pakistan. Laker finished the test with astonishing figures of 19-90, a performance which helped England retain the Ashes, and was undoubtedly the star of the series as well. He took 46 wickets across the 5 games, a record for a five test series which still stands today. The fourth test at Old Trafford is still fondly referred to as ‘Laker’s Match’, and it is hard to imagine a single bowler ever dominating a game or a series as forcefully as Jim Laker all those years ago. Mitchell who? Will Crane

Yaroslava Shvedova The perfect set is not very common in tennis, especially in the open era when every match is hotly contested. It has perhaps unsurprisingly only happened five times in the past 70 years. If you asked tennis fans to name who has accomplished the prestigious ‘golden set’, they would be likely guess Roger Federer or John McEnroe, but they couldn’t be further off the mark. The most memorable instance came at Wimbledon two years ago. The relatively unknown Yaroslava Shvedova managed a golden set, reaching the 6 games without losing a single point to her opponent. Un-seeded at the time of the match, Shvedova held serve three times and broke the serve of her opponent Sara Errani each time, to take all six games in succession in the 2012 Wimbledon Championships. Making her white wash defeat all the more impressive, it only took fifteen minutes for the Kazakhstani to dismiss her Italian opponent, who was ranked a career high of number five. Her competitor had also been the French Open runner-up that year. Before the Wimbledon fortnight in 2012, no woman had ever managed it on the professional circuit. Remarkably, the closest anyone had come to doing it was Shvedova herself. Yaroslava had won 23 points in a row – one point off the perfect set – in the Memphis Open in 2006 and took the WTA record then.

She then went on to beat her own record again six years later. It was her third round match against Errani however, which secured her place in an exclusive, yet impressive elite ‘golden set’ club. Her elation was evident when she tweeted, “Today I laid a golden egg!” After her match. The unseeded Kazakhstani’s creditability doesn’t stop there. She also makes it into the record books for being the first player to achieve the prestigious golden six games in any Grand

Slam competition, male or female. The set saw Shvedova hit fourteen winners, including four aces. Forcing Errani to hit ten errors, Yaroslava battled her way into the fourth round with a 6-0 set in the bag and place in the history books. It was the first time such a feat had been achieved by a professional tennis player since Bill Scanlon did it in 1983 at the WCT Gold Coast Classic in Florida. Following her record-breaking match, Shvedova faced Serena Williams in the fourth round and joked, “hopefully I will be able to win a point in that set”. Unfortunately for the record breaking player, she managed to win a point but not too many of them, and was knocked out in the next round.

Having waited nearly 30 years for it to happen again, it would be unsurprising if we had to wait until the 2044 until we see another one, considering the depth of both the men’s and women’s games. Ironically, in that golden set match, after not losing a point to Errani in the opener, Errani went on to break Shvedova in the first game of the second. However, Shvedova went on to finish the match 6-0. 6-4. FranFitzsimmons

Yaroslava in action in Wimbledon Photogrphy Getty Images

The Courier


Monday 10 March 2014

Don Larsen

‘To throw the perfect game’ in major league baseball is nothing short of an art form. For those who may not be familiar with what this means, it is the act of a pitcher going a game’s full nine innings, without letting a single one on base. No base hits, no walks, no nothing. 27 batters up, 27 batters down. The act of achieving this form of sporting perfection is unprecedented in that it necessitates a focused mindset over an extended period of time; a perfect understanding between body and mind. In over 135 years of major league baseball, there have been just 23 perfect games ever pitched. To achieve such a feat in the regular season is impressive, to do such a thing under the inexorable pressure of a World Series game is nothing short of remarkable. Step forward Don Larsen. Going into its fifth game, the 1956 World Series was perfectly poised at two games apiece between Larsen’s New York Yankees and the Brooklyn Dodgers – two teams that were huge rivals of era, prior to the decision to move the Dodgers franchise over to Los Angeles several years later.

The Invincibles

The showing from Larsen, famed for his unorthodox ‘no wind-up’ style on the mound that day was exquisite. Over the course of two hours and six minutes, Larsen would throw 97 pitches, 70 of which were strikes, as the Yankees edged to a narrow 2-0 win in front of a crowd of 64,519 at Yankees Stadium. On that autumn day, Larsen commanded absolute perfection of the strike zone, as the fancied Brooklyn Dodgers struggled to come to terms with the faultlessness of his performance. The sole heart-in-mouth moment for Larsen is said to have come in the game’s seventh inning. As Dodgers’ Tom Maddley popped a flyball to deep centre, Yankees centre-fielder covered 500 feet to meet the dropping missile, ultimately proceeding to back-hand catch the fly ball that looked destined to end Larsen’s perfect game. Soon after, the feat was completed with the ninth inning strikeout of the Dodger’s Dale Mitchell, enabling Larsen to inscribe his name into baseball with an achievement that will in all likelihood never be matched. Nick Gabriel

Perfection is a word not often used in conjunction with football, especially not when the sheer length of a domestic campaign is considered. However, when it comes to 21st century British football, there is one team that remains virtually synonymous with excellence. This of course, was Arsenal’s ‘Invincible’ side of the 03/04 Premier League season. At the helm of this Arsenal team was the seemingly evergreen, Arsène Wenger. An astute tactician with a passion for short-passing and free-flowing football, Wenger had assembled a team worthy of his own philosophy. The back four were often impenetrable as they kept 15 clean sheets, conceding far less

Offering bite in the centre of the park was the steely partnership of captain and powerhouse Patrick Viera, coupled with Brazilian World Cup winner, Gilberto Silva. As impressive as this Arsenal defence and midfield was, it is undeniably the two front men that took Wenger’s champions to another level. Providing pace, incision, two wonderful feet and a dose of ‘va-va voom’ was Arsenal’s record goal scorer and club icon, Thierry Henry. There are not enough superlatives to do this man justice. Alongside Henry was the famously ‘non-flying Dutchman’, Dennis Bergkamp. A product of the famed Ajax academy,

than a goal a game (26 in 38). Between the sticks was the archetypal, albeit mentally questionable German keeper, Jens Lehmann. He was protected by a solid and versatile back four consisting of Ashley Cole, Sol Campbell, Kolo Toure and Lauren. Lightening quick on the counter-attack and deadly down either flank, this Arsenal team truly was explosive. Providing the width in what is considered one of the Premier League’s greatest ever wide pairings, was Wenger’s countryman Robert Pirès, and the flamboyant Swede-come-underwear model, Freddie Ljungberg.

this extremely intelligent forward was something of an artist on the pitch. Tall, fair and slender, this striker’s angelic appearance was matched by perhaps the most other-worldly touch ever to grace the Premier League. Even more impressive than this starting eleven are the stats. In the 03/04 Premier League campaign, not a single team managed to beat Arsenal, having thirty-eight attempts between them. This record has not been matched in the Premier league’s twenty year history, and as things stand, remains not only safe, but truly remarkable. Ryan Hill

Thierry Henry. There are not enough superlatives to do this man justice. Alongside Henry was the famously non-flying Dutchman Dennis Bergkamp.

HUG: Larsen is embraced by Yogi Berra Image: Flikr - wallyg

Medics 1’s flatline in pursuit of perfection

Continued from page 40 With the 1’s desperate to find a way back into the contest, the tempo of the match was upped, resulting in the context becoming continually more stretched, and simultaneously more absorbing, as the match had an increasingly true oldfashioned cup tie feel to it. As 1’s began to throw more bodies forward, the 2’s continued to offer a threat on the counter, mostly aided by the tremendous work rate of Josh Batham in the lone striker role. Dhand came close to drawing the side’s level at one stage. Faced with a one against one situation with Conley in the 2’s goal, he was once again superbly denied by the onrushing keeper. Soon after it was Duckworth’s turn to uncharacteristically spurn a decent opportunity, slicing a bouncing ball wide

having been neatly played through on goal, in what was his only real chance of the second period. The fact that the usually prolific front man had one of his more subdued afternoons in his Intra Mural career was undoubtedly testament to both the organisation and resoluteness of the 2’s backline throughout the contest. The 2’s, however, were not without their chances late on to make the game safe, as they continued to offer a threat on the break as 1’s switched to a three at the back in search of the elusive equaliser. Centre-half Dave Gardiner first had a goal bound header well saved by Dale Anderson in the Medics goal, prior to only a piece of desperate defending preventing Batham from wrapping up the points for his side late on.

However, as it turned out just the one goal proved to be enough for the Medic 2’s as, thanks to some full-blooded defending at the game’s death, they held on to claim the win. In doing so, they were able restore some intra-city pride by way of forcing the 1’s to put the champagne on ice for another week at the very least. Speaking after the game, 2’s skipper Dalton was unsurprisingly delighted with the result. “They (the Medic 1’s) have been a lot better this year and although they’re still probably going to win the league, it always feels great to beat them and in doing so remind them who the premier Medics team really is”. He continued: “They’ve got to go to Larrakins next week and get a result; stranger things have happened in football so who knows.”

UP IN THE AIR: Dan Jones and Jonny Haswell. Image: Nick Gabriel

League Tables Wednesday 11 a-side Football

Division 1 1

Division 13

Division 2

















Newcastle Medics 1







30 1

Boca Seniors









Division 41









Politic Thistle








Team Team 1 1 Sons of Law Pitches Barca Na

Pld Pld WW



11 12


1 2 4250 1415 26 28



Pts Pts


Newcastle Medics 2







22 2

Aftermath FC









FC Bayern Toonich





28 19


2 2 Newhist FC Medics 1sts Newcastle

11 12



2 2 4936 2120 21 26


Dyslexic Untied







15 3

SS Ladzio









Sub-Standard Liege





28 22


3 3 KFC Henderson Hall




1 4 2641 1529 17 22


Henderson Hall







12 4

Roman Villa FC









South Sandwich FC





19 29


Dyslexic 4 4 We need toUntied talk about KK




19 4 5 1832 2426 12

Brown Magic FC









Newcastle Agrics FC





11 20


1012 10 12





8 12



5 7 2418 3522 7 9 1314 5247 6 10 1412 2542





















Castle Leazes














15 17


5 5 FCCrayola Twente Bag 6 (R) Geogsoc Aftermath











Newcastle Dynamos









Buckminster Fullerenes







7 (R) Borrusia Monchenflapjack Castle Leazes


915 79 44


Monday 10 March 2014

The Courier

Ladzio in touch of top tier Division Two

S.S. Ladzio


Roman Villa FC


Street, Lysensoone, Cooke


By Dom Brooke at Close House On Wednesday, two promotion contenders met at Close House. As the season is coming to a close, the game was massive - being worth 6 points and the make or break for promotion for both teams. Playing in the terrible conditions of the windy pitch, the game started heatedly. A real gritty start brought the first threat of the game from Ladzio. Consistently threatening from set pieces,

Better, faster, stronger, higher

Ladzio broke the deadlock when Cal ‘Bainesy’ Street stepped up and bent a beautiful free kick into the far corner. It was 1-0 Ladzio. Ladzio built on their momentum and took hold of the game through an exquisite volley from their very own Zinedine Zidane in Frenchman Charles Lysensoone. Running on to a loose ball, Lysensoone struck a gorgeous first time volley from a tight angle. With the rest of the players on the field watching it stunned, the ball slipped into the far corner to give Ladzio a two nil lead. Ladzio defended their lead well for the remaining first half. However, their control on the game was contested when James Essex stepped up to take a free kick on the outskirts of the Ladzio box. The thunderous free kick from Essex found the back of the net and clawed one back for Villa with around 20 minutes left to play.

The standard of the most recent two goals showed why both Ladzio and Roman Villa were top of their league and deserve a promotion spot in the upper tier. Things got worse when Ladzio centreback Joe Worthington found himself on

a pivotal role in the closing stages of the game. Distinguishing any Villa threat, Mckie continued his strong form in the closing stages filling in at centre back. Despite the majority of the pressure coming from Villa in the second half, Ladzio secured the victory with a swift

Ben Mckie had been a rock all game in centre mid playing for Ladzio, playing a pivotal role in the closing stages of the game. the sidelines. It was the second time of the match but he asked for ten minutes off this time as he experienced what he described as “potentially career ending cramp”. Ben Mckie had been a rock all game in centre mid position for Ladzio, playing

counter attack. Nate Cooke stepped up to secure the win with a back post tap in. The celebrations commenced with only minutes remaining. The goal all season for Ladzio was to gain promotion and Wednesday match has brough their season target that little

bit closer with 6 points in the bag. Third year Dan Skyte said the prospect of leaving university with S.S Ladzio being promoted into the Divison 1 ‘was what he could of only dreamed of.’ With only a couple of matches left in the season, Ladzio will have to repeat their form from Wednesday’s match to make it to the big time. Man of the Match: Alex Martin




Lynsensoone Mckie







No trouble at Mill for karters


By Francesca McKever at Sheffield Last weekend, Newcastle University Trampolining Team were in Sheffield to bounce at the BUCS Gatorade Nationals, returning with some very well deserved medals and a hoard of BUCS points for the university. The first day of the competition went well with Stu Walker, Ali Hardy, Greg Lymar and Frankie McKever smashing through their routines and getting through to finals. Although not quite making it to finals, Emma Barry, Sarah Mear, Rachel Bolton and Barney Gush deserve a special mention as they all performed good routines. Also worthy of a mention are Georgie Smith and George Bullock, who both got through one of their routines and spectacularly crashed out in their second. This bad luck was joked as being ‘the curse of the Georges’. The four finalists did incredibly well on the Sunday, with our star of the show Stu Walker walking away with the Gold in BUCS 3 Men. This excellent result, along with 9th place for Greg in BUCS 2 and 5th place for Ali in BUCS 4 helped the boys team to achieve 3rd place overall, gaining valuable BUCS points for the university, as well as some very pretty medals. Frankie came in the top 15, which considering there were 175 girls in her category is not bad going. A special mention goes to Sophia Berry, our amazing captain who couldn’t compete but came and supported us with her expert coaching. A surprise visit on the Sunday from our coach James Webster also boosted moral for. The competition ended with the BUCS 1 domino final; an amazing spectacle inspiring us to train even harder. Overall, the weekend was a success and improvement from last year. A big thank you to Greg Lymar and his fabulous committee and to Barney and Anya for driving - making the weekend possible.

NOT SO RUN OF THE MILL: Varying weather conditions caused haoc in some races at Whilton Mill circuit Image: Freddie Caldwell

Go Karting By Freddie Caldwell at Whilton Mill Rounds three and four of the British Universities Karting Championship were held at Whilton Mill circuit in Northamptonshire; this is comparatively close relative to the other circuits on the calendar meaning that the Newcastle team were able to begin their road trip at the rather civilised time of 4.15am. A few hours drive down the M1 and they arrived at the circuit where they were comforted by an “all day brekkie bap” from the lovely ladies in the burger van. This culinary invention was almost as full as the grid, as 36 karts took to the small circuit. Rounds of the BUKC have a habit of attracting inclement weather and this was no exception; the first race took place on a track soaked by overnight

rain. Despite the conditions, Tom MacKenzie did a good job picking his way through the chaos to make up a few places for the A team in the first race. The subsequent sprint races took place on a fairly dry track and they were something of a mixed bag for Newcastle. Freddie Caldwell was on for a decent finish but was hit coming out of the last corner leaving him facing the wrong

disappointed not to break into the top 10, this result meant some much-needed points for the Newcastle A team. Hopes were high for Alex Jobson in the last sprint race as he had been given a third place grid position. Unlike most of the front-runners, Alex had never driven the track before but he did well to avoid all of the major incidents that occurred as the race unfolded and even-

Rounds of the BUKC have a habit of attracting inclement weather and this was no exception way just yards from the line which didn’t do his result any favours. Things improved when team captain and Whilton veteran Dan Chalk took to the track; he was involved in an intense battle for the full 25 minutes and finished in 13th place. Although he was

tually held off a number of quick drivers to record an impressive eight-place finish. Newcastle entered the endurance races on a high; however, at this point the rain made an appearance and chaos promptly ensued on track. Despite the

uncertainty that the conditions brought, Dan and Alex drove a solid race to bring the kart home in 23rd place. It was then up to Tom and Freddie to contest the final sprint race where the conditions were incredibly variable during the hour that the race was run. The team kept up a conservative pace from a lowly grid position and kept the kart mainly pointing in the right direction to eventually finish in 30th place. The B team made the most of being given a wildcard entry to these rounds of the championship and gained some valuable experience, even if they didn’t challenge for the top positions. As a result of their performance they have now been promoted to the main championship full time, which is a great achievement for the team, all of whom are racing their first season in the BUKC. The Newcastle karters now look forward to a trip to North Wales for the next rounds later this month where they will look to move further up the championship table.

The Courier


Monday 10 March 2014

MAKING A SPLASH: The Men’s 1st VIII in action at Tynehead. The peerless outfit won their category with relative ease, posting a time of 17.09 in the process. Image: NUBC

Rowers dominate BUCS Rowing

By Sally Hickey at Tyne Head Following the announcement that BUCS Head was cancelled due to the inclement weather, NUBC competed a 5k race on home turf, Tyne Head, last weekend. Despite a ferocious wind and sporadic rain, they were able to boast an impressive turnout of Blue Star-adorned supporters. Division 1 saw the men’s eights and women’s fours, with the 1st eight (Sam Arnot, Tom Ford, James Rudkin, Florian Reinecke, Jasper Holst, Andrew Ronaldson, Sam Wilson and Ed Munno and cox Calum McRoberts) winning their category easily, posting a time of 17.09. The men’s second eight of George Patrick, Barnaby Stroud-Turp, Freddie Stu-

art, Tom Mountain, Ed Davies, Michael Trevena, David Manterfield, Matt Smith and cox Tommy Reeves, came second overall, also winning their category. The novice men’s first eight (Hugh Harris, Will Torr, Paul Cooke, Mike Penn, Jamie Evans, Callum Shaw, Mike Stevenson, Alex Temple and cox Svenja Perkins) were second in their event, with the second eight (Matt Brown, Luke McDermott, Callum Watson, Dan Avis, Roy Stubbs, Joe Anderson, Tom James, Ali Brown and cox Jess Banks) in fifth place. The women’s elite four of Emily Howard, Emily Ford, Rosie Rust and Gemma Hall won their event, with the women’s intermediate four of Claire Hibbert, Rebecca McPhee, Georgia Parry, Becky Bennewith and cox Georgina Lowen coming second in their event. Will Jolly and Andrew Dalley were the only boat in their category, and came through in 26.22.

The women’s novice four of Grace Hockenhull, Martha Dixon, Becci Brennan, Lottie Woodall and Katie BrydonJones came third in novice coxed fours, and the second novice women’s four of Charlotte Hill, Kitty Nelson, Rachel Denton, and Jess Rayner, coxed by Elenor Wood came 8th in the category. In division two, it was the turn of the men’s fours and women’s eights. The women’s first eight of Gemma Hall, Katherine Bulmer, Emily Ford, Emily Howard, Rosie Rust and Natalie Hardy, along with senior men super subs Alex Leigh and Sam Wilson, and cox Arabella James, won the elite eights easily, ultimately posting the fastest time of the day in the process. However, due to the males in the boat (despite a wig being donned in an attempt to confuse the umpires) they were racing for time only. The second eight of Claire Hibbert, Reb McPhee, Georgia Parry, Charlie Binns, Rachel

Webb, Becki Bennewith, Lulu Gallagher, Alice Meadows and cox Georgina Lowen came down in 2nd place. The novice women’s eights laid down some big strokes, and the first eight (Grace Hockenhull, Martha Dixon, Becci Brennan, Lottie Woodall, Megan Powell, Izzy Proctor-Smith, Georgia Roverts, Rachel Leatherbarrow and cox Niamh McAllister) came down the course in 2nd place, second only to Edinburgh. The second eight of Charlotte Hill, Kitty Nelson, Helen Mcall, Liam Rose, Rachel Denton, Jess Rayner, Hetti Newberry, Niamh Burke and cox Katie Brydon-Jones put in a good row to come 4th, helped along by their very own coach sitting in the four seat. The men’s elite four of Tom Ford, James Rudkin, James Reeder, Jasper Holst and cox Calum McRoberts stormed down the course to win their event, as did Florian Reinecke, Sam Arnot, Andrew

Ronaldson and Ed Munno, despite a brief pause in which they were forced to easy and let an eight move out of the way. The lightweight four (racing in intermediate 2) of George Patrick, Barney Stroud-Turp, David Manterfield and Matt Smith won their category, as did the elite coxless four of Florian Reinecke, Sam Arnot, Andrew Ronaldson and Ed Munno. The novice men’s four of Mike Penn, Hugh Harris, Paul Cooke, Jame Evans and cox Svenja Perkins came third to Durham University and Edinburgh University, with the second four of Luke McDermott, Matt Brown, Dan Avis, Callum Watson and cox Jess Banks coming 4th, in a time of 22.06. All crews are now buckling down for the fast-approaching head races, WeHORR in two weeks, and HoRR in under a month. Watch this space.

NURSC set sights on bronze Shooting By Nick Grimm in Stavely Saturday 21st February saw Newcastle University Student Rifle Club’s A-Team take on the seven best university target rifle teams in the UK in the BUCS Short-Range Championship finals at Staveley Rifle Club. Having qualified in fifth place overall, the team knew that the competition would be tough. Nevertheless, they remained hopeful of a medal place, having narrowly missed out in last year’s championships. A change in the format of this year’s competition saw each team shoot against the others, one shooter at a time. This increased the feeling of pressure on each subsequent shooter as the umpire posted each round’s scores and running totals for all to see throughout the day. After a slightly shaky start, the team’s morale was buoyed by third shooter Tarni Duhre’s first ever perfect score of

100, finishing the morning’s shooting in third position at the halfway stage. It was, however, agonizingly close with just seven points of a total of 1,200 separating the top four teams. As the afternoon’s shooting progressed, the day’s eventual winners, Southampton, drew further away from the rest of the pack, leaving four teams locked in a fierce battle for the remaining two medal places. Tension increased as shooting came to a close with second and third places still too close to call between Newcastle and Aberdeen. It was, however, the Aberdeen Captain who got to breathe the final sigh of relief, as Newcastle finished in a comfortable third, just one point away. The action continued on Sunday 22nd with Newcastle’s sole representative in the individual competition, Michael Savage, competing against the remaining 19 qualifying shooters. Aided by Newcastle’s second perfect card of the weekend, Savage finished a very respectable sixth in the country.

ON TARGET: NUSRC A-Team pose for a photo with their bronze medals. Image: Molly Derbyshire

Sport Monday 10 March 2014 Issue 1288 Free

Sports Editors: Nick Gabriel, Freddie Caldwell and Fran Fitzsimmons | @Courier_Sport

RIFLE TARGET FINALS Podium performance from shooters p.39


Royals ease into quarters

147 HEAVEN Impeccable sporting successes p.36

NOT SUCH A STERN TEST: The Women’s 1st VIII ease ahead of their opponents in the recent BUCS competition at Tyne Head. Image: NUBC

Noisy neighbours spoil Medic 1’s perfect season Division One Medics 1sts


Medic 2nds


David 51

By Nick Gabriel Sports Editor So near, yet so far. Intra Mural football can be quite the unforgiving mistress. Medics first team had their hopes of achieving a perfect season dashed in the cruelest way possible last Wednesday; a headed goal from Medic 2’s centre-half Sid David was enough to earn his side the victory at Cochrane Park, and in doing so ended the 1’s hopes of going the entire Intra Mural season unbeaten. An enthralling contest was ultimately decided just after the game’s interval, as David was on hand to nod home a looped ball back into a crowded penalty area after a corner had only been halfcleared. The shock result sees the Medics 2’s move to within five points of their rivals with two games of their own left to play. The 1’s meanwhile have just the

one game left, that being against winless Larrakins this week. Owing to their far superior goal difference over the 2’s, they will travel to the side who are sitting bottom of the league safe in the knowledge that a point will in all likelihood be enough to secure them the Wednesday Division One crown. The game itself began in frantic fashion. With so much riding on the match, it was unsurprising to see both sides looking a little edgy in the encounter’s opening exchanges, as they were both guilty of giving the ball away cheaply on multiple occasions.

With both outfits struggling to find any telling rhythm, substantive opportunities were largely at a premium for much of the game’s opening period. Dave Edwards and Adam Duckworth both fired over from range for the 1’s. Jonny Haswell and Josh Batham meanwhile were guilty for doing similar for the 2’s. The best chance of the opening 45 fell to the 1’s with just five minutes left to play. Right-winger Rishi Dhand slid to meet a low ball into the box from the left-flank, but his effort was blocked by 2’s keeper Andrew Conley prior to the

The Medic 1’s will travel to Larrakins next week, safe in the knowledge that a point will be enough to secure them the title It was the 1’s who began to look the marginally more likely as the half wore on, aided by the bright start of their number 10 Dan Jones. In spite of showing some promise, on a number of occasions he was however guilty of holding onto the ball for slightly too long when he might have been better shifting the ball on to his better positioned teammates.

ball being hacked clear by a retreating 2’s defender. It was the Medic 2’s however who began the second half with a greater amount of purpose, as they carved out their best opening of the game so far within minutes of the restart; a corner from the left-hand side was headed against the bar from David. In telling fashion, the 1’s failed to learn

Photography: Getty

from the significant let-off however as, from another deadball situation minutes later, David was gifted free-reign of the six yard box yet again. On this occasion, he made no mistake. From a neutral perspective, the goal was exactly what the game needed. Continued on page 38 Anderson Emmerson



Harris Edwards (c)

Huntley Jones


Stamer Duckworth

Hoctor (c)






Dalton (c)


Gardiner Conley



Weather at Whilton Mill provides a challenge for go kart team p.38

The Courier 1288  
The Courier 1288