www.thecourieronline.co.uk Monday 25 November 2013 Issue 1281 Free
The Independent Voice of Newcastle Students
MEN VS MAKEUP A mission to beautify armed with
brushes, blusher and bravado p.19
ARACHNID ASCENT p.33
Est 1948
BUSH TUCKER TRAUMA p.29
Cuts threaten ‘magical’ Moorbank
Image: Friends of Moorbank
By Tanya Nies The future of Moorbank botanical gardens is under threat due to a decision by the University to cut its funding. Although owned by the Freemen of Newcastle, the University has up until now leased the gardens for research purposes. The 90-year-old institution has been used for Biology undergraduate study as well as being a facility for postgraduate and PhD study that has included in-depth research into water loss and dementia. Professor Steve Homans, Pro-ViceChancellor of the SAgE faculty stated it had not been an easy decision. He said: “The primary purpose of Moorbank has
been for the University to conduct plant research, and in recent years we have seen the level of this research reduce considerably. “The running Presently the costs and investneeded to gardens costs ment maintain and de£35,000 a year velop the gardens is substantial and to maintain likely to increase over the next few years.” Homans then added that this did not mean the closure of the garden, as it was now in the hands of the Freemen to decide on the future of Moorbank. He said they would work together with campaigners and the Freemen to try to secure the garden’s future. The biological research facility, which
includes an indoor tropical forest and desert house, is located on Claremont Road. It is open to the public a few days a year but has been used over the last few years for undergraduate study within the School of Biology. Dr Gordon Beakes, a lecturer in the Plant Biology within the School, said: “The sad fact is that in terms of undergraduate teaching it has only played a relatively minor role in recent years. One is always sad to lose a facility such as this.“ A suggestion which was rejected by the Freemen of Newcastle was for the Friends of Moorbank to run the gardens. The Friends have taken care of the garden for the last 10 years. As the garden costs £35,000 a year to main-
tain, this would result in costs for access and parking. However, if run independently, campaigners predict that it cost up to “The Freemen would £70,000. so far have Growing Moorbank (set up by shown no Friends of intention to of- the Moorbank) and fer a new lease SaveNCLBotanic are two camfor buildings fighting to and ground to paigns keep the facility anyone.” open by securing grants and sponsorship. Public meetings to gain support for the campaigns and get a funding plan set for the facility have been held. Dr Mark O’Neill, who has been us-
ing the garden to breed new species of moths, is supporting the campaigners. He stated: “This place is magical, it is a really important North East resource. The £70,000 it would cost to run is nothing compared to the expensive plants here.” Moorbank Group further argued: “The garden has extensive planted grounds, along with exotic collections under glass. All these are in danger of being lost, unless the people of Newcastle save them.” The group fears that the University’s withdrawal might lead to the garden’s flattening. Despite persistent efforts by the Friends of Moorbank, the Freemen so far have shown no intention to offer a new lease for buildings and ground to anyone. Continued on page 4
News
2
Monday 25 November 2013
Sponsor reveals scholarship winners and opens in Toon
HAIYAN AID PARCELS Newcastle alumnus organises aid packages for worst affected areas
COMMENT
10 11
LILY ALLEN RACIST? Single hailed as feminist anthem, but video shamed
SEXUAL FEELINGS
Solution or distraction? Lowering the age of consent
SPORT
36 39
GOAL OF THE YEAR What type of goal should win the title?
TRIUMPHANT TEAM Newcastle destroy Sheffield Hallam 11-0
‘Make your lives a masterpiece, you only get one canvas” - E.A Bucchianeri
France
Publicity stunt
Boston College ‘Stays Classy’
A small college in Boston is to be named ‘Ron Burgundy College of Communication’ for one day. Emerson College is set to welcome the fictional newscaster Ron Burgundy on 04 December. In a press release from the college, Ron Burgundy said: “It’s kind of a big deal.” The publicity stunt comes before the upcoming release of Anchorman 2: The Legend Continues.
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ADIDAS EXPANSION
Wise Words:
In
NEWS
News Editors: Anna Templeton and James Simpson Deputy News Editors: Sabine Kucher courier.news@ncl.ac.uk | @TheCourier_News
m
e h t
thecourieronline.co.uk/news
The Courier
Au naturale news A French weathergirl strips off after losing a bet on France’s world cup qualification hopes. Doria Tiller appeared naked on screen to present the weather after stating she would if France managed to qualify for the 2014 World Cup in Brazil.
Statistics
North-East has least graduates Figures from the Office of National Statistics have shown a steep NorthSouth divide as to number of people participating in higher education. The statistics show that inner London contains 60 percent graduates, which is the highest in the UK. Newcastle and the North East contain the lowest number with only 29 percent. The research has also shown that after Medicine and Dentistry, Media Studies is the most employable degree with 93 percent employability. It also showed that graduates from Russell group universities were to earn £3.93 more than non-Russell group alumni.
James Simpson
Research
Fancy dress blunder
Cheaters want government jobs
A Harvard study has shown that students who cheat are most likely to want a job in government. The study asked students to roll a dice 42 times. They were told to report the numbers and would be paid more for higher numbers. A third reported numbers that were abnormally high. It was reported that the third who cheated were 6.3% more likely to want a job in government. The second task involved splitting money between a charity and themselves. The students who gave least to charity were more likely to want to work in government.
Newsreader fail
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Students from York University have sparked outrage by ‘blacking up’ as the Jamaican bobsleigh team from the popular film Cool Runnings. The controversy came after posting photos to Facebook featuring a cardboard bobsleigh and one member wearing a dreadlock wig. The University described the stunt as “a regrettable series of incidents which fell below the levels of behaviour and respect for others that we encourage in our students”. This stunt follows on from others in the past few weeks including a fancy dress house party with an ‘Africa’ theme as well as the two girls who dressed as the twin towers and went on to win ‘Best Dressed’ at a nightclub.
Natural wonder
News in Briefs
A news broadcaster in Germany was caught out looking at pictures of bikini clad women live on air. The man, Jens Riewa, manages to link the green screen behind him to the bikini photos. Whilst trying to cover up for his blunder he manages to show more of the images. The clip is available to view on You-
York students not so Cool Runnings
Japanese volcano creates new island
Image: Flickr commons
A volcanic eruption has formed a new island off the coast of Japan. The island is approximately 660 feet in diameter. The island is part of the ‘Pacific Ring of Fire’ and regularly experiences earthquakes and eruptions.
Editor George Sandeman Deputy Editor Tom Nicholson Web Editor Ben Brown News Editors Anna Templeton and James Simpson Deputy News Editors Sabine Kucher Comment Editors Lydia Carroll and Joe Wood Deputy Comment Editor Victoria Armstrong Culture Editor Sam Summers Lifestyle Editors Evie O’Sullivan, Elizabeth Archer, Hazel Parnell and Katie Smith Fashion Editors Amy O’Rourke and Frances Stephenson Deputy Fashion Editors Rebekah Finney Beauty Editors Amy Macauley and Safiya Ahmed Arts Editors Millie Walton and Charlie Dearnley Deputy Arts Editor Laura Wotton Film Editors Muneeb Hafiz and Jacob Crompton-Schreiber Music Editors Kate Bennett and Ian Mason TV Editor Beth Durant Deputy TV Editor Helen Daly Science Editor Lizzie Hampson Deputy Science Editors Peter Style and Emad Ahmed Sports Editors Nick Gabriel, Freddie Caldwell and Francesca Fitzsimmons Copy Editors Lucy Davis, Emma Broadhouse and Megan Ayres
Image: YouTube
Crazy Belgians
Let sleeping corpses lie
A widow slept next to the rotting corpse of her husband for nearly a year. The Belgian woman kept her husband in the bed where he had died after suffering an asthma attack. Authorities were alerted when it was realised the couple hadn’t paid their rent since 2012.
Research
Sexual healing? Maybe not A study has shown that casual sex can lead to depression and suicidal thoughts. The study published in the Journal of Sex Research involved over 10,000 American teenagers who were interviewed before and after the age of 18. It showed that 33 percent of men and 24 percent of women were engaging in a casual sex relationship. The lead author of the study said: “This study provides evidence that poor mental health can lead to casual sex, but also casual sex leads to additional declines in mental health.”
The Courier is printed by: Print and Digital Associates, Fernleigh House, 10 Uttoxeter Road, Derby, Derbyshire, United Kingdom, DE3 0DA. Established in 1948, The Courier is the fully independent student newspaper of the Students’ Union at Newcastle University. The Courier is published weekly during term time, and is free of charge. The design, text, photographs and graphics are copyright of The Courier and its individual contributors. No parts of this newspaper may be reproduced without the prior permission of the Editor. Any views expressed in this newspaper’s opinion pieces are those of the individual writing, and not of The Courier, the Students’ Union or Newcastle University.
The Courier
news.3
Monday 25 November 2013
Sacrebleu: Tokyo’s to Paris
EXCLUSIVE
By Sophia McBride Luke Harding was getting a taxi home from a night out in the Tokyo Project nightclub, nicknamed Tokes, in Oldham when he found his passport in his pocket and decided to take an impromptu trip to Paris. Luke, a sheet metal worker and frequent visitor to his friends at Newcastle University, decided to book a last minute 6am flight for £100 using his mobile phone in his inebriated state: “I fancied seeing the Eiffel Tower, always wanted to go to Paris so just thought, ‘Ah balls to it I’ll book it’.” A second year Combined Honours student at Newcastle University was with Luke on the momentous night out in Oldham. When asked if he wanted to comment on his friend’s actions, the Newcastle student, who would like to remain anonymous, replied: that he’s a “I fancied see- “Just fucking idiot, we ing the Eiffel thought he took Tower and himself home, but always wanted he actually got a to go to Paris taxi to terminal ” so just thought three. Although adah balls to it, I’ll mitting that he’s book it!” not one for a quiet night in, Luke added: “I’ve never ended up in a different country.” After almost two hours on-board his Flybe flight from Manchester Airport to Charles De Gaulle Airport, Luke soon sobered up 500 miles away on a toilet in the Parisian airport: “I woke up to the sound of a Frenchman taking a crap in the cubicle next to me and thought, ‘Jesus Christ this is a low point in my life’.” Luke spent the summer travelling in America and recalls one incident in particular: “I was in Las Vegas and met a Vietnamese man called Andy Bruce Lee, ended up going on a bender round Vegas, he was buying me drinks because I wasn’t 21. We ended up back at his place in the middle of nowhere, somewhere in the Mojave Desert, his apartment had no furniture at all, just a sleeping bag on the floor in his front room, was getting a bit freaked out now.” “Anyway he whips out this bag of weed
and vodka and proceeds to get off his nut. In the meantime I’m in the bathroom trying to climb out of the window when he bursts in and says he has ordered two Asian hookers to his apartment for me and him and starts groping
Part Four. It wasn’t all fun and games. The 19-year-old was not too old to get a scolding from his mother: “My mum went mental and said she is locking away my passport and my bags are
my arse. I leg it as fast as I can out if his apartment and find myself stranded in the middle of the Mojave Desert took me hours to get back. Had to be up at 5 to go to the Grand Canyon.” Perhaps Todd Phillips should take note when contemplating The Hangover
packed I have to move in with my dad … but she’s found the funny side of it now.” Never one to shy away from giving his point of view, Luke had some advice for his fellow party animals: “If you do decide to book a spontaneous trip while
drunk, don’t choose Paris. It’s freezing, expensive and full of French people. 3 things that nobody likes!” Reflecting on his adventure, and his
£170 returning flight, Luke added: “It was a laugh, but no, it’s a stupid thing to do. Anything could happen to you so I wouldn’t recommend it.”
“I woke up to the sound of a Frenchman taking a crap in the cubicle next to me and thought, ‘Jesus Christ this is a low point in my life’”
TOKES AMAZEBALLS
Above left: Charles de Gaulle airport where Luke woke up. Left: Luke and friends in Waikiki when he visited Newcastle this year. Right: The snapchat he sent to his friend after the realisation. Images: Flickr commons and Sophia McBride
Toon students most fussed by FOMO By William Ibbott Newcastle residents are more likely to be embroiled by a newly-recognised form of anxiety surrounding social networking sites, a recent study has revealed. The study was conducted by Groupon earlier this year and sampled over 2,000 participants. It explored the widespread state of anxiety many suffer due to frequent, or incessant, use of social media in order to keep abreast on the happenings of friends and foes alike. Perhaps this is best described by the advent of the now commonly-used acronym ‘FOMO’ (Fear of Missing Out
Syndrome), which, more alarming still, featured in the latest edition of the Oxford English Dictionary. The official research report, which includes comment from prominent broadcaster and journalist Cherry Healey, lists Newcastle as one of the hotspots when weighed up against the national average. In the study, 22 percent of Newcastle residents participating in the research admitted to using social media to regularly splay their antics and interests, with over a quarter (27 percent) admitting to using social networking websites with the ill motive of making those around them feel jealous. This proves to be immediately effective, but also indicative
of the common misuse of social media by many, as 22 percent self-diagnosed with FOMO syndrome, while almost half of those The nation taking part in the should be study (47 percent) using FOMO in Newcastle, confessed to their envy as a reason others’ activities to make their of online. lives more Other UK cities exciting and were shown to be just as hard-hit in varied the report. Manchester, Bristol and Edinburgh stood alongside Newcastle as British urban centres most concerned with maintain-
ing an online presence, whereas inhabitants Belfast, Nottingham, Cardiff and Birmingham remain cooler under the collar. While many may feel isolated and jealous of the activities posted by those around them online, many also feel propelled to ‘up the ante’ and try something new. The report indicates that new experiences and adventure have quashed material goods as the new ‘must haves’, with holidays to faraway places and learning new skills trumping the list. Almost a quarter of participants (23 percent) stated that their friends and family perceive new experiences as the most desirable thing to obtain in this
day and age. Roy Blanga, Managing Director for Groupon UK, said: “It’s important that people don’t let other’s Facebook or Twitter updates get them down. The nation should be using FOMO as a reason to make their lives more exciting and varied, particularly as 14 percent of those in Newcastle say that sharing unique experiences with family and friends improves relationships.” “Instead of spending hours online envying others, why not use mobile apps and websites to find inspiration.” “With so many great ideas at our fingertips it’s easy to find free exhibitions, or deals for theatre tickets, comedy gigs or even holidays.”
4.news
Monday 25 November 2013
The Courier
Adidas expand on campus and in Toon By Victoria Armstrong Adidas, in partnership with the University, have revealed the recipients of their new sports scholarships which are part of their new involvement in Newcastle University. Emerging at the top of over 80 applications for the scholarships, steeplechaser Emily Stewart and rugby player Will Witty are set to receive a variety of support from these one-year scholarships,
was delighted with the support Adidas was giving to their students for sports. Upon receiving his scholarship, Will Witty stated: “I am extremely happy to be sponsored by such a large company like Adidas and feel like the training aids and equipment provided through the sponsorship will really help me to push on to reach my goals”. Emily Stewart echoed similar sentiments, commenting: “I’m delighted to receive Adidas’ support in my efforts to achieve my potential in athletics. The fact that Adi-
“Adidas will also establish themselves by opening a new store in Eldon Square”
PLAY BALL Adidas’ two sports scholarships will provide support for top Uni athletes every year of the new partnership Image: Rachel King
which are the first Adidas have introduced in any university. As well as receiving considerable financial support, these athletes will receive top quality sports kits, technical support and coaching access. They will also get expert coaching from Adidas athletes such as Irish centre Brian O’Driscoll and Olympian Jessica Ennis-Hill, who was recently at Newcastle University as part of Adidas’ dodgeball event. Nick Craggs, Adidas UK’s brand director, stated adidas was excited by the sporting talent exhibited by the University’s students and looked forward to working with Emily and Will. Colin Blackburn, Newcastle University’s Director of Sport, also commented with enthusiasm, stating that the University
das has shown belief in me is such an encouragement. I am really grateful and look forward to a strong partnership”. Newcastle University is already known for its sporting talent, ranking in the top ten universities in Britain for student sport. The scholarships are hoped to enhance this reputation, providing invaluable support every year. In addition to the scholarships, Adidas is also providing funding to assist sports coaching and the Athletics Union. Alongside its new connection with our University, Adidas will firmly establish itself in Newcastle with the opening of a new store in Eldon Square. The official opening is set to take place on 29 November and will be only the eighth stand-alone store that Adidas has in the UK.
“This place is magical, it is a really important North East resource”
Continued from the front page Furthermore, they do not want the Friends of Moorbank to continue working on the grounds after the closure of the botanical garden. The Freemen stated that the plan of the Friends was “aspirational” but without substance. “We have asked to meet the Freemen but we’ve just been ignored and our correspondence goes unanswered,” said Eileen Killing, leader of the Friends’ campaign, explaining how the several attempts to get into contact with the Freemen were ignored. “they [Freemen In a statement rethe posof Newcastle] garding sible partnership do not have the with Friends of Moorbank, the expertise for said: the rare collec- Freeman “We don’t need tions” a third party. We manage 1,000 acres of the Town Moor which is accessible to the public, so managing this site would hardly be a problem for us”. David Wilson, vice chairman of the Freemen, also confirmed that the heating would be turned off in the glasshouses. When asked for comment, the Freemen refused to speak to The Courier. The Freemen will run Moorbank on a care and maintenance basis, as they do not have the expertise for the rare collections. A member of Friends of Moorbank said: “I am devastated by the fact that the tropical and desert houses will be ‘damaged’ by the removal of the rare and specialist plants in the coming
weeks, which will have a major effect on the garden.” “The future of the outdoor garden and glasshouses at Moorbank will remain uncertain until after the University leave on the 30th of November since the Freemen intend to formulate our plans once we have taken possession of the site”. On their Facebook page, Friends of Moorbank posted: “As such, no decisions about what will happen at Moorbank can be made until the University depart and the Freemen can assess the site. “The University has been very poor at providing information to the Freemen about what is being left there and the state of the facilities.” It went on to say that the Freemen “have been explicit that the utilities will be left switched on, and they will care for the plants as best they can”, which is in conflict to what has previously been said. School of Biology Taught representative Caitlin-Jade Oliver told The Courier: “It would be a shame if Moorbank were to close as it houses some really interesting plant species which have been cultivated there since 1923. It’s unlikely that these would be ‘rehomed’ but rather destroyed if the centre were to shut down. The plants are used by Newcastle University staff and students across a range of disciplines for research purposes.” She went on to say “It would be sad to lose a place that is obviously an important asset to the community and has fantastic educational potential”.
The Courier
news.5
Monday 25 November 2013
Real-life genie service grants wishes By Holly Abbotson Jinn, an on-demand delivery service that enables its customers to receive ‘anything’ they want within the hour, has been launched in Newcastle. The founders of Jinn, Leon Herrera, Mario Navarro and Joseba Mendivil, are from Madrid and Bilbao in Spain, and came to Newcastle to partake in a startup acceleration program, Ignite100. This mentorship-led program offers up to £100,000 per team, alongside office space, travel and workshops. Leon, Mario and Joseba have recently graduated from university in the USA and decided to embark on a new business together in England. They noticed a gap in the market with standard de-
“Probably our weirdest orders have been a soldering iron and capacitors” livery services that usually take days to deliver an item. “We had been thinking for a long time that it would be cool to have a delivery service in real time, unlike Amazon or Ebay, because we always found ourselves wanting to buy basic stuff and not having time for it.” Their delivery service includes ‘anything’: this could be food from McDonalds, Nandos, Subway, or any restaurant that doesn’t have its own delivery service; groceries from any supermarket; items for your house such as duvet covers, swivel chairs, mirrors; or last minute tickets for events and parties. If
YOUR WISH IS THEIR COMMAND The Jinn team delivering pumpkins on Halloween. They promise to deliver any requests within an hour Image: Jinn
you have forgotten your laptop charger, they will deliver it to you. “Probably our weirdest orders have been a soldering iron and capacitors, coloured contacts, or a safety pin for a shirt (top button went off ).” The word ‘jinn’ is an Arabic word which is the root of the English word, hence their genie lamp logo branding. Jinn are a real-life genie service; you can ‘wish’ for anything and get it delivered to you for a fee of £4.95. “Whenever you are time-strapped, or just feeling lazy, you could get some sort of personal helper or assistant (our genies) to deliver it to you. And that is how Jinn was born!” Jinn are a fairly new company, but they have a lot of plans for the future. They want to keep growing in Newcastle and eventually they aim to expand their services to other major cities in the UK. At the moment, Jinn are running trials with fifteen bicycle couriers, both amateur and professional, who take care of the orders received and deliver it to the customer. Currently, you can place your order via their Facebook page – www.facebook.com/jinnapp – but soon they will be releasing an iPhone and Android app to order your desired items simply on your phone. Payment details would be recorded so customers would not need to carry cash or take out their card. Follow Jinn on twitter to keep up to date with their developments – www.twitter.
Include the code “TheCourierJinn“ in your next order to get 50% off your delivery fee. Available until 29 November 2013.
Lecturers warned over working to contract By David Leighton The University has emailed employees to warn that working to contract constituted a “breach of contract” and this entitled them to withhold “100 percent of pay”. The pay dispute between the University and its staff remains unresolved, UNISON, Unite and UCU have confirmed their members will be striking again on December 3. Members of EIS (Educational Institute of Scotland) are set to join the strike, unless the conflict surrounding the 1% pay rise offered to staff and support staff comes to a resolution. The previous strike at the end of October is said to have affected one hundred and forty nine universities, with support services such as catering, cleaning and security affected alongside academic departments. UCU’s head of higher education, Michael MacNeil stated: “Staff have suffered year-on-year cuts in the value of their pay and have made it clear enough is enough”. Since November 1, members of the University have been working exactly to contract and have not been working unpaid overtime as a form of protest. Union reps say they “remain committed to trying to resolve this dispute”, whilst stating “Employers now have until December 3 to sit down and positively engage with unions”. However they have warned that “If they don’t then our members and those from our sister un-
ions will be out on strike again, as well as continuing to work to contract”. A spokesperson for Newcastle University told The Courier: “The University is very clear that it will not accept partial performance of a contract”, saying that withholding payment from staff members would be “a last resort”, and would only happen “where there had been a clear breach of their contract”. Staff members of the University of Wales Trinity have been given a similar warning prior to their own strike. The University has also stated that: “[Our] stu“The Univerdents expect a sity is very clear high standard us”, which that it will not from goes a long way to accept partial suggest that any performance of payment withheld would be a contract” completely fair as “the University cannot accept anything which has a detrimental impact on the teaching experience”. The Courier spoke to several staff member who all wished to remain anonymous. One lecturer commented: “We don’t want the students to feel this is about money, it’s more than that – [I] didn’t get into teaching for the money”. NUS President Toni Pearce said: ”Our own research shows that more than half of UK universities pay at least some of their staff less than the living wage. It is those on lower wages such as porters, cleaners and kitchen staff who have already lost out in the pay squeeze”.
SECOND STRIKE
In light of strike action planned for December 3, lecturers have been warned about working to their contracted hours Image: Wikimedia Commons
6.news
Monday 25 November 2013
The Courier
Medic scoops award for inventive app By Antonia Velikova Fourth year Newcastle University medical student Stuart Maitland, has been pronounced Britain’s Top Real Role Model (BTRRM) for 2013 – a competition run by direct selling company Amway. The young entrepreneur gained the title by presenting his medical app company, mHealthful, and won a prize of £5000. “I’m still over the moon to have come on top,” Stuart said in an interview with The Courier. “It was a very difficult and challenging competition.” In the BTRRM competition, Stuart faced some of the leading young entrepreneurs in Britain and their ideas. “I submitted a short outline of why I thought I should win the competition and why my idea was worth all that effort,” Stuart recalls, “after that my proposal went public and people could nominate me for the award. I got 500 nominations, which was very kind, which put me on the shortlist. This meant my project was going to the judges.” Sheryl Franklin-Worth, Corporate Affairs Manager at Amway UK and one of the 2013 judges commented: “There were some highly credible entries to the competition this year. I am thrilled that the campaign can inspire a generation of young entrepreneurs and Stuart is a real role model for enterprise. His work ethic and what he strives to achieve with mHealthful really reflects Amway’s goal
of inspiring a change in enterprise. A thoroughly deserving winner!” Stuart’s company specialises in creating medical apps for patients and medical professionals. Their first venture is an app called UniWikis, a collaborative medical education website and a mobile application, which is mainly aimed at medical students. “We’ve already had over 3,000 downloads of this app,” Stuart said. “It’s only available for Android right now, but an iPhone version of the app will be developed very soon. UniWikis enables medical students to learn and teach each other, and to share their notes. It has already been rolled out in Newcastle and the majority of medical students here are using it.” When asked what was next for him now, Stuart said: “I’m quite keen to use the prize fund for marketing. Telling people about mHealthful and the benefits of medical apps. People often don’t realize that an app can actually help you and make you better. So we really want to shout this from the rooftops and sort of tell everyone about it.” mHealthful’s future plans include developing apps that would not only be useful for medical students and doctors, but for patients as well. Stuart also had a word of advice: “Anyone doing any kind of business activity – just give it a go! There will be people there to help you develop your idea, they will work with you, and you will get the experience to make your business idea work.”
ROLE MODEL Stuart’s app is aimed at improving the sharing of notes for medical students. He hopes to develop an app to help doctors and patients in the future Image: HousePR
The Courier
news.7
Monday 25 November 2013
Aid to help those affected by Haiyan By Anna Templeton News Editor James O’Donovan, a final year medical student, has been working on a project to send aid packages to help people affected by Typhoon Haiyan in the Philippines. The Newcastle student was awarded a Kennedy Scholarship to study at Harvard University this year and is currently organising his venture from the US. The aid packages are being sent to a small community of people in Cebu. He set up a donation page online with
Chancellor’s Award for Outstanding Personal Achievement at last Tuesday’s ncl+ Awards. The fourth year medic also won the award for Entrepreneurial Spirit as the University and Students’ Union formally recognised his extracurricular contributions. To help fund his aid packages, James approached various corporate businesses around the Boston region to try and leverage some support. He tried to acquire as many free items as possible before purchasing the rest from a wholesaler in Boston. The final cost of each parcel was $7.50.
“It’s sometimes easy to forget how lucky we are as students in the UK and the US” an initial intention to raise $500, which would fund 100 parcels. James spoke to The Courier and explained how “within five hours of the page going live we had hit this target. Over the next few days we kept hitting the new targets and within three days we had raised over $2000 largely due to amazing support from friends and individuals who retweeted the link to our giving page.” By contacting aid agencies such as the Red Cross and MSF (Médecins Sans Frontières), it became clear what items would be appropriate to send. James and his team came up with a final list of what should be included in each parcel. He was advised to pick mainly dried, high energy foods, oral rehydration sachets and basic medicines. “I also decided to include a signed greetings card from each person who donated a parcel, to add a personal touch,” he said. Last year, James was awarded the Vice
James, and his group of volunteers made up of graduate students from Harvard, packed over 200 parcels. They used FedEx to ship to the Phillippines and arrived in the country last Friday. Local aid agency workers distributed the aid packages. When asked about why he felt the cause was so vital, James said: “I think it’s hugely important to engage with issues such as this not only to raise awareness about important global issues but also provide practical support to people that have been affected by natural disasters. A small gesture such as this can make the world of difference to these people and it’s sometimes easy to forget how lucky we are as students in the UK and US.” The final amount raised on Sunday 17 November was $2810 but the team are still accepting donations, which will go towards long term development.
HELPING HAND The aid packages contain high energy food, rehydration sachets and basic medicines Image: James O’Donovan
www.gofundme.com/5874eg
I like to ride my bicycle... through the night By David Leighton Between the 13th and 14th of November several brave participants held a twenty four hour cyclothon to help raise awareness for the Anthony Nolan Charity outside the Students’ Union. Despite the chilly temperatures the brave volunteers pushed on to cycle through the day and through the night in shifts of two hours each. There was also a clinic held at Haymarket from 10:30 until 3:30 on 16 November that helped students (and whoever wanted to join) to help sign up to the bone marrow register. The The Anthony Newcastle branch Nolan Charity recently won a Marrow manages one National AGM award due of the largest to raising £29,000 donor registers last year. The society in the world holds clinics all year round but the cyclothon is held once a year, so if you feel like cycling to save the world (or you just like to cycle) search ‘Bike for Marrow’ on Facebook and participate in the “Coast to Coast” challenge on the 29th-30th of March. There will be approximately one hundred cyclists cycling from Whitehaven to Tynemouth to raise money for the Anthony Nolan Charity. The idea was thought up by a group
ON YER BIKE
The Anthony Nolan Chairty worked with The Courier on the #Match4Martin campaign to help find a donor for Martin Soloman Image: Marrow
of medical students in Nottingham in 1998 after the death of a close friend to leukaemia and has since spread to other universities. There are now around 34 different branches in the UK (including Newcastle) and the group is looking to diversify into the various countries of Europe. The society works with The Anthony Nolan Charity to work towards the aim of giving every student in the country a chance to help save someone’s life by joining the bone marrow register. The Anthony Nolan Charity manages one of the largest registers of ‘potential bone marrow donors’ in the world, with a list of over four hundred thousand people – in fact at any one time the group can be searching for donors for over seven thousand patients worldwide. The Anthony Nolan Charity worked on last year’s campaign #Match4Martin, which tried to find a bone marrow match for biomedical science student Martin Soloman. Their efforts led to hundreds of people signing up to the bone marrow donor register and they became a fixture on campus. This year’s cyclothon raised £1,135 in a single day.
Want to get involved? info@newcastlemarrow.co.uk www.newcastlemarrow.com
8.nationalstudentnews
Monday 25 November 2013
NUS investigate student carers By Kathryn Riddell The National Union of Students (NUS) has published the first ever national research into student carers. The report highlights several issues that are faced by student carers including a lack of support from educational institutions. The research, gathered between November 2012 and April 2013, consisted mainly of semi-structured interviews with 36 student carers. The participants were asked about their dual experience of being a student and a carer, and how this has affected their lives inside and outside of education. The research found that many student carers have struggled to balance their responsibilities. Only 36 percent of stu-
Job Title: Checkouts Assistant Employer: Tesco Closing date: 28.11.2013 Salary: To be confirmed Basic job description: A Checkouts Assistant is required to work 6.25 hours per week (Shift Pattern: Sun 10:00 - 16:15) at the Tesco store in Kingston Park, Newcastle. Working on the checkouts, you will need to have great communication skills, topped with a passion to deliver a great service to our customers, so that each customer feels that they have had a great shopping experience. Person requirements: We are looking for helpful and friendly people who can work well in teams and have a positive approach to helping and supporting colleagues no matter how challenging. Location: Newcastle upon Tyne. Job Title: Midday Supervisor Employer: Northumberland County Council Closing date: 27.11.2013 Salary: £1,404 - £1,550 per annum Basic job description: A Midday Supervisor is required to work 5 hours per week at Bedlington Station Primary School in Bedlington, Northumberland. In this role you will care for the children during the midday break. Key Responsibilities will include supervising pupils in the dining hall, playground areas and school premises, ensuring the maintenance of good order and discipline and dealing with accidents and incidents in accordance with school procedures. Person requirements: The successful candidate will need to demonstrate that they are kind, caring, fair, good fun and committed to ensuring that the children have safe, healthy and happy lunchtimes! Applicants should also be committed to team working in a positive and caring environment. An enhanced criminal records check is required for this post. Location: Bedlington. Job Title: Food and Beverage Team Member Employer: Holiday Inn Closing date: 29.11.2013 Salary: To be confirmed. Basic job description: A Food and Beverage Team Member is required to work 16 hours per week at the Holiday Inn in Washington, Sunderland. As a member of the Food and Beverage team, you will ensure that all guests are served to the company brand standards in our Restaurant, Bar
dent carers felt able to balance commitments such as work, study, and family relationships, compared to 53 percent of students without caring responsibilities. More than half of student carers (56 percent) had seriously considered leaving their course, compared to 39 percent of those without caring responsibilities. Student carers are also more likely to face financial difficulties, compared to the general student body. Two thirds of student carers indicated that they regularly worry about not having enough money to meet their basic living expenses, compared to 56 percent of students without caring responsibilities. Student carers are also at higher risk for low well-being, with 15 percent of student carers interviewed indicating that they had mental health difficulties.
Student carers also reported receiving varying degrees of support from their institutions, but in all cases there was a lack of coordinated, systematic support. One female participant aged 22 said: “I think the main problem is the lack of understanding from my tutors and lecturers. I’ve had some that have been great and understanding and I’ve had some that can’t really see the problem.” However, benefits of being a student carer were also identified, including an identity outside of caring. One female student carer aged 55 said: “The best part has to be that it gives me a sense of worth, that I am doing something for me and my future.” The report concludes with recommendations for action, including a need for coordinated support from universities.
and Lounge areas. You will ensure that the highest standards of hospitality and welcome are demonstrated at all times within all food and beverage areas. You must also maintain high standards of cleanliness in the food and beverage areas and you may also assist in conference and banqueting if required. Person requirements: The successful Food and Beverage Team Member must be able to demonstrate that they can communicate effectively, carry out instructions and be able to pay close attention to detail. Location: Sunderland.
approach are qualities which will help you thrive in this fast paced and fun environment. Being able to work closely with others and the ability to build rapport and naturally engage and interact with all sorts of people, are essential. Location: Sunderland.
Job Title: Retail Adviser Employer: Vodafone Closing date: 15.12.2013 Salary: £8.41 per hour Basic job description: A Retail Adviser is required to work 16 hours per week at the Vodafone store in the Metrocentre, Gateshead. As a Retail Adviser it’s all about connecting with your customer. You’ll chat. You’ll ask questions. You’ll listen. And then you’ll explain exactly what products, services and tariffs are right for that particular person. Person requirements: Personality is key. You need to be the sort of person who can talk to anyone – and explain even complicated technical information simply. You won’t need to be a phone expert. But you will need to be a fast learner, with lots of enthusiasm and positivity. You just want to get better and better, delighting every customer and exceeding your sales targets. Location: Gateshead. Job Title: Restaurant Assistant Employer: Debenhams Closing date: 30.11.2013 Salary: £ 6.31 per hour Basic job description: A Restaurant Assistant is required to work part-time hours at the Debenhams store in Sunderland. Our Restaurant Assistants use their product knowledge to promote our fantastic menu – whether that is breakfast or brunch, a coffee and a cake, a hearty lunch or afternoon tea. When preparing food, at the tills, hosting customers or clearing away, they strive to deliver the best possible service to their customers and colleagues at every opportunity. Person requirements: A strong attention to detail through ensuring high standards of food presentation, cleanliness, and keeping our restaurants immaculate and inviting is vital. Equally, an ability to demonstrate initiative and a flexible and multi-tasking
Job Title: Lunchtime Supervisor Employer: North Tyneside Council Closing date: 31.12.2013 Salary: £10,675 - £11,589 per annum, pro rata, term time only Basic job description: A Lunchtime Supervisor is required to work 8 hours per week at Marden High School in North Shields. In this role you will be responsible for securing the safety, welfare and good conduct of pupils during the midday break period, in accordance with the practices and procedures of the school. Person requirements: The ability to develop good relationships with children and to work with them to promote high standards of behaviour and co-operation, the ability to form a good working relationship with teachers and Senior Midday Supervisor and follow instructions and objectives for the class and the ability to work in a changing environment in a flexible way. Location: North Shields. Job Title: Conference and Events Porter Employer: Marriott Hotels Closing date: None given – Apply asap Salary: Competitive Basic job description: A Conference and Events Porter is required to work part-time hours at the Marriott Hotel in Gosforth Park, Newcastle. In this role you will set up function rooms and complete final breakdown of function, by cleaning the room, and cleaning and returning equipment to its proper location. Person Requirement: We are looking for people who possess good team working and customer service skills. You will also need to be dependable and have a positive demeanour. Location: Newcastle upon Tyne.
The Courier
VC boosts Students international scoop video game award presence Cardiff University
De Montford University
Cardiff Vice-Chancellor Colin Riordan has led a high-level delegation to China in an attempt to enhance the university’s international presence. During the week-long visit, the delegates visited Peking, Capital Medical (CMU), and Hong Kong Universities. Achievements of Cardiff alumni were celebrated and appreciated. Meetings with Welsh business leaders, based in Hong Kong, were also on the agenda of the tour. An Honorary Fellowship was awarded to Professor Yang Wei, President of the National Science Foundation of China. In turn, the Vice-Chancellor of Cardiff University was awarded an Honorary Professorship by Peking University and made an International Adviser by Capital Medical University (CMU). The award was given at a presentation ceremony held in the Great Hall of the People in Beijing.
Students from De Montfort University have won a top award at Europe’s biggest video game festival. Game Art Design students Chelsea Lindsay, Luc Fontenoy, Dan Hargreaves, Joe Dempsey, Daniel Peacock and Dom Bell were crowned the winners of the ‘Off the Map’ competition at the GameCity festival. Sponsored by the British Library and video game company Crytek, the competition required the students to build an interactive gaming environment inspired by the library’s historic cartographic map collection. The DMU students based their design on the streets lost in the Great Fire of London, which proved to be a winning idea. The team, named Pudding Lane Productions, fought off fierce competition from ten other universities to scoop the top prize and their YouTube video has gained over 200,000 views.
Body Graduate found in prospects public park hopeful University of Surrey
Kingston University
Students of the University of Surrey were shocked to hear the news of the death of a student in his late teens. The student, who was a first-year undergraduate studying Biomedical Sciences at the University of Surrey, was found on 6 November, at 1:30pm in the woodlands next to Manor Park residences. He is believed to have taken his own life. The family of the deceased were informed immediately and they requested that the his identity was not released to the public whilst they were grieving. The tragic incident happened during the university’s Mental Health Week, a week-long event designed to raise awareness of mental illness and removing the stigma attached to it. The news caused distress with the students of the University of Surrey, some of which believed there was a third party involved in the death of the student.
Kingston University students expect to earn an average of £49,370 a year in 20 years’ time, a campus survey has shown. However, according to a nationwide poll by Societe Generale, the average British student expects to earn double that amount after graduation. According to Kingston students’ answers, money is not the most important thing they should be striving for. Some of them are very keen to start their own business and work their way to the top. However, the situation differs: for some students, it was exactly the financial side that attracted them to apply to Kingston in the first place. In their first graduate job, KU students expected to earn an average of £22,270. The typical salary after university ranges from £18,000 to £24,000, the Higher Education Careers Service Unit (HECSU) found in 2012.
Images: Flickr Commons
Antonia Velikova
Comment The Courier
.9
Monday 25 November 2013
thecourieronline.co.uk/comment
Comment Editors: Joe Wood and Lydia Carroll Deputy Comment Editor: Victoria Armstrong courier.comment@ncl.ac.uk | @Courier_Comment
KEEP CALM
IT’S JUST A RIDE Image: Kevin M. Gill
The world might sometimes seem like the product of a dog’s nether regions,Image: butKevin never M. Gill fear: there are great stories about normal people doing good to be found all around
Joe Wood
H
ave you ever come to the conclusion that the world is terrible and everyone in it is some twisted psychotic sadist, debased drug dealing gangster or even, most heinous of all, Simon Cowell? Well you are not to blame; for it is what we are told day after day. It is a portrayal of the world that we are continually force fed by the media. And no wonder. What sells? Well sex, death and all the gossip in between of course. We humans are, whether you like it or not, animals. We are no more and no less animal than the lions or gazelles you see on Africa, caught in a tenuous fight for life. Thus, inherent in every person is that same sensation of fear that keeps you alert and alive in the wild. Why mention this? Well in part, I have a near unhealthy obsession with David Attenborough and I’ll plug anything he does. In fact, whilst I’m writing this I’m watching an episode of Life where a baby orangutan is falling repeatedly as it tries to climb a tree and I’m loving every bit of it. Really though, I mention this because it is this fear that keeps you alive in the wild which can cripple you with a false sense of reality in the 21st century. We hear stories of bad people doing bad things
What’s Jarthur Jabbering?
“Hey Mickey. You are not very good.” Jack Parker
and we get scared. We react to those stories because our nature as humans lets us empathise and even makes us feel that we are in direct danger from what we seWe. We can’t help it; it’s what makes us human. Yet, it is this aspect of humanity that sensationalist media plays on. We hear about the bad things in life because when we are confronted by such stories we react emotively. And so the cycle continues. Now let me tell you a story which might make you feel slightly more optimistic about humanity. About two weeks ago my girlfriend and I had gotten at West Jesmond Metro station after an evening in the Toon. How was my evening you ask? Splendid, thanks. Well we’d reached Tesco and were sat on the bench by the cash machine (apologies to any Heatoners and Fenham inhabitants not used to Jesmondian geography). On the other side of the road, a man - I would guess in his 70s - was crossing over to our side. He was walking with a cane and was evidently unstable. As he was crossing he fell, face first on to the floor. We immediately rushed over to him and all around people quickly came over to help. He was very dazed and had blood over his face and beard (he had an incredible beard). Between my girlfriend, another guy and myself we managed to help carry him over to the bench we had been sat on. Another group of girls called up an ambulance and one other guy had gone into Tesco to buy a pack of tissues to clear the blood from his face. I sat down with him to help keep him propped up while people formed a circle around the bench, all concerned for this stranger’s well-being. He kept apologising, as if he was an inconvenience to us, and everyone unanimously reassured him how he
What he said:
Some of the things said in this rap can be mistaken for homophobic slurs and I assure you homophobia is something I do not believe in.
What he meant:
This rap of mine is full of homophobic slurs, because this is by definition a diss track. I’m sure my many, many gay friends won’t mind!
shouldn’t be sorry for anything; we all just wanted to help him. We asked him his name and he told us it was Mark. We told Mark he could rely on us to help him (as much as one can rely on a random assortment of bewildered students). Well I can gladly say that an ambulance arrived in full haste and Mark was taken away in good-care. It was obviously quite shocking to see someone hurt like that and everyone present was equally concerned having seen what happened. But what struck me was just that: everyone cared so much about someone whom they knew nothing about. All the people there, in the goodness of their hearts
Sure, the world sometimes looks like it’s going down the sh*tter. When hasn’t it? went out of their way to help Mark. All the time people are doing good things, not for themselves but for others. Sure, the world sometimes looks like it’s going to the shitter. When hasn’t it? There are always going to be bad people doing bad things, there will probably always be wars and there will always be corruption in the world. Hell, that’s why they call it the weekend! But those things are not indicative of humanity; they are at odds with it. Bill Hicks, one of the greatest comedians to have
What he said:
#LOVE to my fans but I’m coming off twitter for good. HQ will be doing all my tweets from now on. PEACE!
What he meant:
Love all of my fans (not in like, a gay way or anything #ladiesshowjamesarthuryourboobs) Anyway, I’ve got my people running this now, my PA, PR, the lawyers, my mam...
graced the stage and one of my ultimate idols, put it clearly. In one of his final sets before his death, he eloquently portrayed life as simply an experience and something to rejoice in. “It’s just a ride, and we can change it any time we want. It’s only a choice. Just a choice, right now, between fear and love. The eyes of fear want you to put bigger locks on your door, buy bigger guns, close yourself off. The eyes of love, instead, see all of us as one.” Look at the typhoon in the Philippines or the war in Syria. They are examples of horrendous tragedy and the latter one an example of the rare, but existent, despicable shade of human nature. It is this story of tragedy that we are shown by all forms of media and there is an unquestionable need to report on such events. But what of groups such as Medecins Sans Frontiers or Red Cross who, behind the scenes, are saving lives and doing all they can to help others in these places? Well no, that’s not news. It’s not news because it’s happening all the time, all over the world and will continue regardless. From nurses in the UK and aid workers in Haiti, to Aung San Suu Kyi fighting for democracy for the people of Burma, to some random group of students helping out a guy who really needs their help or even a baby orangutan just being unbelievably loveable, there is good on this little blue dot we call Earth. So be aware of the hardships and wrongdoings in the world. It is only through knowing these that we can do anything to improve the world we live in. But, do not despair because on this ride there already is, always has been and hopefully always will be normal people doing good.
What he said:
Anyone watch the #xfactor tonight? I hear there were some great performances!
What he meant:
I’m just trying to change the subject now. I’m sure the X Factor will put me out of everyone’s minds for a bit. #Phew.
10.comment
SOAP BOX
Monday 25 November 2013
The Courier
Lily Allen: The racist feminist?
Lily Allen’s lampooning of the music industry has been hailed by some as a feminist anthem, but does it contribute to a culture of sexism and racism?
CYCLISTS Cycling is a great way to get around and keep fit, with the aim of living as long as possible. Not, however, if you are a pedestrian on Newcastle’s campus, where your life expectancy is significantly reduced by careless cyclists racing around like they own the tarmac; the cretins. Why must you cyclists career through the tunnel to the Robinson Library? You don’t understand that it’s a dark, enclosed space where you cannot just weave through your fellow walking folk, especially if you don’t ring your bell, you know, that little thing on your handlebars designed to warn people that you’re coming? You’ll frighten people a lot less if you rang it, rather than racing past them or suddenly cutting them off. Even better, why not get off your bike and push it when on campus? You wouldn’t ride your horse around campus; you would dismount, like a sensible human being. Next time you try to tread on someone’s toes with your tyres on campus, remember that pavements and paved areas are for PEDESTRIANS. Just get off your bike and walk. Jack Parker
ACCENTS A Cumbrian teacher has been instructed by her Berkshire secondary school to lose her accent and sound ‘more southern’ after an Ofsted inspection. The only word I can offer in response to this is ‘ludicrous’. In a time where Britons frequent and settle in every part of our great Isles, advertisers employ northern voices to increase product and company appeal, and standard RP English is spoken by less than 3% of us; how does this even happen? Is this a digression back into the dark ages of prescriptivist snobbery? Or is there just one sour fairy of the south, attempting to quash the friendly northern accent and the positive connotations it has acquired? Either way, the mass outrage to the news in the press couldn’t be more just. It’s hardly as if the victim of all this is actually incomprehensibleand even if she were, how exactly does one go about changing their accent? Accents are things to be proud of; they make us unique and form a part of our identities. Nobody has the right to lessen them. Freddie Watson
AUSTEN-ITY Isn’t it ironic that in a time of “austerity” we are seeing a new banknote with Jane Austen’s face on it? She’s a writer that concerned herself with “sensibility” and feeling with the heart. Putting Jane Austen on a banknote while the Tory’s are in power; it’s laughable. Not that you’ll be seeing any of them because Cameron is pretty determined that poor people should remain as poor as possible… forever. But let’s not get side-tracked, why is it that she has been airbrushed to look 40% less like herself? Heaven knows, but I know it just won’t be the same without her fierce intellectual gaze, or her hair that looks like it could strangle you to death in an instant. Is it just me that thinks it strange we live in a society so obsessed with appearance, that when celebrating an (apparently, unattractive) national icon we have to use an image that wasn’t even around during her lifetime - because she’s “too ugly”? Why are we airbrushing national icons? It truly boggles the mind. David Leighton
Grace Brown
I
t’s been four years on hiatus for Lily Allen and her mockney medleys, but she’s definitely not shy of coming back with a bang. Since the release of ‘Hard Out Here’ last Tuesday she’s been hailed as the saviour of modern feminism just to have her new title ripped away when people noticed her video’s a bit, er, racist. The video starts with Lily on an operating table, with a suited PR man leaning over her, barking insults and missed interview opportunities. On a screen above the table scantily clad dancers gyrate - to which Lily rolls her eyes. Yet after telling us all how she “don’t need to shake my ass for you ‘cause I’ve got a brain” she joins the dancers, but something doesn’t feel right. Just as Robin Thicke sparked outrage by having naked women dancing around him and Pharrell in ‘Blurred Lines’, and Miley caused controversy by using the black female body as a prop in her video for ‘We Can’t Stop’ and in her VMA performance, so too has Lily Allen. By reducing the women in her video to bodies to be laughed at, she’s upholding the patriarchal stand-
MP for Barking announces intention to stand for Mayor of London, despite concerns over his political pedigree
Image: Matt512
ards she’s attempting to bring down. Rihanna’s video for ‘Pour it Up’ features much more naked flesh and twerking than ‘Hard Out Here’ does, but unlike Lily’s video the dancers in Rihanna’s, combined with the complete lack of male gaze, are empowered women showing off female sexuality and skill, not just background dancers being poked fun at and called stupid. But that’s something Lily hasn’t seemed to understand; being ironically sexist or racist is still sexist and racist. If
she’d wanted to make a feminist anthem about the sexualisation and exploitation of women in entertainment industries, why not surround herself with fully clothed women, or even naked twerking men? After the backlash caused in the days following the release of ‘Hard Out Here’, Lily issued a statement claiming her video has “nothing to do with race, at all” which, if anything, only made matters
worse. Trying to claim colour blindness is reductive, and by failing to see the problems present in her video Lily makes herself the poster child of white privilege. But Lily isn’t the first white feminist to ignore the exploitation of black women; Caitlin Moran, author of ‘How to be a Woman’, said that she “literally couldn’t give a shit about” the lack of representation of any women of colour in the award winning TV show ‘Girls’, created by the equally talented and equally problematic Lena Dunham. And yes, whilst it is a good thing that these women are in the mainstream promoting feminist ideas, and winning awards for it, they’re also helping keep the already marginalised pretty marginalised by deciding to ignore them. What Lily’s tried to do with ‘Hard Out Here’ is admirable; bringing feminist ideas and issues about female exploitation to the attention of the wider public is definitely a positive, but does it have to be at the expense of women who are repeatedly forgotten about by the feminist movement on the whole? At best the song is a failed parody, a poorly written auto-tuned attempt at satire that falls flat, failing to meaningfully challenge anything to do with the music industry and the patriarchal standards it sustains.
A critical Michael Gove says the new man can’t be trusted because: “I’ve played Nintendogs and they always die on me”
In a fit of hubris, Prof Brian Cox attempts to show his mastery of the Universe by fighting it a molecule at a time
Why not surround herself with fully clothed women?
Image: Regional Cabinet
Image: Uni of Manchester
Tom Nicholson
The Courier
comment.11
Monday 25 November 2013
The
Watch the throne
Voice of
Reason
Politics can seem all too inaccessible to the student voter. Is there a political party for the younger voter or are we right to feel disillusioned?
David Leighton
I
t has recently emerged that David Cameron gave a speech of austerity from a ‘golden throne’, quite literally. An online article in which a part time Guardian reporter, working as a waitress, was privy to the ‘Lord Mayor’s Banquet’ has gone viral – showing the true face of the Tory mentality. One day later it was revealed to the world that Cameron’s lackeys have been deleting any evidence of their previous policies (2006-2010), the ones that directly contradict their current bright ideas. They’ve gone from being a party that ‘Didn’t come into politics to make cuts’ to a party that has left students thousands and thousands of pounds worse off in debt. So what the hell happened? Perhaps take note of a recent article released, an article with the theory that current 2nd year students are in the worst position out of everyone. We
started our A-Levels with a promise of £30 EMA a week (for me and many others, something that was vital) which was immediately cut in our second year. We were promised £3000 a year tuition fees, immediately to be changed to £9000 when we started university. We are twenty thousand pound more in debt than we ever expected to be. So who the bloody hell can we vote for that isn’t going to stab us in the back and smile whilst doing it? There’s a good question. I’ll direct you to a quote – ‘This is no longer the Nanny State. Labour may have treated us like children, but the Tories treat us like animals’. I am not pro-Labour, but in the same way I’d choose fighting a dog over a dragon; I choose Labour over Tory. The only reason I choose Labour is because if every student voted Labour, Labour would address the concerns of the student. Labour does not care about students, but if all of them voted you can bet both your arse cheeks they would start to. Why does Labour always go on about free heating for pensioners? Because the older generation contribute a massive amount towards their votes, that’s why.
Labour aren’t nice, they’re just Animal Farm but more anthropomorphised, but if you want someone who can really gear their campaign towards what the student wants – then we should all vote Labour. Without starting to sound inflammatory it’s the only way a student would get a party who caters for their needs other than a revolution, because obviously Lib Dem’s are about as useful as a chocolate fireguard. I’m not trying to encourage a revolution, I’m a firm believer in voting – what I am trying to encourage is a way of thinking that doesn’t automatically assume the Capitalist, democratic system that we currently live in is the best system and that we are just waiting for the rest of the world to “catch up”. Capitalism isn’t a perfect system, it’s just the best one we have so far…I think the same of the Labour party, it is the lesser of many evils. Essentially you have a choice, do you choose to engage in a system you know is pretty flawed? If you’re willing to do that then do you vote Tory? I certainly hope not because unless you’re middle class, white, of sound mind and body, or a Lord – you’ll be pretty darn buggered.
Image: Mikey @flikr
Disguising our sexual failings Would lowering the legal age of consent to fifteen lower accidental teenage pregnancy rates?
Victoria Armstrong
I
n light of the recent proposals to lower the age of consent to 15 from public health expert, Professor John Ashton, the debate on the age of consent has reared its head once again. However, with this being unanimously rejected by our three leading political parties, is there really cause for debate? We cannot deny that a plague of issues surround Britain in this area: we have one of the highest rates of underage pregnancy in Europe, twice that of our German and French counterparts. This is then coupled with the highest proportion of abortions in Europe. Yet where does the suggestion come from that to lower the age of consent would in any way remedy this situation? Surely more merit can be found in an immense variety of alternatives from improved education to greater media attention whereas lowering the age of consent only superficially seals over the cracks. Indeed, stopping the sexualisation of children from such a young age (such as with the padded bras for pre-teens) could have untold success in this matter. Professor Ashton’s focus in suggesting a lowered
legal age was to allow for better access to contraception and sexual health services for 15 year-olds. This is understandable considering that surveys reveal approximately one third of youths have had sex prior to the age of 16. Yet there is no need for better sex-related public services to go hand-inhand with legalising sex from a younger age. From my perspective, the law should reflect societal values, not simply bow down to society’s failures. By legitimising a younger age of consent, we legitimise our failures.
The law should not simply bow down to society’s failures Realistically, lowering the legal age strongly suggests that Government and society take no issue with 15 year olds copulating when this is not the case. Imagine a 15 year old engaging in sexual relations with a significantly older person… would you not find that somewhat disturbing and a cause for serious questions about exploitation? At 15 we are
still vulnerable. We do not need our Government saying it is acceptable to have sex at that age, even with those of a similar age. This would exacerbate the problem rather than help in any way. Furthermore, what if youths were to begin having sex at an even younger age? Do we admit defeat once again and lower the limit again? From this logic it would seem possible we could eventually reach a policy like that in Yemen; there the age of consent is 9, so long as signs of puberty are visible. Needless to say, most in Britain would consider such a policy rather horrifying. Luckily, the vast majority of politicians seem to have the same view on this. Whilst political parties typically jump at any chance to disagree, the Tories, Labour and the Liberal-Democrats have all rightly come out disagreeing with the proposal and references to children’s protection. It is important to note however,that this proposal is merely an attempt to address a far wider problem. The answer does not lie in simply failing to deal with it, as seems to be the current Government’s approach. Equally, the answer does not lie in disguising the problem, as this proposal would arguably do. Instead there must be focus on the twin ideals of public debate and public awareness to deal with the youth sex issues seemingly endemic in British society today.
No. 7: The Christmas nightmare
F
ear not, dear readers. I have successfully survived the plague and I am here once again, to contribute a few phrases of savoir faire to nourish and to cheer. Every morning I rise from my peaceful slumber with the naïve, yet sincere, hope that the plebeians that waltz our streets may have finally grown some of that rare plant, which many of us call a “brain” in their upper gardens. Alas, for naught! Just one look through the window is enough to mercilessly remind me how such a haven of a sane world can never be. As Timmons reads out the morning papers, I do try to keep a stiff upper lip, but every day I am aghast with the stupidity of aforementioned plebs. Sadly, it is once again that horrifying time of the year, the one, which I have taken to calling Novristmas. Now, let us not get this confused: I enjoy Christmas. My mind occasionally boggles as to why there are oddly-coloured socks over the fire, but on the whole, it is not an overly preposterous celebration to have, particularly a festival that celebrates excessive amounts of food. What I very much do not enjoy, however, is some fool’s notion that Christmas begins on the first day of November. Hence, Novristmas. It is such a vexatious notion amongst the moochers in our society that I break out in hives, and it gives me the wish to nom on the fools’ ankles. (It is, after all, my life’s philosophy that should one be annoyed, it is one’s solemn duty to annoy in return.) Do you not know, you half-witted beings, that I do not dare go out because of your repulsively flashing decorations? You should be ashamed, you terrible plebs, that your cat-brained brandishing of multi-coloured lights could take an innocent pug’s eye out There is a big possibility that I could be struck by a car during one of my graceful traversing of the streets due to those repugnant creations of Satan making me nauseous. Yes, neighbour, I am looking at you. It was your feeble mind that deemed it acceptable to decorate your house with a pile of Christmas decorations on the second day of November. If you are getting back at me for marking my territory all over your front lawn, I would say that causing my premature and tragic death is a slight overreaction. Had it only been the lights, though. Oh, no. Novristmas brings with a plethora of troubles for my humble, gracious soul. Mind-numbing, soulcrushing tunes, from the doorstep of every shop, turned up to a preposterous volume. To all those, who are intent on killing every brain cell that we have by ceaselessly playing the same tunes every year - I have three words for you. Cease and desist. We the wellborn are often reduced to barking at the radio until our manservant is forced to turn it off. “Holiday season”. “Christmas excitement”. Bah! All of you nincompoops, who so willingly participate in Novristmas, do you know what I am getting you as a present this year? It’s one of the most prodigious of all the creations of mankind to date. It’s called a calendar. Yours,
Pugs
Illustration by Flora Anderson Overheard by Antonia Velikova
Pugs has got a new iPad, and he’s been dictating tweets to his manservant Timmons. Follow him on Twitter at @LaVoiceofReason
12.lifestyle
Monday 25 November 2013
The Courier
Lifestyle Editors: Evie O’Sullivan, Elizabeth Archer, Hazel Parnell and Katie Smith
Apps every student needs
#1 ReferenceME
Endnote blues? Then get onto ReferenceME where your referencing problems dissolve. Choose your referencing style and simply scan the book’s barcode and hey presto! Your reference is ready. It’ll store all your references for later use and for those elusive journals you’ve spent 3 days scouring the Robinson for, you can manually enter it into the app to keep all your references together. Export and print! Essay done.
#2 Grades 3
It’s a boy/girl thing... Is it ever okay to be friends with an ex?
T
Girl
hey say that sex means more to girls than boys, and ultimately that is usually the case. So don’t go opening a can of worms by trying to be friends with your ex because that won’t lead to getting closure over your relationship. If you’re reading this, adamantly shaking your head, whilst saying, “I’m friends with my ex” then maybe you are one of the few who are, or maybe you’re not entirely over them. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying you can’t be friends with your ex, but it is only a small minority of couples that can go on to being just friends when they have broken up. Most couples’ sexual chemistry doesn’t immediately dissipate. So, unless you’re entirely platonic, you won’t care if he hooks up with someone else, hold no hope for a reconciliation - do not go there. Number one rule: do not have ex sex. Being friends with benefits just does not work. You’ll never move on, no matter how much either of you think it doesn’t mean anything, it does, and sooner than later you’ll be right back where you started. Obviously there was a reason for your break up in the first place, so unless you’re trying to be friends in order to get him back, it’s better all round if you give up all this ‘friends’ malarkey and try to get some closure. I’m not saying be a complete bitch and completely ignore him on passing, but meeting up on your own, texts and phone calls are a big no-no. One of my friends, after breaking up with her long-term boyfriend, repeatedly slept with him and knowing his password obsessively checked his Facebook messages for signs he was seeing someone else. Inevitably tears came when he asked her, “Sorry were we not allowed to sleep with other people?” - causing us friends to inwardly sigh and think on how technically they were supposed to be just friends whilst outwardly cursing him and everything he had done to hurt her. In the long run it simply ended up causing more hurt than when they’d originally split up.
“Number one rule: do not have ex sex. Being friends with benefits just does not work”
If you’re fed up with Blackboard’s indecipherable ‘My Grades’ section then download Grades 3. This app is primarily aimed at US college students but can still be used here in the UK (just ignore the GPA section). You can use this app to organise your life at university by entering upcoming deadlines and your weekly timetable. It even allows you to send texts or emails to everyone in your study group, as well as your lecturer if you can’t remember what was said (was I even there?). It’ll also work out what grade you need on your next essay to make sure you pass the module. No more excuses.
#3 Just eat Tesco closed/too far away/too cold outside? Then reach over to your phone and order your takeaway in minutes. Treat yo’ self after a hard day of lectures and seminars by ordering enough to qualify for delivery and sit back and relax and wait for that knock on the door that only means one thing – a night of food heaven. Even if twenty years down the line you keep the TV remote under your fat folds, just remember you did have an awesome time at uni eating pizza and kebabs every night. By Connor Rogerson
Now if you’re purely platonic with your ex and are friends, good for you, I haven’t found one I could be with yet. However, if you’re trying to be friends under the guise of hoping you get back together, or because you don’t want to lose them, then I advise you cut the strings. I’m not going to say it won’t happen in your future, but how long are you going to wait, blissfully hoping for sparks to fly again? How much heartache are you going to take? Break off the friendship, stop the sex, and delete his number. We get it girls have needs too, but you don’t have to crawl back to the safe option. You are a strong independent woman and you will be just fine without him, even if you don’t think so right now. So put on your LBD, have a cheeky drink or two, and get out there - you may just end up happier.
T
Boy
his question is as old as time: should we, and more importantly can we, still be friends with those whom we have previously had deep feelings for? I, for one, am still good friends with many of my so-called exes. Whether it didn’t work out, things just weren’t right at the time, or alternatively I was an arse, the girls all fortunately seem to realise that I was just young, immature and an absolute stud. To start, I can see that from a girl’s perspective it may look a bit off if their boyfriend still talks to someone they’ve been with as everyone knows that feelings don’t just disappear. However, I would argue that if he is with you then he obviously wants to be, and if he doesn’t, he’s just a bit of a dick and you need to give yourself a pat on the back for falling for the wrong person.
“If you are with someone for any length of time feelings will grow and progress into, dare I say it, that precious L word that we all seem to be scared of ” In my experience, people do try to carry things on from previous flings or relationships even if they have moved on. For instance, okay, so I may have cheated on one of my girlfriends in high school and thus got finished, blah blah blah. However, I still spoke to her for years until recently when I may have, or may not have, nearly got into a fight in the gym with her current boyfriend for saying ‘I got there first mate’. Less of that though, it’s not bad to be friends with an ex, it should just come with health warnings. A broken heart is not good for anyone. If you are with someone for any length of time feelings will grow and progress into, dare I say it, that precious L word that we all seem to be scared of. The males reading this will know that a girl talking to their ex can be seen as bad news, especially if he hates you. But vendettas shouldn’t get in the way, I mean, even if you don’t like someone’s ex, they are an ex, and at that, an ex for a reason. There isn’t any point in holding back in this argument: being friends with an ex is fine, as long as those who you are now seeing or are with, know the boundaries of your friendship. You are just friends, you have moved on. Even if there are still feelings there, people need to realise that an ex is an ex for a reason. You got rid of them for a reason. Either they were a bit of a dick or you just didn’t feel it anymore. So, I guess that the age-old adage of ‘we’re better off as friends’ is true in this case. Even if you are with someone new, it doesn’t just mean you have to forget your ex entirely, god knows I know this all too well with my situation at the minute. Just be sure to take a minute and consider your spouse’s thoughts as well as your sexual organs. By Rebecca Dooley and Josh Nicholson Illustrations by Daisy Billowes
What ever happened to my... student loan? Since my student loan went in around 60 days ago, I’ve been spending in a way I have considered reasonable. After checking my balance today for the first time since that glorious day in September, I’ve found out that this certainly isn’t the case. I saw my balance and nearly soiled my knickers. I discovered that over the last 56 days, I have spent an average of £28.09 a day. How is this even possible? As I have a job, excuses along the lines of ‘I worked last night so that will pay for this lunch out’ and ‘I’m working 18 hours next week so I’m allowed a treat’ have been used a lot. However, now they’re beginning to wear thin as the awful truth of my spending habits has been stripped bare for me to see. Searching for key words on my online bank statement, I found my biggest offenders. Nudo:12 visits. Personally, I was expecting this to be higher as I can’t get enough of the place so this came as a pleasant surprise. However, the small charge for sitting inside doesn’t seem such a high price to pay when it’s freezing outside, but this quickly mounts up to a tremendous amount after a few visits. Nexus: Countless transactions have been made to Nexus over the past two months. Running late for uni/ the freezing cold mornings make getting the metro seem like a fantastic idea. This is sadly not the case for my student loan. Until the card machines were installed in the metro stations if I didn’t have change I would have suffered and walked to uni. Seriously, someone needs to do something and have the card payment option removed from West Jesmond metro. It’s costing me a fortune! Gym: My biggest expenditure so far this semester. Personally, I’d
love to know how a £45 joining fee is justified. After trying to get this wavered like countless students have most likely tried in the past and also found it is nonnegotiable, I was forced to pay. However, after coming out of the shower and finding my bedroom so cold I could see the heat waves rising off my skin, I thought the luxury of a warm shower and sauna at the gym a priceless luxury. For three months so far my gym has cost me £132. Unsurprisingly I’m start- ing to regret signing up for a nine month long contract. Perhaps next year I’ll stick to Zumba DVDs and ‘bloagalates’. ‘CASH WITHDRAWAL’: This ever mysterious transaction appears countless times on my statement and doesn’t even bear thinking about so I will refrain from dwelling on what has happened to these ridiculous ATM transactions. Yet, with Christmas looming around the corner threatening my overdraft all I can seem to think about is how much writing about Nudo has made me crave salmon nigiri. Roll on January for round two is all I can say. Annah Baines
Culture The Courier
.13
Monday 25 November 2013
thecourieronline.co.uk/culture
Culture Editor: Sam Summers Sections: Lifestyle, Fashion, Beauty, Arts, Music, Film, TV and Science courier.culture@ncl.ac.uk | @CourierOnline
Tom Hepburn, 1st Year Medicine meets Harriet Foden, 3rd Year Economics
Where?
Who paid?
Harriet on Tom
Tom on Harriet What were your first impressions of her in three words? Smiley, attractive and nice eyes. What is your usual type and did she fit it? Do I have a type? I guess my type is more personality than looks. So yeah, she was confident and easy to talk to.
How did you find going on a blind date - were you nervous? It was a weird experience. I think we were both quite nervous but, thankfully, there weren’t really any awkward silences… although that could be because I ramble when I’m nervous! Were you pleased with his choice of venue? It was actually really cool. I was a bit unsure when I initially found out as I was expecting your usual plastic clad bowling alley but it was actually a ‘boutique bowling alley’ which was a nice surprise! The only downside was that I really don’t like bowling… so, although he had a lane booked for after dinner, we ended up bailing in favour of a pub. Describe your first impression of him in three words. Long blonde hair.
Any awkward moments? I guess bringing up the fact that blind dates are awkward was awkward.
What’s your usual type and how far did he meet it? Not really sure I have a type although I do usually go for tall boys - the taller the better! I can’t say he really fit that, sorry!
Any weird conversation topics? Trips to A&E, and worst first dates.
Did the conversation flow well? He was very easy to talk to and had some pretty cool stories from his many adventures so we didn’t struggle for conversation. We also had the music taste conversation which proved entertaining as he was quite surprised to find out we had pretty similar taste in bands.
“I guess bringing up the fact that blind dates are awkward was awkward”
Did any weird topics come up? That he used to live in a shack on a roof.
Can you understand why she’s single? I think she is probably picky and has high standards –which is a good thing.
What were his best and worst traits, do you think? Best: he was really friendly and interesting to talk to. Worst: I’m afraid it’s a shallow one, it was probably his hair… not really my cup of tea.
What are her best and worst features? Best: the fact that she listens to metal! Worst: her indecisiveness. Would you introduce her to your mum? Sure yeah, my mum would like her.
At any point in the date did you understand why he might be single? Well as a medic living in Tynemouth teaching surfing at the weekends, I imagine he doesn’t have all that much free time.
Snog, shag or “see ya bye”? Shag. Obviously. Would you take her on a second date? Yeah sure. Hopefully go to a gig sometime.
Did you open the ‘ex-files’? Only so far as discussing our worst date experiences. Thankfully neither of us mentioned the date we were currently on!
Cute, sexy or hot? All three in equal measures. Funny, intelligent or sweet? Definitely not sweet. So the other two.
What do you think your parents would make of him? I think they would like his personality and course choice, however, I’m not sure how they’d feel about the hair.
How did it end? A hug and a kiss on the cheek.
Would your flatmates approve? Erm, I’m not sure they would… sorry Tom!
Rate yo’ date: A 9 I think.
How did the date end? Anything cheeky? Nope, nothing cheeky, just an amicable goodbye. Do you think you’ll see each other again? Erm, maybe at a gig or something but who knows.
Unlucky in love? The Courier is here to help! Send your details to: c2.lifestyle@ncl.ac.uk
Rate yo’ date: I’ll go with an 8 I think.
14.lifestyle
Monday 25 November 2013
The Courier
Lifestyle Editors: Evie O’Sullivan, Elizabeth Archer, Hazel Parnell and Katie Smith
How not to take a selfie
There was a time, many long years ago, when photography was a rare and appreciated talent. A time when thought went into the minutes before one clicked the shutter. Fast forward to 2013. You own a fancy camera or phone and have apparently become a pro.
1)The fake-naturals
Owen Bull
Candid photography has a purpose. It is when the subject is in their natural mindset and not conscious of attention. Some of the greatest pictures are natural. Please don’t go candid on yourself. You simply cannot take a natural picture of yourself. How are you supposed to be freely expressing while holding up a camera? As a photographer this really annoys me. The human face is a canvas of versatile and sometimes beautiful expressions when caught off-guard. Please don’t try to re-create these in a selfie. Laugh, frown, cry, gasp and scream in excitement freely. I promise someday someone will get it on film and it will be special. Just don’t do it in a selfie. Harshly put, it looks pathetic.
Final year Nutrition student
Fab or Fad?
2)The convicts
S is for... Slim
Isn’t it cruel that the sweetest, richest, most toffee-sauce-drizzled part of the year also happens to be the height of the social calendar? That’s right, I’m talking about the ultimate dilemma: how you can enjoy the festive season whilst still looking smoking hot. The secret, the one that Santa (beloved as he is) so obviously missed, is about to be revealed! It’s all in the letter. Lunches that begin with the letter ‘S’ are your first class ticket to Christmas abs as hard as an Antarctic glacier. The Japanese have hit a nutritional home run with sashimi: This delicious oriental lunchtime delight is packed full of raw protein, and incredibly low in saturated fat. You don’t even need to spend megabucks to get your (well-manicured) hands on this low calorie treat. With Nudo just round the corner, a hit of Omega 3 rich salmon could lower your risk of cardiovascular disease without tossing you into your overdraft. Who knew a fish could multi-task?
“Lunches that begin with the letter ‘S’ are your first class ticket to Christmas abs as hard as an Antarctic glacier”
If going completely raw isn’t your style then how about seared salmon sushi? The common misconception is that ‘if it isn’t raw then it isn’t sushi’. For the dish to be categorised as sushi it just needs to be a meat or veg accompanied by rice seasoned with sweet rice vinegar. Be waistline wise and grab this lovely low salt option. Soup has long since shed its image as the watery staple of the ageing bingo mafia. A fabulous array of more-ish flavours are available for you across a multitude of shops. Plus, it’s even cheaper to make at home and simply pop into a flask for lunchtime pick-me-up. Why not try slow roasting any tomatoes you have lying around on 120C for 2 hours, then blend with rosemary, vegetable stock, and chick peas. The caramelised natural sugars gives a low calorie sweet hit and the chickpeas are packing protein to support the growth of those washboard abs you will be hiding behind your snowman jumper! Not to mention a partially blended soup takes far more time to be digested, leaving you fuller for longer (and therefore less likely to grab the nearest Curly Wurly). Salads are not just a summertime staple. Why not try tossing some rocket leaves, with pomegranate, spinach and walnuts. Then put on a generous dollop of quark. What’s quark? I hear you ask. Well, my dear reader, quark is a high protein, 0% fat variety of cottage cheese available in your local supermarket. Finish this fantastic salad with a drizzle of lemon juice and your lunchbox will have the nutritional fit factor of Zac Efron, in a sauna, covered in Manuka honey! Socks are also another great low calorie alternative to real food they… OK, so not all things that begin with the letter S are an ideal way to keep to svelte this winter. However, if you take anything from the ‘S’ diet, let it be that having a lunch that is packed with lean protein, veg and non-refined carbohydrates is the way to look body beautiful this winter. As long as you don’t stray to sausages and Snickers, and stick to the above options (minus the socks) then the ‘S’ diet actually makes nutritional sense.
The ‘S’ diet - fab or fad?
It’s fab
Some people think it’s a great idea to take a selfie on their phone/tablets where the device in question covers their face almost fully. I totally get it if you’re a fashion blogger and the focus of your picture is your clothes. However, if you just want to show off your body and cover your face, that’s really not a great idea. Then you get girls complaining about guys objectifying their body. If that’s all that is in the picture then what are they supposed to look at? If you’re proud of your body have a mate to take a picture of you at the gym or someplace. Don’t make your bodies the subject of your selfies, it looks really vain and the attention you get, regardless of whether you’re a guy or girl, will be what you asked for.
3)The misplaced
I actually don’t understand the logic behind these. Why would anyone think someone wants to see a picture of them while they’re on the toilet. Neither do I want to see what you wore all of last week in a pile behind you in your messy room. Okay, you don’t have to have mind-blowing scenery or a spotless room when you take a selfie, I get that it’s personal, just don’t put something you wouldn’t want people to see in a real world scenario behind you.
4)The intruders
No matter how good-looking you are I don’t want to see a close up of your eyes, mouth and nostrils. A selfie might be a close up portrait but it’s still a portrait of your face. A portrait should include your face, hair, and some neck. In my opinion, this is the worst kind of selfie. There I am innocently scrolling through Instagram looking for the latest trends and bam someone’s in my face, staring at me with a wide-eyed, over-enthusiastic, fake smile. This is the equivalent of going close up to someone’s face and smiling. If you wouldn’t creep and intrude on someone’s personal bubble in real life, I beg you, don’t do it online. Girls, we can see your fabulous makeup skills even a bit further away, and guys we don’t need to zoom into your Movember achievements. If we can appreciate beauty from a distance in real life, we can do so online too. There’s really no need to give us a zoomed By Adithya Sharaya version. Our eyes are still pretty functional, thank you.
Restaurant Review: Sky Apple Café
T
his week’s review is for the restaurant with the pinkest exterior on Heaton Road: The Sky Apple Café. It is a vegetarian restaurant, which personally gets me excited, as I am a recent convert to the world of nonmeat. Luckily, I managed to convince Dave the meat-eater to come along with me, so that I was able to attain an omnivore’s point of view. It turns out there was nothing to worry about; with unique and tasty food, friendly service and quirky-comfortable atmosphere, Sky Apple Café is our new favourite eatery in Heaton. Sky Apple was set up in 2002, and describes itself as serving locally sourced vegetarian, vegan and
gluten-free cuisine. It is open during the morning for breakfast, and acts as a café throughout the rest of the day with lunch specials, before finally transforming into a small candle-lit restaurant. The sky blue painted walls with white clouds make the room feel light and spacious. Thirst was quenched with an organic cola for me, and a vegan beer for Dave. It was called Long Wall Mouse Organic Beer, and had a cute story on it about a ghost mouse that was seen near the Long Wall by the locals of Ellad. If you saw the mouse’s ghostly figure, great misfortune would befall you. It was interesting to see beer classified as ‘vegan’ as well - apparently it is something to do with not using fish bladders to ‘clear the beer’. Ask the Homebrew Society for more information. For a starter, I had an Okonomiyaki pancake, which is a selection of vegetables combined into a patty, served on leaves with a tangy tonkatsu sauce. Dave ordered the soup of the day which was a decent bowl of roasted red pepper and tomato soup. It was served with bread and was also delicious. My main of mushroom wellington came out as a mushroom lover’s dream. Shaped like a large mushroom at the centre of a shallow pool of wild mushroom and madeira sauce, served on cabbage and something resembling a potato fritter. Dave ordered the arancini, which was three breaded butternut squash and herb risotto balls, wrapped around tomato bolognese and mozzarella, served with leaves and a light sauce. The flavours for both dishes were exceptionally well thought out, and you can tell the ingredients were well sourced. We were very full from the starter and mains, so we agreed to share a pineapple upside-down cake (served with the most amazing coconut and lime ice cream). We also ordered an orange and Cointreau sorbet, which was very refreshing, and very alcoholic at the beginning. It even comes in slanted glasses to make you feel a bit tipsier than you really are.
Prices are around £5 for a starter/dessert, and £10 for a main, so it is a good price for a slightly more stylish experience. The dinner menu is even cycled every 6 weeks to keep you coming back for more. It also has a BYOB option, for £1.80 per person corkage and glass fee. There are also takeaway options for a cheaper price, though you are required to heat them up yourself at home. Vegetarian food is something that many omnivores often shy away from, but I would encourage people to try something different. I expected my diet to be greatly restricted when I shied away from meat, but I have found the opposite to be true. The types of food I eat have increased due to the creativity you can have when fashioning a vegetarian dish. The Sky Apple Café does just that, and makes wonderful hearty meals that meet a range of dietary requirements. Five stars. Ten out of ten. I will be back. 182 Heaton Rd, Newcastle upon Tyne, Tyne and Wear NE6 5HP By Penelope Polson
The Courier
lifestyle.15
Monday 25 November 2013
thecourieronline.co.uk/lifestyle Courier_Life
c2.lifestyle@ncl.ac.uk | @
Ask Uncle LeBron
Wassup homeslice! Uncle LeBron here, Castle Leazes’ third best rapper and sixth biggest baller, your bestie from another teste. Now I know times is tough like my rhymes is rough, but just come take a seat here on my lap - mind the erection - and I promise I’ll make it all better for y’all. Swerve. “What’s the best way to cure a hangover?” Y’all think LeBron knows how to cure ya hangover? To me preventin’ is da best cure, and no I ain’t talkin’ about cuttin’ down on those trebs…but getting a tast-eh kebab in from Munchies after yo trip to Sinners will soak up some of that vod and you’ll defs feel less vommy da next day #boybettaknow
Illustration by Caroline Mackrill
“I slept with my flatmate and now he thinks we have something going on… help!!” DAYUMMM. Let a brother down gently yo.. the poor soul all starry eyed over yaw goodies and you gonna be dropping his bitch ass faster than dog sheet. #MANEATER
“In your professional opinion, is it true that any hole is a goal?” It is true brotha. Just remember - not every goal is a winner. #owngoalwronghole
“I’m trying to eat healthy but can’t really be motivated enough. Motivate me?”
Get yaw bitch ass chunky munky flubber flying fat ass to the gym. I mean dayum brethren a player seen less rolls than that in Greggs yo. Sometimes ya gotta be mean to be nice, ya gets meh? How do you get a fat girl into bed? #pieceofcake
If y’all have any problems and are in real need of Uncle LeBron’s words of wisdom then holla at your dawg: c2.lifestyle@ncl.ac.uk
LeBron transcribbled by David Leighton
Should you have your parents on Facebook? Accepting your parents on Facebook is one of those taboo subjects and it all falls down to how likely your parents are to bring up those naked photos of you in Leazes Park and, more importantly, how likely they are to let it go. Facebook is the most efficient way of communication there is. You can share pictures, videos and thoughts; you can chat for hours on end; and now, you can even video call! Although the idea of your dad seeing drunken photos of you is a daunting prospect, it helps the difficult process of being viewed as an adult rather than their little seven year old darling. Yes, it’ll be a shock for both of you to start with, but when your parents see you out having a good time and not dying, they’ll start respecting you more and treating you as such. With our limited student loans, Facebook is also a brilliant money saver. The long phone calls and copious texts home are replaced by a quick and easy inbox or video call. For those who have a lot to hide, haven’t you ever heard of privacy settings? A two minute whizz through your profile and it is fully parent-proof, so don’t be mean to poor mamma - accept her!
Never, never, accept your parents on Facebook. They’ll kid themselves that they are your real friends and know everything about you. Keep up the illusion that all you do at uni is work. They won’t be happy with the reality. It is the worst decision I have made since I started uni. I thought it would be a good way to keep in contact after I moved away, not to mention the money I would save on phone bills! But as soon as I clicked accept on my mum’s request (which had been sat in my ‘not now’ box for over a year!), I heard the ping of an inbox. And it hasn’t stopped since. Recently, she’s been posting on my wall and telling me daft things I don’t care about, like a local restaurant has temporarily closed down. During pre-drinks one night, my flatmates wrote a status on my account to the effect of ‘I want cock’. My mum genuinely asked if I had posted it! One day I will reach the edge and un-friend my poor mother. That day is in the not so distant future.
When I was younger I had a tendency to do fantastically brilliant but dumb things. Most men have at some point drawn on their manhood. Out of personal choice I added a moustache and drew on a smiley face. It was at this point, due to a fair amount of day drinking, when I was wandering around making my moustached member talk, that one of my friends decided to take a picture. She then posted it to Facebook, which was funny until my mum saw it, it was tagged as Gregory Pecker (still proud of that name), oh the shame!
Adding your parents on Facebook will just bring out transformations in them you didn’t even know were possible; the over-zealous matchmaker mum, the TMI dad, the cringe-inducing ‘lots of love’ mum, the internet newcomer of a dad … the list goes on. It may not seem like it, but there are many ways they can and will embarrass you, helped by having access to your drunken night-out photos, your fraped statuses and plenty more. I get on very well with my parents but that doesn’t mean I want them to have unrestricted access to everything I want to share with my friends - especially at uni. Parent friend request? No thanks.
By Ellen Mclaren, Max Palmer-Geaves and Rosanna Bellini
The Verdict: don’t do it. Unless your parents are very accepting, then it’s not worth those awkward convos. Always remember...privacy settings.
Suzie Bliss
My Unfortunate Life #4
T
oday I met up with a friend from school for lunch, the kind of occasion that should be harmless enough. Obviously we were talking about everyone from school, how they have changed in their time at uni – who went off the rails and who just disappeared into oblivion. Our conversation was happily bobbing along when things turned to me. My friend, Holly, eagerly recounted that she had been talking about me with some of the other girls and that, and I quote: “we had a real laugh, because quite a lot of people think you’re kind of cool and have ‘got it together’, but it’s actually really funny because when people get to know you, they realise that you just don’t and are in fact really weird…HA. HA. HA.” Initially, I was flattered to think I had ever even been considered as remotely cool. Then the reality sunk in, and to be honest, it’s a bit of a sad, sad situ-
“...as soon as someone uses the word unique to describe you, you know it’s NOT a good sign” ation….preach it Elton. Holly kindly tried to backtrack and describe my weirdness as ‘unique’ –as soon as someone uses the word unique, you know it’s NOT a good sign. For the rest of the afternoon I have been thinking about how I may have the tiniest ounce of potential to turn my unfortunate life into a fortunate one, pinpointing recent events that could be intrinsic to my unfortunate life If I could re-live some moments from these past two weeks I would not hesitate. Taking myself straight back to the morning after Halloween (without the hangover!). I was driving home to have a few relaxing days in a warm house. I had planned to leave by 11, and so at 2.30pm, we – I was giving a friend a lift – set off. Filling up with petrol, there was no doubt about the need for monumental snacks and refreshment. In Tesco, I was drawn to the crisp aisle. Doritos. Yes. Which flavour? With my head being a little
“...one hand stuffing my face with cheesy orange triangles and the other on the steering wheel’”
worse for wear I obviously needed both, oh and that was a big bag of each. Having nearly aquaplaned on the motorway, we hit some Friday traffic. The Doritos were really helping me through. With one hand stuffing my face with cheesy orange triangles and the other on the steering wheel, I caught my reflection in the rear-view mirror - it was not pretty; I still had remnants of last night’s make-up on my face and a nice big spot was brewing on my chin. As we clearly weren’t going anywhere fast, I had time to give it a good squeeze. Big mistake. The orange dust covering my fingers wormed its way in, and who knows what is in Doritos but it must resemble something similar to nuclear waste. The pain was agonising and I had to put up with it for the consequent 5 hours that the journey took. If I had my time again, I would have 1) maybe had one less drink the night before, 2) looked up the traffic forecast, and finally 3) purchased merely a bottle of Evian and an apple because that’s what a fortunate person would do…
16.fashion
Monday 25 November 2013
The Courier
Fashion Editors: Frances Stephenson and Amy O’Rourke Deputy Fashion Editor: Bex Finney
Style icon
Max Palmer-Geaves tells us why Nathan Stewart-Jarrett is his British style icon
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he reason for choosing Mr Stewart-Jarrett is that he may be unfamiliar to a large amount of people because, unless you watch misfits (and if you don’t what are you doing), you won’t have come across him. When given the task of choosing a British style icon, I think it’s all too easy to choose Michael Caine or Paul Smith, hence why I’ve tried to choose someone younger but who still has a defined sense of style. At first I went down the front man road, looking at Oli Sykes and Liam Gallagher who both own their own respective clothing labels but who I would say dress very specifically rather than stylishly. Mr Stewart-Jarrett has a fantastically simple dress sense, stating that the most important thing for him is to be comfortable in clothes whilst still looking stylish. His use of colour is interesting as, in an interview, he stated that he preferred wearing bright colours in winter as it removed that wintery feel. I think the man’s a genius, I spend most of winter wandering around in black, grey and white, this year I’m going to dress like a damn rainbow. He’s certainly a ‘British’ style icon as well, sticking to his routes and favouring brands such as Burberry Brit and Paul Smith as the basis for outfits, which are then embellished with stock favourites such as Acne and YMC. Style should encompass more than just clothing, however, and in this respect Stewart-Jarrett is definitely a winner, his favourite album is Chet Baker Sings Sings, a classic, soft, sexy jazz album by trumpet player turned singer Chet Baker and his preferred car of choice is a bottle green MG, a classic British sports car and classically cool. The man is definitely, or will soon be, a British style icon.
Best of the designers
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Christopher Kane
fter graduating from Central St Martins in 2006, this Scottish-born designer established his label with his sister Tammy in 2006, and within only one year he was awarded New Designer of the year at the British Fashion Awards. Kane has worked with Versace and Giles Deacon, and is part of a small collection of designers who create collections for Swarovski. Bold and innovative, Kane uses a mix of textures, embellishments and expert tailoring to create strong collections every season. He’s best known for his first independent collection of neon dresses, highly praised by critics and a major contribution to the 2007 fluoro trend.
Best of British
Anna Goodman-Jones and Bex Finney show us some of the most influential figures in the world of fashion, all flying the flag for Britain Best of the bloggers
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I
aking basic wardrobe staples and a neutral palette, Lily’s outfits ooze edgy, girly grunge. As one of the first to embrace the ombre hair, Lily became an internet sensation and the reason many budding fashionistas started their own blogs. Lily is no one trick pony, also running a beauty blog and YouTube account. Once you click onto her blog, you’ll be lost in a friendly approach to writing and crisp, clear photography. Personal style is an emphasis of Lily’s blog, meaning you can take inspiration from her without being a copy-cat. llymlrs.com
f you haven’t yet come across She Wears Fashion, you’ll soon find your hours of procrastination spent admiring Kavita’s immaculate style and envying her luscious locks. Starting her fashion blog as a hobby has lead to her gracing the pages of Vogue and frow-ing the shows of London’s Fashion Week. Kavita is the ultimate inspiration, experimenting with different styles and taking risks. My favourite thing about She Wears Fashion is the fun Kavita has with her clothes; studded snapbacks, body chains and barbie inspired looks, this girl can do no wrong. shewearsfashion.com
Henry Holland
Alexander McQueen
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he House of Holland label was first launched in 2008, but Henry Holland had already created a stir two years prior to this without having even attended fashion college. His collection of brightly coloured slogan tees featured rhymes involving the names of famous designers and models, and his designs after this continued to be loud and colourful. Whether it be giant polka dots, clashing prints, or bold hounds-tooth, Holland’s designs are created with the loud London girl in mind. He’s best known for his slogan tee-shirts and his iconic trademark faux-suspender and alphabet stockings.
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cQueen started out as an apprentice on Savile Row, and before founding his own label he worked as chief designer at Givenchy. His designs are often unconventional and controversial, and he has won British Designer of the Year four times. His death in 2010 was a tragedy that devastated millions. Sarah Burton has confidently and respectfully taken over as the brand’s creative director, and she designed Kate Middleton’s wedding dress last year. Best known for theatrical imagery, extreme silhouettes, and grand designs that break boundaries, his couture appeared in many of Lady Gaga’s videos.
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eautiful photography, mouth watering recipes, and outfits styled to perfection, What Olivia Did is a must read. If old school retro with a girly twist sounds like your cup of tea, you won’t be able to stop scrolling through the pages of Olivia’s blog. Combining high-street buys with vintage gems, her style is easy to emulate. It’s not just beautiful clothing that’ll tickle your tastebuds on Olivia’s blog, her easy-to-follow stepby-step recipes mean anybody can whip up a cake worthy of an Instagram snap. whatoliviadid.com
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Vivienne Westwood
t 72 years old, Vivienne Westwood is still designing some of the most sought after collections in British Fashion every sea-
son. Collaborating with then-boyfriend Malcom Maclaren of punk band Sex Pistols, Westwood was largely responsible for punk in fashion in the 80s. She has been awarded an OBE, a DBE, and British Designer of the Year twice. Her designs are still punk influenced, with androgynous structures and tartan creeping into many of her collections. Vivienne is best known for shaping the style of modern punk, her fiery hair and outspoken attitude, and her distinct tailoring techniques.
The Courier
fashion.17
Monday 25 November 2013
thecourieronline.co.uk/fashion c2.fashion@ncl.ac.uk | @Courier_Fashion
Man vs. clothes
Rachel Britton and Tom Bromhead discuss whether men should be taking the plunge or keeping it modest with this controversial item man Top
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RACHEL
think that I speak for the majority of women when I say that I hate seeing men wearing deep V neck t-shirts. Don’t get me wrong, I think regular V necks are great – a style staple even – but I just can’t get my head around this strange trend of ultra low-cut t-shirts, along with the ridiculous man cleavage epidemic they have caused. I understand that they are popular with the lads from Geordie Shore and various other celebrity trendsetters and therefore some men want to emulate their looks but, in reality, the majority of these fashion followers don’t have the right physiques to pull off this controversial item. While I don’t condone the wearing of these chest-baring monstrosities at the best of times, they look even
worse when the wearer barely fills the shirt and walks round showing off his protruding collarbones and barely-there pecs. More disturbing than this even, is my suspicion that many guys just wear them as an excuse to parade their chest hair. Despite my hatred for these t-shirts, I admit that they probably look the least offensive on particularly muscular men. However, even on a man with the body of Channing Tatum, I would find the deep V neck a huge turn off purely because it suggests to me that the man wearing it is vain and arrogant. It is the male equivalent of a girl wearing a skin-tight, low-cut, micro mini dress - sure, it shows off your figure, but it’s neither subtle nor sexy.
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hese t-shirts are obviously quite popular at the moment and I don’t have any strong feelings for or against them. I think they’re a practical item to own as you can wear them with anything and they’re really comfortable, especially in the summer because of the thin, lightweight material that they’re made from, which makes them great for keeping cool. I would definitely wear a deep V neck t-shirt and think that they’re a good choice to wear on a night out because, although they are quite basic, they’re in fashion at the moment and look particularly good with jeans. However, I don’t think that these t-shirts suit everyone. Personally, I think that they look stupid on really skinny people with no muscles because
TOM they are designed to be tight-fitting, but they just look baggy and unflattering. On the other hand, even though they probably look best on people who have big muscles and spend most of their time at the gym, these are generally the type of people who walk round in these t-shirts even when it’s freezing cold - just because they want to show off their muscles. I think that the reason why a lot of people dislike this particular style of t-shirt is because they associate them with these lads. I know that there a many girls who dislike deep V neck t-shirts and I don’t really understand why, however their opinions don’t really put me off wearing them as I still consider them to be a fashionable item of clothing.
Knight in day-glo armour
Satchels are an essential accessory for any fashion savvy student, and the RAG fashion show saw models sporting Lancelot Knight’s neon answer to the classic school-bag style
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itting on the front row of this year’s RAG charity fashion show, one thing in particular caught my eye (besides the semi-naked men, of course). I was a little sceptical about the sachtel at first; I didn’t think I could pull off the preppy, structured style. However, available on the high-street in pretty much any pattern, colour or size you can imagine, when I spotted these neon satchels being sported on the catwalk, I was instantly converted. For me, they outshone every other accessory on the catwalk, shining over the stage lights and attracting the attention of every member of the audience. When shopping for the perfect investment piece, pretty much every satchel on the shelf was identical, and the majority of them were crafted from brown leather, meaning it would be rather difficult to stand out from the crowd or make an impact. However, the brand showcasing these bright beauties was Lancelot Knight. Local to the North East, they use the ‘finest English leather’ and plenty of TOM to create their ver‘innovation and sophistication’ sion of the classic satchel.
The Vestry £30
Primark £9
Not only are these satchels unique due to their brilliantly bright colour, but the way the leather ages with use adds a touch of character and personality to the piece. The very fact these bags age over time only goes to prove how durable and long lasting they are. Not only are they durable, they’re versatile too. Wear with a monochrome look to add a pop of colour or, for the more daring, pair with a clashing shade of neon or pattern to really make an impact. Making the focus of your outfit the colour pop satchel means you can experiment with textures in the other elements of your look. Black fur is huge this autumn/winter and is perfect for layering. The Vestry ‘spotty satchel’ is perfect for those of us who want to add a bit of excitement to a dull look, but are a little afraid of colour. If, like me, you’ve been reluctant to invest in a satchel, it’s definitely worth taking a peek at the vast amount of colours, shapes, and designs avaliable on the high-street. I can guarantee you won’t be able to say no.
18. fashion
Monday 25 November 2013
The Courier
Fashion Editors: Frances Stephenson and Amy O’Rourke Deputy Fashion Editor: Bex Finney
Industry Confessions of a fashion intern Davidson talks about the home truths of being a fashion intern: insider Kathy what to expect, who to please and how to get to the top Anna Goodman-Jones lets us in on the secrets of getting an internship in the daunting world of fashion
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Do your research. Whether it be emerging designers or models, new trends or up-and-coming collections, the fashion industry revolves around constant change. Keeping up to date with the current Who and What in fashion news is an important part of being in the industry. With this in mind, it’s not all about designers and collections. If you’re after a job at a magazine, research the editors, or if it’s a PR position that has caught your eye then research their clients. Being equipped with extra knowledge will not only increase your confidence but it will show the company that you are genuinely interested and a hard-worker.
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Take as many opportunities as you can. Many jobs in the fashion industry can seem more glamorous and exclusive than they really are. Starting out as an intern means a world of celebrities, prestige and freebies is unfortunately unlikely. Be prepared to start at the bottom (à la Drake), and approach a job based around coffee-runs and returns like you would your first major article. In an industry where you need experience to gain experience, even the smallest opportunity can make your CV stand out, and you never know where it could lead or what skills it could gain you.
“Be prepared to start at the bottom...even the smallest opportunity can make your CV stand out”
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f I had a pound for every time someone asked me why I study Ancient History and Archaeology but I want to be a fashion journalist, I kid you not; I would be rolling in it. It’s getting a little tiresome having to explain it. First and foremost anyone in the media industry will tell you it’s experience that counts; you won’t become a top journalist just because you have a degree in it. Secondly, studying English or History is a fantastic way to show you can write (and I mean really write, like properly). I’ve just got back from a month interning in London at Look magazine and I can quite happily say I haven’t been put off from the industry, however I can’t tell you how important it is to try
“I got to put together pieces for the website, assist on shoots and spent my days surrounded by clothes”
before you buy (or plunge into this career path, you know what I mean). I was hit with a few home truths though; it’s going to take a lot of interning (and I mean years) before I get to where I want to be. It doesn’t matter
what you’ve studied or which university you went to, you need to prove yourself. While they admittedly told me it’s hard to shine from the fashion cupboard, interning is all about making contacts (which I now thankfully have, I’m a big name in London don’t you know). In the fashion industry especially jobs aren’t advertised online, it’s all about word of mouth and being recommended. They really don’t like to make it easy for you. Making a good impression is vital. Magazines and newspapers talk to each other and they won’t have any issue with being completely honest with one another when it comes to your performance, pretty cut throat I know. Although I’m making it sound like it was all a bit Devil Wears Prada it does have its perks. For example, if you happen to be an avid reader of Look flip to the High Street Catwalk page of this week’s issue, look at the tiny credits at the bottom right and voila you will see yours truly. While this probably means nothing the 99.9% of the population (The other 0.1% being my Mum & Dad) it’s going to look pretty swanky in my portfolio. While it is hard work and you do get given all the jobs no one else wants to do if you do these well you get to do the fun stuff. I got to put together pieces for the website, assist on shoots and spend my days
“It doesn’t matter what you’ve studied or which university you went to, you need to prove yourself” that can be easily overlooked (and big publications get hundreds, no joke). Also make sure you’re writing to the correct person, which is usually the editor’s assistant. This is really easy to find either on their website or in a copy of the magazine or newspaper in the credits. And finally my last tip is persistence. If you get offered an internship straight away great, you’ve been ridiculously lucky. But sometimes persistence is respected, either that or they get so sick of getting your letters they just offer you some experience. Either way, you’re in there.
Dress your way to success The Fashion Editors put together two outfits to make sure you stand out at an interview, for all the right reasons
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Be proactive and network. Don’t be afraid to email a specific magazine or company about potential opportunities. I was always slightly intimidated by people saying ‘it’s about who you know’ as I moved to the UK recently and knew no-one when I arrived, but I still managed to get some amazing opportunities! People are inclined to actively give you their details if you want to keep in touch or need a reference. Most of them will have been in your position before. Introduce yourself at events and network where you can, as many brands and companies work with each other often.
LOOK ONE
LOOK TWO
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Don’t give up! It may sound obvious, but embrace rejection, learn from your mistakes and keep trying. Keep your CV and cover letter up-to-date and specific to the job you are applying for, and don’t be put off if you aren’t getting many replies! Some companies keep emails aside and call on people as and when they need them, which can be months down the line. Create specific goals and review them regularly, or create a precise plan of where you want to end up in the next year or two. If you know what you want and keep focused on it, it is more likely your passion and drive will come out, and you will also notice opportunities that can help increase your chances of success.
surrounded by clothes that aren’t even in stores yet (My wish list is now uncontrollably long). My best tip for getting an internship (No matter what you study) is to apply in writing. Let’s get old school. A hand written letter on some fancy paper is going to be noticed in comparison to an e-mail
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n interview with an employer is usually when they make their first impression of you, therefore making a good impression is essential. The first outfit we’ve put together will make sure you stand out for all the right reasons. Pairing a colour pop piece with muted accessories ensures you look sophisticated for the interview but allows for a cheeky cocktail or two to calm those post interview nerves. The loose style of the dress avoids the
dilemmna of dressing too provocitavely, but the belt still makes sure the waist is accentuated to keep a flattering shape. Adding a statement necklace adds a touch of glamour, without going OTT. The second look we’ve compiled is all about keeping it simple using an on trend print without looking too garish. It’s okay to use print but keep it to a minimum by choosing one key piece. The blazer, shirt and shoes keep the outfit looking professional with the tartan trousers giving a fun edge. Keeping make-up nude and fresh is a must; try to avoid bright eyeshadows, blush and red lips are definitely a danger zone.
Blazer; Missguided £29.99 Trousers; Topshop £42 Shirt; La Redoute £29 Brogues; Marks and Spencer £165 Dress; Topshop £45 Belt; Debenhams £30
The Courier
beauty feature.19
Monday 25 November 2013
Beauty Editors: Safiya Ahmed and Amy Macauley
Men vs makeup
The Beauty Editors bravely offered up the contents of their makeup bags (and their faces) to Deputy Editor Tom Nicholson and Culture Editor Sam Summers. They had the challenge of doing their makeup for a night out; see what ensued below...
Tom and Safiya
Sam and Amy
The look he was going for: ‘Elegant and distinguished, like a silent film star. Someone you would pay attention to if they were giving a speech.’ The look he was going for: ‘Very aggressive, very confrontational but with a kind soft vulnerability around the cheekbones.’ You may remember Tom as having done former Beauty Editor Annie Morgan’s makeup last year, and since then he has come a long way. Definitely feeling and looking much less terrified than Sam, Tom managed to hold it together until he did the lips, where he went slightly off track. Nevertheless, he made a fantastic effort and we agreed that Safiya would definitely look passable under dimmed lights.
As a complete novice to the art of makeup, Sam was at a certain disadvantage throughout the exercise. Nevertheless, he threw himself into the challenge enthusiastically. Unfortunately this over-enthusiasm may have been more than apparent in the finished product.
Face
How he did it: Sam began the process of making Amy ‘beautiful’ by using a blusher brush to apply ‘base’ (which is apparently different from foundation) to her face in what can only be described as a ‘wiping’ motion. How the beauty editors do it: Generally, using a foundation brush is a good start. A stippling brush is a fantastic tool that really buffs foundation into the skin so you only have to use a really small amount.
Eyes
How he did it: Tom rather sensibly went for foundation first because, in his own words, ‘That’s what buildings have at the bottom.’ Can’t get much fairer than that. How the beauty editors do it: We can’t really argue with Tom’s logical approach to makeup, and can only add that as well as foundation, concealer can also be used to even out any blemishes or dark circles underneath the eyes.
How he did it: Using a rather interesting ‘poking’ technique, Sam used the darkest colour he could find and went wild. With complete and utter disrespect for where the eye area began and ended, he poked it on right up to the eyebrow, which he then proceeded to fill in with black eyeliner. How the beauty editors do it: For a simple eye makeup look, you only really need a light, medium and dark shade of your choice. Apply the lightest colour above the crease and in the inner corners. Take a medium colour and apply across the entire eyelid, then use your darkest colour and apply in the crease area and in the outer corner of the eye.
Eyes
Lips
Face
How he did it: The shade ‘gunmetal’ was the shade of choice for Safiya’s eyeshadow, as Tom wanted her to look action-packed, rather like a BMW or an Audi. He used his thumbs through sheer terror of poking one of Safiya’s eyeballs out. How the beauty editors do it: We applaud Tom’s decision to use Urban Decay’s Naked palette, as it is one of our favourite beauty buys, however we generally like to use a range of blending and shading brushes to keep the look a little more polished.
Lips
How he did it: Tom used light red lipstick to make the ‘bottom half of Safiya’s face pop.’ He also said that the red lipstick would compliment the gunmetal shade, as Tom is rather fond of blood splashed on cars. How the beauty editors do it: Top marks to Tom for trying to compliment the eyes with the lips, however the names of the shades sadly do not tend to be a sure way of identifying this.
How he did it: To accentuate the drama of the black eye makeup, Sam chose the darkest lip colour he could possibly find. Again, with blatant disregard for the outlines of Amy’s lips, he chose to smear it on back and forth until her mouth resembled something like The Joker. How the beauty editors do it: when applying lip colour, for a more precise look a lip brush is essential. It gives a more precise touch and allows colour to be built up gradually.
Verdict: Tom wins
For a fair verdict we had to take all factors into consideration, such as the fact that Tom has had some experience as an amateur makeup ‘artiste’. However, bearing in mind techniques used, overall look and general understanding of makeup, we decided to declare Tom the winner. To his credit, he created a look that may not be suitable for a casual day in lectures, but Safiya certainly didn’t offend anyone with her garish lipstick. Amy proved to be an entirely different kettle of fish, working the ‘just been punched’ eye makeup theme. This look has so many things wrong with it; from the odd grey tinge of her skin, on to the carelessly applied lip colour, Sam’s finished piece sadly did not reflect the hard work and preparation that he put into this challenge. However, hopefully with a bit more practice Sam will be giving the MAC girls a run for their money.
Watch the video online courtesy of TCTV at www.thecourieronline.co.uk/beauty
20.beauty
Monday 25 November 2013
The Courier
Beauty Editors: Safiya Ahmed and Amy Macauley
Gladrags Fashion Show: Behind the scenes The Beauty Editors Safiya Ahmed and Amy Macauley had the privilege of doing the make-up for the Gladrags Fashion Show this year which was organised by RAG. We kept the base and eyes the same on all the models and changed the lips to compliment each different outfit. With the bright lighting in the venue we decided to go for strong eyes and lips. Eyes: We went for gold and brown smokey eyes, dark defined brows, and big lashes. Lips: The lips were big and bold. We used a range of colours from deep berry tones to bright reds, pinks and oranges. Here are a few pictures from behind the scenes and the finished looks.
Bollywood glamour
Kirat Sagoo talks us through the celebrated Bollywood beauty. Unleash your inner diva by doing this dramatic and eye-catching look. The vibrant colours makes this trend one that is sure to turn heads
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appy birthday Bollywood! This year marks the centenary of Hollywood’s bold and beautiful Eastern sister. Also known as the Indian film industry, Bollywood has united audiences across the world with thousands of visually spectacular musical productions. In these showcases of Indian culture the focus often falls onto the actress to look stunning whether she plays a sharpsuited business woman or a simple village girl. So grab your saris, here are some features of a traditional I n d i a n look. T h e classic cat eye is a dramatic way o f emphasisi n g the eyes and
forms the focal point of almost every look. The presence of ‘kajal’ or ‘surma’ has carried through from early black and white films to modern day cinema. To recreate this, apply your everyday foundation base along with concealer and curl your eyelashes. Next, add a few dots of Urban Decay Primer Potion on top of each eyelid and pat a neutral shade on top to complete the base. Apply a bronze/gold shimmer for some on trend Bollywood glamour - the new Rimmel crayon in Bulletproof Beige is perfect for this. To create the line, first mark a point on the outer corner of your eye- this is the end of the ‘flick’. Now use a black liquid liner with a fine point and starting from the inner corner of the eye follow the lash line, to the point. To intensify the look, colour in the waterline with a black pencil eyeliner and add a slick of lash-lifting mascara to finish! Even with this level of intensity in the eyes, you can still wear pretty much any lip colour. To play the innocent victim keep to a neutral shade but a deep red is more traditional and often worn by vamps. Enter: M.A.C.’s gorgeous Russian Red lipstick. Keep cheeks looking healthy but not overdone with some basic contouring under the cheek bone with Bourjois’ Chocolate Bronzer. Now who’s up for some facial accessories? Bindis! The classic ‘bindi’ is a dot of colour which is placed in between the eyebrows. It is worn to signify protection for the family; it also marks a focal point for energy during meditation. Have fun looking at little sticker bindis which can be found in many Indian shops in a variety of colours and shapes to match your dress. To round off the look and become the ultimate screen goddess, invest in some intensive hair care treatment. I hear you…my student budget screams at salon prices too! All it takes is a little coconut oil (available from Holland & Barrett) massaged well into the scalp before shampooing and voila! Long luscious tresses. Or in my case short… shiny hair? There goes my lights, camera, action.
Bollywood may be over the top at times but it empowers us with the message that anything is possible. It has driven colour and confidence through a beautiful nation which has had its fair share of bad times. So make a four hour date with an emotional rollercoaster. Pay a little homage to Bollywood. You might cramp up but at the very least it’ll make you smile.
English rose in bloom
It’s a classic look supported by the likes of the Duchess of Cambridge, Keira Knightley, and Emma Watson. Alice Potts talks us through the natural look that exudes British beauty in the subtlest of ways
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s we leave autumn and approach winter the trend of the English rose has blossomed. Rosy cheeks and just-kissed lips are the centre of this look. It is also a versatile trend, make up artist Jodie Kidd explains “Although it’s typically associated with fair skin, the English rose is a look all skin tones can draw inspiration from”. Olive-toned skin should use pale neutrals in buttery creams for the eyes, whilst darker skins can
draw from chocolate brown, coffee, praline and taupe for a ‘no make-up’ look. Championed by the likes of Rosie HuntingtonWhitely, Lily Cole, and Kate Middleton, it’s a natural look that exudes British beauty in the most subtle of ways. Dewy skin is essential to achieve that fresh natural glow. Foundation should be nonmatte and bronzer should be kept to a minimum. This look focuses on blusher swirled on the apples of cheeks to give a subtle flushed look. Dandelion by Benefit is the perfect tawny shade to create that ‘no make-up’ effect. For a more youthful finish, opt for a cheek stain, and blend along the cheekbones for a pretty, doll-like finish. M.A.C’s Creamblend Blush in So Sweet, So Easy creates that creamy glow. Eyes only need a sweeping of colour across the lids in a pearly sheer white to brighten the eye and make the pink cheek and lip pop. This can be finished with a flick of black gel eyeliner. Curling eyelashes are essential to create that child-like, girly look, and lashings of mascara to enhance lashes. Lips should be soft, plumped and moisturised before applying your lip-stain and Maybelline’s Baby Lips is ideal for this. For a more high end option, Illamasqua do a great lipstick in the shade Test and Fable, but for a high-street choice Rimmel does a perfect nude shade in Nude Delight 700. Smudging the lipstick on your finger and finishing with lip-gloss will create plumped up natural lips. Highlighting completes the English rose; Nars Illuminator in Copacabana is ideal for ‘lighting the skin from within’. Apply this along the cheekbones and dab on the cupid’s bow of the lip to enhance the complexion with shimmering incandescence.
The Courier
beauty.21
Monday 25 November
thecourieronline.co.uk/beauty courier.beauty@ncl.ac.uk | @Courier_Beauty
Blokey Beauty: Movember The power of the beard
With a great beard comes great responsibility. Sam Summers shares his experiences and the wisdom which his face fuzz has brought to him
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wo weeks ago, long distance swimmer Sean Conway emerged from the ocean at John O’Groats, having become the first man to swim the length of Great Britain. When he entered the sea in June at Land’s End, he was clean-shaven. When he emerged, he was a bearded man. Some would have you believe that Sean’s immense ginger monolith is simply the natural result of going four and a half
months without putting razor to chin. The man himself would tell you that he decided to grow it to keep jellyfish out of his face. While that explanation is indeed troll-punchingly badass, an epic tale of man vs. beast with only half a metre of solid bronze pelt between them, I think we can all agree what really happened here. When someone does something so manly — swimming the length of a country, say, or climbing out of a lion’s mouth clutching its still-beating heart in your granite man-fist — it would be an embarrassing injustice for him to continue clean-shaven, the Beard Gods intervene, and that man is instantly granted a bosstronomical seven-inch beard-strosity. Of course, that’s one way of going about it. The easy way, you might say. Now, I’m not trying to call Sean Conway some kind of pussy, but having been blessed with his beard in his thirties as a gift from Beard Zeus, he never had to go through comp with pathetic little tufts of fail sprouting from his lip and chin. ‘Bumfluff ’, they called me. ‘Minge’, they jeered. It was traumatic. I was forced to shave away my burgeoning beard, shave away who I really was, week after week for five long years. Imagine waking up every morning and having to take a tiny vibrating blade to your soul. Come 2011, I was in freshman year and still fresh-faced. Now that I was at uni, I started to notice that there was a fair few men with beards knocking around. Not loads, mind you, as not everyone has what we call ‘the gift’, but a fair few. I began to realise that what I had was indeed a gift, a blessing, something I had no need to conceal. I bought a beard trimmer — because I’m not some kind of animal — and resolved to grow a beard. Here’s something to think about whenever you see a fella with a decent bit of facial hair: at some point in that man’s life, he sat down and made the conscious decision to leave the ranks of ordinary men and become a man with a beard. That is not a decision made lightly. It can change your life, for better or for worse. Some
poor lost souls commit to growing a beard, only to find that they can only muster a patchy bit of mess, sort of like a map of the world, if the land was made of hair and the map looked like a bell-end. Even for those lucky few who make it through patch purgatory with their dignity intact, you never know how good, or how bad, your beard will look. Luckily, mine looks fucking amazing. My humble number is a far cry from Conway’s vast, flaming behemoth, and it has certainly fought less jellyfish, but its brought me power, riches, a beautiful woman and the respect of strangers, all in two short years. Fellas, you too could have all of this, if you can overcome what we in the community call ‘the fear’. Just put the razor aside for a few months and see what happens. Whey, if nothing comes of it, it’s not the end of the world. It doesn’t matter if you have the beard on the outside, as long as you’ve got the beard on the inside.
As the penultimate week of Movember commences, we catch up with our three Mo’ Bros
Bog Standard Tom
We ask the girls of Newcastle University what they really think of a man with a beard. “Power (?), riches (?), a beautiful woman (eh?!), and the respect of strangers (nope), all in two short years.” What a prick. Lydia Carroll - Sam’s girlfriend When it comes to facial hair on boys there’s a fine line between what’s okay and what’s not. I don’t want to be kissing someone to find bits of their dinner from last night! Lizzie Hampson Facial hair is almost always a good look on a boy, but if it’s not kept tidy and well-groomed you run the risk of looking like a mess. Stubble is also a winner, but no patchy business please! Jasmit Flora Facial hair has the ability to turn a boy into a man but also a man into an ape. Millie Walton I think a bit of stubble on a guy is attractive. But a full on beard is a bit too much for me. Amy O’Rouke
Movember Watch: Week 3 Clean-Shaven Ed
Is a mo’ a no-go?
Top Contender Tom
Facial hair can look hot as long as it’s tame and the side burns aren’t anywhere near Bradley Wiggins territory! Although stubble rash from kissing is the absolute worst as you look like you’ve slept on a hedgehog! Hazel Parnell Facial hair can turn a total nottie into a complete hottie. Safiya Ahmed Rustic. Beth Durant
Movember events Celebrate the commencement of Movember with your fellow mo’growing bros and Newcastle University’s moustache society
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fter much abuse, Clean Shaven Ed set out to prove the doubters wrong, requesting a potentially eye-opening zoom-in shot. A cynic might say that all you get here is a better view of Ed’s stub of a nose and though that may be correct, fans argue that the upper lip is no longer looking as barren as it once did. An impressive turn of form here for Clean Shaven Ed. Could he turn out to be the victorious winner of the ‘tash battle in a glamorous Hollywood moment? Probably not, but nevertheless a great effort once again from Clean Shaven Ed.
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og Standard Tom’s mo is limping along distinctly averagely, even despite the fact that Clean Shaven Ed brought out the beard trimmers this week. It was not, as you might think, a vicious plot to sabotage the mo’, or even a friendly gesture to rid Bog Standard Tom of his mucky beard. For Ed, this attack was a chance to offer a haircut, and duly hash it up. Was this a genuine mistake or an effort to lower morale? Who knows. This was at first, three friends embarking on a mo’-venture, but oh boy how the plot has thickened.
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op Contender Tom does not dabble in the art of psychological warfare. He is above that, he lets his mouth do the talking, and as it talks there is a damn fine mo’ just sitting there, chilling, approving the mouth’s every word. Just look at it. As predicted at the start of the competition, Ed is still going strong, however, when the fateful beard chop comes next week this lone mo’ will look like the roof of a house standing on top of two freshly painted walls of shaven cheek. Or maybe it would, if that imagery made any sense.
Movember Pub Quiz Wednesday 20th @ 8.30pm Bar Loco 50p entry Movember Charity Gig Sunday 24th @ 7-11pm FREE entry End of Movember Party Saturday 30th The Newcastle University Moustache Society and CCTV have joined forces to bring you the Official End of Movember Party, sponsored by Movember UK!
Want to see an ad for your company or soceity here? Email [editor.union@ncl.ac.uk] for more details
The Courier
Monday 25 November 2013
25November-1Decemberlistings.23 thecourieronline.co.uk courier.listings@ncl.ac.uk | @Courier_Listings
Listings Birds On Your Doorstep
26th November Great North Museum: Hancock
Birds. Can’t live with them, can’t live without them. Well, maybe you can, but it’d be pretty bloody boring. ‘But how’, I hear you ask, ‘can I be expected to tell one bird from another?’ An excellent question, and one that bird expert Keith Bowey, author of Where To Watch Birds In Durham is ready to answer. Meet him over at the Great North Museum for an avian identification masterclass, and soon you too will know your cock from your tit. Tickets £15
Jack and the Beanstalk
Opens 26th November Theatre Royal
It’s panto season! The most wonderful time of the year, and nobody does it better than Danny Adams and Clive Webb over at the Theatre Royal. Also starring World class dame Chris Hayward co-stars in a show which promises to be as opulently spectacular as usual, this year thanks to a huge 3D giant. Tickets £11-31
Editors
Rent
Even if you haven’t kept up with them over the years, you’ve got to admit Editors had a couple of tunes back in the day. With hits like ‘Blood’, ‘Munich’, and ‘Smokers Outside The Hospital Doors’ they built up a well deserved fanbase. Their music has taken in a little dip in quality recently, as have their song titled – ‘Eat Raw Meat = Blood Drool’ anyone? – but they’re easily worth a few bob and an hour of your time. Check ‘em out. Tickets £22.50
It’s been 20 years since the first fateful performance of now-classic rock musical Rent, and it’s back with a bang at the Mill Volvo Tyne to celebrate. Rent: The 20th Anniversary Conert stars the ex-future-Jesus Christ and runner up on ITV’s Superstar Rory Taylor, and her out of Atomic Kitten. No, not her, the other one. No, the other other one. Natasha Hamilton. A must for any fan of the legendary show. Tickets £16-35
27th November O2 Academy
The Bad Samaritan Must Die! 28th November Star & Shadow Cinema
Not really sure what this film is supposed to be about, but it looks chuffing mental. Sort of like a cross between Kick-Ass and Leon with a gimp suit. It’s a fiver. Tickets £5
Songs and Stories 28th November City Library
A special event to launch this year’s Books on Tyne festival, Songs and Stories features David Almond, author of classics like Skellig and Kit’s Wilderness, and a true northern treasure if there ever was one. Almond joins singer-songwriter Jack Arthurs to take punters on a journey through, yes, stories and song, in what promises to be a magical evening. David Almond is still one of the most interesting writers working today, and has ties with the Newcastle Uni English department, so if you catch him after the show he might give you a hand with your revision as well. Tickets £5
28th November Mill Volvo Tyne Theatre
Happy Mondays 28th November O2 Academy
You’re twisting my melon man! Call the cops! ...and so forth. Yes, it’s Shaun, Bez, probably Paul and the rest, ready to help you have a very happy Thursday. Bust out your maracas and your freaky dancing and come kick it with these indie-dance pioneers. With songs like ‘Step On’, ‘Kinky Afro’ and ‘Hallelujah’, they’re sure to have you partying for, if not quite 24 hours, then something close. £28
Greg Davies 29th November City Hall
Best known for playing the lanky and terrifying Mr Gilbert on The Inbetweeners, Inbetweeners as well as co-starring with Andy Samberg in BBC3’s Cuckoo,, Greg Davies is also an excellent stand up comic. Bringing his bafflingly-yet-appealingly titled The Back Of My Mum’s Head show to Newcastle, expect some appropriately surreal humour, and also to be slightly frightened of him throughout. Tickets £25
Slade & Sweet
29th November The Sage Gateshead
IT’S CHRIIISTMAAAS. You know what that means? It means it’s time to hop in your sled and slide on down to The Sage to catch legendary glam rockers Slade, is what it means. Not only that, but your dad’s favourite festive band have only gone and pulled a McBusted, teaming up with fellow sparkly ‘70s superstars Sweet, known for their number one hit ‘Block Buster!’, and also for their jumpsuits, but that goes without saying. Sadly, Slade frontman and part-time nut salesman Noddy Holder is sitting out, Charlie Simpson style, meaning this will be a mirrored-hat-and-bellowing-free show. Tickets £25-27
Thomas Bewick Opens 30th November Laing Art Gallery
If the boatman wasn’t nearby to take him across the Tyne, John Bewick would pop to a nearby bush, extract the four stilts secreted within, strap them to his arms and legs, and walk across. If this alone isn’t enough to get you to the Laing Gallery to see his exhibition, then I don’t know what will. A master of small scale wood engravings, this exhibition displays a range of work from both Bewick and his apprentices, so it’s the perfect introduction to the work of this revered stilt-walking nutter. Free Entry
24.arts
Monday 25 November 2013
The Courier
Arts Editors: Millie Walton and Charlie Dearnley Deputy Arts Editor: Laura Wotton
Block Rockin’ Beats
My Five Favourite Literary References to Snow and Where
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t can’t have escaped most people’s attention that we had our first flurry of snow today – even if you missed the few flakes which crept timidly past our windows, the avalanche of Facebook statuses they set into motion was difficult to ignore. As the first of December approaches it is inevitable that this tantalising glimpse of snow will renew our annual hope of ‘a white Christmas’ actually becoming reality. But just in case Frank Sinatra’s prophesy remains unfulfilled, here are five of my favourite excerpts from snowy literature and some suggestions of where best to enjoy them in Newcastle.
1. Stopping By Woods on a Snowy Evening - Robert Frost Best Enjoyed: On a walk in Jesmond Dene. ‘Whose woods these are I think I know. His house is in the village though; He will not see me stopping here To watch his woods fill up with snow. The woods are lovely, dark and deep. But I have promises to keep, And miles to go before I sleep, And miles to go before I sleep.’
2. The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe – C.S. Lewis
Best Enjoyed: After a visit to the Fenwick’s Christmas windows. ‘“This must be a simply enormous wardrobe!” thought Lucy, going still further in and pushing the soft folds of the coats aside to make room for her. Then she noticed that there was something crunching under her feet. “I wonder is that more mothballs?” she thought, stooping down to feel it with her hand. But instead of feeling the hard, smooth wood of the floor of the wardrobe, she felt something soft and powdery and extremely cold. “This is very queer,” she said, and went on a step or two further.’
3. Catcher in the Rye – J.D. Salinger
Best Enjoyed: Anywhere you can be alone and
moody. ‘I went over to my window and opened it and packed a snowball with my bare hands. The snow was very good for packing. I didn’t throw it at anything, though. I started to throw it. At a car that was parked across the street. But I changed my mind. The car looked so nice and white. Then I started to throw it at a hydrant, but that looked too nice and white, too. Finally I didn’t throw it at anything. All I did was close the window and walk around the room with the snowball, packing it harder. A little while later, I still had it with me when I and Brossard and Ackley got on the bus. The bus driver opened the doors and made me throw it out. I told him I wasn’t going to chuck it at anybody, but he wouldn’t believe me. People never believe you.’
4. The Dead - James Joyce
Best Enjoyed: After a visit to the Cathe-
dral Church of St. Nicholas which has amazing stained glass windows and a candle lit carol concert. ‘His soul swooned slowly as he heard the snow falling faintly through the universe and faintly falling, like the descent of their last end, upon all the living and the dead.’
5. The Dharma Bums – Jack Kerouac
Best Enjoyed: On the sofas at the Radcliffe Café
Gallery, one of the most underrated café’s in Newcastle. ‘It was beautiful to be back in the snow at Christmas time, the little lights in occasional farm windows, the quiet woods, the piney barrens so naked and drear, the railroad track that ran off into the gray blue woods toward my dream.’ Imogen Lepere
QUOTES SO SIMPLE:
In anticipation of his return to Newcastle, Evgeniya Boykova chatted to Kieran Hurley, the creator and performer of Beats about mythologising 90s rave and the importance of his audiences
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heatre, techno and innovative art lovers will all glad to hear Kieran Hurley’s award winning play ‘Beats’ will once again grace the ‘Live Theatre stage’ with two performances at the end of this month. We caught up with Kieran to discuss his success and how he envisages the techno tale. Set against the backdrop of desolate postindustrial Scotland the plot follows Johno McC r e a d i e ’s teenage struggle for freedom and acceptance. It’s a comingof-age tale, but it has the unique ability to also resonate with a much wider audience. “One of the most gratifying things for me is in noticing the wide range of different people that respond to it, from different age groups, and all sorts of walks of life.” Central to the plot is the Criminal Justice Act of 1994 that effectively outlawed raves by prohibiting public gatherings around amplified music. This poignant period in the history of techno music serves to present bigger themes of state repression, youth’s longing, police violence and group euphoria with the help of ‘lots of techno’ by DJ Hushpuppy and impressive visuals by Jamie Wardrop. Kieran claims he wanted to document “the essence, not of a political movement, but of that specific hedonistic movement as a starting point in the journey of young techno fans and rave goers to find their voice.” The young writer/performer explains that the techno music culture represented in the play is “a vehicle for the discussions that emerge around the subthemes of communal space, community, electronic culture; being a teenager.”
Kieran also predicts that the time period ‘Beats’ focuses on – the 90s rave era - will come to be represented more in art. He sees this historic moment as “good for mythology” and suspects that future audiences will see more people try to make sense of it; “even romanticise or mythologise it”. Kieran reminds us that the many subtopics in ‘Beats’ - techno raves, rebelling, substance abuse to name a few – “are parts of the same landscape, parts of each other that create the larger image of a simple story”. Kieran is excited about soon returning to the Newcastle stage with a developed, longer and better ‘Beats’. When the play first hit
“Its meaning is created in the interaction with the live audience.”
the Toon it was in the form of an “early, early” 20 minute version, but “it’s grown up now”. Kieran, who wrote the piece and performs all three roles (young Johno, his mother and a policeman), keeps fond memories of an encouraging and responsive audience on the Geordie riverbanks. When asked about his inspiration, Kieran states simply that “it was very natural to create ‘Beats’, a natural creative process”. Being a full time play writer and regular theatre actor now, however, has proven demanding for
the young Scottish talent. His secret in juggling both occupations “lies in having great collaborators to help manage the yearly schedule of professional engagements”. I ask Kieran if there’s any particular message he hopes the play will convey: “if the play could be reduced to one sentence, it would not be a good one, there would be no point in coming to see the play, its meaning is created in the interaction with the live audience”. He’s keen to meet and learn more from his audiences. “Come and talk to me after, I’m looking forward to hear what you think, you can ask me anything”. It’s easy to see why this young performer has received so much critical acclaim, he’s likeable, hugely talented and possesses a rare creativity. Kieran Hurley is definitely a name to keep your eye on in the future. Be sure not to miss your chance to see his energetic performance whilst he’s in Newcastle.
‘Beats’ is showing on 29 and 30 November at 7.30pm at the Live Theatre. Tickets are now on sale, prices range from £10-£14 (£5 concessions). Images: Niall Walker Text: Evgeniya Boykova
Desert island books
Arts Editor Charlie Dearnley picks five books to pack in his suitcase headed to a remote island removed from all civilisation The Hobbit J.R.R Tolkein
Nineteen Eighty-Four George Orwell
Vitamin 3D Anne Ellegood
s a child my parents forbade me from reading The Hobbit until I was ‘old enough.’ This resulted in a fair amount of childish anger until I was distracted by a nearby colourful toy, and when the day came that they finally presented me with the glorious tale of Bilbo’s adventures to the lonely mountain, i jumped up and down a bit, then read it three times. It never gets old.
tranded on a deserted island by myself, it would be nice to be reminded of the ruin that community can birth. It might be occasionally nice to be shown the awful potentiality of society, who knows, it might even make me glad to be by myself. With only myself to accommodate and govern, I could name myself emperor, and if I want 2 plus 2 to make 5 then no one can say otherwise.
o one has vividly described the aesthetics of the particular desert island I’ve been stranded on so I have decided that a picture book is a great idea. Vitamin 3D is an incredible collection of contemporary sculpture and installation, with every page oozing a chic and gorgeous simplicity. If I were ever to get sick of the coconut riddled golden beaches, it would be nice to have a beautiful collection of sublime images to delve into.
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National Geographic
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’m aware this is breaking the rules just a little bit, but if possible I would like a lifetime subscription to National Geographic... please. I suppose it could float over in bottles each month to remove the chance of any human contact? It would provide me with some escapism, and some really lovely pictures of animals. It might even provide some island design ideas, allowing for some home improvement.
“Power is not a means; it is an end. One does not establish a dictatorship in order to safeguard a revolution; one makes the revolution in order to establish the dictatorship. The object of persecution is persecution. The object of torture is torture. The object of power is power” George Orwell, ‘Nineteen Eighty-Four’
The Courier
arts.25
Monday 25 November 2013
Pic of the Week
previews
#nclarts
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ach week we choose the best arty instagram pic to feature in the paper. Whether it’s taken on campus, on a night out or in your own house, we want your snaps! Simply hashtag #nclarts and we’ll pick a weekly winner. Besides featuring in an award winning paper, the winning pic is worth a delicious bag of sweets too. Get instagram-ing folks! This week’s winning pic is ‘Lumiere’ by
Viki Monk
This week Ollie May reviews the Scrumpy Willow and the Singing Kettle
Hidden away on Clayton Street near the station, this little coffee shop is a real find. I’d heard good things about it and wasn’t disappointed. Sitting down in the window with a cappuccino, tapping away on my laptop I couldn’t help thinking I’d finally reached the dizzy heights of life as a third year English Literature student. On entering you get that real homely vibe downstairs is quite small and cosy, and the walls are covered with some great art including a few ink illustrations by a local artist called Stewart Johnson, including one really nice image of the Baltic, and some Picasso-esque oil paintings. All in all, a great little place tucked away off the beaten track – well worth a visit. Read Ollie’s full review online: www.thecourieronline.co.uk/arts
A writer’s retreat
Collaborators
Bo Burnham: What
UTS kicks off December with their production of British playwright, John Hodge’s award-winning ‘Collaborators’. The story takes place in Moscow in the years 1938 to 1940 following the struggles of playwright, Mikhail Bulgakov as he attempts to produce work in a dangerous era of censorship. Cornered by secret police, Bulgakov is asked to write a play about Stalin in celebration of his sixtieth birthday. His acceptance leads to a lethal game of cat and mouse as the writer loses himself in a macabre and unnervingly comic relationship with the powerful protagonist of his drama. The predominantly male cast welcomes familiar faces Jake Houghton (Mikhail Bulgakov) Christian Cargill, Liv Bader and Annelies de Jong back onto the stage alongside some fresh talent to make for a powerful production directed by Max Elton. It’s probably the most serious of plays on the NUTS winter bill, but done well it could also be one of the best. Tickets always sell fast for the NUTS productions so be sure not to miss out on what promises to be an intense and impressive piece of drama.
urnham started out on YouTube, performing his ‘pubescent musical comedy’, with his views eventually reaching over 70 million. In 2010 he won the Edinburgh Fringe ‘Panel Prize’. Naturally, I went in with pretty high expectations. Luckily, Burnham delivered. Mixing intelligent wordplay with some fairly controversial stuff – Hitler, Anne Frank and the JFK assassination all feature – Burnham never lets pretentiousness get in the way of a good laugh, which he has a natural instinct for eliciting. Perhaps the best examples of his diversity are the two songs ‘Love is’ and ‘Repeat Stuff ’. The former is a collection of punch lines disguising a subtle musing on love, whilst the latter takes vitriolic aim at the music industry. George Carlin’s influence is evident when Burnham moves onto bigger topics – psychology, God etc – and there’s a heavy serving of meta-comedy (Not surprising for a comedian who epitomises the YouTube generation). The worst criticism I could give is that occasionally – and only occasionally – the show can feel a little over-structured, and at just over an hour, is not the longest. Still, the standing ovation from the audience tells you all you need to know. George Severs
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Millie Walton
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Mill Volvo Tyne 13 November
Henry V
No Sex Please We’re British
St. Luke’s Church 28-30 November
Northern Stage 3 25-27 November
ollowing its Musical ‘Guys and Dolls’, Newcastle University Theatre Society continues its First Semester Season of plays with Alistair Foot and Anthony Marriot’s ‘No Sex Please, We’re British’, directed by third-year Society member Lizzy Carr. This classic British farce is centred on the marriage of assistant bank manager Peter Hunter and his wife Frances. You’ve seen the cast prancing in front of the SU draped in a Union Jack handing out their flyers, you may even have seen its poster doing the rounds on Facebook, but what is ‘No Sex Please We’re British’ all about? Frances innocently buys some Scandinavian glassware by mail order. However, to her horror, she is sent an ever-increasing supply of Scandinavian pornography. As the couple, together with cashier Brian Runnicles, attempt to deal with the escalating flood of photographs, books, films and girls that threaten to turn their peaceful suburban existence upside-down. This production of ‘No Sex Please, We’re British’ promises to be a hilarious interpretation, filled with exciting performances from Newcastle Students. In the cast are a good mix of veteran Theatre Society members and firsttimers alike. NUTS plays have a stellar reputation and this performance will be no exception. ‘No Sex Please’ will be performed at Stage 3, Northern Stage from 25th to 27th November.
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he ever-dependable NUTS players are set to bring yet another Shakespeare classic to the stage, in this season’s anticipated production of ‘Henry V’. Among the most famous of the Bard’s history plays, ‘Henry V’ sees the titular monarch facing the French army at the Battle of Agincourt, as well as trying to seduce the King of France’s daughter, because Henry V was nothing if not a lad. Shakespeare being Shakespeare, there’s more wordplay, disguises and badass speeches along the way than you can shake a spear at, so to speak. Directed by Adam Stubbs and Dan Calvin, and stage managed by Amy Bennett, NUTS’ adaptation updates the play to a contemporary setting, with plenty of guns, modern army uniforms, and other such exciting additions. Beatrice Henderson plays Katherine, Princess of France, Eliza Davison plays the Dauphin of France, and James Heaford plays King Henry, the young ruler who must earn the respect of his men if he is to lead them to victory in battle. NUTS’ Shakespeare productions are always among the highlights of any given season, with past efforts including their excellent ‘Romeo and Juliet’ and ‘The Twelfth Night’, so this is likely to be an adaptation to remember.
Lauren Hickin
reviews
Northern Stage 3 3-5 December
Must see!
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Creativity & Coffee
Drinks Art Vibe
thecourieronline.co.uk/arts c2.arts@ncl.ac.uk | @courier_arts
Sam Summers
Laura Knight Portraits
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The Laing Gallery 2 November - 16 February
hanks to the economical sizing of The Laing’s exhibition of Laura Knight’s portraits, we are transported, very niftily, throughout the career of one of the most respected painters of the 20th century. Knight’s ability to shine a depth upon subjects typically portrayed superficially is impressive. The portraits of Gypsy families from Ascot and Epsom are done with a quiet reflection and depth not traditionally associated with this so-often derided minority of Britain. Much of Knight’s prestige derived from the fact that she was a talented female painter, and one suspects that were her gender not what it was, she may have been granted less publicity than she was early in her career. However Knight, rather than criticise the phallocracy under which she worked, pays homage to women throughout her portraits. Backstage at the ballet, where the glamour of the dancers combined beautifully with the brutality of their dressing rooms, Knight depicts the woman as an independent, strong force - it is no surprise that she thought of these dancers as ‘fellow workers’. A highly enjoyable exhibition, The Laing gallery provides an extraordinary, if not too brief, insight into one of Britain’s most undervalued treasures. William Babington
The Vagina Monologues
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Mill Volvo Tyne 18 November
t was with some trepidation that I walked into the Tyne Theatre to review this play. Although I had been assured by research that it was a ground-breaking piece of theatre, I had been a little alarmed when looking at the list of titles for the monologues. Could ‘Reclaiming C***’ really add up to an enjoyable evening’s entertainment? The answer is a resounding yes. The talented cast of three brought each of the twelve monologues to life, at turns poignant, hilarious and cringe worthy, but above all, identifiable. Between the monologues were semi-improvised sections in which the audience were engaged, raising awareness and giving persistent taboos a good kick up the backside. The evening raised questions that got me thinking, but more importantly talking. Every woman in the audience was laughing in solidarity (kudos to the few brave men who also attended). My favourite monologue of the night, which nearly reduced me to tears, was the starkly horrific ‘My Vagina Was My Village’, telling of the barbaric practices in the so-called ‘rape camps’ of the Bosnian War. The comedy highlight of the night was a vocal demonstration of a triple orgasm, ending with actual pyrotechnics. Lauren Hickin
26.filmfeatures
Monday 25 November 2013
The Courier
Film Editors: Muneeb Hafiz and Jacob Crompton-Schreiber
A nibble at the Oscar-bait
Editor’s Film Editor Muneeb Hafiz discusses the ‘racial’ film and its motivations Word hatever Oscar season is, it is supposed- of techniques in presenting a deeply complex is- rather than a genuine insight into the psyche of the
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Bonjour Voyeur
ettling down for a film with the whole family brings with it images of comfort, of joy, and you come over all nostalgic. But these moments of supposed joy are often ruined by our vices and faux pas when watching a movie. Subtitles when there’s no need, perpetual rewinding to make up for the syllable missed in the previous scene, constant questions, trivia and loud eating, they can be nasty affairs at times.
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ly upon us, and with it comes a perpetual dictum of ‘Oscar bait’ movies that seek to suckle on the nutritious teat of the Academy, in all its banquet hall, silk-laden allure. However, no sub-genre of film has been appropriated as the epitome of ‘Oscar bait-ism’ than that of the ‘racial’ drama. Here lies an arena for the seemingly insurmountable dichotomy of a moral vindication of Hollywood, versus a meaningful commentary on the situation, history or plight of the people involved. Criticism of films from the sub-genre so often discuss a principle of timidity, some superficial attempt to convey an incredibly significant era, as opposed to grappling head on with the realities of the period and crucial moral undercurrents of the time. The ‘racial’ film is dominated by, but by no means exclusive to, narratives of slavery given the preeminence of Hollywood as the focal point of global cinema production. The ‘White Saviour’, or some variation of it, is embedded in critical parlance and is used, rather regrettably, far too often than to signify the sub-genre as progressive or enlightening. There is a crippling dependency on the benevolent Caucasian of the South as the sole means to Black emancipation which detracts from the possibilities of the discourse.
“Race relations are
But one thing that never changes, is the awkwardness that the love scene comes with. As soon as there’s a hint of baby-making on screen everyone’s eyes drift downwards, from side to side, anywhere apart from the screen. The movie seems to get louder and a lot more tense and you just want it to end already. With Don Jon out in the cinemas and the subject of porn addiction a central narrative, at least on its surface, I doubt it’s one to see with the family.
treated as pre-historical to our world ” Looking at 2013 alone, the release of Django, The Butler, Lincoln, Mandela and the much hypothesised 12 Years a Slave underline a significant ‘racial’ hue to the subject of films released in the run up to major cinema awards. More specifically, a myriad
sue. Be it in the historical legacies of Abraham Lincoln, the understated yet dignified tenure of Butler Cecil Gaines, the hyper-sexual, bloody retribution of one Django Freeman, or the iconic long walk to freedom in Mandela, race relations are treated as pre-historical to our world but which continue to endure. In this treatment of discrimination as anachronistic and as part of a period long past, why then, is it often dealt with so superfluously? With race an inherently fluid, contested and difficult concept, there must be an appreciation of film outside of the slave-master paradigm that discusses the issue of difference more broadly. These productions are just as important given the experience of difference in some form or another to most, if not all people. Nonetheless, slavery remains the staple of ‘racial’ cinema and understandably so in that it represents a thorn in the side of an institution that professes an echelon of morality that comes with its own golden halo. Yet, in a failure to dig deeper into the psychological, political facets of slavery on the side of both those in bondage and those as owners of human commodities, of what significance is it in portraying, if not reconciling, with that period of shame? 12 Years a Slave has brought with it vibrant murmurs of cinematic revolution in its foundation upon the true story of Solomon Northup, and in the brutality, immorality, confusion and anger of a time ruled by raw, naked flesh as much a currency as the crisp dollar in the antebellum United States. However, if there is a reliance on sheer violence as displays of directorial prowess, romanticism, lachrymose period pieces, and voyeurism, as perhaps Tarantino acquiesced,
slave and slave-owner alike, then the sub-genre has fallen at the hurdle once again. Films such as The Help attempt to uplift and ease audiences into a world of cruelty and hate by engaging in cliché-ridden schmaltz. They raise, rather than investigate, crucial factors of companionship, the hardships of civil rights, and the impacts of a flesh-for-cash mentality perceived as an enterprise like any other. There is much to be said on what can be done in film and what must now be avoided for a truly significant ‘racial’ film which goes beyond portraying struggle, beyond the ‘White Savi o u r ’, and seeks to do something different, and dare I say more meaningful. It seems 12 Years may deliver if the acclaim and awe it has already earned in the film world is anything to go by. But in answering the why, as opposed the what questions, it’s real success shall lie.
Ocean’s Elev-ensemble
Collaboration or competition? The successes and failures of the ensemble cast
But the phenomenon of us as voyeurs, peeping Toms revelling or shying away from the ‘pleasure’ of those on screen is much more interesting than our awkwardness. Directors throw us into worlds that come in so many different forms as observers to the events that unfold. Whether witnesses to the gel-slick chutzpah of JGL, or participants in the masochistic penchant of the Funny Games, it is in a remarkable position we find ourselves in, which goes far
beyond the simple, impartial viewer. With good films at least, we feel what the characters feel, we follow the paths the filmmakers urge us to walk down, reluctantly or otherwise. There is an inevitable process of attachment forming which stems from our invitation into the universe, however disturbed, of the fiction. Whether we are feigning a sudden frog in the throat or immersing ourselves wild-eyed, we are forever watching rarely in isolation of what unfolds on screen. Muneeb Hafiz
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nce upon a time, Hollywood Studios kept actors contracted tightly to their production companies, able only to star in their releases. This was the age of the star vehicle – films written and produced to showcase the talents of a certain actor. Stars like Errol Flynn, Shirley Temple and Fred Astaire thrived on this system, typecast in roles that played to their strengths. But times have moved on. While star vehicles are still rolled out year after year, they are no longer as universally popular as they once were. With fewer and fewer actors willing to be typecast, the ensemble cast has never been more popular.
So, are ensemble casts in film a good idea, showcasing the talents of many actors, or do these character-driven pieces produce good performances at the expense of a coherent plot? There are many examples of ensemble casts being used to great effect, some of my favourite examples being Twelve Angry Men, Gosford Park, and Paris Je T’Aime. One of the most successful films of the last year, Les Misérables, is in many ways a perfect example of an ensemble cast. Comprising of respected veteran performers such as Russell Crowe and Hugh Jackman, rising stars like Eddie Redmayne and newcomers Samantha Barks, Daniel Huttlestone and Isabelle Allen, this ensemble was as diverse as it was talented. However, despite containing many highly acclaimed performances, including Anne Hathaway’s Oscar-winning turn as consumptive prostitute Fantine, a common criticism of the film was that the sheer number of characters and storylines was confusing to audiences who had not seen the musical that inspired the film. Furthermore, not all ensemble casts are created equal, as seen in vanity projects such as The Expendables in which Hollywood heavyweights such as Sylvester Stallone, Arnold Schwartznegger, Bruce Willis and Jason Statham embark upon what the New York Post summed up as ‘the brain-dead male equivalent of Sex and the City 2’. While Mickey Rourke was singled out for praise by some critics for his delivery of a monologue about a woman’s suicide during the Bosnian war, it is a moment of quality acting which seems jarringly out of place in a film filled with mindless violence and questionable dialogue. Regardless of their quality, there can be no doubt that ensemble casts are becoming a vital part of today’s cinematic landscape. More and more awarding bodies are recognising the power of performances in collaboration with prizes for best ensemble alongside the individual acting prizes.
There is clearly something to be said for the idea of the ensemble cast in terms of acting performances. If we believe the saying that half of acting is reacting, then it seems reasonable that a cast full of talented performers will find it easier to play off one another than a mediocre cast built around one outstanding star. In my opinion, whilst films such as Alfonso Cuaron’s Gravity demonstrate that a minimalist cast can, in the right hands, carry a successful film, it is also true that ensemble casts are exciting to watch, as seasoned performers and talented newcomers alike bring a story to life. Lauren Hickman
The Courier
reviewsfilm.27
Monday 25 November 2013
thecourieronline.co.uk/film c2.film@ncl.ac.uk | @Courier_Film
HATE
“Oh yeah, yeah I know my ABC’s pretty good, just can’t read.” Driving Miss Daisy (1989)
Don Jon (18)
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Cameron Diaz
’m not going to sugar coat it; I cautiously entered the cinema with this image in my head of about an hour and a half worth of squirming in my seat as Joseph Gordon-Levitt vigorously wanked off in front of me. After all, the premise of a film about a guy addicted to porn leaves little to the imagination. My friends and I are possibly the biggest JGL (yeah, I’m going to shorten it just to make it seem like we’ve reached that point in our imaginary relationship) fans in the North East, and we’re proud of it. We were ready for some gratuitous shots and slow-mo’s, and we definitely weren’t disappointed when the opening sequence involved a quick-pro compilation of cleverly cropped clips of scantilyclad ladies in a few select ‘adult movies’. I’m not even kidding. Porn all up in our grill not even 20 seconds in, with bonus audio and everything. I’m surprised the people in Nando’s didn’t hear it a few floors down. Don Jon is a romantic-comedy starring the likes of Scarlett Johansson, Julianne Moore, and the fabulous Tony Danza. Everyone (apart from Julie) takes on ridiculous New Jersey accents and it’s delightfully endearing. Scarlett goes full hog and throws in some obnoxious chewing gum just to finish off the look. It marks the directoral debut of JGL after 5 years of development and has been
met with critical acclaim across the board. I went in with a generally open mind - I’m not going to lie and say that a little bit of my brain wasn’t doing cartwheels at the thought of another JGL film to add to my list. Yet it surpassed my expectations. It sets up the story of a guy called, you guessed it, Jon, who describes himself as caring about only “my body, my pad, my ride, my family, my church, my boys, my girls, and my porn”, with the latter taking pride of place. The film chronicles his new relationship with Barbara (Johansson) and how he deals with his inclination towards porn instead of “real pussy” (yep, pulling no punches). He meets Esther (Moore) and the film takes a predictable
turn. Despite all the bells and whistles of your typical rom-com, Don Jon provides us with a brilliant look at human issues with a humorous and modest tone. And of course, we can’t forget about the porn after all. This isn’t the film you want to go see on a Sunday afternoon with your parents, but it’s one that’s guaranteed to give you a good time with your mates and might even inspire a bit of self-searching (oo-er). Definitely mark it down as one to watch.
The Butler (12A)
The Counsellor (18)
Dom Hemingway (15)
he Butler, based loosely on the life of Eugene Allen who worked in the White House for over 30 years, follows Cecil Gaines (portrayed by Forest Whitaker) from childhood to old age. Cecil’s time in the White House spans from Eisenhower to Reagan, as he works hard to provide for his family living during the turbulent events of 20th century, particularly concerning the civil rights movement. Whitaker gives a flawless performance as Cecil, a loveable, Forrest Gump-like character. He witnesses historical moments in the majestic White House, which are juxtaposed against his eldest son’s (played superbly by David Oyelowo) horrifying experiences in fighting for African American rights. Oprah Winfrey as Cecil’s wife, Gloria, delivers a performance laden with drama and powerful emotion. It’s a film of strong performances yet it’s hard to settle into the story. Much like Cecil, it’s easy to feel trapped between the goings-on. There is so much going on in his home life that it is often difficult to take the White House scenes, or the over-exaggerated presidents, seriously. The private side of his life often provides us with deeply emotive scenes, as Cecil struggles to see eye to eye with his oldest son, one of the most interesting aspects of the plot. The butler’s conversations with various presidents are not given this same treatment, however. Instead, they seem to provide a brief, sometimes comic, relief from the world outside the Oval office. This feels much more a film about Cecil and His Family, rather than Cecil the Butler. The Butler boasts a star-studded cast, yet falls short with a rather jumbled story.
hockingly violent, beautifully written and oozing with talent - is The Counsellor one of the best films released this year? To put it simply: no. No it’s not. Fassbender. Cruz. Bardem. Diaz. Pitt. The hype train for The Counsellor has named dropped as much as possible, and you can see why - the array of talent involved with this film is phenomenal. I thought that The Counsellor had all the ingredients for a bonafide hit. But unfortunately it just isn’t. Its pace is surprisingly slow, the plot is a little messy and the first half of the film is agonisingly uneventful and tame. But then “that scene” happens. You may have heard of it. Brace yourself reader. I’m going to be blunt now… Cameron Diaz has sex with a car. Yes, with a car. I’m just going to let that settle into your craniums. And no dear readers, I am not bluffing. It actually happened. When I saw the trailer for The Counsellor, I did not expect this. Everybody in the cinema at first sat in a stunned silence, but as the scene thrusted on, everybody just broke into laughter. It was utterly bizarre. And I loved it. The Counsellor looks very pretty in sections, with shots of cheetah’s sprinting and motorbikes blitzing down long empty highways being particularly striking. Fassbender, as always, puts in a great performance, and the rest of the cast are perfectly able - although it must be said that I will never see Diaz in the same light ever again. But no individual is able to save The Counsellor from itself, and that’s a bit depressing (much like The Counsellor’s ending), because I really feel like this film could’ve been outstanding.
ichard Shepard’s Dom Hemingway is a fantastic film - for twenty-five minutes. A chaotic, cocaine-filled blur of Shakespearian scripting and Bronson head-bashing, Shepard imaginatively weaves a British Gangster film that sails past the clichéd works of Guy Richie and company. Jude Law plays Dom, a newly-released prisoner with two priorities: to get paid and to get laid. Law, starting the film with a superbly maniacal diatribe about the values of his own genitalia, delivers his role with aplomb, and his bug-eyed monologues excellently fulfil the potential of Shepard’s darklycomic script. And then, very quickly, it stops. After a tragic accident sees Dom return to London penniless and without employment, Dom Hemingway becomes a heartless attempt at a heartfelt film. Shepard is seemingly unsure as to what he wants to deliver, and ultimately the film suffers; for the remaining ninety-minutes the film clunkers along in-between a moral fable and knockabout comedy. As Dom attempts to reconnect with his daughter, an exhaustibly irritating Emilia Clarke, the psychosis that makes his character enjoyable is subdued, and his enjoyable scabrousness turns to an empty sentimentality. By the end, confused by what the point of Dom’s journey is, we simply don’t care where he ends up. Ultimately, clever editing and the occasional instance of beautiful direction cannot save Dom Hemingway, a disappointing film that fails to keep up with itself. What could have been an evolution of the British Grit-Flick initiated by the likes of Sexy Beast instead reveals itself to be a flat combination of Green Street and Hollyoaks.
More like this: Driving Miss Daisy (1989)
More like this: Savages (2012)
More like this: Bronson (2008)
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Kezziah Hall
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Lucas Fothergill
More like this: Choke (2008) Beth Durant
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Will Babbington
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t was around the time I watched Vanilla Sky, and realised she’s done a couple of films with Tom Cruise – Minority Report (briefly), Vanilla Sky, and Knight and Day spring to mind. Don’t get me wrong, as much as Tom Cruise is a ball-bag, being in a film with him doesn’t immediately make you a ball-bag, however this coincidence led me to realise that Cameron Diaz is the female version of Tom Cruise. I bloody hate Tom Cruise. Just like Tommy boy, Cameron Diaz has some pretty radical (conservative) thoughts when it comes to things such as politics, world beliefs and the military. Just like Tom Cruise, Cameron has used her elevated status in the shark-tank of the world to make her views heard, and to advocate what she believes. This is a good thing, people should always advocate what they believe – it’s just that what Cameron Diaz believes in is utter tripe.
This really started in the 2000’s when she publically endorsed Al Gore – and I know it’s very hypocritical of me to critique someone for putting forward her political opinion - it’s just that she is so very, very wrong. I don’t like the idea of people who aren’t interested in politics voting, or starting to get an opinion based on what some misguided Actor thinks. Essentially it’s similar to when Arnold Schwarzenegger ran for the position of Governor of California. I love Arnie, he’s a ledge, but we all know he only got that position because he was a movie star… and he’s bloody Republican, he even brought back the death sentence! Now whilst I can applaud Diaz for voting antiBush (as honest to goodness I would have voted ringworm in above that man) I’m still not too into the idea of her using her fame in this way. I hesitate to use the word “abuse” because I’m just not that inflammatory.
At the end of the day, I do respect actors and icons who choose to publically engage with politics, climate change, racism et cetera. It’s definitely got to be better than having a world full of people that ignore it. It’s just that sometimes these people are so very wrong, so sometimes it’s a bad influence. David Leighton
28.tvhighlights
Monday 25 November 2013
The Courier
TV Editor: Beth Durant Deputy TV Editor: Helen Daly
The Simpsons Sky 1, Sunday 6pm
TVintage
Remember when Disney used to be a decent channel? Kezziah Hall looks at her favourite show from the ‘noughties’
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hat’s So Raven ran for four seasons between 2003 and 2007, part of what I like to call ‘The Disney Channel Renaissance’. This consisted of Lizzie Maguire, Kim Possible, The Suite Life of Zack and Cody and Hannah Montana, back in the days of decent acting and Miley Cyrus NOT shaking her thang at the VMAs.
As a socially-awkward preteen, I honestly looked up to Raven Baxter. She’s sassy, confident and funny (‘YAH NASTY!’ or ‘OH SNAP!’). She’s not the most popular girl in school either, which makes her all the more likeable. She deals with some of the most embarrassing moments of being a teenager, pursues her dream of becoming a fashion designer, and (attempts to) get the boy in the end. Oh yeah, and she can see into the future. With this skill she tries to get the future to work in her favour, but it doesn’t always happen! She is only able to see small snippets of what is about to happen, so a good deal of the time, she takes misinterprets her visions completely. Though, no matter what, you feel like you’ve always got Raven’s back. We can’t forget her friends either: the clueless yet adorable Chelsea and the ‘smooth-with-the-ladies’ Eddie. Chelsea, an artistically talented girl, has very little common sense but is just as loveable as the main character. Eddie always likes to tell Raven when she’s wrong; I was convinced for the longest time that he had a crush on her. More often than not, I’d be in tears of laughter watching the show simply because of these characters (though Raven’s facial expressions alone were hilarious).
Raven’s family, her parents and little brother Cory, also provided their fair share of comedy, but it just wasn’t the same when the brother got his own show. Cory in the House only lasted two seasons. I suppose that was due to the lack of Raven, as well as the fact that the youngest, Baxter, didn’t share his sister’s ability. That’s So Raven was a genuinely great show that was not only funny but also inspirational. I’ll always remember the episode where Raven gets to model the clothes she designed. The people who run the magazine, however, decide to photoshop Raven to look much thinner than she actually is, which leads her to give a brilliant speech about all women being beautiful no matter their size or appearance. This was the Disney channel at their very best.
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he Simpsons is nearing its 25th year, and this autumn Fox unveiled the 25th season to a US audience. Soon it’ll hit our own TVs with the 530th episode under its belt. There are very few shows that can claim such comprehensive international success, such longevity, and such a wide range of appeal. The sitcom found success originally because it was loved by all ages, making it that rare thing; a genuine family viewing where the kids weren’t bored and the adults weren’t miserable. Although critics are divided on the newer series, and the show has faced several controversies, the show feels the same to me as it did when I was six years old and rushed home from my swimming lessons in time for the end of that familiar theme tune. What kept The Simpsons so effective has been the balance the producers have kept; they have been toeing the line carefully between sharp, acerbic satire and touching portraits of human, albeit yellow, characters. The audiences grew to love dopey, well meaning Homer with his familiar touches of utmost selfishness, especially when his kindness won out in the end. His long suffering, careful and car-
ing wife Marge, and their three children who never grew older but changed with the times. From the ten and eight year old Bart and Lisa of the late 1980s to the recognisable kids of today. In fact, evolution has been of paramount importance to the longevity of the show. The Simpsons has been described as a satire of the middle class American family, of modern culture and politics, and even of the human condition. Critics have slated the newer episodes as having lost the touching insight into family life that it once had. In early episodes like ‘Do It For Her’, ‘Bart the Lover’ (RIP Edna Krabappel) and ‘One Fish Two Fish Blowfish Blue Fish’, we fell for the characters and their foibles. When Bart l i e d sadistically at the expense of his
Geeks
Storage Wars
lonely middle aged teacher, and even when Homer ditched his job in style to work in a bowling alley, the characters were always redeemed by how very human they were. I don’t think I’ll ever tear up about another woman rejoicing that her husband’s drool is warm enough that he might still be alive.
“If the writers can still come up with new and relevant storylines twenty-four years later, and the cultural references remain as sharp and funny as ever, it’s still worth twenty minutes of your time.” But even though the new episodes might not have quite the same effect they used to, and they might only make me well up every now and then (I’m a bit of a wuss), I have faith that The Simpsons can still be what we remember it. If the writers can still come up with new and relevant storylines twentyfour years later, and the cultural references remain as sharp and funny as ever, it’s still worth twenty minutes of your time. Something about that opening sequence still feels like home even after some redesigning, and those yellow cartoon people with three fingers on each hand and a bizarre variation of hair styles still feel as familiar and vitally human, as ever. So I’ll be tuning in.
Leila Nashef
Drifters
E4, Monday 8pm
History Channel, Tuesday 9pm
E4, Thursday 9:30pm
eeks is a new series that follows groups of self-proclaimed nerds venturing onto some far-from nerdy holidays. The series cherry picks some of the most popular party destinations across Europe, throws in some all access passes and drops these ‘misfits’ straight out of their fishbowl. The first episode showcases four Hogwarts-crazed ‘Moaning Myrtles’ heading off to Marbella for a week of sun, sea and too much of a substance commonly known as sangria. But of course, there’s always an additional twist. What the girls don’t realise is they’ll be sharing a luxury, nine and threequarters out of ten holiday home, with a group of prime time Einsteins. Neither group is particularly au fait with interacting with the opposite sex; so this is bound to be a cringe-worthy yet intriguing TV moment. Adding to the ever increasing awkwardness, E4 delivers the group a ‘party partner’. This thirtysomething raver is tasked with taking the group out for their greatest (and in many cases, first) clubbing experience. Whilst AAA and VIP are some of the best abbreviations many of us will ever encounter, they are not too well received by some of the group. However, the week only gets better as the group begin to grow in confidence to the point where dancing and jumping in hot tubs in their underwear becomes the norm. Like all good reality experiences from the channel 4 lot, the group head home and do a little oneon-one camera reflection. Food for thought, mixed with all kinds of chemistry (of the awkward variety) is most definitely the way with this one! Charlotte Maxwell
f you haven’t watched Storage Hunters, watch it – its ace. If you haven’t watched Storage Wars, go watch Storage Hunters first cause it’s just that teeny bit better. Both shows concern Americans buying up storage units that have been repossessed, and the various groups of people that try to buy them up. Now I’ve got to say it’s the characters that really make Storage Hunters the winner, we’ve got people like “T-Money” (an excellent guy who constantly shouts “Money” to bid), Ron (or “Papa Bear” to his friends) and a mysterious guy I know only as “Desert Dan”. Storage Hunters also focuses on the rivalries between what are essentially factions of hunters, it’s hilarious – in one of the episodes “Desert Dan” wins a golf cart and actually drives it past the losers with his middle finger flying free, it is quite possibly the best gloat I have ever seen in my all twenty years. Both shows are pretty staged to be honest (yes, Santa isn’t real either) and that’s pretty evident from the onset – because life just doesn’t have as many plots as TV shows do. Both are also pretty good but as I’ve said, I think Storage Hunters just takes the proverbial biscuit in this case, it’s funnier, the characters are better and the prizes can be pretty much anything, from a Corvette to a thousand pound stamp, I (an avid watcher) have seen it all. If you like people arguing over trivial nonsense and absolutely brilliant half-scripted dialogue – it’s the show for you (and if you don’t? It’s still the show for you). David Leighton
4 have majorly missed the mark in their attempt of bringing a hilarious new sitcom to our television in the form of Drifters. This show would classify as a prophetic horror for the vast majority of us as it follows Meg and two of her dim-witted friends as they stumble from dead end job to dead end job following the completion of their degrees. What is even more frightening is that writerturned-actress Jessica Knappett (Meg) claims that this is loosely inspired by her life after university, meaning that this drivel could become reality for some of us. Much of the cast have also appeared in The Inbetweeners movie or have been associated with the series, which shows in the style of the show when they resort to awful crude jokes and slapstick humour for cheap chuckles. That worked for the most part for The Inbetweeners but it got a little bit stale by Series 3 and this is simply just a continuation of that. I can confidently describe this show as not my cup of tea. The premise is extremely cringe worthy and at times ridiculous, such as when we observe Meg crashing through a date spitting out oysters and swallowing them again. We are also treated to the sight of one her friends answering the phone whilst being taken from behind because she is bored. Take whatever positives from this show you can find, whether that is the rare focus on a majority female cast in a UK sitcom, or perhaps the occasional mildly humorous one liners, because there is little else to entertain in this genuinely dreadful show. Lewis Ancrum
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The Courier
featurestv.29
Monday 25 November 2013
I would watch 500 trials I’m a Celebrity: Get me Out of Here! has mercifully returned to our screens. Some of our writers have taken a look at past series and shared their best moments of the most gloriously addictive show on TV
Van Day meets Mallett
Bond, Jenny Bond
For me, the ultimate series of I’m a Celebrity will always be number eight. The bromance between English singer, David Van Day and television legend, Timmy Mallett was by far the most engaging and altogether beautiful relationship in the show’s history. Mallett and Van Day entered the jungle in the most hilarious and unique way I can remember; they were captured in a huge net and imprisoned in the jungle jail for 2 days, they grew to become inseparable in that jail. Mallett brought so much to the I’m a Celebrity table for me. A striking personality, his loud personality, and of course his signature pink mascot, Mallett’s Mallet. Along with Van Day’s sharp wit, constant morning, and noon and night singing, you couldn’t ask for more. And how can we forget Biff Baff Boff, the song that truly set in stone Mallett and Van Day as Jungle heroes. Over the two weeks the pair penned down this classic, which was released for the Christmas chart, this in itself rivaled the jungle classic, ‘Mysterious Girl’ by Mr Peter Andre. Dylan Healy
Every now and again we get an actual bona fide brave response to an awful ordeal, which restores our faith in humanity. Jennie Bond is the best example of this. In Danger Down Under, the BBC Royal Correspondent was forced to lie for 7 minutes buried 6 feet under the earth in a coffin with rats as it filled with water. Wait lets go over that again: buried alive, water level rising and rats. Did Bond scream? Shout? A lesser woman would have, but she did not. Instead she lay there and sang songs, hummed and told one rat off. When they finally brought her out onto solid Aussie earth, the only comment Bond made was “Is my mascara still on?”. That, my friends, is suave to a tee, move over Bond and enter, well, Bond. I could talk about feminism or British stiff upper lip, I’m not going to because Jennie Bond is in a league of her own. She showed how brilliant people can be in the face of terror. She has convinced me that humanity can face anything and win. I mean, seriously, rats… Lucy Owens
Paul Burrell’s hell hole I think it’s fair to say that Paul Burrell’s venture into the jungle in 2004 was maybe one of the highlights of the show, even 10 years later. His status as the exbutler of late Princess Diana meant that the agreement to be shoved on a desert island with other B-list celebrities was met with ridicule and anger in equal measures. The infamous task involved him plunging his hand into the crevisces of tree and encountering the usual suspects of the show in an attempt to win some sort of substantial meal for his camp-mates. Rats, spiders, snakes, you name it. I don’t think I’ve ever heard such peculiar sounds come from human vocal chords. Same goes for his facial expressions. The dramatic nature of it all will go down as one of the most over-the-top trials ever on I’m a Celebrity, and for good reason. Just check it out on YouTube and relive it all again. Beth Durant
Gaffney’s Live Trial One of the greatest bushtucker trials of all-time, in my opinion, has to be that Dean Gaffney one. I don’t think I even need to specify what I’m talking about, do I? Well, if you need clarification, here’s the lowdown on that brilliant TV moment. Entering the jungle as a latecomer in 2006, Dean Gaffney, aka Sonia’s brother from Eastenders, wandered into a clearing where Ant and Dec lay in wait to spring some news on him; he was about to do the live Bushtucker trial. What played out next will go down as one of the most hilarious pieces of television in recent years. As Gaffney is dragged round the various tasks, he pleads with some unknown higher power, whilst jumping at the slightest thing. Gagging at everything and omitting sounds that technically only dogs should hear, Gaffney flings himself about with reckless abandon, while Ant and Dec try (and fail) not to collapse laughing. Possibly the best part is when he leaves to head into camp, covered in yellow goo and mealworms, and randomly saying, ‘Help…’ Dean Gaffney was no longer ‘Sonia’s brother’; he was ‘The Screamer’. Chloe Carroll
Joe Swash tucks in On the 17th November 2008 we squirmed in our seats and our stomachs cringed as he and Nicola McLean made their way through such Australian delicacies as crickets, scorpions and crocodile penis’ in the I-Scream Van bush tucker trial. Ant and Dec’s horrified faces and barely repressed laughter matched our own at home as Joe’s retches escalated as the challenge went on. Never had I seen so many contorted faces and he seemed uncaring of the dribble running down his chin as he fidgeted around the area, shovelling more creepy crawlies into his mouth- the image of him gagging as he ate the witchetty grub will forever be seared on my mind. It was compulsive viewing and audiences morbidly watched to see if he would actually be sick, but with a sigh, no, it wasn’t meant to be. But despite surprisingly losing against Nicole, Joe Swash had stolen audience’s hearts with his hilariously sensitive gag reflex and loveable cockney charm and he went on to be crowned King of the Jungle. Rebecca Dooley
thecourieronline.co.uk/tv c2.tv@ncl.ac.uk | @courier_tv
Christmas comes early?
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kay I’ll admit it, this week I’m going to slate a Christmas article. This does not mean that I don’t like Christmas, I do. In fact it makes me happier than a box of kittens, however the point still stands that they’re playing them too damn early, also they’re the nastiest form of blackmail in most cases. Preface over. So here I am, sitting down just enjoying a particular dapper episode of Scrubs and…oh, adverts again. Great, I’m forced to sit through four minutes of didactic, patronising and emotionally invasive corporate arse juice - huzzah. This week (despite the date), I’m besieged by an endless catwalk of Christmas cheer, which I’m normally cool with, that is created to tug at my soul until I spend my every penny on it. It’s not that I don’t like Christmas, I’m really not a Scrooge I love it – I bah humbug people trying to make Christmas about consumerism, not Christmas itself.
“This week (despite the date), I’m besieged by an endless catwalk of Christmas cheer, which I’m normally cool with, that is created to tug at my soul until I spend my every penny on it.”
Anywho, here it comes, the Tesco advert for Christmas two thousand and thirteen, “Home Video” style, because obviously the only way to truly wring money out of people is by pretending you are one of them. Honest to goodness it’s really mean when you think about it, scene starts with an early nineties family (even the footage is rough and blurry to give it a sense of being real) having just put up their Christmas tree; smiles are all round, despite the struggle the family almost definitely had from twenty years’ previous experience of putting Christmas decorations up. There’s a toast (Tesco alcohol I assume), pictures with the new baby, the kids are unwrapping (probably Tesco) gifts and putting (probably Tesco) hats on Grandma and I could go on and on.
Why won’t someone tell these money-grabbing souls that we are not their friend? I hate when adverts try to do this (don’t even get me started on bank adverts), it’s just the worst kind of media. It’s like those toy adverts where the kid basically doesn’t love the parent until the parent buys the kid the advertised product. Who came up with this ridiculous, galling piece of intestinal produce? Some suit in an office somewhere droning out his quota - ‘Oh, well this advert should brainwash at least enough people for us to make an extortionate amount of money this year – it boils my piss. Then to top off those ninety seconds of patronising hatred, it finishes with the slogan ‘There’s nothing better than Christmas’ – because of course, we needed reminding. Perhaps they might realise that we don’t associate shops with Christmas. So yeah, I’m going to go now because honestly? I think I just might have conceived a gall stone. David Leighton
30.music
Monday 25 November 2013
The Courier
Music Editors: Kate Bennett and Ian Mason
RAGE
against the
ROUTINE
Okay, okay, they’re an easy target, but that’s not going to stop Josh Nicholson taking a swing at Coldplay...
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or the life of me I cannot understand Coldplay, and for the life of me I can’t understand what attracts people to their music. They do have some anthemic songs such as ‘Yellow’ and ‘Fix You’, but so does every band. Some of my friends claim further that their stage show is new and innovative. Bollocks to that. Every song has the same old boring guitar and happy clappy rhythm, which, okay, is fine, but not for 5 years worth of work. Get some brain function and be creative. Lennon, McCartney, Dylan, Cash, Sir Cliff: all sparked a generation and started something new and powerful. All Coldplay seem to do is hang on the coattails of bands like Muse and Radiohead, who have been accused of copying each other anyway. Chris Martin in his tiny mind must have just thought “Oh hey guys, awesome idea, let’s use satellite dishes for lights”. Mr Martin, Muse had already done that on their show at Wembley. Moreover, as well as stealing stage lighting from other bands, giving out a light-up wristband in the middle of Vida La Viva is like giving glow sticks out at Victoria 22 and saying “Spend the night here, it’ll be great” when you know it won’t. It’s an empty, pointless gesture that is aimed to detract from the music because frankly, once you get the old stuff out the way you expose the sold-out new Coldplay, who’ve sold their musical souls to a large stadium sound rather than their once melodic tunes. Frankly, I used to like Coldplay but once I heard Viva La Vida and Mylo Xyloto or whatever it’s called I gave up. Why do so many bands give up on their musical beliefs for a huge sound? The style as well annoys me. It frankly looks like they’ve raided an old person’s loft for all their old dusty clothes and lobbed on the first things they’ve found. I know Luke Friend wears a bandage round his arm and it’s ‘cool’, but Coldplay do not have dreadlocks, nor do they have bullet wounds in their arms that need covering up (not until I get hold of them anyway). Further, what does Chris Martin have on his hand? Those two stripes may be part of him but does he really need them or is it an attention seeking ploy? Also, how he pulled Gwyneth Paltrow I will never know, but he must be a really nice lad, or she’s just bonkers like him. So there we are, Coldplay in a nutshell. Shit, unoriginal, show stealing, unfashionable morons who need to take a long hard look in the mirror and ask themselves the serious question of who they really are and what they are doing. They may be huge but I just can’t understand why considering the flaws in their act and personalities. Granted, they do have some absolutely stonking tunes but nowadays they just seem to flounce around looking for the next big act they can whore on to do a single with.
Shangri La Jake Bugg A
h, the difficult second album. It’s always a worry after an artist has an extremely successful debut - they travel to an exotic location and team up with a big-name producer to create an album which will almost inevitably be a flop, failing to live up to the hype. So when Jake Bugg travelled to Malibu and met up with Rick Rubin, no doubt a few eyebrows were raised in the Mercury Records office. They needn’t have worried, as Bugg’s relocation has led him to view life back home on a council estate in Nottingham from a different perspective. Bugg uses a similar structure to the one he used for his first album, with more upbeat songs giving way to slower ones in the second half of the album. The opener, ‘There’s A Beast And We All Feed It’ and ‘Messed Up Kids’ certainly match up to ‘Slumville Sunrise’ and ‘What Doesn’t Kill You’, the singles, which gave us a glimpse of Bugg’s more developed sound. It’s interesting to hear Bugg stretching his voice and testing his range on the more upbeat songs, al-
“Some fans may miss the raw feel of the first album, with Rubin’s production providing perhaps a bit too much polish” though it won’t be to everyone’s taste. Rubin’s production brings a certain element of cleanliness to proceedings, particularly on tracks such as ‘Me And You’ and ‘A Song About Love’. This is in stark contrast to Bugg’s first album Mercury Records liked some of the original demos so much they did not feel the need to re-record
Swings Both Ways
them. Some fans may miss the raw feel of the first album, with Rubin’s production providing perhaps a bit too much polish at times, although it does work well when applied to the slower songs on the album, giving a clarity and brightness which wasn’t evident on the first album, best shown by the con-
“Relocation has led him to view life back home on a council estate from a different perspective.” trast between the version of ‘Broken’ recorded for Bugg’s debut and the one re-recorded with Rubin. In general the slower songs on the album do not live up to those on the first - there is no ‘Broken’ or ‘Country Song’, although ‘Kitchen Table’ and ‘All Your Reasons’ are certainly very pleasant. In fairness to Bugg, this is probably due to the fact that this is his second album in two years, and as such he had not had as much time to refine songs.Whilst it can be said that Shangri La does not live up to Bugg’s first album, it is a solid effort nonetheless, and he has certainly avoided ‘second album syndrome’. However, it remains to be seen as to how Bugg will progress from here, as he cannot write about living on a council estate forever, given that it is a world from which he is now so far removed. Recommended download: ‘There’s A Beast And We All Feed It’ Adam Pizey
Death Grips
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Miles Kane Don’t Forget Who You Are
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ugg isn’t the only floppy-haired, mouthy lad with a penchant for Sixties sounds to invade the indie charts recently; Miles Kane’s recent second album Don’t Forget Who You Are keeps Shangri La in good company with its big choruses and mod vibe.
The Wrong Side of Heaven Vol: 2
Government Plates
Robbie Williams
If you like this, try ...
FFDP
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he title is a bit raunchy for our Rob, but in this day and age sexual liberation is the name of the game. The album is Robbie’s second effort at a swing album after Swing While You’re Winning which was a decent but unsuccessful attempt at being a member of the Rat Pack. I dare say I enjoyed this new album a little too much simply because Robbie is one of my idols. I suffered during the horrendous failure of Rudebox, which is up there in the top 10 worst albums ever, even rivalling the Cheeky Girls. That’s saying something. On this album however, the Take That renegade comes back swinging with covers such as ‘I Wanna Be Like You’ from the Jungle Book, featuring Olly Murs, and ‘Dream A Little Dream’ with Lily Allen. As he’s gotten older he’s gone through mental health issues, a reunion with Take That and reconciliation with Gary Barlow, who he is now creepily chummy with, THAT’S NOT HOW ITS SUPPOSED TO WORK. But this album seems to be an expression of Williams’ ‘come back stronger’ attitude. He’s known for his showmanship and nobody can disagree he is an outstanding performer, but this album highlights how much stronger his voice has become over the years. His ode to his daughter, ‘Go Gentle’, is a particular highlight, as is ‘Shine My Shoes’, a worthy album opener to a swing album. Both full of a pizzazz that can only come from enjoyment. With long-time collaborator and producer Guy Chambers on board, the good ship Robbie can’t go wrong.
ince releasing their debut mixtape Exmilitary in 2011, Death Grips have been widely seen as one of the most innovative groups in hip-hop. In fact, attempting to define them as hip-hop may be a mistake; this is about as far away from the ‘classic’ hip-hop sound as you can get. Their new album Government Plates, released for free with no promotion, continues to subvert genres whilst also moving their sound in new directions. The album opens as you come to expect a Death Grips album to open; with lead singer MC Ride ‘rapping’ in his uniquely aggressive style before heavy droning synths and the drumming of Zach Hill kick in. Songs like ‘Two Heavens’ and the previously released ‘Birds’ show the level of consistency that Death Grips have in their production. ‘Birds’ in particular creates an interesting juxtaposition of distorted vocals being contrasted with surprisingly melodic synths in the chorus. Although it feels just like a Death Grips album, it is clear that the group have attempted to move their sound in a slightly new direction this time around. In comparison to Exmilitary, in which the songs were driven by MC Ride’s aggressive vocal style, seen in tracks like ‘Guillotine’ and ‘Spread Eagle Across The Block’, it is the instrumentals and production that drive this album whilst MC Ride accompanies the tracks rather than driving them. Government Plates is perhaps not the album to listen to first if you’re trying to get into Death Grips, yet it is a great album which shows why they’ve been commended as a progressive force in hip-hop and music as a whole.
oming fresh off the heels of the relatively high success of the Nevadan metal outfits’ previous instalment, The Wrong Side of Heaven Volume 2 is Five Finger Death Punch’s fifth studio album and second of 2013. A result of the vast amount of material written for Volume 1, in short they should have just stuck with the one instalment. There is nothing inherently wrong with the album but Ivan Moody and co are rapidly developing a bad habit of releasing the same substandard work album upon album. The tracks follow the same formulaic approach with a lack of creativity shown in both the drumming which is near identical for most upbeat tracks and Zoltan Bathory’s guitar work which although still very decent shows little inventiveness. If not for Ivan Moody’s lyrical content much of this album could be assigned to the scrap heap. It is no different, nothing stands out. This album still contains the same ferocity and power in many of the tracks but it is the ballads such as ‘Cold’ and ‘Battle Born’ which is the album’s leading single and has much more radio appeal than previous singles, a fact which has resulted in a fair amount of criticism from the metal community accusing the band of getting lighter and lighter. Fans of the band can be content that this is another decent album from a fairly consistent band but the lack of creativity is becoming disappointing even if the music is still very listenable. Aside from the complete murder of The Animals’ ‘House of the Rising Sun’, tracks such as ‘Here to Die’ and ‘Matter of Time’ are still reasonable tracks but overall the album is highly disappointing.
Recommended download: ‘Go Gentle’
Recommended download: ‘Two Heavens’
Recommended download: ‘Matter of Time’
Josh Nicholson
Declan McCann
Lewis Ancrum
The Courier
music.31
Monday 25 November 2013
thecourieronline.co.uk/music c2.music@ncl.ac.uk | @courier_music
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SceNE: Venues Each week we take a closer look
Tom Nicholson talks to Young Knives’ Henry Dartnall about Moira Stewart and “a giant spunking cock and balls”
at a different spot in Newcastle’s music scene. This week: The Tyne Bar
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ituated at the mouth of Ouseburn, The Tyne Bar offers one of the most pleasant Newcastle based venues. Gigs here are always free, and there’s usually a band playing a couple of times a week. Dependent on the size of the act, gigs can either be inside or out. The outside stage, far larger than that inside, overlooks the spacious beer garden and is protected from the elements by the aqueduct above with heating lamps throughout, keeping you snug while you take in the act. Sunday afternoons are especially pleasant to indulge in a couple of ales while you take in the act and the giant, completely unnecessary disco ball just adds to the atmosphere. The acts that play here are generally local but from all manner of genres, be it pop, rock, folk, bluegrass or electro; the listings generally have a touch of everything to suit and it’s worth keeping your eyes out as bands that generally may cost you a tenner elsewhere can often pop up for free. They also keep an extensive listing of music on
elsewhere in the Ouseburn area, so if they don’t have anything the evening you pop in they’ll happily ply you with booze and send you on your way in the direction of The Cluny, Warehouse 34 or elsewhere. If there isn’t a band on that night, the jukebox is tremendous, offering one of the most eclectic set of choices you could imagine, and with the atmosphere in the bar so laid back there will never be complaints at your eccentric or even guilty choices. Home cooked food is available and reasonably priced, and if you go by on a Tuesday evening they’ll even feed you for free. What more could a student want? Add to that the wide range of both locally brewed, as well as international, ales and ciders then you’re in for a decent trip. Given its positioning at the curve in the Tyne there are lovely views up the river to take in the Quayside sights and naturally it’s a short trip either home or into town afterwards. One of the nice aspects of the Tyne Bar is being
right next to The Hub: it’s very cycle friendly and welcomes travellers to stop by and tie your bike up outside, and if you have a dog, like all good pubs it welcomes those too. Directions Walking: The easiest and most scenic route to take to arrive at The Tyne Bar is by heading straight along the Quayside having turned left at the Tyne Bridge and having passed the Millennium Bridge you’ll see The Toffee Factory before you. You can’t miss it under the Ouseburn acquaduct. It’s about 5 minutes from the Millenium Bridge. Metro: The nearest stop is Byker, but it’s still a bit of a walk. However it’s oretty well signposted to Ouseburn from there. Upon arriving at The Cluny follow the canal to its conclusion. Bus: The green Q2 Quaylink bus will drop you off literally just round the corner. You can jump on that from just outside Central Station. Ian Mason
Hi, my name is what? My name is who? My name is [chika chika] - under court injunction Music Editor Kate Bennett has a look into the weird world of band naming rights
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wo competing lineups of ‘70s blues-rock band Wishbone Ash have recently settled a long-running dispute over which of them has the rights to the band name. While personally I think even one lineup of Wishbone Ash is probably too many for our beleaguered world, the issue of who has the legal or moral right to a band name is an interesting and often pretty bizarre one. As a big fan of legendary ‘80s hardcore bands Black Flag and Dead Kennedys, it’s been distressing to see members of these idealistic, anti-establishment bands reduced to a soap opera of sniping and lawsuits. Dead Kennedys reformed in 2001 without outspoken frontman Jello Biafra, who has called the reformed group a ‘karaoke band’ and accused them of getting back together out of greed. Meanwhile there are currently two versions of Black Flag out there, with the version that actually has more original members forced to call themselves FLAG because guitarist Greg Ginn owns the rights to the name Black Flag. Neither of these pseudo-Black Flags include iconic frontman Henry Rollins, so to be honest I probably won’t be bothering with e i t h e r. Screw legal r ig hts, taking Bi-
afra and Rollins out is a bit like taking the tits off Katie Price, or the cuss words out of Gordon Ramsay’s Kitchen Nightmares. There’s just no point any more.
It’s not just hardcore punks who squabble over band names: Bucks Fizz, squeaky-clean winners of Eurovision 1981, have spent the best part of two decades arguing over who owns the name. The legal wrangling was chronicled in a BBC documentary, which I can imagine really pulled in the viewing figures. Consequently, the British public is treated to the existence of both Bucks Fizz and The Original Bucks Fizz, putting the band in the unusual position of having more lineups than actual songs that anyone cares about. As the most visible and wellknown member, you’d expect the frontman or woman to go with the name, but as we’ve seen, that’s not always the case. The Undertones reformed in 1999 without Feargal Sharkey, and Black Sabbath lumbered on without Ozzy Osborne for decades before the release of 13 this year - pale imitations of their glorious former selves, which cheap-
ened the bands’ legacies. Joy Division had a different approach, recognizing that any band is a unique reaction between a certain group of people and agreeing that if any member left, Joy Division would cease to exist. Consequently, after Ian Curtis’ suicide in 1980, the surviving members renamed themselves New Order instead of staggering on with a name now so indelibly associated with tragedy. One of the odder situations that can arise is when a band has no original members left but continues to use the name. It’s surprisingly common in the world of metal, with Napalm Death, Sepultura and In Flames all continuing to perform without any of their founding members. On the other end of the pop scale, the Sugababes that went on hiatus in 2011 bore no resemblance at all to the Sugababes that had emerged 11 years earlier: the group consisted of an ex-member of Atomic Kitten, the winner of Top of the Pops magazine’s Star Search 2003, and someone who came fifth on Eurovision 2009. The moral, kids? Get on the phone and trademark your band name before any of your bandmates can. It’s a cut-throat business.
What colour is Tuesday? That’s a stupid question. If you think that’s stupid you should see the ones I’ve got coming up. What’s the biggest animal you’ve ever been attacked by? A tapir. It was an attack in the mildest sense. It kind of laid down on my feet. It was awkward. So it was more like civil disobedience, then. Well I was giving it an oily rub [?] and it wanted its belly rubbing, so it lay on my feet and I couldn’t move. Have you ever been lost on a moor? I’ve been lost on a mountain. I was climbing Carnedd Llewellyn, low cloud came in and you literally couldn’t see a metre in front of your face. People have died on that mountain. I did find my way back to the park though, I was only lost for about 20 minutes. But a terrifying 20 minutes. A mountain’s pretty scary, it’s got edges and drops and shit. What was that programme that Michael Buerk used to do? 999? Yeah exactly, all that shit could happen to you. Or, you could get stung by a bee and go into anaphylactic shock. Even if you were just running down a canal towpath - it’s very difficult to land a helicopter there. Tell me about your favourite pair of shoes. I do have a pair of a dead man’s brogues that are two-tone, they’re probably my favourites. I got bequeathed them. They came with those sort of wooden toe things, never had them before. I thought I was gonna fuck them up really quickly but I haven’t. How do you polish something that’s both tan and white? Er... tipp-ex for the white, then just normal shoe polish for the brown. Which TV news presenter do you trust the most? Zeinab Badawi. I don’t think she does it anymore but she’s got a cool name. But I don’t like Krishnan Guru-Murthy, ‘cause he used to be on Newsround, therefore he is only a children’s TV presenter. Actually, it’s a perfect example of how the TV news is manipulating us and brainwashing us all – they’ve successfully sold the idea that that man has some credibility. To be honest, they’re only the puppets at the end of a very long and dirty string, dancing a horrible lie in front of us with a poker face. I don’t really trust any of them.[Suddenly] .[Suddenly] PERHAPS Moira Stewart. She’s been feeding us the lie, but in such a way that it’s transparent. She almost says to you, “Take this with a pinch of salt”. What was the last thing that you drew? Probably something on a set list. When I write them out I draw l i t t l e messages for my brother. They’re normally kind of offensive and not very well thought through. I wouldn’t be surprised if it was a giant spunking cock and balls. I was in a particularly horribly dressing room the other day where in every poster and picture someone had managed to make cocks, balls, boobs, whatever. Someone had spent a lot of time on it. There were some marvellous examples. Either that or I drew a Tyrannosaurus Rex on a chalkboard for a child. I’ve been doing a lot of that recently. So, either a giant cock and balls or a T. Rex. Or a Pterodactyl.
For gig reviews, interviews and more web features, visit us online at thecourieronline.co.uk/music
32.science
Monday 25 November 2013
The Courier
Science Editor: Elizabeth Hampson Deputy Science Editors: Emad Ahmed and Peter Style
How close are we to... a TARDIS?
In light of the spectacular 50th Anniversary Doctor Who airing this week, David Leighton thought he’d take a look at the science behind the famous blue box
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or those of you out there who are not of the Whovian persuasion (shame on you), the TARDIS is the time travel machine that The Doctor races around space in. TARDIS stands for ‘Time And Relative Dimension In Space’ as it can travel both laterally across the universe and across time. Now the big question, are we anywhere near that kind of capability yet? Well - and you’ve probably guessed it - the short answer is no, we’re not. However there are some elements to the TARDIS mythos that just might ring true. I mean the idea that time and space are one (spacetime, funnily enough) - is a pretty widely accepted idea within the scientific community (unless you’re Tom Cruise). That theory goes a long way to answering most of the biggest questions out there, including some about time travel. So yeah, if time and space are intrinsically connected then if you created a TARDIS that could travel fast enough across the universe, then it would theoretically be able to travel across time in a similar manner, and all that is before you even consider the idea of a wormhole. Wormholes are (theoretically) the bumhole of the universe. No, really, they’re just a great big rip in the fabric of spacetime...it’s best to think of them like a straw in the milkshake that is the universe, goes in one end and comes out the other. So you fly your craft, or TARDIS, into the straw and you come
“TARDIS stands for Time And Relative Dimension In Space” out the other end of it somewhere else. However because space and time are the same, when you travel through one you also travel through the other, so you’ll end up in a different place and also a different time. However there’s a problem, even theoretically, wormholes are harder to discover than a unicorn that can spit a verse, so the chances of stumbling upon one and being able to use it as your own personal ‘do-over’ are very rare. Plus even if you did stumble upon one the effects of using it would be as unpredictable as sniffing bath salts - you might end up meeting Hitler or you might just chew your friends face off. So the only option we are left with is creating our own wormhole, this is what the TARDIS does - it generates them. Now honest to goodness it is more likely that TOWIE will reach a level of moderate intelligence than we will manage it within the next hundred years or so but hey... here’s hoping.
Toenex NASA Illustration by Rachel Templeman
Fail your degree but conquer the world Editor George Sandeman takes a look at the latest instalment in the popular Football Manager series from Sports Interactive. Is it still one of the kings of the strategy and simulation genres?
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ootball Manager was cited in 35 cases of divorce in the year 2012. If this doesn’t demonstrate an individual’s addiction to a computer game at the expense of their loved ones, and everything else in their real lives, then nothing will. To the ‘right-thinking person’ – so often cited in laws setting the boundaries of acceptable behaviour in our society – then this man, more concerned with the fictional Conference relegation battle between Cambridge United and Lincoln City then cooking his wife dinner after a hard day at work, is a selfish and inconsiderate human being who has forsaken his marital vows in favour of pouring all of his passion into poorly animated figurines fighting for control of a small white and black circle. This ‘right-thinking person’ is of course correct but that’s not the point because this man has displayed a deep and unwavering level of commitment as if to metaphorically say to José Mourinho, “No José, you are not the Special One. I am the Special One and I will prove it.”
FM14 is by far Sports Interactive’s most ambitious simulation to date with unparalleled levels of realism both in the boardroom and on the pitch. Starting with the latter, they have, in partnership with Sega, shown continued progression from the text based commentary in the early 2000s to the moving dots in 2004 and then to the 3D animation that culminated in 2012. Whilst the engine in FM12 was the most refined in terms of matchplay, it was basic graphics wise, and FM14 sees a marked improvement in the coherence of the matchplay in the new 3D engine debuted last year. Where we can say the most significant improvements, on an already polished product ever striving for increased realism at the behest of its fans, is in the off-field aspects of the game which undoubtedly constitutes the game’s main appeal to its loyal
“If you’re looking to be the next Mourinho and reach the top of the hall of fame, you’ve come to the right place”
following; otherwise they’d be playing FIFA. Interactions with the Chairman are far more detailed, featuring an interview to get the manager’s job in the first place – as all proper FMers start unemployed – and discussions surrounding the team’s footballing and recruitment philosophies. The interactions in general are more brutal with far more pointed questions from the journalists, even more annoying agents than ever before and the seeming unavoidable antagonism between yourself and fellow managers. The delegation of staff responsibilities is far more detailed with the ability to hire Directors of Football and Chief Scouts to let you create the ideal backroom structure and allow you to focus on the bits of the game you enjoy most. Indeed, these options are detailed to the extent where you can pretty much tailor the game to the kind of manager you want to be. Handson to the nth degree, like Ferguson, or rock up on a
Thursday afternoon like Clough; whichever suits your level of addictedness. If you’re looking to be the next Mourinho and to reach the top of the Hall of Fame, you’ve come to the right place. Just don’t be surprised if your degree goes south in the same way your team will.
The Courier
science.33
Monday 25 November 2013
thecourieronline.co.uk/science c2.science@ncl.ac.uk | @courier_science
Eensy weensy spider creating fear and doubt
The recent media coverage about an outbreak of false widow spiders in the UK has struck terror into the hearts of pretty much everybody across the country, but is there actually anything to be scared about? Laura Staniforth explores
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ou may have read about the eight legged beasts in the papers recently. A friend or loved one may have regaled you with the tale of a horrifying sighting. Or maybe, just maybe, you might have clapped your eyes on one of them yourselves. It is, of course, the false widow spider, which has been causing undue panic across the UK (and of course the tabloids), as sightings this autumn have shot to a record high. There have been reports of serious injuries and hospitalisations due to the venomous bite of the false widow, such as the case of John Caitlin, 66, who experienced the beginnings of organ failure and has taken a full year to recover from his bite. Devonshire amateur footballer Steve Harris, 22, was bitten in his sleep and had to undergo an operation where doctors cut away the skin surrounding the bite mark, in an effort to get rid of the venom. In a move that may have been a great overreaction, the Dean Academy, a secondary school in the Forest of Dean, fully closed for several days after discovering a false widow outbreak. Yes, the false widow spider is classified as the UK’s most venomous. Then again, this isn’t down under, which isn’t saying much. No-one has ever died from its bite, and indeed Mark Champion from the Wildlife Trust states that while the wound is uncomfortable, it’s no stronger than a wasp sting. Is all this alarm and scaremongering really necessary? The truth is…not really. The size of a fifty pence piece, the false widow spider (scientific name Steatoda nobilis) arrived from the Canary Islands in around 1879, most likely in ship cargo or crates of fruit. Interestingly, this means that the false widow has been coexisting with us for quite some time, and simply very few people have noticed. As Dr. John Tweddle of the Natural History Museum
noted: “It’s not an influx as such, rather that existing populations are expanding.” He goes on to note that the population increase is most likely caused by the changing climate, particularly our warmer autumns. Another key factor is that spiders are generally sighted more this time of the year when they reach maximum size, as well as when they are most mobile due to their need to locate a mate.Other species have been falsely branded as dangerous by worried homeowners, who are understandably perturbed about finding a huge spider in their bathtub, though ultimately are frightened over nothing.
The missing sector orb weaver (Zygiella x-notata), the rabbit hutch spider (Steatoda bipunctata) and the lace web spider (Amaurobius similis) have all been mistaken for the false widow, but are mostly harmless. Only the lace web spider may generally bite, and then no lasting symptoms or great pain is experienced. If you have a spider in your home that you would like to identify, then Dr. Tweddle points out the Natural History Museum’s NaturePlus forums, which has experts on hand who are more than happy to classify the offending critter. While it may be beneficial to have a friendly neighbourhood arachnid in your home to hoover up all the unwanted insects, there is official advice to follow if you want it out of your life. Simply scoop it up with a cup and a piece of paper to avoid touching the spider, before releasing it far from your home to minimise its chances of making a daring quest to scuttle back into your arms. Not too scary after all, really.
Illustration by Rachel Templeman
The cold hard truth It’s that time of year again, winter is upon us and at any given time you will know at least one person suffering the common cold but what exactly is this snotty sickness?
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s temperatures plummet an old enemy comes out of hiding: the common cold. The only good news is that keeping warm, hot drinks and a few paracetamol tend to keep the blighter in check, but not many people realise that the cute common cold is a cousin to the flu that wiped out 100 million people in the beginning of the 20th Century and the bird flu that makes people cold sweat even at the mention of the word. A cold can be caused by an array of viruses (rhinovirus being one of the most common) swimming in droplets of phlegm floating in the air from coughs and sneezes around campus. The virus infects the respiratory tract and the viral disposition of the infection means no amount of antibiotics can get you back on your feet and it’s not even the virus causing the impermeable nostrils, runny nose, sore throat – its your own immune system trying to kill the virus. So how does such a tiny thing cause you to feel so horrific? The virus that causes flu basically hijacks your cells and takes control. The virus binds to receptors on your cells’ surface and is then swallowed up by the cell - a process called phagocytosis and then causes havoc. The genetic material inside Rhinoviruses is RNA – a similar molecule to DNA - that invades the cells nucleus and exploits the cells replication and protein synthesis machinery. Your body is now actually producing the virus to
infect more of your own cells. Once your cell is finished with producing all the viruses’ proteins and RNA, the new viruses are built and released by your cells, spreading the infection. Squatters’ rights don’t exist inside your body so it does everything possible to destroy all the flu viruses. Once your cell has a cold virus at its wheel it sends out a molecular cry for help. The virus has proteins on its surface, used to bind to the cell receptors, which the cell chews up and plops on its own surface. This is like a marker telling other cells that “I’m infected – help me!” Cells involved in the body’s immune system called TCells then recognise this cry for help and move over to the cell. The T-cell then forces the infected cell to perform the cells most altruistic act Superhua – cell suicide.
That’s right, the cell is forced to die killing all the viruses inside the cell for the good of the body. Another type of immune system cell called the B-cell interacts with the virus instead of interacting with an infected cell. The B-cell then produces antibodies specific for that virus, which once bound to the virus, block the ability to infect. The T and B cells then go through a process called ‘clonal expansion’ which means they divide furiously so there’s enough to get rid of the infection. A few cells remain in the blood and remember the infection, so if you come into contact with that particular virus again, the infection is tackled before symptoms start. You’re probably still wondering what’s the deal with blocked, runny nose but this is one of the best defenses against the cold. Mucus production in the nose increases upon infection and your sinuses dilate blocking your nose to actually trap the virus in the sticky mucus before it infects cells, you then blow you nose (wipe it on your sleeve) and the virus is out of harms way. Connor Rogerson
8-bit 4 life
The great resolution debate
The Xbox One and Ps4 are two of the biggest releases to hit the gaming world this year causing arguments about which runs on the better resolution. Michael Hicks looks at both sides of ‘resolutiongate’
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t the moment the gaming world is waiting less than patiently for the near-release of the next generation of game consoles: Sony’s Playstation 4 and Microsoft’s Xbox One. As a result, deep-seated rivalries between the two camps have once again flared up, with the latest episode being what incredibly stupid people on the internet have coined ‘Resolutiongate’. If you lead a more sociable life than me and have no idea what I’m talking about, this refers to the fact that the PS4 and Xbox One editions of Call of Duty: Ghosts (undoubtedly one of the biggest releases of the year) run at different resolutions. The PS4 version runs at the whopping 1080p full HD, while the Xbox One version is “shackled down” by only being able to display in 720p definition. Hell, this was such a big deal that even the BBC jumped on the bandwagon. But what exactly does this mean? And how important is this revelation in the grand scheme of gaming? First it is probably a good idea to define ‘resolution’. Wikipedia defines display resolution as the number of pixels which can be displayed in each dimension, which usually takes the form of width x height; so when you see the resolution “1024 x 768”, this means the image you are viewing is 1024 squared pixels wide by 768 squared pixels high. So this means that the resolution of 1080p is 1920 x 1080 pixels and 720p is 1280 x 720 pixels. To summarise those messy numbers: 1080p is a higher resolution than 720p, which means that 1080p will present a much sharper picture than 720p. This should tell us that the PS4 version of Call of Duty is the definitive version, right? Well, the jury is out on that one.
“It is far too early to judge which console is the most powerful on the graphical front just yet” The general consensus seems to be that while the PS4 version of Ghosts does indeed run at 1080p, the frame-rate (frequency of moving pictures) suffers as a result, while the less graphically-impressive Xbox One version runs at the much smoother (and hopefully standard) rate of 60 frames a second. This would say that gameplay on the Xbox One is far smoother, and, for some, can make the Xbox’s version of Ghosts the definitive one. Despite this I feel it is far too early to judge which console is the most powerful on the graphical front just yet. Launch games often look nowhere near as impressive as later releases. (Compare the difference between The Last of Us to the likes of Haze or other early PS3 games). Another reason is that the potential of the graphical horsepower underneath the hoods of the new consoles will not be fully realised until 4K televisions (which have image resolutions four times sharper than the current full HD of 1080p) and monitors become cheaper, and as a result, more accessible to the mass market. Only time and future releases will settle the debate once and for all.
The Courier
35.puzzles
Monday 25 November 2013
Puzzles Don’t change the dizzle, turn it up a lizzle, we got a quiz page full of fine dime quizzles. Hand in your answers at The Courier office to have a chance of winning drizzles at MensBar
Crossword 1
2
3
6
9
4
5
7
14
16
17
18 1 Northumberland town known for bulls and haunted castle (11) 6 King Arthur’s sword; one of the machines used to draw the Lottery numbers (9) 9 “The name’s ___ - Simon Le ___” (3) 10 London Underground line (6) 11 _____ Newton, apple-bothering mathematician; _____ Asimov, chess champ (5) 12 Rare; hard to find (6) 13 ____ Ono, conceptual artist (4) 14 Beings who are half mortal, half divine (8) 17 Tools one might use for ironing unruly kinks from one’s hair (13)
The first person to bring the completed puzzles to The Courier office in the Students’ Union will be awarded the prize and the respect of their peers, which let’s be honest is priceless
“Alright mates, I’ve got a big shopping list this week I’m holding a soiree for the great and good of the TV gameshow world. The word on the street is that Chris Tarrant’s coming, so I need to stock up. Guess how much my basket’s worth and win MensBar vouchers” - Lynx Africa bodyspray (150ml) - 12 frozen chicken goujons (156g) - Calpol (100ml) - Extra dry Martini (1 litre) - 50-piece prawn platter (505g) - 6-can pack of Pedigree Chum
2 1
12
Across
Supermarket Sweep
Sudoku
11
15
Win a MensBar voucher
8
10
13
Puzzles Editors: Tom Nicholson and Sam Summers
Down
1 Expression of enthusiasm favoured by a Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle (9) 2 Where Buzz Lightyear flew to, and beyond (8) 3 Welsh national vegetable (4) 4 Only semi-prepared; state a gun would be in if nearly ready to be fired (10) 5 Type of mushroom; London market (10) 7 Disco legends; French variety of cool (4) 8 Unfocused and sleepy (6) 10 Practice of going round people’s houses and singing Christmas songs (9) 14 Last letter of the Greek alphabet; type of watch for proper fancy Dans (5) 16 “A grain, which in England is generally given to horses, but in Scotland supports the people”, according to Dr Johnson (3) 17 The fiery orb which has left us (3)
4 6
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1 8 6 3 9 5 8 7 3 9 1 6
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3 7 2 5
Oh, Smiggsy!
36.sportfeatures
Monday 25 November 2013
The Courier
Gooooooaaaallazoo!
Following the announcement of this year’s nominations for the Fifa Puskás ‘Goal of the Year’ award, in true pub chat style The Courier takes a look at what skill aspect constitutes the best ‘type of goal’
‘Bicycle brilliance’ What makes a beautiful goal? Is it the circumstances in which it is struck, the technique that is second to none or simply breath taking? Every single football fan has their favourite goal and the most memorable of these goals would have been scored with everything on the line. No British fan will ever forget David Beckham’s free-kick in stoppage time against Greece which sent England to the 2006 World Cup, neither will a Spanish fan deny the opportunity to discuss Andres Iniesta’s opportune strike against Netherlands in the 2010 World Cup. However, in a competition for goal of the year, awe and wonder is necessary when considering Zlatan Ibrahimovic’s strike against England in the contest for the FIFA Puskás award. Playing against England in an interna-
Huezin Lim
tional friendly at Sweden, Joe Hart was caught out of position and attempted to head the ball clear. As the ball was soaring in the air, Ibrahimovic did the unthinkable; he took two steps to 25 yards out, turned his back, and executed a bicycle kick. The rest, they say, is history. There are several aspects of this goal that stands out against the rest. Most impressive is the player’s audacity and boldness to execute such a strike, in the situation he was in. It may have been a friendly, however the game was nothing but. Ibrahimovic showed patience and calmness as he watched Hart’s attempted clearance and struck the ball with confidence. Critics may argue that the goalkeeper was completely out of position and the goal was open, however, not many players but Zlatan Ibrahimovic would be able
to execute ‘the bicycle kick’ even if they had practiced at training. An acrobatic long strike such as this is truly remarkable, even Steven Gerrard said “the best goal he has ever seen”. There may be some beauty in a thunderous volley into the top corner or a weaving scoring run from midfield but nothing quite as astounding as this bicycle kick. It seems worthwhile to point out that there have been female nominees to this year’s Goal of the Year award, some absolute stunners. The increasing inclusion of woman’s football on such a platform can only enhance the attention to women’s football and football as a whole. Here’s wishing all the best to all the nominees, none more deserving than Ibrahimovic!
Zlatan Ibrahimovic celebrates his exquisite bicycle kick against England in November 2012 Photography: Getty Images
‘Passing perfection’ Whether it’s a slow build-up from the back, a lightning fast counter-attack or an intricate bout of tika-taka, we all know that the team-passing goal is the greatest goal a team can score. Juan Manuel Olivera’s nomination for the Puskás Award is no exception. Individual runs combining pace and technical brilliance are obviously great goals. Volleys, especially bicycle kicks, are always fun to watch fly in and powerful drives from deep grant an incredible buzz as they fizz past a rooted goalkeeper, but the best goal, the one that causes every jaw in the stadium to drop, is the team-worked one. A team passing goal combines the art of technical brilliance plus the often harder skill to perfect: teamwork. One bad pass and the attack will break down
Wilshere places the ball home to culminatet Arsenal’s piece of passing perfection this season Photography: Getty Images
‘The net shredder’ Probably because of their extensive rarity, individual goals have always possessed the charming aura of an artwork. Demanding great speed and control as well as change of pace and direction, they are a sign that the performer is world class. Surprisingly, this year there isn’t a single similar contender, participating in the competition. Signing a contract with Barcelona put an end even to Neymar’s usual one-man shows, as he will have to face much more rational defending from now on. The Brazilian was caressing the prize two years ago after a breathtaking solo run against Flamengo, but in 2013 he is preferred for frustrating Japan with a clinical long shot in the Confederations Cup. However, Neymar’s first winner still stands out as the only personal performance to be awarded with the trophy, since it was established in 2009. How-
and a lacklustre finish will result in attacking agony. All the skills needed for the other categories of goal are rolled into one when it comes to a well worked team goal. Teams renowned for great passing all have a pace setter who dictates the tempo of the game from his midfield stronghold. An example is Barcelona’s Xavi, and these players are often at the heart of a great passing goal. In the example of Wilshere’s orgasmic goal against Norwich, Santi Cazorla is that pace setter. Cazorla collects the ball out wide, takes a few touches and slows the counter-attack down, drifts into the centre, plays a rapid one-two with Wilshere, before laying the ball off to Olivier Giroud, who plays it to Tikataka, who back heels the ball into the
James Vesty goal - a cool finish to round off a sublime example of the team passing goal. The role of the pace setter, the potential others involved (such as Giroud) and the eventual goal scorer, all need to combine to achieve a classy passing goal. This is the reason why team passing goals are the most beautiful of goals to be scored. Any player can hit a volley sweetly or rifle a screamer into the top corner; it’s down to luck and the minor role of technical ability. Peter Crouch scored a gem against Manchester City and he’s hardly a lanky Pelé. Passing goals, on the other hand, require more difficult ingredients that, once mixed together, produce memorable moments that leave all football fans absolutely speechless.
Peter Georgiev
ever, after a quiet spell in the individual effort category, are there any noticeable individual goals during the past 11 months? Three come to mind. Before becoming the most expensive player in history, Gareth Bale was carrying Tottenham on his back for quite a long time. So against Norwich in January, the 100-million euro boy received a layoff from Defoe inside the centre-circle, but then raced unstoppably to the edge of the box to grab an equalizer with a strike in the bottom left corner. A year ago his present teammate Jesé Rodriguez was part of Real Madrid Castilla, and it was his superb play against Alcorcon that gave Florentino Perez something to think about. The Spaniard’s excellent sprint down the left channel saw him running in on a goal, which he scored with joy. Thus, he also broke the record of 21 goals, racked up by Emilio Butragueño in 1983/84 in
the Second Division, overtaking the legend with style. A hot and spicy contestant from Argentina was also ignored by FIFA, but you might want to remember this name, ladies and gentleman. The 22-year-old Gabriel Leyes made seven Cerro players look like drunken hippies, while dribbling between them and fooling the goalkeeper to tap the ball into an empty net. Resulting in yet another Uruguayan superstar appearing on the horizon. If Zlatan Ibrahimovic wasn’t mad enough to pull off the screamer of the century, at least one of those goalscorers would have certainly been guaranteed a place among the FIFA Puskas Award Nominees. So though the Swede’s overhead kick nearly blinded the world, appreciate the efforts of some of the individual goal scorers – it will be worth your while.
Brazil’s Neymar celebrates his top corner bound bullet of a volley against Japan Photography: Getty Images
The Courier
intramuralsport.37
Monday 25 November 2013
‘Duckie’ the difference for Meds Division One
Medics first team
his Portugal side, Duckworth appears to be supported by an equally competent cast of players that provide the perfect foil for his own attacking prowess. Most notably, left-winger Matt Anderson and deep-lying playmaker Dave Edwards were utterly dominant in their respective roles, ensuring that the Medics assumed complete control of the fixture from the first whistle until the last. It was the Medics who began the game with a greater degree of impulsion. Within the opening five minutes, Edwards and attacking midfielder Josh Davison each came close to breaking the deadlock, both narrowly missing the target with decent long-range efforts. As Barca continued to struggle to settle into the contest, the warning signs regarding the Duckworth threat began to arise for the their increasingly troubled-looking backline. First he narrowly rolled the ball wide of the post after being played through on goal before, soon after, finding the back of the net with a neat finish, only for the goal to be chalked off for offside. With the game beginning to ebb and flow for the Medics, the first real sign of any sort of attacking threat for Barca was cut short by a brave piece of goalkeeping by Dale Anderson, diving at the feet of the onrushing Barca forward to smother a loose ball inside the box. A lengthy stoppage followed as Anderson was the subject of extensive medial treatment for his troubles. Perhaps looking to avoid a similar media storm to that which surrounded the recent Hugo Lloris incident, it was ultimately decided that he would not be able to continue and the Medics were forced into a subsequent tactical reshuffle. It was Davison who was chosen to deputise between the sticks, with Ian Morant filling the attacking-midfield void. The lengthy stoppage did little to stem the Medics’ tide, and they were eventually rewarded for their bright opening when they took the lead with 20 minutes played. A well-crafted Edwards ball into the feet of Duckworth was well brought in by the forward. As onrushing midfielders galloped forward to join the attack and inherently dragged defenders
5
Duckworth 28 31 50 62, Ellis 90
Barca-Law-Na
0
By Nick Gabriel in Longbenton
Anderson Harris
Preston
Durkan
Edwards
Screawn
Jackson
Davison Anderson
Brunger Duckworth
Slaz
Hoctor Sheratte
Fox
Ajuh Black
Greenstock
Shaw
Howard
Greenlees
Martin
Last Wednesday Medics’ first team kept up their flawless start to the Intra Mural season, battering a lacklustre BarcaLaw-Na outfit 5-0 in Longbenton. In an individual performance akin to that of Cristiano Ronaldo’s against Sweden the night before, the prolific Adam Duckworth added to his unprecedented Intra Mural goal scoring record by netting four times for the Medics as they ran out comfortable winners. Substitute Jack Ellis later added a fifth in secondhalf stoppage time to compound Barca’s misery. In contrast to Ronaldo and the rest of
Barca’s Seb Sheratte evades the challenge of retreating Medics skipper Dave Edwards Photography: Nick Gabriel
away from the ball, space opened up for Duckworth to crisply strike his effort low into the corner of the net. Minutes later, Duckworth made it two. A quickly taken free-kick on the halfway line was played into the path of the alert striker, who proceeded to scuff his finish past the keeper from close range to double his side’s advantage. Duckworth’s sharp movement continued to cause all sorts of problems for the Barca backline right up until the halftime whistle. He even could have completed his hat-trick on the stroke of the interval, narrowly rolling the ball past the post having previously beaten the Barca offside trap once more. He didn’t have to wait long after the interval to inevitably notch his third however, as the relentless Medics made the game safe with 50 minutes gone. Left-back Alex Screawn seized on a loose ball 30 yards from goal, skipped past several Barca defenders and provided a neat cutback across goal that Duckworth duly slotted home.
If Duckworth’s performance up to this point was akin to that of Ronaldo’s the previous evening, Barca’s team display bared more resemblance to England’s against Germany in terms of its insipid nature. Growing increasingly frustrated at the lack of service, skipper Alex Hoctor continually tried to rouse his troops from the front, but it was to little avail. Undoubtedly, it was a different story altogether for the game’s other number nine. Duckworth capped a scintillating individual display with his, and his side’s fourth. A whipped corner in from Anderson was flicked on at the near post. As ever, it was a case of right place right time for the striker, who was on hand to toe poke the ball home from little more than a yard. Following the fourth goal, the Medics continued to press their deflated opponents, with both Edwards and Anderson hitting the same post within minutes of each other as the game wore on. It was not until the 80th minute that Barca at last mustered their first shot on
target, with Hoctor firing a powerful effort goalwards that was fumbled round the post by the so far untested Davison. From the resulting corner, a frantic goalmouth scramble ensued with Barca not quite able to force the ball home, in spite of the ball at one point rebounding off the bar and eventually being cleared away. Minutes later substitute Jack Ellis compounded Barca’s misery, slotting the ball home to complete the rout as darkness began to descend on Longbenton. The emphatic result sees the Medics move five points clear at the top of the Division, albeit having played a game more than their closest rivals the Medics 2nds. As many keen Intra Mural followers predicted, the signing of Duckworth has proved to be a masterstroke by the Medics transfer committee, providing the future doctor’s with a cutting edge in front of goal that ultimately cost them the title last year.
Wimshurst double earns point for Liege Division Three Sub-Standard Liege
After losing out to Toonich in last season’s Division 4 title battle, Liege were out for revenge on Wednesday when the two sides met. Having the luxury of a full squad for the first time this season Sub-Standard had high hopes of a win, but after an early goal by Toonich it was clear they would have to up their game. Liege striker Chris Palmer was brought down in the box by the Toonich’s goalkeeper for a stonewall penalty, leaving Jake Wimshurst to slot the ball into the top right leaving the keeper no chance.
3
Bayern Toonich
3
By Michael Parkinson
The game was tight and chances for both sides were few and far between, but with 10 minutes before the half time whistle, Liege were caught on a counter and Toonich took their chance
edge of the box. Jake Wimshurst stepped up and struck the ball towards the far corner; the keeper seemed to have it covered until it was expertly flicked in and away from
The game ended with the final score of 3-3, and it was fair to say that football was the real winner to regain the lead, leaving the half time score at 2-1. After an inspirational team talk, Liege came out fighting in the second half and earned a free kick a few yards from the
his grasp by his own centre half for an own goal. The scores were level again at 2-2. Mid-way through the second half the weather took a turn for the worse and
like a scene from ‘The Day After Tomorrow’ a roll of thick black cloud left the pitch in near total darkness and it began slamming it down with icy rain. It was time to separate the men from the boys. With about 15 minutes to go Toonich took the lead again and Liege’s hopes seemed crushed, until Amarildo ‘Pato’ Junior displayed some fantastic Brazilian flair and poked in a goal from a corner with 5 minutes to go. The game ended with the final score at 3-3 and it was fair to say that football was the real winner.
League Tables
Wednesday 11 a-side Football Division 1
Division 2
Division 3
Team
Pld
W
D
L
F
A
Pts
Team
Pld
W
D
L
F
A
Pts
1
Newcastle Medics 1sts
5
5
0
0
27
4
15 1
Boca Seniors
4
4
0
0
10
2
12
2
Newcastle Medics 2nds
4
3
1
0
13
5
10 2
Aftermath FC
5
3
1
1
12
7
3
Dyslexic Untied
4
2
0
2
10
11
6
Roman Villa FC
4
3
0
1
9
6
4
Henderson Hall
6
1
3
2
7
8
6
5
Ecosoccer
6
1
2
3
12
15
5
5
Brown Magic F.C.
5
1
1
3
9
6
Barca-Law-Na
5
1
1
3
8
19
4
6
Castle Leazes
6
1
1
4
12
7
Larrikins
4
0
1
3
4
19
1
7
Newcastle Dynamos
5
0
1
4
5
16
3 4
S.S. Ladzio
5
2
2
1
7
Division 4
Team
Pld
W
D
L
F
A
Pts
Team
Pld
W
D
L
F
A
Pts
1
FC Bayern Toonich
6
4
2
0
16
10
14
1
Sons of Pitches
6
4
1
1
23
9
13
10
2
Politic Thistle
5
3
2
0
19
6
11
2
Newhist FC
6
2
3
1
19
11
9
9
3
Sub-Standard Liege
5
2
2
1
13
10
8
3
KFC
5
2
3
0
11
5
9
We Need to Talk About Kevin 4
2
1
1
8
6
7
8
4
South Sandwich FC
5
2
1
2
7
8
7
4
11
4
5
Thundercats
4
1
0
3
10
15
3
5
FC Twente Bag
5
1
1
3
11
15
4
16
4
6
Newcastle Agrics FC
4
1
0
2
8
15
3
6
Geogsoc
4
1
0
3
3
21
3
1
7
Buckminster Fullerenes
5
0
1
4
5
15
1
7
Borussia Mochenflapjack
4
0
1
3
8
16
1
6
38.sportbucs
Bad week for Uni netball
NUNC 1sts 39-47 Leeds 1sts Having lost to Leeds 1sts by a significant amount in the away match, the 1sts were prepared for another feisty enounter. The 1st quarter offered a lot of hope as Newcastle raced in to an early lead, helped by incredibly accurate shooting from Emily Whiteside and ‘player of the match’ Louisa Sorensen. The levels of aggression on court increased throughout the match, with warnings given to both teams. At half-time, Leeds were skulking back into the game and putting pressure on Newcastle balls. However, from there on, Leeds proved to be too strong, taking advantage of Newcastle heads going down. This rallied into the final stages of the match, and Leeds ran away with the last quarter ending up beating Newcastle. NUNC 2nd 41-42 Durham 1sts Much like the 1st team, Newcastle 2nds started the game against Durham very strongly, with Harriet Humphries shooting incredibly accurately from the word go. By the end of the 1st quarter the 2nds were looking confident and were in the lead by 5. Durham overcame the initial shock of the Newcastle outburst and started creeping back in the next couple of quarters, with some accurate shooting from their GS despite some great defending work from Sadie Neve and Lauren Barnett.
Newcastle 2nds started the game strongly, with Harriet Humphries shooting incredibly accurately
As the game went into the final quarter the 2nds were down by 2 and it became a turnover game. In the final minute the turnover that was desperatly needed was made and scored. With 5 seconds to go a desperate shot was made, but sadly bounced out to give Durham the win by 1. NUNC 3rds 31-51 Leeds Met The 3rds put in a great performance against Leeds, especially in the first half, and the end score was an unfair representation of the game. Every single player gave a really good account of themselves, making a number of interceptions all over the court, due to tight marking. Laura Hall deservedly won player of the match due to her constant tips on the ball which broke up Leeds Met’s play. Frankee Bonett played consistently as centre and there was some great turnovers by the defence Lucy Greenwood and Lucy Burden. With Leeds Met sitting top of the league, a lot of positives can be drawn from this game, but unfortunately it was not meant to be.
Monday 25 November 2013
The Courier
Uni lacking against Leeds Rugby Union Newcastle 1sts
8
Leeds 1sts
20
By Jonty Mawer at Cochrane Park On a bitterly cold afternoon in Heaton, Newcastle’s 1st XV were unfortunately pipped to the post by Leeds University. It was a game which embodied each and every one of the fine ideals of rugby union; physicality, competitiveness, skill and, undoubtedly, fairing well in the battle against difficult weather conditions. Both teams conducted themselves admirably in game that unreservedly went down to the wire. From the outset, onlookers could tell that this was going to be nothing but a nail-biting encounter. From the kick-off, Newcastle began the game with customary blitz defence, holding Leeds in their 22 for the opening ten minutes whilst applying serious pressure on their half backs. It was clear that Newcastle wanted to get the ball rolling and put points on the board; Standoff George Cullen took the early initiative by having an immediate shy at the posts from the drop goal. Though his kick just went wide of the uprights, it sent a clear message to Leeds that Newcastle weren’t hanging around; they wanted to get ahead and build a steady lead. The Newcastle pack embodied this eagerness at ruck time. They treated every ruck as a game-winning ruck, every tackle as a match-saving tackle and slowly they managed to gain a stranglehold of their opponents. Leeds were, however, resilient in defence, particularly the back row who continuously staved off the onslaught of the Newcastle tight five at the break down. The physicality of this contest was unrelenting, leaving players from both sides strewn across the pitch requiring medical attention. Newcastle prop forward, Ross Johnstone, was one such player who had unfortunately been forced to leave the field after a sizeable impact with a Leeds back-rower. The early-enforced substitutions did nothing, however, to dampen what had al-
Newcastle look for cracks in a sturdy Leeds defence Photography: Jonty Mawer
ready been a tireless first half hour of rugby. Crucially, however, Newcastle’s keenness in defence started to hamper their progress in the match. Hooker, Hamish Atkinson, was sent to the bin for continuous offside offences meaning Newcastle were now down to 14 men heading towards half-time. Leeds, now ever-present in the Newcastle half, showed subtle signs of dominance at set pieces and, with a man advantage, seemed certain to score. Newcastle, in contrast, seemed frustrated and desperately tried to contain the constant barrage by the Leeds back line. Unfortunately for Newcastle, Leeds managed to orchestrate a score with only ten minutes of the half to go. With the balance of the game as it was, Newcastle needed to get a score back before the break, in order to regain some sort of parity. This lead to an increased sense of urgency in their phase play with the backs crafting more angular and aggressive running lines in order to create a scoring opportunity. Captain, Jo Beckett, epitomized this renewed philosophy, whose solo effort in the shadows of half-time levelled up the game at 5-5. Though the conversion was ultimately missed, Newcastle were irrevocably back in the game and looked keen to capitalize on this shift in momentum. The landscape of the game was such that both teams seemed capable of ac-
quiring victory due to their respective heroics in attack and defence. Leeds, without doubt, looked increasingly dangerous with ball in hand, however Newcastle’s doggedness in defence meant that up to this point, the threat was nullified. The stage was set for a tantalizing second period. Newcastle attacked the second half with renewed energy and focus. From the get go, they displayed a genuine desire to take the game by the scruff of the neck and force a win. Their endeavours were soon rewarded when the referee awarded a kick-able penalty to the home side just inside the Leeds half. Cullen took full advantage despite the challenging weather conditions with a clean strike that allowed his team to take a 3 point lead. Leeds, who were now chasing the game, were intent on building a score and getting themselves back into the contest. After winning a penalty at a breakdown on the half way, the Leeds fly half drilled a kick into the Newcastle 22 to set up a line out for the visitors. The Leeds forwards put Newcastle under immediate pressure after a successful line out drive, pushing them backwards toward their own line and seemingly manoeuvring where they pleased. Newcastle unfortunately were hassled in defence, pressurized into infringements at the ruck culminating in lock Will Witty being sent to the
bin. With the man advantage, Leeds opted for the scrum, seeking to land the knockout punch. As soon as the ball went in, Leeds summoned a final, monumental shove that drove the Newcastle pack into the ground and forced a penalty try to be awarded to the visitors. With a simple conversion, Leeds had now amassed a four-point lead that, only with a few minutes of the match left to go, seemed insurmountable. Despite their best efforts, the home side struggled to string adequate amounts of phases together despite the injection of scrum half Tom Banks in the last few minutes. Due to their all-out attack, they left themselves open in defence, and this was regrettably exploited by the Leeds back line in the final seconds of the match with the Leeds fly half going over in the corner. With the final score at 20-8 to the visitors, it was an overall disappointing afternoon for Newcastle. Though the score line does not reflect the generally close nature of the game, they will assuredly be disappointed with their performance particularly in the second half. However, with a large part of the season left to play, they have plenty of opportunities to redeem themselves. One should not consider this result as a backward step, rather as one of many stepping-stones along the way to a successful year for the 1st XV.
Olympic effort by 3rd XI Women’s Hockey Newcastle 3rds
3
Sheffield Hallam 2nds
1
By Francesca Fitzsimmons at Sheffield Having not lost a match this season, the Newcastle 3rd XI were sitting joint top of the league alongside Sheffield Hallam 2nds. The 3rds were anticipating a tight affair, and were expecting to have to play their best hockey in order to get the edge over Hallam in the Northern 4B BUCS league.
With a relatively new side going into this fixture, the 3rds rose to the occasion and did enough to secure the victory on the newly located London 2012 Olympic pitch. An own goal opened the proceedings after the Hallam defence failed to stop a bouncing pass back in their D and tipped it past the keeper to make it 1-0. Katie Hay stepped up to the mark to make it 2-0 after taking on a solo effort and dodging her way into the D, to shoot from the top of the circle, and send the backboard rattling. A series of nervy play by the 3rds resulted in them conceding early into the second half, as Hallam showed why they were sitting joint first. However, the 3rds showed their dominance once more with skillful and quick passing and set up Lucy Lawson for number three. After another series of Hallam attack,
Chrissie Wilson did an impressive job in goals to prevent Sheffield from closing the deficit. With the final whistle blowing, it was
an impressive performance by the 3rd XI who have set themselves up nicely for promotion.
The top level Olympic pitch at Sheffield Photography: Rebecca Newmarch
The Courier
sportbucs.39
Monday 25 November 2013
Royals rack up 11 against Hallam Men’s Football
Before this encounter, the hosts were sitting second in the Northern 2B group, with seven points. Controversially, Newcastle were sharing second with Sheffield Hallam 2nds. Both teams seemed to be preparing for a tough match, but were eventually disappointed with its one-sidedness. Newcastle couldn’t have hoped for a better start - pushing in front only five minutes after the kick-off. A chance opened for Charlie Pilkington who gave his team the lead, and the tempo never dropped. Sheffield were initially unfazed as they managed to play their best football after conceding the first goal. The guests put in a lot of effort and maintained high pressure to push Newcastle’s backs against the wall. Goalkeeper Dan Readman had to save the day a couple of times, demonstrating brilliant skills. His colleagues salvaged their advantage and pushed back with counter-attacks through both
flanks, with Dan Clements and Jesse Walkin both proving instrumental in turning defence into attack. In the twentieth minute Walkin delivered a dangerous cross, but Sheffield’s defence cleared the ball for a deep breath. Nevertheless, Newcastle were just starting to show some action as James Golby dribbled between four opponents to fire a shot, very nearly finding the back of the net. The inevitable happened ten minutes later when Sheffield’s dreams were torn apart. Poor passing by their midfield allowed Golby to steal the ball, run past the defenders and chip it beautifully over the keeper.
Golby
Clements
Walkin
Spencer
In the blink of an eye The Whites lost possession again and Jesse Walklin danced around the penalty area to drop the ball in the feet of Tom Wilcox, who got his first of the match – 3-0. Sheffield answered with a quick onetwo combination and a threatening attempt, once again dealt with by indefectible Dan Readman. A minute later the ball even jumped off Newcastle’s top bar, completely denying the forwards’ endeavour. Surprisingly, in those moments the hosts got cold feet and struggled to move the ball smoothly and create chances. They got back on track just before
Newcastle 1sts
11
Sheffield Hallam 1sts
0
By Peter Georgiev While the hardest rain in months was pouring down the Longbenton pitches, Newcastle 1sts claimed their third win this season by destroying Sheffield Hallam 2nds 11-0. The Royals had exerted their authority before half-time, but went on to wipe the floor with their opponents for a record-setting victory. The guests were left helpless - trying unsuccessfully to resist Newcastle’s clinical attacking performance and defend their dignity.
Knudsen
Auld
Watson
Taylor
Wilcox
Pilkington
Readman
the break, when Walkin ran down the right wing with pace and delivered yet another perfect pass to Wilcox. Newcastle’s striker showed great confidence, finishing with an elegant backheel and a smirk on his face. The Royals weren’t done just yet. A lack of concentration from Sheffield left Clements completely unmarked, with all the space and time in the world. Clements quickly dribbled into the box, before being brutally tackled for a penalty kick. With already two assists, Jesse Walklin stepped up and put his name on the sheet for a stunning 5-0 edge. Darkened skies opened the second half and the remainder of the match
Both teams seemed to be preparing for a tough match, but were eventually disappointed with its one-sidedness. was played under floodlight. Newcastle remained dominant and never left their opponents out of sight. The rain continued, though instead of only water, it was combined with showers of goals. Sheffield displayed dreadful passing and an abundance of missed tackles allowed Newcastle to set up camp in the penalty box. With Walkin, Golby and Clements cutting through Hallam’s defence to increase the goal deficit, the match was as good as over, and it was now a question of how many. Newcastle had plenty of time to cruise to a memorable win and Walkin nearly
got his second of the match after a powerful strike, which edged just over the bar. But the winger did not let this deter him and was celebrating just a couple of minutes later. Clements was pulled down and the referee awarded the home side a free kick. Walkin didn’t wait for an invitation and stepped up to fire the ball past the wall. With the grass soaking wet, the shot gained immense speed and became ‘mission impossible’ for Hallam’s goalkeeper, who watched number six fly past. It was Captain Joe Watson’s turn to celebrate, scoring Newcastle’s seventh goal from the edge of the box. Soon hat tricks were on the cards, as Walkin and Wilcox gave Newcastle a 9-0 advantage, making the result look like a rugby scoreline. Impressive Alex Auld also had his glory moment sending the ball home, before substitute, Ben Wheeler, added the last nail in Sheffield’s coffin. The defeat left Sheffield Hallam with only one victory out of the last four matches. In contrast, scorching to their seventh consecutive win, Newcastle collected valuable three points. The Blues will face University of York in the next round, aiming to continue their glamorous streak.
Newcastle 2nds also logged an impressive win against Durham 2nds, 3-0 away from home. Back to back wins puts them in 3rd position in Northern 4B league. While the 3rds, unfortunately lost 1-0 away to Northumbria 3rds.
Underwood undoes Liverpool
Men’s Hockey
Newcastle 1sts
9
Liverpool 1sts
2
By Ben Underwood at Longbenton After a slow start to the season, Newcastle’s 1st XI were keen to put some disappointing results behind them and regain the winning formulae that had brought them recognisable success last season. Their clash against Liverpool was never going to be as testing as previous weeks, as their bottom of the league opponents had failed to bag a win yet this year. Things got off to a rocky start, with some nervous passing around the field from Newcastle as they felt the pressure of a much needed win and three points. Ben Underwood opened proceedings with quick reactions and his on the back board, with a back post slip past the keeper, who had no chance at diving for the save. It was the first of the match for Underwood, with many more to come. Despite a slippery surface, the Royals maintained their renowned pace and left Liverpool players flailing on the floor as they attempted to keep up. With play after play down the right wing, and into their attacking D, New-
castle looked in control of the game. They held the majority of the possession and made few fouls to award Liverpool control of the ball. Captain Kempe struck next with a skillful attempt on goal, that he followed up neatly after his initial strike being saved impressively. With a two goal cushion, Newcastle started to relax and play hockey reminiscent of their cup winning side from two years ago. Calling from around the back allowed forwards Marcus Adams and Ben Underwood to confuse the Liverpool defence. As he meandered his way through the Liverpool back four, he managed to maintain his pace and score a cracking top corner effort and make it 3-0, and his second of the match. With spirits high, and a energetic opening twenty minutes, it wasn’t long before Allison took his turn against the scouse defence. With a one two with Josh Mackey through the centre of the pitch, he found himself in possession and took the chance to shoot one home and create a four goal margin. After maintaining the majority of possession in the attacking quarter, the Newcastle defence were left with nothing to do. A Liverpool break, however, caught them unawares and the foul was forced in order to bide Newcastle some time and get players behind the ball. Liverpool were surprisingly slick in the D, and managed to wangle a first goal into the back of the Newcastle net. Keeping their composure, Newcastle
headed forward once more and Mackey launched a second fleeting attack against the defence to make it number five for the home side. Byrd pounced next and ran rings around the Liverpool back four. After finding himself on the penalty spot, Byrd only had eyes for the goal and sent home number six for Newcastle. The all-important win was in the bag, and it was just a question of a hat trick was on the cards for Underwood as he showed his eagerness to get another. An attempt went soaring wide of the post before his third was converted – a composed tap in from the back post,
following a run along the back line from Hazel. With the scoreline lying at 7-0, it was light work for the remaining twenty minutes. Liverpool converted a second opportunity, but it was much to do with Newcastle defence being caught out on the break. Following impressive running from the midfield and the forwards up front, the slow return of players back to defend was anticipated. Allison cemented the victory for Newcastle, as he shot from an impressive angle and managed to shock the Liverpool keeper, who appeared to anticipate the ball going wide of the post.
The final nail in the coffin for Liverpool came after Hazel tapped number 9 home for the Royals. An impressive victory all around for Newcastle 1sts, as the hope to carry on their impressive goal averages for the rest of the season and maintain their position in the Premiership.
Newcastle 1sts play Edinburgh University 2nds in the second round of the BUCS trophy on Wednesday. Support would be welcomed - push back 5.45pm at Longbenton playing fields.
Sport
www.thecourieronline.co.uk Monday 25 November 2013 Issue 1281 Free
thecourieronline.co.uk/sport
Sports Editors: Nick Gabriel, Freddie Caldwell and Fran Fitzsimmons courier.sport@ncl.ac.uk | @Courier_Sport
HOCKEY HEROES THRASH LEEDS - p.39
HALLAM HAMMERED Newcastle put 11 past sorry Sheffield p.39
SPECTACULAR STRIKES What makes a worthy Puskas award winner? p.36
Beaten ‘Borough bail before break Women’s Rugby Newcastle 1sts
5
Loughborough 1sts
0
Match Abandoned By Megan Lines at Heaton Pitches Newcastle Women’s rugby first team were left outraged and stunned as Loughborough called off the game at half time after one of their players got injured. Newcastle firsts were anticipating their home match against Loughborough as they lost to the same team away a month ago, and were eager to prove their worth. Torrential rain was threatening as Loughborough started the game with a kick towards Newcastle. It was caught by the Newcastle girls but turned over into Loughborough possession. They
slowly worked their way towards the try line; however Newcastle’s fierce defensive line meant that they weren’t able to score the points. After some impressive rucking skills, Rachel Middleton stole the ball and made a breakaway up the wing, passing then to Sam West who also made a strong, speedy advance into their half of the pitch.
single player. The ball was then intercepted by Sarah Driver, taking Loughborough by surprise. It was passed to the safe hands of Zoe Price who blasted her way through many of the opposition’s players. 5 metres from the try line, Newcastle were keen to get some points and powerfully attacked Loughborough’s poor defence.
This sly decision shows that the team is far more preoccupied with how they end up in the league tables than having fun and enjoying the game of rugby It was evident that while Loughborough spent the month since the last game being complacent, the Newcastle women’s team were working hard trying to improve their skills and fitness levels, and it definitely showed on the pitch. The ball was then turned over to Loughborough, who did not utilise the possession well. They passed from side to side but never actually moved forward very much due to Newcastle’s line speed and incredible tackles from every
Newcastle’s strong attack culminated in a try from Driver on the wing, who forcefully pushed her way through. With the score now at 5-0 to Newcastle, Loughborough tried to even the score by running hard after their kick to Newcastle. However, the great combination of number 9 Rosie Neal and 10 Lucy Henson meant that the ball barely stayed in Newcastle’s half. Loughborough did get possession
from a ruck and kicked it away, but this did not faze fullback Ally Mountford who caught it and swiftly made her way up the pitch. Five minutes from half time, the Loughborough number 13 went down with an injury to the head and an ambulance had to be called. After some time waiting, Loughborough decided that as a team they were unable to play and called off the match. A rule states that the score can only count if 60 minutes of rugby has been played, but the match only lasted 30, therefore the crucial win for Newcastle would not be added to the BUCS league table. Although the team were annoyed and disappointed, it is clear that Loughborough had underestimated the Newcastle side and feel the need to have more time training. This sly decision shows that the team is far more preoccupied with how they end up in the league tables than having fun and enjoying the game of rugby. The match will be rescheduled in January, and Newcastle will undoubtedly rise to the challenge once more and beat the arrogance out of the Loughborough first team.
Photography: Getty Images
RUGBY PLAYERS HUMBLED
1st XV suffer shock defeat p.38
MAGIC MEDICS Duckworth does it again p.37