www.thecourieronline.co.uk Monday 18 November 2013 Issue 1280 Free
DOUBLE TROUBLE Charming chat from sectarian violence to sausage rolls p.12
The Independent Voice of Newcastle Students
WHICH DOCTOR? p.28
Est 1948
CATCHING FIRE p.29
Fresh Meat taste success
By Sabine Kucher Deputy News Editor Voter turnout rose to record levels at last week’s NUSU elections with nearly 7600 votes cast, more than doubling last year’s figure of 2,899. In total 11.6% of students chose their favourites for 6 different positions. NUSU’s President Calum Mackenzie commented: “It’s been such a great turnout this year, an improvement on last year.” “It’s really important that people vote. It’s one of two opportunities in the year to have your say in how the Union’s run.” With the closing of the polls students had elected 4 new part-time officers and 5 delegates to represent Newcastle at the upcoming NUS Conference in Liverpool. They also voted a new team of Freshers’ Week Organisers in - only 2 months after the last teams ran the most successful Freshers’ Week at NUS. The Junior Returning Officer Lindsey Lockey opened what would be a night of celebration for the winners by announcing the results for all the uncontested races. Karan Wadhwani was elected as Com-
munity Officer, Jack Burton as Convenor of Debates and Varunkumar Virani will be addressing racism Racial Equality Officer. Defying expectations, the previously vacant position of Postgraduate Officer was the most hotly contested race with four candidates competing for the post. A clear winner only emerged after the 3rd round of eliminations which see the weakest can“There have didate knocked been a lot out and their votof sleepless ers’ second and nights this third preferences week when reallocated. Speaking to we were out e Courier dicampaigning, Th after the but now it feels rectly an n ou n c e m e nt like all that Postgraduate Ofhard work has ficer-elect Achint Soni said: “I’m paid off” really glad that I won and I hope to be there for all the postgrads this year.” He already has concrete plans, too, and when asked which policy he wanted to make reality first, he stated: “Definitely trying to get a jobs fair for the smaller
companies in the north east because I don’t think they get their voice heard at the University.” The candidates for NUS Delegate went head to head in the race with three of them tied for first place after the first round. Luckily, there were 5 positions to represent Newcastle at the annual NUS Conference and Emily Horswill, Jocelyn Hickey, Joel Cave, Joshua Arad, and Luke Neal were elected. The race that attracted the most interest and saw the highest number of votes cast and some very creative campaigns was announced last to keep the audience on their feet. The Freshers’ Week Organisers for 2014 are going to be Fresh Meat, who were overjoyed and fell into each other’s arms. Emil Franchi spoke for the entire team when he thanked their supporters and said: “There have been a lot of sleepless nights this week when we were out campaigning, but now it feels like all that hard work has paid off. “We really want to make Freshers’ Week more appealing to international students and others who have not been as involved in the past and really, we want to make it the best one yet.”
Police try student union infiltration By Anna Templeton News Editor
Police have attempted to spy on the political activities of students at Cambridge University by attempting to recruit an informer. A political activist in his 20s was approached by police and asked to inform on his fellow students in exchange for money. In order to expose the surveillance of students, the activist wore a hidden camera to the meeting to record the officer asking him about the political activities of undergraduates and other students. The officer asked the student to name other who were planning protests, to list the vehicles they were travelling to demonstrations in, and to identify leaders of the protests. He also asked the activist to look on Facebook and search for plans
for the latest protests. The activist asked whether a group known as Cambridge Defend Education, which has protested against tuition fees and education cuts, would be of interest. The officer replied: “That’s the sort of thing that we would be looking for. Again, basic sort of stuff. It’s all the internet. “When they have meetings and they are discussing what they are going to do, that’s when we’ll say: ‘Will you go along?’” The student believes he was asked because he had been an active member of environmental and anti-nuclear groups. He had also been arrested three times on demonstrations, although never charged. The officer, whilst attempting to persuade the activist, advised him not to “think too deeply” about informing on his fellow campaigners as he might “tie himself up in knots.”
News
2
Monday 18 November 2013
SMARTWATCH
WHAT THE FLUX? Careers Service bring business professionals for competition
5 7
COMMENT
9 11
TELEVISION SEXISM? This weeks Yes/ No. Should CCTV be banned?
STUDENT DELUSION
Majority of student’s in poll expect 6 figures
SPORT
36 38
ASHES COUNTDOWN Lowdown on the big tournament
‘When you have exhausted all possibilities, remember this - you haven’t’
Bizarre
- Thomas Eddison
Tattoo-ine
David D-ink-leby
David Dimbleby has had his first tattoo at the youthful age of 75. The tattoo, of a scorpion on his shoulder, was completed during filming of his new series Britain and the Sea, as part of a section showing how body art was brought to the UK. Dimbleby was quoted as ‘always wanting a tattoo’.
Golfer not so Happy Gilmore A British man is considering legal action after been mauled by a crocodile on luxury Mexican golf course. The 58 year old was reported to have being playing a bunker shot when the 12 foot reptile attacked. Friends apparently rammed the reptile with a golf buggy and defended themselves with golf clubs. Bosses at the luxury golf course have reiterated their warnings about the ‘unique characteristics’ of the course.
ix
Durham inventor creates watch linked to smartphone
Wise Words:
In
NEWS
News Editors: Anna Templeton and James Simpson Deputy News Editors: Sabine Kucher courier.news@ncl.ac.uk | @TheCourier_News
m
e h t
thecourieronline.co.uk/news
The Courier
James Simpson Jack Parker
Urban Myth?
Russia
Spotted: Mystery Man nails testicles to pavement Green Lady Red Tops Banned Residents of Northfield in Birmingham A performance artist in Russia has UK University
Birmingham City University has banned the sale of the Sun in its university stores in protest of the paper’s continued use of Page 3. The paper has also been banned from sale at the University of Bradford. There is also increasing pressure on NUSU to follow in banning the popular red top newspaper from its shelves.
have become concerned after seeing a woman dressed in a green morphsuit. The woman has been seen at bus stops around the area either reading a book or standing in a top hat. It also appears she has a sidekick, nicknamed ‘Lord Green’. Her identity remains a mystery.
Pop nostalgia
E = McBusted
VOLLEYBALL VICTORY Newcastle beat Sunderland 3-0
Exercising their right to travel
As part of a fitness drive before the Winter Olympics, officials are offering commuters the chance to do 30 squats and not have to pay for their journey on the Moscow Metro. A machine at Vystavochnaya station measures how many squats have been performed before a free ticket is issued.
NUSU, King’s Walk, Newcastle upon Tyne, NE1 8QB. Tel: 0191 239 3940
The Courier is a weekly newspaper produced by students, for students. It’s never too late to get involved in the paper, whether you’re a writer, illustrator or photographer. Just visit thecourieronline.co.uk/getinvolved for more information.
It was announced last week that Busted and McFly will team up for a UK tour next April. The new band labelled ‘McBusted’ will embark on a tour of the UK spanning two months performing 11 shows. The announcement has delighted most fans but has left some disappointed as Busted heartthrob Charlie Simpson will not be making an appearance.
Image: YouTube
nailed down his testicles in Moscow’s Red Square. Pyotr Pavlensky, 29, nailed his testicles to the ground outside of Lenin’s Mausoleum in protest, tying to draw attention to what he views as Russia’s development into a ‘Police state’. He was subsequently taken to a medical centre where he refused anything but basic treatment, before being taken into custody. It is not the first time Pavlensky has protested, he has previously sewn his lips together in protest of the jailing of members of protest band Pussy Riot.
Love is blind
Man marries tree in publicity stunt
A fanatic environmentalist has married a tree. The ceremony took place in Argentina and was organised by Peruvian Richard Torres. The stunt was to raise awareness of environmental issues. It has been reported that vows were read and rings were exchanged topped off with a few kisses. The whole affair finished with the groom throwing a bouquet of flowers over his head into the waiting crowds.
Editor George Sandeman Deputy Editor Tom Nicholson Web Editor Ben Brown News Editors Anna Templeton and James Simpson Deputy News Editors Sabine Kucher Comment Editors Lydia Carroll and Joe Wood Deputy Comment Editor Victoria Armstrong Culture Editor Sam Summers Lifestyle Editors Evie O’Sullivan, Elizabeth Archer, Hazel Parnell and Katie Smith Fashion Editors Amy O’Rourke and Frances Stephenson Deputy Fashion Editors Rebekah Finney Beauty Editors Amy Macauley and Safiya Ahmed Arts Editors Millie Walton and Charlie Dearnley Deputy Arts Editor Laura Wotton Film Editors Muneeb Hafiz and Jacob Crompton-Schreiber Music Editors Kate Bennett and Ian Mason TV Editor Beth Durant Deputy TV Editor Helen Daly Science Editor Lizzie Hampson Deputy Science Editors Peter Style and Emad Ahmed Sports Editors Nick Gabriel, Freddie Caldwell and Francesca Fitzsimmons Copy Editors Lucy Davis, Emma Broadhouse and Megan Ayres
Animals
French llama goes on midnight walk
Five sloshed students from Bordeaux in France stole a llama from a local circus deciding that a road sign was too mainstream to steal. Serge, the llama was their second choice after not being able to find a zebra. Apparently he did not mind being taken for a little trip, as one student, Mathieu put it ‘It walked with us like a good dog would.’ They then decided that Serge would appreciate a train tour of Bordeaux, attracting the attention of fellow passengers and local authorities, the Five made off from the scene, leaving Serge to be returned to his owners.
Images: Flickr Commons
The Courier is printed by: Print and Digital Associates, Fernleigh House, 10 Uttoxeter Road, Derby, Derbyshire, United Kingdom, DE3 0DA. Established in 1948, The Courier is the fully independent student newspaper of the Students’ Union at Newcastle University. The Courier is published weekly during term time, and is free of charge. The design, text, photographs and graphics are copyright of The Courier and its individual contributors. No parts of this newspaper may be reproduced without the prior permission of the Editor. Any views expressed in this newspaper’s opinion pieces are those of the individual writing, and not of The Courier, the Students’ Union or Newcastle University.
The Courier
news.3
Monday 18 November 2013
RAG strut their stuff for charity in spectacular show By Harriet Sale Last Thursday saw the second ever charity fashion show, organised by this year’s RAG organising committee. Whilst last year’s trailblazers set a high standard, this year’s RAG organising committee completely surpassed expectations with the fashion show ‘GLADRAGS’. Over 230 people attended the event that was held in the Union and many local brands donated and supported the lively show to create a profession and entertaining evening. On arrival, every guest received a free tote bag filled with useful goodies that ranged from Unilever essential mini products and ProperCorn Popcorn to Avita Coconut Water and Ann Summers secret possessions! Special RAG cocktails and Krispy Kreme Donuts were a tasty way to start the evening alongside a Neil’s Yard Remedies pop up stall. The audience saw slick walks show-
“It couldn’t have been better. Everyone worked so hard and it paid off ” casing Autumn/Winter 2013 ranges by Love Niche, Officer’s Club, Topshop, Jack Wills, Deep Clothing and Ann Summers. Chateau Boutique produced bespoke formal dresses specially made for the models and the accessory walk featured delicate Melanie Kyle’s Collars and colourful Lancelot Knight satchels. The models were confident and composed with stunning hair by Boiler House and makeup by talented student artists. The highly choreographed walks were creative and well-practiced, and were illustrative that there is more to modelling than just strutting! There was huge enthusiasm for the raffle, which had some fantastic prizes kindly donated to the event that ranged from a cocktail master class and burgers for four at The Jam Jar, Jesmond to two tickets to see ‘The Clare Balding Show’ being filmed live in London. Between the clothing lines the entertainment diversified with the Dance Society performing energetic routines; the Advanced and Intermediate Jazz Groups began before a third truly animating Street Dance routine. On top of this Fay Shears sang heartfelt renditions of Caro Emerald’s ‘Liquid Lunch’ and Miley Cyrus’s Wrecking Ball,’ whilst it was James Houston that captured the audience’s attention with his stunning acoustic Bon Iver cover and two soulful original pieces. Rosie Leatherland, Activities Officer and last year’s RAG Officer in the Students’ Union, said: “After the success of last year’s event, we were hoping were could make this year bigger and better and we really feel we did. The response form the audience was fantastic and the support form the charity.” Christian Cargill and Annelies De Jong proved to be a polished presenting
CATWALK Huge enthusiasm filled the Venue last Thursday to raise money for Cancer research Image: Victoria Armstrong, Askshat Akarsh and Amy O’Rourke
duo, leading the evening’s entertainment with infectious energy from the start. Fashion show organise Annelies said at the end that: “It couldn’t have been better. Everyone worked so hard and it really paid off. It was perfect.” The vocal audience were hugely encouraging to all those taking part and everyone received a fabulously big pair of knickers that were a fun token of the national ‘Smarty Pants’ campaign that the event was supporting.
‘Smartypants’ is a specifically They raised student focused awareness and project that aims to promote and crucial funds money for for Cancer Re- raise the Association search with the for International Smarty Pants Cancer Research. The charity procampaign vides vital funding for cancer researchers looking for new ways to prevent, diagnose and treat
the illness that claims over twelve million lives worldwide and a staggering one in four lives in the UK. An ambassador for the trust attended the event and spoke briefly of the charity’s indebted gratitude for everyone’s generous donations and afterwards said: “The RAG Committee worked incredibly hard to make the night a huge success, while at the same time raising awareness and crucial funds for AICR. Smartypants is a unique campaign, getting students all around the UK to
stand up to the fight against cancer. We simply could not make the campaign the success that it is without such hardworking volunteers!” The model’s commented that they too “absolutely loved [the whole experience]” and that they were “proud to be supporting such an admirable charity at the same time as having such fun.” Please link any photos from the evening to #smartypantsAICR and ‘like’ the photos album for your chance to win to win some Champagne.
4.news
Monday 18 November 2013
The Courier
Prof tackles debilitating arthritic problems By Sophia McBride
HANDS ON Professor Briggs brought together a team of experts who hope to find a way to ease discomfort for sufferers Image: MissFit666
A Newcastle Professor has been involved in research to tackle the problems of arthritis. In the UK, 10 million people live with the anguish of arthritis, a condition that causes pain and inflammation within a joint. Although often associated with older people, arthritis can affect children and about 12,000 children under 16 years of age have arthritis in the UK. Although there is no cure for arthritis, a simple test to discern the susceptibility of a patient could be available in GPs’ surgeries within five years thanks to a new research project. This technique could lead to further developments with the possibility of growing fresh cartilage in a laboratory in order to replace affected areas. The five-year study – nicknamed SYBIL – is being carried out by a group of scientists led by universities in Newcastle and Manchester. Having researched genetic skeletal diseases for 25 years and having led and coordinated 3 EUfunded research networks over the last 10 years (ESDN 2002-13; Eurogrow 2007-10 and now SYBIL 2013-18) worth over 20 million Euros. Professor Mike Briggs, a world-renowned expert in skeletal genetics at Newcastle University, explained his involvement in the project: “Because I had previously led the other Networks, when the opportunity came to put a bid in for EU funding as part of their FP7 programme, called
“HEALTH.2013.2.1.1-1: Functional validation in animal and cellular models of genetic determinants of diseases and ageing processes”, with my contacts I was able to bring together a team of European Scientists who were experts in genetic diseases, arthritis and osteoporosis so that we could form a multidisciplinary team.” With 18 Partners across Europe, SYBIL therefore brings together a translational and transnational group of world-class scientists, systems biologists, disease modellers, information technologists and industrialists with the aim of delivering its ambitious objectives. Moreover, with a budget of 12 million Euros the research is also hoped to develop a better understanding of more rare genetic conditions such as spondyloepiphyseal dysplasia congenita, or dwarfism. A number of treatments are available that can help slow down the condition’s progress and medication can help relieve the symptoms, with surgery being recommended in severe cases. Professor Mike Briggs, added that he is hopeful for a reduction in discomfort for future sufferers of the disease: “We now have more money and a lot more new cutting-edge technologies that we can use. In the first instance it will mean an easy and cheap test to detect the first signs of osteoarthritis (cartilage degradation) before the onset of pain. In the longer term we hope to develop potential therapeutic targets that could be developed as new treatments.”
Graduate wins prestigious comp By Ruth Davis Angus Campbell Golding, a 26 year old who studied history at Newcastle University, won first prize in the National Archives’ Files on Film competition. This competition required entrants choose a document out of ten picked from the National Archives’ collection and make a short film response to it. Using information from the post-war ministry of information leaflet, Golding produced a three minute film offering a Caribbean perspective on life in Eng-
Golding’s film contained an original soundtrack composed by Josh Wynter, and had Matt Christian Reed as an actor. It was thought by the judges to “combine humour, emotion and drama to bring the document to life.” Also commented on was the fact that the elements of the film “would resonate with the experiences of both those arriving in England for the first time and those who had lived here all their lives.” This is shown by Golding’s use of light hearted British stereotypes, such as the humorous discussion of British cuisine, with its emphasis on how many meals
Golding implies the harsh truth that life for an emigrant in Britain was not easy at the time
land in the 1950s. This was based on a government pamphlet produced in 1951, entitled ‘A West Indian in England’. The pamphlet was initially created to show immigrants from the Caribbean what life may be like in England, as at the end of the Second World War, British governments had tried to attract workers for the depleted labour market but soon they were seen as a problem due to the lack of housing, and many people showed racial discrimination. Golding was thrilled to be announced the winner, and commented that “the competition was a brilliant way of showing how compelling and engaging these documents are. This was a sublime document. It was empathetic, patronising, funny, terribly sad, and moving, all at once.”
the potato was consumed in, and the statement that the British “do not use food to their best advantage.” However, a darker side of the film is shown by the declaration that “this is not home”, and there are no family or friends here for an immigrant from the Caribbean to fall back on should they have difficulties. For the duration of the film, a West Indian man is alone on a train, which has emotional impact as this represents the travelling many emigrants undertook in order to reach a place where they believed they would have a better life. The film ends with the poignant lines “good luck to you”, through which Golding implies the harsh truth that life for an emigrant in Britain was not easy at the time.
The Courier
news.5
Monday 18 November 2013
Phone-less smartwatch from Durham set to be a hit with student population By Jenni Cannon Durham-based company Orsto has recently announced that one of its researchers is finalising a design for one of the world’s most advanced smartwatches, which will be able to hold a SIM card and work as a fully-functioning alternative to a smartphone. The project began three years ago, when company founder Paul Gill started to conduct research into simple tracking technology to locate things such as cargo and letters. This expanded into ideas around connecting technology to humans for tracking in areas like fitness, and later developed into “wearable technology’” commonly known in the market now as smartwatches. The X3 is Orsto’s third prototype smartwatch, as designs have moved along with rapidly moving technological advances. Company founder Paul described the smartwatch market as ‘similar to Recent statis- mobile phones… tics show there it ranges from the supermarket is potentially a £50 option to more large market expensive and advanced techwith young nology like the people iPhone.” Samsung and Sony already have smartwatch models on the market, which Paul classes as “mid-range…you can receive messages from your mobile phone to the device, but only works as an accessory to the smartwatch. The X3 is different as it can work completely as a stand-alone device.” Talking about the potential for the X3 to become a competitor to smartphones, as opposed to other wearable technology, he
WATCH THIS SPACE Paul’s smartwatch, due to it’s ‘wearable technology’ helps minimise damage or loss when using the device Image: Orsto
told The Courier that the X3 could be: “better than the standard smartphone on many occasions, such as during exercise when you don’t want to have to hold a phone. It also has less risk of damage than most expensive technology, as it is unlikely to be dropped, damaged or left behind.” Recent statistics show that there is potentially a large market for this sort of technology with young people – 60% of 16-24 year olds have expressed an interest in the idea of owning a smartwatch over the next few years. The research and design phase for X3 has now come to an end, and the company is focusing its attention on acquiring funding for the model to go to market. The project is being crowdfunded, which means that the public are being asked to make small investments, starting at £10, for equity shares in the company. Paul told The Courier that the company has gone down this route due to a lack of government funding: “we’re too old to qualify for startup funding, but too new for business expansion, so we’re in a middle ground where no money is available. Our aim has always been to create jobs in the North East, but those giving out grant funding are more concerned with return on investment, which is understandable.” The project’s ultimate aim is to raise £150,000 over the next 28 days. This will mean that pre-production prototypes would be ready for next March, and the X3 would eventually go to market in summer 2014. The project has the potential to generate significant consequences for the North East: Paul states the ultimate goal as “creating a hub of production in the North East, and making it one of the world leaders in this sort of technology.”
Newcastle’s Got Talent returns to Toon By Isabelle Wilkinson This Wednesday evening sees the return of Medsin’s variety show, Newcastle’s Got Talent. The aim of the showcase is to promote global and local health initiatives whilst providing a platform for Newcastle’s own to exhibit their many talents. Last year, Newcastle Medsin raised £1,000 for the refurbishment of the Paediatrics Unit of the Komfo Anokye teaching hospital in Ghana and supporting the local Tyneside Rape Crisis. This year, organisers are striving to make the evening bigger and better by inviting a variety of societies to perform, guest speakers, raffles and the allimportant winning performance. Raising awareness of this year’s two health charities will accompany the entertainment, projects in both Uganda and the North East. Medsin is a student network and registered charity tackling global and local health inequalities through education, advocacy and community action. Their vision of “a fair world in which equity in health is a reality for all” is being implicated by student representatives at over thirty universities in the United Kingdom. For the past ten years members of Medsin have resolved to educate and
advocate their peers and the wider community with the mind to help solve global, local and national health inequalities. The chosen global focus for this show is the Ugandan project, ‘Centre for Youth Driven Development Initiatives’ which aims to empower young people to take charge of their future. This year the organisers have chosen to support the Children’s Society North East, which helps vulnerable children in the local area. Of course, fierce competition is promised as last year’s champions, the Pole Dance Society, battle it out against a variety of challengers, the Irish Dance Society, Gilbert and Sullivan Society, ComedySoc and Newcastle University Theatre Society to be crowned as the winner of Newcastle’s Got Talent, picked by the audience. Newcastle is an active branch of the Medsin organisation, hosting and attending an abundance of conferences and fundraising events throughout the academic year – for more information on how to get involved, log on to the NUSU societies home page. Tickets are available from the SU reception or the medical school for £5 advance or £6 on the door
POLE POSITION
The Pole Dance Society scooped first place in last year’s show, and will return to battle 4 other societies for the most talented society Image: Medsin
6.news
Monday 18 November 2013
The Courier
CrossFit craze gets Newcastle sweaty By Olivia Codd A new fitness craze known as CrossFit has hit Newcastle. Newcastle University CrossFit Club provides students a chance to train in a CrossFit strength and conditioning program. £30 a month gets you a personal program designed for the individual, teaching from coaches and seminars on nutrition, mobility and accessory work to develop your skills. Not only will your physical abilities and fitness grow, you will become a fitter and healthier version of yourself, as well as becoming part of that CrossFit community. CrossFit is a fitness programme designed to improve each component of your physical fitness. The programme concentrates on varied functional movements performed at high intensity to achieve a high level of overall fitness. It uses a blend of weightlifting movements, gymnastic elements and other activities. The Workout of the Day (WOD) is structured in such a way that participants are challenged to perform a certain number of movements and repetitions in a specific time frame. The aim being is a short, high intensity, explosive workout meant to push you to your boundaries and above. While it challenges the world’s fittest, the CrossFit program is designed for
universal scalability, making it the perfect application for any committed individual, regardless of experience. The Programme the club will create will be tailored to the individuals so that everything is scalable and intensity levels are specific to the individual. If you want to lift heavy and go hard, you’re entitled to do so but only if the coaches believe that you have the technique. By contrast, if you are not so comfortable with “You do not the movements, or feel that you have to be need to go slower an incredible that is equally athlete to join, fine. you don’t even The group stress you do not have to know that have to be an half the move- incredible athlete to join, you ments” don’t even have to know what half the movements are, what is important is if you turn up with an attitude that says, ‘I am not going to give up’. It is a challenging programme, nonetheless, a programme well worth giving a try, and you never know you could join the growing number of people who call themselves a ‘CrossFit Addict’ If you want to give it a try, classes are held every Wednesday at 1:30-2:30, Saturday 1:30-2:30 and Sunday 2-3pm at Reebok CrossFit Tyneside (near the Quayside). Email nucrossfit@gmail.com and they will set up a taster session.
FEEL THE BURN A class demonstrating some of the strength and conditioning moves to help improve overall fitness Image: CrossFit
The Courier
news.7
Monday 18 November 2013
Careers Service get ideas in FLUX On the 26 and 27 November, Newcastle University Careers Service will present the FLUX competition, a fast-paced challenge which will guide contestants through the entire process of solving real world business problems. The event will be attended by many big names in the business sector, such as Aldi, Unilever, Santander, Deloitte, and others. Students can enter the FLUX competition as either individuals or teams of six, for the course of two days.
as a team to come up with an idea reasonably quickly. Contestants should also use the business meetings effectively, hear out and apply the advice they get from the experts, and then use the remaining time they have to work on their presentations. “Every team member’s individual strength has to be utilized. The most important thing about it, however, is just to have good fun. Students I’ve worked with before have all really enjoyed taking part in FLUX.” Many individual and team prizes will be given out during the final day of FLUX. The winning team will gain £500
There are no prerequisites for taking part in FLUX. The event is for students from all stages and all courses in the university. No prior knowledge of business or business management is required, as all contestants will be thoroughly briefed before they start working on the problem at hand. On the day of the competition, the students will develop a business plan to solve a local problem. Meetings with experts, who will be there to help and provide advice, will be conducted. After the business meetings, the teams’ ideas will be assessed and the best team will be selected. “It’s a bit like a crossover between The Apprentice and Dragons’ Den,” Marc Lintern, director of the Careers Service, said in an interview for The Courier. “It’s basically about working together
and the chance to represent the university in the National Final of FLUX in Lancaster, which will take place in spring 2014. “Last year we had about 40-50 students take part. We got really positive feedback from them,” Lintern commented. “One of the key things about FLUX is, whether you win or don’t win, you get feedback, plus a chance to make new contacts. Employers want to support students by attending the event, however they’re also on the lookout for potential employees. So that’s one important thing to keep in mind.” FLUX competitions are not just a British thing anymore: “We’ve ran FLUX competitions for two years in Sri Lanka as well, with two universities in Colombo. A FLUX competition will also run in South Africa this summer.”
By Antonia Velikova
“It’s basically about working together as a team to come up with an idea quickly”
FLUX AND FLOW
Business experts will descend on Newcastle to offer help and advice to students involved in the competition Image: Careers Service
NUS condemn payday loans By Jack Parker The NUS have signed a charter to stop what they call ‘the Payday Loan RipOff ’. The charter was signed after the NUS, concerned over the proliferation of payday lenders, revealed that research into payday lenders and students found that three percent of college and university students have taken out these high-risk payday loans, this rises to six per cent for students aged 21 and over. The research also revealed that students who care for dependent adults are three times more likely to take out a “Any student payday loan. The research, worried about took into their finances which account the views get in touch of over 14,500 students in the with their SU UK, highlighted for advice” the financial pressures that many undergraduate and postgraduate students are under in the current economic climate. 50 percent of those surveyed found themselves regularly worrying about paying for basic necessities and living expenses such as food, rent and utility costs. This led to the launch of the NUS campaign earlier in the year to make universities and other higher education institutions across the UK ‘shark free
NO WAY PAYDAY
The charter signed by the NUS after research uncovered large amounts of students taking out high risk loans Image: NUS
zones’ , by banning the advertising of high risk payday lenders on campuses. This campaign was further bolstered
by the signing up of the NUS to the ‘Charter to stop the Payday Loan RipOff ’ on the 6 November by Colum
McGuire, NUS Vice President of welfare, and Paul Blomfield. The charter was launched following the Financial
Conduct Authority’s proposal for the regulation of payday lenders. The Charter is backed by a cross-part group of influential MPs, as well as some of the UK’s biggest debt, consumer advice and poverty organisations, and charities, including Which?, Citizens Advice Bureau, Church Action on Poverty and the Centre for Responsible Credit . Speaking of the charter, Colum McGuire, NUS Vice President of Welfare, stated that: “We are clear that no student should ever feel that they have to turn to payday lenders”, going on to say that: “any student worried about their finances get in touch with their students’ union for advice.” He went on to say that “Debts from high interest loan companies can potentially ruin peoples’ lives. It’s clear that some payday lenders were targeting vulnerable students and we hope that there will soon be action to challenge these practices.” Paul Blomfield MP added his support to the NUS’s signing of the charter, saying that he was “delighted that NUS are backing the Charter to Stop the Payday Loan Rip-off.” He also noted that “Payday lenders see students as a growth area of business”, acknowledging the problems of this approach. “Students can make a real difference by signing up to our Charter and adding to the pressure for effective regulation to stop payday lenders ripping people off.”
8.nationalstudentnews
Monday 18 November 2013
VC predicts £20k student fees By Antonia Velikova Universities in the UK are set to raise their tuition fees up to £20,000 a year, said Nick Petford, the vice-chancellor of the University of Northampton in a podcast for Times Higher Education. “Some universities in the UK that have a high brand value will be able to charge £17,000, £18,000 or £20,000 a year in the future – I am sure of that,” Professor Petford commented in the podcast. This follows a statement from last month, made by Professor Andrew Hamilton, vice-chancellor of Oxford, claiming that elite universities should be allowed to charge students no less than £16,000 per year – a notion, with which Deputy Prime Minister Nick
Job Title: Reception Clerk Employer: NHS Closing date: 19.11.2013 Salary: £14,294 to £17,425 per annum, pro rata Basic job description: A Reception Clerk is required to work 20 hours per week at South Tyneside Foundation Trust. Your main responsibility will be to provide administration and clerical assistance to the Emergency Care Department. Key Tasks will include inputting of data onto the patient management systems within the department, booking of clinic / GP appointments and dealing with telephone enquiries. Person requirements: You should have the ability to organise and prioritise your own workload and meet daily / weekly deadlines efficiently and in a timely manner. You must have a good educational background; a pleasant manner coupled with excellent communication skills and be able to demonstrate the need for confidentiality. Will you need to be flexible to meet the needs of the service. Location: South Shields. Job Title: Bar Staff Employer: Brandling Arms Closing date: None given Salary: To be confirmed. Basic job description: Bar Staff are required to work part-time hours in the evenings and weekends at the Brandling Arms pub in Gosforth, Newcastle. You’ll be responsible for taking orders, serving excellent quality food and a great range of drinks. You’ll work with the team on shift to create a friendly, buzzing atmosphere for our customers to enjoy. You’ll ensure the highest standards of cleanliness, safety, and compliance with licensing law and cash handling procedures. Person requirements: You must be committed to delivering the highest standards of customer service. You should be enthusiastic about what you do and willing to learn. You should also have a good eye for detail and be able to work under pressure. No previous experience is required as full training will be provided. Location: Newcastle upon Tyne. Job Title: Customer Service Advisor Employer: Halfords Closing date: None given Salary: Competitive Basic job description: A Customer Service Advisor is required to work 12 hours per week at the Halfords store in Kingston
Clegg disagrees with entirely. The statement, however, has been backed by all universities in the Russell Group, Newcastle University included. Petford claims that politicians were “naïve” to expect different fees from different universities back in 2009 when the tuition fee cap was raised to £9k. According to him, it has always been likely that universities will not stay away from the “sweet spot” of the highest fees possible since they’d soon realize that if they didn’t, they’d find themselves short of cash. University of Northampton’s VC commented that the sector must begin thinking of home students the same way it does of international/overseas students: “If you look at international students,
that’s been a pretty much unregulated market since we’ve been recruiting overseas students. Universities have always been used to this sort of behaviour. “The big step change now is thinking about home students in this way. It’s quite easy to do a financial forecast which shows that if the cap remains at £9,000 in the next decade, a number of universities – including ours – could potentially be in financial difficulty. Something has to give at some stage.” Professor Petford commented that these changes would probably not make future elections easy for any party: “The problem is that no political party is going to go into the next election saying: ‘We’re going to make it more expensive to go to university.’ As a vote winner, it’s just not going to work, is it?”
Park. You will need to really want to help our customers and to ensure that you personally deliver excellent customer service and be confident to look for opportunities to offer all our service products and add on sales. It’s a busy job with plenty of variety and chances to learn new things – so if you love talking to people, you’ll thrive at Halfords. Person requirements: You will need to be enthusiastic, talkative and inquisitive about our products and the people that buy them. To do well with us, you’ll need to share these qualities and be happy to work hard as part of a team that’s constantly on the move. Location: Newcastle upon Tyne.
include: dealing with deliveries, stock replenishment, size cubing, unloading cages, security tagging, meeting targets and other general duties as required. Person requirements: The successful candidate will need to be able to work effectively within a team. Location: Gateshead.
Job Title: Weekend Sales Office Administrator Employer: DFS Closing date: 25.11.2013 Salary: £8.35 per hour Basic job description: A weekend Sales Office Administrator is required to work up to 20 hours per week at the DFS store in Gateshead. In this role you will process sales orders and have an eye for detail, along with good organisational and keyboard skills. Person requirements: If you’re friendly, helpful, enthusiastic and you want to make the most of your talents, we would love to hear from you! Location: Gateshead. Job Title: Catering Assistant Employer: Pancakes and More Closing date: 19.11.2013 Salary: National Minimum Wage Basic job description: A Catering Assistant is required to work 12 hours per week at the café in the Metrocentre, Gateshead. Duties will include liaising with customers, taking orders, serving hot and cold food and drinks, cash handling, clearing tables, washing tables & other general duties. Person requirements: Good customer service skills and the ability to work within a team is essential. Full training will be provided. Location: Gateshead. Job Title: Temporary Delivery Staff Employer: River Island Closing date: 06.12.2013 Salary: National Minimum Wage Basic job description: Temporary Delivery Staff are required to work 8 hours per week at the River Island store in the Metrocentre, Gateshead. Duties will
Job Title: Admin Assistant Employer: North Tyneside Council Closing date: 25.11.2013 Salary: £13,771 - £14,211 per annum, pro rata Basic job description: An Admin Assistant is required to work 14 hours per week at the Star of the Sea RC Primary School in Whitley Bay. You will undertake Reception duties, assist in arrangements for school trips, provide general clerical/administrative support, maintain manual and computerised records, take notes at meetings and maintain/collate pupil reports. Person Requirement: Applicants should possess excellent communication skills, IT skills, have a friendly and helpful manner and be able to use their own initiative. Location: Whitley Bay. Job Title: Clerical Assistant Employer: Gateshead Council Closing date: 25.11.2013 Salary: £12,915 - £15,598 per annum, pro rata Basic job description: A Clerical Assistant is required to work 20 hours per week at Kibblesworth Academy in Gateshead. You will be working in the main school office undertaking a variety of administrative tasks, reception duties, answering the telephone and dealing confidently and pleasantly with face to face enquiries. Person Requirement: You will need to be able to provide general/clerical assistance e.g. photocopying, filing, faxing and have a good level of knowledge of Word & Excel; knowledge of SIMs is an advantage but not essential as training will be given. The ability to work as part of our team is essential. Location: Gateshead.
The Courier
Roof rebels Students seized before rescued by services royal visit University of Edinburgh
University of Durham
Two Edinburgh students are submitting formal complaints after they reported that they were ‘assaulted’ and removed from University premises prior to a visit from Princess Anne. Hona-Luisa Cohen-Fuentes and Euan Kidston say that they were told: “We have someone really important coming here, we can’t have the likes of you roaming around.” They claim that they were then subjected to a full search in view of over 100 fellow students. Allegations have also been made that Miss Cohen-Fuentes was subjected to verbal abuse relating to her status as an international student. Edinburgh University Students’ Association has spoken out in defence of the students and is in full support of their complaints. Edinburgh University Students’ Association (EUSA) trustee Mike Shaw said the incident represented a “disgusting breach of trust between the student body and their institution”.
Four students at Durham University have received a police warning after costing the emergency services thousands of pounds when a drunken prank went awry. The students attempted to climb onto the roof of the Dean of Durham’s House, an 11th century building which is part of Durham Cathedral and protected as a World Heritage Site. The four pranksters succeeded in scaling the building but became stuck and eventually had to be rescued by two fire crews and a police helicopter after reports from fellow students. It has been suggested that the prank was carried out in an effort to copy Oxbridge ‘night climbers’, who scale buildings for dares. The Dean of Durham commented: “what most worries me is the reckless disregard the students had not only for their own lives but for others, in particular colleagues here at the cathedral and members of the emergency response team.”
Hunting Hard-up social Union threatened enters deal University of York
University of Cambridge
The York University Conservative Society has claimed it was forced to cancel its controversial Fox Hunting Social after reported threats from the University’s vegetarian and feminist societies to throw red paint and chloroform at members in protest. VegSoc President Ali Ryland denied the allegations, but endorsed the cancellation of the “tasteless and out of touch’” event. Complaints came from female freshers who said they felt unsafe attending the event, which had allocated gender-based roles. York University women’s officer Josie Fields has expressed disappointment that the pressure from press to cancel the event erased “rare and positive” negotiation between YUCS and the Women’s Network to alter the nature of the event, but that “we are happy that the original social did not take place, it was ultimately offensive and portrayed outdated sexist views.”
The Cambridge Union Society has signed a sponsorship deal with professional service firm Deloitte that will enable them to improve the building to include disabled toilets, wireless internet and a new speakers room. The sponsorship deal comes after the Union got into financial difficulty reporting losses as big as £169,000 a year in 2012 for the past four years. The announcement comes after students were turned away at a Union debate with Deloitte employees being allowed to attend. This has raised concerns that the Union entered the deal for the wrong reasons and that the Union’s reputation for free speech may become tainted. While the Union regularly accepts sponsorship for individual events, this is the first time corporate sponsorship will part-finance the Union’s entire organisation.
Images: Flickr Commons
Jenni Cannon and Sabine Kucher
Comment The Courier
.9
Monday 18 November 2013
thecourieronline.co.uk/comment
Comment Editors: Joe Wood and Lydia Carroll Deputy Comment Editor: Victoria Armstrong courier.comment@ncl.ac.uk | @Courier_Comment
Is CCTV degrading to female students? Femsoc, the University feminist society, has voiced concerns over the infamous club night’s treatment of female students in promotional material. Should it be toned down, or is it a fair portrayal of normal student antics?
NO
Henrietta Painter
CCTV is an integral and essential part of Newcastle University’s night life. Run for the Students of Newcastle University, who better to represent the event than Newcastle students and alumni themselves? The promotion of CCTV, through videos and photographs is not sexual in nature, just a humorous reflection of student life. I myself work for CCTV and choose to be in the photographs and videos taken that are neither objectifying nor sexualised in their nature. Over 600 female students, including sports teams such as Netball and Hockey, host their socials every Saturday at CCTV. Victoria Wills, captain of the intermural Netball team hosts her socials at CCTV as “it is the only place for our female netball team to celebrate our wins. We as a team feel that CCTV support and empower female students, not demean them.” The outfits, consisting of vest tops and the girls’ own choice of shorts or jeans, are completely the personal choice of the girls themselves. They are also far less revealing than the outfits of dancers at nights like Ice Cream or Dirty Little Secret. Personally, I choose to wear shorts, which many female students wear on every night out anyway. CCTV celebrates student culture within Newcastle and supports - it doesn’t objectify their students. Image: thumbnail from CCTV promotion
YES
To clarify: us feminists don’t want to ban CCTV so we can use the Venue for broomstick practise on Saturday nights. By and large, letting loose, getting drunk and listening to terrible music is fun, and a gender neutral activity. I agree with you that much of CCTV is good, messy fun. Pull cam? No problem - it’s only people holding hands. The ‘notorious’ CCTV Booth? Fine. It’s pretty much just like any other room with ten drunk people and a camera in it anyway. So why exactly is CCTV problematic? Simply put, because the promo stuff is so at odds with a Union that is currently running an anti lad culture campaign. You’ve no doubt seen the posters on campus for NUSU’s #ManUp campaign, but if you’re trying to stamp out the phrases ‘She’s a two out of ten’ and ‘it’s just banter’, your argument is totally undermined when footage of a man motorboating a woman is shot in the Union’s own basement. You would think that a Students Union doing its damnedest to condemn lad culture would be much more careful about what footage it attaches its name to. It’s very likely the woman from the image to my right, taken from the thumbnail to the lead CCTV promo video, was totally fine with it – she may even have found the footage bloody hilarious. And there are examples of male nudity throughout in the video, too. But this was the image chosen as the thumbnail for the lead promo video. Someone decided that this image best represents what CCTV is all about; this was their idea of a good time. And I doubt I need to restate the hypocrisy of the Union putting its name right underneath this image on YouTube when it claims to be fighting lad culture on campus.
“Females are not depicted as the negative or passive binary to men”
YES
Lydia Carroll
NO
CCTV represents Newcastle students in their truest form: fun, carefree but also united. The “oversexualisation” of females within the promotional videos of CCTV is no more overtly sexualised than the males themselves, who take off their t-shirts. The University may have a “ManUp” campaign in which they are trying to stamp out lad culture, but CCTV is not a part of lad culture. As an employee of CCTV I feel as empowered as the male colleagues that I work with. Through the promotional videos and images used, females are not depicted as the negative or passive binary to men. We are both equal – and that’s what makes CCTV. Whether you’re a sports captain, a medic, a geographer or a media student CCTV is the one student night a week that caters to all students, no other club night can state that. The University trying to stamp out “lad culture” is surely a problem that the University needs to focus on, not CCTV. CCTV represents the social aspect of the University, one that is not focused upon league tables or exams, so surely CCTV cannot be blamed for not focusing on disparaging lad culture. Yes, CCTV does represent the students of the university, but it is not responsible for the University’s other campaigns such as “Man Up.” CCTV has one aim, to provide a fun night out for anyone, whether the promotional material contains females or males, it is a depiction of true students at Newcastle University who are equal in their night life.
I don’t think I can agree that there is no objectifying element to the promotional material. How on earth can there be nothing sexualised or objectifying about footage of a female student getting motorboated? Or another female student having her hair pulled as she’s dry-humped from behind? If that’s not sexual, what is? You say that CCTV is inclusive of all students - well, perhaps all students except women who feel uncomfortable with this footage. The argument used again and again during this debate on other news outlets, such as The Tab, has been ‘if you don’t like it, then don’t come’. But how can the night be as inclusive as you say, one that ‘caters to all students’, if a sizeable cross section of the student populace feels uneasy with the way women are treated in the promo material? And the idea that CCTV, as a social event, ‘cannot be blamed for not focusing on disparaging lad culture’? Perhaps - but we can still blame it for actively perpetuating it. The University may be responsible for combatting lad culture and normalised objectification, but how can they seriously claim to be serious about it when they turn a blind eye to the club nights they host in their very own Union? Are the sexualised and objectifying elements of CCTV’s marketing really so vital to its success? Will the whole night go out of business if its staff stop making a point of stamping female attendees cleavages with CCTV stamps? As it stands, CCTV seems desperate to market itself to straight men - making this supposedly ‘all inclusive night’ rather unfriendly to women indeed.
“How can there be nothing sexualised or objectifying about footage of a student getting motorboated?”
Image: Henrietta Helen
What’s Hopkins hollering? What she said:
What she said:
What she said:
What she meant:
Good lord. Tyler is playing Joseph at your daughter’s nativity play? No wonder Mary is pregnant already. I’M A BIGOT I’M A BIGOT I’M A BIGOT *cackles wildly*
What she said:
Social mobility is a distraction. Social class allocates resources far more efficiently than social mobility policy ever will.
What she meant:
Let’s stop pretending that poor people are human and put them back in their workhouses.
Victoria Armstrong
Husband has just presented a soap from the shower as Exhibit A for divorce proceedings. Surely a little hair share shows trust? I mean, that’s totally the only reason he wants a divorce! Right? Right??!
10.comment
SOAP BOX
Monday 18 November 2013
The Courier
Spying with the Cambridge Massive
Police have been trying to spy on the Students’ Union at Cambridge University meetings by bribing students. Is just another example of our descent into a society which doesn’t value privacy? Or is the protection of our oft-cited ‘national security’ more important?
NORTHERN TEST OK, can we stop this now? Seriously? We get it; you’re 50% northern because a computer quiz says you are. Why do you have to share it on Facebook? For goodness sake, is your life that devoid of interesting things to say you have to take a stupid test and use it as bait for all of your shallow friends to like and comment because it’s funny how right/wrong the test is? Oh and why do you feel so self-centred that you think you have to be the 1% of people who will like/repost a stupid most likely fake photo of someone who may have something life threatening. There used to be a time when a thumbs up made a difference, that was when people were wearing togas because it was part of their culture, not some lazy excuse to show off their abs for Halloween. Lewis Barclay Image: Quinn Dombrowski
HALLOWEEN With Halloween just gone, Facebook is still streaming photos of contact-lensed, blooded ‘no-one knows what you are’ girls and guys, which is a seemingly standard Halloween attire. However, it appears that long gone are the days of mean girls inspired slutty animal costumes (sorry boys) and in is an era of controversial ensembles. I’m sure you’ve all seen pictures of the recent scandal involving two girls from the University of Chester, who dressed as the twin towers in a fancy dress competition. And won. Their cardboard box buildings teamed with miniature people jumping out may have gained them a win in the nightclub but seems to have done them no favours elsewhere. It’s sad but it’s apparent, this trend doesn’t stop here. Many people, myself included, have seen acquaintances dress as anything from Gary Glitter to the KKK. The question is should freedom of expression reign over respect for victims? I think we all know the answer to that. Lauren Wallace
DISCRIMINATION Cellular Solutions came under fire this week. Out of 31 management positions in the company the 4 senior management positions were filled by older men. In a company where so many women have already demonstrated their competency, why is it that none of them have attained the higher ranks? This may arise from discrimination at an earlier level. CASS business school lists its MBA gender ratio as 75% male and 25% female while the Kingston Business School’s is 2:1. Rather than “slam” the employer we must question why there is still this statistical disparity in MBA students. Women have proven themselves as equal to men in the work place but the persona of business as a masculine profession prevails in those who wish to study it. To target sexism at the top levels, we must first target sexism at the bottom. Jamie Shepherd
Joe Wood
I
n my life I’ve enjoyed a hell of a lot of great fiction about police states, surveillance and governmental subterfuge. Books and movies like 1984, The Trial and Blade Runner, to name a few, have instilled in many minds a vigilance and apprehensiveness towards the opaque interests of mega corporations and elusive government agencies. Well now it looks as though the Cambridge police department may have to join my list of ‘those to watch who are watching us’. Now, generally one might not tend to associate the presumably genteel Cambridge police department with espionage. Think again! A collection of videos, which were taken undercover and broken by the Guardian, reveal a police officer (who, at the time of writing this, is known pseudonymously as ‘Peter Smith’) conspiring with what he thinks is a willing student pawn to monitor the activities of Cambridge students. The officer tells the undercover reporter ‘Let’s keep it small, you know little things that go on, little meetings that happen where they are going to
In lieu of Christmas rush, one shopper admits to going overboard with gifts.
Image: lifewithkarma
discuss different issues’. At first, it was claimed by Cambridgeshire police that it was an issue of ‘national security’. But, within little time this argument was, unsurprisingly, retracted. It is unsurprising because there is no argument for monitoring student-organised movements for any other benefit than that of the police.
What benefit is that, you ask? Beats me. There is no threat to national security because the groups that Armstrong (the reporter) was being asked to infiltrate pose no risk to national security. Admittedly, Unite Against Fascism and the EDL are known for their sometimes un-peaceful marches and activities. But that does not deem it, in anyway, correct to spy on these organisations.
So what’s in it for the police? Maybe they’ve got a power complex. Or they might even think themselves some future crime preventing super squadron like those guys in that movie where Tom Cruise runs around a lot. Okay, so that’s every Tom Cruise movie, but specifically Minority Report. I digress. The point is that we are seeing more and more examples in the news of - often totally independent - organisations attempting to bend the notion of privacy to their whims. It’s become the new sign of machismo for states, internet giants and now mildmannered Cambridgeshire police to find out everything they can about ‘us’ with total indifference to the ethics behind it. Until we, as the outspoken public, voice our anger and disgust that these different groups think they can snoop into our emails, check our phone calls and infiltrate our personal activities, this will continue. It will continue through this age of new technologies and new spying methods for as long as we remain indifferent towards their indifference of us. So get angry when you hear the next story about some organisation disregarding the fundamental ideals of personal privacy. Because they will continue to disregard the public as long as the public disregards their actions.
Lego criticised over new line of products called ‘Twerking Adventures’.
Boris Johnson deems wedding anniversary meal a roaring success.
“More and more do we see organisations bending the notion of privacy to their whims”
Image: didbygraham
Image: leafar
Joe Wood
The Courier
comment.11
Monday 18 November 2013
The world is not enough
A recent survey revealed that the majority of students thought they would be earning a six-figure salary by the age of 40. Should we applaud their ambition, or are they deluded? Hew Rous-Eyre
O
n average today’s students believe they will be earning £100,000 by the time they are forty. Research gathered by Societe Generale Private Banking Hambros suggests that young men in London are leading the way on the expectations front, predicting a whopping £124,588 to kick off their middle age. Now, bearing in mind the average UK salary is around £27,000 and that the current unemployment rate is 7.7% it would be fair to say that we, as a demographic, are perhaps guilty of wishful thinking. However, resisting that automatic response, ask yourself how much you think you’ll be earning by the time you’re 40? “Well me? That’s a different story. I mean I think I’ll be earning about this much because you see I’m an exception...” It’s easy, and comforting, to shrug off your contemporaries and assume that although they’ll find employment both hard to come by and financially and spiritu-
ally unfulfilling, you will waltz right into a high earning graduate position, make a few friends in high places, leap frog a few junior managers and sub-somebodies, and find yourself in twenty years time with a hefty pay check and your own parking space. Or maybe your rise to power won’t be financial but instead based on developing your ego. Maybe at forty you’ll be a little known but hugely respected and influential academic/author/doctor. Maybe you see yourself as the spearhead of a new charity or social movement, or perhaps more modestly as the benevolent headteacher at a high performing state school. Either way, perhaps it’s just a fact that on a personal level vaulting ambition, whether we publicly admit it or privately fantasize about it, is just one of many facets of student life. Arguably not in a practical sense. I mean proactivity is certainly not something a lot of students can claim to be well practiced in. But upon being asked to explain where we see ourselves in twenty years why give anything less that an optimistic and ambitious answer? Perhaps it’s just an inherent assumption, itself
born from a mountain of debt, three years work and maybe a tiny sense of entitlement, that after twenty years life with a degree will have just taken care of itself. But whose to criticise young people for having lofty ambitions? In a society where the highest wages get so much media attention either as a way of celebrating self-determined individualists, ridiculing footballers or damning bankers, it’s hardly surprising that students expect to make a bit of cash. There’s a catalogue of gleefully condescending comments below the The Telegraph article which published this statistic. Keyboard crusaders harking on about the value of money, the naivety of young people and the state of our deluded generation. However reality will take care of itself; I’m not going to try and predict the trials that I’ll have to endure bending over backwards to secure some unpaid part-time internship working on the crossword of my local newspaper. Oh no. In fact if you need me I’ll be on my yacht adapting my ninth bestseller into my forth Oscar winning screenplay.
NOPE Image: aresauburn™
Tesco: the new Big Brother? The news of Tesco releasing face scanning technology into their supermarkets raises questions over personal privacy in the modern age of technology. Is it right for Tesco to monitor their customers?
Molly Hodgson
T
his week announced Tesco’s plans to install face scanning technology into their petrol stations. They plan to use this software to target advertisements to individual customers. Lord Sugar’s digital signage company, Amscreen, made the software which will work out a customer’s age and gender in order to show adverts deemed appropriate for their market. Although a Tesco spokesperson has said “no data or images are collected or stored”, is this just another invasion of our privacy in the ‘Big Brother’ culture we live in? Not only does this technology encourage gender, and age, stereotypes, it also tailors certain products to certain individuals. One of the ways gender may be worked out is by the length of someone’s hair, somewhat archaic in today’s society. But it violates
the customer’s privacy. After all, it can only be “ethically deployed” if customers agree prior to being monitored, as Nick Pickles from Big Brother Watch commented. Therefore, this shows a definite infringement of
“This technology encourages gender and age stereotypes” customers’ privacy with the absence of any prior consent. And yes, we could all make a stand and boycott all of the 450 Tesco forecourts. However, this won’t be enough as Amscreen’s chief executive Simon Sugar, Lord Sugar’s eldest son, revealed their “plans are too expand the screens into as many supermarkets as possible”.
He goes on to say that “this could change the face of British retail”. Is that more important than our privacy? Consumer culture seems to be taking over; profit is more valued than people. In light of the phone tapping scandal, we already have our online activity and social media sites monitored to tailor adverts to individual users. This has now spread to physical monitoring and widespread as well. The screens are expected to reach 5 million customers. Are these all steps on the way to a police state?
The
Voice of
Reason No. 6: Down with the common cold! I have contracted the plague. It’s simply horrid. My man Timmons insists that it’s the common cold, yet I refuse to believe that such a plebeian disease can possibly sneak up so unexpectedly on someone of such a noble origin as my own. Rah-choo! I am a coughing, wheezing, spluttering mass of fur and surprising handsomeness. Timmons, the dolt, has taken my temperature by sticking a thermometer where a thermometer most certainly does not and should not belong. I am cold, miserable, and sore all over. It’s that pugforsaken time of the year once again – November, the herald of that detestable season of sickness, is upon us. Why, in the name of pedigree, has no cure for the common cold yet been invented? I detest the word ‘common’ being associated with me in any possible moment, but with all this boasting of preposterous technological inventions flooding the newspapers, it boggles the mind how something so simple can be missing from our world. Those feeble imbeciles who call themselves scientists! Why, I’m certain that if I were to have the access to a facility with the correct equipment, I would be able to conjure up a miraculous cure in a heartbeat! They’re cats, bloody cats: the lot of them. As much a nuisance as Felix himself! (Sincere apologies for using the c-word. My excuse is that I’m irritable, so I’ll bite. Verbally, at least.) Speaking of ‘common’, how can I pass by my favourite topic of discussion – those incomprehensible commoners that perambulate our streets. For example, Timmons has made it known to me that those nitwit students hope to earn £100,000 after they reach their forties. Bah! I never attended university, I simply spent my halcyon days marking territory on the Oxford greens. And whilst a true gentlepug never reveals his age, I am certainly nowhere near that dreaded milestone. I believe, if my paws are correct, that would make me 280 in dog years. So heed my advice, students: jobs are not for you. You are lazy, dim-witted clods, who cannot tell your heads from their tails. However! I do have the solution for your problem. Rah-choo! Excuse me. Where was I? Ah, yes. The solution. The solution, my dear curdlewurglers, is to inherit an unimaginably large sum of money. Preferably from a great-aunt, because they are indefinitely susceptible to the power of adoring nephews and nieces. However, should you not have a great-aunt at hand, I suppose the third cousin of your mother’s sister’s husband will also do. Look at me, after all. Unfortunately, you can only ever look – in a world overflowing with cats, plebeians, leftists, and students, I am afraid, the great Pugs is but one. A national tragedy, I know. I have neither had to work or study a day in my life, yet here I am, simply dripping with mucus, and yet still mustering up the courage to nosh on a steak next to the fire. And who do I owe all that to? Hard work? Of course not. Rather, my dear father, Lord Pugsington, God rest his grumpy soul. Stop living in a world of foolishness, students. As vile and vodkasodden a part of the population as you may be, there is still hope for you, and that hope lies with your relatives’ money. With those few words of wisdom, I depart, since Timmons is once again chasing after me with the thermometer Yours, Pugs (overheard by Antonia Velikova) Illustration by Flora Anderson
Pugs’ got a new iPad, and he’s been dictating tweets to his manservant Timmons. Follow him on Twitter at @LaVoiceofReason Image: LoopZilla
12.lifestyle
Monday 18 November 2013
The Courier
Lifestyle Editors: Evie O’Sullivan, Elizabeth Archer, Hazel Parnell and Katie Smith Great
sex positions ...for girls
Double Blind Date
Amy Macauley, 3rd Year Media, Communications and Cultural Studies meets Al Cawthorn 2nd Year History and Philosophy
The Giddy-Up Being on top is usually a good way of having some fun for girls. It allows you to dictate both how far you want him to go and the pace. Mix being on top with turning around so you’re facing his feet in a reverse cowgirl position. However, instead of straddling him keep your legs pressed together in between his. Because your legs are together the feeling will be way more intense and you will fit like two jigsaw puzzle pieces. This will be sure to blow your mind.
The Sit Down Dance If you’re a girl who knows what she wants and needs to be in control, then this one is definitely for you. Get him to sit up and then straddle him, which means that you have a lot of control over the motion in the ocean. Use your arms and legs to help manoeuvre and keep it a pace that’s good for you both. Rather than just moving up and down which can make you tired, move backwards and forwards. There’s a lot of freedom with this position so have fun with it. Lean back slightly and allow yourself to forget about midterm essays and assignments for a little while.
The Dragon Perfect if you want to prolong the act for as long as possible and if your man has a tendency to be a twenty second Tim. As you can see, there’s not much motion in this position, instead it’s all about intensity and depth. Also a great one for him to explore the more neglected parts of your body like the base of your neck and back. Happy days.
Al on Amy Describe your first impressions of her in 3 words: Female, Irish and legitimate hottie.
Amy on Al
Describe your first impressions of him in 3 words: Tall, beardy and fun. What’s your usual type? Tall and dark.
Were there awkward moments? Meeting is always awkward… But in general, there was as little awkwardness as possible given that we were on a double blind date. Any weird conversation topics? Yes. Terrorism. That was a big one and was sparked by Amy talking about sectarian violence. Josh also gave us a run through of every bone he has ever broken. The rest was pretty standard… oh, and general illnesses. Why do you think she’s single? I don’t know? I have no idea. She likes to be, maybe. What are her best and worst features? Best – Nice eyes, funny/ cool, fun to hang out with. And she drinks pints of beer. Worst- She goes on dates with strangers… No bad features, she seemed really nice. Would you introduce her to your mum? Yep, my mum would love her - she’s Scottish and loves the non-English thang. Were the ex-files opened? No, but we did see two previous blind date contestants who are now seeing each other. Awkward. Pressure. Aw, bless Max and Vicki. So would it be a snog, shag or “see ya bye”? Shag. Would you take her on a second date? Yes. Cute, sexy or hot? Hot. Funny, intelligent or sweet? All of the above.
Weird position of the week HOW, JUST HOW?! After several awkward attempts and the ensuing pain caused by trying to bend a man’s pride and joy the wrong way, give up the ghost guys: it’s not going to happen. If you do, however, manage to get into this position, have an ice pack at hand for the inevitable agony that’s going to be caused in your neck. By Kathryn Holland Illustrations by Elizabeth Archer
How did it end? We had a goodbye hug, then they hopped on the metro home and we walked. Rate yo’ date 8.5 (She would be an 8 but she sounds like Andrea Corr so she gets an extra half.)
Like what you see? Amy is on Tinder if you want to find her.
Would your family approve of him? Yeah, I think so. What are his best and worst traits? Best – Being funny and laughing at my jokes. Worst – Not accepting our invitation to go to Shake at The Cut. Why is he single? He doesn’t accept invitations to go on nights out with girls. Any ex mentions? No, not at all. So, no awkward moments then? I made an awkward comment about sectarianism in Northern Ireland and everyone went very quiet. Any weird conversation topics apart from that? We discussed the various diseases we’ve had and found out we’d both had glandular fever before…the kissing disease. The comedian then mentioned glandular fever which was amusing for both of us. Bants. How did it end? They refused to come and hip hop dance with us. So, I went home with a bag of skips and some cocktail sausages. Oh dear, no other sausages on the menu then I take it. Is a second date not an option? I’d give them another chance to go on a night out with us, but there was no spark. Cute, sexy or hot? Cute. Intelligent, funny or sweet? Funny. Snog, shag or “see ya bye”? Snog. Rate yo’ date 7 out of 10, would bang.
.13
Culture The Courier
Monday 18 November 2013
Culture Editor: Sam Summers Sections: Lifestyle, Fashion, Beauty, Arts, Music, Film, TV and Science courier.culture@ncl.ac.uk | @CourierOnline
thecourieronline.co.uk/culture
Josh Cadman, 2nd Year History and Philosophy meets Safiya Ahmed, 3rd Year English Language and Literature
Josh on Safiya
Safiya on Josh
What were your first impressions of her in three words? Pretty, nice and quiet.
What were your first impressions of him in 3 words? Smart, polite and funny.
What is your usual type and did she fit it? I quite like arty/alternative girls and she was a really nice girl but not my type.
What’s your usual type? Tall and muscley.
Any awkward moments? Not really, an awkward goodbye I suppose. I don’t like goodbyes in general… Any weird conversation topics? Sectarian violence in Ireland. Can you understand why she’s single? Because she doesn’t want to be in a relationship...I don’t know - ask her. What are her best and worst features? Best- She had really nice eyes. Worst- She was a little bit quiet on the date.
Would your family approve of him? It depends on his religious beliefs [chuckling]. Best and worst traits Best – Funny and he had a nice smile. Worst – The boys seemed to forget we were on a date and just had their own convos in The Stand. Why is he single? I couldn’t see why he was single, maybe because he’s spent so much time breaking his bones he’s had no time for a relationship.
Would you introduce her to your mum? Yes, my mum likes everyone.
Any ex mentions? No. So, no awkward moments then? Well they’d never read The Courier before so that was awk.
Were the ex-files ever opened? No, I tend to steer away from that. Snog, shag or “see ya bye”? I’d probably shag her to be fair.
Any weird conversation topics apart from that?
Would you take her on a second date? Probably not. She was a nice girl but not really for me, and I don’t think I was for her either.
We talked about politics, terrorism and diseases so not the most light-hearted date topics. It was also quite awkward trying to talk in The Stand because the acts went on for about 3 hours and we obviously wanted to listen to them.
Cute, sexy or hot? Cute. Funny, intelligent or sweet? Struck me as someone who was intelligent and she was really sweet. How did it end? Just said thanks for a good night. Hugged and left. Rate yo’ date 7
Where? - Alvino’s and then The Stand What they drank: - Cocktails, mocktails and pints Who paid? - Al paid for drinks and then a combination later on
How did it end? Any tomfoolery? They didn’t want to go to The Cut with us so Amy and I got some crisps and sausages from Sainsbury’s and went home. Oh dear, is a second date an option then? No, It didn’t really feel like a date. Intelligent, funny or sweet? Funny. Snog, shag or “see ya bye”? Cuddle as a friend. Rate yo’ date 7
Unlucky in love? The Courier is here to help! Send your details to: c2.lifestyle@ncl.ac.uk
Annie Lord
Stage fright #3
I
decided to read the Karma Sutra as it is largely perceived as the best guide on sex and relationships in history. Imagine how unsettled I was when in section 1, chapter 5 I read a passage on women “not to be enjoyed” of which I fit almost all the characteristics. Firstly you should not sleep with a “leper”. although technically I am not a leper, I always have a cold which leaves me constantly snivelling around, blowing my sore nose. It instructs men not to date “a lunatic.” The other day I wrote a list of all the men that have rejected me and genuinely considered putting a curse on them. Also, me and my friend spent an entire holiday under the pseudonyms of two wags called Colleen and Michelle. Avoid “a woman turned out of caste.” I mean I would like to think of myself as classy but clearly I’m not. I like champagne but I drink Frosty Jacks mixed with Robinson’s fruit juice. I wear nice dresses but I only shave my legs when I look like one of those centaurs from Narnia. Next on the list: “a woman who publicly expresses desire for sexual intercourse.” I think sex is all I talk about. As my mum would say, I perv on ‘anything in trousers.’ Followed by: “a woman who is extremely white when in the sun”. I’m like a vampire from True Blood, I burn alive until I look like a lobster. “A woman who leads the life of an ascetic.” Well according to theologian Kierkegaard, the aesthetic sphere of existence is an empty self-serving and escapist existence used to avoid commitment. In order to escape one must determine oneself through a commitment such as getting married or getting a job, none of which I have managed to achieve.
“As my mum would say, I perv on ‘anything in trousers.’” The only categories I escape are being “the wife of a learned Brahman” and being a “bad-smelling woman”, although after a rough night I have more than once turned up to lectures smelling of kebabs, smoke and cider. Perhaps redemption can be achieved by taking advice from the ‘life of a citizen’ section which offers tips on how to furnish the home for sexual encounters. Bearing in mind I live in Ricky Road, the requested ‘soft’ bed and ‘couch’ is an ambitious request. It also states that the ‘abode should be situated near some water.’ Does the Tyne count? It also asks for books which I have plenty of so thank god a degree is good for something! However, I do feel as though in implementing these changes it will look like I’m setting up a low market brothel, predominantly the instructions on placing ‘fragrant ointments’ around the bed. It also offers advice on achieving intimacy through intense gymnastic hugging. My favourite is the ‘mixture of sesame seed with rice hug’ in which lovers embrace so closely that ‘the arms and thighs of one are encircled by the arms and thighs of the other,’ its like spooning with rubbing, minus the fight about who is little spoon. And yet can you imagine what a guy would do if I brought him back to my flowery smelling room and we got into bed and I tried to persuade him to engage in a sesame seed hug. He would either think I know a lot of sex positions or that I was a lunatic.
14.lifestyle
Monday 18 November 2013
The Courier
Lifestyle Editors: Evie O’Sullivan, Elizabeth Archer, Hazel Parnell and Katie Smith
Funny ways to save money
By Al Bell
1. Don’t eat your cash
Fran and Millie
“Not-So-Cheeky” Chocolate Cheesecake
4. Well dressed for less
A tin of value baked beans may only cost 24p, but one of those every day and you’ll be almost £90 poorer by the end of the year. It’s no secret that with dedication, you can eat for free. Hang around cafés and pubs like a vulture: leftover pie crusts and unwanted salad are yours for the taking. Many establishments also offer complimentary condiments, so don a big coat and fill those pockets! Ketchup is one of your five a day, and makes a delicious smoothie when mixed with mayo.
The fashion industry is a swindle. Not only are we expected to spend ludicrous amounts on tshirts made by Chinese orphans, but we’re also constantly told to “dress for occasion” and follow “trends”. I, for one, call bullshit on this tired affair. Crafting your own chic threads from discarded newspapers, bin bags and leaves will not only save you a pretty penny, but also direct profit away from those greedy buggers at Primark. Better yet, don’t even bother with clothes. Your birthday suit is the most naturally beautiful garment you own, so get out and flaunt it! Just remember to observe local decency laws.
2. Save dosh, skip the wash
C
heesecake is usually the most indulgent of desserts, but by replacing a few key ingredients with healthy alternatives you can trick your brain with a guilt-free treat. In fact, eating our cheesecake can benefit your health and mood. As girls we often crave chocolate and this is more than satisfactory for those time-of-the-month cravings. We also offered them to a group of boys and they went down a storm as a late night post-pub snack. Ingredients For the base 100g crushed digestive biscuits 2 -3 tablespoons of raw cacao powder 2 cups dried dates 50g melted sunflower butter 50g melted good quality dark chocolate For the cheesecake layer 2-3 very ripe avocados 1 banana 2 tablespoons agave syrup 2-3 heaped teaspoons of raw cacao powder 25g sunflower butter 25g melted good quality dark chocolate 1 cup dried dates 1. Start with the base. Whizz up the dates and
biscuits until well blended. If you don’t have a blender you can just chop up the dates into small pieces and crush the biscuits. Then add the melted butter, chocolate and cacao and mix with a wooden spoon. 2. If the mixture isn’t sticking or looks too dry try adding more melted butter or a splash of agave syrup to give it extra sweetness. Then press the mixture into a greased baking tray and put to one side. 3. Next up is the fun part. Scoop out the avocado and blend with the banana until smooth (again this can be done by hand with a wooden spoon as long as the fruit is well ripened ). To this paste add the cacao, chocolate, butter and agave. Once well mixed, add the dried dates (these can be chopped or blended but the finer the better). 4. Scrape out of the bowl and layer evenly on top of the base. Pop the cheesecake into the freezer for about an hour, then store in the fridge ready to munch on.
How much did you spend on toiletries in the last month? “Essentials” such as shampoo, shower gel, and deodorant are really just the fragrant tools of a capitalist agenda, so take a stand against the man and stop splashing out on expensive soaps. In fact, why not quit washing altogether? Rain is nature’s shower! Your stench may be socially destructive, but once your hair forms tight dreadlocks, you’ll look really cool.
5. The ultimate money saver
3. Blame it on the moonshine Students love to drink, but alcohol is expensive. Dilemma, right? Wrong. With nothing more than grains, yeast, sugar, and a wooden barrel you can brew yourself some fine booze for a fraction of the price. And at up to 80% ABV, Kentucky’s finest is even cheaper than a treble! Of course, illegal moonshine can cause blindness, hallucinations, brain damage and death. But just think of the savings!
!
The above tips will certainly cut your costs, but there are some things you just can’t avoid paying for. Or can you? The dead don’t pay rent or tuition fees, but there’s no reason that being alive should stop you enjoying those privileges. There are numerous ways to fake your own demise, so get creative! For example, tell everyone you’re “going out in Gateshead”, fail to return, and soon enough everyone will presume the worst. Sure, your loved ones will mourn, but you’ll be so rich that everything else will cease to matter. Just remember to make your disappearance convincing, and more importantly, don’t actually die. That would be bad.
DISCLAIMER: The Courier cannot be held responsible for any form of humiliation, legal action, severe injury or death that results from the preceding advice. Always use common sense.
Restaurant Review: Avanti
A
s a cosy candlelit restaurant located on Brentwood Avenue, right by West Jesmond metro, it was no surprise to us that Avanti was heaving with couples and groups of students. You do worry how you’ll manage to fit through the door let alone get a seat, but once you’re seated the room somehow opens up.
“Avanti’s would be the perfect place for a third date. It’s too intimate for a first and a bit enthusiastic for a second.” It’s designed to feel like a little authentic Italian place. The decor creates a warm, welcoming atmosphere with a hint of Italian culture; it’s a perfect place to escape from the cold. On the windows and walls are subtle fairy lights, pictures and postcards. On the tables are champagne bottle candle holders. They offer a large variety of Italian foods from antipasti to calzone and a shockingly brilliant happy hour deal that won’t blow your student loan (although I’m sure many of you already have). We decided to review the Happy Hour menu. Along with the exceptionally friendly service, three courses for £8.95 is not a bad shout by any standards. Two courses set you back a mere £6.95 but come on, why sacrifice a starter or a dessert for an extra £2? After being served promptly, we opted to share the potato skins which were accompanied with mayo and salsa dips and the pate and crusty bread which arrived with a fruity relish. Both were a lovely start to the meal, but we wouldn’t have paid the full menu price for either. The main course was hard to choose, simply because the Happy Hour deal offers quite a wide vari-
ety of pizzas, pastas and chicken dishes. However, the main was without a doubt the highlight of the meal and where Avanti is in its element. Elizabeth made a classic selection and chose the lasagne, which was quite small but delicious and filling. As a pasta lover, Hannah opted for Cremolina Tagliatelle for the main. The tagliatelle had been tossed in a rich creamy tomato sauce with large tender chicken pieces, onions and mushrooms. Both main courses were full of flavour and it’s safe to say they were excellent value for money. By now, we could barely breathe, but we weren’t about to say no to dessert (in fact, we made a point of saying yes to dessert) and the meal ended with a
warm chocolate fudge cake. The cake was nice, but the selling point was the rich chocolate sauce that came with it. Our first thought was that Avanti would be the perfect place for a third date. It’s too intimate for a first and a bit enthusiastic for a second. However, Hannah recommends that if you’re on a date maybe avoid ordering the Cremolina unless you want it all down your mouth – not the most attractive look. If you prefer to keep it casual, it’s also the perfect place to catch up with the girls over tasty food and bottle of rose. Either way, we’re finding it hard to fault this restaurant and will be going back as soon as possible. By Elizabeth Atkin and Hannah Rose
The Courier
lifestyle.15
Monday 18 November 2013
thecourieronline.co.uk/lifestyle c2.lifestyle@ncl.ac.uk | @Courier_Life
Ask Uncle LeBron
Wassup homeslice! Uncle LeBron here, Castle Leazes’ third best rapper and sixth biggest baller, your bestie from another teste. Now I know times is tough like my rhymes is rough, but just come take a seat here on my lap - mind the erection - and I promise I’ll make it all better for y’all. Swerve. “LeBron, what is the best Christmas present to get your partner?”
Dayumm brotha, yall is early to the crimble jingle...bitch it ain’t even December yet. Is it a prezzie for yaw lezzie or a gift for yaw dick? It dont matta bro - ribbed condoms they ribbed for her pleasure...turn em inside out and they ribbed for yaw pleasure. #doimakeyourandybaby Illustration by Caroline Mackrill
“What do you think of the currently global economic & political situation?”
“Tell us a joke?”
What did the green grape say to the purple grape? BREATHE BROTHA! #seedlessbanter
“I miss my pets back home, LeBron!”
A feel ya. LeBron’s got a pussy back home ye. My vagina from China. A brother got to remember the little things like pizza and cool runnings and DAYUM MAN I MISS MA CAT. #badtripcatnip
All I see is one bitchass libdem leader being forced to ream a prep school alumni..playa that ain’t gonna taste gooood. #nickclegglookingsad
“What’s your favourite word?” #pissflaps
If y’all have any problems and are in real need of Uncle LeBron’s words of wisdom then holla at your dawg: c2.lifestyle@ncl.ac.uk
LeBron transcribbled by David Leighton
Social media hijacking 101
We’ve all done it: innocently left our phone or laptop unlocked in the hands of the ones we call ‘friends’... it’s all fun and games until you come home to find that you now work on street corners for a living (always thought I was going to be a policeman). Now it’s time to exact our revenge... The Birthday Change
Max Suvorov
Dat Shit Cray #3
L
ife is like a big cake, a cake that is yours, which you don’t have to share with anyone else. But if you do share it (which you will) just remember to save yourself a fat slice with plenty of icing on it, otherwise those greedy fuckers will leave you with nothing but crumbs.
“I will blast out ‘Move Bitch’ by Ludacris on full volume and shove you out of the way” I have a deep distaste for people (especially those who like to take up a lot more space than they really need) when I am late for a lecture and they are in my way, moving at a snail’s pace. I will blast out ‘Move Bitch’ by Ludacris on full volume and shove you out of the way. Actually I probably won’t, but I will glare intently at the back of your head, and then maybe push past you without saying ‘excuse me’. My distaste for people runs so deep that sometimes I wish I was the only person on the planet, but then again that would get very boring and also frustrating (imagine making love to your hand every night for the rest of your lonely life). No, being the only one on the planet would maybe (at a push) be satisfying for a week, then it would just be really shit. Anyway, back to my distaste for people, have you seen the shell-suit jacket wearing, snapbacked and skateboard riding folk around campus?
“...imagine making love to your hand every night for the rest of your lonely life”
As much as we would all love to have a birthday every day of the year it’s just simply not possible. The problem with this is that you can’t just change it straight back. If you want an immediate alteration you have to email Facebook and tell them that your friends are idiots but if you are willing to wait, wait you must, for a good few days. This can potentially ruin the annual contest of who gets the most wall posts on their birthday because people (sorry mum, you always know) don’t know when your actual birthday is anymore.
Like what is that? Is that like a thing now? I mean I’m all for being different and standing out and all that, but seriously?! I am pretty sure shell-suits died out in the 90s and unless you are American, or it’s incredibly sunny, you should not be wearing a snapback. As for skateboards, unless you know how to ride them properly, it’s like Avril Lavigne once said: ‘He was a skater boy, she said see you later boy’.
Like for a Like The liking spree. Which sometimes escalates to the sharing spree. Jeepers. So many awkward texts from awkward ex’s who were awkwardly broken up with for the awkward reason I may have awkwardly cheated on them with the girl I then awkwardly ended up awkwardly going out with. The wrath of the like is bigger than you think. That is all I have to say before I incur the wrath of the like myself.
“It’s like Avril Lavigne once said: ‘He was a skater boy, she said see you later boy’”
Sexing it up on Spotify Linking information from a third-party to Facebook. The fun to be had... Personally, when it comes up on my newsfeed that so and so is listening to such and such, I really don’t give a shit. But imagine if it said that so and so was listening to Girl Orgasm Sounds. We may have found a winner.
The Relationship Change Changing someone’s status to questioning their sexuality or announcing their impending father/motherhood is old hack. Something new and much more wonderful has arrived. Gone are the days where someone needs to accept your relationship request. Facebook has made it possible for you, or more likely your victim, to be in a relationship with whomever you desire. By Josh Nicholson and Katie Smith
I also don’t like superficial social conventions, like dating. Dating is a prime tar pit trap, (the most expensive thing I have ever found was a woman who was free for the evening) there are so many little things that you have to take into consideration when going on a date. For example, venue choice, you have to impress her but don’t go all out, remember you are the one covering the bill, with fellow students especially it is often difficult to tell whether she actually likes you or whether she is only dating you for a free meal. Then, once the alcohol starts flowing, it’s the little slips you make in conversation, never show off or reveal too much about yourself, keep an air of mystique, if she asks you what you do, tell her you have many talents (with a grin and a cheeky wink). For me the old-fashioned wine and dine is dead, I prefer meet-ups to dates. If she tells you she likes horse riding, take her horse riding, shows you are a good listener. Or something that gets the adrenaline flowing like paintballing, or if you have a good physique take her on a gym and spa date, throwing in a massage for good measure. Anyway, I give you a little sliver of my cake, stay safe and have fun out there ;)
16.fashion
Monday 18 November 2013
The Courier
Fashion Editors: Frances Stephenson and Amy O’Rourke Deputy Fashion Editor: Bex Finney
Charity shop challenge
Fashion Editors Frances Stephenson, Amy O’ Rourke and Bex Finney take you through how to shop second hand style and show off their spoils from St Oswald’s charity shop in Byker
W
hen it comes to finding a hidden gem in the charity shop world I am a pro, once buying a coat worth £250 for £13; now that’s what I call a bargain. If you ever venture to Byker check out St Oswald’s charity shop. You will be absolutely spoilt for choice jumpers, coats, boots and even a home-ware section. Although I had to narrow down my choices I bought a great wool knit cardigan, a perfect winter warmer which can be worn with practically anything. The best thing about it is it only set me back two pounds fifty, not bad when the student loan is dwindling. I’ll be styling this great piece over a checked shirt, jeans and timberlands or, for a more feminine look, with a denim dress, tights and vintage leather boots. It baffles me more people don’t make the most of charity shops, whether this is down to snobbery or lack of knowledge of the wonders inside I do not know. Charity shopping is more of a norm in society now with the recession and growth of vintage fashion and for twenty pounds you could purchase a whole new outfit, now that’s my kind of shopping.
Cardigan: £3.00
I
I
have to admit, before I went to visit St. Oswald’s, I’d never really taken the plunge and shopped in a charity shop before. As soon as we walked through the doors, I knew I wouldn’t be leaving empty handed; knitted jumpers, fur coats and an array of t-shirts lined the walls. I picked out a beautiful fur coat, the sort you’d usually find floating around vintage shops with a hefty price tag. I was more than pleasantly surprised to discover it was in fact, four pounds. Part of me wishes I hadn’t found out, because before I knew it my arms were bearing the weight of far too many hangers carrying jeans, dresses and cosy jumpers. After prancing around the changing room for far too long, I decided on a pink jumper, leaving me a mere two pounds poorer. Perfect for layering when the temperatures drop, my bargain find probably won’t leave my back during the winter months. With twenty one stores throughout the North East and over 1400 volunteers, St. Oswald’s stores contribute almost a third of the total sum raised by the charity last year, and there’s definitely something satisfying knowing I did my bit for charity. If there’s one thing I’ve learned it’s that, one man’s trash really is another man’s come up.
love the sports lux look that’s around this season and I’m a real sucker for an oversized cosy pullover sweater. It’s an addiction, my wardrobe is overrun by tacky jumpers of places I’ve never been, St Martinez, New York exotic locations that make for great conversation starters but ultimately a bit embarrassing when you have to admit you just bought it because it looked warm. So upon entering St Oswald’s I immediately gravitated towards the men’s section, layering my arms with every slogan sweater in site. I settled on an extremely oversized Ralph Lauren sporty jumper in grey, it will be perfect for throwing on before the gym or on a lazy hangover Sunday. Priced at only £2.49, it is cheaper than your daily budget for buying lunch from Pret. If you wanted it to be more fitted, you could easily crop it with some scissors. Don’t be afraid to get creative by chopping or adding to an item, a charity shop is the perfect place to buy things with a view to customising. I debuted this jumper on an illfated night out, throwing it on over a racy leotard to protect my modesty at a chilly pre-drinks. A look that was described (by myself) as a blend of grungy/ hipster/ sporty spice- result, thank you St Oswald’s.
Jumper: £2.00
Jumper: £2.49
Thrift store shopping: a beginner’s guide
Looking for a come up? There are some amazing bargains to be had in the charity shops of Newcastle. Let Frances Stephenson guide you through the wonderful, sometimes slightly terrifying,experience of shopping second hand style
4
1
Watch out for labels. Just because something is Max Mara, doesn’t mean that it will look as fabulous on you as it did in the late 90s, when the previous owner rocked a pink flared pantsuit. It does not look fabulous, don’t be sucked in by the label.
Explore Visit less well known charity shops, ones for more remote causes, they often have more wacky gear and are loads cheaper. Try Byker for a truly fantastic selection of weird and wonderful shops, literally stuffed with goodies.
5
2
Smells do Cigarette smoke and strong smells will be hard to get rid of, so have a close inspection of your garms before you buy. Charity shops wash clothes before they put them on the shop floor, so if they’re still smelly then steer clear. Unless you believe in the power of Febreeze.
Size doesn’t matter Disregard size and gender distinctions. Just because it’s in the men’s section, doesn’t mean you can’t take a sneak peak. Baggy jumpers and tees are perfect for lazy days.
3
Beware ‘charity shop eye’ We’ve all been there; you’ve been round a couple of second hand shops and seen so many granny cardigans that you become blind to the hideousness of that oversized, knitted cardigan with wolves embellished on the collar. Keep a clear head, remember, if it looks hideous, it probably is.
6 “Keep a clear head: remember, if it looks hideous, it probably is”
Work it Test drive your new purchase with items you already have in your wardrobe. Mix your charity shop finds with high-street pieces to create a unique look - wearing an outfit entirely from charity shops can look a little eccentric. So, follow these tips and you’ll become a thift-shopping pro.
The Courier
fashion.17
Monday 18 November 2013
thecourieronline.co.uk/fashion c2.fashion@ncl.ac.uk | @Courier_Fashion
Four cheap cheer-me-ups
Outside temperatures are dropping lower every day, Anna Goodman- Jones and if you’re anything like me, your bank balance will be following a similar trend. Stop those mid-semester blues from taking over by treating yourself with one (or more) of these four affordable pick-me-ups Paisley Tea Dress: £8, Primark
T
he temptation of being able to buy an entire outfit for under a tenner is hard to resist, and this dress from Primark is no exception. It’s muted colours are perfect for winter, and the paisley print is a nice change from your typical floral pattern. Wear this as a day-dress with tights and flats, or layer underneath a cardigan or other winter cover-ups for that hint-of-print look. It’s versatile enough to wear in the evening too, and it’s flirty shape can be dressed up with heels and some jewellery. An on trend piece for eight pounds, it would be rude to say no.
Scandi Fairisle Handwarmers: £10, Topshop
T
hese Topshop handwarmers also come in grey and white, and they are a cute and affordable addition to any winter wardrobe. As they’re fingerless, there’s no need to have to take them off to send a text (anybody with a touch screen phone can relate to this). On top of this, they’re thick enough material to actually keep you warm. The fairisle design was partially made popular thanks to the many Scandi jumpers detective Sarah Lund wore in Danish show The Killing, and the Scandinavian print is still super popular, being seen at Chanel’s pre-fall and Matthew Williamson AW13 shows.
DIY-aye man
Berry Chain Bag: £10 Matalan
Sahara Collar Necklace: £8 Accessorize
P
erfect for enhancing an outfit you feel is a bit plain, this necklace is ‘statement’ enough to perk up your look. Yet it is also simple enough to be able to wear both day and night. The edgy detail makes for a unique design, and it’s structured shape adds sophistication. As the necklace is part of Accessorize’s AW13 Madison Collection, it has just hit the stores! Wear it with an LBD in the evening, a jumper and jeans during the day, or let it peep through the collar of a peter-pan blouse. At a bargain price of eight pounds, this little gem is sure to banish the blues.
A
handbag is one of the most important accessories a girl can own, and when choosing an evening bag there is a pretty strict criteria. The best bag will be small enough to not be annoying on a night out, and big enough to fit all of the necessities. This chain bag is ideal, as it’s both stylish and practical. The bold berry hue is a great colour for winter and the bag would go well with a berry lip and a monochrome dress. The gold hardware and structured shape makes this a sleek and classy choice for an evening out. All of this for only a tenner? Yes please!
Emily Marsh lets her creative juices flow and shows us how to make an accessory on a budget
T
his week I was asked to put my DIY skills to the test and make a fashion forward accessory on a student budget. After a quick online search I found heaps of websites full of fabulous and very cheap ideas, from making your own handbags and jewellery to creating blankets from a simple t-shirt. I was full of ideas and eventually settled on this little beauty. The statement necklace has been everywhere this year and it shows no sign of leaving our wardrobes easily, it’s certainly in a firm favourite in my own. This simple yet stylish design will bring a little bit of glam to any outfit, I teamed it with a jumper and jeans for a casual look, yet it would certainly work for an evening look too.
1
Firstly, thread the ribbon of your choice up through washer #1, leaving enough ribbon on the end to tie the necklace when you’ve finished - about a foot should do. Thread another washer onto the ribbon so it stacks neatly on top of the first. Then, thread the ribbon back down through washer #1, pull the ribbon tight making sure there are no tangles or twists - this will prevent the washers lying flat.
You will need:: 20 to 30 1” metal washers (I used 24. Use more or less to make it the length you want) which can be bought in most supermarkets. 3m of ribbon of any colour (or more, depending on your desired length of your necklace) - using a burnt orange or oxblood colour is perfect for an autumnal feel.
2
3
Once you’ve threaded all your washers onto the ribbon, tie the two ends of the ribbon together and trim off the excess - gently pinching the edges and burning slightly with a lighter to prevent fraying. There you have it. If you get a little stuck, just read back over the steps carefully. Once you’ve mastered step one, it’s as easy as 1, 2, 3.
Make sure to keep pulling the ribbon tight, so washer #2 is laying flat on top of washer #1 like in the second image. Thread the ribbon back up through washer #2. Repeat the previous steps so that each individual washer is the same and a chain begins to form. It should look a little like the third image. Keep threading washers onto the ribbon until you’re happy with the length of the necklace.
18.beauty
Monday 18 November 2013
The Courier
Beauty Editors: Safiya Ahmed and Amy Macauley
Winter proof your skin
Winter is finally here. Kirat Sagoo shares her top tips on keeping your skin prepared for the harsh Newcastle winds.
B
rrrr…It’s here. The time of year when you face icy cold winds and wished balaclavas were socially acceptable. Our skin has to endure the harsh elements in the coming months so it is essential that we lock in any moisture. A good skincare routine with some brilliant gems of nourishment can keep your skin feeling bright, healthy during winter in the Toon. To begin the process a good cleanse is essential and my star product is A-Derma’s ‘Emollient Cleansing Oil’. Sweep a small amount of this beautiful oil over your face and wash away any trace of makeup while gently cleansing your skin. The result is pure hydration! Aveeno’s claim to fame is ‘Filaxerine’ which boosts moisture levels using Omega 6 fatty acids, and is targeted toward those with dry skin. Personally, this works for my combination skin and makes a good base for step two... Serums! Admittedly a recent addition to my routine (mainly because of the price) these products are excellent at replenishing tired skin. With a good serum such as Sanctuary’s ‘Therapist’s Secret Facial Oil’, a little goes a long way. Use sparingly, concentrating a few drops over the areas of your face which are prone to dryness and gently rub in. Consisting mainly of oils, (jojoba, rosehip, sunflower etc), serums are designed to work under the skin they should soak straight in without leaving a greasy residue. Now to lock down all this nourishment, use a moisturiser to act as a thicker barrier to any particularly sharp icicles. For those of you who are worried that this may be a little too much moisture, stick to a light day cream. Olay’s ‘Beauty Fluid’ works for me. For drier skin I’d recommend The Body Shop’s ‘Vitamin E Illuminating Moisture Cream’ which smells lovely, soaks in, and works well with the Sanctuary serum. At night, an under eye cream such as Nivea’s ‘Q10 Anti-Wrinkle Plus’ can reduce the chances of waking up to scary bags in the morning! For soft lips I find that the well-known ‘Vaseline’ does the trick but I was recently tempted by a Lush product...who isn’t? The ‘Honey Trap Lip Balm not only smells of chocolate and vanilla but the cocoa butter content makes it very moisturising. I’d definitely recommend these little pots to avoid chapped lips. These are the key steps, but my routine is never over without applying hand moisturiser, which is especially important overnight to help the skin recover. The Body Shop’s ‘Hemp Hand Protector’ is a non-greasy miracle cure (no exaggeration) for my extremely dry hands. Only a small amount is needed so it lasts for ages and the benefits far outweigh the smell which is not to everyone’s taste. This is my winter skincare routine…the key is to do this every day, but remember that your skin is unique, so change the products above to ones that suit you!
Hollywood red lip
Hannah Rose dispels the rumours around the red lip being difficult to pull off and shows us how to achieve this glamorous look.
A
red lipstick should be a staple in any girl’s make up bag. It gives a look that can transform any outfit from drab to chic in approximately sixty seconds. It’s a look that will make you ooze glamour and confidence without the hefty price tag of a Mulberry and can be worn by anyone. From Hollywood starlets Marilyn Monroe and Elizabeth Taylor to Dita Von Teese and Gwen Stefani, the trend has become a timeless look. Coco Chanel was reported to not leave home without her ‘Rouge de Chanel’, and bright red lips date back to the Elizabethan era. However, there appears to be something about the powerful and sexy red lip that scares people, but throw away your fears and I’ll show you how red lips can be your new best friend. Your lips should be the centrepiece of your look so keep the rest of your makeup natural. Use a foundation to create a flawless base and coat your lashes in black mascara. Thick black eyeliner gives a more dramatic look but stay away from coloured eye-shadows. Coming face to face with the
Images courtesy of MAC and Topshop
ridiculously large choice of lip products on sale can be rather daunting. From lipsticks to liptints and matte to glossy there are now products to suit everyone, it’s all about experimenting to find your desired look. So the lip product has been tossed into the bottom of your makeup bag and you’re feeling slightly clueless on how to achieve that Marilynesque glamour. First, prep your lips by exfoliating and smothering them in lip balm to create a smooth base. Next, use a lipliner the same colour as your lips to create a stencil for the colour and prevent it from bleeding. Applying the lip product directly will give you the most pigmented look or if you’re feeling slightly nervous then use your fingertips to build up the colour. Fair skinned girls look amazing in bluebased reds such as Revlon ‘Matte Lipstick’ in ‘Really Red’, MAC lipstick in ‘Lady Danger’ is a yellow-orange based red that would match medium skin tones beautifully and deep, rich brick-reds and plum tones look gorgeous on darker skins like Maybelline ‘Colorsensational Lip Colour’ in ‘Fatal Red’. Start from the centre of your lips and work your way into the corners. Finally, dabbing a small amount of highlighter on your cupid’s bow will give the illusion of fuller lips.
Illustrations by Emily North
Pastel persuasion
Kathy Davidson and Annah Baines go head to head (or should that be hair to hair) over whether pastel hair is a beauty do or just a bit of a wash out.
I
Pastel’s perfect
’m going to put it out there: I love the pastel hair trend. This is the one time and one time only you will ever hear me say I wish I was blonde. I’m usually a brunette enthusiast but I’m genuinely quite upset I can’t get involved in this trend, but to be fair, we had the ombre dip dye (been there, done that) so I’ll let the blondes have this one. I’m going to go even further and say that the brighter the better on this trend. Katy Perry recently sported pink pastel routes but to be perfectly honest the bolder you go with the colour, the better
“...and if Karl Lagerfield says yes, who’s to argue?” it’s going to look. If you only dabble with it you will just end up looking unsure of the trend (Which yes, you might be, but there’s no reason for anyone else to know that). Kelly Osborne originally embraced the trend years ago and got some stick for it but who’s laughing now? It’s so popular you can go and pick up a DIY kit at your local chemist. Even Chanel got involved, with their models recently sporting pastel bobs on the run way. And if Karl Lagerfield says yes, who’s to argue? My only advice on the subject would be to stick to the pinks and purples. I may love the trend but I don’t think I’m quite ready to face green and blue pastel heads on campus (give it a year or so and I might be there).
Hair dye disaster
T
here is absolutely nothing which makes pastel hair colours okay. It looks completely unnatural and makes you stand out in the crowd for all the wrong reasons. The shades make light skin look incredibly pale. This just gives us the impression you’re ill and your student loan didn’t stretch far enough to buy orange juice to keep your vitamin C levels up. On darker skin? Well just look at Nicki Minaj’s hair in the video for ‘Starships’ on YouTube and the very opinionated comments it received.
“...if looking like an explosion in a crayon factory is your idea of fashion, then go for it” I’ve also noticed how incredibly difficult it is to match your wardrobe with a pastel hair colour. Most things, especially bright clothing, seem to clash. If you want pastel hair and don’t want to give people a headache you’re bound to dull coloured clothing. However, if looking like an explosion in a crayon factory is your idea of fashion, go for it. Beauty and true style, in my opinion, is all about looking natural and healthy. Pastel hair colours certainly don’t do this. Go back to your roots and embrace your natural beauty. Personally, I can’t wait for us to leave this trend behind.
The Courier
beauty.19
Monday 18 November
thecourieronline.co.uk/beauty courier.beauty@ncl.ac.uk | @Courier_Beauty
Battle of the brands
Charlotte Davies puts a beauty bargain and a beauty blowout against each other to see whether it’s worth splashing out on those extra pennies.
Nars vs Sleek
YSL vs Collection
We’ve all heard of the hype around Nars blush in the shade ‘Orgasm’. This range’s blush has become somewhat of a cult beauty product over the years, and after testing it myself I can see exactly why. The blush is a peachy pink tone combined with a light shimmer. It provides a healthy glow and is flattering on pretty much any skin tone. However, priced at £21.50 it’s a bit of a loan depleting buy. The good news: Sleek have brought out a product that seems to be a great duplicate. The ‘Rose Gold Blush’ is priced at the much more comfortable price of £4.49. Like Nars’ ‘Orgasm’ it’s nicely pigmented with that same golden shimmer finish. Although it’s a slightly darker pink, the fact you could have four of these for the same price more than compensates for this!
Now for another product that’s earned quite the status in the world of beauty. Yves Saint Laurent’s ‘Touche Eclat’ is best known as a highlighter and under eye brightener that works to give any face a brightening boost. Brand after brand have attempted to duplicate this holy grail product, but nothing ever seems to get quite the same hype. Priced at £25, investing in this product will leave you with a slightly deflated bank balance. For a cheaper alternative, Collection have released their own illuminating touch concealer which comes in at only £4.99. Available in three different shades the product has the same moisturising consistency as ‘Touche Eclat’. However, the downside is it’s nowhere near as illuminating. Though it is a lot, unfortunately, I don’t think it comes close to a match. Yet again. YSL wins.
Blush
Highlighter
Review: Demon Barber Charlie Dearnley visits Newcastle’s very own Sweeney Todd
I
s it wise to let a bald man cut your hair? A man that operates under the pseudonym ‘The Demon Barber’? A man with razors tattooed on his arm. Yes. As the creator, the chief, and ‘The Demon Barber’ himself, Lloyd’s hair slashing skills are next to none. Having worked for Vidal Sassoon, and established his own base in the North East, Lloyd’s experience is not to be questioned. In the words of a trustworthy friend and fellow customer, “the man’s a magician”. In his vintage monochrome get-up, I’d be as unsurprised to see him pull a bunny from a hat, as I would be to see him put a quiff on the head of every man,
Liz Earl vs Superdrug Cleanser
W
woman and child in the North East, for just £15 a pop. One young unsuspecting chap popped his head round the door and enquired, “do you do perms?” to which Lloyd sneered, “do we fuck”. The conversation is consistently brilliant, as Lloyd will happily recount many life experiences, jumping between taboos like they’re post-church pleasantries. The Demon Barber is the North East’s answer to Sweeney Todd… before he started slicing and dicing. If you want to become the present-day manifestation of the suave 1920s New York gent, the Demon Barber will make you fit for Al Capone’s entourage.
Movember Watch: Week 2
As week 2 draws to an end we track the progress of our three Movemberers; Tom Tibble, Ed Blackwell and Tom Sanderson. The competition is getting close, or is it? Get your bets in - all for charity of course!
Bog Standard Tom
Katie Smith makes the case for why it’s never too early to start thinking about wrinkles.
Finally for a favourite in skincare. Liz Earle’s’s ‘Hot Cloth Cleanser’ promises to give softer and smoother skin to any skin type. However, with its high end price tag of £19.95, it comes as a bit of a splurge. Up until a few weeks ago I would have argued the product is worth every penny. This was until I spied Superdrug’s own ‘Vitamin E Hot Cloth Cleanser’. The product works by exactly the same process, and yes, all hail Superdrug,, it leaves exactly the same results! Not only is it four times cheaper, but it’s currently on a 3-for-2 offer. It’s the perfect guilt-free indulgence.
Demon Barber, 3 Grainger Street, Newcastle, NE1 5DQ Tel: 0191 261 1447
Clean-Shaven Ed
An age old debate
Top Contender Tom
ith my twentieth birthday fast approaching, my concern over what it means to be ‘halfway to forty’ is just as quickly mounting. No longer a teenager and with only two-day hangovers and the impending end of student life looming in my future, the one positive I can cling to is the (hopeful) absence of adolescent spots in my life. Unfortunately, growing up is a double edged foundation brush and with the (hopeful) disappearance of oily skin comes the unwelcome acceleration of aging. At 16 all I wanted was to look a little bit older. Now I have a legal form of ID to call my own and my aspirations of looking a few years older than I am have long disappeared. Don’t get me wrong, being in my twenties will be fine. However, it’ll be the day when I notice those first indents of crow’s feet or look in the mirror and realise my eye has disappeared beneath my eyelid that I’ll wonder – should I have done more when I was younger? Should I be using anti-aging cream right now?
“...our generation has an unhealthy obsession with image”
Most likely a result of social media and all that, our generation has an unhealthy obsession with image. It’s sad and it’s wrong, and we should all probably try to accept the will of nature and age gracefully, but that isn’t really the question on my mind. The question on my mind is, more realistically, can I afford to be anti-aging at the moment? Student and professional life well into your twenties is categorised by being strapped for cash, and
“Student life is categorised by being strapped for cash”
C
lean Shaven Ed’s progress is remarkable, no signs of any hair here at all. Ed’s certainly living up to his name at the moment; let’s hope his luck will turn soon. Somehow I don’t think it will. Top marks for effort Ed, its the intention that counts.
B
og Standard Tom’s progress is at least steady, if not spectacular. There is some hair present, but none of much substance. An utterly average West-Bromwich-Albion of a performance so far. Let’s hope due to a miraculous turn of events/ facial hair growth enhancing tablet consumption causes a random sprout of hair to form or else will be out for the count.
T
he Favourite Tom has had a busy schedule of being a real man with a real beard this week, so in place of an actual photo we have provided an artist’s Windows Paint impression of his beard progress up to now – and boy is it looking good. May as well award him the title now. But don’t get too confident, just like the unpredictable Newcastle weather, things can change!
at over twenty quid a pop am I financially able to commit to an anti-aging campaign? Is it the beginning of a slippery slope – today, anti-aging cream, a few years down the line, surgery? I don’t really have any of the answers. I don’t even know if anti-aging creams work, but as a birthday present to myself I may just invest in some skincare quality products. Taking care of your skin is going to be an effective means of keeping it looking bright, healthy and (key word) young. In my opinion, in your twenties, prevention is our best bet to keep our youthful skin for as long as possible. For now taking your makeup off before going to bed, drinking lots of water, using a moisturiser or foundation with SPF 20 or higher, and using good quality products are all key to a bright, clear, youthful complexion.
The Courier
Monday 18 November 2013
Listings Christmas Markets 18th-30th November Monument
I bloody love a bit of Christmas, me. Cor, Christmas? That’s a bit of me right there. There’ll be all kinds of weird meats, exotic cheeses and kind of overpriced wooden jewellery. The festive continental mulled drinks are reliably amazing, and the yearly confusion over what exactly a currywurst is will bring you and your flamates together. Isn’t that what Christmas is all about? 9am-8pm Mon-Sat, 10am-4.30pm Sun
Ice Rink
To 23rd February Centre For Life
Yeah, yeah, it’s been in action for a couple of weeks now but the life of a listings editor is a busy one and as such we, er, sort of missed it. Never mind though, because we’re telling you about it now. The ice rink at the Life Centre is back! Back! BACK!!! Get ready to wobble uncertainly in ever-decreasing circles while club music pounds around you. Student ticket £7.50
Disclosure 19th November O2 Academy
Continuing the lineage of great dance-pop duos stretching back to the likes of Pet Shop Boys, Chemical Brothers and Mel & Kim, Disclosure’s Settle was nominated for the Mercury Music Prize this year and fully deservedly too. Probably the second best set of brothers in pop, just behind the Everly Brothers and a few steps ahead of the Proclaimers.
Pottery Night Classes
19th November Mushroom Works, St. Lawrence Road, Byker
Struggling to think of a way to woo that special someone? Get your hands dirty and go the full Swayze down at the Mushroom Works. Phwoar. £30 for two lessons
18-24Novemberlistings.21
thecourieronline.co.uk courier.listings@ncl.ac.uk | @Courier_Listings
Day of the Doctor 3D 23rd & 24th November Tyneside Cinema
What’s Day of the Doctor? Where’ve you been It’s only the bloody TV event of the year, you melon. Quite apart from our own look at the 50th anniversary of the Who phenomenon, there’s the mouth-watering prospect of watching the whole thing in glorious 3D with a seething mass of other Whovians champing at the bit to see quite what the hell John Hurt thinks he’s doing in the Time War. In the meantime, catch up with the fabulous mini-episode Night of the Doctor which fleshes out the War Doctor’s beginnings and includes a very welcome return for one face from Who lore. It’s incredibrill. Showings at 7.50pm and 9.40pm on 23rd, 11.30 am on 24th. For prices call 0845 217 9909
Hammer Horror Night 22nd November Gateshead Central Library
If you’re pining for the good old days of a few weeks ago when it was Halloween, nae bother: there’s a showing of the classic 1958 telling of Dracula starring the classic combo of Christopher Lee as Dracula and Peter Cushing as Van Helsing just over the water in Gateshead. Entry £3, 7pm
Tiger, Mog and Pink Rabbit: a Judith Kerr Retrospective To 1st March Seven Stories, Stepney Bank
A formative influence for many of us, Judith Kerr’s books and artwork are being celebrated just as Kerr herself celebrates her 90th birthday. Entry £6.50
Mr Kringle’s Handmade & Vintage Emporium 23rd November Castlegate, City Centre
St. Oswald’s Hospice have put together a vintage fair which looks both enticing and ultimately very very rewarding indeed. Goods range from beauty products to artisan food and drink and, according to the press release, towards non-specific “treats”. And, you know, if you don’t go down that means you hate people with life-limiting diseases. Don’t be a dick. Entry £1, 10am-4pm
22.arts
Monday 18 November 2013
The Courier
Arts Editors: Millie Walton and Charlie Dearnley Deputy Arts Editor: Laura Wotton
Where do we draw the line? GALLERY THE
From live sex performances to self-mutilation to eating babies, the arts world seems to know no limits. Arts Editors Millie Walton and Laura Wotton find the most shocking pieces of performance art ever. Eating People
W
alking into the preview of Sista Pratesi’s solo exhibition, The Shining of Our Design, at the Vane on Friday evening, I was met with a strong smell of paint, which gave the impression that these art pieces really were freshly painted and added to the exclusive feeling of the evening. Hidden from view and tucked up on the first floor of a building on Pilgrim Street, I was surprised to see such a buzz of young people at the gallery, who were enjoying the exhibition with a bottle of beer in hand. The artworks are installed in two rooms on canvases, connected together by wooden frames that snake along the two rooms in a zigzag pattern. The placement of the pieces invading the space of the room forces entry into the viewer’s personal space and demands attention. This creates the feeling of the pieces being more like an installation art than just paintings. Pratesi uses acrylic and other mediums, such as hair, in her paintings to create amazing layers and textures. Paintings of watery and faded female figures and the paintings of doors create a disturbing sense of the unknown and of the supernatural. In one canvas, two black diamond shapes protrude from underneath the canvas like intense eyes, fixing onto the viewer, where Pratesi has patched in pieces of fabric into the painting. The hair draping onto the floor changes the conventional space of the canvas and challenges the viewer’s conception of boundaries. Overall, the gallery has a very intimate feel. The exhibitions are real and touchable; the viewer isn’t separated from the artworks by a glass box or a line on the floor. The other current exhibition, Skittish, by Lisa Watts and David Kefford, includes a number of sculpture pieces dotted around two rooms, and a video installation. The sculptures have a disturbing presence; I found the sculpture covered by a zipped up jacket especially disturbing, to the point that I’m still wondering what the strange shape hidden underneath is. The gallery’s size and focus on just two exhibitions gives a really relaxed atmosphere, along with the young laid-back crowd it seems to attract. I would recommend the Vane Gallery as an alternative to a larger gallery in Newcastle where one tends to feel obliged to see every single piece of artwork on display, which leaves you drained by the end. Viewing just a couple of exhibitions rather than hundreds of artworks is a far more stimulating experience because there is more time to reflect on the individual pieces. I left the Vane feeling refreshed and with food for thought instead of my usual tradition of leaving a gallery with a feeling of exhaustion, demanding a coffee and a sit down at the expensive gallery café. ‘The Shining of Our Design’ runs from 9 November to 14 December alongside ‘Skittish’. The gallery opens Wednesday to Saturday 12:00pm to 5:00pm.
QUOTES SO SIMPLE:
Chinese artist, Zhu Yu, photographed himself cooking and eating a human foetus he’d chopped into five parts. The artist stated that the performance was ‘a protest against mankind’s moral idea that he/she cannot eat people’. The piece has now been claimed to be fake, but whether or not he really ate a cooked baby stolen from a medical school, it’s a hugely disturbing concept.
Interior Scroll In 1975 at Telluride Film Festival, Colorado Carolee Schneemann painted her body with mud and slowly pulled a feminist manifesto rolled up as scroll from her vagina. Scheemann stated, “I saw the vagina as a translucent chamber of which the serpent was an outward model: enlivened by it’s passage from the visible to the invisible, a spiralled coil ringed with the shape of desire and generative mysteries, attributes of both female and male sexual power.” Yep, no idea what she’s talking about either.
Seedbed In the 1972 performance of this piece, Vito Acconi lay hidden under the floorboards of Sonnabend Gallery in New York, masturbating whilst visitors listened to his sexual fantasies. Over the course of 3 weeks the artist masturbated approximately eight hours a day. There’s a pretty surreal and voyeuristic video to go with it.
Shoot Shoot was just one of a number of renowned artist, Chris Burden’s early 1970s performance pieces in which he subjected himself to danger. In this
particular piece he had his assistant shoot his left arm from five metres away. During other pieces he incurred apparent risks of burning, drowning, and electrocution.
3rdi Iraqi-American artist, Waffa Bilal, had a titanium plate implanted in the back of his head, to which a camera was attached. For a year beginning on 15 December 2010, the camera took an image every minute, transmitting them onto his website. The idea behind the project was to comment on the nature of surveillance. On February 4, 2011 Bilal had to have the camera removed due to alleviate the constant pain.
Fixation Last week, 29-year-old Pytor Pavlencky was detained for stripping naked and nailing his genitals to the ground in Red Square in Moscow. The performance artist described the act as “a metaphor for apathy, political indifference and [the] fatalism of modern Russian society”. The graphic scene of selfmutilation was recorded on video and put online before being blocked by leading social media sites.
Rhythm 5 Dangerous as it seems on paper, performance artist, Marina Abramovic, whole-heartedly jumped into a petroleum fi lled ‘star’ back in 1974. All in the name of art, and indeed the purification ritual she was intending to endure, the artist passed out due to an oxygen shortage, a flaw in her arrangements that for quite some time went unnoticed by her stunned audience. It was only until she was near engulfed by flames that someone took the initiative to drag her out.
Trans-Fixed 1974 evidently yielded some strange characters. If Abramovic’s petroleum-related antics didn’t suffice, Chris Burden raised the stakes by nailing himself, quite literally, to the back of a Volkswagen. The piece lasted only a couple of tantalising minutes in which time the engine was revved and the car moved in and out of a garage. Burden himself viewed his performance as representative of a greater crucifixion of the people, though who these victims are remains unknown.
Cut Piece 50 years back, artist Yoko Ono staged a feminist protest involving a pair of scissors and an open-minded audience. Kneeling on the floor, Ono invited members of the audience to cut off items of her clothing, a ritual that she said became increasingly primitive and threatening as the ‘alternate undressing’ went on.
Desert island books
Ruth Davies asks writer and Newcastle University lecturer Bill Herbert which four books he would take with him to pass the time if he were ever marooned.
Dead Souls Nikolai Gogol
The Last Stand at Saber River Elmore Leonard
How to Live Sarah Bakewell
or a novel to keep you entertained on a desert island, it should be something thick. Combined with an interest in Russian literature, particularly from the nineteenth century, Dead Souls is the first book of choice. It describes Russian mentality and character, with the result of portraying weird minds, and explosions of people, for this reason making the novel a bit different.
light-hearted genre is necessary after the prior book, this is generally a detective, thriller or western. Earlier stuff of Elmore Leonard is a particular interest. The Last Stand at Saber River is a classic, well-plotted western. However, it differs in that the lone gunman has his family in tow, which is a different perspective to usual. This is quite clever, and plays on the emotions of the reader.
his is a brilliant book! It details the life of Montaigne, who is not like anybody else in Western philosophy. Of interest to a writer, because Montaigne is the one who invented the essay. Bakewell tells life in writing which imitates his digressive style, resulting in a very funny and very clever book. The complexities of Montaigne’s philosophies can easily be stuck into, but also be entertained by his description of his love for napkins.
F
A
T
An Edwin Morgan Poetry Collection
A
big collection by a diverse poet would be inexhaustible thus necessary for a book to read on a desert island. This is why Edwin Morgan is perfect, as his work is very varied, and he is arguably one of the best poets of the last fifty years. Also he’s Scottish, so important for Bill’s heritage. Bill himself has published seven volumes of poetry.
“Those who find ugly meanings in beautiful things are corrupt without being charming. This is a fault. Those who find beautiful meanings in beautiful things are the cultivated. For these there is hope. They are the elect to whom beautiful things mean only Beauty.” Oscar Wilde, ‘The Picture of Dorian Gray
The Courier
arts.23
Monday 18 November 2013
Pic of the Week
previews
#nclarts
E
ach week we choose the best arty instagram pic to feature in the paper. Whether it’s taken on campus, on a night out or in your own house, we want your snaps! Simply hashtag #nclarts and we’ll pick a weekly winner. Besides featuring in an award winning paper, the winning pic is worth a delicious bag of sweets too. Get instagram-ing folks! This week’s winning pic is ‘Double Rainbow’ by
Frances Stephenson
This week Ruth Davies gets wised up on brewing techniques at Flat Caps Coffee
F
An underground coffee haven
lat Caps coffee shop lies hidden to most in a basement near Northumberland Street, entered down a spiral staircase in a shop corner. It is uniquely decorated, with Geordie-themed art adorning the walls, a patterned floor and cushion lined nooks in the wall, creating comfortable and cosy seats. Their award winning coffee lives up to expectations, with not just different blends offered, but also different techniques of brewing, from plain filter to aeropress to syphon. If you’re a coffee novice, the baristas are happy to explain each technique and its affect on the coffee. With soft acoustic background music, this haven is a little escape from the real world.
reviews
Beats
A
The Live Theatre 29-30 November
t the end of this month, writer and performer, Kieran Hurley, returns to the Live Theatre with his celebrated show ‘Beats’. This coming-of-age show set in 1994, follows protagonist, Johno McCreadie, on an over-night journey into a world of state repression, chemical excess, teenage longing, police violence and communal excess. It’s a poignant exploration of youth, rebellion and hedonism set against the backdrop of post-industrial Scotland and accompanied by strobe lighting and A LOT of techno music. After all, it’s the year when the Criminal Justice Act prohibited public gatherings and amplified music. Yet despite the club-like atmosphere of the piece, the undertones are serious and strike a chord with anyone who has ever experienced a feeling of repression and a desire to rebel. Hurley’s performance with DJ Hushpuppy and visuals by Jamie Wardrop has received much critical acclaim and the show has been a complete sellout at the last two Edinburgh Fringe Festivals. The show’s return to the theatre where it was performed in its very early stages has prompted a huge amount of excitement and tickets are already selling fast. Be sure not to miss out on this lively and imaginative experience. Millie Walton
Must see!
his month, The Mill Volvo Tyne Theatre will be producing a seminal piece of feminist theatre: Eve Ensler’s The Vagina Monologues. Starring Diane Keen, Terri Dwyer and Hollie-Jay Bowes in multiple roles, The Vagina Monologues is a series of monologues which tell from multiple perspectives about the mysteries and mundanities of what it is to be a woman today. Perspectives explored throughout the play include a grandmother watching her daughter give birth, ‘My Angry Vagina’ berating visits to the gynaecologist and an interesting reassessment of the c-word. Drawing on interviews conducted by Ensler with nearly two hundred women, the monologues were originally performed as a one-woman show in 1996. Since then, the play has attracted actresses of such calibre as Meryl Streep, Kate Winslet and Jane Fonda, as well as much controversy for its forthrightness and depiction of sexuality. The monologues are regularly revised, with a new one being written almost every year to address current issues – for example, in 2003, the monologue ‘Under the Burqua’ was created to highlight the plight of women under the Taliban regime, while more recently, in 2010, a monologue was created especially for the first all-transsexual performance of The Vagina Monologues. By turns hilarious and harrowing, this is a unique theatrical experience Lauren Hickin that is not to be missed.
Out of the Shadow
Theatre Royal 2 November
O
People’s Theatre 19-23 November
Mill Volvo Tyne 18 November
All’s Well That Ends Well
pening a play by quoting the Wikipedia biography of Shakespeare before midway ‘getting him confused’ with Hitler is always going to be tense. We English can get rather stuffy when it comes to our national treasures and aligning one of them with a psychotic, mass-murdering dictator could potentially lead to disaster. However, the quick wit and fast-paced slapstick which accompanied this precarious opening saved the American trio and left the audience as putty in their hands. Despite the comedy often verging on the edge of pantomime – men in drag and audience participation (god forbid) – the show was well-written, well-rehearsed and well executed and had the audience in stitches throughout. There was a slight loss of momentum after the interval, but their truly spectacular finale (their many versions of Hamlet) quite made up for it. Other highlights included their Othello rap – which finished with the line ‘the Fresh Moor of Bel Air’ – and Titus Andronicus as a cooking show for the more ‘cannibalistic’ amongst us. This second tour is definitely deserved and I highly recommend this to anyone. Lauren Hickin
Landscape With Weapon
The Vagina Monologues
T
Creativity & Coffee
Drinks Art Vibe
thecourieronline.co.uk/arts c2.arts@ncl.ac.uk | @courier_arts
Northern Stage 29 October - 2 November
T
he contemporary dance group Nobulus astonished the audience with their prodigious production Out of the Shadow, a portrayal of the age of Man throughout Time, transforming Darwin’s theories of evolution with the biblical story of Adam and Eve into a truly sensational, mysterious visual masterpiece. The unparalleled style of the production, which featured a unique combination of breakdance, body-popping and locking, acrobatics, and ballet was devised nearly a decade ago, by the former urban dance-artist, Alex Wenger. The small entourage was formed of ten select dancers from all over the world who performed multiple roles throughout the production. The viewer is engulfed in this extraordinary world, taken through all the stages of mankind from the very beginning of the Creation to life today, all with the power of aesthetic structures. Cleverly choreographed, the piece featured high contrasts throughout the performance, captivating the audience with stylised slow-motion, followed by fast-paced abstract moves. It was the performers though who, with their phenomenal flexibility, made the piece come to life. Holly Suttle
I
nitially premiered at the National Theatre in 2007, The People’s Theatre is proud to bring Landscape With Weapon to the North of England for the first time. Described as ‘a heartfelt exploration of the moral maze behind the weapons industry’, an interesting debate is sparked in Joe Penhall’s play: the moral responsibility of the scientist. The story follows Ned, a brilliantly talented engineer who has designed an unmanned air vehicle set to revolutionize modern warfare. After promises of eliminating collateral damage and civilian deaths, the government demands that Ned sign a contract to hand over the intellectual property to the military. But his brother, Dan, sees the invention for what it truly is: a weapon of mass destruction. Upon this realisation and swayed by his own qualms, Ned reneges on his promises and finds himself stalked by military intelligence spies with frightening consequences. With the wars in both Iraq and Afghanistan still fresh in the public’s mind, Landscape with a weapon is ‘wry expose of private anguish versus public responsibility’. Should the inventor be responsible for his creation? As the father of the atomic bomb, Robert Oppenheimer, mournfully quoted: “Now I am become death, destroyer of worlds.” Penhall’s play is a poignant and gripping reminder that all actions have consequences. Matthew Byrne
Bury Me Where They Fall Jonathan Watts
T
hink the Hunger Games-come-Lord of The Rings served with sprinklings of the Odyssey. This short story certainly makes for an adventurous read. Bury Me Where They Fall dictates the trials and tribulations of a young female adventurer, Amiel, along her quest to find Legion Kain. We are submersed into the action from the outset, being introduced to assassins, sword fights and death on the first page alone. Whilst this may appear an exciting prospect, fifty pages in and all this action becomes a little overpowering and even a little mundane. The sentences are short and snappy which undoubtedly heightens a sense of unease but, consequently, also results in a fairly shallow character portrayal. Nonetheless, I find myself engrossed by Amiel and her accomplice, Axel, hurriedly flicking through the pages Tinder-style in order to discover the nature of their next encounter. The thread of ‘mythmaking’ that runs throughout the narrative adds another dimension to the narrative and allows Watt to tamper with our expectations. The characters may be a little two-dimensional but wasn’t too bothered. Keeping up with the action stole most of my attention, just as a successful adventure story should. Viki Monk
24.filmfeatures
Monday 18 November 2013
The Courier
Film Editors: Muneeb Hafiz and Jacob Crompton-Schreiber
What’s up, Doc?
Editor’s Aidan Knowlson looks at the ingredients for a great documentary Word f all the genre’s that film can take, the can truly educate its audience and is able to have Exposition Exposé
A
lmost every film has it. Sometimes it’s good, sometimes it’s bad, and sometimes it’s plain ugly. Actually, that could be referring to any number of cinematic elements, from music to actors, but this week’s column is all about exposition. Some sort of exposition, or background information, is present in most film, regardless of where or when it was made. It is often used to convey backstory or as a tool to revisit a character’s past and expand on their persona. From sci-fi to film-noir, everyone loves a bit of backstory that fleshes out the plot; the hard part is doing it right. Dialogue, narration, flashbacks, a TV news story, text, photos, mise-en-scene, music – exposition is a chameleon that comes in many disguises. The more naturally it blends in with the film, the more seamless (and hopefully better) the final picture.
Think Star Wars and everyone will remember the opening of all six films. The iconic, yellow text that crawls up the screen before vanishing into the darkness of space. Thousands of years of (fictional) history and tons of backstory all crammed into a quick read at the beginning of every film in the Star Wars series, the classic theme music in the background tops off the textbook example of how to do exposition brilliantly. Not forgetting Mr. DNA too, the talking DNA strand that condenses a lot of potentially boring science into a quick animated clip that sets up the premise for Jurassic Park. Or the tattoos of the local man at the tavern in Puss In Boots that tell the story of the ancient treasure of the golden goose eggs. These are just some examples of how to do exposition memorably and rather subtly. However, badly done exposition can stop a film in its tracks when a massive info-dump occurs, characters narrating or spouting out tons of information is a common problem and is often done badly, particularly in sci-fi and fantasy films where the audience needs to know how the world works. Apart from notable examples such as The Matrix, most similar films are guilty of dumping in a load of exposition to set up the film but this tactic actually takes you out of the film and its created world.
The character Basil Exposition in the Austin Powers series parodies the ‘M’ role in the James Bond series perfectly, and indeed spoofs the whole idea of exposition. I am sure he loved Star Wars, Jurassic Park and Puss in Boots because if anyone knows exposition, it’s Basil. Jacob Crompton-Schreiber
O
documentary is arguably the most important. The ability to capture the world on film allows for an indisputable depiction of events and as such has the potential to have an impact upon lives and the world, no matter what the subject matter. Yet sometimes a documentary cannot garner a person’s interest and as such fall by the wayside, losing all the potential they have to educate their audience. The primary reason that I believe makes a documentary great is an interesting story. A great story will immediately make its audience enthralled by the documentary. Within a film like 1994’s Hoop Dreams the use of storytelling involved in the telling of two college children trying to enter the world of professional basketball is emotional as well as insightful. As such by becoming emotionally attached to these two characters, a viewer therefore becomes interested in the world of basketball, by having a gateway into a world that most don’t know about it helps to ease into it the use of storytelling adding to the experience of the documentary. Furthermore a documentary can achieve greatness from a great insight into its subject matter. A film such as Shoah is nine and a half hours long but the pure insight it gives into the holocaust and its effects makes it an important historical document. As such, if a documentary can give an audience an insight that they did not have prior to watching it, then it has achieved its goal. When a documentary
a lasting impact on them from what it has shown then it can truly count itself amongst great documentaries. The quality of a documentary can also be elevated from having a charismatic and interesting narrator to keep the audience interested in its subject matter. A documentary about hair doesn’t seem like the most enthralling subject matter but the charisma of Chris Rock keeps his documentary ‘Good Hair’ interesting. The kings of this subject
Michael Moore and Morgan Spurlock make themselves the epicentres of their documentaries. Due to this a person can feel more at ease with a familiar and charismatic figure and feel stronger about the argument they are trying to present, making it resonate more with the viewer. Finally a great documentary has the ability to challenge perceptions, a documentary such as
“Truly great documentaries allow for a fresh angle on subject matter”
Senna from having such an insight into a controversial figure makes a person sympathise to that character. Truly great documentaries allow for a fresh angle on subject matters and as such can have an important impact on the history of an event or character. Being able to challenge a viewpoint immediately makes an audience intrigued to see how this viewpoint can be justified. When a documentary has the power to change the outlook upon something then its legacy as a great work is cemented. Ultimately though, documentaries greatness is mostly down to how the director can attain its audience’s attention so as to educate them. Whether that be through style substance or a combination of several factors, if a documentary cannot engage its audience it will never be able to impact them with the message it is trying to tell. As such documentaries mainly come down to direction, it is a genre which is mainly due to presentation and as such the more technically adept that a documentary can be, the easier it will be to achieve its goals and be able to truly leave a lasting impact on the cinematic scene.
Films to see before you die
#1: The History Boys. David Leighton reminisces about his classic pick from the archives of vintage cinema
T
here are thousands, really, from American Psycho to V for Vendetta – they’re all mustwatches. Anyway, after much deliberation I decided to go with a film I only watched myself last week, The History Boys, an absolute tour de force of critical film-making. Converted from Alan Bennett’s highly acclaimed play, containing the original cast and directed by Nicholas Hytner it really is the ultimate thinking film; dare I say I wish somebody would
show it to the hopped-up exam machine that is Michael Gove and most of his department. Set in the 1980’s, the film concerns a group of young men studying their A-Levels in a rather unimpressive grammar school who all have the desire (and intelligence) to achieve Oxbridge places. Having been taught by the wonderful Mrs Lintott and the shockingly genius ‘Hector’ the boys are smart enough to pass the bar – but the head teacher (every child’s ‘Demon Headmaster’) still isn’t satisfied, hiring young Irwin to “polish” the students up. It’s a plot that questions the point of teaching, is it for the sake of knowledge or is it just some endgame for a well-paid job? Do you pick beauty over regime? What is love? All of these questions are answered in a brief but beautiful two hours. Why is it so great? Well it’s got one hell of a cast to start with, including James Cordon, Russell Tovey, Dominic Cooper, Penelope Wilton and the late (and ever wonderful) Richard Griffiths. This combined with the fact they had already performed this “film” live multiple times meant that when the time came to transfer play to film, they were ready to perform their best…and they did. It seems to manage being undeniably funny, highly critical (yet un-patronising) and brilliantly adapted from play to film and that’s not the half of it! I realise I sound quite akin to a fan-girl but you will too (as soon as you watch it). The History Boys contains a million memorable scenes, start to finish you are doused in wit, critique and absolute beauty. Of course no film this good comes without a price, if you watch the film you will be privy to the harrowing last ten minutes or so of the film that, whilst filling you will inspiration, will ultimately crush your soul and make you cry. Honest to goodness? I watched this film two weeks ago at about two in the morning, when it finished I rolled onto my side and lay there for about an hour – just taking in the sorrow. I should say it’s like camping: “in
tents”. Ultimately if all you take away from my gushing is “this guy thinks this film is amazeballs and won’t shut up about it”, that isn’t a bad thing. I’m usually really critical, I didn’t like Man of Steel too much, Iron Man 3 was a let-down and Titanic just isn’t that good. The History Boys, however, is. So will you please just go and watch the bloody film already.
The Courier
reviewsfilm.25
Monday 18 November 2013
thecourieronline.co.uk/film c2.film@ncl.ac.uk | @Courier_Film
“I need to visit the Mother Superior for one last hit.” Trainspotting (1996)
One Chance (12A)
LOVE Sandra Bullock
J
S
ince her breakout performance in Speed Bullock’s been an unstoppable force in the film industry. She’s worked in films varying from romance, action and comedy, to science fiction thriller in her newest film Gravity - Sandra Bullock is clearly not a one role wonder. She loves her dogs so much she makes them wear special seat belts and she has survived a plane crash- clearly the universe loves her, so here’s four reasons why you should too:
ames Cordon stars in this sickly sweet biopic of Britain’s Got Talent winner, Paul Potts’ life, and I personally hope to all that is good in the world, that this is not the beginning of a trend. Cordon plays bullied opera enthusiast and talented singer, Paul Potts, who begins the film meeting the love of his life, Julie (Alexandra Roach) who encourages him to overcome his pathological shyness and pursue a life as a professional opera singer. A series of tragic set backs ensue, including a poor performance in front of his idol Pavarotti, and a throat tumour (an excess of drama was occasionally added for our viewing pleasure). The film climaxes with his tremendous performance on the stage of Britain’s Got Talent. In many ways this film falls flat in its excessiveness. More notably, Potts’ relationship with Julie is poisonously sweet and seems to stab the audience with a syringe of cringe. The villain of the film, the protagonist’s childhood bully (Trystan Gravelle) is mercilessly cartoon-ish, as if he is attempting to define ‘wanker’ in his belief that a real man should burn his eyeballs out in a steel works rather than sing. The operatic element of this film was the only part which encouraged me to watch it yet even that
was heavily let down by appalling dubbing. This is perhaps something that I should ignore and just appreciate the music for what it is, but it really destroyed any notion that I was harbouring about the film’s realism. This film tries desperately to fill the shoes left by Billy Elliot but in doing so does itself more damage than good. In fact, by doing a few character (that of a young boy wanting to dance to a fat man wanting to sing) and setting substitutions (Newcastle for Port Talbot), one gleams that they are effectively the same film, right down to the disapproving father who eventually comes around. My fear now is that this film’s commercial success will breed a
whole host of talent show contestant biographic movies with the likes of Susan Boyle: Never Been Kissed or the true story of forbidden romance: Same Difference: Love is Love (adults only). The fact that one of the film’s producers was Simon Cowell himself gives this fear more voice than I had previously imagined.
Cutie And The Boxer (12A)
Escape Plan (15)
Filth (18)
“
I
E
More like this: Billy Elliot (2000) George Smith
W
hate Hollywood style happy endings,” declares Noriko Shinohara, wife of almostfamous artist Ushio Shinohara, thirtynine years into their marriage. With award-winning direction by Zachary Heinzerling this candid documentary coops up the viewer in chaotic New York City, in an apartment shrinking under a multitude of canvases and sculptures in a once hip, “arty” area. Recent documentaries such as Gabriela Cowperthwaite’s Blackfish and the somewhat gruesome The Act of Killing by Joshua Oppenheimer, documentary filmmakers are going further than anyone has been before and Heinzerling is on board. Here 29-year-old Heinzerling boldly takes on some gruelling realities. The love in this relationship is complicated – the couple cannot live with, or without, each other. Working from home, often regarded as a desirable situation, is seen instead to be mentally straining. Working from home with a competitive partner in the same occupation? Mentally destructive. Noriko insists her husband is consistently making her feel artistically inferior, despite her undeniable facility. “This is difficult,” she sighs. We see a couple fighting “art”, the abstract concept that they once so confidently tamed but now feel slipping away. Audiences will feel the weight of this. It’s uncomfortable and heart breaking. As the title suggests though the real fight is between the aging couple. The two will undoubtedly be warring to the end, and perhaps even after that. Yet we are consistently reminded that neither he or she would rather be anywhere else, imbuing this beautiful film with unstoppable warmth.
scape Plan is the latest of Sylvester Stallone’s 80’s throwback action movies with the added allure of Arnold Schwarzenegger co-starring. Stallone plays Ray Breslin, master prison-escapist who signs on to test a privately funded prison for a hefty pay cheque. When he arrives he soon finds out he’s got himself into more than he bargained for. Like the movies it’s paying homage to, Escape Plan delivers testosterone fuelled action, a more than respectable death count and plot points so generic you’d think it actually was the 1980’s. But to criticise the film for this would be meritless. In choosing to see Escape Plan one must not seek innovative plot points, but rather, big burly men blowing shit up. And Escape Plan delivers, if only just. The action sequences come thick and fast with some suitably gory moments for action junkies to enjoy. But the real pleasure of Escape Plan is of course the two stars and their playful, tongue firmly in cheek, on screen chemistry. The pair play off each other well with Arnie appearing to be having a whale of a time delivering solid (if unspectacular) one liners: “you hit like a vegetarian” being an early highlight. Vinnie Jones pops up in a supporting role as one of the prison guards, he is bad, he is a bad actor, but I took pleasure in knowing he’s still getting work since moving out to LA; good for him. Speaking of has-beens, Sam Neill (Jurassic Park and erm, Omen 3) appears as the prison’s morally conscious doctor. He’s not good either. Despite its obvious flaws, Escape Plan is one of the better recent ‘old-school’ actioners. It plays to a specific audience and whilst it may not attract any new blood, it will satisfy fans of the genre.
made. Trainspotting was so wildly successful and had such an impact, that it has become somewhat of a cultural touchstone. The film defined a generation and as a result all those involved in the adaptation (particularly the film’s director, Danny Boyle) have spent the rest of their careers trying to shake themselves free from the association. Filth has been eagerly anticipated by many, yet unfortunately I imagine some will be disappointed. Where Trainspotting balanced perfectly the comedy and tragedy of it’s characters and the brash with the tender, director Jon S. Baird, has been perhaps too preoccupied with impending comparisons and, at times has forgotten the charm of the film’s characters, leaving caricatures behind. Likewise the handling of the audacious, graphic nature of Welsh’s work that most have come to expect, has somehow become a little infantile. Despite this, James McAvoy’s central performance is spectacular and silences many of his critics who were shocked at the choice of casting for such a distasteful character. He commits fully and without mockery resulting in a no holds barred and a convincing portrayal of Bruce Robertson. All in all I think this film is somewhat of a mixed bag, outrageous and entertaining one minute, and farcical and absurd at others. The saving grace is of course McAvoy in the lead role, without whom the entire film would fall into disarray. It’s a film I can’t make my mind up about and certainly warrants a second viewing, it’s not Trainspotting, but it’s not half bad either.
More like this: Exit Through the Gift Shop (2010)
More like this: Cell 211 (2009)
More like this: The Bad Lieutenant (2009)
Will Loxley
Will Druck
henever an Irvine Welsh adaptation is released, comparisons to the Oscarnominated Trainspotting (1999) will be
Beth Storey
She is an Oscar-winner. Sandra is an incredible actress and this was finally proven when she received the award for Best Actress in a Leading Role for her performance in The Blind Side. Her portrayal of Leigh Anne Tuohy and her role in helping Michael Oher turn his life around is heart-wrenching and the fact she devoted her award to, “the moms who take care of the babies and the children no matter where they came from” is enough to stir tendrils of love in anyone’s heart.
She personally accepted her Golden Raspberry Award. Also known as a Razzie Award, Sandra Bullock shows she has a sense of humour by accepting her award for Worst Actress of the Year in the (admittedly dreadful) All About Steve. Her hilarious acceptance speech included such priceless moments as offering to read her dialogue to the audience, “page by page... we can do this till about four o’clock in the morning” and giving out DVD’s of the film to the entire audience. She’s worked alongside some of the biggest names in the business. Having filmed with such greats as Tom Hanks, George Clooney and Melissa McCarthy you’ve got to admit she’s in the big leagues and worthy of being loved.
Lastly, have you seen her body? If you haven’t seen The Proposal, you need to. It claims the rights to Sandra’s first nude scene and I only wish I looked that good now, never mind at 44! If you can’t bring yourself to love her then you can certainly be jealous of her. Rebecca Dooley
26.tvhighlights
Monday 18 November 2013
The Courier
TV Editor: Beth Durant Deputy TV Editor: Helen Daly
Modern Family Sky 1, Monday 8pm
I
TVintage
Rebecca Dooley reminisces about the classic 80’s high school dramedy
magine 14-year-old’s with burgundy dinner jackets and a Columbian beauty queen with a talent for ventriloquism. It can only mean one thing. Yes, Sofia Vergara and co return to the UK for the new series of Modern Family and it promises to be just as hysterical, dysfunctional and heart-warming as ever. The hugely popular mockumentary returns to Sky for its fifth series and it’s set to be a good one. But first, lets round up what’s been happening with America’s favourite family. Known as the glue holding everyone together, Claire continues her balancing act between working for her dad Jay and looking after husband Phil and kids Hayley, Alex and Luke. As for Phil, here’s hoping for
another edition of ‘Phil’s-osophy’ featuring more imparts of wisdom from the wonderful Mr Dunphy. The last season featured the funeral of Phil’s mother Gracie, leaving his father Frank newly single. Frank’s love life features in the new series leading to scenes so cringeworthy you really will want to cry. Be sure to expect a series full of gloriously dry one-liners from Mitchell and Cam’s daughter Lily. Since “Beyonce-ing” her hair in the last series she’s cemented her place as the shows sassiest character. Gloria, Jay and hopeless romantic Manny are still adjusting to life with baby Joe. Much to Claire and women across the world’s dis app ointment Gloria is still beautiful, thin and most of all loud. If shouts of “JAAYYY”
I
t graced our TV screens for 14 years and it’s fair to say that no childhood was complete without running in from school to flick on Nickelodeon just as that familiar theme tune was beginning. Think 80’s cheese with some hi-tech clip art graphics thrown. The group of six friends were made up of Zack Morris, the show’s lead heartthrob, along with know-it-all Jessie Spano, nerd Samuel “Screech” Powers, jock A.C Slater, gossip queen Lisa Turtle, and it-girl Kelly Kapowski.
Whilst possibly being the most incestuous group of friends ever (remember that these kids came in before high-waisted mum jeans were actually cool on Friends) it was hard to resist tuning in to see what antics they had gotten themselves into that day, inevitably involving Mr Belding and his cry of, “Hey, hey, hey, HEY, HEY! What is going on here?” Mr Belding seemed to have that unique combination of care and respect for his students; he was the epitome of the easy going Principal that everyone wished they had. Bayside High School may have been where they spent the majority of their time, but the centre of their social lives was the fluorescent-filled The Max in which every member of the group at one time or another had a stint waiting on tables. But aside from the trivial the show also dealt with the daily pressures of teenage life at Bayside High School: homework, tests, love, drugs, popularity, and friendship. At times it may have been cheesy and it might not have been full of award winning performances, but it was a loveable and entertaining show that many grew up with.
If you were a hardcore fan you may have gone on to watch Saved by the Bell: The College Years and watched the group muddle their way through college classes, and somehow even more love triangles inevitably involving Zack Morris and Kelly Kapowski. The big will-they-won’t-they question was answered at the end of the series when the pair got engaged and we watched the TV movie Saved by the Bell: Wedding in Las Vegas and they ended the series with the marriage of teen sweethearts Zack and Kelly. We’re going to pretend Saved by the Bell: The New Class didn’t happen. After all who could replace the original six when you’re appeasing your nostalgic childhood blues?
still echo through your mind, get prepared because you’re certain to hear much more of it. ABC’s promotional video hints at a possible wedding between Cam and Mitchell. Take an emotional shot of Cam on one knee, repetitions of the word yes, and cue gay wedding hysteria. As any fan of the show will know, this is certain to lead to epic battles between the easily embarrassed Mitchell and flamboyant farm boy Cam. Series 5 sees guest appearances from a number of famous faces. Most notable is Jessie Eisenberg (The Social Network) who plays Mitchell and Cam’s eco-warrior neighbour. Other guests include Adam Devine (remember him? He played Bumper in Pitch Perfect) as Jay
“The show has won a Golden Globe, 18 Emmy’s and has millions of fans worldwide, including the Obama family. ” and Gloria’s new male nanny. Fans of the show will be desperate to see more of Julia and Clive, the Valentines Day alter egos of Claire and Phil. Previously we’ve watched Julia get stuck on an escalator wearing nothing but a raincoat and as luck would have it also run into Jay and Gloria. Cringe. Since the days of Friends there’s been few TV shows in which you can immerse yourself in the lives of the characters. Lets face it we’ve all got those two gay uncles and that hot Columbian stepnan. The show has won a Golden Globe, 18 Emmy’s and has millions of fans worldwide, including the Obama family. The latest season will see Modern Family air its 100th episode and it’s sure to be the best yet. Georgia Bygate
Doctor Who
BBC One, Saturday 7:50pm
I
t’s the episode that everyone’s been waiting for. Even if you don’t watch Doctor Who, you’ve been waiting for this episode and not even realising it. This landmark episode marks fifty years of the iconic sci-fi show on our screens, and it promises to be a good one. After the massive revelation of series seven’s epic conclusion (spoiler alert here, although if you haven’t seen it, go immediately to your nearest computer and find the episode, seriously), John Hurt was introduced as the Doctor… wait, what? The shocking revelation threw everything we knew about the show out of the window and left us in a state of confusion. The question of John Hurt looks like it’s going to be solved if the new trailers are anything to go on. And with promises of a game-changing twist, Elizabeth I, and of course, the return of fan-favourite David Tennant (yes, you read that right), the episode is not only going to be worth the wait; it’s going to be phenomenal. Of course, let’s not forget that this episode does not mark the end of Doctor Who on our screens. With Matt Smith announcing his departure at Christmas (a fact I type with falling tears), the very regenerative nature of Doctor Who means that the show will begin all over again soon with Peter Capaldi (yes, Malcolm Tucker will be stepping into the TARDIS, but with a lot less swearing I imagine). But for now, we have the small matter of the 50th anniversary episode, and what an episode we have to look forward to. So take your place on the sofa (or behind it, completely optional) and watch as the pathway for the next fifty years is carved before our very eyes. Helen Daly
An Adventure in Space and Time BBC Two, Thursday 9pm
T
here are a lot of us who are undoubtedly excited for the long-awaited 50th anniversary special of Doctor Who. It’s airing on the November 23 and avid fans have already noted it in their planners, wall charts, calendars, and phone reminders. However, before we get the actual episode, Doctor Who and Sherlock screenwriter Mark Gatiss will give us a small treat – his TV drama-biopic An Adventure in Space and Time. The 90-minute show focuses on the creation of the tea-time sci-fi drama and the attempts to get it commissioned. It will most likely cover the Doctor Who’s genesis up to at least Patrick Troughton’s arrival as the second Doctor (to be played by Reece Shearsmith). David Bradley will step up as William Hartnell, the first ever actor to play the Doctor. Due to length restrictions, some crucial elements of Doctor Who history have had to be cut out, the most notorious of which is the story of the “birth” of the Daleks. However, much to the fans’ excitement, the TV drama will feature recreated scenes from long-lost episodes. The ‘Marco Polo’ adventure does survive in the form of audio and still photographs, which show an impressive set and costume design – something that the creative team of An Adventure in Space and Time will undoubtedly attempt to recreate in the best possible way. Gatiss describes An Adventure in Space and Time as his very own “love letter” to the show: “I made it for everybody and I hope it’s very touching.” It’s definitely a wonderful way to prepare and get into the spirit for the undoubtedly extraordinary 50th anniversary special. Antonia Velikova
A Young Doctor’s Notebook Sky Arts, Thursday 9pm
T
he first series of this jet-black comedy was the biggest success the Sky Arts channel has ever had. Although this show is undeniably not going to be to everyone’s taste - it is bleak to the point of despondency, and unflinchingly gory - it delivers the laughs even if you’re not quite sure why it’s funny. Much of Notebook’s success is down to stars Jon Hamm and Daniel Radcliffe. Hamm is the doctor in 1934, a nostalgic morphine addict looking back at his first job in a remote hospital in 1917, where Radcliffe plays a younger version of him. The comic interplay between the old and young versions of himself in his own memories is never explained. Morphine is a hell of a drug. In darker moments, Hamm re-uses his hollow eyed alcoholic face from Mad Men to great effect, whilst Radcliffe is suitably jittery and nervous about his first job. The supporting players have a great time over-acting as well, from the zany dentist, played with aplomb by Adam Godley, to the pair of dour nurses. The absurd Russian score and credits further add to the pervading sense of the absurd. But make no mistake, it is not a quirky, happy-go-lucky show. After watching the unforgiving amputation scene, and the omnipresence of infected bodily fluids, you realise that the ‘black’ rather overshadows the ‘comedy’ . You are forewarned: this isn’t Harry Potter. In season 2, the roles are reversed - Hamm’s older doctor is clean, but Radcliffe’s addiction is just beginning – and the arrival of a beautiful aristocrat fleeing the revolution is set to stir things up. Personally, I’m rather looking forward to returning to the Notebook’s warped world. George Severs
The Courier
featurestv.27
Monday 18 November 2013
thecourieronline.co.uk/tv c2.tv@ncl.ac.uk | @courier_tv
Hiatus gonna hiate
Hiatuses are the bane of every TV viewer’s life. In anticipation of a new Sherlock season, Chloe Carroll discusses whether breaks make the heart grow fonder
A
fter a two-year hiatus, Sherlock will finally return to our screens this winter with its long awaited third season. The hallelujah chorus will break out, confetti will be thrown and champagne will be duly downed. And then three weeks after it has started, we will be deserted once more, most likely with an excruciating cliffhanger and the prospect of another drawn out wait for season four. Are the hiatuses even worth it? Hiatuses give freedom for the actors outside of their respective show. Sherlock has turned Benedict Cumberbatch and Martin Freeman into stars and Hollywood’s come a-knocking. Cumberbatch has been wowing audiences with his chameleon-like ability to convincingly portray whatever character is thrown at him, including the villainous Khan in Star Trek: Into Darkness, and most recently the notorious Wikileaks founder Julian Assange in The Fifth Estate. And of course, Freeman has been busy too, spending much of the past three years in New Zealand bringing Bilbo Baggins to life for The Hobbit films.
shows due to the musical numbers and they run out of time before the episode goes on air. However, all they need to do is start production a few weeks early. Problem solved. However, the wait between seasons may see some viewers lose interest and stop watching. Two years is a long time and casual viewers could easily forget about a show they watched a few years ago. Also, the amount of episodes, particularly with Sherlock, could contribute to whether people tune in or not. Three episodes, while 90 minutes and very good, just may not be worth the hassle for some. This wait, on the other hand, could also help with the longevity of the show. Viewers won’t get bored and there is little chance of recycling old storylines (just
look at some American programmes). There is also no need to resort to ridiculously farfetched plots in an attempt to keep the viewer interested, which has led to the demise of once great shows, like Lost and Heroes. The idea is to always leave the audience wanting more and Sherlock certainly achieves this. It’s ironic that, although we complain about the never-ending hiatuses, it is probably these long waits that will hopefully contribute to Sherlock becoming a long-running drama; they’re just painfully annoying. So Sherlock, you’re really rather good and we’d like you to stick around. If you need a break, that’s fine. Just try not to make it too long. OK?
“Two years is a long time and casual viewers could forget about a show they watched a few years ago.” Although there is no show that has had such a long hiatus as Sherlock, many shows are now turning to mid-season breaks. Even Doctor Who in its last few seasons has been off air for approximately six months to have a breather. While it’s common in America to have a break over the Christmas period (think we’ll let them off for that), more mini-hiatuses are appearing seemingly sporadically throughout the rest of the season. For example, during Glee’s fourth season, there were around four hiatuses within the season. Production takes longer than the average American
Keeping up with the Kardashians
A
nyone who watches E! Entertainment’s biggest reality show, Keeping Up with the Kardashians, will be well aware that the whole Kardashian/Jenner clan are easy to fall in love with. Even if you can’t tolerate Kim, there’s plenty more to choose from. There’s emotionless, deadpan Kourtney and her suited-up partner, Scott. There’s crazy “momager” Kris, conservative dad Bruce, hilarious younger sister Khloe and her crack-loving husband, Lamar. Just to name a few. And for all there is an abundance of Kardashians, there is an abundance of life lessons to be learnt, too. Let’s start with the obvious. Sex tapes are usually not a great idea. Unless you fancy becoming an insanely rich worldwide superstar! In which case, have at it! Ladies, whack out your video camera, put on your skankiest underwear and get filming. But make sure you have your mother on standby with a contract from Vivid and a reality show waiting in the wings or else you’ll just look like a slapper.
“Dealing with a waiter and he’s about to cut you off ? Physically shove a hundred dollar bill straight into his mouth. Worried your outfit isn’t cute? Walk into a store and buy a diamond encrusted cane”
The doc’s bollocks
Everyone loves a good documentary. But who does it best? Dylan Healy, Emily North and Kate Bennett tackle the big names of documentaries
Brian Cox
David Attenborough
n his Twitter bio Cox describes himself as ‘Ultra-naïve, positivist-ish,’ with a fan based of over 1,200,000 young loyal followers Cox certainly has a reason to smile. His meteoric rise to become England’s most loved physicist began in an unexpected way: Cox played as keyboard for the popular nineties synth band D:Ream, and he certainly has injected some sort of rock and roll influence into physics, thanks to the success of his acclaimed BBC series Wonders Of The Universe, his audience has soared dramatically over the past 3 years. Cox is the sort of lecturer that we all wish we had in a Monday morning lecture, who would one day waltz into the Herschel Building. The so-called ‘Cox effect’ has done wonders for physics in the UK and has doubled the number of undergrads taking it up. But he is also changing the face of science in Britain by representing on the CERN project in Switzerland. We are constantly reading stories in the Daily Mail of ‘dumbed-down education standards for the broken generation’, but you can’t fault what Cox is doing in the UK. Thank you Mr Brian Cox for partially restoring my faith in the BBC and in our generation as a whole.
don’t think it is possible to dislike David Attenborough. Who could not like a man happy to go to the most remote places on earth in the pursuit of the most elusive animals, knowing that he could not find what he is looking for, and still have a smile on his face? He has been delighting viewers for 60 years with his knowledge of the natural world, and he seems to know just about everything there is to know about the animal kingdom, from the smallest ant to the largest blue whale. You can see in his programmes that he is filled with passion and enthusiasm for his subject, and indeed any creature, no matter how unappealing, is fascinating to him. (I even suspect that he can secretly talk to animals in a Doctor Dolittle-esque way.) It is his love for his subject that has brought the wonders of the natural world to the attention of the masses, at the same time doing stirling service for the awareness of endangered species and the dangers of global warming. He also seems like a genuinely nice chap, who would probably make you a really good cup of tea if you asked, not that you would ask, after all he’s David Attenborough.
O
Lizzy’s Life Lessons
I
Louis Theroux
S
ir David’s blue whales and Professor Cox’s Martian volcanoes are all very well, but deep down you know you’d rather watch a bemused-looking Louis Theroux making stilted conversation with a porn star. Theroux sheds light on facets of human existence that most of us would otherwise know little about, from prostitution and drug addiction to paedophilia and religious cults. It’s not just the taboo subject matter that makes them such compulsive viewing, though: it’s the way he embeds himself within the community he’s examining, using his mild-mannered, faux-naïve persona to draw out his subjects over time. You’re never in any doubt as to Theroux’s abhorrence or bewilderment at the things he encounters, but his own feelings are never the focal point. It’s left to the subjects themselves to inadvertently expose their lifestyles as absurd, which is so much more powerful than having some disembodied voiceover do it for them. He might not have a PhD or a knighthood, but Louis Theroux is essential viewing for anyone fascinated by the darker side of human existence.
Hey, if you’re not shy, even get her to film it. It’ll save you a job and you’ll be on the path to stardom with minimal effort. Kim Kardashian taught me that sex tapes are cool, but also that the motherdaughter bond knows no bounds. Some of the most valuable lessons to be learnt from the Kardashians come from my personal life coach, Scott Disick. Whenever I’m in doubt, I simply ask myself what Scott would do. Are you feeling like a peasant? Go to London and pay to become a Lord. Actually dealing with a peasant (or a waiter) and he’s about to cut you off ? Physically shove a hundred dollar bill straight into his mouth. Worried your outfit isn’t cute? Walk into a store and buy a diamond encrusted cane. Your girlfriend is concerned you’re not fit to be a father? Get drunk and punch a fucking mirror. Speaking of Scott, the Kardashian women know how to keep their men happy. They are renowned worldwide for their successful relationships. Want to keep your man? Try telling him he can’t do anything he likes. Kris always made sure Bruce knew his helicopter flying hobby was stupid and that everything he owned was too trampy to stay in their house. And their relationship is going swimmingly… towards a big pile of rocks.
You can always storm off in a huff when he playfully throws you into the ocean or complains about how big your beautiful and expensive hotel room is, because men love drama queens. If none of those seduction techniques are working, you can always marry him on international television and then divorce him 72 days later. Especially if it seems like you don’t even like him in the first place. Guaranteed to be well-received by everyone. The most satisfying lesson I’ve taken away from this horribly addictive TV show is that I used to think that I had the world’s ugliest crying face and it deeply upset me on a daily basis. But I was wrong. I was so wrong.
28. TVfeature
Monday 18 November 2013
The Courier
TV Editor: Beth Durant Deputy TV Editor: Helen Daly
Doctor, doctor! I feel like a long-running TV franchise
With the 50th anniversary of Doctor Who just around the corner, proud Whovians Tom Nicholson and Helen Daly take a look at the fifty impressive years of Doctor Who and decide which Doctor is the best
The Second Doctor - Patrick Troughton W hen Whovians think of the Doctor, what do they think of? All the Doctors have their foibles – the Fifth Doctor’s fondness for cricket, for example, or the Third Doctor’s slightly bizarre insistence on using karate – but some traits are utterly immovable. He is, after all, the same man. The archetype of the occasionally buffoonish, ancient polymath contained within a far younger body was constructed during the all-too-brief stay of the Second Doctor, which is why Patrick Troughton stands out as the best and most important Doctor. When Troughton took over from William Ha r t n e l l ’s stern, overtly grandfatherly First Doctor, the series stood at probably the most important crossroads in its history. Nobody involved had seen Hartnell’s ret irement from the r o l e
I
’m quite proud to call myself a Whovian. Taking on such a responsibility means that I have to dedicate a large portion of my time to watching Doctor Who and talking about it. Of course, this means that I have become fond of a few of the actor’s portrayals of the famous Time Lord, but there’s one who really stands out in my eyes. Matt Smith flew on to our screens right after David Tennant packed his bags and left for good, leaving a trail of crying fans. Now I’ll be the first to admit that I was devastated to see Tennant leave the TARDIS, and who honestly thought that anyone could replace him? Enter the twenty-six year old a n d fairly unknown Matt Smith and what you got in turn was magical. Of course, he had massive boots (or Converse, if w e’r e paying attention to detail) to fill,
coming, and thought up the idea of regeneration as a neat little sidestep around the problem. Troughton’s new take on the character was the making of Doctor Who as a touchstone of TV drama. Where Hartnell was regularly severe towards and distant from his human companions, like a kind of time-travelling prison guard, Troughton was kindly, impish and winningly imperfect. He plays the recorder, for God’s sake. Imperfections don’t come much more glaring or grating. The glimpse of the Second Doctor’s past which we get in ‘Tomb of the Cybermen’ is handled so delicately and sweetly by Troughton (when asked if he can still remember his family despite being 450 years old, the Doctor confirms that he can, but only if he really wants to, “the rest of the time they just sleep in my mind”) that it’s very difficult not to wander up to the TV set and give it a cuddle. With the First Doctor it was considered par for the course when he tried to brain a caveman with a rock because he was slowing everyone down. This disparity wasn’t entirely Hartnell’s fault – the oddly didactic tone of his stories and character were a hangover from the time in the development Doctor Who when it was supposed to be an educational programme showing children history and science. However, the fact that Troughton brought such lightness and brightness to the Doctor means he went a long way to
ensuring its longevity. In short, Troughton’s Doctor represented a shift in the relationship between the Doctor and the viewer from something like that of a demanding piano teacher and his reluctant student to being more like that between a brilliant, absent-minded uncle and his favourite niece or nephew.
“Doctor Who became a cultural institution on his watch, and it is to Troughton that all new Doctors look for inspiration”
Clothes are extremely important to the success of a Doctor too. Look at the Sixth Doctor: a shite coat and an utterly hideous cravat helped shove the franchise to death’s door by the mid-80s. By contrast, the Second Doctor had the most fabulous brown fur coat: it was absolutely huge, and, as such, completely unsuitable for sprinting around tiny corridors. Given how hairy it was, it was most likely far too warm to be practical on a temperately air-conditioned space station either. But these kinds of eccentricities and concerns for style and sentiment over practicality are what separate the Doctor from his enemies. The Cybermen did not step out of their icy prison in ‘Tomb of the Cyber-
men’ wearing feather boas. If they had, the ethics of the whole story would have been much more opaque. The Second Doctor’s fingerprints can be found all over later incarnations: the darkly manipulative streak which characterised the Seventh Doctor was a trait which started with Troughton’s Doctor, as was the Eighth Doctor’s effervescent zest and vim. The Eleventh Doctor’s bow tie is a direct homage to the Second, too. Tom Baker’s Fourth Doctor might have polished the light-dark, sanemad dichotomy at the heart of the Doctor to a T, it was the Second Doctor who set all that in place. Doctor Who became a cultural institution on his watch, and it is to Troughton that all new Doctors look for inspiration. Tom Nicholson
The Eleventh Doctor - Matt Smith
and people were judging him left, right and centre before he’d even taken his first step on set. What you get from Smith most importantly, is variation. In ‘The Eleventh Hour’, what you got was a youthful, energetic and fresh interpretation of the Doctor, which in my opinion was both different and, crucially, glorious. Smith didn’t just put his own spin on the Time Lord; he reinvented almost everything about the well-known character.
“The Eleventh Doctor’s understated anger is more refined than Tennant’s threats or Ecclestone’s fury”
During Smith’s first series, we got to see all sides of the character. In ‘Victory of the Daleks’, we saw a Troughton-esque explosion which seemed altogether different to David Tennant’s hard-toannoy Doctor. In two-parter ‘The Time of Angels’ and ‘Flesh and Stone’ we saw the Eleventh Doctor and River Song get to know each other, and in ‘The Lodger’, we saw perhaps the best side to Matt’s Doctor – his
quirkiness. This side to the Doctor proved to be very popular, and became a staple of the following series. For me, the quirky and geeky Doctor epitomises everything the Doctor should be – an alien. For me, none of the previous Doctors have ever seemed so alien before, and of course, that is fundamentally what the Doctor is. It is almost impossible to discuss Matt Smith’s time on the show without a nod to head writer, Steven Moffat, who joined the team at the same time as Smith did. Known for writing some of the best episodes of New Who (‘Blink’ and ‘Silence in the Library’), Moffat seemed to be made for the role of head writer. His style is dark, witty, and above all, extremely clever. Moffat really perfected the use of story arcs; whereas some openings have the tendency to be a bit pointless, Moffat gave them an excuse to exist. Who can forget that opening of series six, where in true Moffat style, the main character was killed in the first episode? Of course, that was all resolved thanks to some quick thinking and a nifty shape-changing robot, the Tesselector. Moffat’s heart-breaking storylines and genuine characters have proven popular series after series and have been brilliant for showcasing the talents of Matt Smith, who manages to achieve the balance between silly
and angry perfectly. What makes Smith so great in these episodes is seeing the contrast between the happy and jovial Doctor and the angry ‘oncoming storm’. And you really feel that there is a storm coming when the Eleventh Doctor is angry; the understated anger is more refined than Tennant’s threats or Ecclestone’s fury. When Smith’s Doctor is angry, it’s that classic look of disappointment which hurts far more than a shouty rant. Matt Smith has not only been a success in Britain, but he is also the first Doctor to crack America, making annual visits to Comic Con and even filming in the states for a few episodes. There’s no way you can really doubt the impact that Smith has had on Doctor Who, and I for one will miss him dearly when he leaves the TARDIS on Christmas Day. Will Capaldi be able to fill his shoes though? Only time (and maybe space) will tell. Helen Daly
The Courier
filmfeature.29
Monday 18 November 2013
Film Editors: Muneeb Hafiz and Jacob Crompton-Schreiber
We are hot for Catching Fire
With the second part of the Hunger Games trilogy sprinting frantically toward cinemas this week, we present our guide to the life and times of Jennifer Lawrence and a handy flowchart to help you decide scientifically which Hunger Games character you are. May the odds be ever in your favour, etc. Lawrence’s first acting gig was in a My Super Sweet Sixteen promo Before being one of the most sought-after actresses in Hollywood, the Oscar-winner’s first professional role was playing a bratty 16 yearold in a promo for the (once) popular MTV show in 2005. Just YouTube it, seriously.
Lawrence auditioned for the role of Bella Swan in Twilight... Before landing the role of Katniss Everdeen in The Hunger Games franchise, Lawrence auditioned for the part of Bella Swan, and we all know who that went to.
Lawrence is the second-youngest winner of the Oscar for Best Actress
Lawrence was discovered whilst (apparently talentedly) watching street performers
Earlier this year, Lawrence won the Oscar for Best Actress for her performance as the feisty/trashy/ just-lost-her-job-kind-of-girl Tiffany Maxwell in Silver Linings Playbook (2012), making her the second youngest winner ever at 22, only beat by Marlee Matlin who won at 21 for Children of a Lesser God (1986).
At the age of 14, Lawrence was ‘discovered’ during a family holiday to New York City when she was approached by a stranger (a talent agent) who asked if they could take her picture. When recalling the experience, Lawrence states that “we probably should have realized how creepy that was.” Creepy, but as they say, the rest is history.
Lawrence has never taken an acting class Despite having two Oscar-nods and one win under her belt, Lawrence has never taken an acting class and did not enrol in the drama program at school, stating that “the best acting class you can take [is] watching real people, listening to them and studying them.”
She knows the secret KFC recipe (possibly) Lawrence was born on 15th August 1990 in Louisville, Kentucky, USA. Lawrence was raised by her father, the owner of a construction company, and her mother who ran a summer camp. She also has two brothers, Ben and Blaine.
Lawrence also auditioned for the role of Lisbeth Salander
Her first non-professional acting role was a prostitute Whilst taking part in local community theatre, Lawrence’s first non-professional role was at the age of nine in a church play which centered on the book of Jonah, where she played a prostitute from Nineveh.
She’s got the eye of the tiger She obviously likes Bradley Cooper
Lawrence auditioned for the lead female role in the film adaption of Stieg Larsson’s bestselling novel The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo starring Daniel Craig. The role was given to Rooney Mara instead. Katniss Everdeen
Lawrence has co-starred alongside Cooper in 3 films in just 2 years, Silver Linings Playbook (2012), Serena (2013) and the upcoming American Hustle (2013).
Jennifer Lawrence
To quote Lawrence herself, she once stated that her competitive streak is more like ‘a mental illness’. We can definitely believe it, considering she beat over 30 actresses (such as Abigail Breslin, Emma Roberts and Kaya Scodelario of Skins fame) for the role of Katniss Everdeen in The Hunger Games franchise. Luke Garbutt
Are you hungry for the games?
Haymitch Abernathy ‘Mr. Issues’
Yes
Nah
Do you crave rebellion?
No
Fair enough. Stay at home and watch Twilight.
Not half
Gale Hawthorne ‘The Third Wheel’
Did you bring your A-game for district 12?
No
Are you capitol-ist?
Totes!
Hell naw!
Are you an evil mastermind or lowly Capitol minion?
Yes
Katniss Everdeen ‘The Girl on Fire’
Bow or brawn?
Resident Robin Hood over here
Just a worker tracker jacker
Propagandist or people person? I live to serve
I break rocks
Peeta Mellark
Give me a hug
‘The Baker’
Call me Dr. Evil
President Snow ‘The Sadist King’
Caesar Flickerman
‘The Entertainer’
Cinna The Capitol’s bon-bon
Jacob Crompton-Schreiber & Muneeb Hafiz
30.music
Monday 18 November 2013
The Courier
Music Editors: Kate Bennett and Ian Mason
RAGE
against the
ROUTINE
Our resident grumpy old man Max Palmer-Geaves just doesn’t understand the buzz around Bastille
I
like most things. My iPod contains the likes of Bonobo, Bring Me The Horizon and Joey Bada$$ - but for some reason I can’t understand why everyone raves about Bastille. As far as I can see they are doing nothing new. The singer isn’t that great and has silly hair, they’re nothing particularly special live, and every song appears to revolve solely around drums and ‘ooh aah-ing’, enveloped by cringeworthy synth lines (see ‘Flaws’). This summer I went to Belgium to Rock Werchter, one of the largest festivals in Europe, which features old favourites like Blur and showcases new artists that are sure to massive the following year - so why were Bastille there? More to the point, why are they now massive? Dragged there by my friends who were adamant it would be a good show, I stood crushed in with all the other Bastille fans, an experience I hope never to repeat, and waited patiently for the man with ridiculous hair - which makes him look like a turnip - to arrive onstage. It occurred to me during their set that if you removed them from their festival surroundings and put them on in a pub, it would be shit. I genuinely think that the hype surrounding them has elevated them to heights they wouldn’t have otherwise managed. The pop music industry is clearly now so saturated with dross that a man with a vegetable-based hairdo can make such a name for himself. For me there was no hope when the video for ‘Pompeii’ was released. There is so much joy in seeing Dan Smith awkwardly try to act out some sort of plot in the clip, which is seemingly set in some industrial section of L.A. which has never been used in a video before. Watching him run away from nothing - clearly supposed to be meaningful and give a visual representation of the songs lyrics - just ended up looking like a man possessed, running around on a bad acid trip, alone, in a shithole. Bastille’s single ‘Flaws’ reached a staggering number twenty-one in the UK Top 40, which leads me to believe that I’m just a miserable old fool who’s cripplingly out of touch with the kids. I’m fine with that. It is the way of the world that groups like Bastille will always be hyped up and have success far outweighing what are in my opinion more worthy artists, such as Nicolas Jaar or Mount Kimbie - people who try new things, rather than just regurgitating a variation on a theme and making out that it’s some genius new idea. Who am I kidding - that’s all the music industry is. Maybe Bastille deserve some credit for at least writing their own songs and trying their best. I still think they’re rubbish though.
Salute Little Mix W
inning X Factor doesn’t always do you many favours - so 2011 winners Little Mix have a hard road ahead to prove their credibility as artists. Fortunately, the girls have done a Kelly Clarkson and are starting to shake the stigma with their sophomore effort, Salute. I was hoping for a record filled with pop bangers and the first two tracks do not disappoint. The title track opens the floor, a feminist anthem for teen girls everywhere, and is quickly followed by lead single ‘Move’, a catchy dance number that will have you practising your vocal gymnastics just to sing along. It’s a strong start to the album. Track names ‘Boy’ and ‘About the Boy’ might give you an inkling about the album’s subject matter. Songs about love and girl power are standard girl band fare but despite this, Salute is fairly diverse for a pop record. ‘Nothing Feels Like You’ has a killer drum beat while ‘Towers’ builds into something of an epic Children In Need-style single.
“Think the Spice Girls’ message with the vocal ability of TLC”
‘Little Me’ comes as an interesting surprise, a gorgeous mid-tempo number inspiring their young fans to feel confident. ‘Competition’ and ‘These Four Walls’, meanwhile, are two of the album’s highlights. The former is a high energy number about bickering lovers, which would easily fit in on the Step Up soundtrack. The latter is a pretty ballad featuring stripped back vocals, a piano and a subtle strings section. Only one song on the album was a little bit vomit-inducing, the borderline-emo ballad ‘Good Enough’. You can imagine a thirteen-year-old Di-
rectioner playing it as she scrolls through the Tumblr tag for Harry Styles, tears of black mascara running down her face. The final two tracks are clearly album fillers. They’re a pleasant listen, but ‘Mr Loverboy’ isn’t their best, and while ‘A Different Beat’ brings us back to the album’s theme of saluting the sisterhood, it screams High School Musical. And nothing should scream High School Musical unless Zac Efron is in it. In comparison to their debut, it’s evident the group have grown into their sound. The writing has drastically improved, their music has matured appropriately and Salute feels more put together than DNA did. Vocally, each member of Little Mix shines. Perrie, Jade, Jesy and Leigh-Anne are all great individual vocalists and their solo verses on Salute are no exception, but the real money-maker is when they come together for the choruses or beautiful harmonies. True to their style, the ‘90s/’00s influence is rife, infused with bubblegum pop. Think the message of the Spice Girls crossed with the vocal ability and style of Monica & Brandy, 3LW, En Vogue and TLC. Update the sound by a few years, throw Simon Cowell into the mix and the result is surprisingly brilliant. Little Mix are the best thing to happen to girl bands since Girls Aloud, and Salute will have an army of young fans behind it, ensuring it’s welldeserved chart success. Recommended download: ‘Move’ Elizabeth Atkin
Who Knows Where The Time Goes?
Confection
Sebastien Tellier
F
H
Recommended download: ‘L’Amour Naissant’
Recommended download: ‘Nothing To You’
Jamie Shepherd
Destiny’s Child Survivor
L
ong before Perrie and co were belting out tunes about the importance of the sisterhood, gal group queens Destiny’s Child put out the now-classic R’n’B album Survivor, packed to the hilt with sass and proclamations of independence. Fists in the air, sisters.
Cupid Deluxe
Lilliput
rom France Gall to Daft Punk, there has always been a certain creative je ne sais quoi surrounding French musicians who make it big outside of the Francophone world which us Brits can never quite put our fingers on. This is certainly identifiable in Confection, the latest release from hairy Gallic groovemeister Sebastien Tellier as he takes us on a sweeping cinematic odyssey. Lush strings, dodgy synths, and piano tinkling take you prancing through the backstreets of Montmartre with Audrey Tautou on one arm and Gerard Depardieu on the other, like some fucked up Michel Gondry-directed dream sequence. Although the album suggests a Yann Tiersen soundtrack, there are moments when Tellier’s inimitable brand of cosmic folk-disco slips in amongst the soaring soundscapes, and we are reminded that this could only have been released by France’s greatest Eurovision entry. This is particularly evident in the synthesiser effects of ‘Waltz’, which echoes the disco-porn phase fellow French maverick Serge Gainsbourg went through when he released Sea, Sex and Sun in 1978. While technically a very formidable production, I can’t help but feel that the fact that the album only has one track with lyrics, which also (surprise surprise) happens to be in French. This may result in Confection being deemed that little bit too inaccessible for a substantial amount of casual listeners. I for one see this release as perhaps the beginning of a new era for Tellier and wouldn’t be surprised if Tellier were to take more forays outside of music in the near future.
If you like this, try ...
Blood Orange
aving wowed both fans and critics alike with their single ‘The Dream’, have taken their time and rightly so in putting together what must be regarded as a stunning piece of work in their debut EP, Who Knows Where The Time Goes? Beautifully synchronised Beach Boys-esque harmonies give weight to sixties reminiscent tunes across seven songs that simply must be listened to seamlessly so as to take in the full effect. Vinyl is back in fashion and if ever there was a time to join the hip-crowd then this is it, this album was made to be listened to with the gentle crackle of a needle turning and the melodic sounds of the record shining through. Released through local media-moguls Frankie & The Heartstrings’ independent label Pop Sex Ltd. on the 25th November, Who Knows Where The Time Goes? features the new single ‘Nothing To You’ of which the video recorded in one solitary take you really must take the time to see, and while it pains me to pick a favourite is probably the highlight of the album, albeit ‘Moving Shadows’ comes a very close second. With so much music released at the moment endearing to the sound of The 1975 it’s a pleasant breath of fresh air to hear the influences of The Beatles and The Beach Boys ring throughout the album. For a seven track EP, it’s eighteen minutes of bliss and fantastically lives up to the hype that Lilliput have rightfully built up behind them. They make a cracking cup of coffee in their day job running a cafe in Sunderland too.
C
hief busy bee of indie Dev Hynes releases his second album as Blood Orange, the alt-R’n’B follow-up to his indie-folk outings as Lightspeed Champion - and it’s a gorgeous old hunk of low-key, glossy, world-inflected electro-pop which is crying out to be played in some low-lit studio apartment where everything is covered in leopard print and silver lamé. Since his days as Lightspeed Champion, Hynes has been writing and producing for the likes of Solange Knowles and Sky Ferreira, which has evidently brought his inner alt-pop fiend out from under the furry trapper hat. Cupid Deluxe is every bit as lush and sensuous as its title suggests, all sultry slap bass, crisp funk guitar and jittery marimba that sounds like something Paul Simon would’ve quite happily stuck on Graceland. There are plush synths and woodwind flourishes, afrobeat rhythms and even a couple of retro hip hop numbers, all with a distinctly ‘80s pop slickness. At times Hynes channels the soulful art pop of Bryan Ferry or Talking Heads, at others the disco-inflected R’n’B of Lionel Richie or Chic, though everything is toned down to bedroom-level. It’s a beautifully crafted record, but where it falls down is its general air of cool detachment, the emptiness inside the music’s polished shell. However soulful the crooning male-female harmonies provided by Hynes and Friends’ frontwoman Samantha Urbani, the whole thing feels like a bit of an exercise in production values and nostalgia. Nevertheless, fans of The Weekend and Frank Ocean should lap this right up. Recommended download: ‘You’re Not Good Enough’
Ian Mason
Kate Bennett
The Courier
music.31
Monday 18 November 2013
thecourieronline.co.uk/music c2.music@ncl.ac.uk | @courier_music
SceNE: in crisis?
Legends is closing. Trillians is closing. Everything seems to be closing. Music Editors Kate Bennett and Ian Mason investigate
S
et apart from the rest of the country, over the years Newcastle, Sunderland and the surrounding area have developed a vibrant local music scene, with a tight-knit and creative community of venues, bands, record shops and studios. Over the past couple of months, though, we’ve noticed an increasing number of ventures closing down and shutting their doors – from brand new startups such as Heartattack & Vine, cut down in their infancy, to old faves like Trillian’s rock bar. Probably causing the most upset is the shutdown of Legends nightclub. “As Kurt Corbain [sic] said it’s better to burn out than fade away, and legends [sic] has gone, thank you everyone who partied with us over the years, good luck and goodbye but not farewell.....” announced the venue on its Facebook page, which was promptly swamped with comments of outrage and nostalgia. Local music promoter The Outsider, aka Russell Poad, has also gone under recently, telling us that he “failed financially, as the aim of breaking even wasn’t met. It was never intended to make cash, just to be self funded.” Poad specialized in smaller acts playing smaller venues like the Boiler Shop Steamer, which turned out to be unsustainable – a combination of the economic downturn and a shift in public interest to electronic music, DJ sets and club nights means people are unwilling to shell out even a few quid to go and see a band they hadn’t heard of. Another local promotions company, SSD Concerts, recently pulled all its gigs from the relatively new Warehouse 34 and moved them to the more central Think Tank? and Digital – we don’t know exactly why, but we’d take a punt on Warehouse 34’s isolated position out in Hoult’s Yard being a significant factor. People who are already hesitant to spend money on seeing bands are likely to be further dissuaded if they’ve got to go all the way out to a warehouse somewhere in Byker; we guess SSD aren’t taking any chances for fear that they’ll go the same way as The Outsider. What their decision will mean for Warehouse 34 is uncertain, but it’s hardly a good thing.
Legends
T
he death of Trillians isn’t the only hard hit the Newcastle rock scene has taken, as Legends too has bitten the dust. While its major nights Alpha and Blacklist have moved over to The Den, that leaves punters no longer with a choice, or least not an alternative one. Keep in mind it’s a matter of months since Krash shut its doors and the rock scene is really taking a pummelling in Newcastle. Legends featured both club nights and live events and offered a central alternative to the O2 Academy. Sadly the monopoly the Academy has over the city has gradually chipped away at the bookings Legends has been able to put together, and the listings have diminished from infrequent to almost nonexistent, despite it being in recent enough memory to have had decent sized bands such as Chris Jericho’s Fozzy. Since the death of Rock At The Arena which was for a long time Newcastle’s premier rock night (I
doubt too many students are quite old enough to remember The Mayfair before it!), Legends has offered a nightclub away from the relentless tide of chart remixes and dubstep that saturates the rest of the city’s nightlife. While many would refer to it as ‘a dive’, in many ways its grimy appearance was Legends’ greatest charm. It was all about substance rather than style, and the cheap drinks, large dancefloor and dimly lit corners gave it everything an alternative nightclub could want. Seemingly everything except enough cash coming through to keep it going.
Trillians
T
rillians for as long as most locals can remember was the central hub of the independent scene in Newcastle. Located dead centrally just off Northumberland Street facing the City Library it offered a perfect venue for access and location - and could anything be more better for a rock bar than a dungeon with gargoyles. One of the saddest aspects of Trillians’ death is that it had nothing to do with inactivity, it’s down almost entirely to the failure of its parent company. As a venue it was regularly packed out for bands several nights a week. It covered all aspects of the rock scene and regularly featured local battle of the bands events and high quality tribute acts, but it also featured both national and international acts such as American Head Charge who were booked to play there this week and had to have the gig rearranged to The Cluny after its closure. It wasn’t just the gargoyle décor which gave Trillians’ its rock bar feel, but also its large selection of international drinks and vast array of memorabilia, in particular the glass tables featuring tickets from 20 year old gigs at places such as the Mayfair or the early days of the arena. I wouldn’t go as far as to say Trillians’ was Newcastle’s metal Mecca but it was certainly a shrine to all things that went before it. Trillians’ big advantage over other venues was that it was a bar first and foremost. It wasn’t strictly a venue and gave an alternative to LYH for rock music lovers to frequent before a big night out at or for a weekend afternoon drink. It’s movie afternoons, pub quizzes and general laid-back attitude made it Newcastle’s most popular alternative watering hole and offered a genuine recluse from the bustle of the city and the relentless R’n’B assault of the rest of the city centre. Unsurprisingly, the closure has not been a quiet one. Campaign groups have instantly been set up looking at ways to raise the funds to buy Trillians and save it from what would be a huge shame, its premises being sold to yet another clothing chain store – which, let’s face it, Newcastle already has more than enough of.
Jazz North East
O
ne of Newcastle’s finest features is its diversity in musical accessibility. While musical superstars at the Arena or off the beaten track folk maestros at The Sage may be the kind of things you’re well aware of, Jazz North East may be something you haven’t been quite aware of.
While I’m sure many of you will have seen the Jazz Café on Pink Lane, which has been shut for the best part of a year after Keith ‘Jazz Man’ Crombie unfortunately passed away, but how many of you have really dipped your toes any further into the Jazz scene to take in some of the gigs hosted at venues such as The Cluny, The Bridge Hotel or right here at the University in the Recital Room of the Armstrong Building? Unfortunately while the North East Jazz scene is vibrant, its Arts Council funding has been cut despite having had its backing since 1966. Jazz North East looks to promote all forms of the genre, be it classical, bebop, contemporary or improvised and this ballsy attempt to stay truthful to its roots needs support if it is to survive without funding.
Heartattack & Vine
Singles
club
Adam Pizey has a listen to the week’s singles and finds Pop Music In Need
E
llie Goulding’s Children In Need release ‘How Long Will I Love You’ is everything you’d expect from a charity single, designed to appeal to middle-aged woman who find the idea of Goulding being best mates with the Duke and Duchess of Cambridge all rather cosy, and will happily pick it up whilst on their way around Tesco doing the weekly shop. To be fair, it is being released for charity, so we should expect mass appeal and not exactly cutting edge innovation from Goulding (not that we do usually), but strings? Really? It’s a typical Goulding cover, the same blueprint that we saw with ‘Your Song’ - slow it down and add strings in order to guarantee success and a huge amount of sales, but we can forgive her in the name of charity. Well done Ellie, you’ve taken one for the team.
Cher Lloyd’s ‘I Wish’ is typical of a former X Factor contestant - radio friendly and dull, which is what Lloyd hopes will help her ‘crack’ America. A generic R’n’B beat sits behind Lloyd ‘singing’ about having a ‘butt and a rack’, hardly a good example
“Ellie Goulding takes one for the team”
to set to the depressingly large amount of young girls she is unfortunately a role model to. It’s the kind of music you can imagine being played in McDonalds, making you decide to opt for a takeaway rather sitting in and having to endure it. Essentially, Miss Lloyd, you’re a shit Jessie J, and no one even likes her, let alone you. Stay in America, keep your ‘Swagger Jagger’ and don’t come back to the UK any time soon.
W
hile the attached vintage shop Small Change is staggering on, Heartattack & Vine too has bitten the dust - again down to income just not covering costs. The promotion of local music is admirable and the space was fantastic for putting bands on. It was large and spacious and very accessible to the major student population in Heaton, Jesmond or Sandyford, given it’s close proximity to Manors, but unfortunately promoting local music just generally does not sell enough tickets to cover overheads. I caught several gigs here during its short-lived existence and I must say the bring your own beer policy and vegetarian burger stall endeared itself perfectly to me. The attached vintage shop made going here as middle-class pretentious as could possibly be, but at reasonable prices we could afford to be pretentious, particularly while sipping at a bottle of wine I’d bought round the corner in the supermarket. The size of HA&V meant that if it’d had the financial power to promote and book bands of a reasonable level then it could have made a decent venue of itself. It did everything it possibly could to keep overheads as low as possible but still couldn’t survive, given the ridiculous licensing fees and rent city councils put on art spaces - and that’s before you cover staffing wages and utility bills. This outrageous lack of support for venues means that like numerous small businesses HA&V unfortunately died out before it could even get going. Unless this issue is addressed then local music will continue to lose its workspaces and even more local artists will see their prospects of showcasing their work lost.
Bombay Bicycle Club’s ‘Carry Me’ is the only release of the week that provides some optimism for the future of music, with the single showing the band moving in a more electronic direction under Jack Steadman’s newfound production skills. Inspired by a month-long trip to Mumbai, we can certainly expect “catchy hooks” and an Indian influence on the record, according to Steadman in a recent interview. It is also worth having a look online for the ‘interactive’ video, which is inspired by Eadweard Muybridge, a pioneer in motion-picture projection in the late 1800s.
For gig reviews, interviews and more web features, visit us online at thecourieronline.co.uk/music
32.science
Monday 18 November 2013
The Courier
Science Editor: Elizabeth Hampson Deputy Science Editors: Emad Ahmed and Peter Style
Detangling the rumours of ‘jellyfish soup’ This week Penny Polson looks into the possible reasons behind an explosion in the jellyfish population
A
few years ago, The Daily Mail raved madly that the seas are turning into ‘jellyfish soup’ due to human impacts, such as overfishing and climate change. Does current science support this, or were they just using the saleability of stinging invertebrates to sell more newspapers? Jellyfish are fabulous, gloopy sea creatures composed of over 90% water, in the same taxonomic group as corals and anemones. They use their bell to create propulsion, but overall they have little ability to go against ocean currents. This can lead to huge populations of jellyfish congregating in stable water, clogging fishing nets and nuclear power station coolers, and stinging the odd swimmer. There isn’t much reason to be afraid, as very few
of the 1500 known species of jellyfish deliver stings which are fatal to humans. The limited pool of research on jellyfish blooms suggests there has been a general rise of incidences. Studies throughout a period of time in the Bering Sea showed a general increase in blooms, but after 2000, there was a sudden drop in population again. It is therefore difficult to tell if population blooms are being triggered by environmental change, human-driven causes, or if they are simply fluctuating between multi-decadal cycles. Overfishing may also lead to increased jellyfish occurrence, as fish consume the same planktonic prey as the jellyfish. This means that if there are fewer fish around, there is more prey for the jellyfish to feast upon. The presence of food and energy
has a positive effect on the jellyfish reproduction rates, which can lead to population blooms.
“The human response has included the development of JEROS: Jellyfish Elimination Robotic Swarm” The human response to inconveniently located jellyfish blooms has included the development of
JEROS (Jellyfish Elimination Robotic Swarm), which are released into aggregations of jellyfish and feeds the organisms into a propeller, blending them to a fine pulp. The benefit is that jellyfish mass is reduced to manageable chunks, but some scientists warn that the eggs and sperm contained within them will simply be released post-pulping, which will create a boom in jellyfish population a little way down the line. So, while jellyfish are made of over 90% water, our waterways are not yet made of 90% jellyfish. We can still sleep soundly knowing we won’t be smothered by jellyfish in the middle of the night. But if overfishing and climate change carry on at current rates, who knows what horrors await by the end of tentacles…
Jellyfish Fact File Jellyfish are now found in every ocean across the globe They are thought to have evolved over 650 million years ago There are species of deep ocean, as well as fresh water jellyfish, showing their adaptability and evolutionary range Jellyfish do not have a respiratory system as their skin is thin enough that it enables their body to be sufficiently oxygenated through diffusion The jellyfish body is over 90% water Box jellyfish venom is the most poisonous in the animal kingdom, responsible for nearly 6,000 human deaths since 1950 There are over 1500 known species of jellyfish with a sting fatal to humans Paroxysm
4 things you didn’t know about...
Animals you could own. Not advisable in a student house yet these bizarre pets would make great alternatives to goldfish, Heather Flint gives us the low down on these not so furry friends
Skunk
Mynah bird
Skunks are mostly known for their striking appearance and their pungent defence mechanisms. The striped skunk, Mephitis Mephitis, is the most common domesticated species and can be legally owned in the UK and many US states. However, the Animal Welfare Act in 2003 means that British skunks cannot have their scent glands removed, so the animal still has its stink-bomb potential, leading to declining popularity in the UK. A skunk can be housetrained or taught to walk on a lead, as well as being a fairly sociable animal. Skunks are stubborn though, and prone to stealing items for ‘nests’, as well as demanding attention from their owners at nocturnal hours. They can feed on a variety of foods but are particularly fond of foraging through human rubbish. Skunks are fairly short lived animals, only surviving 2-4 years with their owners. Greg Schechter
The Hill Mynah is a once threatened species which comes from the same order of birds such as robins, sparrows and finches. It is extremely popular as a cage bird in western countries because of its talent for mimicry - only in captivity does it exhibit this behaviour. In the wild, it only has a vocal range of about 15 different calls. But when kept by humans, the bird can imitate human speech and whistled tunes with scary accuracy. One bird in China was removed from its place in the zoo after visitors taught it swear words and it began yelling ‘f**k you’ at the visitors. Mynah birds are not recommended for those living in small flats or apartments, as their shrill voices can be heard very easily through walls. If properly cared for, the birds make very vocal and playful companions and can live in captivity for up to 25 years.
Fennec Fox
Axolotl
Fennecs are the smallest canids on earth, with huge ears suited to their natural habitat of arid deserts. Its ears are used as temperature regulators, as well as giving the ability to hear its prey tunnelling underground. Fennecs are not domesticated animals, and as such are treated with caution in the home, and can be temperamental and highly energetic during the night hours. While they may be compared as a more elegant version of the Chihuahua, fennec foxes have more characteristics of a domesticated cat than dog, with more aloofness and agility than a domesticated dog. They can be fed on normal dog or cat feed, supplemented with mealworms, mice or crickets, and can live for 1216 years in captivity, but must be kept away from any other pets smaller than themselves, as they are likely to revert to their wild ways and eat them.
The slightly creepy but still oddly cute axolotl is an amphibious member of the salamander family. Yet unlike other amphibians, axolotls exhibit a characteristic called neoteny, in which it does not grow and transform the same way a tadpole would to a frog, but stays in it larval form all of its life, and so cannot leave the water. Native only to Mexico, the animal retains its gills and delicate appearance throughout its life, making it a popular exotic pet. Axolotls are an endangered species, but are also highly prized in the scientific community for their regenerative skills. If they lose a leg, tail or scales, they can be grown back. These prehistoric looking animals are also highly sensitive to their environment and tank-mates, and if overcrowding or competition occurs, axolotls can show cannibalistic traits. Otherwise, these otherworldly looking creatures are fairly easy to care for and can live for up to 15 years.
The Courier
science.33
Monday 18 November 2013
thecourieronline.co.uk/science c2.science@ncl.ac.uk | @courier_science
They’re cute, they’re cuddly and they lower cardiovascular disease
When you think about it, spending our time and money on keeping an animal which has no immediate benefits is pretty weird, yet many of us do it. Hannah Goldstein investigates the science behind why we can’t get enough of these cute critters
M
y housemates can vouch for my canine affections. Time and time again, I have asked to have a house puppy. Naturally, the landlord wouldn’t approve, and adding another animal to a house already chocker block full of busy students would ultimately end in disaster. Obviously, I can’t provide for a dog, and can rarely feed my own mouth, let alone another creature’s. So why can’t I shake the desire to share my limited funds with another species? There are measurable health gains attributed to pet ownership, including a lower risk for cardiovascular disease, and relief of stress. Stroking a pet is shown to promote relaxation and the ownership of pets is shown to relieve the strains of modern human life. However, given the very tangible costs that accompany owning a pet, it is often argued that from a Darwinian perspective pet ownership is, in the lightest interpretations, puzzling. More troublingly, when the human - pet relationship is compared to similar dynamics in the animal kingdom, it is most similar to parasitic relationships. It is difficult to show any link between pet ownership and reproductive success, and although it is proven that pets can relieve stress, their ability to manipulate human emotions can simply add to the evidence that pets are parasitic. Pets create affectionate responses in humans that are usually reserved for members of the same species, and in doing so benefit incredibly. We feed and water our pets, we look Tark Siala out for our pets and our pets’
offspring, and we create a relatively predator free environment for these animals to thrive. In return, humans get lower blood pressure. However, to simplify dogs and cats as malicious, parasitic pests would be misguided. While the relationship may be parasitic on an evolutionary level, dogs have been tamed and groomed for life alongside humans by humans themselves, and were put into this parasitic situation voluntarily by the host. Likely, people invite pets into their homes because pets are mammals with recognizable emotions and moods. Dogs become attached to their owners in a similar way that owners become attached to their pets. Having such a positive energy to come home to after a rough day could be reason enough to own a pet. My want of a pet cannot be shaken, and I’m sure that the second I leave University, while others are moving in with boyfriends, I will be purchasing my puppy and forming a family unit of my
own. Evolutionarily irrational, but tell that to the golden ball of fluff curled around your feet on a chilly night.
smlp.co.uk
The body does some strange things when it’s in shock, being able to walk up five flights of stairs with a knife in the head is one of them. Deputy Science Editor Emad Ahmed explains
W
cut or, a knife attack. However, it should be known that these bizarre stories occur more frequently than you think. Earlier this year, Billy McNeely of Canada discovered a 7cm blade still stuck in his back from a fight all the way back in 2010. He told the BBC he was always uncomfortable since the fight took place, and was setting off metal detectors whenever he walked through them. And this was all due to receiving stitches and bandages in the hospital after the stabbing, as doctors did not x-ray him at the time. Another incident this year involved a 39-yearold man from Guangdong, China having a 20” eel weighing 1.3lbs eat into his colon, after he allowed it to enter (you read that correctly – it was all consensual) his body via his anus. The puncturing of his gut caused massive internal bleeding, and the amateur explorer was rushed into emergency to have the eel successfully removed. (In case you wanted to know, the eel survived for a short period after removal.) The only way this ordeal came to light was through the doctor deciding to blog the conclusion of this event. But it doesn’t always have to be this way – sometimes humans can get stuck, rather than having a foreign object take up residence internally. In 2011, factory worker Matthew Lowe from Barnsley was sent through a 5” gap in machinery which, unsurprisingly, gave him serious injuries. According to Sky News, this included “his back broken in two places, his pelvis shattered, both hips and
Video game addiction: fact or fiction?
Currently, the NHS does not provide treatment for video game addiction but in this age of technology should it be recognised? David Leighton gives us his view
A
No more mister knife guy
hat I’m going to describe to you isn’t for the faint-hearted so feel free to read this only if you’re feeling brave and courageous. A man in Jilin, north-east China walked into the local hospital seeking medical help. He calmly walked all the way up to the 5th floor. I know what you’re thinking by now. If he needed medical attention, how did he manage to walk up numerous flights of stairs with a particular medical ailment – what exactly was wrong with him? Oh nothing. He just had a pretty large kitchen knife plunged into his head. Yes, you read that correctly. In fact, he appeared so calm that Chinese web users have named him “Calm Brother”. According to NetEase, the injury occurred accidentally when the gentleman was fooling around with his friends, and the knife. He is reportedly recovering well after receiving treatment, and was possibly in a state of shock. Which of course explains his ability to simply stroll into a hospital and not make a fuss of this everyday situation of a knife protruding from his own skull. Pain is perceived through a set, controlled pathway through the body and the brain. Sensory receptor cells on the surface of the entire skin of our body can detect any pressure changes when contact is made. These special cells create a signal to pass along various messenger cells until it reaches the brain, where we’re able to interpret what exactly is happening, whether it’s a sharp, nasty paper
8-bit 4 life
several ribs fractured and his stomach and bowel ruptured”. Working in a factory has just become scarier than walking through the woods at night. So whatever you do folks, remember to be careful. And don’t play with knives, please?
gfairchild
h, videogames, the big question – can you become “addicted” to videogames, or in fact any other media? This one is definitely a toughy (real word, deal with it) because it is always hard to draw the line between ‘direct influences’ of the media and the individual’s inability to just turn it off. Speaking as a teenager who used to spend nearly every night pulling all-nighters on my Ps2 playing GTA: San Andreas, Spiderman 2 and Need for Speed Most Wanted, to name a few. I was not addicted to any of these games and if I ever commit mass murder, which (whilst living in a country run by Tories) is quite possible, it was not because I played GTA: San Andreas. Addiction and influence are sometimes considered the same thing in this case, which is why it pisses me off so much when the media blame video-games for violence. Put it this way, the media (and government) tell us games like San Andreas cause gun violence. So they try and measure how safe the game is politically and socially. Why the bloody hell don’t they ban the guns?! It’s absolute horse manure. Addiction is real and it’s terrible. The problem with people using the term “video-game addiction” is that it is thrown around far too lightly. Most people aren’t addicted to video-games at all, they’re just not motivated enough to be arsed to turn it off and do stuff that matters. Yet some people are, and it must be terrible for them.
“If a person is addicted to something, the last thing they’d describe it as is ‘enjoyable’”
So, in our techno-savvy age we end up with people saying things like “I’m addicted to chocolate”, or “I’m addicted to video-games” – coincidentally the same type of people I want to punch in the throat – but they are using the term far too lightly. Replace the word “addiction” with the word “enjoyment”, because there lies the key difference; as a general rule if a person is addicted to something, the last thing they would describe it as is “enjoyable”. To any of you who do suffer an addiction, I hope the world becomes rainbows and sunshine for you very soon. To those who don’t, turn it off, get some work done. It isn’t an addiction because you still can, you just don’t want to.
The Courier
35.puzzles
Monday 18 November 2013
Puzzles Don’t change the dizzle, turn it up a lizzle, we got a quiz page full of fine dime quizzles. Hand in your answers at The Courier office to have a chance of winning drizzles at MensBar
Crossword 3 6
4
Grandma’s Pictionary I sat down with Grandma for a game of pictionary, but she’s just not very good, bless her. Can you help me figure out which classic film she’s trying to draw?
5
7 8 9
Sudoku
10 11
12
13
14
18
Win a MensBar voucher
2
1
15
Puzzles Editors: Tom Nicholson and Sam Summers
17
16
19
20
21
Across
1 An absurdly powerful line of water pistols, promoted by a bellowing drill sergeant (11) 4 Shakespearean king with parenting problems (4) 6 A popular music streaming service (7) 8 What Beyoncé might ring if she saw another chick on your arm(5) 9 A shade of blue used alongside yellow and magenta in colour printing (4) 11 Thriller starring Morgan Freeman (5) 15 The oldest name of the island of Great Britain, and a single by Babyshambles(6) 17 Transylvanian tyrant known for impaling dudes (4) 18 A scouse TV presenter who likes to have a ‘lorra lorra laughs’ (5) 20 An unsavory, drunken fellow (3) 21 What one might get in exchange for tit (3)
The first person to bring the completed puzzles to The Courier office in the Students’ Union will be awarded the prize and the respect of their peers, which let’s be honest is priceless
5 1 9
Down
1 A biblical strongman and feline SAFC mascot (6) 2 Bucket hatted Stone Roses drummer (4) 3 Ancient civilisation who incorrectly predicted the apocalypse (5) 4 17-year-old singer who, by her own admission, will never be royal (5) 5 Infuriating plastic cuboid (6, 4) 7 R&B group known for their extreme aversion to scrubs (3) 10 Popular acronym meaning carpe diem (4) 12 A fox-like pokémon with a range of possible evolutions (5) 13 Enid Blyton’s little wooden motorist (5) 14 What Bruce Springsteen or Lady Gaga might do in the dark (5) 16 A bo stored in the gallbladder (4) 19 An icon found in every email adress (2)
7 6 9 2
8 9 1 6 5 7 2 8 1 3 6 7
3 7 8 9
9
9 2 1 1 7 4
Oh, Smiggsy!
36.sportfeatures
Monday 18 November 2013
The Courier
Ashes nightwatchmen
With the Ashes set to start this week at an ungodly hour,The Courier takes a look at the experience of viewing a sporting event from 9500 miles away
TMS: “A merry band of mavericks” Jonty Mawer
Staying up for the Ashes is something that will require steadfast dedication and a willingness to pay attention, deep into the long winter nights. It is not something that should be taken on likely. Therefore, for this year’s Ashes, I shall be relying on a stalwart of English broadcasting, the final bastion between slumber and sporting immortality: BBC Test Match Special. Now, as I can imagine, many of you will not be entirely enthused by the notion of hours and hours of radio broadcasting, of the voices of dreary old men, describing tireless inactivity without any regard for any sort of japery or banter. But fear not, for out of the darkness that may have been previous cricket broadcasts on BBC Radio, there has come a great light, a band of hitherto unseen saviors who could banish said dreariness forever. Messieurs Flintoff, Vaughn, Tuffnel, Boycott, Agnew and co. seem set to defy the odds and make listening to cricket an almost riveting prospect. One could only marvel at the prospect of this group of patriotic, cricket-loving crocks, commentating, laughing, joking, enjoying every second of the cricket they’re watching, and the cricket we’re listening to them watch. Mouthwatering, is it not?. For those who still, even after this rather illustrious introduction, are struggling to place their faith in this merry band of mavericks, there is one crucial element of this broadcasting team that I am yet to mention. That key aspect, that irrevocable factor, can be
summed up in one simple word, and that word is; Australians. Yes, finally, it seems, our commentators have some worthy adversaries. Glenn McGrath, the legendary Australian bowler turned pundit has joined the team as well as the remarkably less legendary batsmen come Channel 5 highlights show wannabe, Damien Martyn. They both bring very different character traits to the fore; McGrath, a vocal, talismanic figure who was the leader of a ferocious bowling attack that made Australia so dominant at the turn of the Millennium, is sure to have a great deal to say about this upcoming series. Martyn, an arguably less vocal, less talented and probably even less talismanic figure, will probably have comparatively little to say though I’m sure will provide ample use for target practice by the razor sharp English contingent, mirroring his performance in the 2005 Ashes Series (entirely irrelevant, for those who don’t know). All in all, this winter series has a lot going in its favor. On one hand, we have England seeking to re-assert both their sporting and, if we’re being brutally honest, colonial dominance whilst on the other, we see the Australians, clamoring for a lifeline that will release them from their state of national sporting mediocrity. With all this to look forward to, one needs to be sure that they can rely on something that will maintain their focus and keep them enthused; that, my friends, is BBC Test Match Special. Enjoy.
Tuffers and Aggers having a breather from hosting TMS Photography: Getty
“It’s our duty to stay up and feel a part of the moment” Tom Nicholson The travails of following the Ashes are, at times, roughly analogous to those of a county-level part-time spinner thrown on to hold up one end of a pancake-flat wicket with the score at 200 for 0. There is the entirely understandable and frequently overwhelming urge to say, “Sod this, I’m off for a snooze at third man” and just jack the whole thing in. However, it’s tempered by the urge to persevere in the faint hope that maybe the next ball will be the one that just drifts a little further, just skips through a bit quicker, just grips in the pitch and tickles the outside of the off stump. While we as spectators from the other hemisphere have about the same chance of influencing the outcome of the Ashes as that county-level part-timer, it’s our duty to at least try to feel part of the moment. That moment might be ecstatic (Aus-
tralia being rattled out for 98 before tea in Melbourne) or brain-breakingly miserable (Peter Siddle’s hat-trick on the opening day of the series at the Gabba), but it’s important to be able to nod at other similarly haggard-looking people and know exactly what they’re going through. While it’s almost impossible to follow every ball and maintain anything resembling a normal social life (during the last Australian Ashes series I sacked off a date, citing tonsillitis – I had in fact stayed up listening to Pietersen’s majestic double-hundred at Adelaide and later fallen asleep in a toilet cubicle in the library), there are ways around it. It’s easy enough to follow the morning session until lunch at 2am, then swap to Test Match Special for genial chit-chat and bluster before drifting off at 4am or so.
Even if you’ve got a 9am seminar, that’s doable. Margaret Thatcher lived on 4 hours’ sleep a night, and she got enough done to earn her place on commemorative crockery sets sold in the Daily Express. What a legacy. If the Aussies get the upper hand there is also, of course, the get-out of simply going to sleep and waiting for the whole thing to blow over. This course of action isn’t without its flaws, though. If you drift off with TMS still on, events on the field can seep into your head. Characters in your dreams will suddenly bellow, “Aw g’bowling, Mitch,” or else you’ll have that dream where you run but don’t move with the addition of Geoffrey Boycott shouting, “WORRA BLOODY STUPID SHOT” from somewhere behind you. Be careful.
“Substitute the giant picture of a Big Mac with a portrait of W.G.Grace”: 5 ways of staying up for the Ashes Freddie Caldwell 1) LIBRARY One of the best ways to justify spending a whole evening in the company of Boycott and co. is to attempt to combine it with work. As well as allowing you to feel better about your imminent deadlines, this approach has the added benefit of allowing you to meet fellow like-minded souls, as fellow cricket fans/procrastinators are likely to gravitate towards each other. Be warned though, not everyone residing in the library at 3am will be willing to discuss the swing dynamics of the Kookaburra ball as opposed to the Duke, so make sure you choose your conversations wisely.
2) SNACKS Fast food is your friend: the lunch break provides the perfect 40-minute interlude for walking to a 24-hour McDonalds and replenishing your dwindling energy supplies. What’s more, you can imagine that the Northumberland Street store is like the Long Room at Lords; simply substitute the giant picture of a Big Mac with a portrait of W. G. Grace.
3) VIDEO GAMES 4) CAFFEINE Listening to the action on the radio provides a valuable opportunity for multi-tasking; why not indulge yourself in an Ashes-themed game of Stick Cricket? If this sounds like too much of a cricketing overload then perhaps opt for a relaxing game of Football Manager – five tests should allow you more than enough time to lead Havant and Waterlooville to Champions League glory.
Sometimes the old methods are the best; there is nothing wrong with treating your cricketing vigil like a conventional essay deadline, this just has more riding on it. Regular cups of coffee or the occasional Red Bull should be more than enough to get you through to the end of play. This method may lead to the occasional emotional break down/ heart attack in a 9am seminar but this can always be explained away by muttering “coursework hand-in” or something of that nature.
5) ALCOHOLISM There may come a time when a stronger drug than caffeine is required, after all the combination of cricket and heavy drinking is a longstanding tradition. To spice things up a bit, why not make a game of it – the internet already has many suggestions on this front; an evening spent drinking every time Blowers mentions buses, pigeons or cakes will be enough to reduce even a Sinners veteran to a quivering wreck. All illustrations by Hannah Hunter
The Courier
intramuralsport.37
Monday 18 November 2013
All bread, no filling for Sandwich FC Division Three South Sandwich
2
Olsen 2, Leonard 47
Buckminster
2
Tina 33, Jobe (pen) 78
By Nick Gabriel in Longbenton
Scowscroft Burr
Carruthers
Smyth
Smith
Richardson Haresnape
Barron
Ramsey
Olsen
Leonard
Philippe
Jobe
Boon
Birkhead
Robertson
Henderson
Targett
Dina
Taylor
Sortorou
Nyamush
Last Wednesday a spirited Buckminster Fullerenes outfit twice came from behind to secure a hard-earned point, their first of the season, against Division Three rivals South Sandwich in Longbenton. In a frantically paced affair, Sandwich forward Sam Olsen gave his side the lead in the opening minute, prior to Buckminster winger Tayo Dina leveling the scores midway through the first period. Sandwich then regained the ascendency through Jerome Leonard’s
early second half goal, only for Andrew Jobe to net coolly from the penalty spot late on to ensure that the spoils were ultimately shared. Buckminster came into the contest rooted to the foot of the table having been soundly beaten in their opening four games. South Sandwich meanwhile had enjoyed a much more prosperous start to the campaign, sitting comfortably in mid-table on six points. It came as little surprise therefore when Sandwich scored the game’s opening goal with just two minutes played. A lack of pressure on the ball from the Buckminster midfield gifted Sandwich playmaker Matt Ramsey far too much time to pick his pass 30 yards out. As a consequence he was able to play a perfectly weighted knock into the path of Olsen, who proceeded to show great composure in calmly tucking the ball into the corner of the net past the onrushing keeper. It was the South Sandwich outfit who subsequently continued to show the greater impetus and desire to play at an accelerated rate following the goal. However in spite of this, they were unsuccessful in fashioning much more than the occasional half-chance. True to the old cliché of Intra Mural football unpredictability, they were soon punished for not making this initial period of dominance count for more than a solitary goal advantage when, inexplicably, Fullerenes drew themselves level. Sandwich head coach Tom Renwick will have every right to be furious with the manner in which his side surrendered their lead. A costly lapse in concentration from his back four saw them fail to deal with an aimless punt upfield from Buckminster’s keeper. The lively Dina was alive to the opening, nipping in to steal the bouncing ball from under the noses of the complacent defence before showing great composure to round the advancing Richard Scowscroft and roll the ball into the empty net. The scoring of an unexpected equaliser stirred Buckminster into life, effectively giving them a foothold in the game as they finally began to muster
South Sandwich’s Sam Olsen prepares to take on his man Photography: Nick Gabriel
some decent openings. First, skipper Thomas Targett saw his long-range effort fumbled nervously round the post. With the ensuing corner only halfcleared, Dom Philippe’s hooked goalbound effort was well gathered by Scowscroft under a significant amount of pressure from a ruck of both white and blue shirted bodies. Minutes later, Scowscroft was forced into action again. On this occasion, a neat cutback from Dina was met by a late run into the box by Targett. His goalbound effort was then acrobatically tipped over the bar by the inspired Sandwich keeper, who’s fleet-footed movement across the goal was reminiscent of that Gordon Banks save against Pelé in the 1970 World Cup. As the game became increasingly stretched, Sandwich had a number of chances of their own. With the first half drawing to a close they were twice denied by the woodwork, as volleyed efforts from both Olsen and Ramsey came back off the post and bar respectively. Clearly stung by a rousing half-time
team talk, Sandwich came out all guns blazing at the start of the second half. They were rewarded for their effort when, after 47 minutes, they retook the lead. On this occasion, Leonard exhibited great creativity in the box, cleverly turning his man before steering a neat finish into the bottom corner. Sandwich continued to dominate proceedings, and came close to extending their lead soon after. On this occasion, Ramsey’s long-range effort was narrowly tipped round the post by the Buckminster ‘keeper. Half-time had seemingly come at the worst possible time for Buckminster, as they struggled to reassert themselves in the contest following the change of ends. However, the introduction of Jack Wheatley off the bench changed all this. The young striker’s entrance into proceedings seemed to galvanize the increasingly leggy-looking Buckminster outfit, adding a renewed sense of energy and vigour to the Engineers’ frontline. Within minutes of coming on, Wheatley was clattered inside the area by
retreating Sandwich midfielder Luke Richardson to earn his side a penalty. Skipper Andrew Jobe coolly dispatched the spot-kick to bring his side level once more. The rest of the game was played out in frantic fashion, with both sides having a number of opportunities to win it. It was Buckminster who came closest however, when a flighted free-kick into the box from Jobe was met by centrehalf Jack Roberton, who’s side-footed volley went narrowly wide. Overall it was a contest that both sides could make a case that they deserved to win, but ultimately a draw was probably just about the fair result. The 2-2 scoreline sees Buckminster pick up their first point of the season, and they will undoubtedly be eager to build upon this gutsy display in the forthcoming weeks. Sandwich meanwhile will arguably see this result as two points dropped, and will be desperate to make amends when they face league high-flyers Politic Thistle later this week.
Dynamos good for a point versus Ladz Division Two S.S. Ladzio
1
Brooke 35
Newcastle Dynamos 1 Cohen 55
By Dom Brooke and Dan Skyte in Longbenton
Off the back of 4 consecutive league defeats, Wednesday’s encounter with S.S. Ladzio was an important fixture for Dynamos in order to get their season back on track. Ladzio took control of the game early on and dominated possession but struggled to create any clear cut chances. Much of the game took place in Dynamos’ territory, but the pace of striker Graham Cunningham provided an attacking outlet for the struggling side. The game continued in this vein until midway through the second half when buccaneering Ladzio midfielder Ben
Milner marauded down the right hand side before cutting the ball back onto the right foot of Dom Brooke. What followed was nothing short of magical, with the midfielder exquisitely curling the ball into the far corner from the edge of the area. The goal was followed by sustained Ladzio pressure but the blue boys failed to cement their lead and went into the break with a precarious one goal advantage. Dynamos captain Liam Kirrane ditched his typical northern drone in order to give an uncharacteristically
rousing team talk which galvanised his side. Dynamos seemed a much changed outfit in the second half and their hard work was rewarded early on in the second half. After a soft free kick was awarded just inside the Ladzio half, the failure to deal with the resulting long ball presented Alex Cohen with a chance at the back post, which he duly powered home. From there, the game became very stretched with chances at both ends but neither side could capitalise and the game ended in 1-1 draw. Special mention goes to Ladzio veter-
an Matt Mahatme whose late introduction was met with rapturous applause from the Ladzio faithful in acknowledgment of the player’s commitment to the club in his final game. Whilst his excessively garish boots may be firmly hung up, he will stay on the books in a backroom role as ‘club promo w*****’. After the game, Dynamos midfielder Alex Cohen was quoted as saying “to be honest, it is just magnificent to steal a point off a team of Ladzio’s calibre, but it is just testament to the character of us as a team. It’s onwards and upwards from here, hooray for Dynamos.”
League Tables
Wednesday 11 a-side Football Division 1 1
Division 13
Division 2
Team
Pld
W
D
L
F
A
Pts
Team
Pld
W
D
L
F
A
Pts
Newcastle Medics 1sts
4
4
0
0
22
4
12 1
Boca Seniors
4
4
0
0
10
2
12
1
Division 41
Team
Pld
W
D
L
F
A
Pts
Pld Pld WW
DD
LL
FC Bayern Toonich
5
4
1
0
13
7
13
1 1 Sons of Law Pitches Barca Na
Team Team
5 12
39
11
1 2 2050 7 15 10 28
F F AA
Pts Pts
2
Newcastle Medics 2nds
4
3
1
0
13
5
10 2
Roman Villa
4
3
0
1
9
6
9
2
Politic Thistle
5
3
2
0
19
6
11
2 2 Newhist FC Medics 1sts Newcastle
5 12
28
32
0 2 1736 8 20
926
3
Dyslexic Untied
4
2
0
2
10
11
6
S.S. Ladzio
5
2
2
1
7
6
8
3
Sub-Standard Liege
4
2
1
1
10
7
7
3 3 KFC Henderson Hall
5 12
27
31
0 4 1141 5 29
922
4
Ecosoccer
5
1
1
3
11
14
4
7
4
South Sandwich FC
5
2
1
1
10
7
7
Dyslexic Untied 4 4 We Need to Talk About Kevin 4 12
26
11
1 5 8 32 6 26
719
5
Barca-Law-Na
3
1
1
1
8
11
4
5
Castle Leazes
4
1
0
3
8
9
3
5
Thundercats
4
1
0
3
10
15
3
5 5 FCCrayola Twente Bag
5 12
15
10
3 7 1118 1522
415
6
Henderson Hall
4
0
2
2
3
7
2
6
Brown Magic F.C
4
1
0
3
5
7
3
6
Newcastle Agrics FC
4
1
0
3
10
15
3
6 (R) Geogsoc Aftermath
4 12
13
00
3 9 3 14 2147
39
7
Larrikins
4
0
1
3
4
19
1
7
Newcastle Dynamos
5
0
1
4
5
16
1
7
Buckminster Fullerenes
5
0
1
4
5
15
1
7 (R) Borussia Mochenflapjack Castle Leazes
4 12
01
11
3 10 8 12 1642
14
3 4
Aftermath F.C
4
2
1
1
9
7
38.sportbucs
Monday 18 November 2013
The Courier
3rd XV convincing in Cup clash Men’s Rugby Union Newcastle 3rds
31
York St. John
0
By Jonty Mawer at Heaton With the First XV out of action this week and the 2nd team playing away, our focus shifts toward the less publicized 3rd XV who came out as strong winners against York St John’s in a BUCS Cup fixture. The result never really seemed in doubt, with Newcastle finishing as clear victors. Nonetheless, it was a game filled with immense physicality and played at a fast and furious pace. From the outset, Newcastle embodied an image of stern confidence: during their warm up they looked prepared, well drilled and eager to get the game going.
it was Newcastle who took the early initiative, immediately progressing to St John’s 22 and readying themselves for an impending score. They probed emphatically, searching for gaps in order to strike the first blow. Unfortunately Newcastle, though they had the majority of the possession, were at times wasteful in terms of their opportunities. Despite St John’s spirited defense, Newcastle clearly posed a far superior attacking threat yet infringements at the ruck and simple handling errors on the York 5 meter line meant that scoring chances were neglected. However this did allow both teams to assess each other fully in the set piece, an aspect that seemed to dominate the early exchanges with both packs attempting to gain the upper hand. Inevitably, however, after a number of phases and exploits into the 22, a clean break made by the Newcastle back three eventually culminated in a try for the home side by Outside Centre Alex Metcalf by the corner flag. With the tricky conversion unfortunately going wide, Newcastle had finally amassed a five-point lead giving them some impetus as they entered into the final period of the first half.
The dynamism of Newcastle’s forwards was a key factor with players like Laurence Brown and Mark Cox stretching their legs in attack York St John’s, in contrast, seemed almost lacklustre in their preparations and generally did not seem ready or enthusiastic for the task in hand. At the start of the match, unsurprisingly,
Unsurprisingly, Newcastle, soon after their initial score, were able to craft another from very similar means; with sustained pressure inside the St John’s 22, allowing them to move them from
Newcastle 3rds in action against York St. Johns Photography: Jonty Mawer right to left, finally leading to yet another score for Centre Alex Metcalf. Newcastle, now up by 10 points, were playing with the kind of precision of which they are capable. The subsequent try by Fullback Ben Nichols was one which exemplified this renewed approach; after a slicing break by Number 10 Chucky Ramsey and a few rounds of phase play, Nichols was able to run in a score under the sticks which furthered Newcastle’s lead. With the conversion completed, Newcastle seemed set for a second half disemboweling of their opponents. Newcastle, it appeared, were in complete control of the game. St John’s on the other hand were tired and in effective, generally looking like a team who was already beaten. It would only take a
few early scores after the break for Newcastle to be out of sight. Astoundingly however, St John’s seemed to exhibit an hitherto unseen resilience after coming out after the break, although every attacking opportunity was stalled by Newcastle’s ‘red fury’ Matthew Waugh. Despite having very little possession and almost no scoring chances whatsoever, York managed to hold Newcastle for almost the entirety of the second half without a point being conceded. It was a truly astonishing effort by the visitors. Despite this immense character being shown by the defending team, Newcastle incrementally started to edge their way back into the drivers seat. The dynamism of Newcastle’s forwards was a
key factor with players like Laurence Brown and Mark Cox stretching their legs in attack. The introduction of Sam Durance and Michael Ogunjobi into the back row also provided an extra assertiveness with ball in hand which eventually and somewhat expected resulted in a brace of tries to finish off the game with a score of 31-0 to the home side. Ultimately, this was not a fixture that really tested Newcastle as they were evidently the far stronger team. However, due to the nature of cup knockout competitions, this unequivocal victory allows the 3rds to progress to the next stage of the contest, with confidence levels at sky high. Man of the Match: Matt Waugh
Newcastle spike Sunderland Men’s Volleyball Newcastle 1sts
3
Sunderland 1sts
0
By Peter Georgiev
The Tyne-Wear derby may look like a clash of titans when it comes to a football match, but it surely isn’t one on the volleyball field. Newcastle University’s players proved that by scorching to an emphatic 3-0 (25-23, 25-13, 25-12) victory against Sunderland on Wednesday evening. Whilst being hailed by their lovely fans, Newcastle showed some signs of hesitation in the first set, but choked the
guests’ ambitions for success afterwards. In the beginning of the match, Sunderland pushed the score line to 0-4 in their favour, but then were taught a valuable lesson by Attila Berndt. Newcastle’s best spiker served six times in a row to give his team a 6-4 advantage. Then Newcastle demonstrated exceptional play in defence, as Gian Montevecchi and the captain Al-Shafai, were
simply untouchable. Yoshitomo Iriguchi delivered a couple of amazing balls to his teammates to send the Geordies in front 16-10. But a unexpected loss of concentration gave Sunderland the chance to jump back into the game with a 16-16 equalizer. Before the derby, the guests sat at the bottom of the league with a 0-3 record and were determined to put smiles on their faces with a first win. However, they surprised even themselves, after scoring four points to near-
Numerous float serves confused the guests, whose coach Jack Deaton called for another timeout. Soon after, the crowd witnessed the highlight of the match, as great endeavour from both teams produced the longest rally, with clinical Newcastle coming out victorious to push the score line to 13-6. The Geordies’ efficiency compelled their enemies, who were helplessly watching the ball being smashed on the ground for a 25th point and a 2-0 overall result.
Great endeavour from both teams led to the game’s longest rally, with Newcastle eventually coming out victorious
Newcastle volleyballers in action against Sunderland Photography: Peter Georgiev
ly secure the first set 19-23. Shocked, Newcastle took their second time out, searching for an answer, and whatever Attila Berndt told his lads during the break certainly gave them the encouragement they needed The hosts pulled the rabbit out of the hat, achieving a tremendous comeback for a 25-23 turnaround and were again on the road to victory. Sunderland were in serious trouble, after letting the first set slip so easily. On the other hand, Newcastle boosted their self-confidence and took a quick 6-1 lead in the second one.
It took Newcastle just 32 minutes to send the match into its third set, which seemed a lot more intense with a 6-6 on the board after the first rallies. However, a dreadful attempt for a pipe attack from Sunderland revealed another psychological breakdown, which allowed their opponents to get a 12-6 edge. A blast from Berndt echoed through the Hall and the end was near. As the fans were chanting, Gian Montevecchi scored his first and only this ace in this match and Newcastle needed just three more rallies to take it all – 2512, 3-0 and bedtime for Sunderland.
The Courier
sportbucs.39
Monday 18 November 2013
Posh leave Poly pleading Men’s Football Newcastle 2nds
5
Northumbria 3rds
3
By Jonathan Randles at Longbenton Another emphatic clash between old rivals Newcastle and Northumbria took place at Longbenton on Wednesday. With a mixed bag of results this season, the 2nds were keen to keep their goal tally rising following three away goals against York St. John the week before. Eventual man of the match Rob Winrow personified the energy encompassed in the team as they opened proceedings against their local rivals. A forward run through the middle of the field by Winrow left the Poly’s defensive line scrambling to dismiss the first attack. Although unrewarded for his efforts, the opening five minutes showed Northumbria that Newcastle were ready to take the three points. As the first half got heated, play down the wings from Spencer and Beahon kept Newcastle going forward – press-
and dispelled a scoring opportunity by the Northumbria attackers. First blood went to Newcastle after 20 minutes. A ball played out from a turned over Northumbria attack saw Danny Knowles take advantage and place the perfect pass to the boots of Jonathon Randles, who sent Michael Spencer weaving through the field and to the edge of the box. He first attempt was charged down by the Poly back four, but he tried once more, this time calmly slotting the ball into the back of the net and celebrating like the free man he now is. With pressure relieved marginally, Newcastle cruised - maintaining possession for the next ten minutes. With a flurry of attacking opportunities created by Winrow and Wilcox, Northumbria were lucky their back line were the strongest players on the field. Chris Burt took advantage of Northumbria’s errors and charged forward to the edge of the Poly’s box. His sharp skills left the defense stunned, and he made it two nil with a powerful low shot. With the final crucial five minutes of the half, Northumbria took advantage of a tired Newcastle midfield when a goal kick by Ardash fell to the feet of the Poly centre back. A long ball was played upfield and onto the head of a visiting forward, who nodded it home. With the half time whistle blarring, it was too close to call at 2-1. The second half opened with an in-
Newcastle looked comfortable as they oozed confidence when passing the ball around the opposition ing hard on the Northumbria back line. Northumbria started aggressively and retaliated with force against the startled Newcastle defense. Caught unawares by the Poly push, a series of nervous clearances allowed Northumbria to dominate. Whybrow remained resilient however,
spired tactical decision - a change in the positions of Randles and Spencer. A corner for Newcastle saw Beahon contest a header and cause chaos for the Poly as they chased to clear the ball. Moments later Winrow took himself on a mazy run down the right resulting in a free kick in a promising position to the
Jonathan Randles launches an attack against Northumbria Photography: NUMFC
right of the box. The lack of a defensive wall allowed Randles to drive a fierce ball across the goal face, and to the head of a Northumbria defender who found the back of his own net. At 3-1, Northumbria were down but not out. They followed their own goal up with a second successful attacking phase. A header from the Poly midfield soared over the heads of the Newcastle defense. A high attacker managed to get a toe to it and left Adarsh no chance of maintaining the two-goal deficit. Newcastle retaliated and went on the attack. Knowles continued pushing his team forward and spent the remaining 30 minutes on the half way line, sending Newcastle forward. Beahon maintained the team’s composure and a sturdy defense, easily dismissing any Northumbria breaks that caught out Newcastle.
Newcastle 2nds
127
Northumbria 1sts
103
By George Flewitt
Tough test for table tennis
Last Wednesday, Newcastle’s table tennis first team endured a torrid time against a high quality Sheffield team. Matt Stephens, Marios Kypridemos, Stephen Baxendale and Antonis Kypridemos (picture above) make up the Newcastle outfit. However, they could only manage a handful of wins against their high class
opponents, eventually going down 14-3 at the Sports Centre. It has been a tough season so far for Newcastle who are winless in the Northern 1A Division after three games. They will undoubtedly be hoping for a chance of fortunes against a Manchester 2nd team next week who are also without a win thus far this season.
this time – who had followed his team forward for one more attack. Rylance received the ball in the 6 yard box, took one look up to survey his options, before tapping home into the bottom corner of the net. With moments before the final whistle, Newcastle looked nervy. Credit to Harrison, who along with the help of Whybrow, made tackle after tackle to keep the poly at bay. Despite conceding a nervous goal, Uni battled to the end to record another impressive victory. With a tough Durham clash looming next week, they will hope to maintain a high paced start for the duration of the ninety minutes and win the three points. Following the change in formation, this could be the start of a promotion push for new look Newcastle.
the visitors however, as the Newcastle foil team made quick work of dispatching their opponents with a relaxed, carefree style, epitomised by Nick ‘the Italian stallion’ Favero who barely broke sweat in securing yet another man of the match award. Newcastle sealed a crushing victory in the weapon by 45 to 11. Epee however was to be a significantly more tense affair. Newcastle got off to a good start, taking an early lead but Northumbria struck back and the two sides traded blows as Newcastle sustained a few setbacks; most notably a yellow card for one fencer turning his back on his opponent as he thought the point was won, only to see no light appear on the score box. As the weapon drew to a close, Newcastle were stung further as Grant ‘babyface’ Turnbull was punished for his often aggressive, swashbuckling style when he suffered an injury to a particularly painful area. As onlookers mused over the Poly fencer’s ability to hit such a small target, the remaining Newcastle epee team vowed to exert vengeance and some strong fencing secured the epee win, 45-43.
With an overall lead of 36, Newcastle only needed to score 13 hits in the final weapon, Sabre, in order to claim victory. Northumbria, seemingly unaware of the hopelessness of their position went about their task like a team possessed, fencing with determination and hostility (though not with even nearly enough skill to turn the match around). Blades and personalities clashed in equal measure as Northumbria’s disgruntled sabre team turned the air blue in frustration at their plight. The cool heads among the Newcastle ranks were unperturbed by the malevolence of their neighbours, showing their character and expertise to regain the momentum after Northumbria’s surge at the start of Sabre which eventually ended 37-45, enough for an overall victory of 127-103. Northumbria retreated across town with their tails between their legs, refusing all friendly offers of refreshment. Meanwhile, the Newcastle 2nd team celebrated their massive triumph and pondered the prospect of Stan Calvert, when Northumbria would have to face Newcastle’s 1st team in a match which promises much in the way of entertainment.
Fencers foil Poly Men’s Fencing
Antonis Kypridemos in action Photography: Akshat Akarsh
Burt held his centre position characteristically with class - ensuring the pivot was effective in spreading the ball out wide. Following an impressive run forward at the defense, Winrow was fouled on the edge of the box. It was time for Randles to step up. A quick finish caught the poly off guard as he clocked up his fourth goal in two games. A three-goal lead was detrimental to Newcastle as they stepped off the boil and allowed Northumbria to score. Their second goal came as a result of intense pressure and long balls peppering the defense. Winrow kept up his determined start and sought to tease the Poly again. A solo attempt at the Poly back line left him dispelled of possession but not disheartened. As he ran forwards, he found Rylance
The Newcastle Fencing Mens’ 2nd team faced Northumbria in a critical match, not only because of local rivalry but also as it came at a crucial point in the season. The team were looking to put some unfortunate early season results behind them and build on their victory over Sheffield in their last home match. Motivation escalated heading into this vital encounter, with everyone aware of what was at stake both in terms of points and local bragging rights. Newcastle got off to a poor start; losing the toss and therefore having to accept Northumbria’s choice of weapon order, which differed greatly from their own. It was to be a short-lived success for
Sport
www.thecourieronline.co.uk Monday 18 November 2013 Issue 1280 Free
thecourieronline.co.uk/sport
Sports Editors: Nick Gabriel, Freddie Caldwell and Fran Fitzsimmons courier.sport@ncl.ac.uk | @Courier_Sport
ASHES TO BUCKMINSTER FULLURENES BOND WELL - p.37 ASHES Burning the midnight linseed oil p.36
Photography: Getty Images
DERBY DEMOLITION Tayo Dina of Buckminster puts in a lunging challenge on Sandwich FC winger Jake Haresnape Photography: Nick Gabriel
Heartbreak for netballers Netball
Northumbria 1sts
38
Newcastle 1sts
37
By Sassa Hamilton at Sport Central As expected, finding the way through the smoke and flames and getting to Sports Central is always the first challenge. This was a crunch match; a bottom of the table match-up, and with rising abuse from Northumbria on twitter, anxiety was rising to Stan Calvert levels. The firsts warmed up well, and the seats filled up with spectators keen for the contest ahead. Nevertheless, the starting seven looked calm and ready to fight their little hearts out. As the whistle blew to start the game, the volume in the stadium rose and Newcastle made the 1st interception of the match. This was swiftly converted by Louisa Sorensen and at this point she realised the elbows of the huge Northumbria GK would be surgically attached to the middle of her back with the in-
tention of jabbing and jabbing away all game, whether she was near the ball or not. Fortunately for Northumbria the classic technique of the ‘blind eye’ by the dubious Northumbria umpire came in handy throughout the match. The first quarter rumbled on, and with some great work down court by Alice Hagyard and playmaker Katie Rimmer, Newcastle took the lead by 3 goals by the time the first 15 minutes were up. As time in the 2nd quarter ticked over, the Northumbria attacking pair got their eyes for goal in.
defensive end, Mia Archer and Helen Jones were doing all they could to pick off loose balls, and tip away balls from their unusually red but talented GA. Still no one could sneak ahead, with each interception matched back straight away by the other team. As the 4th quarter dawned upon the now packed stadium, both teams knew it was make or break. With 8 minutes to go, Northumbria made a vital turnover and then converted their own centre pass, putting themselves two goals into the lead.
Goal was matched for goal, and the realisation that this wasn’t going to be an easy match by any means flooded over Sports Central. As half time came upon us, the atmosphere in the air tightened. At 1818, everything was all to fight for, and with only 30 minutes left, the pace was stepped up. A traditional Northumbria technique came out to play, with elbows and as much pushing as they could get away with in their defensive circle. At our
Mia Archer caught the ball in the centre third, and the aggressive WA ran into her making her stumble. Instead of a foul being called against Northumbria, footwork was given and it was Northumbria ball. Outrage exploded on court and the penalty pass was forwarded to Northumbria circle edge and then converted by the GA, the most dubious call made in the history of netball. With fire in them and 4 goals behind, it was time for Newcastle to fight back.
Outrage exploded on court as the most dubious call in the history of netball was made by the referee
Fraser Kennedy could no longer watch the proceedings, only peeking out from time to time from behind his fingers. A huge turnover was made by Newcastle with 2 minutes to go, and it was slotted home by spirited GA Emily Whiteside. Nothing could be heard with the amount of noise coming from the spectators. With 30 seconds to go Northumbria made another brilliant interception and scored it, putting the score at 38-37 to the home side. As the clock ticked down to the final seconds, it was a Northumbria centre. They passed it around between themselves despite huge pressure from the Newcastle side until the final whistle went. A heart-breaking loss by one goal - Northumbria had done it again. An outstanding performance by the Newcastle netball girls once again, and they know the victory is deservedly theirs next time. Performance sport manager Fraser Kennedy summed things up: “If to play away from home at Premiership level isn’t hard enough as it is, having to play against an extra player so to speak, makes it virtually impossible. In saying that, we still had enough possession to have sealed a victory. The girls will come back more determined after this defeat, mark my words.”
Poly beaten by 5-goal Posh p.39 SUNDERLAND SET UP Newcastle volleyballers take a clean sweep p.38 Photography: Peter Georgiev