www.thecourieronline.co.uk Monday 11 November 2013 Elect Issue 1279 Free ion Guid Specia e l Time inside to PartOffic Fresb e ers’ Wrs and Orga niser eek s
BACK TO THE FUTURE How possible is a
The Independent Voice of Newcastle Students
OBSESSIVE COMPULSIVE EXPLOITATION? p.27
modern day Jurassic Park? p.32
Est 1948
DRESSED TO IMPRESS p.16
Revealed: Senior uni wages in midst of staff pay dispute
EXCLUSIVE By George Sandeman Editor An investigation by The Courier has revealed that 274 people employed by the University earn an annual salary of £70,000 or more. The figures also show that the 11 members comprising the Executive Board, the University’s most senior management team in charge of day-to-day operations, earn a combined salary of approximately £1.48 million each year. The Courier obtained the figures from a Freedom of Information request and shows university salaries from the academic year 2011-12. These revelations come at a time when
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Over 270 senior staff earning £70k or more each year
trade unions representing workers in the Higher Education sector have been embroiled in a pay dispute with universities throughout the country, including Newcastle. University staff have been offered 1% pay increases whilst striking unions claim that their members have suffered a 13% real terms wage cut over the last five years. Despite persistent attempts by The Courier to secure an interview with Veryan Johnston, the Executive Director of Human Resources at the University, and other members of the management team the Press Office stated that nobody was available. However, they did release a statement
in answer to one question about how the University was able to justify senior salaries whilst not meeting the demands
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Executive board salaries total nearly £1.5 million annually
ing groups. “Many of our highly paid staff are clinicians whose pay is determined at a na-
Johnston said: “We are committed to providing the best teaching for our students and in order to do this we need to offer competitive salaries to attract and retain the best academics.” of striking staff. Veryan Johnston said: “The University takes part in national pay negotiations and the offer of 1% on the pay scales is in line with major public sector bargain-
tional level by the NHS and not by the University.” Johnston, who served as Chair of the Russell Group’s Human Resources Directors from 2006-08, added: “Last year
over 40% of staff received an increase of more than 3% and in the latest staff opinion survey, 92% said Newcastle University was a good place to work.” 10 days ago, members of the University’s staff participated in a day of strike action that was coordinated across several British higher education institutions. Protests were held outside several university buildings, including Kings Gate which houses much of the University’s management and administration team, as well as gathering later on in town underneath Grey’s Monument. The effect of this work stoppage on students was the loss of lectures, Continued on page 4
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Monday 11 November 2013
STUDENTS BREW BOWLED OVER
New boutique bowling alley opens in the Toon
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COMMENT REVOLUTION?
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This week’s Yes/No debates the Russell Brand interview
SOAPBOX
Students chat about burning issues of the day
SPORT
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‘We cannot swing up on a rope that is attached only to our own belt.’
- William Ernest Hocking
American idol
Wrecking ball Staff at Michigan Grand Valley State University have been forced to move a sculpture of a wrecking ball on campus. The move comes after it was reported too many students have been ‘paying tribute’ to infamous Miley Cyrus hit. The move has been unpopular with students and alumni alike with a group of student protesters describing the move as ‘horrible’.
MEN’S BASKETBALL Major 88-50 win against Leeds
Maria Frances Case
Students
Lifeboat baby christened at sea
NUSU, King’s Walk, Newcastle upon Tyne, NE1 8QB. Tel: 0191 239 3940
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Competition
‘Racist’ fancy dress I feel I moustache banned by Union you a question.
Traditions
Entirely unperturbed by the choppy sea, wind and rain, Roman Alexander Bundy was christened on board a lifeboat in North Shields. He becomes the fourth generation to join the lifeboat family. Using an upturned ship’s bell in place of a font, baby Roman was christened on Tynemouth RNLI’s Spirit of Northumberland. Crew members and their families have been christened aboard lifeboats for the last two hundred years, a tradition which is cherished as a way of welcoming new family members into the lifeboat community.
Legends will become just that
It was announced that Newcastle nightclub, Legends, is to be closed indefinitely. Alpha Newcastle wrote on their Facebook page, confirming the news: “Unfortunately the rumours are true, today we found out Legends has been sold.” Legends used to host Newcastle University’s sports socials every Wednesday. The night, which was named ‘Deluge’ last year, was recently brought back under the new ‘Fraternity’ labelling. However, Tiger Tiger at Newcastle’s The Gate has taken over the sports social popularity with their ‘Animal’ night.
Russia
Students have been banned by union leaders for wearing ‘racist’ fancy dress costumes. Mexican and native American fancy dress outfits were considered racist under the new “zero tolerance” policy introduced by The Guild of Students at the University of Birmingham. The policy, which was introduced in September, prohibits “all forms of oppressive and discriminatory behaviour” at its regular club nights.
WOMEN’S RUGBY Newcastle win against Nottingham
Clubbing
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The SU open a new, student-led, brewery in Northumberland
Wise Words:
In
NEWS
News Editors: Anna Templeton and James Simpson Deputy News Editors: Sabine Kucher courier.news@ncl.ac.uk | @TheCourier_News
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The World Beard and Moustache Championships were held in Germany on Saturday 2 November. Contestants travelled from all over the globe to compete in the contest’s 18 categories, including the “Moustache Freestyle”, “Full Beard Garibaldi” and “Goatee Fu Manchu”. The world’s finest facial hair was displayed by the competition’s three hundred male entrants and thirteen female entrants, most of which were from the host country and the United States of America. Extravagance was essential for achieving a winner’s title at the event, with spectacular beards, sideburns and moustaches being displayed.
Teenager sells virginity over web An 18-year-old Russian, who is known as Shatuniha, sold her virginity on an online auction site. The Russian listed herself as being in the “new, not used” category and told bidders that she was selling “the most precious thing I possess”. On the site Shatuniha also said she would meet the highest bidder in a hotel and that she would have someone with her to take the cash. According to the Siberian Times, a man named Evgeniy Volnov won the highest bid, buying Shatuniha’s virginity for the equivalent of £17,500. Russian police have stated that no laws have been broken; a spokesman said “this situation is neither an administrative nor a criminal violation. Nor does it fit into a description of the ‘Prostitution’ clause from the Code of the Administrative Violations”. As a result, the Police would not be looking into it
Freshers
Frothy pound of Police dog pension raisins to go please Canine cops
Nottinghamshire Police have announced a scheme which will introduce “pensions” for their retired police dogs. Under the new scheme, the animals will receive £1,500 in the first three years of their retirement to ensure that medical bills can be paid for. Nottinghamshire Police want police dogs to be recognised as “officers in their own right”.
Hundreds of students from St Andrews University covered themselves in foam to celebrate the end of Raisin Weekend. The University tradition welcomes new students into the “academic family”. Freshers traditionally give their “parent”, a senior student, a pound of raisins as a thank you for taking them under their wing.
Editor George Sandeman Deputy Editor Tom Nicholson Web Editor Ben Brown News Editors Anna Templeton and James Simpson Deputy News Editors Sabine Kucher Comment Editors Lydia Carroll and Joe Wood Deputy Comment Editor Victoria Armstrong Culture Editor Sam Summers Lifestyle Editors Evie O’Sullivan, Elizabeth Archer, Hazel Parnell and Katie Smith Fashion Editors Amy O’Rourke and Frances Stephenson Deputy Fashion Editors Rebekah Finney Beauty Editors Amy Macauley and Safiya Ahmed Arts Editors Millie Walton and Charlie Dearnley Deputy Arts Editor Laura Wotton Film Editors Muneeb Hafiz and Jacob Crompton-Schreiber Music Editors Kate Bennett and Ian Mason TV Editor Beth Durant Deputy TV Editor Helen Daly Science Editor Lizzie Hampson Deputy Science Editors Peter Style and Emad Ahmed Sports Editors Nick Gabriel, Freddie Caldwell and Francesca Fitzsimmons Copy Editors Lucy Davis, Emma Broadhouse and Megan Ayres
Images: Flickr Commons
The Courier is printed by: Print and Digital Associates, Fernleigh House, 10 Uttoxeter Road, Derby, Derbyshire, United Kingdom, DE3 0DA. Established in 1948, The Courier is the fully independent student newspaper of the Students’ Union at Newcastle University. The Courier is published weekly during term time, and is free of charge. The design, text, photographs and graphics are copyright of The Courier and its individual contributors. No parts of this newspaper may be reproduced without the prior permission of the Editor. Any views expressed in this newspaper’s opinion pieces are those of the individual writing, and not of The Courier, the Students’ Union or Newcastle University.
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Monday 11 November 2013
Hook, Line and Sinker: students research in Bahamas By Sabine Kucher A group of seven Newcastle Marine Biology students spent a month in the Caribbean summer sun of the Bahamas for their dissertation research projects this summer.
food, they are on every single menu if you go to any restaurant in the Bahamas. As most other countries ban the fishing of conchs, they are exported out to all those other countries. Florida, for example, had a huge population, but they completely fished them out so it is
FAT FEAR FACTOR
I ain’t afraid of no sharks - Lucy Jillings swimming among the sea’s most dangerous inhabitants. Image: Stuart Cove, Nassau
All seven interns were based on the island South Eleuthera at the Cape Eleuthera Institute that specialises in researching sharks, conchs, turtle, mangroves and lionfish. What sounds like a laid-back holiday trip was actually hard work like any dissertation research as shark-research intern and 3rd year Lucy Jillings explained: “We all lived in the same house lived in this little village about 5 miles away from the research centre. We got up early every day– to get the bus at 6.30am and started work at 7am.” “We’d get to the lab get everything ready to go on the boat, then load up the boat. You had like the buckets, the gear, the ropes, the boys, lunch. Then we’d go have breakfast and go out at around 9’o’clock.” The rest of the day, each student spent researching their own project, working at least until 5pm every day and often staying late to help out others with their research projects. Speaking to Rebekka Allgayer, who researched conchs, it becomes clear why all of them put in so much work: “Conchs are in real danger of becoming extinct. It is because they are fished for food. They are a main source of local
now illegal to fish them.” “We collected data from 18 sites around Cape Eleuthera and compared it to a paper done in 2003 to get a ten year trend. I haven’t finished with the
stats yet, but there is a significant decline, there is one sixth as many as there were 10 years ago.” While this sounds dramatic, one of the major problems researchers and campaigners face is a lack of awareness locally. The Bahamian government is aware that a problem exists, but the laws it enacted are inadequate as they do not correctly identify which conchs are adults, and therefore alright to catch, and which are infants. “The fishermen, they all fish conch, their fathers fish conch and their grandfathers fish conch. We haven’t been able to make them understand that if they don’t stop, their sons won’t be able to fish conch”, explains Rebekka. The Bahamas legislators are much more aware of the crash in shark populations with over 100 million being killed annually. Even so sharks still face existential threats from pelagic longlining, a fishing method widely used elsewhere in the world to catch bill fish like marlin and swordfish. “The US still have quite big pelagic longline fisheries. 25% of their catch is shark bycatch. The US also have regulations in place that you can“If they not land sharks, so if don’t stop, they are caught, they their sons are let go. Sharks are generally considered a won’t be nuisance, so when they able to get tangled in the gear, fish conch. the fishermen might just kill the sharks”, explains Lucy. In their research, Lucy and her fellow student Georgina Hunt focus on what happens to the sharks that are let go. “How much stress do they endure while they are on the line can affect the rest of their life. All their energy reserves go into trying to free themselves, not into growth or reproduction. And sharks are slow reproducers, cycles between pups may be as long as 5 years”, explains Lucy pointing out that getting hooked could affect how a shark population grows. “We’re looking at ways to allow the fishermen to set these lines and catch their fish, but minimize the number of sharks that they are catching,” she added.
CAN YOU HEAR THE SEA? Conchs help keep the seagrass beds clean, but are under serious threat as the legislators don’t hear to campaigners’ calls Image: Trish Hartmann
YOU’RE HOOKED
Reef shark about to be brought on board for blood sampling, measuring and tagging. Image: Lucy Jillings
Aside from their work the best part about their month at the Bahamas was the diving, according to Rebekka: “It was great diving, I even saw a hammerhead shark once. I wasn’t scared at all, it wasn’t aggressive it was just curious, it kind of comes up to you. It was huge, it came up behind us and then went under us and that’s when we saw it.” Another great dive was their trip to the wall, a local underwater site. “There’s a site called the wall and after that it is a thousand meter vertical drop. It’s the coolest thing because it’s just open ocean and it’s just dark and there is everything out there.” Lucy told The Courier a story about her best dive: “There’s a harbour and there are nurse sharks there, which are basically harmless because they just suck in their food. In the harbour the sharks are conditioned because the fisherman come back every day at the same time to gut their catch. So when the sharks hear the hose used to rinse the gutted fish going into the harbour, they all come. We jumped in and were snorkelling with these 8 foot massive sharks, who are just really inquisitive and come
right up to your face.” Getting to do research at the Institute has broadened their horizon too. Not only because they worked in a different culture, but also because they made valuable contacts and learned what topics other people are researching. Both reckon the time in the Bahamas had a real impact on their outlook in life. During their time there they aimed to dispel common misconceptions about sharks: “People think that sharks are deadly “Sharks and they are out to get you, but you’re more likeare ly to get killed by a chair friends than a shark. So rememnot food.” ber sharks are friends, not food.” They even contributed to the education of local children and Lucy lights up when she explains that the presentation was the best part of going to the Bahamas: “Georgina and I did a presentation about sharks to kids aged between 8 and 12. After the presentation one of kids came up to me and said she saw sharks differently now and wanted to be a marine biologist now.”
4.news
seminars and teaching time as well as disruption to academic administration. Speaking at the protest, History lecturer Martin Farr said that the strike was a “last resort” and was more about “making a stand and making our position very clear.” The three trade unions involved in the strike were Unison, Unite and the Ucu with the lattermost standing for the
Monday 11 November 2013
University and College Union. A Unison newsletter had stated: “We regret the potential disruption to students, but are in close contact with the NUS and many students will be supportive of the action as they face similar challenges of surviving on a low income.” However, Johnston sought to dissuade the notion that the University was pay-
“The University is committed to fair pay and no longer uses the lowest point on the salary scale”
ing unreasonable salaries by saying: “The University is committed to fair pay and no longer uses the lowest point on the salary scale for regular staff and is making an
additional one-off payment for our lowest paid staff this month. “However, we are also conscious of the need to protect jobs in the longer term. When the full package of pay and benefits are taken into account, including our pension schemes, we believe our rewards at this level are competitive and fair.” However, Dr. Joan Harvey, a Psychol-
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ogy lecturer and President of this university’s Ucu branch said that: “You’re not going to provide the best quality education with staff that are demotivated because their money is being eroded.” She also explained that if the strike was unsuccessful the next step would be “action short of a strike”. This ‘working to contract’ stance consists of “not turning up on Saturdays,
Newcastle awarded £10 million for research By Jennifer Cannon Newcastle University has recently secured a 10 million pound grant from the European Commission to lead an international five year research project looking at the genetic causes of a range of bone diseases. The SYBIL Project will involve 18 world-class partners from across Europe, including institutions from Germany, Switzerland, Austria, Denmark, France and Italy, as well as Manchester University. The study will also involve GATC Biotech, a high-profile company currently the leading European institution in DNA sequencing. Newcastle’s Professor of Skeletal Genetics, Professor Michael Briggs, is the lead academic on the project. Talking about the aims behind SYBIL, he said: ‘’we’re really trying to move the field on. For the last 20 years we’ve been very good at identifying the genes and mutations behind diseases, but we’re really trying to go beyond that and look at mechanisms and potential treatments.” The study aims to identify the mechanisms of around 450 bone diseases. Researchers will attempt to find out how the diseases develop, the mechanisms they work by and how they change with age. Ultimately the hope is to identify biomarkers – substances that can be used as biological indicators of disease and are a key step in creating treatments. The project will use models based on fish, cells and mice, and is also very likely to use stem cells to carry out some of this research. Professor Briggs told The Courier “the
ultimate aim is to find potential therapies for these diseases. We want to try and group diseases on the basis of common pathways that could be targeted for treatments.” While the study is gaining large amounts of publicity for tackling common and pervasive diseases such as osteoporosis and arthritis, it will also make a significant impact on rare skeletal diseases. Examples of these include SED, suffered by renowned actor Warwick Davies, which affects the spine and ends of bone and results in dwarfism. The study will also look at achondroplasia, the most common cause of dwarfism, and rarer diseases such as osteogen“Trying to go esis imperfecta beyond that (brittle bone disand look at ease) which can mechanisms cause bones to break before birth of potential and is potentially treatments” fatal. Although classified as ‘rare’ individually, around 225,000 in the EU are estimated to suffer from this range of diseases. Professor Briggs said: “the study of these rare bone diseases is really important - as a group they’re actually quite common. They’re very hard to study as you can’t ask patients for cartilage samples, so relatively little has been done to look into their mechanisms. Of the 450 diseases only around 5 have treatments at the moment, so the research has the potential to make a real difference.”
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Monday 11 November 2013
not filling in returns and that’s the plan to make the system realise that we’re actually worth paying a decent wage to.” Luke Neal, a third year History & Politics student voiced support for the strike, saying: “All the things they’re striking for directly affect the education we receive.” On justifying the salaries of senior staff at the University, Johnston added:
Johnston said: “Last year over 40% of staff received an increase of more than 3% and in the latest staff opinion survey, 92% said Newcastle University was a good place to work.”
“We are also committed to providing the best teaching and research experience for our students and in order to do this we need to offer competitive salaries to attract and retain the best academics from around the world.” Front page image and additional reporting by James Simpson. Frequency table by George Sandeman.
What do you think? Should staff be paid more or just get on with the job? Visit: www.thecourieronline.co.uk
to have your say
Medical student speedo-ing ahead as he takes on first London Marathon By Tanya Nies
Jonathan Lund, 5th year medicine student at Newcastle University, will take part in the London Marathon 2014. He has received a Golden Bond place by the British Lung Foundation. This means he has a place in the London Marathon due to his involvement in the charity. As part of this he has pledged to raise over £2000 for the foundation. A big goal which certainly requires a standout method. He states that he feels very fortunate for the place as his wish of participating in a marathon has been fulfilled. His involvement in the charity comes from a very personal experience. Two of his grandparents have passed away due to lung diseases. His grandfather passed after suffering a condition called COPD, chronic obstructive pulmonary disease, for over fifteen years. It consists of consistently poor airflow as a result of breakdown of lung tissue and dysfunction of the small airways. People suffer years from this disease, their quality of life being greatly reduced. More recently his grandmother passed away from lung cancer. Jonathan will be running in memory of both of them, as well as raising awareness of the British Lung Foundation and their cause. Any money raised will help the charity “providing care, support and carrying out research into respiratory illnesses.”
BUDGIE SMUGGLERS Jonathan in the middle with Fraser Frost-Penington left and other medical student Tom Connolly right after completing the Great North Run Image: Jonathan Lund
Jonathan will be running in his speedos. “It’s a good way to raise awareness”, Jonathan states laughing. He is part of the Mens Water Polo Team and they participated in the Great North Run, in their speedos. “The attention they got was overwhelming, “it was unbelievable”. From the Chronicle to BBC Radio many reported about the runners in their speedos. So Jonathan figured he would adapt the idea to raise awareness of his cause. In order to prepare for the marathon he will be out running up to four times a week. “Last week I ran six miles, next week I’ll try and do eight or nine, and gradually build it up”, he explains his training plan. He’ll run another two marathons before actually going to London, as part of his training. To stay warm during the run, he will use the same method as in the Great North Run, “putting a lot of baby oil on myself. “It’s a great heat isolation.” The hardest bit will just be the distance. However, he is positive his cause will keep him motivated. As well as the song “Times” by the Foo Fighters.“To raise awareness to this charity will quite worth-while a thing. And just any support would be great.“ For more information, you can visit his fundraising page here: uk.virginmoneygiving.com/jonathanlund
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Monday 11 November 2013
The Courier
Barbour boost research by £1 million By Katie Read Students taking part in research into the areas of ageing, human genetics and neurodegenerative diseases have now have their projects boosted with part of a £1 million donation, which was made by the Barbour Foundation to Newcastle University last year. Professor Chris Day, Pro-Vice-Chancellor of the Faculty of Medical Sciences said: “The funding will mean we can support young career scientists in some of the cutting-edge areas of research which can really make a difference to the healthcare we can provide in the future. This is wonderful news and really celebrates the important and life-changing work in which our research teams are involved.” The Chair of the Barbour Foundation, Dame Margaret Barbour DBE DL, visited the University earlier this week and met with some of the students whose research projects will be funded by her generous donation. Of her visit, she said, “I was so pleased to have had the opportunity to meet the students who are being helped. The visit was so interesting and I was very much impressed by their enthusiasm for the research of the medical topics they had chosen. I found it an extremely rewarding experience.” One of the students benefiting from the donation is Zoe Winston, who is researching the effect that diabetes has
BARBOUR BENEFITS The generous donation from the Barbour Foundation will support students research projects across the University Image: rossjamesparker
on the brain in terms of attention, processing speed, memory and general functioning. Zoe said of her research: “These things are currently poorly understood so I’m hopeful I could make a real difference with this research.” Zoe added: “I am very thankful to the Barbour Foundation for their immense generosity; it will make a big impact on my education and I will be forever
grateful.” Another fortunate student benefitting from the generous grant is Randy Ballesteros, who said: “I hope that my research can be a small step on the way to enabling more healthy babies. I would like to thank the Barbour Foundation for supporting my work and also for helping the generations to come.” Randy is looking at how mistakes in cell
divisions can cause disorders in babies such as Down’s Syndrome. Professor Day added: “The Barbour Foundation has identified with our vision to further medical research by creating opportunities for bright scientists to develop their ideas here at Newcastle University. The projects they will take forward will look at the basic mechanisms of specific diseases and will ul-
timately help us move closer to breakthroughs that will benefit patients here in the region and across the world.” Due to this donation from the Barbour Foundation, 19 research posts will be created across the University’s Faculty of Medical Sciences over the next 5 years, helping the University maintain its place as one of the top ten UK universities for medical research.
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Monday 11 November 2013
Kids cared for with Kare Kot By Anna Templeton News Editor
Katharine Paterson, who works in Finance and Planning here at Newcastle, took second place in the national “Rattles to Riches” award at The Baby Show in London. Katharine, whose invention Kare Kot led her to be shortlisted for the prestigious award, has been hailed as ‘one of the region’s up and coming female entrepreneurs.’ The “Rattles to Riches” award is designed to recognise product innovation in the nursery sector, support budding entrepreneurs and propel a host of new products into the spotlight and onto the shelves of well-known retailers. Katharine, from Capheaton Northumberland, was shortlisted from over 50 entries for the award which was presented at London Olympia. Katharine presented her invention alongside three finalists to a Dragon’s Den style panel of influential industry voices including former Apprentice winner Tom Pellereau. Whilst Katharine didn’t go on to win the award, her invention, a three-stage bed system which inter-changes between cradle, cot and bed, was highly commended by the expert panel of judges. The invention was also recently showcased at the InnovateNE conference in Newcastle, where Katharine met CEO of JoJo Maman Bébé, Laura Tenison MBE. Katharine said: “I wouldn’t call myself an inventor by any means but when I had my daughter four years ago and saw her evolve from being a baby into a very
active toddler, I realised there weren’t any cots available in which I thought she would be completely safe.” When researching what cot Katharine would buy for her own baby, she discovered that toddlers often get their limbs stuck in traditional cot bars. Toddlers can even suffocate from the cot bumpers used to protect them as they become more mobile in their cots. “That was when I thought there must be a better way and set about designing a product that ticked all of the safety boxes whilst being practical and stylish. “Needless to say, I am absolutely thrilled to have been shortlisted for this award. It has given me a huge amount of confidence both in my product and my business and I’m now looking to fund the next stage of its development,” Katharine added. In 2011 Katharine approached the Business Support team at Newcastle Science City with her idea. She then received business start-up support and advice to help develop the initial concept into a product to take to market. Dave Stevens, Business Support Manager at Newcastle Science City commented: “We are delighted that Katharine’s hard work has been recognised through reaching the finals of these prestigious industry awards. “It recognises not only the great investment of time and effort on her part, but also the huge market potential for her innovative product which has already attracted the attention of some of the UK’s leading retailers.” Kare Kot is expected to hit the shelves in 2014.
SOUND SLEEP
The soft-sided Kare Kot was born out of concerns for child safety as toddlers often get stuck in conventional cot bars Image: Katharine Paterson
Mango Bikes ride into Fenwick By Holly Abbotson Mango Bikes have announced an exciting new partnership with Fenwick, Newcastle. They will be launching a pop-up store, beginning mid-November, through until the early New Year. Mango Bikes are a student-founded company, based on student needs. Their aim was to design bikes that look great, but are still affordable for students. Ben Harrison and Jezz Skelton, the University housemates that founded Mango Bikes, were inspired by what the marketplace had to offer in terms of fashionable and affordable bikes, and it was here that they spotted a niche in They gained the market. “It didn’t seem Innocent right to us that Smoothie you can buy a car co-founder as exactly to your spec or shoes to their mentor your design, but that bikes were only available in a few dull, pre-selected colours. We decided to take things a step further and let you, the rider, do the designing of your bike.” They founded their business by entering the Be Your Own Boss competition on BBC Three, where they were awarded a backing of £50,000 and gained Innocent Smoothie co-founder, Richard Reed, as a mentor. Both Ben and Jezz are biking experts; both have raced and ridden bikes since their early teens. Ben has also worked on
PEDAL POWER Mango Bikes are offering customer millions of colour combinations to suit individual tastes Image: Fenwick
the mountain bike World Cup circuit as a mechanic, so together with their experience and their expert knowledge, they have established this successful company. With millions of different colour combinations to choose from, Mango Bikes offer the buyer a chance to fully customise a bicycle to suit individual
styles. Mango Bikes partnership with Fenwick provides an opportunity for students to customise their own perfect, lightweight bicycle in-store. Previously, Mango Bikes have been a solely online business, but their partnership with Fenwick Newcastle has brought the on-
line to in-store. Large screens will be provided for buyers to design their own bikes, pay for it, and specify a delivery address – all in one go. Fenwick is situated in the centre of Newcastle on Northumberland Street; the design stations can be found in Men’s Accessories and the Sports sec-
tions. After your customised bike has been hand-painted at the Mango Bikes warehouse, it can either be picked up at Fenwick Newcastle, or delivered to your door. The Original for men and the Curve for women are available from £295. The new 3-gear bicycle available from £395.
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Monday 11 November 2013
Sharia-friendly student loans By Tom Finch David Cameron and the government have insisted, as a matter of urgency, that Sharia compliant student loans be introduced by the government. The developments have meant that government will implement a new model of the loan structure, which encompasses both higher and further education loan applicants and will include the 24+ advanced learner loans. The decision has been a long time coming with many Muslims and other Abrahamic faiths unable to attain student finance on account of their religion. The Sharia law states that any form of interest with regard to borrowed or money transactions is unethical, and thus outlaws it
Job Title: Administration Officer Employer: NHS Closing date: 13.11.2013 Salary: £14,662-£16,892 per annum, pro rata Basic job description: An Administration Officer is required to work 20 hours per week with Public Health England. The post holder will be responsible for the mail, ordering supplies and for filing, photocopying and scanning of surveys the Regional Maternity Survey Office conduct. The job involves receiving and communicating confidential information and liaising with academic institutions and NHS Trusts. There will be some data entry required under the supervision of the RMSO co-ordinator. Person requirements: An enthusiastic, confident person who has office experience, preferably in a healthcare context. The post will be offered subject to a full DBS check. Location: Newcastle upon Tyne. Job Title: Food and Beverage Assistant Employer: The Vermont Hotel Closing date: None given Salary: £7.31 per hour Basic job description: Part-time Food and Beverage assistants are required to work part-time hours at The Vermont Hotel in Newcastle. You will be responsible for the consistent delivery of superior customer service, maximising opportunities for departmental sales and profit and assist with stock-takes where required. Person requirements: The successful candidate will need to be helpful, confident, able to work unsupervised, have strong communication skills and present a positive attitude whilst working in a busy environment. Location: Newcastle upon Tyne. Job Title: Christmas Sales Assistants Employer: Yankee Doodle Candy Closing date: None given Salary: National Minimum Wage Basic job description: Yankee Doodle Candy are looking for Christmas temporary staff to work various part-time hours at their stores in Newcastle and Gateshead. In these roles you will be responsible for liaising with customers, cash handling, merchandising, stock replenishment and other general store duties. Person requirements: The successful candidates will have previous retail experience & excellent customer service skills, be able to work as part of a team & have excellent communication/numeracy skills.
from their way of life. The NUS have stressed the need for this for years, and in light of proposals, the leader, Toni Peace has expressed his happiness with the ruling: Toni Pearce, President of NUS, said, “It’s fantastic that the prime minister has accepted this very real need for sharia compliant loans. It is simply not acceptable to expect people to drop their religious beliefs in order to access education” Up to now, many Muslim students have been prevented by the presence of interest or ‘Riba’ in the loans handed down by student finance in England. Under the current system, the £9000 fee repayment system is charged at a ‘real’ rate of interest on most student loans, and this varies of scale from 1.5% RPI
for those with a household income of £21,000 or less to a maximum of +3% from those earning £41,000 or above. The current rates of interest are what the Sharia law disagrees with in its manifesto, conflicting with what they demand to be a fair business market. So following the calls from NUS and other supporting groups, including FOSIS, ALQalam and 1st ethical, the government have agreed to introduce a Sharia-compliant loan system, which in addition with current conventional loan systems will form the basis of what will now be offered by student finance in England. The new loan structure would focus on a ‘commodity murabaha structure’ which will in effect replicate a conventional model in the terms and pricing but avoid the idea of a formal interest.
Location: Newcastle upon Tyne and Gateshead.
standards. Person requirements: With excellent customer service skills, you should be professional and well presented - able to communicate clearly with people at all levels. You should be a self-motivated team player able to work unsupervised in a busy environment. Conversational English is essential and you’ll have to be confident, friendly and reliable to succeed with us. Location: Newcastle upon Tyne.
Job Title: Hotel Services Assistant Employer: NHS Closing date: 13.11.2013 Salary: £14,294 to £15,013 per annum, pro rata Basic job description: A Hotel Services Assistant is required to work 16 hours per week at Bensham Hospital in Gateshead. The successful candidate will be responsible for a broad range of cleaning duties associated with the functions of the Hotel Services Department, ensuring the delivery of efficient working patterns and a high quality service at all times. The post-holder may also be required to work at other Trust premises as required. Person requirements: It is essential that applicants have previous experience in Domestic Services are able to work alone, are highly motivated and have a pleasant disposition. Location: Gateshead. Job Title: Maths/Engineering Notetaker Employer: Clear Links Support Ltd. Closing date: 22.11.2013 Salary: £11.08 per hour + £1.34 holiday pay per hour Basic job description: Clearlinks are looking for Maths/Engineering Notetakers to work on a temporary/casual nature. In this role you will be required to produce an accurate and legible handwritten record of the content of lectures, seminars etc. which are then handed over to the Client. The work is during term-time only. A range of hours is available. Person requirements: Applicants must have completed at least 1 year of higher education study, or be able to demonstrate an equivalent level of experience, and have clear and legible handwriting as well as accurate spelling and grammar skills. Degree discipline in Maths or Engineering is essential. Location: Newcastle upon Tyne. Job Title: Kitchen Staff Employer: J.D Wetherspoon Closing date: 25.11.2013 Salary: National Minimum Wage Basic job description: The Five Swans pub in Newcastle is looking for Kitchen Staff to work 20 hours per week. As a member of our kitchen team, you will be responsible for ensuring all food and associated products are prepared, cooked, served and presented to our high
Job Title: Sales Adviser Employer: Superdrug Closing date: None given Salary: National Minimum Wage Basic job description: A Sales Adviser is required to work 8 hours per week at the Superdrug store in Wallsend. Your role at Superdrug will be all about serving customers mostly at the till point where you will deliver excellent service and encourage add on sales. You will also ensure that the store is well merchandised and a high level of store presentation is maintained at all times. In addition, you will be involved in supporting the management team to achieve store targets. Person Requirement: Confident and clear communication skills, passionate about retail and customer service, desire to learn and improve your knowledge/skills in area of expertise, flexible in working hours and adaptable to change. Location: Newcastle upon Tyne. Job Title: Support Assistant Employer: North Tyneside Council Closing date: 13.11.2013 Salary: £13,798-£14,688 per annum, pro rata Basic job description: A Support Assistant is required to work 20 hours per week at Monkseaton Middle School in Whitley Bay. You will be responsible for supporting pupils in intervention groups for English and Maths. You will also lead whole class groups on occasions and provide 1-1 support to children during lessons. Person Requirement: You should be enthusiastic and have previous experience of working with pupils in Key stage 2 and 3. Location: Whitley Bay.
The Courier
Fire started in halls by firework
Asbestos found in student digs
University of Lancaster
University of Manchester
A fire was started in Lancaster’s Cartmel College after a firework was thrown into a sleeping student’s bedroom. The fire was started at approximately 11pm on the November 4. Firemen arrived at the scene five minutes after getting the call. No suspects have yet been connected to the accident. The student, a first year international, was asleep when the firework was thrown into her room. She tried to stifle the fire at first, but when she couldn’t, she ran out of the building along with her flatmates, who phoned the porters and the fire brigade. Witnesses claim that they saw no one outside the building at the time. The fire did not spread outside of the room. The students from the block will be able to move back in. However, residents from the ground floor, where the damaged bedroom is located, will probably have to be moved permanently.
Halls across University of Manchester campus were identified as containing deteriorated asbestos. The students living in those halls were unaware of the fact until 2012. Some students are still unknowingly living in asbestos-containing flats, since eight of the identified buildings are yet to undergo procedures to remove it. Many students have expressed outrage at not being informed of the situation. They claimed that for the money they pay, they expect to be told such serious and potentially dangerous things immediately. It’s also been said that the university has “abused their position of trust” by not notifying students of the fact that their halls of residence might contain deteriorated asbestos. Although, the university has managed to work on 52 of the halls that contain asbestos, the work is still not due to be finished until 2014, when another As-
Uni alleged Warwick to infringe considering free speech US campus University of East Anglia The Union of UEA Students (UUEAS) have condemned updates to the wording in university regulations regarding behaviour, claiming that it has a “chilling effect” on students’ ability to protest. The university, on the other hand, regards this as a “misunderstanding” and claims that no significant changes have been made to the regulations. The UUEAS is concerned that the newly worded regulations do much more than clarify the current procedure. They allow for the university to ban protests which they dislike, discipline students who call for boycotts and ask inappropriate questions concerning corporations and politicians. Students claim that the new regulation are in direct controversy of their right to protest. After protests from students, University of East Anglia officials have promised to review them. Images: Flickr Commons
Warwick University A delegation from Roseville and Placer County, California is due to visit Warwick on November 11 to discuss the potential of developing a local Warwick campus in Sacramento, the state capital. The representatives are hoping that the generous proposal of free county land and $150 million will convince the university to invest in the new overseas campus. Local residents aren’t too keen on the idea either. They have commented that there are enough U.S. universities as it is and to use taxpayers’ money to finance trips to the UK is “irresponsible”. Students, however, are rather enthusiastic of the idea of a U.S. campus, claiming that the university’s wider geographical scope will give them more career opportunities as graduates. Antonia Velikova
Comment The Courier
.9
Monday 11 November 2013
thecourieronline.co.uk/comment
Comment Editors: Joe Wood and Lydia Carroll Deputy Comment Editor: Victoria Armstrong courier.comment@ncl.ac.uk | @Courier_Comment
Should certain religions enjoy financial privileges? Cameron has announced plans to allow for financial bonds and loans which comply with Islamic Sharia law. Joe Wood and Matt Corden debate the potential consequences for British society
NO
Matt Corden
YES
Cameron’s plan to introduce Islamic bond plans is largely an issue of the soaring Islamic investments within the global economy. This is the United Kingdom, idyllic land of the free market. The real problematic rights Islam has granted itself lies deeper within politics. When a Danish newspaper printed satire on the Prophet, and when Prime Minister Rasmussen refused to intervene on the basis that Danish law guarantees freedom of expression, the Danish economy was boycotted and its foreign embassies were burnt during state-organised violence. The reaction from the UNCHR, the US, the Vatican and almost every other Christian church was that the problem was offence, not sabotage and murder. Almost all newspapers refused to reprint the cartoons for fear of repercussions – continually censoring our media. Salman Rushdie and Theo Van Gogh are similar cases in point concerning the disgraceful Western indifference that can emerge to such outrages. It was archbishop Rowan Williams, who advised Britain to embrace Sharia or face further terrorism. The proposed parallel court is not only hysterical but self-evidently counter-productive for the integration of British Muslims. The recent debacle at a Birmingham college of the burqa being in breach of security regulation was a prime example of religious moral blackmail; asinine accusations of “Islamophobia” were thrown at those who expected universal compliance. Politicised religious cults claim the right to tell everyone what to do or say based on blood-stained myth. Religious pluralism can only exist as a private matter and never be given the time of day at Westminster.
Your argument stems from the notion that by granting privileges to religious practices the government is succumbing to their fear of extremism. This is not the case. There is, of course, the point that we should not allow freedom of expression to be boycotted by religious extremists; I am the first to speak out against that. However, the rights of an individual to enact their fundamental religious beliefs must be defended in Britain. Through the voice of the media, Sharia has become some dirty word. Sharia means ‘Law’. These laws cover a vast array of different social areas. Undoubtedly, there are aspects of Sharia which could not exist within our society, such as capital punishment. However, the rules that Sharia Law sets on loans make it impossible for lenders to gain the incomprehensibly large sums of money we see in the West. Consider the problem facing Britain with payday loans from companies like Wonga. People with nowhere else to go are forced into situations where they borrow money at an APR of 5853%. The fact that this cannot occur under Sharia seems much less like a ‘blood-stained myth’ and more like a rational safeguard against the abuse of the weak by the strong. I don’t suggest Sharia be introduced as a form of governance in Britain but neither do I ignore morality within ancient phiJoe Wood losophies. Hence why there is logic in allowing other cultures which can work within and benefit our society; rather than assuming that defending religious practices means succumbing to the whims of extremism. The campaign of sabotage upon Denmark was not just the action of individual “extremists” or fanatics, but it was facilitated by states. The same applies to the offer of money by the Supreme Leader of Iran for the murder of Salman Rushdie, living in Britain, because his novel was considered blasphemous. Unfortunately the extremist factions, with state backing, have the main initiative and hold a status quo censorship over large swathes of the British media through fear and intend to extend it. What I was criticising was the lack of British resistance to it as I previously outlined, that stems from an alarmingly common attitude that the feelings of Muslims require special protection. Contrary to your last sentence, I never said that the unquestionable right to freedom of religion is a capitulation to extremism; I don’t think I even implied it. I contended that true freedom of worship and freedom of expression which you and I clearly strive for is only possible if this childish issue of “offence” is dropped and if Britain follows a secular path of universal rule of law that doesn’t benefit a particular religion over another. Just look at the recent three-decade long conflict in Ireland. That was entirely down to a long-standing British position that only the Protestant sect deserved State privileges and that Catholicism wasn’t worthy of such recognition. How much less suffering would there have been if the State proclaimed that the church was to be disestablished? Your repudiation of the practices of wonga.com is touching, but I find it difficult to accept as compensation.
“This is self-evidently counterproductive for the integration of British Muslims”
YES
Image: epSos.de
NO
There is a striking difference between what you have described and the allowance of religious practices within society. What you describe are examples of discrimination in Ireland and sheer acts of politicised terror by a rogue state. Allowing privileges to religious practices provides a more vibrant society where different faiths can co-exist, without alienation by not being allowed to practise their faith. I don’t think you honestly believe the two are so intimately connected. Now I am an atheist and I’ve been strongly influenced by the likes of Richard Dawkins and Christopher Hitchens who advocate a secular society. I agree with secularism entirely, but that does not necessitate a total abandonment of liberties that may only be specific to certain groups. It is important to note that a democratic society is formed by many different groups of people with their own world-views. Islam demands that lenders do not extort the person borrowing money. This does not seem to contradict the values of our society but more the mechanics of our lending system. Allowing such a ‘privilege’ to Muslim students, so that they are able to study freely without a conflict between their faith and their pursuits of education, seems fundamentally in keeping with the ideals of a democratic state. There is, of course, extremism in the world. Religion in itself can be a detriment to the progression of society. I feel we share similar views on this point. However, society has a responsibility to be inclusive of many different groups. Thus, we should allow practices which do not counter the values of society and which allow for the integration of other world views. Otherwise we will be as blind sighted as the state of Iran you have argued against.
“A true democratic society is formed by many different groups of people with their own world views”
Image: zeevveez
What’s Clarkson Clucking? What he said:
‘I am literally going to be sick’
What he meant:
Just looked in the mirror. I am literally going to be sick.
What he said:
‘The single most depressing phrase in the English language is “better to be safe than sorry”.
What he meant:
The single most depressing phrase in the WORLD is “better to be safe than sorry”
A Daily Mail Diamond What they said:
‘Two-and-a-half million British teddy bears have social media profiles’
What they meant:
But how many of them are illegal immigrants?
Joe Wood
10.comment
SOAP BOX ROBINSON
Monday 11 November 2013
The Courier
Art school stole my virginity
Jamie Shepherd takes a look at Clayton Pettet’s concept for a new art project - that is, losing his virginity in front of one hundred spectators
It takes a copy of Ulysses in the Robinson, penned in by a three walled desk to realise that the library is an anthropological gold mine. This space is teeming with the same characters each day. You have the constant wanderer, eager to pursue any other activity but to remain desk-bound, often seen laughing in whispery tones to a friend equally lacking in personal library based aspiration. The bewildered fresher can be found negotiating our user-friendly book shelves for essays that just don’t count, reading list in hand, whilst you try and block out what might be referred to as ‘the eater’ on your left. Be it crisps or gum, as an ill-fated friend grew alarmingly distressed with the violence of the chewing next to her one library session, this creature is always one to avoid. Look for these delightful personas next time... I can assure you, you won’t be disapHannah Redman
Clayton Pettet
PAEDOPHILIA This July, Bijan Ebrahimi was burnt to death in the street by neighbours assuming, with no evidence, that he was a paedophile. This grim episode highlights the urgent need for a re-assessment of our attitudes. BBC3’s satirical show Monkey Dust features the ‘Paedofinder General’, who executes supposed paedophiles under the authority of ‘the hysterical uneducated masses’. This comedy today brings not laughter but uneasy recognition; British life mirroring its own parody. Paedophilia is a mental disorder, according to the WHO. It becomes criminal if acted upon, but if not enacted, surely merits treatment. We must ask ourselves, what situation gives us the optimal outcome? A world that encourages paedophiles to seek medical aid? Or a world that, by making admission tantamount to a death sentence, encourages paedophiles to hide, and sate themselves with child porn online? It’s time to grow up, Britain. George Severs
DRUGS If you’ve heard about the global drug dealing website Silk Road, you might also know that just over a month ago the site was closed down. Like some mindblowingly intense episode of Breaking Bad, there were all the fireworks from the internet drug-lord Ross Ulbricht, a.k.a ‘Dread Pirate Robert’ to rumours of paid assassinations. Yet in almost no time at all there’s already a new site, selling the same things and it even has the same name. The desire within the market for ‘illegal drugs’ is sufficient enough for these sites to exist. Is it still a question of morality and ethics that we continue a war on drugs? Not when there is such demand. Are we enacting our democratic rights by rejecting this demand? Yes. So lets be rid of these illegal havens of crime and turn the trade in drugs into a viable element of our economy, taxed and regulated. Joe Wood
Jamie Shepherd
A
rt has consistently shocked and scandalised each generation in its turn. From Courbet’s ‘L’Origne du Monde’, to Francis Bacon’s hideously malformed portraits, to Tracey Emin and her bed, there is nothing more likely to set tongues wagging than the art world. This is nothing new as current St Martin’s art Student Clayton Pettet is aiming to break the next boundary. For his next art project in January the coming year, Pettet plans to lose his virginity in front of a live audience… all for the sake of art. The piece known as ‘Art School Stole My Virginity’ will see Pettet engage in receptive intercourse in front of a public audience that can apply for free to witness the live show. Ticket allocations are on a first come, first served basis and no doubt will draw huge interest amongst the art circles and members of the public itself. Despite the high publicity surrounding this performance, the question that has divided the critics is pure and simple: “is this art?” If we take a step-back, it would be prudent to an-
Criticisms raised over Alex Salmond’s tentative early steps towards opera career
Image: Ewan McIntosh
alyse what we actually consider art to encompass. To many people, their only concept of the art world is a Monet hanging in the Musee D’Orsay or the Mona Lisa and her enigmatic smile behind glass in the Louvre; conventional and traditional representations of portraiture and still-life. To others,
“Not many of Pettet’s critics have the balls - for want of a better word - to put their talent out there”
art remains completely inaccessible with people struggling to “get” the symbolism behind Jackson Pollock’s and Damien Hirst’s, many uttering the derisive declamatory of “I could do that”. It is fair to say that those people may have the artistic ability to do something like that but it does remain to be
Audience shocked by Miley Cyrus’ new stage routine involving bananas
Image: @Doug88888
seen whether or not they would (for want of a better word) have the balls to put their talent out there and indeed how likely is it that they would, ahem, show their balls in the way that Pettet plans to. While art is intended to provoke a reaction of some form in the individual viewing it, and who can deny that Pettet’s plan has provoked a reaction of sorts. My main issue with Pettet’s piece is the concept behind it. A problem that I have with modern art that may appear to be nothing more than junk is that more often than not it is presented to us sans context which is unfortunate as with all art work, there must have been a rational process in its creation that the artist could justify. After Pettet’s performance he will be holding a question and answer session where he will face his detractors and the art world and this will be the proof of his merits as an artist. Should he be able to face the inevitable scorn in a mature, rational, intelligent, articulate, and confident manner then I will salute him for baring himself in such a brave and daring display. However, if he cannot (ahem) rise to his detractors, then as far as I’m concerned Clayton Pettet is nothing more than either an attention-seeking artbrat, or more concerned with being controversial for the sake of being controversial, as art so often is.
In anticipation of Republican Primaries, Ted Cruz outlines his foreign policy
Image: Alexbip
Joe Wood
The Courier
comment.11
Monday 11 November 2013
What’s your number?
The
Voice of
Reason
A switch to the US ‘grade point average’ system could see the traditional British system of 2:1s and Firsts phased out. Jennifer Cannon weighs up the benefits and the difficulties of modernisation Jennifer Cannon
T
his year, twenty UK universities will be participating in a trial which stands to revolutionise the way we are graded in higher education. The trial, including a number of Russell Group universities such as Birmingham, Edinburgh, Leeds, Nottingham, Sheffield and Oxford Brookes, will abandon the traditional classification system we are used to in favour of the US system of grade point averages (GPAs). Universities are considering making the move after statistics showed just how many more UK students are now achieving higher grades: in the last ten years, the number of students getting firstclass degrees has doubled, and now one in six can expect to get the top grade. In a climate where even a first, let alone a 2:1, isn’t enough to set you apart from the crowd, it’s easy to see why job searching causes so much panic. In order to be different it seems like an inordinate amount of extra-curricular activity, careers training, and (often elitist) work experience placements are the only way to have a chance at securing a job. The problem is that the current UK system is designed for a relatively small number of students in
elite institutions. And for that purpose, it worked perfectly well. But in a society where thousands of students graduate every year, the system is inconsistent, unfair and ultimately fails in reflecting students’ true achievement. Anyone would be hard-pushed to find a lecturer who could tell you categorically what the difference is between an essay worth 64 and one worth 65; to find two who agree on the definition would be near-on impossible. And between subjects the discrepancy is even more obvious: while in some science subjects it’s common to score into the nineties for quantifiable assessments, in most of the humanities and social sciences a student who can score above 75 is a mythical being who only appears once every ten years or so. Obviously the problem isn’t that science subjects are easier – most of the current discourse claims (ludicrously) that the opposite is true – the problem is simply that the grading system is outdated and fundamentally flawed. Designed with an enormous student population in mind, the GPA system seems like a promising alternative. The way that it works is that grades are assigned numbers (A=4, B=3, C=2, D=1) and then at the end of the year grades are averaged to give a final decimal figure, meaning that grades would be specific and closer to reflecting true achievement (as opposed to a farcical situation where 61 and 68 often ultimately result in the same thing). Having
said this, the system is by no means a perfect solution, and has been criticised for causing trends such as encouraging students to take ‘easier’ modules in order to pull their averages up. How- ever, while it doesn’t perhaps promise a utopia of fair and equal assessment, this trial represents a hugely important shift in the attitude of UK universities. Higher education can often be dangerously stuck in the past, obsessed with preserving a fetishized, old-world ideal where the British university experience centres around wood panelling, eccentricity and a dogged reluctance to move with the times. But trials such as this show that perhaps this is finally ceasing to be the case. In recognising failings in an old system and modelling something new and radical, institutions are recognising that they are catering for a massive number of students competing in a modern, digitised and brutally competitive international jobs market. Whether or not the GPA system is the right route remains to be seen, but the long overdue step towards modernisation is a welcome and refreshing change. Image credit: Scott* @Flickr
Pseudo-feminists be trippin’ Antonia Velikova
L
ast month the University of Warwick’s female rowing team published their second naked calendar, sales of which will go to the Macmillan Cancer Support. Last year they were heavily criticized for being anti-feminist and for enforcing the stereotyping and objectification of women. This year isn’t much different. This year’s calendar has again been labelled ‘tacky’ and ‘provocative’ by many, claiming to ‘defend women’s dignity’. However, somehow everyone fails to notice that the male rowing team from the same university make a naked calendar for charity too. And their’s is an annual thing. Male and female naked calendars were sold side by side. Why then, has no one worried about these men being viewed as ‘sex objects’ and no one blamed them for ‘objectifying’ the male body? Oh, that’s right, I forgot. Because
every time there’s a naked woman somewhere, it’s always about the oppression and objectification of women. The notion that those girls might have actually enjoyed taking their clothes off and being
“Feminism isn’t about celibacy or conservatism. Feminism is about choice. ”
photographed seems entirely inconceivable. What’s more is that while I do think that it’s not necessary to take your clothes off to raise money for charity, I don’t see why anyone should bash those girls for what they did. It’s obvious from the pictures that they’re having a good time and
are comfortable with their naked bodies. If there had been any implied sexual scenario, then yes, I would have minded it a lot. The photos are not blatant pornography; instead one can even go as far as calling them ‘artistic nudes’. I didn’t feel like they were objectifying or stereotyping anyone. In fact, they were just well-composed shots for a charitable cause. What a lot of people don’t seem to realize is that feminism isn’t about celibacy or conservatism. Feminism is about choice. It’s about the right of women to do whatever makes them feel comfortable and happy with their bodies. I, personally, wouldn’t pose naked for a calendar, however I would get terribly cross with the person who tells me what I can or cannot do, just because I’m a woman. Especially if they do it in the name of ‘feminism’. You cannot tell anyone what to do or not do and label it degrading, unless that person feels personally degraded by it. The entire notion that men can have naked calendars and women can’t is surely unequal and, therefore, (ironically) anti-feminist.
No. 5: Why don’t the jobless simply inherit more money? Now that the annual season of terror known as Bonfire Night has passed us by, and one can at last safely retreat from under the mahogany cognac table without fear of a plebeian lout launching a firework through the letter box, it is time to focus our energies on more important matters once more. I refer of course to benefits scroungers. Three weeks ago I was privy to a despicable bit of filth printed betwixt these very pages. It was both a savage mauling of the good Sir George Osborne, defender of the humble upper classes, and a ghastly defence of the benefit scrounging unwashed. This doltish writer actually proposed that making it harder for the poor to claim our taxes and forcing them to work demeaning jobs was ‘morally wrong’ and ‘unsustainable’! I had my man Timmons put that page straight in the tiddle tray, I can assure you. I cannot fathom how anyone could sympathise with these jobless. Obviously, it’s easy to get a job - I’ve never held one myself, but everyone knows that it’s completely impossible to be jobless out of anything other than wilful laziness. Why, there are simply thousands of jobs! After all, one can never have too many staff. As soon as their ‘benefits’ are pulled out from under their vulgar branded trainers, the jobless will be forced pick up a mop and broom and go into service. Which, of course, will leave them without so much leisure time to terrorise good pedigrees with Lidl own-brand fireworks. Everyone knows that the jobless now have lifestyles rivalling those enjoyed by the rightfully wealthy. Why, just last week my manservant Timmons read me a piece from that herald of truth, The Daily Mail, describing a job shy single mother of twenty five children whose benefits included £5,000,000 a year, an apartment on the Amalfi coast, and a share in the Crown Jewels. Or so Timmons said, I think. I couldn’t hear him very well; I was still under the cognac table at the time, you see, and like many members of his class, dear Timmons has habit of mumbling his speech quite atrociously. And those blasted fireworks! My usually exquisite mental and hearing faculties were shot to pieces. It beggars (an appropriate term) belief that our taxes are squandered so. Of course, it goes without saying that it’s because of such outrages that I ‘evade’ - or as I prefer to say it, ‘opt out of ’ - taxes myself. The simplest solution is to hide your fortune. Indeed, I had Timmons bury my inheritance in a suitably remote location as soon as my dear late father choked on that oyster. I’d like to see the unemployed find it there, rah rah rah! My father, Sir Pugsington (rest his soul) would certainly approve. I oft remember his fireside reminisces; of back when the working classes actually worked. None of this Socialist government hand-holding! His manservant, Jimmons, ran his estate, chauffeured him everywhere, prepared his evening drinks, trimmed his claws, and catered to him exactly as a servant should. All this whilst shouldering an addiction to the gin bottle! It puts todays Red Stripe addled job-shys to shame. My question is this: why do the poor simply not inherit more wealth? Only one distant family member has to amass a decent fortune, create a trust fund, and all subsequent generations can live comfortably. Support your families like the rest of us - by being born millionaires. Yours,
Pugs
(overheard by Lydia Carroll) Illustration by Flora Anderson
Pugs’ got a new iPad, and he’s been dictating tweets to his manservant Timmons. Follow him on Twitter at @LaVoiceofReason
12.lifestyle
Monday 11 November 2013
The Courier
Lifestyle Editors: Evie O’Sullivan, Elizabeth Archer, Hazel Parnell and Katie Smith Great
sex positions ...for guys
It’s a boy/ girl thing... The great toilet seat debate
A
Doggy Style Doggy style is a straight up favourite with any guy and not one will deny it. It is best to perform with a girl with a shapely behind or to use a better phrase – a great booty. It gives the man a chance to step up the pace and power and provides one of the greatest views of a man’s life. It’s even better than bacon. The chance of finding a girl to do this is quite high as everybody loves a bit of doggy. My advice: try your charms in Tup Tup and you should find what you are looking for.
Cowgirl This one is basic but essential for any girl’s repertoire to please her buck buddy. It’s a time where the girl gets to show her riding ability and that’s why we love it. The man gets to see the girl’s body from the best angle and when it’s a good body there is nothing better than seeing it bouncing up and down.
lot of unnecessary anger has arisen as a result of the ‘toilet seat’ gender debate, and a key reason, which has been consistently brought up, is that a man’s laziness in leaving an open toilet seat not only inconveniences the woman, but also ruins the Feng Shui of the bathroom. Feng Shui is a concept common in China, concerned with governing spatial arrangement and orientation in relation to the flow of energy. Followers of this belief system state that when the toilet seat is left open it will consume a substantial amount of energy associated with wealth and happiness. Therefore in order to keep the Feng Shui in place, we are told to always shut the toilet seat after use. However, naturally following on with this stream of logic, surely a much greater leakage of energy would result from wastefully flushing away the contents of the toilet, for you will be sure to loose a brown nutty element of your Feng Shui. Therefore let the Feng Shui build up, immerse the room with its pungent aroma of wealth and happiness, and if the toilet becomes full, then simply move onto the sink and take a Feng Shui in there too, as long as the plug is secure.
“You should realize that a man is kindly teaching you an important life lesson. You’re welcome” Another argument concerning the toilet seat debate is that it is not the woman’s job to check everything is in order before she sits down. This is due to the fact that men stand in front of the toilet and look down at it to aim, so it is inevitable that they will notice if the seat is up or down, and therefore are able to adjust accordingly. Failure to do so can apparently result in a female entering the toilet without looking, blindly sitting down, only to realize afterwards that the toilet seat remains upright, and she’s therefore slipped into the dark, damp depths of the toilet for eternity, with no means of escape. However, this occasion can only arise from a woman walking into the bathroom and recklessly sitting down with complete and utter trust that the layout is as she expects. Well surely this is no way to live your life, as the philosopher Immanuel Kant proclaims, we cannot objectively know anything. To quote Kant, ‘It is beyond a doubt that all our knowledge begins with experience.’ And what experience is there to incorporate in this scenario? That men are not reliable sources to trust with the task of placing the toilet seat down after use. You can’t go on through life with these blind expectations of things to be as you expect them, imagine blindly stepping out into the road, expecting it to be free of traffic, only to be hit by an oncoming bus. You must prepare for all angles of adversity that life throws at you, therefore next time you feel the anger bubble inside you as the toilet seat is left upright, realize that the man is kindly teaching you an important life lesson. You’re welcome.
T
he ‘most annoying male habit,’ according to a new survey of 1,165 women, is leaving the toilet seat up. Frankly, I agree. This problem for women is age old – as old perhaps as the invention of the modern toilet itself. And the fact that women have had to live with it for five hundred years since is mortifying.
“The entire floor knew of their misdoings and coupled with a scandalous Pull Cam picture, it was quite a story” Obviously, how much it really bothers a lady depends on how often they’ve had to deal with the problem. One of my friends has been sharing a house with three lads for the last two years now and I can only imagine her contempt when she walks to the bathroom, groggy eyed and possibly a little hung-over from a night out in the Toon, only to find that one of her mates has left the seat up again. She often arrives at our morning lectures saying “there should be a law against not putting the toilet seat back down”. Although I probably wouldn’t take it that far, I can definitely sympathize. Forget the antiquated notion of chivalry and courtesy, it’s about statistics, hygiene and the fact that it could end up as a very embarrassing story for some. Let’s go in order, shall we? First of all, statistically speaking, the seat needs to be down more often than up – as men need to sit on the toilet sometimes too. Simples. Secondly, recent studies say that you should not just put the toilet seat down but in fact close the entire lid: especially to protect airborne viruses like the winter vomiting bug from spreading! And any bathroom with a toothbrush less than 6 feet away from the toilet seat (which basically covers any kind of student accommodation except perhaps that huge penthouse that very rah friend of yours got as part of his trust fund) should have the toilet cover down. Finally for the embarrassing story. In my first year I lived on an all-girl floor at Castle Leazes where I had to share bathrooms with 15 other girls. One night we decided to save dough and have a girly pyjama party, and everyone on the floor turned up bar one friend. At some point we decided we all had to answer nature’s call but when we got to the toilets, we noticed that the toilet seat was up. This could only mean one thing - there was a boy on the floor. For the poor girl that spent the night with him, coming into the toilet the next morning and seeing the toilet seat up was only a gentle reminder of the mistakes of a drunken night past. The entire floor knew of their misdoings and coupled with a scandalous Pull Cam picture, it was quite a story. So boys, I think you know the moral of this cautionary tale. By Jack Adcock and Shivangi Kumra
Beat the mid-term blues By Charlotte Maxwell
The rock ‘n’ roll (AKA The Finish) Now the man is back in control and it’s time to complete the job. This one involves legs in the air and a good solid rhythm. It allows good depth and therefore a lot of noise; making us feel like Rocco Siffredi, better known as the ‘Italian stallion’. I haven’t met a girl yet who doesn’t love it so you should have no issue persuading your woman to make this your finishing move. Have fun. By Jake Hughes
Chicken and chocolate: Renowned cure to the many torments that constitute ‘life’, food will give you a nice lift. The standard student pick-me-up is most likely to be a toastie (be it of various and rather odd fillings) but there’s plenty of foods out there that possess many mood-boosting qualities. For example, both chicken and dark chocolate increase the levels of serotonin released by the body, giving a great lift in mood… maybe eat them separately though. Sex: Before or after sleep (whatever suits you). If you have a willing partner, why not release some happy endorphins together? Sleep: Having optimum sleep is crucial to avoid being that ‘I despise mornings’ person. The sleep foundation suggests that somewhere between 7-9 hours is the optimum time for adults (depending on your body’s attitude). Oversleeping will make you groggy and unsociable so make sure you don’t overdo it. Need sleep desperately? Taking a twenty minute power nap should resolve that.
SHAG safe For free sexual health advice and guidance (and free condoms) try S.H.A.G days on the first Tuesday of every month at the Union.
Look good, feel good: Looking after yourself will help eliminate the blues- all you need to do is ask your aunty Gok if you need further confirmation (refer to 4OD). So, whether it’s buying yourself a new dress or getting your eyebrows threaded you’ll feel a whole lot better. Short on cash? Have a long bath and tend to your skin (boys this one’s for you too). Finally having ‘that catch-up’ - As the semester progresses, we have less time on our hands and find ourselves always pushing back planned meet-ups with friends. So choose a time within the next week (any longer than that and we’re back to square one) and just go for a Starbucks or a ‘spoons- whatever takes your fancy. Just make sure you do it!
Culture The Courier
.13
Monday 11 November 2013
thecourieronline.co.uk/culture
Blind Date:
Josh Batham, 3rd Year Economics meets Hazel Parnell, Lifestyle Editor and 3rd Year Media, communications and Cultural Studies
Culture Editor: Sam Summers Sections: Lifestyle, Fashion, Beauty, Arts, Music, Film, TV and Science courier.culture@ncl.ac.uk | @CourierOnline
Where? The Goose, Indigo and Sinners What they drank: Diesel, trebs and jaegerbombs followed by a takeaway pizza at the end of the night. Who paid? Josh
Josh on Hazel
Hazel on Josh Describe your first impression of him in three words... Tall, nice and confident What is your usual type and how far did Josh meet it? A boy who is funny and has a full head of hair. Must like mayonnaise and cats. He only fulfilled some of that.
Describe your first impression of her in three words... Pretty, cute, confident. What is your usual type and how far did Hazel meet it? Don’t really have one, generally good looking and fit. I’m not too specific, she has to be fun though. And yeah she was sweet!
Were there any awkward moments? He didn’t like mayonnaise. And its my favourite thing. Ever. Any weird conversation topics? I talked a lot about false black widows. And mayonnaise. I talked about mayonnaise for at least half an hour. And questioned him on why he didn’t like it. And I showed him pictures of my cats. And other people’s cats.
Any weird conversation topics? Yeah, she’s a bit weird [chuckling]. ‘What’s your favourite condiment’ question came up... She’s more than slightly obsessed with mayonnaise and cats. And she doesn’t like gravy - bang out of order that.
At any point did you understand why he was single? Because he doesn’t like mayonnaise. And feels indifferently about diet coke.
“She’s more than slightly obsessed with mayonnaise and cats. And she doesn’t like gravybang out of order that”
What were his best and worst traits? Best trait: he’s from Sheffield. Likes trebles and Sinners. Worst trait: doesn’t like mayonnaise.
What were her best and worst traits? Best: Lively, talkative and conversation wasn’t forced. Worst: Mayonnaise obsession... Got a bit weird, she used to carry a bottle around in her bag....
“I talked about mayonnaise for at least half an hour. And questioned him on why he didn’t like it. And I showed him pictures of my cats. And other people’s cats”
Why do you think she’s single? Cat lady. Maybe seems like she could be a bit too picky and she has a really hectic lifestyle. Did the ex-files come up? Nooo, the conversation never took a turn for the worst. Happy days.
Would you let him meet your Mum and Dad? (Long pause) Yeah, probably. Only if he’d be nice to my cats.
Would you let her meet your Mum and Dad? Yeah but they’d like it if I brought any girl home to be honest. But yeah they’d deffo like her because she’s from Sheffield.
Snog, shag or “See ya bye”? Oh no. I don’t like this one. Snog? Will a second date happen? A friend date...
Cheeky one: shag, marry or “See ya bye”? Shag - she’s a girl, I’m a boy, you do the maths. And not ‘see you later’ exactly but may as well.
Cute, sexy or hot? Cute.
Will a second date happen? We shall see. Don’t know if I could get over the mayonnaise thing though.
Clever, funny or sweet? Combination.
How did it end? Anything filthy? I can’t really remember too much, we had a lot of trebles. I can’t even remember getting home - I lost my keys but did have a cracking pizza.
How did it end? Any kissing? Defo no kissing. I was so drunk I can’t remember saying goodbye. I only had soup for tea. Rate yo’ date 7.5
Rate yo’ date 8
Unlucky in love? The Courier is here to help! Send your details to: c2.lifestyle@ncl.ac.uk
14.lifestyle
Monday 11 November 2013
The Courier
Lifestyle Editors: Evie O’Sullivan, Elizabeth Archer, Hazel Parnell and Katie Smith
Free Things To Do On A Night Wateroulette In... Who doesn’t want to spend their Friday night getting soaked? (I want to say wet but for all you dirty minded individuals out there you’ll get the wrong impression, although that is another option which is nearly always free.) Pick a category and write down a secret answer, (for example, if the category were Newcastle trebles bars I’d write Mimos), I then choose how many rounds of the circle we will go on for, and you then go round the circle of your pals and name a trebles bar each. If someone says Mimo’s you then throw a shot of water at them, or, if you are feeling really crazy, other drinks. Dr Pepper is a personal favourite as it’s very sticky.
Who am I?
Owen Bull
Fab or Fad?
The Fast Diet: A Fast way to get Fat?
H
ave you been feeling frumpy and jiggly? Looking for that magical, stress free way to get abs like Rosie Huntington-whitely? Perhaps intermittent fasting is the answer you have been searching for. After being linked to many celebrities including the long limbed Miranda kerr , the 5:2 diet has had a media boom of gastronomic proportion. But what exactly is this Miraculous 5:2 diet? And more importantly, will it get you the Body of a Victoria Secrets Model? The 5:2 diet is characterised as 5 days of your regular eating pattern and 2 days fasting on a mere 500 calories for women and 600 for men. It hinges on the idea that because you’re only “dieting” for 2 days out of 5 then you are of course more likely to stick to the regime. It has also claimed rather radically that it can increase your life span. Personally I feel that a small scale study carried out on rats is not sufficient evidence to claim increased life span on real people. The last time I checked the biochemistry of a rat was rather different to us two legged folk.
“This diet is a real money spinning fad with no conscience for providing sustainable eating behaviour” Now let’s get onto the NHS’s clinically reported side effects: Insomnia, irritability, anxiety, dehydration and daytime drowsiness. So if you want breath so bad your mates think you’ve had a night sleeping in a dustbin behind Sinners, then perhaps the 5:2 diet is the faddy plan for you. But since I’m pretty sure you’re not from Northumbria I’m hoping it isn’t the case. No long term human research has been carried out on intermittent fasting, which makes you wonder what potential damage this extreme eating behaviour could cause. Another large concern is the psychological effects of the diet. So called “cheating” on a fast day, brings about a large portions of guilt and a greasy side order of reduced self-worth. What’s for dessert in this wonderful psychological metaphor, sickly sweet inability to make long term healthy decisions? The emotional ups and down of dramatic spikes in blood sugar has been well documented to negatively influence mood and concentration. Having worked helping people to reduce their weight before (somewhat successfully I might add) I know that a balanced approach to eating is always the most sustainable approach to losing weight and keeping it off. On that basis I feel that this diet is a real money spinning fad with no real conscience for providing sustainable eating behaviour for the poor person desperately looking for a change. It may have a great applause from the likes of Mimi Spencer and Dr Michael Mosley. This PR dream team seem to bring an amalgamation of credibility and an army of loyal fashion readers. The pairs support for the diet has mislead people into assuming its safe and normal, But then again they are on the pay roll…
It’s very much a guessing game whereby your housemates write a person/celebrity/famous pets on a post-it-note, stick it to your forehead and you ask questions with a yes or no answer to try and work out who you are. Make it mean and write their own name on it – they’ll never guess.
Murder in the Dark
Old classics are also an excellent shout because quite simply it’s not blondes who have more fun, it’s 8 year old’s who play things like Murder in the Dark and Wink Murder, back in the days when you couldn’t understand how talking could entertain adults so much. So I propose we all play these games a little more, don’t turn your lights out to watch a movie turn them out hide and creep around screeching at the top of your voice as you feel one of your friends hopelessly groping around in the darkness towards you, much more appealing surely?
Bushtucker trials
If random people labelled as celebrities in a jungle can do it, why can’t you? Why don’t you hold your own bush trucker trials, make some revolting mixes like mayonnaise and ice cream and get your hands on some dried ants? Spend a top qual evening watching your friends squirm, squeal and retch not to mention some exquisite photographs.
It may be more appropriate on Easter but really March and April need to stop being greedy and give the other months of the year a chance for an egg hunt. They don’t need to be Easter egg hunts to be fair it could be a good old treasure hunt, as long as it is a hunt that’s the main thing. So go buy some Quality Street, hide them around the house, shout GO GO GO and your house will be on a mad one for the next 10 minutes with people scampering around here, there and everywhere.
By Suziee Cassels
Restaurant Review: Dave Kennedy’s Food Social
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reviously voted the second best restaurant in the North East by the Good Food Guide...well, it’s no place for students, right? Wrong. David Kenney’s Food Social completely dispels these preconceptions of a snobby, boring, clinical restaurant. From the second we walked in we were greeted with a friendly face and a relaxed restaurant that completely contradicted our pretentious expectations. The Food Social offers a student-friendly atmosphere. Tapas Tuesday - For only £19.95 for two people, the six tapas dishes and two glasses of (very drinkable) wine seemed like a great deal in itself. Tapas can often be disappointing in its measly portion size, but this generous tapas left us staggering home, very full and very surprised. Instead of your stodgy patatas bravas and chewy calamari, the Food Social pride themselves with British, local, Tyneside ingredients, with a contemporary twist. Out of the twelve dishes on the menu we went from Turkish lamb kofta, to Moroccan chicken tagine to British black pudding fritters. There are plenty of tapas restaurants in Newcastle, but often you walk away disappointed with the futile attempt to recreate the Spanish traditions. The Food Social have transformed the generic tapas dishes and presented us with a mouth-watering alternative. Something that really stood out for us
The 5:2 diet - fab or fad?
Fad
Treasure Hunts
By Holly Abbotson
was the incredible choice of vegetarian dishes – a lack of vegetarian meals can often be hugely disappointing for veggies. Four out of twelve dishes on the menu were suitable for vegetarians: including a taste sensation of buttery focaccia with rapeseed oil and an Egyptian side of Dukka (a nutty, seedy dip for dipping after the oil); delicious hummus and baba ghanoush; sublime goats curd and mini beets crostinis; and crispy, yummy tempura veg. If the food wasn’t enough, the flawless service was attentive, but not too imposing. The staff were so accommodating and friendly.
The restaurant itself is really beautiful and stylish. It’s attached to the Biscuit Factory (a contemporary art gallery), so the walls are decorated with some amazing art – including a huge painting of Newcastle, which really enhances the local feel. You’d expect it to be a little ostentatious, but it’s warm and comforting, and it even has numerous fires to keep you toasty. If you ever need somewhere to have girly night out, or a romantic date, or even to impress your parents (maybe go for the a la carte menu though!), the Food Social is a restaurant that offers luxury without the price tag.
“The Food Social have transformed the generic tapas dishes and presented us with a mouth watering alternative”
The Biscuit Factory 6 Stoddart St, Newcastle upon Tyne, NE2 1AN, 0191 261 1103
The Courier
lifestyle.15
Monday 11 November 2013
thecourieronline.co.uk/lifestyle c2.lifestyle@ncl.ac.uk | @Courier_Life
Ask Uncle LeBron
Wassup homeslice! Uncle LeBron here, Castle Leazes’ third best rapper and sixth biggest baller, your bestie from another teste. Now I know times is tough like my rhymes is rough, but just come take a seat here on my lap - mind the erection - and I promise I’ll make it all better for y’all. Swerve. “The fireworks are keeping me up at night and I need to study. What should I do?”
Is yaw bitchass a fresher? If y’all a fresher shut that stupid face, tawkin bowt “work”. Does LeBron look like a bitch to you? If y’all older than a JLS fan then hear this - they pissing on ur bonfire? Make like a basement, Jack... smack a bitch up #guyforks
Illustration by Caroline Mackrill
“LeBron I need a job, what’s the best way to get one?”
“LeBron when is it too early to put Christmas decorations up?” Yo, do I ask u when it’s too early to scratch my mansack? Your house, your rules #climbmynorthpole
“Who do you think should win X Factor?”
Awh vodka emptying yaw wallet faster than shit off a shovel? Brothers and sisters a feel ya pain. Pester till they fester fool, CV after CV after CV till a bitch be sweeping floors for dough. If y’all not got balls the answer is always wap out those bewbs #tigoldbitties
Jigglypuff. LeBron has rashes he pays more attention to fool #eczemaactor
If y’all have any problems and are in real need of Uncle LeBron’s words of wisdom then holla at your dawg: c2.lifestyle@ncl.ac.uk
#1
LeBron transcribbled by David Leighton
What do your knickers say about you? Day of the week pants
The girl who wears the day of the week pants can be found in the Robinson library organising her diary and ticking off her to-do list. You can bet this innocent little flower has got her pants neatly folded in her top drawer next to her colour coordinated socks. Our sensible sister will never be caught with a treble in her hand as only one vodka can tip her over the edge! A three day hangover is not what this
#2
girl needs with her jam-packed timetable and next week’s looming deadline. A cup of decaf tea and an episode of Emmerdale is more up this girls street. Day of the week pants girl never has a bad word to say about anyone and is usually happy and cheery but God forbid you catch her wearing her Friday knickers on a Tuesday.
Boxers
Our boxer wearing babe can usually be spotted running around the pitch, be it rugby or hockey. A swift shower and fresh pair of briefs and this girl is straight down to the pub getting the pints in. Practical over pretty in the knicker department, boxer-girl says no to strings and frills. She’d rather be comfortable sitting with the lads watching the footie than worried about the cheese
#3 French Knickers
With a raspberry cosmopolitan in hand, the girl who wears French knickers is most likely to be seen in one of the Toon’s trendiest cocktail bars. Surrounded by her girlfriends, this classy lady is never short of an admirer. Not one for a grimey student night out, this flirty frenchie would rather be wined and dined in her new Kurt Geigers.
#4
Always up to date and on time, she likes to keep on top of her uni work as well as being a social butterfly. Her extra curricular activities include reading the latest fashion magazines and scrolling through tinder for her next match hoping to find the one. Don’t be fooled by pretty face, this girl’s got a naughty side.
This thong wearing diva will be caught shaking her stuff on TupTup dance floor every weekend. She will most likely be wearing her tight body con dress so her favourite thong is perfect for no VPL. This rebellious chick will rarely be seen
My Unfortunate Life #3
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s term pushes on, whilst my shingles have gone (yes), it has also hampered my immune system. So as I saw the back of one illness, I have been struck down by the most hideous cold. In fact let’s call it flu. I have a nose that’s running like Niagara Falls and a throat that feels like it has swallowed a pack of Wilkinson Sword Quattro’s. Although, as I’m sure you are all quickly beginning to learn, this hardly constitutes the ‘bad hand’ that life has decided to deal me. But oh no, life has certainly been there waiting to call my bluff. It all began with an incredibly unfortunate incident in December last year. For one of my house mate’s birthdays, we decided to host a ‘ghetto fabulous house party’. All efforts went into decorating the house – we even ventured into the skips of supermarkets to acquire heaps of cardboard to protect the carpets. Unfortunately, while we focussed our energies on our dollar sign decor, we forgot about the slightly important job of sound proofing. At 10.30pm when the DJ turned up to set up decks and speakers, it began to dawn on us that the tiny bit of insulation wool we had taped to the window was not going to cut it. These speakers were the biggest I had ever seen. Even without the base blasting, the windows were already rattling with fear. As soon as we pressed ‘play’, they were practically having an epileptic fit. Despite the structure of our house being in serious jeopardy, we all had a few drinks inside us and there was a party to host. The first guests started to arrive. The next knock at the door brought some guests that definitely weren’t invited. The police. After all the house members had been summoned into the kitchen, names and course details taken, it was 11pm and the party was already a flop. Vain attempts were made to get things going again, but this simply resulted in another trip from our good friends the city council telling us to keep the noise down. It wasn’t long before everybody scuttled off home. Time passed and we were left with the shame of an unsuccessful party (although our carpets were spotlessly clean!) One unsuspecting day, the post arrived – post seems to be a bit of a theme in my unfortunate life –we had all been asked to go into the police station and sign an ‘Acceptable Behaviour Agreement’. This basically meant if we were ever caught making noise again, very bad things would happen. Oh, and a casual £50 fine from uni. Great.
“Time passed and we were left with the shame of an unsuccessful party”
Crotchless
Our crotchless kitten is a wild one. Most commonly found hanging out of the Sinners’ cage and showing off her perfected slutdrop. Beer goggles on, she’ll later be seen stumbling to the Bigg Market for a chippy, hand-in-hand with her latest victim. Little does he know, he’ll be in for an eventful and eye-opening experience. As a member of the pole dancing society, she has certainly
#5 Thong
string between her cheeks. Boxer girl will most definitely be found with her teammates at Wednesday’s sport social modelling this weeks fancy dress theme, from OAP to cave-girl, you name it she’s done it. This girl has a laid back attitude to life, you can bet she’s a good friend to rely on and she’s always up for a laugh.
Suzie Bliss
got some sexy moves. The little crotchless minx can be found browsing the walls of Ann Summers for her latest kinky number to add to her collection. When she is not gossiping about last nights antics, she will be working hard in uni as she is definitely a woman who knows what she wants.
on campus as she will still be recovering from the night before. Thong girl is into her music and will snap up any chance for a dance. She is confident and sexy, and is guaranteed to turn a few heads.
Cass Walkland and Meg Garforth
Until this term we have gone about our daily lives in an apparently quiet enough manner. We decided to host a civilised dinner party to celebrate one my housemate’s 21st beeday’s. The evening was a complete success. Until 11p.m. rolled around and there was a knock at the door: the police again. They were calling in response to another noise complaint. This time however all music was off and half of us had retired early to bed. We were told they’d be round the next day to take down our names. Anxiety was building and so at 2pm when they knocked at our door for a third time, it seemed like the obvious thing to do was sprint out of the back door, in PJs and bare-foot. And so, I found myself feeling like a true criminal, on the run through the streets of Jesmond, beginning to pray that some good luck would soon come my way.
16.fashion
Monday 11 November 2013
The Courier
Fashion Editors: Frances Stephenson and Amy O’Rourke Deputy Fashion Editor: Bex Finney
Campus fashion
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my’s style epitomises off duty chic. The key to her look is her well put together accessories; I love her ballerina pumps in this season’s hottest shade- sorbet dusty pink. They look perfect for slouching around lectures or the library. Her bag is ideal for sweeping the contents of your desk into if you’re in a rush.
T
op marks to Philip and his excellent choice of knitwear. A warming essential for the Northern chill, his checkerboard jumper is building on the sports lux trend of AW13 for guys and girls alike. Great hair too.
S
Islam Zhumag azin Accounting an d Finance
Literature Sarah Napier 2nd year Engli sh
Philip B eahon 3rd year Law
Amy Cousins 1st year English Lit and Lang
Our street stylist on campus Anna Goodman- Jones, features her pick of the best dressed among us, who, despite the winter chill, have brought their fashion A-game (even if it’s just to the library)
arah shows us how to pull off a warm but stylish coat, the faux fur is ideal for keeping your neck cosy and vibing the Downton Abbey 1920s look. I love the burgundy colour of the coat, the rich wine shade is so in at the moment. Think a well-matured bottle of red and you’ve got the picture.
I
slam’s main style point is his beanie, a student essential for covering up unruly locks or just laziness when you can’t be bothered to wash it. His big hood adds extra hiding power for when you just want to escape the rain, wind and cold. Cosy.
The Courier
fashion.17
Monday 11 November 2013
thecourieronline.co.uk/fashion c2.fashion@ncl.ac.uk | @Courier_Fashion
Winter warmers
The clocks have gone back and the weather is reaching sub-zero temperatures which means only one thing: winter has arrived. Hannah Fitton gives us her pick of a warm and cosy accessories that will inject life and warmth into your winter wardrobe Shawl - Matalan £25
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urling up in a shawl is the best way to survive a lecture on a cold morning. This season shawls have sprung up everywhere and in different print and textures you can find one for any occasion. This shawl from Matalan is ideal, in this season’s hottest print, check, it is on trend and at £25 it does not stretch your budget.
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Snood - Topshop £25
s the weather takes its toll our beloved winter coat can begin to look drab over the season. A snood is the perfect accessory to refresh your coat without investing in a new one. The Lux Twist Fur Snood by Topshop is ideal, with its faux fur texture it is on trend whilst keeping our necks toasty. This snood comes in a variety of colours, yet the mustard one, seen below, caught my eye due to its unusual colour that will also compliment most outfits.
Gilet - River Island £150
T
he feature of every shop window display and magazine spread is the ultimate winter staple, the fur gilet. Worn in the day over jersey dresses or at night paired with black skinny jeans it immediately updates your outfit whilst keeping you warm. This fur gilet by River Island is divine, made of Mongolian fur it is has a unique shaggy look which is emphasised in the colour burgundy. At £150 it is an investment but with Christmas approaching it is one for the list.
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Mittens - Next £14
ittens are a great twist on a normal pair of gloves. Yes, they do hamper most day-to-day activities but they keep your hands snug and warm, personally I know which I prefer. Made of faux shearling material these mittens from Next are perfect and at £14 they are a steal too.
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Ear Muffs - Topshop £12
he earmuff is the one accessory I have always been scared to wear. Maybe it’s the fear of looking eight years old again or maybe it’s the risk of loss of hearing, I’m not quite sure. However, the freezing Newcastle temperatures have pushed those fears aside leaving me eager to buy a pair. The Multi Feather Ear Muff from Topshop ticks all the boxes, it comes in black with feather adornments that make it unique and its faux fur material keep your ears nice and warm.
Bonfire burners Vintage steals Missguided
Kathryn Holland tells us which trends she will be gladly using as firelighters this Guy Fawkes night
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Coloured Fur
hey may look fun, but believe me the only the only fun thing about these coats is how quickly they’ll burn due to the amount of acrylic in them. I love fur (the faux kind of course) but, would I ever stray away from brown, black or grey? No. Not even for fancy dress.
Roll neck sweaters
Y Debenhams
es it’s cold outside, but seriously people invest in a scarf and not a jumper that makes you look like Howard Wolowitz from The Big Bang Theory. If you are serious about this autumn trend however, go for a slouchier more relaxed neck that avoids the chance of looking like you’re being strangled by your own sweater.
The low heel
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nly one step away from the dreaded kitten heel, need I say more? If you want something with a bit of lift to wear during the day try a wedged boot or platform instead. Please.
Fashion Editor Frances Stephenson gives you a heads up on an ethical vintage sale which won’t burn a hole in your pocket
I
f, like me, you get the occasional, slightly manic, insatiable impulse to shop, I would recommend visiting a charity shop to quench these fiery desires. For the sake of your bank balance, conscience and general mental well being I always find that buying a new item from a charity shop makes me feel more ethical whilst doing my bit for charity (in my own special way). The British Red Cross Newcastle is located near Grainger Market and has a sumptuous selection of vintage delights for both men and women, so their vintage evening will be well worth a visit. In contrast to the massive vintage fairs that are, in my opinion, overpriced, you can be assured that your vintage purchase is going to a worthy cause. The store is opening specially for one night only for all you vintage lovers and in addition to the usual plaid shirts and slogan tees, the store also offers a selection of designer gear. I have seen Burberry rain macs, Barbour jackets and Fred Perry polo tops amongst their selection of designer offerings. There is also a promise of tea and cake, all going towards the Red Cross’ efforts in places that really need help. The Red Cross aims are to teach first aid to anyone who needs it, in order to allow the majority of the population know what to do in a crisis. In addition, they support refugees in places of conflict.
18.beauty
Monday 11 November 2013
The Courier
Beauty Editors: Safiya Ahmed and Amy Macauley
L’Occitane Skin Analysis
Rosie Bonner shares her skin analysis experience at L’Occitane and tells us why we should throw out the make up wipes
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s far as a skincare routine and me go, it’s all a bit of a disaster. Even without the time I accidentally used Dettol toilet wipes on my face thinking they were my makeup wipes, my skin could do with some improving. So, to see if I could turn it around, now that Freshers’ is over and winter is coming, I went down to L’Occitane in Eldon Square for one of their free skincare consultations. There, I met the lovely Kat who politely pretended not to notice the fake Halloween blood still stuck to my face. L’Occitane skin consultations generally include a hydration analysis followed by a discussion about your skin type. Kat used a snazzy pen which she pressed to my skin to give me a hydration reading out of 100. Mine came back as 56 which is, apparently, fairly normal - not too greasy, not too dry. She then had a look at my skin and pointed out that it looked sensitive, which it definitely is. L’Occitane have skin care designed for most skin types, and Kat recommended their ‘Shea Butter Collection’ for me. She explained that Shea is particularly good for sensitive skin as it’s the closest to the natural oils in your face. I also liked the sound of the range because it’s sustainably sourced as part of a Fairtrade program in Burkina Faso, so it’s guilt-free too! Then the awkward bit came, the bit I’d been dreading, the sheepish “urmm... I don’t really have a skincare routine” bit. Kat rightly told me that make-up remover wipes are a real mistake: while they might be accessible, they are really bad for the skin. So, no matter how drunk/tired/lazy I’m feeling, they need to stop! Instead, she recommended the old cleanse, tone, moisturise routine and gave me some samples to try. Interestingly, skin takes 28 days to rejuvenate, so it’s completely normal to break out within the first 4-5 days of changing your skincare range. It’s just your skin getting rid of all the old nasties.
“Make-up remover wipes are a real mistake: while they might be accessible, they are really bad for the skin” Finally we talked about anti-ageing. Wrinkles might feel a long way off, but Kat told me the sooner you start using products like eye creams, the better. Using them when you are young works as a great preventative. I tried out L’Occitane’s ‘Creme Divine’ which Harper’s Bazaar voted best anti-aging cream in their ‘Beauty Hot 100’ List. It took a little while to soak in but left my skin glowing and not at all greasy. Whilst I’d never even been into L’Occitane before, it’s definitely a place I’ll be visiting again. Along with skincare consultations, they also do facials and complimentary hand massages, both of which I’m keen to try out. So far, I’ve become obsessed with their ‘Ultra Rich Shea Face Cream’, which is very gentle and leaves my skin insanely soft. Plus, since going, I haven’t used a make-up wipe once. I
Kim Kardashian Kontour Contouring is a technique used to define the face by using light and shade to create an illusion of chiselled features. Alice Potts demonstrates how to emphasize all the right areas.
H
ighlighting and contouring can add definition and sculpture to the face. It creates deep-set cheekbones, slimmer jawline and a neater nose, whilst highlighting the apples of your cheeks and brightening your eyes. Kim Kardashian is renowned for using the technique to enhance the bone structure of her face. Here are some tips and tricks for achieving the look: 1. To begin, cleanse the face and apply moisturiser to let the foundation blend evenly and smoothly on top. Use an oil-free moisturiser as it helps prevent blemishes. 2. Next, it’s time to highlight. Apply an illuminating concealer to the centre of your chin, the bridge of your nose, your t-zone (in between your eyebrows and extending into the forehead), and in large triangles underneath the eyes. You can also
apply concealer underneath the cheekbones in diagonal stripes on each cheek to further define the cheekbone. 3. Now, add the contour. You can use a darker shade foundation to contrast with the concealer and add definition. To apply the bronzer use a Kabuki brush to create cheekbones. Sweep the bronzer diagonally in the hollows of your cheeks (sucking them in whilst applying helps create definition), and along the jawline. Next, using a blush brush, apply the product to the temples, brow bones and down the sides of the nose. 4. Now its time to blend it all together. Using an expert face brush, in a circular motion starting at the temples blend the two colours together. Eliminate any harsh lines and shapes to give an even, smooth finish. I added a small amount of my daily foundation to help merge the contours. Once blended, if you want to create sharper contours go over the hollows of your cheeks with sweepings of bronzer. This helps to create some contrast. To set the make-up use a light coloured powder, concentrating on under the eyes and the t-zone again. 5. Then, add some colour to the apples of your cheeks. This brightens and warms the face adding a healthy complexion. 6. I completed the look with a flash of mascara applied to curled eyelashes and liquid eyeliner to give a cat-eye finish. I then sculpted my eyebrows with pencil and contoured your eyelids with matte eyeshadow. Lastly, I lined the lips and applied a
sheer lipstick in a tawny pink shade to complete the look.
Key Products used: Maybelline’s ‘Dream Lumi Touch Concealer’ in Ivory 01 L’Oreal’s ‘True Match Foundation’ in Golden Beige D3 W3 Nars’ ‘Laguna Bronzer’ Rimmel’s ‘Stay Matte Pressed Powder’ in Warm Beige 006 Kevin Aucoin’s eyebrow pencil in Brunette
I Don’t Think You’re Ready For This Jelly
Review: Melvita ‘Royal Jelly’
Melvita says: ‘‘Melvita ‘Royal Jelly Ampoule’ is a perfect cure when the seasons change. It will help give you vitality and energy.’’ We put these claims to the test and found the results somewhat bee-zarre. I can now see through time and play the piano at a Grade 8 level. Thanks Royal Jelly. Tom Nicholson
I felt, quite frankly, spectacular. However, I found myself strangely attracted to bees. Ian Mason
Trying Melvita’s ‘Royal Jelly’ I can safely say made no change to how I felt and I wasn’t left revitalised. However I think this is a product which you need to take over a consecutive period of time to see the results, one wasn’t enough. A good idea though. Alice Potts
My hearing and sight have significantly improved and I can sense the fear of the humans around me. On a more negative note, there’s a constant buzzing in my mind and I’ve turned yellow and black in places. Muneeb Hafiz
Despite the ominous glass container of this mysterious magic liquid, which you drink (it wasn’t initially all that obvious to me!), it does actually work a little de-toxing wonder. I woke up feeling bloated and a bit ‘eurgh’, but not long after I genuinely felt content - which I can only put down to having this capsule. A worthy little cleanser! Harriet Sale
When I find myself in times of trouble, Royal Jelly comes to me, speaking words of wisdom, let it bee.... Beth Durant
After one vial of Royal Jelly, I felt nothing. A few hours later, I chanced a second vial, and my life changed forever as all of my darkness turned to light #buzzing Sam Summers
Disappointingly un-jelly like in texture, but who knew a honey-bee’s secretion would be nature’s true gift to the world. Afterwards you feel like you can float like a butterfly but sting like a bee. Jacob Crompton-Schreiber
The Courier
beauty.19
Monday 11 November
thecourieronline.co.uk/beauty courier.beauty@ncl.ac.uk | @Courier_Beauty
Blokey Beauty: Movember
The power of the ’tache
Growing a moustache is a serious business and with a great ’tache comes great power. Tom Tibble explains how a moustache can change the man you are.
Review: Wilson Barbershop
Exhibit B:
Here you have a man shocked about something insignificant – maybe the park bench he just sat down on was a little damp, maybe the headphones he just put in were set at a higher volume than he had anticipated, maybe it was more than just a fart? Again, whatever induced this man’s shock is no where near as earth-shattering as to what induced shock to the man on his right. He’s shocked at his latest water bill, he’s shocked that his 3-year-old daughter can swear, he’s shocked that Leonardo DiCaprio has never won an Oscar.
Exhibit C: Here is a man singing, it might sound out of tune but it’s probably relatively harmless. However, once a spindly erect ’tache is added to the face, the singing ceases to be anything but a brutal murder of the ears. Go Compare, f*ck off !
Exhibit D:
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ere are a few examples of how one simple section of upper lip hair can radicalise a man’s whole persona, welcome to the formidable force of nature that is The ‘Tache:
Exhibit A:
On the left you have a man angry over something insignificant – perhaps this fellow dipped a Hobnob into his morning cuppa, a segment of which got soggy and is subsequently forming a biscuit-y sediment at the bottom of his mug? Perhaps this fellow has just seen the dustbin
On the left is a weak excuse to draw a pen cock in the student newspaper. Once a ’tache is added, it is yet another opportunity to draw a pen cock in the student newspaper. This pen cock, however, does somehow carry a more sophisticated look - and that just shows the power of the ’tache. lorry pass by his house and has suddenly remembered that he never put the rubbish out that morning? Perhaps he just sneezed awfully and snotted all over his favourite Atomic Kitten album? Whatever it was, it pales in comparison to the anger of the man to his right. And why? Because the man on the right has a fierce little ’tache that means serious business – he’s angry that his wife left him for another man, he’s angry that his neighbour’s dog’s faeces nearly blinded his child, he’s angry that a Freddo now costs 18p.
Want to participate? Grow a moustache for the whole of November, and wear it proudly! Often the bolder, more horrendous moustaches prove to be the best at promoting the cause. You should ask your friends and family to sponsor your effort by donating on the Movember website. The standard procedure is to start clean shaven but for those that struggle to muster up any kind of facial hair, giving yourself a head start is still well within the spirit of the cause.
Movemberwatch: week 1
We follow three macho Movemberers through their journey in growing the ultimate ‘tache. Here Tom Tibble, Ed Blackwell and Tom Sanderson take us through their quest. Who will be crowned the champion?
Clean-shaven Ed
Bog Standard Tom Top Contender Tom
After numerous bad experiences in the barber’s chair, we sent Matt Antoniak to review Wilson Barbershop to see if he can overcome his fear of the hairdresser’s scissors. Over my 22 years I have suffered at the hands of many a poor barber. Barbers previously have chopped, hacked and scythed their way through my unkempt mop and all to no avail. So I was understandably somewhat nervous in getting my first professional hair cut after all these years. Would my housemates have to do another DIY rescue job with the kitchen scissors? Would I end up looking like the dark-haired one from the Great British Bake Off again? Thankfully, none of this was the case. Upon my arrival I was greeted by the very friendly owner, Robyn, who quickly calmed any jangling nerves. She ushered me into the chair and made me a coffee – this was easily already the best barbershop experience I’d had. I soon found myself enjoying the head shampoo and massage too. Not even when ‘You Make Me Feel Like A Natural Woman’ came on the radio did I feel uncomfortable. Instead, I just soaked it up, feeling as cool as the bloke from the Southern Comfort ad.
“Not even when ‘You Make Me Feel Like a Natural Woman’ came on the radio did I feel uncomfortable”
The cut too was an accomplished job. The effervescent Robyn seemed to understand exactly what I wanted and went about the job efficiently whilst she entertained me with stories about her summer and we chatted about how funny grandads can be. In fact the whole experience was thoroughly enjoyable – and that is not something I think I have ever said about a haircut. Conveniently located in South Gosforth (right next to the Metro station) and boasting £5 student cuts on a Tuesday and Wednesday, it really is worth a trip. Wilson Barbershop Co, Station Rd, Gosforth NE3 1QD 07921 807001
M
eet clean-shaven Ed. He doesn’t stand a chance. None of the candidates started with a blank canvas except this guy, whose canvas will inevitably stay blank for the rest of the competition and possibly the rest of his life. What this guy lacks in hair, however, he more than makes up for in ideas. Rumour has it that Ed’s latest mo-growing ploy is to smear ground up coffee beans into his upper lip. In his defence there’s no evidence to say it won’t work.
I
ntroducing bog standard Tom, he also doesn’t stand a chance of winning the competition but he may well not come last - or third as we’d rather call it. In previous years he has tried (and failed) to grow facial hair but as The Courier’s male beauty guru he may have a few tricks up his sleeve and who knows, this way well be his year. Having said that, it may sound defeatist, but Ed and Tom should probably not set their expectations too high this season.
A
nd now to our probable champion and the bookmakers’ favourite: enter Tom. It may seem naïve to make such judgements so early in the season but just look at the photographs – it makes bleak viewing for Clean-shaven Ed and Bog Standard Tom. Rugged and hairy, Top Contender Tom is way out in front, already sporting a lovely mo and beard combination.
IT’S TIME TO MAKE YOUR VOICE HEARD E lections and the results really do make a major impact on how your Union is run and that is why it is important to vote. This is an opportunity that only happens twice a year, where the power to decide is placed directly into your hands. The races for some of this November’s elections will be fiercely contested, with elaborate campaigns trying to win your vote and so please make sure you use it. You may feel that these elections don’t make any difference to your life or time here at Newcastle, but even so voting is right you should not give up. I know it seems totally ridiculous to compare the election of Freshers’ Week Organisers to that of a US President but to show how important voting is on a larger scale, in 2000 Bush won the state of Florida and subsequently the US Presidency by 543 votes – a decision that affected millions. Do not compare the two, but just remember that
FRESHERS’ WEEK ORGANISERS Freshly Squeezed
each vote really can have a huge impact and the change it makes can be dramatic. So although your vote won’t decide the US foreign policy for the next four years it might well change the fancy dress 4,000 freshers will be buying in September next year! Calum Mackenzie - President How do I vote? Visit nusu.co.uk/vote andlog in using your student details where you’ll see a list of ballots. In our SU, we use the Alternative Vote system so you rank the candidates in order of preference. A candidate wins when they have 50 percent plus one vote. If this is not reached in the first round of voting, then the candidate with the lowest votes is removed and their second votes are counted. This is repeated until there is a winner. Voting is open from 4pm on Monday 11th until 12pm on Thursday 14th.
Fresh Meat
The Courier
elections.2
Monday 11 November 2013
Hi! We’re Chris, Mike, Bex and Sumayya and we are... Freshly Squeezed! • We aim to bring you the biggest and best festivals of the world right here to Newcastle! • Live the world by day. Love the world by night. Festival of Colour! Think bright. Think bold. Think paint. Freshtival! Wellies & Sunnies at the ready! Back to the indie, rock and pop! Ibiza rocks Newcastle! Bringing the Ibiza beat to the Newcastle streets. The Brazillian! Filling the gate with the spirit of Rio! Spring break is Pandamonium From Florida to Cancun, The USA’s best party – Spring Break. At a venue with capacity for all!! Alternative nights • British street party
• Oktoberfest • “Newcastle” Fringe fest comedy night • Film festival • Hideout silent disco
Let Fresh Meat take you on a trip around the world: Freshers’ Week 2014!
Not a fresher? Not a problem. • 1 wristband gives entry to the last two nights • Food discounts
Great Britain • Union Jack’s at full mast, entertaining Fresher’s with British favourites. • Epic Great British Bar Tour in red, white and blue fancy dress!
Activities: Societies showcased all day every day in Venue. Live music & DJ’s throughout the day Experience We have invaluable Rag Crew, Fresher’s crew & supervisor experience Project management experience gained from music festivals and gigs. Enthusiasm and the passion to make this the best Fresher’s week ever! Sending you all lots of “Freshly Squeezed” Love!! Chris, Mike, Bex and Sumayya Xxxx
We would aim to organise…
Asia • Think henna tattoos, Asian cuisine and Bollywood dancing! • Our union becomes a panda infested jungle for the infamous Pandamonium! Africa • Celebrate with tribal culture and exotic animals. • Survival of the fittest on our African Safari around Newcastle’s watering holes! Brazil • Recreate the 2014 World Cup with our Rio Carnival day and night! • Think samba, feathers, UV paint and firework
POSTGRADUATE OFFICER
display! USA • Entertainment from across the pond; sports, candyfloss and fairground rides! • Smarten up for our Hollywood Freshers Ball at the Gate, open to returning students, complete with spot lights, red carpet and killer acts! Convinced yet? • Pre-fresher’s quiz and society showcase night aimed at locals and internationals. • Friday ‘touch down’ with home comforts for recuperation. • Enhanced use of university media. • Added society led activities. • 12 weeks experience on Freshers’ and RAG crew, with numerous society links and committee positions. Vote #1 Fresh Meat for the most vibrant Freshers’ Week yet! Hazel, Emil, Kayleigh and Shaun xxx
Achint Soni
Jiahui Lin
Gurleen Padda
Ying Zhang
As the Postgraduate Officer I will pay special attention to the following areas,
Hi everyone, my name is Lin Jiahui, a Chinese girl who studying Banking and Finance as her major and you can also call me Vivienne. I am here to compete to be the Postgraduate Officer. My English is good and I have very good communicating skills as well, which helps me to communicate or transfer information more effectively. My experience of being an assistant manager in bank improve my ability of dealing with dynamic situation and also, ability of working as a team. Besides, I hope I can live my life in Newcastle University through a more meaningful way of helping as much students as I can if I took this job. Please give me chance to prove myself that I can be a very nice staff and I am exactly the person whom you are looking for.
Education is all about completing your personality. Postgraduate level of studies is a package which transforms a student into a stronger person to face the real world. Studying abroad is yet a best experience and an opportunity to get the right exposure. I being an international student myself can understand the challenges of every non-native student away from their home country. I shall hereby strive to meet every expectation put forth thus making studies a memorable experience.
I am Ying Zhang. I want to be a postgraduate officer. In any situation, regardless of how difficult it may be, I will try my best to communicate with more students, assist more senior officers and work harder for the job. Any choice can make sense, but your choice for me will be a great difference.
• I will try and create an official database with the help of the University, of the funding and scholarships available for different PhDs across the different departments of the University and throughout the UK to make funding more accessible to students who wish to pursue further education. • I will make sure that emphasis is laid on jobs and try and organise a new jobs fair that would bring the smaller companies from around the UK, especially from the North East, to make it easier for students. • I would try and increase the influence of Rise up within the postgraduate community in the University, by encouraging and organising sessions for students who would like to start their own businesses. • Being an International student, I will try and represent the international postgraduate students and give them a platform to voice their concerns with the help of the International officer. He’s Rad! Soni for PostGrad!
RACIAL EQUALITY OFFICER
Varunkumar Virani
Hi friends! My name is Varun Virani and I am a third year Engineering student at Newcastle University from India. I am a strong believer of the fact that racial equality and prosperity on campus can be achieved only if we have cooperation among all sections of the university. I wish this job role never existed. That is what I will be working towards. Racism can be stopped only if we speak out against it. Thus if elected for this role, I will: Highlight the importance of this role to ensure that students know where to take their issues to. Plan cultural events to motivate and celebrate diversity on campus. Also, invite guest speakers or anyone willing to speak about racism and human rights. Get associated with different societies and students from various racial and cultural backgrounds to promote prosperity. Monitor any instances or complaints about racial discrimination. Allow people to express their views through the use of social media. Don’t vote for me. Vote for yourself! I am just going to be your voice at the union.
3.elections
Monday 11 November 2013
NUS DELEGATES
The Courier
Luke Neal
Jocelyn Hickey
Emily Horswill
Joel Cave
I am a 3rd year history and politics student involved in Newcastle Free Education Network. This term we have been organising support for striking staff and weekly discussions on sexism, anti-fascism and privatisation. I am also a member of the National Campaign Against Fees and Cuts, which organises the student left within and outside NUS. As a revolutionary socialist I advocate free education which democratically organised by and for students and workers. I believe the National Union of Students is complicit in a number of the devastating changes underway in higher education – namely, privatisation, tuition fees and cuts. It is actively hostile to those it should work with for a better education system and society. Where it has good policies – such as opposition to the ongoing privatisation of the NHS – its right-wing officers and bureaucracy refuse to carry it out. However, as an affiliate of NUS, we need to involve principled, left-wing students in its conferences and events to create a democratic and bottom-up federation of students’ unions that fights fees and cuts. Vote for me to campaign for what we need: a Union that doesn’t merely represent us as consumers, but one which empowers students to win *free* education.
I am a third year Politics student that believes our student union, and the student body as a whole, should take a stand against the privatisation of our university, attendance monitoring, tuition fees and cuts. I am an advocate of free, democratically organised education that puts students, not profits, at the centre of university policy. As a member of Newcastle Free Education Network I have been involved in meetings on a number of issues including anti-fascism, sexism, attendance monitoring and the privatisation of Newcastle University. Speaking to a number of students on these issues has illustrated that a large proportion of the student body feel angered by them. By running for NUS delegate I hope to give these students a voice. As an NUS delegate I will be given the opportunity to ‘promote, defend and extend student rights.’ So vote for myself and ensure that these very real issues are brought to the forefront of debate.
As a part time officer I have a good deal of involvement within the Student Union and I feel I have a sufficient grasp of the importance of the NUS delegation to do it justice. I am well balanced in my views and feel that I would be able to represent NUSU well on what views people wanted raising. As an Officer Without Portfolio I feel that this can quite happily fall within my remit when representing students and doing my elected role. I would look to ensure NUSU was effectively represented and that your views were put forward to the National Union!
I’m a 3rd year Marine Biology student and until now, the National Union of Students has been nothing more to me other than a student discount card. Why is it that science students are not actively encouraged to engage with an organisation that claims to represent all students in the UK? All students here at Newcastle University have a right and should feel that those who claim to represent students at NUS should know about the needs and pressures affecting science students. Our SU and NUS should be doing more to dispel prejudice and preconceptions about ethnic and faith minority groups.
COMMUNITY OFFICER Karan Wadhwani I am standing as a candidate for the post of Community Officer because i want to every one who is taking part in any activity happening to feel like their own Party. I feel strongly that all the students should be heard and have an effective vehicle for raising their concerns in relation to any issues. If elected I will strive hard to maintain the respect of my position. I will prove to be an asset to all my colleagues. I will try personally to resolve any issue or problem that may occur. I will help improve representation and participation in the Freshers by being available as much as possible in order to enable students to raise their concerns directly to me.
Cand Ques idates ’ Mond tion ay 11 Tim at 12 Novem e
Joshua Arad
the H .30pm i ber n istory Room
CONVENOR OF DEBATES
Jack Burton Students are being left shortchanged by a lack of public debates on campus on issues that are relevant to them. The most popular ‘Change One Thing’ motion at council last year was a request for a greater level of public debate and student engagement at the university. As President of the Debating Society I know what it takes to organise and run successful public debates. As Convenor I can promise to deliver high quality regular public debates, right here in the union, with top quality external speakers and plenty of opportunity for audience participation. For experience, passion, and commitment, vote for me.
My name is Josh, I’m a fourth year medical student running to represent you and the unique needs and demands of medical students. If elected, I will push NUS to: • Campaign for a reduction in tuition fees for students on undergraduate courses lasting more than three years, (e.g. medicine/dentistry) • Stop universities hiding the true cost of studying. Medical/dentistry students need to know when signing away the next five years of their life, they still have the right to enjoy a full university experience without the cost of books and materials restricting them from engaging with their students’ union, and having a social life. • University can be stressful. It’s essential that NUS lead the way in pushing universities to recognise and make appropriate provisions for students with mental health concerns. • In prioritising your safety and rights, NUS must strive to eradicate sexism, disablism, racism, homophobia and fascism from university life. If you elect me, I will promote and represent practical student matters that are of real concern.
The Courier
Monday 11 November 2013
11-17Novemberlistings.21
thecourieronline.co.uk courier.listings@ncl.ac.uk | @Courier_Listings
Listings Calendar Girls 11th-16th November Little Theatre
Based on the true story of eleven WI members who created a nude calendar to raise money for Leukemia Research, via the film starring every man’s favourite older woman Helen Mirren, Calendar Girls is one of the biggest British plays of the last decade. While Dame Hel won’t be making the trip to Gateshead, unfortunately, but you should still get your tickets fast; it’s the quickest selling show in British history. Tickets £7
The Suggestibles
11th November The Stand
Newcastle’s resident improv troupe have gained national acclaim over the years, and they pop into The Stand once a month to tickle audience’s with their unique brand of comedy, incorporating sketches, games, and usually an hour long improvised musical. All this for £3? You’re basically robbing them. Tickets £3
WWE Live
12th November Metro Radio Arena
Let’s face it, everyone watched wrestling at one point or another as a child, and while you might think you’re over it by now it’s hard to resist a chance to see The Big Show knock Randy Orton about for £20 a pop. You’ll also get the chance to see all the ridiculous superstars who’ve joined the WWE since you stopped watching, with names like ‘Dolph Ziggler’, ‘Kofi Kingston’ and ‘The Miz’. If you’ve got better plans for Tuesday night I’d like to hear them. Tickets £20
Quadrophenia
16th November O2 Academy
Gary Numan 12th November O2 Academy
What did Gary Numan want to be when he grew up? Gary Oldman! Now that we’ve got that out of the way, how would you like to do see the ‘Cars’ and ‘Are ‘Friends’ Electric?’ man in person? You should know that he generally doesn’t play ‘Cars’ or ‘Are ‘Friends’ Electric?’ muc these days, or at least not in their original form, preferring to fill his sets with songs from his more recent, Goth-tinged albums. You can see why though – might be a bit jarring to here a perky synth riff in with all that lot – and it’s sure to be a brilliant show all the same. Tickets £25
Young Knives 12th November O2 Academy
Remember these guys? They had a hit album with 2006’s pretty bloody good Voices Of Animals And Men, a madcap combination of ‘00s indie and Wurzels-style farmer pop. Taking their aesthetic from The Wicker Man and their comedy stylings from The League Of Gentlemen, the whole thing was nothing if not an enjoyable romp. Since then they’ve had a decent string of albums, culminating in this year’s Sick Octave, which sees them embrace an industrial rock shtick. Should be a laugh, then. Tickets £11.25
K*nt & The Gang 13th November The Central
Aside from having the best band name in the world, this Fring-frequenting comedy band have songs called ‘Wank Fantasy’, ‘Use My Arsehole As A C*nt’, ‘Jimmy Saville And The Sexy Kids’, ‘I Sucked Off A Bloke, I Didn’t Like It’, ‘Come On Cliff, Admit You’re Queer’, ‘Jesus (Baby With a Beard)’, ‘Let’s Send Nan To Dignitas’, ‘Use My Arsehole As A Cunt (The Nick Clegg Story)’, ‘Fred And Rose’, ‘Detox My Cock’ ‘You Brought A Paedo To Five-Aside’, ‘Wanking Over A Pornographic Polaroid’ and ‘You Horrible Man (You Killed A Kid At Christmas)’. So there’s that. Tickets £5
Peter Hook 14th November Digital
If you’ve seen Bernard and Stephen on tour without Hooky and you want to complete your New Order experience, you might want to check out Peter Hook & The Light over at Digital. Kicking off with a set full of obscure Joy Division tracks, before playing New Order’s Movement and Power, Corruption & Lies in full. One of the best bass players in rock, Hooky has for some reason spent the last five years or so trying to recreate his work with Joy Division/ New Order track by track, with predictably redundant results, but if that sounds like your cup of tea check him out. Tickets £22.40
Continental Market 15th November Grey’s Monument
It’s the most wonderful time of the year! The Continental Market is back for the winter, with enough bratwursts, burgers, ponchos and woodcarvings to keep you going ‘til Christmas. You can basically do all your shopping here for the rest of the month, with food stalls, clothes stalls, plant stalls and tat stalls, not to mention the bloody marvelous selection of hyper-sugary sweets. My past purchases include a bonsai tree, a kangaroo burger and a small wooden duck, so there’s really something for everyone. Free
A tribute to the classic tale of mods and rockes kicking the shit out of each other over a banging Who soundtrack, the O2’s Quadrophenia Night includes a screening of the film, a live performance of the soundtrack by The Atlantics, and a suitably mod-infused DJ set from Drew Stansall, saxophonist with The Specials, and therefore an expert in all things two-tone. Dress code is ‘handsome’, so don your best ‘60s inspired suits and hit the dancefloor as a latter-day Phil Daniels, Toyah Wilcox or Sting, or dress as a rocker and get your head kicked in. Oh, and no launching your bike through the window. Tickets £10
Diwali Celebrations
16th November Gateshead Civic Centre
The Festival of Lights, known as Diwali, is a Hindu festival, one of the most important of the year, celebrates the victory of good over evil and the awareness of inner light. People of all faiths are welcome at the celebration in the Civic Centre, where you can join the festivities and enjoy all Indian culture has to offer, including mouth watering food and performances from regional musicians, DJs and dancers bringing you the very best of Bollywood and Bhangra. If you identify with the Hindu faith this is an exciting way to celebrate, and if you don’t then this is a unique opportunity to immerse yourself in a vibrant culture. Tickets £5
22.arts
Monday 11 November 2013
The Courier
Arts Editors: Millie Walton and Charlie Dearnley Deputy Arts Editor: Laura Wotton
THE NEWCASTLE ADVENTURES OF... GEORGIA NICHOLSON
9.30am: Jas and I are walking into universipoodle, slurping on chocolate frappucinos from Starbucks (we are the height, the epitome of sophisticado these days), when we spot the lurgy-monster just ahead. Dive! Dive! Jas calls. What kind of moronic friends have I attracted? I quickly pull on my beanie. If Jas wants to make a scene she is welcome, I have lectures to attend. 10am: Sitting in my lecture when text from Vatti (Dad) comes through ‘Georgia your mother and I have decided to come for a visit! To Newcastle!’ ‘Yes Dad! Newcastle! That far-off never-never land where they send all the naughty children to REFORM them. I’m in PRISON!’ 10.06am: (the time it takes for matti/mother to compose a 2-line text on her ‘portable telephonethese devices are simply bewildering Georgia’). ‘Enough of your Sarcasm Georgie. Dad is upset you’re not taking our visit seriously. Send him kisses. LOL Mum’. I’m just taking a picture of my lips with the va-va-voom balm, purchased especially for this evening’s show-down with Eleanor- ‘I believe underwear is a worthy replacement for shorts’- MacKenzie, to send to Vatti when Jas bursts through the lecture room doors. 10.16am: Ten, yes ten whole, minutes of my precious time wiping Jas’ snoz and trying to reassure the lecturer that she is not, in fact, insane. So many tears over a disproportionately sized man of the river (rower; Note- every man these days must be termed ‘man of ’, for example ‘man of the boudoir’= sex god- yet to be found). 2pm A luncheon extraordinaire with the gang. I recite my French oral to a stray dog and Jools and Ellen and Mabs drool over the Pret-a-Manger tillman. They need to learn to control their cosmic horn as I have, I will show them later chez spy-bar.
“Sucking in cheeks to give myself the proportions of Angelina Jolie” 4.05pm: I’ve just fallen over outside of Waitrose. 4.06pm: I’m still on the floor outside of Waitrose. 4.07pm: What in the name of arse are you doing on the floor? It’s Dave the laugh, except I wish he would stop laughing and help me up from the depths of shame and poison. There are carrots EVERYWHERE. 5pm: Dave is still laughing. I try to explain to him, fool of the male species, that I was, not unwisely, stocking up on carrot-noses for the snowmen I plan to make come snowfall. You are strange Georgie-Porgie. Why did you decide to stay on the floor? I was considering life upon the cementedtiles of Jesmond, Davide. How much does a girl have to explain in the century that we call the 21st? 8pm: My lips have taken to swelling after overapplication of va-va-voom balm. 8.08pm: Sucking in cheeks to give self the proportions of Angelina Jolie. If I exhale I look like a puffer fish. Oh-dear-oh-lord-oh-mother-of-god! If I don’t make it to Flares then Eleanor of the tiny shorts will have Maximo once and for all! 10.30pm: We are in Flares. Why are we here so early?! The Gang cry. We are warming up the dance floor, I explain, and shuffle over to the entrance. 11.45pm: Maximo has arrived but I am tired from the warm up and my lips have taken to swelling. I cannot answer his Italian inquisition without spitting. 11.46pm: I’ve just fired a glob of spit at Maximo’s face. I must leave immediatemente! Point at archenemy and soon to be victor of the dual Eleanor trying to encourage Mazimo to think it was her, fifty miles across the dance floor, who sent the hurling relationship-destroying glob of spit from her venemous lips. 11.47pm: Maximo does not look convinced. “Dive!” Jas shouts. And for once I agree with my little mole-like friend. To the taxi we must dive. Nonie Heal
QUOTES SO SIMPLE:
Daniel: Sloss-ed in translation?
Last Sunday we sent Jess Harman down to The Stand to see one of the UK’s rising comedy stars, Daniel Sloss. In the midst of his UK tour, Sloss reveals the source of his inspiration, the vanity of stand-up and his US ambitions
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or those of you who have not seen Daniel Sloss’ stand-up act, you’re missing out. SelfDeprecating and bravely funny, Daniel is a young comedian who, at 23 who has appeared on Michael McIntyre’s Comedy Roadshow, Russell Howard’s Good News and a Comic Relief edition of Mock The Week just to name a few. On Sunday Daniel performed at The Stand in Newcastle as part of his UK tour. One of three, this venue is the brother of The Stand in Edinburgh where Daniel took the stage for the first time at the
different venues, it’s nice to know that after all this time, comedy can still surprise me. Performing in smaller, intimate venues is amazing. It feels like I’m a ‘real comedian’. Winner of 2011’s Scottish Variety Award for Best New Comedian, Daniel’s Career has taken off. His debut at the Soho Theatre, London in 2009 made him the youngest stand-up ever to perform a solo season in the West End. We spoke about how he decided to turn down University to pursue a career in comedy.
up act. Daniel has a spectacularly long list of achievements not just in stand-up but in acting and writing too. Daniel explains why he enjoys stand up and his inspiration.
“I can’t relate to any fucking song on the radio but when a 45 year old man goes on about how they hate the world, I get that”
age of 17. “I know everyone at the Stand in Newcastle well. It’s like coming home. Going to all these
Artistic Scandal of the Week
“I’ve always loved stand-up, but it wasn’t until I was 15 or 16 that I discovered I was any good at it. I never thought I’d make a living out of it – just as a hobby. Thank God it’s worked out so far.” His career in Comedy has taken him all over the world performing in Europe, Australia, Canada and South East Asia. I asked him what he had next on his wish list. “I’ve done most places on my wish list, but I’d Love to gig in New York – it’s the heart of comedy. I’d Love to do Chicago as well.” Whilst talking about Daniel’s Comedy Idols: George Colin, Louis CK, Bill Burr and Patrice O’Neal, the cynical humour that drives Daniel’s routines became even clearer. “Everyone of my generation says “music speaks to me”. I can’t relate to any fucking song on the radio but when a 45 year old man goes on about how they hate the world, I get that.” Finally, we discovered the trick to a good stand-
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s losing your virginity on stage a work of art? There is no definitive answer, but, hats off to Clayton Pettet, he has the media’s attention and in doing so is raising some persistently relevant questions about sexuality, and the nature of virginity. Explicit sexual imagery in art is no new thing, so why is the press rushing towards Clayton Pettet and his staged penetration, like moths to a scandalously bright bulb? The word ‘gay’ has been introduced. Homosexuality is not new in art, but here it is placed grittily and bare before the viewer. The aesthetic of the performance is perhaps surpassed by the questions it raises. What is virginity? Why is there such emphasis on its treasure? What
“Because I get to be me.” “I guess it’s vain, shallow and selfish; but that’s because I am those three things.” “All of my comedy is self-involved, being as honest as possible about everything. So I analyse and basically hate myself and then try and put it into a routine.” Jess Harman
is sexuality? The work is highly conceptual and arguably, its mere discussion alone has preemptively brought about its own physical conception. Without the performance happening yet, the work has sparked something real. Performance art has often been used as a mechanism of shock, questioning the principles imparted upon us by the society we inhabit. Chickens have been brutally killed, sex in public has already been claimed, and a scroll of a feminist manifesto has been unravelled from a vagina. Admire or despise it, there is no proper, expected response. As with much conceptual artwork, opinions will be individual and if truthful, revealing. Charlie Dearnley
An interview with Victoria Bewick
This week we sent Akeem Favor to interview Newcastle’s very own Victoria Bewick, ‘food fanatic’ star of Lee Hall’s Cooking with Elvis, performed at the Live Theatre last week
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ctress and Gateshead native Victoria Bewick has returned to Newcastle to perform in Live Theatre’s latest production, Cooking with Elvis. In the play Bewick takes on the role of Jill, a young girl who develops a fascination for food in the wake of her father becoming paralysed in a car accident. Bewick spoke to The Courier about her character, cooking on stage, and advice for aspiring performers. As part of your preparation for the play, you took cooking lessons from Caffè Vivo chef Glen Robson. Can you tell us more about it? Jill, the character that I’m playing, is obsessed with food. She’s driven by this idea of cooking for her father and that one of the meals she cooks for him will wake him up one day and it’s all going to be alright. The stage directions are that Jill is preparing a meal at the start of the play and we were really keen
to get that into the play. Max (Artisic Director) said that we were attached to a restaurant here so why don’t we work with the chef to see how it’s done. That’s kind of how it came about.
We wanted something that when the audience comes in and I’m cooking on stage, there would be a nice fragrant aroma in the theatre so we’re cooking with garlic, ginger, onions, and then vegetables, so that there is a really strong smell for the audience to kind of be part of. What’s it like performing close to home? It’s amazing because I grew up going to that theatre when I was a teenager. I’ve always looked up to the performers there. So it’s kind of a dream come true. It’s lovely to be back in my hometown and with such a brilliant play as well. What advice would you give to aspiring performers? Not to be clichéd, but if you really want to do it you have to believe in yourself and don’t take no for an answer. I think you just have to keep going and believe that you can do it.
“It is impossible to enjoy idling thoroughly unless one has plenty of work to do. There is no fun in doing nothing when you have nothing to do. Wasting time is merely an occupation then, and a most exhausting one. Idleness, like kisses, to be sweet must be stolen.” Jerome K. Jerome, ‘Idle Thoughts of an Idle Fellow’
The Courier
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Monday 11 November 2013
Pic of the Week
previews
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ach week we choose the best arty instagram pic to feature in the paper. Whether its taken on campus, on a night out or in your own house, we want your snaps! Simply hashtag #nclarts and we’ll pick a weekly winner. Besides featuring in an award winning paper, the winning pic is worth a delicious bag of sweets too. Get instagramming folks!
Julia Makojnik
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Creativity & Coffee
This week Annah Baines gets a taste of the multiple brews Tea Sutra have to offer
T Drinks Art Vibe
Hippy and relaxed...
ea Sutra offers the biggest selection of teas I’ve ever seen. As I’m not the best at making up my own mind I asked for a recommendation from the friendly, slipper-wearing staff. What I was given was pure magic in a cup. The glass teapot contained a little green ball of tea, which expanded in the hot water and bloomed into a flower. Amazing taste and very refreshing! Although sparse on artwork , the few pieces this little haven has to offer were obviously chosen carefully and fit well with the theme of the teahouse. The relaxed, calming ambiance in Tea Sutra makes it one of my favourite tranquil spots for a relaxing afternoon. Definitely one of Newcastle’s best hidden gems!!
reviews
Must see!
The Making of Margaret
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ne of the foremost figures in British conservatism, Charles Moore’s opinionated political views are often hotly debated, and he is known for his vehement opposition to the BBC as a pathological left wing vehicle. Over the course of his career in journalism he has held the position of editor of The Spectator, The Sunday Telegraph, and The Daily Telegraph. He is most recently recognized as the author for the authorized biography of Margaret Thatcher, a job that he was chosen for by his subject. One of the most hotly debated political figures in post-war British history, Thatcher’s impact on British politics was undeniably cataclysmic. In his talk as part of the Insights visiting lecture program, ‘The Making of Margaret,’ he will cover the challenges involved in creating the biography of such a contentious woman. He was given access to previously unseen papers, letters, diaries, and recollections from personal friends of Thatcher. Whilst studying at Eton, Moore began his career discussing his taste for real ale in the Eton Chronicle. This seems quite an accurate pre-emptive portrait of the man, whose lecture promises to be a fascinating insight into the life of the Iron Lady. Charlie Dearnley
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The People’s Theatre 2 November
pon finding out that I was going to see an amateur production of The History Boys I was a little apprehensive. As a long-time fan of the play I was worried that amateur dramatics may not do it justice, however, these fears were proven to be unfounded: the People’s Theatre put on a very enjoyable showing of the play, which was slick and professional. The bare set allowed the actors to be the focal point without the distraction of a busy stage, and all performed engagingly and believably. In particular, the role of headmaster was played to its full comedic potential, whilst the actors playing the pupils managed to channel the aura of teenage boys very successfully. Perhaps the only slight downfall was that it seemed to rely rather heavily on the film for inspiration; the directing could have been more imaginative. This was particularly evident in the more poignant moments of the piece, where the character of Hector seemed to be greatly based on Richard Griffiths’ famous interpretation. The play was, despite this, a pleasure to see and is definitely well worth a watch. Sapphire Rees
Northern Stage 29 November
adikal Words, a night of spoken word performance, is set to return to Northern Stage this month. Hosted by Jeff Price, the evening includes an exciting mix of live literature, spoken word and music. Entertainment is brought to the audience by Maxwell Golden’s thought-provoking hip hop freestyle poetry, plus inspiring words from Radio 4’s poet in residence, Kate Fox. The night also includes thoughts from storyteller Miles Slater, who appears to have a particular penchant for marmite, Philip Larkin and early Bruce Springsteen records. There are also touches of comedy during the show from stand-up comedians Scott Tyrrell and Ann Porro. Musical highlights are also brought to the stage by the beautifully dark and powerful harmonies of Bridie Jackson and the Arbour. The night promises a tantalising combination of gripping, challenging and entertaining live literature and music, and it is set to be an evening of learning as much as it is of enjoyment. Radikal Words is very much a community project, with their performances being shown in many schools in the North East, with an aim to make poetry and the power of language accessible to everyone, particularly young people. A perfect alternative night out, Radikal Words are showing at Northern Stage on Wednesday 20 November. Maria Case
History Boys
Charles Moore 12 November, 17:30 Herschel Building
Opera North
Radikal Words
This week’s winning pic is ‘Moscow Station’ by
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he Opera North tour, performing at the Theatre Royal, functions to celebrate the centenary of the birth of Benjamin Britten, the most successful British opera composer of the 20th century. All shows are critically acclaimed and promise a great evening’s entertainment. The shows include “Peter Grimes”, “Death in Venice” and “A Midsummer Night’s Dream”. “Death in Venice”, directed by highly esteemed music director Richard Farne, includes an exotic orchestral score and has Alan Oke returning as von Aschenbach, the ageing writer around whom the story evolves. “Peter Grimes” is named as the best production of the Opera North, winning multiple awards itself since its premiere in 2006. The show is directed by Phyllida Lloyd, who after “Mamma Mia” and “The Iron Lady” now returns to opera. The drama also features Jeffrey Lloyd-Roberts reprising in the title role. “A Midsummer Night’s Dream” is also a revival and promised lively and hilarious production. Directed by Martin Duncan it promises to be a hilarious and witty show. Britten has turned Shakespeare’s famous play into a vibrant opera where the music equals the greatness of the written piece. All shows are worth seeing, even for non-operalovers, as the combination of play, music, choreography and costumes is what makes these shows so remarkable. Tanya Nies
As You Like It
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Theatre Royal 29 October - 2 November
s You Like It tells the story of Rosalind, who is banished to the forest after her uncle usurps her father’s dukedom, and is compelled to court her love interest, Orlando, while dressed as a man. In a show filled with superlative performances, including Pippa Nixon’s exuberant, vibrant Rosalind and Alex Waldmann’s likeable, cheeky Orlando, the two standout performances come from smaller roles. Joanna Horton brings depth and comic timing to Celia, Rosalind’s fiercely loyal cousin, while Nicholas Tennant, with the use of audience interaction and well-judged improvisation, succeeds in making one of Shakespeare’s less funny clowns genuinely hilarious. The modern setting works well, in particular the elements of music festivals incorporated into the forest scenes, with a dreamy soundtrack from Laura Marling. After the rigidly choreographed, label-wearing world of the court, the forest, in which the multi-talented cast play guitars, represents an ecstatic release. In place of the traditional jig, the cast dance like they’re in the pit at a festival, ending with Nixon breaking the circle to give a breathless, life-affirming epilogue. Lauren Hickin
Theatre Royal 12-16 November
Border
Peter Bennet
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eter Bennet’s new book of poems, Border, is a must-have for all contemporary poetry fans who enjoy searching for deep, wellhidden meanings. The collection includes selections from the last fifteen years of his work as well as over ten new poems. Every word of each poem seems carefully chosen and a strong variety of language is used throughout, never giving the reader a dull moment. Bennet uses certain poetic techniques creatively and masterfully, particularly enjambment. As each line rolls smoothly into the next, it’s easy to fall into the free-flowing rhythm of the poetry. There is somewhat of a soft, musical feel to his work as he takes his reader on a journey through words. This is reflective of the running theme of all his works: living on the border between reality and losing yourself to your imagination. Particularly enjoyable poems were The Imp (about the proud parents of a fiendish child), Sir Entrepreneur (comparing the financial world to the medieval) and Augenlicht. Bennet entwines the natural and supernatural in a way that makes them seem somewhat normal: he is a master of his craft. Kezziah Hall
24.filmfeatures
Monday 11 November 2013
The Courier
Film Editors: Muneeb Hafiz and Jacob Crompton-Schreiber
Debate: Super-Slammin’
Editor’s The jury’s out on the superhero sub-genre, is it tired? George Severs Word and David Leighton present their defence I’m so fly, I’m sky high
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s it a bird? Is it a plane? No, it’s a flying man, in blue Lycra and red undies’. That’s how it goes, right? Undies or no undies, what a blessing it would be to have super powers.
To fly as Superman does, to smash like the Hulk, to rasp like Batman, and to DIY like Thor, day to day life would be so much easier and infinitely more interesting with some supernatural savvy in ones arsenal. Unfortunately, devastatingly, the existence of such abilities are exclusive to those born from minds of the authors of comic book, brought to life in the captions of their pages, and later realised in myriad forms on the big screen. While the red hand-towel draped down the back of every child pretending to be the mighty Kal-El may provide a sense of greatness, as it admittedly did for me, the very notion of aspiring to be Superman, or Batman, or Wonderwoman is remarkable in itself. Aside from the obvious allure of possessing superpowers (well, being mates with Morgan Freeman in the Dark Knight’s case), there is perhaps a much deeper, more potent, and, dare I say, more mortal foundation to the mythologies and pathologies of the superhero. As a hero, as a man or woman, and as a force for good, there is a distinct narrative of purpose, of redemption and of ultimate success in the characters and narratives of so many superheroes that have existed, and continue to evolve in modern cinema today. Through the harshest of adversities, be it in the unrelenting veracity of Bane as dictatorial ‘liberator’, or the calculated, sadistic malevolence of Lex Luthor, there is triumph. As Captain America was created as a vehicle for hope-dispersal in the American psyche during WWII, is Nolan’s Dark Knight not the epitome of rebirth and justice for today?
Yes, this is perhaps all too philosophical and superhero comics and movies are entertainment, first and foremost. True, films like Kick Ass may be about something altogether at odds with what’s written here, and Hit-Girl may well use that taboo c-word if reading this. However, historically and today, superheroes are so much more. The recent move to make superheroes more like us, more vulnerable, less impervious to emotion and worry, and less super, is by no means an accident. To quote the last few, eternally eloquent words of Uncle Ben Parker: ‘with great power, comes great responsibility’. These words are as crucial to the transition of Peter Parker’s alter-ego from SpiderBoy to Spider-Man, as they are for the readers and viewers. Big shoes to fill, even bigger pants to support, but we’ve all got it in us. Muneeb Hafiz
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YAY
s I sat in the cinema watching Thor 2, a familiar frustration came over me – yeah, it’s pretty funny, yeah, it’s a spectacle, and yeah, as usual, it’s come straight off the Marvel mass production line. Thor 2 is part of Marvel’s ‘Phase 2’, alongside the recently released Iron Man 3 and the upcoming Captain America sequel. The idea is for each phase to culminate in a large crossover film, such a s 2012’s Avengers Assemble,, as well as expanding into other stories, such as Guardians of The Galaxy.. Whenever I read of Marvel’s phase system, there is always an inexplicably warm and affectionate tone. People often speak of how the films do each character justice by exploring their stories, as if all this is purely for the gratification of the fans. But they aren’t making sacrifices for the fans by making these films – They’re churning them out because they represent the closest cinema can get to bankable, dependable profit. However, they’ve forgotten a key principle of business – Make the supply larger than the demand, and you will reach a point of saturation. I fear that is where Marvel, and indeed the superhero genre, are headed. The superhero film has long been one of the most dependable markets for the studios. ‘It’s all about the merch. Cut me and I bleed merch’, as Ben (the Sh*t) from Peep Show quips. Superhero films are akin to no other genre in their ability to
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NAY
n order to tackle this rather arduous question, I feel I must first admit something…I am an avid superhero movie fan. Well more specifically I’m an avid DC & Marvel Comics fan, so obviously their translation into the film genre is of great interest and excitement to me. So with that out of the way, next I’m going to break it down into those two main factions, because, just like in the comic book industry, there’s a great deal of rivalry between the fan bases of the two. In terms of being ‘overdone’ or overused, Marvel might run the risk of this one the most. Thing is though, Marvel only started making really good superhero movies with the creation of the X-Men & Spiderman movie franchise. Daredevil was (quite rightly) a flop, Fantastic Four sucked and the Hulk was diabolical, perhaps the only film to be decent before Spiderman or X-Men was Blade – purely for all the blood and gore and vampires chewing each other’s faces off. So with Marvel what we’re getting is a shit-tonne of reboots over the next few years; Fantastic Four, X-Men: Days of Future Past (yes, I’m counting this as a reboot because they are basically rebooting the old three movies with the good elements of first class) et cetera. So I’m going to throw you a curveball, Marvel might not have overused the superhero movie franchise yet because they are still getting good at it, they are perfecting the game for some really bloody awesome movies. I think Marvel only really got the hang of it by the time of The Avengers. Yeah, I know that’s contentious, but tough titty. You might argue that Captain America was good, or Thor was good, or The Incredible Hulk was good (bloody brilliant), but the thing is they weren’t that good. Well The Incredible Hulk was. If you look at the trailers for Captain America: The Winter Soldier and Thor: The Dark World, you can see they look infinitely better than their predecessors, and
generate endless merchandise. It’s only a matter of time before extra strong Hulk brand condoms go on sale. There is nothing young teenage boys – and, where Loki and Thor are concerned, girls – love more than superheroes, and as well as buying all this merchandise, theirs is a demographic that nowadays forms a significant proportion of a dwindling pool of cinema goers. The trouble is that, more often than not, these films serve as little more than a Refresh button for interest in a hero, and for sales of their products. Iron Man 2 is a perfect example – for many, it was a disappointment, with a weak story and a palpable lack of direction or character growth . However, this didn’t stop it generating over 600 million dollars. Deep down, this new generation of superhero films is far closer to the Saturday morning serials of the 1940’s, where superhero films originated, than anything more sophisticated that has developed since. All the maturation of the genre exemplified by Watchmen and The Dark Knight trilogy is ignored by films that essentially regress to the cartoon format of your favourite cool hero returning to thwart this week’s villain. Perhaps the best summation of this cynical attitude is the never-ending cycle of reboots. The Amazing Spider Man is the most ridiculous of these – The Sam
that’s because superhero movies with origin stories suck, for the most part. Except Iron Man. Iron Man is the one exception to the Marvel ‘improvement through creation’ method because the more they make the worse they get, well, as an Iron Man franchise, as an action movie franchise it’s still fantastic. DC is a bit of a cheeky one with this, they have so far really been focusing a lot of their efforts on the DC Animated Originals (big bad grown up boy cartoon films) that are actually pretty excellent sometimes…seriously, The Dark Knight Returns parts 1 & 2 are amazing. However their time on the big screen (bar Wa t c h m e n ) has mostly s u c k e d balls. I’m not counting the Nolan films for reasons I will explain. Again the problem with this is that they haven’t got it right yet either (see the pile of piss that was Green Lantern). I’m a huge DC fanboy, but even I have to admit that DC just hasn’t really got it right yet for the movie universe.
“They’re churning them out because they represent the closest cinema can get to bankable, dependable profit.” Raimi trilogy, despite the heavily flawed final instalment, was a huge success, and beginning again after only 5 years smacks of the total sacrifice of artistic integrity in the name of profit – and making another Batman film so soon after Nolan’s Dark Knight trilogy looks set to top even that for absurdity. One of the greatest achievements of modern cinema has surely satisfied the Batman story for a few years – There can be no argument for necessity here. I’m not saying these films aren’t good – as I said in my opening lines, many tend to be both humorous and entertaining. So what am I complaining about? I just feel that we, as an audience, have come to expect more. If the studios keep pumping out superhero films so relentlessly, our patience will surely have to give. George Severs
“...the superhero movie genre isn’t overdone yet because it’s just getting started.” Here’s why: The Nolan movies aren’t superhero movies, they’re movies about superheros, with every element of that toned down in the name of realism. DC daren’t be too camp so they make it all scary and serious, lest someone giggle at Superman and his pink briefs – so they don’t really count. This means that nearly every DC movie about a superhero has been pretty turd (once again, except Watchmen Watchmen). So to sum up, which I must because I could go on forever, the superhero movie genre isn’t overdone yet because it’s just getting started. Amazing Spiderman 2 is set to be fabulous, Superman vs Batman is going to make me wee with joy (I hope) and don’t even get me started on X-Men: Days Of Future Past or Avengers 22. There have been some huge cock ups in the past on both DC and Marvel’s part, but this simpleton here is reckoning on a much improved franchise in the future. David Leighton
The Courier
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Monday 11 November 2013
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Thor: The Dark World (12A)
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o I went to see Thor: The Dark World this week. After Iron Man 3 I was ready to be let down (hopeful it would be good, but still prepared for the alternative) and yet, I really wasn’t. Why? Two words: Tom Hiddleston. The latest stab at a film about the Norse god turned superhero concerns that-which-came-before-the-universe. Namely the dark elves (led by the slightly unconvincing Christopher Eccleston), creatures who are obsessed with recreating this “Dark” universe for some reason or other. This premise sets us off an a cheeky little adventure which was fun for all the right reasons. Humour. Thor was pretty darn funny, Avengers style - the humour was original and very witty (Tom, again). The thing Marvel really got right with the humour this time is where and when to use it. Some parts of the film are hilarious whilst others are quite serious and the two actually manage to coexist without spoiling each other. In other words the humour never detracts from the levity of the situation the characters are in, so whilst it is humorous there are still times in which you are scared, worried or sad. Although one of the best moments in the film comes from humour mocking “seriousness”, something I think Marvel are smart
to include considering the mope-fest that was Man Of Steel. So back to those two words - Loki Babeface. Tom Hiddleston is absolutely fantastic in this picture, he’s the source of most of the humour, but also some of the incredibly tense and well executed scenes. For me, he really makes the movie; dare I say that Marvel might have intended this somewhat, considering people are screaming for a “Loki” movie. Unfortunately the excellence of Hiddle-ledge does detract somewhat from the main villain, “Malekith”, he just isn’t quite as good. The film also learned from its predecessor, people liked seeing the other warriors fighting, not just Thor - this film gives us that. It actually gives us a fantastic little fight scene between Loki and some
soldiers that I was drooling over. Whilst I’ve got to say I’m still not convinced by Natalie Portman’s rendition of “love interest”, nor impressed with the “topless for the sake of topless” Hemsworth scene early on, or (for that matter) happy that the film did run the risk of getting a smidge boring at times - I think it’s pretty much worth it. Basically if you liked any of the previous Marvel films, or if you liked the previous Thor, go see this one. It’s better, or so I “Thor-t”.
Drinking Buddies (15)
Philomena (12A)
Selfish Giant (15)
hilomena stars Steve Coogan, known for his various Alan Partridge ventures, alongside veteran actress Judi Dench. It seems to be a strange pairing, yet it inexplicably works brilliantly. The film, inspired by true events, tells the tale of Philomena Lee (Dench), an elderly yet tough woman searching for her long lost son. Martin Sixsmith (Coogan), having just lost his job as a Labour adviser, reluctantly turns to freelance journalism. He finds his new story in the hopeful Philomena, offering his help. Dench, a well-seasoned actress, creates an incredibly likeable character in Philomena. She conveys the old woman’s growing emotions perfectly throughout the film, going far beyond the script. As the first quarter of the film is largely told in flashbacks, it’s easy to sympathise further with Philomena, uncovering how her son was taken from her. Young Philomena, played by Sophie Kennedy Clark, is also worthy of great praise for her raw emotion. Coogan also gives a brilliant performance as the weary Sixsmith. His awkward seriousness mixed with Dench’s playfulness create a strong pairing that holds the film together perfectly. He has the occasional moment of dry comedy, delivered perfectly, enticing a chuckle now and again. However, we are never overloaded with humour, finding a balance with the drama of the story. Sixsmith also finds his own development in the story, moving from a hard-faced professional to a true friend. Philomena is a story you could never forget. The script is well-written, with the occasional laugh but the humour never diverts from the meaning of the story. Dench and Coogan make a great team.
lio Barnard’s The Selfish Giant is a beautiful ode to Broken Britain. Following Arbor (Shaun Thomas) and Swifty (Conner Chapman), a delightful Pikeycome-Goonies duo, the film centres upon the pairs’ futile attempts to navigate stagnant suburbia in Northern England through scrapping metal for the perfectly putrid Kitten (Sean Gilder). Succumbing to jealousy, selfishness and the inescapable limitations of their own poverty, these doomed characters all exist, in an unremittingly grim land where social possibilities and individual potential died with Thatcher’s privatization of England. The films culmination, firmly cements it as the most emotionally affective film since Benh Zeitlin’s Beasts of the Southern Wild. Barnard’s re-interpretation of Oscar Wilde’s story is perverted yet picturesque, a disturbingly pretty portrait of a post-industrial landscape in which selfishness has become an ideology and children have become marginalized to devastating effect. Indeed, The Selfish Giant has Ken Loach in its DNA; Chapman looks eerily like the young David Bradley in some scenes, and Sean Gilder is a grisly, ironic, unfunny reincarnation of Brian Glover’s PE teacher: a father figure who can only destroy. However, Mike Eley’s cinematography brings a warmth and vibrancy, though always transient, to a style of film that, with Loach, was only associated with a bleak coldness. There is beauty in the hills of Northern England, and Barnard is the first to truly find it. With The Selfish Giant, one needs look no further to gain an insight into the genuine identity of contemporary Britain. A sad, beautiful, and ultimately true film.
More like this: The Visitor (2007)
More like this: Kes (1969)
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icture this: two colleagues who fancy the pants off one another but are both taken by unsuitable partners. The originality of this storyline is mind-blowing (queue rolling of the eyes). Set it in a brewery, though, and add a splash of four noteworthy actors, including the nonchalant, stunning Olivia Wilde and that guy who plays Nick in New Girl (Jake Johnson) as leads, and there may be some promise yet. The film pivots around the life choices undertaken by two couples, Kate (Wilde) and Chris (Livingstron), Luke (Johnson) and Jill (Kendric). Director Joe Swanberg orchestrated the film predominantly on improvisation, leaving the actors to manipulate and design their character’s own persona. This seems to work in Swanberg’s favour as Wilde and Johnson’s onscreen chemistry is magical, from making giant onion sandwiches that lead to food fights, to emotionally driven arguments that showcase each actor’s talents. Whilst this somewhat longwinded film doesn’t aim to give you the fairytale ending, from an artistic perspective Swanberg has performed tremendously at exploring human emotions and what we conceal from others. The camera effects are either artistically creative or Swanberg’s given a child full control, as the focus and angle has the capability to induce motion sickness. Unfortunately, in addition to his blasé approach and refusal to give away plotlines, the film ends disappointingly with a lack of resolution or Hollywood glamourisation. Whilst the beauty of relying on background noises and banal speech is commendable, the ending feels like a giant slap in the face, leaving me iffy about whether Swanberg has ballsy directing skills or is just plain cruel. More like this: Adventureland (2009) Alex Gibbs
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Kezziah Hall
Loki
e is the underdog. Thor has the appearance of a shepherd’s boy who has spent his adolescent years weight lifting with sheep, where as Loki looks like he spent that part of his life hauled up inside playing video games. He is a hero to the outsider; many a teenager can immediately associate with the pasty young man who will always play second fiddle to his handsome athletic younger brother. Everybody loves an underdog hero.
More like this: The Fighter (2010) David Leighton The clue’s in the name. Loki, the god of mischief, aka: banter. It seems to me that the Thor franchise hinges on a little bit of brotherly banter that Thor chooses to take far too seriously. Who among us can honestly say that, in the pursuit of banter got out of hand, we haven’t destroyed a planet full of innocent civilians? Brains before brawn. Loki outwits his brother on many occasions, displaying a clear gradient of intellect between Thor and Loki. We have a twenty-first century obligation to support the civilised practice of wit over the savage club-all-comers Thor.
C
Will Babbington
Rock beats scissor, but scissors are cool. The weapon of choice of the two brothers can help us see more clearly why one should support Loki over Thor. A magical hammer is all well and good but have you seen Loki’s spear… thing? If that doesn’t spell badass, I don’t know what does. There are racist undertones too. Loki is adopted from a different race to Thor, the Frost Giants. It is largely as a result of this that he is intrinsically evil and selfish. Come on people, wake up and smell the prejudice.
George Smith
26.tvhighlights
Monday 11 November 2013
The Courier
TV Editor: Beth Durant Deputy TV Editor: Helen Daly
Fresh Meat
Channel 4, Monday 10pm
F
TVintage
Lewis Ancrum takes a look at our favourite afterschool vampire child
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fter briskly walking home from another dull day of school, ensuring I beat my sister to the remote, I would raid the cupboards for snacks and settle down for a CBBC marathon. The show of choice, of course, was Mona the Vampire. Nothing allows for better escape from monotony than Mona’s kooky imagination and her brave protection of her town against the supernatural. Not quite an episode of Supernatural due to the entire ordeal being a figment of her imagination, you have to admire ten year old Mona’s scope of creativity. However if you are reading this completely puzzled and have no clue about this nice normal girl in an ordinary world, then let me fill you in. Mona the Vampire was a Canadian animation import which ran from 1999-2003, but I’m not afraid to say I have watched repeated episodes well in to my late teens. The show followed the adventures of Mona Parker and her alter ego Mona the Vampire. Armed with trusty sidekick Fang the cat and the help of her trusted team of Princess Giant and Zap Man, they would imagine themselves battling a new supernatural foe every episode. Ranging from evil robot babysitters to her supernatural arch nemesis Von Creepsula (Who she only battles twice as he is trapped in a comic book), Mona would use her vampire sense to find the evil wrong doers so she could save her lovely home. The show hinges on Mona’s, Lily’s (Princess Giant) and Charley’s (Zap Man) extensive imagination and, wow, what an imagination. I too was a strangely warped child with a taste for supernatural and horror, but even I cannot say I ever ran around with a cape and fangs. Perhaps my imagination was just not up to scratch. Maybe I was a victim of what Mona fought resiliently against, after all the poor girl who had to deal with much more than the supernatural. Oppressive parents, along with judgmental snobby peers are a terrible foe for your imagination, after all has there ever been a more detestable character on television than Angela Smith?
The pompous arrogance of the snobby Angela is an all too familiar sight in life but Mona prevails to routinely defeat her evil schemes to embarrass her. There is an entire cast of eccentric side characters, with some who play along with Mona and some who insist on dragging her in to the ordinary grown up world. Naturally my favourites were the ones who aided in the adventure, particularly her father Lenny. Alas, we all have to grow up at some point but the real shame is that today’s children grow up without shows like this, and instead are being forced through live action atrocities such as Dick & Dom and the ridiculously overrun Tracey Beaker spin off The Dumping Ground. Mona is a truly great cartoon, which ran off a simple formula to deliver great children’s TV. In many ways I have upgraded Mona for the Winchester brothers in Supernatural but I cannot help but feel sorry for the children who will never get to hear ‘SHOW US YOUR FANGS!’ bellowed at them on weekday evenings.
resh Meat is such an agonisingly awkward, yet embarrassingly accurate, representation of what we all go through when we first experience complete freedom. We all know a guy who thinks with his dick; a friend who puts all their efforts into getting drunk and absolutely none into their studies; and a mate whose attempts to be cool are so see-through it hurts. This is what makes Fresh Meat such a winning formula – pulling in an average of a million viewers per episode - and this new eight-part series promises to be just as full of mishaps and bad decisions as the first two. With previous bad decisions ranging from shagging your professor, to changing your degree to drama to impress a girl, can the housemates get even more stupid this series? I wouldn’t put it past them. From the brains behind the brilliant Peep Show, Fresh Meat is hitting our screens for its third series this week. But just because the gang are technically no longer freshers, that doesn’t stop them living the freshers lifestyle. In fact, with new housemate Candice (a sheltered fresher) to take under t h e i r wing, t h e housemates
pull out all the stops to look cool. Obviously, they fail miserably. Oregon (Charlotte Ritchie) and Vod (Zawe Ashton) peer pressure the poor girl to do drugs in her first few days away from home, leading to some pretty full on snogging and then, very shortly after, lots of vomming.
“With previous bad decisions ranging from shagging your professor, to changing your degree to drama to impress a girl, can the housemates get even more stupid this series? I wouldn’t put it past them” JP (Jack Whitehall) is yet again putting all his efforts into pulling, rather than actually getting a degree. Christening 28 ‘Pussy Hartnell Avenue as Haven’ and creati n g
‘Team Hard-On’ – which is arguably worse than the infamous Pussy Patrol à la The Inbetweeners – doesn’t seem to impress the ladies. Howard (Greg McHugh), on the other hand, seems to be a hit with one fresher in particular. Is love, or rather ‘fuckageddon’ (one of JP’s brilliant coinages this series), on the horizon for the socially awkward ‘pig man’? With a title like that, we can pretty much guarantee he will screw it up. The Ross and Rachel of Manchester, Kingsley and Josie (played by Joe Thomas and Kimberley Nixon), begin the series 9 hours apart as Josie was forced to transfer to Southampton after causing serious damage to someone’s face when operating dental machinery half drunk (we’ve all been there). But that doesn’t mean she doesn’t feature in this series. Oh no, we get to see her on screen, on a screen, as she seems to spend her second freshers’ week sat in her room talking to her old friends on FaceTime. With Kingsley admitting they are ‘over like Dover’, is there any chance of a reconciliation? If writing a novel for her over the summer doesn’t win her over, I don’t know what will. ‘Cos that’s not weird, or creepy. At all. We’ve had the year of beer, the year of fear is still a long way off. Second year is the year of the spear. I wonder how much ‘spearing’ will actually take place this year. My bet is not a lot: let’s face it, they’re all awful at pulling. Women, not viewers, they’ve got that nailed. Ellie McLaren
If you like this, try... How I Met Your Mother, the American sitcom quickly becoming the new Friends.
Hebburn
BBC Two, Tuesday 10pm
H
ebburn first hit our screens back in October 2012, and had me in hysterics from the first episode. Hebburn revolves around the arrival of local lad Jack (Chris Ramsey) and his well-to-do girlfriend Sarah (Kimberley Nixon) in the North East town of Hebburn. The series revolves around Jack’s family, the Pearsons, struggling to adjust to new girl Sarah and vice-versa as well as the revelation that the young couple got hitched in Vegas secretly (a travesty for any Geordie mother). The cast gel together very well, there’s a strong chemistry between the cast, with Vic Reeves and Jason Cook leading the other cast members through a well-crafted script. The humour is very much North-Eastern and may get lost on someone who isn’t local; being local I get it and can see the similarities between Hebburn and my own family life, not that my family are like the Pearsons! The standout character has to be the family matriarch Dot; the things she comes out with are things only a ‘Geordie oldie’ would be able to get away with. Every line is just layered with pessimism and sarcasm; something that reminds me of my own grandmothers and perhaps why I find her to be the breakout character of the show. I hope she has a central role in series two. Speaking of series two, the residents of Hebburn are looking forward to a new member of the Pearson family, which will bring Jack and Sarah new challenges as they try to raise a baby and get a place of their own. Expect more laughs and Geordie humour as arguably one of the best new British comedies for a while begins its second run. Jack Parker
Misfits
Yonderland
E4, Wednesday 10pm
Sky1, Sunday 9pm
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talking stick. Puppets. An elf who does hijinks with portals. Demonic henchmen. Elders, who are, contrary to the expectations, anything but wise. This is just a taste of what the next big thing on Sky1, Yonderland, has to offer its viewers. And even though it may sound like an extremely trippy version of Labyrinth, it promises to be a quirky, zany comedy, full of plain silliness, with a touch of satire and pastiche, all of which translates into a good deal of fun to be had by everyone. Yonderland is written and performed by the cast of hit CBBC show Horrible Histories. It features Mathew Baynton, Martha Howe-Douglas, Jim Howick, Simon Farnaby, Laurence Rickard and Ben Willbond, who are all well-known faces in the world of British comedy. The plot centres around Debbie (Howe-Douglas), mum of two, who gets sucked into a magic portal in her kitchen into the magical world of Yonderland. There, with the help of the aforementioned talking stick and elf, because, as it turns out, she is The Chosen One, destined to save this magical world from the deathly claws of an evil mastermind, who rocks a pretty mean mullet. The male part of the cast gets to do all the fun – playing around with wigs, wacky costumes, puppets, and doing funny voices. There’s no way you can take Yonderland seriously. Which means, it’s just what you need after a tiring day. With the promise of all that, the show is perfect for anyone who’s ready to enjoy a (very) goofy version of the Muppets and some classic British comedy storytelling. Antonia Velikova
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ward winning comedy-drama Misfits recently returned to our screens on the 23rd October for an eight-episode run in what is to be the shows fifth and final season. With the total absence of the original kooky band of young offenders it was entirely viable that this shows popularity would slowly drain away, however that does not appear to be the case with the show’s rating seeming to be back on the rise. A wonderfully original idea of bringing superpowers to the ASBO generation via a lightning storm, Misfits has benefited from the massive scope of creativity available to writer Howard Overman. This has often resulted in episodes that can be only described as sheer unpredictability from ‘Lactokenisis’ to the four ninja cyclists of the apocalypse. Clearly there is a lot of potential left for the fiveyear-old show, which is showing us that it still has the capability to be both an engaging drama and borderline hysterical comedy. Joseph Gilgun has been the subject of much praise with the most recent episode after a Rudycentred tale which demonstrated his and the entire casts tremendous acting ability. Hilarious opportunities await us in the remainder of season five, including but not limited to a support group for those unfortunate souls with less than helpful powers, a budding romance within the crazy gang, and something to do with a turtle. Although there is still some obvious nostalgia and longing for the original character, I don’t think we’re going to be too let down with what little we have left. We need to learn to appreciate the show while we still have it around. Lewis Ancrum
The Courier
featurestv.27
Monday 11 November 2013
thecourieronline.co.uk/tv c2.tv@ncl.ac.uk | @courier_tv
Obsessive compulsive exploiter? Charlotte Maxwell takes apart the recent Channel 4 documentaries delving into the world of mental health. Are they educational or merely a money-making entertainment scheme?
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bsessive Compulsive Cleaners and Obsessive Compulsive Hoarders are two series’ created by Channel 4 with one of their most likely intentions (I hope) being to raise awareness of obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD). As someone who suffers from mild OCD, I know how much it can impact daily life. The people that Channel 4 scouts for in its part lifestyle/ part documentary shows have a much more severe form of the condition and being an avid viewer of such programmes, I often wonder what the selling point is for the viewing public. I personally watch on the grounds of part reflection and part curiosity (in terms of whether the show will portray OCD in a balanced light), but I do worry that such shows are aired for their potential to be a spectator experience rather than for their educative purposes. Each series, be it cleaners or hoarders, follows the daily lives of six or seven individuals living with mental health problems. Whilst Obsessive Compulsive Cleaners is primarily focused around OCD and the subsequent anxiety disorder, Obsessive Compulsive Hoarders also looks at depression and reasons for the onset of mental illness. On the surface these programmes ‘do their bit’ for raising awareness of mental health problems, which in theory should help tackle the negative stigma that surrounds
them. Yet in reality, the ‘dress-up’ factor possessed by most Channel 4 lifestyle shows minimises these
“I do worry that such shows are aired for their potential to be a spectator experience rather than for their educative purposes.”
aims to a standard bit of ‘odd’ evening entertainment. Of course, many of you will be thinking “Well, these people apply to be on TV, so they know what they’re letting themselves in for”. And to a degree, this is true. However, voiceovers and editing cuts are not predictable and so no one can be truly sure what will be aired on TV. Moreover, dependent upon the degree of severity of each individual’s mental health problem, they may be much more vulnerable to increased anxiety levels and exploitation. It may appear that I have a rather skewed opinion on such programmes being aired. However, it is merely because I don’t believe that exploitation and entertainment should be on the same wavelength. On these grounds, I am usually more open to documentaries on the topic such as ‘Jon Richardson: a little bit OCD’. In this way, conditions are taken more seriously and addressed accordingly. I know we all like some light-hearted
fun, but should it really be coming to us at the expense of someone else’s health condition? Such is also the case with programmes such as The Undateables. I think this show has a really lovely sentiment on the surface but once again we are in the position of being entertained by what could be described as exploitative TV. It is possible that we have reached a point in time where in order for education to have a good media platform; it requires an entertainment spin on it. This is a productive means by which to spread the message about breaking down the stigma that attaches itself to mental health. However, we need always be aware that these people’s lives are real and only part-documented by Channel 4. If you wish to enhance your knowledge then tune in but if you wish to be entertained by the spectator element only, you may be better off on YouTube watching cat videos.
Thunder, Thunder, Thunderchats! Chat show have become almost legendary on Friday and Saturday nights. Rebecca Dooley, Georgia Bygate and Dylan Healy take a look to see which chat show king rules above the rest
Alan Carr
Jonathan Ross
Graham Norton
The highlight of any Friday night (if you’re not already intoxicated by 10pm) has got to be Alan Carr. He’s the campest chat show presenter on TV and with those famed glasses and distinctive teeth, you’ve got to love him. Who wants constrained small talk when you could have a good old-fashion gossip over some cheap booze- anyone for some Lambrini? Any student can find a kindred soul in Alan Carr with his love of alcohol (and I mean, who doesn’t wish they had his atlas drinking cabinet?). Carr is undeniably ‘one of us’ and his personality shines throughout each and every interview. From Lady Gaga to Karl Pilkington, Alan has interviewed everyone, and the glorious charm about Carr is that his personality doesn’t change for different celebrities; he treats them all the same which is truly refreshing. Carr’s refreshingly blunt personality and mix of genuine questioning with comedy is not only a winner for audiences but also seems to win over the celebr it ies as well, as they are enticed into giving open answers by his down to earth charm. He’s a wellestablished figure on the comedy circuit and I for one certainly hope his chatty self stays on my TV for years to come.
I hear the phrase “Jonathan Ross” and think Saturday night. Unlike his competitors Ross is not a comedian, but a slick professional leading the field for the past 12 years. In trademark style ‘Wossy’ loves to kick off an interview by offending his guest, something Paul Hollywood found out recently “You’re not as chunky in real life, did you lose weight?”. But make no mistake he can still ask the serious questions. Rarely does Ross have a bad interview, his natural charm and charisma eventually wins over even the steeliest of guests and enthrals his millions of viewers. Jonathan Ross is a veteran on the scene, and his professional experience is comforting for viewers. The current series has been packed with stars; from Hollywood heavyweight Sandra Bullock to national treasure Julie Walters. He recently persuaded Tom Hanks to perform the ‘keyboard scene’ from Big in front of the live studio audience; he’s surely the king for that then? At times he’s bordered on the outrageous (admittedly not helped by the presence of Russell Brand!) But take this and his inability to pronounce his own surname away and surely he’s still the king of chat shows.
I remember this overly flamboyant man doing a hilarious cover of ‘Bohemian Rhapsody’ on Father Ted. He instantly captivated my attention, and little did I know that I had caught Graham Norton before his 14-year rise up the TV ranks. Back in his Channel 4 days Norton was seen as risqué and rude, however today the average British viewer seems to have met him half way. There has been a cultural shift where the more ridiculously camp, crude and flamboyant you are the more ratings you’ll achieve. He is king of comic timing, and knows exactly which buttons (or red chair levers) to press to get the best out of the Hollywood elite. Even the most fearsome interviewees, like Robert De Niro, have assimilated to the Norton’s way and revealed themselves to the viewer. He’s placed himself very far away from the Paxmans of this world, which in effect has created a new appealing, image of the average TV interviewer, which is 100% much more engaging television. He has changed t h e format having all his guests out at the same time, chatting to each other and it really works; it’s refreshing. It’s no longer opinion, Norton is undoubtedly the chat show king.
BADvertising David Leighton takes a look at the perfume pandemic taking over the TV
I
t’s that time again, nine minutes past six; The Simpsons have barely been for a few minutes and already another round of adverts flashes across the screen. Ooo, lah dee dah, it’s a perfume advert, full of whimsically stereotyped bullshit, like the visual equivalent of a sensual fart. Wonderful, just bloody wonderful - One Direction have made a perfume line and subsequently, a perfume advert. Here I was thinking I wouldn’t pop a vein in anger this week, but nope, it’s gone and popped hasn’t it. Why on earth do they need to do this? It’s not like they don’t already have enough money to rule the earth. I’ve figured it out though, One Direction have a dedicated and cult following, often referred to as the ‘Directioners’, or known more broadly as the ‘Tweens’. Yes, the “Twishite” bunch, a group of (mostly) younger folk whom I have more contempt for than Katie Hopkins has for poor people.
The scene opens (with a lovely Instagram filter) to the song ‘My Favourite Things’, from The Sound of Music. This is incredibly ironic, considering they wouldn’t know the sound of good music it if were forcibly inserted into which ever orifice produces the auto-tuned nuisance they seem so fond of coming up with. Aw, look, now the boys are sniffing all kinds of lovely things, flowers, strawberries and then – ooh – a foot, someone put a foot there! Hilarious! It’s a shame though really, when you realise the boys probably had as much creative input with this advert as they do with anything they “create”. This comes across in one of the scenes where two twenty year old men pour a bucket of feathers onto another twenty year old man, in some desperate attempt to attain “awhs” from their teen following. I should imagine the only creative input from any of the boys in the advert, is that one of them was allowed to grow a bit of stubble for it (careful, you’ll scare the younger fans!).
Ah, now they are playing around on spinny chairs and tickling each other, fantastic. They’re really nailing the ‘teenage heart-throb’ cliché here; full kudos for playing that ‘rarely exploited card’. Again. Essentially, this is a perfect example of why mass media is pandering too much to five year olds; in particular five year olds who don’t even understand that it isn’t normal for five twenty year old men to “playfight” for their entertainment. So, to conclude (before I vomit anger-acid), it would seem the advertising industry has come up with a way to perfectly combine the advert and the produce the advert is selling – because both the advert and the product seen here are clearly just horse piss.
28. TVfeature
Monday 11 November 2013
The Courier
TV Editor: Beth Durant Deputy TV Editor: Helen Daly
Battle of the box sets
Buying box sets has become a bit of an obsession for many, with people spending all their money on getting the complete collection. TV Editors Beth Durant and Helen Daly take a look at the most popular genres to see which box sets we should buy, and which we should leave firmly on the shelves
Science-fiction
Horror
Everyone loves a good sci-fi show. Not everyone will admit to it, but they do, they LOVE them. I’m one of those who will just shout it loud and proud: Sci-fi is not just a brilliant genre; it should be a staple of everyone’s box set collection. Let’s start with Doctor Who. Not only a classic British sci-fi series, the show has now gone world-wide, and with the 50th anniversary episode just around the corner, it’s essential that we all grab a copy and lose ourselves in the world of Time Lords and far-off planets. Speaking of far-off planets, you can’t get more alien than Star Trek. Yes, for all the Trekkies out there, Star Trek is not just a show; it’s a lifestyle choice. Forget the sparkly bloodsuckers of recent fame and choose the original vampire slayers instead. Buffy the Vampire Slayer was a classic American series with enough teen drama to shake a stick at this is definitely one for the sci-fi fanatics.
Buffy the Vampire Slayer is so applicable to this genre, especially if we’re talking about box sets. I had seasons 1-3 stolen from my student house last year and I was honestly more upset that my seven-season collection had been tarnished than the fact that my laptop had been stolen. Screw the irreplaceable uni work! Let’s not forget American Horror story, which seeks to add a bit more zest to the saturated genre. No more cheesy effects (sorry, Buffy), no more soppy love-triangles (sorry, Buffy), just decent TV. Recently going into its third season, the DVD’s have been selling particularly well on Amazon). Even if you dislike a certain part of a season, you can buy it in two (or even 3) sections which means you don’t have to shell out a ridiculous £40 for a mere 22 episodes. Talk about a rip-off. Instead, choose your episodes more wisely and go for the 2-parter box set.
British sitcoms
American sitcoms
Everyone will have a favourite and everyone has an opinion on the best. Let’s start with the classics. You can’t go wrong with a classic sitcom such as Only Fools and Horses, Father Ted and ‘Allo ‘Allo. We should all say ‘good moaning’ to our favourite wheeler dealers and priests-gonewrong and chill out with a good, classic box set. If you want to skip this step (but quite frankly, you would be insane to overlook these classics), today’s sitcoms ever-present feature of the TV listings (let alone my own planner). Shows like The Inbetweeners and Fresh Meat push the boundaries of sitcoms being familyfriendly. Finally, there’s the comedianturned-actor sub-genre which is ever growing. Peter Kay turned his accessible comedy into the fantastic Phoenix Nights which gained its own spin-off with Max and Paddy; if you haven’t seen either, pick up a box set immediately and prepare for an education, Bolton style.
Documentaries
Ever-reliable and easy-viewing, the documentary should have a place in everyone’s box set collection. I would defy anyone to say that they have not watched a David Attenborough documentary and not laughed, cried and instantly logged onto their computer to purchase a box set. From Frozen Planet to Africa, Attenborough has really been there and done the lot and probably got all the T-shirts. But what happens when you’ve watched all of Attenborough’s documentaries? For something different, look no further than Karl Pilkington and An Idiot Abroad. Karl takes a leaf out of Palin’s book and goes on a once in a lifetime trip around the world, twice. What makes this box set truly amazing is his ability to find the worst in every situation. The Great Wall of China? Too long. Whale watching? The boat made him seasick. Karl doesn’t enjoy the situations he’s in and he moans, whinges and above all, he makes great viewing.
I spent my childhood transition into teendom by collecting the Friends box sets. You might call me a bit of a sad act, but how many people can boast that they collected all ten seasons before they came out in one of those collector’s edition bundled together? Not to mention that the spines spelt out “FRIENDS” perfectly. I felt like the coolest kid in school. A few recent additions to the sitcom genre with our good friends across the pond are Parks and Recreation, the fabulously dry comedic show with the likes of Amy Poehler and Nick Offerman. I’m sure if Ron Swanson had anything to say about box sets, he’d say they were a retail invention created to make some extra cash (is he wrong?). Arrested Development, whilst recently an online-exclusive through Netflix, is another fantastic option when looking for a gift for a housemate, if only so you can steal their copy.
90’s classics
You better believe it - all your childhood TV shows are now available on DVD and Blu-Ray. Forget waiting 15 minutes for your episode to rewind on your good ol’ VHS player - you can flick between episodes to your hearts content. There’s no need to switch nostalgically through the kids channels waiting for some re-runs when you can sit in front of your laptop for 8 hours on a Sunday marathoning all 7 seasons of a show when you’re attempting to do some uni work. Kenan and Kel, Sabrina the Teenage Witch, Rugrats... it’s all there for us to love. If you’re a fan of the Olsen twins (who wasn’t when they were kids? I’m sure we all wanted to be them) then you should definitely check out their brilliant series’ now available through the power of box-sets, including the classic Two of a Kind. It’s even possible to get some “special collection” ones where some delightful individual has collected the best episode of every Nick Jr show. Get excited. Grace Stephenson
The Courier
Monday 11 November 2013
sciencefeature.29
Formula One: a sport of speed, brawn and brains A sport that’s a cocktail of raw ability, cutting edge technology and 200mph thrills; Tom MacKenzie expresses a fan’s voice on the science and technology that keeps Formula One his first stop for sport
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s a long-time Formula 1 fan, upon expressing my enjoyment of the sport to people I meet, and even to those I know very well, I am well used to being faced with the response “but why do you like it? Isn’t it just really boring watching cars go round a track for 2 hours?” Hopefully in this article I can explain that there’s a bit more to it than that and that it might affect all our future everyday lives more than we realise. It’s pretty clear to see that a modern F1 ‘car’ bears little resemblance to its road-going relatives and has more in common superficially with a jet fighter. Perhaps the better known facts and figures surrounding F1 cars are those to do with their absurd levels of performance; being able to generate several times the force of gravity while accelerating, braking or turning a corner is pretty impressive, but I can understand that it doesn’t float everyone’s boat and it probably won’t turn out to be vital in our future everyday lives. More significantly, there is a feature of modern F1 cars which has been present for 5 years, but may be pretty much unheard of to those with no interest in the sport: KERS – the kinetic energy recovery system. KERS is, essentially, a boost button which will supply an additional 80 bhp for around 7 seconds per lap. To put that in perspective, the entire engine of a small hatchback produces less power than that. KERS works by harvesting and then resupplying energy which would ordinarily be ‘lost’
under braking. This kinetic energy can be stored in one of two main ways. The method used by all Formula 1 teams utilises a battery which gets charged under braking by a transfer of mechanical energy from the engine into electrical energy, this can then be released when power is required. The second system uses a flywheel which the engine can rotate at up to 80,000 rpm. When power is needed, the flywheel is connected to the wheels and the energy is unleashed. The flywheel design is more efficient since the energy doesn’t need to be turned into electricity to keep hold of it, instead the momentum of the flywheel maintains rotation so minimal energy is lost. “So what?” you may ask, “why should I care if they can overtake each other using boost?” The straight answer is that you don’t have to. Yes, KERS does spice it up a little sometimes but in the big picture systems such as KERS have a much more important, real-world role. As you may have guessed, that role is in the humble road car, upon which we are all reliant almost every day. One of the first car manufacturers to set the bandwagon on its way is Volvo, as is often the case with the latest automotive innovations. They have opted for a flywheel connected to the rear axle which would enable the car to pull away with the engine switched off, which Volvo say could cut fuel consumption by
Image: Mario30095
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“Imagine you’re a multi-millionaire and you want to set up an F1 team where would you live, what would you need to do to make a ready race car?”
ith Sebastian Vettel and Red Bull Racing recently winning their 4th Formula 1 World Championships on the trot at the Indian Grand Prix, now seems like as good a time as any to reflect on what it is that Red Bull have been getting so right. Many people complain about the dominance of Vettel, claiming that he’s only winning just because he’s got the best car. But compare Vettel to Lionel Messi, probably the best footballer on the planet right now – possibly ever; regardless of this, he would be nowhere in the world of football without a half decent team around him. The same is true of F1, it is a team sport; something which many people often forget. It may be true that he wouldn’t have won all 4 titles without having the best car, but having the best car is half the point in Formula 1 – the most naturally talented team in any sport could not go out against a worthy adversary and expect to win if they haven’t trained for it or lack the right equipment. Every team has their own factory operated by around 50 to 200 employees where they design, manufacture and test their parts, and most of these are in the UK. So imagine you’re a multi-millionaire and you want to set up an F1 team. Where would you live, what do you need to do to make a race ready car? The quick answer is pretty much everything; almost all of what can be seen on the outside and a lot of what’s inside is made from scratch and tested by the teams themselves. The aerodynamic wings and flaps covering the cars are tested using scaled models in wind tunnels at the teams’ factories or solely using computer models. If it’s not made by the team though it is likely sourced from an external supplier and integrated seamlessly into the car, such as the brakes which are made by a selection of external suppliers specifically for Formula 1. In the case of the brakes it is usually the drivers who choose, as each brand has their own characteristics, for example Lewis Hamilton’s brake of choice is made by Carbone Industrie, while his team mate’s are the more common Brembo equivalent. Despite the cars all looking very similar then,
25%. But to give Volvo all the credit would be unfair; Ferrari, Porsche and, on a more down to earth note, Renault with their electric Twizy have all applied KERS to road-going vehicles. So from the outside, the appeal that attracts fans to F1 may be a mystery, but that doesn’t mean it should be shunned and branded as an evil waste of resources; without it, such resource-saving technologies would take a lot longer to appear in the cars we all drive every day.
Formula one fact file An F1 car can accelerate from 0 to 100 mph and back again in under 5 seconds. The brakes of an F1 car reach temperatures in excess of 1000 °C. An F1 car can weigh as little as 500 kg, about two thirds the weight of a classic Mini. The fastest ever recorded pit stop which involves changing all four wheels took only 2.02 seconds. The engine of an average family car will max out at around 4,000 rpm. A formula one engine runs at up to 18,000. The temporary 2.1 mile Monaco street circuit (left) is lined by tyre walls containing in excess of 3,600 tyres and 21 miles of safety barrier.
“KERS is essentially a boost button” it’s not like they’ve been built from parts out of a box by following the instructions. Two components which are out of the hands of teams are the tyres (made by Pirelli at the moment, although brands such as Goodyear, Bridgestone and Michelin have done so in the past) and the electronic control unit, or ECU. These are built for all teams to FIA specifications by McLaren and control all the electronic systems within the car – basically everything depends on them – but even then each team uses their own approved choice of software. ECUs were brought in to police the use of driver aids, which are not allowed in the sport anymore as they were thought to be reducing the skill required by the driver, an issue which Ayrton Senna felt strongly about. So that means that the current drivers in F1 don’t have things like traction control or anti-lock brakes, which are commonplace in many modern road cars. Every bit of Formula 1 is dictated by some rule or regulation aimed at keeping the sport close, exciting (we all have our opinions), safe and affordable and it is these rules which Red Bull have made such effective use of. The teams are given a set of laws and restrictions each season which the cars must abide by to be allowed to compete and as long as they fit the bill, the teams can do whatever else they like. It’s a constant development race throughout the season to improve the cars; teams don’t turn up with a car in March and use it, unchanged, right through to November. At every race all the teams will have a range of newly designed parts to reduce lap times by as
Over the course of a single race around the streets of Monaco, drivers make nearly 5,000 gear changes.
little as half a tenth of a second, which can make more difference than it sounds. Every team that has had a dominant streak in the sport’s history has had someone to mastermind the design of their car; technical director Ross Brawn was the driving force behind the success of Ferrari from 2000 to 2004. The man in charge of this mammoth task at Red Bull is one of the most successful people ever to take part in the sport. He has won the most championships and the second most races of anyone, but he sits on the pit wall on the Sunday of a Grand Prix weekend, not in the driver’s seat. Adrian Newey is therefore not a name which often, if ever, makes the headlines but it’s no exaggeration to say that without his design input at Red Bull over the past 4 years, Vettel would probably not be sitting quite so close to the top of the list of all-time greats.
Image: Morio
30.music
Monday 11 November 2013
The Courier
Music Editors: Kate Bennett and Ian Mason
RAGE
against the
ROUTINE
Everyone loves a bit of Biffy Clyro to sing the night away don’t they? Music Editor Ian Mason thinks otherwise
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’d like to start this by saying I don’t utterly loathe Biffy Clyro in the way that many question a band, I simply think that somewhere, somehow, I’ve missed the memo. When I pitched this particular column at the beginning of term as something we should feature regularly in the paper it was Biffy I had in mind. Fans of Clyro will be reading this demanding I see them live. Well I have, an incredible nine times for a band I don’t care for. I could profess myself as a superfan who’s been there since the beginning, because I really have. I first saw them over at the Poly (don’t worry, I showered quickly after leaving) opening for Hundred Reasons all the way back in 2004 and following that they developed a weird trend of supporting bands I like. I also attend a lot of festivals, and as some of my closest friends are big fans, I caught them several times, from their first festival sub-headline at Download warming up for Metallica, until they moved into top billing themselves for both the first time ever at Sonisphere and subsequently this year at Leeds. Because several of my friends are big fans, I’m forced to listen to them seemingly relentlessly on long journeys, evening soirees and generally those days when friends insist that you MUST like them. Honestly, I don’t. Their music is really bland, it doesn’t interest me at all. They seem to have built themselves a little niche, as many bands do, in-between genres - harnessing radio friendly indie while stuttering into a hard rock act so as to draw fans of both genres. The problem is, they aren’t an especially good indie act, and they definitely aren’t a hard rock act. They’re just kind of, Biffy. Their big hit ‘Mountains’ is the kind of track that drunken hipsters like to drone along to, but has anyone actually ever paid attention to the lyrics? They’re such utter garbage that they make Sigur Ros seem comprehensible. “I wrote a note to the jungle and they wrote me back that I was never crowned king of the jungle so, there’s a end to my horizon.” Genuinely, that’s the level of comprehension I have every time I hear it. There are plenty other lyrics just as woeful. I’m sure many people will have read this and felt that rage I feel when someone doesn’t understand one of my favourite acts, but try and back up your arguments better than most do by simply yelling “Mon the Biff.” Honestly, you sound as moronic as someone telling me they are a mountain or a sea.
ARTPOP Lady Gaga
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ho said music can’t be artistic and a little controversial? Mama Monster has come back to munch her way through the charts with much-awaited third studio album ARTPOP. Will Gaga blow us away like those sparkling Madonna bralets of hers? Or is she on the verge of a musical breakdown, to be dragged away kicking and screaming in a straightjacket? First to grace our eardrums is ‘Aura’, which begins with a sizzling tone that’s a cross between Lana Del Rey and the Django Unchained soundtrack. After a minute of intense, hot-blooded banjo jamming, the track takes a schizophrenic turn into a hyperactive, synth-saturated disco beat, fuelled by Gaga’s melodic singing. Already her maniacal musical experimentation is in force. ‘Venus’ sounds like the offspring of ABBA and a cyborg, while calamitous gangster track ‘Jewels N’ Drugs’ should have been kicked to the kerb and set alight before its presence on the album was even suggested.
“Gaga keeps firing off cataclysmic torpedoes with cancerous musical results” As ‘ARTPOP’ progresses, Gaga keeps firing off cataclysmic torpedoes with cancerous musical results. The narcissistic ‘Swine’ is backed by relentless hiccupy sound-bites which should’ve been left at Chessington’s Bubbleworks water ride. Collaborating with R Kelly in ‘Do What You Want’ only induces chuckles with his “eh eh eh” interjections. It’s not all bad, as ‘MANiCURE’ churns out an empowering girly hit which combines female beau-
ty and fierce girl power into an infectious punchy club hit. ‘Donatella’ and ‘Fashion!’ are reminiscent of Gaga’s epic debut The Fame, especially ‘Donatella’ being remarkably similar to classics ‘Money Honey’ and ‘Beautiful Dirty Rich’. As the album nears its much-craved end, Gaga’s talents seem to materialize as she casts off her demonic alter-ego, with the beautiful ballad ‘Dope’. It bears a likeness to The Fame Monster’s ‘Speechless’; but solemnity is not welcome here as the melancholic lyrics ‘I love you more than dope’ are only greeted by snorting laughter. ‘Gypsy’ begins with a beautiful piano melody that showcases Gaga’s exquisite vocals, but the musical switch is flipped and it transforms into a flamboyantly cheeky little dance number. Final track is the triumphant ‘Applause’, which defines Gaga’s theatrical persona down to a tee, with her ferocious chanting of “I live for the applause”. These frenzied, juiced-up dance sensations are perfect for getting your groove on - she definitely saved the best for last. Gaga aimed to put “art culture into pop music”; it’s safe to say there’s a bucket load of pop, dance, electronica and synth mashed up in there, but to call this art would be defaming the name of music. With one exception, the first half of this album needs to be wiped from my memory. It’s safe to say Gaga’s little monsters will revel in her self-obsessed, over-sexualised and just plain raving musical potions. Gaga only manages to steer this train wreck by bringing in distinctive Gaga attributes towards the very end. Recommended download: ‘MANiCURE’ Alex Gibbs
Sick Octave
M.I.A.
O
nce upon a time, Young Knives wore tweed and sounded like a very polite, doughy version of Gang of Four. Now they’re channelling early Depeche Mode and singing things like, “On the count of three, we’re gonna fuck you up”. They’re a much more knotty proposition nowadays than just being some nice men with sensible trousers and a bass player called House of Lords. Having rustled up ten grand via Kickstarter for this venture, Young Knives certainly sound like they’ve a renewed sense of freedom. On the one hand, Sick Octave is very violent, bustling and densely layered, underpinned by squelchy, compressed bass. On the other hand, it’s wistful and sweeping, undercut by Henry Dartnall’s twitchy vocal tics, and sounds a bit like Massive Attack fronted by a spokesman from the Milk Marketing Board who is having a protracted mental breakdown. The themes of transition and metamorphosis run throughout, reaching a peak on ‘Something Awful’: it bounces frantically between cacophony, funk and a kind of anxiety-ridden psych-rock as Dartnall sings, “I can feel that I’m changing… into something awful”. It’s thrilling and muscular and extremely disorientating all at the same time. As much as it’s a considerable departure from the mannered, artfully stilted guitar pop Young Knives started with, Sick Octave actually sounds like the completion of a circuit: the Wicker Man aesthetic of their first record referenced a murky, weird underbelly to British life; now, they’ve written the soundtrack to that underbelly. Recommended download: ‘Something Awful’ Tom Nicholson
Madonna MDNA
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he original blonde bombshell of the chart world, Madge’s 2012’s album ‘MDNA’ showed the ever-controversial songstress still has pop fans eating out of the palm of her perfectly manicured hands.
Avril Lavigne
Matangi
Young Knives
If you like this, try ...
Avril Lavigne
M
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Recommended download: ‘Bad Girls’
Recommended download: ‘17’
.I.A has always been a controversial music figure since her mainstream breakthrough with ‘Paper Planes’ in 2008; her newly released album Matangi is no different. Being a female artist nowadays usually comprises political indifference, rehashed love songs and naked wrecking-ball swinging, but M.I.A has managed to stand her ground as an independent artist and brings herself and her views to her music, instead of her body. Her Eastern roots are a prominent feature in her music and it is this Eastern vibe that creates a real break from current music. She fiercely displays her identity throughout the album, but in no track does she do it so well as in ‘aTENTion’, where she militantly declares herself in a musical collision of cultures. At times some of the tracks just have too much going on and at one point I actually thought I was experiencing a Bhangra headache. Word to the wise: don’t listen to the title track if enduring even a slight hangover, you’ll get the Queen herself preaching the different countries of the world at you during a chaotic and hypnotic storm of Bollywood-esque noise. The music itself is pretty decent, but I guarantee that you will not appreciate the frantic five minute geography lesson. However, before the hangover, make sure you’re drinking to ‘Bad Girls’ and are doing that awkward breakdown dance to ‘Double Bubble Trouble’, even if it does start off sounding like a children’s nursery rhyme. M.I.A may be catchy, but she is in no way a cliché of a modern female artist. Matangi cannot be rivalled in its fresh and raw take on hip-hop and world music and for this it should be applauded.
Eve McGeady
was pleasantly surprised, listening to Avril Lavigne’s latest album; it almost lived up to the moany pre-pubescent tracks I had danced around my bedroom to as a child. It fits neatly into three categories, with the only instance of consistency being the undertones of sexuality which fluctuate from overt and obvious - such as ‘Hello Kitty’, in which Lavigne encourages us to “play with Kitty and me,” - to subtle and sweet, as in ‘17.’ It begins with aggressive teenage pop-rock, and this is where the album is a real success. ‘Rock and Roll’ and ‘17’ stay true to the old sound of ‘Sk8ter Boi’ and ‘Complicated’, albeit with a slightly more upbeat pop tone. They’re characterised by Lavigne’s whiney voice, catchy lyrics and a powerful acoustic thrum tying everything together. ‘Hello Heartache’ and ‘Falling Fast’ satisfy my guilty pleasure for emotionally charged rock ballads, though they’re somewhat tarnished by the greasy influence of her new husband, Nickelback’s Chad Kroeger. Their soppy duet ‘Let Me Go’ is too long, with mundane lyrics and no personality. Finally, there is the ‘sorry what?’ category, which makes it hard not to view the album as a tragic move to avoid irrelevance. ‘Bad Girl’ features Marilyn Manson uttering creepy daddy fantasies in a cookie monster voice, and ‘Hello Kitty’ is Lavigne’s dubstep debut. Lavigne is pushing 30, on her second marriage and yet she is still writing songs about making out in the back of cars. Despite this, I view it as a return to success, channelling her first two albums - i.e. before ‘Girlfriend.’
Annie Lord
The Courier
music.31
Monday 11 November 2013
thecourieronline.co.uk/music c2.music@ncl.ac.uk | @courier_music
SceNE: Record Store
Singles
club
Josh Nicholson lends his critical ears to this week’s singles
Each week we take a closer look at a different spot in Newcastle’s music scene. This week: Reflex
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ewcastle’s a great city for independent record stores, with Reflex a fixture since it opened in 1999. Probably the easiest of Newcastle’s record shops to find and get to, Reflex is tucked away on Nun Street in between one of the entrances to Grainger Market and a Red Cross shop (incidentally, one of the better charity shops in Newcastle, if you’re into your second-hand clothing. There are few better things to do on a spare Saturday afternoon in Newcastle than have a mooch around the record stores, second-hand bookshops, charity shops and vintage stores, stopping off every hour or so for a coffee somewhere that isn’t Starbucks. You’re effing spoilt here, you really are.) Reflex stocks a mixture of CDs and vinyl, from
Talking Heads
Should the fact that Chris Brown is a raging bell-end affect his career? Amy Forde and Georgia Dodsworth debate whether we should separate the ‘artist’ from the ‘art’
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o Chris Brown’s been arrested again. No, you haven’t picked up an old issue, he’s been arrested again (this time for breaking a man’s nose with the help of his bodyguard. Yay, teamwork!). Of course, after Rihanna-gate 2009 Brown could have already spent the last four years becoming better acquainted with the inmates of Los Angeles County Jail, but instead his music career is as big as ever, with artists still clamouring to work with him. Brown’s behaviour is obviously appalling to any sentient person (and exasperating to whoever is still his publicist), but his fans and the industry seem to have glossed over his transgressions, and separated the man from his music. This may seem objectionable to morally tormented music fans like my s el f, but is that what w e
old classics to new releases, and across a variety of genres. As well as the regular pop/rock and chart sections, Reflex has dedicated CD sections for specific genres such as punk rock and soul – if you’re after an obscure Charged GBH album, make Reflex your first port of call. Prices at Reflex are pretty competitive; new releases cost around the same as they would do in mainstream stores like HMV, and there are always deals on the rest of the stock, which you can ask to mix – you don’t have to hunt around the shop for hours looking for 3 albums that a) are all on the same deal and b) you actually want. (Hands up everyone who’s come home from a record shop with two albums they were after and one random that gets played once and then languishes at the bottom of your pile for the next five years before being donated to Oxfam.) This is just one example of how Reflex really get what customers want from a shop; you can also order something in if they don’t have it.
Reflex is well-connected in the local live music scene: you can buy gig tickets for many local venues, both in-store and over the phone, and you’re always given a leaflet outlining upcoming performances in the area with whatever you’ve purchased. They also get artists in to do in-store performances – most recently from blues-rockers The Temperance Movement and haunting local songstress Nadine Shah. In straitened times it’s never been more important to support your local independent record shops, and whether you’re a hardened vinyl collector or are still weaning yourself off the high street megastores, Reflex is a great place to spend an hour flipping through the stock. Directions: Walk down Grainger Street away from Grey’s Monument. Turn right down Nun Street; Reflex is on the right about a third of the way along. For gig tickets, phone 0191 260 3246.
should do? Can we really claim to objectively critique an artist’s work while their personal life influences us?
is this month (I’ve got a tenner on three years plus probation).
“John Lennon admitted abusing women in his youth, and everyone loves The Beatles” Okay, forget Chris Brown for a second; what if I told you one of the most respected, revered and downright adored musicians in history was actually a bit of an arse? In a 1980 interview, John Lennon admitted abusing women in his youth (“I was a hitter. […] I hit women”), told readers his son Julian “came from a bottle of whiskey”, and was openly unfaithful to both his wives. Even with all these factors in mind does any of Lennon’s or the Beatles’ work lose any merit because of them? No, because they’re separate – an artist’s personality may be criticised, but this shouldn’t extend to their art, which is to be appreciated as a creative work in itself. If you think a song is rubbish, fair enough, but if you want your criticism to be balanced, you should leave the artist themselves out of it. After all, just because a musician is perfectly nice doesn’t necessarily reflect on their music – Rebecca Black donated profits from ‘Friday’ to victims of the Japanese earthquake, and we’re still waiting on that Grammy. *Disclaimer: before I get lynched, no, I’m not seriously comparing Chris Brown to John Lennon. I somehow doubt the resonance of such delightful tunes as ‘Strip’ and ‘Don’t Judge Me’ will last for decades. Ironically, the latter will be redundant pretty soon anyway; his next probation hearing
Kate Bennett
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Georgia Dodsworth
’ve always been the person that shouts in the middle of a debate on music ‘you should always try and separate the artist from the art’ and although I do believe this, there are circumstances under which it cannot really be the case. One such example is Chris Brown. When it came out in 2009 that Rihanna, his then girlfriend, was pressing charges against him of domestic abuse, including the leaked photograph of her bruised face in the papers, obviously his legacy and continued role as a musician was put into jeopardy and rightly so. The point is that, if you happen to love Chris Brown’s music, then that is obviously fine. Taste is taste. I can’t say I would want to live in a country whereby any piece of art was completely banned. However, do I think there is room for some sort of boycott of his music and appearance on TV? absolutely. There are some things that cannot be acceptable to buy into and when push comes to shove, if you buy Chris Brown’s album, you are ultimately giving money to someone who has violently attacked his girlfriend and, through a continuous number of violent outbursts since, doesn’t seem that remorseful.
“There are some things that cannot be acceptable to buy into” Last week I had a similar discussion with my housemates about Jay-Z, an artist I particularly admire. My friend asked why I didn’t take offence to some of the sexist slurs he made in his songs, “99 problems but a bitch ain’t one” being the main culprit. I concluded my argument by saying I would only be truly offended if I thought he was a sexist in real life and, married to Beyonce who is far from a shrinking violet when it comes to female empowerment, I really don’t think he is. Separating the art from the artist is important but, as with everything, there is a line to how far this should be taken. Amy Forde
his week sees the return of Jay-Z, Robbie, Bruno Mars and the almighty Cliff Richard. Also, serial keyboard-playing knobs Keane are back with another one of their boring pop songs. Let’s start with Hova himself, the self-proclaimed prophet of Brooklyn. Rap came from the urban hardships of street corners to fight against the system. Jay-Z’s new single is called ‘Tom Ford’. Obviously it is quite impressive that he came from nowhere to be the international superstar he is he’s a hero of mine, may I add - but it’s not cool to sing about wearing Tom Ford when you’re meant to be the voice of the streets. The message of wearing designer suits instead of ‘popping mollies’ is a good one, because yes, if you don’t spend money on drugs you will have more money for yourself, but let’s be honest, he has a few record sales to help him afford those labels. Next up is Bruno Mars, the serial crap-hat-wear-
ing, romantic fool, who this time is singing about animals. The music video for ‘Gorilla’ has clearly been designed so that Mars can look at a very attractive woman’s arse throughout the song. What strip club really has a live band?! I’ve never been to one, nor do I ever intend to, but surely you’d be very surprised to have a 3-piece band accompanying a pole dancing set. Imagine if a band broke out into ‘The Birdy Song’ whilst a girl was stripping. Imagine the madness. Ripping up the singles also is the godly figure that is Cliff Richard. He may not get into the Top 40 (okay, he definitely won’t get into the Top 40), but the God-fearing rock ‘n’ roller is back with a revamped version of Little Richard hit ‘Rip it Up’. Now, many people subject this knight of the realm to stigma for his life choices, but the fact of the matter is his albums regularly outsell the likes of Tom Jones, Elton John and Paul McCartney. Say what you will, and I admit he could be deemed a bit odd, but Cliff is a legend and will continue being so with this homage to the olden, golden days of rock ‘n’ roll. I’d much rather listen to this than Conor bloody Maynard. Keane are just shit anyway, but I thought I would
mention them as many people like them and will be interested to know that this song is just as shit as everything else and that is all that needs saying. No doubt it will do well but SERIOUSLY, if you like this song you’re an imbecile and need to get a grip.
For gig reviews, interviews and more web features, visit us online at thecourieronline.co.uk/music
32.science
Monday 11 November 2013
The Courier
Science Editor: Elizabeth Hampson Deputy Science Editors: Emad Ahmed and Peter Style
How close are we to... Jurassic Park?
Ectotherms lakshman
This week Heather Flint asks whether dinosaurs could ever roam the earth again, or if the idea of a real life Jurassic Park is extinct
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he release of the blockbuster movie Jurassic Park in 1993 welcomed dinosaurs onto the big screen and into our imaginations through Spielberg’s use of animatronics and CGI. Dinosaurs were last seen on the earth over 65 million years ago, so the introduction of our species with theirs makes for movie magic. The science behind the movie seems fairly modern, covering themes such as cloning and genetic modification. But how close are we to performing the same feats as the on-screen scientists? John Hammond managed to breed his dinosaur herds by extracting blood from mosquitoes that had been fossilised in amber. The premise was that the DNA would survive for millions of years contained in this little ‘time capsule’ and any flaws or gaps in the chain could be fixed using a frog’s DNA. There are a few problems and improbabilities with this scenario. Firstly, the mosquito would have to be a female bloodsucking insect, which has recently fed on dinosaur blood, and would have to be trapped in amber of the perfect consistency for fossilisation. The chances of amber fossil specimens being formed are rare enough, so the odds of this happening are very tiny. If after all you did manage to obtain DNA from a
dinosaur, then mixing it with the DNA of a frog is probably the last thing you would want to do, the genetic code of the frog is so different and so complex it would take years to unravel and identify the correct components to substitute. DNA sequencing, in which the exact order of base pairs in a strand of DNA is determined, is a time consuming job. The Human Genome project, that revealed to us 99% of our species’ genetic code, took scientists around the world 13 years and $2.7 million to complete. So to attempt this for two different animals, and try to mix the two to form a living creature, is no walk in the park. Efforts to grow a dinosaur from a distant relative, birds, have ended with mixed results. The carnivores Tyrannosaurus Rex, Spinosaurus and Velociraptor all fall into the category of therapods, or ‘bird hipped’ dinosaurs. Some of the smaller raptors evolved into birdlike animals that survived the KT event which wiped out the dinosaurs, and evolved gradually to this day. So, scientists reasoned that a significant portion of a dinosaur’s genetic code could be hidden in birds’ DNA. Using chickens, researchers managed to identify genes that could make the chicken grow a tail, and also believe that the birds could be genetically manipulated to grow forelimbs instead of wings. Mutated chicks who died before they hatched were found to have a virus
Iron man to become a reality
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cience is a discipline which devotes it- Yagin in 1890, and the first true exosuit was develself to finding the facts, and there is oped by General Electric and the US milione fact that science knows very well by tary in the 1960s. Many others have tried now: that Iron Man is awesome. Some of his to develop their own suits with varying biggest fans are the US military (unsurprisdegrees of success, and the suits present ingly, given the subject matter of the films). benefits not just in combat but also in eveIn fact, the US military love him so ryday situations. The most famuch that they’re actually developing an mous example is HAL, created Iron Man-style suit for use in combat. by Cyberdyne, which is curUS army chiefs have coined the term rently being used in Japanese Tactical Assault Light Operating Suit (or hospitals by nurses to combat TALOS) for their new baby. The suit will both the increasing number of bring a number of benefits to troops such elderly patients in care homes as ‘superhuman strength’, with rough esand the lack of young health timates of a soldier being able to carry professionals, lifting and anywhere from 80 to 300kg. The suit will carrying patients more easalso be able to provide medical help by ily. Where else in the world applying pressure to wounds in order to would you have super-powstop bleeding, meaning warfare is ofered nurses other than Japan? ficially one step closer to Call of Duty. To top it all off, TALOS is However, the most disappointing closer to making this a reality problem by a country mile is the lack of than you might think. A workflight, but that would make things too easy. ing prototype is currently schedEven the way Lt Col Karl Borjes describes the uled for completion by next year, suit makes it sound like a video game, statwith a more finalised version coming ing the suit is a ‘combat armour suit’. He went in late 2016. The current breakneck on to say that “the requirement is a comprepace of technological advancement hensive family of systems in a combat armour means science fiction is quickly besuit where we bring together an exoskeleton coming reality. If this continues, with innovative armour, displays for power we will hopefully have a working monitoring, health monitoring, and integratmodel before the aliens inevitably ing a weapon into that”. St Major Chris Faris invade. Because if Iron Man bealso stated that “no one industry is able to build comes a reality, then the climax of it”, meaning private organizations are going to The Avengers might as well follow. have to step in to foot the bill for development. However, exosuits are by no means new developments. The first ever working model was created by Russian scientist Nicholas Michael Hicks Image: Yum9me
that, as a side effect, activated a recessive gene that made them grow sharp teeth. Biologists in Wisconsin created a harmless version of the virus that also triggered the same gene and infected chicks which then grew a set of fangs. Sadly, the funding to create a ‘dinochicken’ is in short supply, so the project is still in its early days. Aside from the public’s desire to see these awe inspiring creatures in the flesh (who wouldn’t want to see a fully grown Brachiosaurus grazing alongside the cows in the fields near Ricky Road?), motivation to rebuild a dinosaur from its fossils is scarce. With the social and medical challenges our world already faces, who would want to bring a hungry tyrannosaur into the mix? There is also the argument that it would be easier and more reasonable to bring back animals more recently extinct by human hands, such as the Tasmanian wolf or the carrier pigeon, as we have full and intact DNA samples from these animals, and similar species to add the DNA to. So, unfortunately, the idea of a real Jurassic Park is, for now, extinct.
Illustrations by Rachel Templeman
Entering a new dimension
A
lthough the first fully functional 3D printer was created in 1984, it wasn’t until recently that this type of printing entered into the public arena. These printers are capable of translating a digital conception into a tangible object by layering bits of material until the desired form is achieved. The materials employed in 3D printing are constantly expanding, but currently, the most widely used are various forms of plastics and metals. The easier accessibility to these printers and their consistently lowering prices are the factors responsible for the recent boom in their commercialization. Products available span categories as diverse as fashion and jewellery to home décor and gadgets. This marks 3D printing’s first foray into major American retail and will set a precedent for any ventures like it to come. 3D printing doesn’t only offer new possibilities in the industrial realm though; there has been speculation in the medical field that it may be possible to use 3D printing to replicate ideal human tissue and organs. The Popular Science site attests that this would completely revolutionize modern medicine, as we know it. It would put an end to extensive waiting lists for organ
transplants and even eliminate the need for organ donors altogether. It would also make risky transplant surgeries less likely to be rejected by the patient’s body, since the organ would be fabricated using samples of the patient’s own DNA. However, not everyone is thrilled with what 3D printers have to offer, though. In regards to regulations of the creation of weapons. Functional guns have been created using 3D printers. This poses a major problem for security purposes as the gun was made of polycarbonate and therefore, undetectable by any form of metal detector. As reported on the BBC website, just this past week, what are suspected to be 3D printer gun parts were Image: Inhabitat found during a police raid in Manchester, confirming suspicions of the violence these machines could advance. The 3D printing process is still in its infancy, therefore there are no laws monitoring the creations of the average user. Anyone with access to one of the printers, a digital rendering of a gun, and a rudimentary understanding of the process could manufacture a dangerous and concealed weapon. Despite these possible pitfalls regarding 3D printing, it seems that we will be seeing a lot more of it in the future. Meagan Mallen
The Courier
science.33
Monday 11 November 2013
thecourieronline.co.uk/science c2.science@ncl.ac.uk | @courier_science
Myth Not so Happy Feet: the chilling Dynamite truth behind the pretty pictures
Doug Allan is one of the most experienced documentary cameramen, with works including Plant Earth and Life. Laura Wotton reports on her meeting with the photographer
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ast week I was fortunate enough to meet the infamous Doug Allan, the all-seeing ‘eye’ behind many of the biggest and best wildlife documentaries to date. Admitting that diving was his first passion, Doug has since spent an awful lot of time beneath the sea shooting some of the most notable and recognizable underwater footage ever recorded. Attenborough’s Frozen Planet and more recently filming lemon sharks in Rangiroa make for a mere smattering of his extensive film portfolio. Lamenting the sorry truth that ‘you’ll never have a real friendship with a fish’, Doug seeks solace filming his not-so-cuddly favourite mammal, the polar bear. Yet performing effortlessly for the camera is not necessarily in the polar bear repertoire. Standby snowmobiles, ‘bear spray’ and 360-degree vision are the ‘bear’ essentials Doug requires for an average day at work as according to the man himself, “It’s not the bear you can see that’s going to get you”. Bumble down to the opposite Pole and you meet the emperor penguins. Majestic, long-lived and imposing members of their icy realm, these penguins comprise a great deal of Doug’s most impressive filming, slipping beneath ice shelves
with the ease, grace and undeniable speed of a stiletto-ed girl in Flares. Yet it isn’t always plain sailing in the penguin world. As if dodging leopard seals and trudging miles over ice plains doesn’t suffice, the average penguin must contend with complex human camping contrivances, Doug recalling the muffled sounds of penguin after penguin tripping over the tent guy ropes one ‘particularly sleepless’ night. Penguin-friendly igloos, Doug confirms, make for better (and ironically ‘ice-proof ’) bedrooms when required. Yet besides the polar bears and the odd penguin, there’s one crucial difference that separates our working lives to that of Doug’s; whilst we’re running out of printer ink, Doug’s short of ice.
Many of the ‘facts’ we believe to be common scientific knowledge are actually myths. Matthew Byrne uncovers the truth Water drains different ways in different hemispheres
We’ve all seen it and as a five-year-old boy I even tested it and swore it was true. The science the myth is based on is the Coriolis effect. Based on the rotation of the earth and the inertia of the mass of water in the basin experiencing the effect, the water in either hemisphere should spin in different directions. Because the earth only rotates once per day the Coriolis force that the water in the bath experiences is miniscule; it is too weak to be responsible for the direction of spin. The effects are only generally noticeable when observing large masses, for example bodies of air. Cyclones in the northern hemisphere do spin in opposite directions in either hemisphere. On such a small scale however the differing directions of spin are due to the direction that the water enters the basin.
Even the most optimistic among us can’t deny that climate change is sweeping into the both the Arctic and Antarctic at the rate of knots. And it’s taking both polar bears and penguins with it. Doug shared his prediction that by the middle of this century, we can expect to lose two thirds of the world’s polar bear population, a calculation that only hints at the extensiveness of the loss to follow. Indeed it was only last year that the emperor penguin was uplisted to the ‘near threatened’ category on the endangered species spectrum, a classification set to ramp up a notch in the light of increasing global temperatures and the havoc this will play on their polar habitat. Of course there is much debate around the old ‘Who Dunnit?’ conundrum. Surprisingly, as Doug is first to recognize, an accusatory finger points towards our economists. The assumption that ‘giving people what they want’ in terms of oil and gas, is a quick fix solution to dwindling world resources. If, as Doug believes, Shell, BP and other multinational oil and gas companies have really 20% of their total reserves to hand we’ve got a bit of a problem in terms of shares, demand and of course the end of the resources themselves. As Doug succinctly phrases it, “America’s about to get fucked” and there’s little one can do about it. Indeed June’s edition of the Economist pointed out that ‘Dramatic warming may exact a terrible price in terms of human welfare’ as curtailing emissions and reducing the availability of oil and gas can and will only dent economic growth, purportedly ‘a terrible humanitarian price’. But it’s not all
bad. Meteorologists have (for once) found light at the end of the tunnel. Despite annual September ice levels proving consistently low, the last two months have improved upon the decline anticipated by meteorologists, a steady spread of ice becoming apparent across the Arctic Circle. Undoubtedly challenging all our British softy sensibilities, the return of biting winds and impenetrable blizzards must and should be considered both reassuring and encouraging for the future of the frozen north. But do we expect a continuation of this good news climate change malarkey? Simply put, no. Scientists have their predictions pinned on a 2C rise in global temperatures, a rise almost fully induced by human activity alone. Computer models too are bearing bitter news. The ‘twenty odd feet’ of Arctic ice to which Doug alluded in his talk, is alarmingly predicted to dissolve entirely by 2060, an estimation that might well be advanced according to extensive ice loss monitoring. Yes, of course we’d be mad to feign ignorance of this polar decline. We’re all vaguely aware of the facts and statistics but, steadfast up in Newcastle, oblivion is the easy way out. I can only hand it to Doug and other such intrepid cameramen for exposing, often by truly poignant means, the extraordinary beauty of the Polar Regions and subsequent necessity to keep them intact for as long as we can.
Dolphins are one of the most intelligent animals Although claimed to be smarter than humans in Douglas Adam’s Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy, dolphins are more like domesticated dogs than the genius society had previously assigned to them. Commonly perceived as unusually self-aware dolphins were thought to have a language and were second only to humans in intelligence. This is a myth that has been debunked by studies that have shown that dolphins are not unique in the animal world and they certainly aren’t the cleverest. Dolphins do have signature whistles that they use to identify each other as individuals, but their ability to communicate is unexceptional when compared to squirrels, which have an incredibly semantic-rich signalling system. Captive dolphins have been taught to understand symbols, however, they are unable to reproduce them in the same way as chimpanzees. This is not to say that dolphins are not intelligent, they are very efficient pack hunters, however, when using human measurements they are not as clever as we once thought.
You only use 10 percent of your brain
The human brain is already capable of great feats: composing operas, writing great works of literature, and solving complex mathematical problems. If there is another 90% yet to be accessed, think of what could be achieved if Vivaldi’s ‘Four Seasons’ was only the tip of the iceberg. Supposedly started by psychics to explain their unnatural abilities and idealised in films like Limitless, in which a man simply takes a drug that unlocks his brain to become a genius, it is no wonder that this myth has continued to be perpetuated. You may not be using 100% of your brain at this moment, but over a day you probably will. We do only use a small part for higher functions such as thinking and emotion, however, the rest of our brain is not useless. It is involved in the coordinating of all other functions such as movement, speech and sight. This isn’t to say that if the brain was damaged you wouldn’t be able to carry out these activities as there is some ability to compensate, and maybe this is what the psychics are tapping into.
The Courier
35.puzzles
Monday 11 November 2013
Puzzles Reckon you’re a regular Benjamin Quizraeli? Hand in your answers at The Courier office to have a chance of winning drinks at MensBar
Crossword 1
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Puzzles Editors: Tom Nicholson and Sam Summers
Win a MensBar voucher
Supermarket Sweep
“Howdy-do mates, I’m having a big old party for all of my mates - Anton du Bek will be there, and he gets through vol-au-vents like nobody’s business. Anyway, guess how much my basket’s worth and the closest will win some MensBar vouchers.” - Brioche loaf (400g) - Heinz tomato ketchup (1.35kg) - Corned beef (150g) - KP honey roast nuts (180g) - Roast chicken dinner in a giant Yorkshire pudding (360g)
Sudoku
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Across
1 Crustacean which is chief ingredient of scampi (11) 7 Teletubby (2) 8 Truth potion in Harry Potter (11) 9 Recent Katy Perry single; noise of a lion (4) 10 Granite city in Scotland; variety of Angus (8) 12 Function on most computer programmes for sorting out errors; untie (4) 13 Rice-based Indian dish (7) 16 The people’s princess, not a fan of land mines (5) 18 Childish; immature (9) 19 Name of Michael Jackson’s fairytale ranch (9) 20 Month in which VE Day falls (3)
The first person to bring the completed puzzles to The Courier office in the Students’ Union will be awarded the prize and the respect of their peers, which let’s be honest is priceless
20
Down
1 One who hails from the same great city as Cilla Black, Sir Macca and Tony Hibbert (12) 2 Area of northern France (8) 3 Rocker bus driver in The Simpsons (4) 4 Electronic instrument played without actually being touched (8) 5 German word for ‘new’; krautrock band (3) 6 To investigate something in an extremely thorough manner, possibly with recourse to CSI (12) 11 Fashion label Super___ (3) 14 Type of post-pub snack consisting of meat hacked away from a slowly rotating wedge by electric sword and stuck in pitta bread (5) 15 Italian town with wonky erection (4) 16 1995 Western, The Quick and the ____ (4) 17 Noise made when clearing one’s throat (4)
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Oh, Smiggsy!
36.sportfeatures
Monday 11 November 2013
The Courier
The Broadcasting Battle
This week, The Courier casts a critical eye over the different broadcasters’ contrasting approaches to Premier League football punditry
Monday Night Football Jonathan Goldsmith There are not too many pundits that I enjoy listening too. I am not particularly fond of the BBC team, and ITV, well I would rather mute the half-time show than listen to their analysis. But I enjoy the Sky Sports team, and especially Monday Night Football (MNF). In 2010, it returned after a three-year absence from Sky Sports and was presented on ESPN. Richard Keys and Andy Gray originally were the presenters, after their sacking from Sky Sports in January 2011. The following season 2011/12 it was
presented by Ed Chamberlain and Gary Neville. Beginning at 7PM, the first thirty minutes would be analysis on the talking points of the weekend’s football action, and from 7:30 it would be analysis concerning the teams playing each other that night. A lot of people who are not Manchester United fans (including myself) would argue that Neville was not the best of right-backs but as a pundit he is by far the best I have listened to. He is often, very thorough about how he analyses the game: the players, body
movement, and even at one point did a full fifteen-minute analysis on diving (something he was very good at!), where he argues diving is not something that is illegal and all forwards do it when in the box as they obviously are going to go for the penalty. Unlike a lot of pundits in football, he is not biased. Those such as Alan Hansen on Match of the Day are very biased towards Liverpool as is Gillette Soccer Saturday pundit Phil Thompson. Despite Neville’s Manchester United roots, he has no problem with criticising the players from the club he played for his entire career. However, the analysis relied purely on Neville and there was no one to perhaps disagree with his views and tell him why. Following retirement from his playing career at the end of the 2012/13 season, former Liverpool defender Jamie Carragher joined the punditry team of MNF. This made things a lot more interesting as there were now varied opinions on certain subjects. For instance, they were once tweeted a
Gary Neville and Ed Chamberlain hosting MNF Photography: Youtube
three due to them being all different kinds of midfielders. However, he felt that Paul Scholes was the best player he had ever played with. From around
You can guarantee that the NevilleCarragher combination will make the programme worth watching The studio set up for MNF Photography: Youtube
BT Sport
As the new gun in town, BT Sport has booted the saloon doors open, tipped up its Stetson, and spat its chewing tobacco on the floor in front of Sky Sports. Seeing that Sky have ploughed money into Ed Chamberlain’s Massive TV For Massive Analysis – and possibly having noticed the lead-riddled corpses of Setanta, ITV Sport and ESPN stacked in one corner of the bar – BT have raised the stakes and invested in a 5-a-sidesized pitch with modifiable line markings. Nobody has ever seen it used, but reliable sources tell me that as well as being able to show football fans exactly what a football pitch would look like if it were slightly smaller, sited indoors and painted blue. This revolutionary piece of kit can also give the viewer an idea of what a tiny rugby pitch looks like, or at least what it would have looked like if Tron had been based on the 6 Nations. Not only that, but it can do a tennis court too. Somewhere down the line, it might even be able to reproduce a miniature Nurburgring around which Jake Humphreys can furiously pedal a tricycle painted in Red Bull colours. One can dream. It’s not all about the tech, though. The bread and butter of any sports programme is the interplay between the
question by one of the fans asking, out of Lampard, Gerrard and Scholes, who is the best in order? Gary would explain that he does not really think it is right to compare the
2004 – 2011, Paul had been playing in more of a holding midfield role and was the ‘glue’ in the team that would keep everyone working together and produce positive results.
Jamie, being a former Liverpool player, would argue that Steven Gerrard is the best out of the three, followed by Lampard and then Scholes. Gerrard has certainly always been a player who, when he plays, Liverpool play much better football and win more games. MNF is certainly entertaining to watch. One incident that comes to mind is Jamie saying that nobody wants to be a right back - failed centre backs are converted to right backs (just to wind Gary up!). Even if the match on that evening is dull, you can guarantee that the Neville and Carragher’s combination will make the programme worth watching.
Tom Nicholson
pundits, and this is one area in which BT Sport is terminally lacking. While the rugby panel of Laurence Dallaglio, Austin Healey, Ben Kay and Matt Dawson should come with an onscreen symbol advising viewers ‘WARNING – LOW-FLYING BANTER’, the footballing triumvirate of Steve McManaman, Owen Hargreaves and David James couldn’t organise a laugh-up in a nitrous oxide factory. It scarcely needs saying that Michael Owen is tremendously dull, but he does deserve due recognition for the very special kind of boredom which he inspires. Owen’s brand of tedium is so utterly beige that it seeps into your bones without your notice. Watch too much of him and his analytical style will bleed
Live studio audience set up for BT Sport Photography: Youtube
or will be “disappointed with that”. On top of that former referee Mark Halsey is on hand for discussion of contentious
The footballing triumvirate of Steve McManaman, Owen Hargreaves and David James couldn’t organise a laugh-up in a nitrous oxide factory into your everyday speech. You’ll start simply stating what your flatmates have just done and then passing judgement on whether they’ve “done well there”
decisions, which always start and end with Halsey yelping, “Yep, he’s got that spot on for me” with an urgency which suggests he’s just had his head yanked
out of a bucket of ice-cold water, and knows he’ll soon be going back in for another dunk. The only saving grace is the presence of the ever-wonderful David Ginola, whose combo of lovely French hair and aggressive arm gestures toward Humphreys, mark him out as a king amongst plebs. That said, the specialists BT do have are pretty brilliant – James ‘Football Italia’ Richardson covers continental football with the kind of arched-eyebrow panache and bonhomie which seems to have been missing from TV football analysis since Jimmy Hill finally hung up his chin. Even better, the irrepressible Danny Baker has his own show
too. His garrulous, anarchic spirit is the essence of what BT are aiming for. That said, Baker did claim on the BBC’s World Cup coverage in 2010 that France would get to the quarters, Spain would go out in the first round and England would be beaten finalists - so clearly there’s a fine line between anarchy and delirium. The top-notch support team continues with Helen Skelton and the people’s princess Clare Balding. Behind the front line football pundits, there’s a lot to like about BT Sport. Yes, they do also employ Tim Lovejoy, but it’s a relief to know that, even if he’s on telly, he is at least nowhere near you.
The Courier
intramuralsport.37
Monday 11 November 2013
Match of the Day In this battle for the TV viewing of the millions of avid football fans in the UK, the BBC is probably most like the experienced pro - always been around in the game, the dominant force for a long time, but now faced with many new rivals for its crown. Since its first televised football coverage way back in 1937, the BBC has always been a stalwart on the UK’s football coverage, dominating the airwaves and nailing down such shows as Final Score and Match of the Day as mustwatch Saturday viewing for all football fans. Shows in addition to these two, like Football Focus and the Football League Show, all shown on BBC1, reflects a comprehensiveness for its football coverage. Its headline show, however, for football coverage would obviously be Match of the Day, classic Saturday night viewing in many a household up and down the country. Spearheaded by Leicester’s answer to Philip Schofield, Gary Lineker proves he does something other than
Liam Turnbull -Brown
The BBC sport logo Photography: Youtube
sell crisps, as he acts as the glue to hold the often bickering pundits together, as well as providing a cheeky and youthful dynamism to the show. The question of pundits is always a contentious issue, with many Match of the Day fans strongly having their own preferred line-ups. For this author however, there can be little else other than the two Alans – Newcastle’s own Alan Shearer and mumbling Scotsman Alan Hansen. The contrasts between the two (young and old, striker and defender) provides the show with a much-needed balance of opinions in terms of analysis. Add this to Lineker’s charismatic presenting, the banter between the trio often flows readily. However, I am willing to accept that the omission of Mark Lawrenson will be a controversial one. Despite many years of loyal and faithful service to the BBC, one might argue that he is perhaps past his best. The less said about his dodgy beard the better as well. However, from the highs of Alan
and Alan, the range of pundits available to the BBC can often vary greatly, with large contrasts between the two extremes. Whilst they deserve credit for regularly mixing it up by bringing in new pundits, with Danny Murphy and Harry Redknapp being notable examples, this strategy can often backfire dramatically. One candidate of this would be Dion Dublin, found many a time in the studios to be lacking that certain sharpness that brought him so many goals during his career. Another guilty candidate can be found in Robbie Savage, who offers little (apart from being a source of amusement for the other pundits) and distracts from the show with his questionable taste in fashion. One thing I am enjoying of the BBC’s football coverage this season is their embracement of social media, slowly dragging themselves into the 21st century, and adding an element of inclusion into the show. For keen tweeters on football matters like myself, the idea that my voice is heard through opinion
polls and broadcast live during the show arguably creates way too much excitement. This was best typified by Match of the Day 2, who put October’s Goal of the Month to a vote on Twitter rather than let one of their pundits decide, and save them the embarrassment of getting it woefully wrong. Despite its many shortcomings, for me, the BBC still wears the crown for football coverage, even though it faces more competition than it ever has done before. Solid rivals can be found in Sky Sports and ITV, who offer great alter-
natives to the BBC, such as Champions League, Soccer Saturday and Monday Night Football. And who knows, maybe one day even BT Sport will be up there in contention. However, my call is that the BBC will always be a major player in the game, quite simply due to its accessibility and extensive coverage. Nothing quite compares to getting the lads round on a Saturday night and having some quality banter with a few beers, whilst watching Match of the Day. To Gary et al, I salute you.
The resulting free-kick was whipped in at pace, and whilst Hendo striker Liam McAllister was able to find space in the box, he couldn’t keep his header down. As the first half pressed on, the game became increasingly open with both sides finding space in midfield to create chances. The pace of the Medics attack was an ever-present danger for the Hendo defence to deal with, being exemplified by the swift counter-attacking football Medics were playing on the break through striker Matthew Anderson. However, there was never an end product, with the crucial finish often found just lacking. The second half kicked off evenly. Although Medics had enjoyed the majority of the possession and created more chances, Hendo were by no means out of the contest. However, there was little change in the pattern of play as Medics started the second half as they had finished the first, clearly not wanting to lose their momentum. The first chance of the second half fell to Jones, as he headed a cross over from James O’Hara, followed up by a shot by Dave Edwards two minutes later, as he saw a curling effort from twenty yards out float just over the bar. Dan Jones continued to be a thorn in the side of the Hendo defence, finding small pockets of space in front of the Hendo defence and utilising them well to create chances. He showed a beautiful turn of skill as he found the ball on the left before cheekily nutmegging the
Hendo centre-back on the edge of the penalty area, cutting inside past another defender. However, he was unable to follow this up as his tame shot was easily saved by Pudner in goal. Due to an uncreative frontline, Hendo manager Toby Carr brought Aled Hopkins on after seventy minutes to bring some zip up front. This substitution made an immediate impact, as Hopkins was involved in the play immediately, running onto a ball over the top from his midfield. Fretwell made a brilliant last-ditch tackle and despite desperate appeals for a penalty from Hendo, the referee waved them away. After such long periods of extensive Medics pressure, it was perhaps inevita-
ble that they were going to take the lead at some point. However, the source of this goal was definitely not to be expected. With less than twenty minutes to go, Medics pressure forced another corner. It was whipped in at pace towards the near post, where it was flicked on, with centre-back Jonny Emms getting the decisive touch to easily nod the ball in from a few yards out. The Medics were noticeably relieved in their celebrations after getting the goal their play had merited. They made their lead more secure two minutes later, as striker Matthew Anderson ran clear of the Hendo defence and coolly slotted the ball past the onrushing Hendo goal into the bottom corner. It was little more than his per-
formance deserved, having been toiling away up front for a lot of the game without getting any breaks in front of goal. From then on, the final fifteen minutes consisted of the Medics looking to close the game out. They almost had a third goal, as substitute Jack Ellis tapped in after a good move, however, it was disallowed for a foul in the build-up. Overall, Medics manager Matt Anderson will be pleased with his team’s effort, as they performed well across the park, creating numerous chances up front as well as limiting their opponents to only a handful of real opportunities. This win helps to continue their good early form in the league, and bodes well for them for the rest of the season. Man of the Match: Matt Anderson
On a cold Wednesday afternoon, SubStandard Liege geared up for a gigantic game to propel themselves towards the top of the table against a formidable Politic Thistle side. Sub-Standard lived up to their name as many of their regular players were out injured or away on international duty. Centre back pair Liam Greavey and Jack Price who usually are solid as a rock were both out injured and left back Richard Hunt was away on international duty in Qatar. Captain Mike Parkin-
son managed to pull together an above standard side to take on the Politic side who beat Sub-Standard in the cup last year. Keeper, Ted Mathers, had an absolutely outstanding game in net, reminiscent of David Seamen in the 2003 FA cup semi-final against Sheffield United, stopping everything that came his way with cat-like reflexes whilst organising the defence with the passion and command of a 20th century German dictator.
Hendo not a patch on Medics
Division One Medics 1sts
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Henderson Hall
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By Luke Blakely and Liam Turnbull-Brown in Longbenton The match was always going to be tough going for Hendo (currently winless in the Wednesday league) facing one of the league’s early leaders in the Medics, who have made a great start to the season and eager to reclaim the title which they bitterly lost to their second team last season. This desire was clear as this game kicked off with the Medics starting the game with a greater hunger than their opponents, forcing early pressure on the Hendo goal, and showing their attacking intent as they looked to get the ball forward. A lot of this flowed through Medics striker Dan Jones, who looked extremely lively, finding some great positions and going close early on with two efforts on goal. Hendo were struggling to get into the game due to strong Medic pressure. Their first real chance came twenty minutes in with a bright run by Hendo winger Will Offer down the right to draw a foul from the Medic defender.
Medics’ Matty Anderson attacks a ball into the box Photography: Luke Blakely
Liege leave a point for Poli Division Three
Sub-Standard Liege
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By Jack Price in Longbenton
However, this came to an abrupt end with a powerful strike from inside the box from Politic Thistle just before half time. The half-time team talk from captain Mike Parkinson was emotionally charged, to the point, and beyond inspirational. Fuelled by this compelling speech the Sub-Standard players dusted themselves off and stepped onto the pitch for what proved to be one of the most memorable halves of football seen in
the third division Intra-Mural Wednesday League. Crisp passing, confidence and unmarkable movement was behind the Sub-Standard comeback. After a period of intense build up play, one touch passes and majestic dribbling, Sub-Standard managed to manipulate the Politic defence and create a chance that was taken and rewarded them with a hard earned point. Man of the Match: Ted Mathers
38.sportbucs
Monday 11 November 2013
The Courier
Doubles’ downfall for shuttlecockers Men’s Badminton Newcastle 1sts
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Liverpool 1sts
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By Huezin Lim at The Sports Centre The boys from Liverpool had travelled a long way and with only themselves for support and guidance, it was going to be a challenging affair. From Newcastle, Josh Yeung played Singles 1 and Tim Morris for Singles 2. Doubles 1 fielded Adam Lodge and Jack Dye and Desmond Lau paired with Ruen Chee in Doubles 2. There are eight contests in one match, four for the singles players and four for the doubles, a majority of victories would result in a victory for the team overall. The day started with Josh playing Liverpool Singles 2 player, Yiu Yang. There were clear signs of nerves from the Liverpool player as a string of unforced errors and precise shot making from Josh led to a 13 - 7 early lead. The match was over in a heartbeat as Josh began to make full use of the drop volley to tire his opponent out as well as Yiu Yang being unable to fully find his rhythm and get into the game. The first game ended
21- 9, 21 - 8. A comfortable first victory for Josh and that trend continued throughout the match. Tim Morris took on Siawen Chen, Liverpool Singles 1 player and was dominating play. Service faults and over hit clears plagued the Liverpool player and Tim took full advantage with calm and clinical finishing. He took every smash he could and utilised the net volley to the fullest. The match was taken by Tim in decisive fashion, 21 - 7 and 21 - 3. While Singles 1 were playing, the Doubles 1 pair began against Liverpool’s Doubles 2, Matt and Ste. With Newcastle taking the first set 21 - 9 and two singles matches in the bag, it seemed like Newcastle would have taken this match comfortably after all. However, it was not to be. The partnership of the Liverpool pair were formidable with extremely hard-hitting and relentless power play. As soon as they found their groove, they came back roaring against Doubles 1 and took the match 21 - 9 10 - 21 and 10 - 21. One of the most exciting matches of the afternoon was soon to come between Liverpool Doubles 1 pair, Jon Savory and Harry Liver and Newcastle pair, Desmond and Ruen. All the way from the start, it was an extremely competitive and tight affair. Every point was crucial, it seemed, and the Newcastle pair initially led 11 - 8. The defence of the Newcastle 2 pair was outstanding in that first game, defending smash after smash with delicate
drop volleys and directional changes. Two service errors from both pairs finally brought the game to 19 - 19 and Newcastle took the first game with a well-placed smash by Ruen Chee. Having to play catch-up throughout the second game, the mental fortitude of the Liverpool pair could be seen as they fought off the Newcastle pair’s attempts at going on a streak of points, taking the game 16 - 21. The final game came, and as you would expect, every point was played with a heightened intensity and pace. At the change-around, Newcastle trailed 8 - 11 but, unfortunately, the boys from Newcastle were unable to mount a significant comeback, losing the final game by a heartbreaking scoreline of 22 - 24. The most enthralling matches of the day were undeniably the doubles matches from a neutral point of view. Each match required the full three games indicating the high level of competition between both universities. As Joshua and Tim took the final singles matches, bringing Newcastle up 4 - 2 overall, all eyes were on both doubles pairs as one win would seal the overall victory. After the long and arduous affair against Jon and Harry, Desmond and Ruen put up another tight contest, losing the final game 19 - 21. It was all up to the final match between the two Doubles 1 pairs. Newcastle took the first game 21 - 11, capitalising on the Liverpool pair’s fatigue and taking advantage of their errors. However, the
pair came fighting back soon after and won the next game, 15 - 21. In the final game, riding the momentum of the second game, Liverpool took it 11 - 7
Royals in front with a 1-0 lead. Two further goals were thundered home by Richards in quick succession, giving NUWFC a three goal cushion to take into the second half. The second half started off slowly. Sheffield tried to trouble NUWFC with a few snippets of dangerous attacking play but these were dealt with expertly by Katie Mcbrinn and the rest of the defensive team. The Royals then regained their form and started piling the pressure once again onto the tiring Sheffield team. Club president, Katie Fisher, held the fort well in the centre of the park and ensured the ball was switched across from side-to-side. Wilding then whipped in an absolute
Women’s Netball
headed into dangerous territory- the black hole that is Sports Central. They had an initial burst of energy which left Northumbria questioning themselves and sped into the lead by 7 by the end of the 1st quarter. As seems to be the tale every week with the 2nds, the 2nd quarter proved too hard to keep the pace up in and
and Newcastle did manage to catch up 16 - 14, but it was not meant to be for Newcastle doubles, as they lost the final game 21 - 16.
Team Newcastle on the way to winning another singles match Photography: Huezin Lim
Royals run NUNC 1st’s edged riot in cup out by Manchester Women’s Football Newcastle 1sts
7
Sheffield 2nds
1
By Claudia Wilson at Cochrane Park The cold conditions on Wednesday did not chill the spirits of Newcastle University’s Women’s Football first team as they embarked on their Cup campaign with an impressive 7-1 win over Sheffield second team.
Club president, Katie Fisher, held the fort well in the centre of the park, ensuring the home side monopolised the ball throughout After a disappointing defeat at the hands of Leeds last week, the firsts were eager to prove their worth against Sheffield. They started the game with all guns blazing - perfect passes were bouncing between players with power and precision, leaving the visitors bamboozled by their textbook play. Brittany Wilding and Lucy Crann had a few early attempts on goal before Esme Richards unleashed a sizzling shot which screeched past the outstretched arms of Sheffield’s keeper, putting the
corker of a goal and soon after Helen Knott scored, taking the lead to 5-0. In the final part of the game, NUWFC capitalised on the tiredness of the Sheffield defence and Wilding scored again. A cheeky counter-attack from Sheffield caught NUWFC off-guard and the Sheffield striker scored a nice chip, leaving the score at 6-1. However, first team captain, Lucy Crann, hammered home the final blow, leaving the Royals with a 7-1 victory to secure their place in the next round of the competition.
By Sassa Hamilton in Manchester NUNC 1sts 42-48 Manchester 1sts When Manchester Met walked into the Sports Centre, some wondered where they had been bred. Dwarfing over our own 6’1 Mia Archer and 6’ Helen Jones, nearly every member of Manchester’s team had a height advantage on their respective player. This didn’t hold the girls back, and they challenged the undefeated ‘beasts’ from the word go. Goal was matched by goal, with not much left to choose between the two teams. Just before half-time an unfortunate incident involving a dislocated little finger and our GA and captain Hannah Swainson, meant that she was off to A&E and Louisa Sorensen was thrown into the mix. The girls stepped it up in the face of adversity, and by half-time it was still 23 all. Some great play was seen down court and although Manchester were making life difficult getting into the circle, the girls were working it in with patience. Just before the 3rd quarter Manchester had a successive spell of turnovers and conversions, and pushed into the lead by 5. This proved too much to get back and eventually Newcastle succumbed to them with a final score of 48-42. NUNC 2nds 39-39 Northumbria 2nds Psyched and ready to treat Northumbria to a Stan Calvert style win, the 2nds
got. A strong defensive unit of Lucy Greenwood and Abi Dodwell shook them up from the start, making interceptions all over the place. Player of the match Grace ‘Gilly’ Brumhill took a lot of beef down the court throughout the game, but held it together to feed some lovely balls into the circle.
Player of the match Gilly Brumhill took a lot of beef down the court throughout the game Northumbria, with the help of a sweet eye from their GS, had, by half-time, took the lead by 1. A pep talk and the arrival of some support gave the 2nds some inspiration and they had several phases of exceptional play, keeping Northumbria on their toes. The final quarter proved to be make or break, and with interceptions from Sadie Neve and player of the match, Lauren Barnett, Newcastle snuck ahead. With 10 seconds to go, the 2nds were 1 goal up, but a foul in the final seconds gave Northumbria a free shot after the whistle had gone. The dreaded GS continued her streak, slotting the goal in leaving the Newcastle girls distraught with a draw at 39 all, a game which they had truly deserved to win. NUNC 3rds 38-31 Manchester Met 1sts It was Cup week for the 3rds and 4ths. Manchester Met are in League 2A, the league above the 3rds. A feisty Manchester team came to see them at home, and weren’t quite expecting what they
The final quarter was all Newcastle with some outstanding shooting from Olivia Gordon, but Manchester had put up too many goals in the first 3 quarters and went home with a 38-31 win. NUNC 4ths 64-16 Leeds Met 2nds NUNC 4ths had an even larger challenge ahead of them, facing a team two leagues above them. The girls went in fighting, and came out with heads held high. A final score of 64-16 wasn’t reflective of the strong effort the girls put in when it came to feeding the circle and working the ball down court. NUNC defenders threw everything they had at Leeds Met, despite facing the disheartening power of shooters who can get their shots in from anywhere. Each quarter was a stronger and stronger performance from the 4ths, and although a loss, many learning opportunities and achieved personal targets came from it - the girls should be proud of the willpower shown throughout the match.
The Courier
sportbucs.39
Monday 11 November 2013
Manchester sent packing
Men’s Rugby
Newcastle 2nds
20
Manchester 1sts
17
By Jonty Mawer at Cochrane Park Only in the face of real adversity, do we see what we are fully capable of, and in the case of the valiant Newcastle 2nd XV rugby team - they saw it and certainly conquered it. This particular adversity took shape in the form of the University of Manchester 1st XV during a Cup fixture that took place on Wednesday at Cochrane Park. On a desperately cold day in Heaton, Newcastle were able to edge out their opponents to win in dramatic style and retain their cup form. Similar to most of the fixtures this season, the game started at a furious pace with intense defensive pressure coming from Newcastle from the get go. Possession seemed to switch back and forth between the two teams with neither gaining any real momentum. Signs were positive for a genuinely competitive game. The first scrum saw both teams provide an ample shove with Newcastle just edging out the visitors due to restless work by the Scrum Half Mark Norris managing to win the home side a penalty. Newcastle had started well against supposedly stronger opposition and showed eagerness to maintain their impetus going forward. Unfortunately, however, their enthusiasm at the breakdown resulted in a penalty being awarded to Manchester,
providing a simple shot at goal for their Fly Half who slotted the kick with ease. From there on in, Newcastle struggled to get their hands on the ball and relied on their doggedness in defence to keep their hopes alive. Late on in the first half, however, off a penalty kick to touch, Newcastle managed to string some phases together culminating in a score by Blindside Flanker Adam Webber in the corner.
Disastrously, however, it was Manchester, not Newcastle, who started the stronger. After a break from the opposition hooker and an arrogant “Sonny-Bill Williams-esque” offload, they managed to run in under the sticks to give them a seven point buffer at the start of the half. It seemed as if they had the game won; Newcastle looked admittedly beaten in open play with handling errors and infringements at the ruck becoming rife.
Newcastle had claimed a sizeable scalp. The character shown after a torrid first half display to come back and eventually win the game was sensational Considering this was the first time in a while that they had maintained any sort of meaningful possession, the try exhibited their clinical ability with ball in hand and showed good promise for the rest of the game. Even with the regrettable missed conversion, Newcastle had managed to pull out a 2 point lead in the shadows of the first half and seemed revitalized after the kick off with increased levels of intensity. Though somewhat inopportunely, Manchester, just before the break, managed themselves to run over for a critical converted score placing the initiative firmly back with them at the beginning of the second half. If Newcastle stood any chance of winning, keeping in mind their lack of possession during the majority of the first half, they needed to score first after the break and even the game.
However, as the game entered into its final chapter, Newcastle started to show signs of hitherto unseen resilience. They seemed to attack the game with renewed energy and focus, spurred on by the fear of losing. Finally, a try by number 8 Tom Gulland gave them a chance at redemption. With the kick converted, Newcastle were within a converted try of levelling the match. The momentum was with the home side. They seemed to be stringing phases of play together with an ease they had not shown throughout the match. A score was seemed almost inevitable, and so it was. The try in the corner brought the two teams level at 17-17. This game was unquestionably going to go down to the wire. Manchester were by no means lying down - they continued to attack the Newcastle backline and keep the pressure on the home side. They managed
to win a penalty in the Newcastle 22 and chose to kick, giving them a 3 point lead as they entered into the dying embers of the game. Newcastle, now on the back foot, were not ready to accept defeat and took play down into the Manchester 22. Then came the pivotal point in the match - a scrum to Manchester, 15 metres from their own line. Newcastle’s scrum seemed in good shape, however they knew there was a mammoth task that faced them in this scrum as it could change their fortunes in the game. As the ball was put in by the Manchester scrum half, there came a monumental shove from the Newcastle Front Row that caused the Manchester pack to fall down into the sodden turf, a penalty
awarded against them. Messieurs Webster, Hearn and Reed may well have just given their team a chance at victory. After a successful kick to touch and a lineout drive, Newcastle’s backs began the task of finding a gap in the Manchester defence. They probed religiously with phase after phase of attack until, finally, there was an opening that was just about big enough for winger Teddy Hewins to go through and run in the winning try. Newcastle had claimed a sizeable scalp. The character shown after a torrid first half display to come back and eventually win the game was sensational and a testament to the hard work of the entire contingent of players. A truly wellearned victory.
Castleden
Hewins Greswold
Pugh Bowenrees
Norris
Gulland
Barnes Gillen (c)
Reed
Battle
Wright Cooke
Hearn
Webster
St Andrew’s put to the sword by unforgiving Uni fencers Men’s Fencing Newcastle 1sts St Andrew’s 1sts
135 54
By Peter Georgiev at The Sports Centre It seemed like the Newcastle Blades didn’t sweat a drop while achieving a brilliant 135:54 (45:24, 45:19, 45:11) victory against helpless St. Andrew’s. Effective, even brutal, the hosts were
completely overwhelmed their opponents. Both teams took their sabres to open the first round. St. Andrew’s ran out of happy memories from this match two minutes after it started. The guests took a 0:2 advantage in the first two rallies, but from then on, Newcastle stayed in front throughout the whole game. Sam Ridley, Daniel Remedios and Daniel Ming looked like the Three Musketeers and they surely didn’t need a fourth one to get the job done. Remedios and Ming pushed the score line to 20:13, followed by an aggressive Ridley who made it 25:16. He also claimed a 5:0 win in his last fight to end the sabre battle at 45:24. A change of the weapons didn’t do
It would be easy to mistake Newcastle’s Daniel Remedios for Harry Potter, after seeing the way he handled the foil asking all the questions on Wednesday afternoon. Showing exceptional performance, they won 16 out of a total 19 fights and
much good to the guests, who were losing 5:0 after only a minute has passed in the second round. With epees in their hands, the Blades
were feeling quite comfortable, as they totally destroyed St. Andrew’s defence. Soon it was already 20:11, and sadly the visiting side won just eight more rallies in this part – 4:19. Daniel Remedios could be mistaken for Harry Potter after seeing the way he
handles the foil. Not many people in the house were betting on St. Andrew’s to pose any threat to Newcastle while Remedios was waving his magic wand. He and his teammates gave a textbook demonstration of teamwork, which re-
sulted in a classy 25:5 edge. In the blink of an eye it was mission accomplished for The Blades, who closed the last round at 45:11 and rounded up the total score to 135:54.
Daniel Remedios in action for Newcastle Photography: Peter Georgiev
Sport
www.thecourieronline.co.uk Monday 11 November 2013 Issue 1279 Free
thecourieronline.co.uk/sport
Sports Editors: Nick Gabriel, Freddie Caldwell and Fran Fitzsimmons courier.sport@ncl.ac.uk | @Courier_Sport
SEVENTH HEAVEN FOR ROYALS IN CUP p.38
WIN FOR RUGBY 2’S Manchester beaten in trophy triumph p.39
Newcastle’s Brittany Wilding enters into a 50/50 challenge with a Sheffield player Photography: Emma Ladlow
Teesside test for karters Go-Karting
By Freddie Caldwell at Teeside Autodrome The sun had not yet risen when the motley crew that comprises the Newcastle University karting team assembled outside the Stephenson Building, ready for their annual pilgrimage to the colosseum of motorsport that is Teesside Autodrome. The purpose of this yearly journey is to attempt to qualify for the main championship of the BUKC, which, for the uninitiated, stands for British University Karting Championship. As the team crossed the Tyne Bridge in a purple Fiat Panda and orange Ford Fiesta they may not have looked like hardened motorsport enthusiasts, but the few who witnessed the events of the next 10 hours would have reason to doubt that title. Teesside Autodrome is situated in the middle of one of Middlesbrough’s ubiquitous industrial estates where the scene of factory chimneys and corrugated iron provides an atmospheric backdrop for motorsport. If the surroundings weren’t intimidating enough, the track was made more daunting by the rain that had fallen overnight which would make keeping a go-kart on the tarmac a tricky proposition. The day began with a two-hour test session where the slippery conditions meant that a lot of karts spent time on the grass or in the tyre walls. However, it did provide some valuable experience for the Newcastle team, six of whom had never raced in the championship before. Testing finished as the track began to dry out meaning that, as racing began,
the fastest line was constantly changing, which led to some interesting contests around the track. Team Newcastle were split into an A and a B team, each comprising of four drivers. Team A was made up of Dan Chalk and Freddie Caldwell, the only drivers with previous BUKC experience, and they were joined by British Schools Karting champion Alex Jobson and fellow BUKC rookie Rob Langthorp. In the B team were Ben Fisher, Tom MacKenzie, Toby Warren and George Parfitt, all of whom were new to university level karting. Given that this inexperienced squad would be going up against teams with much larger amounts of funding, and with professional racing drivers on board, expectations were low for Newcastle. The aim was simply to try and at least qualify one squad for the championship which left the focus very much on the A team. Newcastle’s captain Dan Chalk was the first to take to the track and he enjoyed a promising start after climbing from a starting position of 22nd to 18th after a couple of laps. The fight for positions was intense at this early point in the race and, unfortunately, Dan was involved in
an incident on lap seven that resulted in him dropping to 31st place. However, he was able to salvage something by fighting his way back to 25th position, and with the top 26 teams qualifying, this was not a bad start to the day for Newcastle. It was a similar story for Freddie Caldwell in race two, who was also able to make up ground from a grid position of 27th; by lap 17 he had reached the heady heights of 13th place. Unlucky for some, and so it proved as a spin demoted him back to 27th resulting in an identical finishing position to where he started. Rob Langthorp contested race three from a lowly starting position of 31st and again made progress before an altercation with an aggressive front-runner lost him several places. Despite this, Rob finished in 24th place, making a net gain of seven positions over the race. By this point, it had become apparent that it was vital for the Newcastle team to stay out of trouble if they were to achieve a significant finishing position, and with that in mind, Alex Jobson took to the track with Newcastle finally getting a good grid slot of 6th place. De-
Action on the Teeside pit straight Photography: Freddie Caldwell
spite being pushed back during a chaotic start, Alex drove a professional race to work his way back to 9th place which left the team in a good position going into the endurance races. Dan and Alex contested the first of these hour-long races with Dan taking the short beginning and end stints and Alex taking on the physically demanding half-hour middle stint. With the rest of the team helping out during the pit stops, the end result was an impressive 16th place. That left Rob and Freddie to compete in the last race of the day with a solid result needed to secure qualification. Things were made more difficult as the sun went below the Middlesbrough skyline and the circuit was plunged into darkness. Although the Teesside Autodrome does have floodlights, the facilities don’t quite rival those of Singapore or Abu Dhabi, so trying to spot braking points and other karts in the gloom at over 70mph does raise the heartbeat somewhat. Although their lap times weren’t the quickest on circuit, the team’s determination to steer clear of trouble was rewarded with a 24th place finish. The B team had mostly finished between 30th and 35th places during the day so knew they were out of the running in terms of qualification, however, the day provided great experience and entertainment for the new drivers who now have the option to go and race in the rookie championship. The A team, on the other hand, had to wait anxiously in the darkness before finding out that they had qualified for the main championship, sparking jubilant scenes. The squad will now look forward to 2014 when the racing begins in earnest.
THE COVERAGE CONUNDRUM Which football punditry line-up gets our seal of approval? p.36
ANDO UNDOES HENDO Medic 1s extend run of formidable form p.37