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www.thecourieronline.co.uk Monday 4 November 2013 Issue 1278 Free

The Independent Voice of Newcastle Students

WARDROBE WARS Three couples vent their rage at each other’s sartorial choices p.16

WIN FREE FOOD FOR A YEAR p.14

Est 1948

DEFYING GRAVITY p.25

MONUMENTAL MOMENT Supporters gathered in the centre of town to show solidarity with the striking higher education staff Image: James Simpson

Lecturers strike over pay row By James Simpson News Editor Last Thursday saw widespread strike action across Newcastle in a dispute over unfair higher education pay. The strikes were orchestrated by three Unions: Ucu (Universities and Colleges Union), Unison, and Unite. Members of these unions were encouraged to strike for the day leaving lecture theatres across the country empty. Members of the academic and support staff at this university joined with over 140 other universities in the strike action. A demonstration was held outside King’s Gate in the morning with a number of staff and students protesting. Protestors joined together to protest primarily over pay. Lecturers allege that over the last 5 years there has been around 13% real-terms pay cut. The

Union’s subsequently rejected a pay offer of 1%. The reason for the strike action according to a newsletter from Unison is because “offering fair pay, a decent pension scheme, adequate sick pay and holiday entitlement are necessary to reward the hard work and loyalty of the high quality staff that run our universities.” The document also said “Total expenditure on staff has declined over the last 3 years, because salaries have fallen by over 15% over the last 5 years. Yet Universities are predicted to see their income rise over the next 5 years.” It is also alleged by UNISON that “half of Vice-Chancellors now earn more than £242,000” per year. Senior history lecturer Dr. Martin Farr who was on the picket line outside King’s Gate said that the reason for the strike was “really about making a stand

and making our position very clear.” He went on to say that it’s a “last resort to do what we are doing” and that “if we only worked our contracted hours as a matter of course the University simply would not function”. This comes after disputes over the amount of work University staff are being asked to do without any pay increase. “Half of ViceWhen asked how this would Chancellors ect student now earn more aff contact hours he than £242,000 responded: “It wouldn’t affect per year” contact hours in terms of scheduled classes but doing work in evenings and weekends.” “It’s more about generally being around and being citizens in the community of scholars and students,” he added.

A Unison newsletter stated: “We regret the potential disruption to students, but are in close contact with the NUS and many students will be supportive of the action as they face similar challenges of surviving on a low income.” A Newcastle University spokesman said: “Very little disruption has been reported due to strike action by some staff today. A few lectures have been cancelled, but students were informed in advance, and efforts are being made to reschedule.” Luke Neal, a third year History and Politics student who was at the picket at King’s Gate said he was in support of the “strike with lecturers, admin staff, and cleaners because all the things they’re striking for directly affect the education we receive. It’s all about fighting the privatisation of higher education as it reorientates the education away from learning and towards production of

profit and we don’t agree with that.” Another student on the picket line, third year Sociology student Stefan Smith, said he believed that there was “disparity between the increase in surplus money that is at the top of the University isn’t been spread out evenly between the people who do the majority of the work.” He said that one of the reasons he was in support was “not just a strike about pay, just generally problems across all levels of education throughout the country.” The picket line then moved down through Newcastle to Monument where they were met by a larger group of supporters of the union’s actions. As the group were walking down Northumberland Street they were chanting “They say cut back, we say fight back” and “Low pay, no way”. Continued on page 4

News

Monday 4 November 2013

STUDENTS BREW BOWLED OVER

New boutique bowling alley opens in the Toon

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COMMENT REVOLUTION?

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This week’s Yes/No debates the Russell Brand interview

SOAPBOX

Students chat about burning issues of the day

SPORT

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‘Always forgive your enemies; nothing annoys them so much’ - Oscar Wilde

Nightlife

Toon booze ban Pubs and clubs in Newcastle will be charged a late night levy for selling alcohol after midnight. A new scheme will see premises charged between £299 and £4,400 a year to sell alcohol until 06:00. The money raised will be used to tackle alcohol-related crime, safety scheme and street cleaning.

MEN’S BASKETBALL Major 88-50 win against Leeds

Anna Templeton

Impersonator

Stripping off in the name of art

NUSU, King’s Walk, Newcastle upon Tyne, NE1 8QB. Tel: 0191 239 3940

The Courier is a weekly newspaper produced by students, for students. It’s never too late to get involved in the paper, whether you’re a writer, illustrator or photographer. Just visit thecourieronline.co.uk/getinvolved for more information.

Creepy

R Jelly disappoints Unexpected guest up man’s nose expectant fans

Controversial

A student from Central Sain Martin’s in London has shocked audiences with a planned piece of performance art. Grayson Pettet will lose his virginity in front of 100 people in a gallery in Hackney. The performance, entitled ‘Art School Stole My Virginity’, will see 19-yearold Pettet have sex with another boy in front of a live audience. Pettet has the idea when he was 16 “when all my peers were losing their virginity. It was incredibly hard for me to ask why I was still a virgin and why it meant so much to people. My piece isnt a statement as much as it is a question.”

Prof Gharavi makes success list English lecturer Tina Gharavi has been named by the Metro on a list of female film-makers to watch. Gharavi, who was Bafta-nominated for Best British debut for her film I Am Nasrine, about illegal teenage refugees fleeing Iran for England. She is currently in the process of development of two new feature films.

US schools

Fans of R&B singer R Kelly in Louisiana were left furious after they waited until 1am, only to be presented with an impersonator named ‘R Jelly’. Some concert-goers paid up to $150 (£93) for a ticket to see their favourite star perform at ‘The Black Panties Promo Party’. Eyewitnesses, however, quickly noticed that the lip-syncing singer was not the original they expected.

WOMEN’S RUGBY Newcastle win against Nottingham

Lecturer fame

The SU open a new, student-led, brewery in Northumberland

Wise Words:

NEWS

News Editors: Anna Templeton and James Simpson Deputy News Editors: Sabine Kucher courier.news@ncl.ac.uk | @TheCourier_News

e h t

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The Courier

WARNING: arachnophobes, perhaps don’t read this. A man was horrified when a spider lodged itself in his ear, before racing across his face and getting stuck up his nose. Graeme Lougher, 42, felt the creepy creature crawl into his ear when getting ready for work and went to the doctor. His GP pulled the spider out with tweezers but it scurried up Mr. Lougher’s left nostril. Eventually he snorted and blew out the 2.5cm (1in) arachnid into a sink. Mr. Lougher, of Loxwood in West Sussex, said: “I was trying to sniff it into my throat and finally managed to blow it out, landing in the sink. It felt horrific.”

Students sign antitwerking contract

A US school has made students sign a contract forbidding them to twerk, grind or dance sexually at their prom. Annapolis High School in Maryland refused entry to the homecoming dance unless students and parents signed the contract which stated: “no grinding, intimate touching or dancing with your buttocks touching or in the air”.

Alumni

Mr Bean gets CBE Rowan Atkinson has been awarded the prestigious CBE by the Queen for making then nation laugh. Atkinson went to Newcastle University before going to Oxford where he met Richard Curtis - who worked with him on Blackadder and Mr. Bean.

Fast food Transport

Snake on a plane

A snake was found hidden on a plane in a takeaway box during an easyJet flight to Luton. The serpent was, thankfully, a non-poisonous snake and remained in its container. A passenger’s tweet read: “No Samuel L, but an actual snake on a plane. Police about to meet @easyJet arriving from Tel Aviv to Luton.”

Maccys ditch Heinz ketchup McDonalds is ending its longstanding relationship with Heinz, the world’s largest producer of ketchup. After Bernardo Hees, the former head of arch rival Burger King, took over as Heinz’s chief executive, McDonalds have decided to “transition our business to other suppliers over time.” Both parties stress there are no hard feelings.

Editor George Sandeman Deputy Editor Tom Nicholson Web Editor Ben Brown News Editors Anna Templeton and James Simpson Deputy News Editors Sabine Kucher Comment Editors Lydia Carroll and Joe Wood Deputy Comment Editor Victoria Armstrong Culture Editor Sam Summers Lifestyle Editors Evie O’Sullivan, Elizabeth Archer, Hazel Parnell and Katie Smith Fashion Editors Amy O’Rourke and Frances Stephenson Deputy Fashion Editors Rebekah Finney Beauty Editors Amy Macauley and Saﬁya Ahmed Arts Editors Millie Walton and Charlie Dearnley Deputy Arts Editor Laura Wotton Film Editors Muneeb Haﬁz and Jacob Crompton-Schreiber Music Editors Kate Bennett and Ian Mason TV Editor Beth Durant Deputy TV Editor Helen Daly Science Editor Lizzie Hampson Deputy Science Editors Peter Style and Emad Ahmed Sports Editors Nick Gabriel, Freddie Caldwell and Francesca Fitzsimmons Copy Editors Lucy Davis, Emma Broadhouse and Megan Ayres

Images: Flickr Commons

The Courier is printed by: Print and Digital Associates, Fernleigh House, 10 Uttoxeter Road, Derby, Derbyshire, United Kingdom, DE3 0DA. Established in 1948, The Courier is the fully independent student newspaper of the Students’ Union at Newcastle University. The Courier is published weekly during term time, and is free of charge. The design, text, photographs and graphics are copyright of The Courier and its individual contributors. No parts of this newspaper may be reproduced without the prior permission of the Editor. Any views expressed in this newspaper’s opinion pieces are those of the individual writing, and not of The Courier, the Students’ Union or Newcastle University.

The Courier

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Monday 4 November 2013

Pete’s photographic prowess earns berth at top magazine By Tanya Nies Peter Fenech, a third year biology student at Newcastle University has been placed in the top 20 of a national photography competition, as well as publishing his photos in a renowned magazine. Peter spoke to The Courier, saying how he always wanted to be a pilot and “even now, if someone asked me if I wanted to be a pilot I probably would say yes.” He always enjoyed taking photos and

nique and research but also because he personally really loves the picture due to the lighting. “Everything came together. It’s one of those shots when everything seems to work out right.” He even got an article including photos and covers in the latest issue of the Amateur Photographer magazine. Persistency and hard work are the key factors of such achievements, he said, “You just have to keep on trying and get your name out there.” Once Peter is out he’ll wait for hours

“When you’re judging someone’s photograph it definitely comes down to opinion. If you’re entering a competition it’s good to look at previous rounds to see what they’re looking for” started getting into photography during work experience at a family friend’s studio. His picture ‘After The Rain’ placed him 16th in the Amateur Photographer of the Year competition 2013. Peter fought off thousands of competitors to get to the judges round, an improvement from coming in the top 50 a few years ago. Peter said: “When you’re judging someone’s photograph it’s definitely down to opinion. If you’re entering a competition it’s good to look at previous rounds to see what they’re looking for.” He picked his picture based on tech-

if necessary, waiting for the right moment and the right light. Admitting driving his friends up the walls, getting told: “You’ve been waiting for the right light for hours. Just take your photo and move on.” In photography as well as in life he is a perfectionist, confessing that he’ll spend forever gelling his hair because cause he can’t stand it hanging around his face. His very first camera was a plastic toy one, but Peter does admit: “it took really good photos. Better than some disposables now.” By now he does stick to his Canon 7D which gives him higher quality photos and more variables to play with. He does agree that you either go with Canon or Nikon, the main debate of all photographers: “it’s not so much your loyalty to a brand but more a loyalty to your own bank account”. Peter would like to expand to film shoots in the future but said for that he would need a far more expensive camera. Peter mainly photographs landscapes, starting off by going to Thornley Woods and taking pictures. Looking back he doesn’t think the pictures are quite as good as his work though Peter “Hopefully, in now, states: “Hopefully, another ten in another ten years what I years what I got now isn’t so great, got now isn’t so great, I’ll be I’ll be improving all the time.” improving all Studying biology the time” actually mixed in with his passion for photos, due to his appreciation of nature and looking at insects. Peter spoke about his career prospects, saying that he might be able to combine photography and research. His real career aim is to be a writer of photography book which he admits “is even more competitive than photography itself.” Recently, Peter went to Bamburgh Castle early in the morning on a really windy day. “I almost lost myself and my camera equipment to the North Sea several

times, taking quite reckless risks probably to get a photo. But I think it’s the shoots that are more difficult that tend to give you photos you’re more proud of.” Peter spoke about the differences between landscape over street photography, saying how he wasn’t keen on photographing people in general: “I prefer landscapes.” The ‘rule of thirds’ is a vital part of getting away from general snapshots into compositional photos. “It makes a shot look more interesting”, Peter explains but also warns “It’s easy to get tied down by rules. It’s more a suggestion. Guidelines.” He also teaches master classes, as well as working as an event photographer for a small incomes. Peter stressed that his dream location to shoot would be Yosemite National Park, which has “been photographed too death and the challenge would be to find something original.” Closer to home, he likes to travel the coastlines and warns “it’s easy to overlook the things closest to you“. He described himself as an exclamation mark, quite fitting for someone who expresses themselves through a moment of time captured with a camera. And with a good amount of humour, describing himself as “generally happy”. Peter left a helpful hint for beginners: “Look at other people’s work but do what feels right for you, it has to be fun.”

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Monday 4 November 2013

The Courier

Work begins on new student digs By Antonia Velikova Eight Newcastle properties in Claremont place are due to be converted in 89 self-contained studio flats. The project has been taken up by student property company Ziggurat and it has recently gotten the green light for planning and construction. The new accommodation will be within two-minute walking distance from campus. The flats will be equipped with en-suite bathrooms and kitchens, a 24hour working reception, laundrettes, refuse facilities, and a secure bike storage area. The scheme’s estimated cost is £7.5 million. This entire year has proved to be highly successful for Ziggurat. The company has also refinanced and developed a 65flat scheme in Cowgate area, Edinburgh. Their project for the €17m redevelopment of the former Montrose Hotel in Dublin has also been approved recently. “This was an obvious opportunity to deliver a high quality studio scheme into the Newcastle student market place. You could not find a better located scheme in terms of a quality setting right next to Newcastle University and with easy access to the city centre. There are hundreds of purpose-built rooms on the other side of the central motorway, but this is going to be something very unique and special,” commented Jim Pike, co-founder of Ziggurat alongside Matt McAdden.

Contracts have been exchanged between Ziggurat and Newcastle University in April 2012, with which the company has successfully acquired the Claremont Place buildings. During transaction, Ziggurat was represented by Storeys Edward Symmons, while GVA acted for Newcastle University. It is Zuggurat’s priority that the original 19th century look of the building is kept just as it is. A number of internal ornate features will also be incorporated into the scheme plan. The new accommodation will be particularly attractive for postgraduates, yet the studio flats will be available to undergraduates to apply for as well. GAG architects worked on preparing the plans, with Summers Insman acting as an advisor for Ziggurat on construction and financing issues. “This project shows our commitment to improving and increasing the accommodation we can offer to our students,” said professor Tony Stevenson, pro vice chancellor for planning and resources at the university. “It is just one part of a series of investments that the university is planning to make in the coming years to ensure we can offer students the quality of accommodation they want.” Construction of the new student accommodation is scheduled to start in early 2014. Afterwards, Ziggurat will make the studio flats available to students starting their studies in 2015.

BRICK BY BRICK The new student development situated on Claremont Road near the Devonshire building will be ready in 2014 Image: James Simpson

“We have to show solidarity and unity with each other in order to come out at the other end of this dispute with some degree of success”

Continued from front page He said that one of the reasons he was in support was “not just a strike about pay, just generally problems across all levels of education throughout the country.” The picket line then moved down through Newcastle to Monument where they were met by a larger group of supporters of the union’s actions. As the group were walking down Northumberland Street they were chanting “They say cut back, we say

portant to “stop the unfair and unjust of pay to people working in higher education.” In a statement on their website Newcastle University’s Student’s Union said: “Newcastle University Students’ Union recognises the right of Union members to strike but is committed to minimising the impact it has on our members. The University has emailed all students to inform them of the strike.” Dr. Joan Harvey, a senior lecturer in the school of psychology and Presi-

fight back” and “Low pay, no way”. One person in support of the strike action was the Regional Secretary for the Fire Brigades Union, Pete Wilcox, who said: “We have to show solidarity and unity with each other in order to come out at the other end of this dispute with some degree of success.” “We have to say enough is enough and that’s what were doing here today by supporting lecturers and other workers in all of the public services.” At Monument there was a number of speakers including Regional Chair of Ucu, Terry Murphy, who said it was im-

dent of Ucu Newcastle Branch said that “you’re not going to provide the best quality with staff that are demotivated because their money is being eroded.” If the strike was unsuccessful the next action would be “action short of a strike” which consists of “not turning up on Saturdays, not filling in returns, that’s the plan to make the system realise that we’re actually worth paying a decent wage to.” She went on to say that “we don’t want to hurt the students [because] we believe educating you [students] for a better future.”

“You’re not going to provide the best quality with staff that are demotivated because their money is being eroded”

The Courier

Monday 4 November 2013

news.5

Fine Art graduate scoops first place in prestigious ‘Emerging Artists’ award By Molly Hodgson Fine Art graduate Faye Green has beaten off more than 1600 entries to win the Converse/Dazed Emerging Artists Award. She faced a panel of judges for a live performance which took place in Shoreditch, London. The panel consisted of journalist Miranda Sawyer, Turner-prize nominated artist Paul Noble, Whitechapel Gallery curator Kirsty Ogg, Dazed visual arts editor Franscesca Gavin, ICA curator Matt Williams, Firstsite curator Michelle Cotton and gallery director Sadie Coles. With a panel of prestigious judges Faye said it was a naturally “nerve wracking” experience. Faye complimented the UniFaye compliversity, praising mented the Fine Art as a “reUniversity, ally good course” with “fantastic praising Fine ”, teaching Art as a ‘really staff her to be “indegood course’ pendent and selfreliant”; key skills in becoming a great artist, which Faye is well on her way to achieving. Faye’s tutor, Professor Chris Jones, had nothing but praise for her as well. He marvelled at the “fantastic news” pro-

HONG KONG FAYEY Faye’s performance was a combination of spoken word and dance and she beat off over 1600 other applicants Image: Colin Davison

nouncing it “a really wonderful achievement” acknowledging Faye as “a highly individual and promising artist”. Her piece was He reveals the many opportuniinﬂuenced ties Faye will reby Charcot’s ceive, having won synoptic tables this award. He hopes, and of the stages knows, she will of hysterical take full advantage of these opattack portunities to develop “an exciting, distinctive practice and career”. He is proud to see a “serious and hardworking” student, like Faye, do well. Her piece NOT TO DISCOU[RAGE] YOU is spoken word and dance. When asked about the reception by the judges Faye said they “ really enjoyed the rebelliousness of [her] piece]”. Her piece was influenced by Charcot’s synoptic tables of the stages of hysterical attack. She will be doing performances, along with the other finalists’ work, at the Londonewcastle Project Space until the 7th November. Her next plan is to head to Berlin to do an artist in residence programme at Culturia for six weeks. The competition is now in its fourth year and takes place annually.

Newcastle to open first student microbrewery By Josh Kelly A group of Newcastle University students are to set up an environmentally sustainable microbrewery after receiving funding from the Nus. Stu Bru, which will be located near Rupert’s Wood in Northumberland, will be the first student-managed microbrewery in the UK. The project received funding from the Nus Students’ Green Fund (SGF), which allocated £296,341 to Nusu for the microbrewery and six other student-led sustainability initiatives. A student committee has been set up to manage the project and intensive planning is underway. Zelda Mendelowitz, co-chairman of the new Stu Bru Society, said: “It’s a really cool thing for students to be opening a microbrewery. We want to educate people about where their drinks come from and we want the whole thing to be as sustainable as possible”. Work on the site began earlier in the year, but students are now actively contributing to the brewery’s construction. Last week, a group of 15 students visited the site to clear space for a bottling and storage facility. As an Sgf project, the microbrewery is centrally focussed on sustainability and environmental impact. The organisers are currently considering issues such as waste disposal, water recycling and sustainable energy. Academics at the University have also expressed an interest in contributing to the design of the brewery. Red Kellie, the Scan representative

working with the student committee, said: “it’s going to be really interesting for the student population to think about how to make the brewing process as green as possible” Kellie continued: “It’s about encouraging people to look differently at drinking and promoting a responsible drinking message. It’s about the taste, and the flavour, and where the product has come from. It’s going to be local and craft-made by students. That’s what’s going to grab people’s attention. It’s not necessarily about drinking lots. It’s about understanding why the flavours are constructed in a certain way.” As well as raising awareness of environmental issues and responsible “We want to drinking, the educate people project aims to provide opportuabout where nities for students their drinks to develop their business and encome from” terprise skills in a real commercial environment. The University’s student population will be the first target market for the brewery. Stu Bru products will initially be sold through Su bars who have an agreement in place with the committee. If this arrangement is successful, the project may consider bottling for a public market in the future. Organisers hope to have the microbrewery up-and-running by May 2014, though Kellie stresses that this will be a difficult task: “It’s a massively ambitious project, but we will get there in the end. Hopefully some time next year we will have our brews in the Student Union”.

STU-BRU Newcastle Stu Bru is the ﬁrst of its kind in the country and aims to teach students about taste and brewing processes Image: Zelda (SCAN)

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Monday 4 November 2013

The Courier

Uni branch of Amnesty International launched after Student Union go ahead By Rebecca Winlo The Student’s Union has approved the creation of a new society here on campus; Amnesty International. The Union is already home to other humanitarian societies – Oxfam and International Development – and hosts the Student Community Action Network, so it seems the addition of Amnesty to its charitable credentials was only a matter of time. President Lola Alli said ‘Amnesty International Society (Newcastle University) aims to educate students about human rights, why it is important, how it affects our society and why they should get involved. It is our goal to create opportunities for students to participate and contribute in the promotion of human rights. The society will engage in peer education and discussions, letter writing, photo challenges, fundraising events, campaigns and more’ The group started in 1961 following an international outcry when two Portuguese students made a toast to freedom. Since then it has only grown, and now boasts over three million supporters worldwide, making it the largest human rights charity. Internationally, campaigns include the

FIGHT FOR YOUR RIGHTS Amnesty International has been a key player in human rights campaigning which will now make its debut on campus Image: amnestyinternational_us

case of Private Chelsea Manning, who is currently serving the first of thirty-five years in prison for leaking confidential US military documents to Wikileaks, and that of Pussy Riot, two of whom remain in prison for singing a song that

was critical of Putin in a church. Amnesty International has deep roots within the world: ‘Amnesty International holds all countries to the standards of the Universal Declaration of Human Rights. This UN document provides a

framework for a world in which every single human being is guaranteed a basic standard of dignity, respect and freedom’ The Union welcomes its new society, which reaffirms its student’s commitment to international issues. If

you would be interested in getting involved, add AIS NU on Facebook, or attend the group’s inaugural meeting on the eleventh of November (location TBC).

The Courier

Monday 4 November 2013

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Boutique bowling scores a strike By Anna Templeton News Editor Newcastle’s first ever ‘boutique bowling’ alley opened on 1 November, promising to put “glamour back into the sport.” Lane7, a three-floor, warehouse-style bowling and eating and drinking establishment, is the first of its kind in the North East. The venue sits on the site of the former ATS Euromaster garage on St James’ Boulevard in central Newcastle and consists of eight lanes with exclusive walnut wood, a UK first for any bowling alley. The concept of the alley is 1950s chic, complete with vintage Brunswick ball returns, which have been shipped in from the United States. The venue also hosts four American sized (8ft) walnut pool tables, two ping pong tables and

style dining by putting his own twist on things. This includes a new, bespoke Lane7 ‘sausage burger’ and smoked beef and pork ribs, prepared in Lane7’s very own smoker. This will be complimented at the bar with a range of alternative cocktails, alongside draught beers from the likes of celebrated American brewing greats like Brooklyn Brewery and the Blue Moon Brewing Co. The Courier went along to the opening night, and spoke to people enjoying their evening in the new venue. Michel, from Newcastle, said: “It’s the first time I’ve been to Lane 7, there’s nothing quite like this in Newcastle! The food is absolutely fantastic and it’s a novelty I can’t see wearing off any time soon.” The Courier also spoke to a group on a night out, who said: “We’ve had a thoroughly good evening. We’re really impressed by the place and we’re looking

“We’ve been brainwashed for the last 20 years into thinking bowling is about plastic seats and plastic hot dogs in the dreary surroundings of a retail park. I want to bring the glamour back into bowling” even a private karaoke booth. Owner, Tim Wilks explained: “Unfortunately, we’ve been brainwashed for the last 20 years into thinking bowling is about plastic seats and plastic hot dogs in the dreary surroundings of a retail park. I want to bring the glamour back into bowling. “This is going to appeal to a large cross section of the public. This isn’t just for those looking for an alternative night out, because it’ll also be the perfect venue for private parties, special events and even a corporate crowd keen to entertain its clients with something different from the norm.” Lane7 has also brought in Chris Finnigan as head chef in its kitchens. The 28-year-old, who spent almost four years learning his trade under Raymond Blanc at Le Manoir aux Quat’Saisons, says the food will become synonymous in its own right. He’s promising to shake up American

forward to when it opens fully. We’ve already planned our Christmas night out and January gatherings will be here. We’re really taken by it.” When asked about the bowling, they said: “It was really good, we didn’t do too well but it was great! Another group commented: “The bowling was much more relaxed than I thought. But the food was absolutely delicious.” “The general atmosphere seems good and the American feel is good. I loved the alcoholic milkshakes!” Marcus, the manager of Lane 7, said: “The preview night went better than expected, the response has been phenomenal and we’re really excited about the actual opening. We’re ready for the general public and can’t wait to open. The preview nights showed us how everything worked, how long people were taking to bowl. We’ve definitely sorted out a few teething problems!”

BOWLED OVER

The new Lane7 bowling alley hopes to be a pioneering venue that mixes food, drink and leisure Photos: Joe Wood

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Monday 4 November 2013

Biometric scanning introduced By Antonia Velikova Following a demand from the Home Office, the University of Ulster and University of Sunderland have introduced biometric scanning as a method of monitoring international students’ attendance at lectures. The practice has been heavily criticized by the National Union of Students (NUS) as being “incredibly unwelcoming” and “discriminating”. “It is appalling that certain institutions have required physical checks of any quantity and have discriminated against international students when implementing monitoring procedures,” commented Daniel Stevens, the international students’ officer with the Nus.

Job Title: Part-time Receptionist Employer: Macdonald Hotels and Resorts Closing date: 29.10.2013 Salary: Competitive Basic job description: A Receptionist is required to work part-time hours at Linden Hall Hotel in Morpeth. The Receptionist is responsible for ensuring that we offer a warm and professional welcome to all our guests. The Receptionist will ensure a consistently high quality of service to all guests by delivering Macdonald Hotels brand standards. The Receptionist will support other members of the front desk team and draw on previous customer facing experience to achieve service and revenue targets. Person requirements: An able communicator, the Receptionist must be able to demonstrate their ability to converse with a wide variety of guests and colleagues at all levels; therefore a high standard of written and spoken English is essential. Good standards of numeracy and computer systems are also essential. The Receptionist must be able to demonstrate their immaculate personal and department presentation standards and attention to detail at all times. Location: Morpeth. Job Title: Office Assistant Employer: Anne Mckenzie Properties Closing date: 30.10.2013 Salary: £15.00 per hour Basic job description: Anne Mckenzie Properties is seeking a hardworking, energetic and optimistic individual with great organizational skills to take care of a to-do list and provide time-saving solutions for our busy schedule. The position includes general office and light customer service duties. Hours are flexible, 10-15 hours per week. Duties may include: Computer data entry; Filing/paperwork; Taking customer/account payments; Placing orders; Light cleaning. Maintaining an office schedule by picking up and delivering items using automobile. Person requirements: Excellent interpersonal skills, dependability and common sense a must. Location: Newcastle upon Tyne. Job Title: Sales Assistant Employer: Peter Werth Closing date: 31.10.2013 Salary: National Minimum Wage Basic job description: A Sales Assistant is required to work 0-12+ hours per week at the Peter Werth concession within House of Fraser (Metrocentre). Duties will include: stock replenishment, handling deliveries, liaising with customers to create sales and meet targets, cash handling and other general duties. Person requirements: Candidates should have previous retail experience, possess excellent customer service, numeracy and communication skills and be able to work within a team. Location: Gateshead.

A spokesperson for the University of Sunderland said: “It is essential that we monitor attendance in order to enhance student retention and achievement.” They also added that students were “really comfortable” with the system. However, students themselves have called the practice “disgraceful”. Carl Taylor, Sunderland’s students’ union president, commented that although the university’s efforts to track attendance are commendable, the students had not been consulted about the case before the decision was made. Fingerprinting was introduced to Sunderland’s London campus at the beginning of this month. It has also been implemented in the University of Ulster’s Birmingham campus since January. Ulster’s spokesperson commented:

“Biometric scanning was introduced in response to changing UK Border Agency attendance monitoring requirements.” An open letter signed by 280 academics appeared in the Independent on Thursday. “The latest move by the universities of Sunderland and Ulster, singling out international students to give fingerprints to prove their attendance at lectures, is reprehensible and to be condemned in the strongest terms. In February the UK Border Agency claimed that international students do not need to be subject to more rigorous checks than Home/EU students. Last year Newcastle University Students’ Union rejected the proposal of introducing biometric scanning at the university.

Job Title: Sales Associate Employer: Lego Closing date: 02.11.2013 Salary: £6.40 per hour Basic job description: A Sales Associate is required to work 10+ hours per week at the Lego store in the Metrocentre. Duties will include providing the best possible service, complying with all company policies and procedures, organising the stockroom, merchandising, and any other related duties as required by the Line Manager. Person requirements: Some experience in retail would be an advantage but is not necessary, excellent Customer Service skills, good organisational, verbal and written communication skills, outgoing and enthusiastic. Location: Gateshead.

duties. This is an excellent opportunity to work with some of the ﬁnest brands in the fashion world. Person Requirement: Must have previous retail experience and good communication skills. Flexibility towards working hours is essential as days and shift patterns will vary, and there may be opportunity to work more hours. A high level of customer service is required and brand knowledge within the target market preferable. Location: Gateshead.

Job Title: Midday Supervisor Employer: North Tyneside Council Closing date: 25.10.2013 Salary: £10,826 per annum, pro rata Basic job description: A Midday Supervisor is required to work part-time hours at Hazlewood Community Primary School in Wideopen. You will be responsible for promoting healthy living by providing activities and play during the lunchtime break. Person requirements: The successful candidate will be a positive role model and have a caring nature with a love of children. Location: Wideopen. Job Title: Collections Advisor Employer: Northern Recruitment Group Closing date: 30.11.2013 Salary: £7.11 per hour Basic job description: Our client Geoban part of the Santander Group based on Cobalt Business Park in North Tyneside are currently looking for Customer Service Professionals to work as part of their Collections team within their call centre. This position involves a mix of both inbound and outbound calls regarding customer’s accounts where they are struggling with their current payment plan. You will discuss with the customer their current ﬁnancial situation and agree a suitable repayment plan. Every call will offer a different challenge and Advisors need to be clear, concise and accurate with the information that is both received and recorded. Person requirements: We are looking for customer service driven candidates with excellent communication and listening skills. A friendly, empathetic and resilient nature is a must for this role. Location: North Shields. Job Title: Sales Assistant Employer: Van Mildert Closing date: 31.10.2013 Salary: National Minimum Wage Basic job description: A Sales Assistant is required to work 12 hours per week at the Van Mildert store in the Metrocentre. Duties include stock replenishment, liaising with customers, meeting targets and all other general store

Job Title: Newcastle Work Experience – iOS Developer Employer: Ridee Closing date: 27.10.2013 Salary: £600 bursary upon completion of placement Basic job description: Newcastle Work Experience (NWE) is a 100 hour ﬂexible work experience programme providing undergraduate and postgraduate students with the opportunity to undertake challenging projects within North East businesses and charities. Ridee is a new way of moving around the city. If you’re a driver share your ride to cover costs and meet new people. With Ridee you can ﬁnd a driver in real-time and get a taxi-like experience for the price of a bus ticket! We’re seeking an individual with experience using iOS to assist the team with the launch of our iPhone app. Person requirements: You must have a passion for development, always ready to learn and to share knowledge. You should have proven experience of iOS applications. Location: Newcastle upon Tyne. Job Title: Newcastle Work Experience – Web Developer Employer: Bizpora Closing Date: 27.10.2013 Salary: £600 bursary upon completion of placement Basic job description: Bizpora.com is a global, trusted community of passionate entrepreneurs, freelancers and mobile workers who travel. They stay with and meet like-minded professionals, gain local insights and make money hosting other members. We’re seeking a creative web designer with great Photoshop, CSS/HTML skills for a fast moving start-up, part of this year’s Ignite100 accelerator programme (Generatorstudios.co.uk). You’ll work closely with Bizpora.com’s founders, taking responsibility for designing the UI/UX of the platform, ensuring a clean, elegant user interface that places the user at the centre of the design. Person requirements: Required skills: Keen interest in UI/UK, Photoshop, HTML 4/5, CSS 2/3, Twitter, Bootstrap 2 Optional: Less, Javascript, AngularJS Bonus: Python, Django, REST Location: Newcastle upon Tyne.

The Courier

Protest held Freshers against arms instructed to spike females trading Bristol University

Oxford University

Protesters from Bristol University’s Bristol Left club have protested against the Arms Trade by staging a ‘die in’. During an Engineering and I.T. careers fair, a scream from one student was a signal for 10 to 15 others to scream and collapse. The students attempted to resemble victims of military conflict, and even used fake blood. The protest took place to confront businesses present at the fair who are involved in arms trading such as Bae systems. They also aimed to deter students from joining their companies. The university’s Friends of Palestine Society also joined the demonstration to protest against companies’ collaborations with the Israeli Defence Force. They stated: “We don’t want companies to profit from the humanitarian crisis that the Palestinians are currently experiencing.” Protesters complied with security officer’s requests to leave the building after threats to phone the police.

An Oxford University college rugby club has apologised after sparking outrage for an email which invited members to spike female freshers’ drinks. In the email, the club’s Social Secretary Woo Kim outlined plans for a “crew date” to which male members were asked to invite a female fresher. Instructions were given to bring two bottles of wine, one for themselves and one for their guest. The email continued: “You must open the bottle in advance, and include a substance of your choice. It may be spirits or food or anything you like.” One member of the team was also challenged to bring a positive pregnancy test. A statement on behalf of the club said: “Pembroke Rugby Club accepts that the emails about our proposed Crew Date were entirely misguided and represent a serious case of poor judgement.” Mr Kim, a second year history and economics student, has since resigned from the club’s committee.

University tweet calls students ‘douches’ York University

Gender neutral toilets to be installed University of Sussex

York University has apologised after an The University of Sussex is planning to official Twitter account posted a tweet become the first UK university to have referring to students as ‘douches’. gender neutral toilets on campus. The tweet was posted from the The university, has a significant University of York EnviLGBTQ (Lesbian, Gay, ronment Department Bisexual Transsexual account, via a perand Queer) voice sonal account. and the plans The tweet read: are specifically “students are meant to help such douches put trans stunowadays. all dents at ease. faux posh acThe student cents and self union argues image obsesthat male sions.” [sic] and female The actoilets ask count has trans students 227 followers and staff to and is meant make a choice to provide ‘Upabout their gendates on teaching, der, which can be Images: Exothermic life, learning, and painful. marsmet472 research from the EnviThe SU is hoping eironment Department of the ther to build new toilets, University of York’. or make the current disabled loos A spokesperson for the University gender neutral. said: “We apologise for any offence One second-year international develcaused by this tweet which in no way opment student said: “I think these new reflects the views or values of the Envi- toilets are a great idea. It emphasises ronment Department. It appeared brief- equality on campus which is reflected ly on the Environment Twitter feed and in the general ethos of the university.” was posted inadvertently via a personal social media account.” Kathryn Riddell Images: Flickr Commons

Comment The Courier

Monday 4 November 2013

thecourieronline.co.uk/comment

Comment Editors: Joe Wood and Lydia Carroll Deputy Comment Editor: Victoria Armstrong courier.comment@ncl.ac.uk | @Courier_Comment

Are we the children of the revolution? After Russell Brand and Jeremy Paxman’s recent showdown over whether a revolution in Britain is possible (or necessary), George Severs and Jennifer Dodson join the debate

YES

George Severs

I am not a revolutionary. I don’t have a beard, and I’ve never pestered Freshers to join the Marxist society… Yet, I believe revolution will come in our lifetime. However, it won’t bring the socialist paradise Brand desires. Why? Because revolutions don’t happen when students cry ‘Oppression!’ They happen when the pain of poverty finally affects a sufficient proportion of the populace to surpass our collective apathy. We are disgusted that the 300 richest people in the world are wealthier than the poorest 3 billion; but we do nothing, because we’re getting by. Self-preservation is the cornerstone of evolution. For many in the West, poverty and hunger are unimaginable. But as gas prices soar, as fuel stocks deplete, as the fragile economy permanently teeters on collapse, growing numbers of people will suddenly find themselves approaching the poverty line. As more and more families can’t afford to feed themselves, as heating prices become unaffordable to scores of elderly people, who subsequently freeze to death, self-preservation will kick in and people will start to care who’s leading them. But by its very nature, this will be revolution fuelled by anger, not ideals. During last year’s riots, was anyone calling for the redistribution of wealth? No, they were too busy smashing windows. As the Russian Revolution finally took hold in 1917, Maxim Gorky, a long standing revolutionary, looked around in despair as it rapidly degenerated into destruction for destruction’s own sake. Brand is dreaming if he thinks his revolution will be any different.

Revolution in our lifetime… but about what? And by whom? The fact remains, as even Brand admits, that for the most people remain apathetic to politics. Most British citizens are far more concerned about the X Factor, Strictly and Made In Chelsea (what an emotional rollercoaster!) than they are about tuning into Newsnight. In Brand’s own oh-so eloquent words, “young people, poor people, not-rich people, most people do not give a f*ck about politics”. The pain of poverty is most definitely evident, yet, when it comes to actually doing something about it, most people find it too much effort. This was (I gather) Brand’s point, and his editorial of the New Statesman and subsequent rant at poor Paxie (really, how harsh was the Grannie comment) was a way of highlighting the need to bring about change in our political system. But if Brand thinks that this media trip was the vital disruption of normalcy needed for an uprising, he’s not as revolutionary as he thought he was. Think back to the Kony project of last year. Millions of hits and shares on the campaign video to bring Joseph Kony to international attention, but the event itself was quite frankly a total flop. For shame, I was one of those who shared and did not participate. Facebook and Twitter are full of the hype right now, but by X factor finale time this Children of the Revolution excitement will be as dead in the water as it was two weeks ago.

“Revolutions don’t happen because students cry ‘Oppression!’”

Jennifer Dodsworth

YES

You ask ‘by whom?’ - but I’ve already answered. By us. That’s us, the young generation inheriting an ageing system. Us, the rapidly growing impoverished class. Us - the significant majority who’d benefit from societal upheaval. Currently, I agree, we are politically apathetic. Ever dwindling voter numbers prove it, and however much Russell labels not voting as refusal to enter into ‘tacit complicity’ with the ‘system’, it is at best a brand (ha) of passive aggressive apathy. But I also believe that the calming influence of reality TV will hold no sway once people are no longer sated by the system. The pomp and propaganda of the USSR did nothing to quell the wave of revolution that swept it to the ground in 1989. Brand’s comment about Paxman was indeed pretty harsh, but sometimes harshness is needed to underscore a point. I thought Brand raised an important issue: Why is it that we weep for Paxman’s exploited ancestor, yet don’t really care that right now food banks have started to expand in Britain to meet a mounting food crisis? It brings to mind Stalin’s old adage about the death of one as tragedy and the death of many as a statistic. As for Kony, I agree that social media does not always guarantee action. But surely the Arab Spring proved that social media can be a useful tool in organising revolution? And if not that, China’s continued suppression of Twitter must stand as testament to its potential power. Revolution is now easier than ever before.

‘Revolution is now easier than ever before’… an exaggeration melodramatic enough to have come from Brand himself! As has already been made clear, people are no longer sated by the system at all. Yet Brand’s fabulous sound-bites “…massive redistribution of wealth… ...heavy taxation of corporations…”, though they do sound absolutely good enough to spread on a scone, will at most inspire a Facebook status. China’s suppression of Twitter is eluded by thousands through tongue in cheek digs at government dominance, such as the “GrassMudHorse”. Of the eighteen countries involved in Middle East protests, four resulted in the forcible overthrow of a government. These were all Authoritarian leaders, who ruled on average for over a quarter of a century. Removing the government of a democracy, however justified, is unlikely to go through similar channels and remain legitimate. This will more than likely equate to the violence you described in last year’s riots. Don’t get me wrong, our current political system leaves, well, pretty much everything to be desired, but it won’t be revolution that brings the transformation. If Brand wants change, if youth want change, engage with the current system responsibly. Why not set up his own party, lay out all his fantastical utopian ideas in a clear manifesto? Let the underserved, impoverished public Brand wants to defend speak for themselves with their vote, and give his notions some accountability. Once he’s in he can pull the lot to pieces, if that’s what he’s got a mandate for.

“Let the impoverished public Brand defends speak for themselves with their vote”

Image: chris.corwin

What’s Sarah sezzin? What she said:

What she said:

‘Goosebumps! God, thank you for America!’

‘Our president was delusional and contradictory when he declared in his speech before the U.N.’

What she meant:

Goosebumps... I’m like bloody Shakespeare with the words I make up!

What a noob. OMG! He only does this at the bleeding U.N.? I’m delusional and contradictory 24/7 mate!

What she said: ‘Here’s a shout out to an intelligent, independent Texan who uses her cowgirl smarts.’ What she meant: Yes, because we all know that cowgirls are the smartest gals around town. That’s how we govern... Alaskan Style! I’m with Brand. Screw democracy; all we need are Cowgirls.

Joe Wood

Image: DonkeyHotey

10.comment

SOAP BOX TINDER Tinder seems to have become wildly popular, but here’s to hoping that like all fads it sizzles out soon. Remember Temple run? It’s seems that we’ve been inundated with websites which allow us to avoid actually speaking face to face. Now we seem happy to sit waiting for that special person’s dot to turn green on Facebook, or venture into the world of Tinder, which primary use is as a easy way to organise casual sex (forgive me if I expel disbelief over your suggestion “it’s just someone to chat to”). In the case where there is a real meeting, both parties are usually very drunk and barely get past learning a name- and that’s often forgotten, was it Alex, Alec? Maybe it’s time we put down our booze and phone and actually dare to go over to that guy with the nice smile. It couldn’t hurt, could it? Rebecca Dooley

Monday 4 November 2013

Homophobic pasta! Tanya Nies reveals the tainted attitude Barilla, one of the largest pasta producers in Europe, has towards the gay community

Image: Bernat Casero

FOREIGN STUDENTS Unfair! We pay more, but we can’t work full time after graduation. Recently, it was revealed that foreign students have outnumbered their UK counterparts in postgraduate education at British universities for the past ﬁve years. Some students worry about the UK has trained their competitors. I think it is stupid to worry about it. In fact, foreign students and especially non-union countries students pay much more than local students. Besides, these years the policy tend to protect local more, overseas student who with a tie-4 visa can not work full time in the UK, and most of the companies can not sponsor overseas students to gain a work visa. There is nearly no chance for him to be a competitor of the local. This looks like a kind of local protection, which is not match with the democratic proﬁle of the UK. Fangyan Mei

STUDENT HEALTH ‘I am a graduate. I don’t do sick.’ I read this on my Daily Mail Online App and instantly clicked to access the story. Why? Because this is what an NHS nurse said to her patient’s husband. Undeniably shocking, I question the class order embedded in our health system. A few years ago I had a gastroscopy (a camera down my throat to look at my stomach). The NHS offered me this, for free, if I was prepared to wait 3 months. 3 months?! What if something was seriously wrong? Alternatively, I could pay (a lot) to go private, and schedule the procedure for the following week. This shocked me. I didn’t realise, perhaps naively, that our country was supporting class discrimination. Let’s face it, those who can pay get the best treatment. Those who can’t? Sorry, get in line. Oh, and the nurses might not clean up your sick. Kate Dewey

The Courier

Tanya Nies

just this short an interview, I couldn’t help stare at my screen with a mixture of astonishment and disgust. It’s quite surprising how a massive company chef could state something as offensive as this, without

e hear about child workers in factories and buy bio cotton shirts to save the environment. When it comes to clothes, we pay plenty of attention to where and what we shop. However, food? Not so much. Sure, we’re students and we need to watch our budget but some product should nevertheless stay out of our baskets. The Barilla Group is Italian’s market leader in the pasta industry. Guido Barilla, their president, recently stated in an interview “that the sacred family is a fundamental value in our company”. He then was asked whether he could imagine Barilla making an ad with a homosexual family. He negated, reasoning that “Our family is a traditional family.” Even after the journalist tried to moderate his answer, saying that homosexual people enjoyed pasta just as much, Barilla wouldn’t back down. Saying they could eat it if they liked the pasta and the advertisement, if not, then not. “You can’t be liked by everyone.” After reading

hesitation. Surely, you would want as many buyers as possible? In yet another interview he stated that he didn’t mind same-sex marriage, yet could not support adoptive rights for these couples as this would affect a third party, the child. Yet, it’s such opinions that lead to the difficulties an adopted child by a same-sex couple could encounter, but there is no guarantee either way. From Italy across Europe people have been boy-

Government show-off policymaking strategy for coming year

One Direction fans left somewhat disappointed after band unveils new members

Image: @Doug88888

‘I couldn’t help stare at my screen with a mixture of astonishment and disgust’

Image: World Economic Forum

cotting the company’s products and asking others to join in. Plenty of their products have been publicly thrown into bins and their Facebook-page covered in negative posts and comments. Even Italian political parties have started participating in the debate, stating that Barilla’s methods are “medieval” and their statements “depressing”. Guido Barilla has now apologised for possibly offending others and stated he respects all types of people, as well as same-sex marriage. He just wanted to underline the woman’s central role in the family. Nevertheless, the image of the company is severely damaged. And I can’t help but to see his reversal in statement as a PR-move, trying to limit the damage done to the company’s name – and profit. Because before the so-called shitstorm started, he underlined his statements repeatedly. Until the company actually starts changing their attitude and their advertising, I think we should all make our own decision whether we can support such a company by buying their products. And, to be fair, there’s cheaper one’s out there anyway. “The family, we address, is the classical family, in which the woman has the fundamental role, she is the mother and the centre of the family.” I’ll just leave you with that.

In light of budget cuts, the MOD present the new line of anti-terror weaponry

Image: xshamethestrongx

Joe Wood

The Courier

comment.11

Monday 4 November 2013

Are adidas all in?

The

Voice of

Reason

Lewis Barclay provides his take on the new relationship between Adidas and Newcastle University, and he is less than pleased with the company’s track record Image: Easigrass Community

Lewis Barclay

didas global organisation. Now the young people of the UK can be given discount cards for the latest pair of trainers that have two Z’s and one X in their name (Oh my god, how cool is THAT?). This is all while their Indonesian counterparts are working in sweatshop hours and conditions with an average of $0.6 an hour. Adidas obviously thought that was too much. When PT Kizone, a factory in Indonesia, went belly up in January 2011 it took two years of hard-fought campaigning before they decided to get their corporate fingers out of their wallets and out of their arses. Oh well, at least they aren’t in universities tugging so hard at the wool above our eyes by shoving some guys from the telly in front of our faces. Step up Coalition government of 2010. That’s okay though, the Liberal Democrats have always been supportive of students and will surely use their first time in post war UK government as a platform to

improve quality of life for us students. What was that? Higher tuition fees and obvious privatisation of our education system through reduced public funding inviting corporations onto campuses? So here we are, in a university now part funded by Adidas, despite its lack of any sporting degrees. This seems odd if the intention of this partnership was to build connections for students hoping to go into the sporting industry (i.e. a good reason), but alas no. Instead it is here to grab its target audience by the scruff of the neck by funding their edu-

cation while siphoning off their spending money under the moral guise of getting people active. ‘Adidas is all in’ is now the slogan for said corporation, although it seems not all that keen to be ‘all in’ to protests against its unethical practices. Hence, at the Clubs and Societies Fair held this September protesting students who were handing out leaflets next to the Adidas stall were elbowed away, unable to voice their opinions against the company that now seems to be leading the ‘student led’ Union.

Can Newcastle University really feel obliged to honour its partnership deal to the end while respected Universities such as Cornell and Washington and others terminated or pledged not to renew their contracts because of this inexcusable behaviour? This is after all the same company that thought that the infamous JS Roundhouse Mid ‘Shackle’ Shoes were brilliant idea at first. Yes, I’m serious, those shoes were so close to being on our shelves. ‘Human rights’ is obviously not in the corporate dictionary.

#ManUpNewcastle doesn’t work After the recent campaign around campus to spread awareness about “Lad Culture” Jamie Shepherd assesses the success of the campaign and argues how it could have been improved through the power of shock Jamie Shepherd

ou may have been innocently strolling around campus a couple of weeks ago, minding your own business, when all of a sudden you walked slap bang into a sign boldly declaring that “SHE’S A 2 OUT OF 10”. Similarly, you may have been heading out of the union to be confronted by a tiny billboard saying “THAT’S SO GAY” but don’t worry! This wasn’t the work of some guerilla bigot movement spreading the propaganda of misogyny and casual homophobia throughout campus. This was actually the work of Newcastle University’s Student Union as part of its #ManUpNewcastle campaign. With the intention of tackling the pervasive issue of “Uni Lad culture” on campus and separating these so called “lads” from “men”, these so-called “Banter Boards” were set up in various locations around Newcastle University to draw people’s attention to unacceptably accepted, everyday terms of speech which go against the Union’s Anti-discriminatory ethos. Although a lot of time and effort was clearly spent on this campaign, the question that needs to be asked is ‘did this campaign work’? Surprisingly, there were quite a lot of people on campus that didn’t even notice the signs. As part of my research on this campaign I actually asked people around campus if they’d noticed anything and a startling amount of students I met said that they hadn’t even noticed the banter boards. This may go to say

something about the spatial awareness that some students may have when they’re crawling along to a 9’o clock seminar on a Tuesday morning after a heavy night at Digital, but it may have something to do with the intangibility of the effort. Many of the people that had noticed the signs around campus complained that the campaign was not transparent enough and that the signs itself didn’t seem to have any real clear, and defined context. One of the boards bore the slogan “IT’S JUST BANTER” and this is possibly what the boards could be misconstrued as inadvertently representing something that was pure and simply to snigger at. I can imagine there were a few pissed off girlfriends who received a snapchat from their significant other posing next to the sign that said “MAKE ME A SANDWICH”. Others who caught on to the “Banter Board” campaign did seem to praise the campaign in that they liked the subtlety of it. They said that they liked the way in which the boards didn’t give away too much and made the spectator go away pondering what the board was about. Perhaps, though this illustrates the issue I have with the campaign in that the message, to me, was quite simply, not punchy enough. In the heat of deadlines and rushing from seminar to lecture to tutorial to society meeting, I doubt that the average student has the time to delve deep into the connotation of a sign by Men’s Bar that says “NO HOMO”. This campaign, though noble in its attempts, did not offer anything distinctly striking. It was thought provoking but only for those who had already strong and defined views on the issues of “Lad Culture”. How I believe this campaign

would have worked better would have been if it had come after a campaign that hit its audience with the message that this “banter” is a dangerous mentality. While satire is a good way to facilitate thought. Thought, in my opinion,

must first be initiated through a consensus of shock amongst the masses. The #ManUpNewcastle campaign did not provide that shock and did not engage with it either.

[Pugs howls frantically at the sky] Ah - excuse me. One should not see a pedigree of respect lowered to such bestial performances. However, it is a period of terror for my kind. The skies are ablaze and loud noises streak across every neighbourhood, much like Yemen when our American brothers liberate those savages with democratising drone strikes. It may not surprise you that Guy Fawkes Night is upon us. Now I’m the first to join-in stringing up, disembowelling and burning some overambitious pleb; that’s a cultural activity we can all enjoy: child, parent and psychopath alike. But really, is there any need for those monstrous rockets to pester my ears hour after hour. It’s like having the postman in my kitchen but being locked behind a gate. I’m angry but there’s nothing I can bite! Biting is the thing I do best. Who do you think made Sarah Jessica Parker’s face the way it is? Moi! Now there’s one hogwashed, flantageristic dandy, liberal troglodyte I would really love to snap my jaws into. RUSSELL BRAND! ‘Egalitarian-socialism’ my arse. The buffoon can barely hold a sentence together without flailing his arms around and attempting to impregnate anything that moves with his seed like some horny Rottweiler. And he’s the face of a revolution? Pah! What leftist liberal codswallop one hears these days. Consider the nerve these blaggards have to demand their energy be ‘affordable’. They show not even the slightest compassion to our munificent British Gases and SSEs and seek to take away their humble trimmings of profit. A travesty I say! Those feeble minded, cantankerous bellyachers are the sorts who call a drizzle a storm. A storm they say we had! Now no dog likes the thunder, but I shan’t say we’ve had a storm till I see buildings torn out from the ground and cats launched into the sky. Ha! Can you imagine old Felix flung into the stratosphere? Damn feline sharing my estate. I’ve barked at Timmons to be rid of that nuisance since time immemorial. It’s become a tradition of mine to chase that rat catcher full haste round our grounds, just to keep the devil on his toes. And it is traditions that keep our brave nation together, like the glue that keeps Boris’ wig on his head. But glue can loosen if not attended. So keep the burning of that radical Catholic anarchist in the hearts of our youth, to teach them the moral status of our fair Britannia. But be rid of such foolish plebeian nonsense as launching fireworks into the sky and leave the ears of canines everywhere undisturbed Yours,

Pugs (overheard by Joe Wood) Illustration by Flora Anderson

Image: @Doug88888

Pugs’ got a new iPad, and he’s been dictating tweets to his manservant Timmons. Follow him on Twitter at @LaVoiceofReason

12.lifestyle

Monday 4 November 2013

The Courier

Lifestyle Editors: Evie O’Sullivan, Elizabeth Archer, Hazel Parnell and Katie Smith

It’s a boy/ girl thing

What boys and girls really think about hair down there...

Annie Lord Stage fright #2

think I like being single. Especially when looking at my friend’s relationships which are nothing but exercises in demoralisation. My friend Ellie has her boyfriend, Sam, so whipped he can barely walk. She destroyed any individuality he had and has replaced it with an impulsion to lick her arse 24/7. Their arguments are completely irrational. When watching the Eurovision song contest, Sam remarked that one of the Ukrainian dancers was fit - resulting in Ellie getting into a mood as Sam’s ex girlfriend was Ukrainian. ‘Sorry I’m not Ukrainian’ she replied. Sam has also had to relinquish all contact with his friends for fear they may lead him astray from his role as dutiful husband-to-be and the idea of Sam going on a ‘lads’ holiday was laughed off sadistically. Poor Sam Another anomaly I find particularly bizarre is couples that continually go back to each other regardless of how much they hurt one another. Jess and Matt deleted their Facebook in an attempt to eradicate the paranoia both of them had towards infidelity. Jess has cheated on Matt multiple times, then he calls her a slag and she sees this as justification enough to sleep with someone else. She even told me she was proud of herself for doing it. If this were the case would breaking up with him not provide even further satisfaction? Instead they shout to each other about how it’s not working, break up, get jealous, get back together, get jealous, shout about how it’s not working… It’s like a twisted version of the circle of life.

“If I unleashed 18 years of rejection, loneliness and near celibacy on a guy I met on a night out, I’d never hear from them again! ” Perhaps this article makes me sound smug. I could go on further and blab on about how empowered I am as a single girl in a man’s world, but really I just want someone to shout at. In their beaten down other halves my friends have found someone who loves them so much that they will listen to their bullshit and put up with it, not because they have to, but because they want to. Ellie made up for her abusive behaviour when a teenager with clinically approved small man syndrome tried to punch Sam, Ellie grabbed him by the hair and ragged him to the ground. Similarly, Matt writes love poems for Jess which stand beside the Twilight saga in the competition for worst piece of literature I have ever read, containing rhymes like ‘you are my star in the sky, baby you make me feel so high’ which would induce a strong urge to gag even within the likes of Peter Andre. And yet, the sentiment is really very sweet and almost makes up for the fact that he is a rude, misogynistic knob. Even if a couple are together purely as an outlet for pent up anger, perhaps this is not a bad thing. God forbid if I unleashed 18 years of rejection, loneliness and near celibacy on a guy I met on a night out, I’d never hear from them again! My only outlet comes in the form of drunken phone calls at 4 in the morning to various boys who have rejected me. Whereas within the form of a boyfriend my friends have found a permanent punching bag for all their psychological issues, and when you put it that way, staying in a dysfunctional relationship sounds like a rather good idea.

Boy

hen bringing a member of the opposite sex home from a night out nobody wants the horror of an un-mowed law. So, what is the preference for ‘hair down there’? I asked several students about their pubic preferences.

“No lad wants to come away from a hard sesh with hair in his mouth”

We’ve all heard the horror stories about the bushy muff of a stranger also known as a ‘growler’. The males I asked said that if a girl was absolutely stunning, a ten-out-of-ten and they went to have a fondle and there was an untamed lion down there it would ‘put them right off ’. That really is saying something, 10’s are hard to come by. There are some who are inventive with their walled gardens and create shapes such as the famed landing strip or a Hollywood, a triangle pointing down to the vaginal region, how very saucy. However, of the interviewees, all said that a shaven haven was preferable to any form of design or in fact, any female hair down there. To put it bluntly, no lad wants to come away from a hard sesh with hair in his mouth. From my experience, girls do generally seem to care more about their pubic regions. Girls seemingly are less fussy about boy’s hair down there. One student I asked explained that ‘it’s not a problem as long as it’s not too long or bald, bald is a bit weird’. Apparently being bald makes a man look about twelve rather than the age he should. As far as grooming goes, ‘Manscaping’ appears to be much further down the list than that fabled shaven haven. Those of us who know (the males of the population), we aren’t as careful, it had been ‘a month, maybe two, in fact’ for one male interviewee since his last visit to the pube-dresser. That long you say? Most people I spoke to said the same. You’d be surprised; grooming is definitely the last thing on some guys mind. So, from these experiences I have learnt that both genders don’t agree on pubic perfection (genders not agreeing, when’s that ever happened). Girls, get those epilators out and get rid, nobody wants that lion to roar at four in the morning after a social at TigerTiger on a Wednesday. Whilst, lads, don’t worry, we needn’t do anything, just a trim every now and then and it’s sorted. Quite interesting really, never knew how the female sex felt about us. I know what I’m off to do. Good job I bought that beard trimmer the other day…

Girl

air down there, something we all have to deal with, whether we’re removers or not, it’s a decision you have to make. With girls bodies there is a lot of controversy about this topic. Some people are outraged by the idea of bald bits, saying it’s the influence of pornography or child-like. However, what it comes down to is what you’re comfortable with. You may groom for your boyfriend or girlfriend, even becoming creative with designs (not something that I’ve attempted yet as letting my artistic side out with a razor is not something I want to risk.) However, it’s down to you to decide whether you want to go natural, completely bald, or somewhere in-between. Either way, it’s advised that you keep it tidy, at least a little trim from time to time for hygiene and comfort reasons. Once you’ve made the decision of how much you want to remove, you have to think about the ‘How’. Waxing, hair removal creams, or shaving- it’s a jungle out there. All of them have their ups and downs. Waxing can be painful and awkward; lying down, biting your lip so you don’t cry, while at the same time trying to make light conversation with a stranger touching a place you reserve for the near and dear: ‘Yes! It has been raining a lot recently!’ (shocking). Sadly, waxing is the most effective and long-lasting option. Hair removal creams are easy enough to use but not recommended in this area. Although they’re a lot less painful than waxing, they are not as effective. If you aren’t going to wax, just go for a good old shave! However, for those of us who aren’t body contortionists, shaving can be quite a challenge and fairly time consuming. If you’re still unsure about how you want to face the challenge of hair removal, ‘Veet’ has

“A lot of boys like to keep an ‘empty canvas’ believing it makes their package look bigger, however its often more about performance than size ” a ‘solution finder’ on their website to help you find a product which is best suited for your needs. So, we’ve assessed the issue of grooming preferences for ourselves, yet there is more to think about; how we like our men. A lot of boys like to keep an ‘empty canvas’, believing that it makes their package look bigger, however, it’s often more about performance than size! Nevertheless, grooming makes the area tidier and look cleaner. Overall, it comes down to individual preference, but most women prefer their men to remove hair or at least trim it short. So happy grooming guys! Written by Josh Nicholson and Jenny Revell Illustration by Daisy Billowes

Whatever happened to my... virginity So I’ll set the scene but first I want to preface this article with a word of warning, do not do what I did, hilarious as it is to look back on, you only get to lose it once and mine was probably the least romantic thing ever to have happened in the history of mankind. I would describe it as shambolic, intoxicant induced and well documented. Now back to the story of how I lost my V-plates. It was shortly after I turned sixteen, all newly single and after the excitement of doing our GCSE’s everyone was letting their hair down, admittedly some of us more than others but regardless everyone was off their chops. Luckily for me the loss of my virginity had an audience so I didn’t need to remember it myself but more on that later. Every Friday night all our friends used to descend on a local park which had a big expanse of empty land next to it, for us it was perfect, it had a knee deep pool complete with newts as most public pools are and being under the legal age we Illustration by Daisy Billowes

weren’t bothered by the police as we could see them coming a mile off. The scene of the crime was actually the children’s play park nearby, which let’s be honest sounds utterly horrific, playing truth or dare when arriving in halls and saying the sentence, ‘I lost my virginity in a children’s play park’, does set you up for some interesting questions being asked by some worried people. We all used to arrive at around five and carry on for as long as we could before cycling home, I’d love to say I was only under the influence of booze at the time but I was going through an ‘experimental phase’ and so it’s fair to say I wasn’t exactly with it, I’d describe my ability to string together a coherent sentence as abysmal. So at about midnight, in a children’s play park, with a girl I knew, while about five of my friends watched along with two Police Community Support Officers (they were trying to send kids home). One of my friends even tried to help me put on protection which apparently didn’t go very well. This is the only time anyone will say DO TRY THIS AT HOME, it’s a lot more comfortable and less people will watch. Anonymous (if you put my name to this I will find you…)

Culture The Courier

.13

Monday 4 November 2013

thecourieronline.co.uk/culture

Blind Date:

Robin Masters, 2nd Year Politics and Economics meets Millie Ellis, 3rd Year Chemistry

Culture Editor: Sam Summers Sections: Lifestyle, Fashion, Beauty, Arts, Music, Film, TV and Science courier.culture@ncl.ac.uk | @CourierOnline

Where? - Cinema, then dinner and drinks. What they drank: - Millie had a Bulmer’s and Robin had a pint. Who paid? - They both did. Robin for dinner and Millie for the cinema tickets.

Robin on Millie

Millie on Robin

Describe your first impression of her in three words... Fun, friendly and pretty.

Describe your first impression of him in three words... Friendly, funny and CUTE.

What is your usual type and how far did Millie meet it? I’d say that I don’t really have a ‘type’ as such I just kind of like girls that are easy-going and fun and from what I could tell of Millie she definitely fit that description.

What is your usual type and how far did Robin meet it? I like funny boys with a nice smile so yeah I’d say he fits my type.

“He bought a Big Issue and I couldn’t tell whether he was showing off or not.”

Any awkward moments? Erm I suppose deciding on who’s paying for what. It always seems a bit over bearing and neo-sexist for the guy to pay for everything but you don’t want to be the weird stingy guy either. In the end it worked out well, I paid for drinks and dinner and she paid for the cinema.

Were there any awkward moments? Not really. Apart from when we walked past a Big Issue seller and he bought one. I wasn’t sure if he was being genuine or just showing off haha! But then as we talked more I figured he probably was being genuine.

Any weird conversation topics? Not that I can remember, there were a few odd moments when we left the cinema. We saw the aftermath of the Derby so there were a fair few fights, a lot of policemen and smashed glass, which was a bit strange... But other than that pretty standard conversation really, it was nice.

Any weird conversation topics? Not that I can think of... We’ve actually met once before at a festival so we talked about that a bit. I think we actually have quite a lot in common so it went smoothly.

“I think her best trait is that she’s definitely very easy to be around.”

At any point did you understand why he was single? Haha I can’t say I did, no. Maybe he just likes it. What were his best and worst traits? Best trait... really enthusiastic and friendly smile. Worst trait... seems like he likes to be right.

What were her best and worst traits? Hmmm I think her best trait is definitely that she’s very easy to be around. Very chatty and friendly, which made the date a lot less awkward than it might have been and a lot more fun. And worst trait, nothing springs to mind so I think I’ll probably leave that question. No comment.

Would you let him meet your Mum and Dad? Yeah my Mum would love him and since he’s interested in politics and stuff my Dad could have chats with him about stuff I dont understand/care about.

Would you let her meet your Mum and Dad? Well I think that’d have to happen after a little while but I can’t see why not. She’s very chatty and friendly so I reckon my fam would get along with her but obviously it’s early days yet!

Shag, marry or “See ya bye”? After a few more dates if they went well then shag haha, I dont even wanna think about marriage at this point so not that.

Cheeky one: shag, marry or “See ya bye”? Haha I’d have to go shag...but potentially marry

Will a second date happen? Yeah baby!

Will a second date happen? I hope so. We got on really well so I’d like that. We’ll have to see what happens I guess.

How did it end? Any kissing? It was actually a bit of an awkward hug. I didn’t want to kiss on the first date.

How did it end? Anything filthy? I’m not really one to kiss and tell.

Rate yo’ date A solid 9

Rate yo’ date Nine I think. Ten seems a bit too eager!

Unlucky in love? The Courier is here to help! Send your details to: c2.lifestyle@ncl.ac.uk

14.lifestyle

Monday 4 November 2013

The Courier

Lifestyle Editors: Evie O’Sullivan, Elizabeth Archer, Hazel Parnell and Katie Smith

Four Instagram accounts to follow if you are a: Foodie 1. @wagamama_uk

If you’re all about noodles, rice and Asian spice, this is the one for you. The best part is that if the pictures make your stomach rumble, you only have a short walk into town to find what you’re looking for. 2. @spoonforkbacon

Here are some motivational images for your weekly food shop: gorgeous pictures of all sorts of food that look almost (but not quite) too good to eat. Wholesome ingredients and hearty food make for a winning combination. 3. @saskro

If what you’re looking for is a bit of #thinspiration, no one makes healthy food look more appealing than this instagrammer. Beautiful photos with recipes to help you fight the bulge! 4. @bakersroyale_naomi

If the end of the Great British Bakeoff has left a gaping hole in your life and, more importantly, an empty feeling in your stomach, this is just what you need. Photos are accompanied by a blog with recipes and top tips to make your own sweet treats. (www.bakersroyale.com) By Becca Latter

We like to drink (responsibly) with The Courier, ‘cus The Courier is our mate! The Vegetable Game

Four-card Trick

Equipment: Just a drink Fun rating: 2/5 Perfect game to play after a few drinks when everyone starts getting a bit giggly. Each person takes a turn to pick a different vegetable, then everyone must cover their teeth with their lips and must not show their teeth at all after this point. The first person says their vegetable twice (for example: Carrot Carrot) and then calls the name of another player’s vegetable. For example: Person one: Carrot Carrot calling Butterbean Player two (Butterbean): Butterbean Butterbean calling Potato Player three: Potato Potato calling Broccoli And so on… If anyone is caught showing their teeth for any reason, they must down their drink. This gets harder as the game goes on and trying to talk with your lips covered gets funnier!

Equipment: Deck of cards, full drink and extra cup Fun rating: 4/5 The dealer hands out four cards to each player, which are then placed in a line face down on the table so no player is aware of what any of the cards are. Each player takes a turn to say whether the first card they have is red or black. If they’re right, they pour some of their drink into the person on their right’s empty cup. If they’re wrong, they drink some of their own drink. For the second card, the player must say whether they think this card will be higher or lower than the card before (ace is the lowest card in this game and king the highest). This time, if they are correct they pour some of their drink into the person on their left’s extra cup and if they are wrong they drink some of their own drink. For the third card players must guess whether the number will be outside or in between the previous two cards. Same rules to guessing wrong apply as above, only this time if you are correct you must pour your drink into the cup of the person sat opposite you. The final card is the wild card. Pick a suit and turn over your card. If you were right, pour what is left of your own drink and in your spare cup into the spare cup of a player of your choice. If you are wrong, you must drink what is in your spare cup as quickly as possible.

Boat Racing Equipment: A full drink Fun rating: 4/5 Very simple game, and easy to play but requires at least 6 players. Players get into teams of equal numbers then sit with their teams in a line between each other’s legs. Everyone must have a full drink at the start of the game. Once the game begins, players take it in turns from the front of the line to the back to finish their drinks as quickly as possible. The next person may not start drinking until the person in front has finished their drink and placed their upside down cup on their head. The first team to have all of the cups on their heads has won the boat race. By Annah Burns Remember: International drinking rules apply at all times. Failure to comply with these rules results in the guilty party having to finish their drink within 8 seconds. 1. It is not acceptable at any point in the game to say the words ‘drink’, ‘card’ or ‘table’ 2. The use of players’ names is forbidden. (However, new nicknames may be invented and used at any point in the game) 3. Swearing is strictly forbidden 4. Pointing at other players using a finger or thumb is incredibly rude and is not condoned. 5. It is only appropriate to drink with the left hand. 6. Drinks must be at least one finger’s length from the edge of the table at all times.

Restaurant Review: Pasqualino’s

Pasqualino’s Theatre Royal, 100 Grey St, Newcastle upon Tyne, Tyne and Wear Open Midday til Midnight every day

Win free food for a year!

asqualino’s is a restaurant that strives to put a new spin on the Italian classics. In the words of the waiter, “it is a pizzeria where the emphasis is on fabulous Neapolitan style; a futuristic take on an Italian theme.” Pasqualino’s has succeeded in creating food with a new perspective while maintaining its Italian roots. When it comes to restaurants Grey Street and the Quayside are the place to be. Located inside the Theatre Royal, Pasqualino’s has a prime location in the Grey Street restaurant scene. Close to Monument station, a cheeky metro run will have you from door to door before your stomach can even consider to start rumbling. We began with two starters, zucchini and bocco-

cini, and before we had even picked up our cutlery the meal was already a feast for our eyes. The superbly cooked courgette was firm but not undercooked, stuffed with salsa and covered with breadcrumbs. It was enhanced by the goat’s cheese salad and semi-sundried plum tomatoes, which as two

“It is a pizzeria where the emphasis is on fabulous Neapolitan style; a futuristic take on an Italian

of my personal favourites meant the zucchini was something I could not walk away from. The tomatoes maintained some of their sweet juices, which would be a shame to have lost if fully dried. It was a subtle change that added to the meal. The mantra that Pasqualino’s aspires to was paying off. The zucchini’s fame was quickly stolen away by the boccocini. “A flavour explosion,” that my companion raved about as the starter that he “could eat for the rest of his life.” It was a mix of mozzarella, olives, green beans, caramelised onions and a pesto sauce. The chef had clearly thought about the combinations of textures and flavours and this attention to detail was clear though out the meal as each course was well put together. The service was exemplary and the next course arrived promptly, with the waiters very attentive and ensuring our glasses never emptied. As Pasqualino’s speciality we decided to order at least one pizza, but which? The choice was difficult as they

all sounded appetising. In the end the Aldo won; a tomato-less pizza with two cheeses scattered with slices of ham. Despite my initial fears that it might be too dry, as some tomato-less pizzas are, but boy were we impressed and the Aldo succeeded in rekindling my faith. I chose the seafood risotto from the specials menu, a mix of mussels, cod and langoustine. I was impressed that as a restaurant that prides itself on pizza it was able to convert my companion to seafood. Despite being great fun at the time and a delicious main, I would not recommend eating it if you are taking a girl for meal unless you wish to impress her with your ability to manually deconstruct the langoustine. True to the waiter’s words the first thing that struck me about the restaurant was the interesting décor. It seemed like a blend of an American dinner with a collage of Italian art work on the walls. The ambiance was very pleasant and it was clear the other diners were enjoying their meals. If you are visiting the Theatre Royal for a performance, Pasqualino’s is a must. At £8.65 for two courses until 10pm Pasqualino’s is a steal and I cannot see anyone not enjoying it. I certainly will be visiting again. Matt Byrne To top it all, Pasqualino’s is currently running a competition in which a Newcastle student can eat free for a year. All you have to do is like their Facebook page and then post on the wall your favourite pizza or pasta followed by the word ‘Courier’ by the 11th of November. www.facebook.com/PasqualinosBar

Image: Matthew Byrne

The Courier

lifestyle.15

Monday 4 November 2013

thecourieronline.co.uk/lifestyle c2.lifestyle@ncl.ac.uk | @Courier_Life

Ask Uncle LeBron

Wassup homeslice! Uncle LeBron here, Castle Leazes’ third best rapper and sixth biggest baller, your bestie from another teste. Now I know times is tough like my rhymes is rough, but just come take a seat here on my lap - mind the erection - and I promise I’ll make it all better for y’all. Swerve. “My flatmates all want to share toilet roll but I don’t want to…how do I break it to them?”

“I’m missing too many lectures because of my party animal lifestyle.. what should I do?”

Moderation of the nation diggity-dogg. Referencing before seshwaning brother. If y’all cant keep up the pace then hide yaw bitchass in the library and work there. #eatsleepwankrepeat

Homeslice a brother is always gonna need some two ply for his lower eye you feel me?…y’all is all using the same shitter whats the big dizzle? Yaw gonna need somethin to clean up the drizzle. #sharingiscaring Illustration by Caroline Mackrill

“Hi LeBron, any tips on how to study?”

Get yaself a nice little studybuddy and touch em in the rood places.. Ain’t no better way to study. Or be a special sparknotes super sexy studmuffin ye? Work hard play hard and do five whooole bags of smack brutha? Or I suppose you could just use the extensive study resources that are offered by the university...Because they cost nine thousand pounds a year ya know. #duetomorrowdotomorrow

“How do I get someone to fancy me?”

Cudda left yow gender ma frienda. If y’all a girl yaw gotta be all kind and nice and friendly and challenge him every day and be his emotional soulmate… …y’all be trippin. Show him da bewbs. To ma dawgs? Cock pushups. #oneadaykeepsthedoctoraway

If y’all have any problems and are in real need of Uncle LeBron’s words of wisdom then holla at your dawg: c2.lifestyle@ncl.ac.uk

LeBron transcribbled by David Leighton

Metro Mayhem Destination: Manors

the Yellow Line to Manors where we would then walk to Small Change: The Newcastle Vintage Shop. After about fifteen minutes of following my trusty Android’s map app and a couple of wrong turns we stumbled upon the garage-look a-like entrance to what turned out to be a treasure trove. To a passer-by the shop appears an old and airy warehouse but once inside it turns out it is a goldmine filled with charm and originality. Personally I think the interior of the shop is not what is important; the clothes provide the décor. Upon entering (excuse the innuendo) one feels exempt from the pressures of highstreet shopping chains and we were greeted by a genuine, non-£6-an-hour artificial smile. Despite being joined by only a few other shoppers we didn’t feel anxious

Image by Peter Kratochvil

Dat Shit Cray #2

he Vanity; just think about how much time and money is spent on making ourselves look attractive, it’s like our whole world is based on the getting and having of sex. Vanity is a crime we are all guilty of (and I am no exception). My body had been completely neglected during the summer months; hours spent at the gym were replaced by hours spent watching internet porn and playing video games, my high protein diet had morphed into a high fat diet and I was beginning to gain a lot of weight. So upon returning to Unay I decided to join Pinetree gym (as seen on Geordie Shore). I like to work out, but I try not to overdo it to the extent of where it begins to look like I am overcompensating for an inadequacy elsewhere (aka the size of my penis).

“...hours spent watching internet porn and playing video games...”

For this week’s Metro Mayhem feature, Katie Jones,, with a little help from Shaun Freeman, took a trip to Manors to explore Small Change: The Newcastle Vintage Shop (ooh ahh up the rah, I say ooh ahh up the rah) anors may not seem like the most adventurous of destinations seeing as it is only one stop along from Monument, however living in Bowsden Court in South Gosforth it did actually mean sitting on the metro for longer than the traditional 4 or so minute journey from West Jesmond to Haymarket. The journey was also made trickier to negotiate due to the changing of lines, something that took me a good while to figure out after staring at the route signs for what felt like an eternity. From Monument me and my flatmate Shaun took

Max Suvorov

to spend, unlike in other boutique stores. Shaun and I began to rifle through the endless rails of clothing, all reasonably priced and carefully sorted into categories- it was nothing on the uniformity of say, Topshop however at least if you find something you like you can guarantee you won’t be one of five other people in your lecture wearing the same thing. It also presented a challenge to find a gem within the selection on offer, but I was happy to try. Being surrounded by the scent of pre-loved clothes whilst listening to the mellow sounds of vintage jazz records and sifting through the abundance of bargain-priced items in a relaxed atmosphere beats crowd-dodging the throng of shoppers in Eldon Square whilst your trip is accompanied

“...surrounded by the scent of pre-loved clothes whilst listening to the mellow sounds of vintage jazz records...” by un-creative, commercial twaddle. We soaked up the atmosphere as a vinyl player in the corner played out ‘gypsy jazz and swampy blues’ to our delight. As a vintage shop-junkie I wasn’t sure whether to expect somewhere so filled with character but it didn’t fail to please with a full spread of vintage collections from vinyls to scarves and comics to converse. I do appreciate the common stereo-typing adjoined to vintage clothing (so edgy you’re mainstream) but I’d recommend a visit to anyone as despite being far from the glamour of Eldon Square, you simply can’t experience the same ambiance anywhere else. Manors lies within Zone A so it’s only £2.50 for a Day Saver ticket and as the journey to Small Change will only take you 15 minutes max from Haymarket, it’s definitely worth the effort. P.S. I realise writing this article may place me under clothes review, I’m really not trying to be the next Gok Wan. I promise.

To those who have never been, the gym is a colourful place with people of all shapes and sizes, varying from skimpy guys like me trying to put on weight and salad dodgers trying to lose some. If you go with a friend, the occasional game of bird watching (spot the hottie being the female alternative) can be played, where you and a friend try to spot hot girls of varying fitness levels, but be warned one must not play the game on their own as sometimes imagination can take hold and a momentary lapse into a day dream can morph into a raging erection, you don’t want this, as it will make your work out very difficult and embarrassing. Trust me I speak from experience.

“...a momentary lapse into a day dream can morph into a raging erection, you don’t want this...” So there I was repping my dumb-bells next to the hulking behemoths (and their chodes) when I notice a smoking hot blonde on the tread mill. I tried to manoeuvre myself around hoping she would see me working out, maybe make some eye contact, give her a cheeky wink, but alas she was too focused on her own reflection in the mirror. Instead I tried the direct approach; putting my dumbbells down I walked over to the tread mills and taking the one next to her I began to slow jog, figuring I would try to impress her by outdoing her speed, I quickly picked up pace. This was when I noticed that my shoelace had loosened, and so I reached for the stop button but it was too late, I tripped (and with a rather exaggerated) THWACK, I fell flat on my face; ‘Oh my god! Are you alright?’ asked the hot blonde, ‘I am now that you’re here’ is what I should have said; instead I awkwardly apologised out of embarrassment and shuffled off. Deciding I had enough of the gym I went down to the changing rooms, oh how I love the changing rooms, what is it with guys walking around butt naked!? Mate, if I wanted to see your chongler I would just ask, you don’t need to strut around with it like you’re God’s gift to the world or something.

“...Mate, if I wanted to see your chongler I would just ask...” Shower time is the most awkward experience; you have to avoid everyone and pretend you don’t see them all at the same time, don’t make eye contact because that’s awkward and don’t look down because that looks like you are checking out their nether regions, just kind of pick a spot somewhere and intently stare at it for the duration of your shower. That’s it from me! (For now anyway).

16.fashion

Monday 4 November 2013

The Courier

Fashion Editors: Frances Stephenson and Amy O’Rourke Deputy Fashion Editor: Bex Finney

Wardrobe Wars

Fashion trio Frances Stephenson, Amy O’Rourke and Bex Finney and their not-so-better other halves discuss which wardrobe items they wish each other would sin-bin. It’s about to get very heated. Matt

Frances

he item I think Matt should place in the wardrobe sinbin is the self titled- ‘promoter’ parka. You know the type, they stand outside Tesco handing you flyers for Ill Behaviour, even when you clearly have just been to the gym, are dripping with sweat (thank you Jesmond Gym air con) and would just like to escape the rush to buy another packet of Haribo Tangfastics and slink home unscathed. The streets of Jesmond are littered with countless guys in parka jackets. Don’t get me wrong, it’s a very versatile item, keeps you cosy when you’re working the doors of Floritas, has loads of pockets for all of those cool drugs you snort and the massive hood offers the possibility to hide from undesirables you might meet on your way to Uni. But unfortunately, the paradox of fashion is that once too many people start wearing your favourite jacket, that it automatically becomes slightly less trendy. Every time I see this coat I just get visions of a cross between Made In Chelsea and a Mod, which really isn’t the look Matt normally champions… So it’s really nothing personal, but this is the thing that I wish he’d get rid of.

Bex

t pains me to admit, but Fran is often a well-dressed girl. She can pull off most things with some sort of fashionable aplomb. However, even student fashion editors can have their off days. Days when they wear coats like this. Had John Motson’s infamous sheepskin coat ever had an impassioned romp in the sack with a shagpile carpet, this would be the bastard child abomination produced. Ok, perhaps I’m being too harsh on the coat. I understand the premise of it – trying to be one of those classic and refined items that also keeps you warm in winter. However, this coat only succeeds in dwarfing Fran and making her look like a shabby schoolchild. Plus it smells of old people in the way that things from a charity shop can never quite shake off. If the coat simply isn’t enough to keep Fran warm in Newcastle’s harsh winters she can always team it with this fetching multi-coloured scarf. It is the sort of scarf worn and championed by overly emotional Hello Kitty and My Chemical Romance teenage superfans. It’s a delightful combination and one that completes the transformation from university fashion editor to emo Hermione Grainger circa 2001.

Ryan

e had only been going out for a few months when he wore it; A short sleeved checked shirt. How could we come up against such an obstacle at such an early stage of our relationship? Could I get past this? How could I tell him it was making my stomach turn without hurting his feelings? My hatred of such shirts began at home, living in a small town predominantly populated by farmers meant the short sleeved, checker style shirt was everywhere. It was made worse when every time I entered one of two clubs in my hometown I was surrounded by those shirts. I would try to escape but each corner I turned there they were. Fashion isn’t one of Ryan’s main priorities but why he ever bought that shirt is beyond me. Fortunately since meeting me the days of short sleeved, checked, middle aged man with jeans pulled up to his armpits style shirts are gone. He only keeps it now to wind me up, even sneaking it into our suitcase on holiday. But I’ll be the one laughing when the iron is ‘accidentally on purpose’ left on top of it…

his ‘rant’ isn’t a simple hatred of said bag. It is much more than that. It is about what this bag represents; What it represents is pain. Any man will understand me when I tell this tale. You go to the shops with your girlfriend/lady friend and you are lumbered with the chore of holding or looking after the said bag. You are subjected to moans of “It’s too heavy” (You packed the kitchen sink in it) or “I can’t look properly because I only have one hand” (Again this problem is not mine). Now I am all for chivalry, but I cannot help but think that you girls place this burden upon yourselves and then us as a result. The humiliation; the degradation; the sneers of young children consume the air while they point and say, “Look at that man holding a woman’s bag”. There must be a stop to this madness. The embarrassment reaches its pinnacle when you are asked to take something out of the bag for the person who owns it. Talk about kicking a man when he is down. This is a stand; the start of a revolution. Carry your own bag Bex!

Amy

Joshua

t’s of no surprise that Josh owns one of these slogan t-shirts, they are everywhere at the moment, but I can’t help wondering why. ‘Geek’, ‘Nerd’ and now ‘Genius’? I can’t get my head around the appeal of branding yourself as a genius or a geek, especially as most of the people who wear these t-shirts certaintly aren’t (Sorry, Josh). You know what I’m talking about, you’re walking down Northumberland Street, see a group wearing these slogan t-shirts and you can quite happily assume that they are in fact, not geeks. If you’re going to wear the t-shirt, you might aswell complete the look with some large, black framed glasses, hair smothered in gel and completely fufil the stereotype. Branding yourself as a genuis is a dangerous game; some people may take the slogan literally and approach you, wanting to indulge in your endless knowledge and you’d have to let them down, ultimately making you look even less of a genuis and defeating the whole purpose of the t-shit. When I questionned Josh as to why he purchased the slogan tee, he replied that it was cheap, a bargain. I’m definitely a suspect when it comes to sale rail impulse buys, but this is most definitely an example of, don’t buy it just because your saving a few pennies.

hen I was first asked to pick an item of clothing I would choose of Amy’s to get rid of, I didn’t have to trawl through her wardrobe, or scan through her tagged photos, I instantly knew what I was going to pick. The ‘green thing’. I’m not entirely sure what it actually is, a shawl? A kimono? A fragment of sun that will blind you with one look? Whatever it is, it doesn’t need to be thrown out, it needs to be shredded, burnt and thrown from a window. I honestly wish I could describe the item in question in full depth, however ever I haven’t been able to look directly at it without my eyes watering, and ultimately closing. It’s bright, I can tell you that. Very bright. Oh, and it also has tassels that after every night out end up like cider-smelling dreadlocks; these tassels are then drunkenly whipped across your face by Amy as you’re trying to enjoy your evening kebab. You may think I’m being cruel, however you would be thinking the same if you had spent approximately 349 minutes collectively of your life, scanning every inch of Sinners dance floor looking for the garment in question; as soon as the club is entered, the kimono is removed, whipped around like a lasso, and thrown to the groud.

The Courier

fashion.17

Monday 4 November 2013

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Fashion Genie

Style Icon

Our fashion fairy godmother is back this week as Kathryn Holland grants our wishes and tells us which tartan trousers to splurge, spend and save on. MacPherson tartan wool pants by Karl Lagerfeld - £270

hese Karl Lagerfeld cropped, classic tartan pants are bang on trend, finished with a slim faux leather panel on the sides and visible zip pockets they add a rebel-like feel to any outfitt. The leather panel instantly lengthens and slims the leg. These trousers are part of a twelve piece set so, if you’re not put off by the £270 price tag why not invest in a matching piece to rock with your new tartan pants. Rita Ora was seen strutting round Paris Fashion Week in the completed tartan ensemble. However, if unlike Miss Ora, you want to tone down the tartan (and the expense) pair them with a white graphic-tee and slouchy leather jacket fotr a grungier look. Dress them up with a pair of heeled Chelsea boots or statement wedges. Yes, they are a little on the pricey side for your average student budget, but tartan will be forever in fashion and what’s more you can wear these whatever the occasion and they’ll always look classy.

Topshop - £50

hough not your original tartan print, these Topshop creations are too glorious to pass by. Checked in vibrant orange, turquoise and navy they brighten up any dreary winter’s day day. Being 100% cotton means that they perfect for any weather, keeping you warm in the cold and cool enough for some of the sunnier winter days. They’re fully lined inside ensuring that none of the itchiness from the pattern makes you uncomfortable. The cigarette style of these trousers means that they aren’t super figure hugging, they do taper off near the ends though which gives your leg a slimmer feel. What I would say is buy a size bigger than you normally would do as they do come up slightly small. Keep the colours you match with these bright in order to keep up the livelier feel of them. A simple turquoise silk top brings out the turquoise of the trousers that can be lost amidst the orange and softens the overall feel of the outfit. Equally one of Topshop V-necked camis in navy will give these a dressier feel perfect for a classier night time. Shoe wise, don’t go for something that draws too much attention away from the trousers. My personal opinion, steer clear of black, unless in a delicate ballet pump. If you want to pair them with a more substantial shoe that are more likely to cope with Newcastle’s wetter days a classic brogue would be perfect.

Missguided - £29

t the cheaper end of the spectrum these a great buy. Even though they are a skinny leg being a mix of cotton and elastane they offer plenty of stretch and movement movement.. The zip detailing, heavy button and slim leg add a biker-feel too these trousers. However, be careful when buying a slimmer-leg trouser with a pattern because, there is the chance they can make your legs look wider. Counter balance this with a pair of heels or heeled boots! These are perfect for adding a little bit of a punk feel to your everyday outfit without breaking the bank. Pair with a plain white cotton shirt, leather biker jacket and heeled boots for a smarter look. For a more casual daytime look style with a thick knit black jumper and a boyfriend style coat, which are everywhere this season, and a pair of black vintage boots. Keep the punky look up with dark, Gothic make up; smoky eyes and a darker lipstick.

The queen of off-duty style, Blake Lively is this weeks style icon

rom her first appearance as the tanned and ever so sporty Bridget in the Sisterhood of the Travelling pants to the Upper East Side socialite Serena Van der Woodsen in Gossip Girl, Blake Lively has had us following her every move not only for her loveable characters but also for her, let’s face it, enviable style. She’s Hollywood glamour and a California beach babe all rolled into one. The Queen of off duty style, take a pair of skinny jeans, a well-fitted jacket, knee high boots, a statement scarf and a fedora hat (perfect for hiding from the pesky paparazzi) and you’ve got Blake in a bag! Well not literally. As the current face of Gucci, this lady knows how to wear a ball gown, classy and sophisticated describe her glamazon, evening style. Favourite designers stem from Channel, Gucci, Louboutin, Alexander Wang and Marchesa, we’re not likely to afford these babes with the old student loan but we can certainly emulate her style. A big fan of the cocktail dress she has been spotted in many a lacy or sparkly number on the red carpet. With the Christmas season fast upon us it’s a style that’s definitely worth bearing in mind, keep it Blake inspired with only showcasing either cleavage or those fab pins, don’t forget to get the locks flowing, add a spritz of your favourite perfume and you’re on to a winner! Emily Marsh

What I Wore the Night Before

Max Palmer-Geaves and Rachael I’Anson show us how to be both stylish and comfortable when tearing up the dance floor

was going to World Headquarters for the Eton Messy Tour which was being put on by Audio Asylum. Having seen Eton Messy DJ’s last year I knew it was going to be a messy (excuse the pun); six hours of dancing and with a line-up of Karma Kid, Toyboy & Robin and Applebottom I was safe in the knowledge me and my friends were in for a long night. For those of you who haven’t been to Newcastle’s slightly more ‘out there’ clubs, it’s important to dress appropriately as your shoes will get ruined by the hordes of people dancing their tits off, and when you leave at four in the morning your bound to be freezing, especially after you’ve been ridiculously hot inside. I recently purchased a pair of black Nike Air Max solely with the intention of wearing them to nights such as this, the air pocket makes them comfortable to dance in for the entirety of the night and the fact that they have no suede on them and are black make them virtually indestructible. For me classic style is more important than being on trend, though the fact I do own a leopard print t-shirt and Air Max would suggest otherwise, it’s for this reason I like to spend a bit more on items that will last longer. at present I’ve been converted to the church of Scandinavian brands, digging around the sales at End Clothing, Union and Fenwick’s, the former two only stock menswear and Fenwicks stocking slightly more unusual brands such as Danish company Rains. The reason for the two layers is this; the shirt can be easily tied around the waist when the club starts to heat up and then put back on for the cold walk home. The chinos are simple, hard wearing Dickies and were purchased inexpensively from the Sale at Union.

Shirt: Norse Projects T-Shirt: Our Legacy Chinos: Dickies Shoes: Nike Air Max

ith friends coming to stay for the weekend, Friday night was set to be a big girly night on the tiles. After singing along to some classics in the kitchen whilst making dinner (MMMBop, I wanna dance with somebody, Rhythm is a dancer...you get the idea) it was inevitable that wherever we went we were going to over the dance floor. I’m very indecisive when it comes to outfit choices for a night out and last Friday was no exception. Whilst the girls were on their third mojitos I finally settled for some failsafe black shorts; cheeky yet comfy and very wearable. I hadn’t worn them for a while and thought they could do with an airing. This tasselled teal top is a personal favourite; it’s perfect for shaking it like a polaroid picture and has a barely-there crisscross back, my preferred way of flashing a bit of flesh seeing as my abs are as toned as a jelly on a plate. I’m a bit of a wimp when it comes to the weather in Newcastle, so opaque black tights and my much loved leather jacket were key companions for the evening. Until Sinners got too sweaty, as per. A last-minute change of heart from 6-inch suede wedges to my trusty buckled boots turned out to be a very wise decision since we ended up doing a walking tour of the toon in search of lost party members. Plus, the chunky heel meant I could boogie on down to Marvin Gaye’s Sexual Healing (Yes, they did actually play that in Koo’s) to my heart’s content, unlike one of my friends, who endured the pain and discomfort of new shoes. They did look fabulous though.

Jacket: Warehouse Top: Sfera Shorts: Topshop Shoes: Office

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Monday 4 November 2013

The Courier

Beauty Editors: Saﬁya Ahmed and Amy Macauley

Caribbean cover girl

Blokey beauty Man-O-Brow Our resident male beauty guru Tom Tibble gives us the low down on how to maintain your monobrow and how it makes or breaks a man.

Charlotte Maxwell opens our eyes to a whole new world of Afro-Carribean beauty tips, and tells us how everyone can take inspiration from this vibrant trend

hen you think of Africa and the Caribbean, you’re first thoughts are usually associated around reggae music, exotic landscapes, wild animals and bright, strong colours. However, the influence that this culture has over many hair and beauty regimes is sometimes overlooked. Hair plays a huge part in Afro-Caribbean (A-C) culture. Popular styles include dreadlocks, braids,

cornrows, twists, weaves and of course, the natural afro. All of these looks are relatively easily achieved- provided that you have the time for maintenance and a good few hours to spend in the hairdressers. For those of you reading this that think ‘well, I haven’t got an afro so all these ideas are a no-go’, you are quite wrong. You may not be able to rock the natural ‘fro style but, cornrows and dreadlocks are still achievable. Cornrows take varying lengths of time to be done (dependent upon the intricacies of the design) but can be achieved with most hair types. Dreadlocks however, are a very big commitment and I would suggest that you are really sure you want them before you venture there. But they are a beautiful style (just look at Bob Marley). Weaves have been taking the hair world by storm in recent years. They can be done on most hair types and allow you to make more versatile changes to your hair in terms of length, style and colour. If you want the A-C inspired look to come through to your make-up, your main focus needs to be colour. Red, yellow/gold, green and a hint of black are the staple colours of this look. However, any colours that are bold, vibrant and really pop! are also great too. The trick to making a good impact with this look is to make sure you don’t go overboard. Pick the feature of your face that you want to enhance e.g. eyes, and keep the rest to a minimum. This look has been trending through summer and was seen across catwalks, with Vena Cava and Karl Lagerfeld. Blending is the key beauty skills you’ll need for this look. If this isn’t your forte, YouTube tutorials or a reasonably artistic

flatmate are also good options. Like to keep your makeup to a minimum? You can easily bring a flavour of Africa to your nails. Nail art pens and foils are a brilliant way to build up this look. Essie nail stickers from Boots (around £10) area great way to bring a jungle theme to your nails- they offer everything from green python print to zebra print. Don’t want to break the bank? Primark also do some animal print nail stickers. And there you have it a quickreference guide to getting the A-C look. Illustrations by Emily North

Review: Boilerhouse

Trendy couple Millie Walton and Gus Powell review Jesmond’s elite beauty salon; Boilerhouse for the ultimate in luxury treatments. Haircut: As far as haircuts go, Boilerhouse in the Manicure: The Boilerhouse is an impressive front of a load of people having their hair cut.

Jesmond was a pleasant experience. The interior is cleverly decorated to give it a stripped back, industrial appearance that makes it seem immediately stylish and unique. That said, there’s still something homely about it; when you walk through the door, the staff welcome you in and offer a choice of beverages for whilst you’re getting you haircut (I opted for a Coke, and was a little disappointed by its room temperature). After having a quick rinse, wash and head massage (something you don’t get when you visit the Student Barber!), it was time for my cut. Previously when I’d had my haircut here, I was given a magazine to read, which meant awkward conversation with the hairdresser was kept to minimum. Unfortunately, this time round there was no magazine but Felix, who was cutting my hair, was very friendly and I felt perfectly comfortable. I’m the type of person who shows a picture of the haircut I would like beforehand to ensure the hairdresser knows exactly what I want, and by the end, my hair was looking more or less like I envisioned. It was slightly shorter than I had expected around the sides and back, but over the past week I’ve grown to sort of like it and I will definitely be returning to the Boilerhouse in the future. Overall verdict: At Boilerhouse, you may pay more than a standard barber but it’s a much nicer experience.

BoilerHouse, Acorn Road, Jesmond 0191 281 2348

and unusual venue. Part of an old aircraft sits in the window along with plasma screens showing runway footage and the interior décor is industrial yet homely. The upstairs room in which I had my manicure was small and quiet, which I was pleased about as I didn’t really fancy having my hands massaged in

However, this did mean that I felt obliged to make conversation with the beautician to break the silence and hide the fact that I was feeling a bit uncomfortable at a total stranger rubbing my palms with lavender scented moisturizer. She was very friendly though and soon put me at ease and by the third type of hand cream I was beginning to thoroughly enjoy the experience. There was a wide range of different colours of nail polish to choose from and after a good deal of polishing and painting, my stubby fingernails actually looked something close to glamorous. Feeling pampered and empowered (it’s amazing what a little nail polish can do), I returned downstairs to wait whilst my boyfriend finished having his haircut with a cup of tea and a biscuit. Though my experiences of salons are limited, I was incredibly impressed by the venue and would certainly recommend it to anybody looking for a quick escape from the real world. I left feeling revitalized with a pocket full of sweets (there was a jar in the waiting area) and silky smooth, lightly fragranced hands. Overall verdict: By shunning the crisp, clinical appearance that most salons prefer, the Boilerhouse manages to create a relaxed, professional environment that welcomes indulgence. Millie Walton

Boilerhouse offers 40% off all hair services for students on Monday - Wednesday.

Don’t touch them, leave them as nature intended.

ut if nature dealt you a shoddy deal, then this guide will help you come to an understanding of what it is you want your eyebrows to do for you. Firstly though, I think it is critical that we gain an understanding of the eyebrow by exploring these intriguing questions: why is the eyebrow important and why should we be cautious in meddling with the eyebrow in its natural form? According to Wikipedia, the eyebrow may exist for the purposes of conveying emotion and stopping sweat from dripping into the eyes. This sounds reasonable so let’s believe it. What we can take away from our findings is that when meddling with the eyebrow, we must consider the implications of our actions upon eventual eyebrow functionality. We do not want our cosmetic choices to compromise the eyebrow’s unique ability to manoeuvre sweat and showcase facial expression. So with that in consideration, here are some tips when it comes to experimenting with your eyebrow look.

Tip 1: Do not be fazed by the monobrow. For those of you that have never come across a monobrow, a monobrow is essentially two eyebrows that are joined in a bridge-like fashion over the nose to create one flawless line. Not only was Eric Cantona blessed with incredible football talent, he was also blessed with the monobrow. And he rocked it. Moral of the story? Monobrows can be our friends, do not dismiss them, not everyone is lucky enough to be born with one, so use yours wisely. Tip 2: Do not be fazed by not having a monobrow. There are these things called eyebrow pencils which enable you to plug the gap between your left and right brow, allowing you to build up your monobrow look. Unlike real pencil, if you make a mistake, crossing out is not an option, as this act may only further exacerbate the original error. Tip 3: Do not be fazed by your face never properly being introduced to any sign whatsoever of the eyebrow. Whilst some people are upset not to be blessed with the monobrow, there are some that are not even lucky enough to have been blessed with the eyebrow at all. Again, the eyebrow pencil comes in handy here but since the facial canvas is blank, there exists a bigger margin for error. A steady hand is priceless, but for those who struggle, stencils are readily available across the internet. There are many websites that provide you the chance to create your own custom eyebrow stencils. These are then made and sent to you, giving you unlimited scope in pimping your own unique facial expression. Warning: the eyebrow pencil, whilst reliable at conveying emotion, may not be great at manoeuvring sweat. However, since it was Wikipedia that stated this was a key asset of the eyebrow, you might actually be perfectly fine anyway.

The Courier

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Monday 4 November

Geordie sure?

thecourieronline.co.uk/beauty courier.beauty@ncl.ac.uk | @Courier_Beauty

Rachel Britton and Kate Bennett go head-to-head in the great Geordie Shore debate: Do you think it’s time to ditch the fake eyelashes or is inner beauty overrated?

Why aye!

ith Geordie Shore hailed as the highest-rated show in the history of MTV UK, it comes as no surprise that more and more girls across the country are reaching for the fake tan and false lashes in an attempt to copy the looks of its glamorous girls. Whilst wearing five pairs of false eyelashes and hair extensions down to your waist may not be everyone’s cup of tea, there is no denying that these Geordie girls always look red carpet ready, a look which is perfect for a night out on the ‘toon’ and is ‘shore’ to turn heads. The Geordie Shore look is about standing out from the crowd, and, for the likes of Holly, Charlotte, Vicky and Sophie, more is definitely more. Fake tan is essential, big hair is a must and no beauty regime would be complete without drawing on a pair of thick, dark eyebrows – a definite trend right now! Once their transformation

is complete, the girls look totally different from their daytime selves, and isn’t that what we all want to achieve when we go out? Sure, this is an image that takes a great deal of time and effort to perfect, but that is all part of the fun. There is nothing better for getting you in the mood for a girly night out than getting glammed up with your friends. It’s what being a girl is about. Make-up is supposed to be about expressing yourself and experimenting, there’s no need to take it so seriously. Besides, the natural look is boring and gives the impression that you don’t care about your appearance. Some people may class the Geordie Shore look as trashy or over the top, and I agree that it’s not for everyone, but people need to relax and take it for what it is – just a bit of fun! Geordie girls are known for going all out and making a statement with their hair and make-up so, whether you’re a Newcastle native or new to the ‘toon’, why not slap on the St Tropez and embrace this part of the Geordie culture?

Nah man!

have no objections to the idea of using makeup to transform your appearance. Makeup is a confidence booster – my dignity was recently saved by an eyebrow pencil after I absentmindedly yanked half my eyebrows out while engrossed in The Handmaid’s Tale – and it’s also a lot of fun. I don’t put on a gobful of red lipstick before a night out to attract the gents; I do it because it feels a little bit special, a statement of intent. “It am here, with my luminous and impractical red mouth, and if you don’t like it you can go elsewhere while I carry on enjoying myself.” What I object to is the kind of slap seen on the girls in Geordie Shore, Towie and so on. Skin resembling airbrushed orange plasticene, brows drawn on with a Berol handwriting pen, wet-look pink lips, eyelids shuddering under the weight of false eyelashes, eyeliner and seven million coats of mascara. The Geordie Shore look is a high definition, high maintenance, almost plasticized vision of humanity that’s basically borrowed from soft porn, which is what’s so disturbing about it. It’s the makeup worn by the women who grace the covers of lad

Beauty trend of the moment: Big brows Big brows proved popular on the Autumn/Winter runways and it looks like they’re here to stay. Charlotte Maxwell tells us how to achieve this dramatic Autumn look to perfection.

odel of the moment Cara Delevingne has been stirring up major eyebrow envy for quite some time now and September’s London fashion week proved the craze was staying firmly in place. Mathew Williamson, Burberry, Chanel..the list is endless. It seems the bold brow really is the ultimate catwalk accessory. Long gone are the days of perfectly groomed anorexic looking eyebrows. The trend now is much fuller, much thicker and much messier. The good news is with a wide range of eyebrow grooming and enhancing products on the market, the ‘power brow’ is well within reach for us all. According to Debra Bergsma Otte, top makeup artist at Bobbi Brown, ‘it is possible to transform a face with just tweezers, shadow, a brow brush, and brow gel’. So girls once you’ve combined expert technique with the r ig ht

kit you’ll have those envied after Delevingne arches in no time. But with so many options out there it can be tricky finding the right product for you. The first thing to do is get your natural shape sorted. Lisa Potter Dixon, head makeup at Benefit UK, says ‘thicker is always better’. So, if like myself you are prone to a case of over zealous plucking, perhaps its best leaving it to the professionals. Threading is a great (and also slightly painful) way of tidying and shaping unruly brows. If your eyebrows are on the finer side don’t panic RapidBrow offer an eyebrow enhancing serum to solve the problem. There are plenty of products out there to create the illusion of a fuller brow. I myself have been loyal to Illamasqua’s eyebrow cake for quite some time now. This is a powder that can be used dry for more texture, or mixed with water for a sharper more polished brow. If you prefer a bit more of a natural brow however, a gel may be more suited to you. Rumour has it Cara Delevingne swears by Anastasia Beverly Hills tinted brow gel in brunette. Well if its good enough for Cara… So now you’ve splurged and got your brow kit together all you need to do is actually master the technique behind it. Nic Chapman the brains behind Pixiwoo makeup advises using a spoolie brush and brushing upwards to begin to give the slightly messy look. With light feathery strokes fill in any gaps and lengthen the tail. This technique means you can build on the heaviness of the brow rather than diving straight in at the deep end. No one likes the slugs for eyebrows look. And finally don’t panic about the

symmetry of the arches too much. In the words of Potter Dixon “Your brows are sisters, not twins”.

mags – every feature exaggerated and chiseled and sexed up towards some extreme steroidal idea of what men want. Somehow it’s gone mainstream. These days it’s almost normal for women to want to look like the submissive, cartoonish sex objects that stare glassy-eyed from the cover of Nuts or Zoo, which is incredibly depressing. Makeup should always be for yourself, whether it’s that burst of confidence gained from concealing a zit, or just the sheer joy of painting your eyelids a ridiculous cobalt blue. It should never be about bowing to some skewed idea of what’s sexy to men.

Beauty toolkit

The Beauty Editors guide us through the essential tools no make up enthusiast should be without. As any make-up enthusiast would know, there are millions of items available on the market to make up a beauty ‘tool kit’.

Stippling brush: With a multitude of different brushes available created for applying foundation, the stippling brush is my personal favourite. The soft bristles makes it a great tool to build up coverage It also makes a little foundation go a long way. Apply your foundation in circular motions to give a clean, airbrushed finish.

Eyelash curler: An eyelash curler is an essential in any girl’s makeup bag. Used to open up the eyes before applying mascara; you can even heat it up by blasting your hairdryer on it for ten seconds for even more curl and drama. Use after applying false lashes for extra va-va-voom.

Lip brush: Applying lipstick straight from the bullet can sometimes be a messy affair; enter the lip brush. This handy little tool will help you to apply your lippy with perfect precision. Use the lip brush to really emphasis around your cupid’s bow to really plump up your pout.

Images courtesy of M.A.C

Vaseline: This multi-purpose product is the hidden weapon behind perfecting many looks on fashion shoots. It can be used to keep unruly eyebrows in place, add sheen to skin and gloss up your lips. Even though it may be the cheapest product in your make up bag, always remember a little goes a long way.

The Courier

Monday 4 November 2013

Listings

Doctors Aren’t What They Used To Lucy Spraggan Be 5th November Curtis Auditorium, Herschel Building

Sir Peter Rubin, Chair of the General Medical Council, is popping in to give a lecture on how the role of the doctor has changed over the past 200 years. It’ll be much more interesting than it sounds, honest. Free

S.H.A.G. day

5th November Students’ Union

Running low on condoms? Not sure if you have chlamydia or not? Just fancy eating loads of free sweets? Pop down to the Union where the welfare team will be on hand to fill you in on the sexual health resources available to you both within the Union and across the city. It might sound a bit tedious compared to the real thing, but try to think of it as a kind of sexy admin. 10.30am - 2.30pm

Russell Kane

6th November Northern Stage

Host of Live at the Electric and owner of the worst hair in comedy, Kane is bringing his show, ‘Smallness’ to town so that we can all enjoy his humorous thoughts on what it is that’s so great about stuff which is small. Granted, it does sound like a very flimsy premise for a show but let’s give him the benefit of the doubt, eh? Tickets £19.60

8th November O2 Academy

Somewhat bizarrely, Spraggo has been one of the most successful of the X Factor progeny, even if her taste in woolly hats should by rights have barred her from any kind of chart success. She’s pressing on though, hat or not, with her sort-of-Kate-Nashish troubadour thing. Fun fact: Spraggerz trained to be a firefighter and also used to be a plumber’s apprentice, a cave tour guide and a magician. There are sadly no guarantees that any of the old routine will be reprised on this tour, though. Tickets £12.50

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Balman Gallery Artists Selling Exhibition 9th November Discovery Museum

While Damien Hirst’s platinum and diamond skull fetched £50m at auction a couple of years ago, ownership of art isn’t necessarily the preserve of the very, very, very, very wealthy. The Balman Gallery in Corbridge is bringing its wares to Newcastle for your perusal and potential procurement, including work by Billy Childish, Francesca Simpson and Kate Van Suddese. There are worse things to spend your loan on. Think of it as an investment. Free

Bryan Ferry

9th November The Sage

Local lad, Roxy Music leader and Newcastle Uni alumnus Bryan Ferry is sashaying into town in support of his latest album The Jazz Age, some of which you may already be familiar with - the cover of Roxy’s ‘Love is the Drug’ included therein was also featured on the soundtrack to Baz Luhrmann’s The Great Gatsby. This is all part of wor Bry’s shift into full-on lounge lizard territory, something which has been in the pipeline since he gave an interview to the NME about his laryngitis from his hospital bed while wearing monogrammed pyjamas and sipping champagne. Ferry will be accompanied by the appropriately-monikered Bryan Ferry Orchestra too. Box office: 0191 443 4661

Colin Fry: The Happy Medium 6th November Mill Volvo Tyne Theatre

Whether you believe in the powers of spiritualists and mediums or reckon it’s a load of old hokum swallowed by the terminally gullible, the lure of the supernatural is extremely hard to resist. And just look at that title - lovely, lovely punning. If you do head down, be prepared for vague statements, people claiming that “it’s just gone really cold”, and the tears of the recently bereaved. Tickets £17.50

Photo: Eva Rinaldi

22.artsfeature

Monday 4 November 2013

The Courier

Arts Editors: Millie Walton and Charlie Dearnley Deputy Arts Editor: Laura Wotton

THE

GALLERY

oing to an exhibition preview, if, like me, you’re an art student or an art fanatic, is just another average thing to do on a Friday evening. But not this time. Having shown up fashionably late, I was greeted by Kuba Ryniewicz, the curator, who handed me a torch, and showed me to a very reasonably priced bar consisting of beer and Zubrowka (Kuba is Polish). The idea is fairly simple: you go into a dark space and start hunting for photographs (with the help of your torch, of course), the same way that photographers go hunting, with the help of their equipment, for treasures to capture. I set out exploring the exhibition, hoping to find some treasures, and treasures are what I found. Making my way through this international group exhibition, I came across gems such as Nicholas Poillot’s photographs of a forest, cleverly arranged around a corner, which, in the dark, looked like they could be a setting for ‘A Midsummer Night’s Dream’, Jim Mangan’s photograph of the desert, which is part of the series ‘BEDU’, and my personal favourites, Ryniewicz’s own photographs form the series ‘Surface’, which really, and I mean REALLY work in the dark. Their surface lights up when you point your torch in their general direction – something that could not be achieved in a fully lit gallery space. On top of this, there is also a wonderful projection of Preeti Studio’s digital backdrops, that create a truly fantastical atmosphere, and mini archives and albums of old photographs by unknown authors, found at flea markets all over the world.

Heading through to the basement, there is another easy-to-miss book of photographs, this time a German family album, followed by Olga Sliwczynska’s series of photographs depicting different Fiat 126s, entitled ‘Maluch’ – a Polish nickname given to the car because of its size, which translates as ‘The Little One’. Half way down the stairs is another interesting discovery, Peter Sutherland’s video of bubbling tar projected onto the floor, which gives a curious effect in the dimmed lighting. The whole exhibition feels like going on an adventure, and with the variety of photographs, it’s definitely worth a shot if you’re in the mood for exploring. It’s an exciting way of using the Project Space. The NewBridge Project, is a project originally set up by two Fine Art graduates from Newcastle University, combining 65 artist’s studios and a gallery space within an old office building on New Bridge Street. Their aim is to provide cheap and secure working spaces for young artists, and a project space which enables artists and curators to experiment with new exhibition ideas, as well as publications and events programmes. The space has attracted a reasonable amount of attention since it’s opening, and is a great platform for artists to gain visibility within an experimental environment. Precious Little Diamond is showing at the NewBridge Project Space until the 6th of December.

QUOTES SO SIMPLE:

BBC Radio 3’s Free Thinking Festival is well renowned for bringing together some of the world’s leading professionals in a weekend of debates, music and performance at Newcastle’s most impressive venue, The Sage.

his year’s festival theme, “Who’s in control?” forced performers and audiences to think about who really controls their lives and who should have the power to make important decisions. Topics of discussion were hugely varied from children’s imaginations and music to mental health and medicine amongst many others, addressing and often dis-

rupting our often blind trust for authorities and tendency to trust group thought. In keeping with the idea of freedom of voice, all events were free to attend with prebooked tickets. Arts Editors Millie Walton and Laura Wotton headed to the Quayside to check out Saturday’s line-up whilst Lucy Chenery discovered what Sunday had to offer....

Saturday Review: Music Matters Presented by Tom Service

om Service, regular presenter of the BBC’s flagship classical music programme Music Matters, aired another of his infamous broadcasts to a live audience at the Sage last Saturday. Joining him were five musical tycoons, all of whom were valuable, yet contrasting contributors to the classical music business of today. Appealing to the festival’s allimposing question, ‘Who’s in Control’, the panel discussed public funding, the role of the radio and the power struggle between large institutions and solo artists. Peter Millican, creator of a bourgeoning London concert venue mourned the fact that musical education has been minimised in schools and stuck by his original claim that it is the audience themselves who ‘control’ the classical music scene. Chief Executive of Sound and Music Susanna Eastburn adamantly stressed the importance of public

sub -sidy for unrecog -nised musicians as well as identifying the major flaw today’s music scene; essentially that ‘he who pays the Piper plays the tune’, an obvious disadvantage of the increasingly commercialised music business of today. Harpsichordist Mahan Esfahani was first to agree, appealing for the autonomy of the solo artist and condemning PR companies for controlling public music taste and the ‘acceptability’ of certain instruments. Stephen Maddock, Chief Executive of the Birmingham Symphony Orchestra, explained that ultimately some is always exercising a degree of artistic judgement upon classical music, judging that the future of music will lie in iTunes, Spotify and other new music companies. Composer and DJ Gabriel Prokofiev reiterated the importance of radio and its accessibility to the general public for promoting music and looks to a brighter future in which ‘classical music will pay for itself ’. The broadcast provided an unmissable insight into the classical music business and the all important relationship between artist, audience and those in between. Laura Wotton

Up and Coming Events at The Sage The Magic of Motown Thursday 7 November, 7:30pm

Young Musicians Live Sunday 10 Novermber & Sunday 24 November, 1:30pm

Britten Film: Nocturne Wednesday 13 November, 7:30pm Exploring Music: The A to Z of Musical Theatre Every Thursday from 7 November - 12 December “Lock up your libraries if you like; but there is no gate, no lock, no bolt that you can set upon the freedom of my mind.” Virginia Woolf, A Room of One’s Own

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Monday 4 November 2013

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Sunday Review: The Choir Presented by Greg Beardsell

Sunday Review: Why Are Maps Still So Powerful?

his year’s stimulating theme, Who’s in Presented by Rana Mitter Control, united a superb spectrum of jealous, vibrant and impassioned speakers. y second adventure, whilst still highly I managed to squeeze in two events on Sunday, invigorating, was a complete contrast the first being ‘The Choir’, one of BBC 3’s regular to the first. programs. I was placed in the front row within reaching I entered the auditorium at 11am soon distance of Vanessa Lawrence, the discovering that we were in for an inhead of Ordinance Survey, and troductory workshop (gulp) for half Gerry Brotton, a professor an hour before it all kicked off. of Renaissance Studies at Dominic Peckham, the flamQueen Mary, London. boyant, animated choral diI came into this rector of The National Youth talk desiring to Choirs of Great Britain learn something Chamber Choir, broke the new and that news that we wouldn’t be wish was cer“run of the mill audience tainly granted; I members!” came out having As you can imagine, more opinions we all exchanged apabout maps prehensive glances. But, than I ever after twenty vivacious thought minutes of clapping, possible. stomping and harmonizI witnessed ing to Lady Gaga hits (don’t an engaging and ask) I indeed felt warmed up energetic debate and ready to rumble; Dominic about whether the extransformed us into the choir. cessive detail found in After our performance and a spritemodern day maps, on paper ly introduction to the ins and outs of clapand online, is dangerous for our ping etiquette, BBC3’s Greg Beardsell sat us down security and privacy. to a wonderful recital: an arrangement of jazzed up However, the point that made my ears prick up folk songs from the The National Youth Choirs of came from a quirky, blue-haired audience member Great Britain Chamber Choir, stunning traditional regarding the enjoyment of simply looking at, and melodies from The owning paper maps. Northern Spirit “The festival presented itself to me as a Having an artistic Singers, some lan- hub of ideas, a hotspot for passion and an mind, I truly sympaguid airs from The thised with her point. North-East Youth amazing celebration of freethinking. An To my surprise, I was Chorale and some inspirational assault course for the brain.” even a little defensive harmonious Afriwhen Garry said paper can rhythms from the Quay Lasses. There was also maps would indisputably become obsolete. So, are an insightful talk from the MBE award winner, maps used for surveillance rather than enableJohn Forsyth who touchingly said that “a choir is ment? like a family; it is ageless.” The conductors bought Are they invading our privacy? Can anyone actusinging to life and produced many rigorous, bois- ally read a map anymore..? If you are interested in terous rhythms that continuously gave me goose listening to this, tune in on Monday 11th Novembumps. Who’s in Control? In this case it is ber at 10pm, BBC radio 3. unquestionably the voice.

“With technological and scientific advances aiding our understanding of the way we make decisions, there’s never been a better time to discuss the subject of control. From some of the bigger questions: should we take more risks? How should we behave in a shifting, unstable world? – to some of the more focused: What stimulates children’s imaginations and development? BBC Radio 3’s arts and ideas programming aims to be at the forefront of current debates and we’re delighted that our Free Thinking Festival will once more bring leading thinkers to audiences in the North East, and to listeners around the country” Matthew Dodd, Head of Speech Programming at Radio 3

Image: Laura Wotton. ‘Music Matters’. Saturday 26 October. Featuring left to right: Stephen Maddock, Gabriel Prokofiev, Susanna Eastburn, Tom Service, Peter Millican, Mahan Esfahani Finally, on the way out of the festival my eyes caught something rather thought provoking; the New Generation Thinkers Debate Wall featuring one of the questions – Should Art be Difficult? There was an assortment of answers from qualified lecturers to passers by. However, one of the most poignant, memorable

answers read, “NO! - Jessica Harrison age six years old”. I smiled, chuckled and strongly agreed. The festival presented itself to me as a hub of ideas, a hotspot for passion and an amazing celebration of freethinking. An inspirational assault course for the brain. Lucy Chenery

More Weekend Highlights Saturday

Sunday

Controlling Moods and Minds: Depression And Smart Drugs. Presented by Rana Mitter What’s Eating You? Presented by Samira Ahmed Who’s Got Hold of Children’s Imaginations? Presented by Matthew Sweet An Interview with Penny Woolcock. Presented by Samira Ahmed

Interview with the artist William Tillyer. Presented by Sharuna Sagar Whose Strife Is It Anyway? Presented by Rana Mitter Are Audiences Killing Culture? Presented by Matthew Sweet

Tune into our favourite podcasts of talks across the weekend. All events will be broadcast across October and November on BBC Radio 3 and will also be available on their website: http://www. bbc.co.uk/radio3

24.filmfeatures

Monday 4 November 2013

The Courier

Film Editors: Muneeb Haﬁz and Jacob Crompton-Schreiber

Space/Off

Editor’s Will Babbington voyages to inﬁnity and beyond uncovering the diverWord sity of space as more than just a setting You Just Don’t Get It, Do You?

he particular phrase in question has been uttered a surprising amount of times, in hundreds of films across numerous dec-

ades. Overused lines such as “You just don’t get it, do you?” are not the only scriptwriting clichés around but are perhaps the most prevalent. From classics such as Hud (1963) and The Terminator (1984) to barrel-scrapers such as Norbit (2007) and Cliffhanger (1993), the quip in question certainly gets around. However, unless the film is a bad egg or merely just plain insufferable, clichéd lines go by unnoticed or can at least be brushed aside through the sheer joy and entertainment that great films can provide. If the narrative is interesting and the acting good, then characters spouting off clichéd lines such as “It’s gonna blow” and “We’ve got com-

pany” can be forgiven. Clichés in general have always been a hot topic, from film critics’ reviews to students discussing the latest film down at the local pub. Villainous henchman with useless weapon proficiency, training montages, and faulty ignitions in vehicles – all clichés that are scattered across films regardless of their genre or release date. Many people, most perhaps subconsciously, don’t mind clichés as they provide comfort and enjoyment through a certain predictability, the film can be easily compared with others that follow a similar clichéd path. Films from the James Bond franchise typifies these ‘clichéd comfort’ films where the audience can be entertained by the film with the term and very notion

of the ‘cliché’ all but forgotten with the suspension of disbelief. However, many do view clichés in a strictly negative light. Indeed the term ‘cliché’ does conjure up pessimistic thoughts and will crop up in critiques as an undesirable aspect of the film. If clichés are a key component in their structure, films becomes predictable and even dull and will drag the film to movie-hell, ready to be savaged with criticism. The point is that any film that uses overused lines or clichés in general has to be pretty darn good for the audience to overlook them; some of the greats in recent years (The Dark Knight Rises) can be scrutinised and clichés uncovered, but their sheer brilliance blinds the majority of the audience to this fact and leads them down the path of ‘forgive and forget’. So next time you watch a film, keep an ear out for the infamous line “You just don’t get it, do you?”. It makes an appearance more often than not. Jacob Crompton-Schreibert

pace: not exactly film’s final frontier. Since Georges Méliès’ 1902 Voyage Dans La Lune, cinema’s relationship with the cosmos has blossomed. This relationship, however, was originally one of comedic novelty: pods and blobs as well as bug-eyed monsters and brain eaters were expected and delivered with aplomb by the likes of Ray Harryhausen and David Wise throughout much of the 20th century. With the release of Stanley Kubrick’s masterful 2001: A Space Odyssey in 1968, however, sciencefiction was re-established as intellectual and commercially viable. Kubrick’s stunning tale of the ultimately tragic aspirations of humanity cross-pollinated the once autonomous, juvenile sci-fi genre with mature contemplations of man’s inexhaustible quest for knowledge. 2001 utilises space itself as a meaningful object rather than a mere location setting, the boundless universe coming to signify man’s vulnerability and lack of knowledge in the face of infinite possibilities. There are no flying saucers or icky aliens to fill the void here, instead just a tiny speck of humanity, alone and ultimately a victim to his own ‘progress’. From here, no longer weighed down by immature expectations previously realised through the B-Movie atrocities of The Blob and Them! (a genuinely Terrible! film), space became an infinite canvas of unlimited possibilities, allowing directors to freely experiment with genres that before Kubrick had been limited to the world of gravel and gravity. Ridley Scott’s Alien is an exemplar of the cinematic hybridity initiated by 2001, a film set in space that disposes of the previously necessary extra-terrestrial menaces (what’s out there after us?) in favour of existential ones (what’s in here

with us?). A haunted-house-in-space nightmare and a disturbing marriage of sci-fi technology and psychological horror, the elimination of the stable and secure realms of earth leaves a universe of unsettling possibilities. A place of noiseless death, the lack of knowledge about space and eventual c o n f r o nt a tion with

the unknown contributes to that ‘otherness’ so essential in the construction of the horror film. In the vacuum of space the sheltering atmosphere of earthly verities collapses into a black hole; Ripley cannot open a door or call for help as Laurie Strode could in Halloween be-

“The possibilities of the space film is as endless, it seems, as space itself ”

cause, as the poster warned us, ‘in space, nobody can hear you scream’. Alien’s location reconstructed not only the horror movie but also the action genre as the role that was before typified by floppy-haired Flash Gordons was subverted through Sigourney Weaver’s Ripley, the first female action hero not to be bolstered or bridled by her biology. Duncan Jones’ Moon furthers Scott’s subversive trend of films set in space through a rebellion against science-fictions previous clichés. Jones creates the moon, a once glamorous symbol of America’s ideological superiority, as a sparse prison literally confining the film’s protagonist Sam Bell. Indeed, Bell himself is a subversion of the formulaic sci-fi superman as his resentment toward space, replaced with a nostalgic desire for home, presents a distinct dissimilarity to the Skywalkers and space-conquerors seen before him. With Alfonso Cuarón’s Gravity opening the Venice Film Festival to rapturous critical reception, it is clear that space has firmly become a place of big budgets and big ideas. That some of the strongest science-fiction films of recent years completely abandon stock images and themes present in earlier renditions of sci-fi, show that space now does not necessitate immature science-fiction but instead exists as a platform that forces questions of what it really means to be human when surrounded by the alien. The possibilities of the space film is as endless, it seems, as space itself.

Pixar this: animation for all Are cartoons just for kids? Sam Summers discusses the dos and don’ts of making animated ﬁlms for both the young and old

‘B

ang! Zoom! Cartoons aren’t just for kids anymore!’ So says many a cringeworthy headline each time we see a new adultoriented animated series, sleeper hit anime or box office smash which manages to appeal to gasp - kids and adults. Such headlines are even starting to elicit groans from kids. The last ten years have seen CGI ‘toon after CGI ‘toon going back to the well worn formula which first cropped up in Aladdin and was perfected in Shrek: celebrity voice cast + pop culture references + mild innuendo = instant adult audience. These are the movies that, in theory, adults can watch with their kids without getting bored. It’s a nice idea, and a lot of films can pull it off without you even noticing. In Monsters University, Pixar managed to essentially make a college party movie with its cuddly cast of characters, and it was equally as entertaining for kids who’ve never heard of ‘frats’ or ‘lectures’ or ‘Andrew WK’ as it was for hardened students who laughed at jokes about libraries and slightly winced at jokes about the student paper. Going back a few years, Kung Fu Panda 2 threw together Jack Black, Angelina Jolie, Seth Rogen and God knows who else in a film about martial arts and farting, and still managed to make this grown man cry. What these movies have in addition to their ‘adult’ material is an emotional centre. That’s why adults go to see movies like Up and Toy Story 3 alone, even when their demographic isn’t being pandered to in the slightest. Sadly, loads of cartoons seem to think that all they need to do is replace swear words with ‘smurf ’ or cast Snoop Dogg as a blazed mollusc, and adults will be able to sit through them without getting Candy Crush out. The problem with this mentality is that it’s proliferating what we - that is, we who spend our time coming up with names for animation tropes - call the ‘Animation Age Ghetto’. The AAG is the stillpopular idea that cartoons are just for kids, and

this is exacerbated by the fact that studios think they can just slap some movie references and Ryan Reynolds into a film about a racing snail and call it a day. If they think they can get away with these half-arsed tactics, we’re never going to see a mainstream animated film actually aimed at adults. It’s an easy thing to never have thought about, but really, when was the last time this happened? There’s plenty of indie films and imports that might get a limited release around Oscar season - raunchy Spanish musical Chico and Rita, for example, or Sylvain Chomet’s sombre Illusionist, or basically anything from Japan - but never a full-on, big budget mainstream film. Glancing down the list of highest grossing animated movies, I have to go

all the way down to #87, and all the way back to 2007, to find one aimed at adults, Robert Zemeckis’ Beowulf. Remember that classic? There’s nothing wrong with kids’ films, obviously. Trust me, you don’t learn terms like ‘Animation Age Ghetto’ without watching your fair share. There’s nothing wrong with pop culture references and innuendo either, as long as they’re incorporated into the film properly. However, as long as these ‘adult’ jokes are sloppily tacked on, and as long as studios see that as a job well done, they’ll never bother to take animation outside of the age ghetto and start making movies the average adult wouldn’t be embarrassed to buy a ticket for.

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HATE

“Open the pod bay doors please, HAL” 2001: A Space Odyssey (1968)

Gravity (12A)

ravity - Alfonso Cuarón’s latest film, directed and co-written with his son Jonas, pits medical engineer Dr. Ryan Stone (Sandra Bullock) and veteran astronaut Matt Kowalski (George Clooney) together alone in space after Russian satellite debris destroys their shuttle. Alone in space, cut off from Earth, they find themselves fighting for survival with oxygen running low. The film begins with the simple statement that “Life in space is impossible”, a phrase forever on the mind of the audience and astronauts Stone and Kowalski. Much like Cuarón’s previous work (Children of Men, Y Tu Mamá También), Gravity has its bleakness, interspersed with moments of unbridled hope; this creates the framework upon which a true masterpiece has been built. Visually, Gravity looks absolutely stunning; every frame could be frozen and framed above the mantelpiece. The velvety blackness of space smothers all, it is absolute, a vast void that has rarely looked so beautiful. Space is just one of the aspects that the 3D element amplifies; as in Avatar and Hugo, the addition of 3D certainly adds to the experience. The tension steadily rising as each minute passes by, the claustrophobia of the space suit and the spinning disorientation as astronauts, random objects, space debris weightlessly float across and towards the screen – all enhanced by the use of the much-

maligned 3D format. The performances and chemistry of Bullock and Clooney are the perfect complement to Cuarón’s ambitious vision, understated yet powerful, the transformation of Bullock’s character is one of the many seamless layers that create this extraordinary feat in filmmaking. Gravity is not afraid to tackle important issues; this is no shallow, CGI-driven, popcorn blockbuster. It explores rich themes that are relatable on an existential level to humanity as a whole. Communication, or the lack thereof, religious subtexts, the (in)significance of man and life itself are all profound questions raised using techniques such as masterful camerawork and the poignant composition of shots – the white speck of an astronaut floating through the all-consuming darkness of space, just one of countless spectacular images which deserve analysis over pages not sentences.

Ender’s Game (12A)

Cloudy With A Chance of Meatballs 2 (U)

nder’s Game, starring Harrison Ford and Asa Butterfield, is the film adaptation of the 1985 cult novel and follows Butterfield’s eponymous Ender as he undergoes military training to fight the alien race that almost destroyed Earth 50 years before. Desperate, Earth is now recruiting children, who can adapt to complex technology quicker than adults, to engage in mass slaughter. The film’s most obvious fault is that Earth is absolutely fine. Ender’s home is idyllic Americana, and its bucolic surroundings bring to mind Elysium’s elite heaven. Worst of all, the training space station is made of gleaming metal and glass – It all makes a mockery of Earth’s supposed desperation, robbing the film of urgency and lacking any of the gritty visuals that it thematically requires. This is sadly just a symptom of the over-arching pathology of a big budget film like this. It has to please pre-pubescent audiences, but retain the book’s dark ethical questions, and it loses direction in doing so. In short, there’s a palpable sense of ‘lost in translation’. That said, Butterfield carries the film extremely well – as in Hugo, he’s that rare breed of child actor that actually appears child-like – and Ford does what he can with a role that isn’t sure of itself. It’s a pity that the aliens are a faceless swarm, to be mown down anonymously video game style – a beautifully Gothic Pan’s Labyrinth style creature towards the end reminds us of what we’re missing out on. Ender’s Game provides a little excitement in its battle scenes, some great acting from Butterfield and the occasional hint of an interesting theme. It could’ve been a grown up sci-fi, it could’ve been a crowd-pleaser – in the end, sadly, it’s neither.

loudy with a Chance of Meatballs 2 picks up immediately where the first one left us. The main character Flint Lockwood is being celebrated for saving the island and has received his kiss. Suddenly, his idol Chester V appears on the island offering him a job in The Live Corp Company as an inventor. It then becomes his mission to find and stop his machine which is still operating and now creating foodimals – a mixture of food and living animals. So Flint and his friends set off once again to save the island. Overall the film is incredibly cheesy but cute. While the real main character seems to be Barry, the most adorable strawberry, other characters seem a bit out of place in this film and just incorporated as they appeared in the first film, e.g. Chicken Brent. Generally the foodimals make the film; they make the film funny, colourful and after all give the storyline. While children cheer and laugh at every pun, it did get a bit strenuous at times, it felt a bit too much. Nevertheless, I couldn’t help finding, firstly, quite a few Star Wars references in there – R2-D2 to name the most obvious one. Also, the film had a fair amount of underlying criticism, clearly not for children to notice but for the older generations definitely. Globalisation, capitalism, our consume driven culture and our treatment of the environment. It does for a moment make you think. If you’re a fan of part one or generally a fan of animations you could enjoy this film. It’s the type of film to watch on the couch with some friends on a relaxed day. Or you know, there’s a great opportunity for a drinking game in it – who can spot the most foodimals? Either way, in the end it’s still good fun.

More like this: Robots (2005)

George Severs

Cuarón asks the characters to let go, asks you to let go, to embrace the unexpected; this is not an easy journey for either party. Earth is always in frame throughout, even reflected in visors, always taunting; Stone and Kowalski can almost reach out and touch it yet they are many miles away. Gravity, a force in nature binding us to Earth, a force in cinema binding us to the screen, open mouthed in wonder as Cuarón delivers one of the most remarkable films of the 21st century. Space has never looked so good; Earth has never been so mesmerising; cinema has rarely been so magnificent. Gravity reminds me why I love films and is undoubtedly the film of the year. More like this: 2001: A Space Odyssey (1968) Jacob Crompton-Schreiber

Bad Grandpa (15)

There’s a reason that the first time 3D emerged it died out so quickly, the fact that the only thing it added to the film was the extra two pound on the ticket. Personally I find 3D never achieves the right balance; if it is used in an ambient manner, such as Martin Scorsese’s Hugo, I wonder why I didn’t just go and see the 2D version for such is the minimal difference it makes. If it is a visceral, throw everything but the kitchen sink out at the audience of a

ohnny Knoxville’s senior identity Irving Zisman, the randy 86 year old seen previously in short sketches in the Jackass films, has been given his own 90 minute feature. Alongside his chubby 8-year-old grandson Billy, he travels across America with hidden cameras enacting crude, antisocial scenarios to the unsuspecting American public. Billy is acted by Jackson Nicoll, who brilliantly plays on his innocent, chubby appearance to draw shock, horror and hilarity out of the American public, such as the moment when he states cutely and innocently to the horrified woman next to him that he loves fishing, almost as much as his mom loves smoking meth. I regard ‘Bad Grandpa’ as ultimately Jackass’s attempt at a version of Sacha Baron Cohen’s comedy ‘Borat’, which set the bar incredibly high for this style of film, and sadly the bar was not raised. Although there are some genuinely funny moments, there were too many times I found myself noting the obviousness of the jokes, and the plot seemed only loosely connected by the pranks and stunts. I also couldn’t help but feel that the film was trying to be too many things at once. The thing Jackass does best is the completely random combination of jokes and sketches, but the aspect of a sentimental ‘buddy’ film between a Grandson and his Grandpa undermines the usually hilarious, disordered anarchy. My advice when watching this film would be to not to get too bogged down in the film’s sentimentalities in Irving and Billy’s relationship. It is essentially an extended sketch from the previous Jackass films complete with a number of priceless reactions to Irving’s indecency. More like this: Vacation (1983)

Tanya Nies

find it amazing that the only new dimension I experience from 3D is my head aching, both physically and mentally from having to endure this utterly pointless fad that has suddenly re-appeared.

Jack Adcock

film, like My Bloody Valentine 3D, it just removes any immersion I have in the film. But at least with these two extremes I can be content to a degree through actually knowing that the film has been revolved around the implementation of 3D and I can at least see that I am not being completely ripped off. My real hatred lies with post-processed 3D films. I’ve watched The Lion King multiple times and not once did I think that the experience would be elevated from the addition of 3D, so why do Disney think that I

should pay seven pounds to watch it again wearing a ridiculous pair of spectacles only to experience nothing different throughout the entire movie? It is purely implemented for an increase in money. So it is with nearly all 3D films, a cynical marketing ploy that serves only to extort customers, of which the enduring memory will be the large collection of 3D glasses that gather dust in a corner of your room. Aidan Knowlson

26.tvhighlights

Monday 4 November 2013 The Courier

TV Editor: Beth Durant Deputy TV Editor: Helen Daly

The Big Bang Theory E4, Thursday 8:30pm

TVintage

Izzy Ashton takes a look at our favourite chart show from the 90’s In my house, teatime on a Friday after school had to be an early affair, followed by a mad scramble to grab the best seat on the sofa. Impending homework was forgotten as the still-familiar theme tune and geometric logo of Top of the Pops kick-started the weekend in a gloriously retro fashion. A classic chart music TV show, Top of the Pops actually started long before our time in 1964, and it wasn’t until 1996 that it moved to its prime-time spot on Friday evenings. Your Mum rolled her eyes at it, but the minute David Bowie came on it had her squealing at you to turn up the volume. It became embarrassingly obvious that if you had missed an episode, when you got to school on Monday morning you couldn’t comment on what Baby Spice had been wearing, and clearly this was the hot topic at the time. The real attraction was that we could see the singers actually performing as opposed to chart TV programmes nowadays, which air mostly mundane music videos. It let us put a face to the names and voices we heard on the radio on the school

run, and inevitably led to the creation of a new pop star crush each week. A personal favourite of mine was the unforgettable moment when all 10 members of Blazin’ Squad performed ‘Flip Reverse It’, bringing the wonderful Kenzie onto our screens with those ears and that perfectly gelled hair. And who could forget Christmas Day in ’99 with the last top 20 countdown before the new millennium? (Seriously, YouTube it: there are some real forgotten gems). Britney was crowned the last number one of the century with the classic ‘Hit Me Baby One More Time’, which she sang (or rather mimed) in tiger print trousers and a matching orange crop top. The huge host of celebrity presenters who

talked us through the countdown each week was yet another reason to tune in, and in 2003 it got even better, as everyone’s favourite duo from Smile TV became the show’s presenters: Fearne Cotton and Reggie Yates. Fearne and Reggie made us wish even harder that we were there in the artificial disco setting of the studio, watching our favourite girl band of the moment rocking a synchronised dance routine and some double denim (B*Witched I’m looking at you). As much as we loved it, Top of the Pops ran its course and went out with a bang in 2006 with Girls Aloud’s ‘Love Machine’. And although the top 20 countdown was never quite the same, there is still a Christmas edition every year for those of us who haven’t had enough quite yet.

here are certain things in life that make me feel truly proud: one is knowing about all things Game of Thrones, another is being able to sing the entire tongue twisting theme tune of The Big Bang Theory. Yes, E4 is finally getting fresh material from everyone’s favourite stateside geeks to be interspersed with the endless repeats that we are treated to already. But though I will undoubtedly laugh at the geeky jokes, can The Big Bang Theory remain fresh? One of the most important differences in the start of series seven is that almost all of the main characters are domestically happy to begin with: Leonard and Penny have a stable, committed relationship, Howard is happily married to Bernadette and Sheldon and Amy are just, well, Sheldon and Amy. At the moment Raj is the only member of the gang not to be paired off, meaning that unless the writers are prepared to deal with a backlash if they were to split up one of the beloved couples, romantic mobility in The Big Bang Theory is very limited, and surely can’t get much more mileage from the will they/won’t they story lines that they’ve depended on for so long. I can’t help but feel that this is just one part

of a larger stagnation that The Big Bang Theory has been falling victim to. The show’s original humour derived from the socially awkward antics of the boys as they attempted to intact with a beautiful girl. It was the orientation of the series around people who weren’t all attractive and middle class, like in Friends and How I Met Your Mother, that made the show stand out, but everything’s become a bit normal: Leonard gets the girl, Sheldon isn’t always a complete embarrassment in public (and finally has a working knowledge of sarcasm), Howard is no longer a frustrated sex-pest and Raj can now speak to women.

“But though I will undoubtedly laugh at the geeky jokes, can The Big Bang Theory remain fresh?” Even Penny’s money worries have largely disappeared, for despite the combination of a recession and a low wage, her job at the Cheesecake Factory is still sufficient for an apartment and the takeaways she has for dinner most nights (on that note, what is it with American TV shows and eating out? Have they not realised the financial benefits of cooking a spag bol rather than going to a diner? Buying a pizza from Wal-Mart, rather than ordering a Dominoes?). By not focusing on economics or politics The Big Bang Theory broadens its appeal, but the humour ost through the ‘normalisation’ of the characters needs to be accounted for, and replaced with something else. Perhaps they could introduce new

The Tunnel

The Escape Artist

ark, gritty and coldly fascinating, when The Bridge first aired in the UK in April 2012, it captured the nation’s imaginations. It is no real surprise then, that, like The Killing and Wallander before it, The Bridge has inspired international remakes. The Tunnel began airing just over a week ago, but has already been lauded as a gripping new drama, with star turns from Clemence Poesy, of In Bruges and Harry Potter fame, and Stephen Dillane, who might be recognisable from hit series Game of Thrones. The first episode opens with the discovery of a severed woman’s body in the Eurotunnel, and the investigation unfolds neatly as a maintenance driver and his van have gone missing. However, nothing stays simple for long in the world of psychological thrillers. The gruesome discovery that the body is in fact composed of the separate halves of two women, a French politician and a British prostitute, forces the collaboration of two police forces. Karl Roebuck of the British police, and Elise Wasserman of the French, become an unlikely pairing. Here we have the crux of the tension that runs throughout the series, as Poesy’s ethereal French sophistication clash with the eyebrow-raised humour of Dillane’s Roebuck. There are hints toward the political throughout the first few episodes, as it is suggested more and more strongly that this killer, is pursuing some sort of crusade. Messages from the killer demand attention, and threaten that ‘the truth’ is closing in, and I for one won’t be missing it.

or those of you who have been suffering from David Tennant withdrawal since the end of the fantastic Broadchurch and The Politician’s Husband (I know I have), then fear not; he’s back in the new BBC thriller, The Escape Artist. Tennant plays junior barrister Will Burton, whose brilliance and charm have led him to earn a 100% success record when it comes to getting people off the hook (hence his nickname, The Escape Artist). When his latest client, Liam Foyle (Toby Kebbell), is the prime suspect in the trial of a horrific murder, Burton does it again and manages to get him acquitted. However, his outstanding talent in the courtroom comes back to haunt him, and the lives of him and his wife Kate, played by Ashley Jensen (Ugly Betty, Extras), are turned upside down. Foyle is a serial killer and he will kill again. Judging by the trailer, the show promises to be gripping and compelling, with taut and tense overtones and some edge-of-your-seat moments. It boasts an impressive supporting cast, with Sophie Okenedo also starring as a rival lawyer. The series is written by Spooks creator David Wolstencroft, so we can expect a cracking script and plenty of twists in the tail. The BBC have been on top form in the drama stakes recently, with What Remains and The Fall proving to be popular with viewers and critics alike, and The Escape Artist will undoubtedly follow suit. And of course, there’s David Tennant. Seriously, the guy could be lecturing on cellular division and you’d still be hanging onto his every word. Any show with him in is a definite must-see.

Leila Nashef

Chloe Carroll

Sky Atlantic, Tuesday 9

themes alongside the familiar of Sheldon and Penny’s antagonistic friendship and the underlying homoerotic tension between Raj and Howard.

“It was the orientation of the series around people who weren’t all attractive and middle class that made it stand out.” Perhaps this could be achieved through the development of peripheral characters like Bernadette, whose story lines so far have been devices to build either Howard’s character of the friendship between Penny and Amy: by forming new groupings (rather than the predictable boy/ girl divide), maybe new dynamics could be explored. Maybe the answer lies in bringing in new characters. After seven series, it is remarkable that the show is still so popular having kept much the same cast throughout every series. Having said all of this though, I have to concede that despite my fears for its future, there will always be room in my TV schedule for The Big Bang Theory. The lovable geeks deliver week after week with their little habits and funny ways. Let’s be honest, whose heart wasn’t made that little bit warmer after first hearing ‘Soft Kitty’? Jonny Lusha

If you like this, try... How I Met Your Mother, the American sitcom quickly becoming the new Friends.

2 Broke Girls E4, Thursday 9pm

BBC One, Tuesday 9pm

his week sees the return of 2 Broke Girls, a fantastic concoction of edgy humour, sassy leads and yummy-looking cupcakes. The premise of the series revolves around two girls from opposite ends of the Manhattan social spectrum who find themselves in financial woe (something which many of us can relate to, as our loans start disappearing). Upper-East-Sider Caroline grew up with a silver spoon, but after her father is convicted for embezzlement she finds herself working at a downtown diner with Max, a wisecracking Brooklyn native who has been poor all her life. Caroline, however, sees in Max’s talent for cupcake-making their ticket to the big time. The pair, in the time-honoured tradition of situational comedy, first clash, but eventually grow to tolerate and even encourage each other. Throughout the first two seasons, tabs have been kept at the end of each episode on their cupcake business fund, tracking their climb to the dizzying heights of $21,000 and, most recently, their lows of as little as $1, when they were forced to give up their lease on their long-awaited store. While this show, with its risqué humour and frequent use of stereotype for comedic effect – in particular in the case of Han, the girls’ Asian boss, and Oleg, the diner’s upbeat but perverted Ukrainian cook – has proven to have something of a marmite effect, I will definitely be tuning in this season to see if the 2 Broke Girls will finally see their cupcake business become a success, or if this fairytale of New York is destined to end in disappointment. Lauren Hickin

The Courier

featurestv.27

Monday 4 November 2013

thecourieronline.co.uk/tv c2.tv@ncl.ac.uk | @courier_tv

Insane in the sex brain Sex box, sex box, you’re my sex box. Lizzie Hampson takes a critical look at the ‘Campaign for Real Sex’ currently airing on Channel 4

ust another Monday night in front of the TV with my flatmates, watching people have sex in a box. No, we hadn’t accidently switched over to Babestation; it was just another Channel 4 documentary classic. Remember all those years ago when Channel 4 was more like Channel “does that even exist?” Well nobody can deny now that they’ve certainly made a name for themselves by broaching ‘taboo’ subjects, shedding a more light hearted and less BBC take on it all. Their latest series of documentaries have certainly kept to this mantra, giving a supposedly frank and open view of one of the most tiptoed around subjects of all: sex. Opinion on these documentaries is divided; some think that broaching the subject of sex openly on TV is a positive and unashamedly modern idea; others disagree and say it’s nothing more than exhibitionism. Whatever side of the argument you may be on, the question we should be asking is why has there suddenly been this surge of sex filled documentaries? Channel 4 say that they want to talk about the kind of sex that’s actually going on in the bedrooms of Britain, regardless of orientation, age, race and proclivity, in an attempt to reclaim sex from the airbrushed, completely unattainable gymnastics shown in films and, wait for it, arguably the most prolific subject matter of the minute, porn. Yet, Sex Box wasn’t frank, it was boring as hell. We watched an hour of couples going into a box, and then coming about of a box looking a bit flustered, saying they “felt closer to each other” (yeah, I’m sure) and that was pretty much it. Yawn. However, Date My Porn Star, Diary of a Teenage Virgin and Porn on the Teenage Brain are a differ-

“We watched an hour of couples going into a box, and then coming about of a box looking a bit flustered, saying they “felt closer to each other” and that was pretty much it. Yawn.” ent story. All three show us more than most would be comfortable with and that’s not necessar-

virginity, sickened by the treatment of some porn stars, and disturbed by the severity of porn addiction however it is still important to remember that all documentaries are filmed with an angle. Even if it is subtle, there will still always be a bias that the makers want us to veer towards. Sex Box aside, Channel 4 has presented us with yet another string of thought provoking and culturally relevant documentaries. They have shown us the extremes of the sex industry and how it can be detrimental to all individuals involved, opening our eyes to many issues. However in terms of what actually goes on in most bedrooms across Britain? I guess we’ll just have to stay tuned to the rest of the ‘sexcapades’ they have up their sleeves.

ily a bad thing. They each challenge our views on various subject matters within sex and force us to think about things we might not have previously considered an issue. I suddenly found myself outraged by the impossible pressure put on teenagers to lose their

The jailhouse rocks

Orange Is the New Black has grabbed the internet’s attention in the ﬁrst season, but why has this all-female prison drama got everyone so hooked? David Leighton ﬁnds out

I must confess I am an avid fan of Orange is the New Black, I think it’s probably the biggest babe of a programme to come out since Homeland, but I’m struggling to really pin down what makes it such a fantastic watch. The show follows Piper Chapman, a Connecticut girl sentenced to fifteen months in a women’s federal prison for transporting drug money with her former girlfriend Alex Vause. A strange premise though this may be, it really opens the show out to deal with some meaty little issues that really get you thinking. When you combine this with an absolutely stellar supporting cast, ranging from a scrawny southern girl with an unhealthy obsession for Jesus, to an apparent ‘voodoo lady’ you’ve really got yourself a winner. I think for me the reason this show has become such a hit is how it deals with issues of gender, sexuality and oppression, whilst maintaining a healthy dose of realism about their surroundings – all the

while keeping an entirely serious tone without a hint of patronisation. Oh and it also keeps up a cheeky little level of humour that’ll have you giggling throughout. It’s like that kid at school you hated for being really smart, because, just like that kid, everything this show does it absolutely brilliant right off the bat. Odds on I’m probably sounding a little bit like I’m gushing. So for that reason I’m going to suggest this; because the show is such a fantastic piece of wonder (and it’s only one season in) that means there is huge scope for failure in future series’. This is always the problem when a little gem of a show like this reaches acclaim, there’s a whole new element of pressure and a huge fan-base to disappoint…but I think they might just manage to pull of keeping this show as bloody dapper as it has been so far. Whilst Orange is pretty much an all-woman-

powerhouse, there are some excellent male characters as well. Most of them, however, are a bit mean. We’ve got the Warden, who for reasons I won’t spoil, is a bigger slimeball than Robin Thicke; Pornstache, the nastiest piece of work I’ve seen since The Joker; and finally Matt, who is an absolute cutie. This all may sound very vague but I’d really hate to be the spoiler guy so you’ll just have to watch it and find out. Orange, to me, sums up perfectly what good TV really can be, it doesn’t just have to be entertaining. It can be subversive, interesting and put a barrel load of stupid social stigmas to rest once and for all. Orange is a show that can contain an entirely serious discussion about the “sexuality scale”, a tonne of cunnilingus and some pretty excellent comedy all in one episode – which, if ever there were a reason to watch something, I think that would be it.

Lizzy’s Life Lessons Elizabeth Atkin shares some of the lessons she’s learnt from Hugh and the gang from House Medical dramas are as common as the cold but House MD is an exceptional series which goes way beyond a Sherlock Holmes-type solving medical mysteries whilst wisecracking his ass off to everybody. House MD, as a series and as a character, has a dark edge. What can you learn from a man like Gregory House and his ever-changing team of doctors? Well, quite a lot if the upcoming list is anything to go by. Firstly, I’ve learned a lot of medical jargon. Seriously, I feel like I’m well equipped to diagnose everything from bezoar to leprosy. If you don’t know what either of the former are; well, you’ve clearly never watched House, have you? Everyone knows that you don’t need a medicine degree to be a doctor. You just need a few box sets of House and a healthy dose of Grey’s Anatomy. Throw a life threatening illness at me and I’ll have the case cracked before the hour is up. Walking with a cane is sexy. Okay, so maybe canes

are only sexy when Hugh Laurie is limping along with one. Maybe it’s a bit weird that I find a walking implement my grandparents use to be so utterly dashing on a man I’ve never met. Maybe it’s not cool that I fancy Hugh Laurie at all, actually, because he’s about thirty five years older than me and is old enough to be my dad. On a serious note, pain killers are not candy. You can’t just eat them like they’re sweeties because you will become horribly dependent on them. You also shouldn’t take crystal meth at work, especially not from a patient (not cool, Dr Cameron). I mean, don’t try it at all, but if you do feel compelled to try some meth, maybe don’t go round to your colleague’s house and pounce on him while you’re still high. It’s not professional. He’ll probably say no, too, which would be embarrassing. Unless you look like Jennifer Morrison, of course, in which case you’ll get away with it and therefore by all means, go wild.

House is fictional proof that we all got problems, yo. Some of us have small problems, like we can’t accept how beautiful our faces are or we don’t really like our birth name, so we just tell everyone our name is a number. But some of us have bigger problems, like rare incurable debilitating diseases and dead beloved family members. Lesson? Everything in your life matters to you, but it’s important to keep some perspective. Everybody lies and therefore you can’t trust anybody. Don’t think about trusting your colleagues or your friends, because they’re all liars too. And if you’re married to Dr Wilson, you can’t trust your husband, either. Last but not least, I’ve truly learned that you can’t always get what you want. And you definitely won’t get what you want by crashing a car into your lover’s house. That never works.

28.arts

Monday 4 November 2013

The Courier

Arts Editors: Millie Walton and Charlie Dearnley Deputy Arts Editor: Laura Wotton

Pic of the Week previews

Must See!

#nclarts

ach week we choose the best arty Instagram pic to feature in the paper. Whether its taken on campus, on a night out or in your own house, we want your snaps! Simply hashtag #nclarts and we’ll pick a weekly winner. Besides featuring in an award winning paper, the winning pic is worth a delicious bag of sweets too. Get instagramming folks!

Reduced Shakespeare Company

This week’s winning pic is ‘Written in the Leaves’ by

Suzie Bliss

Creativity & Coffee

ou probably won’t stumble upon The Quay Ingredient. It is a small café, down a little street, albeit under Newcastle’s biggest bridge. Once you have found it though, you will fall in love with the unique nature that balances cool and quirky with sophisticated chic. On top of this it has that real warming local’s vibe, which is the royal seal of approval for any café or restaurant. A substantial range of teas and coffees with lots of yummy flavoured options, they open for hearty cooked breakfasts and their soups, salads and sandwiches are real lunchtime winners. It has a healthy honesty that is topped by value for money. Cool, calm and collected The Quay Ingredient is exactly that for a Quayside stroll.

Marcel Lucont

Dear Popsy

Cooking With Elvis

his book promises ‘booze and bondage… frocks and flagellation’, four things that it certainly delivers. Eric Bishop-Potter adopts the form of a series of postcards, written by Basil, a public school-boy, to his father. Through his eyes, we learn of life at the boarding school St Cloud’s, where Basil and his group of decadent friends get up to all sorts of mischief. Fuelled by money, gin and homoeroticism, Basil leads a life of luxury, frittering his inheritance on parties, rosaries and unsuccessful racehorses. Whilst the completely over the top narrative voice tells of these events in great humour – there is never a dull moment at St Cloud’s – the knowledge that Basil is revealing such things to his father taint the exchange of postcards as very bizarre. Provided it is read in the equally light-hearted manner in which it was written this book cannot fail to deliver at least a titter from all of its readers. Ideal for train reading – the postcard structure means you can open up at any page and find something to laugh about.

ooking with Elvis is a distinct example of the difference between reading a play’s preview and actually attending. I expected a moving family drama with the occasional joke to alleviate the tension. What actually occurred was a performance that blended together the tragedy, and comedy of four ordinary people thrust into an unordinary situation. Jill (Victoria Bewick) and Mam (Tracy Whitwell) are two complicated women with an equally complicated mother-daughter relationship. Their characters engage in verbal sparring matches that are rife with low blows and cheap shots. Caught in the middle is their hapless love interest Stuart (Riley Jones) who is as unlikeable as he is likeable. Meanwhile Dad (Joe Caffrey) may be confined to a wheelchair, but he is a bundle of energy waiting to be released during the character’s psychedelic and outlandish periods of lucidity. Tuesday night’s showing was followed by a lengthy round of applause by the audience. Make sure the next round of applause includes yours as well. Annelies De Jong

Sophisticated chic

The People’s Theatre 29 October - 2 November

he Reduced Shakespeare Company – not to be confused with the Royal Shakespeare Company – are back in the UK with a revised version of their show The Complete Works of Shakespeare (Abridged). Due to popular demand, the three-man comedy troupe from the USA have extended their tour of this acclaimed show which in 1987 got them on to the West End, where they stayed for nine years. The trio have been nicknamed the ‘Bad Boys of Abridgment’, as their plays are comedic compressions of huge and often serious topics, including The Bible, Shakespeare and the history of America. The company are renowned for their skilled seemingly improvisational style and are often featured on national radio and the BBC. The Complete Works of Shakespeare (Abridged) is a parody of all 37 Shakespeare plays condensed into 97 minutes of sharp wit and slap-stick, accompanied by episodes of childish – yet flawlessly executed – physical comedy. In my opinion, it’s a must see for everyone: ‘if you like Shakespeare, you’ll love this show. If you hate Shakespeare you’ll love this show!’, as the The Today Show says. See the RSC at the Queens Hall Arts Centre, Hexham on 9th November for a comedy play which will knock your socks off. Jennifer Hopps

This week Harriet Sale takes a pew at the Quay Ingredient Cafe on Thornton Street

Drinks Art Vibe

Queens Hall Arts Centre 9th November

Bo Burnham: What

aving already performed two sell-out runs at the Edinburgh Fringe, Bo Burnham is taking his new show What to Newcastle’s Mill Volvo Tyne Theatre this November. The young comedian has come a long way since he first started out performing musical comedy on YouTube; numerous awards and his unique style have helped him to make name for himself on the UK an US comedy circuits. ‘What’ sees him perform some old audience favourites as well as new material, including his latest love poem ‘I F*** Sluts’. If the title of this piece is anything to go by, Burnham is sticking to what he knows and isn’t shying away from controversial subject matters in this piece - it promises to disregard political correctness with his usual irreverence. As well as his usual offering of songs, the show also includes dance and magic – it will certainly make for a varied evening. Bo Burnham has surely not yet reached the peak of his career and this could be one of the few remaining chances to see him in a smaller more intimate venue, an opportunity it would be a shame to pass up. Sapphire Rees

reviews

Andy Parsons: I’ve Got a Shed Mill Volvo Tyne Theatre 26 October

The Stand 15 October

ndy Parsons’s newest show ‘I’ve Got A Shed’ made for a truly hilarious night. Firstly, I almost walked by the inconspicuous theatre, which more closely resembled an old-fashioned ferry bar, but though it’s small, the interior is beautiful and cosy. A single microphone in a spotlight stood in anticipation of Parsons on stage. Unusually, Parsons did his own off-stage introduction, followed by a brilliant two-hour show. Despite, the sadly, rather empty audience it was a happy, loud and relaxed atmosphere. He talked humorously about banks, the health system and politics; underlying is the constant image of him relaxing in his shed. My favourite moment was when a woman in the audience just kept on laughing despite the joke long being over (she had a very distinctive laugh), eventually managing to get the whole audience and Parsons himself giggling. Calling her ‘psychic’, as she must know the next joke, Parsons managed to transform the awkward laughter into a highlight of the show.

arcel Lucont – real name Alexis Dubus – performed opened with a song called ‘I’m Better Than You’, admittedly, he probably is. ‘Marcel’ is a bizarre mélange of French stereotypes; a wine swilling, chain smoking misogynistic Frenchman who disapproves of England and loves only himself. This character could be very tiring in less skilled hands, but Marcel’s premise holds up thanks to his exceptional stage presence, his charisma and the quality of his comedy. There are some fantastic reversal-of-expectations and visual gags, his audience interaction is top class – avoid the front row - and his self-styled “Sex poetry” is a big hit too. There are, naturellement, occasional lapses in this charm offensive. One or two of the songs – including the opener – fall a little flat, or rely on a better knowledge of French culture than he could really expect from a drunken comedy audience in Newcastle. He also included a video addendum after his big finale… rather defeating the point of a big finale. Still, the audience were howling all night long. George Severs

Tanya Nies

Eric Bishop-Potter

Live Theatre 17 October - 23 November

Suzie Bliss

The Courier

Monday 4 November 2013

musicfeature.29

Flavor Flav

Guns, cars, violence? Nah, hip-hop is all about food, or so says our Music Editor Ian Mason who delves a little bit deeper into the mysteries of culinary rap

emember when I used to eat sardines ing however. Right at the very pinnacle of a bar in Preston he got himself talking to a bunch Snoop Dogg’s unlikely friendship with Welsh penfor dinner? Thankfully for Notothe hip-hop circus, Jay Z, a man with of students, and upon bragging about his culinary sioner Ian Neale? For those of you who have Mr. rious B.I.G, it seems as though finger in many pies (yes, delib- skills, whisked them off to the supermarket before Neale is in the book of Guinness World Records Mom’s cookin’ hiserate those at the high end of the rap game pun) has investments along knocking them up a three course meal at their for growing a monumental sixty-eight pound have a taste for culinary delights, and digs. Not bad for student life. Swede. So impressed with Ian’s growing techchicken and while tying food to the mysterious Coolio’s knack in the kitchen lead to niques was Snoop that upon touring in collard greens and sometimes quite confusing lyrhim launching a cookbook of his own, Cardiff he took time out from his schedics of hip-hop is far from an irreguit’s not even that pricey and isn’t acto meet up with the gardener to RUN DMC French vanilla, ulepick lar occurrence, we delve deep inside tually a bad collection of recipes, up some growing tips, and we to look for a recurring theme. particularly for students as he looks can be sure that Snoop will be using butter-pecan, A Tribe Called Quest regaled us with their to make decent food at affordable them on his greens. Healthy lad is chocolate deluxe - our Snoop. refusal to eat ‘Ham ‘N’ Eggs’ because of their prices rather than using expensive unhealthy cholesterol content, a problem Nas ingredients, amusingly referring Method Man seems to share in ‘Fried Chicken’, while Immortal to his recipes as “ghetto gourmet.” Technique discussed the qualities - or more imAlthough it appears he isn’t alone in portantly from his perspective the health issues branching off into actually putting his recof vegetarianism in ‘Beef & Broccoli’. These track ipes into print. Ja Rule is planning on launchtitles are a simple few plucked out from many, but ing a microwave cookbook inspired by recipes he it seems as though within hip-hop there is somemanaged to make himself while in prison. Now thing of an obsession with food. I’m not suggestthat is pretty gangster. ing that all those in the rap world are on a mission Any fans of 2Chainz, particularly those who folto expand their waistlines to become the hip-hop low the guy on Instagram will know that in beElvis Presley, but there is definitely something to look into. Fried chicken in particular plays a large part in hip-hop culture. Clearly to make such a point I need to mention the aforementioned track from Nas, as well as Ice T’s record of the same title, Despite all of the aforementioned points, it’s Acbut far more interesting is the fact that tion Bronson we really need to speak about. While Rick Ross loved fried chicken so much I’m sure many of you have heard the track ‘ComLiving the raw with U2’s Bono and Gordon Ramthat to celebrate Chicken Wing Day in pliments to the Chef,’ perhaps you didn’t quite redeal, threethe States back in July he invested in sey in the high end Greenwich alise he wasn’t being ironic. Prior to becoming a eatery The Spotted Pig. As well as household name, Bronson worked as a chef himcourse meal / that, Hollywood just isn’t enough self. for Queen Latifah as she’s joined He even considers himself a chef rather than a Spaghetti, fettucher contemporaries Flav, Quest rapper, and quick browse over his personal webcini & veal and Ross in the fast food chain site will produce a selection of his own recipes world, owning the Miami based he’s picked up from working in both a vegetarian Puff Daddy burger franchise, Fatburger. (For the restaurant and a steakhouse. What will Immortal sake of personal libel we’ll keep this one Technique have to say about that? And perhaps A pun free.) Tribe Called Quest’s path into culinary health was But wait, there’s more. For some just owning eat- tween relentlessly telling us to swerve he’s some- a good idea given Jarobi now runs his own radio eries isn’t quite enough. Paradise gangster Coolio thing of a foodie. While many musicians wile away show ‘Jarobi in the Kitchen’ as well as actually runs his own cookery channel on the internet. the hours on the tour bus playing Xbox, drinking working, and being paid pretty well apparently to Yeah, you read that right, a quick search on excessively and God knows what else, he enter- cook in a restaurant in Manhattan. YouTube will find Cookin’ With Coolio, tains himself by utilising the busses kitchenIf you want to pick up culinary tips away from a how-to guide similar to what you ette facilities to prepare gastronomic mas- Coolio’s cooking then a quick Google search will would expect from Jamie Oliver on terpieces for himself and his crew. He bring you clips of Snoop cooking with Martha his own fast food franchise, Wingstop. He isn’t the a Friday afternoon on Channel fancies himself so much that he too Stewart as well as Wu-Tang’s Raekwon’s guide to Master chef, only one, lets hope his business venture does better 4, but with the addition of a hype has just launched his own cookbook the “Hood Sandwich.” It may seem far-fetched, but lord of the than Flava Flav’s Chicken & Wings chain that went man to emphasise the importance as an insert to accompany his second food is simply a staple part of hip-hop. While the out of business the same month or Doug E Fresh’s of bell peppers and a smattering kitchen cupboard- album instead of the regular album enduring image of rap for many is of cars, money, now defunct ‘Chicken and Waffle House’. Even of beautiful females for no reason sleeve. It’s a revolutionary idea, per- guns and sexuality, should we not really be looking Jay Z hip-hop MC Questlove is in on the game, opening more than to emphasise he’s a hiphaps we can expect Eminem’s guide to deeper at the sheer wealth of other topics in muhis own chicken based take out stand Hy- hop superstar. He fancies himself in the best brightly coloured candy when sic’s most Chelsea the kitchen does c o nt r o bird in New York’s Marshall Mathers 2 drops? our Coolio; versial Market. When it comes to cookjust last genre? Fried chicking though, the ingredimonth en isn’t the ents have to come w hi le only foodfrom somewhere, stuff rap p e r and who can formoguls f or m get the grandare selling in master himself

30.music

Monday 4 November 2013

The Courier

Music Editors: Kate Bennett and Ian Mason

SONGS for the

DEAF Rudebox

Robbie turns rapper. Max PalmerGeaves is not impressed

oly mother of God. From the first 20 seconds of the title track and first song (‘Rudebox’) you know you’re in for a truly dire album. Having listened to the whole thing all I can say is he must have been living on a cocktail of pretty strong narcotics to have come up with the wooden spoon masterpiece - I’m thinking crack cocaine and more ecstasy than the human body can deal with. Robbie, whatever the ‘Rudebox’ is I refuse to do it. It sounds dangerous, and I don’t think I’m ‘nasty’ enough. The lyrics are masterful: ‘Grab your cardy, your lead hat and your bus pass, you don’t sweat much for a fat lass’ - William Wordsworth couldn’t have put it better himself. As you work your way through the album it poses serious questions, such as: what genre is this? It sounds like bad rave music that had a really high production budget; the only thing I can compare it to is if Fatboy Slim began hating the human race and thought a shit album would be the best way to inflict the most pain on them en masse. According to Metacritic, Rudebox received a generous 53 out of 100, taking all reviews into account. This could be due to the NME giving the album eight out of ten - I imagine it was one of their deaf writers. One track that really stands out for me is ‘Bongo Bong and Je Ne T’aime Plus’, at the end of which Robbie starts spouting French with a Northern twang. Before this it’s not a bad cover. Lily Allen is certainly a good vocal partner, as they can both sing, but when they start to converse in French it’s comedy gold. If I sat down to record an album in the knowledge that half of it would be covers, I think I’d choose something a bit more challenging than his selections; Manu Chao, The Human League and Stephen Duffy. Robbie! This is not pushing yourself! If you want to hear a musician push themselves listen to Chet Faker cover Burial’s Archangel acoustically with only four instruments, that’s pushing yourself. If you want to listen to two of the worst written songs of all time they are at the end of this album and come in the form of ‘The 80’s’ and ‘The 90’s’, harbouring the worst, most obvious lyrics of all time and delivered appallingly by Williams, who sounds like he’s singing karaoke over a bad instrumental cover of his own song. Don’t listen to this, it’s not worth it, you’ll never get the time you spent listening to it back, it’ ll be gone forever.

Reflektor Arcade Fire

rcade Fire have evolved from small Montreal band to one of the biggest acts in the world with relatively few growing pains. With only 3 albums under their belt, spanning from 2004’s sombre Funeral to 2010’s The Suburbs, they’ve earned numerous awards - including a Grammy in 2011 for Album of the Year. Their new album has been met with anticipation at the thought that the band could continue this musical brilliance, and after all the mysterious posters, interactive music videos and surprise gigs, Reflektor has finally arrived. “Trapped in a prism. In a prism of light” – Win Butler’s voice echoes across a pulsating electronic beat and makes it clear that this album is going to be very different to anything we’ve heard from them before. ‘Reflektor’, the opening track, is a collaboration with David Bowie and LCD Soundsystem’s James Murphy, filled with punchy dance vibes and Bowie-esque imagery that bleeds through the rest of the first disc. The distinctive vocals of husbandand-wife team Win Butler and Régine Chassagne bring us back to earth, cutting through the electro pulse and reminding us that this is the Arcade Fire we know and love. As the album progresses we’re introduced to a different sound; despite Bowie’s influence, Butler is far from donning a lighting flash down his face and starring in children’s movies. The band spent a long time recording and writing music both in Jamaica and Haiti, which has clearly affected the feel of the album. ‘Here Comes the Night’ introduces us to this sound, with a rara beat that wouldn’t seem out of place blaring down a Haitian street. Butler’s lyrics mix sweetly with this new backdrop, erupting into a frenzied carnival crescendo that will have anyone dancing.

Corsicana Lemonade

The second half of Reflektor changes tone, and it’s clear that the album is meant for two discs as it reverts back to the Arcade Fire sound from past records. Butler describes the two discs as opposites, seen most clearly in ‘Here Comes the Night II’ which has a darker, more melancholy tone than its lively counterpart. As ‘Supersymmetry’ fades into silence there is a distinct feeling that the album’s cycle has been completed, leaving only the desire to listen again. Throughout Reflektor the band retain definite

“Reflektor made many promises and has delivered in style” themes that resonate from start to finish. We’re introduced to these in the title track, the name itself suggesting self-reflection or reflected reality. This is followed up with themes of death, heaven and breaking through to the other side. It’s all beautifully symbolised in Butler and Chassagne’s lyrics, most distinctively perhaps in Chassagne’s elegant French - translated as “between the night and the dawn, between the realms of the living and the dead”. ‘Reflektor’ is an album that made many promises and it has delivered in style, bursting with collaborations and an interesting new sound with each track. Arcade Fire have produced their best album to date. Recommended download: ‘Here Comes The Night’ Owain Flanders

If you like this, try ... The National Trouble Will Find Me

incinnati rockers The National’s sixth studio album received critical acclaim after it’s worldwide release back in May. If intellectual rock is your thing, then Trouble Will Find Me may be just your thing.

Free Your Mind

Porcelain

White Denim

Cut Copy

Matt Cardle

ince emerging in 2008 as a garage-rock band, White Denim have dabbled in a range of genres including blues, punk and jazz. Fifth album Corsicana Lemonade shows the band as experimental as ever. White Denim kick off the record with ‘At Night In Dreams’, an upbeat rocker that switches between regular and half time, perfectly encapsulating the kind of band White Denim are. The band demonstrate excellent musicianship which should be winning them much higher acclaim and recognition in the music industry than they have been afforded previously. Frontman James Petralli puts this lack of attention down to the fact that the band don’t slot into any particular genre. While on record the band are as experimental as ever, the music is a tribute to the band’s home state of Texas. They use all the classic characteristics of southern rock, with riffs and funky rhythms aplenty. The album was cut in a house overlooking Lake Travis, whilst the name Corsicana Lemonade references the Texan city of Corsicana. The lyrics on the title track of the album namecheck different areas of Texas, such as Nacogdoches and Kemah. Highlights include lead single ‘Pretty Green’ and ‘Distant Relative Salute’, in which Petralli sounds similar to the Black Keys’ Dan Auerbach, the band simmering away behind him before launching into the power-chord heavy choruses. Don’t expect a hit single from Corsicana Lemonade, but if you want well-played, exciting rock music which will hold your interest, this is for you. Recommended download: ‘Pretty Green’

h Cardsy. He’s had a rough few years, bless him. Since winning X Factor in 2011 he’s had to watch One Direction pole-vaulting light-years ahead of him and then ‘mutually split’ with both Simon Cowell’s management company and Sony to ‘go indie’. On Porcelain we find Cardle seeking to bullishly reassert himself, leaping from his usual weepy balladry to a cheap approximation of Gary Barlow’s solo oeuvre, via Mumford & Sons. A case in point is ‘Loving You’, a piece of sub-‘Rolling in the Deep’ acoustic chug-a-lug. “I wanna get under your body” he chunters, audibly dribbling on his trousers. Even a guest spot from Mel C can’t save it. There are a few relative peaks among the long troughs. ‘Mouth to Mouth’ is a flamenco-flavoured diversion with a synthesiser in it, a development which suggests Cardle has a chance of making something worthwhile if he pushes the boat out a little further from the shallow waters of Radio 2 Bay. ‘When You Were My Girl’ is a disco-funkby-numbers affair which nonetheless buoys up a lacklustre album. In the circumstances though, it’s merely a helium balloon tied to a nose-diving 747. Aside from this the pickings are slim indeed. We might consider it an achievement that Cardle wrote and produced much of the album himself, but in this instance it feels rather like congratulating someone on soiling themselves on the basis that they are, at least, sat in their own shit. Porcelain is for the most part thunderously dull. Say what you like about Cowell, but his eye for a lame horse is extremely sharp. Recommended download: ‘Mouth to Mouth’

Adam Pizey

Tom Nicholson

ew groups twist genres as deftly as Cut Copy. Since springing into the limelight in the early ‘00s, the Melbourne dance rock outfit have been instrumental in forming Australia’s 21st century image as some languorous musical haven predominantly inhabited by surfers, 60s psychedelia revivalists, discerning hipsters and 90s ravers. That is, at least, judging by the listen to Free Your Mind, the band’s latest cut of work since 2011’s Zonoscope. It’s no hard guess to forecast the band’s return to the vanguard of the musical sub-genre they more or less created. Free Your Mind is an intoxicating body of music, increasingly alluring time after time of being listened to. Dan Whitford’s vocals are dependably sanguine, which counteracts heavy rhythms which duck and dive their way round guitars. Titular opening track, following the intro that is, ‘Free your Mind’, owes itself heavily to acid house and nineties dance rhythms, but also sounds shoulderrubbingly similar to something from Animal Collective or Tame Impala. The album is imbued with countless subtle influences that betray Cut Copy’s origins from the south-east corner of the globe – think of the bird calls that were sampled in 808 State’s ‘Pacific 202’. Free Your Mind is an entrancing, arresting album and it would be an enormous miscarriage of justice if they weren’t to receive the critical acclaim they deserve. As the northern hemisphere braces itself for winter again, our Australian counterparts are gearing up towards summer. Perhaps Cut Copy can supply your musical antidote to another tortuous season this year. Recommended download: ‘Free Your Mind’

Will Ibbott

The Courier

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SceNE: Venues Each week we take a closer look

Singles

club

at a different spot in Newcastle’s music scene. This week: The Miners Institute

Jack Dempsey examines this week’s chart releases and finds them wanting...

n previous issues we have covered some of the better known venues in Newcastle, so this weeks guide to the Mining Institute may be somewhat off the gigging radar for anything but the most staunch of music followers. It couldn’t be better located; directly facing Revolution at the end of the diamond strip it’s barely two minutes walk from central station, the hardest problem with finding it is you may just walk straight past never knowing it was there. It certainly doesn’t look like a music venue, primarily though that’s because it isn’t. It looks magnificent both inside and out, it’s a grade two listed building and it’s ‘day job’ so to speak is the same as it was when it was built one hundred and fifty years ago, a library. (Shhhhhh!) Musical events are held in the central room, Neville Hall which features the Gothic styled Nicholas Wood Memorial Library. The high ceilings and long thin room leave a wonderful space for music and the shape of the room carries the sound quite perfectly. The acts you would tend to catch here would generally be local, but on the larger side. It quite of-

Bigmouth Strikes Again

Music Editor Kate Bennett takes a look at some of the many things Morrissey doesn’t like

ove him or hate him – and there are plenty of people in each camp – it’s difficult to deny Morrissey’s monolithic place in pop culture today. (Just to clarify, we’re talking Steven ‘This Charmless Man’ Morrissey of the Smiths, here. Apologies to fans of Neil ‘Man Behaving Badly’ Morrissey or David ‘That Actor Who Was In That Thing, Fuck, What’s His Name Again?’ Morrissey. Your time will come.) Just some of the things whose popularity you can attribute to Moz: NHS geek glasses, mopey introspection, carefully roughed-up photographic album covers, vegetarianism amongst bookish Midwestern teenagers, the ‘I got dressed in a charity shop in the middle of a power cut’ aesthetic. These might seem like trivial things, but without them we’d live in some kind of hideous dystopia where everyone wears chinos and talks like a case study in a self-help book. Morrissey’s recently released autobiography is called Autobiography, which as titles go is even worse than Andrea Begley - partially-sighted winner of The Voice - calling hers I Didn’t See That Coming. Begley’s book at least has the advantage of sounding like the punchline to a pratfall in Only Fools And Horses; Morrissey’s is just complacently minimal. It’s even worse when you consider the smorgasbord of suitably titled songs Morrissey has knocking about in his back catalogue. Bottom line: if you write a song called ‘Heaven Knows I’m Miserable Now’ and then spend three decades being a moany git, you’re surely under some kind of moral obligation to use

ten hosts EP launches such as the Young Liar gig I caught here last week of which the accompanying photograph features so would tend to pull a bigger crowd than many other local gigs. Because of it’s mid level size gigs here are few and far between so it’s definitely worth grabbing a ticket when you see something on, especially as despite it having a nice size tickets are very restricted given the need to protect such a beautiful building. Despite being a library, it does have an alcohol license and the drinks are both astonishingly cheap and well rounded in their selection. It’s a great night out, and the building is so beautiful that even should the band not be on their game that night, there is so much to look at and take in; be it the stained glass windows, bookcases or sculptures that you are bound to be entertained. It also has a late license so some gigs may have events on afterwards which is worth keeping an eye out for, and even if it doesn’t you’re minutes from the strip (or if your taste level is a touch higher, The Cut) so your

bound to have a decent after party either way. And if you aren’t the party type, well at least you’re already in the library?

it when naming your memoirs. It’s been published straight away as a Penguin Classic, where it rubs shoulders with Danté’s Inferno, the writings of the Brontë sisters, and the collected philosophical works of Søren Kierkegaard. This seems a little off, like Alan Sugar being given a life peerage (for what? Services to trolling

‘The Queen Is Dead’ - The Royals

“His autobiography is called Autobiography, which as titles go is worse than Andrea Begley calling hers I Didn’t See That Coming” Piers Morgan on Twitter?), or that weird football season when Burnley were in the Premier League. Even James Joyce’s Ulysses hasn’t yet acceded to the level of Classic; it’s currently languishing among the Modern Classics, watching On The Road and The Great Gatsby drink themselves off their bar stools and wondering whether there’s been an admin mix-up. Anyway, in honour of Manchester’s second grumpiest man (coming in after Mark E. Smith but just ahead of Peter Hook), we take a look at some of those who’ve suffered his wrath over the years. ‘Maggie On The Guillotine’ - The Conservative Party Understandable, though opining that ‘the only sorrow of the Brighton bombing is that Thatcher escaped unscathed’, after the IRA’s attack on the Conservative conference in 1984, was possibly taking things a little too far. More recently, he’s joined ex-bandmate Johnny Marr in asking David Cameron to stop listening to The Smiths – ‘It was not for such people that either Meat is Murder or The Queen Is Dead were recorded’. (Fun fact: every time David Cameron plays a Smiths song, one of those bookish Midwestern kids dies.)

hart music is in for a treat with this week’s round of singles. First we have Britney Spears returning to bless the airwaves with her hot new track, ‘Work Bitch’. It’s a shamelessly Autotuned club song with a mindlessly pumping synth hook that I’m sure will be driving club goers into an alcohol-induced frenzy for many weeks to come. The song is essentially a list of things you can afford when you ‘work bitch’, because squeezing your arse into a skimpy latex bikini after two kids is clearly a more trying task than anything us commoners will ever accomplish. The video makes me feel a little ill, and the desolate desert setting is a pretty accurate reflection of the substance you can expect in any Britney song.

Directions; Walk: Turn right out of central station and walk for what is essentially a brief stroll towards the diamond strip. Its right on the corner at the pedestrian crossing facing Revolution Public Transport: Busses from almost anywhere in Newcastle will take you to Central Station, just follow the walking instructions from there Metro: Just like regional and national rail, the Metro stops at Central Station which is no more than two minutes walk away. Ian Mason

Also understandable, if you, like me, see the monarchy as an anachronistic wart on the acne-ridden face of modern-day Britain. Stevie M has called the royal family ‘the most overpaid and most utterly useless people on the planet’, which is an extreme way of putting it but still essentially true. He has in the past made his backing band wear t-shirts saying ‘We Hate William and Kate’, wished Prince Charles had been shot, and compared the Queen to Colonel Gaddafi – an admittedly tenuous connection, though they did both suffer from Bitchy Resting Face. ‘Meat Is Murder’ - People Who Eat, Kill Or Wear Animals Okay, I can’t back him up on this one, as someone who enjoys a sausage sandwich, wears non-vegan DMs and is quite good at swatting flies. Morrissey’s criticism of people who kill, wear or eat animals has ranged from blaming Beyonce’s handbags for rhino extinction, to calling the 2011 Utøya massacre ‘nothing compared to what happens in McDonalds every day’. Tactful.

Morrissey on...

David Beckham – ‘so dull that he is yet to master his first words’ Michael Buble – ‘famous and meaningless’ Vic Reeves – ‘I’d have no desire other than to smack him in the face’ Elton John – ‘Nobody’s interested. He should just go away’ Bob Geldof – ‘a nauseating character’ Richard Madeley – ‘a man who actually married his own mother’ Robert Smith – ‘a whingebag’ Lady Gaga – ‘fraudulent, and the exact opposite of erotic’ Madonna – ‘closer to organized prostitution than anything else’ William & Kate – ‘so dull as people that it is actually impossible to discuss them’ Prince Harry – ‘an absolute idiot’

Next we have a new Katy B track, ‘5AM’, which is unfortunately just as nondescript a pop song as Britney’s new ditty. It’s tiresome and it’s typical, lacking the dubstep angle that made songs such as ‘Katy on a Mission’ actually quite enjoyable, especially on a night out. The central lyric to the song is about Katy needing “some loving like valium”, yet it sounds to me like she might have already taken a handful before writing this offensively boring song. Little Mix’s new tune ‘Move’ has a fun little intro and catchy bassline that doesn’t suit or even slightly improve the vocal arrangement of the girls who could easily be Sugababes, Girls Aloud, Atomic Kitten, or any one of this degenerate genre. I don’t know about you guys, but this constant outpouring of mind-numbingly, club-inspired pop songs has a tendency to make me ponder the worth of life in the 21st century. I suppose the question I really want to ask is, who actually are Little Mix? Indie-pop fans fear not, for Brandon Flowers is here with more soaring vocals and pretentious lyrics in the new Killers single, ‘Shot At The Night’. The song has that impersonal, bouncy, all-together-now feel to it that we’ve come to expect from the band. Also, I don’t know when the transition was made, but it seems pretty clear to me that they’re now a 90’s synth-pop band, is this correct? The video dovetails with the song in its cheesiness, as we watch a lowly hotel maid meet the love of her life, ditch work to fool around and sing karaoke, then facetiously return to her place of work and reproachful employer in pink high heels, which is just downright irresponsible. Finally we have Robbie Williams’ newest release, ‘Go Gentle’. It has a swingy, almost melancholic vibe, but Robbie’s generic lyrics and vocals make the tune ultimately characterless. It’s written from the perspective of a protective father, which is a great way for him to win big with his predominately female, middle-aged fan-base. I can already see them knitting mittens and cooing over what a lovely, sensitive man that Robbie Williams is. Jokes aside, it is still an arguable improvement on that insipid piece of trash he recently put out with Dizzee Rascal.

Morrissey - gobby genius or grumbling grandad? Join the conversation at thecourieronline.co.uk/music

32.science

Monday 4 November 2013

The Courier

Science Editor: Elizabeth Hampson Deputy Science Editors: Emad Ahmed and Peter Style

Exoplanets: big ones, small ones, fat ones and hot ones Last week, the UK’s Wide Angle Search for Planets discovered 11 new planets outside the Solar System, bringing the total to over 1,000. Connor Rogerson explains what these discoveries mean

s of writing this article, 919 exoplanets have been confirmed, with another 3,589 candidate planets waiting confirmation. A few decades ago, the prospect of exoplanets was ridiculed as makebelieve and impossible by well-respected astronomers, yet here we are, sharing the Milky Way with a possible 4,500 planets. The planets that exist outside the Solar System vary tremendously – planets exist that bask in temperatures where you would melt instantaneously and some that would force even the most Geordie of Geordies to wear a coat on a night out. There’s even a planet that’s taken it solo and left its star behind. Finding exoplanets is probably one of the hardest jobs in the business, as you can’t observe an exoplanet directly – its host star outshines the light reflected by the planet. These scientists primarily use two methods: the Transit Method - measuring how much a star’s brightness drops when a suspected planet passes in front of the star, and the Wobble Method – measuring how much a star wobbles as the suspected planet orbits around it.

These measurements cannot be obtained just by looking at a star through a telescope. Sophisticated software and massively accurate telescopes placed upon satellites, like the Kepler satellite, are required to measure these tiny fluctuations in data. So what have these satellites found? Planet 2M 0746+20 b has a surface gravity of over 80x of that on Earth – crushing everything in your body and spaceship upon arrival. The largest planet found so far, CT Cha b, has a diameter of 307,000km, just over twice the size of Jupiter. Nearly 14,000 Earths could comfortably fit inside CT Cha b! Some planets have been discovered that aren’t associated with any star. These are known as orphan stars, PSO J318.5-22 just wandering around in space alone. This discovery sent shockwaves across the scientific community on what we define as a planet – luckily, this body was able to keep its planet status. An ice-fire planet exists orbiting Upsilon Andromeda, which take extremes to a whole new level. The stellar-facing side reaches temperatures of up to 1,650ºC and the other drops to -20ºC. More

recently some rocky planets have been identified among the gas giant dominancy of the exoplanet list. A planet with almost the exact same mass as Earth orbits our closest Star – Alpha Centauri B. Before you book your tickets for an extra-terrestrial holiday, this planet is way too close to its own star. Its ‘year’ is 3.2 Earth days and you’d frazzle even with a fifth coat of SPF50. If you’re looking for that trip of a lifetime, then Kepler-22 b may be more for you. Situated a mere 587 light years away, this rocky planet is housed in its star’s habitable zone (where liquid water can exist). Astronomers have calculated that if Kepler-22 b has a similar atmosphere to Earth, the surface temperature would be a balmy 22ºC. It’s possible for this planet to be an ocean world as we can’t be sure of solid land without directly viewing this planet, so make sure you pack your trunks. More crazy, record-breaking planets are being discovered every week, so make sure to check these newbies out. You never know, your great-grandchildren may have left Earth behind and emigrated elsewhere in the galaxy. I’d start saving now if I were you.

Fact File: Exoplanets The first confirmed exoplanet discovery was made in 1992 by Aleksander Wolszczan and Dale Frail. Of the 1,000+ exoplanets confirmed so far, 711 are Jupiter-sized. However, there are at least 17 billion Earthsized planets in the Milky Way alone. 12 exoplanets could have habitable conditions to sustain life. There are 3,500 candidate exoplanets still waiting to be classified by scientists. Jean Schneider of the Paris Observatory has worked for 18 years organising the exoplanet catalogue.

Illustrations by Rachel Templeman

Pitch perfect: The science behind music

Sarah McIntyre investigates what makes a good song and why our brains are so stimulated by music

usic is inescapable. No matter what kind of music you like, you will be hard pushed to find someone who doesn’t like any kind of music at all. But where does this love of music stem from? It is a topic that has fascinated scientists and so has been widely researched, and while nothing is known for certain progress has been made. The first theory on the subject of humans and their love for music was proposed by Charles Darwin in 1871. He suggested that it was linked to our biological need to reproduce and therefore music was a tool used to woo a member of the opposite sex. He noticed the link in birds with their ability to charm a prospective mate with their song and that the majority of mammals were more vocal during the mating season than at any other time. He then compared it to the popular music of the time and noted that it seemed to awaken the gentler emotions within people, such as love and

tenderness. He expanded his theory by saying that music helped the mind awaken strong primitive emotions which were felt by our predecessors when we used to communicate in a manner more similar to other mammals. His other observation that love is the most common theme amongst songs strengthened his theory and therefore it became widely accepted. Dr. Chris Loersch, of the University of Colorado, has put forward an alternative hypothesis that our love for music is more down to a human’s need to be social and belong to a group. He, and his colleague Dr. Nathan Arbuckle from the University of Ontario Institute of Technology, believe that listening to music tricks our natural instinct into feeling part of a group, by making us feel like we are interacting with other people. Their theory, like Darwin’s, is also based on music’s power to change our mood but he focuses

more on music’s ability to change a large group’s mood and behaviour at the same time. It stems from the observed effect of military music, concerts and music played at sports games that seems to unite people. While they acknowledge the sexual allure of music, as Darwin proposed, they believe it’s down to the power to control the masses that is attractive, not the music itself. Dr. Robert Zatorre and Dr. Valorie Salimpoor, from the Montreal Neurological Institute, have been doing research on the physical reasons for our love of music. Using brain imaging, they have discovered that listening to a piece of music we like releases dopamine, which is associated with reward and emotion. Dopamine is also released during other rewarding acts like eating and sex. They discovered, with a carefully designed study, that the amount of activity in an area of the brain called the striatum and also the auditory cortex is directly related to h o w Image: flattop341

much a person will like a piece of music. It is believed that it is because of these impulses that allow us to have songs caught in our head when music is absent. The researchers also found that, the type of music a person will like is down to a basic template created in the mind at a young age. If a song fits this template, then the song will be liked by the individual. If the song varies too much from the template, then the individual will be less likely to enjoy it. While this topic continues to elude the scientific community with a definite answer, further research will undeniably be conducted until we have an answer, but unfortunately this is unlikely to be anytime soon. Music taste will always be down to the individual , however whether this is down to our genetic make up or our social needs remains to be seen. So for the time being, music remains a mystery and maybe, that in itself is part of its appeal. Illustrations by Rachel Templeman

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SeaWorld: captors or conservationists?

The marine theme park giant has recently came under intense public scrutiny over claims of mistreatment. Laura Staniforth lays out both sides of the argument SeaWorld has been swimming in controversy lately. Since the release of ‘Blackfish’, a documentary dealing with the life of Tilikum, a killer whale kept captive in one of their parks, they’ve been hounded by negative press. Ahead of the CNN premiere of the film, SeaWorld finally responded officially, refuting many claims of cruelty and dangerous practise. But who has the right of way here? One of Blackfish’s main arguments is that the killer whales are very badly affected by being kept in captivity. Indeed, Tilikum was kidnapped from his family of whales at the age of two, before the Marine Mammal Protection Act was put in place. This is considered incredibly traumatic for the animals, which are known to be social and also have strong matrilineal family groups. Another issue is how the health of the animal varies when being kept captive, as opposed to being left in the wild. One of the most dramatic changes is the collapsed dorsal fins. The majority of male captive killer whales (including Tilikum), have a dorsal fin that is collapsed either partially or completely to one side. This is rarely observed on wild whales, and is only usually the result of serious injury; for example colliding with a boat. The Whale and Dolphin Conservation Society is of the opinion that this is caused due to captive killer whales having to swim in small circles, as they are kept in inadequate space for anything else. Pregnancy issues are often abundant in parks such as SeaWorld. A breeding programme has been implemented to stop the capture of more wild orcas, but it has been largely unsuccessful. Females are made to breed at a young age, and often have no knowledge of how to care for a calf. Taima, who was Tilikum’s mate, was separated from her male calf as she showed repeated signs of aggression, biting him and throw-

“One of Blackfish’s main arguments is that the killer whales are very badly affected by being kept in captivity”

ing him out of the water. She died in her fourth pregnancy due to complications with the birth. Blackfish also covers the aggression of killer whales towards humans. Tilikum has been involved in three deaths, most recently that of his trainer, Dawn Brancheau, who during a live show was pulled into the water and drowned, while suffering severe crush injuries, as well as being scalped. While there have been incidents in the wild of killer whale attack, none have proved to be fatal. The evidence seems to be damning, though it is true that SeaWorld has done many great things in the past for the wellbeing of marine mammals. It has rescued, rehabilitated, and returned to the wild hundreds of animals. Their efforts are tailored to the animal to ensure they are adapted for a life in the ocean, as shown in the case of the orphaned grey whale calf, J.J. She was weaned onto solid food and taught to eat it off the bottom of the pool, as grey whales do in the wild, and was exposed to vocalisations of her species. Indeed, in reference to the rehabilitation, the American Zoo and Aquarium Association stated that ‘SeaWorld has adhered to the highest level of professional standards…”. Another crucial benefit of SeaWorld is the education and scientific progress that comes with it. 11 million people come through the parks this year, and this contributes to fundraising and awareness of conservation efforts. Scientifically, most of what is known about killer whale anatomy, reproductive biology and intelligence was learned in captivity. The argument is a difficult one. Does the scientific progress really justify the poor health and aggression killer whales like Tilikum face? Do the leaps and bounds made in conservation, thanks to the information gleaned on captive animals, make it worthwhile?

You’re hot then you’re cold This time last year Newcastle Students were shivering in their coats, Jenny Coles explains why this year some students are still wearing shorts

limate change is affecting all our lives. Last year, you all froze to death up here. This year, we feel pretty warm (not what I expected when I packed to come to Newcastle). Freshers’ week was like a holiday, where we could even go to the beach. But last year it was snowing by October 26th. More and more frequently, we are seeing changes in our annual climates. This time last year, we were experiencing lows of nought degrees Celsius, and highs barely reaching ten; this year the coldest it has been is three degrees with an average daily high of thirteen. The question you must be asking: why? Global warming isn’t a very accurate term, as temperatures are fluctuating from extreme lows to unexpected highs in an irregular pattern. Although the trends are showing a steady increase in average global temperatures, you can hardly say minus nine degrees in January of this year is completely normal, or warm for that matter… Scientists are proposing the idea that we are living through ‘La Niña’ years. The oceans are cooler as they are subsequently absorbing more heat, which circulates into deeper oceans. However, this year it’s warmer, and it could be possible that we are entering a series of ‘El Niño’ years, where the effects are reversed. Oceans become warmer which means they don’t absorb as much heat from anthropogenic causes (e.g. release of greenhouse gases). As a result, the heat is reflected back into the atmosphere and trapped inside the ozone layer. Sud-

denly, our temperatures begin rising again. Stronger trade winds have caused ocean currents in the Pacific to change, as seawater circulation has been strengthened as a result. This means that deeper water is also heated, creating an even greater ‘carbon sink’ for all our burned waste. Basically, the oceans are taking the weight of our own consumerism.

“By 2047 we will be living above all historical temperature records” According to recent findings, however, if we live on, as we are – business as usual – by 2047 (give or take fourteen years) we will be living above all historical temperature records. We will have entered a whole new phase of ‘normality’ in terms of average global temperatures. The burden on the planet will increase. The poorest countries in the world will suffer the implications of increased flooding and extreme weather events; the richest among us will still keep burning gases for our consumerist desires. But for now we can just accept the fact that no one’s completely sure about the very recent weather we’re experiencing. There could be another ‘spanner in the works’ just around the corner ready to throw the world’s leading scientists into further disrepute, and ready to throw Newcastle into either a heat wave or an ice age.

Four things you didn’t know about... Science in Newcastle. This week we take a look at the work of some Geordie geniuses

Professor Neil Bartlett is thought of as one of our School of Chemistry’s most important graduates, he revolutionised the way inorganic chemistry is taught today. He originally studied for a BSc in Chemistry here in Newcastle in 1954, continuing to do a PhD working with fluorine anions. Barlett then took a lectureship at the University of British Columbia in Vancouver, and there, through a mistake in the laboratory, managed to form a compound using the inert element Xenon. This element along with the other inert gases; Helium, Neon, Argon, Krypton, and Radon, were all believed to be completely unreactive and not form compounds. In proving otherwise, Professor Bartlett sparked a surge in interest in these elements and their uses.

Doctors Catherine Douglas and Peter Rowlinson of the School of Agriculture, Food and Rural Development conducted a study which showed cows treated in a friendly way by farmers tended to produce much more milk. They found increases in total yield of up to 500 pints of milk per year for cows that were given individual names, or who had experienced ‘positive human contact’. This research won Douglas and Rowlinson the ‘Ig Nobel’ prize for Veterinary Medicine in 2009, the only UK recipients of the prize that year.

Joseph Swan was a scientist born in Sunderland in 1828, and worked in Newcastle with his brother-in-law in a chemical firm creating materials for ‘wet plate’ photography. In 1882 he discovered how to create commercially viable permanent photo prints. He went on to file over 70 patents in the field of photography over the years. But what makes him famous around here is his invention of a long life filament lamp in 1879, describing and demonstrating it just before Edison launched his own light bulb. His invention was first demonstrated in the Newcastle Literary and Philosophical Society, making it the first electrically lit public building in the world.

Ed Stafford is a world renowned explorer who graduated from Newcastle University in 1997 with a BSc in Geography. He is most well-known for his epic journey walking along the entire length of the Amazon River to reach the coast. A feat never before attempted, the expedition took 860 days and spanned 4000 treacherous miles, ending with the last 85km being completed in under 21 hours. Dealing with venomous snakes, big cats and insects, as well as sustaining 50,000 mosquito bites over the course of the trip, he overcame one of the most hazardous environments and lived to tell the tale by blogging his experiences daily for everyone to see. His trip opened the world’s eyes to the variety and complexity of the Amazon Rainforest, as well as the challenges it faces, and the danger its inhabitants are experiencing. Heather Flint

Image: Laura Wotton

Image: Christopher Dorward

The Courier

35.puzzles

Monday 4 November 2013

Puzzles Izzy wizzy, let’s get quizzy. Hand in your answers and Grandma’s Pictionary answers at The Courier office to have a chance of winning drinks at MensBar

Crossword 1

Puzzles Editors: Tom Nicholson and Sam Summers

Win a MensBar voucher

Grandma’s Pictionary I sat down with Grandma for a game of pictionary, but she’s just not very good, bless her. Can you help me ﬁgure out which classic ﬁlm she’s trying to draw?

4 6

7 10

8 12

15 16

Across

1 Notoriously cheap clothes store on Northumberland Street (7) 4 Rapper famous for her hit ‘Doo Wop (That Thing)’ and, more recently, tax evasion (6, 4) 6 South American nation home to the Incas and Paddington Bear (4) 7 Hamlet’s dead mate (6) 10 ___ Guevara, Cuban revolutionary found on many a t-shirt and dorm room wall (3) 12 Scottish songstress responsible for ‘Shout’ and ‘The Man With The Golden Gun’ (4) 13 The beautiful game (8) 14 A big white whale or a little white DJ (4) 15 A ‘60s puppet show and Steve Irwin’s aquatic assassin (8) 16 A hit for Kylie and Robbie or a word for baby goats (4)

The first person to bring the completed puzzles to The Courier office in the Students’ Union will be awarded the prize and the respect of their peers, which let’s be honest is priceless

Down

1 The smallest Teletubby, known for rocking a microscooter (2) 2 Giant, skyscraper-scaling ape King, and smaller, scaffolding-scaling ape Donkey(4) 3 A popular Mexican beer and a hit for Newcastle pop band Mausi (3) 4, 5 Star of Charlie’s Angels and Kill Bill (4, 3) 5 See 4 down 6 A music blog favoured by hipsters and a gardening tool favoured by Satan (9) 8 Kings, queens, princes and the rest (7) 9 Family name of Noel Edmonds’ freakish pink colleague 11 Whiney little teenagers who listen to My Chemical Romance, probably (4) 12 Kendrick ___, Californian rapper and self-proclaimed ‘King of New York’ (5)

Sudoku

5 7 2 3 9 4 2 7 8 5 7 5 9 6 84 7 2 7 3 6 1 2 1 4 8 3 6 4 6 5 Oh, Smiggsy!

36.sportfeatures

Monday 4 November 2013

The Courier

Winner due at the O2

With the Murray-less ATP World Tour Finals scheduled to take place at the O2 Arena in London this week, The Courier assesses the tournament prospects of the individuals who sit outside of the traditional Big Three.

Last year’s winner Novak Djokovic and runner-up Roger Federer Photography: Getty Images

David Ferrer In most cases two from two sounds good. However just two weeks ago Michael Youzhny made sure David Ferrer lost his second consecutive ATP World Tour Final in just seven days. After failing to pick up the title in Stockholm following a dramatic loss to Grigor Dimitrov, Ferrer was denied again, this time by the Frenchman, in the pursuit of his third piece of silverware this year. Nevertheless, there is no doubt he will be one of the top contenders in London this week. On the road to the British capital, the Spaniard had a rather controversial campaign. In contrast to his major success last year when he was crowned seven times - more than any other player - this season Ferrer has been victorious in just two tournaments. The ‘Little Beast’ got off to a fantastic start by defending his Auckland title and reaching the Australian Open semi-final stage. A month later he was kissing another trophy – this time in Buenos Aires. Reach the quarterfinals at both Wimbledon and US Open is hardly satisfactory progress for Ferrer, who lost four out of his six finals in 2013. He did however become the Spanish No. 1 for a couple of months in the absence of Rafael Nadal. Furthermore, his tremendous progress in the last two campaigns resulted in his highest ever ranking. In July, Ferrer surpassed Roger Federer and Juan Martin del Potro to reach the third place in the ATP Standings. With great confidence and consistency the 2007 Barclays ATP World Tour finalist held this position right until November, and will return for his fifth appearance in London this week. A true fighter, Ferrer plays his best tennis at the age of 31. The Spaniard will join the seven other stars of the show to write the epilogue of yet another memorable season. Peter Georgiev

Juan Martin Del Potro Nicknamed by his comrades ‘The Tower’ and with a sense of perseverance that rivals John Isner, this 6ft 6” Argentinian is not to be underestimated in the 2013 ATP season finale. A succession of injuries has resulted in but one grand slam win for Del Potro, but we can expect more to come in the near future from this big hitter. 2013 has been a volatile year for the Argentinian, lacking a consistency that can also be reflected in his game play on court. Despite this, we have certainly seen some career highlights for DelBoy throughout 2013; becoming the first Argentinian to win the Rotterdam title since 1982, as well as beating Roger Federer in Basel to take his fourth ATP World Tour 500 tournament title this year. With Andy Murray being forced to withdraw from the ATP World Tour Finals, Del Potro steps into 4th seed putting him in a threatening position for the remaining Nadal, Djokovic and Ferrer. Reigning champion Novak Djokovic is arguably Del Potro’s biggest danger. Whilst Del Po fought Rafael Nadal off the court with some powerful hitting in the Shanghi masters earlier this year, the Serb will take command of the court, refusing the Argentine time to find his rhythm. Djokovic leads 10-3 in this year’s head-to-heads against Del Potro, however an impressive show down between the pair in the longest ever Semi Final at Wimbledon in July, demonstrates that the Serb cannot become complacent. Del Potro claims that he is on “good form” at the moment and is ready to attack the end of season tournament with a vengeance. However, the Argentine will have to rely on more than his almighty forehand if he is to overcome the passing shots from Ferrer, tactical play from Djokovic and sheer tenacity of Nadal. Viki Monk

Thomas Berdych

Stanislas Wawrinka

Thomas Berdych, the twenty-eight year old Czech with the website caption, ‘Wanna play with me?’ is about to compete in his fourth consecutive ATP World Tour Finals. This could be his year to beat the overbearing presence of Roger Federer (who hopes to qualify), the unnerving Novak Djokovic, and the injured but ever domineering Rafael Nadal? Throw into the mix David Ferrer and Del Potro; it becomes clear: Berdych has significant challenges to face. Currently ranked sixth in the lead up to the ATP finals, Berdych looks in good form to leave a strong legacy behind. His 2011 ATP tour led to a loss to Tsonga in the semi-finals - the formidable Frenchman, who also defeated him in the Open 13 in Marseille. Berdych’s biggest challenge, though, seems to be Novak Djokovic. After losing to Djokovic in the Australian Open and Wimbledon quarterfinals last year, he was then defeated by the Serbian in the Dubai Duty Free Tennis Championships this season. Berdych did, however, beat Djokovic to reach the Wimbledon finals in 2010. Comparable to Murray, Berdych has reached the quarter/semi or finals of all four Grand Slam Championships. Perhaps this could be Berdych’s year for him to make it to the next level. His biggest achievement is his arrival on Centre Court in 2010 for the Wimbledon finals. It came following his appearance in the French and US Open semi-finals. This was on top of his quarterfinal debut in Australia.

Branded “the most powerful backhand on tour” by John McEnroe, Stanislas Wawrinka has begun to step out of the shadow of Swiss compatriot, Roger Federer. With an extremely strong performance at the 2013 US Open, defeating Tomas Berdych, the no.5 seed and Andy Murray, the no.3 seed and defending champion in straight sets in the quarter-finals, Wawrinka will be one to watch out for during the ATP World Tour Finals. As Stanislas began playing when he was 8 years old, he says tennis was his “natural line,” and taking professional training at 15 was, “the right path to follow”. As a junior player, he reached as high as no. 7 in the world and won the 2003 French Open Junior Championships. He is currently at his highest professional ranking at no. 8 in the world, and he will be determined to cap off his 2013 season with a spirited performance in London. One of his crowning glories was wining a gold medal at the 2008 Olympic Games with Roger Federer in doubles Switzerland’s first ever medal in tennis. Stanislas has been hit by inconsistency throughout his career however, and unable to find a fine vein of form to carry him to greater heights. In his most recent tournament, the Swiss Indoors Basel, he was defeated by unseeded Roger-Vasselin in the first round, 6-4 6-3. With the likes of Djokovic and Nadal as his opposition, Wawrinka is sure to take his game to the next level. If he is able to advance from the roundr o b i n stages, t h a t would be a significant achievement for him and the sky is the limit when Stanislas Wa w rinka is on form. Huezim Lim

Berdych’s resolve seems to be much stronger; his defeats in the past have only spurred him to improve Berdych’s flat, 150km/h forehands prove to be an asset on all surfaces and have helped spur him on to success throughout the year. On grass, he is truly a challenge for the opponent, often using cross court shots to unnerve his on court enemy; when combined with good footwork, he can annihilate his opposition if he’s in the right mind set. Although struggling with mental strength in the past, Berdych’s resolve seems to be much stronger; his defeats in the past have only spurred him to improve. He may still be waiting for the all important Grand Slam to win, but he has reached the final eight four years in a row. This year’s competition will give us the perfect opportunity to see if he’s ‘got it in him’ to be the dark horse of the competition when the ATP World Tour Finals begin on November 4th 2013. Jennifer Coles

Richard Gasquet 2013 has been a positive year for Richard Gasquet, the highlight being his run to the semi finals of the US Open, his best run in a Grand Slam since reaching the same stage of Wimbledon in 2007. The six years between these two achievements have been somewhat turbulent for the Frenchman, emphasised by his enforced sabbatical from the sport in 2009 for testing positive for cocaine. This is hardly the most conventional drug to receive a ban for given that it is unlikely to be performance-enhancing; Gasquet claimed that the positive test was due to him kissing a woman at a party who had been taking the drug. This explanation lead to Gasquet being cleared to play again but the story does illustrate the slightly different attitude that he has to the sport compared to the other top players. There is certainly no reason to question Gasquet’s natural ability; his groundstrokes are some of the most powerful and aesthetically pleasing in the game, his backhand in particular is a weapon feared by any opponent that he comes up against, no matter what their ranking. However, despite his attacking prowess, the Frenchman has yet to challenge the elite of the men’s game, whose success appears to be mainly built on fitness and stoical defense, neither of which are Gasquet’s forte. Despite this, the fact that Gasquet has edged out some very good players, such as his compatriot Jo-Wilfried Tsonga, to make it to the ATP Tour Finals shows that he is fulfilling his potential. His style of play is refreshingly different and, in the absence of Andy Murray in London this week due to injury, I would encourage the Great British public to get behind the enigmatic Frenchman. Freddie Caldwell

The seedings for the two-group round robin tournament, beginning November 4th, will be as follows: 1. Rafael Nadal 2. Novak Djokovic 3. David Ferrer 4. Juan Martin Del Potro 5. Roger Federer 6. Thomas Berdych 7. Stanislas Warwinka 8. Richard Gasquet

Photography: Getty Images

The Courier

intramuralsport.37

Monday 4 November 2013

Aftermath hold off Ladzio threat Division Two

S.S Ladzio

Frodsham 40, Worthington 65, Milner 84

Aftermath

Basham 30, Adam Jones 38, 55

By Dom Brooke and Dan Skyte at Redhall On paper it would have looked like a tough encounter for S.S Ladzio as they faced second in the league Aftermath in the third match of the season for both sides. With two wins out of two for Aftermath, confidence was high for the side as they were beginning to show signs of real promise. Ladzio captain Dom Brooke said before the game, ‘We perform best when the odds are against us. I am going to go all out and say we have the ability to bag the three points.’ The game was slow to start with bouts of sloppy play from both teams as they struggled to maintain possession on the slippery surface. The first real skilful performance came from Aftermath. A run through the centre of the park by Aftermath centre midfield, Sanderson, did enough to

panic Ladzio defence. However, composure was the key element of the first half. Ladzio right back, Dan Skyte, surged across field and made an astounding tackle on the Aftermath forwards and did enough to ensure Ladzio were out of danger. The composure that was shown in the first fifteen minutes seemed to disintegrate for Ladzio however. The first of the goals for Aftermath came as a result of some seriously sloppy play and a lackadaisical reaction from Ladzio. After a long ball was played down field by Clayman towards the Ladzio box, there was no real effort to clear it from danger. Although it could be put down to tiredness, there was a lack of ambiton

goal, resulted in a one on one situation with goalkeeper Smee, and Aftermath came out the better. Down but not out, Ladzio’s perseverance showed at the end of the first half. A sudden drive, that had thus far been unseen by Ladzio, overtook the boys and they began the attack. Accuracy and precision played a pivotal part in the build up to the Ladzio goal. Passing one twos between Brooke, Milner and Cooke did enough to confuse Aftermath’s defensive line and set up a towering header for Eliot Frodsham just minutes before the half time whistle. With spirits lifted, Ladzio returned on field with real flare and presence. The

With the scoreline going againstLadzio, the word ‘Composure’ began to echo around the field

to win the ball by the Ladzio defenders as they failed to pressure the Aftermath shot and unfortunately for the Ladzio defenders, the ball bounced over the goal line. With the scoreline going against them, the word, ‘Composure,’ echoed around the field as Dan Skyte tried to regain control of the game. But his attempts were unsuccessful as a second goal was scored by the unstoppable Aftermath within minutes. Another series of unmade tackles, reminiscent of the first

League Tables

pitch, which had been previously fairly silent, was loud with encouragement from the Ladzio seniors. Rob Goodier started off the onslaught with a series of impressive skills through the Aftermath midfield, however failed to out class the experienced Aftermath goalkeeper. After having the majority of the possession at the start of the second half, Ladzio hopes of taking the three points were shattered by what can only be described as a horrendous refereeing decision.

A penalty was awarded to Aftermath despite clear contact being made with the ball by the Ladzio centre back. The penalty was converted with ease and Ladzio were on the back foot once more and with a lot of work to do. If anything, Aftermath’s third goal was exactly what Ladzio needed. It seemingly lifted Ladz more than the winning team. Fired up and frustrated by the absurdity of the refereeing decision, Ladzio went on the attack. A second thundering header by Joe Worthington into the top corner of the net left the Aftermath defence watching in awe. The Ladzio players seemed equally shocked by the quality and congratulations were passed between teams. With spirits lifted once more, Ladzio obtained a hold on the game. The thought of the three points being in touching distance was the perfect motivation for Ladz as they showed quality football up until the final whistle. With the scoreline of 3-2 and with less than ten minutes left to play, it was now or never for Ladzio to make their move. And it was now. An absolute stormer of a strike released from the boot of Ben Milner, from 30 yeards out, if not more, catapulted into the back of the net, sending shivers down the spines of the Ladzio team. After taking their time to re-gather themselves, and let the current events sink in, the Ladzio team lined up – preparing to initiate the biggest comeback in Ladzio history.

Unfortunately it was not meant to be. All the Ladzio luck had run out and the scoreline finished 3-3. Slightly disheartened by not winning, after coming back and performing with such exuberance and flair, Ladzio captain Dan Skyte said, ‘We are all so proud of the team and the character we showed out there. We all came in with the mind-set that we would be hopeful for a win, but the reality was that it was right in our grasp. It was a great effort.’ Man of the Match: Adam Jones

Smee Skyte

Worthington

Frodsham Street

Bliss

Brooke

Milner Cooke

Goodier

Wright Jones

Basham

Clayburn

Morris Lund

Birley

Sanderson

Jordan

Clayman

De Cristefaro

Eccles

Wednesday 11 a-side Football Division 1

Division 13

Division 2

Division 41

Team

Pld

Pts

Team

Pld

Pts

Team

Pld

Pts

Pld Pld WW

Newcastle Medics 2nds

Boca Seniors

FC Bayern Toonich

1 1 Newhist FC Na Barca Law

Team Team

2 12

0 2 1150 4 15

F F AA

Pts Pts 428

Newcastle Medics 1sts

Aftermath FC

Politic Thistle

2 2 Sons of Pitches Newcastle Medics 1sts

3 12

1 2 8 36 5 20

426

Barca-Law-Na

Roman Villa

Sub-Standard Liege

3 3 We need to talk Henderson Hallabout Kevin

2 12

1 4 4 41 3 29

322

Dyslexuc Untied

Castle Leazes

South Sandwich FC

Dyslexic Untied 4 4 Geogsoc

2 12

1 5 3 32 9 26

319

Henderson Hall

S.S. Ladzio

Thundercats

5 5 KFC Crayola

2 12

0 7 4 18 4 22

215

Ecosoccer

Brown Magic F.C

Newcastle Agrics FC

6 (R) Mochenﬂ apjack Aftermath

1 12

0 9 3 14 3 47

Larrikins

Buckminster Fullerenes

7 (R) FCCastle Twente Bag Leazes

Champions aggravate Agrics Intra Mural Netball Uni Hockey

Agrics

By Francesca Fitzsimmons With the Intra Mural netball Tuesday league underway, Uni Hockey had a tough match on their hands against old rivals, the Agrics. Confidence was high for Uni Hockey after two back to back wins against Combined Honours and a 19-11 win against Geogsoc. With point differences putting last year’s champions in third position in the table, Uni Hockey were keen to have a high scoring match and close the goal deficit on Pollie Dollies and Accounting. Jayne McLoughlin opened the match with a confident flare of shots on target,

Newcastle Dynamos

settling the nerves of the hockey girls. Argics attempted to retaliate in the first quarter, and got close to clinching the lead towards the end of the first ten minutes. However, defensive play and numerous interceptions for hockey hopeful Jen Haslam, prevented the Argics from making it far into Hockey’s defensive third. Steph Booth made it hard work for her opposite number to get anywhere, with tight marking preventing the Agric wing from having any space. With the first attacking opportunity for the Argics coming just before the half time whistle, Rosie Griffin made an energetic attempt at holding onto a clean sheet, but could do little against the height of the shooters. A quick restart by the Agrics Centre, and play through the middle of the court, allowed them to gain four goals in as many minutes. However, the competitiveness of goal attack Kat Allen shone through as she encouraged her team and made sure the Agric’s didn’t gain control of the half. With ac-

curacy and precision in every shot, Kat and fellow shooter Jayne McLoughlin did enough to hold off the Agrics and maintain a 7-4 lead at the half time whistle. The second half started with a flourish of goals from Uni Hockey, showing why they have been crowned intra mural Champions two years running. Freshers Rebecca McAllister and Alison Small showed their presence in the second half, after playing brilliant one twos down the court to put Uni Hockey in yet another attacking position. Following a suspect call from the umpire, Uni Hockey were unfortunately dispossessed and forced to work even harder to gain the turnover at the next centre pass. Aggressive play from the Agrics shook Hockey’s composure as they seemed to lose some of their trophy winning style mid-way through the second half. Frantically scrambling for the ball, Steph Booth secured possession on the turnover and put Hockey in a position to pull away from the Agrics

on the score line. A series of back and forth play tested the patience of both sides, however Hockey’s resilience was rewarded as they scored three goals in quick succession. The victory was sealed after Hockey turned over the Agrics’ centre pass twice in a row and never looked back – going on to win

2 12

1 10 4 12 9 42

13-7. With the clash of the season against the impressive Pollie Dollies looming, their win on Tuesday against the Agrics was enough to put Hockey second in the league and that one step closer to retaining the title for the second time. Player of the match: Rosie Griffin

Tuesday 4-5pm Team

Pld

Pts

Accounting Netball

Uni Hockey

Pollies Dollies

Histroy Girls

Agrics Netball

Geogsoc

CHS 1

38.sportbucs

Monday 4 November 2013

The Courier

Rowers run riot in Notts Rowing

By Sally Hickey in Nottingham Last weekend, NUBC sent a large number of athletes down to Nottingham to compete at the British National Championships. As it has recently moved from August to October, the change of date has allowed NUBC to send their top boats down, and get a feeling of how training is comparing to other Universities at the beginning of the season. Driving down the day before, the crews had a chance to have a paddle on Friday afternoon to experience the conditions before racing began on Saturday. Unique to this event, all crews would race all other boats of the same size, regardless of category. Therefore, an U23 Lightweight 4- could easily see themselves up against an O4-, giving the crews an unmissable chance to gain experience against the top crews in the country. First up were the lightweight four of Barney Stroud-Turp, Joseph Anderson, Matt Smith and George Patrick, who came through Semi Final EF in second place, to come third in Final E, 8th in their category overall. The women’s 4- of Nicole Lamb, Gemma Hall, Philippa Neill and Natalie Hardy sailed through the semi finals to come fourth in Final A, winning the U23 pennant for the second year in a row. The boys

4, made up of Sam Arnot, Tom Ford, Jasper Holst and James Rudkin duly followed suit, putting in a great set of races to come fourth in Final B, also winning the U23 pennant. Our alumni were out in full force, with eight other boats containing previous NUBC athletes. Nick Buckle came third in Final E, racing in a lightweight 4- for Leander. In the same final, Piers Pye-Watson came fifth, racing for Upper Thames. George Rossiter and Tim Clarke raced for Leander’s U23 4-, and came second in the C final, coming second to NUBC U23 4s. Chris Morahan came fifth in the D Final of the same event, and Harriet Broad was second in the B Final of W4-, both racing for Thames RC. Minna Jones-Walters was 5th in the B Final, racing in a lightweight double for Wallingford, the second fastest women’s lightweight double of the day. Mason Durant was 5th in the A Final, racing a 4- for Oxford Brookes, and Mark Bowers won the H Final in a double for Walton. So all crews went home happy on Saturday night, and had an evening of recuperation in preparation for another day’s racing. Come Sunday morning, the men’s lightweight four had moved into a quad, and after coming 2nd in Semi Final EF, they came 3rd in Final E of O4x, seventh in their category. The women’s eight, comprising the victorious four in the stern, and Rosie Rust, Georgia Parry, Helen O’Riordan and Emily Ford joining in the bows, as

Megan Lines run mega lines Women’s Rugby

Newcastle Women’s rugby defeated Nottingham 1sts away with a great score of 43-7. Straight away in the match number 12 Lucy Henson broke through a gap in the weak Nottingham defensive line to score the first try, which was then converted by Rosie Neal.

possession of the ball. With two girls down, Henson and Neal both scored tries, leaving the half time score at 21-7. Nottingham then tried to come back stronger, but were unable to get past Newcastle’s fantastic defensive line, with impressive tackles made by everyone on the team. Two further outstanding tries were made by Henson and again converted again easily by Neal. Newcastle continued to dominate Nottingham by barely going into their own half of the pitch. All the forwards made fantastic advances, especially Tasha Robson who refused to be taken down. The ball was passed out to the backs and they successfully scored a try from Shauna Buckley.

Controversially, 3 Newcastle players were given yellow cards during the match and one a red. Nottingham scored their one and only try on the wing while Newcastle only had thirteen players on the pitch, but this did not stop the formidable team. Many penalties were given to the opposing team, but Newcastle’s outstanding rucking skills meant that they kept

Henson scored once more again so rapidly that Nottingham didn’t know what had hit them. During final play, Newcastle were strong and managed to score one final try by Buckley again. This impressive win in the BUCS league is very encouraging and we will expect more wins like this in the future. Newcastle will undoubtedly be keep up thier form against Brum next week.

Nottingham 1sts Newcastle 1sts

7 43

By Megan Lines in Central Lancashire

Newcastle continued to dominate Nottingham, barely letting them get out of their own half of the pitch

well as cox Lexy Dobson, came 2nd in Semi Final AB, and were into Final A. This meant they were up against the top crews in the country, including Cambridge, a crew containing Izzy Vyvyan, a member of our first eight last year.

Putting in a brilliant effort, NUBC came 4th overall, and 2nd to Cambridge in the University Eights by less than a second. It was then the turn of the men’s eight, also containing the winning four in the stern. Joining them were Sam Wilson,

Will Anslow-Wilson, James Reeder and Florian Reinecke, as well as cox Tommy Reeves. Coming 4th in Semi Final AB, they came 2nd in Final B, coming 3rd in University Eights to Oxford Brookes and Imperial.

Newcastle Men’s U23 4edge towards the ﬁnishline Photography: NUBC

Knights pipped to the post by Blades Women’s Basketball Newcastle 2nds

Sheffield 1sts

By Jess Short in Central Lancashire The Newcastle Knights Woman’s Basketball second team faced Sheffield yesterday in their second strenuous game of the season. The match proved challenging for the Knights as they adapt to not only a new team but a new coach, former junior England International George Beard, who is currently a member of the Men’s first team. Despite this the girls went into the game positive and determined. Sheffield claimed possession first but this was soon overturned by a steal from Newcastle’s Havina Sirohia. The first quarter saw an organized and powerful 2-3 zone from the Knights. Offensively it was a shaky start for Newcastle but they held their own coming out of the first quarter ahead by one, 5-4 and with Sheffield on team fouls. Sheffield upped their game in the second quarter coming out with an aggressive full court press.

The added pressure on the Knights caused Sheffield to creep ahead to 6-12 with a couple of fast breaks by number 7. Newcastle displayed a calmer, more controlled offense with some excellent shooting by Josie Chandler. Despite pushing hard to get back on defense, Sheffield took the lead with 1810 halfway into the second quarter.

Her efforts paid off as Sheffield defenders were forced to make the foul. Sheffield began to push hard at this stage and brought out their full court press. Newcastle Knight’s new American player Kristen McNeil assisted point guard Charlotte Warren by cutting to get open and break the press.

In spite of the loss, it was an accomplished effort from the Knights considering the changes they had to account for However, Sheffield’s aggression caused an abundance of fouls against Newcastle. The score at the end of the second quarter leaves Sheffield ahead by 8, 2012. Halftime gave Newcastle time to regroup and the Knights come out strong into the third quarter, their effective zone defense again shutting down the opposition, leaving Sheffield unable to score for 5 minutes into the third quarter. Former netball players Rosemary Walker and Lucy Jillings prove their value to the team with excellent rebounding halfway into the third quarter. Going into the fourth quarter there is a definite increase of intensity as the pace of the game steps up with consecutive drives to the basket from Newcastle’s forward Charlotte Warren.

Two minutes before the end of the match saw the score line sit 27-37 in Sheffield’s favour with high intensity and aggression from both teams. The Knights’ nerves got the better of them as they pushed back against the attackers, but failing to stop Sheffield’s point guard from increasing the deficit to 27-39. Newcastle reciprocated with clean passing and strong finishing from big man Lucy Jillings - taking the score to 29-39. A quick successive Newcastle net brought them closer, but Sheffield fought back making the final score to 31-43. Overall, despite the loss it was an accomplished effort from the Knights considering the changes that they have had to account for.

The Courier

sportbucs.39

Monday 4 November 2013

Knights inﬂict ﬂesh wound Men’s Basketball Newcastle 1sts

Leeds 2nds

By Peter Georgiev at The Sports Centre The Newcastle Knights continued their successful winning streak with

an impressive 88-68 (18-15, 25-17, 2724, 17-12) victory against Leeds 2nds. At the Sports Hall on Wednesday the ballers put a lot of effort before finally taking down their guests. They also secured themselves a third consecutive triumph after smashing Northumbria and Manchester’s university sides in the first two rounds of their BUCS campaign. At 6pm the referee threw the ball in the air to mark the start of the match. The Knights seemed rather nervous in the first couple of minutes, allowing Leeds to take a 2-6 lead.

However, the hosts bounced back to level the score-line at 11-11. A magnificent three-pointer from Chuck Duru, followed by an impressive Newcastle counter attack, gave the home side the lead with 18-15. Producing some incredible shots, Leeds fought back to gain a 24-22 advantage. After the first time-out, the Knights seemed much more determined to outclass their opponents. With a high succession of jump shots and strong defence, the hosts took control over the game - scoring twice as many baskets as

the guests in the last 5 minutes of the half. An impressive bucket and a foul by Mark Elderkin was a sign of Newcastle’s dominance, which gave them a 43-22 edge with the half time whistle looming. Ten points in two minutes for Leeds nearly filled the gap between the two teams in the beginning of the third quarter as Newcastle’s offensive line struggled to strike the ball home. The hosts lost their advantage at 56-56, but nobody expected what came next. Another explosion from the Knights left Leeds completely stupefied, while watching their rivals rack up 14 points

in a row to put themselves ahead 70-56. There wasn’t much Leeds could do in the final quarter, but the guests stayed in the game right until the end with a huge belief in their own strength. A tremendous pick-and-roll from the Greens was the highlight of the match, but on the other side consistent Chuck Duru scored 8 points to maintain Newcastle’s lead. With ten seconds left on the clock, The Knights made use of another bucket and a foul to complete their quest in style – 88-68 and a round of applause for the gentlemen in white.

Plucky Newcastle narrowly beaten by deadly Durham Continued from page 40 Naturally, they were as enthusiastic in defence with huge hits going in from the word go, conducting themselves with a revised intensity at the start of the second half. Unfortunately, Durham, who had looked like scoring throughout the latter stages of the first half, were the first to strike; a solid lineout drive from the forwards setting the foundation on which the backs capitalised resulting in a try in the corner despite the manful Newcastle defence. With the deficit now cut to only two points, after the conversion was missed, within the blink of an eye, Durham now seemed comfortably in the driver’s seat. Due to fatigue caused by the demanding pace of the game, basic handling er-

other opportunity to put points on the board; one that they efficiently converted with a well-struck penalty from just inside the Newcastle half. Newcastle, now a point behind, attempted yet again to up the tempo of their defence; straight from the kick off, Openside Flanker Tom Whitton managing to charge down a clearing kick ensuring that they remained firmly inside the Durham half. They began to introduce replacements in the front row and in the backline to try and revitalise their exploits in open play and create a scoring opportunity. Ultimately, however, Newcastle’s eagerness in defence was key to their downfall with continuous penalties being awarded against them for offside and infringements at the ruck. Number 8 Alex Hinds and blindside flanker

decide the score of 20 points to 16 in favour of the visitors. One could say that Newcastle’s belligerent tactics and refusal to pander to the referee was the cause of their eventual downfall in this game, however, when we consider the result we must consider it in light of the opposition they faced.

Durham, the defending champions, were for the most part dominated during the game however their coolness in the dying minutes paid dividends; the mark of a true champion. On the other hand, Newcastle can take a great deal of positives out of this game that they were so close to winning and

there are a few important lessons to be learnt; lessons that should be kept at the back of the mind for when they meet again in January to seek revenge. For full video coverage of the match, see thecourieronline.co.uk/ sport, courtesy of TCTV.

Newcastle’s eagerness in defence was key to their downfall with continuous penalties being awarded against them rors and poor discipline started to play a sizeable role. After an offside decision given by the referee against Newcastle skipper Jo Beckett, Durham had yet an-

Rory Banks were eventually sent to the bin due to personal fouls in their own 22, and Durham ‘s10 took advantage and sent over the winning penalty to

Teesdale

Adams Cruz

Beckett (c)

Perkins Cullen

Hind

R. Banks Witty

Goodwill

T. Banks

Whitton Murphy

Atkinson

Johnston

Newcastle prepare to try and win a scrum against the head Photography: Jonty Mawer

Sport

www.thecourieronline.co.uk Monday 4 November 2013 Issue 1278 Free

thecourieronline.co.uk/sport

Sports Editors: Nick Gabriel, Freddie Caldwell and Fran Fitzsimmons courier.sport@ncl.ac.uk | @Courier_Sport

WATER RESULT! ROWERS ENJOY SUCCESS IN BUCS - p.38

THREE IN A ROW

Shining Knights win again against Leeds - p.39

ATP DARK HORSES

Newcastle Women’s 4on their way to winning the U23 pennant Photography: NUBC

Uni corageous in defeat Men’s Rugby

Newcastle 1sts

Durham 1sts

By Jonty Mawer at Cochrane Park Churchill once said that ‘Courage is rightly esteemed as the first of human qualities because it is the quality which guarantees all others’, and though ultimately Newcastle’s endeavour’s at Cochrane Park on Wednesday were unsuccessful, any bystander could not but admire them for their bravery in defeat. On a desperately cold afternoon in Heaton, the match between the 1st XV’s of both Newcastle and Durham Universities started at a furious pace with both teams intent on taking the initiative. However, it was Newcastle, replicating the form that they have shown all season, that was the first to strike when Captain Jo Beckett, after a positive shove at the scrum and a well-executed backs move, went over in the corner for the first try. All that was left to complete a dream start by the home side against the current champions was for Fly Half, George Cullen, to convert a seemingly difficult

kick from the touch line; which he did with consummate ease. Durham seemed understandably shocked by Newcastle’s fast and fluid start to the game, which was emphasised by early errors straight from kick off at the ruck. This was only made worse by Newcastle’s diligence in defence, particularly by the back row of Rory Banks, Tom Whitton and Alex Hind, all of whom were enjoying a thrilling start to the match. On occasion, however, the Newcastle pack were deemed to be over-exuberant in their efforts in trying to disrupt Durham ball by the referee who started to confer penalties on sight of any infringement.

over and begin to attack the Durham line mercilessly. After a few phases of play, Cullen, weary of the scoreboard, decided to have a shot at the drop goal, which turned out to be successful. Newcastle were conducting themselves very level-headedly; attacking Durham through the middle with Cullen and Banks putting probing kicks into the corners to test the Durham fullback. Their coolness in attack started to pay off with breaks from centres Ben Perkins and Freddie Cruz however, once again, their ill discipline at the ruck hampered their progress. Durham were able to clear their lines and make an assault on the Newcastle try line.

Durham were understandably shocked by the home side’s fast and fluid start to the game

This lead to a penalty being awarded to Durham on the Newcastle 22 and a chance for them to get on the scoreboard, a chance they took with a simple penalty kick. This however did not seem to phase Newcastle in the slightest. Straight from the kick off, due to the exploits of the back row, they were able to turn the ball

They were now starting to gain a bit of drive and Newcastle, in an effort to halt this, were becoming progressively negligent with regards to discipline - culminating in another successfully converted penalty by the Durham Fly Half. Newcastle were trying desperately to regain the momentum they had gained during the early exchanges, peppering

the Durham backline in the hope of a scoring opportunity. Finally, a penalty was awarded to Newcastle, which gave Cullen the chance to have a shy at the sticks. Unfortunately, he was unsuccessful with his attempt just edging to the right. Though the attempt was fruitless, it was a positive sign for Newcastle because it showed they were starting to come back into the game. Though somewhat unsurprisingly, poor discipline kept impinging on Newcastle’s efforts with scrum half, Tom Banks, being sent to the sin bin for an accumulative offence. Durham capitalised instantaneously with a penalty goal, which brought them to within a point of the home side heading towards half time. Newcastle were not disheartened, in fact, in the minutes before the half, spurred on by Durham’s comeback and their underdog spirit, a plundering run by Number 8 Alex Hind resulted in one of two successful penalty kicks by Cullen that gave Newcastle a seven point lead, meaning Durham were a converted try behind the home side at the break. Newcastle seemed revitalised coming out for the second half; with their replenished contingent of players due to Banks’ return from the sin bin and their buoyance from their newly acquired lead. They had their eyes set on a historic victory. Continued on page 39

Which outside shouts could be set to challenge for the crown? - p.36

UNI HOCKEY OUTCLASS AGRICS Intra Mural netball and football action inside - p.37